#literally like. ugh it is so hard to maintain this but also if you want to make art with sincerity you GOTTA. YOU GOTTA.

[essektheylyss]

"When you make stories or art that are a kind of shortcut to proving yourself right, that's sort of the definition of propaganda, I think."

SAY THAT, BRENNAN.

[girlboypersonthingy]

Hi! How are you? Can i request a Velvette x F reader? Or GN if you feel more comfortable, I don't mind. The reader being so slow to understand Velvette flirting and she gets frustrated like "oh you are so lucky that i love you"

Hi there! I’m good! Hope you’re doing good too. Love thisssssss. Velvette would get so lovingly annoyed lmao 💜 thanks for the request! And enjoy~

TW: suggestive themes, lots of cussing

Notes: gn!reader, this is just a short little drabble

ALSO, I got a ton of requests waiting for me rn. Plz feel free to keep sending em in! Just be patient with me, I’ll get to them 😉

Velvette x reader- Oblivious 💓

Girl tries soooooo hard and gets soooooo mad when you don’t get it.

Velvette is pretty confident, extroverted and bold naturally so when it comes to her fat crush on you, she’s not afraid to make it known.

But come on! She’s trying to have fun with it, trying to tease you and get you all flustered but you just won’t budge.

She will straight up compliment you, loudly and in front of all her models and assistants, something about looking hot as hell, and you just figure she really likes your outfit today. That’s all she means, right?

Velvette likes to jokingly do things that’ll allow her to touch you intimately.

For example, she’ll drop something in your lap just so she can slowly reach down and pick it up, letting her fingers linger on your thigh all while maintaining eye contact

Literally doesn’t phase you and she’s just flabbergasted…like damn, what does she have to do? Straight up kiss you on the mouth to get her point across?

She’ll post pics of you on her sinstagram with nothing but heart emojis as the caption and you just like it and comment “BESTIE” and now she’s pouting bc she wants to be bae, not bestie

One time, she made this big scene complaining about being short a model and her desperately needing an extra body. She’s so dramatic, so cute.

Immediately points to you, wiggling her brows suggestively as she motions for you to follow her.

“I’ll even dress you myself~”

And she proceeds to take you to a room alone and watch as you happily undress. You’re comfortable with her, why not?

Meanwhile, Velvette is dripping in sweat and trying not to straight up moan at the sight of you so bare and vulnerable before her.

“You okay? You look like you don’t feel good.” You feel her forehead as if checking for a fever and she wants to slap you rn bc hello?! She’s literally in love with horny asf for you and you think she’s sick? Satan, help her.

“UugggHGGGHHH! Bloody fuckin hell, (Y/N). Just-just…ugh.”

And when her words fail her, she goes to plan B- kissing you right on the mouth.

It’s one of those kisses that starts tense and awkward but is easy to melt into.

“Oh.” Is all you can get to come out of your mouth once you part and this makes Velvette huff in frustration once again.

She goes on a tangent about her feelings and how frustrated she is with you. She’s like lowkey scolding you as she confesses her love and attraction for you.

By the end of it you’re a bright red, stuttering mess of embarrassment and adoration for her.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve been..very into you this whole time too.” You finally admit it.

“You’re adorable, truly you are. I love you but for FUCK’S SAKE, (Y/N)!”

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

ok, i'm being so brave and making the rec post that i told anon i would do like three days ago.

the obligatory caveats. this is not comprehensive—i haven't read all the fic in this fandom, and i've barely looked at anything not in english. my reading habits are pretty broad—i'll read almost any pairing, and am generally willing to suspend my disbelief to do so. i am not usually an au person, though this fandom is doing its absolute damndest to prove me wrong on that point.

also i have…more…fics that i felt i should rec somewhere, so probably this is rec post one, but ten felt like enough and also saying things in public where people can hear me is, it turns out, absolutely excruciating. please no one be mean to me about this post, especially if you wrote one of these fics, because if you are i will simply fill my pockets with rocks and take to the sea, ok? ok.

excited to find out what i manage to do that ruins the formatting, links the wrong fics and/or people, or otherwise breaks things in this post. please tell me if i've fucked up, or if your fic is on this list and you would rather i keep your name out of my mouth, or whatever.

first, a very special mention to the mlc reference guide by @yletylyf. this is such an incredibly comprehensive and generous resource. you want a timeline for this show that does an incredibly poor job of maintaining its own timeline? it's here. you want episode summaries? they're here. you want all the people and places? they're here. if you're writing fic, you want this guide, because it's so much easier and faster than scanning episodes or subs files to figure out the name of one specific guy or whatever. it also means that at least occasionally you work on the thing rather than accidentally rewatching the same scene five times, or hypothetically watching two to four episodes without even really thinking about what you're doing. the reference guide is the unsung mvp of fandom.

beyond porch and portal, difanghua, teen, by willowdream. this is the vampire au that i didn't know i wanted? the author posted it and their note was like 'i'm trying to be the change i want to see in the world,' and i was like ok sure, i'm not really convinced that the change i need is vampire aus, but i'll give it a go, and then i did and was like, oh shit, i'm eating fucking glass about this vampire au, i'm chewing on my own fucking fingers, i'm so fucking normal about this, i need another hundred thousand words of this and also seventeen more vampire aus in my inbox by monday morning. i literally finished reading it and scrolled right back to the top to read it again. i have no idea why this fic hits so hard, but it took me out at the knees. the voices are perfect. something about it is just impossibly compelling.

不安的遠離，再无歸期 | restless distance, without return, fang duobing/qiao wanmian, mature and teen, by @difeisheng. this is technically two fics but they're short and you should read both of them because they're such a brutal, perfect encapsulation of grief, and a really beautiful acknowledgement of the ways that fang duobing and qiao wanmian can be read as reflections of each other, separated by a decade, and it just fucking guts me. i dunno. it's about the grief! it's about the yearning! it's about someone who understands parts of you that you wish didn't exist! i think i've reread this like once a week for the last six weeks and i feel like it gets overlooked because it's not A Ship but like. it could be. it should be.

dance the silence down, fanghua and feihua, explicit, by @momosandlemonsoda. this fic. ugh. ok. i'm breaking my own rules. i had two when i started writing this post: no works in progress, and no reccing things that i haven't left a comment on, like a goddamn grownup. this one fic is breaking both of those rules and i feel bad about it and will hopefully spend like, all day tomorrow just commenting on every chapter or something, but i have to do this. this fic is so good. this fic ruins me. this fic is 63k, still a work in progress, and also if i were losing the whole internet tomorrow and i got to keep one fic in all the world and it was the only fic i could have for the rest of time, it might have to be this one, even as a work in progress. i ignored this fic for so long—by which i mean probably two of the four months since i first watched mysterious lotus casebook—because i was like, i don't like aus, and i especially don't like rock star aus. (or sex work aus, and you're never gonna fucking believe what else this author is writing and what else i absolutely cannot get enough of—this is a sneaky bonus rec for all i wanna do is wrong, another fic that i feel so so so normal about!) but then i was like okkkkkkk but. maybe i'll try it. people seem to be nuts for it. and then i read it and i was like OH HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE FULLY CORRECT TO BE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED ABOUT THIS and normally, honestly, i wouldn't bother posting a rec like this because it's like 'oh haha have you read the five most popular fics in this fandom?' and it feels so redundant, but i know for a fact that a friend of mine who finished watching the show yesterday is reading this post, and even if everyone else has read it, she has not! anyhow as a former music person and a former diner cook, this fic like. i don't know. i feel like it broke me but also fixed me? i literally criticise writing professionally and every time i try to talk about this fic i find myself speechless because it's so perfect to me. i am deeply unwell about this fic. every time a new chapter comes out i sit down and read the whole thing again, yes, all sixty-thousand-plus words of it. some nights you go to bed and you're like 'what's the fucking point?' and then you're like 'no wait, there will eventually be more of dance the silence down,' and somehow that makes things suck a tiny bit less. my wife has made me take out like six sentences from this rec because they're too intense and too weird about it but i need you to understand: you have to read this fic.

in this dream, there is a lover to share this life with, fanghua, g, by @lianhuajing. alternative ending for the end of episode 27, in which li lianhua—precious man who has yet to discover a hill he's not willing to die on—apologises to fang duobing the only way he knows how, and it's wildly upsetting for everyone (but it's ok and it doesn't end miserably, no one panic). this is a delightfully angsty treat, and i love how conflicted fang duobing is in it—i feel like it's not something that i've seen explored a lot, but this poor boy really fuckin goes through it—his best friend and his childhood idol are the same person but are lying to him about it, and his dad's not actually his father and has been lying to him about it, and his best friend/childhood idol may have killed his father, and—yeah, is lying to him about it. like? someone give this poor man a hug and a cup of tea and a snack and a blankie. i love that we get to see some of his internal conflict in this.

quintessence of dust, feihua, teen, by justthereforit. this plays with one of my very most favourite tropes in the world, which is the one where the heart is a physical object and a physical form of trust and control and surrender and—like. this is so good. it's set in episode 13, which is, for me, one of the absolute peak angst points, and it absolutely nails it. di feisheng who's upset and vulnerable and frustrated and angry, li lianhua who knows he's going to die and can't bear the thought that he's going to take anyone else down with him, and they're both just so fucked up. chef kiss. i love it when everyone is emotionally wrecked and continually like 'ok no, i can take one more knife in my soul to protect someone else', and this absolutely delivers on that.

under moonlight, we change our futures yet again, feihua, explicit, by @thesilversun. the wedding room! obviously we have to have a wedding room fic, right? i'm not going to lie: i'm willing to suspend a lot of disbelief for wedding room fics, but in this one, it's actually a wonderfully, horrifyingly plausible setup. it walks a really fine line of keeping people in character, and acknowledging the inherent horror and seriousness of the situation, and also providing some desperately hot sex, and also managing to get the emotional beats of it, too. it has a sequel, which imo really has to be read as the conclusion to this fic, and it's just as good. it's possible that some of what i'm saying here is 'i love vulnerable-inside crusty-outside di feisheng' but like. i do. i love it so much.

what's sealed away, feihua, teen, by @bbcphile. AMNESIA FIC yessssss, a-fei my beloved, fics that handle brain damage/memory issues/amnesia well my beloveddddd. i love the a-fei arc, but i also have had a number of brain injuries and some other stuff that means that my own memory is…not so great, so i sometimes really struggle with how often amnesia in fiction is played off either as nothing to worry about or as a funny thing where everyone's in on the joke except the person who has amnesia. this fic is a great and sometimes very visceral exploration of a horrifying experience, and a really fantastic study of a-fei/di feisheng as a character, as well as the relationship that he has with li lianhua. a-fei trying to balance the trust he has in the sense memory of his body with his understanding of his relationship with li lianhua with li lianhua's reaction to—everything, really—is really well done and wonderful/terrible to read.

我只愿面朝大海 | i wish only to face the sea, g, by foreverstudent. ok so you wanna fuck yourself up some more? go read this. this is canon divergence from episode 39, and fang duobing has learned too well the lessons he's been taught, and sees the shape of things before li lianhua ever touches the wangchuan flower—so he sets about making sure that he won't be able to throw it away. this is agonising and gorgeous and maintains the canon relationships while developing the narrative differently. i wept literal tears. i was like 'ok that's it the worst part is over!' and then i remembered that there was another part coming and then i started crying. anyhow, it is—as ever, with me—about the devotion.

我住長江頭, 君住長江尾 -- i live upstream, you live downstream, fanghua, teen, by @rimbaudofficial. ok so this is Not a fic that i should like, because i am a massive academic failure and despite being in my forties have regular nightmares about having to re-engage with academia for like. any reason. HOWEVER. as noted, i read indiscriminately, even when i'm like 'reading this is a terrible idea and will be upsetting for me personally!', so i was like 'well, how bad of an idea can it possibly be?' and then instead! it was. incredibly charming? it was so fucking cute? the fang duobing characterisation in this is somehow just perfect to me—he's simultaneously confident and vulnerable, and also just so deeply committed to the weird clueless guy who he's decided is meant for him. di feisheng and li lianhua have a perfect weird-bros friendship. i would read another ten chapters of this and i would love it.

[unolvrs]

The way you write canon characters to not be ooc is insane to me. The way everything flows has me banging my hand against the wall from the sheer beauty of your writing. Is there a process or a trick you do to help understand a character you write? I’ve been having issues writing more complex characters *cough cough* jjk & csm characters *cough cough*. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you for the hard work with all of your fics!

AVOIDING OOC HOW-TO!

omg thank you so much?? i am literally gonna cry because i write character-driven stories more than plot-driven so you saying that makes me feel so good right now i will cry.

but the way i think about it is like, if you're doubting something the character is doing, then you're probably doing it wrong. the most recent chapter of froggie was completely different from what it was supposed to be originally. and the reason for that change is because the characters were entirely very, very much ooc. i hate just thinking about it, ugh.

anyway, i'm not really sure if there's a trick to it? i like to think whether or not the character was originally written in a complex way in the original media, i still write them with the intention of their being complex. but instead of being complex, i think it's more writing them as humans. i honestly don't know. i've always been a socially aware and insecure kid so i pick things up easily, so i might not have the best answer to give you.

but if i really think about it, just consume as much media about them as possible and put yourself in their place in a somewhat of a method acting but not way. whether or not you think they're about to do something bad, just go with it as long as you feel like it's accurate. or, you can write them in a way you don't actually write their character.

for example, in my among dawn flowers (the face of god), we see gojō from the perspective of the main character so how the main character describes gojō might not exactly be how gojō actually is but just a surface-level observation from the character. the main character might see gojō doing this for what she thinks is because of that, but in gojō's head, he's doing it because of a different reason. keeping a character from a distance helps a lot and making your character overthink their character also adds some psychological spice that makes the story look more complex and interesting.

but if you want it to be more ingrained in the character's perspective like what i did in sunday without god where it's entirely in nanami's pov, make him focus on what you already know: aka your character. make your character do this and that but don't write in a way that you're leading specifically what you want to happen. i think the hard thing about writing fanfics is that the characters you're writing aren't yours. that's why instead of usually leading up to what you want to happen, you're going to use what the character would realistically do then adjust your story to their decisions.

you can't really just choose to write a canon character in a way that serves you because that would just end up OOC. writing fanfiction, in my opinion, is adjusting to what the canon character would do while maintaining the essence of your plot.

but if you're writing strictly canon characters with no interactions with OCs, then all i can say is yes, consume as much media about them and it might not be a nice advise, but restrict yourself. the character isn't yours so you can't just go running off and make up things that aren't really true. consider it in a behavioralist perspective: with every action you have to consider their past, present, and future, most especially the past and their backstories because backstories always affect present actions and future aftermaths.

IN SUMMARY:

treat them as humans and not just as one-dimensional characters!

if you're really struggling to write the character, don't write them! write around them through keeping it from an outside perspective from a character you know or make the canon character react to a character you know / something you're familiar with.

consume as much media, read fics that you like and do not like about them and figure out why you think so!

that's all i could think of hehehe <3

according to my friend whom i also asked in passing: "writing a canon character is already considered personal interpretation." and i was like ooh? that's true.

[bulbabutt]

yooooooo all i do lately is vent vent vent uhhh

itsssss really annoying to feel traumatized over shit that doesnt actually matter at all but you cant feel like a person who functions cuz of it

like. mkay, few years ago i did a stupid thing which was uh. pre coming out but post taking testosterone tell this girl ('girl' she was older than me, im an adult but sos she) i that i was trans. then that i had a crush on her. like a fucking idiot, i was like 'girl pretty girl nice maybe i can finally have something'

and the thing was like. we had this lax fucking job that didnt matter, we were both basically running this shitty lil store nobody came in for the christmas season. and like i had admitted id never done anything, but i should have noticed it was gonna be weird quicker, cuz while she was understanding of like 'ok yeah youre a dude i get that' it was. hmm. it wasnt really like she felt like that, and she didnt notice so much that shit she would say hurt my feelings. like this was so unserious honestly, but uh the thing abt taking t in your mid 20s is youre like... right im... im going through a literal puberty and being stupid as a teenager. im bad with expressing my feelings normally cuz of that.

anyway. it was a fling really. it was stupid and shouldnt have happened, and it probably hurt me more than i thought, but she got like... jealous of one of the employees who id known from a prev job... who to me was like. literally a child (cuz like, id known her since she was) and that made me feel so weird, cuz i was like ?? why the hell would i be thinking about her like that i havent done ANYTHING that would make you think that. and hello i only said i liked you ? but then i guess the age gap was the same in her eyes and so that might have been why she thought that. but like pfft if youre ~25 dating a ~30 yr old its whatever thats normal. going the other way gets weirder ESP if uh. HELLO i was this kids boss?? that was so weird that she felt like that. i guess cuz i was just better at getting along w people younger than me, as someone who isnt a TRUE millennial, someone whos pop culture references lean gen z or whatever. idk i just know kids like my vibe for some reason. there was NEVER anything else going on i was just... being chill? but that was enough to cause jealousy.

but like yeah theres only so many 3 weeks in 'i dont think this is a good idea i think im bad for you' texts you can get before you just go 'yeah you know what i dont wanna do this anymore actually thats fine no hard feelings'

but i tend to be a person who just cant socialize with people for long periods of time, i ghost people a lot, i dont have a history of having friends i dont know how to maintain relationships, but also i really didnt want to at this point. i felt really gross about it and embarrassed for putting myself out there and admitting a secret about myself.

anyway next year rolls around and i see her at the next job season and she tells me she and another coworker found my tiktok page (cuz shit forcibly adding your contacts IS THE DEVIL) and uh. she had to explain to said coworker that i was trans. which. felt like shit. obviously. i was still not out.

anyway THAT person was a piece of shit who talked down to me and acted like i was terrible at my job and brought aLL the personal shit up as if i had ever trusted HER with any of it. like using my new chosen name in texts and shit to call me out for nothing. i had to give her a fucking 'excuse me, you dont get to call me that i never fucking told you that and its WEIRD that you think you get to call me that just cuz you invaded my privacy.'

she literally told both my bosses about all my private shit with this girl. like all that stupid bullshit about how we had dated and it didnt go well, she spread my private shit. and like... it all... ugh. like i got told by said bosses 'hey. none of what she said is important at all dont even worry about it.' and i really appreciated that. but that year was so bad for me, i felt like i was being watched like everything i did was being misconstrued. everything blew up so fast if there was something sma,, and it was 100% that person making it worse.

next year i just came out finally just was like. yeah alright. got a beard now, had my tits removed, might as well. and everyone was chill. personal beef spreading bitch didnt come back (the bosses were glad of that) shit was chill. was on friendly terms with "ex" being normal, never had any beef that year. was very much a 'the beef we had the previous year was this bitch egging her on'. i was partially running store. everything was fine i thought.

next year. as it turns out? was not asked to help run store that year. was very confused, there was a slot to fill that no one else could and i wasnt asked to do it. instead they had this absolute bigot who made everyone and i mean EVERYONE who worked there so uncomfortable, abusive language bigoted talk, wouldnt let people leave if they were sick ass piece of shit.. yeah he got the job. and everyone complained, but hes friends with the boss so whatever.

anyway reached my wits end. quit mid season. was fine, i was moving anyway, it was whatever.

you know why i wasnt asked to have that job? cuz the ex. for some reason without thinking, said 'yeah ill come back but i dont want him to be in charge after last year'. and she... never told me there was any problem. and that hurt me so bad. like talking to other people who were there, it all seemed like... okay, i was good at my job and would just.. act like a boss and not a friend sometimes. like be the guy going 'hey can you like. go do __ i need to count the till i dont have time to hear your funny joke rn'. and she took it personally. like its fine if youre sensitive to stuff, but i was under so much stress a lot and i dont always handle it well.

and that beef she had that she didnt tell me about turned into me losing a job, losing my sanity, feeling utterly betrayed and forcing everyone else who worked there to deal with the biggest pos as a boss with no repercussions. i heard from people post quitting i was being talked shit about by my prev bosses TO the employees. for the crime of... complaining about a bigot. who was misgendering me, being racist to other employees, making the teens feel unsafe to be around. like this was a SCREAMING old man kind of shit.

and all because the ex, initially, made a comment about not wanting me to be in charge. and i just... i really dont even know what i did. it was so underhanded. and when i asked her about it, she just said 'no i didnt say i WOULDNT work under you i just said i HOPED you wouldnt be in charge, and weeks later i asked why you werent in charge' but like??? no. you literally said something that cost me a job. you did. theres no taking that back, you didnt tell me any beef you had with me, you clearly equated job stress with personal stress. you cost me a job! YOU did that you set off a chain of events! and like i cant even begin to explain how much i helped her with shit at jobs. like i kind of took all the responsibility but we were both being paid the same. i would get called every day by her being confused by things while i was at home and help walk her through shit. it was fine, i was stressed but i was fine i never held it against her!

and she like. blew up that entire shit. that whole job i loved got blown up cuz i thought i trusted a person. like was it entirely her fault? obviously not. but that kind of shit.. it just hurt. the idea that i trusted her with my own shit years ago, then time and time again that blew up in my face until i just cant look back at any of it happily anymore makes me so upset. 8 years of a job i loved w a friend, and it all got ruined cuz i said 'hey by the way, im trans' and that spiralled into something stupid.

and i havent had a job since for SOOOOOOME REASON..... i sit at home doing fuck all cuz i cant stand the idea of being around anybody again. i dont trust anybody. i dont feel safe talking to people, being in public, having a job... its so stupid and i hate everything.

also the whole. got clocked and almost punched had my 6 ft brother not been standing near me at the time thing. so now i am uh. just completely agoraphobic.

anyway. sorry i am just in a bad place lately.

[rydiathesummoner]

Ranking the shittiest moms in FFXIV

#6: Matoya

"Mentor" my ass. If Thancred is Ryne's dad, Matoya is Y'shtola's mom. Matoya made this list for the sole reason that she made Y'shtola grow up in a damn cave. Why? Why a dark cave? It's ok if Matoya didn't want to go back to anything related to Sharlayan. There are plenty of other places to take your protegé. That said, even though she speaks harshly she loves Y'shtola. She gripes, but she always helps Y'shtola and her friends. She's never like "you're an adult now, piss off." She worries about Y'shtola's health. It could have been worse.

#5: Julyan Manderville

She's a loving and doting mother, until someone indicates she's old. Then it's lights out. With a frying pan. Have you ever held a cast iron pan? No wonder Gilgamesh went through the wall. Girl is slinging brain damage left and right for the sin of assuming she's over 21. Even though she has an adult son. She booted her son over a continent. No really, a literal continent. I'd call that terrible abuse except... you know, Hildebrand and all that... not like he can die.

#4: Cahciua

There's no doubt that Cahciua loves Erenville. However, she was the mom who dumps her kid on friends and relatives so she can maintain her pre-baby lifestyle. Lady you chose to have a kid. You have to adapt. A kid-free lifestyle is unattainable when you have a kid. She strikes me as the type to have a kid for the "adventure" of raising a kid, then they don't do any of the work but still go on about how hard parenthood is.

#3: Teeshal Ja

This lady. She genuinely thought she could baby-trap Zoraal Ja. Bitch, how dumb can you be. I still want to know if for her "boon" she actually asked to have sex with him, or just requested his splooge and made a clone. Either way, Gulool Ja was a means to an end for her, not a beloved son. That said, she didn't toss him in the trash when Zoraal Ja left, and she made an effort to hide him from danger so she's not as awful as she could have been.

#2: Athena:

Holy hell where to begin. She had a kid with a guy she used for power. While most parents want the best for their kids, Athena very deliberately made her son wimpy and compliant. She never loved Erichthonios. To her, he was a specimen. Had she achieved godhood, she would have tossed him in the trash without a second thought. Her last moments were spent telling Erichthonios "ew, you're so useless." Bitch. You deserve to spend eternity in a room full of voice #4 lalas.

#1: Asahi's mom/Yotsuyu's aunt

I started this list thinking Athena would be the obvious winner. But then I remembered this sack of shit. She sold her adopted daughter into prostitution. She didn't feed her. At the end, she had absolutely no remorse about how she treated Yotsuyu. Hell, her last words to Yotsuyu were like "ugh, why don't you just die already? That would be so much more convenient for me!" And it's not just Yotsuyu. She also raised Asahi. You know, the little shit. She raised him to be a little shit. She taught him that abuse and neglect are fine. She utterly failed at both kids she raised. Here's why she's worse than Athena: the Athenas of the world commit "big" crimes that get talked about. This bitch doesn't even get a name. No historian will look at Yotsuyu's crimes and mark down the actions of the woman who raised her. Her cruelty is insidious and silent in comparison to big world events, and because of that this kind of cruelty is widespread and goes unpunished. The Yotsuyu's Moms of the world have caused more collective harm to humanity than one-off psychos like Athena. This cunt deserves to spend eternity in a room full of voice #5 miqo'tes. All bards. All going WAO! WAO! WOOOO! WOO! like a damn police siren. All day. And when they are not waoing, they are playing shitty off-key midi songs, and all of them are slightly out of sync in the song. You deserve it.

[15-lizards]

ASOIAF American highschool AU bc I want them to suffer

-Jon is that guy you see in the hall all the time and he’s super cute but then you talk to him and he’s just. The most pretentious asshole you’ve ever met. He’s better than you bc he takes AP classes btw. And he’s on the basketball team but he’s brooding so he barely has any friends

-Dany is a little FREAK ugh I love her. She’s a GSA officer and wears weird clothes and cat ears to school and everyone makes fun of her but she’s the nicest person ever. Very passionate ab her special interests. super smart too like no one can say that she isn’t top of class

-Sansa is the nice popular religious girl who likes to make cookies for people. She’s like condescending nice though and is sweet to the losers mostly out of pity. Obsessed with Loras in a comphet way to cover her real crush on Margaery. She is on the swim team and loves to run the student council like the navy

-Arya is on the soccer and basketball team. Slightly to weird to be popular but too cool to be a loser. Kind of disruptive in class but it’s okay bc she’s funny. Definition of a low maintenance girl. Cuts her hair short and likes the way she looks in a sports bra and baggy clothes but has yet to find out what non-binary is

-Robb Homecoming King football captain you get the gist. Sincerely nice and is the one jock who’s on good terms with literally everyone in his classes. Tries his best to defend Jon (it is so hard) Has dated around but his most intense relationship is with his drug dealer burnout bestie Theon. They get jealous when the other starts dating a girl (both of them have yet to find out what bisexualism is)

-Joffrey is a grade A bitchass. He’s on the soccer or lacrosse team only because Cersei bribed the coach. No one really likes him but they hang around him anyway because he has a sick ass house and his moms hot. Thinks he’s smarter than he actually is, maintains a C- average

-Bran is that freshman you only see in khaki shorts and graphic t-shirts about bugs or some shit. Completely lives in his own world (autism slay!) and has trouble interacting with other kids. Besties with Meera and Jojen tho who just get him. Reads big ass philosophy books in his spare time

-Aegon is Dany’s cooler cousin. He’s way more popular than Jon and the two have a one sided rivalry that Jon made up in his head. Pretty nice to other people but he thinks he is such hot shit. His superiority complex is kinda crazy

-Theon graduated last year but still hangs around campus. Goes to Robb’s football games and sells drugs under the stands. “Where’s my hug at” guy. Drives a beat up Honda civic that’s on its last legs. Has multiple misdemeanors on his record. Robb thinks he can fix him

-Loras is Robb’s teammate who’s also mister popular. Already has a scholarship to a D1 school and is every teachers favorite (he takes advantage of this to skip class). Smart but doesn’t really try that hard in class. A classic DL gay guy who is in a situationship with grad student Renly after lying about his age on grindr

-Davos is everyone’s favorite History or English teacher. Gets invested in the students wellbeing. Gay kids LOVE him, he never can have a lunch period to himself those kids who are looking for a father figure are always eating lunch in his classroom. Has a loving wife and kids but is down bad for the eternally suffering Vice Principal Stannis

-Robert is the football coach and in most American schools you have to be a teacher to be a coach so he probably teaches health or sex Ed or some shit. Half asses his classes so he can go over film with his football players instead. You can hear him yelling from across campus. He is so loud

-Stannis is the vice principal who absolutely no one likes except Davos. Even the teachers don’t respect him. Has wanted to be principal for years but keeps getting fucked over by administration. Wants to move to a different school district so he can get a pay raise but the sexy Spanish teacher Mel is trying to convince him to blackmail the school board instead

-Tywin the principal. Used to be a AP US history or AP economics teacher but then discovered that he hated kids so he bullied and bribed his way into the principal position. Kids run when they hear him in the hallway with his walkie talkie crackling and his keys jangling. Lets Joffrey get away with everything bc he’s the principals grandson

-Cersei as the head of the school board. Always shoveling funds to her kids school instead of any of the other ones in the school district. Probably is in some sort of tax evasion or bribery scandal that Tywin is trying to cover up. Number one passive aggressive hater on Facebook

[birchblood]

had the shocking realization that i am more depressed again (it's hard for me to recognize dips and crests in it as i've been struggling with deep depression my whole life). ugh. i'm just so worn out. at the risk of giving too much personal info on here i've been struggling more than usual, in particular since the fall where i was impacted by a mass shooting, and then in january my grandfather passed away and my grandmother (other side of family) decided to go on the warpath against me less than like 4 days after he died and it would have been quicker had i returned her call the day after. since then i've been really struggling w a resurgence in my eating disorder and i've just been overwhelmed the past 2 months. i'm just so tired all the time and really don't have much emotional support from others aside from my therapist, and it's hard. a friend came to visit 3 weeks ago and it was really fun but it's hard for me to talk around all the messed up stuff in my life because a) no one can deal w it tbh and as a result, b) i can't take any more emotional rejection from opening up. like it's just too much for other people. i was doing a little better w food and then it got worse again and i'm just done. i don't feel well, and haven't read for like 2 weeks or watched a movie which is how i know i'm depressed, and haven't wanted to make any art either which is also how i know, and letting my apartment get messy which is another indicator. sometimes it's hard for me to catch because i don't necessarily have the super obvious indicators like slipping in personal hygiene etc and still run daily and have a normal sleep schedule and maintain a "normal" mood/presentation. i also think i have low level depression most of the time so it's not like 0 to 60. and the low level depression is very manageable, so then i don't even consider myself depressed even though clinically i very much am, so then i don't really wonder if i am getting more depressed ever and wonder what is going on when literally i have been struggling w bad depression for ages.

i'm also really struggling w my feelings for someone and how they interact w trauma that's soooo deeply rooted. i don't like being personally transparent about it on here but if you see what i post about the most i'm sure you'll get the idea. the idea of being in a relationship with them is incredibly appealing to me, like i wouldn't want one rn with anyone else, but also really scary as i spend a lot of time keeping people at arms length because that's the only way i can easily maintain relationships without bolting. but i really really like them. and then that whole situation is messed up too and i'm worried i like them for trauma related reasons. but if i don't like aspects of the situation (age difference mainly), and wish it were different maybe it's not coming from a dysfunctional place. i really like them because aside from being attracted to them they've displayed an ability to be alongside what's happened to me in a way that made me feel like a whole person, while also being extremely cognizant of the violence i've been the victim of, and not making it about them at all. they're literally the first and only person who has treated me like that.

i don't know.

[selamat-linting]

last night, a little homestuck before bed and :

-i dont think i can maintain the facade of composure or coherence anymore. this is five seconds before john find several people brutally slaughtered, including his own dad, and he himself get stabbed to death. look at him! look at how silly this child is. my zillyhoo son, its unfair theyre piling up all this shit to you.

-i get why rose went grimdark tbh. things are pretty bad out there. it fucks me up that she's like, taking over the suicide mission. and how awful it is that she'd gone off the deep end that she looked at her parents dead body and only think of killing. something i noticed between the two light players is that theyre always burdening themselves with the hard, difficult tasks alone even though the team wanted it to be done as a group effort. its commendable but not always a good thing.

-its pretty funny that the kids with shitty guardians' have a wildly contrasting reactions to their dead parents like

dave, at the beginning of story : my bro is the coolest guy ever

dave now : huh. he's dead. okay. time to use the sword lodged in his chest as a trampoline! sweet loot. i love not getting knifed in my apartment

rose, at the beginning of the story : my loathsome mother and her penchant for the devil's drink!!!!!

rose, now : i should've looked out for her *activates rage mode*

i mean, i suppose thats appropriate but. you know how it is. poor kids, they've been through a lot. did they even have a warm meal lately? also i think bro is kinda handsome and i understand his fascination with puppets. i too, read a tentacle dick spamton fic as a lark and becomes genuinely intrigued with it.

-i am in love, in love! with the format of clicking to a collage of pictures. There was just so much Shit going on and the banner have doc scratch home being burned down and snowman making out after smoking a bloodied pipe. and then jade hunting frogs with dave. it would have been adorable to see these kids finally meeting each other for the first time if the world wasnt going to do a hard reset.

-fuck it. an AU. kids being kids. no sburb no tragedy. theyre just online friends. jade's grandpa is alive, he took jade into civilization often so she's not undersocialized and knows how to function if she wants to live a normal life. and as a birthday gift he took all of her friends to the island as a surprise for her 13th birthday. they spend the day catching frogs and playing paintball. and then at night, rose and jade urge everyone to try lucid dreaming. none of them made it because theyre all too busy making fun of john's movie selection. dave is beatboxing over squiddles music. and then right in the middle of their playing, a ship crash landed to the island. it was the trolls.

-uhhghgghghhh i need to see. an animatic. of jade and dave's fight. with bec noir. look at all the moves theyre making it would have been one hell of a fight and we were robbed of a proper flash with boisterous music! space time vs omnipotence lets fucking go!

-speaking of vriska, wow she really is giving her all in these pages. her last stand with jack. the enemy she took part in creating. she knew she was going to die and done her best asking out literally everyone alive. and the best/worst thing is, everyone accepts. terezi literally came to her with all the rp outfit they used to do. and, i know i should be shocked but im just laughing at karkat showing up late with the sloppy makeout note. And she gave the cutest most adorable date proposal to john like, ugh its cute teenage puppy love! yes, i think they'd go well together. I dunno, maybe its my kimharry enjoyer heart speaking, but i think characters who'd done terrible violence should be with someone who only met them after they strived to be someone better, or at least a blank slate. that way, they get a fresh start and can focus on improving instead of getting distracted with hurt feelings and old wounds. also i am not burdening terezi, aradia, tavros, and all of the kids she personally maimed with All of That tbh. unless they want to ofc.

-anyways, here is the updated vriska relationship chart

matesprit -> still, the poster of nicholas cage in con air, or karkat if youre so inclined to imagine a world where she makes out with karkat before fighting terezi. gross lol.

moirallegiance -> john, full stop. her relationship with terezi needs some peace time before coming back into pale redrom

kismesis -> terezi. im FROTHING at the mouth thinking at the tragedy of their relationship. this is some intergenerational trauma shit, some wicked codependency junk, like the cuno and his buddy C. its the real shit fa- (okay i should stop speaking like cuno before i embarras myself)

-also. WHY WAS IT A JUST DEATH! im hitting the clock im destroying it with jack. fuck you fuck you so much. Doc scratch fix the clock so it gives me what i want or i'll burn your house! asshole!

-im curious about the sprites. i hope they find a way to be relevant again. i've always think theyre awesome and has more info that could have been beneficial for the kids.

-all in all, i give this homestuck liveread and overall rating of what the fuck what the fuck ohhhhh ohhh my fucking godd imma read this again motherfucker

[jillepathy]

5.1.23

My partner ask me to please process day 1 of code camp so I can tell them about it over dinner (without my many tangents into the mildly interesting but ultimately unnecessary details).

So this is the version with the tangents.

Initial thoughts > way newer than I thought it was with the first code camp taking place in 2018 for a primarily cust ops branch in Portland, Oregon that wanted to expand into software development after hiring a few engineers

^ literally me the first time I met a software engineer I was like huh cool and now I’m like oooohhhhh cooooolllllll the internet ! I wanna do that too

…

Anyways week 1 guy is a systems engineer (not a software engineer) seems like a fancy title for like building manager ? But specifically involving storing data… it’s kind of giving Big Query a little bit but also physical (kind of giving librarian?! )

The focus seems to be on building and maintaining relationships (my greatest struggle as an autistic person) and the idea that learning is nonlinear (knew this already!)

The learning curve is steep and you don’t need to know computer science to learn programming (I’m pretty lucky already having general knowledge of how the internet works bc of the info sci and data science classes I took)

Luckily, a lot of Barb’s friends already do programming … Henri said they know how to GitHub if I need help but the pace of the class seems kind of slow compared to grad school -not sure if I’ll need to ask them since all the instructors are very approachable plus I’m learning together with Su so I’ll probably try and brainstorm with them first before branching out

It’s all other employees volunteering to share their knowledge (it’s low key giving libraries ?! )

I feel like everyone is pretty nice. I forgot to say my pronouns I was so nervous 😩 but seems like quite a few queer people involved

We’re going to be working on a project (not sure if it’s a team project or we each have individual projects )

One of the instructors (hes giving autism for sure) said they sunsetted his hack week project but that he really valued it

We’re creating something but it’s not from nothing (history degree jumping out), it’s from the work of many many contributors who came before us

I would love to see more of an app focused on the physical experience of people especially as remote work kind of removes us from physical space (not really though since we all physical beings)

Ugh this is me going off on my many processing tangents

I Guess i would say it actually seems easier than I thought it would be (shoutout to Dr Oakleaf for giving me the WORST 2 classes of my life the bar is literally in hell thanks to you, appreciate you)

It’s like way more diverse than grad school too which is a big reflection on SQSP that I’m into

It’s way smaller than I thought which is honestly really nice I feel like it won’t be toooooo hard to remember everyone after 5 weeks working together

Yeah this is just a jumping off point

A lot of review, some bad jokes / programming humor and introductions

Me and Su are the only people from Tock but there is one guy from Acuity

Can’t believe Isa called me a nerd for this! The whole reason I wanted to break into tech was to get into software development

And they said themselves this is forging a path for a career in software development

My dreams are really coming true 🥲

It’s hard for me to acknowledge and accept

The hw for week 1 was to ask for help. I definitely already did that since I was having access issues.

For week 2…? Is it the Read Me? Idk how to GitHub … yet…but I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow

Yeah so it was nice, it was about 20 people, about 6 of them instructors/TAs but all of them other employees

Everyone seems pretty excited and it definitely FEELS pretty exciting to me.

Im excited and nervous and scared but also really happy and really proud of myself.

I am learning what i want to learn and I feel like I can be my whole self doing it.

Pretty neat!!!

I’ll tell Barb the first day was pretty abstract but overall there is a feeling of genuine care and excitement for the whole program - it’s literally run by volunteers. The instructors are senior employees who value mentorship and have been both mentor and mentee. There’s an emphasis in collaboration and partnership.

I guess at the end of the day it’s kind of like how the number one indicator for longevity in your career is having friends to work with.

Yeah basically it seems more chill somehow than I thought. There’s hw but it’s like “ask for help” like ? I can do that.

I e been so nervous since this is the first class I’m doing since I dropped out of grad school.

But I’m in a way better position than I was.

I Can do this.

Let’s gooooo!!!!!

[borathae]

For all those that have complained about the plot right now about how Tae is getting pushed aside; let me introduce the scenario of the burning house.

You have a neighborhood, right. All the houses are nice and maintained and everything is peaceful in the neighborhood. Then, omg! a Fire! One of the houses in your sweet, little neighborhood has caught fire. All attention and effort must be directed towards that one house in the neighborhood to put the fire out. It doesn't mean the other houses are any less important, but right now this how is literally on fucking fire and we have to save it. Yoongi is the house on fire right now.

With all that said. This chapter is heartbreaking 💔 you're telling my Taehyung found reader literally d*ying in the hallway?? Ugh I cried so hard when she said she finally felt nothing 😭

Fuck Namjoon (MV Namjoon, irl Namjoon is a sweet baby angel). We've got to find his weak spot and torture ain't it boo. Can reader try the device/spell that might turn Namjoon into a human or is it too dangerous for her to wield? She could test it out on one of his followers.

I love Jungkook 💕💕💕💕 He's like let's go get some answers and get our Yoongi back. My question is how come they haven't reached out to Meredith yet in the first place?

OOOOH DAAAAAMN 😲 that's such a good analogy fjadsj thank you so much for sending this in fandfs this is genuis and I didn't even think of it this way. But I do highly agree with you 10/10 best analogy 💅🏻

you're telling my Taehyung found reader literally d*ying in the hallway?? Ugh I cried so hard when she said she finally felt nothing 😭

tHIS PART RIPPED ME APART 😭😭😭😭

Can reader try the device/spell that might turn Namjoon into a human or is it too dangerous for her to wield? She could test it out on one of his followers.

Sadly Yoongi never got to creating the device. As of now, it is only a spell in a book which she can't decipher without Yoongi's help. Which is why she hasn't tried to threaten him with it yet (that and she also didn't think of it yet because of how cluttered her brain is) 😭

I love Jungkook 💕💕💕💕 He's like let's go get some answers and get our Yoongi back.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! istfg he loves Yoongi so fucking much :( and the fact that he is all like "you and I are a team and we are gonna find a cure for him" JUST!!! HE IS SUCH A CUTIE!!!

My question is how come they haven't reached out to Meredith yet in the first place?

do you want my honest answer that I as an author decided to include this lil plothole for the sake of later plot development or do you want me to make up a very creative lie that Meredith wasn't available until now? 😶😂😂😂 but let's just go with the theory that Meredith and her coven were highly busy with coastal coven duty and therefore were unable to be contacted JFADJFJ

[alamwamal]

For the character meme: Izaya from Durarara!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. CHARACTER ASK MEME

send me a character name and i’ll tell you three things i have in common with them and three things i don’t

Under the cut.

2. Put a fictional character in my ask

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

 Long post under the cut! Kind of personl too, so..

Important: I have only watched the anime recently once, and only read some fans opinions on the novels as well as some snippets. So I may not have a good understanding on drrr and Izaya and I could be missing some details.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really, really enjoy Izaya as a character. I think that he’d be very interesting to analyze (I wish I could). What’s even more interesting, is that all the analysis I came across are different, and don’t seem to agree on basic things. It’s understandable because many fans are just amateurs, but it does go to say something about the complexity of his character. 

Take this for example: some say that he’s an extrovert because he does enjoy socializing and gets bored easily when he’s not meddling in someone’s business, he’s just very bad at socializing. But others think that he’s an introvert and that his interest in “humans” is not as “socializing” but more of a hobby and as a “subject” to study.

There’s more, but you see where I’m going with this. 

Anyway, it’s obvious he’s a fav because I truly enjoy his character, he’s interesting manipulative liar, two faced, narcissistic, lunatic, obsessed maniac, smart, cunning, agile, selfish, sadistic jerk, he loves to meddle and involve himself in everything, etc, you know, the usual. He’s partially what’s moving the plot.

But at the same time I “ugh” and “loathe” him because I was truly distraught by some of his actions. Not to mention he’s so low and petty for not only endangering and manipulating the lives of teens (Kida literally warns the YS not mess with adults bc of him) but also little girls like Akane -alongside Namie and Nakura smh. 

This scene shocked/horrified me so much to be honest I’m not even sure why. And no offense, but if I shipped it I would have dropped it right here. This was so, so serious.

Now all of that add to Izaya as an interesting character, but it’s just that he’s not above anything which personally bothers and upsets me occasionally. I guess it’s just that Drrr has a way in which makes it impossible to like a character 100% ,except for Dotachin perhaps but I could be forgetting something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHARACTER ASK MEME

send me a character name and i’ll tell you three things i have in common with them and three things i don’t

First things first, you need to know I reblogged this meme for Izaya, because I feel that we’re either too similar or too different, there’s no in between. But since I got unexpected asks, I got lazy and didn’t finish it.

Three things we have in common:

We use computers a lot.

We both love humanity in general but not individuals in specific. But obviously Izaya is a psychopath so unlike Izaya, I do care about people, it’s just I kind of don’t feel “attached” and my care circle is so small.

We have a hard time maintaining friendships -outside of work/school, perhaps it’s because we don’t feel we belong with them and/or because we feel that we don’t need more “commitments/obligations”.  

Fashion? what’s that?! We just dress as comfortable and functionally, and we love just black! I’m sure I mentioned how much I love his coat before, it warms my heart. I’m weak against cold weather, I wonder if Izaya is too.

Speaking of which, it is mentioned that Izaya is very ticklish and a light-sleeper, and so am I. (He also seems to drink tea quite a lot, I wonder if he prefers tea but this is an observation not stated in canon. )

I’m in love with his apartment and it’s not just the expensive furniture but also the black and gray colors. When I was young I told people that I want a black decor form house and people would say “it’d be heart enveloping/encloseing”. It’s in a very bad sense but this is the closest term in English).

As far as the anime goes (I’m not sure about the novels): When I’m in my “safespace” or “safezone” I can act spontaneously and kinda childish like I’d jump around. Izaya however, doesn’t really need a safe space. For example, he walks around while jumping/skippig! I so used to do this a lot but not in public.Though I don’t do this much anymore but this totally reminds me of myself .

lol

~~~~~~~~~

Three things we don’t:

He’s an adventurer and takes any risk, I’m a coward and a safe-only person. Apparently, Namie believes he’s willing to risk getting killed in order to punch someone in the face.

He’s very interested in knowing and interacting with “Humans” and tries to deal/meddle with as many as possible. Meanwhile, I’m trying to hide and avoid as many as possible.

I’m not trying to hurt or ruin others’ lives.

Yeah, I’m more of an honest person and I do not like deceiving anyone and he’s a manipulative puppet master.

He’s cunning and he’s especially a good talker, meanwhile I’m “inept” and I can’t deal with people. Some people deal with me and think I’m an idiot and that they imagine they can just fool me. I’m not easily fooled but I’m not good at helping myself out of it.

Last one: He’s an atheist and I’m a believer/monotheist. I’m adding this because it does seem to be a defining character for both of us.

Speaking of this, I find it weird that while he’s an atheist, he somehow he fears death and believes in the after life so desperately. But his logic is beyond me, I understand that he doesn’t want to vanish or cease to exist, but not the fact that he doesn’t believe in a God, especially with supernatural creatures like Celty or saika around. It’d be more understandable if he were to believe in God but not the after lifer, because believing in the afterlife definitely requires one to believe in a creator, otherwise it doesn’t make sense for a material creations to fully recreate dissolved lifeforms. 

I speculate that even though he seems to be optimistic most of the time, his view on the world scale is pessimistic and maybe deep down he’s mad at God?! He enjoys living but thinks that this world is incorrect and wants another world? I’m not sure.

************

All in all, Izaya is one of the most interesting characters in anime, with his twisted personality and morals. I wish I was better at expressing myself to talk more about Izaya. 

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

and honestly like.... whatever, at this point.

im sick and tired of worrying more abt them than myself

and im tired of them gaslighting and manipulating me

and im tired of them pushing all the blame onto me and making me feel like im insane for feeling this way

i WASNT a saint in our relationship!

but i very strongly maintain the fact that i only ever did things that they told me they were okay with

like. i ALWAYS stopped when they told me to

(even if i was confused bc they told me prior that they wanted me to keep doing that specific behvaior, only to backtrack n say they hated it when i did that)

like... jesus christ they rlly did just treat me in a way they never treated anyone else

nobody else that they got into a relationship with had a "trial by fire" entry

i struggled HARD in our relationship, the ENTIRE way through

like yeah part of that is my aromanticism, but a far larger part is them literally traumatizing me

i genuinely never wouldve had this reaction either if like. i hadnt

a) figured out that there was a strong timeline incongnruency (we started dating in 2014. im not crazy. im NOT crazy. their excuse of "well we were qpps beforehand" doesnt fucking matter we called each other qpps WELL into 2015 and beyond - i would know, i checked our old blogs out. also thats arophobic lol qpps are committed relationships just like romantic partners are)

b) been told that one of their current alters had left-over traits from hyde. like. i was fully convinced before this point that hyde was a spiritual alter, not an actual part of them. i was abused by hyde. he was the one alter they had that i pointed to and said that i was abused by him. they said they were abused by him too. i was intimate with that alter before i ever knew this info. im still rlly upset abt this. like. at some point, at least one of your alters KNEW. i have no clue how quickly i was told. but i just. i cant wrap my head around this lol. like wow. youre always the one preaching abt system responsibility but you have never apologized or tried to repair what hyde broke. hyde was literally a part of you. his traits are part of you. part of you hurt me so bad that i honest to god have PTSD now.

NOT TO MENTION. ari was abusive to me too tbh not even gonna like. minimize that

were they abusive in the same way as hyde? no. but they also abused me

i was never the one in control in that relationship, there was never a sense of me being the one holding more of the power

we literally joked that ari was the one who wore the pants. i was always the one changing my behavior to match their needs - it was never the other way around. they encouraged me to act yandere. they encouraged me to have no boundaries between us. literally they are the whole reason i had a scare abt possibly feeling incestuous feelings irl towards my older family members in the first place

i was literally probably at the tail end of 12 when we met, and DEFINITELY at MAX i was 13.

hyde was my introduction to bdsm, tossing me into CG/L, with me as the little. he emphasized my youth and innocence and his desire to corrupt me into a more mature sexy femme fatale type. I WAS LITERALLY THIRTEEN.

ari wanted me to be their actual mom. I WAS YOUNGER THAN THEM BY A YEAR AND A HALF? I WAS A CHILD/PRETEEN WHEN WE FIRST MET? I NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN PUSHED INTO THAT ROLE

like. being a mommy NEVER came naturally to me

not to mention me feeling like i wasnt allowed to regress or feel young around them - i never felt safe enough to

also bc ari would pitch a fit abt my child alters being out around them bc they said they were scared of children

which - fun fact - they never had that issue with our other friends

like... god. im just angry. its that feeling of like. "why can they treat other people like that but im always relegated to second best and back up?"

just. FUCK. wow

just. aughhhh

i want to know why everyone else got to see the bulk of their good side while i only ever got crumbs tossed my way

also like... ugh. idk

i dont owe them an explanation. i dont want them in my life anymore.

i already uninstalled discord off of my pc and phone

i feel a lot better bc of that

everythings on a new notes app im using now!

i just need to organize it lol

[jungwnies]

⋅ ⎯ ✈︎ 박성화 park seonghwa | s. park seonghwa a-z sfw alphabet ! | g. romance, fluff, slice of life ! | p. gn!reader x bf!seonghwa ! | wc. ~1.5k !

❥ — requested by anon

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⠀⠀masterlist | navigation

a — affection (how affectionate is he? how often does he show affection?)

he shows affection often i think he’s very affectionate and sweet

but not in public too much

he likes to keep pda under the wraps

but he does kiss you quite often

his favorite is to cuddle you and then bend down a little while you’re in his arms and kiss you :(

b — beginning (what would he be like as a bsf; how would the friendship start?)

as a best friend seonghwa will be your #1 companion

he is someone who will listen to you about all your problems

he’s also someone who doesn’t expect it back from you

it’s very much appreciated if you do listen to his problems

the friendship would quite frankly start out of no where

i feel like he was on a dating app or something and he came across you

once you guys started talking he deleted the app because he only likes you

c — cuddles (does he like to cuddle; how would he cuddle?)

yes he loves it secretly i don’t think he tells you

but you can tell how much he loves it

he literally does not let go of you

he holds you so close to him you can probably hear his heart beat

he likes to rest his his chin on your forehead and place sweet kisses on your forehead ugh

d — domestic (does he want to settle down; how good is he at cooking and cleaning?)

yes he does 100% not immediately though

he wants to wait a little bit and he’s pretty good at being a chef and cleaner

he's pretty hard to maintain though as per hongjoong, but trust you've got this!

e — ending (if he had to break up with you; how would he do it?)

i feel like he would ghost you

im saying though because i feel like he wouldn't know how to handle a situation like this

so he would simply be like bye and leave without saying anything

rip to whoever he breaks up with, not you though

f — fiance (how does he feel about commitment; would he want to get married quick?)

no no no

he wants to take it slow

super slow

no rushing, a lot of TLC

like a lot of it

slow burn romance is what you get with seonghwa

g — gentle (how gentle is he; emotionally + physically?)

he's gentle but dangerous

like a bear

fluffy but evil kind of thing

i don't think he would hurt you physically at all

but if you gave him a reason to hurt you emotionally he will

h — hugs (does he likes hugs; how often does he hug you; what are his hugs like?)

he loves them

he always hugs you

like those cliche couples in rollercoaster lines

and they are all disgusting and loving 🤢

that's y'all

only with hugs though

he's not going to make out with you in public that's for sure

unless you initiate it, then it's not happening

i — i love you (how fast does he say he loves you?)

i think it slips sooner than later

but does he mean it the first time he says it? no.

i think he would say it because he feels himself falling in love with you

and then eventually he does mean it

he doesn't intend to hurt you

j — jealousy (how jealous does he get; what does he do when he is jealous?)

this man is so possessive i do not care what anyone else has to say about this

he gets jealous easily and fast

and you will be able to see it displayed through his facial expressions frfr

usually he pulls you closer, gives whoever is looking at you a malicious stare

he literally has like murder on his mind whenever he sees someone eyeing you

he's not as bad as san, but it's pretty bad

k — kisses (what are his kisses like; where does he like to kiss you; where does he like to be kissed?)

your lips

he loves your lips

and loves to be kissed on his neck

which, i think he loves your neck too

l — little ones (how is he around children?)

he's so sweet with children

with how possessive he is with you

you wouldn't expect him to be super sweet with them

at first it's a little awkward

but then he really enjoys his time with them

i don't think he's father material at the moment, but he will be one day

m — morning (how are mornings spent with him?)

in bed

always in bed

he wakes up and pulls you closer to him if you're not already in his arms

doesn't matter if you're still asleep or not

he wakes up first and then pulls you in his arms just to fall back asleep

n — night (how are nights spent with him?)

also in bed

or in the shower? but this is sfw soooo...

probably in bed though

same scenario as the mornings

o — open (when would he open up; does he say everything at once or does he wait to reveal himself?)

i think he doesn't open up quickly

but once he does he's telling you his whole life story

unsolicited stories about his life

but i'm sure you don't mind right?

right?!?!?!

p — patience (how easily angered is he?)

it really depends on his mood

if he's already irritated from work or whatever he has little to no patience

but if he's in a calm and not so angry mood he has a lot of patience and is probably bothered by nothing

he can go from 1 to 100 within seconds

i wouldn't mess with him tbh

q — quizzes (how much would he remember about you; does he remember every little detail; or is he forgetful?)

i feel like he secretly knows everything about you

like he pretends that he doesn't

but in reality he does and it shocks you when he brings you home some of your favorite things

whether is material things, food, or whatever you name it

it's shocking because he likes to play dumb

when he in actuality knows you like the back of his hand

r — remember (what is his favorite moment in the relationship?)

cuddle time 100%

s — security (how protective is he; how does he protect you; how would he like to be protected?)

he protects you by making you walk away from the street and closer to the grass on the sidewalks

always holds your hand in public and keeps you safe

and if anyone tries it with you

his death stare is enough to actually kill people

maybe put them in a trance or something idk

he likes to be protected by you in public by staying near him

your safety is his safety

that's how he views it

t — try (how much effort does he put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he puts a lot of effort

it doesn't seem like it because a lot of the dates are minimal

but a lot of though actually went into it

do not underestimate this man

his brain is full of ideas i swear

u — ugly (what are some of his bad habits?)

probably the fact he can go from 1 to 100 on a scale of anger

he might snap sometimes

after all, he's an aries

he's got fire in him

all aries do

v — vanity (how concerned is he with his looks?)

he doesn't really care

but like he also cares at the same time

he tries to look good yet comfy

he pulls it off though

so W ig

w — whole (would he feel incomplete without you?)

no

i am sorry

but no

i don't think he would be any different with our without you

even if you were the love of his life

he might be super heartbroken forever

but his personality is still there

he gives himself reasons on why he shouldn't feel incomplete without you

x — xtra (random headcanon for him)

i think that despite him being a little mean sometimes

he's a sweetheart deep down

you just have to crack through that shell

y — yuck (what are some things he wouldn't like; in general or in a partner?)

i don't think he would like someone who is full of theirselves

seonghwa seems like he has a big ego ngl

so if you also had a big ego

i think that you guys would clash heads

he loves your confidence

but he doesn't like cockiness

he has a big ego but i am full supporter of humble seonghwa

z — zzz (what are his sleeping habits?)

he doesn't really make noises

but he tends to take up a lot of space

but i guess him holding you close makes up for that loss space

but if you want space in bed

just...

just get your own bed LOL

2022 © jungwnies

taglist : @duolingofanaccount , @kendalllovestxt [ open - bolded could not be tagged ! ]

[jaylaxies]

Man, I love Sunghoon so much, I want him to rail me. I want to be his cum slut. I want to be his literal cumdumpster. I’d feel no shame. He can literally cover me in his seed and I’d be laying there all sticky with a full ass smug smile after being fucked senseless by him. I want a one way ticket to Sunghoon pound town and I never want to come back. I want my thighs to be bruised by how hard and how fast he’s slamming into me and I want him to mark me, want him to leave bites all over my tits and hand prints around my throat. Want him to pull my hair, and shove his fingers down my throat after he finger fucks his cum back into me because that shit is jam packed, ain’t got enough pussy room for all the loads he’s gonna be dropping in this cooch.

I want him to absolutely demolish me. I want him to leave me breathless and teary eyed from overstimulation. I want him to leave my legs shaking as he smirks down at me cause he knows he’s the one that’s got me like that. The praise that’ll pour from his lips because I take him so well, and the stupid smug look on his face when I’m begging him for another round because I can’t get enough of how good he feels when he’s inside me. I want him to fuck me so hard that I can’t walk straight for a good three days which would only make him more cocky.

The sheen of sweat that would cover him by round five would have him glistening in the light of the room and god he’d look so fucking good. He’d maintain eye contact because he finds great pride in the fucked out look in your eyes. Ugh. If you even try to break eye contact with him he’d grip your hair or grab your chin to force you to look at him. He loves it, he finds it both sexy and adorable.

But also if I ever saw him in real life I’m pretty sure I’d pass out and turn into a puddle and cry because he’s so perfect. I wouldn’t even be able to say hello, I’d probably just dip and look like a fool.

Also, may I be ⛸ anon?

this is perfect lord i have nothing to add except for the fact that he'll do you so good, you'll be seeing stars and drooling over how good he fucks you, deep and spanks you, groaning at your tightness </3

and yes! welcome to the family, anonnie <3

[hyuuckly]

f i r s t t i m e w/ t h e m

— mark and 00’ dream line x fem!reader

— 1.7k words

— smut

warnings: dom!idols, overstimulation, squirting throatfucking, pet names, cockwarming, unprotected sex, mutual masturbation, pussy slapping, spitting

‹ mark lee ›

i think mark would be the type to ask you if you’re okay with it every other minute because he wouldn’t wanna do anything that’ll hurt you or make you uncomfortable. but once you reassure him for the hundredth time that you’re completely okay with anything he does, he won’t hold back. after asking seven times (at least), and he gets that sure and confident look of yours, oh boy, he will not hold back. definitely the type to slap and grab your ass constantly while he’s thrusting into you. his pace would be slow and steady at first but once you adjust to his size, he’ll snap harder. i think he’d keep his pace slow but the power of his thrust would literally knock you out. i also think he’d be vocal, but moaning and grunting wise. not much talking from him during your first time together because he’s too nervous to come up with sentences. mark would pin your hands above your head when you reach over to try and rub your clit because he wants you to come from only his cock. and he succeeds. he’d also be the type to lick your neck when he sees you sweating. he’d whisper pet names such as baby, princess, babygirl, and kitten into your ear but he’d sound so desperate and fucked out when doing so. he’d want to cum in you if you were okay with it, and he loves to overstimulate you both so he’d continue fucking into you. he’d make sure you cum on his cock twice before pulling out of you. he’d lick the cum out of your pussy but very quickly so you don’t cum again and pass out lmao. overall, mark would definitely make sure you’re completely comfortable with doing it and will literally fuck your brains out steadily the second you give him the green light.

‹ huang renjun ›

ugh renjun would be so gentle with you. i don’t see much foreplay for the first time having sex with him, though. just a lot of groping and touching and feeling your entire body up. he’d be the type to place kisses all over your chest, neck, stomach, face, and thighs while groping your breast and ass. small whispers of praises too, to make sure you feel beautiful. he would also jack himself off while he sucks on your nipples, and he’d make you touch yourself so you guys just watch each other pleasure yourselves. at one point, he’ll just stop whatever he’s doing and admire your body sprawled on the bed, looking so helplessly and desperate for his cock. his dick would jump at the view of your glistening pussy, so ready for him. he’d go slow when entering you, i think he’d tease you for being so tight. “god, darling, so snug around me. hmm let me ruin you.” yeah, he screams corruption kink to me. he would keep a slow pace the whole time but his thrusts are so fucking deep. he’d kiss and suck your tongue while fucking you too. he would bite your collarbones and lick them right after to ease the sting. his moans would sound like whimpers, i think. the look on his face would be so dominant and dark but the noises that escape him would sound broken. renjun is also the type to lightly choke you for the first time, but his grip will gradually tighten overtime. he makes sure you cum first, then he finishes on your bare stomach then picks up his cum with his fingers and makes you lick them clean. ideally, he��d want to decorated your face with his cum or finish in your mouth, but he saves that for when you feel more comfortable.

‹ lee jeno ›

you cannot tell me that jeno is not an ass person. this man would literally go crazy when he sees your bare ass for the first time. he’d make you lay on your stomach on his lap so he could have the perfect view. i think the first time with jeno would be so so so touchy and intense. he’d give you light spanks because he loves to see the way your ass jiggles. he’d also slightly thrust up into you when your laying down on lap unconsciously because he’s just that horny. he’d also finger you in this position, making sure you cum at least two times before taking his monstrous cock (bc we all know he’s packing). he’d coo at you so much, clicking his tongue every time you jolt from the sensitivity. once he thinks your ready, he’d waste no time being inside of you. so no blowjob for him, yet. he’d carry your body so you could lay on your back, and he’s definitely the type to take his dick and tease your clit with it, spreading your juices all around. god, jeno would be ruthless. immediately starts with a rough pace, not fast, but rough. reaches your g-stop with no problem. he would grab your hair and make you maintain eye contact with him while he’s fucking you up and would spit in your mouth then kiss you messily right after. he would make you cum with his dick then he’d pull out but would aim his cum on your clit and slit then spreads it around your pussy with his tip. then he’d lick you clean, making you cum for the fourth time!

‹ lee donghyuck ›

this dude would be such an annoying ass tease! hyuck would mockingly praise you and make cooing noises every time you’d whine when he’d purposely miss your clit when fingering you. this mf would not shut his mouth, he’d be so good at dirty talk ugh (his gemini popping off). he’d be the type to call you his cumslut, cockslut, whore, yeah you get the point. you’d be such a pillow princess with him lmfao. he’d eat you out so well, and would literally not stop eating you out until you yank him off by his hair which he loves and could literally cum from the feeling of the harsh tug. even when you yank him off, he gives you a moment to catch your breath but gets back to work. would definitely make you squirt and he’d drink it all up. “look at my pretty whore, such a slut for my tongue, aren’t you.” whenever you’d close your eyes or look up at the ceiling, he’d pinch your thigh or ass or both because he wants your eyes on him constantly. the only one who’d let you suck his cock during your first time. oh you think you’d have control when sucking him off? nah. he’d fuck your throat. you’d be kneeling for him, looking up at him with doe eyes and he’d admire the view from above, caressing your face and hair before he slides himself in your mouth. he’d be decent and give you time to adjust to his thickness (bc he’s packing too) before going in completely. he’d hold your face steady and just fuck into your mouth, but won’t cum just yet. he’d pull you off the second he feels his climax approaching and push you down so you lay on your back. he gives you a few harsh pussy slaps with his thick cock before entering you. his girth is so thick and would definitely stretch you out. he’d overstimulate you, rubbing your clit hard and fast and sucking on your nipples, flicking his tongue around them while drilling into you incredibly fast. he’d definitely want to cum in you if you let him, but if not, he’d be okay with cumming in your mouth.

‹ na jaemin ›

he is such a soft dom omg. he’d have so many pet names for you. darling, angel, love, sweetheart, baby, pretty girl, everything! “pretty girl, will you let me take care of you? love you?” he could spend all day eating you out because he’s addicted to the way you taste and react to every single motion of his tongue. he would also buy you lingerie to wear if you planned your first time beforehand, and wouldn’t take it off of you because you look so beautiful in it. he’d only pushed your bra up to show your breasts and panties to the side to reveal your wet cunt. he would finger you and suck your clit into oblivion. also another member to make you squirt from eating you out so well and for so long. the squirting would only encourage him to keep going until he literally cannot breathe. he would maintain eye contact when eating you out and would wink at one point just to tease you. he won’t let you suck him off even if you beg because he wants the focus to be on you. even though he would eat your pussy for majority of the time, he won’t let you come on his tongue because he wants to feel your pussy tighten as you cum around his cock instead. he’d enter you carefully, kissing you while doing so in order to distract you from the pain. once he sees all signs of discomfort go away, this boy will not hold back. i don’t think he’d choke you but he’d definitely grip your hips and your breasts so tightly that it lowkey hurts but you honestly don’t care at the moment. not when he’s fucking you so well, he’d hit your g-spot every single time. he’d switch your positions so you’d be on top of him but he’d still be the one thrusting into you because he doesn’t want his princess to be doing any work. he would definitely suck on your titties like it’s the last day on earth while fucking up into you. he’d admire the way they’d bounce at every thrust and could cum from the sight. yeah jaemin’s a tits guy. he would have his sly ass smile on display while fucking you too. you and him would cum at the same time and he’d finish inside. jaemin would move you so you could lay down comfortably but will not pull out because he wants his cum to stay inside (if you’re on birth control). you guys would fall asleep while his cock would still be in you because it feels so warm and comfy.