#literally just started my relisten a few days ago

[rabbit-rays]

image id: a black and white line drawing of ibex, seen in profile from the shoulders up. he’s looking upwards with a somber expression. above him floats the skull of an ibex, with it’s horns circling the back of his head. end id.

request for @eri-223!! IBEX i am thinking about him

[fl00mie]

OMGG, ysss!! All of the songs you've talked about slap so muchhh!(I've literally been listening to "Waiting For You" on loop xD) Thinking about animatics is the no1 thing I do too soo I tots get you >:)! It's been so long since I last heard "It took me by surprise" thoughhh, I feel like relistening nowww!! UT music is amazingg! My fave is definitely "Bonetrousle" lol, I just love how goofy it iss!! It's "Raining Somewhere Else" also has a special place in my hearttt!1 Anddd, Underverseee, you're so rightt!! "Soulless Heart" and "Broken Truce" are god tier!!! Also, the first time I listened to "Black Apple" I had chillsss!! So goodd!! I appreciate you so much for answering every timee! It's always so nice to talk with you :D! And it's only been a few askss lol! (ps: my nap was great, thnk youuu <3)

-☀️

ayo just came to bed to sleep and checked my inbox one last time, very glad you slept well sunnyy☆ (you feel alright if i call u that way? habshdh) IT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE ENJOYER SPOTTEDDD OMG i think i know no one who knows this song😭😭 i first listened to it maaany years ago but gave it another chance just to realize its lyrics are literally x fricking gaster and now i listen to it constantly- also super same with waiting for you, spent like the first five days listening to it on loop at least 2 hours a day💥💥💥💥 you see nyx goddamn cooked with this one (i need to yap more about this song AHRJJGG).. UGH yeah any ut song is just perfect even 070🥰 lol but yeah actually, most if not EVERY song is quite enjoyable, listening to the whole shuffled ost is very funny while doing any kind of stuff wheheh— YEAYEA SONGS LIKE SOULLESS HEART MEAN SO MUCH IN UVS SERIES😭 especially for ink's character.. i'll never get tired of making ink such a complex character in her story even if i sound repetitive😔😔

AH it's also nice to talk to u everytime ajsbdj<3 literally, since people (and specially u!!!) started giving these kind messages everything just seemed to improve❤️‍🩹 so grateful i could die.. now i'm going straight to sleep lols!! it's pretty late but that's not new for me😵‍💫 gn!

[fragileswift1313]

Speak Now (Taylor's Version)!

Hey!

So some of you will know this, others may not, but Taylor Swift recently re-recorded her 2010 album titled Speak Now, and it was released roughly 40 hours ago at the time of posting. When ‘Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)’ was announced back in the first week of May this year, I wrote a thing about how I feel about the original album. If you haven’t read that, you may want to to get caught up on how and why I feel things so deeply for this record in particular.

Since way back in February 2021, when Taylor first announced that she was re-recording a bunch of her old albums, starting with Fearless, I have been waiting for this moment. I won’t get into the whole sordid story about why she’s doing it, or how much I wish Scoote* B*aun would get hit by a car, but it’s a whole thing. What I will say is that in the long run, I am honestly happy that this happened because the re-recordings are flawless. Seriously, I’m just wonderstruck (lmao 😉). I haven’t listened to this record as much as I wanted to before writing this - I’ve listened a few times, but mostly I’ve just been thinking about it. I was b i g excited for this to come out, but I can’t lie, there was some anxiety too - this record is so important to me so it had to be flawless; and I think Taylor nailed it. Anyway, I have waited for this for a long time, and now that it’s finally here I have Some Thoughts.

I went back and forth in my head about how to do this, and I decided the best way would be to nail down exactly which songs I was most nervous or excited about, and then do a broader breakdown of the rest of the album, so here we go: starting with…

Mine

‘She is the best thing that’s ever been mine.’

Taylor always opens her records with one of the strongest tracks on said record, and this one is no different. I adore the original, and the re-recording is incredibly faithful to it. The only differences I noticed in this track versus the original were a few unsubtle moments where the growth and refinement of Taylor’s vocal range in the past thirteen years really shine through. It’s the same song, but new again.

Sparks Fly

‘The way you move is like a full-on rain storm, and I’m a house of cards,’

This song has always been one of my all-time favourites from any artist ever, and this new version is just as intense and moving as the original was back when I first heard it somewhere around 2012. This re-recording gives me chills. I am literally trying not to cry right now as I sit here writing this and relistening to it. Every line in this song is flawless. And oh my god, the strings. During the track, I find it difficult with my audio processing problems to tell if it’s a guitar, a violin, another string instrument, or all of the above, but whatever it is it makes this song so much more powerful.

Speak Now

“She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen,”

‘Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)’ is the first track here where Taylor’s strengthened and refined voice is apparent in almost every lyric. While it’s maybe not one of the biggest or strongest stand-out tracks on the record, but it has a very special place in my heart from when the original record made its indelible mark on me. Not a lot is different here, besides the sound of Taylor’s voice, and I think that’s okay.

Mean

“You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation.”

Mean is so much fun, it always has been. The up-tempo of it contrasted against the subject matter has always worked really well for me. The opening is so peppy while she talks about how hard critics had been treating her, and how badly she used to take it when it happened. But I love how the song goes from ‘upset’ to ‘f**k you’ by the end. This re-recording feels really good, too, because the line “some day I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me,” feels like both a prophecy from 2010, and a vindication in 2023 that she was right all along.

Better Than Revenge

“He was a moth to the flame, she was holding the matches.”

This is the one I was most anxious about going into this new version. For one, I really love the original song, despite its one glaringly large problem, but I was also nervous about whether or not she would change the lyric, and if so, to what? The first time I heard the new lyric, I was reading the prologue in the booklet that came with the CD hard copy of the album, and even though I wasn’t super paying attention I noticed it. I skipped back a few seconds to hear it again, and looked up the lyrics in the booklet so I could sing along and get it into my brain. I really like the new lyric a lot, and I expect I am going to think about it a lot in the future, too.

Haunted

“Something keeps me holding onto nothing.”

Haunted has always been a big favourite of mine to just scream-sing along to when I need to release some sadness energy, even the acoustic version is great. This version is… something else. It’s always been something of a rock song, but I feel like Taylor really leaned into that here, and the result is flawless. I sent Castles Crumbling to my sister (not a swiftie) during my first listen to the record, and she liked it so much that she listened to the rest of the album - during her listen, she sent me back this text:

This new version is incredible, and I’m so happy to have it in my life. And I’m stoked that ‘Haunted (Taylor’s Version)’ may have made a Swiftie out of my sister. 😁

Ours

“The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours,”

I love the way Taylor kept the little southern drawl from the original track here. This is the one track on this record that really makes my heart flutter. There’s very little in this track that feels different from the original, but I think that was a really inspired choice because it was honestly practically flawless the first time around. This song also has a really special place in my heart because the original video was the source of one of my favourite reaction gifs to use on social media or in texts (see below!).

Wrapping up… 🎁

The rest of the re-recorded tracks here are gorgeous, and you really can hear the different inflections and tones in Taylor’s voice as she sings these classics from her early career in the studio again. Altogether, I love this release of Speak Now and I really feel like if someone were to ask me which version they should listen to, my answer would be overwhelmingly this one; it truly is the definitive version of the record. It was honestly tough to nail this list down to just seven favourites out of the 22 tracks, even with excluding the From The Vault tracks which I will get to in a second. I’m so happy to have this space to gush about this record, and I really hope you enjoyed reading about my feelings!

From The Vault 🔓

As I said above, I excluded the From The Vault tracks from my list because I simply don’t have a ton to say about them yet. I have only listened to them a handful of times, so expect a follow-up post in a few weeks, once I’ve had more time to sit with them and form Some Opinions. What I will say right now, though, is that the immediate stand-outs for me were Electric Touch, I Can See You, and Castles Crumbling. I’m excited to listen to them a bunch more times. I also wanted to mention the Surprise Announcement video at the end of the album on Apple Music, too. Many hardcore swifties will probably have seen a version of it before elsewhere, but I had not - I have been avoiding any streams from The Eras Tour in hopes that I’ll someday get to see a complete version on Netflix or something - and y’all, this video almost broke me. I so wish I could have been there in person to feel the energy of the crowd!

The End 🔚

Well that’s it from me for this week, friends. Thanks so much for hanging out and indulging me while I am once again back on my Taylor Swift bullshit. If you want to see more writing from me, as I mentioned above you can go back and read about why Speak Now is so special to me, check out other things I've written on Substack, and as always you can check out my Letterboxd movie reviews. I recently reviewed Single White Female (1992) and Poseidon (2006)! Also! Please remember that if you have comments, questions, suggestions, or just want to say hi, please hit me up in the comments or at any of the socials in the links below.

Stay safe out there y’all and have a great week. You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine! Ka kite anō au i a koe. 💚

Rebecca

| Twitter | Mastodon | Bluesky | Cohost | Substack | itch.io | Letterboxd | Instagram | Carrd | Email |

[cha1cedony]

Okay fine I’ll do one of these (because I like to talk about myself hehehe). Thanks @roboobin for tagging me B)

A very long ‘get to know me’ post below…

Last song: Apparently it was ‘Two Time’ - Jack Stauber, according to Spotify? I’ve also been relistening to a few tracks from Falsettos all day, for some reason. ‘I’m Breaking Down’ got stuck in my head somehow. I’m not super big on musical theater, but I LOOOOVE Falsettos and especially Trina :) You can probably tell I have a certain type of favorite characters/media lol.

Favorite color: Light greyish blue (or white, grey, silver, orrrr light greyish green?)

Last movie: I actually have no idea. Maybe Nimona with my IRLs a few months ago? I almost NEVER watch movies in full because I get bored of them easily. Sorry I know that’s so lame lololol

Currently watching: A commentary YouTube video to use as background noise while I do my writing assignments lol. Like I said, I don’t really watch a lot of movies or TV :/

Currently reading: Nothing, unfortunately! I haven’t read any books/stories in an embarrassingly long time :( I am so ridiculously busy and haven’t had the time/motivation to read and get invested in new characters. I have a bunch of series I want to reread for nostalgia purposes, though. I’m also strangely tempted to read the Animorphs series? LOL. I looked it up on AO3 for the first time a few months ago while in the kids’ section of the library with my IRLS and we were assessing the popularity of kids’ books based on the amount of AO3/Wattpad fics (btw, there are a shockingly low amount of Geronimo Stilton fics in the world). I wasn’t expecting there to be an Animorphs fandom, but there IS? And the fics are really GOOD even though I don’t know the source material? Anyway. Tempted to read it because I like putting teens in situations /lh. Also I want to read more short stories! Send me recommendations, if you have any.

Last thing I googled: This is so embarrassing. ‘Bathroom cruising’ LMAOOOO. I was just writing a funny bit, but I wanted to make sure it was accurate, okay? T_T Other recent searches include my voice lesson Lieder, various areas I’ve felt pain recently (because I’m a hypochondriac /lh), and a vlog I had to watch for my job… I was writing an article about it.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Savory. Every time. I love savory foods, and they’re basically the only types of food I ever crave. Then I would go with spicy, but only if it’s spicy in a flavorful way (and not just a painful way). I don’t like sweet foods except for chocolate—and, even then, I am infamous among my friends and acquaintances for only liking SUPER dark chocolate… like 70% cocoa or more. I would say my favorite flavor profile is bitter! :)

Current obsession: I think y’all already know :^) I am incapable of having more than one strong interest at once, soooo DnDads has quite literally been occupying my brain since liiiike October 2022… almost a year ago now! o_o Holy shit. I’ve been really busy with work and school in the past month or so, so I haven’t done basically anything else in my free time. I’d like to start cross stitching again because I have some projects to finish, and I got some of my late grandmother’s jewelry-making supplies recently, so I’ll toy around with that, too.

Currently working on: Like, right this second? Discussion post replies for my Writing in Digital Environments course :p In general? As far as hobbies go, the beginnings of my next longfic chapter! As far as work goes, I’m working on article about a mural. I have to drive like 30 mins to get a features image for it tomorrow ugh. At least I get to kill time on the clock :’)

I don’t want to tag anyone in particular, but, obviously, if you want to do this, you can just say I tagged you. Shhh I won’t tell ;) hehehe

[iantimony]

accidentally back to tuesdaypost

despite my best efforts, shabbat came and went and i did not make my post. oops. trying a new heading template this week as well.

maybe not this week but i am thinking of starting to host images for the making section somewhere else...maybe on gdrive? or postimages.org? imgur? just so that if my tumblr ever breaks the images in dreamwidth won't vanish.

listening

partizan! halfway through episode 12 right now, which means, according to where i was last week-ish, i am averaging about one episode a day LOL. extreme sport FatT speedrunning. also relistening to all is as all should be recently, just scratches a brain itch for some reason. it's very brain-worm-able to me, i've been humming songs from it all week.

reading i was going to say fallow and then went. hooold on. i've been reading SO many things just not, like, books.

wikipedia articles of the week: Naomi Shihab Nye, Rachel's Tomb, Matzevah, Alexandre Cabanel, Abd el-Ouahed ben Messaoud, Leo Africanus

because it's november and i'm nostalgic for nanowrimo (and considering doing it again once i'm done with classes and therefore homework), i went and reread some of my nano from when i was in high school and WOW. nostalgia!!! some of it is very very bad, unsurprisingly, it was almost 10 years ago, but some of it is actually quite good. very fond of the comments left by a friend on it that were preserved when i downloaded the google doc a billion years ago to save on my external drive, including one that said "your prose is crisp like an autumn apple" or some fucking thing like that. truly delightful. i'd also somehow forgotten that i'd actually hit the word goal? the document is about 60k words give or take, the story was not finished though which is probably why i misremembered. i should start writing again.

in my quest to populate my inoreader with blogs and other such things i've been delving into my bookmarks and re-found this delightful site, their most recent article is just the world's most specific niche horn memes it's so funny. like this is absolutely meaningless to literally everyone else that it passes back into absurdity and probably funny to non-horn players again. i am VERY excited to peruse their pdf library though.

playing pokegoooooo. i am visiting my grandma and going on long night walks around the old people development with pokego is very elite. i am a little nervous that someone will call security on me though because i frequently just stop (often like...in front of people's apartment buildings....) and stand still to catch pokemon if a bunch have spawned in one location...

watching i have not watched it yet but i am VERY excited to start season 2 of the tgcf donghua!!

watched kurtis connor's "deep dive into potterheads" and literally cheered out loud at the end when he mentioned the snapewives. that made me want to watch strange aeons so i also watched her video on msscribe and snapewives.

i wasn't On Livejournal or active in fandom while everything was going down but i remember learning about it a few years after it all happened so seeing comprehensive deep dives now is very, very...satisfying isn't quite the right word, but i am a messy bitch who lives for drama especially when i'm not involved in it. what a mess.

making pottery!!! i have a bunch of stuff coming out from a glaze run that i'm very excited to see but it will have to wait til saturday when i get home from visiting my grandma for thanksgiving. i do however have pictures of this little box i made:

it was a gift for my grandma, and i glazed it all the way back in the beginning of october i think? the kilns got monopolized by some other stuff for the owner's business (which is super fair) which means we didn't get a student project run until literally friday, two days before i was supposed to leave town, so after some texting with her she was able to put it out on her porch around 11pm on saturday when the kiln cooled down enough so i was able to pick it up at like 5:30am on my drive to the airport LOL so all in all it worked out! next roundup post will have pictures of some of my other glazed pieces, i'm very very curious how they do!!!

i've been playing with underglaze because i was like ohhhh i love the look of carving designs into underglaze...and i bought some fun colors when i went to The City a few weekends ago...so i have this mug that needs its first fire, i also have some fun eye-motif ones in the works at the moment! i also added some underglaze color to my dragon carving from last week.

finally this bowl already had its first fire but i painted underglaze on over white to try and get a watercolor-type effect? i put lilypads on the inside and painted koi on the outside (no picture of that yet)

misc not a whole lot else! since my summertime trials and tribulations i have unfortunately become the kind of person who gets tummy issues when my stress levels get too high. i have always become a basket case in the ~24 hours before i have to travel somewhere so that's been less than fun but i'm figuring it out. also trying to switch psychiatrists right now is sooooo fucking aggravating i will not get into it but ughhhhhh.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 126 - Sculptor's Tool

Then Rosa made an off-colour joke about life drawing and getting – hands-on, and I forgot about it, but I still ended up going to the class. - Statement of Debra Madaki

I kinda like Rosa. I know nothing about Rosa, except she makes low-brow puns, but I kinda like Rosa.

Now, I’m not one to judge on appearances; I was the one who insisted Desmond still come to church after his operation

So, the statement giver is clearly one of those people who don't notice that they come across as giant fuck-off arseholes specifically when they explain how they're totally not giant fuck-off arseholes. Why, dearest Debra, the FUCK, are you acting like - erm - gracefully "allowing" someone to remain in the community even though they have - gasp - unseemly surgical scars shows how UNjudgmental you are.

It sort of – almost started out like a fish. But it just kept going and going, looping back and into itself, as if it was swimming through its own body. After a half hour, I had almost completely forgotten my own work, instead just staring at this serpentine structure that the dreadful man was building.

This may be the description in MAG that comes closest to making me feel how mesmerising the Spiral can be. Yeah, I'd be staring and forgetting my own work, too!

I know, it was an amateur class, and he was under no obligation to do exactly the work as instructed, but Ray was very clear with the rest of us that we were doing things in a specific order for a reason, and it was just a bit frustrating to see him nodding along to that awful man flagrantly disregarding what we were meant to be doing.

Okay, it's a bad sign when you're in a room with a being who literally feeds off people's fears and you come across as the worse person. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, DEBRA!

It made a noise that sounded like a scream heard through water and stretched out towards my mouth, which I’ll admit was hanging open in horror. If I hadn’t screamed and fallen backwards, I am sure the thing would have dived down my throat.

Oh yikes. There are some things you really don't want to accidentally swallow. Flies. Spiders. Creations of pure terror.

I was obviously taken aback at what had to be a really significant scheduling issue, but having a quick check of the timetable of classes, it looked very much like sculpting had always been on a Thursday, which didn’t make much sense to me, standing there in my dancing shoes and feeling like a fool.

Okay, I know this is a silly thing to focus on, but I feel that being told "No, you're wrong about your schedule, this has always been this way" would be genuinely fucking unsettling, especially when you're a very well-organised person, like Debra seems to be, and definitely wouldn't just randomly forget what day of the week a class was on. Like, I think I may have genuinely had nightmares with similar themes.

There was no sign of Mary. They still haven’t found her.

This is one of those "few words to reveal a deeper, surprising horror" moments that I love so much.

He coughed gently, and, well, I suppose it would have been rude not to look.

This is a very relatable thought process! So is Debra's later thing about "I would've run but that seemed rude." The number of times I've stayed in uncomfortable and occasionally genuinely frightening situations because I didn't want to come across as rude...

A door. “Perfect!” Gabriel told me. “It looks just like him!” I asked him if it was supposed to be a face and he told me yes. It was a good friend of his. I asked him who and he said they didn’t have a name. I told him everyone has a name, and he said his friend wasn’t like us, that having a name would only confuse them.

Okay, I'm aware we're talking about horrors beyond human comprehension here, but ... the Distortion has a friend! And that friend makes art for them! How sweet!

I got a letter, a week ago. It was from Gabriel. It said that he had found a new job, and he’d love it if I came up to assist him again. He’s working in a place called Sannikov Land. I looked it up. It doesn’t exist. And it sounds cold. I don’t think I should go. I’m not going to go.

Okay, I know it's revealed that in the end she DIDN'T go to Sannikov Land but my first reaction to this was definitely "Oh, she is SO going to go".

A Great Twisting, that Gertrude stopped at the cost of a single life. Hm... I thought moving away from my humanity would have made that seem more acceptable. That sort of sacrifice… But it just makes me sad. I remembered Gertrude’s notebook. We found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… saving the world at the cost of two lives - Jon

... damn. Jon seriously needs a hug. He's genuinely TRYING to be a good person, he's just not getting a lot of choice in the matter.

I don’t know, however, whether that was because she decided not to… or because shortly after this statement was given, they found the body of one Mary Randall in her basement, and she has spent the last nine years in Eastwood Park prison, where she remains to this day.

Now this was a genuinely surprising twist! Gave me shivers.

Martin: Really? I mean, it’s just admin. I-it’s not exactly thrilling listening.

I kind of love that Martin actually talks to the tape recorders as if they were human beings. It's cute. I mean, it's also a sign he really needs someone to fucking talk to because he is incredibly isolated thanks to Peter Fucking Lukas but hey, it's still kinda cute.

Martin: When all this is over, I’m telling him everything, with or without your permission. Peter Lukas: Martin, when it’s over, you won’t want to.

God, I want to punch Peter Lukas in his smug, condescending face so badly sometimes.

My impression of this episode

This isn't one of those episodes that stuck with me after listening, but the statement actually is delightfully unsettling and really well-written. It's actually one of the better statements for presenting the Spiral in its full glory, I think. And then that's immediately followed by a strong segment of Jon brooding subtly about morality and an even stronger segment of Peter and Martin being a) cryptic and b) infuriating that just left me going "I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. ALSO I WANT TO KICK PETER LUKAS'S ASS." I'm ... rather protective of Martin.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[alfvaen]

Okay, so I have literally never posted on tumblr before (well, one post on a different blog but it’s all abandoned now so whatever); I’ve been using it to read but I still never really got the hang of it so whatever.  But I am a sucker for certain types of memes, and what somebody called an Ask Box Game, seen chez @lianabrooks and unspecifically tagged.  So let me actually my personality a bit.

Favourite colour: Purple, I guess. It doesn’t define my identity that much, and it’s not like I can ever find clothes in this colour, but yeah, purple.

Last song / album: Ha. So I am nearly constantly listening to music and almost as constantly buying music, so it depends what you mean.  Last song I listened to was part of my chronological relisten (currently I am up to 1987), “Cool Love (Cooler Remix)” by Alta Moda.  Last full album I listened to was “Haven’t Got The Blues (Yet)” by Loudon Wainwright III (2014), which I just bought a few days ago.  But the most recent album I bought looks like it was “Cosmic Wheels” by Donovan off of eMusic, I haven’t processed it yet so it’s not in my library.

Last movie: “The Prestige”, which I watched on Disney+ on Sunday night (while my wife is out of town).  I’d never seen it before, but I knew a few things about it, including one of the major spoilers.  It was pretty good.

Currently Reading: Yesterday I finished a reread of “With A Tangled Skein” by Piers Anthony (I haven’t reread that series in, like, decades, and I’m not sure how it’s holding up now), also finished Alison Bechdel’s “The Essential Dykes To Watch Out For” (from the library; I’d only heard of the Bechdel Test, I had no idea she had a long-running comic.  As an allocishet guy I found it really interesting, though in the W Bush years it seemed to get a little strident--perfectly understandable but not as fun to read).  I’m also reading some comics on Marvel Unlimited, going past where I stopped in my teen years; I’m up to December 1991, just finished the original Infinity Gauntlet series.  And today I’ll be starting a read of “Wool” by Hugh Howey, which I downloaded as a free ebook at some point.  (ETA: Oh, yeah, and I had started Ed Yong’s “I Contain Multitudes”, a nonfiction book about bacteria, before I got library books a while ago, so now I’ll be getting back to it.)

Currently Watching: A few weeks ago my eldest son was craving a rewatch of the “Planet Earth” documentary series, so he got it from the library.  I was only really interested in a couple of the episodes, and last night I joined all three kids for the Deep Ocean episode.  (I am fascinated by ocean creatures though in general I find the ocean extremely disturbing and if I ever fell into it I would probably die.)  Meanwhile I have been cycling through a number of shows, a few episodes/one disc at a time, and am currently rewatching the first disc of Season Two of “Friends”.

Currently Craving: I’ve been playing a Europa Universalis IV game with the Extended Timeline mod (so you start back in like 48 AD instead of the 1400s), where, as my wont, I cheat to give myself free money and rapid technological advancement and see how it takes to colonize/conquer the world.  This time I started as the Visayan Empire in the Philippines and just entered the 9th century; I have conquered Asia up to about the middle of India, have discovered cannons, have pretty much explored the entirety of the world’s oceans and coastlines, and am just starting to colonize Africa; haven’t actually started on the Americas yet.  So what I am craving is: playing more of that.  Instead I have to work today.

Coffee or Tea: Tea.  I rarely bother to make it for myself, but I will drink it; I never drink coffee.

TAGGING: I don’t know that anyone who’s not a sexbot is following me, so if you see this consider yourself tagged.

[sfjn]

a blog post lmao it’s year of our lord 2020 and i’m returning to longform semi autobio blog posts on a few different platforms just to share a bit of myself

i keep talking too much and sharing too much. feeling too much, thinking too much. texting too much, laughing too much, crying too much. loving too much. it’s been a really, really long two weeks. but the most beautiful thing about the past fortnight is that all my too muches feel just fine. i feel slightly embarrassed by them, but it’s like the embarrassment of a sibling or a motherly kiss. i brush it off and keep moving. i keep sharing, remembering things. 

i was already on this path, the upwards movement. from the week that i told my therapist i wanted to be bad, but in a helpful way. in a “such a mess together!” way. but i never expected where i would go with it. which is literally to the future.

it’s just kind of nice to think that i have the power to love without expecting anything in return. i can love someone and not fear rejection. i can open up about the privacy of the human heart. and i have the entire rest of my life to practice that. all because two weeks ago i realized what work was mine to do. i saw the signs and listened.

i used to walk around listening to negative songs and use them to hold my pain in place like a band aid. it felt like i was listening to them alone in a vacuum, hurting myself. my most hurtful songs, i refused to share with others. holding a sword in my side, because pulling it out would kill me. i didn’t want to physically hurt myself, but i also didn’t want to stop. to stop would be to give up, or accept the inner narrative i was writing.

it’s two weeks since i started relistening to love songs. it is funny how art changes when you are gone. june 2020 really said gay rights, but also they specifically said rights for the outsider gays, the ones who question even their space within the space. it’s probably because of the pandemic, or the revolution, or both, but it felt different this time.

tonight is two weeks since the evening i couldn’t sleep for fear of messing things up. since i danced across an ocean in a heartbeat. three since i made a masterpiece for my best friend, and since i found a new home. i actually signed the lease on the new home the weekend before it all went haywire. four weeks since i found confidence in a blog post, of all places. a blog post from 2014, of all years. i realized i could simply listen to my little beloved, and i could reread old messages and know they still held true. 

five weeks since i realized that it was me who had to use my power, to bring everyone along with me, yet somehow also release my control, meditatively, quietly, easily, silently. the afternoon i listened to a britney song about clowning and longboarded hard until i wiped out. six weeks since i collapsed in a mess in the middle of the work day because i thought that feeling bad might be a good time to do bad things, without actually abusing substances or fucking someone or passing out miserable focused on fictional things. a planned supernova. six since i let my family see how sick i really am, and they still let me leave. 

i started talking about rainbows with my family, what they symbolize for me. you’d think this was a way to talk about being gay, but it’s not for me. rainbows are a sign of the storm’s beauty. sexuality is different for different people. and sexuality has never been a beautiful thing to me. not even gender has been beautiful. it’s always been something i had to learn to perform in order to do something for others. performing and never letting on how raw it all was to me. as i think most people do at age 13 but i just continued to feel wrong, forever. i always just wanted my rainbows to be rainbows.

there was one afternoon in May where i was trying to calm my mind, and i realized that i liked watering plants, even if they’re not mine. the sun felt so hot, and the plants in my parents’ front yard looked so dry. i made a rainbow out of hose water, and stood there staring at it, wiping the rainbow back and forth. i expected the moment to die, like all others, and to go back inside to lie down. i recorded the rainbow for a moment, anyway, because i was saving up videos for my friend’s birthday gift. i had been asking my dad for advice, after a bike ride we took together. “how do i stop being anxious,” i think was the general question.

my dad came to the screen door and looked at the rainbow as i stood there, swiping the hose back and forth to keep the rainbow moving. the sun was perfect and i didn’t want to go inside the house. i liked that he was looking at it, too. (my dad lies down often, too. he’s very tired. that is what 45 years of dead end jobs does to you, especially when you think you’ll never be able to retire.)

 “do you know why rainbows appear in water?” i asked him, looking steadily at the colors.

i could not see his face in the shadow of the tiny porch. “you can see it too?” he asked. “i thought i was the only one. because of the screen door.”

“no, i can see it too. it’s because light separates in the prism of the water,” i told him. he just listened to me. “light is all colors when it comes from the sun, and when it hits the water it separates into the colors because all the colors are already in it. grass is green because the light bounces off it. the sunset turns those colors because the light bends funky.”

“i didn’t know that,” he said, or something like that. this is all totally true, tho i’m fictionalizing the dialogue. this entire blog post happened to me. i am loving with my whole heart. i am saving us from our sorrow.

i turned and started spraying our rhododendron with the hose. i had been fascinated with these trees for the entire length of my May stay with my family, because i’d realized they dotted the entire town. huge, pink blossoms, all free to look at. i had never noticed them before. never really walked around the neighborhood that much. the pandemic has been doing that kind of thing. the prettiest ones where the ones i saw at dawn. the pink just faded.

i joyfully videotaped the beautiful droplets of water falling out of the tree for a few minutes. i forgot everything. this all was later set to music. my father then realized that i was spraying the rhododendron home of a little robin we knew. a mother that we had spotted keeping eggs warm in the branches. he yelled at me to stop, but the yelling was almost like laughter. i turned the hose off.

as if a bit of rain could kill a bird.

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

omg they were quarantined q&a

Thanks for tagging me @sharkmartini @pipsqueakparker @parijpg @vkelleyart @sbazzing 💜

Are you staying home from work/school?

No, my job is an “essential” one, so. Here I am. Traffic has been great, though.

If you’re staying at home, who is there with you?

N/A, though I told my boss the other day that if we do end up working from home (somehow; it’s complicated) I’ll be too distracted by all the fluffy creatures who live here to get much of anything done.

Are you a homebody?

Yeah, so this whole thing hasn’t actually affected my day-to-day life much at all tbh. One of my old coworkers sent me this the other day & I was like...yep that’s accurate LMAO

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

My cousin had her wedding reception scheduled for April, so that was cancelled, unfortunately. Otherwise we are boring here.

What movies have you watched recently?

The Thing About Harry. It’s the one with the Dev-y character on Hulu.

What shows are you watching?

Y’all I literally spend all my free time trying to write, though I did binge-watch The Outsider on HBO two weekends ago. And yesterday Mr HH asked me if I’d be interested in watching Castlevania.

Him: It’s basically like that Hellfire song from Hunchback of Norte Dame.

Me: So just incredibly horny the whole time.

Him: ...Well I guess it isn’t exactly like that song BUT it’s like...dark. And Gothic. And something always seems to be on fire.

Thoughts on Castlevania y’all? Should I watch it with him?

What music are you listening to?

Literally just music that gives me BTL vibes. Or specific character vibes. Because I really want this chapter to be done lmao.

BTL playlist on Spotify

BTL 2 playlist on Spotify

There’s also a few songs where the lyrics don’t exactly work but the general vibes sort of do?, so I’ve not added them to the playlists. This one specifically has given me some good good DeNiall vibes. But usually if I find a new song I like I’ll play it on repeat to death until I hate myself. And on & on it goes lmao. Also I’ve been listening to a cover of You’re So Vain specifically because of this.

What are you reading?

I’m super bad at keeping up with things (like, there are fics I want to read/start to read & then I fall behind, RIP), & the majority of my free time goes to writing/staring at my screen hoping that words will come out. So mostly I’ve been rereading my own shit as I write it? Also the main way I consume books is via audio, but I can’t focus on anything I’ve started lately. Might just...relisten to CO/WS. Am also considering getting the audio for Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell since @ninemagicks mentioned that book yesterday. 👀 OH I AM ALSO betaing a new DeNiall fic by @f-ing-ruthless-baz & enjoying the heck out of that. It’s set in the same AU as Mine Right Now, which is very exciting.

What are you doing for self-care?

Mr HH made me do some exercises this morning & I literally gave him the stink eye the whole time & told him I hated him even though I know it’s good for me, sigh. Honestly the whole DeNiall detour last week was self care, lmao. I’m also trying to make sure I get good food in. Cuddling with my 4-legged kids. Imagining Niall drunk karaoke-ing to You’re So Vain. I’ll probably go for a little walk here in a bit to try & get the juices flowing. I should really try & clean my home—that whole...outer calm, inner peace thing—but I won’t.

IDK who all has done this at this point! I’ll tag a few friends. @warriorbeeofthesea @f-ing-ruthless-baz @krisrix @sourcherrymagiks @annabellelux

[untemperedwolf]

3, 4, 7, 14, 19 and 22! (or if this is too much just pick three or four of those!)

Soooorry this took ages, I got super distracted answering it!!! But here!!!!

3. Favourite musical artist/group you started listening to this year?

I started listening to a lot of artists this year, and also began relistening to artists I used to listen to again, so this is actually quite hard to answer, especially because I was determined to narrow it down to one. And so far I think I've narrowed it down to three, but then I'm convinced that I'm forgetting about another artist I really enjoyed who I discovered this year so I'm like continuing to try and think. But I'll just go with who I remember, and try to keep it with just three of the many: so, my favourite artists I discovered this year is Sasha Sloan, Alec Benjamin and Mabel!!

4. Movie of the year?

This is actually something that's distracted me quite a bit because I've gone back and looked through all the movies I've watched this year. And I was literally wracking my brain to think because in may or April I literally just sat and watched loads of random movies, so I was finding it hard.

BUT then I remembered, although it seems so long ago, X Men dark phoenix came out this year and That has gotta be 100% my favourite movie of this year. So this was actually a lot simpler than I thought it was lol!

7. Favourite actor of the year?

You know, usually this is quite a simple question for me, because for quite a few years it's just been Billie Piper. But this year I can't actually say I devoted much time to rewatching anything she was in, (bc depression) so I'm really stuck.

I mean honestly, I'll probably say anyone who voiced the companions in any of the eight audios I've listened to this year, any of gallifrey ot3 actors, or Paul McGann. Because that's primarily where my mind was at this year.

14. Favourite book of the year?

Okay so this year I've actually read a Lot of books, the most books I've read for quite a few years!!! So this is kinda hard to choose between all of them, but also not that hard!

So my favourite book this year was actually a series, and it was the Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater! Because I read that earlier in the year and literally fell in love with it. (So much that I literally had to buy the last book so I wouldn't have to wait to finish the series, because I had only borrowed out the first three from the library!)

There's a lot more books I want to give honoury mentions too, but I've narrowed it down to just two, overwise we'll be here all day:

1. Silence is Goldfish by Annabel Pitcher, which is a book I Have to mention because one, all of Annabel pitcher's books are amazing and a good read, and two, it deals with mutism and that means I Have to mention it and talk about it because it's so accurate and well done and that's really important to me, someone with selective mutism!

And 2. I have to give an honoury mention to The strange and beautiful sorrows of Ava Lavender because I just finished that book two days ago and I found it really lyrical and beautiful!

19. What're you excited about this next year?

I don't have anything in particular planned for this next year, and I would say doctor who series 12, but depending that's going to happen literally as soon as the new year is here I don't know if I should count that...

Oh!! But I do have plans to dye my hair purple again, so I'm pretty excited for that!!!! Although yet again, I'm aiming to do that early in the year, because I want to do it before I cut my hair and I want to cut my hair before my birthday!!

I am excited for what drawings and art I will create in 2020, though, as my art has been going good recently so I'm hoping 2020 will be a good year for that.

And! Also, I'm excited for maybe finishing something for my OC, (you know who I'm on about haha), and maybe writing more of my own fiction!!!

22. Favourite place you visited this year?

I didn't go anywhere that wasn't where I've usually gone and not anywhere I've never gone before, and I didn't even really visit the parks and the woods nearby this year...so, I don't know.Oh, I did actually walk across this really pretty and idyllic field that's quite close to me so I'll just say there!

Thank you for asking!! 💖

[veryotl]

You missed your usual reacting to the highlight reel post... Are you going to be reacting to the album this time?

I MEAN HECK THE ALBUM CAME OUT LITERALLY A MONTH AGO AND THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX SINCE THEN AND I STILL HAVEN’T DONE MY ALBUM REACTION GHJKL; 

Anyway like... I have the day off and for once I’m not insanely busy or seriously sick so... HECK LET’S DO AN ALBUM REACTION FINALLY 

Track 1 - Good To Me

Actually, when I heard this track on the highlight medley, the first thing that stuck out to me was the “woah”s in the chorus,  but listening to the song, my actual favorite part is the pre-chorus. I’ve always loved Seungkwan’s prechoruses and DK’s bridges because they usually come right after the non-melodic rap part and just like, suddenly flow into this beautiful vocal section. Another thing I appreciate is that I don’t feel like Seventeen has ever done this concept as a full group. It’s got the attitude of a hiphop unit song and more or less the general fullness of a perf unit song, but somehow it blends super seamlessly into Seventeen’s general concept and each of the members fully live up to the potential. Normally here I’d say “I’m looking forward to seeing the dance” but I don’t actually have to look forward cause I waited so long to write this out, and just let me say that the dance is great. I love how the dance could’ve been a lot more simplistic but instead they chose to go all in on the choreo, but it’s still not cluttered in the end. It’s not my absolute favorite dance, but it’s definitely A Good Dance.

Track 2 - Home

Hoo boy do I have a lot to say about our title track this time. Stylistically, it reminds me of Without You, which I was actually pretty disappointed in. But Home absolutely doesn’t disappoint. It kind of mixes the emotion of Without You with the sincerity of Thanks and it works super well for the concept. Another thing I feel like they pulled well is the Imogen-Heap-style voice synth on the prechorus, and especially choosing Hoshi-The8-Dino for the first verse lead up. Hoshi and Dino both used voice synth in Still Lonely and a few of the perf unit tracks and it almost always works great for them, but this one especially. Originally, Imogen Heap used it for a lot of songs where there’s minimal backing track, most notably Hide-and-Seek which has No Instrumentals. Seventeen uses it to the same effect, with only a beat going and an occasional piano. It makes it sound so full but so empty at the same time and it’s absolutely perfect for the mood. Another note is that during a good amount of the song there’s this pulsing synth that comes and goes. It starts the song underneath the percussion and actually continues until the prechorus at varying levels of volume until it drops out suddenly (emphasizing the lack of melody in the voice synth prechorus!!) and it doesn’t show up again until the middle of the chorus where we hear a very filtered version, once more fading in and out behind the vocals. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, for the drop, it becomes clear (maybe on a different synth? I’m not sure) that isn’t pulsing and the most important melody line in the chorus drop. It’s this like... melodic thread that runs through the song. At first it sounds sort of like it’s out of place and not following the same beat as the song, but then as the song goes on it becomes more and more familiar. The absence of this synth also emphasizes important parts, like the lead up to the chorus and it gives the song this really longing feeling. I also want to note that a lot of people have said the song feels really short and almost unresolved, like you want to listen to it over and over because it never feels like the song ends, it just hangs. I agree and I love that. The last note echoes and pulses and fades but it just suddenly feels... really empty and I think that enhances the concept. I really love Home and the general vibe it has. Also! I wasn’t gonna mention this but I have to give a shout out for Seventeen still using Animal-crossing-esque melodies on synths in both Home and Good To Me. They did it previously on Monday to Saturday and it always amused me. Anyway.

Track 3 - Hug  

Your local Ballad Anti is here once again to say... I don’t really have a lot to say on Hug. The lyrics are super sweet, of course. I’m a little sad it never builds instrumental-wise, but it really is supposed to be this minimalistic ballad. I’m not really sure what else to comment on besides the lyrics, and there’s not even that many lyrics. It’s not Vocal Unit’s best ballad, but it’s definitely not horrible? It’s sweet and sad but it’s just not much I can talk about.

Track 4 - Chilli

Okay it’s about to get weird because y’all. I LOVE Chilli. I’ve only seen lukewarm comments about it so far, and that makes me sad, but I kind of get it. From the point of view of a hiphop unit stan it might feel like a weird style, and from the point of view of a total SVT stan it might seem silly. But here’s the thing - I have always thought of Lo-Fi Hip Hop as a winter genre. Something about the instrumentals and tones common in the Low-Fi genre just reminds me of a grey January morning where it’s freezing outside and you hunker down on your couch with a blanket and a cocoa and just keep yourself occupied, and when I first heard the teaser I was preparing myself to be sad when they let me down by not making the lyrics Winter-Centric but Y’ALL THEY DID THAT I finally have my gloomy winter low-fi jam and I’m just... I’m just so happy that someone took advantage of this association. It’s a little bit silly but I feel like Hip Hop Unit has always kind of had this playful vibe to them for some of their album tracks and I’m glad they don’t always take themselves so seriously that it restricts their style.

Track 5 - Shh

Okay here’s where I get critical again. I had a really hard time liking shh when I first heard it cause it starts with this really funky bassline way in the back of the mix and I was so looking forward to them bringing it up in the mix and making the chorus just like, all super funky basswork and then it just kind of disappeared and it never came back. It just made me super disappointed that the bass never became a super important part of the song,. At some point someone mentioned that it sounded like a Taemin song and I relistened to it and that helped me be able to separate it in my mind from the song I had hoped it would be and now it’s not so disappointing anymore. It’s definitely an interesting style for Performance Unit and I think they do it well. It’s not as Overwhelmingly Awesome as Swimming Fool or Lilili Yabbay in my mind, but I can solidly say now I do like the song. BUT NEXT TIME I BETTER HEAR SOME FUNKY BASS IF THEY’RE GONNA COMMIT TO A FUNKY SONG.

Track 6 - Getting Closer

Y’all know me. I’ve been here since day 1. Technically. like, day 3. But the point remains that I have seen many a “Dark Seventeen” concept teaser and rumor come and go with no fruit. And while it may not be my favorite song, this song ticks off a lot of boxes from the old “if Seventeen ever actually tries a dark concept here’s what it should sound like”. Sometimes I look back at where Dark Seventeen came from and get emo about how far we’ve come. On the actual song, though, not just the concept, there are a lot of things I like about it. For starters, beginning the song with Mingyu is a really good move. The “deo deo deo” fits his vocal tone as well as just being generally great, and then following it right up with Wonwoo is fantastic. Hoshi and Dino are always a great combo, and the first verse chorus leadup is a perfect example. Jun’s “boom boom boom boom” is my life, and Woozi’s first chorus line is everything to me. Jun and Joshua’s low, melodic start to the second verse adds a really good level of quiet intensity to the song and I love that, and then Woozi and The8′s higher tones parallel Hoshi and Dino’s leadup for the second chorus, and UGH I just love a lot about this song. And the bridge with the almost... guns cocking for the percussion while Seungkwan kills those vocals is also just, great. Some disappointing things are the song isn’t terribly melodic, the MV camera work isn’t great, and it doesn’t have the impact of a title track. Again, I don’t feel like this is my favorite Seventeen song, and it’s not even my favorite dark Seventeen Concept (shout out to Bring It) but it’s also something I’ve waited for a long time and I don’t feel Seventeen let me down. I love to see my boys try new things and explore all facets of themselves. I also love to see unexpected members doing great, like Dino and Jun and The8 killing the concept. In general, not at all a disappointment. 

So in conclusion, did I like the album? Yes. Did I put off making this post for an entire month just to have it turn out to basically say “good job”? Again, yes. But I feel like my boys really did a good job with this album and I’m kind of excited to see what comes next because after the last album, this album feels like a logical next step and a continuation of what they were going for, so I’m interested to see if it continues that way or if next album is something new and unexpected!

[januarium]

Podcasts and Me

I love podcasts, I started listening to them in 2006 and have consistently listened to lots since, but only non-fictional ones. (I just remembered I listened to one fictional one for a little while a fucking long time ago but I didn’t keep it up, that is seriously the only one). I basically don’t do audio books that aren’t memoirs of comics. I really struggle with paying attention to a narrative without a visual, but with my current The Adventure Zone binge I have definitely discovered I can do it if I do a simple game on my phone or DS at the same time. I’m sure that me getting very into playing Pokemon Moon interacted with listening to lots of TAZ to feed both obsessions.

More under the cut because I just want to get thoughts out to myself? This is really just for me, though if you want to know how I’m constantly analysing crap feel free to read :p. TAZ is the jumping off point for the form these thoughts have taken, and I talk about how I’ve listened to that but this isn’t about that story at all.

I can name so few American podcast I have listened to for more than the odd episode? One (Dear John and Hank) and a bit (if the Bugle counts as a bit) out of my of ongoing ones (I currently listen to about 11 that update regularly). Of ones of the past, The Tin Can Bros one, which has never had that many episodes and I used to listen to some Harry Potter fandom podcasts that were US but that was a literal decade ago. Like, that is It. Obvs there are lots with a few eps I’ve listened to, but I’m an obsessive completionist, so those really don’t count as Podcasts I Listen To to me. 

Pretty much the UK comedy circuit is my podcast pool, and always has been. The only podcasts which are part of “networks” I listen to are British hosted, and it’s only two of them. So much advertising in networked pods lordyyyy. Podcasts are very much a thing I share with A, actually, we got into them together and still listen to many of the same ones. Though he has a couple of US ones he’s listened to for a few years and I didn’t follow him to those, even though I’ve followed him to many others (and vise versa). In August we went to Nottingham for a whole weekend for a podcast liveshow thing.

I’m kind of surprised I even bothered to listen to The Adventure Zone, considering all that? I mean, I often follow the whims of my friends into things but I’ve still never listened to Night Vale which is even more everywhere, y’know? I think I had an intersection of relatively separated people talking about this one which was enough to get me into it.

(Will say that podcasts are defs the form of media where I consume loads of stuff made by white dudes so it totes fits my pattern in that way tho :p)

I usually have a podcast I am listening through the backlog of (newly or relistening) plus the podcasts I listen to that have new ep. I do have a backlog one atm but usually that one’s just before bed, so I added TAZ for travelling and cooking/cleaning. 

Using social media I’ve figured out I started listening on September 8th. I was on ep 12 on September 23rd. I listened to ep 20 on September 25th (23rd-25th was a weekend off from mum for me, so not surprising I did a lot of listening). October 2nd I listened to episode 41 for sure, but I’m pretty sure I’d listened to multiple episodes that day before that? And now it’s October 6th and my next is episode 67. So... yeah. In all my years of listening to podcast backlogs I have Never had it get as much as this in terms of not being willing to stop listening. Tho I am sure it’s enhanced this week by having time off which makes a part of my brain go extra “I’m gonna do what I want”.

I have a backlog on my ongoing shows now, too, I haven’t even listened to latest eps of my two faves that always queue jump!

To be honest this sort of makes me feel I should stay about from audio stories because my inability to stop consuming a narrative when it Has Me is dangerous. Like, I know to try and be careful with books and fics because this can happen, but I can read fast so I don’t sink down for more than a day. I’ve done this with video stuff, some, though usually it is the written word that gets me. But I don’t regret it, obvs, it’s been pretty fun doing a whole different type of hyper-focus.

[sol1loqu1st]

for my own personal reference, podcasts im caught up on include:

-ars paradoxica

-taz

-the far meridian

-wolf 359 (FINALLY)

-inkwyrm

-tpp (except i do still need to listen to a few non-juno steel eps, but for the most part im caught up)

-technically, LEARN, but that one doesnt actually start until a few days from now (fuc k yea im a podcast hipster now)

podcasts i actually need to catch up to instead of relistening to any of the above or starting new ones, for fucks sake:

-the bright sessions (started listening recently and then got distracted by literally everything else)

-adventures of mechabetty (like wolf 359, i have been trying to catch up to this one for a year. unlike wolf 359, theres not that many f u c k i n g episodes and i have 0 excuse esp. seeing as i have like 3 episodes to go)

-godsfall (this is another one that ive failed to catch up on despite starting it months ago)

-the strange case of starship iris (again. what the fuck @me theres like 5 episodes just sit down and l i s t e n)

-wtnv (lbr im literally never gonna be caught up on this)

im prioritizing mechabetty and starship iris bc those will take the least amt of time to catch up to

(i think by the time im caught up to the bright sessions (godsfall and wtnv will probably take a lot longer just because the amt of content in both of those is fucking huge) ill prob. start some new ones)

podcasts i have to get off my lazy ass and find some people to help me create:

-sunless