#literally in the rain listening to Adele right now

[gonnabreakhisheart]

what I thought Saltburn was going to be about: the tragedy of Felix and Oliver's almost romance

what I realized the true tragedy of Saltburn was after seeing it: Oliver and Farleigh's almost romance

[norrisreads]

set fire to the rain, part one #PG10

PAIRING: pierre gasly x reader! , Charles LecLerc x reader!platonic

SUMMARY: your first love is hard to forget because it leaves an 'imprint' on the sensory areas of your brain

WARNINGS: angst, will continue a part 2 soon! Listen to the song as a background music to get the feels of it!

FC: roses_are_rosie

sometimes i wake up by the door, that heart you caught, must be waiting for you

There’s a saying that goes, “your first love is hard to forget because it leaves an 'imprint' on the sensory areas of your brain” and you’ve never believed it until you’ve experienced it.

you dated a man, that would do anything for you, that would suprise you breakfast in bed, made you feel like you’ve strike a lottery every single day, made you feel like your next could never beat this man.

But, the world is cruel because a few years later you’ve lost this man to someone who’s much worth than you are.

Even now, when we’re already over, i can’t help myself from looking for you

You’ve met through a mutual friend, some one who’s still close to you.

“I promise you y/n, you’ll like him! who knows you’re gonna finally fall in love and be in a long term relationship?” Charles was convincing you to date one of the drivers from the grid.

He was literally following every footsteps you’ve taken, usually you don’t mind his existence but here you are trying to focus on the notes placed in-front of you.

“Charles, if i wanted a relationship i would have been on hundreds and thousands of blind dates, i wouldn’t even be here right now! but im here, studying this” you sounded pissed while pointing to ur thick notes that was placed on top of the cafe table.

“Look, take a breath of fresh air, make yourself look pretty on date nights, do things you’ve never done before y/n! Live your life!” Charles was literally giving you the puppy eyes.

“Charles leclerc, i’m 4 years younger than you and i’ve an important examination that determine my career, but if doing this makes you shut the hell up, fine. Once and if this guy icks me, i’m not listening to you anymore!” You rolled your eyes jokingly, and heard charles pumping the air with a whispered ‘yes’

He snatched your mobile phone that you were holding on, and key-ed in number and letters and showed you the screen.

There on the screen was the name of your first love, pierre gasly.

Pierre Gasly, was a french man who took your breath away upon the first meeting. French wasn’t really the language you’re an expert in, even when your own best friend is monegasque. You’ve learn couple of words from charles but that’s it as both of you tend to mainly converse in english.

The whole date was not awkward at all, which comes to a surprise to you knowingly you’re a huge HUGE introvert with no social skills and from one date, to once in a few weeks dates to weekly dates and to finally being together.

In the first year of being together with pierre, nothing changed, everything was the same feeling as when you’ve met the first time. He would bring you around France whenever you’re on holidays, introducing you to his family and friends. What hits the spots is when he would bring you to places that he treasured the most.

The second year was when you’ve started to notice small changes, it started from him missing your weekly dates, not answering your calls with the excuse of him being too busy. You didn’t mind it at all, knowing you’re working while studying, your time for him wasn’t that much too, your routine while he was on season would be campus, work and sleep.

Whenever its off season, you’ll have routines where pierre and you would have picnics by the beach, pottery dates and more, but as days pass by you’ve realised how less time he has for you.

You knew something was wrong, but for someone who’s too in love, you refused to say anything until Charles spoke to you.

It was just a normal weekend, you’ve not plotted yourself a shift to your part time job, so you’ve decided to settle your school works at your own comfort of home until you heard a bell. You knew it wasn’t pierre and at this point, you had no faith in both you and pierre’s relationship.

“Hey, it’s been long” charles came in the house and hugged you.

“Yeah, sorry man, i’ve just been too busy, i’ve got to keep getting good grades for you to finally see me on the grid being a reporter” you smiled and led him to your kitchen, where most of your notes, laptop, books were.

“Sorry for the mess, was kinda in the zone” charles laughed, not minding one bit knowing how focused you are once you’ve start on your work.

“Pierre’s not homed?” Charles ask confusingly

“Pierre’s moved out, it’s only me charles” you refused to talk about pierre even-though you’re still in a relationship with him.

“When did it happened, why hasn’t pierre told me? What happened between you and him, y/n?”

“We lost the spark charles, i know he has his eyes on someone else charles” you knew, you knew how he looked at her whenever she was invited to the driver gatherings, you knew but you refused to believe even-though you knew how much prettier she was than you

“y/n, i’m so sorry. I didn’t know anything, i’ve never expected pierre to have done this, mon cherie. I’ve feel fault knowing I’ve introduced both of you to each other” charles stood in-front of you and engulfed you in a hug which led you to have a breakdown.

“It’s never your fault charles, this is why i’ve told you countless times i’m not interested in the dating zone. I’d rather stay home at weekends facing my bed and tv”

you laughed, but charles knew deep down his best friend was suffering silently, and this was what charles was scared off, losing two of his best-friends and having to choose a side.

“Charles, i know you’re thinking of choosing a side but you don’t have to, pierre and you were friends way before i’ve met you. We can still be friends charles, i do not mind at the fact you’re best mates with my ex charles. If anything, i’m happy that you’re willing to be friends with me, so don’t think too much charles, you’re just gonna overthink your small brain”

both of you laughed, but you were different, for some reason the tears couldn’t stop coming down.

“Did pierre asked for it?” Charles asked, not believing his best mate had just broken the heart of his other best friend.

You shook your head and pointed at yourself, “ i did. I think he had a grasp of the situation and didn’t fight back, but it’s alright. It’s an experience for my first love” you’ve shrugged, while cleaning the mess you’ve made

Both of you have decided to not talk about pierre anymore and continue on both of your days together, with charles making sure you’re going to sleep with peace.

Months passed by, you’ve finally scored your first reporter job on the grid and it was the Monaco GP.

You had Lissie mentoring you and guiding you through everything, you knew Lissie through Lando and you’re glad for this because with out this opportunity you’ve wouldn’t be here as a reporter.

“We’re going to scuderia alphatauri team, y/n do you want me to take over?” Lissie asked you for the second time.

You gave her a smile and shook your head “Lissie it’s fine, i will be okay, i promise you.”

Lissie knew your past with the certain team member of scuderia alphatauri team and safe to say she wasn’t really happy with the personality of his but you’ve assured her that he wasn’t really a bad guy, maybe just a right person wrong timing?

What you didn’t notice was charles and pierre conversing and pierre eyes mainly focusing on you.

“Charles, you’ve never told me y/n would be here?”

carlos came and joined the conversation asking charles about your presence on the grid.

Charles was confused, why would you be here? You had decline the paddock passes he gave to you and so he followed carlos directions and saw you there right in-front of the camera interviewing George Russell and charles heart has never felt so full seeing your dream had been accomplished

Charles ignored the conversation with pierre and carlos and walked straight to you and waited for the interview to end to hug you.

“Surprise charles, i’m here, this time being paid!” You hugged back and stepped back

“I am so so proud of you, thanks Lissie for giving her this opportunity!” Charles smiled and thanked Lissie knowing how much the opportunity meant to y/n.

Lissie laughed it off and mumbled a no worries to him.

“Will you be interviewing us? Carlos and I? When will that be?”

“She’s not going to Charles, i’m sorry you’ll be seeing my face instead” Lissie broke off the news to him and laughed

Charles rolled his eyes jokingly, “for once, i thought i could get away from you, Lissie”

While Lissie, Charles and you were conversing, pierre, yuki and carlos made their way to the three of you.

“Hey y/n, long time no see” yuki greeted you

“Oh please, we met last sunday at the japanese restaurant, stop lying yuki!”

You knew the air was intense with charles and Lissie being protective of you around pierre and carlos with yuki having zero ideas of the backstory of both you and pierre parting.

“Hello Pierre, Hello Carlos! Fancy seeing both of you here too” you smiled.

“Well i fancy seeing you here, seeing you with radios and scripts attached to you is something i need to get used to looking at” Carlos touched the radio that was attached to your hip

“I’m proud of you, y/n” the sentence that would’ve broken down y/n if she wasn’t right in-front of her friends

“ oh shut up carlos, watch out for me more often in the future gps, don’t fall for me! and thank you pierre, couldn’t have done it without Lissie’s help of course!” Refusing to have the conversation mainly focusing on you, you shifted it to Lissie

After all of the catching up session, you’ve interviewed scuderia alphatauri and you’re thankful that it wasn’t as awkward as you’ve thought it’ll be. Once it was wrapped up, you excused yourself and pack things that were needed to be packed with Lissie.

Things were going smoothly for you for the weekend, avoiding pierre and focusing yourself on the task that was given. Interviews with you was widely loved by fans knowing that you’ve already formed a relationship with 20 of the drivers way before.

Soon after, Lissie and you were separated, you’ll be in charge of games and Lissie does most of the talking interviews. You were being sent to different gps than Lissie, though it bugs you off not being with Lissie, you still couldn’t be more thankful.

You’re finally at the Miami GP, this time with Lissie. God really wasn’t on your side today because, if anyone could have been stucked in a lift with you it has to be kika.

The woman that pierre had his eyes on while being in a relationship with you.

Kika knew of your existence but it takes two hands to clap so you did not really put the 100% blame on her because at the end of the day, pierre’s to be blamed too.

“Love the grey dress on you, y/n! you look really good in it” this shocked you, because this was your ever first conversation with kika herself.

you coughed and thanked her while complementing her outfit too, not really your style but for the sake of being kind, why not…? right?

“I didn’t know about you and pierre” she continued, you were really pissed off at the fact why has no one come to rescue me and her.

you really did not want to have this conversation especially after it took you almost 7 months to fully moved on.

“No worries, old story. Pierre’s much happier with you,yes?” You told her off while taking a seat on the lift floor.

she sat beside you.

“He’s not over it yet y/n, at night when i can’t find him next to the bed with me, he’s in the kitchen scrolling through pictures of you both, i’ve caught him listening to the playlist both of you’ve made too. I don’t blame him y/n, i’m sorry for telling you.”

“Kika….” you were stunned, in the 7 months it took you multiple shifts, late night studying to get rid of pierre on your mind only for it to come back right here right now

“I know you’re much more happier now y/n, but pierre was much happy with you than with me. I’ve noticed during the interview you did with him and yuki, I think that was a sign, you know? He doesn’t call me cherie, because it reminded him of you”

“kika, this is too much for me, let’s just be silent yeah?”

All you ever wanna do right now, is to get back to your hotel room and cry your lungs out

5 mins later, you hear the elevator door open and ding, and there stood in-front of you was the man of honour himself.

“Hey love, you okay?” You thought he went to kika and that was what confirmed it for you until you realised he was in-front of you.

“Pierre….? Kika’s there” you sound confused and pointed to kika

a/n : that’s all!!!!!! i hope you like part one, will post part 2 ASAP! pictures are there too let yall imagine the outfits etc!

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions – giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

[bonvoyagenoona]

At the risk of sounding dumb, but what's a sad girl? Or what kind of sad girl is Namjoon's sad girl? Not sure how much of this can be answered without spoiling stuff about AMOMK. I'm kind of assuming it's somewhat literal, but I'm also thinking it's slang that I have no clue about 😅 Cheryl, please help, I've been so confused whenever I read about this girl (although I'm guessing Namjoon is/has been there before too) 😂

Hi anon! I encourage all questions! No such thing as a dumb one, truly. How can something that leads to more knowledge be dumb? So thank you for asking! It gives me an opportunity to talk about pop culture (omg if I could have gotten another PhD in pop culture studies, I totally would, istg I was THIS CLOSE to doing it). AND IT ALSO GIVES ME A REASON TO TALK ABOUT SAD BOI NAMJOON!

The “sad girl” is an aesthetic and characterization that has gone through many evolutions and holds many facets, but describes an expression, aesthetic, and, in some cases, romanticization of reveling in the beauty of existential pain. 

The Sad Girl reads Sylvia Plath and Albert Camus. The Sad Girl listens to SZA, Snoh Aalegra, Jazmine Sullivan, Kehlani, Sara Bareilles, later Kacey Musgraves, Adele, Fiona Apple, Joni Mitchell, Roberta Flack, Mazzy Star... music right at or under 100 bpm and with plenty of minor keys. The Sad Girl likes nocturnes. And the Sad Girl is nocturnal, likes pretty and delicate things, is sensitive, can bottle up feelings until they come out in big, rolling tears. The Sad Girl enjoys a good cry.  The Sad Girl would watch Casablanca over Singin’ in the Rain. If the Sad Girl is a Freudian defense mechanism, she would be catharsis. Lol, here’s a good one: The Sad Girl’s fave BTS album is Tear, and her tracked fic tags are #hurt/no comfort and #angst.

A Sad Girl moodboard. source: twitter, cxlyssx

The great Shenee from Grown Ass Fandom once told me this was “recreational sadness", a term that made me cackle and that I now hold dear! (Check out her podcast if you haven’t already!)

I’m curious to know if fellow self-proclaimed Sad Girls out there would like to weigh in? 

These are, of course, generalizations. Personally, it is less about #YouLookPrettyWhenYouCry for me and more about my own proclivity for gentle nostalgia and learning how to express your negative feelings. It just so happens that when I am feeling negative, I reach for sadness and detachment before anger. So that’s what drives it for me. Looking back on things not necessarily to regret or mourn, but to remind me to just go for it and move forward in moments where my tendency is to shy away, sacrifice, and lament instead. It’s why my soft feels are really my hard feels, and why I am a tender tsundere.

Like with everything else, the term is not without its controversy! This Vice article by Alice Hines shares really key and interesting points about cultural appropriation of the sad girl aesthetic, namely, that it comes from systems in which there is male oppression, and to attach it to a Western, affluent identity removes a certain aspect of the inhibiting aspects that necessitated it. Removing it from its original and nuanced contexts takes vital aspects away, and I definitely see that point.

So now, we come to Sad Boi Namjoon.

source: springrooove

Sad boys are the male sad girl corollary, and Sad Boi Namjoon is AMOMK!Namjoon. He struggles with love because his heart is just so full. He romanticizes life. Romanticizes love itself. Was too optimistic early in life and got burned, and is shying away from the world as a result. Listens to Brandy and, like, Frank Ocean and Cuco. 

In fact, Cuco is on Namjoon’s recommended songs on Spotify. 

And Cuco recently dropped a song called “Caution” that I screamed to @mochilatae / Roomie about BECAUSE IT IS 100% AMOMK!NAMJOON TO A T! TO A T!!!!!!  

In fact, here’s a playlist I’m starting for him, and I’ll be doing the same for other characters! 

And when it comes to Sad Girl, he pines. 

But there’s something deeper here that I want to say about Sad Girls and Sad Bois, so stay tuned as you see their characters develop!

I hope that helps give more context to our beloved Sad Girl drabbles. And I hope you know how grateful I am for your question! Y’all’s interactions give me the ability to share more of what’s on my mind, the world behind what I write, so thanks for entertaining my ideas. Hope you enjoyed, and continue to enjoy AMOMK!

Read A Map of Mrs. Kims / AMOMK here!

[miracleonice87]

Make You Feel My Love with Nathan MacKinnon

a Nathan MacKinnon song fic

a/n: season outcome, timing, and stats = totally fake. based on Nate’s public mentions in past interviews of seeing a sports psychologist, which is really inspiring to me. seeking professional advice is a GOOOOD thing! also, wasn’t originally intended to be a song fic, but Adele’s version of Make You Feel My Love (originally by Bob Dylan) came on while I was finishing it up, so I went with it! last note: pretending Tyson never got traded to the Leafs is the best part of writing hockey fanfiction. 🥺

summary: Angry/Sad Nate loses in the playoffs and takes his frustrations out on his girlfriend Sam, who gets comfort and advice from his teammates and friends.

warnings: swearing; isolated, individual outbursts of anger but NO physical violence; mentions of counseling/therapy and the practice of sports psychology (obviously, like I mentioned, this is a good thing but just something to know); crying Nate (I feel like that deserves a warning)

_____

Deflated, I sat in a bulky black chair in the team family room deep in the recesses of the Pepsi Center for several minutes after leaving the wives and girlfriends suite, needing a moment away from prying eyes and cameras to process what had just occurred.

The Avalanche had been one of the highly favored teams in the West all season long, yet had just been swept in the second round of the playoffs. My boyfriend, Nathan MacKinnon, widely regarded as one of the best players in the NHL, had totaled only one point in the 11 playoff games the team had played this year, earning a single assist on a Mikko Rantanen goal.

Needless to say, that hadn’t been sitting right with Nate.

He’d been short with me since the first few games of the postseason; even shorter than he typically got when he was in a drought. I had tried to give him space, but he snapped about the smallest questions I asked or requests I made of him: what he wanted for dinner, or to be sure he called to wish his sister Sarah a happy birthday. He sometimes mumbled an apology in my general direction, but more often than not, he simply left the room in a huff. I tried my best to be patient — to give him space.

It was abundantly clear that the pressure that always loomed heavy over Nathan like a thick, dark cloud had now intensified. I knew, without him ever verbalizing it, that he felt more burdened than ever before to live up to the hype — to the expectations he had for himself, and to those placed on him, either explicitly or implicitly, by the entire hockey community and the media.

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

I sat still with my head in my hands for what seemed like forever, until sweet Mel Landeskog, whom I had become so close with over the last four seasons of watching our significant others play together, came and rubbed my back gently through the custom Avs denim jacket that hung on my shoulders. I lifted my head to look at her, a sympathetic smile etched on her beautiful features.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” Mel offered. “I know he’s gonna be so hard on himself. But he had such a great season — he needs to be proud of that,” she reasoned. I nodded.

Mel was right. He had had a truly remarkable regular season — he had scored 95 points in 82 games after a enduring a considerable slump for much of the previous year. This year stood in stark contrast to last. He had been riding high for many weeks; that is, until playoffs hit.

I stood to wrap Mel in a hug, appreciative of her gesture of support but unwilling to reflect on Nate’s play right now. “Thank you, Mel,” I told her as I squeezed her tightly. “I’m gonna miss you so much this summer,” I added, gesturing to the car seat on the floor beside her. “And Nate and I will both miss that little one, too,” I said as I blew Linnea a kiss, making her giggle, a welcome sound after a heartbreaking display on the ice. Mel glanced down at her baby daughter, beaming.

“I know, honey. We’ll miss you too. But it won’t be long until we’re all back here together, plus we’ll see each other for a couple of these bachelorette parties and summer weddings and get-togethers, yeah?” she said with a nudge.

“Yeah, that’ll be nice. Until then, you guys be safe,” I told her. With one last hug and quick kisses to each other’s cheeks, Mel picked up Linnea in her seat and exited the room. I realized that she and I had been the last two wives or girlfriends to leave, with most of us having exchanged quiet goodbyes in the suite before making hasty escapes to the parking area to console our respective sad hockey players.

With a groan at the depressing thought, I pulled my jean jacket tighter to my torso and walked slowly out the open door.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

The locker room doors stood maybe ten yards down the hall. The usual rambunctious ruckus that so often echoed off the cinderblock walls was tonight exchanged for a thick silence. It seemed that most of the guys had already left, and those who remained were noiseless. I softly greeted a few of the familiar men who made their way out the doors, offering only a sad smile and a few words of comfort to each, knowing that they weren’t in the mood to engage. They were, however, still polite, with several of the players embracing me briefly or kissing my cheek as they left the building.

Gabe Landeskog was among the very last to leave the room, unsurprisingly, as he was ever the responsible and respectable captain. He spotted me immediately and enveloped me in his strong grasp.

“Hi, friend,” I whispered into his shoulder, worried that my voice would break. “Hi, söt flicka,” (sweet girl) he countered.

“I’m sorry, Cap,” I told him quietly. He pulled back and shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Wasn’t our year,” he replied with a shrug. “As you can imagine, Nate is taking it pretty hard...” his voice trailed off. “I just want you to be prepared,” he finally added, carefully.

My stomach knotted. I tucked some of my hair behind my ear and swiftly licked my lips, feeling anxiety pool in my gut.

Gabe placed a firm hand on my shoulder. “Just remember it’s not you he’s upset with. It’s himself,” he said softly. I quickly glanced up at him and nodded. “Thank you,” I choked out. “Now you better get going. You’ve got two beautiful girls waiting for you,” I told him, feigning a bright grin. He tried to mirror my expression, but fell short. It was unnatural to see such sadness in his normally joyful visage. He squeezed my upper arm.

“That I do,” Gabe agreed. “We’ll see you soon, Sam.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Bye, Cap.” He gave a solemn nod and disappeared down the hallway.

My unease only multiplied after my exchange with Gabe. I began to pace slowly in a circle. I jumped a few moments later when the door flew open with a screech, Nate emerging from behind it, a bitter, dark expression on his face.

I greeted him softly, tentatively, reaching a hand toward him.

“Nate, baby, I —“

My boyfriend brushed past me in a flash, causing a literal draft of air to hit me as he held up his hand, never even making eye contact with me as he practically stomped down the corridor.

My blood ran hot — how dare he not acknowledge my presence after I had attended how many home games, and even road games, supporting him and cheering him on, no matter what? And that was just this season — what about the three prior? Why was he shutting me out? My heart thumped against my ribcage.

“Nathan,” I called, my voice firm this time, whipping around to face his back and then fumbling with the chain of my Louis Vuitton bag as it fell from my shoulder. Discombobulated, I threaded it back over my arm clumsily and took two hurried steps in Nate’s direction, but he was already out of sight.

Just then, I noticed our close friend Tyson Barrie standing a few feet behind me. I could infer from the way he was approaching me gingerly, which was highly unlike him, that he had witnessed our exchange, or the lack thereof. I sighed and pressed a hand to my forehead, his hand coming to grip my other elbow.

“Sam, sweetheart... you okay?” Tyson asked softly. Hot tears pricked my eyelids, but I refused to let them fall, blinking them back with a sniffle. My hand fell back to my side — I was shaking now.

“I knew he would be mad...” I began. “But what the fuck, Tys?” My voice wavered.

Tyson instinctively pulled my waist to his side, giving me a quick, protective kiss to the temple, before pulling away and offering me his hand.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he volunteered. With another sniff, I shook my head. “No, it’s okay, Tys. I drove, thank god,” I spat. “Besides, you’re dealing with the same disappointment. You need to go home with Em and unwind,” I insisted, smoothing one hand over his suit jacket. His head dropped and he offered a weak nod.

“I guess. But listen, if he’s still not acting right, call me, okay? You know you can come over. You’re always welcome, especially when he’s being such an ass,” Tyson said, the end of his sentence turning into a growl. We both sighed; I nodded.

“Thanks, Tys. I’ll let you know. And listen, I’m sorry... about tonight. I know it hurts,” I told him, hugging his neck with one arm. He spread his fingers over my back and gave me a squeeze before stepping back to look into my eyes.

“It’s just hockey,” he said quietly. I smiled weakly and nodded once. “Bye, Sam. See you soon,” he said, rubbing one hand over my shoulder as he turned and made his way down the hall to find Emma.

If only Nathan shared his friend’s logic and sentiment.

I dropped my head back at the thought, tears once again collecting in my eyes. I forced them closed in an attempt to stay composed. With another sigh, I slowly started toward the private parking garage where my vehicle waited.

Unsurprisingly, as I stepped through the glass door and into the garage where I spotted my Audi, the spot next to me where Nate’s Porsche had been was empty. I unlocked my car, tossed my bag and scarf into the passenger side, and slammed my door shut before giving the steering wheel two firm bangs with the palm of my hand. My body still hadn’t stopped trembling.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

I rested my forehead against the leather steering wheel for a moment before drawing a breath and finally backing out of my spot and exiting the garage, apprehensive of the scene I might find at the condo Nathan and I shared.

_____

I stepped through the front door tentatively, chewing on the inside of my lip. I was careful not to make a sound, walking on tiptoes to avoid clicking my heeled boots on the white tile floor. I dropped my purse onto the table in the entryway and reached to hang up my keys on the rack by the closet when I heard the distinct sound of glass — a lot of glass — shattering.

I froze.

The plans I had formulated in my head during my drive to confront Nate as soon as I arrived home suddenly seemed too unnerving to carry out.

My knees were nearly knocking together as I zipped through the living room and tucked myself behind the wet bar in one corner of the room. I hid myself in a partially-enclosed area where the wine and beer fridge stood, then felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I fumbled to answer it, not wanting to make too much noise.

Sidney Crosby, the onscreen caller ID read. I tapped the green button.

“Hello?” I was caught off guard by how frightened my own voice sounded as I answered.

“Sam, hi. Are you home?” Sid’s usually calm and collected tone was now bathed in concern.

“Hi, Sid. Yeah, I just got home. He’s, uh... it’s not good,” I said quietly, glancing at the staircase as I heard another thud upstairs, this time what sounded like a pair of shoes against Nate’s closet wall. On the other end of the call, Sid heaved a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, I figured,” he said tensely. “I tried calling him thinking I might catch him on his way home and talk him down a bit, but he ignored my call. I’m sorry, Sam. Are you alright?”

I glanced down at my free hand which rested on the oak wood of the bar. I was still trembling, my fears of coming home to chaos having been realized.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I choked out, lying through my teeth. “It’s just hard to watch.”

A deep hum of understanding came from Sid’s throat. “I bet. Have you talked to him?”

I shook my head, despite the fact that Sid was nowhere nearby to see the gesture. “No,” I vocalized weakly. “He uh... he kinda... he didn’t wanna talk to me at the arena... I don’t think.” I fiddled with my promise ring on my left hand as I made the admission. It didn’t even sound like Sid was breathing on the other end of the line.

“You’re telling me he blew you off?” he asked gruffly. I could envision Sidney running a hand over his face before gripping his neat curls atop his dark hair, as he often did when frustrated. I opened my mouth to confirm, but couldn’t actually bring myself to do so, knowing what his reaction would be. I also didn’t want to confess to the commotion I had just heard upstairs, knowing that it would further upset my concerned friend, on my behalf. Instead, I let my silence do the talking.

“Goddammit, Sam,” he growled. “I’m so sorry. He’s young. He- he... I used to do this shit, too,” Sidney admitted with a quick breath. “It’s bullshit. He’s just angry with himself and he’s taking it out on you and it’s not fair. I had hoped I had set a better example about how to deal with these things when they happen... but apparently not.”

A couple of hot tears fell to my face as I responded. “This isn’t your fault, Sid.” He retorted immediately, “Well, it’s sure as hell not yours, either.”

We both sat in contemplation for several moments, neither sure of the next step to take. Then, Sid decided.

“I won’t call him again because he needs to talk to you first. But I am going to text him and urge him that he needs to let you in,” Sid insisted. “He needs to let somebody in,” he repeated. “And it needs to be you first.”

More tears were falling now, and I glanced up at the chandelier overhead and pulled my phone from my ear for a beat to try and settle myself. I wiped at my face with the bottom of my thumb.

“Okay,” I finally whispered. I hadn’t ever really cried around Sid, and while he was one of the nicest and most genuine human beings on the planet, I knew he wasn’t quite accustomed to emotional encounters like this one, and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by letting him hear the sobs that were bubbling up in my chest.

“It might not feel like it right now,” Sid broached, speaking in a soothing tone reminiscent of my father’s or brother’s when trying to console me. “But you’re right where you need to be. So is he. He needs you, Sam.”

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

“Sam?” Nate suddenly called out from the balcony above me, his voice not sounding heated, but doleful instead. From where he stood upstairs, he couldn’t see me.

“Was that him?” Sid asked. “Yeah,” I said softly, somewhat in response to both men. “Good. He’s coming around. Trust me. I’ll let you go. Text me later, eh?” Sid requested, sounding slightly relieved. “Yeah, I will. Promise. Thank you. Bye,” I said hurriedly before ending the call.

“Sam?” Nate’s voice echoed off the walls once more, sounding desperate this time. My pulse quickened.

“Yeah. I’m coming,” I said softly. I stuffed my phone back into my pocket, took a steadying breath, and turned to walk upstairs and face him.

By the time I arrived on the second floor only a handful of moments later, Nate was already back in our bedroom, seated in the oversized Queen Anne chair near the center of the room, elbows on his knees, chin almost to his chest. I was shocked to hear small sobs escaping his lips. He glanced in my general direction, not meeting my eyes, and cried harder.

“I can’t even look at you right now,” Nate finally spoke, somewhat coarsely. My heart seemed to shatter right then, and I felt my body steel in self-defense, preparing for war.

“I can’t even believe how I treated you back there. I’m such an awful fucking human. I’m a monster. I’m so sorry,” Nate added tearfully, catching me off guard.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I immediately let out three sobs that seemed to have been lodged in my throat for almost an hour now and, in an instant, closed the gap between us. I dropped to my knees in front of him and laid my head in his lap, hugging his calves. Never before had we shared such an intensely emotional moment. Above me, he covered his eyes with his hands and drew shallow, gasping breaths in an unsuccessful attempt to calm himself.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he cried, not touching me of his own accord. “I’m so sorry.” I picked up my head and looked at him, urgency coursing through my veins. I needed him to come back to me.

“Nathan, baby, hey,” I coaxed, rubbing his big thigh with my hand, which looked so small in comparison. “Look at me. Please? I need you to.”

After a beat, Nate finally lifted his head from his hands, his pale skin slightly splotchy and tinted red, blue eyes shimmering behind more tears that threatened to fall.

“There’s my handsome man,” I said softly, combing my fingers through the neat hair near his ears, watching him slowly return to me.

“Hey, I want you to listen to me, okay? Tonight you’re allowed to cry it out, or punch our pillows, or run on the treadmill all night to blow off some steam. And then I’ll give you a couple more days to swallow this. But after that? We’re gonna check in with Dr. Butler, both of us, so she can give us some ways to cope with this.”

Nate’s shuddering breaths had finally started to slow as I spoke, referencing one of his most trusted allies, the Denver-based sports psychologist he had been seeing now for a few seasons to help him deal with not only hockey-related challenges and mental blocks, but also general anxiety, in order to boost his mental health. I was careful not to allow my tone to come across as if I were babying him, but instead offering comfort and, more importantly, suggesting help. “Because tonight? These last couple weeks? This can’t be it. We can’t deal with things this way. I don’t want you shutting me out, or Sid, or your family, okay? You wouldn’t let me do that — I’m not gonna let you,” I added.

Nate nodded quickly. “Absolutely, babe. I was just gonna say, as soon as I heard you on the phone downstairs, it really just hit me. I realized I needed to text her and set up an appointment,” he told me, his voice no longer shaky. “And that I needed to apologize to you,” he added softly. I nodded, and he grabbed my hands, pulling me to my feet and then back down to lie in his lap. I threw my legs over one arm of the chair and settled against his chest.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to find comfort in Nate’s heartbeat for a moment, as he pressed soft kisses into my hair, before I looked around the room, assessing the damage. I noticed that his suit coat lay crumpled in the middle of his closet floor, his shoes having bounced off the wall there as I suspected, and they sat out of place atop his neatly assembled collection of footwear. Across from us, I noticed the source of the shattered glass — a shadow box display from Nate’s unforgettable rookie season hung just slightly crooked on the wall, the glass in the front completely broken out, save for the shards along the inner edge of the frame.

Nate followed my gaze to the mess and sighed. “I’m really sorry about that, Sam,” he said, shame creeping into his tone. I nodded knowingly. “What did you throw?” I asked. “That puck they gave me from the last game of the regular season. It was on my dresser when I set my wallet down and it just set me off,” he admitted sheepishly. “It was stupid.”

“Yes, it was stupid to break something that’s valuable to you, but it’s not stupid, what you’re feeling,” I told him firmly. “Besides, we’ll get a new glass panel and it’ll be good as new.” His grip around me tightened, appreciative of my response. “Thank you,” Nate whispered into my ear. I turned to kiss his lips slowly and deeply. He finally pulled back, only to murmur, “I don’t deserve you. I’m so grateful I have you.” I smoothed my thumb across his cheekbone. “I’m always going to be here for you, Nate,” I promised. He gave me one more solemn kiss.

“Listen, I’m gonna carry you into the bathroom so you don’t even get close to any shards of glass, and I’ll clean all this up while you run us a bath,” Nate told me. “I’ll join you soon. I think it’ll be good for both of us, eh?” I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck as he easily picked me up bridal-style and headed toward the en suite.

Things were far from perfect, but I was prepared to do everything in my power to get us as close as possible. From the change in his demeanor, I knew Nate was, too.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

[mochamark]

songs that remind me or that i would recommend to nct 127

a/n: i’d greatly appreciate it if you guys sent in some request, however big or small, they all would be greatly appreciated!

==========

taeyong:

get lucky by daft punk

this is such a funky (in a good way) sounding song, which is always to be expected by daft punk. probably my favorite song by daft punk, it just makes me feel like i’m in the 80s or something. i feel like for a guy like taeyong who has such a funky and cool personality, that this could resonate with him very well. it just makes you want to dance for no reason, and i feel like taeyong also dances at times, for no reason.

lyrics to look at: “we've come too far to give up who we are, so let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars”

taeil:

what a wonderful world by louis armstrong

i feel like taeil is such and old soul i love it. in the nct 127 playlist of our lives video he chose another very old song, so i felt it was fitting to give another. this song holds a special place in my heart because i would listen to it whenever i felt sad when i was younger, it provided this comfort that very few songs have been able to do for me. i absolutely love this song, and i think taeil would like it too.

lyrics to look at: “i watch them grow, they'll learn so much more than i'll ever know, then i think to myself what a wonderful world”

johnny:

american boy by estelle ft. kanye west.

did i put this song because johnny is, in fact, an american boy? yes. did i put this song because chicago, johnny’s birthplace was mentioned? also yes. i absolutely love this song with all of my heart, it has so many great memories associated with it, so why not put it for someone who i think is great as well?

lyrics to look at: “take me on a trip, i’d like to go some day, take me to chicago, san francisco bay, i really want to come kick it with you, you'll be my american boy, american boy”

yuta:

got friends by goldlink ft. miguel

yuta is probably the member who is most like me in terms of variety? i’m not even sure what that means. i would definitely say that i listen to music that would coincide with mark or jaehyun’s tastes more, but i do listen to so many different genres its hard to put my music tastes into one box, and i definitely feel like yuta is the same. so i debated, put and r&b type song or a rock one. and i settled with the former. the song kinda gives of the sexy, casa-nova vibes that yuta gives me as well, so i felt it was somewhat fitting.

lyrics to look at: “you was mine and i am yours, and you still mine when i go on tour, i ain't really tryna play no games”

doyoung:

set fire to the rain by adele.

i just re watched nct 127′s playlist of our lives, and doyoung had put someone like you, so i thought it was fitting to put another adele song. doyoung gives off those vibes of someone who listens to ballad like songs all day long. and i wouldn’t put it past him. have you guys seen those memes on twitter of people saying how doyoung sings like he lost a loved one? i feel like if he ever sang this song, it gives those vibes. does that make sense? no probably not.

lyrics to look at: “even now when we're already over, i can't help myself from looking for you”

jaehyun:

opera house by cigarettes after sex.

i’m not sure if you all have watched his nct relay cam by now, but you should. seeing all of his records and vinyls put a smile to my face, especially since i own a few of the ones he has as well. this song is my favorite off of this particular album by cigarettes after sex, and ever since he showed that same record, i couldn’t help but think about listening to the album with him. it’s overall very calming and soothing, which is why it reminds me of jaehyun so much.

lyrics to look at: “if I abandoned love, I'd be a man without dreams I'd rather be out there staring death right between its eyes now”

jungwoo:

sky walker by miguel ft. travis scott.

for the moments that jungwoo just wants to relax, be calm, and listen to some music, this is the song for him. i tend to gravitate towards this song when i’m on vacation, or at the beach, and i feel like this would be a song that he could listen to during those times too. and it just has two different sounds (miguel’s part vs. travis scott’s part) and i kinda like how that sorta resembles the duality jungwoo has.

lyrics to look at: “i play for keeps and i don't lose, you're gonna love it 'cause you're cool as a breeze”

mark:

pink + white by frank ocean

i can’t remember where, but i do vaguely remember mark mentioning that solo by frank ocean was a favorite of his. if there is one thing you could ever learn about me, is that i am in love with frank ocean. the entire blond album was a masterpiece, and i’m not ashamed to admit i have cried to it, several times. i pondered for a while on what song i should give for mark, so i settled with another song from blond. pink+white is literally the best song on that album and it is not up for debate. the harmonization between frank’s voice and beyonce’s vocals towards the end will forever bring me love and prosperity. and that’s why i chose it for mark, because i would like to think he’d like this song as much as i do.

lyrics to look at: “you showed me love, glory from above, where God could fear it's all downhill from here"

haechan:

you by 11:11

when jaehyun recommended this song, i had to laugh. i’ve known about this song, longer than i’ve been a kpop fan so that should tell you something. i feel like haechan is similar to jaehyun in the sense that they both have similar taste in music. they either listen to oldies or current r&b, which is amazing in my humble opinion. i also just really want haechan to do a cover of this song? but i feel like its too nsfw for sm’s tastes.

lyrics to look at: “all i want is you, i just want you, do you think about me?”

==========

let me know if you would like to see this for the other subunits of nct, or for other kpop groups as well!!

[halfway-happyyy]

Soft Alexander things:

Possesses an actual heart of gold.

Feeling a wee bit under the weather today? Oh, he’s got you covered. Literally. He empties out the blanket cupboard at the end of the hallway, searching for the one he knows you love the most. He’ll call his mom with a list of your symptoms (even if he knows its just a cold) and report back a half an hour later with her coveted chicken noodle soup recipe. “We’ll get you feeling better in no time, kid.”

He loves a good, roaring fire. He’ll build one out in the back yard, even if it’s only just him who sits around it. Eventually you’ll humor the elder Swede and join him around the blazing fire, settling into the warmth of his lap as you do so.

Thunder and lightning. He knows how much you adore the sound and scent of rain showers, so he checks the weather ahead of time and sets up wicker chairs and blankets on the front porch so that you can watch as close as you can without getting wet.

He knows how much your dog Milo detests thunderstorms, so he checks the weather ahead of time and makes sure to cuddle the pup extra hard when one rolls in. “It’s okay, Milo… papa’s got you. You’re safe with me.”

Every now and then, he loves being the little spoon, which makes your heart sing louder than you could ever express.

Went a little too hard at wine night with your best friend? You hesitate to pick up the phone to call him. He'd just flown home from a shoot two nights ago… but he picks up on the second ring. Tells you he'll be there in a half an hour. When he rolls up, he gets out of the car to help you to your side. He's already got a bucket in the front seat in case you wretch on the way home. Which you do. Multiple times. He's got your window cracked half way, the chill of the wind as he speeds home helps to calm the roiling, chardonnay-induced waves in your stomach. When the car finally glides to a halt, he rushes around to your side of the door to help you out of it and into the house. He scoops you up into his arms and makes a beeline for the washroom, where he settles you gently against the porcelain bowl. “I'm right here, kid… better out than in.” He ties your hair into a sloppy bun and rubs your back in soothing circles until the sun greets you a couple of hours later.

When you eventually stir the next morning and your head feels like it's splitting in two, he'll have already set a glass of ice water and two extra strength Tylenol on the wooden counter next to you.

Has saved every single birthday card and Christmas card your grandparents have ever given him. “I love them so much, kid… Way too important to ever throw away.”

Laughs at his own jokes consistently. Even if they're terrible. To the point that it has now become equally as (if not more so) funny to you. After his laughter has subsided, he'll often turn to you, expression deadpan, and murmur, “it must be difficult dating someone so hilarious.”

For an entire year after Alexander landed the part of Tarzan, your ringtone for him whenever he called was Baltimora's 'Tarzan Boy'. Oh oh oh Oh OH oh oh oH oh OH...

Designates a pocket in his favourite suitcase to love letters you've written him. “I pull them out when I’m in my trailer and missing you too much.”

Lives for live concerts and outdoor music festivals. He especially likes that he can be anyone he wants when he attends. His six-foot four figure disappears easily in large crowd, where it can't really do that anywhere else.

Sweden. He has accepted (and is gracious) for the way in which the US has welcomed him so kindly, but no matter how far away he roams, Sweden will always be home to him.

Knows when you need a really good cuddle. Can sense it the moment you step through the door after a long day. He listens for the familiar sound of your keys in the glass dish in the front foyer. He'll watch you trod up the stairs to your room and wait about ten minutes while he finishes up dinner. He appears in the doorway of your room silently; regards your figure splayed out on the bed. He won't ask you what's wrong- that can be discussed later. For now, he'll just lay down beside you, curling his much larger body around yours and pressing reassuring kisses to the nape of your neck.

Sings in the shower. Musical performances run every morning and include anything from Frank Sinatra to ABBA to the latest Adele tune.  

Cooking. He doesn’t get to do it nearly as often as he’d like, but he really enjoys it when he does. Where you prefer to bake (cakes, breads, pies) he has a natural talent for throwing foods and flavours together and having them taste wonderfully. He’s also been known to host dinner parties; friends and family from Sweden, or costars, you name it, they’ve probably taken a seat at your dining table.

Has no problem having real, live pythons draped around his shoulders but that ridiculously tiny house spider in the corner of the bathroom this morning? He practically put a pricetag on its head for you.

On nights when the sky is impossibly clear, he'll drive you down to a spot so that you guys can watch the stars swim across the inky night sky together. He could go on for hours about astronomy if you let him (and you do) because you love the sound of his voice, and the passion with which he speaks. After a while, he'll sling an arm around your shoulders and kiss your cheek. "There's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be right now, than here with you, kid."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #460

“i let it fall - my heart  /  and as it fell, you rose to claim it”

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We have a tradition of opening one of the smaller presents on Christmas Eve. If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? PANTS. I need new pants BADLY. What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It really depends on why I was crying and how hard. Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Old survey. I really thought he'd be assassinated more than any other president, honestly. Last time you felt suicidal? A couple weeks ago, but they were only passive thoughts. Last time you had butterflies? Sometime today, thinking about things. Biggest asshole you know? Some relative of my sister's in-laws' is so fucking rude. Literally no one likes him, but because he's family, he comes to events, anyway. Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No. What song did you last listen to? I'm listening to No Resolve's cover of "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele. I have seriously been into rock/metal covers lately. Ever ridden in a police car? Yes. That's how they transport you from the ER to psych hospitals here. Ever witnessed a murder? JESUS, no. Have you ever lied under oath? No. Have you ever failed a subject before? I failed Algebra I during my last college attempt. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? Noooo. I wouldn't. I want tarantulas, which are venomous (the potency ranging from what side of the world they come from), but even the worst of their venoms isn't fatal. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Yes. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Yeah. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? It's possible, idk. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? None, I think? When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I use a mouse. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? BOY THAT WOULD SUCK Have you ever been tempted to steal? No. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Moonwatcher. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? Mom, walking to her bedroom after a shower. Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? Pyramid Head from the Silent Hill franchise. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? When I'm driving, no music. I can't focus. Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I'd LOVE a sphinx. I doubt I'm ever getting rats or dogs again, but I do think they're cute. Females, anyway. I'm sorry but hairless male animals are just laksdjfk;lajdwkl;wj for obvious reasons. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? J, T, D, S. What did you and your ex fight about most? "The" ex, uhhhh... I don't really know. We didn't fight a lot. Don’t you love long hugs? YEAH especially if I'm crying or just in general need comfort. And long kisses? If we're serious and the timing is right, yeah. Have you ever purchased condoms? No. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No previous ones, no. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. Even I wasn't THAT low. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. My guilty conscience would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? No, and you're fucking garbage if you have. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm humiliated to tell people I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? omfg NO. I would absolutely pull over sobbing, move the animal to the side of the road, and hopefully there will be some wildflowers nearby to rest on it. I'd call whoever picks up roadkill, too. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Take me out to Olive Garden like a basic white bitch & feed me spicy shrimp fritas and u have approximately a 90% chance of getting laid. :eyes emoji: What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Ohhhh I know there's one, but I'm blanking. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? That is like an impossible question. There are so many possible, epic adventures. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yup, in the past. Like shut the fuck up, are you the one dating them???? Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I've done this many, many times. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Idk, there's a lot of people I know like that. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Fall in love. Nothing matches that feeling to me. What would you rate 10/10? markerplayer What do you hope never changes? My resilience. I never want to give up when something knocks me down. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? UM THAT IS MY MOTHER Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? Girt. Like. Now. But I'm waiting until I actually see him again. This needs to be said to his face. Where is the person you have feelings at right now? He's maybe asleep or just waking up? I don't actually know his exact hours and I know they alternate, but I think he primarily works the night shift at his job? Are you happy with your relationship status? I'm not anymore. I want to be with ^ like very badly. When did you last cry? What for? Today. I'm terrified of loving someone again in the fear of getting very hurt or plain traumatized again. Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? No. When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? I usually hate questions that assume I can see the future, but I can tell you I plan to whenever I see He Who I've Mentioned a Gazillion Times In Today's Survey Spam. Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? My dad, in the past. Not currently. What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? If you wanna count hospital stays, like... a month? Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? I've been made fun of online once because of my weight. The insult never left me. Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? No. It's awful. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” What a dick move. Some people don't like hugs. Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. Anyway, no. I hate my legs WAY too much. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? My sister's in-laws and her husband. Who has your heart? I'm never giving that to another person again. I've got it. But to answer the general question that's being asked, I've fallen like head over heels for Girt. Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I think it's pretty... I don't know the right word. It just seems immoral to me? Especially when you start cloning things with an actual conscience. I can see a lot of problems arising from it. Are you impatient with really shy people? Well no, given I'm one of 'em. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? Recently? Idk. Would you ever get a fashion mullet? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mullets are so ugly alsdkfj;aljdl;jwe Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? Isn't it historical, documented fact he was a living person? Even if that is true though, I don't believe in his "miracles." Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No. Do you believe in callings? No. If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? UM hell yeah. Pls take pictures of me that help me believe I'm even just 0.001% pretty.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you have any tan lines? Nope. Have you ever wished you could stop time? Yes. I’ve also wished I could speed it up. Is there any pictures on the wall you're in? Yeah, there’s several. Who was the last person who called you? My mom. Did you make any money today? No.

Have you ever fallen and twisted your ankle? No. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I haven’t jumped from anywhere. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? No. Ever been so unfortunate to slip on wet rocks? Nope. When was the last time you got completely soaked by rain? It’s been a long time. One of the times that comes to mind is when my mom, aunt, a former friend, and I were at an outdoor festival and we got caught in an unexpected rain storm. It just started pouring down hard and we were not prepared at all. We had to run back to our car, which was parked a good distance away and yeah we were absolutely soaked. 

Is there something you really want to buy at the moment? I’d love to be able to book a beach vacation getaway. Would you ever consider culinary school? No. I’m not a cook and have no interest in trying to become one. Do you ever watch the clouds, to see if they look like objects/animals etc? I did when I was a kid sometimes. When was the last time you didn't want to get out of bed? That’s me everyday. It’s a real struggle. Are you excited for anything coming up in the near future? No. My foreseeable future consists of more doctors and appointments and struggles and spending most of my time in bed. Speaking of dancing, do you know any real dance moves? I know them, but I can’t do them. Do you save cards from your birthday/x-mas, etc? Yes. What was the last souvenir someone got you? A shirt. Do you have a favorite remix of a song? One of my favorite covers is Adele’s cover of George Michael’s “Fast Love” that she preformed at an award show in honor of him after he died. I can only describe it as hauntingly beautiful. I really wish she would have released a studio version of it. When was the last time you printed something off? I don’t recall; it’s been awhile. Are you one of those people who can learn music/songs by ear? No, I wish. There was a guy in my piano class I took my senior year in high school that could do that. It was really cool. Has the power gone out recently? No, but I have a feeling it will happen soon. It always does when we have a lot of triple digit degree weather, which is what this week has consisted of. Do you like driving at night? I don’t drive, but I like nighttime drives. Like, whenever I travel I love leaving really early when it’s still dark out. It’s a different experience. Does seeing roadkill make you sad, or just grossed out? Both. Does wearing heels make you feel sexier? I don’t wear heels. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? The piano can sound that way. What day do you go back to school (if you're in school)? I’m forever done with school. When was the last time you've gone shopping with a friend? It’s been a few years. Do you ever go out to dinner with your Mom? We haven’t physically gone out to eat for dinner in quite a long time.  What is your favorite kind of salad dressing? Ranch. Have you ever bought fireworks? Not me personlly, but my dad and brother do every 4th of July. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Sometimes, but I ultimately decide if I want to see it or not. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Sure. Who was the last person/website to send you an email? I don’t feel like checking. Has your phone ever rang and scared you? Yeah. I’m such a jumpy person anyway. If you have a cat, does it ever "converse" with you? I don’t have a cat. If given the chance, would you ever fly in a fighter plane like the F-16? No. Are you afraid of standing on the edge of hills/skyscrapers/cliffs etc? Uh, YES. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar etc)? No. Do you support the funds designed to protect endangered animals? (Like WWF). I haven’t done much myself to support them, but I’m glad they exist. What type of a drunk are you? (Obnoxious, calm, emotional, violent, etc) I was a chatty drunk. I feel like I was annoying, ha. I was also the sad drunk. Do you have an absolute favorite name (boy or girl)? I love the name Alexander. Are you good at pronouncing foreign words? Uhh, depends. If you're not already, when do you plan on getting married? I don’t want to get married. Can you tolerate the smell of cigarette smoke? Nooo. It honestly makes me sick, like I get lightheaded and dizzy, I get nauseous, and I get a really bad headache. When listening to music, do you usually tap your foot etc to the beat? I sometimes tap my fingers and hands. Have you ever literally cried on a friend's shoulder? No. Was there something that "made your day" today? It literally just turned midnight, so today is just now starting. Do you have a favorite kind of chocolate bar? White chocolate. Are you happy that it's summer? Ugh, no. It’s hot and miserable. Is there anything that you should be doing right now? I’m about to make my nightly bowl of ramen.  Has anyone had expectations that you just couldn't live up to? (finishing this a couple hours later...) That’s how I’ve been feeling. Are you currently in a relationship? If so, how long have you been dating? Nope. Would you ever consider being a DJ at a party if you were paid? Nah. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Wow, this question makes it seem like they’re so futuristic and rare lol. Yes, I use electric toothbrushes. Are you or anyone you know devoted to "being green"? Not overly so, no. When it comes election time, do you vote (if you're old enough)? Yes. What was the last movie you watched that was on TV? I watched Fear 1994 on Netflix recently if that counts. How long have you had an account on bzoink? I don’t have an account on bzoink. Do strapless bras work for you? I don’t like them. I only wear them if I have to, like with a dress. Do you have a favorite hair elastic that you use almost always? No. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/ were planning on it/etc? No. When you were younger, did you have a yoyo? I did. I couldn’t do any tricks, though. What was the last video game you played, if any? Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Has anyone ever called you nerdy? Yeah. Have you ever had to call 911? Yes. Has there ever been a tornado near where you live? No, fortunately. Are you a rollercoaster addict? Noo. I’m a big scardy cat. Do you feel comfortable enough to wear short shorts? No. I’m very self-conscious about my legs. About my body in general, really. If you have iTunes, do you find the Genius recommendations helpful? I don’t even recall what that is; I haven’t used iTunes in almost 10 years. Are you quick at looking up numbers in phonebooks/ words in dictionaries? Phonebooks, wow.  I haven’t used a phonebook or actual dictionary in yearsssss thanks to the Internet/Google.  Have a favorite actor/actress from Old Hollywood? (Marilyn Munroe, etc) Lucille Ball. Out of Biology, Chemistry and Physics, which are you the best at? None of those. Is there a friend you can always talk to about anything? I don’t have any friends. Can you stand spicy foods? Not anymore. :( It’s gotta have like barely anything like McDonald’s or Taco Bell mild hot sauce type of stuff. It’s wild because I used to be obSESSED with spicy food. I put hot sauce on everything and had a high spicy tolerance. Then a few years ago I developed a sensitivity and I can’t even have red pepper flakes now. It sucks. What's your opinion on people who stretch their ears? Hey, do what you want. I’ll admit the really stretched out lobes freak me out, though. Do you think tattoos are expressive art or unattractive? To me they can be either one, it just depends. What is your school mascot? -- Do you find black and white photos to be pretty? Yeah. Food you make doesn't taste as good as food made by others, true? Sometimes. Especially foods like sandwiches for some reason. I think they’re way better when my mom or a deli makes them.  Is there a certain color that doesn't look good on you? I don’t think I look good in anything, so. Have you ever heard anything interesting about Nova Scotia, Canada? Not that I can recall. Have you ever seen a bear in the wild? No, thankfully. Do you know when you will get to see your significant other next? I’m single. What's the book you're currently reading? ”Such a Good Girl” by Willow Rose. Is your room currently a disaster? No. If going to a concert, do you prefer it to be outside or in a stadium? Definitely in a stadium.

Do you have a case for your camera? I use the camera on my phone, which I do have a case for. Can your cellphone take a beating? I’ve dropped it a few times and so far so good. Is there a month you prefer over others? October and December. Do you ever buy lottery tickets? Just a couple of times. Can you recall the most disturbing movie you've ever seen? A Clockwork Orange is one. Are you more of a tape or a glue person? Tape. Of course, it does depend on what I’m doing. In some cases, glue is the better option.  Has anyone you know gotten mono? Not that I know of. What is/or was your graduating year? I graduated UC in 2015. Have you had a weird dream lately? All my dreams are weird. Have you ever gotten an autograph from someone famous? Yes. Do you own a pair of slippers? No. Do you ever watch VHS movies anymore? No. I don’t even recall the last time. Has your computer ever decided to completely erase itself? No, but I’ve lost stuff because of viruses back in the day. :(

Only when the power goes out do we realize how much we rely on it, true? It definitely becomes quite apparent quite quickly. Have you ever picked an apple off the tree and eaten it? No. Can you say yes / no in different languages? ”Si” and “No”, ha. Are you good at styling your own hair? No. Especially not anymore since I just don’t have the motivation or energy to do anything with my hair, which is why it was always up in a bun. I finally just cut it really short and have been wearing a cute wig if I go somewhere cause that’s all I can to do right now. I am sad, though. It was so long.   Out of the traditional superheroes, which one is your favorite? The Scarlett Witch and Iron Man. What color is the shirt you're wearing right now? Black. Have you ever been lost? Physically and figuratively, yes.

[way-veee]

yan yu

rating: m

genre: romance, fluff, comedy, wayv being absolute crackheads

word count: 1.5k +

pairing: reader x wayv

pt. 6

“okay, sure, has the osaka part of the report been sent in yet? the editors need it by friday, also can you get me an estimated time for the cover photo and staff member list?” 

you roll your eyes as your manage asks you a multitude of questions  over the phone due to the change in arrival.

“yes i sent in the report yesterday and the cover photo will be taken on the last day. everything’s fine, don’t worry i got this.”

you hear her huff through your phone.

“okay that’s great. i read part of the preview you sent over last week and it seemed pretty good. keep up work like that and the report will be trending in no time.”

you nod into the phone.

“listen,“ you start, “ i was wondering. what would happen if maybe i covered wayv in a not so unrealistic light. what if i focused more on their struggles and issue with their company-”

“y/n” your manager snaps, definitely upset. “if you do that you’re fired. do you hear me? we don’t need our company getting shit on by sm or their fans because you wanted to have some political coverage to make you feel authentic or whatever. if i see anything like that i’ll fire you right on the spot. i swear to god.”

“okay i’ll take that as no. nice talking to you as always.”

“you too” she responds flatly.

she hangs up a second later and you pocket your phone, ready to go out.

you try to push probably being fired from your job out of your mind and enjoy the day.

wayv was at the studio again today, practicing their choreography and finishing lyrics. you wanted to get more coverage on the process for the report so you decided to go as well.

the boys left earlier in the morning than you, and not wanting to wake up at 6:30 to sit in a cold practice room, you had declined.

you go to the cafeteria and get a latte and bagel for your breakfast. you tuck the bagel in your purse for later and walk out the front exit of the building to get to the bus stop.

it was cold while waiting for the bus so you put on your hat to keep warm. the bus came fifteen minutes later and you gladly boarded, taking one of the only empty spots beside a girl that looked about your age. the bus took off with a jolt and you leaned back into your seat sipping your vanilla latte.

“hey i know you!”

you look over at the girl surprised, you didn’t think you knew her.

“you were in my vocal class senior year!”

you inspect the girls face more thoroughly. her sloped nose and clear skin jogged your memory. 

“ohhh i remember you! you’re nene, the one who sang adele for their final exam.”

(not very well if you recall correctly)

“ya! that’s me!” she responds cheerfully while looking you up and down “and you sang....”

“i didn’t.” you reply embarrassed, looking past her at the highway falling behind the bus window.

“riiight, that was when you ran out of the exam and threw up in front of the science classrooms!”

you nod desperately trying to forget when you were too nervous to perform and vomited in front of your classmates.

“then the principal came but you wanted to come back and-”

“how’s the singing going now?” you cut in, slightly annoyed.

“oh great!” she replies with perfect teeth and rosy lips.

“i’m still doing auditions but i have a feeling something big is coming my way. plus i’ve already achieved something better!”

“what’s that” you reply, losing interest in the pretty girl from high school that you remembered was also quite boring.

“i’m dating a celebrity!” she yells.

everybody on the bus slowly turns to look at us, mostly annoyed at us being loud. you shrink down wanting to disappear from this conversation.

“oh, that’s so cool...” you say not wanting anything more to do with this girl.

“do you wanna know who it was?”

“no that’s okay, you probably shouldn’t tell people anywa-”

“they were in nct 127!”

“what” you say a little too loudly.

“you heard me” she smirks definitely liking your shocked reaction.

she disinterestedly plays with a pink charm on her purse. she was going to make you ask to her to tell the rest of the story. you had to know a little bit more because wayv and nct 127 were both sub units. 

you hated girls like this.

“nene, can you please tell me a little more? if you can, i understand if you can’t but-”

“okay, it was like 5 months ago and i was at one of the recording studios downtown doing backup vocals for this really cool band called the rain and as i was going to get a snack they literally walked right past me.”

she retells the story so perfectly and without skipping a beat. you figured she was telling the truth. 

“and i totally make eye contact with taeyong. like eye contact” she emphasizes making big eyes at you while continuing.

“the recording manager said that they’d be on a break in 20 so i waited outside and when taeyong came out he says hi to me. and we talk for a little bit and he gives me his number! his actual phone number.”

“wow” you say trying to sound enthusiastic. maybe this was just a boring story and you shouldn’t have asked about it.

“so then a week later we set a date at the dorms... and you know” she says smiling cheekily at me. 

“he was super sweet too, he told me this funny story of when mark went on a date with a reporter because she kept writing bad articles about them and she totally thinks that he likes her and that they’re like dating or something. anyways, when i got there..”

your jaw dropped. it made sense now. why they were nice to you and became your friend so suddenly. 

god you were so dumb, 

why didn’t you think that the managers of wayv would also get the rough drafts of your report too. they definitely told the boys about what you had initially said.

it was apparent now that they were just using you so you’d write a positive report based off of friendship not truth.

“hey y/n?” nene says pinching your arm with her pointy nails. “oh...” she says while definitely trying to suppress her smile. “i forgot, aren’t you are reporter too?” she tilts her head looking at you bemusedly to see how you’d react.

“this is my stop” you say while gesturing to the red flashing light announcing the street that the dance studio is at.

“bye y/n!” nene screeches from inside the bus. “you know where to contact me!”

you wave meekly as the doors shut and the bus passes by you.

while walking to the studio your sadness of being deceived turns into anger and embarrassment. you hated celebrities and vocal majors and cold days and bagels. 

you walk into the building and find the room number you had written down on a piece of paper. you walk up two flights of stairs and down a large hallway with closed doors.

finally, you bust into their room to see them by the full length mirrors practicing formations.

they saw the pain and anger on your face and were frightened by how different you seemed.

“y/n, are you okay?” kun asks getting up off of the floor visibly concerned.

you knew that you shouldn’t do this here for so many different reasons. but you felt like you had too. wayv meant too much to you for it all to be fake.

“is this real.” you ask, staring at them and their confused expressions.

“y/n what do you mean-” kun starts

“is this real. is our friendship real?”

they look at you quizzically. why were you bringing this up now.

“yes, we’re friends now. remember we got past the whole hating eachother bit and banded together to make music and you were gonna write the article-”

you cut ten off sharply

“are you just being nice to me because of my job. because you want me to write something nice about you guys.”

they stay silent as you feverishly try to push back tears. the buzz of the room is so loud in your ears.

“i know this is dumb because we haven’t known eachother for long. but i thought that we were friends. i thought you guys- you superstars liked me for who i was. i- over this week i was really happy working and talking with you guys. i’m so stupid to think that you would actually like me.”

you started to get really nervous for speaking your thoughts to them in a rom-com fashion. you wanted to crawl into the floors and disappear.

everyone is quiet for a moment. thinking over what you said as you clutch the cold bagel in your purse trying not to cry.

“what about the song? do you think that was fake? or that we do that with every reporter?” lucas asks.

you look up at them.

“do you know what yan yu means?” yangyang asks

“of course” you reply. “ it means to speak”

“that’s going to be the name of our new title track.” he replies

you look at yangyang wanting him to explain.

winwin steps forward slightly looking at the ground.

“we called it yan yu because you allowed us to speak. because of all that you’ve done while you’ve been here. the thing we care about most isn’t the article, it’s having our own voices. we want to tell the world- through our music that we’re ready to be heard because we finally have something we can say that’s ours. this is all because of you, we can speak now because of you.”

you look into his eyes as they soften in the corners. you know that what winwin said is real because he never liked you enough in the first place to make up such a heartfelt lie. 

you start to melt a little as you continue to process the words.

“if we wanted you to write a positive article we would’ve just seduced you.” hendery says. “it’s easier and probably has faster results especially if there’s more of us-” 

you run and hug hendery before he finishes. you smile in his arms as he hugs you back. you pretend that you’re not crying but his shirt is probably wet now, so they’ll find out very soon.

 what they said was so sincere and nice. you were now convinced that what you had with the boys was real to them too.

all of your worries from early dissipate into the stale air above you. you felt someone hug you from behind only to feel lucas’s warm chest against your back. you smiled bigger as you felt the other members join your hug, feeling warmer and warmer each time a member joins.

a moment later when they were all silent you spoke, trying to not let your voice crack from your crying.

“you deserve to be heard. you guys have so many important things to say and a lot of music that needs to be listened to. i’m glad i could help you all become the fantastic artists you’ve always been.”

you feel the hug tighten around you and you swear your heart smiles within your chest. 

how were you ever going to phrase this in the report.

“no, xiaojuns arm is too far above lucas’s it looks weird.”

“are you sure that’s not what the video looks like?” ten questions walking over to inspect the boys formation.

“no shes right” he says moments later after glancing at the laptop screen.

he adjusts their arms and they slowly runs through the next steps as you try to compare them to the video they had given you on one of their laptops.

you stop them seconds later, “lucas coming down from the high kick you were behind by a few seconds and henderey you need to extend your leg more.”

they run the moves again as you enjoy your newfound power over the boys. they had been practicing a new intro choreo for their music bank performance for a little over two hours. 

you had agreed to help them because you thought it would be good to add how much hard work and dedication it took to just perform a two minute intro for your article. 

okay, another part of you also felt bad for barging into the practice room, accusing them of being fake friends and thinking that they were influencing you so you’d use the little power you did have to make them look good. maybe a little more of the second, but they didn’t need to know that.

“wait stop! did you guys change that cross formation there or was it in the second half.”

“um,” ten says while sweating and breathing vigorously from the nonstop motion. “we changed the triangle formation in the second half to the diagonal line. this is the cross formation.”

“okay, i wasn’t sure, i’ll mark it down. also lucas and yangyang you guys need to fix your levels on that cross because it looks unbalanced” you say while scribbling that down on the stage direction sheet.

“jeesh” xiaojun whispers to the boys, “she’s worse than our choreographer and that’s his actual job.”

the boys chuckle while glancing over at you as you wrote the note down.

“well we’ll be out of here faster and the performance will be good.” kun shrugs while trying to hold back how tired he really was.

lucas pokes kun’s shoulder with one of his long fingers and he goes tumbling down to the ground. the boys laugh hysterically.

“you won’t even be able to walk by the time we do have to perform!” lucas yells in his face while laughing at the tiny amount of pressure that had sent him tumbling to the ground.

“okay we’re gonna take it from the top one more time!” kun yells at you while trying to get up off the ground as the boys continue to laugh at him instead of helping him.

you nod and rewind the video. you had a few more notes but wasn’t sure if they could handle it today. kun seemed pretty tired so reluctantly you just pressed play and let the music run.

you watched the boys in such fascination at how fast and expertly their bodies moved. it was insane to you how some of them couldn’t even dance before becoming trainees but now were better than some professional dancers.

the boys were hard at work on this sunday afternoon. practicing the same painstaking motions over and over again until it morphed into art. to this day i will never understand how idols can turn such mundane actions into a performance piece worthy of national acclaim. for now i have only one solution, i believe there is something inside them that is extraordinary.

part 7 will be linked down here:)

[fitzrove]

soft like summer rain - 13 and 15

Thank you so so much for asking!!! I’m too overworked and overwhelmed by uni to write fic right now so talking about past, finished fics instead makes me super happy ((and strokes my ego XD)).

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

This is actually one of the few fics I’ve written that’s extensive enough to grow a proper playlist around it, and I’m going to share it with you!!

I mean, I do sometimes collect Mood Songs for other fics too, but I’m not at all prolific with them. I also must confess that @jasmiinitee helped me out with collecting many of these songs, and I also owe some of the chapter titles to her, because I based them on the songs from this list :D

The list is here. The title translates to “Peter, I want to love”, which is a random old Finnish movie that I saw on sale in the local megamarket around the time I started writing the fic. Thankfully, that didn’t become the title of the entire fanfic XD Also, because of that list, Dolly Parton’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ was my most-listened song of 2019... and so were many others. I had that playing on the background a whole lot, whether I was writing or plotting at the time!

My fave songs from the list in addition to ‘I Will Always Love You’ are ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele (fitting and PAINFUL), ‘3′ by Britney Spears (lol) and ‘Rocky Mountain High’ by John Denver, which I hadn’t heard before and only did because jasmiinitee put it on the list. It’s one of the most atmospheric songs on the list and also like, ever. Also honorary mentions cos I can’t resist: The Marvelettes’ ‘Please Mr Postman’ and Sonny & Cher’s ‘500 Miles’.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

It gave me so much confidence, because I’ve literally written a book-length work now!! Definitely taught me planning and outlining, because it’s the first work I���ve ever written that really required a chapter structure and proper outline. Also editing and rewriting, and I think my patience may have marginally improved when I decided to post it all in one go over three days instead of periodically as I wrote it during the course of four months.

i want the sequel so bad why am i in university im probably gonna have like 8 million assignments due next weeeeeeeek

fanfic writer asks

[fic-for-fic-sake]

To make you feel my love, Loki x reader

A/N: Literally sitting in the dark in my room listening to the Adele song To make you feel my love and I thought, wow, I should totally write a fic about this song because I’m some kind of sadist. So anywhere, here’s the oneshot nobody asked for but I delivered anyway.

When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love

You had been in love with Loki Odinson for as long as you could remember. In fact, you couldn’t think of a time that you /weren’t/ in love with him. You two had grown up together running through the palace hallways after each other. As a nobleman's daughter, you and Loki ran in the same social circles. The only problem was, Loki didn’t see you the way you saw him.

It was tragic but true, though you had never expressed your devotion for him, you were certain he saw you as nothing more than his very best friend. You two were closer than close, told each other everything. You saw the way he looked at attractive young men and women of the court and you knew he didn’t look at you the same way. But there was something you knew none of them had, his ear.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love

He would bring people in and out of his chambers but they never stayed, not like you. You were one of few constants in the Prince’s life. Every time Thor annoyed him or Odin chose Loki as his personal punching bag, you were always there to help him through it. Often times he would ask you why you had never courted anyone for longer than a couple months at a time. How could you bring yourself to tell him it was because in your eyes nobody could hold a candle to him? That the only person you wanted in all the realms only saw you as a friend.

You would simply gaze fondly at him and ruffle his hair, something he would /never/ let anyone else do, and ask him about his latest conquest. No matter how much you felt like you were being gutted, it was better than having the attention on your and your affection for the younger prince.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong. I’ve known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong.

The day was fast approaching when Thor and Loki would have to choose brides to be by their side when one of them eventually ascended to the throne of Asgard. Though you saw Loki gallivanting with every possible bachelorette in the kingdom, none of them seemed to stick. You knew it was foolish but you had hoped it was because of you. But in truth, you knew it probably had to do with his restless and mischievous nature. Having a wife would tie him down and hinder his ways.

How badly you wanted to tell him that with you it wouldn’t be like that. You didn’t want to change Loki, you loved him just as he was. To you, he was perfect. How could anyone ask him to change something so fundamental about himself? Those who tried were all fools who didn’t want the real Loki, only the version they had projected onto him.

I’d go hungry I’d go black and blue. I’d go crawling down the avenue. No there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do, to make you feel my love.

Even though you lived outside of the palace you were there most nights because of Loki. Whenever he was having a moody day or just felt like it, he requested your presence. He said it was because having you near him focused him more. You always tried to hide the blush that would creep up your cheeks when he said this.

You recalled the first night you had permission from your father to stay over at the palace. Queen Frigga had said she would arrange for you but Loki wouldn’t have it, insisting that you spend the evening in his chambers with him. Once the two of you had decided to call it a night you walked down the dark hallways from the library to his chambers with only the flicker of torchlight illuminating the way.

You had been in Loki’s room numerous times before but this was the first time you were there past reasonable hours. When he shut his chamber door behind him, you had began to position yourself on his chaise lounge by the fireplace.

“Y/N, what in Odin’s name are you doing?” He had asked with a curious smile on his face.

“I’m getting ready for bed.” You simply stated, thinking it was quite obvious.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not sleeping on that. You’ll sleep in my bed with me. There’s plenty of room for both of us.” He replied as if this was a normal occurrence for the two of you.

Your mouth went dry at the suggestion. He couldn’t have possibly meant that you two would share a bed. Yes nothing would happen but the mere thought of being in the bed with the person you were so enamored by was incomprehensible to you. When you were again able to form a cohesive thought all you let out was a measly “oh”. You then watched as Loki got on the left side of the bed and you went around to the right side and got in as well. You two weren’t touching each other by any means but gods were you aware of his proximity to you. You turned your body to face away from him and eventually you drifted into a peaceful sleep.

You awoke to something pressing against your back. A second of consciousness later you were aware that it was Loki. As you continued to wake up more you realized that his arms were around you and he was spooning you. Ever so slightly, you turned around to face him, careful not to disturb him. You saw as obsidian locks cascaded over the pillow and a few had made their way across his beautiful face. You observed as his chest softly rose and fell in time with his breathing as his long eyelashes fanned over his cheeks. You swore you could wake up to this sight every day for the rest of your life and never get bored.

A feeling of profound sadness washed over you in that moment, longing for something that you knew would never come. You slowly got up and found a book and began to read it as you sat in the chaise by the fire.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea, and on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain’t seen nothing like me yet.

A month later it had been decided that Thor would succeed Odin as King of Asgard. A decision that threw Loki for a loop. You stayed up with him night after night as he grew more and more enraged. He was sure he had proven himself as a true leader to Odin time and time again. He kept insisting that Thor knew nothing of diplomacy and would surely mess up the first chance he got.

You had talked him down from each one of his rampages, speaking soothing words and gently rubbing his back as he held his head in his hands. Your poor lost prince, how would he make it out of this one?

The day came for Thor’s coronation and the whole aristocracy was there to celebrate, at least almost everyone. While you were happy for Thor you were there for Loki. You had promised him that you wouldn’t leave his side for the duration of the day and he was thankful for it. As Odin spoke the words of Thor being worthy and a true heir of the throne of Asgard, Loki entwined his fingers with yours and gently squeezed your hand. You gave a reassuring squeeze back, trying to mentally tell him that you would always be there for him, no matter what.

Odin was about to end the ceremony when disaster struck. The frost giants had invaded and Thor decided he was going to break his father’s command and go to Jotunheim to teach them a lesson. As his brother, Loki decided to go with him. You were panicking and imagining the worst case scenario but Loki assured you that he would be fine.

“Y/N you always worry too much. I’ll come back in one piece, I promise.” Loki whispered to you between the golden columns of the palace, out of earshot of the guards.

“You’d better, if you come back in multiple pieces it’ll be harder for me to kick your ass for this.” You retorted, hoping your idle threat would cover up how scared you were. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing Loki to the barren tundra of Jotunheim.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, they somehow did. You were waiting with the Queen when Loki returned. You had learned of Thor’s exile to Midgard and you were terrified as to what this meant for the realm. Before you could even fully wrap your head around that, Odin had fallen into the Odinsleep and Loki was crowned as king of Asgard.

You were pacing around in the hallway outside of Loki’s chambers, itching to knock on the door but not sure what to say or do once granted entrance. Do you bow to him now? Congratulate him? That seemed inappropriate. Finally gathering your courage you knocked on the door but found there was no answer. That was odd, there was light coming from the other side of the door so you knew Loki was inside. You knocked again but yet still no answer came. Before you could think too much about it, you opened the door into Loki’s chamber.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting to see but the sight you were met with wasn’t it. Loki sat crumpled up in the corner of his once pristine room. It looked as if a tornado had come though and destroyed everything. Books were torn to pieces, furniture was broken, clothes and drapes were strewn across the room and the only sound came from Loki’s gentle sobbing in the corner. You instinctively ran over to him and crouched down on the ground so you were on his level. You embraced him in your arms and made soft shushing sounds as you slowly rocked him back and forth.

“Loki what’s happened, what is it?” You implored. You’ve seen him upset before but this was something different. He wasn’t upset, he was devastated and broken.

He pulled away from your embrace and you tried not to give in to the disappointment you felt at his lack of presence. He looked up at you with disheveled, matted hair. His eyes red and glassy from crying.

“Do you know what it’s like to be lied to your whole life Y/N?” He asked in a voice so harsh yet quiet you had to strain to hear the words he laced together. “To believe one thing and then suddenly find out another.”

“Loki, what are you talking about?” You asked in a soothing tone. You could feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes, Loki’s current state scaring you.

“My whole life has been a lie. All these years I’ve been nothing but a pawn in Odin’s twisted game.” He seethed, his voice lacing with venom at the mention of the Allfather.

“I don’t understand.” You replied, still dumbfounded.

Suddenly, Loki’s skin began to shift and change. Where his skin was once ivory and brilliant it turned a deadly shade of deep blue. The forest green eyes you spent countless hours staring into shifted into a dark crimson. All over his body were heightened ridges.

“I’m a Jotun Y/N!” Loki practically yelled, not at you but at the empty night air. “This is why father always favored Thor over me, because he could never have a frost giant abomination sitting on the throne of Asgard.” Loki roared. In his rage, more objects combusted in the room.

You know you should’ve had a strong reaction to this. Any logical or sane person would. They would run screaming straight out of the now King’s quarters. But you weren’t most people. You had been in love with this man since you were children. You had seen him through the highest of highs and now the lowest of lows. How could you abandon him after all you had been through together? Loki was the only person that understood you. You loved him for him, his true heritage didn’t change that. He was still Loki.

He seemed to realize that his rampage and blue form hadn’t scared you off. “Why are you still here? I-I’m a monster.” He trembled as he said the words.

As an answer to his question, you crawled the space between the two of you and feeling particularly brave and high off the moment, you climbed into his lap. You looped your arms around his neck and with a small smile on your lips told him your true feelings for him. As you rattled on and on about your constant devotion and love for this man small tears made their way down your face. Not tears of sadness, but tears of letting go. You knew that after this moment nothing would be the same. But somehow you knew Loki needed to hear this and he needed to hear it now. As you brushed a stray onyx lock of hair behind his deep blue ear, you told him that even though it felt like he was alone now, he wasn’t truly. You would always be there for him, because you loved him unconditionally.

I could make you happy make your dreams come true. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do. Go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love.

With a mouth wet from tears, you slowly leaned in and kissed Loki for the first time. It took him a second but he responded by wrapping his arms around you and gently kissing you back.

To make you feel my love.

Tags: @lokixme @drakesfiance

[meanderfall]

thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.) 

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)

[sammy0927]

Official playlist for Only You:Teen Wolf Rewrite!! :)

Hey Guys! I am finally going to be posting chapter one of my Teen Wolf rewrite tonight or tomorrow . :) I am so sorry it has taken so long, I literally work everyday, all day. Here if the playlist that I suggest you listen to while you read my rewrite. Thank you guys so much! 

Plain Jane by A$AP Ferg 

Shabba by A$AP Ferg 

Never Close Our Eyes by Adam Lambert 

Set Fire to the Rain by Adele 

Burn the House Down by AJR

Weak by AJR

Let Me Down Slowly by Alec Benjamin

I’m Yours by Alessia Cara 

Missing You by All Time Low 

Fear To Feel by Alvarez Kings 

I Found by Amber Run 

Greedy by Ariana Grande 

Hands On Me by Ariana Grande 

Someone To You by BANNERS 

Mine by Bazzi

That’s It by Bebe Rexha 

Can’t Get Enough by Becky G.

Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncé

you should see me in a crown by Billie Eilish

lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid

River by Bishop Briggs

Sodium by BONES

Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab

Drip by Cardi B

Ring by Cardi B

Sex by Cheat Codes 

Only You by Cheat Codes

Sirens by Cher Lloyd 

Human by Cher Lloyd 

Sweet Despair by Cher Lloyd

X by Chris Brown 

Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera

Arms by Christina Perri

New by Daya

G.O.A.T. by Eric Bellinger 

Lifer by Florida Georgia Line 

Heatwave by Florida Georgia Line 

Talk You Out of It by Florida Georgia Line

Lighthouse by G.R.L.

You Don’t Own Me by Grace 

Eyes Closed by Halsey 

Don’t Play by Halsey 

Gotta Let Go by Hollywood Undead 

That’s Me Right There by Jasmine V

Instruction by Jax Jones

Singles You Up by Jordan Davis

FurtureSex/LoveSound by Justin Timberlake 

Say Something by Justin Timberlake

Heaven by Kane Brown

Dark Horse by Katy Perry 

LOVE by Kendrick Lamar

King’s Dead by Kendrick Lamar

Woman by Kesha 

Brother by Kodaline

Playinwitme by KYLE

Teeth by Lady Gaga 

I Like Me Better by Lauv 

Boy by Lee Brice 

Molly by Lil Dicky 

Esskeetit by Lil Pump

Summer Fever by Little Big Town 

Secret Love Song by Little Mix

Lightning by Little Mix

Power by Little Mix

Freak by Little Mix

See Me Now by Little Mix

Everybody by Logic

Most People Are Good by Luke Bryan 

Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco and Guy Sebastian 

HeartLess by Madison Beer 

Dead by Madison Beer 

Say It to My Face by Madison Beer 

Powerful by Major Lazer 

Girls Like You by Maroon 5

Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5

Silence by Marshmello

There for You by Martin Garrix 

Lights Down Low by MAX

Pacify Her by Melanie Martinez

Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez

Gingerbread Man by Melanie Martinez 

Lose Control by Missy Elliot 

Let It Bump by Missy Elliot 

Gossip Folks by Missy Elliot 

Break You Hard by Natalia Kills 

Problem by Natalia Kills 

Rabbit Hole by Natalia Kills 

No One’s Here To Sleep by Naughty Boy 

Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE

Outcast by NF

Lie by NF

Beautiful Sinner by Nicki Minaj 

Buy a Heart by Nicki Minaj 

Bed by Nicki Minaj

I Wanna Know by NOTD

What About Us by Pink 

This Is Gospel by Panic At The Disco 

Movements by Pham 

Ball For Me by Post Malone 

Going to Hell by The Pretty Reckless 

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless

I Don’t Need a Man by The Pussycat Dolls 

Diamonds by Rihanna 

What Now by Rihanna

No Lie by Sean Paul 

Wolves by Selena Gomez and Marshmello

All My Friends by Snakehips 

The Last Time by Taylor Swift 

Dysfunctional by Tech N9ne 

Fairly Local by Twenty One Pilots 

Home by Machine Gun Kelly 

Capital Letters by Hailee Steinfeld 

Who Are You, Really? by Mikky Ekko 

Run Boy Run by Woodkid 

Iron by Woodkid 

Never Forget You by Zara Larsson 

Born Ready by Zayde Wolf 

Jet Black Heart by 5SOS

I Miss You by 5SOS

Youngblood by 5SOS

Want You Back by 5SOS

Love Lies by Khalid 

@supernaturallover2002 @deansimpalaqueen @southsiderepresent @cutiepiemimi13 

[adelmortescryche]

Even if the Body is Hollow//The Notes Ring True

Title: Even if the Body is Hollow//The Notes Ring True 

Author: Adel Mortescryche

Rating: T

Pairing: Belphegor/Gokudera Hayato

Prompt: Soulmate AU and Body Disposal

Tags/Warnings: Dead bodies handled irreverently? It is following the prompt of Body Disposal, after all. 

Summary:  Bel's just minding his business, out on a walk to scope out the Vongola Main House's security.The last thing he expected was to stumble across Gokudera Hayato in the process of digging a grave.

AO3 Link: Here.

My Masterlist: Here.

AN: Written for @khrrarepairweek 2018 - Storm Day (Day One). 

It’s an odd sight that Bel walks in on, when he’s out strolling at night. Possibly not as weird as it could have been, seeing as he’d taken the Vongola Decimo up on his kind offer and decided to stay the night, after bringing a message in from the Boss. But definitely weird.

The fake-Decimo’s precious Storm brat was digging. In the gardens out back. Well, they were more like a mini-forest at this point, which was either good or bad when you started thinking about security but- Bel wouldn’t have been quite so surprised if he’d seen this happening at the Compound. See, the Compound had plenty of secret body drop sites hidden away through its grounds. And in the actual building, too.

…it probably made sense that the Vongola Estate had its own hideaways for dead bodies, but it was so strange to really think about it. The Boss’ old man did a pretty good job of acting like he was as pure as a baby’s freshly powdered bottom, so it was easy to think that the Estate wasn’t as drenched in blood as the rest of them. The Prince probably shouldn’t let himself be swayed by pretty pictures so easily, but he couldn’t help himself. The Estate had never been Varia Quality - it’s why they had the Varia at all. The cowards.

It didn’t take too much effort for Bel to get into the trees and stealthily climb over to where Smoking Bomb was digging. The body was just sitting there, keeled over on the mud, and the brat was huffing with exertion, a clear sheen of sweat visible on his forehead and neck, the back of his shirt just beginning to get soaked through. He didn’t even notice Bel sneak up on him in the trees. Pathetic.

Then again, Bel was royalty. And Varia Quality, to boot. It made sense if the brat couldn’t sense him.

“A nameless grave? Couldn’t you be more creative? Not that I’d expect any better from someone as plebian as you, ushishishishishi!”

Well, at least the brat was fast. Bel didn’t even finish talking before he had that skull shaped box weapon of the brat’s pointed straight at him. Not bad. Still too slow, Bel could have ripped him to shreds a dozen times over by now, but it was nighttime and the brat was in what should be a safe space for him. The Prince could be lenient. Sometimes.

They stared each other down for a long second before the brat grunted, and lowered his hand.

“Oh, it’s just you. Shut up and let me get done with this digging, will you, I need to be back at the Mansion before Juudaime notices I’m gone.”

With how often the Smoking Bomb showed up to wag his tail in a day, the Decimo’d probably missed him already. Bel hummed under his breath, his lips parting in a wide grin while he surveyed the brat with a sharp gaze from behind the cover of his fringe.

Interesting. The brat was being cage-y.

“Well, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to get back to digging. I’m nowhere near done get yet,” Gokudera bit out, and Bel just had to drop down into a lower branch for that, watching as Gokudera turned his attention back to the ground.

“It’s not like you actually need six feet. It’s on Vongola grounds too. The Prince certainly wouldn’t bother. That said,” Bel’s grin abruptly turned sharper, “The Prince wouldn’t bother with unmarked graves. So boring. There are so many better ways to dispose of waste.”

The other teen actually paused for a second at that, shovel buried partway in the dirt. Bel continued to watch him, waiting for a reaction. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t the verbal - or possibly literal, one could never tell with the Smoking Bomb - explosion he’d been expecting.

Instead, it was a harsh laugh, and a nastily amused smile turned his way, before Gokudera just got back to work. Bel found himself blinking in actual surprise, his grin slipping just a bit, and for a split second, he was tempted to hop down and explore the matter at closer quarters. Gokudera spoke up before he could, though, so Bel paused to listen.

“While I might usually agree with you, this is probably the cleanest way to get rid of this one. And an unmarked grave is all this bastard deserves - I was nice enough to warn him away the last time his Famiglia attempted a hit on Juudaime. Not my problem if he didn’t take the warning to heart.”

Bel blinked some more, and gave a snort of laughter, unable to contain it. Now here was a familiar reaction - the shark was just as prickly about anyone messing with the Boss. Or trying to, anyway. Not much could get past the Varia inner circle. And the little that did could rarely even ruffle the feathers in the Boss’ hair. So anyone trying, and inevitably failing, was worth a good laugh on all their parts, the shark included. But the rare instances on which anyone got closer than expected, oh, those were the times Squalo laughed the loudest and also got the prickliest about in the aftermath.

You’d think that would be a Rain characteristic, but no, it looked like it was just a Right Hand characteristic.

“I’m surprised the idiot’s still in one piece, ushishishishishi!” Bel declared cheerfully, settling in on his branch. Because this was fun. Who knew his survey of the Vongola Estate’s security would end in something as interesting as this. The brat had mostly seemed like a joke, with the squalling and the tail wagging, but this version felt more like a person worth talking to. At least until he went back to the puppy-ish behavior, anyway. The Prince couldn’t be fooled so easily - the slobbering was no façade.

But apparently, neither was this.

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t use any of my dynamite on this one. Didn’t feel like it was worth wasting my munition on him. I mean, sure, there’s some shrapnel bombs that I got a hold of recently that could have been fun, but those things are a pain to clean up after, or hide, and Juudaime’s better off not knowing about this. He’s never happy when the baseball idiot and I clean up after the assholes sniffing around the Estate, trying to lay a hand on him.”

Bel swung his legs while thinking it over, finally humming thoughtfully, shooting another wide grin at Gokudera’s downturned head.

“But that would have ended in lots of small bits! Which is where your dynamite would have ended up too. That too hard to clean up after for you?”

“Nah, the Estate has enough dogs to feed, I could have handled it without anyone being the wiser. But it didn’t end in little bits and I’m in no mood to try and saw him down to size, so-”

Bel couldn’t help it. He actually cackled out loud, nearly tumbling right off of his branch. Gokudera frowned up at him, obviously confused, but Bel just waved the expression away. There were times even a Prince could be caught off guard, and this was one of them.

So the fake-Decimo’s guardians could be ruthless when necessary too! He vaguely remembered this one earning his Smoking Bomb nom-de-guerre because of Ballistics expertise, having a short fuse and also insisting on using only bombs in his hits. Inconvenient, but it looked like he could handle himself in a fight without his bombs too. Another careful glance at the body made it obvious that the neck was twisted in an odd angle - fascinating. Took the assassin’s attack that personally, did he.

Well. It was a hit on his precious ‘Juudaime’. If anything could trip past the otherwise puppy-ish teen’s morality barriers, that would probably be it.

“Need any help?” Bel found himself offering, in spite of himself. The Prince rarely felt the urge to be companionable, but he could consider giving a fellow Storm a hand on a late night. Especially when he’d already been so entertaining.

Gokudera shot him a strange look, looking like he couldn’t believe his ears, but he abruptly snorted and straightened, leaning his weight on the shovel still stuck in the ground.

“Sure, why the hell not. Knock yourself out.”

Bel beamed at him, and hopped out of his tree, nimbly landing in a crouch, standing up right after. He impatiently waved his hand for the shovel when Gokudera just continued to stare at him strangely.

“C’mon, hand it over, we don’t have all night,” Bel said, and the brat blinked, wordlessly pushing the handle in Bel’s direction before shuffling backwards, digging through his pockets.

Bel pushed his sleeves back before getting to work, noting the flick and click of a lighter behind him. Ah. That was more in character. The Smoking Bomb, digging unmarked graves and not even sparing any breath for a smoke? He’d have accused the brat of being a pod person if he didn’t want to avoid a louder explosion. Sure, it’d be funny, but it would also be a waste of time and would get him in bed late. And would probably draw disappointed looks from both Sawada and Lussuria-nee.

So, instead, Bel just focused on the digging he’d offered to do, enjoying the companionable silence he’d found himself in. Bel didn’t always volunteer to do busy work, it was a mix of boring and tiring, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have the stamina for it. Strength training in the Varia had ensured that he had the muscle for mundane physical activity. The smell of nicotine in the night air was oddly relaxing. The smell reminded him of the Compound – there were enough kids there that everyone mixed their vices at some point or the other. Whether or not Lussuria-nee approved.

“…so. Any particular reason you were wandering about at night like a creep?”

Bel laughed at the question, and shot a grin over his shoulder at the other teen. Gokudera was leaning against a tree, slouching with his arms crossed and face tilted sullenly at the ground, his cigarette dangling loosely from his lips. Bel might almost have believed the image that slouch was painting if it weren’t for the fact that Gokudera’s light green eyes were as sharp as shards of glass in his head, focused straight on Bel’s back, regardless of how he’d arranged himself to look. It wasn’t the bombs that were Sawada’s Right Hand’s most dangerous weapon, after all.

“Would you believe me if I said I just wanted some air?” Bel replied, coy.

Gokudera snorted, his eyes glinting in mild amusement. Bel shrugged, turning back around.

“I thought not. Don’t worry your big head over it, Smoking Bomb, I wasn’t up to anything nefarious. Just bored.”

He didn’t get any response to that, Gokudera still clearly suspicious, but Bel paid him no mind. It probably made him a better Right Hand if he was paranoid, anyway, and for all that Sawada was a bleeding heart and a pathetic choice compared to the Boss, he was still Decimo.

They remained silent until Gokudera ran through some more cigarettes before finally stepping forward.

“Okay, think you’ve managed another half foot, let me take over again.”

“Sure. I can dig some more, I’m no weakling, ushishishishi! But if you want to switch, I can do that too.”

“Somehow, that sounds a lot less innocent than the actual words you just sai-” Gokudera broke off with a sudden choking sound that had Bel immediately tightening one hand on the shovel, the other automatically reaching for his knives.

He couldn’t sense anything untoward around them, though. The bugs were buzzing as usual, the breeze rustling through the leaves the exact same it had been a moment ago. The soft hoot of an owl somewhere near by sounded off, and no, nothing and no one dangerous anywhere near them.

When Bel turned back to the other teen, eyes narrowed behind his fringe, it was to find him staring at Bel’s forearms, a little paler than he’d been before.

Taking in what the Smoking Bomb had been staring at, Bel wasn’t sure if he should be defensive or amused. The musical score scrolling up his right arm is something that’s part and parcel of him, much like anyone else’s soulmark would be. The stare makes him want to ask if Gokudera had never seen a soulmark before. Or if he’d somehow assumed that Bel wouldn’t have one, like some of the slower Varia recruits had done before he’d taken them to task. After that the whispers only increased, but the reasoning behind them was different. He was fine being called inhuman and soulless, but only if that went hand in hand with his prowess with his blades. Or at murdering people.

Bel knew what he was good at, okay. He didn’t have to be humble about it.

“Yay or nay, digging or no?” Bel asked abruptly, tempted to drag his sleeves back down, but no, that would make it obvious that the brat had made him uncomfortable.

And they didn’t need that. They’d been having a nice night until Gokudera had started staring at his soulmark. There’d be hell to pay if he drew blood while spending the night at the Vongola Estate at the pleasure of the fake-Decimo. No matter how much he claimed that the ass deserved it, he wouldn’t be taken at his word. He never was.

“That’s… Für Elise, isn’t it.” Gokudera asked carefully.

“Why, I do believe that’s none of your business, Gokudera-kun!” Bel said cheerfully, his grin going toothy and sharp in a way that had everything to do with the instincts that were telling him to tear the other teen’s throat out at the jugular.

Oddly enough, his reaction didn’t even make Gokudera flinch. If anything, it made him calm down. Of course, when he lifted a hand, as though to reach out, Bel dropped the shovel, going for a knife anyway. Enemies didn’t just have to be the ones you couldn’t see. And at the moment, the Smoking Bomb was looking to be a bigger threat than any idle outsiders that might have found their way onto the Vongola Estate grounds.

To his credit, Gokudera paused in place immediately, hand going still. And then, strangely enough, he went for the medical tapes he had wrapped around his own neck instead. Bel’s eyes went narrower still, wary in spite of the blade in his hands. They hadn’t worked once before against this particular individual, after all.

And then, the tapes were carefully tugged out of the way and Bel abruptly understood why Gokudera had reacted the way he had. The sight of the musical score on the Smoking Bomb’s bare skin made the breath catch in Bel’s throat. The Prince was a genius, he’d been trained in the classical arts even as a small child before he’d decided to slaughter his unworthy family, and reading music was an art that came easily to him, even after all the years that lay between him the musical lessons of his youth. But he suspected he’d have recognized the score written across Gokudera’s neck even if he’d never trained in the arts.

“Moonlight Sonata,” Bel said, sotto voce, “Third Movement,” and Gokudera nodded, eyes not leaving his own.

Well. Of all things he thought he would bond over with his soulmate, fucking Beethoven wasn’t it. He was supposed to be in the Mafia now, right. And Gokudera was a plebian. Beethoven?

“My mother was a pianist,” Gokudera said, voice quiet. Maybe a little blank.

“Ah. I studied music, as a child. I always did enjoy the more violent pieces.” Bel responded, feeling a little blank himself. He’d just been out on a walk. The fake-Decimo’s Right Hand was supposed to be a momentary diversion before Bel got back to checking out the security so he could report back to the Boss when he headed back to the Compound. What the hell.

What the hell.

“Back to digging?” Gokudera offered, the suggestion cutting through the awkward silence that had fallen.

“Yes. Please.” Bel grunted, even if princes didn’t grunt, and stepped back, letting Gokudera step forward to pick up the shovel.

They remained in silence for the rest of the chore, trading off whenever one of them decided they’d had enough of the digging. The corpse continued to lay keeled over pathetically on its side, smelling worse the longer they left it to lie there. Bel wondered out loud if they shouldn’t cut it up anyway, may be hide the bits across the grounds, but Gokudera rolled his eyes and insisted that it wasn’t worth that much effort.

So Bel let it be. They had enough to think about between themselves, anyway.

Soulmarks always were a touchy topic. No one really knew how to address the issue, and if by chance you did wind up meeting the person on the other side of your mark, how were you supposed to know if they were a romantic prospect? Whether or not they were an enemy instead? What happened when it turned out the mate to your soul was a family member, or somehow turned out to be something that wasn’t human at all.

The mate to Bel’s mark, cotton tapes still loose around his neck, had gone from distantly amused to plain distant in the time it took for them dig a hole deep enough that the man could be dropped in with little chances of him being unearthed. By the time they were done refilling the hole with mud, the sky as beginning to lighten, they were both sweaty, grimy and in no mood to continue talking about what they’d discovered over the course of the night.

They barely glanced at each other while making their way back to the mansion, though Bel couldn’t help the glances he kept darting at the score still starkly visible against Gokudera’s pale skin. A passing thought about just how far the mark went down occurred to Bel, if only because he knew the score on his arm went all the way up till his shoulder. He still remembered the medical tapes that Gokudera had all but covered himself in on the day of the battle for the storm ring.  

They’d only just reached the end of the path they’d been following, still under the cover of the trees with the mansion looming in the distance, when Gokudera suddenly stopped in place. When he turned around, his expression looked set, as if he’d steeled himself to do something. Bel came to a stop a few steps behind him, smile pasted in place almost in self-defense.

“You wanna-?”

“I want to what, brat.” Bel bit out, lips twitching wider, and Gokudera had the gall to roll his eyes, taking a step closer. Bel nearly took a step back in reflex and hated himself just a little for it. The reflex seemed like it would have been a good one to follow when Gokudera reached out with an open hand again.

“Hey, look, no bombs,” he said when Bel went for his knives again, voice dry, even wriggling his fingers as if to demonstrate the statement.

“I can see that, thank you,” Bel threw at him as a rejoinder, still trying to figure out whether leaping away would make a coward of him or not, when Gokudera’s fingers carefully pressed up against the line of Bel’s jaw. The sensation made his throat lock up in surprise.

Gokudera’s pale gaze was as wary as ever, in the half light of dawn, but somehow it was also curious, and oh. That was somehow unexpected, even after a night filled with so many other unexpected events.

“You wanna?” he repeated, awkward, and Bel found himself tilting his face into the silken-yet-rough touch of the bomber’s fingertips.

The way Gokudera’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed was a revelation in itself, as was the movement of the thin black lines against his skin.

“Okay,” he muttered, taking another careful step forward, licking his lips nervously even while Bel reached out to tangle his fingers in the loose tapes around Gokudera’s throat, gently tugging him closer. “Okay then.”

The careful press of the other teen’s mouth against his didn’t capture his attention as much as the raw sensation that sparked through his fingers when they glanced against the score on Gokudera’s skin. It earned him a dry, choked sound against his lips, and the next thing he knew, there was a hand grappling against his right forearm, tugging roughly at his sleeve. He couldn’t even find it in himself to protest, not when his left hand was aching, the pull of it throbbing in time with the heartbeat ringing in his ears. Bel’s mouth opened on a deep groan when Gokudera’s fingers finally reached the score written on his arm, allowing himself to be walked backwards into a tree only because it felt like his limbs were bleeding molten gold.

By the time Gokudera actually pulled away, they were both panting for breath, lips swollen and wet, and skin aching over their marks.

“Holy Shit,” Gokudera breathed, leaning heavily against him.

“Shut the fuck up and get back here,” Bel complained, hand tightening on Gokudera’s nape and reeling him back in. The teen complied with a surprised laugh.

“We should probably talk about this, at some point,” Gokudera commented, much later, once they were actually back at the mansion and safely behind closed doors in the Main Famiglia’s wing.

“Probably,” Bel agreed, the making out they’d indulged in having cleared the awkwardness to some extent, but not enough that it had made the situation seem any more normal than it had been, before. “Maybe run some missions with me? You’re clearly less squeamish than the Prince thought you were, before.”

“Hey, I’m plenty squeamish,” Gokudera warned, a grin tugging at his freshly reddened mouth, “Especially if you planning on trying any really messy methods to dispose of ‘waste’, as you put it. But hell, why not.”

Apparently sexual congress left the bomber calmer, loose-limbed and more open-minded. Not something he’d expected, that. Even with the well-known knowledge that Gokudera Hayato had gotten around quite a bit in his earlier teenage days. Bel gave a grin of his own, carefully turning the thought over in his head. They’d have to talk about this with their Bosses, wouldn’t they; Bel would definitely have to. If not with the Boss, then at least with Squalo, to head the discussion off at the pass because it would come up the next time he had to hand in a report about how his missions had gone. And who the fuck knew how Sawada dealt with missions amongst his Guardians. Maybe they got together to chat over tea and crumpets, the bleeding hearts that they were.

The Cloud excluded, of course. That one would probably be just as home amongst the Varia, and Bel didn’t hand out compliments like that lightly.

“Missions it is, then. Maybe I’ll mention it to Sawada in the morning,” he offered pleasantly, not planning to do anything of the sort until he actually spoke to the Boss about it. It did lend an amusingly horrified slant to the expression on Gokudera’s face at least.

Bel leaned in to taste the slackened line of Gokudera’s lips, laughing just a bit when Gokudera didn’t even hesitate to tug him closer.

Yes, this would be interesting.

[good-enemy]

HI THIS IS MRS. CLAUS!! 🤶🏾🤶🏾 just kidding haha (or should i say hohoho 👀, but keep guessing bestie (besides, mrs. claus being secret santa is a little on the nose isn't it)

i hope you're having an amazing day today!!

so, my question for today is, which are your favourite artists/genres other than taylor swift?? and as a bonus, how did you discover your favourite one!?

can't wait to talk to you more!! so until then

-🤶🏾✨

p.s. OFC SANTA IS REAL!! despite not being a christmas celebrator, i won't accept anything else /j

I mean santa is just some guy, he's not as far fetched as the easter bunny 🤷‍♀️ lmao

Okok so my favourite artist of all time is gabrielle aplin & has been since I was likeee 11? 12? I've seen her live 3 times and met her in Jan 2020 she's so lovely 🥺 you could not ask me to pick a favourite song, I can't even pick a favourite album 😂 some favs include my mistake, what did you do, keep on walking, salvation, please don't say you love me, coming home, losing me, actually this is too hard its just all of them lmao I discovered her when I heard please don't say you love me for the first time and decided it was my new mega super favourite song and then realised she was the same person from the 2012 John Lewis Christmas advert who sang the power of love and I was like omg obsessed so I downloaded English rain (her debut album) and all her EPs and yea it's all gone from there I love her

I have a few favourite bands but my favourite is pvris ✨ everyone always complains thst white noise was their best album and the new stuff keeps getting worse but they're wrong every album has been even better than the last sorry white noise 🤣 I'm going to see them next year! :D I hope they play half bc it's my favourite but they probably won't :(

Other favourite bands areee against the current (fever is BANGING), green day (I wanted to see them live but it was like £60 for the furthest away ticket :| uno is an underrated and unfairly hated on masterpiece), my chemical romance (I miss them :( more mcr songs in tua pls), fall out boy (literally half of mania got into my Spotify wrapped so true of me), old p!atd/the young veins (Ryan ross <333), paramore (after laughter was a cultural reset) & they're p small and only have like 4 songs but Clementine <3 maybe I'm biased bc I know them personally but their EP fucks, also bring me the horizon but only like 2 albums (sempiternal and that's the spirit)

As for other solo artists I'm super obsessed w stromae and I'm so glad he dropped a new song right when we all needed him thank u king stream santé for clear skin and all that, also mika >>> man never misses, christina perri! I miss her, lovestrong was my age groups childhood. Adele!!! 21 is still the best album sorry 30.. ik I already said mcr but gerard way/hesitant alien = god tier, I am going 2 stop the running commentary now because this is getting messy, halsey, hozier, lorde, marina, olivia rodrigo, billie eilish, pink, Rebecca ferguson, lady gaga, Harry styles & maisie Peters

I also love kpop! My favourites are loona, twice, red velvet, blackpink, mamamoo, clc, weeekly, pixy, cherry bullet, itzy, everglow, cignature, purple kiss, stayc, redsquare, secret number, bvndit, rocket punch, z-stars, iz*one, fromis_9, (g)i-dle, dreamcatcher, weki meki, ioi, cosmic girls, aespa, oh my girl, miss a, exid, apink, good day, chungha, sunmi, Natty, somi, bibi, ha:tfelt, hyuna, taeyeon, iu, bts, txt, got7, kard, dpr live/dpr ian & taemin.. I think that's it lmao I've been really behind on keeping up with new music this year though and there are so many kpop groups that have new releases so often that I have a playlist of songs i forgot to lisyen to when they came out and its like 80% kpop 💀 & for other groups that aren't bands I rlly love little mix <3 without jesy <3

Specific albums that I love even tho I don't particularly listen to the rest of the artists music: jagged little pill by Alanis morissette & hot fuss by the killers

Specific songs that I love but I haven't listened to thr artists other music enough to have a solidified opinion yet: i wanna be your slave by måneskin & shatter in the night by vesperteen