#literally all of his lines that I memorized in order

[graveyardcuddles]

The early stages of Astarion's romance as he's just beginning to fall for the player are so precious to me. There are so many lovely scenes/moments with Astarion's romance throughout the game that it's really hard to pick a favorite. Obviously, the final romance scene in the graveyard is incredibly beautiful and makes me weep, and the conversation you have with him after defending him from Araj is brilliant.

But honestly, the one scene I keep rotating in my head, even months post game release, is the scene where he propositions you for the second time. I love how it's both incredibly angsty and also painfully sweet to me? I love the silly flirting he does, I love the fake-ass manipulative "I love you," he give you (that might have made me a lil mad first time I played). And I especially love how much you can read between the lines in those moments. Personally, I'm a big believer that Astarion definitely has at least a bit of crush on the player at this point, if not already actively falling for them. The "I love you" might not have been 100% real in the moment, but his responses for when you both accept and reject his offer are very telling.

A lot has been said about how he seems to be genuinely disappointed when you turn him down the second time. And I think he is a bit disappointed, has a bit of a hurt ego probably. But mostly he seems very self-reflective. He mentions how he got on his back so many times for so many people and none of it was memorable or enjoyable, unlike with you. That's such a vulnerable thing to admit, something that he doesn't necessarily need to confess to Tav in order to manipulate them. It's like he's trying to grapple with the feelings himself. That subtle pause and look in his eyes right after he wishes us goodnight? He wants to connect with us in a non-sexual way SO BADLY but just can't feel safe enough to at this point.

When you accept his offer, he plays it off cool at first. But I love how right before the fade to black he says: "There you are. Now you're all mine and I'm all yours...At least until morning." He's literally thinking about how long you two can have this time alone together. And his cute little "Let’s see where the night takes us~" with this little happy sway and smile he does it's like...he's so eager to just have this time with us. He might still be trying to "seduce" and manipulate our feelings at this point, but he's so obviously just happy to be spending time with his favorite person.

The feelings were complex and obviously may have felt tainted by his plan, but I feel like it's all a part of him learning to enjoy intimacy again. Which eventually leads to him learning to enjoy non-sexual intimacy with his partner in Act II and III. Idk I just think watching all the stages of him falling in love and learning to be worthy of love is so neat.

[dwaekkicidal]

𓆩Mochi Boyfriend Channie𓆪

gn!reader | he was top of the poll :3 Lix's will be posted tomorrow and then I will only make more if somebody requests other member versions <3

Mochi Channie who introduces you to the boys pretty early on, mainly because they begged to meet their new parent but also because they are his whole life, so it's important to him that you all get along. Their opinion is important to him so when they all approve of you instantly (and you handle them well), he’s through the roof

Mochi Channie who is shy about skinship, especially in front of the others, but will tank through it just to see the smile and blush covering your face (as if his ears aren't bright red)

Mochi Channie who encourages you to allow him to spoil you and eases you into it with smaller things like buying you small snacks, then ordering your favorite food after you’ve had a long day and showing up unannounced with it and your favorite treats, then finally will ease you into accepting brand name jewelry/clothes or any gifts that are generally expensive/valuable

Mochi Channie who puts everything (that he can) on pause to answer your texts and calls, even cutting himself off mid sentence when he sees your contact show up with a distressed message

Mochi Channie who calls you every morning and night when he's on tour, even when he's exhausted and doesn't want to do any talking. He'll sit there and listen to you talk about your day and falls asleep to the sound of your voice and the comfort of seeing you beside him once again

Mochi Channie who gives you secret sneak peeks into their latest endeavors, 1. so you know what he is doing at all times and 2. so he can see your eyes sparkle at events you find particularly interesting

Mochi Channie who gives you sneak peaks into songs like he did in Chan's room, only giving you a second or so of noise and then being a tease and leaving you hanging

Mochi Channie who, if you puppy dog eye him at a particular demo that sounds interesting, literally can not resist you and will show you as much of the song as you want/as he is comfortable with

Mochi Channie who, over time, opens up more and will eventually start taking your compliments to heart (Christopher you WILL love urself. 🔫<3)

Mochi Channie who is a fast learner: memorizes every little thing about you within a week of figuring out. New favorite food or drink? Knows the exact order and your preferred store of purchase. New favorite song or movie? Always plays it whenever he can.

Mochi Channie who indirectly asks stay for opinions on gifts for you. Goes on Bubble to send a picture of some items and a message along the lines of "Which do you want? haha." he reads through the replies and tallies them, using the final count to make a decision

Mochi Channie who may be inexperienced at first, but again is a very fast learner. So much so that by the 3rd or 4th time you guys are having sex, he knows your body to the same degree as, if not better, than you

Mochi Channie who has every spot that makes you squirm, every angle that makes you cry out, and every kink that makes your legs weak engrained in his head

Mochi Channie who won’t hesitate to fulfill your needs of him being rougher. also not hesitating to sit you down to discuss specifics and put rules in space

Mochi Channie who researches new positions, trying the most interesting out in order to figure out which one feels the best and has you shaking the fastest

Mochi Channie who gives you whiplash the first time he's rough with you. He wine and dines you while being his usual soft and lovey dovey self.. until he's not

Daddy Chris who pins you to the front door the second it's closed, pushing his thick lips against yours in a sloppy make out session

Daddy Chris who spends over an hour on just foreplay (mainly edging hehe), wanting things to be perfect and wanting you to be as relaxed as possible before he loses control

Daddy Chris who eases himself into you gently, like he normally does, but gives you whiplash when he starts to fuck into you meanly

Daddy Chris who "You asked for it, so just fucking take it. You promised you would be good for me, remember baby?"

Daddy Chris who does nothing but smirk and thrust harder when you cry out about how good he feels and how close you are despite the fact that he just started fucking into you

Daddy Chris who likes to put you in doggy so he can sneak a hand in your hair to pull you back-to-chest with him, giving him free rein to whisper filthy things in your ear while keeping you close

Daddy Chris who goes back and forth with his words. One second telling you things like how “You’re doing so good for me, baby. Taking me so well” and the next second saying things like “Aww it's too much? Good. Take this fucking dick, baby. It's made just for you."

Daddy Chris who pulls as many orgasms from you as he can before he's finished, sweet talking you through every. single. one. so he can watch you squirm below him with the biggest smirk on his face

Daddy Chris who only ends the night after you're overstimulated out your mind, tears running down your face and drool sliding down your chin

Daddy Chris who cleans you up, pressing sweet kisses to your temple and whispering soothing words to calm you down. He holds you close in the shower and at first just lets the hot water fall onto your skin before he washes you both

Mochi Channie who goes on like normal the next day, as if he didn't fuck you within an inch of your life the night before

Mochi Channie who still gets red in the face when you two show any skinship in front of the boys, but is more confident now that he realizes how deep in you both are <3

[seungfl0wer]

Hopeless romantic: Soft/Hard Hyunjin Thoughts

-🩵

Inspired while listening to ‘Hey You’ by Hyunjin🥺 literally one of my favorite songs

He really just loves you. You’re quite literally all he thinks about. He finds such happiness in just being near you. Needs to be touching you in some sort of way. Holding hands, touching your thigh, holding you by the waist. Anything. He gives you the sweetest most loving kisses. They’re passionate, intimate the way he places his hand on your cheek rubbing his thumb over it.

He loves to sweet talk you constantly. Always gives you so much reassurance. “You’re the love of my life” “You look so perfect baby” “I’m so lucky to have an amazing partner like you”

Gives you really meaningful gifts, and probably has a list about your likes or stuff you want so he can surprise you. Definitely paints beautiful pictures for you and just melts at how excited you constantly get about them. The praise you give him has him on cloud 9 constantly.

Plans such good dates too. He’s fine with staying home in comfy clothes just ordering take out and watching movies. He’s also fine with taking you to a stunning botanical garden for a picnic. Like I said before you’re really all he thinks about.

Smut below the line

The way he treats you in bed is also just so loving? The way he just wants to hold you close as he fucks you. Arms wrapped around you kissing you passionately. He loves any position he can stare into your gorgeous eyes.

Makes sure he gets you off every time,  memorizes the faces you make as if he’s never gonna see them again. Loves hearing you tell him how well he’s doing.

This man would definitely do the whole rose peddles leading to your room. Would also buy you cute outfits he wants to see you in only for him to gush over how good you look in them. “You’re so stunning, my partner is so good looking and only I can see them.”

The after care with him is full of lots of “you did so well” and “you sure you’re ok my love?” He’s always concerned poor baby. Will hold you close kissing you softly as he runs his fingers across your body.

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

[finn-writes-stuff]

Could I request headcanons for Gale, Halsin, Wyll, and Gortash with touch starved gn s/o?

A Soft Touch

Adventuring to save the world leaves little time for comfort. Yet they provide it anyway.

Gale, Halsin, Wyll & Gortash x Reader

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Format: Headcanons

Gender Neutral Reader

Masterlist

My first bg3 work! Apologies if I don't have their characterization just right yet. - Finn

Gale

You're both so incredibly touch-starved. He has only had the company of his cat ever since he locked himself up in his tower.

He's terribly gentle when he does touch you. As if he expects you to disappear if he grabs you too tight. As if one of you might just shatter.

It's easier for him to touch you through magic. Encounters in the weave, mage hand, anything of the like. It allows him to touch you without feeling so overwhelmed with it.

But once he truly starts touching you regularly, he can't get enough. He'll have you in his arms while he reads, or he'll lay on your lap and speak of magical innovations.

He drinks you in like the magic he needs to live. Knowing that his touch is providing some benefit for you makes him content and satisfied. Gale lives to make you happy and see you smile.

Halsin

Gods, this man gives the most incredible hugs. The only one who compares is Karlach. He's warm and soft and strong and he holds you as though he would never let anything hurt you.

He's quite a tactile person in general. His hand is regularly on your shoulder when he points something out or asks your opinions. If you're comfortable with it, his hand will rest on the small of your back when he walks with you. He likes keeping the point of combat.

Fall asleep in his arms, on his chest. You will never sleep better than this. It will ruin you for any bed ever.

He's quite careful about boundaries. If you are overwhelmed by him touching you so much, he will tone it down and keep it at your pace.

Alternatively, if it's not enough for you, he's always ready to offer a full body massage.

Wyll

Literal king of romance. He is determined to court you properly. His touch always feels like it has intention and awareness to it.

Loves to kiss your knuckles and make eye contact as he does. It feels ridiculously intimate for just a kiss on the hand.

Wyll traces the lines and curves of your face while you relax with him, admiring you and memorizing your features.

Having you close, whether in an embrace or a dance, settles him. He keeps you close as much as you allow it.

If you ask him to hold you, he will stop nearly whatever he is doing in order to do so. Lae'zel makes fun of him for pausing his sparring for it.

Gortash

Oh if he had it his way (And he rarely tolerates anything less), you would never leave his side. You being touch-starved just gives him all the more reason to keep you there.

Enver is possessive in the way he holds you. He will have a portrait commissioned of the two of you with his gauntleted hand settled firmly on your hip.

He's inevitably touch-starved himself, but he's unlikely to admit this. Just allow him to hold you when you fall asleep or he'll be frustrated with everyone in the morning.

Gortash has the ability to pamper you and he takes advantage of it. He'd have you bathe with him in a bath full of expensive soaps and he'll wash your hair. He will also be ridiculously smug for as long as you smell like him afterwards.

[munsster]

i'm so so obsessed with the winter in hawkins series!! i love a loser!steve and the kids pushing the steve x reader agenda

LITERALLY ME TOO! i am so glad u like it. truly nothing and no one compares to poor babygirl loser!steve. and now because i’m crazy, i came up with a billion headcanons for winter in hawkins au.

robin was obviously definitely the first one to notice babygirls longing glances (does that make robin olaf or sven in this situation…)

of course, steve was catching strays from dustin long before but it was all conjecture for like the first month

once robin pinpointed steve’s desperation and utter infatuation with you, she was hooked and intent on finding dumb excuses for the two of you to be alone

aka robin is the WORST instigator and only encourages loser!steve

yes, she thoroughly clowns on him, but her heart says steve x reader ftw

the rest of the kids find out because dustin will. not. shut. up! about it

again, thanks to auntie robin only fanning the flames

(they came up with a group name for their shenanigans: the secret society consisting of everyone who thinks steve is her prince charming OR the prince charming project for short)

(dustin uses the full name every time)

(the main points at meetings include planning your wedding, drawing your future children, and anything anti-brad)

speaking of brad, steve still remembers exactly where he was when you told him you got a new boyfriend

he cried in his car after work that day

robin was in the passenger seat

she cried, too

that was really what spurred loser!steve on

before that, steve was minding his own hopeless romantic business, but the introduction of brad put emphasis on the ‘hopeless’ aspect

honestly, steve’s just glad he still gets to see you every weekend for game night

brad is not invited to game night

you don’t think he’d come even if he was

steve hates brad

regardless of br*d, steve is not shy about complimenting you on anything and everything

sure, it makes him a little blushy thinking about how you’ll react

with that dazzling smile he adores

and yeah, theres a tiny wobble in his voice when he gets your attention

but you don’t seem to notice

and if you do, you don’t seem care

(you always notice, and you think it’s sweet)

“i like your hair like that”

“really? thanks, stevie!”

oh he melts

whenever you compliment him back, he takes diligent notes

one time he wore the same shirt three times in one week just because you mentioned how it complimented his eyes

he also got a big head when you told him his sailor outfit makes him look dashing

sometimes the kids write out lists of really good and not at all embarrassing pick up lines

sometimes these lists suspiciously wind up in steve’s glove box or tip jar

one time a list appeared in his wallet

it’s weird that they practically pickpocketed him but it’s weirder that they had access to his wallet and didn’t take the twenty

robin has a secret scrapbook dedicated to you and steve

it has secret pictures (courtesy of el), ticket stubs, cute stickers, and random receipts

if you couldn’t already tell, everyone is very normal about the situation

steve gets to know you so well that you actually start saying things in tandem

he knows your ice cream order, your coffee order, what temperature you like the thermostat, the name of your first pet

he’s never been good at memorization but it feels so easy knowing it’s all attached to you somehow

he will often bring you random little flowers that seem so small in the palm of his hand

it makes him feel very proud when you tuck them behind your ear

even more so when you let him do it for you

one late summer night, steve hosts a sleepover

OR the kids begged and begged him to either ask you on a date or let everyone use his pool for the night and watch a scary movie and stay up really late and eat junk food

so because he’s a loser, steve hosts a sleepover

and his heart flutters when you show up on his dimly lit doorstep with a gaggle of children behind you

they push past the two of you and barrel straight towards the back door

you warn him, saying you’re pretty sure only two of them brought towels

he chuckles and assures you that they do this every time and he already has a stack set out

you laugh in response and he thinks this is what a heart attack feels like

just imagine how he survived the rest of the night basking in your company and the soft moonlight

you sat next to him during the movie and fell asleep on his shoulder and he swears he’s never been so still

and the movie was really scary

steve wishes brad wasn’t such a dick

especially because he’s made you cry now on a handful of different occasions

steve’s flattered that he’s the first one you call, but he’s heartbroken hearing your choked sobs through the receiver

it’s kind of like a routine the way you always apologize for dumping everything on him and the way he tells you he’d do it any time

for you

at this point, he doesn’t care how desperate he makes himself seem

he really cares about you

steve likes you, and brad could spare a couple teeth

but he knows you love brad blahblahblah que sera sera whatever

he should’ve asked you out when he had the chance instead of sulking and pining

robin still has hope three months into the relationship

she knows for a fact steve still has a raging crush on you

those big brown eyes give everything away

and the way he gushes about your phone calls and your cute sweaters

something happens and i’m head over heels

steve has your gift picked out a month before the holiday season

little does he know, you’ve got his picked out, too

“i saw this in a shop window and thought of you…”

“i remember you mentioning that you wanted one…”

they really are just two losers fated to fall in love

sigh

more like this

masterlist

[miquellaluciscaelum]

Spoilers Elden ring DLC

Thoughts about Miquella's and Ranni's destinies.

I came across a video in Tiktok about how Ranni never had a good relationship with Golden twins because of Miquella's manipulativeness and his ability to enchant people. Well, first of all, this is stupid. We don't know what kind of relationship Ranni and Miquella had, but they definitely weren't full of hatred for each other, on the contrary, there are much more hints that they had some kind of connection, maybe even worked together on their goals.

But this is half of the trouble, in the comments people, as always proved that faith in humanity is absolutely in vain. The best you could hear there was, of course, that Miquella was just manipulating people and that he was the main villain of the story, which we were told from the beginning in the description of the branch. It went on to speculate, or even claim, that Miquella was definitely manipulating everyone around him, especially Malenia and Godwyn (unbelievably how brothers and sisters who for a long time only had each other in an unfriendly and dangerous world, where being different or deviating from the general line meant being an outcast, could sincerely love and understand each other? and of course no way Godwyn could love and cherish his brothers and sisters because he had once lost his younger brothers and did not want to lose these too).

But the funniest and scariest thing for me, actually the thing that pissed me completely off and made me write this post is that people are seriously so praising Ranni. In comments of the video, where they're condemning Miquella’s actions, they’re saying how cool Ranni is. Fuck, seems like nothing in these people’s heads works? I have nothing against Ranni, she is a character with a cool story, motivation, her quest is one of the most interesting in the game, and the ending is one of the most memorable and cinematic. But it’s so hypocritical. Ranni was literally the one who brought all shit into the fan, the Shattering was caused by her, she orchestrated the murder of a member of the royal family with a terrible weapon, the influence of which spread a literally deadly plague across the land, and blessed Tarnished to do whatever it took to help her, including killing one of her brothers.

The best thing to say is that Miquella and Ranni are worth each other when it comes to "the ends justifies the means". But I don’t see the point in saying which one is better or worse, who is kinder or nobler, who has pursued what goals. For me personally, the whole point of Ranni and Miquella is how their stories ended. Because when Ranni succeeded, Miquella lost, but why? They both did some very shady shit, manipulated, killed, etc. but Ranni got what she wanted while Miquella didn’t. I personally think it’s selfishness. There’s a healthy ego and ambition in Ranni. There’s ambition in Miquella too, after all, he is empyrean but the huge difference is that Ranni has all of her ambitions focused on herself. She sacrifices herself, yes, she literally kills her own body, but that’s the sacrifice she was willing to make, just as much as she was willing to give to get rid of the influence of the Great will. Her soul, her heart, her will, her faith and her principles, they all remain the same from beginning to end, she does not sacrifice her personality, she does not change course, even when faced with difficulties or losses in her way. Because she’s doing it for herself first. Ranni does not aim to save the world or make it a better place, or to help all the poor and sick. Her motivation may be the desire of power, revenge for the fate of her mother, hatred for the Golden order - all that you want and all those reasons are deeply selfish.

Miquella doesn’t want to change the world for himself. He thinks about his sister, about his brother, about the people he’s taken under his protection. He wants to create a better world for them. And this is the point. He’s very altruistic and sacrificial. When it comes to sacrificing himself for the greater good, he does it without a hesitation, but if Ranni gives only what she is allowing to give, Miquella gives everything. And it is a mistake, his biggest mistake. He was thinking about everyone else except himself. Pushed himself too far and eventually lost himself completely. He threw away everything that had made him him, on his way to the top and there was nothing left in the end. No heart, no soul, no love, no kindness. How can you create a kind world if there’s nothing kind left in you?

That’s the key point, because he’s changing the world with his kindness and compassion because he’s capable of it. But when he dropped it, it just didn’t make any sense. I think at the end he was nothing more than an empty shell of a man who had only a phantom target on the horizon, he doesn’t remember what he was doing all this for or nobody who he left behind. He chose the path of absolute self-sabotage and this could not have been successful in any way under the circumstances. If Miquella had become a god, he would have simply become new Marika and continued the cycle. By abandoning himself, Miquella became part of this vicious circle and cruel world. His kindness and compassion were very things that made him special and gave him the power to change the world around him.

I think that’s why Saint Trina asks us to kill Miquella. Free him from the cage of divinity and grant him forgiveness. To me, it looks as if Miquella himself asked us to kill him (she is literally a being born out of his discarded parts), because somewhere deep inside, when he had not gone too far, he understood the wrongness of the way, that was chosen, he wanted forgiveness for all that was done, but he had no way back, nothing to go back to.

In the end:

Ranni, being selfish and purposeful, succeeds and breaks the vicious circle, takes away the Golden order and leaves the world that she does not care much about to recover on its own.

Miquella, being altruistic and compassionate, tries to change the world and the cruel system, but completely loses himself and his goal along the way, becomes part of a vicious cycle of senseless cruelty and dies.

Could he have succeeded? Yes, I believe that. He could have succeeded, but not as a god. At least not as someone who would have taken Marika’s place. In fact, the divinity through the Elden ring and the Divine gate are no different, Marika was on both ends and we all know what have happened to her. I believe that Miquella could have achieved so much more without being a god, without becoming a part of this vicious circle. He had already achieved more than anyone could have imagined with his tree, with the Unalloyed gold, against the Outer gods, and he was not god all this time. If he had found a way to break his curse, if he had been able to do it as he had planned through  Haligtree, history would have gone a whole different way.

To me, he was not and will not be the villain of this story. He’s just another victim, from a long list of suffered the cruelty and injustice of the Elden Ring world.

[screeching-bunny]

Helloooo my fave yandere!character writer! I hope your having a wonderful day! Can i request yandere!jock with male!reader and he finds the reader crying bc someone was bullying them or said smth mean or smth like that? Ik he would be pissed but i was thinking something along the lines of this:

*Reader explains what happens*

*Yandere!Jock absolutely pissed and turns to go beat the shit out of them*

Then the reader would grab is arm to stop him and say smthing like: “wait!…please…..please just….stay with me….please?” Like EEEEEEE I LOVE YANDERE!JOCK SMMMM AND IMA PASS OUT IF YOU DO THIS! OKAY THANKS BYE

(Also plz ignore if your requests are closed rn)

Yandere! Jock x Male Reader

Asks 2

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Reader is specifically going to be Male in this post!!!

Asks 1

Yandere! Jock liked looking at you whether it be intention or not his eyes were almost always on you. He loved looking at every expression you made throughout your day to day life and practically memorized every fine detail on your face. So it was no surprise that he was instantly alerted when he saw a hint of sadness appear on your face when you came in for your afternoon class. Like a little leach he started attaching himself towards you with a concerned look on his face to find out what had happened to his little darling but alas his attempts reamied futile as you refused to give him an answer that he accepted.

“I’m just tired and just didn’t get that much sleep last night.”

Tired his ass. Yandere! Jock knew for a fact that you fell asleep early last night while watching an animal documentary. How does he know this? Well, he was stalking I mean watching over you last night. Anyways the sentence “The giant horse cock weighs over eight pounds” was still fresh in his mind but that's not the point! The point is something or someone made you upset! This is honestly so absolutely unacceptable!! When class finishes he ends up cornering you to try and figure out what has happened to you. Soon you start to give in and tell him the exact reason as to why with tears bawling out of your eyes.

When he finds out the reason he is beyond pissed. A bunch of npc bullies had the audacity to go and bully you! There is nothing he wants to do then skin those losers alive for making you cry like this. How fucking dare they. Yandere! Jock immediately decides that at that moment, he would go on a manhunt. He genuinely believes that it’d be a good riddance, no way in hell is someone going to miss them. As he tries to get up, he is immediately stopped by you as you grab ahold of his arm.

“Please stay, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Holy shit! That sentence damn near put him in a coma. He just can’t believe how adorable you are. With that, he decides right away to bring you to his home in order to comfort you. The rest of the day is spent with just the two of you guys together while watching Netflix and ordering out to eat. All of his plans that he had before were canceled in favor of being by your side. He does his best to make you happy and laugh as much as possible. That smiling face of yours suits you better than a teary eyed expression. Although he can’t do it now, he vows to absolutely destroy the lives of your bullies. The mental and physical wellbeing of yourself matter more than anything in the world to him. Anything that causes harm to you he quickly deals with even if it means people. All that he wants is that you’ll be safe in his arms and by his side whenever he wakes up.

He makes it a point to prove the words of you tormentors were false and does his best to undo their claims. He’d be so appalled by the whole situation and just can’t wrap around his head at how someone could be mean to you. Like just look at you! You’re literally perfect what the hell were they smoking when they decided to verbally assault you. Yandere! Jock would be so overbearing and clingy towards you. Wherever you went he was close behind you. You’re going grocery shopping? Cool he’s right by your side. You gotta go to class? He’s right by you. Even if he doesn’t have the class he’s still coming. Showering? Move over and make room, he wants to shower as well. Is totally the type to throw a fit when you say no which causes you to relent and let him follow you.

In a few weeks after this incident there were missing people reports all over town of local college students. The same ones who coincidentally were vicious towards you. Everytime Yandere! Jock walks past these posters, he has a hidden smug look on his face. Justifies it by saying that he’s doing it in the name of love and that those people were the spawns of Satan. Besides, they're not even dead yet. They’re just trapped in a cabin in some random woods that only he has access to. Content with himself he spends his days by your side and pledging to himself that he’d never let anyone bother you ever again.

[prezaki]

Bucchigiri?! and 'being Honki' - a Show about Identity and Human Connection

With Hiroko Utsumi's newest work as a director now completed, I want to take a moment to discuss the thematic through-lines of Bucchigiri?! and explain why I think that the story was very coherent even if it first seemed erratic.

At the heart of the series is the concept of the Honki Person(TM) - and that's where the confusion starts. Leaving the word 'Honki' in Japanese for the subs suggests a lore-heavy emphasis on some kind of supernatural mechanic in-story. It caused many viewers expected a well-defined shounen-typical power system - but that isn't what Honki is nor what it was ever meant to be.

"Honki" is the Japanese word 本気, which means Seriousness, Earnestness (or doing something 'in earnest, for real' if used as an adverb). 'Honki People' literally just means 'Earnest People'

And thus "Honki" is doing double duty as a red herring Lore Concept and a regular word - an intentional ambiguity that is inevitably lost by translation.

In the show, the characters do initially think of the 'Honki Person' as a literal thing to become (a supernaturally powerful master martial artist) rather than as a state of being in which one is earnest - but the thing is that the narrative proves them wrong.

But before we get to that, we need to dig a little bit deeper into what a Honki Person is thought to be in-universe:

"Historically", those thought of as Honki were fighters who participated in conflicts 300 years ago - a bit after the end of the Sengoku Period, the continuously warring states that had defined Japan for two centuries. With the advent of the rigidly structured Edo Period, honorable fighters with no clear systemic alliance were no longer needed and the aspiring Honki People(TM) were mercilessly gunned down. This feels out of left field for an anime like Bucchigiri?! to focus on, so I propose a second more allegorical layer to impose over the literal pseudo-historical read.

Even beyond the historical fact that gun imports changed warfare, the usage of guns here is deliberate to represent something. Guns are associated with authorities, and contrasted against the Honki People(TM) shunning weapons and fighting only with their own bodies.

To be Honki(TM) means to be true to yourself and secure in your own identity - this is something that is a hindrance to a social system that relies on rules and groupthink to sustain itself. Supporting this assumption, the theme of 'death' by weapon/authority is mirrored in the show several times:

On the one hand, we have the NG Boys, a gang set apart from the other gangs in the story by their even more rigid hierarchical structure and their willingness to use weaponry. They all follow one leader, have one uniform look, and appear basically brainwashed into blind obedience.

The association of weapons=structure and authority is made pretty clearly through that alone, but is also enhanced by all the members of the NG Boys living under constant threat of being fed to the real authorities of society: the police. Fear keeps everyone in line.

And further, the idea of society as an oppressive force (especially to the lower class) is put into direct focus through Mitsukuni and Matakara. Poverty is brought up briefly before through Senya (our main Honki Person(TM) was a nameless orphan after all) and brought back with the Asamine brothers:

Mitsukuni wishes to escape his social status in order to offer a better life to his brother - and he's forcibly held down by the oppressive system around him.

The cop that causes Mitsukuni to go to jail is equivalent to the guns that shot Senya and Ichiya.

(Utsumi has explored this underlying socially critical current before. Not for nothing, her previous series SK8 opens with the memorable bridge of the title song reading: "before society can kill us".)

But Bucchigiri?! isn't about overthrowing the system. It's about the individual. Understanding the context about authority just helps setting the real theme into focus.

And that theme is to hold on steadfast to who you are and allow yourself to connect with others, even in various kinds of adversity.

After this long, long preamble, let's get to the actual main characters!!

Matakara and Arajin are people who are ruled by fear and who spend 11 episodes running from others and themselves in two very different ways.

Arajin is pretty hated as a protagonist, which amuses me a little, because nobody hates Arajin more than Arajin hates Arajin.

His past cowardice in failing to protect Matakara has clearly shown him that he is a pathetic person and he's spent his whole life since then trying to avoid being reminded of this. He avoids Matakara, the strongest reminder of his failure, but further than that he avoids connection with anybody that he could see as a peer.

Arajin is solely focused on finding love and romance because he feels inherently inferior to every person he would be invited to contrast himself against. He avoids other guys because he hates himself. He shuns connection and pursues only people (girls) he views as different enough to not invite any comparison.

Matakara meanwhile has major abandonment issues - he's lost his parents, Arajin, and his brother. Everyone important to him keeps vanishing from his life and in order to keep himself from feeling powerless about this he decides to blame himself.

If it's his own fault that people leave him (because he's weak) then there is something in his power that he can do in order to avoid being hurt again (becoming stronger). In order to maintain this state of motivational self-hatred, he puts others on a pedestal.

Matakara needs Arajin to be strong, powerful, honest and admirable... because that is the image he holds himself up by. In Mitsukuni and Arajin, Matakara creates god-like icons to chase after. And by doing so, he also shuns genuine connection.

Being confronted with Arajin as a flawed person gives Matakara a breakdown because it makes it harder to run from his own loneliness by focusing on chasing after Arajin.

Arajin is always running, but Matakara is always chasing... because he can't stand to look behind and face his monster.

In a lot of ways, Arajin and Matakara can't connect because they care about each other. Arajin can't stand what he allowed to happen to Matakara because he cared about Matakara. Matakara clings to Arajin because he loves him.

This theme of love hindering connection is again mirrored in two other characters - Senya and Ichiya, of course.

Ichiya, unwilling to confront his own terminal illness head-on, wishes to avoid it by goading Senya into killing him. By doing this, he can run from his own weakness and put Senya on a pedestal instead.

Meanwhile Senya is attached to their connection as-is and wishes to maintain this master-disciple dynamic forever - going so far as to deny his own strength in order to avoid acknowledging their changing dynamic.

Both of them are denying something about themselves.

It is their self-denial that makes their communication and thus connection break down.

Ichiya can't make Senya go Honki(TM) (which should have definitely been translated as an adverb here, e.g. 'failing to make him get serious') because he is also not HONEST with him or himself.

In the finale, Senya finally admits his motivations (his illness, his perceived weakness) and he is rewarded with the honest fight he'd been craving. They both stopped running.

This theme becomes even clearer through the two leads, of course, but even earlier than that it exists in Mahoro.

Mahoro's scene in episode 6 is the thematic linchpin that carried the whole show on its shoulders. Through Mahoro, everyone in the cast gets their first glimpse at true unrelenting Honki(tm) - and it is something totally unrelated to fighting prowess.

Mahoro is physically powerless against Akutaro, but she won't run. She has a heart that won't run away, the key quality of the Honki Person(TM), because she has an unshakable sense of self-identity.

It would be easy to dismiss her cutesy design as a contrivance to give Arajin a conventional-looking love interest despite going to Delinquent Academy - but it also says something about HER. Mahoro marches to the beat of her own drum. She does not care that she does not fit in, she does not mind being alone - she'll stick right to her own aesthetic and priorities.

So it's easy for her to call out Akutaro - and in doing so, call out the whole cast along with him:

You're empty. You are nothing but a shell, shaped by how you relate to those around you. You have nothing to offer.

And how are you supposed to connect with anybody, when you don't even know who you are?

(Notably, Mahoro is also a character who refuses to compromise on her self even for love - she knows she does not appeal to Marito, but she's not changing herself to be more his type. Her Honki does not budge, even for him.)

And lest you think I am exaggerating by connecting the theme of identity and emptiness back to all of the cast instead of just Akutaro: it does come back with Matakara.

Matakara can't believe anybody would know him and care for him, because he doesn't know himself.

For Matakara, facing himself means acknowledging his fear of abandonment rather than externalizing it as a hallucination of a literal monster.

But facing yourself doesn't just mean facing your demons, it also means facing your own positive qualities. And that is Arajin's story.

Even as Arajin turned into a scummy, evasive and selfish guy, there is a part of him that has a throughline to who he always was. He's someone who can get invested in others with reckless abandon.

Whether as a child with Matakara, or in the present with Mahoro... Arajin wants to connect.

Bucchigiri?! is a show full of innuendo and sexual gags. Merging with a genie gets equated to sex, fighting gets equated to sex... and of course this is for laughs, but it's also thematic.

Because all these things are about connection. About facing someone else with your whole self.

On a literal level, yes, Arajin absolutely wants to get laid. This is his sincere desire, and good for him.

But at the same time, his battle cry of 'I want to lose my virginity!' is him crying out for a real connection, even at a time when he shunned the idea thereof.

In the end, being a Honki Person(TM) has nothing to do with fighting. Fighting is the way a lot of the rough and tumble guys on the show like to connect, but it is not the only way to do so and not the only way to be Honki(TM).

Arajin never learns to love brawling - he did it out of circumstance and necessity, but it's not his hobby. He does not need to discover some hidden love of fighting, because this show fundamentally isn't about how 'fighting is inherently good' or anything.

It's a show about how even when you hate yourself and think you're as low as it can get, acknowledging your own self in full is the first step to finding a real bond with somebody else.

It just also happens to feature a bunch of delinquents who love to punch a lot.

[deathnguts]

Line Cook! Barty and Server! Regulus AU

Barty as a line cook was not my idea but like holy shit, literally him. If you know anything about line cooks, you know what I mean. (My dad was a head chef for a group of shitty line cooks and he would fucking hate Barty, and I think that’s a good enough reason to get him the job) ((in every universe Barty helps you hate your dad I think)) (((anyway)))

Like, Barty and his shitty sleeve tattoos and greasy rolled up sleeves. Barty and the douchebag thrill of absolutely disrespecting head chefs because he does not care. Barty taking way more smoke breaks than he’s allowed, but no one stops him because he’s actually the fastest cook there and he earned the extra time. Barty who’s the waiters favorite cook because he is itching for the opportunity to fuck with a rude customer (he would plate an asshole’s food in the shape of a dick no questions asked) Barty who’s temper is either completely gone (he’s probably high tbh) or like constantly a thread away from blowing up and he WILL fight that guy at table four who sent back the steak BECAUSE FUCK HIM HE WOULDNT KNOW MEDIUM RARE IF IT SLAPPED HIM OVER FUCKING DICK-

And Regulus is such a rich boy who does not need to work to live but damn it if he doesn’t do a great fucking job at it, yknow? He’s definitely one of those servers that every other server (Evan and Edgar?) is envious of because he gets away with being rude to customers. If anything it gets him more tips than anyone.

Regulus who doesn’t smile or ask how guests’ days are going because he does not care. Regulus who pretends to write down orders because his manager (Dorcas, maybe?) told him that was his biggest complaint amongst customers, but he doesn’t actually have to because he can memorize them all with like no mistakes. (If there are mistakes in the plate he serves you, they were purposeful.) Regulus who has perfect posture and a delicate French accent and perfect hair and unmatched face card and uses these things to get guests to forgive him for forgetting to fill their waters every single time without fail. Regulus who upsells expensive items with no problem because he was raised rich and knows how to market. (Bistro huddy reference anyone?) Regulus who rakes in absolutely crazy tips from older men because they think his disrespect is charming. (They specifically ask to be seated in his section)

Within the AU I imagine they would’ve met at work and they found each other entertaining. They probably became very banter-filled work friends that bitched to no end. Regulus has so much fun requesting Barty specifically make the orders with the craziest edits and Barty sends him back with some wonderful quotes for the guest. Barty probably catches feels first because he’s not above liking someone solely for how they look and how mean they are and then drills his roommate and coworker Evan for the details on the new server. They take forever to actually go on a date because it’s them, but they’ll get there someday.

Yeah I don’t have the actual like relationship part worked out at all but think of the vibes. THINK

[an-au-blog]

Re-ordering (highest to lowest) the bounties in the strawhat crew because Oda is either way too bias or has the memory of a goldfish. (I'm rating them if I was a marine in canon) (updated I didn't mean to miss anyone I'm so sorry)

1. Luffy

for obvious reasons: he's the captain, strongest, etc.

2. Nico Robin

i cannot stress this enough. NICO ROBIN IS SECOND!

She is the only person left alive that can read the ponegliphs, therefore the only one who can get ANYONE to Laugh tale. She had been chased by the government since she was eight. She's not only one of the smartest people not only on the crew, but dare I say on the Grand Line, but she's also one of the strongest. (like idk how people keep forgetting this, did we not watch Wano???) She's been an assassin and the right hand man of one of the seven warlords for years. I'd even say she was kind of his body guard tbh...

3. Franky

I'm putting Franky so high up because of a couple of factors. The obvious ones: He is physically strong, also extremely smart (as he was an apprentice to a man so feared by the marines they looked for any excuse to execute him, whether because of his social standing or skills) He has lasers(one of the strongest, if not THE strongest weapons in their universe) designed by Vega Punk himself. But most importantly: he memorized the blue prints of a weapon important enough for the world government to try and assassinate as many people as they need to get their hands on. He can build it at any point and there's no other copy of it.

4. Zoro and Sanji (same bounty)

I'm putting them above the rest mainly because I still respect Oda's decision to put them higher up. Physical strength aside, each of them, in my opinion, has a good reason to be deemed as dangerous. Logically, one would put the Captain's right-hand man above the other, but Sanji's "Vinsmoke" status, much as he hates it, boosts him up. He may not have grown up with them or have the same mutations or "upgrades", but the people don't know that. Fear wins half the battle.

5. Jinbei and Brook

By very little below №4, if they're not the same, they are very close (but IDK which one is above the other.) What would be scariest to me if I was the world government's shoes, would be influenced and propaganda, and these two are extremely influential figures and loved by many.

But let's start with Jinbei: He's an ex-warlord. He is lobed by man, if not all of Fiahman island. He's highly respected and feared. The waters are his domain, plus he's physically very strong.

Brook: a master swordsman and a man who can control people with music?!?! I feel like we keep forgetting that. He also spent the time skip become an infamous rockstar, who's fans FOUGHT THE NAVIE so they could listen to him! Influence-wise, Brook takes the cake.

6. Usopp

With half-a-mind to put him in the №5 bundle, I'm putting him a bit lower for one reason only: not everyone would know or believe what happened in Dresrossa. Undoubtedly, he had created a cult-like following there and he can spin a tale to his advantage, and technically being pronounced a "God" would make it... a cult... But that would lose brownie points in the major public's eyes. Even though his skills are admirable, he's not as strong or wildly influential as Jinbei (a literal warlord) and Brook (the Michael Jackson of op)

7. Nami

Navigator, they can't go far or fast without her. She has had a record with the navie before as a petty thief, but other than her charms and wits, there's no reason for them to put her higher...

8. Chopper

The Navie does not care for Chopper. I don't think they'd put him anywhere above the last spot in any universe... sorry.

[multifandomslxt]

NCT 127 and their Sugar Daddy Ratings Pt.3

Kim Jungwoo

a neat 9.78/10 (He's stubborn asf)

He is 100% from a very long line of renowned singers and actors

his great great great great great great grandparents worked with Shakespeare multiple times (He includes that in every conversation)

so yk what that means...

he's a trust fund baby lmaoooo

never had to work a day in his life

but still chooses to

he owns a world-renowned academy for the arts

with branches all over the world

Yall met at a Gala he had to attend

You were a temporary assistant for a snobby and rude guest

and you hated it but you had bills to pay boo

on your very first meeting, he spilled red wine all over your very much white-now pink- dress.

I ain't gon lie

Jungwoo ain't one of the nice rich people

"Watch where you're going."

you had to look up at this bitch like

"???"

now you were pissed and all sticky thanks to his mistake

so you demanded compensation

After some back and forth

he takes you away from the gala and

has his driver carry you both to a high-end boutique

buys a dress 10x more expensive than the one you had on

doesn't give af

begin to pry

asks why you came as a temporary assistant instead of a guest

you tell him you're broke and in between jobs

he offers to pay a lil something in exchange for you keeping your mouth shut about his rude behavior

"I have a reputation to uphold"

safe to say somehow that created a pipeline

and now

he's your sugar daddy

BUT

You guy's HATE each other lmaoo

y'all literally cannot stand each other

but he gets jealous when another man is near you

rather scrape his bare ass against concrete than watch you walk into a cheap ass restaurant

and rather die than hear you can't make rent this month

But my gosh...

The sex?!?!

hate sex is superior btw

"5 minutes ago you were calling me a jerk and now you're all fucked out on my bed heh."

"I can't fucking stand you and your attitude. Shut the fuck up and strip"

He 'hates' you but his hands are always wrapped around your waist when y'all are in public

He 'hates' you but has your favorite coffee order and every mole on your body memorized.

he 'hates you but smiles like a fool when you text him.

Lee Haechan

imma give him a 11/10 (he's great just horny lmaoo)

a professional menace lemme just say lmaoo

He's a world-famous singer

Owns his own record company

with famous artists

you guys met at his concert

a meet and great

he was immediately smitten by you

asked you out for coffee when everything was finished

and yall hit it off

y'all became friends (you expected more didn't you lmaoo)

at some point shit hit the fan and you couldn't make ends meet

Haechan being the friend he is offers to help you until you were back on your feet

but you being you said no

lmaoo

As if that would stop him

from paying our rent for the rest of the year

and stocking up your fridge every weekend

'accidentally' sending you 10k every weekend

and buying you a car to "get around"

one day he just outright admits that he is both your friend and sugar daddy

fucking hell lmaooo

he gives you a card under his name for anything

Will spontaneously take you on trips to places you've never been

when you complain he threatens to shut you up with 'something'

yes you've found out multiple times what that something was

hehe

"I sent you 10k last week and you still haven't spent it. What do you want me to do? fuck the stubbornness out of you?"

"You don't like when daddy spends his money on you pretty girl? too fucking bad"

yall 100% have frantic and needy s3x

[ryanguzmansource]

📹 • Ryan's podcast appearance for A-Line Podcast (3.11.24)

SUMMARY (IN ORDER OF DISCUSSION)

ON BEING A "SEX SYMBOL": I don't see none of that […] I stay appreciative, I stay grateful for all of it. That's crazy though because I don't see myself like that, you know? [interviewer makes a comment on his level of humility] I've had a lot of humbling things happen to me that past, like, my whole life. Some people, like—I got good people in my corner right now checking me.

ON ACTING: [interviewer asks how long he's been in the profession] Thirteen years now? And it's never something I even thought of, coming from Sac [Sacramento]. Yeah, I was—I was doing, like, modelling in San Fran[cisco], I was doing fighting in Sacramento, and then I think just the environment I was around wasn't offering me any kind of, like, out, and I got caught up, and I was just like "You know what, I'ma do the same shit, I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna end up like all these other individuals I'm around, let me try something new." So I got invited to come out to LA [Los Angeles] and do a photoshoot and that changed my life.

I was modelling and fighting at the same time, and then—because—I just came off one of my last fights [interviewer asks if he won] Nah, I lost. It was a-a belt fight too for the title. [interviewer asks if he was contender or champion] I was the contender. Yeah, I was going against the champ. Yeah, and I was only on my third fight at the time, so I was like, I was coming up real quick and I picked up that fight to be honest because somebody else turned it down and nobody else wanted to fight this guy so they looked at me and I was like, sign me up. Yeah, yeah, but then I came out here and everything changed. I remember getting a call from some, I don't even know the guy no more, but uh, he was talking about some, like, audition or something like that and I'm like, what do you mean, audition? and he goes oh yeah yeah I act, and I'm like "oh, okay, bro, if you can do it you're [indistinguishable] as fuck." [laughter] I gotta try this shit out for sure." And ever since then, man, I booked Step Up and I haven't been—[interviewer asks which movies he was in] Four and five. Yeah, four and five.

ON 9-1-1: [interviewer asks how long it takes for him to learn his lines and what his process is when he receives a new script] 9-1-1, they keep you on your toes because like, literally, we'll get the script the day of or, like, the night before and you don't even know you're working that night so it's just—now, at this point in time, I've been doing it for so long, it's just like—what I do, what helps me out is I read the lines over and over and over and over again until I got the lines on lock, right—[interviewer asks if he writes his lines in order to memorize them] No, I-I used to. So when I—when I came out here and I only had, like, twenty-seven dollars to my name, I could barely afford paper, so I would just take, like, a couple pieces of paper and keep on writing shit over and over again until I got that and then I think it developed something in my brain so that now that I'm looking at this stuff, I'll get the lines down real quick and then, as soon as I get the lines down, I put myself into it. And that's where you get to, like, the flavor, the character, like, all the like, little textures and stuff. Yeah.

ON THE ON-SET ENVIRONMENT: It really is like a little family, you know, we really kick it on-on, uh, and off screen and everything.

ON IF HE STILL GETS NERVOUS WHEN ACTING: I'd take a fight over [walking on set]. I think for me, in anything I've ever done—the more, like, tense I am, the worse I am. You know what I'm saying? So, like, I'm trying my best to just be comfortable and just be me and it's been a process to try and find out who that was at the same time as being an actor. So as I've climbed over the past thirteen years, I've kind of found out my identity, who I am, and feel real stable in who I am, so when I come on a set, it's the same person you'll meet all the time. And then when I'm—when they—when they call action, it's just a flip of the switch to be honest. It's really not like—I can't—I can't think about it too much.

ON METHOD ACTING: [interviewer asks what's the difference between what he does and method acting] Nah, but I did a movie—I did method for, like, so again, I've only done one acting class in my entire life, so I was trying to just learn on the go. I didn't even call myself an actor until, like, three years ago until I had a conversation with Kenny [Kenneth Choi] and Kenny was like, "bro, you got all the things, like, why are you not taking advantage of what you have?" But, uh, I did a Mario Van Peebles movie [Armed (2018)] and I was supposed to play the like, schizo, kind of like, like, crazy individual, all paranoid and everything like that. So I locked myself up in this, like, horrible ass motel, like, you know, prostitution was happening over here, like, we got—we got everything, you know, and I kept myself in that room, and then to further that thing, I hired one of my boys to, uh, be snapping pics of me randomly so, like, it always keep me, like, is somebody looking on me, blah blah blah.

And I couldn't get out the room, the room was hot as fuck, I think it was, like, 110 degrees in that room, um, it was in the middle of the fucking summer, and I just drove myself insane. I drove myself insane and I did this movie. I mean, it didn't come nothing of it but it became the Mario van Peebles show. I didn't realize that going into it but, um, that stuck with me for years. It fucked with me. So I would go around and I remember coming out of that room, actually—it was weird, I came out the room, my two boys took me out to lunch, and I'm-I'm-I'm trying to eat and all I could do was hear everybody's voices and it was so overwhelming I almost started crying, I'm like, oh whoa. So I had to, like, hop in the bathroom, I'm like, and seclude myself so I couldn't hear nobody. And then I finally, like, started to reintegrate myself into the community and then - and then I just went straight to filming. But I learned from that process, like, nah, method ain't for me.

ON HAVING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF ACTING: [interviewer asks how he's able to have a life outside of acting considering both the unpredictability and the rigor inherent to his line of work.] Yeah, you just got to be adaptable. ON GETTING HIRED: [interviewer asks if he sent in an audition tape for 9-1-1] Nah, bro, so it worked out differently for me, I got a straight offer based off an audition I did two months or three months prior. [interviewer asks if they kept his tape] I think so. Yeah, so, what happened was—[interviewer asks what the tape/audition was for] No, it was FOX, something completely different. Yeah, and I don't know, I don't know really the backstory 'cause, to be honest, I-I met up with Tim Minear, and shout out to Tim Minear, he's-he's like the OG of the OGs. Yeah, yeah, shoutout to showrunner, yeah, yeah, yeah, he-he does everything, he put, like, new life into this season for us.

But, um, I only met Ryan Murphy one time, and the only time I met him, actually, I was trying to go to Netflix trying to get my show picked up. I was writing something for, uh, with a-a-a group of people, and I was like "alright, I got this all set up" blah blah blah, you know, and that—there's a certain amount of slots that Netflix will see the people, so I'm sitting down there waiting, everything like that, and I see fourteen individuals come through, Ryan Murphy's leading them, like, I don't know who this man is. And finally someone comes up to me and says, hey, so, Ryan this-this guy actually works for you, and he's like, oh hey nice to meet you, blah blah blah and, like, dips out, and I'm like, fuck I'm not going to get this television show, like they're going to sign with this man" and shortly after, they signed this, like, massive deal and—yeah.

ON WORKING WITH ANGELA BASSETT: "She's probably one of my favorite people I've ever met. [...] It's royalty right there, yeah, it's royalty. The fact that she can go win an Oscar, come back to our show and act like nothing happened? Like, that's who she is.

ON EDDIE'S S3 FIGHT ARC: [interviewer asks if he asked for his background in fighting to be included in 9-1-1] I got a theory about that though, like, I feel like they found out about my fighting and then I kept on coming in with, like, black eyes and like, like, different, like, little, like, you know, yeah, we-we, like, the makeup artist would call it, like, oh, falling down the stairs or what not, so, he's like, "did you fall down the stairs again today?" blah blah blah so I think they just kind of, like, wrote that in. […] I thought I was going to get fired.

ON FIGHTING: Still fighting. Still trying to teach, still doing it, like, anybody wants, you know. [interviewer asks if he's still going into the ring getting punched] I mean... I'm trying to punch [laughter]

ON THE STRIKE: [interviewer asks how badly the SAG-AFTRA strikes affected him] I'm in a blessed position, you know, I stay grateful for everything and then, like I said, Ryan Murphy saved my life, uh, because I just found out—not to back out of your question—but I just found out that I was about to have a baby boy, um, before I got this-this show and, like, divine intervention, right, um, so for the strike, residuals started coming through out of nowhere. That USA [USA Network syndicated runs of 9-1-1]. So I was actually just linking up with my boys every single morning at four or five in the morning. [interviewer asks if his residuals were mere coins like some of the rest of the people in his industry] Nah, man, you get some. Like one I, like, get super hyped, right, and I be like okay, a dollar. […] So I was getting that, but then I was also getting something else and I was just like okay. Every check [from 9-1-1] [is] the same, the residuals are different. So residuals are, like, based on how-how many people watch. I'll get a residual from, like, say Boy Next Door comes out and it, I think it was just on HBO, you know, ten thousand people, hundred thousand people will start watching that, then I'll get a residual for that, and then I'll get a residual for 9-1-1.

ON THE ON-SET ENVIRONMENT (again): [int: And I'ma speak, like, being on set with y'all, man, like, um, I hear so many horror stories of, like "the actor was an asshole," like all of y'all bro, like, when you see me, you be like "how's your kid?" and that shit is crazy bro, I be appreciating that shit, like, y'all really—it's really like a family setting, not just with the actors with—among actors—it's like crew-wise, like, even—I saw Aisha [Hinds] on another show, she hugging me and shit, everybody looking at me different now. You know what I'm saying? So, like, y'all really show love on, like, a daily basis, you know what I'm saying.]

It starts from the top, though. I mean, Angela, you know, she-she runs that whole thing. [...] Pete's the same way, yeah. […] She's straight-up grace. The way she handled that other Oscar situation when she was supposed to, like, win? And she sat down like this [demonstrates]. [And they tried to make it seem like she was shading the winner.] Of course they did. Of course they did. I remember talking to her about that. [And how was she feeling?] You know, she had some, like, some things to share about that, and, like, to be honest, it's human. It's like, what she felt was human, it's like—and the way she handled it was better than I could have handled it. You know? And the way that she was getting treated? Better than how I could have felt. You know? So, like I said: grace.

ON JAKE PAUL/FIGHTING: [parts of this exchange were indistinguishable due to an inability to read lips] I put out my thing for Jake Paul, like, years and years ago. I was like, Jake, if you wanna fight, let's fight, bro. […] I didn't get nothing back, I got crickets back, so he literally, yeah. [interviewer comments of Jake Paul's skill and ability.] He's gotten better. I mean, he's got millions of dollars like he's in Puerto Rico, like, top training, like, he's got a good team around him. [interviewer asks if he's still willing to fight Jake Paul knowing he's received top-notch training] Tomorrow. Yeah. Today. Whenever. Yeah. We about the same weight. I think he's 199, I'm 187.

[indistinguishable] That don't mean nothing, that's Mike Tyson. And you gotta think about the last couple fights, is like, Mike Tyson, he's had Anderson Silva, I'm a nobody to him, and I don't have the controversy behind me. You know? There's a scandal that-that, like, they feed off of. They're smart, I said this: the Paul brothers are really smart about advertising themselves, marketing themselves, like, and-and surrounding like, insulating themselves with really good people. [indistinguishable] I feel like they had something in the clause, like, don't hit me too hard. You see the age gap right? I mean, 57? The other one, Anderson Silva was 50, the one before that was 40, like, he-he's—I feel like he's going to the retirement home—[he lost to Tommy Fury] He lost to—because that's close to his age. And I don't even think Tommy Fury is that great.

[interviewer asks if, when he's in the ring, does he use moments where he's not in action to rest] Yeah. Yeah, so actually, you learn a lot from the fight. So, like, sparring is completely different than fighting in the ring. […] The first fight I ever had, I realized that the crowd actually plays—cause, the adrenaline—it takes out your-your stamina, so I would get in there and I would already be breathing hard and not realizing, like, I haven't even fought yet. So by the second round in my first fight, I remember my coach, like, pulling my pants, being like, trying to get me, like, room for my stomach to breath, and slapping me in the face, being like, wake up, you got to fight another round. Just because my heart was beating too hard. The next round—I mean, sorry to stop you—but the next fight, I ended up deciding I'm going to fall asleep right before my fight. I'm going to stay calm as I can, I'm going to walk out to my own little, like, headphone music, blah blah blah, I'ma go to the ring girl, flirt with her for a little bit, blah blah, go in there and just treat it like another day, stay comfortable, stay calm, like I'm doing with my acting, and then I fucked this dude up, man, I was like that's it.

[interviewer asks if he believes in not having sex before a fight] Ah, I mean… [laughter] I mean, I-I, they-they say a lot that does act as, like, testosterone. [interviewer asks if he believe that it can help before heading into a fight, regardless if he practices the ideology or not] Yeah. Yeah, 'cause, I mean, if you withhold sex for all of--I mean--you just start getting, like, little-- [Antsy?] Yeah, exactly.

ON GARCIA V. HANEY: [Devin] Haney's gonna—Haney's gonna whip him. Yeah. No, [Ryan] Garcia's got so many holes in his game. He should have stayed-he should have stayed with Canelo [Alvarez].

ON BOXING OVER MMA: I moreso watch MMA 'cause that's where I came from […] I like-I like using everything. [interviewer asks about his fight style] Striker. I didn't like getting—that's how I lost in the last fight. I hit old dude, like, right in the face, his eyes roll in the back, I celebrated too quick, I raise my hands up, he kind of falls on me, grabs on my side, and as he's, like, grabbing on my side, he's trying to get his, like, whereabout, right, and then kind of pulls me into a guard, we fall down, he goes into my, like, it's called side mount, so he's on this side, my legs are this way and he gets onto a full mount, which is just like—my legs are past him, his legs are right here, and he just starts doing [gestures] that 'cause I didn't have any ground game (?). And I heard about this guy being nothing but a striker so I was like alright, so I went up to him and I was just like, let's get it cracking, like, this is the fucking, like, belt, somebody's going to get knocked out. Somebody's going to get knocked out, right, let's do this, and it turned into something else.

[interviewer asks what's the worst shot he's taken]

So, by my trainer, 260 pounds, King of the Cage champion—like, five, six time champion—and he has an iron rod or, like, a metal rod in his shin […] So I got, like, a [works his jaw]—my shit still clicks [He came up and kicked you?] So we do this thing called a Shark Tank, right, so, like every person, like, ten people hop out around the cage and one person's in the cage, and whoever's in the cage is getting ready for their fight and every minute, or every two minutes, we switch out the fighter. So you get a fresh fighter every single time, and it doesn't matter how big or small [...] So I, it was my turn, and I'm faster than him, so I was bam bam bam—I was a fresh fighter, I was third round, so like—or second round—so we're going back and forth, boom boom boom, I'm hitting him, and he just, like, set up one shot, and as soon as he threw that leg, I—slow motion—saw bop! And I've never been hit this hard in my life, I—he hit me so hard, like, I hit the ground and popped back up. I bounced off the ground, and I thought I was still, like, alright, let's go, and I started throwing shots, and my head's just ringing, I don't know where I'm at, I don't really remember the time. I've never been knocked out, but that was the closest I've ever been knocked out, and then my jaw for the next month and a half, I had to, like, eat soup.

ON WHY HE FELT LIKE HE WON HIS LAST FIGHT: I hit him with a cross, his eyes were rolling back, so I thought okay, that's it, I did it, and he starts, like, slumping up, right, and as soon as he started slumping, I turned, and again, immaturity, so I felt like I got this, it was in the bag, everybody, like, got out of their seats, started yelling and blah blah blah, and and and I thought it was over.

ON IF HE'S FOCUSING MORE ON ACTING OR FIGHTING: Yeah, I always saw myself as a fighter more than anything else […] My dream was to get on UFC Ultimate Fighter and hopefully get on the UFC.

ON IF HE KNOWS NATE DIAZ: Yeah, so, I mean, everybody know everybody, right, especially in NorCal, so, and, we're fighting, we go to these different leagues and whatnot, and everybody—it's kind of like a little clique, little gang, blah blah blah, you stay with your gang. And there's quite a few times where ours and theirs got in a little… [gestures] And just off of, like, some dumb shit, like it's—it doesn't take much. And for a while, I kind of held a grudge until I came out here, and then finally, like, I don't know, I just dropped this shit and then Nate reached out, or, like, Nick sent me something like a comment in my Instagram, I—yeah. But. It's all love.

ON HOW OFTEN HE TRAINS/GOES TO THE GYM: [conversation drifted almost immediately but, essentially, he works fourteen to fifteen hour days and presumably finds it difficult to go to the gym, but his kids often accompany and train with him when he goes]

ON RAPPERS: [indistinguishable due to noise, but he prefers Kendrick Lamar and Lil Wayne over Drake]

ON WOMEN: [interviewer talks about a specific instance in which a man loans approx. 20k to his girlfriend to cover her expenses, yet when he needs money for their mortgage, she says no. He then asks if Ryan is able to overlook that, were he in the same situation] Nah. She gotta go.

[interviewer suggesting that saying a woman "can't get a man" or calling her a ho is the same as telling a man to "shut yo' broke ass up] But women make a lot of money off of that now. Like on OnlyFans and everything, women make hella money, I don't know if they even care anymore.

[interviewer on if women "really" want to work or not, or if they'd rather just be taken care of by men or be homemakers]: I say give them everything they want and then let them find out. Let them find out they don't want what they want.

interview ends because he has to leave.

[regallibellbright]

top 3 favourite Vorkosigan saga moments?

Ooh, good one! In no true order:

1) It’s a classic, but it’s a classic for a reason: “Forgive me. I was so afraid for you that I forgot to be afraid for your enemies.” The entire Shopping Trip is a highlight, of course, but the debriefing really is what makes the whole thing, from Aral deadpanning right back at Cordelia when she says “Shopping” to “I suggest you throw yourselves to his mercy. He may still have some (I certainly don’t)”, but that particular line is fantastic.

2) Miles declaring himself a knight-errant in Reina Csurik’s name, to himself. Possibly my favorite quote in all the series (though it is a long one,) and such a stellar novella.

3) “On my order. On my hands.” Gonna pick a scene that isn’t one of my favorites to reread just because I loved it SO MUCH last time: Elli Quinn ordering a cryochamber dumped to save Miles, knowing exactly what she’s doing as she says it and that he would never give that order himself. Heartwrenching, especially coming right on the heels of Mark suddenly and abruptly accepting that he is Mark.

Runners up: Elena rolling on the floor laughing as Miles and Gregor effortlessly play Cavilo despite being on separate spaceships with a time delay, totally improvised; Literally all of Memory but especially Miles realizing who he is and the Fishing Trip; Miles performing Shakespeare at Duv Galeni while on fast penta because he had the entirety of Richard III memorized (jumping up and down on the benches and doing falsetto for the women’s parts, of course); Mark adopting a brilliant but financially-challenged scientist and his thousands of bugs and then getting everyone else in on his new business venture.

[luvfy0dor]

I Like my Boyfriend !! ♡ Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader ༉‧₊˚.

╰┈➤ Word Count; 2.9k ♡

Warnings; Cheating, angst, some Sigma x reader, abandonment, perchance ooc

Description; Your boyfriend wasn't treated the best as a member of the DOA, the sole benefit being the casino he gets, but that casino is the very place his own partner starts to feel more for his boss than him.

A/N; Im so sorry y'all I know I should be doing requests instead but I think I won't be able to work on other stuff if I don't write this out ykwim ��

The sky casino became just as much of your home as Sigmas when you started seeing him romantically. You spent many nights there, convincing Sigma to come and lie down with you when he was over working himself or massaging his shoulders after he had to deal with a stressful conflict between visitors. Sigma had welcomed you into his home with open arms once he was convinced you wouldn't take advantage of his naivety, sharing his rather short yet tragic life story and entrusting that you would be as loyal to him as he was to you.

The heels of Sigmas shoes clicked against the floor, making a soft tapping sound as you walked through the Casino corridors, his arm hooked around yours. His long, choppy hair fell over his shoulders so beautifully, the silky strands bouncing as he walked. He seemed tired today, having a little less pep in his step then usual, if you could even call it that. Energy was a better word, the poor boy looked utterly drained this morning. These are all the things you would usually notice and tell him about later, either through means of complimenting him or gently scolding him for spending too many hours memorizing small details about the casino's customers. Today was different, though. Your mind was clouded with the thoughts of someone else, another man, specifically the one you were so excitedly making your way to visit.

Ofcourse, whenever Sigma is around, you feigned strong dislike towards Fyodor, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You enjoyed your short time spent around Fyodor, he was utterly sublime in your eyes in every single category; smarts, looks, and honestly everything else. Despite his musty-seeming aura, he actually kept himself very hygienic. He showered every morning, alluring you with the clean and fresh scent of whatever soap he used to scrub away any accumulated dirt from the day prior. The quiet and quick glances you took of each other made your heart flutter, having to bite your lip in order to hold back a flustered, shaky breath.

You didn't realize just how emotionally disloyal you were to Sigma until he started ranting about Fyodor one evening and you objected him. It's not like you said anything too jaw dropping in your opinion, instead you said something along the lines of "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit, honey? He's not all that bad." Was that the right thing to say to your boyfriend in that moment? No, absolutely not. Would that be the right thing to say to Sigma in literally any other moment? No, absolutely not². You knew that, you knew that real good and well, yet you couldn't stop your words once they already started to pour out of your mouth like a waterfall. The look of absolute shock and betrayal that painted Sigmas face was one you wouldn't forget in a million lifetimes. You could still hear the sound of his angered, yet not aggressive questions lingering in the back of your head at all times. Anytime you peeked in Fyodors direction with a blush on your face, you heard it.

"Y/n, are you being serious? You know about everything he's done, to me, to all those innocent people!" Sigma quietly murmured to you, the room falling silent with no white noise in the background to take your attention away from his truthful words. "And you really think he's not all that bad?" He says, visibly heartbroken, especially since he had shared all this with you; he trusted you to be the first person to back him up when he participated in Fyodor discourse, you taking the opposing side was something he could almost never predict. In all honesty, he didn't think you would have the heart to.

Sigma firmly believed that if you fell in love with another man, you would atleast tell him instead of leading him along like a horse with a carrot on a stick, but he was clearly wrong. He noticed your brief glances and exchanges with Fyodor, he noticed the way you started to get more nervous around him, and not the unsettling nervousness. It was the kind of nervousness a high schooler would have when talking with their crush. The kind of nervousness you get when you quickly interact with someone you've been so actively pursuing for months now, feeling as though you're finally making progress over a mumbled "excuse me" or "I'm sorry." Sigma believed that you were making progress with redirecting your hearts focus to him rather than to his superior, but today was going to either prove him right or wrong.

"Are you alright?" Sigma asks, the speed of his walking slowing down a bit as he turns to you, his eyes fluttering from your eyes to your lips quickly. You gave him a small smile and nodded. "Ofcourse, why do you ask?" You softly ask him, twirling some of his hair around your finger.

"No particular reason. You just seem a little...dazed this morning. Did you sleep well?" You hummed in confirmation, giving his hand a small squeeze. "Ofcourse I did, I had you sleeping next to me." You smile, knowing damn well you were lying through your teeth. You still loved Sigma, but recently many nights you found yourself gazing out the window, watching the stars for a while as you question your relationship with him. The main reason you stayed was because you weren't confident that Fyodor was in love with you the way you were in love with him.

"Alright." Sigma sighs, reaching for the handle of one of two big doors that towered over you both. "Let's just get this done and over with." He mumbles, pushing the door inwards and walking into the relatively spacious office. Fyodor sits in one of the chairs near Sigmas desk, adjusting his ushanka as he gazes at you both over his shoulder. "Good morning, Fyodor." Sigma says, sitting in his personal chair. Your eyes were glued on Fyodor as your brain turned off it's comprehension function, to dazed by the beauty of his gorgeous, purple eyes. You could hear both of the men speaking, but you had no idea what either of them were saying. You listened to the Russian accent in Fyodors voice, imagining him saying the things you wanted him to. You wanted to hear him tell you how lovely and fantastic you are, you wanted him to tell you he wanted to spend every moment of the day with you, your mind even slipping into fantasies of marrying him; envisioning pretty flowers on tables and what you would say in your vows.

You snapped out of your fantasy just in time to notice Fyodor looking straight at you, continuing to talk with sigma but staring into your soul. You blushed and averted your eyes from him for the very first time since you arrived in the room, diving back deep into your silly little fantasies about an average life with Fyodor before being so rudely interrupted by a loud and echoing knock. Sigma beckoned the person inside, the person only turning out to be one of the casinos many lower-ranked staff.

"Sigma, you're needed out on the floor. I'm not quite sure for what, but one of the customers requested to speak with you." This evoked a loud sigh from Sigma, who didn't really want to leave you alone with a man you had been "all over" a couple of months ago (and still were) , but he really had no choice. In the end, however, he would sacrifice you and your loyalty if it meant he got to keep the one thing he finds true, genuine, and unwavering stability in. The familiar sound and echo of his shoes fill in the silence, the door being left wide open deliberately. The staff member follows Sigma out onto the casino floor, leaving you and Fyodor in the room together, sitting across from each other. You stared at him for a moment, and leaned back in your chair.

"I noticed your staring. Do I have something on my face?" He asks, his calm yet teasing smile made a shiver run up your spine, giddy over the entire situation. Your boyfriend has stepped away, leaving you with your dream man. Alone. You shook your head at Fyodors question.

"No, no. Sorry." You mutter an apology, blushing. He hums, watching as you twiddle your thumbs or twirl your hair, doing anything you possibly could to avoid eye contact. He softly chuckles. "You seem so nervous around me...do I make you anxious? Are you scared of me?" He asks, continuing to tease you and trying to get you to admit your attraction, to which you shake your head quickly. "Not at all, no. I just...sorry, I didn't mean to stare...zoned out." You mumble. He lets out a soft "ohhh" , nodding and leaning back in his chair, his legs crossed.

The room falls silent for a moment, the clouds slowly passing by outside hold your attention. You can so clearly feel his eyes burning holes in the back of your head, and if that had hurt you, it must have been utterly agonizing for him. You turn to look at him, your head tilting ever so slightly. Your eyes immediately lock with his, creating even more tension in the room than you had previously thought possible. "I know where your attraction lies." He says with a smirk, resting his head on his slightly balled fists. Your face felt as though it had immediately lit up in flames of embarrassment, trying to arrange your words in the most intelligible way possible.

"Ofcourse you do, you're a smart man." You say, raising one of your eyebrows and bouncing your leg a bit. "Ah, and Sigma is not?" He mutters with a large grin. You sigh a bit, shaking your head.

"I don't recall saying that." He hums, nodding. "You didn't say that, but it was kind of implied. Unless, ofcourse, Sigma knows that you're far more interested in me than you are in him." He says, rising from his chair and walking over to you. He gently grasps your face, squeezing your cheeks ever so slightly between his thumb and every other finger. His gaze flickers between your eyes and lips in the same way Sigmas had earlier that day. This time, instead of feeling nothing at all, you felt a strong, almost magnetic urge to connect your lips to his. One of your hands found itself on Fyodors chest, the other on his thin bicep.

"You're right, it did sound that way. I think he knows, but I think he's really trying to salvage the relationship." You say, subconsciously leaning into Fyodors body. You barely felt sorry, any pang of guilt that nearly hit your heart was rebounded right off because of the high speed that Fyodor had caused it to beat at. The pure excitement and thrill you felt any time he acknowledged your existence made your heart flutter, easily overriding every other emotion. You knew he could feel it too, his eyes softening compared to when he conversed with Sigma, a new gentleness to them. His thumb gently caressed your jawline as he shamelessly stared at your lips. "Hm, so you're leading him on, no?" A soft chuckle erupts from his chest, his hand moving away from your face to rest in the space between your neck and shoulder, almost pulling you in closer.

"You're right again, what a surprise." You smile, flashing your teeth in the slightest as you both mutually lean in, ready to kiss before Fyodor brings his finger up to your lips. "Hm, no, not right at this moment." He grins, pulling away and removing his hands from your neck. You can't help but frown at the lack of affection, this doesn't go unnoticed by the highly observant Fyodor.

"You can get all of that and more from Sigma, dear." He smiles, almost as if he were trying to pull a confession out of you, and boy, was it working. Both of you knew you didn't want that attention from Sigma, not anymore at least. You had seemingly gotten bored after about a year or so. Ofcourse Sigma had his qualities that kept you enthralled for some amount of time, but Fyodor really could offer you all that and a bag of chips. Fyodor was more so your type than Sigma was, and obviously Sigma was beautiful, but Fyodor was resplendent. Sigma was determined, but Fyodor was unwavering, every quality you seemingly loved about Sigma was easily one-upped by Fyodor, and yet you still stayed with Sigma.

You groan a bit. "Fyodor, I don't want the affection from him." You say, caressing his shoulders as he sits, planted in the original chair he had greeted you both from. You softly stroke the fur on Fyodors ushanka as he hums, acknowledging your statement. "Oh, I'm fully aware of that." He mutters. "Why do you think you deserve it? You're quite rude. Leading such a naive man on like that." His grin never fades as he sits cross-legged in the comfortable chair, teasing you with his words.

"You can't talk, you've done worse, and regardless, Sigma may be naive, but he's not emotionally stupid." You say, trying to convince Fyodor to hand you the love and attention that you want from him on a silver platter. He hums, seemingly thinking for a moment. "Mm...maybe later, we'll see." His Russian accent is as present as ever while he speaks.

You nod. "Alright, I guess it'll be worth the wait." You say, playfully rolling your eyes before returning to your chair next to Sigmas. It doesn't take too much longer for Sigma to re-enter the room, reclaiming his spot next to you, the spot that you wish was being occupied by Fyodor. Again, you zoned out, not really caring to listen to whatever it was that they were blabbering about. You found yourself stuck in some demented loop every time Fyodor was in your presence, always ending up almost entranced by him. Bewitched, even, and then going back to Sigma the second he left yet still having him overtake your thoughts and desires. This had to come to an end, and you knew it.

As soon as Fyodor exited the room, you would tell Sigma everything. About how you've simply fallen for Fyodor instead, not intending to break his heart but going unbothered if you did. About how you've been thinking about it for a couple of months now and it was time to end this. It just was not what your heart wanted and had it gone on any longer, it likely would have been detrimental to Sigma. Your heart simply could not beat for him anymore.

You heard them wrap their conversation up, Fyodor standing to shake Sigmas hand, which he hesitantly accepted. They said their goodbyes, and Fyodor grinned at you before he walked out of the office room. Sigma sighed and sat back down for a moment. He looked exasperated, and you knew what you're about to say was only going to make things worse.

"Sigma." You called his name softly, not wanting to disturb him just yet. You gently massage his scalp as he hums in response, leaning his head back into your hands. "I'm not in love with you anymore." You mumble. You can hear his breath hitch and his eyes widening for a moment, his whole body freezing as if someone had hit a pause button on his life. He brings his hand up and pushes yours off of his head, getting up out of his chair. "And you're one hundred percent sure of that?" He asks, his face still having a baffled expression. You nod.

"Alright. Get out." He says, pointing to the door of his office. A part of you wants to apologize, but it would be disingenuous, so you only nod as you head for the doors. Once you shut them behind you, you pick up your speed to a jog and search the hallways for Fyodor. You turn numerous corners before you spot the familiar black fabric of his cape, encouraging you to pick up your pace a little more. "Fyodor!" You call out to him, slowing down when he turns around and grins, indicating your possession of his attention. You walk up to him and start to speak after catching your breath.

"Him and I are over, we're done, I'm not leading him along anymore." You admit, staring deep into Fyodors eyes. "Oh, and how are you so sure I'm not doing the exact same thing to you that you did to him?" Fyodor asks, his hair falling towards one side as he tilts his head, looking you up and down. You roll your eyes a bit. "Are you?" You question the Russian man in front of you.

"No, but what if I was? That would certainly be a crime-fitting punishment scenario, I feel." A small smile is present on his face as he looks at you, taking in every detail of your face, noticing how truly void it was of guilt for your actions. Maybe some pity for Sigma, but nothing more. You smile at his sentence. "Hmm...I don't know, I'd probably be pretty sad." You murmur, placing one hand on his shoulder. "So it's a good thing you're not.

He grins and leans in before whispering softly against your lips. "It absolutely is, someone needs to give you that attention you crave so desperately, right?" He softly says, his grin doesn't fade as your lips connect in a kiss, his hand on your face softly caressing your cheeks. After a moment, you pull away for oxygen.

You nod a bit at his question prior to the kiss. "Yes, and I'm so glad it's gonna be you."༉‧₊˚.

[astrum-aetherium]

What do you think Henry whispered in Camilla's ear at the end? It's a moment that really stuck with me somehow and I love hearing theories about it

what can possibly be more personal, more ponderous and intimate than i love you?

i'm sure this is something everyone who has read TSH has previously wondered about. i know i have. what i also know is that the most common theory is "live forever", and yes — it would make sense, given that henry is undeniably a devoted little teacher's pet to julian, but it does seem a little melodramatic to me (specifically because julian did abandon them all in the end as well, lol). henry going out with a bang (literally) wouldn't be defined by something as simple as that, however much meaning is attached to it in theory. besides, we've all heard that theory a million times over. i'll offer a new one.

he's goddamn pretentious. to the bone. he refused to take his SATs and thereby consciously denied himself the opportunity to attend any prestigious schools (which he would've certainly gotten into and dominated) for singularly aesthetic reasons. you simply can't get more pretentious than that. i always say that he's too intelligent for his own good — to the point it no longer benefits him at times. just too smart to possess any ability to reflect on himself. almost amusing in that way.

therefore, i believe it was something along the lines of a riddle — something that would keep camilla puzzling over it for a long time succeeding his death. and yes, you can say that his suicide was an impulsive decision and all that, but he had been (even verbally) entertaining suicidal ideology way before he actually went through with it. plus, he just seems like someone who would have something like that — his last words — memorized and ready to go at all times, specifically at a time as dangerous as toying with the possibility of being detained and thrown in jail for murder. just a thought.

i'm almost 100% sure it was also in any language other than english, according to his customs. i've already elaborated on how pretentious he is. he wouldn't make it easy for anyone to figure him out that quickly, not even camilla. the i love you was just a premise, nearly nothing compared to the whisper. and if it's not english, then it must be one of the languages that he does know. assuming that it's either latin or ancient greek, he would go out of his merry way to make it as complex and hardly translatable as he can. he would apply the most archaic of archaic versions of those languages, even with one simple phrase. as i said, he would've planned it out beforehand deliberately. it makes perfect sense.

what it would be, however, is a whole other conversation of its own. maybe that very "i love you" or previously mentioned "live forever", just in a different language. that is the simplest answer i can offer. i like to dig deeper when it comes to mysteries such as this one, though, so i've been gathering my thoughts all day today in order to predominantly satisfy myself with an obnoxiously pretentious answer. how about: "to the stars" (kitsch but fitting, obviously convoluted, and in a different language) or a translated version of "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" — just to deride religion and tradition one last time. or, perhaps, "permanence". something that perpetuates his convicted disbelief in vanitas. "never gone"; "the conclusion". and i know, all of these sound dumb as hell in english, but do remember — they would be uttered in a different language, and in a complex way, too. to be mulled over; wondered about for a long time, even as a scholar.

someone needs to hook me up with ms tartt's phone number so we can settle this once and for all, lol. but then again, i don't want to know. i don't want a simple answer to such a mystifying, ponderous question. i'm fine with eternally musing over it — it certainly keeps me entertained.

[kotylynnemerrill]

Okay...so ch. 2...since I kept picturing different scenes - I'm gonna go ahead and write them out - it gave me the idea to do this fic out of order...like snippets from different times and situations during their lives together. I love fics like this...so this fic is not gonna be in any kind of order...deal with it 😘

Also I really appreciate all of you who like, reblog or comment on this. Means more than you know.

PSA this ch a lil sad y'all. But don't worry...my fics will always have a happy ending.

Also no one said I was good at writing action sequences so...if it sucks y'all have officially been warned.

God I really hope you guys are liking this...

Your Words I Hold Forever Ch. 2

December 19th, 1968 7:20pm

Fez sighed heavily as he peered down at his hands... probably permanently dirty and blistered now. He assessed his handy work thus far, and frowned. The hole wasn't deep enough - no yet. But, it was getting late, and the camp was fairly quiet except for the hushed voices coming from his platoon mates.

He needed a break.

Five minutes. He would get a quick drink of water and sit for just five minutes...then he would get back to it. And hopefully Ethan would show up soon.

Ethan was supposed to be holed up with him for the night (helping dig the fox hole too he thought annoyed) but he hadn't shown up yet.

Where the hell was he?

Fez let out a sigh, figuring he'd show up eventually, and set the short-handel shovel against the wall of the hole next to his rifle with a 'thunk'. He grabbed his canteen and took a long drink, recapped it, and situated himself on the ground. The unusually cool clay felt nice against his back as leaned against it, like an ice pack on his skin.

He set the canteen next to his outstretched legs and his fingers instinctually grabbed at the side of his thigh where there was a large pocket...felt the small notebook there and closed his eyes.

He would finish the letter later...in the morning perhaps, if time allowed. He would let her know he was thinking of her...always. He would let her know he was okay and that things had been calm, peaceful almost.

Nothing like what happened two months ago with Nate, Mackay...and the Vietnamese girl. And certainly nothing like what happened to Nickle...and the attack on that village south of Hol An.

He just wanted to be home, home with his family...home with Lexi.

Fez wondered how Lexi was getting along now...so close to the due date. She had mentioned being tired and sore, and complaining of swollen ankles in the last letter he had received. But she seemed happy and the baby was doing great, and growing...a lot.

It was a trip to think that in just six or seven weeks he and Lexi would be parents. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to the idea. It still didn't feel real to him. Maybe because he wasn't there with Lexi to experience everything, all the little milestones, like most soon to be fathers.

But he had the letters Lexi would send and he considered that good as gold. He memorized the little details she would share...

Baby has fingernails. Baby's heart kinda sounds like galloping horses. Linea nigra is a vertical dark line that appears on your belly. Baby is literally able to do summersaults. Baby is 17 1/2 inches long, and 6.8 pounds, they're going to be chunky. Baby's kidneys are fully developed now. Apparently, carrying low and sideways means Baby is a boy more than likely, but that information comes from both Kitty and mom - more than likely that's not accurate.

He was thankful Suze had calmed down and was trying to be supportive...had even begun to back off the drinking and found a new jones for painting. And, according to Lexi, was currently in the midst of creating a mural for the nursery.

He hoped he would get to see it.

"Hey O'Neil!" Someone whispered from above him, bringing him out of his thoughts. "Man you got any extra -"

Fez barely had enough time to look up before a loud stream of pops assaulted his ears and he felt something wet spray against the left side of his face and chest. His heart sprung from his chest and lodged in his stomach.

He was on his feet in an instant, bounding up off the ground just in time as the kid...Hardy...he thought that had been his name...fell into the hole. Almost on top of him.

The kids left eye was completely blown out and there was a second hole just below that, nothing but a crater of mangled red meat, bone and teeth.

Fez grabbed his rifle and leapt out of the fox hole, just as a grenade set off on the other side of the camp...then another...closer this time. Once he reached the top of the hole he whirled the m16 quickly into the shooting position and clicked the safety off.

Chaos broke out.

There was nothing but noise and shouting around him now. He could see what looked like thousands of fireflies wizzing by in quick single line successions. First from the south side of the camp, then another a mere two hundred yards to his left.

Fuck! Where was he supposed to aim?

With the approaching dark, and now the smoke from the grenades and m16 rounds shrouding the edge of the surrounding forest in a thick fog, he couldn't make out shit.

He could see only a handful of his platoon mates, rushing to get to the safety of their fox holes. He saw more trying to hide behind and underneath the few M-113 APC vehicles parked at the camp.

Something whizzed past his head causing him to duck down in a kneeling position.

"Fez! Get down!" He looked over to see three of his platoon mates in a fox hole about sixty feet from him. One of them was frantically pointing to his right towards the west side of the camp. "VC to the west! Shoot damnit - shoot -" another explosion ripped through the ground just as Fez turned his head to look where the guy had been pointing.

The sound was deafening and there was a shrill ringing in Fez's ears. The smell of sulfur nearly choked him. When he looked back, the fox hole was now a large crater and enveloped in swirls of smoke.

Fez's turned to head back to his own fox hole, towards safety, when something hit him in the chest...then in the stomach. Another hard thud to his left shoulder sent him spinning and he fell backwards into the fox hole, landing on his side.

He let out a loud gasp and pain exploded within his chest as his body slumped, rolling him onto his stomach, and he tried to catch his breath. He tried to free the arm pinned beneath him, but he couldn't move.

He took another breath in...more pain, this time followed by a distinct squelching rattle as he exhaled.

Oh fuck...

He could still hear the chaos unfolding above him but with dred he noticed the noise was less distinguishable now.

Fuck! Not like this...

Fez had once told Lexi he believed in God...not now...not in this place, but if he was about to meet 'him' he prayed the big guy would take him soon. He prayed he would keep Lexi safe and give her strength.

He didn't want to leave her like this...but...

A rage suddenly boiled inside of Fez. Fuck the big guy...why did it have to end like this...His eyes stung as the tears began to form.

He could feel warmth and wetness spread beneath him. He was bleeding out. A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye, leaving a wavy streak down the strong bridge of his nose.

He thought back to how pissed Lexi had been when he had finally got the courage to tell her he was being shipped out to Nam. All the things he had said...promises he had made. What fucking good were they now...

He always figured he would get fucked over considering his line of work back in Cali. He hadn't been lying when he said everybody eventually had to pay for all the wrong they did...but not her.

He didn't figure she would be punished as well.

Or maybe Lexi and the baby were his punishment. Giving him hope of having something he desperately wanted...then taking it away.

But they didn't need to suffer along with him.

Fez felt heavy now, like his body was weighed down and fused with the dark red earth beneath him. He felt sleepy almost...maybe that wasn't quite the right word. But he couldn't keep his eyes open. He blinked rapidly but it didn't help.

The gunfire, explosions...the shouting sounded even more distant now, like how he would hear it when he had been a newbie stationed in Tien-sha...it sounded miles away. He could still feel the ground shake though, followed by a shower of dirt.

He just needed to close his eyes...

The night he and Lexi met flashed in his mind. The classy outfit, red lips and the most beautiful doe eyes.

He had felt grimmy wanting her, such an obviously good girl...she would never feel the same Fez had told himself but like with most things in his life he felt sure about, he had been wrong...so wonderfully wrong.

The ground shook again, a spray of dirt from the opposite side this time hit him, covering his face.

It was a warm evening, in his grandmother's living room, the music playing softly. Giving her a twirl as they danced.

Their first night together...tears and nervous touches...soft skin beneath his fingertips. Cinnamon colored hair splayed across his pillow...the soft delicious sounds she had made.

Fez slowly flexes his fingers again, moving them until he feels the notebook in his side leg pocket. He shudders...

It was still there. Tucked in between the pages was a photo of Lexi she had sent with her last letter. A grainy photo but beautiful. She was wearing a loose fitting dress and looking down at her lap, a soft smile gracing her lips. She was looking at her hands placed protectively over the growing swell there. Visible proof of the life growing within her...the life he had helped create.

Fez began praying out loud. He wasn't for sure if he was hearing the words he was speaking, but someone was going to fucking hear.

"Oh Lord thou art in heaven...bless them and keep them safe...keep them safe within the folds of your gracious arms...forgive me...forgive me..."

A sob slipped from his quivering lips.

" Oh Lord please forgive me...Lexi please...forgive..."