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kotylynnemerrill · 13 hours ago

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Alrighty y'all,

Can't believe it but here's ch. 10!

As always I hope y'all enjoy it, and again a big thanks to the wonderful @aquamarine-dreamer for helping me edit this beast.

Words I Hold Forever Ch. 10

September 11th, 1968 5:58 pm

Thunder clapped loudly as Lexi turned the page of her book. She glanced up just in time to catch a brief flash of bright light through the store window.

A whisper of breath escaped her lips as she returned her focus to the book.

She and Ash had finished ‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’ and were now reading ‘The Inhabitant of the Lake and Less Welcome Tenants’ by Ramsey Campbell, a collection of interconnected short horror stories Ash had picked out.

Normally she wouldn’t be reading while in charge of the register, but due to the storm the Dairy had been horribly barren of customers, so she decided to take advantage of the quiet.

Ash, of course, was slightly annoyed by this. ‘Light work’ he called it, but Kitty, with a self-satisfied smile, reminded him he was still treading on thin ice. Apparently, ‘what the hell do you want’ is not something you should say to customers, and Ash knew better than to push his luck.

She glanced up again as the storage room door opened and Kitty walked in holding a medium-sized cardboard box in her arms, along with what Lexi assumed was the day’s mail tucked in her left hand.

“Ash still moping?” she asked the blond woman as she set the box down on the floor beside the counter.

Lexi tried her best to ignore the envelopes in Kitty’s hand, but her eyes darted to them anyway, something she did out of habit now. Always searching for the familiar red and blue border of an air mail envelope.

Her lips pulled downward a little when the only thing she could make out was plain white envelopes.

“Does he do anything else?”

Lexi softly chuckled, earning a smirk from Kitty.

“Okay, we got some flashlights, just in case the electricity goes out, plus some extra candles, matches and batteries.”

“Should we be worried about flooding?”

“Nah. Everything is supposed to clear up by tomorrow. We might close up shop early though before it gets too bad. This is gonna go on all night.” As if to accentuate her words, there was another rumble, closely followed by a loud crack so close Lexi could feel the vibrations through the surface of the counter where her forearms rested.

Kitty muttered under her breath and turned towards the storage door, “Ash! Come here and take this box to the caddy please.”

There was a muffled response before Ash appeared a few seconds later with a scowl on his face. He grabbed the box roughly and headed towards the door. He spared Lexi a glance as he passed her and noticed the book held loosely in her hands.

“Which story you on?”

“One where the killer uses a meat hook to dispatch his victims.”

“He get Mrs. Rion yet?”

“Not yet – wait, he kills Mrs. Rion?”

“Maybe.”

Lexi let out a ‘humph’ in disappointment. “Well damn.”

Ash snickered as he made his way out the door.

“Jesus, what are you two reading?” revulsion laced Kitty's voice.

“Some murder mystery…it was Ash’s turn to pick,” Lexi replied with a shrug.

“Oh, fantastic.” Kitty rolled her eyes. She began flipping through the mail and suddenly stopped, a smile forming on her lips. “Here, take a break from that – I got something better.”

Lexi frowned, confused, as she closed the book, but then saw what Kitty was holding in her outstretched hand.

Red and blue border - ‘via air mail’ logo with the eagle wings on either side.

“Oh!” She nearly choked as she shoved the book to the side and snatched the envelope from Kitty's grasp. She read her name in his neat angular scroll and clutched the envelope to her chest.

“Go on, go out to the car so you can read whatever mushy word vomit he's written you, and I’ll have Ash help me with closing up.”

Grinning, Lexi hopped off the stool she was sitting on with as much grace as her excitement would allow and rushed Kitty, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Are you sure?” Lexi asked when she let her go. “I can help before –”

“Go on. You've been waiting for this letter. I’m still gonna kick his scrawny ass.” Kitty finished with a shake of her head, more as an afterthought…a reminder.

“Who’s ass we kickin’?” Both women turned to see Ash standing in the doorway, wiping rain from his face.

“Your brother’s.”

He quickly shut the door and walked over to the counter where Lexi was holding out a roll of paper towels she had pulled from under the counter. “Here.”

Ash mumbled a ‘thanks’ before taking the roll, tearing off several sheets, and setting it down on the counter. He dried the rest of his face, forearms, and hands before handing the wet paper towels to Lexi.

She scrunched her nose as she took the soiled trash and tossed it in the small waste basket under the counter.

“Yeah.” Ash ran a hand over his short dark hair. “Dumbass – he gotta make it back first.”

“Well, no matter - in this life or the next,” Kitty grumbled. “Now come on. You're helping me count the register, then we're heading out.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Thanks Kitty.” Lexi gave Kitty another quick hug before grabbing her hooded jacket and putting it on. She secured the hood over her head and put the letter in the left large side pocket, then tucked the book in the other pocket.

“Where are you going?” Ash asked, exasperation heavy in his voice.

“None of your business – stop bothering her.” Kitty swatted the back of his head. Ash opened his mouth to protest when Lexi kissed her fingertips and patted his cheek as she passed him before continuing towards the door.

She barely caught Ash’s unamused ‘what the hell’ as she made her way out the door.

Thankfully it wasn't raining as hard as she thought, but the downpour was steady. With a sigh, Lexi hugged the jacket tighter around her and darted down the steps and into the rain.

She quickly made it to the passenger side door and practically flung herself into the seat when she got it open. Just as quickly, she shut the door and nearly cursed when she realized she had nothing to dry her hands on.

Lexi settled for wiping them on her jeans, the only part of her that didn’t get damp, and once her hands were dry enough, she pulled the letter from her pocket.

Her hands were shaking slightly as she released the top fold from its seal and pulled the piece of notebook paper free, discarding the envelope on the dash.

She held it in her hands for a moment, letting the sinking feeling in her stomach dissipate. Why was she nervous? She shouldn't be, her heart told her he would be nothing but supportive, but deep down a doubt had made a home within her. Ugly and nauseating.

She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

Maybe it was residual emotions from the fight with her mom, who still hadn’t reached out. Lexi didn't really expect her to, but she had hoped. She still wanted her mother.

Another intake of air.

Just do it – read it!

Lexi unfolded the letter, and her hand instinctively went to the growing swell of her stomach as she began to read.

*****

Lexi,

It feels like it’s been forever since I last wrote to you.

Wish I could have written sooner, but the past few days have been busy…more like hell, if I’m being honest.

We’ve moved away from our post at Da Nang, and we've settled just outside a small village about thirty clicks (18 miles) south of Hol An.

This place is beautiful. It’s incredibly isolated and, of course, surrounded by a ton of jungle, but it's beautiful. There’s a constant thrumming and everything is incredibly vibrant.

Reminds me a little bit of those fantasy books you've been telling me about. If I can, I'll be sure to start sending pictures so you can see for yourself.

I got your letter on the 1st and I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. I’ve probably started this letter a hundred times by now, but I keep scrapin’ it every time.

I guess God didn't see it necessary to bless me with the gift of words…not like you. Maybe I don't need them to be all fancy, but I wanna say the right thing, you know?

I’ve never really allowed myself to want things…big things. The farm, and the family we talked about, those were just dreams…never goals I actually envisioned for myself.

My life in Cali – the choices I made, a part of me I think kinda always thought maybe it was too risky. Plus, Kitty always made it a point to tell me love was an instinct you couldn’t trust. And if it did happen…I don’t know, I was always too afraid to let myself find out.

Until now.

Now I find myself thinking about those things all the time…and more and more I’m realizing I want these things – I want them with you.

Something about you…how you make me feel. The way you treat me like I’m equal, like I’m someone valuable, has changed that.

And now you’re having a baby. Our baby – that’s wild.

I’m still trying to process the gravity of what that means. I can only imagine how you’re feeling.

I want you to know I’m scared too…nearly threw up the first time I read your letter.

This is not how I wanted things to go. I never meant to get you into any kind of situation. And I sure as hell never meant for you to have to deal with something like this on your own. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am, especially if things get messy…if they haven’t already.

I can’t stand the thought of being the reason your family is put out with you. I already have a pretty good idea how they gonna feel about me after this.

I hate that too…

I don’t want that for you. I don’t want them thinkin’ you’ve ruined your life or that you’re stuck with some deadbeat’s kid.

It makes me angry because a part of me fears that it’s true. I caused this mess and left you to pick up the pieces…not intentionally but…

You deserve a lot more than that…a lot more than me, and I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful.

But I don't regret it. And I could never be mad about something like this.

I can't. Not when it feels like fate, like this thing between us was predestined.

Call it love, or whatever you want - it is what it is, and I can't change it now. You're it for me.

I want to be able to reassure you that everything will be okay – I hope it will be. But I don’t want to make you a promise I can’t keep.

But I will promise this….

You’re not alone in this. We did this together, and I’m gonna support you no matter what.

I probably don't gotta say it, but if things aren't good with your mom after you tell her about the baby…or if something happens to me, I want you to go to Kitty. She'll look after you – both of you. Whatever you need.

And I have some money saved up…nothing impressive, but it'd be enough to give you a good start - help Kitty and Ash out a little bit too.

It's the best I can do for now.

I imagine Kitty will have a few choice words to say about this, but she loves you just as much as I do. She’s not going to blame you, that’s for sure.

But I don’t want you to worry about that. Just keep up the prayers (they might actually be working) and do what you need to do to keep yourself right.

A couple of the guys in my platoon have kids and I thought about asking them for advice…help me prepare a little bit, I guess, but I haven’t done it yet.

I don’t know, I kinda like being the only one here who knows…like it’s my lucky rabbit’s foot or something.

Sometimes it’s hard not to pipe in though when the guys are talking…

My friend Hardy was telling me a story about his little boy the other day, something he doesn't do often - says it's bad juju to talk about personal stuff when you're at war.

It was his son's first day of kindergarten or something like that. I didn’t get too caught up on the details, but he had this look on his face…

Love, pure devotion, pride. He was practically glowing and it floored me a little bit.

I hope I get to experience that, to share that with you.

For now, I guess the letters will have to do, so I want lots of them. Let me know how our kids doing . I’m sure soon you’ll be learning all kinds of facts.

You should have Kitty take some photos too…one every month so I can see the progress of the bump.

It’s getting dark now, too dark to write, and this torch I got hanging from my bunk is doing a piss poor job as a lamp.

I don’t know what else to say anyway…but I love you and I miss you.

Tell Kitty and Ash I love them too and I'll write them a letter soon. And make sure Ash behaves - he's the man of the house right now and needs to start acting like it. Tell him to keep up with his schoolwork too.

And I want you to tell Kitty about the money - she's not exactly oblivious to my little side hustle but tell her (if she asks) I did it because I wanted to be able to give something back.

P.S.

Kiss the belly for me.

Forever yours,

Fez

*********

Lexi’s eyes stung as she finished the letter, and her hands began to shake again. She slumped back into the seat, letting out a long breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in. She let the letter slip from her hands as she brought them up to cover her suddenly very warm face.

Kitty opened the driver’s side door as Lexi let out a sob. Ash opened the passenger door a second later…

“Hey –” he paused seeing Lexi was crying. “What’s the matter with you?” Lexi could hear the alarm in his voice, but she couldn’t speak. She was only making soft whimpering noises in response.

“Ash, get in the back seat.” Kitty scolded, motioning with her thumb. He spotted the letter in Lexi’s lap and understood. Without another word, he made his way to the back passenger door, opened it, and climbed in.

Kitty climbed in the driver’s seat very slowly, like she was approaching a wild animal or a bomb and shut her door.

“Well, what’s the scoop? He okay?”

Lexi hiccupped and sniffled slightly, as she let her hands fall to her lap.

“He said…he loves us and,” Lexi let out a long sigh. “And he said sorry it took so long to write. His platoon has moved out of Da Nang apparently. He…,” she swallowed thickly trying to loosen the lump in her throat, but it was too tight and hard to breath.

“Lexi… breathe doll.”

Her lips began to quiver as she swallowed again and took a couple of deep breaths. “And…” New tears filled her eyes. “He said kiss the belly for him.” Then the dam broke, and tears flowed down her cheeks again.

“Well, shit.” Kitty’s own eyes became glassy. “So, he’s on board? Well, of course he is.”

Lexi nodded.

“Oh Lexi, that’s great. And he’s okay?”

Lexi nodded again. Kitty leaned in grasping her by the face and gave her a big kiss on the forehead.

“Oh shit. I got lipstick on you.”

Lexi let out a watery laugh. “That’s okay.”

“Someone wanna explain what’s going on please?”

“Nothing bud. Everything’s going to be just fine.” Kitty smiled wide, gently pinching Lexi’s cheeks.

“Yeah…it’s going to be fine.” “He…there’s something he did want me to talk to you about…”

“When we get home. Okay?”

“Okay…”

Kitty nodded and took the keys from her pocket; they rattled as she stuck them in the ignition. With a twist of her wrist, the caddy roared to life.