#literally I don't know WHAT she's so upset about nobody knows she just started crying and left mid session

[xenodile]

mannn it doesn't feel good to vague about a friend that's not on tumblr but I swear if another tabletop group falls apart because she cannot handle literally any inter party conflict that only she knows about I'm gonna be really frustrated

[innocent-cat]

Hello, if you're still taking request could it be headcanons with with Vax, Percy, and Vex. (Separately)

Where the S/O is a lot like Yor Forger.

GUESS WHO IS BACK!!!!

Oh my gosh, I love SpyxFamily! right away xx

Reader x Vox Machina

Warnings - None

"Scarlet paint on their face", Assassin!Reader x Various

Vax

Okay, so, weird thing about both Vax AND Vex, they're extremely stalkerish.

the very MOMENT they thought you were acting even slightly suspicious, they immediately discussed it with each other.

"Vex-" "Yes, me too."

they most def hear EVERYTHING you do.

They had a little book that had information about everything you did.

your fault, why aren't you home by the mandatory curfew (that they implemented that nobody in fact listens to) of 8PM sharp?

You'll usually feel Vax's eyes on you when you come home after a bounty, but you choose to pretend you're oblivious to it so you can continue acting clueless.

HOWEVERRRR he eventually cornered you and confronted you.

you walked in and he was just like.. leaning against the wall all nerdy.. so you kinda just.. side eyed him and walked by..

"Where have you been?"

your heart dropped to your asssssss, him confronting you was so much scarier than it needed to be.

"What are you talking about?"

"We know you've been sneaking out. You're never home by 8."

"..Nobody follows that anyway, Vax.. not even Pikes home right now. Who are you, my dad?" You raised an eyebrow at him as you spoke down to him for asking you what's been going on.

"Vex told me you went to a washers covered in blood. What's that all about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe don't stalk random people, it's creepy, Vax." You scoff, and storm off to your room.

You sit down in your bed and heave a sigh, letting the knife drop that was hidden between your arm and side under your oversized blouse.

Vex

Vex was the first one to actually confront you and get an answer.

(all combined head cannons above for vax btw)

she low-key scared tf out of you when you turned the corner and saw her.

full on mom stance, arms crossed, face seething..

scary.

"If you won't tell Vax, you better tell me now."

Now, mind you, it was like.. 2am.. and you tried sneaking back in because you didn't have time for a outfit change.. so you did in fact look very incriminating with a knife in your hand, drenched in blood.

You have no clue to get out of it, so you fake cry xx

You drop your knife and start crying into your hands, mumbling.

Vex's face DROPS, and she goes to you and holds you, rocking you in her arms.

"I'm not MAD, I'm just upset you didn't tell me.."

After the little cry, she helps you clean yourself up from them on because OBVIOUSLY what gf wouldn't help.

she was honestly just mad you didn't tell her..

(sorry her's is so short!! I'm like super duper tired rn)

Percy

lmfaooo Percy been knew

the two of you have always just kind of

not talked about it?

of course, you both are aware that the other KNOWS,

it's just Percy wants to make sure he doesn't say something rude to you

he loves u too much xx

He frequently stitches you up, cleans your wounds, and washes your clothes when you come home after killing someone.

Of course, he understands you're very dangerous and skilled, but the fact you're his s/o comes before your large bounty.

"Again? Seriously? You're getting too injured to endure this job." he sighed out to you, frowning at your dampened physical state.

You did not reply, but you looked away, towards a a window opposite of him. You matched his face, frowning.

You flinch back as he applies alcohol to your wound, hissing slightly to your pain.

"Sorry." He mumbled out, and he lifted your shirt more.

He bandages the wound, sealing it so it doesn't become infected. He then pulls off your shirt, and sets it aside to wash later, handing you a new, clean shirt of your own.

he literally loves you so much please assure this boy you'll be fine

[stillfrownyclownlol]

I will also talk about Tyler because he's also not normal about stuff 🫠

Right from the start you get these signs he's protective to a detrimental level lol

(BTW Aidlyn scene cuz I'm not normal about them ❤️ The way he literally wraps his whole body in front of her sent me lmao. Mans got his leg around her and everything 🤡)

He's pretty much like this with Taylor in all their scenes. In the Sorrel House he puts his arm in front of her when they see the phantom (that he does not think is real, considering his reaction).

He also has a tendency to drag Taylor away from situations with out asking for her opinion on it 🫠 He just kinda assumes she will want to go with him. Like when he drags her out of the house after saying the phantom was just a prank.

Sir. PLEASE. Kinda possessive of you-

I don't think Red did this on purpose because like. She hasnt really brought up their culture/heritage or anything in the story so far lmao (I'm crying). But idk like just this behavior reminds me a lot of the guys in my family 🙃 I think Latino boys get kind of socialized to be more aggressive and protective of their families at their own expense. He definitely seems like the kind of brother to impose a curfew- He has control issues like. We all see it right? He's a control freak.

Obviously his dad dying has a lot to do with this. His mother took it extremely hard, so then Tyler "stepped up" to take care of both his mom AND his sister, he's been parentified since a very young age (he doesn't look older than 10 imo). I think he feels a need to "be the man of the house" so to speak. He genuinely does not seem to have any hard feelings towards his mom even tho she...you know, fucked up. if any of you know the "latino boys are mama boys" cliche, but.

yeah.

(I do think Taylor has more mom issues because she kinda resents how Tyler has been parentified and she's allowed herself to be angry at their mom for leaving them to fend for themselves)

Sidenote: It looks like his family is very isolated. Like, its strange that nobody came to help Marianna after Ethan died. This isn't always the case but usually Latinos have large families (my mom's family had to push together eight beds so all the cousins could sleep in one room lol) WHICH probably means Tyler's branch of the family is, so far, the first and only to have immigrated to the US. He's probably already a second or third generation tho, his mom has only one surname and he and his sister never seem to speak Spanish, so I don't think they learned it (probably some basics). I don't imagine they've ever been to Mexico except MAYBE when they were very young (its kinda rare to visit...since...it's so hard to get out of there in the first place...🫠 I dont think my parents have been to Venezuela in more than 20 years...but also Venezuela is in way worse condition, so...)

But yeah like. His protectiveness of Taylor is something that actively works against her and something she dislikes. She always looks upset when he drags her out of a situation or tells her what to do. She just wants to help :(

BABYYYYY 🥲

Ofc she never says anything because for most of her life Tyler has put himself in a position of authority and is her caretaker. It's hard to speak up to somebody when they constantly say "I'm doing this for your own good, for your own safety, for-" Whatever. Taylor always believes Tyler does everything for her own best interests, so... even when she doesn't feel good about something, she'll still listen to him. It's a veryyyyyy slippery slope that can quickly become toxic, if it isn't already. Because besides being her brother, he's put himself as her parent figure as well.

He does the thing. You know. Where parentified kids try to overcorrect so they kind of coddle their own children and don't let them do anything because they're scared to death something is gonna happen to them 💀

I don't really know what the point of this was I just wanted to talk about how possessive Tyler can be and how unhealthy his attachment style is 😭 If I write Tyler and Logan angst tho just know it's gonna involve Tyler being overprotective and Logan being Not Cool TM about it 🫠

[this-loser]

Through the Motions

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Author's Notes: I deleted my last story. Main reason: I had no idea what I was doing and where I was going with it. I'm gonna rewrite it but it will take me some time. So I'll start this little chapter work instead. I'll be updating slow so please don't be upset. You can also read on my AO3 account! HERE is the second chapter!

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「WC: 1,464 」

「Summary: It took one mistake of going to a party and another with you being in an alley watching utter chaos unfold with a guy that's called, Red Hood.」

「Warnings: Cursing, some mentions of alcohol and drugs with slight mentions of an abuser. Nothing too in depth just minor mentions is all.」

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「Chapter 1: Two Mistakes」

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God, the music was loud. Too loud. Being able to feel the bass in your chest and body is not entirely fun, and the fact that you had only come to the party was because your best friend had guilt-tripped you into it. For now, one mistake has been made that was coming to this party.

Second mistake was about to happen in approximately 35 minutes.

Voices, men and women. Laughter and the stench of sweaty bodies close together, alcohol, and- Christ, that guy does not know how to keep his hands off that girl's ass. You bring your cup up to your mouth at the sight, mind now pulled from the depths of thought before you glance down at your drink, half tempted to chunk it at the guy and then leave. I’m going home… You thought. Quietly, you made your way past people. Sometimes, needing to push by them and given the occasional annoyed glare or scoff from someone.

It did not take long for you to make it to the kitchen, dumping your drink into the sink and then tossing the red plastic cup into the trash before rushing out of the kitchen as a woman walks in, her friend behind her, and she passes her a lighter. Really? You could hear the thought bouncing around in your head like a ball in a pinball machine, the little "ting ting" from it hitting the sides of the machine echoing in the depths of your mind.

The music started up again. Rock. Loud and causing more people to be hyped up.

Stupid Girl

The irony of the song lyrics that could be loud enough to make out. How that alone made you roll your eyes, moving past more people and unable to find your friend. Your ride for the night is now gone.

Annoyance had started to build along with a headache as you finally made it to the door of the room, grabbing the knob and twisting it open, then letting the door slam shut behind you. The loud music muffled along with all the people in that damn party. You spared a glance at the door once more before letting out an exasperated sigh then taking the stairs out of the building.

Best place to hold a party where cops or nosy people could not be found. Find a relatively quiet and isolated abandoned building in the worst part of Gotham City. No. Scratch that. Any city, but especially not Gotham.

This place was not that good. Too many wacked-out loons running around. Some dressed as clowns, a literal scarecrow, and that weird guy- Mad Hatter? Was that the name he went by? Who cares; stay away.

You shook your head as your feet hit the first floor. Somehow, you could still hear the bass from the new song playing; maybe those people needed a doctor to poke around their ears. Make sure that nobody's eardrums get busted. You crossed the room, footsteps echoing throughout the empty room before making it to the backdoor of the building, the same one you and an asshole of a friend came through.

There was practically no noise outside that could be annoying. The downtown streets busy with the nightlife of Gotham, while here in this more isolated area was the breeze and-

Your head turned to the left, eyes widening as a man was thrown, hard, against a wall. A loud cry left him as his back came in contact with said wall. He slid down the brick wall, grunting and breathing deeply, trying to regain balance.

“No, no, shitbag. You’re not passing out on me yet.” The voice carried throughout the alley before a guy took long strides to the other man. Dim lightening aside, you could at least make out his height, and this guy could easily punt you across the damn city.

Your stomach dropped, and you swallowed saliva, sweat gathering on the back of your neck. Yet your feet stayed planted on the ground. Keeping you there and forced to watch the whole scene play out.

He leaned down, grabbed the man's shirt collar, pulled him up, then slammed him against the wall. Compared to the last time, it was not as bad, but it did knock what air the man managed to catch out of him. “Keep those eyes peeled. Ears open too. I’m giving your worthless ass a chance to live,” He leans forward. The light from the street lamps made the red on his helmet noticeable. “If I ever see or hear that you can’t learn to keep your hands to yourself, then you're going to have to learn the hard way.” He reaches a hand to his side, out of your view, pulling out a pistol and pressing it against the side of the man’s head. "Ever hit your kid again, and I won’t be as merciful.”

The man struggles before going still as the gun is pressed to the side of his head. Any retort he had was gone as sweat started to roll down the side of his face before he nodded. “Okay! I-I swear! I won’t-” “Not a won’t. Make it never.” The guy interjected. “NEVER! I’ll never do it again!” The man blurts out without hesitating, voice shaky and filled with dread. “Good. Now,”

He doesn't waste another second, dragging the man off the wall then shoving him towards the alley exit. “Get your worthless ass out of my sight.” The man stumbled, nearly falling on his face but scrambling to his feet and rushing off.

You still stood there. Next to the backdoor. Eyes wide and mouth gaped open. Not only did you watch a man get the shit scared out of him, but the same guy who tossed said man now turned. He was standing straight, head facing in your direction.

You had made jokes before. A six-foot tall man is something you would swoon over, but this? Maybe under different circumstances and not in an alley while he’s still got his gun out. Well, it’s at his side but the point still stands.

There is a silence that fills the alley. And for a brief moment, you could have sworn he’s just hesitant now. Unsure of how to address the fact that you were just standing there, staring at him while he did the same. With a shake of his head, a clear sigh - what sounds like one with how scrambled his voice sounds in the helmet - as he puts the pistol back into the holster before turning his body completely to look at you. “How much…” He trails off, thinking before taking a single step forward. “Did you hear?” He took another step.

You watch. Forced to since your whole body is frozen and your feet feel like someone trapped you in cement. Your mouth moves, nothing coming out. In an instant, your body betrayed and abandoned you.

His body was tense, shoulders and upper body hunched slightly. It’s like he was getting ready to pounce at you. Whatever god was watching, if any, you were already praying to. Every fiber of your being torn between screaming at your body for being stupid and just standing there like a deer in headlights while the other was already making a last will.

“I’ll ask again,” His voice lowered. He wasn’t aiming to hurt, but simply figure out, yet that still was not comforting by any means as he took more steps to you. "I-I saw the guy fly against the wall!" You finally managed to get out, mind racing as the world was almost spinning. He stops. About less than half of the way to you and making the alley feel like it had shrunk around you and is forcing him to be closer.

It’s like he’s thinking about what to say or do next. Maybe he isn't that scary because he's just standing there. Then he straightens his stance, arms at his sides, looking at you. “What’s your name.” It wasn’t a question. He wasn’t asking.

Your brain short-circuited as you stare at him, bewildered.

It took you three minutes before you finally blurt out your name next. He simply stares at you before turning around, pulling out a smaller gun from the belt that hangs tightly around his waist, the ends of his jacket moving with his movements. “Go home. Last thing you need is getting into trouble.”

That’s all he said before aiming the gun at a rooftop, a hook, and line shooting from it while another line wrapped around his wrist, dragging him up from the ground floor and into the shadows of the buildings.

Second mistake of your night. Staying in the alley, then telling the guy, Red Hood, your name.

[sideeffectsofhavingnolife]

IPKKND S:1 Episode-2

Hey, you guys, did you miss me?

Kidding, I know nobody is reading these.

But if someone does in the future. Hi, cutie! I hope you're having fun.

Okay, then let's start with the second episode of Iss Pyar ko kya naam doon

Back at the meet cute.

My girl looks like she is about to cry.

Oh my, the disgust on his face.

He literally slammed her on the stage and not a in a good way. You know what I mean😏

And now they are dragging her away as if she attacked their boss.

Oooh the veil under his feet. What an imagery.

Man, Sanaya Irani looks sooo pretty.

The wedding is still going on?

How long has it been? Khushi stepped out when it was still daylight and now it's basically night.

What the fuck? Did they just locked her into a room?!

Is that what they do to models for not doing their job properly.

So, he thinks that she was sent by a rival company. That's seem dumb and probable at the same time.

This must be so traumatizing for Khushi. To be locked in a room for no reason and being accused of something you have nothing to do with when you know you need to be at home.

Shit! The mother connected the dots. Khushi needs to hurry up, I smell drama.

But also where are the dukaan ke papers? It's clearly not with Khushi. Where did you left them girl? Don't tell me she will lose them.

Oh he came to interrogate her himself.

He looks terrifying af combined with the predatory walk.

Dude, it's not her fault. You should ask your designer.

"Galti bhi aukaat dekh kar karni chahiye thi" Boy you did not. Shut the fuck up and shove that God complex up your ass.

Actually, I like the tension of this scene.

What the fuck do you mean "Ek jaayega dusra phasa lena" Why would you even comment on her sister's character, she is not even here.

"Batameezi to maine abhi shuru bhi nahi kari hai" Boy what?

*Gasp*

Oh he did not just do that! HE DID NOT!!

The disrespect!

Okay, girl there was no need to cover it up with your hair. Your back was already exposed before.

So, he is just gonna let her leave? What happened to the jawab he wanted. He just wanted to harrass my girl. What a fucking asshole.

Yay! Shaadi toot gayi. Congratualations!

I can't with these fucking neighbors.

Oh no the drama waiting to happen at home, once Khushi arrives.

Who is this lady? Constantly ordering around the house anyway. Shut up!

Is the sister gonna tell the truth?

She's back. Don't tell me they are gonna disown her or something.

What are these neighbours still doing in their house. Get the fuck out, the wedding ordeal is done, bitches.

Oh, the mom's walking up to her. Is a slap incoming?

"Tum thik ho?" Aww! that's her first question. What sweet people!

Ughh, who is this aunty? I hate her.

I love her dad though, he is handling this very calmly.

i know she took the papers because it was necessary for the plot but was it necessary for their plan. Couldn't they have just called the groom and asked whether he was in it.

Oh the mother is upset.

So Khushi is adopted. That's such a shitty statement to drop. Who is this lady anyway. The father calls her jiji so is she Khushi's Bua. Bua ji ki apni koi family nahi hai kya? Yaha kyu rehti hai. God, I hate her soo much.

Oh the mother pulled off an Amitabh Bachchan from K3G.

Agreed! Sis is talking sense, the groom was definitely in on it.

"Tujhse saga humara koi nahi hai" Why are these people the sweetest 😭

Oh girl what are you doing? This is definitely a mislead but what she gonna do with the oil and matchsticks. Probably cook something.

Okay so that was the second episode. It was quite uninteresting for the most part.

Hoping something good from the next one.

Buh-bye!

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

Reading Blue Beetle (2006) again <3

This time my thoughts while reading issues from 7 to 8 !! 🪲

(spoilers under the cut as usual ajsj)

Me when I exist (I love this shit):

+ FIELD TRIP WITH THE FAM LET'S GOOO!!

+ Jaime I love you (he's me I'm him) (how old was he during this? We might even be the same age 😌)

ALSO BRENDA IS HEREEEE!!!! HIII BRENDA 💘💕💗💞

+ Right in the old sibling issues ✋😔😭 HE ALSO CALLED HER MUNCHKIN ON THE NEXT PANEL NOBODY TOUCH ME 😭😭😭 (I promise I'm a serious person and I'll write about their relationship in deep but I'm just a silly guy rn)

+ Peacemaker is back HE'S BACK??!! Good explanation on who Peacemaker is bug guy 👍

+ BOOSTER GOLD MENTION❗❗

+ Quick kit kat but I love that all of Jaime's family and close friends know about him idk how to express it but seeing a superhero be supported by his loved ones feels so good and refreshing (besides they're all super cool and intelligent and practical)

+ Me when Batsy appears: *starts laughing with no reason*

Also this panels

Then Jaime's mom going "well if Superman asked you"

+ THE SAME TECHNOLOGY OF THE SCARAB???!!!! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT—

+ I love when the panels are like half Jaime half Blue Beetle, so sick man

+ "Blow it up" is a good tip I believe.

But also what? 🧍🏻 Can someone please explain to me what Dinah said about Ollie being upset and the poverty thing, please? :d

+ "I just want to go home" bro my sweet bug guy, I'm so sorry (JL better hide now, y'all had dared to bring Jaime into all this, now suffer the consequences)

+ NONONONONONONONNONOOOO 😭😭 pleaseplease see him see him please c'mon 😭😭😭

+ "You're heroes! Don't leave me alone!" Nobody fucking noticed? Asshats I'm gonna fucking fistfight everyone

+ STOP THIS SHIT😭😭 My bug guy I love you I'm sorry (Mili thank you I love you too <3)

Bro I swear parted panels between Jaime and the Blue Beetle fucking rule like I can fucking see him see everything again, I mean his eyes look like they do, see everything happening over and over.

+ "Dessert air" Yeah, me too Paco, me too ✋😔 (that better be a friendly hug, I don't wanna get paranoid with this but PLEASE)

+ ROAD TRIP!!!! HELL YEAAAH!!! Brenda and Jaime bickering 🫶 (Brenda kick his ass <3)

+ BAHDHSJAJS PEACEMAKER IS ON BABYSITTING DUTY RN 😌

+ Has Peacemaker just called Brenda 'Red' *has Max and Eddie flashbacks* nvm

+ FIRST SHE CALLED HER AUNT HER PARENT I'M CRYING SOMEONE GET ME OUT THE DESSERT ❗❗ ALSO LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO COOL AND SO PRETTY (I'm in love)

+ He's kinda right bug guy... (And lmao not them talking about La Dama being Brenda's aunt literally two steps away from her AVDJWNKDJS)

+ Peacemaker guy is called Dan Garett (someone give context or sum please, where does he come from (comic recs?) I think I'm gonna call him Danny 👍

+ OH MY FUCKING GODS NOT THIS CHEAP POLYPHEMUS GUY AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭 *screams into the void*

+ Bro AGDJSHJAJ Cinetico laughing at Paco for failing Spanish is real life footage of me and my best friend (Also Spanglish is what my class speaks on English time basically so)

+ Man my exact thoughts on everything (also Mili is my lil sis Istg she's the same😭)

+ So Dan is the first Blue Beetle granddaughter or sum like that okay cool(?) (not me fucking thinking it was Peacemaker lmaoo 😭😭😭)

(Brenda I love you but why GAKDBWJS)

+ Mitchell. Mitchell.

+ I'm going to collect silly Brendas on my journey through Blue Beetle issues (I can't put too much pics in just a post so I'll share her once I got a few <3)

+ Dio live reaction:

+ ARMAGGEDON?

+ "My mother didn't raise me like that. It's wrong." Okay. Okay. I'm more of a Red Hood way of thinking instead of Batsy. But I guess Jaime has his point, I respect that and I kinda love that that's his thing, like, I need to be like him and feel all the rage in a different way, to feel kinder ( love you bug guy <3)

+ Lmaooo at least they take care of the town at he end

+ Bugnuts, she said bugnuts— *wheezes*

+ Yeah, I need to hear Peacemaker's story too 👍

[mzannthropy]

Favorite and least favorite. DJATS scenes? My least favorite is the overdose scene in ep 8. Like,wydm Billy called Daisy "baby?" I doubt that. My favorite is either Billy saying good morning to Camila and Julia in ep 5,Daisy kicking Nicky out,or the Camilabilly s*x scene at the end of episode 5. (and he wasn't thinking about Daisy,idk what Daisybilly shippers say. He loves his wife, aurora is about her, nothing can change that.)

I can't shut up about the Pick Up Your Kid scene from Episode 3. Bc I know how much Sam loves his kids and being a dad, I knew how difficult it would be for him to film it. The tears were unscripted, that's just Sam crying for real. I've not really thought about favourite scenes. Camila and Billy on the balcony in the finale, but that's only bc of their acting. Aside from the fact that the dialogue was ridiculous, it shouldn't exist, bc there's nothing like that in the book. Erasing the Daisy and Camila hotel room scene was a huge disservice to the characters, to the fans, to TJR. Just thank the gods that Sam and Camila are such good actors. I liked all Billy's scene with Camila and Julia. As for other characters, I liked Teddy being a father figure to Billy, the final scene with Karen and Graham. I know the poor guy was devastated, but Karen made her choice.

Least favourite, where do I start. I agree on the ending of Ep 8. (It was in fact what set of me off on a mini villain arc that lasted all through till the end of June, when I accepted that Sam was not going get an Emmy nomination, which is why I wasn't even upset that he was snubbed, bc I had already grieved it, but it was a painful process.) It should have been Simone that found her. Once again, a female character robbed of a scene. Not to mention that a man cradling a woman in his arms (while she might or might not be dying) is the most overdone scene in all of TV/film history. Start noticing it and you'll never be able to un-notice. Also, same episode, when after the press conference they walk in that corridor and Billy tries to kiss her. The whole argument, even. Cheap drama for the sake of it--nobody argues with faces that close together. It gives me so much second hand embarrassment that I literally recoil any time I think of it. I don't get triggered by horrible scenes that usually carry trigger warnings, but I do get triggered by stuff like this. Bc it's stupid.

Sam has a film, The Nightingale (dir Jennifer Kent), in which he plays the most horrible character of his career. It's a brilliant film and I recommend it, just heed the warnings bc it gets really violent. Yet it's easier for me to watch than a lot of DJATS. Bc I understand his part in the story, bc he is supposed to be like that.

ETA: Bc I misremembered, I thought Simone found Daisy in the book, (I can't check the book bc I listened to it on audio.) so I thought they should have kept it like that, but she actually just woke up herself, broke up with Nicky and then called Simone. I knew Simone figured somewhere, at least. Doesn't change my point, though, bc it still takes away from a female character. It's even worse bc it means that in the show, Daisy needed a man to 'save her'.

Yeah, if anyone had to find her in the shower, Rod would have been the better option; he's the manager after all, and if Daisy saw in his face that he was really worried about her, not just bc she was the lead singer and he'd lose money or whatever if something happened to her, but out of genuine care, she'd realise she was worthy. But nooo, they had to go for the most male writing stereotypical scene instead.

[mothwaistcoat]

A rant about TPOT 7 because I kinda really didn't like it

Uhhhh so I'm just going to copy and paste the rant I sent to my partner (it's going to be all over the place cause I was upset and crying and my thoughts were all jumbled so stick with me) If anyone wants to try to convince me that I'm stupid and wrong please do because I want to like the episode and I really don't want to be upset about this in the way that I am "Nothing against Sam but bro needs to take some consideration when writing Fanny That was not at ALL something she would do. Would she avenge Lightning? Yes. Would she try to change the way that DPACTA is going about the challenges? YES. Would she do it in THAT WAY? ABSOLUTELY NOT. That is just about as far from her nature as you can get. The way I see it, Fanny is an angry pacifist. She has literally never killed anyone before. She shows major compassion for her teammates on DPACTA. When Tree is sick, she shows concern. BECAUSE SHE'S THE CHARACTER THAT LOOKS OUT FOR THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING! THAT IS THE MAIN. PART. OF HER CHARACTER. THE PART WHERE SHE HATES SEEING PEOPLE IN DIFFICULT PLACES. THE PART WHERE SHE HATES INJUSTICE. THE PART WHERE SHE HATES SUFFERING. ONE OF THE MAIN FUCKING COMPONENTS OF HER CHARACTER. And with a single episode it was just stripped away. I can absolutely see the episode playing out with Fanny avenging Lightning's elimination, because it was unjust. And I can see that she would be upset with Blackhole for insisting on the Death Prevention being the absolute main priority. Because I've been saying this, but if they keep getting eliminated, there's going to be nobody to prevent death. If they can do their best in a challenge and quickly gain immunity, they can go about preventing various deaths. Or, they can send out a member or two to help prevent death at different times while they work on the challenges. Changes like that would have reached a compromise, WHICH WOULD BE THE KIND OF THING FANNY WOULD SUGGEST! Also the downplay of Pie's elimination in the episode was so weird? What the fuck was that?? It's so bizarre though. Fanny is NOT the type to target Tree in such a violent and cruel way, specifically because she knows that BH would be seriously disturbed and affected by it. EVEN WRITING THAT OUT IS MAKING ME FEEL DISCOMFORTED, BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T FUCKING DO THAT! Hating the P.A.C.T.? Fine. That isn't too far of a reach, I can see that she was upset and would say something like that. But resorting to murder because "Oh you guys are being really stupid right now" is not in character?????? Despite what a lot of people think, Fanny isn't a violent person. She vents frustration, yes. Is unnecessarily cruel to someone because they ticked her off? No! I get that she was frustrated from not being listened to when she was bringing up an issue that was a valid criticism. But that is not how she would react, just because Blackhole wasn't hearing her out. She was starting to get the other members to be more willing to compromise, and that's how that interaction should have gone! IT SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING ENDED WITH THE MURDER OF TREE That is the equivalent of intentionally triggering someone because they disagreed with a point you said. AND FANNY WOULD NOT BE DISRESPECTFUL OF SOMETHING THAT SERIOUS. I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. THE GROSS MISCHARACTERIZATION IS DISGUSTING? Literally that is the furthest thing from Fanny and I don't know how we got here" I also had stopped ranting and then decided I was still upset so here's one more little thing I guess "NO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M STILL PISSED ABOUT THIS I'M NOT DONE RANTING THIS IS AWFUL ! FANNY IS LITERALLY REALLY AGAINST VIOLENCE? IN TPOT 1 WHEN LITERALLY EVERYONE IS BEATING UP TWO, SHE'S STANDING TO THE SIDE JUST YELLING SHE'S STILL MAD AT THEM, BUT EVEN STILL SHE ISN'T PHYSICALLY HARMING THEM I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS RIGHT NOW" ndjuhsddsgysdftc now that I've kinda had a chance to cool off, can I have like a civil discussion with someone about this because I think it would be good for me to look at more opinions than just my own thanks

[toomuchracket]

dad matty would get so upset if baba wanted to start straightening her hair in her pre-teens

omg noooooo this made me so emo for some reason. thinking she's like 12 and matty's giving some impassioned rant at dinner about how self-expression is important and it's normal - good, even - for young people to experiment with style and try new things and all that. neither you nor baba are quite sure how he ended up there, considering she was talking to you about her maths homework beforehand, but you roll with it. and it's all pleasant, until baba totally innocently says "well, there is something i wanted to try, looks-wise. can i try straightening my hair?"; matty's face drops, and his lip genuinely starts trembling like he's about to cry as he says "oh. do you... not like your curly hair, munchkin?", and you could honestly kick him because your daughter's face drops to match his as she's like "that's not it, dad, honest! i just want to experiment a bit, like you said. i've never had straight hair at all. but i love my curls! you know that". matty's slightly appeased, but he still looks glumly at his empty plate, and then grumpily at you when you say "if you want to try straightening, sweetheart, then you should. god knows your dad and i have both done it. and don't look at me like that, matty, you were the one literally just ranting about experimenting with style. we're only talking straighteners, not something more permanent like bleach or dye". and matty raises his eyebrows like "that's true. yeah. ok", and you think he's over the initial sadness, but then he continues "nobody's trying to force you into changing your hair, right, munchkin? none of your friends, or people at school? you're not doing it to get someone's attention, are you? because you KNOW you should never change for other people like that. and also you're too young for a relationship" - you and baba eye-roll in complete sync, and she's like "dad. i'm half you and half mum. there's no WAY anyone's telling or influencing me what to do". you all have a laugh at that, and matty's like "fair enough, sweetheart, fair enough. alright. if you want to straighten your hair, go for it. it's on YOUR head, after all, you can do what you like lol".

the straightening process itself happens a couple of days later, and because your daughter's hair is so curly it takes a MINUTE. she comes to you with it soaking wet and asks you to help, so you painstakingly blow-dry it with a big paddle brush - you both agree that it's weird not using a diffuser on her hair - before you get the straighteners out. both of you thought matty would be too busy being emo about his baby girl's hair to actually get involved in the styling process, but he comes into her room anyway and chats to you while you straighten - he's like "it's actually quite scary how alike the two of you look once my hair genetics are out of the way. good for you though, munchkin, that you take after your beautiful mother", which is cute, and then exactly 0.2 seconds later he's like "wait babe side-part her hair and give her an emo fringe lol". the duality of man fr. once it's done, you all crowd round the mirror to look at baba's hair, which looks great; the first thing she says, though, is "that took so long. i don't know if i can be bothered doing it again for a long time", to which matty's internally like "YES". you're like "look how long your hair actually is! wow!", and she's like "i know, i'm so surprised at that. it's so weird to think that that's MY hair" - matty's like "but it is, and it really does look amazing. YOU look amazing, my darling", and baba smirks like "well, yeah, of course" lmao. she might not have his hair in that moment, but she's definitely her father's daughter <3

[sorry-imma-scorpio]

i am a pomegranate ripped by ungrateful hands. their fingers are coated, lips red with my blood. they have consumed me in my entirety, but will i ever be free? ﮩـﮩــﮩ٨ـﮩــﮩ٨ـﮩــﮩﮩ٨ـﮩــﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ﮩ٨ﮩ٨_______________

illicit affairs by Taylor Swift - analysis by me

"Lyrics" and my analysis

--- have fuuuun ---

"Make sure nobody sees you leave / Hood over your head / Keep your eyes down / Tell your friends you're out for a run / You'll be flushed when you return."

I am not allowed to walk alone at night not for my own safety but because these people go into fucking cardiac ARREST when they cannot control my actions

“-------- and the Babysitters" was funny at first but not anymore. I am tired of being babied and watched through a fucking nanny cam by my own government spy of a roommate.

"Take the road less traveled by / Tell yourself you can always stop"

When I walk, talk, or even breathe I have to do everything in secret. I cannot tell anyone anything at all. Everything has to be kept under lock and fucking key because I am “too unstable” and I need to be checked in on. I NEVER ASKED FOR THEIR HELP I ASKED FOR A FRIEND. Just because I am crying or upset does not mean that I need someone to be my therapist. The advice was appreciated but it was not necessary. Walking over to hang out with you guys and immediately being drilled about how my day “really was” because “it was okay�� was not answer enough made me feel like a burden to the point that I had to completely shut everything off and everyone out. I have become a group project that got neglected.

"What started in beautiful rooms / Ends with meetings in parking lots"

Giant room with a lot of windows. Talking about how I knew that it was going to snow because I can feel it. You can smell it (Thank you, Lorelai Gilmore). Sunset pictures.

“Where’d -------- go?” “To take a picture of the sunset.” “That’s the -------- I know.” Well who is this one? Do you know this ------ or do you think you do? The last conversation we had was you comparing me to a depressed orca which is honestly worse than my joke about you calling me a whale. (I was pacing in his kitchen and he brought up that I was like an orca in too small of an enclosure. Sad. I understood that. But he thought that I didn’t so he got all up his own ass defending himself).

"And that's the thing about illicit affairs / And clandestine meetings / And longing stares"

SHE WAS GOING TO HIDE IT FROM ME IF I DIDN’T FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN!!!! She would have rather lied to me than tell me this. She held me. Rubbed my back. She consoled me as I cried into her lap about how I was doing mentally

"Leave the perfume on the shelf / That you picked out just for him"

She was wearing his favorite perfume as she did this. I was literally breathing in the sweet, vanilla scent of her lies and deceit. Every breath I took filled my lungs with the freshness of her betrayal, literally as fresh as the wound in my back. The knife was jagged, and rusted. She left this out in the rain. She left it there until the blade was saturated with acid and would burn unscathed skin. And then she opened my back, no, I opened it to her. I exposed my softness and vulnerability as a form of trust, and like a hostile wolf, she tore through flesh and ripped my organs from my body. Clenching my heart in her teeth and biting down. Squeezing the very life out of me until there was nothing but a shell left. Nothing but a husk of who I once was.

"So you leave no trace behind / like you don't even exist"

Where are your texts to me? Your calls? Thoughts? Questions? Because I can tell you where they are not- in my own messages. You have my phone number, you know where I live. But when I delete social media for my own reasons, all of a sudden I am a problem and an issue.

"Take the words for what they are / A dwindling, mercurial high / A drug that only worked / The first few hundred times / And that's the thing about illicit affairs / And clandestine meetings / And stolen stares / They show their truth one single time / But they lie and they lie and they lie / ...a million little times"

Why am I so dependent on this friendship? To the point that it is like my drug of choice and I am a fatal addict. My own perception of myself and the world around me is so twisted and intertwined with your lies and talks of peace - giving the thought of a requiem. Yet I am not the one who has died but my spirit has. I am singing at a funeral tomorrow only it is my own. I will write, perform, and applaud my own eulogy to a near-empty audience. Chiron will be the only attendee, and he will offer his coins to me.

"Don't call me "kid" / Don't call me "baby" / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me / You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else / Don't call me "kid" / Don't call me "baby" / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me / You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else"

“Kiddo”. After I told him not to. “Consent is sexy” you fucking liar. How am I supposed to feel like a person when you are always infantilizing me and I cannot deal with being parented by someone who did not birth me. You did not raise me. Were you there when I was sick with deadly strains of the flu? Did you hold my hand when my aunt Marjorie passed away? Where were you when I searched every part of my best friend’s house because I was terrified that she might kill herself? There is only one answer. You were not there. Neither of you are my parents so don’t fucking act like it. This part of the analysis was going to be purely “kiddo” because that nickname wasn’t quality when an older family member would call me that. So why the fuck would it work for you? It doesn’t. I cannot be infantilized as I am not an infant. I am not a child who needs to be put down for a nap because I am throwing a fit. 

This is not overreacting. 

This is not me being a child.

I am not being an asshole.

Just because I no longer look at you like you hung the moon and carved my face into it just to call it beautiful. Just because I no longer look at you like this and I look at you like the friend that you are. 

I am being an asshole.

Make this make sense.

You guys were my biggest supporters in -------. I have a few other friends but none that rallied quite to the point of this. I have now come to realize that you are not passerines flying to my window to wake me peacefully in the morning. But you are shrikes lifting me into the air just to drop me upon jagged rocks. With the unspoken hope that I would crack. That I would break open and you would be there to clean up the mess. Because lovebombing is in more than relationships. It is in friendships. It is in bonds created by shared interests. I have not been lovebombed because that would imply that there was no meaning to the words the entire time. I would like to believe that you guys truly care or at least cared. But the way that you work behind my back? The way that my roommate is your confidante. Your eyes in the room. Why have I had to become media trained overnight? I do not need to hide from the masses but you make me feel like I need to change my appearance and move in secret. I feel like I need to become a spy in a foreign country except the foreign country is my own home. My own room. My own mind. Why do you have free access to my own thoughts and feelings where I cannot access them? You can joke about my condition. All day every day. But when I do it, I am a recovering alcoholic joking about cracking open a cold one with the boys. When you do it, it’s funny. But when I do it, it’s worrying, I need an intervention, and I cannot be trusted to be alone. I call you because you conditioned me to. I didn’t call my mom. Or my dad. I called the two people in the world who knew how to break me the most.

"And you know damn well / For you I would ruin myself / ...a million little times"

This one could speak for itself. You could walk all over me. Spit in my face. But for some fucking reason I can't move on. I can't leave. I am trapped in this house and it is on fire. I am a fly on the wall of my own friendships within my own life. If I tried to escape I would simply be throwing my body into the glass of a double-paned window. Shattering the side I make contact with, breaking everything. The battering will bruise me. The sun will bleach me. I will be destroying myself and everything I touch. For I am King Midas, and my Touch of Gold is that of death.

[mycastlescrumblingdown]

debut tracks 1-5 review

TIM MCGRAW

as I was listening this time and really thinking about it, this song is so "rainy cloudy morning in a field of flowers near the lake". the music video really captured this, imo. also, is the letter real? if so, I would LOVE to read it.

I wonder what song she was referencing. and I do indeed think of Taylor when I think tim mcgraw.

as for the song itself, it feels like nostalgia. I think this is kind of a common theme on debut. I don't think it's really anything special.

score: 6/10

points for style, chorus, verses, instrumentals, vocals, pretty privilege

favorite lyric: he said the way my blue eyes shined put those Georgia stars to shame that night, I said "that's a lie"

PICTURE TO BURN

so many childhood memories of this song!! and you know what? it's still AMAZING

i wouldn't say the lyrics are superb in the traditional way, but they've got their own charm and I am HERE for it. this song also reminds me of the color orange (probably because fire) and it is the epitome of singing vengefully in a car

I also love the rage in her voice. and the pettiness in "there's nothing stopping me from going out with all o' your best friands" (I know it's spelled wrong but that's how she says it and this is my post soo)

(side note: my cat will NOT stop climbing on my keyboard. ughhhhh why)

score: 6/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumentals, and vocals

favorite lyric: STUPID OLD pickup truck you never let me drive

TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR

this song is also so nostalgic for me. and she sounds really nice on this song. she also writes so eloquently about a high school crush. like, debut is by no means her best work (lyrically) but wow does she still write very well.

I also think it's pretty funny that the cover for the holiday ep is from the tdomg music video (which is GORGEOUS, by the way)

and she really called drew out by name lol

score: 6/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, instrumentals, vocals, pretty privilege

favorite lyric: he's the time taken up but there's never enough

A PLACE IN THIS WORLD

this one HITS for me and I honestly don't understand some of the hate it gets. her voice sounds a little shaky and stuff, but that's just debut for you.

anyways, I associate this one with I hate it here from ttpd. don't know why.

the lyric I feel really resonates me is "i'll be wrong, but life goes on". I really need to remember that sometimes.

also, wouldn't it be funny if this was the origin for those annoying "im literally just a girl" memes?

score: 4/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, and instrumentals

fav lyric: I'll be strong, i'll be wrong. oh but life goes on

COLD AS YOU

i LOVE this one. Taylor at age 14-16 is really writing better than I do currently (speaking of which, you should go read my book on Wattpad called sockpuppet)

with the self promo out of the way (I'm sorry about that) I can go back to the song.

i associate this one closely with the outside, in that I used to get them mixed up A LOT. "you put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey" reminds me of dear john. like a lot. and, in turn, coney island

also, the lyric "but you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you" relates to peace "all these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret" and I think that shows a lot of character growth.

on a completely different note, tayor sounds SO country on this song. she was really letting that twang out and if I don't hear that on the rerecording I might cry

she also sounds so upset and I love that in a song

score: 7/10

points for lyrics, style, personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumentals, vocals

fav lyric: "so you come away with a great little story//of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you" OR "so I start a fight cause I need to feel something//and you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted" OR "no use defending words that you will never say"

[innocent-cat]

I saw the Vox Machina with an Eda like reader and liked it, can I get a platonic one for Reader who is like King?

Not human thinks they are something related to monsters (but it turns out they are powerful creatures), are basically like a kid who gets frustrated when something doesn't go right and releases a squeak of rage, and is on a journey to find their family.

Waitttt I actually love this idea?

HEY!!! YOU!!!! my comms r open!! please request me!!

PartTitan!Reader x Vox Machina

HEADCANNONS

warnings - none

"Temper Titan", Titan!Reader x vox machina

everyone at once (devil emoji)

Nobody really quite KNOWS what you are, but they know you're part.

Referencing to the title, Percy has said he thinks your part titan, but due to advancements, there is no way to know for sure.

Because of that, Vox Machina had become known for having a "Temper Titan."

It's kind of embarrassing, at first when you heard of it, but you are pretty terrifying when you're mad.

Much like King and other titans, when you stomp or yell, the ground shakes and often things that should be strong enough to be stable such as a boulder, break.

Vox Machina also calls you this… but.. at least they accept you?

Anger issues goes crazy as a titan. you're real sensitive, but you can often end up sad instead of angry when they try to wind you up mid-battle.

Scanlan often tries to make fun of you during a battle but instead he just tugs on your strings and makes you cry.

A little upsetting when it happens, and you end up not talking to Scanlan for a while.

called you a whole loser dude

He was MEANNN man.

Of course, your cries are just as powerful if not more powerful than your stomps and yells.

he likes to pretend you couldn't drag him with and without magic

Sadly, when you do have a temper, Keyleth can feel it through her plants.

Its a downside, so when you're going nuts, Keyleth is down and coping with the fact the ground and plants are in pain.

its also a battle field issue a lot.. thankfully Scanlan's bard magic can always lift them up, but, it makes them a big, chunky target.

You being a little kid they don't want to be up too long without you.

Percy is especially careful about this.

Vex and Vax on the other hand could not care LESS.

swim or drown in their little world.

Keyleth scolds them about their carelessness for you, but when it comes down to it, they are the first ones to dive in and save you.

Vax especially.

They both see you as a younger sibling.

They try to keep your temper under control, but it doesn't work out sometimes, and you guys end up having to run away while in public

Like.. literally mid tantrum they'll just pick you up and put you on trinket.

sent away for poor behavior!!!

Vax buys you literally anything you want and its crazy..

its not even because he doesn't want you to be mad, its because he wants you to have what he didn't in his childhood, but Vex has a different view, and still wants you to grow up and be a responsible person.

BUT ANYWAYYYYYYY MORE KEYLETHH??? YES MORE KIKI

she often likes to take you out to nature just because

her connection to it makes her feel you have one too because they all think(know) you're a titan.

its really nice because you'll literally just lay there and you'll feel vines and grass growing around you comfortingly

like a big ol' blanket

Sometimes, you'll go out to her little spot without her, and you'll literally just be there for HOURS.

You gave Percy a heart attack.

he kinda scolded Keyleth for it so you started crying.. and.. titan tantrum.

he kinda just sighed and picked you up and brought you home with Keyleth

Grog is also low-key protective of you???

a lot like how he is with Pike

Pike might have told him to protect you, but either way, he is quite the man for the job.

consider him a body blocker

PIKE WILL MAKE YOU FUCKING MEDITATE WITH HER

not for religious reasons, just to help you calm down sometimes.

She's super sweet to you man.

mama pike

usually the one cooking for you because she strongly believes you should not be eating all the crap Vox Machina eats because they're all raging alcoholics with mommy or daddy issues(most of the time both)

[tsukidrama]

please like this post if you read the rant because im literally just screaming into rhe void and i need literally anyone to listen to me right now

the family member i was closest to for most of my life and who basically guided me through being a teenager and coming out just verbally degraded me for 10 minutes using the exact same trigger words that my abusive dad always did.

i typed out what happeneed 3 times in 3 different ways and it only makes me feel worse. there was a point in my life where she was my safe person. she was the person that i could go to whenever i didn't have anyone else to talk to or i felt like no one would listen to me. she has always gone out of her way to offer her home as a safe space for me no matter what has been going on in my life.

very very long story short, my grandma's health is declining because she has heart failure. my aunt does not take care of her own health and has had to undergo emergency surgery 3 times in the past year (2022). she is getting a knee replacement on Monday.

i don't want to give out too much information because of privacy reasons but basically my grandma is in heart failure. she's 79 years old and has a lot of other medical problems that generally make her very high risk in general.

basically my grandma has convinced herself that she absolutely needs to accompany my aunt to her knee surgery. and my aunt is just, letting it happen? even though my aunt has told me multiple times that having grandma in a car for long periods of time is very dangerous for her health. it's the reason i take an 8 hour fucking road trip to see her as often as i can.

all i said was "i gotta say that i'm really worried about grandma coming along with you when you have used the words 'very dangerous' to describe car trips for her."

these are the exact words that i used.

immediately it's like a flip switched. i didn't even have time to breathe before she started shrieking like a banshee telling me that i'm disrespecting her by saying that she can't take care of my grandma and disrespecting my grandma by saying that she can't do what she wants. she kept saying "well i'm sorry that you feel that way" a lot more shit that i'm not going to sit here and upset myself by typing out.

i've been crying on and off for almost 6 hours now. i don't know what i did wrong. i don't know what to do. i want my grandma to be a part of my life but my access to her is entirely through my aunt. i want to talk to my grandma about all of this but my aunt won't let me talk to her. i'm so fucking scared for her and i feel really helpless and triggered about things that happened with my dad.

i dont want to get into it fully but basically my dad lied to my face for years about the status of his health and instructed his doctors to reiterate those lies so i wouldn't find out. two days after my 18th birthday he signed me up as his new medical proxy and continued to lie to me about his health despite forcing me to sign legal documents that would give me power of attorney if he were to go unconscious and i had to make choices for him. i only found out that he was dying when he screamed "you need to do [whatever he was yelling about] because i'm dying!" in my face. he was.

cut to a few years later and i have now developed crippling anxiety when people tell me they're having issues with their health. there will always be a part of me that feels like i'm being lied to, or that someone is either overexaggerating or underexaggerating how bad their illness is to manipulate me. most of the time when i feel like this i can recognize it as anxiety. i really do feel like i've made a lot of progress regarding that, because i know that nobody besides my dad would lie to me like that.

she understood how i felt like the choices that my father made took that relationship away from both of us. everyone else tried to convince me to show my dad sympathy, but my aunt made a point to validate my feelings in that his "out of sight out of mind" mindset was extremely damaging and traumatic for me and my brother.

except for my aunt, now, apparently??? which really fucks me up because she knows how much it damaged me emotionally. our relationship began to deteriorate when i hit my early 20s and it became clear to me that she doesn't even try to take care of HERSELF. she knew her knees were bad but she didn't go to the doctor until she couldn't walk. she knew she had kidney and gall bladder problems but she didn't go to the doctor or attempt to change her diet until she literally went into organ failure and almost died from sepsis. sinks, bathtubs, countertops, lights, the oven. all have broken and she just, did not fix it! she and my grandma washed their hands in the bathtub for months until my brother came to visit and fixed it for her. instead of saying thank you she yelled at him that she didnt need help . just including this to help paint the picture of how bad at managing literally everything is. oh, and there was a week in the Louisiana summer heat where the AC broke and she waited a week before calling someone to fix it. A WEEK. IN THE LOUISIANA SUMMER TIME. A 79 YEAR OLD WOMAN.

now i just feel like. well who the hell is this cunt and what did she do with my aunt? why the fuck is she talking to me like this???? i haven't felt like this since i was a teenager. i'm angry that she feels comfortable putting my grandma's health at risk. i'm horrified by the way that she spoke to me. i'm disgusted that i ever thought it could emotionally connect with someone who is related to my dad.

there are more reasons that we have grown apart (including a recent interest in alt-right conspiracy theories) but overall it was important to me to have a relationship with the people in that house because they're the only one left on that side of the family. so i would bite my tongue because i knew she wasn't actually going to change. she would just brush it off. but it's different when you're letting my grandma put herself at risk. and why? "because grandma wants to come"

well personally i would rather grandma be mad than dead. but apparently expressing this is extremely rude and i am a "nasty little girl that needs to learn her place"

if it wasn't for grandma i would have already gone no contact. it would hurt me a lot to cut them off but i feel the red flags popping up more than ever. aunt won't let my grandma talk to me for more than a minute or two and when i see her in person she won't let me back into her bedroom. i have caught aunt in multiple lies concerning covid safety, hanging around meth users, and an abusive ex-husband of the woman who lives with her (don't even get me started).

it doesn't seem like a possibility for me to stay in my grandma's life when i've gone no contact with her caretaker. all i want to do is talk to her. i don't know what to do. i don't want her to die. she's the only grandparent i have left and i already rarely see her because she lives so far away. all my other family is dead.

it genuinely shocks me how well people can hide their true colors. if this bitch kills my grandma i will never let her forget about it until the day she dies.

[sagetsukimura]

(I just want to write it out, see if it helps me sort my thoughts out. Remind future-me that I tried. This week has been pretty... Chaotic, at work. )

I did it. I communicated to the best of my abilitiy in a stressful work environment, and i thought we'd finally gotten on the same page.

I'd done the right thing. I spoke to them directly, I used 'i feel' statements, and explained why, didn't cry when I got yelled at, only yelled back once and visibly made myself stop, and we managed to actually get on the same page ( at least I thought so, I hope so) once she realized i wasn't giving her a 'reasons why you suck' speech. I was satisfied with my feelings being proven wrong, because yes, it did turn out that nobody else was communicating with each other either. Misunderstandings and resentment. (We had 2 people quit this week.)

Problem addressed and acknowledged, if not fixed. I did it. I communicated. Glad that's over with because I hate being assertive or having people upset with me. (I don't like speaking up in situations like this, but so many people were having issues and... I don't know why I thought I could make a difference.)

Only today, a higher up comes in, and asks me a bunch of questions, and introduces me to someone, and I can't figure out what she wants from me., she's asking for specific incidents, and telling me I need to be a more positive team player, and I'm so tired of feeling helpless and frustrated I start crying when I have to talk about one of our more... difficult... Parents.

She tells me to take some time to calm down, I give the new manager a heartful 'nice to meet you, hope you stick around' that might've been TOO heartfelt (7 managers in one year guys, I'm getting desperate . I REALLY hope she'll stick around) and get back to the kids after making sure I don't look like I've been bawling.

Anyway, boss comes back an hour and a half later and says I need to leave. I'm confused and ask her if she means like, go home? NOW? And all I manage to get is *'things are worse than I was told'* and she's off... Somewhere.

... Ok?!

So I clean up, and i leave. No clue what happened or why. Did I do something? Did she want me to take the day to calm down? Was someone mad about yesterday? Apparently someone is/was lying? Should I wait for a phone call? An email? Should I come in Monday? Am I fired? What's going on?!

So now I'm... here. No clue what's going on. Brain is trying to come up with the worst answers possible, I'm trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I love my job, but when no one knows what is going on or where something is, or even who to ask, it means no one sticks around. I'm not sure if anyone else has been around long enough to know the Wi-Fi passwords besides me.

It's weird, how chilled out I am. Usually I feel physically ill at the thought that someone is upset with me. Maybe counseling really is helping? Or I'm waiting to know if I've been fired before I let myself mentally burn bridges and move on.

At least I know I've done my best. I've tried to make it obvious to the others that I'm trying in good faith. I've tried really hard. (I almost think too hard. I should've kept my head down, because even if I was willing to try and talk, I appear to be very bad at it.) I just... Don't know what the expectations of me are, since I've been at the site for twice as long as anyone else. I know things no one else does. But I also don't even know where to find the signup paperwork. I'm not a manager, I'm literally the bottom of the ladder, and happy staying there.

I feel confused, and worried. Overwhelmed, frustrated, and a little betrayed. There's a voice in my head telling me I should've kept my head down and my mouth shut, and rolled through the next few months.

But mostly, I just want to know what is going on, so I can make my own choices. If I stay, I want to know what changes and expectations I should expect, because it feels like they are changing all the time, and it's not just kids who like consistency. I have to ask myself, how long do I WANT to have this job.

I just... Hope I did the right thing, as best I could. That I can say I honestly tried, even if it didn't work. But that doesn't mean it won't suck if it turns out I was right to doubt.

[sincelastsession]

Today I took video footage of children unaccompanied by adults at the pool because I heard screaming and it freaked me out and there was no parents sitting outside watching them and I know what apartment they came from so I went to the office with the evidence of all of this and shared the office and deleted everything off of my phone immediately because I don't like to take pictures or videos of children because it's fucking weird However the office had asked me to give them evidence of this.

And then on the way back to my apartment the mother of the children walked past me and called me a fat stupid bitch and threatened to kill me under her breath or something to that effect And I just kept walking without saying anything back to my apartment.

Then I got angry because I was like oh no nobody's gonna fucking threaten me when I've lived here for 5 years and they haven't even been here 6 months yet.

And I go back to the office and the woman is speaking with office people about me and doesn't even realize that I'm there.

And I didn't realize it was her until that moment because I've only seen her sitting down and with different hair.

And for her to call me a fat bitch and all of that she is twice my size quite literally And apparently pregnant.

So I'm not wanting to have any confrontation with this woman so I asked the office after she walks out if we can schedule like a sit down mediation to where we can have like a talk and I can explain that I saw 2 old men down at the pool bothering her kids when she wasn't down there the other day and actually called the courtesy officer because I was very concerned and I heard them screaming and I heard one of the old men try to talk to 1 of the young children.

And I was also gonna let her know the reason that I'm calling voice complaints is that I have PTSD and I have never had a complaint about sound in the 5 years I've lived here and that has literally nothing to do with my PTSD flare or the autism burnout. I thought about that for a long time but it's not that because I know distinctively what that feels like.

And then I got fussed at by the office staff and then I started crying and one of them told me she would walk me back to my apartment and 1 of the children in the pool started laughing and said oh she's so scared she has to have the office staff walk her back to her apartment and it was an 8-year-old child and in that moment I wanted to go unlock the pool gate And insert mean horrible intrusive thoughts here.

But I didn't say anything the office staff lady told me she heard it and I went back up to my apartment and I had a full-blown meltdown PTSD freak out almost lost such of reality my mom had to come over my sister who I haven't spoken to in 6 months and her 3 black guy friends decided that they were just going to come over and that really upset me because I was not ready to see my sister or speak to her however her guy friends looked at the situation and one of them is in the military and the other 2 are more into like punk rock and art But there are people of colors so they surveyed the situation and Quietly talked amongst themselves and then told me what was happening is these people are definitely antagonizing me and they are trashy and it is probably because they think I'm racist or something. They told me it was in my best interest to just not engage with them unless there's a mediator present.

I was gonna get a roommate and I had to tell her I'm sorry I can no longer do that my neighbor has basically threatened me and said some nasty things to me I don't think it's safe for you to move in with me.

I really really really need help finding a good camera and if I have to just have a vent session on Thursday and look at good cameras with you on my laptop and your laptop that would be great.

Because my mother is spending the night tonight sleeping in a chair because she won't sleep in a bed and I'm still wide awake and terrified that they're going to do something even with somebody staying here with me.

And I would say it's on APTSD paranoid level but not lost touch with reality level.

I have been looking at this from all therapeutic angles and I have tried all my coping skills possible and I just very much need to find a safe quiet place to move even if it's just temporary and I understand that my parents are having money issues and I would rather figure out how to financially do this even if I have to take alone because I am worried about my mental and physical health now that I have been threatened.

These are the same people that have vandalized my apartment twice.

My sister should or might be calling to schedule an appointment with me.

I tried to speak with her about what happened and her story is drastically different than mine even though I remember every single detail she was flashed out angry and she was also inebriated On something during that time.

She said she didn't put her hands-on me at all which is very hard for me to believe because I remember it.

Basically she is stoned constantly and I can't help her about that and I can't help her about her drinking or her anger issues it's just not within my circle of control.

And her recount of what happened is absolutely not what happened

And she tried to gas light me to my face that I did things that I did not do.

And I haven't forgotten it because it's a trauma in my brain that replays since it happened.

She's telling me that I put my hands-on her first but she's totally forgetting a chunk of time where she rushed me before I went to pick up the object I threw which was a goddamn candle and I tried to explain to her this evening that if it wasn't the candle it would have been something else the candle was just in my hand and I was fucking pissed off because her and my father were both screaming at me at the same time and I was completely overwhelmed And then they both attacked me after she rushed me and I tried to get the candle and everybody says I pushed her but she was the one hitting me and pushing me and I Way twice as much as her if not more than that and there is no way that I would have tried to hurt her I was trying to keep her from hurting me and move her out of the way and tell her to get off of me.

And her feelings were just so hurt because she had tried very hard to find a candle in a scent that I liked and has this weird complex that she thinks that I hate every present that she gives me and I told her before it's not her. I don't like surprises. I don't dislike anything she's giving me. I don't always have a happy excited reaction to anything people give me. My entire life people have gotten mad and confused with me because I don't get super thrilled excited when I get a gift all the time. I'm of course happy about it I just don't always show the emotions correctly that they're looking for.

But she didn't really want to talk about it anymore and I told her we could shelve it and discuss it with you if you fall it necessary

I did want to discuss with her that she doesn't realize that she couldn't really hurt me and dad hurt me and I could have had them arrested for assault but she doesn't remember assaulting me conveniently.

And honestly I would just like to figure out how to communicate with a 22-year-old sister and squash the beef and move forward because the way she works and the way she acts and hermanipulation tactics it's just not worth arguing with her because it becomes exhausting because that's what she does to get her way she just wears people out.

And I don't hate her I love her to pieces and I cried out of stress but also because I didn't think that she and her 3 friends would come over to hang out and check out the situation.

It's really hard to tell that she cares because she seems to have a lot of anger issues and I can't tell if she's telling the truth or lying because she has lying issues as well. And the thing is like she calls me a liar and yeah I do lie once in a while but it's not like constantly like she does. I mean we're both human but she has a real issue with it and she won't admit it and I can't make her so I just don't respond if I think it's bullshit. And it very much bothers her that I think that she's lying most of the time but I kind of think she did that to herself. Because she's been doing it since she was a little kid because she thought it was funny as a little candidate it's just become a habit.

She kind of just bosses around the guys she hangs out with I have 0 idea how she just has a gang of dudes and no female friends but then I thought about it and I'm like oh that's very similar to me oh my fucking God Jesus Christ freak out GIF.

Because it's like watching my myself The kind of dumber version.

Anyway I guess I can work on that and therapy at some point I don't know what you have planned for next session I am so fucking stressed out that I kind of just want a chill session honesthat maybe we can just work on something simple

I mean my mom is sound asleep and I am in my bed freaking out still because the neighbor's kids are sitting with a group of other boys playing loud ass music on their phones on the stairwell right next to my bedroom and I can't do anything about it.

I haven't told my partner every single detail of what's going on I've kind of kept it as short as possible for him because he gets overwhelmed with my stress and vice versa

I feel like I'm taking on a lot more than he is but my life has been a lot more different than his so I am not gonna really compare it 22 much

And I mean most dudes wouldn't stick around this long with me anyway at least that's how I feel and and he's been pretty supportive

I'm really hoping that maybe I can get this place on America street. It's actually kind of perfect I just don't know if the landlord is going to want to accept my ESA cats or ket me keep a foster dog for short periods because I am interested in doing that for my mental health and to make purpose in my life. I'm very very good at dog training despite liking cats and horses more.

I guess like the worst part of today like emotionally was being called a fat bitch and insulted by someone like twice my size who was pregnant who thought I was being a creep at her children but she was not outside watching her children her excuse was she was in the restroom but her chair was not outside and she was never at the fucking pool.

Also The other worst part of my day was sitting on my sofa and scream crying I want to go home while I was in my own residence.

And it was also pretty embarrassing because my apartment is executive dysfunction disaster and my sister and her friends came over and I looked like shit and I was embarrassed as fuck

And everybody seems to think that I'm being dramatic but I'm actually pretty fucking terrified right now and I'm scared to even have my mom sleeping here because what if something happens to my mother while she's here trying to be comforting to me but she's just dead ass asleep like nothing scares her but she's seen so much as an RN I guess nothing does.

And I don't know what to do when I feel like a big dumb idiot because I'm almost 38

I don't know how to handle these sorts of things.

I had to ask my sister's young friends where I should put up a camera and they were like it's just going to get knocked down by your neighbors and I'm like well at least if I get the right kind I'll see who did it on my phone.

But I don't even know what kind of git I've been looking at the ones that rotate and can go up and down that if I mount it in the right spot it will get sunlight and need less replacement of batteries and it has like a solar panel but there's like 60 different ones online and I don't know which one is the best 12 get that's not going to be horribly expensive.

And I shouldn't be getting a camera but I figure I can just bring it with me to wherever I move next but the camera is not going to make me feel any savor other than just knowing what's going on outside without having to look out the curtain.

Like we figured out where to put It where the safest spot would be if I got one but I just don't know which 1 to get and I really need help and nobody I know knows anything about cameras and I don't know who to ask and I don't want to go pay Twice as much Best Buy for something I can get on Amazon that will work the same that's cheaper and I'm so stressed out I don't even know if I can leave my house to go to Best Buy all I can prepare myself for right now is to Go to therapy on Thursday at 2 o'clock like my reminder has told me.

And get hamburger before therapy.

And right now that's pretty much my routine.

Otherwise it's bedrot and go to the Dollar General that I know the layout of and go to the Asian market does not stress me the fuck out like every other grocery store.

And I don't like this Joshua I don't like this at all.

I was not like this a year ago and I was not like I was then a year ago I am only getting worse even though people telling me I'm doing better and that doesn't make sense to me and I am confused.

I mean my mom is finally reading about autism and she gave my dad a print out about autism from the Mayo clinic and it's not exactly the most accurate thing because it's an older article but it's good enough and I'm happy that they're trying

And all I want to do right now is cry and wake up my mom and get a hug but she is going to yell at me if I do that

Like it wish I was a little kid and could just go climbing her lap because I'm just so scared dude

I'm terrified I don't want confrontation or violence or any more stress in my life because I don't know what will happen if I have a bad PTSD episode and lose touch with reality and that almost happened today because of this threatening ass crazy neighbor whose kids whose children under the age of 13 are harassing me now.

I mean literally in front of one of the office workers were like oh my God she had to have 1 of the office workers escort her back to her apartment because she's so scared

Yeah I am because I don't know what they're ratchet as rude mother is going to do to me and I didn't do anything to them

There were fucking creepy pedophile old men bothering her kids and she was nowhere around 1 day and She doesn't know that I saved her kids from to fucking creepy men.

And no they weren't 2 gay men just meeting up to hang out at the pool these where straight men they were older and they were very bizarre and acting very strange towards very young girls and I know that behavior because that shit has happened to me and I've seen it almost happen to my sister and many other young women and have had to get in between those men and other young women and I don't like it and I wish that mother would have understood and I wish I could have gotten a picture of the old man to bring to the office to tell everybody who they were so they wouldn't be around other people's kids.

And understand the other key people's kids are not my business and yes I should just let them swim in the pool and break the rules and drown but I'm not a monster and I have horrible trauma from Katrina.

I have seen children die. I have seen children bleeding injured screaming for people and I was in charge of reading them stories and giving them food and making sure they had water and I was also in charge of bringing things to other people who were being flown in from being in the flood waters for days and days. And it was horrible and I never ever wanted to deal with something like that again.

I'm so scared that I'm gonna have to go to a fucking hospital and I don't want to do that.

I'm so scared that I'm gonna have a heart attack because I've already having legitimate heart issues. And this dress is not helping a today I really thought that I was just gonna hit the floor and that was gonna be it.

And I'm tired of learning lessons and being around bad people and I just want to be in a safe spot away from all this crap.

And right now in my bank account I have enough money to hand to my parents and be like well this help me move any faster?

If I have to live on ramen noodles and ground meat and beans andspice and dollar store vegetables it was in order to move I will do that.

Also I did not eat 41 and a half days and then I ate the other night after I got stoned for my pain

And then today I didn't eat until like 10:30 PM

And it's not my eating disorder it's just pure anxiety

And I'm just scared I'm so fucking scared I do not want these people to bother me anymore.

And I don't have anybody to spend the night with me tomorrow night or the rest of the week

And I'm not gonna be able to have a roommate because it's just not safe.

And I am scared to go to bed and I know I need to.

I just feel like I'm running on nothing but a journal in an super hyper vigilant and my anxiety medicine is completely being overpowered by all of my stress and anxiety and all of that and I mean I haven't even smoked weed tonight I had planned too but I just didn't and I'm so sore and I hurt really bad in my hip and my back and it's probably because I've had all my muscles clinched up all day I'm day since I woke up

And I just don't know what the fuck to do.

I definitely want to do the testing stuff that we had planned or talked about doing like literally any of the testing stuff you want to do or you think might give you some insight on me or give me some sort of inside on my self

But honestly this Thursday all I plan to do is get my burger show app to therapy and I probably just need to cry and talk about things and just be heard that maybe get some help looking at cameras or figuring out what to do because this is bad for me and I'm so stressed out and I don't even know if you can help me with those things but I'm just asking that I don't think it hurts to ask

I just don't understand what people are so mean

I don't feel like a belonging in this world and I don't mean to suicidal away I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere

[icarus-suraki]

And this is all true. I was 19 and a sophomore in college. And I fucking remember "Freedom Fries."

"Cheese-eating surrender monkeys" came back into favor about that time too when the French were like "Non, merci" about "bombing [the "enemy"] back to the stone age."

And Dubya used the 9/11 attacks to go finish his daddy's war in Iraq for no good reason.

Rumors circulated that Clearchannel, now IHeartMedia, were banning certain songs because they were too distressing in the aftermath. Included were "Tuesday's Gone" and "Goodbye Ruby Tuesday" because the attacks happened on a Tuesday.

The endless flag stickers on just about everyone's cars. Just slap a big ol' plain rectangle flag sticker on your car to prove that You Support America.

Most large newspapers also printed a huge US flag the next day--like a full spread of two sheets just of the flag so you could, like, hang it in your window or something? I have no idea. It was to Support America I guess.

A lot of people said they were going to wear all red, white, and blue for the rest of the week.

Meanwhile, I was at a women's college that had very left-leaning aging Hippie professors and a surprising number of right-leaning students with some intense Evangelical associations. So they were excited that this might be the precursor to the Apocalypse and that the Rapture might really be immanent this time--!! I hung out with the professors...

My point, I think, is that this Major Event happened and everyone knew where they were when they heard but nobody knew what to do with the knowledge. No one knew what to do in the aftermath. It was like everything changed but it didn't feel any different. Everyone was scared and upset but it felt so directionless. Shouldn't we feel something more? Shouldn't we be doing something? But what was there to do?

So a lot of people got very nationalistic, very aggressive about bombing Iraq or Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan or whoever in the "Axis of Evil."

And Colin Powell got up in the UN and claimed there were WMDs in Iraq, despite what the UN said, which was as good a reason as any for Dubya to start a war there, along with the war in Afghanistan of course. And that was the start of the War on Terror--which was about as successful as the War on Drugs or the War on Poverty. I went to some antiwar protests in the winter of 2001-2002. The chant at the time was "Not in my name, not with my money." But it also felt kind of futile? Like the protests weren't going to stop Bush and the men who put him in power, but at least we could say out loud that we disagreed. Also I met some anarchists in person for the first time and that was cool.

Somehow there were also prowar protests at the same time which mostly revolved around "Support Our Troops" and "God bless America." I was angry at them at the time but now I think it's another example of not knowing what to do after such an event.

Being the feisty baby Leftist that I was as an undergrad I wrote a speech for public speaking class about Why The War In Iraq Is Fucking Stupid and later I wrote more than a couple of op-ed articles and letters for the college newspaper. And then a lot of my fellow students got really mad at me because I wasn't "Supporting Our Troops" (I wanted them not to go? And stay alive? Without PTSD?) and I wasn't being sufficiently "American." Literally had someone who was engaged to a guy in the military break down and cry during my speech because "It just feels like you don't support them!"

I think I also called Anne Coulter a nazi for the first time around that time lol. That made some of the angry subgroup even angrier lmao lmao. Die mad; I'm right.

Meanwhile, I have family in Ewing Township, NJ. Around about the time the anthrax attacks of 2001 happened, Tony Blair gave a speech about supporting the US and the "special relationship" between the UK and the US and so on... My darling grandmother of Ewing, NJ, was so moved by this that she decided to write him a letter in appreciation of his support. Ewing is just outside of Trenton, NJ, so my darling grandmother sent off her letter through the same post office as the first set of anthrax letters. Nice.

She did get a very kind, albeit canned, response, which I think amused her a great deal. And it was kind of novel to see the "irradiated" letters, though. They were weirdly fragile and crackly.

Fun fact: Mystikal's 2001 song, "Bouncin' Back (Bumpin' Me Against the Wall)" references both the aftermath of 9/11 and the anthrax attacks:

Done started some trouble and you ain't been out since Cause you stuck inside scared watching CNN Just take the precaution so yo life will be better Tell my friends to call me I ain't accepting no letters

I think I got a wedding invitation in late fall 2001 that had loose dried lavender in the envelope. I mean, I had a good laugh. Some people wouldn't have but I'm a fucking sicko.

Remind me to tell you the most incredible stolen valor story someday too...

Post 9/11 Trivia

Most folks on this site were either children on September 11, 2001, or weren’t even born yet.  But America went crazy for about a year afterwards.  Here’s some highlights that I remember that might not be in your history books:

There was national discussion on whether or not Halloween should be canceled because…fuck if I know why.  After planes crashed into buildings in NYC it follows that 6-year-olds in Iowa shouldn’t be allowed to dress up like Batman and ask their neighbors for candy, I guess.  (Halloween wasn’t canceled, by the way.)

On a similar note, people asked if comedy - any sort of comedy - was appropriate anymore, ever.

People sold shitty parachutes to suckers “in case your building gets attacked and you have to jump out the window.” There were honest-to-God news reports warning people not to jump out of the window with shitty mail-order parachutes because they wouldn't work.

As a follow-up to the attacks, someone mailed anthrax to some prominent politicians and news anchors - you know, famous people - along with some badly-written notes about “you cannot stop us, death to America, Allah is good” and after that every time some random dumbass found a package in the mail they didn’t recognize they thought that the terrorists were targeting them, too.

Everyone was similarly convinced that their town was going to be the next target, even if they were a little town in the middle of nowhere. "Our town of Bumblefuck, South Dakota (population 690) has the largest styrofoam pig statue west of the Mississippi! Terrorists might fly planes into that too! It's a prime target!"

People started taping up their windows and trying to make their houses or apartments airtight out of fear of chemical and biological attacks. There were news reports warning people that turning your house into an airtight box was a bad idea because, y'know, you need air to breathe.

"[X] supports terrorism!" and “if we do [X], the terrorists win!” were used as arguments for everything.  "Some rich Arab you never heard of donated to his organization that backs Hamas which backs al-Queda, and also owns stock in a holding company that has partial ownership of the Pringles company, so if you eat Pringles you're supporting terrorism!" "The terrorists want to tear down our freedoms and our way of life and rule us through fear! Eating what you want is one of our freedoms as Americans! If you're afraid to eat Pringles, the terrorists win!" (I promise you that this sort of argument is in no way hyperbole.) (This argument is how Halloween was saved, by the way.  “If we cancel Halloween, the terrorists win!”)

People worked 9/11 into everything, and I mean everything, whether it was appropriate or not.  If you went to the grocery store the tortilla chips would remind you to support the troops on the packaging. Used car sales would be dedicated to our brave first responders. You couldn't wipe your ass without the toilet paper rolls reminding you to never forget the fallen of 9/11, and again, this is not hyperbole. My uncle, who lived in Ohio and had never been to New York except to visit once in the 70′s, died of a stroke about 8 months after 9/11, and the priest brought up the attacks at the eulogy.

On a similar local note, on the day of 9/11, after the towers went down, gas stations in my home town immediately jacked up gas prices.  The mayor had the cops go around and force them to take them back down.  I doubt any of that was legal.

Before 9/11, Christianity in America - and religion in general - was on a downward swing, with reddit-tier atheism on the upswing. Religion was outdated superstition from a bygone age. The day after 9/11? Every single church was PACKED.

Besides dumb shit like that…it’s really hard to overstate how completely the national mood and character changed in the span of a day, or how much of the current culture war is a result of the aftermath. (9/11 was the impetus for the sharp rise in power of the Evangelical Right, who made themselves utterly odious and the following backlash helped the rise of the current Progressive Left, for instance.)