#literallt everywhere i go. im terried every time i talk and ppl hear my accent and know im american and not feom here. im terrified to go | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 5 years ago

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ok im back i think. when i made that post the other night my panic attack wasn’t over and an hour later it got so bad that i m*de m*self s*ck and ive been trying to lay low and heal since then but things are just. really bad right now i think. i appreciate everyone’s advice though im sorry if i worried anyone

#the past 72 hrs have been like. unreal but at least i caught up on some journaling so thst felt good. but everyrjing else is a total mess #i think a big part of why im struggling so much is bc im not eating well. all the food i make for myself comes out terrible and everything i #buy has sugar/salt/oil/etc in it or is processed on shared equipment and so its rly havig a big effect on my mental / physical health but #idk what to do and im struggling ao muxh. ive only told a few ppl what happened to me but i was too embarrassed to talk abt the panic attack #cuz it was stupid and totally my dault and if ppl know i hid that from them idk what theyll think. not that it matters but its all so hard #my anxiety is getting so so so fucking bad. idk if its worth coming home over like im suffering a lot but like. not That Much u know? at #least i dont think bc my perception of that is rly skewed. all i know is that im homesick and weak and sad all the time and now im stressed #on top of that cuz i have hw. im making better friends w 2 ppl ib my cohort so thats good but otherwise everything is a lot. im uncomfortabl #literallt everywhere i go. im terried every time i talk and ppl hear my accent and know im american and not feom here. im terrified to go #in2 the kitchen if i hear noise cuz i know my flatmates probably thjnk my food aituation is rly weird and obnoxious and i dont wanna bother #them. im terrified to ask ppl to go into town w me to shop but every time i join someone when i get invited i come home w a stimachache. idk #uow 2 shop for myse off and ive bought the wrong pads TWICE now and i keep buying things i dont need bc i panic and its horrible #im trying to keep trying but its SO HARD. and theres no one here to save me or jump in. im totally on my own and i feel so alone and scared #which is parhetic bc im one of the oldest ppl in the group and i should know how to take care of myself but i dont! and then u throw in the #dr*nkkjng situation and its just fucki ng awful so idk. idk what to do. im trying to keep trying. im trying to try to keep trying.#purrs #brighton #emetophobia tw #food tw #ask to tag

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