#listening 2 aphex twin

[deerest-me]

underrated sub sub sub genre is when the drums sound like someone hitting metal grating with an adjustable wrench

[boogie-pilgrim]

albums i fell in love with in 2022

[moonsetterz]

stole from reddit im still processing this i dont know half the artists. except karkats i know every single fucking one. i dont know if i agree but i do think its funny

[evolnoomym]

Bigger than the whole sky 🌌

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Pt.2🌠 | Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: You meet Joel and well of course you fall for each other. It’s a bit bumpy since he’s your Dads best friend. But things seem to work out until they don’t anymore. One event changes everything.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: no use of y/n, pov switches that might be confusing, female reader, reader has hair, reader wears makeup, reader can get pale, weight loss, implied childhood abuse, trauma, angst, heavy angst(?), implied smut, alludes to pregnancy, funerals, coffins, reader has no name only a bunch of nicknames, size difference, dbf!Joel Miller, mentions of throwing up, loss of a loved one, grief, depression (?), food and eating issues are mentioned, talks of having a baby, Blood, dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts, age gap, readers age is not exactly mentioned but Joel is 44, talks of getting married….

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Authors note: this is for @almostfoxglove ‘s Angst Writing Challenge. Shoutout to her she created the moodboard, it’s sooooo beautiful. 🫶🏻

Shoutout to @thecutestgrotto and @cafekitsune for the dividers 💙

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is also only my second time posting writing for a specific character. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. This not beta read btw only by my eyes and they hurt after starring at the screen for so long 🌌🫶🏻

And lastly I’ll leave some songs i listened to while writing <3

loml by Taylor Swift

Black Friday by Tom Odell

This is what the drugs are for by Gracie Abrams

I guess by Mitski

Present by Lloyd Vaan

Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

Home by Daughter

Allowed to be Happy by Gustavo Santaolalla

Song on the Beach by Arcade Fire, Owen Pallet

aisatsana [102] by Aphex Twin

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Francis Forever by Mitski

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Medicine by Daughter

Youth by Daughter

I can barely say his name by Patrick Jonsson

listen before I go by Billie Eilish

You remember exactly how you met Joel Miller, it was so simple. He was the one to give your Dad a job at the construction company he led together with his younger brother Tommy. In the beginning you only heard how great of a boss he supposedly was through your Dads stories. 

Joel and him seemed to have grown into real good friends in the span of mere weeks. You always had wondered what the man from his stories was like in person, up close. 

When you had to drive to the construction site to bring your Dad his lunch he had forgotten due to being a bit busy that morning. It seemed like your wishes to meet Joel would become reality. You didn’t think the big boss would spend his precious time with the actual building process but as you'd figure out in the future, Joel is a hands on kinda guy. 

You must’ve looked super out of place and quite lost when he approached you. His Texas drawl still echoed through your head hours later. „Well Hello Darlin, lookin for someone?“ and if that alone didn’t completely blew you away, then certainly his stunning looks. When you turned towards the voice a tall, broad and awfully handsome man looked back at you.

After an awkward beat of silence he stretched his hand out towards you “Apologies sweetheart, should’a start with the name, huh?” Tilting his head slightly “Name’s Joel, Joel Miller.” At that you let your hand slip onto his outstretched one. His hand was so huge, warm and calloused. Shaking his hand kinda calmed you down Joel Miller was absolutely lovely. “Nice to finally meet the famous Joel Miller that my Dad keeps yapping about nonstop.” You giggled while cheekily winking at him. 

That must’ve been a key moment for everything that was to follow. You’d see Joel again and again. Whether due to your Dad inviting the single, 44 year old Man over or due to you having to deliver your Dad’s forgotten food. 

The tension was slowly building higher and higher between you two until one day in Joel’s office you could no longer hold back. 

Joel stood in his office with you by his side, in front of a pinboard containing all sorts of information about his newest project. He was animatedly explaining processes you’d never understand in a million years. You actually kind of tuned him out and just enjoyed being unbelievably close to him. 

Then his face kinda looked confused. Oh no he must’ve asked you a question. Shaking your head you say  “Mhhh sorry, what did you just ask?” Joel tilts his head towards you the way he always does and then states “Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?” 

He always comes up with the most ridiculous nicknames that cause a vicious pull in your lower stomach. You lost count of how many conversations with him ended in drenched panties. 

“I….i -of course I was listening to you, why wouldn’t I?” You stammered a bit offensively, surely he’d see right through you. 

“Hm kay, so what was I talkin bout, gorgeous?” He’s teasing at this point. 

“Ok I wasn’t listening but that is a lot I don’t get anyway so can you really blame me, Miller?” You fired back. 

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little head of yours, instead of listening to me?” You just scoff at him “Let’s not pretend you don’t know exactly what I was thinking about Joel.” Pointing one accusing finger at his broad chest. At that motion Joel enveloped your wrist in one of his massive hands, pulling you closer that way. Until you were right in front of him, only a tiny space left between your faces. “Why don’t ya tell me whatcha thinkin about Baby?” 

He must know, just by seeing how your eyes keep slipping down to glance at his pillowy lips, what is going through your head. You’ve been dancing around this topic, the tension, the pull towards each other, how forbidden it is for all of this to happen. Joel is your Dads Best friend and he’s twice as old as you are but you know that if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll go insane. It’s all you think about, kissing him and then some more. 

For the first time in years you actually consider letting someone get so close again. Joel would never hurt you like the ones before him did, no, he’s mature and wouldn’t play any of those stupid games. You know how kind, considerate, protective and caring he is for the ones he loves. Sure it won’t be easy to explain any of this to your Dad but you can’t think about that right now, no, you have to kiss Joel, it’s the last thought before leaning up to push your lips against his. 

One chaste kiss that erupted into a full blown make out session that only got interrupted by some frantic knocks at Joel’s Office door. 

From that day on those meetings became a routine, in his office, his truck, his house or sometimes he’d take you out of town for a super secret Date. The thrill of hiding with the possibility of getting caught soon turned into shame for lying to your Dad so much. You wanted to tell him even though it scared you more than anything how he might react. 

Surprisingly though he didn’t completely freak out, of course he was shocked and confused how this combination came to be. More than anything he took the lying personally and made clear that as long as you are happy, so is he. If Joel was the one then so be it, besides your Dad has a lot of respect for Joel and knows you're in good hands. 

After 3 months of being an official couple Joel asked if you’d be happy to move in with him. You had to think about it for a long time, feeling quite guilty about leaving your Dad behind but he reassured you that he would be fine on his own. He told you that a grown woman like you shouldn’t have to live with her boring old man anymore than you already did. 

So you moved into Joel’s house. And what followed were months filled with wonderful memories. Many barbecues were held, your Dad and Joel always standing at the grill together, each nursing on their beer bottles. 

Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe your Dad was invited over so you could make sure he still ate enough, the night always ending with you sending him home with a bunch of Tupperware's filled to the brim with deliciously homemade meals. 

When you wanted to paint the walls in the living room a new shade your Dad came over to help. 

Making sure his baby girl is happy and content was your Dads number one priority. 

Then one day you went over to his house to catch up a little bit, just you two having some Dad and Daughter one on one quality time. 

He was so excited when you told him that Joel and you want to have a baby. 

He told you what a great mother you’d make because of how wonderful you always have been with kids and how much you always wanted to have kids of your own. 

To others it might’ve been weird to share such an information with their Dad but you have such a close bond that it’s not weird at all. 

You were so happy on the drive home cuz you know what great grandpa he’d make. 

It must've been exactly one week later when you woke up with an indescribable feeling in your chest. As if the world spun a little slower, or the air felt more compromising…whatever it was you couldn’t stop feeling like something had happened. 

Your intuition only perked up more when your Dad didn’t show up for the usual Sunday’s breakfast you recently started doing. 

After 8 calls that nobody picked up you told Joel you would drive over there and as if he knew that you would need him for whatever was awaiting you there, he came with you. 

The closer you got to the house the worse you felt. Hands sweaty, heartbeat racing and your stomach felt like turning over at the sight of the house. Usually he would be up by now playing his obnoxiously loud music that you’d hear on the street through the open kitchen window. Instead it was eerily quiet. 

When Joel had parked the car he told you to wait for him but you couldn't. You just ran up the steps, unlocked the door with your spare key and bolted through the house as if on instinct you skipped up the steps to his bedroom. You flung the door open and there he was. Just laying on his designated side with his glasses still on and one hand on his chest across his heart. He looked like he was just sleeping but deep down you knew he was not. You can’t remember a lot, only that you immediately bolted towards the bathroom to empty your stomach out, Joel came up too and tried  comforting you through the heaving. Then he tried to get you away from the scene. Joel took care of everything while you just locked up inside of yourself. No tears, no screams, no words, not a singular reaction just nothing. Joel had never seen you look so…empty. 

Later on the authorities would say it’s just natural cause, he simply passed in his sleep, nothing dramatic. Not the kind of closure you would have wanted. It didn’t matter how “normal” it was, your world stopped spinning entirely. Everyone seemed to go one but you just stopped. 

Suddenly without any foreshadowing everything was completely flipped on its head. You loved him so much, he was your best friend. He told you all the time how much he loved you even with all your struggles. You’d never have to prove your worth to him; he'd love you no matter what. In his eyes you were a gift, opposite to your mother that looked at you as a burden. You never felt loved by her. She took away your precious childhood and forced you to grow up quickly. So you could take care of her. Even when you told her how close to the edge you were she always made everything about herself. Out of your parents the one person that actually wanted you, died and with him so did your willingness to continue with the fight against all your inner demons.

You lost yourself after that. For weeks you just slept, barely moving, only getting up to use the toilet and perhaps eat something small and drink a bit. Joel had to shower you, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it yourself. Who you were before losing your Dad was gone, as if you died with him. 

Joel tried everything in his power to make you feel better. One time he wanted to paint with you since you loved to do that, but the moment your eyes caught sight of the little paint pots you ran for the toilet to empty out your stomach. Later on he realized his mistake, you used to paint with your Dad a lot all the way back in your childhood so of course that would not make you feel better. Then he tried playing music for you either your favorite songs from your playlist or on his guitar. Nothing, you just continued to be completely catatonic. 

Then the funereal came, a day Joel dreaded he was not sure you’d be able to handle it. In the morning he made your hair and applied a bit of makeup, he watched you do your little routine often enough to know what he was doing. Afterwards he dressed you in a simple black dress and equally black flats. Walking only worked since Joel kept you upright. 

Sitting in the front row bench at the chapel you looked like a ghost. Pale and sunken in. You were asked to do a speech about your Dad but that would’ve been impossible. So Joel went up to do it instead. You just stared straight ahead at the coffin, not sparing a glance towards Joel. 

And once everything was over, the people, mostly his colleagues, paid him their respects. When everyone was gone you stayed and just laid your head on the coffin silently sobbing, which was the most emotion Joel had seen in weeks from you. Only he was to witness this vulnerability. 

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. His name is written in cold stone. All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name. 

You walked away without sparring another glance toward the grave.

Then it seemed like you were getting better. You spoke more, ate more and slept less. You even searched out body contact with Joel, though it was just some cuddling and gentle kissing. But he took it as a step in the right direction. 

You almost fully returned to your old self but Joel could have not predicted how wrong he would be. 

He should’ve listened to his gut that told him something was off when you didn’t kiss him goodbye before he left for work that morning. 

You know how hard it will be but there’s no other choice. You have to get away, you have to leave so he can find someone better, someone who deserves a man like Joel Miller, someone less troubled, someone normal. 

Those fears you have now, always were inside of you but with your Dad passing they just all came to the surface. Grief killed you, it took everything, it’s as if you're in a room with a beautiful glowing bulb and some dark entity just rips it away. You're left in the dark and not even Joel’s light can make it better. 

You lost something nothing can replace. 

All your life you feared what would happen if you’d lose someone like this without any way of getting closure, he died without any warning just poof and gone he was. 

Your final goodbye was never said. 

Now you can’t remember how he used to be, you only remember him laying in his bed without moving a damn muscle,dead. You were the one to find him and even though it was not some unsettling scene it’s not leaving your head. You try hard to remember how he spoke that sarcastic tone he usually used. 

You can’t remember his face anymore, not even looking at pictures brings him back and at the same time he’s all you think about as if he’s haunting you. You hate him for leaving you so early. Why him? What kind of curse was laid upon you that everything always seems to fall apart when you think it’s finally working out. 

It’s as if some higher up can sense that you are happy and content with your life and they don’t want to give you that sorta life. 

The moment your brain processed what had happened you fell into the darkness like a big hole that sucked you in without any way out. Anyone around you could be another loss so what do you do? You leave, you disappear so no one gets hurt by whatever is wrong with you. 

Looking at yourself hurts because it’s him you see and it’s him you hear in your head he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes you feel like you’re hallucinating because you swear to see him round the corner, you can almost hear him call out but when you try to look there’s nothing. 

Sometimes but much rarer than you’d like to admit you’ve visited the grave, sometimes you speak to no one. Sometimes you scream in agony till you almost lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Sometimes you just stare. 

It’s a sick twist of events considering how often he walked on cemeteries with you as a child. You didn’t understand the meaning behind them back then, you only loved to admire the beautiful flower ornaments laying on top of the graves. Your dad always told you how soothing these walks seemed for you. 

One time he took you and you had so much fun admiring the flowers giggling and smiling. Your dad wanted to tell you off since it’s a place where people grieved especially with a woman sitting nearby crying. He went to apologize to her on your behalf but the woman told him not to. She thought it was an uplifting sight to see little you having so much joy about the flowers, that’s a story he always kept telling you again and again. 

All your life those walks soothed your frayed mind. The quiet somber energy is something no other place could compare with. Now it’s the last place you’d wanna be in. The moment you step foot on the property, the panic starts to creep up on you. The closer you get to him the worse it gets. 

Sometimes the voices in your head scream to just start digging into the earth to get him out of that godforsaken coffin. Look at him, do something to bring him back. If the devil would show up to take you instead of your dad you’d do it. He was a troubled man but he tried so hard. He did not deserve any of this, he should’ve been here for all the good times yet to come. 

You imagined him walking you down the aisle, having that stupid first look with him where he’d surely try so hard not to cry but looking at his baby in a wedding dress would’ve been way too much for him to stay strong. You imagined having your first dance with him. 

You imagined how excited he would’ve been to hear that he was going to be a grandpa. In your head you can see him with a little baby that looks just like you. But none of this will ever happen; he's dead. 

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at Joel. He's connected to him as well; he was his boss and one of his closest friends. It’s not fair you know but in your head you see Joel and your dad laughing on the porch about some old men shit like always making their awful dad jokes. Or drinking a beer together or looking to fix something around the house. 

The house, Joel’s house and a place your dad spent a lot of time in. Walking through the hallways is not pleasant anymore, the couch is avoided as best as you can. He used to sit here all the time watching soccer games with Joel. The chair at the dining table he always sat on had to be removed simply seeing it made you sick and eating was already a hefty struggle since he passed. 

He left a mark anywhere and all of it was getting too much. The pressure in your head becomes more and more unbearable. 

Even though you tried to push all those negative festering thoughts away the voices could not be shut up no matter what you tried. 

The worst was when they started to go for Joel, suddenly all you could think of was how he’d die. Joel is only 10 years your dad’s junior. So if he died then why not Joel too. 

So many horrible scenarios played out inside your mind. Car accident, some freak accident on a construction site, getting attacked by multiple people, torturing him slowly, beating him to death, his head all split open, blood everywhere, or what if he gets shot by some crazy Texan who loves guns. There really was not a scenario left to imagine. 

Nightmares in the most cruel ways destroying you slowly from the inside out. And that just proved how one thing can make an avalanche of events happen. He was your purpose for most of your life, you only continued to play this game called life because you could not leave him. And now he left you. 

One time he told you how if it weren’t for you he’d be dead or in jail since there would be no reason to give a damn about his life. He was just like you, living for others instead of for himself. No one understood you like him. Somewhere deep inside you know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself so much but that singular fact does nothing compared to all the ever suffocating darkness. 

You’d give anything to have him back, feel his warm embrace one more time, hear him say how much he loves you, have him tell you one of his stories, have him tell you it’s going to be alright, take one more look and inhale his signature scent. You have one of his shirts doused in his favorite perfume, it’s what you used to do in all those years you lived far away from him during childhood. Now it does not help like it did back then. What remains of him? Nothing, all of his stuff shoved into a storage unit looked up, buried just like him. 

You know Joel tried hard to be supportive and not push you too hard. Sometimes you wished he would’ve just screamed at you, slapped some sense into you and told you to stop being such a disgraceful mess. That’s what they would’ve done. 

But Joel is not like that,  he helped you so much. Putting himself so far behind. So much so that you feel sorry he has to deal with an ill girlfriend, that’s what you are, a mental wreck. 

He deserves better treatment than the lackluster one you have given him in the last months. He deserves to be free of your weight dragging him down towards the abyss. Even though he told you in the beginning that he loves you with all the baggage and all the challenges, you cannot let him continue to waste his time. 

Besides you’re convinced he’d leave you anyway like everyone before one way or another you end up alone. You have no control of the situation but if you leave then you have the control it still hurts but it’s the only option in your head. 

The decision was made weeks ago, it felt wrong to lie to Joel to keep him thinking everything is fine only to then rip it all away but perhaps it’ll make him hate you so it’s easier. If he hates you then he will be able to move on with his life. Burn all you build together down.

 And then you knew today would be the day. You couldn’t bear to kiss him in the morning; it would only make everything harder. Some time after he left you got up. One last time using the shower you both occasionally used together having foam party’s, giggling, washing each other and then kissing, touching till it leads to you with your cheek squished against the tile and Joel behind you ferociously hitting that special spot inside of you, till you both reach your high. Now you’re alone staring at that specific spot in the tiles, too much so you turn away. 

One last time looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink, the mirror Joel and you both looked into while brushing your teeth. You dry your hair, put on fresh clothes, nothing too dramatic, just some simple black leggings and a black cotton shirt. 

Then you start packing the most important stuff into two big suitcases. Basically only clothes, some hygiene products and a few trinkets that you don’t want to leave behind. The rest can be either sold by Joel or thrown away. You don’t care, the less holding you back the better. 

Once the suitcases are packed you haul them down the stairs towards the front door. And then you just wait. For hours you sit at the dining table just staring ahead at the wall opposite where so many photos of Joel and you hang so many memories and you’ll destroy it. 

You should feel bad but these days you barely feel anything, numb is what you think you feel most of the time. Maybe that’s what your ex meant when he said that you don’t own a heart, that you’re a cold blooded mean person. Someone who plays with people until they stop serving their purpose, that's what he said. 

It’s almost 8pm, Joel should be home soon. You have practically studied the words you’ll say. An Uber already ordered to arrive 15 minutes after he should get home. Not much to talk about the less the easier so you can just walk away. 

Then you hear it, Joel’s truck driving up the driveway and coming to a halt. How he gets out and slams the door shut behind him. His keys jiggling while he searches for the right one. Unlocking the door and closing it behind him. You don’t turn towards him although you know he must be looking at you in astonishment. He can not miss the suitcases and something about the lack of his words tells you he knows exactly what this means. 

Joel cannot believe what he walked into, he knew something was off but just thought that he was starting to imagine things but here you are sitting like an empty shell of yourself and the packed suitcases can only mean one thing, he tries his hardest not to freak out that won’t make anything better. 

He starts walking towards you, slowly, once he reaches the threshold of the living room he speaks up 

“Moon, Darling what’s goin on?” He immediately continues “What’s with those suitcases, huh?” He can’t even hide the nervous quiver in his voice. 

You turn to finally look at him with empty eyes, get up and walk up to him and then “I have to leave.” And with that you move to walk past him but Joel stops you by reaching for you arm, you immediately pull your arm away hissing “Don’t fuckin touch me Joel.” 

He’s stunned by this harsh rejection, his expression full of hurt. Yet he persists by getting close, grabbing your face with both hands, his warm calloused hands that you love- loved so much. He urges “Talk to me baby, what is going on, why would ya need to leave?” Even with everything he tried to be gentle, his voice panicked yet almost just a whisper. 

He can see in your eyes some sadness creeping in when you mutter “Joel..-“ you take one deep inhale “-…this House no longer feels like home.” He can tell even with how hard you try to appear collected that it pains you to say those words. “Wh…what do ya mean? If- if the house is the problem we can just move.” You cut in “No Joel, no i..I don’t love you anymore. Ok? I can’t stay here any longer.” 

It’s a punch right into his gut there’s no way you are serious. “Baby all ya stuff is here you can’t just leave.” He tries to find something to buy him time. “I don’t care Joel just…just throw it away or sell it or I don’t know fuckin burn it. I won’t need it anyway.” He’s so shocked that you use that to continue your path towards the front door and the waiting suitcases. 

On top of one suitcase lies a tote bag containing your phone, a jacket and your wallet sits. You swing it over your shoulder, you can hear that Joel has started crying, his huffed breaths are all you can hear. 

That’s when a car starts honking outside, the Uber is here, you go to open the front door twisting the knob you can hear him walking up behind you with heavy steps. You open the door anyway with him at your back and you move the suitcases out onto the porch. Joel’s trying his hardest to contain his sobbing to a minimum but it’s hard he loves you so much, he thinks about the ring in his wardrobe hidden behind stuff you’d never go for and he thinks about the talks you two had of having a baby. If only he knew 

His heart is breaking watching you walk away from all of it. You turn to him, one last time, he looks shattered, you've never seen Joel like this, you give him a nod as if to give him the ok to touch you one more time if only to give some kind of closure. He moves closer without hesitation and takes your face in his hands once more and leans his forehead against yours. His frantic breathing collides with your face and then “Wh…why Baby just why?” He sobs A simple question and you decide to give him at least something you reach up to put your hands over his to get him to open his eyes. 

“Joel I’m not myself anymore, i-…i feel so all over the place and I’m so scared.” Tears start clouding your sight. “I need to be away from everything. I need to be alone far away to just maybe find some peace. I need to be gone.” And the tears start falling “No matter where I look I can’t stop seeing him and it’s crushing me.” Now you're full on crying. He’s processing what you’re saying and somewhere in his mind he understands that, still he can’t believe this is it. 

“Ok-….if ya need to go at least promise you’ll give some sorta sign ya alright?” He looks desperate “Please Baby….please just a text something anything.” You only nod and then pull out of his grasp, take the suitcases and shakinly make your way to the Uber. Joel can only watch and hope you’ll stick to your words, hope that you’ll find some kind of way back to yourself. 

The Uber driver gets out as you approach and opens the trunk helping to put the suitcases in there. Then you walk to the right door on the back, open it and hesitate for a moment. Joel holds his breath but you continue to slip into the backseat. Closing the door and off the car goes. Joel doesn’t know for how much longer he stood on the porch long after the car was gone. What was there is no more. 

Npt: @almostfoxglove @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @the-mandawhor1an @rivnedell (honestly I’m tagging pretty randomly, sorry) 💙

Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻

[junkworldusa]

big ask post

i wear a lot of black, but no :(

VALIS by PKD, Cat's Cradle by Vonnegut, Dawn by Octavia Butler, Ada or Ardor by Nabokov, the Breath of the Sun by Isaac Fellman. thank you!

this is a v sweet ask, thank you. i think i'm still clumsy at expression, which is why i've stopped posting as many short comics. i want to force myself to express something through a larger narrative, something that you can't just turn to the viewer & explain in 4 panels. but all that aside,

try to read a lot, not just genre fiction! read stuff that's weird and hard and outside your wheelhouse. history, classics, psychoanalysis, whatever. and after you do you should process it somehow, whether that's by writing or talking or seeing what other ppl think about it. after i read Blood Meridian i listened to the YaleCourses lecture on it while i made dinner and i was arguing out loud with the professor the whole time. i think that's the only real advice that i have, not just to seek out new art but to take the time to process it and develop opinions on it. (same goes for film, paintings, plays, etc)

ty! by sheer volume it's detroit house... progressive techno... aphex twin. & i've been on a west coast hip hop kick bc of kung fu kenny

i've just been using bigcartel, it's really simple to set up & they don't take a cut. (stripe/paypal still does but that's unavoidable.)

ty! i mostly draw in Canson XL Mixed Media sketchbooks. for sketching: staedtler non-photo blue pencils, tombow fudenosuke brush pens, faber-castell pitt artist pens, micron graphic pens (they don't last though!!!!!!). for inking it's the classics: winsor newton series 7 size 2 & a tachikawa nib holder w/ hunt 102 nib. the nib doesn't actually fit so i have to wrap tape around the base. don't be like me.

i've recently started buying winsor-newton watercolors but tbh the sakura koi field palette is cheap and vibrant and i still use it all the time!

whatever's on my mind, which is usually little guys being existential. welcome!

[obsessivemusicfr3ak]

10/18/24 12:00 AM

NEW FUCKING MACHINE GIRL ALBUM JUST DROPPED WE FUCKING LISTENING BITCH

1:Ok fr tho already heard first song from single its aight (better than i remember now that im listening again) ((theres also no lyrics out yet so im not gonna mention those at all))

2:Second song titled "nu nu meta phenomenon" is fucking INCREDIBLE the sound design and awesome drums continue the awesome trend of live instrumentation mixed with glitchy elements that leads to a heavenly experience!

3:Glitchy goodness continues on the third track, which has some amazing synth leads that are just a fucking amazing vibe. The ending is great aswell! A nice build up and climax to some CRAZY noise.

4:The standout element of this album is definitely the drums. The groove you get from them is exemplified perfectly on this track. Pretty nice track although ill have to let it grow on me a bit ngl.

5:This track is completely unique from anything else ive heard on the album. (I cannot get over the fact that the first verse uses the same flow as your favorite martian on mr douchebag.) The sound design continues to be otherwordly, legitimately so on this track sounding like music from outerspace. The latter half of this track is a lot more smooth and enjoyable than the first half.

6:Ohhh my god this interlude is amazing. Super ambient yet creepy vibes. Just a really nice relaxing track im definitely coming back to a ton.

7:Ive heard this song before. Absolute peak. Easily top 3 machine girl songs ever released, imo. Perfect blend of awesome electronic drums and live instrumentation in the more "punk rock" sections. The idm sections have an awesome groove and the transitions to the punk rock sections are just SO good. When this first dropped i was very surprised by it, but hearing it in context it makes perfect sense and fits snuggly as the center of this album.

8:Super cool track. Awesome drum grooves with some really unique vocals. Overall this is just a really fun song, with the high pitch really "bright" sounding instruments. The switch up later on brings a really nice element to this track aswell. Will be returning to this track many times i can tell. Not much to say here its just really good lol

9:The high pitch vocals really make this track for me. Super (again) groovy feel and awesome sound. The chaotic ending gives this track a good feel that makes it stand out from the rest of the tracklist

10:Living up to its name, "Grindhouse" starts with super dark feeling, as if you are in a house party on acid in a movie. This track just gets me moving man its so dancable! The second part of this track blends themes of house and techno with the experimental dark sound going on here, machine girl style with crazy sound design and distinctly machine girl vocals. This song just has a bounce to it that i love.

11:Another great interlude that sounds like a radio transition on a bad trip.

12:Transition into this song was amazing. The vocals already are captivating me with this aphex twin drukqs synth vibe, similar to cock/ver10. Vibing hard to this crazy ass track, just loving this switchup midway through, suddenly switching to a nice chill beat that still somehow sounds cracked out. AND IT SWITCHES UP AGAIN! Holy this song is so fucking good... the bass synths going loud in my ears and insane sounds im hearing definitely makes this track sound exactly like its name, "schizodipshit". The glitchyness adds to it aswell, and the cut back to reality with this simple beat right after omggg this song is phenomenal!!!!!

13:This was the third single for MG Ultra, and i love this song through and through, from the starting section with amazing drumming and superb chorus. I know the lyrics by heart to this song already i love it so much!! Its super relatable to me with it being about being belittled in small ways adding and not feeling respected by your peers. With lines like "psychic attack, when you're talking shit behind my back, psychic attack when i fall and hear your laughter" reveals this theme. Amazing final track that is a perfect closer for this just amazing album.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This album is the start of a new direction for machine girl, one of punk rock influence and more live instrumentation which I am really excited for! This keeps the same crazy energy and wild sound design and mixes it with punk rock groovyness. A must listen for machine girl fans. They have outdone themselves with this record. 10/10

[world0fmadness]

˖◛⁺⑅do you have any favorite songs? (metal or non-metal, both are cool!!)

also, i love your account. your writing, even when you're just answering asks, is so good!! 🫠

is writing something you study, or is it more like a hobby for you? i always get inspired whenever i read your stuff tbh.

seriously tho, your whole vibe is so sweet (｡･･｡) just wanted to say i really appreciate what you do here! 💖

oh goshhh… i have so so so many favourite songs! you have unleashed a demon through this question lolol! hopefully you don’t mind that i am about to put quite a damn few hehe

despair by trembling void ( just a genuinely gorgeous black metal song, the drums and guitar really do something for me, not to mention the vocals! but to be honest, the whole album is very very very good and i would recommend you check it out )

sorcières by darvulia ( another black metal song where the instruments are just… so good! along with the vocals, of course! very amazing song, love their band logo too )

where restless souls wander by sarastus ( the first time i heard this song, i was absolutely gobsmacked at how much my brain loved it! i think i’m very easy to please but everything about this one just hits right for me, the drums especially )

odin killer of nazis by nuclear hammer ( the horn blowing and drum banging in this one just wowww, my brain loves it for some reason! vocals are of course very good too )

pines and mist by old tower ( arghhh, i just love some good atmospheric music! another one where you should definitely check out the whole album )

xtal by aphex twin ( who the hell does not love some aphex twin? just got this album on cd a couple days ago, love it )

siccmade by brotha lynch hung ( you just cannot go wrong with some lynch! the friday the 13th “ ch ch ch ah ah ah ” in the background of this song is just… chefs kiss! i find myself saying “ oh what a bloody mess ” every time i get my period because of this song )

unshaken by d’angelo from the red dead redemption II soundtrack ( just such a beautiful song, damn near makes me cry every time i hear it! his live performances of it are always just amazing too! his voice is just jaw dropping to me )

snake eater by cynthia harrell from the metal gear solid V soundtrack ( another just absolutely beautiful song with an even more gorgeous voice… her live performance of this in tokyo was absolutely fucking incredible! just one of those “ must listen to at least once in your life ” songs )

promise by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 2 soundtrack ( this song, to me, belongs to mary… whenever i think of this song, i just think of mary and the end of the game! the remake version of this song is just so so so good too, it played during the credits and did i cry? yep, like a fucking baby! the guitar work touches my soul so deeply )

okay, those are all of the reasons i’m going to give but here are some of my other favourites! just to keep this post at least a little short lolol! i could keep this list going for so long…

isolation by jute gyte - exhibition by corentin brasart from the decarnation soundtrack - involuntary disturbance by avith ortega - all or none by pearl jam

i am the black wizards by emperor - straighten up and fly right by the andrews sisters - frankensteina strataemontanus by carach angren

a world of madness by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 2 soundtrack - blood on my swordblade by godkiller

contempt by entombed - you’re not here by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 3 soundtrack - flesh ripper by hellripper - thunder of darkness by immortal

she’s my witch by kip tyler - to hell and back by venom - no care by daughter - blood spattered banner by carcass

we’ll meet again by vera lynn - my dark subconscious by morbid - day of suffering by morbid angel

you spin me round by dead or alive - every day is exactly the same by nine inch nails - necromancer by mortuary drape - goatcraft torment by urgehal

thank you so much! i’m super glad you love my blog… still find it hard to believe, even months down the line of creating it! awh, thank you again! sometimes i worry about my writing not being the greatest but then you guys come in and just shower me in so much love, more than i could ever feel worthy of…

writing is just a hobby for me, at least at the minute! i’m not studying anything right now, just kind of getting my life back on track after years of mental health issues and so on… learning how to live normally again, slowly! maybe later down the line i’ll go to college or something but we shall see… i would like to go into writing professionally if it was an option, my mother thinks i would make a good game or tech reviewer lolol! ever the supportive mother, though it’s kind of my whole family at this point… i think my dream career paths would be a game reviewer, music journalist or photographer! having one of those jobs would certainly make me happy

i’m so glad to hear that you feel inspired when reading my writing, you don’t know how happy that makes me! if you want to get into writing yourself, i could not encourage you more to try it out… i only started writing fanfiction early this year! i had never ever wrote fanfiction before then but i just kind of threw myself into it… and now here we are! really just let yourself try it out, let yourself sink into it and see how it goes :)

thank you once again for this ask and message, honey! you’re flattering me all too much here! you guys have always been nothing but beyond sweet to me, i would hate to treat all of you any different… you deserve nothing less than to be treated with love and respect! you appreciate what i do and i love doing what i do, more than i could ever ask for <3

[doubledyke]

what kinda music would the eds like?

oh dude

you'll be shocked to learn that all their tastes are based on my own.

to me eddy is a big Music Enjoyer™ and i think he goes through phases, but his overall taste is expansive. he's is obviously into disco - abba, sylvester, bee gees, EWF, kool and the gang, barry white. i see him enjoying old funk/soul/r&b - bootsy collins, the gap band, chaka khan, curtis mayfield, patrice rushen. pop/country oldies - nancy sinatra, dusty springfield, patsy cline, brenda lee, peggy lee, loretta lynn. 40s, 50s & 60s girl groups cuz that's what his mom likes- andrews sisters, mcguire sisters, ronettes, marvelettes, etc. 80s dance - the egyptian lover, pretty tony, debbie deb, newcleus, loose ends, madonna. 90s house and dance - crystal waters, la bouche, lisa stansfield, robin s, real mccoy. other 90s pop - aaliyah, britney, sugar ray, backstreet boys, nsync, aqua, smash mouth ace of base, TLC, destiny's child. a touch of ska with sublime, 311. other random stuff - fatboy slim, louis prima, azalea banks, limp bikit, shaggy, dua lipa (gay), the prodigy. there's so much more honestly but basically anything i like is what eddy likes 😳 he's like the catch all haha.

edd also loves music but i tend to think of stuff that reminds me of him vs. what he would actually listen to. crystal castles to me is edd music because i'm gay and emo but i don't think he'd really listen to them outside of the gothedd au that exists only in my head lmao. things i do think he'd listen to include kraftwerk, aphex twin, boards of canada, daft punk, massive attack, agnes obel, avalanches, burial. most of which he discovers through eddy of course. some outliers might be tool, muse, enya, anita baker (don't ask ok). there's other stuff i'm sure but that's probably enough for now.

ed is harder for me to nail down cuz i see him as mostly a rock/metal fan and even though i grew up listening to it, i've never gone super deep into the genre tbh. his favorite bands are primus and death grips. others would be alice in chains, nirvana, SOAD, melvins, butthole surfers, smashing pumpkins, black sabbath, metallica, rob zombie/white zombie. he might be into other 80s metal, black metal, sludge metal. none of which are anything i listen to so i couldn't tell ya what artists.

BUT other folks have made some great playlists for ed and the eds in general which i'll link here.

@mkorpse13's ed playlist

@mysticbeaver's ed and eddy playlists

@owmylasagna-blog's playlists for all the eds

@fish-bowl-2 has a great playlist for general eene vibes as well

my playlists for all three are here. not super long but i might add to them at some point.

[sammyloomis]

who do u think the until dawn cast listen to ?? because i like to think chris josh and ashley all bonded over aphex twin. it seems like the nerd thing to do

....i fkn saw this and forgot to answer it im SO sorry fghj

ashley - always gotta start with her. i have this kinda cracky headcanon that she listens to insane clown posse and its mostly a joke but Maybe she has 1 or 2 of their songs on her playlist, whos to say? usually tho, she listens to alt/indie stuff, lots of emo bands from her youth and/or stuff like florence and the machine

chris - i feel like chris mainly listens to instrumental music rather than lyrical music. lots of video game soundtracks that he can put on in the background while hes working on stuff or painting figures. but i can also see him listening to some comedy bands/singers, like weird al and tom cardy

josh - hmm.... kinda struggling with josh. i feel like he likes rock guy usually but he'll dabble in pretty much anything. i have a headcanon that he goes to thrift stores and buys unmarked tapes/disks, so i can see him doing similar with cd's he's never seen before just to see if it'll be something he likes

sam - when she says "oh i listen to anything" she means it fghjk as we know, she has a taste for classical, but i can defo see her as the kinda person who takes any song suggestion thrown at her and adds it to her liked songs playlist after 10 seconds of listening and going "sounds good!!". has a Bunch of playlists for every occasion, none of them share any of the same songs, its kinda impressive

matt - idk Why, but i feel like matt likes 80s music. again, idk why im feeling that so strongly but i am. his parents played it a lot when he was growing up cause it was the music They listened to growing up and it just never really left him

jess - pop. pop princess. the poppiest pop princess who ever popped. SPECIFICALLY 00s pop, but she'll take any decade as long as she can dance n groove to it. ALSO i have a headcanon that shes a bit of a metalhead because its funny to imagine her playlist on shuffle and it going between bubblegum pop to unintelligible screaming and guitar and she doesnt even flinch

emily - emily is also tough for me fghj my first reaction is to say pop too, but that doesn't feel right. she doesn't like anything with too fast a bpm, maybe some r&b and soul music, stuff that has slow beats and relaxes her so she can put it on while shes studying or designing and not get stressed tf out

mike - god. i genuinely have no clue. he doesnt strike me as the kinda guy who seeks music out, he just exists and music finds him, usually whatever is on at a party or playing on the radio while he drives

[th3-0bjectivist]

Dear listener, if you’ve never heard of Aphex Twin before, cling fast to your genitals. Because, like a 2500-volt shock straight to the testes, you’re going to find this musical entry quite shocking! Before you smash play on the music video above, I will immediately attempt to dissuade you from viewing if 1. You are the faint-of-heart type 2. You have a medical condition that is triggered by strobe lights. I don’t want you to have a series of elaborate seizures. Go figure; you’re my fuckin’ audience. I don’t want to kill my audience on Tumblr just so it’s clear. At least, not this week. For the rest that remain; if you've never seen an AT video before, the time for your distressing and traumatic cult initiation is NOW. Smash play on the track above; it's Come to Daddy from the 1997 album of the same name.

OMFG… this guy is hot AF. I was personally introduced to AT about two decades ago through one of my stoner friends who went to basement raves to dance with glow sticks. At the time, I really didn’t understand what the hell I was listening to. A lot of it just sounded like disorganized and cobbled-together noises. However, my musical tastes have evolved, and in hindsight, I can fully acknowledge that the music of soloist and Ireland-born Richard David James was simply beyond my comprehensive grasp as a young adult. He is and was a true pioneer in the music industry, having the aptitude and talent to bring a brand-new type of music to bloom in the 90’s, that being IDM (intelligent dance music). IDM, by my understanding, is derivative of breakbeat, techno, and acid house… but pushed to the very edge of experimental extremes. It is dance music (you CAN’T dance to a lot of it unless you want to have spasmodic fits, it’s honestly more proper for exercise/home environment listening) that is custom-tailored for a very discerning and clever audience, and I find that a lot of IDM sounds itself like a living, breathing entity. What AT brought to the table was a uniquely charismatic, versatile, and in some cases downright emotionally impacting experience that I cannot in good conscience declare as useless. It is the polar opposite of generic modern melodies, as AT pushed and continues to push the envelope of modern music to its most illogical boundaries. Probably my favorite feature of AT’s overall sound is the asynchronous beats, which, while not in any way traditionally mathematical or ‘correct’ in timing, is a genuine example of that tonic path that Aphex Twin and IDM as a genre have to offer. AT does whatever others are afraid to try, and the overall discography runs the gamut from shy electronic ambient to full-on head-banging badassery. Enjoy, and there will be far more music to come this year!

If you care to pursue the actual emotional range of AT’s music, click just above for one of the most (if not THE most) emotive ambient tunes I’ve absorbed in my lifetime, Rhubarb from Selected Ambient Works Volume II (1994). And if you’re really, really in the mood to traumatize yourself, click here for one of the most disturbing music videos I’ve seen in my lifetime. I wanna make it clear, IF YOU CLICK ON THE IMMEDIATELY PREVIOUS LINK, I am in no way responsible for the mental damage it does to you as a result. YOU... are by your own free will and accord, willingly clicking on the link. I am merely providing you a path, in fact multiple paths, to explore Aphex Twin’s sound further. Image source: https://testpress.news/na-klassiku-aphex-twin-windowlicker-v-anglii-snyali-sotsialnuyu-reklamu-bezopasnoj-ezdy/

[bargainoriley]

Obscured By Clouds (1972)

1. Obscured by Clouds

The synth intro here is really cool!! Along with the groovy drumbeat. And then the guitars kick in, making the song feel really cool and ominous! I’m already intrigued by this song and how the rest of the album is going to be! I love synths in rock songs, so this already sounds awesome! (Kind of reminds me Who’s Next by the Who, which also used synths extensively.)

2. When You’re In

Oooooo I love the transition here! The guitar riff here is really cool! Along with the keyboard and drums. Feels very epic! I’m already head banging. One of my favorites off this album!

 3. Burning Bridges

Ooooo the intro here is really cool! Especially the keyboard and guitar! And I really like the use of/switch of Rick’s and David’s voices! And then they harmonize beautifully! The guitar solo here is also lovely/very reminiscent of George Harrison’s playing. This feels like a song from the More album, along with the previous songs, but much more well done musically! You can hear they are more experienced here musically!

 4. The Gold It's In The...

Oooh I love the guitar and rock n roll/hard rock vibes here! It feels very groovy! This is exactly the kind of rock I really really like! The guitar solo is great and David’s voice here is as well. One of my personal favorite songs on this album. It has a great melody as well!  Kind of feels like something Led Zeppelin or any other 70s hard rock band would bring out.

 5. Wots Uh... the deal

The acoustic guitar is very lovely! The chorus here is also just really lovely! The melody is divine, and this song just has feel good vibes! Also very relaxing! The lyrics here are also particularly good! The harmonies also really add to the song! And then there’s pretty piano solos as well! Love me some piano solos from Rick!!! And the guitar solo here just adds to the vibes and is also reminiscent of George Harrison. Also one of my personal favorites from this album!

 6. Mudmen

Oooooo the synths here are really good as well as the piano (they really add to a dreamy atmosphere as if you’re in the clouds)! And I love the slow tempo here as well! Very relaxing and intimate feeling. The chord progression here is also so good!! And then we get a beat drop, which makes the song even cooler! Definitely reminds me of something from DSOTM! 

 7. Childhood’s End

The strings intro here is really beautiful and ominous!! And then we get the acoustic and electric guitars and the rest of the instruments! David’s voice is really good here, as is the melody! This song kind of reminds me of Have A Cigar! The improvisations here are also great!

 8. Free Four

The synths combined with the acoustic guitar are cool! I really like the contrast of the happy-sounding instrumental and really dark lyrics! I love deceptively happy songs a lot! Roger’s voice is also great! And then the electric guitar solos hit in the instrumental interludes!!! And make the songs even cooler! One of my personal favorites as well!

 9. Stay

The piano intro is already lovely!! The special effects/wah wah on the guitar are also cool! And Rick’s voice is also really lovely (as always)! The melody here is also so goood (and sounds like Shine On You Crazy Diamond)! The chorus here is especially good! One of my personal favorites as well!

 10. Absolutely Curtains 

Very cool ominous synth/keyboard intro!!! And also really lovely melody! Kind of reminds me of Aphex Twin/Kid A. and also of SOYCD. And then there’s a choir singing! It’s a cool idea, but it sounds really offkey and kind of bad and doesn’t fit with the song that well. 

 

In general, I think this album is pretty weak in comparison to Meddle, but I still liked it! I feel that this is just a much better version of More/did More‘s concepts better and just sounds so much better. There’s also many cool, underrated gems. I would listen to this again! It gives me an autumn vibe, tbh (Atom Heart Mother gives me spring vibes and Meddle Summer vibes, and this album gives me autumn vibes) Next up is the mythical album DSOTM! Since that album just has so much going on lyrically, I’m not going to touch on this album in that aspect since a lot of people already did it better and my thoughts would be way too long (way longer than my echoes thoughts), but I will try to include some lyrical stuff here and there :)

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 24/04/2024

Guardian of the Ride Chasers

Season 4 Episode 1 No Album Release (Read More) Overdrive Ostrich Stage - Mega Man X2

Ripper Unknown

I really don't know what it is, but I woke up earlier this week with Black Parade (MMX Remix) specifically stuck in my head. I guess that's a disadvantage to running this blog - in writing, I tend to listen to the rip in question on repeat to get a good feel of the tone I want to go for, and in the process get tunes stuck in my head (Raft Ride, for instance, has still not left my innermost thoughts ever since The Incident.) But althesame, getting a Mega Man X arrangement rip stuck in my head got me fervently looking for more like it - because really, I think it was just my brain's way of telling me that it misses listening to Mega Man X music. It was through this that I wound up stumbling onto something big, a rip I'd entirely forgotten about and one that's STILL lacking a ripper credit even five years later - Guardian of the Ride Chasers, with no attachment to its origin or its ripper, fucking OWNS.

Mega Man X2 has a pretty different sound to the original Mega Man X in a way that's controversial in a lot of ways, yet the ripper has leveraged those differences to absolutely incredible lengths here. You can TELL that the guitar samples used are different, in some's eyes "whinier" - yet they lend themselves to the dramatic flair of the arranged track ever so well. So then...what is that arranged track? Funny enough, it's a source of music I was only made aware of through a SiIvaGunner project later in the same season - Guardian of the Former Sea, or the theme of the Desert Scourge boss, from the Terraria Calamity Mod. The game is as far away from my area of knowledge as you could come - I've hardly ever even touched the BASEGAME Terraria - but its legendary composer, DM DOKURO, was a name I got very familiar with entirely thanks to SiIvaGunner. Remember the King for Another Day Tournament? Yeah - amidst many other guest arrangers, DM DOKURO lent his incredible skills to a bevvy of arrangements for the event, including one I've covered on here before - September!

And like, that was how I was initially introduced to the Terraria Calamity mod as a whole! I've talked numerous times about how following SiIvaGunner has given me exposure to so many things I wouldn't have checked out otherwise, be it with Aphex Twin Snakes, Plantasia 2, Owner of a Mahjong Board or countless more, but its an entirely new level of cool to discover a composer through their guest contributions on the channel. As I mentioned before, Guardian of the Ride Chasers was already bound to work for me as someone hopelessly attached to the specific sound of the SNES Mega Man X games, but the rip only works as WELL as it does due to DM DOKURO's incredible work with the original track. I love how Mega Man X2's more varied sound in particular compared to the former and latter game resulted in the track being adapted pretty differently, in particular using the particular plink-plonk sounds from Bubble Crab's theme for a lot of the track to give the rip some really nice texture. It can be easy for a banger melody to be lost amidst samey instrumentation, a lot of lower-quality "but in the (blank) soundfont" have shown me just how bad it can really get - but the ripper went above and beyond in making the entire track sound absolutely brilliant in the conversion here.

All in all, Guardian of the Ride Chasers was a two-for-one kind of rip - both being an incredibly cool rip to listen to in its own right, and helping spread DM DOKURO's exceptional work outside of his target audience. Hopefully in making this post, you as the readers will now ALSO be reminded to go check out the other music from the Terraria Calamity Mod, or the other stuff by DM DOKURO in general - this rip is truly only scratching the surface.

[brettdeadly]

Park City by JVNEBVG – Review

The following article was featured in Trap Metal Magazine issue #1 

CHECK IT OUT HERE: https://www.trapmetal.net/tmm1-gizmo/

PARK CITY by @jvnebvg kicks off with a creative intro that throws listeners back to the 90s, with a cassette player’s click setting the tone for the gritty ride ahead. This nostalgic touch feels intentional, signaling to the listener that JVNEBVG is an artist who plays with eras and sounds. By the time Track 2: BONESHAKER rolls in, you’re hit with that raw Trap Metal and Punk Rap fusion, a sound that JVNEBVG delivers effortlessly. It’s aggressive but calculated, pushing that rebellious energy, and some subtle Cyberpunk vibes, though the artist’s branding pulls more from the grunge scene. What really stands out is the blend of genres in this project. Track 3 and 4 are reminiscent of breakbeat and rave, taking cues from the likes of The Prodigy and Aphex Twin, but JVNEBVG keeps things rooted in Punk Rap, giving a futuristic edge to the grimey, bass-heavy beats.

The collaboration on Track 4: I’m Not The One with Ak3k is a definite high point. Ak3k’s feature adds a dynamic layer, and if you’re familiar with his work, you’ll find his voice meshes perfectly with JVNEBVG’s rebellious grit. The next shift happens in Track 5, which pulls back into a hip-hop and rap lane with a feature from Beamon. This switch in tempo and vibe is refreshing, proving that JVNEBVG isn’t one-dimensional. He’s fluid, willing to jump genres while still making the track feel like it fits into the overall project. The title track PARK CITY really encapsulates JVNEBVG’s core sound. It’s the pinnacle of Trap Metal and Scream Rap with layers of harsh vocal texture and heavy instrumentation. Here, JVNEBVG’s voice feels like a weapon, cutting through the beat with purpose. The depth and texture in his vocal delivery are undeniable and are a true testament to his versatility as an artist. Even though Trap Metal can often be associated with chaotic screaming, JVNEBVG brings technique and intentionality to every shout and growl, showing he’s more than just noise—he’s creating something visceral.

After the intensity of PARK CITY, the album takes a breath with an interlude, and the mood shifts into a softer space. The next few tracks offer a more intimate side of JVNEBVG, showcasing that he’s not all about aggression. There’s a vulnerability that comes through, a shift in energy that feels natural, not forced. It’s here you see the creative depth—he’s not just one lane. The album wraps up with DISTORTED, a bass-heavy collaboration with ARSX that brings back the raw, darker edge. The final track feels like a perfect bookend to the project, tying off the chaos with a sense of resolution. There’s no filler here—each song is crafted with purpose and intention. What really shines through is the audio engineering. Every beat, every vocal layer, every distorted sound is meticulously placed. This isn’t a DIY basement tape thrown together for shock value. JVNEBVG is producing art—an experience that feels both polished and raw. You can tell he cares about the sonic quality as much as the message, and it shows throughout.

Overall, PARK CITY is a well-balanced project that blends nostalgia with innovation. JVNEBVG is a diverse, creative force, balancing Trap Metal, Punk Rap, and hip-hop with gritty lyricism and deep introspection. The album delivers something for everyone, from aggressive headbangers to deeper, moodier tracks. Each song stands on its own but contributes to the larger narrative, and his collaborations with Ak3k and ARSX elevate the overall vibe. This is more than just an album—it’s a statement. I give PARK CITY a perfect 10/10. Every track is unique, but the overall vibe feels cohesive, making this a standout project in today’s underground scene. If you’re a fan of Trap Metal, Punk Rap, or even a curious listener looking for something with depth and grit, PARK CITY is worth every second. Be sure to check it out!

#trapmetal

#punkrap

#doomtrap

#undergroundrap

#alternative

[cgtg]

song recs:

Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe

Genghis Khan - Miiike Snow

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit

Fingerbib - Aphex Twin

WIGGLE - Black Dresses

I've been listening to these specifically a LOT recently

going through these one by one heeh

poison - bell biv devoe

mannn i hadnt listened 2 this in ages! i thought i recognised the name but as soon as that drum loop hit it all came back 2 me. fuck i love this song, thank u for reminding me of it

genghis khan - miike snow

already know this one too and yeah its fuckin great. i used to find it kinda annoying but i have come to respect it. for its homoerotic villainitudes

sleepyhead - passion pit

this is one of my fav musicans of all time so i do alrdy know this song as well... this is also 1 of da first songs i heard from PP when i was a kid. hehe... i think my fav is probly mirrored sea? oh shit OR folds in your hands. my god their insturmentals scratch my brain, when this one hits it HITS

fingerbib - aphex twin

i always avoided these guys bc that fuckin face they use on their album art rlly freakz me out, but i cannot argue with bangers... the instrumentals on this are rlly rlly delightful 2 me. i shud suck it up & just listen to em at some point. obsessed with the vibes on this, sounds like rlly good walk music

wiggle - black dresses

ohhh sum bad bitch shit. i rlly like how the singer goes on this. i always rlly appreciate female singers who let their voices get rlly messy and gravelly n stuff... fuckin rules oh shit, actually, ive listened 2 ada rook before. thats a member of black dresses rite? one of her music vids got reccd to me on da 'tube. shes got an interesting style

thank u for da recs 🙂

[an-excess-of-eyes]

anyway whatever. fuck rym. been listening to shit from 2002 recently.

this is a fascinating listen. it is both a full and detailed documentary on the Gulf War (A conflict I feel is never discussed despite it being huge in the US expanding its colonial empire) as well as a strange and unique ambient electronic album. aphex twin is on it. Quite a hard listen conceptually. Feel like its a 1-2 listens type of album, and definitely one that requires full attention. prob a 4/5 largely for the fascinating concept with complex execution.

[omegaremix]

Boy Harsher + Twin Tribes @ Music Hall Of Williamsburg; April 3rd, 2022.

October 2021 would have been one of the busiest months of going to shows ever. The problem was that Ministry postponed their “Industrial” Strength Tour for the third time, and I was too late in getting tickets for Boy Harsher’s Halloween show. It only left me with the Uniform show at Saint Vitus with Body Void and Portrayal Of Guilt on the ticket. It took me six years to cross off seeing Uniform in full off my most-wanted list. Shortly after, Boy Harsher announced new dates to coincide with the release of their new short film The Runner featuring everyone’s favorite Kris Esfandiari (King Woman, Sugar High, NGHTCRWLR, Miserable). Time for redemption.

I snatched up tickets right away and feverishly waited for January 29th. Then a slight hitch in plans: the omicron strain took over and infections went wild once again causing Boy Harsher to move their dates up to April 3rd. That’s too bad. The January date was the sweet spot to have a wintry day out in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the preferred weather to enjoy darkwave and synthwave as it was always intended to be. But I’ll take a postponement over a cancellation any day. It’s better to have an experience than none at all.

I learned that it would be a two-hour train ride home from Penn Station to Deer Park. I wouldn’t have the time as I had work early the next day, so instead, I drove to the Babylon station as the train home would make it’s final stop with no transfer. One hour later of cloudy grayscale skies and nothing-special transit later, I arrive at Penn Station. From there, I took the 1 / 2 / 3 Express and finally transferred to the L line to Wythe Av. and North 7th Street. A few blocks away and here I am at The Music Hall Of Williamsburg, my first-ever visit there.

The venue’s site said “doors open at 7PM” but their app- said “8PM”. Fearing arriving late, I hoped for eight. I did get there at 7:30PM and asked the strongarm at the door checking i.d. when they did open. “Doors opened at 7PM but you came just in time. Just in time” as he said with confidence. Judging by his relaxed demeanor, I took his word for it and he was right. Once I walked in, there were a few spots right at the front rail ready for the taking, and I did. Mid-right in front of the speakers. The night was already off to an adrenaline-pumping start. Who is that?! Andi Harriman was dee-jaying on the wheels of steel spinning all sorts of seriously intense and exhilarent synthwave. I never heard anything like it. She’s reached far for some synthwave sounds I never heard of; further than I’ve reached so far because I’m somewhat freshly new to it. I was hooked on what she played and wanted to find what her setlist was, if any.

Twin Tribes opened up for this short Sunday night roster. Had my original date’s tickets transferred to the Friday show, I would’ve ended up seeing Aurat open instead. How amazing would that have been?! But Twin Tribes was an act I wasn’t familiar with but their sound was. I had some experience listening to goth rock in the vein of Adrenochrome, Otzi, and Kurraka, but the Twin Tribes duo took the route of Eighties goth rock built on melodic guitars, hot synthesizers, frighteningly-good vocals and tense upbeat energy. They were a great compliment on a bill that catered to the all-things-industrial and goth subculture, which to me was the culture in Greenpoint.

After Twin Tribes departed for the night, we were once again treated to Andi Harriman’s so-fucking-good dee-jay set. By then the crowd started to pack in tightly on all sides, the balcony, and in general admission. I was still up front and there wasn’t much open space for me to look around to see who was wearing what. I will say that one of the Music Hall crew sported an Aphex Twin hoodie and another one repped Soundgarden, which were great. I look to my left and someone was proudly wearing his FKA Twigs tee. I came in wearing my Rough Trade NYC shirt with my beige hoodie being it was in the nippy high 40’s. That’s your obligatory Ω+ live-show fashion round-up as always.

Twenty minutes of painful waiting, Augustus Muller finally takes the stage. His other half Jae Matthews joins him and Boy Harsher is all ready to go for their set. The fanfare all around the music hall were loud and going wild. Here’s a synthwave duo that’s been currently heralded as one of the flagship outfits of the genre with almost no detractors to be found. They opened up their set with “The Ride Home” and segued into “Give Me A Reason”, a leading track from their new album and motion picture soundtrack The Runner that’s been heavily exposed. They had plenty of cards up their sleeve and reached back to their Yr Body Is Nothing era with “Morphine”. I was still only mere inches from The Music Hall’s- system so I could hear every note thump, vibration, and punch through the speakers as any synthwave / EBM artist should. Right after they finished their cover of Chris Isaac’s “Wicked Game” did they unleash the highly-exhilarating and manic “Come Closer” and made the audience get into a seriously rabid frenzy.

Muller and Matthews controlled the show when they brought it down to a suspenseful mood with The Runner‘s opening track “Tower” and continued on with more wavy, lucid sounds in “Escape” and “Country Girl”. The duo kept going into their Carefularsenal with “Tears” and “LA”; the former which delivered such elasticity and one of the main reasons why Boy Harsher’s fanfare has always been on fire, as they always found and utilized classic synthpop and synthwave elements to everyone’s liking. All the while Jae Matthews exuded a constant sensuality with not only her on-stage presence but also her sultry vocals that paired with their always-sweltering sounds. Augustus Muller always kept to himself behind the keyboards and hitting the beats new-wave style. Forty-five minutes later, Boy Harsher called it night. Or did they?

The Music Hall didn’t switch on their overheads when they both left the stage. That was an easy tell for at least an encore and they delivered on that. “Autonomy” was the final track from The Runner they played and they brought out guest vocalist Cooper B. Handy for it. It was the first album of theirs to feature guest vocalists entirely other than Jae Matthews (the other “Machina” featured BOAN and Mariana Saldana but they weren’t present). There’s always a sense of love and this cute little admiration of their fellow artists and friends when they feature them on-stage, in their videos, projects, and even on their social media posts, as if they’re the special highlight of the day. After “Autonomy was over, Cooper waves good-bye to the crowd. Boy Harsher retires the night and the show’s over. Or was it?

Boy Harsher walked off and hid backstage like they did before. The overheads once again didn’t turn on. You could hear the audience now begging for that one song. That one song. The one that put the duo on the map and won them their recognition. Five more minutes later, they returned on-stage and gave them what the audience so badly wanted: “Pain”. It was the only way to cap off a three-night stay in The Music Hall- and we wouldn’t have let them leave New York City without playing it. No fucking way.

The overheads finally turned on and we all exited out. I brought a Benjamin with me in the event that Jae and Augustus manned the merch- tables. They didn’t. I took a small glimpse of what tapes and shirts they were selling, but time was tight in catching the train back home. I didn’t want to chance it and let it be, but not before I saw a short, pale, curly-haired dominatrix-type making her way to the bar in leather gloves, boots, fish nets, and a tight shiny PVC unitard that hiked up her ass and disappeared. Comes with the industrial / synthwave territory.

It was an astonishing night and I expected it to turn out that way. Boy Harsher and Twin Tribes put on an amazing show and was worth the wait. I left The Music Hall Of Williamsburg with my quotient up and completed a must-do rite of passage. I scrambled through the quiet well-lit streets long enough to get lost (as expected) and took the L and 1 / 2 / 3 line back to Penn Station where I missed the 12:15AM train by three minutes. The painstaking one-hour wait for the 1:15AM Babylon ride was spent getting a four-dollar Toblerone and dodging the panhandlers who scoped out the slightest eye-contact. I finally hop on heading east, arriving at Jamaica to transfer to the line home on a double-decker car, pondering how I would deal with only six hours of sleep before the next day’s shift at work.