#listen i know this is pretty standard
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Finally listened to Dylan Mulvaney's song and?? I don't get the negative hype about it, it was frankly a cute song. Also the "playin' catch-up 'cause we missed the pre-game" made me laugh, it was a good line. Dylan, you've done it again!
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#it just sounds like... a normal pop song. the only problem is the auto tune. i'm not against auto tune but whoever mixed it...#...did not make it seamless. i'm bad at recognizing auto tune but i could hear it#the thing that sucks is auto tune is now like... industry standard but nobody who is responsible for doing it seems to do it right#to me it's justa cute song about learning to appreciate and admire life and the women who helped. like it's pretty normal#i don't even follow dylan i just think she's. a relatively normal person as far as being a former theater kid can get you#if you were in theater or band your normal rating goes down at *least* a tier level. often more than one. ask me how i know.#anyway. listen to the song i think it's cute as hell. i'm always a sucker for songs about appreciation and gratitude
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man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.
you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.
and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.
you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,
I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3
#toy txt post#i wasnt gonna end this on that silly note. but then i had to#ugly#pretty#beauty standards#not saying its easy. not saying you have to do this#but like if youre tired of feeling insecure about your face your fashion. you gotta just figure out what you like and lean in#and you gotra recognize this shit is made up and subjective and arbitrary and you shouldnt be doing it for anyone else ever#i used to be insecure about a few features of mine that i feared made me Ugly. and then i Decided to try to find it pretty.#it sounds so stupid and made up but like literally i just. Decided. im pretty now. this is pretty. this shit is made up. why am i listening#to you. you dont know shit. im pretty now. AND THEN i decided. actually. im ugly on purpose now but not in a way that has much to do with#my actual appearance so much as my complete disregard for your opinion on my appearance. you gotta do it for you. you gotta dress for#yourself#ANYWAY#before anyone comes in with how beauty standards are often externally enforced via peer and social pressure:#yea bud im a human being on planet earth. im aware. thats why i said: as much as you are able. i recognize i have a number of privileges in#this regard that not everyone does. the way im given more space and freedom to dress like a little freak as a thin white person etc#but like i still had and have societal pressure to shave my legs and underarms to conform. theres societal and peer pressure to wear makeup#and i just. dont. the legs thing is less noticeable tho ill admit cos i also Hate Shorts but thats a whole complicated can of worms#which also involves i am not exposing myself to ticks like that are u insane#anyway. yea. the other magical thing about this philosophy of mine is that you also just dont have to. like you can just Ignore Me.#you can keep doing what youre doing and thats fine too#but genuinely if you struggle with insecurity about appearance you gotta just. this is the fake it til u make it shit#i decided im pretty now and it got easier to take selfies bc i was pretty then#doing art and exploring different faces for ocs and making them look different from the conventional beauty standards. also helped#and like dont get me wrong theres still shit im vain about appearance wise that doesnt matter. i still like to style my hair before i leave#the house etc. im still looking in the cave sometimes#but perhaps one day i will be as blissfully uncaring about ppls perception of me as a fuckin goby#anyway. anyway anyway anyway#if you do this things get so much easier. but you dont have to. i have no power over you
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does anyone have any good places to get walking canes? looking for like. selections beyond Standard Boring Cane that have cool colors or designs that also aren't super expensive
my mom is actually letting me get a cane which is good!! id rather have that than nothing!! but she doesnt want to get me "an old lady cane" and i also just want to get like. one with a dragon on it or something
i have no idea where to even start looking for them and how to find a good reliable source that isnt either decorative or from some sketchy company that will snap in half
#disability#mobility aids#actually disabled#chronic pain#cane user#she wont get me just a standard one from the drug store. like. i told her i do not care#what other people think of me but. oh well at least i have an excuse to look for a cool dragon cane#also even if i cant find a cool design as long as i can diy decorate it its fine#i like my things to be excessively fancy and pretty so if anyone knows tips on how to decorate canes#i am listening intently
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how it feels living in a world where i don't feel the continual need to find dissatisfaction with things i enjoy...........
#also how it feels being patient and knowing that any actual play show is a ton of work doubly so if it's an independent#one & understanding i'm not owed anything by artists....................#SORRY. god if i ignite disk horse again via this i'll do something drastic. feel free 2 send me anons asking me to elucidate my opinions#and or whatever judgements u think im making id love 2 yap LMFAO#anyway. i guess is some things are in fact pretty standard across the board and nothing is like a uniquely specific phenomenon.... many#such cases..........#txt#anyway. catkiss.gif. please understand that i have zero skin in this game i love u go listen to slow burning lights by blue sky black death#<333
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Favorite Ship / Supernova
(disclaimer: i hc eris morn with they/them pronouns)
Lately, things have been calm and she got her paperwork for the day done sooner than usual, so with the free time Ikora decided it would be nice to have a spontaneous date. She sends a message to Eris, hoping they aren’t busy at the moment. At least, far as she knew there shouldn’t be anything taking up their time. After a few moments Ikora smiles when her screen lights up with a response.
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It’s a cool, clear night where you’d swear you could see every star in the galaxy that wasn’t eclipsed by the moonlight. A sight like this wasn’t possible in the last city, and seldom did Ikora get the chance to venture out of it. Duty was a chain and it kept her not too far from the city, but in the rare chances she had the opportunity she wanted to take advantage.
Setting down a blanket on the side of a hill, Ikora places two comfortable, large pillows she had against the incline. Eris patiently stood by, their form illuminated by the light of the moon as they looked up to the sky. She wondered how much hive eyes could pick up on the distant pin-pricks of light, having been told they weren't the same as human ones. If you compared it to human vision, technically you could say they were blind.
Nonetheless, they mentioned their way of “seeing” just works differently now. They still had a sense of their surroundings, even knew the distance between themselves and the moon. An odd thing to be precognitive of but they chalked it up to it being the birthplace of their transformation, when Eris became kin to the very enemy they sought the end of.
How things have changed. Outside of that Eris had a sensitivity to paracausality which gave her a refined sense of other guardians as well as the shape of their light, despite being without. Strange changes, but not without some benefits. Ikora reaches over to gently bump her hand against theirs to catch Eris’ attention without startling them. As if much could startle them anymore.
“Finished?” Eris asks as they turn to look at Ikora who nods, the pair’s hands linking together as they settle onto the cozy patch. They lean back, side by side with hands still intertwined and multiple points of contact between their bodies. Silence hung in the air for a short time as they enjoyed the view, until Ikora broke it with a question. One she had long wondered about since Eris’ ascent from the Hellmouth.
“Do you miss it?” She softly questions, gently squeezes Eris’ hand with her thumb rubbing against the length of theirs. “Miss what?” They reply after a short second. “The light. What you were, before-” Ikora stops herself choosing not to say the rest.
A contemplative pause, “It doesn’t matter now, does it? It happened. All I can do is move forward in spite of it.” That solemn answer cuts straight through Ikora’s question with a knife’s edge. She turns her head toward Eris who continues, “Nothing good comes from dwelling on what’s missing.” and then a little quieter. “Do you wish I was unchanged?”
Ikora frowns and quickly sits up, turning her whole body towards them. “I only wish for you to return from the things you hunt every time, safe and sound.” Eris gazes at her as she leans over to rest a hand against their cheek. “It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re still here.” She gives Eris an affectionate smile.
Eris’ own lips quirk up as they sit up as well, faces hovering inches apart before they make the first move to kiss Ikora. It lasts mere seconds as they slowly break apart but still close enough to feel each other’s breath. “In my darkest, loneliest moments, I miss the presence of your light over mine.”
To think, after everything that’s happened including losing the light, Eris would rather have Ikora leaves her feeling a certain way. She feels the void open its empty maw in her chest, wanting to devour her heart over the proclamation. “Do you?” Ikora breathes out, letting the void energy trickle through her fingertips against Eris’ cheek.
Eris’ shivers a little from the sensation as they turn their face more into her hand, the ever present dark tears dissipate against Ikora’s radiant light. “I do.” Almost reluctantly, they retreat from the physical contact to look Ikora full on when they ask, “Show me your light.”
It comes out not as a question but like a lover’s request for their partner to share their body. And traveler save her, she finds herself bending easily to it. Usually Ikora wasn’t for unnecessary displays of her light, but she couldn’t resist Eris. So she adjusts into a kneeled position and brings her hands to hover in front of her mid-air.
Fluorescent violet light begins to form in a small, concentrated ball between her hands, steadily growing in size and luminescence. Ikora envisions in her mind pouring the void into a container, particles being shifted in an even circular motion that continues to slowly get bigger.
It’s the size of a kick ball when she decides to stand up, purple light shining its hue across the two of them. Eris watches the nova bomb increase further and further until Ikora has to lift it over her head and release it up toward the sky, flying up and up to a seemingly impossible height until it explodes like a collapsing star.
Like a firework streaks of void shoot outward from the center and leave glittering trails of void as the bolts try and fail to find a target, thus bursting into smaller showers of purple that sparkle amongst the starry sky. An imprint of the void lingers like the burn of an afterimage from a too bright light.
“Beautiful.” Eris says in appreciation. Ikora sits back down with them as they reach out to grab her hand and trace it, making her shiver in return. She pulls their hand up to her mouth and kisses the knuckles of it, huffing a short laugh. “I’m glad you can still find beauty in the light.”
#ikoraweek2024#ikora rey#destiny 2#prompt is favorite ship? oh baby you know what time it is with me#listen i know that just watching someone lob a nova bomb doesn't sound exciting#its less about the what and more about the who. watching someone else perform a mundane task vs watching someone you love#finding beauty and awe for the little things because its not just about liking what they're best at but anything they do#also its because half the time i'm in raids or some other activity and i have a charged nova but we have to stop or wipe#i love to just lob that thing up and watch it explode. everyone else: arguing over best super due to utility/damage#me: nova bomb cataclysm because it big pretty purple explosion#anyway. i like to hc eris is technically blind by human standards but hive and paracausal sense ability wise#she's more aware than someone with 20/20 vision. and i like the idea that guardians can be discerned by their#own individual light or even darkness capabilities. does it make sense? maybe not.#did this fic feel ooc as i wrote it and is it? maybe but idc. i want love and appreciation of your partner#just for their simplest most mundane things. not just for the exemplary things they do#and these 2 deserve to have more moments not being entirely closed off/focused on what's happening. a moment of vulnerability#void.txt#void.write
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guyes
#trying to get more intentional with my body types and getting used to a bit different proportions than my standard Vague Blocky#so my artstyle might jump around for a bit before i re-settle into something i like#but here's some attempts I think get it across pretty close to what I'm aiming for!!#rough#fanart#undertale#grillby#gaster#traditional art#i'm so. so tired. i don't know if I missed any tags I hope I didn't#more action-y poses than my usual bcs I was listening to high-energy music i think.#also like. it's less boring than just hem standing around like that#and practices another thing I need to do. win-win
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okay okay okay so i just finished the terror and i think i'm insane
#okay alright so here's the thing#i've never really seen a tragedy through to its endpoint. that is what this is.#however. ohhh my god i need to do another rewatch Right Now so i can listen to the music#i noticed something right at the beginning but i think there might be something to analyze in how western tonality breaks down throughout i#so like. it's set in the mid 1800s. we've got some pretty solid era of western tonality happening. and i can't help but wonder#if the show descends into the brutality of the arctic. does the music foreshadow or parallel this#bc there's some jaunty tune in ep 1 and music like that just Vanishes pretty immediately thereafter.#and the last shot has the most haunting sustained pitches with really really dissonant overtones.#and ends unresolved. in a way that pieces from the 1800s standard canon don't.... really do. and i just. augh. hm. how does the music work#i must know and i must know Now#the terror#so sorry y'all i'm just stuck like this you're in for the long haul
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hey everyone it’s me again. i know i’ve deleted + reuplaoded this same pic like a billion times but since im trying my hand at (hunger games!!) pixel grid crochet again i figured that i should upload this as a progress marker, so i present to you: my (semi-failed) mockingjay tote bag (ft my ugly floor pls don’t judge xoxo!)
#is it perfect? no#is it pretty good (for my standards) for my first attempt? i think so#like it’s def bird shaped so that’s a win#if i were to do it again id wanna make the circles the same length#and make the point of the beak aligned w the beak itself#but lucky for me i’m never attempting this bag again#i still have the grid though i was so worried about losing it i’ve favorited it in my cam roll#shoutout to canva though i didn’t know stitch fiddle existed so i put a piece of paper over the computer and traced the grid there#and then put stars over where i needed the color changes to be#like i was fucking five#hopefully stitch fiddle will be my savior bc the design i want is LENGTHY#anyway rant over thank u for listening#crochet adventures#also omg floor reveal
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well, i can confidently say that "explaining bottom growth vs bottom surgery to my cisgender coworker" was not how i thought i was going to be spending this morning
#ace rambles#at first she was just asking what the situation was with my testosterone#bc she was there when i had that catastrophic meltdown at work over it being delayed#and then the conversation shifted into some questions she had about my experience#and then she very awkwardly asked if testosterone grows ''that part'' (complete with hand gesture) or if that needs surgery#she's very lucky that we're acquaintances and also alone in the cooler#because that would have been an IMMEDIATE conversation ender otherwise#but i sort of know her and i know she's just ignorant and i do like answering good faith questions so i was willing to let it slide#i did explain to her the difference in simplified clinical terms to the best of my ability#we honestly had a pretty good conversation about transition in general tbh#she holds some pretty bog standard ''well meaning but ignorant cis person'' stances#but was clearly listening when i explained some of the nuance of it
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I had this one leftover orange image that didn’t really vibe with the rest of the set; the more oblique, hard-silhouetted lines were just more satisfying when shown alongside the rest of that mix — and this one is more unreal-feeling than the rest, as if cooked until slightly radioactive. another user pointed out in their tags that the prev set reminded them of Blur’s self titled record. I’m biased here, but I’m inclined to agree. album art warm af; also I’m a big fan of haunted organ music - and Blur never ceases to deliver in that regard, as long as you disregard their entire discography aside from the singular track above
#and while this may not be true everywhere:#the piss-vision aesthetic didn’t really catch on until a decade later whenever america starting hanging out in the middle east#and our film/television adopted an all-too-yellow color grade to imply “foreign atmosphere” when captitalizing on the spectacle of war#so this album art is pretty cutting edge by 1997s standards; is blur a psyop project created by the cia? more likely than you think#i’m bullshitting btw - I wanted an excuse to say ‘piss-vision’ and talk about how ugly and unappealing american entertainment was in 2009#and hopefully giving you something that’s long enough to read while the song plays out#I know some of ya’ll adhd-havers be losing interest after 15 seconds of unfamiliar and slightly off-putting music#and if I chickened out of every weird song I’d ever hated the first 15 seconds of - I would be a fundamentally different person rn#listen to weird music. it’ll change your life. and make you gayer also#also look at weird art. it’ll bother you on sleepless nights.#my art#music#blur#Spotify
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"this is just gonna be short, shorter than the last one" I said
"it was SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT" I scream, descending into madness as I'm still not done but want this done by Tuesday
#tbh i'm not sure what people consider long for a one-shot but by my standards this is LONG and i swear it wasn't supposed to be#the funny thing is that this is pretty much just fluff lol HOW DID THIS HAPPEN#really coming down to the wire on this one#i mean... the “”deadline“” is completely self-imposed at this point lol but#still would like to finish it by then regardless#LISTEN brevity is not my strong point#and anyone who has seen my long rambling tags knows that's the truth#well after i do a little splatoon guess i'll see how much more i can get done tonight#h.text
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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anyway i may or may not be about to become Supremely annoying again
#nothings technically wrong but. something something the horrors or whatever.#piktalk#starting t not be able t tell which voices i should listen to and which i shouldnt#n like. im pretty sure those standards are wholly incorrect to begin with but like at least theyre Standards#iam being backseated So hard and its deeply frustrating. bc its like. ugh. again.#Be Honest About Yourself but if you do its a character flaw and if you dont its a character flaw.#Its Unkind To Compare Suffering but also I Specifically dont count Because I Said So#i cannot express this enough. girlies i can feel bad abt things that are so People Dont Think About#and its crazy going 'i shouldnt do this' but like how do i KNOW that.... what if im just Lying.....#getting a bad grade in authenticity (<- reasonable to fear possible to achieve)
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am now in the ‘post-amazing series’ phase where I want to read something new but my standards are temporarily incredibly high, so I need to read something really good but I have no idea what that will be
#trying to dampen the pain of being done w the scholomance by listening to the audiobooks#which are pretty amazing and I am def going to finish but also I'm going on a trip next week and want something to physically read#this is also challenging bc of course I have so many books I could read#but I'll need to narrow down which ones I want to bring on the trip#without really knowing what I'm in the mood for??#initially the vibe for the trip was going to be queer romance bc I have several on my TBR list#(and it's slow going on those during the school year bc I can't read them at work)#but now I'm like - actually maybe I want to read a classic?#so I checked out an isabel allende book IN SPANISH and 'how the garcia girls lost their accents'#tl;dr book suggestions welcome but they need to be GOOD#(have ignored all the suggestions my coworkers gave me bc I don't trust their quality standards)
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selecting keven r. free to voice the murderbot audiobooks is a FASCINATING choice. deeply enchanted.
#especially considering i know him primarily from his role where he played an extremely chipper corporate sell-out#though not required listening is reallys colors my perception of his performance even as he plays someone a bit more solemn. which adds a#lot of interesting shades! i really dig it.#that said i think it would have a slightly higher voice. i hc its pretty neutral in terms of appearance and voice and blah blah blah#but its voice tends to skew more 'feminine' and its appearance more 'masculine' due to societal standards.
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Listen not to be dramatic but I went to war for the Shadowhunter Chronicles like when I was in middle school and my friends were like are those the books with the incest plot? And my dumb ass was always like tHeY’Re NoT AcTuaL SiBLiNGs
To this day people are like oh you like Cassandra Clare?? The pseudo incest demon hunter books?? And my GROWN LEGAL ADULT ASS THAT HAS BEEN READING THESE BOOKS SINCE I WAS 11 HAS TO BE LIKE……. yeah… 😔 the cross I bear 😔😔😔
#tsc#and now there’s an actual end in sight like I literally never thought I’d see the day#finishing out the Eldest Curses and then the Wicked Powers and then that’s just… it#when all is said and done we’ll have almost thirty books and almost twenty years…#holy shit#listen I know Cassandra Clare is just a person and I can’t let me expectations get too high#but Kit and Ty better have the love story of the actual century#my standards are pretty low though lmao she’d have to jump the shark pretty bad for me to not be all over any Shadowhunter stuff she does#Cassandra Clare says Shadowhunters and I go CRAZY#this hiatus is gonna kill me#I’ll be in my mid twenties still stanning the same YA books I discovered in fifth grade#had a FAT breakdown when I finished Chain of Thorns cuz like… so much has changed since I first picked up Clockwork Angel#yes I read that one first#just… WOW#I’m such a silly little gay bastard#I put so much emotional stock in stories and art and little made up people they are everything to me#chain of thorns#chot
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