#listen i actually finished an old wip let me have this

[lotusmesenpai]

In celebration of Duviri Paradox and lesbian visiblity week overlapping (and hopefully the return of the puffy jacket, now in drifter size!), I present to you: a dumb wip I actually got back to and finished (ish).

[honeycloudz]

Perfect Storm | Chapter Three: Trapped with Truth and Dare

Content Warnings: MDNI, Mentions of blood on Sanzu (not his), Mentions of a gun, Sanzu teasing but hes also an ass, being stuck in an elevator, Smidge of angst if you squint, Sanzu is a menace while playing truth or dare, Ran teases too, Emotionally Constipated Jealous Sanzu, Fem!Reader has very brief wet dream (I promise Ill do actual smut soon), Mating press

Back to- Perfect Storm Chapters Next- Chapter Four: WIP

Today had been an unusually boring day without the normal banter of your coworkers as well as the strange quietness of not having Sanzu around. The Haitani’s and him had gone on a mission with Takeomi, leaving you with the usually quiet Mikey who shooed you away to your office to get paperwork done, just as Mochi and Kokonoi were doing in their own respective spaces. Bored, you sigh, walking to your office ready but dejected for the long day of paperwork ahead of you.  You stare at the clock ticking hung above your door, counting down the seconds before you can go home after long exhausting hours of signing documents and crime. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the clock strikes midnight as you let out a silent cheer and pack your belongings into your purse to then make your way to the rickety old elevator. You press the button that lights up beneath your finger and hum contently, excited for your plan to sit back on your comfortable couch and catch up on your favorite show. When the elevator opens, you step into it, continuously pressing the button to the first floor (as if it were to make the doors close faster) and just as they were about to shut- a hand suddenly makes its way between them- startling you. Your hands quickly make their way to your purse, where your gun is resting, on instinct. 

You curse under your breath in anger when Sanzu steps foot in the elevator, dress shirt covered in blood which you knew wasn't his own. Noticing your shift in attitude, he smiles smugly, and to your dismay speaks. “What? Didn’t miss me today princess?” he voices sarcastically. He watches you closely, trying to get a rise out of you. “Yeah, of course, just as much as my gun misses your big ass forehead. All that room up there and still not enough to make one coherent, well adjusted thought.”, you hissed back just as sarcastically, ready for the interaction to end as the elevator slowly descended. “My forehead isn't big” he grunted, turning away from you, picking and choosing what hears as per usual. “Is too” you spat back at him. As he was about to retort back, the elevator shook aggressively and grinded to a halt. “W-what is happening” you questioned out loud in fear to no one in particular. When suddenly the red emergency lights glowed and the audio system boomed with Rindou’s voice, answering you. “Hey uh, i know we would all love to end this night peacefully but unfortunately for you both, you'll be stuck in here for the next hour”- panic set in as you realized you'd be stuck with Sanzu alone - “please don't kill each other in there, we are all working to fix it (you hear slight snickering in the background, probably Ran laughing at your current predicament) dont worry itll be okay in no time”. Rindou finishes, sounding uncertain, not helping your current crisis. “Fuck” you curse out loud, hope dimming quickly. He turns to you, annoyance on his face. “Really?”. He exhales out of frustration, “Well, we are here together whether you like it or not, what do you wanna do to pass the time while they work to free me from hell?” You look at him, anger and shock written all over your face, “Free you from hell!? Go fuck yourself, and go to that corner, dont even breath near me asshole.” You reply and take a seat in the corner, opposite to his. He (surprisingly) listens and takes a seat away from you, “Pff, whatever, take that stick out your ass, I'd like to make it known I don't wanna be here either.” he huffs out. Choosing to ignore his comment, only a few minutes pass in silence, and to your dismay he starts repeatedly tapping the wall with his fingers in a rhythm, the sound getting on your already worked up nerves. “Oh my gosh, ok we’ll pass the time with whatever but you have to stop with that shit”, you glare at him. He laughs back in response, stopping his finger drumming. “Hmm..” Sanzu pauses to think before turning to you and declaring, “Lets play truth or dare”. You look at him, surprised by the childish remark when you notice the mischievous glint in his eyes. After a few seconds of thinking it over you respond, “Sure, but I start”. He nods, giving you the go-ahead. “Truth or dare?” you question, his answer being ‘truth’. With another short pause of thinking you ask him, “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” and for a second you swear you see a look of hurt on him, before its masked with the smug smile he returns quickly, and you feel guilt for some reason. He looks away from you for a moment before whispering “my scars” quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. You frown and look away, thinking when he breaks you out of your thoughts, questioning “Truth or dare?” to change the subject. “Uh.. dare” you boldly decide, quickly regretting it when he dares you to lick the floor. “Yeah I'm not doing that.” you say, unimpressed. “Fine, then it has to be truth!” he retorts. “Well there isnt many dares we can do in here anyway, so lets just keep asking truths”. You respond. And for the first time probably ever, you both agree on something.

“You ever fuck anyone that works here?” Doing a double take and staring at him in shock he only looks back, completely serious. Exhaling you answer, “Good God, and no.” You look over at him and he almost seems relieved? Knowing it's your turn, you ask him something almost equally as strange, “Have you ever practiced kissing in a mirror?” He looks at you weird, then laughs and you feel a small smile making its way to your face. “What? Thats so weird, why do you ask?” he runs his hands through his tuft of pink hair giggling at you. “I don't know, its a very you thing to do, and you didn't answer!” you defend yourself playfully. A few seconds of silence and him looking away is all the answer you need. He continues to look away before he hears you trying not to let a sound out, when he faces you he notices the wide smile on your face, that you tried to hide with a hand clasped tightly around your mouth, clearly you couldn't control it when he hears your laughter. And although its at his expense, he would usually respond with something mean, yet, for a moment Sanzu forgets he hates you. “Yeah whatever, laugh all you want, I was a teenager and now I can get the real thing and more, whenever I please.” He defends himself while you swipe the unshed tears from your eyes, calming down. 

Trying to change the subject, he questions, “If you had to pick someone from our team to fuck, who would it be?” Sanzu continues to ask out of pocket questions to try and embarrass you. Your face heats and your stomach drops and for a moment you think of him, on top of you and you decide to throw the thought of your head permanently. You look away, trying to think and all the comes up are filthy thoughts of him. “Ch-change the question.” You cough out. He leans in, “Nah I think I wanna hear your answer, princess”. He directs his complete attention on you, stare unwavering. A few seconds pass before you whisper “Ran”. For a reason unknown to him, Sanzu feels angry. Not at you for a change, but at Ran as if it were his fault. He masks his irritation by asking “Why him, of all people?” Quickly you respond “He was the first that came to mind” you lied, when suddenly the loud audio system answers, this time by Ran himself.

“Really? I'm honored sweetheart.” He giggles out to your complete shock and horror. “YOU CAN HEAR US?!” you question.

“Yeah, I'm surprised Sanzu didn't tell you.” You turn back at him with betrayal in your eyes and he only shrugs. God what an asshole, and to think you were starting to enjoy yourself even a little bit around him.

“I would've never answered that if I had known they can hear us! I don't wanna play anymore” you huff and cross your arms. “Aww the fun was just starting” Ran teases you, earning a quick shut up.

Sanzu decides to call it quits too, your answer the only thing replaying in his mind. You both stay silent for the duration of the period. Thankfully, before you fall asleep, a tired sounding Kokonoi announces that the elevator will work in the next minute. You stand, stretching and yawning, ready to get home when you notice the grumpy look on Sanzu’s face.

He stands too, and when the elevator dings and the doors open, he shoves past you walking- almost stomping away. You recollect yourself from the powerful push and make your way to your car. The only thoughts on your mind being him and his stupid face, his stupid smile, his stupid laugh too. You replay the soft look on his face in your brief moments of getting along, the thought being soured when you remember how he pushed you.

Exhausted, you finally get home, kicking off your heels somewhere random, not even bothering to undress you hop in bed quick to crash out.

Even in dream land he wouldn't leave you, your sleeping mind conjuring up the vulgar images of Sanzu groaning from on top of you, grabbing the under part of your legs that were wrapped around his torso, to put your knees to your shoulders, effectively trapping you in a once again, this time in a mating press, before he leans in and whispers “Cum for me, pretty girl”, while speeding up and deepening his thrusts, the filthiest grunts and praises leaving his pretty lips. Moans and whimpers leaving your own. “Hngh- Hah, I love those sounds, make more princess.”

A/N: omg? me updating so soon? once in a LIFE TIME, im sorry i think this chapter kinda sucks, forgive me </3, anyway some of you were wondering how my nipple piercing went, and it went fantastic! I really love them and im glad it went well lmao, anyway PLEASEEE send me requests, it can be smut or anything!! holy shit i forgot about the taglist too im just remembering, ill bring it back for next chapter <33 Love you guys, thank you for the support and reading!

[lovelywriting666]

Strawberry Cream Cheese

Pairing(s): Sam Winchester x little sister!reader, Dean Winchester x little sister!reader, lil cameo of Claire Novak x reader (platonic)

synopsis: A day in the bunker with the boys

a/n: Girly reader, younger but like teenager age, takes place in no specific season, but like they all have up to date phones and stuff like that. Also this is a WIP and not proof read at all lolz <3

warnings: None

Hope you enjoy! :D

You were laying in bed listening to music, like classic lady gaga, Government Hooker, Americano, and Judas, while scrolling on your phone when you hear a knock on your door.

"Yeah?" You ask which is an invitation for the person on the other side of the door, presumably your brother, to open it. To no one's shock or surprise it's Dean.

"Hey kid, Sam's making breakfast do you want any?" He asks, his voice still laced with sleep, he probably just woke up.

You fell into the habit of getting up when Sam did so you could get ready for school, Sam was your personal alarm clock on school days and Dean was your personal chauffeur because Dean never trusted those school buses. But that's beside the point, you were used to waking up at the crack of dawn so you've been up for a while.

"Yeah, uh, just a begal and strawberry cream cheese" You respond as you pull yourself out of bed and stretch a bit.

Dean nods, "Alright kid, also change that music put on some good shit not this-" you cut Dean off with "Whatever old man" and Dean lets out and airy laugh and closes the door probably heading back to the kitchen where Sam was.

...

Once you put on something for the day you pause your music. Slide your phone into one of your pockets and head out into the hallway and to the kitchen. Sam was over the stove probably cooking eggs for himself and Dean, the toaster on and Dean with his head in the fridge.

You walk over to the kitchen table and sit down, you leg your legs across the bench and pull out your phone and you get a text from Claire.

Claire : Morning, going on a hunt, just wanted to let you know

You : Good Morning, have fun on the hunt!

Claire : Will do nerd

You : Knuckle Head

A plate clatters onto the table and you put your phone away and its your toasted bagel that Sam places in front of you and Dean sits across from you putting two plates down, one in front of him and one next to him. You gran the strawberry cream cheese container and open to find no cream cheese and you frown.

"What's wrong Bami?" Sam says kinda jokingly, it's the nickname Crowley gave you when you first met him with the brothers, it wasn't your proudest moment because you tripped in front of him, hence the nickname.

"We're out of Strawberry cream cheese" You say with a small huff and take a bite of your dry but good bagel.

"Damn, I think that calls for a food restock" Sam says, Dean and I agree.

Sam gets up from the table and grabs a notepad and pen from the junk drawer and walks back over to the table and sits down. He tosses me the notepad and pen, I scribble down food we need and other stuff while I eat. Once I think it's good I click the pen closed and Dean grabs the notepad off of the table and I continue eating.

"Nope, not buying *snack food* for you again" Dean said looking at the list.

"That was one time Dean! Plus you put it in the back of the cabinets, me and object permanence don't mix!" You sam with a huff and cross your arms.

"Fine, we'll get it but actually eat it this time" Dean says handing the list to Sam, you smirk getting up from the table and put your dishes in the sink. You hear Sam write down some things.

"Alright we'll let Dean finish eating breakfast, I'll wash the dishes and then we can head out" Sam say with a smile, I nod and head to the 'Dean Cave' because it has a bigger tv then in my room.

...

After a while you get a text from Sam.

Sam : Come on kid, we're heading out

You get up from the small love seat you were relaxing on and head to the main area. Sam and Dean were at the 'mission' table.

Sam was on his laptop and Dean was scrolling on his phone. Sam notices you first and shuts his laptop which makes Dean look up from his phone. Sam gets up from the table, Dean puts his phone in his pocket and pulls his keys out of his other pocket and jingle's them.

"Are lets get goin you two" Dean says with a smirk. You and Sam nod and follow Dean out to the garage and all pile into the Impala. You in the backseat, Sam and Dean in the front.

[love-kurdt]

wip (what is poppin') wednesday

from chapter 2 of ntwdt >:) this fucking document is 37 pages long rn. to put that into perspective, the entirety of TIMT adds up to 37 pages. and i'm only on part 2 of 4. i think i've gone mad

“We’ve been here for, what,” I checked my watch, just to verify how long we’d been seated in the diner booth, “four and a half hours? And I still barely know anything about you!”

Matt chuckled. “Well, we’ve gotta finish the ten things about you, first!”

“Not my fault you keep distracting me.”

I could hear the grin spreading across his face as he teased, “I’m distracting, now, am I?”

“You are,” I admitted.

Matt narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin in feigned suspicion. “Interesting.”

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, pushing the conversation forward before I got too flustered and lost my train of thought once again. “So… Hawkins, Jonathan, D&D, books, my major, singing, alcohol, my father, Dustin–”

“Dustin doesn’t count,” Matt said.

“He does, too!” I insisted, letting a little bit of my inner child seep through the cracks.

“Fine,” Matt relented with a slight eye roll, “But only because I like you.”

Well, that was very forward of him. It wasn’t too out of pocket, given the fact that I’d literally made out with him not even ten minutes into knowing his name, but listening to a guy openly admitting his romantic feelings for me without any form of hesitation was something I had yet to get used to. I spent years hiding my own feelings, and Mike… fuck Mike. “I like you, too,” I heard myself say.

“… And that’s ten.”

“Wait really?” I shook my head in confusion. “What was ten?”

“That you’re into me.”

“Oh,” I said with a slight eye roll at my own stupidity, “Yeah. I guess that was ten things.”

“And that’s my number one. I like you,” he nudged my foot with his under the table with a smirk, “I have severe ADHD, I have a dog back home named Swayze— he’s a pomeranian. I’m a sophomore material studies major because I can’t make decisions to save my life. I have a passion for writing and have this dream of writing and illustrating my own stories someday–”

“Woah, wait, me too!” I interrupted, and Matt’s eyes lit up in surprise.

“Wait, you write as well?”

How to Explain The Status of Your Co-Writing Relationship with Your Ex-Best Friend Who You Were in Unrequited but Not Actually Unrequited Love With Without Mentioning His Name for Dummies would’ve been pretty useful right about now. “Well… no. I used to work on silly comic books with some of my old friends, but I only illustrated. Someone else did the writing.”

“Cool,” Matt nodded in approval.

“I have no idea what's gonna happen next. But, whatever it is, I... I think we should work together. I think it'll be easier if we're... we're a team. Friends. Best friends.”

“Cool.” 

“Cool.”

“So, uh—” Fuck, I hadn’t even realized I’d spaced out. “That was five, right?” Matt asked me, and I nodded, taking a sip of my Diet Coke. How long did I dissociate for? This hadn’t happened to me in months.

[toxicroyjamie]

🌀 and ⛅ please!!!! 🙏🙏🙏 I would make a blood sacrifice to read your RoyJamie fic, if that's any motivation.

THANK YOUUUU .... It so is.... I have like 39 wips and I NEVER have time to finish them but I feel like if I actually locked in on one project I could like. Actually make something idk. but yes ty <3

🌀: Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't published.

I'm literally so bad at writing summaries and I never do it, so I'll just describe one haha

It's an AU where Jamie's life veered off course in his late teens and he became a year 0/reception (or Pre-K in the US - 4-5 year olds) teacher instead of a football player. Roy is the exact same. Phoebe's in Jamie's class and Roy and Jamie hit it off when Roy's sister gets an emergency call into work and he has to go be the Volunteer Parent Helper in Jamie's classroom haha

🌤️: Post your favorite dialogue from your WIP.

This is from the same one just to keep the theme going. Keep in mind this is a work in progmess lol <3

“So,” she starts, drawing out the o sound, which immediately confirms Roy’s suspicion that she’s got vicious, nasty ulterior motives.

“What do you think of Mr. Jamie?”

Roy throws his head back and groans.

Since he came out, Rachel’s been on the fool’s errand of trying to lure him into talking about men with her.

It's like she thinks they're on fucking Sex and the fucking City, or something.

Roy is really no more eager to discuss men with his sister than he ever was to discuss women with her (or than he would be to, say, flatten his testicles in a vice-grip), and has tried several times to explain as much, but Rachel doesn’t listen to a goddamn word he says.

She reaps some sort of demented delight from his continued irritation.

Fucking little sisters.

Roy takes a hedonistically-long swig from his stemmed glass and swishes the bitter liquid around in his cheeks like a wine-tasting old-money prick.

It tastes like wine; he thinks he detects notes of grapes.

"Jamie’s fine,” Roy concedes, refusing to fall prey to her scheme. “Seems…nice.”

Rachel - undeterred - jabs him beneath the ribs with her bony index finger.

It fucking hurts. She’s inherited their mother's hawk talon fingers, long and sharp and probably strong enough to break a rodent’s neck in one go.

Roy cradles his poor, abused side and glares daggers at her across the sofa.

“Fuck off! What?”

“You know.”

He does.

“No, I don’t,” he insists, directing his attention back towards the TV.

He keeps his arms firmly glued to his sides, just in case she tries it.

Two of the dark-haired, belipfillered women who have been courting the same ugly little blond lad are yelling at each other in a restaurant booth, but Rachel was running her mouth through the entirety of the talking heads segment, so Roy's got no idea what's happened or where they are.

He growls in annoyance and moves to grab the remote off the coffee table.

The moment his sides are exposed, Rachel lunges at him, driving her talon into his vulnerable side.

Next time, Roy thinks, I’ll bite her finger clean off.

“Fucking stop!” He orders.

He slaps her hand away hard enough that she yelps.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?" She demands, cradling her hand like Roy's fucking broken it, or something. “I have to be the weirdo?”

“Yeah. Because I've got no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, Roy. He's fucking fit.”

“Is he? Didn't notice. Can I just fucking watch our fucking show?”

“All the mummies fancy him, too,” Rachel continues, ignoring him altogether. “I mean, not me. I don't like athletic men. They're all vain and shallow.”

“Hm.”

“But all the other mummies. God, there's a mums’ groupchat—for, like, playdates, or day-drinking, or whatever—and the shit these women say about this boy—let me show you.”

She reaches for her phone on the coffee table, but Roy waves her off.

“I can imagine, thanks.”

[n7punk]

I accidentally drafted this instead of scheduling it for the start of October BUT I wanna talk about the scrapbusting aspect of Sapphic September for me now it's done because it was really successful for me.

Oh to start, let me actually explain scrapbusting: it's going through your scraps/fabric pile and finally sewing the pieces you've stocked up there. Usually it's more of a quilters thing since they can much more easily use small scraps, but the term has spread through the entire sewing community now and I've also seen it used for finally completing projects you may have cut out but never sewn and such.

So a lot of my SS ideas came out of nowhere (what is Ritual. Like actually) but this event was also so good for convincing myself to finally do things I'd been holding on to forever and I wanna go over those! I'm also gonna include a little of AU-ctober/Sheratober in here at the end

highlights / fault lines (OotW) [teeth]: i have had the highlights document sitting in my WIPs folder for 2 years (Oct 2022), starting with the first paragraph in the second scene for the final fic, and then just a little blurb of what the fic would be about (adora struggling to adjust/with her depression after joining the rebellion to explore how unhealthy she managed to be in secret). when I started writing the teeth prompt, i wrote that first scene and went, wait, this could actually tie into that old idea, so i pasted it into that old doc and just went from there. I'm so glad to have finally gotten that idea out there and it was basically accidental lol.

Sickfic (the Greys) [UFO]: another file I've had sitting around for two years (Nov 2022), I wrote the first paragraph and then immediately switched over to what the first chapter of Recycled Stardust ended up being, the museum gallery opening. I was writing it for a friend who was sick, so "sickfic" made sense, but then I had the other idea and asked them which idea they'd prefer, and they chose the art gallery, so that other idea just sat there in my WIPs folder titled simply "sickfic.docx" for two years. When I saw UFO on the list I IMMEDIATELY went oh my god I'm going to finally finish this thing.

the bones of what you believe (OotW) [bones]: This is a partial hit. I came up with the idea for the broken bones thing just for this prompt, but as I started writing it, it naturally morphed into a reality break, and I had the following stub in my OotW ideas folder (titled 'delirium'): "Cognitive dissonance, catra adjusting to bright moon but its so pastel, and soft, and breezy, and smells like open air and flowers, it feels like a halucination, it’s difficult to tell what’s real". I ended up incorporating those aspects into this reality break, which I think works better than trying to turn that into its own fic separately, so another idea down!

Backseat Beast (Trade Today for Tomorrow) [moonlight]: I've had the catcrumbs drawing that inspired this sitting in my drafts, with those tags attached (minus Sapphic September lol), since the 4th of July... 2023. Yeah. I told you this was scrapbusting lol. I knew I wanted to do something with Catra, being far too aware for a kid her age, using it to listen in and be a bit of a little shit, but I never came up with more for it and had the idea it had to be multiple vignettes to make a new installment but like... it doesn't. It can just be one, lol, so as soon as I saw 'moonlight' I thought of TTfT since it's tied into immortality in that verse and I ended up using this idea even though there isn't actually any moonlight directly tied into this idea. I was going to try to write another scene that actually had the moonlight glow, but what I learned this month was that I need to give myself permission to write smaller things more.

mirrorworld (a left turn somewhere around etheria) (OotW) [surreal]: okay obviously I made that original tumblr post four years ago, but I had no intention of actually writing it. I happened to rediscover it two years later though (not really sure when) and decided I should actually write it. Well I wrote one paragraph and then never picked it back up. When I saw both the surreal and mirror prompts I knew I had to actually do this fucking idea now or just delete the damn file lmao.

Starlight (somewhere between the sand & stardust) [the divine/awakening]: This was intended to be my next project after Slipstream before Sapphic September grasped my attention with that fucking ghost prompt. Anyway just a glance at the prompt list told me I could fit in the Lightbeam sequel with these themes somewhere so hey, problem solved! I was a little burnt out on kidfic right after Slipsteam so the break to write all the stupid stuff gave me the room I needed to actually write Starlight.

A Prophecy from an Angry God [prophecy]: Oh boy this one. I don't normally like crossover fic because most of the time the themes of the two things just don't mesh, nevermind the plot, but I do sometimes like AUs just using another universe's rules (thus letting you make your own themes & plot) so that's what I wanted to do with this. The avatar fic came to me as a fever dream in the later house or early morning, I don't remember which, and I made the file in my Scrivener ideas folder on March 24th in 2023, but I wasn't sure I was actually ever going to write it. I remembered it when thinking about prophecy/fate in regards to the Avatar's role, though, and I was like. I'm not deleting this file ever, so I either need to write it now or look at it forever. So I finally wrote it LOL.

In AU-ctober, I've been seeing on the idea for Somewhere Beautiful, We Can Finally Meet for 7 months. I started working on it here and there, but AU-ctober planning started back in early September and I thought this would be a good way to close it out, even if it ended up being much longer than the five days that made up that week.

Rain or Shine I've been sitting on for AGES and the Sheratober prompts helped push me on ideas to finally get it out.

The Green Line idea is only a month old, but it was just "subway AU" and the Sleep prompt came along as a great way to spur interaction by falling asleep on public transit.

[zannolin]

fic author q&a

tagged by @beautyofsorrow <3

why do you write fanfic?

short answer, because i love it and it makes me happy. longer answer, still that. but it makes other people happy too, sometimes, and especially as i am often writing for nicher series/pairings/dynamics/etc, i love knowing that someday if anyone else likes this obscure silly thing, they can go looking for fic about it and mine will be there waiting for them. also i am immensely unhappy when i'm not writing. i don't think i could live without it. and writing fanfic is fulfilling to me in a way that original work often is not, largely because of the community aspect and the low pressure for it to be marketable or revised or support me as a person or an artist tbh.

which of your posted stories do you think of the most even though the story is "finished"?

mmm tough call. the fey au in the sense that it's the world and plot i am proudest of craft-wise. i worked really hard and i think you can see that it paid off. but other than that i think... i think it might have to be please don't hold me to it right now. because i did it just how i wanted. in a way it's like what my boys in bars series was trying to be but didn't quite reach on the friendship level i think.

if you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

just let yourself write what you want, how you want. you can have flowery prose. you can be weird and vague and metaphorical. you can just write about friends, i promise. and stop looking at your fucking stats.

what's your relationship to fic stats?

well. i think above answers that one lol. i've blocked my ao3 stats. i cannot see hit or kudos or bookmark counts on ANY fics. + i've gotten much better about not expecting anything especially by writing highly niche stuff.

is there a pairing or scenario or friendship that you miss writing? if so, why? if not, why not?

ehhh. the shazamily, to an extent. the shazam fandom is lovely because so many of us are writing family/friendship centric works and that's if not the norm, at least MUCH more common than in other fandoms that i've been in, and i miss that because at heart, i'm a genficcer. i'm a friendshipper. i love platonic and ambiguous relationships so much. so i miss that, but for the most part, i'm actually okay with not writing anything i used to write. that's okay.

what motivates you to write?

i WILL lose my mind if i don't. i can't even elaborate past that like i'll just go bonkers.

why do you write for the fandom(s) you write for?

because i am sick and ill and dying from brainrot and nobody is writing the highly specific content that i crave in the way that i crave it. sometimes there's nothing for the fandom at all, and SOMEBODY's gotta be the change. mostly i'm just like hyperfixated and losing it.

if you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

take a break. do other things like jigsaw puzzles and taking walks and reading books. listening to phoebe bridgers on my floor. the usual. it'll pass. the ideas will come when they're ready.

what do you wish people knew about comments?

a genuine comment is never a bother. NEVER. no author that i have ever met is going to be upset at you for commenting on a fic and saying hey i really loved this!!! or something like that. no matter how old that fic is. no matter if the author has moved on, or put it on anon, or hasn't written fanfiction in years. it is never, ever a bother. when i get a comment on a fic that i didn't JUST post, i rejoice. i lie on my floor and i think about how incredible it is that people are still finding, reading, and loving something that i wrote, no matter how bad i think it is now that i've grown into a different person. i have coasted for WEEKS on the fact that someone left me a comment saying i loved this and here's my favorite part. here's why. this made me cry. this made me smile. this reminded me of my best friend. this is how it feels, really, you got it. any of that. all of it. sometimes a fic is me going "is this crazy??" and a comment is someone saying "no, no, it's not, i see it". a comment that takes like two minutes to type can matter for two years just by being like, hey, this mattered to me. plus like 90% of my friendships online have been founded on the basis of commenting on fanfic so you know, rave reviews from me.

maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. what's that question (and answer)? -> is there a fic and/or author who is doing what you want to be doing with your own writing? who/what?

i can yap all day about inspirations but lately, i am haunted by love me on purpose by smoosnoom in terms of themes, emotions, and pure aching; @thcscus in sheer technicality and prose; the pacing, metaphor, and tone in there's daggers in men's smiles, @beautyofsorrow's sensory work in literally Every fic ever + her fic for the barbie zine none of you losers get to read yet; and @blusandbirds' ability to capture visceral emotion so damn vividly and succinctly.

tagging @blusandbirds @transjlawrence @lordgrimwing @pinkgrapefloyd!

[storiesofaot]

WIP game!! I find it so funny how you name your files, but I love it. So organized.

How about "A Thousand Times Nothing Happened - Zoom" ? It sounds like "A Thousand Times Hange and Levi had Insane Tension But Were Too Emotionally Constipated to Act" and I can always get behind tension.

Thank you so much, @starshower1215 - haha yes, I do my best to keep everything organised 😂

You're actually not too far off! Let me rephrase it a little bit, "A Thousand Times Hange And Levi Acted As Best Friends And That One Time They Had Insane Tension And Didn't" (yours sounded so much cooler, though!).

This oneshot is based on a German song (xD) that randomly came to my attention again, and which I dont even like thaaat much, but my Levihan brain immediately turned the lyrics into an Modern AU fic, oops! Levi and Hange have been friends since they were four years old, and they stayed best friends for the next 24 years until one night changed it all... *dramatic drum roll*

It's going to switch between present time and flashbacks of them growing up together, because that's where the lyrics led me (and I followed). Here's a little snippet from the beginning, with the cursive being the (translated) lyrics of the song:

◇

You just wanted to pass the time in the evening, and since you didn’t want to go alone, you called me. We were only friends and wanted to stay that way, not in a dream I believed something could happen.

Running a shaky hand over his face, Levi sighed and closed his eyes, listening to the soft click of her bathroom door. Saying that this night had taken an unexpected turn was probably the understatement of the year. Actually, no - of the century, or rather, of his entire life. This was what happened when he ended up agreeing to things he didn’t want to do. He should’ve said no, should’ve explained that it had been a long day at the bookstore, that he was tired and only wanted to lie down and read a little before falling asleep.

◇

A little snippet from one of the flashback scenes:

◇

I don’t even know how long we have known each other. Your parents used to go bowling with mine. We stayed at home, you fell asleep in front of the TV. We were like siblings during all those years.

It had all started when Hange moved in with her parents and her older brother at the young age of four, into the house right across the street from where he lived. His mother had insisted on giving her family a little welcome gift and, against his will, had taken him along - his little hand in one of hers and a box of homemade cookies in the other. “If I saw correctly, they have two kids, a girl and a boy. Who knows, maybe you can become friends! Wouldn’t that be great?”

Levi had shaken his head, a deep scowl on his face. He didn’t want a friend; he had his picture books and his mum, what else did he need? The kids at kindergarten were all dumb; they didn’t like playing with him - so why should those two kids be any different?

◇

And the moment things started to shift:

◇

Soon, he was nodding along to whatever she was saying, her words all but lost under the pounding bass, and when she laughed, he found himself smiling too. Because it was Hange, and her laugh always made everything feel a little lighter. But tonight, it stirred something different in him - a strange tingle in his stomach as he watched her look at him, nose crinkling, eyes alight with amusement.

(...)

She squinted a little, as if deciding how to answer his question. Or maybe she was just too drunk and trying to refocus her eyes on him. “I’m trying to read you,” she finally replied. “Something’s different about you tonight, and I wanna know what.”

◇

This story contails probably the most "sensual" writing I have ever done, but it's definitely nothing explicit, the emphasis is more on the emotional connection 😆 And it's also pretty much finished, so I might upload it towards the end of the week! (if everything goes well ha)

Thank you so much for asking, and have a great day/night! 🌙

The WIP tag game 💛

[mockerycrow]

Any advice on how to write fanfics? What has helped you in your experience? I'm thinking of writing on e I finish the COD: MW games and also do some Darkest Dungeon afterwards because my desire to write angst is making my ears emit 1930's cartoon smoke out of my ears

Okay, so,,, I don’t know how helpful I’ll be with this, but I’ll try, anon!!

TIP #1: Read. This sounds so simple, but I promise you that reading books and other pieces of fanfiction has helped me a lot with my own writing. I do advise reading actual physical original books too, because don’t get me wrong! Reading other authors’ fanfic pieces will help, but I’ve personally have gotten a lot of my experience through authors and books such as the exorcist. I highly recommend reading classic poems if you have a tough time with describing feelings and using metaphors! [I personally have copies of many works of Charles Baudelaire. I also have a copy of The Bell Jar.]

TIP #2: Use synonyms. Synonyms of different words keep you from directly repeating yourself over and over, so instead of saying “___ Said.” over and over, you could say; “___ replied curtly.” “___’s tone was somber as they began,” It also completely depends on the tone of the characters mood. Are they angry? Are they frightened? Are they happy? You gotta ask yourself these questions. You don’t even have to specify who’s speaking if you describe their action before the dialogue. For Example: Soap stared at you blankly as he watched you overfill your cup of coffee, letting out a chuckle. “Tired this mornin’, aye?”

TIP #3: Use music. I have entire playlists dedicated to characters that I listen to as I write for them. It doesn’t have to be complete accurate songs either, it can be songs that also remind you of them. I use songs to write more in character, as well as set the mood for the fic. Is this fic sad? I find sad music that I can relate back to said character. Is this character a particular angsty one? Find songs that relate to their trauma, or at least how they would respond to a conflict situation.

TIP #4: Do not force yourself to write if you feel burnt out. This is a big one! I may have a lot of WIPs, but I don’t allow myself to complete ones I don’t feel too confident about in that moment. I take a step back, maybe complete other works first—and it may be weird to others who read your stuff, maybe you answer a day old ask immediately but answer a 2 week old ask 3 days later? Go at your pace. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR decision to write.

I may have more tips, so I might add them later! (june 17th, 2023)

[datrb]

2023 art review!

Even if this year wasn't the biggest on art, due to my physical condition (especially in last couple of months), it would still be nice to look back on what i did as an artist throughout it!

This is gonna be a fun ride...

So, let's dive straight into it, shall we?

Continuation under the cut

January

2023 started on a high note, with me just having finished the King piece, and moving on to the next big thing, being an AvA3/5 double piece.

Sadly, during the process i messed up big time which led to me being unable to finish the piece the way i wanted to, rendering this project an eternal WIP. However, i still cherish the idea and do wish to either redraw, or complete it.

February

Doing 2 big projects one after another did end up affecting my overall drive, so i spent majority of that month just making sketches.

First one is a little redraw/redesign of my old character - Derek, whom i used for a roleplay with my friends like 3 or 4 years ago, and second one is Deach, a character from my fantasy setting.

Also, back then i joined a new fandom, people in which have reminded me of my admiration for SCP, after which me and my friends proceeded to make OCs for it. Was a fun time! (Also this access card was sold by me as a YCH, sadly i couldn't really find buyers, so yikes)

March

By march is slowly started recovering from january's disappointement and was a bit more productive already. One of my friends really helped with it too.

A musician friend of mine reached out to me, asking to develop a design for a villain character in the plot he was working on. After listening to the theme song i couldn't resist. This ended up being one of my favorite designs so far, and i adore its look in neon.

In the meantime, i kept working on my fantasy setting, refining more minor details of designs and stories, yet having to reserve only to making sketches as i was too busy with college and other projects. Characters you see on screen are Ian and Lanfor respectfully. One is a strong yet troubled mage and other is a great Emperor, and even better person.

April

I'd say april was one of the most productive months of this year, mostly because i managed to snatch some time for myself and my setting, which allowed me to complete two full pieces and achieve some extreme progress with my story.

This piece is an illustration to a scene i wrote for two of the characters, Lanfor and Emile, called "Night Visitor". This was a scene of a reunion of two old friends. A bittersweet, yet a lovely work. Love both the written one as well as the illustration.

This one was more of a... Proof of concept. Needed to test out the expresiveness of the design for one or a relatively new characters - Covlar. Was originally a simple sketch on paper, but i couldn't resist the urge of making it into a complete illustration. I then proceeded to make a few notes for this scene. Both want to write it properly and avoid it at all cost... Best to avoid it, for my own sanity.

May

May was a bit of trainwreck, because i got a brand new laptop, which took me quite some time to get used to and even more time to reassure myself that it is in fact alright for me to draw on this suspicioiusly thin piece of tech.

Ironically enough, the only vomplete piece i drew that month was drawn on my old laptop. This screenshot redraw was to made to honour the premiere of AvA6 ep.1. Sadly, i did it a bit late because fo technical issues, but i still had a ton of fun doing it.

June

June was... Chaotic, to say the least. Mostly because i finally got comfortable with the new laptop and could now draw a lot more freely due to it being a lot more compact than the original one, which worked almost like a PC. Besides, i got a ton more free time because semester finals ended up being a breeze.

Ended up making a ton sketches and doodles, that i didn't actually plan to finish, but still enjoyed a ton. Here are some of them

Then, ofc, the memes and the gand redesign, because AvA6 just had to break all of my portrayals. But, i mean, after AvM s3 my original designs did become a bit dated.

The biggest pride and saddest of failures was this picnic piece, however. I still plan on finishing it, but it is hard doing so, when i have changed quite a bit of my artstyle by now.

July

July was quite lazy. Semester ended and i spent that entire month out of the city. It was a great time, very peaceul indeed.

And again, that musician friend from before came into clutch, asking me to develop another design for his other project. And again a villain. He said he really liked how i draw bastard type of characters.

August

Well this is where fun began. End of summer break means i have just this much time to actually draw something i would never have time to draw normally.

For me to draw something to commemorate a new episode is almost like a tradition at this point. And, given how long it's been since i made anything that would require effort, no wonder i have chosen arguably the most complex piece to pull off energy-wise. Yet i did and now i simply adore this piece, even if it did render me disabled. (I crunched through all of this piece, pulling off 40+ hours of work in just 4 days, so naturaly it ended up worsening my condition by a lot)

Then i also proceeded to do all of these tiny side projects, like Victim ask, which i couldn't last long at due to my condition, and working on a design for my favourite streamer. (Which i cannot show as the work is not complete an it's best if i avoid spoilers)

September and October

These two months i spent being unable to draw at all via a doctor's advice. Arguably, these two were the hardest months for me to handle.

I assume you can imagine how hard it is to suddenly stop being able to do what you love, regardless of how much you wish to do it.

Novemer

*Nervous laughter* I... actually still wasn't allowed to use my hand, but that didn't stop me and i ended up making an entire series of sketches to celebrate AvA6 ep2.

"Small in big quantity will sure be less exhausting than a single big thing" - (C) Me, proably

I will admit, i still adore all of these sketches and each of them deserves to become a fully fledged piece in it's own right, but i really better keep them as they are. For my own safety.

December

As you way have expected, this month will stay without a single thing from me. It's not because i don't want to, but because i can't. And, given the circumstance, it better stay that way.

Afterword

I finally got my diagnosis and soon enough i will start active treatment for my condition. It would be a shame to make this worse than it already is with impulses like those that happened in november, so i am making this post as a way to draw a line for myself.

It is still kinda crazy to realize that there are quite a few people interested in what i make, so i will make sure to take my recovery as responcible as possible, and then come back to you with even more art in the upcoming year! Let's be positive about it.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Holy Ground | Hallowed Bodies Update #1

LONAN CLARK ERA LONAN CLARK ERA!! Welcome to instalment 1 of the Hallowed Bodies updates! :) HB is a literary fiction novella I finished in August (WIP intro) and a companion to BODY BACK.

Let's talk about magical beginnings, how life impacts writing, grieving potentials, & Lonan's internality!

Update under the cut!

Logline: When his girlfriend leaves to travel, Lonan carries out his typical daily routine which includes visiting a church and walking a strange route home.

Hallowed Bodies taglist (pls ask to be +/-):

@subtlefires @dallonwrites @saintedseraph @cream-and-tea @rownanisntwriting @euphoniouspandemonium @iwannawritepls @thefruitonyourfly @olive-riggzey @silassghost @thelivingdeceased

Beginnings & more beginnings

When I got the original idea for Hallowed Bodies, it was March and I was on the other side of the country at the intersection in front of my old apartment building. It was raining on my walk home from a journalism class and I was listening to My Dying Spirit by Greyson Chance when I had the thought... "okay if Harrison is alone in Las Vegas in BODY BACK, that must mean LONAN is also alone for a while in Las Vegas--so what's he doing?"

For about two days, I was really consumed with the idea of what this book *could* be--eerie church imagery, a contemplation of faith, an exploration of Lonan's relationship with his dead mother. Then time passed, I moved, life got weird, I finished BODY BACK, and by the time I got back to HB, something in me had changed.

When life changes writing & grieving potentials

I've given that preamble because HB didn't turn into the thing I thought it would turn into on that initial walk back home. I think there's sometimes a tendency in writing advice spaces to be so blasé about how life circumstances impact writing. I don't think there was any possible way June 2023 me could've written the Hallowed Bodies I'd dreamt up back in March 2023. I changed SO much despite staying fundamentally the same and the idea also had to change because *I'm* the one writing it.

With that said, sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I stayed exactly where I was in the spring (which is an extremely Lonan and Harrison-core thing to consider LOL). In a way, a big part of writing this book was grieving what it could've been. I still have a distinct vibe of the early vision which is very similar but adjacent nonetheless to what I actually wrote. I think that's what made writing this project so hard because I didn't understand what I wanted from it--March me was conflicting with June me and in the end, what we got was a mixture of both!

A positive start... for now!!!

I've always heard of writers talk about "shiny new idea syndrome" but I never really understood it. However, drafting Holy Ground completely clarified what shiny new idea syndrome even is which left me feeling perhaps overly confident (honestly which I'm grateful for because I didn't feel that way again until the last chapter LOLLL).

I drafted the first paragraph of this book back in April, and the rest of it only took a day or two in June. It's very short (for me) at 1500 words and illuminated two structural elements for HB: short chapters and "vignette"-like scenes.

Inspiration & vibes:

Okay so SORRY if you already know this but Greyson Chance got me unwise & his music video for My Dying Spirit is MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I always thought of MDS as a really solid Lonan song, but the music video's Catholic imagery had me spiraling MORE. I basically wanted to recreate the vibes of that video in the form of a book.

We were really going for THIS as the vibe (from the video)!

Hallowed Bodies as Antithesis

One of the first things I knew about HB was that I wanted it to be a mirror of BODY BACK. I wanted to see how Lonan got to be a better person BEFORE FH in contrast to how Harrison becomes a worse person before FH. Thinking of Hallowed Bodies as the antithesis of BB is really fascinating to me! If BB is loud, HB is quiet. If BB is maximalist, HB is minimalist (as much as I could help it haha).

Internal narratives as a trap

Something I LOVE about this project in general is that it's SO internal. I don't think I've ever been so deeply rooted in Lonan's voice before, but Hallowed Bodies as a project warrants intimacy. Lonan's alone for a week in Las Vegas basically doing nothing, which is a precursor to Feeding Habits (the novel that comes after this) where he's really "settled" into being a completely subordinate person in his own life.

I wanted to use internality as a means to make the narrative feel confined, like Lonan does. Because of that, I focused on adding a LOT of descriptions that directly reflect Lonan's desires and internal conflicts (the excerpt with the couple reflects this the most). What he notices is EXTREMELY important. What do his observations reveal about him?

Listlessness and Lonan

Something that became clear to me early in the drafting process is that Lonan is soooo listless. Like direction? Drive? Passion? He has NOTHINGGGG. He's really living a settled, "domestic" life, and he clearly can't handle it. This is setup for Feeding Habits so it's not as intense as it is there, but this man is BORED and ready to romanticize ANYTHING for some serotonin. This is critical setup for later when we meet "the man" (whose name for efficiency's sake is Dallas bc he looks like Matt Dillon in The Outsiders <3 that was the reason <3).

HB is a really transitional project for Lonan. He comes off Moth Work a better person to others but not quite a better person to himself. We get to see him crave gentleness a LOT in HB, a feeling that seems so foreign to him, which I think also contributes to his feeling of displacement. In a way, it was also transitional for me--it's the first thing I've written in full as a graduate!

The plot

CW: religious trauma (Catholicism)

Scene A:

In a church, Lonan recalls a memory of him and his father praying.

Scene B:

Lonan starts his walk home, aware the route is nonsensical.

Scene C:

Lonan recalls the last time he saw Eliza before she left for her week-long trip.

Scene D:

Lonan considers Las Vegas' warm autumn.

Scene E:

In memory, Eliza finds Lonan's father's rosary in her apartment.

Excerpts:

The first "scene" (aka vignette). This is one of my favourite openings EVER!!! It's just Hallowed Bodies core!

Lonan doesn’t pray anymore. At least not the way he used to. As a child, he and his father prayed everywhere: begging for forgiveness at Crater Lake, repenting in line for an oil change, supplicating in a windstorm. On Sundays, they’d wake before dawn and nestle in front of the bathroom mirror, recite the first chapter of Genesis, Paul’s letters to Timothy, Psalm 22. Lonan preferred the Apostle’s Creed. He’d watch his young mouth repeat I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, and he did believe. After hours of this, sunlight misting the open window, mass a half hour away, their lips would be so numb they’d have to pinch them until they were bloody mouthed and ready, at last, for God. The truth is, Lonan believes in nothing now. He’s as fatherless as he is motherless as he is godless. This should be a good thing. But bowed against a pew, the church around him hollow like Jesus’ empty tomb, his eyes trained on the dangling crucifix ahead of him, he’s certain this is wrong. He needs a mentor, a shepherd, an idol. He needs someone to follow.

This is the second scene/vignette. Something I love here is that we can tell Lonan's a hopeless romantic lol. Like hey you're looking awfully fondly at that couple, why?? You want that?? You want love?? Also! If you read the recent Changing States excerpt, you'll notice I also mention a café in the arts district which is an easter egg to say Lonan and Jeremiah love the same café (they need to be friends):

He takes the long way home. The long way home entails cutting past a wedding chapel near Lewis until he nears a second wedding chapel by a dollar store. He then turns around and retraces his steps back to the church, then walks all the way to a café bakery in the arts district where he stands and watches patrons from across the street. A man always meets a woman. They swipe off milk foam mustaches, lean against each other to fill out a crossword. The sun sometimes hits their faces and pales their eyes till they’re transparent like vapour. They never walk out together. He leaves the moment the first one goes, then continues back to the church where he finally walks ten minutes to Eliza’s place. The walk takes over an hour. It’s inefficient. Nonsensical. He makes this route every day.

This is just such a typical Lonan and Eliza interaction:

She’d left groceries in the fridge—no need to go shopping—and if he wanted, she’d also left a fifty-dollar bill on the counter for takeout. As he stared at the ceiling, she kissed him and complained about her mother’s plans to go horseback riding that coming weekend. “I know what a horse looks like,” she said, then explained they’d also be touring Stowe with a gaudy tourism agency. “She’s exhausting me already.” She sighed, having gone completely still. Lonan didn’t notice until she took his face with her hand, squishing his jaw, and asked “Are you okay?” An hour later, she was gone with a pre-packed suitcase, and he was still lying in bed wondering if she’d been there at all, if he’d been there at all, if in actuality they were both dead, or at the very least, both ghosts.

Do you fear bodies of water to the point where you practice holding your breath in full sinks so if you're ever close to drowning at least you're prepared:

It’s September in Las Vegas. The asters that grow outside Eliza’s apartment building have started to bloom, shockingly purple. The severe summer heat has barely faded, weather Lonan isn’t used to. Sometimes he crouches right in front of Eliza’s oscillating fan so it blows right in his face. At other times he ruffles up the freezer until he finds something suitable to drape on his forehead—a bag of peas, a Ziploc of homemade perogies, a hard plastic ice pack Eliza almost always forgets to return after work. Though sometimes, he cranks the bathroom sink all the way to cold and fills it up, sticks his face in there like it’s nothing, waits there for what feels like a few hours.

Lonan examining how fucking weird dating Eliza is lol:

Eliza doesn’t know about his visits to the church. He started his daily trips about two weeks back, ensuring he got home before she did from a shift. As they ate canned beef stew on the couch, as she spoke to him about an irritating coworker, as she rested her hand on his elbow then looked at her bedroom door, he kept this secret from her. He’s not sure why. He knows he doesn’t have to. Eliza already knows his father was devout to something—on the last day of August, she rummaged through a filing cabinet in her bedroom and pulled out a bronze rosary. Lonan didn’t need to look at it to know who it belonged to. He’d learned to identify it by scent alone. “That’s your dad’s,” she said, something sober in her voice. She was essentially providing him a confession—a crime she unknowingly participated in. The rosary dangled like fuzzy dice from a rear-view mirror. When he didn’t move from where he leaned in the doorway, she stood and pocketed it. “I didn’t know. He gave it to me when…” Her voice trailed off when she realized he still hadn’t reacted. What had she expected from him? He’s not wholly illogical—he’d accepted that his father had likely given her things and that she’d kept them. They’d dated. That was normal.

^^ (IS IT NORMAL THO I COULD WRITE A TAG ESSAY ON THIS)

Eliza backtracks (CW: implied abuse, blood mention):

Eliza promised she’d go through all her things—make sure she didn’t have anything else “from Jason.” Hearing his father’s name said aloud like that was a normal thing felt even stranger than having his rosary. Lonan took a step back that was really more a stagger; he narrowly caught himself on the bedroom doorframe. His cheeks were hot—with embarrassment, but also tears, and the tears worsened the embarrassment which worsened the tears. He couldn’t explain to her that when he was too young to memorize a phone number, that rosary had been wrapped around his hand till his fingers turned blue. Or that one silty night, he’d clutched the cross so tight under his pillow that his palms bled. “Sorry,” he said, pawing at his eyes.

The aftermath of that scene:

In the end, he sat on the balcony, silently crying as he stared out over the city. He tried to think of ways to reverse time—perhaps if he pretended nothing happened, Eliza would too. They’d start the afternoon all over again, her kicking off her shoes at the front door, setting her purse down on the small dining table. “You want to grab dinner?” she would’ve shouted through the apartment, already fumbling for the coupons she’d tacked to the refrigerator, knowing he was listening to her. Instead, he stared at his trembling fist.

And the last paragraph of this chapter! (Lonan really said "I don't have thoughts stop bothering me")

He needs to eat something. There’s raw celery in the vegetable crisper. A new pack of whole wheat tortillas atop the toaster. It’s when he’s pulling them out to eat, the low static hum of a radio station left on gritting midair, that he realizes perhaps that’s exactly it—he can’t tell Eliza about the church. Not because she won’t care, but precisely because she will. She’d follow him every time he goes, ask what he was thinking of every time he bowed his head to pray. He doesn’t know what he thinks. Most of the time he isn’t thinking at all. But what he knows for certain is the church and his meandering walk, that couple in the café, the fact that one always leaves, are not just routine for him. This is his holy ground. Luminous, alive. Somewhere to flee, even when he’s not sure what he’s running from.

And that's it! I'm really excited to introduce y'all more officially to Hallowed Bodies! :) And because I vowed to make these updates feel more cozy, here's this Lonancore gif LOL:

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

Drunk-Dazed and Lust-Crazed

pairing: demigod!San x fem!reader (mentions of other idols)

genre: fluff, angst, slowburn, demigod!AU, college!AU

warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption (an unhealthy amount), mentions of anxiety and past trauma, suggestive themes, mentions of violence, knives, blood, (not so minor) character death, cursing

Word count: ~13.8k

Summary: San, the son of Dionysus, decides to descend to the human realm and experience the human ways of having fun for the first time in his life. But he experiences much more than that - danger, recklessness, lust… and love.

Author’s note: This fic is part of the Hamartia (Αμαρτία) collab, hosted by @sleepylixie​ and @delicatewerewolfsoul​! Thank you for letting me participate in this amazing collab <3. The header was made by @intokook (original gif by @fixons​). Here’s a mini playlist to get you in the mood of the fic. Another huge thank you to @himbocoups​​ and @bitchlessdino​​ for giving me the necessary push to actually finish this TWO YEAR OLD wip.

taglist: @aliceu​ @heresyourramen​ @iwillgiveyoumyhappiness​​ @choism​​ @flowerwonu​​

This fic does not portray San in real life in any way. This is pure fanfiction.

©multi-kpop-fanfics, 2023. No reposting allowed. No translations allowed without permission.

Olympus.

The home of all Greek Gods, the pinnacle of their power and their majestic residence. Among the known and worshipped gods, only a few selected are able to enjoy a life next to them, most of them being demigods, born from the gods themselves.

Choi San is part of the lucky ones.

A demigod born from the God of Wine and Feast, Dionysus himself. He was born in Korea and lived with his human mother until he was five years old - until Dionysus decided to take him to Olympus and raise him as a god.

Of all the sons and daughters he had, San was his father's favorite for numerous reasons. One of them was his otherworldly beauty - chocolate foxy eyes, a jawline sharper than the most finely-crafted swords, broad shoulders leading to a thin waist and well-defined muscles covering the entire expanse of his body. San's beauty was on par with the beauty of the sons and daughters of Aphrodite, if not above. 

But that's not the sole reason.

San had a heart of pure gold. He was kind to everyone, always there to help someone in need, be it physical or psychological. He had a strong sense of justice, standing up for the weak. All these qualities earned him praises from the rulers of Olympus themselves, but San never lost his humble nature and kindness.

However, he had one miniscule flaw. Endless curiosity. And Dionysus has seen countless times how dangerous curiosity can be.

It was another bright day and San was at his usual spot, under the willow tree close to his father's shrine. A flower crown made from pink roses adorned his ashy brown hair. He was laying on the soft grass, twirling one of his white highlights. He loved moments like this, of pure serenity and peace.

But he was slowly getting tired.

He had turned 22 in human age, yet he had never experienced the ways of humans having fun on their birthdays, especially those of his age. Sure, he absolutely loved the feasts his father would prepare - the ambrosia never failed to amaze him, no matter how many times he tasted it.

But deep down, he felt an unexplainable emptiness. 

How is it like to have fun like a human? How is it like to go out and party like a human?

How is it like to live like a human?

These questions have been floating in San's mind for a long time now. He has repeatedly tried to convince his father to let him descend to the human realm, but every time, the answer is the same.

“I cannot allow this, the human realm is full of dangers, you haven't seen the things I have.”

Frankly, he's sick and tired of listening to the same thing over and over again. And he has finally worked up to the needed courage and make his wish come true.

San gets up from his spot and sprints to his father's shrine, hoping he would find him there. As he enters the majestic temple, he is both delighted and terrified to see Dionysus himself sitting in the throne, enjoying a glass of wine.

"Ah, San! What brings you here today, my beloved son?"

"Hello Father" San says as he rubs his hands together, trying to get rid of his anxiety. 

“Is there something troubling you, my son?” Dionysus asks as he descends from his throne and approaches San. "Actually, there is, but I have finally found the courage to speak", he straightens his posture and Dionysus smiles. 

“Go on, boy, I'm all ears.”

San takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak. 

“As you know, I became 22 years old a few days ago and you asked me for a special gift, but didn't give you an immediate answer. I gave it a lot of thought and I have made up my mind.”

“What is your wish, my son? Speak and I shall grant it.”

“I want to go to the human realm.”

San immediately feels the atmosphere darken as Dionysus drops his smiley facade and anger is written all over his face. 

“Time and time again we've had this discussion, my answer remains the same. You will not leave Olympus!” Dionysus growls, but San does not yield.

"I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me one good reason to stay here” he grits his teeth. 

“Good reason? Have you gone mad, son? You are living in Olympus, you receive the same treatment as if you were a pure God! What other reason could you possibly need?!”

“I want to know what it's like to live like a human, Father. They are mortal beings, yet they feel like they are immortal, like you. They don't live in the residence of gods and goddesses, but they make it look like they live in paradise. They do not feast and eat ambrosia, but they can party for days as if they are tireless” San explains, holding the stars in his eyes, completely awestruck by the human lifestyle. 

“Oh, San… You're still so young and pure, my son. While your words hold the truth, you must never forget that every light casts an equal shadow. There are humans who have more virtues than some gods, but there are also humans whose evil nature can compare to Hades himself. These people will try to take advantage of the kinder souls and I cannot even imagine the horrors some of them have been through” Dionysus admits and San is slightly disheartened at his father's words. 

“You, my dear San, are one of the purest souls I have ever encountered in the time I've walked upon in all the existing realms of the universe. A trait definitely inherited by your mother, as well as your beauty” he continues as he caresses San's cheek in a very affectionate way. 

“I would be damned if I let you become tainted because of some wretched humans, hence why I took you to Olympus with me.”

“Father, I truly appreciate your worries and I'm beyond thankful for having such a caring father figure. However, I'm not a child anymore. I can handle myself just fine, I've learned how to differentiate people based on their motives. Besides, you have said that I can have everyone in the palm of my hands by just looking at them, right?” San smirks and Dionysus laughs, its echo filling the shrine.

“I guess it cannot be helped anymore. It was bound to happen at some point and apparently, the time is now” he announces and San's eyes double in size.

 “Father, are you saying-”

“Yes my son, you are free to visit the human realm as you see fit.”

San literally jumps out of joy due to the good news and hugs his father. 

“I will be forever grateful to you, Father!” he says with a beaming smile. 

“I am not finished yet, San. You are free to visit the human realm, on one condition: You must not fall in love with a human” Dionysus adds and San is left dumbfounded. 

“Um, I… understand, but why?” he asks out of curiosity again. 

“Only a few selected demigods are allowed to live in Olympus along with the rest of the gods and goddesses, simply because most of us have a lot of offsprings, for better or worse. However, demigods falling in love with humans usually leads to more offsprings, who still have a fragment of divine power, but end up using it in corrupted ways. As a result, these demigods are forever banished from Olympus” Dionysus explains and San feels a chill run down his spine. 

“Worry not, Father. You have my word, my journey in the human realm is purely out of curiosity” he smiles and skips happily out of the shrine.

“If only I could tame the ferocious curiosity you had in you, son. Let's hope it won't get you in trouble.”

A few months later….

Saturday night, the streets of Gangnam are filled with young people, all of them ready to dance and drink the night away, to their hearts' content. All types of restaurants, bars and clubs are almost full, the owners rubbing their hands, as if they already feel the money flow through their cashier machines. 

Not everyone has the same thing going on in their minds though - some people want to find someone to spend their night with, someone else wants to drink in order to forget a painful experience and others just want to have fun with their friends or significant other. And there are those people who want all of the above. 

San is one of these people.

But there is a basic difference between San and the rest of the world - he is a demigod, which gives him a huge advantage over pretty much everything in talks of tolerance and energy. You could even say he holds an enormous amount of power.

However, the more powerful someone is, the more insatiable they become. Whether it's money, fame, people, the more you get, the more you want. In San's case, it is a bit different - it's living to the complete edge of life itself.

When he first landed on the human realm, it started off quite innocently - it was just a glass of soju with a human boy his age, Wooyoung. This boy had a few more friends and he introduced them to San. Even if he was awkward at first, they quickly made him feel comfortable in the group and San couldn't be any happier. 

He felt like he finally belonged somewhere, with people he met and befriended on his own, not because of his supernatural powers, but of his sheer excitement and warmth. He had managed to make his own friends.

The visits at the soju place became more frequent and more crowded, since it wasn't just San and Wooyoung anymore. But after a while, they started getting bored of it and wanted a change. They were boys in their early twenties, after all, it was expected to seek a new experience.

“Yo, wanna check out the new club that opened at the corner of the street? Heard they got some pretty good booze there” Changbin says while downing a shot of soju. 

“Booze or boobs?” Yeonjun, another boy in the group, snickers and Changbin raises an empty bottle at Yeonjun's head. 

“Why not both? These two are always a good combo” Wooyoung smirks, “Besides, it was about time we did something different, right Sannie?” 

San perks up at Wooyoung's words and he can already feel his blood rush faster through his veins. 

“Damn right I'm in!” he exclaims and the boys laugh, as they raise their glasses and drink once more.

“I’ll get a head start, need to go check the sound equipment - don’t want anything to fuck up in the middle of the night” Changbin downs another shot of soju.

“I’ll join you, Bin” Yeonjun gets up, putting on his coat.

“You know stuff about consoles, Yeonjun?” San asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Nah, he just wants to fuck around and post stories on socials” Changbin snorts.

“Fuck off, Seo, it’s called promotion - Hak will be thanking me” the taller man throws a light punch on the shorter male’s arm, “Anyways, we’ll be off now -  see ya later, darlings” and they disappear from the shop.

“Yah, San, c'mon dude, let's get going, we're gonna be late!” Wooyoung whines, pulling San by his sleeve in a kinda aggressive manner, as they were walking towards their destination, where Changbin and Yeonjun were waiting for them. 

“Are you sure we'll be able to get into the club? They did say it's very hard to even get inside, let alone book a table…” San trails off and Wooyoung laughs. 

“That is for the commoners, my dear friend, and I assure you, we're not commoners. Besides” he flips his hair dramatically, “The owner's son is a very good friend of ours and a regular at the club on top of that” he winks and San smiles, relieved that they will be able to have fun properly. 

“You must have a lot of connections around here, don't you Woo?” San asks, half impressed by his friend. 

“Hmm well, not really, it's mostly Yeonjun, 'cause he works in a model agency, so it's normal for him to be popular and have lots of connections here and there.”

“Well, yeah, but...” San trails off, “You’re in a dance crew, aren’t you? I mean, you must be pretty popular too”.

Wooyoung chuckles and San raises an eyebrow in question.

“I do have some tricks up my sleeve, Sannie, but I choose to use them wisely”

“Care to elaborate?” San asks and he is startled by some female voices gasping and giggling.

“Oh my God, it’s Wooyoung!”

“He looks so much hotter in person.”

“Ugh, I could pay for all his drinks just to get his attention.” 

“Hey, who’s the hottie with him?”

Wooyoung catches on and sends a wink towards the chattering girls, making them squeal in return. San is stunned by his friend’s action and Wooyoung waves a hand in front of his face. 

“See now? That’s what I meant earlier by tricks up my sleeves.”

The boys finally reach the club and witness an alarmingly long line of people waiting to get in. 

“Um, are you 100% sure you can get us in?” San asks again and Wooyoung rolls his eyes. 

“Watch with your own eyes.” and he goes in front of the security guards, he shows a card and as if on cue, they open the door. San's mouth hangs open in surprise and Wooyoung laughs, waving to him to follow him, completely ignoring the infuriated beeline of people shouting in protest.

As they finally get inside the club, San is greeted by neon lights, loud EDM music playing through the huge speakers and people around his age dancing and drinking mindlessly on the first and second floor of the club. For most people, it would be a cacophony of fun, but to San, it was one of the most exciting things he had ever witnessed in his entire life. 

“Finally, what the fuck took you so long?!” Changbin yells to make himself heard over the noise. 

“Fuck off, Bin, we're here now” Wooyoung sneers, “Hey, Hak, what's up, bro?” he greets the unfamiliar boy. 

“All good, Woo, the usual shit. I see you brought a new friend with you.” the boy says, looking at San with a beaming smile. 

“Hey buddy, I'm Juhaknyeon, but you can call me Haknyeon or just Hak.”

“Nice to meet you, Haknyeon, I'm San.” San greets back the boy.

Is he really the owner's son? He looks way too innocent, San thinks as he studies Haknyeon's face - light brown hair falling on his forehead, pink plush lips, big brown eyes and a beaming smile. If he wasn't human, he could easily be a son of Aphrodite.

“What's your order?” Haknyeon asks San. 

“My order?”

“He means what you're going to drink, dumbass” Yeonjun laughs and San is startled. 

“O-Oh! I'm fine with anything, honestly” he waves his hands in defeat and Wooyoung exchanges a knowing glance with Yeonjun. Changbin looks at them and facepalms, already knowing what is coming up. 

“Oh boy, you did not just say that” he mumbles and San is left dumbfounded.

“Did I say anything wrong?” 

“Depends on how well you handle your liquor” Haknyeon replies. 

“Pretty well, actually” San admits - he's the son of Dionysus after all, but that's a detail he shouldn't share. Wooyoung and Yeonjun snicker almost maliciously at San's words and he raises an eyebrow. 

“We'll see about that, Sannie boy” Wooyoung smirks and yells to the waiter to bring them a round of shots and a bottle of whiskey. 

“Tonight, my friend, is the night you'll get shitfaced and laid.”

To say that Yeonjun and Wooyoung were surprised would be a total understatement.

They half-believed San when he said he could handle his liquor, but they definitely did not expect this.

“One more!” San yells and the newly swarming crowd around him starts hollering, egging  him on to down another round of tequila shots. Haknyeon was watching in pure amusement, while the original troublemakers were hanging their heads in defeat.

“Which round was that?” Yeonjun asks.

“Dude, I swear I’ve lost count, this motherfucker has no mercy” Wooyoung half-whines, still not able to accept his embarrassing defeat “Even Bin is on the verge of passing out, for fucks sake!”

Of course, San was in his own happy world, drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning, but looking and feeling like woke up from the most refreshing sleep ever. Suddenly, he feels a lithe hand smoothing over his shoulder and he turns around to see one of the girls who were fawning over him and Wooyoung a few hours earlier. 

“Oh hey, I remember you!” San remarks in an enthusiastic manner and the girl gives a sultry smile. 

“Hey cutie, thought it would be a good idea to say hi” she says and trails a manicured nail down his chest, “Wanna talk somewhere more...private?” she tilts her head in a suggestive manner. 

Something clicks in San’s brain, as if a switch was turned on and unleashed a brand new sensation all over his body. 

It was a strange feeling and it was making him feel hot everywhere. 

Lust.

In a split second, he grabs the girl’s wrist and pulls her to the club restroom, the music significantly lower now, drowned in the background. He pushes her on the wall, hands firm on her waist. 

“Is that private enough for you, sweetheart?” San licks his lips and tilts his head towards the girl’s neck, his breath fawning over her skin. 

“Hot and smart, you’re a catch, pretty boy” she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a feverish kiss. He could taste the alcohol on her tongue, but he didn’t care and neither did the girl. They were both too caught up in the moment to care about such things, any hint of rational thinking was gone, replaced by lust and need.

San pulls away momentarily, a thin string of saliva connecting their lips. He looks at the girl’s swollen lips, a train of not so innocent thoughts running through his mind. 

“Cat got your tongue, baby?” she asks with a sultry smirk. 

“Hmm not really”, San retorts and twirls one of her hair strands around his pointer finger, “Just thinking about whether I should take you to my house or fuck you right here” he bites the skin between the base of her neck and her shoulder, eliciting a lewd moan from her lips. 

“But then again, a pretty little girl like you doesn’t deserve to be taken in a filthy restroom, am I right?” he asks rhetorically and the girl nods feverishly. He then pulls away and leads her out of the restroom and back to the table, giving her her stuff. 

“Let’s get out of here, shall we, sweetheart?” San smirks and rushes out of the club with the girl, his friends completely forgotten.

The morning finds San in his familiar bed and shirtless, which is occupied only by him, no sight of the girl he brought over last night. He notices a small note with a lipstick mark on it, something scribbled on it. She probably left her number, he thinks and ignores it. He gets up and goes to the bathroom to freshen up a bit - yes, even demigods need a splash of water to wake up. As he feels the cold water splash on his skin, he lifts his head and looks at his reflection in the mirror. 

“Holy shit…” he mumbles, as he traces his hand over the very visible hickeys on his neck and the expanse of his chest. A cacophony of purple and red blotches covering his pale skin. 

“Damn, was she a vampire or something?” he continues and turns to see his back, covered in red streaks, probably nail scratches. San remembers and a smug smirk spreads on his lips. A string of whimpers, moans and screams, spilling from the girl’s lips, as he drove her over the edge last night, more than once.

What was even more fascinating is that he had zero sexual experience beforehand. Suddenly, he feels like a light bulb just lit up inside his brain.

Since when did I get so confident?

He tries to recall the sequence of the events that occured last night. 

When did it all start? As soon as I entered the club? No, I was too stiff. When I met Hak? Nope, I was kinda awkward at first. Ugh, think San, think-

His trail of thoughts is cut short by the sound of his ringing phone. He goes back to his bedroom and picks it up without a second thought.

“Hello?” 

“CHOI SAN, YOU FUCKING BITCH, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO LAST NIGHT?!” San winces at Wooyoung’s loud voice echoing through the speaker.

“Dude, it’s 9:30 in the morning, could you not scream into my ear?” he complains and he hears the familiar scoff of his friend. 

“Oh I’m sorry, your Highness, but that’s how I react when my bank account is fucking bleeding because a certain someone decided to drink his entire existence in the club!” Wooyoung snarls angrily and San is hit with a reality check. 

“How much did you guys pay?” he asks, voice laced with guilt. 

“You want the total amount or your share?”

“Option number two, please.”

“....210 bucks.” 

San chokes on thin air at the sound of the amount. 

“Just...how much did I drink last night?!”, he asks, completely mortified. 

“Hmm, let’s see… Definitely a bottle of whiskey, three plain vodka glasses and some rounds of shots. Although I lost count after the seventh one probably,’cause I was pretty much wasted” Wooyoung explains. 

“Oh my God, why the fuck didn’t you stop me?!”

“I dunno bro, you were having the time of your life, even Haknyeon was amused.”

And then it clicked. San’s eyes went wide from the realization.

“Hey Woo?”

“Yes, San?”

“What do you mean by having the time of my life?”

“Which part of the sentence exactly did you not understand?”

“Let me rephrase the question: When did it actually start?”

“Uhhh, around the time you started downing alcohol like it was water? I can’t remember much, but you looked like you could take over the world, man.”

 San feels like he’s about to lose his mind. 

“Woo, I gotta go, talk to you later bro.”

“What the f-” Wooyoung doesn’t get to finish his sentence as San has already hung up.

He rushes to the kitchen and rummages the cupboards, searching for any trace of alcohol. His mind is racing with all the possible scenarios playing out in his head. He manages to find a can of beer and he runs back to the bathroom, the can still in his hand. His eyes drift between the mirror and the can, hesitant to take the next step.

He takes a deep breath to calm down and pops the beer can open. 

“Okay, here goes nothing…” he mutters and gulps down the beer. He slams the empty can on the bathroom counter and he breathes heavily. He looks at his reflection and his eyes are blown wide as he witnesses the hickeys on his body slowly fade away, his smooth skin now back to its original state. San threads his fingers in his silky hair and starts laughing almost like a lunatic. It all made sense now - the surge of confidence, the crazy stamina and now the fading hickeys. 

He isn’t just immune to the effects of alcohol, it makes him stronger.

San is lost in a euphoric daze, he wants to scream, let the whole world know the power he holds. He’s snapped out of it once his phone screen lights up, a message from Changbin in their group chat.

binniebinniechangbinnie: Yo losers, I’m gonna be the dj at Noir Club next Thursday, wanna join???

yeonjun choimbell: DUDE I’M DOWN

San grins evilly and starts typing back.

mountainchoi: Count me in too bro

jungsexywoo: how kind of you to grace us with your presence mr. Choi

jungsexywoo: AFTER HANGING UP ON MY FACE-

mountainchoi: IT WAS AN EMERGENCY, OKAY?

yeonjun choimbell: yeah emergency *snorts*

mukhaknyeon: all good bro? you kinda disappeared last night-

mountainchoi: yeah, thanks for asking and sorry :’)

jungsexywoo: yeah, disappeared to GET HIS DICK WET

jungsexywoo: AND DIDN’T EVEN PAY FOR THE DRINKS

mountainchoi: I’LL MAKE AMENDS, OKAY?

yeonjun choimbell: are you paying for everything on Thursday then-

mountainchoi: yes.

binniebinniechangbinnie: WAIT-

jungsexywoo: FOR REAL????

mukhaknyeon: damn, that’s some real ass flex bro 

jungsexywoo: you better not disappear again or i’ll rip your balls off-

mountainchoi: i swear on the whiskey i drank last night

yeonjun choimbell: OH FUCK HE’S SERIOUS

binniebinniechangbinnie: BRO I’MMA RESERVE THE BEST TABLE FOR YA

mukhaknyeon: We wouldn’t have it any other way ;)

jungsexywoo: OH MY GOD WE’RE GETTING WASTED BITCHES🤪

mountainchoi: damn right we are😏

San closes his phone, a wide Cheshire-like smirk spreading on his lips, his mind already racing with the endless possibilities that could take place on Thursday. 

And boy, he was in for a treat from Fate herself.

“Come on Y/N, please, just this once!” your best friend Yeji begs, but you still hold your ground. 

“Hwang Yeji, I love you, you’re my best friend, but I will not come to that godforsaken club!” you deadpan and she whines. 

“But whyyy?”

“Because I don’t like clubs and you’re asking me to come with you on a THURSDAY NIGHT” you add, punctuating the last two words by furiously typing on your keyboard. 

“Can you at least pay even the miniscule attention to me or is that essay of yours more important than ME?” Yeji mocks and you glare at her. 

“Of course you’re important to me, but I’m afraid that if I don’t hand in this essay by the end of the next week, I’m doomed” you complain. 

“That’s exactly why I want you to come with me to the club!” she chirps and you grimace. 

“Are you trying to help or bring me closer to my doom?” 

“Oh just shut up and listen to me for once!” she smacks your head and you rub it in a soothing manner.

“You’ve been holed up in your room all this time, trying to keep up with your studies. I admire you for that, don’t get me wrong, but you need to live a little too!” she explains and you’re thrown into overthinking mode. 

“You’re not wrong, but still-”

“Ah ah ah! No buts, you’re coming to the party.” she slams her hand on the table and you flinch. 

“Yeji!”

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, you will come to Noir Club on Thursday night, even if I have to drag you out of your room! Not that I’ll have any problem with that since Giselle is coming too…” and your eyes widen at the mention of your roommate’s name.

 “Giselle is coming with you?!”

“Yes, and so will you”. 

“...Will there be good music at least?” you ask sheepishly and Yeji’s foxy eyes light up. 

“IS THAT A YES?!”

“Answer the question, Yeji.”

“Do you know Seo Changbin from the Arts department?” 

“Yeah, he’s friends with Jisung, why do you ask?” you raise an eyebrow. 

“He will be the DJ of the night” and your eyes perk up. 

“Hmm, interesting” you mumble and Yeji smirks. 

“Oh? Now you’re interested? Bitch, do you have the hots for Bin?!” she nudges your arm playfully and you swat her away. 

“No you idiot, I’m hoping that Jisung might be there too, it will make the party a bit more bearable.”

“Boo you wh-”

“Don’t you dare say it.” you threaten her and she raises her arms in defense. 

“Well, my job here is done, you’re free to continue your pitiful essay, see ya on Thursday night!” she waves cheekily.

“We see each other every day, you dumbass!”, you yell.

“Yeah, but you don’t count as a human with these clothes!” she yells back and you gasp, making her laugh. 

I’ll show you, you minx, just you wait until Thursday, you think.

Thursday night came around and you were contemplating on your outfit, standing completely clueless in front of your open closet. 

“What the fuck does someone wear at a club?!” you whine helplessly and your roommate Giselle peeks her head through your room. 

“Need help?” she asks. 

“Yes please, I’m lost here” you huff in defeat and she skips happily next to you.

“There is one basic rule when it comes to club parties - the flashier, the better” she grins and you grimace. 

“You just said that to a minimalist, Gi.”

“Geez, Y/N, don’t be such a buzzkill. Besides, there must be something in your wardrobe suitable enough for tonight” she adds as she rummages through the hangers. 

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in there” you mumble and you hear an obnoxious gasp from Giselle. 

“Then what is THIS?!” she squeals as she gazes over a black velvet slip dress, one that you hadn’t worn in a long time. 

“Y/N, this is it, you must wear this!” she hands it over to you and you look at it, smile slowly fading away at the memories coursing through your mind.

It was a gift from him, for your 21st birthday. It was also his last gift.

“I’m sorry Giselle, but I cannot wear this dress” you put it back into the closet.

 “But… why not? It’s the most beautiful dress you have and you look amazing in it” she slightly frowns. 

“That’s exactly why I can’t wear it” you reply and Giselle gives you a sad smile and hugs you softly. 

“I know you miss him, bubs, we all do. But he would never want you to be sad” she states and you wrap your arms around her tight, fully knowing she is right.

He loved seeing you happy, no matter the reason.

“I hate you when you’re all wise and shit” you grunt and she laughs. 

“Now now, we should get ready for the club, the last thing I want is Yeji yelling at me for standing her up” Giselle rolls her eyes playfully and you both scramble to get ready.

You should have refused.

You knew it was a terrible idea, yet you joined them, in hopes to have fun. The club was booming from the loud music, people of all ages either half-drunk or stupid enough to grind on each other on the dance floor. This was already a waste of time and you couldn’t believe you actually got all dressed up just to see this. The thought of watching Netflix back in your room curled up in your blankets crossed your mind. 

Giselle and Yeji, on the other hand, were having the time of their life - They were on the podium next to Changbin, who was excitedly chatting with them. You could spot a group of boys behind him, probably his group of friends who reserved the best spot - the perks of being the DJ of the night, you thought, as you sipped on your Aperol.

If there’s one thing you were actually enjoying, it was your drink.

Your eyes mindlessly drifted around the club again, only to lock eyes with a boy around your age from the familiar loud group. You swore you could feel the intensity from his piercing gaze on your skin. You break off the eye-contact in a split-second, not wanting to seem obnoxious. You really wanted to get out of here.

Why did I agree to this? Why did I dress like that? I shouldn’t have worn heels, dammit-

“Hey.”

Your trail of thoughts is cut short by a smooth voice behind you and to your dismay, you turn around to see the same boy who was looking at you not a while ago. Although the word ‘boy’ definitely fails to describe him.

Short, black hair slicked back with gel showing his undercut, high cheekbones and a jawline sharp enough to cut diamonds, a crimson crushed velvet suit framing his toned body. He was wearing only a vest under the jacket, no undershirt and you could spot the black swirling ink creeping from his collarbones, seemingly in the shape of roses. He screamed danger, everything about him was a red flag.

“I saw you looking earlier.” he muses and you sip your drink. 

“So were you.”you bite back and he smiles.

“It would be rude of me to ignore a beautiful presence here” 

“Is that what you tell every girl you lay your eyes on?”

“Only the interesting ones.”

“So you admit I’m interesting?”

“You’ll get even more interesting if you tell me your name.”

Damn, was he smooth. 

“Y/N.” you give out your hand and he flashes a sultry smirk. 

“Choi San, delighted to make your acquaintance, Y/N.” he takes your hand and presses a soft kiss on the back, giving you a sly wink. 

“An Aperol? You must be a lightweight” he states.

“Not really, just.... not a fan of heavy alcohol” you deadpan. 

“You don’t look like you’re having fun, unlike your friends over there” and he nods over to Yeji and Giselle who now dance with some of San’s friends.

“They dragged me here, I had no intention of coming… here” you grimace and he chuckles. 

“And what if I told you that I can make your night more interesting?” he asks and you raise an eyebrow to his suggestion. 

“And what could you possibly have in mind?” you ask.

“Let’s go to my house and you’ll see” he whispers suggestively and your murderous instincts come out. You start chuckling, running a hand through your hair and swirling your drink with the other. In a split second, you dropped your happy facade and with that, your Aperol on San’s velvet suit. 

He gasps with a laugh as you storm out of the club, your night completely ruined. He turns towards his friends who are left stunned at what happened. Yeji and Giselle rush to catch up with you, heels clicking on the pavement.

“Y/N, wait! Stop running!” Yeji shouts and you turn around to see your friends panting from running. 

“What happened back there?” Giselle asks, visibly worried. 

“What happened is that I should have stayed home and not come to this fucking hellhole!” you yell. 

“Honey, please calm down-”

“Calm down?! Yeji, are you fucking kidding me?! An entitled asshole just tried to take me back to his house, thinking he was some random hook-up!” 

“Y/N, listen to me-”

“No, I’m sorry, but this is too much. I just… I just want to go home” you choke back a sob. Giselle and Yeji look at each other and they nod. “Are you two onto something here?” you ask sheepishly. 

“Nothing serious, just contemplating what we should eat for take out” Giselle smiles and the three of you laugh. 

“Come on, let’s go home” Yeji says and you walk back home with your friends.

“Dude, what the fuck was that?!” Wooyoung wheezes and Haknyeon glares at him. 

“Okay, but seriously, San, what happened?” he asks, but his question falls on deaf ears. 

“San?” Changbin waves his hand in front of San’s face, but without effect. 

“Oh God, he’s broken” Yeonjun facepalms. 

“Y/N, huh….” San mutters as his brain replays your eventful meeting. 

“Did you say something, bro?” Changbin asks and the rest of the boys turn their heads to San. 

“That girl… is really something, isn’t she?” he says with an interested smile. 

“Uh, which one? I danced with at least four” Wooyoung snorts. 

“He’s asking about the girl who turned him down, bitch” Haknyeon smacks Wooyoung and he whines, rubbing his head. 

“Oh, you mean Y/N?” Changbin perks up at the mention of your name. 

“You know her?!” San almost leaps on his friend and he’s taken aback. 

“Y-yeah, she’s friends with a friend of mine from university” Changbin says and San’s eyes light up at the opportunity of seeing you again. San looks at Changbin with puppy eyes, practically begging him and it doesn’t take more than 5 seconds to realize his ulterior motive. 

“No.” 

“But why?!” San whines, “This might be the only chance I’ll ever have!”

“I know, but I cannot let you be ridiculed like that again, bro” Changbin deadpans. 

“Ouch” Yeonjun mumbles and San sends him a death glare. 

“What Bin is trying to say is that he doesn’t want to see his friend getting heartbroken” Haknyeon explains. 

“I don’t care.” San blurts out, “I want to see her.”

“Are you sure about this? I mean it’s easy for-” 

“I said I want to see her” he nearly growls and the boys are taken aback. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this determined before, Sannie” Wooyoung pipes up, “I definitely don’t want to miss this” he smiles in a flamboyant way. 

“Just say that you want to see Yeji again” Yeonjun smirks and Wooyoung grimaces to the black-haired model. 

“Ugh, I have classes tomorrow, but I’mma skip ‘cause there’s no way I’ll be able to wake up” Changbin rubs his temples, “So yeah, if you want to see Y/N, you gotta wait a bit, bro.”

“It’s okay Bin, I can wait...Perhaps it’s better that way” San mutters, already anticipating your future meeting.

Tuesday, 10:30 AM.

“Ugh, finally, this class is over!” Giselle squeals triumphantly and you roll your eyes at her. 

“You love Ancient Greek History so much, don’t you?”

“I don’t hate it, but when it’s a two hour long lecture and I haven’t had a single sip of coffee? No thank you” she laughs. 

“Now that you mention it, wanna stop by the cafeteria?” you ask and Giselle lights up at your suggestion. 

“You are doing me a huge favor right now bestie” she hugs you. 

“I wanna go to the cafeteria too, Jisung sent me a message he’ll be there” you say. 

“Ohhh, so that’s why you want to go… Sneaky bitch” Giselle smirks. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t see Jisung that way?! He’s just a friend!” you grimace. 

“Yeah yeah, sure thing, Y/N~” she sing-songs. 

A few minutes later, you push the familiar glass door and you see your friend Jisung sitting on a table on his own, headphones connected to his phone, humming an unfamiliar tune. You and Giselle sit down and he cracks a beaming smile once he sees you. 

“Oh! Hi girls, how you doin’?” Jisung asks happily.

“I’ll be fine once I drink coffee” Giselle groans.

“Don’t mind her, we had a two-hour lecture on Ancient Greek History” you explain. 

“Oof, that’s harsh” Jisung grimaces, “But it’s over now and you can enjoy your break time, right?”

“Couldn’t agree more. By the way, why are you here on your own?” Giselle asks.

“Oh, I’m actually waiting for Changbin, he said he’ll drop by with two of his friends” he replies and you exchange questioning glances with your roommate.

“Do you know them?”

“Nope, I’m as clueless as you are” he pouts, “Anyways, I’m going to the counter, three iced americanos?” and both of you nod in unison. 

As soon as Jisung leaves the table, you turn to Giselle, who tries to read  your expression. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” you ask. 

“If you’re thinking about the possibility of Changbin’s hot fuckboy gang showing up, the answer is yes” she smirks. 

“You’re happy?!”, you whisper-yell.

“What if that asshole comes here?!” 

“Y/N, calm down, the chances of him showing up here are miniscule. If anything, he looks like the type to hang around fancy places and the university cafeteria is not one of them. Besides, his other friends weren’t so bad, especially Haknyeon, he’s really cute-”

“You think I’m cute?” an unfamiliar voice asks behind you and you turn around to see a very handsome boy around your age, smiling towards a furiously blushing Giselle. 

“Uh, um, I- yes, I think... you’re... cute… I guess” she fiddles with her hair and the pretty boy cracks a beaming smile. 

“You’re really cute too, Giselle”

“You remember me?!” she squeals and you choke back a laugh. 

“Yes, I do, I actually asked you for your social media” he rubs his neck and Giselle gasps in realization. 

“Oh my God, you’re right! I’m so stupid” she facepalms and Haknyeon laughs.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay! Although I don’t remember meeting your friend back in the club” he turns his attention to you. 

“I… left earlier that night, I wasn’t feeling very well. I’m Y/N, by the way, it’s nice to meet you, Haknyeon” you smile sheepishly and his eyes shoot up at your name. 

“No way! It’s you! You’re the girl that-”

“You guys know each other?” Jisung shows up with the iced americanos, Changbin by his side. 

“We sort of met last Thursday at the club I was DJing for” the black haired male pipes up.

”Aw shit, I wish I could have come, bro” Jisung whines while sipping on his coffee.

“Yeah, me too” you mumble, reviving the sour memories. 

“Why do you say that, Y/N? Didn’t you have fun?” he asks. 

“An asshole wanted to take her back to his house and fuck her like some cheap whore” Giselle spits and Haknyeon and Changbin exchange worried glances, knowing full well that within seconds, the quiet cafeteria will most likely turn into a warzone. 

“Can we please not talk about it? The last thing I want right now is to talk about him” you grit through your teeth. 

“And who might that be?”

You freeze in your spot, the familiar voice sending a chill down your spine - not the pleasant kind. You turn your head towards Changbin and behind him stands your worst nightmare in the face of none other than Choi San himself. He locks eyes with you and you swore you saw a strange glint flash momentarily. Giselle was shocked, frozen next to you, Haknyeon and Changbin having regret written all over their faces. Your fight-or-flight instincts kick in and you pick up your bag, rushing out of the door without a word, leaving everyone behind completely baffled. 

“Y/N!” you hear San’s voice call to you and you speed up, not wanting to face him, but to your dismay, he’s fast enough to catch up to you and grab your wrist. 

“What the hell do you want from me?!” you yell and pull back your wrist aggressively. 

“I just want to talk to you! Is that so bad?” he retorts and you scoff. 

"What could I possibly have in common to discuss with the likes of you?" you spit with a venomous tone and San is taken aback by your aggressive tone.

He takes a step closer and pulls you, his breath fanning over your cheeks, too close for comfort. 

"You know nothing about me, so you better not make assumptions about me, sweetheart" and he punctuates the pet name, making your breath hitch. He notices and smirks smugly as he lets you go. 

"For someone who hates people like me, you get way too bothered when I call you that, don't you now, Y/N"

"Of course I get bothered when a scum like you calls me what Yun- calls me that" you correct mid-sentence and San raises a questioning eyebrow, but lets it slide for now. 

“Whatever makes your boat float, love. I just wanted to apologize to you and perhaps start over" he admits and you scoff.

"Yeah, in your dreams, asshole"

"My name is San"

"I don't fucking care" you spit and leave San behind, heading to your dorm. Fate really had a peculiar way of playing with you. 

"San!" Changbin calls his friend, huffing in the meantime. 

"Did you talk to her?"

"Does calling me an asshole count?" San mutters in defeat and Changbin frowns. 

"Is it that bad?"

"Yep. And it doesn't seem like getting any better" he runs his hand through his hair. A chuckle escapes Changbin’s lips and San glares towards his friend. 

“What’s so funny?”

“You said you wanted to get under Y/N’s skin, but so far, it’s the other way around. And you seem to like it, loverboy”

“Shut the fuck up, Bin. And don’t call me loverboy!”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re so not in love with her.” 

San sends a death glare to his friend and walks back to the cafeteria without a word, leaving Changbin behind, who was rolling his eyes.

Tuesday, 11:00 PM.

You were beyond tired - physically and mentally. The lectures ended around 4 and as soon as you finished, you headed straight to the library and then back to your shared apartment. You had zero energy to deal with anything and anyone - especially after your encounter with San at the cafeteria.

“Could you at least explain what the hell happened back there?” Giselle asks and you try to find the right words to tell her as you fiddle with the hem of your shirt. 

“Remember the guy who followed me after I left the cafeteria?”

“Short black undercut, black v-neck sweater, rose tattoos on his collarbones? Yes, I most certainly do” she replies in full detail and you roll your eyes. 

“That was him”

“Him?”

“The guy who hit on me at the club last Thursday”

“WHAT?!” Giselle squeals from surprise.

“Welcome on planet Earth, enjoy your stay” you mock and she smacks your arm. 

“Okay damn, now I understand why you fled like that”

“Yeah, I still feel horrible about that” you mumble, “I ran without saying a word and left everyone behind thanks to that asshole”

“Handsome asshole-”

“Giselle!”

“Hey, he might be an asshole, but he’s drop dead hot, okay?” she retorts and you groan. 

“Anyways, why was he here?” your roommate asks and you huff. 

“Apparently, he wanted to apologize for his behaviour back in the club and he subtly hinted that he wants a second chance” you explain. 

“Okay, maybe he’s not a complete asshole-”

“He called me sweetheart.”

“Oh no, that’s code red”

“Exactly.”

A few seconds of silence pass and Giselle sits up, facing you. 

“What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to give him a second chance?”

“No.”

“You didn’t even think about it!” 

“Exactly, because there’s no way I’m wasting my time with someone like him” you state with certainty. 

“Well, it’s your decision and I respect it. But don’t you dare come to me when you fall for San” she warns. 

“Not happening!” you yell back.

“Thanks for staying tonight Woo” San says to his friend as he brings a blanket and a pillow, placing them on the couch. 

“Don’t even mention it, it’s the least I could do after not keeping my promise to be your wingman” Wooyoung admits with a hint of guilt. 

“Even if you did, I don’t think the situation would have turned out any better” San frowns and his friend’s eyes widen. He then skips to the kitchen, rummaging the cupboards for a few seconds and he returns with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. 

“Really now?”

“Did you really think you would tell me what happened without drinking alcohol?” Wooyoung deadpans. 

“Bro, we’re wearing sweats.”

“Your point being, Sannie?”

“I hate you, Wooyoung”

“I love you too. Now start talking” Wooyoung snickers as he pours the whiskey into the glasses and hands the one to San, clinking them in the process. 

A couple of glasses and an empty whiskey bottle later, Wooyoung is left utterly dumbfounded, still trying to process San’s story. 

“To summarize, you’re telling me that you went to the campus, found Y/N, you tried to apologize and she shut you down?”

“Yep” San replies, punctuating the ‘p’. 

“Damn bro, you are in for a ride with this one”

“I didn’t expect that either, to be honest. But it won’t be long before she falls for me” San takes a sip from his glass. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure, dude. Don’t take this the wrong way, but from what you told me and from Changbin’s info, dear Y/N is not your local fuck-of-the-night girl. Hell, she’s even a History major or something” Wooyoung throws his hands in the air from frustration, all while San is completely frozen in his spot. 

“A history major?”

“Oh please, don’t ask for details, I have half a brain right now” Wooyoung whines, “Can we just… go to sleep for now?”

“Sounds like a good idea”, San agrees.

“Goodnight, San.”

“Goodnight, Wooyoung.”

Later that night.....

Your skin was flushed, a thin layer of sweat covering your body,  his lips creating a symphony of red and purple patterns, a blank canvas now slowly turning into his favorite masterpiece. Your whimpers and airy moans sound like Apollo’s music, if not better. Your hands search for his own, eyes seething with a mixture of lust and need. His name is rolling from your lips like a prayer. 

“San…”

“...San, buddy, wake up! San!”

San lurches forward, drenched in sweat and panting heavily, eyes blown wide. 

“Dude, are you okay?!” Wooyoung puts his hands on San’s shoulders. 

“W-water…” San mutters and the other male runs to the kitchen, returning with a glass full of water a few seconds later. San grabs the glass and downs it in one go, gasping loudly. 

“Was it a nightmare?” Wooyoung asks. 

“N-Not exactly…”, San mutters, “I saw her, Woo.” 

“Her?”

A few seconds of silence pass and Wooyoung realizes who San is referring to.

“You dreamt of Y/N?”

“Yes, I fucking did!” San whines and runs his hands through his black hair anxiously. 

“Bro, calm down, it was just a dream!”

“No, I can’t fucking calm down Woo! This was not supposed to happen!”

“San, you just saw a dream about a girl you l-”

“Don’t you dare complete the sentence” San threatens with a raised finger. 

“Or what? You’ll punish me?” Wooyoung taunts. 

“Now is not the time for jokes,Woo”, San grits and his friend scoffs. 

“Why are you suddenly acting like this? A few days ago you were all puppy eyes to Bin in order to see Y/N again and now you’re in denial? Just admit you’ve fallen in love with her!”

San falls on his knees as the realization hits him like a ton of bricks and he can hear his father’s words echoing in his head.

“Do not fall in love with a human, or else you’ll be banished from Olympus forever.”

“No no no no no no!” he yells, gradually losing his temper, “This should have never happened to me!”

“What do you mean?! It happens to anyone, you idiot, you’re not special!”, Wooyoung yells back. 

“I am special and a human like you could never understand!” San snaps and the two-toned haired male is taken aback by his words.

“What the fuck did you say, Choi San?” he narrows his eyes towards San. 

“No, you motherfucker, you don’t get to be a self-entitled bitch, thinking you’re some sort of god and we’re suddenly lower than you!” Wooyoung growls.

“And what if I am?” San raises a partially mocking eyebrow. 

“What?”

“You heard me, Jung Wooyoung”

“Are you actually saying that you’re...a god?”

“Well, a demigod to be exact-”

“Cut the bullshit, are you drunk or something?!” Wooyoung yells in disbelief

“I cannot get drunk, even if I wanted to” San replies, “You should have noticed that by now.”

Wooyoung looks at San completely baffled, as he tries to understand whether his friend has gone insane or he’s actually telling the truth. However, he can’t help but think back to all the times they went out for drinks with the rest of the boys and every single time, San was the only fully sober one, despite drinking a dangerous amount of alcohol. 

“No, it can’t be… There has to be a logical explanation!” Wooyoung gasps and San goes to the kitchen and brings back a knife and a small bottle of what seems to look like vodka. 

“If the times we went out drinking doesn’t convince you, then this will.” He takes the knife in his hand and creates a cut on his left palm, blood starting to gush from the freshly opened wound. 

“San, are you insane?! Stop-”

“Watch.”

San opens the small vodka bottle and gulps it down instantly. Wooyoung watches as the bleeding cut on his friend’s palm completely heals in front of his eyes and the skin looks as good as new. He stumbles backwards in sheer horror, not being able to fully comprehend the situation at hand. 

“What kind of fucked up sorcery is this…?” he breathes heavily, “What are you?”

San takes a deep breath before explaining everything. 

“I’m a demigod, my father is the God of Wine and Feast, Dionysus and my mother is hu-”

“Get to the fucking point” Wooyoung grits his teeth and San continues. 

“Alcohol is the source of my power - healing, enhanced senses, all of that.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why didn’t you say anything, you asshole?!” Wooyoung yells. 

“I was fucking scared! Did you really think I could just waltz into someone’s life and be like ‘Hi my name is San and I’m a demigod’ as if it was the most normal thing in the world?!” the black-haired man yells back, “You would have run away in the blink of an eye!”

“No you asshole, I would never do that!”

“How can you be so sure about that?!”

“BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO! THEY TRUST EACH OTHER!”

“But.. you are my friend, Woo”

“Am I, San? ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like that’s the case any more” Wooyoung picks up his hoodie and throws it over his head haphazardly, picking up his stuff in a hurry, his hand on the doorknob. 

“I don’t intend on snitching you to the rest of the guys… But you better sort out your shit before it’s too late, San.”

And with that, he closes the door behind him, a deafening silence engulfing the living room. A single tear falls on San’s cheek and another one follows.

What have I done?

Wednesday, 6:00 PM.

It has been three weeks since San and Wooyoung had their fight and to San's dismay, it had affected the rest of the boys as well. They had grown distant over the days, with the exception of Haknyeon actually trying to patch up things between the two, even if he didn't know the real reason behind their argument. Yeonjun was too caught up in his own business, his schedule fully packed with photoshoots and Changbin had to catch up with his own classes.

Hence why San is sitting alone in the diner, a bowl of ramen in front of him long abandoned. The last few weeks had been rough on him and it was quite visible on his appearance - his hair covering his forehead, not in the usual slicked back style, a pair of black sweats and a grey hoodie, his outfit being a sheer contrast to his usual style. His eyes had visible bags due to the lack of sleep - partially because of you constantly appearing in his dreams, whether you were just there or underneath him.

As if on cue, he hears the door jingle open and his attention is momentarily on you entering the diner alone, a couple of thick books on your right arm. He couldn't help but stare at you, even your slightly disheveled hair due to the chilly breeze looking prettier than Aphrodite's hair. You place the books on an empty table with a soft thud and sit down, waiting for a waiter to take your order, as you open the books to start your assignments. San hears the short conversation between the waiter and you, his mind wandering, completely missing your surprised look when you spot him across your table. He subconsciously turns his head when he finally meets your frozen gaze and he's left stunned as well. Instinctively, he throws a pair of dollars on the table and rushes out of the diner. 

"Hey, wait!" you yell at him but your plea falls on deaf ears, as San runs on the pavement, making a sharp turn to cross the road ahead. He doesn't even look at the sideways and steps on the road, completely ignoring the incoming truck. Despite the constant honking of the truck driver, San is lost in his own world, not paying attention to the traffic ahead. You watch as the truck inches closer and closer to San in front of your eyes and the painful memories of your boyfriend's death cross your mind. 

No, not again!, your brain screams and in the blink of an eye, your body lurches forward, pulling San back at the last minute and you stumble back on the pavement, your back flat on the ground and San on top of you. It takes him a couple of seconds to realize he’s laying on top of you, your face morphed in a scowl, due to pain and fear. He looks at you with wide eyes and gets up immediately, helping you get up as well. 

“Are you o- Ow!” and he’s cut off by a sharp punch on his chest - your punch, specifically. 

“Are you fucking insane?! What the hell was that for?! You could have been dead by now!” you scream at him, a stray tear running down your cheek out of frustration. 

“I… I.. don’t know…” San admits breathlessly and you drag him back into the diner, away from the slowly forming crowd around you.

Fifteen minutes later, you’re still sitting at the same table with a very much silent San, who is drenched in cold sweat, mostly because this is the closest and most civil encounter the two of you have had so far. You break the awkward silence by exhaling and straightening your posture, as you close your books and divert your attention to the black-haired male in front of you. 

"Genuinely asking: What the fuck was that?" you deadpan and San looks at you with wide eyes. 

"You mean almost getting hit by a truck? 'Cause I most certainly don't know what the fuck was that either" he lets out a nervous laugh. 

"I'm talking about you storming out of the diner as if you saw a ghost"

"Oh, that. Um…" he scratches the back of his neck. 

"Are you stalking me, Choi San?"

"What? No!"

"Then why did you run?"

"Because I got scared!" he blurts out and a hint of red appears on his ears. 

"May I ask why you got scared?" you lean forward. 

"Oh I don't know, maybe because every time we meet, you're on my fucking throat?" he retorts with a braver tone. 

"Oh really? And whose fault is that? Because last time I checked, I wasn't the one who behaved like an asshole!"

"I told you again, I'm sorry about that night! Is it so hard for you to give me a second chance?!" San's tone coming off a bit more pleading than he intended, "Unless…"

"Unless what?" you glare at him.

“Unless you have a boyfriend.”

Oh boy.

You feel your chest tighten, but your pride is better than that and you carry on the conversation. 

"What makes you think I have a boyfriend?"

"I didn't dwell on it much last time, but the way you reacted when I called you sweetheart and how your tongue almost slipped out his name is pretty much enough to explain the situation" San explains, his expression remaining the same. 

“I can’t believe I’m actually discussing this with you” you scoff. 

“And what exactly did you want us to discuss, Y/N?”

“For starters, a ‘thank you’ would be very much appreciated” you sneer. 

“Thank you for saving me, Y/N” San replies dryly, “I’m still wondering about one thing though - if you say you don’t want to be associated with someone like me, why did you save me in the first place?” he adds. 

That previous feeling returns in your chest stronger than before.

“I saved you because I have basic human conscience! I may dislike you, but I would never let you die. Besides, there are people who would actually miss you if you were to die” you state. 

“Then why did you cry when you pulled me back?”

Well shit.

“I… It was out of frustration, obviously! It’s not like I see people running in the middle of the road, about to get hit by a damn truck!” you blurt out, hoping to convince San. 

“I’m not trying to guilt-trip you, Y/N, I just want to know the reason why you saved me. And I have a feeling you aren’t telling me the truth right now” he retorts. You clench your jaw and it doesn’t go unnoticed by San. A shaky breath escapes from your lips and you try to calm yourself down. 

“If it’s something you cannot tell me, I respect that. It wasn’t my intention to make you uncomfortable” he admits with guilt. 

“God, why are you like this?” you huff in annoyance and San tilts his head sideways. 

“What do you mean ‘like this’?”

“Why are you so goddamn honest?”

“I don’t see the reason in lying anyways” San says, his words leaving a bitter aftertaste, as he remembers Wooyoung’s words during their fight. 

“I guess it can’t be helped, huh” you sigh in defeat and take a deep breath before speaking up.

“A while ago you said that I probably have a boyfriend, correct?”

“Yes, I did” 

“Well, that was partially true”

“Partially?”

“Yeah, because he’s still my boyfriend, in a way… Just...not here anymore” you rub your knuckles nervously. It takes San a few seconds to realize the true meaning behind your words and his gaze darkens in a sorrowful way. He makes a move to take your hand in his, in an attempt to comfort you, but as his fingertips brush over your soft skin, an array of images flash before his own eyes, a film of your own memories. 

A tall boy, with pastel blue hair and a smile as bright as the Sun, pulling you by your hand, as you run across a beach, the two of you riding his bike on the streets of Itaewon, eating ice cream together and him giving you your birthday present, a beautiful black velvet dress.

The same dress you wore when you met each other that night.

San felt an unfamiliar, painful sting in his chest, as if Artemis had pierced his heart with one of her golden arrows. 

He was jealous. And he hated it.

"What was his name?" he asks, choking back a sob and you look at him, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. 

"Jeong Yunho" the name of your late boyfriend leaving a bittersweet taste on your lips. 

God, even his name has a sweet ring to it, San thinks and he retracts his hand out of shame. 

"He was on his way to the campus, he woke up late and he was trying to get to class on time. He had taken his bike and he was pedalling through the road. He was always a very careful one, always checking the traffic lights and incoming vehicles. But that one time, that one fucking time - he didn't check. And he got hit by a truck" you sob while unfolding the story in front of San. 

"He was already dead when they brought him to the hospital, he was barely recognizable" you add, tears freely running down your cheeks, your voice now trembling. 

"Do you understand now why I saved you, San?" you ask him and he can't bring himself to form a suitable answer, the words dying in his throat. Instead, he lets his own tears speak as well. 

"I'm sorry, I have to go" you blurt as you wipe your tears with the back of your hand and pick up your stuff in a haste, leaving the diner and San behind. He drops his head between his hands and he notices the book on the table, the same one you were reading before the incident. Shoot, she must have forgotten it when she picked up her stuff. His curiosity gets the better of him and he opens the book, his eyes shooting up in surprise at the contents of the book. 

"Ancient Greek History and Myths?" he says and runs through the pages, carefully reading all your side notes and comments on each page. 

"Damn, she's so fucking smart...Why is she so smart?!" he whines in defeat. Even if he had a clear advantage on the field as a demigod who lived his entire life next to the Olympians themselves, he couldn't help but admire your passion and knowledge on the subject. 

"You really are testing me, aren't you?" San nods to the sky through the window of the diner, most likely picturing his father watching over him with a half amused, half worried smile on his face.

You return to your shared apartment in a pitiful state, eyes red and puffy from crying, your entire body aching from running all the way back home from the diner. You try to wipe them, smoothing over your hair and clothes and making yourself look presentable, not wanting to worry Giselle.

You click the door open and see your roommate laugh with a cute guy on the couch - Haknyeon, to be exact.

"Hey, stop it! You're too fun- Oh, hey Y/N, you're home!" she jumps from the couch and pulls you in a hug. 

"Hey, Gi, hi Haknyeon" you show a tight-lipped smile. She pulls back and studies your face for a few seconds. 

"Baby, is everything okay? You look exhausted."

"Don't worry, I'm okay, just beat up my brain too much" you laugh nervously, but you don't seem to have convinced Giselle. 

"I think I should get going, it's getting kinda late" Haknyeon clears his throat and smiles towards you, noticing the mood change. 

"Wanna walk you down the entrance?" Giselle pouts and the boy laughs, kissing her cheek. 

"No need, honey. Goodnight ladies, I'll see you around" and he waves goodbye, closing the door behind him.

"And now it's you and me" Giselle turns around and looks at you sternly, "You better start talking before I make you"

"...Didn't hide it well, did I?" you admit with guilt and plop down on the couch in defeat. 

"Nope, you're too honest to lie about your mood, Y/N" she smiles softly while rubbing your arm soothingly. 

“I saw San today.”

"What?!" her eyes go wide with shock. 

"He just happened to be at the same place I was studying! He was so shocked when he saw me and he literally ran away" you explain. Your mind goes back to the moment you pulled him away from the road and your hand starts trembling. 

"Y/N? What is going on, why are you trembling? You're scaring me" she holds your hands in hers. Your pent up emotions break free and so do the sobs from your mouth.

"H-He almost got hit by a truck today and I saved him at the last minute. I-I don't know what got into me, I saw him running and it, it…"

"Yes?"

"It was Yunho all over again, Gi. It felt like a deja vu"

"Oh, sweetheart…" Giselle wraps her arms around you and you cling onto her for dear life. Your phone rings abruptly and you see an unfamiliar number calling you. 

“I don’t want to pick it up”, you say. 

“Why not? It could be Yeji calling, her phone could have died from low battery” your roommate replies and you end up picking up the call.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hi, Y/N. It’s San”

“San? How did you find my number?” you ask and Giselle’s ears perk up. 

“I-I got it from Changbin weeks ago”

“You- Nevermind. What is it?”

“Um, you forgot your book on the table when you were picking up your stuff" he says and you rummage through your bag, noticing that your book was indeed missing. 

“Shit, you’re right” you admit, slapping your forehead. 

“I can bring it to you if you want to”

“Uh, um… Can you come tomorrow at 11 AM at the university cafeteria and meet me there?” you ask, trying to push Giselle away, who has been glued to your head for the past minutes. 

“Sure, I’ll be there” San replies. 

“Hey, Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

“Thank you” he says softly and your breath hitches. 

“Good night, San” and you end the call, letting out the breath you were holding.

 “What did he say? Where did he find your number? Are you meeting?! Tell me tell me tell meeeee” Giselle bombards you with questions. 

“I won’t tell you anything until you calm down!” you chastise her. 

“He has my history book, which I fucking forgot, he found my number through Changbin and he’s coming tomorrow at the campus to give me said book” you explain in one go and Giselle gasps.

“Oh my God, a date!”

“SHUT UP, GI!”, you start chasing her around the house, your voices drowning out any other sound.

Sounds, like Haknyeon’s footsteps skipping down the stairs.

“God, please forgive my actions, it’s all for a good cause, I swear” he mutters under his breath, “Make this work and I swear I won’t touch alcohol for the next three months” he prays as he exits the dorm.

Thursday, 11:00 AM.

You check your watch for the time as you wait for San to appear, anxiously bouncing your leg under the table. “Where are you, Choi San…”, you mutter, mindlessly checking your phone. As if on cue, the front door bell jingles, and San comes inside, holding your book in his arms. He spots you and walks over to your table. 

“Hi”

“Hey there. Wanna sit down?” you nod to the seat across you and San slides into the chair. 

“Um, here’s your book” he awkwardly pushes the book to your side. 

“Thanks a lot, you’re a lifesaver” you smile. 

“I could say the same thing for you” San jokes and you snort, his lips twitching in a smile, his attempt to break the ice ending up successful.

“Wow, I actually made you smile, huh” he comments and you look at him with an unreadable expression. 

“Wow, you’re actually not a total asshole, huh” you cross your arms in front of your chest with a smirk. 

“Touché” he fakes a gasp and you laugh. 

“Does that mean you’ve forgiven me about that night?”

“Perhaps. I mean, look, I’ve already saved your life and we’re actually talking without being at each other’s throats” you state and San scoffs lightly, “For real though, if someone saw us, they would either boo us or clown us until we die.”

“Not that you can actually die…” you whisper under your breath. 

“Hm? Did you say something?” San asks you. 

“Oh, I said that Giselle will definitely clown me until I die” you chuckle nervously. 

“Oh, you mean your roommate?” 

“Yeah, her lovingly annoying ass” you roll your eyes. 

“Better not say that in front of Hak, though” San runs his hand through his silky black hair. 

“If you’re trying to say that Haknyeon likes Giselle, there’s no need, because he-”

“He was at your dorm last night?” he completes your sentence. 

“Yeah. Wait, how do you know that?” you raise your eyebrow in question. 

“Uh, we um.... talked before he left his house” he lies awkwardly.

“Oh okay, that makes sense”

You hear a tapping noise close to your head and see Jisung outside of the window, signalling you to come out. 

"Shoot!" you exclaim, as if you just remembered something very important. San looks at your friend, his gut slightly churning. 

"Sorry, San, I gotta go" you say apologetically. 

"No, no! It's okay, don't apologize!" he says with a forced smile. 

"Thanks, San" you smile back and run towards the door. 

"Hey, Y/N!" he calls to you one last time,

"What is it?"

"9:30 PM, Dejà Vu bar, on Saturday!" he says and you look at him with a grin.

 "See you then!" you shout back.

You exit the cafeteria and greet Jisung with a hug and set off together. 

“Hey, what was that?” he asks you and points towards the table you were sitting with San. 

“What are you talking about?” you ask him innocently. 

“Oh come on, Y/N, don’t play dumb with me. I saw you talking with him!” Jisung scoffs, his hands resting on his waist. 

“I was just talking with him, Ji, nothing dangerous….maybe arranging a meet-up with him…” you trail off, lowering your voice and trying to hide your beaming smile.

To your dismay, Jisung heard your entire sentence.

“Excuse me? What did you say? Come again?” he squints his eyes at you, raising his eyebrow simultaneously. 

“Uhh, I said I was just nothing-”

“Not that part, Y/N” he deadpans and you feel cold sweat run down your neck.

 “Okay, fine, I have a date with San on Saturday night!” you blurt out and Jisung scrunches his face in disgust. 

“You..have a date with San…on Saturday night” he repeats. 

“Yep” you confirm, popping the last letter. 

“With the same guy who literally wanted to fuck you at first sight”

“He apologised numerous times!”

“He’s still an asshole, Y/N!”

“I thought so too at first, but he might not be as bad as I thought” you admit, reminiscing about your past encounters with San. 

“I…I just hope you know what you’re doing, Y/N. I don’t want you to get hurt”

Jisung slightly puffs his cheeks, rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

“Thank you, Jisung. I really appreciate you caring about me” you smile softly at him and pull him in a hug. 

“Of course I do, you dumbass. That’s what friends do” he mumbles back, giggling in his embrace. 

“Come on, we have a class to attend”

“...Can we not?” Jisung grins in anticipation.

“Jisung” you deadpan.

“Ugh, fine, you buzzkill” he groans in response, the both of you sprinting towards the class, hoping you wouldn’t be late.

Saturday, 9:00 PM.

You alternate between your closet and the bathroom every two minutes, bringing your hair stylers and makeup supplies, trying to match the hairstyle you want with the makeup. It has been quite a while since the last time you went on a date and you can already feel the panic reach the logical hemisphere of your brain.

“Can you please calm down? It’s just a date!” Yeji crosses her arms in slight annoyance. 

“It’s not just a date, Yeji. It’s my first date in ages!” you yell back from the bathroom, trying to blend your eyeshadow as evenly as you can. 

“She’s right, Yeji. Please show some sympathy” she seemingly coos and you mentally thank her for taking your side. 

“After all,  Y/N just wants to make a good impression on her crush!” she snickers like a demon. 

“You’re lucky I want to look good, or else I would have stabbed you in the eye with this!” you peek your head from the bathroom door, holding the eyeshadow brush in a threatening manner. 

“You’re awfully jittery tonight though, you really need to calm down” Giselle comments in a serious tone, “I don’t think San will feel comfortable if you’re tense”. 

“...You’re right, Gi, but I just can’t help it!” you huff nervously, coming out of the bathroom, your makeup now blended to perfection. 

“How do I look?” you ask, waiting for a positive answer. 

“You look absolutely stunning, Y/N. Lowkey jealous I’m not going on a date without you” Yeji pouts.

“Aww, she’s jealous~” you sing-song and she swats your arm playfully. 

“Okay, but, do I make curls or straighten my hair? Which is best?” you ask again.

“Some light curls would be nice. Here, I’ll help you with them” Yeji volunteers, taking the hair styler in her hands, twirling her finger around and you turn her back to her, throwing your hair back. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what, honey?”

“Everything, Yeji. Helping me, tolerating me” you admit, the warmth of the newly curled hair strands.

“Stop blabbering you idiot, we’re friends, of course we’d help you!” she playfully chastises you and you feel a sudden warmth engulfing your heart, a small smile spreading on your red tinted lips.

“Once again, Yeji is right. We’d help you at any time, Y/N. I even gave you my dress for tonight!” Giselle points out at the burgundy sequined dress, which fits you like a glove, hugging all of your curves perfectly. 

“Speaking of which, are you sure it’s a good idea to wear this?” you mumble and she frowns.

“Well duh? Girl, you look bomb! Besides, he’s gonna love it on ya” she winks and you roll your eyes. You check your watch and gasp once you see that you can’t stall any longer, otherwise you risk standing up San - not the ideal head start.

“Fuck, I gotta go, I’ll be late!” you pick up your stuff in a haste, bidding your friends farewell in a rush, closing the door behind you.

“I really hope they’ll get together in the future” Giselle comments.

“Ditto” Yeji agrees with a nod.

San is adding the finishing touches on his outfit, draping the black oversized blazer on his shoulders, smoothing over a few hair strands that seem a little bit out of place. Picking up his keys and his wallet, he walks out of his apartment, his feet light as a feather, feeling giddy like a school boy.

It feels like a fever dream, going out with you on an actual date - But it’s real and he couldn’t be happier. He’s walking towards his destination with a newfound excitement. He can’t help but imagine how pretty you would look - not that you aren’t naturally pretty, obviously.

His carefree moments stop abruptly when he hears a bunch of whistles directed at him by a suspicious looking group of men, steadily walking towards him.

“Look at this guy, walking all high and mighty” one of the men - most likely the leader of the gang - “Where are you off to, pretty boy?”

“None of your business” San spits back and carries on, but two of the guys block his way and he falls on them.

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, kid” the man towers over San and he punches him in the guts from behind, stumbling forward as the other two men land harsh punches on his face and chest, knocking him down on the concrete.

San manages to land a kick on the leader’s shins and make him lose his balance, yet it’s futile, because one of his lackeys pulls out a switchblade, stabbing him in the abdomen twice, without mercy in a heated moment, streams of blood flowing from his newfound wounds. San is screaming in pain, clutching his stomach to stop the blood flow, but to no avail.

“Shit, let’s get the fuck out of here!” the men yell and make a run for their money, leaving the young demigod laying on the forming pool of his own blood.

“F-Fuck…” San groans in pain, barely able to move. He can’t even muster the strength to yell for help, let alone move to a nearby shop to ask for help.

Suddenly, his phone rings and he struggles to pull it out of his pocket, his fingers leaving blood stains on the screen as he manages to read Wooyoung’s contact name and number and accept the incoming call.

“W-Woo-”

“Hey San - What’s wrong? Are you okay?” the man on the other end of the line worriedly asks.

“I g-got stabbed…On the way to D-Deja Vu bar, fuck” San barely replies

“Stay fucking put, San, don’t move!” Wooyoung screams on the other end of the line, “Where are you exactly?!”

“The alleyway…next to the apartment block I live in”

“Fuck…Try to call an ambulance until I get there, just stay the fuck alive, Choi!” he hangs up and San cries out in pain, dragging his fingertips on the screen to call an ambulance.

“Gods, please don’t give up on me yet.”

Saturday, 10:15 pm.

You’ve officially been stood up by San. 

You’re angry as fuck, cold as fuck and feel stupid as fuck because you actually believed he would show up and you would have an actual date with him.

"I'm such a fucking idiot" you huff in annoyance, as you close your phone, your tenth call to San remaining unanswered, along with a bunch of your messages. You turn on your heel to walk towards the dorms when your phone rings again and you slide your finger across the screen to accept the call without checking who it is, purely out of frustration.

"Choi San, I swear to fucking God-"

"Y/N? Is that you?" 

You suddenly realize that it isn't San calling - It's Wooyoung.

"Wooyoung? What- What's up?"

"Fuck, how do I say this…"

"With your own words, for starters" you retort with an annoyed tone, your arms crossed in front of your chest.

"Shit, now's not the time for jokes, Y/N - I'm with San-"

"Oh really? You better tell him to fuck off-"

"He got stabbed."

Your blood runs cold when you hear Wooyoung say those exact words, eyes widening in fear.

"What…did you say?"

"He was on his way to the bar to meet up with you…And he got attacked by some strangers and they stabbed him, probably tried to rob him and he resisted….Fuck, Y/N, he was calling your fucking name when the ambulance took him" the man nearly sobs from the other end of the line.

"Where…Where are you now?" you thread your hand in your hair, pulling at the roots out of frustration and anxiety, tears starting to form on your eyes.

"The National University Hospital."

"Stay where you are, Wooyoung, I'm coming over." you end the call and search through for a taxi number, calling it and hoping they will get here fast - But nobody picks up.

"Fuck!" you yell and slam your phone in your bag, feeling utterly helpless.

"I'll just fucking run there, damnit" you curse and take off your heels, clutching them in your hand as you start running like a crazy woman on the street, the passersby people looking at you in shock. But you don't give a shit about it.

You lost someone once - but you won't lose anyone else, ever again.

[katies-anonymous-post-box]

Here, have a long chunk of a WIP I have.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something. You seem really close to that guy, Milligan. Is he your dad or something? Why's he so sad all the time?" 

"Oh." Lee put down his cracker. "I guess I should tell you. The time was never really right, but I think you should know. Milligan's story and mine...they're almost exactly the same." 

Kate turned sharply to look at him. "You mean you also woke up strapped to a metal chair, blindfolded, then jumped into the bay and got your ankle bitten by an eel?" 

"Well, okay. Not exactly the same." He sighed and leaned against the bed. "I actually woke up a few days before Milligan escaped. I also woke up strapped to a chair with no memory, but I wasn't bruised. Everything hurt for me too, but it was more of a...dull pain, the kind that starts in your muscles when you work out too much, and I was tired. So, so tired. The people came to me asking questions about what I remembered, and I think I said I remembered everything about myself. When they asked for details, I said that I was as old as I was, my name was none of their business, sassy stuff like that."

He chuckled, but it sounded dry. "When they slapped me, I tried to bite them. Not that it worked, with my head strapped to a chair, but it's the effort that counts. Eventually, they pulled me out of the chair and took me to a small room. It didn't have much, just a bed that felt as hard as cement and a change of clothes, but something in me said it was the best I had gotten for a very long time. I don't even know why I thought that, and I don't think I want to know. I spent a few days being a household keeper. Making food, mopping spills, cleaning the bathrooms, and so on and so forth. I knew I had to get out. I just didn't know how. 

"And then one day, I heard an announcement. I was outside, sweeping a pathway, and by some stroke of luck, nobody was out with me. It said that someone had escaped and that all us Helpers - that's what we were called by the way - were supposed to stay inside until the crisis was over. I didn't listen, of course, just dropped my broom and ran. Soon, men in gray were spilling out the doors trying to find them, and I knew that they were my escape. I must have been a fighter before I was taken there because when I pulled one of the Grays into a side building, muscle memory kicked in and I was able to knock him out. I put on his clothes, got on a boat, and left the island." He paused, taking a few deep breaths. "When I reached the dock, I saw Milligan climb onto the shore. Even though I was in a captor's uniform, he must have known I wasn't one of them because he let me carry him away from the beach. We spent the next few weeks in the city before making our way to Mr. Benedict's." Lee closed his eyes as he finished his story. 

"Wow." Kate shook her head in amazement. "That was a lot." 

"Yeah, yeah. It's not as interesting as I make it seem. I don't remember much at all." He didn't look at Kate, instead choosing to look at the floor. The smile had slid off like a mask, revealing a melancholy look like Milligan's.

"Well...I have one memory left. But it's really fuzzy." He fidgeted with the lining of his jacket. "I'm running with another boy next to a beach. Whenever I try to think of his face, I always see mine, not sure why, but I think we were close. The sun was hot, but the other boy was wearing a jacket, and I think I was wearing a T-shirt like yours. I remember he called me Lee, but it was short for something. Leroy? Leo? Leland?" He looked off into the distance, lost in thought. Tears started beading at the corner of his eyes again, and this time he didn't even reach up to wipe them. 

@phtalogreenpoison this you?

Whoever it is, this is amazingly written 👀

[oatflatwhite]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @redbelles @clusterbuck and @buckactuallys <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

119 lmao

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

523,497

3. what fandoms do you write for?

um like so many lol. lately it's been masters of the air but my other two big/consistent ones are band of brothers and 9-1-1

4. top five fics by kudos

no morning fears, no mountains to climb (911)

the handyman can ('cause he fixes it with love) (911)

'cause i like the sense of falling (she-ra)

how to peel oranges (911)

75 best knitting puns that will have you hooked (911)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes i try to!! the only ones i don't really respond to are where the comment is just like. an emoji lol.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

well my ongoing series what took you so long? is all pretty fucking angsty right now lol

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

soooo many. love a happy ending. my cheesiest stuff is probably the fic i put together from a bunch of buddie kiss prompts a couple years ago, to keep still holy (your kiss upon my mouth)

8. do you get hate on fics?

no, but then again my fics are locked to registered users only, so

9. do you write smut?

occasionally! don't know how good i am at it but i try

10. craziest crossover:

nothing much really on my ao3 lmao. have some old stuff back in the ff.net days lol. actually i just looked the only crossover i really have published is a baberoe high school au (The Art of Perseverance) with band of brothers and the pacific characters. which isn't that crazy lol.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

um, kinda. there was a shadowhunters one that was really similar to one i had published but i worked it out with the author lol

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah a couple! it's a very humbling feeling

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no. in high school i wrote a hunger games oc fic with my friend's oc and we planned out all the characters/deaths together but i wrote it solo after that lol. she clocked in at almost 40k woof

14. all time favorite ship?

i can't read suddenly.gif < stealing that from meg lmao!!!!! it's probably winnix though. baberoe and clegan my beloveds too. and god. theonsa. *drowns myself*

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

To the Harbormaster... girl i'm so sorry

16. what are your writing strengths?

description and characterisation 100%. i think my dialogue is pretty good too

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

lmao same meg, plot. i'm trying to write an original work for uni and it's goddamn struggle street let me tell

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

listen yeah i've done it. i would do it differently now than i did when i was 17 lol. i think yeah prev if you're a native speaker or know someone who is who can go over it for you... then sure. but also, you can just work around it by saying "he said in french" or whatever. nora sakavic does it all the time

19. first fandom you wrote in?

DELTORA QUEST! lief/jasmine babes <3

20. favorite fic you've written?

hm. i like a lot of the hbo war stuff i've written but i think this has to go to my heartstopper uni nick fic go ask for joy division. it took so much out of me. there is so much of me in that fic. fuck. also same kind of goes for my steddie/ronance future fic my future's in hand. i feel like i write best when it flays me open inside <3

i'm not sure who hasn't been tagged! but ping @ww2yaoi @raylangivins @anachilles @rosiethals and @newcathedrals if you guys want <3

[spidersfanfics]

Fanfic Snippets (FFXIV)

I've started falling back into an old writing habit lately. AKA: Coming up with one (1) scene, writing it, and then never finishing the actual story cause I really didn't think that far ahead. So in an attempt for me to not leave all these things to rot in WIP Hell, I'm gonna start posting those scenes on my Tumblr again. And then maybe if people like any of them, they can bully me into finishing it (where it will then go on my AO3 probably)

Anyway, here's the first one. Final Fantasy XIV SPOILERS- It's the intro to a Zenos x WoL thing following immediately after your duel in Endwalker. Enjoy :)

My energy spent, I let myself succumb to the exhaustion. The pain. The defeat. I had done it, obtained the one thing I desired above all else. Death at the hands of my first friend.

My eyes fluttered closed, unable to stay open any longer. And as they did so I let my head loll to the side. My gaze landing on him. Watching as he crawled towards me with the last of his strength.

For what reason, I knew not. But as I felt his fingers intertwine with mine, I did something I'd never done before. I prayed. How intensely un-Garlean of me. We had no gods to speak of, for fear of summoning eikons. But for all I'd seen and done up until now, it felt like the right thing to do. So I did. And with my dying breath, I pleaded for the Warrior of Light to live on in his victory.

Something clattered to the ground. And as a certain weightlessness overtook my body, I let unconsciousness take me away.

—-

Flashes of noise. A ringing in my ears that made words hard to make out. Like listening from underwater.

Familiar voices. Arguing about something. Anger, fear, confusion.

Light. I can't quite make out the details. Is this the aetherial sea? Is this my soul coming undone?

—-

I find myself alive.

Slowly, I sit up from what appears to be a hospital bed. And my eyes land across the room, meeting those of my savior.

"You're awake."

My eyes linger on his own injuries. "You saved me." It was not a question.

I don’t know right away how to feel about the situation. True, it went against everything I’d worked for. I should have been enraged. Frustrated or annoyed at the very least. But at the same time, he was the only person I knew who could have orchestrated the situation. The thought excited me. Anyone else would have killed me. Would have been forced to kill me. He, and he alone, commanded the right to spare my life. That thought too, was a thrill.

[scummy-writes]

How do you deal with writer's block? How do you execute ideas even with writer's block?

ohhh this is a good question. I may not have good answers.

It may depend on the type of writer's block you have, as I feel like there isn't just one singular over-encompassing type.

Sometimes, the writer's block is having all the inspiration, but nothing is coming out. This one plagues me the most because 90% of my fanfics and similar nowadays are just me daydreaming 24/7, and writing some of those daydreams down. Like a lil movie in the background. In theory I could write so much, but I struggle with actually putting pen to paper and considering the actual word choices used.

What I end up doing here is read or....write.... So the reading I try to find a published book that is different from my usual writing style and removed from fandomism, this is to personally help me distance myself from fanfic a little, to see how the pacing in a longer piece may be- which can help with learning to describe 'smaller' scenes and movements, or see how the writer handles scene transitions and similar. And, well, I read! And when I'm reading, I will usually pick the writing apart.

"I really like the way the writer described this movement, how could I describe that in my own words?" , "Wow, you can see how these last few paragraphs built up the foreshadowing for this turn of events, lets break down how they did that." , and... well... sometimes it does turn into "Yikes!! I really dislike that!!! If I were to rewrite that in my own way, how would that go...?"

And I've found that I often struggle to finish books, because I'll get that train of thought going so much that I'll have to put down the book to actually write.

Another thing I will do is that I will open up a wip, have it in a window taking up half my screen, then open a blank document to put on the other half, and rewrite everything word for word. This often helps me catch mistakes, odd sentences, and similar, and it's an easy way to simulate actually being able to write without having the 'blank document woes' where I'm too scared to defile a blank document. I find that once I get in the process of this with some good music, once I catch up to where my wip left off, I've rewritten a few sentences or added in more details I thought of with a fresh mind, and I'm able to go past where I initially left off.

(thats how I set up the screen)

If it's the type of writer's block where you have NO ideas, no will to write and only the vague *want* to write............ you may need some rest. A lot of people talk about social batteries, on how people need to recharge after a social function with some alone time or similar, and then their battery feels recharged! well... You need to do that for creative outlets as well!! You need to make sure you're taking care of your body, and also your mind. Recharge your creative mind by reading, watching, and listening to new or old and beloved things! Play a fun video game with a story that's interesting to you, read a cheesy romance novel, maybe even just clean some dishes and daydream as you do so. Once you remove 'gotta write gotta write gotta write gotta write' from the equation, and chilling out a bit, you end up getting inspired again after a while.

Typically with this one, I will end up writing notes that are very. bland.

So... if it's neither of those, or you have tried a lot of these things, then my next advice would be to try some basic writing exercises. Look up prompt lists, try to write the first thing that comes to mind when one catches your eye- i dont care if it's shakespeare or dahl, you just smack it down on paper. Much like drawing, you gotta do warm ups with writing! it helps a lot when you're stuck! If prompts don't work, move on to rewriting a classic story scene or story in general with your favorite characters, think about how they would act in the situation instead and rewrite it. If its fanfiction, look at some of the events in the game or routes, rewrite it with you or your mc, or how you wished the route/event went instead. write with friends! have friends send you prompts or detail a vague outline for you and try your hand at it!

If it stems from being too embarassed to read what you're writing.... turn the text itty bitty and just Type, to where you ignore what you're seeing and are managing to get words down. You can always make the text bigger when you feel less embarassed!

That's what I can offer off the top of my head!! I think there are plenty of more tips than this that exist out there, absolutely, so maybe some folks reading this might be able to offer to explain what helps them!