#listen I need my big tiddy husband

[pastel-medic]

what is ur opinion on the tf2 dating sim, team lovetress?

You mean the game that'll let you date Medic Team Fortress 2 and the other mercs? HYPED 😈

[robertpattersonsleftcoochieflap]

Genshin Impact headcanons

BIG TITTIE COMMITTEE

Itto, Kaeya, Alhaitham, Childe & Wriothsley

Contents: Big tiddie men react to you (their partner) shoving your face in their tiddies.

Warnings: men tiddies, suggestive content, slight nsfw, fluff

Itto

"Hey, babe- What are you doing?" Itto laughed in surprise at your sudden affection. You feel his hard chest rumble as he laughs, making you nuzzle your face between his pecks. Both of your hands reach up and grope his muscular pecks, lightly squeezing them.

"Woah there! Getting handsy are we? Two can play at that game, baby." Itto reached down and grabbed you by the waist with two large, strong hands and easily hoisted you up so your own chest was level with his face.

"Hey! I was enjoying myself there!" You whined at him, giggling lightly at his fluffy white hair tickling you as he nuzzled his face between your breasts. He stopped and looked up at you with a smirk.

"Don't worry, I got something else for you to enjoy."

.

.

.

Did I mention that he has nipple piercings?

Kaeya

You were truly at your wits end with Kaeya. All day you'd been watching him strut in and out of your office, delivering you paperwork in his usual outfit. Only throughout the day, you had noticed something strange. Every time you saw him, his undershirt seemingly became lower and lower. He'd also made sure to bend over your desk every time he passed you your work, giving you full view down his shirt.

You'd finally had enough by the end of the day. It was late and everyone in the knights of Favonious' headquarters had gone home -- besides the usual knights that guarded the front entrance, yourself and of course Kaeya. You had just finished signing your final piece of paperwork when your blue-haired partner slinked through your door.

"Finished yet?" You looked at him, immediately taking note of his teasing smirk.

"Not yet." You paused, your eyes dropping down to his semi-bare chest, "There's still something I need to do." You look back up into his eye. You motioned him over with a single finger. Once he stood before you, you grip him by his ridiculously slender waist and pull him into your lap, finally burrowing your face into his firm-but-ample chest.

"My, my~ It seems somebody has been struggling today." Kaeya mused, his arms hugging your shoulders. He knew exactly what he was doing, teasing you all day. You groan into the valley between his pecks.

"Kaeya, you're truly evil." He laughed at your defeated tone.

"I know." With that, he pulls you up into a kiss.

Alhaitham

Alhaitham was perched in his usual reading corner when you arrived home from class. He greeted you and continued his reading. You had a very long and tiresome day at the academia that day. It seemed like nothing you did was right and it made you want to crawl into a hole and cry. You needed your boyfriend.

Alhaitham looks up at you as you approach him. "Can I touch you?" You ask, knowing sometimes your boyfriend gets a little overstimulated after a long day at the academia.

His eyes scan over you for a moment before he sets his book down and moves himself into a more comfortable position to accommodate you. "Of course." You immediately fall onto his lap and bury your head into his chest, his pecks making for a good pillow to rest your head and his heartbeat calming your soul. You close your eyes and just listen, enjoying the calm ambience.

"Has something happened today?" He asks. You shake your head and mumble, "Jus' needed you." You look up from his chest and see a light blush dusting his ears and face. His strong arms tighten around your body and he gently kisses your forehead.

No more words were exchanged for a while after that. You both just enjoyed the quiet ambience of each others company...

.

.

.

That was until Kaveh came home after his class and complained both your ears off about a project he was assigned.

(Autistic Alhaitham is real.)

Childe

Despite your husband being a fearsome harbinger of the fatui, he was gentle with you. Even during your episodes of play fighting. Ajax laughed loudly as you attempt to tackle him to your shared bed. He'd just made it back home from his business trip to Liyue and you were eager to get your hands on your ginger partner.

You had missed him dearly, but you also understood that his work was extremely important and he even had to complete quests asked of him by the beloved Tsaritsa herself. "I swear I'm going to lock you up so you cannot leave me again." You wrapped your arms and legs around his sturdy body, nuzzling your face into his neck and taking in his familiar scent.

Ajax chuckled and hugged you tighter. "Alright." He sat you both down on the bed where you finally pulled away to take in his appearance. You raised an eyebrow.

"A harness, Ajax? This is what the fatui have you wearing?" You tugged on his chest harness, enjoying the way his body came forward with it. "Yes, they do. Got a problem with that?" He asked, amused by the question.

"Perhaps I really should lock you away." Your hands ran over his chest, admiring the way it looked with the harness tightened around it. You flatten your hand in the middle of his chest and shove him down, leaning over to look him in the eye. "Can't have anyone else seeing you this."

The ginger raised an eyebrow and smirked, watching as you stared at his chest with a glazed look in your eyes. That's when you begin unbuttoning his shirt, making sure to leave the harness on. Once his shirt is unbuttoned, that is when you strike.

You waste no time shoving your face into his pecs, gripping them with both your hands and squeezing them together. Ajax laughs, his hands rub up and down your waist, as you continue your assault. That's when you bite. His whole body twitches and he lets out a yelp. "H-hey!" This does not deter you though. You've been without this man for weeks and you're determined to get your fill of him. You nip, suck and bite across his chest, leaving marks in your path. By the end of it, your husband was thoroughly ruffled, his face sporting a deep blush and his chest and neck covered in marks left by you. You sat up and smirked in satisfaction with your work. You meet his half lidded eyes.

"Take off your clothes.... Leave the harness on though."

.

.

.

You'd truly never seen this man move faster.

Wriothesley

You had been pissing Wriothesley off all day. You'd made it your objective today to see how long it would take him to crack before he punished you -- And you were doing a hell of a good job of it.

The Duke was at his wits end with you. You'd purposely been flaunting around his office all day in your skimpiest clothes and talking back to him. Making sexual innuendos at every possible opportunity and even going as far as to flirt with guards in front of him. It was an hour away from lights out and he was almost done with his paperwork when you sauntered out of your shared bedroom, and back into his office. He immediately gritted his teeth. You were in nothing but one of his dress shirts.

You were thoroughly enjoying the reactions you so easily drew out of your husband. It was immensely entertaining to you. Especially since there was little to do in the Fortress of Meropide. I mean, what did he expect locking you down here?

You sauntered your way over to him, taking no notice of the work he was doing and drape yourself across his lap. He let out a deep growl of your name. You only smirk up at him in response and play with the tie around his neck, tugging on it.

"What's wrong with you today?" He grumbled out, his tone frustrated.

"Bored," You say nonchalantly. "And I want attention." You run your finger down his chest, picking at the dip in his dress shirt. Wriothesley let out a groan. "So you've distracted me all day? Because you wanted attention?"

You grinned up at him, "Yep." You said, popping the P. He let out a sigh and shook his head at your ridiculousness. "Well, I have a few more things to do. Do not distract me." You didn't reply.

The Duke continued to do his work, ignoring you completely. You pouted. Then an idea bloomed in your head and your gaze dropped down to the muscular chest before you.

Wriothesley let out a yelp. You were too busy groping him to notice. You had your face shoved between his tits, rubbing your face in the grey chest hair between them, your hands slipped into his shirt, squeezing and pulling at his pierced nipples.

"Okay, that's it." He gripped the back of your collar and pulled you out of his cleavage like a scolded kitten.

"Hey! I was busy-" You were cut off by him throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and storming off with you to your shared bedroom.

.

.

.

It was going to be a long night for you.

[ruumirmir]

playing wuwa rn and-

spoilers under cut

Yangyang my princess girl wife you are so softspoken and beautiful and pretty with big tiddies and an ethereal glimmer in your eyes I love you

Okay bro I see you . Zesty ass smirk and full of schemes.

But also a fakeass evil villain . Bisexual Whore. I saw those ouppy eyes. Your honor i need him sandwiched between both rovers. for science.

Same dude that tried to kill me 2 seconds ago ^^ Also its literally the werewolf tearing it's shirt open meme. Monster fuckers (me) were probably having the time of our lives. Wdym he transforms into a hot goat devil and tries to fight and scare me at the same time makes sexually charged remarks at me like shut up you want me so badly Literally Everyone wants rover but scar wants them in ways you can't even comprehend

And also Thank you wuwa for having a brutal combat mechanics I fucking love killing stuff

Also: Yuri………

Fellas is it gay to pin down a stalker who’s obsessed with you to the floor and shove a sword at their neck while your massive tits hang right over her face

I’m sorry the SHEER AMOUNT of pov shots we got of BOTH rover and camellya Giggling crying blushing kicking my feet when Rover is above me and camellya is below me I'm laughing so hard this is literally just bisexual simulator Wdym rover has two different versions of the same yandere I WANT BOTH SCAR AND CAMELLYA SO THEY CAN CATFIGHT OVER WHO GETS TO BE BONED BY ROVER FIRST Me and the two deranged stalkers that are obsessed with me for reasons not discernible but they want me carnally and aren't willing to share

Anyways . Love wuwa . My game crashes perhaps thrice every hour but peak combat gaming 👍 Saving indefinitely for scar, my deranged pookie . Honorable mention: Jiyan is very boyfriend husband thank you for listening.

[nerdyvocals]

Hi there! @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I are back on our bullshit with some unhinged movie-night quotes, this time with the first Descendants film. Previously, we've had some shit to say about Rise of the Pink Ladies and Julie and the Phantoms. This is the first actual movie we've watched for these movie-night quotes, so it's a long one. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Bee: "Elected king"? That's not how democracy works.

Bee: How is he inheriting the crown if his dad is still alive???

(Note: For those not aware, hi, I'm a costume designer and technician, I usually have Things To Say about costumes, including the following Several Minute Rant)

Me, two minutes into the movie: PAUSE, okay I have opinions here Bee: Okay? Me: Okay so this is a fitting, right? I appreciate the big stitch lengths, that's accurate, but this should be a mock-up, with muslin! Why is it made of the fashion fabric??? Bee: This is riveting

Me: Why are his sleeves finished off? Where are the pins? Is that a hand back stitch??? Bee: *cackling*

Bee: YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS AND DEMOCRACY

Me: Why did they give Ben a bust dart? Does he have tiddies??? Bee: TRANS BEN???

Bee: I'm gonna take a drink every time you go on a costume rant. Me: LISTEN

Bee (@Evie and Mal): So they're lesbians, right? Me: OH HO HO, YOU'D THINK SO WOULDN'T YA

Bee: You said Kenny Ortega did this, right? Me: Yep! Bee: That. SO very tracks.

Evie: *flirting* Bee: Ahhh, performative heterosexuality!

Me: Her love interest is so [HUSBAND]-coded; you're gonna lose your mind

Bee: Ah yep, Kenny Ortega choreography

Bee: IS THAT FUCKING KRISTEN CHENOWETH??? Me: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???

Both of us, anytime Carlos is on screen: He Baby

Bee: I bet AO3 had a field day with this franchise

Bee: Ohhhh, look at that shitty marching band, let me at 'em- NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THOSE INSTRUMENTS Me: *wheeze*

Bee @ Audrey: Oh THATS a lesbian Me: I COULD GO ON A RANT and I won't until we have more context!

Me: Look, Evie's love interest is a dude but I choose to believe that he's a he/him lesbian so it works

Mal: And I totally don't blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the whole world but my mother to their stupid christening! Me: Look, christenings were public events! They had to go out of their way to tell Maleficent not to come! Bee: Right! Like it was more work to have someone find her to tell her not to come! She would've stayed away if you just kept your mouths shut! Me: Not to victim blame, but don't fuck with the fae if you don't want the fae to fuck with you Bee: No I'm victim blaming in this one instance, that was fucking stupid

Doug: Hi-ho... Bee: Oh god he is [HUSBAND]-coded

Carlos: Die, suckers! Me: Let Carlos say fuck! Bee: He would say it constantly

Jay: *ninja kick through the door* Bee: Dumbass

Carlos: *trying to help Jay up* Me: *sobbing* He baby!!! Bee: He wants to help his brother!!!

Bee, already tipsy: I think every time we say "he baby" I need to drink water

Me: Hnng I remember being obsessed with Mal's outfits as a 14yo but looking at it now as a costume designer, I can't tell if I still love it or if I kinda hate it. Bee: Lemme take a drink and you elaborate. Me: There's something kinda off-putting about it and I can't tell if it's because it reeks of 2015 Disney Channel-which is not a bad thing!-or if I just don't think the design works. Bee: It looks like they were going for scene but didn't really know what scene was

Me: I think we should also take a drink whenever we say "that's gay"

Both: STOP BEING MEAN TO JANE SHE'S SO CUTE

Ben: *trying to convince Carlos Dude won't hurt him* Me: For the trans!Ben headcanon, I know that's just a weird fuckin' seam on his shirt, but it looks like a binder

Honorable mention: Us constantly screaming at evie that she's allowed to be smart

Bee: Hey, [HUSBAND], Wanna come see a character that's you coded???

Evie: *making clothes* Me: THAT SEWING MACHINE IS SEXY

Me @ Lonnie: I wouldn't call that cool hair Bee: Oh now she's cool, she ripped her skirt

Mal: I think it's time Benny Boo got himself a new girlfriend Bee: Girl he is right behind that door

Mal: *wipes Lonnie's tear* Bee: LOOK AT HER FACE, see that? That was a gay awakening

Me during Did I Mention: Guess what Bee: Huh? Me: That's not him singing Bee: *gasp* They Troy Bolton'ed that man

Bee: There are. Not enough trumpets in this band Me: Nerd

Talking about the Maleficent movie and how I've never seen it Bee: Oh god, you would've been like. 12 Me: Or 13 depending on the time of year! Bee: It came out in May Me: ...Okay yeah I would've been 12 Bee: I can do math! [HUSBAND], distantly: Citation needed! Bee: HEY!!!

Ben: Is this your first time? Bee: HUH???

Me: What was he trying to accomplish here? Like he didn't tell her they were going somewhere they might need swimsuits, was he trying to get her in her underwear??? Bee: If it wasn't a Disney movie I'd say yes Me: Horny teenage boy

Ben: *shirtless on the cliff* Me: Good for him, he's had top surgery since the last scene

Maleficent: Still doing tricks with eggplants? Bee: Idk, ask her husband

After the cover of Be Our Guest Bee: What. Was that. Me: I know Bee: That was so bad! Me: I promise the other covers are better

Me: I hate Mal's costume in this scene Bee: Drink! Me: The purple on her blazer matches too perfectly with her hair, there's no break in the silhouette Bee: Oh yeah, I see what you mean Me: I get what they're trying to do with the lighter palette, but I'd swap the blue and purple, personally

Queen Leah: My daughter was raised by fairies Me: That was your own fault Bee: Nowhere in that curse did it say you couldn't raise her

Insert the TEN MINUTE interlude of me dying over the obscene fit of Ben's suit:

(Please note: A) his jacket sleeve is caught on his elbow, which is what's causing that FOUR INCH exposed sleeve, B) who wears a pocket square and no tie? C) the buttons are STRAINING because the suit hasn't been tailored properly, it's way too small, you're the future king and I expect better from you okay you CANONICALLY have people tailoring your clothes, and while we're on buttons, D) NEVER button both buttons on a suit jacket! If the jacket has two buttons, the top is buttoned and the bottom isn't. If it's three, top is button sometimes, middle is always buttoned, and the bottom is never. Also: Unbutton when sitting or doing physical activity, such as croquet. This has been Levi's useless button PSA)

Honorable mention: I showed my mentor this picture the next day and he gasped like he'd been shot

Jane: He's never gonna make a villain a queen Me: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! Bee: WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!

Me: she's not ugly, she just has a fuck ass bob

Bee @ Beast: Oh why'd they give him glasses, now he's hot

Mal: How do you know that?? Ben: because I'm listening to my heart! Bee: Gay Mal: I'm listening to mine too Bee: DOUBLE gay

Bee: I love how you can soo very see all these frozen people moving

Maleficent: *Dragon Time (tm)* Bee: FOUND THE BUDGET

Jane: Guess I did get pretty lucky in the mother department Me: Speaking of mothers can someone please catch the lizard Bee: PLEASE

Side note, my internet was wigging out and the stream kept freezing, particularly during Set It Off Me, struggling with the connection: And what if I cry Bee: Limping toward the finish line Me: What if I cry and commit arson

Mal: You didn't think that was the end of the story, did you? Bee: Well that was fucking ominous We watched Descendants 2 as well!

[skiplo-wave]

Rate Johnny’s characters

I'll do one I have seen

Captain Jack Sparrow 12/10 Johnny was perfect person to play slutty bi pirate

Willy Wonka 7.5/10 he's a tumblr sexyman but hot take his Michael Jackson voice sometimes is a miss for me lol

Mad Hatter 7.5/10 I'm surprised he's not on tumblr sexyman list. Not fan of tea but I listen to him ramble for hours

Ichabod Crane 8/10 little Victorian twink. Tell cashier he ask for no pickles

Gellert Grindelwald 6.5/10 honestly the hair just doesn't slap for me. Bleach pineapple headass but dig his outfit

Barnabas Collins 10/10 always hoe for vampires and he had like yandere big tiddy witch could've had it all Barnabas

Sweeney Todd 12/10 who do I need call for Johnny play another goth serial killer huh >:/

Big Bad Wolf 8.5/10 *sighs in furry* this close as we get to werewolf Johnny huh?

Victor Van Dort 8/10 same thing I said for Ichabod

Whitey Bulger 10/10 perfect bango head UwU

Frank Tupelo 11/10 perfect himbo trophy husband. Literally be stupid and look pretty

Edward Scissorhands 120/10 perfect meow meow give his scars all the kissy kissies 🥰🥰🥰

Mort Rainey 9/10 messy dilf that's a hoarder but my god he can write ( so he claim lol)

Gilbert Grape 8/10 boy you fond over in highchool but alas he's a milf hunter

Charles Mortecai 3/10 how did this dumbass get Pepper Potts and Jarvis in his sheets? HOW gimme your cheat codes

Colonel Joll 9/10 breedable thinks he's a top but actually a bottom

Richard Brown 11/10 bi disaster dilf that's also a teacher 😩

Rango 9/10 funky little thespian cowboy

[gud-soup]

Bun in the oven

Fluff! Nanami Kento x reader

a/n: Here's the little present I'm giving y'all because we all should go to therapy, but can't afford it. And it was HIGHLY OBVIOUS that we needed it from the convo on my previous post. I've missed this man SO. DAMN. MUCH. I just wanna shove my face on his big tiddies uggghh.... quite sad that I haven't wrote anything yet about him (actually I've noted SO MANY stories in my drafts about him, yet here I am, not giving af)

intro: A clueless bread lover, who just needs some rest

➳Masterlist

"Kentooo come here please!" You screamed from the kitchen "What is it honey?"

"Look!"

"Christ, you scared me, why did you do that?" Nanami asked sighing, he rushed, worried that something bad happened, when it was one of your silly stuff again

"What?"

"Why is there bread still wrapped in plastic in the oven?"

"Who are you?" You asked stepping back

"What? Y/n? Are you alright?" Nanami replied worried again

"You're not him, what did you do to my husband? He'd never simply say that it's bread, he would specify the type, smell, taste, and tell curious anecdotes and what combination with other food and drink would make an excellent meal. So... where is he? What did you do to him?" You asked dramatically, lightly smaking his arms at your last words

"Y/n, Y/n, relax, it's me, why did you put a bun in the oven?"

"What?"

"Why did you put a bun in the oven?"

"I don't know, you tell me! If there's anyone who needs to give an explanation here, it must be you" you giggled, hoping he’ll get the hint

"What? Y/n what's wrong with you today? I wasn't the one who put it in the oven, so it must be you! We're the only ones who live in this apartment!"

"Put what in the oven?" You dumbly asked, believing that at this point he’ll get it

"A bun! Y/n! You were the one who called me here because there's a bun in the oven, and I'm not understanding this ridiculous situation, what did you call me for?" Nanami replied exhausted

"Clearly, for what's in the oven" you said with a “duh” look

"Wha- Y/N! You're seriously making me impatient here! I see what's in the oven, but I'm not understanding what do you want me to do about it!" Your husband was slowly getting impatient, he didn’t want to start a fight with you. Work was already enough and he wasn’t willing to pull out all of his stress against you, at least not this way

"Kento, darling, look at me, take a deep breath, calm down, now, could you please repeat slowly what's in the oven?" You calmly said hugging him and looking at him with adoring eyes. This was it. He’ll finally understand

"Y/n, sweet angel, love of my life, listen, I'm sorry if I've lost my temper for such a FUCKING ABSURD SITUATION, but, I don't want to fight against some silly bread, so I'd go back to my reading, if you don't mind" Nanami quickly kissed your forehead sighing again, leaving the room while ruffling his hair, thinking at how ridiculous domestic life was with you sometimes.

"But Kento-" you mumbled trying to call him again

"No, Y/n, please, it's enough, I'll go and make some tea, and maybe use a few of those buns for some sweet snack" Kento stopped you before you could say more, eyes tired as never before

"But the bun, the oven..." you whispered pointing at the food

"Darling, please, I'm tired, and you should take some rest, also, please stop hanging out with Gojo so often, it's having terrible side effects on you" he said quickly hugging you while holding the tea

"Oh, a-alright, I guess, thought, it could be a good idea..." you tried to explain

"I'll be in the living room if you need me" he said kissing you again leaving the room with the mug you gifted him and a softer look on his face

.

.

.

*2 HOURS LATER*

"OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N! A FUCKING BUN IN THE OVEN?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME LIKE THAT THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Note to reader: he's aggressive reaction immediately changed as soon as he found you munching a couple of buns with a confused puppy look as he kissed you pationately, only similar to the one of your wedding, swinging you around and lifting you up, not ready to let you go. He wanted to hold his entire world forever and stop the time just to taste this sweet moment you were sharing, and maybe, just maybe, he also didn’t want you to see him crying, again.

That’s all! This was a little something, veeeerrryyy short. Now that I think about it, I want to write so much more about him as I’m still not over him!

Let me know if it was alright!

See ya ✌🏽

Byeeeee

-P

[sugarspicenights]

Spicy

A/N: The title is because I'm listening to this song again while writing ;) A little AriHan birthday spice (posted after my birthday but it's fineeee)

18 + ONLY PLEASE

C/W: mentions of pumping breastmilk, tiddy worship, oral (male on female, and female on male), cum on face/swallowing, (f) squirting [enjoy ;]

“Are you sure we packed everything??”

Rohan chuckled, reaching over to grab my hand as we sat in the cab in the fading light.

“I’m sure, and if we didn’t we can go buy something. Ellie’s already at Tomoko-san’s and settled in for the night. She would let us know if something was wrong.”

Squeezing his hand back, I nodded and laid my head back onto the headrest. Today was my birthday and I was notoriously bad about taking breaks for myself. Rohan had planned a night to get away, even if it was just in town—Morioh had a pretty famous Love Hotel and we had never been… Yet.

Plus the school year had almost started with Rohan beginning to teach classes this year. We both needed some time to ourselves.

When then cab arrived at our destination, Rohan finished the payment and helped me out, grabbing our bags from the trunk and walking down the block. Glancing both ways first, he slipped inside the front gate and opened the front door. The hotel was private about their guests, but Rohan was still a little nervous about gossip. He was married, of course, but some tabloids were nastier than others about “lewd behavior”…

Breathing a sigh of relief, Rohan walked to the screen to check in while I held our bags, looking around at the modern interior. The lobby smelled faintly of flowers and honey and I smiled, thinking of Lena and GER.

“Okay, we’re all set.” Rohan walked back, holding our key. “We have to pick extras though, like shampoo scent, snacks… They have cosplay and lingerie, but I already got you some new stuff since the size range is smaller~”

Blushing, I took his hand, rolling the bags behind me and going to help smell all the options for showering. Rohan looked so cute right now. He had taken his headband off for once, preferring a measure of anonymity, but his hair looked so cute down and fluffy. He looked less like an eccentric mangaka and more like a regular guy. And so SO handsome~

Catching me staring, he glanced up, raising an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

Shaking my head, I giggled. “Just admiring my beautiful husband~”

Stealing a kiss, I turned to the wall of soaps again, finding a cherry blossom bottle. “This one for hair. And if they have anything like apple for body that would be nice. I have my facewash and stuff already.”

“Mmmm.” Grabbing the bottles, Rohan and I turned to the touchscreen next, flipping through the menu to have some snacks come to our room after we got in. “They have one in the room too if you want to look there.”

“Yeah, let’s do that. I want to settle in.”

As we took the elevator up and found our room, Rohan opened the door with the key and pushed it open. We were greeted with deep purple walls and a floral pattern, with lights illuminating the front hallway. The hall turned twice, leading us deeper into the room, then blossomed out into a lush oasis.

A small pool was on one side, surrounded by palm trees and 2 lounge chairs, then behind that, a padded seating area with multiple levels and a small table for meals. Finally, there was a cosy bed with a fluffy comforter and pillows, and a large shower room. The screen nearby had more food options and other settings for the room.

“Well.” Rohan set his suitcase down, grinning. “This should be fun~”

Taking everything in with big eyes, I nodded in reply, looking at the bed. “I wanna flop down on it. Looks so soft.”

“Then do it~ It’s your birthday.”

Grinning, I made a little run to the bed and a whoop as I jumped, flopping completely onto the cushy covers and giggling. “Rohaaaaaan, join me.”

Mirroring my actions, he did the same, landing next to me with a chuckle, the turning his face to me. “So soft~”

“What do you want to do first?”

Rohan smirked, playing with my hair. “You~”

Reddening and shoving my face back into the blanket, I laughed, sneaking a glance back up. “Obviously… That’s why we’re here~”

Scooting closer, Rohan brushed his thumb over my cheek. “Do you want to pump for Ellie first? Pretty sure this room has a fridge. Then you won’t be as sore for… Other things.”

“Yeah. Let’s do that. You find something to eat, okay? Then we can unpack.”

Laying me onto my back, Rohan leaned down to give me slow kisses, rubbing his fingers over my collarbones, tucking a few fingers under my nursing bra strap. “Can’t wait to show you all the gifts I got~ You’re gonna look so pretty~”

Kissing back, I wrapped a leg around one of his. “Don’t I always look pretty?~”

He nodded, nipping at my lower lip. “Of course~ But pretty and sexy tonight. You deserve it.”

Letting out a soft moan, I pulled him into another kiss, gripping at his upper arms as he caged himself overtop me. When he pulled back, I grinned, popping a kiss on his forehead. “Okay, lemme up, we gotta get ready~”

Rohan sat up, pushing back the hair that had fallen into his face, and took both my hands in his, smiling at me. Staring back with a grin, I blushed, looking down. “What is it, Han?”

“Nothing. Just…” He laughed softly. “Glad you’re my wife. Glad you’re the one here with me.”

Oh I’m soft. So so soft.

Pulling him into a hug, I held tight, laying onto his tiddies and sighing. “Glad you’re here too, baby. Can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

We stayed cuddled up for a minute longer, soaking in all the warmth and safety of each other’s arms. “We should really unpack, Ari~”

“Alright.” Moving to stand up, I offered a hand to Rohan. “Let’s get our luggage open.”

***

After I had pumped and we had gotten snacks and water, Rohan finally went to his bag, pulling out 5 paper wrapped packages and setting them in front of me. “Happy Birthday, sweetheart.”

My eyes lit up as I glanced up at him, toying with the paper’s edge. “Can I open them??”

He grinned, nodding. “They’re all for you, after all~”

Carefully untying the first bow, I found the first look: a soft pink and white one piece swimsuit, tied at the chest with an open stomach and high cut waist. The second, a silky pink mid length kimono style robe. Inside the third was a full lingerie set—top, bottom, and garter belt—all in black with hot pink floral accents.

I looked up at Rohan, impressed with his choices and finding plus size options for everything. He merely grinned back, gesturing to the final two packages. Tearing the last two open, I found a lavender lace bodysuit, and then—

Laughing a little, I pulled out all the accessories from the last package: a pink cat maid outfit, complete with little cuffs and ears.

“And what is this one for, Mr. Kishibe?~”

He blushed, tugging at the neck of his tee shirt. “You know… For fun~”

“Mmmmhmmm~” Winking, I looked back down at the pieces. “What should I wear first?”

“The swimsuit!” He had answered quickly, clearly having this planned out already. “So that we’re not dirty first. We’ll have to use the shower a few times, but I don’t want to get the pool water gross.”

“Yeah, that’s fair~~ We do get kinda messy~ You asked for extra towels, right?”

“Yes…”

Grabbing the swimsuit, I stacked the other outfits in a neat pile, heading for the bathroom. “What about you? Did you get some outfits too? You know you’re as much my gift as these are~~”

“Don’t worry, you’ll see them as the night goes on, Ari. Promise.”

“You’d better~”

Slipping into the bathroom to change and pee, I came back out after, adjusting the suit at the tie and tucking my boobs into the suit again, still a bit swollen from pumping. I wasn’t quite used to outfits that showed off my breasts yet, even in private.

Rohan however…

As soon as I walked out, his eyes were fixed on me, straight to where my swimsuit was tied.

“Ah, babe!” Reddening, I crossed my arms.

“Put those down!” Rohan teased, walking over. “It’s just us! I can appreciate my wife’s breasts!”

“Mmmf…” I pulled my hands away, blushing hard and looking down. “Fine.”

While I was busy, Rohan had already picked a playlist from his phone and changed into a pair of tight swim shorts, showing off all his (ass)ets. Rohan pulled me over and slipped into the pool, motioning me down. “It’s the perfect temp. C’mon.”

Stepping in carefully, I relaxed into the warmth of the water, leaning against the wall and kicking gently.

“The last time we were in that big bath in Hakone, I couldn’t stay long with baby Ellie. Guess we could use the hot springs at the Foundation, now that she’s born.”

“Mmmh, we can. And train more, if that’s what you want. Heaven and Hearts haven’t had much chance to train with each other yet.”

At the mention of their names, the two stands popped out on the pool’s edge, grinning at the thought of being around more.

“Please, please, pleaseeeee???” Hearts begged, dressed only in her shorts and crop top, long iridescent hair shimmering over her shoulders. “I wanna get stronger!! And see Heaven more… I know you’ve been busy, but I miss being around. Please???”

Heaven was relaxed too, in shorts and a tank top with his white-gold hair shimmering in the room lights and near-invisible tattoos of water lining his arms. “I too would like to train with Hearts. I know our full capabilities are unknown as of yet, but I would like to explore those possibilities.”

Scooting closer, Rohan put an arm around my shoulders. “I think we can arrange that, yeah? I’ll be teaching a few times per week, but maybe the other days we could go train? Weekends I need off to be with Ari and Ellie or grade things.”

“Of course, Rohan.” Heaven stood up, stretching his arms. “It just would be nice to do something other than line your comics~”

Rohan scowled slightly, scoffing at his stand with a “tch.” Heaven merely shot him a mischievous grin, walking over to Hearts and offering her his hand. “Kind of sad we haven’t really been together since that one time, Fye~”

“Oh, I think you’re right, Ven~ That was so fun! I wish we could do that again…”

Rohan sighed—our stands had a mind of their own at times. “We’ll give the two of you a chance before the night is over to try something, but I want to pay attention to Ari first since it’s her birthday. Deal?”

Heaven shook his head. “Deal~”

With that, the stands disappeared quickly, leaving us where we had started.

“Well…” Turning to Rohan, I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Now that they’re gone~~”

Grabbing at my hips, Rohan picked me up easily in the water, settling me over his own and holding my waist. “We can get started, hm?”

Grinding up into me gently, Rohan began kissing my neck and chest, sucking gentle hickeys into my skin when he got to the swell of my breasts. “So soft…” Smushing his face into them, he sighed, resting there. “Pretty wife.”

I giggled, keeping him there. “World cold and harsh, tiddy soft and warm~”

He snorted, popping up for a breath. “Exactly~”

Tugging at the edge of my swimsuit top, he pulled the fabric below my chest, pressing a kiss to the now-exposed nipple. Sucking in into his mouth, Rohan flicked his tongue over the bud gently, getting a soft moan out of me and pressing down onto his hips more, with whispers of “feels so good, baby” and “don’t stop.”

Rolling his hips up into me, Rohan continued his worship, pulling the fabric from the other shortly and sipping his hands to my waist. “Mhhh, Ari…” Flicking his tongue again, he sucked softly, getting the last few drops of milk after pumping. “Can we get out of the pool?”

I nodded, slipping off his lap and walking out of the pool, grabbing a towel and handing him one too. Drying off my hair, I glanced at Rohan, who already had an obvious bulge pressing into his shorts.

Oh. He was holding back for me…

Tossing the towel down, I grabbed Rohan’s hand, pulling him to the shower room. “C’mon. Let’s get messy~”

“Huh?” Rohan followed, confused only for a second until we got inside the shower. I was already slipping out of the wet suit, grinning at him. “Ari… I wanted to make this about you. It’s your day.”

Smirking at him, I dropped to my knees and gripped his thighs. “I know, but give me this first time. I get what I want, right?” Pressing my nose to his package and nuzzling gently, I placed kisses to his cock through the fabric, leaving him with a choked moan caught in his throat.

Encouraging him, I squeezed him through the shorts and cocked my head. “C’mon, we’re at a love hotel. Don’t hold those cute moans back, baby~”

He leaned back onto the wall, panting softly and arching into my touch. “W-whatever you want, Ari.”

Rohan’s eyes were on me, completely entranced as I pulled his swim shorts down, freeing him from the constricting fabric. His face flushed with heat as I rubbed his hips. “I’ve got you, just relax Han~”

Taking his cock in my hand, I kissed over the length, giving gentle kisses and giggling as I found the base, licking a stripe up to the head. That got a loud moan out of him and I grinned up, kissing the head last with a wink.

His knees faltered for a second, accompanied with a whimper, and I leaned up to kiss his stomach. “Pretty boy.”

“Hnnnh, Ariiii… Is teasing me your birthday gift?”

“Maybe~~” Gripping at the base, I sucked what I could comfortably fit into my mouth, working in small circles with my tongue, closing my eyes just to listen to his heavenly moans. Working like this for a few minutes with breaks for air, I brought Rohan to the brink, working slowly with my hand as he whined.

“G-gonna cum. Gonna…”

Opening my eyes, I looked up, loving seeing him fall apart for me. His hands gripped at the walls, wet hair clinging to his forehead, cheeks flushed and hips thrusting into my mouth. This was my gift, my treat: To care for him and see him like no one else ever would.

Moving my mouth away with a “pop,” I supported underneath his erection. “Where do you want to cum?”

Peeking an eye open, Rohan reached a hand to my cheek, brushing over it. “C-can I…” Closing his eyes and moaning with the built up heat, he tried again, taking a shaky breath. “Your face?”

I had always been a little nervous about that—about it getting in my hair and eyes and stuff. But we could shower right after, so I agreed, scooting back and putting my hands behind my back. “Go for it.”

I watched as he stroked himself, desperately pumping into his fist, chasing his release. When he finally began to come, I opened my mouth, letting the warm liquid spill onto my tongue, cheeks, hair—anywhere it wanted to go. The taste was salty, but only slightly bitter and sweet (since we had been eating more fruit to prepare for the day~).

Keeping my eyes closed, one eyelid coated with cum, I motioned with flappy hands that I wanted to get washed off. I wasn’t sure if I liked this sensory experience or not… Strings of cum parted when I talked, and it was getting tacky pretty quickly. “Wash. Warm, please.”

Rohan understood finally, grabbing the shower head and running water for a minute to warm it up, then gently washing off my face, rubbing to get the excess residue off. When my eyes finally got clean, I cleared the water from my eyelids, looking up at my husband. His expression was so so soft, and I melted, letting him finish rinsing my hair.

“We don’t have to do that again if you don’t like it, Ari.”

“Mmmh. Thanks. Not sure about it yet. Just wanted to try something new~”

He smiled, sitting down next to me. “Thanks.” He set his head on my shoulder, leaning into me. “Felt so good though…” Kissing my shoulder, he smiled. “I need to take care of you now.”

Nodding, I stood up, wobbling slightly as the blood came back to my legs. “Sorry, kneeling that long…”

“No I get it, walk around for a second so you’re not in pain for me.”

My shoulders relaxed, staring back at him. “Rohan. I’m… So lucky to be yours. Lucky to find someone who understands me like you.”

Rohan smiled, standing and stretching his arms out behind him. “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t care for the woman of my dreams?~”

I walked closer, stretching out my legs. “There’s a lot of men out there who wouldn’t say the same.”

Rohan grinned, walking closer, now nose to nose with me. “Then they’re idiots.”

“Agreed~” Pulling him into a kiss, I grabbed his hand, slipping it down to me. He rubbed in gentle circles, slowing when I gasped, sensitive.

“Sit down by the wall?”

I followed his instructions, spreading my legs to give him access, and waited for him to get in position. Laying onto the shower room floor, Rohan moved forward, positioning my hip angle properly and lacing his fingers between mine.

Starting with gentle kisses around the outside lips, Rohan licked stripes on the inner folds, building up slowly. Too much stimulation at once made it overwhelming, and Rohan knew that.

Taking care of him had already made me wet and as Rohan lapped at my entrance, the movement of his tongue and sucking sounds made me even wetter. Letting go of his hands, I grabbed onto his hair, moving my hips slowly and grinding onto his face. Sinking his hands into my plush thighs, he continued licking slowly, finally latching his lips onto my clit and sucking.

That got a loud moan out of me, making me squish my thighs together and shake a little. “Keep them open, baby.” Rohan gripped tighter, pinning my thighs down and working faster, only starting to use his fingers once he was sure I wouldn’t suffocate him again.

In the haze of pleasure, I closed my eyes, losing track of his exact movements and actions, but letting myself enjoy the experience without holding back. Rohan curled his fingers, hitting the right spot to make me squirt and I shut my eyes tighter, embarrassed.

“So good~” Rohan cooed, repeating the motions and getting me to squirt even more. “Gonna make you come soon, yeah? You ready?”

I nodded, having been brought to the edge a few times already. “Just want to come for you… Please.”

“That’s my good girl~ Come for me.”

Riding his fingers and face, I came hard, shaking with the waves of pleasure radiating from my core. Rohan pulled away slowly, letting me pant and recover while he rinsed off his face with a little grin.

“S-sugoi…” I moaned quietly, thighs still shaking with little aftershocks. “So good.”

Sitting down next to me, Rohan took my hand, grinning. “Pretty good vacation so far~”

“A-and we only… Only just started.”

Pushing my hair back, Rohan kissed my cheek. “No need to rush, we have all night.”

I nodded leaning into him. “We can nap, play games, watch tv. Whatever we want until we’re ready again.”

He kissed my forehead next, humming onto my skin. “Exactly. Shower first? We can try the stuff we picked.”

“Yeah. Please.”

“I’ll be right back, gonna grab em.”

I watched him shake any extra water off and pop out, smiling to myself. If the rest of tonight was anything like this, we’d be worn out tomorrow, but very very satisfied. I couldn’t wait~

[mellowmoonballoon]

P2 of the Primer - Minho!

Fandom primer for fandom feels.

So, Minho, dance leader!

Minho (Lee Know, Lino...) is the Stray Kids’ Marilla Cuthbert. Very controlled with showing his feelings. Wants to feed everyone. Hard working and practical. Dresses like an old woman who is constantly freezing.

His lack of desire to embarrass himself on screen is very relatable to all anxious perfectionist introverts. He often gets confused for shy or cold because of this, when he will just not do silly things in front of the camera if he’s not sure of the result. His terrible art? He knows it’s terrible and that’s acceptable. His amazing dancing? He knows it’s amazing and that’s acceptable. Things he’s not sure about which include being vulnerable in front of strangers? NOT ACCEPTABLE. I respect that. So this “primer” will not perpetuate any “mean-ho” ideas thank you bye. (Felix calls him tsundere so if you see me use it, it’s not my fault.)

Anyway Minho is a dancer. That was his job before he joined SKZ (he toured with bts etc) and it was his primary role in SKZ for a while. When he first joined he wasn’t a good singer or rapper, but he would have been ok if he wasn’t constantly shaking because he was convinced he’d get kicked out. Which is valid because he did get kicked out.

oh also - I will treat his and Felix’s story as if the elimination wasn’t a setup just because whatever else was going on, they thought it was real.

His singing voice wasn’t great so he was asked to rap instead. He had never done it but said he’d be willing to try. They were given... what? No time? To prepare for that change and famously, Changbin rapped backup for him and Han held his hand and timed the beat with it.

so i cried, and then he did get eliminated because he messed up the lyrics next time so i cried more and then he sent a final message and i FUCKING BAWLED.

To Han: “The time I failed, was it because you weren’t holding my hand?”

Changbin helped him a lot during practice for the second song and they both felt so bad for different reasons. Minho kept saying he was sorry that someone younger than him had to be helping him and that he was failing despite it. “If I had slept one hour less, would I have been able to do it better?” and Changbin with “What did I do for him, that I couldn’t teach him better?” Anyway this show was torture but I’m gonna go back to the good stuff now.

Minho got to come back and they were a band happily ever after. Before the elimination tho he helped the other members with their dance routines. So, shit i learned about kpop peripherally: most bands are made by formula like “2 members rap, 2 members dance, 2 members sing” or something like that. Minho could dance and Changbin could rap and Seungmin could sing and the goal is rarely to get everyone to be great at everything. And Minho was like “nah.” And he made it his goal to make everyone as good a dancer as possible. So while others were helping him with singing and rapping, he was helping them with dancing.

For me a very important scene in the show was when Bang Chan kinda lost it at IN’s lack of ability to dance and he had everyone stand aside and kept telling IN to try again and Minho gave Bang Chan side-eye and went over to IN to teach him how to do it better.

baby bread’s defeated baby face :(

and Minho’s face just saying “you’re not helping” as he walked over in clear defiance of any hierarchy.

So Minho’s whole approach to the group was “I will help everyone be better at dancing”. According to Chan he picked Minho with the idea that Minho would be in charge of dancing. Which is a big fucking deal. For Bang Chan personally and band as a whole.

Changbin asking this question, who else. Chan was like “that phrasing doe?” But eventually:

(Changbin is listening but also not giving a shit, he’s just waiting for Chan to be done so he can ask what his role is and be told he’s the visual, Minho feeds him so fucking well.)

In group dances Minho tends to not stick out. In fact, Minho would really like it if no one stuck out. His goal is to have them all as synchronized as possible and he’s really good at it.

His solos fucking murder us every time tho :(

m... where was i.

Oh yeah. He’s very good at his job. He has also gotten SO MUCH better at singing. I don’t think he gets enough credit for how fucking hard he must have worked on that on top of everything else they do. I know the color of his voice doesn’t pop out like Seungmin or IN’s, but he can hold his own now. (His parts in Slump and Neverending story for example. Slump in particular because apparently Han wrote that whole ass song to fit HIS high notes and everyone just went “I guess” and then Han said “but I’ll only rap in it”.)

But enough about how much I respect him as an artist. Let’s talk about how if he is your favorite in the band, there’s a 99% chance your kink is being spit on followed by a good aftercare. Look I don’t make the rules. Just accept it like Hyunjin has.

Did he tickle him after that? Who knows. Not Hyunjin.

but he feeds him well so it’s all good.

In fact, other than making everyone dance well, Minho’s second mission in life is to make sure everyone is well fed. (He is definitely that grandmother who will tell you you’ve gained weight and then get upset when you don’t eat everything she made for you.)

Life is too short for a full compilation of Minho feeding people so here’s a little vid and a few pics.

How is this post still fucking going? How do I have so many thoughts on this one man wtf? Anyway just a quick note about his ex husband.

Back in the olden days Minho made lunch and wrote a lovely thank you letter to Seungmin and things were great. Now they jokingly call each other the divorced couple and even though they are roommates they both claim they can’t be roommates. I have a theory that could be way off but I will type it up here anyway. My theory hearkens back to the first paragraph which is that Minho doesn’t like doing things in front of the camera when he’s not sure how it’s gonna end up. And I think Seungmin for his own reasons isn’t very expressive either. And maybe sometimes on camera he didn’t react like Minho needed him to. And it ended in Minho adjusting his on camera attitude. Again, I could be way off, but the way I see it, there is safety in teasing. The same way he’ll show off his giraffe picture and be like “isn’t it beautiful” when he clearly has functional eyes, he can show his friendship with Seungmin and say “lol isn’t it horrible” and he gets the expected feedback and it’s fine. It’s better than being seen as overly needy or reaching out and not getting what you want. And tbh I think he and Seungmin pingpong this at each other and this is why every tsundere needs a Felix or Han to hug them despite the shit that’s coming out of their mouth.

But Seungmin can still recognize him by his tiddies so clearly they’re fine off camera.

As far as fan stuff goes, Minho has a regular live where he eats delicious food and talks to fans. Sometimes fans are really shitty and he plays it off but he is human and y’all need to get your shit together. But since all his fans are subs it all works out in the end. (Go on, tell me he’s your bias and you’re not a sub, I won’t believe you.)

I’m going to end this now and sneak edit when I remember other shit like I just did with BC.

Oh PS: I am not getting into Minho and Han now. Maybe ... MAYBE by the time I’m on Jisung’s profile I’ll be emotionally ready for that.

Wait did I do a whole fucking primer on Minho without mentioning his cats? Shit I’m gonna get arrested. He has 3 cats, adopted or found. He also does a shitload of charity stuff, a lot of it animal related. Ok ok ok there.

Bang Chan - Minho - Changbin - Hyunjin - Han - Felix and Felix2 - Seungmin - Jeongin

[zaritarazi]

I'm thinking of a Marlie Beauty and the Beast AU

okay let me set this scene for you. we’re flipping it. bc we know for a fact that mick is very bookish when left to his own devices and also, cannot stress this enough, does not want to talk to anyone, ever. they’re like oh there goes mick, he’s daddy but he never talks to anyone, that’s the song now. he’s daddy but he’s kind of weird that mick

and then there’s charlie who may or may not be an elder god or some kind of demi god like here i am just me, charlie, having a great time scaring some townsfolk, living in this hugeass castle, just me, all alone, that’s how it’s always going to be, me, charlie, over here by myself. im fine and happy with this

so how does mick even get up there?? like this is mick he’s a grumpy daddy writer who wears his period-appropriate shirts stretched over his bara tiddies like who would gaston even be in this situation. barry??? is it barry??? i dont know he seems like he’d fuck around and bother charlie and mick with his life’s problems.... i mean who knows. we don’t need a gaston in this. i want gustin’s role CUT from the musical

okay so we all know mick is a widower. this is not news. and one night some local youths, probably on a dare, sneak into his house and steal like, len’s old pocketwatch or something and mick chases after them up the hills into the woods where they are of course, stopped by some kind of horrible blob thing that is like 2 stories tall and made of like oil slick colored shiny mud-like material and it’s essentially just like, an evil, cackling face in this wall of dripping muck and mick is like oh for FUCK’s sake. he’s like i cannot bELIEVe i have to protect the local youth from THIS. give me back my dead husband’s watch you fucking idiot children. i hope this thing kills me i truly do

oh also worth noting of course is that mick has been carrying a bigass torch this whole time. it’s very sexy and powerful of him

anyway one of the idiot kids starts throwing rocks at this fucking thing and mick is like oh for the love of FUCK and when the creature lurches forward he tries to light it on fire and it shrieks out and the youths are yelling and the giant blob is yelling and in the fray of this thing trying to reach out and grab the youths and drag them along the road and maybe like, blob them up a little? you know just to teach them a lesson, mick gets thrown into a tree and he drops the watch and he gets a concussion and is probably unconscious for like, a day.

so he wakes up and his head is POUNDING and he’s in this OLD ass bed with fresh sheets and he’s still in like, his coat and his nightshirt and the pair of pants that he managed to pull on quickly but his boots are gone and the watch is gone and he’s also fucking famished. he’s like well at least this isn’t the first time i’ve woken up in a strange place and needed to get out quickly but i had hoped i’d gotten too old for this SHIT

okay mick wandering around this old old old castle again, we’re gonna have him carrying a torch bc of the imagery, it’s very good, and he finally finds the kitchen with all the pots and pans hanging up and like the big wood-fire stove and all that jazz. he’s like great. fantastic. there’s some bread and some jam and mick is like perfect let me just guzzle this and then. and then the candleabra comes to life and starts talking, and mick is like, well, i’ve hit my head a lot of times in my life, i think i should just uh, let that one go. and ray, who is obviously the lumiere, and nate, who is obviously cogsworth, bc they are gay and in love, are like. oh my GOD. a GUEST. mick is still ignoring them and candle!ray is like okay we’re gonna sing the welcome song to you now and mick is like if you do that, i will destroy you both with my bare hands

nate: it’s a GOOD song

mick: i doubt that

ray: can we at least do the first verse

mick: no

nate: haha anyway do you like men 

mick: you are a clock

honestly if mick is like “so uh why the fuck can you two talk” they just look at each other and are then like “honestly we have no idea. maybe we’re enchanted items?? we have fun here” and mick like great. outstanding. where is the exit. and nate like YOU CANT LEAVE. YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE. mick is like staring at him kind of shocked and then he and ray start laughing like hahahahahah you should see how stupid you look. it’s this way come on

mick: hey while i’m here. you’re a clock. have you seen a watch around here

nate: WOW. you just think all timepieces know each other? that’s so offensive

ray: he didn’t know

ray: but you should really apologize

mick: hey. let me ask. am i dead? is this hell? is that what’s going on?

okay but seriously mick can’t leave without that watch. and they’re like, well charlie usually keeps stuff she finds up in the study, but you’re probably not allowed in there. and mick is like this is literally, literally a kidnapping, so why don’t we just go in for a pound here and you two can take me to the study

nate: oh he said pound

ray: i heard it was very fun and sexy of him

mick: 

okay but like as they’re walking through the halls and nate and ray are giving mick just absolutely terrible directions, and he like has to carry them around, essentially, so now that’s his problem, he keeps seeing something out of the corner of his eye flitting around in the shadows and he’s like listen im sure this is all one big concussive nightmare and/or i’m dead so let’s just go with it, he notices that sometimes the shadow seems to reach out to him with a long, sharp hand and sometimes he thinks he can see the face of the monster from before, and like GOD how many STORIES does this castle fucking have? are we even NEAR the study? ray like oh crap i thought you meant the library. the study is on the other side of the building. mick just yelling SON OF A BITCH so loudly the fucking birds fly away outside

mick like so. that giant monster. is that who lives here?? nate and ray making extremely conspicuous looks at each other and going WHAT monster?? theres no MONSTER. there’s the person who owns the castle but thats not a MONSTER. monsters are just a MYTH. maybe YOU’RE the monster. have you thought about THAT.

okay. we make it into the study and there’s charlie dressed like a proper french soldier from the 17th century, for the EFFECT, and charlie is sitting on the desk one leg crossed over the other like HELLO i haven’t be WAITING for you or anything to nate and ray in a not whisper what the fuck took you two so long them like we got lost. it’s very hard we are very small. 

anyway charlie sticking out her leggy real far i’m sure your looking for your watch but before i can give it back to you i have to ask you a FAVOR. and mick is like sure whatever but before i do that. holds out nate and ray. what the fuck is this. charlie is like i have no idea they were here when i got the place why mick like well. that makes as much sense as anything else.

not totally sure what mick needs to do for charlie but he would sure love to know where his boots are and maybe get a proper change of clothes and a real meal, if possible

ray: we were GOING to feed you

mick: how

ray: it happens during the SONG

mick: then i’ll starve

so now mick is stuck in this castle with charlie, who is like very small but also deeply suspicious, the talking decorations, and he’d be more keen on getting out of here if charlie didn’t seem so interested in having him over, and if he wasn’t so curious about why she’s interested, or how this tiny little waif becomes a huge monster, (he wonders if she thinks he won’t notice the shadow she casts) or why she’s a monster, and it’s all very confusing to him but her eyes swallow him whole and he thinks he might have to help her out even if he’s not quite sure how. 

also for the big ballroom scene they BOTH wear men’s formalwear for the dance. It is VERY good. 

[dolphin-enthusiast]

yo yo yo can i get a matchup? I'm 20 years old, about 5'5" and really plus size, (thicc tiddie thicc thigh squishy tum) though I am losing weight. I have brown eyes, and really long wavy mermaid hair, it's always either purple/blue, or dirty blonde. I have a philtrum piercing, stretched ears, and cute lil nose ring. I have 4 tattoos (mostly florals) and plan on getting a full floral sleeve and a full leg sleeve of references/art of stuff I like, like jjba for example. (1)

“I mainly listen to rap, rock, and r&b. I am at least familiar with most other genres though. (I actually run the Tumblr blog jojoplaylists) and my music taste is pretty wide. I am also a musician myself. I would love to sing to my JoJo husband ;-; I was chorus queen in high school, but I kinda dropped off once I hit college (I'm going into my junior year) because of depression and shit, but I made another musician friend and we're gonna collab and I'm gonna release some r&b stuff. (2)

My name is Erin but most people on the internet call me bean, and my stage name when I release music is "babybean". Speaking of depression though, ya girl has baggage. I have Bipolar II, and ADHD. And also binge eating disorder. But I'm fully aware of all my actions and behaviors and I'm doing my best to overcome stuff. It's just really hard sometimes. I'm a pretty empathetic person, I'm studying sociology at uni and plan on getting my masters to do social work. I'm super left wing, (3)

big sjw energy oop. But I wanna do social work because I wanna be the person I probably needed when I was 16. Had a shitty childhood with lots of emotional trauma. On a lighter note, My friends say I am the human embodiment of a shitpost. They're not wrong. I like to laugh and I like to make people laugh. My fave shows besides JoJo are Brooklyn 99 and it's always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm Sicilian, my skin is kinda pale tho bc I don't go outside 😎 my clothing style is bohemian-ish I guess (4)

And my typical outfit is high waisted denim bottoms, a solid color tee or tanktop, and a cardigan or kimono or something. My favorite color is blue, my favorite food is pasta. I used to be super into makeup but now I barely wear it. Also I'm bisexual. (5)”

Y E E T I match you with...

RISOTTO!

Even if you two have opposite fashion senses you sure did make an impression with your wide music taste (and with the fact that you are a musician, he stans your work). Overall he loves your aesthetic (ESPECIALLY your tattoos and piercings).

He usually is rather reserved but he can’t help but smile and laugh whenever you two are together because of your fun personality. Your talent at making others laugh sure did affect him alot!

He doesn’t mind your baggage and he understands and will do his best to support you and be by your side, he’s very reliable. Furthermore, if you ever mention that you used to be into makeup then be sure that he’s going to be interested and get you to experiment together!

[vespaertine]

shit my groupchat has said - an ask meme

this ask meme is very long, and very nsfw! there are currently 88 starter sentences, and more may be added. apparently, when you scroll up in discord far enough, your computer will lay down and die. anyway, have fun with this, and feel free to change things up or add your own to the list!

“that’s so southern of you.”

“we’re close enough friends that i can just post tit pics and it’s no big deal.”

“i’ve become she-woman man-fucker.”

“why would i want to fuck him? he looks like a thumb.”

“the highlight of that trip was having very loud sex at a family resort.”

“do you ever just read something and immediately wish the hag would come of of her cave and just kill you?”

“i have a feeling that you aren’t about that, judging by the spaghetti dog.”

“your mom is the ultimate wing man.”

“her dress looked like a fancy latex sex dungeon get up.”

“she looks like a raw squid.”

“i’ve got 20 barrels of grog and some bombs.”

“my brand of romance is accidentally meme-ing while nearly sexting.”

“...the rest of the brain is devoted to stupid, ape stuff. like eating.”

“you’re the soft butch we all need in our lives.”

“bobby flay better not fuck my grandma.”

“fucking help me fend off the straight boys.”

“i’m attracted to the fish prince.”

“can you girlfriend her and have her send me some edibles? thanks.”

“this is the world’s okayest pie crust.”

“i’m proof that aquarians have god complexes.”

“i just realized that it’s a full moon AND mercury is in retrograde.”

“we all fuckin’ weebs.”

“i just need lobster when i get to the east coast, and then i’ll be gucci.”

“we all just wanna get topped and loaded like a bacon cheese baked potato.”

“fucking. unicorn skin armor.”

“war ... playing with anime tiddies.”

“you’re out here making me gayer than i already am.”

“he had a dirty foot kink and it kind of made me want to die.”

“i’m getting a bad dragon soon. i’ve waited all year for tax returns.”

“you look like the butch of my dreams.”

“Ayyee our periods are aligned!”

“i don’t have enough alcohol in my system for this.”

“it’s awkward when an ex of yours likes your nudes.”

“somehow golden showers came up in the radio room yesterday.”

“this is why you should keep multiple boyfriends.”

“i want him to kick me out of bed and into a wall.”

“cannonballing a dick would hurt so bad.”

“you’re not a real gamer unless you’ve eaten todd howard’s ass, thanking him for his 6th release of skyrim.”

“i’m not into that, but i’ve got an open mind.”

“the sparkle dog community is wild.”

“no offense but i want all of the aliens to raw me.”

“i don’t need a man. i need a swamp demon from the bayou.”

“as a furry, i have seen dark things that no man should see.”

“shut up i’m pissing. fuck i actually really have to pee.”

“that boi got the entire trans-alaskan oil pipeline in his shorts.”

“i would have fucked him, but then i heard him use the word ‘bro’ unironically in a phone conversation.”

“accept the granite.”

“my panties have been destroyed. vanquished.”

“apparently social justice summons me.”

“take a swig of some 90% isopropyl alcohol. down the hatch.”

“i always get my way ... except for the times i don’t.”

“i think i saw him have a mini funeral with his pot stuff over the trash can.”

“i die when the cornbread is in me.”

“mothman seems like the type of cryptid who waits until marriage and just wants to take you out for ice cream.”

“i’m a bowser fucker.”

“this candle is rainbow for gay intent.”

“you can catch me spooning sangria right out of the pitcher.”

“i see absolutely no downsides to prison.”

“if you decide to go with tax evasion, you get sent to a fancy federal prison.”

“do you want to see something galactically stupid?”

“hog tie me in the middle of the target wine isle.”

“i sucked his dick and he nutted in 2 minutes flat.”

“if you want the puss you’ve gotta, like, do something.”

“i went to the gym with a bottle of water, and returned home with a bag of chips and a coke.”

“i’m here, i’m queer, and i’m a little bit sad.”

“i feel like at this point we need to move out into the middle of the forest, dump everyone, and start a coven.”

“these are naturally flavored ranch chips. as opposed to unnaturally flavored.”

“i’ve had panera once and i don’t even remember the experience.”

“no, i don’t smoke pot. it’s for the aesthetic.”

“who knew that raccoons and walruses were so closely related via dick bone.”

“the aura of that google docs is so cursed, my internet went offline for a minute when i tried to open it.”

“ye olde condom and nutella life hacks.”

“can you hold on to a bull with a rope tied around its nuts for 8 seconds? i don’t think so.”

“he ain’t allowed in my vuvuzela.”

“get your applesauce injected intravenously.”

“we’re the sister wives, without the husband.”

“somehow i ended up listening to three days grace and this lyric video is done in comic sans.”

“if you can find andy warhol’s diary, he legit talks about having pubic lice for like five or six pages.”

“you had me at ‘victorian lesbians’.”

“there’s something so romantic and quaint about letters, my dude.”

“i love how decadently filthy this is.”

“just let my sad, writhing, angry body glide through space for eternity.”

“tell him to try dipping his nuts in milk.”

“welcome to the femslash fun swamp.”

“i just got like 8% more gay.”

“not gonna lie ... i wanna date mothman.”

“i just read a discussion talking about getting trapped in the fairy realm after having a fairy nut in your mouth.”

“four dads at home depot? no. four moms in a sunroom of a suburban home having an orgy.”

[unassumingvenusaur]

Benny/Hinata C-S supports

A tale about protection, fear, and bara tiddies. Honestly, these two would’ve been so cute together in Revelations, so I took it upon myself to write these supports.

I’ll write family supports for pickle son and scared son some other day.

C-Support

Hinata: Hi-yargh! Ha! Woohoo!

Benny: …

Hinata: Oh! Benny! Don’t sneak up on me like that. Almost made me jump!

Benny: Sorry Hinata.

Hinata: Um, besides. Shouldn’t you be training too? A guy of your muscle and skill would really benefit from some hardcore training.

Benny: I already did my training Hinata. Truth be told, I like having my good luck charms guide me in battle.

Hinata: Wha-? You mean you rely on luck most of the time? It only takes so long for your luck to run out you know.

Benny: Your concern makes me happy Hinata, but it’s true. Growing up, I didn’t have much. So I made good luck charms as a hobby. I always bring one into battle, and none of them have ever failed me. Isn’t it true that Hoshidans have similar charms? Hinata: That’s right, but I don’t feel the need to use them. I don’t like to push my luck, but I like to hone my skill so I’ll win no matter what. I’ve never felt the need to carry any charms into battle, because I know I’ll win. My devotion to Lord Takumi is more powerful than any charm-

Benny: ….

Hinata: Did I hurt your feelings, Benny? I apologize…

Benny: It’s fine. But have you considered combining two forces into one? The luck of a charm with your devotion towards your lord? With that combined power, nobody will be able to touch you in battle.

Hinata: You know, maybe you’re right. In fact, I would love a good luck charm! Make sure to lend me one right before we march, and I’ll tell you the results later!

Benny: Sounds good.

*Benny leaves*

Hinata: For someone as scary and intimidating as Benny, he sure does have a heart underneath those muscles.

B-Support

Hinata: Whew! I beat all of those enemies with breaking a sweat! Hey, maybe Benny was right. These charms really do give me an advantage!

Benny: Hi Hinata. Is the charm okay? Hinata: More than that, Benny! This charm is AWESOME! I almost died, like five or six times, but I felt some sort of magic guiding me! It’s as if this charm saved me from dying!

Benny: Glad to hear it…now, if you need anymore charms, just let me know. I think I should go take my leave now. Lord Xander wants me to do night guarding so I want to get started early.

*Benny leaves*

Hinata: …Wait! Benny! Don’t leave!

*Benny enters*

Benny: Hm?

Hinata: Listen, I’ve heard rumors about you…like how you scared an entire group of bandits away by coughing!

Benny: *Sigh*

Hinata: No, not like that! It’s just…people make you out to be some terrifying, murderous monster that eats people or something! But I know that’s not true. You do have a heart, and I would love to hang out with you more often…if you don’t mind.

Benny: Is this an offer…of friendship? Hinata…thank you. People don’t get to see the real me very often but….you are very at ease around me…that is more than I could ever ask for, friend.

Hinata: “Friend”? Woohoo! It’s a deal than! I can’t wait for us to become an unstoppable duo! With your strength and mine, the enemy won’t be hurting our friends anytime soon!

Benny: Aw, you’re so kind.

A-Support

Hinata: Maaaan….night watch is so boring….nothing cool is happening….guess I should hit the hay-

Faceless: Grrrrgh!!!

Hinata: Whoa! Stay back, stay back!

*Critical Hit SFX*

Hinata: GAAAAAAHHHH!!!

*Hinata leaves*

*Benny enters*

Benny: HINATA! NO!

Faceless: Hgahhhhh!!!

Benny: Grr….LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE!

*Stab SFX*

Faceless: Aggh…..

*Hinata enters*

Hinata: Agh….ow, ow, ow…..

Benny: Hinata! Are you okay?

Hinata: Healers…..now….

Benny: Gods help me….Lady Elise should be able to do something. Come on, we need to save you!

*Scene transition*

Troubadour: Benny? I have some news.

Benny: Hm?

Troubadour: In a first, Hinata is recovering smoothly. Just a bruise on his ribcage…but a punch that hard from a Faceless is usually enough to shatter bone completely…he’s lucky to be okay. Also, I found these torn cloth pieces in Hinata’s breastplate…they said that it used to be a gift from you.

Benny: My charm?…Hinata.

Troubadour: Oh, Hinata wishes to see you right now too. Follow me.

*Scene transition*

Hinata: Hey…Benny.

Benny: Hinata. You made it…I’m thankful. But my charm was destroyed in the attack.

Hinata: Haha, yup. I pinned the thing to my breastplate to guard me during night guard…it must’ve saved me life, absorbing the hit, because here I am now…

Benny: …

Hinata: What’s wrong.

Benny: No charm is enough for your protection.

Hinata: But…this one saved my life, right?

Benny: Yes, but not all charms have life-saving capabilities Hinata. Instead, would it be safer for me to…protect you?

Hinata: …you know Benny. I’d like that. I want to look out for you, just like how you look out for me. I already promised we’d be an amazing duo, but a duo also has to be concerned about each other’s safety…with that, I promise to be your battle buddy.

Benny: Heheh…you’re really nice, Hinata.

Hinata: And you too…pal…*zzz*

Benny: ….sleep well…you need it.

S-Support

Hinata: Hiya Benny!

Benny: Ah, Hinata. You’ve healed quickly. Plus, you’re you again.

Hinata: Yeah, I was reeeaaaaallly tired ever since that incident. But hey, it’s me, your old pal Hinata!

Benny: …

Hinata: Hey Benny? Is something wrong? You seem a little…distant.

Benny: Oh, don’t worry about it. I was just thinking about home….

Hinata: Home?

Benny: I come from a farming village. One of my dreams after this war is to visit it again, and see all my friends and family. I want to come back as a hero and make them proud. I want to prove that a humble farm boy with a scary face can really make it in this world. I want to become a fantastic knight, and protect the people I love.

Hinata: Hey, maybe after all of this is done, I can come visit your hometown with you! It sounds like fun! Oh, and maybe you can meet my family too! Ah man, all the great memories we’ll make together!

Benny: Heh…yeah…

Hinata: Benny? Your…face is starting to get flushed. You seem nervous talking to me. In fact, it’s like you’re about to pull out a ring and ask me to marry you! Haha!

Benny: …

Hinata: O-oh, was that too far?

Benny: No Hinata. You’re correct about that…

Hinata: Wha-….erm….I…..

Benny: You are the strongest man I have ever met. Your smile lights up the room and your laughter keeps everyone happy. You are confident, and not afraid to show it to the world. You read a book before you judge it by it’s cover, and you aren’t afraid of me at all…you know how to have fun, and you’re willing to try new things….Hinata. Will you….will you marry me? Stay with me until the very end?

Hinata: This is a lot to swallow Benny, but…you’re a very nice man, with a heart as big as your muscles. You are gentle and friendly to all, even those who put you down for your looks. You’ve shown your interest in protecting me, and keeping our allies safe. I…I think…

Benny: It’s okay if you just want to be friends. I’ll never talk about this again if it makes you uncomfortable…

Hinata: Benny, you wild bear! I love you! I adore you, cherish you, treasure you, all of the above! Of course I want to marry you, and be the best husband ever!

Benny: *Sniffle*

Hinata: Hm?

Benny: This means…a lot to me. I wish I confessed sooner but…I’ve always loved you, and I’m just thinking about how scared I was seeing you get taken down by that monster. I don’t usually have fears, but that was the first time I was really afraid. Afraid of losing you!

Hinata: Benny…as long as my sword arm is still swinging, don’t worry about me! I’ll do anything, even sacrifice my life for you! Because I love you that much!

Benny: Me…too. I don’t need any charms for this to work out. Let’s go Hinata. We’ll forge memories and become stronger…as husbands.

Hinata: Haha yeah! As husbands!