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amostimprobabledream · 1 month ago

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The Captains Play Stardew Valley!

I have Stardew on the brain. These are very silly.

Shunsui Kyoraku:

He never knows where the fuck his animals are because he "doesn't believe" in fencing them in. He also forgets to water his crops so he struggles in the first year because he's always broke af - not an experience he has in his real life.

He loves the whimsy of the game, especially when it comes to finding little secrets like Secret Woods or getting to Ginger Island. He reacts like a five-year-old being presented candy, it's the cutest thing. Also, he's in Stardrop Saloon almost as much as Shane is.

He never does the same thing per day, he'll have a wander down to the bottom of the map one day, mosey into town the next, explore the beach another…he's one of those people who takes "comfy game" at face value and plays in a way that's so leisurely that it's actually quite frustrating to watch. The urge to backseat game is often very hard to resist.

Favourite villager: All the women. All of them. From Jas to Evelyn, he loves every lady. Even the witch, he thinks he could fix her. He desperately wants Marnie to dump Lewis and find a man who appreciates her and feels bad for Sandy stuck by herself in Calico Desert.

Soi Fong:

Naturally, she got a cat when given the option and listening to it meow at her fills her heart with glee, but she pretends she doesn't care. She becomes offended if any of her animals give her eggs/milk/etc that aren't gold star or higher.

She absolutely hates Lewis for his terrible management and keeps asking why you can't vote to remove him as Mayor when he's so blatantly incompetent. A mystery for us all. She's also absolutely flabbergasted that Lewis is dating Marnie on the sly. She also dislikes Pierre for claiming her produce as his own.

She likes fighting monsters, when she managed to get to the desert she was thrilled at there being tougher monsters in there - she changed her tune pretty quickly when she got ganged up on by three serpents and lost some valuable treasure. She pouted about that all evening.

Favourite villager: Abigail - her tomboy attitude reminds her of someone…

Rose Otoribayashi:

Rose thinks the game is adorable at first but he quickly starts learning some of the lore and is surprised by how dark this seemingly cutesy farming simulator can get at times.

He absolutely loves the music in the games and has even tried writing songs with them as inspiration. Sometimes he just plays the game soley to wander about and vibe with whatever music is playing in the background.

He enjoys combing the beach and the tide pools or pulling up flowers and giving them to villagers. He does finish the mines but he doesn't visit them unless he has to because of a quest, he finds them gloomy and not fun to look at.

Favourite villager: This is an easy one, he's SUCH an Elliot stan. He calls him his "digital twin".

Unohana Retsu:

She completes the mines and skull cavern with ease. She can't intimidate the characters in the game with her avatar so she gets to back it up with her sword instead. Seeing the joy on her face at cutting down enemy after enemy makes you wonder if you gave her the right game.

That said, she also enjoys the cosier aspect of it - tending to her crops and animals comes quite easy to her and she's never bored by it. When confronted with cutscenes for the games she tends to be firm but fair in her advice.

She rarely faints but she likes checking in at the hospital because it reminds her of Fourth Division, so she has a lot of friendship points with Harvey and Maru especially.

Favourite villager: Harvey but also Marlon. Duality queen.

Shinji Hirako:

He has the WORST fucking luck in the mines - when he sets up bombs they explode in his face, he can never find enemies when there's a quest to do them, etc. Yet then every so often his crops will get visited by a fairy and suddenly be fully mature just when he needs them to, or he'll catch a rare fish by mistake.

He pretends to be disinterested, but he's a liar. Shinji LOVES, and I mean LOVES the tea about the villagers - when Caroline mentions she used to like to take walks by the Wizard's Tower he nearly spat out his coffee. And he actually shrieked when he found Marnie and Lewis in the bushes together - you ran into the room because you thought the idiot had stubbed his toe or something. He ships the villagers together unless he's the one courting them.

He cracks you up during the cutscenes because he says the most hilarious things in response to the villager's antics with a straight face. He goes for Lewis' jugular EVERY TIME.

Favourite villager: He likes most of them, but he has a thing for Haley - she was rude to him when he first talked to her and he developed a bit of a crush.

Byakuya Kuchiki:

It took a LONG time to persuade Mr. Uppitypants to play, but once he does he's DETERMINED to stick to a firm schedule. Too bad that's not quite how it works - he's terrible at the fishing game and it takes him forever to get the correct ones for the community centre. He buys them from the merchant whenever possible.

Spring is his favourite season because of the cherry trees. He waters his crops and checks on the animals diligently, every day, and with a complete straight face. He doesn't like being poor so his Farmer starts making bank QUICKLY.

Gets SUPER competitive during seasonal events, especially the Flower Dance. He's still salty about Abigail beating him in the Egg Race in the first year and has lowkey disliked her since then.

Favourite villager: Penny, he likes her genteel, shy nature. Reminds him a tiny bit of his wife.

Komamura Sajin:

Oh my god, he absolutely LOVES this game. Looking after animals is his absolute jam and he quickly turns his farm very profitable. He's just disappointed you can't take your dog on walks with you in the village and thinks all of them should appreciate its cuteness.

He dislikes the fishing game, not because he's bad at it but he doesn't like removing them from their home just to lounge about in your backpack, but Sajin is also duty-bound to restore that damn community centre, so…sacrifices must be made.

Also he's overjoyed when he learns you can speak to animals in the game and always goes to check the forest in case there's a new furry critter to talk to. He also befriends Krobus and the Dwarf very quickly, since he can relate to being different to everyone around him.

Favourite villager: Linus, he appreciates a guy who is in-tune with nature and just wants to live peacefully among the animals. He also is indignant when people judge the Farmer for digging through the trash, so you know, kindred spirits.

Lisa Yadomaru:

Lisa has married every bachelor and bachelorette in the game at least once - she has the save files to prove it. She says she likes to explore all the game's options but that's not true, she just wanted to know who has the spiciest lines of dialogue as your spouse.

She hates having to check the animals and crops every day so she uses sprinklers to maximum efficiency and getting the automatic feeder is a godsend. She does still like to pet them and see the cute little heart icons, though. Lisa isn't immune to cute pixellated animals.

She finds the mines kind of boring but her insatiable curiosity compels her to get to the bottom anyway, and she loves finding new clothing items to dress her character in - every time she loads the game her Farmer has some kind of new fit on.

Favourite villager: She was very upset when you told her you can't marry Sandy - Lisa calls her "desert wife". She's also fond of Maru, who reminds her slightly of Nanao.

Kensei Muguruma:

Kensei gets a horse ridiculously early on because the slow walking pace of the Farmer drives him insane, especially when he passes out just before he reaches his farm, so he goes out of his way to get a stable as soon as possible. The horse stays his favourite animal throughout the game because it goes home by itself.

The fishing game nearly made him fling the controller out of the window - especially when he had to get an octopus. You were seriously concerned he was going to straight-up snap your game in half.

He tunes into Queen of Sauce EVERY time, even when it's a re-run "just in case I missed it". He has actually tried to cook some of the recipes in the game and some of them were actually quite tasty! (He declined to attempt the Strange Bun, though.)

Favourite villager: Robin, he likes building new stuff on the farm and he finds Sebastian's cynicism refreshing in a game with mostly upbeat characters. He constantly grumbles how Demetrius isn't good enough for them.

Hitsugaya Toshiro:

He protested when you first got him to play - he's not a kid! But eventually he gave in to shut you up and soon enough he found himself drawn in, especially at the notion of it being passed down from his grandfather.

He likes unlocking things as he goes through the community centre and gets this satisfied little smirk every time he completes a bundle, even if it's an easy one. He's actually a little disappointed when he finally finishes it and doesn't have much reason to go anymore.

Hitsugaya tries to do everything so "you can't accuse him of not playing right", but he gets so salty if he has a bad time in the mine or spends ages fishing and doesn't get the right thing - then he yells at you for teasing him when he pouts. Favourite villager: Surprisingly, he's fond of Sam, he appreciates how hard he tries to stay upbeat and look after his little brother, it reminds him of when he was a kid and protecting Hinamori.

Zaraki Kenpachi:

He spends almost all of his time in the mines - as soon as he learns you can fight monsters in the game that's all he does. He's passed out in there MULTIPLE times, to the point where he was too broke to collapse anymore. Luckily he also made money quickly because he found a lot of gemstones down there.

Can never remember any of the character's names so he gives them nicknames - Evelyn and George are "the old people", Harvey is "Glasses", Haley and Sam are both "Blondie", etc.

He gets very aggravated when anybody he wants to sell to isn't there, especially when it's Clint, who he doesn't like and swears at a lot. Funnily enough he doesn't curse Marnie out the same way, even if he really wants a cow and she's too busy staring at her microwave.

Favourite villager: Marlon, he likes a man who knows his way around dangerous weapons. But unsurprisingly…he also has a soft spot for Jas.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi:

Another person it took ages to convince, but he finds it intruiging despite the simplicity of it. Mayuri isn't really interested in the villagers and instead immediately dives into all the supernatural/weird shit - he visits the Wizard's Tower every day and ends up getting the Sewers pretty early too.

He's a completionist at heart so he gets very determined about filling up the community centre quickly and gets pissy when you point out unless the merchant has a red cabbage he's unlikely to get it done by the first year.

Rarely does to any of the seasonal festivities, but he does always go to Spirit's Eve - he likes the aesthetic.

Favourite villager: He finds Krobus the most interesting and would probably invite him to live on the farm if forced to pick a spouse, but for human characters it's the Wizard.

Ukitake Juushiro:

Mr. Conflict Averse King hates it when he walks in on a cutscene that requires him to pick a side, he hates upsetting any of the villagers. He reaches ten hearts with people because he unfailingly responds in a way that will max out their affections.

He befriends Linus SO quickly because he feels bad for him. He also wishes he could help with all the problems and disapproves of the bad parenting present in the game, especially Pam and Demetrius. Shane's cutscenes involving his alcoholism made him so sad as well.

It takes him forever to get through the mines, the button mashing is hard for him and the frantic pace of Skull Cavern and the desert is enough to give the man heart palpitations.

Favourite villager: Vincent and Jas, obviously. He's got such a soft spot for little kids and his heart breaks at Jas' backstory.

#Stardew Valley #Bleach #Shunsui Kyoraku #soi fon #Rose Otoribashi #Unohana Retsu #Shinji Hirako #Byakuya Kuchiki #Komamura Sajin #Lisa Yadomaru #Kensei Muguruma #Hitsugaya Toshiro #Mayuri Kurotsuchi #Kenpachi Zaraki #Ukitake Jushiro #Headcanons

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