#lisa in the city show

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

Well this is not what I expected from this book but at the same time, considering Tharion's history of reckless, impulsive decisions, it's also not surprising lol

[w-i-m-m]

[bkdotblog]

"Unfashionable Behavior," S3E13

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 13 Recap

My Title: "Panic! At the Meredith Marks Charity Fashion Show to Benefit Mental Health Awareness"

My rating: 10 out of 10 Brooks Marks atelier fashions. (Every Housewives episode with a third act charity fashion show is perfect to me.)

Support for Lisa Barlow: Unassailable

<><><>

I want to begin by talking about the elephant in the room: Heather's black eye. This is an obscenely early BK's Take, so I apologize, but I have seen the allegations pin-balling across the discourse: Was it bad Botox, a drunken tumble, or a Knuckle sandwich served up hot but still somehow raw by one soon-to-be-convicted white collar criminal?

It's so clear to me that whatever it is, Heather is playing it up for the camera. Not so much by pinning the blame on anyone — more by grinding up the blame into a fine powder and then blowing it in everybody's direction. Snorting lines of it before dinner. Telling her blonde daughters she's going to the store and then driving to a dilapidated apartment complex to buy more.

My point is that, if this was an actual "assault" situation, I think Heather is handling it poorly. If it was anything else, she is handling it disastrously, and in a way that is surely to come back and knock out her other light.

Unfortunately for all, I am not a television detective. So while I can privately disclose to you that I believe Heather was punched by Jen in the night and is waiting on her to come forward and apologize, I can publicly disavow all knowledge related to this case, and I look forward to seeing the truth emerge when it inevitably does.

OK that's all!!! Happy New Year everyone! Let's dive in to this week's episode.

Not five minutes in to the episode, Jen evokes the Constitution.

Danna, perhaps sensing a vacancy for a nonwhite main cast member in the near future, takes this opportunity to share that a friend (who she won't name) has become an informant in the Jen Shah case. Shah maintains that, according to the Constitution, she is "innocent until proven guilty." (Presumption of innocence isn't spelled out in the American Constitution but is inferred from the 14 thru 16th amendments -- we'll have to give this one to her) And then, like any innocent person would do!, she storms off.

Heather and Meredith go to Jen's side. Jen reveals that she gave Danna a box of hair color to cover her grays, a gesture she now regrets. At the dinner table, Whitney, Lisa, Angie and Heather discuss what would happen if Jen went to prison. Whitney says this:

(I think she knows what this word means but is deploying it for a dumb blonde joke here, and it lands! I laughed)

Heather says to Jen: You know what will shut them up? Let's bring up my black eye again. Because they all know what happened but refuse to say anything.

Jen is like: Great idea.

Meredith, standing there, is like: What? So we know what happened with the black eye?

And then they return to dinner. What time do you think it is? I'll just tell you: It's 4:01 AM. Lisa literally leaves the table to go catch her flight back to Salt Lake, and the rest of the women follow after, waddling to her rooms wrapped in blankets.

San Diego is OVER I think. What a horrible trip for all of us!

Back in Utah, Whitney meditates. (#HillingJourney!) Lisa goes fishing. Meredith and her dumb fucking family that poses are planning a fashion show with a charity angle. The fashions are being provided by her son Brooks, and the charity honors her nephew. Her other daughter is also there. All three speak in identical tones of voice.

Meredith expresses her concern for Jen Shah and then her contempt at Lisa Barlow. If you told me that two seasons ago, I would have exploded. But I get it — Meredith has totally abandoned her principles. It's cool Mare!! hope u find them again.

Heather, wearing only tones of white, goes to visit Bad Angie. Holy shit Bad Angie house reveal:

It looks like the inspo was "All of Europe at once." Bad Angie's English bulldog has a grotesque eye infection unfortunately captured on camera. But it's not the ailing eye we're here to talk about!

Bad Angie tries to be forensic and asks to go over the details of the "crime scene," and Heather gives her a list of suspects:

Bad Angie: "Why did you say Jen last?"

Heather: (being honest) "I was just going through the list."

Now we are back in this strange waltz: Heather denies knowing anything about the incident to Bad Angie, while suggesting she knows EVERYTHING about the incident to the producer in the confessional. This is exasperating. Soon the topic will be entirely exhausted and the reveal will have no payoff!! Edging with gossip isn't fun, Hedder!

(BK's Take: The only circumstance that would make this worth the wait is if the truth was almost unimaginably more dramatic than we thought. A Fight Club situation, or domestic terrorism. Barring those options, it's tiring to watch Heather come up with riddles on the spot — and her inability to confide in anybody says a lot about where her friendships are this season.)

Whitney is going through old photos with her step-kids. Daughter Bobbie wearing pearls + lashes + blue eyeshadow with her soccer uniform is kind of a slay I must say:

Whitney calls her brother to discuss her fillings. Jen has Zoom therapy and I honestly skipped it — I really do not care about her pre-trial anxiety.

You know what I love? A charity fashion show!

Correction: Brooks is among the designers being featured, but not the sole feature. BK Blog regrets the error. Also, Brooks (accidentally?) revealed in the earlier sequence that this whole shebang took about 48 hours of planning, so we'll have to keep that in mind as we proceed. "It takes a village," Meredith says.

Danna and Good Angie arrive and wish Meredith well. Meredith tells Good Angie that she's "not mad, but disappointed" that she revealed to Lisa what Meredith said about the SEC filings. At once point, the hilarious and fickle Gods that puppeteer this show begin to count how many times Meredith says she isn't mad but:

Final count is 5.

Jen arrives with her husband. Lisa arrives and wishes the guests well, because "mental health awareness starts with kindness." Meredith thinks this is a pose and does a rude impression in her confessional. Remember when Good Angie said that she paid for Jen's husband's birthday? Well, awkwardly, Jen asked for an invoice, and the Shahs wrote a check to give to her in person.

The good part is that we get to see the invoice:

Good Angie and Danna seek out Lisa with gossip: Apparently Jen Shah is trying to mend things with... BAD Angie, of all people. Bad Angie told Danna this herself! (They don't say where, but from the flashback it looks like a wedding where Danna and Whitney were maybe bridesmaids?)

This infuriates Lisa, as was intended. It's easy to forget that Bad Angie has said some pretty insane things about Lisa, and that the @shahexposed Instagram was always intended to cyberbully the Barlows, mostly because Jen made the whole thing about herself. She was doing this as recently as one episode ago, when she explosively revealed that the ordeal made her contemplate suicide. Jen reaching out to Bad Angie could have been an important step in her own hilling journey. Everyone else is confused.

"They are the most inconsistent people I've met in my whole entire life," Lisa says.

Danna says she doesn't like or trust Jen, nor has she ever. To her credit she does say this nearly every time she is on screen, both to the others and privately.

(BK's Take: Danna fails to captivate me in a main cast kind of way but I appreciate her speaking truth to power.)

A glittering Meredith takes the metaphorical stage.

And the show begins!

Eagle minds will remember Brooks Marks' first (and only) design: A tracksuit bearing his name. What kind of couture has our fashion twink cooked up in the intervening years?

Nice!

(This is a blazer that says BROOKS MARKS on the front! Jen was screaming.)

Jen and Coach Shah give Good Angie and a husband a check for $13K, and everybody was graceful about it. Especially Jen who did not open her mouth once! Good Angie says in her confessional that she is running to the bank to deposit it before the government freezes her account.

Scene change! Heather goes to visit Whitney, who seems to have not left her house in days. (Except to go to that wedding?) Both choose to be instantly uncomfortable with the other one.

(BK's Take, sartorial: Feeling complicatedly about Whitney's sweatshirt fabric corset hoodie, which feels both like a complete and utter athleisure slay AND a melancholy nod to our current aesthetic moment. My heart violently breaks and then furiously repairs itself every time I look at it)

They move to the fire pit. Whitney tries to express her concerns for Heather (and the Eye), but Heather brings up the "friendship break" of it all. Whitney is unable to process her fillings about her friendship with Heather in real time, and ends up being clumsy with her words; Heather than takes these words and throws them at her. The conversation moves on when Heather says, "You don't even know about anything that's going on in my life," Heather says. "You don't even know how I got my black eye, so..."

What is she getting at? Whitney is like, do you remember what happened to your eye? As she goes over the details of what she knows, Heather lets out a psychotic little giggle. "It's all part of the mystery of the eye!" Why is she speaking like a storybook chimera?

Whitney asks more questions; Heather answers them with silence. Finally she says, "I remember how I got it, and other people know how I got it too,"

Whitney is like: How come I don't know?

Heather says:

Friendship break, friendship break, friendship break, Heather keeps saying. It seems like Whitney does want to repair their friendship, but Heather keeps insisting she actually doesn't. By hinting at Whitney's other friendships in the group, it seems as though Heather's real problem lies with the fact that Whitney no longer hates Lisa's guts. But in conversation, she simply says that their relationship is unfixable, and to suggest it can be fixed is somehow taking Heather for granted.

Kind of a weird, sad ending to an otherwise good episode. Sending love and light to all of our ladies, but especially Lisa; Heather needs to stop burning bridges and start building them; Jen Shah trust you will be dealt with. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Season Finale next week!! I'm excited... and scared. –BK

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Gay Imagery

Heather performing the "Uncork Her and Pork Her" dance from John Tucker Must Die to the tune of "Snitches get stitches."

I liked this outfit and I don't mind saying so.

[bonniehooper]

Top Picks of 2023

My Top 12 Favorite TV Shows - #8: The Walking Dead: Dead City

Show Premiered: June 18th, 2023

Started Watching: ^

[fran-valz]

Some highlights from the slop that is the AI Worm audiobook on YouTube Music.

Ai Taylor confronts lung, who has just transformed into a giant evil spiderman with bug wings.

Taylor shows that the bug antennas are a canon part of the costume, she might be changing race every other chapter.

Brian flexes on the dogs and a 10 year old Rachel (This is the only time Brian is portrayed as black)

Wasp skitter fights the ghost rider gang.

White Brian gives Taylor or Lisa a bug inside of a giant amber, while the rest of the Undersiders watch, including their latest recruit, a disembodied leg.

Canary is on space trial being represented by a robot lawyer.

DC fans execute nightwing cosplayer.

Taylor or Faultline single handedly take down the merchants in their sci-fi military base.

Superman checks his emails in a dark room.

Skitter comes back to her modest cabin after a long day working in the mines, her wife is preparing some horrific looking food.

The PRT council discusses a derpy-looking photo of Taylor.

????

Theo fights Taylor using his iconic venom suit in front of the spider mastermind.

Wasp Skitter and Mecha Weaver save the city once again

[genderfluid-insomniac]

GENSHIN S/Os WHEN THEIR LOVER TURNS INTO AN ANIMAL

Characters: Aether, Albedo, Al Haitham, Amber, Ayaka, Ayato, Beidou, Candace, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Dehya, Gorou, Heizou, Itto, Kaeya, Kazuha, Lisa, Lumine, Layla, Nahida, Ningguang, Raiden Shogun, Scaramouche, Shenhe, Tartaglia, Thoma, Tighnari, Venti, Xiao, Yae Miko, Yelan, Zhongli

A/N: I've been working on this for a while and it got backed up thanks to finals but I hope you all like it!!

Aether (golden retriever)

It’s quite a fun morning when you wake up to a flurry of cries and laughter along with a big furry retriever pouncing on you as you just woke up.

You happily cried out for help and Paimon came to your rescue asking where Aether is, still cuddling and petting the cream colored fur as the dog's head rested on your lap.

On the dog's ear was aethers earring and you took a guess, asking the dog if he was your lover to which you got a pretty excited bark and more “kisses”.

The day is pretty much one of the best days ever as Aether gets to fawn over with cuddles and free food while you get to skip your responsibilities, running through the lands and laughing at the playful games you all played.

It’s decided that it was the result of a side effect of a domain your boyfriend recently cleared and it wore off after 24 hours but to say you were glad that it was over would be a lie.

Albedo (snow leopard)

He is a menace especially since snow leopards thrive in colder climates and naturally blend in with snow means a full day of hide and seek on Dragonspine, chasing him around and watching him observe the dancing hillichurls.

‘Bedo is of course going to let Klee pet him and cuddle near a fire if it’s cold (you get priority too), pawing at the knee for attention or to continue combing through his soft thick fur and wiggling around to show his stomach for pets.

You’re going to have to keep an eye on him as the now cat alchemist is going to try to perform experiments on himself to figure how he got in this position and with his large paws he’ll give you his best cute eyes for your help, please say no his fur almost got dyed neon pink.

Kaeya is no doubt going to catch wind of the situation and tease him about gaining a new fur coat to replace his usual white one, casually speaking about how you’re suddenly available since your boyfriend is an oversized house cat.

The cavalry captain gets a snarl and small but fierce roar as he sees Albedo get in front of you and slowly move towards him, both of you don’t see kaeya for the rest of the day and your furry alchemist lover demands rubs.

By the end of the day there will be two sheets of papers with a charcoal paw print on it and a messily done heart, paper slightly shredded but you and Klee love his gift anyway.

Alhaitham (Madagascar day gecko)

Like Albedo is a menace and uses his new form to hide from you and play games but most importantly get info that he normally wouldn’t be able to get as he’s now an ordinary seeming gecko.

Most likely he’ll find you before you find him, climbing up your back with his padded toes and smirking (you think) at your confused scattered self.

Alhaitham can’t just go about his day as normal so he does have to rely on your help much to his disagreement, wandering through the stalls and purchasing fruits for you both.

All in all a very relaxing day for the scholar compared to what he’s used to and did have fun being able to be pretty much inconspicuous, playing “catch me if you can” with his significant other.

Amber (french lop bunny)

Probably has to do with Albedo or something she ran into while being an outrider but nonetheless loves it, finally she’s like her baron bunny and adorably fluffy.

Jean gives her the day off because there really isn’t anything Amber can do in her current state and she could get hurt, you end up having a fun day to yourselves and walking through Mondstadt in with bunny amber cuddled in your arms.

You can’t help but prepare a satisfying salad for her and you, sitting just outside the city and enjoying the wind brushing through Amber’s whiskers.

The way her cotton tail twitches when she’s excited or her high hops in tall grass chasing after you, every soft small part of her is too cute.

Ayaka (persian teacup kitty)

Thoma’s going to come up to you with a mixed expression of worry and awkwardness, his hands hiding a furry pale blue moving ball that unfurled to be a kitten and according to Thoma…your girlfriend.

You’re too busy cooing over her cute cat form to listen to what Thoma was saying besides her not being able to take care of her duties, entrusting you to take care of her and watch over Miss Kamisato.

Most of the day is in her room watching her struggle to walk and fall whenever she tries to stand on two legs, not only not being able to reach items because she’s a cat but she’s a teacup cat.

She does have to admit that you’re adorable from her point of view and you give the best scratches behind her ear while she’s laying on soft blankets and weaving between your legs.

Ayato (peacock)

This is one of the best and worst days for him because he gets a day off of work for a valid reason and he gets to show off how pretty is to you. Thoma and his sister cannot stop doubling over with laughter.

The lord is almost always puffed up and displaying his feathers for you to enjoy, following you around like it’s the only possible option and occasionally cawing to get your attention.

Several times Inazumans came up to you while you were running errands and warned you that there was a very large color bird “stalking” you, turning around to see your lover trying to impress you

It was very clear that this magnificent bird was Ayato Kamisato based on its attitude and coloring but how it happened….. who knows?

Beidou (Treeing walker Coonhound)

It’s quite a shock to see the captain of the Crux fleet basking and swimming in liyue harbor under the hot sun, perking up when her nose caught your scent and shook the water off her much to the crews displeasure.

There are a couple pros when you inevitably go to Ningguang to inform her of the situation and Beidou goes right to tackling the leader with tons of wet kisses and barks, looking back at you with what you swear is a smirk or cocky expression.

As a hound she gets so many snuggles from the children and elders but her enhanced hearing and smell allow her to find more illegal deals or goods being stolen and smuggled by treasurer hoarders (they can’t hardly believe that this dogs is somehow on Captain Beidou’s size till they see you and they bolt without the goods).

At the end of the day you and her are at the front of the ship, overlooking the lanterns decorating Liyue Harbor and having your girlfriend on your lap cuddled up close to you with her head nuzzled into your stomach.

Baizhu (ball python snake)

Since he’s already used to Changsheng being on him 24/7 Baizhu going to know what to do in order to keep himself alive until whatever this is wears off but until then you and Qiqi will have to help run Bubu Pharmacy, your lover coiled around your neck to help you like his own snake as Chengsheng is around Qiqi’s hat.

It isn’t a surprise that Baizhu is playful in his serpent form, racking his brain for when or how this could have happened when he’s normally so aware of his situations but chose to ignore the reason and press light kisses again.

You take breaks for both yourself and your new snake partner who Zhongli immediately recognises but chooses not to comment on while you order food from Wanmin restaurant, going just out of the city to find some some rodents for Baizhu to snack on and holding back a gag reflex when you saw the bulge in his coils.

Whenever it’s hot out his cold bloodedness comes in handy for both of you and trailing down your body to get herbs when you cannot find them, coming back to your arms before coiling around your wrist and dropping the herbs on the counter but not without giving you a nuzzle which gets a funny comment from the customer.

Candace (coyote)

It's unusual to wake up to a coyote instead of your girlfriend but weirder things have happened before strangely enough and both of you have work to do so you couldn’t just laze about and cuddle your new canine companions.

Although now being a coyote, she can cover the area surrounding Aaru village better and fast with four legs, using her intimidation as a fierce wild dog to scare away potential threats with her bared fangs and chasing them off.

You went to work and notified people that yes Candace is okay but she was called away by the Akademiya on a mission in the desert and to come to you with concerns until she was back.

Tiredly smiling when the sun hit the horizon and you saw her slip into the village, playing around with some children before heading to you and encouraging you to brush the grit out of her fur while sunbathing.

Neither of you knew what caused this but it ended the next morning and you both chalked it up to some strange harmless magic, laughing about the fun memories while you woke up and went about your day.

Cyno (death stalker scorpion)

He’s not going to even try come up with a logical reason for how this happened but does find it ironic and is happy that he’s now the most venomous scorpion in all of Teyvat but is now terrified that he’ll accidently sting you hence why when you wake up he’s on the opposite side of the room with a book on your desk open to his species.

Immediately going to find Alhaitham with your help and bug him, pure amusement filling his heart when his colleague glared at him and skittering closer with his tail threatening to sting him. An unspoken threat hangs in the air, the Mahamatra daring the Scribe to mock his jokes without consequence.

Cyno grows to enjoy his new form as he’s just as threatening as he was when he was human and even gets more confessions as he points his stinger at the criminals neck with another Matra coldly asking him to just confess already (you’d informed the Akademiya that Cyno had been turned into a scorpion which Nahida got a kick out of but did confirm the truth).

Late in the afternoon both of you were laying on a rock in Gandharva Ville with the sun warming up your boyfriend, Tighnari had just finished examining your lover and gaining some venom from the scorpion in order to work out an anti-venom just in case but left to two of you sleeping.

Dainsleif (fruit bat)

You rarely see Dainseif because of his constant traveling but he always seems to be there when you need him and stays for as long as he can before he slips away to take care of his personal issues.

Although through everything you’ve seen with Dainsleif this has to take cake, opening your window around midnight when you heard some taps and yelping when a bat flew into your bedroom.

Clinging to your shirt and looking up at you, key details being a half mask-like mark across his face and your boyfriend's signature star eyes stopping all words coming out of your mouth. Was this your lover? It couldn’t be- but who else looked like that. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

Welp now that all your plans were cancelled since your lover unexpectedly is here and now turned into a bat for some reason but nonetheless you sat with Dain hanging from your shoulder eating a juicy fruit you’d given him and looking at you with love filled eyes.

Dehya (Bengal Tiger)

Personally thinks this is an upgrade and takes advantage of it for as long as it lasts, giving you “puppy dog eyes” to explain to Rahman what’s happened but to let her continue her jobs with you as her translator (no way she’d allow any harm to come to you) and begrudgingly agreeing to let her go.

You make sure to pack up some water and snacks (having to go out and buy some food for your tiger girlfriend) so you are nourished during the journey, setting out with a happy oversized cat purring and rubbing against you with no care of the onlookers concerned or confused faces.

All of her work goes smoothly with you having to occasionally step in to explain what’s happened and her enemies not willing to fight an overgrown pyro infused tiger with only a simple weapon.

Evening is one of the best, both of you laying down in front of the fire and stroking the big cat that’s smothering you with wet kisses, chuffing while nudging her head against your hand as you take another piece of fruit for yourself and some grilled meat for her.

Diluc (red tailed hawk)

Usually you woke up to your fire haired lover’s tight grip on your waist before he’d kiss your head and sneak off to get ready for his busy day but today you awoke to a soft chirp and light nips to your cheek by a red tailed hawk. Strangely it wasn’t freaking out externally but tried to get more comfortable next to you as you just froze in shock and looked around the room for your lover or some explanation of what’s going on.

Your feathery friend flew over to a pile of Diluc’s uniform and dropped his glove and vision in your lap, picking up the edge of the glove with its beak and trying to slip the glove over its talon. Its scarlet eyes desperately looking at you with some sort of desire only known to it and causing your thoughts to wander to how similar the bird and him were.

Eventually accepting that your boyfriend was now a bird for an unspecified period of time and calling in Adelinde to explain the situation in order to cancel or reschedule any business meetings. You carded your fingers through Diluc’s red feathers who was now on your shoulder observing the view from outside the Winery and flew out to one of the rows of grapes, picking off one with his talons and eating it with a content coo.

Both of you did have to go into Mondstat to take care of Angel’s Share where Venti cackled upon seeing the famous intimidating bartender and Kaeya was a bit more snarky fully aware of the damage the hawk could inflict. But the aerial view of the city when he would fly around the cathedral was breathtaking to say the least and he wished more than anything to share this view with you, swooping down to you as you came to the base of Barbatos’s statue with to chicken skewers smiling up at him and offering him some dinner from Good Hunter.

Il Dottore (blue ringed octopus)

As far as you know this was probably his doing because frankly it seems like it was something he’d do just for kicks and it was another new accomplishment he could brag about but apparently something went awry when the fatui agent directly under his command came running to get you.

You were about to be handed an octopus but ripped your hands away when you realized the species of cephalopod to be the highly venomous blue ringed octopus which your lover often raved about and nearly yelled at the agent for attempting to kill you before the tiny sea creature pointed an arm towards a note on the doctor’s table.

After reading the note that basically said Dottore maybe fucked up by adding a chemical he wasn’t supposed to into his recent already unstable concoction and that you had to take care of him until the effects wore off in about 24 hours.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxing given you had to carry around a full container of water that your lover resided in. It was eventful with you occasionally slipping him bits of fish and having him climb up your arm to your shoulder to watch the world from your view compared to his small one.

Gorou (Shiba)

General Gorou personally doesn’t like this new development because some people (Yae Miko) already saw him as part dog despite various attempts of him doing everything he could to just get others to ignore his canine features.

So when he woke up one morning feeling a bit smaller than usual and went to rub his face but saw paws instead of his hand, freaking out and immediately turning over to wake you up but only getting out scared barks or whines.

After almost an hour of calming Gorou down with the help of Kokomi who agreed that until your boyfriend was back to normal he wouldn't be allowed to do any work as general.

Well Gorou wasn’t happy with the situation but he came around to liking it when he realized that he get’s to spend all of his time with you it clicked and eagerly asked for more cuddles now that you could both sleep in until lunch.

Heizou (ferret)

Chaos. I don’t feel like I need to say anything else if you know what ferrets are generally like and if you don’t then please look it up it’s hilarious (also fits Heizou’s personality to a T), but better pray for the Tenryou Commission when he wakes up and get ASAP before Sara breaks her “No killing Heizou under any circumstances” rule.

This boy is so slippery even when he’s human but loves to run around you while climbing you up and down as he gives playful kisses on your face, not to mention his coat is gorgeous with bits of tanish brown mixed with stripes of vibrant red and gold along his fur.

It’s going to take more than one person if they want to get him off of you, trying not to touch you in the wrong places as the guard attempts to get Heizou out from your clothes and even if they’re successful the detective is going to nip at them so he can further secure himself around your neck.

You do love it when he’s peaceful, eating bits of fruits or grilled meat from your hand and nuzzling her soft cute face into your cheek (Heizou is going to make it up to you for all the trouble he caused later with cuddles).

Itto (bull)

Please help this man or bull who woke up so frightened that he wasn’t an Oni anymore that he crashed through a wall of your house and it took the entire gang, including both shinobu and you with the threat of Kujou Sara to get him to stop rampaging.

Also in this I imagine that he’s not Ushi sized but full on bull sized but with his signature red horns and red marking colored in his black/grey fur.

It’s going to take more than a couple minutes to tell him what’s going on (Sara already has Heizou trying to figure out what happened) but afterwards finds it pretty cool and naturally offers local Inazuman kids a ride.

You ensure them it’s safe with you going on him as well and the entire day is filled with the laughs of kids thanking their favorite Oni for bull rides, whispering comments to you about your lover’s protectiveness whenever another person gets a bit too close for comfort (like anyone would want to face off against an angry bull).

Kaeya (peacock)

This man is already cocky but now as he’s a bird know for being gorgeous and pretty, will not stop preening himself or looking for some way to impress you.

Each of his feathers has his signature star eye instead of it’s normal colors on his plumage which doesn’t take long to put two and two together, calming yourself down and laughing at your lover’s attempt to console you by perching himself on your lap (encouraging you to use his soft feather to distract yourself).

Both of you silently agree that it’d cause way more of an issue if you went out with an unusually colored peacock of all things (something not native to Mondstadt) and stayed home, sneaking out to walk among the gardens at twilight and admire the luminescent moon lighting up the path.

Kazuha (yellow ragdoll cat)

Such a good kitty he is, doesn’t panic upon realizing his new form but does have some concerns and atm he can’t do anything so he might as well relax with you until you start your day which doesn’t take long.

He’s so adorably cute and you cannot help yourself when you sweep him up in your arms, your lover is happily purring and swiping his paw over the signature red streak to hopefully clue you in. Luckily you took it well with minor panic but ultimately hoped it’d wear off after a day or so and scratched his head as you strolled through Inazuma City.

Many people flock to you and ask to pet your “cat”, commenting on his red streak and cooing at him whenever he walks around on your shoulders purring.

The samurai naturally attracts cats, so expect to be followed by a herd of cats which isn’t bad because they’re all so fluffy and Kazuha would rather nap on you when you’re basking in the sun which leads to a cuddle pile.

Kokomi (full moon betta fish)

Honestly how either of you got into this scenario is a mystery but needless to say it involved a very worried and concerned general Gorou cradling a small glass bowl with a beautiful pink and purple white full moon betta fish.

Most of the day was spent carefully resting in Kokomi’s room in order to avoid any soldiers in case they came looking when Gorou informed the resistance that her excellency wasn’t feeling well which wasn’t technically a lie although your girlfriend tried to convey that she wanted to go outside and swim in some shallow pools.

The happiness you could feel coming off her in waves as she excitedly swam among the shores of Watatsumi Island and fluttered about in between your legs when you walked in the water beside her.

Soon or later you ran with her in her bowl trying to escape Gorou for yelling at you for “endangering” Kokomi and understanding you’re her significant other but that doesn’t mean you get to steal her away (your girlfriend begged to differ).

Layla (sloth)

It fits her very well mostly due to how cute she is and her clinginess whenever she’s asleep, waking up one morning to feel a tight grasp on your waist and being a bit frightened to see a small icy blue sloth peacefully sleeping on your stomach.

You looked around to see your girlfriend’s signature star head accessory sitting atop their head, having heard to the Akademiya’s recent mess you’d believe pretty much anything and your Layla being an adorable sloth was not your life until the foreseeable future.

After locking the door so she couldn’t do any of her work (not like she could anyway), you went out to the nearby markets to get some breakfast and kept her close to you, her arms now wrapped around your neck and happily stared at your focused expressions.

Upon her request (really just her pointing at the House of Daena repeatedly) you went into the library and checked out some books in a small corner to her joy, cooing at her cute form and running your hands through her fur which she seemed to like).

Lisa (fine haired Persian cat)

You were in the library petting a gorgeous Persian lavender cat when the Acting Grandmaster bust into the room frantically asking if you knew where Lisa was and yelling that someone went wrong when the librarian as helping Albedo out with a recent experiment only to see you with the cat happily purring on your lap. “Oh good you found her.”

Obviously after the explanation that your lover had been accidently turned into a cat you couldn’t help but coo at her more than you did before you knew and cozy up in a faraway section of the library with some pillows and take a nap among the many books lining the shelves.

Napping away when the sun warmed both of you up and groaning when she pawed your face with her little fuzzy mittens, yawning as you got up to get food for both of you at good hunter and brought her back to your little pillow nest.

Lumine (cream tabby cat)

Just like Aether you woke up to a sound you hadn’t heard in a while which was a very friendly pale yellow tabby cat sleeping on your chest whose eyes fluttered as you began to fully wake up and nudged your cheek affectionately.

It didn’t take a genius to realize somehow that the traveler had somehow turned into a cat and until further knowledge so you had no choice but to care for your girlfriend, who was happily getting a lot of attention from you.

Your companions found this very amusing and Paimon did occasionally laugh at the way the traveler plays with the leaf being tossed about in the wind but quickly shuts up when she tries to take a swipe at Paimon.

There isn’t an hour where you and her aren’t connected in some way and Lumine often naps on top of your shoulders as you go about your day doing your chores, chuckling to yourself at the content purring kitty sleeping on around your neck.

Nahida (butterfly)

A/N: this can be read as either platonic or familial love

It’s not going to be easy to find her but she’ll let you know very easily via a dream and she archon magic, flapping her gorgeous green and white wings all around you while dropping small flowers on you.

Nahida is definitely going to need some help when it comes to eating and you can definitely hear phantom giggles as you cut into a slide of zaytun peach, biting into one yourself and lifting it to your shoulder where the dendro archon is perched.

There is no doubt that she’s going to lead to to the Aranara Village, introducing you to all her friends who without a doubt both know it’s her and adore you (many flower crowns were made for you that day and you brought all of them home).

You can tell just by how Nahida acts (even if it’s just flying about) that she’s happy to have another form of freedom where she doesn’t have to be Sumeru’s archon and just have fun, gliding from flower to flower that just seem to reach towards her every time she passes them.

Pantalone (arabian horse)

All you woke up to really loud noises and a bunch of whining which scared you awake and nearly screamed when you saw a fully grown black stallion worriedly pacing around the room, quickly backing yourself against the headboard and rapidly looking around for your lover but calling out his name.

To your surprise the horse looks your way and something in his eyes softens before stopping to a halt, nudging something towards you that was knocked onto the floor and picking it up to see it was Pantalone’s slightly cracked glasses.

No explanation could be given but you did have a very amusing time trying to get him out of the house without damaging or breaking anything, but the harbinger got back at you by sweeping you up on his back and galloping across the snowy fields.

You could vaguely hear happy winnies whenever you yelped or shrieked from the fast pace he was setting and would use his head to nudge you back onto his back. Anyone could tell that this horse was very prideful about its handsome appearance and you couldn’t deny it.

Raiden Shogun (Jaguar)

Needless to say walking back into your shared room only to see a violet patterned jaguar was enough to get you to call out to nearby guards and your breath fell short when you got the big cats attention, freezing in place as you slowly backed up and dropped the desserts had bought for you both.

You didn’t even have to run because it easily smelled the sweets and laid down to munch of them, nudging one toward you and watching you keenly with her tail swishing idly behind her; of course that’s when the guards came in and pushed you behind them in order to stop you from being harmed.

After a long accident involving the cat hissing at the guards and keeping you behind her, lifting her chest to show an exact copy of the symbol the archon had and sparks of lightning emanating from her paws marking up the matted floors. The message was clear that this was somehow their archon and didn't touch what’s important to her, without hesitation Yae Miko was called.

Ei was so much more calm when they left, you could feel that she was overall done with everyone and just wanted to relax with you (which you both did), escaping away to the secret garden where you hid among some flowers and napped with your lover now a jaguar purring quite happily.

Kunikuzushi/Wanderer (black ragdoll cat)

Nahida called urgently called you to the Sanctuary of Surasthana because something worrisome had happened involving the wanderer and to not panic because it wasn’t too bad, the situation you got only increased your anxiety when you ran in through the doors only to hear the archon’s voice yelling to “Close the door before he gets out!” and briefly seeing a black puff ball scurrying towards you while hissing.

The obsidian ragdoll cat uses you as a shield as he angrily hisses and takes swipes at Kusanali who is clearly having a lot of fun although it seems very stressful, thanking you and scolding the cat who she calls “Wanderer” for trying to escape when someone was trying to help him (you do a double take at that).

She explains that she doesn’t have an explanation but roughly knows what happened and most likely angered some Aranara who specialized in illusion magic to which you try and pay attention to her however your eyes haven’t left your lover’s pale indigo ones.

You go to pick him up (he strangely gave you a onceover before jumping onto your chest without warning) and nearly fell while glaring at him annoyed with his actions, the anemo user only squirmed in your arms to get more comfortable and blinked up at you once settled with false innocent eyes that you were all too familiar with.

Thankfully it was raining so even if he did get out he wouldn’t get far, so begrudgingly agreed to stay at the Sanctuary until he changed back and (much to his embarrassment) started purring when you pet him right behind the ears, looking around to double check if the damned archon was around before allowing himself to relax and wind his tail around your hand lovingly.

Shenhe (red crowned crane)

For sure is going to wake up confused and curious, pecking you awake as softly as she can and nudging you with her head to try to get you up.

At first you thought that she was Cloud Retainer and freaked out, scrambling out of bed and brushing the invisible dirt off your clothes to greet her correctly.

Upon noticing that it was your girlfriend, you chose to ask Cloud Retainer herself who also didn’t know what was going on but assured you it was temporary.

Shenhe flew across the lakes, freezing the water in spiral patterns and landing gracefully on the ice to invite you over to skate.

Tartaglia (red fox)

Him and Heizou have something in common and it’s still being able to cause mass amounts of chaos despite being non human, the entire day will be spent chasing him around while you try to clean up the messes he “accidently” causes.

No doubt one of his antics is going to be finding Zhongli and being playful but just tolerable enough to not be thrown into Liyue harbor, squealing and gekkering when Hu Tao came up to ruffle his tangled fur.

By mid afternoon you’d given up searching for your boyfriend and gone to sit by the harbor, swinging your legs off the dock and feeling a certain soft fox cuddle his way under your arms as an apology.

Thoma (Shiba)

You’re called over by the Kamisato siblings who were trying their best to keep it together and hold in their laughter while they led you to a room containing a dog that looked suspiciously like Taroumaru, noticing that he wore your lover's black metal headband and similar happy go lucky smile.

The two explained that somehow Thoma had been transformed into a shiba when they came to check in on him when he hadn’t said good morning and the only idea they had was to get you so no one else found out, asking you to watch over him until either of them found out a way to turn him back.

Thoma who’d been contently laying in your lap and snuggling against the hand petting him perked up at that sentences, barely able to contain his barks of excitement and running circles around you.

It was rare that the housekeeper got a day off and this was a strange incident but he’d take it, leaving you to chase after him through the city and coming back with some food a chef had given him because of his cuteness.

Tighnari (fennec fox)

There’s really nothing different except for the lack of control, short height, people cooing over him- yeah he officially hates it and scampers off into the Avidya forest to continue his duties. Even if he’s now an actual fennec fox instead of just being a hybrid like he was previously, a small hiccup isn’t going to stop him no matter how much Collei pleaded.

He is shocked that you instantly know who he is based on his various shades of green and blue coat coloring (not missing the hint of pink on his ears and nose) and hazel curious eyes, looking around before jumping into your arms and silently pleading for you to hide him.

You do manage to convince him to take a walk through the forest towards a small river runs and sweet Zaytun Peaches, mint, and Harra fruit grow; biting into one of them and savoring its sweet flavor before offering the other to Tighnari who happily took it.

He gives you the best privilege you could ever have and it’s cuddling him as a fox, it isn’t surprising you fall asleep with your boyfriend in your arms who is slowly falling victim to fatigue as well (he didn’t notice Collei peaked through the door and took a picture for later).

Venti (Mocking Bird)

Like Tighnari, the archon is already like a bird so it doesn’t affect him so much until you and Diluc tell him that he can’t drink any alcohol cause it might kill him in this form and he’s not going to chance leaving you behind in this world (although the face the red head made after you were finally able to convince him the bird was Venti was pure gold).

Your boyfriend never leaves your side and is able to hear all the songs that he can make as a mocking bird, including anything he overhears from anyone else and being able to mimic it completely.

He spends most of his time nested in your hair and showing off his beautiful feather pattern to his beloved, green and blue swirls painted on his brown and white wings (a small Anemo symbol placed on his chest).

Windrise’s massive oak tree provides lots of shade and roots for sitting on as you sit against the bark as Venti flutters about in the air joyously, occasionally stopping and giving you a love peck while he picks up some diced apple with his beak to nice.

Xiao (Blue-backed Manakin)

Takes the whole “fierce harsh warrior” and turns it on its head as he tries to figure out if this new form is because of his karma or just the world laughing at him, overall is very grumpy and does his best to avoid you knowing you’ll coo over his new bird form.

Light but harsh repeated pecking against glass gets your attention and you see a small bluish black manakin bird perched on the window sill trying to get out but freezing when they lock eyes with you.

You recognise the purple triangle that your lover has tattooed on his forehead and remember something he had mentioned about his previous form being a bird, putting the two together and scooping him into your hands; five minutes later both you are on the same page and will later see Zhongli for help but for now you’re okay with some snuggles after some puppy eyes (which Xiao knows he can’t stand strong against).

When the time finally arrives to find the ex-geo archon, Xiao finds a comfy stop nestled on top of your head (bonus point that he can also keep in contact with you and lookout) and does unconsciously let out small chirps when you nuzzle his chest or mention how beautiful his feathers are (which you wish could keep one and luckily enough are gifted one by him as your arrive in Liyue).

Yae Miko (arctic fox)

The Guiji does change into her fox form on occasion and when you’re at your lowest in need of comfort but never out in public where others can see her but something must have gone wrong because now she can’t transform back into her human form which alarms both her and you.

Doesn’t let anyone see her and curls up in her room as she tries to figure out what happened however you manage to sneak into her room, using your puppy dog eyes to your advantage.

Yelan (Black widow spider)

Something was scattering across your face and opening your eyes to see a larger than normal black widow spider to which your reaction was to scream in fear, throwing the spider to the other side of your room and desperately checking your face for bites while grabbing a big book on the shelf next to you.

When you turned back the arachnid was busy using it’s webbing to write something on the floor, quirking your head so didn’t have to move but you could see and becoming genuinely shocked at the sight of your lovers name being written in blue glowing silk (it’s artist looking up at you with all 8 eyes).

It took a lot of patience but you came to accept the fact that your fiersome girlfriend was now one of the most venomous spiders in all of Teyvat until you could change Yelan back but you’d make the most of it and she’d weave complex designs out of her webbing for you.

Another perk was that the hydro user could now gather intel more easily because of her new form and much to your dismay she crept out of the house to continue on her recent mission but just before midnight you felt a soft cloth brush against your face (Yelan had made herself a little bed on the headboard).

Zhongli (standard bearded dragon)

Generally alright with his new form but isn’t happy that he can’t drink tea anymore whenever he tries which only ends in your holding all of his tea hostage for fear of what it’d do based to his reptile body and Zhongli with his now obsidian black beard rather than the normal beige.

He does enjoy basking in the Liyue sun that beats down on a roof he’s taken a liking to after giving you a slip and flattens himself out into (as you like to call it) “pancake mode” to best enjoy the sun’s heat.

Hu Tao upon hearing why he can’t come to work cannot stop laughing and taking photos via her Kamera but lets you both off until a solution appears.

The day consists of you with your lover on your shoulder and walking around the plains of Liyue, more than once does he speed off to investigate a commotion and finds out he is very fast on all fours.

[mellifiedprincess]

GOT MY FIRST MATT REQUEST😝 this is angsty to fluff, so be warned. i got kind of carried away and don’t have anyone to proofread my writing so sorry if this actually sucks ass.

“I’m gonna be working 16 hours again today, so I won’t be home until late.” You can feel the annoyance from your boyfriend before you even turn around. Matt absolutely hated when you worked long shifts like that, but he also knew you loved your job as a peds nurse. Still. He hated the hours. He hated how tired you were after work, all because you would pick up everyone else’s slack.

“Again? Baby-“ He stops himself, watching you pull the baby pink scrub top over your head. You can only laugh softly at his expression. “That’s the 3rd one this week.”

“I know, but I Lisa asked me to cover part of her shift. She’s always been super nice to me.”

That was one of the things Matt loved and hated about you, you were too nice. Always doing for others, never for yourself. And he worried you were gonna burn out.

He places his hands on your cheeks, placing a kiss to your slightly squished lips. “You’ve barely slept baby. You haven’t had anything to eat. You’re barely a person right now.”

“Matt, please don’t do this right now. I’m gonna be late.” You watch as he rolls his eyes, stepping away from you as you gather the rest of your things. “I know you’re just worried about me, but don’t be. I’m fine!”

“Just please text me and let me know you made it to the hospital okay, and let me know when you’re on the way home. Just so I know you didn’t fall asleep at the wheel.” He reaches out for you, and you greedily fall into his embrace. “I will. I love you, okay.” You place a soft kiss to his lips and smile sweetly. “I love you more baby.”

And with that you leave.

You kept your word of texting Matt and letting him know you made it to the hospital safely. Even sending him a cute little selfie of you blowing him a kiss.

But when he saw it was almost 45 minutes past the time you should have been home, he felt a pit of anxiety form in his stomach.

He immediately ended the game of fortnite he was playing, and grabbed his phone wasting no time in calling you.

No answer.

So he tried again. And again. And again.

No answer. So he calls the floor of the hospital you work on. Only for the nurse on the phone tell him, you left almost an hour ago.

Kid was shitting bricks he was so scared.

“Nick!” At the sound of Matt’s terrified voice, the older brother of the triplets rushes into his room. “What?” Nick asks as he watches a frantic Matt put his shoes on. “I need you and Chris to take the other car and help me look for Y/N.” This only confuses Nick more.

“Isn’t she at work? And we can’t drive without our-“ “She’s not answering her phone. She left work almost an hour ago. She should have been back by now!” Matt cuts Nick off, trying his best not to break down.

Next to his brothers, you were the most important person in Matt’s life. The thought of anything happening to you made his want to throw up.

“You need to breathe before you pass out. Y/N is fine Matt, she’s gonna be okay.” Nick rubs comforting circles on his back, trying his best to calm his younger brother down.

“Maybe she fell asleep in the parking lot.”

You were not in the hospital parking lot when Matt arrived, only making his anxiety worse. “She’s not here!” He tells his brothers who are on the phone with him as they drive around the city in search of you.

“Chris is gonna take me back home, in case she shows up, but he’s gonna keep looking.”

Matt was barely listening anymore, because as he turned to get back on the highway he sees your car. And when he looks closer, he sees you in it. Asleep.

“I just found her and I’m going to kill her, right after I tell her how much I love her.” “Is she okay?” Chris asks.

“She fell asleep in her car. She’s fine.” Matt hangs up after that. He was relieved to say the least, but so furious with your stupidity.

As he gets out of his car and walks up to your window, he allows himself to take a minute to actually breathe.

You’re startled out of your sleep to a tap on your window, looking up you meet the eyes of your very angry looking boyfriend.

As soon as you unlock the door, he’s pulling it open and unbuckling your seatbelt. “I’m so sorry-“ He cuts you off by pulling you into his chest, and you can feel the rapid beat of his heart against yours.

“Do you have any idea how fucking worried we were?” You begin to gnaw at the inside of your cheek, the feeling of guilt all consuming your body. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize I was falling asleep.”

“I need you to realize how stupid and dangerous that was. We’re not in Maine or Utah, baby. We’re in LA. You know from working in a hospital how dangerous it is here.” He knows he should be a little more cautious with his words, but fuck he was scared.

“I’m sorry. I closed my eyes for two seconds! I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Matt stops himself from berating you anymore, knowing you probably feel guilty enough. “Just- go get in the car. I’ll grab your things.” “I can’t leave my car here-“ You don’t even finish your sentence at the look Matt gives you.

You get in the passenger seat of his car and watch as he grabs your things, and double checks that your car is locked, before settling in the drivers seat.

“I need you to really listen to me when I say this.” You turn in your seat to face him, his hand reaching for yours. To comfort you or himself, he’s not too sure at this point.

“The next time you even think there’s a possibility of you falling asleep like that, I’m talking you yawn for 2 seconds longer than usual, you better call me. I don’t care what time it is. I love you and you scared the hell out of me tonight.”

“I’m sorry, Matty. I love you and promise I’ll never do anything like that again.” He smiles softly, and places a delicate kiss to your palm.

Now that you’ve faced the repercussions of Matt, you spent the drive home preparing yourself for the inevitable lecture to come from the one and only Nicolas Sturniolo.

[thatdeadaquarius]

GREETINGS! How are you doing? I've been practically gobbling up your posts (there very tasty)

Ok so hear me out- I've seen a couple posts like this but imagine-

The almighty all powerful wise creator isss

✨️A literal child✨️

Thanks for hearing me out! For you ->->❤️

Baby you taking on the world aw

DAMN SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER!! i started fics before i answered my askbox :/

Aw i fucking love child reader stuff,

Lots of isekai animes/manhwa/manga do it and i eat that shit up everytime-

I also deeply appreciate when its not done creepily, like being turned 8 again, and having crushes on others who are... yknow, actually 8 yrs old or sm fucked up shit, like even if its 16 yr olds that doesnt make it any better, bc the protag will actually be like,, actually 20?!?!💀 the straights r wild man, i feel like it happens either way too, like its usually a male MC but thats just bc theyre more common tbh, like regardless of gender of protag 🥲

☆

Sun: Child God Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Short Headcanons

Stars: Mondstadt ppl bc i don't show them i love them enough

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: none known & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment any I missed. /gen

Klee has recruited converted you to throwing bombs with her.

You are the only leash on that child too and the only thing standing between Jean and full head of gray hair. 💀

Kaeya doesn’t know whether he’s endlessly worried or endlessly amused that the most powerful god is currently a child

if Jean isnt freaking out over ur whereabouts, Diluc is instead, and worst case scenario, Noelle/Lisa/Albedo is in charge of you

and YES someone has to look out for you, bc ur ass will just start making a hot springs spot like ur in ur teapot or smth in dragonspine (Albedo was fascinated it stayed warm despite the weather so he let you make it/enjoy it before asking u to restore natural order lol)

(Albedo has definitely asked to study you and, unfortunately for Jean, asked u to demonstrate several powers u have)

You do work as a lucky charm for Bennett tho so he does babysit u sometimes

it mostly consists of Fischl, Benny, and Razor “adventuring” by trying to do smth like who can jump on the Anemo slimes and ride them around longest

(the answer is you btw, u managed to get a small fleet of them to bus you around, the teens were simultaneously terrified running around below u to catch you and also amazed)

Noelle is so happy making toddler you all the pancakes you can eat, Sucrose had to stop her from going overboard and not just listening completely to kids when it comes to food

She is now very concerned with making you a balanced diet, tho she will still make u an ungodly tall stack of pancakes every now and then <3

They kind of all equally provide for you, obv ur their god, and ur a literal cutie patootie child, they cant just leave you

(also u might like move a mountain or change the weather or smth if they don't watch you so most are a little paranoid of that too)

Lisa gets u all kinds of cute outfits, still stuff you'd like, but definitely snuck in some sumeru looking clothing lol

Fischl lends you all kinds of books to read, Bennett shows u all the cool views in the city and outside of it (when Jean lets him get away with taking u that far), and Razor…

Razor brings you to Andrius and the wolf pack for a wolf pack party and gives u all kinds of shiny trinkets he’d collected for you

Diluc/Jean/Noelle/Eula nearly had a heart attack when they found out

Amber lets you have all the piggyback rides you want lol

she even managed with her own crafting powers (and your probably editing the game code or smth) she somehow makes a reinforced glider with a small harness on the back for you to glide with her

(Venti has definitely helped for some fun flights by boosting the winds for you two)

SPEAKING OF BARBATOS

ur absolutely spoiled rotten by him (and Dvalin, and Andrius, and the wind sprites)

if this god had money he’d spend it on wine and you lol

takes u flying all the time, any time, would drop everything to go to Mondstadt wilds and use his archon form wings to take you wherever you wanna go

tries to bring u to Angel’s Share but Diluc nearly hits him on the head with a wine bottle and brings you back home after kicking Venti out and giving you grape juice (yes you get all you want, within a healthy amount)

anyway the most important part abt you being a god and child is that you can now fulfill your childhood dreams of riding a dragon whenever you want

(one way to quickly get Mondstadt citizens to trust Dvalin again was just constantly seeing him flying overhead, occasionally seeing a small child on his back also helped lol)

(neither you nor Venti tell Jean you ride Dvalin and keep it an active secret from her.)

☆

srry i took so long! i hope u liked my hot mess of writing (i think its even sloppier than usual bc of all the fic writing full sentences lately)

and if not, I'm sorrryyy 😭😭

I'm focusing on getting thru a haul of asks before getting around to posting that Eldritch AU Part 2 if anyone reads this :)

hope u guys are have a great weekend, thanks for all the birthday wishes!! :D

Safe Travels Anon,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[mothandpidgeon]

P Boy Podcasts

I was swapping podcast recs with @schnarfer and asked her what kind of podcasts would each of the Pedro boys host? (I’m a bit of a podcast junkie. I'm literally listening to one right now.) Well, we were brainstorming and I went and created episode art for each of their shows. Which ones are you subscribing to?

Nic on Nic Get a peek into the brain of legendary talent Nicolas Cage. Cage collaborator (and fanboy) Javi Guttierez is watching everything from Con Air to National Treasure 2. Take a deep dive into the films of Nic Cage and hear exclusive interviews with the man himself.

The Unfortunates There are spies living among us, everyday people living double lives. What makes them do it? And how do they keep their secrets? Each week, Dave York shares a true story from the clandestine world of espionage. 

Foundlings Din Djarin’s parenting journey has never gone to plan because he never planned on becoming a dad! Come along as he navigates the challenges of single parenting a 50 year old son. Each week Din leads insightful discussions with a range of guests— pediatricians, parenting experts, and  other parents that are just trying to figure it all out.

Declassified Drugs, danger, and dames. The fall of Escobar made way for the Cali Cartel. Hear the story from  Agent Javier Pena as he recalls the hunt for the Cali Cartel and reveals details that have never been heard before. 

Tales from the Green Ezra shares spooky fales of distant worlds on this anthology fiction podcast. All set on the Green Moon, these bizarre and enthralling stories introduce you to a lush world filled with intrigue and danger. 

Heist The Mona Lisa only became a cultural icon after it was stolen in 1911. Learn about the greatest capers in the art world with host Marcus Pike. Hear first hand accounts going undercover during his time in the FBI. 

No Cap 4 best friends chat about anything and everything. Hear Santi, Will, Frankie, and Ben give their takes on dating, travel, and current events. You’ll love listening to them react to r/aita. 

UNKNOWN ZONE Alien encounter? Evidence of the lost city of Atlantis? Ghost fucking? Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Join celebrity host Dieter Bravo for real life brushes with the unknown!

Joel’s Construction Corner Have a burning home improvement question? Or maybe you just like a southern drawl? Host Joel Miller has 30 years of experience in contracting and he’s here to share his advice with you. As soon as he figures out how to use this damn computer. Ellie does the ad reads with a pun for every one. 

Hungry History What does the invention of margarine have to do with Napoleon? Did Marco Polo really introduce pasta to Italy? Which Founding Father had a craving for ice cream? Follow your stomach to discover the origins of your favorite foods as we travel back in time with host Pero Tovar. 

--

I might've gone overboard. But I wish these all existed???

If you reblog this please rec me your favorite podcasts in the tags.

[batboyblog]

My Super Gay/Queer Reading List

The Long Run by James Acker

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Another Dimension of Us by Mike Albo

Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak

Alan Cole Is Not a Coward by Eric Bell

Alan Cole Doesn’t Dance by Eric Bell

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

Felix Yz by Lisa Bunker

Last Bus to Everland by Sophie Cameron

Dragging Mason County by Curtis Campbell

The House of Impossible Beauties by Joseph Cassara

Peter Darling by Austin Chant

Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich

Half Bad by Sally Green

Half Wild by Sally Green

Half Lost by Sally Green

Heartbreak Boys by Simon James Green

Gay Club by Simon James Green

You’re the One That I Want by Simon James Green

We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra

Totally Joe by James Howe

After School Activities by Dirk Hunter

At the Edge of the Universe by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley by Shaun David Hutchinson

A Complicated Love Story Set in Space by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Boy Who Couldn’t Fly Straight by Jeff Jacobson

Haffling by Caleb James

The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune

A Destiny of Dragons by T.J. Klune

The Consumption of Magic by T.J. Klune

A Wish Upon the Stars by T.J. Klune

The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune

Flash Fire by T.J. Klune

Heat Wave by T.J. Klune

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune

Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg

The Bridge by Bill Konigsberg

Destination Unknown by Bill Konigsberg

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

Every Day by David Levithan

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

Ryan and Avery by David Levithan

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis

Take a Bow, Noah Mitchell by Tobias Madden

When Ryan Came Back by Devon McCormack

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Fraternity by Andy Mientus

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

The Art of Starving by Sam J. Miller

Hero by Perry Moore

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

More Than This by Patrick Ness

Junior Hero Blues by J.K. Pendragon

The City Beautiful by Aden Polydoros

When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid

Kens by Raziel Reid

Emmett by Lev A.C. Rosen

Jack of Hearts by Lev A.C. Rosen

Camp by Lev A.C. Rosen

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow High by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow Road by Alex Sanchez

So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez

The 99 Boyfriends of Micah Summers by Adam Sass

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

All Kinds of Other by James Sie

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

Freak Show by James St. James

Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein

The Dangerous Art of Blending In by Angelo Surmelis

366 Days by Kiyoshi Tanaka

The Language of Seabirds by Will Taylor

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Wild and Crooked by Leah Thomas

Because You’ll Never Meet Me by Leah Thomas

Spin Me Right Round by David Valdes

Always the Almost by Edward Underhill

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Tumblr got rid of yellow so I couldn't do pride colors, sorry!

If you want help picking something out just send me an ask with what kind of thing you're looking for and I'll select something for you, and if you end up reading something because you saw this list, please let me know

[mariacallous]

If you’ve rented an apartment in the US in the past several years, you may have had the sense that the game was rigged: Prices creep up not only at your building but at others throughout the city, seemingly in lockstep. A new civil lawsuit brought by the US Department of Justice today alleges that in many cases it’s not just in your head—and that a single company’s algorithm is to blame.

That company is RealPage, a Texas-based firm that provides commercial revenue management software for landlords. In other words, it helps set the prices of apartments. But it does so, the DOJ alleges in its lawsuit, by effectively helping its clients cheat; landlords feed rental rate and lease terms into the system, and the RealPage algorithm in turn spits out a suggested price that enables coordination and hinders competition.

“By feeding sensitive data into a sophisticated algorithm powered by artificial intelligence, RealPage has found a modern way to violate a century-old law through systematic coordination of rental housing prices,” deputy attorney general Lisa Monaco said in a statement.

RealPage’s reach is broad. It controls 80 percent of the market for software of its kind, which in turn is used to set prices of around 3 million units across the country, according to the DOJ. It already faces multiple lawsuits, including one from the state of Arizona and another in Washington, DC, where RealPage software is allegedly used to price more than 90 percent of units in large apartment buildings. RealPage’s algorithmic pricing first gained broader attention when a 2022 ProPublica investigation detailed how the company’s YieldStar software works.

The DOJ civil lawsuit, which was joined by the attorneys general of eight states, is a significant escalation in legal action against the company. It’s also a first for the DOJ, according to officials speaking on background during a call to discuss the complaint. While the government had previously filed criminal charges against an Amazon seller for algorithm-enabled price-fixing, this is the first civil action in which the algorithm itself, the Justice Department official says, was effectively the means of the violation.

The complaint itself quotes RealPage executives allegedly acknowledging anticompetitive aspects of its product. “There is greater good in everybody succeeding versus essentially trying to compete against one another in a way that actually keeps the entire industry down,” one RealPage executive allegedly wrote.

RealPage has repeatedly denied any allegations of antitrust violations, going so far as to publish a six-page digital pamphlet that claims to tell “the Real Story” about its products, along with an extensive FAQ page on a dedicated public policy website. The company did not immediately respond to a request for comment. “Attacks on the industry’s revenue management are based on demonstrably false information,” one section of that site reads. “RealPage revenue management software benefits both housing providers and residents.”

“We are disappointed that, after multiple years of education and cooperation on the antitrust matters concerning RealPage, the DOJ has chosen this moment to pursue a lawsuit that seeks to scapegoat pro-competitive technology that has been used responsibly for years,” said Jennifer Bowcock, senior vice president of communications and creative at RealPage, in an emailed statement. “RealPage’s revenue management software is purposely built to be legally compliant, and we have a long history of working constructively with the DOJ to show that."

The DOJ disagrees. “Algorithms don’t exist in a law-free zone,” said Monaco in a press conference to discuss the case. “Training a machine to break the law is still breaking the law.”

In this case, the complaint alleges that those algorithms consistently drove rental prices upward. “RealPage’s software tends to maximize price increases, minimize price decreases, and maximize landlords’ pricing power,” said the DOJ in a press release. RealPage also doesn’t just recommend prices; in many cases, it actively sets them.

“RealPage actively polices landlords’ compliance with those recommendations,” said US attorney general Merrick Garland in today’s press conference. “A large number of landlords effectively agree to outsource their pricing decisions to RealPage by using an ‘auto-accept’ setting that effectively permits RealPage to determine the price a renter will pay.”

The DOJ also claims RealPage has created a “self-reinforcing feedback loop” with its data intake and pricing recommendations structure that also gives it an alleged monopoly in the apartment revenue management software industry. Any competitor who plays by the rules, the DOJ claims, is at a distinct disadvantage.

The Justice Department has spent the past several years staffing up with technologists and data scientists, better enabling them to “interrogate the code,” as multiple officials described the investigative process. While this is the first major algorithmic collusion case, DOJ officials suggested it would be far from the last.

[chiara-hotel]

Where you live based on your s/o (Genshin Impact Edition)

Mondstadt, The City of Freedom! You were born in the City of Freedom. You could be a knight or unemployed if you wish. Either way the City of Freedom is your home and you worship the Anemo Archon.

Characters: Thoma, Lisa, Jean, Kaeya, Amber, Albedo, Alice, Eula & Venti

Liyue, The Land of Contracts! You live under the Geo Archon, living in the land of Liyue. Its always lively in the city but you always manage to make time for your s/o.

Characters: Kazuha, Thoma, Ayaka, Tomo, Hu Tao, Zhongli, Ganyu, Ningguang & Xiao

Inazuma, The Land of Enernity! You live in a locked region, under the Electro Archon. It was only locked up for a year or so yet you couldn't escape despite the struggles. Luckily now things are a bit more peaceful.

Characters: Kazuha, Tomo, Ayaka, Kokomi, Gorou, Heizou, Beidou, Yae Miko, Shinobu, Chori, Wanderer & Raiden

Sumeru, The Land of Wisdom! You worship the Dendro Archon as she appears every year for the festival. It'll only be a moment of time when everybody including yourself forgets the existence of the greater lord. Yet even so you and your s/o can live peacefully without any worry.

Characters: Nilou, Tighnari, Cyno, Alhaitham, Kaveh, Layla & Wanderer

Fontaine, The Land of Justice! You don't really worship anyone after the whole Furina event but you and your s/o still live there. You both visit the opera often to watch the shows that are performed.

Characters: Arlecchino, Childe, Chiori, Lyney, Neuvilette, Furina, Navia, Lynette, Clorande

[floralcrematorium]

2010s Nostalgia || Hetalia Edition

Hetalia Youtube Nostalgia Playlist | 117 songs | 7hr 5min

• Hey Na Na - Katie Herzig • Viva La Vida - Coldplay • Rasputin - Boney M. • Glad You Came - The Wanted • Hot Mess - Cobra Starship • Counting Stars - OneRepublic • Fireflies - Owl City • Bombshell Blonde - The Jagged Edges • Do Better - Say Anything • Welcome To The Show - Britt Nicole • Dance With The Devil - Breaking Benjamin • Survive - Sick Puppies • Life is Beautiful - Sixx:A.M. • Fairytale - Alexander Rybak • Everybody Loves Me - One Republic • Don't Mess With Me - temposhark • Mimimi - SEREBRO • I Like It Loud - Cash Cash • I Just Wanna Run - The Downtown Fiction • I'm ALIVE! - Becca • Lovestruck - Breathe Electric • I Like To Dance - Hot Chelle Rae • Haven't Had Enough - Marianas Trench • Kiss Me Thru The Phone - Soulja Boy, Sammie • Hard out Here - Lily Allen • Runaway Baby - Bruno Mars • I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy • Airplanes - B.o.B., Hayley Williams • Rock Star - Prima J • This Is War - Thirty Seconds To Mars • Hey Brother - Avicii • Cinderella - Tata Young • Centuries - Fall Out Boy • Déjà Vu - 3OH!3 • Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me - Lene Alexandra • Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco, LOLO • The Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco • Europe's Skies - Alexander Rybak • Bad Apple!! - RichaadEB, Cristina Vee • Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! At The Disco • Let's Kill Tonight - Panic! At The Disco • Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco • Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco • Never Close Our Eyes - Adam Lambert • Playing With Fire - Ovi, Paula Seling • Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab • Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco • Killer - The Ready Set • How to Be a Heartbreaker - MARINA • This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy • Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) - My Chemical Romance • Troublemaker - Olly Murs, Flo Rida • Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship, Leighton Meester • I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters • One Woman Army - Porcelain Black • How To Start A War - Simon Curtis • Maps - Maroon 5 • Do Better - Say Anything • STARSTRUKK - 3OH!3 • Remember Everything - Five Finger Death Punch • The Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin • Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes • When You're Evil - Aurelio Voltaire • Canadian, Please - Julia Bentley, Gunnarolla • Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco • Take Me to Church - Hozier • Viking Death March - Billy Talent • Headstrong - Trapt • Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind • Don't Believe A Word - Third Eye Blind • Warriors - Imagine Dragons • iNSaNiTY - CircusP • Paralyzer - Finger Eleven • I'm Awesome - Spose • 24 - Jem • Clarity - Zedd, Foxes • Hall of Fame - The Script, will.i.am • The Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco • Immortals - Fall Out Boy • Rather Be - Clean Bandit, Jess Glynne • Wake Me Up - Avicii • a thousand years - Christina Perri • Just Like Fire - P!nk • Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift, The Civil Wars • Safe And Sound - Capital Cities • Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde • Demons - Imagine Dragons • DNA - Little Mix • Remember The Name - Fort Minor, Styles of Beyond • Victorious - Panic! At The Disco • 右肩の蝶 (Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder) - Kagamine Rin/Len • We Are One (Ole Ole) - Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez, Claudia Leitte • Hero - Skillet • Maraca - Mohombi • The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy • DONTTRUSTME - 3OH!3 • Teenage Dream - Katy Perry • SING - My Chemical Romance • Good Time - Owl City, Carly Rae Jepsen • White Rabbit - Egypt Central • Not Gonna Die - Skillet • The Kill - Thirty Seconds To Mars • We No Speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool, DCup • Nobody's Listening - Linkin Park • Disco Pogo - Die Atzen • German Sparkle Party - The Something Experience • Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects • I Could Be The One - Avicii, Nicky Romero • Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis • Still Into You - Paramore • Primadonna - MARINA • Pompeii - Bastille • 恋愛サーキュレーション (Renai Circulation) - 物語シリーズ • Awake And Alive - Skillet • Monster - Skillet • Poker Face - Lady Gaga • Falling Inside The Black - Skillet

[ewingstan]

I do wonder how much the perception of cape culture in the fandom would have changed if Wildbow hadn’t made the story so Brockton Bay centric.

The story of Worm (and Ward to an extent) has alluded to the fact that Brockton Bay is notably an exception when it comes to cape violence and brutality, with Taylor shocked that a Ward she met had 3 fights in 6 months. And how several Wards and Rime had no idea what she was talking about in regard to “counting coup”.

We see this with Victoria too, when she’s shocked about the Majors not seeing any action in 6 years and Tristan being overwhelmed with the amount of violence in the Fallen Raid despite being a hero for a few years himself. Foil also mentions how most of her career was really calm until March would occasionally poke her nose in things.

Mal posted some Ward updates! While I understand her pov, I do disagree with her:ilebow has also stressed, pre-Ward, that Brockton Bay was not indicative of the wider cape scene as a whole but rather a domino of things going wrong due to outside factors.

If Wildbow had extended interludes to show the dynamics of other, average, cape cities or had Taylor be in a city where things were so much calmer that she found it disturbing… well, it’s hard to say how things would change, but I think it would have made it far more clear that Taylor and Victoria’s life experience should not be applied across the board.

Or maybe nothing would have changed. Just spitballing an idea based on your let’s read so far.

Brockton Bay may be exceptional to an extent. But maybe just in the sense that it had so much happen to it before it was abandoned. Madison and Ellisburg only needed one bad day. Several countries in Worm were just straight-up destroyed.

The Bay may have been a notably large hub of nazi capes. But they were part of an internationally-connected network of capes with similar agendas. Hell, the Fallen mostly operated outside of Brockton Bay. Most of the exceptionally violent groups like the Fallen, the Slaughterhouse Nine, Heartbreaker, the Teeth, etc. were roaming problems. Yes, Brockton was unique in that it was hit by all of them, but the world was full of those types of groups. There were similar groups of enough importance on a world stage to get an invite to the cauldron meetings that we only get the barest details of.

But the most important thing is that the low-level fights Victoria's specifically nostalgic for was itself always worse than she's remembering. It wasn't a bunch of kooky characters clashing with straightmen heroes. It was a bunch of very desperate people trying to survive in a system that found them either expendable or better off dead. Even without all the specific things that hit Brockton Bay, Rachel probably would've ended up in the birdcage. Victoria would've kept relying on Amy to fix up the crooks she broke, assuming she never ended up accidentally killing someone. Both of them would continue living under the crushing responsibility and isolation that came with their cape personas. Vista would've ended up as maladjusted as a marketable celebrity child soldier would always end up being. People like Dinah and Lisa would keep being hunted for their skills by more powerful forces. The Taylors of the world would keep getting bullied, the Mr. Gladlys would keep looking away. The rot would be same.

[strwbmei]

Matchup Event

Matchup for: @woman-simp

Matchups: Elysia, Lisa, Kokomi

Contains: maybe ooc, fluff, nsfw, alcohol consumption (lisa), mommy kink (lisa), impact play (lisa), whipping (lisa), tentacles (kokomi), guided masturbation (elysia), phone sex (elysia), underwater date (kokomi), possessive sex (kokomi), cunningilus (kokomi), marking (kokomi), dacryphilia (kokomi)

A/N: So, so sorry for taking so long! I think this is the longest thing I've written. I hope you like it!

Elysia

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ You two are so different, yet so similar at the same time! You complete each other's flaws in all of the best ways, and neither of you can imagine a life without the other.

: ̗̀➛ As much as Elysia wants to wrap herself around you and cling to you at any chance, she's very understanding with your boundaries when it comes to that sort of stuff. Besides, it'll only make your shows of affection that much more meaningful— or so, Elysia says.

: ̗̀➛ She'll definitely be holding your hand 24/7, though! Elysia would either drag you to every interesting thing she sees (mostly boutiques and small food stalls on the street) or squeeze your hand tightly if you're getting overwhelmed by crowds or loud noises.

: ̗̀➛ Elysia doesn't mind when you act "mean" to her. She can easily see through what you're doing, and in fact, she thinks it's cute! She'll act all dramatically hurt, but that's really only one of her many ways to "trick" you into giving her a kiss to make up for what you did.

: ̗̀➛ Whenever you're talking about your interests, Elysia is torn. She just can't decide if she should learn about them to match your enthusiasm or stay uninformed because you are extremely attractive in her eyes whenever you're explaining something you're passionate about.

Dates with Elysia are... spontaneous, to say the least. Most of the time, neither of you are prepared nor do you have anything planned. You and Elysia are just walking aimlessly, stopping across anything that piques your interest.

: ̗̀➛ You don't need to worry about cuddles— Elysia will gladly provide as much of them as you want, and more! She was a bit shy about it when you two first started dating, but now, you've accepted your fate as her personal pillow to hug, lay on, and hold as much as she wishes.

Even on your first date, you were only spending time together as usual before the elf suddenly asked you out. You had no time to prepare, but you would never refuse her. "Ooh, look! I didn't know they had such a cozy cafe in this part of the city!" Elysia suddenly exclaimed, hurriedly speed-walking to what seemed to be a small, homey coffee bar with your hand in hers. Before she can even reach the cafe, she's already talking about going there for your next date until she spots a small stall on the side of the road offering tarot card readings. And then someone selling animal balloons. And then a cute cat. It doesn't take much time until you're getting dragged from place to place. Elysia is like a small kid walking into a store with all of the toys they could only ever dream of, and you have to admit, seeing her all excited has your heart racing and blood rushing to your cheeks.

It's like she's seeing the world for the first time. And it is when she's with you— your presence somehow makes the world that much more of a positive and colorful place in her eyes. Normally, you'd be tired out of your mind from running around so much— and frankly, this is probably the most you've walked in a single day— but Elysia somehow manages to make even the most draining and mundane things enjoyable. You can't imagine wanting to spend your life with anyone else.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Elysia is surprisingly more on the vanilla side. Sex for her is more about being vulnerable and open and showing your love for each other. Still, that doesn't mean she doesn't have any kinks.

: ̗̀➛ She's mostly into overstimulating and/or edging, whether she's the one receiving or giving. Being able to give and take away her partner's pleasure as she wishes gives her such a power trip. You're just so cute, all teary-eyed as you beg her to make you cum like you know she can easily do.

: ̗̀➛ Elysia isn't cruel at all, though! Sure, being edged for hours on end might burn, but she somehow makes the orgasm you'll feel by the end of it make all of it worth it.

: ̗̀➛ On that note, Elysia isn't much of a fan of rough sex. She wants to feel loved and safe during it, and she wants the same for you as well. The last thing she'd want is to hurt her precious sweetheart. Light choking and slapping are definitely on the table, though.

: ̗̀➛ Oh, and if you happen to mention that you'd let her use you any way she wants? Good luck because there's no way Elysia would have any need to masturbate when she has such a pretty girl willing to service her on those nights when she wants you most.

: ̗̀➛ Expect endless praise while you're having sex. You're just so beautiful and pretty and gorgeous in her eyes, and Elysia just can't shut up about it! It's not even a conscious decision— she's merely saying whatever comes to her mind.

For the first time in your relationship, Elysia is away. Far, far away.

Her job had an emergency and required her to travel for a week. It took many "fights" (aka Elysia refusing to leave your side, even going as far as to offer to somehow fit you inside of her suitcase), but you finally managed to convince her that what she wanted just wasn't possible.

It's only a week, after all. You've survived a decade or two being single; one week away from your lover isn't going to kill you. Or so, that was what you thought. As much as you didn't want to admit it, you had gotten used to her beaming smile greeting you first thing in the morning. Your days don't seem complete without her by your side. You were missing her. Badly. Hearing her voice only made you miss her touch even more, and the elf was quick to pick up on that. What you had intended to be an innocent phone call quickly turned into Elysia telling you with her voice smooth as honey how to finger yourself. "That's it, pretty girl... You're doing so well for me, aren't you?" You nod, even though you're aware that Elysia can't see with the camera's position. As your fingers start speeding up, she can tell you're close to orgasm. "Turn the phone up, hm? Let me see your face as you cum." As your facial expression contorted with pleasure, Elysia wouldn't want anything more than to come home right this second and give you orgasm after orgasm. Being able to make you cum without even touching you might just be her proudest achievement. "I miss you so bad, baby... I'll make it up to you ten- no, a hundredfold when I get home." She sighs. With most people, you'd think this would be an exaggeration, but Elysia isn't just "most people." She's completely serious, and you know that she's more than capable of fulfilling that promise. Just a few more days. A few more days, and you'll be able to spend as much time together as you want. After all, you missed her too.

Lisa

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ This librarian thinks you're the cutest little thing in the world, and she doesn't hide it in the least. Your walk? Lovely. Your sneeze? Adorable. Your eyes? Absolutely delightful.

: ̗̀➛ Lisa isn't crazy for cuddles, but whenever the two of you sleep in the same bed, she's the type to pull you back in for them as soon as you try to get up. If you're a morning person, that's too bad because you don't have any choice but to stay huddled up with her until she eventually decides to wake up.

: ̗̀➛ She calls you a bunch of terms of endearment, mostly using "cutie," "sweetheart," or "darling." At first, this was only Lisa's way of showing her love, but after seeing your flustered reactions, she practically abuses these just to see you blush. She knows the effect she has on you and she takes full advantage of it.

: ̗̀➛ Whatever you're interested in, Lisa is knowledgeable about. She'll easily match how fast you're talking, as she's also just as excited as you are. Conversations where she can talk about these niche topics are rare, and it can't get much better than having them with her favorite person.

: ̗̀➛ Afternoon tea is Lisa's way of rewarding herself with a few minutes of leisure, and she always has them alone. Her inviting you to join her is basically her telling you that just you being there is enough to put her at ease. She'll often play with your hair, running her fingers through your scalp while reading a book.

: ̗̀➛ Lisa prefers to keep her desk mostly clean other than a some books and a tea set, but over time it's gotten filled with all the little gifts and trinkets you've given her. Now there are flowers that she takes very good care of and a framed picture of you two that she can't help but smile at.

Being the more quiet and introverted type, Mondstadt's library seemed to be the perfect place to relax. There are little to no people, and occasionally, you could hear who you assumed to be the librarian humming almost inaudibly from the restricted section.

Whether you're into reading or not, there was nothing quite like listening to the soft voice of this mystery woman. It was hauntingly beautiful, as was her appearance itself.

Lisa was attracted to you, and she made that obvious with every chance she got. It didn't take long before she just decided to outright ask you out to dinner.

You were curious where she'd take you as there aren't many options in Mondstadt, but you didn't expect her to invite you to her house. Most of all, you didn't expect her to take you there as soon as you said yes, but hey, it's not like you have anything better to do anyway. At least, nothing better than having dinner with such a gorgeous woman. Her house is almost as elegant as she is with the classy, yet also cozy furniture along with the relaxing ambient lighting. It's not very organized, but she keeps it clean. The whole place, down to the smell (which was very good, by the way) just screamed Lisa. She'd do mostly everything by herself like lighting the candles and setting up the table, but she'd gladly accept help for the more complicated and time-consuming tasks like cooking. The food is great, and the atmosphere is romantic. You're honestly surprised since Lisa doesn't seem to be the type to put this much effort into dates. Or anything, for that matter. Even her table manners are perfect down to the smallest details. "The night is long. Allow me to use this time to get to know you better, sweetheart." Lisa smiles, pouring you a glass of finely aged wine. As you see your own reflection in the glass, you get the feeling that tonight is going to change the direction of your life.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Oh, she's freaky freaky. Instead of asking what she's into, it'd be better to ask what she isn't. She's dominant both during sex and outside of it.

: ̗̀➛ Lisa can be gentle, especially if it's your first time, but if she knows that you can take it then you will take it. Expect to wake up with your body littered with whip marks and hickeys. She generally tries to avoid spots that often show, though.

: ̗̀➛ She'll combine the dirtiest words with the sweetest voice, teasing you for being so filthy and desperate while calling you her sweet angel. She loves seeing your mind turn into mush from the mixture of praise and degradation.

: ̗̀➛ Has a huge mommy kink. Calling Lisa that is a surefire way to get her to bring you to the bedroom and fuck you. Or any surface and location works, really. She's not picky.

: ̗̀➛ Doesn't use strap-ons much. Lisa thinks they're a hassle to put on. She's more than capable of making you squirt with a few careful movements of her tongue and fingers anyway. If anything, she'd much rather use a double-ended dildo or make a strap using her electro vision.

: ̗̀➛ She's an absolute god at aftercare. Massages, refreshments, a fresh bath... anything you can think of, Lisa is prepared to provide, especially after a particularly rough session. You somehow end up feeling lighter and more energized than you did before having sex.

"Already so wet for me, and we haven't even gotten started yet." Lisa chuckles darkly, whipping your ass. The pain makes you yelp and arch your back even more.

As much as you want to grip the sheets, your hands are bound together tightly behind your back. All you can do is squirm and whine helplessly in Lisa's grasp, and you love it. She knows that you do.

"Yeah? You enjoy being a filthy whore for Mommy?" Soft hands gently rub over the spot she had just whipped almost apologetically, until she harshly slaps the same area.

Her free hand grabs onto your hips, and you hear electricity crackling behind you. You don't have to look to know what she's going to do next.

"Do you want it inside of you?" Lisa asks, her tone almost mocking. It's more of an order rather than a question, really. She already knows what your answer is going to be, she just wants to make you beg for it.

"Please, Mommy... I swear I'll be your good girl, so plea- mmpf...!" Your words turn into a moan as you feel the tip rub against your clit, electricity coursing throughout your whole body.

"So cute when you beg all nice for me..." Lisa coos. Her strap is warm and big, the electro making it feel as if it were vibrating as it bullies itself inside of you.

"You know that Mommy can't resist cute little bunnies like you."

Kokomi

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ You two are the type of couple to generally just enjoy each other's company, no matter what you're doing. There's no need for words, just your mere presence is enough to provide her with respite.

: ̗̀➛ That said, Kokomi shoulders a lot of responsibility as both the Divine Priestess and supreme leader of Watatsumi Island, often leading to her spending an ungodly amount of hours working. She's very apologetic about not being able to spend much time with you, and she appreciates it a lot whenever you visit her in her office. You often end up massaging her shoulders as she takes a much-needed break.

: ̗̀➛ If Kokomi has the time, she'd much rather take a stroll through Watatsumi Island with you. Taking in the beautiful scenery and clearing her mind with you by her side is no doubt her favorite way to relax after a hard day's work.

: ̗̀➛ Like you, she's not big on PDA in public— just for different reasons. Kokomi is aware that she may have enemies lurking in the shadows even after the Shogun's Vision Hunt Decree, and she doesn't want her beloved to get hurt because of her selfishness.

: ̗̀➛ If you're feeling down or tired, Kokomi would make little water replicas of your favorite animals and sea creatures. Sometimes, she'll even make them do little tricks to cheer you up. It's hard to control her vision so precisely, but it's all worth it once she sees your eyes light up again.

: ̗̀➛ The biggest reason why Kokomi fell in love with you was because you don't put her on a pedestal like everybody else. They always expect her to be able to do mostly anything when in reality, she's just a normal girl. Her hands also shake whenever she's about to give a speech, and she also sometimes feels like giving up whenever she sees the pile of work on her desk. It's only with you that she can be vulnerable because only you see her for who she truly is.

"Lian," Kokomi called out to you, rubbing a pattern of soothing circles onto the back of your hand. "Don't worry. Everything will be alright." Her voice gives you the courage to open your eyes once more, and you're met by the sight of all of the sea creatures you thought you'd only be able to dream of seeing this close. The whole experience was like something from a fairy tale with how magical it was.

Kokomi loves listening to you talk about the things you're passionate about! She's always eagerly paying attention and taking note of everything you say, already thinking of date and gift ideas. Hence why she had this idea for your first date. As Kokomi stepped into the water, it separated and diverged as if to make way for her. "Shall we?" She turned to face you, offering her hand. You don't know what you were expecting when she asked to meet by the shore, but it wasn't this. Still, you believed in Kokomi. You always have and you always will. The smile she wore at this moment was different from all the forced ones during those business meetings you know she loathed. It was a smile that, without any words, told you only one thing: "Trust me." You take her hand. The water formed a bubble around the two of you as she led you further into the sea. It didn't take long until the two of you were completely underwater.

You take a deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut. Honestly, you were scared, but as long as you had Kokomi by your side, you knew that you'd be safe. She wouldn't let you come to harm.

Bioluminescent jellyfish lit up the waters. Sunlight shone through the surface of the sea, its light dispersing to make everything look that much more beautiful. Resplendent corals decorate the sea floor beneath you. Soon after, a school of the most colorful fish you've seen started swimming circles around you two. The bubble you were in felt like it was in a different world, and with how you felt like this moment was the only thing that mattered, it may as well have been. Kokomi takes out a pearl necklace and speaks, her voice filled with utmost devotion and love, "Will you give me a chance to make you happy, my dearest?"

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Dominant switch, mostly tops. Sex with her is always about intimacy and/or claiming each other rather than just for pleasure, though that's also a big part of it. She's the definition of the phrase "treat her like a princess, fuck her like a whore."

: ̗̀➛ Lots of kissing and hand holding during it. It doesn't exactly give the two of you more pleasure per se, but she finds her hands seeking out yours to intertwine fingers. Both of you are much better at communicating through actions than words, anyway.

: ̗̀➛ If you make her jealous, you better start praying to Orobashi that you'll keep your ability to walk. Kokomi knows very well what the limits of humans are, and she's more than capable of bringing you to its very edge. This woman might look cute, but she is not to be underestimated.

: ̗̀➛ Tentacles. For everything. Restraints? Yes. Gags? Sure. Penetration? As long as you're up to it. She's particularly into tying you up with them: tight enough so you can't get away, but loose enough so she can still watch you struggle helplessly.

: ̗̀➛ She's probably the most sadistic out of everyone on this list. Kokomi doesn't want to hurt you physically, but whether she's topping or not, she'll edge or overstimulate you to the point you're crying for mercy. Seeing tears run down that pretty face of yours just does something to her.

Slimy, translucent tentacles wrap themselves around your arms and legs, effectively immobilizing you. For some reason, the grip they have on you feels... rougher than usual.

Kokomi walks towards you with a smile, but it's neither warm nor inviting. If anything, it was similar to a predator looking down upon its prey. Sensing something was off, you were about to ask when a tentacle covers your mouth.

"Shh... I'm sorry, my love, but I need this." Your legs are spread involuntarily, and she brings herself face to face with your weeping cunt. A messy mixture of kisses and bites are left along your thighs before she dives her tongue head first into your folds, lapping you up like a starved man.

You want so badly to close your legs, but you can't. You can't even moan her name. You can't do anything. All you can do is let out muffled moans and cry as you're helplessly brought to orgasm after orgasm.

Really, she feels bad for this. Kokomi trusts you, but she just needs to convince herself that you're hers. That only she can make you squirt until you genuinely feel like you're going to pass out if you cum one more time.

That doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it, though.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

I mentioned in a reblog thing that I'd wanted to make a Rise comic series called "ROTTMNT: UNPAUSED" and I hinted to one of the finale episodes being called "Mikey's Birthday Bash"

Well I'm gonna infodump about that now...

So basically the episode started off with Mikey waking everyone up for a special breakfast to celebrate his bday, only to discover that not only did his brothers forget his bday, they all made plans of their own. To quickly make up for it, the guys take him into the Hidden City for a quick shopping spree before they all have to leave for their engagements. While Mikey is looking for something to buy, he overhears his brothers conversing about how in the next year, Raph won't be a TEENAGE mutant ninja turtle anymore (he is 17 currently). Donnie adds that he is already looking for colleges to join and hopes for an early admission. Leo also admits he has been planning for the future. Mikey realizes that his brothers are all planning to leave and grow up, which he is not ready for. He runs away crying, and meets a strange old hag who sells him a "special" birthday candle, which she promises will grant his biggest birthday wish.

Mikey finds his bros again and uses the candle on a meager cupcake they got for him. As soon as he blows the candle out, the four are transported into a version of the Battle Nexus, trapped there along with every other character from the show (and my comics) by the hag who sold Mikey the candle. She reveals that Mikey's wish was for "everyone to spend my birthday together", and the only way for them to escape is for the turtles to win the tournament! The bros are furious at Mikey for making the wish, and Mikey promises to get through the games as quickly as possible so they can get back to their plans and leave.

The hag states that the turtles will be pitted against their previous enemies, and with each round they win they'll will receive more allies. Anyone KO’d will be eliminated from the round and sent to watch in the audience, and upon the ending of the game all contestants will be returned to their last location. The enemies will get progressively more challenging until they defeat all of their opponents.

Round 1, April is with the guys, and they are up against Baxter Stockboy, Albearto, and the Purple Dragons.

Round 2, the Casey Joneses join the fight against the Foot Clan.

Round 3, Draxum, Splinter, Big Mama, and the two missing siblings hinted at by the writers join against the evil league of mutants and the Mud Dogs. April is KO’d after getting slammed into a wall and knocked unconscious by Heinous Green. Cass is KO’d by Hypno after he hypnotizes her to knock herself unconscious as well. Draxum is KO’d by Meat Sweats after he steals his power.

Round 4, Several characters (such as Agent Bishop and Mona Lisa) join to fight against the Triceratons (which were introduced in my series). During this round, everyone is K.O.'d except the turtles. However, Mikey sees that he didn’t finish the battles in time and his brothers have missed their appointments. He feels guilty, and his brothers are admittedly irritated.

Round 5, the final boss battle. They are pitted against the Shredder and the Kraang. Before the fight begins, Mikey has a blowout with his brothers and finally admits that he was angry they were gonna leave because he was scared of growing up, as he is not ready to be an adult yet and he doesn’t want to be alone. The Kraang interrupts stating “I can help you with that” and captures Mikey. However, the Turtles get one last team member… Karai. The Shredder -- having been defeated and Oroku Saki redeemed -- turns against the Kraang and sides with the Turtles and his daughter. The boys defeat the Kraang using the special formula from the movie, but not before the Shredder and Karai are K.O.'D by the Kraang. The Kraang are defeated with the last of the mixture, but to the boys' horror they see that Mikey was kraangified, and now have to fight against him as their last opponent. They try, but are unable to defeat him due to his increased strength AND his ninpo. Leo refuses to admit defeat, saying “Mikey never gave up on me… I can’t give up on him.” He tries one last attack, grappling with Mikey and holding him down...

I happened to make sketches of what came next...

The game finished, everyone is returned home. Mikey apologizes for everything, but Raph admits that he isn’t ready to grow up yet either, and he never wants to leave Mikey alone. He found out the hard way what that felt like, and the brothers agree to wait a little longer to grow up and enjoy being the teenage mutant ninja turtles while they can. Back at the lair, everyone bursts in to make sure Mikey is okay. They spend the rest of the day with him, enjoying his birthday...

So yeh that's that