#liquid net worth

[thedacian]

Liquid net worth is key to financial stability. Learn how to calculate and grow it for a secure future.

[nonenosome2]

The difference between net worth and liquid assets is that billionaire cunts deserve to hang for their unfathomable stock of both. Hope this helps you stop being a kiss ass for people who’d let you break your spine if it made them $10!

You had the time and ability to learn the difference yet you willingly keep yourself ignorant.

[iwatcheditbegin]

These discourses about billionaires are exhausting. “ there’s no ethical billionaires” or “ there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism” is and should remain criticism of the system. And it’s not really a black & white thing.

You can still do your best to be ethical within the current systems.

I’m anti-capitalist but that’s the system we live under. I’m always gonna support those who pay their employees fairly when that’s an option

[vitrines]

skyblock great spook pet obtained

[kendrysaneela]

Not to mention. Rian got his money through actual work. Directing and writing is a job that takes his own labor not the exploitation of others. It’s not just the money that makes billionaires bad. It’s the fact that the only way to make that much money is to exploit people. Plus Rian actually works for people. He has to get studio execs to buy his stuff and give him the budget to make it and pay him for it. (People who probs have more money than him honestly) Billionaires can do whatever the fuck they want when they want and they don’t work for anyone.

listen, if you believe Glass Onion's message of bashing super rich people is a form of "self"-critique, then you clearly don't understand who the 1% are.

When Rian Johnson calls out fake Elon Musk in his fun detective movie, this is not an attempt at "self-deprecating humor". Rian Johnson is "I own nice houses"-rich, he is not "I control nations, wars, economies, and the livelihoods of millions"-rich like Elon Musk is.

Rian Johnson is closer in his wealth to you than he is to Elon Musk, by far.

I am all for holding rich people accountable, I support calling out the Hollywood industry. But we *need* to learn to tell billionaires and millionaires apart, or our criticism of the political system will be fraught.

[scrawlingwithstyle]

So for my Personal Finance class, we had to figure out if "Pokémon Trainer" is a viable career option (using someone else's research, thank god), and it turns out that you'd be working at a 76% deficit.

Meaning unless Ash has a ton of money squirreled away at the beginning of his journey, by the time he makes it to the Indigo League Championships, he's already 1,174,550 Pokémon dollars (about $4578.43 USD) in debt.

So it's not really a career, and more like a rich kid's hobby, since you'd need about 1,500,000 Pokémon dollars (at minimum) to make it through 15 months of training, and you only earn about 325,450 if you win literally every battle you enter.

[alpaca-clouds]

You Cannot Create A Solarpunk Future Under Capitalism

I am feeling like a broken record, but I just need to make this clear once more: No, Solarpunk in any form is not possible under capitalism. If you think it is, you either fail to understand Solarpunk, or you don't get what capitalism even means.

Technically I wrote about this already almost exactly a year ago. Let me reiterate it again, though: Solarpunk at its core is build around a couple of ideas. Those are:

Living in relative harmony with our environment, rather than destroying it. (Which includes using renewable energies.)

Decolonialism.

Social justice and the same rights, chances and possibilities for all people.

Neither of those three points is archievable under capitalism, as the end goals of capitalism are opposed to each of them.

Let me go through each of them.

Environmental Sustainability is not archievable under capitalism.

This is the point people tend to argue about the most. Because they will go: "But if the renewable energy sources are cheaper than fossil fuels, the capitalist will see more possibilities to make money with it." Well, do I have news for you: A variety of renewable sources, such as solar and wind power, are already a lot cheaper than fossil fuels and yet somehow the capitalist argue against using them. Care to explain that? No? Well, I'll do it for you. (Technically already did in that blog last year.)

See, when someone's net worth is listed somewhere, most of them actually do not have billions of dollars on their bank accounts. And no, they also do not swim in gold coins. Instead their net worth comes from calculating how much money they would be able to make if they sold all thier assets. A lot of those assets are shares in companies they have, as well as stuff like their fancy houses, fancy cars, fancy private jets and fancy yachts. Most billionaires have not more than a couple tens million dollars in liquid money, meaning money they can just spend. If they wanna buy something that is more expensive, they will usually go to a bank, say: "Look at all the stuff I have. I wanna buy myself more stuff. Gimme money?" And the bank will go: "Of course, Sir Billionaire, here you go. Have a nice 10 billion dollars."

And this is where the issue arrises: Most of the billionaires who are investing in the energy market, have already invested billions in fossil fuels. Be it by owning shares of fossil fuel companies, or by owning mines, oil rigs, power plants and the like. And this puts them into a silly little position: Even if they wanted to make more money through renewables, they cannot without harming themselves. Because in the moment that renewables become even more viable than they already are, fossil fuels lose their viabilities - and hence all the assets they hold in fossil fuels lose their value in an instant. The billionairs know that. The banks know it, too. Which is why banks do not want to give the fossil fuel billionaires money for that, even if they ask.

And that is only on the energy-generating side of it. If you go into the other stuff that harms our environment... Simply put: Public transport will never make as much money, as selling everyone their own car. And plastics are just so much cheaper than any alternatives. And the companies need fast fashion, because they won't make as much money, if folks only go buying new clothes every ten years.

Capitalism is build on the exploitation of the environment.

You cannot archieve decolonialization under capitalism.

Let's talk about the call to decolonize next. This is even easier explained: Capitalism is build on colonialism. And contrary to what you might have been told in school, colonialism has never ended. Most indigenous folks never got their ancestral land back - or have to fight to remain on it to this day. The most notable examples you know off might be indigenous people on their land (at times the land they originally had been forced onto after their ancestral land had been stolen from them) fighting pipelines that the capitalists want to put onto that land. That is colonialism.

In fact a lot of the raw material we use to power capitalism is produced on stolen land or is moved across stolen land to be financially viable. Be it oil springs, that can be found there. Or be it mines. That is both mines that produce coal, but also mines that are used to produce lithium and other materials used in batteries of electric cars. These raw materials should technically belong to the indigenous people from whose land those materials are sourced. And we do know for a fact that some of them will prefer to leave those materials in the ground. Maybe because of the harm to the environment that mining for them creates. Maybe because the land is sacred to them. Maybe because some of them just do not care about cheap electric cars.

It is more than that, of course. Because colonialism also allows for slave labor. And yes, I mean slave labor. Like classical slave labor where people are pressganged into laboring in those mines, or in other factories, where they are not paid at all - or are paid in breadcrums. The reason that the global south is so abhorently poor, even though most of the raw materials powering our world are found there, is, that the people in the global south are exploited, while the land is often owned by people from the global north, who either got it through colonialism - or by buying it from someone who got it through colonialism.

And once again: The profit motive of capitalism is directly opposed to decolonizing - and because of that it won't happen. Capitalism is built on colonial exploitation.

You cannot archive social justice under capitalism.

Capitalism as a system was invented for one reason and one reason alone: To allow former nobility, who were close to lose their power and influence in a Europe of anti-royal revolutions, to hold onto the power and influence and veil it underneath the idea of meritocracy. Basically saying: "Everyone gets what they deserve based on the work they got in." Obviosly they got the most, because they owned the land that everyone was working and living on. And then they did their best to brainwash everyone into believing this - at which they actually succeeded.

Here is the thing: Capitalism needs an underclass to exploit. Sure, a good chunk of that exploitation will happen in other countries, where the poor white middleclass folks do not need to see them toil, but some of that exploitation simply cannot be done in those other countries. At times because the work physically needs to happen in the western nations - stuff like road contruction, general contruction work, cleaning and such are an example of this. And at times because some things might be time critical, cannot be transported that far and stuff like that - like farm work in some cases, or also all the Amazon warehouse stuff. Oh, and all those fastfood jobs belong into this area. Stuff that is paid minimum wage and exploited to no end.

And then there is of course prison labor in the US, which once again is just slavery.

And all of that does not even go into the care and nursing work that is either underpaid by a ton when it is happening on the open market (like in hospitals, schools, kindergardens and other care facilities) - or is happening completely for free. Mosten done by women, who will care for both children, as well as elders and disabled family members for free.

The true endgoal of capitalism is to turn the labor of the lower classes into money and value for the upper class to hoard like bloody dragons. As such capitalism will never be compatible with any sort of equal rights and equal chances.

Those three aspects are truths that just cannot be changed. Capitalism will never be able to create any sort of justice, equal rights, or sustainability. It is not in the interest of capitalism to do so, either.

[ssweetleaf]

million dollar man.

summary: you’re sick of seeing people talk down to robert, so you show him just how much you respect him.

robert fischer x afab!reader

includes: SMUT, rob’s asshole dad, kinda subby!daddy rob though there’s no daddy kink in this one, oral (male receiving), unprotected p in v, cream pie, breeding kink, semi-public sex, a really terrible ending because that’s all i’m good at

✩

“You ready, honey?”

The foyer sparkled around you, big marble pillars and stupidly shiny chandeliers all gleamed at you, causing your eyes to squint and your mouth to open in awe.

Everywhere you looked there were people, all dressed up in their formal attire— cinched waists and satin gloves paired with crisp waistcoats and bow ties, old money, new money, it didn’t matter, as long as they had a good seven digits within their net worth they’d be considered a part of the festivities.

And that’s where you realised you didn’t quite belong in that room, with those people.

“Honey? You listenin’?”

You shook the fog from your brain, eyes flitting to him. Robert. Your Robbie, handsome as ever in his suit, tailored to fit him just right, his tie matching the dark wine colour that was your dress. The dress he had got you and left on your duvet as a surprise. You couldn’t begin to imagine how much it had cost him.

You smiled up at him, small and not quite reaching your eyes.

“Sorry, Robbie,” your eyes fluttered to the floor, “just nervous is all.”

He stepped closer to you, big palms raising to cradle your cheeks, squishing them slightly and running his thumbs along the soft skin.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said, full of sincerity, his eyes so blue and glistening. “S’no need to be nervous, sweet girl.”

You nodded, all bashful now, leaning into his kiss when he pressed a chaste one to your lips.

Robert hooked his arm out for you to take, leading you inside the ballroom with high ceilings and waiters that held trays full of champagne. You took a mental note to snag one of those flutes whenever you had the chance, you needed a bit of liquid courage.

Being Robert Fischer’s arm candy meant staying at his side at all times, with an arm hooked round your waist or a palm to the small of your back, any little touch to tell anyone that ogled— you were his.

His girl.

“Robert, you’re late—” standing straight and proper was his father, peering at him in a look much akin to distaste, not bothering to give you so much as a glance.

You saw Rob’s jaw tick.

“I’d like you to meet Thomas, he’s shown to be quite useful in the business, I’m sure you could learn a thing or two…”

Straight to business. Straight to the insults. The same old same old, shaking hands and discussing terms and money that you hadn’t a clue about— Robert’s teeth were gritted, hand gripping your hip to sate and ground him.

“Lovely to see you as always, father,” he spoke, sarcasm swirling on his tongue, blue eyes swarming and darkening at the mere sight of his own flesh and blood.

The conversation went on for a while before Thomas piped up, gaze settling on your figure, roaming and ogling, staring for far too long at your tits.

“And who’s this?” He asked, eyes never leaving yours. You felt uncomfortable, shifting awkwardly and hugging yourself closer to Robert.

Rob’s brows furrowed, a possessive arm tightening around you further.

“This is my girl-” he looked down at you, fondness and so much adoration swirling in his irises, mouth quirking in a smile when you settled your own gaze upon his.

“It’s about time you settled down,” his father spoke out before Rob had time to utter your name, “but believe me, doll, run while you still can.”

You frowned.

“He’s useless, I tell you. Absolutely useless—”

“I think that’s quite enough.” You took hold of your lover’s hand, tugging him along, “if you’ll excuse us.”

Robert followed along like a lost puppy, letting you tug on his hand and guide him to the nearest available bathroom.

The sparkly green tile gleamed at you as soon as you walked through the door, pushing him through and clicking the lock shut.

“What’re you doing, honey,” he stuttered, swallowing thickly when you pushed him up against the counter, smoothing your palms along his lapels and down his chest.

“No one gets to speak to you like that.” You muttered, frowning, and he smoothed at the furrow between your brows with the pad of his thumb, smiling slightly.

“S’alright, baby,” he began, cutting himself off when he saw you shaking your head.

“No, it isn’t,” you spoke, firm and to the point, hands moving to cradle his jaw and cheeks, skin smooth and shaven, so pretty to look at. “do you hear me?”

He chuckled, pressing his hands to your hips, swaying you gently, attempting to soothe you.

“I hear ya, sweetheart—”

“Robert, I mean it.” You swiped at the skin underneath his eyes, palming his delicate skin and marvelling at how pretty he was. Oh, how vulnerable he could be when he was with you.

You stared at each other for a while, eyes flitting over every blemish and dimple, savouring the sight as if the world was coming to an end, shifting to a close.

You pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, a chaste one, so soft it was barely there, leaning in close, your lashes fluttering against his cheek bone.

“Let me show you.” You muttered, pressing another kiss, a firmer one, to his lips now, then another, far more desperate. “Let me show you, Robbie.”

“Honey,” his chuckle was nervous, voice cracking and eyelids fluttering closed when your mouth mapped along the sharp line of his jaw. “honey, not here— n-not now.”

You pulled back, an over-exaggerated pout playing upon your lips before you leaned in, mouth pressed to his ear, tongue flicking against the shell when you uttered into it.

“Please, sir.”

He whimpered, broken and whiny, and you could feel him against your belly, already hard and throbbing when your breath fanned along his neck.

“Okay,” he sighed, almost dreamily, bucking his hips against you and holding onto you tight. “Alright, darling, you know I’ll do anything for you.”

He was breathless, seeing stars, sucking his lip between his teeth when you lowered yourself to kneel in front of him, hands smoothing along his thighs, the expensive material of his Italian suit glided along your palms, smooth and elegant before you found what you were looking for.

A bulge tightened his trousers, stretching the fabric, barely being able to contain the sheer size of his big cock, you were sure if you left him any longer a wet spot would form.

“Please, sweetheart,” he was the one saying please now, petting at your hair and smoothing down the tresses, chest heaving at your kneeling form, looking all pliant though he knew you were the one in charge.

You pulled at his belt, tugging it through the buckle, the leather squeaking when you grew impatient with it, wanting it off. Then you unbuttoned him, drawing down his fly, pushing them down along with the tight constriction of his boxer briefs, letting them pool at his ankles.

His cock sprang free, slapping against his stomach, a long pearlescent string of pre-cum sticking to his skin, mouth-wateringly so.

“So pretty,” you cooed, reaching up to take him in your hand, girthy and long, everything you’d ever need, your fingers barely being able to touch from the thickness. “Can’t believe you’re mine.”

“All yours, darling—” he whined, breathy and muscles tensing. “all for you.”

You hummed, leaning forward to kiss at his tip, stroking him with your fist, slow and sensual, grinning as his breath picked up.

You licked along the length of him, along that thick vein that throbbed hotly, sucking his balls into your mouth one after the other, leaving the stain of your lipstick along his flesh, before taking his cock down your throat, hearing him moan and whimper at the suddenness of it all.

“Oh, that’s it,” he whined, thumb smoothing along your cheek, “good girl, s-such a good, sweet girl.”

You hummed around him, swirling your tongue around him and trying to take him as deep as your throat would let you, gagging around his cock, tears slipping from your heaves.

Robert felt his chest swell, the sight before him so pretty, suckling at his cock, your tears glistening from the light of the bathroom’s chandelier, so lucky he could call you his. His girl.

The ring box in his suit pocket felt heavy when he stared at you.

You took him further down your throat, salty tears slipping down your cheeks, leaving your eyes all sparkly and glistening, gagging around his cock every now and again, the sharp tug that Robert inflicted upon your tresses a big indicator that he greatly enjoyed the constriction of your tight, warm little throat.

“Yes, that’s it, my sweet girl,” he whimpered, hips mindlessly bucking with each downward thrust of your mouth. “So good to me, take care of me so well.”

Hell, if anyone decided to walk past the door to the bathroom they were situated in, they’d get an earful— the crude sound of sloppy sucking and his airy whimpers resonated around the echoey room. Someone was bound to listen in.

You had half a hope that Thomas was outside the door, listening to the sheer pleasure you inflicted on your boy.

“Baby,” he stuttered, whining and pawing at your hair and cheeks, desperate and leaking onto your tongue. “Can I cum? Oh, please, darling, let me cum.”

You took your mouth off him, letting your hand take over, slowly stroking him into your fist, thumb flicking over his head, so sensitive, you thought.

You pouted up at him, somewhat mockingly.

“Don’t you wanna cum inside me, Robbie?” You stared at him, whatching him heave and buck, cheeks all flushed and forehead sweaty, such a pretty, pathetic sight. “Was looking forward to it all night.”

You continued your pouting, adding a little whine to your speech, watching him nod exuberantly and stroking your cheek with his shuddering palm.

“O-of course, baby— wanna cum inside you, just wanna please you.”

You smiled, pressed one last kiss to the flushed head of his tip before standing, moving to lean over the counter, back arched and ass in the air, swaying at him teasingly.

His palms smoothed over your backside, ruching the skirt of your dress to reveal your pretty panties, a pretty shade of pink, a wet spot saturating the fabric that covered your cunt.

He groaned, grabbing a handful of your hips, kneading the flesh between his fingers. He gazed at your reflection in the mirror, taking his bottom lip between his teeth when he saw your pretty tits spilling out of your bodice.

“What’re you waiting for, Robbie? Haven’t I been a good girl?”

He nodded, still so red in the face, leaning over you to press his face in the crook of your neck, kissing your skin; a form of an apology.

“Yes, dear, you’ve been such a good girl. Always deserve my cock, always.” He hummed, pulling back to tuck his fingers into the elastic of your underwear, pulling them to the side and exposing your glistening pussy, juices dripping down your thighs and clit throbbing hotly.

Rob huffed out a breath, cock jumping at the sight before him, before gripping himself at the base, gliding it along your slit and bumping the tip against your clit, tapping it lightly before repeating the process.

“Hurry,” you whined, pressing yourself closer against him, wiggling your hips, the movement causing the ridge of his cock to slip inside your hole.

He pushed all the way to the base, panting like a dog and gripping at your skin, etching finger-shaped bruises into your flesh.

“Feel so perfect.” He whimpered, feeling you clench, trying to adjust to his size, the thickness of his cock stretching you out impossibly— you felt as if he was in your throat.

It wasn’t long before you gave him the go ahead to move, the subtle sting of his size still apparent, though the jolts of pleasure completely overshadowed the discomfort.

You were squealing into your arm, moaning like a porn star with every thrust, squeezing him and hitting your ass back in time with the buck of his hips.

“S-so wet, baby, so fuckin’ pretty, creamin’ all over my cock, aren’t you?” You nodded, yesyesyes, so obscene, you began to cry, heavy sobs heaving from your lips at the sheer pleasure of it all.

“Y’the only one that can make me feel this good, Robbie,” you moaned, blindly reaching back to find one of hands, clutching onto it and weaving your fingers between his. “M’all yours, Sir.”

His voice cracked when he whined out, squeezing his eyes shut smoothing a hand over the fat of your ass cheeks.

“Shit,” he hissed through clenched teeth, “baby, m’gonna cum already— m’sorry, sweet girl, just gotta fill you up.”

“Oh, please,” you begged, clenching and quivering around him, feeling the thick veins and ridges that ran along his length thrusting in and out, in and out. “Need it, want you to put a baby inside me, you’d make such a good daddy, Robert.”

His brain short-circuited at your crude words, hips stuttering and eyes going all starry and glossy as he came. Quick ropes of cum painted your walls, sticky and thick, and even with how sensitive his cock felt he continued to fuck his seed into your spasming pussy, your own orgasm washing over you with his filthy sounds.

Not a drop of cum was left to waste, all of it pushed deep inside, and once he was far too overstimulated to be inside you any longer, he stuffed his fingers inside you, plugging you with the Fischer prodigy and hoping with flushed cheeks and a beating heart it’d take.

All he wanted was to see you all round and full with his children. And soon the ring he had bought would be situated pride and place on your ring finger.

Soon.

[sgiandubh]

So now Tony is listed as director at all of Cait‘s companies. What do you think about that?

Dear So Now Anon,

What a coincidence (not!) I just answered a very similar Anon sent to @bat-cat-reader, which I suppose is clear enough.

But to make it even clearer (if at all possible) and keeping in mind what I wrote in that post about Persons of Significant Control, let's check a couple of things, shall we? For all the three other companies C owns.

They probably split 50/50 already, which would explain the rather vague 'has significant influence or control'. Why?

Here is why:

The currently available Balance Sheet, covering the period until 31 December 2023 shows there is not much in there. Barely 100 shares (1£/share), about 59K £ assets and 11 K £ of debts. May I remind you a balance sheet covers the company's assets (available funds, including incoming funds), liabilities (debts) and shareholder equity (the company's net worth, which is roughly the result of subtracting liabilities from assets and dividing them by the number of shareholders). The net worth serves to describe what each and every one of those shareholders are entitled to, should the company be liquidated and all its debts paid off. In this case, the retained earnings, which is the figure quoted between brackets (11.292 £) means the company is in debt/in the red.

Now, this is very interesting, Anon. Albeit The Happy Couple ™ are now both appointed officers in this company (and T has been so since October 1st 2024), this company's designated PSC is ... Byron Benirras. And who is Byron Benirras' own designated sole PSC? A certain Caitriona Mary B. That is normal - serious 💷💷is indirectly involved, this time, as we know the bulk of her assets is placed there. Therefore, C has full control and sole ownership of Little Nugget Films, too, via Byron Benirras. Remember (ROFLMAO): a legal person (i.e. a company, in this context) has the same rights and the same obligations/duties as the natural (meaning 'real') person behind it (C).

Let's have a look at financials:

On 31.03.2023, the company's assets were about 2.500 £ only and its liabilities around 17K£. In debt/in the red, too. But a clear will to remain in firm control of things from C's side.

This appears to be a totally, carefully planned move, too - future plans, perhaps?

This company has not two, but three appointed officers, one of which is another specialized service company (perfectly legal, in the UK), in charge of all the secretarial work (perfectly legal, too):

Not one, but two PSCs. Same mechanism as for FMN Drinks UK (see above):

Such a nice, tidy, even split. Why? Heh, indeed: why? Unless...

Let's have a look at the company's balance sheet on 31 March 2023:

Unless you do acquire real estate using your own funds (a very easy cross check with another one of C's companies reveals the exclusive provenance of those funds - sssh!), no mortgage and no bank loan needed. Property that is legally defined as investment property, which means it cannot legally be a home, nor taxed as such:

[Source: https://prosperity-wealth.co.uk/news/before-you-buy-investment-property/]

Now remind me what real estate might have been bought anytime between 31 March 2022 and 31 March 2023 and valued at about 2.120.000 £?

You'd probably be correct to guess this one:

[ For a complete tour of the GLA Taj Mahal's legal intricacies: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/764266729372368897/anon-rebelde-detecto-un-nerviosismo-muy-revelador?source=share]

Let's have a second look and, surely enough...

Some simple maths?

2.292.567 (amounts falling due within one year, which covers the 31.03.2022 -31.03.2023 period) - 2.167.392 (net current liabilities) = 125.175 £ (cash at bank). Roger that. I think there is also a second investment property, bought before 31 March 2022 for 1.6 million pounds and shown as such (valued at cost first, then at its fair value, which is evaluated at 1.9 million pounds, in 2023 - a nice appreciation of the initial investment).

I hope this answers your question, Anon. And given the very long and very emotional day that ended (whew, already?) about four hours ago, I hope I didn't miss something or make any gross mistake. You know how some other Anons can be, don't you?

[octuscle]

I want to turn myself into a twinky fuck toy for a wealthy man. Can chronviac help me with that?

Well, as they say, everything's bigger in Texas… I'm a junior partner in a large New York asset management firm. We take care of the high net worth clients. To get into our client file, you have to have over USD 100 million in free liquidity. Our clients are demanding. But we are the best. And we do everything for our customers. Really EVERYTHING!

When I took over the clients of a colleague who had retired a month ago, I thought Chuck Tex was a stage name. Until I had my first appointment with him. His record was more than impressive. Heir to old oil and cattle nobility. Classic career of the Texas oil barons. School in New England, studied in Paris, Oxford and Zurich, founded his first start-up company at the age of 20. And sold at 25 for USD 500 million. Now in his mid-30s, he had not yet inherited a cent from his family, but thanks to his excellent education and connections, he had already amassed a fortune on a par with that of his old man. I expected… Actually, I had no idea what I was expecting… But I certainly didn't expect this:

Chuck looked like a porn star. Or a marriage fraud. Or just like a man who I couldn't wait to throw me on the bed and fuck me mercilessly. His handshake was firm, but finely dosed just before the pain threshold. His gaze could certainly cut through steel plates. But I was a professional, I kept my composure. After I asked him what I could do for him, he got straight to the point. First of all, he needed some cash for his stay in New York. USD 10,000 would be enough. Gladly 100 dollar bills. But hot off the press, please. That was no problem. I sent a short memo to my assistant and she would take care of it. But the real reason for his visit was a project in Greenwich Village. He had bought a few buildings there that he was renovating. His aim was to restore the Village to its former charm. That's why he wanted to create cheap apartments, studios and stores and eliminate expensive office space. The whole thing was not intended as an investment, more as a hobby. A kind of gay and creative Disneyland. I briefly wondered why I wasn't actually a billionaire… And then I asked Chuck what my role was. Whether I could help with the financing or with saving taxes.

Chuck just grinned. No, saving taxes wouldn't fit in with his understanding of patriotism. And he would have financed it all with his last start-up exit. But he would need someone to take care of the real estate. Someone to ensure the right tenant mix. Someone to give his studio apartment the right finishing touches. I briefly went through my network in my mind. I had a gay acquaintance who owned a number of bars and restaurants. And I also knew a good project developer. And one of my school friends was a hip interior designer. I smiled and said I probably had just the people he needed. Chuck smiled back. It made my heart stop. He didn't want anyone from my network. He wanted me. I was about to say that I was flattered, but that I wasn't available for such projects right now. But instead I said "Of course, Daddy". Did I want to accompany him to the construction site? "If I may, Daddy!" At that moment, my assistant came in with a bundle of freshly pressed banknotes. Chuck smiled and said he needed me for the rest of the day. Please cancel all my appointments. I nodded to her and followed Chuck like a dog to its master.

In his limousine, Chuck asked me if I had ever been to Texas. I answered in the negative. But the boots I was wearing looked authentic. Yeah, they were my pride and joy. But I wouldn't have ridden a bull yet. I shook my head and giggled like a schoolgirl. Chuck kneaded the bulge in his pants and said that I would definitely be fucked by a bull today. I only got out a "Thank you, Daddy". Chuck let me sit on his lap. He undid another button of his silk shirt and exposed his right nipple. Like a puppy on its mother's teat, I began to suckle. Chuck kneaded my bulge and said that I was a good boy.

The car came to a halt in the second row in front of an old brick building. The walls were covered in high-quality graffiti. There was a closed table dance bar downstairs and some kind of jewelry store upstairs. Some kind of jewelry on display. Made of stainless steel. On closer inspection, piercing jewelry, cock rings and stainless steel dildos. I looked in the shop window like a child in the window of a candy store. Chuck took my hand, pulled me into the stairwell and told me that I could choose something later if I was good. He stroked the long hair on the back of my neck. I love my Mullet. I look a bit like the young cowboys on Daddy's Daddy's farm.

We had just arrived at Chuck's empty apartment when I got down on my knees in front of him and unbuttoned his pants. "First you strip for me, boy," Chuck ordered. He tossed me a cowboy hat that was in a closet. "Everything but your briefs, boots and hat!". Eagerly awaiting the reward, I did everything I was told to do. "And now lube yourself up". He threw me a bottle. And I did as I was told. I could feel my hard-earned muscles disappearing. I felt younger and younger. Although it was hard as steel, my cock was getting smaller and smaller. "I think you need a little more decoration, boy," Chuck said and put a chain on me. Satisfied, he looked at me as I sat on the floor and could hardly wait for my reward.

Chuck took his boner out of his pants. And I leaned back in anticipation. I wanted to be a good houseboy. And today was the housewarming party.

Chuck's pic found @mensuited, yours @hellishin

[dairy-farmer]

The Drakes get into some financial trouble. They’re not sure how, but their supply chains have been scooped up left and right. Their stocks have been very volatile. They’d suspect a hostile takeover attempt, except there hasn’t been any actual attempt. It’s strange.

Luckily, they get offered a great investment opportunity. Low risk, high rewards. It’s almost too good to be true. But the problem is they’re not very liquid at the moment and can’t really raise the funds.

So they decide to sell Timothy.

There’s no point in having an heir if there’s nothing to inherit. (he wasn’t that great of an heir anyway. It’d be better to increase their net worth and try again with hopefully a less needy child)

Luckily, Bruce Wayne has just started looking for a nice gift for Jason, and Timmy would suit him nicely. And Bruce Wayne is willing to pay higher than they’d thought they’d get for him!

At first, Tim is relieved when he hears who’s going to own him. Bruce Wayne famously bought Jason from Willis, only to turn around and adopt him instead. But then it turns out that Bruce has enough sons, and he really is a gift for Jason.

And then Tim finds himself owned. A possession. Just as much rights as a toy. Hell, he is a toy, just one that needs to be fed and watered.

It could be worse, he tells himself. His parents were also going to offer him to Sionis. And Jason isn’t cruel like him.

Turns out he is a bit of a bully though, and very demanding. Especially with all his teenage needs. Jason is insatiable.

But unlike Tim’s parents, he doesn’t mind teaching Tim new things. Like, Tim is a LOT more flexible than he was before. And he’s still learning to improve his gag reflex. Luckily Jason doesn’t mind when Tim struggles to swallow him down. He just takes what he needs, so even if Tim can’t get it quite right, Jason’s not mad. As long as Timmy tries.

And he does try! Tim has never liked doing anything but his best. So he quickly learns how Jason likes to be woken up-with Timmy bouncing on his lap or swallowing him down. He learns to always stay warm and wet for Jason. To hold Jason’s come inside as long as Jason wants.

Tim’s favorite days are when Jason brings him to school and he can listen in on the lessons from under the desk between Jason’s feet, head buried in Jason’s la, keeping him warm. It’s where Tim belongs now.

Tim only wears enough clothes to satisfy Jason’s possessiveness, and never when he’s in Jason’s room-unless Jason is in the mood to rip them off. His chest is often sore from all of Jason’s pinching and pulling and biting. There’s finger-shaped bruises on his hips. His lips (both of them) are red and swollen and wet from all the biting and sucking and using.

There’s two collars on Tim’s neck now- the one listing his owner and the ring of bites Jason refuses to let fade.

Tim doesn’t mind being owned as much as he thought he would. He was already a very obedient child, and it turns out he had been craving boundaries and structure. And belonging to Jason means no more anxiety or guesswork.

He sleeps where Jason puts him, eats what Jason feeds him, wears what Jason gives him. He doesn’t need to worry about pleasing his parents anymore, just pleasing Jason. And while Jason is demanding and insatiable, at least he’s willing to teach Tim. And he may be rough sometimes, but he’s not cruel about it. Any aches or pains Tim has is simply from Jason chasing his own pleasure. (Tim’s wants had never been important before, but now that he’s owned he doesn’t get any wants.) It’s not his place to have any desires beyond what he is given. It’s simple and easier that way

But the best part is that little Timmy doesn’t go a day without touch anymore. He’s never left alone for long. Jason’s hands, his cock, his mouth. Even when Tim is just curled up at Jason’s feet. He loves it.

He never knew how much he would enjoy being owned and kept full. How much he loves being desired and wanted and belonging. Being possessed.

-

Jason loves having a Timmy. He’s warm and wet and eager to please (it’s much less work training him than Jason thought it would be). Jason loves having something that belongs solely to him. Having that control. Being able to take out the days frustrations with a less destructive outlet. Knowing that whatever he says will be obeyed without question has done wonders for his mental health.

He thinks that once he graduates, maybe he’ll give Bruce a grandchild as thanks.

yesssssssssss!!!!!!!! this was so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bruce buying tim for jason to be his plaything, to keep him entertained, to keep him out of trouble, and to have something to work out all that teenage aggression and horniness out on!!!!

tim THRIVING in a situation where all he needs to be is a pretty, dumb little doll. although jason is mean to him sometimes he sometimes holds tim and kisses him, and once when jason was fucking him hard and fast he'd grunted about how much he loved tim's pussy. sure he'd specified it was tim's pussy he loved but it counted!

and jason- like bruce- has control issues and tim is the perfect outlet! he's something only jason owns and only jason can tell him what to do and use him. no one but jason can fuck tim or dress him or choose what he'll do or eat. jason has him trained just the way he likes him. he taught tim how to suck his cock the way he liked, how to tighten up his sweet little cunt so jason can cum really hard. jason has made tim perfect for him. and it wouldn't be crazy to say that he loves tim because tim never makes him angry or frustrated like other people. he's just a dumb little puppy who's ready to suck jason's cock at any momement and god does jason love him so much.

its why jason grows more considerate of tim, starts letting him cum while they fuck, starts having tim sleep in bed with him instead of on the floor like a dog. starts praising tim more and getting him regular health checkups. jason's had too many almost-girlfriends try and demand he get rid of tim, that they didn't like jason having tim around to screw. of course jason dumped them all like hot potatoes because like fuck was he listening to some broad who he wasn't even official with. but he also noticed how their words had....irritated him. the way they'd scrunched their nose at tim in distaste when tim was probably better than all of them combined. jason doesn't really see a future where he gets rid of tim in exchange for a steady girlfriend. he wants tim to be around at all times because he makes jason feel so good.

and bruce probably wouldn't care if jason never got married but he had done that old man thinking about sighing wistfully about grandkids. so...it seemed like a perfect oppertunity.

bruce's thorough health checkup of tim before buying him had been a fertility test and that's why he'd put tim on birth control so jason wouldn't knock him up.

but jason is graduating soon. he'll be a full grown adult. and if he wants to see his timmy all round and fat with his baby well...he doesn't think bruce would be too opposed.

[soullumii]

carnival lights | joel miller x f!reader

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you take joel to the yearly summer carnival.

warnings/tags: pure fluff, little bit of sexual humor, fake gun use! (water guns), carnival fun, no outbreak!joel, soft!joel, modern au, food, implied age gap (reader is in her 20s, joel is in his 40s), pet names (peach, darlin', sweetheart, baby), established relationship. (can be read as part of the stranded universe!), NO USE OF Y/N

word count: 3.5k

a/n: something cute while i work on stranded part 2. there's no plot, just vibes

taglist: @hecatombix @thatmemechick @sexygaypalpatine

“I can’t believe you dragged me out to this mess,” Joel grumbles. 

Warm summer air settles over the both of you as screams from excited kids and terrified people on rollercoasters echo around you in the night. Joel’s scowl is illuminated by flashing lights from various pop-up mirror mazes, haphazardly put together ferris wheels, and scandalously painted funhouses.

Seriously, though, why does the children’s funhouse have a mural of a Parisian can-can dancer plastered on the front of it, her fish-netted vagina visible from quite literally any angle within this carnival?

It’s so incredibly ridiculous, and you absolutely love it. You just love carnivals—always have. 

Even if they’re probably a safety hazard, even if the creepy clowns wandering about scared you a lot as a kid, and even if the sweet aroma of funnel cakes and fried Oreos and cotton candy mixes with the skunky smell of cheap weed. It brings back memories. And yeah, it might give you a headache after a few minutes, but it’s everything you adore, even if you’re in your late twenties now. 

“It’s fun, Joel. Have you ever heard of fun?” You tease, dragging him along the dirt path littered with cigarette butts and mystery liquids. You get a whiff of hot dog.

Joel must get it too, because his nose scrunches and he steps aside a dubious pile of something inscrutable. “My definition of fun ain’t exactly this.”

“Look! That looks fun!” You point excitedly toward a ride called “The Zipper” rising high in the sky, its metal capsules filled with adrenaline junkies swinging back and forth as the entire ride spins on an axis.

“Jesus Christ,” Joel swears under his breath.

“What? Don’t you want to ride it?” 

When you glance over at him, he’s looking particularly green, though you can’t exactly tell if that’s from the spinning cups next to you flashing green and white or if he’s truly feeling unwell.

“Are you okay?” You ask, sincerity coating your words as you turn to him. 

“I’m fine,” he shakes his head. “I just—you should’ve taken Ellie and Sarah with you. I’m not any fun at these kinds of things.”

“Joel…” you say, a teasing smile growing as your hand lands on his arm. “Are you scared?” 

He scowls, but hesitates in his answer, gaze darting away from you. “No.”

Liar. “Joel, it's okay if you’re scared,” you say. “We don’t have to ride any rides. I wanted to come with you just to spend time with you.”

His gaze softens and he sighs. “I know, peach. I wanna spend time with you, too. And for the record, I’m not scared, I’m just concerned about… my back.”

“Riiight,” you smirk. “Let’s go find something to do that won’t hurt your back then.”

You find a funnel cake stand charging $15 per cake. Joel grumbles about how ridiculous, and frankly, illegal it is that they’re charging so much for what is basically a scribble of fried dough as he pulls out his wallet.

“It's about the culture of it all, Joel,” you declare as you take a bite of doughy and powdered sugar goodness. “It’s just what carnival goers do. It’s only once a year, they can make the sacrifice.” You tear off a piece of it and give it to him. 

“I guess seein’ Sarah smile after eatin’ fried oreos was worth it," he relents as he takes the cake and plops it into his mouth, humming gratefully and yes! you’re starting to wear him down! 

“Exactly.”

After you both finish your funnel cake among a screaming swath of kids, you drag him toward the farm animals. This, he has to like. 

You enter into the tent, Joel’s hand tucked in yours, and the smell of manure and dirt immediately choke the both of you, the scent trapped in by the heat and the plastic material of the tarp. Joel somehow seems to look even worse than he did when you mentioned the Zipper.

“These poor animals,” he whispers, eyes wide as he takes in the fences sectioning off llamas and sheep and highland cattle. “They should be out wanderin’ in a field.”

“They do, Joel,” you insist, squeezing his hand. “It’s just for tonight. Come on, let���s go pet one.”

After a snot-nosed child stumbles away from the sheep pen, Joel makes his way over. He frowns down at them, reaching a hand in through the fence to pet them. The sheep inch forward, pressing their wet noses into his palm, and he strokes their soft wool lovingly. Your heart flutters at the sight.

And then you hear him whispering to them: “I’ll get you out of here.”

Before Joel can do something drastic, like wrench open the fence on pure strength alone (which you know he is absolutely capable of), you drag him out of the tent. Your spirits are extinguished, the night feeling more and more like a failure. You have to get him to have fun, somehow.

“Those poor animals,” he says again, shakes his head as you draw him toward the game booths.

“They’ll be okay, Joel,” you reassure gently, rubbing his shoulder blades. 

He just shakes his head again, and your heart fractures. You plaster on a smile and set him in front of a booth with two plastic water guns tethered to a ledge, at the far end of the booth are targets bobbing up and down, moving along a track.

“Let’s play this!” You say, handing the teenage booth manager a dollar bill. He chews his gum apathetically, and pulls the lever to start up the game. 

This piques Joel’s interest and he watches you grab the pistol-shaped water gun, aiming it at a target, your eye winking as you train your gaze on a target. 

“No, no, I can’t let you shoot like that,” he says, grabbing the pistol. He maneuvers your hands, “Left squeezes on the right, darlin’.” He then adjusts your arms and tries to grab the pistol from you, but it's sturdy in your new grasp, not going anywhere.

“There,” he says, proud, and grabs the other gun, pointing it at the first target. “Good luck, peach. You're gonna need it.”

“We’ll see about that,” you tease. You have no idea what you’re getting into.

“Start,” the booth manager monotonously drawls.

Before you can even pull the trigger, three of Joel’s targets are down, and he is cackling as he obliterates the others on his side. Your jaw drops, eyes widening.

Because, what the hell?

You scramble to catch up, pressing the trigger rapidly at your own targets, but only a few hits land. By the time the bored teenager calls ‘game’, Joel’s got his arms over his chest, watching you with a satisfied smile as you try in vain to shoot the last three targets on your side.

You turn to him in shock, but your bones feel light, your pulse beating rapidly because at least he’s finally having fun. And, admittedly, his skill is attractive.

“You should see your face right now,” he laughs.

“You won this,” the teenager drones, holding out a big fluffy teddy bear, half the size of Joel. 

“I’m keepin’ this,” Joel says, grabbing the bear and holding it close. He looks ridiculous, holding that giant teddy bear in his corded arms, peppered locks falling over his forehead. Ridiculously handsome. Ridiculously cute. You've got to keep this going.

“What? Seriously? You’re not going to give your girlfriend the bear you won?” You pout. He just smiles wider. 

“Darlin’, you’ve gotta earn this. Your shootin’ was pathetic.” He grabs another dollar from his wallet and hands it to the red-headed teen. “Another one, kid.”

Instead of grabbing his own pistol when the game starts up again, Joel comes in close around your back, warm chest pressing against your shoulder blades as his hands skim down your arms. He lays a chaste kiss on the side of your throat and your heart beats rapidly like a bird’s, warmth settling within you, a flush dusting your cheeks at his proximity. 

His broad palms land on yours, and he adjusts your hold again like he did last time. “This was good. Your aim, on the other hand…”

“I’ve never shot a fucking gun before, Joel,” you defend.

“This is a water gun, peach.” You grumble as he drags your arms up, sets them in a position that is honestly not very comfortable, but you can see how it might be easier for aiming. 

“Aim that ‘lil notch at the top of the gun in the middle of your target.” You follow his instruction dutifully. “Good, now shoot.”

It’s all in good fun, the gun light and cheap in your hand, but you treat it as if you truly are about to shoot a real gun, if only because your competitive nature likes to take over. You take a deep breath and let it out, then pull the trigger. The target goes down swiftly.

Joel pulls back, grinning down at you. “Nice job, peach.”

You preen at his praise.

“Alright, now hit the next one.” 

You do just that. He holds his hand up for a high five and you slam your palm onto his, laughing giddily. "I'm so fucking good at this!"

He hisses, shaking his stinging hand out, “Why do you always high five so hard?”

“The game’s almost done,” the teenager warns.

You turn and deflate at the sight of ten targets still standing, confidence leaving your body in one fell swoop. You have about twenty seconds to shoot the last targets, and you wilt, knowing that’s absolutely not going to happen. You gaze sadly at the stuffed whale hanging from the awning. 

Joel, noticing your disappointment, grabs his own pistol and fires off at his targets, each painted bullseye flinging back as the water hits it, the targets dropping one by one in quick succession. Even the moving ones he finds easily, spraying them with firm focus, eyebrows furrowed over his hard eyes. 

He finishes with five seconds to spare, and a smirk on his lips. He makes a show to pretend to blow smoke away from the water gun’s barrel, and you can't help but laugh. You never see him this goofy, and it makes your body tingle with happiness.

The booth manager rolls his eyes and gets the whale down, handing it to Joel. You give him the biggest puppy eyes you can manage, lips puckered in a pout, and you can see the moment it hits him right in the heart, his smile growing soft, the way he looks away from you, turning to try and hide it. But he can’t, and you tremble at the sight feeling so full, so warm. 

“Come on, Joel. I’m never going to be as good as you–which by the way, where the fuck did you learn to do that?” You say, grabbing the tail of the whale and tugging. 

"Growin' up on a farm, darlin'. Tommy was always wantin' to shoot the ducks."

"Ah, so you're a master at duck hunting, huh?"

He shrugs. "You could say that."

He tugs the whale away from your grasp, gesturing to the booth. "Alright, one more game. Come on baby, you can do it."

You groan, and he hands another dollar over. The kid looks even more bored. Maybe even annoyed at this point. You don't blame him. You grab the pistol, and get to shooting, not without spraying some water at Joel first. He doesn’t even flinch.

Five targets later (you never could get the full ten), you're whooping and hollering as the kid hands you a fluffy monkey plushie.

"There we go!" Joel praises. “Nice goin’ peach!”

You do a little happy dance, not caring if you look ridiculous, and Joel tucks you into his side, throwing another dollar bill at the apathetic teen.

“For your patience,” he says. You giggle loudly into your palm.

“I don’t get paid enough to be here,” the kid mumbles as Joel tugs you away and back through the carnival.

You look up at him, taking in his carefree expression, the content smile on his face, and the way the lights flash off his eyes, making them sparkle. His strong arm is wrapped around your waist, your cheek pressed into his shoulder.

“Finally having fun?”

He looks down at you, eyebrow quirking. “What’d’ya mean? I’ve been havin’ fun this whole time.”

You stop, pulling back to really look at him, blinking in disbelief. “What? But you’ve seemed so… upset. The rollercoasters, the funnel cake...the animals."

Joel’s smile slips, and a clear sincerity takes hold in his eyes. “Darlin’ none of that matters to me. Just bein’ with you is enough to make anythin’ fun.”

“Oh,” is all you can say, nerves thrumming, mind racing.

“I’m sorry I made you feel otherwise, I'm not very good with emotions," he says, threading his fingers with yours, and your heart stutters. You knew that. He’s always been a closed book, and even if he does decide to be more open, it can be hard to truly decipher how he feels. Though he’s always quick to assure you that you mean everything to him.

“I’ll ride a damn rollercoaster with you anytime if you really want me to.”

This is why you love him so damn much.

You beam, though it turns teasing, “Thanks, Joel, but I don’t want to hurt you.” You poke his lower back.

Joel chuckles. “My back is fine. I’m just scared.”

“Oh really? Finally admitting it, Miller?“

"You know I struggle with admitting my flaws, darlin'."

"Right, because you hardly have any."

"Exactly."

"Well, anyway, I have an idea."

"Do ya now?”

You drag him toward the giant ferris wheel stretching high into the sky, the neon lights climbing its spokes flashing excitedly, drawing the carnival goers in.

You settle in a seat with Joel next to you, though because of the long line, you're forced to be seated with another couple across the way. An older couple, with matching t-shirts and candy necklaces.

"Hey there!" The woman chirps. "What a lovely night, ain't it?"

Joel nods awkwardly, "Sure is."

"It's beautiful," you add.

It truly is, a gentle breeze stirs the warm air, driving away mosquitos and the Texan humidity. The navy sky is clear, only a few fluffy clouds sprinkled about. You’d spend the entire night out here if you could.

"I'm Sharon, my husband Burt and I have been comin' to this carnival for the past fifty years," she says, gesturing to the man in overalls beside her.

"That's amazing," you say honestly. "I’d like to have a tradition like that, too.”

You tell her your and Joel’s names, ignoring the latter’s pleading glance at you by smiling at Sharon and Burt and complimenting their matching shirts.

Burt's says: Nothing Sense We're and hers says: Makes When Apart.

You despise the shirts deeply, but you might as well be friendly to the people you'll be stuck with for the next fifteen minutes.

"Thanks darlin'! Are you two a couple?"

You take Joel's hand, "Yep! Finally reeled this slippery fish in."

"Jesus Christ," Joel grumbles under his breath. You try not to laugh.

"Older men, so evasive, am I right?" Sharon whispers, a hand coming up to shield her mouth from her husband, as if he can't hear her in this tiny space.

"I hear you, sister.”

Joel rubs his thumb and forefinger against his temple.

"Well, enjoy your ride," she beams. "Just beware, my hubby gets gassy when we get halfway up."

You choke on a shocked laugh, your palm slapping over your lips. You lean into Joel, eyes wide, who looks green once again.

"Oh my god," you hiss to him.

"Now look what you've done. We're 'bout to get chloroformed by farts."

You can’t hide your laugh this time, “Joel!"

The ferris wheel jerks, and Joel's hand tightens around yours as it begins to ascend. You notice the tick in his jaw, the way his gaze pointedly darts from the spokes of the wheel to the pole in the center of the seat and back.

"Are you scared of ferris wheels too?" You ask.

"No," he hisses. "I'm scared of state carnival ferris wheels. They set this piece of shit up in three days. How can you even trust it?"

"I just like to think about possible ways I'd survive it."

"Yeah, like what? Grabbing onto the pole and just hanging there 'til they get ya?"

"Exactly, see, it'll be fine."

"That's if the whole thing doesn't detach."

"I think it's more likely we'll die from suffocating by old man farts than this thing detaching."

That gets a laugh out of Joel, and his gaze finally finds the land stretching out beneath you as the ferris wheel rises. The moon hangs high above the clouds, bright and full, and stars dot the dark sky like jewels sewn on a blanket. The breeze ruffles his hair, and you wish to run your hands through it.

"This is nice," he says. "I'm glad I came out here with you."

"You didn't have much of a choice, but I'm glad you're enjoying it."

You hear the man across from you pass gas, and you hide a grimace.

Joel leans in to whisper in your ear, his breath ghosting over your sensitive skin making you shiver. "This would be pretty romantic if it weren't for Mr. and Mrs. Clause over there."

"Watch it, you'll be approaching that age soon."

"I've got at least twenty years, peach. Maybe you'll be sick of me by then."

"Oh no," you shake your head, looking earnestly into his eyes. "I'll gratefully smell your farts 'til the end, Joel."

"You're messed up," he grimaces.

You just smile at him, and he grins back, his arm slung over the back of the seat, his thumb massaging your neck, and you melt into him, content to watch the world shrink as you near the top.

Eventually the ferris wheel comes to a stop at the top, and you gaze out across the dark world, head resting on Joel's shoulder. He pulls you in close.

"It's time for the kiss!" Sharon exclaims, grabbing Burt's fraying overalls and tugging him in to plant a kiss right on his lips. He melts right into her, and in mere seconds, you and Joel are witness to a geriatric couple making out.

"Ain't this somethin'," Joel says.

"Oh. My. God."

Sharon pulls back after a good thirty seconds, and turns to you and Joel. "Alright! Your turn!"

"Oh no, that's okay," you say, waving your hand. Joel is private in his affections, though his little show at the target booth earlier might say otherwise. Generally, he prefers keeping you to himself.

But tonight, he's full of surprises.

"C'mon, peach. Let's do it. Let’s give these kind folks a show, like they did for us."

"Yes! He gets it!" Sharon bounces excitedly. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

You've been wanting to kiss him all night, so you're really not against it. Though, it's still weird, and you give Joel a pained look.

"I'll give you the whale for this," he promises.

"And the bear," you argue.

"Fine. And the bear."

You grin, and then his hand is at the back of your neck, pulling you in, his nose brushing your cheek as he slots your lips together. He tastes like funnel cake and cotton candy and you honestly don't want this night to end.

Your eyes flutter shut as he adjusts you to deepen the kiss, his tongue swiping across your bottom lip. Your hands plant on his chest, nails digging into the fabric stretching over his firm pecs.

"Woo! Yeah! Kiss her hard! Kiss her really good.”

Your lip is still caught between his teeth when Joel slowly pulls away, eyes trained angrily on Sharon and Burt. He clears his throat as leans back in his seat, and you avoid eye contact with the very strange couple across from you. Joel's hand is hot on your exposed thigh, and now you really wish you weren't fifty feet in the air stuck with some very questionable folks.

Finally, five minutes later you touch the ground again.

"Y'all have fun now!" Sharon squeaks and steers Burt toward the cowboy-themed carousel.

"Have a good night you two," Joel says, faintly as they beeline away from you, almost like you were the weird ones.

He hands you the whale but holds the bear for you as you make your way back to Joel's pickup.

"Well, that was something," you say.

"I don't think I'll get that image out of my head. Or the smell," Joel's nose scrunches.

You stop, turning toward him. "I'm sorry about this. I thought it would be fun. We'd play games and share a romantic kiss on the ferris wheel and feed the animals-"

The words fade as Joel's palm settles on your cheek, his thumb running across your bottom lip, his other hand landing on your waist. "Darlin', we did all of that."

"Yeah, but it all sucked. I can't shoot for shit. And you don't like the animals being all cooped up, and then Sharon and Burt practically eating each other in front of us, then getting turned on by our kissing? You don't think I saw Burt's hard-on?"

His eyes widen in disgusted shock. "His what?"

Your eyes well up. "I’m sorry, Joel."

He shakes his head, pulling you into his chest. "Peach, I had a great time. I love doing whatever you love. I love you, okay? So next year, you can drag me out here again and we can be Sharon and Burt's spank bank material and I'll enjoy it just as much as I did today."

Your laugh is watery against his chest, and he tilts your chin up to softly press his lips against yours again, this time shielded from the hungry gaze of strange old people. He thumbs away your tears.

"By the way," he whispers against your lips. "I liked watchin' you fail at shootin'. It's cute."

You glare half-heartedly at him, pushing him off of you and rounding to the passenger side of the truck. "I always knew you were into humiliation."

"Maybe we should try it, just to know for sure," he smirks, leaning against the door frame, towering over you.

You look him up and down, eyeing the muscles of his forearms and the way his t-shirt stretches across his broad chest. Your voice comes out lower than you expect it to.

“Get in the damn truck, Miller."

"Yes ma'am."

[phregnancy]

I’ve seen some people mention things about Dan and Phil’s finances, but what do we know definitively? Are their net worths really what a Google search says they are, are they millionaires? And does all the money really go into Phil’s account?

no all the money does not go into phil’s account, phil was making a joke that he later had to clarify was a joke because people don’t understand when he’s joking. we don’t know anything definitively! except that the google net worths are wrong because they’re wrong for every celebrity ever because celebrities don’t share their financials. it’s likely that their combined net worth is in the multimillions because they were making a lot of money with youtube and lived quite normal lives without extremely extravagant purchases for most of their careers, but they’re not so rich that they had enough money liquid to buy and build their custom london home without a loan from the bank. i’d guess that they have a money manager because rich people can’t stay on top of their finances alone. it’s also probable that they invest a large portion of their money because that’s also what rich people do. but really we don’t know much of anything for sure!

[spitblaze]

Ape Escape Good.

Like look I'm a freak and a weirdo and I don't play games until like twenty + years after they're released. That being said I didn't grow up with a ps1 so better late than never.

Anyway! If you’re like me and end up not playing games very important to the history of the medium until way after they're relevant, you could do far worse than Ape Escape. It's easy to start the game and go 'ouuuugh fuck this controls like SHIT' but I PROMISE you that you will get used to the controls, they will feel natural and even intuitive by the time you get most of the gadgets. This was the first game that REQUIRED a playstation controller with analog sticks, and it makes good use of them, even if it might not feel like it at first. Don't worry about the controls.

And it's easy to point out the historical significance of this being the game to really sell people on the analog controls and leave it there, but there's way more here than just that. This game was made at the very tail end of the 90s, and it just oozes with it. It's in the UI with the liquid color splash behind the cookies/biscuits that represent your health, it's in the supersaturated and serene landscapes you traverse while doing 3d platformer collectathon shit, it's in the incredible dnb/jungle soundtrack composed by Soichi Terada of Sumo Jungle fame, it's in Specter, the hyperintelligent time-traveling ape antagonist who had a lot of attention of FFnet for being Shadow the Hedgehog (but an ape)(and also being colored white instead of black) before Shadow the Hedgehog, it's in the. Okay I can’t lie it's also in the subpar dub job in the US version too but that's part of the charm at this point. It is of its time in the most charming way possible, it's a very sincere game about catching apes with a net while surreal atmospheric house music underscores the whole thing. It's great.

There's like...only a handful of things I can really complain about and not chalk up to me being bad at video games. There is a boat in this game. It sucks ass to control. It's completely optional, you can skip it if you don't mind taking some damage. There's some things you can do with the controller that they don't tell you about in-game until weirdly late, but I'm sure it was all very clearly laid out in the instruction booklet. In first-person controls, the y-axis controls are inverted, bur not the x-axis, which was frustrating the whole way through. Really the one thing that REALLY sucks is that if you fall off a cliff or down a bottomless pit, it doesn't just take some of your health- it takes a full life. For that fact alone I'd reccomend playing it on something with savestates- the ps4/ps5 re-release, an emulator, whatever. There's enough tricky platforming over bottomless pits that it's worth having them, especially if you are like me and not good at video games. My one final complaint is that they keep calling them monkeys in the game when they are CLEARLY supposed to be apes, they have no tails and are making chimpanzee noises, the name of the game is APE escape, please.

So! Play Ape Escape if you have 10-15 hours and the ability to play ps1 games on some platform, it's aged remarkably well and while I can't like...guarantee you'll have a blast with it, I certainly did.

[ravenbloodshot]

Wealthiest Members of Exo 💰💲

Ranking from most wealthy to least:

Baekhyun

Kai

Suho

Xiumin

The last five will rest here (none of them are in good places financially rn)

From what I'm getting, none of these members are particularly "wealthy" most of them I would say are "comfortable". But calling them wealthy would be like comparing Bill Gates' wealth to a homeless persons (not saying they're homeless btw)

Baekhyun- He seems to be the most stable financially to the point that he seems quite unamused with his life. He's really bored. It's like the energy of a person that has all of their bills paid with a nice amount of money sitting in the bank and now is just looking around at what to do next

Kai- His finances is giving me the energy of a person walking away from the gambling table, not exactly empty handed but he doesn't have a pocket full of gold either. It could be that while being in the military he doesn't have much access to his money or gaining any wealth. I'm also seeing some betrayal here, so I'm not sure if he put someone in charge of his money but they could be screwing him over

Suho- I think he bought something quite big recently (like a house/apartment/building etc...) and in terms of his net worth he's sitting pretty high up but when it comes to liquid assets (physical money one has access to) he doesn't have much. It's probably bc of this purchase. I'm also seeing a possible new project, so overall he's invested his money into something so rn he has none, but there is a possibility as time goes by that he would get a return on his investment

D.O- Rn he's fighting to get more acting roles and gigs. I think he wants a specific role that's costing him time and money since he's wasting time waiting to get this role and arguing with ppl over it. When he could be using this time to make money doing other things instead of obsessing over a role he probably won't get. This energy is also giving arguments with the company SM and his manager as well

Xiumin- I don't think he's making any money doing anything besides being an idol. Maybe he has small gigs here and there but they're few and far between. Good thing is that he has the drive and motivation to up his finances (unlike some of his other members, I'll get to them soon)

Chanyeol- He has no passion rn to work or any motivation to make money so his money isn't growing. He could be completely over being an idol and would rather spend his days hanging out with friends (lowkey living the slum life, no shade lol). The energy feels like he's housing a bunch of his boys and they're all just drinking and smoking all day while jamming to music.

Sehun- I don't know if these guys have a contract renewal coming up but it seems like he's waiting to get out of his contract. If it's not with SM , it's with another gig he worked for. It's like he doesn't want the responsibilities of some type of job anymore (I'm not sure if it's his idol job or something else). He's quite over it and he also isn't feeling up to working rn so his money is suffering for that

Chen- He's spending more than he's making. I think he's finding it hard to focus on work these days, I see his wife and possibly his children (but more so his wife) taking up a lot of his time and money. The wife could overspend but he also could too, like buying the kids random things they don't need. But I also see his health isn't the best, he's not taking care of himself properly.

Lay- I don't know what's going on but it's like his putting in a lot of work and putting in the time but he's not really seeing a lot of money for it. Whatever he's doing these days for money seems like dead end jobs that won't really get him anywhere financially but leaves him feeling burnt out. Also, he's spending a lot of money on a romantic relationship, buying them gifts and possibly funding his lovers life style. It's like hes taking his girl on a bunch of shopping sprees that he lowkey can't afford. And it's not that he's broke but it's just that it takes A LOT OF WORK and hustling on his part to make money so he can't recklessly spend like he has.

[hypergamiss]

Could you elaborate ob the streams of income? I wanna build something like that for myself. Sick of being stuck

Yes of course! There is a lot to unpack so I will do my best to keep it simple.

You start off with your first business venture or side hustle. You save every bit of profit and reinvest it to make more money. When you start out this should be supplemental income and your main source of income should be something stable like a job until you can afford to start paying yourself enough money to live off of.

Once I got my first business scaled appropriately and automated, I still decided to not pay myself and roll the profits over into creating a second business or side hustle. You can do this as many times as you want. I’ve rolled over profits and invested into new businesses 9 times so far. Only 6 of them worked out and still make me money today. Not every single one of your business ventures will work out, so you have to be willing to take risks.

I was comfortable with sacrificing paying myself more money while I continued to constantly reinvest and act broke.

During this time and even now I do have men in my life who invest in me and my businesses so I will say I have an advantage being a woman.

So not only do I have several streams of income, I also have investments that make me profits via interests compounding in the background. Once you get to a high enough net worth you can focus more on passive investing and less on the business side of things but you do need a lot of liquid cash for the deals that are worthwhile.

Whatever your monetary goals is, plan backwards and break it down into baby steps. Do not accept no for an answer and only think of solutions when you hit a road block. Be patient and milk every opportunity. Network and find people that will give you the knowledge you need along the way.