#linkedout

[ahsteria]

job interviewer asks why i want this job so i hand him my ‘resume’ which is completely blank except for one line of text reading “woah….kill yourself” in 11 pt helvetica

[andyridgeley]

linkedin linkedOUT getme OUTTA HERE !!!

[artificial-transmutations]

Beating Recession

Recession sucked, that much was clear to Logan even before he checked his email inbox. When he saw a few replies to his job applications from the last days, he sighed. He didn't need to open the mails to know that the news was bad, but he did so anyway.

"We regret to inform you..." - Logan didn't even read on. He had lost his job as an apprentice electrician about half a year ago. The company was going under, and Logan, the youngest and least experienced worker, was the first to go. That's how it was in this business. Since then, he had applied to every single position that came up - but apparently, the current economic situation was so bad that nobody needed another worker.

Logan had hoped that his apprenticeship would get him a job, but the fact that he was only 20 and had not much practical experience hurt him. Slowly, money was becoming a pretty big problem. Whatever savings he had (for some real estate of his own! As if that was going to happen!) had melted away over the last months. His rent was due, and he had no income.

In fact, he was one month late with his rent already, and although his landlord had been cool about it, Logan did not see how he would be able to keep his apartment. He really, really wanted to avoid moving back in with his parents who had their own problems, too.

So, what was he going to do? There wasn't much more to do than keep looking for a job, even though his chances were slim.

He opened LinkedOut and looked for openings, just as he had done multiple times before this week. The sparse list of jobs had not changed, so Logan scrolled on.

He was about to give up again when a listing caught his eye.

"Escape unemployment today! Change™ job agency will find the perfect job, for the perfect you. Apply here!"

He had heard of such agencies before, and the results were not pretty. Usually, they just took the applicants' data and sold it on. They would claim to have found a job for you, but it usually wouldn't work out, and the applicant would have paid money for this useless service. Still, Logan was curious enough to click the link. If they wanted money, he would back out immediately - it was not like he had any to spare.

To Logan's big surprise, when he clicked the link, a new page opened, with a web-based chat interface. Before he could close the tab again, there was already a message in the window. It read:

"Kevin: Hey, and welcome to the Change™ job agency. My name is Kevin. How may I help you today?"

It was a nice surprise that they didn't try to sell him anything or even ask for his data before he had entered the website. Well, no harm done. He might as well give them a try. Hesitating slightly, Logan's fingers hovered over the keyboard before he typed:

"Hi. I'm Logan and I'm looking for a new job."

The answer came quickly, but not so quickly that Logan would suspect the other person to be a chatbot. After some moments, Kevin's reply appeared on the screen:

"Great. What kind of job are you looking for? And what kind of salary are we talking?"

Logan considered the questions. This was probably the point where they would ask him for his data. He silently cursed his excessive caution. Of course, they had to ask these questions. How else should they offer him anything?

"Uhm. My last job was as an apprentice electrician, but at this point I would be pretty happy about just any job. The salary should be high enough to pay my rent."

Logan hesitated before hitting enter. He didn't want to come over as quite so desperate, but the truth was, he was.

"Okay, no problem. Do you have a preferred working sector?"

What a weird question. Why did it matter what industry he preferred?

"Uhm, not really. I guess anything is fine."

"Very well. Before I look up what's there in our database, I would need some basic information about you. Namely gender, age, ethnicity and sexual orientation."

"Wait. What does my sexual orientation have to do with a job? Besides, why do you need to know my ethnicity? Is this even legal?"

Logan had typed furiously and pressed enter before thinking about his reply.

"I understand your confusion. We here at the Change™ job agency strive to find not only a job, but the best job for the best you, so we need to know what we're working with. It wouldn't be very appropriate to apply a person as an actress who is really good at sports, now would it? Of course, you have to understand that your answers are confidential and will not be disclosed to any third parties, especially not your future employer."

That was fishy deluxe. Logan really didn't want to feed some unknown job agency all that highly personal information. On the other hand,... what did he have to lose?

"Well, I guess it can't hurt. Uhm. I'm a male, 20 years old, I would call myself white and I'm heterosexual."

"Wonderful. One last question: Are you comfortable with nudity and public sexual activities?"

"Wait, WHAT? I mean, uhm, sure, I guess? I mean, why should I need that?"

"This question is purely to determine if we should also have a look in the adult entertainment section of our job offerings. Alright Logan, please stand by while I enter your data into our search engine."

Logan leaned back. He felt a bit uneasy about all that. But it was not like his answers could lead them directly to his apartment, so he felt relatively safe.

A minute or so passed, and Logan started to think that he had been tricked after all, but just as he was about to close the tab, a new message appeared.

"Sorry for the delay, I had a few calls. We found two jobs that could be a fit. The first one is an office job in a big insurance company. To be honest, it's not that good of a fit and it doesn't pay very well either."

"That's fine." Logan wrote. He was incredibly on edge now. Could it really be so easy to find a new job? And he even had a choice?

"What's the other one?" he added to his previous message.

"Okay, the other job is a bit more unconventional, but we have the feeling it could be a great match. It's an actor position in the porn industry, at the famous XXX Incorporated."

"Porn? What? Are you serious? I mean, I don't have anything against porn or nudity or whatever, but I'm not sure if this is the kind of job I want."

Logan felt mixed feelings. The prospect of being some office drone sounded pretty uninteresting and a low pay wasn't all that good either. But a porn actor? Logan had to admit, the thought felt somewhat interesting, but he doubted he had what it took for that? Weren't porn stars famously hung and well-built? That was certainly not Logan. Just as he pondered those thoughts, Kevin's answer appeared:

"I understand Sir. So, should we continue with the first job opening then?"

Logan bit his lip, but the curiosity got the better of him.

"Wait. What does the second job entail? I mean, I'm not exactly... equipped for the porn business."

"Well, as I have said: It's an actor position, so you would star in some new adult entertainment productions. While I understand your modesty, our records show that you are more than adequately gifted for this kind of job."

Logan felt confused. He absentmindedly scratched his crotch before he replied:

"Uhm, sorry, I don't think you understand. I don't really think my..." Logan paused. Was he really going to write that? It was embarrassing, but at least he could be reasonably sure he would never meet this Kevin in real life. So, he continued:

"... penis is big enough for such a position."

The answer came promptly.

"Really? Better have a look to be sure ;-)"

A winking smiley? That wasn't very professional. Actually, the whole sentence wasn't. Still, Logan couldn't stop himself from glancing at his crotch. What he saw made him take a double take. His soft cock was forming a visible and ample bulge in his jeans. Logan knew that he was slightly smaller than average, so that was ridiculous. It was almost a... a porn star-sized bulge!

He stared at his package, but it wasn't growing any smaller. With trembling hands, he opened his jeans. Immediately, a well-filled pair of boxers escaped the confinement of his jeans. The dick print of his soft member was clearly visible in his underwear, and it wasn't just much bigger than Logan remembered. It was among the biggest bulges he had ever seen in his life!

His hands explored the impressive manhood through his underwear and felt every centimeter of the hardening dick. He had no idea what had caused this growth, but he wasn't complaining. Before he could interact more with it, however, he noticed another message on the screen.

"Are you still there, Sir?"

"Sorry, yes." Logan hurried to reply. What was he going to write? "I was below average just a few moments ago but now I have one of the biggest cocks in human history"?

Instead, Kevin answered.

"Good! I trust you had a chance to inspect your assets?"

"Uhm, yes."

"So, have you made up your mind, or should I look into the office position?"

Logan was torn. He wasn't sure what he had seen just a moment ago. Still, his enormous cock that was half-hard in his boxers was there, undeniably.

"Let's go with the porn star position." Logan finally typed, and his heart was racing.

"Very good! Now, as I mentioned, the position is in the adult entertainment sector. Do you know the company XXX Incorporated?"

Logan thought quickly about it before replying: "No, sorry, never heard of them."

"That is not at all surprising, since they specialize in the adult sector for homosexual men. According to your data, you identify as heterosexual. I hope that won't be a problem?"

Of course, there was a catch. Logan had heard about these gay for pay people and he hesitated yet again. They paid well, supposedly, but...

"Uhm. Would that mean I would need to be on the receiving end?" He wasn't too close-minded and could imagine kissing another man if he had to, perhaps even receiving a blow job from one. But having another person fuck him in the ass? No, that was way beyond his comfort zone.

"I believe the technical term you are looking for is 'to bottom'." Kevin replied, and added another message shortly after:

"But the company is, in fact, looking for a 'top' actor. They put it like this: 'We are looking for a well-built top for our new productions.'"

Logan was relieved. While he was a gold star gay man (why did he put 'heterosexual'? That was utter bullshit!), he was a strict top. This position sounded better and better. Still, one thing raised some new doubts.

"Hold on. I'm hung like a horse, but I wouldn't say I'm very muscular or even fit. I'm not much of a gym goer."

"Are you sure ;-)?"

Again, with the winking smiley! Kevin sounded so very professional most of the time, but then there were these messages. Logan scratched the back of his shoulder with some effort. Whenever he raised his arms so high the mountains of muscle on his upper arms danced and made it difficult to reach his back. Logan suddenly realized that something had changed - again! His shirt strained against his muscular chest, and as he lifted his shirt, he could see some cobblestone abs on an otherwise flat stomach. His calves had become thicker and strong. His jeans, which had felt slightly loose earlier, now seemed to be getting tighter.

Logan had never been very athletic. His body was lean, but not fit or muscular. That had certainly changed. When he looked at himself, he hardly recognized himself anymore. A huge dick, and a studly body.

Logan shook his head and let the shirt fall again. Whatever was going on, it was not a bad thing, was it?

"Alright, so I'm a buff top with a big cock. Is there anything else?" he smiled as he wrote that.

"Actually, there is one further requirement, but given your cooperation so far I don't believe it will be much of a problem either." Kevin replied, in his professional tone again.

"And what would that be?" Logan was intrigued.

"The company is especially looking for a, and I cite, 'huge, dominant Black top with large dick. Intellectual capabilities are not required'. Are you feeling up to that task? ;-)"

This time, Logan immediately raised his shirt to watch his body change. As soon as he read the words, his skin began darkening, first a golden bronze and then a rich black. It was a gradual change but happened very quickly. His muscles became even more defined, and his body hair thickened and grew even darker.

He didn't know what 'intellectual capabilities' meant, but as his body grew larger and thicker, he felt a strange fog entering his mind. It was a little unsettling at first, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. His usual thoughts quickly became overshadowed by his raising libido. As he grabbed his huge, Black throbbing cock, a dominant smirk crept on his mouth.

He turned his attention back to the computer and typed:

"Yeah, baby. I think I can make that happen. Just tell me who to fuck and I'll be there!"

He saw Kevin reply with a street address and a date and time, but Logan decided he would read that later. Now, his cock demanded his entire attention. He absentmindedly noticed his webcam turning on but paid it little attention. If Kevin wanted to watch him jerk his fat cock, he was very welcome to. After all, he just helped him find the job of his life!

That's certainly a way to beat recession! Also check out this blog!

[bonivers]

i hate you linkedin i want 2 b linkedout

[pointsincase]

Three languages. Damn. I can’t even get anybody to endorse me for my skill in English. Well I’m thinking about endorsing you for your skill in being fine as hell. Maybe you could return the favor and endorse me for my skill in English? I see you’ve got some glowing recommendations too, including from your coworker Shannon. She single? Not asking for me! It’s for my boy Bronco. Maybe we could set up a double date? I’ll have him drop her a DM on LinkedIn. I see that one of your interests is working out at the gym. You know, I’m a pretty big gym rat myself. That’s because I work at a gym called “Gym Rats.” I wear a giant rat costume and Bronco dresses up like a big cheese. I chase him all over the gym while people are working out. Amazing gig. I’m thinking maybe we exchange a few… professional headshots? And when I say professional headshots, I do mean that I’ll take a picture of my dong wearing a little tie and bowler hat. But not on the app. I can’t get banned for sending dong pics again. Then I'd have to make a new email, new account, get a new free trial, you know how it is. Ban me once, shame on you. Ban me 13 times? Shame on me. — Link in bio to full connection Article by @philgillen #linkedintips #linkedout #professionalnetwork #personalnetwork #slideintomydms #verydirectmessage #slipnslide https://www.instagram.com/p/CaQNtLvplDT/?utm_medium=tumblr

[firewolffinance]

LinkedOut – TechCrunch

Hello and welcome back to Equity, TechCrunch’s venture capital-focused podcast where we unpack the numbers behind the headlines. Or, as in today’s episode, talk our way through some big breaking news from the technology world so that we can better understand just what is going on. Danny and Alex got together late Friday on a Twitter Space to discuss Microsoft’s decision to pull LinkedIn from the…

[club-ngad]

Merci à Claire Duizabo du Réseau Entourage (en direct du Vendée Globe) et membre du Club NG’Ad d’avoir participé! GO GO GO #LinkedOut !

[45percenterthen]

guys what if i just roam about for years and years like a little beastie. what if i was linkedout actually

[teaxch]

Add me on LinkedOut, the website for networking with people who can only harm your career.

[stormneedle]

Some silly official up the line agreed to free courses from Microsoft on LinkedIn. They want a limited number of IT folks to sign up, take courses, and provide reviews. So now, I’m getting spammed from the website every day.

I added the domain to the “black” list in the email filter. I’ll take it out ... actually, no, I never will. I’ve got a personal account on LinkedOut that I abandoned about the same time I abandoned Farcebook. 

I don’t want social media folks knowing my name and pretending they know me - I get enough of that overly friendly crap in stores I have to go to where management thinks it “engages the customer in the brand” or whatever gobbledygook they use.

I’m an introvert. And I shouldn’t have to pretend I’m not.

[classeiej1a1]

Historic week for women's golf!

This week Diego Maradona is feeling better, and women's golf is growing! A look back at this week's sporting events.

By Tom LEGRAND.

We start with football and the international matches of the week. England mastered its subject well against Ireland by winning 3 - 0 at Wembley, as did Portugal who crushed Andorra 7 - 0 with two late goals from Cristiano Ronaldo and Joao Félix. A team from Portugal that is recovering well before facing France, beaten 0 - 2 by Finland, in Lisbon on Saturday 14th November.

Let us stay in football but that of the 80's with Diego Maradona who has just left the Olivos hospital near Buenos Aires. The former Ballon d'Or winner had been admitted in emergency for a hematoma on his head. Dr. Leopoldo Luque said on Tuesday that he could go home, after 8 days in hospital.

Let us change sports and go to the Middle East where Saudi Arabia has organised for the first time two golf tournaments reserved for women. These tournaments are currently taking place near Jeddah. It is a week that will mark the history of women's golf, as the organizers have announced their intention to develop the practice in the country, thanks to free lessons and a year's registration in one of the three clubs in the country offered to the first 1000 registered. So, hurry up!

We finish this tour of the sports of the week by boat. The Vendée Globe started on Sunday and this Friday it was the British Alex Thomson (Hugo Boss) who took the lead, ahead of the French jean Le Cam (Yes We Cam) and Thomas Ruyant (LinkedOut). However, the positions might change in the next few hours due to the weather conditions, since the participants will have to face the tropical storm Theta, whose winds sometimes exceed 90 km/h. The rankings are likely to be upset in the next few hours so stay tuned!

[linkedoutpremium]

Paul Kuhne

Paul Kuhne brings a decade of experience in venturing down distracting and useless internet rabbit holes. From sharing mildly funny Onion articles around the office to investigating the Ewok-lineage of a fluffy dog, he’s spearheaded strategic failures in a variety of organizations. His key accomplishments include:

Using PowerPoint to photoshop gold jewelry, squirrels, and other professional touches on headshots

Making grainy GIFs based off of his Policy Bros video, a satirical and mildly comical look at public policy schools

Creating customized MadLibs for stupid emails he receives

Founding the award-winning innovations in plastic receptacles site “momstrashbags.tumblr.com”

Using the “instant rap airhorn” noise repeatedly during inappropriate situations

Deploying complicated jargon, verbose sentence structure, and extraneous vocabulary in inane circumstances

Laughing out loud at WhatsApp conversations during graduate-level classes on poverty, migration, and conflict

Core Incompetencies:

Tumblr Blogs

Sharing Tumblr Blogs

Editing Tumblr Blogs

Chicken Tikka Masala

For booking and disappointing consultations, please email Paul at his defunct Yahoo address theman53187@yahoo.com. Or reach out to him at his AIM Screenname NYFro5.

[officialkrubs]

gonna start a social media called LinkedOut for slackers and burnouts

[reallibertymedia]

Redneck Dentist - 2021-07-10 - Episode 21 - Covid Revelations, Chimera, LinkedOut

[morgandjou432]

LinkedIn vs. LinkedOut pt. 2

I have made it to the LinkedIn part of this post! A few weeks ago, I posted about how I considered myself “LinkedOut” and how I wasn’t sure how to navigate around the app or what to post.

Now, a little over a month later, I get on LinkedIn multiple times a day. I post a couple times a week, and I am getting reactions and comments on almost all of my posts. It’s so exciting!

I began posting all of my stories I do for News-Press NOW, as well as my favorite Griffon News stories I write. I’ll usually get a comment here and there from someone who thinks I did well on the story.

On top of this, I posted my first personal post on the app this week. I had received a couple awards through Missouri Western, including senior scholar athlete of the year and first place for a yearbook story. I don’t like to brag too much on social media, but I figured LinkedIn was a good place where I could show my accomplishments because they’re something I would want employers to know.

In the post, I talked about how graduation has started to set in and how I’m thankful for all of the opportunities Missouri Western has given me. I mentioned the awards I’d won and I posted pictures of me holding those awards.

This post has gotten by far the most interaction out of any of my story posts. I received 18 interactions, with some being claps, some thumbs up and some hearts. The post got two comments congratulating me on my accomplishments. 

I think that this was a perfect post for LinkedIn because it connected my personal life and my education. People like to see personal tidbits, and that really showed with how well-received this post was with my followers.

Now, my next goal is to continue working towards the Rule of Three, where I post my own work, share others’ work and post personal tidbits. I have been pretty solid about sharing my personal work, but this was my first personal post and I am yet to share others’ work. 

I have started trying to connect with more people I know on the app, so hopefully soon I can begin to find work that I like and react or repost it. But I just felt very proud of how far my LinkedIn activity has come over the last month, and wanted to give an update to say that I am officially LinkedIN!