#linkedinese

[telomeke]

LINKEDINESE

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I speak fluent Linkedinese: 🤣

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ORIGINAL Sometimes when you seek out new challenges, you find yourself in the most unexpected situations but meet some of the most extraordinary people.

TRANSLATION When I changed jobs, I wasn't prepared for the level of assholery and backstabbing from the two-faced bastards at my new place of work.

ORIGINAL I joined Company A as a call to a challenge to help build and lead a business through its global strategy.

TRANSLATION You bastards didn't keep your word about what you wanted me to do.

ORIGINAL I am immensely proud of my team, their achievements and what we have managed to achieve in less than 2 years.

TRANSLATION That's almost two years of my life wasted!

ORIGINAL I have enjoyed the joint partnership with fellow directors Belinda V and David R and the Management Team in leading Company A through some difficult times.

TRANSLATION Read: whatever, they stiffed me as much as the rest of them.

ORIGINAL Most importantly, thank you to my Leadership team Melissa B, Mitchell B, Matthew M, Craig S, Maha M, Mitch M, Catherine L, for standing alongside me through the good times and the many challenges, and the many Company A people and clients who have been part of this journey with whom I hope I have made a positive impact, and who constantly remind me why I do what I do.

TRANSLATION Read between the lines. Those who stood by me, you know who you are. Those who didn't, you know who you are too. And those I haven't mentioned by name, you ASSHOLES.

ORIGINAL It is now time for me to take pause and reflect on the journey thus far, before embarking on the next phase, whatever that may be.

TRANSLATION You bastards asked me to join you and then let me go after less than two years. I don't know what I'm going to be doing now at this stage of my career. My inbox is open for any offers. 👿

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Not my own, but adapted from an actual LinkedIn post. Names redacted to protect the innocent (and the guilty). 🤣

[wyomink]

asked me in demotic linkedinese