#limited time opportunity
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#affluence#credit and equity-linked Note#financial goals#financial prosperity#financial security#global investment opportunities#guaranteed insurability#international markets#investment-linked life insurance#limited time opportunity#Philippines#press release#Richard S. Lim#Sun Grepa Peso Asset Builder#Sun Life Grepa#Sun Life Grepa Financial#tailored financial solutions#wealth accumulation
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Artober day 3: Kiss
#minakushi#minato namikaze#namikaze minato#uzumaki kushina#artober 2024#artober#inktober 2024#inktober#kushina uzumaki#kakashi hatake#hatake kakashi#koko draws#artists on tumblr#decided artober was a good opportunity to finish doodles and sketches I had around#didn't turn out as good as I hoped but my time is limited this month alkjfklaj
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#and on and on and on it goes#h5n1#bird flu#twt#farm workers have been showing symptoms and trying to reach out for help/testing for months and have been ignored so#there's definitely more cases than have been officially detected/confirmed#constant talk about how beneficial getting them ppe (esp respirators) would be in curbing infection/spread and 0 action#we're watching in real time how h5n1 is slowly but surely being given every opportunity to become effectively transmissible between humans#and i'm guessing we're going w/ the covid approach intro'ed by dtrump and enthusiastically adopted by biden and co of keeping numbers low#by limiting the amount of testing done as much as possible#bc of course what's on paper is a more accurate reflection of reality than reality itself no?#🙄
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Pros of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks: Drake’s dead now
Cons of “apology dinner” at the Hemmicks:
everything else
#using my love of and ability to draw decent sheets and bedding for ✨evil✨#at time of drafting:#I have mentally and emotionally drained myself this fine Sunday#👍#unfortunately for all of us I was reading through the updates over on otdiaftg#kept getting punched in the gut#and saw an opportunity to test my limits with drawing emotion#so anyway#if you guys know of any fandom-specific tags I should add lmk#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#aaron minyard#drake spear#blood#I guess it’s b&w/graphite but just to be safe
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Viktuuri week day 3: Home
#i had no time for this#and then my hand said no#and i was generally not having fun#but its done and im gonna go make it better at the first given opportunity but its done#okay ill stop being so negative#i do like what i was able to make in the limited time#but oh boy are there things i want to change#OKAY POSITIVITY AROM#im very happy with the shadows on yuuris right leg#OH and yes this is the sequel to that sofa piece i did a while ago not and yes the colours are the same because i cant help it#i love connecting pieces and you will all be forced to live in this realm with me#INTERCONNECTIVITY FTW WOO#this is also the first viktuuri week piece that actually contains both viktor and yuuri so yay i fulfilled the first rule of the event!#three days in!...#yuri on ice#yoi#yuri on ice fanart#yoi fanart#fanart#art#arom antix art#arom antix#kastuki yuuri#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri
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Learning about trains and stuff
#dogblr#rory borealis#public transit is a limited time social opportunity because she wont fit in the baby cage for long#shes already gigantic 😂#and dogs have to be in a carrier on our public transit#today was just chilling at the train station#but maybe on the weekend we will take a train for funsies#eta (this was in the queue): we took the train!
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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I think it's so funny when Christian flat out reject the concept of being intersex like oh so me and about 2% of the population aren't real but you expect me to believe homeboy's gonna come back after (holy) ghosting us for over 2000 years?
#I plan on coming out to my dad as trans this weekend#And thought about the time I explained what intersex is to my uncle#and how he flat out refused to except it as a real thing#which is fuckin wild#male and female should be used as adjectives not nouns#cause there's so many factors that contribute to biological sex that it'd be easier to say every person is their own sex#but yea i'm medically considered intersex cause of my flavor of PCOS#and other issues#it's just so wild cause you'd think that would be a great 'miracle' for them to brag about#'Look at science say there's female and male but Jesus says in Galatians there is no male and female because we are all one in Christ.'#Like the opportunity was literally right there#oh well#florida gov ronald desantis if ur reading this you know what would be so fuckin funny for you to say right now?#also I'll be back on the book soon I've been Working. got 38.5 hours the past 2 weeks tho let's gooo (limit is 40 as a pt student)#[pt working and full time student not pt student]#bro fundie christians' obsession with sex/genitalia in general is fuckin wild#ex christian#religious trauma
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I think I'm gonna try learning how to drive again, but I'm very anxious about it
#my dad is an excellent driver but he hates driving bc he thinks everyone else on the road is an idiot asshole#my mom is a very anxious driver and didnt learn until she was in her thirties#i want to try to get my license before i turn 30#bc not having a license has been severely limiting my life#i had my learners permit three years ago and i was like. im gonna learn. but then i drove on the actual road before i felt ready#and never drove again after that lol#and idk i work a $14/hr job bc i dont have any other opportunities within walking distance of my home#and if i want to go down a different career path ill need to drive - both to expand job opportunities and as part of the job requirements#and. ugh i wish i lived somewhere with public transportation so i wouldnt have to drive#but i dont and i think im stuck here for the foreseeable future. so i just gotta start learning again and this time stick with it
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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Lately I'm hearing a lot about PDA and autism (PDA = pathological demand avoidance) and it's very good that people become more aware of it and are able to learn more about their own needs. However i often see it framed as like a type of autism, as in PDA autism that's just this thing that happens randomly.
But it isn't just a flavour of autism or something that comes from who-knows-what, it's a trauma response. To having forced yourself to do so much shit that goes against your needs, to feeling like you have to/having to force yourself to do things that go over your capacity, that disregard your needs and do harm to you. Including things where people don't even know their own needs and can't communicate them.
It's a trauma response caused by a lack of autonomy and accommodations (from yourself for whatever reason and your environment). To the point where having to do anything, hearing any demand causes this message of doom to your nervous system
And there is a very simple but not easy solution to it, with the potential of even a cure: Do not force yourself to do anything until your nervous system has healed. Now this is very hard to be able to do, which is the difficult part, because most of us aren't in an environment where we can do that, often have to work etc to survive and don't have people support us for a few years while we do not acquiesce to any demand. Additionally, many of us don't even know how to honor our needs because we trampled all over them for years, were forced to mask them and might not even know what they are or how to recognise them in ourselves.
A possible way to at least some healing of our nervous system is getting to know our needs and working on meeting them better, to try and build down the mask and only conciously use it where necessary but for example not at home or in a safe space, and try to have as many safe spaces to unmask as possible. You might only be able to start while completely alone but even that helps. Another point is decomposition time, soup time as i call it. Where we take however much time we have available, preferably at least a couple days, whenever we can, and do not force ourselves to do anything, even hobbies or getting out of pyjamas, except staying alive, and just drift like driftwood. This also massively helps with autistic burnout.
One additional tipp to recognising our suppressed needs and wants is that when you think "Oh i want this" but immediately shut yourself down: try to recognise this happening and ask yourself "Why can't i do this?" and if you don't have a good reason why not, try doing the thing you want. Might be something as simple as a juice packet or be some leftover rule from childhood. Similar for "I don't look forward to that": if you don't have a reason why you have to do it, and do it exactly this way, consider not doing it. For example you don't have to go to an outing you are very uncomfortable at. You don't have to do the dishes a certain way even tho it's awful sensory wise. Try finding those small impulses and listening to them. It gets easier over time.
This PDA trauma response is also one of the factors of executive dysfunction. Especially for things like when we can't even do our own hobbies or plans we had that we enjoy. Other reasons for executive dysfunction are difficulty transition tasks, sensory issues that make us avoid a task, pending decisions related to the tasks, unknown elements of a task, or not wanting to interrupt the current activity such as listening to music or watching a show (especially since these are big tools for escapism and distraction/coping to keep emotional distress at bay or otherwise aid in emotional regulation).
Btw this whole essay is built on my own experiences, i am not a psychologist or professionally qualified in some other way. So do take this with some critical thinking as my sources are "it's in my head" and we should never take (mental) health advice on the internet without thinking about whether it makes sense and applies to us, and do additional research if any questions or doubts or further thoughts come up.
#own post#if i need to go to the toilet or get a glass of water but i don't want to do it if i have to stop my show then i will just take it with me#even if i watch it on the laptop and not my phone i will just haul the laptop to the bathroom for two minutes#can highly recommend#i have had this issue with forcing myself to do things made so much more poignant because i also became physically disabled but would force#myslef to push through it and hide it from ny surroundings as well. it made me quickly realise my limits tho#and i had the opportunity to not fulfill many demands thanks to my parents and the free time of semester breaks#and unmasking at about the same time#so this whole post speaks from personal experience
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feeling aimless in the midst of worrying and dealing with the concept of mortality up close
#it’s been…a week that’s for sure#a really sad and anxious one at that#and I’m not sure how to deal with the upcoming month and year to be frank#click clack#I wish I had a form of easy escapism but I also dont want to get lost in it forgetting to really engage with the present#time is so limited so short#looking back at what used to be normal and now getting used to the current reality#I’ll talk about it in more detail eventually but I had to get this out of my system like this#find every opportunity to cherish those you love around you
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but none of the rage in our eyes
#seems to finish it off where it lies#GOD JOHN#go off king#fault lines#all hail west texas#the mountain goats#tmg posting#tmg lyrics#tmg fan art#mountain goats posting#im going to say i am embracing the stylistic opportunities that the time limit provides me#rather than saying this is one of the shittier doodles lol#artists on tumblr#the mountain goats fan art#doodles#im sorry john#AND THE DEATHLESS LOVE we swore to protect with our bodies is stuMBLING ACROSS ITS BLEAK ENDING BUT#personal fave#obvi#Spotify
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no okay but in the last few weeks i’ve met/learned about three different lovely couples happily married for >30 years and the secret for all of them was not meeting/getting married until their 30s when they both already had their individual lives figured out… THAT’S the validation that i’m onto something that i needed
#i’m literally SO busy that i couldn’t POSSIBLY date rn#but also like… i don’t even really WANT to??#i’m not ready for serious partnership yet and i don’t want to waste my time with anything else#because i can’t do casual - i’ve tried and i can’t#i’d rather get my life to a place where i’m happy with it and find somebody who fits with THAT version of me#i do not want to be tied down or limited when i’m young and need to be open to every opportunity#i want something mature when i’m older that will work long term#ALL THE RESPECT to the high school sweethearts out there who have made it work#but that could NOT be me#high school me was uh… NOT someone whose relationship instincts i trust#and most folks at my high school were also pretty immature so i can definitely do better lol
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my method of "getting better" has just been Do Everything Possible and latch onto whatever gives you any sense of purpose and/or joy. and i guess it's been working because i am definitely not in quite the same place that i was a few yrs ago
#like i have tried so many things#any opportunity for trying a thing that is supposed to be helpful is met with ''yeah sure why not''#counselors love me for it LMFAO#''its impressive that you're willing to try these things :)'' girl if i dont then I'll kill myself. it's not gonna hurt me to try#if it goes badly then i have a breakdown and maybe hurt myself but then i immediately move onto the next thing#and i can always draw shitty art. thats always there for me. i can rotate my OCs in my brain. i can watch a show or listen to a podcast#those are always available if nothing else works out#and maybe it helps that i have a deadline of ''if life is still intolerable by x time then you can kill urself'' dhfjdkl#operating by that makes me want to put in more effort bc theres a time limit#also doing all these things has given me a sense of identity outside of having irl ppl around me#i couldnt control that for a long time (very very very lucky to have joined the old lady group recently) so i had to make do#and it is hard and it is scary and it is very often nearly unbearably lonely. but when u throw urself headfirst into ur own stuff#then u don't focus so much on the Aloneness of it all. and also u get to post abt ur hobbies and stuff and make friends online that way#idk !!! it is a hard spot to pull urself out of but taking a single step at a time is incredibly helpful#trying things and doing things and keeping on trucking gets u thru it one way or another#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention
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genuinely wish my neighbors would get their front yard fenced.
#they have a dubiously effective electric fence for the dog#but their young children go running into the street at every opportunity and the live near a blind spot on our road#and its not like the speed limit is low. it makes me so nervous#half the time they're running out wanting to pet OUR dogs as we walk by and we always politely say no but they still run out to like chase#and is it pleasant on a nice day hearing the adults responsible just yell at toddlers to not go into the road#instead of making an actual safety decision on the matter#no it is not#for context i will impress this is a rural dirt backroad#where the speed limit is 35 MPH and people speed when the conditions are good as they are now#to the point I get nervous for MYSELF at certain individuals
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