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rebo-chan · 2 months

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Hello, everyone. To today's episode of Tumblr user Rebo-chan loses her mind and assigns each and every Vongola guardian a flower that I have painstakingly searched high and low for (I wish I was being dramatic, I got too invested in this as I worked on it). Is this done in a state of mania? Perhaps, but I am diseased by COVID-19 as we speak and this is what I will do with the time I am meant to be resting with. Nonetheless we must get started. Content under the cut, because I can NEVER make a short post. It's against my core beliefs clearly.

Sawada Tsunayoshi:

The European Orange Lily (Lilium bulbiferum)

My reasoning for this starts with the fact that the "lily" itself has a lot of different meanings, but the important aspect of the lily is that its considered the spring flower and represents often meanings of renewal and rebirth. The very messaging for our sweet boy, a life restarted after he meets his mentor. An orange lily specifically has meanings dipped into warmth, joy, passion (In regards to his devotion to those he loves), 'welcoming' to new opportunities in your life (lol), and most importantly - confidence and pride. Something that he grows to be over the course of his renewal, pride in his friends. Confidence in his strength to protect them. KHR is a story about a nobody becoming somebody strong enough to protect them, even and especially when they falter themselves. It should also be noted that in Hanakotoba (Japanese flower language), orange lilies represent 'revenge and hatred'. Which I think is a factor of Tsuna we can't ignore, as sweet as he is, TYL Tsuna's actions become darker the more you think about them. Tsuna can and has killed when a villain has overstepped too far, and never forget that he just wanted to know "who" Yamamoto's attacker was. For no reason, just to look at him, maybe shake his hand lol. Fr though, that boy's made of fire, both to keep his loved ones warm and to burn their enemies. I think the orange lily fits him nicely.

Also yes, I'll do my best to color-code these flowers~

Gokudera Hayato:

A Red Fressia

So, its quite hard actually to find any sort of 'red' flowers that aren't about some sort of romantic-esque devotion. Just being a red flower inherently puts you in that category of 'passion, love, marriage' meanings when it comes to flowers. It's a real struggle, but luckily he's our only red character amongst the Vongola kids. Okay, so the Freesia is represented by the concept of friendship and ultimate trust. I think it was easier for me to find a flower that represents devotion or duty and tack it on to Gokudera, but I think that's just looking at him on the surface. The story behind the freesia is that the botanist who found them in South Africa decided to name it after his friend as a symbol of their friendship. Very lovely :)<3 For all of Gokudera's dutiful affection for Tsuna, a lot of it is based on the fact that Tsuna was his first friend and the person who he trusted first. His eventual character growth and bonding with the other guardians came as he allowed himself to trust them, when he realized that his 'duty' that he believed to be absolute was above his bonds. Rather, it's his bonds that strengthen his resolve to be the perfect right hand man. Due to the intense representation of friendship and trust, freesias are given to a loved one to represent commitment to them, not unlike Gokudera's commitment to Tsuna and therefore the Vongola family unit. It should also be noted that in Hanakotoba, freesias also have a negative meaning which is childishness and immaturity which I do feel is something that Gokudera has to work through in order to become the best version of himself and has done quite well at by the end of the series. He's our little friendship blossom :)<3 Yamamoto Takeshi: Himalayan Blue Poppy

Let me start this by complaining that 'blue' flowers are so fucking rare, it took me forever to find something matched and was also color-coded with Yamamoto, that didn't dip into too indigo, because of the rarity of a nicely blue flower. To start, blue as a color has all those lovely Yamamoto vibes of being calming, easy on the mind, tranquility, all that beautiful stuff we know Yamamoto to be. (It's almost like Amano color-coded her characters guys..) Poppies themselves got a bit of cultural significance in the West, being the flowers given to WW1 soldiers after they'd passed as a way of remembrance. They're also known for growing in desolate war-torn areas, just a patch of poppies as well as having many soldiers buried with a poppy with them in honor. With that the poppy itself has themes of death, honor, lessons, tradition and remembrance. With Yamamoto’s connection to the Poppy flower, Yamamoto himself is..pretty death-coded. HEAR ME OUT. HEAR !! ME OUT!!!! Varia arc, Squalo ‘dies’ against Yamamoto. Future arc, Tsuyoshi is killed for Yamamoto being involved with the Vongola, Shimon with Yamamoto himself getting nearly killed and then that big moment where he offers to kill Daemon in retaliation for what was done to Kaoru. While not canon as well, the primo fillers are about Yamamoto dealing with the fact he DIDNT kill daisy and how he felt he had to be less easy-natured and actually go for the kills from now on. And of course, his attempt during daily life when he could not do what he loved anymore. He’s VERY death-coded y’all. But the poppy itself isn’t just some omen of death, but the lessons one can gather from those who have passed. Yamamoto’s own battle style is about taking the lessons of those before him who carried Shigure Soen Ryu and then growing upon that to carve a new and improved future for himself and those he cares about. He adapts to their lessons, what Squalo and Tsuyoshi have to teach him. On the fly, continuing the Shigure legacy and creating more moves to eventually pass on to the one that succeeds him. In general, he carries any lessons he has up until the end of the series and tries to never make the same mistake again. Whether that’s his lessons against the Mists he’s battled, his loss against Squalo for not having a proper sword style, and though he doesn’t get a chance against Gamma again, he’s always understood the importance of teamwork. That being said, he’s not just a poppy. He’s a Himalayan Blue Poppy. You see the himalayan blue poppy has a different meaning outside that of the ones that the other poppies do. With its rarity, it also represents success, potential, pursuit of dreams, and possibility. Yamamoto is the Vongola family’s prodigy, a natural born hitman, the star baseball player on his team. Stuck at a crossroads between his dream and being able to be in a position to protect the ones he loves. An impossibly difficult choice to make, yet Yamamoto handles it with ease. He just won’t choose! He’ll do both! Which fights very nicely with the Hanakatoba meaning of the poppy. “Fun-loving” “A reminder to remember happiness.” Along with general blue color meanings of tranquility, that is Yamamoto to his core, I believe. When things get their worst, he is there to remind everyone that it is never as bad as it feels. To wash away the blood spilled, that is the role of the Vongola Rain Guardian. His crossroad isn’t an issue to him, because that’s not what he fights for! He fights to make things easier for everyone, so they may remember happiness. That sort of thing doesn’t exactly need him to make a choice on his path. Now, does it? If he’s forced to choose, he will just carve out new possibilities for himself and the ones that he loves with the lessons he’s learnt.

Lambo Bovino: Green Envy Zinnia

Contrary to the title, the green envy zinnia has nothing to do with envy. Quite the opposite, actually. The zinnia itself represents endurance (HEAR. ME. OUT LOL), lasting affection, joy, and various other things. So, the zinnia is super fucking tough, again hear me OUTTTT. They bloom all the way from springtime to autumn, something pretty unheard of from flowers which gave them their meaning. A green envy Zinnia specifically represents growth or a journey. Wishes of a healthy and successful growth. And I believe that is the hope for Lambo, as he progresses through the series. He is quite literally a child, both himself and TYL. But that’s just the thing for him, to the one that chose the guardians (Iemitsu, it’s very implied that it was Iemitsu), Lambo is an INVESTMENT. And a correct one if twenty years old Lambo was anything to go by. Not only that, the zinnia represents a joyous endurance. This doesn’t have to be painful for him, and it’s not as he’s allowed to both be a kid in Tsuna’s care while also holding on tight when told to stay out of the fight. (“You have to take the younger me wherever you go, he wants to go with you.”). And as a bit of an angsty little hehe on my part, the zinnia also represents missing those who have passed, that you remember someone and love them even now that they’re not with you. (“Seeing you all again, I thought the day would never happen. It’s making me emotional.”) Honestly, judging by how Lambo fights when he gets the opportunity to properly do it, he just isn’t weak. Destroying Kikyo’s box animal, fighting against Ooyama, and of course against Levi too. In Hanakotoba, the Zinnia represents loyalty. He is their youngest blossom, enjoying being around the one he considers a brother with hidden potentials to grow into someone with the ability to be Vongola’s shield. If the ones he loves ever make it to see that sight, of course.

Ryohei Sasagawa: Yarrow (Achillea millefolium)

Okay, so the yarrow is first of all a funky flower. If you’ve never seen OTHER colors of the yarrow flower, I implore you to google it. Especially the red ones? Why are you so pretty? Lucky enough for this flower (and me I’m starting to lose my mind here, this was a much bigger task than I thought it would be) the different colors don’t change the meaning of the flower here which is neat. It also unfortunately has no hanakotoba meaning either. So, anyway. The yarrow. It represents a warrior’s bravery, protection, and healing. The healing comes from the fact that its a commonly used herb for bruises, cuts, and sprains. There’s also huge folklore around it which affects its scientific name, as Achilles used yarrow to take care of the men he was in charge of. This flower was also used as a ward against evil, where people would hang this outside of their homes in order to protect them from evil getting inside. A superstition developed around this leading to Yarrow to be named the devil’s nettle to refer to the belief that the devil would come around and shake the yarrow that people hung up due to wanting to curse them. This flower also represents strong everlasting love, to the point where a little tradition propped up where people would shove this flower up their nostrils whenever they had a nosebleed so if they dreamt about their crush it meant that they liked them back lol. Yall there was so much rich lore on this flower, it’s super neat. More than I could fit in here. Anyway, I’m sure yall see the connection with Ryohei acting as the group older brother, being the motivating factor for them. He was the first to go up during Varia arc and set the tone for the rest of the battles, that the Vongola would win. Last to show up during future, representing that all of them had finally been reunited. A draw against Aoba, again the very first battle, almost symbolizing HOW shimon would end. He’s the strength in their arms, acting as the last person to leave in future arc until they were ready to go. Taught them and helped lead them to make decisions during that arc. It’s almost his duty to protect the younger ones, even getting up on Hibari’s case in the fillers for not helping out his younger classmen. We can’t even dismiss the way he would prefer to shield Kyoko from everything that they go through, and getting aggressive with Tsuna when Tsuna broke something he thought both of them saw eye to eye on. Not much rattles him, honestly if you pay attention to his scenes, only getting the most nervous and agitated TRULY when he fears he won’t be able to protect someone (Asking Tsuna how Kyoko reacted to the news, Tozaru getting on his case about Lambo coming to the battle) Otherwise, he’s his happy loud confident self ready to tackle on anything for the sake of the family. Destroying the misfortune that attacks the family with their own body, the yarrow represents that duty well. For every bruise the younger one gets, Ryohei has the ability to heal it. For every fear, Ryohei tackles it first. Acting as a ward and protector for his family. Hibari Kyoya

Clematis (Etoile Violette)

Clematis is a climbing flower, to start with. One of those flowers that grow along walls and vines. It’s a very adaptable flower, able to work with various environments and thrive amongst them. They’re known as the traveler’s joy, meant to wish travelers good luck and act as protection to those who pass by them. While also having a more negative reputation, having “killed” other plants by outcompeting them considered having done the devil’s work. (The plant is actually considered invasive aha oops) The clematis though, itself represents mental fortitude, cleverness, and the ability to find hope in perilous situations. Hibari himself, I mean just that back and forth reputation is just him, no? Acting as Namimori’s protector, keeping a watchful eye on the town while also being utterly terrifying for Namimori students and almost overwhelming to those competing with him. (Dino will only find escape from Hibari in death, Mukuro is the same) But, he is also undoubtedly Vongola’s wall. Similar to Ryohei, not once throughout the series really and truly faltering. The clematis itself with its representation in mental fortitude can be given to someone when they need mental strength. I think the best way to represent this is directing you to that moment in Shimon arc when Tsuna, while not physical beaten, had been mentally tormented by everything that had happened and Hibari came to his battle to Adel. A simple, but strong “Little animal, your face right now is dull. Watch my fight.” It’s in that fight Tsuna gets his mental strength back, being given a hint to answer the question he’s been stressing and faltering over. Then there’s future arc, having been the only one TYL Tsuna trusted with the plan. Kokuyo Arc, Gokudera seeing an already defeated Hibari and taking him to the battle. Varia arc, the gang realizing that if Hibari is fighting next then they may have already won it and refusing to succumb to the poison in the sky battle. Rainbow arc, Tsuna considering them in that list of people he “just expects to help him.” He has the ability to be their hope, to be another factor of their strength. Where Ryohei is holding them up on the physical aspect, Hibari is absolutely their mental strength. (Isn’t it charming that the two eldest are the pillars of their group? I think it is). Also, in Hanakotoba, the clematis represents moral beauty and order. And that’s just the kinda man who could run something like the discipline committee, isn’t? The special thing, finally is that the etoile violette represents a sense of freedom from troubles. A free man, unchained himself and choosing to help those younger than him. Sometimes for the thrill of a battle, sometimes to actually help them with the reputation of a devil. Unpredictable, but still trusted. It’s the sky that allows the clouds to roam freely, but even someday that sky will be beaten to death.

Chrome Dokuro

Lupine (Blue Bonnet)

The Lupine flower is before anything else, a second chance at life. A recovery from one’s trauma and the admiration that comes from that. Its gratitude and kindness put into one. There’s a legend around the lupine flower about a land full of drought where Native Americans had believed would be saved by selflessness and yet no one had come forward to do anything, until a young girl came forward and offered the last of her possessions. The rain came to fall at her sacrifice, and hundreds of lupines had blossomed from the ground saving the tribe from drought and hunger as the seeds of the Lupine could be harvested to be eaten. The Lupine represents that the world will always give back if you are willing to help. Chrome, from her introduction, is told to be a girl who has nothing. With two parents who want nothing to do with her and no friends by her side. She runs forward to save a kitten and is gravely injured. With neither of her parents willing to help her, Chrome wonders if she is going to die here but is offered a deal by Mukuro. It’s here that Chrome is offered her second chance and she spends the whole series trying to return the favor to Mukuro. All while healing from her own trauma, the type of trauma that “no one could care about her”, as she is offered food and bonds from Tsuna, Kyoko, Haru, I-pin, Bianchi, Hibari, and so many others. It's in her second chance that she gets to experience what life truly had to offer her, as thank you for her continued selflessness. It’s that gratitude that she represents and the never-ending desire to give when she doesn’t accept Mukuro’s assistance anymore with her organs because she can no longer give him anything now that he’s out of Vindice Prison. She resolves that she will become someone who can protect the people she and Mukuro like. Her confidence isn’t perfect and she falters quite a bit, not believing that her powers are as great as those around her. But, that’s okay, because her goodness has brought her to people who have got her back until she can figure herself out. She has Mammon to correct her when her illusions are seen through that they are well made, but she’s just dealing with professionals and that’s why they’re seen through. There’s Tsuna who relies on her blindly, never doubting her strength to protect them as he asks her to act as defense during Shimon arc and protect Enma from his attack. Alongside with Fran, she is trusted to protect Yamamoto and Gokudera in the final battle against Vindice and taken with Tsuna against Jaegar. She has a lot of space to continue growing, but Lupin also represents voracity and happiness in Hanakotoba. She has her second chance to learn all about that, or as Mukuro put it to her, “An ending is merely the beginning of another cycle.”

Rokudo Mukuro

Aconitum (Wolfsbane)

Wolfsbane is also referred to as Monkshood. This is another one with pretty rich lore with its connection to werewolves. It’s referred to as “queens of the poisons” and has a pretty negative message to it on the outside. First of all, this thing’s poison? TOUGH AS HELL. Delirium, frothing at the mouth, vision impairment, and of course the classic coma<3 It’s got an uncanny resemblance to what rabies actually looks like. Fun, right? Okay, fr though onto its meaning. Wolfsbane is an omen that danger is nearby, not unlike the unnerving feeling Tsuna gets whenever he senses Mukuro nearby. Said to have come from Hell itself, the saliva that has dripped down from Cerberus himself. Not unlike our sweet boy. But, being an omen does not always represent something bad. Is he bringing the danger to you, or is he warning you of the true danger that lies past him? It’s a little bit of both. Aconitum represents concealed wisdom and caution in decision-making. But it also DOES represent protection, a proper and true warning of the dangers of the wild. That beauty does not always mean safe. For his twisted sense of vengeance and believing that taking over the world is the only way to destroy it for the sake of what was done to him, he isn’t necessarily wrong for being enraged about what happened to him. Yet, despite his hate, he doesn’t drag those who he cares about further down into it than he has to. He sends Ken and Chikusa away when they are going to get caught, he never uses Chrome for anything besides as a vessel to help her, and he says during Rainbow arc that if he forced Fran to continue past his limits he’d be no better than those nasty adults of his past. Aconitum balances sweetly between light and darkness, similar to Mukuro. He won’t admit it, but he cares for those amongst the Vongola. He infiltrates the Millefiore and sends the Vongola information after Tsuna’s death, he helps Chrome form a barrier around Enma so he could be safe from Tsuna’s X-Burner. And, of course he teams up with Vongola’s team during the rainbow arc. These are undoubtedly kind actions, but when Tsuna gets angry at Mukuro during Rainbow claiming that he didn’t believe that Mukuro was the type to abandon his allies, Mukuro says that that was just his idea of him. Even though it was Chrome ultimately rejecting him, he instead pretended that he really was some big bad heartless person. Definitely, Mukuro is no angel, but also he’s no demon either. He’s.. just a human at the end. The aconitum’s dance with both light and dark, a flower that tries to warn, can be read both good and bad depending on how you look at it. His rejection of his ‘official’ position as part of the Mafia, yet acting as the Vongola Mist Guardian when their goals align. He’s as confusing as the duty he embodies, but he succeeds nonetheless in ensuring the family is untouchable in his deceptions. After all, the best way to fool your enemies is to fool your allies first.

#LET ME JUST SAY #When i first got this idea #I wanted to do all the vongola kid honorable mentions #Kyoko haru and the like #But I quickly realized that would have been insane #so for now heres the Vongola guardians!#It should be noted I can't represent these complex characters 100% accurately with just one flower #I'd need to make bouquets for them to do that #But I did my best!#So here's some character analysis #using flower language!#Or... is this my facade?#Using character analysis to infodump to you guys about flowers...it was a perfect excuse #I hope you guys enjoyed and I am so fucking sorry for long it is again god #I hope you guys enjoy this #lemme know your thoughts #if you agree or disagree #eakngjeh okay as for the real tags #katekyo hitman reborn #khr #sawada tsunayoshi #vongola #gokudera hayato #yamamoto takeshi #lambo bovino #chrome dokuro #hibari kyoya #rokudo mukuro #Ryohei sasagawa

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staytheword · 2 years

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falling rain

falling rain — one shot [ back to general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• bang chan x female reader, other stray kids members are mentioned/featured, as well as other idols (itzy’s yeji, ateez’s san, nmixx's lily).

• non idol au, friends to lovers. angst, fluff, post breakup sadness and melancholia. drinking. explicit language. smut, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex.

• word count: 11k (11,199)

You fell out of love. It happens. All you need is time to piece yourself back together. But as you and your friends meet for a movie night, you don’t expect your ex to be there - yet he is, and it looks like he’s doing much better than you do. Luckily, your friends are there for you - especially Chan.

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior ; @upallnight-s ; @changbinluvr ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan

• story taglist: @tanyas97 ; @hyynee ; @moonlightcandy00 ; @drhsthl ; @flakeisthebest

• author’s note: Here it is! Thank you for your support on the preview, I am so glad you guys liked it and were excited for the full story. I hope you enjoy it! Take care <3

The rain is cold against your skin.

You look up at the sky through your transparent umbrella. Swirls of pale gray cover the horizon, blurred by drops of rain sliding down the plastic material. It was darker earlier - the rain will stop soon.

The bus stops in front of you, its brakes squeaking. You close your umbrella and get on, sitting where you usually do, at the back, next to the window. Placed between your legs, your umbrella is getting your jeans wet, but you don’t care. You close your eyes, letting the music in your ears soothe you. You’ve been taking the same bus route everyday for years, so you know exactly how much time you have before your stop. It’s not like you’re afraid of falling asleep, anyway. You never sleep in transportation, and it’s not like your mind has been able to rest easy recently.

Your playlist transports you through melancholic melodies, pianos and violins lulling your senses. Your favorite songs do not let you forget the ache - they remind you of it, softly, tenderly. That’s what you want, anyway.

You’re not interested in forgetting. You just want to heal.

When you open your eyes, your stop is a minute away. You press the button and get up, ignoring the inevitable looks of the other passengers on the bus. People are always staring. Always judging. Often, you care. These days, not so much. You can’t control them, what they do, what they think. They’ll see the shadows under your eyes, the pale skin, the chapped lips, and they’ll tell yourselves, she isn’t sleeping much. She looks terrible. She must be going through something.

So what if I am, you want to tell them? Aren’t we all?

When you step off the bus, it’s barely raining anymore and you decide not to open your umbrella. You let the rain slide through your hair, against your hands. You’re so cold but you’re used to it. You haven’t been able to warm up in a while. The rain feels good, actually. It makes you aware of your body, of your skin. As you walk towards your apartment building, you tilt your head backwards and let the rain fall down your cheeks like tears.

Daylight has almost vanished when you unlock your apartment door, and you step inside with a sigh. You’ve grown to hate this place so much, but there is nowhere else to go. You should look for another apartment, but moving seems like an insurmountable amount of shit to go through and you just don’t have the energy. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe.

You start by taking a shower, the boiling hot water contrasting with your icy cold skin. You wash your hair, apply lotion. Your movements are slow but you get there eventually. Wrapped in your bathrobe, you open your closet and stare at your clothes. It’s not that you hate them, you just have no idea what to choose. You’re not going someplace fancy, so you end up slipping on a simple pair of jeans and a warm sweater.

You should probably eat something, but your stomach is in a tight knot. There will be food at Yeji’s place, anyway.

As you check your phone and realize you still have some time before you have to leave, you let out a long sigh and sit on your bed. You’re not sure you really want to go, but your friends organized this movie night a while ago and they are excited for it. Yeji’s place is perfect for it - she has a projector, which allows the movies to play as wide as the wall. Everyone has been tasked to bring their favorite snacks and drinks. It’s going to be a chill night, and you’ll be happy to see your friends, but everything feels exhausting.

You promised you were going to be there. So you will go.

It’s not like they will bother you, anyway. They all know you pretty well, although some more than others, but they are all aware of what is going on with you. No secrets to have. Still you don’t want to be a bore, and you know you’ll do your best to smile throughout. It’s not that they want you to - but you’ll still do it. It’s just who you are.

At least he won’t be there. Yeji said he wouldn’t - had plans already, apparently. It would be okay if your ex was there - actually, you’ve seen him a couple of times already since your breakup. But you need to be in the right mindset - and today you aren’t, so it’s good he’ll be absent.

You let out a long sigh and stand up to dry your hair.

You apply simple makeup, a bit of eyeliner, some mascara. You put on your favorite necklace. You decide to wear perfume. Little things to make you feel better, like you aren’t crippled inside, like you don’t have a decaying organ in your chest. It’s recent, that you’re able to do that. A week ago you would’ve showed up in sweatpants and messy hair.

Little steps.

As you grab a tote bag to fill it with the snacks you bought yesterday, you get a text from Yeji.

Everything okay?

Come anytime <3

She’s checking up on you and you’re grateful for it. Not a lot of people do, not even your closest friends. You don’t blame them - you haven’t been good company and sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Some of them have been anxious that your breakup with San will mess up their friend group, and in fear of seeming like they’re taking sides, they just decided not to say anything. They take care of you differently - but sometimes you hate that they can’t talk about it with you.

Yeji doesn’t do that. She’s been there for you at every step - and it’s not because she blames or dislikes San. It’s just different for you and her, because your friendship not only goes way back when your friend group got together, but also way beyond.

Leaving in 5, you text back, and she sends a heart emoji.

Once you’re ready, you slip on your jacket and stare at your reflection in the hallway mirror. You look your normal self, except for the obvious exhaustion on your face, and the slightly vacant look in your eyes.

You can do this.

You won’t let your stupid, broken heart define you or your life.

When you get to Yeji’s, she pulls you into a tight hug. A few people are already there - Jeongin is already snacking on a huge bowl of popcorn, talking to Lily, who’s on her phone scrolling down Pinterest boards. Changbin and his girlfriend, the newest addition to your friend group, are bundled up under a blanket on the couch and wave at you.

You follow Yeji to the kitchen, putting the cans of soda you brought in the fridge, adding your snacks to the pile on the counter.

“You look really pretty,” Yeji tells you with a smile. “Is that the sweater we got together the other day?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m still not sure about the color, though.”

“No, it suits you. I promise.”

You give her a sincere smile as she empties a bag of potato chips in a bowl. It’s quiet in the apartment, but you know it won’t last very long - except for Changbin, the loudest people have yet to arrive.

“How was work today?” Yeji asks.

“Fine,” you shrug. “Boring.”

She gives you a long look.

“You know you don’t have to stay there, right? You can find something else. With your skills it would be easy -”

“I know, Yeji,” you say in a low voice. “But not right now.”

You play with your nail polish, chipping a small piece from your thumb.

“Right now boring is good,” you nod, your voice a little more firm. “When I can focus more, I’ll look for something else. Promise.”

She smiles, taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to waste away where you don’t belong. You’re worth so much more.”

“I appreciate it.”

You put your head on her shoulder for a second as Jeongin’s laugh resonates through the apartment. It’s a sweet and familiar sound, and you start to believe it was a good idea to come.

Grabbing the filled bowls of potato chips, you and Yeji join the others in the living room. You sit down next to Jeongin, who quickly shows you the funny puppy video Lily has shown him, and you giggle at the screen. As Yeji starts to set up the projector, the door opens on a few more of your friends and you know it won’t be quiet anymore.

Chan, Jisung and Minho are yelling about something, raising the volume of the conversation a million dozen decibels, and you shake your head at the sight of them. Chaotic and loud as they are, even in your state you are grateful for them, because whatever the circumstances they can always make you smile, or, at least, provide welcome distractions.

They drop down in the remaining spots, either on the couch or the floor, Minho diving his hand down Jeongin’s popcorn bowl and Jisung arguing with Changbin about the type of beer he bought - of course, as usual, Jisung’s only answer to Changbin’s complaint is a simple traitor.

“THIS AGAIN…” Changbin yells at the top of his lungs.

You can’t help but smile. That game has been going on since Changbin moved out of his apartment with Jisung and Chan to move in with his girlfriend - Minho took his spot since, and there really isn’t any bad blood between them, but Jisung loves to remind Changbin how he abandoned them.

“Hey, Y/N,” Minho says, sitting down between you and Jeongin. You took the spot at the end of the couch, a blanket covering your legs. “How’s it going?”

“I’m okay,” you say with a smile. “What about you?”

“Fantastic. Did you check out that link I sent you?”

You start to talk a little - you and Minho work in a similar domain and it’s always nice to exchange ideas and anecdotes. You find yourself immersed in the conversation, the noise of all your friends chatting and laughing mixing into a background noise you can’t get enough of - it definitely helps the black hole inside your chest. You don’t feel so cold, you don’t feel so empty. You know it won’t last, and reality will catch up to you quickly, but for now you allow yourself to relax.

“Y/N.”

You turn towards Chan, who has stopped at your level. He’s smiling kindly at you, looking a little tired - but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Like you, Chan barely sleeps. Neither of you can stop the ceaseless train of thought in your heads - while you stare at the ceiling, Chan works.

“Hey, Channie.”

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, maybe a soda.”

“Cool, coming right up.”

“Oiiiii, what about me?” Minho whines.

He asks for a can of beer, followed by Lily who has finished her previous one, and soon everyone is yelling at Chan to bring them something to drink. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle.

“Let me help you,” you say, standing up. “Y’all are lazy,” you add, squinting your eyes at your friends.

Their protests all tangle together and you laugh, following Chan to the kitchen.

Your friends.

They are all precious to you, all in their own way.

But Chan. Chan.

The first time you met him you felt your heartbeat accelerate because he looked so damn charming. A kind smile, eyes like stars, and an energy that immediately soothed you. It did not take long for you to develop a crush on him. How could you not? He was kind, funny, talented, and smart. He truly cared for the people in his life and never broke a promise. Handsome, too, of course. The kind of guy that made you weak in the knees, that sent your thoughts reeling whenever he touched you.

Your crush had always been one-sided though, which was fine. You had quickly worked to overcome your physical attraction to him and made it a priority to develop your friendship. Because Chan understood you. You found yourselves exchanging looks and agreeing on similar things often enough so that one day, you sat down next to him during a party to ask for advice and you ended up talking for hours, forgetting to get drunk like everyone else.

You are not particularly close. You don’t know everything about each other. You mostly see each other with the rest of your friend group - rarely alone. You don’t text each other everyday - in fact, you barely do. But he’s a steady presence in your life, a friend you rely on, and you know it’s the same for him.

Tonight, you’re especially grateful for him.

Chan gives you a smile as he opens the fridge.

“I like your sweater,” he says, handing you a pack of sodas.

You put it on the kitchen island, smiling.

“Thank you. I like your earrings. Are they new?”

You’re used to Chan wearing his silver hoops, but today he’s sporting a simple black dot on one ear, a small lightning bolt on the other.

“Yeah, I felt like a change,” he nods. “They say it’s good for us, right?”

“I guess,” you answer simply. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

You exchange smiles, gathering all the desired drinks slowly. You glance at him sometimes, at the angle of his nose, at the dark curls that brush his ears. Your crush on Chan eventually faded away, although never entirely. You have just buried it so deep inside you sometimes you forget it is there - you haven’t thought about it for a long time.

Then again, your heart has been entirely occupied by San.

Heart.

Body.

Soul.

All of which lay in pieces, now.

Chan must see the shadows in your eyes, because he frowns a little, looking intently at you.

“Is something wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to shake the bad thoughts away at the same time.

“No, no, don’t worry.”

Chan gives you a smile and a short nod, although he’s still frowning. He can feel you don’t want to linger on it - you hope he knows it’s not that you don’t trust him. Besides Yeji, Chan is perhaps the friend you trust the most.

You remember every single hug he’s given you.

Always so warm.

Always at the right time.

He probably doesn’t know some of them gave you the strength to hold on. The most recent one, about two weeks ago.

“Can I have another one, please?”

The barman gives you a nod and turns to prepare you another beer.

Besides you, Yeji gives you a long look. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Just one more,” you tell her, lifting an index.

She smiles, throwing an arm around your neck. She keeps a close eye on you - that’s why you feel comfortable to indulge in another drink. You need it, after all. Since your breakup with San, you’ve barely touched alcohol, choosing instead to drown in snacks and utter isolation.

So for your friend, it’s a step forward that you’ve agreed to come tonight.

It’s just you, Yeji, Chan and Jisung. A quiet night at the local pub.

A few beers, a board game.

When you have a new full pint, you and Yeji head back to the table and sit down. All of you decide to play another game, and Jisung starts shuffling the cards, telling you some dumb joke. You know he’s doing that to make you feel better, and it works. You find yourself smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little.

You place your head on his shoulder, affectionately, and cross Chan’s gaze. He’s smiling, too, fondly.

Your friends are talking and your heart hurts so fucking much.

You miss San. You’ve fallen out of love a long time ago, you now realize, but it’s still painful. You have to start over. You have to find yourself again. It’ll be long work - but you’ll do it. And as you look at your friends, you think to yourself they will make it easier. You’ve been drinking a little, and the emotion swells in your chest.

“Y/N, don’t cry!” Yeji cries out, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

You have not even realized you are crying. You touch your skin in surprise, letting out a giggle.

“Awwww, no, honey,” Jisung says, drawing you in his arms.

He rocks you like a child and you laugh as more tears drip down your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you say. “I love you guys so much.”

“Nooo, you’re gonna make me cry too,” Yeji cries out, taking your hand.

“I know it’s not… Not easy for you, because San is your friend, and…” You sniffle. “I don’t want this to be difficult for you.”

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Jisung whispers. “We’re your friends, too.”

“We’re here for you,” Chan nods.

Crying and laughing at the same time, your friends decide to keep playing to get your mind off of things. You’re grateful.

Yeji wins, of course. She always does. Once all your beers are finished, you agree to go. Chan will drive Yeji home - he’s only had one pint. Jisung lives close to you, so you decide to walk together.

You say goodnight to Yeji. She places a kiss on your cheek, squeezes your hand. Chan draws you into a hug.

It’s so loving. So steady.

It takes the breath out of your lungs.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear. “I’m here if you need me.”

You’re too dumbstruck to reply. But you know you’ll remember those words for a long time.

You do.

You still remember the words - you can still hear them.

He’s here.

He loves you.

Like a friend, of course.

But that is more than enough.

“Y/N?”

Chan’s voice brings you back to the present. You shake your head and chuckle.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought.”

He nods, biting his lip nervously. “By the way, I wanted to ask. There’s this concert next -”

That’s when you hear the door open - followed by a voice.

His voice.

Your blood freezes in your veins, and you stare dumbly at Chan, unable to move.

You feel like bursting out in tears. No, no, no.

Not him, not tonight.

You feel Chan’s eyes on you. Yet, you don’t really see him. He delicately puts a hand on your wrist.

“Y/N…”

You try to gather your thoughts. You should’ve prepared, just in case. You feel so stupid. Of course it was all going too well.

You’re startled when Yeji bursts in the kitchen, puts her hands on your shoulders and seeks your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, honey -”

“What the hell?” you hear Chan mutter next to you. “I thought he wasn’t supposed to come.”

“He wasn’t,” Yeji hisses. “I swear, he told me he couldn’t.”

“Fuck’s sake, this dude…”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Slowly, you look up at your friends, gathering a smile.

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice clear. You take Yeji’s hands in yours, nod at her. “I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ll be fine.”

You look at Chan next, and you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest. There’s something in his eyes you can’t identify, a spark that is also a shadow. He’s frowning, his body slightly bent towards you, like he’s about to pull you into a hug. You clear your throat and nod, praying to all you can not to let your voice tremble.

“It’s all right,” you say. “He’s our friend. He should be here.”

And to some degree, you mean it.

Yeji gives you a tight hug, and you can hear Chan let out a long sigh from behind you. You can’t linger on it - you have to focus on yourself.

Stay calm. Breathe.

You can do this.

The breakup was hard for the both of you, you remind yourself. You loved each other, you really did, that much you’re sure of. San was never that good of a liar. You have a much more vulnerable nature than him, which was always a source of conflict between you, but you know your breakup affected him. You remember the tears in his eyes. The vein in his neck, pulsing, as he held them back. You remember the way his hand clenched yours. The way his words came out broken from between his teeth.

It’s over, isn’t it?

You fell out of love.

It happens.

You take a deep breath. You still want San to be your friend. You’ve agreed that you would try, and you intend to follow through on your words.

You take a step to follow Yeji back to the living room, but Chan puts a delicate hand on your shoulder. You turn around, plunge your eyes in his. You’ve always thought of them as a haven, a night sky full of stars, both deep and bright.

He stares at you with a clenched jaw and a furrowed brow. He smells as he always has, a smell you’ve wanted on your pillow for so long - and it still makes you slightly dizzy although you know there’s no chance with him.

“If at any moment you want to go home, tell me, yeah?” he whispers to you. “I’ll drive you.”

You’re a little entranced by the soft lines on his full lips and the way his low voice scrapes - but you manage a nod, after what feels like a long second.

“Thank you.”

He nods, gives your shoulder a squeeze and lets you go. The warmth of his hand lingers there, and it gives you courage to move forward.

San has already taken a seat next to Jisung and glances at you when you walk into the room. Your friends are kind enough to keep the conversation going, so the room doesn’t fall silent, but your heart sinks at the bottom of your chest.

Because San doesn’t look tired. He doesn’t look sad.

In fact, he beams.

Eyes sparkling.

New clothes, new watch.

A smile so wide it slices right through your heart.

Fuck, he looks so happy.

You have to bite your tongue so you burst out crying. You stagger a little bit, but Chan is right behind you and it prevents you from falling back. His warmth, the voices of your friends, everything makes it better.

“Hey,” you manage to say, although you’re not sure how. “You look good.”

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before.

It’s abundantly clear - your ex has moved on.

It’s not that you still have feelings for him - you just need time to grieve what you had. San was a huge part of your life for a long time, and suddenly he isn’t there anymore. That absence, that void, that’s what is difficult to deal with. Being so goddamn alone all the time. No one to make you feel loved. No one to love, either.

You’re still putting yourself back together.

You’re still healing.

Not him. He’s done it.

You should be happy for him, and in a way, you are. You’re not mad he’s moved on. But it happened so quickly. It hasn’t even been two months. You were together for more than a year. Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re bitter. But mostly it hurts.

How long is it going to take you? Why are you so goddamn sensitive?

You breathe out and help Chan bring everyone their drinks. San’s laughter is a haunting melody and you can’t wait for the movie to start so you can think about something else. You take your previous seat, and Jeongin rubs your back affectionately, offering you the bowl of popcorn.

Chan sits at the opposite side of the room. Pathetically, you wish he was still next to you. Instead you focus on the images that start playing, projected on the white wall in front of you. It’s a movie you’ve already seen, but that’s ok. It’s not like you can really focus, anyway.

Because all you can see is San. Funny, clever, happy. You know him, you’d know if he was pretending, but he isn’t. He’s liberated. It’s the only word that comes to mind. You wonder for how long you’ve been bringing him down. If he realized it and hated you for it. If he couldn’t wait to get rid of you. If he was just looking for an excuse and -

You close your eyes and put a stop to the intruding thoughts.

No. It wasn’t like that.

Was it?

You don’t know anymore.

You barely follow the movie because your thoughts keep spiraling. Around you, your friends are chatting, making jokes, and commenting on the movie. Jisung’s laugh is so loud it takes over sometimes and you take refuge in it. But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward. You stare into nothing. You don’t even touch your soda. The popcorn, either - so you hand it back to Jeongin. His presence feels good, too.

You hate yourself for being unable to live in the moment. For letting your mind wander like it is, dizzy and unkind.

In the movie, people say what they think.

In the movie, loving doesn’t seem so hard.

In the movie, it doesn’t rain.

It’s a blessing and a curse that everyone is watching the movie, and that you’re sitting in the corner, in the dark. Your eyes are filled with tears and suddenly one escapes and slides down your cheek. You fidget in your seat, faking a yawn to wipe it away. You pull the blanket over your trembling body. You laugh when the others do, although it’s heartless. Nobody notices - or so you think - and it’s a good thing.

You try to focus on the movie. It’s entertaining, it’s funny, and for a minute, maybe, you succeed in feeling better. Then you see, from the corner of your eye, San pulling out his phone. He stares at the screen, and in the dark, its blue light illuminates his face. He smiles at it and types a few words. You know that smile. Fuck, you were that smile, once.

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

You shake your head slowly, forcing a smile. I’m fine. I’m fine.

He nods. He doesn’t believe you.

You stand up on shaky legs and head to the bathroom. Once you close the door, you don’t even open the light. You wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of your own reflection. You just breathe out, breathe in, and then breathe out again. The tears fall down your cheeks, warm. They taste bitter on your lips.

Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you move on, be happy?

You take a few minutes to collect yourself. It’s fine - you don’t mind seeing San. It’s good, if, unlike you, he’s able to rebuild himself. It’s all you wish for him, and you know it’s all he wishes for you, too. He’d probably be honestly sad to know you aren’t doing well. You can never tell him, of course. You’ll pretend as well as you can - you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with him for now. You’ll keep it for yourself, shamefully, selfishly.

It will be fine.

You’ll get over it. He did, so why not you?

Once you feel ready, you head out the bathroom, and Chan is there, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” you chuckle. “I didn’t realize someone was waiting. Did you -”

You stop as Chan puts his hands on your shoulders and pulls you to him. You fall into his arms, and you’re a little shocked so you don’t move at first. Still, Chan holds you there. You stammer.

“C-Chan, I’m okay, you don’t have to -”

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.”

Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.”

You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is.

You are friends.

You’ve been for a long time.

Despite your crush on him, despite the awkward period where he was aware of it but didn’t say anything, despite all of that, you are friends.

But Chan has always been more than that for you.

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess.

Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm.

You like the feel of his arms around you. The way his chest moves as he breathes. The texture of his t-shirt.

Oh, God. Not again.

You can’t let your crush come back running. You’re just sad. You’re just lonely. It wouldn’t be fair to Chan, would it? He’s your friend. He’s not a pretty face you can choose to lust over whenever you’re lonely.

Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N.

Don’t do that to him.

Chan is your friend and he is only trying to be here for you.

“Do you want to go home?” he whispers in your hair.

You take a deep breath and nod. Chan takes a step back, smiling kindly at you. You do the same, although it’s a little faint. He bends his knees slightly to be at your height, gently rubs your cheeks to remove the tears and replace your hair.

“Let’s go, then, love.”

You don’t have time to gawk at him for using a nickname he’s never said before, because he turns and waves at you to follow him.

He tells your friends you’re feeling a little sick and he’ll drive you home. You say there’s the flu going around at the office, and you hate lying to your friends, because you know some of you will believe you and some won’t. Right now you don’t really care - even if they all knew it was a lie, they wouldn’t judge you. You make sure to not avoid San’s eyes and smile at him. You don’t want him to start asking questions.

You get your things. Yeji gives you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you promise you’ll text tomorrow. You nod, squeezing her hand and glancing at your friends. There will come a day when you’ll be yourself again.

You just need time.

Time and a lot of courage.

When you step outside, with Chan right behind you, you realize it’s raining again. You look up at the sky, now a profound black painted by hints of grey clouds. You run to his car, the rain heavy and cold.

The car is clean and smells nice. Chan pulls back his hoodie, starts the engine and drives away as you look back at the apartment building. You wish you were stronger.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan says, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping on his thigh to the rhythm of the song on the radio.

“Do you?” you tell him with a smile.

“I do,” he nods, matching your smile. “You’re telling yourself you should be stronger.”

You gawk at him, feeling both embarrassed and scandalized. He shrugs.

“Didn’t I ever tell you I can read you like an open book?”

“Tsk,” you retort. “Wasn’t that when we played Mafia?”

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.”

“Not sure that’s true.”

“This is.”

You glare at him and he does the same, playfully. You feel much more relaxed now that you’re here. It was always easy to talk to Chan - never does that change, whatever the circumstances. You are much alike in that you tend to put others before yourselves, often at the sacrifice of your own feelings. For some reason, though, that didn’t work between you. The walls immediately fall apart.

“So I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands.

“To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.”

“And you had your eyes on me tonight?” you ask without thinking.

“Of course,” he answers, stopping the car at a red light. “I stayed sober, kept a close eye on you. Just in case.”

You wince. “Just in case I started crying hysterically or made a scene?”

He shakes his head, looking at you. The red light reflects on his face, enveloping the car in its hue. The rain thumps on the car in soft sounds. Chan’s dark hair is messy on his head, charmingly curled at the tips.

“More like in case he did something,” he eventually says.

“Why would he?” you ask with a frown, assuming he’s talking about San.

“Well…” Chan sighs. “He can be a dick sometimes.”

You’re surprised by his words - you never would’ve thought that Chan disliked San. On all accounts, they are good friends. Chan chuckles nervously at your look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I know you were a thing for a long time, but… It’s just what I think.”

“Did he do something?”

Chan shrugs. “It’s just a feeling. Never really did anything. Except breaking up with you, of course.”

You scoff. “He’s an asshole for breaking up with me?”

“Yeah,” Chan stammers. “Just - like - who would ever let a girl like you go?”

His words don’t make a lot of sense to you. They come to you muffled, as if you are plunged in a dream or in a drunken state. You honestly can’t believe your ears.

“What are you -”

He quickly waves his hand, looks away from you to the road ahead - and fortunately for him, the light turns green, so he has a good excuse to change the subject.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just rambling.”

You really don’t want to let this go. Your heart is racing, and you honestly wouldn’t know San’s name if someone was to yell it in your ear right now. All you can see is Chan, his tightened jaw, gripping the wheel of his car, driving you home. His words echo in your head, and you’re trying to put everything together.

Did you miss something? Clearly, Chan has something on his mind, an itch he can’t scratch. Have you been so intoxicated by your grief and sadness that you blacked out? You haven’t been a good friend, that much you know. You just wanted to feel better, first. You were of use to no one feeling this sad and broken. But Chan’s agitation has clearly been there for a while. How long have you been this blind?

You open your mouth, trying to find the right words. Chan, what is going on?

Chan, are you angry at me?

Chan, please, tell me what’s on your mind.

You sigh in frustration. You’re silent for a while, your thoughts spiraling, and just when you’re just about ready to ask, your phone rings. You glance at the screen instinctively, and San’s name is like a slap on the face.

Are you okay? he asks in a text. Tell me when you get home.

Hints of your boyfriend. Remnants of the past. The text feels like a ghost is speaking to you. It makes you angry. It makes you ache.

You might not love San anymore, but you miss him.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks.

“Yeah,” you nod.

You’re about to say you’re fine, which has become an automatic response, but you remember what Chan said. I can read you like an open book. So instead, you take a deep breath.

“It’s San,” you explain. “He’s asking me if I’m okay and to text him when I’m home.”

Chan scoffs, and there is nothing amiable in the sound. “The guts on this guy,” he mutters. “I’m literally driving you and he knows that.”

You frown, sensing the anger in his voice.

“Seriously, Chan, did something happen between your two?”

Chan shakes his head. He doesn’t want to look at you.

“Chan,” you insist. “Tell me, please.”

He lets out a sigh, gripping the wheel tighter.

“We might’ve had… an altercation.”

“An altercation?” you repeat. “Like a fight?!”

“Not a fight,” Chan sighs. “Not a physical one, anyway.”

“What the fuck happened?”

The words escape your mouth. An uneasy feeling washes over you. Nobody has told you about this. Nobody has said a word.

“When did this happen?” you ask when Chan doesn’t answer.

“Like… a week ago, I think.”

“Why didn’t no one -”

You interrupt yourself and close your eyes. Looking out the car window, you realize you’re already parked in front of your apartment building. How did it go so fast?

For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time?

“Chan,” you say, your voice shaking. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you with timid eyes. They shimmer in the darkness but you can’t focus on them. You are trembling and you can’t hold on to a single clear thought. Your mind is a blurry mess.

Chan looks out through the window before he takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t want to do this tonight. You need to rest, you -”

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never be able to sleep, so it will be worse.”

You feel your hands shaking, so you clench your fists. Outside, the rain accelerates, pounds loudly on the car. The sound is almost unbearable but you don’t care.

“If you’re trying to protect me, I’m grateful,” you add, when you see he’s still hesitating. “But I can take it. I’d rather know.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice quivering.

“We’re friends, right?” you tell him. “That’s what you said. Be my friend, Chan.”

He sighs and rubs his eyes. You’re scared, and yet a part of you feels perfectly calm. You hate the fact that something was hidden from you, but you’re so ready to withstand whatever storm is heading your way.

You’d rather stand in chaos than into nothingness.

At least the chaos makes a little sense.

“Before I say anything…” Chan sighs. “I don’t want you to take any of this on you, yeah? I know you’ll feel bad, but please, just remember -”

“For fuck’s sake, Chan,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Get to the point.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

You stare back at him.

“What?”

“San. He has a girlfriend. I thought it was too soon, that it was disrespectful of you, so I told him and it got heated, but… Yeah. Shit. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

It’s like the rain suddenly got quiet.

A girlfriend.

You should’ve known. You saw it, after all. The phone, the text, the smile. The happiness in his eyes. The trendy clothes, the new watch. All the hints were there.

He has moved on.

More than you expected.

Everything happens quickly. Your body acts before your brain registers it, and in the blink of an eye you’re outside in the pouring rain. You slam the passenger door behind you, you forget your bag, you don’t even think about it. You just walk forward.

It’s bitter cold.

In seconds, you’re drenched.

Your knees feel weak and you’re sure you are going to fall.

A sob escapes your throat.

It shouldn’t hurt that much.

You hate your heart.

You hate how vulnerable it is.

You want to move on, too.

“Y/N!”

You turn around, halfway to the door of your apartment, to find Chan running towards you. You raise your hand slowly. It’s shaking like a leaf.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’m f-”

“Stop saying that!”

You’re a bit surprised at the sudden anguish in his voice. He stops inches away from you, getting soaked by the heavy rain. It slides down his cheeks like tears, strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at you fiercely, his eyes blazing with light.

“I’m sorry, I just - I see you’re hurting and it’s killing me.”

You don’t know what to tell him. You wish he would go away. You wish he would hug you. You wish the pain would just stop.

“Y/N -”

“I don’t care!” you scream, the sound getting lost in the rain.

Chan frowns.

“I don’t care if he has a girlfriend,” you cry out. “I just…” You shrug, your eyes lost in Chan’s. “I just want to heal, too. I want to move on, too. I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of hurting.”

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

“You just have to give me time,” you say, your voice falling apart. “I’ll be fine eventually.”

He lets out a sigh, slides a hand through his drenched hair. A raindrop slides down his face, gets caught on his lips.

“Please, let’s go inside,” he pleads. “Let me be here for you.”

You hesitate, but the cold rain keeps you on your toes. You want to be home, in your own space, but you also don’t want to be alone. So you nod, and Chan lets out a sigh, thanking you in a whisper.

When you step inside your apartment you’re a little shy to turn on the lights because it’s messy, but you can’t really be bothered about that right now. Chan waits on the other side of the door, a hesitant look on his face.

“Come in,” you tell him.

He nods, closing the door behind him. Your place is modest, just big enough for one person, situated in the semi-basement of the building. It does not get much light, but it feels cozy and it is cheap.

The first thing you do is get a towel for Chan so he can dry his hair and his clothes. He hangs his hoodie on a hook near the door; luckily the t-shirt underneath is only damp. His dark blue jeans took the worst of the rain. You suggest giving him some dry clothes, but he insists he’ll be fine.

You tell him to get comfortable and go to change in your room. Your limbs feel weak as you slip on a pair of sweatpants and a crewneck. You cannot stop thinking about Chan's words.

San has a girlfriend.

He has opened his heart to love again.

The rain keeps falling.

It’s time you heal.

When you come back to the living room, Chan is anxiously staring at his phone. He puts it away when he sees you, smiling a little timidly.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “Want a drink?”

“Sounds good.”

You give him a gentle smile and you both head to the kitchen, where you fill two glasses of soju. He takes one, clinking it against yours. You drink it in one go.

“Now that feels better,” you sigh.

Chan smiles at you fondly, and you nudge his arm.

“Chan. It’s all right. It had to happen.”

“So quickly, though?” he winces.

“We all heal at different paces,” you say softly. “Or maybe it’s his way of healing. Either way I’m happy for him.”

Chan leans one elbow on the kitchen counter, giving you a long look. You hold his gaze, confused at the sudden calmness you feel.

“You said you can read me like an open book,” you remind him, pouring yourself another drink. “Am I lying?”

He smiles briefly. “No.”

“Cheers.”

He takes another sip, and you imitate him.

“How about we sit down?” you propose.

Once in the living room, you sink into the couch. Chan sits at a comfortable distance, twirling his glass between his fingers. It’s strange to see him at your place - because of the size of your apartment, you rarely have friends over. You remember him driving you home a couple of times, but he must have been inside only once or twice in the three years you’ve lived here.

You talk a little, about everything and nothing. You drink some more, perhaps a little too much, but the soju warms your body. Chan relaxes, too. The bottle is quickly empty.

You both fall silent, and you stare at the bottom of your empty glass. The tears come back too easily.

“Chan?”

“Yeah, love?”

You peck your lips. Hearing him say that feels too good. It’s so new, but you already don’t want him to ever stop.

“Is she pretty?” you utter.

“Y/N…”

“She must be. Pretty and smart.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Do you know her?”

You look up, and Chan shakes his head. His hair is untidy, his cheeks a little red, his full lips as inviting as ever.

“I don’t. Ji told me they met at a party.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So everyone knows?”

You hate the way your voice shudders, but you can’t help it. Chan shuffles closer to you, gently taking your hand in his. It’s warm and familiar.

“No,” he answers in a soft voice. “Just a few. We wanted to wait for the right moment - well, actually, I thought San should be the one to tell you.”

You laugh, wiping your tears. “No offense, but that would’ve been worse.”

Chan snorts amusingly. “Oh. Good thing it didn’t happen, then. I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea.”

You both end up giggling, and Chan doesn’t let go of your hand. You sniffle. You don’t let go either.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you say. But why are you so invested in this?”

“In your breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not invested in your breakup,” he shrugs. “I’m invested in you, you’re my friend.”

“But it’s - you don’t have to, you can just be like the others, not take a side, you don’t have to fight anyone.”

“Why wouldn’t I speak out? It bothers me, you know me, I don’t shut up when it comes to people I care about.”

“But San is your friend, too.”

“But you’re -”

You frown. “I’m what?”

“You’re Y/N.”

The tenderness in his voice takes you by surprise. It seeps through his lips, echoes in his eyes. You feel your heart twist and turn - and just like that, his fingers slip away from yours.

“Sorry, I…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “Hell, I’m doing it all wrong tonight. And I should really stop drinking. How the fuck am I supposed to drive back home?”

“Chan, wait,” you say, ignoring him. “What are you trying to say?”

He sighs heavily. His face falls in his hand, and he breathes there for a second before he looks back up at you. He looks so tired.

“I know you had a crush on me,” he breathes.

You smile nervously. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because I have a crush on you, too,” he says.

You blink, and it’s like the world tilts. You haven’t been drinking that much, it can’t be the soju. Still, you feel dizzy and warm. Chan is looking at you with fondness and anguish.

He didn’t say had.

He said have.

His words are right there, still on the tip of his tongue.

In his eyes.

So damn bright.

No - he’s here because he’s your friend. That’s it.

Isn’t it?

“I don’t understand,” you breathe out.

“I never acted on it because San had wanted to ask you out for a while,” Chan explains with a shrug. “And you know me. I never put myself before others. And although I sorta knew you had a crush on me, I convinced myself San was better for you.”

You look down at your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you whisper.

“Because you were so happy with him,” Chan says, his voice shaking. “You found each other and it was good, and who was I to say anything? At one point it didn’t even matter anymore, and I buried it deep inside of me, told myself I was over you. You were over me, after all. It was just a crush, anyway. I was so sure you’d be in this with San for the long run.”

So did I, you want to say. Your throat feels so dry, however, you can’t say anything. You can just stare at Chan. He smiles at you almost carefully.

“When I heard about your breakup… Everything came rushing back. The other night, after we got drinks, and I saw you crying… I was just so worried about you. So gutted to see you hurt, it was almost unbearable. And then he said he found someone else and I couldn’t understand, and we argued. It was heated, but it’s fine now. We’re good.”

You close your eyes because the world can’t stop spinning. You were so cold earlier, but now you’re almost sweating. You’re too warm. The world is ablaze.

Chan is your fire.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I can’t say I am. But if I let myself go…” He stumbles on his words. “I just might.”

Time has stopped. You can barely breathe.

You feel the sting of shame.

The delightful warmth of Chan’s confession.

You’ve been so blind.

“You just mean so much to me,” he says, his voice both low and soft. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be loved as you should be loved.”

When you open your eyes, it feels like he’s sitting closer to you although he hasn’t moved. He’s not touching you, but his smell overwhelms your senses. You can’t look away, and he watches you back.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ”

You drink his words like they’re the essence of life. You feel, in each one, a wish, a hope, a possibility. Ropes that were drawn and never knotted together. Lifelines, waiting to be grasped.

“I never was,” you breathe.

He frowns. “What?”

“Over you,” you explain. “I never was over you. I’m not.”

He closes his eyes.

“Fuck, Y/N, don’t tell me that.”

“It’s true,” you say, voice trembling. “I loved San, of course I did. But you were always in my heart and you will never not be.”

Chan’s eyes drip down your eyes to your lips. You feel an ache inside your chest. It’s like it’s starting to rain indoors. What an odd feeling.

“You don’t love him anymore?” he asks carefully, weighing every word.

“No.”

Your voice comes in a whisper, but it’s full of certainty.

“But Chan, I…” You swallow. “I can’t - I can’t listen to what my heart says about you, it’s not fair, you’re not… You’re not a stand-in, you’re not - you’re more important than that, and…”

“Can I kiss you?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Just once,” Chan smiles. “I want to taste your lips. Just once.”

What could you say to that? How many times did you dream about Chan’s lips on yours, wondering what they felt like? Were his kisses kind, delicate, hungry? You’d see him drink whiskey and wonder if the taste would linger on them. You’d see him kiss another girl and picture yourself in her place.

And now he was offering you a kiss.

Hell, he wanted to kiss you.

So you find yourself nodding, and Chan takes a long look at you, as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind. You remain immobile, lips parted, awaiting his. Slowly, he plucks them, grazing them against his - and they sink into yours, soft, like a cloud, deep, like the ocean.

You collapse in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. He slides his fingers through your hair, his other hand embracing your waist to pull you closer. You can’t hold back a sigh from escaping your lips, and Chan responds by kissing you deeper, the movements of his lips getting almost feverish.

“Chan,” you moan when you gasp for breath.

“Fuck, I can’t stop,” he growls, placing small kisses on your lips.

His fingers dig in your skin, and you desperately want to disappear against him, so you move your leg so you can straddle him. Chan wraps himself around you, and you feel the dampness of his clothes but you don’t care. You take his face in your hands, plunging back into a needy kiss. Chan’s hands wander on your back, on your hips, on the back of your neck. You can only lean into him. His tongue teases your lips and you open your mouth to let it in. It plays with yours, and you can feel walls tighten.

By now you are fully making out, your hips grinding against his. You can feel him getting hard, and it sends your mind reeling.

“God, you’re so perfect,” he moans around your lips.

“I’ve thought about this so often, Chan,” you admit.

“Same,” he grins. “I… Fuck, I can’t tell you this.”

“Tell me,” you insist, trailing kisses alongside his jaw, on the delicate skin of his neck. It makes him shudder, and can almost feel his cock pulsating under you.

“I thought about your lips,” he breathes out. “Your body. How you would sound moaning against me…”

“Fuck, Channie…”

You clench at his words, pressing your core on his erection. He grunts, his fingers slowly making their way under your shirt. You tug at his, and suddenly, like a flash of lightning, you realize what you are doing. Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth dries. Everything rushes back. You stop, and he does the same, leaning back.

He looks more attractive than ever with his hair tousled by your fingers, his full lips red and wet from your kisses.

“I’m sorry, I just -”

“Is this going too fast?” he asks you gently.

You hesitate. “It’s not that. I just - I don’t want to give the wrong impression.”

Chan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like you’re just a rebound or something,” you shrug.

Chan smiles - that cheeky grin of his, his eyes sparkling at the same time. It toys with your heartstrings. How could anyone not adore this man?

“I don’t care,” he answers. “I’ll be your rebound.”

“Chan, I’m serious,” you sigh.

“So am I,” he says, twirling a strand of your hair around his index. “If it’s something you want, then I’m here. I want to. And it doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow, or ever. We’ll always be friends.”

You breathe out, briefly closing your eyes. All you want is to keep kissing him, to forget the world in his arms. To be desired, to be loved.

It’s all you want.

But your heart still aches.

So much has happened tonight - you feel so heavy.

You sigh again. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Chan cups your cheek.

“It’s okay, love,” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s all so fresh. I can leave if you -”

“No,” you quickly interrupt him, pushing a finger against his plush lips. “Please. Stay with me.”

Chan nods, his eyes not leaving yours. You should move. You should get going - get a glass of water, sleep it all off. But you can’t move, lost in Chan’s gaze, your body a bundle of nerves. You lean forward, settling your forehead against his.

“It’s killing me,” you chuckle nervously.

Chan giggles, and the sound is delightful. “We have time, love. I won’t let you go, now. I got you.”

He places a soft kiss on your lips.

“If you’ll have me.”

As an answer, you give him another kiss. You slide your fingers through his humid hair, inhaling his scent.

“Will you sleep here tonight?”

“I’m here, baby.”

The word makes something melt inside of you. You shiver, and instinctively, he sprawls his warm hands on your back.

You’re overwhelmed by the tenderness and the hurt.

You feel so loved.

So abandoned.

So alone.

So supported.

So seen.

Your lips find him again like a magnet. You kiss him deeper than before. You’re losing your mind.

“Y/N,” he breathes in your mouth.

The words escape your lips. “Fuck it, I want you.”

He groans, his fingers diving in your skin. His cock twitches under you, making you lose all sense.

“I want this, Chan,” you sigh, biting his lip. “But I don’t - I don’t want you to think I’m using you, all right? You’re my friend, I care about you, I -”

He laughs. “You can use me all you want.”

He starts kissing you again, feverishly, as if it hasn’t just been a few seconds since he last did it. You arch your back, closing all distance between your bodies. Chan starts placing kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your thin skin.

“I’ll make you feel good, baby girl,” he whispers. “I’ll make you forget for a little while. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just you and me tonight. Let the rest fade away.”

He puts his strong hands on your ass, and slowly moves it. You sway your hips, and the friction of his erection against you makes you moan softly. You plunge your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder blades.

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers.

“Just you and me,” you nod.

In a swift move he removes your shirt, groaning at the sight of your bralette. It’s made of a thin lacy material, so he can perfectly see your nipples, and immediately leans in to brush his lips against them. You shudder, your nails digging in the back of his neck.

He removes your bra to gain access to your breasts, gently massaging them in his hands and sliding his tongue around them. Meanwhile, you caress his cock above his jeans, loving the way he tenses at your touch.

“Hold on to me,” he tells you in a breath.

You wrap your arms around his neck and he lifts you up, only to gently lay you down on the couch so he’s on top of you.

“Let me see you,” you breathe, grabbing his t-shirt.

He obliges, removing the piece of clothing so you revel in the sight of his toned chest. You take off your sweatpants and stare as he removes his jeans as well, giving you a better sight of his athletic body. His boxers do nothing to hide his erection.

“Before this goes any further,” he says, and his voice sounds so raw it sends shivers down your spine. “Do you have -”

“Bathroom,” you say with a nod.

He smiles, bends to steal a kiss and disappears. You look up at the ceiling, suddenly very aware of your nakedness, of what you are about to do.

It feels like you’ve been through ten days in one.

This morning you woke up with dread.

Now you are filled with hope.

Is this going too fast? Should you wait?

Maybe.

You don’t want to.

This feeling in your chest, that Chan helps surge, that threatens to burst - all this light, all this love. It’s been a while since you’ve felt that. From someone else, from yourself.

So what if it’s too fast? You want to live.

And if there’s a person you trust, it’s Chan.

“Got it,” you hear him say as he reappears.

You don’t really know what to say because you have all this love and light inside your chest and words would not feel enough, so you stay silent, only pull him back into a kiss. He lays on top of you, warm and a little unsteady. You can feel he’s a little nervous, just like you, but you don’t mind. You need his softness. You need his realness.

You push his boxers down, feeling his cock touch your stomach. The sensation is enough to clear your mind, and you bite Chan’s lower lip a little. He answers with a slight chuckle.

You want to tell him how crazy he makes you. How nice it is to feel him so warm and hard. How much this means to you. But for some reason, you can bring yourself to say anything, and neither does he. You just breathe together, febrile and eager. His fingers graze your wetness, and you shiver. Sensing your pleasure, Chan applies some pressure on your folds, leaning two fingers on your clit. You arch your back, moaning a little louder than you expected. Your hands reach for him, palming his cock, your own fingers brushing his tip.

“Fuck,” Chan grunts. “Y/N…”

“Channie, please,” you whisper.

“Wait,” he answers. “I want to do something first, if this is my only chance.”

You frown, opening your eyes as you feel him move. You quickly understand what he means, however, as his lips trace a path of wet kisses on your stomach and your thighs. Soon his breath is against your core, and you forget how to breathe.

When his tongue touches you, it’s like a hundred sensations at once, and you can’t hold back a shaky moan. Your fingers grab the couch as Chan pushes your legs further apart. He kisses you, pressing his tongue into you, attentive to your reactions.

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” he says, although you barely hear him. “Keep moaning for me, baby girl.”

A surge of pleasure goes through your body, enveloping you in silk, and you grab Chan’s hair, instinctively pushing him against your clit as his tongue encloses it.

“Fuck, fuck, Chan, I’m…” you whimper.

“Are you coming?”

You nod, and he buries his nose in you, embracing your sensitive spots. Your orgasm makes your whole body tremble against him, and he holds your legs as you do, making sure to accompany you throughout.

As you come down, slowly, you blink back into reality. You look at him a little timidly, realizing your fingers are still tangled in his hair. You place your palm against his head, caressing it tenderly.

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all,” he chuckles. “It was beautiful.”

You bite your lip and he moves so he can kiss you. Your taste is on his lips and his tongue and it’s making you a little dizzy.

It’s been a while since you’ve felt as good as this.

Not that the sex with San was bad - but it faded at the same time your love did. When you broke up you had not touched each other like that - barely kissed, even - for weeks.

Although you’re sensitive, you really want to make Chan feel good. You need him inside you, stretching you, making you whole. You align your legs so his cock falls between them, and you grind slowly. His breath hitches against your lips, and you take it as a hint he likes it.

“You made me feel so good, Channie,” you tell him in between kisses. “I want to do the same for you.”

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” he lets out.

“I want you inside me,” you say.

He nods fervently, puts on the condom he got from the bathroom and aligns himself with your entrance. You feel so relaxed and tense at the same time, tucked in his arms on the couch, the rest of the world faded away. He enters you slowly, letting you time to adjust to his size, and you breathe out slowly.

He feels so different. He feels so right. You are a bundle of nerves he unmakes.

He thrusts his hips at a measured, exquisite pace. Each time he goes deeper, and you cry out in pleasure, your fingers digging in the skin of his muscled back. You feel the fever, you feel the want. He breathes heavily against your neck, holding you tight.

“You okay?” he asks in a whisper.

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, arching a little to facilitate his movements.

Chan doesn’t stop. As he makes love to you - because it is what he is doing - you sense his thrusts getting a little more erratic. In the quiet of the living room you hear nothing but the sound of him plunging inside you, his cock smeared by your wetness, his breathing mingling with yours. It is so erotic, so loving, your second orgasm is building quickly and deliciously.

Chan accelerates. You pant, moaning nonsense.

“Come with me,” he breathes, and that is the last thing you need to come undone.

It’s enthralling how your soul escapes you and yet stays right there, against Chan, around him, with him. As you clench around his cock, you hear a delightful moan escape his throat, rough and hoarse, and it keeps you right above the clouds with him as he comes inside of you. You feel him twitch before he relaxes slowly.

His lips find your forehead and he plants the softest of kisses there.

As you sink into the couch, he removes himself from you, and lays down on top of your body. You don’t mind the weight - in fact, it feels just right. His nose is in your neck, his breath tickling your sweat-covered skin. Your fingers slide in his hair, and you close your eyes.

You give yourselves time to recover. As the high fades, you feel Chan’s breathing relax and get more steady.

“Channie,” you whisper with a smile. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Hm?” he groans, lifting his head to look at you.

With his hair all over the place, his small eyes and swollen lips, he looks ready to pass out. It elicits a large smile from you, and you tenderly caress his cheek.

“Let’s get to bed,” you tell him.

He nods. You stand up on shaky legs, and help him on his feet. Together you close the lights in the apartment, and then you take his hand to guide him towards the bathroom. You take the time to clean up and head to the bedroom. The lights are off except for the fairy lights hanging above your bed. Once you’re there, you open a drawer, take out a t-shirt that will fit him.

You slip under the sheets, Chan next to you. He pulls you into his arms, and you put your head on his shoulder.

The rain has slowed to a drizzle.

Who knows what the sky will look like tomorrow?

For now you just want to sleep against Charm’s warmth.

“Get some rest, love,” he whispers to you.

“Goodnight, Channie.”

“Goodnight.”

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment or reblog with a word in the tags if you can. It's truly appreciated ♡

#bang chan smut #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x you #bang chan x reader #chan smut #chan x you #chan x reader #chan x y/n #stray kids smut #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #skz smut #skz x reader #skz x you #skz x y/n

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evermourning · 1 year

Text

𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐝 - bang chan

pairing: bang chan x gn!reader, lovertober entry i

genre: non!idol au, office!au, fluff, office romance, slice of life, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), slow burn??

wc: 5.8k

warnings: suggestive, making out, will they/won't they type shit, language, lots of jype idols, vague business (don't come after me i'm in med courses), BLONDE CHAN, miscommunication

a/n: here is the first lovertober entry! releasing this one in honor of chan's birthday. happy birthday, channie! <33

lovertober entries will not be coming out as fast as the bewitched series did. i have a lot on my plate, and these are longer. please be patient. thank you! <3

you took a deep breath, the air filling your lungs not helping as much as it should've. the building you were about to walk into was huge, boasting many stories and definitely was even larger on the inside. if you squinted, you could barely make out shapes of an enormous lobby, built with high ceilings and many elevators.

holy shit, you were going to get so lost.

you repeated affirmations to essentially calm yourself down. you had been chosen specifically for this job by the chairman himself. he'd stopped in for your interview, and personally taken a liking to you. you were strong! you had this in the bag, definitely.

you walked through the door, marveling at the sight of the building. it was modern and architecturally genius and unique, the colors and structure blending so well. you walked across the tiled floor, your shoes clicking against it uncomfortably loud. some people were staring, having never seen you in their life. when you rang the bell at the front desk, a head popped out from the back, looking you up and down before her lips turned upward, blossoming into a beautiful smile.

"you're the new hire, yes? oh, we've been so excited to meet you!" she outstretched a hand, shaking yours elegantly. "my name is chaeryeong. you'll be seeing me a lot. the front desk is my domain, you could say."

you smiled. so far, everyone you'd seen in this company was the epitome of drop-dead gorgeous, and chaeryeong was no exception. if there was something in the air, you were happy to be working here.

"it's your first day, right?" chaeryeong asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. after you nodded, she walked over to her desk and pressed a small button, connecting her to the intercom.

"what is it, chaer?" a lower, masculine voice spoke from the small speaker. "do you need anything?"

"i do, yes." she replied, still very amiable but much more formal. "can you come get our new hire and introduce them to the president? he was the one who requested them to be hired, after all."

"um...i'll try." the voice said, a bit hesitantly. "the chairman's been working him to the bone, so he's in a bit of a mood. point fingers if he tries to pin the blame on us for scaring the new hire away."

chaeryeong laughed softly, saying a quick goodbye before turning it off.

"alright, the president's secretary is coming down to get you. he's a real sweetheart, so he'll be your cushion before meeting the man in charge."

you nodded, trying to process what you'd heard on the intercom. you really hoped your boss wasn't rude. you weren't one to believe claims without proof. on the contrary, you quite disliked ill-mannered people.

after chatting amicably with chaeryong for a little bit, your conversation was interrupted by a soft "ahem". you turned your head to see another person standing there with a small smile.

he was tall and well-built, with a relaxed air about him. his tousled brown hair was perfectly styled, and he looked to be in his early thirties.

"i've heard so much about you, yn." he began running a hand through his hair. "lily, your interviewer, was absolutely gushing about you, saying you were the one. i honestly couldn't tell if she meant it in a business way or a romantic one. you seriously charmed her."

you laughed, your cheeks heating up from the compliment.

"that's nice to hear," you replied to his words of praise. "who are you? you seem so familiar, i'm pretty sure i've seen you on the news or something."

he sighed.

"yes, you most likely have. i'm junho, the president's secretary. my hiring was all over the news because it was very controversial. many aren't used to male secretaries." his identity clicked like two puzzle pieces snapping into place.

"oh...oh! lee junho, that's who you are!" you exclaimed, and he chuckled. "i always thought you were so brave. secretarial gender roles have been in place for so long, i'm happy they're finally starting to be broken." you saw how his cheeks turned the slightest bit redder from the compliment, eliciting a grin out of you.

"thank you, that really means a lot." he motioned in the direction of the elevators. "shall we go, then? you have a lot of orientation to go through, but you've been directed to meet the president first. so just come with me."

once you got into the elevator, which had many floors to pass, junho explained to you the hierarchy of this certain workplace.

"each division of our company has it's own name and unit, it's very interesting. the company itself is owned by the chairman, j.y. park, but he just goes by jyp. the president is very private and he likes to introduce himself, so...i'll just move on. the vice president, jihyo, is very kind but she's got an iron fist when it comes to work. she's really a lovely lady who's fought for her position and deserves it wholeheartedly." as junho explained, your interest in this mysterious president grew more and more. "the big positions of power are referred to as skz. there's like seven of them if you don't include the president. the pr team are so amazing as well, they go by misamo. it was really odd, one of our new hires said they were 'mothering'? i think that's a good thing, though."

eventually, the elevator reached the top floor. you took a deep breath, mirroring the one you inhaled before you entered. at the end of the long hallway were two large doors, and a quiet conversation could be heard, although it was unintelligible.

"may i come in?" junho called, knocking on the door.

"no." a male voice said, almost instantly after junho asked. "we're busy."

"respectfully, sir...be quiet. you may come in, junho. we just finished our conversation." a new voice replied, female and with authority.

"i could fire you with just a snap of my fingers." the first voice hissed, eliciting an incredulous laugh from the woman.

"please, be rational. you know your company can't function without me." the man went silent, meaning this woman was correct.

the doors opened to an expensive office. not only was it absolutely enormous, it was furnished incredibly well. on one side there was a large mahogany desk covered in papers and writing utensils. a laptop sat on the side, haphazardly teetering on the edge. you wanted to push it more onto the desk. behind the desk was a beautiful bookcase taking up the entire wall, sporting both business books and classic literature. on the other side was a sitting area in front of a windowed wall that allowed the viewer to marvel at the sight of the bustling city from above.

there were three people in different areas of the room. you observed and took notes on each one. two men, one woman.

the woman had long black hair that cascaded down her shoulder in perfect waves. she held a cup, which with closer observation you determined was filled by some sort of smoothie. when you came in, she smiled warmly at you. judging by how she held herself and the authority that radiated from every bone in her body, this was definitely the vice president, jihyo.

sitting in a chair near the president's desk was one of the two men. he didn't even noticed you and junho's arrival, as he was much too preoccupied with looking at...cat pictures? when he noticed your imploring gaze, he showed you his phone.

"these are my cats. aren't they lovely?"

this man was a little odd. but what he lacked in normality (which was such a vague word already) he made up for in attractiveness, because unashamedly you'd admit he was sexy as hell. he was lean, with unreachable beauty and neatly styled hair that was almost some sort of burgundy shade. he looked like he could be a heartthrob with those visuals. but he was not the man who'd turned junho away, so you determined he was not the president.

you nudged junho slightly. "who's he?"

"minho. he's the chief operating officer. he seems cold at first, but he's great. he's also the president's closest friend. him and jihyo are really the only ones who can even attempt to influence the guy and succeed."

"junho, please stop talking about me as if i'm not in the room. i'm not deaf." the voice from before came from the man standing at the window. this was the one who'd been talking before, with his embarrassingly attractive australian accent. then he turned around, and your voice died in your throat.

he had wispy blonde hair with slight curls, and beautiful dark eyes. his face looked as if it had been sculpted by the gods themselves. he was wearing a black button-up with the sleeves rolled up, so that everyone could see his toned forearms. he matched this with ebony slacks and black leather shoes. from where he stood, the light scent of his cologne wafted into your nostrils and you swore you felt dizzy.

was this really your boss?

"is this the new hire? the one the chairman was raving about?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"yes, sir. you requested them to be hired, too. remember?"

when junho confirmed this information, he turned around, his piercing gaze fixing on you.

"i hope you're feeling eternally grateful. most people start at the bottom. you see, this company is like a ladder. most people have to pull themselves up rung by rung until the skin on their hands is calloused and bruised. that's how i got here, that's how jihyo got here, and that's how everybody else at this damn company got to where they are now." his words were cold. "and today, you start your very first day as an executive assistant. completely skipping over the ladder and landing at the top. do not assume this means you have privilege, because the moment you slip up, you're out."

although his words were harsh, each vowel and consonant dripping with venom, they made sense.

"i understand, sir." you replied.

"good. i don't think i'd be able to operate with an idiot masquerading as my assistant."

the moment those words left his mouth, a strong sense of dislike grew in your bones, inching up to your brain. was he taking you for an idiot? it was already amazing enough of the feat you’d accomplished.

“sir, if i may—“ you began, but minho cut you off.

“choose your next words carefully, please. he’s like a beast when he gets mad.”

you sighed, remaining composed to the best of your abilities.

“i’d appreciate it if you did not speak so rashly about my position as your assistant. the person who approved my appointment was the chairman himself, and he had every right to put me at the bottom of the ladder, where i would’ve put in my all to climb to the top anyways.” you spoke firmly, precisely.

“is that all?” the president spoke. jihyo gave him a warning look. it was funny. she was merely the vice president yet held so much power over him. he looked back at her, gritting his teeth.

"one more thing, and then i will be done. what's your name? i can't keep referring to you as 'the president' in my head."

he let out a chuckle.

"it's christopher. christopher bahng." he looked you up and down, his lips curling into a smirk. "i think i'm going to like you."

you were not going to like him.

...

as the hours turned into days, and the days turned into weeks, you settled into your new job. however, your dislike for your boss only grew with each passing moment. he rarely ever talked to you. the only times he did were to critique your performances and bark new orders. it was absolutely insufferable.

"did you call a car?" he asked as you followed him out of the hotel. he walked quickly, you almost had to jog to keep up with him. even the back of his head was annoying, with his...beautiful hair...ugh! that was one of the most annoying things about christopher fucking bahng - his stupid hair on his stupid head with his stupidly handsome face. why'd such a lovely appearance have to be paired with such an awful personality? god had definitely been giggling as he made the guy.

"yes, mr. bahng. it'll be here any second. we'll be at the airport at 10:53am, as the morning traffic thins." you replied almost robotically. you kept these thoughts to yourself. it wasn't worth it, bad-mouthing your boss, with the type of salary you were receiving.

"good. you're getting better." he said slyly. you squinted at him.

"getting better at what, may i ask? i think i've excelled at this job from the beginning, sir. you picked me yourself."

"-from a lineup of assistants just as qualified as you. calm down. you are talented yes, but you are not special." you bit your tongue, clenching your fist to keep yourself from swinging it at his perfect cheekbones. "you're getting better at following my instructions. you've got a sharp tongue, but at least you're polite about it. do you really want to know why i picked you?"

"enlighten me, bahng." you said, in an irritated tone you probably should not have used towards your boss. thankfully, it really only made him let out a low chuckle, biting his full bottom lip.

"i'd found myself in a sticky situation. narrowing executive assistant candidates down to four or five was already enough of a task in itself, because every single person on that goddamn list was extremely qualified. and then, i got to your portfolio. there was something about the way you stared at the camera in your photo. it was so...intriguing, i wanted to learn about everything. what makes you happy, what ticks you off, every little thing."

you raised an eyebrow.

"you sound like you want to fuck me or something." the words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them, and chris basically roared with laughter.

"there is no way you just said that to your boss." he said in between gasps of breath. "please remember even if we aren't the office, this is still a professional relationship."

and then he leaned in, his breath tickling your ear.

"and who knows, maybe i do? wait and see." your cheeks heated significantly at his comment. as he noticed this, he laughed again. "you're so fun to play with."

you huffed at his comment, tuning him out when you spotted something in your peripheral. it was an old lady, crossing the road with shaky legs as she leaned for dear life onto her cane. she leaned a little too far, the cane giving out. the poor lady tumbled to the ground. chris noticed this too.

"stay here." he handed you his things and rushed over to the lady, helping her up and reaching an arm around her protectively. you watched in awe as he helped her gently across the street, before, kneeling down and looking up at her.

"are you okay, ma'am? that was quite a fall." he said softly. "are you hurt?"

the elderly woman blushed at his comment.

"such a gentleman! i almost didn't think kids like you had respect anymore." she cooed, smiling widely at chris. "i think i scraped my knee a bit. do you have a bandage or something like that, boy?"

he nods.

"yes, my assistant has a first aid kit. yn, can you get it out?" you'd never seen this side of him. was this who he was under that awful exterior? you reached into your bag, looking around until you found the first aid kit. you knelt down beside chris, carefully applying the band-aid over the woman's knee. when you finished, she gave you a big kiss on the cheek before hobbling away.

after she left, the sleek black car you'd called for chris pulled up, and he got inside. as you went to close his door and sit in the shotgun seat, he pulled you into the back. you sat there, pressed into his side. if it was affecting him, he clearly wasn't showing it.

"i, um, didn't know you had that side of you." you said quietly. your boss turned to look at you.

"i just see no need to act like that at work. see, i believe giving somebody respect is the highest blessing you could ever be gifted. i always try to give that to people."

"then why don't you try to act like that at work? junho is older than you, and so is jihyo." you asked. chris sighed.

"work doesn't really count to me. sometimes, kindness doesn't equate to business. this business is cutthroat and if you're sweet and soft, people will take advantage of you. it's sad, yet true." he said firmly, before adding in a softer voice. "i don't love acting like that, though. i feel really bad."

and yet, that was your first implication that there was a heart in christopher bahng's body. a truly beautiful heart it was, like a rose with blooming petals of scarlet and maroon. it was just too far underneath the thorns for some people, including you, to see. and you were determined to scrounge through your things to find a clipper.

while your boss was out meeting with jihyo, you sat in one of the plush sitting chairs, legs crossed, a copy of fyodor dostoyevsky's crime and punishment in your lap. the harrowing tale of raskolnikov's crimes and his fucked-up family bored you out of your mind, but it was the only book in chris' library that you'd actually read. it was pouring rain outside, adding a gentle atmosphere to the room.

chris slammed the door behind him as he entered, obviously annoyed. behind him, junho shot you a sympathetic look.

"what the hell do you think you're doing?" chris snapped. you looked up at him, bored, before flipping the page. "i assigned you a whole bunch of shit to do!"

"and it's done." you replied solemnly. chris sighed, slumping into the seat across from you, resting his head in his hands. after a little while, he peeked through his fingers to stare at you.

"is it actually?" when he realized you were telling the truth, a smile stretched across his face. god, he had dimples?!

"yeah, i couldn't sleep last night, so i pulled an all-nighter and finished it all. now i'm just reading this boring-ass book. it's got a good plot, though." you were rambling, probably a result of your tired brain having trouble functioning. "it's very interesting to me how dostoyevsky portrays the gradual loss of raskolnikov's sanity."

chris quirked an eyebrow. all of a sudden, he turned to junho, who wore a worried expression upon his face. chris’ face was unreadable, before he finally spoke up.

"junho, make sure nobody comes in here for the rest of the day." he ordered. junho scribbled this down.

"sir, what are you thinking- what if jihyo or minho or hell - even the chairman comes? you're not thinking this through. act rationally."

"nobody. comes. in." he repeated firmly. junho sighed, knowing that it was hopeless to try and argue.

"whatever you say, sir." junho sent you a look before leaving. "let's go, yn."

"nope. they're staying here." chris said. it was obvious junho was biting his tongue at the comment, but he didn't push it. after he left, chris turned to you.

"you can sleep on the couch. it's very comfortable. i don't want to disturb you, okay? if you need anything, i'll be at my desk, getting some work done." chris said softly, as if it was a delicate topic. his demeanor had changed so drastically from how he was speaking to junho versus how he spoke to you. you thanked him and laid down, dozing off the second your head hit the pillow. you slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

chris was not okay. he was so sure that it'd be easy as hell, that he could just tune you out, but he couldn't stop looking. your eyes were shut, your lips were slightly parted, and your face was especially serene. he didn't want to think such unprofessional things about his fucking assistant, but god, he couldn't help but daydream about you, looking as tranquil as you did now, beside him in bed one day. maybe he'd chuckle gently as you breathed softly in and out, your face half smushed into the pillow. he'd pull you closer, his arms wrapping around you- he shook his head, fighting off the fantasies.

from the moment junho had brought you into his office - no. from the moment he saw you on that portfolio, a neutral expression upon your beautifully blessed face, it was like the pearl encrusted gates at heaven had opened for him. he had berated himself for this feeling. "you've never even met them, for fuck's sake!" he'd hissed to himself, clenching a fist. "you'll meet them, and they'll turn out to be the biggest bitch you've ever met. wait and see."

and then you didn't.

because god felt like fucking with him, you had the most beautiful personality. a heart of gold with wit and a sharp tongue, paired with your drop-dead gorgeous appearance? you were gonna kill him if you weren't careful.

maybe he just had to distance himself from you, so that these butterflies, this pounding in his heart, all of these symptoms only a crazy person would develop would cease to exist. love was only going to get in the way.

...

as quickly as chris’ affection came for you, it slipped away, as if it were the final months of summer before weeks of cold.

you didn’t want to admit it, but the soft side of chris pushed you over the edge. beneath his layers of cold, hard steel was this truly gentle heart, and you couldn’t get that out of your head. not only was he...devilishly handsome, he had a golden heart to go along with it? plus, he was rich. package deal.

however, after the day when you slept in his office, you rarely saw him anymore. he gave you lots and lots of desk work, leaving you confined to the office building to look over projects and finances for him.

"i'm your assistant, mr. bahng. i should be by your side when you need it." you'd tried to argue. you wanted to be closer. you wanted him to show you that side of him nobody else saw. but he shook his head, biting his lip.

"that's junho's job. he's my secretary. you're my assistant. nothing more, nothing less. get back to work." the words impaled you in the heart, poison upon the arrow's tip. you looked away to fight your tears.

"alright." you said quietly. "i'll get back to work. promise." you left his office, shoes clicking on the floor as you rushed to junho's desk to tell him what happened.

out of anybody at the company, junho was your closest confidant. he was an older brother to you, guiding you along as you navigated the churning waters that essentially was the company. he was also your therapist. (not really unpaid or anything, you'd get him coffee in the mornings as a thank you for putting up with you.)

as always, junho's words of advice were your lighthouse in this grey haze chris had induced upon you. one cloudy thursday, a week or two later, you walked into work, stepped into the sleek metal elevator, and shot to the top. junho was working at his desk, typing away almost robotically.

"i brought you your coffee." you grinned, setting it on his desk. "brewed just the way you like it, jun. the barista says hi, by the way." at once, his face lit up.

"god, you're a lifesaver! i've been so out of it this morning. i love you to pieces, yn." junho was so relieved he got up, giving you a tight hug before chugging the coffee down in a few sips. "which barista?"

as you launched off into the story, you had absolutely no idea chris had been there, leaning against the wall, hearing every single thing. sure, it was "eavsdropping", but then again, he was the president. who could fire him? (jyp could.) chris thought your relationship with junho was...odd, to say the least. he'd tried convincing himself it was platonic. it had to be. there was no way you'd be with someone like junho! he'd been with a lot of people, last time chris checked. what if you were the next to have your heart carelessly crushed by the elegant sole of junho's burberry shoe? chris didn't like the idea of that one bit.

he was supposed to be distancing himself from you, not falling even harder for you. and he knew junho was a good person, he'd been close with chris for many, many years. and yet, just looking at the warm smile on junho's face as you rambled made chris want to smack it off him.

"i should get back to work." he sighed, turning around and slamming his office door shut. he wanted to go out there so bad, but he knew it was for the best to remain mature.

"was that chris slamming his door? don't tell me he's still in a mood." you huffed, and junho raised an eyebrow at you.

"you wanna talk about it? we can go out to dinner, my treat. i can help you choose something to say to confront him tomorrow morning, okay?"

you smiled, patting junho on the shoulder. "your siblings are so lucky."

chris wasn't stalking you, per se, he just saw you get into junho's car after work. as he watched junho lead you into the restaurant, figurative steam shot out of his ears. he'd be damned if he was going to lose you to his secretary. he'd deduced that this distancing thing was not a great idea, as you two had only been growing closer and him attempting to grow apart from you only upped his longing. and he would fight, kicking and screaming for you. you'd left an imprint on his soul, one he could try and wash off again and again, but it was like a tattoo. and you weren't getting away from him that easily.

you slept really well that night, prepared to confront your boss. you'd even gotten to work early, chatting idly with chaeryeong as she set up her things for the day. however, her intercom went off, resounding with a very familiar australian voice.

"is yn with you?" chris asked.

"oh, yes, sir," chaeryeong said quickly and frantically. she wasn't used to the president using the intercom so casually. she'd told you at most usually jihyo or minho used it. "what about them?"

"they're needed in my office. asap." his voice was firm, final. chaeryeong wished you luck, taking your hand in hers and squeezing it tightly. as you stepped into the same elevator you rode every day, it felt like it was shrinking. why were you scared? you were going to march in there and tell him everything.

when you made it to his office, he was leaning against his desk, wearing a black pinstripe jacket over his black button-up. he didn't notice you coming in, but when he did his gaze zeroed in on your expression.

"come, close the door and sit down."

you felt like a child being scolded, as you shut the doors behind you. as you sat down in the chair, chris sighed, massaging his temples.

"i'd like to remind you, it is not a good idea to have a relationship with a co-worker. it's a horrid idea, frankly." you tilted your head, confused. what was he talking about?

"what are you going on about?" you asked him, genuine confusion in your voice.

"i'm saying, please think about being in a relationship with junho. he's much older than you, and if you break up with him you'll have to see him every day, and i've heard he's a player-"

"wait, mr. bahng...are you jealous?" you asked incredulously, and chris looked away, the tips of his ears red. "oh my god, you are."

"shut up!" he said, sounding like a child, eliciting a laugh out of you.

"mr. bahng...i hope you know i'm not dating junho. he's thirty-three, for fuck's sake! he's like a brother to me. and i thought we fucking had something, you know, but then you decided to just push me away as if i was some replaceable assistant of yours."

chan groaned, slumping against his desk.

"don't play around with my feelings." he hissed.

"i'd never." you protested. his eyes met yours. time slowed to a halt as you lost yourself in his gaze. when his lips parted to speak, you were in a trance.

"i hope you mean that, i really do." he sighed. "everything i have done so far has been for you. from the moment i saw your picture, i thought you'd be dangerous to bring in because i wouldn't be able to keep myself away from you. i prayed that you'd at least have some nasty personality, but of course you had to walk in here as the most lovely person i've ever met. i want to hold you in my arms, i want to kiss you until your lips are swollen and bruised, i want to feel your palm against mine. you are a sword, and your essence is the poison upon it. and god, i would ingest every drop. i would stab my heart just so my arteries and blood vessels could be flooded with the very idea of you. i am a drought, you are the spring rain. if i am a body, falling apart after being mutilated, you are asclepius, healing my broken body with your gentle, golden touch. i will lay here, pliant and void as you carefully thread your silver needle and stitch me back together. what have you done to me?"

you didn't know what to do. your boss, who you had impromptu feelings for, had just confessed to you.

so you grabbed him by the tie, pulling in for a kiss. your lips crashed together and you gave him a second to decide if he wanted this or not, before his hand grabbed the back of your head his lips met yours with a fiery passion that was not there the first time. your hands went to the wood of the desk and he flipped you around, lifting you up onto the desk. his large hands slid down to your hips as you opened your mouth slightly, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth. after making out you were panting, he moved his fixation to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your skin. his hands moved up to unbutton the top of your shirt, allowing himself better access to your collarbone. as he bit down slightly, a yelp escaping your lips. he looked up at you.

"i'm going to make you make that sound again. and again. and again." he said lowly, his lips finding their place on your body again.

that is, until a knock sounded on the door, echoing throughout the office.

"mr. bahng? it's jihyo. do you have a minute?" chris stared at you, his eyes wide, before ushering you into the office's bathroom and shutting the door. while you waited for jihyo to finish talking to him, you checked out your appearance in the mirror.

you had a growing bruise right beneath your collarbone.

"you can come out now." chris' voice sounded from the other side of the door. you opened it, pointing to your fresh bruise. his mouth dropped open.

"i am so sorry-" he began, laughing. his cheeks were rosy. it looked good on him, you thought to yourself. but you felt better knowing it was the product of your flirtations.

"it's okay, at least it can be hidden by my shirt." you sighed, and chris went to wrap an arm around your waist. "you're coming on very strong, christopher."

"i know. but you love it." he grinned. "and please, call me chan. it's my korean name."

"it's beautiful. your mother named you well."

you decided then and there that everything the universe put you through was for this moment. the endless stairs to the top ended with a man as lovely as chris falling for you. there was no need for luck or any sort of manifestations you'd slave over, wishing and waiting for them to come true. you were happy. that was all that mattered.

...

you laid on the couch, a blanket over your shivering body. you didn't want to call in sick, you'd been in the midst of such an important project, but chris insisted it was for your own good. you downed your mug of lukewarm green tea, which did absolutely nothing to soothe your dry throat. the door to your apartment opened, and chris walked in, carrying a large bag.

"okay, so i've got some decongestants, cough medicine, chicken noodle soup, more tea bags, tissues, and saline." he said, counting on his fingers. "oh, and i got you that candy you said you were craving.

your lips stretched upward at his words, and you rolled over to face him.

"you seem a bit better than yesterday," he smiled, his dimples showing as he knelt down beside you. "still, rest up and let me do all the heavy lifting. i want you to recover fully."

"you don't need to baby me, though." you whined, embarrassingly sounding very much like a child. it was definitely from the sickness. chris chuckled at your comment. "don't laugh at me, channie!"

"i'm not, i'm not. there's a different between taking care of you and babying you, y'know." he brushed a stray hair of yours out of your face, giving you a soft kiss on your cheek. his lips brushing against your skin was always the best feeling.

"i'm gonna get you sick..." you said softly, and he shook his head.

"if i get sick, i did it nursing the love of my life back to health. it's a worthy sacrifice, don't you think?"

you truly hoped and prayed with all your being that instead of praying at the altar, your hands would be wrapped around chan's tightly standing there. you'd look for him in the sun, the moon, the sky, and the stars. in the deepest parts of the sea and the highest peaks of the himalayas.

the gods had bestowed you with the gift that was christopher bahng, and you would cherish him, forever and evermore.

taglist: @hyunbae-35 , @backintomykpopphaseagain , @imastraykidsfan , @mal-lunar-28 , @elizaschuyler18 , @stateofdelicategrace , @lillithathecat

#ren writes!! <3 #evermourning #stray kids #skz #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #bang chan #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #bang chan skz #gn!reader #lovertober <3

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wonwoonlight · 2 years

Text

shiny star | lee seokmin

➝ Seokmin x Reader

➝ shiny star!au // university!au // non idol!au // strangers to lovers // fluff // slice of life

➝ word count: 5.3k~

➝ warning: curses, food.

➝ inspired by: Shiny Star (2020) - KyoungSeo

➝ shiny star playlist

➝ Shiny Star masterlist (can be read as standalone)

Seungcheol // Jeonghan // Joshua // Junhui // Soonyoung // Wonwoo // Jihoon // Seokmin // Mingyu // Minghao // Seungkwan // Hansol // Chan

A/N: in an ideal world, this would drop on 18 February 2022 00:00 KST and be proofread. alas, this world is nothing but ideal. happy late birthday seokmin, it's been long since i write anything so i hope this is... okay. enjoy.

A/N 2: shoutout to @twogyuu and @lily-blue who share the same birthday as our precious boys <3

널 좋아하는 내 마음이 표현이 안 돼 the way I like you can't be expressed 꿈이 아니면 좋겠어 자꾸 웃음 나와 I hope this isn't a dream, I keep on laughing

[✾✾✾]

Seokmin has never liked people whispering.

It makes him feel like he’s out of loop and sometimes it feels like they’re whispering about him. He doesn’t like it even more when he catches people whispering with each other without trying to be subtle; why bother whispering then? Might as well just talk loudly if they’re going to make someone uncomfortable one way or another. Why make them anxious for no reason?

That said, he’s very annoyed right now because the group on the table next to him is clearly snickering to each other about someone in his class, whispering to themselves (even though he can still hear parts of their conversations that he doesn’t want to be a part of) as they not so subtly point at someone in front of the class.

Seokmin truly wishes whoever they’re pointing at, this person doesn’t notice because at least they’re not facing each other.

…always by herself. Tsk. She probably thinks she’s above everyone.

True. Just because she’s top of the class and everything. No wonder she doesn’t have friends.

Have you ever seen her talk to anyone in class?

No. I;m pretty sure she–

And he puts on his earphones and drowns their voices, turning up the song so he wouldn’t have to listen to whatever bullshit they’re spewing anymore. It works, but his eyes travel to the girl sitting by herself on the second row up in front; her body slumped forward as she leaned on her arms.

Cruel how one can stay silent and people would still make shit up somehow.

[✾✾✾]

The next time Seokmin comes to class, his eyes find the same girl on the same seat, this time with earphones on and hand busy scribbling something on her notebook.

He also notices the same girls seating a few rows behind, whispering and pointing like no one else can see what they’re doing. It irks him, but he’s never been one to confront people and act heroic; so he does what he can in his own way, makes his way next to the girl and sits on the empty seat right next to hers.

The whispering seems to stop, if only for a few seconds. And when the faint hushes continue, he assumes it’s for a different reason.

“Is it… okay to sit here?” He asks, albeit a little late.

You look so startled, as if not expecting anyone to be addressing you–let alone sit on the empty seat next to you when there are obviously lots of empty ones on the back.

“Umm… Yeah, sure.”

He beams even though you seem like you’re still not sure how to interact with him.

“I’m Seokmin, by the way. It’s too noisy in the back nowadays, figured I should try sitting in front.”

This seems to satisfy you, as you nod and offer him your name, and Seokmin pats himself in the back when you take out your earphones and put them back in their case. This means you’re not against him being there, right?

The awkwardness that follows is a little hard to swallow, but he forces another question after a painful three seconds for the both of you.

“You always sit in front, don’t you?”

You shrug then repeat what he exactly just said a while ago. “It has always been noisy in the back for me.”

And the conversation stops again.

You don’t look like you don’t want to talk to him though, just very unsure about what to say and Seokmin will take that as a win. Thankfully, Professor Kim comes in just in time and starts the class almost immediately after. It’s a hit or miss when it comes to his class, and sometimes it’s such a big miss that Seokmin regrets taking History of English Literature as an elective, cursing Wonwoo for saying this course was easy and he didn’t have to do much.

The thing about Professor Kim is that he speaks quite fast and his power point sucks. He explains well, but sometimes Seokmin struggles following his pace that he’d miss words in his notes. He sighs as this happens yet again, then his gaze ends up on your notes and he must’ve gasped audibly because you turn to give him a questioning look.

“Your notes are… very nice.” is the only thing he dumbly manages to say.

“Thank you…?” You blink in confusion then, without meaning to, turn to look at his notes. You hold back a wince at how messy it is, though you appreciate the fact that he’s trying and he’s here to actually learn something. “Do you… need help?”

With the way he looks at you, you might as well be offering the world to him. Damn, you’ve never seen someone who looks so much like a harmless puppy.

“You’d do that?”

You shrug, telling him you don’t mind. You’ve always liked helping people study, but no one except for Jennie and Jimin ever asked for your help. Even those two hesitated at first and only gathered enough courage to ask you after you got close.

“Can we talk after class?”

“Sure.”

And that’s how you end up here one hour later, still in the classroom even though everyone else has left. Seokmin, as it turns out, is not very good when it comes to speed writing. You went through his notes for a bit after class ended, and you pressed your lips together to hold back whatever you wanted to say because you don’t know this guy enough to see if he’d get offended.

Well, whatever. You were the one who offered to help, anyway, and he does look very harmless of a person.

“How do you want me to help?”

“Mmh…” Now that you put it that way, what was he expecting of you? “I either miss his explanation or miss writing things down because he speaks quite fast. So it’s always one or the other and I always end up borrowing someone’s note or asking a friend to explain it again after class.”

You seem to consider this for a bit, lips pursing in thought as you focus on his notes and Seokmin takes that time to finally, finally look at you. How has he never noticed you before? You’re not the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life, but you’re definitely attractive and you’re most definitely his style.

You have a lot of piercings on your left ear, he notices (because your right one is covered by your hair), and when his eyes wander to your lips, he realizes that they are on the smaller side and it’s then that he snaps out of his gaze because your lips are moving and he barely registers whatever’s coming out of them.

“–tomorrow?”

“Sorry?” He smiles sheepishly. God, you’re so going to think this is why he’s bad at taking notes, that he’s bad at concentrating and you’re going to regret offering him help.

Unexpectedly, you let out a huff of amusement before repeating your words, not a speck of annoyance in your eyes.

“I said I already have plans today so I’m not sure I can help you as much as I’d like to. Would it be okay if we see each other tomorrow?”

The ‘yes!’ that comes out of his mouth is way too fast that he’s almost embarrassed, but seeing the way your face scrunches up in amusement is worth it and he quickly asks for your number so he can text you tomorrow. He feels like a high school boy all of sudden, heart giddy as he patiently waits for you to punch in your number into his phone.

Seokmin bites back a smile as he looks at your contact even minutes after you left the room, saying goodbye with the prettiest smile and a small wave.

[✾✾✾]

“I want to try this katsu place.” Jimin announces his presence before he plops down on the empty seat in front of you, though neither you or Jennie look up from your phones. “And because you brats don’t have manners, you two are coming with me. No choice whatsoever.”

Jennie groans, but still asks when and where, finally putting her phone down to give him the time of her day. You listen to the conversation, not really in the mood to join in their usual banter because you honestly just want to take a nap but you already bailed on them three times this month so you have to be here now.

You value your life more than that. You’re not risking Jennie and Jimin taking your life with their bare hands if you miss another hang out.

“Somewhere in Yeonnam. And I want to try immediately. So, lunch tomorrow.”

“Can’t.” You sigh, then glare at Jimin when he dramatically whispers that you finally put down your phone. “Promised someone I’d help them with this subject.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. This guy from my History of Literature class.” You pause. “But you guys can go ahead and try the katsu place without me if you want.” When you look up to meet their stares, you wince and sit straight on your seat. “...or not. Reschedule or we can have late lunch? I should be finished at 2 ish.”

“Late lunch it is.” Jimin grins, clapping his hands together in satisfaction. “And I’m picking you up. I’m not letting you bail last minute for whatever reason.”

[✾✾✾]

“Do you want me to be completely honest?” You end up going straight to it. Seokmin looks soft-hearted, and you mean it in the best way possible, but for someone as curt as you are, it’s not always easy to thread around someone like him. You don’t want to offend him by accident, but you don’t know him enough so you suppose you don’t really have any choice but to go straight to the point and see from there.

“...sure.”

“I think it’s less about you not paying attention, but more about you not used to writing… umm… summarized notes?”

Seokmin tilts his head, and the way his eyes are trying to find answers in yours almost make you blush, so you clear your throat and pretend to point at something on his notes.

“You don’t need to write down every single word he’s saying. Just the keywords.” You start off, making sure he’s listening. And once you’re sure he’s grasped what you say next about taking notes, you continue to go through the subject and parts that he still doesn’t quite understand.

It goes on like that for about 40 minutes, which is already more than you expected it to be. You thought Seokmin would be the type that would take breaks every fifteen minutes, even for a bit, but he’s been so focused on studying that you actually feel a little touched that he’s taking this seriously.

You have always had a soft spot for people who work hard, and even though you don’t know which major Seokmin is actually taking, you know this course is just something he takes for the credits. Perhaps he thought it’d be easy? That’s the general impression people have when it comes to literature.

Whatever it is, you appreciate him working hard right now.

You jump when your phone buzzes with notifications, and when you look at it, it’s the group chat blowing up yet again.

[13:36] Kim Jennie: we’re meeting at 3 right???

[13:36] Kim Jennie: am like 30 mins away from yeonnam so i’ll head out at 2 30

[13:43] Jiminnie: ok ok

[13:44] Jiminnie: where u at @yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: ynnnnnn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn answer me😡😡😡

[13:45] STOP wtf

[13:45] Jiminnie: YN😡😡

[13:46] Jiminnie: oh youre here

[13:46] Kim Jennie: yes jimin wtf?? I’m muting you guys

[13:46] Jiminnie: not my fault she’s not answering???

[13:47] Have you considered that some of us have something to do????

[13:47] I told you I’m tutoring this guy from my class

[13:47] And I’m in the Central Building, you’re really picking me up?

[13:50] Jiminnie: yes 🥰

[13:50] Jiminnie: brought my car with me today

[13:50] Hooo nice. Then please get me some boba while you’re at it <3 Thank you, mwah

[13:51] Yeonnam is only like 10 minutes away by car tho right??

[13:51] I’ll wrap up my tutoring session at 4.30 then

You look up when you hear Seokmin groan from your side, cracks his neck then straightens his back.

“Let’s take a ten minute break?” You offer, and his appreciative groan makes you chuckle that he scrunches his nose in embarrassment. You look through your bag to see if you have some snack, and when you find a chocolate bar you tap his shoulder and offer it to him.

“You sure?” He asks like you’re giving him some kinda expensive gift.

“You deserve it.” You shrug. “I’ve never seen someone so focused on this subject.”

“That’s a compliment… right?”

“Definitely.” The grin you send his way is enough to make him grin too, and Seokmin thanks you once again before taking the chocolate and immediately breaking it into two. “Oh, thank you.”

He looks at you weirdly, though the smile doesn’t fall from his face. “This is literally your chocolate, why are you thanking me?”

“I gave it to you though. So it’s yours.”

“Yeah, but it’s still originally yours?”

“Do you want the chocolate or not?”

“Right. Sorry.” He pretends to sulk, but the smile in his face betrays the whole act and you end up laughing with Seokmin before your phone buzzes again, making you jump once again. Seriously, you never get used to the sound of electronic devices vibrating against any surface.

Your phone lights up, Jimin’s message on top of your screen.

[13:55] Jiminnie: you’re lucky i love you

Next to you, Seokmin tenses. Why, he’s not sure.

“Boyfriend?” He says before he knows it, and when you look at him in surprise, he clears his throat and gives you a hesitant smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to look. I thought it was my phone vibrating and I accidentally looked at your text.”

“It’s fine.” You shrug, understanding that it could happen. “And no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

And you leave it at that, not giving him any explanation because, frankly, you don’t owe him any. You don’t seem to notice Seokmin’s curious and lingering gaze though, and you start another topic as you ask about his major instead.

You end up talking for more than ten minutes, because conversation falls easily with Seokmin. You’ve always liked making new friends and talking to people despite your way of talking, but approaching someone and talking to them first is a personal fear of yours that you don’t think you’d get over anytime soon.

That said, Seokmin seems like a very sweet person and talking to him proves that your assumption has been right. He’s not overly chatty, but you can tell he’s passionate about certain topics and he’s very attentive to what you’re saying even though you’re just talking about some random episode you remember happening in retrospect to something he said.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone as sincere as he is.

[14:32] Jiminnie: you finished? Am gonna arrive in front of the central building in 5 mins

“Oh.” You blink at his text. Huh. It’s already half past two? Didn’t you just take a ten minute break right before two?

Seokmin looks at you in worry, and when he asks if something’s wrong, you give him a small smile and lock your phone again. “Sorry, I promised to have lunch with my friends at 3 and I need to leave in a bit.”

Friends, huh? He wonders if you’re just saying it. But he can’t deny the bitter feeling on the tip of his tongue as he remembers ‘Jiminnie’ once again and the text he saw. But, then again, doesn’t it make sense that someone as attractive as you to have a boyfriend already? Or someone who’s close to being one?

His mind suddenly takes him to the girls snickering about you; the absolute bullshit of assumptions they’ve been spewing about you. They don’t know how fun you actually are, and even though you can be blunt with your words, even from the short time he’s spent with you, he can tell that you’re very considerate. You seem to know when to stop yourself before saying anything too blunt.

“Seokmin? Are you not going to tidy up?” You ask when you realize he’s been zoning off, your fingers hovering over your phone screen.

“Huh. Right.” He wonders if he should just leave or study a little more, not that he wants to at this point. Maybe he can text Seungkwan and the others to see if they’re still in uni. “Where are you having lunch?”

“Oh! My friend wants to try this katsu place in Yeonnam so we’re going there.” You pause and wonder if Jennie and Jimin would mind you inviting him to your lunch date. Seokmin seems nice enough, though you’re not sure just yet if he’ll mix well with your little circle. Hmmm, maybe next time. “You going somewhere?”

Seokmin shrugs. “Not sure yet. I’ll try texting my friends to see if they’re still around, I don’t really feel like going home just yet.”

Should you just invite him?

“Do you w–”

“Heyyy!” A familiar place echoes through the classroom, Jimin’s happy grin peeking from the door. When he realizes you’re not by yourself, he blinks and stands straight before making his way to your table and places the boba you asked for then greets Seokmin with a friendly smile. “Oh. Hi! Sorry, I thought you’re by yourself.”

You look at the drink with twinkles in your eyes, and hug him a little from the side as a thank you.

“I’m Jimin, by the way.” He kindly offers his hand with a smile, and Seokmin returns the gesture as he introduces himself. He takes the guy in and wonders if this is the kind of guy you’re into, or if he really is just a friend. He knows he shouldn’t assume, but, then again, he always tends to do that when he’s interested in someone. Everyone feels like a competition.

Wait.

Is he interested in you?

“Oh! You’re friends with Hansol, aren’t you?” The older guy exclaims once he realizes why Seokmin looks familiar. “I think I’ve seen you around with him before.”

“Oh, yeah, I am. How do you know Hansol?” He really doesn’t feel like talking to Jimin at this point, but he doesn’t want to be rude and it’s not like he’s done anything to piss him off. He seems nice, if anything. Seriously, he needs to get his mind together.

“A friend of a friend. I need to hang out with him one of these days.” He trails off on his own, when he notices you finish organizing your stuff, he asks if you’re ready to go. “It’s nice meeting you, Seokmin! I’ll see you around.”

He returns the sentiments, giving him a forced smile that’s hopefully not too strained. His smile softens when he sees you though, and you shyly wave at him, whispering a ‘I’ll see you in class’ before you leave with Jimin.

Damn, he’s already in deeper than he thought he was.

[✾✾✾]

It becomes a routine for you to meet and just hang out with each other after Professor Kim’s class. The first few meetings, you mostly studied and would talk from time to time during breaks. But at some point, you end up just talking with so little studying on the side.

Seokmin seems to be better at taking notes nowadays, and the fact that you’re helping him probably contributes a lot to him understanding better too. Objectively speaking, your notes are really easy to understand and you’ve kindly offered him to study together if he's up for it.

Why wouldn't he be?

"I don't think I can study today," you say as soon as you sit next to him in class. That's become a routine too, one that, thankfully, has made the whispering die down even though it still happens from time to time.

“It’s fine,” he reassures you, something inside him flips at the fact that you feel the need to apologize even though it’s not like you’ve both promised to meet each other every week. It’s been… what, almost two months? Wow, has he really been constantly hanging out with you for two months straight? “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Jimin wanna go somewhere and he decides that I’m going with him.” You scrunch your nose in mock annoyance.

After two months of hanging out with you and Jimin popping in out of nowhere from time to time, Seokmin realizes that he really is nothing but a friend. You’d sometimes complain about his tendency to drag you and your other friend (whose name you’ve yet mentioned) without really giving you any choice to refuse. Though, most of the time, you do end up having fun so it’s just a reflex for you at this point to complain just for the sake of it.

Judging from the way you talk about him and the few times he’s seen you with the older guy, Seokmin has had his own share of close girl friends to know that you really do consider Jimin as a friend and nothing more.

“Did he at least tell you this time where you’re going?” He grins.

“Nope. This is the only thing he said.” You say as you show him your phone, a pout in your face.

[09:07] Jiminnie: lunch today.

[09:07] Jiminnie: i know none of u r busy, so.

[09:08] Jiminnie: will see u guys in the usual place at 2 <3

Seokmin laughs at that, then shows you a meme Hansol sent to the group chat some time ago that reminds him exactly of the situation you’re in. After talking so much with Seokmin, you’ve realized that you share almost not one single interest with him. Your preferences in movies, music, or TV shows are all different, but you’ve found out that your humor code when it comes to memes are exactly the same that you’ve also started sending each other memes on Instagram.

The texting has become a routine too for you two. And while he doesn’t really see you a lot around campus because your faculty’s building is on the opposite side of the campus with his, he’d see you from time to time in the campus’ park, making your way somewhere.

If he’s to be completely honest, he’s been trying to find a good time to ask you out on a date. Yes, you’ve spent a lot of time together, just the two of you, but it has never felt like a date because it’s become a routine and Seokmin wants something special.

Do you feel the same though?

What if you don’t? Will this scare you off?

No, you’re not that kind of person, he believes. If you’re not into him, you’d probably politely reject him and go on as usual. He doesn’t think you’re the type to ghost a friend just because of something like this.

The thought eases him a bit, but it still scares him a little. Perhaps he should start thinking about where to invite you first before asking you to go on a date.

“Something on your mind?” You offer him a comforting smile, one that makes his heart melt every single time.

He shakes his head though, telling you it’s nothing.

“Okay. Just know I’ll listen if you need someone, okay?”

His chest warms at your words, and a full smile blooms on his face as he nods and thanks you, his gaze piercing into yours.

“I’ll keep it in mind. But it’s really nothing, don’t worry.”

You hope Seokmin doesn’t notice the way your cheeks heat up at the way he’s looking at you.

[✾✾✾]

“You’ve been hanging out with Seokmin a lot, haven’t you?” Jimin starts the moment all of your food are served in front of you, the waiter leaving your table barely a second ago.

“I told you I’ve been helping him study.” You try to play it cool, shrugging with nonchalance. Anyone else would believe your act, really, but these two know you too well to be fooled by your faux indifference.

Jimin narrows his eyes at you, but before he can say anything, Jennie cuts him off saying, “I think he’s friends with my cousin. A pretty close one, at that.”

“Oh? Is he cool? He seems nice the few times I’ve met him. A little too nice, to be honest, but he does seem the type.”

“I… don’t talk to my cousin enough to know.” She smiles sheepishly.

“Why did you even bring it up then…”

“Well, my cousin doesn’t really make friends because he’s quiet. And he’s pretty… uh, choosy when it comes to people he associates himself with, so I think it means something that they’re close.”

“Can we move on to the next topic?” You urge with an innocent smile. You don’t even know what you feel for him, really, but you know for sure you like hanging out with the guy and you’re more conscious of yourself when it comes to him. A part of you wants to keep on talking to him, and sometimes you find yourself wondering how would it feel like to just… go around campus with him by yourself. It’s such a small thing to wonder about, but even that itself is enough to make you bite back a smile.

“No. Not until you–”

“Jen?” A deep voice calls for her, and you’re about to thank whoever’s listening up there for the interruption only to freeze when you look up, because Seokmin is there, together with… whoever these people are.

“Oh, Wonwoo, hi.” She waves and greets everyone in his party, apparently familiar with all of them. You share a smile with Seokmin, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jimin. He grins to himself before standing up to greet a familiar face behind Wonwoo.

“Hansol, man! Been a long time.” He meets him in a half hug, nodding at Seokmin before turning to Wonwoo. “Hi! I’m Jimin. You’re Jennie’s cousin? Why don’t you join all of us here?”

Wonwoo looks at his friends, but none of them says anything so he shrugs and says ‘sure’. Asking the waiter to put the tables together, Wonwoo and Hansol go to order while Seokmin is left with Seungkwan at the table.

Naturally, Seokmin sits next to you and Seungkwan on his other side. Seungkwan introduces himself, and Jennie takes the role to introduce you and Jimin before the younger guy launches into different topics to find mutual grounds.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here.” Seokmin says lowly, his voice only for you to hear.

“I know right,” you murmur back, somewhat shy to be talking to him in front of your and his friends. You’re not embarrassed of him by any means, but there’s just something so embarrassing about being perceived together with him when you know Jimin already has ideas on his mind.

The feeling is pleasant, but you can’t help but turn bashful.

Your eyes meet Jimin’s, and when he raises an eyebrow just to mess with you, you glare at him in hope he’ll shut his mouth.

“So, Seokmin,” he starts, blatantly ignoring your pleading eyes. “You’ve been hanging out with our Y/N here a lot, yeah?”

“She’s been helping me study Professor Kim’s class. She’s really great at teaching, really.” He shrugs, unsure how else to address his current… situation with you. What was he supposed to say, anyway? That he’s currently looking into the right time and place to ask you on a date?

“She is, she is.” Jimin nods in agreement, chewing on his fries. “I think she mentioned his class wasn’t pleasant though. Something about people being nosy. Is it true?”

“Jimin.” You frown at him, not expecting him to take that route. You knew it still bothers him, but you thought he has let it go once you said you now have Seokmin with you in class. He’s always been protective when it comes to you and Jennie, and you had let it slip some time ago that you considered dropping Professor Kim’s classes because some people just wouldn’t shut their mouth while you’re just there to study.

“What? I just want to know if it’s true.”

Seokmin looks at the two of you, something in him breaks a little at the fact that, apparently, you know that there are people whispering about you.

“I’m…” He considers pretending not to know, but he doesn’t think that’d help and decides being honest would be best. “Yeah, I think so. That’s why I started sitting in front, actually.”

This is the first time you’re hearing this also, and the way you snap your neck to face him would be funny if not for the current topic and the atmosphere at hand.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It gets really annoying even for me.” He shrugs like it’s nothing. Because it’s really not. Sometimes he wishes he has it in him to talk to those girls and tell them to shut up, that they don’t have the rights to talk shit about people, that they’re being a nuisance and they should stop.

But he doesn’t. And he feels like a coward at times for being so soft-hearted.

Jimin hums and drops the topic though, seemingly satisfied for whatever reason. The topic moves to another one, though you don’t really join in because you’re not in the mood after the talk earlier.

Is that why Seokmin sat next to you at first?

You bite your lip as you collect your thoughts together, and when Seokmin nudges you and asks if you’re okay, you try to reassure him that you’re fine and thank him for asking. It’s almost an hour later that you’re outside to get some air, everyone’s finished eating, but they decide they want to talk some more so you excuse yourself out for a bit.

You don’t need to look up to know it’s Seokmin who’s followed you out, and you smile at him when you meet his eyes.

“You’re really okay?” He asks once again just in case.

“Mmm… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is that… really why you sat next to me that day?”

Seokmin doesn’t like that he’s not sure how to decipher your feelings. Are you upset? Are you thankful? Are you indifferent?

“Yeah. I noticed some people whispering and it irked me.” He admits softly, his eyes moving away from yours. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell them to shut up and stood up for you instead.”

“What? No, Seokmin, I want to thank you for even doing what you did.” You reach for his hand despite the loud beating in your chest, cheeks heating up once again when you feel him squeezing your hand. “And for sticking around after that. I didn’t expect anyone to do anything, actually. So what you did is more than enough.”

He squeezes your hand once again, then remembers something that Jimin said a while ago.

“You considered dropping the class because of it?”

“Yeah… I was thinking about dropping it that day, actually. But you sat next to me and… yeah.” You scrunch your nose adorably, looking down at your hand wrapped against his.

His face breaks into a smile at your words, and his thumb caresses your skin before he decides to just go fuck it right there.

“You want to go on a date with me?”

[✾✾✾]

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pupsmailbox · 7 months

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CAT ︰FELINE ID PACK

NAMES ⌇　abby. aina. aislin. amaris. apricity. artemis. aspen. aster. aylin. babi. bell. bella. ben. bennett. benny. boo. bristle. buddy. buttercup. calico. callie. cat. cataka. catalyn. catarine. cataura. cate. catelynn. caterina. catherine. catlyn. catnip. catra. catriel. catrin. catriona. charlotte. chat. chatters. cheshette. cheshire. chompo. citrie. claw. clawrina. clementine. cleo. coco. cole. cozie. critter. dessie. diana. diona. dippin. ditzy. dots. dreametta. drowsette. edur. eira. elara. fang. fausta. faustette. faustina. felicity. felina. feline. felisha. felix. fennec. ferri. fluff. fluffie. fluffles. fluffy. fortune. freya. fur. furayah. furina. furona. gato. gatto. gianna. gigi. ginger. hiraya. hissan. holly. hyacinth. hypnoticesse. iris. izzy. jett. jinx. kalico. kat. kataka. katalyn. katarina. katashi. kate. katelinn. katelyn. katharine. kathayani. katherina. kathi. kathirah. kathita. kathleen. kathrine. kathryn. katika. katilyn. katinah. katinka. katlin. katrina. katsen. katte. kattie. katzchen. katze. kelly. kettlingur. kismet. kit. kitti. kittie. kitty. kizzy. korat. kot. kote. kuting. kyathi. lawler. layla. lee. leo. leon. leonardo. lil. lilith. lily. lioness. lionette. liora. loki. lola. lottie. luckitty. lucky. lucy. lumi. luna. lunar. lunette. lynx. maine. mao. maola. maoli. maolia. maolmin. marie. mau. meowesse. meowli. meowy. mew. mewlina. mewy. midnight. milka. milo. missy. mist. misty. mitten. mittens. mizuki. mona. moonie. morphius. nala. napolean. narcyz. narkissa. neko, nemuri. neoma. neomi. nepeta. nevada. noir. nyamu. nyasia. nyx. olwen. onyx. oreo. orpheus. owen. paris. pawelek. pawleen. pawline. paws. popoki. poppy. prince. princess. pumpkin. purresse. purrette. purriette. purrlina. purrse. ragdoll. ravae. river. ruby. scar. selene. selenia. shade. sleepesse. stitch. stripe. sunny. sunrise. sunshine. sylvester. sylvie. tab. tabby. tabitha. thimble. tigris. tilly. tiny. tom. treat. valorie. vulpes. whisker. whiskers. willow. yue. yume.

PRONOUNS ⌇　(=^･ω･^=)/(=^･ω･^=). /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\//ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ. :3/:3. >:3/:>:3. >:3/>:3. >ww<. ^^/^^. ^^/^^. ^w^/^w^. ado/adore. ash/ash. aw/warm. bell/bell. bit/bit. bite/bite. ble/bless. blizz/blizzard. bow/bow. box/box. ca/cat. calm/calm. candle/candle. car/caracal. carni/vora. cat/cat. cat/nip. caterwaul/cayerwaul. catnip/catnip. cha/chase. chan/chance. chase/chase. chatter/chatter. cheer/cheerful. cher/cher. chew/chew. chom/chomp. chub/chub. cla/claw. claw/claw. claw/clawed. cli/climb. collar/collar. cookie/cookie. cozy/cozy. cu/cute. cud/cuddle. cuddle/cuddle. cute/cute. cute/cutie. dark/dark. des/destiny. dream/dream. drow/drowsy. eep/eepy. ey/em fa/fate. fang/fang. fay/fem fe/line. fel/feline. feli/dae. feli/feline. feline/feline. fi/fish. fish/fish. fleur/fleur. fli/flip. flick/flicker. floof/fluff. fluff/fluff. fluffy/fluffy. for/fortune. fri/friend. fu/fur. fur/fur. fu/fuzz. fuzz/fuzz. ga/to. gloom/gloomy. happ/happy. hi/his. hiss/hiss. ho/hop. hope/ful. hu/hunt. hunt/hunt. hunter/hunter. hy/hymn. hyp/hype. intro/vert. jagu/jaguar. ju/jump. kat/kat. kit/kit. kit/kitten. kit/kitty kit/kitty. knea/knead. kya/kya. lawl/law. lawl/lawl. leap/leap. lion/lion. lu/luck. luv/luv. lynx/lynx. mao/mao. me/meow. meo/meow. meow/meow. mew/meow. mew/mew. miau/miau. miew/miow. mil/milk. milk/milk. mimimi/mimimi. mlem/mlem. moon/moon. mrow/mrow. mrr/mrrp. mrreow/mrreow. mrrp/mrrp. nap/nap. neko/neko. night/night. nip/nip. noct/noct. nom/nyom. nya/nya. nya/nyan. pa/paw. panth/panthe. panth/panther. paw/claw. paw/paw. pawpad/pawpad. pessi/pessimist. pet/pet. petal/petal. pi/pink. pitter/patter. pla/play. play/playful. pou/pounce. pr/prr. pra/prance. prowl/prowl. prr/prr. pup/paw. purr/purr. quiet/quiet. ribbon/ribbon. ro/roll. roll/roll. sca/scratch. scra/scratch. scratch/scratch. sha/shake. shade/shade. shadow/shadow. shy/hyr shy/shy. skit/skitter. slee/sleep. sneak/sneak. sniff/sniff. snooze/snooze. snow/snowflake. soft/soft. spe/speak. spi/spin. squi/squish. sta/stare. swe/sweet. sweet/sweet. swi/swipe. ta/tail. tail/tail. tig/tig. tig/tigri. tiger/tiger. tire/tired. tired/tired. toy/toy. tre/treat. tri/trick. trill/trill. vae/vaem vix/vixen. waf/waffle. warm/warmth. whis/whisker. whisk/whisker. wonder/wonder. ya/yarn. yarn/yarn. yaw/yawn. yawn/yawn. yip/yip. yowl/yowl. zoomie/zoomie. zz/zz. 🍣 . 🐅 . 🐆 . 🐈 . 🐱 . 🐾 . 💤 . 😺 . 🥛 . 🦁 . 🦴 .

#⭐️lists #id pack #npt #name suggestions #name ideas #name list #pronoun suggestions #pronoun ideas #pronoun list #neopronouns #nounself #emojiself #catkin #cat therian #kittenkin #kitten therian

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minniebbang · 5 months

Text

within the forest | chapter 4

pairing: fairy!Chan x princess!reader word count: 2.8k words summary: a plan that didn't go well a/n: I'm writing something but I'm scared of how it'll turn out.

main masterlist | series masterlist | next

[10 YEARS LATER]

“Princess Flora, please leave the kitchen.” The head chef spoke out, causing the long-haired woman to spin around to meet his stern gaze. She sighed lowly, hearing that name slip out from him again although countless times she reminded him not to call her that unless it was outside of the palace or her future husband was coming.

Her arranged future husband is coming today. Since she’s 19 years old and next in line to take the throne, her father has asked her to get married to someone to help reign Stellious. She dislikes it, yes but she had to obey it. It’s the only way to maintain Stellious peace with other kingdoms that may appear as a threat to them.

“You always recognize me, Simon.”

“Your hairpin, your majesty. Now, please leave the kitchen or the king will be upset with me.”

Her hand automatically reached for the lily hairpin tug on the back of her hair whilst smiling softly. Of course, how hard she tried to blend in with the crowd, the palace people would know it was her by her custom hairpin. So disguising as one of the cookers was impossible with the hairpin on.

“How about let me go this time? I want to help prepare the food for the prince. I’ll cover you up if Father finds out.”

Simon shook his head, disapproving of her idea. He abruptly raised his head when hearing heavy footsteps approaching the kitchen area. He held the princess by the shoulder, pushing her to the staircase that led to her room.

“Princess, the prince is coming. Please head to your room and get ready. The king wouldn’t be pleased to see you here.”

“Fine, see you in a bit.” She ran off. Her silhouettes slowly turned blurry in Simon’s vision as she parted from him. He released a sigh of relief and shook his head before returning to the kitchen. The sole daughter of the king had always something up in her sleeve.

Maybe after 3 hours, we’ll meet again. She muttered and ran to her room with a big smile and exhilaration crawling inside her although it was a bummer she didn’t get a chance to cook for him, as in Bang Chan. She never intended to cook for her future husband once she set foot in the kitchen. She was embarrassed because Chan was the one who prepared meals for her when they were hanging out.

Shutting the door, she changed into new clothes, a much simpler one and took her archery set between the interjected dresses. Grabbing the black feather off the table, she held it tightly and filled her mind with his image but the creaking of the door interrupted her.

“Princess Flora, why haven’t you changed yet?”

“Ummmm….I will but can you give me a moment, Sara?”

The maid averted her eyes from her face to the object she held. Quickly, she grabbed Y/N’s hand gently.

“Let go of the feather, Princess.”

She glanced, cocking her brows. She was bewildered by the request. Does the maid know where she is heading? Her father must have told her already about her disappearance without a trace a decade ago.

“I apologise but I don’t want to.”

In a blink, they vanished from her room, leaving the door wide open for anyone to witness their sudden disappearance.

Y/N let go of the feather, realising the surroundings had changed from the bedroom with brownish walls to an open meadow. Birds chirping the sweet melody of the morning soon entered their ear. Sara observed around while confusion struck as her hand slowly fell to the side.

“What am I going to answer him now..?” she whispered while walking back and forth between the door and Sara, dumbfounded by the situation. She’d promised Chan not to bring anyone with him to the cottage. Bringing Sara with her was an incident, she never thought Sara would hug her the moment she teleported here.

“Should I knock… ugh!” she shut her eyes for a mere second, gaining back her composure before heading toward Sara, only to be greeted by empty air. Agitated, she glanced at every corner(although there weren’t any corners because it was a huge forest) searching for Sarah's small figure until a peal of laughter entered her ears. The voice was coming from behind her.

“Sara!!” she made her way toward her and kneeled beside her. Sara was too absorbed with her watching until Y/N had to call her name twice for her to notice her existence beside her. Sara’s shoulder jolted in surprise.

“Your Highness! I’m sorry I ran without your permission!!” She instantaneously rose to her feet, bowing her whole body - a sign of begging for forgiveness. A sigh left Y/N’s lips as she commanded Sara to stop what’s she doing.

“Did this flower and butterfly attract you?”

“Yes, they did, your highness. My mother doesn’t allow me to step out of the kingdom. All I saw and breathed in my 18 years of life were flying dust from the carriage and the suffocating smell of mixed charcoal and freshly baked bread. My life isn’t beautiful like it is in your palace.”

Sara spoke as her chin rested on her arms. It looks like Sara shared an almost similar story with her.

“I didn’t mean like am I hating on Stellious. This kingdom is beautiful! I simply describing the environment in the late evening!”

“Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, Sara. It’s not like I will punish you for speaking ill about Stellious. Honestly, I never feel happy in the palace. It’s empty since my father keeps me away from everyone but luckily I found this place and him.”

As in queue, the screeching sound of the door along with his voice came. A voice that sounds like home to her.

"Y/N, I thought you wouldn't be here today." He spoke from the door. She emerged along with Sara. A bright and beautiful smile rested on Y/N's countenance and lit a smile on Chan's lips. She went to Chan.

"Didn't I promise to come yesterday? I want to continue our practice."

A chuckle escaped as he shook his head; entertained by her child-like attitude. Although she grew up, she always his little flora.

"Never forget how excited you were when I said I can teach you archery.”

He raised his head and came in contact with Sara’s eyes. Her figure was frozen, stunned and speechless by his appearance perhaps. Unsure of what to do, Chan just sent her a small smile.

“You bring someone with you today.”

She sheepishly grinned at him.

“She was hugging me while I was holding the feather. So, here we are” She spread her arm widely, lightly chuckling.

“I’m sorry, Chan.” Her arm fell to her side as a sigh escaped.

“It’s fine, little flora. Sometimes it’s more fun to have extra company. Her name was Sara, right?”

She nodded. “Sara, come in!” He waved his hand, gesturing for her to come closer to them. Seeing the gesture, Sara headed to them cautiously. After everyone got inside, he shut the door.

“Let’s go to the backyard. I have prepared everything in the back.”

He pushed the teak door open, leading them to the back. Y/N followed him behind but stopped when she didn’t hear Sara’s footsteps. She looked behind and mentally face-palmed herself. Sara didn’t move a bone or her eyes; stuck in the same place and her gaze was fixated on his dark wings. She grabbed Sara’s wrist, dragging her with her as the arrows in Y/N’s sling bag clicked against each other, filling their walk with a repeated sound.

“We’re here,” Chan announced and headed to the set-up table and two seats. On the table, sandwiches were plated and three to four pure water were seated there. The backyard almost looked identical to the front yard except it was more lively. Flowers in different colours and varieties spread out through the meadow.

“My apologies, Sara. I didn’t know you were coming so I didn't prepare any extra,” He glanced at her with an apologetic smile. Sara shook her head and hand, denying his word in every way possible.

“No! My apologies mister because I accidentally follow your highness. I’m sorry I have burdened you!”

“You’re not burdening me, Sara, don’t worry. Anyway,” He glanced at Y/N.

“Should we begin our practice now?”

She placed her sling bag down and snatched her bow and arrows from the bag while Sara settled down on one of the seats, awkwardly running her eyes elsewhere other than Chan’s gigantic wings. It wasn’t her fault that she was astonished by Chan; a species that every folk in Stellious was afraid of. Both from their ‘special’ features and abilities. For centuries, the king had to hunt them down because they were a threat to the kingdom but were they?

Chan stood beside Y/N, watching her close her right eye and aim for the bullseye at the round sharped target across them.

The First shot, failed

The Second shot failed

The Third shot failed

She let out a heavy sigh and dropped the bow to her side, disappointed at her current mark. The first and second arrows were on the white circle meanwhile the third one was on the black circle. Sure, she was a beginner and shouldn't push herself to make the arrow land on the yellow circle but she was hoping to get it at least once.

“Don’t push yourself too hard, little flora. Just relax.”

He went behind her and placed his hand on top of hers, positioning the bow. His touch was gentle as if holding her hand hard enough would shatter it. He correctly fixed her shoulder and hips and stepped aside.

“Think about someone you dislike and with a deep breath, you let go of the string. Ready?”

She hummed in response and took a deep breath. She aimed for the bullseyes again but this time with an image of someone she dislikes currently. She doesn’t hate him but dislikes his abrupt decision. A decision that he made without considering her feelings. She still loves him, so much in fact. Releasing the bowstring, the arrow landed on the bullseye. Chan smiled, glad his technique worked.

Now he wondered, who was in her mind?

“Who are you thinking?”

“My father…He arranged a marriage for me since I will reign Stellious soon.”

She placed the arrow in the bow and let go of the string.

Bullseye again.

“He said I'm incapable of ruling the kingdom alone and need a husband by my side. I hate arranged marriages because it's like pushing my feelings aside.” She’d said in a low and dissatisfied tone. She placed the bow on the grass, glancing at him afterwards.

“I’m sure he has his reason, little flora. No father will do something stupid unless it’s for his daughter's bright future. Your future husband will take care of you if I’m not here anymore”

Her eyes widened as he uttered the last sentence. She punched his shoulder lightly as her lips dropped, forming an upside-down smile.

“Don’t say that, Chan. I’ll protect you from whatever coming for you. I promise”

She shoved her pinky toward him and he intertwined it, giggling at her statement. Just like the little girl he met 10 years ago, she was unaware of what danger coming upon him. Not even she could protect him from it. She shouldn’t know the truth because he knew it would be the reason her happiness died. Let him conceal the painful truth with his smile and white lies.

“Okay! Let’s continue!”

After a couple of minutes, they stopped training. How exhausting it might be but she was satisfied with the result of today's hard work. Sara, who had been seated and watching her was surprised by the princess’s skill. Ever since taking care of Y/N, she never saw the princess doing this activity. The princess schedule is often packed with manners class and history classes. It was a rare sight to see the princess doing something that only the boys and the women warriors were allowed to do in the kingdom.

“Good job for today, little flora.” Chan ruffled her hair as her ears turned a hint of red. She isn’t used to Chan’s way of showing his affection although she did it to him when she was little.

“I can do better but it’s fine. I can always try tomorrow and the day after.”

“True. Since you did a good job you should be rewarded with a present.”

“I’m not a kid, Chan.”

“Who says only kids deserve presents? Let’s hurry up before the sun goes down.”

Carefully, Chan took her hand and pulled her to the side of the backyard, forgetting Sara’s existence there for a while. Sara followed them behind quietly, afraid of disturbing their leisure time together.

Upon arriving, Y/N gasped at the sightseeing. They were a river streaming through the middle, splitting the meadow into two. The trees were high in height and their stems stretched out toward the river, covering the illuminating sunlight for anyone who was resting there. She was sure she wasn’t dreaming but the place looked exactly how she would describe her haven. Quiet and serenity with him.

Chan patted the space beside him, inviting her to sit with him. She sat beside him and immediately rested her head on his shoulder. She likes being this close to him, it reminds her that she has a friend, a friend that she could rely on, a friend that she already assumed was her blood brother.

“So, how was he? Is he a kind man?”

“I hope so. Today, supposedly, is my second day meeting him. My father expects me to get to know him better today.”

“But you run away. The day before too.”

She laughed, throwing her gaze at the slow-streaming river.

“If you were me, you would run away as well, Chan. I don’t like talking about myself because I don’t know myself well. There’s no point telling him lies.”

“You grow up well, little flora. I’m proud of you. I can’t wait to see you as a queen.”

“A queen…such a heavy word for me”

“Hey, I’m here for you if you need any extra hands”

From the reflection, she can see his wings moving to the front, hugging her shoulder. Taking the opportunity, she caressed his wings. Letting her fingers run through the black wings, brought her back to the first day she met him. A meeting that began her joyful life.

“I love you, Channie”

His hand went for her shoulder, pulling her into a hug.

“I love you too, let’s stay as best friends okay little flora?”

“You like calling me little flora.”

“People in the kingdom called you Flora because the king asked them but for me because the little you had changed my life into a beautiful one. Like flora, they decorate the forest and people’s homes so it becomes more comfy and stunning”

“Thanks for those unwanted words of affirmation, Chan”

From afar, Sara became an audience. Today's event proved all of her assumptions about Chan’s species wrong. A fairy can be kind-hearted toward humans. One could not fake a sincere smile for a long time. They’re not wicked as the king told them. Was the king lying to them? To the civilians of Stellious? If yes, what for?

What could be more mortification than your daughter doesn’t show up when the prince was in your palace? No, she disappeared magically while changing and the cat got your tongue trying to give a good excuse. A bad way to end your day, huh?

The king slammed his hands on the table, and the loud thudding rang throughout his medium-decorated office. A flushed red face, clenched fists and bared teeth as he contends the madness that crawled inside him from leashing out. His right-hand man couldn’t defuse him unless he wanted a punch in his face.

“Gale, did you send the guards to search after the princess?” He asked sternly. Gale nodded his head

“Good. I’m going to check her room” The king exited the office and headed straight to the princess' room. An instinct came to him but he brushed it off because he believed his only daughter wouldn’t do that, not to him. His steps died as he caught a glimpse of the slightly creaked door to the princess’s room. Somehow, he felt his instinct was right.

He pushed the door widely and from the corner of his eyes, he saw black powder scattered on the floor. His anger raised when he kneeled to get a better view of it. That fairy...

“Command the guards to expand the search in the forest, now!!”

A peaceful and gorgeous evening for the princess but an unforgettable one for the king. The evening when the king's patience exploded and the only left was madness, he wanted blood under the fairy's body. For him, the fairy had crossed his limits.

#skz imagines #stray kids #skz #bang chan #bang chan imagines #chan x reader #bang chan x reader #fairychan

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