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ghostlywritten · 6 years

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When I Was Your Man (Epilogue)

A/N: haha, you thought it was the end...well, it kinda was.

Words: 5k

I puffed out a sigh as I handed out the change to yet another customer. Looking at the clock I was relieved to see it would only take another ten minutes and I would be done for today.

My eyes were dropping unwillingly as I absently cleaned the counter. The kiosk I was working at was open 24 hours and it was almost midnight now. I had to take this as a second job after leaving my husband for good. It was enough to pay off the rent of a small apartment I was sharing with a fellow student called Lilou and buy some groceries. After I had left Antoine's house that day, I had handed over the divorce papers to his lawyer - whom I knew because he was also a close friend of Antoine's, stating clearly that I didn't want anything but the divorce, hoping they wouldn't have to contact me because of any marriage settlements and that I wouldn't have to see my husband again. Fortunately, they never did.

A slight ache filled my chest as I thought of him. The last time I had seen him was quite the tearful event and I had yet to forget his blue eyes brimming with water. I would never say that I regretted leaving...but I did miss him. A lot.

“You can leave now, Ads,” the old man, who was the owner of this little shop, told me, patting my back good-naturedly.

“Thanks,” I breathed, glad for the distraction, “I will come back by 6 tomorrow?”

“Sure thing, hun. Don’t overdo it.”

I chuckled, taking my jacket and opening the back door, “I’ll try.” He knew I had another job at the clothing store, which went from nine to five pm. It had to be like this, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to keep myself above the surface.

Trudging back home, I shivered slightly at the cool breeze but enjoyed it nonetheless; it was very refreshing after a hard day. And the fact that it was so nice and quiet at this hour was another plus. I remembered that one time I had went on a spontaneous midnight walk with Antoine.

“How do you know if you’ve fallen in love?” Antoine asked, his hands crossed behind his head as he strolled next to me.

“It usually starts with asking someone how you know if you’ve fallen in love,” I replied, thinking back on how I had asked his Gran the same question.

“Yeah, but how do you know the exact moment? Like, I can’t even tell when I’ve fallen for you,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulder to pull me closer, “I just suddenly knew that I do.” My heart skipped a beat at his open display of affection.

“Well, that’s how it happens most of the time, I guess. You start liking someone and suddenly you love them,” I mused, “It could only take a specific, simple thing the person is doing that would make you realise it.”

“When did you realise it?” Antoine wondered.

“When I asked your Gran exactly what you just asked,” I chuckled and he giggled along, nuzzling my hair.

“And you?”

“Hm...I think when I saw you in my jersey,” he said thoughtfully and I rolled my eyes.

“Of course.”

“And when you were there when I received that Cup,” he continued, stopping in his tracks, “How you were there at every game with your veggie soup-”

“I didn’t bring any soup with me,” I pointed out.

“Shut it, I’m trying to be romantic,” he scolded, flicking my forehead.

“Okay, okay,” I laughed, feeling shy. It hadn’t been that long since we had admitted our love to each other and I was still not used to it, yet.

“I really can’t believe you’re still with me after all I’ve done,” he said quietly, grazing my hand with his fingers.

“Me neither,” I joked light-heartedly to which he glared at me playfully. I watched him close his beautiful eyes and bite his lips.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered and my heart softened at his vulnerable state, “I sometimes fear you’re going to realise that and leave.”

Placing my hands on his cheeks, I pulled him closer to rest our foreheads against each other. “I admit I had thought a lot of times about leaving,” his breath hitched, “But I never did. And after everything is revealed now and there are no more secrets between us, there is no reason for any of us to go...” He smiled and leaned down to pull me into a passionate kiss.

Well, there had still been secrets between us and they were severe enough to make us drift apart.

So, here I was, walking down the same path I had once done with him in the pitch darkness. Three years later.

“Can you believe there only a few days left and we will officially graduate!” my roommate Lilou squealed, stirring the ramen in the pot.

I nodded with a grin as I chopped some vegetables next to her. Although it had taken a long while we had managed to establish a stable co-existence in the three years of living together. “I don’t think I will truly process it all until I have that certificate in my hand.”

“And then we’re going to be lawyers, yaaaay!” she cheered, “I’m so done with university.”

“Me too, my brain is all mushy after all these exams,” I said with a yawn, stretching my limbs.

“I still don’t get how you’ve managed to pass them all with two jobs at the same time,” she said, incredulously.

“Well, I did pass them all but not exactly with flying colours,” I sighed, disappointed.

“Who cares. You still got job offers and that’s what counts,” Lilou said, placing a bowl with steaming noodles in front of me, “Cheers!”

I laughed, “You forgot the vegetables.”

She pouted, “Are they even needed in ramen?”

“No, but they’re healthy,” I insisted, adding the chopped goods into the pot.

“No, but they’re healthy,” Lilou mocked and I glared at her playfully. “You’re like my mom.”

“She’s going to be happy that you have me as your roommate then,” I sniffed, stirring the noodles.

“She actually is,” she giggled just as her phone rang, “Oh! Mathis is calling! Excuse me.” I smiled fondly at her excitement as I watched her pick up and leave the room with a bounce in her step. Love can do that to you.

Looking down with a sigh, I absently proceeded to fill two bowls up, the ghost of Antoine jumping around me in happiness at the prospect of food.

“You seriously make the best food, Addy!”

I shook my head quickly and walked towards the small table in the kitchen just as Lilou came back.

“Sorry, I had to take that,” she said, eagerly taking one of the bowls for her.

“No need to apologise,” I replied and she smiled. “Mathis was just asking whether I had time tomorrow for a little dinner date,” she rambled as we started eating.

I hummed, “Good. As far as I know you’d be lazing around otherwise.”

She pouted, “Would not!” I raised an eyebrow and she sighed in defeat, “Okay, I would.”

“Anyways, you remember his friend Jacques from that party, right?”

“The one you forced me to go to?”

“Exactly,” she said, snapping her fingers, “He was the one with the super broad shoulders and great hair, you know?”

“I guess. Why do you ask?” I asked, dreading her answer as she smiled coyly.

“Well, a bird twittered me that he might or might not be very interested in having a date with you-”

I sighed.

“-and since he is too shy to ask, Mathis is suggesting a double date tomorrow.”

“No, thank you,” I said plainly and her face dropped.

“Oh come on, Addy!”

“Nope, I’m good.”

“Why though? You haven’t had a boyfriend in the past three years and this is your golden time. He’s such a gentleman, you would love him,” she tried to convince me but I shook my head resolutely.

“You know that I just got out of a marriage, Lilou.” I had told her one day when we had talked about past relationships and stuff, but not exactly what happened to cause a divorce.

“That was years ago, Addy. You can’t be hung up on the past,” she said softly and I wished it would be that easy.

“I’m not ready, yet, Lilou,” I said quietly, “And it wouldn’t be fair on any guy to date them with only half a heart.”

Lilou sighed, exasperated, “As mature as that sounds - and I applaud you for that - you don’t necessarily have to think you’re looking for a rebound. More like someone, who can help you heal with their love for you.”

“Even so, this is not the right time for it,” I said, swishing the noodles around in my bowl, “We’ll graduate in a few days and then I’m going to start working. I need to stay focused and dating would only distract me from everything I’ve worked for for so long.”

“I get that, really,” Lilou replied, staying silent for a second, “But I fear you will get stuck too deep into your career to ever find time for a relationship once you start.”

That was what I was aiming for but she didn’t need to know that. As nice as it would be to have a romantic happy ending, the world simply didn’t work like that in my case. Ever since my marriage I had developed major trust issues that I hadn’t been able to overcome, yet. Even Lilou, who I had known for years now and who never did anything to me, didn’t know half of the things that had happened in the past because I simply didn’t want to be vulnerable. And confiding in someone would make me vulnerable.

And not only her, I had kept everyone a good distance away. Jennifer, who had tried to reach out for me after that disaster of a party, left for England in despair after I had picked up only one of her calls, asking for some time alone and that I would call her back. Which I never did.

Olivier, who I hadn’t been that close to, but who still took my phone number from his wife to ask whether I was okay to which I could hardly keep my sobs in.

Gran, whose calls I didn’t even pick up but listened to her voicemails, her soft voice that used to be so soothing only sending chills down my spine after knowing that she had played with us like puppets.

My father, whom I was surprised had bothered to call at all only to hear him scold me for throwing Mother out of the hotel room. I had ended the call during his mid-rant.

All of them, who had been part of my everyday life (mostly), had been cut off without mercy. I simply couldn’t face them anymore without being reminded of that part of my life.

Though the past would always come back to haunt you.

And my past came to haunt me one day before graduation in form of my former best friend knocking on my door.

“Cateline,” I whispered, my throat turning dry in a second.

She looked at me with eyes so painfully familiar, so painfully friendly, reminding me of all the years we had shared together before Antoine came along, overshadowed by her cruel actions.

“Hey, Adeline,” she greeted me softly, swallowing nervously.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in shock, “How did you find me?”

“Well, I knew you were going to this university and I asked around a bit, showing a picture of you. It took me about an hour and a few embarrassing knocks on wrong doors to get here,” she said, chuckling sheepishly.

“Why would you come here?”

“I...can I come in first?”

“No.”

She winced at the cold tone in my voice and shuffled her feet anxiously. “O-okay. First and foremost, I came to apologise. And I know I’m three years late, but it took me that long to find the courage to actually face you again.”

“I don’t think an apology is going to get us anywhere, Cateline.”

“I didn’t expect that,” she said quickly, “I know we can’t go back to how we used to but I’d like to at least say sorry once-”

“Great, you said it. Now bye,” I said, trying to close the door but she held it open.

“Please, Addy. Hear me out!”

“What? What else do you want?”

“I would like to explain.”

“What do you want to explain?” I asked incredulously, raising my voice, “Like, seriously. What’s the point? I’m not going to forgive you and no reason on earth can justify that you slept with my husband whilst faking a friendship with me!”

“It wasn’t fake, Addy! Come on, we’ve been friends for years before Antoine happened.”

“Yes, did you ever think about that when you met up with my ex behind my back?”

She breathed in shakily, “Yes. Of course. I felt so guilty. But I couldn’t help but fall for him and when he reciprocated my feelings...it just happened.”

“Yeah...because stuff like that just happens,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead as a headache was forming. “Cateline, there’s really no point of you being here.”

“I...I’m sorry, Adeline,” she said with tears forming in her eyes, “And I wish I never let a guy come between us.”

I nodded, sucking my lips in as my own eyes watered slightly. “Me too.”

She gulped, nodding as well before she slowly turned around to leave when she halted and faced me again. “I also have something for you...from Antoine.”

My breath hitched as she held up a ring; my stolen wedding ring to be precise. “H-how?”

“I had talked to Antoine to apologise to him as well before I came here. He told me that he flew over to Russia to search the boy, who’s stolen it from you, but never had to courage to face you after he found it...we’re pretty similar in that aspect,” she chuckled weakly as I kept staring at the sparkling wedding band, “So he asked me to give it to you in his stead.”

My hand shook as I picked it up, swallowing tightly. “...thanks.”

“If you can, you should forgive him. He’s taking this divorce pretty badly.”

“Ditto,” I replied quietly, my voice breaking slightly.

The next day started with red, puffy eyes and a pounding headache. Not the best way to begin your graduation day.

“As if I’m hungover again,” I grumbled, remembering that one time in Russia where I had woken up the same way, only that I was naked and had lost my virginity. I chuckled. Even up to this day I couldn’t remember a single thing from that night.

“Addy! Get up!” Lilou yelled from the other room, “Today is the day!”

“I’m up,” I shouted back, running a hand over my face with a groan.

“Now, there’s the grad girl,” my roommate said as she strolled. She flinched, “Holy shit, you look like crap!”

“Thanks a lot,” I grumbled.

“What happened?” she wondered, settling down on the bed next to me.

“Nothing much. Just the past haunting me,” I said vaguely.

“Ah, right...what?”

I chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. Right now, I just wanna celebrate how we are over with university now!”

“Okay...You better get ready then. The ceremony starts in two hours!”

I took a long, hot shower, trying to forget about yesterday’s encounter. It might have not helped that I had stared at the ring all night, all memories flooding back that I had tried to so desperately to push down. ‘You graduate today, Adeline,’ I thought to myself, ‘A new point in life is starting for you. Focus on that.’

Stepping out of the bathroom, my eyes immediately caught sight of the ring on the bed. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I went over and picked it up, observing it quietly. It wasn’t big or fancy, just a small silver band with a small diamond and our names engraved on the inside.

I put it on my ring finger, reminiscing in the familiar feeling of it. My chest burned at the nostalgic rush that went through me. I knew I was missing him deeply.

“Addy! Mathis said he would pick us up in about an half an hour. Be ready!” Lilou exclaimed, efficiently breaking me out of my stupor.

“Crap,” I muttered, still in my bathrobe and my hair dripping wet.

Blow drying my hair had never taken so agonisingly slow as I tried to do my makeup at the same time.

Finishing up I grimaced at my own face. “Eh...could be worse,” I muttered, cursing under my breath when I only had another ten minutes left. I rushed over to the small wardrobe, eyes flicking through the three dresses I had.

I bit my lip, fingering the one I had been wearing at the last party at Antoine’s home. It would have been a nice blissful day, a sweet memory if everything had gone the way I had expected it to. I wondered if the people present at that party still remembered me and the most humiliating moment of my life, whether they were laughing about it or pitying me.

“It’s a really cute dress,” Lilou said from behind me, causing me to flinch in surprise.

“Dear God, when did you come in?”

Lilou giggled, “Around five minutes ago. I was wondering when you would stop spacing out but it got boring after a while.”

My eyes widened when I heard a knock on the front door. “Put it on, I will entertain Mathis. If you know what I mean,” my roommate said, winking suggestively. I rolled my eyes but did as ordered, swiftly putting the dress on.

“I’m done, stop snogging each other,” I said, walking past the smooching couple on the couch as I grabbed my purse.

Mathis chuckled, “Hey Addy. You excited for today?”

“Obviously. I’ve been waiting for this for three years,” I said with a grin, which he reciprocated.

“I can tell. I remember when I graduated-”

“Which was a decade ago, now chop chop. We’re late,” Lilou cut him off, rushing past him and outside.

We followed her with her boyfriend grumbling, “It was only two years ago.”

I had to admit I almost teared up when I finally received that scroll up on the stage with a crowd cheering in front of me. I shook the headmasters and professors’ hands before looking over at the mass of people. I could see them all clapping out of simple politeness, which was a bit depressing to think about. But I smiled when I saw Mathis and Lilou hollering like crazy whilst Jacques stood next to them, trying to pretend he didn’t know them.

Laughing at them I carefully climbed down the stairs, hoping not to trip like the one before me.

“We did it!” Lilou squealed, squishing me into a hug after the ceremony.

“Yes, we did!” I exclaimed, not being able to contain myself.

“Group hug!” Mathis yelled, crushing us both against his chest and Jacques joined in with a laugh. I felt warmth at their action and squeezed them tightly as they shared this special moment with me.

“We gotta celebrate this,” Jacques suggested and we nodded in agreement.

“Sounds great! I’m gonna tell my parents real quick!” Lilou agreed eagerly, tugging Mathis along with her.

I bit my lip at the sudden silence, smiling awkwardly at Jacques, who had his hands stuffed in his pockets and a shy grin on his face.

“Congratulations,” he cheered with a laugh, squeezing my arm gently and I chuckled.

“Thank you, I still can’t really believe it. It’s like a dream.”

“Yeah, I felt that way too...you will wake up on your first day at work,” he said, causing us both to laugh. “You know where you’ll start, yet?”

“I got a few offers but I don’t know, which one to accept. It’s a big decision.”

Jacques nodded. “Take your time.” Another silence and I sighed inwardly at the awkward tension, trying to come up with some topic when he spoke up again, “Hey, um...can you tell me why that guy over there has been staring at you for the past three minutes?”

“Huh?” I turned around to follow his line of sight.

“It’s kind of creepy,” he commented, nodding in the general direction. My eyes widened when I met Antoine’s.

“What on earth...,” I muttered, my heartbeat quickening. I watched him shuffle nervously before he strolled over in an overly casual but determined manner.

“Do you know him?” Jacques asked though I could only hear him vaguely. I glanced around panicked, not knowing whether I wanted Antoine to come over or not whilst he kept getting closer.

“Adeline,” he spoke and I closed my eyes, listening to his melodic voice after being deprived of it for so long.

“Hey, mate. I don’t know who you are, but please don-”

“Jacques,” I interrupted him shakily, “Don’t worry, I know him. Could you leave us alone for a minute?” Mathis’ friend looked down at me with a crease on his forehead before nodding and walking off.

I hesitated in turning back to face him but did so anyways, looking at his sneakers.

“Can you please look at me?” he asked, his voice pained. Taking a deep breath I glanced up. My heart rate took a screeching halt when I gazed into his ocean blue eyes and I almost gasped at the amount of emotions that rushed through me.

He smiled slightly, his eyes flickering through my face as he took in my appearance. I cursed myself for not taking care of my makeup but then cursed myself again for even caring what he thought when I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “You look great. Graduation suits you well,” he said, chuckling slightly.

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“E-ehm...congratulations by the way,” he stuttered and he held up a bouquet of my favourite flowers for me that I hadn’t noticed until now. I took it, almost flinching at the electric shock that rushed through my veins when his fingers brushed mine.

“Thank you,” I said again mechanically.

“Um, I found out the ceremony is today and wanted to congratulate you in person...despite everything that happened I wanted to say I’m really proud of you,” he answered my unasked question, scratching his neck.

“Thank you...” I cringed at how repetitive my responses, “I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you or anyone for that matter to come. It's quite the surprise.”

“Well, I’ll be glad to surprise you once more. Jen and Olli are waiting eagerly to congratulate you as well,” Antoine said with a grin as he looked behind me. And not a second later did I jump when two bodies collided against my back.

“Congratulations Addy/Snoring Beauty!” The Giroud pair shouted from the top of their lungs.

“You guys! What are you doing here?” I asked in delighted shock as I turned towards their beaming faces.

“Girl, you think I would miss your graduation?” Jennifer asked, crushing me into another hug. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her as well. Despite the fact that I had pushed them away they still decided to come over and spent the most important day of my life with me.

“You...I...this-” I stuttered, trying to portray my gratefulness and say sorry at the same time but I was too choked up.

“We get it,” Olivier said, patting my head affectionately. I smiled thankfully before being reminded of the person standing behind me.

“Oh my God. Is that Antoine Griezmann and Olivier Giroud?” Mathis exclaimed in shock as he approached us with Lilou and her parents.

“Friends?” Jennifer asked, still holding onto my arms, and I nodded. “Then yes, they are,” she said with a grin and I chuckled when I saw Mathis seemingly close to fainting. He was a passionate football fan to say the least.

Antoine cleared his throat, catching my attention again. I observed him shoot the Giroud pair a demanding look to which they reacted immediately.

“I bet, you’re a big fan,” Olivier said, approaching Mathis with Jennifer, “Let’s talk about how much of a fan of mine you are over there.”

And once again, I was alone with my ex-husband. “Um, thank you for coming,” I said too politely.

He nodded and I felt a bit uncomfortable at his intense gaze. “Addy,” he started softly and dared to take a step closer, sighing quietly in relief when I didn’t move away. “I-I had a whole speech planned out about what I would say when I saw you again, but somehow I can’t remember a single word of it,” he chuckled almost desperately.

I took a deep breath. “You had Cateline give me the wedding ring...,” I trailed off, waiting for him to fill me in on the ‘why’. I had been racking my brain over this ever since I had received it.

“Oh right! She gave it to you then, good. I wasn’t sure she would,” he brightened up before he tried to shrug it off, “Yeah, it was crazy. I suddenly got a package from Russia, seems like the police has found the boy and got your purse bac-”

“But...she said you flew over and searched for it?” I wondered with furrowed eyebrows and he blanched.

“O-oh, she told you?” Antoine cleared his throat, sighing, “Yeah ok. I admit, I went there. I first wanted it for myself so I had something from you to hold on to...” I swallowed slightly at his confession, feeling a tiny spark of warmth spreading out of that emptiness in me, “But then I thought I would give it to you instead...since it actually belongs to you.”

I nodded, “I will keep it.” He beamed and I glanced down at the flowers in my hand, not being able to see him without feeling like my heart would jump out of my chest.

Hearing him gulp I got startled at how close he had gotten at this point. “Addy, I know...I know I screwed up real bad and there’s no way you can forgive me...but forgive me, please?” he ended sheepishly.

I huffed out a laugh at his blunt ways, causing him to beam in happiness. “Antoine, I...I think I’m actually in the process of forgiving you.”

“Really?” he breathed out in shock.

“Yes...I miss you a lot-”

“I miss you, too! God, Addy. You-You don’t know how much I miss you,” he said earnestly, his warm hand gripping on my arm softly.

“-But...,” his smile faded, “...even if I’m able to forgive you someday, I won’t be able to forget.” His hand fell off and he closed his eyes, furrowing his brows in agony. “It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship, Antoine.”

“Better toxic than nothing, eh?” he suggested, chuckling weakly.

I shook my head with a smile, “I’m grateful that you came, really.”

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. “I’m glad I came, too. At least I got to see you again for a few minutes.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while.”

“Three years and 16 days,” he said, “Not that I’m counting.”

I laughed slightly before shaking my head. “Sure. Do y-”

“Hey, so Mathis said you’re going to celebrate at some Italian restaurant,” Olivier cut me off as he jogged over, “We should get going.”

“Oh, you gonna join us?” I asked, smiling brightly and he nodded eagerly. “For sure. Come on, you guys. They’re waiting!” he said, already turning around and jogging back where he had come from.

“Ehm, I probably shouldn’t join,” Antoine said as I opened my mouth to speak, “I gotta go anyways.”

I tried not to show my disappointment. “Okay then. I should go over, the others are waiting.”

“Right! Right...” Antoine stepped forward and my heart pounded in my chest when he leaned in tentatively to kiss my cheek. “Congratulations,” he whispered, his breath brushing my skin and causing goosebumps to erupt. I tried to breathe as evenly as possible when I felt him push something into my hand. Glancing down I took hold of the brown envelope that he gave me, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"What is this?" I wondered, looking up into the shining eyes of my ex-husband. He smiled slightly, "Just something I wanted you to have for a long time. I'll see you around."

"Ehm ok," I replied dumbly, wondering what he meant. I couldn't see him around, he was working in Spain. He waved goodbye as he turned his back around.

I couldn’t tell how long I watched him walk away even after he was out of sight, willing my body not to run after him and cling onto him like a koala. Pain seared through me at the thought of never seeing him again but I knew it was better this way. It was better this way, right?

Reaching into the envelope numbly, I was confused at the amount of papers in them, especially at the once that were ripped in half. Taking out one of the papers that was not ripped I read through the first paragraphs. It was a contract for a football team, Paris St. German, signed by Antoine. My jaw dropped, 'He left Atletico?'

Shaking my head in shock I proceeded to fish out the other papers, trying to discern what was written. It only took me two seconds to recognise the divorce papers, signed by Antoine and me. And ripped to pieces. "What...," I whispered. Did he never-

I peeked into the envelope again for some kind of answer when I noticed another small piece of paper, folded in half.

His old number was scribbled on it with a few simple words:

I won't give up on us, Patricia. Your Spongebob.

End. For real now.

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