#like... oh... THAT'S why you were commenting on Es being a kid and all that so much...

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Triage: Initial Thoughts

Hello! Venus back at it again with the 4-5 AM theory time! This time we’re looking at Shidou’s second MV, Triage! 

I’m going to be going through my various thoughts on everything as usual, going point by point to analyze each thing. I’ll be referencing Triage, his first MV Throwdown, and the always-fast audio drama translation by @onigiriico​! 

Alright, let’s do this!

Shidou’s kids died immediately, but his wife had a chance to live.

I’m basically just going to give a quick play by play of what I think happened in the video.

Surprise, Shidou has kids! And a wife, but we figured that already. They’re all very cute and all until they fade out like ghosts pretty early on. Before that happens, though, I think that, chronologically, the opening sequence of Shidou walking with some groceries happens first.

He’s just going about his day, walking around, having a great time. He’s intending to take stuff back to his family and cook dinner or whatever he usually does that we see in the cute scenes.

Then, though, he gets a phone call. He answers it (this is the untranslated “Kirisaki desu” part; please let us know if you find a full translation of what he says on the call there!) and we move on to the next scene. However, later, at 1:57, we hear the line die. I think that this is probably Shidou getting a phone call from the hospital. He sounds casual in his initial response because he probably assumes it’s work related, but once he hears what happened, he drops the line and immediately heads over.

I think Shidou’s kids must have died immediately because of Throwdown. Throwdown has absolutely no references to his kids (though he does mention liking children and stuff like that in his first audio drama, which now kinda stings) and, were he also trying to save them, I’m sure there would’ve been at least some references. 

I think it’s far more likely that, whatever happened, both his kids died immediately, but his wife was in a condition where he could still try to save her. That’s when Throwdown occurs. Shidou probably focused intensely on trying to save his wife as a way to cope with the death of his children. Then, after his wife officially died, it really hit him that he had nothing left, and he was forced to process it. That’s when he started feeling all the guilt and wishing for death. 

This isn’t really relevant, but my best bet is a car crash. It seems like a likely and viable way that his kids could’ve died instantly while the wife could’ve kept living. As a minor note on that, he’s also walking back with groceries, which could indicate that someone else (the rest of his family) might’ve had a car. I don’t remember if Shidou mentions anything about driving or anything like that at any time, but if I had to call a method of death right now, that’s what I’d go for.

NOTE: I do want to disclaim this by saying it’s also possible that one of his kids was the flower person in Throwdown. He gives a receipt to one of his kids, so that could make some sense. I need to go back and compare the flower person in Throwdown with the people in Shidou’s family now that they have appearances. I also need to reread his first audio drama; he says something about it being fitting that Es is judging him, which could check out if his crime relates to trying to save his kid instead. If I am wrong and it was one of his kids that he was trying to save, then everything about what I’m saying still checks out; just swap everything I say about his wife with one of the kids.

Shidou purposefully showed us the least forgivable parts of his crime in Throwdown.

Looking back on it, Shidou painted himself in an awful light in Throwdown, and I’m sure it was intentional. After all, he was trying to get us to give him a guilty verdict. If you say that a prisoner like Muu might have been altering what part of her story we received in order to get her desired verdict in the first round (innocent), Shidou could absolutely do the same thing with a guilty verdict.

He doesn’t show us any of the context of his loved ones and how much he loved them; that was all stuff we had to read between the lines of. We see him butchering plant after plant only to end in horrific failure without ever seeing him succeed at anything surgical. (He still should’ve hypothetically been saving lives while doing all of this; it’s not like he was ONLY killing people.) 

He even shows us the horrified reactions of the loved ones of patients he killed. I can only imagine that he would do that if he was trying to spark a negative reaction in us.

In contrast, this MV is very straightforwardly showing how the day he lost his family went for Shidou and directly examines what verdict Shidou wants (more on this later). I think, therefore, that this is probably a much more honest view of the situation than Throwdown, at least in terms of how Shidou perceives the truth. 

Shidou is constantly plagued by the guilt of what happened.

The simplest way to explain this is with this image: 

When showing Shidou’s family turning to ghosts, he views the man that he used to be as dying with them. Shidou, as he was, is dead. Still, what happened clearly still impacts him. That’s pretty obvious, but I’m talking down to the details. He mentions kids and liking them in both of his audio dramas. Further, take this lovely image: 

Pancakes. Shidou made pancakes for his kids. In BOTH Minigrams 3 (Pancake) and 24 (Pancake: a Second Trial) Shidou is directly shown talking about pancakes and their relation to children. He really wants Amane, the young child, to try some. It seems like he used to make pancakes for his kids before they died. He’s very clearly not recovered in any sense. That’s not surprising, but it’s still something to point out.

Triage takes place almost entirely before and after Throwdown.

That sounds a little confusing, but all I mean is that Throwdown is completely isolated from this MV. Some parts of this MV happen before the events of Throwdown; those are the ones featuring Shidou’s wife and kids, as well as the ones where he simply looks younger. The other parts are clearly looking back at the same time frame, but are from Shidou’s present perspective, here in Milgram. Those are the ones where he reflects on his verdict or directly addresses what verdict he wants.

Most directly, I think the part at 2:14 indicates this. Shidou, looking back on the death he caused (knives in the pomegranates and other food, dead flowers, receipts from the surgeries that we also saw in Throwdown), says “I want to be INNOCENT / I want to live.” That’s him, in the Milgram prison, right now, coming to terms with the fact that he actually, genuinely wants to live right now.

In the audio drama, he’s clearly conflicted. He still says that he wants to die, that he wants to atone for his sins and that dying is the only way he can make it up to the people he killed. He also, though, says that, at least for right now, he wants to live. Futa and especially Mahiru are on death’s door, and there’s no telling what other injury might occur. He believes he’s essential to saving lives within the Milgram prison (and I think he’s 100% right).

He even directly references this in the song lyrics, talking about “extracting the fang.” The fang is clearly Kotoko, given that Milgram has referred to the damage Kotoko does with fang imagery before and given that that’s what he’s currently healing. He has to be the one to save them because he’s the only one who can; as a result, to save lives, he has to care about his life right now. While he’s still unsure of what final verdict he wants, he knows that he needs to stay alive, at least going into trial 3.

VOTE: INNOCENT

Personally, this one’s a no-brainer. Es theorizes in the audio drama that Shidou only harvested organs from braindead patients, and though he never outright confirms it, based on his responses, it seems to me like that’s true. That means his crime isn’t as severe as we initially thought it was.

Additionally, he’s right; he is indispensable to us right now. He outright says in the audio drama that if he stops giving Mahiru care, she’ll die, whether or not anything else happens to her. That basically tells us that voting Shidou guilty means Mahiru dies. That’s not good, and I’d rather avoid prisoner death when we think it’s possible.

I also just don’t think it’s smart to change verdicts on him here. If we decide that, after all is said and done, we can’t forgive Shidou, we should do that with the third verdict. Here, we want to leave both options open. Right now, Shidou is torn between wanting to live and wanting to die. If we switch to guilty, we’ll ruin any chance he has at recovering a will to live and a will to atone through any means other than death. If we want to preserve the option of forgiving him in the end, I think we have to forgive him here. We can debate whether his actions were forgivable or not in the last round.

[kissitbttr]

Miggy getting babied by his pregnant wife?

hiii! i hope you don’t mind, i changed it a bit because I don’t want it to look too much alike on the other one! this one’s short, enjoy! xx

-

being a mother to a 6 month old pregnancy bump isn’t easy. if it was, fathers could do it.

and that’s what miguel had been learning through it all. seeing your mood swings shift in a span of thirty seconds, constant cravings for ice creams, kebabs etc, snapping (directly at him and mostly at him), frequent backaches and fatigue. he’s very much impressed how an existence of a human being living inside of you could actually change you as a person.

still, doesn’t mean he loves you less.

“ugh, i’d give my left tit for a big plate of mofongos and a fat ass joint right now”

the two of you are cuddled up in the couch, watching some lame old american tv show that miguel seems to find enjoyable. you’re dressed in one of his t-shirt and grey sweatpants. ones that you had claimed as yours despite miguel’s protest.

your husband chuckles, pulling you closer by the shoulder. “lucky you, mami. i bought an extra before i came home just for you. i could heat it up for you later if you want.”

a dreamy sigh escape your lips, reaching out to kiss his cheek. “thanks papi. you’re the best. what about the joint?”

he snorts, head shaking as his eyes cast down to yours. “i don’t think weed is good for the baby.”

“says who?” you fake a gasp, pulling back slightly. “it’s literally herbal! unless it’s contaminated with tobacco. don’t we have a stash up in the closet?”

“you finished them all, ma. basically rolling those joints with your pretty fingers before this happened” he points at the bump. “usted es avaro, mi corazon. barely left some for me”

a smile pulls up into your mouth, head resting against his bare chest. hand interlocking with his. “remember when we were celebrating our one year anniversary and got high?”

“ay dios mio” he groans playfully, rolling his head back. “don’t remind me, baby”

“it was so fun” you ignore the embarrassment creeping into his cheeks, grinning even wider when he tries to hide it. “we went to taco bell after.”

“yeah and i threw it up because it tasted like shit”

you hum, nodding along. “and decided to get shawarmas and fries instead because we weren’t satisfied”

“one with the small food truck in 133th street” he confirms, his cheek against the crown of your hair. smiling at the memory. “i remember you told me not to get ones from across that italian place that you like because we need to support small business. had to stop you from crying too much because you kept saying how unfair it was for rich bastards to keep open up restaurants when they have shitty palate”

his comment makes you laugh hard. his grip around your hand tighten. some sort of pride blooms in his chest when he sees you laugh freely like that.

“oh god i remember!” as you slowly recover from the laugh. “we sat on the pavement after that right? you kept telling me how you want me to be the mother of your child.”

“damn, why do you keep recalling all the embarrassing things i did, huh?” he asks jokingly with a deep chuckle. now his attention isn’t even on the tv anymore.

“because it’s cute! you were so cute!” he shakes his head once more, biting down a shy smile as you shift your body weight to wrap your arms around his neck. “my miggy is so cute with the ‘i want you to be my wife, i want to get you pregnant, mi amor. say yes please, please, pleaseeeee’”

you continue to mock his actions back then, watching him cower down at the attempt of you trying to mimic his voice. strangely enough, you almost got it right.

he has his hands covered his face.“stop that, princesa! come onnnn”

you respond with a head shake as a ‘no’. “ay, papi don’t be shy” you giggle, trying to pry his hands off. “come on. let me see my hubby. let me see him”

miguel doesn’t budge for a while before peeking in-between his fingers like a little kid, then slowly peeling his hands away, jutting his lower lip forward.

you gasp, hand over your heart. “god damn! you can’t be walking around looking like that! can’t have all the girls falling for the sexiest man alive”

he rolls his eyes, smiling at your compliment. “stop being biased, baby!”

“i am not! how dare you calling the mother of your kid a liar, hm?” you tug him down, letting his head rest in between your neck and shoulder blade. “my baby daddy is sooo handsome. i won the fucking lottery.”

“definitely the other way around, love.” he disagrees, hand coming up to rest on your bump. “you stole my heart the moment you walked into my office that day. never thought in my life that a gorgeous architect made me get down on my knees and pray to the lord up there to let me have you.”

now that makes your heart skips a beat. how could you compete with that? he never fails to make you swoon even after years of being with him. it’s like the butterflies never stopped.

“hmm now you’re being biased, miggy”

“nope. i was so sure that i was in love with you.” he then turns to look up to you, tone becoming serious. “my god, you were the finest thing i have ever laid my eyes upon, mami. was literally bending over backwards to impress you. and now? seeing you swollen with my baby just made you ten times more gorgeous than before. you’re the love of my life, mi amor. and i will prove it to you for the rest of my life if i had to”

truly, you had never believe in luck or hope. it’s something that never sits well with you. odds never had been in your favor and you believed that for the longest time. you were fine being all alone. you have a job that pays you well, great condo, a body that you learned to adore, a loving mother. four things that you have always been so grateful for. you wouldn’t change a single thing.

but when miguel happened? everything in your life had changed for much better. from having to do everything on your own to ‘i got this one baby’. sure, you weren’t exactly comfortable with it at first, because you had never been the one who had asked for help.

yet you learned to love it all because of him,

with a grateful smile, you trace your fingertips across his soft lips. beautiful red eyes not leaving yours, as if he’s afraid that if he looks away for a second he would lose you completely,

“you’re the love of my life too, miguel”

-

don’t forget to reblog and comment babes!! xx

[st4rgrl4l1f3]

There was literally no excuse for the way Simon and Soap were the stupidest fucking people together. And only together. They are skillful soldiers, they always complete their mission. But holy fuck, take them out? Put them on a damn leash. It’s like two dogs trying to look at everything whilst on a walk.

Nothing could prepare Gaz for the way Price genuinely says shit like “whoopsies” “We’re in a bit of a jam, huh?” “Uh oh”. Kinda like if he was talking to a little kid. Gaz didn’t know why he used those kinds of words, here’s this special forces captain whom he thought was stone cold; apparently that only applies on the battlefield.

Alejandro’s mind was completely empty, watching Ghost, Soap and Gaz attempt to learn more Spanish. Soap couldn’t roll his R’s, Gaz sounded American whilst attempting to say a word that had been troubling him. It was Ferrocarril. Railroad. Ghost thought that turning Spanish subtitles on his show would help. It didn’t. “Joder, sois estúpidos de cojones..” (Holy shit, you guys are stupid as fuck..).

If Soap is mad, he won’t hesitate to scream. Yell. Only if it’s in the comfort of his home. Captain Price once came over and thought Soap was being attacked. No. He burned his breakfast. Running into the kitchen, gun in hand, he watches Soap pop more toast into the toaster. “Hope my eggs won’t get cold.” “Fuckin hell, Soap. I thought you were dying.” “No, I burned my toast.” “Fucks sake.”

Ghost genuinely cannot go a week without wreaking havoc. Scaring the shit out of people. He likes scaring the new young soldiers, ones who think they’re all that because they got into the military. That is, until Ghost comes up behind them, a heavy hand on their shoulder. “You ever been on the battlefield?” Said in a voice deeper than he’d normally go, but it was funny as shit to him, watching the soldiers jump and then looking straight into their eyes, watching as they attempt to politely disengage in the conversation.

Alejandro frequently plays video games, hard ones that he gets up on his high horse talking about “How hard can a Videojuego be?” (How hard can a video game be?” …Until he is red with rage, veins popping out of his forehead, hands shaking and squeezing the controller so tight that Rudy thought it was going to break. “No es tan grave, Alejandro ..” (It’s not that serious, Alejandro..” he says, getting more and more quiet as he spoke. Alejandro looked back at him, throwing the controller into the wall (denting it.) “You try then, Pendejo.” He says in a dark, creepy ass voice.

The teams genuine reaction when Gaz pulls out a book on the helicopter and starts reading is fucking insane. “Reading?” Ghost comments, wide eyed and sounding astonished. “I mean, the flight will be long. Might as well” He says, shrugging. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’, Gaz.” Soap scans Gaz’s eyes, looking for any humor in them. None. He was completely serious?? “Well, nothin wrong with a bit of reading, yeah boys?” Captain Price reads the room—“..You guys seriously don’t read? Ever?” “Why the fuck would we read-“ they both chirp in unison.

Captain Price is either over dressed or under dressed for the occasion. Why are you wearing a suit at Christmas dinner…And why are you wearing shorts and a Metallica shirt to church…Sometimes Gaz helps him dress so that he won’t look out of place. Has to take him out shopping since he’s rarely in normal clothes, I mean he’s got his gear and a civilian outfit (STRICTLY a civilian outfit.), maybe four shirts, a few pairs of shorts, three pairs of jeans, and a pair of sweatpants. Which wasn’t exactly bad, but for church that just will not do, Captain!!!

Soap has no social anxiety. He’s loud when he laughs, talking with random men at the bar, telling his story to some guy named Daniel who he just met 13 minutes ago. Which for the record, Daniel thinks Soap is fucking awesome. Holy shit dude, you’re a special op? Yeah that’s not something you see everyday. Him and Daniel now meet at the bar a few times per week when Soap is given the green light to do so.

[hockeyshmockey]

Carlos Sainz Instagram Edit

Carlos x OC!Miss Colombia

Ignore my bad google translate thx

liked by landonorris, alexandrastmleux and 1,420,293 others

paoladiaz lo mejor de ser miss colombia es poder ayudar a la comunidad que me crió (the best thing about being miss Colombia is being able to help the community that made me)

view 238,283 comments

user la princesa del pueblo de colombia🫶🏻 (the people’s princess of colombia)

user why is lando norizz here… mans has no SHOT

user Paola is friends with Carlos’ sisters I think, so they may have ran into each other at some point

liked by missuniverse, f1wags and 1,284,393 others

location Mexico City, Mexico

paoladiaz Me encantó explorar México con amigos y, por supuesto, ver algunos autos dando vueltas (loved getting to explore Mexico with friends and of course watch some cars drive in circles)

view 296,293 comments

user I love that the girls are friends outside the competitions :)

user the way paola was the girls tour guide in the paddock

user ok she seemed very familiar… I didn’t know she’d been to more than like two races before?

liked by f1gossip, misscolombiafans and 390,291 others

Kymillan this weekend at the Mexico GP, the paddock was graced by a group of Miss Universe contestants. Fans may remember that this is not Paola Diaz’s first GP attendance, as she has attended both the Spanish GP and Monaco GP as Aston Martin and Ferrari guests respectively

view 2,394 comments

liked by gridgossip, hotchillipepper, and 4,280 others

f1wagupdates as many saw this weekend Paola Diaz was back in the paddock with some of her fellow miss universe contestants. Rumors have circled her for a bit, seeing some casual interactions with drivers and low key GP attendances.

This weekend brought more interesting moments as while her fellow contestants spent the weekend in the Red Bull Garage, who hosted the group, Paola spent her weekend in the Ferrari garage. Can this be chalked up to her friendship with the Sainz sisters? Or is more going on here?

view 653 comments

user have you seen how Carlos looks at her? That man is in love

user tbt to that one Ferrari vid where Charles made Carlos admit paola was his celebrity crush and his sisters aired him out on instagram 😭

user don’t mind me just thinking about that time Paola was seen out shopping with Reyes in Madrid and they were giving MIL and DIL behavior

Liked by charlesleclerc, paolasnumber1, and 1,728,035 others

carlossainz Dos años amándote, con cien más por venir

(Two years of loving you with a hundred more to come)

view 190,382 comments

user no you’re kidding

user RUE WHEN WAS THIS?

user Carlos said soft launch? Soft bomb

paoladiaz amor☀️

landonorris sickening, absolutely sickening

charlesleclerc thank god, I had too many close calls with this secret

liked by misscolombia, checoperez and 1,562,920 others

paoladiaz to the man who has been by my side for some of the best moments in my career, words will never be enough

view 238,823 comments

carlossainz you deserve it all amor

user I’m throwing up

landorizz oh wow

user this is unbelievable

user name a prettier couple I’ll wait

user it’s the way they’re been supporting each other for years in the background to keep things private😭

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, yourbestiename, daddyyankee, badbunnypr, and 6,678,356 others.

yourusername LOCA CON MI TIGRE, LOCA, LOCAAA, EL ES MÍO COMPLETO TEN CUIDAO SI ME LO TOCAS…..

View all 1,900 comments

yourbestiename I can’t wait for the new song 🔥knowing you, you’re gonna kill it mama.

yourusername 🤪🤪🤪😘

user You’re married to him and have kids with him why do you still need to claim him?

yourusername I need to “claim” him to let you little hoes know he’s all mines, and he isn’t going anywhere 💅🏼

badbunnypr 🔥 DURAAA

yourusername 🤝🏻

jackharlow 🥵 🥵 They ain’t ready!!!!!!!

user boy sit down you don’t even understand half the shit she be singing 💀

jackharlow 🙄 Maybe so, but I was on set with her while she shot the video and my wife looked sexier than ever!!!!!!

yourusername 😘☺️☺️

•

Liked by yourusername, jackharlow, yourbestiename, cozane, and 6,567,356 others

urbanwyatt We were on set with Y/N & this was Jack all the damn time, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her 🙄 I’m pretty sure they ended up making a baby after this in the parking lot or even in the dressing room.

View all 1,900 comments

yourusername Not you exposing us…

urbanwyatt Did I lie tho?

yourusername 👀 🙈

jackharlow We definitely did 🤪 in the back of the car, in the dressing room, maybe even it the restroom.

druski2funnny You nasties I’ll be texting mama Maggie, letting her know all about your sins

jackharlow You think my mama don’t know I’ve been folding my wife like a pretzel?

yourusername Stop it I’m shy 🙈

claybornharlow She knows and she said to tell you two to stop, unless y’all giving her more grand babies .

jackharlow Ohhhh most definitely

yourbestiename Do you give her a break? She be popping these kids out left and right!!!

jackharlow NOOO and I don’t plan on stopping.

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, cozane, 2forwoyne, claybornharlow, and 6,345,577 others

yourusername On mommy mode. Nothing compares being at home with your children.

View all 2,900 comments

jackharlow My babies 🥺 💜 I love you all so much.

yourusername We love you 😘

yourbestiename I’m sad you guys didn’t join us on the road 💔🥺

yourusername We are too 😩

claybornharlow Little ones, can’t wait to meet the new baby Harlow tho

yourbestiename Uhmmm what?

druski2funnny YALL PREGNANT AGAIN?

cozane Wtfff???

yourusername Nice going brother 🤦🏻‍♀️

claybornharlow I- What? I thought… I’ll see my way out of here!!!!!!

jackharlow I’M BEATING YOUR ASS!!!

urbanwyatt Wait you’re having another baby? No way I’m finding out through here 😡

yourusername 🤪😈 Noo, we were testing him, and CLAYBORN YOU FAILED!!!!!!!

claybornharlow What?

jackharlow 💀 It’s what you get for telling mom we were moving.

yourusername & for spoiling her Christmas presents!!!! 🙄

claybornharlow So y’all not moving and not having another baby?

yourusername 🤫 🤪

•

Liked by urbanwyatt, cozane, djdrama, yourbestiename, yourusername, and 6,467,865 others

jackharlow Make sure y’all go watch my wife’s new music video 💥 she’s on another level. Always proud of you mama 💜🤤

View all 1,900 comments

yourusername Te amo 😘🫶🏻 you’re the best.!

jackharlow 😘😘😘

urbanwyatt Sheesh 🔥

yourbestiename GO BEST FRIEND! THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!

djdrama 🔥 🔥 Mrs Harlow is a beast

jackharlow She really is 😎 🤪

g_eazy I’m trying to do more than a feature with her 🥵

urbanwyatt Are you stupid or something?

cozane He’s outta his mind

g_eazy Oh my bad I thought I was under her posts.

jackharlow 🤔 Na keep it up bro, I’m not playing anymore. Stop coming at me sideways and stop trying to get at my wife. She’s made it perfectly clear she’s not interested. One last chance I’m giving you to learn and stay in your place.

•

Liked by yourusername, urbanwyatt, nemoachida, claybornharlow, and 6,456,367 others

jackharlow Our anniversary was two weeks ago, we’ve been super busy so we didn’t really plan anything. Little did I know my wife had something up her sleeve. She made sure I flew out to Cabo and then she surprised me with this at the beach. We spend a little weekend gateway, now we’re on our way to our kids. I love you more than words can say baby, you make me the happiest man alive. Thank you for this life and for our beautiful children. I can’t wait to see what’s next for The Harlow family 💜

View all 1,900 comments

yourusername TE AMOO POR SIEMPRE MI AMOR!!!! 😘🫶🏻 Thanking god and your mama for the man that you are.

claybornharlow Did I do good ? I didn’t spoil the surprise!!!!!

yourusername You did amazing, for once!!! Thank you little brother 🫶🏻

urbanwyatt 📸 Me 🙋🏼

yourusername Duhhhhh

yourbestiename OMG SHE DID THAAAT.

user If this isn’t clear enough to Gerald then idk what is 💀

g_eazy No I got it 🙄

jackharlow 😎😎

kaliuchis 😩😩 Most cutest shit ever. You did that friend

yourusername 😘☺️

nemoachida Guys, if she wanted too, she would

jackharlow No one like my wife though ☺️🤞🏼she’s one of a kind.

yourusername 😭😘😘😘

•

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux

@harlowsbby

@arination99

@cmalass

@jackharloww

@minkookie95

@deannaard

@jacksmoviestar

@harlowcomehome

@fdl305

@httpkoylinnn

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@gabbylovesreading

[peeterparkr]

red; tom's version|one.

chapter one: sad, beautiful tragic. “Long handwritten note deep in your pocket”

pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (tom's not famous here) story summary: you’re reminiscing through your relationship months after the heartbreak and breakup. Wondering if it went wrong from the very start when Tom arrived at New York, and him being a cautionary tale or if the problems came along the way. Perhaps the key to find back your way to him is going back through the nice things before the heartbreak came. Or is it too painful to go all over again?

chapter summary: you haven't seen him since he ditched you, after months of wearing plaid you go out and realize he's back in new york warnings: angsty, I mean it's a breakup, swearing. word count: 7.3k playlist (updated after each chapter, including Red songs+ other for the chapter): Spotify | Apple Music

fic masterlist next chapter

a/n: Hi, I couldn't wait to share it so I said, screw it, I'm posting this. You don't know how excited I am to write this and share it with you. As you know, this is inspired by Red by Taylor Swift and will hurt. So I expect us all to be crumpled up pieces of paper wearing scarves by the end of this. (perennial is still coming, I'm just waiting on a few people who're reading it). SPECIAL THANKS TO @erodasghosts for reading it and hyping me up and helping me figure this all out. I hope you guys all like it as much as I did. The story is set in New York. Please give feedback!

One month after the breakup.

Strong whiskey, on the rocks. That was his drink of choice that night. The night before had been a beer. You knew you could imagine the taste of his lips by only looking at him. You wondered if he’d gone there for a second night for the same reason you had.

When you had seen him across the place the night before, you had tried to decide how to feel. We always think we will react one way or another when we see our official heartbreak walking through. Victorious as he is perfectly dressed, with his hair flowing.

He hadn’t brought her. Which you didn’t know how to feel about.

The day before you had not been alone, Jules, Matty, and Lula were there.

“Shit, the axolotl at 10 o'clock, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Lourdes, Lula, had whispered before sipping her drink, a Long Island Tea. “We are celebrating she’s doing better, can’t fucking believe this,” she hissed at Jules who only lifted her chin slightly to see who she was referring to. “What the fuck is he doing here? Ay, es que, con qué huevos se atreve a venir aquí? Que no mame.” [with what balls did he dare to come here? He shouldn’t fuck with us. ]

You loved hanging out with Lula and listening to her very refined Spanish cursing.

“It’s not him,” Julia said.

You tried looking back to see who they were referring to. “Who is—?”

“Y/N, wait I just noticed the haircut!” Matt pointed out, reaching over, getting your attention back to them and not at whatever they were referring to. “It looks great. It’s like a new you!”

This new you. The one that had been screwed over twice. Men really have the nerve when it comes to breaking hearts. They recklessly go in and let you believe love comes in all shades of colors, passionate red like the roses they send, and tender pinks like your sweet innocence that they end up stealing. But they never tell you it’ll be you all alone in a dark room with shades of grey under a flickering light that barely warms you.

The new you, which was still a bit lost. Your old self was a stranger to you now. You had no idea who this new you was, she was quiet now. Didn’t have a heart because someone had stolen it and broken it and left it behind a dumpster. Still trying to find it. The new you wasn't.. you.

Your friends were glad, however, they finally got you to go out again. After weeks of wearing plaid and watching Fleabag, and even considering watching Greys Anatomy, a low point, you had finally decided to come back to see if there was any sunshine left for you.

It’s important to point out that you had been broken-hearted and almost crazy when the breakup had happened. Very… delusional. You were not proud of the way you’d reacted. Although you wouldn’t have reacted any other way.

The city had been quiet, the red lights seemed to last longer, and the crowds would often swallow you. The city you once loved was now an open book of a relationship that seemed real, should’ve known it was all fiction.

In your dreams they’d be bright, colorful. The village is aglow. Cold days with warm hearts. Like his.

You’d been cold ever since.

“Ah, yeah, the haircut. Got it today. Lula’s idea” The haircut had come as the solution to a problem that would never be solved. As if cutting your hair meant there was something you had the power on. You didn’t.

How stupid was it? You couldn’t control your life.

“It suits her well, doesn’t it?” Lula admitted proudly.

You still had his picture engraved in your heart. You still dreamed he would come back and say it was all a nightmare.

“It’s nice, I’m glad to have you back,” Jules commented. Julia had probably been the most surprised with the news of the breakup, she had almost gone and killed Tom when he had….unimportant. She hadn’t, though, and she had yet to tell you the reason why. Julia had been mysterious since.

“I’m glad to be back,” you confirmed. You’d ordered a beer, and maybe you shouldn’t have. Stella Artois, his one favorite. You pocketed the beer cap. “Though I was not gone.”

Matt watched you, him and Julia had recently started dating. Best friends since kids who just recently confessed their feelings for each other, took them long enough. “How back are you, though?”

“Meaning?” You asked, taking a sip.

Matt shrugged, “I could introduce you to some friends from work, there’s this hot guy—“

“No,” you interrupted him, leaving the bottle down as you had almost choked. “No, no. Not in the dating area yet. Won’t be in a long time. Still healing.”

Lula still had her eyes glued elsewhere. “Healing from a bullet hole, y/n, whatever you’re doing isn’t working, and band aids won’t fix it—Jules it is, I swear to god it’s him.”

“It’s not him,” Julia rolled her eyes.

“Ay, que sí!” [he is]

“Who?” You asked.

Julia took your hands, “you know Lula,” she rolled her eyes. “I love that you ordered a beer.”

“Yeah,” you gulped. “Beer is universal language for men as in: ‘don’t get close to me.’” A lesson someone dear had taught you once.

Matt tilted his head in agreement, “Yeah.”

“Really?” Lula frowned, “should’ve ordered one. Next time I’ll ask for my drink but instead of a glass I’ll ask them to put it in a beer bottle.”

“Wouldn't it be easier to order a beer?” Matt suggested.

“But then I’d break our tradition.”

Matt watched her, “you really are something.”

You chuckled.

“Why is beer seen as not—feminine?” Matt questioned.

Julia shrugged. “It’s beyond me, really. It’s a drink.”

“Like does my drink make me less of a man?” Matt watched his glass, another Long Island Tea. A stupid inside joke you all had.

“No,” you admitted. “But you know how society is. Since it’s sweet, it’s got to be—“

“Oh, no, no, I love you, y/n, but tonight I don’t want you lecturing us on it, no, tonight we are having fun, ok?” Lula reminded you. “We will not talk about femininity or lack of a beer—or whatever your agenda is up to these days, which, hey! Why does y/n get to break the rule?” Lula questioned. “No Long Island Tea?

Julia glared at her, “Because she can do whatever she wants tonight,” she hissed and then turned to you. “But how are you feeling? It’s your first time going out in months, is it as fun?” Julia was the one to try to cheer you up the most.

No, it wasn’t fun.

“I—feel good!” You lied. Although you were not. But you guessed that’s the response they wanted after seeing you laying down on the ground and crying yourself to sleep. Staring at windows and walking down in the rain. They wanted you to feel better.

Your body was covered in scars.Though, they were from adventures.

“Bullshit,” Lula intruded. “You seem sad. Maybe I’ll get some shots,” she announced before going to get some.

“Well,” you chuckled. “My first time going out and you bring me back to the place where it all started?” You answered cynically but then shrugged. “I’m—I…no. I just—It’s weird. I still see him everywhere, and as I’m here it’s like watching a movie of our greatest moments,” you admitted. “Like hey, look over there, it’s Tom and Y/N’s greatest moments,” you stated, Lula got back. “Let’s start memory lane…”and you sighed and continued with the best presenter voice you had. “Here you’ll wonder how the hell did it go so wrong since they were so perfect, what the hell went wrong, when did it turn into some sad stupid love affair. You’ll be asking yourself hey, they seemed in love, over there, they danced! Over there… they sang a song together! See over there? There was a fucking jukebox in which they have memories! Oh they have memories there too! And you’ll ask yourself, he made it seem real, what the hell happened?” You sighed exhaustedly. “What happened? What the fuck happened? How was I so stupid?” You ran your hands through your face.

Your friends only watched you, with pity, sadness. Even Lula had turned her gaze guilty.

You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Lula sighed, “it’s our fault for bringing you here. We’re fucking idiots. Besides he is—Julia I swear to god, he is there.” Lula raised her hand and Julia quickly pulled it down.

Julia bit her lip, “I—hadn’t realized how much Tom there is here.”

“Yeah.”

“He called me—“Matt had started.

“No, no, we can’t talk about him, baby,” Julia reminded him. Matt widened his eyes and nodded.

You blinked, “no, it’s—He called you? Tom?” Why had Tom called Matty? What for?

“Yeah, had a missed call,” Matt explained, ignoring his girlfriend. “I—it was this morning.”

You felt your chest twist. “Yeah, I get a lot of those too.”

Perhaps he wanted to talk to you and thought Matty was dumb enough to give you the phone.

Julia glared at Matt. “We promised not to—“

“No, hey,” you stopped her. “I—sorry, I brought him up.”

“But we shouldn’t talk about him,” Julia insisted. “Tonight is all about having fun,” she stated as she handed everyone their shots.

“No, it’s alright,” you said. “I’m fine talking about it.”

Lula turned her gaze to you. “Shouldn’t you hate him?”

Were you supposed to hate someone who gave you something so beautiful? Just because it’s over doesn’t mean you have to look back and hate it.

“No,” you answered simply.

Matt watched you. “Wait, really?”

You took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m—I decided I’m thankful for everything. He really… I… I mean I knew from the start he was trouble. But he got me to get rid of Will. So I’m thankful for Tom. He showed me some beautiful things about him, about myself and… I’m thankful. Even the part when he broke my heart.”

It was a lie. Partly. You had been so full of doubts that you only tried wondering why it had gone so wrong. Or course, the lie was there. His lies. But how could any of it be a lie?

Julia smiled gently, “You’re really a grown up.”

“Or very stupid.” Lula commented.

“Thanks, Lula, I appreciate it,” you rolled your eyes. “I… well, I’ve gotta admit I was pretty stupid.”

Lula shrugged, “Hey, I don’t blame you, boy came in with an accent, he had a cute smile, he was hot, I must admit, and he wasn’t one of those Brooklyn fuckboys that take you to the rooftop and offer you a whiteclaw to watch the sunrise together,” Lula gave in.

“Oh, and they take candid pictures, and they say that their phone camera isn’t as good as their polaroid,” Julia laughed, “But hey, you’re lucky they took you to the rooftop, they never take anyone there, they took you there just because you’re…”

“Different,” Julia, Lula and you chanted.

Matt laughed, “You guys are the worst.”

“Anyway,” Lula said. “We should drink these,” she pointed at the shot glasses as she raised her own. “I came here to get drunk. So, to Y/N being thankful Tom was a piece of shit even when the boy had a dreamy accent?”

You closed your eyes, and let out a defeated dry chuckle. “Yes, to that.”

“To the piece of shit, then!” Lula grinned as the shots clinked and were downed. You instantly regretted drinking it.

Lula scowled as she had her eyes glued back at the bar, “It’s him, Julia, it’s him! What is he doing here? Pendejo, I swear to god I’ll go kill him.” She was furious, and you tried once again following her gaze.

The bar was crowded, red lights crossed around the place, with girls walking with tall heels, trying to smile and nod at guys who were talking to them but clearly were not of interest to them. Friends laughing, people flirting. You didn’t know who your friends were watching.

But the bar seemed to be enough of a reminder of him. How he had made you feel like crowds were never there, and how whenever you had been with him everything disappeared just to be with him.

“Who are we killing?” You questioned.

“Is new y/n a murderer?” Asked Matt. Matt and Julia were your oldest friends. The three of you grew up in Staten Island, and now moved to the crowded places.

Lula coughed. “Hope she is.” Lula, on the other hand, you’ve met in college, she was a very defined addition to the friend group. With more personality. A strong one. Lula, Julia and you shared a small apartment.

Julia cleared her throat.

“The fucking scarf,” Lula scowled.

“What scarf?” Matt asked. And you had the same question.

Julia whispered to her boyfriend’s ear who had turned cold. He lifted his head.

“But it’s not.”

“It is him,” Matt confirmed to Lula. “Jules, it is.”

And now your three friends were acting strange. Usually they did but this was strang-er. They all shared looks, Julia struggled with her hands.

They were watching you with pity but you’d gotten used to that. After the breakup they had been extra careful around you, kinder, you guessed.

Fools they were to believe that by not mentioning him you wouldn’t think of him. He was a memory that would haunt you for the rest of the days.

“So, y/n,” Julia was clearly hiding whatever Lula was seeing.

“Wasn’t he in London? What in this fucking world is he doing here?” Lula continued.

“Shut up!” Julia ordered.

“London?” You asked and you lifted your head, and any noise that was bustling before had stopped.

Tom.

Tom was there.

Thomas.

Tom who had broken your heart. In every possible way that he could’ve. Like he had planned it. Like he was aware.

He was there, on a stool with a beer in his hand and wearing a red scarf. The red scarf. As if he was mocking you.

Tom.

Did he pride on hurting you?

He had always said you were invincible. That you were unrivaled in matters of the heart. Was he proud he had beaten the unbeaten?

You’d always thought he would.

When we love deeply, getting hurt comes as a given. But when we love deeply, we are never expecting it to come. And when it does come the skies cannot turn grayer. Funny thing, you were a fan of the rain but when the rain doesn’t cease, the hope doesn’t perdure.

But he was back in your life. Or at least he had been in the same room as you after months.

What was he doing back in New York with your scarf?

You turned back to your own table, breathing in quickly, bringing your hand to your chest in an attempt to calm yourself down.

You saw your friends speaking but you couldn’t make a word of what they’re saying. Your heart was rushing. Thomas was there. Tom. Your Tom. And there was a part of you that had completely forgotten over the heartbreak and wanted to run to him.

Kiss him, try to fix it. Try to bring back the beautiful thing you both had. Because it was. And it hurt looking back.

You were having trouble breathing now, the heartbreak had come.

That’s the worst thing about heartbreak. You never saw it coming, though you should’ve. Though it was beautiful you’d known from the start you’d end up hurt. But when a lie is crafted so beautifully, how could you?

“It’s him.” The words had come in whispers.

You barely remembered what had happened next. You had only stood up, decisive to leave, you’d seen him try to walk his way to you. You’d heard him call your name, but you hadn’t turned back, you had seen Matty stop him from running to you.

It was blurry. You didn’t know how you got home. Desperately trying to understand why he was there and how the night had turned too badly.

Lula and Matt had come back later to find Julia trying to comfort you, hugging a pillow that you were sure he had slept on. Breathless.

But it was in the past now, you were there again. Same bar, both in stools far away.

You were almost sure he’d gone to that bar in hopes of finding you again.

Just like you’d gone again.

His eyes the night before were guilty. You only took a deep breath, you remembered trying to avoid his glance at any chance as you had walked out.

Why were you there again?

That feeling in your chest growing, like there was something heavy expanding. Yet your stomach falling smaller. The pain was but a shield, as if it was creating a special protection around your heart, and though it hurt it was enough for it to make your heart strong to leave the place.

You didn’t want to see Tom. You hadn’t talked to him since. Even when he’d tried to call. Even when you’d tried calling.

Not when you had replayed the breakup over and over and over again since he was gone.

Everyone deals with breakups in different ways. Yours, specifically, was avoiding it. Everything and everyone. Especially Tom.

It was hard when he was everywhere. In that tattoo he’d convinced you to get, in that ring he’d left, in that cereal box that you still hadn’t finished. Whenever you listened to a song he’d recommended. Whenever you’d open Netflix and that series you had started watching together was still recommended to you even when you’d deleted it.

Everywhere.

You couldn’t use your favorite colors because you could hear it, in the back of your head “I love how it looks on you.” “You should wear more blue, it suits you.”

Even your stupid laugh remind you of him. “Your laugh is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard, even if it’s so ugly.”

You missed the person you were when he was with you. How everything was happy. Who was that y/n? Who didn’t mind if she was slightly late to a place because he’d come with you? Who didn’t feel alone at parties when she knew nobody because you knew him?

A y/n that existed only for a short period of time when he’d been around and that he’d shattered like glass when he had the chance.

You missed that y/n.

The y/n that would sometimes lose her breath and catch it back when he walked into the room. A y/n that sang along to her favorite songs all day. The one that would give her heart in a rush to him. The one that watched movies no matter if they were good or not.

Life had colors back then.

Now you were full of regrets and of doubts. Wondering what you had done wrong? Where did it lead you?

You looked up at him then. He was staring down at his glass.

There was a slight trace of him still there, the Tom you once loved. The one with the silly smile and the gentle chuckle, the one with the jokes about everything.

You wondered how much of that y/n he saw too.

You were the same two people, in essence. But how different you were now.

The Tom you knew before finding out it was a lie.

There was still a hint. You knew. But there was so much of him in you that it was hard to see if you still were there. Or the Tom you thought you knew. Not the one with the lie. Or maybe this was the truest Tom he could ever be.

He had to move on, rather quickly, you recalled. If he ever did.

There was a stupid reminder of you in his hand, that red scarf from the very first day.

You still remembered how it all started, a stupid red scarf. He kept it, then, and he wore it.

You had ordered a beer, too. You pocketed the cap again.

But there was an image in your mind, maybe he had gone back and probably had his arm around her and he laughed at a joke she made. Maybe she was funnier than you. Definitely prettier, with her hair falling down all the way to her waist, her clothing accentuating everything you didn’t have.

You recalled having to leave the room when you found out. You had been a mess.

Leaning against a wall as you caught your breath before the tears came down, as if he had pierced right through it. A pain chest that had expanded all the way on your body, not sure how you were able to keep walking back to your place. Falling down to your knees when you did.

Pain. Words failed to describe such a deep sentiment.

But it was gone now. Not entirely but at least you could hold your breath fine when he was just across the room.

What went wrong?

You could ask him. He was right there.

Maybe even tell him how you had lost sight. He hadn’t walked up to you. He was nervous, but he seemed calm enough to see you were there. You were still unsure why you had gone there.

Maybe all the good things were enough to bring you there, maybe the fact that you still didn’t believe it was a lie brought you there. Maybe the fact that one of those pictures from that photobooth was still in a locket. So stupid.

He fiddled with the glass.

You waited and waited but he didn’t approach you. He took out a paper out of his pocket as he stared at it.

You wouldn’t approach him. No matter how happy he had made you once, you wouldn’t walk to him. No matter how beautiful it was. No matter if you were lonely and that when you dared to sleep he’d be haunting your dreams.

It was a tragedy now. What you both were, and not even worth enough to try and save it. You knew you were haunting him too. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

He was shakin, as he stared at you, nervous. He downed his drink, you guessed it was for some liquid courage and stood up, with the note in one hand and your red scarf in the other.

Your own courage for coming here was gone, as you saw his intentions, the urge to run you had the night before was becoming you. But he couldn’t walk. He had to sit down again, rubbing his face.

The courage that had come when choosing what Lula called the ‘revenge black dress’ was nowhere in sight. You were cold and regretting putting it on.

“I can’t do this,” you said to yourself and quickly let out some dollars to pay for your drink before picking up your stuff to leave.

You saw he panicked when he saw you leaving, he quickly called the bartender to pay for his drink.

You closed your coat as you were shaking yourself, punishing yourself for going there. Why had you gone there? The man had broken your heart? Were you really there to see him?

Was your heart foolish enough to ignore the warnings in your mind once again?

You walked your way to get to the subway station, how irrelevant you were through the crowds. You hadn’t felt this way for a while, caring for the crowds. But you had to get through them. There was a part of you that wished Tom was following you after. But the crowds didn’t let you see if he was.

Besides, you shouldn’t want that.

You finally managed to get to the station, you clung to your purse as you stared at the tracks, waiting for the next train to come. Peaceful it seemed, the station. As peaceful as New York could be. You guessed if you cried nobody would care.

“y/n!” You heard your name in the distance and you couldn’t handle it.

You took a deep breath and shook your head, angrily. Why had you gone? You could’ve easily kept ignoring his calls. You could’ve stayed in your apartment, crying as you watched SNL videos on youtube, or rewatching a cartoon for the hundredth time, letting your own sadness and self pity swallow you.

But you had gone to him. This was your fault. You should’ve taken a cab, instead, he would know you’d get at this station and he for sure would know what train you’d take.

“y/n, y/n!” He kept calling as he finally arrived next to you. “Sorry I would’ve gotten here faster but the damn MetroCard-”

“I’m not doing this, Tom,” you stated before he could go on rambling like the idiot he was. You couldn’t do it. “Not here, not anywhere. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”

“I…” His face was kind, and he seemed to be nervous. You could tell he hadn’t been sleeping, probably the jet lag.

You took a moment to look at him, he didn’t look as victorious as you had thought he was. His hair was messy, and his cheeks flushed, the buttons on his shirt were not buttoned right.

Seeing him again, with that signature look he had made you want to go down to your knees.

“Aren’t you supposed to be back in London?” You snapped. “With that pretty girl-”

“No, no, I’m-I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Tom stuttered. “I was an idiot.”

You stared into his eyes, you were not ready for this. You were not ready to look into his stupid eyes. You looked away. “That’s all you have to say?” You tried walking away from him..

He shook his head. “No, no, no, no, I… No, I actually… I had this… I wrote down my apology,” Tom confessed. He showed you a sad, handwritten paper, now slightly teared up with the ink running. “I… I had….”

You looked down at it, his messy handwriting, crinkled with words scratched down. “You wrote it down?”

You didn’t know why you felt your heart warm. This kind of stuff was why you couldn’t understand what had happened. Someone like him, who writes his apologies down. Someone who stutters when he’s speaking.

“Yeah, I… but I spilled my drink on it after seeing you fled,” He explained, swallowing hard. “I… I… I had written it down so I wouldn’t forget it but now I realize how stupid that is… I’m… I’m really sorry, y/n.” .

You could hear the train coming. You were seeing him again. It hit you right there. And this was not the reaction you thought. You had said you would be delusional, crying and fighting and questioning him why the fuck he had done that.

Yet you weren’t. You were only watching him, eyes full of tears wanting to slide down but unable to. But there was that pain still in your chest.

How could he ever dare to hurt you that way? “I don’t want to talk to you,” you said. And meant it. “Please leave me alone.” You said before walking into the train.

“Y/N, please, no, please, please, listen to me,” He followed you in, the scarf still in his hand.

You tried sitting as far away as you could. Arms and legs crossed as you tried breathing in.

He sat beside you and you changed seats. He sighed but followed you again. “Please, I need to talk to you. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well you did,” you snapped. “You did, and now you come here a month later with a handwritten note apology thinking I will be fine with it?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had to solve-Please, would you listen?” Tom asked, knowing damn well he had to ask, and not just straight up blurt it out.

“Why would I, Tom?” You turned to him, with a tear traveling down your cheek. You were incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? I… You… You think that just because you show up with that stupid face of yours and my scarf I’ll want to listen to you? You’re an idiot.”

He sighed and reached to give you the scarf. You ignored it.You were furious now.

The other people on the train were certainly getting a show. A guy with a backpack was trying to pretend he wasn’t listening but his reactions were giving it away. Another woman pretended to keep reading her book but she hadn’t turned any pages.

Tom took the scarf back staring at it. “I need to explain everything to you.”

“What if I don’t want an explanation?” You snapped. Though you did. You had been waiting for one, you wanted one. You would beg for it. But your pride was taking the wheel of the conversation. “Don’t you think it’s fucking late for it?”

“Is it?” Tom turned back to you.

“Yes!” You couldn’t believe him. But this seemed a bit too familiar of a conversation. “And beside no explanation would make me forgive you!” You stated, whispering, not wanting any of the attention you were receiving.

“I’m not… I… If you just listen to me,” Tom said.

You glared, “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Then why did you come to the bar?” He asked.

He fucking asked.

Your eyes widened. He had gone there. He knew. He fucking knew you’d gone back because you wanted an explanation. Or so he thought. No, you’d gone back because… Yes, because you wanted an explanation. Because everything he’d done had been beautiful. Until the heartbreak. He had crafted and vexed his way into your cold stupid heart and then he had gone and pierced right through it, crushed it.

You wanted to ask why. Why did he do it so vehemently?

You didn’t answer, instead you moved one seat away. He kept his eyes on you.

“You wouldn’t have gone if you didn’t want an explanation,” he said. “Or to see me, at least. I know I did, I needed to see you.”

You saw the guy with the backpack purse his lips, knowing that Tom had got you. There was little context for them. The girl with the book directed a glance to you, trying to read your emotions.

If they knew, they’d be on your side and yelling at him as well.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face.

“I didn’t, it was a coincidence,” you answered coldly.

“No, it bloody wasn’t,” Tom scoffed and then sat up. “No, I’m… No, but you know, you went to the bar for a reason.”

“And I left for a million more,” you frowned.

Tom pursed his lips and took out the paper again, trying to make out whatever he’d written before. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes traced through the note.

“Are you genuinely trying to read it? Don’t you know what you’re supposed to apologize for?”

Tom looked up, “So you do want me to apologize?”

The guy with the backpack squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Tom had fucked up.

“You’re kidding, right? Yes, you have to apologize, what you did is really, really shitty!” You pointed out.

“But you won’t forgive me, then?” Tom watched you.

“I don’t know,” you said and he looked up, a beaming gaze. “No, I won’t.”

He wrinkled his eyes, “I… I know I’m supposed to apologize, not to expect you to forgive. I'm just…”

He gulped, and then sat back, staring at the dirty walls and lights. He had dressed up. Badly, but he had tried looking good, you could tell. You could smell his lotion, too.

He was fiddling with the paper, crumpling up and then it fell to the floor. You looked at it and somehow related to it, not sure how.

You took a deep breath so you wouldn’t kill him and turned to him. “I have questions for you, if you answer them I might consider listening to you.”

Tom’s eyes brightened up. “Yes, yes, anything.”

You eyed him up and down as he watched you with begging eyes. You avoided his gaze. Tom followed your gaze as you tried to figure out what was the first thing you could ask him. Why had he hurt you?

Why did he not stop and think before making you fall in love with him?

Why did he not stop and tell you the truth?

“Where are you staying?” You asked,

Tom blinked. “Is that… is that the question?”

“No, but I know you don’t know how to fucking get anywhere,” you said.

Tom gulped, “I… uh, again with Harrison,” he explained.

You sighed. You remembered Harrison alright. And though there was a petty part inside you, you would help him out. Knowing he’d always get lost in the city. Though you could let him get lost, so you’d have to go after him and spend a bit more time. With an excuse, because you didn’t seem to have any excuse to be with him.

It hurt. What hurt the most was trying not to look back at the incredible moments you had because none of them were true.

You sighed. “Okay, when we get down you’ll take the F train—“

Tom stopped you, taking your hand. “No, wait, I don’t care if I get lost, okay, I… I just.”

You snatched your hand away from his cold hands he had. You darkened your gaze at him.

“Please, Y/n, I just need a chance. If you don’t want to listen… maybe I’ll just…” He handed you the note.

You crossed your arms, and tapped your foot, trying to decide whether or not to give it to him. “Fine,” you took the note.

You've gotten to your stop. So you stood up.

The girl with the book and the guy with the backpack watched you both as you walked out, pitying they couldn’t follow the drama.

Tom followed after you, he licked his lips. “You… you had questions, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, taking yet another heavy breath. You turned on your feet to look at him “One, did you lie to me?”

Tom was taken back by this, his eyes, consternated, only watched you. He gulped. “What?”

“Did you lie to me?

“I… well.”

You were getting desperate. “Did you ?”

“I didn’t lie about how I felt,” he said. You knew he wasn’t lying about it. He couldn’t. He couldn’t have ever lied about how he felt because you knew he had felt it too, a bit, at least,

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“I mean it, I…” Tom gulped. “I really liked you.”

“Yeah, I know, you liked me yadda, yadda,” you started. Liked not loved. “Cut the bullshit for once, did you or did you not lie to me?”

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes. But I had feelings for you.”

You bit your inner cheeks. “Uh-huh, yes, okay, good, yes, you acknowledge it. So, we have two statements here, Tom. You say you had feelings yet you lied to me,” you squinted. “Sounds-”

Tom gulped and avoided your gaze. “I know yes,” he looked down. “But, if you give me-”

“Ah, buh-buh, nope, I’m just gathering my thoughts here,” you coughed. “I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me what you felt.”

Tom shook his head in confusion. “I—I’m”

“Go on,” you motioned your hand.

“Y/N,” he said. And the way he dared to say your name was like having a knife right through you. “I had—I have feelings for you,” he said looking right into your eyes.

He didn’t say what feelings.

You were not sure where you wanted to go with this. “Fine, my next question…” you really didn’t know where this was going. “So, alright, you…” You couldn’t even phrase it. “You… made me fall in love with you knowing….Well, we both know what you did. What you hid from me. You’re a liar who made me—“

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes, but I didn’t… plan that.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, so it’s my fault?” You stepped back. “Sorry for developing feelings for you. Sorry for ruining your life—“

Tom closed his eyes, “No, no, look, I… wasn’t. I didn’t come here expecting to meet you, I didn’t want… It just happened, okay, I never thought—You're making it sound like it’s some big master plan. I—I never planned—I never would’ve ever planned on hurting you.”

You watched him, incredulous. “Thomas you do realize what you did to me?”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t! You’re trying to make me seem like I’m crazy for not even wanting to talk to you!” You called him out.

“I’m not, I’m just saying that if you’re here—you must miss it too, you know it was too real, and you want it back, possibly—M-maybe not, but if you came to the bar tonight it was in hopes of finding me again because you knew I’d be there, and you want to feel how you felt before, and i just… you know I miss it and that you knew I didn’t lie—“

You glared at him. “You did lie!”

“Okay—yes, yes I did—But not entirely, I just happened to omit one truth—“

“One very important truth,” you snarked.

“Fine but—please listen,” he tried to convince you. “and I’m sorry, okay? I—I didn’t want to hurt you. But I never planned this. It just happened. I didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with anyone, I didn’t come here trying to date, and I never expected it to be someone as complex—“

“Complex?”

“Yes, I never came to New York trying to find the most mental relationship I’ve ever had—“

“Mental?” You snapped.

“Yes! I love you but you’re fucking crazy! And I am too! I’m fucking crazy and mental but I—I—I loved being crazy and mental with you! We are fucking mental! Driving to nowhere? Breaking into places? Getting a jukebox on the subway? That’s mental! But—but I love that about you, alright? Don’t you get it? I could’ve stayed in London, I could've been the asshole who just ditched you and lied to you—“

You scoffed. “Well that’s comforting!”

“But I’m—I’m here, ain’t I? And I know I fucked up, I know, I accept that, I’m the asshole here, and I know you’ll never—I hid it from you because I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t even get it myself. I’m here to give you my version of it. I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you…I am…,I am in love with you, and I never planned that, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone else, it just happened. I may have thought it was just—Some fling, initially.”

You laughed cynically. “A fling.”

He gulped. “And the moment I realized what was really going on—”

“You left, that’s what you fucking did, when you realized it was way too real for you, you destroyed the one real thing you’ve ever known,” you barked, he stepped back. “I fell in love with you, I—I—and then you ditched me, and I thought that was the worst thing you could ever do to me but then I realized that it wasn’t real! I—you were never mine, Tom! I simply was—a break you needed or—a fling.”

“It wasn’t that—“

You watched him. Looking so innocent, kind eyes and tender lips. You would’ve believed him had he come before.

“You used me!” You snapped, the words that had wanted to come for a while just blurted out. “I just can’t believe you,” you said. “You don’t feel sorry.” You shook your head, your voice was cracking. “You're not sorry because you don’t understand. You don’t know what I went through, and if you had come earlier, if you hadn’t left me, I probably would have believed you. But—No! No!” You stepped back. “No!”

“I did call! You never picked up the phone! I tried—“Tom started.

“Was I really expected to pick it up? Let’s get back to it. Shall we? The facts. Did you or did you not date me? And made me fall in love with you?”

Tom sighed. “I—yes.”

“Did you lie?”

“…yes.”

You nodded. “Was I the other one?”

Tom squinted his eyes. “No… yes, no.”

You took a deep breath. “Did you leave me without an explanation?”

Tom looked down. “I did.”

“Did you ditch me?”

Tom looked everywhere and nowhere. “Yes,” he answered, defeated.

“Now, do you think I can ever forgive you?”

Tom didn’t answer.

You reached for your purse, for the locket that dug deep inside. “I don’t know you,” you stated giving him the locket, the stupid locket you’d bought as a joke when making fun of other couples and now laughed in your face. “Whatever happened means nothing. Because that’s the thing Tom. Everything we lived was a lie, those two people in the locket are not us, because you weren’t who you said you were, no matter how much I loved it, it’s not true and though it was too many emotions all at once I’m—It’s not real, not for you. I spent this whole time thinking I wanted you to apologize but I don’t want it. That charming guy wasn’t truly you because you omitted one very important thing. You—What were you thinking? Were you planning to never say it? Or did you plan it like that? Just ditching me, hoping I wouldn’t find out—“

Tom took a deep breath. “No—No, I didn’t. I just—-I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you and I should’ve fixed it before—-“

“No, no you didn’t because it wasn’t enough for you.”

Tom gulped, “It was, it was—-the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“And you ruined it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“How little words mean when you’re a little too late, huh?” And that was the cue you needed to walk away. He silently watched you as you tried not to cry.

“I’m really sorry.” He said.

Was he?

“What if I try to prove it to you?” He asked as you were steps away from him.

You didn’t stop.

“If we go over this, you’ll see I never lied about it.” He continued.

“I already went over it, I remember everything, Tom, and maybe that’s why I don't want to talk to you.”

Tom walked behind, slowly. “I just happened to be very unlucky when it came to my own circumstances,” he reached over. “And I wish the timing had been better. But you’re right, it’s the one real thing I’ve ever had and I lost it because I hid something in fear of losing you. I lied because it was too good to be true. And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me but I think you deserve to know why. But you went to the bar for a reason, and you had the locket for another.”

You stopped this time. Looking down at the floor and then at his hand, holding your stupid scarf. You shook your head, you really didn’t want to go through it all over again.

“I know you won’t forgive me,” he stated. “But I can’t let you go. You’re everywhere. And I miss the person I was when you were around, and I won’t stop fighting because you’re everywhere. Dreams, nightmares.”

Funny. You were his demons too.

“Am I haunting your nightmares?” You asked. Tom only watched you.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just need—I really need you to listen to my version.”

“Fine then, let’s go down this sad, beautiful tragic love affair.”

-

next chapter

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[dancy-nrew]

idk if you read maddie's fic where es and duvall have a little talk about change and time (and chine & lyke), but i've been imagining what a parallel with chine and lyke discussing es and duvall might look like

i don't think either of them would directly acknowledge being insecure about es&duvall, but it might be like... one or the other comments something like 'isn't x a little too delicate for someone as rough as you?' and then they exchange stories/facts about their respective partners that prove otherwise?

which is a very long way of saying: "Lyke and Chine brag to eachother about how cool their partners are"

The deck of the ship is mostly empty as its occupants head inside for dinner, which suits Chine just fine. The baby is restless, and they'd hated the looks people had given It when they'd let it run around the dining hall last time. He’d only stayed long enough to stuff some food into his pockets for the two of them before coming back into the cool night air.

“Here you go, buddy,” they murmur, tossing a scrap into the air. It jumps for it in delight, claws click-clacking on the smooth wood as it scrambles for the prize. Chine tosses scraps higher and further and higher and further, until It doesn’t return from around the corner even when he calls. He frowns and moves to look. When they round the corner they frown harder. The baby is laying on its back as Lye Lychen laughs and scratches its belly with his foot, leaning against the wall with a cigarette held loosely in his hand.

“Hey!” Chine whistles and It rolls over and trots to his side. “What are you doing?”

Lyke gestures with the cigarette. “Rude to be inside.”

“I meant with It.”

“Oh. We were hanging out. Scratches.” He wiggles his foot in the air as if to demonstrate. “I think It was having a good time, weren’t you kid?” The baby wiggles in a way Chine has to admit is happy and Lyke looks unbearably smug.

“Ugh. Why does Es even like you?” Chine grumbles as he pets It’s head.

“What?!” Lyke yelps, eyebrows practically up in the air. “Why- Es likes me just fine!”

“I know,” Chine rumbles, “But why.”

It hadn’t really been a question but Lyke answers anyway. “We have- a- history,” he says, punctuating the words with hand gestures Chine doesn’t know how to interpret, ash falling and smoke hazily drifting upwards.

“A history of what?”

“Hm.” Lyke tilts his head. “Well. Theft, frequently.”

Chine nods, conceding that that could be a romantic activity. “She seems too fancy for you.”

Lyke snorts, but smiles. "She's very fancy. All the time she's fancy! We were in this gross- one time we went to this gross cave, it was like… wet all over, impossible to avoid, and she walked right through no problem, skirt gathered tastefully like at a- like a picnic or something. We're like that!"

Chine makes a face. "You're a gross cave?"

"No! Well. Yes, in this metaphor. I just mean she doesn't mind I'm not, fancy." He squints and points in Chine's direction. "Also Duvall is even fancier than Es!"

Chine bristles. "What does Duvall have to do with anything?"

"You're- you know." Lyke wiggles his eyebrows all over the place. “You’re…” Lyke does such an exaggerated wink Chine almost laughs. Lyke notices and grins which is enough to make Chine frown again. “You don’t have to admit it, I guess.”

Chine crosses his arms as It waddles back over to twine between Lyke’s legs. He doesn’t have to share anything with this man, but as annoying as he is there’s something about him that draws you in to talking. “Duvall goes into caves just fine.” Lyke cackles, eyebrows dancing again, and Chine throws a scrap of food at him that It quickly lunges after. “Shut up! Why is it a sex thing when I said it and not when you said it!” He laughs along, though, and moves to lean against the wall beside him. “Duvall doesn’t need to be fancy all the time. He…”

“Is a swarm of insects, sometimes,” Lyke nods.

Chine thinks of light refracted on wings and carapaces. Duvall is beautiful, he thinks. “Sometimes.” He stares out at the water. Lyke has such an easy confidence with people, sure of his standing. The motivation of others have always been more of a mystery for the cleaver. “Duvall likes me just fine.” He tries to say it with the certainty that Lyke had, squishing long absences and his new (good, he feels, but perhaps off-putting) physicality into something small and palatable. They imagine holding up doubt like a physical thing and placing it carefully on their tongue and biting down until it’s juices flow down his chin. When he glances over at the uncharacteristically quiet Lyke he finds the man with a calculating look on his face. When they catch eyes he smiles.

“Duvall likes you just fine.” He takes a last drag of the cigarette before putting it out on the wall behind them and placing it back in a crumpled carton which then goes back into one of many pockets. “Have a good night, Chine,” he waves his fingers in a smooth motion, one after another, then pats It on the head and goes back inside.

Chine runs his own hand over It’s smooth skin. He wonders if Duvall is in the dining hall. “Come on,” they say, gesturing with their head to get It to follow them as they head in after Lyke.

[dontspillthefrijoles43]

Lost Hero: III-Breisa

Falling for you…but not in that way!

Word count: 2702

Warnings: Cursing, brief mention of blood, injuries, teenagers being teenagers, spoilers for Hoo

Summary: Storms are alive now, Breisa has to try to fight and survive against wind

Likes ❤️ , reblogs 🔁, and/or comments 💬 are much appreciated :)

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—

The storm churned into a miniature hurricane. Funnel clouds snaked toward the sky-walk like the tendrils of a monster jellyfish.

Kids screamed and ran for the building. The wind snatched away their notebooks, jackets, hats, and backpacks.

Breisa’s Jean jacket whipped with the wind.

She shielded her face, so the debris fly in her eyes. And quickly she shuffled close to Piper.

“We need to find shelter!” Piper yelled, “Over there!”

She pointed to the glass doors. “Come on!”

They both started running towards the entrance.

Breisa screamed, “Oh my god, oh my god! Vamos a morir!”

“Piper! Dylan had yelled, “Wait up!”

Breisa didn’t trust him, but she waited to see what Piper was going to do.

In some weird form of bravery Piper had said "We have to help everyone else get in.”

And Breisa had replied “Estas loca!”

Now, Piper and Dylan were holding the doors open, herding the other kids inside. Piper’s snowboarding jacket was flapping wildly, her dark hair all in her face.

Normally it wouldn’t be in Breisa’s nature to help, especially since she'd panic the moment things go wrong. But she had nowhere else to be.

So in an attempt to be helpful she smiled weekly at her classmates, trying to reassure them.

But she was nowhere near as good as Piper. She looked calm and confident—telling the others it would be okay, encouraging them to keep moving. 

Breisa wondered where she got all that collected calm energy from.

Her train of thought was broken when she saw —Jason, Leo, and Coach Hedge running towards them. Or attempting to.

The wind seemed to fight them, pushing them back.

Breisa turned back to Dylan and Piper, they pushed one more kid inside. And out of nowhere, they lost their grip on the doors.

They slammed shut, closing off the sky-walk.

Piper tugged at the handles. Breisa made an attempt, pulling with all her might.

Inside, the kids pounded on the glass, but the doors seemed to be stuck.

“Dylan, help!” Piper shouted.

Dylan stood there with a grin on his face. His cowboy jersey was rippling in the wind. He was enjoying the storm.

Breisa was going to yell what the hell was his problem—

“Sorry, Piper.” He said. “I’m done helping.”

He flicked his wrist, a burst of wind hit Piper and Breisa. They flew in opposite directions.

Breisa skidded across the sky-walk landing right where Jason, Leo, and Coach where heading.

Jason caught himself from tripping and helped her up.

Meanwhile, Piper went backwards into the doors. 

“Piper!” Jason tried to charge forward, but the wind was against him, and Coach Hedge pushed him back.

“Coach,” Jason said, “Let me go!”

“Kid. Stay behind me,” The Coach ordered. “This is my fight. I should’ve known that was our monster.” 

“What?” Leo demanded. A rogue worksheet slapped him in the face, but he swatted it away. “What monster?”

The coach’s cap blew off, and sticking up above his curly hair were two bumps—like the knots cartoon characters get when they’re bonked on the head.

Coach Hedge lifted his baseball bat, but it wasn’t a regular bat anymore.

Somehow it had changed into a crudely shaped tree-branch club, with twigs and leaves still attached.

“¡Es un hombre cabra del diablo!” Breisa exclaimed shocked.

Dylan gave him that psycho happy smile. “Oh, come on, Coach. Let the boy attack me! After all, you’re getting too old for this. Isn’t that why they retired you to this stupid school? I’ve been on your team the entire season, and you didn’t even know. You’re losing your nose, grandpa.”

The coach made an angry sound like an animal bleating. “That’s it, cupcake. You’re going down.”

“You think you can protect  four half-bloods at once, old man?” Dylan laughed. “Good luck.”

Dylan pointed at Leo and Breisa, a funnel cloud materialized around them.

They flew off the sky-walk like they’d been tossed. Somehow they managed to twist in different directions, midair, and slammed sideways on the canyon wall. 

Breisa barely had time to registre the pain in her shoulder, when she began slid down.

She scraped on the jagged wall to catch herself, and her fingers hooked on a ledge about fifty feet below the sky-walk. Leo skidded, clawing furiously for any handhold. 

She caught his hand, barely, with her right. The rain made his hand smothered with canyon grime, his blood and water. His palm slid downwards slightly from her grasp. 

“Help!” he yelled upwards. “Rope, please? Bungee cord? Something?” 

He slipped more and more with each word. 

Then she felt him drop.

“¡MIERDAAAAA!" He cried.

“No!” She panicked. Don’t let him fall!

A knee jerk reaction course adrenaline through her. From her margine to her palms something shot out— a purple shadow spread from her hands, taking a form of huge hand.

The shadow caught Leo. It held him firmly by the waist.

He yelped in confusion as he hung in the air.

Without thinking, Breisa flexed her fingers in a grasping motion.

It pulled him towards her. 

“HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” Leo screeched, failing around a bit. 

“¡NO LO SE PENDEJO ! JUST GO WITH IT!” Breisa bit back, “ WILL YOU QUIT SQUIRMING?! I’M LOSING MY FOCUS!” 

Her grasp on him trembled a bit. 

Leo slipped slightly.

“NO ME DEJES CAER!” He squealed.

“STOP WIGGLING LIKE WORM THEN!”

Leo held his breath for a minute. She gain back control and him close enough to grasp his arm.

He exhaled in relief. And all at once his body shifted onto her. Her shoulder flared at the new weight.

“Puta madre! How is a skinny mother fucker like you so heavy?!” She grunted, trying to keep him steady. 

“Not my fault you got twig arms!” He remarked, trying to pull himself closer to a ledge. “¡Ay güey!” He nearly fell again.

Almost like a damsel in distress. Which by the way he was screaming—he was.

“God give me patience.” Breisa sighed, she hulled him up and grabbed onto his waist. Basically in semi bridal pose.

“Don’t you mean strength?” Leo smiled weakly, trying to ignore both the flutter in stomach and the death pit waiting for him.

“If god gave me strength, you would be dead.”

 His smile dropped. 

Before anything else could be said, someone shouted, “HEY CUPCAKES! WHERE ARE YOU?!” 

Leo let out a laugh of relief. “OVER HERE COACH!” 

His beady eyes popped up from above the ledge. He looked at how they hung on the ledge “This is gonna be tricky…”

-

Somehow, Coach managed to carry two teens on his back. 

 He moved swiftly between hills and edges, not even breaking a sweat. He was weirdly agile for being a middle aged goat-demon monster. 

Coach Hedge leap back onto the sky-walk and dumped Leo and Breisa like sacks of flour.

“Ow!” They both groaned as they hit the floor.

“Spirits, fear me!” Hedge bellowed, flexing his short arms. He looked around and realized there was only Dylan.

Or what was Dylan: now a giant puffy cloud of smoke with cowboys jersey and those god-awful glowing teeth.  

“Curse it, boy!” he snapped at Jason. “Didn’t you leave some for me? I like a challenge!”

“Where did you get that sword?!” Breisa exclaimed at Jason with wide eyes

Leo got to his feet, breathing hard. He looked completely humiliated, his hands bleeding from clawing at the rocks. “Yo, Coach Supergoat, whatever you are—I just fell down the freaking Grand Canyon! Stop asking for challenges!”

“Please. I don’t wanna end up like mash potatoes on the canyon floor” Breisa added, “Or saving his ass again.”

Dylan hissed at them. “You have no idea how many enemies you’ve awakened, half-bloods. My mistress will destroy all demigods. This war you cannot win.”

Above them, the storm exploded into a full-force hale. Cracks expanded in the sky-walk. Sheets of rain poured down. Breisa felt everything from her hair to her sneakers get soaked.

A hole opened in the clouds—a swirling vortex of black and silver.

“The mistress calls me back!” Dylan shouted with glee. “And you, demigod, will come with me!”

He lunged at Jason, but Piper tackled the monster from behind. Even though he was made of smoke, Piper somehow claw at his back. Both of them went sprawling.

They all surged forward to help—but the spirit screamed with rage. He let loose a torrent that knocked them all backward.

Jason and Coach Hedge landed flat on their butts, while the sword had skidded across the glass.

Leo hit the back of his head and curled on his side, dazed and groaning.

Breisa landed right beside him, pain shot up on her shoulder.

Piper got the worst of it. She was thrown off Dylan’s back and hit the railing, tumbling over the side until she was hanging by one hand over the abyss.

Jason started toward her, but Dylan screamed, “I’ll settle for this one!”

He grabbed Leo’s arm and began to rise, towing a half-conscious Leo below him.

“Let him go!” Breisa screamed, trying to use that shadow hand thing again. It was weaken by her exhaustion.

The storm spun faster, pulling them upward like a vacuum cleaner.

The shadows barely reached Dylan’s leg. The spirit hissed and kicked it off.

“You’re coming, too!” Dylan announced.

“¡Ay Dios mío!” Breisa grabbed onto the railing trying not to get sucked up into the vortex. 

“Help!” Piper yelled. “Somebody!”

Then she slipped, screaming as she fell.

“Jason, go!” Hedge yelled. “Save her!”

The coach launched himself at the spirit with some serious goat fu—lashing out with his hooves, knocking Leo free from the spirit’s grasp. Keeping the spirit away from Breisa.

Leo dropped safely to the floor, but Dylan grappled the coach’s arms instead.

Hedge tried to head-butt him, then kicked him and called him a cupcake.

They rose into the air, gaining speed.

Coach Hedge shouted down once more, “Save her! I got this!” Then he and the storm spirit spiraled into the clouds and disappeared.

After little to no thinking, Jason jumped over the railing like a lunatic. 

“¡Jason no puedes volar, tonto!” Breisa yelled frantically, pulling herself up to look over the railing.

She saw Jason and Piper descending into the pit.

Then they halt mid-air below the sky-walk, like they were hovering.

Breisa scratched her head, ``Huh. I guess he could fly.” 

Someone moaned in pain from beside her.

She hurried her way over to Leo. 

‘Why am I doing this?’ That part of Breisa— that couldn’t stand Leo—asked.

‘No time to think right now’ Her better half countered.

When Breisa reached him, she kneel on the floor and leaned over him.

Carefully she turned him over as he suck in a breath. She tried not to add more motion to his head.

His army coat was soaked from the rain. His curly hair glittered gold from rolling around in monster dust?

Leo eyes blinked and he seemed to be blacking out.

”Hey pendejo. No te duermas.” Breisa tapped his face, “How many fingers am I holding?” She put up two fingers. 

“F-four?” He stuttered dazed. 

“Close enough.” She could hear footsteps running up to them. Piper and Jason were beside them.

Piper and Jason looked over to Leo, worried and nervous.

“He’s alright—más o menos ?” Breisa shrugged. “ He might have a small concession …or he could be just dizzy from being swept up in that whirlwind. Lucky Coach got him on time.” 

“Stupid…ugly…goat,” he muttered.

“Where did he go?” Piper asked.

Leo pointed straight up. “Never came down. Please tell me he didn’t actually save my life.”

“Twice,” Jason said.

Leo groaned even louder. “What happened? The tornado guy, the gold sword, her hands glowing…I hit my head. That’s it, right? I’m hallucinating?”

Jason had forgotten about the sword.

He walked over to where it was lying and picked it up.

He flipped it. Midspin, the sword shrank back into a coin and landed in his palm.

‘I knew that coin wasn’t normal!’ Breisa thought.

“Yep,” Leo said “Definitely hallucinating.”

Piper shivered in her rain-soaked clothes. “Jason, those things—”

“Venti,” he said. “Storm spirits.”

“Okay. You acted like…like you’d seen them before. Who are you?”

He shook his head. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t know.”

The storm dissipated.

The other kids from the Wilderness School were staring out the glass doors in horror. Security guards were working on the locks now, but they didn’t seem to be having any luck.

“Coach Hedge said he had to protect four people,” Jason said watching the glass doors. “I think he meant us.”

“And that thing Dylan turned into…” Piper shuddered. “God, I can’t believe it was hitting on me. He called us…what, demigods?”

They stood in selience pondering what it could mean. 

“I- I saw something when we were at the gas station.” Breisa spoke up, they turned to her. “I thought I was losing my mind. But this lady…she came in all glowing like giant ball of sun.

And she..she..she was doing some weird shit. But she didn’t get to me. She spat at me and called me a Demigod. I blacked out….then—Then Jason appeared. ” 

Heavier silence followed.

Leo still on his back, stared up at the sky. He didn’t seem anxious to get up.

“Don’t know what demi means,” he said. “But I’m not feeling too godly. You guys feeling godly?”

There was a sound like dry leafs being step on, and the cracks in the sky-walk began to widen.

Breisa jumped up, “Uh guys?”

“We need to get off this thing,” Jason said. “Maybe if we—”

“Ohhh-kay,” Leo interrupted. “Look up there and tell me if those are flying horses.”

“I believe anything at this point.” Breisa murmured under her breath, looking up. 

She saw a dark shape descending from the clouds—too slow for a plane, too large for a bird.

As it got closer she could see a pair of winged animals—gray, four-legged, exactly like horses—except each one had wings the size of car-roof. And they were pulling a brightly painted box with two wheel…a chariot?

“Reinforcements,” Jason said. “Hedge told me an extraction squad was coming for us.”

“Extraction squad?” Leo struggled to his feet. “That sounds painful.”

“And where are they extracting us to?” Piper asked.

They all watched as the chariot landed on the far end of the sky-walk. The flying horses tucked in their wings and cantered nervously across the glass, as if they sensed it was near breaking. 

Two teenagers stood in the chariot—a tall girl with braids maybe a little older than all of them, and a bulky dude with a shaved head and a face like a pile of bricks. They both wore jeans and orange T-shirts, with shields tossed over their backs. 

‘The dream. She’s from that weird dream. It has to be her.’ All the alarms in Breisa’s head were going off.

The girl leaped off before the chariot had even finished moving. She pulled a knife and ran toward the group while the bulky dude was reigning in the horses.

“Where is he?” the girl demanded. Her gray eyes were fierce and a little too startling.

“Where’s who?” Jason asked.

She frowned like his answer was unacceptable. Then she turned to Leo, Breisa, and Piper. “What about Gleeson? Where is your protector, Gleeson Hedge?”

Leo cleared his throat. “He got taken by some…tornado things.

“Venti,” Jason said. “Storm spirits.”

The gray eyed girl arched an eyebrow. “You mean anemoi thuellai? That’s the Greek term. Who are you, and what happened?”

Jason did his best to explain, occasionally looking on the ground not meeting her eyes.

About halfway through the story, the other guy from the chariot came over. He stood there glaring at them, his arms crossed. He had a tattoo of a rainbow on his biceps, which seemed to solidify Breisa’s theory about her dream. 

She wanted to pipe in about the things she’d seen but something about this girl…Annabeth?Yeah that’s it—

Something about her intimidated Breisa to the bone. She decided against it.

When Jason had finished his story, the girl didn’t look satisfied.

“No, no, no! She told me he would be here. She told me if I came here, I’d find the answer.”

“Annabeth,” the bald guy grunted. “Check it out.” He pointed at Jason’s feet.

Jason was missing his left shoe, his left foot looked like a lump of charcoal.

“The guy with one shoe,” said the bald dude. “He’s the answer.”

“No, Butch,” the girl insisted. “He can’t be. I was tricked.” She glared at the sky as though it had done something wrong. “What do you want from me?” she screamed. “What have you done with him?”

The skywalk shuddered, and the horses whinnied urgently.

“Annabeth,” said the bald dude, Butch, “We gotta leave. Let’s get these four to camp and figure it out there. Those storm spirits might come back.”

She fumed for a moment. “Fine.”

She fixed Jason with a resentful look.

“We’ll settle this later.”

She turned on her heel and marched toward the chariot.

Piper shook her head. “What’s her problem? What’s going on?”

“Seriously,” Leo agreed.

“We have to get you out of here,” Butch said. “I’ll explain on the way.”

“I’m not going anywhere with her.” Jason gestured toward the blonde.

“She looks like she wants to kill me.”

Butch hesitated. “Annabeth’s okay. You gotta cut her some slack. She had a vision telling her to come here, to find a guy with one shoe.That was supposed to be the answer to her problem.”

“What problem?” Piper asked.

“She's looking for someone.” They snapped their attention towards Breisa. “Isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” Butch answered, his shoulders squared up. “How did you know that ?” 

“Had a freak dream. Saw a lot about it.” She started and then looking up at Butch anxiously.  He studied her. No doubt or disbelief clouded his face. She took it as a sign to continue, “But she’s looking for someone. Her boyfriend.”

“Who?” Jason asked.

“Percy Jackson.” Breisa and Butch said in unison.

Translation

Es un hombre cabra del diablo - He’s a demon goat

Vamos a morir- We’re gonna die

Aye mierda - Oh shit

Ay Dios mío- Oh my god

Aye güey- popular swear in Spanish, a lot of meanings to it.

no puedes volar, tonto - You can’t fly dumb ass!

(A/N: This one has to be one of my favorite chapters I’ve written. Because this is How I think an outsider would react to all this crazy demigod stuff happening to them. Also the cliff part, that was a lot in the moment kind of writing 😂 Hope you all like this chapter. Remember to like, reblog, or comment it really helps beat the tumblr algorithm!)

[atlafan]

a/n: Hello! My lovely patrons said it was alright to post the first part of my new miniseries here. I hope you enjoy this because it’s a fun story. If you’d like to see what happens next, subscribe to my patreon! 

Warnings: angst and fluff, misunderstandings, some smoking of weed (THIS IS A SLOW BURN)

Words: 9.9K

Summary: Harry is 25, and decides to go to graduate school. He's in a film studies program, and becomes a GA for Dr. Casey Robertson, who he assumes is a man. When he goes to Casey's office for their first meeting, he realizes that Dr. Robertson is a woman. The two get along great as the semester progresses, and Harry starts to form a little crush on Casey. There's just one problem...she's engaged.

Harry thought he’d have his life together by now. His whole life he was told if he went to college, he’d be guaranteed a good job and a lasting career. He soon learned, however, that things wouldn’t be that simple. All he wanted to do was watch movies, and review them. He tried making a YouTube channel where he’d review the films he watched, but the videos didn’t get many views, and the few comments he’d get were pretty lewd.

He was sick of working at a grocery store during the day, and a bar at night. He barely had the time to do the things he liked, and he just wasn’t happy. So, he did what any other depressed twenty-five-year-old would do: he applied to graduate school. It made his parents happy since it would give him a break from having to pay off his student loans, and help him find some direction. Harry was able to secure a decent enough GA position that would pay him enough that he wouldn’t need to worry about a job, and he was able to find an apartment with some other graduate students.

So, there he was, enrolled into a Film Studies program, and he’d be a GA for the Writing, Literature, and Publishing undergraduate program. He wouldn’t be teaching or anything, but he would be helping out with a lot of grading and course design. He’d need to have office hours available, and be willing to work with students that have questions.

His roommates were nice enough. Two of them were in biology programs, and another was in art and animation program. Everyone had their own room, and they all had to share a bathroom, but it was okay. They were all adults, and all agreed on chores and how to keep things clean. The four all went out for drinks the first weekend they all moved in to get to know each other better. Harry could really see himself being friends with these people.

He was a little nervous about being a GA. He had to do a good job this semester in order to keep his grant money. It had been a while since he had been in a classroom, so he wasn’t sure how he’d do juggling his own classes and schoolwork along with helping a professor grade for their various courses. Luckily, a good chunk of Harry’s classes would be online, and he only needed to go to one in-person lecture. He got an email from the admin of the Writing and Literature department about meeting with a Dr. Robertson a week before classes start. This was the professor he’d be working with.

He wasn’t given a ton of information on what he needed, so he put his laptop in his backpack, threw on a pair of jeans and a nice button up, and headed out the door. He rolled up his sleeves and the ends of his jeans since it was a little hot out. His glasses were on, and his hair was still a little wet from his shower, but other than that he was feeling pretty confident in his look. He wanted to make a good first impression since he’d be working with this professor all year and not just the fall semester. Harry wondered what type of office he’d be given. He was hoping it would at least have a window, but he’d be grateful for whatever private area he’d be given. He was essentially being given a place to write and he wasn’t going to take it for granted.

As he enters the building, he realizes he has no idea where he’s going. He finds the directory, and sees that Dr. Robertson’s office is up on the second floor. He makes his way up, and takes a deep breath before heading down the hall to their office. As he approaches, he sees a woman with wild, wavy hair up in a high ponytail wearing black, high waist leggings, a slightly cropped tank top and sports bra combo, and was mumbling to herself as she rummaged through her bookshelves.

“Um, excuse me…” Harry speaks up.

“Oh!” The woman jumps. She sets her book down and pushes her glasses back up her nose. “You must be Harry, please, come in.” She waves him in.

“Are you Dr. Robertson?”

“I am.” She nods and extends her hand out for him to shake. “Have a seat.” Harry sits down in one of the chairs across from her desk. “You look a little confused.”

“It just doesn’t look like you were, um, expecting anyone…”

“I know, my office is a total disaster. I’m normally okay with organized chaos, but right now it’s just straight up chaos.” She chuckles. She notices Harry’s eyes drift to her cleavage for a moment. “I didn’t dress up for this since I knew I’d be cleaning things up around here, I apologize.”

“No! Uh, no need. I…I’m sorry, I thought you were a man…”

“Casey is a woman’s name.” She blinks.

“It’s also a man’s.” Harry runs a hand through his hair.

“Is it going to be a problem that I’m a woman?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“No, of course not. I guess I was just picturing some older guy with a dark office and a bottle of whiskey in the corner that he sips on out of crystal.” He chuckles nervously.

“Ah, well, you know what they say about people who assume.” She smirks.

“I’m not making a very good first impression, am I.” It wasn’t a question.

“That depends.” She leans back in her chair.

“On?”

“What your favorite movie is.” She grins. “As long as it’s not The Wolf of Wallstreet you’ll be fine.”

“I mean, it’s not, but I don’t mind that movie. I thought Leo’s performance was good.” Harry shrugs.

“It definitely was, but I don’t think it needed to be three hours long, nor did I need full frontal of Margot Robbie’s vagina, but that’s besides the point. What’s your favorite movie?”

“This is going to sound cliché, but…it’s Citizen Kane.”

“Is that your favorite because it truly is, or is it your favorite because someone told you it should be?”

“No, it’s genuinely my favorite. I’m a big fan of Orson Welles, I think the film was extremely innovative at the time, it still is by today’s standards. And I love how it was blatant commentary on the harms of yellow journalism. It’s cool to think back on how much trouble Welles had with the distribution for it too.” Harry realizes how excited he’s getting, and clears his throat. “Sorry.”

“Never apologize for the things you’re passionate about.”

“What, uh, what’s your favorite movie?”

“The Wedding Singer.” She smiles.

“Isn’t that an Adam Sandler movie?”

“It sure is.” She says proudly. “Look, I can admit that some of his movies aren’t great. However, I’ve written a ton of academic pieces on The Wedding Singer.”

“Really?”

“Mhm, during a time of uncertainty with AIDS there was LGBTQ representation. The actor that played George ended up coming out as transgender, and lived out her days proudly as a woman. Not to mention that Adam Sandler doesn’t use being gay as a punchline, like, ever. There’re always people of color represented in his films as well. And on a personal note, as a Jewish woman, it was always nice seeing that his characters were Jewish. That type of representation was really important to me as a kid.”

“Wow, I guess I never really thought about that.”

“Well, that’s why I have a PhD and you’re going for your master’s.” She smirks. “Teasing.” She pulls some papers out of her desk. “Okay, so this fall I’m teaching Advanced Screenwriting, Analyzing Screen Media, and two sections of freshman Composition. I’ll need you physically there during the composition classes since those will be the ones I’m going to be having you grading the work for. I’m all for helping first year students learn the basics, but I just don’t have the strength to grade their papers this year. Plus, it’ll be good for you to learn how to properly grade an array of work.”

“All that sounds good…you won’t need help with your other classes?”

“Maybe next semester. I teach a scriptwriting class in the spring, along with some other writing courses. You’re going to be taking some pretty high-level stuff this semester, I don’t want you getting overwhelmed.”

“You know what classes I’m taking?”

“Of course I do. I’d be stupid not to look into the person I’m going to be working with. Even though I’m not your graduate advisor, I hope you know I’d be happy to help you with whatever you need. Are you coming right from undergrad, or did you take some time off?”

“It’s been a few years since I’ve been in school. I’m twenty-five.”

“Sometimes it’s good to take some time off, figure out what you want to focus on. What exactly are you hoping to get out of a graduate film program?”

“I want to write high-level film reviews. I was hoping to make a video series, but it’s really tough to build a base on YouTube. I got discouraged.”

“If you ever want me to watch what you have out there already, I’d be more than happy to.”

“Sure, that’d be great. So, uh, where will my office be?”

“Oh, honey, did you think you were getting your own office?” She can’t help but giggle. “We’re not in the science building, GA’s don’t get their own offices over here.”

“How will students meet with me if they have questions?”

“They won’t need to meet with you, you’re not teaching.”

“But I’ll be grading, what if a student wants to question me on a grade?”

“Then they can come to me.” She shrugs.

“Dr. Robertson, where am I supposed to get my own work done?”

“Mi oficina es tu oficina.” She smiles. “You can work in here any time you like. I actually have a key for you.” She opens a drawer and pulls out a key. “Here you go, don’t lose that.”

“What if you’re meeting with a student?”

“As you can see, we have a lovely lounge at the end of the hall, you can go there and set up shop if you need to. You’re a GA, Mr. Styles, pay your dues. Now, here are my syllabi, and you should have gotten an email stating that you’ve been given access to all my courses. There are rubrics for all of the assignments as well, as long as you follow those you should have no problem grading.”

“Alright.” Harry takes the different sheets of paper from her, catching sight of the ring on her finger. “Are you married?” He wasn’t quite sure why he asked, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“Hm? Oh, no.” She laughs. “Just engaged.” She extends her hand to look down at her ring. “Been engaged for over a year, we can’t seem to decide on a date. My fiancé is a lawyer, and a highly sought after one at that.”

“Why not just pick a random day to go to a courthouse?”

“Well, we both have big families, and we don’t want to disappoint any of them.” She sighs. “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out at some point. Neither of us are really in a rush. We’ve been together five years, it’ll happen when it happens.” She studies Harry for a moment. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Have anyone special?”

“Oh!” Harry’s cheeks redden. “Um, no…nothing serious, anyways.”

“Maybe you’ll meet someone here. You should go to the GA meetings, meet others doing what you’re doing.”

“I’m living with three other GA’s, we’re getting along pretty well so far. But I’ll definitely check out when those meetings are.”

“Good.” She smiles.

“May I ask how old you are? You seem so accomplished, I mean…look at all of the degrees and certificates you have.” Harry motions to the various frames on the walls.

“Some of those are just recognition certificates. I’m twenty-eight. I did a 4+1 program to get my master’s so I could zip right along into a PhD program. I was lucky enough that I was hired on full-time after getting it. The department really values me.”

“That’s awesome.” Harry smiles. “Anything else you’d like me to know about your classes?”

“Not at the moment. Would you be comfortable giving me your cell number? Anything I can do to have less emails, you know?”

“I don’t mind.” Harry smiles again and takes out his phone, handing it to her.

“Thanks, it’ll be much easier to tell you if something changes last minute this way.” She texts herself before handing him back his phone.

“Your fiancé won’t mind you texting me?” Harry asks playfully, warming up to her a bit more.

“No, why would he? We’re not one of those couples who reads each other’s texts. My phone is my property just as his phone is his property. We trust each other.” She rests her elbows on her desk, putting even more of her cleavage on display for him without realizing it. “Besides that, I’m not trying to start an affair with my GA who should be very careful about flirting with me so that he doesn’t end up on some very thin ice.”

“I…I…I wasn’t-“

“You were being cheeky with me.” She crosses her arms over her chest as a smug smile sets on her lips. “I like to tease, Mr. Styles, you can relax your shoulders now.”

“I think it’s going to take me some time to get used to your sense of humor.” Harry says with a relaxed sigh.

“Well, you’re stuck with me for an entire year, so you’ve got plenty of time to figure me out. Now, if you don’t have any other questions, you can go on and enjoy the rest of your day.” She stands back up. “I need to continue organizing my books, and the rest of this mess.” Harry nods and stands up.

“It was nice to meet you. You know you can just call me Harry, right?”

“Sure.” She smiles. “I prefer to be called Dr. Robertson in the classroom, when we’re not in there you can just call me Casey.”

“Okay.” Harry smiles.

“Oh, wait! Are you free the day before classes start? I was hoping to take you to lunch as a sort of good luck thing.”

“I can definitely do lunch the day before classes start.”

As Harry walks back to his apartment, he can’t help but think about how cool Casey is. She’s a bit frazzled, yes, but she seems like someone Harry will be able to easily work with. At least he wouldn’t have to kiss the ass of some stuffy old professor. Casey’s ass is one Harry wouldn’t mind kissing, but she had a fiancé to take care of that for her. He had to admit, Casey was insanely attractive, but he’d politely just admire her from afar and respect that she was very much a taken woman. Besides that, it would be incredibly inappropriate to even try to start something up with the professor he was GA’ing for. No, he’d keep things professional. He wasn’t even looking for someone to be with right now anyways. If he felt the need to hook up with someone, he could either head down to the bars or download Tinder.

//

“Alright, if we could settle down and get started!” Casey shouts over the buzz of students talking in her first section of composition. “My name is Dr. Robertson, and that is what I’d prefer to be called. My pronouns are she/her. I encourage you all to be vocal about how you’d like to be addressed just the same. This is Mr. Styles, you may call him Harry. He’s going to be grading all of your work this semester, so you can send any and all excuses his way.” Casey grins and sits down on top of the desk at the front of the room. “Now, I’d like us all to go around the room and say your name, where you’re from, and what TV show you binged over the summer. I know for me, I rewatched Boy Meets World for the millionth time, and it was still just as good.”

Harry was impressed. Most of the time students hated ice breakers, but this was a pretty engaging one. Once the class of twenty-five is through, Casey goes over their course page in Canvas and the syllabus.

“Now, this specific course of composition has a topic, so we’re going to be writing about television this semester. If you don’t think you can write about that, then you may want to find another section of composition to take. I will say, we’re going to have a lot of fun in this class. We’re going to watch some interesting shows, and you may find that you’re ‘to watch’ list will have grown exponentially by the end of the semester.”

Casey asks if anyone has any questions, and a few do which causes some lively class discussion for the remainder of the period. She lets them go about fifteen minutes early. Harry walks over to her as she unplugs her laptop from the monitor on the lectern.

“Seems like the majority of them are going to enjoy the content for this class.” Harry tells her, but all she does is hum her response as she looks down at her phone. She sighs heavily before putting her phone in her pocket. “Everything okay?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Just figuring out what Daniel and I are going to have for dinner, nothing serious.” She waves him off as she slings her bag over her shoulder. “How are your classes going so far?” She asks as they walk out of the room and head towards her office.

“Pretty good, I don’t think anything is going to be too difficult for me. I have to watch a lot of movies, but I was expecting that.” Harry shrugs.

Once they’re in her office, Casey sits down at her desk, and Harry makes himself comfortable on her couch. This is the routine they had started since she took him for lunch a few days ago. They worked in a comfortable silence together, occasionally taking breaks to chat. Casey was happy she got assigned a GA that knew the difference between work and play. Her cell phone ends up ringing about five different times. By the fifth time Harry heard the buzzing, he couldn’t help but speak up.

“If you need to take that I can step out.” Harry says.

“No, it’s fine.” Casey sighs. “It’s just Daniel being Daniel.”

“What do you mean?”

“His time is more valuable than mine.” She rolls her eyes. “He knows I’m working.”

“What if it’s an emergency?”

“It’s not.”

“Casey, he’s called you five times-“

“It’s not an emergency, now mind your business.” She snaps and stands up with her phone in her hand. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Casey didn’t share too much personal stuff with Harry about her fiancé. When they had lunch together, she told Harry his name is Daniel, and she explained the type of law he practiced, but not much more than that. She didn’t get into how they met, or how he proposed. She didn’t even seem to be excited while talking about him like she did when she and Harry first met. Casey returns about ten minutes later, and sits back down in her chair.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped.” Harry says softly.

“You didn’t.” She sighs. “I snapped at you for no good reason, I apologize.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Mhm.” She says without looking at him, and going into her email on her computer.

Harry furrows his brows as he looks at her, but gets back to what he was doing. If she didn’t want to talk about it then he wasn’t going to push her. Harry notices her resting her chin on her fist as she looks at the picture of her and Daniel that she had on her desk. She sighs heavily and shakes her head, returning to her emails.

“I have my lecture in a bit, so I’m gonna head out.” Harry says, putting his backpack on.

“Alright, have a good class.” She gives him a soft smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” He smiles back. “See you tomorrow.”

//

Harry’s lecture was long and boring. It was a class all about black and white films, and the beginning of cinema up through the 1950’s. It would be a class full of dense reading materials and learning about theorists that Harry had only briefly learned about previously in undergrad. Normally this would be a class Harry would be really interested in, but the professor had to be at least 70, and he was quite monotone.

When he gets home to his apartment, he grabs a Bud Light out of the fridge, twists the cap off the top, then settles onto the couch. His roommates were all still in class and would be meeting up for pizza in a bit, so Harry had about an hour to himself before he was to go downtown to meet up for dinner. He takes his phone out and scrolls through his various notifications. Halfway through his beer he decides to text Casey.

Harry: any thoughts on Dr. Jensen?

Casey: oh god don’t tell me he’s teaching your lecture course…

Harry: yeah…so is he going to stay boring all semester?

Casey: that dinosaur should have retired years ago, I’m so sorry you have to have a class with him. Is it the early cinema through the 1950’s class?

Harry: that’s the one! The content is interesting enough, but I was on the verge of falling asleep the whole time, idk how I’m gonna survive an entire semester with the guy. Any tips on how to survive his course?

Casey: def make sure you keep up with the homework. He’s one of those jerks that’s been using the same syllabus for the last 20 yrs, so he doesn’t update his exams. I’d also recommend getting a recorder for his lectures, keeping up with notes is basically impossible during class, but if you can go back and listen he actually makes a lot of good points

Harry: you’re a lifesaver, thank you!! 😊

Casey: any time! I actually like a lot of the movies he has on his syllabus, so if you ever want a movie buddy just let me know!

Casey: I’ve got that couch in my office literally so I can comfortably watch movies

A sigh leaves Harry’s mouth when he sees that she rushed to make it known watching movies would only be an on-campus thing. Would it be so weird if she came to his apartment for a movie night?

Harry: that sounds great, I actually have to watch The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari by the end of the week. I’m sure you’ve seen it a million times though…

Casey: I have, but it’s one of my favorites so I won’t mind watching it again

Harry: really??

Casey: yeah! I love German Gothic films, I took a class solely on them in grad school, I can’t get enough. The makeup, the sharp edges, the harsh shadows, it was all just so interesting

He sees the time on his phone and realizes he needs to head downtown to meet up with his roommates. Harry wasn’t one for using his phone while eating with friends, so much to his dismay he has to end the conversation.

Harry: learn something new about you every day! I have to get going, meeting up for pizza with friends. Did you figure out what you and Daniel are having for dinner?

Casey: pasta…have fun with your friends!

Harry: a classic choice, I love pasta

He almost wished he hadn’t sent that last text. She didn’t respond to it. Harry groans at himself, and picks himself up to head outside. He couldn’t wait to stuff his face with some greasy pizza, drink some more beer, and just unwind with his new friends. It was nice being back in school and feeling like your responsibilities could be put on the back burner for a bit. Schoolwork was a less anxiety inducing thing to focus on, as opposed to what the fuck Harry was going to do with his life. Casey would be a great mentor for him. She was essentially doing what he thinks he’d like to be doing. He had an entire year to pick her brain, and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. With any luck he’d be her GA again next year, but he didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself.

//

Casey and Harry were getting along famously. It was nearly October, and they were already in perfect sync. She was beyond grateful for him and his speedy grading. He was a fast reader, and she was not, so having him grade all of those papers and forum posts for her composition courses freed her up to focus on the work in her other classes. Harry tried his best not to bring up Daniel. Any time he did, Casey seemed to shut down. He’d only ask because he wanted to make sure Daniel wasn’t doing anything abusive to Casey. She never came in with a scratch on her, but Daniel could easily be doing something mental. Daniel never showed up to Casey’s office. If Harry were engaged to Casey, he’d want to visit her all he could, but maybe Casey didn’t like being visited since she always had something to do.

“Hey, Casey, what’s this faculty Halloween party about?” Harry asks her one Thursday afternoon. “I got an e-vite for it.”

“Oh! I forgot they put you on the faculty email list. You should go, it’s a lot of fun. It’s a great way for all of us to get together outside of the monthly faculty meetings. Everyone dresses up, it’s at one of the bars downtown. We get two drink tickets, and the rest you buy yourself.”

“Do other GA’s go?”

“Sometimes.” Casey nods. “It would be a good way for you to meet some of the other GA’s, and other faculty members. You can never have too many of us in your corner.”

“That’s true. What do you think I should dress up as? Like, how all out do people go?”

“Definitely keep it classy, appropriate, but don’t be afraid to have fun. Daniel and I usually do a couple’s costume. We have so much fun going to the store every year and figuring out what we want to do. It works out great cause his law firm has a costume party every year too.” She smiles. “We’re headed to the fabric store this weekend actually to start thinking of ideas.”

“Oh, that’s good. Um, what have you gone as in the past?”

“I’ll show you!” Casey grabs her phone, and wheels herself closer to Harry so he can see. “Last year we went as Bob and Linda from Bob’s Burgers, the year before that we went as vampires, and the year before that we went as Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly Oddparents.”

“Aw, you guys looks so happy.”

“Yeah.” Casey swallows and locks her phone, wheeling back over to her desk. “Can’t wait to see what we come up with this year.” She mutters as she gets back to her work.

“I’ll have to really think about it. I haven’t dressed up for Halloween in forever.”

“Your friends didn’t have parties?”

“They did, but I was usually working. The bar I worked at had costume contests and stuff, so we were always busy. I’d get too hot from running around to dress up as anything.”

“Oh, that makes sense. Hmm…” She taps her chin as she thinks. “You could go as, like, a baseball player or something.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to see me in a pair of those tight pants.” Harry smirks.

“I see you in tight pants every day, it wouldn’t be anything new.” She says smugly before turning away from him.

“I do not wear tight pants every day.” Harry scoffs. “They may be tight in certain places, but it’s not like I’m walking around in skinny jeans.”

“True.” She side eyes him. “Maybe you could go as a Jonas Brother, all of them wear tight pants, or they used to.”

“I don’t think anyone at that party would get the reference.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t help you think of anything.” She shrugs.

Harry chuckles softly as he gets back to grading papers. He loved when Casey would tease him. He had grown a lot more comfortable with her sense of humor, and they would often end up in hysterics from their banter.

“Casey.” A tall man with salt and pepper hair wearing an expensive looking suit stands in the doorway. He was holding a small bouquet of flowers, and his eyes looked tired. “Baby, can I take you to lunch?”

“Daniel, I’m working.” Casey stands up. “Harry, this is my fiancé, Daniel. Daniel, this is my GA, Harry.”

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Daniel says to Harry, then turns his attention back to Casey. “Please, you didn’t pack a lunch this morning. Let me take you out.”

Casey sighs, and ushers Daniel out into the hallway.

“You can’t just show up like this.” She says quietly.

“I’m really trying here, Honey.”

“I only have an hour, so we need to go somewhere quick.”

“That’s fine, uh, I got these for you. Know how much you like tulips.”

“These aren’t even season.” She smiles as she takes the flowers from him. “Thank you, Sweetheart, let me just go grab my jacket.” Casey goes back into her office and grabs her things. “Harry, I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Okay, I’ll probably be in class by the time you get back.”

“Alright.” She nods, and zips up her jacket.

“Do you want me to put those in some water for you?” He asks, nodding towards the flowers.

“Huh? Oh, no, that’s alright. They won’t last more than a few days as it is. It’s not worth it.”

//

Harry had ended up putting together a Clark Kent costume by wearing a light-wash pair of jeans, some converse, a Superman tee shirt with a jacket over it half zipped, and his glasses. He styled his hair to give the front an extra curl. The faculty would definitely be able to see the effort, but it also didn’t look like Harry was trying too hard. He heads downtown to the bar with his roommates, as they were all invited too. They all decided to be super heroes in disguise, so they made sure to take a ton of pictures before going to the party. Harry’s jaw nearly hits the floor when he spots Casey wearing a Morticia Addams costume. Even though Casey wasn’t showing much skin, her off the shoulder dress was leaving little to the imagination.

“Excuse me.” Harry says to his friends before making his way over to Casey. “Hi.”

“Harry!” She beams. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Me too, uh, what do you think of my costume?”

“I love it! Very cute and creative.” She smiles. “No one ever really thinks about dressing as the secret identity.”

“Casey, don’t you look lovely!” Dr. Lind says to her. “Where’s your Gomez?”

“Oh, uh, Daniel’s busy working a case. He couldn’t get away and I told him not to worry about it.” Casey explains.

“Aw, that’s too bad. It’s been ages since we’ve seen him. Have you two picked a date yet?”

“No, not yet. We both have had a lot going on, and we can’t seem to agree on the best time to do it. I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon.”

“You two should just elope, get it done at a courthouse and then have a big party for your families. I mean, the point of being engaged is not to stay engaged.”

“It’s only been a little over a year.” Casey mutters.

“I know, Dear, but you-“

“You know what’s great about being in a monogamous relationship? What happens between Daniel and I is between Daniel and I, none of this really concerns you, Nancy. I appreciate your input, but it’s not needed, excuse me.” Casey has to bite back tears as she walks away.

“My goodness, I didn’t mean to upset her.” Dr. Lind says to Harry.

“I’ll go see if she’s alright.” Harry finds Casey getting a new drink from the bar. He pulls her to the side to have a private word. “Dr. Lind always oversteps, she had no right to speak about what you should be doing.”

“I know that.” Casey says, looking away.

“Did Daniel really have to work late tonight?”

“No.”

“What happened?”

“Harry, I don’t want to talk about it.” She says before sipping on her drink. “I just want to have a good time tonight and not think about it, alright?”

“I can respect that, but I don’t think drinking your problems away is a great idea.”

“Harry, no offense, but I don’t need your opinion on this.” She brushes by him and goes to speak with some of her other friends.

A few hours pass, and it was starting to get a little stuffy in the bar, so Harry heads out for some fresh air. He sees Casey outside with a cigarette between her fingers. As he gets closer, he realizes it’s not a cigarette.

“Casey, are you smoking weed?” Harry asks her.

“It’s medicinal.” She mutters, blowing smoke in the opposite direction as to not hit him in the face with it. “It’s for my anxiety.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to take an edible?”

“Not when I need it to work right away.”

“Did you drive yourself here tonight?”

“I did, but I can just take an uber home.” She shrugs. “I came out for some air.”

“So did I.” Harry rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not trying to pry into your life, but things won’t get better if you keep shit bottled up.”

“I just prefer to keep my private life private.”

“Believe me, I get that, but…god, I wish you’d just talk to me, I’m your friend.”

“Daniel and I had an argument earlier and I told him not to come with me because I didn’t want to pretend like everything was fine. I couldn’t stand in that bar around my friends and colleagues pretending like everything’s fine with him when it’s not. We’re far from fine, and we have been for a while.”

“Did something happen?”

“The morning before the day I first took you out to lunch he told me he was up for a promotion at the firm…partner.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“It would have been if it didn’t involve us having to move to New York. He took the bar exam out there without telling me, and he passed. They want him out there to work on larger cases, as a defense attorney. I wouldn’t have been opposed to moving, but he just assumed that I would. He said I could teach anywhere with no regard with how I’d feel about leaving this institution, our friends, and family behind. And then he told me it wouldn’t even matter because he’d be making enough money for me to never have to work another day in my life and that I could just stay home taking care of our future children.”

“That’s a bit old fashioned.”

“It is, which was shocking to me because he’s never acted that way towards me. He’s always been so modern, so progressive. I think he was given advice from the wrong people. Anyways, he took the job in New York because he basically had to, he would have been stupid not to take it, so we’ve only been seeing each other on weekends. And when we do see each other, we just end up fighting…we don’t even sleep in the same room.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what we’re doing anymore.” Her voice cracks, but she swallows her tears down. She spent too long on her makeup to ruin it from crying. “We’ve grown apart, it’s as simple as that, but neither of us have the courage to end it. I love him so much, but lately…lately I’ve been feeling like love just isn’t enough.” She looks up at Harry who had been nice enough to stand out in the cold with her to listen to all of her woes.

“I’m so sorry.” It’s all he can think to say. “You should be home with him…trying to work it out.”

“I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough today. I told him to just go back to New York. He’s got a whole new life out there. I’ve been to his apartment a few times, and I didn’t feel like I fit in at all. I don’t even know why he still wants me, he could easily find someone new out there.”

“How could he not want you?” Harry steps a little closer to her. “You’re smart, funny, and…you’re a knockout. If I were him and I saw you about to leave the house looking like this, well…I wouldn’t have let you leave the house.”

“Why, so you could tell me to change into something less form fitting?” She scoffs as she crosses her arms over her chest. Her blunt all but forgotten.

“I would have asked you to take the dress off, that’s for certain. As far getting something back on…” Harry takes another step closer to Casey, making her cheeks feel warm.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not Daniel.”

“I didn’t have much to drink tonight. Let me drive you home, and I’ll take the uber back to my apartment. That way you don’t have to worry about coming back for your car tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not, I’m making a suggestion.”

“Okay, yeah, if you don’t mind. I only live, like, fifteen minutes from here. We, uh, rent a townhome.”

Casey hands Harry her keys, and they make their way around the building to the parking lot. The drive is quiet. Casey could feel her eyes starting to droop. Harry had the heat cranked since it had gotten chilly. He watches the map on the navigation screen to make sure he makes the right turns to her house. He pulls into her driveway, and orders his uber.

“Thank you for driving.” Casey says.

“Any time.” Harry smiles and gets out of the car. He jogs around to the other side to open her door, and walks her up her front steps. “You gonna be okay?” He rubs his hands up and down her arms to keep her warm.

“Yeah.” She smiles softly up at him. “Harry, I-“ The front door opens with Daniel standing there.

“Casey, thank god, Baby, I’m so sorry.” He wraps his arms around her, kissing her without acknowledging Harry. “No argument is worth you leaving angry like that for.” He kisses her again.

“Daniel.” She pushes him off of her. “Harry’s here, he drove me home.”

“Oh! Sorry about that.” Daniel says. “Thanks for driving her, man.”

“No problem.” Harry’s uber pulls up in front of the house. “That’s my ride, uh, have a nice night.”

Harry’s gaze lingers on Casey for a moment before making his way to the car. Daniel leads Casey inside the house.

“Did you have a good time?” Daniel asks her as they both walk into the kitchen.

“I guess.” She shrugs. “Would have been more fun if my Gomez had been there with me.” She pouts at him.

“You told me you didn’t want me there.”

“I also told you to go back to New York, so clearly your listening skills are selective.”

“I was so mad at you that I actually almost left, but I couldn’t make it out of the driveway.” He comes over to her, caressing her cheek. “Casey, I want to figure all of this out with you. I don’t want to fight anymore, and I’m sick of sleeping alone.”

“I feel the same way. Let me take all of this off and put on some pj’s, and then we can talk.”

“Okay.” He smiles. “Want me to make you some tea?”

“That’d be great, thank you.”

//

Casey: I’m not able to come in today, I’m not feeling great…do you think you could handle my classes today? You can have comp peer edit their papers, and my other classes can just watch a movie

Harry: sure! Is there anything else you need?

Casey: just some rest, thanks for understanding

Harry had wondered for the rest of the weekend how things went between Casey and Daniel. Maybe he hung around and they were going to spend Monday together. All in all, he hoped Casey was okay. Her Monday classes were sad not to see their beloved Dr. Robertson, but many of the girls in class had no problem with Harry taking over for the day.

As a lark, Harry picked up some pepto bismol and other things that might make someone sick feel better. He pulls up to Casey’s house, and sighs with relief when he doesn’t see Daniel’s car. He rings the doorbell, and waits for Casey to open door.

“H-Harry?” She says as she opens the door. She had on an oversized, quarter-zip fleece and a pair of joggers. Her hair was in a loose, low ponytail with some strands left out in front. Her eyes were red and puffy, as was her nose.

“Hey, I…I brought you some pepto and some other stuff that might make you feel better. I didn’t know if you caught a cold or…are you okay?”

“Oh, Harry!” She wails, and throws her body into his, crying into his chest. Harry wraps his arms around her and moves them both further into the house, closing the door. “I’m not sick.” She sniffles as she looks up at him. “I’m…heartbroken.”

“What happened?”

“Daniel and I broke up.” Her voice cracks, and she shoves her face back into his chest. He holds her close and rubs her back. “We stayed up all night on Saturday talking.” She hiccups, stepping back from him and leading him into her living room. “We watched the sun come up in tears.” They both sit down on her sofa. There was a somewhat tattered blanket that she snatches, hugging it to her chest. “We just couldn’t come to a compromise that worked well enough for the both of us.” She pauses for a moment, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “We didn’t yell or argue, we just talked everything out. He agreed that we grew apart and that we still loved each other very much. He was feeling defeated because he felt like he was the only one trying. I knew I stopped trying because I just didn’t have the strength anymore. He’s coming back next weekend to pack up the rest of his things. After we got some sleep on Sunday we went out to get him some boxes, and he packed as much as he could into his car. Five years over and done with just like that.”

“Casey, I’m so sorry.”

“I just needed today to, like, rest and regroup, but I just spent it crying…mourning the loss of my relationship.”

“That sounds like a pretty healthy way to deal with it.”

“Every time I tried to sleep, I just cried. I haven’t eaten all day, I’ve just been in here…wallowing.” She laughs coldly at herself.

“Let me make you something to eat. Do you have food in the kitchen?”

“Harry, you don’t have to. I know you have homework to do.” She frowns.

“My bag’s in the car. I can make you some dinner, and I can work on my assignments. I can even put on one of the movies I need to watch.”

“You really don’t have to babysit me. I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself.”

“Casey, I want to help. Why don’t you go take a shower or something? I’m sure I’ll be able to find my way around your kitchen. I can just whip up some pasta.”

“You’re very kind, thank you.” She sniffles. “A shower sounds nice, I’ll go do that.”

By the time Casey gets downstairs, all cozy in a fresh fleece and pair of sweatpants, Harry had finished making some ziti mixed with some peas. He seasoned it with some parmesan cheese, pepper, and adobo.

“Hey.” He smiles when he sees her.

“Smells good in here.” She smiles back, hopping up onto one of the stools at her kitchen island. Harry puts a bowl of food in front of her before sitting down next to her. “Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me, would you?”

“I can’t help it.” Her bottom lip quivers as she takes a bite of food. “This is just so nice of you.” She sniffles.

“Casey, come on.” Harry chuckles and cradles her cheeks to thumb her tears away. “Can’t have you crying into your dinner.” He pouts cutely at her making her giggle before letting her go.

Harry eats while getting some work done, typing away at his computer. Casey eats her dinner slowly, not wanting to overwhelm her empty stomach. She also got her period earlier in the day, so she knew her tears had to have been in overdrive because of that. She finishes her food with a sigh and sets her fork down.

“All done?” Harry asks softly.

“Mhm, I can clean up.”

“No, let me-“

“Harry, I’m not helpless, please.” She hops off her stool and takes both of their bowls and put them in the dishwasher. “Did you figure out which movie you need to watch for class?”

“I have a choice between Some Like it Hot and The Apartment.”

“God, I can’t stand The Apartment.” Casey groans. “Let’s watch Some Like it Hot, it’s way more entertaining. I actually have it on DVD.”

“Oh, perfect.” Harry follows Casey into her living room, and he sits down as she sets the movie up. “I’ve never seen this one before.”

“Really? You’ll love it, it’s a classic. Marilyn Monroe is in it, and she’s just wonderful.” Casey sits down and hits play on the remote. “Can I get you anything? Water?”

“I’m all set, thank you.” Harry smiles, sitting back into the couch, making himself more comfortable. “You feeling a little better now that you’ve eaten?”

“Yeah, I-“ Casey’s phone starts ringing, and she sees that it’s Daniel. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” Casey gets up quickly, and makes her way upstairs. “Hi…”

“Hi.”

“You don’t sound great.” Casey says softly.

“Been crying all day.”

“Me too.” She sighs.

“Are we sure we’re doing the right thing? If it hurts this much, shouldn’t we try to find a way to make this work?”

“Daniel, we went round in circles all weekend. You’re staying in New York, and I’m staying here. I don’t want you sacrificing your career for me. We’re not the same people we were five years ago…we’re both different now. I…I don’t want to wait for things to get started anymore.”

“So, you’d rather start over with someone new than just wait a little longer to get married to someone you know and love?”

“I want to marry someone who doesn’t lie to me about a promotion! You didn’t even talk to me before you accepted. It was like I didn’t even matter in your life, Daniel, don’t you understand that?”

“I know it was wrong of me to do that, I just thought you’d be on board…”

“Well, you thought wrong.”

“Apparently so.” There’s a beat of silence between them. “I’ll be coming back late on Friday. I should be able to pack everything else up during the weekend.”

“Okay, do you want me to stay with Lola? Like, do you not want me here?”

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own home, Casey. Besides, I’ll need you there so we can properly divide things up.”

“Right, yeah…”

“And we didn’t exactly get to have a, uh, proper goodbye.”

“Daniel.” Casey giggles. “I don’t think doing it one last time would be a good idea.”

“I’m not saying we need to plan it out, but if it happens…”

“We’ll see. I really am sorry we couldn’t compromise on things.”

“Me too. Well, I’ll let you go now. Sleep well.”

“You too.” Casey sighs as she hangs up, and makes her way downstairs. “Hey, Harry, if it’s all the same, I think I’m gonna just go to bed, but you can borrow the DVD if you want.”

“Oh! Okay.” Harry pauses the movie and stands up. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just hormonal and tired. I’m ready to just crawl into bed and get cozy. I want to have a fresh start tomorrow.”

“Right, makes sense.” Harry gathers his things, and Casey walks him to the door.

“I can’t thank you enough for coming by.”

“All I did was make a little dinner.” Harry shrugs.

“It was more than that and you know it.” She pokes his chest playfully. “You’re a great friend.” She opens her arms up for him, and he gladly accepts her hug. He holds her close to him, maybe for a beat too long, but he likes the way she feels pressed up against him. Harry was also known for not being the first person to end a hug. Casey’s arms start to loosen around him, and he looks down at her. Her eyes widen when she sees Harry start to lean in. “Woah, what are you doing?” She steps back from him.

“N-nothing.” His face flushes.

“Were you just going to try to kiss me?”

“What, no! Of course not.” He swallows.

“Yes you were!” She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath before looking at him. “Hi, I just broke up with my fiancé, who I’ve been with for over five years, what part of that made you think it was a good time to pull a move on me? Was all of this because you just wanted to try and get a piece?”

“Casey, that’s not what’s happening. I genuinely came to check on you. I…I just misread a signal, that’s all.”

“What signal? I literally just said you were a good friend and hugged you!” She puts her hands on her hips and frowns at him. “I’m really disappointed in you, Harry. You never struck me as the kind of guy to be nice to a girl just to try to-“

“I’m not one of those guys.” He shakes his head. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or disrespect you, I just thought…”

“Harry, you’re my GA.”

“I know.”

“It would be highly inappropriate for us to get involved. I mean, I know I’m only three years older than you, but at the end of the day I have a position of power over you. You’re a bright man, Harry, don’t be stupid and risk messing up your future because you have a crush.”

Harry looks down at his shoes, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I understand what you’re saying.” He looks up at her. “But you haven’t said that you don’t like me back.” He smirks, making her mouth fall open. She was speechless. “Sleep tight, Casey.” Harry turns and opens the door, letting himself out. Casey stands in her doorway.

“You’re on thin ice, Styles!” She calls after him.

“I’ll make sure to step with caution, Dr. Robertson!” He shouts back before getting into his car.

Casey shuts her door, and sighs, leaning against it for a moment before bringing herself up to bed. She goes through her nightly routine, and gets herself settled into her sheets. She knew there was an underlying reason as to why she didn’t want to try harder with Daniel. The more she got to know Harry, the more she’d dread coming home to her now ex-fiancé. She used to love coming home to Daniel and recounting their days, but she realized she just didn’t care about his cases anymore. She wanted to have high level talks about film and media. Daniel would always listen, but he never really understood why Casey was so passionate about her work. To him, it all just seemed like a hobby rather than a career. Harry, on the other hand, had the same passions as her. He understood how stimulating talk about film and media could be. She wasn’t having sexual feelings towards Harry, but she couldn’t wrap her head around the emotional attachment that begun. She figured maybe she couldn’t love Daniel that much if she’d rather spend extra hours in her office with Harry instead of trying to get home to Daniel before heading back to New York. It pained her, but that was the truth. Tonight confirmed that Harry was definitely into Casey. Now all Casey had to do was figure out how she felt about Harry, but she needed to get over Daniel first.

//

“You’re here early.” Casey says to Harry the next morning.

“I wanted to talk to you about last night. I feel really bad about how I acted. I thought that maybe we were having a moment. I apologize for misreading things. Kept me up all night.”

“Have a seat.” She motions to her couch and he sits down. She turns in her seat to face him. “Don’t worry about last night. I was in a vulnerable state, and I was more affectionate than I should have been. Nothing really happened between us, so it’s all good. It’s going to take me some time to get over Daniel. Five years is a long time to be committed to one person. I’m seeing him again this weekend, and who knows what could happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“We could easily get back together, and then what? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Besides that, you’re my GA, it would be wrong. You understand that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. It’s not like…I mean…it’s nothing, okay? Think I’m just into you cause we have so much in common. And I really look up to you. You’re so accomplished, you know?”

“A smart woman doesn’t intimidate you?”

“Not at all.” He shakes his head. “I think smart women are incredibly”, Harry gets up from his seat and sits on the edge of Casey’s desk, “incredibly sexy.”

“You’re not really sorry for trying to kiss me last night, are you?” She smirks up at him.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you and for overstepping a boundary.” A grins starts to pull on his lips. “But I’m not sorry that it’s lead to you admitting that you like me.”

“I never said I liked you.”

“You never said you didn’t.”

“Harry.” Casey sighs.

“Listen”, Harry gets off her desk and sits back down on the couch, taking out his laptop. “take as much time as you need to get over Daniel. I’ll be right here when you’re ready for me.” He peers up at her from his laptop, smiling from ear to ear.

“You’re insufferable.” She shakes her head, getting back to her own work.

“And yet, here we are.”

“Harry, it’s 8:30 in the morning, we don’t have class until 10. Do me a favor and stay quiet until then, yeah?”

He makes a motion as to zip his lips, making Casey chuckle and roll her eyes. Later that day, when Harry had to leave for his own lecture, Casey snuck off to go see her friend, Lola, who works in the financial aid office.

“You busy?” Casey asks her friend as she sits down.

“I’m always free for you, Honey.” Lola smiles warmly. “What’s up?”

“Um…Daniel and I decided to officially end things over the weekend.” Casey says quietly. Lola had a cubicle to herself, but there were always wandering ears.

“Oh my god! I knew you guys were on the rocks, but holy shit.”

“He didn’t want to give up New York, and I didn’t want to give up here. It sucks, I’m totally heartbroken.” Casey frowns, trying not to cry again.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come over or something.”

“Well, I sort of just wanted to be alone…um, but someone came by to take care of me.”

“Oh, who?”

“H-Harry.”

“Your GA?!” Lola whisper-screams, and Casey nods. “Holy fuck, did anything happen?”

“No.” Casey shakes her head. “He just made me dinner…but he tried to kiss me before he left. I called him out on it, but…I don’t know, like, I…fuck.” Casey pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “I don’t really know how to articulate this.”

“You find your GA, who happens to only be three years younger than you, attractive.” Lola says for Casey.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it. But I don’t want to get involved with anyone else right now. I still love Daniel, like, my heart is still with him.”

“But you also think you like Harry.”

“Well, what’s not to like about him? He makes me laugh, I like talking to him, he’s very sweet…and…fuck, I can’t even think like this. This is so unethical of me. If this were a male professor with a female GA, I’d be totally against it.”

“Yes, but that’s not the situation. You’re twenty-eight, he’s twenty-five, it’d be weird if you didn’t fall for each other.”

“I feel like it’s like when you fall for your therapist, you know? Like, what if he just likes me because he looks up to me? I shouldn’t even be entertaining the thought of this, right? It’s got to be against the rules.”

“Are you his professor?”

“Of course not, you know I don’t teach graduate level courses.”

“So, he in no way is going to be graded by you?”

“No.”

“And he could have easily been assigned to any other professor in the department. There was no special request on your part. And again, he’s twenty-five-years-old, it’s not like he’s some naïve twenty-one-year-old kid who just finished undergrad, you know?”

“That’s true.” Casey chews on her bottom lip. “I don’t know, think I need to get over my break up before I do anything.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You were together for over five years, that’s not something you’ll get over in a day, Babe. What do you say you and I grab drinks this weekend?”

“I can’t, Daniel’s coming back to pack up the rest of his things and he wants me there.”

“Alright, how about on Thursday? We can go for happy hour downtown after I get out.”

“Yeah, okay.” Casey nods. “Think I could definitely use some girl time, thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Don’t overthink this Harry thing either. It’s not a problem yet, so don’t turn it into one.”

“You’re right, it’s just been a little flirting, it’s not like anything’s actually happened between us. If he really likes me, he’ll be patient.”

“And don’t forget, you’re worth the wait.”

[petersasteria]

What You Don't Know Won't Hurt - Tom Holland

Tom || Main || Taglist

Pairing: Tom x Chalamet!Reader Requested? Nah 4,289 words

* * * *

“Happy five-month anniversary!” You whispered in Tom’s ear as you hugged him from behind. He smiled and turned around to pull you in for a short, but sweet kiss.

“Happy five-month anniversary to you too, babe.” He said softly with a bright smile on his face. “I spoke to your brother.”

“Oh?” You raised your eyebrows before pulling away from him to prepare breakfast for you and Tom. “What did you talk about?”

Tom shrugged, “Nothing important. He greeted us, that’s for sure. He’s inviting me to hang out with his friends, actually. Should I go?”

“Do you want to go?” You asked and he nodded slightly. “Then, go for it. When is that supposed to be?”

“Tomorrow after lunch.” Tom answered and you nodded. Both of you prepared breakfast and ate breakfast. You didn’t eat that much because you knew you’d puke it all out later. You’re two weeks pregnant and you wanted to tell Tom later tonight.

You and Tom haven’t been confirming your relationship to the public despite being seen together for a bunch of times. That’s about to change, though.

You and Tom were caught by the paparazzi and it was normal for both of you, but what you didn’t know is that you two were caught kissing and that caused so much reaction from the media. When you two got home from your shared flat, you were surprised that your relationship was outed by the paps. It was something that surprised both of you. You had no problem with that because you didn’t want to hide anymore. Tom, however, was fucked.

Tom’s phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID and quickly went to your shared room to answer it. You didn’t even have the time to ask who it was because he just bolted straight in the room. You didn’t mind, though. It was probably his manager or publicist or someone important from his team.

It was his girlfriend, Nadia.

Tom answered the phone immediately. “Na-”

“When were you planning on telling me that you’re cheating on me? Did you even want to tell me?” Nadia asked. She was mad and rightfully so.

“I was planning on telling you, but-”

“Cut the bullshit.” She said angrily. “It’s so unfair that you and her have gone public, but you haven’t gone public with me and we’ve been together for a year.”

“I was planning on leaving her, I swear!” Tom hissed.

“You leave me with no choice, Tom. Goodbye.” She said before hanging up. Tom let out a frustrated sigh as he sat on the bed. He rubbed his face with his hands and just sat there.

A few minutes later, his phone’s blowing up with notifications from Instagram. He clicked on it and was shocked to see Nadia’s post about her relationship with him. He scrolled through each comment and he was hurt that everyone started going against him.

Timmy saw the post and sent it to you. You were confused as to who Nadia was but when you looked through the pictures and read her caption, you realized she was Tom’s girlfriend. His real girlfriend. You went up to your shared room and saw him sitting on the bed with a shocked face.

“You didn’t have the decency to tell me that you were taken?” You whispered as tears streamed down your face. You didn’t have the energy to speak loudly. “All this time, I thought you were single when we met because that’s what you told me. Everyone’s going to think that I’m the snake who took you away from her, don’t you realize that?”

“That’s not my problem.” He said before getting up and grabbing a suitcase to pack his things. “We’re done, Y/N. I lost her because of you.”

“Wait a second.” You grabbed his arm and he looked at you. “Why are you acting like it’s all my fault? There’s two of us in this relationship! It’s your fault too!”

Tom went back to packing and said nothing. You watched as he moved around the room to grab his things. You suddenly felt sick to your stomach when you realized that you’re carrying this man’s baby.

“You came on to me!” Tom shouted and you flinched at the sound of his voice. He was angry.

“No, that’s not true and you know it! Don’t twist this!” You shouted back. “How dare you blame me for something I didn’t know! If I knew you were taken, we wouldn’t be where we are right now!”

Tom was finished packing his things when he stared at you one last time. He took in your features. Like your older brother, you had a face that made you look like you came straight out of a renaissance painting. In truth, Tom was lucky he was graced to wake up next to a beauty such as yourself.

“Look, I’m sorry. I have to go.” Tom sighed as he grabbed his suitcase and left your shared apartment. You knew he was going to try and get his girlfriend back. You stared at the man you loved as he left your shared flat without another word.

News broke out and Tom defended himself saying shit about you and that he was working on apologizing to his true love which he did. He even got her back and vowed not to do it again. He still got his job and because of all the attention he got, he was being asked to take on roles left and right.

You got the short end of the stick, though. Everyone thought you were a liar and the few people who defended you were facing backlash for being on your side causing them to leave you. Your parents had no say and your sister just dismissed you. Timmy stayed by your side and he never left. He even defended you when no one else would.

This caused a rivalry between Tom and Timmy. Timmy took it personally because even he didn’t know that Tom was taken and Tom promised him that he’d care for you and love you. Tom, of course, didn’t let it faze him. He was still a jackass.

Meanwhile, your pregnancy was going well. The baby was healthy and Timmy has been very supportive. He’s the best uncle in the world, in your opinion. You still get casted for some roles, but you asked them to hide your pregnancy and you were thankful that no one said a thing.

The media still wasn’t so nice to you, though. Since they didn’t know you were pregnant, they assumed that you let yourself go after Tom left you. They made rumors about you having breast implants, you gained so much weight after Tom left, and so much more. This pissed Timmy off because he kept asking you to clear the rumors and just tell them you’re pregnant.

“I don’t want to, okay?! I want this baby out of the spotlight! You saw how the media treated me and I admit that it’s shitty, but can you imagine how the media will treat my baby?! They won’t be so kind and we both know that.” You frowned. “I don’t want Tom to know either.”

“Fine.” Timmy nodded. “Don’t stress yourself, okay? How’s the baby?” He asked as he sat next to you.

You smiled and looked at him, “The baby’s fine and I know the gender.”

“Spill!” Timmy said in excitement. His eyes sparkled and he was happy.

“I’m having a boy.” You grinned.

“Ahh!” Timmy screamed in joy. “Tu as un fils! (you are having a son)” You laughed and nodded as he pulled you in for a hug.

A son. You’re having a son. He’s the center of your world.

A year later, Beau Julien Chalamet is now turning 1. He was very playful and he was always laughing. It brought you joy despite having a tough work life. You were thankful that Beau took almost all your features which made him really look like a true Chalamet. In short, his name suited him well.

Today is Beau’s 1st birthday and you were celebrating in your flat. Your sister will come over later and Timmy won’t be able to come because he was halfway across the world to attend an awards show. You were now waiting for his call while Beau watched Sesame Street in the living room.

You were looking at Beau with an amusing smile as he danced around to the song Elmo was singing on tv. Your phone rang in your hand and you glanced down to see that Timmy wanted to FaceTime you. You smiled and quickly answered, “Hi, Timmy!”

“Hey!” He grinned. “Where’s the birthday boy?”

“Il regarde la télé! (he is watching tv)” You turned the camera to Beau and he was watching while dancing. Timmy laughed and you turned the camera back at you. “I thought you’re at an awards show.”

“Yeah, it was. It’s the after party now and I’m in the men’s room so that it’s quiet. Everyone’s having fun out there and I figured they’d be too busy to go to the bathroom.” Timmy explained.

You nodded, “Tu es intelligent. (you are intelligent)”

“Merci beaucoup.” He said with a playful smile on his face. “Anyway, I want to speak to the birthday boy!”

You grinned and called over your son. You pulled him on your lap and he instantly smiled when he saw his favorite (and only) uncle in the whole world. “Who’s that?” You asked Beau.

“Timmy!” Beau said with a cute smile which made yours and Timmy’s heart soar. Timmy was his first word and your brother will never not let go of that.

“Hey, buddy! I miss you so much!” Timmy pouted. “When I come back there, I’ll give you lots of presents. Okay?”

“‘Kay!” Beau smiled. He can repeat the last syllables of words, but he can say ‘mama’ and ‘Timmy’ really well. It was weird, but hey, every kid is different.

You, Timmy, and Beau kept talking for a few minutes. On the other line, Timmy didn’t notice Tom entering the bathroom. Tom has never seen Timmy ever since the incident and seeing your brother made Tom nervous. He noticed that Timmy was talking to you and he hid in one of the cubicles to listen.

“Y/N, you don’t have to worry about me giving gifts to him. He’s my nephew! I’m allowed to spoil him. Plus, that’s mom and dad’s first grandchild.” Timmy said.

“I know. I’m just telling you not to spoil him. I can’t afford those things and he might go looking for them.” You told him which made Timmy sigh.

“That’s why I’m here and that’s why I’m his godfather. Besides, who else is going to do that? His deadbeat dad? No fucking way, Y/N.” Timmy shook his head. “I swear I’ll beat him up, but at the same time I’ll thank him for giving you Beau.”

“Don’t beat him up, but thank him for me too.” You said. “Well, I have to go. Pauline is coming over in a few minutes and Beau is making a mess in the living room right now.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to you later before you go to bed.” Timmy said.

“Okay. Bye! Beau, say goodbye to Timmy.” You smiled as Beau walked over to you and showed his face to Timmy. He gave Timmy a toothy grin and said, “Bye!”

“Bye!” Timmy smiled and flew him a kiss through the screen. “Bye, Y/N/N. Take care.”

“You too.” You smiled before hanging up.

Timmy put his phone in his pocket and washed his hands. Tom emerged from one of the cubicles and stared at Timmy. Timmy looked up and saw Tom through the mirror. They stared at each other and Tom cleared his throat and said, “H-How are-”

“Skip the formalities and tell me what the fuck you want.” Timmy hissed. He turned around to face Tom and he crossed his arms.

Tom gulped and took a deep breath. “Y/N has a son?”

“Why does that matter?” Timmy raised an eyebrow.

“Is he mine?” Tom asked.

“Everything related to my sister and my own sister will never be yours. Excuse me.” Timmy said angrily before leaving Tom in the bathroom.

Tom looked at the door where Timmy left and he pulled out his phone to call Sam who was back at home and because he conveniently lived near you.

“Hello?” Sam answered. “I thought you’re at an awards show.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Tom said quickly. “You live near Y/N, right?”

Sam was silent on the other line before speaking again, “Why? Are you planning on getting on with her again? Because if you are, at least break up with Nadia first. What you did was fucked. You’re lucky mum and dad love you.”

“That’s not it, Sam. I think she’s hiding something from me. I overheard her brother saying something about having a nephew and the kid having a deadbeat dad. I’m the deadbeat dad, Sam. I think she hid that from me.” Tom said.

“Are you drunk?” Sam asked in concern. “You know, I think you’re an alcoholic.”

“I’m not fucking drunk, Sam! Just check. Please.” Tom begged.

“I can’t just show up at her place a year later! That’ll be weird. What will I say?” Sam shrieked in panic.

“Tell her that I told you to get something of mine that’s still there and then look around. Tell her that I must’ve left my jacket there.”

“Are you hearing yourself?!” Sam shouted. “That’s fucking weird! You left your jacket and you want it back a year later??? Do you know how suspicious that sounds?! Just straight up ask her!”

“I don’t have her number!” Tom hissed.

“Grow a pair and ask her brother! I won’t help you do your dirty work. Besides, if she did have a child that she hid from you, she has a reason for doing so. If she wants to keep the kid away from you, then she has every right to do that.” Sam told him.

Sam had a point. A minute later, Tom hung up and exited the bathroom to find Timmy. He looked around and he couldn’t find him anywhere. When he asked Timmy’s friend, they told him that he left. It devastated Tom.

A week later, Timmy flew to London to stay with you for a couple weeks. Because he hasn’t seen Beau in a while, he decided to go on a roadtrip with Beau to somewhere far away so you can have some alone time. Your alone time was ruined when someone knocked on your door. You looked through the peephole and furrowed your eyebrows when you saw Tom.

“What the fuck.” You said as soon as you opened the door.

“Hey, Y/N.” Tom said with his hands in his pockets. “May I come in?”

“No.” You said and closed the door, but Tom stopped it with his foot. You inwardly groaned and opened the door again to face him. “What?”

“Where’s my son?” Tom asked.

Inheriting your great acting skills from your older brother, you acted like you didn’t know what he was talking about. “What the fuck are you talking about?” You asked.

“Don’t bullshit me. I overheard Timmy talking to you last week. He was talking about a nephew and a deadbeat dad.” Tom snapped.

“Why are you listening to conversations that don’t concern you?” You asked angrily. Tom shook his head and invited himself inside your flat. You rolled your eyes and sarcastically said, “Sure, come in. Be my guest and make yourself at home, will you?”

You closed the door and walked to the living room as Tom walked around the flat in search of a little boy that he hoped would resemble him. He found the room he once shared with you and saw a crib there. He went back to the living room and asked, “Where is he?”

“It doesn’t concern you.” You simply said.

“I have every right to know because I’m his father!” Tom shouted.

“You just gave me your sperm and I did all the work with the help of my brother. You’re technically a sperm donor, Thomas.” You said with your arms crossed. “Besides, you went back to your girl. I didn’t have the time to tell you.”

“You could’ve-”

“No, I couldn’t. Do you know how that’ll turn out? It’ll be messy! You have a relationship to prioritize and I can’t imagine how she’ll feel when finds out that the girl you cheated on her with is having your baby! That would totally suck! I was thinking of her more than you because she’s been through so much hurt. I wish I could apologize to her, but she probably hates me.” You admitted.

“Fuck that shit. You could’ve told me! When was I supposed to see him? Huh? You took him away from me! I want my son and I have every right to have him! You're so selfish!" Tom yelled angrily.

Tears streamed down your face as you looked at him while you sat on the couch. You took a deep breath and calmly said, "You got your girl back. You got all your dream roles and you are constantly wanted by directors for their movies. You have friends and family who are supportive of you. You have parents who love you and cherish you because according to them, you're the best thing that's ever happened to them. You have all the money in the world to support yourself and there's no doubt that you'll be financially secure for the next ten years. You have everything that I've always wanted."

"Tom, I don't have anyone by my side; I'm single. I've been single ever since you left me. I never got my dream roles and I rarely get casted for anything and if I do get casted, I play either a whore or a mistress because that's what the public sees me as. My whole reputation is now tainted as 'Tom Holland's side chick' and the media will forever portray me as that. It wasn't even my fault because you never told me that you were in a relationship that was hidden from the public."

"Ever since news broke out about you cheating on your girlfriend with me, I lost all my friends. They're all disgusted with me now and everyone thinks I'm a liar when I tell them that I never knew you were taken. My parents? They don't like me; they never did. I may be the youngest, but I was a mistake that they decided to keep because my siblings wanted me. My parents never loved me and they never supported me. I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to them. I don't have all the money in the world because like I said, I rarely get casted for anything. I don't want to live off of my brother's money because he worked hard for it. I struggle to make ends meet and I struggle to find work and I'm doing my best at that while being a single mother for MY son."

You sighed as you wiped the hot tears that never stopped falling from your eyes. "My son is the best thing that's ever happened to me and he's the ONE THING I did right. He's also the one good thing that came out of our little mistake. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's the only one I have and you want to take him away from me? Hell, he's the reason why I'm alive right now. When I look at him, I want to be better so he can have better. You don't understand that, Tom. Just because you're a hot shot doesn't mean you can get everything that you want."

"I just want to be with him. I want him to live with me for a while." Tom said.

"Over my dead body, Thomas." You said sternly. "You can't just strut in here like you own the place. I'm sorry you had to find out through someone else, but I won't let you take him from me."

"Were you planning on telling me?" He asked and you shook your head.

"You told me that being with me was a mistake and that you didn't want anything that has to do with me. So, I kept my mouth shut when I found out. I hid it well and when I did an indie film where I was, you guessed it, a mistress, I was already 5 months pregnant. But I hid it well."

"I just want to help you because I was absent in this child's life."

"I got through it with the help of my siblings, especially Timmy, but I did most of it alone. If I can do it alone now until the rest of my life, I'll do it. I don't need you."

"The kid needs a father and that's me."

"No, he doesn't. You're just thinking that because it's like a trophy for you."

"That's not true." Tom shook his head. "My parents want grandkids and he's my son. I want them to know him."

"They can have grandkids the right way. My son was born out of marriage. I'm sure they'd want their grandkid to be a legitimate child." You told him before getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water.

"Lock the door on your way out, Thomas." You called out from the kitchen before drinking water. Tom sighed before leaving and slamming the door on his way out. ‘The audacity of that man.’ you thought as you shook your head.

Tom went to the pub with the boys and told them everything. Sam shook his head and said, “You pushed through it?! You pushed through your stupid plan of seeing her?! That’s really stupid!”

“Watch your mouth, Sam.” Tom spat.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Besides, she’s right. Nadia will be really hurt if she found out that Y/N’s having your baby. If Y/N can do it without you, she can manage. Just leave her alone. At least you know.”

“Yes, but I want to see him at least. I missed one year of his life. I want to be there for him forever.” Tom frowned.

“You can’t.” Sam shook his head.

“I agree.” Harry nodded. “You ruined Y/N’s reputation and that kid is the only thing that holds Y/N together. She kept it a secret because she wants it all to herself because the media will say shit about her again. If you’re in the kid’s life, you’ll be exposing him to the dangers of the media. She’s just being a mum and that means she’s not risking it.”

“Well said, Harry.” Harrison nodded. “He has a point. You’re not good at keeping secrets either.”

“So what should I do?” Tom asked.

“Nothing.” Tuwaine answered. “Don’t do shit until Y/N says so. Besides, her brother can straight up kill you because you broke her heart and you’re forcing yourself in her son’s life like nothing happened. You’d be a dead man. Imagine the headlines.”

Harrison laughed, “It’s hilarious; ‘Tom Holland killed by Timothée Chalamet’! You’re sending yourself to your own grave, mate.”

Tom sighed heavily as his brothers and friends laughed at his misery.

You told Timmy about Tom’s visit and it angered him. You had to stop him from going to Tom’s flat to give him a piece of his mind. You assured him that Tom wouldn’t bother anymore and that it’s up to you if you want Beau to know who his father is.

It wasn’t until you got your big acting break that you revealed Beau to the public. You’ve been casted in a big movie alongside Timmy and you’ve never been happier. You confided with Timmy and he agreed that it was time to reveal Beau.

You saw Tom’s comment on your Instagram post and ignored it. It’s his first time seeing how Beau looks and he’s probably shocked that Beau doesn’t look like him. Tom messaged you on Instagram and you didn’t want to reply at first, but you figured that it’s been years. Beau is now 4 years old and you knew it was time to let go of your past. It was time for a new chapter. You replied to his message on Instagram and began talking.

With Timmy’s advice and consultation, you allowed Tom to meet Beau and if he wants to, he can visit him every other weekend as long as he follows your rules.

You finally spoke to Nadia about your past issue and now both of you are okay. She believed every word you said and you thanked her for that. She even said that Beau was a very bright child with a great future ahead of him.

Tom wasn’t around all the time due to his schedule, but whenever he’s in the country with a free schedule, he makes sure to give it to Beau. They may not be as close as Tom would like, but at least they were getting along.

You moved on with your life and you finally got everything that you wished for. You got your dream roles, your parents were finally trying to have a decent relationship with you, your sister was around you more, the media was finally asking your side of the story to clear your name, you’re financially secure, Timmy finally moved in with you to help you with Beau, and you started dating someone again. Life is great.

* * * *

sorry if the ending shitty

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @thatforgottenangel @parkerpeter24 @turtoix @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @buckys-little-hoe @runawayolives @chewymoustachio @hollandsrecs @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @juliediggory @lharrietg @alexx-stancati @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @spideyspeaches @thevelvetseries @buckymylove @quxxnxfhxll @marvelsimps @dreamy-clousds @bora-world @hunnybunimdun @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg

[sleepywinchester]

Fool For You Pt. 8

Summary:  You are back in your hometown Freeridge to take care of your sister Jasmine and your father after being away for six years. You left Freeridge looking for a better life but in that process you had to let go of someone you loved. But you’re back and things are not the same but they sure feel like it.

Words: 2K+

Warnings: N/A

A/N: Hola!!!! Hope everyone is safe at home! This continues the story as a some sort of a series re-write. It won’t be something of all the episodes but the main ones of where Spooky appears. Hope you guys like this and always feel free to leave some feedback is so appreciated it.

This was supposed to be posted for Valentine's day but life happens and I ended up finishing this chapter 3 months later... lol

| MESSAGE BOX | HAPPY READING!!!

(english is not my first language, might be some typos around)

Title:  Happy Valentine's Day

Chapters: Uno - Dos - Tres - Cuatro - Cinco - Seis - Siete

Six years have passed since you spent Valentine's day with Oscar. The memories of the last one brought a lot of good and mischief feelings to your soul. He had just inherited his father's beautiful red car. Memories of the week prior to the festivities, all he talked about him taking you for a day trip to Santa Monica. A chuckle filled the space as you remembered when you both got caught having a making out section by the beach.

“What are you giggling about mamas?” Oscar’s deep voice brought you back to the present.

You turned around standing in the middle of the bathroom doorway, seeing him sitting by the edge of the bed. He was wearing a black tank and his khaki dickies. Leaning against the door frame with your electric pink toothbrush on hand you gazed at him and took the brush out to speak.

“I was reminiscing about our last Valentine's day together…” you smirked before placing the tooth brush inside your mouth.

Oscar instantly chuckled, “Santa Monica wasn’t ready for those dos traviesos teenagers.”

You took the brush out, turning back to spit out the toothpaste foam and have some water. “Those?” You said leaving the toothbrush on the counter and walked back to the room and stood in front of Oscar. He looked up, his hazel eyes piercing yours. “Baby we are still dos traviesos,” you said before kissing him.

He followed your lead within seconds, letting his body fall back on the bed. You continued kissing his hips as his hands traveled your body. “You got time?” Your eyes were looking at his as your hands were on his belt.

“Para ti? All the fucking time,” he smirked and then continued kissing him.

The morning activities had woken up a hunger for both of you. Oscar was speaking with some homies on the phone as you cooked scrambled eggs with bacon. They had some runs to make but deeply you hoped those didn’t take long. Out of nowhere the thought of Caesar crossed your mind and that you never heard him come home last night.

“Hey, have you seen-,”

Your words were cut by Caesar himself busting inside the house yelling.

“Hey! Hey! There’s a dude posted up outside!’

In a matter of seconds Oscar stood from the chair, grabbed the gun from on top of the counter and stormed outside. Your heart began to bump so fast, scared for both of them.

Quickly you grabbed the phone and began dialing Sad Eyes as you peeped from the window and instantly recognized who that man was.

“Oh shit,” you said, putting the phone down. Mr. Diaz has been in jail for almost a decade. You haven’t seen him since middle school when he got locked up. Oscar aura changed completely at the sight of his father. When he turned his body, you saw it on his eyes, he wasn’t happy his father was back. Mr. Diaz grabbed his duffel bag from the floor and crossed the street making his way towards the house.

“Babe?” You called him as he walked in. “When - How?”

Oscar shook his head groaning, “I have no fucking clue.”

You stood by the kitchen watching Mr. Diaz cautiously walk inside the house. His eyes roamed every inch of the space but when he spotted you, his eyes disappeared because of the big smile he gave you.

“Y/N,” he said.

You smiled back, “Hey Mr. Diaz…”

“I can see you two still together… Good.” He said looking at Oscar and you.

You smile awkwardly, “Yeah…”

Mr. Diaz picked up the awkwardness of the moment but decided to ignore it by walking around the kitchen and living room area. He admired the house as if it was an old museum.

You decided to walk around the living room and sit next to Oscar who was already sitting on the sofa with Caesar. You were right in the middle of the two brothers.

“So when did you get out?” Caesar asked, his voice had the tone of a 3 year old excited kid.

“Yesterday,” Mr. Diaz replied, still contemplating the house, “Looks kind of the same…” he said looking around, “doesn’t smell the same tho.”

You smiled proudly at his comment, “That would be my doing.“

“You live here?” He asked you.

Your eyes felt Oscar staring, it was obvious how he felt about his father being out of prison. He didn’t want him here but looking at his father, you really didn’t think he cared what Oscar thought or not. “Yeah.” You looked at your boyfriend. “I’ve added a couple things,” your sight went back to Mr. Diaz, “you know a bit of a female touch.”

“That’s good,”’he sat down across from the sofa. Mr. Diaz's eyes were locked on Oscar before switching them to his younger son. “You in school?” His Mexican accent was heavy and distinguished.

“Of course he is,” Oscar replied for his younger brother.

He looked at his older son, “How about you? Going to college?”

You saw Oscar raise an eyebrow, not believing the question he just got asked.

“Seriously?” Oscar said with unbelief.

“It's nice to see you,” Caesar told his dad, who just answered with a nod as he took a drag off his cigarette. “Do you have plans?”

“No,” he said, “just wanted to see you guys before I go to Bakersfield. Got a job lined up.”

“Caesar, you need to get to school,” Oscar said with his tone firm. You watched Caesar trying to give his older puppy eyes to let him stay but they didn’t work on him. Instead he rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag.

He was about to leave when he turned around. Caesar's body shook as he tried to figure out how to talk to his father. “Hey... Do you maybe I don’t know… wanna hang? After school?”

“Sure,” Mr. Diaz replied without much emotion.

Not being facial expressive in this family, the male Diaz didn’t show much emotion or even spoke much for that matter. You watched how Caesar smiled happily, for years Oscar was the only father figure to him. Meanwhile Oscar never really had a father figure.

“So where are you staying?” Oscar asked his father once his brother was out of the house.

He looked at his son replying before taking another dragg. “Here.”

In that moment Oscar stood up from the couch, you could feel how pissed off he was. You watched him walk towards the bedroom, leaving you alone with Mr. Diaz.

“He hates me,” he said with his voice low.

Another thing he had in common with his son was that his eyes spoke a thousand words.

You didn’t know how to speak to him or what to say, last time you saw this man was in 9th grade. “He-,” you cleared your throat, “I don’t know if he hates you or not… it's been years and honestly we haven’t talked about you in the past months.”

“Months?” he arched an eyebrow confused, “you two were inseparable when kids thought you were together all these years.”

“Not really,” you said standing up, “we broke up well-,” you shrugged, “I broke up with him when we graduated high school, I moved away for a couple years but I came back a couple months ago and now we are together again.”

Mr. Diaz nodded his head, “At least you found each other again.”

“Si…” you said getting distracted by a loud crash coming from the bedrooms, “Tengo que ir donde él… Hablamos más luego.”

The noise of bangs and things breaking became louder the more you reached the room. Once in front of the closed door, you took a big deep breath preparing yourself to see a very pissed off Oscar. Before you opened the door, the loud noises suddenly stopped. The first thing you noticed when you opened the door was all the broken glass on the floor. Your eyes scanned around the messy room until they met Oscar once again sitting by the edge of the bed in silence. Instantly you noticed the blood on his hands and had a small panic attack.

“Oscar!” You shouted quickly running into the bathroom for the first aid kit. This was one of the first things you bought when you moved in with him. You know that sooner or later you would need it and you weren’t wrong. Going back to him you knelt down between his legs, his eyes were stuck on the floor, filled with rage.

“Talk to me,” you looked into his eyes that were filled with suppressed tears. “Oscar… hablame.”

He hissed when you poured antiseptic over his cut, “Crap.”

“Exactly,” you glared at him, “Why were you breaking all this crap!?” Oscar rolled his eyes. “I saw that,” you told him as you continued to cover his cut.

“He hasn’t called or written for years and now he just comes back as if nothing ever happened?!” Oscar let out what was bothering him. “I-,” he clenched his jaw, “I hate him.”

“Don’t say that,” you looked into his eyes. “He- he wasn’t the best father but es tu papa.”

“I hate him, Y/N…” Oscar's eyes were full of rage.

You sighed, finishing up putting on the bandage and standing up. Today wasn’t supposed to be full of troubles from the past. It was supposed to be a chill day with your boyfriend. You were hoping to go on a date and have a normal Valentines day and you weren’t going to have less. Oscar and you needed an escape from the real world. “Let’s get out of here,” you told him.

He looked at you confused, “Que?”

“Let’s get out of here,” you said again, “is Valentine’s day for fucks sake. I am not letting your father’s return ruin this day.”

You could see how the rage in his eyes slowly burned out at the same time a small smirk formed on the corner of his lips. He sighed looking away for a second before standing up and holding you close.

“Tienes razon,” he said, “let’s get out of here.”

Both changed into new clothes and made an overnight bag. There weren’t plans made for today but you and Oscar were big fans of spontaneity. Something would come up and honestly being away from home sounded like a great idea at this moment. Oscar texted his brother letting him know he was going to be out for a day. You chuckled when he out-loud said “don’t do anything stupid” as he typed.

“You know that’s practically impossible,” you told him. The breeze of the coast made your hair fly with the air as your extremely hot man drove. “Those chamacos go from one stupid thing to another,” you continued, “we weren’t like that.”

“We were too busy having sex,” Oscar said, “in this car.”

You chuckled quickly looking at the backseat and reminiscing, “Ah, the old days but I’m pretty sure Caesar and Monse are doing something.”

Oscar’s face instantly looked so disgusted, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

You chuckled, “Es la verdad.”

“They broke up,” Oscar said.

“How many times did we break up cuando eramos chamacos?”

“Too many fucking times,” he let out.

Once again you chuckled, “And we always ended up back together… Those two are the fucking same.”

He smirked, deep down he was happy his little brother had someone. His eyes found yours again, “Where are we going?”

“There is this small inn by Santa Monica. The reviews said it is the perfect couples getaway.” You finished the sentence with a flirtatious wink. “We can be more traviesos.”

“I hope Caesar doesn’t get in any trouble while we’re down here,” he let out.

You caressed the back of Oscar's neck, smiling when he let his shoulders relax at your touch. “Everything is going to be fine,” you told him. “My sister is hanging out with them and if anything happens, we will be the first to know. Now can you just give me your all devoted attention and don’t think about your brother and his crazy friends…” You kissed his lips.

Oscar looked at your eyes for a second before turning his focus back to the road. For the rest of the hour you tried your best to take Oscar's mind off his father and his brother.

/ / /

“This is fucking nice,” Oscar let out putting his duffel bag on top of the white bed.

You chuckled, “Look at the view.”

He stood by you on the window holding you by the waist and taking in the beautiful sight of the beach. “Thank you,” he whispered in your ear.

“For what?” you smiled.

“You make everything better,” he said, “if it wasn’t for you this day would have fucking sucked but you… you made it better.”

It was a rare thing for him to be so spoken of his feelings but God how much you loved it when these unusual moments happened. Without hesitating you kissed his lips.

“I got an idea,” he stopped kissing you. “We need to get ready.”

You certainly loved surprises and even more when coming from him. For tonight you decided to wear a white dress with high heel sandals. You wore your hair natural just like your make up only adding a bright red lipstick.

“Wow,” you let out when you saw Oscar walking out of the bathroom. He was wearing a white button long sleeve shirt and khaki pants with his converse. You smiled taking in how handsome he looked. “You look hot.”

He smiled for you, “Tu tambien mamas’,” he walked around you, “I’m so lucky.”

You got closer to him, “Yes you are,” kissing him.

He held your hand as you two walked through the streets of Santa Monica. The fresh air coming from the ocean was salty and so pleasant. You followed Oscar lead down the streets until you two got to a small restaurant by the beach.

“Una mesa para dos,” Oscar spoke to the hostess.

She smiled and showed you two the way to a small table outside. The sounds of the waves in the background played better than any song. There was a small candle on the table, lighting bright enough to see Oscar’s eyes on you. Moments like this when there could be a million people around and his eyes were always on you. These were the moments you felt like the only woman in this world.

“This is nice,” you told him, “unusual for us but nice.”

“Our usual dates involve shrimp tacos and watching movies at home,” he said reading the menu.

“I love those dates too,” you said.

Instantly he looked up from the menu and winked giving you a small smirk. “But sadly those are postponed until nuevo aviso because my father decided to just come home after a fucking decade.”

You sighed, “Oscar can we just forget about your dad for one night?”

“You’re right,” he sighed, “Perdon.”

“He told me he thinks you hate him,” you couldn’t help but ignore your own words and talk about his father. Instantly he shot a ‘are you serious?’ glare at you. Innocently you shrugged, “Sorry pero you started.”

“I do hate him,” he said with no remorse.

“Why?”

Oscar put the menu to the side, leaning backwards and crossing his arms onto his chest. “I wrote letters to him,” he began to say. You could feel the sadness in his tone, “for years I wrote and called… You know what I got in return? Nothing.” He placed both of his elbows on the table, holding his hands onto a tight fist. You placed your hand on top of his, “When he left I was a kid but I had to grow up and be a father for my little brother without knowing what a father was. Maybe if he had kept contact or replied to my letter maybe I wouldn’t have turned out so fucked up but he didn’t and here I am… A fucking mess.”

“Hey,” you hold his chin up, “we’re all a fucking mess but it’s just life, you did the best you could and Caesar has turned out good.”

Oscar clenched his jaw, “I guess… I only had one normal while growing up though.”

“What?” You were curious about what his answer would be.

His eyes disappeared into a thin line as his smile grew bigger, “You.”

You giggled with happiness, “Baby I ain’t that normal.”

“You are,” he holds your hand softly caressing it, “I love you.”

You leaned forward kissing his perfect lips and whispering, “I love you too.”

tags are open: just comment or send me a message ;)

@flamingweasley @dolanackles @lcandothisallday @mmelissarenee @donnaintx @blckgrl-sunflower @jayankles oscar

[samissosexyyy]

Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

[feuqueerfire]

Utsukushii Kare Live Blogging

I think I'll perish if I don't write down every thought and comment that enters my head and keep it as a keepsake/memories; so here's my My Beautiful Man commentary as I watch.

Episode 1 (February 17, 2022)

Started with French subs, just to feel productive even though I’m wasting time lol let’s hope I can pay attention to both the subs and what’s happening at the same time and also learn some French.

This Kiyoi character... very beautiful; his face and his demeanour really draws you to him

"only MY friends and I get get to bully him, YOU do not."

my dude Hira truly has no self-preservation skills

Conversations between Kiyoi and Hira is just Kiyoi going "What? ????" every other minute because Hira is so incomprihensble to him; to be fair I also don't really get Hira and his actions toward Kiyoi. I guess Kiyoi is the first person he's had any type of connection with even if it's not like a beautiful, perfect connection and so he feels every interaction very acutely

Was that very very last second insinuating that Hira's gonna jerk off looking at Kiyoi's photo? love that, reminds me of Don't Say No Episode 1 Fiat which was the only nsfw scene in that show that I didn't skip

Both characters are interesting to me and keep me engaged. Characters are usually the most important thing to me while watching, so I'm looking forward to the rest of the show

Episode 2 (February 18, 2022)

Actually, I do get why Hira is fixated on Kiyoi (beautiful/magnetic, they share secrets and moments that feel like the world to Hira because he's been lonely forever) and they both seem umm slightly messed up, so this is fun

oh no the object of my affections whose photo i jerked off to recently is now sitting on the bed where i jerked off thinking of them

He's leaving all the hooligans with their fireworks at his place? And Kiyoi's coming too, the only person I'd think might care enough to not ruin the whole house. I wouldn't surprised if they return from the store to ashes lmao

Hira apologizing for the weather being too hot... endearing

Something very interesting about this show is that despite some situations or interactions in the show being awkward, it's not really awkward or cringy to watch as a viewer. The interactions seem natural somehow and the actors seem to have great synergy, whatever that means, so that their interactions just... aren't awkward. So far, at least.

This biking by the lake scene is so beautiful woah :0 I wish I could screenshot but alas, Viki makes it a black screen

oooh detention/punishment together

"Je te vois toujours en train de me regarder" "C'est parce que... tu es beau, Kiyoi-kun"

Hira coming out of his shell around Kiyoi T.T

oh my god a water play fight >.< Hira even tricking Kiyoi as they play together

How does Kiyoi fall for the pointing & "look there!" trick TWICE

It's too happy... the past few minutes have been too good...

I find so many scenes so pretty, like the night fireworks scene was so atmospheric

I like the characters and their chemistry, can't wait to see where this goes

Episode 3 (February 19-20, 2022)

the machine gun scene?!?!

HUH? he said "I like you" just like that?

Okay I know I already said they're both somewhat fucked up but I realize that doesn't start to capture it as Hira declares "I would die for you!" to his kid who is mean to him but with whom he feels some human connection

the show hasn't been sunshine and rainbows thus far but it seems ike the actual angst is about to start now

Hira's monologue of how Kiyoi helped him help himself T.T

many of their interactions make me nervous in a really good way - such as this one with them sitting at desks in the classroom. it's like the air around them is charged

aksldfjk;alsfj "don't use it for weird things?" "weird things?" "without asking" and the speed at which Hira turned around and then him having to admit he's jerked off to Kiyoi's photo (just once). this running thread is truly my favourite, I thought we were done with it but I'm glad we're not

Hira saying he doesn't know if he likes boys but he doesn't like any other boys and he doesn't like any girls, either; just Kiyoi makes a lot of sense with his character and the story. It's not a "I don't like boys; just you" trope - it's more like Hira has basically imprinted on Kiyoi as he's the first person he's felt a connection to. I like it.

Honestly Hira has been getting bolder and bolder throughout the series and it's interesting to see. Like before he used to be taken advantage of by anybody and everybody, then he started getting more comfortable and bold around Kiyoi and now he can fight someone to defend Kiyoi and also tell Kiyoi he once jerked off to a photo of him and also he likes him. What I find the most interesting is that it's still not really a healthy type of development, like being overcome by anger at people slighting Kiyoi (bro the machine gun imagery...) and I think he'd still let Kiyoi take advantage of him. Hira is developing in relation to where he stands with other people but he's sooo taken with Kiyoi that it affects his emotions and behaviour immensely.

Kiyoi is so... "do you want to kiss me?" *gives hand*

ahh you evil man lol

oh my god it's such a tender and soft hand kiss viki why won't you let me screenshot !!!

Note to self: search on tumblr to look for gifs of this hand kiss + the bike along the river after I'm done watching and don't have to be wary of spoilers

"We rarely talked, we just spent time in silence" my favourite

lmfao Kiyoi still making Hira do his homework - Hira's defiance really wilts against Kiyoi

I think the reason I'm enjoying this dynamic so much whereas I might not in other cases is because of how self-aware it is. It's not seen as the peak of romance and healthy relationships; Hira says it's not even a relationship but rather "It was one way, like faith in a diety." and so we're actually exploring this unbalanced dynamic that exists rather than pretending that it's something more pure and desirable

This compilation of them spending time together... so cute

ahhhhhhhhh

girl what is going on what is this kiss then shove onto ground

Hira's internal monologue at the end... so full of longing

woahhh we're getting a time skip in the middle of the show? that's exciting! We will get to actually see what happens in a time skip and how they grow as individuals and how they'll grow together once they meet again. The reason time skips at the end of a show doesn't work for me is bc it always acts like nothing changed during that time, as if both the characters and their relationship was static during hose years, so I'm excited to see how they handle this.

I've been watching 1 episode a day so far and I still have 3 episodes left. I want to start Cupid's Last Wish when it airs but I don't wanna be in the middle of this show and thinking about them while watching CLW. I don't have time to watch all 3 episodes today either :<

Maybe I'll try to watch another episode today and 2 episodes tomorrow and actually start CLW on Tuesday? I'll probably have to avoid Tumblr for a while since I don't want CLW spoilers but there's like no hype for it so maybe I won't even have to do that lol

Episode 4 (February 20, 2022)

i can't make myself and unpause and actually watch them meeting in this cafe, it's making me too nervous

Hira thinks "I want to kneel down at your feet right now" and my brain feels like it's gonna melt out of my ears; are there fanfic of this show on AO3? I really hope so, I might check it out after I finish the show

Hira and Koyama seem such cute friends :< I hope even if Koyama likes Hira and gets his heart broken they still remain friends or part amicably rather than Koyama becoming evil or something

this treasure chest full of old photos...

Hira in a disguiseeee awww

i am at a family friends’ party and i have to exercise so much self control to not watch this on my phone right now… i need to experience it on a bigger screen in my room so that i can fully enjoy

okay 3 hours into this dawaat and the other kids are trying to watch euphoria ep7 so i’ve decided actually watching on phone is fine for now

oh my godddd kiyoi has tried to reach hira by phone and i believe the fact that he couldn’t has tortured him woahh

okay love the insecure jealous kiyoi being like are you dating him?

but i feel like he doesn’t have the right to do the pulling collar and saying “him or me? who do you like?” like it’s tooo intense for it having been like 2 days since you remet

hello this physical violence? kiyoi learn to express emotions via words dang! you're an adult with a career now

i wonder how the choices hira has will be explored: do anything and everything for kiyoi without regard to anybody else (hope not), let kiyoi go and focus on friendships and other people (wouldn’t happen and i wouldn't want it to but the thought has crossed hira’s mind), learn to balance people in his life without it being a detriment to his own self (would love to see how this would play out and how the choices would affect kiyoi, who is kinda possessive over hira but unwilling to express what he feels)

ive thought Kiyoi is magnetic and beautiful since his first scene but the more time we spend with Hira and with his face on the screen, the more beautiful I come to find it

oh yeah i heard something about a POV switch okay interesting

my hope for next two episodes: more communication and romantic scenes so that Hira and Kiyoi make each other better people but still with tinges of fucked upness like these two just cannot be normal about each other.

good things for koyoma.

Episode 5 (February 21, 2022)

turns out I can't watch CLW anyway since it's not on Youtube (for now?) so I'm glad I didn't rush to finish this

woahh the parallels

yayyy tortured kiyoi just as i hope

they're both such disasters lmao kiyoi's incapable of being genuine or expressing his thoughts but my dude, step it up

this plastic duck, mr. canard do you know the role you are playing

oh no koyoma knocking over this box

wait koyoma what

i guess koyoma thought it was his last chance and that if he didn't take it, he'd lose hira to kiyoi without knowing that he could never hope to actually come between these two. they're way too obsessed with each other, intertwined in each other's thoughts even when they're not in each other's lives

Koyoma being like wtf I do not understand about why you like Kiyoi and Hira being unable to explain it like sooo true it's Hira and Kiyoi's special bad relationship, outsiders cannot comprehend it

I don't like the "I must be a terrible person" or "Am I that bad?" thing Koyoma is doing; very umm manipulative and incel-y reaction to rejection like people are allowed to not just be attracted to you

Me talking about what's unhealthy in this show and mentioning Koyoma of all people -_- okay the thing is the creators, characters, viewers all know Hira and Kiyoi don't have a healthy, desirable relationship and the story is explicit in that; we enjoy the show and characters both because of and despite of that. On the other hand, Koyoma is portrayed as a sympathetic character but I don't like how he's behaving, thus the mention.

I enjoy Hira's POV better than Kiyoi's - or maybe it's that with Kiyoi it's generally us getting to see new information and scenes like so far with Kiyoi it's only been reminiscing on the past or showing reactions we as viewers have already guessed

If we get dual POV, I enjoy it much more if both sides are progressing the story rather than rehashing the same scene with individual thoughts/POV

I didn't really get everything I want from this episode and there weren't any interactions between Hira and Kiyoi, so I really, really hope they stick the landing in the last episode

Episode 6 (February 21, 2022)

Last episode ! My assignment due date got push back so here I am instead of finishing it up! Let's hope it ends well because I've really enjoyed the show thus far

Koyoma wanting Hira to be happy so letting Kiyoi know how Hira feels about him but being too hurt to explicitly tell Kiyoi to treat him well or to pursue a relationship...

Okay, actually disregard that because Koyoma seems to be orchestrating Kiyoi and Hira meeting

Kiyoi, on stage and staring directly ahead to where Hira is: I love you.

Hira: These are words he would never say to me

When I tell you I'm unwilling to let this show go without it explicitly showing affection between the two of them. I need it for my mental health

Men with anger issues are so scary; I like watching fucked up people but I hope Kiyoi gets therapy or anger management classes fr

This finger sucking ?!?!?! and lapping at blood on his knuckle ?!?!?!

"Are you saying you want to hoop up?" "No." "Why not?" "Because you're the king. And I'm your servant." MY BRAIN IS MELTING OUT OF MY EARS

Confessing their love for each other but somehow both manage to have a terrible time lmfao they're perfect for each other because what the hell

They're sooo dramatic

"I'm not the 'King.' Screw you! I'm an ordinary guy." I wish we had more time to explore this and Kiyoi's thought process

Kiyoi in tears as he says "I'm not a god" I really do wish we could've explored the affect Hira's worship had on him more; we got to see a bit of it this episode, especially as he spoke about how Hira just doesn't understand how he feels or what Hira did wrong because of Hira's perception of him but I want more

Oh my god, this ending scene with them biking and bickering and being cute T.T Everything I wanted, I so wish the second half of the episode was like this instead of them only getting together at the end

This episode was so volatile but I guess that's expected, considering who the two of them are as people and also together.

Final Thoughts

I enjoyed this! I thought the characters and their dynamic, while not unique, was explored nicely, especially in the first half. I enjoy watching deranged people be deranged together.

I will say my hopes for what purpose the time skip would serve didn't really play out. I wish we got to see some progression in both the characters and their relationship but there wasn't much change in their dynamic, except perhaps more intense and volatile emotions from Kiyoi's side. I enjoyed the part in episode 3 where they were hanging out together and the very ending part of them once again spending time together and I would love to see more of that, rather than them separate and stewing in their own feelings.

I wonder if there'll be a season 2, I'd love to watch their relationship bloom; that ending part with the bicycle was soooo good like traces of their old selves, along with the new-found comfort~

It's visually so pleasing to watch too, the scenery and actors both very beautiful.

Oh yes! The word I’ve been looking for but kept forgetting is dysfunctional; that’s what their relationship was and I want to see them navigate it

Rating: 6.5  7/10 [Oct 29, 2022 Update: Increased by 0.5 stars when rerating my top BLs + shows]

[thatesqcrush]

Christmas in The Heights

Nevada Ramirez x Reader. I haven’t written Nevada in a hot minute. This is for @madpanda75 who requested Nevada and lights for holiday bingo. I also had an anon from way back when request Nevada with the line: “You’re the only one who gets to call me that, you know.” from the grumpy prompt list.

CW: blowjobs, language, p in v sex.

WC: 1828

AN: Posting without editing. Sorry for typos. Also Spanish sprinkled throughout. Will post a key at the end.

***

Christmas in The Heights was a multi-sensory experience. Lights hung off the fire escapes of the apartment building. As temperatures begin to fall and the sun begins to set a bit earlier, corner fruit stands put away the limónes and naranjas and instead, put out peras, apples and uvas dangling from strings, a lot like seasonal baubles. Groups of family and friends, or Aguinaldos, would walk from house to house, singing with great cheer and as they made their way around the neighborhood, creating a spontaneous holiday street festival.

You looked down from your apartment window, smiling as you watched the Aguinaldo make its way around, with more and more people joining in. You danced around in just an oversized sweatshirt and a Santa hat as you strung up more and more lights around the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, Nevada.

You looked at the clock, after stringing up the last of the lights. Nevada was nowhere to be found. You let out an irritated sigh. Everyone would soon be arriving for Noche Buena and you told everyone during el Día de Acción de Gracias that you would happily host.

You check on the puerco asado, the delicious smell making your stomach rumble. Everything else was ready – the roast pork was the last thing to cook. You had ensalada rusa, pasteles and moro de gandules. You picked up fresh telera from the bakery along with dulce frio and spiced bread pudding. Not one to forget the little kids who would be coming – including Nevada’s nephew and niece, you picked up gomitas (and had some soaking in rum for the adults).

It was no surprise that Nevada had the apartment wired with cameras. When you’re the El Jefe, everyone wants to take a shot at you. You opened the app on your phone, scanning various rooms – no dice on Trujillo’s location. On a hunch, you decide to look in the underground garage and sure enough, he was there – working on his motorcycle.

You smile and slip on your chanclas and make way downstairs – but not before lowering the heat on the oven, lest you ruin the roast pork.

**

“Nevada, what are you doing?” You ask. “Everyone is going to be here soon – even your egotistical hermano.”

“Ya me voy.” Nevada grumbles, barely looking up at you as he works on the motorcycle. His hands are smeared with oil and he is wearing a black tanktop and worn jeans. They ride dangerously low on his hips and desire pools between your thighs. He stands up straight and comments how he’s hot, before whipping off his tank top, wiping his brow with it.

You swallow hard, your eyes raking over his lean, taut body, covered in thick dark chest hair. But the furrowed brows and scowl on his face brought you back to reality. He seemed on edge, and this was completely out of character for him.

“Oye papi, que pasas?” You ask softly, approaching him. Nevada looks at you, the frown deepening.

“Nada mami. Go back upstairs and finish getting ready – I’ll be up soon.”

You straighten to your full height and cross your arms. Your eyes narrow and your lips purse. “No me jodas. Dime la verdad mi osito.”

Nevada drops the wrench and in two wide steps, he’s in front of you, meeting you eye to eye. His normally jade eyes are dark and intense. You match his heated expression and arch a single brow.

Nevada met his match with you. You both stood there staring at each other, nostrils flaring and tempers rising. Finally Nevada backed down, taking a step back. He reached for the wrench and whipped it at the wall, the sound of the metal clattering echoing though the garage. “You’re the only one who gets to call me that, you know.” Nevada replies irritated.

“Nevada, por favor, talk to me.” You reply, your face softening. Never had you seen him keyed up like this.

Nevada hops onto a stool and rubs his hands over his face. “It’s my brother.”

“What about him?” You ask, walking over until you stood in front of him again. You leaned into him – he smelled like a mix of leather and sweat.

“Every time he comes home – to el barrio – he goes on and on about being some big shot abogado with los gringuitos. He’s a fucking sellout – even changing his last name to be one of them. And then all I hear is oye, why can’t you be more like Bryan – look what he’s made of his life and all you got is el club.” Nevada huffed.

You look at Nevada sadly. “Amor, who gives a shit. El es demasiado. You have so much to be proud of. So you amass your wealth differently, who cares? I don’t. I love you, for you. I wouldn’t be with you if you were like Bryan, so fucking uptight with his skinny bitch of a wife. I am surprised they are even coming at all.”

“They have the nanny with them and they are staying in the city – who, by the way, Bryan is fucking.” Nevada laughs coldly.

“Speaking of fucking….” Your eyes rake over Nevada’s bare chest once more. “Want to have some fun before everyone shows?”

A delicious grin spreads on Nevada’s face. “Damn mami, I like the way you think.”

Nevada hops off the stool and you wink before you remove your sweatshirt. You weren’t wearing a bra, so you were clad in just your panties. Your eyes land on the massive erection pressing against the front of his jeans.

Nevada unbuttons his jeans and it’s no surprise to you that he is commando. You take your sweatshirt and drop it in front of him, using it as a cushion as you fall to your knees, your pulse racing with excitement.

You nuzzles his warm flesh, your hands trailing up his muscled thighs. Your pussy aches as you take his cock into your hand. It’s huge and thick and you can feel every vein and ridge in your hand. It’s perfect. You lick your lips hungrily and take his cock in your mouth. His cock felt heavy in your mouth and you relished in the feeling. You look up at him, meeting his heated gaze as you bob on his erection.  The salty taste of his pre-cum floods your mouth and you let out a muffled moan as his hands wrap into your hair.

“That’s it mami.” Nevada grunts. “Suck my cock.” Both hands grip the back of my head, guiding you on his length, silently encouraging you to take more and more until the head of his cock hits the back of your throat. You choke and sputter, saliva pooling down your chin and dripping. You briefly close your eyes and relax your throat and again begin working his length.

You flick your tongue against the underside of the head of his cock. “Love your cock papi. But I like it better in my pussy.” You spat into your hand and gave Nevada’s cock a few strokes before guiding him back into your mouth. You began to rhythmically bob once more, while using your hand to help jack him off.

Nevada hisses and tighten his grip on your hair, forcing you off him. Your lips are spit shiny and swollen, your mascara from earlier in the day runs down your cheeks. Nevada drops to a squat, so he is eye to eye with you. His hand grips the back of your neck. “Is that what you want? For me to fuck you?”

You nod. “Please papi. I need it.”

“Over the bike.” Nevada growls. You nod and stand on wobbly legs, bracing yourself over the seat of the bike, your ass presented to him.

There is no teasing, no playing with your pussy – Nevada wasn’t in the mood. Instead he smacks your ass hard, resulting in your eyes being pinpricked with tears and a reddened imprint on your ass.

Nevada stands behind you and runs his hand over his length. He pats your ass with his dick before he uses his fingers to push your panties to the side. He teasingly rubs it against your folds. You moaned and tried to press against him, desperate for his cock. “Don’t worry my beautiful puta. You’ll get papi’s cock.”

Nevada grips your hips tightly and slides his cock into you, letting out a deep satisfying grunt. He fucks you earnestly, each thrust propelling you forward.

“Oh yes, just like that!” You moan. “Fuck me papi, give it to me.”

Nevada grunts as he continues to pound into you. “Damn, mamí, your pussy is so fucking good.” He grips the fat of your ass and rolls it before delivering another spank.  Nevada feels your walls flutter around his cock and he knows you are close.

“Cream all over that cock.” Nevada encourages. He reaches around and uses the rough pad of his thumb to rub circles on your swollen clitoris.

You wail his name as the coil in your belly explodes, like fireworks being set off.

“That’s it.” Nevada grunts. Just as you are coming down, he pulls out of you and turns you around. You squat and begin to suck his cock once more, tasting the combined mixture of your and his release on his cock.

“Oh, fuck Y/N, oh fuck.” Nevada groans, his cock twitching and pulsing in your mouth as he comes, unloading his seed into your warm mouth.

“Don’t swallow.” You hear him say and you look up at him once more and open your mouth, showing off his release on your tongue.

“Muy bien.” Nevada grunts. “Now swallow.” You do as told and then open your mouth once more, showing off that it is clean.

Nevada pulls you up and kisses you hard. He trails the outline of your face and for a brief moment, the ruthless blood hungry drug lord appears soft.

You press a kiss to the tip of his finger. “Now lets go back upstairs before dinner gets ruined.”

Nevada pulls on his jeans and you slip your sweatshirt on. Eventually you both clean up and head back upstairs where you finish dinner. Both of you clean up, no one is wise to the fact that you had both been fucking just an hour prior. You watch carefully as Nevada greets his brother and his sister-in-law. You hand some gomitas to the kids and they both run off to see the presents under the tree.

You hand out glasses filled with ponche de ron to Bryan and his wife, whatever ordinary name she has, and you plaster a smile on your face. Nevada whispers in your ear as you nod along, pretending to be interested in the latest legal win the attorney had.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” Nevada murmurs.

You cover mouth with your drink and turn slightly towards him. “Love you too papi.”

FIN.

**

Key: 

Limónes: lemons

Naranjas: oranges

Peras: pears

Uvas: grapes

Noche Buena: Christmas Eve

Día de Acción de Gracias: Thanksgiving Day

Ponche de ron: Spiked eggnog like drink

Puerco asado: roast pork

Ensalada rusa: Russian salad

Pasteles: in some cultures, this means cake/pastries but for the purposes of this story, I use it as mashed plaintains stuffed with meat and its wrapped in banana leaves - these only come out during Christmas. 

Moro de gandules/arroz con gandules: Rice with pigeon peas

Telera: Bread that only comes out during Christmas.

Gomitas: gummy bears 

Oye papi, que pasas?: Hey daddy, what’s up?

Ya me voy: I’m leaving.

No me jodas. Dime la verdad mi osito: Don’t bullshit me, tell me the truth, little bear. 

**

Tags: @madpanda75 @tropes-and-tales @delia26 @mgarner1227 @beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49 @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoolike @thefanficfaerie @theenchantedgalleryofstories @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty @ktiz90 @evee87 @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-giggles @rampantmuses @jazzyjoi @caked-crusader @rachelxwayne @prurientpuddlejumper @lv7867 @permanentlydizzy @bisexual-dreamer02 @madamsnape921 @averyhotchner @teamsladsandgents @stardust-fray

[cuddlepilefics]

Sneezes in the snow

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie: Felix

Caregiver: Chan, Changbin, Hyunjin

 Felix’ POV.:

“Oh, come on Lix, don’t be a party pooper. It’s just going to be a short walk to the café, we’ll have a drink and a chat and then walk back home”, Chan sighed, “none of the other members are complaining, so why do you have to be difficult?” I bit my lip at our leader’s harsh words, though I knew he was only frustrated and not really mad. “Alright, just let me get changed”, I relented. It wasn’t even like I disliked their plan, I really liked spending our free time with the group, as well as I liked that specific café. What I liked even more was the snow that had gathered over the last few days, so it was only natural for my best friend to be confused by me disapproving of their plan. Usually, I’d be the first to put on my boots and then wait impatiently for the rest to finish, but an incident yesterday made me think about it differently. However, with Chan pressuring me and my members already waiting in their coats by the door, I forced myself into warmer clothes as well before joining the others, apologizing for making them way.

Upon stepping out of the building, I was immediately hit by bright sunlight. My nose twitched and I squeezed my eyes shut. " h-hESSH! hEGSHU!"- “Woah, couldn’t have warned me? I almost had a heart attack”, Hyunjin, who had been walking next to me gasped, dramatically placing a hand on his chest. Instead of answering, I held up one finger. "hGSHHU! Ugh sorry", I sniffed, bringing my gloved hand up to rub at my nose. “It’s ok. By the way, bless you”, the dancer giggled and I couldn’t help but smile back. That was a bad mistake, since in order to look at the taller’s face, I had to lift my head. Once the sunlight hit my eyes, I quickly looked back down but the damage was done and no matter how much I scrunched up my nose, the tickle wouldn’t back down. "hESH! heksHU!", I sneezed, cupping my gloves over my mouth. With my sneezes being rather forceful, I soon had the attention of the entire group and truthfully, I just wanted to sink into the ground, feeling incredibly awkward. “You good, mate?”, Chan frowned, slowing his pace, so that he was walking beside me. He let the maknae’s lead us towards the café that was only another two blocks away and rested his hand on my shoulder. “I’m fine, hyung. Don’t worry”, I chuckled. Our leader really was on the protective side. Having learned from my earlier mistake, I didn’t look up though and instead kept my eyes cast to the ground. Sadly, I soon came to realize that that wasn’t much better. No matter where I looked, the snow kept reflecting the sun, making it shine in my eyes and making my nose tickle unbearably.

“hhESCHuuh! *sniff* sorry” – “That doesn’t sound fine, mate”, Chan hummed sympathetically, “You’re sick, right? That’s why you didn’t want to come.” Hyunjin, who was walking on my other side, nodded along with Chan and handed me a tissue from a small travel pack he always carried in his pocket. “No really, I’m alright”, I repeated, dabbing at my nose. Awesome, I was already starting to get congested from all the sneezing. They didn’t seem to convinced but let it slide, especially when I sneezed less frequently for the rest of the way. Though that was only because I had hooked my arms with theirs, keeping my eyes closed as much as possible.

 Hyunjin’s POV.:

Felix had already seemed off today when he had initially turned us down, not wanting to leave the dorm. As soon as he started sneezing, the pieces clicked in my head and I felt sorry for my dongsaeng. He was obviously sick and would probably much rather be in bed than out here in the snow. When he hooked our arms, I didn’t comment on it, guiding him the rest of the way. He must be really tired, judging by the way his eyes kept closing. I glanced over at Chan, who gnawed on his bottom lip, looking guilty because it was him who guilt-tripped Felix into going out. We were walking a bit behind the rest and were the last to enter the café. The others had already gotten us a table, waiting so that we could place our orders together. I sat down, pulling Felix into the seat next to me.  “I’ll have a caramel-latte please and he’ll have some hot chocolate”, I smiled pointing at Felix, who sent me a death glare: “I wanted a caramel-latte too.” – “Sorry, no caffeine for sickies”, I giggled. We were all settled around the table waiting for our drinks, and I could see Chan watching his fellow Aussie closely. Felix seemed to notice too because he soon spoke up: “Seriously guys, I’m fine. Now could you stop looking at me like that? It’s creepy. Plus, Hyunjin, I still haven’t forgiven you for not letting me have coffee.” Chan sighed and looked away but now Felix had everyone’s attention. The other members who hadn’t witnessed the boy’s earlier struggle were eyeing him confused. “Is hyung sick?”, the maknae asked shyly. To which the said hyung answered: “No Innie, like I just said, I’m perfectly fine. Chan and Hyunjin just think I am and don’t believe me telling them otherwise.”

There was a long silence till Chan stood up: “You know, it’s easy to find out the truth. Your cheeks are all flushed. I’m pretty sure you have a fever, so let me feel your temperature and if you don’t have a fever then fine, I’ll believe you but if you do, you’ll drop the act.” The younger Aussie smiled triumphantly nodding. “I know for a fact that I do not have a fever. My face is flushed because it’s freaking cold outside, so go ahead. You’ll see I’m speaking the truth”, Felix urged, sounding all too eager to prove his hyung wrong. The leader made his way around the table, rolling his eyes. Standing in front of the younger, he gently brushed away the other’s hair and rested his palm on the now exposed forehead. “Yeah, I see. Felix drop the act, you do have a fever”, Chan frowned, moving the hair back in place and sitting back down when a waiter approached with their drinks. Felix himself was completely stunned and could only gape at his friend. It took a few minutes and a nudge from Hyunjin to shake him out of his stupor, making him yell: “Yah, hyung, your hands were just cold because you refused to wear gloves. I am perfectly fine!” – “Felix, we had agreed, you’d drop the act. Besides, stop yelling there are other people here”, the leader said sternly. Defeatedly, Felix sank back into his chair and I wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders. “No, Hyunjin”, he frowned, shrugging my arm off, “you’re just as much of a traitor, although the cocoa isn’t even that bad.”

Felix remained silent for the remaining time we spent there, mainly just listening to the others bickering while he sipped his cocoa, not joining like he usually would. I couldn’t tell whether that was because he was angry or because he was feeling to ill to. Surprisingly, he hadn’t sneezed a single time since we entered the café and the congestion that was evident in his voice earlier was slowly fading too. Way too soon we were preparing to go back home. I had had a great time but agreed with the others who wanted to get Felix home and in bed soon. Not without the Aussie’s objection though. It almost seemed like he dreaded going outside in general. Not wanting to leave the dorm, not wanting to leave the café. He made sure to keep some distance from Chan and I, obviously still holding a grudge as he walked next to Changbin. We didn’t make it that far though before things turned bad again. "hGSHHU!  H-h hESH!” – “Oh, bless you, Lixxie”, the rapper smiled, linking their arms, when the younger stumbled a bit before sneezing again. I tried to listen in on their conversation but Changbin didn’t comment on Felix struggle, afraid to piss him off too. Felix seemed to have troubles walking straight and I only learned later that it was because he closed his eyes.

We almost made it to the dorm, when Felix was forced to look up again. He froze in his spot, before being thrown into a harsh sneezing fit. With every sneeze, the poor boy bent over further, stumbling and relying on Changbin to steady him. The poor Aussie barely got a chance to breathe and only managed to gasp out a weak ‘dizzy’ before his hyung scooped him up. Picking up his pace, Changbin hurried towards the dorm with Felix in his arms. The younger was still sneezing desperately into his sleeve, shuddering with the effort. Chan jogged ahead of them to open the door and let everyone in. As soon as they entered the building, the spell seemed to dissolve and Felix buried his face in the older’s neck, fighting to catch his breath. “Oh god. Everything’s spinnin’”, he breathed, slurring his words a bit. Changbin squeezed him reassuringly, following Chan up and into their apartment where he kicked off his shoes and sat down on the couch with the younger boy still in his arms. Chan carefully removed Felix’ shoes, the younger seeming completely drained, laying exhaustedly against Changbin’s chest.

When everyone had taken off their coats and boots, they filed into the living room, scared after they had watched the rapper storm off carrying Felix. “Still so insistent that you’re fine?”, the leader softly, carding his fingers through the younger’s hair. To everyone’s surprise Felix nodded. “Gimme a minute, I’ll explain”, he sighed, cuddling into Changbin till he found the strength to stand steadily by himself. The young Aussie went to his room, retrieving a bright selfie-ringlight and playing around with it as he sat down next to Chan. “So, first of all, I need you guys to know that I’m really not sick”, he explained, sounding a bit weak still, “there’s this thing called photic sneeze reflex which is very strong for me.” – “What does this mean, hyung”, Seungmin asked confused. Without any warning, Felix held up his ringlight, turning it on. It shone right into the leader’s unexpecting eyes, who gasped at the experience: “Lix st-hop, h- hah’AKCHHuu!” – “Exactly”, the younger chuckled, turning the light back off, “Basically, every time a strong light, especially the sun, shines into my eyes, it makes me sneeze. I only realized yesterday on the way back from my vocal lessons that it’s a lot worse with the snow reflecting it everywhere. That’s why I kind of dreaded going out today, I knew I wouldn’t stop sneezing as long as I was outside. Channie-hyung, your hands were really just cold earlier. I don’t have a fever.”

The leader had recovered from his shock and wrapped his arms around his soulmate: “Sorry for not believing you, Lixxie. And sorry for dragging you out when you had a clear reason why you didn’t want to go.” – “It’s fine, hyung. I wanted to have fun with everyone else and it wasn’t too bad, although I would really have preferred a caramel-latte”, Felix laughed and I scratched my neck awkwardly: “Sorry.” – “It’s fine, Jinnie. Sorry, I would have told you earlier so you guys wouldn’t worry but I found it kinda embarrassing.” Minho and Jisung only laughed at this statement. “It’s not embarrassing but really funny because it seems to work on anyone or at least you and Chan-hyung, how did the two of you survive in Australia?”, Minho smiled. Jisung started to giggle: “Hyung, you’re obviously thinking what I am thinking. We have ringlights too.”

Please read: After being on vacation for a while, where I had the time to write a lot, I’m now going back to studying and working a full time job. I’m sorry, I won’t be able to upload as frequently because I’ll be a lot more busy. I’d appreciate requests, although I can’t promise I’ll write all of them or in the same order that they come in. It’s easier to just write a paragraph whenever there’s a small amount of time till there’s an entire fic when you don’t also have to come up with a scenario. 

Please stay safe and healthy! <3

[virgatowhipped]

I think that the takeover‘s are going to happen as long as they’re in the studio because I also feel like they’re more proud of the work that they’re putting out now versus in the past I mean definitely from the first album because that was practically handed to them they just recorded the vocals but I feel like now they’re fully making the music that they want to make and I feel like all of them can now have more creative control because they can say OK what is for this song we put some sexual stuff in it it doesn’t have to be super explicit but I feel like now they’re proud of the work that they’re making because this is what they wanted to make because when Joel was in the band he kind of restricted a lot of things like do you really think that he could’ve done the sleepover interview or those questions in the 24 hour challenge absolutely not there is no way he would’ve been answering questions like do you eat ass and it’s the weather the boys were kind of like taken by those questions because for so long they’ve been so used to everything being PG-13 but now I feel because jewelers in here they’re allowed to do more mature things and that’s probably why they’re more allergenic because they probably didn’t wanna answer the same questions in every interview they probably loved being able to answer shit like when they lost their virginity I mean maybe not that exact question but the fact that they’re being treated the way that other Latin artists are being treated or the way that they’re being perceived because boy bands are always looked at as boy bands it took years for people to actually listen to Aventura because people were like oh it’s a boy band and then everybody has their things against boy band it took years and now everybody knows someone who listens to Aventura or they listen to Aventura so I think that right now they just have to reinvent themselves and they’re the kind of guys that listen to the sexual music and they definitely do the sexual stuff so I feel like at this point it’s very promising that they’re going to start doing more things

Okay, I get what you're saying, but I've gotta put an end to this popular assumption that Joel limited them to being PG-13. Yes, he was the "church boy" for the longest time, but he was forced into that role by the fandom. And everyone has seen how he has made drastic changes to his image in the past year because he's tired of being seen as that innocent 16-17 year old kid. He was the one who wrote the "en la cama es otra cosa" line in Honey Boo. And in La Culpa he literally says "I remember when you were mine, you liked it against the wall, the world didn't matter, I just explored your skin" (obviously translated from Spanish). Joel is an adult now, just like the rest of the boys. And I hope that Joyce eventually gets to do an adult interview with him like the one she did with CNCO. She even commented on one of his recent Instagram posts so I am crossing my fingers.

Tbh though, I feel like CNCO overcame that boyband stigma pretty early on in their careers, where I don't think it was considered weird for guys and just older adults to like their music. Their music is pretty different from your typical boyband. It's not very bubblegum pop and their songs have had pretty mature undertones since at least their second album. I think it has just always been their management that has been failing them. They should have never had a drop in popularity, especially when their music has just gotten better and better over the years