#like... I've never. NEVER. had a problem finding hobbies/things to do that bring me a crazy amount of joy

[my-great-big-book-of-fan-fiction]

L Lawliet X F!Reader Smut Oneshot

VERY SMUTTY SMUT, 18+

FINALLY finished! This was so fun to write, but I've been so distracted recently that I haven't been able to work on any of my hobbies. I apologize for going AWOL for like, what, a month? Anyway, hopefully finishing this will be the start of bringing writing back in my life. Enjoy, L fans, and let me know if you have ideas for more!

Warnings/contents: Oral (reader recieving), PinV, cowgirl, happy trail, slight amounts of biting, and a very tired man

L has been working far too much, and it's showing. Not only has he not been leaving the CTV screens, he's stopped sleeping all together. Not even at his seat. For someone so smart, you'd think he'd know to take better care of himself.

Well, tonight, he's finally returned to your shared bedroom, only to retrieve some important flash drive. You were laying upside down on the bed, your legs propped up on the headboard and your hands busy with a rather riveting game of snake.

As soon as you heard him walk in, you perked up, flipping around and watching him with intent, your phone playing a sad little song at your loss of the now irrelevant game. "Hey! are you done working?"

He had his hands in his pockets, his steps light but slow as he felt weighed down by his lack of energy. "I'm never done working," he answered simply, walking to the nightstand and crouching down in front of it.

He opened a drawer, which contained a safe. He typed in the 12 digit code, opening it and finding a few small files and three flash drives...none of which were the right one. "I put it right here...did you take the red drive from this safe," he asked with slightly narrowed eyes, turning to the left to face you.

"No...is something missing?"

He examined you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, taking in everything about you. This was the problem, he could never tell if you were lying. Whether it was that he was so infatuated with you he couldn't imagine you lying to him, or if you were simply that good, It was frustratingly inconvenient. Perhaps you simply never lied...that was the delirium from not sleeping speaking, most definitely.

"Are you lying," he asked simply.

"No, unfortunately. I wish I had it...I can help you look," you say sweetly.

"I will find it myself...thank you," he nodded, throwing the polite thanks on the end.

"If you say so," you say in obvious skepticism.

He stands back up, looking down at you as you laid back once more. "Do you doubt my ability," he asked challengingly.

"Well...no...It's just..." you look back up at his big, tired eyes, his face discreetly shifting back and forth between curiosity and annoyance.

You look back to your phone. "You've been so tired, you're running on fumes...I just don't think you're in the right place to be effectively searching for and finding things...or, remembering where you put things...or...doing detective work..."

Silence.

You slowly look back up at him, already wincing at how he must look. When your eyes met his, he just seemed...surprised?

"Do you really think my lack of sleep is affecting my efficiency in a palpable way?" He seemed to be considering the notion.

"I do. Very much so."

"Well...I don't have time to sleep," he mused lowly.

you could work with this. "Would you at least shower? It could help you relax, get your mind off things. It'd only take, like, what, 20 minutes?"

He thought about this.

"I suppose it may assist me in 'getting my mind off things'," he sighed. "Fine. But I'd like you to look for that flash drive while I'm gone," he said firmly. Even without the team around, he still acted like he was your boss. You looked up at him with raised brows.

"...please." This energy deficit was making it harder to engage in social conventions, it took a level of consciousness he did not have currently. Another reason he needed sleep.

"Sure," you said with a smile, sitting up. "Go on, go shower, I'll start looking right now," you assured, standing and guiding him to the bathroom. He walked on his own, shutting the door behind him.

You sighed, turning to face the room, scanning it, your brow furrowed. Then, the water turned on. You glanced to the door. You could hear the rhythm of the raining droplets interrupted by him getting in.

With a deep breath, you relax, walking to the nightstand and opening it back up. You typed in the code to the safe, It was a seemingly randomized combination of the numbers within you and Watari's respective birthdays.

Reaching into your bra, you pulled out the flash drive, placing it atop everything else. You'd have to confess and apologize later, for tricking him. You really just needed a reason to get him away from his computer.

With a satisfied huff, you laid back down, continued your game of snake, and waited for him to get out.

fifteen minutes later, the bathroom door gently pushed open, and out L walked, seeming slightly better. he had a towel wrapped loosely around his hips, a slight and sparse amount of black hair barely visible above the pristine white of the fabric. Another towel was slung around his shoulders, catching the water dripping from his spiked black hair.

perfection.

You sat on the edge of the bed, smiling happily at him. "Hey, how do you feel? Better? About the flash-"

"I'd like to have sex."

Your mouth hung open for a moment, the suddenness shocking you. You supposed it was because he was lacked so much energy before, because him being so direct wasn't rare in the slightest. Meanwhile, he simply stared at you, waiting for a proper response.

"Right...right now?"

"Do you have any other plans?"

"Well, no," you say, laughing a little. "I thought you were tired. You should be tired."

"I am tired, but I've come to the conclusion that sex with you would be beneficial, more so than the shower, and more time efficient than proper rest."

You just laughed even more, giggling at his frankness. "Sure, yeah...so, I'm assuming you'll want to get straight to things? make it quick?" Nothing was unexpected with him, that was for sure.

"Well...not without foreplay. I'm not completely helpless," he muttered, his brows furrowing slightly at the insinuation he wouldn't. He could tell that's what you were thinking.

"Is that so? Here I was, thinking you'd leave me high and dry," you tease.

He took a step closer, before putting his foot up and onto the bed next to you and leaning over you. His hands were at his hips, the natural placement for him after so much time putting them in his pockets. "Do you think that lowly of me," he asked softly. His eyes were half lidded, staring deep into yours as if he were reading your soul, and his lips were parted, slowly taking in air, his breath warm against your face, so impossibly close to you.

Your skin was warming, blood rushing to your cheeks and nose as you take in the sight before you. Then, you smile, bringing your hands to cup his face. "You're trying too hard," you taunt, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. He closed his eyes, and when you pull away he leans in farther for a beat, as if he's trying to chase you. His serious expression disappears, and he sits up just a little more. "Am I," he asked, genuinely, cocking his head a little in curiosity.

He just makes you giggle, he's so funny without even realizing. "Yes," you laugh jokingly, nodding for a moment before you calm down. Then you lean in a little more, glancing down at the foot propped up on the bed, and quietly say, "No. It's nice, fun...but, I'd rather you just be yourself." You tilt your head up, your lips brushing against his, before you give him a true kiss.

He closes his eyes, a shiver running up his spine, and when your mouth opens to slide your tongue across his bottom lip, he gladly opens his own. Your hands stay to the sides of his face, and his eventually make their way to your shoulders. You stop for a moment, scooting backward. Without even thinking, he sits completely on the bed, just to follow your lips, and as a reward you waste no time kissing him again.

You stay like that for a while, making out while he sort of straddles your legs in his usual crouch, until he moves past your mouth and to your jaw. It surprises you for a moment, but you quickly adjust, your hand moving to his damp hair to steady yourself.

He leaves wet, meaningful kisses up your jawline, his hand sliding up to your neck to hold you in place. "Did you know," he starts, planting a kiss to the spot where your ear meets your jaw. "That the ear is one of the most sensitive parts of the body," he finishes, kissing at the shell of your ear and sucking on your lobe for a moment. He wasn't even trying to be overly sexy, at least not in his words, you could tell he simply said it because your ear made him think of it, but the candidness of this moment that was so L made you melt...especially because of his soft, low voice.

"Is that so," you ask, your voice wavering a little.

you could feel his smile against the skin of your ear as he left another impassioned kiss to the shell. "It appears it is," he hummed, his voice dropping ever so slightly. Maybe he was trying.

You could do nothing but let out a nervous giggle, your back arching upward until your chest met his. You turned your head, your ear no longer accessible to him, and planted a kiss to the side of his neck. You could feel him stiffen, his breath catching in his throat. You kissed him again, this time slowly, and his hand moved to be in your hair, the other planted firmly on the top of your hip to steady himself.

You take the moment to remove the towel around his waist, glancing down to see just what you were working with...and there he was.

He was fully erect, around 6 inches, the pale pink tip beading with pre. Perfect. You almost reached out to touch him, to please him, but...

Finally, and rather suddenly, he mutters, "Sit back....please."

You don't argue, you just...do. You sit back from him. You could have kept going, just to tease him, but just in case he was overwhelmed, you sat back.

He wasn't overwhelmed, to your delight, and you knew because he leaned forward and brings his lips to your clavicle, placing a gentle but impassioned kiss there. He hears your breath catch, and as he looks up at you with his usual moon-eyed stare, he catches the way your nostrils flare, and your lips part. "You are aroused," he states softly, his hands running up your sides and under your shirt.

"I am," you titter, his cool hands sending a shiver up your spine as you watch him intently.

"If you take your shirt off, I may be able to assist you," he hums sarcastically, a slight, gentle smile across his face.

You roll your eyes, a big smile on your face as you remove your shirt, setting it aside. You take your bra off too, and your pants for good measure. The only thing left on you is your underwear, something that, as he trails feather light kisses down the valley of your breast and the center of your abdomen, he carefully removes with his thumbs and index fingers. By now, he's on his knees and bent forward completely, his hands holding your legs apart as he brings himself to be face to face with your aching folds.

he gazes up at you, not in question but in curiosity, almost a way to tease you. do you want this? how badly? you really want this, don't you?

He slowly licks his lips as his eyes flick back down to what was before him. He sticks his tongue out, giving a long, tentative lap up from your entrance to your clitoris. as his tongue slides up your clit, beneath the hood, your hips buck, just enough to let him know you're excited. With that, his lips lock onto it, his eyes half lidded as he lavishly sucks and laps, soft groans reverberating through you ever so gently as he pleasures you.

He always seems to enjoy this as much as you do, and with each moan you release, he responds to you with a particularly angled prod of his tongue, or a vibrating groan in return, rewarding the crescendo of your sounds.

Your hand finds its way to his hair, nestling in the soft black stands and gently pulling at the base. At the feeling, he releases a breath he seemed to have been holding, the air fanning against the skin of your thighs and lower abdomen. The sturdy grip he has on your hips tightens a little, and as your hips stutter with the eventual arrival of your orgasm, he looks back up at you, his eyes peering, examining, daring you to look anywhere but at him. You can't help but to stare back.

With one final lap of his tongue, you finish, back arching, head tossing back, your voice ringing through the room in what he can only describe as the song of the angels. He helps you through, gently sucking on your clit, and when you finally come down from it, he pulls away, licking the fluid from his chin and upper lip. It was sort of endearing, watching him do something that looked so...stupid, to put it bluntly.

You laugh despite your panting, smiling as he sits back with his knees rather relaxed compared to usual, not to his chest, although arched halfway there. "you were...considerably louder than usual. has it been a long time since you've experienced an orgasm?"

you almost wanted to chide him for asking a question that had such an obvious answer, but you supposed it was good he didn't negate the fact that you could self pleasure. "Nope. I guess you could say I've been saving myself for you," you sigh teasingly, crawling closer, over his legs, bringing your face and hips above his, respectively.

He instinctively takes your hips, looking up at you with a thoughtful expression. "Why would you do something like that," he asked disdainfully.

You laugh a little. "Does it matter?"

He pauses, looking to your hips. "I suppose not. It makes no difference to me," he muses.

You smile down at him with endearment, your hands sliding to his shoulders. No time to waste.

You lower yourself down his vehemently leaking cock, his grip tightening around you as you push yourself past his tip.

he leaned forward, his knees coming up, your body now between his chest and his legs as your hips met his. he wasn't especially girthy, but his length more than made up for it. You take in a breath, steadying on his shoulders, and slowly slide upward.

He watches with a sort of aroused fascination as you begin to ride him, his eyes not leaving the sight of your body taking his dick in and out, watching and feeling every twitch, listening to every sound, the variations, the angles, everything perceived. You wouldn't think he was enjoying himself all too much, given the fact he was only releasing tempered pants and the occasional hum, but it was his attention that gave it away. Nothing besides his work, and now you, has captured his attention so quickly and so intensely.

If he weren't so tired and in need of a proverbial "quickie," he'd have you in as many different positions as possible. He has a need to see every facet of you, to know how you look and feel and sound in every angle and situation...but, for now, the usual cowgirl will do. And it does, it does rather nicely.

He only looks up at your face when he takes notice of your own noises, growing in volume and desperation. Of course, when he looks up, he can really only see your tits, bouncing away, and he really has no choice but to lavishly suck on your nipple. a formality, truly. The sounds and expressions that elicits is simply heavenly.

He grips your hips tighter, and as the air from his nose fans across your chest, he thrusts himself up. You cry out, his tip unexpectedly hitting your cervix, and all you can do now is shift back and forth as he thrusts up, peer into his large observant eyes as he tongues your breast and uses your body as he wishes. The sight, the feeling, the sounds, it was all too much for you. You moan louder and louder, signaling an orgasm, and the moment his tip pounds a particular spot, you're done. Your hips buckle, your body shakes, and best of all for him, your walls constrict.

in mere moments after you, he begins to truly moan, his cheeks flushing as his orgasm grows closer. After one particularly fast and hard jerk of his hips, he's calling out your name, his teeth pressing into your chest as his lashes flutter, his cum releasing within you in quick spurts, riding the wave as your hips roll against his.

He said this would be quick, a way to relax while staying time efficient, but fortunately he was too tired to take his own tiredness into account. He fell completely asleep beside you, his head pressed into your chest and his legs pressed to your torso as you stroked his hair. He'd sleep for the next 14 hours, and while you got up to pick up the slack at work, get something to eat, or use the restroom, you always returned to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Extra!-

you sit, resting your weight on your elbow, while he sleeps curled beside you. As you idly play with his hair...guilt strikes.

"L? Honey? You awake?"

Silence.

"I have to tell you-" you whisper- "I hid the flashdrive. I'm sorry. You just needed rest and um...yeah. that's it...so there."

You sigh. That felt nice, no consequences, just relief.

"...where did you hide it?"

You jump, and look down at him. His eyes were open, and staring at your side. "Oh, shit," you laugh, pressing a hand to your chest. "You scared me!"

He slowly sits up on his arm, just as you, and the very first thing he does is grab your waist to carefully tug you closer. "And you hid the flashdrive. Where?"

You bring your hand back to his hair, and he rests his face to your collarbone. "My tits. Where else?"

He lets out a puff of air through his nose, and presses a gentle kiss to your skin. "I suppose I can forgive it...though...I'm regretting allowing you to do the search."

"Immature," you tease.

"Lustful," he corrects.

You look down at him, and his thumb slides back and forth against your rib. "We have time to-"

"I'm afraid not." He sits all the way up, scratches his head, and slides out of bed.

"Awww, come on," you whine, watching as he shuffles to the door. "Where do I have to hide the next flashdrive to make you stay?"

He pauses, glances back, and locks his dark, sleepy eyes on yours for several seconds.

"I...suppose I have a few moments to spare."

I genuinely looked like coraline's dad writing this. I had fun, but wow was I lethargic. I'd like to do this again though, hopefully when I'm feeling more determined!

Taglist: @cheekyweekymouse

[rotting-ink]

I think I've played every prologue for all three of the games at least a dozen times through each but since OLL was the recent release, I have to scream about how much I love it. I'm sorry that this is so long, just ignore me if it gets too boring.

OLL was spectacular, I felt so immersed the whole time. The way you describe the scenery alone is magnificent. The attention to detail is incredible, I went through the hobby section obsessively just to get every possible answer. I adore the depth and nuance that you give to every character, including the MCs. I love them both so much.

We have Royal MC being a sheltered lamb between their illness and their upbringing but you did in such a way that it felt like a subtle background that can be woven in with however you choose to customise them from the prologue onwards in their character or decision making. It's great that you know they aren't this way out of spite but because they have been deliberately kept ignorant and you might be able to change that if you want to. They haven't tried to grow and broaden their horizons much of their own volition but they've never been encouraged to try or given reason to either.

You can assume that Royal MC forgot about their little Servant MC friend who saved them because they're too self-absorbed to think about them outside of how lonely they get, you can equally assume it's due to their illness and that they put it down to the amount of people allowed around them was restricted because of how fragile their health became (hence why they were eventually sent off to that resort which was well-guarded and with a specific clientele) or someone just made up a little story about Servant MC having to leave to placate Royal MC when they noticed their playmate never came back and they were told to try not to think about it, just like every other thing in their life that might emotionally unbalance them and risk their health.

Then all those years later, it's not too surprising that Royal MC only thinks about them vaguely like any other childhood memory. I imagine it wouldn't be too different on the Servant MC's end since they have a 100 things to do in a day and 99 problems accompanying (Arkasha sounds needy enough to occupy a large source of energy regardless on how Servant MC sees them) and don't really have the time or energy to think about the little Royal they used to look after and saved with their magic, however much that altered the trajectory of both their lives.

Servant MC in the same boat, as far as being ultimately powerless to control their life, but I love how you bring attention to their less privileged status without us having to tell them from something as simple as their hair even before they're being hauled in front of the spymaster in the prologue or that punishing walk back to the castle after the funeral later on.

I find it fascinating in how both of them are so utterly powerless. They've had their lives defined by forces stronger than them for as long as they've lived. Even Royal MC, with all their privilege and protection, can't simply do as they please even if that's something so simple as their first kiss, and they too have had their life ruled by the Tsarina and their illness. It was so gut-wrenching when they were forced apart - it felt like one of those clichés on separating twins, they're soulmates! I need a route where they can reunite, it's just too sad to think they'll be haunting one another in the narrative.

The Tsarina is superb. Truly, she encapsulates everything you can imagine a ruler to be. A woman full of contradictions, prejudices, hypocrisies, secrets, love and hatred and quite the work ethic. The contrast to how she behaves around her children and around servant MC fleshes her out as a person and we don't even have a POV from her. How I can see they way she can be a bystander/ally/antagonist in your route just from the prologue alone while not feeling like I'm being force-fed about the kind of role she might have in a route based on choices, is sublime.

I've got so many theories on Servant MC and why she hates them so much. I am burning with curiosity. Is the funeral Servant MC was invited to a red herring and the dead man isn't their father? Is the Tsarina pissy because her sister had her husband's illegitimate child or did her Sis have a lover on the side and still have an affair with Tatsiana's husband anyway. Was Sis planning to legitimise her baby and that would have somehow been a threat/insult to the Tsarina and her family? Some old, irrational fear about her children being supplanted or endangered by her nibling? Does it simply come down to an old inferiority complex and pride, that her sister, the favoured and talented magic user managed to produce a child with strong magic potential and said child used it to save their helpless cousin who was born without magic? Some posthumous victory over her? That even after disposing of her sister and husband, Tatsiana has her own ghosts haunting her narrative? What are you hiding?! Oh, and I really need to know, what the sister's name was. Surely that's not a spoiler? (I can't tell if the DAO elements are really there or if I've just been binging it too much)

The Tsarina was one of the highlights but I was positively bouncing at the RO POVs (RIP post boy, I hope you at least got a reach around to go with the knot before the end.). I am so torn now about whether I want Dasha's love or to be the bestie. But I am all there for seeing what they're like on Servant MC route, having to see and interact with someone that is essentially living how they fear might become of them at the Royal Court if they don't please the right people; MC is from nothing but like them, has magic. This should have uplifted them, but they are still treated like dirt because the Tsarina, and by proxy everyone else at court, refused to accept this and Servant MC actually ends up more downtrodden because of it. I don't imagine finding out that Servant MC is a bastard royal would do anything to calm them down. On a lesser note, I want to pet and cuddle Sabnock but I also want to keep my extremities intact, it's a struggle.

Sasha looking balanced and cool but you can definitely see the hints of obsession than can develop just from knowing they researched their special incest interest. Given that you said Sasha would get unstable after Royal MC's disappearance, latch on to Servant MC as a substitute and get protective over them, I would love to spectate the dumpster fire of Sasha developing class consciousness when they realise the kind of life Servant MC is living and that Mama would rather have Servant MC thrown from a window than be allowed to live the good life as Sasha's kept lover. The drama!

Even the little glimpses where we don't get a POV or just a brief view like Spymaster Rune were so intriguing. I did love the Spymaster cameo and can't wait to see what role they have on each route and I am in awe that you managed to give the Aide so much character without once having them speak. The Aide is super cute with the Royal MC. Treats them like a little pet and gets sour and puts angrily under the mask when they pay more attention to other people. Methinks they've grown more attached than they'd ever admit. BTW, I have to know, is the Aide our Servant MC's ex/former hookup? Like, can that be a thing with them?

How would life with Pasha actually work? They wouldn't want to bring either MC with them to the frontlines with his regiment so what's the plan there when he has to return?

The breakfast scene was adorable and informative, you glean so much about the family and their dynamics just from watching them all interact in that scene. How Stas' girls are treated feels especially poignant when you have the comparison to Servant MC (and to a lesser extent, the Mad Heir). You've spun such an intricate web and it leaves me in awe.

Bottom line, I think you're amazing, I adore your work and I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.

Fun fact, this message was too long to send in discord. I had to send it in three parts to show the ducks. And I'm a schmuck that pays for Nitro.

This was so fuckin cool to read, holy hell. The amount of times I love to be as subtle as possible, I always pull back and wonder if it goes into just... Not even leaving a mark, like too quiet? And then I have insane people coming into my askbox and pointing out all the things they've noticed!!! And, yeah, I go fucking insane. This was so excellent, I love this so so so much.

I hate outright stating an MC is THIS- when you can have a different outlook. I don't ever want to say the Royal is ignorant because they don't care, because they could! Or they're ignorant because they haven't been given a chance, because what if you want to play a little asshole that doesn't care? What if you only want them to get the class conscious arc when with Arkasha or Pavel or The Aide? Or fuck that, and you skip through life with Sasha!

Again, with the Servant MC- I don't think i'll ever cover why they slide to a hazy memory. Perhaps just the natural progression of childhood? Do they even remember that horrible day they nearly choked on their own lung? Perhaps the Servant didn't matter that much. A friend you liked but when they left your sight, that was it? Or maybe they did wail for their friend, even when the Tsarina said they weren't allowed near anymore.

I genuinely hate any media that has a character outright bemoan their place in life. Esp when it's ingrained into society. Like why are you wasting time letting them whine about their state in life when you can do something better? Quietly infer while also showing they're used to it. The best characters I like to see are the ones who have gotten used to their shit ass life, but still fighting to do more, try to have a better time by JUST A SMIDGE. It's like the Irene Adler story from the Sherlock Holmes books. She isn't bemoaning the state of women in Victorian times- Instead she fucking gets to business. She one ups Sherlock, then runs off to marry for love. For love. FOR LOVE. Girl, you had a love affair with a king, have blackmail on that loser, and used it to be happier, rather than being used and left powerless. Genuinely, an insane ick for me is shit ass writing that forgoes everything just to have some person whine out loud. Like shut up. Do something.

Also, I do love the Tsarina. I don't think we're ever going to get a POV from her, or at least an indepth POV. Just something seen from her eyes. I want people to see what they want to see, an unrepentant villain, or just a deeply hurt woman willing to do anything for her own children. Keep in mind, if you pick adopted, she still counts you as her child. She loves the Royal so much, in a way, even adopted, she couldn't extend to her nibling. At all. And it's not because one time her sister didn't share her doll or something.

Also can't wait to get started on the Servant Route of the demo. I promise things are going to get disgustingly fucky on that side of things. The sudden dad-funeral is on purpose, I promise. There's going to be more time spent on that, because what? You just learned the Servant is the nibling of the Tsarina, a bastard, and bam, funeral time? DW, many thoughts are going to be about that. That shit AINT the last of it.

BUT YES! The plan is, that you can pick how you view the aide. A titan of terror, a former lover when you both were young (they're the same age, or I think the Aide is a year older), a replacement for them that they can feel good or bad about. You can't not have an opinion of the Royal's guard.

Also not to spoil, but Pavel keeps his own modest home, so would rather the MC stay there, instead of being at the front lines. MORE ON THAT ON THE 9 O CLOCK NEWS.

I'm glad that was caught. So much. Now to feel a lot about Stas' daughters and their acceptance into the family.

ANYWAY, NO YOU'RE AMAZING, AND THIS WAS THE BEST ASK EVER, I JUST COULDN'T STOP SMILING THROUGHOUT IT ALL, IT MADE ME SO HAPPY, I LOVE LONG ASKS LIKE THIS!!!

[thezombieprostitute]

Music in the Air

A/N: Written for Vee's Holly Jolly Challenge (@sstan-hoe). Reader is implied fem, "girls like me". No physical descriptors used.

Prompts: Bucky Barnes - My house, my rules. The Christmas music stays on.

Summary: You and Bucky discuss poinsettias.

Bucky's arm was having problems. Again. In all the years he had the arm he never really got to understand how it worked. He could figure out how to fix a lot of things, but his arm wasn't one of them. That's why he was glad he had you to turn to. You had quickly become his go-to engineer in the Avengers Tower. You were a rare and delightful combination of "not afraid of him" and "not overly friendly". You would smile, but let him initiate the conversation when he wanted.

At least, normally you were his favorite. Ever since December started you only every played Christmas music in your lab. He was still trying to get used to how much the holiday had changed and the music was, well, a lot. Especially when you were always listening to some kind of heavy metal Christmas music and he had only ever heard Christmas music sung a capella or maybe a church organ.

"Do you really need to listen to that music all the time?"

You smiled while working, "I did the respectful thing and waited until December before I started listening."

"Yeah, but it's just so..." he struggled to find the words.

"Non-traditional?"

"Jarring."

"Well, Sergeant Barnes," you reply, setting your tools down, "My house, my rules. The Christmas music stays on. However, I am willing to switch it for something that's maybe a little more your speed."

You walk over to your laptop and open up your playlist. It takes you a minute, but you finally find the song you're looking for and press the play button. As the speakers sing a lighter, slower tune, you turn back to Bucky, "you should be grateful. I don't turn off Trans Siberian Orchestra for just anyone."

Bucky blushed as he smiled, listening to the song. It was very different from what you had been listening to. For a start, there were lyrics. They told the story of a poinsettia named Percy and how had been overlooked and abandoned but grew and shone when given love. He almost smacked himself for having empathy for an imaginary plant.

To distract himself he said, "I'm surprised you like this song. It's so different from what you were listening to before."

You smile and respond, "it's a childhood favorite. This song just really hit my heart in a way no other Christmas song did. It stuck with me so much that, even in college if I saw my flowers for sale that were wilting or on their last legs, I'd buy them. Just to make sure they had love before they fully wilted."

Bucky looked at you with a softness in his eyes before you shook your head, "I know, it's stupid. I was an adult, I should've known better but some things just stick with you, you know?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "I know. Did you stop buying flowers because you kept getting them from dates or something?"

You chuckle, "I stopped because I had to prioritize my budget. I can't remember the last time I had flowers in my apartment. But thank you for the compliment."

"What do you mean? The guys you date don't give you flowers?"

"Girls like me don't get dates, Sergeant. I'm not whatever enough for guys to ask me out. Whether it's my size, my intelligence, my hobbies, there's just always something that keeps guys from asking me out, let alone bringing me flowers. But, again, thank you for the compliment."

You set down your tools and start putting them away, "your arm is all patched up. Hope this fix lasts you at least through the end of the year. I've got a lot of projects to finish up before the end of the year so I might not have the time to take care of you."

"You're not staying here for Christmas, are you?"

"I am," you nod. "My family celebrates holidays on days that aren't the day of so that we can avoid traffic and last-minute shoppers. So I set up an office lunch for the people who either don't celebrate, have nowhere to go, or whatever other reasons. Mr. Stark has been very generous with the budget for that."

"I'm glad you won't be alone on Christmas," he gives you a gentle smile.

"How about you," you ask. "You're welcome to join us if you'd like."

"Sam is insisting on taking me to Louisiana," he replies.

"Good," you assert. "I'm very glad you also won't be alone on Christmas."

You really shouldn't have been surprised to see the poinsettia on your desk the next day. There was no note, but you suspected. It wasn't very big and it had started wilting, but you loved it nonetheless. You gently hugged the plant and promised to give it the best of care for as long as it needed. After a week it was like a brand new plant, bright and strong. Doesn't hurt that you asked the biolab techs for help and resources.

It made Bucky's year to see how big your smile was, watching your poinsettia grow and how much you clearly loved it. It took him a while after to gather his courage and ask you on a date but your quick "yes" reassured him. Neither of you would ever be alone on Christmas.

[armoreddragon]

how did you first get into making this stuff? do you enjoy it?

There's a lot of possible answers here.

For a couple years after college, I worked at a laser engraving and cutting shop. Leather was a material we knew we could cut, but nobody ever asked for it, so I looked up some basic info and put together some masks as demo pieces. Then I got fired for unrelated reasons, but decided to keep going with the masks on my own. A decade later, I’m still going.

I've always enjoyed making things. The focused calm of working a craft, the challenge of finding the problems that need solving, followed by the satisfaction of holding in your hands something that hadn't exited before. It’s hard to beat that feeling. If you haven’t done it for a while, I highly recommend making a habit of it.

Sometime in college I realized that if I kept making things just for myself, I would eventually run out of both space in my closet and money in my bank account. So I took the best photos I could of what I had, and started posting it up on Etsy.

In high school ceramics class, I had an idea to try and make a flexible dragon skin out of little bits of clay, all glazed differently. I had no idea how to do this. A friend of mine was like "Yo it sounds like you want to look up how to make chainmail for that." She was right.

I work in architecture by day, and the decision to do that was unrelated but definitely related to my crafting obsession. Designing a kitchen, a café, a house, takes months or years of work, most of which is tedious details like picking tile patterns or looking up exactly what order to layer different sealant tapes to make sure the walls are watertight. Designing a crafting project gives me a creative outlet that is immediate. I can sit down for an afternoon and take an idea from a sketch on trace paper, to a final mask formed up out of leather. There's an excitement to that. A reminder that, yes, I can make cool stuff quickly, without needing to sink two years into a project.

For a while I worked to teach myself to draw. I managed to get pretty decent at sketching from life, with a moderate understanding of anatomy and perspective. I liked art, so I thought I wanted to make art. But I struggled with it. If I was drawing something from my imagination, no matter how well I managed to put the lines down on the paper, I would ultimately look at it and just be sad that it didn't exist in the real world. So eventually I gave up on the drawing part, and focused on the part I seemed to actually care about.

I can't envision a version of myself that doesn't make things. I think on some fundamental level, I measure my worth as a person based on what I put forth into the world. I don't know what else to do.

When you decide to turn a hobby into a business, it of course takes some of the delight away. It's no longer something you do when you want to relax and have some fun. It becomes an obligation, to make and ship orders on time, to pack up your stuff and bring it to craft fairs, to track your expenses and file your taxes, to stay on top of the constantly changing social media landscape. But it also lights a fire under your ass. You can't just keep making the same thing you made three years ago–you have to keep making new stuff, keep improving your techniques, keep reaching for new ideas that have never been made before. You lose some of the joy, but you gain a lot of satisfaction.

All through my childhood I filled my closet with little handicrafts kits, that I got as gifts or that caught my eye when following my dad to the art store. Calligraphy, wood carving, weaving looms, boondoggles, spirographs, knitting, crochet, fancy nautical knots, sculpey, and more that I can't remember. After all those different things, I’m so glad that I found a couple specific crafts that really grabbed me, that take enough work to develop expertise, that have expansive enough applications and possibilities, that I could devote a decade or more of my time to focusing on them.

I’d been interested in the furry fandom ever since little fantasy reading teenager me tried looking for stories where the dragons were the main characters, and I found people online who were doing just that. There’s a powerful do-it-yourself attitude that’s baked into the core of the fandom: The world isn’t giving us the art that we want, so we’re going to make it ourselves. I keep having ideas for things that I want, that don’t exist yet. If I want them to exist, I have to be the one to make them.

My dad was a photographer, and I spent many childhood afternoons with him in his darkroom in the basement, delightedly washing negatives, turning them gently over in their canisters of chemicals, sitting still in the dark as Dad unspooled the sensitive film, squinting in the red light as the projected images magically re-emerged on the clean white paper. What could be more amazing, more normal, more right, than having your own little space to work such magic for yourself.

In about 2008 or 9 I ordered my first batch of metal scales, with the idea of trying to make a dragon tail in time for Halloween. It took probably a couple weeks to figure out how to make it, and within a week I had thought of how to do it better and disassembled the entire thing. By the 3rd or 4th time I'd rebuilt it, I thought that it was probably good enough that I wouldn't feel embarrassed to post it online and see if someone might want to buy it.

Of course I love working on these things I make. But I don't think that's exactly why I make them.

[nickeverdeen]

Hiya! Can I request an arcane matchup?

I'm black and light skinned with either peach or gold undertones depending on the lighting I'm in. I'm 5'3( I stopped growing since 7th grade and I hate it), and bisexual (I prefer girls tho) I go by she/her, or him I don't really care. (I've been mistaken for a boy many times before I grew my hair out)

Speaking of that, I have shoulder length locs and I love to put hella charms in them!! Sometimes when I don't feel like doing my hair I would normally wash them the night before and let them down or something. and omggg the shrinkage is REAL! Every time I get a retwist my hair shrinks so bad the day after and it looks like my hair is short (which it kinda is but ykwim)

but anyway I was born with a birth defect called unilateral cleft lip and pallet, so there used to be a split on my lip and the roof of my mouth which caused my gum line to mess up completely until I got surgery..

I grew up with a really bad lateral lisp and I had to go through speech therapy. It's getting better now a little bit but my s and z sounds are a bit hard and I fumble up my words a lot. I don't have braces yet, but if I did have them they'd probably be blue right now lol, it's my favorite color!

Fun fact: I have no uvula!

I have like 5 beauty marks, the only one that's on my face is underneath my nostril and it's really noticeable. I have two birthmarks, one on my leg and one on my back! I used to have one on my cheek when I was 11 but it faded and I lowkey miss it. I have really big brown eyes but poor eyesight (my mother and sisters are blind, so it's like a genetic thing)

Now for my hobbies and interests, I love to draw, paint, color, crochet, make bracelets, and all! I completely suck at digital, tried it once, never again.. well idk

I am very athletic, I grew up playing basketball with my dad and it has grown to become one of my favorite sports, and I can run fast!

I'm in love with fashion! I dress pretty basic tho .. I normally wear baggy jeans and graphic tees, or on SOME days jerseys & jorts with my sambas and gold jewelry, but if I do have time to spend 3+ hours putting together random stuff in my closet I'll just wear that out.

Sometimes I like to switch up from dressing really fem to masc, or even a mix of both.

Dogs or cats? Although I do adore them both, reptiles. I have 2 leopard geckos, a bearded dragon and a ball python!

I have a very diverse music taste, wouldn't say I listen to EVERYTHING but I do listen to anything. R&b is my favorite tho, I'm an old soul.

Relationships.. my love languages are quality time, gifts, and play fighting! I was like a REALLY rough kid , especially when it came to those pretend wrestling games in the bounce house . (I almost broke some kid's finger once, but we're not gonna talk about that.) If I'm comfortable with someone, I would would definitely yap nonstop about any and everything. I would probably accidentally say too much and regret it later, but I can't help that, my mouth constantly runs and like NEVER stops.

I'm an estp! I'm really hyper most of the time and always find ways to smile. If you were to ask my friends what they thought of me they would probably say I'm funny, sometimes I don't even try to be funny and everyone's already on the floor, but I do laugh at my own jokes most of the time. I am really impatient and sensitive, I cry over the smallest things, but it's better than completely crashing out.. When I get really angry I quite literally destroy everything around me . I would say I have anger issues, but it really came from my past trauma that I went through alone, so it's something I also can't help. During arguments, such and such, I will NEVER bring up personal things and use it against people, it's just not in my heart, because I know how it feels to have family problems, etc. I've been through it all too.

The problem with me is that I don't take my own advice, I am a good therapist to many of my friends, mostly my younger family members, but when I'm giving them advice it's mainly just me comforting my past self.

But yeah, that's it!

Your Arcane match is…

Vi

Vi would immediately notice your strength and resilience, especially with what you’ve been through, and she’d admire how open and empathetic you are with others

She loves your style, especially your locs with all the charms, and would make a game of spotting the different ones whenever you changed them up

Vi would always be encouraging you to talk and say whatever’s on your mind, appreciating that you feel comfortable opening up to her

She loves your confidence in your mix of masc and fem looks and would be happy to lend you any of her own clothes to incorporate into your style

Vi would absolutely be in love with your art and would keep little things you made for her with her at all times, finding comfort in them when she’s away

She’d find your R&B taste perfect and would constantly be asking you to play your favorite songs when you’re together

Vi adores your playful side and wouldn’t hesitate to spar with you

Expect lots of play fights and wrestling matches that inevitably turn into laughter and goofing around

She’d admire your athleticism, and the two of you would be competitive about anything and everything

She’s secretly thrilled whenever you can keep up with her

When she finds out about your reptiles, she’d be impressed, and though she might be hesitant at first, she’d warm up to them quickly

Vi would be the most patient listener, knowing that sometimes you worry about saying too much but still loving every little detail you share

If you ever got upset or frustrated, Vi would be there for you, not trying to fix things but just being present, letting you vent as much as you need

She’d be protective of you and would always have your back, especially in stressful or triggering situations

Vi would love your spontaneous personality and how you’re always finding reasons to laugh or make others laugh, often joining in and egging you on

When you’re hyper or really in your element, Vi would just sit back and enjoy it, loving how much energy and life you bring to her days

She’d notice your impatience and try to slow things down for you, but never in a patronizing way—she’d just help you keep your cool when needed

She would always check in to make sure you’re okay after intense moments, showing her softer side and genuinely caring about how you’re feeling

Knowing that you’ve been through a lot alone, she’d make it clear that you’ll never have to go through things by yourself again

She would always be gentle and kind with you, respecting your boundaries and never pushing you to talk about your past unless you wanted to

She respects how you handle anger, and she’d trust you deeply because she knows that you’re a safe place and would never use personal things against her or anyone else

[loki-zen]

and like I've never really gotten into the organisations (at least at the level of idk Facebook groups) that I assume must exist to bring together us non-stereotypical riders, because I've never been one to join groups specifically of/for Women if it can possibly be helped.

(also I was tagging this post and Tumblr suggested "#biker girl" and that's another reason I guess - the language is, uh, not to my taste often. "Biker girl", "Lady riders" it's like. in this context i'm okay being rounded off to a 'woman', i have material interests and relevant traits in common with that category with respect to being more likely to encounter certain attitudes and barriers in terms of assumptions about the physical traits of the "average biker" that do not apply to us.

I personally have a very 'feminine' frame (short, small hands, low centre of gravity, strength concentrated in the lower body) and that's extremely relevant to choice of motorbike, such that it's practically the only purchase where I find it useful for people to tell me that x is very popular with women or my girlfriend likes it and so on.

This can also often be a barrier to the hobby - riding schools tend to get in high-seated, top-heavy street racer style bikes because they're cheap and easy to repair, which put short people with less upper body strength at a huge disadvantage and may in some cases* be simply unsafe for them to ride. If a woman who is new to the hobby doesn't know about this (and she's new; how would she?) and her riding school decides not to admit that her struggling is their fault (because then they might be asked why the fuck they took her money without checking they had anything suitable for her to ride), they send her away feeling like she can't do it and it doesn't feel good to her anyway, and if I had to guess, this is probably a huge reason for both the continued rarity of women bikers and their (apparent) tendency to be people introduced to the hobby via a close personal connection like a father or a boyfriend.

The shape of me means I'm also subject to the relative paucity, expense and stereotypical stylings of clothes for "lady bikers" - I can't just shop in the menswear section as it's very important that protective clothing fit correctly, or else the armour won't rest over what it needs to protect.)

*if the seat height is too high relative to the rider's leg length, they won't be able to find stable purchase on the ground when supporting the bike while stopped or nearly-stopped. That's dangerous, and massively increases the risk of the bike tipping over sideways when stopping or setting off.

Incidentally,

A ) it's frequently possible to have a motorbike seat lowered (within certain limits imposed by the frame) - I'm taking my full test on a bike with the usual street-sporty stylings riding schools go in for, but with a lowered seat.

B ) many styles of motorbike - anything in the cruiser/bobber/tourer styleset, and a lot of classics (for the uninitiated: imagine kinds of motorbike where you don't lean forward while you're riding them) - come as standard with seat heights lower than the lowest most street bikes can be adjusted down to. Everyone rides them like that, whatever their height, so they would work for learners of almost any height.(some very tall people don't prefer them - but, as I understand it, this is more of a comfort thing and less of an inarguable safety problem than the reverse situation) Bobbers/tourers/classics are also easier to keep upright for everyone (when stopped, this is more relevant for those with less upper body strength, but side winds don't discriminate!), and the more upright riding posture allows for better use of the mirrors and a fuller view of the road ahead.

...and yet, riding schools (even the one I use now, which is, relatively speaking, extremely good for women riders!) seem to universally go for the street racer style bikes, rather than (as would have made intuitive sense to me) having a variety on hand to accommodate different bodies and preferences.

I have to assume the reason is economic - certainly the cheapest 125 made by all the major retailers right now seems to be a street racer style bike.

(However - so much of the cost of riding a 125 as a learner is the insurance, and I gather it's a big expense for the schools as well. Given the objective benefits discussed above, it's surprising to me that there's not a big insurance differential that might incentivise the use of more stable bikes that give learners a better view of the road.)

[gh0stedvhampir]

Get to know your mutuals!

Tagged by @joyful-soul-collector

What's the origin of your blog title? "Vol'jin Deserves Better" comes from my belief that the character, Vol'jin deserves a better outcome than he got. Sure they may bring him back, but he was just kinda sloughed off like rotten bark, and it pissed me the fuck off ):

OTP(s) + Shipname: Jayvik and Zaundads. (That's Jayce x Viktor and Silco x Vander both from Arcane) I don't think I had a pairing before that I was as invested in as I am with Jayvik, so I can't really say I've ever had OTPs before this, in a more serious way (I have bought fanmerch for Jayvik which I have never done before)

Favorite color: Emerald Green and Turquoise

Favorite game: Hmm. Mm... Disco Elysium, probably. That or Pentiment!

Song stuck in your head: Skott - Midas (YT, Spotify)

Weirdest habit/trait? Uh I stim with my hands a lot. I make crab hands and tap my fingers rapidly, that might be weird to non-autistics. And even to other autistics.

Hobbies: Mostly right now? Reading and absorbing Jayvik content. I like to play TTRPGs (DND 5e, SWADE, Pf2e), I like to play Disco Elysium, Divinity: Original Sin 2, Smite 2 sometimes, Pathologic, Pentiment.... Play with my dog!

If you work, what's your profession? I'm unemployed currently due to a disability.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? I'd really like to be a clown, actually. Like a professional birthday clown, someone with whimsy and silliness maximum. Alternatively, I'd like to be a historian with a focus on Folk Religion and Folk Art!

Something you're good at: Hyperfixation Research/Special Interest Diving. Once I get my hooks in something, there are no lengths that will stop me to learn information if it pertains to my special interest or current hyperfixation. I recently spent 6 hours learning about Applied Probability and Materials Sciences because I assign Viktor Mathematical Engineer and Jayce as an Engineering Physicist for Modern AU jobs. :I That information lives in my brain now.

Something you're bad at: Understanding Social Communication. It's why I'd make a terrible clown! #ThanksAutism

Something you love: The sound of rain. I am comfortable during storms (though I'm not a fan of lightning)

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: Probably my OCs unfortunately.

Something you hate: Sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, western society in general, I think.

Something you collect: Bones and teeth!

Something you forget: I have ADHD, I forget what I'm doing when I walk through a doorway. You think I remember stuff I forget?

What's your love language? Probably physical touch, though I really only like touch from people I trust (Shout out to Rune and Wes! <3)

Favorite movie/show: At the moment, Arcane. But also Call the Midwife, The Good Place, Interview with the Vampire, Disenchantment, Dungeon Meshi, Lucifer, Grace and Frankie, Good Bad Mother.

Favorite food: My Spaghetti!

Favorite animal: Servals

What were you like as a child? Unruly. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers as a child. (Really unusual for AFABs to be diagnosed, but I was. I was 11!)

Favorite subject at school? History. I was always good with that.

Least favorite subject: Maths. I'm TERRIBLE at math.

What's your best character trait? I had to phone-a-friend for this one (Thanks Figaroni!) She says I'm a passionate and excitable person!

What's your worst character trait? I can be immensely negative about circumstances or if I can't find a solution to a problem, I can shutdown and become critical of the situation. Additionally, I get frustrated easily too and deal with what's called Low Frustration Tolerance. This is common for people with ADHD!

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? I would change out my GI tract for a functional one so I'm not stuck not going out and not doing things as often due to GI problems.

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? I'd like to meet Mozart, I think!

Tag as as many mutuals as you want!!

@the-kingbo @feydstan @obsidianwitch @bendingwind @lyriumrain @autistic-echo @bethrnoora @reagan-the-saunders @cosmosapphic @crowholtz @himbopunk @windwake-me-up-inside

[soulstagger]

What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

the be honest meme. 

Pace yourself.

Understand activity on a post means actually nothing at all, that the threads you see people do are often built off years and years of friendships, that muses take a lot more time than a few posts a day to catch on.

That sometimes it's luck, and that you should just be here wanting to tell your muses story with others, like it's a tabletop game each Sunday.

In the end you'll do stuff with your friends the most, don't be rude to anons for no reason, don't be spiteful because people misunderstood stuff.

And find out what you like to do best, and go find friends who do the same. If you're like me, where long threads and slow burn are king, but you don't mind a quick back n forth here and there. Then cool, you'll find people like that.

If you're more the dash fast type, do what's on your mind that day, reset the next. That's cool too, you'll find people like that.

The more you're aware of what you like to do, the more you'll find like minded people. Else you'll stress yourself out trying to do what others like to do, and if you're not willing to reach them half way, and they won't do the same for you. Yeah it'll suck for both of you.

And no, imo it's not cool at all to have 100 things in your inbox and 100 drafts, and brag about it when you've had them for half a year.

Find out what your load limit is, try to stick within it, and remind yourself. Replies to threads are literally the same as posting new stuff on dash, neither better or worse than each other. It's just what you choose to do when you sit down, the quick dopamine hit or the satisfaction of conclusion. Both feel good, its what you want to do.

Blahblahblah I could go on forever, but it's just my thoughts on it. And I've been here for a long time, and even people who've never participated in what I did before my brief retirement, knew who my muses where. I just treated this hobby like a hobby, gave it a lil time and respect, like I do my own tabletop campaign, and let it grow.

Just be respectful, of your time and not getting too addicted here. Of others, and what you promise to do and don't do. Other people are also just important, don't bring that mentality of only you matter into this space, it'll cause you nothing but problems. Be honest when you want stuff, and when you'd rather do something else.

It's a two way hobby, it's literally a hobby about making friends, being friends, and writing together. So don't do unto people what you wouldn't do to your friends I guess lol.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

I'm taking a break from Yugioh

I drafted this before the final Go Rush episode aired and am posting it before the subs have come out so while I don't quite know the entire ending (the footage I saw was very choppy), I have already long since resigned myself to something:

Go Rush is no longer the show I once loved.

The drop in quality after the Kuaidul Spacetime arc was gradual in my eyes, so gradual that only looking back on it now do I realize that the problems that have deteriorated the show for me have been around since post Spacetime. Hell, some were around even earlier than that.

Believe me. I do not want to dislike this show. I was patient with it, even towards decisions I questioned at the time, because I wanted to like this show. I wanted to believe it was all going somewhere. But... we're at the end now and I have to face the truth. Go Rush, in my eyes, did not go in a satisfying direction and even became hard to watch by the end.

I don't think I'd consider it a bad show overall as I still have a lot of love for season 1 and most of season 2 but there was still absolutely a drop in quality for me, to the point of some episodes being so bad I didn't want to or ultimately couldn't even bring myself to watch them. And along with this, I've just... generally become very disillusioned with the Yugioh fandom as a whole.

I'll admit, I'd spent years looking forward to fully catching up on the Yugioh franchise and being able to keep up with one of the series as it came out. Go Rush ended up being that series and... let's just say the experience of watching and talking about a Yugioh series as it came out... wasn't what I hoped.

There have absolutely been moments I've experienced, things I've written, and friends I've made along this journey that I wouldn't trade for anything but the larger community just feels... alienating and honestly even intimidating, to the point where I don't feel safe publicly talking about certain things that happened to me within the fandom.

Let me be clear that I am NOT judging anyone's character based on how they present online, nor am I going to refer to anyone by name, but there are absolutely undeniable toxicities in this fandom that negatively affected me, my opinions on certain parts of the show, and my mental health. And yes, every fandom has its toxicities. That's just unavoidable but nevertheless, I still need a break from this fandom. I still love the parts of Go Rush that I love: the entire first season, most of the second season, and of course, Kuaidul Velgear himself, being the big highlights for me. That last one especially I wanna emphasize for a second:

Kuaidul Velgear is a character that means a lot to me personally, hence why he was the only part of the ending I discussed in detail here after seeing it. And that's because, yes, Kuaidul is a character type I'm always generally fond of and is very relatable to me personally, but he was also very much a "right place, right time" life-changer for me. It's because of Kuaidul that I found a new hobby in writing with others and subsequently, finding friends I never would've found otherwise. And it's also because of Kuaidul that I'm... well... still here. Among the living. He was my anchor to life in a dark moment and even became a symbol of my spiritual faith. I can't recall a single other character having this major of a positive impact on me. That's the main thing I want to take away from Go Rush going forward: I want to remember Go Rush as something that brought me and will hopefully still bring me good times through the writing I still want to do for it and to do that, I need a break.

Yugioh seems to be going on somewhat of a break itself, if not ending entirely since the ninth series still hasn't been confirmed. So I'd like to use that break to watch the other anime I've had on my radar for a while. There's quite a few so don't be surprised if going forward, this blog becomes more a general anime blog with a Kuaidul profile picture rather than a Yugioh blog. Because if there's anything I want to carry forward with me, it's Kuaidul.

To end on a lighter note, here's a list of some of the anime I'm considering watching: Spy x Family, Sonic X, Pokemon Sun and Moon, Bocchi the Rock, and Assassination Classroom. There are more, but those are the ones I'll say here.

[runthepockets]

Honestly, as a man, I think most of my greivances have been with online leftism and the attitudes the queer and feminist spaces have towards men in them have been more damaging than almost anything else in my life. I've stopped thinking about my middle school bullies, and everyone knows my abusive mom and ex girlfriend are insane, but the attitudes I'd been faced with on the internet as a teen still seem to sit with me.

It's the constant judgement. The perpetual social hierarchy of how men are only ever oppressors and be wrong in situations. "Never trust a man who says all his exes are crazy, be wary of men who speak poorly of their mothers" while women who say all their exes are crazy and speak poorly of their fathers are only ever met with sympathy and the usual "lol yeah men are trash". Masculine hobbies and modes of presentation being put down to uplift feminine ones, "when you see a 10/10 girl with a 4/10 guy" comments just cus the guy looks like a dude who works at Target rather than a goddamn movie star, penises and facial hair and deep voices are yucky disgusting, The Ick, "hate when big groups of men are laughing, what's so funny, rape and misogyny?" Videos of dudes crying and talking about how they're having a hard time is just met with ridicule and emasculating commentary from both men and women who posture themselves as kinder and smarter than the status quo, "weh weh raise the male suicide rate they're all rapists and abusers anyway", other dudes siding with women who do this shit cus they're more concerned with being One Of The Good Ones than they are having a fucking spine or a sense of individuality, not realizing they're just the male equivalent of pickme girls.

Idk man it just hurts me. I've been abused by a lot of women, had my sexual advances blown wildly out of proportion because the women in question either regretted engaging with me later or wanted to keep running with this narrative that they have no agency and are perpetually victims in their own lives even though I haven't really done anything to make them believe this, and all it gets me in these spaces is blank stares and awkward silences, when I know if the genders were flipped I'd get nothing but endless support. I'm not as upset about one of my exes making false rape accusations against me as I was as a teenager, but I'm sometimes nervous around bringing it up in leftist spaces at all because I figure folks are just gonna find a way to warp it and make me feel like I imagined the whole thing and that my ex had every right to be a shit to me because she's a girl and girls doing anything is Girl Power, even when it's actively harming others.

I'm sure me being black and trans plays a big role in this too, but again, 1) I'm not a fan of putting emphasis on my marginalization for brownie points, 2) I actually am straight, masculine, gender conforming despite those marginalizations, so there's really no identifiers for me to hide behind and claim "false comparison" over, I actually am all those things that online queer and feminist spaces take issue with and it still sucks and has actively done damage to my self esteem over the years and 3) I've seen other men-- cis, white, whatever-- of all backgrounds talking about their frustrations with this too. It's just another form of socially acceptable bullying and I kinda hate it.

People ask why I go stealth irl, why I don't go out of my way to befriend a ton of queer and liberal people my age, and why I'm adverse to communities that pride themselves on being diverse and all accepting and shit, well this is why. Cus every time I talk about a problem or criticize reactionary sentiment in those spaces, I'm met with me just being ~a pathetic man who's too sensitive to letting marginilized people vent~, I'm told that I'm part of the problem, I'm told that if I stopped being so rape-y and entitled and if I just fell in line like a good little man that I wouldn't have any of these problems, no actual solutions or sympathy, just condescension.

Yeah, of course I identify with bro culture, speak highly of masculinity, and entertain playful douchebaggery after years of that. That stuff saved my life and isn't hostile to my existence or my desires. I'm loud, energetic, assertive, with a hazing / controversial sense of humor and morality, there is no timeline where I'm going to be defanged and docile and see it as acceptable to walk all over someone for things they can't help, no matter how "privileged" they are. These subcultures let me be a man in a way a lot of online (and honestly, irl) leftist spaces aren't really willing to allow or deal with.

[moonstarsunflower]

Appendix 0. "Fact, Fiction, & Inspirations"

❝Another hibernation is on the way as I say goodbye again with my fifth story!❞

pairing ▹ author x reader genre ▹ fluff, humor, angst, appendices!au, commentary!au word count ▹ 1.0k warnings ▹ not much really, just extra stuff as usual!

First of all, I would like to thank those who have read this short story. Thank you so much for embarking on another writing journey with me! 🌞

Honestly, I was a bit scared to come back in a sense that people might not read what I've written. But I think, it's really more about the process of writing for me, rather than it being read.

Of course it's an important factor too, having readers. But I guess for me, I'm more than happy and contented with being able to do my favorite hobby, which is writing and creating stories.

The joy, happiness, sadness, tears, the burst of anger and disappointment, fear, terror—you name it—that's what I enjoy the most in writing. The feeling it gives me when I'm imagining how things are happening in one scene or another.

The journey of brainstorming, creating, finalizing, and bringing stories to life is really just something.

So to those who were able to ride with me on this rollercoaster of time-and-multidimensional adventure, thank you so much. 🥹

Anyway, this section will just be short since this was just a short story that I pulled out of the back of my mind.

1. The Beginning

The plot of this story has been in my mind since I finished writing In Another Summerin 2021, because I ended that one with Haneul and Minhyung being the rebirths of Elizabeth and Mark.

Throughout the years, while making other stories and short fanfics, it's been developed in my notes, and I already had visions of how the chapters would be like. The problem was, I had writer's block for months on end. I didn't know how to start writing anything at all, so I stopped.

But then, this February of 2024, I just suddenly started writing and didn't stop until I completed the story. And it's all thanks to NCT DREAM's 3rd full album ISTJ!

(I swear there's just something with February because I remember when I wrote How It Started, How It Ended, it was also in February of 2021 when I had that burst of ideas and energies.)

Anyway, that February burst resulted in this story finally coming to life after being in the drafts for years!

2. Inspirations, Plot, and Themes

I'm pretty sure most of you are familiar with this song, but this story's title is definitely inspired from Our Summer (Acoustic Mix) by TXT. Something about that song just feels so right with the summer motif of this story.

Like the first two stories, this one also has its own set of songs from which I got the inspiration to write. Mostly I wrote it while listening to calming Minecraft music, but of course newer songs from NCT DREAM have made the list.

However, I wanted this story to feel and be different from the first two predecessors. This story—despite being a spin-off from the music-themed At the End of Summerand In Another Summer—is not about music.

In fact, this isn't about friendship, first love, nor Mark Lee.

The whole story centers around themes of reincarnation, soulmates, and destiny.

After finding each other in 2118, Haneul and Minhyung discovered that they were soulmates from being the reincarnations of Elizabeth and Mark a hundred years later.

I had so much fun incorporating the time travel and multidimensional aspects to the plot, since they were the most crucial piece, apart from the fact that it was Mark Lee who caused all of it to happen.

Bonus part about Haechan, Rui, Jiseok, and Jaeyoon who were respectively Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin in 2118, with special appearances of Chenle and Jisung—or Charles and Andy—in a different universe! 😆

But while it was very fun to write about rebirths and soulmates, it was also sad to write about Elizabeth's final and unchanging fate: she is destined to die in their dimension no matter what.

The past should never be re-written, and dimensions should never be altered.

So that's about everything I had in mind. And I hope I was able to convey the right and proper feelings and messages into each chapter.

Of course, special mentions to the movies I've watched that contained multiverse plots such as Spider-Man: No Way Home and Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness!

Also, a big part of the chapters The Maker and In This Dimension was inspired by two episodes from the series Love, Death, & Robots.

The bubble-like cover that protected the safe house was inspired from the episode SUITS, while the futuristic city outside it was inspired by the episode Pop Squad. Each can be found at the end of both episodes.

If you haven't seen it, give it a try! Love, Death, & Robots is a great series that depicts the ultra modern aspect of life and how far humans can go with such advanced technologies. 🤖

3. Fun Fact

I started writing this story at the beginning of February and only finished in the middle of the month.

Because of the sudden burst of ideas on my mind, it took me just about two weeks to finish the whole story, which is a new record for me! 👏

Also, the cover photo of this story is actually my very own photo of my red polaroid camera! Below is a little sneak peek into the photoshoot featuring my desk back in 2021.

I specifically intended for it to be the cover photo from the moment I thought of creating a third story. I just didn't have the will and ideas to write it at the time.

Like I said, this story had been in the drafts for years! 😂

4. Fun Fiction?

For now, I would like to focus on short fics like one-shots and flash fictions.

As always, I have something in the drafts that may or may not see the light of day, and it will stay that way for a while.

I don't know when I'll be back again but do feel free to explore around my fanfic blog!

5. The End

Another hibernation is on the way as I say goodbye again with my fifth story!

I do hope you guys enjoyed my writing. I've missed doing this hobby so much, all the thoughts and preparations I put into creating stories just make me feel so happy.

Again, thank you so much! 🌱

❂ ☽ ✵

Date Posted: February 17, 2024 (Saturday)

appendix 0 | chapter list

✵

a/n: questions? send your thoughts! feedbacks are much appreciated!

✵

©️ 2024, moonstarsunflower. All rights reserved. Do not copy, repost, or use without permission.

[dramaism]

I’m sorry to hear last year was rough for you. I hope 2025 will be kinder to you. *sends hugs* It’s okay to not be as active as you used to on guemul (iconic icon btw. Jae Yi and her eggs will always be famous). I hope you’re not pressuring yourself to start creating again for your sideblog.

Aww thank you! I feel like I’m becoming more and more like that – consuming whatever type of media and forgetting it soon after. It’s not something I feel really comfortable with. That’s the main reason as to why I like writing reviews (and want to write more of them). To me, writing a review allows me to be more ‘active’ in the way I consume things. I’ve been thinking about it for a few months now – how the things I now enjoy puts me in a rather passive position. I’m still trying to find some new hobbies which would help me become ‘active’ again in my free time. I used to write from time to time and even draw a bit but my expectations are always so high that I can never be happy with what I create. It makes me want to give up and not try again. I lack discipline and that’s a real problem >< I’m trying to change that way of thinking: to put the enjoyment not in the end result but rather on the process itself. Ngl it’s hard.

I feel you so much about not being too much into reading because of your job! I had a similar experience and had to ‘relearn’ how to enjoy reading. During my studies, I had to read a lot of books especially books that were extremely detailed on very specific topics and those were so hard to read. Reading some of them felt like a chore and it totally changed the way I approached reading. Not to mention the fact that my taste in books have changed drastically over the years. I picked up mangas at that time (when reading was too difficult for me because of the books I had to read for my studies) and it helped a lot! I’m also starting to read more and more graphic novels nowadays and it’s been a great reading experience :)

I don’t know much about fanfiction but I’m glad you’re still enjoying it! Do you have any favourite tropes? A favourite fic?

I’ve heard about the books you mentioned but I’ve never read them. I feel a bit dumb saying this but I don’t really know what books I enjoy reading. Finishing books has become a challenge and I’m still trying to figure out the kind of books that bring me enjoyment. I like complex characterisation and morally-grey characters. “Earthflown” which is a novel I read last year had a really strong cast of characters all morally-grey and they were all well-written. The world-building was great too! It’s written by Frances Wren and illustrated by Litarnes who is an artist I’ve been following for years. I adore their art. I’m also a big big fan of platonic relationships so any books revolving around friendship are likely to get my attention ^^

Oh, what else do I love? That’s a big question. I like watching the starry sky when I leave for work. I like listening to birds and trying to locate them among the branches (they’re very good at hiding). I like photography although I’ve been neglecting my camera for months (nicknamed ‘Birdy’ btw. I really do like birds it seems. It’s also a reference to the film ‘Your Name Engraved Herein’.) That brings me to the next point: I like giving random names to objects, trees, and whatnot. I love music and I’m fascinated by people who can play any instruments. Love reading mangas (‘Witch Hat Atelier’ is my current favourite. Gorgeous art, awesome characterisation, thought-provoking story) and buying artbooks. Love listening to the sound of the rain falling on my skylight. The list goes on… What about you, Jey?

I’m glad your family dinner went well! My sister’s birthday went well too! Thank you for the wishes <3

— your secret valentine who wishes you a good start of the week 𓆩♡𓆪

Yeah, I've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder due to stress at work, so it was bad for me last year. Now I'm mostly fine. Thank you!

Yes, she's an absolute legend! I am actually pressuring myself a lot, idk how not to. And trying to post there from time to time. That's why I'm rewatching Beyond evil slowly, to inspire myself

Omg writing reviews!!! Yes!!! I want to do that too, but always forget to write them. I totally agree with you, it's a great way to be more involved with any media you consume.

And I feel you with the hobbies' thing I was like that a few years ago, I needed everything to be perfect but now after last year I've started caring less. I think it's important to remember that hobby is not a job or obligation, we're doing it just for fun. I still have some sense of responsibility with the giffing part, but it is certainly less with my other hobbies. Like just a few days ago I've decided to translate some fanfiction just for fun, because I liked it and wanted to do it. And I'm trying not to think of "wasting time" on this or about any likes/kudos, I'm trying to do this just for me. Same with the giffing. I first started it just for fun, and now I do worry about likes/reblogs, but not like before. 50 notes I consider a win :D I don't know your life situation, but I hope you'll just have fun with your hobbies and not worry about anything!

Same with me! In uni I was reading a lot of complicated books too, and I think I was into manga as well, I can't remember. Glad that it helped you to relearn your love for reading!

I usually read Harry Potter fics. Definitely love "friends to lovers" and "annoyance to lovers" tropes the most, also love bickering! I don't have a favorite fanfiction I just can't pick one, I guess :)

Honestly It's not dumb at all, I think it's cool not being exclusive to just one genre or one author and try and love different things, it's completely okay! Yes to platonic relationship and yes to morally gray characters! Love both things not only in books but in tv shows and movies too, it's absolutely amazing. Do you have any favorite tropes in books or tv shows? Or in asian dramas?

Oh my heart, you're a poet! I feel like I'm in a romance novel, you're so so precious. I like everything you've mentioned. I also love how it feels on cold evenings when the snow is falling. Love drinking green tea from my cup and watching the sunset. Love when people just dance on the street on a warm summer night. Love walking my dog and how we both just stand on the hill and watching the sunrise. Love travelling by train just for a couple of hours in another city and spending my day there completely alone, healing. Love making playlists for any kind of mood and then listening to them all the time. Love walking literally everywhere from city to forest. Love meeting friends and just laughing and chatting about everything. Love to have fun with everything in my life. And I love your letters, thank you so much for them

I'm sending you all your good wishes back and hoping that you won't be that hard on yourself, too!!!

[speakingagain]

I have two jobs.

I don't even want to work one job.

I want to stay home, be a recluse, and work on random hobbies and sleep and forget I exist and everything just cease to exist around me and-oh I'm depressed.

Neat.

I wish I had an off button. Or a remote to pause. I took an extra shift tonight, despite working overtime at my full time job and 40 hours the last week at my part time. I also haven't slept more than a couple hours the last three days. I shouldn't be surprised I'm feeling more depressed right now. I mean, it's 4 am, and I have nothing to do while at work for another hour. So what else can I do except think?

And we all know thinking is a dangerous game. Leads to dark parts of my mind that I'd rather stay hidden.

And most of the time it stays hidden, and I can ignore it for the most part. But I also generally get a semi regular amount of sleep. So.

I gotta find some coffee. Maybe a snack. But I also don't want to eat. I just want to go to bed, but that's not going to be possible until after 6 pm tonight. I have a shift at 8 am.

And my mother kind of pissed me off. She constantly nags me about not having enough money, or not doing enough. And then when I'm working overtime and two jobs, she tells me to quit working so much. I made a joke saying I hope they let me go home early for my 3rd shift. She got pissed and yelled at me to stop, saying I "made my bed and I need to lay in it." I know that mom. But we all dream for the day our manager asks us if we want to go home early.

It's impossible to win with her sometimes. Granted, I haven't cleaned the kitchen like she asked. And it's only getting worse. And she has every right to be irritated with me. But my mom is so passive aggressive and impossible to please.

I don't want to deal with her anymore.

I want to live on my own.

I want to live.

But I also want to cease to exist. Not like, "grippy sock time." But I just want to stop being. I want to pause. I want to disengage with the world around me. Fuck I want out of this shit.

I want out of my brain.

I did a therapy assignment yesterday. My therapist is confused about my time line of trauma. I think it's funny when she tries to hide her genuine surprise about all the trauma I've been through. Anyways, she asked me to make a visual timeline of my life.

I made a PowerPoint. The portions including my childhood began to become a little overwhelming. So I added memes to cope. Lots of frog memes. I guess some things never change.

I may need to redo a good portion of it. I left out lots of details, and good things that happened....I can only really think of like two good things though?

I have another session this weekend. I've been trying to find things to bring up for my next sessions like throughout the week. This week, I've got nothing.

She gave me one task, aside from the time line thing. I told her I have a bad habit of holding onto tangible items and struggle with throwing things away and told her about my ex's box of shit he gave me.

She asked about how I feel about thinking about throwing his things away. It made me want to panic, so she asked me to go through the box to see what I might consider getting rid of.

I haven't. Haven't even looked at the box. I don't want to. And it's Thursday. My session is Sunday. I work every day in between, but not Sunday. But Mom wants to go to the mountains Sunday.

I could use a day in the mountains. To breathe.

But fuck me, if I'm not exhausted and just hoping my body will stall like a shitty car. Leave me on the side of the road till I can afford a tow. Sell me on eBay if you can't fix me.

This got deeper than I meant it. Anyways, I don't want to touch the box. I know I should. I know it will do me a world of good in the long run. And she didn't even ask me to throw anything away. Just to consider finding an item that I'd be okay throwing away.

This shouldn't be so hard. This shouldn't give me this much anxiety. This shouldn't be a problem. This shouldn't be MY problem.

He cheated. He abused. He stole. He financially ruined me. He left me in the dust. Why is this my problem?

He should be the one hurting. He should be the one with the anxiety, holding onto my gifts, and perfume and pictures and notes. He should be the one with the problem. He should be missing me.

Why isn't he missing me?

I think I found my session topic.

[brainfuzz]

For anyone who doubts Wil's word on this, let me offer my experiences as a woman in the TTRPG space. For the record, I am a year older than Wil.

I started playing D&D when it was the redbox and AD&D. The neighbor boy, who was the only kid my age in the area I was allowed free range, begged me to play and DM'd. For years, that was the only way I played.

Then he moved, and I joined the little group at the library where he played. I was the only girl. I became the little sister to everyone in the group, emphasis on the little part. Suddenly, I went from complete control of all 6 members of the party, to just my little thief. He was a halfling, and, more importantly, he was a he. Back then (iirc) female characters had weaker stats and nobody played a female character. I was told I should be playing a girl, because I was a girl. Except I'd been playing my little thief for a while now, and I wanted to keep playing him. Eventually I won that battle simply by refusing to create a new character.

Then I moved and I stopped playing because it was high school during the Satanic Panic, and D&D wasn't talked about openly, and I was also coming into the school late and was doing my best to fit in and being a D&D geek was not cool. There's a whole lot more around that move, but just let it be said that high school sucked big hairy moose balls, and not only because I wasn't playing D&D.

By 20, I was on my own, working at a real job, making real money and not minimum wage and discovered a game/hobby shop on my commute. It had been 5 years since I'd played, and I missed it. I stopped in to see if there was a group, what was new, and look for dice and minis.

The gatekeeping was so strong, you'd have thought was walking into Mordor. I was quizzed on my character, and got it wrong because the class had switched from thief to rogue and halflings now had sub-races, and I couldn't answer that question. Every question I asked was answered as if I should have known already, and by the time I'd gotten to the (now reluctant) question about joining a group, there were quite a few boys guys hanging around. One of them answered with I was welcome to join their group, they needed a healer and a female one would be very welcome, wink wink, nudge nudge. At that point one or two of the braver degens started hitting on me. I left and never went back.

At this point, I would like to point out that I was most likely wearing overalls (it was the 90s, sue me), a tshirt and absolutely no makeup. I have never been called pretty, and the best I've gotten was 'damn, you clean up well' and that was on my wedding day when I had my makeup done professionally (no, my husband didn't say that).

Fast forward 20 years, and now I've got a high school kid who's going through some mental health shit, and we're looking for ways to get him involved in things outside of the house. I refused to even look to see if that game shop is still around, but find out there's one near by that advertises themselves as "family friendly." I go check it out. Turns out the owner was running the shop that day and he not only welcomed me, but was horrified that I hadn't played in so long, and encouraged me to bring my kid play.

When he said family friendly, he meant family friendly. There were players older than me on down to 12 and the first thing I was told - by the mostly male members of the groups - was that if anyone gave me shit, to let someone know. The person would be permabanned from the store; it had happened before and would happen again.

I played at that store for 6 years with absolutely zero problems. I brought my daughter to play at that store with absolutely zero problems. I DM'd and had the complete respect of my table. There were 5 tables, with anywhere from 30 to 50 people playing and I'd say 90% of them were men or boys. It got to be they had to cap the participants because too many people wanted to play.

Group play stopped during Covid, obviously, and I moved out of state before it started back up, otherwise I'd still be there. I found a group in my new location, and while they aren't gatekeeping, they all think they're either dank edgelords or so special they should be able to play their overpowered homebrew races and I wasn't having enough fun to justify driving an hour each way to play for three hours. That's a personal preference, and I played with them for a few months before I decided that group wasn't for me. At no point did any of them question my right to be there, make assumptions about me or my characters, or generally made me feel unwelcome. On the contrary, a few of them were ecstatic to have new blood. I was surprised since I moved to the middle of nowhere and am surrounded by Trump flags.

That caretaking Wil's talking about does, and has, had an effect, and its a good one. Keep on weeding that garden, because if all you geeky nerdy weird dudes want geeky nerdy weird women in your spaces, we have to feel safe there. Because if we don't, we probably won't say anything, we just won't come back, and we'll tell our friends not to even bother.

Vance is a "nerd"? Literally could not tell.

He's one of those angry, weird, gatekeeping nerds who gets angry when a gross girl wants to touch his Magic cards, then complains that no girls will talk to him.

He's all the weird things we've worked so hard to push out of the larger community of nerds that we all love.

He isn't a nerd, really. He's more of a chud.

[in-my-feels-probably]

This is for your celebration event.

The character I've chosen (romantically) is Lucy Gray Baird from TBOSAS. I love her because she's sweet, a great singer, beautiful, enjoys the outdoors, and seems like a genuinely good person. I love how she loves to be free and knows her way around the woods. I love how she sigs when she has something to say and not just to perform, even if she does love that too.

Me, well, I'm a southern bell lesbian who grew up on a farm and in the woods. I enjoy taking care of animals. I love reading and drawing during breaks. My favorite music genres are pop and folk. I have 5 dogs. I'm 5'3, have a ton of freckles, and short hair. That's really all I can think of for myself.

Thank you so much for reading my request. Have a Happy New Year. <33

hi!

thank you for participating :)

lucy gray would very much feel like you’re her twin flame. you’re so similar to each other, and the simple things that made her happy made you happy too.

she’s such a free spirit and an outspoken person. but she’s also gentle and loving and compassionate, and shed see pieces of herself in you. and the fact that those are things about her that you love, that would make her so happy because it’s the things about herself she values most.

she’d find you so endearing too. like absolutely adorable. with your (i’m assuming lol) accent, and your aesthetic, and your love for the outdoors and animals. you’d share so many hobbies, it wouldn’t be hard finding something in common for you to do together.

you’d ALWAYS go and watch her perform, whether it was on her own or with the covey. and you’d always love listening to her write songs, always doing your best to help her when she’d ask for your input.

—

you’d go down to the lake together, bringing her guitar along. you’d sit on the dock together, lucy gray’s head resting on your shoulder as she absentmindedly plucked the strings. you’d finally glance over at her, nudging her shoulder.

“hey…you alright?”

she’d perk up, quickly nodding. “i’m alright. why, do i not seem alright?”

“you seem a little…far away,” you’d say, gesturing to her guitar. “and you’ve been playing that same riff for about ten minutes now. it’s beautiful, but it sounds like your stuck. what’s wrong?”

“just can’t figure out what i’m trying to say, that’s all,” she’d murmur.

this was a problem she’d run across on occasion. but she was so talented, it never took her long to figure it out. and this one has been bothering her for a while now, so you decided to take her mind off of it for a little bit as you sat up straighter.

you’d smile, feeling a little bold. “say something about me, then. you haven’t done that yet.”

her cheeks would flush, but she’d chuckle, setting her guitar to the side. she’d hook a finger under your chin, smiling as she watched you shy away from her gaze. she’d hum, rubbing her thumb across your cheek.

“i’ve written plenty about you, darling. you just haven’t heard them yet.”

you’d grin, glancing down at her guitar. “well…i’m listening now?”

she’d smile with a light chuckle. “yes, you are.”

and just like that, she’d be back to her usual self, slipping her guitar back into her lap and playing a tune you had heard before but were just now getting the lyrics to.

—

thanks again for participating! i hope you liked this :)

[running-in-the-dark]

I had a conversation with my mother about making art, specifically painting, today. she's been trying to get back into it after quite a few years, and she's said something similar to me before but this still confuses me - she said she doesn't enjoy painting at all. the process isn't fun for her and she doesn't like the result and back when she used to paint more (usually on stuff like plates or furniture, and usually copying something exactly) the only part she liked was selling the product/giving it to the person who commissioned her/getting money for her work, basically.

it's just completely baffling to me that she still wants to keep trying it (as a hobby) then. I have (too) many hobbies and I enjoy them all, at least most of the time, or I just.. wouldn't do them? I don't understand why she wants to do this so badly when she's never enjoyed it, the process frustrates her, it stresses her out and so on. like, either do the thing you like (selling the stuff you paint) or just find something else that you do enjoy doing?!

though apparently this is how she feels about most things - she knits but doesn't like it, she reads books but that makes her fall asleep so she doesn't like it, she has the TV on most of the time but doesn't like that either. so maybe the hobby itself isn't the problem here.