#like... I know. This is how this power imbalance works but uhhhh

[nullians]

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[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 11

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: it's a new week

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Your phone buzzes against your leg, ripping you back to reality. Your eyes widen and drift away from the stream of font. You sit up and mark the page with your finger as you reach for the jittering cell. 

You scramble to grab onto it and hesitate to hit the big green button. The screen doesn't look like usual, not that you get many calls. You tap the button and the image changes at once, Bucky startling you as he appears. 

"Hey, doll," he grins and winks at you, moving the camera to lean against something. "How's it going?" 

"Uhhhh," you drone, surprised. He can see you too. You know by the little reflection of yourself in the corner. "Hi. Fine." You put the book down with no mind to losing the page, "um, you?" 

"You busy, doll?" 

"Reading but... no." 

"Mm," he hums, "glad to see you enjoying your treats but... no pajamas?" 

He steps back and you get a view of him from waist up, the edge of a counter in the lower edge. You pout then give a sheepish smile, "sorry, I haven't... had a chance." 

"That's okay, doll, I just wanted a peek before I went to work," he undoes his shirt button by button and pulls it off, revealing his muscular torso. You gulp at the lines of his muscle along his stomach, "why don't you put them on now and give me a look." 

"Oh, uh..." you glance at the wall. It's late. You're pretty sure Roxie already left for work and your mom will probably be settling down. "Right, uh..." 

"Just want something to think of when I walk the floor," he purrs. 

"Sure, er," you nearly choke, "I'll just-- one sec." 

"I can wait, doll. I've been waiting, haven't I?" He purrs. 

You feel a pang of guilt. You place the phone down so the lens faces the ceiling and climb off the bed. He's given you a lot, too much honestly, and now you feel like you owe him. It isn't fair to take his kindness without anything in return. And he isn't asking much, is he? 

You dig in the bag, the crinkle loud as the only other noise is the subtle movement from his end. You fish out the soft pajamas and peer over, making certain the phone is still flat. You change far away from it, paranoid. 

You look down at yourself in the tank and shorts. Oh gosh. It's a lot less than you usually wear. Your legs are showing, your shoulders, and a bit of your tummy. 

"Doll?" He says and you flinch. 

"I don't know... I don't think it fits." 

"I'm sure it fits just nice," he insists, "show me." 

"Oh, uh..." 

"I'm just looking, doll, I'll only think of what I really wanna do," he snickers. 

You cross back to the bed and pick up the phone, careful to stay out of view. You turn back and prop it up on the dresser, overly aware of the unflattering angle as you do. You give a wide-eyed look and back up so you're all in frame.  

You hug yourself shyly and sway. 

"Let me see ya," he orders. 

You put your arms straight and notice how he leans in to look at the screen, smoothing his hair back. He keeps his hands over his dark strands and growls. A flutter starts in your stomach. 

"What do you mean too small? That fits your perfect," he says. 

"I... really?" 

"Sure, doll," he turns and you realise he's getting ready.  

He combs his hair stands straight. He grabs a new shirt and buttons it as he peeks again. You near the camera and move it so he can only see your face.  

"Damn, doll, I'm gonna be all over the place," he says, "you're so sweet and sexy." 

"Bucky," you squeak.  

"I don't lie. That's the one thing you should know about me. I will always let you know exactly what I want." 

You blush hotly and a tap on the door nearly makes you drop the phone. You hide it behind you and shuffle closer. You clear your throat. 

"Uh, yeah?" You call through. 

"Hey, honey, everything okay in there?" She asks. Shoot, she must have heard you. 

"I'm watching something," your heart hammers, "sorry, I'll turn it down."

"It's alright, honey. Just thought I heard you..."

"No, just a show," you wisp out.

You quickly back away and go as far from the door as you can. You look down at the phone as Bucky tucks in his shirt. Ugh, that was embarrassing. He heard all that; surely he must realise how lame you are. 

"Mom sounds real sweet," he says, "must be where you get it." 

"She's working tomorrow. Don't wanna keep her up," you explain quietly. 

"That's too bad, doll. I'll just have to keep waiting... wanting," he shrugs and pulls on a dark jacket, "what do ya think? Look good?" 

He poses for the camera. He looks great, as always. You feel smaller than ever. 

"Yes," you answer softly. 

"Yes? That's it?" He sounds disappointed. 

"Very handsome," you eke out. 

"Handsome?" He squints as he picks up the phone. 

"Er," you search your repertoire and borrow from his, "sexy?" 

"Are you asking or telling me?" He chuckles. 

You giggle. You don't think you've ever told anyone they are sexy. You've never been that bold. 

"Yes." 

"Yes?" He laughs. 

"You're, er, oh, sexy," you touch your hot cheek and look away. 

"You are adorable, doll," he growls, "that's exactly what I need to hear." He grazes his fingertips over his beard, "unfortunately I gotta get on it so... tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow," you confirm. 

"Don't worry about a thing, doll, just bring your gorgeous self." 

🃏

The next day is restless. It's worse having hours to wait around for... what? You don't know. 

You spend your time reading, or trying to. Breakfast is small, what your roiling stomach can handle, and you put on an outfit that you think is acceptable, not that you have much to choose from. It might be strange if your mom or Roxie notice the lack of uniform. You could say you change at work? 

Ugh, lie after lie. It's all so much.  

You don't get very far in the book and your phone buzzes, a reminder from Bucky that your fate is coming. You grab your purse and sit out on the stoop, the sunlight beaming down. It would be a nice say if you were so damn uptight. 

Merv pulls up in the sleek luxury car and you get up, checking over your shoulder to see if there's any curious tug on the curtain. Your mom's already at work but Roxie is puttering around somewhere. She could be sleeping or not. 

Merv gets out to greet you. He opens the door and you thank him. He sits in the driver's seat and Springsteen drones from the radio. You smile as he shifts into gear. 

"I know this one," you say. 

"Of course, a classic," he praises. "And how are you today, miss?" 

"Good, you, sir?" 

He laughs as he steers, "very good, miss. And how could I not be." He peeks at you in the rear view, "with sunshine in my backseat." 

You smile bashfully and cross your legs. You can't help the shake in your foot. You're more and more nervous with each second and turn of the wheel. 

As if noticing your unease, he turns up the music, "I like this one too." 

You sigh and ease into the drumbeat. The tempo keeps your heartbeat in check. You're thankful for his subtle comfort. 

You turn to watch through the tinted windows. You never noticed how scenic this city is. You never went many places to have the chance. 

He keeps the volume up and you let it carry you through the long journey across the city. He pulls up to the casino and steers around to the hotel entrance. You peer through then back at him in confusion. He turns the knob down. 

"Mr. Barnes says to give your name at the desk," Merv instructs, "have a good day." 

"Thanks, you too," you unbuckle the seat belt and sidle across to the door. 

You get out with reticence. Staring up at the grand facade, you're more unsure than you've ever been. You've come this far, you have to keep going. You really have no choice as Merv slowly rolls away.  

You step forward. It doesn't get easier the further you get. Your pulse hammers behind your ear as you enter the lobby and a flash of deja vu overcomes you. That night with Roxie, the morning after, and everything since. How does it all feel as if it happened so fast and yet so long ago? 

You go to the desk, feeling entirely out of place. What if Merv is wrong and you shouldn't be there? What if they just look at you and laugh? No choice, keep going. 

You stop on the other side of the desk and give a stiff smile. 

"Hello, welcome, checking in?" The modelesque concierge asks. She's stunning and you're all the more self-aware. 

"Uh, I think? My name is..." 

She keeps her pristine smile in place and her eyes lights up. She doesn't even bother typing into her computer. She flits away and returns with one of little folders with the room keys inside. Oh, this is really happening. 

You thank her and slowly back away. You make a slow advance towards the elevator and wait beside a couple with their suitcases. You step on with them, avoiding a glimpse through the transparent walls.  

You unfold the folio and read the number, pushing the floor number, then stand back on your heels. You keep your eyes on the door, the motion alone making you dizzy. 

The couple gets off before you. When it's your floor, you thankfully scramble off and take a deep breath. You once more check the number and follow the hallways to your assigned suite. 

You swipe the card several times, you still don't have the hang of it. The door opens and you enter meekly. You focus on every move. Shut the door, slip the card back in the folder, put it down on the corner table. 

You look up at last and let yourself marvel at the suite as you delve further in. The smell of pollen greets you with a large bouquet of roses. The suite is huge, even bigger than last time. Two rooms just the same and a full kitchenette and spacious bathroom. You don't go onto the balcony, not wanting to test your stomach. 

You go back inside and glance over the table draped in a red tablecloth beneath the crystal vase of flowers. There's also a tray of chocolate-dipped strawberries and various colours of macarons. You've never had the delicate cookies before but you'd watch countless recipe videos, wishing on day to try them yourself. 

There's an envelope too. You take it and run your nail along the sealed flap. You open it carefully and slip out the card within. 

'Enjoy yourself, doll. I'll join you shortly. B.' 

As if on cue, there's a knock on the door. Oh gosh, you're not ready. What does he mean? Join you? You hoped for a little long before... before... 

You stand frozen but when the door doesn't open itself, you go to answer it. You slowly twist the long handle and open it just a crack. You peer around the edge and blink in confusion. 

"Hello, dahling," the woman's affectation drags out her syllables, "well look at you, how precious." 

She presses on the door and you let her force her way in. You're dumbfounded. Who the heck is she? Another long-legged beauty you can't compare too. 

"Lovely hair," she remarks as she closes the door without a care, "oh, and your skin, yes, perfect canvas..." 

"Sorry, er, I think you have the wrong room--" 

"Mr. Barnes sent me, dahling," she trills in her way, "and I see you are very much in need of my visit so let's begin. Mm, yes, I have a vision," she struts forward, a rose gold chest in her hand, "not very much, you have a natural lustre I adore." 

You retreat as she advances on you. She lifts her chest onto the chaise and flips back the lid, revealing an assortment of precisely organized palettes and tubes. You're horrified and humiliated as you realise why she's there. Maybe you aren't as pretty as Bucky keeps telling you. 

[beevean]

For the ask game, maybe Isaaculcard or Heculacard 😏

... oh man.

Isaaculcard is uhhhh doesn't make sense but compels me. Obviously Isaac is from another setting so there's already some heavy work to do to stick him between them (😏). While you explained well why Isaac and Dracul could fall for each other and it's lovely, I'm still not sure how to see Trevorcard, who at this point I've mostly studied through fanfics lmao. But anyway, as long as Isaac is happy with his vampire daddies, then I'm all for it lol

Heculacard. Ah. Well. It makes 2/3rds of sense. Dracula would be attracted to both of them because he's a needy piece of shit :) and Hector would reciprocate because he was groomed to do so. Hector and Alucard also have a very sweet, caring relationship in my mind, although I would like to always remember the inherent power imbalance between them. But you cannot pay me enough to convince me Alucard would feel any sort of love for his father lmao. dracard is nowhere near as interesting as gavor to me...

but since i'm a degenerate myself I could easily entertain some scenarios with them (like Hector dating both of them in a modern AU, or Hector being forced to serve both his Lord and his Prince maybe in a darker AU where Adrian did not rebel, or Dracula punishing them for having a tryst, really endless possibilities here) because oh man oh boy the symbolism of a father lusting for his sons because he sees them as extensions of his being and also because he desperately craves love and companionship and warmth and so parasitically feeds on them and sends them on a path of sin so that they might never leave him forbidding them the right to be their own people but instead morbidly clinging onto each other in a mess of grief just hits something, you know 👀

I also have thought... perhaps too much... about the fact that parent/child incest is inherent to vampire romance and reproduction, which blurs the lines even more. And I like to see Hector as the closest thing to a fledgling Dracula made :) which is also why gavor compels me quite a lot, since dracul and trevorcard are both father and son and sire and childe, making Trevorcard really one of Dracul's most personal creations. I guess I spared you a question then!

also i just love the mental image of hector banging both dad and son like the chad that he is fhdjkfhkjsdhfkjd

[its-been-rose]

May I ask who your headcannon couples are(or like who you think can work together?) and what trope they all are? AHHHHHHH I very much love your art btw!

Okay so I’m going to assume you’re referring to my Killer Frequency headcanons because I’m a KF blog so here goes

Also THANK YOU!! That means so much!!! I really do appreciate the support!

My headcanon couples range from practically canon to lmao what if.

The first couple is Marie and George. Yes, they’re canon, but lemme explain my headcanons for their dynamic. So basically they were originally the jock x nerd stereotype, but instead of Marie being that quiet geeky stereotype, Marie was excitable, energetic and peppy. George was quite shy around most other people except for people he knew, and really came out of his shell around her (and also around Jason whom he knew well). She was big into theater and suggested he try out for the play and he did and he found out he loved it so they just became a pair of little geeks in love doing everything together and not caring what other people were doing. But he still loved sports obviously and we all know how that ended up.

Next down is Leslie x Sara (the Deputy). Y’all you cannot tell me they do not have a thing. The way Leslie got flustered when she got caught calling Sara by her first name—— aaaaaaaaa. Ok so I think their dynamic would be like they’d both try to act super cool and professional but would just end up flirting constantly at work like a bunch of idiots lol. They’d each try to impress the other and they’d find it super cute.

Further down in the lmao what if category we’ve got Forrest and Sandra. This is only here because I thought the scene of Forrest aggressively trying to slide into Sandra’s DMs was HILARIOUS and they’re both older and I think they deserve each other lmao. Their dynamic would be like Forrest is the black cat and Sandra is the golden retriever. She needs someone to chill her out and he needs someone to put some fun in his life that’s NOT just sarcastically quipping at everything lol.

Next down is Eugene and Carrie. I don’t really have much evidence for this except for the fact that they both got hunted and maybe could like bond over their experiences lol. Idk I just think Eugene deserves a nice girl who will give him the time of day, and Carrie deserves a nice boy who won’t prank her (or go along with said prank) and will treat her RIGHT.

Other than that uhhhh maybe like Peggy and Ricky??? Maybe??? I don’t really see much of a romance there but like at least platonically they’d DEFINITELY be buddies. Also the age gap is a little big but also they’re both well into adulthood and it’s not CRAZY big like Forrest and Peggy would be and also there’s no power imbalance cuz they’re both kinda doing their own thing. Idk. Would Max like a step mom?

Feel free to chime in with your headcanons or pairings either anonymously in the asks or in the comments and we can chat about it lollll

[urmomsstuntdouble]

Uhhhh 🔥 with shipping?? I guess???

well you know define unpopular but i think that shipping is first and foremost about entertainment and telling a good story. problematic elements of any given ship should be looked at in two lenses- within the context of the characters and the universe they exist in, and how the tropes involved in their characters and the work they're written into influence their perception/dynamics/etc. that is to say, anything problematic and conflict inducing that exists within the relationship- such as a large age gap or an abusive past- are not as important as how the text and characters are situated in real life, if that makes sense? like uhh.....if there was a relationship with a large age gap, i think that it would be problematic in real life, because yeah that's fucking gross and weird. but the characters involved aren't real, they don't exist outside words on a page/screen and the collective consciousness of those who have read them, and the point of their existence is to be entertaining. so yes, a ship may have a gross age gap, but that may be part of their entertainment value. this isn't to say that i approve of every problematic element in shipping, because art and reality are very much intertwined, but like. idk its more complicated than something fictional being gross because x. i also think that the author's intentionality has a big part to play in how problematic something is? because if an author wrote something that they believe to be healthy but is actually a very abusive and unhealthy and otherwise fucked up relationship, that's a very different thing from someone intentionally creating dark content for the entertainment value. im not really sure how to voice all this, but when it comes to problematic elements of shipping, you can't really say something is problematic on the basis of one single factor about the ship. for example (tw pedophilia), in my original work, there's a character called sathe who gets into a relationship with an adult while they're a young teenager. it is deeply unhealthy due to power imbalances and that's the point! it's not meant to encourage people to do this in real life, but because people can read whatever they want into a text, who knows if it will?

this is getting to be very long, but yeah. i do believe there are problematic and non problematic ships, although most are at an undulating shade of gray that varies based on each individual consumer

[masked-disciple]

6-15 for the proship ask meme??? 👀

6) what kind of “problematic” ships you like?

Incest is such a good one, so is enemies to lovers and tbh quite a bit of the underage, because teenagers be stupid and hormonal and that's good for the emotional mess we like.

7) what kind of “problematic” tropes you like to put your ships through?

Consensual brainwashing is fun. So is sex pollen [coughcoughOstara] and who can forget, underage is great for the 'first time and everyone's embarrassed and trying to act like they have their shit together but they're all immature and start giggling whenever they see a dick'. :p

8) a character you think did nothing wrong but fandom demonizes?

Gemini Aspros, obviously. :p Also Minos, we love our griffon-girl.

9) a character that did a lot of things wrong in canon that you think fandom woobifies?

[glares @ Sage] Oi you asshole.

10) what is your favorite “problematic” fandom?

Deep-Sea Prisoner's works! Insofar that it's the only really problematic fandom I'm into, I'm very picky.

11) is there a fandom that ever made you think “how are there antis in this fandom, why are they even into this”?

Also Deep-Sea Prisoner's works. :p Seriously. This lass has literally every problematic trope. I think the only one she doesn't actually hit is shota porn, but that's because Licorice, a canon toddler, sometimes just ages himself up to be an adult and then he goes and sleeps with his mom. Who is a boy and got pregnant anyway. I don't think she's ever done porn of Licorice when not aged up? But then again, Wadanohara is over a century old but because she's usually chibified, apparently she's still a loli and thus child coded and there's been canon porn of her blah blah blah.

You know how many 'DSP critical' blogs I've blocked? So fucking many. I don't get it. How are they here. Genuinely, what do they like about being here. They literally harassed DSP off of tumblr for drawing a canon ship, that had been in WatGBS for over a decade, because that canon ship started with noncon.

How antis exist, I don't know.

12) have you ever had to leave a fandom because of all the antis in it?

[cries in not being active in the DSP fandom because I don't fucking trust any of them]

13) are you a villains fan?

YES. I mean, you know that, but hehehe evil sexy man gud. :p

14) favorite “unproblematic” ship?

I... I want to say Dohko/Kagaho??? I really do??? Literally every other ship we have is somehow problematic, but also, they're rivals to lovers?

The Ptolomea OT3 is unproblematic, but Minos is 'child-coded' and also knowing each other's fate is clearly problematic and uhhhh, Albafica's memory issues makes it ableist to folks with dementia. Gatelutemas is out, there's age gap and power imbalances and Artemas kills too many people when he's mad. Fyodor and Leona would probably get classed as bestiality if we asked antis. Most Spectre ships are villains and thus immediately problematic.

Wait.

Degel/Fluorite is unproblematic.

I think? I don't actually know how old Fluorite was. I know Degel was-

fuck he was seventeen it's underage. Riiiiiiiiip. xD

15) something cool about the last thing you watched/read/listened to!

Last piece of media I watched was actually Hermitcraft last night! And arguably that's RPF since the line between actor and character is very blurred. I like Hermitcraft because it's very peaceful with some shenanigans, and they just started the new season which is already fun as all hell.

That being said, Mumbo made his starter base a hippie campsite and literally programmed a switch to play Wonderwall when he hit it. It took him like six hours. I admire the man's dedication.

[starryskylullaby]

some uhhhh.....thoughts about asra & his route.

alright, listen....i wanna love asra i rly do i rly rly do but wow this route so far is making me just ' >8T ' over and over i'm grinding my teeth over some of this and it's driving me nuts. like, julian's route has absolutely ruined me for this, i'll be real here, but also....even if i hadn't played him first, i think this would aggravate me??

please god don’t click this cut if you’re not ready for some salt and side-eyeing and a LOT of speculation.

soooo....asra keeps withholding information and saying he doesn't think MC is ready and then literally confesses to wiping MC’s memory?? esther is sweet, but she's not the most trusting. ( i’m using her for a lot of this just because honestly she’s my POV for headcanons with this game ) she wants to trust asra, but this is all putting her on edge. she DOES have feelings for him, i won't lie about that; like starting out i think she does have feelings for him in any of the routes and she wants to know him better--but then me personally? lines like 'oh you always get into trouble but i always come to help you' when asra knows she has no memories of things like this and has that power over her....that's putting me off. he knows more about her than she knows about herself and it feels...icky...for him to be feeding her information like this. he’s placed himself in the role of her teacher/master so that gives him authority over her--you’re supposed to trust teachers, feel safe with them, and so esther would have no reason to think ‘oh he’s not being straightforward with me about things’ and that just really skeeves me out. i appreciate that asra loves her, and that he's been trying to take care of her and keep her safe, but this is the other side of that: when someone is trying so hard to keep you safe that it turns into just coddling and worse, grooming.

and then there's the fact that he's been withholding and even DELETING this information from her--he's literally told her he erased her memories of struggling to remember things, and like...dude what? then he says 'well maybe i needed help to make it work' like uhhhh....so then in all of that time if you really wanted her to remember, why not talk to her? why not try and explain that this could be painful and hard but the situation is what it is and she could help him make it right--why wait until she's literally got you in a corner over it?

julian and esther were on equal footing. they were both confused, both missing memories, both struggling with things they didn't know and wanted to understand, about themselves and each other and this situation they found themselves in. they came together to help one another, and they grew together, and fell in love together. they fell in love without those memories, without the past to help or hinder them. they were blank slates and they still chose each other and realized they loved one another--and when they found out the truth about their past they still chose to grow from it. it was all equal, it was all mutual and earnest and open. they talked about their feelings. they help one another become better, stronger, and they evolve together. it's not one fixing the other or one becoming better than the other.

but with asra...he's keeping you in the dark literally to suit him? like that's how this comes off, 'don't remember so i can keep you ignorant and safe with me, because that's obviously what's best for you' he holds the power. it's a huge imbalance and he keeps. feeding. into it. 'if you remember too much it could damage you beyond repair' 'i did it because i didn't want you to be in pain' 'i'm always there to save you' he's making it so you rely on him and i'm....repulsed and fascinated by it. like that's some heavy manipulation stuff, and playing a character like esther is making me really have to confront like 'maybe i personally see through some of this but would she...?' and i don't wanna just let her fall into that, but if she'd never gotten involved with julian then she'd still be pursuing the feelings she had for asra, and she might really believe all of this and trust him about it :/ like.....even more so when she finds out in this route that asra is the one who brought her back to life, that’s.... > falls in love with girl > girl dies > brings girl back to life > for whatever reason, keeps past from girl until cornered into answering there are a LOT of gaps to fill in there, but like... the fact that asra brings her back to life and then won’t tell her anything and is really pumping the breaks on her remembering things makes me incredibly uncomfortable with him as a love interest. and like...imo that reads like ‘asra fell in love with esther/MC, they didn’t love him back, they died, and he brought them back to life and then coddled them and hid their memories of their past from them in the hopes that things might turn out differently this time’ which is really a pretty classic/common romance trope....if asra was the antagonist. and this is me just spitballing but if you don’t want someone to remember things, people, then there’s...usually a reason for it. so in this instance, especially given the events during the plague and his anger at julian for your death, it kiiiiinda feels like it’s leaning towards ‘MC was in love with julian instead of asra and asra didn’t want MC to remember that’. take that as you like.

and like, beyond all of this, i still do like asra as a character! like, objectively he’s fascinating. fun fact about me: i’m coming to this fandom from the star wars fandom, and like...legit, first thoughts i had about asra when i started his route: ‘holy shit he’s just the arcana version of anakin skywalker’ and like, imo, that’s not a BAD thing--i loved anakin and i do like asra, as much shit as i give him. plus, the chance to use some anidala parallels is always fun--but is that a healthy relationship model...? no. so i’m hoping you can confront some of this further into asra’s route and maybe get some answers and some real talk in with him about all of it, but right now i’m just like wow this is. not what i was expecting given how much the fandom seems to adore asra. ( then again i’m fresh from fandoms where people either love or hate this kind of character so my reaction might be more surprised than it ought to be. )

[tcmpcral]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

REPOST. Don’t reblog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse?

the only one i have a ship in mind for is majora, and that’s with shosa tbh :v i’m sliiiightly drawn toward shipping basil with roh, but not really. i just like the fanart i’ve found shrugs it’ll never be A Thing on this blog bc i’m too attached to roh/bergamo being a thing instead and basil viewing roh as a substitute parent figure of some kind

.....actually i am drawn toward lavender/hop, but it could be platonic tbh

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

uhhhh. a lot of things, really. i don’t care about bad break-ups or misunderstanding plots or anything that wouldn’t be out of place on some dumb domcom fjfjdka or a romcom. i can’t stand things like that. i also. irl am grossed out by kissing, so if a thread does go that way, i’d prefer to keep any descriptions vague

otherwise, just about anything goes

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

for mortal/normal-aging characters, it depends. i’m not personally comfortable shipping with characters who are in the 18-23 age range unless both characters are in or very close to that age range (so, yes, i will ship basil with others around his age). otherwise, i’m very easily squicked out by large age gaps of. idk, 15 years or so depending on the age of the younger party and the life experience they’ve had, bc experience matters as well

basically, the more there is to lessen the power imbalance, the better

Are you selective when shipping

yes, mostly. i ask for chemistry, both IC and OOC

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

for me, it’s when you start describing genitals and particularly when you start describing. doing things. to genitals lmao even if all the clothes are still on, if something’s still going on underneath them, it needs to be under a readmore for my own blog

Who are other muses you ship your muse with

so far, none

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

not necessarily. sometimes it just. Happens. but i’m not at all opposed to chatting OOC about shipping our muses without actually having them interact IC yet. and if you want to ship, you might have to make your intentions clear to me bc there’s a good chance i’ll miss them otherwise rip sometimes i notice if a pair of muses gets along really nicely and think ‘hmmm’ but other times it just passes me by

How often do you like to ship?

pretty often

Are you multiship?

absolutely

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

i flip flop between the two rip even if we do ship, i will need threads in between romantic ones that are platonic or AU or something to mix it up or i’ll get burned out rip 

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

beerus/whis, bergamo/roh, kuru/roh coughs lots of ships involving roh bc he’s my main muse these days

Finally, how does one ship with you?

memes, come at me and start chatting, you name it :v

[acidmanticore]

Hello it's 1am and I've randomly remembered (and realized) some traumatising shit from my childhood and now I'm kinda angry because it did impact me A LOT, and the part that makes me unhappy the most is that it was the past of the reason I've had to learn how to feel and express emotions adequately at the age of 21 and btw it's still work in progress.

So now when everyone who didn't want to read about someone else's problems left, let me rant.

ONE MORE TIME: IT'S LITERALLY TRAUMA DUMPING AND CAN BE TRIGGERING

So my mom and her second husband both hate loud sounds. Because reasons (both valid).

I was taught noone is going to talk to me if I'm crying, unless I'm physically hurt and need immediate help because I'm bleeding. Any other crying should not exist. Want to cry - go to your room, close the door and cry there, but crying too loud will be called "performing for public" and considered a manipulation. Ok. But apparently crying AT ALL should not be seen, so even when I've learned to cry without a sound (still can't do it with the voice), I was still kicked out. Not just my parents - my grandparents to, and they've had some sayings like (those a rhymed in russian): Crybaby - wax, shoe polish, hot pancake on the nose, rotten cabbage. .... That's really weird in English, but you've got what I mean. I still can't cry with the voice, I still keep stone face when I'm crying and I can talk perfectly because my voice doesn't change, and even sound like I'm smiling, I can fucking laugh and sound natural. I still need to bolt out of the room so noone can see me crying.

But that wasn't the thing I've remembered. That's the thing I knew about for a long time because suppressing the manifestations of negative emotions is a common thing.

Oh, also raising my voice, crying or shooting out of anger would be called an "emotional immaturity". Who tf cares that I was a teenager. It's fine for teens to answer "nothing" to the questions "how do you feel", right? Completely fucking fine. Funny thing: my classmates that I kinda hated were actually the only people who NOTICED and told me that feeling absolutely nothing on main is not okay. I've ignored them. Probably shouldn't have. But I thought it was another "girls/normal girls/normal people don't do that" - "well, I don't care, because I do" situation. The fact that I was actually depressed did not occurred to me even after s*icide attempt that I've, well, survived and managed to hide all the evidence from the family. Yes, years and years of self-h*rm also didn't ring an alarm. I thought it was normal. I thought it was what you're supposed to feel. That "nothing" is a synonym for "normal". I've realised I have depression at 21 and went to the psychiatrist at 23. Got off pills two years after with a remission. IT COULD TAKE SO LITTLE TIME FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! IF SOME FUCKING ONE ADULT GAVE A SHIT and I was less sneaky in hiding am the cuts and not leaving blood stains on my clothes. And you know. When your child is quiet, it's good, right? Not irritating. Just went into their room for a few minutes, who cares. Or stuck in the bathroom for an hour - it's a girl with long thick curly hair, of course it takes long. Tiny drop of blood on the floor? Probably on her period, better wash it off and pretend it wasn't there.

Thing I've remembered about was laughter.

So when I hit 14 me and my mom's second husband started to have PROBLEMS that were based on power imbalance. He was working for month and living home for another, so when he wasn't home I was kind of "the man". Also I had no fear and no sense of authority. Well, I knew he's kind of in charge (except when mom has different opinion). But like, TECHNICALLY, he's the "manly man" and all that alfa shit. So we could not interact. At all. Because all our interactions resulted in war, and I was a teen that had no rights or say here (from his point of view, mom did listen to me, problem - I didn't want to talk to her) and mom didn't like all of that so I've just moved on the other side of the room and were living in the couch corner with my laptop and headphones. Basically hoping noone just fucking talks to me.

I would read something, watch movies, shows, anime. For some time I was working with a translating team (we were translating webtoons and manga). Normal staff for a teenager, right?

Except one thing.

I've liked comedy. Because if your life is an absolute shit and all the emotions you usually have are silent mental breakdowns when you can't even cry because read above so it's just sitting on the floor looking into space while inside your head you're just screaming, rolling on the floor and tearing your skin off and hitting yourself (but only inside your head, because doing this irl is immature and performance on public), you really need something funny and good and dumb and warm.

"Why are you so loud?" "Hey, what are you laughing at?" "Laughing without reason is a sign of an idiot" "Can you be less loud?" "Hey, you're okay? *sarcastically* Maybe, you know? Call the psychiatrist? You're laughing too much" "Well, it's time to put her in mental hospital".

When I've asked if I'm not allowed to laugh anymore they've just laughed themselves because they thought it's a funny joke.

Yes, it might've sounded weird, because I was watching everything with headphones, so they couldn't hear what I'm laughing at, BUT GOD FUCKING HELP ME if I've tried to watch something without them.

I wasn't allowed to. It's loud. To much noise. No. Only person who can watch with sound is mom.

Well, later they've let my sister watch her stuff without headphones. But not me. It was set: in sitting in the corner of the couch in my headphones and making no sound.

So yeah.

I'm very uncomfortable with laughing out loud too.

I'm working on it.

I'm learning emotions.

I'm learning how to FEEL then and not just portray for the occasion.

About uhhhh year and a half? Two years ago? I've learned/remembered how smile actually feels.

It's nice.

If you've actually read all of that: thank you. And I'm sorry you've had to read this.