#like. the tension must be so awk

[cavennmalore]

the fact that cassius alden and grady are coworkers? i know that work gossip goes crazy.

[samuelroukin]

hello! turn fic anon. i'm asking because there's specially a CRIMINAL lack of simcoe fics :( with a ship from the show or otherwise. i get that getting the settign and vocab right must be a pain tho haha it's more specific than with other fandoms.

(also i read your gaz x price fic and it was PERFECT specially the tension during and the bit after gaz blurted out "daddy". as a price boy i thank you for your service *salutes*)

the main reason i haven’t read anything from turn yet (sorry ben/caleb) 😔 but he’s hard to ship too, and from what i saw there’s a few with hewlett or anna, or reader inserts, none of which i’m really into. i still need to watch s4 tho so maybe that changes! if i were to write anything i’d probably go for simcoe/andre despite their limited interactions, they were fun together

lskdjfjfksksft im glad you liked that! i really tried to balance the ‘yikes this is awk but also hot’ and i wasn’t sure it worked lol. i do have more planned for them 👀

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [stories of the gals getting ready at a mad early time like ???] Janis: they know the party really starts at midnight, yeah? 🤔 Jimmy: they know they'll be 🎃 or 🐀s by then, gotta get all the selfies they can before the clock strikes, obvs Jimmy: REAL question is do I have time to tattoo anti-Tory slogans across my whole body before her dad comes back to see me ✨ or not Janis: Tag yourself, 🎃 or 🐀, you're clearly the 🎃 Janis: duh, you've got the ink, I'll bring the needle Janis: easy Jimmy: 'cause I'm SO 😁 about this party, near as 🎃 Jimmy: what can I write to let him know my truest feelings about lawyers? 🤔🤔 Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: weren't just calling you fat with a dodgy spray tan Janis: though it does sum up half the clan so 👏🏆 Janis: VERY working class Janis: perfect Jimmy: but if the 👠 fits, yeah? I get it Jimmy: only #DRAMA'll be if Ian rates them an' all Jimmy: I'd have to ❌ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or chuck a 👗 on to go with them 👠 Janis: SO many men, SO many ways to please 'em/piss 'em off 😤😰 Janis: and the shoe don't fit you babe, sort of the whole point Janis: 👸✔ Jimmy: 😘😘😘 Jimmy: just carry it about so I can start a 🥊 nowt more common than a chipped tooth and black eye Janis: be PLENTY of candidates for a smack Janis: not sure if there'll be many who could get one in though Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 have to get my mascara running another way, huns Janis: 🤢 Janis: you when your gag reflex kicks in Jimmy: SHOULD I spray tan? Tell me honestly Janis: 😬 Jimmy: go on, what one do you use? looks well natural Janis: 😏 Idiot Janis: @ my sister 'cos hers ain't Jimmy: oh right, fancy dress 🥳 is it? Jimmy: THANK GOD you said Janis: if you ain't gone anywhere more exotic than Skerries for the break, you've GOT to pretend hun Jimmy: brb painting myself Janis: remember to do the backs of your legs Janis: don't wanna match Asia Jimmy: how many 🥊 do you reckon to knock her 🦷🦷 out? Jimmy: can't do no 🥇 twinning with them there Janis: could do it under 5 but you might lose more fingers Jimmy: o wi no f Jimmy: mysterious Janis: you what? Jimmy: it'll ruin daddy's favourite tattoos but Jimmy: the 😎🚬 Janis: oh Janis: pftt Janis: you'll have a few years before you've ruined it with all the coffee machine burns Jimmy: such a relief, that Janis: what's more 💪 #ladladlad than various injuries Jimmy: tah for letting me know before my rib has healed and I've pissed away all the content I could've had Janis: I mean, that's why he does it yeah Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: bit late for any dickhead to try to toughen me up Jimmy: wrong location an' all Janis: you're tough enough Janis: some would say you look rough in that 👗👠 Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I'm well busy turning myself into that Bargain Hunt bloke Janis: *budget HUN Jimmy: give me a break, Jodie, it's happening on mine in the CG 🚽 Janis: busy working boss babe, I get it Janis: I'm busy too, tah Jimmy: doing what? Janis: 🐕🏃 Janis: people wanna get ready/get pissed without worrying about their pooches, who knew Jimmy: I get it🎇🎆'll start and they'll all shit themselves, helps if they've already done a 💩 Janis: that, and I doggy drug them so Janis: everyone's 😁 Jimmy: except Ian, he'll be 💔😭🎻 you ain't poisoned ours for the night Janis: There really is no pleasing some people Jimmy: @ Sharon in a bit Janis: when she's had enough seccys to spill the good goss Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🗨 about as good as the time he'll be threatening her with Janis: Ick Janis: I hate this night Jimmy: subtle hint and challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll turn it round for you, girl Janis: you ain't competing with much but Janis: go ahead Jimmy: 👍 Janis: need a thumb in the middle gladiator style Jimmy: bit rude Janis: I'll decide your fate, that's not necessarily rude Jimmy: which one's the 💀💀💀 one? Janis: 👎 I think Janis: but you'll be 👍 so maybe we need to switch it Jimmy: don't need to be fluent at signing to come up with a signal Jimmy: I'll make it really obvious for you when I want you to do it Janis: gun through the roof of your mouth is a bit obvious to the rest of the party-goers though, remember Jimmy: you want subtle you can have subtle Janis: I want you to do what you want Janis: if we're not enjoying fucking up their party, what's the point Jimmy: I don't do nowt I don't want Jimmy: far as this goes Jimmy: enough of that bollocks everywhere else Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: and I meant what I said Jimmy: not actually 😁 but Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: yeah Janis: we're 🥇 Janis: it's them having the 💩 time Jimmy: already Jimmy: [group chat highlights] Janis: 😏 Janis: do we know which of them is bringing a victim? Jimmy: Asia DUH Jimmy: Tammy's the only one who had me #SHOOK Janis: bullshit Janis: be SO awks when her fake boyf doesn't show Jimmy: be so 💔 when it ain't a full set no more Jimmy: even 💀#2's spreading it about that there's a lad she wants to 💋 Janis: 😂 either you or her is lying now Janis: I'll place my bets Jimmy: insider tip, it ain't me Jimmy: I'd NEVER lie to you, sweetheart Janis: 💕 Janis: does it make Mia 😁 or 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 REALLY though Janis: that's the question Jimmy: my 💰's on 😁 when it don't happen Janis: that's with any of them 👑 Janis: thinks she's the 👸 of the story Jimmy: who's she faking it is? that's the real question Jimmy: remind me how many brothers you've got again Janis: just the 1, that's easy to remember, keep up Jimmy: if he were gonna brainwash himself into a new sexuality, she'd DEFINITELY be who for Janis: ✨ she ain't Janis: god bless Jimmy: 🙄 back to ootds, fuck's sake Asia Janis: Do you wanna see mine now or be pleasantly surprised later Jimmy: Do you want me to chuck this ☕ over the dickhead who ordered it or what? Janis: surely that goes without saying Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: [some lewk you won't be able to serve 'cos god damnit we deserve it] Jimmy: shit Janis: tell Asia she may as well stay home then? Jimmy: [does but in a way that's like loved up and #goals not like fuck you gals obvs] Jimmy: when did you sort that? Jimmy: it weren't the other day, I'd have 👀 Janis: would you? you were pretty distracted Janis: I had it way at the back of my wardrobe though Jimmy: Oi, don't be doubting my dedication to 🛍 Janis: you're well dedicated to the try-on, I know Jimmy: I know what matters, yeah Janis: you're gonna have time to get all your glitter on, yeah? Jimmy: I'll make time, LITERALLY see above for why, like Janis: Priorities, baby Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: I'll let you get on with spilling more coffee over more dickheads then Janis: 🕖 will fly Jimmy: you're the dickhead Janis: oi Jimmy: you are Janis: how am I? Jimmy: you know how Jimmy: you're gonna just 💀💀💀 me and piss off? Janis: You're not 💀💀💀 Jimmy: it feels like I could Janis: that's how I want you to feel Janis: do you want me to apologize? Jimmy: I want Janis: you want Janis: ❓ Jimmy: you here Janis: I want that too Janis: but I can't Janis: both busy Jimmy: that's why you're a dickhead Janis: blame your manager Janis: and these dogs Jimmy: they're not sending me 📷 Jimmy: looking so fucking Janis: should hope no Janis: t* Janis: your DMs are full enough without that blatant competition Jimmy: would explain the TENSION and shite shifts Janis: oi Jimmy: never said I were gonna give him any 😍 or 💌 back Janis: 😣 Janis: will have to ask to see your manager to fuck him up Jimmy: I get that you're just making sure my 😍 stay yours but I can't help falling for it Janis: Gotta do what I gotta do Janis: even if it means Karen-ing out Jimmy: not too busy for that? Janis: never too busy for a brawl Janis: um, defending your honour, I mean Jimmy: priorities Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Baby Janis: you ARE my priority Jimmy: *🐕🏃💰 Janis: what are you doing right now Janis: ☕💰 Jimmy: difference is I could and would be able to still ☕🎨 if I had you here on this counter an' all Jimmy: 🐕s ain't letting you do owt but 🏃 Janis: Trying to work out if you want me to give you the chance to prove that or not Jimmy: you think I've got owt to prove? Janis: Not to me Jimmy: who else? Jimmy: you're the only one I'm bothered about Janis: then Jimmy: then what? Janis: If I get time Janis: and get rid of all these dogs at a point Janis: I could try to come in Jimmy: 🚫🤞 Jimmy: but Janis: I know Janis: it's bullshit but Janis: I mean that I'll try Jimmy: it's not nowt that you mean that Janis: I am doing the route 'round mine though Janis: typically Janis: so it will take me a while regardless Jimmy: I'll be here ages Jimmy: maybe he wants to make his move after I've flipped the sign to closed Janis: doesn't he know we're the only ones allowed to be cliche Jimmy: knows nowt unless it's written in the work groupchat Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: kind of you Janis: I could just pull up on him Jimmy: STOP OMG 🤤🤤🤤😍😍 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [a selfie with the manager in the background and he's drawn a 🎯 on him like] Janis: [finger gun selfie like pew pew] Jimmy: alright, don't keep reminding me how fit you are Janis: heaven forbid ANYONE forgets Janis: gonna take SO many selfies tonight Jimmy: Oi Janis: *couple goals selfies Jimmy: 📷's my job, dickhead Jimmy: don't matter if I'm in 'em or not Janis: so possessive about your 📸 Jimmy: bollocks am I, I've offered to lend it loads of times Janis: must be the muse then Jimmy: she is 🥇 Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: but I could teach you 📸 there's nowt you could teach any dickhead about how you're 🥇 Janis: 📸 not the only thing you're 🥇 at Jimmy: there's a list you've got, so I've heard Janis: more than a maybe Janis: ✔ Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you can have another Janis: at midnight Janis: better than a 💋 from a drunk randomer Jimmy: you're still gonna kiss me though Jimmy: ! and ? Janis: look weird if I didn't Jimmy: if you don't wanna I'll arrange to be 😭😭😭 in the 🚽 with Ella and Tammy Janis: highly doubt #2 has the energy to fake tears, let alone produce 'em Jimmy: just me and the tiktok 👑 then Jimmy: bit weird and cosy but Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: *💔 you mean Janis: you know I want to Jimmy: you have to, I'm turning the night round for you, as promised Janis: and that's your answer, yeah? Jimmy: if your question's how I'm gonna do it, I ain't gonna answer Jimmy: ⏲ and 👀 Janis: alright Janis: not promising patience Jimmy: I know what you're like, it's alright Jimmy: nowt if not used to that, me Janis: sound more put upon Janis: dickhead Jimmy: UGHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: there you go Janis: ha ha Janis: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣** there YOU go Jimmy: **🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you'll do yourself an injury Jimmy: not ANOTHER one 🎻 Janis: you brought it up, that time Janis: let the record show Jimmy: but it's you who's making it sound like I need to chuck a load of fragile stickers on my head Jimmy: good job it's massive Janis: I am not Jimmy: 👌 girl Janis: get in the group chat if you wanna chat like that Janis: BOY Jimmy: never left, I'd be GUTTED to miss one of Asia's POSSIBLE ootds Janis: stay in there Jimmy: [sends her the worst of these lewks] Janis: What's she going for with that... Janis: I? Jimmy: 🐧? Jimmy: hang on, no, it's OBVS 🦨 Janis: the slaggy one from Bambi Jimmy: very on brand of her Janis: interesting theme Janis: bit characters from retro disney Jimmy: 💀👑 must've sorted it Jimmy: ☠🍎's on brand for her Janis: she thinks the queen but definitely the crone Jimmy: don't she eat the lass' 💘 in the 📖? have to get her calorie counter app out Janis: actually a pigs heart so factor that in, babe Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: so much fat Janis: don't fancy it any more on the way back up Jimmy: I don't fancy my 🍪🧁🥐 no more, tah for that, mate Jimmy: gonna look so skinny in a bit now Janis: **less fat Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: ILY 2 BABES 💖🙌 Jimmy: such BFF goals, us Janis: rival 💀👑 n #2 Jimmy: 👏👏🥀 Janis: is she still with my brother or what Jimmy: dunno Jimmy: been a bit busy telling Asia she's dead brave for going with that 👗 Janis: 😏 Janis: shame she's thick enough to be expecting the 🥇 in the post Jimmy: I'll ask 💀👑 if she's doing a couple's outfit if #2 answers we'll have ours about your brother Janis: 💡 Janis: can't accuse you of the same today Jimmy: [sends her whatever the answer is] Janis: [probably should still be together for the drama and we're not committing you to ages here so] Janis: 😒👌 Jimmy: you'll have even more fun ruining it Janis: yeah Janis: we will Jimmy: 💔 we can't steal the 🎤 off her with some MASSIVE announcement Janis: we could fake one but fake calling off the engagement is more hardcore than fake break up, remember that Jimmy: don't worry me Jimmy: every dickhead knows LDRs don't work Janis: neither does teen marriage Janis: not #goals either Jimmy: What then? 🏠🔑? 🐕? Janis: fucked if I know Jimmy: ✈️ tickets 👋 Janis: yeah Janis: that's never not Janis: and easy to fake Janis: easy for us, anyway Jimmy: 👍 Janis: where we fake going then Jimmy: Where do you wanna go? Janis: 🍸🛍💃☕✨ OBVS Janis: but we should say your hometown Janis: most believable Janis: awh factor is a bonus Janis: you'll have 📸s Jimmy: you sure? Jimmy: nowt #goals about being there Janis: the #trust is the #goals bit Janis: anyway, you aren't going to have an actual break from CG for a million years so Janis: only a long weekend, all we have to do is hide the whole time, what's not to 💕? Jimmy: I get it, this is 'cause I said that whatever we do is #goals Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll make it look 🍸🛍💃☕✨ Janis: Sure you can Janis: don't you think it's a good idea Janis: could go over dead cheap, no one is going to think it's a stretch Jimmy: it'll do Janis: no one'd give me sympathy for my fake miscarriage so Janis: yeah, have to Jimmy: know our audience Janis: any bitch with half a brain'd reckon it 🍀 to get away with the sob story not the unwanted brat Jimmy: don't need any fake kids to raise an' all, got enough on with the real ones Janis: exactly Janis: be well rude of me Jimmy: bag of sugar'd just disappear into my tea Jimmy: near enough a murder Janis: 💀 there's slow n painful and then there's that Jimmy: bit bored of the rumours going about but Jimmy: end up with some right weirdos in my DMs if we went with that Janis: you rate the ones you got now then? Jimmy: as harmless enough Jimmy: the only 💀💀💀 pact I want is the one we have Janis: right answer Jimmy: I'll give you loads more of them before tonight's over with Janis: I'll give you whatever you like Janis: can't promise it'll be what you wish for at midnight but Jimmy: what you're NOT a 🧠📖? Janis: I am, OBVIOUSLY Janis: just don't think I can get it done, soz Jimmy: ? Janis: 🤫 Janis: can't reveal my secrets Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: mm 😏 Jimmy: did fall for how mysterious you are so Janis: that's the story Jimmy: 💕 Janis: who HASN'T fallen for my mystery, that's the question Jimmy: if this were a film or something one of them dogs would've cocked his leg on you as that sent Janis: rude Janis: if it was a film, I'd bump into a 😒 man and he'd be so unimpressed and I'd be so 😳 Jimmy: that murderer from a bit ago popping back Janis: 🙏 Jimmy: come bump into me, there ain't a more 😒🌧 about Janis: *Bill trying to get the story back on track Jimmy: I promise you'll be SO 😳 Janis: you're Janis: distracting me Jimmy: you started it Janis: you asked for it Jimmy: I will if it means I can have it Janis: try it then Jimmy: please Janis: yep Janis: okay Janis: let me just Jimmy: just hurry up, please Janis: I am Janis: you don't need to keep saying it and killing me Jimmy: [a voice memo to keep saying it and killing her obvs] Jimmy: do I not? alright Janis: I hate you a bit Jimmy: only 🤏? Janis: only? Janis: this doesn't feel like only Jimmy: so how much do you really hate me? Janis: so fucking much Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: got loads of ideas, me Jimmy: done nowt but think about you since I got here Janis: taking it despite the obvious Jimmy: where you obviously are on the fuming scale, yeah Janis: the obvious fact that your job is boring and so are your customers Jimmy: and co-workers Janis: your girlfriend ain't working then Jimmy: bit rude to call Pete a lass, his hair ain't even that long Janis: not who I meant but I'd know if he was in you'd be 😍 and ignoring me Jimmy: who did you mean? Janis: idk her name Janis: hillary Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: loads of dickheads have called in sick, bit weird that Janis: so strange Janis: going about, that Jimmy: she's probably one, whoever you mean Janis: hannah? Janis: lucy? Janis: you know who I mean Jimmy: I don't Janis: ugh Janis: the one that gave me evils Jimmy: her? ain't seen her since then Jimmy: assumed you'd murdered her Janis: fuck around and find out Jimmy: how'd you do it then? Janis: made her drink some bleach instead of putting it on her head for once Janis: easy Jimmy: Bill must've been chuffed to bits Janis: his idea, if anyone asks Jimmy: should've used a dagger if you wanted him to take the fall Jimmy: #obsessed Janis: didn't float one to me in time Janis: his own fault Jimmy: part timer Janis: thought you were accusing me Jimmy: you're not a piss poor 👻 Janis: tah Janis: 💕 Jimmy: far as your 🧛 rating goes Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: see the evidence of that Janis: speaks for itself so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: I don't have the teeth or owt and I've done as decent of a job Jimmy: that speaks for itself an' all Janis: speaks for how irresistible I am Jimmy: gonna have to stop calling you 💪🏆🥇 if this pissing about keeps on Janis: I told you I had to finish up THEN get to town Janis: cheek of you Jimmy: cheek of you to ever call me soft, more like Janis: steady on Jimmy: should give you the nicest 🧛🏆 Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock one up Janis: I'll be a laughing stock Janis: you should be dead/my servant by now Jimmy: that's what I'm saying Jimmy: sort your head out, mate Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me Janis: no Janis: 'cos you want it, that's nice Jimmy: I'll fake a will to live for a bit Jimmy: come on Janis: you want mean Janis: 😶 Jimmy: I want whatever you want, my dear Jimmy: that's what I'm here for Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Janis: it'd be a nightmare being with someone like that Janis: actually Jimmy: do you reckon any dickheads are actually going on like that? Janis: yeah Janis: plenty Janis: happy wife happy life shit Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: my sisters bloke is like that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 he'd be able to crack onto so many more Sharons with that bollocks Janis: he would NEVER Janis: do what you like, drown out the nagging Jimmy: never be able to keep it up but he's only gotta get them within ⛓ distance of the sink Janis: 😬 bear it Jimmy: we all will, owt to avoid having to do the washing up myself, OBVS Jimmy: too much of a #lad for it Janis: keep walking if you reckon I will Janis: not in the contract Jimmy: not a kink 🔓 and there's nowt about it in Bill's script, you're alright, Jillian Janis: 👌 Janis: in other news, dropped the last dog off Jimmy: didn't drop a ☕ in my rush to 🙏🙌 hearing that but a shitter 🤹 might've done Janis: you know how far it is to mine now, you're holding off on the excitement, like Jimmy: stamina like mine, bloody have to 👴💔 Janis: 😏 Janis: put my outfit n shit in a bag so we can go from yours later? Jimmy: loads later, after we've been alone for AGES, yeah? Janis: yeah Janis: ruining their party/life ain't gonna take all night Jimmy: few minutes if that Janis: you got plans for the rest of our time, right Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Jimmy: you know I have Janis: I like having confirmation Janis: sue me Jimmy: you helping me apply ✨ is a good bit of it Janis: I don't know if I'm gonna want to go anywhere after that Jimmy: I'll carry you ✔ Jimmy: where the fuck does she live? Janis: safe to say too far for that Janis: ❌ Jimmy: [the most pouty selfie of all time] Janis: 🥺🥺 Janis: stop Janis: we'll take loads of breaks on the way, yeah? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: something like that Jimmy: as addictive as that Janis: I Janis: wish your dad's car was still here Janis: and I'm going to get ready Jimmy: If my manager weren't, I'd bring you it Janis: never there 'til you don't want him to be 💩😁 Jimmy: what comes of not being a paddy round here is that, no luck Janis: 💔 poor boy Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: least you like the accent, makes it a bit less 💔 Janis: it's on the list, no spoilers though, wait and 👀 what else is Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 again? Janis: [gonna have to stop this now, ugh, fuck you shit nan] Jimmy: ? Jimmy: [later when she obvs has not replied] Jimmy: really dedicated to no spoilers, you Jimmy: did your phone 💀💀💀 or what? Jimmy: [a bit later again] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: if you're fake tanning without me, FUMING Jimmy: [and again] Jimmy: You alright? Jimmy: [even later] Jimmy: Where the fuck've you gone? Jimmy: I'll be done in a bit Jimmy: [and when he's done] Jimmy: answer me, dickhead or I'll 🚗 Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: [later still] Jimmy: What's going on? Jimmy: this is doing my head in now Jimmy: just Jimmy: [even later later] Jimmy: tell me you're not 💀💀💀 Jimmy: please Jimmy: [later later later] Jimmy: or owt else Jimmy: 🗨  any bollocks Jimmy: [after whatever lies Grace has told because why not] Jimmy: She don't look enough like you to act as stand in Jimmy: as understudies go, I wouldn't bother next time if I were you Jimmy: don't know why I'm still bothering with this Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [So clearly, going to be gone for a few days but be back before school starts] Jimmy: [do you wanna do that they don't see each other/he doesn't know she's back until school though or do that before as well?] Janis: [we were going to do the kid's birthday party thing I think?] Jimmy: [yeah that should definitely be as soon as she's back for max awkwardness I'm just wondering how he's gonna know she is lol so I thought maybe they'd have to do a school day first or something idk] Janis: [oh yeah, we could do it like that, that works, it's usually 4-6th is so] Jimmy: [cos like I think we did before that he saw her 🐕🏃 but I doubt she'd be taking dogs over the park opposite his house casually so school feels like the only place they would run into each other cos likewise not gonna go order a latte so unless she's on route to mcvickers and they run into each other that way because it's right by his house? but I feel like she'd think of that and maybe avoid there too] Janis: [we'll go with it, awkward] Jimmy: [the other question is has he covered for her/keep up the fake dating vibes or has there been zero content because obvs relevant either way] Janis: [up to you, as she did not ask this time, and clearly she can't have been posting anything] Jimmy: [yeah I'm not sure how much he'd be able to do onesided lol like he could've had pics and stuff that they haven't posted before etc but like if there's nothing from her I don't know how they'd account for that unless it's like a I lost my phone/ it's broken cliche but if he doesn't post anything peeps are gonna be like ???!! so which he'd wanna avoid so I could see him covering without being asked] Janis: [do your best boy, got faith, clearly the first thing we do when we get back is post something of our own] Jimmy: [plus it makes it more awkward when they do see each other in person because they'd have to keep up the fakery because there has been no lull far as the fans are concerned] Janis: [and we haven't actually done school fakery yet so, I hope it's a day you have a lot of classes apart lol] Jimmy: [do we wanna say they interact first in a class they don't have because like you said posting on socials again and we can awkwardly talk here or throw them straight into being together asap and having to navigate that?] Janis: [I think she would say something, tbh, not just show up like that] Jimmy: [okay then, have fun working out what you're gonna say boo] Janis: Sorry, didn't take my phone Janis: do catch up now Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: Yeah, Grace told you right Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: told her to Jimmy: you can crack on giving her a 🏆 Jimmy: she'll be chuffed Janis: Bit far Janis: but 🧠 like hers, glad she remembered Jimmy: lies and fake bollocks comes natural to her, that'll be why Janis: don't think she went to the party, actually Jimmy: got that in common Janis: Yeah Janis: shame but sure it was still shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: she looks 😢 rn Janis: and she's usually buzzing for psychics so Janis: something happened Jimmy: or didn't Janis: she'd be keeping it DL if she got dumped or her next victim didn't show so yeah Janis: possible Jimmy: might just be daddy didn't bring the right 🎁 back Jimmy: don't get more 💔 than your soulmate not actually understanding you Janis: no postcard Janis: makes sense Jimmy: I've done my 😭 that you didn't bother Janis: no 📱 no 🖊 Jimmy: no 🩸 Jimmy: #starving🧛problems Janis: not looking 💀 I don't think Jimmy: don't matter, there's ages before I have to give you 😍 IRL Jimmy: can practice on sir til then Janis: thank GOD Jimmy: find him at your brother's house? makes sense, ALWAYS going on about loving the gays Janis: Adds up, right? Jimmy: more than this lesson plan Jimmy: but that's saying nowt, sir's clearly had a rough go of 🎄 Janis: ain't we all Janis: no need to 😭 Jimmy: weren't about to get the 🎻s out, you're alright Janis: talking about him, anyway Janis: you're fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: what are you going on about? Jimmy: I'm fine, you said it Janis: Alright Janis: you seem off Jimmy: not 😁 about school Jimmy: or still being here for it Janis: #therelatablemoodoftheday Jimmy: right Janis: Well I go home for lunch so don't worry about having to come find me then Janis: just english and detention, unavoidably so Jimmy: bit far, isn't it? Janis: I don't go home home, walk some dogs, if I have time, or go for a run Jimmy: just #bants mate Jimmy: even I've got that much of a grasp on where shit is Jimmy: and reading a clock Janis: a fair question, not a side-splitter Jimmy: weren't gonna have time to find you then any road, got my own home to go to and 🐕 to 🏃 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👌 in a bit then Janis: thought the lesson were shit Jimmy: know what you're like 🤓 be a bit rude not to leave you to crack on with yours Janis: well considerate Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can pretend we're doing the same dog walk Janis: in that vein Jimmy: [sends her some pics of Twix on a walk because Bobby would take like 4 million] Janis: sorted Janis: very cute Jimmy: save it for the caption, Joan Janis: I can do better than that Janis: not half-arsing it Jimmy: remembered your phone today, for starters Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: I didn't forget it, I just left it Jimmy: weren't pulling your weight either way Janis: yeah, I know Janis: no one does anything in January Janis: easy to get back on track now Jimmy: we've not been off track 'cause I ain't been off the clock Janis: alright, thanks Janis: I didn't tell you to Janis: or tell Grace to tell you that Jimmy: you didn't tell me fuck all Jimmy: and I didn't do it for you Janis: well I gave you a perfect excuse to not to Jimmy: I didn't fancy DMs full of lasses offering to take your place from the new year's 💋 onwards Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 is right Janis: if I can't go out the city without them pouncing then clearly we're not doing enough Jimmy: can't control what they do Jimmy: more #goals we are, the more they wanna step into your role Janis: fucking hell, okay Mr Perfect Janis: then what? Jimmy: what did you think would happen? Jimmy: there's loads of fans that are just 👏👏🌹 an' all Jimmy: 👀🍿 Janis: what is the plan for if not that Janis: you'll not put off everyone but if it's not better then it's broken Jimmy: if you want out, piss off out Janis: I'm not the one complaining Jimmy: neither am I Jimmy: I'm catching you up with what I did and why Janis: Great Jimmy: can't win with you Jimmy: mardy when I say nowt and when I 🗨 Janis: You're the one in a mood Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: you want me to be Jimmy: going on and on about it Janis: yeah, that makes sense Jimmy: never said it did Jimmy: should've told you to sort your head out Janis: fuck off Janis: I'm good Jimmy: that's more on brand for you, babe Jimmy: on you go Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: ha ha Jimmy: funny's more on brand for you an' all Jimmy: said it before Janis: what's your brand then? Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: yeah Janis: well you've not good a good grasp on mine so I'll decide, thanks Janis: got* Jimmy: got loads of time to do the ❌ while sir 🗨 and 😭 Janis: you don't need a list Jimmy: don't have one, so you reckon Janis: You've got the wrong ✔ Jimmy: got no ✔ about your branding Janis: don't matter Janis: only the fake Jimmy: if it don't matter why bother telling me I'm wrong? Janis: so you stop telling me what I am Jimmy: I get it, that bit matters Janis: if I've got to hear you chatting shit, yeah Jimmy: you only wanna have your go at it, I get that an' all Jimmy: 🚫👂 Janis: what have I said Jimmy: nowt but bollocks, that's the point Janis: You made it clear you don't wanna talk Jimmy: you started it Janis: I couldn't take my phone Jimmy: you could've made a tin can 📞 by now, you've had days Janis: I was a bit busy Jimmy: you know what I mean Jimmy: if you wanted to talk to me, you would've Janis: that's actually not true Jimmy: what your brother's not got a 📞 or 💻 Jimmy: it's just bollocks Jimmy: takes a minute to tell me you're alright yourself Janis: I didn't have a minute Janis: I clearly weren't at my brothers Janis: I told you that so you could put that out there if you didn't want to do the whole show yourself Jimmy: yeah 'cause that's what I'm bothered about Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I did my best not to leave you in the lurch Jimmy: I don't fucking care what the fake story is Janis: I'm sorry alright Jimmy: stop being a twat Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's not about how 💔🎻😭 it were or weren't for me Janis: what then Janis: go on Jimmy: you, dickhead Janis: what do you mean, me? Jimmy: if you need the list, you couldn't take your phone, didn't have a minute to grab one, weren't at your brothers, all shit you've said just now Jimmy: and before at the park you said you've stayed there Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Janis: Shit happened Janis: it's not my mum Jimmy: you don't have to tell me, but there's no need to chat bollocks Janis: Don't change that I went either way Janis: I don't think you're thick Jimmy: just leave it out acting like you went on holiday Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I heard you up there Janis: I don't know what to say else Jimmy: I'll let you 🤐 Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I still want to talk to you Jimmy: @ me you're got loads of that to do Janis: 👍 Janis: If you like Jimmy: if you like Jimmy: not me who's got writers block Janis: you've told me what you don't wanna hear, not what you do Jimmy: since when do I need to? Janis: That's fairly obvious Jimmy: never been my job to feed you lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 for a bit of that if you need a hand Janis: don't have no problem with the fake story Janis: [do some socials, to that point] Jimmy: [just doing a socials sesh because it's simpler to be fake than handle how we really feel] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: tah Janis: means a lot Jimmy: not patting you on the back for doing your bit Janis: I can see the evidence right there Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: more like it Jimmy: piss off and do your physics 🤓 Janis: it's all 🏃 and 💥 Janis: nothing nerdy about that Janis: what are you doing? Jimmy: drying sir's eyes Jimmy: sure it means loads to him an' all Janis: I meant subject but pop off Janis: Lucas is going to be so upset Janis: CONSTANT job Jimmy: that'll be why I'm getting my practice is, gonna be so 😱😱😁 to FINALLY see him again, muscle memory'll have to do Jimmy: *in Janis: you'll do great Janis: 👸 Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: Lucky him Jimmy: DUH he deserves nowt but the best Jimmy: I'm the lucky one to have all this detention ⏲ Jimmy: ⭐🏆 Janis: you can ask for alone time then Janis: see if he goes for it Jimmy: doubt that Janis: Yay Jimmy: gonna have to work harder than that at saying it like you mean it Janis: I don't Janis: it's bullshit Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: I've not thought about him all holiday Janis: almost forgot Jimmy: should've added more 💔💔💔 Jimmy: SO cruel, you Jimmy: he'll have 💭 of nowt else Janis: how he likes it Janis: no pain no gain Jimmy: all part of your plan, I get it, Judith Janis: don't always miss Jimmy: SUCH an athlete, I remember 🏀 Janis: it helps, I guess Jimmy: 🥅⚽️ Janis: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: I don't want a compliment Janis: I'm trying to Janis: never mind Jimmy: it's not much of one with nowt to back it up still, I get that an' all Janis: sure you'll still be here when the season starts Jimmy: bit rude Janis: realistic Jimmy: 👌 Janis: it's like next week, calm down Jimmy: not sitting here fuming about owt you 💭 Janis: alright Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your reassurances that we'll still be here, he'd be chuffed to hear 'em Janis: not my fault Jimmy: it ain't mine that you can't take a compliment Janis: you're not trying to compliment me, I'm not thick Jimmy: don't need to try for a start Jimmy: you're the one who's got catching up to do Janis: and I'm doing it Janis: what looks more suspicious than love bombing you the entire day Jimmy: nowt suspicious about that to our audience but alright Janis: fuck's sake Janis: [more socials] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: piss off Jimmy: you Janis: happily Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yep Jimmy: [sends her whatever drawings he did for the days she was gone because he said he'd do one every day bye] Janis: I get it Janis: yeah Jimmy: that you're so hard done by having to do owt that I thought I'd give you a hand with bollocks you can post, yeah Janis: no, that you've held that shit down, and I am grateful Janis: but as you said you don't care, and I had more pressing shit to deal with, I'm not going to say thank you forever Jimmy: I don't want you to say tah, not that dickhead Janis: just to hold it over me, you're THAT dickhead Janis: ? Jimmy: OBVS if that's how it's coming across that's how it is Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'd rather you just came out and said what you want to say Janis: or didn't say anything if you've got nothing, whatever Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: you weren't having it when I had nowt to say Janis: because I stupidly thought you might have Janis: if that's actually the case then sorted Janis: no worries Jimmy: same page then, us Jimmy: 'cause what have you said? Janis: Sorry, multiple times, thanks as well Janis: and I've been trying to talk and you keep shutting me down with bullshit Jimmy: yeah alright, it's my fault that I don't wanna hear that bollocks Janis: how the fuck would you know what I'm going to say, you haven't let me say it Jimmy: it were you who said you've got nowt else but sorry Janis: believe whatever you like Jimmy: it's a copout for dickheads who don't wanna really 🗨 Janis: no it ain't Janis: if I owe someone an apology, I say it Jimmy: you might as well say piss off or leave it out, that's what it means, I wanna crack the fuck on as if this didn't happen Janis: I know I should've given you more warning Janis: and I wanted to, but I didn't Janis: so I'm not going to keep telling you all the things I wanted to do or should've Janis: what's the point Jimmy: the point is that you don't need to keep chucking me a word that's just shut up and take my excuses Jimmy: 'cause they aren't, you did what you had to Jimmy: more fake bollocks is only that, fuck all use to me or you Janis: I'm not being fake Janis: I only lied when I weren't here to make being honest worth something Jimmy: it were worth something before Janis: now it ain't Jimmy: that a ? or ! Janis: closer to a ? but you've already answered it Jimmy: the only question worth bothering with is if you're alright and you've still not answered that Janis: I'm here ain't I Jimmy: not what I asked though Jimmy: I'm here an' all, don't mean I'm 😁 about it Janis: that's the point Janis: how can I look like anything but a spoilt brat when you want to go just as bad but you can't Jimmy: Do you need somewhere to stay or what? Jimmy: while I'm stuck here you can Janis: no I can't Jimmy: you heard me just say you can Jimmy: not a bloody me vs you for who's more 🎻🎻 Janis: I've had worse new years Janis: if you can believe that Jimmy: me an' all 💔 as missing that party were Janis: yeah Janis: Grace didn't go either Janis: 💀👑💬 Jimmy: just come over if you need to, fuck's sake Janis: how's that gonna work then Janis: on any level Jimmy: you pick if you want the sofa, a bed or the trampoline and then you go 😴 on it Janis: alright, I've got a vague idea how sleeping works Janis: 1. your dad exists 2. so do your siblings 3. and you, soz to put you last as per Jimmy: 1. but he don't matter 2. they've been waiting for you to wheel your suitcases in since they heard about you existing  3. why would I offer if I were bothered about having you about Jimmy: had worse people under the same roof Jimmy: @ every Sharon Janis: 'cos that's the low bar I wanna step over Jimmy: I'll compare you to my ex if you'd rather Jimmy: what could be more #goals Janis: why else would the kids be expecting it Janis: good for that too Jimmy: 👍 Janis: anyway, you do realize we'd have to fake it like 24/7 Janis: I'll figure something out Jimmy: who for? Janis: 👦 Jimmy: he's not gonna @ anyone Jimmy: 🐕 might Janis: yeah he will Janis: on the tin can to say the wedding is SO off Jimmy: I'll let you in when he's 😴 if you're that 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: I'm not scared Jimmy: you know where I live, Jasmine, make up your own mind Janis: can I say thanks or will you get fuming again Jimmy: piss off Janis: thought so Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I reckon my grandparents might let me stay Janis: I haven't spoke to them yet so we'll see, yeah Jimmy: alright Jimmy: give me a bell on the tin can 📞 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: or get Gracie to tell me, if that's your new favourite method Janis: 😒 Janis: come on Janis: needs must Janis: didn't have your number Jimmy: won't spread it about that you didn't memorise it soon as I gave it you Jimmy: be a right mixed message for the fans after all your tweets and that a bit ago Janis: I'll tattoo it on a digit I can stand to lose if you want Janis: made the emergency contact list a while back Jimmy: what's the plan, dramatically 🔪 the little one off next time you break a 🤞? Jimmy: very 🎭 Janis: alright Bill, put him back on Janis: I went off script, so shoot me Janis: make you feel better Jimmy: do what I can to rein him in but it looks like he's missed you Jimmy: or the back and forth at any rate Jimmy: just me and him's a bit Janis: glad someone has Jimmy: offered you a 🐕 and 👶's full attention but you didn't fancy it Janis: not what I said Janis: aren't meant to take someone up on their offer when it's too much Jimmy: weren't offering to chuck everyone else out and give you the 🏠 Jimmy: calm yourself down Janis: thank god Janis: makes it all alright Jimmy: you're making it weird Janis: how am I Jimmy: it's just somewhere to go Jimmy: nowt else Janis: yeah, I know Janis: I'm not saying it means anything more than it does Jimmy: it's too much were what you said Janis: like, you don't know what you're offering, not too much like I don't think it's 👍 that you did offer Jimmy: what about not thinking I were thick a bit ago? Janis: I don't Jimmy: then how do I not know what I'm going on about Janis: Okay Janis: if I need a place to crash, I'll make sure I 💬 you first Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What are we going to do about Lucas though Janis: that's what's really important Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: 🤔 Janis: it's tricky, don't want to extend the time spent Janis: but we need to make it as 😈🔥 for him Jimmy: we can hack 💀👑's 🎄 don't get more 😈🔥 than that Janis: ugh, should've got him a present Jimmy: still time Janis: you got art today? Janis: make him a bowl for his keys Jimmy: 💔 I don't do woodwork, could've knocked him up a tie rack Janis: missed a trick Janis: I've got bio Janis: could...bring him a dissected frog? Jimmy: could ALWAYS make him a ☕ Janis: you wanna be his favourite, I get it Jimmy: easiest way to get the ☠ in Jimmy: wanna be Bill's fav forever Janis: you are stuck with him for that long Janis: and 👔🏫 breath is already that bad so go for it Jimmy: what if he comes back as a 👻 an' all? Janis: he is bitter and can't let go of the ex Janis: tracks Janis: let me drain him Jimmy: I can't, he'll taste so bad Jimmy: not that fuming at you Janis: good to know Janis: I'm trying to remember what gets him 😤 😠 😡 🤬 on the scale Janis: beyond seeing me RUINED Jimmy: 🗨 Janis: yeah Janis: 🔊 and 📱 Jimmy: I'll do you some paper planes to go with your boat Janis: 🥇🤡 things Janis: that will piss him off, especially with your aim Jimmy: should practice my 🤹 you're right Jimmy: but there's nowt wrong with my aim, happens to every 👴 when they have a piss, that, shut up Janis: makes me want to move in right away Janis: 😏 Jimmy: job done Janis: your poor sister Janis: it's probably the only plus to having majority sisters Jimmy: don't @ her Jimmy: she ain't a fan of  🎻 Janis: bit weird Janis: if anyone is in her DMs chatting about piss she needs to 🚨 Jimmy: *🥊 Janis: that too Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: goes off the fuming scale an' all Janis: yeah, I know Janis: wasn't taking the piss Jimmy: funny Janis: ugh Janis: shut up Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: still waiting for my 🏆 you keep saying it Janis: if you can piss into it I'll be impressed Jimmy: easy Janis: then I'll find you one Janis: don't do metalwork 💔 Jimmy: no point making you promise if you won't cut your finger off so 💔 right back Janis: when did I say I wouldn't? Jimmy: ages ago Janis: I was the one who suggested it Jimmy: sounds fake, that Janis: I told you I've got the needle, you bring the ink Jimmy: give us something to do that ain't writing whatever lines Lucas wants to read back when we've pissed off Janis: I dread to think how close to the bone he's gonna go Janis: I MUST NOT BE A MASSIVE SLAG Jimmy: closer than me with that needle Jimmy: don't tell Bill but I might rip off that film and write Lucas a 💌 Janis: 👸 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: that's you Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: fuck off is it me Janis: 🏃 is me and I don't even want to be Jimmy: I forgot about him Jimmy: you can have that Janis: yeah, exactly, dickhead Janis: he's boring and he's got daddy issues Jimmy: I'll be the mute lass who you only 😍 when she takes her eyeliner off Janis: fits Janis: what you'd look like if you were a girl/one of your coworkers Jimmy: piss off Janis: tell me I'm wrong, 'cos you'd be wrong Jimmy: I'm saying nowt to you, dickhead Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: more 😍 than the gobby ginger, suppose Jimmy: If I leave it out with the dandruff desk 🌨 for my 🎨 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: stop at the sugar sandwich Janis: That's alright Janis: know you're a fat bitch Jimmy: might start a fake pregnancy rumour but I'll make sure they know it's my 🥧🥔🍺👶 sharpish Janis: so not only am I lesbian, also got a dick Janis: 👌💡 Jimmy: Oi, never said it were yours, sir can step up and be a man after he's sacked Janis: well that's just rude Janis: stop pushing me out the picture dickhead Jimmy: you left, Jules Jimmy: we were all 💔🎻😭 Janis: I'm literally right here Jimmy: where's 💀👑? Jimmy: #scaleupdates Janis: 😣 hurting her head trying to work out why my sister didn't show Janis: 🤯 when she invents the story to tell the rest of the gals Jimmy: alright, and where's the physics classroom? Jimmy: I've got today's 🎨 for you, didn't bother to draw it on my desk so you might as well have it Janis: [classroom #] Janis: would've been gas if you picked up and stole the desk but she'll still be 😭 😤 Jimmy: hang on, I'll re-do it Janis: you can still give me the paper one Janis: as well Jimmy: for when some dickhead draws all over your face Janis: I don't know about that Janis: I just want it Jimmy: okay Janis: though I do look forward to seeing the charming contributions from the fans and the haters alike, obvs Jimmy: 😈 Janis: so many 🍆s Jimmy: [my idea is he's drawn her sleeping and adorable curled up on the sofa with Twix or something because of that bit of the convo so however long it would take him to redraw that on a desk and then he's bringing it for a casual desk swap lol hey everyone] Janis: [everyone SHOOKETH, the teacher like hello??? we'd wanna kiss him so bad but settle for a hug hun] Jimmy: [likewise his teacher and classmates ?? where you going boy] Janis: [the casual drama y'all have caused, love to see it] Jimmy: [that hug would be everything though] Janis: ['til you get separated for stealing tables and defacing them lollollol but seriously SO intense] Jimmy: [should we put him isolation for a bit to mean they literally can't see each other until detention and ramp up the tension?] Janis: [definitely] Jimmy: [we'll have other chances to do awks shared lessons I'm sure] Janis: [naturally, this makes better drama] Jimmy: [soz not soz to Mr Lucas for that vibe in detention] Janis: [you'll probably love it perv lmao] Janis: you got a spare 🔑? Janis: I'll let your dog out at lunch time Jimmy: [different locations where he's hidden them so Cass can't find and deliberately lose them all how she do] Jimmy: Tah Janis: fair's fair Janis: I'll 📸 so it's #goals Jimmy: 💀👑's story can't, she don't have enough fans Jimmy: hatewatch'll only get you so far Janis: [OBVIOUSLY publicly answering the DMs of what happened because we know the fans would and like OMG LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT 'cos probably getting so over-dramaticized as it do] Janis: I've got it Janis: [publicly name and shame Ella with an anon she clearly wrote like 👀 you] Jimmy: I forgot #2 were about Janis: didn't we all Janis: she survived xmas 😱 maybe they got her to eat a sprout Jimmy: 🤞 it were a 🥄 of horseradish Janis: if her oesophagus wasn't burning before Janis: #festivebants Jimmy: cracker pull heart attack or nowt, tah hun Janis: 👴💔 Janis: literally Jimmy: speaking of, this school got a nurse or just the therapist? Janis: think the receptionist knows first aid and that's your lot Janis: why? Jimmy: probably not 💡🥇 to chuck desks about Jimmy: but I'll live Janis: soz to hear that Janis: you can't really tell 'em, it'd be less of a decent excuse to go home and more of a let's talk about home 🙄 Janis: hang on Jimmy: @ Helena Jimmy: fact she ain't in here for dealing is a pisstake Janis: but actually though Janis: we've got PE next Janis: I'll get you some Jimmy: not just gonna let you in here, we're too starcrossed Janis: I can scuff a blister or two under the door as I walk past Janis: I'll just tell you when I'm gonna so you can walk to the bin or whatever the fuck Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: you be alright 'til then? Janis: she's too thick for physics and be a bit obvious if I run in and snatch her bag so Jimmy: lesson's near over Jimmy: dunno what took me longer, your hair or the 🐕's Janis: so nice, you Jimmy: yeah, I know Jimmy: loads of lads would've found a lass with shorter hair to be their muse Jimmy: or left it unfinished Janis: you're SO brave Janis: and I've got no scissors to hand so Janis: have to stay for now Jimmy: meant to be me being psychologically fucked by the isolation, girl Jimmy: no need to do yourself a wonky fringe Janis: 😂 Janis: as if Jimmy: stick with your Q&A Janis: you sent a question in? Janis: stay tuned Jimmy: 'course I have Janis: how 😍😍😍 have you been? Jimmy: you tell me Janis: [go answer that for the #fans] Jimmy: [obvs send her another one cos that bitch] Janis: [flirtbackandforthletsnotlie] Jimmy: [we've got a LOT of feelings but also walls up now honey, gotta keep it 'safe' and 'fake' lol lol] Janis: [ah the joys] Jimmy: these 💊s gonna make me 😴 or what? Janis: if you're lucky Janis: they shouldn't knock you out proper though Jimmy: that were your luck, Jenna Janis: know yours ain't as good Jimmy: 🌧🌧🎻 Janis: still get your head down Janis: only thing isolation's good for Jimmy: you done 🗨 to me then? Janis: nah Janis: not got your 💊s yet have you Jimmy: I meant when I have Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want me to stop talking to you? Jimmy: that's what I just asked you Janis: not really Jimmy: so what are you telling me to 😴 for? Janis: because you're in pain Janis: and must be even more bored than I am Jimmy: got no dickheads doing my head in, I'm #thriving Janis: true Janis: PE is going to be a joy Jimmy: I get that it goes against how 💪🏆🥇 you are but Jimmy: just don't go Janis: where will I go instead Jimmy: you know where the spare 🔑 is Jimmy: take you one sec to 🏃 there from here Janis: bit rude to you Janis: I go and have an actual 😴 Jimmy: the 🐕'll never let you Janis: but it might be 🏑 Janis: go for the shins Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna recreate my 🎨 Jimmy: pressure, that Janis: don't wanna be a bad imitation, of course Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge Janis: 'course I am Janis: cheek Jimmy: prove it Janis: fine Janis: got to get your stash first Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [do that and get going 'cos you know he wants to talk to you and so you obvs wanna talk to him too so we is] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: only need 1 at a time, remember Janis: or you will 😴 Jimmy: alright Janis: trust, they're good Jimmy: I remember you rated them when you stopped denying they were needed Janis: weren't gonna leave poor Helena is pain for the craic purely Jimmy: oh soz, didn't realise you rated her an' all Jimmy: chuffed for you that you've got a new best mate Janis: 😒 Janis: fuck off Janis: just don't want her to @ me with her back surgery bill Jimmy: she a 🧠 📖 an' all? Jimmy: SO much in common you two lasses Janis: fake date her then Janis: never catch her walking your dog Jimmy: with her back? do mine in trying to get her to do owt Janis: exactly, stop trying to palm me off onto her, she's shit Janis: and fakes injuries, which is #gal behaviour Jimmy: Bit late for Ella to crack onto her for #inspo Janis: probably say she's got back problems 'cos she's a fatty Janis: can't see it being 💕 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: alright, cupid Janis: bit early for that holiday Jimmy: can't help being a romantic Jimmy: written in the script Janis: some would call it hopeless Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: @ Bill with your criticisms, sweetheart Janis: not a criticism Janis: just observation, babe Jimmy: meant to be 😴🐕💕 you Janis: let me get in the door and walk the fucker Janis: why you want me to go sleep so bad? Jimmy: just open the door for it, don't matter Janis: It's alright Janis: literally my job Jimmy: 🐕 won't pay you Janis: freebie Janis: she'll tell her mates Jimmy: what mates are them? even our kid's toy one reckons she's a twat Janis: 😱 Janis: you bastard Jimmy: a lass who don't know her place, under this roof, she's got nowt but enemies, OBVS Janis: why you want me to come over Janis: one on side Jimmy: that'll be it Janis: 🐶📱 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: she's sweet really, just needs putting in her place Janis: sorry to out your lack of skills @iantaylor8 but multiple Sharons for a reason babe Jimmy: not something I'll get a 🏆 either Jimmy: you'll have to do it Janis: it's not hard, the basics like Janis: and you won't have to be all 😡 🤬 to keep it up either Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: @iantaylor8 Janis: if the impression was anything to go by Jimmy: it were 🥇 Jimmy: but if you're gonna do owt that'll make his life easier Jimmy: you know how the rest of the sentence goes Janis: I dunno if I'm so 🥇 I can get her to be 😇 for you lot and shit in his shoes still Janis: but I'll give it a go Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: just 'cos she's 😱 of him, don't necessarily mean she respects him most Jimmy: Bringing back all those memories of the good old days with my mum for him Jimmy: be a bit awkward when she pisses off an' all Jimmy: brb mate just going down the park Janis: all women are the same Janis: definitely don't look inward Janis: my dad and all his bitches and even more brats Janis: entrapment, every time Jimmy: not having a game of mousetrap, you prick, not that he's about for #familygamenight to get that top bants Janis: but he really TRIED to be there, apparently Janis: if he's that shit at it he's gotta have that many go's, not worth fuck all really Jimmy: won't 🤞 on meeting his 👻 Jimmy: have to give a shit for there to be unfinished business Janis: why bother when you can get a woman to do that for you and all Jimmy: if only I'd met Pete sooner to palm all ☕🎨 off onto Janis: If only we'd ALL met Pete sooner Janis: 💔 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Janis: I won't distract him from doing all your work 🤞 Jimmy: he's mine, back the fuck off Janis: that's how it is Janis: some mate Janis: and he's currently miss things so race is on Jimmy: the kind of mate who stops you 1. making a twat of yourself 2. getting a slaggy rep Jimmy: you're welcome, babes Janis: so you get to be the slag of the group? Janis: convenient Janis: jokes on you 'cos we all are some of us are just less obvious about it, SWEETIE Jimmy: DUH you were the massive virgin Lucas were grooming Jimmy: keep up with your own #narrative, hun Janis: fuck off Jimmy: as fake nice goes, not your best Janis: yeah well Janis: you ever actually heard them? Janis: pretty shit too Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: neither can they much longer Janis: can't wait 'til the big one snaps Jimmy: who's your 💰 on? Jimmy: Tammy's all 😭  tiktok mimes, be there til the bitter end Janis: be nice if #2 rose up and took her place as 👑 Janis: Bill would be thrilled Janis: probably Asia though, by accident Jimmy: 🗨 in the wrong chat one too many times Janis: exactly Janis: her next boyfriend is an actual undercover cop Janis: 🚨 Jimmy: #plottwist Jimmy: Oh Bill Janis: he don't know it's a bit 😬 to get a 15 year old with a 45 year old now, let him off Jimmy: WHAT?! IT IS! OMG Janis: you know your 💕 for Lucas is forbidden, babes Janis: that's what makes it 😍 DUH Jimmy: but not OURS! everyone's obvs gonna get #overit after a bit of murder Jimmy: 👴💔 Jimmy: fuming there's no happy ending coming WTF Jimmy: ???!! Janis: #awks Jimmy: least this 💊 is good Janis: 😁 Jimmy: I should be fake dating Helena, you're right Janis: now you know Jimmy: soz but 👋 Janis: at least make it convincing Jimmy: steady on, need my 🐕 walked first Janis: you can pay for it next time Jimmy: still mates rates though? Janis: is it? Jimmy: that's my question Jimmy: you gonna be too 💔😭🎻 about me and her or what? Janis: Helena, with her back problems? Janis: I think you 2 are made for each other 👴👵 Jimmy: 😁 Janis: SO happy for you Jimmy: Tah, Jolene Janis: 👍 Janis: enjoy your meds Jimmy: loving being able to breathe, like Jimmy: and thank god, 'cause who knows if she'll fancy a 💀💀💀 pact Janis: always a bonus, like Janis: you can convince her Jimmy: dunno about that Jimmy: only as inspiring as my muse, me Janis: a girl with a death wish is so hard to come by Jimmy: have to have the 💊💊💊 as my muse instead of her Janis: bit played out but what ain't Jimmy: yeah Janis: I'm glad they've helped Jimmy: how long'll it be for? Jimmy: easy 🎯for Lucas like this Janis: they've got better staying power than your average paracetamol Janis: but take the other one tonight and you should sleep well too Janis: I reckon GP might give you like a weeks worth, if you asked Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: me and the 🐕 if you've knackered it Janis: she's a 👶 Janis: more stamina Jimmy: how old do you reckon it is? Janis: you don't know? Janis: still under a year, definitely Jimmy: how would I? Janis: whoever your dad got her off should've told him, at least Janis: people lie sometimes though, you're not meant to take them before they're 8 weeks, at least Jimmy: might've, don't mean he's told me Janis: if he comes back for lunch I'll ask Janis: providing he doesn't 💀 me Jimmy: can't promise the 🐕'd save you Jimmy: but I would Janis: for yourself Jimmy: he don't get to 💀💀💀 you, no other dickhead does Janis: no one else Janis: that's the 🤝 Jimmy: ✔ Janis: better tell Helena Jimmy: not @'d her owt yet, it's alright Janis: let me finish my Q&A first Janis: look a bit stupid otherwise Jimmy: [obviously gonna send her more because we're in our feelings] Janis: [run to the 'fake' hens] Jimmy: [do we wanna bring up the kids party before the detention TENSION or after?] Janis: [ooh, hmm...I think after?] Jimmy: [break the inevitable awkward silence after how intense that'll be, makes sense] Janis: [and you'll have more of a reason to do it, like we KNOW you would anyway but it is flimsy at best so we'll give you that] Jimmy: [it's just tricky rn cos I want you to talk til then but don't wanna break the awks lol, oh lads] Janis: [it'll still be awks 'cos you've only seen each other so briefly actually IRL] Jimmy: [it's okay boy you can still have your guard up even if you accidentally get too feelsy] Janis: [we know the vibes] Jimmy: [not like it's never been a headfuck before or you've never gone back on anything so] Janis: [or won't have to again] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do you wanna chat more or skip a bit?] Jimmy: [I don't mind if we carry on cos we've slayed it so far] Jimmy: Get Ian to make you a 🥪☕ if he's knocking about Janis: He ain't so far Janis: but I know where the kettle is Jimmy: 🐕'll have just the one sugar Janis: she don't need no more Janis: even after this epic game of fetch Jimmy: if your 💪 hurts I've still got this 💊 you can have Janis: ha ha Janis: save your breath and meds boy Janis: I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you don't want me to @ Helena for no more Janis: maybe I don't wanna go through her bag again Jimmy: long as I don't bring you any more desks, won't you need to Janis: 💔 Jimmy: we're all 💔 Janis: could've had a career in removals Jimmy: you could be a careers adviser Janis: wow, my dream Janis: thanks so much!!! Jimmy: get to hang about the staff room, know you'll love that Jimmy: 👔🏫💕 Janis: the happy ending we're all 💭 of Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: one of us'll get one Janis: you'll be well happy with your new missus Janis: 🥴 from all the 💊 Jimmy: not planning to use 'em for 💔 Jimmy: or get in that many 🥊 Janis: yeah Janis: but Helenas pretty annoying Janis: you'll need 'em Jimmy: never spoken to her before, no need to start now Jimmy: 💪🔇 type, me Janis: she doesn't know any sign Jimmy: good Janis: bit rude to teach me some and then ❌ me Jimmy: lessons don't have to finish an' all Janis: I will have to talk to Bobby Janis: after the wedding of the century, like Jimmy: and you said your cousin might need teaching Janis: that too, actually Janis: if nothing else she can call her mother a shithead Jimmy: don't need either of us for that, Libi'll sort it Jimmy: I'll still knock you some lessons now though, got nowt else on Janis: talk me out of all my roles, it's fine Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: how old's she? Janis: erm, gonna be 4 soon, I think Janis: she's never spoke Jimmy: I'll start with the proper basics, asking for owt she wants Janis: yeah, anything would be helpful Janis: got to be frustrating as hell Janis: thanks, by the way Jimmy: [sends her videos of him signing and pictures he's drawn of the hand gestures etc all that good stuff] Janis: they let you do that instead of Irish, yeah? Jimmy: if it were that easy it'd be a pisstake Janis: obviously, I mean that's cool though Janis: more useful than Irish, any rate Jimmy: you should ask if you can swap Jimmy: love's young dream Janis: yeah right Janis: they'd love that Jimmy: I get it, you're worried you'd look a twat not keeping up, but I won't let that happen Jimmy: not the kind of mate I am Janis: just don't reckon any teacher has got the goal of us spending more time together Jimmy: don't have a teacher, it's all online bollocks Jimmy: no other dickhead's got the same set of excuses as me Jimmy: or the new boy ✨ obvs Janis: the handicap of being English, yeah Janis: I hate Irish, so I could ask Janis: dunno if they'd go for it Janis: but 🤷 Jimmy: what were it you said about the shots you don't take? Janis: 🖕 Janis: deserved maybe but 🤐 Janis: you don't just wanna get out of teaching me yourself, by any chance? Jimmy: I like teaching you Jimmy: don't mean I'm any good at it Jimmy: got no coffee breath or shit ties Janis: it is essential to be 🥇 Janis: but you aren't bad at it Jimmy: do have enough sob stories to go on about, all sir were bothering with, we might be alright Janis: you're good Janis: showing Libi too Jimmy: What do you wanna 🗨? Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: Put me on the spot Jimmy: 🤏 Jimmy: but go on Janis: I could ask you to sign anything right now Janis: only got the 🐕 for company, here Jimmy: in isolation here, challenge accepted Janis: who they got 'keeping an eye' on you? Jimmy: Ms Burke Janis: they would Janis: slip her a pill if she manages to notice fuck all then 👍 Jimmy: she's already sedated herself, you can crack on with your request Janis: alright 🤔 Janis: how many go's do I get? Jimmy: how much do you wanna say? Janis: how do you say 'loads' Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [send it back like ta-da] Janis: what about 'fuck all'? Jimmy: [send that] Janis: [do that, swear words are always funny lol] Jimmy: [and always the first thing you have to find out yourself cos teachers don't want you to know] Janis: how would I say Janis: 'Janis is the best at everything' Jimmy: [signs it calling her a bighead instead but cos he's saying it at the same time she obvs knows even if he hasn't taught her before which he might have] Janis: oi Janis: bloody rude Janis: how am I meant to trust your teaching skills? Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: [do it properly though boy] Jimmy: I've just fingerspelt your name, Jules Jimmy: your sign name depends if you're talking to our kid or me Janis: might be handy to know my real name Janis: so I don't look like a total muppet Jimmy: [draws out the alphabet and sends it like see if you can do it] Janis: [give it a go, gal, do his as well] Jimmy: [show her how to do whatever adorable sign name Bobby has for you jimothy because you're his fave person ever and he would've thought of it as a bub] Janis: bless Janis: far as nicknames go Jimmy: [show her Ian's because it'd be so lowkey shady, casual bub sass] Janis: 😂 Janis: I'll deffo use that Jimmy: [show her yours for him which is obvs even shadier like that's the one I use] Janis: he must LOVE that Jimmy: about as much as when I call every Sharon mum Jimmy: would call him worse if I weren't mostly signing to a 6 year old Janis: Not your fault you're confused, tbh Janis: you can get out the really obscene shit now if you like, I won't clock half of it anyway Jimmy: [does obvs but without saying it too so she and Ms Burke can't clock it] Jimmy: probably meant to use the names our kid does any road as he's the deaf one but Jimmy: so creative, me Janis: got to make sure he keeps practising, yeah Janis: not the kid, obvs Janis: also some of that looked like you was having some kind of seizure, how gone is miss rn Jimmy: she'll be 😴 before either of us Janis: 🙄 and we actually need it Jimmy: you @ your nan yet or what? Jimmy: done some lessons for Libi an' all Jimmy: [send that through too] Janis: nah Janis: it's gonna be a whole conversation and I'm meant to be 😴 Janis: but I will show Libi those, and NOT the ones before, note to self Janis: needs no help with her filthy language Jimmy: 🎅 is still #SHOOK Janis: too #SHOOK to add her to the naughty list Jimmy: 😏 Janis: show me how to say some goals shit then Jimmy: [does] Janis: [do that back] Janis: what about 'I missed you' Jimmy: you did mean #goals, yeah? not Jimmy: I dunno 🤓 flirting Janis: you don't know when I'll need to flirt with a deaf nerd Janis: go on Jimmy: [show her] Janis: [do that with purpose hen] Jimmy: [we're all just in our feels trying not to die rn] Janis: show me something you wanna teach me Jimmy: [show her how to say please because there are so many saucy but also feelsy uses and connotations for that] Janis: [do it loads of times, like could be #bants could not be] Jimmy: you're good at that one Janis: 😇 Janis: manners are well important Jimmy: what about Jimmy: [do 'stay' because of course we are] Janis: [do it and combine the two 'cos duh] Jimmy: There you go, that deaf nerd ain't going nowhere til you're done with him Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: have to 🔎 one first but hey Janis: prepared now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bet that's something you could do, too Janis: teach that 💰 Jimmy: how many jobs do you reckon I've got time for, girl? Janis: I know Janis: I want to be able to move out as soon as I can though Janis: don't you? Jimmy: soon as I can ain't as soon as you Janis: right Janis: he's 6 Janis: rough Jimmy: it don't matter what I want Jimmy: or how 🎻🎻🎻 it is Janis: you reckon he'd ever let you have him, even a bit earlier Janis: after uni, or whatever Jimmy: only if it suited him Janis: yeah Janis: that's what you want? if you've got any say, hypothetically Jimmy: both of them away from that twat Janis: it gets your sentence down to 6 years Janis: instead of 12 Janis: still more than the 3 I'm 🤞 for but Janis: who knows where you'll be, might be somewhere less shite Jimmy: ⚰ Janis: no good to either of 'em then Jimmy: not meant to be my job though Janis: I know Janis: don't matter though does it Janis: like you said Jimmy: only to the orchestra Janis: he's not gonna be the 'kick you out at 18' type is he Janis: not whilst you're useful to him? Jimmy: answered that yourself, Jasmine Janis: stop him getting a permanent Sharon Janis: that's your main job then Jimmy: stops himself Janis: true Janis: loads of desperate bitches Janis: 🐶💕 Jimmy: he'll kick me out if my sister ever stops being as fuming as him Jimmy: makes for a shit babysitter Janis: yeah Janis: get that Janis: probably alright on that score Janis: if it ain't genetic, it's well ingrained Jimmy: tah for not saying hormonal like I thought you were gonna Janis: if I was alright with throwing that about, may as well join shit nan's church group and call it a day Jimmy: 💔 for the hot priest you won't Janis: she might see if he's alright to do an exorcism Jimmy: far as date nights go Jimmy: I'm chuffed with that Janis: don't remember inviting you to shout bible verses at me Janis: chuck some holy water about Jimmy: but I wouldn't miss it Jimmy: have to grab my long lens if nowt else Janis: 😏 Janis: keep you posted on if I'm saving my soul or nah Jimmy: 💌 Jimmy: my 📷s are in my room if you fancy a go Janis: fun Janis: and you're sure you've left nothing incriminating out, yeah Jimmy: sure I'm not bothered Janis: and I'm not a snoop Janis: ask my customer's owners Jimmy: chuck us their @s Janis: um Janis: soz, line went dead there Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: con- what- hello??? Jimmy: alright, dickhead 🏆 Janis: thank you Janis: 🙇 Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: never said I were that impressed Janis: disgusting Janis: get you in for the next exorcisms at this rate Jimmy: his and hers Janis: so #goals Janis: though she'll hear nothing of it Janis: you're a LAD and can do whatever you like Jimmy: *good 🙏 lad now Janis: so you say Jimmy: depending who's ? Janis: me, dickhead Janis: who else Jimmy: you know the answer, dickhead Janis: sign it if you're embarrassed Jimmy: piss off, nowt does Jimmy: you know that an' all Janis: 🤘 that Janis: ain't it Jimmy: what? Janis: 😈=🤘 Jimmy: right Janis: could be calling you 🐮 suppose but context Jimmy: 🐐🔪 bit of a step down for us Janis: so immature Janis: 👶🩸 or bust Jimmy: sounds like you're asking me on another date, that Janis: and? Jimmy: and alright, I'll find and kill a 👶 with you, obvs Janis: 😍 Janis: you always know just what to say Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: [does the thing about her being the best again] Jimmy: exactly Janis: [do his name like you too] Jimmy: dunno about giving me 🏆 for everything Jimmy: won't get out this door Janis: much as miss would love that Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: it's Ms, get it right Jimmy: Dead mysterious, her Janis: will not respect her pronouns, soz Jimmy: til she keeps a more decent bottle stashed none of her choices are valid, I get it, pisshead Janis: look, if she wants to let the married teachers know she's damaged enough to cheat, that's her lookout Janis: but miss and sir saves remembering their names and they need to deal Jimmy: 😂 Janis: please call me Ms Cavante from now on, tbh Jimmy: bit of roleplay Janis: 🤏 Janis: just gonna set you homework Janis: be dead disappointing Jimmy: know what you're like 🤓 nowt else were expected Janis: 😣 oi Jimmy: change my mind Jimmy: if you reckon I'm wrong Janis: easy Jimmy: to say Janis: wait and see Janis: Detention Jimmy: have to wait and see what ends up on my 📷 an' all Janis: yeah Janis: you can give me critique but Janis: you won't wanna Jimmy: make me sound like a right dickhead Jimmy: not working for the 🎨 department Janis: you only wanna be student? Janis: but you LOVE moonlighting as a professional 45 year old Jimmy: just don't wanna dress like miss for the roleplay, won't do nowt for either of us Janis: 😂 Janis: please don't Janis: I've left my fringe alone Jimmy: 🚫✂ Jimmy: not to use on yourself any road Janis: 😏 Janis: do you think that's an appropriate way to talk to a teacher? Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: that'll be why I'm in isolation though Janis: yeah, with MS Burke Janis: not me Jimmy: if we get rid of Lucas, detention is Janis: if I come back now before PE is over, I'll have time to prepare something Janis: a distraction Jimmy: did you have your 🥪☕? Janis: why? Jimmy: what do you mean why? Jimmy: before you go Janis: I'm good, don't worry Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: you don't need to ask Janis: I know how to get myself lunch Jimmy: you don't need to be a dickhead Janis: you neither Jimmy: I'm not Janis: alright then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I washed up, it's fine Jimmy: told you, the rubber gloves do nowt for me either Jimmy: not a #kinkunlocked Janis: not trying to be but I've not trashed your house if that's what you reckon Jimmy: what would I reckon that for? Janis: Dunno, what it sounds like though Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: not gonna do the 🐕 out of a job, she don't pull her weight as is Janis: she's asleep at the minute but no promises you won't come home to a disaster from her obvs Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: say night to her Jimmy: [signs it and sends that] Janis: she got that Janis: said night babe Jimmy: 💰 on you translating that one wrong Janis: um, you heard Janis: basically a dog whisperer Jimmy: save it for the fans Jimmy: that's the fake bollocks they 😍 Janis: how dare you Janis: not out here saying you make a shit cuppa Jimmy: 'cause I don't and you or her ain't that good at lying Janis: my biggest job atm is literally lying how am I not Jimmy: not about ☕💕 Janis: 😂 Janis: you've really taken personal offence yeah Jimmy: any northerner would do Janis: 💔💔 Janis: soz for disrespecting your culture Jimmy: you're not Jimmy: 😒🌧 Janis: I am Janis: so serious Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: that a dog whisperer secret? behave like the 🐕? Janis: rude Janis: just 'cos it's not racial don't compare me to a dog Jimmy: rude that you don't wanna be like your new best mate Janis: you're the one that wants a new bestie Jimmy: bollocks Janis: @ Helena Jimmy: @ her 💊s Janis: I can get you 💊s Jimmy: and I could get them myself if I were that bothered Janis: why are you getting rid of me then Jimmy: never said that Jimmy: to you or Helena Janis: don't Janis: we're still mates, aren't we Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I fucked up Janis: not very mates #goals Jimmy: I'm not 💔🎻😭 over missing the party, I said Janis: I know Jimmy: you can do what you like, it's nowt to do with me Janis: 'Course I can Janis: but a heads up would've been good Janis: not like asking for a lot, I'm not thick Jimmy: heard you had a lot on Janis: still Jimmy: you don't owe me owt more than you made Grace give me Janis: alright then Jimmy: didn't expect you to be gone that long but it weren't owt to make it look like you weren't, like we said Janis: and I didn't expect to have to take off that fast Janis: don't mean it didn't leave you in the lurch just 'cos it was unavoidable Janis: felt it, whatever Janis: so there, have it Jimmy: I don't want whatever 🏆 you're trying to give out right now Janis: it's not Janis: for me or you Janis: just what it is Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to accept a sorry but I do have to say it Janis: it's done now though so Janis: don't need to be 😬 Jimmy: if you mean it as you won't fuck up again, I'll take it Jimmy: it's just not what most dickheads use it for Jimmy: might be a northern thing an' all Janis: that's the goal Janis: promising as much would just be 👍 until proven bollocks and I don't wanna do that, fuck that Janis: but if I have to go again, I'm going to make sure I give you warning and whatever else would help it not be such a dickhead thing to do Janis: but 🤞 Jimmy: you're a dickhead, don't ❌ your whole brand, mate Janis: 😏👌 Janis: like being charming is yours Jimmy: when I have to go an' all, I'll be charming with the 👋 Janis: yeah Janis: is a bit rich but there you go Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you'll not be sending postcards to say soz Janis: and fat use if you do Jimmy: I'll be sending 'em for the 🎨 OBVS Jimmy: daily thing, that Janis: yeah obvs Janis: makes it alright Jimmy: it were you who told me to keep on Janis: just saying Jimmy: what? Janis: why am I apologizing? Jimmy: weren't me who said you had to Janis: well I'll take it back when you fuck off then Jimmy: why wait? Janis: 'cos I'm not a dick Jimmy: if you're gonna take it back then it don't mean fuck all now Janis: and yours won't mean nothing even if you sent it every day Janis: be even Jimmy: how do you work that out? Janis: 'cos you're going for good, don't matter how soz you may or may not be Jimmy: and you coming back don't mean you won't piss off again, might be for good an' all for all I know Jimmy: that's about you, when I go it won't be nowt to do with me Janis: 1. you want to go, that's not nothing to do with you, own it at least 2. yeah, I wanna be gone as well but that ain't why I left then, for fun Jimmy: 1. you don't know what you're going on about 2. I never said it were Janis: 1. it's all you've said since you've been here, that's what I know 2. pretty much did but whatever Jimmy: 1. what I've said is that I don't give a fuck where I am, every shithole is the same 2. you weren't thinking about nowt but yourself is what I meant Janis: 1. yeah, exactly 2. got to do what we've got to do Jimmy: yeah we do, they're got somewhere they wanna be and I don't, ignoring that would make me a massive twat Janis: it's alright Jimmy: It's not and I don't need you to chat bollocks to me that it is Janis: for you Jimmy: *for them Janis: nah, for you Janis: sorry I don't have younger siblings to give me a fake reason to live Janis: I don't have to be selfless, that ain't my fault you got no other choice Jimmy: I'm not gonna sit here and write you a massive list of who might give a fuck about you pissing off and why, fake or real Jimmy: there's a whole scale between being selfless and not being a fucking dickhead Janis: Good, be a massive waste of time for us both Janis: it isn't the same, so you don't get it Janis: they need you, no fucker needs me, end of Jimmy: you heard me say do what the fuck you like then Janis: I don't need you to say it but tah Jimmy: I got that you don't need nowt from me, don't worry Janis: be stupid to Jimmy: so call it off Jimmy: far as fake reasons to live go, you reckon I've already got mine Janis: you do it if you want Janis: why should I Jimmy: no fucker needs you, you said, if that's what you reckon, if this is all a waste of time, that's why you should Janis: because that's not why we're doing it Janis: it's to stop people wanting us Jimmy: Why did you even bother asking if we're still mates? Janis: why did you bother saying it in the first place? Jimmy: it ain't me who's going on as if I don't have an inbox full of dickheads Jimmy: if that's what you're doing it for 💔 for you Janis: not what I asked Jimmy: but there's your answer, I said we were mates 'cause we were Janis: that'll be why I asked then Jimmy: if nowt matters to you but your DMs, there's no need to ask Jimmy: make up your mind Janis: not what I've said at any point Jimmy: it's what you just said Janis: I said that's what the plan was about Janis: not that it's the only thing I've got or give a shit about, but thanks Jimmy: what it were about, yeah Janis: there's just Janis: fuck it Janis: need to get back for next lesson Jimmy: didn't need the update but tah for it Janis: whatever Janis: go away then Jimmy: see you in detention then Janis: hooray Jimmy: you can leave that out Jimmy: Lucas is the only one chuffed Janis: I can be as well Janis: all I care about, after-all Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: really Janis: what a revelation Jimmy: shouldn't be Jimmy: I've said it loads of times now Jimmy: 💀💀💀🐴 Janis: yeah, you're fucking annoying Janis: I knew that Jimmy: dry your eyes then, mate Jimmy: got lessons to go to Janis: fuck off Jimmy: you Janis: I just got back Janis: and you can't make me Jimmy: could do but I ain't THAT selfless Jimmy: soz to piss on your carefully crafted narrative Janis: what, that everyone hates me and wants me gone? Janis: not that tragic Janis: not being needed isn't being wanted 💀💀💀 Janis: it's not a sob story, if anything, makes this all a lot easier Jimmy: tah for spelling that out for me Jimmy: now I can FINALLY get my head round it I'm BEYOND chuffed for you Janis: yeah, make it more convincing next time around Janis: that you understand, that is Janis: don't need your blessing either, OBVS Jimmy: if there were anyone around I might bother Jimmy: don't need your 🏆 Janis: fortunate Janis: be a real shame Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: just like that, yeah Jimmy: no need for 👏👏🌹 either Jimmy: it's all the same bollocks Janis: yeah, there's no need for any of this Janis: yet here we are Janis: deal with it or do something about it Jimmy: do it yourself Jimmy: I've got enough to deal with, my sob story that you keep going on about as if you've got it all memorised Janis: and? Janis: I don't give a shit, do I, 'cos all I care about is myself Janis: not mates, never were Jimmy: and I don't need you tell me I've got no fucking choices Janis: I'm not Janis: I'm not telling you anything, or trying to for that matter Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [we better skip honey] Jimmy: [oh this detention] Janis: [oh lawd, in a mood now] Jimmy: [the 😒 isn't just his face rn honey] Janis: [just sassing into this room they've had you in all day boy, by sassing I do mean storming lbr] Jimmy: [whatever he's meant to be copying out we all know he's really doing v unflattering pictures of Mr Lucas because how we be feeling rn we don't care how much trouble we get in or what happens] Janis: [the lecture you're gonna get about ruining the school trip like it weren't a million years ago, like let it go babe] Jimmy: [we've lived a whole rom com life since then sir so obvs Jimothy is just 🙄 feel free to give him a lecture about that if you want hun] Janis: [we know the way neither of you gives a single fuck is gonna infuriate him so much, also saying she sits in front of Jimmy so she doesn't have to look at him] Jimmy: [make him have to look at your hair and the temptation of having her back to write on, love that] Janis: [mhmm, did that on purpose, at least we know full well Lucas is the type of dickhead to be like ooh you had a lovers tiff 'cos they're both in such a mood so it gives us an excuse to have to fake a bit like fuck you] Jimmy: [what an absolute dick, we all know the type] Janis: [think he's being bants 'cos everyone always takes the piss out of him and own back but no, really obviously passing back a note that's SO extra and lovey-dovey but also talking about what a loser Lucas is] Jimmy: [send the drawings with the reply you do because she'll enjoy them even more now that he's being SUCH a dick] Janis: [the laugh we're barely stifling like hope you have to come and look at these hun but also they'd be genuinely funny] Jimmy: [also shamelessly passing her gum or sweets or whatever we have that we're not meant to be cracking out now like love you gal] Janis: [blowing bubbles with the gum to be that bitch like we know you're gonna begrudgingly have to stop her 'cos you're such a perv] Jimmy: [glad Jimothy can't see that from his angle because how distracting] Janis: [can see when we go to the bin to take it out and we spit it out just as suggestively, maintaining eye contact and winking like it hasn't been a million years] Jimmy: try not to die boy because that would get to you under any circumstances never mind these when it has literally been the longest you've not seen each other since you started this] Jimmy: [obviously gonna maintain the eye contact like it's nbd but] Janis: [coming back and doing that thing where you like hold and stroke their cheek as you turn to sit down like so casual] Jimmy: [the restraint it would take to either not make a SOUND or flinch away when she did that which are obvs his two conflicting urges, but what we actually do is play with her hair as she does that like it's a choreographed scene and in the hopes that she'll then be in the same boat as he is] Janis: [obviously we are, even if our flinch reflex is out because we're proving something here, leaning back in your chair so your head is practically on his desk and he can keep playing with your hair, at least until you're told to stop then the most dramatic UGH like ffs sir living my best life here] Jimmy: [playing with hair until that last possible second because 1. it's a fave 2. it'll annoy sir 3. it's something you're so used to doing and can get lost in as if it hasn't been a million years/everything isn't so shit rn] Janis: [gonna go some texts 'cos also duh and if he does see it'll annoy him, even if it means losing your phone for the duration when he do] Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: [a selfie doing it because it'll annoy Lucas that he took one if he sees and also like I know you can't see my face rn and you're so gutted about it] Janis: you're so hot Janis: [such a dramatic wistful sigh 'cos trying to get caught, nothing more OBVS, but Lucas is probably trying to ignore you two now like stop it] Jimmy: you Jimmy: [and obviously an even louder one back that's of course only for the same reason lol] Janis: [just play a lowkey game of boogeys with that which could get so indecent lmao] Jimmy: [Sir is gonna need a minute ™] Janis: [truly lmao, we're just trying not to crack up 'cos it's so serious of course] Janis: wish we were in here alone Jimmy: [write out a saucy little scenario for what you would do if you were that I honestly hope Mr Lucas will see at some point because OBVS that's the only reason we're saying any of this yep] Janis: [step it up sir, when you've got an hour of this and you wish you'd never bothered lowkey loooooool] Janis: I know a way, if you really want it Jimmy: ? Janis: Maybe I should make you wait for it though Janis: [not wanting to send texts that don't sound real/flirty rn 'cos the goal is him reading them, obvs, but trying to get across like do we ACTUALLY wanna be alone or nah] Jimmy: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: I probably won't get away with another selfie Janis: That's good Janis: how could I say no to that face Jimmy: or owt else in my 📷 roll Jimmy: there's loads of really convincing shit in there Janis: his rant did remind me Janis: of how many 📷 we took on the trip Janis: and the ones we didn't Jimmy: feels like ages ago Janis: too long Jimmy: when's the next one? Janis: [ask Lucas for his HA! of a reaction] Jimmy: [we loling because we shall openly mock you and your lack of authority sir, don't give a fuck] Janis: [honestly, like okay babe, looking forward to all the team building and shit] Janis: you'll still wanna be my partner by then? Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know how I feel about that Janis: I like when you tell me though Jimmy: 👀 or 🗨? Janis: show me yours I'll show you mine Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: [make a big performance ™ of writing on her back so Lucas can't fail to notice but we don't actually have to say anything we're probably just drawing a 🏆 or something like well done for this 'fakery'] Janis: [acting like that tickles way more than it ever actually has and going to turn like you're gonna make out or something but obviously getting stopped and probably moved a few desks away or something] Jimmy: [waits until she's been moved and then 'accidentally' spills a shit load of water everywhere like oops must be because I'm so distracted rn relatable isn't that sir and then the whole rigmarole of having to sort that out would make Lucas be fuming like he's either gonna have to also move Jimothy or leave to get shit to clean that up with] Janis: [probably just trying to move him and then being like NO SIR THAT'S A SLIP HAZARD like we are so concerned and how dare you at least get a wet floor sign] Jimmy: [off you go dickhead, give them a minute to breathe and be real but also an excuse to have to make out or something which is perfectly timed for your return] Janis: [should say something creepy about them seeming like they want him to see because the looks you'd give him/each other are sending me] Janis: think he's actually having a break from reality Janis: 😕 Jimmy: get the school therapist on the 📞 Janis: might leave you alone then Janis: 😡😡 Jimmy: be nice if everyone would Janis: [asking Lucas if he knows the school therapist lady in such an obvious way like she's trying to matchmaker them] Jimmy: [chiming in because #teamwork honey, I'm sure Lucas is shooketh because this is probably the most Jimmy has ever said] Janis: [casually a bit terrified, bless but not at all sorry] Jimmy: [I like to think from where she's sitting now they can send each other so many LOOKS but also looks like oh sir] Janis: [for sure] Janis: wanna be impressed? Jimmy: depends if you mean by you or sir 😏 Janis: oi 😂 Jimmy: go on Janis: I bet you I can get us out of here for good in the next 15 minutes Jimmy: and if you don't? Janis: You get whatever you want, of course Jimmy: can't lose Jimmy: I'll be timing you Janis: [having a text back and forth with someone that ain't him obviously and then waiting] Janis: [so my idea is when she was coming back into school she keyed his car up and has now text Sophie who's in some kind of after-school club to go to the office and tell them she's just found it 'cos she's quite good so we're not suspecting her of doing it then going to inform them, so someone from the office coming in within this timeframe to be like um hey 'cos he probably has some wanky mid-tier sports car and will be FUMING] Jimmy: [LOVE THAT] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING (lbr when are we not) at him when Lucas has run out in a fluff like ta-da 'cos had that planned since we came back baby and now they can just leg it 'cos he's distracted as hell] Jimmy: [THE LOOK he would not be able to stop himself giving her because that's impressive as hell like he'd honestly probably also go to kiss her and then be like -] Janis: [casually not moving or breathing for ages like he might still do it, as if he didn't just stop himself, but then going in her bag and pulling out a hoodie that is not his but Ian's and handing it back 'just in case the CCTV caught shit' and shrugs like we know it didn't but may as well look like a middle-aged dude if not] Jimmy: [chucking it back at her and gesturing to wherever she keeps the lighter he gave her like feel free to burn it because fuck Ian] Janis: ['was on the back of a chair' like don't think I've gone through his wardrobe or something weird 'knew it weren't yours' and such a face feel the shade sir, offering it out for a bit longer but nods and takes it back like alright, makes no difference to me] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling at the shade face in spite of everything because it's so important and makes you so happy and relieved that she's always been on your side about him] Janis: ['maybe he'll think it was Ian, kill the bromance' like we're just talking not to be awkward now 'cos you know you could just walk out] Jimmy: [does an IRL 🤞 but crosses her one over the other instead of doing it with his own because we just have to touch her to prove we can and it's fine after the near kiss] Janis: [such a wary smile 'told you I'd show you' in a quieter voice than we've been using but not quite whisper level] Jimmy: ['yeah' likewise soft about it] Janis: [going to walk but not just going, like are you coming or] Jimmy: [obvs we are and we do and we're lighting both of us a 🚬 as soon as we can because she's earnt that] Janis: [just smoke that in silence 'cos at least we know how to do that] Jimmy: [mhmm, though he would go to say something at least once] Janis: [trying not to be too !!! but obviously we want him to say something, doing a feelsy lean as we walk like what] Jimmy: [obvs we're doing it back because always 'can we just-' what boy] Janis: ['yeah' like whatever it is, we can 'cos sincerely mean that] Jimmy: [looking at her like lowkey 😍 lowkey amused because we know she means it even though she doesn't know what we mean and like when does anyone ever care or support us like this] Janis: [pushing him really gently with our next feelsy lean like oi, 'cos you're aware it sounds a bit thirsty but you don't actually care so 😏 'you know I've got nothing else on, why not'] Jimmy: [pulling her as gently closer to him because we just can't help ourselves and taking a big breath likewise because this is all so hard having abandonment/trust issues but also loving/missing her as much as we do] Janis: [speaking really quietly 'cos proximity but also we must 'cos we're so unsure of what to say or do in terms of fixing anything 'I probably said some things I shouldn't have?' as a question not to be annoying but like we truly wanna know as is our confusion but hugging him like earlier 'cos must] Jimmy: [a lil scornful noise an himself like hard same babe 'me an' all' and after he's hugged her for the longest time ever writing 'you' on her but then putting a line through it like it's not your fault 'I'm the dickhead'] Jimmy: [*at] Janis: [shakes her head 'call it a draw, just this once' like we're both 🥇 on this score, going to explain loads of times but the complex emotions never mind the story that's so involved lowkey so we just don't, enjoying being near him again like it's all new 'cos it's been so long] Jimmy: ['I meant what I said before, alright' does not elaborate for what would feel like ages excuse him 'if you need to stay at ours, you can, the rest is just...' trailing off because we obvs mean is not as important as being safe etc] Jimmy: [but we can't say bollocks because it's not] Janis: [just waiting for that like what what what then softening when he does say it 'I know you meant it' and squeezing his hand like !!! thank you but we're not gonna outright be like yes absolutely 'cos we feel like it's not even that bad, even though we HATE being home there's not like a valid enough reason because shit nan isn't always there or whatever] Jimmy: [hug her again but then obvs your feelings are too high so you're like 'I should-' and nod in the direction of your house boy, like remember those siblings I have no choice but to look after] Janis: [straighten up like 'right' but not trying to come across as disappointed as we are 'cos not that bitch so smiling 'got catching up to do with customers as well'] Jimmy: ['piss off then' but soft not like fuck you bye] Janis: [waving like bye as you go but 'see you later?' just as you're about to 'round a corner or whatever] Jimmy: [I love that he's the one who said he should go but has lowkey not moved LOL just a look like do you wanna see me later as if that's not obvious] Janis: [stopping like you really not gonna answer, as if this whole street is watching and waiting lol] Jimmy: [signs 'see you later' like we're so put upon but we're clearly amused] Janis: [does it back best we can but does 'I missed you' 'cos got that down] Jimmy: [we wanna do it back but feels are getting too high again so we just nod like well done gal you have got that down and do whatever 🤓 is instead] Janis: [🖕 but in a bants way and you must go now] Jimmy: [😏😘 because we love it but yeah fuck off both of you please]

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x05

If I wasn’t already excited about this episode, discovering that ‘Stiff Competition’ was written by Joe Murphy certainly would have got me there. Maybe it’s because he is a fellow Australian or maybe it’s because in every interview I’ve heard I find him utterly delightful and intelligent or maybe it’s because he is a damn great writer, but one thing is certain after this week’s episode of Younger: J. Murphy, I Stan (there was a time I might have been embarrassed about gushing so unabashedly but now I write weekly essays about fake people so I figure the shame level is zero at this point). This ep had the combination of playfulness, funny, flirty and drama that hooked me into this show in the first place and I feel like we got further insight into a number of characters, broadening our understanding of them and where they’re at. Plus kudos must be given for managing to use the title “Stiff Competition” and make the feature book “The Third Leg” in the same ep (one might even call it a riDICKulous feat…and no I’m not even a bit sorry).

A couple of weeks back I wrote about the Liza and Charles dynamic and how it really thrives on the build and resolution of tension. Up until last season it was the sexual tension and now that’s resolved there needed to be something to keep the fuel on the fire, so to speak. Cue the opening scene of this ep, with the competitive fuel well and truly lit and honestly, this whole scene just rocks my world.  We had the drama building the past few eps with Charles being secretive and while that would’ve resulted in the destruction of the relationship had it been left unresolved, it has been used to transition into this next type of competitive cat-and-mouse style tension that the characters are embracing (at the start anyway) and using to their benefit and, let’s be honest, we all benefit because it. is. HOT.

Walking into the National Arts Club party very quickly establishes Charles as well versed at such an event and I am so into the immediate retort from Liza that feisty isn’t the ‘f’ word she would choose to describe Charles setting up Mercury. That does of course come after Charles introduces her to Michael Cunningham as his girlfriend which is just so bizarre to hear but also YES. Their banter, the competiveness in the art of the schmooze, bringing her A game; the whole thing set them on such equal footing and seeing them as ass-slapping sparring partners was something I never knew I needed and could have watched an entire episode of with its feature film feel (Kickstarter for a spin-off series of nerdy espionage-style escapades but about books and authors and literary events…and maybe the odd murder to keep it interesting). 

While Liza was certainly showing that she can work a room, Charles’ reputation and professionalism was on fine display as authors greeted him warmly and Liza’s introduction of him to Meg Wolitzer as her boyfriend (seriously I’m living for these gf/bf drops) just got more and more awks as Meg and Charles clearly knew each other, Liza snatched his business card from his hand and then asked the photographer to identify him as her ‘guest’ in the pic (loved Sutton’s delivery of this and extra loved Meg’s ‘just pretend you’re talking to me’ to the rando so she could get away from the slightly unhinged antics of the editor she just met). Yet Charles is loving every minute of it and I so appreciate that now the whole Mercury situation is no longer a secret Charles is talking openly about it with Liza, evidenced by his telling her he received a message from Zane (about Mercury being highbrow/brilliant nonetheless).

Where there is highbrow there must be lowbrow (old tv proverb) and unfortunately for Kelsey, the head without a neck aka ‘a floating tragedy’, she has taken prime position in that quadrant of New York Mag’s approval matrix (can we take a moment to appreciate Liza’s ‘well it is a good picture of him’ remark re: Charles? Way to make your friend feel better but also lol and accurate). While I sympathise with how stressful it must be to lose authors, this ep once again highlights that our pal Kels is in quite the spiral. Luckily Liza has managed to pull in Chip and Joanna Gaines, I mean Hayley and Cameron Butler, who are promoting their cringe-worthy new book, ‘The Third Leg’, off the back of their New York Flip success. I heart the way this show parodies real people so hard.

I have said it week after week, but Diana has been such a scene stealer this season (Diana Trout proudly pointing out Shiplap, I don’t know why but this just made me grin). The writers keep bringing it with the lines and Miriam Shor’s delivery somehow magically seems to get funnier and funnier and her heart eyed gaze as she recounts her and Enzo’s third leg(s) (like a centipede…but also nothing like a centipede, speaking of A+ lines and delivery) was no exception. The whole pitch meeting was a bit of a train wreck, with Kelsey’s bitterness about the hot or not list spilling in, Liza’s attempt at diverting resulting in Diana railroading the entire thing and Liza wondering if she and Charles are in fact lacking the third leg (Empiriconda notwithstanding) that two home reno celebs have deemed a necessary factor in a successful r/ship (though theirs hardly seems the picture of happiness unless #relationshipgoals is taking jabs at each other through strained grins).

One relationship I am digging on every level is Josh and Lauren’s and this week’s ep gave us a mighty fine dose. Of course Lauren set up a GemmaLoves Insta and I’m 100% willing to overlook the slight ickiness of her pushing a SM account for the baby without asking Josh because it’s Lauren and she is sublime and also without it we would not have had THE film-worthy (minus the butt plugs) montage. I freaking adore that Lauren is so unapologetic about promoting stuff and getting freebies and Josh’s stance on not letting his daughter be a pusher for consumerism lasts approx. 25 seconds as Lauren points out all of Gemma’s favourite things that she will happily take back (Josh’s ‘but she loves it’ was just too good). Lauren’s declaration that both Josh and Gemma are gonna get free swag ‘and ya both gonna love it’ (the Eleanor Shellstrop vibe is strong and I approve) leads us into the shopping montage that made me want to dance around my lounge room and could sit comfortably in any rom-com from the late 90’s/early 2000’s. From ‘Baby Love’ to Josh and Lauren feeding each other cupcakes to that glorious moment of Josh parading back and forth on the pavement like a chorus boy, I bow down to Younger pulling rabbits like this out of the creative hat six seasons in, it was just such damn fun.

You know what else I adore? That throughout the series we have seen so many different aspects of Diana’s character and we just keep seeing more and more layers peeled back through her relationship with Enzo. I am so enjoying the side of her we see being open about her feelings for him when she’s around others, then the way she is with him; proud of their relationship then honest about her disappointment that they have to cancel dinner, rather than shutting down and pretending she doesn’t care. Enzo offering to buy Diana any necklace she chooses made my cold dead heart swell with the sincerity and sweetness of it all, but Diana revealing that she does not choose her necklaces, they choose her = the revelation I didn’t know I’ve been waiting six seasons to hear. Not to be dramatic but it felt like coming home.

 Side note: I’m finding the parallels between the Diana/Enzo and Liza/Charles relationships really interesting. I don’t know whether it’s deliberate or not but these two couples navigating relationships in their 40’s, trying to strike a balance between career ambition and their personal relationships, I am beyond desperate for Diana to know about Liza’s age and for these two to talk about it all tbh.

Speaking of balancing career and relationship, can we please talk about the dinner date because sweet lawd, my heart was already full from the Diana/Enzo goodness, but then along came Liza and Charles with this whole out together with the authors situation and quite frankly, I’m surprised I survived.  Bringing together the book and the earlier meeting was just so well done and the moment Hayley dropped the ‘and you’ and we discover that Charles had indeed gushed about Liza and their shared love of books as their third leg (still sounds weird and gross but totally worth it for the sentiment and post-dinner tie in), I too was staring at my screen the way Liza looked at Charles, but I was also a little bit deceased because I am romantic trash and him casually rubbing her back almost did me in.

I feel like each ep is adding another dimension to Charles this season and seeing him relaxed and candid outside the restaurant was certainly another insight into this character. The entire interaction between him and Liza was effortless and I love that it went from Liza ribbing him about using their relationship to secure the book to Charles being so frank about where it’s all at and how he’s feeling (and does anyone else hope a little bit that Charles does end up needing that room in Liza’s bed coz I am very on board with the idea of C. Brooks living in that loft for a while for many reasons). Bring on lusty Charles and I kid you not I let out a little scream of delight at Liza noting his excitement and then heading straight for the cab (yes Charles, she is just going to leave you like this). Thank you Joe Murphy for the ep and the book title combo so Liza could remind Charles competition is stiff out there while glancing at his crotch and telling him to take care of the third leg himself, you truly are doing God’s work. And I’m just all ‘round loving seeing these two adults in a relationship being flirty and lustful and open with one another.

I have to put it out there that Liza’s hustle game is so damn strong this whole ep and as she is questioned by Kelsey and Diana about how Charles is getting all these authors, I a) am very glad she does not blab, b) find it interesting that Kelsey assumes that Liza mustn’t know if she hasn’t told her and c) wonder why Liza is the only one who seems to understand that other publishing houses will be vying for books and that Millennial will lose some fair and square. But Liza once again has another potential author lined up in the musical prodigy turned conductor Gloria Rivera, but this is Younger, we’ve had lots of fun, flirty and funny, so it must be time for the drah-mah.

The moment Liza ran into Charles at the concert I think we all knew the competition might have just about run its course, and I had legit second-hand embarrassment as Liza so confidently gloated she had been in touch with Gloria ‘for months’ in response to Charles’ knowing her ‘quite well’, though Charles clearly wanted to explain further as he said he wanted to talk after the show before the lights go down and Liza needs to get to her seat. Insert appropriate amount of unimpressed for both Kelsey and Diana and it all goes south pretty quickly once Diana discovers that Gloria was the recipient of the Brooks family Arts Scholarship so knowing Charles ‘pretty well’ is a bit of an understatement.

Now I get that it must feel like a series of blows and I also get that we need a way for Kelsey and Diana to be at the axe throwing bar so that whole scene can play out, but for them to both bail on Liza and not even try to convince Gloria to sign with Millennial, I mean, you’re not going to get any authors with that attitude ladies. At this point Liza should just bail and start her own damn company, give it a great name starting with ‘M’, maybe Majesty? Mendacity? Or Mitosis and she can just expand quickly and open identical offices all over the place? Either way, Liza had no time for Charles’ girlfriend game post-show (and it is clear here that to Charles it is still just a game and he hasn’t quite clocked that to Liza this is her career being compromised).

While I think Diana and Kelsey leaving Liza to make a last ditch pitch to Gloria solo was a low blow, seeing them together, rage throwing axes while drunk (I both love and am terrified of the idea of people drinking and axe throwing in one place FYI) was pretty damn great. These two are always so messy together and Diana taking off her earrings and prepping only to have such a terrible axe throw was only surpassed by her saying that she tells people Enzo is a surgeon which is why he’s on call and Kelsey offering up that they both wear gloves. LOL. And Diana Trout peeing beside a dumpster is one thing I never thought I’d see on this show, yet here we are and her ‘I don’t know her’ and running away from the cop when Kelsey produces the axe was ridiculous and excellent and a great excuse for some chin-skin holding mugshots.

My one gripe at the mo is the ongoing distrust Kelsey has of Liza, first at the axe bar asking Diana if she thinks Liza is helping Charles land these authors and then when Liza turns up after Enzo has bailed them (can we just pause a moment to appreciate the ongoing mafia jokes since their first date and also Enzo calling Diana a jailbird and her smitten reaction. I heart it all). Seriously, this is just yawn at this point and while I get that Kelsey is scared (and thank you Liza for pointing out that she’s not the only one) surely Liza is over having to prove time and time again how loyal she is only to have Kelsey continue to question it? I know I am. Again, Liza – ‘Mitosis’. Think about it.

Our Maggie moment this ep is of course just prior to the déjà vu of Liza and Josh chilling on the couch with Gemma, a little throw-back to the cacao-induced dream from last season’s finale. But I gotta say, my heart hurt for Charles when he walked into that awkward af loft situation, because while I have no doubt that Liza is solid in her feelings for Charles, seeing your girlfriend in a super domestic looking moment with her ex has to feel like a kick in the guts. I want to bottle the look Liza gave Josh when he said ‘you two seem good’ because if I could whip that out on demand, it would be mighty useful.

The final moments of this week’s ep certainly heightened the drama all round. I feel like this episode really highlighted the insecurity of both Kelsey and Charles, which puts Liza in the interesting position of having to navigate this with two people she loves but also put her foot down for her own sake at some stage. Liza immediately quashes any concerns Charles may have about being in competition with Josh and uses the baby’s inability to talk ergo. steal authors as a way to broach the ongoing company rivalry. As Charles reveals that Gloria will be signing with Millennial, it is evident it is all still a bit of a game to him (though him saying that all he cares about is that he doesn’t lose her, ugh *heart emoji*) until his true take on it all is revealed, that he sees it all as shared victories rather than rivalry. Eeek, I tell you, I get and appreciate the dick theme of this episode but I struggle with the dick line ‘when you get to the bottom line, it’s still all me’ so much. I had an actual physical reaction to how awful this was and it certainly was not something I imagined this character saying. Yet I do think it also gives credence to the type of man Pauline said she was married to.

It felt insecure, like he was trying to talk himself up in some kind of misguided attempt to sound impressive, but it also was a glimpse of the man whose ambition contributed to the demise of his marriage. Pauline herself said that when they got married she thought they would be a team but right away it was all about Charles and she was there just to be his rock (S5E3). The difference now of course is that unlike Pauline, Liza has called him out on it and in the final second, the expression on Charles’ face (it’s gutted for those playing at home) is hopefully one of realisation that he is repeating behaviours of the past and that moving forward, we see that realisation play out and this character develop.

I have no idea how the rest of this season is going to play out but you know what all this drama and intrigue pave the way for? Growth. Liza’s growth as she becomes more sure of herself and her right to decide and demand what she wants and deserves, who she wants, what she will and won’t stand for, Charles to learn from past mistakes and work to redeem those and think about the kind of man and partner he wants to be, no character’s growth has been as glorious to see unfold up until now as Diana’s and I’m sure this will continue and Kelsey...well I’m sure hers will come. We’re almost halfway people and season six is proving to be quite the ride.

[eng-hypnosismic]

[T/L] Matenro CD Drama Track 1

Jakurai: Oh well, time to decide on the members. There’s totally nobody that interests me. (sighs)

[Opens Something] [Chair]

Jakurai: Unlike people with skills, people who interests me are still nowhere to be found.

[Door opens]

Nurse: Doctor, it’s time to start today’s appointments. I’m going to let the patient in.

Jukurai: Ah yes, please.  

[Sighs]

Jukurai: Doppo-kun, you’re here again? Are you still having insomnia because of anxiety towards the future?

Doppo: No, thanks to you doctor, I am less anxious about the future now.

Jakurai: Wonderful. Then, what seems to be the matter today?

Doppo: Right, excuse me. But, as you are, Doctor, I’ve a favor to ask.

Jakurai: If it’s within my capacity, I will help. Please say.

Doppo: I am extremely grateful. Actually I brought a friend with me, I will go fetch him.

[Door noises]

Jakurai: Well, it’s good that both his mind and body are sound. Instead of a doctor, he sort of sees me more as a counselor.

Doppo: Thank you so much for waiting. Let me introduce you, this is my friend Izanami Hifumi.

Hifumi: Hihi! I’m Izanami Hifumi. Call me Hifumin, okay? ❤️

Jakurai: H-Hifumin… Nice to meet you. Hifumi-kun, since this is a hospital could you please lower your voice a little?

Doppo: Aah, I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry… Hifumi, quickly say sorry for your bad manners!

Hifumin: Oh? Ah, I did bad. Sowwy! (1)

Doppo: Apologize seriously! You’re always like this. I am trying to seek help for you over here and you just keep embarrassing me. (sighs)  To be fair I feel that’s my bad. Today my boss said to me, “you’re a salesman, stop making that gloomy face.” Hifumi is probably also sick of my gloomy face so that’s why he’s like this to me. No, no doubt he’s fed up for sure. Everything, everything is my bad. Hifumi being so noisy, my little brother failing exams, Today’s rain...They are all, all my fault my fault my fault...

Jakurai: (sighs) Doppo kun? How many times have I said?  Don’t think that everything is your fault, please stop these negative thoughts.

Doppo: (sighs)

Hifumi: (mocking noise) Doppo, you’re funny.

Doppo: Hifumi, you’re so...I am not helping you anymore.

Hifumi: Totes my bad, sowwy! It was just a joke. Doppo, think about just how long we’ve been together.

Doppo: If I can, I want to go back to my primary school years so that I can not become friends with you.

Hifumi: (laughs) Doppo, but then you’d have zero friends.

Doppo: (grumpy voice) Even if that’s the case!

Hifumi: Uuh, how scawwy~

Jakurai: (clears throat) So? Doppo-kun, what reason did you introduce Hifumi-kun to me for? Is there something I can do to help him?

Doppo: Yes, actually, he’s being troubled by a horrible stalker.

Hifumi: Yeah like that; It’s SO bad, it blows me away. Like, if I don’t do something I could actually get killed?

Jakurai: The way Hifumi-kun puts it, it lacks a bit of credibility and tension. Is that really the case, Doppo-kun?

Hifumi: Ah, how cruel, doctor! That’s so messed up! (Doppo slaps him) Ah, violence is not the answer!!

Doppo: I am so very sorry that he keeps doing this, Doctor.  Although he talks like that, what he said is true.  

Jakurai: So, that means…”getting killed” is not just a metaphor or something like that?

Doppo: Indeed. I myself also witnessed bits of how crazy that stalker is. His position is pretty dangerous.

Hifumi: I know right, I’m having a crisis.

Jakurai: Why a stalker?

Doppo: He works as a host.

Jakurai: I see. In that case, is the stalker a customer of Hifumi kun’s store?

Hifumi: Yep, yep, that’s exactly it! I’ll give them my love and all, but, like, can they spare me my life?

Jakurai: Oh..it might be discourteous to say since we just met, but I can’t imagine him having such a crazy stalker.    

Doppo: Ah, just as you say so, doctor.

Hifumi: (Screams) You two are both so nasty??

Doppo: To be honest, I still can’t believe that he became a host and has to work with girls.

Jakurai: That I can’t tell. Look at him, doesn’t he feel like a natural-born host?

Doppo: That...is true.

[Door opens]

Nurse: Excuse me.

Hifumi: [Gasps]

Nurse: Are you alright? Are you not feeling well somewhere?

Hifumi: Y-y-y-yes, I-I-I, a-am o-k-k-kay?

Nurse: Doctor, there are still appointments with other patients, the time...

Jakurai: Ah, it’s already this hour. I’m almost done here.

[Nurse out]

Hifumi: [gasping/shook]

Jakurai: Hifumi-kun, what is it,  all of a sudden?

Hifumi: T-that, g-girl...ha-as she, l-left?

Jakurai: Oh... that, she left already.  

Hifumi: Ah, jeeeeez, she totally just popped out of nowhere! Scared the heck outta me.

Doppo: I didn’t tell you beforehand, but as you just saw he’s not good at dealing with females. When he talks to women, he’ll suddenly become another person just like that.

Jakurai: Seems to me it’s beyond the level of “not good”. I take back what I said. (breathes) Hifumi-kun, you taking a gynocentric job as a host with such a personality, is amazing.

Hifumi: (Laughs awks)

Jakurai: Please tell me more details after I get off work.

Doppo: Please excuse us for disturbing you in the middle of your work. Then, I will see you later.

[door opens, hifumi gets dragged]

Doppo: Yo, let’s go, Hifumi.

Jakurai: Hmm...Doppo-kun and Hifumi-kun are a quite peculiar, interesting...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Bell rings]

Women: Welcome!

Hifumi: Ah, Jakurai-san, over here!

Jakurai: Oh. [walks]

Doppo: Sorry doctor, you must be tired from work...

Jakurai: It’s rare that you bring friends to me for advice, which means you must be really in need of my help.  

Doppo: I am very sorry for the trouble.

Hifumi: Jakurai-san, thanks much!

Doppo: ...Who do you think I am saying sorry for!

Hifumi: Oh? Ooooops my bad. Sowwy!

Jakurai: Hifumi-kun,  you're a completely different person when there’s no women around. Speaking of which, if you can’t talk in front of women, how do you handle being a host?

Hifumi: Oh.. haha

Doppo: Doctor, when he puts on his suit as a host, he’ll change into another personality.

Jakurai: Hmm. I thought what just happened was already another personality - is it different from that too?

Doppo: Yes. It might be too soon to show you this time; but after you see it, you will understand the reason why he attracts crazy stalkers.  

Jakurai: Got it. So, you’re needing my help for dealing with that stalker?

Hifumi: Yep. Anyways, please look at this.

Jakurai: This is...a letter?

Hifumi: It’s the inside! She wrote something totally crazy, real messed up!

Jakurai: (reads letter) “I am your woman, I am your slave, I am your possession. The whole of you makes me love, and makes me craze.”  I see, this is quite something. ...Hm? Is this “ink” by any chance…

Hifumi: (nervous laughter) It came with pictures of her gorey slit wrist, and another picture with her using the blood to write the letter.

Jakurai: Surely, it must have been appalling to receive this. However, isn’t it a bit of an exaggeration to say that your life is in danger?

Hifumi: That’s...

Doppo: Hifumi, show Doctor that last thing.

Hifumi: (Hesitates) Ah.  

Jakurai: A knife?

Hifumi: A knife and this, letter.

Jakurai: (reads letter) “Why, why, why don’t you understand. I already sacrificed everything for you. Now I can only kill you and then commit suicide.” (gasps) Is this also written in blood?

Hifumi: The night when I got this knife and letter, that girl broke into my home and stabbed my arm.

Jakurai: Not slitting, but stabbing - that’s for sure an indication of murderous intent. Instead of talking to me here about this, you should go to the police.

Hifumi: Of course I did and even an arrest warrant was issued. But we don’t know where did that girl go.

Jakurai: On the run?

Doppo: Seems like she’s on the run, but if Hifumi is not careful enough and gets attacked ---

Hifumi: Not that the cops are useless, just that the girl’s determination to murder me is too strong. It feels like she won’t let herself be caught before she killed me.

Jakurai: Hmm...I think I pretty much get what’s happening now. So if she appears, you want me to stun her with my hypnosis mic?

Hifumi: In short, yes.

Jakurai: If that’s the case I can’t help you; I try to avoid using hypnosis mic as much as possible. Getting a police or a bodyguard to protect you might be a better way.

Hifumi: That’s not it.

Jakurai: The what is?

Hifumi: More than stunning her, I hope Jakurai-san can heal her.

Doppo: Doctor, that’s the reason why we came to talk to you.

Hifumi: I care about my life a lot, but just as much, I really want to help this girl who likes me. Jakurai-san is one of the best doctors in the world, and weren’t you also a member of the legendary team “The Dirty Dawg”? Therefore, With Jakurai-san’s help, I am sure her mental illness will be healed.

Jakurai: I see. Now I understand. Seems that, I was not taking enough into consideration.

Doppo: Doctor...

Jakurai: I am taking this patient in. (lit. I am taking this examination & therapy )

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doppo: Doctor, it’s only been one day - and her hiding place has already been found?

Jakurai: I have a very capable friend in Ikebukuro Division who runs a general odd-job store. After I sent him my request, he found her location within a day.  

Doppo: Woah, what a wonderful friend!

Jakurai: Certainly; he has helped me a lot. (to himself) It’s such a pity that we have to be rivals from now on.   

Doppo: Eh? What did you just say, Doctor?

Jakurai: Oh, nothing at all. Besides, where is Hifumi-kun?

Doppo: Aah, I think he should be almost here.

Hifumi: Thank you for waiting. [both of you]

Jakurai: ...This suit is? Your work clothes?

Hifumi: Yes. Please excuse my bad mannerism from last time, even though it’s our first meeting. My apologies.

Doppo: Everytime you wear that suit you become another person.

Hifumi: Why, isn’t this Doppo-kun. I am so indebted to your kindness that I can’t hold my head high anymore. For what you’ve done for me, I think it’s only fitting that I call you “brother” instead of a mere “friend”.

Doppo: How do you even say embarrassing lines like this so shamelessly.

Jakurai: Just as you told me yesterday, he’s a completely different person. Even so, how he changes so drastically after putting on a suit is beyond me.  

Hifumi: It’s embarrassing to talk about it myself, but In the past, women did something very bad to me that I just developed a fear of them. After I hit 20, there’s still no sign of getting better, and for that I hated myself very much. I wanted to overcome it no matter what, so as a desperate measure I resorted to becoming a host.

Jakurai: That’s very impressive. To set yourself on fire and reborn from your own ashes - for young people nowadays, that’s very outstanding.   

Hifumi: Just as you imagined, I was utterly useless at first. After the agony of having to talk to women everyday reached a breaking point, the moment I put on my suit I forced myself to think that I am not myself anymore - that’s how the me now came to be.

Jakurai: Your condition is not multiple personality disorder, but more like an extreme case of autosuggestion. Very interesting.

Doppo: Doctor, since all of us are here, let’s go.

[footsteps]

Doppo: The top floor…? That’s tricky.

Jakurai: Why?

Doppo: Nothing. But just to make sure, is it okay if I go down one floor?

Jakurai: Of course, I am sure you know what you’re doing.

Jakurai: Hifumi-kun, I will try to reach out to her first. Please hide somewhere unseeable from the door.

Hifumi: Okay.

[doorbell X2]

Jakurai: Hello, I am Doctor Jinguji Jakurai from Shinjuku Central Hospital. (Silence) I came to visit at Izanami Hifumi’s request. It’d be of great help if I could have you open this door for me, if possible.

[door creeks]

Girl: From Hifumi?

Jakurai: Thank goodness you opened the door. May I come in?

Girl: How do you know this place?

Jakurai: Seems like Hifumi is worried about you, so he hired a detective to look for you.

Girl: I can’t believe that.

Jakurai: It’s ok if you don’t believe my words; but you see, instead of police, it’s me who came. There has to be at least a minimum amount of trust right?

[opens door]

Girl: Okay then, please come in.

Jakurai: Thank you. Excuse me.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Girl: How did Hifumi get someone as famous as you to come here?

Jakurai: I am honoured. Did you know about me?

Girl: Please don’t treat me like a fool, there’s basically no one who doesn’t know you in Japan.

Jakurai: So, you already know I am a doctor - Hifumi-kun has asked me to treat your condition.

Girl: Treat?

Jakurai: Ah, you might have some sort of mental illness.

Girl: I am normal!

Jakurai: Your feelings towards Hifumi is slightly beyond the usual.

Girl: Then??

Jakurai: Sorry, I didn’t catch that…

[picks up a knife]

Girl: Are you saying that my feelings towards Hifumi is illness? Stop kidding me!

Jakurai: Calm down, I’m not here to be your enemy, I’m here to help!

Girl: Shut up! My love towards Hifumi is true! Unlike those shameless b*tches!

Hifumi: (breaks in) Jakurai-san! Are you alright?

Girl: (happy noise) Hifumi! I knew it, you do love me! After I kill you, I can also go to die, then our love will be forever and ever!

Hifumi: If that’s what makes you happy, Kitten, I’ll gladly give my life. But then, in that case I won’t be able to repay your love. It’s easy to choose death; however, other than that, I think living is harder. I will try my best to help you rehabilitate; so, could you please put down the knife?   

Girl: Hifumi...

Hifumi: You see?

Girl: Aaaaaaah stop kidding me! Rehabilitate my ass! I don’t believe that my feelings are an illness! That’s why I have to kill Hifumi, and prove it to everyone!   

[music]

Jakurai:

Please stop, for what are you doing this

If you die, love and everything will be all gone

I won’t give up on you Please live, whatever path you choose is up to you

You can shine more  

You future is right before your eyes

There are no paths slashed open by blades

It was but a bad dream

Please trust me and rely on me

[/music]

Girl: Ahhhhhh

[drops knife]

[cries]

Girl: I, I did something that I shouldn’t to Hifumi...

Hifumi: It’s just a bad dream. Now you’ve woken up from it. Just think about that the next morning is coming soon, Kitten.

Girl: Although Hifumi is fine, I can’t forgive myself. I shall end myself to make up for my mistake!

[gasps] [runs, probably jumped]

Hifumi: Gotcha!

Girl: Let me go! I can’t face the world anymore!

Jakurai: I’m pulling you up now, hold on a bit!

[screams]

Jakurai: Hifumi-kun!

Girl: Why?! You will be crushed under me!

Hifumi: At least, that’s the only way to save you

Girl: Hifumi!!!

[landed on something]

Hifumi: A mat?

Doppo: Oh well, always be prepared for the worst. Hifumi! You owe me one, again.

Hifumi: (laughs) That’s why people need friends. I owe you so much, as always.

[highfives]

Jakurai: (chuckles) Good grief. Utterly intriguing, both of them

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jakurai: She is unconscious, let’s get her to the hospital I work at.  

Doppo: Doctor, thank you very much for this. You have always been helping me a lot, whatever I can do to repay you, I will.   

Hifumi: Me too, Jakurai-san. I’ll absolutely repay you for your kindness.  

Jakurai: Oh, can you guys take these?

Hifumi: Those are...hypnosis mics?

Jakurai: As the men you’re, you should know how to rap right?

Doppo: M-more or less...

Hifumi: Not that I can’t, but to show you, doctor…  

Jakurai: (laughs) If you think you owe me a favour, could you try doing it for me?

[Hypmic on sfx]

Doppo:

Everyday the same loop

Everything is my fault

Shitty life

No one’d give a damn

Boring

Society is cold but somehow it’s warmer now

Through the mic I deliver my resentful rhymes

That’s my style

Hifumi:

My own control

Always ON and OFF

That and this and that are all mine (boku) and mine(ore) and mine (watashi) (2)

I am an enemy like the Last Boss (3)

The rainbow after the storm is always the best (lit. the view after you put effort)

[/Music]

Jakurai: (thought) Instead of skills, their rap show off their striking personalities. (laughs) They’re the real deal!

Doppo: Um, here’s you mic back.   

Hifumi: Eh? Doctor?

Jakurai: Can you please keep these?

Both: Ehh?

Jakurai: Do you two want to change the world together with me?

“Mengo” here is a super casual/insincere way to say sorry (“gomen”)

Hifumi here used different ways to say “I”, signifying different personalities He used “Boku”, “Ore” and “Watashi” i.e. - Boku = a more polite way to say “I”, especially used talking to ppl more senior. eg Saburo uses “boku” with Ichiro - Ore = more rude, more masculine, usually for grown man/ not in a formal setting/when in a higher position. eg Jiro and Ichiro both uses Ore to call themselves - Watashi = neutral way to say “I”, the standard way and polite, but not as humble as “boku”. eg Jakurai uses “watashi” with HifuDo. interesting fact: he uses “watakushi” in his solo rap, which is an ultra formal way to say “I”.  For Hifumi, He used “Orecchi” when he’s not in suit, and “boku” when he is. 

Last boss as in the final enemy in a game

[dah-knee-cuh]

Ready & Action

Summary / Request: ‘Could you do an imagine where tom and the reader have to [do] a sex scene and their both really awk about [it] bcs it’s both of their first?’ / It’s more than a few takes to finally set yourself straight with Tom, for your characters and for your own relationship. (no smut)

Warnings: a little makeout scenes, fluff, swear words?

Gender Neutral / anon request

Word Count: 1135

    The scene was set perfectly. The dim lights, the pinks and oranges of the sunset peeking through the curtained windows of the hotel room, and of course the bouquet of red roses that begged to be adored.

         The flowers were displayed beautifully, a bundle of over two dozen roses that splashed color into the dull room. A space filled with shades of brown, from the beige walls to the coffee paintings, and to the cream white comforters and wall trimming, the contrasting cherry red blossoms conveniently matched the red of your gifted watch. A watch that seemed to tick for forever as you sat on the desk chair admiring the bouquet topped off with a card from the man who holds your heart.

As the clock ticked, with each passing second passed, 7PM went by, the furrow of your brows deepened and the usual patient nature you displayed, thinned.

SLAM

                                                 Take 1

          Barely flinching when the hotel door swung open and clicked shut, you turn around to see Tom. He, coming straight from some fancy party, evident from his suit and tie, while on the other hand you came straight from work, clad in black jeans and a well fitted white button down. His usual curls styled back, but a few of his strands coming undone and perfectly falling atop his forehead.

“You finally made it,” you sass, putting the card down yet refusing to get up as you drink in more of his appearance. Your eyes traveling down to his expensive dress shoes, to the top of his neatly folded collar, before meeting his eyes again and catching him do the same to you.

“I thought I should stop by,” Tom retorts in his cheeky English accent. His debonair attitude shining through his slightly cocky tone and in his saunter as he makes his way directly in front of you, “I was told there was a must see event going on.”

“We-“You start before breaking character and laughing. Turning to the director sitting behind the cameras across the room, you ask incredulously, “I’m sorry, a must see event? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Love, I think that’s supposed to be your arse,” Tom barely lets out as he too, is bent over laughing.

           As you and Tom share a laugh, you leaning on his stomach as you can barely hold yourself up right, while he keeps trying to reel himself in, but bursts out laughing again each time you two make eye contact.  Eventually the two of you collect yourselves, but the smile you had to bite down to keep yourself straight faced and the smile eye crinkles Tom had, stayed.

                                                            Take 5

          Tom gripped the back of your thighs, and held you close to him as he kissed you. Before placing you on the desk, and in one sweeping motion, Tom cleared the table. With your arms wrapped around his neck, the clatter of your flowers caused you to pull away from him.

“My flowers,” you say with heavy breaths.

“Love, I can always send you more,” Tom exhales before capturing your lips in his again.

                    The kiss bordered sloppy. Tom starting to push you backwards, but keeping a steady arm on your back to keep you upright. Letting go of his curls you combed your fingers through, your fumbling hands tried to undo his tie. Without tearing yourself away from Tom, you started to pull harder on the knot hoping it would unravel, but with no luck. Breaking the kiss you lay your forehead on Tom’s shoulder as he sucked on the soft spot on your neck. The euphoria from Tom’s actions and the shaking of your hands were not helping you try to undo his tie.

“Need help there, love?” He whispers in your ear.

“No, I got this,” you huff, hoping the dim lights prevented Tom from seeing the blush flowering on your cheeks.

Finally untying the cloth, he pulls away from you with a slight smirk, “Took you long enough darling.”

                                                         Take 9

“Y/N. Tom. How about we take a second before we start the scene again. You guys seem like you need it,” the director says bouncing his legs repeatedly and clenching his palms in his lap.

              You and Tom couldn’t get through the scene, either one of you broke character, messed up the lines, or the nervousness from doing your first sex scene got the better of the both of you. Despite being professional actors who have years of experience on their belt, you two couldn’t fully separate yourselves from your characters during the scene.

              You couldn’t help but to indulge in the feeling of Tom’s tongue in your mouth and his hand squeezing your ass. Maybe you got a little too into the scene and acted out of character. What should’ve been the climax of the two character arcs, the end of the sexual tension between someone who supposedly has zero sexual experience and someone who was all talk and no bite, you and Tom were a little too confident to come off clueless.

            Once the director yelled cut, you slowly got up from straddling Tom and took a seat on the bed next to him. He, on the other hand, remained laying down and only sighed when you threw a glance his way.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says moving to button his shirt.

“You should leave your shirt off, you know, for the scene,” you blurt, the tips of your ears instantly heating up and your gaze quickly dropping from his face to his abs. “But what was that exaggerated sigh about?”

“Well love, don’t you think it’s a little weird that although we have feelings for each other- don’t look so shocked I know, you’re rather honest when you get drunk and you told Harrison about it, who also can’t keep a secret for his life when wasted. As I was saying, since neither of us have acted on them, the first time we do anything about it-.”

“You mean sex? Fake sex?” You deadpan.

“Yes fake sex, is on camera for thousands of people to watch?”

“You’re right, I mean we could change that. Since you just admitted our feelings for the both of us, we could act on it,” you insinuate.

“What happened to not dating your co-star,” Tom sasses lifting his head up, catching you roll your eyes while biting back a smile.

“Okay, are you two ready to actually get through this scene?” The director interrupts.

Crawling back to straddle him, you grab both sides of his unbuttoned, button-down. Catching his gaze, your eyes flicked between his eyes and lips, before you capture his lips, you whisper, “I guess I can make an exception just this once.”

“Don’t wait for me, your director, to start the scene then,” he mutters, “ready? And… Action.”

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A/N : sorry to the anon who requested this ages ago and to all the other requests I promise I’m getting to them I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Hopefully I got my groove back and let me know if you guys liked this!

[chibstelfordimagines]

They Get Violent

Chibs

I could tell that he was in a bad mood the minute he walked in. Whenever Chibs was like this an unpleasant tension would always followed him, like a thick fog which choked everyone around him. Chibs threw his keys on the kitchen table with a force shooting me a glare when I turned to greet him.

“Hey babe, bad dad?” I ask moving forward to give him a kiss but he moves out of the way before I can reach him.

“I don’t want to talk about it, I’m fine” he hissed with venom in his voice. I froze at this, whenever he had come home in a bad mood I could always put him in a better one but tonight I felt like an argument was going to present its self.

“You are not fine Fillip. I think by now I should know when you are and when you are not fine!” My voice raises slightly as the fog begins to work its magic. Fillip turned back to me a bitter laugh leaving him as he does.

“What after only being with each other for a few months ye think that ye know me lassie!” He was shouting now but I held my ground not flinching from the harshness of his voice. The one thing that I had been given advice on when I became an old lady is that you can’t let them walk all over you but at the same time you have to be clear on your boundaries. This piece of advice must have somehow slipped my mind as this argument escalated.

“We have known each other for years! And don’t come into our home and start taking out your frustration on me Fillip! I’m not the reason your in a mood oh but you know what I might as well be since you won’t bloody tell me what happen!” Their was fire burning in his eyes at my outburst which was growing in volume. He wasn’t used to me shouting like this and by the looks of it he didn’t like it.

“Awk, ye know what I’m going to go stay at the clubhouse tonight cause a canny be bothered with your shite tonight” Chibs accent grew thicker as his anger rose. He was the type to try and avoid fights with me and try to leave half way threw arguments where as I am in it to the bitter end. He tries to push past me to get to his keys but I quickly stop him.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me when you started this!” I say grabbing hold of his upper arm and without any thought he spins around and pushes my body with the full weight of his sending me flying backwards. My head hits off of the metal handle of the cabinet and then bounces off of the tiled kitchen floor. The pain is immediate and intense as I put my hands up to cradle the back of my head and to my horror when I bring my hand back to my face it is covered in a dark crimson colour. Blood. My face pales and I feel sick. I look up to Fillip and his face has gone whiter than mine as his face shows not other emotion than regret.

“Y/N-” he tries to speak but I cut him off

“Don’t” I whisper moving my body to sit up but begin to feel light headed as I do I hold on to the cabinet handle for support.

“Love, I didn’t mean to - you know I would never -” he can’t seem to find he words as he stands there looking helpless and sorry

“I know” I whisper yet again unable to find my voice, he moves closer to me and I flinch. Hurt is clear on his face.

“Baby I’m not going to hurt you-”

“But you did Fillip” he looks as if he’s about to answer but I cut him off again “just leave”

“But-”

“GET OUT” I scream my voice breaking and he jumps at the sudden noise. Slowly he moves backwards towards the table and grabs his keys.

“I’m so sorry love” he says making no eye contact with his head down. I take the opportunity to let the tears which have been pooling in my eyes fall and stream down my face. Without another word he moves quickly down the hall and he is out the front door in seconds leaving me to cry alone on the kitchen floor.

Tig

I couldn’t get over it. He had done the one thing I always warned him of, the one thing he knew I wouldn’t take lying down. I felt the sting on my skin before I had realised what happened and I could feel the redness forming rapidly. The room grows tense and I am unable to comprehend what has just happened.

“Y/N” he whispers his voice breaking and I know he didn’t mean it, I know that he loves me and didn’t intentionally hurt me but that’s what the club does to pure hearted souls. It chews them up and spits them out.

“I warned you” is all I say as I keep my eyes fixated on the wall to my right where my head had uncontrollably turned on account of the impact from Alex’s hand. “I knew this would happen if you kept being in Clays pocket-”

“I am not in Clays pocket!” Now I turn to look at him my eyes full of sympathy and tears as I watch the man I love unable to come to terms with what he has become.

“Alex baby, you are and you know it. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have let Clay order you to kill a brother and went though with it blindly and as a readily you kill his wife instead” my voice rises with intensity as I become more emotional as I re-live Donna’s death “you killed my best friend and you sat with me night anger night as I cried and never told me what you did! You never told me that you killed her!”

“You would have never forgiven me” he says in a feeble attempt at defending himself. Scoffing I look to him in disbelief.

“You know that’s not true, I would have understood because I know you! Yes I would have been angry but I would have know that it wasn’t your fault and that Clay misused your loyalties with him!” Anger once again rose upon his face at the mention of Clays miss use of Tig’s loyalty which was what had gotten me the slowly forming bruise on my face in the first place.

“I already told you! I’m not in his fucking pocket so keep your god damn mouth shut about shit you don’t know anything about!” your left in shock as Alex screams at you. He had never done anything like this to you before and it left you mute. Realisation quickly flashes across his eyes as he takes in your destroyed expression.

“Babydoll-”

“No Alex” you voice come out stern and strong “Get out before you do something else you regret and don’t come back until you have gotten rid of the poison that is Clay Morrow from your life”

You both stand their knowing that Tig may never be able to do that, knowing that this will stretch your relationship to its limit and that Alex may not choose you over the club - over Clay. The thought crushed you because this might be your last memory of you and Tig, you hated that it had to this one. One that left a bruise on the side of you face ensuring that you will have a constant reminder of this night for weeks to come. Without another word Alex leaves and you feel a relief wash over you from the thought of not fighting with him for the entire night, which had become a retune for you both. However you felt that tonight would be worse as you wouldn’t be making up with the love of your life and cuddeling in bed into the early hours of the morning rather, you will be crying yourself to sleep unable to think of anything else than that of the throbbing pain on your check and who left it there.

Juice

You couldn’t believe that he had done it. You had loved him since you where sixteen, followed him wherever he wanted to go and did nothing but support him when he joined the club - you did not deserve what had just happened to you. Juice had came home in a sate, he was muttering to himself and frantically walking around your apartment. Concerned you tried to calm him down but upon mentioning the club he lost it. Pushing you back against the wall making you hit the back of your head then proceeding to choke you. The bruising had started as soon as he had tightened his grip. You managed to somehow get him off of you and when you did you ran as fast as you could to your bedroom and quickly locked the door so no one could get in.

“Y/N…I’m so sorry” came the whimpering voice of Juan from the other side of the door and you closed you eyes knowing that if you listened to him you would end up opening the door, you couldn’t take the chance. You listened to his pleas silently from where you sat on the bed. When you caught sight of your phone , from where it lay on the bed, you quickly took a hold of it knowing exactly who to call as Juice continued his muttering from the other side of the door. Within two rings he had answered.

“Hiya love, everything okay?” The soothing voice of Fillip Telford came from the other end of the line. A voice of comfort that you had recently grown accustomed to.

“Fillip” It comes out shaky and a bit scratchy from how long you had been crying.

“What’s the matter love, what’s happened?” The frantic voice of the man that had been flirting with you for months behind Juices back said though the phone.

“He-e … Juice he los-st it and he em …” Its quiet on the other end the only thing that could be heard was Fillips breathing, ” he came-e ho-ome in a stat-te and he banged my head off-f of the w-wall and - and h-he choked me-e"

“Where are you right now y/n?” Despite how well he tied to hide it you could clearly hear the anger in his voice.

“I locked myself in-n the b-bedroom, he’s o-outside the door” you answer while trying to calm your breathing

Yea “I’m going to be there in 10 minutes, okay? Do not move” and with that he hung up the phone leaving you to make a difficult decision. You knew that if you didn’t tell Juice that Chibs was coming he would get a bad beating from the Scot and if you did tell him he could try and escape this mess he’s made for himself.

“Juicy?” You say softy and you know that he’ll hear.

“Y/N I’m so sorry-”

“Juice listen to me” you say cutting him off “you have to leave”

“Leave? What do you mean leave?” Moving closer to the door you rest your head against it salty tears once agin streaming down your face.

“I phoned Fillip…I told him what you did Juicy and if your here when he gets here - you might not walk out of this house alive baby” and just like that you forgive him. You know that you couldn’t be with him again - that you wouldn’t be able to trust him again but that didn’t change the love you have for him, the love that you knew would never go away.

“But what about you” his voice cracks mid sentence and your heart breaks

“After this Juan it wouldn’t ever work between us and once the guys find out about this - on top of everything else… they’ll kill you. I’ll be fine her the club will look after me I’ll give you whatever money you need but I can’t watch the only family I’ve got kill the man I love” you pause trying to calm down but it doesn’t work “please don’t make me watch you die baby” sobbing you shake your head trying not to picture what they would do to your childhood love.

It goes silent and you can her his ridged breathing from the other side of the door as he decides upon his fate. Finally he speaks. “I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. Im sorry” and with that he’s gone. Leaving you alone with the club - the people who want the most important person in you life dead. As you waited for Fillip you came to terms with what had happened and what is going to happen. Juan was the man you loved but you would soon learn to love Fillip because in this life you have to adapt because if you don’t you’ll enough just like Juan.

Happy

Happy had never hurt you and he had always promised that he never would but as the pressure from the club grew on his shoulders he became more and more distant as time went on. He would usually be extremely affectionate towards you but he hadn’t come close to you in weeks, sleeping on the couch, leaving before you woke up, coming home after you had gone to sleep and staying out all weekend when he knew you where home all day from work. He was avoiding you so you decided to take matters into your own hands.

Driving into the lot you instantly lay your eyes on the man who had been avoiding you for weeks. Your not sure why but he’s the only one there, his bike sat alone and their was no other sign of his brothers. Good, at least you wouldn’t have an audience for this. Making your way towards him you notice Gemma in her office and she throws you a smile before turning back to the paper work she was hunched over. “Happy” it came out emotionless and he didn’t even acknowledge your presence. “Don’t ignore me”

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to little girl” it come out as a growl but at least he is talking to you, that’s a start.

“Oh finally he speaks” you usually know not to be snarky to him when your fighting but you just wanted a reaction from him. Anything something because you had gone far too long without looking into those brown eyes of his.

“Watch it girlie” he grumbles as he stands from his bent over position across a cars engine and for a minute your breathless. His dark and dangerous eyes stared straight into your soul and it made your pain even worse. It make you think of how much you had missed him and also how angry you where that he had practically abandoned you.

“Watch it girlie? I’ll do whatever the fuck I want little girl? Really, that’s all you have to say to me right now” your voice bitter and a scowl placed upon your face as you confronted Hap “not I’m sorry I’ve been a prick lately, and I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you and acting like I don’t love you anymore”

“What are you taking about?” He has a clear look of annoyance on his face. The way he said those words they make you sound as if your crazy, as if your a stupid fling trying to cling onto him.

“Are you serious right now? You’ve been avoiding me for almost a month now, sleeping on the couch, not coming home at the weekends and you haven’t came near me for even longer than that - what is it about you that is so repulsed by me that you can hardly even stand to look at me!” I am screams at this point and I can tell that he’s at breaking point but I don’t care I keep going because fuck him, I need to let off some steam “what the fuck is wrong with you? Why can you see that your tearing me apart! Why can you stop being a fucking asswhole-”

Then I was on the floor. It took me a few seconds to realise what had happened but the burning pain in my jaw confirmed that I haven’t imagined it. He had punched me. Without any hesitation or a second though he floured me. Blood was pouring out of my mouth and noise. Am scared to look back up at him but I give my self to, if only to let him see the damage he had cause.

“I…I” he is unable to form worlds as his eyes take in what he did. The door cone ring Gemma’s office to the garage opens and out come the queen with a stern face and an ice cold glare aimed at Happy. “I didn’t mean-”

“No but you did” the coldness in Gemma’s voice surprises both me and Happy as she comes to my aid. She kneels down in front of me and examines my face as she does so their is a rumble of bikes pulling into the lot, great the audience has arrived. “I think you’ve fractured your jaw sweetheart, you gotta get to a hospital” Gem helps me up and I let a few tears slip not only from the physical pain but the emotional pain which I had never experienced so intensely in my life.

As Gemma turns me to walk towards her car I am met with a group of worried faces, with one in particular standing out. Tig was in my face examining my entire body for anything other that the visual damage. When he’s satisfied his watering eyes bore into mine.

“Who the hell did this to you doll” and before I could answer my surrogate brother a deep yet shattered voice comes from behind us.

“I did” before I have time to react Tig has flung himself at Hap as I try to scream out as best I can as the while being forced away but not only Gemma but Chibs and Jax too. Then push me back towards the car as I watch Alex scram in Haps face before the punches begin. Happy doesn’t fight back, he takes it at one point dropping to his knees. The tears stream down my blood stained face because despite what he did I can’t help but love him.

(Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes it haven’t been prof read)

Tig tag: @sarcastic-lunatic @lolsthecat @redwoodog @soafanficluvr1 @girl-with-no-faith-in-medicine @fortheloveofthesoa @one-charming-life @khyharah@samcrolivesforever @redwoodog @chaosmieu @telford-ortiz-teller @thegoodthebadandtheempty @soaoriginal @anarchyrenegade @jade770 @realpowertwix @supernaturalanarchyetc., here is the taglist


Chibs tag: @sarcastic-lunatic @lolsthecat @redwoodog @soafanficluvr1@girl-with-no-faith-in-medicine @fortheloveofthesoa @one-charming-life@khyharah@samcrolivesforever @redwoodog @chaosmieu @dolphingoddess81 @telford-ortiz-teller @thegoodthebadandtheempty @anarchyrenegade @jade770 @realpowertwix @supernaturalanarchy @sam-samcro @telfords-glasgow-smile


Juice tag:@sarcastic-lunatic @lolsthecat @soafanficluvr1@fortheloveofthesoa @khyharah@samcrolivesforever @redwoodog @calumonoxide@ineedthesons @chaosmieu @mentalfictionleftmyassbehind @dolphingoddess81 @telford-ortiz-teller @thegoodthebadandtheempty @jade770 @supernaturalanarchy


Happy tag: @sarcastic-lunatic @lolsthecat @redwoodog @soafanficluvr1@fortheloveofthesoa @one-charming-life @khyharah@samcrolivesforever @redwoodog @calumonoxide@ineedthesons @chaosmieu @thegoodthebadandtheempty @soaoriginal @jade770 @supernaturalanarchy

[rem102]

The Mission To Space

Prologue Ch.1 Ch.2

Summary: An innocent night at an R.F.A. party turns into a one night stand, and taking down a terrorist organization.  

Tags: 707x MC, Saeyoung x MC

Rating: Mature (adult themes and language)

Authors Note: Sorry it took forever to add a new chapter. I need to get back to writing! 

--MC POV--

"You might just be the first person to think that running after drinking copious amounts of alcohol is a smart idea," I mentioned slowing my heavy breathing as the elevator took us down floor by floor to the parking garage. My heart was pounding my breathing heavy from being led through the halls of the building. My purse and coat making my hands sweaty from my tight grasp. Slowly the small circular floor lights in the elevator lit up as the elevator went down floor by floor from the party’s main venue. It felt so agonizingly slow and I was becoming more and more aware of the lingering warmth holding my opposite hand tightly.  I didn't even know what to say to make the tension lingering in the air disappear.

I must be out of my mind for just putting everything aside for just one moment of normalcy. I am completely selfish the alcohol making ignoring the pressing matters aside for just a night longer. Seven was the first to break the lingering silence between the two of us. "Just wait until you see my baby," Seven excitedly mentioned his eye brows raising up and down behind his now tousled bangs from his red hair swept into his face. Seven was playfully squeezing my hand tighter in his grasp from his building excitement. 

I laughed at his playful smile. "Do you really have children?" I questioned wondering if a guy as young as he is had children of his own. Was he planning on bringing me home with him to his actual infant? Why did that even matter to me at this moment? More importantly what was this aching feeling in my chest at the thought he's been with someone else? Why did I feel like I was getting jealous? Seven is a good looking guy I wouldn’t be surprised if women would hang all over him. Who wouldn't love that crazy red hair or his childlike playfulness? The alcohol must be turning me into some possessive nightmare. "Hmm I have quite a few babies but this one is my favorite. I got her all nice and clean for tonight," he replied looking as if he was going to jump out of the doors as soon as they swung open. The elevator finally made it to the main level and had only one more floor before reaching the underground basement. The last 30 seconds of the ride to the basement felt dragged out. The elevator jerked to a steady halt and Sevens eyes were fixed on the doors. 

"So you weren't actually talking about a child then?" I asked as the doors to the elevator opened.  Seven led me out of the elevator door into the cold cement basement. Seven paused taking his hand from my own and held his stomach. Maybe it was a stupid question to ask after all. There was no way he could have children. He laughed full hardheartedly wiping a tear from laughing from his eye. "Hardly," he mentioned before smiling and reaching his open hand out for me. I grabbed his hand and hauled myself closer to him his arms wrapped around my waist to keep us both from falling backwards. He looked at me unsure of why I toppled towards him. I quickly leaned in to kiss the side of his cheek. "Come on. That elevator took entirely too long." I said with a smile my cheeks red in embarrassment. Sevens hand touched the side of his face where my lips were just pressed and he rubbed it slowly. He shook his shocked expression now replaces with his gentle smile. Seven put one of his hand inside his pant pocket and the other reached out for me. "It would help if I lead the way." He said slowing his brisk pace to one I could keep up with our hands swinging with each gentle stride and still walking and in hand with me to wherever his vehicle was parked. 

"You thought I actually had a baby?" He teased with a smirk on his face as he led me up a slight incline in the garage. My heels clacking on the pavement beneath me as it echoed in the quiet car garage around us. "You never know. I am not one to question your lifestyle," I replied as he released my hand leaving his warmth behind against my skin. I could still feel the lingering of his touch ghosted on my fingers. He dug inside his pant pockets frantically searching in his jacket pockets and patting down his thighs in the classic search for his missing keys. Seven pulled out one pocket completely and then the other pocket and then immediately began patting down his back pockets. “Ah! Got them!” He laughed grabbing his set of keys and holding them up in triumph for finding the key and then smiled at me. I noticed a peculiar looking white cat fob dangling from the chain with his car keys. Seven was clearly a huge fan of cats. I made a mental note to keep that in mind if I began feeling nervous again. Surely a guy who likes animals could not be bad person to go home with right?  

Up ahead of the two of us was a glistening ruby red two door McLaren sports car. I had to admit Seven had style. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that he owned an expensive sports car. My jaw must have been left on the floor behind me from how shocked I was to see the McLaren in front of me. You can hardly get your hands on these cars unless you are rolling in money, or happen to win a street race or circuit racing in Europe. "You are kidding right? You own this?" I asked admiring the sleek exterior. Every inch of the car is built for one thing, speed. “There is just no way,” I exclaimed shocked and needing to have a closer look. Having spent most of my life admiring cars like this one it was a complete shock to see one in front of me in person. More than anything I was excited to see the interior too. Seven was watching me quietly letting me take in his child in all its racing glory. He was so casual about it leaning against the frame of the car watching intently as I ogled his ride.

"One of my favorite babies, and also one of many. You like her?" He asked unlocking the car door that opened towards the ceiling as he carefully eased it open. "It honestly must be your child," I laughed pointing at his hair, “you have the same hair color," I mentioned as he flipped the strands of his hair out of his face. "Do you make it a habit collecting limited edition sports cars? Which model is this car? I mean I'm not an idiot to know that this is McLaren but still each model had different horsepower and specialty collector edition features." I needed to stop talking at rapid pace and let him speak. Seven was kind enough to not look at me as if I was insane with all the questions I was asking. I hoped I wasn’t messing this up terribly. I’m sure he didn’t want to talk in too much detail considering he was bringing be back to his home to do god knows what with. I didn’t want to hold out hope that he wasn’t like the other guys but the fear still lingered in the back of my mind.

"Considering most girls have no idea the car model let alone any of my other friends remotely understand consider me impressed. She is a 570-S." Seven walked to the opposite driver’s side door and lifted it up towards the ceiling all the while looking smug about what little knowledge I did have about cars. I couldn’t help but bite my lip in embarrassment. I somehow bulked up the courage to look walk over to the driver’s side door standing next to him.  "How fast does she go?" I asked feeling much more timid standing next to his tall figure I could not but help but stare at his lips. A part of me wanted him to kiss me again and another part of me was trying to rationalize the current situation I was in. Sober I would have never wanted this man to kiss me as much as I wanted him to right now.

I shook the doubts in my head walking back over to the passenger side and I leaned against the red frame of the car with Seven trailing behind me. "Why don't we find out?" Seven replied raising his eyebrows leaving it open for me to respond to his question.  Curiosity was getting the best of me for wanting to ride in his car and also wanting his lips on mine once again.

Seven held out his hand as a kind gesture to help me get into the car with my dress. I stared up at him a slight blush lingering on his cheeks. He looked just as nervous if not more as I did. I didn’t want his hand at least not right then at least. I took a step towards him and never taking my eyes off of his ember eyes. “Umm”, he mumbled I’m sure he was uncertain what exactly I was doing. I placed my hand against his chest letting my fingers drift down the soft red fabric under his black jacket. There was only one way I was going to get what I wanted and that was to make the first move. I brought my hand and brought his head towards my own. Closing my eyes I anticipated his lips against my own. His warm lips finding my own my body melting at his touch. Sevens arm suddenly wrapped around my waist pulling me even closer to him. I as the first to pull away leaving us both breathless. In embarrassment I tried to hide my flushed face from him. “Don’t hide,” he said his fingers cupping the back of my head as he pulled me in for another kiss. This time Sevens lips were much more fierce against my own. Seven allowed his tongue play against my mouth lining my lip as if asking for permission. There was no way I was going to let him have the upper hand. I leaned further into his firm grasp returning his kiss with just as much need as he was giving. I let my tongue trace his own lips just like his game and he welcomed me with his own tongue immediately making him tense before relaxing his arm wrapped around me. Our mouths and hands against each other danced in what felt like a burning flame against my skin in an all-consuming fire. Who knows how long we stayed like that our lips battling for the upper hand. I was not going to protest at where this was headed but at this rate someone will find us in an awkward position at some point. I pressed my hand against his chest to gently break the kiss. Both of our breathing unsteady and gasping for air. Seven leaned his head against my own. God he was an amazing kisser. I took a deep breath before replying "I like it fast". I watched as the shade of red spear across his cheeks leaving him once again lost for words. I didn't want to pull away from his embrace but I casually began to sit down in the passenger side seat leaving Seven almost stunned. "Good thing," he said before closing the door on the passenger side before almost sprinting to his seat in the driver’s seat.

The interior of the cherry red car was just as sleek and trimmed as on the outside. The striking contrasting black leather seats still had that new car smell. A completely up to date dashboard with latest features in newer models of cars. I would not be surprised if he didn't have hidden special feature. How could he afford something like this? What the hell did he do for a living? Even I don't make enough money to collect sports cars. He had to do something insane to be able to afford that car. At this point I didn’t really even care.

"Ready to hear this baby purr?" He asked sliding into the driver’s seat. Seven reached for my hand that was resting in my lap as he interlocked his fingers with my own and resting it on the shared arm rest. He smirked with a shy smile at the gesture before putting the keys into the ignition. I nodded biting my lip out of nervousness. With a turn of the keys the red beast turned on as the sleek lights illuminated the interior. You could hear the powerful engine humming as the car came to life as we left the R.F.A. party behind.

[survivorinternational]

Episode 5 - "I'm on a tribe full of fat flops." - Randy

Sooo breaking news of the day: Michael just approached me about working together with Emily I think the Veni boot made him spooked as well because he's been doing well in challenges too But Michael and Emily are the two I've been getting along the most with on this new tribe so I'm definitely not opposed to that He asked if I wanted to include someone else and I said, well, obviously I have a good relationship with Ginger since we started out on the same tribe But we shall see what happens The Ginger-Tyler connection could possibly complicate things Plus I predict Michael has an alliance with the og Ala Mai as well He's probably trying to secure his spot at merge right now But I'm open to any plans, and Michael would definitely be a good shield for me so I don't want to get rid of him anytime soon I could see us working together well Update: Talked to Ginger and as I predicted, he was not as ecstatic about the thought of working with Michael as he would've been about working with Tyler + Emily. But we agreed that it is always good to have as many allies as possible and we shouldn't turn this opportunity down. Michael should be doing the chat later tonight. Kinda hope we would've won reward, since none of the advantages seem to be on my good side as of now, and that's going to become a problem later in the game. But I can't really complain since there was no way I was going to step up and do the comp, I don't need any more attention drawn towards myself. My plan of laying lower has now put into action. I gave the immunity challenge my good 80% in hopes of avoiding tribal while not being the top scorer for my tribe. Plus I feel I am naturally bad at this type of challenge where you have to think and type really fast. I just hope I didn't flop ENTIRELY. I know my capitals and survivor seasons but the rest of the categories were not my jam at all. Also, according to Andreas 'Fuck' is a movie???? Who would've thought. Scored me a point so not complaining in the slightest. My social game is still kinda lacking, been feeling lazy to start conversations lately so I haven't talked to some of these people in a while. Ugh. I should fix that.  Emphasis on SHOULD. Not sure if I will. 

Man it really sucks that all it took was 5 points from anyone of us to win that challenge and it frustrates me that I scored a pretty good score, not the highest but I'm in danger of going home. I wasted my idol last tribal council and I have no more spare protection on me so it's like the game has taken a whole new life for me and it's all about social manoeuvring now. But the way I see it, if the tribe was playing long term, they would take out either Stephen or me because there's still 5 OG ala mai left compared to the 4 of the two other tribes, so I need to make myself useful to clash and allan and goat for them to save my butt because I need to M A K E  M E R G E. 

i’m drunk but we won we won we won baby boy we won boy i am happy i don’t have to vote off anyone i am drhnk 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nt5bJDsUcCzUm-0tWRCtDbr6NRD78ntq/view?usp=drivesdk

Wooooohoooo we won the challenge, so no tribal once again! And I didn't even overperform this time, so that's just great. I hope to keep this going. I bet the Faatasi are sad they voted Veni out now, some of them tried their absolute hardest and they would've destroyed us if Veni was included in that group haha. But that's what you get, now you gotta vote someone out again! I hope to see some more idols or advantages being used so they can't be used against me later in the game haha. I'm gonna be really fucked if I don't find anything!!! I'm gonna get idoled out again fuck yesssss I can feel it. If Sluggy didn't perform so well in the challenge I would definitely predict he's going tonight, but I'm not as sure anymore. I kinda have a feeling Clash has the Faatasi idol because he stopped sharing me his idol guesses pretty early.... But that's simply a guess, literally anyone but me could have it haha. Anyhow I hope someone from og Ala Mai or Saolotoga is going tonight, just for numbers' sake. I haven't had a chance to meet them yet and it would be more difficult to start bonding at merge when there's so much tension and power shifts happening! It'll be interesting to see how their tribal turns out since the og tribes are split 2-2-2 on their side right now. Ginger is definitely not a huge fan of Michael, but we both agreed it's great for us if we let him run the show on our side right now. If we manage to work from his shadows, hopefully people will come at him come merge instead of us. 

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Wait a minute the hosts want us to be around tonight after tribal council Are we merging???? Please no not yet I'm not ready!!!! It's a busy weekend for me

Doing this before i get in trouble. Why must they always remind me of confessionals when im at work or bed. Veni deserved better Its a bit Quiet in the Ala Mai alliance chat. Made new Alliance with Vilma, Ginger and Emily Immunity Challenge: Not happy with scores... could have done much bettee. Got scores back... 2nd best in tri e and the tribe won... huh... Safe for another day. Still no idol. Merge is being suggested... please not yet... i need more time

Lemme just say I don't feel so good about this tribal council. No one seems to be anywhere which makes me believe that I'm the target. All I can do is pray to God, but if He wants me gone now He'll send me home now. If He wants me to stay He will make a way and I just gotta trust Him. 

um so this round has been very tough because we lost again but I genuinely don't want to keep Stephen in the dark the reason I told him, if that bites me in the ass its my own fault but I am thinking for long term and I really hope sludgy goes by a unanimous vote here and everything will be perfect 

I'm so glad we won again! It is so nice to be on such a winning tribe. 

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Did I submit? I dont remember. The bad thing about not going to tribal is that idk who I can work with.

So obvious the four of me Allan and randy are staying together. Stephen pulled me and clash into an alliance and that saved him and now sluggy is hopefully going to go home. I’m super pissed we lost by 4 points but it’s all based on loyalty for me this round, challenge abilities are out the window tbh 

Hopefully merge is not THAT soon ! If it is I will lay low at the beginning because I suck at taking control when the numbers are so big and messy . Also I hope an ala Mai member will get evicted tonight so it will be 4-4-4 tribal division 

i’m in an alliance with vilma, ginger, and michael! i’m happy with where i’m at in this game tbh. very content. and i think merge is next too gurl!!!!!!! i’m excited very very excited

We won the challenge again which is good, but knowing that Sluggy felt unsafe enough to play an idol, it is a slight worry for Stephen and Stephen, hopefully they vote off Randy or someone, but there's a good possibility won of them goes. The upcoming rumoured merge is slightly worrying, I have talked a bit to Vilma and Emily but Ginger and Liana haven't spoken much to me, and reply with very little substance. Coming into a merge I would love to keep everyone who is willing to speak to me in as long as possible. It might be best for me to "throw" a few of the first merge challenges to keep a target off of my back. After what happened to Veni, I don't trust that the threats wont go early.

Hi the power four which are me clash pay and allan are deciding to evict sluggy ive been building bonds with stephen, and trying to like mist sluggy but idk. If sluggy has an idol im afraid I'll go. But I scored the highest on the tribe so at least i didnt lose us the challenge so <<33 im on a tribe full of fat flops

Uhhh, everyone is really quiet, am I getting blindsided? This isn’t my time man I have so much more to put in to this game. If I get voted out I want everyone to know its Crash’s fault.

Okay so I was quite inactive this round but thank god clash really looked out for me this round and (to my knowledge) kept my name out of his mouth. All I have to do now is keep my head down and hopefully the 4 we’ve established can work together to get through this double.

So here I am, loving life, living it to the fullest. Getting drunk and also having a good time with no reception. So what I didn’t do was talk to anyone hehe awks. Anyway thriving. I’m now a close alliance with ginger hehe cheeky. Working hard on the challenge absolutely thriving

[katiemulvihillxo-blog]

12 June 2017

My luck ever going to change? This morning, me and Jord walked to the doctors and jords medication is getting brought down when he comes home, yay!!! Came back and we cuddled, lying there I knew saying goodbye won’t be easy. We lie there and I feel him trying to rub my belly and even though I hate when he does it, I love that he loves what I hate! He can accept me when I can’t even accept myself! He is so lovely and I love him so much. Anyway, went for my driving lesson today, I have gotten so much better, I’m so worried though when I start driving alone that something bass going to happen!! ;Right got back and got ready, put jords clothes in the wash and headed to town. Thought I'd give him a wee blowjob as a going away present but I can't even do that anymore. I used to be good, like really good? Now I can't even make him cum without him having to wank a bit. What's wrong with me? Apart from that Lovely wee walk, just chatting shite to him. Right I’ll continue this later because ed sheeran - kiss me is on tele and I know I’m going to start crying again. Got myself together now, I’ll crack on. So in town, got Jord shorts and stuff for his laundry then headed back. Got to jords and tension with Jord started to build. But let’s face it, it was inevitable. So I’ve being dying for a date night for months, like ever since we’ve started dating, we’ve never really had a date since our first date so I’ve being mad for us just to do something. Something other then sitting in a pub somewhere watching Jord look on Facebook or reply to some group chat. Firstly, was meant to go to the zoo, that got cancelled because of jords work meeting, which I completely understand! After that we were meant to go bowling and Martha’s but that got cancelled because he had to go to a funeral that he didn’t even want to go to but only went for a McDonald’s breakfast, don’t understand that excuse but I’d of accepted it if he had rearranged the date night. Anyway, we were then meant to go odyssey and do the whole bowling thing there, well that got sacked for Hatfield, obviously. And today was out final chance for a date before he went away. Well every other girlfriend got a date day before their boyfriends headed out? Gemma went beach and bowling and shit, aoife went for a meal, Jodie went for a meal and day out etc, but in between all the last min rushing around I was hoping to have a bit of time with my boyfriend so wanted to go parlour for lunch. Got to parlour and all he did was sit on his phone and text into his group chat, only conversation I think he made was how he didn’t like Long Island iced tea cocktail (because that’s what I was drinking) and how he was sweaty when he took off his jacket. I didn’t care at the time because I thought “well there’s still time”, but I hadn’t even finished my last slice of pizza and he’d invited Aaron. Like I really wouldn’t of minded if it was a wee bit later but seriously? Even the time we had together between Aaron walking to parlour weren’t together because he spent the whole time on the phone to his ma and Granney, which I don’t mind, but how was I meant to know that would literally be the last proper moment we would have together (other then when it all kicked off). Aaron arrived, it was grand, the three of us just chatted, it was alright actually, even though it was meant to be our time I didn’t really care once I was one pitcher down. Got half way down the second pitcher and the boys found out the rest of the boys were drinking at the crown. Both of them had finished their drink and obviously, Aaron probably feeling like a third wheel wanted to join the others, fair enough, but so did Jord. It was soo predictable, this so called date would be rushed so he could get out and meet them boys. To be fair, I didn’t really care, if he’d just let me finish my pitcher and go back, have a cuddle and a kiss and say our goodbyes but nope, weren’t gonna happen. Obviously he couldn’t wait for me to finish my pitcher so he goes “I’m away to the toilet”. 5 mins go. Thought he was away for a shite. 10 mins go. Thought he was getting a Guinness. 15 mins go. Snapchat him, see where he’s away too. 20 mins later. I got a snapchat of Jord away. Fucking stood up and abandoned??

Id been fucking stood up. Can’t fucking believe it, boyfriend of over 18 months stood me up to go and sit in a piss smelling pub with 11 other boys talking the same shite they always do: football, college and birds. Like I couldn’t believe at first, thought he might be away getting me a surprise or something so walked back to mine.

Walked into my room and there he was, standing, packing a suitcase. What was he hoping for? That the washing was dry so he could pack his bag and leave with me still sitting at parlour? When I confronted him about it, he had the audacity to say it was because “I’d been so negative about his holiday”. Right, if he had any clue, he knows I’m the complete opposite. Yes I’ve been nagging him about making sure he eats enough because I don’t want him ruining his holiday like his night at Hatfield. Yes, I’ve been nagging about not spending much because I know he ain’t got the money for rent and all so don’t want him wasting his hard earnt money on a few pints which last a few mins when he wants to buy an Xbox which he’d prefer next year. Yes I’ve been nagging about brothels and strip clubs but let’s face it, most boys holidays always end up on strip clubs or something, I know he wouldn’t want me in it the other way around, and plus them places are so dodgey in them countries, something will end up bad. Yes I’ve been nagging about how he weren’t ready, well what was I meant to say “oh yeah go ape!”, yeah right, a few weeks ago he was breaking down regularly, and only a few nights ago he was crying about how I could do better and everyone would be better off without him. So yes obviously I’m concerned, can’t see how people aren’t seeing the same thing I’m seeing? Yes, there’s a tonne of other things I nagged about but me nagging him weren’t for my benefit, I hate nagging him, I just wanted to make sure we had some holiday boundaries and he knew what he can and can’t do. I asked him ages ago if we could have a talk about it and he said no so obviously if we had that I would’ve got it all off my chest and wouldn’t be repeating myself.

Also, he started going on about how I’ve been so negative about this holiday that he doesn’t want to go any more? He must’ve been daydreaming a lot recently because all I’ve done is so good things for this holiday. I started looking for his holiday shorts before he did. I offered to get them for him a month before he even seen them in the shop! Offered to do his laundry. Offered to go to the post office to sort out his card. Got travel adapters. Awk just other things too but can’t be bothered to list them. He started talking then about my happiness or something, not gonna quote exactly cos I can’t even remember, all I remember was screaming at him and how this has been a hard year for me too, crying myself in my sleep, in the shower, just always feeling alone, how I can’t even make the man I love happy and more. I stormed out and sat in the kitchen, thank god I left my inhaler out there, because got myself in a wee asthma attack.

Got myself together and went back into the room, he’s lying there on his God damn phone still texting them boys. I didn’t want him to leave on bad terms, if anything bad happened I wouldn’t be able to live with myself even if I done nothing wrong. Came into bed and explained myself. He didn’t really want to admit that I was in the right but I knew I was. I explained how the holiday would be good for him and he started saying how I thought he weren’t ready.

Anyway, somewhere between Jord trying to realise I was in the right and him checking on his fucking washing every two minutes (yes, even when I was in tears he was dying to leave me for pinting), I just broke down and cried. I tried explaining how everything I do, I do to help people. All I tried to do was help him with this holiday and he took it for granted and threw it in my face, just like everyone else lately.

Niamh had the cheek to fucking complain about jeans in soak lying in the sink and how I don’t respect her. There’s more then 1 fucking sink in this flat?! Don’t use that as an excuse to be an unhygienic bitch and not brush your teeth. She’s so quick to forget every thing good I’ve done, I washed and folded her clothes the other day, and the state of her knickers, I did not want to be touching them, and especially her Granney bra etc, I cleaned out the kitchen and everything, actually I’m not even going to start on Niamh because she’s just an ungrateful cow sometimes.

Lauren too, was meant to be going for drinks tonight because I haven’t seen her in so long and I want to keep her in the loop. Cut a long story short, she bailed on me to “cook her family dinner” and have a doctors appointment tomorrow. Anyway, ends up everyone’s snapchats covered in her house with a load of her mates sitting chilling.

Liam, Dylan and Steve, always tried to help them, cleaned there house for them to mess it up the next day, if they wanted anything I would give it to them, spent soo much money on cleaning supplies for that house, awk and just being there trying to chat to them when everyone else locked themselves in their rooms and now they don’t even give me the time of day.

There’s so much more but this ain’t a bitching journal

I just feel so alone sometimes. I’ve made such an effort to get to know people and try to make friends and no body takes me on. Just wanted someone so I weren’t so reliant on Jord and gave him some space, don’t like suffocating him. Anyway no matter how much I try, everyone pies me. Is it me? Like I know I’m shite to be around lately but there must be someone to give me the time of day? Thought it might be cos I’m English at the start but there’s customers in the shop who’s English and they have people?

It’s so shit because I just don’t know where I belong now? I like being here but I feel so alone and then when I escape to London I feel even more alone, between everywhere I don’t know where I belong other then the pub rn.

I’m not even going to bother talking about that Shite anyway because it’ll just get me started again.

Back to it anyway I was lying there crying and bless poor Jord he didn’t know what to do. Don’t think he realised anything was wrong really. He kept saying how I don’t need anyone because I have him. Well this week shows I do need someone because he ain’t always going to be here for me is he?

Problem is everyone over here just sticks to their school mates, no one likes change so where I have no one from school here, I’m just alone.

I can’t tell him everything either because sometimes there’s things like he just won’t understand from my perspective so I sometimes just need to chat to someone else to calm me down and talk sense into me.

Anyway I cried and cried on jords chest, I felt awful because it’s the worst timing to burst out with all this after its been building up for so long. Like last time I burst out with this was that time I had the pregnancy scare and I screamed in front of Gemma and Dylan and all how I would’ve actually loved to of been pregnant just so I would feel less alone, everyone washed it off because they probably thought I was drunk but I wasn’t even, just emotional and let things boil up. Same happened today I guess, just everything getting on top of me. Like I don’t want him to go on holiday and have to worry about me so I just feel so bad for this all to happen with this wee crying fit and that it’s going to be an awkward 10 days if he remembers me as that wreck. This morning I done my hair and make up and tan so he would remember me as half decent looking before he went, now he’s gonna remember me as some slob who can’t stop crying oh god.

Granted, I give Jord brownie points for calming me down, but all he really did was give me a kiss and a cuddle and my fag (and nicked my fag ffs). But still, he was still packing his suitcase when I hadn’t finished my wee fit, like I understand his friends were waiting on him but it was only for pints? Surely that could’ve waited until I had at least stopped crying? Like half the boys weren’t even off the 212 at that stage, there was time like, even that his flight didn’t leave for another 16 hours, plenty of time? I’m not blaming him cos I know he’s just excited for his holiday but it’s not the first time he’s left me to go somewhere for a couple of days while I’m alone crying, not even the second. That’s why I need someone else other then Jord to make me feel less alone and for me to go cry to too so it’s not left on him.

Anyway said our goodbyes and off he went, this was about half 8 ish. It weren’t until just after he left I literally realised again that he stood me up to go pinting with his friends and I really shouldn’t be crying over him if he could do that to me. But knowing me, once I start, I won’t stop crying once I’ve said something, it’s like opening the floodgates and it’s just going to keep coming till it’s all out and then I’ll be grand again. I didn’t help myself with the tele I was watching, every show had to have some kind of romantic scene with some kind of soppy music that would set me off again.

This diary so looking so bleak lately no wonder I had a mini breakdown, need something to perk me up ffs.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: So, I'm having a hard time getting her to move but Rio: Quinn's being pretty decent considering Rio: Saving her from total embarrassment Buster: Well, that's something Buster: Do you want me to come help? Buster: I can always carry her out Rio: Nah, you're okay Rio: She'll clock it ain't working in a few and don't reckon either of you wants you to be there for that Buster: True Buster: And I don't need her trying to fight me Buster: She already knows I lied about why I trashed my room even if she can't catch me in it Buster: Things are weird enough, like Rio: Exactly Rio: Best to avoid unless you want your truths coming into question 'cos she's outed herself Buster: At least this does answer our question of whether she really did like the girl or not Buster: Type not so set in stone Buster: And if nothing else you've earned yourself yet more fruit Rio: Least she does now Rio: Even if she reckons the teach was her first love, Quinn was other firsts so, shit matters too Rio: Just trying to get my five a day, obviously Buster: I'll feed you grapes later, no need to go so hard with the heroics, babe Rio: What can I say? Rio: You inspire it in me, clearly Buster: 'Course Buster: How is she really though? Rio: Drunk, jealous and sad Rio: but she'll be fine Rio: No need to worry, honest Buster: She's had plenty of practice at wanting someone she can't have Buster: Honestly same Buster: Shame we can't bond over it, but Buster: I don't reckon she'd appreciate my success story at the moment anyway Rio: Yeah, somehow not seeing that as what she wants to hear rn 😏 Rio: Don't worry babe, always the fam to fall back on Rio: 😬 Buster: That just sounds like you wanna set Nance up with another cousin Buster: Good try, but I don't reckon she'd go for it Rio: I mean it's Billie or nothing really Rio: slim pickings Buster: Rude Buster: Don't worry I won't tell her you said that Rio: Good luck explaining if you did, babe Buster: 😂 Buster: Are you going home or staying out? Rio: We moving, compromise Rio: I'll probably bring her back with me when we leave Rio: or throw her at nan and granddad, like 👋 enjoy Buster: As long as she ain't on her own Buster: Take her phone too, that girl don't need to be all the texts too Rio: 'Course Rio: she's gonna have enough morning after regret to contend with Rio: this is so awkward Rio: this pub too quiet for this tension Buster: I'll take her breakfast 'cause there's no way she'll be going to school Buster: Imagine Rio: That'll be good Rio: This place [Insert] does a good veggie equivalent of a fry-up Rio: Gonna need it Buster: 'Course you know that Buster: Cheers, babe Rio: In this fam? Duh Rio: Just don't tell my Da I'm sending business away, like Buster: Your secret's safe Rio: Cheers, babe Buster: I miss you Buster: Not a secret, but Rio: Same 😔 Rio: If I gotta be dragged away, wish it was for something a bit more fun Buster: I appreciate it though, even if Nance can't right now Buster: So I'll make it up to you Rio: I don't mind really, aside from aforementioned awks and not being with you Rio: but not gonna pass up on the offer Buster: Don't, I've got nothing but time to think of ways Buster: Do you reckon I should talk to this girl, can I be that twin, like? Rio: Oh no, babe Rio: Nance would die Rio: Noble and cute but no Rio: Save that 🧠 power to thinking of all the ways Buster: I know you're right it's just like me and Nance are in a contest of who can fuck up the most right now or some shit Buster: It's such a mess Buster: I actually almost feel bad for mum and dad Rio: Not a 🏆 they want in the cabinet Rio: But really, it's bad but like, nothing REALLY bad happened Rio: Once she goes to Uni this will be so forgotton, like Buster: You reckon? Buster: I don't know, I'm not gonna forget about you when I go Rio: Bitch, like I'd let that happen 😤 Nah 😂 Rio: There'll be new girls and so much new shit in general, she'll be loving life, trust Buster: Maybe Buster: At least there's nothing stopping her from going anywhere she wants Rio: Yeah Rio: World's still your oyster, baby Buster: Don't worry, I'm not trying to swap with her Buster: I'd rather have you Rio: Good Rio: 'Cos can't say I'd be above a bit of slight stalking Rio: even though I'm seeing how well this is going, like Buster: Good 'cause I ain't been above it before either Rio: Should I be concerned or? 😉 Buster: Please, you've shown yourself right up, loving that 50 shades bloke Rio: If you're gonna buy me an Audi you can do what you like Buster: Well, if that's what you want for your birthday, I'll take everything I've bought back Rio: You're a fool Buster: You love it Rio: Yeah Rio: You better not have gone crazy with the gifts though forreal Buster: Shhh Rio: 😑 Rio: Babe Buster: I'm giving you them in secret so they don't count Buster: Besides, it's your 18th I'm not just gonna buy you a drink, am I? Come on Rio: Is that what we're saying now? Rio: Convenient if none of this counts isn't it 😏 Rio: But I didn't do a good job don't out-do me 😖 Buster: Yes you did Buster: You know I had the best birthday with you Rio: I just wanna treat you like you treat me Rio: like you deserve Buster: Baby Buster: You do Buster: Look where you are and what you're doing right now. You're so good to me all the time Buster: Above and beyond Rio: I just love you Buster: I love you too Buster: If it was about what you could buy me I'd be with Chlo like she wants Rio: Don't Rio: If you wanna motivate me to get my 💰 right, there's SO many better ways to do it Buster: I'm just saying Buster: It's not about that Buster: She wishes Rio: Least mine's my own 😒 Buster: You're doing better than me on that score Rio: Not being a bitch about you Rio: just her Buster: That's welcome any time Rio: Have you spoke to her since the last time? Buster: Nah, she must be complaining to one of her friends instead Rio: That's something Rio: She accidentally liked one of my pics the other day Rio: Hey babe 👋 Buster: I doubt that was an accident Buster: She's all about you Rio: You wish Rio: Get her off your hands, like Buster: Don't Buster: I never need that mental image Rio: 😷 Eurgh Buster: Besides, it's your family that she's changed her mind about, you've got hers made up Rio: What? Buster: Your parents are alright, shit ton of kids and all, 'cause they've got that clout of their jobs and cash Buster: You're letting the side down though, babe Rio: Why were you even talking about my fam Buster: She loves talking about you Buster: But I had to tell her your mum got her figure back 🙄 Rio: 🙄 Of course Rio: She better get my name out her mouth though Rio: She don't know me Buster: I don't think she's ever said your name Buster: You're always like THAT cousin or whatever Rio: Not the point Rio: that's even worse, like Buster: Don't worry, babe I'd never let her bad mouth you Rio: Whatever Rio: not like you can defend me Buster: Of course I can Buster: I always do Rio: Does that not get a bit Rio: risky, like Rio: I'm always so paranoid when anyway starts talking about you Buster: It's fine, I'm not an amateur and I swear she barely listens to me anyway so Rio: I hope so Rio: don't be chatting to her so much yeah Buster: Trust me, it's not something I wanna do Rio: I know, I know Rio: Ugh, can't even blame current company and drama but I will to save face, like Buster: You don't have to worry about Nance, she ain't gonna remember much of this, surely Buster: Feel how you feel Rio: I don't wanna Rio: I'm not used to being jealous Buster: Then don't be Buster: Not of her Buster: It's stupid Rio: Don't call me stupid Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm saying you're acting stupid if you think Chlo's anything to be jealous of Rio: Ugh forget it Rio: You don't get it Buster: Then explain it to me Rio: It doesn't matter Buster: Yes it does Buster: Just tell me Rio: I don't know it's just Rio: she's got something over you and it's fucked that she does and I'm not saying I want something as well but Rio: fucked or not, it's still true and there Rio: you know Buster: Babe, she's clutching at straws Buster: That's how much she doesn't have Buster: You're the only one who's got me Rio: I know it's stupid Buster: It's not, really Buster: I shouldn't have said that Buster: I just don't want you feeling any kind of way 'cause of her Rio: It's alright Rio: Not trying to make this about me when you're the one really getting fucked over Buster: It still affects you though Buster: I'm not gonna be that selfish Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Sometimes I'm alright and I feel like we know what we're doing Rio: then others, my head is just fuck Buster: Don't ever say sorry for this Buster: You're handling it better than I could've asked, not that I can or would Buster: I don't deserve you Rio: What am I gonna do? Rio: Not letting you go Buster: I really want you to mean that Rio: I do mean it Buster: Yeah now, but you're always saying things are gonna be different when the kid's born Rio: 'Cos your priorities are gonna be different Rio: they just will Rio: that doesn't mean I don't mean it Buster: Maybe your priorities will be different Buster: If I'm not around as much or whatever Rio: You saying I'm going to get bored? Buster: You could Buster: If I'm up all night not sleeping but not with you, like Rio: What are you saying? Buster: I'm just saying if we reckon I'm a moody cunt now wait until I'm trying to juggle school with keeping a kid alive Buster: Only so many fruit baskets I can order, babe Rio: Yeah Rio: 'cos I'm that much of a bitch Rio: Tah Buster: Shut up Buster: That's not what I'm saying Rio: Yeah, it is though Rio: It's fine, if that's what you reckon Buster: Fuck that Rio: I'm not that much of a slag Buster: Stop Rio: Seriously Buster: Seriously, stop Buster: I don't know how we got here but you're stressing me the fuck out Rio: I'll leave then Buster: Don't Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: I'm not calling you a slag and I don't want you to go anywhere, I can't believe I have to spell that out right now Rio: What else would saying I'm gonna get bored possibly fucking mean Buster: I just meant it's gonna be hard for both of us, not just me Buster: Christ Rio: The real concern here is you clearly think you're gonna be doing night shifts so that clearly leaves me out the picture Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: You've so obviously got an idea in your head of how it's going to be Rio: and I'm not a part of that Buster: Bullshit Buster: How are you getting that from literally anything I've said? Rio: You said you're not gonna be with me Rio: so where are you gonna be? Rio: With your kid, and her Rio: and that's okay Buster: It's not fucking okay that you'd say that to me Buster: I'm obviously not gonna be with her, am I? Rio: I know you Rio: you're going to want to be with your kid, to look after it and the only way you can have it all the time is to be with her Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'll tell you like I've already told her, I don't need to be her boyfriend to be a dad to my kid Buster: What century are we in? Rio: Don't chat to me like I'm her Rio: so you're gonna be a weekend dad then, yeah? Rio: and that'll be fine Buster: How is it not? Tommy's kids from before didn't become serial killers, like Rio: You don't do anything by half Buster: Yeah well I don't have a choice this time Rio: You're not going to like it Rio: it'd be so much easier for you Buster: I don't know how you can say that Buster: I wouldn't like being with her and neither would the kid growing up in that Buster: Be real Rio: I'm not saying it'd be true love Buster: It'd be another mistake Buster: And I'm not doing that Buster: So shut up Rio: You can't say your brain hasn't gone there Rio: all I can think about is all the different ways to make this work Buster: It's gone there in her dreams and my nightmares Rio: I know Buster: Then stop Rio: I want to Rio: it's not that easy Buster: Yeah it is Rio: Bullshit, babe Buster: Why isn't it enough that I want to be with you? Buster: Why do we have to keep doing this? Rio: It is Rio: but it doesn't make the rest of this shit disappear does it Buster: Well, I can't do that so what else do you want from me? Rio: Don't make it sound like I asked Buster: I'm so fucking tired of this Buster: I don't even know if its my kid yet and I'm tired Rio: I know Rio: Just forget I said anything alright Buster: I can't Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Buster: Just come back, yeah? Rio: Okay Rio: Might take a while to sort Nance but then I'll be there Buster: Okay Buster: Bring her if you have to, I don't care Rio: Really? Rio: Alright Buster: Not that much of a slag myself, babe Rio: Shut up Buster: No Buster: I just need you here, that's what matters Rio: I didn't mean it Rio: pretend I'm drunker than I am Buster: Babe Buster: We have to keep talking, even if it goes to shit sometimes like Rio: I don't wanna make shit harder for you Rio: I really don't Rio: even though I keep doing it Buster: Well, I don't want you not to tell me things Rio: sometimes I don't know what I'm saying though Rio: or how to say it Buster: And I do? Buster: You thought I was calling you a slag for the longest time Buster: Just keep trying for me Rio: Okay Rio: I promise Rio: we're in the cab Buster: I love you Buster: Just so you know Buster: In case I don't get to say it with Nance around Rio: No telling Rio: gone from not being in the talking mood to telling the cabbie her life story so Rio: love you too, pray for me, like Buster: Fucking hell Buster: I'll give him a tip when you get here then Buster: And get on my knees for you, of course Rio: You really had to phrase it like that Rio: when we gotta be good 😒 Buster: We never have to be that good babe Buster: She'll crash and we'll be quiet Rio: Promise Rio: 'cos I really need to unwind Buster: I know Buster: me too Rio: Yeah Rio: owe you that, like Buster: You don't owe me anything, but I still want it Rio: Good 'cos I still wanna give it Buster: Yeah? Rio: You know I do Buster: Shit, hang on Rio: ? Buster: Proof yet again there isn't a god Buster: Getting a call from satan Buster: Hold up Rio: Seriously? Rio: Ignore it, it'll be nothing but a booty call at this o'clock Buster: But what if it's not? Rio: Then she'd call someone in the country Rio: or go to the hospital Rio: Don't be stupid Buster: Don't call me stupid Buster: So much for trying to unwind with this hanging over my head, like Buster: Come on Rio: Whatever Rio: Do what you want Buster: Don't be like that Rio: Nah Rio: this actually takes the piss Rio: I'm going home Buster: Don't Buster: Whatever it is I'll have it sorted by the time you get here Rio: It's nothing, Buster Rio: it'll be nothing Rio: Jesus Rio: really got you trained already though Buster: If it's nothing it doesn't have to ruin anything, does it? Buster: Just give me a second Rio: Take as many as you like Buster: Fucking hell, Rio Buster: What happened to not wanting to make things harder for me? Rio: I'm letting you deal with the most pressing issue here Buster: Fuck you Buster: Don't do that Buster: If this is how its gonna be every time you don't get your own way Rio: Then what? Buster: I can't do this right now Buster: Forget it Rio: Of course not Rio: Chloe's on the phone Buster: Why do you have to be such a bitch when I already can't win? Jesus Buster: Go where you want. Do what you want Rio: Yeah, that's what you like about me Rio: So easy Buster: Give me one break Buster: Please Rio: Done Buster: It doesn't have to be THIS difficult Rio: No, it really doesn't Rio: any chance to play the hero though Buster: Fuck off Rio: Going