#like. its not a great boss if there’s at least one move that has me go ‘oh they’re using this again are they. fuck sake’

[sadlazzle]

waterfowl dance is starting to piss me off majorly now ngl. real sick of that bullshit move

[swordsandholly]

Live in Five

Reporter Reader x Cameraman Kyle Garrick | Ao3

MDNI | NSFW | cw: sexism, almost car wreck, driving in blizzard, PiV sex, fingering, afab reader, consent checks, unprotected sex, barely edited

Word Count: 4.9k

Summary: After your boss sends you and your cameraman out into a blizzard you find yourselves stuck in the snow in your news van. With no signal and no way to get the van out, the two of you have nowhere to go for the night. You have to entertain yourselves one way or another.

A/N: Y'all thank @mareiasereia for sending this ask that reminded me of this idea.

You sigh, looking down at your feet for the time being. As long as you can until you’re forced to stare into the sun behind the silhouetted camera. Cold wind bites at your cheeks, nearly seeping through the thick wool of your trench coat. You hate these winter outdoor broadcasts - can’t ever quite get used to the weather despite doing them for years now. It takes all your concentration to keep your teeth from chattering while you speak.

“How’s my hair?” You ask, squinting as you try to meet Kyle’s eye where he works on setting up his camera.

“Just perf- oh!” He jogs forward, gently tucking what you assume to be a stray piece back. “Perfect. As always.”

You roll your eyes, cheeks warming. He always manages to get you flustered, even after years of working together. You’d think you’d get used to it - the way his dark eyes focus in and the slight grit to his voice. Instead it infects you - pools at the base of your spine and gnaws at your concentration.

Kyle whistles at you, holding up a three.

You nod, adjusting your stance and clearing your throat.

Two.

One.

“Thanks, John.” You grin, meeting the camera’s ‘eye’. “The downtown winter festival is well underway. Everyone seems to be enjoying the festivities-”

You go through the normal song and dance. Kyle follows as you move closer to the wooden, painted entrance to the park for the vent. It’s nice this year, actually. The city sprung for a real artist to craft something interesting. Though, nothing will top that one time they let the local elementary school decorate it. It isn’t anything special, this story. Just the usual yearly coverage of the usual winter activities. You’ve done the festival for the past three winters - the first just after the station hired you. If it weren’t for the icy air on your cheeks you might enjoy it more.

Kyle cuts, lowering his camera and you sigh in relief. Even after all this time your cheeks still hurt from smiling for so many minutes straight while talking. At least you didn’t stutter at all. Or slip. You almost wiped out last year. That clip became more popular among the highschoolers than you might have liked.

“Great job, luv.” Kyle grins, giving you a supportive thumbs up.

You snort. “Thanks.”

“It’s so cold.” Kyle sighs as he packs up his camera carefully into it’s case. His hands are always so delicate. “I’m thinkin’ a coffee stop on the way back?”

You hum and glance at your watch. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Always so serious.”

“One of us has to be.”

“Think you’re mixin’ me up with Johnny, luv.”

“Oh, right.” You snicker.

The station you work for is small. Local. Buried in the back woods, covering a single populated town and the surrounding rural counties. Most of the news pertains to weather for the sake of farming, or livestock related accidents. The occasional violence makes its way onto the main, evening segment but generally it isn’t anything that can’t be covered in an article. That’s the other half of your job - updating articles and writing short columns about recent events. It’s not glamourous, but it’s still journalism. Plus, picking up the extra work boosts your pay and vacation time enough to make the job a little more worth it.

You watch from the side while John and Kate prepare for the serious evening news. The big, main anchors of the station. They might as well walk on water around here. Not that they act like it. They’re actually quite kind. Kate’s suits are always smart and often brightly colored. Her hair is always quaffed and you pray that your skin looks that good at her age. John… well, everybody loves John. Hard not to with that warm smile and those wide set shoulders.

“Can you drop these at my desk, sweetheart?” Philip pulls you from your daze. He smirks down at you in that twisted, snake-like way while holding out a file. “Since you’re headed that way.”

You frown. “I’m not your-”

“Thanks a lot.” He drops the papers, the last of your coffee sloshing as you just manage to catch them. Philip is easily the most insufferable asshole in this place. You curse the day you volunteered to move cubicles because it would put you closer to the tech guys. To Kyle. Now you’re sharing a wall with the human embodiment of liquid shit.

It’s not just him, really. Most of the men here don’t see you as anything important. Too young, too new to hold any weight around the station. The pretty, soft girl that does feel good, soft stories. A petting zoo. Some fluffy little thing for them to caress and coo at. You glance back at Kate. The men don’t mess with Kate. What does she do so differently?

It’s not that you mind doing fluff stories. Those are fine. You enjoy them, even. You’d rather spend your time talking about kids selling lemonade to fund their future college (still dystopian) or some dog that managed to save it’s owners life (still cool as hell.) You just wish they took you seriously. That you weren’t treated as lesser for it. Lesser for not wanting to be subjected to violent accidents and crimes that make your gut churn.

So, you do what you usually do when you want to slam your head through a wall, disappear into the tech room. After messily throwing the file on Philip’s desk, of course.

“Alright, darlin’?” Kyle leans back in his chair as you push through the door into the designated ‘bat cave.’

You nod silently, glaring at your feet as you flop down into the open editing bay. It’s nice in here. Calm. Separated from the main office. You feel like you can actually breathe in here.

“There’s my bonnie lass!” Johnny appears from the supply closet with his usual ear to ear grin. You don’t miss the extra pinkness of his lips - or the way Simon follows him out.

You glance over at Kyle who has turned back to his editing. You watch his hands as they move, his eyes locked in on the screen before him. Are you the only person in the world that follows rules? That does as they’re told? How come everyone else gets to break them?

It’s Friday. A massive blizzard blew in seemingly out of nowhere halfway through the work day. Your meteorologist practically scrambled to figure out what to report on and how long it might last. Roach, they call him, on account of that time he survived getting picked up and thrown by a tornado. Most people mutter about leaving early, some preemptively grabbing their coats. A few snuck out the back nearly an hour ago when the weather first started. You opted to hunker down and get some work done, considering the universe blessed you with a lack of Philip for the day.

The harsh utterance of your name has you snapping up, back straight and eyes wide. “Mr. Shepherd! Uh, how can I help you?”

The station owner steps into your cubicle, face as taught and stern as ever. He isn’t the one that hired you but part of your onboarding included a brief meeting with him. You hated every second - an inexplicable pressure building in your chest the entire fifteen minutes. It’s back now.

“There was a massive wreck on the highway. Fifteen cars, apparently.” Shepherd says. “I want you at the hospital giving updates for the site. Take your camera man, too.”

You blink up at him dumbly for a moment. “Sir, I don’t- In this weather? It’s a blizzard out there! We’d just be in the way-”

“It’s not a request.” Shepherd snaps, staring down at you with that bored, icy gaze that makes you desperately wish he had hair you could rip out. You know you have to, though. You’ve seen him fire people more important than you over lesser infractions.

“O-okay.” You murmur, hands balled into fists. Partially from anger, partially to keep them from visibly shaking. It isn’t right. It isn’t right that he’s putting you in this kind of unnecessary danger. Kyle, either. Oh, Kyle…

You drag your feet as you head to the tech room, heart dropping into your gut as you see him packing up and pulling on his thick bomber coat. Probably assumed you’d get to leave early, too. You should get to leave early. You should have ducked out an hour ago like the others. Why do you always follow the fucking rules?

“Hey, angel.” Kyle grins, smile dropping as soon as his eye meets yours. “What’s up?”

“Shepherd wants us to go to the hospital.” You swallow roughly to keep your voice from cracking. “Wants us to cover some big car wreck from there.”

“Tha’s so far from here!” Johnny gasps from his perch at the editing bay. “He cannae expect ye tae go out like this.”

“He can, apparently.” You mutter, staring at your feet. You want to say no. You want to give him an earful - to really lay into him about his sexist, careless attitude. Y’know, girlboss stuff or whatever. Whatever Kate would probably do. She wouldn’t take this laying down, belly up. Instead your hands shake and your eyes sting with frustrated tears. You can’t breathe right. It’s wrong. This is wrong. It’s wrong and you can’t do anything about it without losing your job at the only station in town.

“Hey.” You jump as Kyle’s hand strokes down your arm - gentle and warm. Grounding. “It’s alright. The vans got chains on the tires. We’ll take a backroad and see how far we can get. If we have to turn back, I’ll take the heat.”

You snap your head up to meet his gaze. “Kyle-”

“It’s fine.” He smiles reassuringly. “C’mon, go get your coat.”

“O-okay…”

You stay quiet at you load into the van. Guilt gnaws at your chest while you do the same to your inner cheek. The idea that you’ve put Kyle in danger just because you’re too weak to argue with your boss makes you feel weak. Pathetic. You’re pathetic. Neither of you talk much as you drive, opting to keep the radio low so Kyle can concentrate on the road. It’s just as bad as it seemed. You can barely see to the end of the headlights - the sun having already nearly set - everything else pitch black while the snow glints in the light. It’s falling sideways. You can feel the truck sway every so often from a massive gust of wind. At least no one else is on the road.

You wish you didn’t feel like crying so badly.

There’s a loud cracking sound somewhere. You can’t tell from what direction - unsure if it was even real. You can’t hear much of anything over the howling wind and snow beating against the van.

“Did you-” You’re cut off as a massive trunk appears in front of you, crashing down onto the street.

Kyle gasps. You screech, the van whipping off road and he redirects away. A strong arm braces itself over your chest to keep you steady as you careen off the road. You screw your eyes shut tightly, bracing for a likely impact. Between the snow and the darkness you can’t tell what direction you’re facing when the van finally lurches to a stop in the icy mud. A loud grunt escapes you as your seatbelt locks against your sternum.

Several beats of quiet pass between you. Both of you panting, trying to clear your heads and take in what just happened. The moment breaks when Kyle drops his arm, hand resting on your thigh. You don’t think anything of it past a comforting gesture - there isn’t any room in your brain for anything else as you blink slow. It feels good, though. Grounding. It slows your heart and evens your breathing.

“Scary, huh?” Kyle chuckles nervously, still staring forward out the windshield.

You can’t help but giggle back, nervous energy making your hands shake. “Uh-huh. You okay?”

“Yeah.” He finally turns to look at you. “You?”

You nod quietly.

“Alright.” He grunts. “Let’s see about getting out of here.”

The moment he hits the gas to reverse you both know you’re in trouble. The tires spin, whirring loudly along to the wind outside. The van doesn’t budge an inch. You’re stuck on the side of a random backroad, in the middle of a blizzard, with a felled tree in your path, all alone.

Kyle pulls out his phone, tapping around. He sighs loudly, resting his head back on the car seat headrest. “No signal out here. Fuckin’ hell.”

You’re well and truly stranded.

Your shoulders start shaking and you bend forward, curling in on yourself. You bury your face in your hands, hot tears swelling in your eyes. “Kyle, I’m so sorry…”

“Oh, angel-”

“I could’ve gotten you killed! I could’ve - all because I couldn’t - It’d be all my fault!” You sob.

Kyle’s hand comes to rest on your upper back, rubbing in gentle circles. “Love- it’s okay. We’re okay. Hey, look at me.”

You shake your head. How could you? How fucking could you? Pathetic.

He takes your wrist, peeling your hands away from your face. “Look. At. Me.”

You sit up slowly, still hiccupping, though no longer sobbing like before. Something about his touch, his hands on you, just feels right. The world feels right. Grounded.

“It’s not your fault. Shepherd’s an arse. He shouldn’t have put us in this position. He knew you couldn’t say no. That’s the only reason he asked.” There’s a snarl at the edges of his voice. Something bitter - wrong sounding in his sweet voice. He glances over at the dash. “We’ve got plenty of gas. The battery is basically new. We’ll be fine for the night. Roach said it should be over by morning and they’ll figure out we didn’t make it back.”

You sniffle, nodding weakly and undoing your seat belt to breathe properly. Your chest still hurts. “I’m sorry…”

“Here.” After rooting around in the glove box, Kyle comes up with a small pack of tissues. You reach for it, but he makes no move to hand them over. Instead, he takes one out. Cupping your jaw in one hand and slowly, gently, patting around your eyes to fix up the mess you made. Like he always does.

“I’m sorry.” You murmur.

“No more sorries.” He shakes his head.

Kyle shuts the high beams off, leaving the regular lights on just in case someone drives by. Not that anyone will. This road is underpopulated even during the best summer days. Neither of you speak for a long while. You keep glancing over at Kyle out of the corner of your eye. He’s thinking about something - you can tell by the pinch in his brow and the pull in the corner of his mouth. He looks so pretty in the moonlight. The contours of his face softened by the low light, eyes nearly pitch black besides a pinprick of light.

“How are your moms?” You blurt.

He chuckles. “Good. Think they’re on a cruise right now.”

“I’m jealous.” You snort, looking out the window at the ice.

“Facts.”

You lapse back into quiet, emotionally and physically drained - he probably feels the same. Neither of you quite able to muster your usual, easy banter. A slimy little part of you is glad that Kyle came with you - even if is did put him in unnecessary danger. You don’t think you would have handled this situation well on your own. Adrenaline makes your hands shake, your heart still pounding in your chest.

“Want t’ fuck?” Kyle breaks the silence suddenly, head leaned on his hand and elbow on the window seal.

You sputter out an awkward laugh. He’s joking right? He’s just fucking with you because he’s bored. “Don’t mess with me, it’s not nice.”

“Not messin’.”

You slowly meet his eye. Even in the dark with only the moonlight and the glow of the electric buttons in the back of the van you can see the seriousness of his expression. The unwavering way his eyes rake over you. He means it.

You shrink away, bashful now. “Kyle-”

“You can’t deny that there’s something here.” He gestures between you. “I know you feel it. That night at the pub-”

“We were drunk.”

“We were honest.” He shrugs. “Besides, what better way to pass the time and keep warm?”

You stare at him, eyes searching his face for some other meaning. Some secondary, malicious intent. It’s not there, of course. Kyle simply isn’t like that. Those dark eyes meet yours honestly. You glance down at his hand laying on the arm rest. It’s been so long since you've been held; touched. You’re coworkers, though. Close knit professionals. A team. What if moving forward ruins your dynamic? What if you lose him? It would be wrong, wouldn’t it? A total HR violation.

Then again… why should you always follow the rules?

Fuck it. “Okay.”

“C’mere.” Kyle smiles and reaches over to pull you by your waist and you follow.

It’s too easy, almost, to let yourself go over the armrests and right across his lap. It takes a moment with your wide hips and thick thighs to get comfortable straddling him. At least the van seats are big. You hover over him slightly, leaning your weight on the hand holding the armrest.

He clicks his tongue, the hands on your waist pressing down. “On me, love. Want t’ feel you.”

How could you ever deny that? You sigh softly, letting your weight fall into his thighs. Kyle hums appreciatively. The hands on your waist begin to knead down over your hips. You aren’t quite sure what to do - what the social protocol is for this situation. Your hands find a resting point on his shoulders, so strong and firm under your touch.

You don’t have to worry for long. Not when he leans up to you, the hands on your hips arching you into him, “Kiss me?”

You nod, for some reason, before pressing your lips to his. It remains chaste, at first. Little pecks and presses as you feel each other out. His lips are soft, moving so naturally against yours you nearly miss when his tongue swipes across your lower lip. You gasp, giving him just enough room to make his move forward. Suddenly, you’re collapsing into each other. He tastes like his usual morning coffee - sharply sweet caramel. Your hand finds it’s way to the back of his head, one of the hands on your hip scrapes down to grip your thigh.

The moment only breaks when he leans you back too far, sounding off the van horn into the empty night. You both stop, looking at each other for a beat before giggling.

You gasp as the hand on your thigh suddenly disappears under your skirt - your laugh breaking off into a gasp as he cups your pussy through your tights and underwear. His nail catches on the thin fabric. A promise if what’s to come.

“You and these fuckin’ skirts…even in the middle of winter…” Kyle murmurs, breath warm against your ear. “D’you have any idea how good you look? Prancing around for my camera, huh?”

“Kyle…” A shiver runs down your spine.

“It’s just for me, isn’t it?” He chuckles, big hands running up your thighs to the bend of your hips. “I’ve seen you with the other guys. Not nearly as excited. Lackin’ that little pep in your step.”

He lightly smacks your ass for emphasis. You squeak - face so hot you almost want to get out of the van and bury it in the snow. The heel of his hand grinds against your clit and you can’t help but whine quietly. His other hand travels up, pushing at your sweater. His hand catches your bralette as he moves, hiking both up over your chest. A gasp rattles in your throat as he catches a nipple between his teeth, your hands tightly fisting his shirt while you let him explore.

A tearing sound echoes through the van. You can’t complain - it’s not like these were your nice tights anyway. Kyle drags his finger along your lips through your underwear. He’s teasing, eyes locked on your face as he waits for you to react. You just sigh each time his fingers glide over your clit ever so slightly until they stop, catching the hem of your underwear and pushing them to the side.

Kyle pauses, looking up at you. “May I?”

You huff. “You better.”

He grins up at you from ear to ear, pressing his lips to yours once again as he drags his fingers between your folds. A low, gravelly hum rumbles in his chest. “So wet already… all this for me?”

The reply gets caught in your throat - cutting off into a moan as he circles your clit with the pads of his fingers. His middle finger circles your entrance, eyes never leaving your face as he gauges your reaction. You’re sure you look ridiculous - face hot and utter disheveled. He seems to like it, though, quietly moaning with you as he presses one digit inside. You tip your head to the side, matching his slow pace until he adds another. They reach so much deeper than yours ever can, lightly prodding until he finds what he was looking for.

“Fuck-!” You gasp, whole body shuddering.

“There she is.” Kyle murmurs, almost to himself more than you.

“Kyyy-!” You whine, rocking back and forth on his hand, desperate for any friction on your clit.

“Thassit, take what y’need, babygirl.” He sighs, catching your nipple between his teeth. “Be good and cum on my fingers.”

It doesn’t take much. A few more bounces of your hips just as his fingers curl even further into that spot that leaves you seeing stars. You keen loudly, face buried in the crook of his neck as you fuck yourself on his fingers. You slow to a stop, breathing heavy. Your skin feels electric, body practically humming happily. A pathetic sigh pushes past your lips as Kyle removes his hand.

He slowly brings his fingers to his mouth, groaning as he licks them clean. “Taste just as pretty as you look, love.”

You whine back dumbly, mind and body still coming down from your first orgasm in a long, long time. Well, with a partner at least. Fuck, if Kyle doesn’t know what he’s doing. Your find yourself clumsily pawing at his shirt, suddenly desperate to get to see him properly. He just chuckles, pulling it over his head and tossing it toward the passenger seat.

Kyle leans the seat back. It doesn’t go far, just enough to give you some extra room to maneuver. Your hands drag over corded muscle just under a layer of soft. You run your fingers through the light dusting of hair on his chest. He lets you take your time, lets you feel him out until you’re satisfied and leaning down for another kiss.

“Y’want to keep going?” He murmurs against your lips. “No pressure.”

You nod vigorously, the hands you braced on his chest gliding down toward his belt. “Do you?”

“Fuck yes.” He sighs, hips bucking up into your hand - telling you to get a move on.

You don’t, brain to cottony to care much as you take your time with his leather belt. His breath hitches when you palm him through his trousers - the size of him registering somewhere in the back of your mind. You clumsily undo his trousers, hands shaking in anticipation. He lifts his hips just enough to help you pull his pants and boxers partially down his thighs.

Kyle sighs as his cock springs free, eyes still fixed on you as you take him in. Your eyes widen - raking over the length of hum to the perfectly groomed curls at the base. He’s what you imagine an artist would carve - curve and veins too perfect. Another shiver runs down your spine.

“Pretty…” The word falls from your lips before you can stop it. You cover your mouth, embarrassment forcing you to look away. Kyle just laughs, reaching up to pulls your face back to him.

“I know.”

You suck your teeth. “Arrogant man, you are.”

“Just self aware.” He shrugs, smirking up at you.

You roll your eyes, raising your hand to lick a long, wet stripe over your palm and fingers. You wrap your hand around the base of his cock, giving him a long, slow stroke from root to tip. Kyle groans, hips bucking up into your touch. You wish you could reach down to wrap your lips around it - let him rest warm and heavy on your tongue. Another time, perhaps.

You meet his gaze as you position yourself over him. A brief moment to let either of you end it here. To stay on this side of the boundary. To leave things as they were - for the most part, at least. Neither of you take it.

The hands on your hips help guide you down. Slowly, an inch at a time. Without any extra lube there’s a slight burn to the stretch just on this side of too much. You moan, low and quiet as you finally rest at the base of his cock. He sighs out a moan as you lean your weight on him again - fully sheathed inside you. You peek your eyes open to look down at him. His dark eyes have locked onto where you’re connected, the hands on your hips grip so tight you wonder if they’ll leave bruises. Kyle’s jaw is set as he breathes long and deep.

“A-alright?” You gasp out.

“Feel so fuckin’ good around me, doll.” He grunts through grit teeth. “Christ.”

You tilt your head to watch his reaction while you tentatively roll your hips. Those pretty lashes flutter and Kyle tips his head back, groaning.

A newfound confidence overtakes you. “Feels that good, huh?”

He nods with another low groan as you begin to roll your hips at a rhythm. A slow grind down onto each other. Lazy. You’re both tired after that adrenaline spike earlier, and your legs still feel loose and jelly after already cumming once. He fills you so perfectly, though. His warm hands drag over your skin, leaving an electric feel in their path. His teeth nips at your neck, mouthing along your jaw. He’s everywhere - all consuming.

“Kyle-” You whine, cheek pressing to his temple.

“Yeah, baby?” He moans back. “C’mon - shite -say my name again.”

“Please, Kyle, f-fu-” Your words trail off into nothing. Just unintelligible chants that you think are supposed to be his name. You can’t tell anymore, to enraptured in the feeling of your bodies moving against each other.

Kyle’s hand drifts up your back to cup the base of your neck, pulling you down until your foreheads press together. Your eyes may be screwed shut, but you can feel his on you - boring through to the very core of you. He shifts under you, just slightly, suddenly forcing a startled, keening sound out of you as he thrusts up into you with his newfound footing. The pace becomes desperate as you both careen toward the edge.

“Oh, fuck!” You whine, nails biting into his shoulder and the fabric to the seat beside his head.

“Gonna cum again?” He pants against your lips. “I can feel it - pretty little cunt’s clenching around me like a fuckin’ vice.”

You nod sloppily, only managing a choked, “Y-yea-”

“Together?”

“Mmhmm!”

You cling to each other, eyes screwed shut. Your teeth sink into his shoulder, muffling the high pitched whine that tears through your throat as you climax. Kyle moans in your ear, hands digging into your skin so hard they’ll surely leave bruises in their wake as he spills inside you. You stay like that for a moment, catching your breath - his cum dripping from you as he slips out. You sigh, far too content to just stay here with your face buried in the crook of his neck. Warm and comfortable. It feels right - laying in his arms.

“Hey.” Kyle pats your hip, pointing behind you. “We did the Titanic thing.”

You glance at the fogged up windows and laugh.

[avianyuh]

Boring | Min Yoongi

{Chapter One} {Chapter Two} {Chapter Three} {Chapter Four} {Chapter Five} Chapter Six

Summary: You decide it's time for your friends to officially sit down and meet Yoongi out of the office. However, things don't go as planned and it's not for the reasons you'd normally suspect.

After that lunch with your friends two months ago, things had remained the same at work. You hadn’t moved in with Yoongi yet, so Mondays through Thursdays, you slept at your own apartment. Fridays and weekends you spent with Yoongi at his place since you didn’t have to come up with some elaborate plan to sneak into work together without making people at the office suspicious. You hadn’t worked on any other projects with Yoongi for the fear of your relationship being outed and your work being diminished as a ‘task’ the boss had given to his girlfriend.

But unlike work, your actual relationship has done nothing but change over the last five months of your relationship. You weren’t living together, but the suggestion of it was brought up to you at least once a week. Out at dinner? “You know Y/N, if we loved together this could be our designated takeout place…” Watching a movie? “What if we repainted the bedroom to be that shade of green like they have in the movie? Moving in would be a great excuse to remodel…” And of course, trying to leave Yoongi’s apartment on Sunday night. “I can’t stand not seeing you here for four days. I hate this.” He’d whine, holding you close as your bodies stood in the entryway to his apartment. Yoongi had gradually gone from a closed off, quiet man into an energetic, passionate and honest partner. He was everything you needed in your life. He said the right things, he made you feel special. He was starting to really convince you that maybe moving in would be a good idea. After all, having to split your clothes into two dresses was starting to take its tole on you. The other night, the temperature plummeted outside and you were freezing. So, you started rummaging through dresser drawers, looking for your favorite hoodie. After ten minutes of tearing your room apart, you realized that your warm, cozy hoodie was in fact, folded neatly in your boyfriends dresser fifteen minutes away. And it was only a Tuesday, so you, your hoodie and your boyfriend had two more days to go before you could all be properly reunited.

You had also finally gotten around to getting Yoongi, Gina and Hana in the same room outside of work. You had pleaded with Yoongi for over a week. “But I can tell they don’t like me, baby it’s a waste of time.” Yoongi groaned as he watched you from the couch search through the cabinets in the kitchen. You sighed as you darted your eyes around the inner workings of the cabinet, looking for something to snack on since your dinner reservation wasn’t for another few hours.

“Yoongi come on, they don’t hate you at all. You’re still hung up on that one time Gina got mad at you because she thought you were overworking me. Which, as we all know, was not the case and she gets that now. They’re always asking about you and when exactly I can get everyone informally introduced. Please, please, please say yes!” You begged as you snatched some crackers off a shelf and headed back towards Yoongi on the couch. He silently stared at you, shaking his head in disapproval. Then he let out a deep, dramatic sigh. Your lips curled into a smile, already knowing his response. Over the course of your relationship, you’ve learned a lot of about your boyfriend. What you’ve really enjoyed learning about are those little habits about him that no one else would really pick up on but you. This particular habit was your favorite. When you were winning your case against Yoongi, when he was about to admit defat and cave to your demands, he always let out a really long, dramatic sigh before finally agreeing. And just as you suspected, you had again just won your case.

“Fine, call them and set something up whenever they’re free. We can go out or we can host them here or at your place if you want.” Yoongi murmured as he flipped through the channels on TV. You clapped your hands excitedly as you climbed on top of him, decorating his face with kisses. You could see out of the corner of your eye that he was trying to conceal his smile.

So that next weekend, you decided to host your friends over to your apartment. You thought that it would be best to have them over to your apartment, since it’s well, not a rich CEO’s residence, which would have completely shocked them. Your apartment was pretty small, only had one bathroom that had almost no room to move around in, the kitchen had no storage, no counter space, and your bedroom had no windows. Overall, your apartment was the furthest thing from flashy and since you really wanted everyone to solely focus on getting to know each other, you thought you had picked the best location for that to happen since they wouldn’t be able to get sidetracked by Yoongi’s huge apartment.

Yoongi was tucked away in the kitchen, chopping something for a dish you were making as you walked towards the door after hearing the buzzer go off. It’s Gina, called the intercom. “Okay, remember Yoongi, Gina is really sarcastic, so remember to not take anything too literally or personally. She likes to get under people's skin.” You explained to him, praying in your head that everything goes well. Yoongi massaged his temples in frustration. He had been tense since the minute you woke up and you found it heartwarming that he was so nervous to meet your friends. But to be completely honest, you were also nervous deep down. Not so much with your friend Hana, but with Gina. Though you had told your friends two months ago about your relationship and they had seemed supportive, you had left out a tiny detail. After a night in with Gina at her apartment, and after knocking back quite a few drinks as you watched reruns of some show from twenty years ago, Gina had a drunk words, sober thoughts moment.

“Y/N, I really hope you realize how much of a douche your boyfriend is. I just saw him yelling at Mark from accounting the other day in the middle of the hallway. Like, he was really mad. People were looking and everything. I just don’t think someone that can get so aggressive is the right guy for you…Plus, Yoongi and his secretary are way too friendly. everything he says, she's always giggling like an idiot. ” Though you yourself could fall into the category of drunk, you were sober enough to remember what she said, especially the part about the secretary. To be clear, you always knew Yoongi’s secretary didn’t like you. And you were also aware of the fact that there was a good chance the secretary knew that Yoongi and you were dating, mainly because Yoongi was constantly ‘calling you in’ to his office, yet you never worked on anything with him. And you were always conveniently 'summoned' right before lunch started. Every time you’d walk past her desk to get to Yoongi’s office, you could almost feel her eyes burning into the back of your head. But at the end of the day, Yoongi was your boyfriend and not hers and you were secretly happy knowing someone knew of your relationship because deep down, all you wanted to do was be able to interact with Yoongi publicly without the paranoia that came along with seeing him at work.

You were taken out of your thoughts when you a knock at the door. You ran to swing it open and there stood your best friend. You both yelled excitedly as you hugged Gina tightly. You tried to navigate your way around the box of cookies in her hands that she had brought as a gift. “Come in!” You exclaimed as you pulled her inside. “Where’s Hana?” you asked as you took her box of cookies and her coat from her.

“Oh, you didn’t see the messages in the group chat? She’s stuck in traffic. You know…I told her she should’ve moved to the city when she had the chance. Now she’s so far away from everything and it takes forever to get here.” Gina explained as she closed the door and took off her shoes.

“Ugh, well I’ll try to not eat too much until she gets here, I don’t want her to feel left out.” You said as you walked towards the kitchen, Gina following close behind.

“Hi Gina.” Yoongi greeted her awkwardly as he motioned his head back down, going back to chopping vegetables.

“Hey Yoongi, thanks for making time for something like this.” Gina complimented him. “I know you’re busy…” You nudged Gina with your elbow, giving her a look that screamed behave yourself, as you started to set up the table before Hana arrived.

“Yoongi actually canceled something to do this.” You nonchalantly lied as you spread out the cookies Gina brought on a plate. You could see from the corner of your eye that Yoongi was giving you a confused look, which you couldn’t blame him for. You weren’t sure why Gina was so seemingly against your relationship. You knew she was coming from a good place, but you were really happy with Yoongi and you wanted her to see that he was just as serious about you as you were for him.

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Gina teased as she cracked a smile. Perfect, you thought to yourself. By the time Hana got to your apartment, the food was ready and everyone was sitting at the table. Yoongi went around refilling everyone's wine glasses, and Hana gave you a subtle look of approval upon him filling up her glass. It was going really well. He was asking them questions, getting to know them and even making them laugh. “Wait a minute…Yoongi, you paint!” Hana exclaimed as Yoongi shyly nodded.

“Oh you should see some of his paintings, I thought he bought them from a gallery, they look really professional.” You said, squeezing Yoongi’s shoulder. “I actually have one here.” You stood up from your seat, running to hallway to get the painting.

“When’d you get into painting?” Gina asked curiously, taking a sip of her wine. Yoongi relaxed in his seat, squinting his eyes, seemingly thinking back to something.

“I think High School…I took a few art classes and really enjoyed them. I would’ve studied art in college but my parents would’ve been angry.” Both of your friends nodded understandingly as you reentered the room.

“Here it is!” You held up the dark colored canvas. It was a painting of a night sky, one Yoongi had painted while staying over at your apartment. He sat in front of the window for hours. He had been jumpy all day because he had a meeting the next morning, so he decided to paint to take his mind off of his schedule. That was when you learned that he had a creative side to himself. Your friends stood up, getting a closer look at the painting. You could hear a lot of wows and ooo’s as you peered past them, back at your boyfriend. You gave him a wink and he smiled at you.

When your friends settled back down, you could tell that the atmosphere had changed. From earlier in the day where things were quite tense with Gina, to the tipsy laughter of the midafternoon, to now, where it seemed like everyone was truly comfortable. “Okay Yoongi I just have to say, I apologize for doubting you.” Gina blurted out. You looked over at her, confused by the sudden outburst. “I’ve seen how happy you’ve made Y/N over the past few months, but I thought it seemed too good to be true. Plus, she kept the fact that she was seeing you from us for three months and I thought that was a bad sign…But, now I get it. It is a tricky situation considering where we all work.” Hana took a sip of her wine, humming in agreement with Gina.

“I just have to ask though, what really would happen if anyone found out? I mean, you are the CEO, you can’t get fired right?”Hana spoke up, a concerned look on her face.

“No. That wouldn't happen. I’m actually in the middle of negotiating a deal, one where I would be promoted. I’d be overseeing multiple offices if we buy out these other companies. I wouldn’t be at the regular office as much, so I’m thinking our relationship wouldn’t be of much concern since I wouldn’t be at the office as much.” Yoongi explained. You listened closely, because this was all new information to you. However, you stayed silent, not wanting your friends to find out that you had no idea about any of this. “We’re keeping it really quiet right now, no one really knows.”

“Well, that’s great! I hope it all works out.” Gina cheered as she raised her glass to make a toast, she gave you warm smile, before noticing the hesitation behind your expression to return it. You ignored the confusing look from Gina and followed suit, clinking your glass with everyone else’s, but deep down, you were a bit angry with your boyfriend. How could he keep you in the dark on something as big as this.

After a few more hours, you said your goodbyes to your friends and closed the door. You turned around to find Yoongi standing behind you. “It went great right? I think I impressed them.” Yoongi said proudly as he tried to pull you into his embrace.

“Yep, great.” You responded sarcastically as you pushed past him, starting the process of cleaning up the mess from dinner. Yoongi followed behind you, asking what was wrong.

“What happened? Everything went really well…unless I missed something?” He questioned. You let out a frustrated sigh as you placed the dishes in the sink.

“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. You’re working on buying out other companies, something that could potentially take you to other cities and you just neglected to tell me. And you’ve been working on this for a while? This wasn’t even something that just happened. My friends found out before I did. Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to sit there and pray that you didn’t blurt out that I had no idea about this?” You yelled as you watched him pinch the bridge of his nose, formulating his response.

“I thought it would have been a nice surprise.” Yoongi murmured as he looked at you.

“Well it wasn’t. It makes me think that you have no trust in me. LIke you couldn’t trust me with important information.” You explained to him as you turned on the faucet, starting to scrub the plates.

“So what now? Are you mad at me? Y/N I’m sorry, it’s just been hectic with all the talks of these mergers, I really didn’t think it through.” To that, you didn’t even respond. You weren’t sure why this got you so mad. After all, other than that slip up, the day went well and technically the ultimate goal was to get your friends to bond with your boyfriend. “I don’t care if you stay or leave, I’m just angry that you didn’t at least give me a heads up.” Is all you said as he leaned against the counter.

He did end up staying over that night and by the next morning, you decided to just not bring it up again, but you couldn’t help the doubts that started to reappear in the back of your mind. You wondered if his secretary knew about the mergers. You thought about whether he'd need to move for work. If he would start to travel even more often than he already did. But most importantly you wondered if your relationship was as secure as you had previously thought it was. Does he not trust me?

[cheonstapes]

😝 omg I absolutely loved the way u wrote spider barbie!!! Thanks again so much!! 💕✨

If it’s not too much of a bother, I would like to send in another request lol. 😅 (unless there’s a limit on how many requests can be sent, I completely understand 😊)

I would like to request Miguel O’Haraxfem!Jessica rabbit inspired reader. She’s the most beautiful & generous spider woman across the multiverse, which makes sense since she’s also the most desired among the spiders. Maybe one day she’s hanging out w/ her friends (Miles, Gwen, Hobie, Pavitr, & Peter) at the spider society cafeteria when everyone in the group could be discussing their Valentine’s Day plans. Until they decide to ask her if she has a date or any upcoming plans (The spider gang not knowing she’s already married to Miguel 😂) When asked she just zones out and has flashbacks about all the multiple dates her and miguel went on throughout the multiverse, including the spicy times they shared together~ 😉

When asked again, she lets them know tht she’s already in an established relationship w/ Miguel; which makes the spider gang’s jaws drop bcuz even though miguel is a good looking guy they can’t understand how a ray of sunshine like her ended up with someone as serious and angry like Miguel 😂

The spider gang could ask: “What do u see in tht guy?!?!” 😱 Spider-reader: “He makes me laugh..😏”

Thanks again! 😊🙏🏻

miguel o'hara stars in... 'WAIT...YOU'RE ROGER RABBIT?' (°ロ°) !

a/n ~ i absolutely love jessica rabbit, girlboss, she's so hot. TYSM for this request my love!!!! there's never a limit ( ` ω ´ ) send as many as you want bby 💗 i went a little overboard but this was so fun to write!! ALSO ITS MIGUELS BIRTHDAY!!

summary; it's valentine's day at hq, and everyone can't help but wonder why you're still single.

pairing; miguel o'hara x reader

wc; 2.3k+

cw; FLUFF!! SMUT!!, secret relationship, pining, no one can believe you n miguel are together, loss of virginity, m!masturbation, pillow fuckin, fleshlights, miguel fucks an ai you, first time, established relationship, reader is very popular, day dreaming abt miguel (real), they're just in love, nawt proofread - crying over this

valentine’s day at hq was always fun - for you least.

every year since you joined the spider society it seemed like the gifts would multiply - what stared out as some cute cards and a couple boxes of chocolate eventually turned into bouquets of roses, teddies, gifts, and even declaration’s of love. it was all flattering, honestly. to know that so many people admired you was a great feeling, even if you can’t reciprocate - it’s the sentiment that counts. but unfortunately you were already spoken for - by none other than your own boss, your fiancé, miguel. 

having started with such a beloved reputation was one of the main reasons your husband-to-be actually avoided you at first. it was like you had your own personal fan club - spiders’ following you around where you go, people offering to by you lunch, begging miguel to put you on a mission with them, showering you with compliments. you were really irritating to him, another distraction he didn’t have the time to deal with - not that he wanted to anyway. well, that was until he did. 

gradually, he started to notice how your eyes would light up when you’d see something you like, how you’d wear that one perfume thats scent would linger a bit too long in the air, ages after you’ve already sped off down the hallway. he warmed up to you eventually, leading to you two spending a lot more time together. little dates in the different universes, him picking up a little souvenir for you on missions and you doing the same - eventually leading to you two moving in together, and then him proposing. keeping you two’s relationship a secret was a decision that you both had to make, considering how popular you were and that miguel’s your boss. so every valentine’s day, you both celebrate together privately in miguel’s nueva york condo - exchanging gifts and kisses, drinking till you fall asleep in each other’s arms. this year, however, was a little different. 

hiding a relationship isn’t the easiest thing in the word, especially at a time like this - when all you want to do is pounce on your fiancé every time you see him ’n kiss him till you’re both breathless. it was getting tiring. it’s the day of love and you can’t do the one thing the day is about, love someone. you’d both send lingering glances at each other throughout the day, sneaky touches when no one’s looking, maybe even a few quick make out sesh’s in miguel’s office. you both knew you wouldn’t make it through the rest of the day, eventually separating as you sat in the canteen with some of your spider-friends - ones miguel wasn’t very keen on eating lunch with, leading to him retreating back to his office alone. 

the table was buzzing as everyone mentioned their plans for the day - miles taking gwen to his universe on a little day out that he swears isn’t a date, pav and gayatri going to her new movie, peter and mj having someone babysit mayday so they can go on a long-overdue date, and hobie - well, he doesn’t believe in valentine’s, i guess. you so badly wanted to join in, silently chewing on your ’spider-man 2099’ themed burger. your fiancé was basically everywhere, how can you not miss him - even if he’s just a couple minutes walk from you. it was bittersweet, to say the least, to listen to your friends so passionately- 

“hey, y/n, any plans this year? please tell me you’re finally dating someone.” the sudden voice made you jump, eyes widening as you look at the culprit, a sly smile on her face. “uhhh, n-no not really.” that was a lie. the whole table groaned their complaints, all still in disbelief that you’re still not seeing anyone. “you serious? love, look at you - and look at them.” hobie gestures to the crowd forming behind the table, all of them holding some sort of gift for you - some more…extravagant than the rest. “there’s no way that you can’t find someone, babe.” i mean, technically, he was right - you could practically get anyone you wanted. but, you already got what you want, and that’s miguel. 

he’s your everything. despite the turbulent start you both had, it was all worth it in the end. miguel loves like you’re his last - which you are, and his first too - in all aspects. hearing your boss was a virgin was even more shocking then him admitting his feelings for you - cause, like, how? you tried so hard not to laugh, he couldn’t be serious. it turns out he was very, very, very serious. you felt so bad, running up to him and holding him tightly - reassuring him that is was ok, that there was nothing wrong with being a virgin no matter his age. you took it slow for the first few months, nothing more than heated kisses and a bit of groping but it never went further than that. to be honest, you were scared. miguel was nothing short of impatient to feel you, to finally sink his cock into you after centuries of you denying him of that. you knew, of course, how desperate he was - but it was a big deal to you. the thing was, you were a virgin too. it was too sudden to mention so you went with keeping it a secret, but damn was it getting harder to not give in. the thought of him leaving after fucking you was at the forefront of your mind, you obviously knew he wouldn’t - but men are still men, right?

when he did find out, it went a hell of a lot better than you expected it to. both of you deciding to take your time learning each other’s bodies, exploring new likes and dislikes, discovering new kinks, and overall - strengthening the love you both hold for each other. your first time was magical. it was exactly three years ago now, on valentines day, sprawled out on miguel’s plush, king sized bed.

“f-fhhuck, feels so good, baby. are…are you doing ok, sweetheart?”

he was so attentive, making sure you felt as comfortable as possible, constantly asking if you’re feeling alright. it couldn’t have been more perfect. miguel’s large frame engulfed you as you sat in his. lap, his body pressed against the headboard. holding you close, he guided your hips slowly against his slick cock, the stretch momentarily caused a sharp pain to run through your body - miguel soothing you with sweet, wet kisses down the side of your sweaty neck. his large hands roamed your body, gripping your hips, waist, gently kneading your ass. the room felt hot, sweat mixing together as your hips move in tandem with his own - it was a prime example of love making. breathless kisses were shared, lips slotting together sloppily as you rode him eagerly - you were such a sight on top of him, a goddess sent just for him. “mig- baby, you’re so- shit, you’re so perfect.” no, you were perfect. soft skin pressing against his solid body, tits rubbing on his - slick running down his length. your moans were like a chorus of angels singing down to him, his heart almost pounding out of his chest from the love he feels for you. 

sharing a moment like this together was a turning point in your relationship. giving each other your virginities, connecting in a way you will never experience with anyone else - you were made for each other. his hips sped up, slamming into your sore cunt as he wrapped his arms around your waist. digging his feet into the soft sheets and pulling your hot body into his, lips latching onto your jaw. you still couldn’t believe he was a virgin before he met you. the way he moved, the way his tip would hit that one spot deep by your cervix, the way his thick fingers would caress your aching nipples - he had to have had some sort of experience. but the truth was, miguel had little to no sex drive. not feeling compelled at all to even rub one off, he was too busy after all - trying to keep the multiverse in tact. that all changed when he met you. suddenly, in his 30 years of living, did he have his first wet dream - and it was about you. 

he felt like a teenager again, learning things for the first time. watching porn for the first time was something, spending hours looking for a woman who looks somewhat like you - much to the interest and concern of LYLA. this was very serious to him, knowing that he would eventually fuck you - he would spend all his free time learning how to please you properly. tutorials, articles, and just plain amateur porn were his best friends. he would practice with his pillow, even buying a fleshlight to stick between it to just make it a little bit more realistic. at one point, he felt like he completely lost it. spending months learning how to fuck you wasn’t making him feel any better, he didn’t feel like he really knew how to please you. so what did he do? he made a holographic version of you, of course!

programming it to be exactly like you, using your measurements from when he made your suit to get your body as accurate as possible. it wasn’t really you, but it was good enough. he still had to work out the kinks but he was getting there. he ditched the porn completely, using ai you to progress instead. fucking an ai isn’t as easy as you think, but it was enough to help him figure out what positions he wants you in, even what ones you’d like statistically. miguel never did end up telling you about it, keeping ai you locked away in a secret folder. he was no stranger in letting you know how obsessed he was with you, but this was just embarrassing to him - and knowing you, he would never live this down. but don’t worry, LYLA’s always here to remind him time and time again. 

miguel was never the same after he lost his virginity to you - he became insatiable. it was like a switch flipped in his brain and suddenly he was always horny for you, quickies in his office becoming daily occurrences. speaking of quickies, you could feel his cum from earlier pooling in your panties right now- 

“yn? YN! is she- is she ok?” oh…you were at lunch still. everyone at the table was staring at. you with raised brows, silently intimidating you into spilling what you were so engrossed in to the point where you missed the whole conversation. you obviously weren’t about to tell them you were just thinking of their boss fucking you into next week, like come on - think about the kids, guys. “i…i, uh- it was nothing really. sorry about that, just zoned out for a sec.” it was something, someone as a matter of fact. you might as well tell them, what’s the harm in it? you’re only gonna get absolutely bombarded by everyone and anyone in hq but that’s the least of your worries. the table had seemingly moved on, chatting about their plans again before you jumped in - “actually, i do have plans.” that certainly got their attention. all eyes were on you, even the crowd still lingering behind perked up at your comment, leaning closer to hear what you had to say. 

“me ’n miguel were just gonna stay ho-“ 

“MIGUEL?!”

gasps. that’s all you could hear. everyones jaws were dropped, blinking their eyes at you like a bunch of frogs. “what? am i not allowed to spend time with my fiancé-“

“FIANCÈ?!”

it’s like every time you spoke it got worse, the table erupting in shouts of disbelief - it was getting difficult to speak over them, the constant questions being thrown at you were overwhelming to say the least. you weren’t obligated to explain yourself, love is love - even if it’s between someone as lovely and sweet as you, and someone as moody and feral as miguel. you guys made it work and that’s all that matters! someone else had something to say on the matter though, the commotion prompting miguel to emerge out of his cave and head straight to you.

“as i was saying, he’s my fiancé, we always spend valentines together. miguel is a great guy. yeah, he’s an asshole - but you just gotta get to know him.” you’re not wrong, miguel certainly seems to agree. the table went silent, staring up at his figure looming over you. “i don’t appreciate you guys harassing my wife. now, if you have no further questions - we have plans tonight, that don’t involve people prying into our privacy.” you spun around in your seat, looking up at him sheepishly. his eyes seemed to warm up at bit, a large hand reaching out to you - one that you immediately take. he held you close to him, interlocking your fingers tightly as he addressed the table. “and…our wedding is next year. you’re all only invited ‘cause she wanted you guys there. do not disappoint her.” with that, he turns on his heels, dragging you along with him - he didn’t want to deal with them anymore, not when he had the rest of the day to spend loving you instead. 

“baby, y’sure you’re ok with everyone knowing about…us?” that was a stupid question. of course he was, you’re his - and he’s yours. “you’re about to be my wife cariño, todo el mundo necesita saber que estás fuera de los límites - ‘specially that fuckin’ fan club of yours.” he was such a big baby, pouting like that. “oh my god! you’re jealous of a bunch of kids who have a little crush on me, babe. ‘sides, i think it’s quite cute - i got so much chocolate this year-“

“throw them away, i’m getting you all that and more.”

-cariño, todo el mundo necesita saber que estás fuera de los límites - sweetheart, everyone needs to know you're off limits

-the miguel figure on my dresser says hi!

[rakurairagnarok]

Hey, idk if requests are open right now, but if they are…

I’ve been kind of out of control in my life lately. People keep telling me where to go and what to do, it’s infuriating! If only I was bigger, stronger… no one would dare tell me how to go about my life again.

Bigger and stronger is it?

A knock on your door signals the arrival of a parcel to your apartment. Opening the box you find a stick of deodorant inside. On the label it just says "Daddy's Home" and a small logo at the top which reads Rakurai Inc.

You pop the top open and give it a whiff, which immediately sends you reeling back. Its musky, salty, sour. Smells like a locker room.

When you go to grab your own deodorant you find that it is completely empty, and a quick smell of your pit shows you're in desperate need of some.

Reluctantly you lather yourself up with the stick and put it in your bag, before heading out to work.

Your job was the same as ever. People screaming at you what to do, not listening to a word you say.

About half way through the day you're fed up and scream back at your manager. Right after you're shocked. You would never talk back to a surperior.

You apologize profusely and say you're not feeling great and quickly go home.

On the way home you can't help but scratch all over your chest and arms. You find your shirt getting tighter as well, maybe it has shrunk in the wash?

When you finally get home you quickly undress and move to the bathroom. Looking at your reflection in the mirror your jaw drops. Massive mounds of muscle and hair stare back at your shocked face. At the same time a weird smell whafts up into your nose. You raise your arm to sniff your pit and your head blanks, the musk so overpowering its getting hard to think.

Think? You didn't think though. Well, not with your head at least. You think with your enormous cock and balls, which were almost bursting out of your underwear.

You stroke your endowment through your shorts and smirk at the mirror. You grab your phone, download grindr, snap a quick picture and invite the first greedy twink you can find over.

Right after you send a sleuth of profanities to your boss and say you're resigning.

After all, a Big Daddy like you doesn't listen to anyone but himself.

Rakurai Inc. Is looking for new test subjects to many of its experimental products! Feel free to send a message, we might have just the thing you're looking for.

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though. 

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them. 

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it’s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to. 

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes. 

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete. 

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together. 

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s. 

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show. 

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

[about-faces]

Batman: Caped Crusader, Episodes 1-2 thoughts (SPOILERS)

First things first, Harvey is as bad as I’d expected. I honestly can’t tell whether this is worse than the version we got in the last Timm-produced animated Batman show, “Beware the Batman.” That Harvey was a humorless prick straight out of the William Atherton school of jerkasses, while this one is a smug sleazebag who would be someone you’d love to hate if he weren’t also a complete inversion of a great tragic hero turned villain.

I’m just so sick of people portraying Harvey as a politician first and foremost, performing for the cameras and thinking about his career ambitions. I’m sick of him being a corrupt asshole and even an authoritarian. I’m sick him being two-faced, when the irony of his character is that he himself never WAS. Now that that’s out of my system, I’ll move on, because I know he has an arc in store that may prove more interesting than the usual Asshole Harvey takes.

They tried several things with the Penguin, and I’m not sure they gelled into anything that worked for me this time out. Making her a woman, that’s no problem, and I appreciate her classic style and appearance in a time when everyone just wants to turn Cobblepot into a boring Tony Soprano knockoff.

Ultimately, though, it all just served to make her a standard “Ma Barker” archetype. You know, the alleged matriarchal crime boss who was killed by Hoover’s FBI, who may have dragged her name through the mud to excuse their killing of an old woman? There used to be several takes on her in pop culture, although nowadays the only famous one is probably Ma Beagle from “DuckTales.”

With that in mind, they should have just cast Margo Martindale. Excuse me, didn’t use her full name: Beloved Character Actress Margo Martindale. Minnie Driver is a fantastic actress (I’m still mad that “The Riches” was not only cancelled but totally forgotten), but it was a waste not to let her use her real accent. As it was, she was fine, but she didn’t bring anything special to match the physical design. As an actress, she deserved more to play with.

Also, “Oswalda” is a terrible fake name. Like come on guys, you can do better. That’s on par with Revolver Ocelot’s real Russian name being “Adamska.”

The biggest problem with this take on Penguin is that she’s set up as some kind of brilliant mastermind, only to act incredibly stupid, reckless, and gullible. She kills not one but two innocent goons, including her own son, without so much as an investigation or even keeping tabs on the suspected rats to use them as pawns against Thorne! To paraphrase Dijkstra from the “Witcher” books, you don’t kill spies, you USE them. You feed them misinformation! You blackmail them into being double agents! This Penguin is bad at her job, so no wonder she loses everything within hours. It’s amazing she was able to build a crime empire in the first place!

I also dislike Bullock being a corrupt cop in the mob’s pocket. That fits Flass perfectly, but Bullock? Fuck no. Bullock IS dirty, but he’s dirty in a very acceptable way to cops. He’s brutal, he cuts corners, he’s crass, and he’s probably not above planting or concealing evidence, but selling out to the mob? Hell no. That’s just wrong. Hate that choice. Unless it’s a misdirection. This show sure does love its misdirections from what I’ve seen so far.

Batman himself is… fine. He’s Batman. He’s not a bad Batman. He’s serviceable but unremarkable. But at least he wasn’t an irritating asshole, which is more than I can say for most Batman depictions these days. I liked Bruce trying his “falling off a boat” joke a second time, delivered verbatim after it flopped with Barbara.

Barbara being a defense attorney is a rather contrived choice, one that gets to put her at odds with Harvey while also giving her a professional in with both Batman and Gordon. Essentially, she’s in the role Harvey Dent is supposed to play. Except here she’s a defense attorney, which SHOULD put her at odds with her dad, since lawyers and cops don’t seem to like one another, for SOME reason!

And Harvey, even as District Attorney, can’t be in the role of legal ally to either Gordon, because the story is far more focused on making him a mayoral candidate who throws people under the bus for his own advancement! Feh.

Anyway, that was episode one. It was fine, I guess.

The screenplay is by novelist and DC veteran Greg Rucka, so of course Renee Montoya is the central focus. Seeing her interact with Sleazebag Harvey gave me war flashbacks to what Rucka did with Renee and Harvey in the comics: setting them up with a poignant dynamic of tenuous respect and kindness before dashing it all with “Gotham Central: Half a Life,” which solidified the perception of Harvey as a creepy, obsessive stalker for a generation of fans. That version of them was very much of display here. Sigh.

Also, Lucius Fox is Bruce’s lawyer now? Why? And also, what the hell? God, poor Lucius. He starts off in comics as the guy actually running Wayne Enterprises, then “Batman: The Animated Series” makes him Bruce’s right-hand-man, then Nolan and Goyer get the inspired idea to make him the Q to Bruce’s 007, while the comics don’t know what to do with him and even make him an authoritarian to cause friction with his vigilante son, and now this? It’s such a random choice. There’s no reason why this character should be Lucius. Hell, Lucius could have shown up there WITH the lawyer and that would have been fine. As it is, it’s just weird.

That said! I overall liked this episode an awful lot! For DECADES now, I’ve wanted to see someone remember that Basil Karlo was an older actor in the classic horror movie vein (his name is literally a combination of Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff), but ever since “Batman: The Animated Series,” everyone has just tried to make him BTAS’ Matt Hagen. Like, I really liked the “One Bad Day” issue for Clayface, where he gradually killed his way to the top of Hollywood stardom, but even that was still BTAS Hagen, the Serious Actor, not Karlo, the old horror ham actor.

But with this episode, someone finally drew on the old Hollywood horror roots of the character, and they found a way to combine his shape shifting abilities into the mix! I’m so happy!

Of course, this is me, so I still have criticisms. Like, I think it was unnecessary to frame it as a mystery, because that added unnecessary complications. I know the original Clayface story was a whodunnit and you can’t do that now that everyone knows that Karlo is Clayface. I was annoyed by the misdirection of Karlo’s “death,” in part because I feared this would be another Clever Subversion, just like how the animated adaptations of “Gotham By Gaslight,” “Hush,” and “The Long Halloween” purposely went against expectations from the source material in stupid ways. Hell, they’re doing the same thing now with Penguin (“But wait, there’s a twist: she’s a woman!”) and Harvey (“But wait, there’s a twist: he’s an asshole!”), so I was afraid this Clayface would end up being someone else entirely. I was okay with it in the end, but I’m annoyed at the cheap fakeout as a plot point.

Furthermore, I don’t get why Basil disguised himself as the doctor (whose name I don’t remember) for the benefit of the actress (whose name I don’t remember) he had chained up in his hideout. What benefit was there in making her think he was the doctor? She was already aware she was a prisoner and was scared, so why the facade? It served no purpose in context, only just to misdirect the viewers.

This is what happens when you try to make something a mystery when it would work better as a thriller. Stop trying to wow audiences with twists and surprises when you could just be focusing on telling a good story. So what if everyone figures out Karlo is Clayface? Who cares! Just go with it! Let them be in on it while Batman and Montoya figure it out themselves, that’s where the tension lies! Stop trying to be clever.

Regardless, I really liked this episode. I want this to now be the canon comics origin for Basil Karlo’s Clayface. Just explain that the treatments for his face gradually affected his whole body, and boom, you’ve successfully explained how classic Slasher Clayface became Mud Monster Clayface. This is how Karlo should always be written from now on. If you really want a sensitive, angsty lug Clayface, bring back Hagen. Let Karlo be the gloriously hammy monster with aspirations of stardom.

[cerastes]

You know, I was just thinking, there's this game I like, I've talked about this one both on and off stream, it's Luminous Arc 2. It's one of those Way of the Samurai 4 games that are garbage games that did some things REALLY well but are still very much not good games overall, but that I LOVE. You know how much I love Way of the Samurai 4. I also love Luminous Arc 2, it's not a good game, it's a game that merits 0 playthroughs, and yet I gave it 2 full playthroughs.

With WotS4, I can explain to you what parts of it are genius hidden in an ocean of shit, but I can't with Luminous Arc 2, I've not done the mental homework on that one, so I did this weekend, and...

Luminous Arc 2 executes the Nanoha-style Magical Girl formula very very well.

Now, you may have heard that Nanoha is a mecha show but instead of mecha, there's magical girls. And that assessment is absolutely 100% correct. Luminous Arc 2 somehow distills the purely Magical Girl elements from Nanoha's mecha-magical girl execution and pulls them off REALLY well.

Allow me to elaborate.

Nanoha nails down the Good Fight Scene. Not just in fight choreography, but also, in essence of what a good fight scene aims to accomplish for an overarching narrative as an element in the bigger scheme that you can't just skip. Think about Code Geass for a moment: Is Code Geass a mecha show? It sure has mecha, but it's not a mecha show. You could replace the mecha in Code Geass with tanks and helicopters and nothing would change. In fact, at least one adaption of Code Geass does exactly this. Code Geass is a great show but it's not mecha in its themes and execution. Code Geass is a not mecha show with mecha. Nanoha is a mecha show without mecha. You can't remove the fights from Nanoha without it not being Nanoha anymore, and in each fight, we learn more about the characters, the characters learn more about each other, and even if any given fight does not move the plot forward, it does move the character arcs forward, on top of being fun to watch.

And Nanoha accomplishes this by making the same characters fight each other a bunch. Symphogear also does this. Each fight between the same characters feels different each time, because they are growing in terms of motivations and themes.

Luminous Arc 2 does the same with each of its big arcs. In the optional sidequests, you often just fight some mooks and a stronger, sometimes recolored version of a generic monster. The main story stages of the game, though? You are always fighting someone important or a consequence of someone's important's actions. Initially, you fight an ice witch named Fatima and her cat familiar and companion Josie a bunch. As the plot advances, your rogue's gallery keeps expanding, from the bandit Karen and her gang, who initially seem to be disconnected to the overall plot and is more of a Team Rocket deal, to actual lore powerhouses like Master Matthias and others who I shall omit for brevity. Luminous Arc 2 has three big arcs, and each of these have an evolving cast of reoccurring bosses that you fight for plot reasons, and you get to know each other a lot more with each fight, shedding light on their motivations, and them shedding light, in turn, on the motivations of your own side, which are actually not immediately discernible to you in their entirety.

And this is all really good! You get used to their signature moves, their animations, the way they usually structure their units, a bunch of really cool little things.

And maybe this game is sounding good to you, but make no mistake, it's a pretty fucking mediocre SRPG that you can play with your brain turned off. No cohesion, very little unit identity, incredibly self-indulgent first and everything else a distant second, it's NOT a good game... But what it did good, it really knocked it out of the park.

In terms of getting to know your enemy, their motivations, and how they in turn get to know and let you know more about you... Luminous Arc 2 does it better than most. Which is hilarious because this game sucks in every other department. It's not a good game. I did two full playthroughs and I would do a third.

[shnebrght]

Why Sasagawa Ryohei is considered the 'weakest' of the Vongola Decimo Guardians || A META ANALYSIS

===Spoiler Warning to the Manga of KHR.===This is the only warning you'll be getting.

First, a clarification because this came out of nowhere -- Yes, Ryohei is considered the 'weakest' of the Guardians by both Dino and Reborn, at the start of the Varia arc. This is backed by him being ranked the 5th Strongest in Namimori Middle, preceding Kusakabe (Hibari's 2nd-in-command). It is only after training with Colonello that he gains a semblance of power reliable enough to protect the familiga, besides just being 'really good at punching'. Simply put, at the level required in the series, Ryohei's set of skills - that being a really good boxer - isn't enough to qualify for a powerful guardian.

In that regard, he's even outdone by Lambo, at 5-years old, thanks to his arsenal and 10-year jump potential. How is that possible?

-- To tackle this question, we need to consider what makes a character 'strong' in Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Simple physical strength is of course a factor, but it's hardly the only one; in fact, it's one of the least accounted-for factors. This is backed by the Maximum Cannon being literally the strongest one-hit move among the Decimo Guardians, probably outdoing even Tsuna's 20% X-Burner. So, we have a character who's physically capable of outputting more raw power than his boss in one hit, yet he's still considered the weakest. This is because, the conclusion I have arrived at is: In KHR, a character's 'power' isn't dictated by their strength, but by their effectiveness.

For a simple example -- I-Pin's Mahjong Mega Bomb is possibly the one single strongest nuke in the show. But it takes it 10 whole counts until it blasts off, in which I-Pin is stationary. Is this effective? Not at all. As displayed numerous times throughout the daily life arc, it's perfectly plausible to avoid and nullify all damage from the blast by stepping out of range in time, or just throwing I-Pin away. Sure, it's a gag move, but it exists and we must take it into account. By contrast, we have the Levi Volta. I'm going to be honest, this is one of the least interesting moves in the series to me. It's never even used again after Hayato dispatches Levi. However, we can't ignore its effectiveness. Levi Volta is a sure-hit lightning strike condensed into one spot. Unless you're someone like Hayato who just so happens to have a way to counter, or Lambo who's got immunity, this is a clearcut one-shot. It's even been said that Levi himself isn't impressive, but this move alone is what put him in the Varia Officers rank. Let me repeat that: This move, alone, made him a Varia Officer. This is how effective the Levi Volta is in what it does, without getting into more specifics.

In short, a character's power is dictated by their techniques' effectiveness and skill, as shown in two examples. This is why Hibari for that matter, who's simply strong, hardy and great at fighting, is as stupidly powerful as he is: he's simply that effective. Notice that Hibari does not have nuke-level attacks, or even building-level attacks. All he has is two Tonfa, and his skill brought him to the same level as Dino -- who also doesn't have big bombastic moves.

Back to the subject at hand -- what about Ryohei makes him 'less effective' than the rest of the Guardians?

Not to throw shade at Ryohei at all; despite being labeled the weakest, that becomes arguable once he learns to utilize the Maximum Cannon (and subsequent moves). But, he's still considered on the weaker side, and consistently doesn't win in his fights despite great showcase of strength. Ryohei's boxing skill is also immensely good; blocking isn't a big thing in boxing, fighters mostly using dodging to nullify attacks and open their opponents. In that sense, Ryohei managed to dodge a majority of the damage Koyo attempted to land, while still getting deliberately grazed to charge his Sunlight Bangle. This takes inhuman amount of skill, which Ryohei is able to showcase, albeit with a Cambio Forma. Safe to say, he's easily one of the world's greatest boxers-- in sheer skill alone. He's also the well-reliable Sun Guardian, as shown 10-years later.

But Boxing in general is not a great choice for martial arts. While popular, it is subpar, as judged by several real-life martial arts experts. Him sticking to Boxing exclusively makes him incredibly good at what he does, but limits him in that sense too. Moreover, there is one common denominator for many characters in the series -- and that's, the use of Weapons.

Reborn is the most classic hitman in the series, modeled after the stereotype of Italian mafia. Therefore, he's a weapons expert. But it doesn't stop there: Gokudera using dynamite, Yamamoto learning swordsmanship, Hibari's tonfa -- even Tsuna uses a weapon: while the gloves by themselves aren't 'weapons', the ability they bestow definitely is. How do you expect to throw hands with a guy that shoots fire??

In the weapons department, Ryohei only has his fists. And that already places him at a disadvantageous point. While he's on-paper extremely skilled at what he does, his skill level is compromised by virtue of lack of weapon in the series.

To make a quick run-down of the other pure-martial artists in the series for comparison (almost all of which Ryohei outdoes), we have:

I-Pin and Fon, who use Gyoza Kenpo, a form of martial arts incorporating garlic to disrupt the enemy's nerves.

Joshima Ken, while not a 'martial artist', he is equipped with his fangs to grant him animal abilities and traits.

Lancia, who has a giant steel ball.

Lussuria, who not only has insanely quick movement, but also a metal knee - which by itself is a weapon.

Zakuro, technically, who just becomes a T-Rex and attacks with heat and Storm Flames anyway.

All of these guys have something extra going on for them besides just raw power. Ryohei doesn't have that. Ryohei relies solely on his skills as a boxer, and the principle taught to him by Colonello, to channel the power of his cells. Maximum Cannon is essentially a technique, but it's still just raw strength -- and, it's not even that reliable; requiring a very long recharge time to even utilize at maximum strength. His fighting style subtly changes to suit the Sun Flames' attributes eventually, but in the end it's still a principle that actively requires Ryohei risk himself, oftentimes gravely.

The other reason I feel that is relevant, is the author's emphasis on the Sun Flame being 'not as strong' as the rest of the flames. At least, not by itself.

The maximum healing capacity of the Sun Flames is demonstrated in Daisy, which can regenerate instantly like a lizard. I personally was amazed that this is what they pulled, only to later have my impression thwarted in accounts of the other Millefiore Guardians having even more extreme applications to their Flames. Basically, Daisy is presented to us as the first opponent fought against, because - to be inferred narratively - they are the weakest of the Six Funeral Wreaths. And it just so happens that Ryohei also has this flame, albeit with a different, much more self-destructive tendency. It's worth noting, in terms of effectiveness - Daisy outclasses Ryohei by a landslide, too (in my personal analysis, Daisy is the epitome of Sun Flames effectiveness).

Sun Flames, either through its healing properties, attribution to Irie Shoichi or Gokudera's use, is narratively told to be 'the support flame'. Which means, it's hard-pressed to find any attacks that encompass pure Sun Flame energy. In fact -- Ryohei is literally the only character in the series to even do that.

Ryohei definitely received the short end of the stick, but by no means is he actually 'weak'. As a potential Hitman he's definitely the least efficient among the Guardians, that's for sure. But that's mostly because of the series' focus and variety in its power system.

That said -- KHR is a series with normal humans. Remember that there's not a single person in all of KHR (except Daisy and his stupid hacks) that can tank a Maximum Cannon. So in terms of raw physicality, Ryohei is at the top of the series' list. Does that help him in fights? ...Unfortunately, not so much.

I find it interesting that the strongest Guardian, is actually the weakest; as 'power' is established to be 'effectiveness', and not strength.

That is all for this analysis, You're all incredible.

Especially if you actually read all of that like, holy shit.

I wrote a lot, huh.

[hellslayersomething]

I feel like I should write out some proper thoughts about my opinions on Veilguard, or at least an outline for the much longer essay that is currently calcifying in my heart. It's a mixed bag of a reaction, and I'm not going to compliment sandwiching any of it--this is all just stream of consciousness, so I'm probably going to snag on the negative and spiral down that pretty quickly. Spoilers, obviously:

I liked the battle system. For the first time in a DA game, it actually felt satisfying to play and had its own identity. I do wish the Pokemon element aspect was a little better balanced among the companions, but overall it was great.

That said, considering the length of the game, they needed way more enemy diversity, especially with the bosses. Eventually I was just fighting dragons, and every dragon had essentially the same moveset, one of those moves being "the dragon trips over her own dick and face-plants on top of Rook", which sure doesn't make the fights feel epic. Even very unique characters, like the Gloom Howler, were just reskinned basic demons when it came time to fight them.

The decision to tie companion approval to companion levels was a mistake. A massive and extremely obvious mistake. No wonder there are no disagreements or tension among the group--the game can't let you lose affinity with your team members, because then it would have to account for you leveling them down. The gameplay design here strangled the narrative design in its crib.

Speaking of narrative design: while I appreciate that the modular approach to companion arcs was experimental, it was extremely weird of them to take that approach in the only DA game where all companions are required. The story doesn't have to be written to account for the fact that you might not recruit some of them or they might die early--so why didn't they write one story about Rook and their seven friends instead of one story about Rook and also there are seven smaller, unrelated stories of extremely varying quality shoved in next to it?

The hyperfixation on the companion quests paired with their complete compartmentalization from each other means that each companion basically has nothing going on outside of their own quest and very few opportunities to engage with other characters' quests.

I was so starved for conflict in this game that I went from Solas-neutral to Solas-positive because he was the only character who the game allowed to be a bitch to me, and I respect him for that.

I do like all the horrid little sons the game gives me. I think I would appreciate them more if there was anything bad or tense happening in the story on a personal level that required some comic relief, but I am a sucker for a funky little guy none the less, and Manfred, Assan, and Spite are the perfect trifecta of funky little guys, as far as I'm concerned.

"We're only going to do character cameos if it's important to the plot." *does what they did with Isabela* Okay, devs.

"We aren't importing player choices but we won't override your decisions either." *several codex entries overriding player decisions later* Okay, devs.

I like the companions, generally. I see their potential. Fanfic will do right by them. Harding, in my mind, is the weakest of the bunch, just truly having no personality to speak of and talking like she was written by a Boomer who thinks that Millennials are still teenagers. (Everyone responsible for her uttering the phrase "Awkward..." like she's a character in 2011 quirky girl sitcom should be tried at the fucking Hague, istg.) And while I like Bellara, it was extremely frustrating to have a character that's just "Merrill, again, but with the edges sanded off". Taash and Emmerich are also glaringly the last additions in the writing process, each belonging to one of the two most underbaked factions and neither of them being tied to any of the game's few "big choices". There's promise in this cast, but I don't think any of them came close to realizing their potential.

Davrin and Emmerich's companion quests felt appropriately scoped to the size of the questlines, had good emotionality, good antagonists, and expanded on the lore of Thedas in ways we hadn't seen yet.

Lucanis's companion quest had potential, but it was too unfocused with three antagonists, too much attention to the boring Venatori shit, and not enough examination on Illario's motives or Lucanis's relationships with either Spite or Illario.

Harding's companion quest was fine, I guess (the people are starving for dwarf lore), but Harding could have been swapped out with literally any other dwarven character who wasn't Sandal and nothing would have been different. (Also weird that the whole quest was basically about Sandal while simultaneously fully removing Sandal from the narrative.)

Bellara and Neve's companion quests were just nothing. Just a whole lot of nothing. And Neve's also suffered from what I like to call "machete editing", where it is glaring obviously where things were cut, changed, moved around, and added at the last minute.

I say, from the bottom of my non-binary heart: Taash's companion quest is total ass. Real nice of Mae to come out of hiding and risk being found and executed by the Venatori to give Taash a Queer Theory 101 class, though, I fucking guess.

Is Lucanis's romance bugged? Apparently I'm not the only one who had that thought while I was playing it, so now I'm wondering. Like, there's no way they made it Like That on purpose, right?

Why and how are the Venatori still a force in Thedas, never mind a force with numbers so great (in spite of lacking a central leader) that they were able to simultaneously occupy the two largest cities in Thedas?

They literally didn't even try with the Antaam. The Venatori are at least theoretically still working to try to restore Tevinter to its former imperial might. The Antaam are just invading countries for literally no reason except ill-defined power grabs. Given the racial coding of Qunari, this writing choice sure is...something. (And that something is racist.)

That said, the revelation that the Butcher did a military tour in Europe and fell in love with the culture and just wants to drink wine and visit art museums now is fucking hilarious.

What the absolute FUCK did they do the Crows. I like the Crow characters from Tevinter Nights/the comics, and Zevran is my favorite character in the whole damn franchise, but they completely whitewashed both TN's mafia take on them and their original portrayal in DA:O. But it also doesn't really retcon anything, making it instead seem like the human trafficking and torture and sexual abuse that Zevran suffered at the Crows' hands A) only happened to him individually, and B) are fine, actually??? Even the very few times that characters express reservations about working with Lucanis because he's an assassin, if you play as a Crow, those concerns get immediately backpedaled, so the Crows end up being so ironed out that the game doesn't even let characters say of the Crows, "Murder is bad," lest it hurt a Crow Rook's feelings. That is how conflict-averse the writing is.

So I guess everyone in southern Thedas is...dead now? Several characters survived long enough to get a mention from the Inquisitor, but by the end, it sounds like Orlais, Ferelden, and most of the Free Marches are pretty much donezo. When Epler said the events in southern Thedas didn't matter, I didn't expect that to mean they were going to nuke the damn place. Even having generally enjoyed VG (in spite of all my criticisms here) that, uh...doesn't leave me enthused about the future of the franchise, ngl.

The layoffs of several writers (and other Bioware employees) before the game's release was obviously heinous. But after that secret ending, I'm now of the mind that of the writers that remain, at least a few of them need to be demoted. Like literally what the fuck was that. That was the dumbest plot point to ever appear in a Dragon Age game, and that is a high bar to clear. If you're not going to acknowledge our past choices, then keep Loghain's name out of your fucking mouths.

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

I just love your Mob turtles and their headcanons! I was wondering how each turtle would act with a medic crush. Maybe someone that works for the Mob as a lower leveled nurse that catches their eye after they need to be treated by them. How would they meet again? Who would move their crushes position up in the Mob to get closer? And who would just bash their head in again to see their crush to get treated? Love the headcanons your write and keep up the amazing work! ✨

This is really interesting, thank you for this!

DISCLAIMER!!! Because they're all evil pieces of shit, this will not be cute. it's gonna be scary and abusive (esp Donnie's one) so viewer discretion is advised

Mob! Leo

you first treat him for a stab wound, it was a bad night at one of his clubs. Some guy got too handsy with one of the dancers, Leo intervened, the guy smashed a bottle....

he got stabbed just beneath the ribs, although the other guy was put in a medically induced coma when Leo was done with him sooo... A small stab was nothing by comparison

He's sat, slumped down, in the doorway of the living room, enter: you

his body guards (as useless as they normally are) called you straight away. the pay is pretty damn good if you say so yourself, being on the mob boys retainer has its perks.

you're got your kit with you, all your medical supplies.

"sir" you start "We need to head to the kitchen, I need a flat surface to examine you" you were polite, but clear.

Leo stands without so much as a grunt even though it's got to hurt

lies down on the kitchen table

you talk him through every step you need to take, starting with "I'm going to need to cut the shirt off, I'm sorry"

he doesn't care, it's ruined anyway

when you're done, he's surprised "I didn't even feel the stitches"

"I have a gentle touch" you wink and then instantly regret winking at your boss, it shows because you're blushing

he smiles too. 'He's got such a handsome face' you think and then you can't make eye contact

you almost shove the painkillers at him in your efforts to leave

the next time there's an incident, it's your day off, but he asked for you specifically and you can't exactly say no...

after that, it's you every time and the "incidents" are getting more frequent and less severe

you're at the house almost every 2 days

it gets to the point where a band-aid would suffice for the injury

but he's started sending you home with gifts, now

fancy chocolates, a bottle of wine, gift cards to high end shops ect

it's getting obvious why it's always you he calls

until, one night, it all comes to a head

he accidentally sliced his finger cooking and it will need stitches, but there are 2 place settings at the table and he asks you to stay for dinner after you patch him up

a hour in, and a little wine drunk, you blurt out "You know you could've just asked me out, there was no need to maim yourself to get my attention" you instantly regret this

he just chuckles

"Wish you'd told me sooner, I was deciding which one of my fingers I needed the least"

Mob! Raph

Oh he's so accident prone

will never admit it, but he really is

you're one of his newest hires and were excited at the chance to get some hands on experience since leaving med school

boy does he give you some

his first call is because he was shot right in the thigh

it almost hit a major artery

even you were panicked

you kept asking "is this ok? It doesn't hurt too much right?"

but he had to to keep face and even when he'd wince he'd command "Keep going!"

you weren't exactly dressed for the occasion, you were wearing what was once a baby blue crop top (now red) and and shorts and your mid-drift was showing

Raph seemed to notice this a lot

and when the bleeding had stopped you'd got him stitched up, he put an arm around your waist and told you how great of a job you did

it got you a little flustered

eventually, at some team meeting (you did not know there would be team meetings and neither did the other medics but Raph treated this like it's always happened) he announces you as head medic

this comes with more pay, but more responsibility

you're on call 24/7 basically

you get his personal phone number and a "don't be araif to call if you need anything, the phone works both ways"

this kind of earns you the cold shoulder from Donatello who was usually the one who fixed up Raph

everything was going great as was pretty professional until-

one night the phone rings, it's Raph, and he's clearly drunk

words slurring, talking real slow and basically humming down the line

he asks you to come over and if you "have a nurses outfit"

you ask who's hurt

"It's me, I'm so *fake cough* ill... I could use a little TLC..."

you're a medic, not a call girl so you hang up

the next time you see him he's a weird mix or embarrassed and pissed off

like he knows he shouldn't have done it but he's angry you wouldn't fuck him

it's one of his guys who's been beat up, needs a few eyebrow stitches

Raph is too close, really in your personal space as you're trying to work

when you're done he walks you to the door and, through gritted teeth, says "I'm glad my little.... Indiscretion the other night hasn't made you unprofessional"

"That's a weird way of saying sorry" you reply in the sweetest tone you can muster

he glares

"...I'm....I'm sorry"

you smile until he pulls you in by the wrist

"Don't get cocky now!" he hisses "Remember who pays your bills"

you lean in and whisper "It's funny that you asked, because I do have a nurse outfit. Only men who respect me and my boundaries get to see it" you say that last part more forcefully as you pull away from his grip

after that it's a pretty clear game of cat and mouse between you two

Mob! Mikey

It's been crystal clear since day 1 that he wants you

stroking your hair while you're trying to assess him, rubbing up close to you, giving you pay rise after pay rise...

you try not to be alone with him

but one day, and you're surprised because it's only like 1pm, you get a call

Mikey had a chunk bitten out of his neck and needs urgent attention

you're pretty used to all the weird and wonderful injuries he acquires and when you're done seeing to him, you realise it's now only you two in the room

he gets up and clicks his neck

"That's one thing I love about you, you know" he had a habit of starting sentences like you'd been talking this entire time even when you hadn't "You don't ask questions. It's a lovely quality in a girl" the space between you is getting smaller

"it's not my job to ask questions" you say timidly

he's closing in still "I like that attitude"

your back is to a set of drawers now

he's right in front of you

I think the lidocaine is wearing off, this is starting to hurt" he gestures at his neck "Can you kiss it better?"

your heart is racing and you're not sure if it's because this is threatening or because he's shirtless and you haven't taken you eyes off his abs for too long now

He laughs and puts his hands up

"Hey, just joking!" he begins to back away

you turn to leave and right as you grab the door handle he calls

"But, sweetheart, you ever feel like having a crazy night. You know who to call, no strings attached" and winks

after that, and extra 2k is put in your account under the reference "for your discretion"

lingerie is sent to your apartment as well as flowers

the next time you need to go see him, he asks if you're wearing it

you blush and look away, he just grins at you

eventually he throws a huge party that you're invited to, he never leaves your side

you drink a little too much to cope with the circumstance and before you know it you wake up from a black out in the back of his car just as it pulls up to your apartment

he walks you in, you're still unsteady on your feet, and kisses you at the door

"angel, you should be more careful" he does not elaborate before leaving

you hand in your notice which is only mailed back to you with "nice try" written on it

Mikey always gets his way, one way or another

Mob! Donnie

He's a very hot and cold man

he'll smile and talk to you one day, then you don't exist the next

you can't get a feel for him at all

he's never been inappropriate or rude just... cold and distant

it's normally you he calls, you know this because the other medics are pissed off that they don't have an "in" with him

you did ask why, once

he just said you give the neatest stitches

it had been a while since you'd seen him

his brothers and he just had a big court case so they were laying pretty low

it had been nice, something about him made you feel things

a mix of unsettled and like you had to prove yourself as worthy

you needed a drink

hat night you come home, your phone died at the bar and you're a little tipsy

only to find your door broken in

you walk in

was that a wise move? no.

waiting inside, leaning against a doorway, is Donnie

you can smell blood but can;t see it in the half light

the he grabs you

you freeze, his arms are around you and his face is in your hair, gently smelling it

something trickles onto your face and you wipe it away to find it's blood

"If- if you're hurt... J-just let me grab my supplies"

he lets go

you turn on every light you pass, something about being in the dark with him just isn't right

when you come back he's gone

the next time he needs you, you do get a call

he got into a fight with Mikey, bottled straight over the head

you found out because Raph is still laughing about it when you get there

Donnie is seething

when his brothers leave, all of them including Donnie a little drunk, he pushes you against a wall and gets in close

you can feel his breath on your neck

"You know, Mikey hired on of those topless maids last week. Cleaned his car, tits fully out. How much would it cost me for you to take this off" he pings your bra strap

you're so insulted

he was a man of medicine too and he was treating you like you're something who can be bought

as if he reads your mind he says "Everyone has a price"

"I don't know" you try to sound less scared than you are, let the anger shine through "how much does a new set of balls cost? Because if you don't back off you're gonna need them"

he laughs harshly

then his hand is around your throat

"Was that a threat?"

his thumb strokes your cheek

he leans in, his nose pressed against yours "I like a woman with guts but, if you're not very careful, I'll take them out and keep them in a jar"

"Was that a threat?" you retort

"No, I'm flirting with you"

sooner or later, you know he'll have you

Him and his brothers aren't the type to back down from anything

so the next time you treat him, when he pulls you onto his lap, you kiss him, make it your choice to go through with it

[matan4il]

911 ep 705 first watch reactions

Of course 911 would "punish" the "You are the boss of you!" guy with an alien hand that attacks him, and does what it wants. Pooor Buck and Eddie paying the price for that...

Okay, love the storyline with Hen and Karen possibly eventually adopting an older girl. Too many shows just find easy, unrealistic ways to give their same sex couples kids, and I am really glad that 911 shows the reality of it, and that it is a more complex struggle for many, that it's an act of continuously choosing to be parents. That's actually an amazing, difficult thing, and it should be faithfully depicted and respected, for all of its heartache, and the little moments of triumph.

Buck and Tommy on a date, and Eddie comes along with Marisol? Love how Buck's bisexual awakening and coming out continues to involve Eddie so much. Tell me they're end game, even if they're not gonna get together right now, without telling me they're...

I did not need to learn Marisol is moving in with Eddie like this, with any build up, or even any sort of insight into the relationship, and nope, that does not bode well for them. IDK how 911 managed to do it, but they have somehow managed to give Eddie a love interest the show is even less invested in than Ana.

And the funniest bit, is that Marisol and Eddie's big development is only there to further Buck's journey anyway.

"You can never have too much closet space" LMAO the way 911 both made me laugh, and feel sorry for poor, baby bi Buck. XD

Hmmm. Were parts of this scene cut out? We don't get to see Eddie on his own date with Marisol, but constantly looking over at Tommy and Buck? Boo. I'm glad we at least got the BTS photos, then. But seriously, why!? That was gonna be so delicious.

Oh, Tommy's breaking up with Buck. I mean, good for him, and he ain't wrong after Buck's "after this, we're gonna go out looking for chicks" reaction, but man do I feel sorry for Buck. Him and Tommy might not be my end game (Buddie forever will be), but I do think this relationship could be good for our baby bi. Tommy being in the same profession, knowing what it's like to have this gap between who you are and the image of guys in your line of work, plus he's got more experience than Buck, is sure of himself, can help our boy figure himself out, and also Buck obviously does like his vibe. He deserves to be with someone he actually likes, not just the first woman willing to be with him that the plot pushed in his way.

Oh, baby Buck. :( You didn't even tell Maddie about Tommy. You really aren't ready it. But also (and as a Buddie shipper, more importantly), Tommy broke things off with Buck, but what is eating him up, is that he lied to Eddie. XD Yeah, this gonna end with wedding bells, sooner or later. On screen, off screen after the show ends with canon Buddie, or only in my head if 911 never dares make Buddie canon, I don't care. That kind of emotional devotion is not something that my hopelessly romantic heart can ignore.

OMG, this is how Buck comes out to Maddie? XD Via random pronoun mention, and as a by product of trying to figure out how to tell Eddie the truth? This is hilarious. lol It really makes it clear that, after all, the issue for Buck really isn't people knowing he is also dating guys (or checking their asses), even when it's the other closest person in the world for him, it's Eddie. Specifically. Buck's ready, even if he doesn't have the exact clear words yet, he's just not ready to tell Eddie. Can't imagine why. XDDD

What was that awkward post-sex scene with Eddie and Marisol? And the issues with her moving in are popping up a second after she has. But yeah, we have no idea who this woman is as a person, she's been a cardboard cut out so far, and then one of the first things we do learn about her, is that she would call her stuff better than Eddie's? Once again, this is not the stuff great romance is made of. Or... even just the stuff any kind of romance is made of.

Wait, Marisol was a nun, and Eddie didn't even know!? This whole ep is telegraphing in the news of how weird and awkward and underdeveloped this r/s is, not just for us as viewers who know nothing about Marisol, but apparently for Eddie as well.

And of course his Catholic guilt is gonna kick in now. I'd care, except 911 has given me absolutely no reason to. Seriously, I care more about Buck and Tommy after just 2 eps, than Eddie and Marisol, even though this is technically her 2nd season on the show.

Of course Buck went to find Eddie, and spotted him at the gym. Forever 201 vibes, with Eddie being the focus of Buck's attention. ^u^

I couldn't care less about Eddie's Catholic guilt crisis, and how it's actually a projection of what his real issues are with Marisol, but it's nice to see that as always, Buck's the one who can tell when something's off, and offer Eddie exactly what he needs (even when that's to talk to someone else, but Buck figures out immediately who the right person to address is), and then they just very naturally switch, because Eddie can also tell when something's off with Buck, and he wants to tell him something. Soulmates. THAT is the stuff that great romance IS made of.

:/ The imagery of Catholic nuns has not been around for over 2,000 years, please stop being ignorant about your own religion, and the very different way it looked in its early days.

Bobby is forgiven, he does give good advice, and his "her ex, the Lord" bit, which prompted that reaction from Eddie, is hilarious. XD

So... when Eddie is having issues with Marisol, he already knows he has to figure out how he feels about her, but instead of doing so, he goes to his safe place... Buck's loft.

Man, Eddie being into Tommy's choice of avoidning relationships with women, and hanging out with boys, after in the past, Eddie had dealt with his Shannon issues by running away from her, and re-enlisting in the army, where he gets to hang out with boys, when we all (Buck included) know why Tommy's "hanging out with boys"... I do like that if they want to (and hopefully they do), this further lays the groundwork for Eddie's own queer realization.

Buck and Eddie helping each other with their respective romantic problems, without realizing they are each other's respective romantic solution is gonna make me chew on my own fists. Again. But I'm not even a little bit surprised that Eddie was totally fine and accepting of Buck being bi, or that the first thing he thought of is how this reflects on them. Because their friendship IS way deeper and closer than normal for platonic friends, and Eddie's little reassurance is also an admission of that.

Man, for a second I was worried they also cut out Eddie in the loft, once more putting his thumb on Buck's pulse point possessively, in a perfect parallel to 303. I would have sued for emotional damages. But yeah, it says so much that the peak of emotional meaningfulness for Buck when coming out is in relation to Eddie, and that the scene itself peaks with Eddie, instead of finishing rushing out to take care of his own romantic business, hurries back to Buck first, to hug him, place his hand on Buck and give him orders. "Sure, you're gonna be dating this guy, but I'm still your real husband."

Well, at least Eddie amitted to himself and Marisol that he doesn't actually know her. But... I have never seen two people being both being so happy about not moving in together, and I'm supposed to think this r/s has a chance? Okay. Suuuure.

The scene with Buck going to Tommy to set things straight ready for something was lovely, it was nice seeing him excited, and get to choose, and hear he's wanted. But since the note Tommy and Buck's storyline in this ep should have ended on, is Buck showing Tommy he's ready enough to let others know he's dating a guy by inviting Tommy to come with Buck to Madney's wedding, then why is the very next scene playing the romantic switch again, making us think Buck's car just arrived at the wedding with him and Tommy, only for Buck and Eddie to walk in together? I see what you did there, 911.

Thank you for reading! If you're looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[aylish91]

You! You beautiful, creative, amazing person! It's your fault I got back into the fandom and now I'm hyperfocused on Leviathan!Tale, again! (No but seriously your works are amazing and you should be proud of yourself!)

I have a request for Leviathan!Tale, (if you have the time) when did the reader join the shiver? And how? Were they wondering alone? Maybe almost killed off for being different? How did the others react to reader joining? Were they scared and refused to eat unless Nightmare or Dream was near?

Hello beautiful Anon! I deeply apologize for how long this has taken me to get to. I have kept it and hoarded it like a dragon with its precious treasure. It has brought me such great joy every time I reread it.

I have made this for you, dear friend. I hope you are still with us undertale folk, and thank you! May you find answers within these chapters!

For those looking for the new/fresh chapter:

or below

~~~

New awakenings

Ugh.

You did not feel quite right. Your body was heavy and ached like you were coming down from a fever, lungs and throat burning and agitated. Guess it serves you right for going out on such a stormy night. Shrine Rock was sketchy to traverse on the best of nights, what possessed you into thinking you could do it with no moon and turbulent seas?

Uuuugh. You could be extremely reckless sometimes, but at least you were alive. A bit worse for wear, but alive.

Shifting, you contemplated opening your eyes. Despite your condition, you were starving and needed to get up and ready. It would be the last morning in your childhood home on the island and you had to get to the ferry by nine if you were going to make the bus into the city. You could tell by the muted bickering of your neighbors that it was already far past time you should have woken.

Groaning, you rolled to reach for your phone, blanket tangling around your legs uncomfortably. Shifting again, you weren’t expecting your bed to move or something else to wrap around you. Eyes snapping open, a frightened gasp left you breathless.

You weren’t in a bed at all. You weren’t even in your house. Wrapped around you were absolutely massive tentacles boxing and encasing you within their mass. They were a deep black, hints of bioluminescence giving them an iridescent sheen.

Warm.

Alive.

R e a l.

You would have thought you were in some sort of dream if you couldn’t physically feel every panicked movement. It made you roll and squirm, trying to bring your legs up to brace yourself against them. It also made you realize why the blanket had been so uncomfortable.

There was no blanket. And there were no legs…

In place of your legs were a mass of bunched and tangled tentacles, much like the giant ones surrounding you. They were curled up close to your center, winding amongst themselves. Out of reflex, you pushed away from them, only to have them unfurl and chaotically flail around. It was uncanny how you could feel each individual limb as they whipped around.

Then, everything tumbled and moved, the larger tentacles sliding away to open to the outside. There was a drastic drop in temperature as water flowed around you. Your breath hitched. Hunching into yourself, you frantically looked around.

To your horror, an animated skeleton seemed to climb or slide over the top of one of the tentacles, black trailing down from its sockets with a shark’s lower body. The connection of bone and body was seamless from the lower ribs down, some sort of glowing energy in the shape of a target above its bony chest.

You couldn’t move as it spoke.

“Finally! Would ya look at that. You made a little you boss.” It swam closer. “How interesting.”

Another, larger, voice vibrated the water. “Killer—"

To say you had a bit of an overreaction was an understatement. Adrenalin swamped your systems when the creature came forward with an outstretched clawed hand. Crying out, your first reaction was to kick it away. However, without legs to kick, your tentacles were the things that lashed out.

Two smashed into the face of its skull as a third and fourth wrapped around their arm. Startled, the creature jerked backward with a yelp, pulling you further into the open. Your limbs tightened, the rest flailing and grabbing anything they could reach. In the end, you grappled both of its arms and the majority of its torso.

You both made undignified panicked noises as tentacles and fins thrashed about, each of you doing your best to simultaneously free yourself while attempting to maintain some sort of hold on the other. The glowing target pulsing above his sternum continued to glow brighter and more erratic. One of your tentacles almost made contact with it but the creature managed to grab the appendage with a desperate snarl before it could.

“Boss! Nightmare!” A different tentacle found an opening around an upper rib causing a choked gasp. “A little help!!?”

You were so preoccupied unwillingly wrestling that you missed the laughter building around you. It took the rising rumbling chuckle vibrating the water again before you noticed it all.

Why was it so familiar…

Water swirled around you before large dark skeletal hands gently took hold of you, slowly removing your offending appendages from their target. “Calm yourself little fish. Do not fear. You are safe here among my own.”

You stilled, eyes wide.

The great Guardian Nightmare, thought to have been nothing more than a dream, held you in his hand, his fabled servants hovering not too far past the edges of his great limbs.

His shiver of loyal sharks.

Skeletal Mer sharks…

All the stories and warnings your grandmother had ever told you swarmed your mind. Everything simultaneously made sense and didn’t. You had heard many stories of the guardians saving wayward travelers and those loyal to them. But you were regular old you.

Had you really been judged and chosen?

…

Your thoughts were interrupted by a skeletal mer with shimmering golden fins and eyelights appearing over Nightmare’s shoulder, their subtle glow stunning you into stillness.

Their voice was as soft and smooth as you had once imagined…

“We’re glad you are finally awake. We were beginning to worry.” Gliding closer, he smiled, just close enough to be friendly. “I’m Dream. It is lovely to finally meet face to face. Nightmare was quite quick to hide you away.” His eyelights brightened with a sly look back. “My brother seemed to think you were quite agreeable.”

The giant hand you were in pulled away, another coming to shield you from view. “Brother. Perhaps you could be more useful and take the others to fetch some nourishment. Their sleep has been unexpectedly long.”

Circling your living barrier, Dream chuckled, playfully twirling his body as he went. “Of course. This is quite the occasion. If I must, I will keep the others busy while you get them comfortable.” Flicking his tail, he slipped past the shiver to call over his shoulder. “Come along then. We wouldn’t want anyone else spooking them and ending up like Killer.”

The circling mer erupted in laughter once again, the mer from before giving an indignant squawk as he darted after the mischievous guardian. It wasn’t long before the sound of their teasing banter faded into the distance.

The tension in your shoulders and… limbs eased, your fears fading away. Settling into the palm, you idly wrapped around the large bony fingers as you processed. Despite how far down you seemed to be, the world seemed clear and bright. Sunken ships of various ages littered the open expanse around you, your host casually sprawled atop an old wooden vessel elevated atop a rocky platform.

You knew beyond shrine rock was referred to as the depths, but still. How had something like this never been discovered? None of this felt real. You didn’t feel real, but the subtle twitch of tentacles and the feel of the cool water around you kept you grounded.

Your Grandmother’s stories didn’t do any of this justice.

You took a breath and looked up when you felt everything shift, Nightmare’s low calming voice bringing you back to him. “You must be full of questions. It is not very often a mortal finds themselves within our realm.”

You did have a lot of questions, but they all swirled and meshed together until they stuck in your throat. What was appropriate to ask? How should you address such a being? What did he expect of you?

Looking into the dark skeleton’s singular eyelight, A sense of calm overtook you. You had already talked with him before. There was no need to be so afraid. No questions had been wrong and there was no proper way to speak with him. Simply being yourself had been enough.

He had been so curious, kind, and alluring…

Regaining your courage, you attempted your voice. It cracked and burned, but you managed. “I had thought all of this was a dream, but… If this is true, I offered you my… Shouldn’t I be…”

He hummed, socket lidding. “Dead? Indeed. But I did warn you. When you offered me your soul, I took it for myself. You live, because I breathed life back into it.”

You could feel the sting around your eyes. “Why?”

“You intrigue me. It is rare to find someone such as yourself and you had already proved your loyalty. Sometimes, for a being like me, that is all that is needed.”

You mulled that over as you fought your emotions. “You are a Guardian. A king of the deep abyss. You chose to save me, grant me one of your gifts, because I was Interesting?”

That same deep chuckle vibrated the water, his body moving to lean against the mast. “In a way, little fish, yes.” He paused, grin turning solemn. “As I said that night beneath my raging storms. I am a greedy and selfish creature. I found you upon that rock, worshiping a being you had never seen and who had been silent for a great many years. You were not angry or pleading when you witnessed my approach. You did not beg or demand anything of me. We spoke cordially, as if we were equals. And when I then offered you my most coveted of gifts, you instead offered me that which was most sacred of yourself.” Tilting his head, he delicately ran a clawed bony finger under and along a few of your tentacles. “For that, you have earned my favor. Whether from my own greed or your appealing nature, it matters not. I have already claimed you as my own.”

Just like the night you died, you found yourself in utter awe of him, a warmth spreading through your chest from his admission. You couldn’t help redirecting away from yourself and your bubbling mix of feelings.

With a shaky chuckle of your own, you playfully looked up. “You might regret this later, you know. Look at me, I don’t even know how to tentacle properly.” As if by fate, one immediately jerked back to smack you in the face, making you grunt and quickly shove it back down.

The Guardian, much to your embarrassment, did a good job holding back a laugh, only letting out a quick rush of air… water?... before hiding behind an amused smile. “You will learn in time. You are still young and new. A pup does not learn everything in a single day.” He turned his head. “Isn’t that right, Cross?”

Your entire body twitched when you followed his gaze. A skeletal shark mer with one red and one white eyelight hovered a little away from the mass of Nightmare’s tentacles. The thing that struck you the most, however, was the jacket and belts he wore despite being underwater. The jacket was black and white with a fine amount of floof around the edges while two belts criss-crossed on what would have been his waist. The next thing that got your attention was his tail. Purplish in hue, it darkened around the tips of his fins and reminded you of a thresher shark’s tail. It especially gave you that impression when compared to the first mer, Killer’s, mako-esk body. When he looked up in greeting, there was a small scar beneath his right socket.

He looked uncomfortable, sending subtle glances your way as he fidgeted with something in his hands. “Um, yeah...” There was an awkward silence until he coughed. “I uh… Dream sent me back with something light while he helps the others. They went topside closer to the reef.” He held out a small mesh bag with what looked to be two crabs moving about inside.

Nightmare sighed. “I see. Let us take it elsewhere then.”

You had to brace yourself when everything around you began to move. Bringing you near his chest, Nightmare slipped down from the ship towards the bottom of the rockface. Once there, he ever so gently extracted you from his palm and fingers to set you down amongst a soft pile of seaweed and sand. Backing away, you watched in awe as he maneuvered the bottom half of his body into the curved opening of a cave. Even though it wasn’t very deep, it was enough to get his tentacles snugly within. It allowed for a better position next to your resting place more at your level. While you watched, Cross hesitantly swam down to join you, staying closer to Nightmare’s elbows a safe distance away. He didn’t relax until the Guardian had settled.

Loose sand clouded the water where the leviathan lay. “There. Now, if you would Cross.”

The mer scrunched into his jacket, looking anywhere but at you. “Yes sir.” Ever so carefully, he swam close enough to hand you the bag. “It’s not much considering, but they still taste good.”

…

Yep. Live crabs. You now had a big bag of crabs, and it wasn’t even market day. You suppose you were going to have to put them in your mouth.

Heh… Focus.

You had never eaten a crab raw before and they were still moving. Would the meat come out the same if it wasn’t cooked? Were you still susceptible to seafood poisoning now that you weren’t technically human? You were starting to get nervous.

Just staring…

Cross didn’t know what to do with that, becoming visibly more distressed. “I mean, I could go get urchins or oysters or something?”

You felt just as awkward. “No, no. This is fine. I mean, the other two things sound wonderful too, but I can just… Uh… I’ve never eaten it raw before? And they are still alive so… Um…”

You were floundering.

Nightmare chuckled when understanding dawned on Cross’ face. “Oh. Yeah. I forget humans like to cook their food.” Your tentacles curled when he came forward again, this time getting close enough to reach inside the bag. “They should be fine to eat. None of us have any problems. Here.”

Taking one of the crabs, he turned it over before jabbing the underbelly down the center with a crack. With it now limp, he grabbed all the legs on one side, pulling the entire chunk away from its body to hand to you. You tried not to grimace.

You had seen the fisherman at the docks and market do something similar (although either with a sharp knife, pick, or bang) so you weren’t surprised. But it was still raw, and he made killing it with his fingers seem so easy.

Cross was watching with such hopeful attentiveness now though. Quietly thanking him, you gave him a gentle, yet uneasy, smile and did your best to separate meat from the base portion connecting the legs. Using your newfound sharpened nails, you were able to get some just fine, and the smell was actually quite nice.

You still hesitated.

“Go on, little fish. You need it. Others before you have questioned. They too found their way. You will find your taste in food has changed alongside you.”

You couldn’t really argue with that. He was an ancient being after all who had undoubtedly gone through this with countless others. You wondered if Cross was one of them.

Nodding, you took a breath and made the plunge. It was startling how different it tasted compared to when it was cooked. Or when you had been human? It was good! Better than plain, although, you wished you were able to dip it in butter. Your stomach was at least ready to accept more if nothing else. The single taste was not enough.

You were suddenly aware of just how empty your stomach was, quickly digging, mashing, and pulling more from your meal. Cross graciously passed over the other half during your ravenous display, taking the time to prepare the second crab for you as you ate. You were so focused on eating at the time, you almost didn’t catch the dopey grin spread across his face as he watched. Nightmare grinned down from the palm of his hand. Your mind was too overcome by the frenzy to care.

They were kind enough not to mention it.

By the time you had finished, your stomach thanked you. However, you were far from satiated and your body still ached.

You sighed.

Tidying up your mess for Cross, you quietly thanked him when he took it and swam off to dispose of it. Nightmare looked on, eyelight sharp and focused.

Feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable, you sank into yourself and took a tentacle in your hands. If you focused on it instead, perhaps you wouldn’t feel so much. There were a few things you were curious enough to ask about too…

“You are in pain.” One of Nightmare's bony fingers startled you as it brushed against your limbs. Unconsciously, you willed one of them to wrap around it for comfort.

You had to look away. Cross was in the distance heading upward and towards something.

“Y/N.”

Something in you shivered at your name, but you never got the chance to answer him. A shout along with other voices announced the return of the others, Killer making a particularly quick approach. Circling the patch of seaweed, he smirked at your flinch.

“Wooow. Movin pretty quick Boss. Only the first day and ya already got em—”

You didn’t know tentacles could move that fast. One moment Killer was circling above, the next he was wrapped up tight enough to clamp his jaw shut. Nightmare was no longer as relaxed, spilling out of the cave enough to effectively sit among his agitated limbs, a couple looping around your little area.

“That is enough teasing for the day. Behave yourself. I am hardly in the mood.”

Killer didn’t seem affected by his predicament in the slightest, nodding with a muffled reply. As soon as he was released, he let himself sink to the ground with a wink. Dream, Cross, along with two others soon joined him with their spoils.

You ignored the pain and the suspicious eye of Nightmare in favor of looking over your new companions. Everything was strange and new. Only time could tell what was ahead of you.

You only hoped you were worthy of it.

Grand Master Post Leviathan Au

[ethereal-blossom]

izaya, dazai, and mori reacting to their s/o experiencing a major burnout to the point where they needed extensive medical attention due to their overall health plummeting due stress and fatigue. this is me rn ;-; im so overworked yet so underpaid lmfao thank you so much in advance! 💗

A/N: Hi, thank you so much for the long wait! I hope your situation has become better :( give my dear their rest and money🔪 I'm sorry Mori's part is a bit short compared to the others, but I hope you like it💖

Izaya:

Izaya loves all humans equally, but you're the exception as his favorite one and Shizuo being his least favorite.

With Izaya's special interest in human beings and his well-crafted observation skills, it didn't go unnoticed by him how you were becoming more tired and less happy step by step. The part of him that loved to observe humans was fascinated and wondered how far you could be pushed, but then again- you are his favorite.

Izaya only realizes you need extensive medical treatment after he returns from an underground job. If you haven't moved in with him already, Izaya will throw all his charm (or manipulation skills, really, who cares about the details?) into convincing you to stay at his place. Being an information broker and professional chaos lover has provided Izaya with enough money to spoil you rotten.

The question is whether he'll let you go back to work. And if you manage to convince him to let you go back to work, he's going to do a full background check on the company and its people.

Izaya has a hard time admitting this to you, himself, or anyone really, but seeing you become this fragile scared him. It's a feeling he immediately tries to shove away, but it only leads to him being more protective of you.

During your assigned recovery, you'll catch Izaya chuckling to himself. There are just so many fun possibilities to ruin your boss' life! Should he destroy it brick by brick? Or should he wreck it in one go? Whatever it is, it'll be cruel and twisted and fun. Your boss didn't think they could get away with treating his favorite little human like this, hm?

One thing is for certain: no matter how Izaya is going to destroy your boss' life, it'll be done through cyber damage. Izaya would rather not leave your side. He has been very cheery and confident around you, never giving you a sign of the fear he felt when he saw you turn into a burned-out version of yourself. But he has you tucked in bed and you just have to say it and he gives you anything you want. Izaya has Namie assist him in taking care of you, too.

Izaya does drop hints here and there about how he's going to be responsible for your boss' life taking a bad turn. If you try to confront him about this or prevent him from doing so, Izaya is going to ask you for a good explanation as to why not. It may even lead to a discussion, however, no reason will leave him satisfied. You've already gotten hurt, so the damage is already done and there's nothing the boss can do to make up for it except pay for it with his sins. Izaya can say he'll let it go, but you know he won't. If anything, he's more excited to start. Nobody messes with his favorite human except him.

Dazai:

Dazai puts great value in the one he gained but would never want to lose. It's one of the reasons he pays so much attention to you; he knows things about your behavior that even you are unaware of.

That's why Dazai is the first to observe how you're slowly burning out. He encourages you to copy his work ethic (lying on a couch and letting your partner do all the work), but he never convinces you no matter how much he tries to tug at your strings.

But when Dazai comes home from a mission he had to travel for and sees you so burned out to the point of needing extensive medical care, he was livid and scared. From the inside, that is. From the outside, he'd be calm and reassuring, even cheery once you feel better.

Dazai would insist that he stays home with you to become your personal nurse. He would cling onto you whenever you want to leave the bed, claiming you were on bed rest, which automatically meant he was on bed rest, too.

He'd take care of you in his own silly way. He makes you laugh, distracts you from the tiredness, buys you the biggest teddy bear you've seen in your life, and prevents you from doing anything.

Nonetheless, there's going to be a time you need to get back to work. Once you do, you notice something strange about your boss. It's like they are a whole new person. They offer you tea or coffee the minute you step in, push out a nervous chuckle that's supposed to sound friendly, and say you can take a break whenever you feel like you need one. It wouldn't take long for you to realize there was something off... and you could tell who was behind it.

When confronting Dazai though, expect him to be packed in denial. "Me?" He answers with doe eyes that scream innocence and surprise, which means he was definitely not innocent nor surprised. "Do I look like someone who would threaten your boss? I was taking care of you all that time!" Yes Dazai, you look like that type of person. But the latter was true since you cannot point out a moment he must have had a talk with your boss. Dazai had taken his role as your personal nurse very seriously to the point he rarely had been out of your sight.

Dazai knows you'd have to let it go eventually because you have no evidence against him. Even if you did find the courage to ask your boss if your boyfriend had talked to him, the boss wouldn't slip up. The only evidence you have is the fear in your boss' eyes when mentioning your boyfriend and the sly but satisfied smile you caught on Dazai's face when he knew he got away with it.

Mori:

Being the boss of the port mafia is a time-consuming job, especially when you're almost at war with another underground organization. It's why Mori, who is always eager to spoil you rotten, wasn't there to see how work was affecting you for the worst.

Mori made sure the upcoming threat was nothing more but forgotten dust, and one look at you after he came back made him want to do the same to your boss. You could see it in his expression, how it changed from excitement to surprise to deadly and back to soft but cheery in the span of a few seconds.

Absolutely takes this opportunity as an excuse to spoil you rotten more than he already does. After all, who can take better care of you than himself, the doctor who loves you the most?

The doctor in him comes out; checking your vitals, making sure you eat and drink, assigning you time to rest but also to go out and make a little walk with him. And oh, look what a cute thing he bought for you the other day! Yeah, it wouldn't be Mori if he didn't take this opportunity to buy new clothes for you and to doll you up as much as you let him.

Mori will offer to bring harm to your boss as if it's a sweet declaration of love. Whatever your answer, he makes sure your boss learns their lesson.

[mastercrownmonday]

Without further ado (Kirby reference?!): new Mistilteinn pfp!!! Magolor Soul banner is still on the way.

If you don't remember (and I wouldn't blame you), the subject of this pfp was decided in March with a poll. I haven't really commented on the results yet—so if you want to see my thoughts and ALSO discover the lore behind my love for the Master Crown, read on, because it has a whole lot to do with this titanic and terrible tree!!!

Here are the results for your reference. There were 48 votes:

I guess I was slightly? ish? surprised Mistilteinn won; I had my not-so-strong bets on Magolor Soul, which came in second. But hey! The ranking was a nice surprise, because clearly the BEST Master Crown is the Master Crown, pure and simple—without some... begrudgingly hijacked, weak-willed catboy wizard in the mix.

I didn't vote officially, but I did ask myself the question: which Master Crown is best!? And I think, if I had voted... I might have gone with the tiny, classic version. (I guess that's why I had to sneak it into the pfp anyway.) I mean, it's so cute! I am sure it would never become a literal accessory to any sort of evil!

If I remember correctly, @katlynthecat bravely arrived on the last day of voting to represent the OG MC. I was happy it got at least one vote, so special thanks to you :)

I was also pleasantly surprised that every form got a vote. Even the cutscene-exclusive Crown shards (which is actually a really cool form imo. it's ominous: inexplicably moving and spitting out a magic aura but showing no other signs of life. spooky)!

With all that in mind, I still don't know if I could pick any one of the Crown's forms as the true overlord. The tree has the most historical significance, though, because the Kirby buzz that RTDLDX caused is what got me seriously invested in the series again (I've been a longtime fan off and on).

Clearly, I was a weakling in terms of Kirby extended lore expertise, because at that point I knew nothing about RTDL and I had never heard of this Magolor character. He seemed popular though. Wonder what his deal is.

...OH! So that's why everyone jokes about the fandom having trust issues from multiple adorable offenders. (I did already know all about Marx. Gotta love that guy.)

Hey... wait a minute. Is the boss of Magolor's game mode... the very artifact that consumed his soul? That's pretty metal. I guess it's sapient? A living little conglomerate of hatred, back after over a decade to torment the fandom darling? Though it would earn no thanks... no acknowledgement... it crafted a perfect, Bible-referencing hellscape for Magolor's torment, returning long after time had forgotten its days as the big bad to prove to theorists once and for all that it was alive, it was autonomous, and it was angry!?

...I had to respect that. I respected that a lot, actually. I liked Magolor but I liked the Crown even more. (That renewed passion for the Kirby series is actually what brought me here to Tumblr!)

For a little comparison, here are some of my first drawings of the Master Crown (circa June last year?) compared to this most recent one:

In the left image, you can actually see the first inklings of Master Crown Soul! 😳 It didn't take me long to start cooking up some ideas to flesh out its backstory, and I think the design and themes have come a long way since then. (some of which anyone interested will eventually get to experience in all their glory via my fic. prommies)

In summary: thanks for growing on me, Mistilteinn, and congratulations! It's a great day to be a tree-hugger :)

[delta-pavonis]

'allo! may i have a bit of Friend Like Me? ;)

Absolutely! I have posted some of this before, but once again Tumblr's search function is failing me and apparently I can't organize my own tags for shit so... This is Matthew + Hob used to be partners in crime (literally) and Hob may or may not have started the crew from Leverage. 😂

100% G-rated fluff over here.

Hob has to do this every few decades otherwise he would be up to his eyeballs in storage units. It isn't fun, but neither is having too many moving parts to keep track of and potentially getting caught by another asshat with a hard-on for immortality. 

What was that quote he had read? "No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style." 

Not to mention the myriad other enemies he had accumulated via his network of grifters, hitters, and hackers. 

(What? The current state of technological advancements meant that Hob needed to get better at tracking and erasing his digital presence back in the late nineties. Was it his fault that while he was living in the States he had accidentally amassed a highly skilled group of "criminals" who were all connected to him like spokes to the hub on a carriage wheel? And that it turned out that they were, as a team, really great at liberating funds and removing items from billionaire idiots who didn't need a fraction of their accumulated wealth and power? That they did it so well that Hob had to fake his own death earlier than expected to get out from under a particularly angry arms dealer? Was that really all because of him?)

(Yes. Yes it was.)

Yeah, anyway, Hob didn't leave the house without at least one blade on his person anymore. 

This is why, when Hob is interrupted by a large black mass swerving into his storage unit through the crack in the door that should be far too small to admit such a creature, he pulls the nearest throwing knife (he was crouching, so he went for the one concealed in a sheath on the outside ankle of his black leather chelseas), clocks the intruder's movement in his peripheral vision, and wings it directly at them. It hits the wall with a satisfying kthud, which is promptly followed by a very avian squawking.

"FUCKING CAWCHRIST MY DUDE WAS THAT A KNIFE!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, THE IDES OF FUCKING MARCH?!"

That voice! Hob's head snaps up to see a sizable black bird falling in a tumble. It hits the concrete floor with a sound not unlike a briefcase hitting pavement from a story up (what? It is a very distinctive sound), leaving three large feathers tacked into the wall by the knife.

"Fuck me sideways that HURTS. Note to self, birds no likey losing butt feathers." The bird (A raven? Like this is the bloody Tower of London?) walks out from around a cardboard box with a bit of a waddle in its step, trying to look back at his tail while he moves. "I guess the Boss didn't tell you I was coming then?"

Hob sits back on his heels. That voice is still hauntingly familiar. But he would damned well remember meeting a talking bird. "Well, perhaps if you told me who your Boss is..."

The raven leaps a solid four feet into the air with a screech. He lands on top of a small writing desk, scrabbles against the smooth surface to balance himself, and then looks down at Hob with one glass-black eye. "I can't believe... no fucking way... Robbie? Is that you? Didn't you die in 2017?"

"Mattie?!" Hob's ass hits the cool floor as he is blown back by the revelation. "Didn't you die in 2020?"

Matthew Cable had been one of Hob's favorite grifters. Not because he was absolutely perfect at his job (oh no, Mattie had fucked up spectacularly more times then Hob’s blood pressure wants to recall), but because they had quickly become "let's get absolutely toasted and MST3K bad horror movies while we bitch about our love lives" buddies. Hob had missed Mattie immediately upon his own faked death and had mourned when he heard, through various channels he still kept an ear to, that Mattie had died in his sleep not too long ago.

"Yeah, but when I died I was given, like, a choice? Apparently the King of Dreams needed a new Raven and I decided to give it a go. Sounded much more interesting to work for him than actual death. There must be some mistake because I was sent here with a message for Hhh..." Mattie freezes.

"Dream sent you?" Hob tilts his head in interest. This was the Matthew he had often mentioned? A raven that carried his messages? Hob had been jealous over a bird?! (Oh Christ, how embarrassing.)

"Wait... what the fuck are you doing in Hob GaaaaAAHHHH!" Mattie the Raven starts hopping around frantically. "YOU ARE NOT JUST IN HOB GADLING'S STORAGE UNIT. YOU ARE HOB GADLING! FRIEND OF THE LORD MORPHEUS, KING OF DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES!"

Hob can't help his laughter. "Oh, he told you I was his friend, did he?" That Dream had called him friend to someone else shouldn't feel as good as it did. Hob tamps that useless bit of emotion down hard. (No good can come of that, better to put it away.) "Only took him six centuries to get there, stubborn wanker that he is." He fails to keep the fondness from his voice. 

"Christ you have no idea how much of a wanker sometimes..." Mattie shuffles his feathers. "Look, I gotta know the story here, man. How did you meet the King of Dreams?"

Hob stands, brushing off his jeans. "That... is a rather long story." He considers for a minute, barely that, rubbing at the back of his neck, before coming to a decision. "Look, it isn't like I get my close friends back from the dead every day... how about we head back to my flat, pull up something ridiculous like Slenderman, and I will fill you in on my story? Like old times?"

Mattie flaps over and lands on Hob's shoulder. "Hells to the yes. Especially if we can find out if ravens respond to THC. Shit, you ever get more of that Amnesia shit the team picked up in Amsterdam during that art heist job?"

Hob's belly laugh echoes in the small room. "I think I still have some squirreled away from my last trip to the continent." 

He locks the storage unit behind them. All the spring cleaning can happen another day. 

___________________________________

They did not, upon making it back to Hob’s flat above The New Inn, actually end up watching their intended horror movie. Instead, as they were flipping through options, they stumbled upon the live-action remake of Aladdin and Mattie had been so damned adamant that he wanted to see it while high that Hob had allowed the deviation from their established pattern. 

“That bird is a fucking useless sidekick. I will show you how to do it!” Matthew stands, wobbles, and falls off where he had been balanced on the arm of Hob’s couch.

Hob cackles, slouching back into the cushions. “Well, that’s your answer to the question about birds and THC, innit?” 

Matthew flapped his way up onto the space next to Hob. “Hey, I am still getting used to this stupid body without any fucking thumbs.” 

“Fair enough.” He shrugs, sinking even further back and letting the movie drift into the background, a gentle blanket of familiar songs. “So I can feel you trying to not ask questions. Ask away, Mattie. I owe you that much, at least.”

“Fucking right you do, faking your death like that caw.” The raven shakes his head. “Where even to start… Oh! I got it! When and how did you meet the King of Dreams and Nightmares? That must have been a trip and a half.”

The memory makes Hob even warmer and he feels himself grinning as he looks at the ceiling. “I was drinking with my pals at a tavern, the White Horse, in the year of our lord thirteen hundred and eighty nine…”

“Wait. The fuck? You are…” Mattie clearly stops to count for a blink, “almost seven hundred years old?”

“That I am, now let me finish… I rather loudly proclaimed that I had decided not to die. Just wasn’t going to fucking do it. And that was when he approached the table,” Hob closes his eyes, the swooping feeling of seeing Dream for the first time still razor sharp in his memory. Should he tell Mattie? Well, he had never been dishonest with the man before, no reason to start now. So Hob let all his emotional walls down. “And I swear to God, Mattie, it was like seeing a meteor shower for the first time. It was like discovering a second moon. I was absolutely dumbstruck by the beauty of this cocky young Lordling, all standing before me like he owned half the country. Looked it too, with that giant fucking ruby around his neck and his fine clothing.” Hob shakes his head, grin widening. “He offered me a deal. If I wanted unending life, then I could come back to that tavern on the same day at the same time one hundred years hence and tell him of my experiences of life so long-lasting. And here I am.” When Mattie doesn't immediately respond, Hob opens his eyes and turns his head. “What?”

The raven was studying him intently. When he spoke it was carefully metered and very much not in jest. “Robbie. I might be a bird now, but I would know that expression on your face anywhere. Do you… Are you…”

He didn’t need to put words to it, Hob knew exactly what his friend meant. He shrugged. “Aye, I probably am. But you have to understand, Mattie, he has been the only constant in my whole long life. Hundreds of relationships. Thousands of friendships. Centuries of life. And he was my only anchor.” Hob lets himself drift on that thought for a moment before coming back. “Did you know that I didn’t know his name until a few months ago when he showed up at the New Inn?”

“What?! What kind of asshole doesn’t give his – oh, wait, this is Dream I am talking about, isn’t it…”

Hob laughs. “You are very correct. Dream’s stubbornness is only surpassed by his beauty.”

“Wow. You’ve got it bad.”

“Most likely.” Hob inclines his head. “But I am happy with whatever type of relationship he is capable of with me."

The raven whistles. "Got it baaaad."

____________________________

And so it happens that Hob and Mattie are stonedly bickering over if Will Smith’s portrayal of the Genie was a good homage or a bad mockery (all while A Whole New World starts up in the background) when the King of Dreams and Nightmares steps out of nothingness and into Hob’s living room.

“Matthew! You were told to deliver a message, not spend an entire day-”

Hob cuts Dream off with an overdramatic, “OoooOOOOoooh, Mattie, you are in trooooouble.” Dream’s stern face snaps to Hob’s and he slaps a hand over his mouth while he giggles none-too-loudly, “OooooOOOh, now I am in trooooouble.”

That makes Mattie burst into giggles and let it be known that the giggle of a raven is not actually a pleasant sound to take in.

So it makes Hob laugh harder.

Then he sees Dream’s absolutely bewildered expression.

And that makes Hob laugh even harder.

Sobbing as he laughs, collapsed to the floor (having initially fallen clear off the couch in surprise at Dream’s entrance), clutching his belly, Hob can’t even bring himself to worry that Dream might actually be angry with him. Fuck, Hob just got Mattie back. This is fucking great.

Hob wipes at his face as his hysterics subside, trying to keep his voice steady as he addresses Dream from his place on the floor. “I’m sorry, m’love, I didn’t mean to patronize you, I just-” He cuts himself off when he sees, for the first time, a petal-pink blush color his Stranger’s cheeks.

“You called him your love!” Mattie cackles. Hob feels himself blush now, too. That was a slip. That shouldn’t have happened. (Ah, bollocks.) “You are so in for it now. The Boss hates pet names! Once I tried to call him Lord Mew-mew because he was acting like a wet fucking cat and-”

“Enough.” Dream waves his hand to his Raven and the bird is immediately silenced. “Matthew, leave us. I am not asking.”

“Aww, maannn.” Mattie shakes himself off and seems to become shockingly sober with just a ruffle of feathers. “Roger that, Boss. See you back at home.” Then he nods to Hob. “We should do this again sometime.” 

Before Hob can respond Mattie has taken wing and flown out a window that definitely was not open a moment ago. When he looks back up it is to have Dream’s hand in front of his face, gently offering to help him stand. Hob takes it, if only for the excuse to touch his Stranger’s skin for the first time. (His touch is cool, his fingers long and uncalloused, his skin smooth. Hob memorizes every sensation greedily.)

Dream seems to realize this once Hob is on his feet because the blush deepens slightly and he retracts his hand with a jerky motion. 

“I am sorry if I offended you, Dream.” Hob takes a step to the side and tries to catch his friend’s eye. Dream keeps purposefully looking away. “It is just a silly human endearment. I am rather high on some excellent weed and I didn’t mean-”

“Ah.” Dream interrupts and Hob’s jaw clicks shut. Dream is still not looking at him and so Hob can see the way the muscles in his jaw flex with tension. “Just a silly endearment. You did not mean it.” 

Something fiery swoops inside Hob. Dream has never acted like this. Never avoided Hob’s eyes. Never interrupted him. And all because Hob had accidentally called him love.

See, thing is, Hob does mean it. More than he has words for. But never did he think… Dream couldn’t possibly. Fuck. Hob is too high to think clearly about this.

Hob steps into Dream’s line of sight, forces the slightly taller anthropomorphic personification to meet his eyes. Why it comes out a whisper when Hob speaks he will never know. “Dream. Do you want me to mean it? Do you want me to call you,” he hesitates for a moment because this could ruin everything. (But look at him! Look at the hurt in his expression, the tension in his shoulders. He does not hide it well, now that Hob knows what to look for - thanks, Sophie.) “my love?”

It is answer enough to see Dream’s pupils dilate and his nostrils flare. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. 

He is shaking when he goes to take Dream’s hand, brings it up to press a kiss to those beautiful fingers. “If I am reading this wrong then please please let’s just chalk it up to the THC and pretend this never happened. But…” Hob takes the last step in and now they are almost chest-to-chest, “I thought you would have figured it out after 1689… you are my guiding star. It is you who I wait decades for. You who I hope to impress with my experiences. You who I have yearned to touch with every fiber of my being for literal centuries.” Dream is blinking wide eyes at him now, confusion and surprise and hope all written there. “And if your friendship is all I can have, then so be it. But, Dream. If I had three wishes I would spend them all just to be able to call you love.”