#like. if I fuck something up you're gonna be the one to call me on it over anyone else
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mattsjuul · 2 days ago
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GRAVITY. chris sturniolo
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༣ summary: chris is on tour and misses his girlfriend .ᐟ ♡
༣ pairing: clingy!reader & tour!chris
༣ warnings: suggestive, just a cute lil oneshot tbh, pet names ( i think only one tho ), long distance ???? idk
༣ authors note ♡: ok i rlly didnt know what to do for this tbh i js wanted to write for chris lol!!!! this MIIIGHT get a pt 2 tho. so twoshot!
you stand in your kitchen, your mind constantly filled with thoughts of your boyfriend while he's off on tour. is he sleeping? maybe he's eating something. i hope he's enjoying it. is he gonna call me? isnt he in new york? thats three hours ahead. three whole hours. so if its six pm here then its... seven... eight.. nine. nine pm there? so is he asleep? i dont know if tour's got him sleepy. gosh. can he call me? i bet he looks so good right now. fuck. then your thoughts are interrupted by a very specific text tone. it's chris! "Hey" "R u busy imy" you read, causing you to almost start jumping for joy in front of your open fridge. although you do a little squeal instead. "definitely not" "call me im begging" you reply. "I like that" he replies, making you giggle to yourself. seconds later, your screen lights up with a picture of chris with a big smile holding your dear friend, madison, 's cat.
"well hellloooo" you answer with a smile far too big. "hey sexy" he smiles back just as much. "i've been waiting for this call" you admit. "yeah? you been thinking about me?" he asks in a cocky tone. but it was lowkey doing things to you. well. highkey. "you'd like that wouldnt you?" you ask. "yeah." he proudly says. "i was actually about to rub one out since im alone. show me your tits" he jokes. "don't tempt me" you giggle. "i mean.. you're free to do whatever you want. you're an adult with free will in your own home" he babbles on. you take a deep breath, honestly debating it. why not? he's seen them pleennttyy of times. more so, touched them plenty of times.
"ya' know." he interrupts your debating. "i've had lots of time to think. especially to think about you. and ya' know, we're never really apart for longer then a week. and it's made me realize that you really hold me down. i feel like i need at least one night with you every week to function. not like night.. i mean one sleep. i feel like it's made me sleep not so well. is that crazy? i'm not making sense. but then also, it'll be like 10 am here and i'll argue with nick or matt and i cant run to you. you'd be asleep and i dont want you to be upset the moment you wake up. i hate this seperation. i hate making you wait.. like what if you stop liking me before i get back. fuck. you're not hanging out with that actor guy you like, right?" he goes ooonnn n on. well boobs wouldnt be too appropriate right now. "okay.. no" you reply for starters. "and i dont think it's crazy. i get it. but you're veeeryyy cute for thinking all this. i love you chris. i miss you so much." i say. "i love you. can i see your boobs?" he asks, a giggle escaping your lips at his very stupid words.
yet you lift your top up, getting a shocked look from chris. "oh.. i like those.. a lot." he says, a big smile on your face as you shake 'em a little. "just.. stay there for a second" he says, seeing him moving around, clearly pulling his sweats down. "join me, yeah?"
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a/n: ohhhhh em geeee.... idk if i like this tbh lol. but lmk if u want a part two w phone sex hehe. im sorry its so so short sad face.. i actually rlly liked writing this tho idk. yaaay hope u like :') ♡ lmk if there r any mistakes pls i didnt proof read!!!!!! (im in class..) 🐻‍❄️
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farfaras · 2 days ago
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I think I got an ex but I forgot him.
Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Ao3 link.
-
“Do you really think this is necessary?” Asked Jonathan. “I mean, in what context would we even do this?”
‘This’ being kissing.
Steve rolled his eyes. “I'm a PDA fanatic, Jon. And most people in the party know this. They saw me with Nancy.”
Jon seemed to be debating this. “That's… a point.”
“What's wrong with kissing me? Kissing is not that big of a deal. It's good with anyone.” Steve sighed, he didn't understand why this was an argument.
“Okay,” Jon put his hands up. “Say we kiss and it's normal and not weird, even when we used to not like each other not long ago.” Steve motioned for him to continue. “I say we establish a limit of kisses per day.” That sounds fair.
“How many?” Steve asked.
“How about, say four?” Jonathan proposed.
Steve raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
“Like four times? Or just four kisses? Be specific here.” Steve needed confirmation, and he was hoping it was times, because who counts kisses?
“Four times. Sure, Steve. Whatever.” Jon managed to read his mind somehow.
“Okay then, kiss me.” Steve said.
“Now?” He seemed hesitant.
“That's the whole reason I came over today, we were gonna practice our displays of affection.” Steve explained. He called Jonathan in the morning. Talked about how his hand holding during the coming out was great and those cheek kisses were cute and all, but they needed a bigger repertoire.
“Just thought we were gonna start smaller.” Jon muttered, kinda sassy like a kid uttering something under his breath so his mom doesn't hear.
Steve laughed. “Like what?”
“I don't know.” Jon was lost in thought for a moment. “Oh!” He snapped his fingers. “We do movie nights sometimes.”
“Okay. What does that have to do with anything?” Steve asked. People really needed to learn to explain themselves better.
“We can practice how we'd act there. You know, during the movie. How would we sit?” Jon finally explained his line of reasoning.
“Huh.” They could do that. “Ideas?”
“Well, we could do a simple arms around the shoulder.” Jon said.
“Boring!” Steve sing-songed. “That's not me at all. Doesn't even feel like something I would do.”
“It seems exactly like something I would do though.” Jonathan said. “What would you do then?”
“Making out, kissing necks, I don't know!”
Jon's eyes widened. “While other people are there? No, you wouldn't.”
“While they're sitting on my lap even.” Steve wiggled his eyebrows.
“Huh, maybe that's it.”
Steve’s face was back to confusion. “What?”
“The middle ground.” Jon continued. Steve just gave him his best please explain what you're saying eyes. “An arm around shoulders is too boring for you, and making out seems too much for me. So maybe being on someone's lap is the compromise.”
“Without making out.” Steve just wanted to confirm he was understanding.
Jon gave him a flat and unimpressed stare. “Yes, Steve. Without making out.”
“Okay, I knew you were smart, Byers.”
“I thought it was,” Jon was using air quotes now, “‘that's babe to you.’”
Steve lowered his voice. “I can call you babe” he also fucking winked.
“Save it for the show.”
Steve got up and sat on a chair near Jonathan's desk. “Okay, come here then.”
“Did we just assume I'm the one who's gonna sit on your lap?” Jon raised his eyebrows.
“Oh my god, if you wanted to feel my ass on you, all you had to do was ask.” Steve used a fake put upon voice so Jon'd know he was just teasing. He stood up and waited for him to sit.
Jon just stared at him, then burst out laughing. “Okay, we can try your way first.”
Steve sat back again on the chair. Jonathan didn't seem like he knew what to do next, he was just standing in front of him. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?”
“I don't think I've ever been this close to a guy before.” Jon pondered.
“Jesus christ,” Steve rolled his eyes. “We've definitely been this close before, maybe not while being friendly, but we've been close.”
“Right.” Jon turned around and sat down. Steve’s hands moved, his right hand on Jon's waist and the other grasped one of Jon's hands, after trailing on his arm.
“Put your arm around me, Jon.” Steve said and Jon listened.
After he did that, they were able to be face to face. “This is not so weird, is it?” Jonathan said.
“Nah. Actually ‘s kinda nice.” Their faces were close, so Steve backed up a little to send a smile Jonathan's way. “Can we kiss now?”
Jon just rolled his eyes at him and giggled. “You're persistent, Harrington.”
Steve just shrugged. “We're going to have to do it eventually.”
“Fine.” Jonathan sighed, looking at his ceiling. So resigned.
“You're acting like it's such a chore, should I be offended?” Steve quizzed. He wasn't actually offended, he thought it was funny. And also hoped Jon wasn't uncomfortable or anything.
“I'm just teasing. It really isn't a chore to kiss an attractive guy at all.” Jon put their intertwined hands on his lap.
“I knew you thought I was hot.” Steve got closer.
“I never told you because I know you're full of yourself and self absorbed, of course.” Steve mocked offense to that. “But we're friends now, so. I like you even if you're full of yourself and self absorbed.”
“Aw, I like you too Jonny boy.” Steve cooed.
“Please don't call me that.” Jon cringed.
“Do you prefer sweetie pie?” Steve rubbed their noses together to maximize the cheesiness.
“I thought we were gonna kiss.” Jon pulled back.
“Oh, now you wanna be kissing.” Steve teased. Jon gave him one of his many flat stares, Steve was getting used to them. “Okay! I'm gonna kiss you now.”
Steve moved the hand that was resting on Jon's waist to put it under his jaw, while Jonathan put his hand on the back of Steve's neck. They were still holding hands, it seemed like a natural thing a couple would do, right? Anyway, Steve guided him until their breaths were mingling, Jon just seemed to be waiting on him. So Steve closed the gap between them.
The kiss was innocent, chaste and close mouthed, lasted a couple seconds and then they were parting. Steve made a face, he communicated through his expression that they could do better, so he went back in. This time his lips were slightly parted, and he thumbed Jon's jaw so he'd do the same. That was moderately successful, but Steve felt like it wasn't enough. He put his fingers on Jon's chin so he could lead him to a more open mouth kiss. The way his tongue entered Jon's mouth was languid and deliberate in his exploration.
Jon made a pleased sound, it vibrated through him and it was like a reflex, the sound of someone being kissed and liking it just made him act on instinct now.
He started trailing kisses on Jon's jaw, then the neck. He let go of Jon's hand, which Jon just used that freedom to sink it in his hair. While Steve rested his on Jon's thigh, trailing a little higher than anticipated. Steve went back to kissing Jonathan. It punched out a tiny whimper out of him, maybe Steve surprised him a bit. This kiss was still slow, like the last one. The difference is that Jon was giving him tongue now, too. They weren't fighting for dominance whatsoever, it still felt like Steve was leading. He felt himself getting a little hot under the collar, and they were running out of breath so he backed off.
Jon's eyes were still closed. “Wow,” he opened his eyes. “That was way better that I thought it was gonna be.”
Huh? “You thought I'd be a bad kisser?!” Steve exclaimed. Even though he was thinking the exact same thing, for different reasons though. Jonathan was into dudes, and Steve considered himself to be a good kisser so it shouldn't be a bad experience for Jon at all! However Steve wasn't into dudes (right?), so it was a surprise that he didn't think this experience was at all bad. It was even pleasant. Could straight guys enjoy kissing a guy? It was just kissing after all.
“I didn't say that!” Jon huffed. “I just thought you'd be more awkward about kissing a guy, that was not awkward at all.”
“It wasn't. I wasn't.”
“It was actually kinda nice.” Jon stated.
“Oh, come on.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Just kinda?” They were still in the same position, Jon's hands had moved to his shoulders. But Steve still had his hands on Jon's waist and thigh. Since Jon's head was above his, it was easy to flutter his eyelashes for him.
Jonathan just laughed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, it was very nice.” He gave in.
Steve impulsively gave him a quick peck and moved them to sit up. “Okay, let's try that again but now I get to sit on your lap.”
Jonathan looked confused, kinda whiplashed, but complied and sat down. Steve, instead of just sitting like a normal person, actually straddled Jon's lap like a crazed little guy. Jonathan, in a turn of events, blushed and didn't even know where to put his hands. Steve easily placed his on Jon's neck.
“This is not what we agreed on.” He wouldn't look Steve in the eyes.
“I just wanted to see if I could fluster you,” Steve lied. “I see now that I could, now back to the original programming.” How anyone didn't realize how much of a dork Steve was, was still a mystery to him. He mirrored Jon's position now. His hands still on Jon's neck. “You can touch me, I'm not gonna bite.” Jonathan shot him a look with suspicion laced in it. “Okay, maybe if you want me to.” Steve joked. He was almost sure it was a joke, anyway.
Jonathan hugged his middle. It was cozy, sitting like this. “Now what?” He asked.
Steve shrugged. “Wanna make out? It was fun.”
Jonathan looked at him like he was crazy. “For fun? You'd do that just for fun?”
“Got anything better to do?”
Jon thought about that for about five seconds before he was shrugging and shaking his head no.
-
As Steve was driving home, after a make out session with none other than Jonathan fucking Byers (they made out for like 20 minutes before Will actually walked in on them, the horror, which actually just helped them gain credibility for this fake dating spiel), he started to contemplate a possibility that maybe and just maybe a straight guy wouldn't have done what he did today.
And listen, kissing has always been one of Steve's favorite things to do. So he thought that no matter who it was it'd be good, or at least okay. But it wasn't just okay. It wasn't even just good. It was hot, and it was sensual, and if they kept going or changed positions he's almost positive that he'd have ended up with a problem.
So now he was confused. When he got home he needed to call Robin. Wait, what was he gonna tell her?
-
“You what?!” She yelled. Robin was pacing around the room. “You're an absolute moron. Oh my god, you're a moron and you're my moron.”
“You gotta understand! I- I panicked completely and you of all people should understand!” He tried to justify himself. Steve was just digging his own hole at this point.
He wasn't going to tell Robin about him fake dating Jonathan. He wasn't! But then he called her and she didn't even let him talk, said she was bored on their day off and invited herself over. Next thing he knew, he was spilling his guts all over the living room with Robin as his witness.
He really can't keep secrets from her.
“If you ignored him, he would've left you alone eventually!” She was talking about Dustin.
“You don't know that!” His voice was high. “Besides you didn't see the look on his face when he told Jon and me that our relationship might help someone who's struggling with their sexuality!” He still remembered that stupid and concerned face. “He was so concerned as a friend and he wanted to support them but didn't know how!”
“Oh god, does he know about me? Am I that obvious?” Robin paled.
“He was trying to set you up with me, he doesn't know about you.”
“Then… who…? Oh.” She calmed down and inhaled quickly just a second later. “I've had some suspicion about that kid for a while.”
“Yeah, well. Apparently Dustin too.”
“His heart's in the right place.” Robin sat down next to him on the couch.
“This isn't even what I wanted to talk to you about.” He complained.
“There's more to this absurdity?”
“So, Jon and I were practicing our kissing,”
“Of course you were.” She said.
“Shut up.” He fixed her a, hopefully, stern look. “We actually ended up making out for about 20 minutes, my suggestion by the way, and I found myself,” He should've thought about his words sooner.
“What?” Robin asked. She seemed patient with him, a ridiculous change of pace from a minute ago.
“Jon is a guy, and I enjoyed making out with him.”
Silence.
“Would you, do you think,” Steve needed to think before he spoke. “Do you think you'd enjoy kissing a guy?”
Robin made a disgusted face. “I would most definitely not enjoy kissing a guy.”
“Okay, but see, I always thought that kissing is just kissing and it would be good with anyone.” Steve explained his point of view, even though it was starting to sound like he was weird for it.
“Even before you knew what it was to kiss a guy?” She asked slowly.
“I mean, yeah, I've thought about guys I'd kiss before.” He responded.
“I've never seen a guy I'd be willing to kiss, Steve. Never even considered it.” She was shaking her head. Her eyes were so inquisitive, and Steve was starting to feel like he was under a microscope. “Maybe think more about that.”
He nodded.
“You want to watch a movie?” He needed a distraction.
“Always.” He really loved her.
-
The movie nights they had weren't strictly planned on a calendar, but they had them at least once a month it seemed like. Tonight was one of those. Steve liked having all of his friends at his house, it was comforting.
Tonight he wasn't even sure what they were watching, it was Lucas’ turn to pick a movie and he must have gone and rented it at family video while he wasn't working ‘cause he didn't remember Lucas renting anything.
The first people to arrive were obviously Robin and Eddie. They usually hung out a bit before the actual movie night, sometimes they stayed the night too. They let themselves in as always and sat down with him.
“Hey guys, want something to drink?” He offered.
“No, thanks, if I want anything I'll get it later.” Robin replied.
“You got coke, Stevie?” Eddie stood up to rummage his fridge.
“Yeah, it must be somewhere in there.” He followed Eddie into the kitchen. “Thought you'd want a beer.”
Eddie emerged with his drink in hand. He shrugged. “Night's still young.”
Steve smiled. “It isn't even night yet.”
“Exactly.”
Once everyone was there, all the kids and Jonathan too, they settled in to watch the movie.
Normally, Steve was in between Robin and Eddie for movie nights. However now that Jonathan and him were “together” they put their plan in action. Before, when they practiced their PDA, they decided that Steve was the one that would sit on Jon's lap. They just felt more comfortable that way, maybe because they spent more time that way but now that was irrelevant. They wouldn't change plans right at that moment.
So Jonathan sat on an individual couch and Steve followed. Right next to them was the couch he normally sat on with Eddie and Robin. He saw Robin visibly pout when she realized she wouldn't be able to sleep on his shoulder when she inevitably grew bored of the film. She gave herself a whole five seconds to mourn her bestie and then she schooled her expression and melted on the couch.
He was so amused with Robin's reaction that he hadn't noticed Eddie's. He actually looked mad. His brows were furrowed, his eyes didn't look happy at all. And his arms were crossed like he couldn't even believe what he was seeing. When he realized that Steve had caught his eye, he looked away and tried to relax. Emphasis on tried.
Steve really wanted to believe that Eddie's reaction was because he was gonna miss Steve being next to him and Robin, and not because of the nature of the relationship that Jon and Steve were portraying. He liked cuddling with Eddie and Robin during movie nights. They're his best friends, and he liked to think they enjoyed that time with him too. So a reaction to that change wasn't totally unwarranted, he just hoped that was the whole reason for it.
At some point during the movie, Jonathan and Steve did share a kiss. It was brief, nothing serious. But right after it happened, Steve heard someone standing up, and he turned to see Eddie leaving to enter the kitchen. He, of course, followed him.
Eddie was just standing in front of the sink.
Steve cleared his throat to announce himself. Eddie soon pretended to be looking for something in the fridge.
“What was that?” Steve asked.
Eddie looked back at him, finally. “What was what?” He closed the fridge, with his hands empty ‘cause he wasn't looking for anything really.
“Is there something you want to tell me Eddie?” He really, really didn't want something to be there.
Eddie crossed his arms. “What are you even implying?” His tone wasn't entirely defensive, it was also hesitant.
“You just, walked out right after,” Steve sighed. “Do you have a problem with me and Jon? I know I already asked you the other day but, you really are acting weird and it's making me nervous because you're one of my best friends and if you do have a problem it's gonna be so-” Steve didn't get to finish because Eddie was right in front of him suddenly and his hands were on his shoulders.
“Hey, hey,” Eddie used the tone of voice he used when he calmed Steve down from a nightmare. “You, you think I'm homophobic?” Eddie sounded pained.
For some reason, Steve realized he was misty eyed. He shook his head. “I would never think that about you, but the way you're acting…”
Eddie crushed him, he was hugging him so tight and Steve will always hug Eddie back.
Eddie stepped back. “I'm not homophobic. Quite um, the opposite actually.”
Steve did not understand subtlety, why did everyone forget that? “I don't- what?”
Eddie smiled fondly at him. He looked down, seemed to be finding courage to say something. He looked back up determined. “I'm gay, Steve.”
“Oh.” Steve nodded. “Thank you for telling me, you know for, trusting me.”
“I trust you the most, sweetheart.” They hugged again, it was longer this time.
When they separated, the look of confusion that was so common on Steve these days came back in full force. “Then why have you been acting so weird lately?” Steve asked.
Eddie opened his mouth, then closed it. He repeated that one, two or three other times. “I- you know, I was totally just,”
“Yeah?”
Eddie shrugged. “I guess I was jealous?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?” Steve thought that Eddie didn't seem completely sure about what he was saying.
“I'm lonely, okay?! I'm single and you parade around with your new boyfriend, which I should just be happy that you can because let's be honest, where could you guys act like this? Nowhere else!” Eddie was rambling now, but Steve understood what he was trying to say, mostly. “It's just, hard. You know?”
“I'm sorry.” Steve found himself saying.
“Eh. What are you gonna do?” Eddie seemed genuinely sad. Steve hated seeing him like this. He squeezed Steve’s shoulder and went back to the living room.
Steve just stood there for a really long time contemplating what just happened. He had another friend who was into guys. Eddie liked guys. Steve maybe also could like guys. Maybe. Did he? And why did this news leave him so shook? He felt like he could float but also like his stomach had a weight to it that had never been there before. And- god now there was a flutter.
Steve was so fucked.
-
Taglist below.
This is actually the last time I use the taglist (that is over a year old btw). So if you want to keep reading you can either follow the tag "I think I got an ex but I forgot him" or "mer writes sometimes". Thank you for reading!
Tag list.
@iliedaboutthechocolates @my2amgaythoughts @frostbitesoul @kaylakenobi @octopus-in-cripsis @leethegay @yourebuckingkiddingme @marvel-ous-m @messrs-weasley @thevidaren @princessdave @gleek4twd @ntwolf69 @lololol-1234 @fruitmix @thelady-mary @duckyreads @tauntedperfume @pyrohonk @grtwdsmwhr @manda-panda-monium @raisedbylibrarians @flwerkitty @goodolefashionedloverboi @clumsiluni @lexyvey @martinskis-lydias @gay-stranger-things @gregre369 @woven-of-stingers @addelyin @suddenlyinlove @random-thoughts-004 @trashcanniballecter @weirdasshomo @i-have-three-feelings @finalmoondragon @fancyorangepeels @infinitetrashbag @tartarusfairy @cattywompus1 @eddielives1986 @daleyeahson @simplycodey @satan-is-obsessed @paintsplatteredandimperfect @thefailcollection @alohastitch0626 @r0binscript @ledleaf @evix-syne666 @robin-is-sleepy @unhealthobsesions @estrellami-1 @catlovesfandoms @hellomynameismoo @stardust-era @omgshesinsane @emma-elsa-0000 @bye-zai @contraclockwork @beckkthewreck @newtstabber @aceflavouredyougurt @mistlafey @justalittleobsessedhere @chaoskiro @vhelt @u-a-wizard-jamie @callas-shitshow @pineapplecrispy
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o0chiyami0o · 2 days ago
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Second chance:
Pt 1. The Saviors
Lil warning before we start
Listen uh, I'm making a series because uh I want to. Judge me or not, I have a K9 dog with me(totaly a dog). But anyway other that I'd hope you all enjoy this lil series of mine, the reader have a bit of personality and hit of same backstory from a character, I'm not gonna really reveal who I was refering to but I'd love for you lots to keep guessing 'till someone guess it right:). Also, I'm not good with their accents so I might just slip in some the words I know, sorry.
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Everything is dark and you can't even see a thing, is your eyes even open? Are you even alive? You keep asking yourself that. Your lungs feel full as if water were filling it each time you tries to took a breath.
Soft murmured can be heard but from where? You can barely make up the words they're saying "Poor soul" "Barely reach late twenties" "lord forgive this soul". And some you couldn't make up, soon the soft murmured became more louder and the voices adds up.
Your eyes finally flutter open only to meet with blinding white light as you can't feel yourself breathing, yet here you are, awake but the blinding light make you second guess it "Poor soul, it's not your time yet. I'll bring you back there but not at the same place you use to be. Be as brave as you're before." the voice say, sound so soft and soothing but something about it make you feel unease.
Before you could quest whoever's voice was it, you soon felt like yourself falling. The blinding light is no longer in view as you find yourself in a what seem to be a bulding with a gasp escape you once you feel yourself breathing again.
"What.. the fuck" you breath out as you clutch into your chest, everything felt so wrong and different as your eyes flick everywhere. The sounds of people yelling, screaming, gunshots and more chaos. Just what the hell is happening here? You ask yourself as you stand up on your feet before a groan escape you, everything hurts.
You look down at yourself before took a notice the bruses and wounds on your body which make your eyes widen 'What happening?' You repeat in confusion, you didn't have time to think before the door, that already broken anyway, kicked down by a male "Captain, foun' someone" he say, talking to the mic that were resting on his ear.
You took in his appearance, a soldier, what you can see from his uniform as his hair.. is somewhat unique for a soldier. Whatever it is, make you tense up once you saw his uniform. "Yer okay, bud?" He ask as he approach you, clutching the gun he holding while he keep his guard up.
You just continue to stare up at him, your mind telling you to fight or run but you remain still with body tensing. One time you're drowning and the other time you're here. Weird.
"Gee, could use a medic, kid" he say as he crouch down in front of you. Kid? You ask youself, this man doesn't seem to be older than you in any thought. "Come, let me help ya" he says as he put away his gun and carry you up in his arms. An arm behind your knees and the other behind your back.
"S'tense, wha' happened to ya, Lass?" Ask the man as he keeps his focus straight, running toward what seems to be a helicopter. His question remains unanswered as you keep your guard up when he steps into the vehicle only to meet four other men with the same uniform as his.
The sight make you tense up even more than you should which make the man who holding you took a notice of it "found 'er still breathing in one of the building. The other already left with the others suvivor" the man explain to his team as he sit down on the barely enough space in the vehicle.
"This is why I told 'em to check every building even there's no call out for help" mutter a man who sitting across from you, seems to be the oldest if you take in his appearance but look can always lie. "The medic is busy, let 'em be" say another man who offer you a sympathic smile.
The man who still holds you in his arms shift slightly to help you have a comfortable position while all of you fit in the small space "we're going" a gruff voice say from the pilot seat before the helicopter start do lift off from the ground.
"S'tense, where did ye find 'er?" Ask the man from across of you, tilting his head slightly as his bear shifting every time he start talking "one of the broken building, colaps as soon we leave. Lucky 'er" say the man who still holding you in place, giving his teammate a grin.
"Lass look traumatized" say the other man, who give you a softer gaze as if trying to help you ease up, that didn't help thought. "Wouldn't imagen wha' happend there, the town were turn upside down by tha' maniac".
That gets your attention as your gaze flick to the man who just talk. A maniac? Surely they just being overzealous but nothing is impossible to you anymore.
———
You can't remember shit. You're now in a medical room where they tend your wounds and bruses. They ask you your name, you say your name to them but it feel wrong to say as if it's wasn't even your name to begin with.
When the medics leave the room to let you heal, you hear the door of the room being open to reveal the man who save you "how 're ye doin' lass?" Ask the man as he approach your bed. Staying silent as you look up at him while laying down on the bed "not much of a talker are ye?" He ask, after a while he notice you're not going to answer him.
He soon called out your name with a grin on his face ",heard they called ye' that" he say as your head nod comfirm his words which make his grin widen when he knew you're not fully ignoring him. "Call me Soap, Bonnie" he say as he watch your expresion, wich to his supprised, you let out a short laughter.
This fact make him tries to pull out more of your laughter from you by making some jokes in hope to ease you up, some were so bad that manage pull out a louder laughter from you.
But soon it come to an end when one of the nurse tell him to leave you to heal, you watch him walk out of the room as he give you a grin before leaving the room.
You now left alone in the medical room, you glance to your side to find an open window that reveal the night sky. You look outside from your bed, looking at the stars as you still confused what will happend next since you know nothing of this place neither how you got here.
The stars held no answer for your questions as you found yourself slowly falling asleep, maybe tomorrow will answer at least some of the questions that have been flooding in your head.
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lazysoulwriter · 2 days ago
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Higher than ever. - Paul Mescal. +18! MDI.
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okay thats.... if ur a minor, trust me, read this in another time of your life. feel free to ask me anything!
words: something like 1.3k
╭── ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ──╮
The sun was shining through your curtains, making you wake up from a hot dream with... Your best friend Paul? What the fuck? Your thoughts were confused but your panties are soaked. WHAT THE FUCK? 
Okay... He's hot. You can't help it but your mind leads you to him. To his body. To all the time you guys spend together. The way the touches you, hugs you and do ANYTHING for you. But... You were just friends. That thoughts have to get out of your head. 
You check your phone just to see a message from him. 
"heyo! u up?" 
"yeah yeah" 
"great. coming in 20. gonna bring some breakfast and a FCKNG nice weed that I found"  
You don't even have to answer. He's always like that, coming to your apartment with just a little warning. Never asking. — he doesn't have to, actually. 
You get up and go to the bathroom to push away those dreams, take a fast bath and get ready for the day with comfy clothes – a gym shorts and a white tank top. IT WAS A HOT DAY OKAY. 
You heard him at the door, calling your name instead of ringing the fucking doorbell. 
"Mr Paul Mescal, welcome..." You joke, giving space for him to come in.  
"Hello baby," he places a kiss in your cheek. Always been like that. "All dressed up for me?" He chuckles. 
"Fuck you."  
You guys sit on your couch, and started eating the waffles he brought. You could feel something different in the air.  
"Something happened?" You asked taking a sip from his cup of coffee. 
"No, not actually... Why?" He frowns his eyebrows looking at you.  
"Don't know... You seem... weird." 
"So do you!" He shrugs with a little smile on his face. Looks like HE KNOWS. 
You try to ignore that and keep talking to each other. He takes the things you ate to your kitchen, and come back to you smiling like a child. 
"Oooh you can’t believe what we're gonna smoke right know" He says taking his things out of his pocket. "Can I roll a blunt right now?" 
"Sure! Let's see this shit. 
When he was rolling, you started noticing so much his hands. The way his fingers were doing everything just right... You feel something weird. Again. But when he licks to close it, you felt your core ache. He looked at you immediately, like he fucking knew. "What?"  
"N-Nothing..." You tried to laugh.  
He just shrugged again and light up the blunt. He takes a deep drag and give it to you, that does the same.  
"Okay, okay... that's a good one." 
"I TOLD YOU!" He laughs and bite his lip unconsciously, but it makes you keep reminding of the fucking dream. literally fucking.  
At the end of it, you were both high and laughing at the silliest things you could imagine. His eyes were a little red and he looks so relaxed. He was wearing one of those fucking shorts, showing off his fucking legs.  
"Paul..." you started in a middle of a laugh. "You look really hot in that shorts, you know?"  
He blushes a little, but smile at you. "So do you..." his eyes were on your legs right now. "You look so hot, actually..." he licks his lips and smiles. 
After some minutes of silence, you both knew what's going on and don't even have to verbalize it.  
When you notice, you were on his lap, kissing him desperately. "Hey, hey, hey..." He breaks the kiss to look at you. "Are you okay with this?" 
"Yes, Paul, stop!" You tried to kiss him again, but he won't let you, making you whimper.  
"No... is like..." he stops, trying to find the right words but seems to give up. "I've wanted to fuck you so bad for so long, that if we started, I won't stop."  
Instead of answering him, you just kiss him again, slowly and passionate. You grind on his already hard cock, making both of you moan in each other's mouth. He squeezes your butt just the way you dreamed last night, making you giggle.  
"Are you really laughing? You're such a slut, huh?"  
He takes your right breast on his hand, massaging and then picking your nipple. All in a slow pace, making you crazy. When he's about to do the same with the other, you stood up and look at him. He looks a fucking hot mess. His hard cock against his shorts, his hair... my goodness. Before he can protest, you take off your shirt, showing your pierced nipples that he knew, but never saw. He smirked at the vision, taking one hand to his dick. Looking at you with so much desire in his eyes. You take his shirt off, giving you the perfect vision of that man. He was still giving his dick some strokes before you kneeled in front of him.  
You take his hand away, to replace with yours. He hissed at the sensation. You look at him, with a pure innocent look, receiving a smirk back.  
He opens his legs a little more, giving you more access to him. You caressed his tights and slowly goes to his shorts. "Can you take it a little down for me?" You asked, and he immediately puts his shorts and underwear away, you don't even see where it goes. You never thought he was little, but never thought it was THAT big. You bite your lip while stroking his dick. When you put the tip in your mouth, you could already hear him moaning and taking your hair into his hands. It was so sexy hearing him like this, with his dick in your mouth.  
You could feel your pants soaked with this and you can't help but start massaging your pussy for some friction. You both were already a mess and it was just starting.  
"Get up," he commands with a firmly voice. "Now."  
You obey him, getting up just to be putting on the couch, ass up for him. He slaps your butt so hard you know it was leaving marks for a week. But you don't fucking care. You are a mess in moans when he started to massaging your pussy, that was soaked and ready for a dick like never before. "Can I?" he asks, with his tip on your entrance.  
"Of course, just fuck me already!" 
With those words, the next thing you hear was another slap before his long and thick dick fills you. You both let out a loud moan, it was like heaven. He started slow, but intense. Making you go crazy. You were in a position that you can't see his face, but you exactly how it is. And knowing that is Paul inside of you, after all those years, makes everything better. 
His movements started to get fast, and you feel his strong arms around your waist. The sounds are so erotic. The sound of your wet pussy on his dripping dick, his moans, your moans, everything. 
"Paul... Yes... Like th-OH," You feel your orgasm so close that you can even see anything anymore. "I'm cumming..." You whispered in your breath.  
"I can feel that... That's... Wow.." His pace started to get sloopier, and he turns you around, so you can see each other.  
He still pounding into you, looking right into your eyes. "I'm gonna cum, baby." He said and takes his dick to your stomach, spreading his juice all over your stomach and breasts. 
Before you say anything, he takes you up and take you both to your bedroom, going to your closet and getting a towel to clean you up. Such a gentleman. 
And just then, he lay down your side, still breathing hard.  
He looks at you and smile, taking you to lay down on his chest. 
"Just so you know..." He started. "I've been in love with you since we're teenagers." 
"Yeah... Me too." You said laughing. 
And with some caresses, you both sleep after the sex of your lives. 
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messypansy · 3 days ago
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Contains: Hypnosis, manipulation, technically somno?, forced masculinization, use of the F slur
This is a ramble, not supposed to be anything too accurate or well written, so be nice, please lol
If there's a tag you think needs to be here, let me know!
Just imagine:
You're dating a guy and 6 months in, everything's going well. He's really sweet, he takes you out to dinner, buys you your favorite books and new ones you've been meaning to get to, even being able to practically read your mind the way he just knows when you're hungry or thirsty. He just seems to be such good boyfriend material.
A while after, he sees you've not been putting as much effort into looking like a guy, even going so far as to wear feminine clothes and not correcting people when they call you by she/her pronouns. You've noticed the little glint in his eyes and the mild looks of irritation, but you've never thought to bring them up.
You don't question when he tells you you've got a doctor's appointment and that he'll take you. You don't question when the doctor supplies you your first dose of testosterone, nor do you realize that's what's in the "vaccine" your boyfriend swears it is. You don't question when he needs to run by the pharmacy and comes back to the car with a bag of supplies. You're none the wiser when he gives you your following doses in your sleep, waiting until you're unconscious to inject the needle into your fat.
When your attitude doesn't change in the first few weeks, still attempting to keep a hold on your femininity despite the growth happening between your legs, he decides to take some extra measures. Now, while you're asleep, he's slipping headphones on your head, allowing subliminals to fill your mind. This seems to help, so he continues to do so, even going so far as to put you into trance while you're awake and make you forget what he would do just as you come to. He starts off easy, just reaffirming the triggers he's set and putting it in your brain that you are indeed a man, but he increases the intensity more and more every day, setting in desires to be used like a man, to be seen as a man. Unbeknownst to you, when these little thoughts creep up in your mind throughout the day, you have no clue that they're because of what he's doing.
It eventually gets to a point where he's done some convincing without influence to let him try out anal with you. Even with his less than ethical methods before, he knew it needed no convincing on your part this time, and he takes care of you so nicely, having all the supplies to properly prep you for it all. Just like everything else, you have no clue this wouldn't be the first time, not that you're aware of at least.
He slips inside you with barely any effort after some prepping, surprising even you as he starts off slow. You can't help but feel like this isn't the first time you've done this, that you two MUST have done something before. Even in your moan-filled bliss, you can't help but beg the question. His rhythm stutters for a moment, almost pausing before pretending like you didn't just ask what you asked. You insist, even stating through moans that you're pretty sure he's done something.
He grabs your throat suddenly, pounding into you ruthlessly. "Of course I did. But I'm surprised you even remember." As your eyes widen, about to argue, you barely get even a word out before he's pressing more on your arteries and making your head spin from the lack of blood flow. He growls into your ear:
"I don't want to hear a word out of that mouth about it. You may be pissed, but I had to do it. You need to start acting like a man. You lost the right to your own body when you decided that you were gonna pretend to be some fucking girl and ignore the reality in front of you."
"Now shut the fuck up and take it like a man..."
Despite the still lingering anger and shock at the revelation, the way he fucks up into you is way too much, causing that still foggy brain of yours to give in despite it all, to just let him use you like the little fag you are. He whispers one little word into your ear, and although it doesn't send you into trance, it makes what he says next all the more enticing and convincing.
"Doesn't this feel good? To be used like the stupid whore you are? To be guided like this? To be shown your place?"
It all feels so good. It feels good for him to use you. It feels good when he slips his hand around and pumps your little developing cock. It feels good to hear his praises. It feels good to be called a 'good boy', to be called a 'fag'. It's what you are, after all.
"Are you gonna cum? Gonna cum from me fucking you like a man? From me stroking your cock?"
He says through grunts, already so close himself. It's all too much, the way he fills you up so nicely and the way he praises how you give in and clench with each masculine praise. You can't help but nod violently as your moans and whines practically evolve into cries and screams of pleasure. As the feeling of release overwhelms you, your body convulses under him, the only thing to stabilize you being his hands that hold your hips so tight that the possibility of bruising is a guarantee. You shudder as he finally cums inside you, painting your ass with spurts of white.
Your pants fill the room, your boyfriend staying inside you for a while before pulling out and rolling over onto his back. He pulls you into his embrace, holding your sweaty body close while he gets his bearings.
"From now on...", he starts, his speech slow and patchy. "You're...You're gonna be...fucked exclusively like this... No using that...that useless front hole. You're gonna listen to my words, to my orders...and be the man I know you are..."
You're eyes already flitting close, you can only nod slightly in response as you fall asleep against him.
As time goes on, he forces you to continue your masculinization, having to use hypnosis and trigger words on you less and less. He has you voice train as your voice drops, has you eating more of those necessary macros and making you work out, he takes you to a barber to get a more appropriate cut compared to the shaggy layers you donned before. He's even got a surgery date for you to get those lumps off your chest so you can start wearing shirts and going shirtless without a binder. He's completely changed you for the better.
And now?...
You actually believe it.
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booigi-boi · 3 hours ago
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How my video chat with the Tin Can Bros went 🐐💛
I got to talk to the three of them separately with a special guest (James and Mariah) so I'll put this into three sections (writing this down mostly for my awful memory, gonna be long)
Brian and James
First thing Brian said when the call started was "have you gotten any new tattoos since the last time we saw you?" A: No :(
He and James asked about Finland and what it is like
I was asked something about what is my fav thing about Finland (minus sauna) and I said the nature. I told them to visit northern Finland both during summer and winter cause the nature is fucking amazing, ok? They googled it and James said he's putting it on his list, lol
Brian asked while googling if I've ever been to the Snow Castle in Kemi, and I laughed a little and said I was actually born there so yeah, I've been there multiple times
I was also asked if there's something I'd like the rest of the world to know about Finland
I answered how I hate how other countries have turned saunas into a luxury item, when in Finland literally every house and apartment building has a sauna. Also told them the correct way to pronounce sauna
James asked me how I learned about TCB. Said I discovered SK in mid 2018 and somehow figured TCB was also a thing. He also asked how I got into Shipwrecked, and to that I just said Spies Are Forever. Brian nodded and said "they're cool"
(Honestly, I'm leaving so much out cause we really just talked about my country and how happy it is, lol)
Corey and Mariah
Brian and James left for another call once Corey and Mariah joined (I didn't expect them to do this call like this tbh /neutral)
Mariah was excited about the fact I'm Finnish, she was enjoying meeting people all over the world
Corey asked if I had any questions for them and I had to admit I suck at asking questions and never know what to say (he was cool with my child brain)
Mariah said she had so many questions she would have liked to ask me. She really liked looking at the wall behind me and seeing all the shit I have on there
Then my cat decided she wanted attention and hopped on the table and made herself known to them. Told them she was Lotta and she's 14
After a while Corey asked me what my fav project from the Tinlightenment was, and I said I've been most excited for Gross Prophets. Corey revealed it's going to be difficult to rehears it without an audience and it's apparently super silly (in a good way)
Before they left Mariah asked me what was my fav movie or musical or anything so she could get to know what I'm all about, so I excitedly told her about Tetsuo the Iron Man (more about this later)
Then Joey joined all alone and it was time for Corey and Mariah to leave
Joey
Joey didn't have a guest with him so it was just me and him on a call together. He complimented my long ass vampire nails
He heard us talking about movies and asked me about it, so I said how Mariah asked me about my fav movie
He got a little excited and asked me about it, so I told him about Tetsuo, and how it's one of those movies that you're either going to love cause how artistic it is, or say wtf did I just watch
He got intrigued and googled it and read its description. He was interested (pls google it)
He read reviews and said how it's either 5 stars or 1 star, and I told him it is very 50/50
He put it on his list and promised to tell me once he had watched it :3 (hopefully not on discord cause I don't use it, lol)
Then before time was up, he asked me about my hospital stay last year (which I didn't talk about publicly and he was one of the few people that knew about it). It was kinda nice of him to ask about it and ask if I was good now (I am)
One last thing he asked about before he had to leave was if I was going to the new Starkid concert this year, and I said no, unfortunately. Maybe he was little saddened about it, but he told me last year wasn't that long ago and we might see each other again at some point
Then he wished me a good rest of the day and told me we'd see each other soon (next month when I again embarrass myself in Quiplash)
One last note, but I was kinda surprised how Joey didn't apologise to me for the 100th time for something he promised me back in 2023 and still hasn't done it, especially since he seems to apologise about it any time we have an interaction, lol (but I'll talk about it more when that happens, shhh)
Sorry if it was all so long, but I did leave out stuff too, sksks. Honestly, I kinda needed this, it was nice talking to people and they're all so easy to talk to 💞 James and Mariah were a nice surprise, can't wait for Gross Prophets 👉👈
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distant--shadow · 1 day ago
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Yeah, it's 100% an issue of question curation, not an issue with questions being asked. There's literally no way that you could know that without specifically seeking out questions that were submitted but not answered, but I guess some people are expecting you to be clairvoyant...
It's a shame because it's probably the only fireside chat Laura'll do for at least a year. I think the quesitons that get the most repeat submissions are always going to be the memey ones, which is why they really need a dedicated person to pick out the most interesting questions during fireside chats, otherwise we're just gonna keep getting shallow questions.
Also, I was just thinking the other day about how girlfailure is kinda like the new bimbo and it bothers me. Like, yeah, it means ditzy and klutzy and we can say it affectionately all we like, we're still kinda trivialising feminity. It's also a really clunky word that sounds bad to say. If you wanna talk more about it, I'd like to hear it
I feel you here, but as I keep tryna say I don't think it's 100% an issue on curation, because those silly questions had to be submitted in the first place, and the person curating them has to have some sort of belief or knowledge that it is what the audience wants to hear. I can take an argument for lightheartedness, but as I said, it's within the context of all of the grievances people have had with this campaign, I guess paired maybe with underlying concerns I could have about them tryna appeal to a certain crowd, and how that could effect the main campaign format eventually. I don't know the current time line for recording, so there's all chance that the latest episode was filmed an amount of time before the fireside chat, so that added to wanting to steer from too current questions as it would maybe spoil. but then again I say, the show didn't have to be this week. and you're very right, it is so frustrating because we have a lot less of a look behind the curtain with this campaign than we did c2, and yes they're so busy, but it's frustrating because we (or at least I) don't want any of the bells and whistles in this extra content. I'm not looking to fulfil a social need watching them hang out, I want to get a grasp of what is going on, or at least not have it replaced by the goofing.
of course part of why I was posting initially with pretty heavy words is because I was feeling pissed off about it, you wait a long time for something to come round and it just feels like the same information rehashed to you, or yeah as I said in other posts, it feels like an obvious infiltration of fandom and like you're getting pandered to. and hey, maybe that's the fault of this campaign, maybe the majority feel it's so lacking they'd rather say fuck it, I'd rather AU to everyone's face.
I'll say a little bit on the girl failure thing, because I am almost certain people have written good and thought out essays and pieces on this stuff, but what I will say is what my gut says. firstly, there has been a huge up tick in the use of girl by women in general in recent years, and as a simple quick note on that: I don't like it. it shows a denial of aging, a wish to not be associated with what is woman, as well as literally the word for a child. yes, I understand the complexities of a society where getting houses and a lot of these other classic age associated milestones are really hard if not impossible, and that language evolves and definitions change, but what a denial of the experiences you do get to have instead. there's a lot of freedoms we have that prior generations haven't. to go through all of that and still call other women girls is just. it's not it. I can understand an argument for preference, but as I said, to use it for others is infantilising. showing my age here, I'm sure, but it's the way girl has become like an identity vs woman. why are you so scared of being a woman? what is it about if that you dislike? how does that play into-
girlfailure, and people using it so casually for everything and it becoming a meme.
language is important. and I shoudlnt be allowed to say that because I haven't proof read a post in my life and I've got a sieve brain from years of drug use. but the language you use plants seeds. when you make jokes and belittle yourself, do you know what kind of people see that and think, huh, well if they're saying it it's fine for me to say it too, and who goes on to repeat it the loudest? how, genuinely, I genuinely believe this, yknow, you watch those videos and read those pieces on how people basically become fascists without realising, from the wildest paths. that it's often a long chain of events. behaviour starts somewhere. and yeah, this is a huge dumbing down and simplification of that and I'm sure a lot of people will argue I'm being delusional and dramatique', but associating a negative trait with a gender or a sex or a race or ability, making it a meme, using that meme, even if it's initially only used by the people it applies to, it gets co-opted by those it doesn't, and in time is used as ammunition against them. do I think that every person saying girlfailure or girlmath is using it with vicious intent? no. but I'm old enough to have grown up with changing vocabulary and words that are derogatory and thought of as totally fine to use in every day language and were in reality dehumanising and or belittling the people they were used against. basically? girlfailure gives me the ick. sure, girlfail all over yourself if you have to. don't use it for other women. don't put it out there.
it's never made sense for me for Imogen. yeah, she's a goof at times, but her failures are literally dice rolls, why is no one else a girlfailure? she's been rediculously perceptive (lol not visually) so many fucking times. what do you mean all you've wanted is for Imogen to be a girlfailure? you want her to flunk everything she attempts? doesn't seem to line up with the Imogen I very much enjoy seeing and people claim is what they love to see.
finally, and this might be huge news to some people, I can think girlfailure is a shitty term and propagating misogyny, and that doesn't take away from how much of my concerns are focused in areas that need more attention, doesn't mean it's all I care about. as I'm always saying, change happens locally, within communities. change starts with small actions as well as big ones. language is important. if you don't see how small things play into the big things then I'm sorry, the world isn't that simple. dehumanising and the like starts at micro levels. and before u know it it's law.
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baphometsss · 2 months ago
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if i see one more post about how solas/mythal/elgar'nan had a weird love triangle thing going on i'm gonna scream
#probably gonna annoy some people by saying this#but i think it is really telling that taash's response 'they were doin' it'#is positioned in a way that strongly implies it's the immature response to take#not to say i'm 100% right bc they left it deliberately vague for a reason#you're meant to make up your own mind#and i personally do not see this as a stupid love triangle bc a. i fucking hate love triangle plots they're overdone and boring#and b. it's stated multiple times that the ancient elves felt things in different ways that can't be fully understood by mortals#so deducing that it was a romantic bond is an oversimplification of something that's actually very abstract#falon'din and dirthamen were called both twins and lovers by legends but it turned out to be neither of those things#they were just one spirit split into two#the only two that i think were actually romantically involved were ghil and andruil bc it's stated that they fell in love in the abyss#and there are statues of them naked holding hands apparently#we didn't get enough info about sylaise and june to really say much about their relationship#the actual regret memory of solas and mythal meeting in secret#is the memory that the inquisitor gives to rook#and it appeared after the ritual was interrupted and solas killed varric#when varric told him to stop#when varric expressed his love for his friend and died for it#the parallel is not of lovers but of solas taking mythal's place and varric taking his#ugh i'm just so uncomfortable with the solas/mythal romance stuff#like it actually nauseates me#not out of jealousy but bc his whole story is him dealing with the horrific trauma bond he formed with her#and those are so often borne from family bonds#like mythal is just one big mother wound to solas#i honestly think if they were lovers they would just state it as such#but people have a hard time imagining devotion as being anything other than romantic ig#sad bc platonic relationships can sometimes be more intense than romantic ones
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beetlethebug · 2 months ago
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i've written an Emmrich x Rook daddy kink fic but the real question is when i'm going to get around to writing a Lucanis x Rook mommy kink fic with Lucanis as the mommy ;)
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giantkillerjack · 8 months ago
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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wereh0gz · 8 days ago
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Genuinely starting to regret going to that hiring event and getting this job. My boss literally Does Not Communicate Ever
#ramblings#neg#i feel like i'm going to go insane#i missed multiple days of work bc she never sent the schedule and i had no fucking clue i was supposed to go in#and she never fucking. said anything?? she never contacted me about it?? like#she said she sent it but obviously she fucking didn't#i go multiple days without showing up with no notice and she just. doesn't call or text or anything??#girl it's literally YOUR JOB to make sure i'm doing mine. what the fuck happened#and it's not like she doesn't have other contacts like she can very much call my parents if she can't get ahold of me#something similar happened on my first day. it got delayed bc of the snow and she never notified me#i wasn't gonna go anyways bc the roads were covered in snow. no way me or my parents were driving in that#but like i had to reach out and be like hey what's going on#but like THAT'S YOUR JOB YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE KEEPING YOUR EMPLOYEES UPDATED ON THIS KINDA STUFF#WHAT DID YOU LIKE. FORGET I EXIST??#it's been the same thing twice now where she says she sent a message but i never get anything#like at some point you gotta be like hm. maybe there's something going on#i'm so fucking mad rn i wanna bash my head into a wall#if she doesn't get this shit sorted out next time i'm gonna lose it bc how are you gonna let this happen more than two times in a row#i'm so tired. man. i hate it here#maybe i'm just overreacting but this does not bode well for my job#like is it too much to ask for basic communication with your employees#ugh
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daz4i · 1 year ago
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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp
i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand
many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you
also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)
#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them#if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person#you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect#and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops#i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck#seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted#if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way#a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels#so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process#you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them#but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you#anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol#(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really#i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.
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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year ago
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Line for you to find:
“It’s yet another reason I didn’t want to involve my family. I’ve never done anything I didn’t believe in—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t crossed hard lines.”
I have to concede this one to you, Mr. Pyren. I knew I recognized it, but I couldn't place it even after over half and hour of brainstorming. Because I got it in my head that it was an Alden quote, but when I couldn't find it I went to the internet to double check, and unfortunately it showed me the page number, so I ruined the test </3
alas! it is so obvious now that I've gotten past the Alden thing! but I think it's no surprise I missed the lodestar quote, that book mysteriously vanishes from so many memories
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byanyan · 1 year ago
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being friends with byan is so weird bc they say they want you to have the balls to be bluntly honest with them, but then the very moment you're honest about something they don't like, they're peacing out, all "lmao ok friendship ended byeeeee"
#honesty is great until you're addressing their insecurities or anything they're currently in denial over#they have a... weird relationship with honesty lmao#they'll be harshly honest about almost anything and not pull a single damn punch#they will tell you easily that their biological mother didn't want them and that they've lived on the street#they'll tell you that they haven't had a foster home last more than 10 months & that one of their foster parents almost killed them#but they won't tell you about the misery these events caused & how its shaped them as a person#and then there's the way they can dish it but can't take it#they'll tell you to your face everything that's wrong with you (in their opinion)#but the moment you do the same back.... lmao fuck you what the hell kinda bullshit#they're so SO sensitive. so much more so than they let on. and they don't tolerate being called on their shit well.#but I think part of that is bc they spent a lot of their life being belittled rather than built up#and they ended up feeling like every time they were abandoned it was bc of their flaws#so if ur pointing them out........ it's only a matter of time before ur leaving too. so they better leave first.#but also they just hate being Seen. they hate when someone can see behind their facade.#if someone else can see ur pain that means it's really there or something :)#idk I have way more thoughts about this than I realized when I started typing and now the tags are gonna be longer than the post oops#might....... have to make a note to get into all this in a more in depth headcanon at some point#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.
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snekdood · 2 years ago
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Idk why i expect charitability from ppl who probably listen to whatever their staple favorite left-leaning video essayists says about the Other Leftists they dont like and takes it to heart and doesnt form their own opinion with the information provided (or the information specifically and intentionally left out to make the person look the worst that they can) just kinda does whatever that persons says because Its Probably Correct
I mean, theyre "on the left" and uses all the words you like, nevermind what their intentions or long terms goals are or how thatd reasonably be practiced irl or if it'd actually hurt the general cause of progressives and make things even more divisive and worse bc they value being petty more than actually having any values.
#yall be like 'i better go watch this black person who believes in racial separatism and take everything they say to heart and not form my#own opinion because the Correct Thing To Do is to let every minority im not say shit that would only help nazis in the long run Because Im#Not That Minority So Clearly I Have No Stake In This'. like idk. its one thing to pretend you understand every thing about a certain#minorities experience that you dont have. its a whole other thing to actually challenge people on their beliefs. and if the person you#are challenging cant give you a good enough answer or dodges or gets MAD at you for even asking - you should probably avoid them or at the#very least not just believe every fucking thing they say and never come to your own conclusions on shit.#people are supposed to have the critical thinking ability to have their beliefs challenged and give you an actual answer#theyre supposed to want you to understand. theyre supposed ro be able to explain it to people who dont understand#and arent in the same spaces enough to understand. if you cant explain to me why racial separatism is somehow Ideal then why should#i listen to you. just to do whatever you say no questions asked or else im bad and very problematic?#like how am i supposed to take this kinda person seriously when they go around calling shark3ozero the c word and other#racist shit. like you're not serious lol. you have no issue just acting like the people who disagree with you on something are just purely#bigots.#when the people you attack are far more on your side than the fucking republicans who yall barely even mention. which is interesting.#anyways if you believe in dividing everyone by race understand that thats LITERALLY what white supremacists want. that is Not the ideal#world for me. idk about you. and if you understand this and still follow me gtfo of here#you're a dipshit and prolly an accelerationist and i dont have time for your bullshit and likely nihilism.#you're gonna end up killing yourself thinking the world is only ever against you and everyone who disagrees w you is a bigot.#and i dont mean necessarily actually putting up a noose i just mean you're gonna isolate yourself SO MUCH from other ppl and stay only in#your one little space. that if you ever lose that space for whatever reason you'll be left alone w no help.#or you'll isolate yourself so much and stay inside forever and be hella paranoid in grocery stores thinkin everyone there Wants To Kill You#and im not gonna act like ik whats in the mind of someone who believes in racial separatism. that was more of an example. but i can try#to understand and i can tell that someone has to go through a lot of bs to think thats the only solution. im not trying to downplay why ppl#might think thats the best option. but really its the same shit w terfs and cis men and it kinda seems like its a solution born from trauma#with convoluted justifications for why its Fine actually#thats how it looks from my angle rn. if thats not the case and you feel like its different im always willing to hear different angles on#stuff. im never married to my positions as im not exactly a static person who never changes.#id say thats quite the opposite of my Whole Thing
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arminsumi · 2 months ago
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... hubby!Gojo with a huge breeding kink who just obsesses over you when you're ovulating and can't think about anything else but fucking a baby into your hips.
+ warnings; mdni, breeding kink, some dumbification
+ an; I literally had this idea in my drafts for a year... 😳
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Maybe he's got a freaky sixth sense, maybe it's just because he's got heightened senses, or maybe there's some scientific studies to back it up; but Gojo can smell when you're ovulating. And it turns him on — of course it does. He has a bigger breeding kink than you do.
"Oh, you're ovulating." he notes after sniffing your skin... and you do a double take like he's insane. Because he is insane — you married a madman.
He pays closer attention to your cycle than you do, reminding you to mark down when you get your period, and coddling you in the days leading up to ovulation.
"Satoru, it's just an estimation." you tell him, but he's got a glow in his eyes when he sees your period tracker app telling him that today's your most fertile day — if he cums in you today, it's basically guaranteed.
He researches positions that help conception, bends and pushes you into them, and fucks you deep with his thick cock, going harder on your poor hole than he normally does — grunting more than he normally does, throbbing more than he normally does... like it just awakens something primal in him, and now he's obsessively fucking you like he has no other purpose but to breed his sweet little wife.
"Nn! Satoruuu!" you whine and paw at his torso, your walls overwhelmed by the pressure of his cock splitting you open.
"Yes babyyy?" he coos, giving you a crooked, blissed-out smile as he tilts his head.
There's sweat dripping off his abs, his pink nipples are hard, his biceps are twitching, and he's running one hand through his dampened white hair as he stills inside you for a moment.
"'s too deep! T-too big!" you moan lewdly, a bit of drool escaping the corner of your mouth.
"...aw, I know I'm just too big for ya, huh?" he coos cockily; hearing you tell him that he's 'too big' never gets old.
He's so determined to give you his baby that he tries everything to increase the chances; staying inside you for 5 minutes after shooting his load in, having you rest with a pillow under your back so your hips are raised — "Gotta help my lil' guys swim." he acts like an idiot about it, but sweetly so. Nothing excites him more than the idea of being a dad, except the idea of fathering your children.
After sex, when the two of you are cleaning up, Satoru feels over and massages your tummy with a small smile on his face. He's lost in thought, hair all messy and face tired like he's run a marathon, hopeful that this time he got you pregnant.
He'll pamper you like his queen, humming and going to the ends of the earth to get you anything you ask for. He really fawns over you when you're ovulating, and lays on the compliments thick while snuggling your neck and creeping his fingers up your thighs — pretty soon he'll sink them inside and stretch you out on them, preparing you for what he cutely calls "baby making" but is actually sweaty, nasty, kinky sex — there's a definite difference in the cute, snuggly sex and the literal breeding sessions no matter how much he plays it off.
"Satoru... my legs are still weak after this morning, give me a break, will you?"
"Aw come on, this is an innocent request... and if babymaking happens, it happens..." he mutters the last part under his breath.
"You're crazy."
But you know you're gonna fall for it after you take one look at his rock-hard, juicy pink, dummy big cock and those breeder balls.
He just beams victoriously when you hop over to him like a little bunny.
Satoru's pushes into you as deep as your pussy allows him, and then some more just to pressure your deepest spot, pinning your wrists down and whispering sultrily into your ear about how well you take him, how beautiful you look, how good it feels to fuck your fertile pussy knowing that he'll most definitely get you pregnant because his cum is perfect; thick and sticky and gooey and pungent, perfect just like he is — the cocky bastard.
When his creampies makes you cum, A-spot pressured with his pulsing tip, he grins so wide that you scold him about it.
"Stop grinning like a psychopath." you pant.
He just looks up at you, face hardly an inch away, and asks a dumb, smiley "D'you feel pregnant?" ... as if it happens so fast.
"Gee, I don't know, we should go again just to make sure — that was a joke, that was a joke! Nn! Satoru!" too late, he's flipping you over and slowly filling you up again.
And oh god Satoru loves sliding back in for round twos. The smell of sex and cum wafting up and hitting his nose just makes him plunge back into your cum-filled little hole with only one thing in mind and that is breeding you 'till you're stuffed to the max.
"Come on, y' gonna be a good wifey for me and get knocked up?" he rasps against your ear, thrusting his cock up into your sensitive spots until his creampies turn into whipped cream, frothed up and milky-white and smeared on your pussy lips.
Like the nasty boy he is (and always has been, even before marriage), Satoru forces your head down and makes you watch him fuck his dummy big cock into you.
"Yeah, watch that cock fill you up... look at all my cum leaking out..." he tuts, "... don't be so wasteful, baby... oh well, 'm gonna fuck it back into you anyways. Come on, let me in deeper — aw, what's wrong?" he coos when you claw at his meaty bicep.
"'toruuu, so deep! Y-you're so fucking deep, I can't think..."
His heart pangs when he hears you complain about being too stuffed, "Oh baby you don't need to think, just lay there and let me put a baby in your sweet pussy — gonna fuck you so dumb, the only name you'll remember is mine."
Of course, he has to get a creampie in every day. Sometimes even a few times a day. Sometimes even at 4 AM, and you swat him for being a horny idiot — but it takes five minutes to give in because you can hear the need in his voice when he whines "Please?" and starts humping against you, "I've got so much cum for you." he tells you and though it sounds so sweet in his soft, bedroom voice it's hard to take him as an innocent man, because his thick boner is grinding hard and hot between your plush lips.
You can bet you'll probably only get to sleep when the birds are chirping, 'cause your hubby's balls are too heavy and full of cum and he needs to drain himself inside you — oh, and you can also bet that afterwards he will be sleeping like a princess, clinging to you with his face snuggled into your tummy.
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