#like. i’ve been TERRIBLE at hiding it but we haven’t talked about it since i was 15

[punkaraoke]

i neeeeeed to actually come out to my parents. help

[evanpeterswhoresblog]

Old Friends

Max Cooperman x f!reader

warnings: smut, unprotected p in v, oral female receiving, soft!dom max, sub!reader, underage drinking, underage smoking, getting high before sex, rough sex, uhhh overall very long and very smutty

summary: after being away at college for a year, your best friend Baja convinces you to go to a fourth of July party at your old friend Max’s house, but little do you know how much Max has changed since the last time you saw him…

word count: 4.5k

a/n: i just watched never back down 1 and 2 last night and omg the glow up evan had before filming the second one is not talked about enough. hope you enjoy my lil fourth of july gift <3 enjoy!!

~~~

“Do you think this looks good?” You ask as you walk out of the bathroom.

You’re at your best friend Baja’s house, the two of you are getting ready for a big fourth of July party. So far, you’ve tried on three different bikinis, none of them standing out to you. Sure, they fit you perfectly and show off the body you worked for, but they just weren’t right.

“Y/N, it looks amazing, like all the other ones too. What’s going on?” Baja answers, a frown on her face.

You met Baja when she transferred into your high school sophomore year, and you’ve been inseparable since. You were by her side through everything. The day her parents decided to call it quits, the day her parents got back together, even the day she started dating Ryan. You never liked him, she knew that. He was crazy, he loved to hurt people. So, when Jake Tyler moved to town and started talking to her, you were thrilled.

He was a decent guy, you enjoyed spending time with him. Plus, it was great seeing her happy again after what Ryan put her through. After they started dating Jake introduced you to his best friend Max and he often hung around with the three of you. Max was a sweet boy. He was chubby and adorable with his little camera. Though the two of you never hung out alone, you still considered him one of your closer friends.

The four of you were sad when high school ended. You had gotten into your dream college that happened to be in a nearby state. It was terrible having to say goodbye to your friends, but you all had phones so it wasn’t like contact would be completely lost. You and Baja would call for hours, sometimes falling asleep on the phone together. On holiday breaks when you’d come home you really only saw her and occasionally Jake, but you didn’t mind.

Tonight, however, is the first party you’re going to in your home town since high school. Since it’s your first summer break from college, Baja thinks it will be a good idea. You know she’s right, but you’re very nervous to see all your old classmates.

“What if people think I’ve gone downhill since we graduated?” You question your friend.

Baja laughs. “I can promise you no one will think that. Look at yourself y/n, you’re stunning.”

“I’m just worried it’ll go bad. I haven’t seen these people in over a year,” you reply with a sigh. You sit down next to her on her bed. “How many people do you think will be there?”

“Well like I said it’s at Max’s house, and his house is pretty big so probably a lot of people.”

“God, I haven’t even seen Max since last summer. How’s he doing?” You ask.

“Well, he’s changed a lot,” she answers with a small laugh. “Trust me when you see him, you’re going to be shocked.”

“What do you mean? Did he finally get taller or something?”

“Yeah, you could say that... But anyways, hurry up and finish picking your outfit we have to leave soon,” she replies, shooing you off the bed and towards her closet.

~~~

When the two of you arrive at Max’s house you feel the anxious butterflies eat away in your stomach. There’s already so many cars in the driveway and on the street. You see a few of your former classmates in the front yard, you hide your face. Baja laughs and finally parks the car. You look at her anxiously.

“Maybe this was a bad idea, how about we just go stay at your place instead?” You speak.

She shakes her head. “Nope, we’re already here. Just relax y/n, it’s going to be super fun.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to go fuck your boyfriend,” you reply with a frown.

“Hey, maybe you’ll find a guy and hook up too,” she says, a smirk on her face. “I bet tons of guys are gonna be all over you looking for a piece of that ass.”

You lightly slap her and groan. “Shut up.”

She only laughs and opens her door. “Come on, we’re already late.”

You groan and open yours too, preparing yourself for what’s coming. You follow Baja into the party, smiling at your old classmates. You recognize most of them, but there’s also new people you don’t think even went to school with you. Loud music flows throughout the house, you can practically feel the beat as you walk. Baja was right, in the few minutes you’ve been inside you’ve already noticed multiple guys checking you out. It makes you wish you worse something more than just jean shorts and a coverup over your bathing suit.

The two of you stop in the kitchen and Baja pours you a shot. You take it without saying anything, it’ll help you with your nerves. The familiar warmth fills your stomach and chest, it feels good. You see Jake approching and you smile, it’s been a few months since the last time you talked. He looks the exact same.

“What’s up y/n? How you been?” He asks after greeting Baja with a kiss.

“Pretty good, how about you?” You reply.

“Amazing.”

“That’s cool, Baja said you were thinking about opening up your own gym soon, that’s great,” you mention, looking back at your best friend.

“I see word travels fast between the two of you,” he says, wrapping his arm around Baja’s shoulders. “But yeah, it’s just an idea right now. It was more Max’s idea actually, have you talked to him yet?”

You shake your head and notice the look Baja and Jake give each other. “I told her she’s gonna be surprised when she sees him.”

“Oh yeah, you should actually go find him and say hi,” Jake says with a smirk.

You look between them suspiciously. “Is this your subtle attempt to get me away so you can go fuck?”

“Yes, entirely, so go,” Baja answers with a laugh, pushing you lightly.

“I hate you,” you say as you begin to walk away from them.

“Love you too!” She exclaims, you don’t bother replying.

You wander through the house searching for Max. You forgot how big his house really was. Even the first floor will probably take you twenty minutes to search. A sigh leaves your lips, where would he be? You look through his living room, cringing at the sight of two girls making out on the couch, a swarm of guys watching and recording. He’s not there, thankfully. You go out to the back yard, so many people are in the pool. But that’s when you spot him.

Baja was right, you’re very surprised. He’s not at all like you remember him. The chubby nerd you once knew is gone and has been replaced by... this. He’s definitely grown a few inches, and his baby fat has been replaced by muscle. The boy who used to refuse taking off his shirt even at the beach is now standing tall, abs out for everyone to see. His hair is shorter and slightly curlier. You can see his sharp jawline from where you’re standing, it’s so prominent. You trail your eyes down his body, lingering on his v-line. You never thought in a million years you’d see Max Cooperman with a v-line and happy trail. You also never thought you’d stare at it so intently.

You shake the thoughts away and walk towards him. He’s still the same Max you knew, you can’t be thinking like this. You’re only a few feet away when he notices you, you can see his eyes light up. It makes you smile.

“Am I dreaming or is it really you y/n?” He asks.

“I could say the same thing about you,” you reply with a laugh as you embrace him in a short hug. “What did college do to you?”

“A lot honestly. I started working out a lot more, lost my fat and replaced it with these guns,” he answers, flexing his biceps.

You laugh again. “At least it hasn’t changed your personality, you still staying behind the scenes?”

“Yeah, I’m always going to be the camera man. How about you though? I bet you’re the most talked about girl on your campus,” he says with a smirk. “I mean seriously wow you look great.”

You can’t help the small blush that appears on your cheeks. “I wouldn’t know, I sorta keep to myself. I mean I go to parties sometimes but most of my time is spent keeping up with my classes.”

“I’m glad college hasn’t changed your personality either. Still the quiet girl during the week days and the party animal on weekends?”

“God no. I was way worse back then. I haven’t gotten shit faced since that party at Baja’s a year or two ago,” you answer.

“I remember that, you threw up all over the backseats of my car,” he laughs.

You cover your face in embarrassment. “Don’t remind me.”

“And remember how I had to carry you in? You were telling me how sad you were to still be a virgin, you asked if Jean from my old gym could do you,” he continues, his laughter only getting louder.

“Stop it,” you say. Your face is so hot, you probably look like a tomato.

Max is about to continue, but a girl comes up to him and laches on to his arm. You don’t know why it makes that unsettling feeling start in your stomach again. You aren’t jealous, he’s like your brother for God’s sake. At least, that’s what you keep having to tell yourself. She gives you a side glance, as if she’s trying to make you feel bad for talking to Max. It almost makes you laugh. She looks familiar, but you can’t put a name to her face.

“You said you’d come swim with me,” she says to him. “Come on.”

Max raises his eyebrows at you before looking back at the girl. “Sorry, just catching up with an old friend. You remember y/n right? We used to go to school together.”

She looks at you again and gasps. “Little y/n? I couldn’t even recognize you, you’ve certainly... changed.”

“Thanks,” you reply. You don’t want to stand here any longer. “I’ll let you guys get back to your swimming, it was nice talking to you Max.”

You give them a smile and turn around, you’re going to try to find Baja and Jake again, hopefully they’re done fucking by now. But before you can even take a step Max grabs your wrist, preventing you from leaving. You look back at him over your shoulder, the girl next to him looks pissed, he doesn’t seem to care though because his eyes are locked on you.

“How about after this we go hot box my car? You know, like we used to?’ He suggests.

“I’d love to,” you say. The girl looks furious, it makes you happy. “See you in a bit.”

He grins and let's go of your wrist, finally giving his attention back to the girl on his arm. You walk back towards his house, your hearts racing. Since when did Max Cooperman make your heart race? You look over your shoulder again when you’re at his back doors and much to your surprise he’s already looking at you. You quickly look away, what’s going on?

~~~

Max finds you after about a half hour and the two of you make your way into his garage, weed in hand. Thankfully, no one’s in the garage. Even though it’s not your weed, you’d hate to have to share with a bunch of other people. He unlocks his car and opens the passenger side for you, you chuckle and push him away but get inside anyway. He quickly gets in the driver's side and starts to unpack all his stuff.

You watch as he packs the bowl effortlessly. He used to struggle with it to the point that he’d ask you or Jake to do it for him. Now though, he gets it done within minutes. He offers you the first hit and you gladly accept, taking the bowl and lighter in your hands instantly. You light it and take a big hit, passing the bowl to Max while it’s still lit. Your lungs burn a bit, but you don’t mind. You blow the smoke out in one long breath, filling up the car with the stench of weed.

“That’s some good shit,” you say as Max takes his hit.

He nods and hands the bowl back to you when he’s done. “Stole it from my dad, he’s gets it from some high end dealer.”

“No shit?” You say before taking your second hit.

“Yeah, it’s great.”

You blow out the smoke for a second time and hand the bowl back to him. “I already feel it, God damn.”

“It’s pretty strong, you should wait before taking another hit. Unless it’s a small one. I’d hate for you to throw up in my car again,” he replies. You scoff and push his shoulder, making him break out into laughter. You can’t help but join in.

You feel fantastic. Perfect even. You let your head fall back against the headrest, your whole body feeling lighter. You close your eyes, a big smile on your lips. Max starts to talk again, but you don’t bother listening. You're too caught up in this amazing feeling. He taps your shoulder after a few seconds though and you sigh, tingles shooting throughout your whole body at the simple contact.

“Y/N are you listening?” He asks.

You roll your head to the side so you’re looking at him. “Touch me again, it feels so good.”

“What?”

“My body... it feels like it needs to be touched. Did you give me like Viagra weed?” You question.

“I don’t know does sativa usually make you horny?” He laughs.

You shrug. “Maybe. I haven’t smoked in a minute. Can you put on the radio or something?”

He nods and puts his keys in the ignition, turning them so the radio starts to play. You sit up and start to flick through the channels before settling on a relaxing song. You sigh and lean back, your head facing Max again. You watch as he takes another hit, he looks sexy doing it. You shake your head at the thought, Max is one of your best friends you can’t call him sexy, even if it’s in your own head.

When he’s done, he puts the bowl down and leans back. He turns his head to you and your eyes meet. Your heart rate increases. He has this look in his eyes, one you never thought you’d see from him. His eyes are so dark, so full of lust. You swallow but can’t bear to break the eye contact.

“Who was that girl?” You ask, breaking the silence but not the tension. “She your girlfriend or something?”

“No, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize her. That was Jenifer, you know, the one who used to make fun of me,” he answers.

“So, why was she hanging on to you like that?”

He smirks. “What are you jealous?”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” you reply, deflecting his question.

“And that doesn’t answer mine.”

You look away for a split second and shrug. “Should I be?”

“I’d like you to be. But she’s nothing, just one of the many girls from this town who’ve suddenly become interested in me after I decided to change up my looks,” he answers.

You feel ashamed. Are you one of those girls now? You can admit, if Max still looked how he did before you don’t know if you’d be having these feelings for him. Part of you believes you would though, just because of how flirty he is, he’s been like that since the two of you met all those years ago. You look down at your lap, not knowing what else to do.

“Did I say something wrong?” He asks after a few seconds.

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I just... I don’t want you to think I’m one of those girls too. I mean am I really attracted to you now? Yes. But I’ve always been attracted to your personality too. I’m sorry, you just are so fucking hot now it’s hard but-”

You’re cut off by Max’s lips crashing on to yours. You forget about what you were saying and kiss him back instantly, your hands moving up to grip his soft curls. The kiss is rough and full of pent-up sexual tension. You part your lips and let his tongue roam your mouth, it makes your body ignite. One of his hands moves down your body, eventually resting on your hip. The other one cups your cheek, his thumb caressing your skin gently.

He pulls back after a minute and the two of you stare into each other's eyes once again. Your breathing is heavy, your cheeks are flushed, and your lips are swollen. You haven’t been kissed like that in a long time.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked first, but I just needed to show you that you aren’t anything like those other girls. I’ve always wanted you y/n, I just never thought I had a chance,” he explains softly.

You twirl one of his curls around one of your pointer fingers and chuckle. “Oh Max, if you asked me out I most likely would’ve said yes.”

“I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but at this point since we don’t even talk that much I don’t care. I want you y/n, so bad. Even if it’s just for tonight, even if we never talk again after, let me have you right now,” he whispers.

“I’m yours for the taking,” you reply and before you have a second to think he crashes his lips to yours again.

The kiss is even rougher this time. His hands roam your body freely, cupping your breasts, your ass, everything. You let him pull you over the center console and into his lap, though the two of you laugh at the slight struggle. It’s a tight squeeze, but it works. You straddle him as the kiss continues, his hips grinding up into yours. You slightly moan at the feeling of his bulge brushing against your clothed clit. Your arms wrap around his neck and you hold him tight, the feeling of your bodies against each other sending tingles throughout your entire body.

You break the kiss after a couple minutes to remove your coverup, your bikini now the only thing covering your breasts. Max smirks and lifts his hands up to the back of your neck, pulling the string that’s holding up your bikini until it comes undone. He does the same with the other string and throws your bikini on to the passenger seat. He doesn’t try to hide his stare; it makes your face heat up again.

Before you can say anything, he leans forward and takes one of your nipples in his mouth. You sigh from the pleasure it gives you. Your body falls back against the steering wheel, luckily not hitting the horn. You feel his tongue swirl around your nipple, it makes you throw your head back. He moves between both of your nipples for a few minutes before moving on to kiss and suck the rest of your breasts.

“Can we move to the back?” He asks suddenly, his lips still on your skin.

“Yeah,” you answer breathlessly before climbing off him and between the two front seats to get to the back.

He’s too big to climb through, so he gets out of the car and goes through one of the back doors instead. He lays you down on the seats and continues his kisses on your breasts. He trails his kisses down your stomach, your navel, until he’s at the point where your skin ends and your jean shorts start. Your eyes meet his and he gives you a smirk that sends warmth to the pit of your stomach. He unbuttons your shorts and you lift your hips to help him pull them down your body, leaving you only in your bikini bottoms.

He presses soft kisses to your inner thighs, making the wet spot in your bottoms even more noticeable. You move up so half your back is pressed against the car door, mostly to give Max more room, but also because you want to watch him. He sucks on the skin of your thighs, leaving behind a few hickeys as proof. His hands wrap around your thighs as well and he pulls them up so that your legs are bent and his head is now stuck between them.

His hands then move to the two strings on your hips that are holding your bathing suit bottoms in place. He pulls them at the same time until they both come undone, then he takes off your body, leaving you completely naked. His eyes are on yours as he moves his head down and finally connects his mouth to your soaking cunt.

You moan, your head hitting the car door as you throw it back. He licks and sucks your clit perfectly; he’s definitely done this before. When he moves his tongue down to your entrance, teasingly moving it in and out, his nose brushes your clit. Your thighs squeeze around his head, you lift your hips for more pressure. It feels so good, too good. Only five minutes go by and you can feel your orgasm approaching, you pull at his hair.

“Max- you should stop before I- before I cum,” you say, your breath ragged.

“Don’t you want to?” He asks after lifting his head.

“I want this to last longer, I don’t want it to be over yet,” you answer.

He smiles. “Who said it would be over after you cum once?”

Before you can reply he moves his head back down and continues his precious licks. You come undone within three minutes. He doesn’t stop, even as you cum. Your orgasm takes over your whole body, it makes you feel euphoric.

When he’s sure you're finished, he wipes his mouth on your thigh and moves back so he’s sitting on one of the seats. He removes his bathing suit before grabbing your ankles and pulling your body so you’re laid down on the seats. He climbs over you and meets your eyes for the hundredth time tonight.

“Are you on the pill?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it okay if I cum in you or do you still want me to pull out?”

Your stomach does a flip at his words. He’s the first guy to ask that after finding out you’re on the pill. You’ve never adored anyone more than him in this moment.

“You can do it inside,” you reply.

Max nods before pressing his lips to yours. You can taste yourself on his lips, it only makes you more turned on. You wrap your arms around his back, holding him close to you as he starts to rub his dick between your soaked folds. You bite down on your lips as his tip rubs against your clit, it feels incredible. But you want him inside you more. He must know this, because he positions himself at your entrance after a few seconds and starts to slowly move inside you.

He starts off with slow thrusts, helping you adjust to his size. Even with his slow pace you can’t help but bite down on his shoulder, the feeling of him inside you making your toes curl. Once you give him the okay, he starts to move faster, and after minutes he’s fucking you hard. You’re a moaning mess, your nails scratching down his back as he pounds into you harshly. Each thrust makes your eyes practically roll back into your skull, they’re so hard, so deep.

The air inside the car is warm, the windows fogged up. You know if anyone were to walk into the garage, they’d see it shaking. You almost scream when he starts to suck your neck, he finds your sweet spot quickly and settles on it. You touch his now sweaty curls and close your eyes, this is the best sex you’ve ever had, you don’t want it to ever end.

“Baby, I want you to ride me till I cum,” he whispers, his hot breath on your ear. “Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

He moves your position so that he’s sitting and you're straddling him, like you did in the front seat. You don’t waste a second to begin moving up, down, back, and forth on his dick, riding him the way you know guys like it. You watch his head fall back on the seat, your name leaving his lips in a voice that almost makes you cum right then and there. His hands grip your ass tight; you love the way it stings.

You kiss his lips, his jaw, his neck, each sound that leaves him a reward. Your second orgasm is approaching, you feel the tightening in your stomach. You hold back though; you want to feel him finish before you. Thankfully, your silent request comes sooner than you thought.

“Just like that, don’t stop, I’m gonna cum,” he mumbles. His eyes are closed and his head is still resting on the seat, you swear he’s the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. “I’m so close- so fucking close.”

“Cum in me baby,” you say, and he does.

The feeling of his dick pulsing inside you is the last thing you can take, you let your orgasm take over too, the both of you cumming at the same time. You’re out of breath but you keep riding him until you’re positive he’s completely done. Once he is, you get off him and fall back on to the seat next to him. You’re sweaty and tired. You open the door next to you and breathe in the fresh air, it’s refreshing.

“Now two of your fluids have been on my backseat, that’s cool right?” Max says to break the silence.

You laugh. “Can you shut the fuck up?”

“Can I not be happy that your vomit and your cum has been where we’re sitting?”

“Please stop before more of my vomit is on your seats.”

“We should go swim, the fireworks are gonna start soon,” he mentions. You look at him and see he’s already redressing. He meets your eyes and pauses. “Unless you want to stay here which is fine too.”

“No, no, I want to go I just need a second, that was a workout,” you reply.

He grins and hands you back your clothing items, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Whatever you want y/n.”

~~~

The two of you are in the pool when Baja and Jake finally find you.

“So, you guys are acquainted again?” Baja asks as she lowers herself into the pool.

You and Max share a look before you answer her. “Yeah, you can say that.”

[dearharriet]

"you're really red right now." with george weasley? and congrats on 150! 🥳

thank you sm for the request! <3 (wc: 851)

Swinging under the restricted access rope, you climb the stairs to the twins’ annex two at a time. Behind you, the store is mostly quiet, except for Fred’s loud singing as he feeds the pygmy puffs.

The banister is creaky when you lean on it, so you’re sure George can hear you coming. His door is open, so you let yourself in, announcing yourself with a rap on the stained pine trim.

“Fred says you’re hiding, but I can’t imagine what from,” you say instead of hello. “Certainly not me, I hope?”

George glances away from his books, halfway through a bite of takeaway. His mouth stills its chewing as he blinks owlishly at you. His hair is all askew, likely from tugging at it in concentration, and he has a tiny speck of sauce on his chin. You’d probably find it embarrassing if you didn’t like him so much.

“Sorry, hello,” you amend, realizing you caught him unawares. He remains frozen, though his jaw starts working to rid itself of the food that’s keeping him silent.

“Hi,” he ekes out, “on your break, are you?”

You hum affirmatively, coming around his desk to converse more privately with him.

“Yeah, and I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this idea I have for a product we could release near Christmas,” you ramble, leaning a hip against his desk and crossing your arms. George is staring up at you like you’re a star he’s never seen before. “A red-hot cocoa. We could infuse dragon peppers into the mix—to make it really spicy, yknow?”

George doesn’t look too convinced. If anything, he looks like he hasn’t heard you at all.

“I know it’s sort of similar to flaming fudge, but I thought the effect of making it themselves might add intrigue for customers,” you continue, starting to feel a little bit embarrassed.

Silence stretches just long enough to be uncomfortable, emphasized by an especially loud zzzzzziiiiiip from downstairs.

Biting your lip, you wince. “George?”

He blinks, seeming to come alive again, somewhat.

“Did you do something to your hair?” he asks out of the blue.

You frown. “You didn’t hear what I said, did you?”

To his credit, George looks terribly guilty in the face of your accusation. He takes it in stride, too, despite being every color of wrong.

“Is that what you were telling me about?” he asks.

Sighing, you take his loosened tie and shake it around in teasing frustration. There was a time when doing something as familiar as that would make you feel unprofessional, but you know better now.

“No. I was telling you about my idea for a new product.”

George’s mouth opens and closes silently, searching for words. He looks hot around the collar, from embarrassment or flustering or both. You like to tease him like this, because upon meeting him, he didn’t seem the type to be fazed by flirting at all.

Feeling maniacal, you take the opportunity to wipe away the food still on his chin, letting your touch linger a hair longer than necessary. The color in George’s neck shoots up to his pale cheeks, giving him the hue of a ripe strawberry.

“Merlin, George,” you muster through a grin, “you’re really red right now.”

He ducks his head then, ardently avoiding any inch of you he can. Cursing, he presses the backs of his hands to his cheeks to cool them.

“Sorry.” He steals a glance at you, his brows furrowed in what might be confusion. “Remind me what your idea was?”

You accommodate him, running the idea past him again, with more confidence this time. You don’t mind wasting your break away talking, at least not with George.

“Hot cocoa,” he repeats, rubbing his chin. You weren’t expecting a promotion or anything, but his mild response worries you. “We could workshop it together, yeah?”

“Sure,” you say, nerves winding tight in your chest. “If you’re not too busy.”

“Honestly, I haven’t done any work since an hour ago,” he admits. “Is it busy downstairs?”

You strain to listen past George’s office, down the stairs in the popular shop. It’s easy to make out the fizzing lightning effects and the siren-like sounds that engulf the love potion display, but any real crowd bustle is absent.

“Hardly,” you say.

George pushes up from his chair, making for his door. “Good,” he says, “we can start now.”

He closes the heavy door, and then retrieves a cauldron and hauls it over to his desk. Before he sets it down, though, he holds it up in front of your face.

“In case you were wondering why I thought you did something to your hair,” he explains, “it’s because someone did something to your hair.”

In the warped reflection on the brass cauldron you can see yourself—and your flaming pink hair.

“Merlin, I look like Tonks.”

George laughs at that, dropping the heavy basin onto the rich mahogany table. He doubles back to his shelves again to collect some ingredients.

“Any idea who did it?” he prompts.

You roll your eyes.

“Yeah. He looks a lot like you.”

+

thank you for reading! xx

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[geowrites03]

An ounce of regret

Teen Titans!Dick Grayson x Wilson!Reader

I FINALLY MADE A PART TWO TO SLADE’S DAUGHTER!

Part 2 of Slade’s Daughter

Summary: While looking for her father y/n gets caught by some of her mothers henchmen. Now the Titans and Slade have to work together to get her back.

Robin’s POV~

It’s been 336 hours, two weeks, since y/n and i fought. 335 hours since she left for good and destroyed all my information on finding her father. 334 hours and 40 minutes since the Titans found out. 334 hours and 20 minutes since we all lashed out at each other. 333 since we all decided to calm down and talk it through. And 332 hours and 35 minutes since we came to the conclusion of disbanding.

The Titans were already treading on thin ice with each other for some weird reasons nobody could really remember. Guess y/n leaving was finally the straw that broke the camels back, the thing to make the whole team collapse. She was the glue holding this team together, without her? We all fall apart.

I wish I could take back some- no, all of the words I said to her. I feel terrible and I just want her back in my arms and back with the team, eating victory pizza, or playing video games and getting interrupted by villains terrorising Jump City.

I hate the reason I even got petty and started the fight. All because she wants her fathers tracker back in her arm so he can protect her. I should have just put it back in without being an asshole, I know her farther can protect her better than me, but I let my pride and ego get in the way.

I’ve been trying to get ahold of the trackers coordinates, at least to see if she was somewhere safe, but it seems that Slade must have encrypted it somehow. Either that or something terribly bad has happened to her. I couldn’t imagine her being in any serious trouble, in need of help, and I can barely do anything.

The security system went off as the tower’s main computer received a call. I pressed the answer button.

“Slade…”

“Hello, Robin. It’s been awhile.”

“Where’s y/n? Why isn’t her tracker working?”

“That’s what I called for. Y/n’s seems to have been destroyed. I think her mother has her.”

“Then why haven’t you done anything!?”

“Because, as much as I hate to say this… I will need the Titans’ help. Her mother has requested help from Red X, and now they’re working together.”

“I’ll get the others. When are we going to save her?”

“Meet me at this location in one hour.”

He sent the coordinates and I forwarded them to the Titans, explaining that we need to help get y/n back.

~

We all met at the location that was sent out. The Titans didn’t seem like talking to me, but Raven asked what we were going to do to get her back. I didn’t tell the about Slade yet so they were all shocked when cut my answer off as appeared from the shadows.

“We need to infiltrate m/n’s base.” He continued to explain the plan to us as we were scouting out the base from our hiding spot across the road from the base.

~

Our plan of sneaking in and quietly taking y/n without minimal fighting guards had failed so far. Beast Boy and Cyborg high-fived too loud when we got to the room that y/n tied up on a chair in.

The high-five alerted all of the guards and they were closing in around us. We all started fighting, I quickly knocked out someone as a different person caught my attention.

Red X came running toward me and tackled me to the ground. I punched his nose and kicked him off of me. We both immediately got back up and continued fighting. Luckily for us his gadgets weren’t working because he is out of the power supply for them.

With one last uppercut he fell to the ground and my sight locks in on y/n. I rush over to her side to untie her but my hands went through her and her body started glitching. It’s a hologram.

y/n’s POV~

I readied my bow and aimed at Robin I then signaled to RedX that I was locked on Robin and ready to take the shot. He jumped down to the rest of the Titans ready to attack but a sword pierced his torso.

Since when was my dad willing to work with the Titans? I gasp and accidentally fired my bow, the arrow going through Robins shoulder. Shit! I quickly ran into another room and threw my bow on the ground in frustration.

A figure came through another door with their arms crossed, she shook her head and spoke, “I’m disappointed, you had the shot on him, on the boy who hurt you, why did you miss. If you were truly my daughter you wouldn’t have missed.”

“No, no. Please I’m still your daughter, let me make it up to you. Please. Don’t stop being my mother. I need you to be here, what can I do to make it up to you?” She looked at me with disgust.

“You can stop whining like a little bitch for starters. Look how desperate not having a mother made you, you’ll do anything just for me not to abandon you again.” She chuckled and threw a knife at my head.

I dodged the knife and caught it, I threw it to the other side of the room as she got into a fighting stance. l didn’t want to fight, I got into a defensive stance. She swung at my face but I blocked it, she then tried to kick my legs out from underneath me but I blocked that too.

“Mother, please. Stop!” She punched my eye then kicked my ankle. I let out a loud scream as she stabbed me in the stomach. She pulled out the knife and pushed me to the ground as the door got kicked down.

“Don’t you dare hurt my daughter.” My father was the first to enter the room and lunge at my mother. The Titans were in fighting positions ready to assist, besides Robin who instantly ran to me and kneeled at my side.

“Y/n, hey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry my love.” He ripped off a bit of his cape and held it on my stab wound. He wrapped his other arm around my shoulders. “I am so sorry. I wish I could take back what I said. I’m sorry I love you so much.” He kissed my cheek and I smiled up at him.

I went to apologise for the things I said but he shushed me. “Save your energy.” I looked down and saw that I had lost a fair bit of blood, a puddle on the ground where I was laying and on Robin’s suit. His green glove had almost completely turned red, I let out a really faint chuckle.

“Hey, stay with me now.” My vision was darkening and he looked into my eyes. I smiled up at him as my vision fully clouded into black.

~

I woke up later in my father’s safe-house. I was in the med room and he was checking my vitals next to me.

“Thankfully, you are my daughter, so you healed rather quickly. I’m glad you okay.” He gave me a hug. “The Titans are at the tower if you want to go now.”

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t you want me at a closer distance now?”

“I trust you’ll be safe with them. Mainly Robin.”

~

I walk out of the elevator in the tower and immediately greeted by hugs and warm welcomes. I look at Robin and smile, a tear ran down my cheek and he wiped it with his thumb. He kissed me on the lips, disgusted sounds came from the other Titans as well all walked to the large sofa.

[ng-scanlations]

Bloody Roar 2 V-Jump book bio: Shina

Two souls intertwining

“Hey, hey, dad. Um… y’know, I…. have something to ask you.” “What is it Jeanne?” “Well, my real dad and mom are in heaven right?” “Ah, yes that’s right. What’s the matter? Have you been feeling lonely?” “Mm mmh, I’m fine! Cause I’ve got you dad. Err… anyway, that’s not what I was talking about. What I mean to ask is… dad, I was wondering how you found me. Yeah, that’s it.” “You mean the first time you and I met each other? How terrible, have you really forgotten?” “-I didn’t forget! But… y’know, … uhhh…. yeah ok, sorry…” “No need to apologize. You were so little back then; it can’t be helped that you don’t remember. Besides, your question isn’t entirely accurate. It wasn’t that I found you, it was more like you found me.” “Eh?! That can’t be true! I mean, I was super tiny then right? I couldn’t’ve done something like that! Dad, you gotta be lying.” “I wouldn’t lie to you. Without your parents around, you were left in the care of the church. You really don’t remember do you?” “Hmm…. uhh….” “You were quite the rascal you know. You didn’t pray, you ate your food with your hands, you rode the next door neighbor’s dog like a horse and pulled on its fur. You also didn’t listen to the priest and sisters at all, and when they tried to punish you after having been so exasperated, you’d kick up a huge fuss gnashing your teeth and scratching at them….. Well, I wonder if you still have those bad behaviors even now.” “N-no way! …. So, dad, you didn’t like me then…”

“There was nothing to like or dislike. Like I said, you were the one who found me. I just happened to be visiting the church that day and you jumped onto me all of a sudden you know. I was surprised but the priest even more so. You, who never let anyone, not even the people you were around everyday, get close to you, had come face-to-face with me in a tight hug. The sisters hurriedly tried to pull you off, but you clung too tightly for us to be separated. ‘Let her do what she wants.’ I pleaded. I thought that eventually you would get tired and let go… I underestimated your stubbornness. Not only did you not let go after such a long time, but you also started to doze off into a sound sleep. The priest must have felt there was something going on between us; he said he wanted to consult with me regarding your future. And so, with you still biting and clinging to me, it was decided that we would leave the church together.” “…. Must’ve been annoying huh….” “Jeanne, you haven’t been listening. Not a day has gone by since that day where you have been a nuisance to me. About your parents, what we just talked about…. I’ve told you the whole truth. And do you know why? It’s because I don’t want to be the kind of father who lies and hides things from his daughter. What parent wouldn’t be happy to be hugged by their own child? Ever since that day, I have been the happiest father in the world.” “Really?” “What did I just say? I would never lie to my daughter.” “…..….. Well then…” “What is it?” “Well then, see ya next time. Oh, can I have a big hug? With you dad. Y’know, just like the first time we met!” “Hmm, what’s going on here I wonder… This young lady seems to have gained a considerable amount of weight recently for a 7-year-old, hasn’t she?” “Ooohhhh, you’re such a jerk dad!”

[skylarmoon71]

Matt Murdock (Daredevil) - Chapter 9

“He tried to kiss me and I ran like a coward!” 

You wail.

From the moment you’d slammed the door in his face, he sort of assumed it had to do with your nerves. It was endearing. Especially since you’d texted him the following morning with several apologies.

“I’m sure he knows you well enough to understand. It might be better if you just told him that you don’t have any experience. You’re just nervous.” Daredevil explains.

Of course you contemplated it, but that seems even more daunting than trying to kiss him.

“I wish you were a girl, then we could practice.”

He’s not sure what to say to that. Is there a right response to such a statement?

“I’m..sorry?”

“It’s okay, can’t blame you for that.”

You go back to snacking on your gummies, apparently this is your comfort food.

When you start to fidget, he gets the feeling that you have more to say.

“You know I’ve always wanted a hickey. The girls used to gush about it. I was always envious.”

He’s not really sure when he became your girl talk confidant. Even for him this still feels a bit like an intrusion.

Yet, for a moment he can imagine it. Your pulse racing as he presses you to the couch. The heat of your skin as he marks you. Your shaky breath as you beg for more.

“I need to leave.”

The imagery was a bit too much, especially for his heightened senses.

“I have faith in you.”

With that he’s out the window. You’re so caught up in your rantings that you don’t pay much mind to how quickly he’d bolted.

~

“Foggy, you’re out of gummies!”

“That’s because you eat all of them.”

“I do not!!”

You’re rummaging his cabinets, but he’s fresh out. Foggy walks out of the bathroom, hair still dripping.

“Hah, you look like a wet dog”

He throws the towel and it hits you in the face. You toss it back and Foggy just laughs.

“So, since it’s just the two of us, what’s going on with you and Matt?”

You’re as stiff as a board.

“W-What do you mean? D-Did he say something?”

“He told me you both went out on a date last Saturday.”

It’s not like you were really hiding it from Foggy. He’s just been so busy with his new girlfriend that you haven’t had a chance.

“Well I sort of maybe asked him out and he said yes so we went on one date.”

“You dog!!”

“Don’t tease me, Foggy!!”

He just grins, as you move to his bed, dropping onto it.

“I really like him, but he tried to kiss me and I ran away as if he had a terrible disease.”

“Oh dude, that’s rough.”

“I know. He said it was fine and we’ve been talking as usual but I feel like he’s not going to try again because he thinks I don't want it. It’s not my fault my parents kept me barricaded like fort knox.”

“Hah, it's funny because it’s true.”

You glare.

“Not helping Foggy.”

“Right, sorry. Honestly just tell him. Matt’s a pretty cool guy, he’ll understand. If you need a kissing partner just say the word.” He puckers his lips leaning in and you laugh, pushing him away.

“Ewww, gross stop it Foggy!!”

He’s laughing along with you. When the door opens Matt steps in to the sound of your laughter.

“Is he trying to tickle you again?” Matt asks playfully.

“No, he’s trying to kiss me!!” You’re still laughing loudly and Matt smiles.

“I don’t know how I feel about you trying to kiss my girlfriend Foggy.”

It’s a playful jab, but you both pause, mid wrestle.

“Girlfriend..”

Your voice is a mix of surprise and elation. You practically kick Foggy off the bed. He grunts when he connects with the floor and you shoot upright.

“Really! I’m your girlfriend?!”

Matt is still processing Foggy on the ground.

“Yes. At least I was hoping. I guess I should have just asked you directly instead of assuming.” He rubs the back of his neck a bit shyly.

“Will you be my girlfriend (Y/N)?”

“Of course! Oh my goodness you don’t even have to ask.” You hug him happily and he smiles, returning it.

“That’s all nice and romantic but I think I broke something.”

“Walk it off.” You call.

“Are you sure you want that monster as a girlfriend Matt!”

You pull away with a glare and Foggy knows that look when you rush at him. With a lift of your elbow, you dive at him.

“W-Wait (Y/N) don’t-”

“JOHN CENA!!”

The crash echoes and so does Foggy’s cry of pain. 

[my-head-is-an-animal]

What She Deserves

Toby Ziegler x OFC (Kaitlin Stone)

Rating/Warnings: Implied Domestic/Sexual Abuse, Some Depictions of Violence, Smut 18+

Summary: Kaitlin Stone works with CJ, Toby has loved her for eight years, since the beginning of the campaign trail. Kaitlin's abusive boyfriend is the only thing standing in his way from getting what he wants and giving her what she deserves.

Chapter 32

Dinner with my parents had been strange. They talked about their trip to Europe and all the things they had seen, but they kept coming back to me and what was going on in my life.

     I told them about my sessions with Dr Whitmore and about my new apartment, some of the things I was thinking of doing with it, I even told them about how well I had done in California. But after I told them everything, it felt like they were still waiting.

     I had a very good idea of what might have happened. I didn’t anticipate them coming to the White House, but apparently they’d phoned Ashley, and she had sorted them out with an appointment that got them to my office.

     The weekend spent with them was great, my dad loved DIY and I wanted to put up some hooks near the front door, as well as get a new set of drawers built in my bedroom. He took care of everything while my mom took me out shopping for some new clothes for work. I was struggling to keep up with my washing loads, and it seemed easier to just buy some new things.

     We had a great time, but they were jetting off again to South America and needed to catch a flight early Monday morning.

     I kept an eye on the flight when I got to work, making sure it took off and would eventually land safely.

     ‘You’re here early.’ Toby said, curiously watching me from the doorway. ‘What are you watching?’ He pointed at the tv.

     ‘My parents are flying to Brazil, I’m just watching the flight to make sure it lands safely.’ I said, taking my glasses off. ‘I know why I’m here early, but what are you doing here?’

     ‘I’ve got a meeting with the Vice President’s Chief of Staff.’ Toby shrugged, adjusting his coffee cup.

     ‘He in trouble?’

     Toby smirked. ‘You wanna watch me tear into him?’

     ‘As hot as that sounds, I’ve got work to do.’ I laughed, shaking my head.

     ‘How did it go? With your parents?’ Toby stared at the floor for a moment.

     ‘Okay.’ I said, taking my glasses off again and giving my full attention to Toby. ‘I’m not stupid and my parents are not very good at hiding things – do not tell them any secrets you’d like to keep, they’re terrible at keeping things to themselves. They’ll never hold up under questioning.’

     ‘Okay, I’ll bear that in mind.’ Toby frowned, unsure of where this was going.

     ‘I know you met them when they were here.’ I watched Toby’s expression turn to something very guilty. He went to explain himself. ‘I’m not angry,’ I cut him off. ‘Of course, when they got an appointment to see me, there was always going to be a risk of the three of you bumping into each other, but I really didn’t anticipate when they asked me about my personal life, that I would continue to remain silent about us.’ I let a heavy breath go. ‘You make me happy, Toby.’

     ‘Good.’

     ‘I just don’t know why I feel the need to keep everything so secret, or why I feel worried that people will find out.’

     Toby stepped all the way into my office, closing the door gently behind him. ‘Would you like me to answer? Or is it rhetorical?’

     ‘I’d like an answer if you have one.’ I said, weakly.

     ‘Okay,’ Toby stepped forwards. ‘What are we?’

     I went to answer, but nothing came out.

     ‘And that’s why you feel the need to keep everything a secret,’ he said, gently. ‘You haven’t figured out what you want yet, which is fine, by the way.’

     ‘I know it’s fine.’

     ‘Do you?’ Toby half laughed. ‘Seriously, do you know it’s fine?’

     I had no answers again.

     ‘Kaitlin, despite what I want, I’m not your boyfriend.’ He said, kindly. ‘If you want that to change, you’re allowed to say, but equally you’re allowed to say “I don’t know”. Both are valid answers, both are acceptable to me right now.’

     ‘You’re seriously fine with me saying I don’t know what I want?’ I shook my head in disbelief.

     ‘Of course, I’m fine with it.’ Toby shot back. ‘Kaitlin, I know what I want, I know where I want this to go, I know what I want us to be, but you haven’t decided yet. You’re still figuring things out and that’s fine, all I’m asking is to be kept in the loop.’

     I inhaled through my nose and sighed outwards. ‘What if I never figure it out?’

     ‘You will.’

     ‘What if I don’t?’

     ‘You will.’

     ‘Toby!’

     ‘Kaitlin, you will figure it out.’ He said, firmly. ‘You will.’

     ‘How do you know?’

     ‘Because, I know you!’ He snapped, before taking a calming breath. ‘I know you.’ He said much more composed. ‘You’re the most beautiful, brave and intelligent woman I have ever had the privilege to know, you’ve figured out harder things than this. And in case you forgot, you ready told me what you wanted from your life. All I’m asking is for you to decide if you still want it.’

     I frowned. He couldn’t have known what it was I wanted from my life, I didn’t even know. So how could I have told him?

     ‘I told you I’m a good listener,’ he answered my unspoken question. ‘And when it comes to the things you say, I remember everything.’

     Toby was clearly wound up with the conversation, more so when I couldn’t remember what I’d told him. He left to get to work and I decided to do the same. It was going to be a long day as it was.

We went another two months without having the crucial conversation that was still hanging over us. We went to dinner nearly every week, sometimes it was just a trip down to the mess for twenty minutes, but I was enjoying the time spent with Toby, I liked getting to know him and making him laugh.

     I’d been questioned by Josh, CJ and Donna on what was going on between us, but denied anything more than friends, they seemed disappointed, but I tried not to focus on that. It seemed that everyone wanted Toby and I to be together.

     I spent the weekends I had free, either hanging out with Toby, or just trying to think on what it was I wanted out of whatever this was.

     I was in love with him, there was no denying that, I liked spending time with him, he made me laugh, he made me happy when I thought about him. I loved the moments spent inside my apartment, getting close, feeling his passion in every way I was ready for.

     One night in particular stood out as unique though, we’d gone to a place that was a bit more upscale, and it was a good opportunity for me to wear a new evening dress that I was excited about. A black, cocktail dress, made from a silk like material, it was sleeveless and perfect for the spring weather.

     Toby loved it. He kept asking if it made me happy and joked that it was on the keep list, unlike the red dress I’d worn at new year.

     Dinner was great, we drank wine and tried some new food, we only talked about work for a few minutes, the rest was all personal. I caught Toby’s eyes drifting every so often, he tried to hide it, but the second it was commented on, he didn’t bother to hide his admiration of me.

     I couldn’t explain how much I used to hate when men looked at me like that, but with Toby, I loved it. I loved the way he would look at me, I wondered about what went through his mind when he did.

     Whatever his thoughts, I wanted to be a part of them.

     We got to talking about work once more and Toby came up to my apartment to finish the conversation. It got a little heated for a moment, we disagreed on the way an argument should have been presented, but I wasn’t backing down on it. Toby eventually gave in and promised we’d return to the subject back in the office. I was ready for that.

     Before he left, I felt his passion once again, pressed up against my kitchen island. Why was he such a good kisser? I loved the way his hands wrapped around my waist, I loved the way he hummed his approval when I pressed my hips up into him.

     Toby had stopped before it got to be too much for the both of us.

     ‘I don’t want you to stop.’ I whispered, not quite of my own accord.

     Toby smiled into another kiss. ‘I don’t have to.’ He whispered back. ‘If that’s what you really want?’

     He kissed me lightly and gently, but we could both feel my nervousness creeping in once again.

     Toby slowed down all the way, he knew what was going on in my head, he knew he needed to stop, but once again, there was no annoyance at my decision. He was far too good for me.

     The next day, Toby was sweet, he caught me before I got to my office, and we went for breakfast. He seemed like he was in a good mood, but I couldn’t quite understand why.

     ‘Because you told me something you wanted.’ He said, smiling. ‘And even though you made it clear you’re still not ready…’ he chuckled to himself. ‘I liked hearing that.’

     I felt my cheeks getting warm, I was really trying not to smile too widely.

     Thinking on the night before, I had a clear thought in my mind. I leaned forward and lowered my voice a little so Toby knew this wasn’t for anyone else to hear.

     ‘I’m ready to talk about us.’ I said, watching his eyes soften and warm as he looked at me.

     ‘Okay.’ He smiled.

     ‘You wanna come over tonight?’

     ‘I do.’ He replied immediately, making us both laugh.

     ‘Okay.’ I nodded, finishing my coffee. ‘Until then, I’ve got real work to do.’

     ‘Real work?’ Toby teased. ‘You don’t think what I do is real work?’

     ‘What sitting around yelling at people when you feel like it and writing poetry for the President to say?’ I said, playfully.

     ‘You see straight through me.’ Toby smiled.

     ‘Be glad I’m the only one who does.’ I checked the time. ‘I have a meeting soon. Can I trust that at some point during the day you will yell at me for something?’

     ‘If I feel like it.’ Toby joked, standing up with me.

     He walked me back to my office, we spoke about what the day ahead had in store and it didn’t look to be that bad, but something would come up.

     I spent most of the day in my office or in the briefing room or helping CJ prepare for her briefings. There was a lot going on, so she was taking to the podium a lot more than usual. I didn’t mind being out to one side, it was part of the job.

     At one point during one of CJ’s briefings, I saw Toby at the back of the room, keeping an eye on CJ. I felt my chest heat up and tried hard not to smile, it wasn’t appropriate given the subject CJ was speaking on. I just couldn’t help the way Toby made me feel.

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Masterlist

[zambehnation]

They never kiss because in this one Wilson and Cuddy and the merry band of fellows convince House that he didn’t need to be miserable. Only he found he could be happy with someone else.

You’re jealous.

Of course, I’ve secretly harbored feelings for you all of this time. Leave your new lover. Come away with me instead.

Tempting. Except, you were never jealous of any of the other people I’ve been interested in— you were actually happy for me when I started dating Stacy. So, what’s changed? Is it because it’s a man?

You— actually think I’m jealous of you dating that man. I’m not— House, I have a patient in ten. Can we talk about this later? Or not because nothing’s wrong.

I asked if you wanted to get dinner. You said you were busy. You’re not. I checked with your secretary—

I had plans. I do have a life outside of this hospital that my secretary isn’t paid to manage.

There’s nothing, I would have known if—

What is it that you actually want? Why are you here? So, I missed this dinner. We can reschedule. I’m free tomorrow night. We’ll finally meet and I’m sure I’ll approve of him because anyone who makes you less of an ass is good in my book.

You’re avoiding me. I don’t care if you don’t approve of him. I care that we haven’t hung out since you found out. You’re not homophobic or else I’d have run you off sooner with all the gay jokes and the flirting. You’re jealous because I’m dating a man. But Pookie, you shouldn’t, because you’re still number one.

I’m not— It’s just a little weird. You never told me and now I’m just supposed to accept— I’m the one who’s always been there for you— through the leg and Stacy leaving and the addiction and the destruction. I stood next to you, given you everything you needed, everything I could.

Why isn’t it me?

That sounds a lot like a confession which if it is…is terrible.

It’s that serious?

You like him?

You’ve been pushing me to let other people in since you’ve known me— to move on from Stacy (from you), to try (to fall in love, be happy)—

Does it have to be with him?

It could have been with you.

—And now what? You suddenly decide to act like an idiot because there’s someone else or is it because you think that I owe you enough to sleep with you? That it? After all this time, you banked enough to collect on the fuck the cripple credits?

Don’t cheapen this. You know that’s not what I meant. If I had known there was a chance—

How could you not have known?

I didn’t know you liked men. You’re not as transparent as you think.

Not to anyone else. But to you? You’re as obsessive about me as I am of you. You notice everything and you’re proud when you’ve figured me out, when you’re right about me. So how could you have gotten this wrong?

You know I—?

I want you.

That you wanted me? Yeah.

I’ve always known. It wasn’t a problem. I wanted you too.

But you never said anything.

You hide. You repress. You get married (to other people). You could have said something, but you didn’t because you weren’t going to risk it so why should I?

Because you’re not afraid of risking anything even when you have everything to lose. You’re the adrenaline junkie. You thrive on the knife edge. Maybe there was something there to lose if you’d told me the truth and told me that you knew how I felt but for some reason you decided you weren’t going to risk it.

You think it’s not worth it if you can’t risk losing it.

No, I wasn’t.

Why?

It doesn’t matter. (You could have said something, and I still wouldn’t have let you because you stay when you’re needed. I’ve never seen you stay because you were loved.)

You want it not to matter? (But you want me.) You want to stay just… friends? (But I want you. We could be more, and we could be good, but you’d rather we pretend?)

Yeah. (No. Call me out. You’re supposed to be brave.)

Okay. I’ll come to dinner.

[bruiseslikeblueroses]

The State of my Unions

I rediscovered Tumblr. Switched over to Bluesky. I feel like a social media refugee. I feel bad for the real refugees in Los Angeles. It seems like the city is burning to the ground. I’m really worried about my bestie. She sounded panicked when we talked last night.

As far as things go, I’m fine. Missing my new husband terribly. I can’t wait for him to move in here, Only three more weeks. This bed and end tables gets switched out for his larger set, which I am all for. My previous domestic partner died on this bed. It’s just too sad. A fresh start is a good thing.

My father wrote us up a dream lease, at least I say this without having seen it yet. Casey, bless him, will be paying 90% of the house expenses with his larger income and I will be taking care of food and tradwife stuff. That sounds quite agreeable. I don’t mind being a housewife at all. I do that anyway, because I like living in a clean house. Eating decent food

The words are coming easier now. She was right, Jami Attenberg's 1000 Words of Summer. This is a good exercise. 200 words without really thinking about it. Of course I am all hopped up of Cold Brew from Casey’s forgotten appliance. That is may secret summer survival tool. I forgot how caffeinated this stuff was, also. Two pint glasses and I’m ready to write the great American novel spew. It feels good.

Now I’m a forth of the way through. A good feeling. There is a lot of history I have with Tumblr. I am happy to see familiar faces there, as well as on Bluesky as people flee Threads. Some are staying, like I thought I’d stay at Twitter/X. I haven’t posted anything but cross promotion there is what feels like years. At least a year. 

Time moves differently now. Faster. It’s 2025 and I’m throwing away cans of food in my pantry that expired in 2019. Trying to get the place cleaned out for Casey. I love him. I love him so much. We want to get old and grey together and I am all about it. I pamper him because he is such a jewel. I made him an apple pie the other day. It’s still siting in the fridge, looking lovely. Should be delicious. He loves my cooking. He’s so nonjudgemental and loving. He’s the one.

415 words. Anything else? It’s two am. Suddenly there are so many more interesting things to do then play video games. It feels like coming alive. I could really use a bath, a nice morning soak. But I’m flying on caffeine and don’t really want to sit still for that long. At lest my hair is okay. Doesn’t need to be washed. I cut my bangs a lot shorter. They look a lot better.

I cut my own hair, I’ve been doing it that way for years. Since I moved to Reno and stopped spending a fortune on my hair and nails. The right thing to do.

Sure, the high life with Larry was nice, but I love Casey so much more. He is so much better in so many ways that I feel like we can really be happy together into old age. I am actually excited about spending the rest of my life with him.

I’ve had many lovers, paramours, wives, booty calls, but Casey is my special loving husband with the same value structure I have. That means the world. I am so happy about him moving in at the end of the month.

Today the cleaners comes and do a deep cleaning on the place. I am so glad. I am so very thankful to my parents for paying for this. I should be awake. I have to be awake, actually. I will have to find various strategies for rooms to hide out in. As the weather is chilly. Near freezing, lately.

I take out my meta glasses. Ask them the forecast. It’s 29 degrees right now. Below freezing. I wonder if it snowed tonight. I got a warning on my phone that it might. 

For some reason my glasses will only play podcasts. I fiddle with them until my Spotify Upbeat Mix comes on. Lady Gaga, Born this Way. The morning seems even more sparkling now. Music is everything.

The changes in Meta’s policies as they try to appeal to the upcoming Trump regime are disturbing. I have no stomach for bullying. As they are explicitly targeting LGBTQIA and mentally ill people, I am going elsewhere digitally for a while.

I can’t afford to leave Reno, Nevada. My psychiatric medication, my wonderful house, my five cats. My new husband. Everything is wonderful except Los Angeles is on fire and the incoming. regime I strongly disagree with. 

Hopefully I can fly under the radar. Keep my head down. Survive.

Yes, I am a bisexual woman who chose to marry a man after two wives did not work out. He’s not my beard, although he has a nice dark beard. We met on OK Cupid. It was all over once I’d read his profile and we started talking. I cleared my schedule till our first date and put on my Bettie Page heels.

I’m listening to Todrick Hall, a regular on Ru aul’s Drag Race. He makes amazing dance music. Casey said I listed to gay club music and he was not wrong. Broadway musicals, Lana Del Rey and remixes they might put on at the Abbey on underwear night. 

Discovering Violet Chachki’s musical output was a revelation. Dominatrix disco.

Since The Vivienne passed, I’ve been watching that All Stars All legends Season. Drag perfection. The Viv turns amazing looks. She looks so radiant and animated on television, it’s hard to accept that she’s gone.

Death, aging, time, change. I have no solution for my fleeting middle age, except don’t stop. Don’t stop writing. Creating. I need it more than ever now.

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - A Baldurs Gate fanfiction - Part 2

Chapter 4 - The Bhaalists

Our food arrives so we sit back down at the table after several minutes of dancing and laughing. Oh, man, when Gale laughs, when he smiles so big, it gives me the best feeling inside. It’s as if a swarm of butterflies are dancing around in my stomach or an overwhelming sensation of excitement is bursting through the seams. Sigh. I love being the only people up here – outside of the staff, of course.

“Oh this food looks delectable,” Gale comments. “Thank you Jamus, for all you do. Say, how is your brother doing?” Jamus clears his throat and nervously smiles, and it worries me for a moment. Why is he acting so skittish? Is he normally like this?

“He’s excelling in his career as a full-time healer for folks who need it. Sometimes he travels to Neverwinter, but most of the time he’s in Baldur’s Gate. However, he will be moving out there soon enough… It’s bad right now, and it’s only about to get worse. I thought it was terrible before, when the Absolute was the biggest concern in the world. The horrors in Baldur’s Gate right now are about to spread like wildfire and everyone will either be affected or killed.” Gale and I pause, staring at each other in bewilderment and trying to comprehend what he’s talking about. I’m not surprised Baldur’s Gate is once again under fire, but also, I was hoping for continuous peace.

“What are you talking about?” I ask. “What’s happening?” My first assumption was the tadpole, but I know damn well that’s impossible. But what else could be “spreading”? Some sort of outbreak, maybe?

“Oh, you haven’t heard. My apologies. Well… It’s the Bhaalists. Those bloodthirsty, evil freaks who are human but act like monsters to please their God… Which, I know you’re aware.”

“Yes, we killed Bhaal’s chosen. Orin.”

“Yes, well, there have been horrible murder sprees. Worse than ever before. Several are trying to become Bhaal’s chosen to replace Orin. It’s not safe. People in the city are having to hide in the woods or travel to the mountains to escape. Still, some are found unfortunately. That’s all I really know. I hope someone intervenes, and I am begging to the Gods that Jasik makes it here safely. I’ve been worried. What’s worse is, I’m sure Waterdeep will be targeted at some point also.” FUCK. Just what we need. If it’s not one fatal issue, it’s another. I guess now really is a great time for Jenevelle, Gale, and myself to be immortal, though this isn’t an unusual predicament for us. Still, at least our baby should be okay. I hate that we had to find all of this out during a romantic dinner.

“Just keep your eyes peeled. They’re everywhere,” Jasik adds. “Though, who knows. Baldur’s Gate could be the only target.”

“You say that now, but eventually the city will run out of people for them to obliterate. The cult will, I assume, either kill each other or target other cities THEN kill each other. It’s only a matter of time before we find out.” Gale is right – it’s just a matter of time before everything turns to pure shit.

We make it home rather late, but Jenevelle is still awake somehow.

“I promise you both, I tried to get her to bed but all she wanted to do was play. What can I say, though? I’m Auntie Karlach.” I laugh as she hands me Jenevelle, who looks thrilled to see me.

“She definitely enjoys having you around, and why wouldn’t she?” I respond, smiling down at my baby. She begins reaching for me so she can nurse.

“So that’s what it is. She just wanted your goods! Little miss had me fooled. Anyway, I’ll see you both later. I’m exhausted and have to hang out with Wyll’s dad tomorrow. It’s a long story.” She doesn’t exactly sound thrilled, but I guess it’s important to hang out with your in-laws every once in awhile, right? I think since both of her parents are dead, she’s wanting to have some sort of bond with a parental figure of some sorts. She’s brought it up to me a few times in the past.

“Thank you, Karlach. You truly are a treasure,” Gale says.

“D’aw, friend! Don’t mention it!” As Karlach leaves, Gale sits down on the sofa next to me while I nurse Jenevelle. It’s apparent that he knows I’m worried about the Bhaal cultist situation, judging by the way he’s studying my face. In the past, they weren’t trying to kill Orin; she had them by a leash. Now it seems to be a fierce murder spree that’s getting worse by the second. How was tonight the first I heard about it?

“Are you alright? I’m so sorry if your night was ruined. I tried to make it so special for you… For your birthday.” His voice is dreary along with his puppy dog eyes.

“What? Oh honey, no. You made it more special than I could’ve imagined. Now that we’re immortal, birthdays aren’t a ‘thing’ anyways. With that in mind, you gave me an incredible night I won’t forget.” He smiles and takes my hand within his, rubbing my knuckles gently with his thumb.

“I just hope everything is alright.”

“Unfortunately, this issue going on in Baldur’s Gate is outside our control. It never stops. I guess the Bhaalists are nothing compared to what we fought before.” He sighs and hesitates, as if something else is lingering in that intelligent brain of his.

“Since they’re not being stopped, that means we may have to intervene.” I hate how right he is; who else would team up and do it? With us being the ones who defeated the elder brain, I have a feeling everyone will be depending on us anyway.

“What about Jenevelle?” I question, worried who would be watching her or how this will play out overall. “We can’t leave her with anyone unless they happen to be immortal, too. You know, in case of Bhaalists.”

“I know she’s immortal but I still worry about our baby. Man… My ghasts are flabbered. Let’s talk with the others tomorrow and see what they think. One of us may have to stay home with her.”

If it means protecting my daughter, immortal or not, I’m all for it; though, this means Gale and I will be separated from each other for a hot minute. I kiss Jenevelle’s forehead as she starts to become sleepy, then hand her off to Gale who hasn’t been able to hold her much today. I smile at her as she falls asleep comfortably in his arms.

I keep thinking about our friends left behind and if they’ll even be able to fight off these cultists alone. Halsin. Jaheira. Minsc. Even Lae’zel, who I assume is the Astral Planes still, but it’s worth worrying about. Then I come to remember that we have Withers – how could I forget about him? We’ll reach out to him to summon our friends bright and early tomorrow. My brain is racing from the stress and anxiety, causing me to have issues falling asleep. Gale however seems to be unbothered and resting peacefully beside me.

I get out of bed and head down the stairway to the kitchen so I can grab a glass of water and a little snack, thinking it might help ease my mind just a little. As I make it to the kitchen, I hear Tara’s little feet tapping around on the floor.

“Emmy? Darling, is everything alright?”

“Oh, sorry to disturb you, Tara. Just coming down to eat something. Ugh… Gods. I want to quit thinking about that damned murder cult.” She flies up toward me, her gaze holding onto mine.

“Truth is, they’ll always be around. There will constantly be evil lurking about, especially from those Bhaal worshippers. They will stop at nothing to please their disgusting God.”

“The thing is…they’re on a rampage. It’s like a competition to see who can become his favorite. The nastier, more disgusting murders, the better. His Chosen has been dead and there’s basically a breeding cow that’s been creating so many Bhaalspawn to worship him. He craves the attention, but also craves their deaths. All the cultists are killing everyone, and each other, so he can have a new Chosen.” The thought of all this is disturbing me, though it’s nothing new. I just can’t imagine how many are out there right now, and it’s only a matter of time before they spread to other cities.

“How are you going to stop them, dear? There’s only so much you can do.” She’s right. No matter what we do, there will always be Bhaal assassins or cultists on every corner. We can at least try to locate the source of them… The ‘breeding cow’ for instance. Maybe there’s more than just that, maybe there’s another source.

“When the sun rises, we’ll discuss the next steps with our companions. Either Gale or myself will stay here with Jenevelle.” I hear footsteps tiptoeing down the stairs, and I realize it’s Gale. He usually comes down around this time for a glass of milk and then back to bed, but this wasn’t exactly the case here.

“Baby, what are you doing up? Stress-walking in the middle of the night, huh?” He seems genuinely concerned, and he knows this entire situation is eating me alive.

“Yes…Yes I am.”

“Come back to bed and we can talk about it.” His voice is sleepy yet so gentle, and the smile on his face brings me a glimmer of joy. I smile back and follow him up the stairs to our room, where I basically tell him exactly what I told Tara. However, I started to fall asleep as I addressed my concerns and I didn’t even get to finish telling him everything that’s on my mind. Mmm. The numbness as the body falls into a slumber is so relaxing.

{find part 1 and 2 of my series on AO3! I will have 3 parts total. Check out the link below}

[withoutatrace-pkmn]

off-screen rp

“… so next year, I intend to approach Raihan in order to see if we could collaborate on a pride parade for Hammerlocke! How fantastic would that be?”

Holly hummed her agreement. She’d never shared anything close to Demetria’s energy, not when they were children and certainly not now. But it was nice to hear what she had to say anyway - to have a nice, normal chat about normal things, to pretend her own life wasn’t a constant carnival of disorder.

That said…

“So,” and here Demetria’s tone turned serious, “how are things with you?”

Of course she couldn’t avoid it forever. The fact that what was meant to be a simple trip to Sinnoh turned into a full blown monster hunt.

“Fine. I haven’t seen… it since the pic I snapped yesterday. I’ve just been following its trail.”

“You don’t have to engage with it Holly. You are not obligated to solve this region’s problems.”

“I’m the hero of Kalos, Demetria. Feel like it would be a bit of a dick move to just leave ‘em to it.”

She heard it then. The sound that had been playing on loop in her head since she’d first heard it the night before. The cry of a wild pokemon, or- or something like a wild pokemon. The sound of shrieking static, and breaking glass.

Holly tensed. The sharp intake of breath on the other side of the phone told her Demetria had done the same.

“That was it, was it not?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that was it.”

“Holly…”

“I’m ok. Talk later, alright?”

She hung up before Demetria could argue, and started moving forward more cautiously than before.

Her hand tightened involuntarily around Bubble’s pokeball, her finger held firmly over the release button. If the gems covering this thing’s body were anything to go by, it was likely a rock type - hopefully her Greninja would be the perfect opponent to it.

Stalking through tall bushes now, easing her way through the Sinnoh wilderness, Holly’s heart pounded in her ears. The strange cry came again, and she was stunned momentarily, wrestling with her own instincts - to run, to hide, to destroy -

A few more hesitant steps, and she finally saw it again.

It hadn’t gotten any less disturbing. Stood on two legs, stooped over, arms dangling gently from its sides. It’s back was to her, exposing the writhing mass of tendrils that emerged seamlessly from a back that seemed otherwise covered in some kind of strange black hide. But Holly wasn’t too disconcerted by this. If anything, she was glad it faced away from her.

At least this time she didn’t have to look at its eyes.

And maybe she wouldn’t need to endanger Bubble after all. The thing hadn’t noticed her after all. Her other hand reached slowly into her bag, pulling out a quick ball.

Wait. Wait for the perfect moment. Hold your breath. Then-

A Staravia took sudden flight from a nearby tree. The creature startled. And Holly threw the quick ball.

It connected, thudding against the creature’s back. It tensed immediately, before being consumed by the light emerging from the pokeball, and disappearing inside.

It shook once. Twice.

Holly held her breath.

And the ball cracked open again.

The thing stumbled away, turning to face it’s would-be capturer. And those eyes were turned on her once again.

Holly gasped, hiding her face on instinct. It didn’t help, she knew it wouldn’t - there was no where on Earth she could have escaped that gaze. Those eyes staring into her, and out of her, and-

The pressure lifted, and Holly gasped as the creature turned tail and fled once again.

“… shit.”

Another failed capture. And with her luck, if she didn’t catch that thing soon someone would get hurt. Or killed.

She gritted her teeth in frustration, before glancing into the bag that hung by her side.

“fuck, I don’t want to have to use this…”

The masterball had made its way to the top of the pile of pokeballs inside, taunting her with its violet hue that reminded her all too much of the monster’s terrible eyes. As a rule, Holly was against masterballs, against the concept of stripping any Pokemon of their free will in a bid to capture them. You could capture any Pokemon if you could only earn its respect.

But if she was in a race against time - considering she didn’t know what this thing could do, how much damage it could cause - well, maybe her hand would be forced.

[deadendsave]

Delilah Hodges’ Journal (3)

1: It’s been a year. I still haven’t been able to contact my parents. I eventually gave up and accepted the fact that they’re probably never coming back for me. I really hope they’re still alive. If I knew they were, I’d be relieved. But I don’t think I could ever forgive them for leaving me for so long. I’m trying to not resent them, but it’s hard.

2: 18th birthday. I made it to adulthood. I remember I used to get so excited about birthdays, now it’s hard to get through them. It’s not fair that I get to keep growing older, and Quinn’s always gonna be 15. I know she wouldn’t want me feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I’m tired of being guilty for having these feelings. I’m guilty because I feel like I should be happier. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

3: Quinn, my old camp, my parents, the bar looters. It’s all changed me so much. I miss being happy. I try to pretend to be in front of Todd and Linda. I don’t wanna seem ungrateful for everything they do for me. I slip up sometimes though, Linda notices the most. I always tell her I’m fine, I’m just tired.

4: On a more positive note, a lot’s happened since I filled up my last journal. I’ve read so many books. Some were great, some were… not so great. Most of the “classics” are boring to me. There’s still a lot of reading to do, I’ve barely scratched the surface of all that the bookstore has to offer. I’ve also been (very slowly) improving my hunting skills. Still not great, but I’m getting there. I learned how to drive Todd’s truck. He won’t let me drive without him being in the passenger seat because he’s super protective over it.

5: Todd and Linda surprised me by cleaning out the apartment above the bookstore. I have my own space now! No more sleeping on the couch. It’s got water and electricity, it’s a little faulty though. The lights flicker a lot. But still! My own place! I’m gonna start decorating with all of the time times things I’ve collected.

6: Someone showed up at the bar this morning. For a minute, I thought it was my parents. Nope. Just some guy covered in blood. He said his name was Mitch. He’s not much older than me. He’s the youngest person I’ve come across since… never mind. So far he’s been nice, I don’t trust him though. I want to, but people pretend to be good all the time. What if he’s just pretending?

7: Great, he’s gonna be staying with us. I don’t think that’s a good idea. It would be wrong to just kick him out on the street, but still. He said he was alone. He could be lying. What if he has friends and they’re just waiting for their signal to barge in and attack us. I know Todd is watching him like a hawk but I’m still not comfortable. He could be just like those people that showed up last year.

8: Last year, a young couple came to the bar pretending they needed help. They actually just wanted to take everything we had, including our home. What Todd had to do was terrible, but he didn’t have a choice. The man grabbed me and said he wanted to “keep me.” I felt so disgusted. We would’ve helped them with whatever they needed if they would’ve just asked. I’m scared Mitch is gonna be just like them.

9: I’ve been avoiding Mitch as much as possible this past week. I don’t want to come off as a bitch, I could be nicer. The old me would’ve been, but things change. Linda’s been trying to ask him all about his life, he says there’s nothing worth talking about. What is he hiding?

10: I’m not as good as keeping up with journaling anymore. Here’s an update though. Turns out, Mitch is actually pretty cool. I’m still hesitant to get too close, but he’s a nice friend to have around. I enjoy his company. He found an old guitar, he’s been playing songs for me. He’s not that bad. Plus, I’m realizing he’s kinda cute.

11: Mitch knocked on my door last night, said he couldn’t sleep. I let him in my apartment, and we sat and talked on the balcony all night. At first, it was just awkward small talk. Then he asked me why I had so many ocean-themed things. I told him all about my fascination with the ocean and marine life. I got a little embarrassed and apologized for nerding out and talking so much. He said it was cool though. I think he was just being nice.

12: Mitch came back over this morning, said he found a few things I might like while he was out hunting with Todd. He handed me a tiny lighthouse statue. I wanted to cry, it was just such a sweet gesture. It meant he was actually listening to me. He also handed me a box. Inside was a bracelet kit. That’s when I really had a hard time fighting back the tears. He said he figured I might want to make a new one since the one on my wrist was so old. I feel like that was Quinn’s way of letting me know it’s okay to let him in.

13: I said I’d only wear a new one if he made it and pinky promised me to always wear the one I make him. He laughed at first, but we sat down and made each other bracelets. I took the one Quinn made me off. Mitch was right, it was getting old. I didn’t want to end up breaking it or losing it. I’ll keep it somewhere safe.

14: I told him all about my parents and Quinn. It was hard to talk about them out loud. Mitch told me about his mom though. I can’t even imagine what it was like to have to do that to her. I could see the pain in his eyes as he was talking about it. He looked like he was reliving it. I didn’t know what to say so I just held his hand hoping it would help. I don’t know if it did though.

15: Mitch took me out during the day to practice my shooting skills. I kept getting frustrated, but he was really patient with me. When we were walking back home we saw something in the distance. I got freaked out. It looked like a person. When Mitch went to go investigate, there was nothing there.

16: Mitch surprised me with a turntable and some records there were in (almost) perfect condition, just a little dusty. He was so excited, he looked like he couldn’t wait to give them to me. We set up the turntable and put on some music. I made him dance with me. We both sucked, but we didn’t care. He leaned in and kissed me. I was nervous but it felt right. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt content.

17: Before Mitch, i couldn’t really wrap my head around the whole love thing. It just seemed so complicated. But i get it now. It’s nothing like what I’ve read in books. It’s more simple than that but it’s real and it’s raw. It’s the warm, comforting feeling I get when I’m with him. It doesn’t have to be anything else. That’s enough for me.

dialogue note, delilah’s apartment:

Mitch: This scar makes me ugly.

Delilah: Hey, at least you’re still alive. Plus I think it makes you look kinda badass.

Mitch: Badass? I look like one of the sick.

Delilah: Well, I don’t think you do. And you’re not ugly! Not that looks really should matter that much anymore. I don’t know why we still care about things like that. It’s kind of silly when you think about it.

Mitch: Thanks, but I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better.

Delilah: I’m not! I think you’re beautiful. I really mean it.

Mitch: Oh, so you think… I’m beautiful? 😏

Delilah: Shut the fuck up! Don’t make me regret saying that.

[jimothy-bogartian]

tell me the last time you thought about the person you’re in love with? what was it you were thinking about?

It’s a constant I’ve known since the day we started talking, when I wake, when I go to sleep, in my dreams. I miss my best friend every moment. I realize I haven’t found a worthy replacement, I can’t, and that I don’t want to. I envy how happy and in love you are with someone else, the jealousy to be in that place with you, the feeling that it is mine is overwhelming some days it is all I have not to rip and tear and find out if it is mine. But I know it’s not. If it was this distance would be impossible for you too, but it’s been chosen by you so many times, I can’t even fault you it just must be what you really wanted. You’ve told me how happy you are and I don’t need him to be any more viscous with me even if you want to cross his lines, so I don’t. Your happiness means more than mine, it always has

I think about everything that brought us to this empty expanse. I talk with my therapist about how I hate myself as my own biggest saboteur, I can’t get over the hate for myself for it and the ways I punish myself for it daily. I’ve told every last thing I’ve done, I don’t hide my shame. How I wish I had done better and I can’t say the sorries I want to, I can’t make you understand or see if you were me why I got so lost so you can forgive me like I have you. I’ve learned you can feel so terrible for something but you can’t make someone want to mend it and get over it with you and that sword cuts me every day. If I could take back I would, if I was capable of any better back then, I would have—but it’s my biggest regret now.

I think about reaching out, but I know I can’t. I know that I’m not allowed or it would be more in secret that’s taken as my fault. I know at best I’m only a second option if that falls through, and I can’t explain what that feels like when I would leave my whole life in an instant for you. The last words I heard from you were “Don’t call. Don’t text.” I listen to the voicemail more often than I will admit to hear your voice and that part haunts me like no other. But I head the order, I can’t reach out even if I want to. This time it kinda has to be you, but please don’t put me in a mess with him again if you do. I really tried to be fair and amicable.

Lately, all I can think about is how I don’t think you were ever that happy with me. I think about Valentine’s Day and for like the last week I’ve been bleeding out over the idea we never really got a real one. The cancelled plans, the poems I wrote, the lego set that sits in my living room unbuilt still haunting me. I’m glad you’re excited for it this year. I can’t help but wonder if you ever felt really in love with me or not, that’s been the big question watching all of this and it hurts like no other. I can’t help but compare and boy do I look real small, it seems so easy for you to consider him and want to show love for him. I envy that like the nastiest villain, that was supposed to be our story even if it didn’t start that way. I miss my head on your chest, I miss your snores on mine; I miss your warmth like a child away at school for the first time. I live as the youngest version of me, the first one to ever say “I want to go home.” Every day I wish for a hug from you and only you. Existing in a timeline that feels wrong like clothing three sizes too small, I can’t breathe.

The time and silence while I can hear you guys laughing and making out from the other room makes me realize the reality. I don’t think that second chance at better is ever coming back for me, so I just do things in life as a checklist now, monotone and with intention that if not one thing I will have to settle for whatever is next and fits the basic criteria. Maybe all that glitters isn’t gold and it’s just job, marry someone for taxes, help others, get old, die. I realize that it’s just, that thing of life

I’m growing colder, and you’re growing into the love of your life. I missed the train that may never have been for me anyways, and yours just arrived it would seem. Don’t waste your chance while I’m some man on a bench at the station with his head between his hands with a suitcase going nowhere because his chosen journey companion couldn’t bear the distance with someone like me. Go somewhere with someone it seems you really want to. See the future you want and go for it if I can’t, there has to be some form of happiness at the end of the story as it split into two stories, fight for the ending you want.

If you ever want to be in love, I’ll come around.

The song was Valentine by Maneskin

[golbrockstar]

We're coming up to the end of the year, do you think you could do a year in review type thing for Sam and Colby's year?

like what has been the best video this year in your opinion?

Which has been the funniest this year?

Which has been the most feelsy?

Which has been the scariest?

Best collab on their channel this year?

Best interview/podcast/collab outside their own channel from this year?

and just in general anything you would like to say to sum up your thoughts for this year in SnC.

I shall ask a few other people in SnC tumblr this as well and we can all compare.

Imma be honest, I had to go back over the videos this year because it’s been a long year for this fandom lol even with only like 12 videos.

Idk if anyone else has answered this yet, but I haven’t seen them if so, so they’re not influencing my answers here.

And I’m not taking into the account the movie(s?) that also came out this year, just the YouTube stuff.

Best Video of the Year: If I can lump them all in one, then I’d say the Farrar episodes have probably been their best this year. If I had to pick one, Pt. 3 was the most entertaining.

Funniest: probably the “Australia’s most haunted prison” with the boys. Watching 6 (?) grown men play hide and seek was a treat lol

Feelsy: I mean, the haunted dolls one (the most recent one) feels apt just because of the conversation at the end. I said this in another post, but it really felt like I was intruding on a private conversation. SnC hardly get emotional (at least not in that way) on the channel so to see them being anything other than their “we’re besties 4 life” selves was very eye-opening.

Scariest: There weren’t too many this year that gave me a real unsettled vibe tbh but the demonic asylum where they put Sam in the straight jacket was pretty scary if I remember right. And honestly Pt. 3 of Farrar where they talked about the dark entity was pretty unsettling too.

Best Collab: Hot take lol but it was nice to see Jake back on the channel. He’s grown a lot since the last time he was and I think he’s a lot more secure in himself now. Him and Johnnie were a fun pair with SnC.

Side Note: how did Kris and Celina only appear in one video this year??? I kinda miss them on the channel ngl lol more of them next year.

Best Outside Video: Gotta be the recent Assumptions video because it’s the only one I’ve seen 😂 I don’t really go out of my way to watch all the podcasts or collab videos outside of SnC’s channel.

Mostly cause I can’t be bothered, but also a lot of the podcasts end up asking a lot of the same questions and telling stories that I’ve (mostly) heard before and with other collabs, I tried to get into that stuff before (like back when they collabed with Exploring With Josh a lot) but usually I don’t really vibe with the other people’s content so I’ve just stopped trying lol.

I was already subscribed to Anthony Padilla’s channel when it was announced they’d be on there so it was a happy accident.

Anyway I hope these answers were satisfactory! I have a terrible memory when it comes to most of the videos lol that’s why I tend to rewatch a lot, but I haven’t done that much this year! To be done in the new year I suppose.

Thanks for asking!

[rosecrystal]

Thank you for your response! But yeah and it’s also really hard for me to see her in this light because she’s very religious, is good to me sometimes and goes on all the time about how she is such a good person and knows a lot of life how I should listen to her, she’ll say to then also be so insecure, we have the most terrible fights and she is SO rageful , she depends on others especially my siblings that don’t even live in the house for constant reassurance to always be around her as she doesn’t like being alone and my sister who sleeps in the same bed as her (she’s 22 ) and has since we moved in to my aunts place due to the space issue really had to take the brunt of it all, dealing with her and making my mom feel secure 24/7, they’re extremely codependent….whereas I’m just miserable. Every move I make she is on me and like I said continually brings up the mistakes I’ve made in the past and just in my daily life…I really feel like I’m in jail. I do have some late bills due to having left my last job where I was continually sick from the children at the school…I’m not in any way saying I’m perfect at all I haven’t been good about paying my bill pls it’s just been so rough especially these days and it’s really hard for me to understand her….the more argumentative she is the more I don’t listen to her especially when she brings up mistakes I’ve made in arguments….i just don’t know if it’ll ever get better? She just makes me feel like I cannot do anything, that if I don’t need her or doing better that makes her feel useless…and she always is so invasive with me and it’s feels I cannot have any boundaries with her. Was it similar with your mom? Do you see why it’s hard because I don’t want to believe she is awful but at the same time she makes me feel horrible

Anon I am pretty sure she has good qualities too, again I do not think that is enough tho, I am not saying she is a bad person but also good people do not go around talking about how good they are, their actions just speak for themselves, if someone goes around talking about how they’re a good person chances are they are not so good and they know it deep inside. The fact she doesn’t like to be alone and needs to depend on others all the time, to me she sounds like an insecure person who never properly grew up to build resilience and hides behind religion and this facade of being a “good person” who immediately turns into a criticizing person full of rage when things don’t go her way. It takes an actual mature adult to be a good parent and it looks to me like your mother never learned to be an adult and I am sorry for all of you that were born as her children.

Also, when it comes to you quitting your job and having bills to pay, I don’t think that is a crime or that deep lmao. You will get back on your feet. None of us is perfect and we all meet hardships along the way, it really is not that serious but the fact she always brings it up magnifies the whole situation when in reality it’s not a big deal at all. Instead of dwelling on what happened in the past, try thinking of something that motivates you going forward (such as building your life away from this madness). Again, you need to really be firm and push her away because there’s a 99% chance she is never going to change. It really doesn’t matter that she treats you well sometimes, you need to uphold those boundaries.

In my case, my family dynamics were toxic but in different ways. None of my parents have actually been controlling towards me. We used to live with my grandparents as well and my grandmother used to suffer from Munchausen syndrome by proxy (look it up if you’ve never heard of it) and her victims were her children at first and then every other child who was left in her care aka her grandchildren, me included because my mom was always at work and my father wasn’t enthusiastic about taking care of children. That being said my grandmother was also very emotionally manipulative and would always go on about how she was a good person. Lucky thing is I never once got along with her, not even as a child, so the amount of damage on me was not as extensive as on other people (one of my aunts and my cousin who were left in her care for a long time both developed schizophrenia as result of the abuse). Either way I survived for a long time through putting up really strong boundaries and not allowing anyone to walk over them.

Again, you are capable of doing anything you want to do and what she is doing is projecting her own powerlessness into you - do not allow that anymore. Even though your upbringing was rough you owe it to yourself to get better, you owe it to child you and present you and future you, one of the best ways to empower yourself rn is to make a plan on how you’re going to move away and stick to it, keep going no matter what while still upholding as many boundaries as you can. Once that is achieved you can think on how to bring your younger sister on your side as well. You have a long path ahead of yourself but healing is worth it!

[evelynndecipio-blog]

August 25th, 2020

Dear Nightingale, 

I’m happy we can establish that there’s no expectation here, because my mood switches really quickly. Sometimes, I find your letter and I’m excited to sit down and write to you, but then I get back to the dorms and all I want to do is crawl back under the covers and hide. Maybe it's’ just the dorms making me feel that way, and I should be heading straight to the library so I don’t flip immediately. But the same thing happened when I arrived home. I got out of bed for the first time since the summer camp and got the letter, but as soon as I returned to the house, I just didn’t want to think about anything anymore.

I would enjoy some help with the school work, to be honest. After cramming it all, I didn’t expect that I would like the content so much. Things like Transfiguration and Astronomy are a bit harder to understand, but in general, I would just like someone to study with and keep me in check. And it would force me to be a bit social for once. I don’t know if you’d be able to connect me with such a person though, ahah.

Summer camp was horrible, by the way. For me, of course. I don’t know why, but I just find it so hard to go out and talk to people. I’ve never been this way. Before Hogwarts, people of all walks of life passed through my house and I’m sure many of them would have been annoyed by a little girl like me up in their business, but I always loved talking to them. Now, it’s practically impossible. Worse even, because these are my own peers. I could barely muster up the motivation to leave the tent at the summer camp. The Quidditch match ended up being fun, though. I forced myself to talk to a few people there, but I know if I see them again I won’t be able to say hi. How do people even do that? Gods, I don’t even know how to operate anymore.

Supplemental learning? Maths, science, and the like? I’m reaching here, but I guess that makes a little bit of sense. We’re not learning these things in Hogwarts, so I see why she’d want you to brush up on those things in the case that you decide to spend your life in the real world outside of this magic world. Unless she’s gotten magic tutors for you? I’m interested to know more.

My own name is Greek, I think. As is my father’s. In fact, I think my dad’s name means “two-faced”, which is ironic. Or, the god he’s named after has two faces or something like that. I wish we could find a way to sneak Cassie onto the grounds for you, but a horse would definitely be a bit of a struggle. About the owl, I just have an idea of them as tranquil and wise creatures. That kind of image suits you in my eyes. Or maybe owls are just a bit mysterious and since I have no idea who you are, you’re mysterious too.

I’ve always dreamt about having land, though. Or just a big backyard. We live closer to the hub of the city, so space is pretty limited. I used to enjoy the coziness of it all, but now my home just makes me feel sad. And it would be a terrible place for a big dog, I think. I’m not sure about the breeds, but I would definitely want a big one. I’m quite small and I don’t see myself getting very tall. Something about bigger dogs makes me feel protected. Thanks to Hogwarts, I might just stick to an owl. At least it would be useful, if I actually had anyone to send letters to. Other than you.

I’ve never really told anyone this before. But I haven’t gotten close with anyone since it all went down, so maybe that’s the reason. The short version is that after I started showing signs of magic, my mother told my father that she was unfaithful around the time that I would have been conceived. She’s just a normal human, so she didn’t really know about half-bloods. She managed to get in contact with the guy and one DNA test later, it was confirmed that my father wasn’t actually my father. It didn’t matter to me though. He raised me so he’s my dad. But that wasn’t enough for him, I guess. I don’t think he ran from me, but from my mother.

It really is so terribly unfair. He’s the one person I actually want to talk to. The person that I’m sure will make all these bad things I’m feeling go far away. And yet he hasn’t contacted me once. I’ve always seen him as someone who’s so secure in their maturity, that they don’t mind being a little childish from time to time, when it's fun to do so. I guess I was wrong about that and he might have been mostly immature and just really good at hiding it. I don’t know. I can’t even write to him, because I don’t know where he’s staying. I bet he’s still going to work, but I’m scared to show up there out of the blue. I don’t know what his reaction will be like and I’m terrified of it.

I had to take a break after writing that all out. Never really been able to express how I felt, talking or otherwise. I still don’t know how I’m feeling after it. Sorry to unload it on you. Feel free to ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable. You’re right, though. I should make up with my mother. But I don’t want to, at the same time. Whenever I look at her, I feel things that no one else should feel. I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m pretty sure this is what’s preventing me from being the way I used to. And I can’t get past it.

I like the way you put it, about the ball. I do wish that I was braver or more confident in my abilities to stick around and help keep people safe. But you’re right, another kid in there who doesn’t know what they’re doing will cause more damage than remedy. That makes me feel a little better, at least. And all we really can do is study up, in case something like this happens again. With the way things go at Hogwarts, I don’t think that day is very far.

How did your summer go, though? Was the supplemental learning as boring as it sounded? Did you get to spend lots of time with Cassie? I know it’s almost over, but I’m not sure if I would rather stay here in this heavy house, or go back to Hogwarts where I’m just as defeated. But I hope everything is going well for you. I should get to packing.

Energise, Captain Kirk.