#like. i want to die every day i literally fantasize about getting into a fatal car accident on the way to work every day

[evilrry]

can someone please tell me why my mom always asks why i’m stressed and then follows it up with “oh if you only knew what stressed feels like” as if its my fault our lives are different! just because i only have to take care of myself doesn’t mean im not stressed out!

[allyvampirelass29]

Murder at Cripple Creek

A NOS4A2 Review By: Allyssa J. Watkins

A boomtown swimming with ghosts Dead eyes can't hide Their hedonist living Drinking, debauchery and sinning Scarlet ladies having babies But a whorehouse is not a home Trading flesh for coin Tempting patrons, at the sacrifice of your boy Little Charlie grew up in the hellish dark The sins of the mother Scarring the son's heart Murder brewing in this simmering fleshpot Oh Hateful Harlot, Mother Manx Is is to your neglect and bitter thanks Your baby boy, molested, and you can't protect Your little dreamer from the wicked world you wrought for him Blood on a beautiful boy's hands But the only thing murdered here Is his innocence. Sending his rapist and that lustful bitch Back to hell Charlie, Charlie you're not a villain You had to save yourself.......

Is...... anyone alive out there? It's been days, and I'm still sobbing, my heart desolated by the roiling emotional turmoil, my ignited rage murderous. I don't know about you guys, but...... I'm an absolute wreck. WHY are you DOING this to me, NOS4A2!?!? After the brilliant turn of last week, the sleek sophistication, and glamourous entrapment, "Cripple Creek," was a backhand strike, a blatant violation that I never saw coming, and I spent the entire episode, quivering, sobbing, pleading desperately behind my hands plastered over my face, watching between my fingers, helpless to stop the punishing abuse My Charlie suffers in two different timelines, his bruises of an abused childhood mingling with the fresh wounds of now, as he is tortured, beaten and berated by Bing Partridge!!!

I hated this episode. I HATED it. There, I said it. But I think you're supposed to, I think that was the sole purpose of this traumatizing ordeal. However, as far as Bing (GO TO HELL YOU FILTHY BASTARD) is concerned, the writer's motivation seems drastically convoluted. If this was supposed to be Bing's Big Epiphany, his "redemption," (Ughhh seriously?) This episode fails miserably in accomplishing that. And if this episode was meant to do, what I had predicted back in Season One, cement him as the actual villain of NOS4A2, making him the more immoral evil, be his rise in notoriety, his coming of age as it were, into the monster he was always going to be, giving Charlie and Vic someone to unite their hatred against, it fails to do that too. The biggest misstep of the series, after so elegant a triumph, I'm going to drown my sorrows in ice cream, and try to forget that any of it ever happened. Close your eyes, and think of Christmasland........

I audibly groaned when we opened onto Bing at the Lake House. After so much needless repetition in an otherwise FLAWLESS episode, I REALLY did not want to relive Bing's point of view of the siege, unless it was him getting shot by white knight Chris McQueen over, and over, and over........ Thankfully, the rewind didn't last too long, but I was having NONE of his, "Are you there, God, it's me, Bing Partridge," moment!!! On his knees in the graveyard, (Why...... why are we in a graveyard?) Bing appeals to the heavens, proclaiming his own innocence, asking God to show him what he should do next. I snickered coldly, the whole thing melodramatic, and absurd, as he cries, "I've been so good!!!" Secretly, I was fantasizing about Buffy SLAYING his creepster ass in the graveyard, beating him bloody, before staking him in the heart with a witty saying like, "It's been a gas, Bing, but I get the last laugh!!!" Alas, alack, no such luck. His appeal to the heavens was answered not in divine intervention, but with bird droppings splattering in his mouth, which of course, translated in Bing-A-Ling Logic to, "Kill the FIRST person that tries to help you, bury him in the freshly dug grave, and take his keys!!!" It's PRAYING Bing, you dolt, not preying!!!

While the side quest FINALLY explains how Bing was able to catch up to Charlie and Wayne, after previously believed to be on foot, not to mention shot, which would have been IMPOSSIBLE, supernatural car not withstanding, it's altogether unnecessary. It was the less than scenic route to get to last week's blood-curdling cliff hanger, and I really think we could have done without all the maudlin hullaballoo, and picked right up from there. Also, it creeped me out BIG TIME hearing Bing Partridge say, "Hidey holes," because that's what I called them last week, when Charlie was adorably telling Wayne about his hiding places. "Look at you with your hidey holes, Babe!!!" Needless to say, Bing has ruined that phrase for me FOREVER!!!

"Charlie, Charlie, telling lies, soon he will be crying cries......" A chilling foreboding that was like ice in my veins........ I was definitely crying cries...... I literally WEPT with this horrid little rhyme, and even still I was so naïve, unprepared, for the gut-churning horror that waited in the shadows of a broken little boy's murdered childhood, and the degradation of the beautiful soul that survived it. It's one of the most grueling, and disturbing things, I've ever watched, and like my Darling Boy, strapped to the chair, enduring forced interrogation by gassing, brutal beatings by Bing's homicidal, ham-fisted punches, and some....... deeply unsettling sexual innuendo, I felt like I was the one getting tortured.........

I did utterly enjoy Charlie's feigned relief, as he uses that silver tongue, in valiant effort, to slip his way out of this sickening predicament. "Bing, My Dear Fellow, thank the stars! I thought you had been done in by those wretched McQueens!!" Charlie gasps, thankfully, knowing full well he'd left Bing behind to die, and for good reason. Any other time, this would have worked, Charlie would have used his coaxing charm, and Bing's oafish gullibility, twisted them into a breathtaking manipulation, weaving the lie that he had no choice but to leave him behind, and Bing would have eaten it out of the palm of his hand, because he wants that badly for it to be true. But Bing watched it happen, his face falling, as Charlie sped off without him, and he's DONE playing. Charlie's pleas fall on deaf ears, as Bing drugs him for answers, revealing the fatalities of every single one of Charlie's former accomplices, and with the finality of one apocalyptic truth....... Bing descends into a frenzied, foaming madness.

"Cripple Creek," is the double edged sword that none of us were meant to survive. Switching between the stabbing scenes of Charlie's withering assault, his lifeline to The Wraith, cruelly severed, and the slicing violation of his childhood self, his innocence massacred before our very eyes, our bleeding hearts never stood a chance. I always knew that Charlie's childhood was going to be horrid, downright Dickensian, devoid of magic and light, unloved by his drunk, whore mother, but I had no idea the HELL this beautiful boy endured at so tender an age, forever scarred, betrayed by the one person he trusted, respected, desperately in need of a father figure, only to be exploited in the most heinous way. It's a MIRACLE My Precious Love can even function as an adult, much less still manage to find wonder and beauty in the world, clinging, clawing to hold onto his ember, his remnant of pure light that persevered in a life of darkness.

The inexplicable joy at seeing a young Charlie Manx, aged 11 or 12, tapdancing on stage, along with the giddy marvel that this young actor looks just like our leading man in miniature, is short-lived, as a stranger takes an uncomfortable interest in him....... I don't know how, maybe it was the intent way he watched him dance, or the way he touched his shoulder a little too long, but I knew........ I KNEW this man was going to sexually abuse Charles, I felt it gnawing in my stomach, instantly unnerved, and I hoped with all my heart, my first instinct was wrong....... I'm devastated to say........ it was not.

Not only does this manipulative pedophile Son of a BITCH molest my baby, he first uses him to persuade other boys to flock to his house, knowing full well how much the young ones look up to Charlie, as their leader. He wins Charlie's favour and trust by befriending him, and giving our little darling the one thing he wants more than anything else. Escape. Escape from the vulgar, gratuitously sexual environment, that no young boy should have to endure, a chance to make money, have an honest, respectable living. A chance to have a father figure, a man to look up to, learn from, and take him under his wing. The shop owner offers all of that, with a crooked smile, the charade falling dangerously away, as he knocks back a shot glass, eying our boy, and then says in the cruelest, most chilling voice. "You've earned yourself some fun........"

Thankfully, NOS4A2 was not overly graphic in this lewd portrayal, but the innuendo was enough to make me ugly cry, and seethe, as this sweet child is violated by someone he admires so much, realizing in horror, that he led all of his friends to be mishandled in this same disgusting manner, like lambs to the slaughter. But our brave little Manx was NOT going to let this sin go unpunished, and I clapped, cheering him on, as he uses his sled, now tainted by its means of acquisition, to kill the shopkeeper, dark fire flashing in his eyes, blood splattering on the shot glass, and I've never been so happy, or nervously relieved to see someone die.

His mother comes to him, and instead of crying, and taking her boy in her arms, stroking his dark curls, soothing his fear, and assuaging his guilt, she just scoffs at his accusation, the picture of apathy, and places the blame back on him. "You knew too, Charlie!!!" You WHORE-ABLE Mother!!! Your son was just sexually ASSAULTED, and YOU DARE make it his own fault, like he'd turned a blind eye, and therefore deserved to get raped!?!? Charlie might not have killed her, if she'd actually had a maternal bone in her body, if she'd done SOMETHING, shown any sign of regret or compassion, but she doesn't, and I feel nothing but proud as he finishes her off too. Her death was surprising, given the admonishing way Charlie talks about his mother, creating the impression that she'd been a bane on his existence his entire life, and yes, as a writer, I wanted to see more of a direct conflict between them to make that defining moment that much more satisfying, but as a viewer, I was just grateful she was dead, and Charlie was free. The only murder perpetrated, the only death I mourned at Cripple Creek, was that of Charlie's innocence, his childhood slaughtered.

Meanwhile, Bing continues to torture Charlie in the present day, my chest shuddering with every thrown punch, and I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming. What was the deafening truth spoken that sends Bing Partridge into a flailing rage, you ask?

"Christmasland is for children. We are special...... That's why we can't go......."

Charlie was never going to take Bing to Christmasland. All that this poor dope had lived for, dreamed of, for eight years, amidst his conning his way into dentists' offices, and offing mothers, and it was always a lie. I had suspected it the entire time, especially after the mention of a, "special feast," but what SHOCKED me the most, was the unimaginable heartbreak of Charlie's own deepest secret coming to light, and as Bing draws it forth, it's like drawing blood. In spite of being the architect of his lifelong dream, and greatest solace from a life full of abject misery, Charlie doesn't think he deserves Christmasland, because he sees himself as ruined........

I broke down sobbing, that pain, that anguish, that he's so long carried with him, ripping through me, and I'm tearing up even as I write this, remembering....... Charlie denying himself his own dream, seeing himself as a ruined article that might profane its pure vision, is a tragedy that I can't come back from. It's a sorrowful, aching confession, and yet somehow it explains so much, and in this, his greatest pain, his darkest secret, I felt intimately closer to him. At last........ we see why Charlie never stays long in his Christmas kingdom, why he's so focused on the next child, and the next, sacrificing time with his own daughter, because they deserve Christmasland, and he doesn't. Always the courier, never the partaker. Christmasland is for children, and Charlie Manx never got the chance to be one.

The searing pains of his past still guide so much of who he is today, placing a strict emphasis on propriety in every aspect of his person, in manner, speech, and dress, because he was robbed of his dignity as a child. I also, FINALLY, after two seasons, understand why he turns the children into vampires, a contradiction to his love of them, that has remained frustratingly elusive to my grasp. Charlie's childhood was taken from him, brought to a vulnerable, violent end, and by turning the Lost Children, theirs becomes eternal. They never have to grow up, and lose that purity, that innocence. I also realized, that by giving them their bite back, they are able to defend themselves, meaning no one can ever hurt them again.......

There was so much awful going on, so much inflicted misery, and disorienting chaos, that I was sure I'd heard wrong when Bing decides on an even more dehumanizing method of torture. Did Bing just...... call Charlie a BITCH!? I shook my head, but there it was again, and at this point I'd HAD it. Somebody give me a GUN, I will WASTE this SICK BASTARD myself!!! The skeevy sexual threat against Charlie felt like overkill to me, utterly ridiculous, a cheap shot at adding dramatic effect, especially in the face of his childhood shame. Bing has exhibited absolutely no inclination of...... swinging that way, as it were, before, and yeah they kind of threw in last minute that he'd done this to Mike's father, offscreen, but I don't know WHY he would do that, especially given his particular affinity for Mike. Charlie, himself, pointed out that there was no indication in the Graveyard of What Might Be that Mike needed saving, or that his father deserved punishing. It's awkward, and disturbing, and there seemed to me no method in this madness.

"If I'm a monster....... who deserves to die....... You deserve so much worse." BAM. Hell yeah, Babe!!! Thank GOD, Charlie's quick enough to convince Bing that he too is a monster, and we are spared any further asinine innuendo. Bing, after these series of unfortunate events, beating, berating, and threatening Charlie with rape, suddenly, deus ex machina-esque has a change of heart, and an epiphany that comes a LOT TOO LATE!!! We're both monsters, we BOTH deserve to die....... What we're doing is WRONG. Was I happy when Bing urged Wayne to go, and tell a police officer that his mom is Vic McQueen? Yes. Do I believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart, and has finally seen the light? Freaking HELL NO!!! Bing, after losing Christmasland, has nothing left to live for, and this is his way of giving up. If I can't go to Christmasland, Wayne can't go...... and he decides a bizarre murder/suicide in The Wraith is his final act of redemption.

Before they even showed the car crusher, I was already sobbing profusely, losing my freaking mind, because I had figured out exactly where Bing had taken Charlie.

"There's going to be two less monsters in the world........"

Meaning to crush them both, and kill the Wraith irrevocably, Bing puts on his mask, and presses the button. At first Wayne laughs, and thinks it's a game, his inner vampire child coming out, but when it hits him that Charlie's in actual danger, he realizes he has a choice to make....... Save Charlie Manx, or let him die, and go home safe to his Mom and Lou.

"No, My Boy, this isn't a game, it's time to play, Save Father Christmas!!!"

Charlie calls out frantically, coaxingly to his young charge, and I loved that so much, my heart overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, Wayne, PRETTY PLEASE save Father Christmas!!! A lot of people despised him for what happened next, screaming at Wayne for his choice, even calling him a stupid kid, but I, myself, felt even more love in my heart for that already dearly cherished little lad, as he smiles, and slams down on the button, halting the crusher, and saving Charlie from imminent death.

It's a profound moment, the abductee choosing to save his kidnapper's life, and many cried out strongly against it, but you have to understand....... Charlie Manx has become so much more to Wayne than the scary face in his mother's paintings. Here is a man that has shown genuine interest in his life, his hopes, his dreams, who has treated him gently, fussed over him, concerned, and who has come to love him like a father. Couple that with The Wraith's effects on Wayne, slowly tying the two of them together, it makes perfect sense to me, how this unexpected bond has formed. Yes, had Vic been there, herself, he would have chosen her over Charlie in a second, but when faced with the reality of letting Charlie die, our tender-hearted Bats just couldn't do it.

"Do think of me at Christmastime, won't you?"

CHARLIE. LIKE. A. BOSS!!!! The single greatest moment, and brightest scene in an hour of plunging darkness, is definitely Charlie, snapping back into his delectably dark, unrivaled perfection (although, I must say I still found him incredibly dashing in his distinguished grays) charging Bing Partridge, murder striking in his wild, smouldering eyes, stabbing him, with a reveling whisper, twisting the knife, with this most PERFECT line, that gave me wonderous, reverberating chills!!! I also LOVED how Charlie glowers in his lumpy face and says, "You were never special." DAMN that's HOT!!! My only grievance with an otherwise ENTHRALLING moment, was that inexplicably, yet again, CHARLIE DIDN'T KILL BING!!! Charlie has KILLED for so much less, and while he did offer a vague explanation about prison being so much worse for Bing than hell, it felt like hell frozen over that Charlie would ever let Bing live. I know this is the writers wanting to keep Bing around to creep another day, but MY GOD, hang that Partridge from a pear tree, and HAVE DONE already!!!!!

This was an especially dark episode, but there were flashes of some really beautiful, albeit fleeting moments, first with Wayne and Craig, and then with Millie and Cassie, though the reoccurring theme, the common thread, did seem to be Innocence Lost. I was startled with the The Wraith's sneaky trick of causing a child to forget their parents the longer they are in the car, and BLESS YOU, Craig for helping your son remember his mother, and fight the transformation!!! He tells Wayne that Vic's favourite movie was Jaws, and Wayne tells him that her favourite holiday is the 4th of July. (Which is really cool, because it's my favourite too!!!) This slows the Wraith's effects on Wayne, and becomes a very special moment between father and son, as they fight to keep Vic's memory alive.

"How do you know my mom?"

"She was my best friend."

More overwhelmed sobs, because apparently I haven't cried enough this episode!!! Craig decides not to tell Wayne that he's his father, but our little Bats is ingeniously clever, and I think he's going to figure it out before long!!! Another mini heart attack comes with a second lost tooth. The suspense of Wayne's slow turning, mirroring the tender emotion in this scene was fantastic.

Millie and her mother have a similar moment, and I thought that was BRILLIANT of her to introduce Vampire Millie to her former human self. The two play with dolls, and human Millie talks about how she can't wait to go on a date, and have adventures when she grows up! It's such an endearing scene, and also incredibly sad, as the pale, gaunt shell of Vampire Millie envies her bright, and bubbly human counterpart, seeing the hope and innocence that she's so long been bereft of. "She's me...... Who I'm supposed to be." Cassie explains that her father's sad fantasy is depriving Millie of the gift of growing up, and explains that there's nothing Charlie Manx fears more than a woman with her own mind, and that's the LAST thing he wants his beloved daughter to become. A woman that would eventually leave him. More tears. Poor Millie. Poor Charlie!! Can I just give everybody a hug!?

"Cripple Creek," lingers like BAD Dream, and all I want to do right now, is curl up with Charlie Manx, hold him in my arms, stroke his cheek, soothe him with the tenderest hands, and softest words, tell him he's beautiful, and that he deserves Christmasland, and the world, that he's not ruined, but PURE!!! This was my least favourite episode in the entire series, and just like, "The Gas Mask Man," will be skipped indefinitely in the re-watch, but like I said, it endeared Charlie even more to my heart, and I feel fiercely protective over him, over that goodness that still glows in his dark eyes, despite lifetimes of feeling unloved, and in ever-present pain. All I ever wanted in Season One, was a glimpse into the past that crafted my mysterious and refined vampire chauffeur, and this entire experience, My Darlings, is an exercise in, "Be Careful What You Wish For..........."

[the-signs-of-two]

I have an exam today, so this’ll be quick, but just... no worries, guys. No worries. I’ve obviously not had time to do a full subtextual analysis of mirrors and symbols and everything, but honestly... I don’t think the Johnlock plot is buried deep enough for that to be strictly necessary anymore. This is literally the top layer of this episode:

Sherlock returns from his 4-minute exile high as a kite, but he’s also drunk on a mixture of extreme joy and extreme sorrow. He’s joyful that he’s back and alive and with John, but he’s also heartbroken that John has chosen to be a husband and a father and fulfill his duties to his family. During the next weeks, Sherlock busies himself with cases as he always does when he’s actually hurting so much that he can’t stand being fully present in his own life. He fiddles constantly with his phone/heart, but it’s neither fulfilling the purpose of distracting him nor fulfilling the purpose of helping him track down Moriarty. He’s completely passionless and it shows in the fact that he’s lost his edge, he doesn’t seem enthusiastic when solving cases at all anymore. Sherlock, though, is adamant that he is going to protect the life John seems to want to lead, even though John’s choice breaks his heart.

Meanwhile, John is feeling absolutely miserable in his family. He obviously loves his daughter, but being a father and a husband is simply unfulfilling for him in every way. He misses Sherlock, who spends a lot of time away from him because he can’t stand seeing John with his family, and he literally cannot stand being around Mary. As a result of all this frustration and bottled up emotion, John considers cheating on Mary with the first woman to show any interest in him and accepts her phone number, sending her a text. Notice how Mary and Rosie aren’t enough to make him throw away the phone number. That night, though, he receives a text from Sherlock (it’s quite obvious from the facts that the two texting know each other well, that they haven’t seen each other for a long time and that Sherlock texts “Miss you”, paralleling “Miss me?” from TAB) and decides then and there that he isn’t going to start an affair.

This cheating bit seems to worry a lot of people, but it really, really shouldn’t. First of all, it shows that John is human too and a fully fleshed out character with complex problems. Second of all, can it get much more Johnlock than this? John is so miserable with Mary that he’s willing to start an affair with a random woman he randomly meets in a bus. The image of his own wife and child on his phone isn’t enough to make him forget about it, but one text from Sherlock on his phone is enough for him to break it off before it even starts (on the grounds that he is “not free” and not on the grounds that he is “married”, indicating that he’s thinking of Sherlock here, not Mary). Moftiss could not make it any clearer that the one John loves is Sherlock, not Mary. I mean, think about it. He is willing to cheat on his wife and the mother of his child, but he is unwilling to “cheat” on Sherlock, whom he isn’t even in a relationship with. Seriously. That’s the show. Right there, that’s actually what we saw last night.

It also means that when John sees the woman from the bus while on the plane, he is not fantasizing, he’s feeling guilty. Remember that he’s on this plane with both Mary and Sherlock. And it means that what John is trying to tell Mary in the later parts of the episode is that he isn’t actually a good husband because he has always been in love with Sherlock, not because he considered cheating on Mary for, like, one day.

Then comes the actual case and I’m just going to put this out there: Moriarty is alive. He has been closely monitoring everything, waiting for the right moment to start the final act of his grand plan to burn the heart out of Sherlock and make him into the perfect boyfriend. This is all Moriarty’s doing and this is how he has been planning to burn the heart out of Sherlock all along.

We already know that Moriarty’s main sphere of influence is Eastern Europe and we already know that Moriarty has control over people in the British government. We are also told that AGRA worked/works for whomever pays the most money. So is it really so difficult to believe that Moriarty was the one arranging the hostage situation? That Moriarty was the one ordering Lady Smallwood to send in AGRA? That Moriarty was the one ordering/inspiring/helping Norbury to give it all up? That Moriarty was the one ordering his Georgian helpers to capture Ajay and deliberately let him believe that Mary had betrayed him? Is it really so difficult to believe that Moriarty would willfully create a situation in which he had an assassin running from her past on hand to send into John’s life, but also another assassin on hand to kill her whenever he desired and without it being possible to trace it all back to him? The answer is no. No, it really isn’t difficult to believe that.

So let me propose the following: Moriarty has created a situation in which both Mary and Ajay are his pawns, Mary knowingly and Ajay unknowingly. Mary knows that her mission is to separate Sherlock and John and make John distance himself from Sherlock forever. We can see throughout the episode (and the entire last season) that she is working on this. She’s deliberately planting the idea in John’s mind that the one Sherlock really loves and cares about and needs to be his partner both romantically and when solving crimes is her and not John. And Sherlock, who’s desperate to ensure that John gets the life he seems to want, is playing right into her hand by trying to mend the relationship between them for John’s sake.

Additionally, I think Mary knows the end game. So I think she knows that she’s meant to “sacrifice” herself for Sherlock in the end, meaning that she will die a martyr and thus forever be between John and Sherlock, and she accepts this mission.

At some point, Moriarty decides that it’s time for the last stage of his grand plan and he orders his Georgian helpers to let Ajay go. I mean, the timing of this is way too purposeful for it to be a coincidence. As predicted, Sherlock is willing to give his all to protect Mary/John’s family. And as predicted, Mary doesn’t give two fucks about him and goes off on her own. Mary has now entered the final phase of her mission, showering John with heartwarming letters, praise and loving admiration. She’s never, ever done this before. She knows the game is almost up and she has to ensure that she plays her part convincingly. If she really meant any of this, she would always have acted like this. But she hasn’t.

It turns out that Mary was the one to give Sherlock the clue he needs to solve the case. Surprise. Not.

Then Mary dies just as she was supposed to do. You can even see her glancing up at Sherlock during the conversation and moving closer/more in front of him when she goes to “attack” Norbury and is called back. She knows, guys. She knows what’ll happen. It’s not chance, it’s chess. Also, she doesn’t really hold back her hatred for Sherlock unless John happens to be around, so her legitimately sacrificing herself for Sherlock and thus redeeming herself makes no sense character-wise. Like… she would totally be happy to get rid of her rival without having to do any of it herself if she wanted to be with John, I’m telling you.

Finally, Mary makes the most manipulative death speech committed to television yet. It can basically be summed up as 1) John, you are the most amazing human being ever, I’m so happy we met, never change, I love you forever AKA massive guilt trip, 2) Sherlock, I really do care about you, do you care about me as well AKA planting even more suspicion in John’s mind and 3) Sherlock, it’s alright you didn’t save me, I think we’re even now AKA massive blame game. Also, no. Willfully shooting someone fatally so only a miracle saved them and being ready to take a bullet to save someone but then being prevented from doing so by that someone jumping in front of you to take it themselves is not the fricking same thing, Mary! It doesn’t make Sherlock guilty of your death as you were guilty of his almost-death. Stop manipulating them. Stop.

While this conclusion, that Mary has not in fact redeemed herself but only carried out Moriarty’s orders in order to separate John and Sherlock, is mostly based on logic, there’s also indirect evidence quite visible in the episode itself. In the first plane scene, Mary is sat in the seat closest to the aisle, there’s an empty seat in the middle and a man sitting by the window. In the second plane scene, Mary is sat closest to the aisle, there’s an empty seat in the middle and John is sitting by the window. These two scenes are completely parallels. In the first plane scene, Mary is annoying the hell out of the man and he very obviously just wants for her to leave him alone, an exact parallel to how Mary and John’s relationship is portrayed throughout the entire series, but especially in this episode. Then, Mary fakes feeling ill in order to gain sympathy and it works brilliantly. So we can assume she’s doing the same to John at the end.

For the record, it can also suggest that Mary is faking her death, which could also help explain why she would be willing to go through with it. This means she might return later to finally be revealed as the villain that she is so John and Sherlock can move on with their lives together with absolutely 0 problems, just like how Irene was safe in the end so she didn’t weigh on Sherlock’s mind.

The result is exactly what Moriarty has planned all along. John is devastated. Not because he loved her. He doesn’t cry or go to visit his therapist, which we saw him do after Sherlock’s “death”. Instead, he growls despairingly. This is because he isn’t feeling grief at her death. He’s feeling guilt. Guilt that he wasn’t a good husband for her, or a good father for Rosie for that matter. Guilt that he couldn’t go through with this life but always kept wanting Sherlock instead. Guilt that things didn’t work out the way they should have. This moment brings up all the guilt that has always been in John for loving Sherlock and for not being able to commit to an “ordinary” life as a devoted husband, loving father and professional doctor. That is why he takes it out on Sherlock. He knows deep down that it’s not Sherlock’s fault that Mary died, that it’s not Sherlock’s fault that John loves him more than he ever could possibly love Mary. He feels it’s all his fault because he loves Sherlock and he can’t deal with that. So he snaps. Consider what the situation must look like from John’s perspective. He chose Mary even after Sherlock came back because he felt that that would be safer for him. But he couldn’t do what was expected of him. He couldn’t make Mary happy, he couldn’t stop loving someone else, he couldn’t be invested in their shared life. He might not have actually cheated on her, but she never had his heart and now she’s sacrificed herself to save the one John truly loves. And to top it all off, it seems as if John cannot even be with Sherlock now because Sherlock always loved Mary and not him. So Mary’s sacrifice has all been for nothing. No wonder he’s suffocated by guilt. No wonder he lashes out at Sherlock for indirectly, albeit unwillingly, causing this by being so perfect that John couldn’t help but love him. No wonder his immediate reaction is to withdraw from Sherlock, to declare that he no longer wants Sherlock in his life. When John accuses Sherlock of making a vow he couldn’t keep, who do you really think he’s talking about here? By God, this is painful.

It also works the other way. The heart is now being burned out of Sherlock. Moriarty has successfully carried out his master plan. So I think it’s very reasonable to assume that Moriarty will come back in TLD to try to claim his big prize. I also think it’s very reasonable to assume that the estrangement between John and Sherlock will culminate in TLD. It’ll be horrible. But it also means that everything is ready for The Final Problem. It means that everything is now positioned so the big moment, where Moriarty is defeated and Sherlock and John can finally finally be happy together simultaneously, is just around the corner. Have faith. We’re all going to die watching TLD, but it’ll be okay, because Sherlock and John will end up together in another city, far away from Death.