#like. i just cried to those two because i cant comprehend how a song can be so so beautiful | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alonetimelover · 2 years ago

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Action! - 2023 - Social Media

Pairings: Director!Reader x Joseph Quinn (+Ex!Harry Styles)

Warnings: swearing, some angst in comments(?)

Summary: Harry unexpectedly releases a new album. Fans are shocked. Twitter is in flames. A small restaurant in London becomes a gossip place. New beginning.

Side note: The album is made of songs by Joji, Bruno Major, Giveon and Lewis Capaldi.

Also it was supposed to have a written blurb within, but it already has 3k words. Just let me know if you want to read about Joe listening to the album and the confrontation.

check out this series SM posts! part1 part2 part3 part4 part5

series masterlist feedback

Part based on a message I got from @little-freak-satellite. thank you and I hope you enjoy it!

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harrystyles

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harryupdates, harrysmoustache, hArrysbtch, harryshoee and 19 192 828 others

harrystyles •1133•27192• my new album is OUT AT MIDNIGHT

view all 483 392 comments

hArrysbtch im sorry sir- YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR MONTHS AND NOW YOURE COMING BACK WITH A WHOLE NEW ALBUM- WITHOUT A WARNING???? WTF MAN

harrysmoustache excuse me???? i- speechless

harryupdates another sleepless night, thank you, harry!

ynupdates oh... i have a bad feeling

⤷ ynsmybestie i do too, i hope it's nothing too bad

⤷ ynshands besties.... you think he wrote a whole album for her (again)?

⤷ ynsmybestie probably. look at the artwork. his hand is real and has a shadow. the other one is only a shadow. this person is probably no longer with him, just like yn

⤷ ynshands noooo, im not ready to cry 😓

⤷ ynsmymama i did a quick calculation and, well, 1133 days are 27192 hours, it's about 3 years and a month...

⤷ ynshands youre kidding! the time they were in a relationship is an album title?????

⤷ ynsmybestie oh god, he really hasn't moved on

annetwist ❤️

harryshoee ehmm, are you okay??

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harryupdates

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by ynupdates hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache, harrysmylife and 10 182 others

harryupdates Like you all know Harry announced today his newest album - 1133 27192. His website also got an update - after it loads on your computer for a split second one of 13 photos is shown. Each photo can be seen only once on an individual IP address. Those photos are the ones that got caught by fans.

1133 27192 out at midnight. Pre-save it on Apple Music and Spotify now!

view all 2 028 comments

ynupdates this is so fucked up... harry, what are you doing...

ynshands he used the photos we've never seen of them???? wtf, harry. wtf

ynsmybestie im ready to fight him. yn just got married two months ago, and had her first baby and he's pulling this shit??? nah, man. not with me those tricks

ynshands im just wondering if there wasn't even one person on his team that said 'Harry, its a little too far' BECAUSE IT IS TOO FUCKING FAR!!!

harrysmoustache well, i cant keep defending you, harry

harryshoee at least these are some nice photos! 😬

user182 isn't that an invasion of privacy?

joeandynfann im wondering what joe's thinking of it

⤷ ynshands this poor man. he's a new dad, has a wonderful wife, and needs to somehow deal with her unrestrained ex

⤷ ynsmybestie i feel so bad for him. if i were him, i would probably not last with yn. he loves her so much 🫠

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twitter

yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

you remember me from Harry's house breakdown? well, the 'numbers' album dropped almost six hours ago and let me tell you... i've listened to it 5 times already, cried my eyes out - im dehydrated. but...this album is just for, about and everything YN so i have to do a breakdown (1)

16k comments 💬 80k shares 🔃 201k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornorbabe 2h

1. she chose me: it's the easy one - song that didn't make it to Fine Line (Harry's house too). just harry not comprehending how YN could love him. 'Why was it I and nobody else? The most beautiful girl that I'd ever seen And she chose me' (2)

14k comments 💬 65k shares 🔃 193k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

2. tapestry: through the first listen - this was the song that firstly made me cry. it's basically harry's response to champagne problems (that i BET is a story about how yn rejected his proposals). in champagne problems there is a line 'you'll find the real thing instead, she'll patch up your tapestry that i shread'. and harry's responding yn with 'you'll always be a part of my tapestry' meaning - without you, no one will patch up this tapestry - his life. ALSO it's a second on the album, just like champagne problems is. (3)

17k comments 💬 15k shares 🔃 65k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

3. nothing: again a song that didn't make it to Fine Line (either Harry's house) 'there is nothing like doing nothing with you' (4)

11k comments 💬 12k shares 🔃 57k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

4. pointless: ehh, this is a song where harry is in denial, i think. he's singing about how well yn and he know, love and cherish each other. 'i'll wait for you, you'll wait for me too' is repeated throughout the whole song until the actual end - when he realises the truth 'of all the things I'm chasing, there's only one I choose, everything is pointless without you'. (5)

15k comments 💬 14k shares 🔃 57k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

5. feeling like the end: i think he wrote this song while being angry, quite blaming yn for what had happened between them 'you used to promise me it would be forever, feeling like the end, don't think it will get better' (6)

13k comments 💬 16k shares 🔃 60k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

6. unholy matrimony: CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS CONFIRMED! harry did propose to yn, she rejected him - break up. but this song is more or less a hypothetical turn of events if she accepted engagement. 'now i know we'll never know what happens when our love just ain't the same no more' - maybe it would be different if their love stayed the same. 'our love story's ended way too soon, you're supposed to love to the tomb' and also 'love will give you what you need but also take what you don't appreciate' (7)

14k comments 💬 17k shares 🔃 62k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

7. before the day is over: i think it made be the first song he wrote after the reality kicked in - yn was not his anymore, he wasn't hers; but he was still hoping she would call, text. 'say something soon, we might lose it all'. and then 'i can't take another day, i could go insane, there's only so much i can take' he deep down knew it was ultimate end, no turning back, no 'saying something soon'. (8)

16k comments 💬 16k shares 🔃 61k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

8. die for you: song about harry getting to know about yn and joe being together. 'i heard that you're happy without me, and i hope it's true' 'i hope you're getting everything you needed' when he is 'not the same without your head on my shoulder' 'and it's true i need you here closer'. yn being happy is killing him but 'that's okay 'cause i'd still die for you'. and they're not friends because 'only time we speak is in my dreams' im crying again... (9)

19k comments 💬 15k shares 🔃 65k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 1h

9. glimpse of us: BE AWARE ! WATERFALL OF TEARS ! harry has/had a new woman, she's perfect but he still wishes it was yn - because 'sometimes when i look into her eyes, and that's where i found a glimpse of us'. he's a dick. because that lovely woman is his rebound. and then this man is crossing a line, ladies, gentleman and non-binary folks - 'maybe one day you'll feel lonely and in his eyes you'll get a glimpse, maybe you'll start slipping slowly and find me again' THE NERVE ?! im so angry but im crying so much as well (10)

21k comments 💬 19k shares 🔃 71k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 1h

10. dissolve: here he knows that it was a dick move in glimpse of us, he sings 'who the hell am I to think you're my angel from above? it's not right' BRAVO, it's not, harry. and then again 'you got the life you always wanted, please don't leave me behind'. he can't stand yn being happy with joe (11)

15k comments 💬 17k shares 🔃 64k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 1h

11. heartbreak anniversary: so, after using my math skills i calculated when the heartbreak happened. it was around 3rd of July 2020 - around the same day and month in 2023 yn's pregnancy got revealed. i think (i'm certain) this song is a product of harry getting the news. (12)

13k comments 💬 18k shares 🔃 68k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 1h

12. to let a good thing die: it feels like a warning harry gives us, 'life isn't like a movie, but it sure will make you cry'. it also feels like harry's telling us about what that 'good thing' did to him, he wants to prevent us from that pain. ending the song with 'stop wishing for forever, 'cause nothing ever lasts, if it's keeping you from sleeping wipe the tear from you eye, 'cause sometimes, it's time to let a good thing die.' it's not a healthy advice but harry doesn't know any other, heartbreak consuming him still. (13)

16k comments 💬 19k shares 🔃 70k likes ❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 1h

13. the most beautiful thing: it might be a song where harry's saying that he's over yn. i don't believe it. in 'she chose me' he calls yn 'the most beautiful girl' and here he's singing 'the most beautiful thing that i have never seen'. maybe he wants something new, maybe his over yn, but considering he released 12 songs saying how much he still loves her, i don't buy this 'i'm over you' bullshit, a a (14)

18k comments 💬 16k shares 🔃 69k likes ❤️

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harrysbtch @iheartharryandyn 1h

i cried so much while listening to this album. and i still haven't stopped listening. he's voice - so heartbroken, hoarse and low???

1k comments 💬 0,4k shares 🔃 3k likes ❤️

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joseph my love @joemyman 1h

it's a beautiful album but i feel so sorry for joe, he hasn't got a day in peace since starting a relationship with yn

2k comments 💬 0,9k shares 🔃 5k likes ❤️

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yn the queen @ynmyqueenandsaviour 1h

@joemyman i just hope he and yn just haven't listened to it yet and don't plan to. it's really too much to handle, i think. especially with having a little baby under your roof.

2,3k comments 💬 1,1k shares 🔃 5,6k likes ❤️

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Instagram

joeandynupdates

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by ynupdates, harrysmoustache, harrysupdates, ynsmybestie and 8 292 others

joeandynupdates Joe this morning at the London café! The person that took the photo said that Joe was checking his phone constantly, getting visibly upset by something.

Just let me remind you that it's been just about 9 hours since Harry dropped another album about YN.

credit: josephmyman

view all 1 920 comments

ynupdates i hope it wasn't the moment he got the news about the album...

hArrysbtch i still have hope that Harry had contacted YN before releasing the album... i know, i am naive

harrysupdates please tell me no one was bothering this kind human being

⤷ josephmyman so hi! im the one that took the photo. After that, i politely walked up to him to just say hello and literally praise his work. he was soooo kind and lovely, so smily. he refused a photo ('so sorry, love') but propose a hug and to sign something for me. i was more than happy!

⤷ ynsmybestie do you know if him and yn know about the album?

⤷ josephmyman im more than certain. his phone was on the table and from the corner of my eye, i saw IG opened with a post about THAT album. he also smirked at my t-shirt (unfortunately i had a tee with harry's photo with the text 'that's my man' on it)

⤷ ynshands id love to see joe's face 💀

eddiesbaby dad life treating him well, look at this man 🤤

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yourinstagram

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by josephquinn, taylorswift, florencepugh, tchalamet, ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 11 028 383 others

yourinstagram meeting granny and papa for the first time 🩷 (I'm afraid i'm gonna turn into an instagram mum...)

view all 583 291 comments

josephquinn best nannies in the world

⤷ florencepugh excuse me?

⤷ taylorswift excuse me?

⤷ tchalamet excuse me?

⤷ yourbestfriend excuse me?

florencepugh little Mae my love 🥰

tchalamet THAT'S MY GODDAUGHTER!!! 👶

taylorswift look at her holding her head without a problem! she's growing up so quick 😭

⤷ yourinstagram don't, tay. i cried today because she has two times more hair than a few days ago...

ynshands her name is Mae???? it's so beautiful !!!!

⤷ ynsmybestie i think it's a nickname

⤷ ynsmymama what if its Maeve??? it matches and its from Irish mythology that yn likes so much

⤷ hArrysbtch yes!!! i agree! Maeve was a warrior queen!

harrysmoustache look at you being unbothered, Queen behaviour!!!!

harryupdates beautiful family! 😍

harrysmylife i think she still doesn't know about the album...

⤷ joemyman you think joe didn't tell her?

⤷ harrysmylife I mean... if I were joe, i wouldn't tell her

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ynupdates

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harryupdates, ynsmybestie, joeandynfann, ynshands and 28 293 others

ynupdates HARRY, YN AND JOSEPH WERE SPOTTED AT THE REASTAURANT TOGETHER !!!!

There is no information of where it was on who got the photo.

view all 6 293 comments

ynshands what in a matrix just happened?????

ynshands excuse me?????

ynshands im so confused i- WHAT?!

ynshands wtf

harrysmoustache jeixhejisjdjdiis you're kidding!!!!! its not real

hArrysbtch what in the fuck is going on???? is it real? is it photoshop? are the fans lying??? maybe it was someone else? not yn and joe? whaaaaat

joeandynfann this is so random

user492 is this some kind of pr move? why are they meeting in public?

⤷ ynsmybestie i may be wrong but I can't imagine yn inviting harry to her and Joe's home. and neither going to harry's house where they made so many memories

⤷ user492 it makes sense

⤷ user917 but why not some low-key restaurant?

⤷ ynsmymama tmz uploaded a video of them leaving. it's literally some small restaurant outside of London. there were just a few people there.

ynshands i calmed down, do we know more about it??

⤷ ynsmybestie well, apparently it was all about the album. a person that got the photo also recorded them. tmz has it on its website

harrysupdates oh, that's so strange

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tmz

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harrysmoustache, ynsmybestie and 293 292 others

tmz "Well, it's not only about you. Not everything is. She didn't have a say in it. You did it behind her back. The least you can do now is apologise. And I don't think your proud ass can do that." Those were some of the words that Harry Styles (29) heard from his ex-girlfriend - YN YSN - husband - Joseph Quinn (29). The actor didn't hold back with words towards the pop star and neither did YN - just calmer. To listen to their conversation go to the link in our bio!

view all 27 292 comments

harrysmoustache "You know how much it hurt to have my, our photos out there without permission. You said you felt the same. And now, you're reliving the past. But I'm the only one just off the boat. You betrayed all my trust, even the last strands of it that I've had." Oh man. it feels so wrong to listen to it, buuut tea 🍵 yn said what needed to be said

hArrysbtch "Man, I'm not asking you to do anything for me or because of me. I know you hate me, and if I'm being honest you're not my favourite person on the planet either, but if what you sing and write is true about YN, do it for her. For the last three years, she didn't catch a break. You're everywhere and it's tiring. You're a famous one, so you really can just stop this. For her." JOSEPH YOURE THE MAN I LOVE. LET ME GET ON MY KNEES.

ynsmybestie "Talk with Anne and Gemma. They know you like nobody else, they're there for you. Just, just get better, Harry. All of this is consuming you. You deserve better than still hanging on something that is no longer there." she still cares. she still is giving him advice. 😭

harrysmylife "I really am sorry, YN. Please tell Joseph. I regret, I regret what I did. I know it looks like a PR move. It wasn't. I just was a prick, did it for myself, for private benefit. I'm sorry for affecting you and your family, again. I'm so sorry, darling." HE SLIPPED THE PET NAME. HARRY YOU SIMP, OH GOD

harrysupdates i literally hate the person that recorded them

ynshands does the person that recorded know its illegal???

ynsmymama you're sick for uploading it! it was a private conversation!

⤷user396 they were in public. should've stayed at home.

⤷ ynsmymama just because it was at the restaurant, doesn't mean they had the right to record.

ynshands oh Harry... thank god Joseph is a nobleman and didn't beat your ass up. I wouldn't blame him. I'd beat you up if you were saying all this about MY WIFE

joeandynfann I can't believe im the only one drooling over joe smoking????? he looks so hot

⤷ ynshands it is!! but didn't he quit (because of becoming a dad)?

⤷ joemyman he did say that. maybe because of all the stress he just needed one?

joesupdates also joseph didn't say half of the things that are in your caption. why are you trying to put him in a bad light?

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esquire

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by yourinstagram, ynupdates, ynsmybestie, joeandynfann, joesupdates and 2 201 910 others

esquire "They are my whole world. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Being a husband and a father are the best things that happened to me in 2023 or my life. I'm just so happy with having met YN those four years ago. Without her, I really don't know who I'd be." says Joseph Quinn, this year's last front page star. To read the whole article click the link in bio, or buy the paper magazine!

photographed by yourinstagram

styled by yourinstagram

view all 102 392 comments

ynupdates "I don't want to comment on that. It has enough attention, in my mind. I'd just wish it all went differently. Preferably without affecting my wife this badly." I knew that YN wouldn't take that album slightly...

ynshands "My wife is, how can I say it without talking for hours? She's special. Too good for this world. My best friend, my love, the mother of our beautiful daughter. She went through so much the last few years, I still am in awe. She's the strongest woman I know." crying....

ynsmybestie "It's scary to have a child. That little baby's counting on you with their life. It's- it's absolutely terrifying. But seeing her grow so quickly, learn and just be happy with the world is super exciting." Maeve, baby, can I borrow your daddy for a day or two???

joemyman lookin good dad

yourinstagram is he single???

⤷ josephquinn nope. i have a wife, lady.

⤷ yourinstagram damn it!

florencepugh dad life is paying of, joseph

ynsmymama b e a u t i f u l man

harryupdates he's so in love with yn. it's lovely to see!

hArrysbtch happy to see them happy besides all the drama

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harrystyles stopped following yourinstagram

you deleted the number: yn🌻

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text messages between Harry and Anne

mum🩷

i did it. i'm starting fresh.

#action!universe #director!reader #joseph quinn x reader #harry styles angst #joseph quinn #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fake ig #harry styles x you #joseph quinn instagram #joseph quinn fic

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imagine-hamilfluff · 7 years ago

Text

If I Had My Choice: Part 11

Alexander x Female Reader

Part One

Previous Part | Next Part

Masterlist

Word Count: 5787

Tags: @yehummno @robotic-space @isntthisenoughwhatwouldbeenough @unprofessional-inhumanbeing @sorryimacrapwriter @a-meme-you-cant-sweat-out@justanotherhamiltrash@marquiis-de-la-baguette @akarihamada @voldecrux @whowrotetheother51@bruuuhhhh-here-i-am

A/N: I have risen from the dead! And by dead, I mean engineering classes! I apologize in advance though that engineering classes does mean my brain is a little fried, and this may be one of the more poorly written chapters, but to offset that bad news, I have some good news! This is my project for NaNoWriMo this year! So I should get it most of the way done. If you want to monitor my progress and write with me, go be my buddy on NaNo! My handle’s @haleighza. And please enjoy this chapter! (Also, the song at the end of the chapter is Hymn for Her by Anchor and Braille, if anyone’s interested.)

Alexander stiffened beside you as you both took an unconscious step away from each other. Your stomach began turning as the figure at the end of the hallway remained unresponsive.

With a shaky breath, you began walking towards the man at the other end of the hallway, but to your dismay, his eyes didn’t follow you. They remained locked on Alexander.

Still staring with an unreadable expression down the hall when you reached him, you gently laid your hands on his arms, your eyes pleading for his to meet yours. Startled by the contact, his eyes shot down to yours, this time with an emotion flooding them: betrayal.

You forced yourself not to flinch from the expression. “I- I can explain,” you whispered, but the words came out more forced than as an offer.

Your father’s eyes barely considered yours as they flicked back to Alexander. Instinctively, you glanced back at him as well and swallowed thickly as you noticed his petrified expression. Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and forced yourself to focus, fighting against your entire body’s instinct to panic. Anyone could walk down this hall right now and while they probably wouldn’t be able to draw any exact conclusions from the scene at hand, you couldn’t afford any rumors to fly. Because it only took so long for rumors to morph into the truth.

“Right, okay, we’re leaving,” you gritted, tightening your right hand on your father’s arm and pulling him down the hall away from Alexander, silently hoping Alexander would have the common sense not to follow you. Your father moved without comment, but then again he hardly ever had a comment. You dragged him through the manor until you reached his office, a recluse room as far away from your mother’s as it could be.

Once you were inside, you let go of his arm and quickly shut the door. Even though you had released him, he hadn’t moved from your side and you could still feel his presence as you stared at the door, hesitating to turn around. Biting your cheek to keep the tears building behind your eyes at bay, you tried to take a deep breath, waiting for your father to say something--anything. But when he remained silent, you decided to speak up.

“It’s not what you think,” you weakly reasoned, still facing your back towards him. But he still had nothing to say, so you turned around. He was staring at you, observing you, trying to piece together what was happening, and his eyes… his eyes looked as if they were trying to recognize the person standing in front of him. A tear fell onto your cheek.

You both stood there, staring at each other as the beats passed, but you refused to break the silence this time. And eventually, your father relented.

“I always thought you’d do better. But that boy is just your mother,” he confessed softly. There was no accusation in his voice, just disappointment as he turned from you and made his way towards his desk.

You stood stunned for a few seconds, trying to comprehend what your father just said. “He’s not Aremine,” you said simply, still in disbelief he would ever make the comparison. When your father refused to acknowledge your statement, you clenched your fist and gritted your teeth. “He’s not. He’s kind, and caring, and is actively working with us against her. If you read his papers, heard his ideas, you would like him, Father. I know you would.” You paused and waited for your father to respond, or even just look at you. But when he still ignored you, you became desperate. “I know what we’re doing is wrong, okay? I know how much it will hurt Bethany, and I don’t have an excuse. But we are not the mistakes of those who came before us. And I- I have it under control.” Your father’s eyes shot up to yours in an accusatory disbelief, so you doubled down on your statement. “I do. And when the time comes, I’ll end things between Alexander and I. Before anyone else finds out, and before Bethany is hurt. We both went into the relationship knowing there was an expiration date, so I promise… when the time comes, it’ll end.”

Your father stared at you, his expression softening ever so slightly, and you allowed yourself to let out a breath of relief. He still wasn’t happy with you, but his eyes conveyed that he would try to be understanding, and you supposed that’s all you could ask for.

Knowing you wouldn’t get any more conversation on the subject from your father, you turned dutifully to leave, but hesitated. Turning back to him slowly, you said in a steady voice, “Do I have your word you won’t speak of what you saw to anyone?” Your father met your eyes with a sort of regret in them, but relented a small nod. Satisfied, you left the room promptly, still shaking from the encounter.

When you had retreated all the way back to your hall, your skin became clammy noticing two people whispering seriously at the end of the hall. You stopped walking when Alexander’s eyes glanced over to yours and held them. The figure with him turned around, noticing his gaze, and you swallowed thickly when you recognized Bethany’s grim expression.

Briefly turning back and whispering something to Alexander, Bethany then turned and tried to confidently approach you in the hallway. Your feet felt cemented to the floor, at an utter loss as to why Bethany was looking at you so.

“Y/N,” Bethany greeted with a half attempted smile. “I was just looking for you, and Alexander was just telling me how you went to visit father this morning.”

“I’m back now,” you responded lamely, wishing Bethany didn’t have to always put up this pretense before she delivered bad news.

She grimaced at your response and clenched her eyes trying to compose herself. “Right, um…” she tried to begin, but she struggled to form the words. “I was looking for you because, well,” her sentence trailed off as she avoided your eyes.

“Bethany,” you leveled, needing to know what had your sister so worked up. “Whatever it is, you can just tell me,” you promised, holding your breath.

“Mother’s insisting I accompany her to the Summit this year instead of you,” she finally blurted out, and cringed waiting for your response.

Your face remained blank as you processed the words. Remaining unperturbed, your eyes met Bethany’s fearful ones. “Is that all?” you asked, relieved. Bethany furrowed her eyebrows at your response. “The Summit would be a good experience for you. Don’t let Lady Bryke pull the fountain prank on you, however. You only make that mistake once.” You flashed your dumbfounded sister a small smile and tousled her hair as you began to walk past her.

Seemingly catching up to your response in her head, Bethany ran to cut you off before entering your room. “You’re not mad?” she asked breathless. “Because this really is supposed to be a trip for the next in line, and I don’t know why mother would want me to go instead, and I won’t if you don’t want me to-”

“Whoa whoa, slow down, Bethie,” you stopped her with a gentle laugh. You noticed her expression flash to a brief state of nostalgia and pain upon hearing your childhood nickname for her, but you chose not to dwell on it. “I’ve already been to two Summits. It’s your turn.”

Bethany considered you for a brief instant before tackling you in a hug. “Thank you, Y/N!” she cried, and then she was gone, sprinting away surely to begin packing her things, leaving you once again in the hallway with Alexander. Sighing, you gestured for him to join you in your room.

Once the door was closed, he spoke. “How did things with your father go?” he asked, with a bit of shame in his voice.

You thought about the barely conversation you had with your father, and shook your head, not willing to go into details. “He’s not going to tell anyone,” you disclosed, figuring that was the only information of value to offer Alexander.

Alexander nodded, and moved on to the topic that was clearly bothering him. “How could you just… let her take your spot?” he inquired, obviously attempting to keep the judgement from his voice, and yet still failing.

You sighed, knowing Alexander would take issue with it. “It’s not Bethany’s fault. And I have to choose my battles. I led the last sector meeting, so it makes sense she would retaliate by taking Bethany to the Summit.”

“The Summit is not a sector meeting, Y/N,” Alexander tried to reason with you. “It’s a three month strategy meeting with all of your sector’s allies. It’s much bigger than some meeting at your estate.”

“Alexander, I’ll not here more on the subject. If I don’t go to the Summit, then I can still run CP here while Philip and Theodosia are still in Dmere. And if everything goes well with the Dmere meeting, the Summit will essentially be worthless to me anyways,” you explained, trying to calm Alexander down. Because something in his attitude was scaring you, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

You could see from the fire in his eyes he was still going to fight you on this, so you braced yourself for whatever he was about to say.

“But it’s like Aremine is trying to undermine your progress--replace you as her heir in the eyes of her allies.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but instead you closed your eyes and sighed at his words. Forcing a smile on your face, you placed a light kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you for always fighting for me, Alexander. But you just need to trust me on this one, okay?” you asked quietly. Noting your suddenly quiet reserve, he nodded slowly.

Both of you stood silently for a few more moment before Alexander finally broke the silence. “I- I have my walk with Bethany. I have to-”

“Go,” you commanded with a light smile. His face searched yours briefly for another second, and then gave a curt nod and dutifully left. You let out a loud sigh as you watched the door close behind him. The conversation playing and replaying over and over again in your mind.

Two substantial problems presented themselves in your most recent interaction with Alexander.

The first was he was beginning to choose you without reasoning in every situation over Bethany.

The second was he presented you with the solution to your promise to find your sector a new leader.

And unfortunately for you, those two problems created a third problem of itself: you could only solve one or the other.

A week passed and you were grateful Alexander had relented on the subject of allowing Bethany to attend the Summit… though part of you assumed he was only being so amicable about it because he realized Bethany and your mother leaving for three months left the two of you with three months to yourselves.

And you felt terrible to also be excited about that. You never wanted to be the sister who pushed her younger sister away. You never wanted to be the sister who began secretly dating her younger sister’s Choice. And you definitely never wanted to be the sister who looked forward to her younger sister’s departure so she could commit adultery easier.

Sighing, you buried your hands in your head at your desk, wondering who exactly you’d become when you met Alexander. Your mind flashed back to your father not recognizing you after catching you with Alexander and you bit your lip to keep the tears from building. In the moment, you hadn’t understood, but now. Sitting here in what felt like someone else’s life and bad decisions, a part of yourself didn’t recognize you either.

“Y/N?” A voice came softly from your doorway. Shooting up and taking a breath before forcing a smile on your face, you turned to face Alexander. “They’ll be departing soon,” he announced gently. You nodded, and quickly gathered the papers on your desk into a neat pile. With a deep breath, you smiled and made your way towards the door to say goodbye to Bethany together.

Bethany tackled you as soon as you turned the corner. When she released you, she went straight to Alexander. He held her tightly and whispered something softly to her. A prick of something hit your skin, but ignored it as you watched Bethany pull away from her fiance and turn towards you.

“Watch out for him while I’m gone?” she asked you, half playful, knowing Alexander had only lived in the palace for less than a year and was sure to still be rather uncomfortable by himself for three months.

You swallowed thickly as your eyes met Alexanders. “I think I can manage that,” you finally responded with a strained smile. You looked up at Alexander with a meaningful glance and cleared your throat. “Do you think I could get a moment alone with me sister?” you asked dutifully, and he glanced at Bethany and then back at you before nodding shortly and walking away.

Recognizing the expression on your face, Bethany’s face fell slightly. “Y/N? What is it?” she asked concerned, and you took a deep breath, gave her a pained smile and guided her to sit with you for a moment.

“I have something I should have told you a long time ago, I just… never could find it in me,” you began describing, avoiding Bethany’s concerned eyes and furrowed eyebrows. “I need you to understand--before I tell you--that I never told you to protect you.” Bethany began to protest, surely to state that she didn’t need you protecting her, but you held up a hand to silence her and wait for you to finish. “I know you think you don’t need protecting. And I’m going to start trying to not be so… overbearing. That’s why I’m telling you now.”

Bethany relaxed slightly at this and nodded that she was ready for you to continue.

You fidgeted with your hands for a second, but finally met Bethany’s eyes. “John died in the war,” you managed to breathe out.

Your sister stared at you dumbfounded, unconsciously shaking her head. “What- What are you talking about, Y/N?”

Gritting your teeth, you pushed yourself to continue. “I received word two years ago that he had been shot and killed in battle,” you explained, tears threatening to break loose from your eyes as you resumed avoiding eye contact.

From the corner of your eye, you noticed Bethany begin to shake her head. “No that’s- Oh Y/N, I’m so sorry,” she comforted at a loss for other words, and wrapped you in a tight hug. A few tears slipped from your eyes as Bethany whispered into your ear, “I’m sorry you felt like you needed to protect me from your grief. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

You let out a small laugh as she pulled away from you, and your hand gently grazed her cheek. “You never did anything wrong, Bethany. Old habits just die hard for me,” you explained through your tears, and you noticed at some point she had begun crying as well.

After a moment of silence, she spoke again. “Did Mother tell you?” she asked softly.

You stiffened. “No. And she doesn’t know I know,” you disclosed pointedly, become serious enough to get your point across. Bethany was taken aback by your statement.

“Then how-”

“I can’t tell you how Bethany. I just need you to trust me,” you cut her off with a rueful smile. Your sister opened her mouth to speak again, but eventually settled on just accepting your trust and nodding. “I’m telling you now because you’re going to a three month conference on the war that killed John. And you cannot speak any opinion on this war that is not our mother’s. Do you understand me?”

“But Y/N-”

You cut her off again. “I want you to form an opinion of your own. And I want you to cultivate it among those that are constructing the war at the Summit. But I need you to be safe, and I need you to promise me you will never speak your opinion at the Summit.”

So many questions ran through Bethany’s eyes that you couldn’t answer now without putting her in more danger. So instead you kissed her forehead and wrapped her in a tight hug. “We’ll speak after the Summit, okay? After you return from the Summit and we have the ball, we’ll talk,” you offered as a compromise.

Still staring at you unsure of what to make of your conversation, she finally nodded. “O-Okay. I trust you, Y/N,” she whispered shakily.

A presence came up on the two of you, and you both looked up teary eyed to Alexander. He had a questioning glint in his eyes, but respected it wasn’t his place to inquire about their conversation.

“They’re all waiting for you, Bethany,” he announced softly, and she nodded, and quickly threw her arms around you for one last hug before she got up and walked away with Alexander.

Standing up slowly, you worked your way through the household staff to the front of the entryway to see your mother and sister pile into the carriage. Alexander was down at the carriage speaking to Bethany softly. She lightly placed her hands on his cheeks and left him with a gentle kiss, before he pulled away and closed the carriage door.

Alexander stood outside the manor and watched as the carriage pulled away down the long lane. It seemed as if all the household staff, including yourself, were holding their breaths as they watched Aremine leave. By the time the carriage was just a speck in the distance, most of the tension in the crowd around you had relaxed and most were looking at you expectantly.

Right, you breathed. They would be looking to you for further instruction, and you knew exactly what you would tell them.

You turned around to face the entire household staff, feeling Alexander’s presence come up behind you. “Okay,” you began shakily as you felt fifty pairs of eyes stare at you. “Enjoy your three months, everyone. I’m sending you all home for paid leave. As it’s just Alexander, my father and I here, and the gardens won’t need tending as winter is almost upon us, I think the three of us can hold up without you all. Thank you for all your service over the years, but I want you all to see your families for once during the holidays.”

It seemed as if everyone were frozen by your words. You smiled triumphantly at their shock, knowing your mother had never given them more than a few days off in their years attending to the manor, and severely docked their pay when she had.

Finally, a maid in the front of the crowd spoke up. “But, ma’am. Won’t your mother find out?” she squeaked, terrified of returning to an angry Aremine, or worse: no job. But you simply gave a comforting smile.

“I won’t tell her if you don’t,” you promised with a small smile. “And I’ve grown up with you, Therese. All of you actually,” you reminded them, and Therese seemed shocked you knew her name at all. “I know you can have this manor looking like none of you ever left in three days. So I don’t want to see most of you until three days before the ball.” You saw a few tears shed throughout the crowd and you could feel the pride radiating off of Alexander from behind you.

“This is wonderful, my lady, but I’m afraid there’s another thing your mother is sure to catch on to,” Gertrude, the household cook spoke up. “She will notice if there’s a bunch of uneaten food that the staff normally eats.” She relayed the news sullenly, and most of the staff sobered up at the announcement.

This bit of news caught you off guard, but you considered it for a moment. “She doesn’t usually let you eat much, right?” you asked for a confirmation, and most of the crowd nodded. Turning to direct your next question specifically at Gertrude, you asked, “About how much food does the staff go through in a week?”

She was taken aback by the question, but then was at a loss. “It’s hard to say, my lady.”

“Would it be close to as much food as a feast for the entire staff and their families every week?” you asked generally.

Once again the crowd froze in shock as Gertrude sputtered for an answer. “I- I would guess, yes, my lady.”

You beamed. “Great! Then you’re all invited to return to the estate every Wednesday evening with your families for a feast. No one is, of course, required to come, but I really want to give back to you all after these years. So if the journey is manageable, and I know it may not be for some of you from further away, please know you’re always welcome,” you announced, and the reaction was immediate. All of the staff began chattering excitedly and you felt warm knowing you had made a direct impact in their lives. “Okay okay,” you called out, having a few more announcements before they departed. They all settled immediately, hanging on your every word. “The annual ball is the day my mother is to return from the Summit, so please plan to return three days before then. If you think you’ll need more than three days, you’re welcome to return early, just send me a notice. I will need to speak to Frederick for some ball plans, Raino for the stables, and Gertrude for the feasts before you leave, but as long as no one else has concerns, you are free to go. I’ll see some of you this Wednesday.”

The crowd quickly dispersed buzzing with thanks and gratitude. Several of your staff fought the crowd forward to shake your hand and thank you personally, to which you tried your best to thank them each by name. And each of them seemed so surprised that over the course of your lifetime you had learned what to call them. It warmed your heart.

The three who were asked to stay behind stood a little was away from you, discussing something with rapture. Before you could approach them, you heard a low whisper in your ear.

“That was incredible, Y/N,” Alexander told you, slightly in awe, and you turned to him with the brightest smile. You wanted to kiss him right there and then, but you knew you had to address the remainders of your staff first.

With a deep breath, you turned from Alexander and approached the trio, who all silenced in admiration upon noticing your presence.

Raino was the first to speak. “I’m willing to stay, ma’am,” he offered earnestly. “The stable are too big of a job for one person who’s never handled them before.”

You sighed, afraid this would be the case. “I wouldn’t ask you to stay if everyone else gets to leave. There must be some way to-”

“Ma’am, I insist. I won’t leave you with the stables,” he demanded. You considered him for a short time, then relented.

“Fine, but your sending for your family and they will spend the three months here with you in the guest house,” you compromised. His eyes went wide as he tried to protest, but you wouldn’t have it. “Raino, you have two sons and wife that want to see you for the holidays, and we have more than enough room for you at the estate. Go, send for them.”

Taking you by surprise, he forcibly wrapped you in a hug. “Thank you, miss. I had you pegged all wrong.” And then with a happy skip he ran to get message to his family.

With a smile you met Gertrude and Frederick’s teary expressions. “I really hate to ask you two this but-”

“We’ll be back promptly every Wednesday morning and leave that evening after the feast,” Gertrude cut you off, and you breathed a sigh of relief at their willingness. “I’ll be able to cook up all the food in that time.”

“And we can hash out details for the ball then too,” Frederick finished. You wrapped them gratefully in a hug and thanked them. “No thank you,” Frederick responded, as he pulled back. “You did some real good today, Lady Y/N.”

You weren’t sure if you would ever be able to wipe the smile off your face. Waving goodbye as you watched the two take their leave, you let out a happy sigh and spun suddenly on Alexander who was observing her with a unmanageable grin.

“You know, you really ought to-”

Cutting him off by throwing yourself at him and catching his mouth in a kiss, you felt his arms wrap tightly around you as you both thrived in your newfound freedom.

With a soft chuckle he broke away from you. “You know, if you wanted to get me alone, there are easier ways than dismissing your entire staff,” he teased you lightly, and you laughed.

“Yes,” you agreed, allowing a twinkle of a smirk to enter you eyes, “But if I did it any other way would I be able to do this?” you asked as you immediately interlaced your fingers with his, and began dragging him, racing through the halls. You both hollered as you ran, unafraid to make as much noise as you could that you were together and unashamedly so.

When you reached your room, you both breathlessly entered, and his lips trapped yours as soon as you were through the threshold. Drunkenly, you stumbled backwards as he gently guided you until the back of your legs hit your bed. You fell backwards and Alexander gently landed on top of you as your kiss persisted.

The two of you finally pulled back, trying to allow your mind to catch up to the position you were now both in. A light blush seeped into both of your cheeks, knowing this was the most forward either of you had ever been with each other.

You cleared your throat. “We just made out on my bed,” you commented, trying to keep your tone light.

Alexander hummed in agreement. “I think we’re ready,” he playfully announced.

Your cheeks immediately flushed bright red as you sputtered. “Ready?” you inquired nervously. Because you most certainly were not ready if he was implying what you thought he was implying. And yet his impish grin made you think that was just what he wanted you to think.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” he responded, allowing a clear tease into his voice this time, making you suspicious. You quirked your eyebrows in a question, and before you could registered he had moved, you felt a pillow being slammed in your face.

“Pillow fight!” he screamed, as he backed off you on the defensive. You burst out into a hefty laughter curling up on yourself on the bed.

“You’re unbelievable!” you cried out, specifically addressing his misdirection a moment earlier. You looked up at him beaming at you standing on the other end of the bed. Rolling onto your knees, you grabbed another one of your pillows and stood to face him.

He smirked, duly noting how serious you were about to take this. “Okay rules: Only contact is to be made with pillows. This bed is the turf. And it’s not over until one of us begs for mercy.”

“Neither of us are good at following rules, you know,” you taunted him, to which he shot you a playful smirk. Seeing he was seemingly not worried about this fact, however, you shrugged your shoulders. “You’re on,” you challenged, and then you lunged for him.

You aren’t sure how long the fight lasted, just at the end of it, both of you were begging for mercy due to the cramps in your abdomens from the endless laughter throughout the fight. Curled up on the bed together, still laughing, you ran your fingers softly through his hair as he looked up at you, sobering slightly. The sun had began to make its descent in the sky.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked quietly. And the way he said it betrayed he was nervous. And you knew he had been working up the courage to ask you all day. And most of you wanted him to stay more than anything.

But there was a small part of you that fought it.

“I told you we’re terrible at following rules,” you jested lightly, but he saw right through your deflection. His eyes shadowed over at you not giving a direct answer, so you sighed. “Alexander…” you tried to begin explaining, but he sat up seriously and began addressing your hesitation.

“You don’t have to worry about me leaving, because you know I never will, Y/N,” he coaxed you softly, and you clenched your eyes shut. It had taken you months to get over Alexander the last time you slept with him, and you hadn’t even gotten over him, you’d started a relationship with him.

You were sure you would regret it in the future, but present you won out. “Yeah okay,” you finally relented, and he offered you a genuine smile that made your insides flutter.

Gently wrapping you in his arms, he whispered again, “I won’t leave, Y/N.”

And you fought desperately to choke back the tears that were suddenly upon you.

Because how could you tell him that that was exactly what you were afraid of.

The first month passed quicker than you expected. Much to your dismay, Alexander and you had slipped into a rather comfortable routine.

But of course, how could it be an uncomfortable routine when you got to wake up beside him each and every morning.

What the two of you did together depended on a day to day basis. Some days you would spend hours out in the garden that was turning for the winter. Other days the two of you would stay holed up in the library from dawn to dusk. Every Wednesday he made a trip to the market to visit some friends while you planned for the upcoming ball.

Some days the both of you worked on CP details relentlessly, and he begged to hear you plan for getting a new leader for the sector, but you remained adamant. You kept insisting it was better for only you to know the plan so your mother wouldn’t see it coming. But some days you almost felt like he could tell there was more to it.

Like he could tell you didn’t want anyone, especially him, to see it coming.

But surprisingly, he usually let it go on the days you dedicated to planning for it.

Your favorite days, however, were the days you both sat at the piano and didn’t move for hours. You played the small collection of pieces you knew; Alexander played whatever you requested. As you were learning, Alexander had nearly every song you could imagine memorized. He claims piano was his solace after his mother died, and you held him a little tighter that day.

This day, however, was a special one, because Frederick had insisted to give you this Wednesday off, as you were ahead of planning than you usually were at this time of year. He was instead spending his time milling about the kitchen, which, if it were anyone else, you were sure Gertrude would kick him out immediately.

But you weren’t blind to the way your assistent and cook had grown on each other these past weeks as the only two in the manor. That was possibly the only reason you had relented and allowed Frederick to give you the time off.

So with your newly freed day, both you and Alexander agreed on a piano day.

“Can I- Can I play you something new?” he asked suddenly, as he finished a piece. You looked up at him curiously, as he’d never been shy about playing you anything before. Your head lay in his lap as he played above you, and gently, you smiled.

“I want to hear everything you have to play for me,” you confided. He passed you a grateful smile, but still looked unsure of himself.

Bringing one of his hands to scratch the back of his neck, his shifted anxiously, and you sat up and scooted right beside him, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “I- um- I wrote this song a few years ago,” he admitted bashfully. You shot him an encouraging smile and he let out a shaky breath as he met your eyes. “I just didn’t know then that I was writing it for you.”

You froze at his words and your eyes asked a million questions, but instead of answering any of them, his fingers began to gently glide across the keys. He began singing, his voice a little shaky, but you held on to every word. You began to tremble as you listened to the lyrics and realized he wrote this song for the girl he would fall in love with: you.

And that was terrifying in so many ways, but mainly because you’re falling in love with him as well.

There are so many things that are bound to go wrong with your relationship. He was engaged to your sister; you already used your Choice; your mother was a tyrannical witch who would tear you apart and have fun doing it the moment she found out.

But in this moment, none of those things seemed to be important. Because as he finished the song, and met your eyes nervously, you couldn’t find anything to say to him besides forcefully pulling him in for a kiss.

He was you weakness, and you knew that. But for this moment, you allowed yourself to be weak. For this moment, your weakness made you feel invincible.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Both of you shot apart and stared dumbfoundedly at the doorway, where Philip and Theodosia stood with incredibly unimpressed expressions.

Groaning and letting your face fall into your hand, you decided you would no longer kiss Alexander anywhere there wasn’t a padlock on the door.

This was going to be hard to explain your way out of.

#iihmc #if i had my choice #hamilfluff #alexander x reader #alexander hamilton x reader #alex x reader

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