#like. i have a wired controller. i have a wired controller i can use perfectly fine. but it doesnr rumvle which genuinely bothers me

[venomgender]

>buys switch pro controller for the rumble controls

>it doesn't rumble

[lynaferns]

I think that people complaining about Moon not getting many voice lines aren't seeing that that's actually part of his personality.

(I would have liked to hear more voice lines from him too but look at it this way)

He isn't very chatty in the first place, half his voice lines are laughters and when he does talk is in a very simple and rhyme-y way. I see this as: he just wants to have his message across and have fun in everything he does (why talk lot when few words do job) and honestly, if he feels he doesn't need to talk he perfectly can say nothing. We give Sun the trophy to the more expressive movements and motion but I think Moon deserves that too, he's very expressive through movement too, and dramatic! With all the jumps and little dances, the contortion and the fact that he never needed to do that swimming movement to control the wire, we literally see Sun and Eclipse use it just fine without doing weird movements to get to where they want to in Ruin, which means, once again, that Moon just does it for fun.

(it's funny because in fanfic typically you see Moon having perfect control of the wire and Sun struggling to use it. While the dlc could indicate that Sun is the one who has perfect control of the wire and Moon doesn't so he learned to do that swimming motion to make it work, idk, I would like to see this take used on a fic)

Sun on the other hand got MANY voice lines, not because they are giving him more attention than Moon but because he's the chatter box of the two, he cannot stay quiet and you see him, even if he has to deal with toddlers, using as much vocabulary as he can (the dude even goes French for a moment)

So yeah, those are my thoughts on it.

[oozedninjas]

How do you think the 07 boys would react if the reader died? Like in an accident or killed by shredder or sm? just food for thoughts

They say there are five stages of grief...

Leonardo will blame himself for it no matter how you die. Did you get sick? He's a ninja. He should have noticed the symptoms as soon as they appeared! Did the Shredder kill you? God, that's his worst nightmare. Because it not only means he failed as a partner, but he also failed as the leader of the team you belonged to. He couldn't protect you, and he can never forgive himself for that.

Denial

There must be some way to rebound it. His mind flashes from here to there, and Leo considers possibilities that in a normal situation would seem delusional. Could Donatello build a time machine? There must be some way to reverse it. There must be. It can't be that you're just... gone.

2. Anger

It's a sheer tough situation because even though he would want to fight recklessly, with no regard for himself, Leo has to be strong for others and continue playing his role as leader and older brother. So he bottles up his feelings; buries them deep until they slowly rot inside him.

When he faces the Shredder again, he notices that there is something different, and for the first time in decades, Shredder fears he may not win. I think Leo would also become rougher with low-ranked criminals, hitting harder than necessary. The terrifying part? It's always perfectly calculated.

Also, his brothers resent his anger during training because he becomes tougher and more demanding. However, it's only because Leo can't afford to lose anyone else. He wouldn't be able to bear it.

3. Bargaining

He should at least be able to compensate your family. Friends. Anyone who loved you as much as he did. Thinking about doing things for people who were close to you brings him a kind of comfort that appeases his anger. It's a way of trying to regain a sense of control over the situation and find a way to cope with his pain.

4. Depression

He'll never again feel the tender caress of your fingertips over his shell, the warmth of your lips pressed against his own, or the sweet melody of your laughter echoing through the lair. The realization grips his heart with an ironclad vice, suffusing his spirit. It's a devastating blow that rends his very soul asunder.

5. Acceptance

But you wouldn't want him to be sad forever. No, in fact, Leo is sure you'd be insisting that he needs to move on. It was okay to feel, to be upset and cry along the way, but it was time to get up. Master Splinter plays a very important role in how Leo slowly recovers himself. One step at a time.

Donatello: It depends on how you die, but I believe what could drive him insane is if he loses you slowly due to an illness. That would be his personal hell because no matter how hard he tries to change things, researching new methods, creating medications, even biotechnology... nothing seems to yield results. Isn't he supposed to be a genius? What's the point of intellect if it can't use it to save you?!

Denial

"With this cryogenic capsule, I can keep her body intact a little longer," he tells your loved ones, who stare at him, paralyzed by the desperation in his eyes. "I can fix this. I can- I just need more time." But a person is not a machine, and your loved ones did not allow him to experiment.

A machine! That's it! Donatello made a copy of your memory and some parts of your consciousness before your departure; perhaps he could put that into a robot and somehow... maybe with enough effort and the right wires...

2. Anger

It worked, and yet it failed miserably. This thing in front of him looked like you, sounded like you, shared some memories, and yet, it felt utterly empty. How could he insult your memory out of his own desperation?

Donatello smashed his Bo staff into the control center, piercing it completely. He trembled a little as he continued to hold it, buried in the circuits. That night there was a blackout in the lair, and all that could be heard from the lab was the grinding of teeth.

3. Bargaining

It happened to you, but perhaps with all the research and testing, Donatello could prevent someone else from going through the same thing. So, he decided to sell his investigation, using a pseudonym and a couple of computer skills made it no problem to do it all from the lair. For him, it's like gradually adapting to the reality of his loss through these small actions.

4. Depression

To think that a robot could replace you. What the hell was he thinking? Your scent, the softness of your skin, the beautiful way you looked at him when discussing a new discovery, that could never be replicated. The lab, like his heart, felt terribly empty. It was a feeling as suffocating as it was overwhelming: knowing that you would never be there again, that he couldn't see or hear you anymore. Suddenly, he can't breathe.

Burying himself in his work keeps his mind occupied. He doesn't need sleep; he needs to progress with the research. Donatello escapes from every little space that could allow you to somehow appear in his mind.

5. Acceptance

April helped a lot in this part, as she was the one who started bringing you into the conversation with positive things, and Don has small spaces to feel shared nostalgia. April feels the same loss; she understands, and that is extremely comforting.

Over time, the feeling of emptiness left by your memory transitions to a bittersweet sensation, and gradually he allows himself to move forward, remembering you with a smile, with a fondness that embraces him from the bottom of his heart. Donatello learned that every minute counts, and for that reason, he now makes space to spend more time with the people he loves, and who love him in return.

[yellowballoondogs]

Giving the x-men disabilities so they can suffer like me

I just think it’s cool how much people can relate to the x-men in marginalized groups no matter the group. Just like how they’re all gay, POC, religious minorities, etc.

Cyclops- Scott Summers

C’mon this is the most autistic man to ever autism

He’s got model plane sets and shit around his otherwise empty and perfectly cleaned room with the sheet corners tucked in and everything

He stopped stimming because of O’Diamonds and Sinisters abuse but started again when he got more comfortable with the o5 team. He definitely does flappy hands

He probably hyper fixated on an obscure engineering subject

photophobia- light sensitivity

Idk if it’s cannon or not but it would make sense with his brain damage and all (plus I have it and I’m projecting) it’s also an autism symptom so double whammy- his glasses will help

Migrainous stroke- basically stroke with migraines. It ties into brain damage and photophobia with migraines which would make so much sense. Frequent strokes too? Fuck yeah let’s highlight how his childhood trauma and overwhelming power effect him- how mutant powers aren’t always good.

He should have really shitty vision- canonically colorblind- wears glasses all the time so low light, his eyes basically fucking glow. This man cannot see for shit

“cut the red wire cyclops!�� “They’re all red!”

Storm- Ororo Monroe

She’s canonically claustrophobic but it’s really only used as a once in awhile plot device

I think it should tie into anxiety a lot more

Ororo is the kind of person who uses a planner to manage every aspect of her day so she’s never caught of guard

She’s got only one timer set up to take her meds instead of 10 like the rest of us (she’s simply better)

She would have actual panic attacks that don’t end the second she’s out of a confined space. Full run-

For her a panic attack would cause a lot of derealization. She doesn’t feel like she’s in her body, she feels out of control, like she can’t breathe, dizzy, both hot and cold at the same time.

Nightcrawler-Kurt Wagner

syndactyly- fusion of fingers or toes. This is basically cannon. He’s got 2 big fingers and toes so like no explanation really needed. He’s got it even if it’s for different reasons.

This greatly effects his ability to do certain things- our boy can’t use a controller can he? How’s he meant to play Mario cart with the rest of the team ):

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome- bendy bones and stretchy skin that causes lots of joint pain

He canonical has bendy bones so like this is also half canon. Plus I’m giving my blorbo chronic pain to project.

Pretty sure there’s a Spider-Man with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome too so that’s very slay.

Rouge- Anne-Marie

Hear me out- HPV It’s the whole- “I can’t touch anyone” thing

She was born with it

It causes a lot of pain for her but she hides it around people she’s not comfortable with (so really just unmasking in front of remy and her family)

Also stds just need to be a lot more normalized. And her having to be so weird about people with it fits so much with the whole “ew mutants” thing

Xavier

Yeah yeah he’s a paraplegic

They should be better about it though. No more of this curing him so often he’s like the one famous character wheelchair bound people get

Stop making him so weak, he runs a school to learn how to kick ass, man can probably box, who needs legs. They always just make him useless once someone kicks over his chair or something

Chronic migraines again

Listen hearing all those thoughts all the time can’t be all sunshine’s and rainbows. Make him suffer (this goes for all telepaths)

Gambit- Remy Lebeau

He canonically has brain damage (via lebeatomy) (haha get it)

He’s getting hit with migraines too. Making all these losers suffer

He probably also has very bad vision because of his eyes- probably not very good with light just like cyclops (likely worse)

I’m going to give him the worlds worst period cramps via dysmenorrhea. Yeah he’s trans to me I’m a romy t4t Reuther

Rapid fire listings let’s go!

Jubilee canonically has Dyscalculia- like dyslexia for numbers

Wolverine canonically has memory issues and ptsd

Magneto canonically has ptsd

Legion canonically has multiple personality disorder or DID- dissociative identity disorder. It’s not always portrayed the best but rep is rep

Angel canonically has hollow bones- I’m gonna gc him with osteoporosis

Headcanoning Madelyn Pryor with post partum depression

Scarlet witch gets head cannoned half of all the mental disorders- depression, psychosis, ptsd, and anything you wanna give her. Girl needs a staff of therapists, psychologists, and a cocktail of pills

Quicksilver gets headcannoned with ADHD. Boring I know but I’ve got it and it fits him so projection time

Let marrow have ptsd. Girl witnessed a genocide of her people and her moms death as a child. Why do they skim over that? Girl is suffering

Pyro canonically had the legacy virus which was like a big euphemism for AIDs so he gets that. Plus he also gets hit with the autism beam

Toad is autistic. No further questions

Jean grey gets the psychic migraines but I’m also giving her autism cause her relationship with Scott is nowhere near neurotypical. The biggest disability marvel gave her was liking wolverine though. He canonically smells like shit and is an asshole. I love him.

Kitty pryde gets type 1 diabetes- I cannot explain why it fits her it just does

Cable gets lupus cause he canonically had a fantasy space tech autoimmune disease so let’s just make it more realistic

Daken gets lactose intolerance (he’s fine because he doesn’t really actually eat dairy)

Iceman gets lactose intolerance (he’s not fine because he loves all things dairy)

Dust gets celiac disease

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

Hello, robot and machine enjoyers out there. I'm a big tech guy and a huge sucker for computer things, but some of the things are so incredibly hot for me and I'd like to share it with you. I hope that I'm not alone in this and someone else can understand what I mean.

1) Radio robots. If you ever tried to touch a radio antenna, you know that the signal will get stronger. It's because your body becomes a part of the antenna. Imagine fucking a robot with a radio signal, and when you touch its antenna, you can hear it more clearly, its feeling go through your whole body and interfere with it. Having the one whole signal with it. My god it's so hot.

2) Room-sized supercomputers. They are so complex, can count routs for space rockets and meteors, they have an incredible power. But at the same time they are so vulnerable. You can always see their inner parts, incredible amounts of wires and controls. Only a few people can be trusted to work with it. It's perfectly tweaked, no mistakes, the true perfection, but still so sensitive and big. You have to be so gentle and look for the perfect conditions for it to work. I want a supercomputer to trust me, I want it to try understanding human emotions and empathy.

3) Old tech in general. I'm fascinated by old computers in the 90s and 00s. Big computers with convex screens, old phones with full keyboards and weird shapes, very specific tech that nowadays no one uses. But I need them. I want it to work to its fullest, I want it to feel needed. They can do so much, a lot of lab equipment still runs on old computers. They're individuals, they have its own personality.

4) Transparent case. Do you remember old tech with colorful transparent designs? It was peak. I want it back on new tech and robots so bad. I want to see its innards, I want to know what it actually is. Seeing the work and processing in general, seeing something inserted like a usb cord or a memory card and how all the contacts are interacting with each other. Even more old analog stuff, with gears and cogs, seeing its perfect movement through the casing. Or a whole visible car engine?? Come on!!

.

[eiralunaire]

second part of Damian going to Spain by Reader.

Reader nodded, knowing that arguing with Damian in the middle of a battle would be pointless. They both positioned themselves, synchronized as if they had trained together for years. As the metahuman launched lightning bolts in all directions, their skills complemented each other perfectly. Damian moved with almost superhuman precision, blocking attacks with a speed that made it seem like he was anticipating every move. Reader, for his part, remained in control, scanning the terrain and looking for an opportunity to counterattack.

The enemy, a man with a slender figure and skin covered in flickering electric lines, seemed to be having fun with the intensity of the confrontation. Each time he launched a bolt of lightning, he did so with a twisted smile, as if he enjoyed the chaos he was causing.

“You like the show, huh?” Damian muttered disdainfully.

“Oh, yes,” the metahuman replied in a raspy voice. “But it’s going to get even better.”

With a shout, the man raised both arms, summoning a thunderstorm directly over the plaza. Lightning began to fall, hitting the ground with a deafening roar. The lights in the surrounding buildings flickered and then went out completely, plunging the area into intermittent darkness that was only broken by flashes of lightning.

Reader knew they had to act fast. Every time the enemy used their power, the energy in the air grew denser, and the battlefield more dangerous. She looked at Damian, knowing they needed a strategy.

“He’s using electricity to feed himself,” she said, trying to raise her voice above the noise. “If we keep defending ourselves, he’ll only gain more power.”

Damian nodded, his mind working at full speed.

“We need to cut off his access to the source. We need a counterattack that will throw him off balance.”

“I can distract him,” she replied. “But I need you to find a way to nullify his power.” Maybe something to insulate him.

Damian frowned, assessing the surroundings. In the distance, he saw some fallen electrical poles and exposed wires. He knew it was a risk, but they could be used to create an overload or short circuit that would neutralize the source of the enemy's power.

"I have it. But I'll need time," he said, his voice firm.

Reader nodded, clenching her jaw as she prepared. With incredible agility, she leapt forward, dodging a bolt of lightning that passed inches from her head. The metahuman watched her, amused.

"You want to play with electricity again?" he laughed, launching a new blast at her.

Reader responded with quick movements, showing off his dexterity. He leapt through the rubble, moving back and forth, expending his energy as he avoided the attacks. Sweat beaded on his brow, but his focus was absolute. While keeping him busy, Damian ran to the area where the electrical wires hung dangerously close to the ground.

With surgical precision, he began to manipulate the wires, making sure the flow of energy was redirected. He knew they didn’t have much time before the enemy realized what they were doing, but there was no room for error. Sparks flew around them, but his focus never wavered.

Finally, Damian connected the wires, creating a closed loop that began to overload the system. Around the plaza, the remaining lights began to flicker, and the metahuman’s lightning became erratic. He didn’t seem to understand what was happening, until it was too late.

“Now!” Damian shouted.

Reader, taking advantage of the distraction, launched a precise blow towards the metahuman, straight to his torso, causing him to retreat. The enemy staggered, surprised by the force of the attack and by the overload that was beginning to affect his control over electricity.

With a final spark of energy, the metahuman fell to the ground, unable to continue. The lightning dissipated in the air, and the square fell into an almost sepulchral silence, only interrupted by the crackling of the damaged cables.

Damian approached Reader, both breathing heavily after the intense battle. For a moment, they looked into each other's eyes, the weight of worry, tension, and relief in the air. Damian extended a hand towards her.

—Good job.

Reader took her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin despite the coldness of the night. There was something in the way their fingers intertwined that gave him a feeling of security, that, despite everything, they had emerged victorious once again.

“Thank you,” she said, with a tired smile.

Damian watched her for a moment, still holding her hand.

“You shouldn’t have come alone.”

“I wasn’t alone, there was a team,” Reader replied, though she knew he didn’t mean that. “I can take care of myself, Damian. You know that.”

“I know,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I like it.”

The intensity in his words made Reader’s heart race. She knew how protective he could be, but she also knew that deep down, that concern came from a deeper place. A place Damian allowed few people to enter.

“I’m fine,” she assured, lightly squeezing his hand. “I’m fine because you’re here.”

Damian looked into her eyes for a moment, his expression softening. Then, he nodded, letting out a soft sigh.

“Come on. It’s time to go.”

They both turned towards the plaza, where the support team was beginning to arrive to secure the area and neutralize the fallen metahuman. Although the battle was over, there was much to do, but the most important thing was that they were together.

As they walked towards Damian's jet, the sky was beginning to lighten with the first signs of dawn. Reader felt the tiredness build up in his body, but he didn't care. He knew that, despite the dangers, they would always have each other.

And for Damian, that was the only thing that mattered.

[eightyonekilograms]

I went to the Apple Store yesterday to try the scripted demo of their VR headset. My overall impression is that it's the best possible execution of what might be a fundamentally flawed idea.

The passthrough video is pretty incredible. It's somewhat dimmer than reality, and the color accuracy is just OK, but it's more than good enough to feel like you're looking through clear displays at the real world. I'm told the passthrough on the Quest 3 is even better, but haven't tried that and can't comment. One thing is that there is a weird motion blur effect when you turn your head, I'm not sure if that's a display tech limitation or introduced deliberately by the software as a workaround for a different display tech limitation.

The resolution is 4K per eye, which, as mentioned, is more than enough for a powerful sense of presence in the real world. One of the nifty bits of the demo was when you turn the dial to tune out the world and suddenly you're sitting by a mountain lake, and the feeling of actually being there is overwhelming. The dystopian implications of needing a VR headset to sit at a mountain lake aside, it would be cool to have one just to have your office be anywhere you can imagine. Not $3500-before-tax cool, but cool.

Wow sports leagues are going to love this thing. I don't give a shit about sports and even I was thinking, "If the NBA put a stereoscopic camera courtside and sold you games for $50 a pop, I'd absolutely buy that"

But 4K per eye is not enough to do work, not even close. The experience of using normal computer-y applications on this was not unlike plugging your laptop in to a TV that's at the normal TV distance. You can do it, it works, but it's not anyone's preferred way of working. Text is amazingly legible, but only at sizes that are equivalent to having a single webpage take up your entire 4K monitor at normal monitor distance.

It is not particularly comfortable. Part of this might be that the store demo makes you use the "catcher's mitt" strap, which only goes around the back of your head and so gravity has to be countered only by the pressure of the thing against your face. Reviewers have said that if you use the other band that goes over your head the situation is better, but still.

A lot of early comments were making fun of Apple for having the battery be an external thing you put in your pocket and attach with a wire, but I think that's just fine: we all walk around with giant batteries in our pockets anyway, and anything you can do to have less weight on your head is a Good Thing. But then Apple took all those weight savings and spent them on making the stupid thing out of metal and glass instead of polycarbonate. It's nuts! It's like if you made a car that was 500kg lighter because you invented magical tech for keeping the engine somewhere else, and then went "great! with all the weight savings now we can build the body out of lead". Apple, you don't need to fear plastic. Plastic is good! Plastic built modern civilization.

You control it with a combination of eye tracking and pinch gestures. This is the main piece of evidence of my "best version of a bad idea" thesis: it works really, really well; so well that I can tell this is probably an evolutionary dead end. It's just fine— miraculous, even— for dragging windows around and doing the basic stuff the in-store demo has you do. It's amazing that you can more or less have your hands anywhere, including on your lap, and the recognition works perfectly (by contrast with the HoloLens I tried 5 or so years ago where the gesture recognition was total crap). But it's immediately obvious that you can never do serious manipulation of your computing environment with this.

The takeaway is that it's incredible for passive consumption of specifically-made media, assuming that ever exists at scale. But it will be a long time before we're gogged in like Hiro Protagonist to do our office jobs this way.

[onejellyfishplease]

BEHOLD! my new TMNT iteration!

tmnt: Strained Eyes

In this iteration, much like rottmnt, all of the turtles have super powers. however, there is a little catch. while the rottmnt turtle's powers suit their soul, Strained Eye's turtles... don't.

(please ignore the fact that Mikey doesnt really look like a spotted pond turtle, i came up with the design first and had to find a turtle species second)

So! Mikeys powers basically allow him to cause every thing he touches to rot/decompose/desintergrate. he does have some control, but not reliably.

And though he is a good cook, there is a 50/50 chance that you will end up eating mouldy/rotten food. but all the other times it will be delicious.

he (obviously) has insecurities about touch, he is very aware that he could very easily kill someone with just one touch.

he can also grow mushrooms on command -he can also grow them on his shell which freaks out his brothers a lot.

also hes not actually blind in one eye! its mostly just cosmetic.

Up next we have Donnie! compared to Mieky hes a very brightly coloured boy!

his power is illusions! they can be incredibly lifelike. the problem is, These illusions can be permanent if Donnie doesnt dispel them, and sometimes are summoned only by his subconscious. So Donnie can struggle with figuring out if something is real or not.

The only senses his illusions cannot mimic are touch and smell (and taste) so he is usually extremely tactile, holding onto his brothers to assure himself that theyre real and not just a projection of his mind. he covers a lot of stuff in his lab (and his brothers) with strong smelling perfumes as well.

application wise- he uses his powers in tandem with his machines to make incredibly realistic looking androids. example: robot cat that looks like real cat. robot dragon that looks like REAL dragon, etc etc. he can also use them to appear human and turn invisible. (he can expand this to all his brothers) but he still hasnt gotten down the art of human expressions, so when ever he appears human he looks quite uncanny when he talks.

It's Leo!!

now Leo is ~battery powered~ his powers basically allow him to absorb energy straight from the source, such as absorbing the electricity off of an electric wire, or even sucking the energy from a person. or eating batteries.

an unfortunate side affect (depending on how you look at it) is that Leo doesnt need to sleep. ever. as long as he keeps absorbing energy then he's completely fine! and the more electricity/energy he absorbs the faster/stronger he gets! he also thinks faster! coming up with excellent strategies on the fly!

however- the same is true of the other way around, when Leo runs out of energy (which he does often- hes VERY bad at judging how much he has left) he will start to get more lethargic, his cognitive funtions will slow down and his short term memory will start to degrade.

If he completly runs out of energy his heart stops and he dies.

but dont worry! you just need to zap him with more energy and hell get right back up again (Donnie has a defibrillator just for Leo). though its best not to leave him in that state for long. because like that he is still functionally a dead body.

And finally we have Raph!

Raph breaths fire. a very simple power, in fact he can even hold his breath for hours apon end and his skin is extremely tough! theres basically no side effects too!

Hes so lucky compared to his brothers, having a power that suits him perfectly and doesnt mess him up in the head.

because of this, Raph has kinda moulded himself into the hyper aggressive mom friend, making sure they dont all run themselves into the ground because of the drawbacks to their powers.

he still has anger issues too <3

[lieslab]

Love is a spider

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 9.5K

A/N: To the requester, I may have went a bit overboard by a bit. Can you blame me? Anyway, in these drabbles, you're a bit of a people pleaser and the guys kind of clock you for it. Some of them are softer than others. Hyunjin's is a little angsty because a little angst adds some spice.

I'm so sorry this is out a little later than planned. I have had literally one of the worst weeks of the entire year. I hope that never happens again. Never fear, life goes on and we keep trudging along. I hope everyone is slaying and finding their own versions of happiness. It's almost over now, but happy six years to the band!!

You can ignore the rest of this, but I'm going to ramble because people pleasing can really suck. I wish brains weren't wired that way because people pleasing is not the least bit swell when it's destroying you from the inside out. Some of you baddies out there need to hear that it's okay to put up boundaries and focus on your own happiness.

I wish someone would have screamed that in my face at some point when I was younger. It is okay and normal to put up boundaries. It is not okay for people to walk all over you, belittle you, and cause you mental or physical harm. You are allowed to take up space.

There is one quote that says "stop breaking yourself down into bite-sized pieces. Stay whole and let them choke." I love that quote. I used to be one of the biggest people pleasers around and it made me so miserable to the point where I quite literally had a full mental breakdown. We're only meant for so much until we break.

Practice makes perfect and the more you practice saying no, the better you get at it. The better you get, the easier it is to reinforce boundaries. The stronger the boundaries, the more strength you have, the easier it is to say no. It's so much easier said than done, but I swear, once you start it, it makes life so much easier.

Also the title of this drabble is inspired by the song 'Spider' by Kai Bosch. It's so good and actually one of my favorites at the moment. I keep looping it because that's how much I like it. Now that I've rambled, please enjoy <3

_ _ _

Chan:

Dating Chan had its pros and cons. On one hand, you never had a better relationship with anyone before. Since he was so used to being out in public and interacting with multiple different people, Chan wasn’t afraid of your romantic relationship. 

He knew what he wanted and he communicated everything perfectly. Every want, every need, every like, and every dislike, you knew them. On the other hand, you were still figuring out how relationships worked properly. The last romantic relationship you fell into, it left you scarred in more ways than one. 

That’s why it took you so long to finally agree to meeting the rest of Chan’s band. It was a huge step outside your comfort zone. The whole day, Chan had been gushing and practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

You weren’t just nervous, you were terrified. Your stomach churned uncomfortably with anxiety. You kept zoning out and internally freaking out. There were so many thoughts inside your head. 

What if they didn’t like you? What if you made an awful first impression? What if you screwed something up and made a fool out of yourself? What if they thought you were insufferable? On and on, the thoughts spiraled out of control. 

Before you knew it, Chan was driving you to his dorm. It was the place where he figured you’d be the most comfortable. Plus, the guys could scatter about and do their own things. All the attention didn’t have to be on you. 

It seemed to be going alright for the first few minutes. Chan introduced all the guys to you and a few minutes later, you needed to use the bathroom. Glancing around for Chan, he had moved out into the kitchen to help Lee Know and Felix with cooking. 

Left alone amongst the other guys, you sucked in a deep breath trying to contain your inner panic. A few feet away, Han picked up on your discomfort and asked if you were alright. Upon realizing that he knew your mood, you quickly apologized. 

He brushed it off and more time went by. Eventually, you were led to the bathroom. When you came out, you bumped straight into Seungmin. Apologies flew out of your mouth rather quickly. He laughed and brushed it off. 

You apologized multiple times throughout the night, even when apologies weren’t needed. Like the time you accidentally spilled your drink. When you sat in a seat that was apparently reserved for Jeongin. When you grabbed a paper towel for Chan and accidentally tore a rip across it. 

Chan knew you struggled with anxiety sometimes, but as the night went on, he started realizing just how much you were apologizing. Every time you did it, you looked terrified, almost like you’d be yelled at or lectured. It was to the point where it was getting concerning. 

Felix made brownies for dessert. While eating one of them, crumbs fell on your shirt. When Hyunjin pointed them out and began laughing, along with an added joke from Seungmin, you looked like you were about to cry. 

Beside you, Chan shot the two of them a warning glare to knock it off. They quickly changed the subject to taunting Jeongin for a terrible dance move he performed during practice. The attention went off of you and onto the three of them. 

While the guys were distracted, Chan grabbed your hand and tugged you into the safety of his room. It smelled like the cologne he always wore. Comfort flooded your system easily. 

“I’m really sorry,” you started after a few moments. 

Chan frowned, feeling confused, “for what?”

“For messing up this thing with the guys. I understand if you want to break up with me. Actually, I can just let myself out.” You reached an arm out and headed towards the door. 

Chan leaned forward and grabbed your wrist gently. “Baby, what are you talking about? You haven’t messed anything up.” 

“I’m a mess. I’ve ruined so many things tonight. I’m sorry, I-” A lump began to form in your throat. 

Chan gently pushed a finger towards your lips. “Why are you apologizing so much? You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

You moved your head away with a sniffle. “Yes, I have. I’ve done dumb things and made people uncomfortable. Apologizing is the right thing to do.” 

“Made people uncomfortable? You haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings.” 

“I took Jeongin’s chair for dinner.” 

“That’s not a big deal, baby. The guys never have assigned seats. They were just screwing around like they always do. Did something happen somewhere that made you feel like you always have to apologize?” 

“But it’s the right thing to do.” 

“Yeah, when the time is right. You don’t need to apologize over the small things, sweetheart.” 

“The last person I dated kind of made me feel really shitty a lot. They didn’t like a lot of the things that I did and they weren’t afraid to tell me.” 

“So…you apologized?” Chan guessed with a raised eyebrow. 

You nodded. 

“From now on, you’re not allowed to apologize for little things. Every time you apologize for something little during the rest of the night, I’m kissing you in front of the guys.” 

“We can’t do that! I’m sorry, but w-”  You were cut off with soft lips against your own for a few moments. When Chan pulled away, your cheeks were dark red. You swallowed and tried to regain your composure. 

“Aw, you’re so cute when you blush. I guess you’d better stop apologizing, I mean, unless you want the guys to see us kissing.” A teasing grin began to stretch across his face. 

Without even thinking about it, you reached up and playfully slapped his chest. Realizing what you did, panic flooded your face. “Fuck, I’m so sorry! I-” 

You were cut off once again by his lips against yours. 

_ _ _

Minho:

With a sigh, Minho kicked off his shoes and placed his car and house key onto the stand by the door. He jerked off his jacket and hung it up on a hanger. Trying to be as quiet as possible, he crept towards your shared bedroom door. 

His feet slid over the floor through the darkened house. His fingers grabbed the brass knob to the bedroom and he slowly opened it. The soft hum of the fan filled the air. The room was pitch dark. He pushed the door open further and stepped inside. 

“Minho?” Your voice called out. You popped up out of your bundle of blankets and turned on the bedside lamp. Both of you blinked at the sudden brightness. 

“You’re up?” He asked. “You’re seriously up, again? Baby, it’s really late and you have work early in the morning. I know you want to see me, but you need to get some sleep.” 

“I know, but I wanted to see you.” A frown filled your face. “I missed you so much and I just couldn’t wait.” 

He moved over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas. You watched his bare back as he ripped off his shirt and slid into a different one. Realizing you were staring after a few seconds, you averted your eyes. “So how was your day?” 

“It was alright,” he shrugged. 

“You’re not going to give me the specifics?” 

“Nope. Not now. We can talk about that in the morning. Right now, you need to get some sleep.” 

“But I-” 

“Nope. Have you seen yourself lately? You look like you’re sleep deprived.” 

“But I’m not!” You tried to argue back. 

“Is that why you keep taking naps on the weekends?” 

“Well…” You couldn’t fight back because he got you there. Staying up after midnight really was taking a toll considering that you had to be up at six in the morning. The days you stayed up later, you struggled through exhaustion. 

Lately, you spent your days nursing coffee and energy drinks, trying to bring back the momentum, but they could only do so much. Recently, it seemed like you were more irritable and Minho was right. Brown bags sat beneath your eyes, your energy was low, and your co-workers kept making sure you were alright. 

“I don’t want to make you unhappy,” you finally got out. “I really love you, you know? You usually look really excited when I’m still up. I like greeting you when you get home. I just want to make you happy.” 

Minho headed over towards the bed, pulled down the blankets, and slipped beside you. “You make me happy in a lot of ways and I love you too. Trust me, you won’t hurt my feelings if you’re sleeping when I get home. In fact, I want you to be sleeping.” 

“I love seeing you, but you look really cute when you’re asleep too. Imagine if you woke up in my arms. That sounds so exciting. Imagine you get enough sleep and you wake up to me holding you. The perks? You get enough sleep and I get to snuggle you.” 

“And you’re okay with that? Because I could continue to stay up and I-” 

He leaned up and lightly flicked your nose. “You need to get some sleep before your co-workers show up at our house. Yesterday, you said you were really freaking one guy out because you kept falling asleep while standing up.” 

You finally nodded in agreement. He tugged you towards his chest and plopped down on his pillow. “When we wake up, we’ll have the most amazing breakfast and I’ll tell you all about my day and you can tell me about your day.” 

“Promise?” You asked. 

He nodded and shut his eyes. You laid there soaking in his warmth until you shifted. You shut your eyes, but nothing happened. You shifted again and again until Minho opened his eyes again. “What are you doing?” 

“I can’t get comfortable and my brain won’t shut off.” 

“Probably because I came home an hour earlier tonight. Your body is used to going to bed around the time I come home later.” 

“I can’t help it!” You huffed clearly annoyed as your lips stuck out in a pout. “I feel like something is missing, but I don’t know what.” 

“Maybe if you wouldn’t have been a brat and stayed up until I got home,” he started. 

You stuck your tongue out at him and shifted again. Silence filled the room as the two of you tried to sleep. After a few more minutes, you jerked into a sitting up position. Beside you, Minho frowned with his eyes closed. “I think you’re right, something is missing.” 

You thought about it for a while before your eyes widened. You jerked off the blankets and scrambled to get out of the bed. Beside you, Minho finally sat up and watched you nearly faceplant as you left. “Where are you going?” 

“We forgot to get the cats!” 

“The cats?” His face twisted in confusion. “The ca- Holy shit! We forgot the cats!” He shoved off his own blankets and scrambled after you. 

Twenty minutes later, the two of you were sound asleep. Snuggled in different parts of the blankets were Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. The five of you fell asleep rather quickly comforted by the warmth of one another and the tranquility that transpired around the room.

_ _ _

Changbin:

During the first week that you dated Changbin, you bought him a shirt he mentioned he wanted to you in passing. When he unwrapped the soft pink wrapping paper and he unraveled the shirt, the happiness sparkling in his eyes locked in your brain. 

During the second week of your relationship, he mentioned he really liked a new drink that he found at the grocery store. When he joked that it was the only thing he wanted to drink from now on, you took that seriously. You bought him multiple packs of it to keep in his dorm refrigerator. 

When the second week wrapped into the third, you bought him a new pair of Airpods because he lost the last pair. You couldn’t stand his frown and how bummed he was about it. When you replaced the exact case that he had also lost, he nearly hugged you to death. 

He didn’t realize what you were doing at first. At first, he thought your actions were cute. He knew some people showed their love through giving gifts. Sure, he felt a little guilty about it, but you looked so happy when you handed them to him. You were practically a little ball of sunshine that he couldn’t resist. 

The last thing you got him, you took your time wrapping it, and you brought it straight into the JYP recording studio. You knew that he’d be there finishing up his recordings. As you were going in with your box, Chan and Han were coming out. 

“Oh,” Han’s eyes lit up, “what’s that?” 

“I bet it’s another gift,” Chan teased. 

“Wow, Changbin is so lucky.” 

“You really know how to spoil him rotten.” 

You laughed and responded. After talking for a few more moments, the two walked off to head back to their dorm. Apparently, Changbin was still inside finishing up the last few lyrics of a song. 

You knocked a few times before you pushed open the door. Changbin was in a black t-shirt with a face mask tucked beneath his chin. His eyes were narrowed down in a notebook and his pencil scribbled rapidly. “What did you forget this time?” 

“Uh…nothing?” 

“Oh!” His face lit up. “It’s you! Hi, baby! Give me a moment to finish writing these lyrics. How did you get inside? I didn’t think security would have let you in.” 

“Well, they probably wouldn’t have, but Felix was talking to the security guard when I came up. He told him to let me in because the two of us were dating. The security guard seemed hesitant, but Felix does what Felix does best.” 

“Melts the hearts of everyone around him with his angelic being?” 

“Yeah, something like that.” You laughed and placed the wrapped box down on the studio couch. Changbin continued scribbling for a bit and you stood patiently with your hands folded in front of you. 

“Alright, I’m finished!” He pushed his chair away from the wooden desk he was crouched over and glanced back towards you. “Should we go get dinn- oh, what’s that?” 

“It’s a present.” 

“That looks like an awfully big present. Should I be scared?” He raised an eyebrow as he studied the light green wrapping paper. There was a big silver bow on the top of it. 

“I think you’re really going to like it.” You picked it up and handed it to him. He was shocked by just how big it was. The thing easily fit across the length of his lap. 

He hesitated before he grabbed a piece of the folded paper along the side. A loud rip filled the air as he jerked it. At first, his face lit up as he revealed the internal packaging, but it didn’t take long before his face fell. 

You purchased him the lego set that he had been admiring in the window of your latest trip to the mall. The lego set was pretty big and it easily cost a couple hundred bucks. At first the gesture was sweet, but this was too much. 

“You don’t like it?” Your voice came out softly. 

“No, no, no! I-I do, but I…” He sighed and sucked in a deep breath. “Baby, why do you buy me so many gifts?” His eyes went up to meet yours. There was genuine curiosity on his face. 

“You don’t like the gifts?” 

“I do like the gifts, but I’m starting to think you’re spending way too much money on me. Why do you feel the need to buy me so many gifts? A lot of what you’ve been buying costs quite a bit of money. I don’t want you to waste your hard earned money on me.” 

“I’m not wasting my money on you.” You suddenly felt like the size of a grape. All that happiness and joy in your heart, all that excitement slipped out of your heart like a deflated balloon. “I just wanna make you happy.” 

“Honey, you make me feel like the luckiest man in the world, even without these big gifts. I like that you want to make me feel happy, but this,”  he tapped the box of legos, “this is too much. I feel bad for receiving this. This costed so much of your money.” 

You couldn’t help it, tears filled your eyes. He instantly frowned and shifted. You frantically blinked trying to keep them from falling, but they dripped onto your cheeks. You wiped them away as Changbin placed the legos onto the floor. He leaned over and pulled you close to him. 

“Hey, hey, hey, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. I don’t want you to spend all this money on me. I want you to spend all this money on you. I want you to be selfish for yourself.” 

He wiped more fallen tears and tugged you onto his lap. You sniffled and allowed him to. “Why do you feel like you need to buy me such large items?” 

“I-I don’t know. I guess I just feel like I’m not good enough. Maybe if I buy you things you really like, maybe you’ll stick around. Maybe I can buy your love and I-” 

“Woah, woah, woah. Buy my love?” He gently cupped your cheeks between his hands. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to buy my love. Not at all! I’m with you because I love you. I wouldn’t be with someone if I didn’t like them.” 

“I’m afraid you’ll leave,” you whispered. 

His heart broke even more and he shook his head. “If I was ever thinking about leaving you, I’d bring it up to you. I wouldn’t keep you in the dark about anything like that. Relationships are very serious things and I’d never shut you out or try to hurt your feelings on purpose. Never.” 

“So no more gifts?” You asked. 

“Well, I won’t say that. You seem like you really like giving gifts, right?” 

You nodded your head. He wiped his thumbs beneath your eyes again. “If you’d like to give me gifts, how about something small? Like maybe one of my favorite snacks? Or you could do something else.” 

“Like?”

“We could go on adventures together. We can go half and half and go on fun dates. Hyunjin just recently told me about a couple’s private pottery class that his pottery teacher hosts. How about something like that? We’ll make memories together, have fun, and we’ll have a shared experience.” 

“I guess that does sound pretty good.” 

He smiled and gently poked your cheek trying to cheer you up even more. You blushed and couldn’t help, but smile back. Your eyes went down to the lego set beside your feet. “Are you really going to make me take it back?” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I really want you to have it and I spent good money on that. Plus, I don’t want to go back to the mall. They’re going to ask why I want to return it and I’m not good at lying. I don’t want to admit that my boyfriend didn’t want it.” 

“Well…” Changbin’s eyes followed yours. “It is a really cool lego set and you did spend a bunch on it. I would like you to take it back, but I will admit that it’d look super cool in my room.”

“So will you keep it just this once?” 

He sighed before he caved. “I suppose, but this is it! If you do something like this again, I’m forcing you to take it back. I’ll hold your hand and drag you into the store. I’ll make it as dramatic as possible, so you’ll be too embarrassed to ever do it again.” 

Your cheeks went red again as you nodded in agreement. Changbin’s gaze went back up to you. “So how about we take this back to my dorm with the rest of the guys? I’ll order us food and we can put this together. Maybe we can have the other guys help us because this is going to take hours.” 

“That sounds like fun.” 

“Maybe even a full year to put together.” 

“I don’t think that’s how this works.” 

“You don’t know that. What if it takes a century? How about a millennium?” 

“Okay, now you’re just being dramatic.” 

“I can’t help it!” He tossed his hands in the air. “I live with Hyunjinnie! What did you expect to happen? 3racha doesn’t just rub off on Hyunjin, he rubs off on us too!” 

_ _ _

Hyunjin:

“You’re being such a fucking bitch!” 

They were just words, but it might as well have been a slap in the face. The look of hurt on your face was one that Hyunjin would never forget as he stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door after him. He slammed it hard enough that the walls shook. 

You shut your eyes and sucked in a deep breath trying not to cry. You were under a lot of stress from work and he was under stress from some stupid controversy that had happened with his band. It was a minor thing, but the management team was grilling all of them behind the scenes. 

The argument was just a simple miscommunication on both your ends. You were both irritated and frustrated due to external factors. It wasn’t much of a surprise when the two of you started to argue, but you didn’t think it’d get this far. 

With your head down, you walked over to the couch. You collapsed onto it and curled your head into the arm. The mixture of high strung emotions whirled into a tornado and now both of you were hurt. Your heart ached due to the cursing and all Hyunjin could feel was guilt. 

You cried and cried and cried until you ended up crying yourself to sleep in the living room. Outside, Hyunjin went on a walk trying to clear his head. He couldn’t believe he had said something like that to you. He was absolutely gutted about it. 

If there was an award for the world’s shittiest boyfriend, he’d have it in the bag. He couldn’t believe he fucked up this badly and it was absolutely unforgivable. His brain started to spiral out of control. 

What if you broke up with him? What if you never wanted to see him again? What if you went to the public and released this information to the press and the fans? He nearly had himself in tears as he took off running back towards the apartment. God, what would his band members think? They’d never forgive him for this. 

Nearly tripping over his feet, soaked in sweat, he shoved open the door and rushed inside. He walked through the brightly lit living room and was about to head towards your room until he found you curled up into a ball on the edge of the leather couch. 

For the first few moments, he was smitten. Your back moved up and down slowly as soft snores came from your mouth. He couldn’t have been outside longer than twenty minutes. 

It was quickly ripped apart when he remembered what he did. Remembering it was like a knife fileted across his stomach. He sucked in a deep breath, moved over to you, and gently shook your shoulder. He softly called your name trying to get you to wake up. 

You shifted at the touch and hummed softly. Your eyelashes were clumped together from tears. When you jerked your head and blearily opened your eyes, Hyunjin’s heart crumbled at the sight of your bloodshot eyes. 

“Baby?” His voice called out softly. He gently stretched a hand out towards you. He held his breath waiting for your reaction. 

“Hmm?” 

He sat down beside you quickly and tugged you into his lap. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I’m so sorry for calling you a bitch. I-I don’t know how to make it up to you, but it’ll never happen again.” His eyes became glossier as he spoke. His voice wavered as if he was on the verge of tears.  

“It’s fine,” you weakly got out. “We were both upset and you snapped. It’s not a big deal.” 

“But it is a big deal. I hurt you terribly and said something that never should have come out of my mouth. Darling, I’m so, so, so sorry.” 

“I’ve been called worse,” you mumbled. You were still half asleep with your head on his chest. “I was kinda being a bitch, so you weren’t wrong.” 

“No, you weren’t! I was being an asshole. Please don’t ever accept me calling you names. Never accept anyone calling you names. It’s pathetic and it’s low. You’re so much better than that.” 

“Not really,” you shook your head, “it’s okay, seriously.” 

Tears dripped down Hyunjin’s cheeks. Not only had he done the unimaginable, but now he realized you had low self-esteem. He shook his head, unable to accept your words. 

“No, it’s not okay. You are beautiful and you are lovely. You are a wonderful person and you’re very intelligent. You’re someone I can’t live without and, best of all, you’re my muse. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” 

“I-” 

He cut you off, “no. You don’t get to say mean things about yourself. You don’t get to accept what I told you. I was a fucking piece of shit and I hate that I can’t take back the words. I’m sorry, so please, if it’s okay with you, just let me hold you for a while.” 

The tears were back in your own eyes as you nodded. You had been called a variety of names in your lifetime. Once upon a time, with an awful friend, you accepted every awful thing they said about you. You were too afraid to stand up for yourself, so you took in the words constantly. 

You heard them so much that you began to believe them. Internally, those words had damaged you far more than you’d ever admit. There were thorns in your heart that still jutted out. 

Sure, Hyunjin’s words and the actions that followed, they really were wrong. Nothing he could say could take them back, but, at least, he was trying to make it right. You couldn’t stand the way he looked with tears in his eyes. 

You adjusted yourself and wrapped around his torso like a koala. He hugged you against his chest tight and rested his head on top of yours. He was so glad that you were still here and were willing to hear him out. 

_ _ _

Han:

“I’m really sorry,” you got out with a grimace. “I know, I know I shouldn’t, but she’s my friend. I can’t leave her hanging all alone. She’s a mom now and I bet that’s really exhausting.” 

Han frowned while watching you lace up your shoes. For the third time, you were canceling the date that the two of you were supposed to go on. All he wanted to do was spend time with you, but your friend kept taking advantage of your kindness. 

It was okay, at first, and he understood. Parenting could be hard and it was healthy to take breaks. However, your friend kept constantly asking you to watch her kid. She never paid you for it and she asked in the spur of the moment. There was never time to preplan anything which kept throwing off what you had with Han. 

Your boyfriend’s patience and understanding only went so far. In your eyes, you were trying to be a good friend. In his eyes, you were being used as a free babysitter because your friend didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of having a kid. It was frustrating and it was annoying, especially when it kept ruining your date nights. 

“I’ll be back later,” you managed to get out. You were starting to feel upset about the situation yourself. Dealing with a baby, one that was only a few months old, was a lot of work. 

After being at work all day, you wanted to lie down and cuddle with Han. You wanted to go with him to do some low energy activity and then come back home and cuddle. Both of you were introverted and you liked it that way. 

Dating an introvert was the best decision you ever made. Sure, occasionally, the two of you liked to go do something you both enjoyed. Most of your time was spent at home where you were relaxed. You weren’t overstimulated and you weren’t overwhelmed. 

“What’s the reasoning this time?” Han grumbled, unable to stop himself from being bitter. He was tired of your friend’s bullshit. If she wanted you to watch her kid so much, the least she could do was pay you. 

“Um…” You trailed off knowing that your response would upset him. 

“Is it something dumb?” 

“I-I guess,” you shrugged, “she wants to go to the bar.” 

“Are you being serious?” He whined. “Baby, that’s not fair! She can wait until the weekend to get plastered, it’s literally only Tuesday! I made restaurant reservations in an hour and now I have to move them again!” 

“I’m really sorry, but she’s my friend.” 

“She’s using you!” 

“But she ju-” 

“Why are you making excuses for her? You know that I’m right. This isn’t helping your relationship with her. You’re not getting paid for this either. You’re babysitting her child and now, when she gets home, you’ll have to babysit her too because she’s going to come home drunk.”

“What am I supposed to do? She’s my friend! I can’t just leave her to suffer alone and I-” 

“Woah,” his eyes widened in shock, “since when is parenting suffering? Your friend knew what she was getting into and you know it. She planned this pregnancy and she went on and on and on about all the baby books she read.” 

“I know that it’s hard to be a single-parent. It’s overwhelming and it’s awful, but you know what? I love you!” Your face scrunched up in confusion from his words. “And I don’t like seeing you being taken advantage of because you’re too kind.” 

“You keep chasing after your friend and you keep giving her an excuse to abandon her duties as a parent to go have fun. It’d be different if this was planned in advance and if you were being paid for it or something, but she keeps doing this!” 

“But-” 

He held up his hand to silence you. “This time she wants to go to a bar. The last time, she had a nail appointment. The time before that? She wanted to go to the bar again. When you’re a parent, you have to do what’s best for your child and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself.” 

You stayed silent hating that he was right. Ever since your friend gave birth, she had been leaning on you a lot. It made sense, in the beginning, and you didn’t mind, but it was starting to become a huge issue. 

It’s not that you didn’t like her child because you did. He was adorable and he listened well, but you didn’t want to have a kid and the responsibilities that came with it. At least, not at this time. 

“I don’t want to hurt her feelings,” you finally admitted. “I feel really shitty if I say no. I just…I don’t want to be an asshole.” 

“I know you don’t.” Han walked towards you, grabbed your hands, and tugged you off the couch. “But does it really make you an asshole if you’re putting yourself first? Sometimes you have to give people some tough love. Your friend can’t avoid her parenting responsibilities forever.” 

You let out a sigh and nodded your head. “I’ll go talk to her. I’ll come back and-” You paused before your eyes met his own sparkling eyes. “Is it alright if I meet you at the restaurant?” 

“Really?” 

You nodded again. 

He screeched in delight and jerked you over his shoulder. You shrieked as he spun around and bounced a few times. Your shrieks turned into laughter as he cheered. 

Once he finished, he put you back down. “I’m so proud of you for creating boundaries.” He reached over and planted a gentle kiss on your lips. “I’ll text you the restaurant location and then we’re getting drinks to celebrate. Now,” he shoved you towards the door, “get out and go talk to your friend.” 

“I believe in you and you can do this! No matter what happens, even if it backfires, you’ve got this! Honeybun, you can do anything and handle any problem that comes your way. Wait!” He rushed towards you and placed a kiss on your cheek. “For good luck!” He beamed. 

You laughed and thanked him as you left the apartment. Once you were outside, you sucked in a deep breath. This was terrifying and anxiety-inducing. You were sure your friend would be upset at your decision, but Han was right, you couldn’t keep bowing down to your friend and watching her kid all the time. 

It wasn’t making you happy. It wasn’t fair to the baby because you weren’t their parent. It wasn’t fair that your friend was able to keep avoiding responsibilities either. As you approached your car, you reminded yourself silently that Han believed in you. In turn, it made you believe in yourself too. 

_ _ _

Felix:

It was all going wrong. Everything was going wrong. Felix’s birthday was today and you were screwing up massively. You had everything planned out perfectly and then your mother ruined it. 

Usually, you put aside extra money to splurge on things. You weren’t the best when it came to money. In fact, you struggled with it. Every time you had money, all you wanted to do was spend it. It was a bad habit that you had just yet to break. 

Lately, you had bought a few gifts for Felix. You picked out a few new games for his Nintendo Switch that you’d thought he’d like. Plus, you found a few new articles of clothes that were his style. You even managed to purchase a bottle of the fancy cologne he liked to wear because you realized he was getting low on it. 

You splurged on the wrapping paper and the gift bags. Gift wrapping wasn’t your forte, but you were determined to impress Felix. This was the first year the two of you were dating and you were excited to throw him his own small party between the two of you. You spent nearly three hours on YouTube studying the perfect way to wrap gifts. 

When you found the video you liked the most, you took another two hours following along and neatly following the tutorials. You kept the gifts hidden beneath your bed and away from Felix for a few days, so he had no idea. 

You went out of your way to design a special cake. There was a bakery in the area that had raving reviews. They made custom cakes and you already had an idea of a cake you wanted to create. Since he spent so much time playing Animal Crossing and listening to Animal Crossing music, you wanted to get him to follow that theme. 

You were making a simple sketch of what you wanted. You planned to take it down to the bakery and have them create it. You had a price range and everything. Everything was perfect and then your phone rang. 

You were on your way towards the bakery, it wasn’t far away. When you picked up the phone, you realized it was your mom. You swiped the call and pressed the phone up to your ear. “Hello?” You answered. 

You paused and listened for a moment before your face fell. “Did you seriously? Mom!” You cried out. You couldn’t help the frustration that built up in your voice. 

“Don’t you ‘mom’ me!” Your mother shot back. “You’re old enough that you should be giving back to me. I helped raise you! I put food on your plate and a roof over your head! I fed you and I gave you an education.” 

You gritted your teeth and rolled your eyes at her response. After a while, you hung up the phone frustrated and upset. You returned back home and tried to fall back into your usual upbeat persona. You must have done a good job because Felix didn’t realize that something was wrong. 

The day before, you went to your mother’s house to help her make a meal. You put the small backpack you carried with your jacket. What you didn’t realize was that while you were out cooking, your mother got into your things and stole the cash you pulled out of the bank, specifically, for Felix’s cake. 

She constantly harassed you for money and sometimes you gave in. You couldn’t help it. Every time she pulled out the excuse of raising you, you felt guilty. It was like a kick to the back of the knees and you collapsed every time. 

You struggled to figure out what to do. You didn’t want to borrow money from anyone. You definitely weren’t going to make Felix buy his own cake. You didn’t want to wait until the end of the week before your next paycheck came in, so you decided on the next best thing. 

The next best thing, apparently, wasn’t the best idea. You thought you were making the recipe right for homemade cake, two days later. Everything was going alright until you tasted the batter. You instantly gagged and spit out the mixture. 

As you flipped back through the recipe, you realized that you had followed the recipe perfectly. However, you somehow managed to mix salt with sugar. The supposed sweetened batter was now a salty wreck. 

You cursed beneath your breath and dumped the mixture. You pulled out another bowl to remake and remeasure everything. While you were trying to recreate the recipe, Felix walked right into the kitchen. 

His sudden appearance caught you way off guard. You jumped while pouring flour and suddenly the bowl of half-made liquid cake was coated in way too much flour. A lump sat in the back of your throat as your face fell. 

“Oh,” Felix frowned, “I’m so sorry, baby. I thought you heard me come through the door. What are you making? I’ll help you remake it.” He sent you a reassuring smile, reached over, set a hand on top of your head, and playfully messed up your hair. 

All you could think about was how much he would have loved the Animal Crossing cake. The cake would have been moist and light. The frosting wouldn’t be too sweet and it wouldn’t overwhelm him. 

A strangled squabble came from your throat. Felix blinked in confusion and raised an eyebrow. “Baby, are you alright?” 

“I was supposed to get you a cake!” You blurted out. “I had this plan to get you an amazing cake with Tom Nook on it. I was going to recreate your little house and your character. It was going to be so cute and t-then-” you sucked in a shaky breath feeling like you were going to cry. “My mom took my money when I was at her house. I-I’m so sorry.” 

“It was going to be a cute cake. It was going to be custom made and it was supposed to be here, but I couldn’t even pay to have the bakers make it. I wanted to put it here and surprise you. I was going to make you a homemade one to try and make up for it, but I keep fucking it up.” 

A soft smile filled Felix’s face. “You were going to get an Animal Crossing cake for me?” 

“You love that game a lot.” 

“And I also love you a lot. It was an incredibly sweet idea, but don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ll be more than happy to have anything you bake me. I know you’d bake a homemade cake with plenty of love. That’s something that Tom Nook doesn’t know anything about.” 

You suddenly broke into a laugh as tears filled your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you finally finished. “I’m just really not having a great day. I should be having the best day ever. You popped out of your mom’s womb on this day and that was the greatest gift of all.” 

“Woah, okay, how about we stop right there?” He laughed. “We really don’t need to talk about my mother’s womb.” 

“I should call her and thank her.” 

“I don’t know how she’d respond to that. So anyway, what about your mom stealing your money? Is she going to give it back?” 

And so, you and Felix worked side-by-side making a third cake batter and placing it in the oven. He listened to you ramble about your mom while the two of you tossed ingredients into a bowl. You explained how guilty she made you feel and how you’d occasionally give her money because of that guilt. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that’s healthy. You don’t owe your parents anything. As a parent, it’s their responsibility to provide for you. They shouldn’t be making you feel guilty for that.” 

“I can’t help it, it’s the people pleasing part of me.” 

“I understand because I’m like that too sometimes. You’ve just gotta do what’s best for you. Your mom can be a little…um….” 

“Crazy?” You finished for him. 

“Well, I was looking for a nicer word, but yes. She can be a little much sometimes. You seem to be a lot happier when you don’t interact with her. I think you should focus on what makes you happy.” 

The two of you continued to talk. When the cake was baked, Felix leaned over to pull it from the oven, and you rushed to your room to grab the presents you had. He placed the cake on the stove to let it cool. When he turned back around, he blinked in shock. 

A few wrapped presents and a gift bag sat upon the counter that the two of you had just cleaned up a few moments prior. When his curious eyes met yours, you smiled at him. “Just because I couldn’t get the cake, it doesn’t mean I couldn’t spoil you with gifts. Happy birthday, baby.”

_ _ _

Seungmin:

Seungmin’s heart stopped beating when he heard you sobbing. He just came home from the studio. There wasn’t time to take off his shoes. His brain instantly went to the worst thing and he sprinted towards the sound. 

He didn’t knock, he just shoved the bedroom door open with wide eyes. You were a wreck with your face in the pillow. He rushed towards you in a panic. “Hey, hey, hey, why are you crying?” He hurried over and plopped down beside you. 

His hand instantly went towards your back to comfort you. Upon hearing his voice, you cried into your pillow harder. There was something embarrassing about being vulnerable in front of your significant other. 

“Baby, please talk to me. I don’t know what’s wrong if you don’t tell me. Did something happen?” He gently scooped his hands beneath your stomach and shifted you into a sitting position. 

A thousand what-ifs were locked into his head. You sucked in a shaky deep breath and let out another sob. He frowned and wiped your tears away. You hiccuped through the final few sobs. 

“I-I’m sorry,” you stuttered in a shrill voice. “I-I just-” 

“It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize. Just tell me what’s wrong. I hate seeing you like this.” He frowned and wiped away your tears. 

“M-My friend,” you managed to get out. 

“Your friend? What happened? Did they get injured?” Fear struck his heart. “Did they die?” 

You shook your head again frantically and your hair shook from side to side. “T-They just keep saying things a-and-” You burst into another sob. 

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion. His arms wrapped around you while you sobbed. While he held you close to him, there was a vibration from beside you as your phone received another notification. Your fingers clenched around his arm and you cried harder. 

Seungmin tried to console you, but you were a mess. He pressed his lips against the top of your scalp and continued to fight off your tears. He shushed you and rubbed your back. When your phone vibrated again, he finally glanced down at your phone. 

Your head was buried in his chest. You were a wreck from what your friend was telling you. More quick vibrations filled your phone with every text sent your way. Seungmin’s eyes didn’t leave the screen as more and more text notifications filled the screen. 

“Baby, who’s texting you?” 

You didn’t respond. Your fingers clutched onto his shirt tighter. You buried your head in his chest more as if it’d help you escape your inner turmoil. The tighter you clung to him, the more worried he became. 

He’d never seen you to the point of being unconsolable. Sure, you had your rough days before, but not like this. When your phone vibrated again, he didn’t ask. He reached over, unlocked your phone, and he glanced at the text messages. 

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he definitely wasn’t expecting to find one of your close friends screaming every obscenity at you imaginable in capitalized letters. His jaw instantly clenched and his hand tightened around your phone screen. 

“Baby, why the fuck are you being cursed out?” 

“B-Because,” you hiccuped, “I said I didn’t want to hang out with them.” 

“So why are they cursing at you?”

“They’re always like this when they don’t get their way. I’m h-having-” you hiccuped again, “a bad day and t-this just-” 

“Was your tipping point?” 

You sniffled and nodded. Seungmin frowned and scrolled through a few previous text messages. “They’re really always like this?” 

“They’re kind of mean when they have a bad day.” 

“Kind of?” Bewilderment stretched his eyebrows up. “Kind of?” 

He read a little more and gasped. “I know this dumbfuck didn’t just call my significant other ugly. Now we have our own little beef. Ugly? Have they considered looking in the mirror? The love of my life is no such thing.” 

He didn’t even ask, he just responded. When he was quiet for a while, you pulled your head out of his chest with wet cheeks. “What are yo-” 

“Putting this cunt in their place.” 

“Seungmin!” You cried shocked at the insult. 

“Don’t ‘Seungmin’ me. They just said you looked like you were inbred and they have a big storm coming their way. I won’t let an ugly cunt insult the love of my life. Not when they look like they were shaken in the womb and came out disfigured in more ways than one.” 

“You cannot be mean back!” You reached out and attempted to grab your phone. He jerked it out of your reach. “Seungmin!” 

“I’m just getting to the good part, baby. Wait until I tell them that a New York City rat has more manners and class than them.” 

“Seungmin!” 

“Swing low and I go lower,” he shrugged innocently, “maybe they shouldn’t have been so mean. They can start it, but I’m ending it.” 

You sighed, but you let him go. He seemed to be really focused on your phone. His eyes were narrowed and his thumbs moved frantically over the screen. He typed for quite a while before he hit the send button. 

“Do I even want to know what you said?” 

“Nope. Don’t worry,” he pressed a few more buttons, “because now you never have to deal with them again.” 

“What did you do?” 

“Blocked them after giving them a long insult that will be sure to affect their family for multiple generations after them.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I’m not going to sit by and let an asshole insult my favorite person.” 

You softened instantly and glanced up at him with heart eyes. “I’m your favorite person.” 

“Maybe. It might have just slipped out. Anyway,” he stood up and grabbed your arm. You followed along and let him lead you into the bathroom. He pushed you in front of him and stood with his hands on your shoulders. You stood staring at your reflections in the bathroom mirror. 

“What are we doing?” 

“You’re going to repeat after me.” 

“But I-” 

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this. We’re going to stand here for five minutes and recite positive affirmations to dust off that negativity. After that, who knows, I might put a curse on that motherfucker.” 

“Seungmin!” 

“I’ll let Changbin beat them up and allow Lee Know to shove them in the air-fryer. Just wait until Felix finds out what they did to my precious gem. The sunshine is going to turn into a tornado and rip them apart. Now repeat after me, I am beautiful.” 

You hesitated at first, but after a while, you were repeating the affirmations through laughter and smiles as Seungmin tickled you. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone off on your friend, but you were precious to him and he hated to see you cry. He’d do anything to cheer you up. 

_ _ _

Jeongin:

Another day meant another chance to thrive. In your case, it was another day to sleep whenever you could fit it. Today, it was in your car. You barely got into the driveway and got the car turned off. You instantly slumped forward and pressed your head against the cool steering wheel. You fell asleep rather quickly and were like that for a while. 

Jeongin was used to coming home and finding your car in the parking lot. You got home an hour before him on most days. It wasn’t much of a surprise when he saw your familiar car in the parking lot. He parked his car behind you and shut it off. 

After climbing out, he yawned and lifted his arms above his head in a stretch. There were a few quick pops from his spine and he hissed. Today, the band had dance practice. His body was sore in more than one area. 

He shook out his limbs and began to head towards the apartment until he saw something out of the corner of his eye. With a frown, he glanced over towards your car. It took him a moment before he made your slumped figure out in the driver’s seat. 

His eyes filled with horror and he rushed towards your side of the car. He gripped the side of the car and tugged on the handle. Unfortunately, it was locked. Panic engulfed him and he knocked on your window frantically. 

You groaned at the noise interrupting your sleep. You shifted, but you didn’t lift up your head. Upon seeing this, he knocked at your window harder and tried to tug the handle again. 

Realizing someone was attempting to get into your car, you finally glanced up to find your boyfriend at your window. His eyes were full of concern as he gestured for you to unlock the car. 

You reached over, hit the unlock button, and you yawned. Jeongin flung the door open and hurried to your side. “Are you okay? Baby, please look at me.” 

When your sleepy eyes met his, his worry increased. He gently grabbed your chin and turned your head to the side. His eyes scanned for a head injury. “Are you alright, sweetheart? Did you hit your head? Did you pass out or something? Have you eaten anything?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You were unconscious in the car.” 

“Oh, yeah,” you shrugged, “I fell asleep.” 

He let out a sigh of relief, stroked your chin a few times, and finally let go. “You scared the fuck out of me. I thought something had happened and I was going to have to call an ambulance. If you wouldn’t have unlocked the car, I probably would have broken the window.” 

“I’m alright, I swear. I’m just tired, that’s all.” You rubbed your eyes with another yawn. “I’ve gotta head inside and get some sleep. My boss is probably going to want me to come into the office again early and stay late.” 

“Baby, with all due respect, you’re like a walking zombie. I know you like pleasing your boss and the money is good, but this isn’t healthy for you.” 

You let out a groan, but Jeongin stood his ground. “I know you don’t like hearing it, but you know I’m right. You need to focus on what’s best for you. Sometimes that means making sacrifices that might make other people unhappy, occasionally.” 

He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “Let’s get you inside and taken care of. Have you eaten anything today?” 

“I haven’t had time, honestly.” 

He frowned again, but he didn’t lecture you. “Let’s start there and then we can go on. Let’s get you a quick bite to eat and then get you to bed, alright?” 

You nodded in agreement. He held out his hand and you intertwined your fingers with his. You let him slowly tug you towards the house. Still half-asleep, you didn’t mind the babying he was doing for you. He plopped you down in a kitchen chair. 

You rested your head in your hand and nearly fell back asleep. He quickly made the two of you instant ramen cups to share. You were teetering on the edge of conscious and unconsciousness. He gently shook you awake, so you can eat. 

The two of you managed to have a decent conversation despite your yawns and tired voice. You managed to get halfway through the ramen before you nearly knocked it over as your body twitched while falling asleep. 

He chuckled and moved your ramen away from you. “Alright, come on, let’s go.” He stood up, grabbed your hands, and gently tugged you up. “Let’s go get you all tucked in, sleepyhead.” 

You hummed in agreement and let him lead you to the bed. He helped you out of your work clothes and into a pair of pajamas. When he was finished, he led you towards the bed and he tucked you beneath the covers. 

Bending over you, he planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” you sleepily mumbled with your eyes shut. 

“Promise you’ll start to work less overtime? I don’t want you to fall asleep on the road and get into a car accident. I want you to be safe and healthy.” 

You weakly nodded your head in agreement. He planted another kiss on your head before he laid down beside you. Happily, you snuggled into his warmth. His arms wrapped around you and he rested his head on top of yours. 

You fell asleep rather quickly, but it took a little longer for him to follow. He was nearly asleep until your phone chirped with a new notification. Groggily, he reached over and grabbed your phone off the side table. 

He stared at the text message from your boss and then he glanced over at you. You were sleeping rather peacefully and he didn’t want to wake you up. Taking his time, he slowly removed himself from your bed and crept with your phone out into the kitchen. 

Far away from you, he called your boss and explained that you had been overworking yourself. When your boss heard about how little sleep you were getting, they were instantly struck with guilt. Jeongin got permission for you to take off the next two days. 

You now had Thursday and Friday off, so you could catch up on sleep and recover. After that, you were free during the weekend. On Monday morning, he made sure you were able to go in at normal time. 

Maybe, you’d be able to work overtime as long as you didn’t overwhelm yourself with it. Jeongin couldn’t help it, he was worried about you. If you were upset and thought he’d overstepped his boundaries, that was a conversation the two of you could have the next day. 

For now, he placed your phone back on the side table. Climbing back into the bed, he wrapped his arms around you. He tugged your sleeping form close and let out a sigh of relief. With a calm mind and a fluttering heart, he’d finally join you in the land of dreams. 

| ���.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡|

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

[conundrumsofphilosophy]

hi!! how do you think each merc would react if they got stuck on an elevator? maybe reader could be there too and started panicking, how would they deal with it? ^^

ANON I LOVE THIS. this is such a fun prompt im obsessed. sorry this took literally months . college is hard

scout

- he's immediately mad. kicking the wall and repeatedly pushing buttons

- ends up pacing and freaking anyone else in the elevator out

- when he starts yelling for help it's over

- if you start panicking it'll just make him panic because he doesn't know what to do to help you, he just gets louder

soldier

- slamming on the doors with his entire body weight. does NOT realize the doors will open to an elevator shaft and not a safe floor

- SCREAMING for help. he's not panicked really just very impatient. it's very un-american to get trapped in an elevator.

- if he's in there too long he'll wear himself out and sit on the floor and pout for a while. sad sad puppy dog man

- if you're freaking out he'll just yell in your face which will not help but he is yelling reassuring things. he just has zero volume control.

pyro

- definitely just saying what the hell over and over again. not yelling just muttering to themself and being mostly unintelligible

- kicks the door a little bit but doesn't get overly violent

- mostly just dismayed at the situation. will sit down and fiddle with whatever they have on them, tinker with whatever weapons anyone has. patient

- will sit there in silence with you and help you breathe deep if you're panicking. mutters kind things which you can't understand but he's trying

engineer

- pops open the panel immediately and starts fiddling with wires and trying to fix it himself. not at all worried that he might break it worse

- throws stuff if he can't get it working again. very much with the dangits and dammits and dagnabbits

- starts yelling for help but gets bored of it pretty quick and just huffs and puffs

- if you're freaked out he'll calm himself down though. he'd hate to be part of the reason you're freaking out

demo

- he doesn't even notice at first. he's just drinking and smiling.

- once he realizes it's been a loooong time in the elevator. he'll sort of just poke at some buttons, kick at the door a little bit. surprisingly nonchalant about it

- if he's drunk enough he'll start to prepare to blow the door open you gotta make him not do that. because it would most certainly not help

- if you're freaking out he'll stare at you for a while before he even says anything because he doesn't know what would help. he isn't helpful at all

heavy

- so normal about. he is chilling. if someone else has an idea that requires brute force he will contribute but won't initiate it himself he's perfectly content to just wait it out

- i like to think he brings a little paperback with him all the time and he will just sit down and read

- might even fall asleep. his snoring would make anyone else in the elevator want to die though

- probably the best person to have with you if you're freaking out he can provide anything you need. need to be grounded? bone crushing hug. need reassuring words? might be a little broken in english but he's got em.

medic

- gone into hysterics i think. especially if there are more than three people in the elevator he needs out right now

- snaps at anyone that tries to get him to help with anything he's like. sitting in the corner rocking back and forth

- he's literally completely 100% normal the second you get out it's like nothing happened

- he's not helping you if you're freaking out unless staring at you menacingly is helping

sniper

- doesn't care literally whatsoever he's used to being in enclosed spaces for hours at a time

- you better believe he's pissing in jars if he has them.

- will help with the Escape Plan if he deems it smart enough

- if you're freaking out he'll just sit there but he thinks it's helping

spy

- soooooo frustrated there are much better things he'd rather be doing than being trapped with You People

- filling the elevator with cigarette smoke much to the chagrin of everyone in it. he does not care whatsoever

- gets bored quickly and will sit and flip his knife endlessly while still chainsmoking

- if you're freaking out he'll probably just say something he thinks is kind but just makes you feel worse

[salaimoi]

first story from my new, ongoing series: talk to me nice. feel free to leave any constructive criticism! (I can handle it, unlike Gojo)

"Look, I didn't ask for your stupid advice, so don't pretend like you know everything."

Gojo hissed at you, nearly popping a vein from how smug you were being right now.

The only thing you suggested was that he stop dressing like somebody’s grandpa all the time – he had a physique carved by the gods themselves, why not put it to use? Such a waste, honestly.

"Mm~ whatever. So sassy," you replied, followed by an eye roll violent enough to nearly cause your eyes to fall clean off your skull. “Ever heard of constructive criticism?”

"Yeah, yeah. You know, instead of just giving me advice all the time, why don't you compliment me for once? You know, say something nice about me — it's not that hard. "

"Me? Compliment you? Gojo please. Unless you wire me every single yen in your bank account, you won't hear a single praise come out of this mouth.”

Even though he himself felt very frustrated right now, he couldn't stop himself from enjoying the banter – so much so that he would begin to grin as he tried to control himself from bursting out laughing. You were playing a dangerous game here because he could actually make this deal happen, and you were perfectly aware of that — but despite that, you were still trying to push his buttons and he’d make you eat your words because of it.

"You know what, I think I will actually do just that. So let me ask you, what happens when I send over every yen in my bank account, will you genuinely compliment yours truly?" he smirks in that usual arrogant manner, growing more and more interested by the second. "I better get my money’s worth, you know."

Still thinking he was bluffing, you replied, "Obviously. But you only get one compliment."

"Humm~ fine, and it better be the most heart shattering compliment in the history of compliments — soul crushing even. Now, I'll go ahead and transfer you the money," he paused for a moment before remembering something rather important. 

"I need your bank account number to wire the money."

"W-wait … you're not serious are you?”

"Why would I lie? I’m serious about this and you'll also be serious about your part, got it? So I need that bank account number now."

"Are you insane!? I was only kidding, genius!"

"Maybe I am, but I'm doing this because I really want your compliment. So don't try to discourage me because for every minute we spend arguing here, I'm losing my patience.”

And it wasn’t like he needed your flattery; he just wanted to hear you sing his praises as a contrast to your usual behavior. You were always so cold and apathetic around him, but he knew that wasn’t the real you — and he took it upon himself to reveal the side you buried under that stoic facade. 

“So just tell me your bank account number and I'm going to transfer the money to your account right now — the full 59 billion."

Your body froze in utter shock as you realized he was dead serious. Straightening yourself on the mattress, your mouth hung wide open — staring at him in disbelief. The realization of it all was enough to cause one of your eyes to twitch in perplexity.

"Gojo you must've lost your mind if you think I'm gonna accept that,” you scoffed at how insufferable he really was, but secretly loving every second of it. "Who in their right mind would spend ¥59 billion on one compliment?"

"Only people who can afford it, of course,” he smirks cynically, tossing his phone up into the air just for it to land right back onto his palm. “If you ask me, ¥59 billion is too small a price for a compliment directly out of that pretty mouth of yours.” 

“You’re insufferable. For fucks sake, you should have a mental disorder named after you.”

“But you can't actually deny that I'm pretty charming, can you? You might not show a hint of  affection, but I think it's pretty obvious that you like my insufferable attitude. Or are you gonna deny that you don't?"

He unlocked his phone, opening the banking app and going into the transfer section.

You didn’t hesitate to smack the phone out of his hand, causing it to fall down on the bed. 

"Satoru, are you even listening to me!!??"

"Heh~ you're actually quite impressive when you finally get serious. You were really quick there with that tiny hand of yours.”

“This tiny hand of mine will be enclosing around your neck until you’re out of oxygen if you continue to act like an unsupervised child with access to money.”

His expression was thoughtful for a few seconds before he pointed at you, flashing his pearly whites.

"You know, you're actually pretty attractive when you get all aggressive like that. It really looks cute on you. I don't know if I can actually handle someone who's this much of a pain in the ass but still has a cute side to her."

He chortles, leaning back on the headboard before continuing, "See? That’s how you compliment someone, wasn’t that hard now was it? Now you do it.”

Your eyes narrow, two fingers rubbing at your temples as you contemplate the situation.

"You know what. Fine. If you want to recklessly spend your money like this, I'll give you what you want. No comment until I see that money in my bank account, though."

This reply made him burst out laughing, his grin becoming a bit bigger and he began to speak with a playful tone.

"Alright, if you say so. But just remember, it'll be too late to back out after I've already sent the money…”

[One new notification: direct deposit from Gojo Satoru received. New balance: ¥59,000,000,000.024.]

"..."

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

"...you have nice eyes?"

"..."

"..."

“I want a refund right this instant, y/n.”

[good-beanswrites]

My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:

(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.

It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.

(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)

In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.

The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.

The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.

The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)

Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.

Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.

The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)

Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.

It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.

[angelofchaos001]

Meet the Rivulet! (Splitmind AU)

Reblogs > Likes (Reblogging helps out a lot, even if it doesn't seem like much!)

It's Ruffles time!

Lore under cut, includes pre and post Scugerator

Quick tidbit about her design, is that as I draw more designs, I slowly make these slugcats less cat-like and just go more and more nuts, with the Splitmind AU being very different. Rivulet isn't even furred, but instead has placoid scales and has a more sharkskin feel to her.

Also, something you'll see with more of the AU is that scugerators will have their left eye black with a pupil colored like the iterator inside the scug. The only time this changes is when the iterator takes temporary control (whether willingly or through force), where both eyes become reflective of the iterator.

Moots, Interested, or Ones who I think will be interested

@doodlebug091

@keeper-of-magic

@angeliteonfridgeduty

@stupidscav

@batnip

@riverripplespeaks

@cherry-b0mber

@luxdraconia

@voldkat

@lunas-sketchbook

Pre - Moon

Before Moon placed her consciousness in the paws of a slugcat, Rivulet was just an aquatic beast that lived in Shoreline, mostly near the seafloor of the ocean and only coming up every so often to sunbathe or hunt if her normal prey was scarce. (Splitmind Rivulet has true gills, so she can live underwater. She also still has lungs, don't worry, evolution didn't screw her over too bad)

Rivulet lived a solitary lifestyle, only coming into contact with one other slugcat in their life, who simply came and went. At some point, she did visit the local iterator before their collapse, and was given the Mark of Communication before going back to the life she usually lived.

After the iterator collapsed, Rivulet started collecting some of the scraps that washed into the sea, such as pearls, bits of metal and wiring, and even a rarefaction cell (and a lot more damaged cells too). Eventually, she saw another slugcat traveling to the iterator, and out of curiosity, she followed them to watch as they brought the lifeless puppet back to life. After the other slugcat left, Rivulet dropped down to listen to Moon's stories, and would even stay in the chamber when the rains came since she could still breathe.

Post - Moon

After several cycles of living with the iterator, Rivulet saw another slugcat enter the chamber. After initially being hostile towards them, Moon wanted to investigate after the slugcat drew a pearl from a pouch and handed it to her before speaking to both of them, despite marks not being two-way communication. The creature explained that it was an iterator inside of the slugcat's mind, and it hoped this could be a convoluted way to ascend themselves by binding their own minds to another, more feral creature. The pearl contained the instructions on how to do such.

Without lingering for much longer to answer any questions, the creature then gave a suggestion that, normally, it would prefer to genetically engineer the perfect host for such a task, but in Moon's condition, it could be less stressful on her fragile systems to use what was on-hand.

After reading the pearl, Moon asked Rivulet if this was something she was okay with: An iterator in her mind. Rivulet agreed, having grown fond of Moon's presence, and wanted the best for her. Moon went ahead with the process, transferring her mind to Rivulet's.

With a newfound consciousness alongside her own, Rivulet originally wanted to try ascending straight away, but Moon encouraged her to spend some time exploring and showing her things she'd never seen before. Rivulet began doing just that, and Moon offered insight into things that Rivulet didn't understand. The two meshed perfectly, and in the end, the choice Rivulet made was one she never regretted.

Rivulet also met some of the other scugerators on her travels, namely, a feisty and explosive slugcat that had the same telltale eye, but refused to open up on who or why. The slugcat, Artificer, had two missions: Kill the scavenger cheiftain, and then ascend. Rivulet wanted to help, at least with the ascension, and accompanied Artificer on parts of her journey until finally taking her to the new place the scavengers had set up, Bitter Aerie in the remnants of Moon's structure.

After Artificer had done what she wanted, Rivulet took her to meet echo after echo, though both the echoes and Moon told Rivulet that something was wrong with Artificer, as a carnal desire bound her to this world. Despite this, Rivulet still guided Artificer through the world until they'd reached Subterranean, where the guardians (obviously) attempted to attack Artificer. With Rivulet's speed and a bit of trickery, she was able to sneak Artificer past them and eventually, to the void sea.

Riv watched Artificer go, but shortly after could see the golden shimmers in the water and almost saw the red slugcat being fragmented. Confused and worried, especially after seeing what looked like the slugcat trying to claw her way back to the surface, Rivulet dove in to save her. Despite the pain of the void fluid starting to dissolve her body, Rivulet managed to grab Artificer and pull them both out before either could echo/ascend.

After this, Artificer said she was going to 'make things right', and after the two sheltered together, disappeared into the world. In attempts to find her lost friend, Rivulet found a trio of slugcats that didn't have the telltale eye and instead, seemed like just that: Slugcats. As she talked to them and got to know the three, a pair of siblings and the third being like an adoptive one, she became friends with them as well and tries to visit them as often as she can, since she still roams the world looking for Artificer.

[none-shall-caricature-me]

What exactly is Albert's plan ? Why is there a picture of him and Monsieur M together ? Why does Albert seem to dislike M in it ? How are TWDAK and VTSOM lores linked ? What is the deep, thematic significance behind Albert's views on Vincent ? What exactly are the dream eaters ? Buckle up, this will be a multi - part analysis and we'll have to go in a sequence of steps.

Ok, recap of the basics first. Albert's dream therapy ability is basically some neuroscience - based technology that allows him to hijack people's brains for a while - that is how he is able to communicate with total strangers and influence his office environment, affect a monstrous appearance, give jumpscares and control his victims' fates in their dreams. It explains the bizarre, nightmarish feel of TWDAK.

Then what do the dream eaters do ? How are they made ? Let's go step - by - step into my explanation :

Albert very deliberately administers nightmares to his dream therapy candidates to select an 'army' for his grand plan to revive G2 district. Those who succumb to fear in the nightmare and blindly obey all his instructions perfectly as self - preservation essentially give up control of their fate. They let him decide their fate in their dream.

Now, dreams reflect a person's personality too - they are our memories and neural connections rehashed and mix - and - matched. Albert taps into a person's psychological wiring and instincts through the therapy.

Which means that the 'patients' who obey him out of pure fear are likely to be paranoid and passive when faced with unfamiliar dangers. Therefore, he can easily manipulate and control them using their fear. This could explain the dream eaters' lifeless, gloomy appearance and perpetual silence - it's like they're frozen in a constant state of fear. It's why they're perfect soldiers for his army- they won't rebel, and they are willing to 'eat' victims and follow orders to save their own selves.

You can't control a nightmare. Like any dream, it is formed by your random memories and instincts, random brain connections firing and combining. It's a situation where you're helpless to your psyche, to your subconscious. In Albert's therapy, it's a situation where you're helpless to HIM. How you react depends on your long - honed psyche, who you are deep down.

Think about your nightmares. To give my own example, I've had nightmares about being eaten alive by cannibals, being bombed, being unloved and alone, serial killers, my family and myself becoming evil and harming one another, etc. In some I remember fighting back. In others I was powerless and gave up.

Those like Taylor, who fight back despite being stuck in a horrifying situation they can't understand, show that they have a strong, hopeful outlook somewhere. They use logic as best as they can to do whatever they can. That's why they'll contribute to a G2 that has many pioneering, exceptional citizens.

Why do the dream eaters 'eat' victims ? Why are they 'hungry' ? Why do they need to 'eat' at all ? What happens to a victim who gets 'eaten' ? This is very meta - I think, since in the game everyone you get eaten Taylor urges you to try again and the game loops back, those who get 'eaten' get stuck in the nightmare. They're stuck until they either obey and become Albert's army members, or rebel and get spared. The purpose of dream eaters is to ensure the candidate can't escape till they prove their worth either way. That is Albert's plan for G2 - use the dream eaters to test people's worth, make them either useful to him as testers for other candidates, or leave the 'exceptional' ones be to hopefully improve G2.

What else do the dream eaters do besides acting as a test for candidates' worth ? Is it possible that Albert can do some Inception - style shit, influencing powerful people's decisions by implanting ideas into their psyche ? Is that how he plans to change G2 ?

Remember VTSOM ? Monsieur M's plan is to replace the 'inferior' human species with the much faster, smarter, stronger, modifiable cyborgs. That's his idea of improving life forms and the world. Whereas Albert's idea of improving G2 district is NOT by rejecting humanity but by finding and embracing its exceptional side. He taps into people's subconscious to find the brave, the fearless, those who can retain sense and logic under extreme stress. And that's why Albert dislikes M. M rejects humans totally, deriding them at many points in VTSOM. But Albert sees that humans can be pretty awesome, or atleast useful.

Now, the link between Albert and Vincent. Albert says that Vincent had great potential, but he saw him let it go to waste. Keep in mind the points above, and now remember - Vincent used to be someone who would rebel against society, accept loneliness because he wouldn't compromise on his principles and beliefs. He used to be brave. But then, he grew tired of loneliness. Which is all well and understandable to Albert, except that then Vincent, in his desire to belong and to be accepted at Myers, became a total slave to them. He committed atrocities he didn't want to commit, abandoned his principles and vision for change, because he was deathly scared of ending up alone and unsupported. He could've changed things, he had the aptitude and the attitude, but then he became just another brick in the wall of corporate selfishness. Another pawn for everything wrong with society. That's what Albert means when he says that Vincent wasted his potential. He gave into fear and lost himself. He had not a flight, not a fight, but a 'freeze' reaction to the threat of ostracision - blindly obey the very shady Monsieur M, hoping M would spare him because he licked his boots.

THIS IS MY ORIGINAL ANALYSIS / THEORY. DO NOT DARE TO COPY, REUPLOAD OR REPOST. REBLOGS ARE WELCOME.

[takami-takami]

tw: discussions of mental illness. sort of hurt/comfort. birds do tend to like mirrors. minors dni.

It's grown impossible to parse through. And it has grown.

Like a slithering entanglement of biomechanical wiring, your neurons weave amongst themselves a tale decades in the making. They interlock in knots— tied rather permanently in place, to your scoff of annoyed dissatisfaction. 

It's quite the clever survival strategy, you admit; that the undesirables nestle their feedings, latched so deeply into your natural fibers, so melted and molded under the midday sun that they become entirely, parasitically unremovable. 

Performing surgery would be dangerous, you surmise— not that your warnings, uttered through gritted gates of teeth, could ever discourage Keigo from trying.

"Need someone barking in my fucking ear," you mutter, flicking a stray piece of wood from between your teeth. 

"What you need is to get some damn rest," Keigo argues gently, speaking like a human. He wraps you in a cocoon of comforters using his rather human-looking hands. "Seriously."

"I'm tired of resting," you grumble. "All I do is rest and rot in this fucking bed."

"That's not what I meant." 

A single finger thunks once against your noggin. 

"Here," he clarifies.

You huff a pout.

Your body grips your knees on his mattress, entangled by crisp and clean sheets that you pray your undesirable fibers aren't infecting. A deep hope blossoms and sprouts, bursting forth a desperate wish that you do not spread and infect these rather perfect linen sheets. 

Keigo washes them every night, whether you're home or not.

"You say that like it's easy," you counter, eyes narrowing.

"I say it like it's possible," he corrects; and you wish, arms crossed like an insufferable child, that you had married someone a little less persuasive.

You're aware, at least cognitively, that Keigo is far from clean, himself. You know exactly what he would say should you ask him.

But at least Keigo is the pretty kind.

That familiar feeling begins to encroach your mind, nestling deep amongst your fibers. 

And you begin another sentence, knowing perfectly well you have zero intention of finishing it. Keigo knows you seldom speak of any of it in name, instead opting for half-baked analogies like "barks" or "wood" or "teeth".

Still, you allow your tongue to curl around the parts of the sentence that are easy: filler words, carefully plucked connective phrases apart from undesirables and their attached hosts— narrative words. 

"I wish I could— it, you know?" You wave your hand in a dismissive swirl. "The whole thing. You get it, right?"

Keigo's lips are tight when he enwraps you from behind like a backpack, allowing his dirt to meld into yours. 

You don't see his undesirables, of course. He smells like shampoo and soap. He probably bathed himself the second he got home from work.

"Yeah," Keigo sighs, nestling into your neck. "I know." A kiss stings against your skin. "I'm just waitin' for you to let me in again. Any day now," he teases. 

You huff again, dramatic; but at least this time, it's with a smile.

"I can be patient, dove. I promise," he reminds you, just like he always does. After a pause, he speaks once more.

"Want me to hold you?"

"Please," you beg. What starts as a wail from the pit your chest fizzles when it exits your lips, reduced to something meek. 

You think you're being cryptic, Keigo assesses. He nods to himself outside your field of vision.

You think you're in complete control of your infection, of what Keigo does or does not see. 

It's sweet. He kisses your skin once more, if only to satiate the swell blooming in his chest. 

He'll pretend he doesn't see you until you're comfortable again.

[mosquito-queen]

the first thing she notices after pushing open the door to her apartment is a breeze. and with it, a fresh layer of annoyance is tacked onto the already simmering anger. yelena is going to drive the electricity bill through the roof - why can’t she just use the door? she has a key for christ’s sake. a key!

the thought of the key makes kate grind her teeth, leaves an ache in her chest, makes her confuse anger and hurt. yelena has a fucking key.

kate steps into the apartment, drops her bag and does a scan for the familiar blonde. she still hasn’t decided how she’s going to approach this conversation, still doesn’t know how to make sense of her own emotions and much less yelena’s, doesn’t know the right words to make sense for either of them. maybe she shouldn’t have it.

claws skittering on the hardwood interrupt her thoughts. lucky is beelining from the end of the hall towards kate, and on his heels comes yelena’s voice, strained, “kate bishop, where is the -“

but kate is stepping into the bathroom doorway, holding up a new bag of gauze. she almost forgets to be angry.

because yelena is in the middle of mediocre surgery: she’s standing barefoot on the bath mat, leaning against the sink counter with her shirt off, and pulling a surgical wire through her skin just above her hip. there are bloody handprints on the porcelain, bandage wrappers littering the floor, and she’s got a split eyebrow that would fare better with some of those stitches instead of butterfly bandages. kate’s frown deepens when she spies the bottles: an open whiskey on the closed toilet lid and the other a beer on the sink ledge with condensation forming a sheen of water speckled with blood. the beer is an ice pack and the other is nursed as tylenol. ridiculous woman.

“ah, yes,” yelena motions between the stitching and bag, “can you?”

“hello to you too,” kate mutters, opening the gauze pack.

kate hasn’t seen yelena in nearly a week. well, yelena hasn’t seen her in nearly a week. she’s shown up to the apartment in worse states, but this one is confusing. yelena had been perfectly fine last night. in a dress. no scratches. perfectly fine with jewelry and her hair up and her eyes had been glittering at someone that wasn’t kate. she had been fine last night.

the humiliation and anger rise with bile in the back of kate’s mouth. why is she so incredibly angry? it isn’t like they’re formally dating. she swallows hard and washes her hands quickly in the sink before taking over, shooing away yelena’s hands from the wounds after yelena finishes the last stitch.

kate starts dressing it. she has gotten remarkably better at playing doctor since noticing yelena does a shit job patching herself up - not because she can’t, but because she doesn’t care enough.

but kate is still mad at her.

yelena lounges her weight against the sink, completely gives up control to kate’s hands. trusts her without meaning to, or understanding why, or even being aware of it. she mistakes the reason for the quiet and the way kate still hasn’t made eye contact, “i will clean up.”

kate blurts: “you know, i saw you.” she swipes the antiseptic a little too harshly and yelena flinches, “last night,” she moves to inspect the rest of yelena’s wounds, planning on returning to the cut on her hip after it’s settled a bit longer, “with him.”

“what?” yelena frowns, and kate is roughly tilting her head to fix the poorly applied bandages along her jaw. yelena’s eyes dart, try to find kate’s, but there’s no luck.

instead, kate grinds out: “at the restaurant. i saw you kiss him.”

but yelena is only half listening. she’s too hung up on the way that everything feels wrong in this room, she’s too caught up in the intensity at which kate is refusing to look her in the eyes. she’s unable to understand why it bothers her so much that kate won’t look. why isn’t she looking? kate is always looking at her.

she’s always looking at her in a way that makes yelena’s heart rate pick up, in a way that makes her palms sweaty, in a way that makes it an easy choice to seek out kate’s bed after a mission. she’s done this a million times now, hasn’t she? where she’s come home - home? - in the dead of night, or lazy afternoons, or right before the birds start to sing (kate hates when it’s in the morning), and kate sits her on the sink or the toilet or the edge of the bath and tends her wounds. and she looks at yelena like she’s trying to make a wish.

and it feels like, fuck it feels like… it feels like more than just patching wounds. kate has gotten remarkably better. and that’s how it always goes. except right now. instead, kate’s fingers are tight under her jaw and she isn’t being careful or soft or even looking at her. god, why does it bother her so much?

“kate, look at me.” yelena is pulling her face away from the archer’s grip, leaning off the counter and standing on her own, and kate instinctually takes a step back. she obeys, looks yelena in the eye, looks at her in way that makes yelena’s mouth go dry. and she barely makes out: “why are you angry with me?”

and it’s the wrong thing to say.

and yelena wishes she never asked kate to look at her.

because the fury boring down on her makes yelena’s insides balk. because she never wants to be looked at like that - like she’s committed the most painful atrocity against the one person her mind always drifts towards. she doesn’t have too much time to reflect on why it hurts so much for kate to look at her like that.

because kate is spluttering, throwing her hands up, “of course i am angry! what did you think was going to happen? i saw you kiss him! and i thought -“

it suddenly becomes stupid, too vulnerable, too much. kate trails off, covering her face with her hands, groaning, “oh god.”

but it’s too late: “what? what did you think?”

“yelena. what in the - what? don’t you - aren’t we…?” she trails off, gesturing between the two of them. gesturing to the past months of yelena using kate’s apartment like her own home, of yelena waking up with nightmares until kate invites her into her bed, of yelena keeping the fridge stocked, of kate patching up yelena in the bathroom and being close enough that they share the same breath, of kate braiding yelena’s hair, of them spending until the break of dawn talking and talking and talking…

and yelena could resolve this. she could easily say: it was a job, and the fresh smattering of hurt was the end result, and that kate should see the other guy. or what was left of him.

but instead, yelena is growing cold and turns her back on kate so she can face the mirror and identify the next section of bodily pain to address. now it’s her turn not to look at kate. she feels something clench in her chest, wants to soothe the fear welling inside, a fear she does not want to address, “i do not know what you are insinuating, kate bishop. spit it out.”

it’s cruel and they both know it. they both know yelena is on the brink of running, and maybe that’s why kate is standing in the door frame with her eyes locked on yelena’s reflection in the mirror: “you treat me like you’re in love with me, but you’re out there kissing him.”

love?

yelena white knuckles the counter top, that frenzied panic tearing up through her heart and lungs and clawing its way up her throat. no. she just… no, kate’s just confused. yelena doesn’t… she can’t do that. right? only the version before the red room had capacity for that. she’s not formed any connection with anyone after the red room in the same way she felt so deeply as a child. a weapon cannot…

love?

she grew up in a way that controlled for that, that didn’t make space for that, that never intended for her to have access to human emotions. instead, everything became a transaction. what was love but another word for manipulate? and yet… what else was it when she felt compelled to be close to kate, and to protect her, and to memorize her overly complicated pizza order just in case she had a bad day? oh fuck. why did it hurt so much when kate wouldn’t look at her? why did she want her hands to be the ones to fix her?

love.

she’s focusing on the wrong thing again. because yelena’s idea of love was defined by whatever disney movies she had watched in ohio. it had never crossed her mind of what love actually looked like in the real world. she had no idea where to even go with this conversation that would be remotely helpful. so yelena leans into the only thing she does know and that she is remarkably good at: pushing people away.

so yelena says into the mirror, “n-no. why would you? that’s not anything i wanted you to think.”

a small part of kate wants desperately for yelena to mean she didn’t want kate to think she had been willingly kissing someone else. a small part of her wants to think that yelena is absolutely in love with her but too pigheaded to admit it. but, that part is small and the rest of kate knows that her face is red hot and her hands are clenched, and she wants to break that stupid fucking mirror, “then what do you want? why are you always here? in my bed, in my personal space, in my fucking clothes. why do you always come back here? just stay gone then, just go. we don’t have to play nice just because we’re hawkeye and black widow.”

for a moment, everything inside of yelena stops.

because for some reason, she had never factored into the equation the possibility of kate being the one wanting to leave. and it feels like an explosion. she whips around so she can face kate, sweat beading around her collarbone and hip aching, she’s steadying herself with a hand gripping the counter and bowl of the sink, and the change in position brings her back to the present. the sheer amount of emotion raging through her body is too overwhelming and she shouts, “i do not know what i want!”

how could she know? natasha was the only person that ever asked her and the only thing she got out of that revelation was fanny. and the way it connects back to natasha makes yelena angrier and she smashes the beer bottle on the floor, “i don’t know what i want! but i know it isn’t that,” it comes out broken at the end, with a hiccup, with a heartbreak, and the exertion from the day and the sudden burst of emotions has her sliding down the the sink, butting the back of head into the cabinet doors when she settles at the bottom in the stick of beer and glass, “it sure as fuck is not that.”

and kate is silent in the doorway, waving lucky off from where he’s standing worried at the mouth of the hallway. she turns her attention back to yelena, looking at this girl turned killer-weapon turned human and she knows there is no way the universes could ever make her walk away from yelena. she knows she would tear herself apart to bring yelena back every single time. she thinks she’s known it since the beginning.

kate hadn’t known what was different about yelena when they met the first night on the roof. she hadn't released the arrow because yelena was not actively striking her - not because she had an overwhelming sense to obey. certainly not because the sight of yelena’s face knocked the air out of her lungs.

it was still different when they fought after that. because kate knew she was good, she had plenty medals to prove it, but she wasn’t win-against-a-black-widow-good. yelena held back her punches. but it was just because eleanor was paying yelena. it was just because her mom said not to hurt her. right?

it was different when kate asked to get drinks and yelena said yes. yelena said yes and it made her heart flip, erupted butterflies and her head felt fuzzy. her head always felt fuzzy when yelena was around. but it was better not to think about it.

and then yelena kept coming around. of course with gaps and no contact and so much reactivity. but yelena kept coming around. and she had flowers waiting for kate the first time kate went to visit her mother in prison, and she took lucky on walks until kate stopped being so fucking scared that kingpin would be just around the corner, and she had her own drawer in the dresser and a toothbrush and brought fanny around (who was a much better guard dog than lucky), and yelena was just so fucking sweet.

so excuse kate for thinking yelena belova had feelings for her. excuse her for thinking yelena was fully aware of what messages were being sent, excuse her for thinking.

except kate was still thinking.

yelena can feel kate looking at her. looking at her in a way that seems like judgment will be weighed. yelena knows she’ll never get into heaven. but, kate exhales and is picking her way through the glass, unfazed, jaw set. like a righteous angel. she crouches down to yelena’s eye level, her hands gripping the sides of her bruised up face, and using the pressure to force yelena to look at her.

this time yelena says: “i killed that man.”

there is still a brilliant anger in kate’s eyes, and it cloaks the desire, so yelena is caught off guard when kate presses her mouth into hers. when kate destroys her with the softest kiss. maybe she would never get into heaven, but this was surely a heavenly way to die.

yelena never had any intent to fall in love. with anyone. ever. she certainly had no intent to fall in love with kate bishop. and yet it seems like her heart never got the memo. it’s hammering now in her chest like a freight train. and then kate pulls back for a moment.

“is this what you want?”

oh. a sharp inhale: “yes.”

and then kate kisses her harder.