#like. i aspire to be like this you know? we ought to be this open-hearted and kind and generous in this fandom

[bougainvillea-and-saltwater]

Your writing both in words and in style runs so fluidly, so vividly as if it were poetry in motion. Every time I have the pleasure of reading another chapter of your work, I am truly blessed with a feast for my eyes. It nurtures my soul. Thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for writing such a lovely work and sharing it with us.

gigi's writing specialty! 🌺

ANON PLEASE I'M TEARING UP—

I think these words are some of the most beautiful and generous I've ever received for my writing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so kind to send me this ask and boost my mojo and my good mood! Whoever you are, I know you're a marvelous human being and I love you! 🫂💖

[edenmemes]

asoiaf: a feast for crows starters

❝ i’m sorry that i never trusted you. i don’t know how to do that any more. ❞ ❝ you make it difficult for a man to swallow his anger. ❞ ❝ history is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. what has happened before will perforce happen again. ❞ ❝ the worst isn't done. the worst is just beginning, and there are no happy endings. ❞ ❝ words are like arrows. once loosed, you cannot call them back. ❞ ❝ you are a lioness, and it is for all the lesser beasts to fear you. ❞ ❝ anger is better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. ❞ ❝ kind? how boring that would be. i aspire to be wicked. ❞ ❝ sometimes there is no happy choice, only one less grievous than the others. ❞ ❝ when i make a jest i smile. do you see me smiling? do you hear laughter? ❞ ❝ beauty can sometimes mask deadly danger. ❞ ❝ i know what a burden you bear. you should let me share the load. ❞ ❝ you would be wise to not take me lightly...and wiser still not to make of me a foe. ❞ ❝ i need to sleep, but fear to dream. ❞ ❝ i do not doubt that kindness and mercy and forgiveness can still be found somewhere in this kingdom, but do not look for them here. ❞ ❝ no fight is hopeless till it has been fought. ❞ ❝ open your eyes and look about you. the kingdom is in ruins. ❞ ❝ my hand is hungry for a sword. i need to kill someone. ❞ ❝ it does no good to speak of roads not taken. ❞ ❝ i begin to think that all your words of love were lies. ❞ ❝ i pray that i never offend you. you are terrible when roused. ❞ ❝ a sweet face oft hides a sinner’s heart. ❞ ❝ when i am with you, i...i can scarcely think. you are all i ever dreamt of. ❞ ❝ i used to be someone, but now i’m not. ❞ ❝ suffering is everywhere...and grief and death. ❞ ❝ you ought to be pleading for my forgiveness rather than seeking to provoke me further. ❞ ❝ i have been here the whole time, waiting for you to come to me. ❞ ❝ no one who wears a crown is ever safe. ❞ ❝ i have touched more men that i can count. some with my lips, more with my axe. ❞ ❝ i love you too, but you’re a fool. a beautiful golden fool. ❞ ❝ i have been despised by better men than you. ❞ ❝ i never wanted to see half the things i've seen, and i've never seen half the things i wanted to. ❞ ❝ that man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate. ❞ ❝ sometimes there is no happy choice. only one less grievous than the others. ❞ ❝ most have been forgotten. most deserve to be forgotten. ❞ ❝ heroes will always be remembered. the best. the best and the worst. and a few who were a bit of both. ❞ ❝ we all dream of things we cannot have. ❞ ❝ i do not know who we are, if truth be told, nor where we might be going. i only know the road is dark. ❞ ❝ you lie. worse, you lie poorly. ❞ ❝ do you even know what honor is? ❞ ❝ this is not real. this is another bad dream, and soon i’ll wake. ❞ ❝ the rain feels good against my face. it feels like tears. ❞ ❝ i need you as i have never needed you before. ❞ ❝ there is no shame in being afraid, only in showing your fear. ❞ ❝ it is a good thing that i thrive on chaos. ❞ ❝ the times grow ever more interesting, and when the times are interesting you can never have too many swords. ❞ ❝ curses are only in songs and stories. ❞ ❝ you will forgive me if i am suspicious, but the times are troubled. ❞ ❝ fear cuts deeper than swords. ❞ ❝ be grateful that i have more honor than some. ❞ ❝ you do turn a pretty shade of pink when you blush. ❞ ❝ you would do well to ride with me. the roads are perilous. ❞ ❝ some doors are best left closed. ❞ ❝ it does no good to speak of things no man can change. ❞ ❝ why won’t they leave us be? we never did them any harm. ❞ ❝ i cannot die yet. there is something i still need to do. ❞ ❝ it’s time you told me the rest of your plan, don’t you think? ❞ ❝ every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old. ❞ ❝ words are wind. they cannot hurt you. let them wash over you. ❞ ❝ you are not the only one with wounds. ❞ ❝ when the cold wind blows the lone wolf dies and the pack survives. ❞ ❝ i will teach them what it means to put a lion in a cage. ❞ ❝ better to mock the game than to play and lose. ❞ ❝ knowledge is a weapon. ❞ ❝ you know me. if you want sweet words, look elsewhere. ❞ ❝ you reckless fool. what do you think you’re doing? ❞ ❝ you’ll be safe here. no one will know where you are but me. ❞ ❝ sorcery comes at a cost. ❞ ❝ i have never taken kindly to chastisement, as any number of dead men could tell you. ❞ ❝ so you’re brave as well as beautiful. ❞ ❝ this will cause more trouble than you know, i fear. ❞ ❝ will you throw your life away for pride? ❞ ❝ the crows will feast upon us all if you go on this way. ❞ ❝ our time together is at an end, i fear. ❞ ❝ spare me your japes, i have no taste for them. ❞ ❝ war makes monsters of us all. ❞ ❝ you cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night. ❞ ❝ i have a hole where my heart should be. ❞ ❝ i thank you, but i have no need of your protection. ❞ ❝ trust is earned. like gold. ❞ ❝ a lie is not so bad if it is kindly meant. ❞ ❝ far be it from me to question the word of such an honorable person. ❞ ❝ i will bring the head of any man who would betray you. ❞ ❝ noble words, but words are easy. deeds are hard. ❞ ❝ my father is very good at doing nothing. he calls it thinking. ❞ ❝ if you do not go, i will spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if i had. ❞ ❝ the sea is never weary. i must be as tireless. ❞ ❝ it’s strength that’s needed here, not chivalry. ❞ ❝ i did not come to you for comfort. ❞ ❝ you see the wonders that can be worked with lies and gold? ❞ ❝ an age of wonder and terror will soon be upon us, an age for gods and heroes. ❞ ❝ a ruler gets no rest. ❞ ❝ if you share your plans with no one, no one can betray you. ❞ ❝ i have a confession. ours was no chance encounter. ❞ ❝ you have your mother’s eyes. honest eyes, and innocent. ❞ ❝ am i still a thief if i put it back and no one ever knows? ❞ ❝ i am weak and full of sin, and scorn is more than i deserve. ❞ ❝ when have i provoked any man...unduly? ❞ ❝ i have never met a man i didn’t provoke, you should know that well enough by now. ❞ ❝ that’s a cold suspicious look if i ever saw one. ❞ ❝ you’ve faced more things this past year than most men face in a lifetime. ❞ ❝ there is a difference between fear and caution. ❞ ❝ it is my look they will flinch from, my frown they must fear. ❞ ❝ you have been disappointing me for years. ❞ ❝ why? tell me that. tell me why. ❞ ❝ i am surrounded by enemies and imbeciles. ❞ ❝ go back. turn away. there is nothing here for you. ❞ ❝ you would do well to omit ‘must’ from any speech directed at me. ❞ ❝ a bad dream. did i scream? i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ i will not be afraid. i will not let them see my fear. ❞ ❝ you will never know how sick it makes me to see you. you will never know how much i despise you. ❞ ❝ i have seen terrible things in my time. ❞ ❝ only a fool makes threats he’s not prepared to carry out. ❞ ❝ stay with me. i do not want to sleep alone. ❞ ❝ sometimes it is best to study a game before you attempt to play it. ❞ ❝ why, do what you always do. do nothing. ❞ ❝ no man ever truly knows what he can do unless he dares to leap. ❞ ❝ what you meant does not matter. only what you did. ❞ ❝ is there any more that you would care to tell me? ❞ ❝ i can’t command you to be brave, but i can command you to hide your fears. ❞ ❝ tell me something useful. tell me of our enemy. ❞ ❝ go away. you are not welcome here. ❞ ❝ these are such fearful times. some nights i can hardly sleep, for fear. ❞ ❝ some wounds do not show. ❞ ❝ i have never looked upon you as a rival, even for a moment. ❞ ❝ go home. you have a home, which is more than many can say in these dark days. ❞ ❝ play me for a fool, and you will die screaming. you are aware of that, i trust? ❞ ❝ you must be more dangerous than you look. ❞ ❝ tell me. i want to know all of it, from the beginning to the end. ❞ ❝ i see you are as lovely as the tales. ❞ ❝ your hands are shaking. they would rather be caressing me, i think. ❞ ❝ dry those tears. have you ever seen a lion weep? ❞ ❝ come! come kill me, if you can. ❞ ❝ i never knew what love could be, yet now...i am afraid. ❞ ❝ the enemy of my enemy is my friend. ❞ ❝ young men are overbold, and think only of the glory of battle and never of its dangers. ❞ ❝ you are weary and sick of heart, that’s plain to see. ❞ ❝ some doors are best left closed. ❞ ❝ the world is full of horrors. you can fight them, or laugh at them, or look without seeing. ❞ ❝ i was wondering. are you drunk, or merely stupid? ❞ ❝ does it hurt so much? is there aught i can do to ease your pain? ❞ ❝ what i want is none of your concern. ❞ ❝ this must end, for your sake as well as mine. ❞ ❝ glory is good, but gold is better. ❞ ❝ please tell me who you are, and why you’re following me. ❞ ❝ many a man will drown in those eyes. ❞ ❝ the best lies have some truth in them...to give them flavor, as it were. ❞ ❝ what are you looking for? your destiny? your death? ❞ ❝ love can make a fool of any man. ❞ ❝ may i stay a while? i feel that we should talk. ❞ ❝ is that a beard, or did you forget to wash the dirt off your face? ❞ ❝ i’ll hear the truth, or you’ll wear chains. ❞ ❝ if you love me, do not leave me. ❞ ❝ only madmen fight wars they cannot win. ❞ ❝ you have a strange look in your eyes. are you unwell? ❞ ❝ last night, i had a dreadful dream. ❞ ❝ you have to help me. where am i to go? what will i do? ❞ ❝ i warn you, i am out of patience. ❞

[cattutorialsblogs]

What after CAT?

What inside the international am I alleged to do now?’ I think this question runs like liquid put up the almighty CAT examination. Well, proper information is we’re all within the equal boat. It’s ordinary to panic or enjoy likewise sentiments after the exam. And that is why we shall, collectively, go through a few primary but instantaneous post-CAT steps which includes GDPI, expert mentoring, and many others., for a clearer and calmer experience of direction. Let's start your CAT Preparation with Best Online Coaching for CAT.

START THE GD/PI/WAT PREPARATION ENGINE: 

The very concrete belief is that if someone scores a wonderful percentile of ninety nine and above, now not even gods can halt your bus from coming into the top B-faculties. But there are constantly loop holes (in this example, the interview/WAT rounds) that wishes to be looked after and this is wherein you ought to think two times. In reality, one may additionally even argue that getting ready for the GD/WAT/PI spherical needs vehement dedication and twice the effort than the actual CAT exam practise. So, that being said, begin the GD/PI/WAT practise engine because ‘time is of the essence’ has by no means sat truer for CAT candidates. Walk proud which you excellently cleared the CAT exam, please do, but to steer clear of being a fool’s gold, a stable marriage between ‘you’ and ‘full-on smooth skill instruction’ ought to manifest. You know what they are saying: today’s tough work determines tomorrow’s victory.

RIGHT MENTOR TO SHARPEN YOUR SOFT SKILLS:

Ever heard approximately legends making it to the top on their own? If you think that befell, you're in need of a deeper dig. Even mythical bands like “The Beatles” had their private mentor and Guru, Guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to guide and preserve their hands in the course of their iconic journey. The significance of finding the right mentor to sharpen your gentle abilities as a part of your submit CAT instruction is as crucial as preventing the ice caps from melting because of international warming. You can usually have a nice conversation along with your mirrored image within the reflect, however when the stakes are really excessive, i.E. Your complete profession, expert useful resource must no longer and cannot be optional. Seek guidance, be it an institute, be it a friend, uncle, father, mother, brother, sister, doesn’t count, if they're inside the ground of the professionalism you searching for, you need to attain out and get the additional professional push which you need, to ace the WAT/GD/PI spherical. Or looking for a CAT Coaching, Join CAT Exam Online Coaching.

STAY IMMUNE FROM BIASED CHOICES:

You’re not incorrect for eyeing the shiniest apple at the tree. Hey, we all want the great in existence, and it’s absolutely pleasant to have such emotions run underneath our skin. Now, what isn’t attractive is having your self wedded to 1 corner, sitting proof against a change of coronary heart or mind because of your preliminary mind and genesis plans, in any case, a wholesome trade of thoughts is but a sign of growth. The absolute perk of getting a incredible percentile score is getting calls from pinnacle b-faculties just like the IIMs, IIFT, XLRI, and extra. Yes, there’s always that one faculty which remains the attention candy, but are you naive enough to restrict your possibilities to just one? There’s no harm in going for exceptional institutes’ interview. As a depend of fact, you’re handiest sprucing your highbrow blade. Keep wishing, on your knees praying, to get into your dream school however leave the elective gates open simply sufficient in your plan-B to fall via, heaven forbid, must plan-A fall apart.

Roots are the key to any mountainous achievement. Having your fundamentals solid and knowing it just like the returned of your hand will mold the rest of the brand new adventures that awaits you. These factors/suggestions are a starter % for MBA aspirants who have already given their CAT examination and are awaiting the subsequent season to air. Because boundaries are part of being human, don't forget to preserve your imperfections and weaknesses countable but now not towards, so you examine to show them into your strengths.

Also Read :

CAT Quantitative Aptitude: Preparation Tips, Practice, Strategy!

Last Minute Tips for CAT 2023 Exam

[musicarenagh]

Midwave Breaks' "Stonewall": A Nostalgic and Refreshing Anthem Strike up the band, friends, grab your air guitars and prepare to chant in wide open fields or stuffy school halls, because Midwave Breaks' new single 'Stonewall' is here and it's a rousing treat. Not only does this New Zealand duo offer a solidly upbeat classic rock anthem, but also an all-round instant crowd-pleaser - an almost forgotten '90s flair brought to life with the bang of a drum. https://open.spotify.com/track/3nSXpnwgAdgNMLtulg7DFE 'Stonewall' feels as though it could impel even the most rhythmically inhibited among us into moving our bodies. Invoking memories of headlining festival performances and smoky clubs—the lead singer-songwriter-guitarist Bruce Conlon commands your attention like a purposeful pied piper. His warm, resonant male vocals lend themselves beautiful to a sing-along chorus so catchy; it may end up living free-rent in your cerebellum long after you've unpacked your festival gear. The real heart-racing home-hitter though is Drummer Paul Russell. He drives this anthemic banger forward at near breakneck speed—and if his recount of "Stonewall"'s unconventional origin won't have you rolling down memory lane, I don't know what will! This infectious tune was serendipitously birthed from simple domestic duty—a reluctant one translated swiftly into cleverly quippy lyrics. [caption id="attachment_52513" align="alignnone" width="1152"] Midwave Breaks' "Stonewall": A Nostalgic and Refreshing Anthem[/caption] That's where the true strength of this indie pairing shines—his deft rhythmic percussive touch coupled with Conlon's lyrical balladry showcasing complexities within simplicities are why Midwave Breaks ought to be on everyone's playlist. It's no stretch to say that if John Bonham jammed with Billy Joel in Bob Dylan’s basement, 'Stonewall' might well be the wildly successful offspring! In short, folks—interrupting pop-up pool maintenance and transforming them into rock-'n'-roll diamonds isn’t your everyday musical aspiration, but in Midwave Breaks' case—it's no doubt a task they've nailed to the 'T'. Time may tell if we could hear more like this from this Kiwi twosome. Meanwhile, pop on those headphones or crank up your car stereos—and treat yourself to a ride along this crafted wave of feel-good nostalgia with 'Stonewall.' Follow the duo on Website, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Songkick and TikTok. Supported by Musosoup #SustainableCurator

[alkaidpedia]

SR+ A Way Back: Part 1 Thesis Paper

Key: 🦌: Lu Chen/Alkaid 🖌️: MC 🎒: High School student

🖌️: Next, I will bring everyone to tour around the astronomy department. I cleared my throat and spoke as loudly and clearly as possible. 🖌️: Please follow me— The new students stood up from their seats and I can’t believe I am standing in the same position as Senior Fen Mao* who had said the same thing to me when I was a new student. Still the school day is not here and this is only a reminder of end of vacation and “School open day” and to draw out and select high school students who are going to sit exams and are interested to come for a tour. Although year after year we ridicule “Why do we need to still shoot a promotional video every year even though we will not be using it.“… But to see those anticipated eyes— Truly says there is no intention of pride and vanity, also its fake.

=next scene=

🎒: MC, do you know about radio wave telescope project between St Shelters and other research institutions? 🖌️: I do. There were many people who were the kind to ask many questions and some of the questions I happened absolutely know the answer to. 🎒: Ah, don’t tell me MC is also — 🖌️: Oh, Its not me. Its just I happened to have a friend who knows a lot. 🖌️: I have a friend who especially like stars. 🖌️: From young she wanted to find life in the stars, later she didn’t let these dreams end only as mere interest and was really outstanding in a physic competition… 🖌️: Hmm… Later, if you come to the St Shelters, you should also be introduced to that senior and her course mates. I think of Wang Xing Xing’s sudden showcase of a shy and astute smile, I can’t help smiling. 🖌️: Regardless what major you are in, its in fact interest is the biggest source of motivation. 🖌️: What major is convenient to find work, what major is “Boys and girls can and should study”, what major should I not sit the exam for… 🖌️: … All are not ”Number one priority” you must take in consideration. While I lead the way, I continue to answer questions, the more I speak the easier it got. 🖌️: In St. Shelters, we hope every subject may ought to be your primary one, and be able to become what you originally aspired to be.

=The day before=

🖌️: So difficult, its too hard… Only a day ago, I was still worrying about “How to be a host on open day” I leaned on the sofa like a deflated ball, attempting to memorise the school’s distinguishing qualities and well-known schoolmates by heart, and I’m also worried of myself and the uninteresting tedious burden on my back. I was unwittingly hit that the night is already gradually getting darker. 🦌: What made you stumped? When Lu Chen came out to get water, our eyes met, ashamed I waved back. 🖌️: Just now you also heard and saw nothing… actually its not hard, you don’t need to worry about me. Lu Chen placed a glass of water in front of me, willingly accepted my view, he brought another glass of water directly back to his room. The display light hits his golden hair, making him to be covered in a gentle light He didn’t even looked back at me, and me still maintaining to not disturb work mode. I’m preparing my speech for the school open day and Lu Chen is working on his final edit of graduation thesis paper. For the difficulty factor said, his work is greater than mine and at first my intentions was to accompany him. However I did not think that I would instead be the one to wail like ghosts and howl like wolves*, I lowered my voice scared to disturb him and Lu Chen according to plan carried on in a steady pace. But for a moment, I still can’t help to quietly walk behind Lu Chen 🖌️: Lu Chen… Have your thesis been settled yet? 🦌: Hmm.. Let me see, maybe I need your help. 🖌️: What can I help with? I hugged him from behind. On his computer screen, the cursor flickered indefinitely at the end of a just finished sentence. Lu Chen scrolled for a little while and shared his reference page… 🖌️: Your thesis acknowledgment…. 🦌: Mmm, I wanted to ask you, can I… include you in my thesis? The butterflies in my stomach couldn’t stop fluttering. 🖌️: Wait, after your thesis is published, my name will be recorded on your paper forever. Our names, will be together forever in a form that I never thought of. Lu Chen nodded his head, his gaze full of expectation in a much deeper level. 🦌: Are you willing to do it?

Translation Notes Senior Fen Mao Chen Zi Han's nickname

Wail like ghosts and howl like wolves An idiom which mean to scream and whine freely

[oldbookist]

thou shalt find the winter’s rage freeze thy blood less coldly

On Christmas Day, Marius returned late from his daily wanderings to find a package on his bed.

There was no question of who it was for, as his name was on it, but there was no hint as to the sender. Slightly perturbed, Marius opened it. Inside was a thick scarf of blue wool, finely made and soft. This confused him even more. It was not hard to guess how the giver had gotten in, since he left his key in the door, but who would go out of their way to give him something? There were only a few people who knew where he lived. It was certainly not his grandfather, he could not imagine that it was Ma’am Bougon, and M. Mabeuf had never visited his home. And such a gift would not have been too cheap. Could it have been Her? His heart leapt at the thought, but it was impossible; she did not know his name, much less where he lived.

There was, however, one other person he could think of.

Marius put on his hat again, put the scarf under his arm, and left his apartment again. The December wind bit bitterly at his face, and his worn coat offered little protection. It was only becoming more worn as the months got colder, Marius thought ruefully, since the absence of a fireplace in his apartment made it necessary for him to wear it almost constantly. The scarf was nice. Still, he turned onto the rue Saint-Jacques.

As he expected, he saw Courfeyrac coming down the street from the hotel, and ran to meet him.

“Did you break into my room to give me this?” Marius asked.

Courfeyrac bowed. “Good day to you too, Baron Pontmercy. And I did not break into your room. You left your door unlocked.”

Of course.

“It is very generous of you, Courfeyrac, but—”

Courfeyrac held up his hand. “I won’t hear a word. My dear, I know you hate to accept anything from me, but it’s winter, your coat is wearing thin, you don’t even have a fire; it is frightful. I cannot bear to think of you catching your death in that dreadful place. Please just accept it, as a personal favor to me.”

“But I did not get you anything, and I owe you a great deal already,” Marius said peevishly. “You don’t owe a thing to me.”

Courfeyrac crossed his arms and suddenly looked serious. “Marius, has it ever occurred to you that I might actually like you?”

Marius blinked.

“I mean it. That there is more between friends than—than just debts and owing?” He took Marius’s arm and gestured with his cane. “I know all about your principles and your honor. But a friendship is not precisely calculated with debts and payments like a bank loan. Do not aspire to rid yourself of debts, you will rid yourself of brotherhood also—I myself have owed some sum of money to Bahorel for years, and for that reason he dines with me every day,” he laughed. “And since he dines with me every day we are good friends, and for that I have gone to the trouble of bailing him out of the police station once or twice.”

“Ought we to calculate exactly what is owed and avoid running up a debt of favors? Or is it better just to be good to each other as well as we can? I myself think the balance will work itself out. You have not studied your Desmoulins, young man. Fraternité means that we are all obliged to our fellow man. It is no shame to rely on the goodwill of others so long as we offer goodwill to others in our turn. That is what we all owe to the common brotherhood of man—it is the nature of the Republic, you know. And you have been a fine friend to me. I don’t help you because I expect anything else in return,” Courfeyrac said. “In other words,” he said, taking his hand, “your friendship is enough. You owe me nothing more.”

Marius pondered this idea in silence. It did not seem quite possible.

“And,” Courfeyrac added, as though reading his mind, “I am sorry if you have ever been taught otherwise.”

“It’s just that you have given me so much,” Marius said quietly. “And you ask for so little. And…I have so little to give you.”

“Your friendship is enough,” Courfeyrac repeated kindly.

Marius hesitated, then wrapped the scarf around his neck. He stared at the ground. “You are always so good to me,” he said. “Thank you. Truly. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

Courfeyrac clapped him on the back. “Marius,” he said bracingly, “it’s only a scarf.”

Marius shook his head and began to turn away. “Merry Christmas,” Courfeyrac said, waving. “I suppose I’ll see you around?”

“Merry Christmas,” Marius responded vaguely. He took several steps in the opposite direction before stopping suddenly. He walked back up to Courfeyrac, who looked at him inquisitively. He embraced him.

Courfeyrac was caught off guard, but wrapped his arms around him warmly. “This is a welcome gift,” he laughed. “You never fail to surprise me.”

“Thank you,” Marius murmured. “For everything. I will make it all up to you. Someday.”

Courfeyrac sighed and patted his hair. “I’m sure you will. In the meantime, will you consent to having dinner with me?”

Marius released him. “I will.”

“And you can tell me about this girl you’ve been pining over for months,” Courfeyrac said, grinning.

Marius blushed and said nothing.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Music For The Soul

by Alexander MacLaren

Transformation Through Prayer

As He was praying, the fashion of His countenance was altered, and His raiment became white and dazzling. - Luke 9:29

And if we have communion with God as deep and real as Jesus Christ had, the fashion of our countenances will be altered too. I do not mean, of course, that any physical change will occur, though I wonder if there are any of us that cannot remember some one who, at some time or other of deep emotion, and of high communion with God, showed a face shining like Stephen’s when the heavens were opened _: or like Moses when he came down from the mount! I wonder if there are any of us that have not in our hearts the remembrances of, perhaps, very homely features of some poor old man or woman, glorified and transfigured by the love of Christ and faith in God! Ah! that miracle is being done all around us every day. And there are people of whom it is true that "A beauty born of" more than "murmuring sound" has passed into their faces, just as there are, on the other hand, men and women who bear written on their foreheads that they belong to the devil, and have the marks of their evil passions, their bad tempers, their lusts, their cunning, stamped on their faces so that nobody can mistake them. We are all physiognomists, and we generally make a pretty correct estimate of a man’s character by looking at him.

If we are holding on by God, and if our days are passed in any real sense in communion with Him, whether upon the mountain-top as Christ and the three were, or down in the valley trying to cure demoniacs, as was much more permanently the disciples’ place and duty; if we are, in any real sense, in touch with God, we cannot but be made fair, noble, refined, manifestly purified, and having an indwelling and out-saying light in and from us. If there is nothing of the sort in our appearance, it is because there is very little of the sort resident within us. For communion with God always tells upon a life, and lifts a man above cares, and enables him to put his heel upon his faults, and to master his devilries; and refines him by the presence of elevated and heaven-directed thoughts and aspirations. Does your religion do anything of that sort for you, brother? If it does not, you had better see whether it is real or not.

Of all the things that are given, in God’s great mercy, to Christian people, to change their characters and natures for the better, the most powerful is the transforming power of communion with God. It is to that, if you come to look into it, that the New Testament entrusts the almost whole assimilation of men’s characters to the image of Christ. Of course, I know that the Divine Spirit comes to sanctify and to cleanse, but here is the law of our being transformed: " We all, with unveiled face, reflecting, as a mirror does, the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image." Look at Him and you will be like Him. You can tell by the flush that comes over a man’s face whether he has it turned full to the sunlight or not. And we ought to be able to tell by the very cut of a man, certainly by the cast of his life and character, whether he knows what it is to go up to the mountain-top, and within the cloud, to walk in the fire, and catch its radiance and its warmth.

[wxldchxld]

Familiar Profile: Angrboda

This is part of a series I’m doing on my witches and their familiars, starting with Beck, in hopes to update my pages and enrich the backstory of other characters. We will, of course, be starting with Beck and her familiars.

This will be going under my essential hcs page once I have everything properly linked, so I ask you give it a read even if you already know Beck and her familiars.

Species: Feline Breed: Maine Coon (Magically altered) Height: 2″3′ at the withers Weight: Aprox 60 lbs Fur color: Pitch black Eye color: vibrant green Age: Verse dependent. Generally her technical age is only about five years old in modern verses. However, she is a piece of Beck, and mentally has not only her own lived experiences, but Beck’s entire lived experience as well. So in reality, her mental age is however old Beck is. Temperament: Critical, hot-tempered, distrusting, conniving, curious, protective, observant. Talents: Reading, potion making, and minor spell craft.

Beck “found” Angrboda as a kitten. Named Barbie at the time, she was the prized and pampered pet of the unfortunate millionaire whose house Beck happened to be robbing. She hadn’t exactly intended to steal someone’s cat, that’s a bit low even for Beck’s taste, but the little kitten followed her out of the house three separate times. The final time she saw her curled up on the dashboard, patiently waiting for her to start the car, Beck figured it was meant to be.

Even still, her intentions weren’t to make her a familiar. She had Habrok, and the memory of Dawnbreaker still haunting the dark corners of her mind warned her against letting anything too close to her. The transformation happened unconsciously at first, but the closer they got, the less either of them were inclined to stop it. 

Boda was always a strange familiar. Unlike Habrok who was quiet and stand-offish, Angrboda was unabashedly demanding and often violent. She grew like a wildfire, faster and larger than any creature ought to, but magic could have bizarre effects on individuals. It didn’t matter how big she grew, or how much of a terror she became to others, in Beck’s eyes she was still that big-eyed, wobbly kitten trotting at her heel. 

In reality, familiars often latch on to certain aspects of a witch, things they value or aspire to, but sometimes, things they’ve tried to bury. As her transformation occurred, Angrboda lived every moment of cruelty, every memory of betrayal and violence. She saw every fearful look, every sneer, every dismissive glace. She heard the muffled cries of an injured child, cradling her injured hand and felt her gnawing hunger. And she watched as humans and witches alike turned their heads and did nothing to stop it. 

And she hated them.

All the rage her witch had been forced to crush, all the pain she’d been made to ignore, she felt its full force, and she fed off of it, growing bigger and meaner each day. Unlike Habrok, who chose to avoid humans out of an inherit wildness and distrust, Angrboda loathed them from the moment her eyes were opened. 

For the most part, this hasn’t changed. Angrboda is aggressive and snobbish. When Beck’s softer side threatens to make her do something risky, it’s Boda who reels her in. Where Beck might open her heart quickly, Angrboda is always there laying at the entrance, a looming threat to anyone thinking of stabbing her in the back. And Beck is blind to all of this. She can’t honestly see Angrboda’s anger for what it is without addressing it for what it is: a response to years of her own senseless trauma at the hands of cruel or indifferent people.

Boda does calm down as Beck finds her place with certain people, but its slow work, that will usually involve several claw marks and a lot of biting. 

Beck keeps a golden chain with an amethyst crystal pendant around Angrboda’s neck. The crystal is charged with a spell that keeps people from paying too-much attention to Boda or noticing her at all. Of course, if you’re getting attacked by her or having a direct conversation with Beck, the spell is weakened or nullified entirely. It simply enables her to take Angrboda with her wherever she goes without drawing too much attention because of her abnormal size.

**Note** Certain verses may have Angrboda coming into existence through other means, currently the only two that come to mind are my verses within the 100: The Diligence verse and the Eden (aka post s4 verse). But regardless of origin, Boda’s personality, size, and abilities, remain largely unchanged.

[nightswithkookmin]

Goldy I never thought I would reach out to any Jikook blog but after your last post I have to. I am an east asian american and trans. I have never spoken on this issue, commented or posted about this. I am a Jikook supporter but sometimes Jikook supporting blogs don't feel like the friendliest place. I want to thank you for changing my opinion on that. It is an insult to BTS to say Jikook don't know they seem gay or that they don't know what gay looks like. It is an insult to fans like me to say it would be OK to do the things they do if they were cisgendered straight men. I personally saw a few people say or dance around this and they got intimidated by big blogs for it. I would never name names because I beleive in free speech and the right of people to express themselves, as long as it isn't hate speech. Supporting lgbt people and making sure they don't feel endangered is MORE IMPORTANT THAN STANNING A KPOP BAND and I say this as a 4 year long bts and Jikook stan. So many people don't want to touch this issue and I understand why.

But thank you for supporting ACTUAL lgbt people as well as bts and showing stubborn people that BTS mean gay rights when they say gay rights.

I don't know why but this Ask made me cry...

I've been reading it over and over for the past two days and each time I feel humbled by it. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.

I think the era of the obsessed 'kids' and '13 year old shippers' in this space is coming to an end. I think it's time for a more nuanced mature conversation on what it means to ship and stan our faves in today's sociopolitical climate.

Let's intellectualize shipping and use it as a vehicle for social change not just pleasure. Sabotaging political hashtags is a start. Trending and donating to BLM is equally important. Fighting for gay rights and recognition is the next step and a natural progression from here- and about damn time!

Gone are the days where celebrities and idols were immune to accountability and personal responsibility. We live in a world where everyone is required to be converstant in and sensitive to social issues. Awareness is woven into our collective consciousness and for some of us we cannot divorce that from our pleasure receptors.

Hate to quote my pastor but, 'As a kid, I spoke, thought and reasoned like a kid. As I grew up, chilee darling, I put my ghetto ways aside. You feel me?' Lol. Yea, my pastor hood like that. Lol.

The fact of the matter is, BTS has a higher mature demographics now. Majority of us grew with them, if not past them. They are not seventeen anymore, Jin is almost thirty, the youngest in the group is past twenty three and majority of their fanbase are breaching Young Adult well into Adulthood and beyond.

We simply cannot view them with the same lens anymore. If we did, we would be infantilizing them if not enabling them.

We ought to be able to have certain conversations that reflect our age, hearts, backgrounds, experience, values and beliefs.

We can't sit behind our television sets and smart phone screens in this day and age and assume BTS sat through a performance like this and did not for a second think about what it meant, why the crowd cheered at certain moments or even understand the impact, message and intent behind it- especially not when Halsey, an openly bisexual woman and advocate for LGBTG rights is an acquaintance of thiers.

I don't know how a fraction of this fandom can assume BTS would have a collaboration of this nature and not know anything about the gay rights discourse or what queer baiting is or not consider how their actions may or may not be contributing to the marginalization of persons as these- to not have agency and personal responsibility or empathy.

JK cannot stan a gay artist such as Troye Sivan and divorce his music from his sexuality because it flows from it. Not when Troye has openly spoken about the struggles he went through as a closeted gay man, coming out and how that affected his mental health.

JK knows what gay is, he is aware of the struggles queer people face on a daily. His decision to cover, license and recommend songs by this artist is a deliberate act coming from a place of being informed on the matter.

Jimin knows. RM knows. Suga knows.

BTS cannot prepare a speech like this while oblivious to the plight of the LGBTQ plus community. I refuse to believe that simply because it's not true. Anyone who says otherwise is a scammer. Lol.

And I think they are intelligent enough to have cognisance of the fact majority of the world view certain aspects of their home culture as problematic and non-progressive and that this same world is watching them and what they do in this space matters.

They are part of the conversation. And it's in their interest to present themselves as queer a queer friendly band and company by distinctifying themselves from these 'traditional' Kpop bands.

I believe they know that being woke gives them a competitive advantage as MCs and advocates for the youth in today's world.

I believe they are aware certain things in their 'fan service culture' doesn't fly in the space they compete in and want to compete in. They are competing and rubbing shoulders with top LGBTQ plus advocates, sharing seats with them at awards, standing next to them- they best to look sharp.

It's obtuse for anyone to fall on the 'culture' rhetoric to excuse certain behaviors of their idols when actual queer people from and within that same culture fight against it.

Most S. koreans I know and have come across complain about their 'culture' and some even harbor strong resentments against this whole fanservice culture.

Holland, an openly gay Idol from South Korea, has equally spoken out against the 'fan service' culture prevalent within Kpop on several occasions and laments how it depoliticizes queerness and affects actual queer people within S.K.

And isn't it funny that the same conservative Christian population who strongly oppose homosexuality in S.K often lead online campaigns against Jikook for 'promoting homosexuality' because of certain fanservice and skinship they do?

If skinship is normal and fanservice is culture, why does conservative S.K keep pushing back against it? It's their culture uno?! Lmho.

Queer south Koreans and conservative Christians hate fanservice culture and yet here we are using their culture to defend it as if it's all black and white. Lmho.

Did they or did they not see South Korean's reactions to this performance by Jikook? The mixed feelings most had about it?

Men can nibble on men's ear but God forbid they toss them in the air and catch em💀

South Koreans are not a monolith. Their culture is nuanced like any culture. It's not static and not clear cut black and white either.

It's one thing to respect other's culture, it's another to perpetuate it in ignorance. Perpetuating their culture and being religious about it does not allow for the dynamism inherent in their culture.

Troye Sivan talked about how he'd stop in the middle of his concerts and performances upon seeing the hyper fangirls in the front row and then think to himself, 'I know they know I'm gay, so why are they still here...'

And this was before he came out.

Jikook know we know they are queer or that we think of them as queer. When Jimin talks about 'those that love me for me' he knows exactly what he is talking about or rather who he is talking to- it's not these hets I'm afraid.

Troye also talked about being privileged because he lived in a rather queer friendly neighborhood where everyone is gay and so he'd always felt safe coming out.

Isn't that what JK is doing?

Now this is a person who's without a doubt had a lot of influence on JK in his early formative years as an Idol right down to his decision to move into a much queer friendly neighborhood of Itaewon.

They know we know. Jikook is gay.

Thankfully, there are reports of a rising number of LGBTQ plus in South Korea, a lot of allies, a lot of queer folks coming out and a lot of companies opening up to working with gay idols and aspiring idols.

It's such a relief but a lot of work still needs to be done and I stand with them on behalf of Jikook and any queer folk in SK.

My sister is helping me reach out to an LGBTQ plus advocate from Seoul for an interview for my blog. If everything goes well, I'd love for her to share her thoughts on queer passing, queer baiting and fan service within Kpop and how that affects LGBTQ youth in South K.

It's a conversation I'm really passionate about and interested in.

I love me some ships, but I also love me some queer advocacy and human rights uno? Lol.

Thing is, I may quit BTS one day, but I can never quit being me. Being human. Always put the human first is my motto.

Oh and I hear people are plotting to cancel me? Chilee. Y'all do that but:

Let it echo.

Signed,

GOLDY

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Gavin’s S2 R&S - Tempering (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from an R&S (淬炼) which has not been released in English servers!🍒

This R&S features S2 Gavin!

[ Chapter One ]

Eight-year old Tang Chao wrote in his homework: My aspiration is to be free and easy, and get to sleep after a full meal. 

The teacher failed him.

Eighteen-year old Tang Chao wasn’t able to be free and easy, nor get sleep after a full meal. This is because he was recommended for admission into the police academy.

Everyone knows that he’s a “specially enrolled student”. When he entered the academy, he didn’t even have to go through the “Demon Test”. He wasn’t treated harshly by the officers during training. The first semester consisted of some foundational stamina training and a few superficial criminal investigation classes. In the first month, Tang Chao barely passed in every course. Yet, he remains unusually carefree.

Tang Chao’s roommate feels indignant. “It’s only because your Evol is special. Otherwise, you’d have been expelled from the academy a long time ago with such grades.”

“That’s right, my Evol is special.” Tang Chao arches his brows. “If the academy were to expel me, they’ll experience a great loss.”

Detecting lies is essentially an Evol meant for criminal investigation. And it’s precisely because of this ability that he was recommended for admission into this first-rate police academy despite his average physique. 

“Hmph. Anyway, you only have a few more days of being carefree.” His roommate flips over on the iron bed, sticking out half his head from above. “I heard from the instructors that the first month after entering the academy merely counts as a warm up. Actual training will only begin next week. The higher-ups even sent a third year student to supervise us. Guess who our class got?”

“Who?”

His roommate pauses with each syllable. “Gav. In!”

“Who’s Gavin?”

His roommate almost falls down from the bed. “You don’t even know who Gavin is?”

“Why do I have to know him...” Tang Chao mutters. “Is this person very famous?”

“Famous! He’s so famous! He’s celebrated!”

The famous Senior Gavin had passed, with record-breaking marks, the admission exam, physical capabilities, shooting, Close Quarters Combat, simulated sand tables... His marks for various segments have never fallen below the top three places. In his second year, he was already heading out on missions with full-time Evol agents. Even before graduating, he was so popular that police departments from various districts were already falling over each other in their eagerness to snatch him up.

“...but I heard that mission was pretty tragic. It seems a comrade from the same squadron as him lost his life... Hey, are you listening to me?”

“I’m listening, I’m listening.” Despite Tang Chao’s perfunctory words, he has to admit that this Senior Gavin is indeed more of a special police officer than he is.

Or rather, Evol special police officers ought to be like Gavin. 

“I should caution you. Apparently, he’s exceptionally haughty, and you might as well be a grain of sand in his eyes.” His roommate pats the edge of the bed. “You should be a little more serious next week.”

Tang Chao laughs. “What can he do to me? I’m someone with a special privilege.”

His roommate clicks his tongue, not advising him further. “Seeing that you have such virtuous conduct, you can ask for help after meeting him.

-

[ Chapter Two ]

After assembling in the field on Monday morning, Tang Chao realises that a young man in his twenties is standing next to their class leader. The other party looks fierce, his back even straighter than the Chinese fir trees along the field. At a glance, it’s evident that there’s a world of difference between him and this batch of newly enrolled students.

“This is Student Gavin from the Seventh Squadron. This semester, he will be a provisional supervisor and instructor. In the training from now onwards, I want all of you to be more spirited and driven, and prohibited from embarrassing our class.” The class leader exclaims. “Do you hear me!”

“Yes!”

Amid the uniform responses from the formation, Gavin’s line of sight sweeps across this batch of new students. Everyone holds their breaths and keep silent, thinking that this senior would be giving them a lecture. In the end, the other party simply nods. “In that case, we’ll officially begin. As a warm up, run 10km.”

How many kilometres?

Everyone looks at each other, thinking they must have misheard.

Tang Chao raises his hand. “Reporting to the instructor - We typically run 5km in the mornings...”

Gavin turns a deaf ear to him. “Turn to the right, get ready --- Run.”

[Note] I recorded the audio for his command because why not

At this point, everyone realises that Gavin is truly like what the rumours said, and is not to be trifled with. All they can do is gulp in resentment, running in formation. Tang Chao deliberately lags at the very end, then walks towards Gavin, giving him a salute. “Reporting to the instructor.”

Gavin looks at him.

“I can’t run 10km.” Tang Chao is straightforward. “I have a special situation. The class leader and the others know about it. If I were to run 10km, I’ll really die...”

“Since you’re enrolled in the police academy, there’s no special situation.” Gavin responds. “As for whether or not you’ll die, we’ll talk about that after you’ve finished running.”

“...”

In the end, Tang Chao finishes running. Or rather, he finishes crawling.

The other students in class have already finished running and have headed off for breakfast. He’s the only one who resembles a ghost, drifting on the field. Occasionally, some classmates would pass by. He usually laughs and jokes around while they’re still running, so seeing him - who entered through the back door - finishing last leaves them gloating a little.

Gavin, on the other hand, doesn’t gloat. When Tang Chao staggers to the end point, he speaks with a blank expression. “You’re late by 20 minutes. Have your breakfast. The class will assemble after 20 minutes, and we’ll start with the next training. 

Initially, Tang Chao was already too tired to speak. After hearing this command, he can’t help but do so. “Brother... ah no, Instructor Gavin, even if you’re just showing your authority at the first encounter, it should be enough.”

Gavin furrows his brows.

“Just look at how cooperative I’ve been. Seeing how I've ended up, the others in class will definitely listen and obey you unquestioningly.” Tang Chao cracks his knuckles. “But my physical constitution is really like this. It isn’t my choice to rank at the bottom of the class. Could you just close an eye and let me off?”

Gavin looks at his unwillingness to change, and speaks plainly. “Since you’re so unwilling to undergo training, what are you doing here.”

Tang Chao shrugs. “There’s not much reason. Someone needs me to be here, undergo some simple training, go through the motions, then graduate as a matter of course, then help crack some cases and make a living.”

“What I'm asking is - why are you staying here.” Gavin’s voice turns stern. “If someone didn’t need it, you wouldn't be here? When you were running, I asked your class leader for the training results from your first month. Most of your marks hovered around the passing grade, and you had to re-take a few tests.”

Tang Chao releases an “mm” sound -- even though it’s very embarrassing to be told this in such a straightforward manner, the results are black and white, so he doesn’t hope to get anything higher.

Gavin continues. “From the numbers of your make-up examinations, you actually have quite a lot of potential.”

Tang Chao is left dumbfounded.

“Since you have potential, don’t waste it.” After Gavin finishes speaking, he leaves.

-

[ Chapter Three ]

Gavin’s demon-like training continues. On the second day, he adds weight training and 200 push-ups to the training regimen. At this point, it’s not just Tang Chao who can’t handle it - the other new students in the class can’t endure it midway through. On the third day, he adds an obstacle course and forty minutes of wrestling on top of the basic training.

“I think I understand now. Senior Gavin doesn’t want me to die. He wants everyone to die.” Tang Chao feebly concludes during wrestling training.

Finally, a week goes by. A simulation tactics manoeuvre is added to the training. This is a rare course in which Tang Chao can attain high marks. With an Evol which allows him to detect lies, he’s especially skilled in courses related to psychological warfare. He looks at the holographic sand table before him. Filled with inexplicable courage, he suddenly raises his hand. “Report.”

“What is it?” Gavin’s voice drifts over from the front.

"I wish to challenge Gavin to a round.” Tang Chao raises his voice.

At this moment, soft discussions fill the surroundings. Gavin arches his brows. Amid the discussions, he walks to the other side of the holographic sand table, not engaging in superfluous words. “Which one do you want to start?”

“Rescuing hostages in a factory. I’ll storm the fortification.”

“No problem.”

Tang Chao’s palms begin to sweat slightly, but he maintains the provocative smile on the corners of his lips. “Instructor, if I win, could I be exempted from the remaining training for today?”

Gavin pulls open the map. “We’ll talk about that after you’ve won.”

The holographic sand table simulation is an entirely new course introduced to students in recent years. The maps in the sand table, the personnel’s Evol abilities, the weather and weapons are entirely constructed by the system. Because this is meant to train a students’ adaptive and judgment skills, there’s no such thing as a party gaining an advantage over another through undergoing a similar experience.

Not even after ten minutes after the round begins, Tang Chao’s moves have already garnered him sixty more points than Gavin.

In the lead over Gavin for the first time, his heart finally feels slightly pleased. He can’t help but lift his eyes to cast Gavin a glance. However, the other party doesn’t look frantic at all. Gavin’s line of sight is focused on the sand table in front of him, fingers continuously moving and tapping. The originally three-way defense team is quickly split into nine teams, intercepting and attacking Tang Chao from all directions.

At this moment, students observing from the side burst into an uproar. Having to command nine groups at the same time - is he human?!

Tang Chao is also very shocked. But in the next second, he loses his ability to be shocked. The symbols on the map representing each other’s movements flicker continuously. Gradually, he can no longer keep up with Gavin’s movements - there is too much false information. The moment he calculates that one path can’t be taken, many more paths around him have already been blocked. 

An increasing number of regions struck with red crosses appear on the map. When he finally grabs the hostage, the six teams he originally had have been reduced to a small four-person group by Gavin.

Gavin shuts the holographic sand table. “Any thoughts?”

Tang Chao remains stubborn. “At least I successfully rescued the hostage...”

“You think that’s called a success?” Gavin laughs coldly. “Do you know why the highest marks are awarded based on the number of people left in the simulation? Because every red dot on the map represents the life of a comrade in real life.”

Tang Chao feels as though something is lodged in his throat.

“In an actual operation, the situations you have to face are even more dangerous, and even more complicated than in the sand table.” Gavin looks around at all of the students. “The criminal will not give you as much time and opportunities to make judgement calls. Every wrong decision could result in the death of a comrade.”

His gaze returns to Tang Chao, his tone becoming more severe. “Give it proper thought.”

Tang Chao lowers his head. “Yes.”

“But you were courageous in bringing up the challenge, and it’s worth encouraging.” Gavin curls his forefinger and taps the sand table. “5km, go.”

For the first time, Tang Chao wholeheartedly finishes the 5km run. He pounds his aching and sore legs, preparing to return to the dormitory. Suddenly, he sees his opponent from half an hour ago at a corner not afar off.

Gavin is standing underneath a tree, holding a photograph in his hand.

Gavin doesn’t notice Tang Chao. All of his focus is channelled onto that photograph. In this moment, he seems to have unloaded all his defences, becoming a Gavin different from his usual self. Those perpetually stern eyes have grown dim, bringing with them a twinge of fatigue. 

Tang Chao holds his breath, subconsciously squinting his eyes to identify the photograph. On it seems to be... a female? Could she be Instructor Gavin’s...

But why is there blood on the photograph?

Before he can let his imagination roam, someone suddenly pats him on the shoulder.

“Hey, Tang Chao, have you seen Instructor Gavin?” His roommate asks. “I need to look for him.”

Tang Chao turns slightly, blocking his roommate’s line of sight. He points in another direction. “Oh, I saw him. He walked towards the canteen.”

The lies of a person who can detect lies will never be discovered by someone else. His roommate doesn’t doubt him, and gives him another pat on the shoulder. “Thanks.”

After his roommate walks a distance away, he turns his head once again to look at Gavin, before leaving quietly.

He doesn’t know what that girl in the photograph means to Gavin, but his instincts told him that the tranquil image before him wasn’t one which someone should have disrupted.

-

[ Chapter Four ]

Amid torrential rain, one group continues training on the field of the police academy. The gloomy weather and gloomy atmosphere seem to make the weight on their shoulders much heavier than usual. But this time, no one complains, including Tang Chao.

--Because yesterday, another comrade in the police academy lost his life in a hostage rescue operation.

The pools of water beneath their feet are akin to pools of blood. The wooden piles on their shoulders seem to be alive and breathing, weighing down on them, and leaving them unable to catch their breath. Tang Chao grits his teeth. Even if he’s at the very end of the formation, he doesn’t give up on pressing forward.

“Late by four minutes.” Gavin clutches the watch at the end point as always. “There’s improvement.”

Only Tang Chao knows just how much effort he expended for the few words “there’s improvement”.

In this moment, he vaguely figure things out in his mind. Even though it’s very unclear, there’s a life goal in his heart which is more definite and firm than being “free and easy, and sleeping after a full meal”. Carefree days are definitely good. If he were to cast down the wooden piles and shout “I quit”, he can have them. But as long as he remains in the police academy for one more day, as long as the vow he made upon entering the academy still remains engraved in his heart, his future is destined to have no fate with being free and easy.

Tang Chao releases a muddy breath. He unloads the weight, laying directly on the field. “Instructor Gavin, how did you tell that I had potential back then?”

Gavin is silent for a while. “...actually, that was a lie.”

Tang Chao bursts out laughing.

Perhaps it was indeed a lie from Gavin. But he had followed through with this lie, and enabled Tang Chao to believe this lie too - he had never given up on Tang Chao, and Tang Chao had never given up on himself.

The rain continues pouring down. After laughing, Tang Chao’s voice mixes with the clear water. “Did you know? I suddenly had the ability to detect lies overnight.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything, and Tang Chao continues. “At first, I didn’t even know how to control my Evol. I was so confused, and the people around me were also very alarmed. Because those around me could no longer conceal anything. No matter what kind of masks they wore, I could remove them. Many people were afraid of talking to me. They didn’t even dare to come near to me. That period of time was... pretty depressing. It’s such an incredible ability.”

“Afterwards, I fumbled around and became clearer on how to use this ability. I more or less figured out how to live in such an environment.” Tang Chao points at his head. “The secret is in not caring.”

“It’s not that you really don’t care.” Gavin says.

“That’s right.” Tang Chao smiles wryly. “It’s just that after pretending not to care for such a long time, I’ve become confused too. Instructor Gavin, do you think I can still find the reason for staying here?”

Gavin ponders for a moment before responding. “I can’t imagine how it feels like to be surrounded by lies. But right now, you’re able to walk out from those days, and maintain an independent judgement. It shows that you’re actually much more tenacious than the average person.”

“I don’t think that I’m strong...”

“No one is born strong.”

Tang Chao wipes at the rainwater on his face. “Including yourself?”

“Including myself.” Gavin says solemnly. “I was at a loss before, but afterwards... I found a reason to persevere. I think it’s only a matter of time before you’ll also find a conviction belonging to yourself.”

When Gavin speaks, his intonation doesn’t fluctuate much. It’s as though he’s elaborating on an obvious fact. At this moment, Tang Chao doesn’t use his Evol, because he knows that these are Gavin’s genuine words.

There’s no need to use a lie detector to determine this.

The rain gradually lessens. Tang Chao observes the ash coloured sky for a very long time. His voice is very soft, as though he’s speaking to himself. “I can’t think of any high-sounding reasons. In that case, my goal is to become a person who can live up to this ability.”

Gavin laughs. With neither too much nor too little force, he kicks Tang Chao’s arm with his foot, then blows the assembly whistle in his hand. “All right. Get up and prepare for the next training.”

Tang Chao sits up. “Big Bro, you should at least give me a compliment!”

-

[ Chapter Five ]

Without realising it, the semester is drawing to a close, and Gavin’s task of being an assistant supervisor is ending soon. The class had originally planned to drag Gavin along to a small New Year’s Eve farewell party. In the end, Gavin was sent to participate in a special operation that day, so everyone just brought the farewell party forward, and wish Instructor Gavin a smooth and successful mission.

After the students have left the classroom, Gavin realises that Tang Chao is still standing at the doorway. “Why haven’t you left with the others?”

“I heard this mission is pretty dangerous.” Tang Chao suddenly speaks.

“Every mission is accompanied with danger.” Gavin says.

“Not that kind of danger...” Although Tang Chao isn’t a participant in this mission, he has heard about its contents. “The moment it isn’t handled properly, the dissent between civilians and Evolvers would be aggravated. If the time comes, I’m afraid it wouldn’t end with just a few clashes and bloodshed.”

Although he’s often careless and relaxed, it doesn’t mean that he’s stupid.

“I know.” Gavin nods. “Since you’ve already heard about some of its contents, your class should more or less know about it too - did they ask you to inquire about it?”

“Not really. I wanted to ask you about it myself.” Tang Chao hugs his elbows. “If... and I’m saying ‘if’. If this operation contradicts with the convictions you’ve always persevered in, what would you do?”

“There’s no need for such hypothesis.” Gavin looks at him. “I’ll just use my own eyes to look at it, use my own mind to make a judgement, and not doubt it before the operation even begins. If conviction can be so easily swayed, it means it isn’t yours. Instead, it’s what someone else has forcefully given to you.”

Gavin pauses, glancing at his own palm. Even if its development clashes with my convictions, I’ll use my own methods to handle it.”

When Tang Chao hears this, he’s left dumbfounded. Then, he immediately laughs. “Ah, this answer is truly in line with Instructor Gavin’s style.” He moves over and crinkles his eyes at Gavin. “No wonder the higher-ups purposely trained you to become a leader. With such words, who wouldn’t want to be Instructor Gavin’s subordinate?”

Gavin shakes his head. “I’m not interested in being a leader.”

“Why aren’t you interested in anything? You said you weren’t interested in the competition earlier either...” Tang Chao grins. “It looks to me that the only interest you have is the lady in that photograph, right? When will you introduce Sis-in-law to everyone- ack!”

He receives a blow from Gavin’s elbow.

Tang Chao covers his stomach and pouts, looking aggrieved. “If you don’t want to be a leader, what about being a captain? I heard that after I graduate, the Special Operations Team proposed by the higher-ups will be formed. When the time comes, I reckon there’ll be many interesting and strong comrades joining the team. You can be the boss.”

“Am I the one forming the Special Operations Team? Can I be the captain just because I want to?” Gavin glares at him. “Why not consider whether or not you can join it first.”

“I think if it’s you, I definitely can.” Tang Chao laughs, showing his teeth. “If Captain Gavin can do it, I definitely can do it too.”

A few days later, Gavin sets out. Students from the class send him into the vehicle at the entrance of the academy. Tang Chao gives him a salute and a smile. “Wishing Instructor Gavin an early New Year’s, and wishing you a safe and successful operation.”

Gavin nods, returning a salute to everyone. “I receive your good wishes. Happy New Year. In the future, we’ll definitely meet again.”

Everyone watches as the truck leaves their line of sight. For a very long time, nobody speaks. Finally, with a deep breath, the class leader asks. “Are we continuing with training?”

“Of course we are!”

[haillenarte]

white day 2020;

Here is a full translation of the (thus far) Japanese-exclusive White Day 2020 Developer’s Blog post.

First, the dry translator’s disclaimers: I acknowledge that this post is four months old. Once upon a time, I was the sort of fan translator who would have rushed to get this done within a week of its posting, but in this case, I was busy with the Ishgardian Restoration Skybuilders’ Ranking when it was first posted, and then after that... well, I just busied myself with other things. I was tempted to skip doing this one completely, but then I felt obligated to complete the series given that I’d translated the post from 2018, so... goodbye to my Saturday morning and afternoon, I suppose.

This post is intended as a polished translation on par with official content. As such, I have taken certain liberties with the text: though it was originally in more or less a script format, I embellished it to make it a prose post consistent with other English developer’s blog posts. Most of the moogle’s narration was invented by me in order to preserve humor and narrative flow. This is nothing that the localization team itself does not do. I can assure you that the core details remain essentially intact and untouched.

If you would prefer to read a more literal take on this text, I am sure that more than a few rough translations exist of it already, so please look for someone else’s post if you want something that’s more of a word-for-word take.

Special thanks to the person I trust best to write Urianger’s dialogue for helping me with Urianger’s dialogue, and then to a second good friend for Elizabethan grammar-checking the both of us!

Happy White Day, Kupo!

March 13, 2020

It’s ever so nice to speak with you again, kupo!

Do you remember me from the last report, perchance? ‘Tis I, the ever-industrious deputy postmoogle’s apprentice! The rising star that’s, ahem, still training to become a full-fledged postmoogle... kupopo...

This Valentione’s Day — like every Valentione’s Day — we postmoogles were once again entrusted with delivering confessions of love all throughout the realm. So I’m here to give you an exclusive rundown on how my deliveries unfolded, kupo!

First, I tapped into my considerable experience as an aspiring postmoogle to... erm... take care of the most difficult delivery on my list before all the rest. A-As any professional would, obviously!

...Phew!

Oh, it was such a relief that he was asleep when I dropped by, kupopo... I thought my heart was going to thump straight out of my fluffy chest! My paws might have been severed... my pom plucked...

Honestly, I was of the distinct opinion that I had done more than my fair share of the year’s work after that, kupo, but of course I tirelessly flew away to my next destination without complaint!

The second set of Valentione’s Day packages in my delivery satchel were meant for Lord Hien of Doma!

Lord Hien greeted me himself, kupo, friendly as ever. "Ah, the postmaster — right on time as always!” he said, a little breathlessly. “You have my thanks. Would you just leave your deliveries on that table so that they come to no harm?”

What harm? I was more a bit confused, but then I realized that he was in the middle of some sort of... game?

He was running around, being chased by the leader of the Buduga clan, kupo. I suppose they were in the middle of an extremely spirited game of tag! How fun! I remember when I was a young moogle playing tag with my friends, floating in circles with the wind in my whiskers... Oh, for those halcyon days! 

Daidukul received a fair bit of stuff from his admirers, too, kupo. More than Magnai, that’s for sure...

Then Isse looked at me as I was laying out everyone’s packages. “Oh, the postmoogle’s arrived?” he asked. “Um, by any chance, are you the one who delivered the year-end gifts from last time? I meant to give my thanks to the person who sent me something then...”

Of course, I told him that would be perfectly fine!

After all, even when it’s not Valentione’s Day, it’s the responsibility of a delivery moogle — or delivery person — to ensure that all the tender feelings they’ve been entrusted with reach their intended recipients. That’s why there’s no better job for me than being a postmoogle!

After my business in Doma was concluded, I flew back to Eorzea, kupo.

I’m a real go-getter — and someone really ought to tell the deputy postmoogle of my great work ethic — so I darted straight to the Black Shroud to unload my paws of all the packages I had for the people there. And what luck! As fortune would have it, I met one of my delivery targets on the road: Sanson Smyth!

“Happy Valentione’s Day, Sanson!” I chirped. “I have some very special deliveries for you and your usual companion!”

“Companion?” Sanson repeated. He sounded a little incredulous. “Er, no, that’s not quite right — it would really be more accurate to call him a vexing subordinate... Regardless, if it is Guydelot you seek, he is no doubt at his usual tavern. Would you like me to walk there with you?”

Oh, but of course I did, kupo! Sanson’s such a thoughtful, helpful man, isn’t he? It was so very nice of him to ask.

Taverns are where travelers go to rest, so they seem like such wonderful places to meet other people, kupo...

Once I’d finished with my deliveries in the Shroud, I let the cool northern winds carry me straight to Ishgard, kupo. And what change it’s gone through! The city was just bustling with the reconstruction effort!

I told Edmont (Count Edmont? Lord Edmont? So confusing!) that I’d come to deliver joyful tidings of love to everyone in House Fortemps again, kupo!

And to Ser Aymeric as well, of course!

And... well, I had a whole sack of things to give to Estinien, but just like last time, he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Since writing his name on it and leaving it by the window seemed to work last Valentione’s Day, I asked Aymeric if I should do the same this year, but... kupopo... He didn’t quite seem to approve of the idea. 

“We’ve received word from our men afield that Estinien may no longer be operating in Ishgard,” Aymeric explained, “so it may not be enough merely to leave his gifts by the nearest window and expect him to come across them.”

My pom drooped a bit at this pronouncement, kupo. After all, how was I going to deliver Estinien’s presents if even the Ishgardians couldn’t find him? Was it all hopeless, kupo?! All those packages to be returned to their senders... What a waste!

“No, well... Another report indicated some success in luring him with the scent of roasted kraken, seared by dragon’s breath. We might try that, if you’d like.”

I thought that seemed like a reasonable suggestion, but Edmont looked a little concerned. “Ser Aymeric, do you truly think — ?” he began, but then he seemed to change his mind. “...No, forget that I spoke. That being said, the restoration of the Firmament is proceeding apace, so I would exercise caution around undue use of fire...”

Well, I am nothing if not a cautious moogle, so I very carefully cooked up some delicious grilled kraken over an open fire, kupo. We postmoogles truly go above and beyond for our work!

I left his packages with the salted cephalopod as it was roasting, so I’ll bet he was thrilled to find everything set up for him!

I didn’t forget to make deliveries to this place either, kupo.

Whenever I come here, the atmosphere of the room feels so... so holy, kupo. As if the very air is clear... but empty, too. Do you know what I mean?

I cleaned up my posture before I left, kupo, and then it was off to finish the rest of the deliveries!

I had successfully shared everyone’s expressions of love with all sorts of people in Eorzea, and now it was time for... um... the impossible, kupo. You see, I still had a whole stack of especially challenging deliveries to make to the First!

We moogles have a lot of special tricks up our poms, kupo, but even I can’t possibly visit another shard without a bit of help... 

I really hadn’t the foggiest idea how to get there, so I wound up consulting the helpful folks at the Eighteenth Floor to ask them how I could get to the First!

And do you know what? They were so nice, kupo! They said that because Valentione’s Day was such a special day, and because they wanted to accommodate everyone’s heartfelt feelings, they’d let me use a special door that would take me safely to the First. Though it was not without... stipulations...

They handed me an enchanted pocket watch and said that if I failed to return before the hand on the watch made a full turn around the clock, I’d never be able to go back to Eorzea again, kupo.

Terrifying! Utterly terrifying! What other job would possibly ask you to put your existence as you know it on the line, kupo?!

But I am, as I’ve said, a professional beyond compare... so I made up my mind and zipped right through that door!

...I admit, I passed out and lost consciousness as I was traveling between the worlds, kupo. But when I came to, I was in a beautiful purple forest, and I could vaguely hear someone calling for me!

So I bounced back into the air and fluttered off to the Crystal Tower, kupo!

Naturally, the first First resident I delivered packages to was the Crystal Exarch. I had things to give him as the Crystal Exarch, and... other things to give him, too, kupo. Presents from a different time, from when he went by a different name. 

Now, I must admit, I’ve never quite understood his situation, but I did dutifully deliver his Valentione’s Day gifts each and every year! I simply wasn’t able to enter the Crystal Tower, so I would leave them at the entrance, kupo. I told him this, and then I asked him if he’d received them.

...But he didn’t answer me, kupo! He just started crying!

What was a poor moogle to do? I mean, you’ll notice our paws aren’t exactly great for wiping tears away. Had I made a terrible mistake after all? Should I not have done that?

“No,” the Exarch said, shaking his head. “No, you... you have done nothing wrong, little moogle. Forgive me. Let us move on. We must needs formulate a plan to keep you safe as you navigate this shard.“

I was very grateful to have made the acquaintance of such a cooperative colleague, kupo! With his help, I charted a path through Norvrandt that would let me finish my deliveries in time.

Next time, though, I hope I’m given a bit more time to take in the sights. I still think of those beautiful flowers in Il Mheg, and all the sights and sounds in that luxurious seaside city, Eulmore...

The Scions of the Seventh Dawn were there on some sort of business trip, I suppose, and of course they received as many gifts as ever, kupopo. I was very pleased to meet young Ryne for the first time, though!

She was delighted to meet me too, I do believe, and when I explained to her what Valentione’s Day was all about, she smiled and said, “It’s so wonderful that there are such beautiful holidays on the Source!”

“I’m sure Norvrandt will begin celebrating its own holidays before long, now that it isn’t under threat of the Light,” Thancred told her. “If you want, you can start a holiday of your own, with your friends.”

“That’s true,” Ryne giggled.

Urianger was especially pleased to see Ryne smile, kupo! Er, what was it he said again? “Pray enjoy thy gifts, to the delight of those who give thee affection.” Something like that, kupo? And also, um... “Have care lest thou shouldst cross paths with pixies and their kin, for therein lieth a penchant for mischief most troublesome.”

Yes, that was it, kupo!

Seeing everyone smile made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy too, kupo. I realize I’m always warm and fuzzy, but I mean extraordinarily so!

After ensuring that all of my packages arrived in the hands of their recipients on land, I then had to travel all the way to the bottom of the deep blue sea. It still boggles my mind that people on the First live beneath the ocean waves, kupo!

It took me some time to find someone who would respond to me, but I managed it eventually. “Why, hello there!” I said. “Yes, you, the tall fellow over there! Do you know where I might find someone by the name of Emet-Selch? I’ve a long story that I haven’t the time to tell, but to cut it all short, I have a pile of presents that I must see into his hands!”

I couldn’t quite make out the tall fellow’s face behind his mask, but I got the impression that he was smiling at me, kupo. “You are troubled, little one. Yes, I understand... If you would deliver these glad tidings to him, then let me give you a helping hand. Here.”

Poof! 

I couldn’t believe my eyes, kupo! With a snap of his fingers, the tall man made all my packages for Emet-Selch disappear into bits of light!

This wasn’t in any of the procedural manuals the deputy postmoogle made me memorize back-to-front, so I admit I might have panicked a little bit... but the tall fellow calmed me down soon enough.

“Even sweet gifts such as those you bear are only masses of aether,” he explained. “Once reduced to their base components, they will go to where he is — where all life eventually arrives. Be at ease, child. Whatever his faults in character, our lord of the dead and king of the underworld is an exceedingly clever man. No matter how vast the sea of life may be, he will surely be able to pluck his presents from the aetherial flow... supposing he desires to do so, that is.”

Now, I didn’t truly understand the finer points of this explanation, kupo... but the masked man seemed sincere about getting those gifts to Emet-Selch, so I decided to believe that he hadn’t done any harm.

I wanted to thank him for his help, but then he was gone in the blink of an eye! Even though I was in the middle of speaking with him when he vanished!

The citizens of that place are so mysterious, kupopo...

After all that was said and done, kupo, I had one final delivery to make. Just one last addressee to track down, and then I’d be finished, kupo!

And I really put my all into it. I swear upon my postmoogle’s cap and bag! I looked everywhere, every mountain high and valley low, but I simply couldn’t track him down.

The time left on my pocket watch was starting to run out, kupo, so I had to accept defeat. Disappointed, dragging my drooping pom behind me, I made my way back to the door between worlds, which already looked like it was in danger of disappearing, and leapt through the gates...

Mayhap I had cut it so close to the last second that something went wrong, kupo?

I passed out again, and when I came to, I was rolling around on an unfamiliar grassy knoll... while someone was poking at me to wake up, kupo!

What luck! What incredible luck! It was the very person I’d been searching for, for all that time, up until the very last second — Ardbert!

I almost cried and threw myself at him, I was so happy! To think that I would find him like this! “Ardbert, Ardbert!” I said, like he was an old friend. “I finally found you! I had all these presents to give you, kupo!”

He laughed and took it all in stride, though this must have been greatly puzzling to him. “What’s this? Another reward for the quest we just finished?”

“No, it’s not, kupo!” I replied, perhaps a little more crossly than I should have. “Here, this is for you! Take this, and this, and this! It’s all yours, kupo! Each package represents someone’s feelings for you, kupo! Everyone loves you so much!”

“Careful, now — oh, these look delicious!” he exclaimed, affably embarrassed as he sorted through the boxes I was admittedly pelting him with. “And this is all for me? You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, kupo! Eat them all up and have more faith in yourself, Ardbert!”

His eyes crinkled at their corners when he smiled. “Hahah! You’ve got a point. Then I’ll share these with my friends just over there. My thanks for bringing them all this way here, postmoogle. You’ve done a great job.”

...

...

I don’t quite remember what happened after that, kupo...

When I came to, I was lying on the counter of the Seventh Heaven, evidently having dozed off next to that Wandering Minstrel fellow. At first, I thought perhaps meeting Ardbert in that strange world had been nothing but a dream, but when I checked my postmoogle’s bag, I realized that it was much lighter, kupo!

So I really had met him, and I really had completed all my deliveries!

This year’s Valentione’s Day deliveries were arduous and difficult, kupo, but at the end of the day, I really did have a lot of fun. 

I delivered all of your love to everyone else, kupo... and now I’m here to deliver their love back to you!

One more time, for everyone’s sake: Happy White Day, kupo!

[sd1970x]

Marinette, work in progress - Chapter 1

Read also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26203645/chapters/63770623

----

“One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” Simone de Beauvoir

There is almost nothing about Marin Dupain-cheng's life, an aspiring clothes designer, that makes them happy. Certainly not the bullying they keep getting at school.

Marin doesn't even know her true gender identity yet.

Both of these are about to change. But would that be enough for her to fight the demons within? ----

CW - Homophobia

Pronouns note: in the beginning of the fic, as Marin(ette) is very much closeted, I am purposefully using he/him pronouns as these capture the correct perspective feel. Pronouns will change as soon as she realizes who/what she really is.

---

So, this is my first work after almost two years of not producing any new ones. I am planning to explore mental challenges involving the crossing of the gender barrier, the very same ones I am now fighting after discovering my own gender identity, as I was writing it in a Miraculous Ladybug fic.

This work is planned to be about a dozen chapters and around 30-40k words when complete.

Thanks go to: V- for inspiring this fic and for being the amazing and caring person they are. Wonderful beta feedback and copyediting: Skye, MyKeyboardDidIt

(further thanks will be updated as goes! if you helped with beta/ideas just hit me up and i'll add you!)

------------

"Dear, your alarm’s been going off for fifteen minutes! You’re going to be late for your first day of school!”

You say that as if it’s a bad thing. As if I don’t want to be several hours late. Or days.

“Yeah Mom, I’m coming.”

Marin dragged himself out of bed, his form hunched as he made his way to his closet, regarding his clothes with indifference.

I Don’t even like any of them. And I doubt they would solve the real problem here. That I do not like what I see in the mirror.

Myself.

His hand drifted to a random shirt of no particular interest and he casually tossed it over his head. He shuffled over to the bathroom, glancing at himself in the mirror.

Ho-hum. Same old me, isn’t it?

His hair was in its usual mess on top of his head. Foregoing using a brush, he ended up lightly combing through his hair with his fingers until it looked somewhat acceptable.

I guess that’s okay, he thought while shrugging.

As he was brushing his teeth, his eyes strayed to his face. Studying it. Scrutinizing it.

I ought to shave better than this, He thought. His hand reached for the razor, but he stopped short of picking it up.

What even is the point. Either way, trying won’t make any difference.

The image in the mirror appeared to give him a judgemental look, his own blue eyes prying into the inner parts of his soul.

Well, at least these eyes aren’t half as bad. Perhaps they would have been of some use if they had been matched with another person altogether.

He sighed and turned his head away, as if that would be enough to make the thought disappear.

It wasn’t.

The stairway creaked just a bit as he went downstairs to the kitchen where his parents were already toiling about.

“Your need to patch up your shave, my boy,” Tom said. “You want to look good for the ladies, don’t you?”

I’m not into girls, Dad.

Maybe one day I’ll gather the courage to tell you that.

“Well… not really…”

After all, what difference does it make?

“Come now, where’s the spirit? Every girl is different, they can’t all be like Chloe,” Sabine interjected, attempting to be helpful but having just the opposite effect.

“Ugh, Mom, why’d you have to mention her at all?”

Marin frowned as he sat down for breakfast, unable to drive Chloe’s image away from his mind. He took a bite off of his omelette and was struck by the apparent blandness. He set the fork down, sighing quietly to himself.

And there goes my appetite. It’s not the omelette that’s the issue though....

A sip of fresh juice did the trick, the taste too strong to be overridden.

“Cheer up, buddy!” Tom came over. “Take these macarons to school, maybe a tasty start would help lighten up your day!”

“Thanks, Dad, these are awesome.” He said as he picked them up, giving him a half-hearted smile in return.

I appreciate the gesture..., but it feels more like bribing my classmates with these. Guess anything is worth a try at this point.

---

Marin walked into school where everyone was bustling about and chatting with old friends.

Bright banners greeted the students and everything still felt pristine and clean. The corridors even had flower bouquets placed as decorations. Marin took a breath of air, relishing in the floral scent, and proceeded to enter class.

The classroom was freshly painted and even the furniture had been patched with an attention to detail. Marin barely allowed himself a moment of excitement, before despair and weariness took hold again.

It may look different, but looks won’t change anything for people like me. It’ll still be an endless test of mettle against bullying and harassment.

He cautiously went for his seat and observed his classmates.

So there’s Nino, he’s kinda-sorta okay with me. Something I could never say about Kim. Max hasn’t been mean either, but he’s with Kim, so... At least I don’t see her , maybe we’re not in the same—

“What do you think you’re doing?” a loud cry halted his thoughts and confirmed his fears.

Chloe. The nastiest of them all. Here’s to an old-new welcome, a start-over that amounts to absolutely nothing.

“Ugh. Here we go again,” he muttered quietly, hoping Chloe wouldn’t pick it up.

She came over, an accusing look plastered on her face.

“That's my seat.”

“But Chloe, this has always…” he attempted to retort, then quickly backtracked.

“Fine, just… take it. I don’t care.”

“Take it? It’s always been ours.” Sabrina added, bearing the same mocking countenance.

Sabrina helped herself to one of Marin’s macarons uninvited, then made a puking motion.

“Ugh, they are so gross!” she said, even though she was quick to pocket one for her friend as well.

Chloe paid no heed to the macarons as she was already busy teaching Marin the new rules.

“Listen. Adrien's arriving today and the last thing he needs is someone who needs straightening like you giving this class a bad name. Stay away from him, get it?”

Marin tried his best to ignore the obvious insult and focus on the more pressing question.

“Who’s Adrien?”

Both Chloe and Sabrina chuckled, making Marin regret asking.

“Adrien is a famous model. Pretty, rich, glamorous, someone to look up to. Like me. And just like me, he’s everything you’ll never be and everything you’ll never have.” Chloe fawned over her imaginary description as Sabrina took up the task of reprimanding Marin for the question.

“A loser that doesn’t even know who Adrien is, needs to sit as far away from him as possible. You’re enough of an embarrassment to our class as is.”

Marin opened his mouth as if to deny every word, but opted against it.

You’re wrong. One day, I’ll be a famous and successful designer and every single one of you will be sorry for how you treated me. I just have to persist through this. I won’t bite it this time.

He picked up his bag wordlessly and slowly went towards his designated seat.

At least that’s what he planned to do, but the new girl pre-empted him as she grabbed him by the hand and helped him to the seat next to her. Apparently she had overheard the conversation and didn’t plan on letting it slide, at least as far as her expression read as she looked towards one Chloe Bourgeois.

“Hey! Who elected you queen of seats?” She cried out.

“I did. Good luck dethroning me with your pariah friend.” Chloe laughed at her.

It was then that Miss Bustier entered the class, finally putting a timely end to the whole ordeal.

“Has everyone found a seat?” she called.

“Hey. Don’t let her get to you.” The new girl turned towards Marin again.

He nodded.

“If only I could… She makes my life miserable. My only comfort is the thought that I’ll be free once I graduate.”

“I’m Alya, what’s your name?”

“I’m Marin” He replied. “Pleased to meet you.”

“For those of you who don't yet know me,” Miss Bustier called yet again, “I'm Miss Bustier and I'll be your teacher this year.”

At least with the lesson going on, I should be safe from unnecessary trouble.

Marin pulled out his history book, the same one from last year, bearing yet another reminder. "Marin the Gay-boy" scrawled over the cover, courtesy of Kim.

Safe, huh.

“Everything you’ll never be, Everything you’ll never have.”

Like a clean history book.

It was then when the memories came back to life, a flashback from last year.

---

“Who did this?”

Marin looked about, trying to discern any dead giveaways by his classmates. Too many of them seemed to be smiling too mysteriously to be able to get anything out of them.

You need to stand up for yourself! Show them weakness and they’ll hunt you down like prey!

… easier said than done.

He took another good look at his history book. A small red scrawl was now adorning it, not unlike a barb stuck in flesh and equally painful.

“ Marin the Gay-Boy ”.

“Please… tell me who did this.”

Weariness engulfed his voice as it went weak.

I’ll find out who did this! I’ll…

Drip.

Drop.

The book’s hardcover had just won yet another adornment, as Marin’s teardrops started collecting over it.

Marin picked up the book, tucked it by his side and blasted away from class, his legs carrying him as far as he could, a bout of laughter coming from his classmates in his wake.

By the time Nino found him, his tears had mostly dried out.

“I saw it, dude. It was Kim.”

Marin sighed.

“Thanks, Nino. I… there’s nothing I can do about it, now can I?”

Nino nodded.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

---

I may have missed first period and the picking of seats, but I haven’t missed out the first day entirely. I guess luck is somewhat on my side, today.

“Hey there, Adrikins. Here’s your seat, I saved it for you. Right in front of me!”

So, I have that going for me as well!

“Thanks, Chloe, that’s really nice of you!”

As Chloe and her friend Sabrina went to do something else, Adrien found it to be an opportunity to introduce himself to other students around. What caught his attention the most about the nearby student were his orange headphones, seemingly a fixture of his appearance.

“Hey, I’m Adrien, pleased to meet you!” he offered his hand and got answered with a sturdy shake.

“Yo, I’m Nino. So, you’re that guy Chloe mentioned earlier?”

It was at that moment that he caught something happening out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s that all about?” he called towards Chloe and Sabrina, as both were putting gum on one of the seats.

“The brat that sits here needs a reminder of his place in the hierarchy. I'm just commanding a bit of respect, that's all.”

“You think that's really necessary?”

“Ah, you've got a lot to learn about school culture, Adrikins. Watch the master.”

Hardly convinced, Adrien went about trying to remove the gum from that seat, as he heard another male voice.

“Oh. So that’s your method of choice. How original.”

The voice sighed as Chloe and Sabrina laughed.

“Uhhh… I…” Adrien tried to protest, as he turned towards who he presumed was the seat’s owner.

The first thing that struck him about this boy is that he had a good amount of untapped potential. Smooth black hair, bright blue eyes… given proper care, he could look so much nicer, but he was relatively unkempt and his clothes were poorly matched too.

“And to think I imagined this year would be any different. Stupid, stupid, stupid. ” The boy lamented.

“No, no, I was just trying to take this off!” Adrien tried to salvage the situation, but to no avail.

All the while, Chloe and Sabrina continued to laugh.

“I see you’re in cahoots with Chloe. You don’t need to play pretend with me.”

“See?” Chloe said, “Gay-boy here knows his place. As he should.”

Marin just covered the gum with spare tissue paper and sat by Alya.

“There you go. Adrien Agreste, daddy's boy, teen supermodel and Chloe's buddy.” Alya quipped.

“I bet he’s used to not seeing or caring how people beneath his status feel,” Marin muttered.

---

Alya had little interest in the class, but much more interest in her table partner. She quickly learned that Marin wanted to be a famous designer after he graduated. While she wasn’t a professional, the sketches Marin gave her seemed really good. But there was something else to watch for, too. How his face had lit up when he handed her his sketches. For a moment there, he seemed to be another person altogether. His face brightened up as he took at least a hint of pride in his handiwork.

And you should. Not to mention that a smile looks so much better on you than that sad face you had on earlier.

They had a free hour just after class, so Alya was only mildly surprised when Marin caught her hand and pulled her towards somewhere as he ran forward.

“Where are you taking me?” She asked.

“The best place this school has to offer.” he grinned and continued to dash forward.

“I present you… the art club room!” he exclaimed.

It’s as if he’s another person entirely.

Marin waded in, showing Alya all the different areas the art room had to offer.

A wall for street art, mostly cleaned from past works but still bearing color marks of older works. Desks used for writing, pen scratch marks still visible even after having been cleaned for the new year. Drawing stands, also marked by some uncleanable paint blots. Then there was...

“... Here it is. A state of the art sewing machine, My best and only friend in this entire school.” he laughed, but in a moment the smile dropped from his face.

“That… I…”

He sat by, not nearly as happy as before, and pulled a derby hat from the nearby drawer.

“I worked on this last year and haven’t managed to finish it yet.”

Alya picked up the hat and casually caressed the fabric. It felt somewhat sturdy yet comfy.

Marin flicked the machine on and seemed to be mulling his next move. Eventually, he just turned it back off without doing anything.

“We technically shouldn’t be here without a teacher, so let’s go.” His passionless voice took over again.

Alya could see this was nothing but an excuse, but she declined to call it out. Her instincts told her there was no chance on earth Marin wasn’t keen on violating this rule more than once.

“It really is a lovely place.” She tried to brighten up the atmosphere, with mild success.

“And I loved the hat.” She said as she handed it back for Marin to place in the drawer again.

That seemed to work a bit better.

“Wait ‘till it’s complete, then. I’m sure it will suit you well.” Half a smile crept to Marin’s face.

---

Marin bid Alya farewell as he left the classroom and slouched towards the school’s main doors.

He cautiously opened it, only to find rain pouring outside and the sky filled with grey clouds.

A fresh start, huh? The morning’s nice weather is already gone. At least the bleakness isn’t hiding anymore.

He stood by, still sheltered, when he found out another person was standing next to him.

That Adrien guy. And he just noticed me. That’s the last thing I need right now.

“Hey!” Adrien called.

He slowly sidestepped to maintain a safe distance between them and turned his head away, muttering a slight ‘hmph’.

“Hey, listen buddy… I really was trying to remove that gum from your seat.”

Marin turned his head around and looked at Adrien, wide-eyed.

I… I must be dreaming. Did he really just say that?

“S-so… you weren’t…” he tried to piece together his words and found himself unable to do so.

“Of course not. I came here to study, to make friends… I’m not here to harass or insult people, where’s the sense in that?”

He is sincere about it. Somebody that doesn’t see me as the “gay punching bag” everyone else does.

“I didn’t even get your name.”

“It’s… It’s Marin.”

Marin’s heart nearly skipped a beat, one that he was sure Adrien managed to hear even with the rain’s sound muffling it.

And then, there was an inaudible sound he missed.

A cracking sound, as the nearly-impenetrable shell, one that was built layer over layer of self-defence from bullying and mistreatment, sealing off his emotions, gave just a little bit of way.

Adrien let his hand out of the shelter, feeling the raindrops accumulating.

“So, Marin, It’s raining and I’ve got a ride, need an umbrella?”

He nodded ever so slightly and Adrien pulled out a black umbrella. A click and a whoosh and it was now open, handed for him to take.

Marin cautiously reached out for the umbrella Adrien handed him, his hand shaking and trembling.

That’s… so nice… so… so unlike…

No sooner than he had picked it up though, his hand slipped and triggered the activation switch, the umbrella closing shut over him.

Adrien laughed for a brief moment and gave Marin a slight friendly shoulder bump.

“You keep safe, alright buddy?”

“A… al… alr-...”

Marin barely even noticed his bag dropping, hitting the ground with a ‘thud’ and his personal effects rolling about on the wet pavement. His eyes were transfixed as Adrien waved goodbye and proceeded towards his pick up car.

He’s not going to insult me or beat me or humiliate me.

Someone I can trust. Someone I can rely on.

I feel… safe next to him.

.

.

Oh, Adrien!

Maybe things were going to be different after all.

---

Unnoticed by them both, there was another figure watching the exchange, clad in a hawaiian t-shirt and accompanied by a green looking creature.

“Are you sure of your choice, master?”

“Yes. He will make a fine Chat Noir…

… and she will make for an unforgettable Ladybug.”

next

[doomstypewriter]

abt the last ask: u dont have to include it ofc (if u write it at all) but i thought id let u know that its based on the mental image i suddenly had of j climbing up to pats window, knocking on the shutters, pat pulling him in by his lapels and immediately kissing him (if you can even call it that with how hard theyre smiling) & then sometime later pat hearing like his dads footsteps coming toward his room as theyre making out so pat scrambles off his bf & shoves him in his closet (the irony)

Anon, finally, here you have it, but with a twist. This got completely out of hand, as per usual when I write anything. Since you were so nice (/li) to send me your request in two parts, I will actually break your prompt into two parts, otherwise, it’s never going to end. I hope you’re pleased by the first part, also, I am answering to this first because it matches the content of the first part. 

Thank you so much for your lovely prompt! Hope you enjoy! 

If anyone wants to be tagged for this let me know in a comment!

AO3

Chapter 2 >>

We call it an affair because it’s a forbidden romance

Summary:�� An encounter in the dark. The disdain of society. A forbidden romance. Royalty is involved and a title is at stake. Will an aspiring count, Patton Morandi and his rogue lover Janus overcome the barriers laid in front of them?

(We're in it for the drama)

---

“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”.

“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?”

Word count: 3848

Pairings: Moceit, future Prinxiety.

TW:  Homophobia, internalised homophobia, deadnaming a trans person, misogyny, mentions of religion, hopelessness, ideological things you would expect from the period (I'm not sure if there's anything else, but please tell me).

Chapter 1 of 2: 

Balcony kiss

How the moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. It was a mostly clear summer evening, the second day of the week-long festival. The sounds of music and colourful lights could be heard and seen from the distance, but gradually decreased as a certain thief made its way across the gardens of Villa Morandi. For certain, the head of the family would not be excessively happy about the entire ordeal, but no disgruntlement could come out of those things of which one has no knowledge of, and Janus surely intended to keep his entanglement a secret. 

He crossed the bushes and jumped over marble balustrades expertly, careful to avoid the lights of the servant quarters, where their residents were reading themselves for departure. 

“Signor Morandi seems to be in good spirits lately, it is fortunate that most of us can leave for the festival”. 

Any news about the man was something worth listening to, given his situation, so he decided to stay and see if they mentioned something useful. Also, he, admittedly, enjoyed gossip. 

“Loretta! Don’t be such a bragger in front of us!”

“Why? I’d say the only one lamenting not being able to go is you. You should be ashamed for dragging poor Virginia in with you to make yourself sound less self-centred”. 

Janus silently nodded. 

“That is not true! I am merely trying to make the newcomer feel welcome! And here you are making her feel excluded, who is now in the wrong?” 

Weak retort, wannabe-partygoer, he thought. 

“Va, va…” the other maid answered dismissively “Quit holding her like that! Don’t you see she’s uncomfortable?! Povera bambina”. 

“Come on Virginia, don’t you think it’s a waste for such a wrinkly woman to be let out instead of us?” 

“Who are you calling old?!” 

“You did, but now that you so kindly brought it up, you are old! Turning wrinklier by the second!” 

Alright, at this point, Janus could not help but be rooting for Loretta, going for the old card was the low-hanging fruit. 

“I may be your senior, but I promise you that regardless of that nonsense about wrinkles you’re babbling I’m ten times more fair looking!”

“Ah!” she exclaimed with feigned indignation. “Can you believe her? She’s delusional!”

“Well then, the delusional one will not search for a man at the festival, such a pity I will not be introducing anyone to you this week!”

He smiled at the comeback. Way to go, Loretta. 

“Loretta! Just because you had the luck to get engaged doesn’t give you the right to rob others of their chances. Don’t be so mean, I’ll apologise if I must”. 

“Alright, but never dare call me wrinkly again, for you will owe this old woman when I find you a husband. Virginia, I can help you too if you want it, I know plenty of young lads who would love to…” 

“Oh, no, I’m not really interested”. 

At this point Janus had quenched his thirst for amusement and begun to lose his interest, having more pressing matters to attend to. But, one new comment made him reconsider the usefulness of his eavesdropping for longer on the ladies’ conversation. 

“That’s right, Loretta, don’t you see she’s here on official duty. To suggest for her to slack off with men… ts, ts… “

“Oh, you shut up! Don’t fret, Virginia, dear, I should have remembered you were sent for an urgent matter”. 

“True, true! Tell us if you can, is it as they say? Was her ladyship done in by pirates?” 

“Elda! Such crude language, you dare call yourself a lady, how can you say something so insensitive?”

“What? You want to know as badly as I do, besides, if it is true, then there is no changing it, and if it’s not then it’s fine, as her ladyship is still alive”. 

“I’m so sorry, Virginia, just ignore her”. 

“Don’t worry. As far as I’m willing to say, her ladyship still lives but I cannot disclose any further information”. 

Oh. 

No. 

When one spies on others, bad news exists as a possibility, but, usually, in the form of getting caught. This happened to be worse. Being spotted? That he could deal with. Having his heart ripped out after one stellar month? Not so much. 

He ran. 

Not from his problems. More or less towards them. 

The marble balcony seemed as unreachable as ever. A sense of dread loomed over his thoughts, while a mix of feelings, now turned into urgency, settled in his heart. 

Raising a hand Janus willed his trustworthy companion to fall from the nightly skies. Meanwhile, he began to climb the walls of the manor. There was an undeserved elegance in his motions, not becoming of such an honourless goal, and, nevertheless, fitting for a thief like him. 

The hawk swept inside the room from a window and cast the doors to the balcony open. 

Janus promptly grabbed onto the bass of the marble balustrade. One month ago he had received news of something that would simplify his life. He knew he should not care, it was going to end poorly no matter what. But, rereading two months worth of love letters and hoping for an uncertain future, he could not help but feel happy. That made his resolve to return in time for the festival. 

From the room came a sound of rushing footsteps. 

Three months of yearning to see a face again. 

That image made Janus more desperate, and, in his haste, he committed one fatal mistake. His grip on the marble slipped. At a thirty feet height, the ground beckoned him. 

But, just when his doom seemed so certain, he was caught by the front of his cape and safely gathered against a pair of lips. 

With such smiles stretching their faces, it could barely be called a kiss. But, the intensity of the affections behind it rendered the notion meaningless. 

“My love”, Janus muttered as they parted ever so slightly. 

“You scared me, silly. I miss you for three months and when you’re returned to me I almost lose you for good”. 

“Let’s be happy you were there to catch me”. 

“Thank the Lord, and if He wills it, I will always be”. 

“I ought to be grateful to you, my dear, not the ones above” he answered while stepping to the safe side of the balcony. 

“Well, our poor feathery friend can’t be too happy about that” Patton laughed dismissively, gazing at Janus’ hawk. 

“You’re right. I neglect to show my gratitude, perhaps you could give me somewhere to start?”

“Oh, but how can I hand you my room, my sweet, the stones of the house are too heavy!” 

“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”. 

“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?” 

Janus laughed in delight. 

“Let me make you smile in turn, then”, he said, whilst extending his hand. 

The touch of Patton’s palm felt like a warm pressure through the barrier of his leather gloves. Perhaps all of his interactions were as imperfect as their naked hands not being able to meet. Janus’ fake gallantry, their hopes, may be short-lived in the face of change. But, for now, he would rather enjoy pretending. 

He pulled Patton to the inside of the alcove. 

“Are you refined now?” Patton laughed. 

“Of course, I have always been. Whatever could lead you to ask such a question? If I were to be a thief, which I am not, I would be the most honourable”. 

There was a certain amount of delight to be found in catching his lover in the midst of changing into his night robes, judging by those being laid out onto the bed’s ostentatious covers. Despite such a degree of luxury surrounding Patton, he still refused to task any servant to dress him. What was there not to love about the man? 

Patton made a motion as if to hold his hands, only to surprise him by pulling his gloves off. Any other person, and it would have been a display of sensuality, coming from him, it was like movement turned into honey, perhaps a mixture of both. Indeed, there was everything to love about him. 

Maybe not all. Janus dreaded to admit how deep in he had allowed himself to be for this man. 

A fool for a good man. 

His hands felt the light night coldness in their grip on the linen shirt. Janus almost wanted to chastise himself as the thought of kissing away the kiss of the midnight breeze came to mind. He hid in the curve of Patton’s neck, sliding his lips along it, feeling like a coward whispering a lie. Countless lies. Telling himself this was enough, that he could bear the thought of this man taken away from him by a woman, that the thrill in this forbidden form of vice was not his worry taking yet another disguise. 

“Oh, you’re a thief alright”. 

“Is there something of yours I happen to have taken?” Janus retorted with a vague tone of amusement. 

Patton cradled his left cheek in a firm request to see his face. Who was Janus to deny him? 

“You know all too well you have”. 

Oh. 

“Well, that would make two of us”. 

Patton’s expression melted into more honey. It always made Janus unsure as to whether he had made a mistake, no matter how unfounded the doubt was. 

“Thank you” the words rebounded in proximity against the other’s lips. Janus didn’t know Patton could also be cruel. 

“A little sincerity never hurt anyone”. 

“You are not anyone” he smiled softly. 

“Then make the pain up to me”.  

Both their lips made contact like a wax seal on a letter. Janus pushed Patton against a low piece of furniture. From how the other fumbled, he could tell a corner was pressing against him. Despite the sting, Patton still committed himself to their affections. If that wasn’t a metaphor for their relationship Janus didn’t know what it was. Janus knew Patton would disagree, of course. 

It seemed that exchanging one piece of furniture for another, the bed, would not be possible. Someone was knocking on the door. 

“Janus…” Patton panicked in a hushed voice.

“Not a problem, my dear, this is my speciality” he smiled at him. 

Janus’ feet almost flew over the carpet, muffled by the Persian fibres and his expertise on avoiding the parts of the floor that creaked. He turned the key of Patton’s wardrobe without the distinctive noise most people couldn’t avoid. Luckily for them, he wasn’t most people. The door mysteriously closed itself from the inside. Janus could swear to hear Patton draw a breath in wonder as to how he had done it. 

“My son, let me in!” a voice came from the corridor. 

“On my way, father”. 

The mule-like bray of the alcove’s door hinges Janus detested preceded the sound of a set of footsteps he knew and loathed just as well, if not more.

“Were you reading yourself for bed? Ah, do not answer, I can already see your night robes over there. How many times need I tell you, call the servants to dress you, it is unbecoming that you do not. Moreso with the status you are to acquire”. 

Janus almost scoffed upon hearing it.

It wasn’t that Janus outright looked down on Signor Morandi. He certainly held an admirable reputation and an even more admirable wealth. He contributed to the church, upheld his honour, was a patron to a few talented artists and did everything expected from someone of his status. By societal definition, he was an outstanding man. But, he could never understand Patton. Yes, Patton’s behaviour in public also stood to scrutiny. He was a young man to be admired, for sure. Yet, it somehow mismatched any other person’s strive for reputability. Patton lacked this performative quality, eagerness, if you will, that he found time and time again in people. 

At first, Janus struggled to comprehend it. Everyone had desires outside of the strictly polite, they either pretended they didn’t or tried to hide it, that’s why they paid the church, after all. Janus didn’t believe people made an effort to actively align with the global canon for morality, just to look like it or deceive themselves. This theory on society made it so when he met Patton he simply dismissed him as a try-hard, later to relabel him as self-deceiving. Maybe he was a victim of his own biased cynicism. 

As they grew closer, he started to get the whole picture. To his surprise, Patton tried to get his desires to align with what he perceived as morally correct, sometimes failing miserably. Janus’ presence in his room didn’t qualify as a success by society’s criteria... Patton’s effort to be ‘good’ did not come from a place of wishing to be perceived as such. Patton didn’t want to look good, he needed to be good. A good man. The realisation was hard to process but true. 

Once he understood that, Janus could not let go. It stands to reason that, if that kind of person were to earn his affection, someone like his father would awaken his spite. Signor Morandi had simply never made an effort to understand his son’s motivations, unlike Janus. If he was a cynic, Patton was a victim to his own good intentions. 

“I do not understand”. 

“Lady Renata Regio is alive”. 

“Oh”. 

“Yes, it is most fortunate, you will no longer have to stay inside and miss the festival”. 

“Well, father, I am not sure if that is appropriate, her ladyship must be feeling poorly after such a horrid experience. Perhaps it is best if I stay in and promptly send a letter to help soothe her”. 

“Patton, it honours you to be willing to put the weak’s suffering before yours, but it is not needed in this case. You do not have to concern yourself with her. I am afraid that she is safe and sound on the account of having planned her own kidnapping. Lady Renata Regio has joined the pirates bringing disgrace upon her family, the wretched woman”. 

Yes! Janus thought. Neither the wardrobe nor the entire room could contain his joy at hearing it. 

“That is most unfortunate, should I reassure her family that I do not hold any resentment towards them?” 

“It would be no good, there is going to be a scandal!” Signor Morandi sounded too happy. 

Janus could not help but to smile a little.

“Are we going to pursue any retaliation?” Janus almost saw Patton shudder in the tone he used. “I do not think it necessary, it is a matter of marriage, although important, there are many other options that--” 

“Yes, there are many other women to pursue, that is the spirit! In said spirits, I must inform you of the most wonderful news I have just received”. 

What? 

“Today a trusted servant from the Regio estate arrived at our home”. 

“Yes, Virginia Fusco”, of course, Patton knew her name. “I personally received her, she refused to tell me exactly why she was sent here, also insisted to wait to talk to you”. 

“Precisely, well, it turns out she is the personal servant of Lady Romina Regio”. 

“The eldest of the twin daughters of the Regio?” 

“Indeed. Let me be frank with you son, the Regio know they cannot keep the true actions of their lesser daughter hidden forever, a rumour is meant to surface eventually. This is very unfortunate for them, I have heard they were planning to match Lady Romina with a higher member of the nobility. Her sister’s actions have ruined her chances, it is unlikely that whoever was to marry her will accept such a union. My son, you know I always have your best interests in mind, Lady Renata Regio was a fine choice to provide you with connections to nobility. In turn, her family would have got access to our wealth, which, after their losses in the war, they need”. 

Oh no. 

“This being the circumstances, they have to choose how to align themselves in the future and what would be more advantageous to the family”. 

“Shit” Janus said under his breath. 

“We are about to reach an agreement for a marriage between Lady Romina Regio and you. I need you to understand that, if you are to accept, you will have to face some troubles, at least initially. The rumours about Lady Renata’s motivations may taint your reputation for a short while and the Regio’s rush to marry off Lady Romina will raise more rumours”. 

“What choice would please you the most?” 

“Oh, Patton, you idiot”. 

“The union could make your child a count, you could potentially obtain a title depending on how we negotiate with the family. It is my wish that you accept this marriage”. 

“Will this bring honour to our family?” 

“Certainly”. 

“Then…” an air of doubt went through Patton’s voice. 

Janus was debating whether or not to burst out of the closet, either to tell him to refuse or to scold him for not accepting immediately what was probably the best opportunity of his life. 

“Of course I will accept”. 

“You make me very happy and proud, my son. I will meet with the servant girl to send her back with a letter requesting to meet with Lord Regio”. 

The words were spoken carelessly. Signor Morandi often did that around his son, not knowing how many times he had been overheard by him. He may be a great man by society’s standards, but he could never be a good man. 

Janus slumped against the back of the wardrobe, surrounded by pieces of clothing he could never afford. There was a world in which Patton had refused. But Patton hadn’t been left a real choice, so he could find some comfort in knowing this thing between the two had to end due to him being backed into a corner. Better than having Patton’s morals come between them. That, he would never reconcile with. 

This was better than before. Being cast away for something as mundane as marriage, no matter the useful connections involved, was one thing, being left for a countess, well, if that’s what it took to refuse him he wouldn’t complain too much. 

He would have preferred a marchioness or a duchess. 

He would have preferred to be the only thing standing in between Patton and kingship and still win. 

He would definitely prefer it if Signor Morandi was to accidentally fall down a flight of stairs on his way to writing his pesky letter. 

There was nothing like a fire to persuade someone, even a countess… 

But Patton would be upset. 

His hawk screeched from the roofs above. Then footsteps rushed to his side, followed by candlelight flooding the inside of the closet. 

Patton had no right to look so humble yet so marvellous. Not even the warmth of the flame could rival with that of his gaze. A gaze that was his’, not of any countess. But, still, a gaze that deserved to become a count. 

“Janus…” 

Honey clogging up his ears, that was the shape of a whisper. 

“I suppose”, he shook off the dust of his cape and held his head up with dignity, “this is when we part. I’d love to say it’s a pity, but we saw it coming. Guess it was nice to enjoy it while it lasted. I’m always a letter away, my dear, that countess of yours wouldn’t ever find out”.

This was the bitter taste of selflessness. He never understood how Patton enjoyed it. 

Janus turned around, ready to make his merry way out of Villa Morandi or fall off the balcony properly this time. Suddenly, Patton’s armed chained the two of them to their spot in the room. Patton’s chest heaved pitifully in a mockery of a hiccup. 

“I’m sorry. What was I supposed to do? There was no other choice. I didn’t wish to upset you. Please--” 

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

He promptly let him go. 

“I…”

Janus turned back to face him.

“You think crying will make this easier? Do you seriously think I enjoy this? I would gladly rob you of everything and have you entirely to myself. It is taking so much self-restraint to not get your father into a tragic accident, my dear. If anything, you’re making it worse by crying. I am doing this for you. Don’t you dare ruin the one honourable thing I will do in my life”. 

“How can I pretend to be happy when you’re leaving?” 

There were sparks of light encased in his tears. Something about their ironic beauty left him even more heart-broken. 

“What am I going to do, then? I can be selfish to an extent, but I cannot take the rest of your life too. You’re being offered a title and a wife, all the things someone at your level could wish for. Don’t be more of an imbecile, keep it. It is already inappropriate for you to be seen with the likes of me, and it’s even worse with me being a man”. 

“You’ve never cared about that”. 

“But you do! Let resume, dear”, he tried to say in his most condescending voice. It didn’t sound even remotely like it. “You go to church each Sunday, you have five bibles just in this room and the most sincere good-samaritan complex I have ever seen. I know you can’t bear to live in sin”. 

“I can’t bear to live without you either!”

Oh, Patton, you fool, silly, ridiculous man…

  “What…” he felt as if he was going crazy. 

A chuckle escaped through the spaces in between his teeth. Janus looked downwards and whispered. 

“What are you saying?” 

This self-consciousness, he had never felt anything like it before. Was he blushing? 

“I love you… I know it’s wrong, so why doesn’t it feel like it?” 

More honey. What a way for his plan to backfire.

“This is ridiculous, you should be concerning yourself with more important--” 

Patton placed the back of his hand under his jaw to raise his head with such gentleness... stupid. 

“Is it ridiculous when it’s making you cry like this?”

A compassionate man’s tears were not worth his. He had never been as sure as now that this was a mistake. Yet he longed for him more than ever. 

“Of course not” he wiped away his tears feigning some kind of dignity. 

As quickly as ever, he also pretended to regain his composure. 

“Do you have any sort of plan for what you’re going to do next? Under pressure, you’re a terrible improviser, my love”.  

“Well...I can’t let you go. I know as much. I should, for my family, father, my honour. But I will not. You’ve shown me that acting selfishly doesn’t make someone evil. I will find a way to fulfil my duty without giving you up, you have my word”.

[dailybeastarsthings]

Chapter 6 - A Wind Of Change

The Grim Reaper and a distressed mistress were running quickly through the dark forest. As they were moving, branches and leaves kept brushing them wildly as if they were trying to hold them captive until the chasers would eventually reach and capture them both.

‘Why are they chasing me, Grim Reaper?’ the mistress asked.

‘Because you were supposed to have died three days ago” the Reaper said without even looking back.

Suddenly, the Reaper flung his sword and cut one of their chasers in half. The poor soulless demon let out a lifeless sigh before its death.

‘Water, Wind, Fire… The forces of nature all want you dead.’

‘Then… These entities are a part of them?’

‘Yes… This is a fight against fate.’

Our heroes were cornered. As the demons were closing in, the Reaper hid the mistress behind his cape to protect her. He took out his sword and looked their enemies in the eye.

‘Stay behind me. Killing you… is my job. Until then, I won’t let anyone lay a finger on you.’

And with that the Reaper lunged out to fight!

‘Okay, that’s it for Scene 15. We will now take a break’ said Sanu, the president of the Drama Club, shattering the tension into a million pieces. Sanu was a third-year Pelican student in Cherryton Academy. He was elected to be president just as he became a second-year but has known many of the members from way before. He used to be a background actor in many plays but never appeared again after becoming president. He always made sure to let the creativity and emotions flow freely in the club while maintaining its integrity and improving the relationships of the members.

‘What? Why, Sanu?’ Louis asked with audible dismay in his tone. ‘We’ve never taken a break in a rehearsal before.’

‘Oh… Well, it’s just going to be 30…’ he swallowed his words after seeing Louis’ expression ‘I… I mean 15 minutes.’

Sanu walked up on stage to Louis. He leaned close to him and started whispering.

‘You know, Louis, we’ve known each other for a long time now. I can tell that your movements are... how should I put this… a bit stale. Are you feeling well?’

‘Quit whispering Sanu. I’m perfectly fine.’ Louis replied. He then turned to the other members present on stage. ‘This performance is the most important part of the New Student Welcome Event. We need to show all of the new students the importance of the Drama Club, so we have no time to worry about our physical condition’ he said while he wiped the sweat off his forehead and neck with his towel.

Louis hanged his towel on his antler then bent over a bit, to rest a little. He turned his head towards the other students on the stage and glared at them with flaming irritation in his eyes.

‘Next time attack me like you mean it. I’m a deer as Adler, and you’re all carnivores, attacking Adler with the intent to kill. That’s what we are going to portray when we get on stage, so we need to be as fierce as we possibly can.’

Taking advantage of the break, Louis walked backstage to relax his foot a little. It was still sore and while the medications were certainly helping, the fact that he didn’t put on his bandages in order to avoid any awkward questions definitely didn’t help. He was in a lot of pain. He could feel his ankle pulsating, radiating the pain from the injury to nearby areas as well. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t.

‘Sanu is right… My movements are not perfect this time. I can’t put too much weight on my leg if I want to avoid any further problems. However, a perfect performance is expected from me, so I’ll give them just that. Even if it means that I’ll hurt my leg even more!’ he thought.

He suddenly heard Sanu’s voice.

‘All right everyone, break is over, we’re beginning from Scene 16!’

And with that, Louis put on his act of being completely fine and went back on stage to play his other part, Adler, the Grim Reaper.

***

Meanwhile, the stage crew was busy making the finishing touches on the costumes backstage.

‘What? A break from rehearsal? We’ve never had a break before!’ Dom said with surprise in his voice.

Dom was a third-year peafowl student. He was the leader of the Drama Club’s stage crew. Although he was a long-time member, he never had any ambitions on becoming an actor nor the president of the club. He was always perfectly fine with sewing costumes. He had great talent at it. His costumes always turned out to be vibrant and lively – and yet, comfortable. He had aspirations on becoming a fashion designer in the future.

‘Well yeah, but I haven’t heard all the details. Kibi hurried me because the boxes we were carrying were really heavy’ Legoshi said.

‘Yeah, but Louis is always excited when the performance is coming close. I can’t even imagine how frustrated he must have been’ Kibi, an ant eater member said.

As the conversation was going on, Kai’s face – who was directed to be part of the stage crew instead of the acting crew – became more and more red by the second. Deep down he was still sure that he should’ve been approved as Tem’s replacement as he knew the script by heart and had way more practice in acting than Zoe.

‘Damn it!’ he yelled ‘I was supposed to be rehearsing with all of them, not sewing in this dark place!’

‘Oh, Kai, I think you have a good sense of design. I’m happy that you’re part of the stage crew’ Dom said with a soft smile on his face.

‘Oh… Really? Do you mean it?’ Kai asked excited.

‘Of course!’

In the meantime, Legoshi was digging for some extra yarn in a box next to him, when he suddenly found a white and gold vest, which was part of Tem’s costume.

‘This is Tem’s costume’ he said. The others looked at him in surprise. ‘What should I do with it?’ he continued.

‘Well…’ Fudge, the red panda began ‘We can’t just keep it here forever, you know.’

‘Look, Legoshi, Tem is dead so it’d be creepy if we still kept it around!’ Kai yelled at him in frustration. Legoshi’s ears drooped.

‘Tem was killed and devoured by one of the carnivore students in this school’ Legoshi thought. ‘That is the biggest taboo an animal can commit in this world. That’s why none of the others want to dwell on that incident. There’s a bottomless pit of darkness lurking in this world. Now I understand the meaning of what Louis said. The meaning of why he is acting so fiercely as Adler. He must be the one, who is confronting the reality of that incident the most. He has the ambition to be the next Beastar, so he needs to take center stage in the world of carnivores and herbivores. I can’t even imagine the pressure he must…’ his thought was interrupted.

‘Legoshi! Legoshi!’ Dom yelled at him. ‘Were you listening?’

‘Oh! Umm… Yeah!’

‘You were spacing out again, weren’t you?’

‘Maybe…’ Legoshi said, while looking to the side. His ears drooped a little, too.

‘All right, well, we were talking about bringing flowers from the Gardening Club. I want to use roses as the motif for the final act and decorate the assembly hall and entrance, too. Look.’

Dom held up a drawing of what he imagined. It was beautiful. Large bouquets of red and white roses – ones with only a singular color, others mixed together to symbolize the two sides of the play, good and evil. It looked wonderful and grand – and Legoshi believed that it would’ve smelled amazing, too!

‘There should be plenty of roses in the Gardening Club, and I want you to help’ Dom said.

‘You mean… with decorating?’ Legoshi asked.

‘That and with getting the roses from the Club.’

‘Are you sure that I should go? I mean, this whole incident and all… I don’t want to scare anyone…’

‘I think you should’ Kibi said. ‘You’re a second-year high school student, so you ought to improve your social skills.’

‘Well, okay then. But you’ll have to come with me, too.’

The Gardening Club was a long walk from the Drama Club, since it was on the rooftop of a building at the other end of the school. While Legoshi had no problem walking such distances at high speeds, Kibi had to jog alongside him, if he wanted to keep up with him. By the time they were climbing the steps to the rooftop, Kibi was already exhausted.

‘Was it absolutely necessary for me to come with you?’ Kibi asked almost breathless.

‘Sorry, but I think the members would be scared to see a lone wolf asking for flowers’ Legoshi said.

There were only a few steps until the end. When they got to the top, they were greeted by a large green iron door. It had rust around the frame and near the doorknob. The building definitely had to face water damage a good few times.

‘I never knew there was a garden on the rooftop’ Legoshi said, while reading the sign on the door, which said ‘Gardening Club’.

‘It’s probably not well-known among carnivores. It’s a pretty plain club anyway. They rarely appear publically. They only sell flowers at events and festivals.’

As Legoshi was reaching for the doorknob, he became aware of a very familiar smell. But how did he know it? Why did he notice it? It suddenly sparked the memory in his mind. The smell belonged to the student he almost devoured just yesterday!

‘I have to get out of here, quick!’ he thought.

‘Wait, that smell is…’ Legoshi said but he was interrupted by Kibi.

‘Probably the flowers. Pretty amazing isn’t it! Well… let me just go ahead and open the door.’

As the door opened, a beautiful view of a thousand colorful flowers of all shapes, kinds and sizes greeted them. Under an arch near the entrance, a small white rabbit was holding a hose, watering the plants around the area. Legoshi recognized her at an instant. It was the rabbit girl he attacked. It was Haru. When she heard the steps, she closed the water and looked at her visitors.

‘Hello. Do you need something?’ Haru asked, smiling softly.

Legoshi was still in shock. His heart was beating fast and he began to sweat. He couldn’t believe that their paths crossed once again. But one thing was sure: he entered a place, which he should have never gone to. It was heaven… in hell…

[truetgirl]

A bard girl... Angelic... I made the model while screwing around and then went to make a backstory. Figured it’d be a little nothing. I’m putting it under the cut because some unknown thing in me hijacked my fingers and this came out.

It is an exceedingly odd way to grow up, being the child of courtiers to a regional noble. You aren't really noble yourself, but you certainly don't feel you have much in common with regular commoners, so your social circle, especially as a child, is very limited indeed. It would be odd enough if you'd turned out to be a normal human, let alone if you had a priest declare after your birth that you were a gift from the gods themselves. Let alone if your parents then used that auspicious omen to climb at court. My parents, advisors as they then became to our gracious patron, never had much time to spend with me. I spent many, many hours huddled in my room or in a private corner of the library, reading and fantasizing about a life of excitement and what friendship must be like.

Eventually, I took to writing. It was a natural step once I started to run out of books in the library. I wrote simply for fun at first, poetry mostly. But, as I practiced and refined my craft, I started to wonder if maybe, one day, I could tell stories like the ones that had kept me company for so many years. I began to seek an audience, to see what others would think of my work. It took some months, not being very well practiced at the time in talking to other people and having gained something a reputation around court as the strange, cloistered girl that was apparently some divine gift, but eventually I found a few other young ladies of the court to hear my first tale. It wasn't a groundbreaking story by any means, a tale of knightly valor and the slaying of beasts, but it was, to my delight, a crowd-pleaser.

Over the next few years, as I grew into a "proper" young lady at court and honed my skills of storytelling for an ever expanding audience, I attracted all kinds of attention. My parents finally seemed to have some time for me, I made friends among the various ladies in waiting to the higher nobility, I took up work in an official capacity as a chronicler by day and entertainer in the evenings, and it seemed I had even attracted the attention of the young heir to the house, a boy about my age by the name of Lanno.

I was uneasy with  Lanno's advances at first. I'd never received attention of that variety, and wasn't sure what to think or feel. When my mother found out about the boy's interest, she began to "encourage" me to at least act as though I reciprocated. My mother, ever the political climber, clearly saw the opportunity for our family to marry into nobility. Most of my friends were no help either, seeming utterly confused that I would be unsure about the advances of a promising and handsome young scion such as Lanno. Only my best friend, Trisha, seemed sympathetic to my uncertainty.

Trisha had been a companion even in my early, cloistered days in the library. Her father, being the court wizard, had encouraged her from an early age to pursue learning in any way she could. As such, we often ended up in the library together. We almost never spoke to one another until we were in our early teens. When we did start talking, it was because we'd both eaten through our usual sections of the library and wanted advice on good starting points in the others. Through her I gained an appreciation for history, and through me she learned the appeal of tales of chivalry and romance.

We'd grown closer since I began making strides at court and she'd begun officially apprenticing under her father in the arcane arts. We found solace in one another, an understanding we didn't seem to get elsewhere. And, much as when we were children, we shared our love of learning; but this time as teachers rather than readers. I taught her about the crafting of stories and the structure of poetry, and in return she taught me the fundamentals of magic her father had taught to her. Soon I found that by concentrating as she had showed I could make objects blaze with supernatural light. Trisha was shocked, as the small spell she had shown me could do many things, but it couldn't do that. After several theories, Trisha remembered that supposed omen of divine favor when I was born, and hearing her say it I believed for the first time that it may be true.

I asked Trisha what she thought I ought to do about Lanno's advances. She was unusually evasive when I asked directly, trying to avoid the conversation and talk of other things, refusing to meet my gaze, and seeming very nervous. When I insisted that I needed advice she answered, in the coldest tone she had ever used with me, that it would certainly be a fine way to advance me standing. She avoided me for about a week after that, and I couldn't understand why.

In any event, with seemingly nobody telling me I shouldn't reciprocate Lanno's advances and so many pushing me to do exactly that, I began to spend time with him. We ate meals together, he attended my performances, we would take walks of the grounds together, and all manner of other things.

This went on for a few months, and during that time Trisha did not speak to me at all. I wondered what I had done wrong, but I never had long to myself to think on it at that point, now that I was getting properly involved in court politics through Lanno. Soon enough, his parents and mine made official arrangements for us to be married. We never really fell in love the way I'd seen so many times in stories when i was young, but I just assumed that was because the real world wasn't so pleasant as those stories.

After nearly a year of my marriage with Lanno, things went wrong. At a state dinner it was mentioned to the visiting dignitaries that I had been declared a blessed child the day I was born. One of these visitors took the statement very seriously, and demanded proof. Panicked, I produced light like I'd learned when Trisha taught me about magic, but that was not enough. The visitor, some kind of holy knight apparently, insisted that any two-bit mage could do that. With no other way to prove anything and not even fully convinced I had anything real to prove, I fled the room in shame and fear of the man's anger.

Lanno came to find me in our room after dinner. He asked why I was so distraught, and I explained how I had never really believed I could be some heaven-sent gift. He was dismayed, so I tried to make him understand, and after several minutes of increasingly heated discussion he blurted out that I had better be what the priests said or this whole marriage was a waste. I pressed him on that, and painstakingly extracted an explanation from him about how he had only courted me because he and his parents believed divine blood would strengthen their family line. He also told me that most of the other courtiers only humored me and my performances because they had assumed earlier I was likely to be the next lady of the house and now knew for sure. Feeling a pain in my chest I'd never known before, tears pouring down my face, I ran. I ran from my own room with no idea where I was going until I arrived at Trisha's chambers.

Trisha looked at first glance as though she intended to turn me away as she had for the last year, but her face softened instantly when she saw the state of me. She quickly ushered me in and sat me down. She brought me some tea and, once I had control of my voice again and could hold back the tears, I explained what had happened. Once I had finished we sat in silence for a long moment, and then she leaned across the low table and kissed me. She was gentle, calming, and the contact with her made my heart leap for joy. All at once I finally understood that love like it was in the stories did exist, I had just been in the wrong place for it.

When we, much to my disappointment, pulled apart, she leaned her forehead against mine and confessed that she had been in love with me since she was old enough to really understand what love was. That she loved my stories and my poems and my fierce love of learning and my laugh and my eyes... That she hadn't been able to stand seeing me with Lanno, no matter how good for my future it would surely be. I could hardly think, but I felt myself say that I loved her too, and then leaned in for another kiss, drawing her into an embrace.

For a few perfect moments we sat there in each other's arms, but the moment was shattered as Lanno opened the door and found us there. Believing that I had been putting on a show to break things off in favor of Trisha, he called for guards to seize us both. We were accused of carrying on an affair, and while Trisha's father managed to use his considerable position as the court wizard to save Trisha, my position and that of my parents was greatly diminished, and they could not save me from being banished from court.

My marriage dissolved, life in tatters, and my best friend... Possibly the love of my life? Now out of reach, I set off. I've wandered ever since, performing stories for coin anywhere that would take me and discovering new ways to leverage the tiny bits of magic Trisha showed me via my creative flow. I have no idea where I'm going with this life now, and I cannot imagine it will ever be fulfilling without her...

PERSONALITY TRAITS

I always want to know how things work and what makes people tick.

I’m full of witty aphorisms and have a proverb for every occasion.

I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right. I can’t help it—I’m a perfectionist.

IDEALS

Generosity. My talents were given to me so that I could use them to benefit the world.

Aspiration. I work hard to be the best there is at my craft.

BONDS

The world is full to bursting with history and stories. If I can contribute to that great canon, then my life was worth something.

One day, somehow, I have to see her again.

FLAWS

I suffer from great anxiety both about my work and because I believe nobody could possibly respect me.

I'm good at appearing sociable but don't really understand the finer details of how it works.

[neworoldnews]

If your attention was ever caught by a fascinating theme, you know the feeling of being sucked into a mental dialogue.

Your inner voice, usually wandering on its aimless distractions, suddenly clicks! Dropping through a vortex of questions that curiosity begs to scratch.

This synchronised state of mind is rarely triggered during our daily tasks. So when it kicks, you are pumped with a focus strong enough to keep you wondering for hours. The Perception-high.

You mostly navigate in a pre-digested world, seeing what you would expect to see. Conditioned by predispositions, past experiences or hurried backup-conclusions.

Imagine perception as a color. The full rainbow representing the Object and each color a possible Perspective:

This is the perfect metaphor. Just like color is a brain’s hack to help you navigate, and not a property of the object itself, so your conditionings keep you moving in an otherwise overwhelming environment.

This eases decision making and enables action in an otherwise infinity of ponderation.

The mind reinforces the lessons you’ve gathered and the natural tendencies you have. It then paints the world according to your position at the rainbow.

When you look at something, you are actually throwing your colours at it and gazing back at the reflection. Imprisoned by a bubble of your own echo, moulded by imperfect barriers that guide your way into practicality.

Often, not aware of this colourful spectrum, we keep confusing our simplistic representations with the things in itself. The world stretches through our eyes so widely that is hard to notice our frontiers within it.

Just like someone before Newton wouldn’t see gravity in a fallen apple, who has never fallen in love will be blind to the colours of Romeo & Juliet:

The book is open, the apple cracks against the ground. Yet the observer will place the respective color in front of the object, collecting no more than a monochromatic representation. “God wanted the apple to fall”, colorises the priest; “what a teenage angst thing to do, Romeo”, scribbles the unlovable.

Think about the most practical and material-oriented person you know. Now picture her/him starting to drive. Imagine them becoming aware of the noises in the engine. Is it possible that this thought crossed their mind?

“The little noises it makes, it’s telling me what to do. For my whole life those were just random noises, but turned out to be instructions all along!”

Observation highs vary hugely in degree. They can be subtle, adding a little nuance to an existing colour. Or drastic, adding a whole new pigment to the palette.

You’ve been excited about becoming aware of something you were previously blind to before. Now compare that feeling with a man getting his mind blown by seeing colors for the first time [here’s a video].

Now compare that with the moment Einstein saw Time as another dimension, changing the colour spectrum for humanity.

Sure, most of us will never dream of such an intense revelation. But no matter the gradient of these perceptions, pleasure and admiration will always be aroused.

It’s about freedom. Novelty! To escape the circle of seeing what you would expect to see is to stand above a new landscape. To contemplate old sights with a renewed eye. It’s being a tourists to everything.

If you want to better master observation, and fix a dose of that sweet Perception High, you must realize how much your conditionings affect the impressions you gather.

Understand your mind-mold

The framework in which your mind operates is a complex interplay of psychological representations and social conditionings. These are the things that compose your colour.

To become aware of your mindset its helpful to play with some questions first. Let’s start small, with an experiment:

Think about riding a bicycle to work tomorrow. Allow yourself to reflect on the way you reason while answering these questions:

Check my emotional pulse. Have I intuitively made up my mind before pondering?

How did I tackled it, “why not” or “why would I”? How can that be a byproduct of my education?

Can I attach a fear to my decision-making? What fear would that be?

Is my analysis based on hopes or dislikes? Can those hopes be achieved or those dislikes avoided by my present self?

Is there any stereotype or belief on my thought process? What is it?

This is important because it put you in a original position. Like stretching for your eyes, preparing you to see.

Henrique Pousão was a naturalistic painter who deeply understood the power of learning how to see. To patiently allow the eye to catch up with every side, to delay judgment and isolate the different impulses that suggest a conclusion.

For him observation was in itself an act of Creation.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT HIS PAINTING:

This young boy, joyfully staring at us with mellow eyes, resting from the stillness of posing, may be one of the most iconic, yet ignored, symbols regarding Observation-Creation.

It’s amazing how natural the pictured moment is.

The scene couldn’t be less pretentious, the studio is perfectly ordinary, the kid sits in a relaxed and childish way, even the working environment is somewhat mild.

It looks like you just walked in the middle of the action. Your presence caused an Interruption, so you are caught by a delightful smile and two proud eyes staring for approval.

In fact, this painting is all about Interruptions.

The boy stops posing to show you his own version of himself, drawn on a little piece of paper. Behind him, on the canvas, is the painter’s sketch for the child’s picture.

So, how many painting are here, and what can they teach us about Observation?

1 — The Child’s Sketch

The boy shows no respect for the ritual of painting.

Turning his back on the canvas while breaking his pose, the child interrupts the painter to show a rippled piece of paper. He doesn’t do it out of malice nor ignorance, but out of a light-hearted disregard for convention.

Why show reverence to something just because it’s drawn in a proper canvas? Why not be proud of a piece of paper if it’s saturated with the same matter as the masterpieces: Pure Creativity.

The Child doesn’t aspire to rebel against anything, there is no duty in his creation. But the force he is driven by shows no mercy to authority, it is empowered by the value of curiosity and excitement in itself.

All principles are new and noble, all approaches worth considering. “Truth” is but a toy to be played with, open to amusing construction, while ideas are molded, tossed, mixed and joint like pieces of LEGO.

Nothing is too absurd, nothing is too serious, nothing is too evident!

It there was not a child in our way to Perception High, then Galileo Galilei would never have dropped balls from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, disclaming the solemn Aristotelian theory of gravity.

Never would Hennig Brand boild his own piss to discover phosphorus, or would anyone conceive the idea of a cat being both alive and dead at the same time.

It’s all about the freedom, the innocence, to level all that was thought and seen to a common ground where new values and concepts can flourish.

Interrupting authority, fuelled by Pure Creativity.

2 — The Canvas Draft

The draft presents a perfected version of the boy, nobler and more beautiful.

His wide potato nose is portrayed as small and delicate. The hat on top of his ragged clothes even seem aristocratic. His meditative head rests upon a steady hand. There is an overall feeling of idealisation

Somewhere, right now, there’s some small group of people working in a garage, dreaming about, if every single thing goes smoothly, changing the world.

Some eventually will. If Apple, Google or Microsoft had never dreamed of the most positive possible scenario, then how could they have aspired to be what they’ve become?

While playing with an idea, feel free to extend it into it’s most extreme scenario. Elaborate a whole mental experiment, or invent completely new laws and models.

The painter interrupts the boundaries of reality to go beyond the limits of his physical theme.

This is when you don’t think about how things are, but question about how things could be.

That thought functions as an arrow, pointing to a distant bright destiny that you ought to follow. At the dawn of agriculture, a man envisioning a golden field of wheat. A revolting slave dreaming of equality. A deaf scientist wishing to hear…

Though the complete opposite is also relevant.To warning us about just how bad something can become.

These are the so-called Utopias and Dystopias, and they are both a great compass and magnifying glass, when operated by Idealization.

3 — Henrique Pousão’s Painting

There was a moment when Pousão understood he would not be satisfied with what he was portraying.

That he would be missing something if he kept on painting the initial, sketched, version of the child’s portrait. So he Interrupted it.

Seeking the noble beauty he had first envisioned would cost him authenticity. By pursuing the classic canon, the stylised portrait that is set to elevate Art from the mundane (with its picturesque backgrounds and romanticised beauty) Pousão would then be blind to the real boy.

Blind to a shy smile concealed by proud eyes. He would never notice the elegance with which the child’s ragged, old, shoes touch the ground like a ballerina. And the chance to capture a manner so subtle, so enriched with truth, would be lost.

Roar back at the loud command of expectations. Both your own and all others. Understand that you also take part in shaping the concepts that are so often taken as truth.

Doing so widens possibility. Look beyond present conventions and morals. Shape this structure, because it will eventually also change your own views in a loop. Society is an ever mutable cycle of transformation. Check any history book.

The ability to sacrifice one’s present vision and opinion is the great virtue of adaptability. To be always permeable, taking pride in once being wrong and honouring not being sure of anything.

Embracing reality in its full scope, even when contradictory or hurtful, is to be synchronised with its complexity.

Facing ugliness with a wholesome disposition is what got us using Viruses, infectious agents responsible for taking countless lives, to Cure such diseases as cancer.

4 — Your Observation as a Painter

Though the paint didn’t move, the painting has changed. It’s no longer the one you’ve first seen. It has been painted over.

For every new observation a pigment has been added. colours been deepened and shapes widen.

In any sport, game or activity, enjoyment consists in taking part, is being committed to imprint your individuality, feeling and being engaged.

You stood, facing the canvas, in the position of a Painter. Ready to pick up the brush Pousão so thoughtfully left within your reach at the left of the canvas. Reminding that it up to you to give colour to any observation.

Facing the fact that we are painters of our impressions is as empowering as liberating. It offers the world as a palette to explore, strengthening our ties with everything and setting observation as an act of creation.

In a strange way the freedom granted for painters, to enthusiastically and with imagination depict their views, don’t set them apart from reality.

Quite the contrary, it allows them a stronger connection and sensibility with it, as it promotes inquiry and critical sense. The absolute contrary of Apathy, the great responsible for neglecting one’s relation to knowledge.

If you weren’t a painter, then Pousão’s masterpiece would have a painting less: Yours, an ever-changing piece.

There is no such thing as empty things or people. Just elements filled with something you haven’t yet learned to see.

By keeping in check Pousão’s lessons things appear less solid and more like an interplay of invisible fabrics. A tissue of colours filled with nuance, waiting to be experienced from every angle.

If everyone is looked at as a painter, then discussions are more fluid, people more tolerant, observation more engaging, and things just a lot more interesting to look at.

Do you remember becoming aware of something you were blind to? What?