#like. i Know I'm overthinking this i Know it's irrational but. i'm just so hurt by the fact that i hurt him

[thestarsaboveme]

Reader thinks the Lads men are cheating with MC

masterlist

this was a request from a kind anon.

summary: angst with comfort, reader and lads men having a misunderstanding because reader is overthinking that they’re cheating on her with the mc since they always spend time with the mc and spending less time with the reader.

xavier ver. | rafayel ver. | zayne ver. | caleb ver.

sylus x reader | angst/comfort

You were used to Sylus being quiet.

Not cold. Just…quiet.

So when his messages started getting shorter, when his gaze didn't linger as long on yours, when his kissed turned into brushes of habit more than affection, you didn't notice right away.

Until it started to hurt.

-

You saw them again.

Sylus and MC in the lab.

Her laughter reached you before their voices did. Sylus stood beside her, arms crossed, watching her monitor as she demonstrated something. He wasn't smiling. But he also wasn't pulling away like he did with most people. He was listening. Engaged.

You waited for him to notice you.

He didn't.

After ten minutes of watching from the hallway, you left.

-

Are you free tonight?

You messaged him later.

We haven't spent time together in a while.

He didn't reply for two hours.

Can't. Late testing with MC. Tomorrow?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. It was always tomorrow.

-

You told yourself you were being irrational. That he'd always been closer to MC, given their compatibility, their shared background, their synced missions. This his loyalty ran deeper than words, and if he was cheating, you'd know, right?

But your gut twisted every time you saw them together. Every time he mentioned her like she was another heartbeat.

And tonight, as you sat alone in your room again, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

You called him.

He answered on the second ring, voice calm. ''Hey. Everything okay?''

''No,'' you said, and your voice cracked more than you meant it to. ''Can you come over?''

A pause. ''Now?''

''I need to talk to you, Sylus. Please.''

A longer pause. Then: ''I'm on my way.''

-

When he arrived twenty minutes later, he looked tired. Dark circles under his eyes. His hair slightly disheveled from running his fingers through it too many times. He took one look at your expression and stepped in without a word.

You stood by the couch, arms folded across your chest.

He said nothing at first, just watched you. Waiting. Patient.

That made it harder.

''Are you cheating on me with MC?''

The words came out like broken glass.

Sylus blinked. No dramatic reaction. No flinch. Just stilness.

Then a slow, quiet, ''No.''

You let out a shaky breath. ''Then why does it feel like you're never here anymore? Why does it feel like you replaced me with her?''

Still calm, he asked, ''Is that what you think I've done?''

''I don't know what to think, Sylus!'' you snapped, voice rising. ''You've been with her constantly. You talk about her like she's in your head all the time.'' You make time for her, not me. And I sit here, waiting like I'm some background character you forgot about.''

He stepped forward slowly. ''You're not.''

''Then explain it to me,'' you whispered. ''Because I'm tired of guessing where I stand with you.''

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Quietly, heavily.

''There's nothing going on between me and MC,'' he said. ''But I haven't made that clear. That's on me.''

You swallowed hard. ''Then why have you been so distant?''

He hesitated, then moved to sit on the edge of the couch, elbows resting on his knees. Not his usual posture. He looked vulnerable. Smaller, somehow.

''I've been working with MC on some dangerous tech,'' he said slowly. ''There were…anomalies in her readings. We thought they were unstable. I needed to make sure she was okay.''

You frowned. ''So you were protecting her?''

''I was doing my job. I was trying to prevent another incident. Something like what happened to me.'' He looked up then, eyes locking onto yours. ''And I didn't want you anywhere near it.''

You hesitated. ''Why not tell me that?''

He looked away again. ''Because if you knew, you'd want to help. You'd want to be involved. And I couldn't handle the thought of something happening to you.''

Silence fell between you.

You sat beside him on the couch, not touching.

''You think keeping me in the dark is protecting me?''

''I thought I could carry it all without hurting you,'' he said. ''But I was wrong.''

You exhaled. ''You made me feel like you were slipping away. Like I was being replaced by someone who understands you better.''

His jaw tightened. ''No one understands me like you do.''

You met his eyes again. ''Then why couldn't you just say that?''

He stared at you for a long time.

And finally, he said, ''Because you're the only person who makes me feel like I'm still human. Like I'm more than what I was built to do. And that scares me more than anything.''

Your heart clenched.

''Sylus…''

''I'm not used to needing someone,'' he admitted. ''But I need you. And I didn't know how to say that without feeling like I was putting you in danger.''

''You're not,'' you whispered. ''You're just hurting both of us instead.''

He nodded, slowly. ''I know. I'm sorry.''

You reached out, brushing your fingers against his hand. He didn't move away.

''I don't want to be protected from your truth, Sylus,'' you said. '' I want to stand beside you, not behind you.''

he finally turned his hand over, letting your fingers intertwine.

''I can try,'' he said softly. ''If you'll let me fix this.''

You leaned into his shoulder, the silence between you no longer cold. But healing.

''I want to,'' you said. ''But next time…talk to me.''

''I will,'' he promised.

And somehow, in that quiet, broken space between heartache and hope, you began to believe him.

[yesornopolls]

This is not a yes/no poll but I don’t know who else to consult.

My parents and I are not close. I'm closer with my dad, but he doesn't know about any of my interests due to the way me and my sister were taught about 'privacy' growing up. I am not close with my mum at all and I only talk to her when I have to.

When me and my sister were growing up, we were not told any of our parents' interests/hobbies, and were always told not to look at what people were doing. I think this is what led us to both be so hidden(?) from our parents, and is why this problem exists in the first place.

My dad doesn’t really buy anything for me, nor does he try to learn about my interests (but he will listen when he does learn about them. He likes that I like stuff, he just doesn’t actively seek that information out). My mum is the one who will buy me things, but it’s gotten to the point where she is just buying me junk for the sake of trying to keep a relationship with me and then holding that fact over my head (I have told her to stop, she hasn’t).

I want to buy a few posters for my favourite show for my bedroom at my dads house (my parents are divorced). I currently do not have a credit/debit card as I lost it a few months ago, however I am going to go get a new one on the 18th of this month, but I would preferably like to place the order before school starts again (for reference, all these options are online orders).

I have a few options on how to acquire the posters, and I’m not sure how to go about it.

Ask my mum to buy them for me.

She will buy me things I don’t want related to this show for the next 10 years, even after I inevitably lose interest in it. She’ll also be extremely upset that I’m putting them up at my dad’s house, and not hers. However I don’t care about her opinion on my interests as much.

Ask my dad to buy them for me.

I do not want to do this one, purely because of the completely irrational fear I have that he’ll think the show is weird, or violent (again, completely irrational. He is the biggest nerd you’ll meet, he’s probably even watched the show before and enjoyed it. It’ll just be awkward and I’m an overthinker). His opinion means a lot to me, and although he’s supportive of me in every sense, I think he still views me as a little kid (I’m 18), hence why I’m worried to tell him about my interests. I do want him to know about my interests in the long term though, and I want to be able to tell him things about me and not be scared about it, but I’m not sure if diving headfirst into this is the right way to go about it (for my own sake).

Wait until the 18th and buy them myself.

This one would be fine, but I’m a little worried that my dad will be confused when they show up for me. He would also have to find out about the posters/my interests in a surprise! Kind of way, which is a little awkward and it might hurt his feelings that he wasn’t asked. This will also be after school starts again, which I would prefer to get them before then. However I think this is the option that’ll give me the least anxiety in the short-term, but probably more as I wait for them to arrive.

I have consulted my sister and she is no help whatsoever.

Thank you for reading this behemoth of an ask, and thank you for any advice you might have (and I understand if this is not submitted to the public as it's not a yes/no question).

[pureplaysgames]

Amnesia Memories ~Kent - Good Ending Walkthrough~

For this walkthrough you'll be able to achieve Kent's Good Ending.

**The "SAVES" in this guide corresponds to the "LOAD SAVES" from the Normal and Bad Ending guides, which can be found directly below.

Other Endings: Normal | Bad (2)

Recommended Route: Shin -> Ikki -> Kent -> Toma -> Ukyo

Prologue

I see a strange-looking kid... (or any choice)

No, I understood... (or any choice)

All right... (or any choice)

I appreciate it. (or any choice)

I think so. (or any choice)

You might be overthinking it... (or any choice)

Clover World

Before August 1

Orion...

I can't remember anything

(Choose all options)

Yes, let's hurry.

Right, let's hurry and look.

August 1

He might not be good at writing messages.

I should sit down for now.

SAVE 1

Please have a seat.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

1450 yen

Why did we walk all this way?

Good morning and good night are enough.

August 2

Would you like to take a walk to my work?

I wanted to watch the servers at the cafe

I came to borrow a manual

I'm not sure about going to a guy's house...

August 3

I'll try calling Kent

Would you like to talk?

What are you talking about...?

I'd like to go... but I can't, right?

August 4

And a good job to you too, Kent!

August 5

Yeah, I do feel sad about it

I'm looking forward to it!

August 6

I like that he sticks to his own way of life

August 7

Don't you want to talk about anything?

A coworker told me we're love rivals now.

What...?

You'll break up with me if you're tired of me?

August 8

What are you thinking, Kent?

...Maybe we should hold hands.

I do.

Yes, thank you

Thank you very much.

August 9

(Choose all options)

Are you calling me out of obligation?

I'll try the math workbook.

500m

19 times

In 53 days

26 minutes

334

That day will never come

50 times

About 39%

About 2 cm

Nobody knows

That's right

August 10

SAVE 2

No, I can't think of anything.

I don't dislike it, but it hurts.

August 11

It is a surprise...

August 12

I thought we were going to see the fireworks.

I just wanted to go with you...

Maybe you could hold me tighter?

I like the goldfish scoop stalls

August 13

Um, my boyfriend is Kent.

August 14

I would be a little curious

I'm with Kent right now...

Kent asked me

August 15

Okay, I'll try

August 16

Toma...

I want you to stay with me, Kent.

Did you prefer the past me?

August 17

I want to admit everything.

I don't mind if you misunderstand...

...

Just from the time we met the other day...

Um, could we hurry home?

August 18

...We'll walk home together.

...I'm sorry for trying to hide it.

I didn't want to be shut away in a hospital...

It's okay if I don't remember.

August 19

Um, I'm fine...

August 20

Will you believe me if I tell you something?

Is it okay if I remember?

August 21

Thank you, I'll stay over.

I'm lonely, too.

Love is irrational

August 22

No, that would be inappropriate...

August 23

Is it weird to like someone you disliked before?

August 24

It'll be fine, no matter what I remember.

There's also another message...

August 25

I'll go get his notes.

August 26

Thank you for apologizing.

Yes, please stay with me.

August 27

379 days

August 29

Okay, then I'll try.

Good Ending

[evreeone]

pbpbpbp

woke up and almost immediately started having a hard time woke up tired already with a lot of spinal pain and Overthinking and it kind of hurts to realize i am ending this year a bit worse than how i started both physically and like. As a Person. i'm not who i want to be, i was getting closer to how i wanted to be, but then it sort of all took a nose dive and i feel like a mostly unpleasant person on the general whole instead of a more welcoming presence. maybe that's me in my head, but i really do feel i've become more negative and gripy and whiny which is ironic because here i am griping and whining about it also Once Again reflecting on how little was accomplished this year. i feel bordering on absolutely nothing. i'm just really tired of being tired. tired of being in pain too. :[ i'm tired of having so many things i want to do and my chronic fatigue and chronic pain and failing health all taking up so much brain space i can't bring myself to focus enough to do anything else. i'm neglecting myself in some ways, i think. or, i know. but i've been trying really hard in others, like trying to eat better and be more physically active. but my body is still continuing to degrade to where i'm not sure how long i can continue to be active at all wish i had an answer for any of it but every time i think about how i haven't gotten an answer yet i think about how my dad was ignored and neglected by doctors until he ended up so far on death's door that he couldn't be brought back around, and only near the end did he finally get a diagnosis, and then i kind of spiral a bit which, i forgot i have an ongoing c***** scare [censored for my own sake, thinking about the word in relation to myself freaks me out so badly and there's this irrational fear that saying it directly will make it real] hanging over my head too which is not something to think about if i want my day to improve but here we are

[poppityy]

❀ Pansy n°7 = I'm "over"-everything.

To begin, yes, it is tiring. It’s impossibly tiring to be this prone to overwhelming. 

It never was a secret that I am an overthinker. Like my brain literally never f*cking stops, always fuming and reeling. It caused me too many insomnias - the images, sounds, memories and information in my head running and distorting without break. It’s insufferable.

Yet, that's not all. Sadly it is also difficult to survive overthinking on a daily basis. Especially in a social environment. My brain is just… dying. The world feels and seems constantly against me. I always think that everyone around me is watching and judging my every move. Looking out for the small moments when I’ll mess up and be cringe.

So it’s difficult to allow myself to act as I want because I feel like I will be judged and hated either way, never belonging to the unity. Like I am bound to stand out, to be left out by the social group. To try and avoid that, my brain analyzes everything and everyone but often is irrational. Because I over analyze how people see me, what they might think or feel; but in the end I am just projecting my fears onto them way too much. Yet, I end up stuck, struggling to fit in, alone up in my head thinking I’m not interesting, weird, not worth anyone’s time and hated by everyone.

Nice right ? :) 

My mind just tricks me to believe that I am the worst and cringiest person in the world. I have been told before that I question myself too much. In fact, I prefer to - and cannot help but - analyze every situation in which I could be the source of a problem before blaming the other party. I also try to find many excuses for others. Maybe I am too gullible and try too much to see the good in people, or that I’ve been used to caring for others before myself. The problem with this is that unconsciously I expect the same train of thought from others when most times it is not the case. Sadly, it ended up hurting me as it is easy for people to take advantage of my overthinking.

→ Toxic people (narcissistic perverts…) like to make you feel guilty - often through gaslighting - and overthinkers are the pros for that… :/

However, my cousin has been teaching me to find the positive side of those habits that I don’t like. And I came to the conclusion that this habit made me more observant and that when my worries are communicated it makes for good and deep conversations. Apparently it also makes people question themselves more - or so I’ve been told :/.

Therefore I try to be more kind to myself and calm my overthinking by communicating. It’s not easy everyday… But it is so important. As important as speaking about your feelings.

I’m still learning how good it is for oversensitive people like me. I’ve always struggled to speak up about my emotions because I always thought they didn’t have value or importance or even that I was being overdramatic, faking it. it was like I never had a good enough reason to express myself and make people lose time on me, like I’m not worth it.

So I always second guess myself and think about the true worth of communicating what’s bothering me. Because if it’s little and I’m just blowing it or that in the end it turns out I was tricking myself and faking it unconsciously, I’ll just feel ultra guilty of wasting someone’s time and energy. Especially as I strive to make people around me feel good, safe, heard and comfortable (with me). And I know I tend to blow things out of proportion. Like I feel horrible when someone makes a tiny and precise criticism about my work even though I did all the rest well. Because it’s like I disappoint them by not doing good enough. 

The problem with me is that “good enough” has to be as close to “perfect” as possible. Simply because if I put energy in it I should go 100% and nail it. If it’s not the case then why waste time and embarrass myself ? Though I’ve been trying to understand - more to assimilate - that everyone’s 100% is different and even that every day’s 100% is different. And that’s completely okay and normal.

I’ve just been taught at school that you have to keep a high constant of activity even though it’s obviously not possible. 

Disappointing people is one of my greatest fears. I think that might be why I take things too personally all the time. So many times I tear up when someone makes a remark to a group I belong to, and even if I shouldn’t feel concerned I question myself and feel horrible. “I should’ve thought of it.”“I should’ve done it.”“I didn’t do good.” I hardly let myself fail as I haven’t failed much. So I pressure myself to keep my high average by being the most excellent. Yet I can hardly hold on anymore… It’s logical that I end up burned out. I overdid it and now I'm over it.

I am over with life.

At least that is what I think a lot but I’m working on it. I am trying to be done with being over-pessimistic. It’s not over for me, and if it’s not for you either, dear reader… Then,...

Let’s get over it together <3. 

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

[blueskybowie]

Hello again,

I have been in a strange mood today. I haven't been sad, but at the same time there is something that just has felt off in a way. I can't really explain what exactly or why. It's just, well off.

I'm trying not to overthink it right now. It's difficult though when you are a chronic overthinker with OCD. There are times that I wonder how much of my overthinking is just anxiety and how much of it is the OCD, as my OCD often masks itself in anxious tendencies. Like having to check my pockets as a ritual every time I'm out of the house, at least every time I leave a location. I can't cross a road on my own without having some kind of signal if there are any moving vehicles - otherwise, I'll get hurt or hurt someone else. I can't touch public handles or buttons, or I'll get sick. My worst one, though, is if someone doesn't answer the phone or text or arrive when they are supposed to, I'll start worrying they have been hurt, are having a medical crisis or have died. That last one is particularly bad, although it has gotten a bit better as the years have passed. It's still there, though, and it happens a lot to the same group of people.

That last one is really hard because I can't admit that that is the thing that triggers me the most. And as much as I don't like to admit it, it has had a massive impact on my relationships particularly with friends and what have you. My Dad is at a point where he is used to it and used to me worrying about that. He knows I can't help it. It doesn't make it any easier for me, though. I feel like a burden a lot of the time. I hate the way it impacts me. I have the compulsive tendencies that come alongside it. They are brutal.

There are so many aspects to my OCD that I never really considered to be OCD - I thought a lot of it was normal anxiety. It wasn't until my therapist at the time brought it up that it clicked that it wasn't normal anxiety and that it was far deeper. I think this is in part due to the fact that OCD itself is incredibly misunderstood by a majority of people. One person's OCD thoughts and compulsions can be totally different from another, and it is that difference that makes it so hard to understand by a lot of people.

Although I must confess, for me, the hand sanitizer is completely true in my case. I do really struggle with managing my thoughts when it comes to health related and getting sick. Every time I get sick, I start overthinking and blaming myself for getting sick. It's really difficult because I know it's irrational to everyone around me. For me, though, it is really difficult, and I really struggle, and the compulsive tendencies get so much worse in the aftermath of it.

It's been a challenging week, and I am trying not to worry about things that are out of my control. You can only do so much though before it feels like you are drowning

Until next time

[ungalossimp]

Social anxiety and online interractions

(while being neurodivergent)

For context , I've been diagnosed with social phobia and generalized anxiety disorder -agoraphobia too, although I don't think it plays a role here. I'm austistic as well (diagnosed too)

Some people get really angry / annoyed about me not answering directly when they send me a message or an ask. I'm sorry about this. I wish I was able to do it.

For some social interractions are simple. For me it's not, and probably never will. I overthink, writing/ talking to people give me panic attacks.

My brain litteraly can't process things correctly, and interprets social interractions (or more precisely : social interractions going badly) as a deadly threat.

I get overwhelmed. I'm scared, insecure, and a lot of negative thoughts spiral in my head and I can't stop it.

Here's some of them :

✧･ What do they think when they see my blog on their dashboard ?

✧･ Do people even remember me ?

✧･ Do I look look desperate for attention - or on the contrary, do I look like I don't care ?

✧･ Are my posts and reblogs too boring ?Do they think nothing of it ?

✧･ Am I being a bother to my friends ? What if they weren't really my friends, what if they were just being polite and I misinterpreted things ?

✧･ What if I was a dead weight and everyone was too kind / polite to tell me so ?

✧･ What if I don't explain my points of view correctly, what if I mess up so much that the next sentence I'll write will hurt someone, and make them want to never speak to me again ?

✧･ What if they hated you because of how weird you are ?

It's hard to fight against this thought process. It's a cluster of thoughts that spiral again and again, sometimes it's there in the back of your mind and you don't even realize it.

It's hard to spot that my thoughts and insecurities are being irrational when I'm in the middle of it. It's hard to realize those fears are present to an anormal level.

Even when I know I'm not being 100% realistic, it's extremely difficult to not be affected by it.

Not to mention, my neurodiversity (autism) makes me second-guess every interractions, because I'm so scared to not have read social cues correctly.

I'm far better at it now, but when I grew up I used to feel like every interraction was a game and everyone knew the rules except me. It lead to a lot of misunderstandings and hurt.

At the time, I wasn't even diagnosed, so I internalized every "mistakes" of mine and blamed myself.

No one understood why I didn't follow the social rules, surely I did it on purpose - there was something wrong with me but I did no efforts to fix it. I got bullied badly.

As a result of all of this... A lot of time my mind automatically chooses the "safest" (irrational) solution: "if I post nothing, if I don't interract with anyone it will prevent me from ruining everything." It's a fight / flight / freeze /fawn situation, and I freeze.

I know that isolating myself won't fix it. On the contrary, it makes my anxiety worse and it pushes people away. So I do my best. It's draining. Some days it's more difficult, and it takes me a lot more time and courage to answer to people. Sometimes I lose the battle. But I try, I really do.

So now : When I say I have social anxiety and that it is hard for me to answer, please be patient with me. It's not that I don't care, I swear.

I hope this post made y'all understand me a bit better.

Maybe it'll help others explain their situation too, who knows.

[sunfoxfic]

Don't mind me but I just wanted to talk about something which is really rubbing off the wrong way with me.

Before I start, I should say that NONE of what I am about to say is meant to be Adrien salt. In fact, I have related to him more than ever especially this season and actually this ladynoir conflict is helping me cope up so much (I personally think it is really well executed so far). I love both Marinette and Adrien and I absolutely love this conflict because of what it would bring out in the future.

That being said, I read your post about the power imbalance in ladynoir and I agree so much with it! People talking about it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable because of how they frame words about it and the post helped me understand why.

It's just that people say that Marinette being the guardian is the whole problem. And yes, that's true in sense it is a very very stressful burden for a fourteen year old to carry and it is taking a toll on her relationships and mental health to an extent where she CAN'T focus on anything else (I may be clumsily framing this dhsbz sorry but you get the gist). But no. People are not even concerned about that - their problem is that there is a power imbalance between Chat and Ladybug and that it is hurting Chat. Which is another aspect of it, yes, but also it kiiiinda rubs me off in the wrong way because it's almost as if people are not taking HER feelings into consideration at all? I mean this is pretty trivial and I am definitely overthinking things and I am sure it's not the case with most people saying that but it just does bother me.

And also the fact that when any leaks (especially from gloob😒) come up showing Adrien making a "mistake" (Like the Glaciator 2 ones gosh they were awful), salters start off with their irrational bashing, and people are really really quick to defend him - which they should! But why don't they do the same for Marinette too? Sure. Maybe they just care more about Adrien to defend him but when these SAME people start bashing on Marinette with out of context spoilers WITHOUT EVEN THINKING OF WAITING FOR THE EPISODE is when this feels like an awful double standard.

And then there's also a very specific brand of people who say that...Adrien is more "well written" and a "fan favourite"? Now, I won't touch the writing part because of my personal biases and because I personally think Marinette's storyline is also pretty complex (and I totally understand why people would NOT think so), but the fan favourite part?? Does it even matter at the end of the day? I've even seen some people act all high and mighty because they are Adrien "stans" apparently?? (Tbf the whole Stan culture is something which I don't care about)

Sorry for this highly disorganised rant. It's just that since the episode aired I've been seeing all sorts of these comments and I don't know if this is just me overthinking everything or if this is really something which bothered anyone else too.

Ello, anon! I'm always happy to get people venting in my inbox if they need to, I know the feeling

The first thing I'm going to say re: Adrien defense squad, is that you're absolutely right that in so many ways Adrien salt acts to perpetuate this defensiveness of Adrien that maybe isn't always earned. And like you, I love Adrien's character and don't want to sound salty, but.... people need to stop defending Adrien at the expense of Marinette.

That means that they need to stop defending him so much that they place blame on her where it's not deserved. It means they need to stop defending him so much that he gets shielded from pain rather than ever growing from it. It means they need to stop defending him from people who aren't arguing in good faith.

In the non-saltiest part of the fandom I know, this corner I've carved for myself on Tumblr, it's just exhausting to see people deconstructing all the reasons and ways Marinette is at fault and hurting people around her. There's usually the disclaimer of "Oh I still love her though!" or "But she has no way to change given her current circumstances" or "Not salt, I still love her."

But if I deconstructed all the ways in which Adrien is wrong and hurting people around him with those same disclaimers, I'd get accused of perpetuating Adrien salt. That's happened to me before. And unlike most of the posts I see like this about Marinette (by very smart, reasonable people), when I made those types of posts about Adrien, it was always, "He needs to get better for his own sake because he cannot depend on people protecting him all the time and I don't want him to get hurt." People making those same posts about Marinette are only ever deconstructing her impact on other people -- usually Adrien.

As for the rest of it.... It's been a few hours since this came in and I've been thinking about this ask all day. And I think part of the issue with discussing the Ladynoir power imbalance and that whole issue, etc etc, is that everyone thinks they know how to solve the problems.

To be quite clear: I'm guilty of this.

We all think we know what dynamic Ladybug and Chat Noir need to have to be "healthy." In reality, the main thing they need to be healthy is to have Gabriel removed from their lives. No dynamic changing will improve their relationship more than dynamically kicking Gabriel Agreste into a prison cell.

But once that happens, we all think we know exactly what they need to do in order to preserve their sense of selves and relationship with one another. When in reality, it's so much messier than that.

What Adrien and Marinette need to do is experiment. Figure out what each of them needs to do and where they need to help their personal shortcomings to have both of their needs met. Yeah, there's some basic things that obviously need to happen: Adrien needs to be more forthcoming about his feelings, Marinette needs to be more attentive, both of them need a little patience.

But we have no idea what exactly they need to do to make their relationship work. So when someone says confidently "Marinette needs to give up the Miracle Box" or "Adrien needs to be Guardian with her" or "Adrien needs to know who all the identities of the heroes are" I'm starting to be doubtful that we can really know what impact this would have on their relationship at all.

I'm guilty of this, like I said. But the more I think about it, the more I don't think there's any way to confidently identify solutions in something as variable and fragile as a relationship. A lot harder than identifying problems, anyway.

Anyway, anon, hope saying all this made you feel better, and have a lovely day.

[tokyoghoose]

something that never was

pairing: daisuke kambe x reader

playlist: even if it's a lie - matt maltese*, a soulmate who wasn't meant to be - jessica benko, the less i know the better - tame impala, id rather go blind - beyonce ( cadillac records ), the house we never built - gabrielle aplin*, i cant make you love me - dave thomas junior, i go crazy - orla gartland, blow my brains out - tikkle me, hidden in the sand - tally hall

warnings: angst, mentions of cheating,

summary: the coldness he radiates gets the best of you, ultimately leading to the end.

announcements!

i dont really see daisuke cheating unless it was a misunderstanding or smth, but i liked the idea of this fic. Let me know what you think!

you can tell i didnt write this in a sitting lol. Im vv sorry if it's hard to follow!

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

There's a warm body beside you, yet the bed feels cold. The arm around your waist feels almost as foreign as the face in front of you. It hurts to look at him, to feel him. It hurts to even be around him. He's so beautiful but he feels like half the man he once was. It's disheartening.

Maybe the saying, what you don't know can't hurt you is correct because you were feeling the repercussions right about now. Curiosity really did kill the cat, and at this point, you don't even know how to get satisfaction from it. How does one bring up cheating to their partner? Especially when the partner is like Daisuke.

He likes to brush things off without paying a price except for whatever was in his bank account, the type to hand you a card and say 'go get yourself something pretty.' And it wasn't like he was a bad lover, in fact, it was very easy to fall in love with him. He has a charm about him that's magnetic, one glance and suddenly it's impossible to look away. Or at least that was your experience.

With the final confirmation that closing your eyes will do nothing other than bringing pictures into your head, you turn your back to him and try and distance your body from his. It doesn't do anything to help when he pulls you closer subconsciously, except for maybe it makes you want to cry.

You'd confront him tomorrow, you decided.

If you need to.

———

The pace you set is leisure and if kt wasn't for the poor nail bed quickly coming to nothing, it'd seem like you weren't completely losing your head. It's all you can think about. Daisuke out with some girl—who you know for a fact isn't his sister, and who is all over him. He didn't even make a move to push her off! He hates that kind of attention so if he didn't object it, then he was asking for it. He wanted the girl on his side. In fact, for someone who insists the other person sits across from him at a restaurant- he looked quite comfortable with her nearly in his lap.

Maybe you're overthinking this, y/n.

The door clicks open and your ears strain to hear the sound of Daisuke's dress shoes. He's rather indulgent when it comes to dressing wear and the shoes were practically silent, even with the short heel on the back.

"I'm home." He says to no one particular, taking off his trenchcoat and hanging it on the rack beside the door. He stops his path to the bedroom when he sees you frozen in place and staring in the living room. He merely quirks a brow, going to take off his suit and tie.

Suddenly you can't speak and you have tunnel vision. It's unfair how calm he always looks—it's almost smug like he knows everything about you and more. Like he can read your mind and tell you your darkest thoughts and when you'll die because let's be honest, it'll probably be by his hand. Maybe you should back out now before you can say anything. Forget it all because what if you're mistaken? The more you think, the more weight is added onto your shoulders and the more it pushes you down, down further into the hole you want to crawl into. Maybe you should let it because all you want to do now is escape his piercing gaze. His eyes are studying you, taking in your form and the cogs in his brain are turning to find an explanation as to why you are standing there like a psychopath and not welcoming him home like you usually do.

You feel like you're drowning. Is the light getting dimmer? The black around your vision only seems to close in around Daisuke and you try to look anywhere else but his face. There's water in your ears, the popping of them only intensifies until you can feel it pounding into your head with faint static.

Am I going to pass out?

It's not until his hand comes down gently on your shoulder that the closing circle of vision widens out and suddenly all the imaginary water rushes from your ears. You glance down at his rings before back up him, barely catching the end of his words.

"Are you alright?"

He's never been one to beg, so you would have to answer now or he'll leave it be for the rest of the night and probably months after until you're like this again.

"I-can we talk?"

He eyes you suspiciously, narrowing his eyes and keeping his brow raised before nodding, slipping his tie off around his neck, folding it neatly into the palm of his hand. He gestures for you to start the conversation, going to the minibar curving around the kitchen and living area.

When you don't reply he urges you on, "Why so tense? Did something happen, darling?"

It'd seem like he didn't really care from how cold his voice was, but you've grown accustomed to the monotone to know that he truly is concerned for your health. He genuinely wants to know why you're acting so odd. It only makes this so much harder? You're wrong- you have to be. This must be a sick trick your brain has played on you. Or he must be playing some sick trick.

Anxiety settles itself into your gut and it seems like it won't leave anytime soon.

"Daisuke, are...- are you cheating on me?"

His eyebrows finally go lax but he doesn't look up from unbuttoning the cuffs of his white button-down. His fingers fidget at the buttons and instead of the previous loose form, his hand forms a fist.

"I- "

"Why—exactly, are you accusing me of this?"

His gaze sends chills down your spine. He's offended but he doesn't offer a defense. Suddenly your mouth is dry and you lose all your words? How exactly were you going to tell him you stumbled across him and some woman in a restaurant and practically stared them down for fifteen minutes.

You decide the bear it and swallow a lump that has formed in your throat.

"You were with a woman earlier this week snd well, the displays of affection that I saw were not very like you. You've been gone for long hours and even if you blamed it on the new job, Daisuke—you never tell me anything. Is she for a case? Are you using her for information? Go on, tell me about it. Give me a reason not to accuse you."

You regain your confidence but it falters when you meet his indifferent expression. You'd prefer it if he looked angry and the silence that fills the room is deafening and the tension suffocating.

"I can't tell you anything about our cases-"

"I'm your partner! What am I going to do? Rat you out to whoever is breaking the law? Why would I even how those connections, Daisuke?"

Daisuke inhales deeply through his nose like this whole conversation is a burden on him and you can't help but feel like a burden too. Was this relationship not worth the time to talk this out? One hand grips the bar and the other pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You aren't my partner, you're my fiance. My partner and I work together. So, no. I can't tell you about the cases."

You want to rip out your hair. This isn't about his stupid job or his stupid partner. This is about the dumb fucking restaurant and the dumb fucking woman who was hanging off him.

He can't actually be this dense!

"It's not about that! Either you aren't getting the point or you keep changing the subject because it's true!" Your voice rises in pitch, your confidence failing and turning more so into desperation. But you aren't crying yet. There are no tears and your eyes are dry and you absolutely refuse to cry in front of a Kambe.

It's like the beginning of your relationship all over again. A protective barrier around yourself so you don't get hurt and offended by his cold shoulder. Was it so bad to think you've moved on from that feeling? Why is it so difficult for him to just comfort you and push back those fears? Is he that emotionally stunted? You may not know much about his past and his family, but damn— at least you're trying to work through it with him. Can he put out a little more effort?

All he does is pour himself a glass. All he does... is pour himself a glass.

"You know what- forget it. If you're so entitled and so emotionally reserved that you can't even talk to me without a drink first, then I guess we'll talk about it another time—when you don't look like my voice gives you a headache."

Daisuke actually looks taken back by your words and you suddenly feel bad for hitting a sore spot. He may not have shown it often, but he doesn't particularly like not being able to show his true emotions; no matter the reason being.

"Y/N, wait.."

But you're back on adrenaline just as soon as he felt a drop, pushing past him to get to your coat. You just needed to calm down before you said something you'd truly regret. Words tended to stay in his mind much longer than they were intended to.

"I'm staying at my mother's. Don't call me, don't text me, don't come near me until you're ready to tell me what the hell you were doing with her. "

When he doesn't say anything more and you can practically hear the cogs in his head turn, you make your way out there door, making sure to slam it shut.

You slip on the coat angrily, slamming open the door without sparing him a glance but waiting for him to say something. Anything. Were you being too rash? You shake your head and scold yourself, mentally. You can't just turn around now, not after an outburst like that. He has to learn something from this.

Irrational or not, hopefully, his true colors would show.

[lowkeyorloki]

phoebe anon: i survived my chaotic thursday 💯 and wowie this asis update ...was very painful and i can see where this is going 😫 not like actually whats going to happen but like i can see the opposing viewpoints loki and reader have and how that will impact the conversations they clearly need to have and... pain. i know some people are saying reader is being irrational but i absolutely understand having this reaction, i would have this reaction myself. honestly, if we’re being real here, I would probably even get angry or snap if the father of my possible child was saying things like he was in the car no matter how much i love him! i know that doing so would accomplish absolutely nothing and make things worse, but i feel like i wouldn’t be able to help it, so comparatively reader is doing great! lmao. her saying “I cant” over and over again sums it up literally so well. like loki i LOVE you but BAD TIMING ON THE BABY NAME TALK BABE 😭😭😭😭😭

what a horrible situation all around. i of course hope she’s not pregnant (considering i’m technically supposed to be the reader i guess lmao) but you’re such a great writer that i completely trust that any outcome will be fantastic. much loveeeee :D

phoebe anon <3333 so glad you got through your thursday! i think my test went well but the class i was supposed to give my presentation in was cancelled so now i have the whole weekend to overthink it! lol

i'm with you all the way. pregnancy is a life changing thing, and on top of that, she's in total panic mode. i know the way i act when i am truly in pain isn't super flattering either. and yes, loki's timing was... well it was Not Great. like i've said to a few commenters, he's absolutely entitled to any feelings about the subject, but saying everything about names to the reader while she's clearly hurting was probably not a good judgment call. personally, it would make me feel like i can't go to the one person i need for comfort. this is just situation that's impossible to be perfect in, no matter which party you are!!!!

and thank you so much 🥺 if i was a reader i would feel the same way. i'm so glad you trust me either way though, that's genuinely so sweet and makes my heart v happy ! i hope you have a good friday + weekend. treat yourself to a warm drink or something!!

[journalofanangel]

what causes me to self destruct?

the fear of losing, the fear of missing out, the fear of disappointing someone (regardless of our relationship or how close we are), the fear of being hurt or abandoned... i also overthink and blame myself and can't separate myself from my thoughts and emotions.

I feel pressured, ashamed, and anxious. I get a rush of adrenaline that is mostly, if not entirely, shame and anxiety. I get nervous and, even if I feel like I'm thinking clearly, I'm still irrational and I can't put two and two together. this might have to do with my disorders unfortunately.

If you label yourself as a bad person, you’ll start to believe that something’s inherently wrong with you and that you’ll never improve. Instead, by thinking of yourself as a good, worthy person who makes mistakes, you give yourself permission to grow. (quote)

i struggle with understanding why my friends think im a good person, why they love me, or why they don't think I'm a horrible person. i feel a lot of shame around who I am, where I come from, and the lies I've told. i feel like I have so many reasons to feel horrible and I feel like others should think I'm horrible too.

i know there's something positive to take from this but I'll add that on later.

you could tell yourself that you are allowed to choose a healthy alternative to your self-destructive behavior. For instance, you could turn to alcohol when you’re in pain, but you’re also allowed to call your friend for support.

the important thing for my to remember is that I'm allowed to rely on people. i can't consistently rely on most of the people around me because I don't feel understood or safe around them. i feel like if i don't have someone to ground me, i spiral. i can ground myself at times but then i still get scared. i get scared so easily unfortunately.

my friends have told me it's okay to reach out and rely on them. it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to talk to them, it's okay. i never really feel safe around my family though. i feel so disgusting around them. they say they're happy to be part of these things but it feels so gross every time. i don't want to be around them.

i wanna feel safe... i wish this one friend could feel safe around me but with this kind of behaviour and this mindset, I get why she can't. i understand why.

i wanna find some healthier coping mechanisms that work in the moment, things that can help me slow down when I can't rely on others.. I'd like to not be so dependent.

If avoiding self-destruction is intensely difficult, try waiting 30 minutes to engage in the behavior instead of acting on the impulse right away.

I've tried this, I think I just need to dedicate myself to it. especially when I feel myself having doubts that end up being true...

Overcoming self-destructive behavior is not an overnight process. Practicing self-compassion and forgiveness is essential as you work toward healthier coping skills. When you’ve relied on self-destructive actions to numb your pain for so long, you likely feel some degree of mental, emotional, or physical addiction to the behaviors.

I always expect to heal overnight, I expect to fuck up once then never do it again.. I never expect kindness or forgiveness, i scare myself into acting how I think I "should" and then inevitably end up shaming myself into acting a certain way.

this is really hard. i feel horrible but I'm trying to improve, I just hate hurting people over and over like this. im tired of disappointing people. I've been tired of this. it's so hard being consistent. it's hard but I'm trying. I've stopped caring if people notice or if they care, this isn't about them at this point. it's for me and, inevitably, the people I love. i can't keep shaming myself and running away.

I should bring this up to my therapist. this can be something she helps me with. i want to stop focusing on the past and putting so much energy into feeling bad or being angry about what's already happened. I want to heal, I want to do better.

i want to love people without deeply wounding them. i know the hurt and the mistakes are inevitable, we're only human after all and love is a complicated thing, but I want to love them anyway.

I want to love and I want to be good. I want to feel whole and safe.

saturday march 4th 2023 2030

[mindful-restlessness]

Am I happy? Am I just telling myself I am happy so I just deal with things but really I'm not? Am I holding on to growing resentment again but instead of confronting it, I am internalizing it? If it is resentment that I am feeling, why do I feel that way and is there a way not to do that? Is this the best I'll feel about myself? I love this house and it is perfect for me except for my emotional attachments towards it. But how difficult would it be for me to leave this house and find another house I want to call "home" without struggling about payments for that house?

One part of me keeps saying "it's not too late to start over. Many people do it in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s". And the other part of me is still freaking out that I am turning 30 and if I keep waiting, I may not have the chance to bear my own child anymore. I may live out my life of having things on a bucket list that I won't have a chance to do bcos I was too insecure to ask to do it because of guilt/shame preventing me from feeling like I could still do things.

He's not punishing me. He's just betrayed and hurt. He's scared of me. There are control issues for him. But I have respect issues. I have a comfortable life with someone who struggles to be a supportive emotional partner for me- but I need that- a supportive emotional partner. I need that engagement and validation that it's okay to feel how I feel and if my feelings are out of bounds and irrational, I need someone to tell me that too to keep me in check. Not a , "What is making your anxious?" Then tell me, "You're overthinking it. It's not a big deal."<--That's what anxiousness is and it feels minimalizing.

If I bring up those issues, it becomes an argument with it being brought up that he's like that because of what I've done to him; he can't trust me or want to be vulnerable to be a better emotional partner. But he was like that before the extramarital relationship. And the problem with that was that I didn't feel confident in myself to being up those issues....so he didn't know about them. He didn't know they were issues to begin with and if I did tell him, I didn't press on them hard enough for him to see how much they really bothered me. And that's my fault- I know that. I stopped turning to him because I didn't feel like he would address or care how I felt about those things adequately because he hadn't. And when new issues came up, I didn't even say a word to him about them anymore because I thought , "It won't matter if I say or not say it but at least we won't fight about it."

But if I don't bring up any issues I have now, then it'll repeat. It'll go back to the same pattern. Same growing insidious resentment. Same lonliness.

He's not punishing me. He's suffering. I'm punishing myself. Why? Why am I punishing myself? Because of guilt? Because my parents really love him and he is amazing to my family? Because I spent the last 10-12 years of my life trying to make something out of my relationship with him? For what? Why am I here? What am I working towards? What do I want?

Ugh, it's giving me such a headache. I need to go back to therapy but I don't know where to start with all this. It's building up on my mind as I'm trying to get used to my workjob. And I have my surgery coming up which is out of pocket so I need to minimalize expenses.

Ugh.

[mybodyliberation]

Mooncup Review Part 1

There are some people who are not impacted by their periods. They are able to go about their business being their wonderful selves.

I am not one of those people. A multitude of things happens when I am due on. One of these things being the "Grumps" and phew child, do I get them bad.

I'm not a natural frowner or grimacer, (yes these aren't words but they are for the purpose of today), so when I catch myself grumbling over something sometimes rational, mostly irrational, I know the Grumps have arrived do too will my period.

If you'll follow me on instagram you'll I now last month I was all about period talk on my stories. We wanted the tea and we wanted it now!

What was everyone predominately using, what were our cycles like, were we using any birth control and did we have anything that made our periods harder to deal with?

The census was that mensutral cups were extremely popular, moreson than I anticipated and I want to take a moment to stan all the environmentally aware babes out there having super ethical periods.

I love that we have so many options for what to use during our periods now and it says a lot about where we are heading as a society, though it will be cute when periods are no longer taxed...ahem. *stares directly at camera with utter sass*

Anyway the point is I was tired of using the same old methods of tampons and sanitary towels. As a performer it's often such a pain in the neck having to run to sort yourself during a show and I wanted to banish having to stuff multiple tampons in my backpack just to survive the day. I also know how damaging tampons and pads are environmentally because with the use of plastic it takes years to break down. Yall not to mention its actually not great for our vaginas and that is just the grown up tea.

So with all of that I have been waiting to transition to something new and since I turned 29 this year I realised it was time to suck it up and make the changes I know are right for me.

Enter, the Mooncup!

Truthfully the only reason it's taken me this long to try and mensutral cup is because I am a big baby and overthink. So as you can imagine I'd fashioned several horror movie type scenarios in my hear about what the experience would look like.

Truth be told...it was nothing like I anticipated (no Quentin Tarantino scenes happening during my cycle).

Now background information on a brand is important and so I will link their "About" page because o feel like they articulate their story perfectly themselves. https://www.mooncup.co.uk/who-we-are/our-story/

Now when we got in touch with each other the folks over at Mooncup suggested that the best way to trial the Mooncup was to use it over a period of three months. So you guys will follow me over the next few periods as I give this a go!

It's amazing to see a brand lead by women make something for women. It feels empowering and important and I truly feel like extra care is taken.

Before I get into my experience I think it's good to tell you that Mooncup has a dedicated helpline via email and telephone that connects you to a nurse that can give you proper medical advice and is truly the best asset when it comes to approaching using the cup for the first time. (advice@mooncup.co.uk Tel +44(0) 1273 673 845)

When you open up your box you'll find your cup in a sweet little pouch and an awesomely specific instruction manual on how to start with your cup.

First things first was to make sure I'd sertilized it and so straight into the put of boiling water it went for 5 minutes.

After I left it to cool I headed into the bathroom with my instructions to figure out how to insert.

My cycles can be investing in terms of my moods and symptoms. I feel like I experience every symptom possible on the spectrum and so having a stress free period is important.

I was nervous trying the cup for the first time because honestly it took me ages to even hype myself to try tampons all those years ago. So though the nerves were normal they definitely gave me more stress than necessary when it came to the cup.

So the first thing is, relax. I was rigid and clenched and the anticipation was very heightening to making the experience more painful as I tried to insert.

The first two days of using the cup had me feeling like a gymnast because it was like nothing I did was allowing the cup to insert without pain or super flexibility.

So getting accustomed to breathing and relaxing as it came time to insert the cup was paramount. The more you stress the less likely it will go smoothly and I know that sounds like a given but trust me if this is your first foray to this sort of thing, you're going to be wary.

There are two different fold techniques that the instructions suggest for helping for smooth insertion and I found that the best option for me was folding the cup in half. The cup ends up making sort of a smiling face and depending on the day of my period and if I was light or heavy inserting the cup as a smile or a frown made things slightly easier.

It also helps to make sure that the cup itself is a little bit of water on it because moisture is key for a smoother glide!

At first I was super aware of the cup after insertion, but I suppose the same would be the case when you first try tampons. It's a weird sensation to feel the suction holding onto the walls of the vagina but I promise that after a while you don't even feel it let alone think about it.

You should also know that the first days the cup itself feels very firm and stiff but it does start to give and become more flexible after a fee days.

For the first month this has been trial and error. They first few days I felt like I had conquered a mountain and very bad ass, but on the heaviest days of my period it was a little trickier and I found myself getting frustrated because I do have very heavy days and so making sure the cup was sitting properly for zero leaks took time. I also had to make sure I was clearing out the cup every 3 hours rather than every 4 to 8 because there were some accidents but listen, with tampons and pads the same sort of thing can happen, so I wore a pad on my heavy days as precaution and at the end of the day its learning to monitor your body and figure out what works for you.

Next month for the second cup trial I want to try coupling some period pants with the cup on my heaviest days because I've realised that just for my own peace of mind its better to have extra coverage in case of accidents!

Honestly for the first round it was a success! I thought I would be petrified and irritated and frustrated the whole time but I was much more relaxed and calm and its been really interesting process in getting to know my own body because lets face it, as a plus size woman there is a lot more to navigate.

So for my bigger boos, don't be afraid of your own body! If you need to do gymnastics, DO IT! Your body is capable of more than you think. So get your squat in or lift those legs or spread them!

I went to the gym twice with my mooncup in and I went HARD because we need to know what we can do with it. I didn't feel as if my movement was restricted and I didnt feel as if it would be moving or holding me back in anyway!

Going out in public with the cup in felt scary because truthfully I felt that as soon as I walked out the door I would bleed everywhere but that just didnt happen. I was able to go around my business. One of my worries was when I would wee that it would leak or move but that never happened once. And after the 4th day of my cycle I felt comfortable to take it out and empty and reinsert. Thankfully I was in bathroom after bathroom with sinks but in the future I do know its important to carry a wee bottle of water with me to be able to clean out the cup if I need to but I'm in an isolated cubicle.

Now for those who are differently abled please don't hesitate to use the service of contacting the nurse via the mooncup website so that you can get some safe and comfortable suggestions on how to insert the cup without worrying about hurting or disconcerting yourself.

I was shocked with how quickly my hands adapted to insertion and how quickly I became comfortable with having to do it. We are capable of change and adapting and I often forget that when I get stuck in a routine.

So right now the pros are without a doubt outwieghing the cons and honestly what are the cons because I'm saving money, helping the environment and I'm being kinder my vagina (cause no fibres in this boo)

So stay tuned my beauty! This was the first trial and I'm really pleased with myself for challenging myself and with the cup for being my new assistant.

Watch this space for part 2!