#journalofanangel

[journalofanangel]

i feel like crying bc I feel too fat to eat a fucking bagel

[journalofanangel]

i wish I could hug someone and really feel like im thwre

i wish i could feel like im being seen and heard and understood and like my existence isn't too much to bear

[journalofanangel]

i don't think i really have any friends

[journalofanangel]

letting go is

so hard but I guess i can do this

[journalofanangel]

i suggested we stop being as close and be agreed so why am I in so much pain I can't so this i hate rhis

[journalofanangel]

i miss my baby so much

[journalofanangel]

i had to put my dog down this last monday

i can't be in my room for long without crying but i can't leave my house for more than two hours without my legs growing weak and my hands shaking

i miss her so much, it feels like my chest is rotting, I miss her so much

all i can do is cry and grieve because I've lost my baby and I have all this love for her with nowhere to go

i hug her blanket at night just to try and sleep but i wake up with tears in my eyes regardless

she isn't suffering anymore but gods i miss my babygirl i miss my baby so much

feb 8th 2024 02:27am

[journalofanangel]

it only took six months for me to finally come to the conclusion that i don't want to see them anymore btw

im proud

no reaching out no trying to apologize! nada!

im still tired and disinterested in everything tho

[journalofanangel]

i haven't been able to take my meds properly and it's making me feel sick. i don't enjoy anyone's presence, everyone's boring and irritating, nothing outside of my own mind is interesting. it sucks.

i care about these things but it sucks.

i want a new job but it won't change anything because i don't like working anyway. I've been doing this for almost a year which is good but it doesn't make it any easier. people aren't easy to deal with when you have to smile and agree with everything they say. do you have any idea how stupid people can be? i love people on the worst of days but by Gods.

I've been avoiding therapy bc im scared ill yell at her. i don't want to yell, I don't yell, but the fear is there. it's scary.

[journalofanangel]

i would like to give my heart a hug and remind myself every time I look at my reflection that i am loved

[journalofanangel]

my therapist wants me to make a decision and I know what the healthy option ... I suppose the only reason I'm hesitating is because I'd rather drift than put a definitive end, I don't wanna cry anymore

[journalofanangel]

life is full of decisions to make and, as beautiful as it is, it's incredibly overwhelming all the time

i don't even know what to have for breakfast tomorrow morning but I know that I have to wash my face now so that's a start

[journalofanangel]

sometimes I feel lost and hopeless and then I remember I have this account where I can see how far I've come and that I have a space to talk

[journalofanangel]

redoing my home screen.... gonna be jellyfish 🪼

[journalofanangel]

hi guys :] m back <3

[journalofanangel]

I can feel the fat on my body and the food in my stomach and I feel so gross

i see the self help accounts here that are so bright and cozy and I wonder what it's like to be so dedicated to your healing and growth

im dedicated now but I still feel like this, I feel sick, and I feel like death is a better option

my body is okay but I still feel so sick in my own skin