#like. healthy love is actually transformative. and obviously this doesn't have to be in the context of a romantic relationship
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
We are in the last stretch of Heartsong. Developments are happening, bonds are being reforged. Emotions are emoting.
Thanks Gordo, I obviously needed feelings today.
It's been a fair few days. Between work and Link's Awakening (and a healthy desire to keep my emotions locked away like a Pixar protagonist), I have neglected the thing. But with a lovely copy of Brothersong within arm's reach, I have no excuse but to conclude the thing, so conclude we must!
What I want to flash on right now are the developments that have transpired since I read last: Shannon Wells is back, yay! Well, not really. This was actually kind of upsetting. But it was the necessary catalyst for Elizabeth to take matters into her own hands, and rather actively declare war.
Carter, my sweet, beautiful idiot. This wolf has all but declared his undying love for you. Figure out your shit!
Okay, so there's a game which I will never admit to anyone I know IRL that I've played called Boyfriend Dungeon. There's an asexual pairing that's literally just a cat who can transform into a pair of brass knuckles; there's nothing even remotely romantic or sexualized about it. That's Carter and this damn wolf.
Who am I kidding? There will be some mystical moon magic which allows the Timber wolf to shift back, and then Carter will be in for the drama of his life. Will Gordo make a good brother? Who can say, certainly not I.
I seem to be talking about this one thing more than the other stuff going on, but I would like to acknowledge that, despite not mentioning it in any of my previous posts, I knew damn well what this reveal would reveal. Let's look at the evidence: the Wolf shows up out of nowhere accompanying the hunters in Ravensong and is clearly a werewolf who's stuck in his shift. At the end of Ravensong, Livingstone mentions his other son and wanting him back. It's clear that Robbie isn't the Son, so it's either someone we haven't seen before, or someone we have who either doesn't know it, or can't say it. The dominoes fall so neatly into place!
What is it about Kelly and haircuts? Does he have some sort of incredible haircut magic or something? Both on-page depictions of him giving someone a haircut (here, with Robbie, and in Ravensong with Gordo) have apparently been emotionally transcendent experiences.
So, in less than a hundred pages (and, I guess technically, a final book) we have a war to wage. Onward, I say! Forth Heortesang! Ere the Sun Rises!
#reading#rambling#books#green creek series#wolfsong#tj klune#ravensong#heartsong#fucking werewolves#packpackpack#pack pack pack#fucking werewolves (affectionate)#went down a rabbit hole trying to decide how to incorporate werewolves into Theoden's Forth Eorlingas speech#failed miserably and went with just smashing the Old English words for Heart and Song together because I am not wasting that much time#distracting myself from the very real issue of adorable idiot werewolves by thinking about Lord of the Rings#but since I happen to know this word from one of Gandalf's battle-cries#the sindarin word for werewolves plural is *gaurhoth
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
but yeah it also just makes me so grateful for my partner !!! like for the first time in my life my needs aren't questioned or made fun of they're just like. met. even if it's something 'small'/'silly' like wanting to leave a store immediately cause it's too overwhelming
like when I was a kid my mom would take us shopping for hours despite us vocally say please take us home we're tired and need rest and she would just tell us we were impatient and needed to wait. whereas if I tell my partner this is too much he'll be like tbh me too let's go.
so it's such whiplash to come home and be like wait what why are you invalidating me I'm literally right. but also it's refreshing because it's the first time where I'm assured enough in myself and my needs to like. not get gaslit about it. like yeah I am sensitive about certain topics but so is everyone. I don't actually want to spend 3 hours in church I'd rather be with my friends since I'm only here for a week. none of those things are weird to ask for I am not the problem here lmao
anyways damn is this what secure attachment feels like cause 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
man I'm low-key grateful for my late ADHD diagnosis cause after I told my mom her immediate reaction was to just force me to mask and be condescending about it and if that had happened when I was a kid that would just be another layer to unpack in therapy 😬
#but yeah just neurodivergent things i suppose#my partner is autistic so that helps too#it's funny we have very similar thresholds for overwhelm#specifically when going shopping#and idk it makes me smile because it's so healing for such a specific part of my childhood#and it seems like such a small thing but the fact that he respects when I want to leave a store...#it just makes my inner child feel safe#and it heals old wounds that i completely forgot about#but yeah. it's nice#I love him so much#like genuinely this relationship has been so healing for me because for the first time i have stability and when things inevitably go wrong#in life and his reaction isn't immediately to like. traumatize me. it's like life doesn't have to be an unfortunate series of events#like in middle school and high school it felt like my life was always ending and restarting and it was so exhausting#because I'd build up relationships and then everything would go to shit and it would trigger all the undealt trauma and.. yeah#and i used to think you know every two years something awful happens and it ruins my life and i get depressed and go back to square 1#cause that happened like. grade 8 grade 10 grade 12#but since dating my partner life hasn't looked like that at all...#bad things still happen (like my housemate being awful) and if he wasn't there i think i would've classified it as like oh here we go again#but instead i know i always have a rock and somewhere to go back to.. like idk even if the worse happens i know i still have ppl who got me#and yeah. that's actually life changing#like. healthy love is actually transformative. and obviously this doesn't have to be in the context of a romantic relationship#actually might make a separate post about that#but yeah idk it's very nice and i appreciate him a lot#god knows when i graduated i was destroyed when I didn't get into my dream school#but i do think the universe was watching out for my because idk who i would've become if i hadn't met him#i was so stuck in these unhealthy cycles of proving my independence .. and that girl i was seeing also lived in that city#so that would've been an absolute shit show cause she was into some genuinely dangerous shit#but yeah. lost the plot i think im so tired the bug bites woke me up#okay bye#do not reblog
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
no but SPEAK YOUR TRUTH re: fandom Marichat... I see so much of Angsty Forbidden Lovers Pining Sexily and I am confused??? Why make Chat Noir a strong dark brooding dude (I mean yeah he is brooding but he also is goofy af about it) and Marinette a damsel in distress (she IS dramatic BUT she is also a Disaster Baby Girl and Everyday Ladybug and Literal Ladybug, she can handle herself). It seems like some people need this 'romantic' hetero dynamic so badly to work that they change characterizations that are well established in canon. and like, no shame for that, but I feel like it takes away what is so precious about their relationship/s and the whole love square dynamic. IMO the truth is that Marichat are silly bisexual friends that bicker and go to the movies and sometimes they fake date or practice love confessions. Marinette gives Chat Noir shit but in a friendly way because she doesn't have to be 'professional' and Chat Noir wants to impress Marinette because... you know. Even as Chat Noir he thinks Marinette is brilliant and the funniest person ever. And they are in love (see Elation) but so are ALL sides of the love square so duh. thanks for coming to my TED talk let me know what you think!!!
chat noir is so dark brooding and strong but hes ALSO got a serious case of the SILLIES!!!!! he's got all this repressed fury and rage but he's also full of love and tender care. sweetness. he is a complex character that the Larger Fandom Space likes to hack away and throw archetypes onto. similarly, marinette is a one-woman wrecking crew. whether she's transformed or not. she IS constantly in distress and god help her someone save her. but NOT in the way that Larger Fandom Space thinks. those people saw chat carry marinette away from danger and run away Once and decided thats all they were and that they are the only side of the love square that does that. dsghs
marichat actually contains multitudes and is so fun to work with, think about, and analyze. but they get hit with the no fun straight people beam and suddenly All She Is is some weak helpless girl who can't do anything and needs to be saved and All He Is is some guy who won't stop calling her Princess and like idk growling and. whatever else they want. and then they say stuff like True Selves and act like the other sides are unhealthy and only marichat is healthy or whatever. and then depict them unhealthily. i just dont know man. im like everywhere bro except for like wattpad and i do not wanna know how they depict marichat THERE
in all honesty, marichat AREN'T by default their 'true selves' around each other. obviously this is due to the fact that all sides of the love square have stuff to hide from each other. but i would even go so far as to ascertain that (especially in) Early Stages of marichat interactions, they are trying to portray their most INAUTHENTIC selves and that makes them BRILLIANT
okay so marinette -> she knows chat noir right? very well. but at the same time she CANT show that she knows him well. she has to pretend that hes just some guy. or that shes a bit of a fangirl. very much Expert Pretending To Be Novice vibes. similarly with chat noir -> he totallyyyyy doesn't know this girl all that well either. she CAN'T know that this super cool superhero is actually one of her Good Friends at school. so its like they're both actors in a play but they BOTH think they're the only ones acting. but at the same time, for marinette, the facade starts to fall because she can only pretend this isnt her best friend for so long. the best example of this for me is glaciator 2, where she just starts yelling at chat noir like he's HER chat noir, like she's the one who knows him. the chance of him arguing back drops bc it likely throws him off but is also refreshing bc whoaaa marinette can yell at him like that? only its not the him SHE knows. marinette can yell at him bc she's a little bit insane and also bc he isn't in love with THIS her so he'll be fine!! and he likes it bc he can sense her comfort and also be entertained by it at the same time and its fun getting close to her without her like freaking out and escaping from him. blah blah blah they r in love!!!!!!! but the point is inevitably there are feelings on all sides
i feel as though when the reveal happens none of the sides should be dating tbh. bc that would be too easy. oh yay my gf/bf is also another person i know and love! epic! but imagine if there was pain on every side. some form of feelings, some form of love, some form of heartbreak. thats where we get the part where they have to reconcile that all this pain and failures happened because of all the identities and secrets and their inherent connection and chemistry. they SHOULD feel doubt over whether they were meant to be together at all. and then realize that this couldn't be any more perfect. because they were never meant to choose. and after finding out, they'll never have to
yeah idk where im going anymore LETS KISS ANON UR SO WOKE THANK U FOR SENDING ME A JUICY ASK :D
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
Meet the Supervisors
General Info
I like to think that the reason the USB Admins are recolors with number eyes is for organizational purposes, like a work uniform, so the Supervisors don't have that restriction since there aren't any non-USB Supervisors.
They do at least look like they could reasonably belong in their assigned universe, but that's mainly a side-effect of being designed alongside their MRUs.
They actually communicate with their MRUs like the Mario and Kirby USBs, but aren't parental figures for obvious reasons. They usually just see each other as either friends or coworkers.
Have more-or-less the same abilities as the Admins, with a few unique extras based on their designs.
Trinity
Looks like a fusion between the Oracle versions of Farore, Nayru and Din (because of course she would).
Can actually use the various spells, songs, and other techniques directly associated with those three.
Takes her position as The Oldest very seriously, which leads the others (Spreadsheet especially) to see her as a bit of a stuffy know-it-all.
May or may not have a crush on Tartarus. If anyone asks she'll firmly deny it.
Regards Director K with mild suspicion because she's sure she recognizes him from somewhere and it's setting off alarm bells.
More than a bit high-strung.
GIF
Takes the form of the Default Hamtors, including their small size.
Doesn't have pronouns. GIF is always GIF.
All of GIF must be capitalized, always.
Just as goofy and crazy as the actual Hamtors, but still does GIF's job very well.
If GIF sits on your head that means GIF likes you. And that GIF wants to feel tall right now.
Bites.
Quazar
Apparently the character design agent saw how Frida reacts to anything that might possibly be a faerie and went "you know what would be really fucking funny?" So she looks like a faerie queen, tall and ethereal and just a bit unsettling.
This is effect is absolutely ruined by the thickest Brooklyn accent you've ever heard whenever she opens her mouth.
Sexuality is "look at my color scheme and ask me that again."
Trinity thinks Quazar is the Only Other Sane One. She is wrong.
When she finds out that Programs have night clubs she is going to become the Party Animal and Trinity's rose-tinted view of her is going to be absolutely shattered. Everyone In The Know is already making bets on when it'll happen.
Spreadsheet
Obviously a Fairy. And because of how Fairly Oddparents Fairies work, they can transform into whatever they want, whenever they want, without having any of the usual Code Compression difficulties every other Program has to deal with.
Easily the most chaotic and irisponsible of the First Five, partly on purpose and partly because That's Just How it be in Dimmsdale.
You know how I said that Supervisors don't have a parent/child dynamic with their MRUs? Spreadsheet's the exception, because the MRUs do retain the "SMGs start out as recolors" rule so those two are Literally Children and fairies looking after kids is this universe's Whole Deal. Taking care of 6 and 7 is the One Thing that they actually take seriously outside of dire emergencies.
Has made it their life's mission to get Trinity to actually relax and have fun. Mostly by messing with her via harmless pranks and being generally annoying.
Connectivity
Has a similar Cute Little Mascot design to Harmony, Zap, and any other Spirits that may get introduced.
Is the actual Sane One of the first batch of four, but usually sides with Spreadsheet on the grounds of feeling that Trinity's workaholic mindset isn't healthy.
Came with one of the Spirit Jewels that the actual Spirits bestow upon their Champions, but keeps it hidden because she isn't sure how anyone would react to her being able to bestow a piece of her power to someone. Has quite a bit of anxiety about this that she isn't willing to address.
When she and Alyssa interact it sometimes results in a Mom Friend Feedback Loop because they can each Tell that the other needs some love and nurturing and it sets off their maternal tendencies but they're not ready or willing to confront their own struggles (especially the Trust Issues) enough to be receptive to that.
When that doesn't happen they'll swap gossip about their respective coworkers, because every office is gonna have some piping hot Tea to spill and even if the IRL and Digital agents are considered equals they're obviously still physically separate so the gossip's gotta get from one side of the screen to the other somehow.
#smg4 ocs#the grid#supervisors#mru program#trinity#GIF#quazar#spreadsheet#connectivity#newsflash trinity; we're all weird!#i had a lot of fun making GIF#GIF is just a little creechur. GIF cannot change this#nor does GIF want to#another reason connectivity is hiding her jewel is because she doesn't even know what she's meant to be the spirit OF#not a good idea to give someone powers if you don't have even a general sense of what those powers might be
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here's an interesting bit of Nagisa psychology: The Charlotte part of her has some wires crossed in her brain so she's conflating cheese with unconditional love, and I don't know if she realises she's doing it.
So there are three Magia Record stories involving Nagisa that I use in conjunction with Rebellion to characterise her in my head and when I rewatched a couple of those recently I noticed something peculiar about the way Nagisa was talking.
"If you ever wish me to, Mami... I'll bring you cheese from wherever I am! But if you're in trouble... You'll get cheese from anyone, not just from me. Because you have the right to get cheese. You've given so much, it's okay to receive some now."
That paragraph comes from the Nagisa Momoe Magical Girl Story, and it's weird, right? "You've given so much," she's obviously not talking about cheese there, and I don't think she ever was, so why is she saying that?
The answer for that can be found in the Nagisa's Wish event story. There are two sequences I'd like to highlight here. The first comes early on with Nagisa, sometime before she makes her wish or becomes Charlotte or any of that happens to her. She is shopping for cheese, and she's just a normal human girl. Kyubey is with her and he says that that amount cannot be healthy for her. Nagisa responds:
"These aren't for me. I'm taking all of these cheeses to my mom. I won't be eating them. I actually don't like cheese very much."
Wait, Nagisa doesn't like cheese? Of course she does! That's her whole thing, right? It seems out of character for her but the thing is, the only version of Nagisa we know of outside of this one story is the version of her that existed in the Law of Cycles and afterwards, and while the human Nagisa is ambivalent to cheese, the witch Charlotte is not.
During the epilogue of the Nagisa's Wish event we get a look into her thoughts as she transforms into Charlotte, and this is how it goes:
"Oh, that's right. Where's the cheese? There are so many snacks here. I bet there's even cheese that I've never tasted before."
"Cheese, cheese, where's the cheese? I'm hungry. Where's the cheese? Mommy doesn't have enough love for me. Enough what? Not enough cheese. What Mommy likes is what Nagisa likes."
"Cheese, cheese, where's the cheese? What do I want? I want cheese. I want more love than I could ever carry."
So that gives us a look at how Charlotte the witch thinks. As she transforms and more complicated thoughts fall away she begins to conflate the love she deserved to have with the food she brought her hospitalised mother, attempting to earn it.
And the Nagisa we're familiar with, who appeared in the Rebellion Movie, and who appears in both the Kamihama Cheese Panic event and the Nagisa Momoe Magical Girl Story is not just the human Nagisa who didn't care for cheese, now fully in control of her witch form, but rather a combination of that girl and the witch Charlotte, mentally as well as physically. And because those two versions of her are so inseparable they end up just becoming a single, sort of brand new individual. Witch-face Nagisa is kind of a perfect demonstration of that.
When she channels her witch, she becomes her witch, as opposed to how Sayaka summons hers externally, but when she's like that she's much smarter than she was before they merged; and when Nagisa, in wholly human form wants to tell Mami she has a right to be loved, all Charlotte can do is talk about cheese.
Here's another bit of dialogue from earlier in the Nagisa Momoe Magical Girl Story:
Nagisa: "Mami! One day I'm gonna have my own farm, and make lots and lots of cheese!"
Mami: "I see... That's a great dream."
Nagisa: "And then, and then, I'll get lots of cheese from everyone. So much cheese I can't even hold it all."
Mami: "You're going to make your own cheese, and get it from other people?"
Nagisa: "I have a right to get cheese. So do you. If I can make my own cheese, will you eat it all, Mami?"
That interaction is less egregious than the first one, and on its own could be just a weird conversation with an entitled child about cheese, but with the wider context, I think it's pretty clear that's not what they're talking about, except maybe the bit about the farm? Charlotte does still genuinely love actual cheese as well, after all.
It sort of recontextualises what she said in Rebellion, though, about her reason for coming back.
"I just wanted to eat cheese one more time."
And to combine this with my other theory, that Nagisa still remembers everything at the end of Rebellion, then it makes a lot of sense why she'd want to stay in Homura's fake world. There she can try cheese again one more time with a new family that's willing to share it with her. If she fought against Homura to change things back then that would only mean returning to the Law of Cycles, where there isn't any cheese for her to eat.
Of course, I'm not talking about cheese.
#pmmm#puella magi madoka magica#mahou shoujo madoka magika#Magia Record#MagiReco#nagisa momoe#momoe nagisa#charlotte the witch#bebe#pmmm theory#pmmm meta#meme#art#fan art#my art#Nagisa is still Charlotte the witch#even when she's Nagisa#and it isn't something she can just pretend not to be either#Would the gestalt Nagisa be called a Majo Shoujo?
583 notes
·
View notes
Text
Analyzing Miraculous Ladybug, Episode 1: An Analysis of the Love Square
My friends on discord found out I like analyzing people as both a way to ensure people cant hurt me and as a way to figure out what kind of gift they would like, so they asked me to analyze some of the things in the Miraculous Ladybug Series no clue how many parts of this I’ll do so submit me asks and I’ll work on them :D
@username8746489 asked me my opinion on the Love Square, more specifically if I thought it was healthy or not.
The short version of my answer would be no, I do not believe the Love Square - as the show portrays it - is a healthy relationship. Now I see you Adrinette stans about to reblog this claiming ‘its true love’ but think about it like this; yes they have the possibility to be an amazing ass-kicking couple but their writing is horrid. Lets dissect them individually so we can comprehend how their relationship would function in reality.
Marinette is a canonical stalker, we witness with several times, from Marinette breaking into Adrien’s household (that most likely has a high security system due to the Agreste’s influence) on several occasions.
And instead of intervening and stopping her “bff’s” toxic behavior so she doesn't get arrested later in life Alya enables her behavior and offers her more ideas on how to get with the person she’s ‘meant to be with’.
As mentioned before she broke into Adrien's house and even went through his locker to steal his phone over nothing more than an embarrassing voice message. She also harassed Kagami because she liked Adrien, and caused her akumatization after calling a fencing match (keep in mind the fact that this is Mari’s first day doing fencing and she barely know’s the rules) in her crushes favor even thought it was obviously a tie.
She also constantly berates Chat Noir, who - as we already know - is Adrien, if you cannot love all aspects of someone, even the messy and chaotic sides then you should not be in a relationship. Now this can be justified by the fact that Marinette doesn’t know Adrien is Chat Noir, but it is also no excuse for the way she treats he partner, constantly berating him for every little mistake he makes and treating him like a tasteless sidekick. I get that this is a show about girl power but Ladybug and Chat Noir are supposed to be equals to keep the Creation and Chaos thing in balance right?
And then there is the thing with the pictures, I would understand having one or two pictures of your crush (or maybe more if you are close friends and have taken several photo’s together) but none of the ones in her room are actual photo’s of him, they’re just cut outs from magazine covers Adrien is the center piece of. This isn't anything outright criminal, but it is very odd that instead of making more personal photo’s of him to hang up (maybe them having fun or on a hang out with friends) she chooses to hang up photos of him in his ‘actor mask’.
Now the photo’s are a bit odd but nothing crazy, but what is crazy is the fact she has his whole fucking schedule in her room, like first of all where the fuck did she get it, follow up question why the fuck does she have it. This is extremely alarming and could possibly lead to a court case in reality if someone (like Gabriel or Natalie) were to learn of its existence, Marinette would have a permanent black spot on her record if she didn’t end up being sued (or maybe even arrested) for her actions.
I could bring up plenty more points here such as when she dug through his trash and responded to a poem he had disposed of (then broke into his house to deliver), how she cant even hold a proper conversation with him without foaming from the mouth (something she admits to during the ‘steal Adrien’s phone’ moment), how everything she knows about him most likely comes from A. stalking B. the internet/gossip magazines or C. Alya telling her, how she told Alya to stop taking photos of Adrien unless she sent them to her, and that she confessed her love to him on the anniversary of the day his mother went missing.
But thats enough about Marinette lets move onto Adrien.
Now Adrien has a bit more of an excuse for his less than ideal behavior, he was isolated his whole life and the few relationships he did witness (Chloe and His's Parents) were probably not the best seeing as Gabriel has a tenancy to neglect his child in favor of work it wouldn’t be too surprising if we learned that he neglected his wife as well which was why her condition worsened until she was unsavable and the fact that Aubrey cannot remember her own daughter’s name.
He probably grew up watching rom-coms where the lead love interest bullied/blackmailed/harassed the girl into a relationship and they got married in the end and everything was always ok with no repercussions for their behavior.
Plus Gabriel looks like the type to give the 'its legal if you dont get caught' advice for all the wrong reasons, that accompanied by Chloe ( and later Lila) constantly draping themselves over him like fucking skin shawls, leads to this kid probably having no clue what consent is.
So far he hasn't done anything too drastic for me to fully pull apart and wack with a stick minus the over-the-top flirting, but a lot of boys his age flirt so thats fine so as long as he doesn't touch Ladybug in a non-consensual way he's mostly ok in my book.
All-in-all they would be 100% better people if A) They were with other people B) They seek help for their issues or C) They spoke to one another like normal people, until this is shown in the show I deem it a toxic ship.
(Note: Before you come on my case about there being less for Adrien, please keep in mind that Marinette is the main character of this series not him so of course there would be more to dissect about her. We are walked through her daily life, so we see every misdeed and every creepy stalker-ish moment, while we only see Adrien without her a few times, almost all of which are him transforming, or doing something that with offer a chance for Mari to shoot her shot. Please also keep in mind that this isn’t my entire opinion on the matter, I love the characters but I hate their writing, I also encourage to formulate your own opinions on the matter.)
(note for people who may want to ask for analysis’s, please remember I am just a human and I’m not 100% used to typing out whole paragraphs on fictional stuff and my brain tends to wander a lot, this was written during my ‘big brain hours’ sorry if your request isn’t as well done as you would like it to be)
#miraculous ladybug#character analysis#love square#adrinette#marinette#marinette dupain cheng#adrien#adrien agreste
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jives as High Duke
So Jives gets a second pick and oh my G did i struggle with choosing this one. In the end I'm pretty happy with the decision to give him the Monkey Miraculous
The whole story for how he ended up with having to pick a second time is already on the post about Stingy, who gets the Turtle from Jives, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much
So here are the references for this design
This design came out a lot simpler than it probably should be considering that it's based on the Chinese Monkey King but Jives isn't one for overly flashy and elaborate costumes in my opinion
Also, yes, again, his eyey should be blue but making colour changes to coloured pencil drawings is really hard, I'm sorry
Again, i just did what felt natural to me and in no time this was the outcome. Conclusion: drawing Jives comes very natural to me and i appreciate him for that
Design Notes:
Chest Pattern - i wanted to make the chest pattern here resemble the one he had as Grinder Turtle, this was also a big factor that sold me on giving him this Miraculous. I just think it looks really cool and it connects the two designs in a vague sense
Beanie - my boy Jives always wears some sort of hat, this is no exception. The Monkey Miraculous is a Crown and here it blends in so it now replaces the brim section of the beanie. On second thought it might be a little basic to choose a beanie but it just really suits him, i couldn't think of a better fit. Especially because it goes along really well with the headshape of the monkey i based him on
Toque Macaque - I'll be real with you, I'm not a huge fan of monkeys which makes them one of the few animal species i don't love and also makes the biggest reason i wasn't immediately happy to give my dear Jives this Miraculous xD I'm shallow i know. Anyways. I may not know a lot about monkeys but i knew enough to pick this macaque because the colours go well enough with the Monkey Kwami Xuppu and i liked the markings it has. [coicidentally this specific kind, the Toque Macaque, happens to share its natural habitat with the peacock ;)]
Tail - on his back you see how the rope detailing from his chest and pants combine into the belt and eventually the tail. I wanted the markings to kind of resemble a harness for climbing, i don't think it comes across too well though
Hair - the little bit you can still see of his actual hair coincidentally blends in almost seamlessly with the colour of his costume, that wasn't planned but i like it a lot
Reasoning:
At the point in time where i made the decision that Stingy would take the Turtle Miraculous from Jives i already had most Miraculous assigned to most other characters, in fact i was only really missing one for Ziggy. So spoiler alert i guess for him. I fudged around for a while between the Mouse and the Monkey, both would've worked well with either but in the end settled on the Monkey for Jives for multiple stupid timy reasons. For example the chest pattern i already mentioned, my ship-trash side going "a monkey and a peacock fit together way better aesthetically than a mouse and a peacock would", he and Xuppu would have a funny bro dynamic together etc.
Story:
I already explained why and how Jives loses the Turtle Miraculous to Stingy in my post about the latter so I'll just give a short summary here before moving on
As per usual Jives didn't eat much throughout the day and ends up fainting. This time it's a much bigger deal though. Usually he doesn't actually fully faint, just sway a little, maybe collapse but for the most parts he stays conscious just really weakened. That day the team of new heroes is fighting an important battle when he full on passes out in the middle of it. Luckily Stingy is able to step in to build their defense up again.
Obviously, instead of saying "i eat as little as possible because i have a problem" Jives just shrugs it off and goes "guess i didn't eat enough again, my bad guys, sorry" and thinks it'll be fine. He didn't expect Álfurildi, aka Sportacus, to take this very literal and announce that he planned on having them eat in his airship as a whole group anyway gor team moral and to make sure they're all healthy enough to actually handle a Miraculous. They deduce that must have been the reason Jives full on fainted this time, while going by his usual life he obviously didn't need as much energy as he now needs to be a superhero so the simple solution is to just eat more.
He makes excuses to not eat with the others as often as he can but one day he'd have to actively leave the others to do so as he already is in the airship with them when they start preparing to serve the next meal. That day he actually snaps at Sportacus that he just doesn't want to eat. Unfortunately, thanks to being such a gentle soul and also sensing Jives frustration and hunger Sportacus tries to comfort Jives with the worst thing he could've said. "heroes gotta eat well, so you can become big and strong" to which Jives absolutely loses it. He snaps at him "I'm already too big without eating anything, can't you just leave me alone!" and just jumps out of the airship. By now he already has Xuppu as his new partner so of cause he makes it down unharmed to run off into the forest. Sportacus wants to follow him but Robbie stops him. Robbie, who so far was pretty quiet and reclusive when the teens came to visit, says he will go find and talk to him taking Pixel with him as he is his best friend after all.
I'll spare you the unnecessarily details i cane up with and just say this is the moment Robbie gets to explain how the powers i gave him work and we get to see that he does really deeply care but just can't really express it. They find Jives and thanks to Robbie being able to relate to him about some of his insecurities and Pixel being a great friend he ends up confessing to them about his eating disorder. He never wanted to be the odd one out but never managed to fit in with the others. It's hard to hide you're different when you're towering over your peers so he figured if he just stopped eating he'd stop growing and though it had no positive effect on him he just couldn't stop doing it even after realizing how bad it had gotten.
Going back to the airship together once the situation calmed down a bit and with Jives' permission they let Sportacus in on this secret. As Robbie figured, the local health expert knows exactly what foods wouldn't upset such an empty stomach too badly and they start the process of finding a few good things for Jives to eat so he doesn't break down again.
Name:
Quick, something more lighthearted
When Jives gets his second pick for a Miraculous his eyes fall on the little Monkey, Xuppu. The two pretty quickly get along thanks to Xuppu being a jokester and Jives liking how bro-like they can talk and poke fun at each other. This turns out to be a great pick as this Kwami of Jubilation not only like shouting random noises around just like Jives but is also sassy and straightforward enough to remind him to eat every once in a while by poking fun at him using something Pixel once said to him "I'll not let you eat less than the Kwamis" (yes this part should've technically been in the reasoning section but you kinda need the context of the story for it so i put it here)
So Trixie explains that Xuppu's transformation and powers are based on the Chinese Monkey King (she knows that from the Guardians) but Jives really isn't one for flashy costumes and important titles so not only is his costume more basic than it probably should be but also he wamts to name himself "Duke". Stingy immediately objects "A duke is about as royal as a prince! You're completely underselling this concept. You have to trade with me! You get yoir turtle back. Let me be King!" Xuppu and Wayzz look at each other and roll their eyes, Xuppu then steps floats forward to say "well, he's not entirely wrong. Wouldn't you like to pick something higher?" so Jives chuckles and goes "High Duke". Again Stingy is outraged by this disrespect "that's ridiculous!" but Xuppu laughs and says "no, i like his style! Let's do this!" and so their new duo is established
Look, don't judge me, everyone headcanons Jives with growing not all legal things in his garden so now that he's actually a teen in my au I'm keeping it xD
Thank you so so much for reading so much of my rambling. You're so cool for taking the time to read this!
#Lazytown#miraculous ladybug#Lazytown au#Miraculous Lazybug#revive the lazy#jives junkfood#maggi mjói#Xuppu#Eating disorder#mentioned
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Decided to rewatch the whole series after seeing the finale, here's my thoughts as they come along part 3
There was an old He-man reboot that was cancelled after two seasons, season 3 was being set up as the horde conquering Eternia with He-man and his kingdom being forced into hiding as rebels. Apparently She-Ra would also appear, though knowing that show she'd be lucky to be 1/4th as interesting or engaging as our Adora. I'm saying this because, even though that cartoon was cancelled before it could finish it's story, we were lucky enough to see ours to it's end and in a way that story they wanted to tell exists here with us now. Plus I always disliked that they called themselves "The Rebellion" when they weren't really rebelling against anything, but they are now!
Poor Adora, even after all this time she still has that hero complex eating away at her, telling her she's useless unless she's serving others.
Entrapta's ramblings about space this season are very relatable.
Catra's face when she sees Glimmer be manipulated, you can see so much behind her eyes. Fear for her standing, flashbacks to her own manipulation, shock at how unprepared Glimmer is for this. Love how Horde Prime sees right through her afterwards, she has no power over him.
Poor Entrapta, she hasn't been with the other princesses since season 1, they're opinion of her has been soured by her betrayal and appearance to not care. We know she loves her friends and is trying her best, but the wound is still sore.
Horde Prime using Glimmer's dad as a bargaining chip is extra horrible when you remember that this is when she discovers he's alive.
It's great that the show takes a moment to allow Adora to come to grips with no longer having a clear destiny she can follow. She's so used to being told what to do, this is the first time she's truly making her own decisions. Agency that Shadow Weaver begins to take away from her later.
I love Catra's internal struggles in these first few episodes. She's trying to do what she's been doing, working her way up the ladder, but she can't. Not anymore. Her heart isn't in it, she knows this isn't what she wants, she's just going through the motions. Spending time with Glimmer is the only thing she enjoys, she finally slows down for a moment to just enjoy someone's company and really bond. Her turn to good isn't a 180, we see her mind working and how she comes to the decision of sacrificing herself. Seeing that Horde Prime is a complete psychopath helped of course.
I love how Horde Prime's ship has star themed beds.
I don't know how they did it, but they made Hordak recognizable among the other clones. It's like twins, once you get to know them the difference is obvious. You can look at a clone and see he's Hordak, yet he looks identical to the others. It's remarkable.
These flashbacks Catra has, wandering the empty corridors that her decisions have left her in, it's a testimony to how far she's come that they don't reaffirm Adora's betrayal to her anymore. She wants to absolve herself of her sins, and she decides a sacrifice is the best way. She wants to go out on one good grace, redemption by death, but that action and her apology is what makes Adora sure she still has good in her. Catra has shown she is willing to be good, and that alone is enough for Adora to give her another chance.
This is the first time the best friend squad has been together since Glimmer pulled the queen card, a lot of the wounds are still fresh. I definitely think this is the point Bow and her truly realize they love each other, they probably had a schoolyard crush but the realization of where they are without each other and how much they mean to each other, something really deep sparked here.
The Star Siblings are here to show what life under Prime is like, but also as a quick show of the Rebellion's message expanding. That's a little underdeveloped though, which is mostly a product of time.
Adora's little "she's not my friend" bit is adorable but a bit out of place imo, Adora hasn't really been this outwardly lovestruck over Catra before, and while Adora has decided to give her another chance I don't think that reignition of love would have happened yet.
The thought that Entrapta went out to find that LUVD crystal to bring with her in the slightest hope she would find Hordak and that he would recognize it. Plus the noises she makes and the fact she immediately adopts Wrong Hordak and that we get to see her without her mask, ah she is so cute!
Hive Mind Catra is terrifying and tragic, it feels so violating. He talks about how she wanted Adora to save her, how afraid she was when she was assimilated. We see that numbness and how it would seem appealing to her, but under the cracks Catra is still suffering, and Adora promises to bring her back, tells her how much she cares about her, transforms into She-Ra to save her. And finally, they are together again.
I love Adora constantly checking on Catra, this is the first time in years she has been with her, she just wants to be with her. Catra starts falling back into her old ways though, that anger still persistent, and Adora's honeymoon phase is over already and for a second we're all afraid nothing has changed. You can see Catra doesn't want to make that mistake again, and she finally lets Adora help her, and likewise Adora finally steps back and lets Catra help her too. They've both grown so much, and that growth is what allows their relationship to blossom.
It's great that Spinnerella and Netossa get their time to shine this season. Their arc here parallels Catra and Adora's earlier, and I would say it's unfortunate they have to go through this, but I love the angst.
Double Trouble! Back for a five minute appearance where they admittedly don't do much, but hey they're fun to watch and have some great lines so it's worth it.
Catra in a healthy relationship, with friends that don't fear her and people she sees as equals. People she can just joke around with and be teased by. You love to see it.
Melog is a pretty important addition, as he gives Catra someone that she can fully trust without the baggage from before. He's literally her therapy support pet, and he's the one that stops her from running away again.
Shadow Weaver's little speech here is great, she's been told that the First One's made the magic stronger when they did the exact opposite. It's a commentary on colonialism, "we brought you civilization, our conquest was good actually" is a very common lie.
Catra holding Adora's hand, Glitra kiss, Best Friend Squad hug, Catra's smirk when Adora says she's right. You love to see it.
I love how Noelle made a self-insert character and also decided she should be evil. "So the only person I'm fighting here is... My own wife" is a mega ouch.
I love Wrong Hordak so much, he not only shows how the Horde Clones are just regular people without the influence of Prime but he is also ridiculously cute.
Did I mention how much I love the new She-Ra look? I liked the old one but damn this blows it out of the park.
I will admit the Heart having a failsafe a d Mara having a rebellion of her own is a bit out of nowhere, but it was a nice reveal of the origin of Grayskull.
I'm a huge sucker for friendship saving the day messages I admit. Not the rainbow lazer kind, but that love and kindness reaching through Prime's control is beautiful. Plus it's wonderful for Catra to see what real friendship is like.
This is a great little moment with Castaspella and Glimmer, this is the first time they've seen Micah since his death.
I love Shadow Weaver so much, she sees Adora and immediately shifts into child manipulation mode. This is the first time I'm actually getting pissed at her though, obviously because she's starting to drive her chisel between Catradora but also because she's reversing all the development Adora has had up until this point.
Hordak: "Go, then maybe these memories and imperfections will leave me " Entrapta: "Remember, your imperfections are beautiful!" The fuck I'm crying in the club again.
I love this Catradora moment, "what do you want Adora" "I have to do this". Obviously their relationship isn't going to be easy after all these years, and both these girl's flaws and insecurities are flaring up again and driving each other apart.
Adora tells off Shadow Weaver for good, she ruins people. This is a huge moment for this character, SW has convinced herself she is the good guy and that she is making the necessary actions to save the world, but this is the one moment she really looks back at herself.
"Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me. Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her" oof ouch my soul. That with Adora's memories, it's clear they can't just go back to the way it was anymore. They're love is too important to them now.
My headcanon is that Shadow Weaver is drunk here. She's slurring, she's drinking, her daughter is going to sacrifice herself. Maybe her decision to die was one she made totally wasted lol.
Catra promised Adora she'd look out for her, and the soft version of the promise song in the background. Ow ow ow ow my heart.
Glimbow canon!
Mara is here, telling Adora the same thing Razz told her in the 3rd episode of the entire show. Stop looking for what other people tell you to do, you have a choice.
Spinnetossa, Seamista, Entrapdak. It's cliche, but love conquers all is a message I'll never tire from.
I started tearing up with the Glimmer Micah fight, and full on sobbing when Angella appeared. Something that didn't really stop.
I was mixed on SW's sacrifice, but I think it works. Each of them were trying to take the selfish way out, to die for the ones they love. So it's fitting that SW is the one that does it.
Fuck yeah Hordak! What a monumentous but short lived moment.
CATRADORA!!! God, the confession, how Catra whispers it but how Adora hears it as a scream, how it wasn't Catra that made Adora weak but infact the exact opposite, how they're both so surprised and relieved that these feelings they've felt for years are real and strong and true and reciprocated. It's the best conclusion possible for them and it makes me cry so much.
This beautiful moment, where Adora saves Hordak, the ultimate repayal for him saving her all those years ago. He remembers her. Fuck I'm sobbing again.
Scorpia sees Catra again after leaving her, and of course she hugs her.
And it's over. The best show ever made. Netflix automatically resets your watch history and here I am looking at the button to play Season 1 Episode 1 again. This 1 and a half year journey feels like a millenia, it feels so long ago that Adora first picked up that sword. This is a show I will cherish forever, I can see myself binge watching in the retirement home already.
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
Why do you think the Animorphs fandom doesn't have as many AU stories as some of the other fandoms? I don't mean non-cannon stories, but those where the characters are taken from the Yeerk Invasion concept enitrely and dropped into another sandbox: coffeeshop AU, Hogwarts AU, etc. Even really common additions to the cannon world such as soulmate AUs seem to be less used with Animorphs. Any thoughts as to why?
Reason 1: The characters are 13.
Technically they grow up to ages 16 - 19 before dying horribly the series ends, but their problems and concerns are very much those of actual early adolescents. They don’t drive (not even cheat-driving with mopeds or helicars like in other teen superhero stories), they don’t go on real dates, they don’t have jobs, and they don’t use money except for occasional emergency purchases of shoes or tacos.
Obviously that doesn’t preclude the protagonists from suffering through romantic clichés, but it means that there’s less material to work with than in a series such as Harry Potter or Supernatural where the characters do have these kinds of classic adult concerns. It also means that (and fandalites are classy af so they tend to recognize this) there’s an inherent squick factor in hardcore romance, even in AUs where the characters have been aged to 18+.
Reason 2: There are no love triangles.
Probably the closest we get is Rachel realizing in #27 that she has romantic options other than Tobias… which leads to her realizing that Tobias has what she wants and needs in a romantic partner, whereas a civilian guy simply doesn’t. Other than that, we have the moment in #44 where Cassie realizes that she’s flirting with Yami… which sets up the realization that Cassie might be better off with someone who has more capacity than Jake to make her happy. No one cheats, no one fights rivals, and no one experiences much jealousy.
Characters dealing with their romantic feelings in mostly-healthy mostly-transparent ways, whether in or out of relationships, doesn’t leave much room for rom-com miscommunications and the like. Ergo, there’s no room for characters being forced to date or to confess their feelings by circumstance. Even Jake and Cassie’s unhealthy dynamic remains unhealthy for, like, a book and a half, before they have an amicable post-breakup goodbye in #53. Not much room for romantic angst. Speaking of which…
Reason 3: Do we really need MORE angst? REALLY?
This series is about six mostly well-adjusted kids having their entire lives destroyed by the horrors of war. If angst is your jam, there’s no need to add it by introducing backstory elements or hurt-comfort premises that we didn’t already see in canon. You can literally just grab that time Jake watched his cousin drag his internal organs off the ceiling (#16), that time Cassie killed an innocent prisoner of war on reflex (#19), that time Tobias was tortured into insanity (#33), those times Marco committed matricide (#15, #30, Visser) and you’re off to the races. A lot of fan fiction tropes are all about angst (Tony Stark’s dad never loved him, Stiles Stilinski wishes he was special, etc.) and where Animorphs is concerned, there’s really no need. On a similar note…
Reason 4: Adding ridiculous humor would be redundant.
This is a series where running gags include (but are not limited to): the hawk kid getting his talons stuck to cetaceans when he tries to acquire them, “These Messages” (e.g. commercials) and CinnaBon being the only artistic creations of humanity worth saving, the main villain of the series being a Cat Person, all the Animorphs debating whether it’s cannibalism to eat fried chicken in seagull morph, the resident alien being unsure whether vinegar and motor oil count as beverages, and the kids getting out of obligations with excuses that range from “I have to go buy a nicotine patch before I become a teen smoker” to “my cousin — and not the one you’re thinking — just got into a fistfight with a six-year-old over Raisinets.” Coffee shop humor, de-aging humor, and other whacky fan fic premises simply can’t top what we already have. Not only that, but a lot of the whackier fun AUs — animal transformation AU, gender mashup AU, evil twin AU — have already been done in canon.
Reason 5: The cast is already pretty tight.
By this I mean that the cast is tight in that there are few wasted or tangential characters, and that the cast is tight in that there are few intragroup conflicts. It’s not really possible to “break” the dynamic in ways that would feel organic (e.g. Civil War AU) without losing a ton of what makes the series itself. There are also relatively few minor characters that one can add to the original six’s dynamic in meaningful ways (although yours truly is guilty of trying), because they’re so isolated and codependent. Writing AUs in which the characters just meet for the first time during the fic is... possible, but IMHO would feel deeply weird.
It’s also a fairly fundamental aspect of what makes Animorphs unique that there are no mentors anywhere in the series. The kids get occasional information from Erek or the YPM, but they have NO ONE they can turn to if they want to ask for advice. ALL of their attempts to seek mentors end in said adults revealing themselves to be incompetent (Elfangor, Gonrod, Ithileran), morally bankrupt (Alloran, Arbat), unwilling to help because they have their own agendas (the Ellimist, Toby, Aldrea), or simply less experienced in relevant areas than the kids themselves are (Eva, Jara, Mr. Tidwell, Sam Doubleday). It is possible to add adult characters to the team through crossovers or other AUs — but to do so is to fundamentally alter the structure of the series.
Reason 6: The plot is already pretty tight.
Animorphs isn’t a perfect piece of coherent plotting, but it also doesn’t have any huge glaring plot holes. There’s nothing that the whole fandom agrees needs to be “fixed”: some people want Cassie to be wrong more often, some people would like direct queerness, some people dislike the tragic ending, some people think the late-middle sags, some people want more Tobias-narrated books, some people (*cough* me) want the series to be 55 books long so that Rachel gets to narrate one last story… None of these represents a majority opinion, the way that the “what have you done to our Jaime Lannister!?!?!?” outcry is currently dominating the Game of Thrones fandom to the tune of 800,000+ signatures on the world’s silliest Change.Org petition.
The events of the series follow pretty logically from one another, which means that there aren’t tons of divergences on a single theme, and also that it’s pretty easy to invent divergence points from canon itself. There are occasional modern AUs and college-age AUs, but a lot of the time they have to differ dramatically from the source work to pull off the effect.
Here’s where I acknowledge my bias: I dislike the majority of super-popular AU ideas. Some strike me as harmless romantic clichés (hatebanging AU, accidental dating AU) or wealthy-American-kid clichés (college AU, wedding AU). Some strike me as sacrificing character for plot (fake married AU, sword-and-sorcery AU) or not having much plot at all (wedding planner AU, elaborate-miscommunication AU). Some are downright problematic in their magical codification of power dynamics (omegaverse, sex pollen) or deeply concerning consent issues by definition (soul mates, coffee shop AU). Most of them are perfectly good story ideas, but most of them are not to my taste.
All of these AU ideas can be done well and have been done well, because every cliché becomes a cliché by being genuinely brilliant until overused. I mostly avoid these stories anyway because too many of them are plagued by setting rather than motivation forcing the characters to go from Point A to Point B or even forcing the characters to become romantically involved. So there is a distinct possibility that there are Animorphs stories out there that use these ultra-popular AUs, and I just haven’t encountered them.
#animorphs#animorphs fic#fandom#fan fiction#animorphs fandom#game of thrones spoilers#consent issues#fan lore#q word#there are probably more reasons i haven't thought of#if so hmu
138 notes
·
View notes
Text
Between leaping and falling - part I
There are these points in my life where the continuous changes are sweeping the ground from under my feet. It feels like I am leaping and falling, filling me with excitement and fear at the same time. Everything is transforming, all the time. And even though I want things to change, to evolve, I have a hard time with keeping my balance and staying grounded.
It's like the Universe doesn't plan on throwing just one curve ball at a time my way. Every single time some major change shows its face, it brings forth many, many more.
It makes me realize how quickly I am willing to throw things out of the window that I deemed to be important once, now treating them as insignificant. Like my health, eating and sleeping habits, schedule and structure, hobbies and passions, social life and responsibilities.
It induces stress inside of me, and self-criticism, a voice inside my head telling me that I am not as put-together as I might seem. People's first impression of me is usually one of someone who is organized, responsible, grown-up. The truth is, I can't keep that up. After some months I always fall into that inevitable pit of chaos, and every time I have to build a new ladder to get out.
Lately, circumstances have confronted me with this aspect of myself that I have repressed or avoided to come to terms with. I love to claim that I have the capacity to create structure out of chaos, even helping others cleaning up their mess. But, I have come to the realization that I have a big tendency to be irresponsible, and I know that I judge myself subconsciously because of that.
The way I have started noticing was subtle at first. I had to check myself a few months ago on being to harsh to my new partner, wanting him to "get his shit together" and "make something out of his life," telling him to "break old comfort zones and patterns," and ultimately giving him the feeling that he was not good enough for me, that he had to change his ways to be a suitable partner for me.
Relatively quickly, I put two and two together, seeing that the harsh and direct criticism I gave him, was ironically a projected insecurity about myself. I never looked myself in the mirror, telling myself that I was irresponsible, or to break out of the very obvious comfort zones that I am still in to this day.
Yet, one comfort zone I have been growing out of, my old ways of having a relationship, my interpretation of terms like love, partnership and romance, has been a gateway to seeing things in a much more clearer light.
I have learned to love differently, to accept my partner and his flaws, not wanting to control the narrative or cling onto toxic situations or having attachment issues and insecurities. The relationship I am in today is so peaceful, but eye-opening at the same time, that I have found space to truly transform together with my partner.
Now, I have always had the impression that the type of guys I attracted were Peter Pan's and I was their (more responsible) Tinkerbell, making it more easier to accept adult responsibility and kind of taking up a motherly, nurturing role, taking things out of their hands to let them enjoy that eternal child spirit.
As above so below, now I can see that I, myself, am a very sneaky Peter Pan, pretending to be okay with adulting and the lifestyle that it brings, yet, subconsciously having a huge amount of resistance to actually behaving like an adult.
It's a mechanism based on fear. The fear of behaving like a responsible woman, protecting and nourishing her body and well-being while going after her dreams and ambitions.
The reason why I have this fear obviously dates back to childhood, but more so, it really rooted in my teenage years to early twenties. In that period, I really started to embody a huge irresponsibility towards myself and my life choices, as my household system did not provide me with a healthy sense of self-worth, rather, a huge amount of doubt surrounding my importance in my parents' life, in this world even, and thus, it made me shout and act out desperately to find some sort of confirmation.
For a couple of years, I was a reckless girl, getting herself into iffy situations, not thinking about the consequences, and consiquently, completely destroying anything that was left of my self-esteem and respect. I got myself into debt, ruined my college studies, abused multiple substances, got addicted to smoking, didn't regard my bodily needs, had constant licentious sexual encounters, and neglected my family bonds. Escaping from my reality (and responsibility) was much more important to me than keeping a job, or maintaining a stable income, or just having a structured lifestyle that I could build on.
As a reaction to those "wild' years," I retaliated against myself, and I became fearful of risk, fearful of the unknown, fearful of the future, completely consumed by the past and wanting to control my life, obsessively wanting nothing to change ever again.
This made me cling onto very damaging and destructive relationships and friendships, stagnant toxic family bonds, being stuck in a studio appartment for 6 years because I was too afraid to move, and working a job that drained the life force right out of me.
And there comes life with the slaps in your face. You can't control your narrative. In trying to do so, you resist life itself. In resisting life, you will indirectly create collisions, blow-ups and breakdowns in order for yourself to see that you have no way to "keep things as they were."
The thing is, back then, I was not able to see that the circumstances that I was so desperately trying to preserve, were really not serving me. I have lived 25 years of my life in almost solely toxic environments, thinking that they were good for me. With people that, in retrospect, were more lessons than life paths, yet thinking they were "meant to be," "soulmates," or "friends for life."
It's just delusion to be honest, and that is not something anyone should blame themselves for. You are simply not able to spot the difference if you haven't yet come to a point where the illusion is smashed and shattered.
I was so consumed with finding external love because of this never ending internal lack from it, that I couldn't see al the other aspects that I was neglecting in this human experience. I have been hyper focused on relationships for all my life, craving a life-partner, whilst not being aware of the fact that, in those years, I was clearly not ready to be one myself.
The frustrations and pains that arose because of that, were sometimes just too much to handle. I found myself with my hands in my hair, bashing my head against to wall, wondering what I was doing wrong.
And now, because of my attention being redirected, and the spotlight taken away from romantic relationships and onto me, now I am able to focus on the fears that have been there for ages, but had been overshadowed by the fear of not being loved, and the deep need of external attention and confirmation.
Now that I am in a normal, healthy, loving relationship, with two people sharing the same amount of respect, self-love, need for space and open communication - now, I don't have my head turned or focused there and it's all on me and my life choices.
1 note
·
View note
Text
"God's Peace – In the Midst of the Storm” based on Psalm 107:1-3, 23-32 and Mark 4:35-41
Two years ago at the Upper New York Annual Conference, Bishop Sandra Steiner Ball guest preached for the ordination and commissioning service. She preached on this text, and what she said was memorable enough that I can no longer hear this passage without her interpretation of it.
You may remember that two years ago the United Methodist world was in turmoil over the passage of “The Traditional Plan” at the 2019 Special Session of General Conference. That is, our denomination has been explicitly homophobic since 1972. Thanks to the decades of work by organizers, activists, and people of conscience there was sufficient pressure to create change. A special session of our denomination's global legislative was called to respond to the church's continued exclusion of God's LGBTQIA+ people. There were several proposals on the table that brought positive change, and one that multiplied the harm already being done.
I still remember standing in shock after the final vote was taken, and watching my phone explode with the global news outlet alerts that – as the NYTimes put it “United Methodists Tighten Ban on Same-Sex Marriage and Gay Clergy.” The homophobia of this denomination had already been an abomination, yet people stayed knowing that the best way to bring change was from the inside. It was long, hard work, but we had felt confidence that God's Spirit of Love would win in the long run. The decision to pass the Traditional Plan changed all that, and made it clear that over the long run people of conscience CANNOT stay in a homophobic denomination.
That was February. We were still reeling, grieving, and furious when Annual Conference came. Thanks be to God, we'd also organized, and Upper New York will be sending a very different delegation to the next General Conference (whenever the pandemic allows that to happen). Nevertheless, the conviction remained for progressives and even many moderates: one way or another, we will NOT STAY in a homophobic denomination. One way or another, we will be part of a church that welcomes all of God's people, and soon.
It was into that reality that Bishop Steiner Ball preached. And she did so as a guest preacher in an Annual Conference whose Bishop had been a leader in writing and passing The Traditional plan. She took this passage and asked us to stay in the boat with Jesus. She acknowledged the storm raging around us, she named the reasons we would have to simply bail on the entire endeavor, she made space for hurt, anger, and fear. At the same time, she claimed that Jesus was in the boat with us, in the midst of the storm, and powerful enough to respond to the storm. She believed that Jesus could bring resolution, IF we just stayed in the boat. She offered that while the storm was raging so strongly it could be tempting to just jump into the sea, that the sea itself was not without its own issues. She urged us to stay long enough for Jesus to act, to bring resolution, to find a way forward for the people called Methodists.12
Here we are, two years later, still in that storm, and still with Jesus. The biggest change is that with the global pandemic, we are dealing with multiple storms at once. The storm that is the pandemic keeps United Methodists from gathering to split into different denominations that will be able to live their own faith with integrity. The storm that is the church's homophobia prevents the denomination from being able to speak with moral authority, even of issues of death and dying brought on by the pandemic.
So here we are, in a boat, in the midst of raging storms. But, Bishop Steiner Ball says that Jesus is in the boat with us. Further, she reminds us that Jesus is able to calm the storms.
I am aware that the global pandemic storms, and the global church storms are themselves far from the only storms attacking our boats.
In truth, I suspect that for many of us the storms raging most strongly are inside us. Narratives and traumas from our childhoods continue to attack within. Existential anxiety has its way with us, often in ways we don't even see. Assumptions about others, fear of the the unknown, and a tendency to see enemies were there are only people who are different also keep us on the defensive. The whole world turning upside down on us, not yet being righted, and likely to find a balance somewhere other than where it used to be obviously doesn't help either. People are comforted by the familiar, which means that the past 15 months have been particularly discomforting at exactly the time we've most needed comfort.
Which is all to say that I think there are storms raging within us, probably all of us to a greater or lesser extent.
To support this theory, mental health professionals have never been so busy. Now, I'd say that in an ideal world, we'd all get regular mental health care as a means of simply being healthy. But most of the time, most people don't seek mental health care until they're well into a crisis/storm and can't find their way out alone. So very busy mental health care professionals is a signal that many people are really struggling.
There isn't anything wrong with struggling. It is a human reality. The “Disciple Bible Study” curriculums call such things “the human condition.” There isn't actually anything wrong with being in a storm. It is also a human condition, and quite often it is well out of our control.
That said, being in the midst of a storm, particularly one like our scriptures talk about today are NOT comfortable. These are the sorts of storms that make it seem more likely that death is on the horizon than life.
And Jesus sleeps through it.
Either he was beyond exhaustion, or he was living non-anxious presence or both. Impressive, Jesus.
The story says Jesus awoke, rebuked the storm, and rebuked the disciples. I feel like it forgets to tell us that he then curled back up and went back to sleep. The storm was silenced. The disciples were awed.
I wonder if any of the storms that rage within us are ones that God would be happy to silence and bring to peace, if we were willing to let God do it. I suspect so. Some storms we are aren't ready to let go of. Some storms just aren't done yet. But some of them are only causing us harm, and are ready to be silenced.
Can you tell? Can you feel any of them that have run their course and would be response to “peace, be still!”? Can you even imagine what life would be like without that storm?
To go back to the storm we started with, I learned about the church's homophobia when I was 13, and started working against it then. I have worked for and dreamed of being a part of a big-C Church that welcomes, affirms, and loves all of God's people. You have too. This church has been explicitly committed to changing the UMC's life-denying policies for 25 years now, and was already committed to it before then too!
Yet, it boggles my mind to try to imagine life without this fight – or at least changing this fight from one fighting explicit policy to fighting implicit bias. My identity will need a reboot.
And I think that's often true of our internal storms too. We're used to them. They're familiar. They're a part of who we are, and we aren't entirely sure who we'd be without them.
But, friends, that's exactly what God is there for. God doesn't want to leave us in the pain of the past, or even the anxiety of the present. God is a source of healing, and energy of revival, a vision for wholeness, a hope for the future. Some of the things we're afraid to give up, God is ready to take away.
God's peace is stronger than the storms. God's peace can hold its own EVEN in the midst of the BIGGEST storms. It has a different kind of strength. It has a deeper kind of being.
So I invite you, to hear the words of Jesus resound in your soul. “Peace, be still.” And I invite you to listen to see what storms God has silenced. Because God is up to good in you, in us, in the world, and when we make space for it, God can transform even the most hurting parts of us. Thanks be to God!
Amen
1Please note that these are my memories of a sermon I heard 2 years ago. As memories are faulty, and tend to have holes filled in with one's own assumptions, this is likely a high bred of what she said and what I wanted to hear and remember.
2 I take no authority to tell anyone they need to stay in the UMC boat. There are good reasons to leave, all the more for people who are LGBTQIA+. I'm sharing that it was meaningful to me, knowing that I'm not the center.
#Thinking Church#Progressive Christianity#Bishop Sandra Steiner Ball#Upper New York Annual Confernece#FUMC Schenectady#schenectady#umc#Sorry about the UMC#Rev Sara E Baron#Stay in the boat with Jesus
0 notes
Note
i just saw a tou///ken shipper say that to kaneki, tou///ka doesn't only mean "love" but also home, family, a reason to fight, and she's the hope he was looking for. even had the audacity to imply that kaneki isn't suicidal/ill anymore since they got married and that if she really did die then kaneki wouldn't mind dying because he wouldn't have a "home" to return to. idk where they got this idea that she's his whole world and without her, he'd die. it's so annoying and sad to see :/
Sometimes people confuse real love and the need of being loved. I believe Ka//neki is still suicidal and obviously mentally ill. Sex, marrying someone and having a baby with them, doesn’t mean that now you’re cured. Sometimes I get the feeling that people don’t realize how much of a fucked up life Ka//neki had. He was abused, transformed into a ghoul, had to live as a ghoul when he didn’t want to and got stabbed in the head and forget his memories because of Arima, and when he got them back, he had to live (and lives) with the thought that he killed Hide. Tell me, isn’t that a fucked up life? If you think all of that can cure depression, you’re stupid and don’t know how depression works. I had depression and I was abused. Someone who has lived a life, being abused and having depression, will most likely know how it feels.
If Ka//neki doesn’t mind dying, I doubt it will be because of her. Now that his best friend is back, It’s even harder to see him dying because he lost someone he had a toxic relationship with. Their relationship didn’t had development, not a little bit, If Ishida at least tried to do so, I think they would understand each other better, and that’s one of the reasons why he fucked up.
They don’t even have chemistry. In canon I can’t ship it, but when I see fanart of them, sometimes I think it’s a little bit cute, even if I don’t ship it. Now, her character got so poorly written and that’s sad, because I used to like her, see how much I liked her that I wanted to cosplay her last year, lmao.
I understand and respect people who ship it, they can ship whatever they want, it’s none of my business. My problem with them is, some of these shippers seem not to understand that not everyone sees their relationship in a romantic way, that we have our own opinions and point of view. And they will attack you with the “you’re just salty that your gay ship isn’t canon”. Hell no, I couldn’t care less about my ship not becoming canon, I care more about them being happy and taking care of each other, even if it means they are only going to be friends. I prefer to see a healthy relationship between the two characters and express their feelings, being able to tell what’s on your mind without fear. And I believe that’s something HideKane doesn’t have right now and back then when Ka//neki got transformated into a ghoul. He wasn’t honest with Hide, neither was Hide honest with him. They had so many moments to talk about it, but it’s obvious if it was me, I wouldn’t tell my best friend I am a ghoul, so I understand how Ka//neki felt at that time. Like I was saying, the fuck are you saying i’m salty because my gay ship didn’t became canon? No, before that, I also want to see more male x male and woman x woman relationships becoming canon, yeah that’s true. But also, don’t call someone “fujoshi” when they clearly aren’t. We want some LGBT representation, it is that hard for you to understand?
And there are actually people out there who ship based on chemistry, not because they look good together. Even if the biggest ship in the fandom becomes canon or not, if they don’t have chemistry, people who ship based on that, are obviously not going to ship it. We should be able to give our points of view on a ship we don’t like or ship, respect us and we will respect you. Talk with us with good maners. (Of course, if someone doesn’t treat you with respect, you aren’t obligated to treat them with respect neither. But, don’t make the other shippers seem like pieces of shit because one of them treated you like that.)
So… yeah. The only reason why I ship Hidekane is because of their powerful chemistry. At least, I admit their relationship isn’t fully healthy, but they sure do have potential to be together. And their flaws. But that’s something some people seem not to understand, their ship isn’t healthy at all and they have flaws, if they at least admited it, the “hate” would be less. (I’m not talking about Hide and Ka//neki.) This is my opinion.
That’s all I can say right now. I most likely will edit it or make another post if I have to say anything again.
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
Have you ever written, or consider writing any Karolsen first time? If not could it possibly be a prompt for the future? bc right now with m**-** having sex with Kara, girls who sleep with guys need more than anything, an actual respectful guy as an example. They need to know that if he doesn't respect them, he will never be good enough. They need to know that guilt-tripping them is not a reason to give him a part of themselves. They need to know that, like Kara, they deserve James & not m**-**
It’s been a couple of months since Kara and James went on a first date that had Kara terrified, that had Kara anxious, that had Kara nearly running – or flying – away from feeling, from risking everything, faster than Alex could talk her down.It’s been a couple of months since Kara’s accepted that maybe, just maybe, she can truly be both – be Kara and Supergirl – with someone who’s not her sister or her platonic best friend.It’s been a couple of months, and Alex approves.
Alex loves James a lot more than she’s willing to admit.Loves him because he has never looked at her sister as anything less than capable; he has never looked at Kara with anything less than respect; he understood, without hesitation and without question, that Alex would rather die than fail to save Kara from the Black Mercy, and she knows, she knows, that he understood because he would have made the same decision.And Kara’s been happy, been more bubbly – she didn’t know that was possible – since she calmed down from her initial cold feet, since she took Cat’s advice to dive into being a reporter, into being Kara Danvers, through her whole life, her entire life.But the fact remained that her little sister isn’t only Kara Danvers, and that? That’s been keeping her from… certain things… with James.Alex knows. And she’s offered absolutely no help for the situation, because she likes James, loves him, but she still needs to be absolutely sure that he won’t hurt her sister romantically. Sexually.She gets sure the night she’s at the bar grabbing root beers for her and Maggie, and James is getting club soda and beer for him and Kara, and the new guy from Daxam is slinking over the bar, bartender’s towel draped over his shoulder, leaning conspiratorially into James.“Come on, you can tell me: is it just so amazing, or what? Like, getting to bang Supergirl? I mean, that must be – ”“Dude, listen, I know you’re new here, but that’s not… that’s not how I talk about women, and anyway, we haven’t… we’re not…”“Oh, oh, no no no, I get it. Is it Earth custom to not want to talk about your women, is that – ”“No, man, it’s… it’s not an… Earth or Daxam thing, it’s just a… it’s a healthy, respectful relationship thing.”Alex bites her lip and sighs down at the bar with a soft smile on her face, and it’s that night that she takes her little sister aside.“Kara, listen, um… I know you and James haven’t… haven’t gone all the way yet – ”Kara straightens and adjusts her glasses. “Okay, wow, we’re talking about this, okay – ”“Is it… it’s because you don’t want to hurt him, right?”“Hurt him? Alex, I could kill him, you know what happened in college when I made out with – ”“Yes, I know, I’m practically still scrubbing the blood from his nose off my hands. But I’m saying… Kara, if you wanted to be more… intimate with him…. and obviously you don’t have to, you know that – ”“I know, Alex, Maggie gave me the talk last week, and the week before that, and I’m pretty sure she gave James a talk, too – ”Alex grins at the idea of her girlfriend taking an active role in sistering her little sister. “Yeah yeah, I know, but Kara, what’s I’m saying is… if the only reason you’re not having sex is because he’s human, I can help with that. Red sun lamps. I can install them at your place. Or his. If you wanted.”Kara’s eyes go wide and Alex watches her mind whirl and her body temperature rise, and she brings a ladder and the red sun lamps over first thing in the morning.“Kara, we don’t… we don’t have to do this tonight, you know. Just because Alex installed the lamps – which actually are pretty good mood lighting, too – you know that doesn’t mean we have to do anything.”It’s been a long day and James has his arm around her as they kiss, her hands running up his shirt and his entire body stiffening with restraint.Kara pulls back from their kiss and presses her forehead to his, grinning and taking off her glasses. “James, you’re not… you’re not going to hurt me.”James pffts and pulls back and shakes his head. “Kara, you’re Supergirl, I – ”“I know I am, and I know you respect that, but I also know that with the red sun lamps, all you can think about is how you’re scared to hurt me because you don’t know the limits of my body without my powers.”“That’s…” James wilts and sighs and grins slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m thinking about.”“Okay, and I get that. And I like that you’re worried about that. I like that you’re worried about me. But James…” She licks her lips and she gulps and she puts her hand on the back of his neck and pulls him closer to her slightly. “You can learn my limits. I trust you.” She brings his hand softly from her cheek to her waist. “I trust you. I… I want you.”“Tell me. Tell me whenever you don’t like something, whenever you need to stop. And we will. I promise. Okay?”Kara melts and nods and breathes deeply, slowly, in time with James.“Yeah.”He gulps and glances around her apartment. “You um… you deserve better than your couch.” She arches an eyebrow and his eyes flash. “For now,” he smiles, and Kara giggles. “Your bed?” he asks, standing and offering her a hand.“Thank you, kind sir.”James chuckles and Kara presses her body into his chest, his arms, relishing the way his entire body vibrates with his laughter.“Kiss me?” she asks, and he complies.It’s slow and it’s soft and it’s nothing if not tender, but Kara parts her lips and James’s tongue grazes hers slightly and she gasps quietly because god, god, god, she doesn’t have to worry about breaking his nose and she doesn’t have to constantly be running physics equations in her head to make sure she doesn’t break his skin with her nails and nothing has ever felt as amazing as his perfect lips on hers, so she gasps again, again, pulling him closer, and James’s hands tighten around her waist, her back, and Kara grins into his mouth.“Something you want?” she flirts, her voice thick with her own shock, her own excitement, that something can feel this incredible, that she can let go this much. His eyes are sparkling with a raw passion she’s never seen, and she knows he must feel it, too.“Kara Danvers, all I’ve ever wanted is to make you happy.”She bites at her lip and tugs his hand as she walks backward toward the bed, relishing the way she doesn’t have to worry about dislocating his shoulder as she does so.“So make me happy,” she whispers, and god, he does.She leans back on the bed and he hesitates before kneeling on the mattress in front of her. She nods and she tugs at the hem of his shirt questioningly, and she can’t help the moan that escapes her lips when he tugs it off in one easy gesture, because she’s seen him shirtless before, but now? Now she can touch him the way she wants to, without restraint, without fear, and god, she wants to.“Undress me,” she says, and it’s soft and it’s partially a question and it’s partially a command and James swallows several times and she wonders if he was this reverent with Lucy and thinks she might ask her next time they have lunch but then his hands are on her lips and he’s pulling gently at the hem of her shirt, and his eyes are locked into hers.“Stop me whenever you want to, Kara,” he tells her again, and she nods impatiently and he grins and he starts lifting up her shirt. She sighs in relief but then whines when he doesn’t just tug it off like he did his own. He chuckles again, but this time, it’s with his lips against her stomach, and she gasps and she forces her body still before remembering that sweet Rao, she doesn’t have to under these lamps, so she lets her back arch, lets her stomach rise to meet his perfect lips, and when a strangled moan escapes them, she can’t help but breathing out his name. For each centimeter of skin he reveals with his almost agonizingly slow stripping of her clothes, he has soft kisses and softer nips and she breathes into his every motion, his every instant worshiping her body, worshiping her.When her shirt is finally above her head and his gaze settles to her blushing chest, he pauses and his eyes are more intense than she’s ever seen him, and she’s seen him in his Guardian armor.“Still good?” he asks, and she giggles slightly.“Please proceed,” she tells him, but her laughter is cut off abruptly and transformed into an ecstatic gasp when he lowers his lips to her breasts, over her bra at first, but, at her whimpering and back-arching and whispered urgings, he tugs the straps – slowly, slowly – off her shoulders and reaches behind her – she’s never arched her back up quicker – to unhinge her bra, unhinging her in the process.“James,” she sighs, and he just shakes his head as he looks down at her. “You are so beautiful, Kara,” he whispers, and she expects him to go straight into an exploration of her breasts, but instead his lips come down to meet her own, and she can’t tell how long they kiss, skin to skin, chest to chest, but she knows it’s the best thing she’s ever felt, and she knows she wants more.She reaches down to his belt buckle and he hisses and freezes, and she pulls her hand back immediately.“Do you want – ”“I don’t want to pressure you, Kara – ”“I’m pretty sure you didn’t move my hand there, James,” she smiles softly, and he chuckles, his face utterly wrecked for her, and she loves it, loves it, loves him.“If you want to, Kara, then yeah. Yeah, please.”She undoes his belt slow and she undoes his belt without breaking eye contact with him, and he bites his lip and she loves it, loves watching him restrain himself, because god is it going to feel amazing when she tells him – again – that he doesn’t have to.“Can I?” she asks, his jeans unzipped and her fingers in his belt loops. He arches his hips off the bed and helps her tug his jeans down, and she bites her lip at the sight of how badly he wants her.“I want you, too,” she tells him, because suddenly he seems somewhat bashful, and she brings his trembling hands to her own jeans, and god does it feel good to be in nothing but underwear with him, but it’s going to feel even better to be wearing nothing with him.“Kara, you’re sure?” His eyes are a map of raw desire and a map of raw concern, and she brings her lips up to meet his. “Yes.”And she was right – being naked with him does feel more incredible than anything she’s ever done, because god she doesn’t have to worry about saving the world or restraining herself to avoid ruining her world; she just has to worry about her, about him, and them.And that? That’s not a worry at all.
Because it’s both adorable and incredibly sexy when he asks if he can go down on her, and if she didn’t understand the appeal of someone’s tongue between her legs before, she does now, because he is alternating between circles around her clit and straight-up pressure to her clit, moaning at how wet she is, his eyes never leaving her face, his hands reaching up to tease her nipples, to make sure her entire body feels incredible, and it does, god, it does, and when she whimpers that she needs more, he is so gentle when he slips his tongue inside her, even gentler when he slips one finger, then – at her begging – two, three, and he brings his tongue back to his clit and she doesn’t have to worry about breaking his fingers or his jaw or his nose when she cums hard and fast and thorough, pulsing around his fingers, coating his tongue with how good he’s making her feel, and he smiles into her body and she tugs him up to kiss her, because she’s not done, not done, not done.
She giggles when he fumbles with the condom wrapper and she giggles harder when he asks if she’s on birth control, not that he could get her pregnant, could he, and is there even Kryptonian birth control, but he just wants to be sure, and he’s rambling, isn’t he, and she frames her face in her hands and she doesn’t worry about straining the muscles in his neck as she pulls him back down for a kiss.“James. You’re not going to hurt me, and you’re not going to get me pregnant, and Alex tells me that she had you STI tested and you’re good to go, and so am I, so if it’s all the same to you, I’d really like to – ”“Wait, she was testing for STIs? She said it was because I got scratched by that alien last week – ”“James, can we maybe not discuss my sister right now?”“Right.”He kisses her soft and she kisses him harder, and she flips him over and he hisses and she pauses and he grins – “No, no, that was a good sound, Kara” – and she holds his wrists down until she needs to feel his hands on her body, needs to feel his hands all over her, because I want you, please, James, please, and she doesn’t have to worry about restraining herself when he slips inside her again, slow and controlled and gentle and constantly making sure it doesn’t hurt, that it feels amazing, and sweet Rao it does, and she controls the rhythm, the depth, the pace, and his head tosses back into the pillow and he moans her name and she feels amazing and she collapses over his body to kiss his neck while she brings him deeper inside her, as deep as she’s been wanting to take him, and he asks and she nods desperately so he brings his hand between their bodies and he pressures her clit with his thumb and she spills over the edge again at the exact moment he does, because god nothing’s ever felt like this before, and god, she loves him, loves him, and she’s pretty damn sure that, if the look in his eyes is any indication, he loves her, too.She kisses him as he pulls out of her after a few long, long minutes of just breathing, breathing, trying to breathe, and he kisses her lips, her eyes, her nose, her forehead, before getting up to toss the condom. He returns with two glasses – one of orange juice and one of water – offering both to her. “Wasn’t sure which you’d want.”She goes for the orange juice and he smiles as he gulps some water and sets it on the bedside table, laying back down next to her, holding her, kissing her.“Was that okay?” she asks softly, because he’s smiling and he’s sweet, but he’s always sweet, what if he’s just being polite, what if – “That, Kara Danvers, was amazing. For you?”She beams and does a tiny dance and he laughs and shakes his head and reaches for his phone. “Yeah,” she says, but her brow furrows, her eyes on his phone.“Oh, no, I’m not that guy,” he says, flipping the screen so she can see what he’s doing. “I’m not gonna ghost on you by disappearing into my phone, I’m just ordering pizza and potstickers. Because I figured – ”He doesn’t finish his sentence because her lips crash into his, and they kiss until it dissolves into laughter, because this? This is perfect.
85 notes
·
View notes