#like youve taken away all his personality....... i miss my boy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyitsyn · 4 years ago

Text

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

‘DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

296 notes · View notes

neo-shitty · 3 years ago

Note

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

3 notes · View notes

pixelwisp-archive · 4 years ago

Note

please omg I'm begging, give us another "hq teams loose their manager"

i quite literally pissed myself laughing, tears steaming down my face as i read the first one!!! 😭

what if part two had inarizaki and karasuno?

for karasuno im thinking that what happens is that at nationals takeda is handing out passes to get into the court and its like that one scene in home alone 2 in the airport, but for the headcanon it would be that takeda sensei has lined them up and is getting them to pass the passes down the line to y/n who needs theirs and they slowly all realise that they left the reader behind at the gym they were at before they left. so its first handed to daichi, to suga, to asahi and eventually to a concerned yamaguchi at the end of the line who slowly turns around to an unbothered tsukishima and says "tsuki... they're not here..."

when its passed up to the front of the line again, panic instantly ensues. takeda has full on fainted thinking hes going to get his teaching license taken away, yaichi is spiraling about never seeing you ever again and ukai is tempted to start chain smoking out of the pure stress of the situation. kiyoko is the only level headed one present.

for inarizaki, im thinking they go to a waterpark. sumu and samu and too concerned arguing about who gets to go down the water slide with you in a pair first with their arms around your waist to notice youve gone. once they realise, its a competition to see who can "rescue" you first as if there isnt a possibility you're drowning in one of the massive pools. suna is trying to call and text you as if your phone isn't in a locker, akagi is climbing the lifeguard tower to try and scout for you, poor puppy is short so he needs the vantage point. meanwhile kita is with the most impassive face ever "akagi get down. now..."

aran is the first to notice you've gone missing because you asked him to hold a towel for you for a few minutes while you go to the bathrooms to fix your swimsuit and he realises youve been gone for too long. it all come to a head when aran tells suna and they both decide to go check on you, only to find youre outside the door to the bathrooms getting hit on by some random person, visibly uncomfortable. all suna has to do is get the twins attention and tell them whats going down for them to be sprinting in the "don't run zone" past three lifeguards getting kitas attention on them and now theyre both puffing their chests out as a display of dominance infront of the asshole whos hitting on you.

ps: sorry i sorta just wrote this all for you... there's no pressure to do this one btw xx

STOP THESE ARE SO FUNNY OH MY GOD - Karasuno’s mass hysteria when they discover you’ve been left behind would be so freakin’ funny oh my god 😭😭😭

I actually had a water park scenario in mind and was originally gonna use Fukurodani for it but omg, Inarizaki is perfect! I also wanted to write what happens when the Shiratorizawa team goes camping, please the chaos that would ensue - no one would come out the same LMAO

it’s super likely that I’ll make another part! I know @confusedturtle is planning on posting some too, this headcanon came from their brilliant brain <3

I live for the pure, unbridled chaos that these boys exude every damn day

#seriously this made my fucking day oh my god lmao #ac-haikyuu #whispers #ask:hc #ask:requests

4 notes · View notes

sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago

Text

Life After Snowpiercer: Whos Left?

Summary- 5.3k. Curtis x Y/N. Curtis takes Yona and Timmy towards the back of the train, finding unexpected survivors along the way. You are caught in a situation not so simple to escape from. Violence

a/n- The scenes involving gun fire, I cant claim to know exactly how they work, seeing as Ive never dealt with them, so details might be sketchy.

Chapter 5 / Masterlist

The group followed you, but hell if you knew where you were going, more and more people came out of the cars scattered around, equally in as much shock as you. Somewhere someone was wailing uncontrollably, there was still who knows how many guards in the car you all left, and right now the mix of people looking at You, of all people to tell them what to do. It was just overwhelming. Almost to much. You could feel your breathing rush in hurried huffs, and your senses starting to swarm.

Babygirl Breathe.

Curtis Its to much.

Think, you need to get them out of the cold first, Shelter. Pick the best car.

Okay....

“Alright everyone were not gonna last out here, and its gonna be dark soon.” Shadows were starting to stretch around you all, and the sky above you all was going from a bright blue hue to purplish and bits of stars were scattering around. When you looked up, it was still like out of a dream. When did you last gaze at stars? “Is there any car anyone knows of that might have food, blankets... anything?”

Everyone looked among one another, when someone you were least suspecting to see stepped forward, Paul, who had been taken from the tail end years ago cleared his throat. “That one on the end, its full of protein bars, the machinery is all broke, but that one and the one behind are still connected together when I came out, and it was abandoned before Curtis came through. Plenty of room for all of us.” You nod in agreement, and sure everyone stayed together, you all moved as a group. Falling back to where Paul brought up the rear, you walked beside him, silent for a bit.

“Paul... have you been in that car this whole time?” You did the math, it was five or six cars up if the old maps in Gilliams place were correct.

“Yea, it wasnt a bad gig” The man shrugged his shoulder. “Lonely, but I still got to see people a few times a day. They came to collect the bars, hand me the red letters.”

Your brows come together, the ones Curtis depended on. “Red letters, the ones giving us clues on how to break out?”

“Oh I dont know what they said, I was just told to place them in random bars and make sure they went out to the tail end.” Paul just stated as if it was common knowledge.

Fucking hell, this whole time it was a set up. The thought occurred to you, the weight of it was so heavy in your chest, you held back a sob. All those hours Curtis planned around the information sent. All of it just a set up. Why?

“How was Curtis when he went through?” Was he okay? How long ago was this? Must have been a couple days ago at least.

“He was fine Y/N, shocked to see me, and and pissed about the red letters, but hey, I do what Im told. Okay, this should be the one.” He broke away from you, and climbed up to the door, ducking inside. You glance over your shoulder, and your old car is barely in view, and you could see a few men standing near it, but unable to really tell if it the armed guards. Hopefully they are unable to get there shit together and try anything. Luckily you and the kids had a good amount of weapons collected before you bolted to the outside.

Paul called from inside “Y’all can come on in.” Sara limped up next to you, pressing a red rag to her shoulder, looking up. “I’m gonna need help this time” You nod and lope an arm around her waist, feeling her weight lean into you. “I got you this time Sara, were in this together.” The woman flashed you a grateful smile, and together you two wait for the crowd to disperse inside. Once it was just the two of you, you climb up first and reach back, taking her good arm, and as quickly as you were able, you help her up into the doorway, and together you two enter.

It was dim, but nothing like the tail end darkness, so your sight adjusts quickly, already people are huddling together, passing along protein bars, and mostly its quiet except for the occasional hushed whispers. The person wailing endlessly had since stopped in one of the many cars you all passed. Exhaustion and Shock kept you from searching them out. You should, guilt eats at you. But you turn away from the door for now, checking over the people instead. So far all the kids, including a few from the other cars all seemed fine. You knew Sara was bad off, and you found a few others with lacerations, bad bruises and concussions, and at least two who had a shoulder thrown out of joint. But the reports of those that couldn’t be helped was outstanding.

The one thing you were relieved to find was that no one seemed to be fighting. It was a mix of all sorts of factions, there were at least ten cars that dropped, and it ranged from you tail enders, a few from the prison section from what you could tell by there clothing, and a few “lower class” carts that were still much better off then you all were. But now everyone simply were together, there was no breaking of class. Hopefully it would just stay that way. All in all, there were about 30 of you crammed in as tight as possible to stay warm.

You moved back to the entrance and set on the edge, with the gun you had brought with you, keeping an eye on the landscape. Watching for any others to follow there trail, friend or foe. You roll up the collar of your coat you were wearing. It wasnt keeping you very warm, but better then nothing. Your eyes half closed hours later, and nodding off.

It was so damn cold...

I know it is baby, you should close your eyes.

Liar, thats just my mind playing tricks.

All you could hear was his agreeing laughter, yea you couldnt sleep.

“Miss?” A warm hand came to your face, the back of it touching your wind burned ruddy cheeks, making you gasp in surprise and jump slightly.

“Wh-at? Oh sorry... I must have nodded off.”

The man smiled, settling down in the doorway across from you, his jacket was slightly heavier, but still clouds of breath escaped him to glide into the night. “Its okay, you should let me take over for a while? I know we dont know each other, but its not on just you to watch. I can help any more that might arrive inside.”

You eye him, and he had warm eyes from what you can tell, god you wish you knew if you could trust him. “Im not just looking for more survivors. Our tail end was being held under guard. When we left, it was escaping them as well. Not many survived, but enough.”

“Yes, we saw the guards come through after the revolution passed through.” Another sign of Curtis, further up from Pauls car. You couldn’t help but smile hearing about him, fuck you missed him terribly. You hid your smile in your coat, finally it passed and you turned back to the man. “He is a stubborn man when he wants something. And he wanted us out of the tail end.”

“That he does, we had no cause to stand in there way, he passed us peacefully. Some of out people actually joined his cause. Its not as bad as your car, but we are tired of the imprisonment as well. My name is John by the way.” He held his hand out, and you unfolded yours from your sleeve, shaking his and gave your name as well. You werent going to give up your post, and he relaxed on the opposite side, apparently not willing to leave. You two were quiet for a time, when piercing through the night was the worst sound youve heard in a while. It kareened from the top of the cliff, a scream that echoed around the valley you were all stuck in.

It made you jump up, leaning out of the doorway to look up. And John did the same, cussing softly “Fuck what was that?” You shook your head.

“Nothing good.... “

During the time You were settling the survivors in the car, Curtis paused panting, it had long since grown dark out, following the light of the stars above them, it made the snow glow silver, stretching out in front of them. The train didn’t seem this long when he was fighting his way through the cars. Of course then it was adrenaline fueling him on. This time it was exhaustion. “Timmy, lets take a break buddy.” The boy on his back tightened his arms around Curtis neck, not wanting to let go, muttering sleepily in against his neck. “Okay... just swing around man.” Curtis coached him, and soon he had the boy slid around to his chest, stepping over to stand next to Yona, who was already curled up against the side of the train to get out of the wind. She needed more clothes, better clothes, fuck.

“Yona, take Timmy... “ Curtis pried the boys arms from around his neck, and she sleepily reached up to take the kid, drawing him into her. Curtis shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over them. Looking into the dark car they were huddling against, maybe there was some blankets in there. He heard rustling inside, but nothing more. Grabbing an outside bar, he pulled himself into the entrance to look inside He couldn’t make out anyone in the shadows, but that meant nothing. “I’m coming in, I don’t want any trouble.”

Hearing nothing more, he slid inside, it didnt look like he was going to have much luck. Nothing but bodies scattered around, and axes, the smell of blood, dried blood prominent. Shit, this was the car from the bridge. Thats when he saw that the tied prisoners he had left behind were killed to, deep ax cuts to there neck, squatting near one, he studied the man, drawing his own conclusions. They must have finished off the rest after he left. Breathing in deeply and rubbing a hand against his face. They had the right to after all the torture they had endured over the years, but part of him was still disappointed in the death. So much fucken death.

At least it was quicker then starving and shit, he thought.

Its still wrong Curtis, they were unarmed at this point.

Yea I know, but can you blame them. We were unarmed and starving in the tail end and they never gave a shit.

A touch of your hand and sigh, you just were so damn tired in his mind.

“Curtis?” a voice from the other end mentioned, and he pushed to a stand, brows furrowed at the noise, he swore he heard his name. “Hello?”

“Curtis! back here!” It was louder, more urgent. He recognized that voice, Tam from the back, she had come up behind them once the fighting was done, helping the injured. Curtis made his way over the scattered bodies and debris scattered around, and what did he find, fuck he found a small group of his people, helping one another up, and others laying out side by side, ones that had injuries, preventing them from moving to much. Tam moved to grasp Curtis pulling him into an affectionate hug “Damn are we glad to see you! We lost most everyone Curtis, were all thats left. They came back through and pinned us down, claimed 74 percent of us were to be killed.” The tears streamed down her face freely, as she released him and pulled back. “they were about to march us back when the train, I’m guessing went off the track? It caught them unaware enough we were able to fight back. There wasn’t many.... but we just didn’t know what to do, what was ahead, if you, Tonya, Nam... the rest were still alive?”

Curtis shook his head, swallowing down the sorrow. “No, they didn’t make it. Its just me, Yona, and I was able to get Timmy back. Not Andy, I never saw him.”

Tams head hung for the loss of there friends, and Curtis turned his attention back to the door. “I got to go get Yona and Timmy, now that I know its you all, we we will stay here. Tomorrow those that can, we are going to see about whats left of the tail end. I was told they went over a cliff... but I have to know.”

Tam nodded, as well as a few others that came to join in the conversation, Curtis questioned. “No ones seen Y/N, have they?” Maybe you didn’t listen, he could hope.

“No, she stayed in the back with the kids.... just like you told her she had to.” They had all seen you drag her back into Gilliams quarters just before it all started. Curtis sighed to himself, not his finest moment thinking back on it. It tore him to think now how you two left things. How you might not be....

STOP IT! You cant think that way.

I shouldn’t have done that babygirl, left you in anger.

No WE shouldn’t, we will fix this, go get the kids now.

Turning away from the group, he made his way back, and looking out the door, he saw his two charges still under his jacket, hiding away. “Timmy, Yona, lets get inside, its safe.” Yona first poked her head out from there little hideaway, and pushed Timmy into a stand, the two of them making there way to the entrance. Reaching down, Curtis grasped Timmys arm and hauled him up the side, pulling him in “Go all the way to the back, Tam and them are up there.” The boy nodded and started to head towards the back, Curtis leaned down and took a wrapped Yoda by the arm, and she was slightly heavier, grunting with the effort and pain lacing his ribs as she scrambled best she could up the side, landing with a oof when she fell in. “Sorry Yona” He apologized while she brushed herself off and made to take off his coat to return it. “ no you hang onto it for now. I will take it back tomorrow morning. Maybe they have something back there you can use before we head out.”

“But your gonna freeze Curtis” Her head tilted, studying him. He dismissed it with a shake of his head and together they headed back to the group. Tam was kneeling next to Timmy, cupping his face and studying some of the bruises on his face. The boy was starting to come out of the trance state Curtis first found him in, talking more. He had yet to ask about his mother, and Curtis figured right now it would be to much to have that discussion, Not yet anyways. If he wasn’t asking, Curtis was content to let it just stay silent till they were all in a better place.

“Our wounded, how bad are they?” Curtis asked another as he headed over to see whom was over there, it wasn’t your, or the it was Our, they were a group again, looking out for one another best they could. There looked like five or six, some perfectly silent, another one was groaning in his sleep. Tam came over, her arms folded around her “Bad, I don’t know if they will all make it. What I wouldn’t give for Y/N to be here, at least we would have some direction in what to do” Curtis clenched his jaw hearing this.

Fuck I wish you were here to baby. He sighed inwardly, what he wouldn’t give to hear you tell him it would be okay.

“The one i’m most worried about is Edgar, the wound is deep, and it took a while for the wound to clot. I mean hes conscious...”

“Wait! Edgars alive?!” Curtis scanned over the covered people again, looking for anyone familiar.

“Yea, hes that one up at the end, wait... you didn’t know Curtis?” Tam followed along behind and Curtis made his way over, and sure enough, Edgar was fast asleep, pale as hell, but damn it the kid was alive. “No, we left in such a hurry after the bridge...” He rushed his words to Tam, just in shock. Curtis collapsed to his knees next to him, relief just washing over him. “Fuck man its good to see you” He whispered, and beside him Edgar groaned and opened his eyes.

“Yea man, its good to see you to.”

What happened hung in the air, but left unsaid for now, Curtis knew he had yet another apology to make, another mistake. Edgar went to sit up and Tam immediately put a stop to that.

“You lay your ass back down Edgar. You lost to much blood to be moving around any, and that wound reopens, no telling if we can get it to stop.” With a roll of his eyes he fell back to lay still. Curtis looked questioning up at Tam.

“The knife missed the spine and vitals, but its deep enough to leave a gaping hole. It needs to be sewed up, or cauterized. But we just don’t have the materials.” Edgar raised enough to lean on his elbow.

“Well someone should go looking for that shite, right?” Curtis was relieved to hear that accent of his once more, never thought he would hear it again. “I cant be laying up here the whole damn time.”

It occurred to Curtis that maybe they could do one. “Yona... Yona, has my jacket. Nam gave me a smoke just before, theres some matches in the pocket.” Tam hurried over to where Yona was sleeping, searching in the pockets of his jacket. Rewarded when she pulled out the old half disintegrated book of matches, and miraculously they were still dry. Curtis started looking around for things to burn, searching the deads pockets for anything flammable. Finally having an plan in place, meant he could at least fix part of something.

Having enough materials gathered, Curtis collected one of the Axes, cleaning off the dried blood caking the edge. He hoped the fire would burn off any other debris to keep from infecting Edgar. Tam worked on getting the fire hot, and Edgar laid on his stomach, watching the flames. Curtis eyes would glance up once in a while to catch his expression. Clouded, unsure if it was from pain, or remembering how Curtis how turned away when Masons men had the knife to his throat. Curtis couldn’t forget it, He shouldn’t have left him.

“Edgar I---”

“Stop man, were not doing this. Not now, not ever.” Edgar glared at him to shut him up, and Curtis closed his mouth, running the rag once more over the blades edge, there was a tiny spot, he swore he could see it although the axe gleamed spotless.

Moments later, Tam blew lightly on the fire, and it went from hot reddish orange to white hot laces of blue. “I think this is as hot as were gonna get it Curtis, put the blade in.” She sat back, and rested her hands on her knee. “Edgar, your ready for this?”

“As ready as I’m gonna be” He winced a bit and settled in. Giving the axe time to heat, the trio remained silent, all till there was a slight smolder rising from the head pushed in the coals. “Bite on this” Tam informed, holding out a cloth. Reluctantly, cause damn this was gonna hurt like a bitch, Edgar wedged it in his mouth, nodding.

Curtis moved to hes shoulders, his uninjured arm pressing on either side of his shoulder blades. Putting his weight behind it, he was sure Edgar would thrash, and it was vital to keep him as still as possible. He felt the man drawing in deep breaths and surprisingly he seemed relaxed under his hold, calm. Tam moved in close to Edgars side, lifting the handle of the ax and drawing it out of the fire. They had seconds to sear it shut, having the metal hot enough to scar him closed. Curtis gave a curt, ‘Im ready’ nod, and Tam laid the broad side of the axe right over the wound.

It was a hiss at first, the scent of burning flesh rising almost immediately, and Edgar tensed rigidly, trying to push away and the noise. The noise was probably the hardest part to deal with. Not the smell, not feeling Edgar try to escape pain. It rose so sharply, that Edgar lost what he was biting on, and it just seemed magnified from where they were in the hollowed car. Curtis almost lost his hold on him, having to dig in his heel and lean fully into him. “Come on Edgar, its gonna be okay, were almost done”

His words had no meaning, and finally after a bit, Edgar just collapsed under him, Tam yanked the axe away, and Curtis broke into a sob, dropping his forehead to lean against the passed out Edgars head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry... “ his voice dragged out. Edgar was like his brother, this on top of everything else just fuck was tearing him. After a few moments to calm himself down, Curtis leaned over to check that he was breathing fine. Thank fuck he passed out, Curtis could hear your worry edging your voice. The wound, make sure its sealed Curtis....

His hand slid down Edgars back, and deep redness had settled in, around the cut it was black, a few shallow boils forming, but all in all, the hole was shut. “I think we got it Tam” He said as released his hold on Edgar and Tam as careful as could be dragged the blanket up to where the wound was still red hot, not daring to put anything on it.

“What do you wanna do next Curtis?” Tam moved over to sit next to him, drawing her legs up and staring into the fire that was loosing its drive to burn, having scored most of the material into ash at this point. Curtis nudged some of it with his boot, shifting the coals. Already he was falling into that leader roll, he could sense others were listening into there conversation, waiting to see what he would say.

I wonder how they would feel if they knew I caused the train to derail.

No different babes, now were not prisoners anymore, were actually free to make our own choices for our future.

“Going to check on the end cars like my original plan was. There is probably survivors and we have to check on our people, if they survived, there might be some that need help with injuries. Then back towards the front, theres food up there, the cars up there are in better shape.”

“What about the front enders?” Tam questioned, and Curtis looked at her with a shrug.

“They either accept us, or we will push them out. Thats been the goal this whole time, and I’m not stopping now.” So matter of fact, Tam went silent, and together they waited till morning to come seeping in, a new day, a new way of life.

You were watching the beginning of your first sunrise, and you couldn’t help the tears that yet again got caught in your lashes. There are different kinds, and in the past few days you shed them all. Grief, pain, fear... but these felt different, rewarding. There salty drops fell on your lips and a flick of the tongue collected them before you brushed them away. John stretched and with a pop of his arms over his head, he moved to a stand. “I’ve seen many of these over the years... “ You look up in surprise, then consider, well maybe his section had windows. “... But this is the best damn sunset i’ve seen.”

“Its the first one I’ve seen in seventeen years” You remarked, blinking against the light bouncing off the ice and snow. “And I have to say its more beautiful then I remember it being.”

I wish you could see this Handsome, a wistful tone in your thoughts.

I am baby, almost the best thing I’ve ever seen.... almost.

Love you to Curtis.

While you were admiring the arrival of light, a flash out of the corner of your eye catches your attention, and you tilt your head to the side to see what it was. Mistake.... as you found out when a sharp whizz blew over your head and bounced off the metal with a loud ping and sparks flew, both you and John tumbling back with wide eyed gasps. “What the fuck!” he exclaimed and you scramble low to rest the weapon you stole from them the day before out the entrance of the car.

“Remember how I told you we were being held under guard? Well... I might have stabbed one in the eye just before the train derailed. They want us back for other things as well.”

“Do you even know how to use that Y/N?” John asked as he to ducked out of line of sight, staying further hidden then you.

“No, but I can give an educated guess. How about you see if there is someone back there who does?” You use the scope to look, they were still a distance off, and with luck John would be back sooner with someone who knew how to use one of these thing. So far nothing more has been fired, since you no longer made yourself a target, but you tried to study them, count how many there were. So far give made up the line, but who knows, some might be on the other side of the train, holding back... You scanned away from the edge, across the landscape, but that didn’t hold anything worth noticing. Maybe, just maybe there were only five left. Five fully trained to use there weapons men. FUCK.

“Hey, found someone!” John exclaimed and a petite woman slid up beside you, glancing over the edge. “These bastards wanna play fire with fire? Lets give them some back.” Well damn, you hand it over immediately as she made herself comfortable. “Johanna by the way, nice to meet you Y/N” she caught you by surprise knowing your name, and she smirked. “Hey I was a few car up from John, weve all heard of you tail enders and your revolution. About fucken time.” She peered into the scope and flipped off the safety. Seeming to take measure of where she was aiming, Johnana proved patient. John had long sense disappeared back among the group to gather more bullets, hopefully they had enough to keep this new threat back.

It was so sudden, her finger was resting on the trigger, and then a couple shots went off, she barely flinched at the moment, but you cringed with them both. A curse muttered from her lips as she pulled back “They are sticking pretty close to the train, hard to get a shot off at this side angle, but they are now at least aware were not defenseless.”

Curtis shook his head at Yona, who stood defiant before him, her arms crossed over her chest and head tilted to the side. “Your not going, thats that. Stay here and help look after the others.”

“That is foolish, I can help.” She pushed, trying her hardest to convince him. “My dad... he might be out there.” A softer tone making her look down, trying to also convince herself that maybe, just maybe he survived. Curtis squatted down closer to her level, his hands cupping her face to make her look at him.

“Yona, I swear if hes alive, I will bring him back, okay? After everything he did for us, you have my word. I really need you here, Timmy trusts you more then these others, and Edgar needs to be taken cared of. Please, can you do this for me?”

This seemed ot appease the young woman, who gave a nod relenting and once they both agreed to these terms, she went to Edgars side, kneeling beside him and touching his forehead. The man was still asleep, and Curtis hoped it wasnt a sign of any kind of fever, although Tam remained nearby constantly hovering. His back was still an angry red, but it wasn’t as intense feeling of heat rolling from the wound, so that was something.

Gathering others to join him, they all worked there way out of the train. Mostly they had axes shared among them, there were a few discarded rifles from the earlier battle at the bridge, in which Curtis himself collected one, slinging it around to hang off his back. They went in a single file, the few of them that joined, and every car they came to, they checked for survivors. After the brutal cold night, they weren’t successful in find any stragglers. Before they even got to the cliffs edge, a noise was brought to them. Sounds like... gunshots. The whole group looked at one another and sped up, pushing through the snow as fast as they could break through it. Once they reached the cliff, they looked down to see what the hell was going on.

The cars below were scattered around, some on there sides, some had still somehow remained upright, but it was a mess, there old car, the tail end was on its side, dented and half split at the seam. It must have hit the hardest the way it was bounced away from the others, sure its momentum had dragged the rest down with it.. From what Curtis could see, the survivors were pinned in one car, the one that seemed to still be upright, by the cliff face. Those outside of the car, Wilfords men, the ones Wilford issued the kill orders to. Shots were exchanged with from a group of men pressing along another car for coverage. But a scan of showed others coming up the backside. Shit... He was sure none of them had any idea there was more then what those that was shooting at them.

Curtis swung the weapon he carried around, and took aim best he could. There was no telling at this distance and his general inexperience if he was close to any of the targets, the couple others that also had the same advantage took up sentry on each side of him. Picking a target, Curtis took a breath and steadied himself till his sight wasn’t shaking. A breath out, and he pulled that trigger. The resounding BOOM flooded the valley, snow spitting up feet from the man. He missed but the guy stumbled back and raced around the corner of the car. Curtis other companions also fired at around the same time. And one aimed just so, the guard falling back with a burst of red scattering across the snow. Direct kill shot.

Surprised at now being shot above, the rest scrambled away, heading away from the cliff face and using the demolished cars for cover, they soon were out of sight for the time being. Curtis swung the rifle in a sweeping motion, checking before going to the pinned car, and studying it for movement.

Thats when he caught a glimpse. It was not even a second, and Curtis could only guess that it was actually You, but it was enough for his chest to tighten painfully, and all those other things just narrow into one single thought.

YOU WERE ALIVE.

@curtisbbq @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

@jtargaryen18 @thatweirdwalangpake @official-and-unstable-satan

#snowpiercer #curtis everett #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x y/n #chris evans #trauma #violence

148 notes · View notes

foreverthesickestkidz · 5 years ago

Text

I’ll put a summary here L8er

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

warnings: cursing, murder, torture, mentions the words domestic abuse & rape

masterlist | guidelines | lullaby m.list

August was an unusually stressful month for you, given your circumstances. Moving away from home, back to Eclipse University, into your small, lonesome apartment was not all that exciting. Starting your last year of law school wasn’t exciting either. A new year meant two new semesters full of tough courses, a paid internship, and the dreaded Bar exam at the end of it all. Stress was eating at you all summer as you tried to prepare yourself for this last year of schooling before fully entering the real world. The one thing you always looked forward to when coming back to this little college town though, was seeing Bambam.

“Y/n! Long time, no see!” Bambam, your beloved best friend, practically screamed the second he laid eyes on you entering his department store.

You giggled, accepting the bear hug he was pulling you into. “Hey B, I missed you so much!” As you pulled away you noticed him look you up and down and shake his head.

“Damn, girl. Did you get hit by a bus this summer? You look like hell,” he raised an eyebrow. You lightly smacked his shoulder and laughed.

“No! It’s just been really stressful lately. And I literally just moved all my stuff back into my apartment, okay!”

Bambam noticed another customer enter the store then, looking over your shoulder rather than at you.

“I wasn’t too sure if you’d be here actually, B. I was gonna call and make sure before I walked all the way here, but I decided to make it a surprise,” You explained, moving to the side so he could walk past, following close behind.

Bambam never let an opportunity to make a customer glamourous pass, not even for his best friend he hasn’t seen in months.

“Oh yeah, I just got back actually. I hosted a fashion show in Milan last week, but I’ll be here for another month maybe,” He explained as he reached the young lady browsing the racks of his expensive, well designed blouses. He turned away from you to greet her, so you decided to leave him be, and just call after he closed the shop for the day. After giving a small wave to Bambam as you walked out the shop, mouthing a ‘I’ll call around 7’ as to not interrupt the client, you wandered back into the streets of Eclipse. The August sun was strong, and you noted the nice weather as you passed by the other shops and restaurants of Downtown. Bambam’s shop was only about a fifteen minute walk from your apartment, but in the heat, it seemed like ages. So, you decided to stop at a little ice cream parlor before heading all the way back into campus.

Kim’s Ice Cream was practically empty. Upon walking in you noticed two things immediately, the first was that they didn’t serve chocolate ice cream, the second was the only other customer present in the building. He sat in the corner with a half melted milkshake in front of him, watching something intently out the window. So, curiosity got the best of you and after settling for the next best ice cream flavor (second to chocolate), you wandered over to his table.

He seemed to notice you immediately, which wasn’t that abnormal since you were the only other customer there. But, he looked up and cocked his head to the side, almost like a questioning puppy.

Smiling, you greeted him, “Hey, is this seat taken?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, and shook his head. “No, no. Please,” He motioned towards the empty seat across from him, and finally returned the smile.

“I’m Y/n. I just happened to notice you watching something outside,” you nervously laughed, “Curiosity sort of urged me over here to ask what it was.” Upon finishing your sentence, you ate a spoonful of ice cream. He looked up and made complete eye contact with you for the first time. His eyes were full of focus, and deep with thought.

With a lazy grin he licked his lips and answered. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”

With a nod and a soft smile you quickly replied “But the cat knew the truth.”

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head with a laugh. “I was watching the birds. I’ve always found them so intriguing,” He glanced outside once again, and looked back with a darker twist in his large pupils. You always noticed the smallest things about people, and the eyes ahead of you were certainly the eyes of someone hurting.

“I’m Mark” he stuck his hand out for you to shake. Calloused fingers and bruised knuckles engulfed your smaller hand.

****

Several hours after the introduction, you found yourself laying in bed wide awake. While finishing unpacking you grew tired, but somehow you can’t seem to fall asleep.

With a frustrated sigh, you reached to the nightstand to pick up your phone and check the time. Seeing 4 unread texts from Bambam, you decided to read and respond, it wasn’t like you were going to get any sleep anyway.

-Sorry you had to leave earlier I had to glam that bitch

-Hey idk if youve seen the news but theres some scary shit happening in eclipse rn, you should be careful ok?

-? y/n

-Y/N!!!

You shook your head and rubbed your eyes. The last text was only sent five minutes ago, maybe Bambam was still awake. You decided to turn the news on before calling him.

“Residents of Eclipse please be extra cautious! Breaking News reports a string of murders throughout the town, focused around Eclipse University’s campus. We’re reminding all citizens to lock your doors, and remain calm. We all need to stick together at this time.”

Your eyes grew wide as you flung the blanket from your form and ran to your front door. Locking the deadbolt, you immediately FaceTimed Bambam.

“Bambam! What the hell is happening?” You almost yelled through the phone.

“Shh shh, calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay,” he comforted you with a soft tone. Bambam always knew when your anxiety flared up, and stayed gentle with you to help you calm down. He stayed on the phone until he knew you were alright.

“Just remember to be careful, y/n.” He whispered after a while, and you finally managed to fall asleep.

Bambam huffed as he hung up the phone. The truth was that he was terrified. He knew he would be alright, he owned a few guns and he was away from Eclipse for weeks at a time anyway. But, he also knew you didn’t live the same life as him. You didn’t own any weapons, you were stuck here, and you trusted far too easily. The murders sent shivers down Bambam’s spine and his head started to ache at the thought of his best friend in danger. Worried hands typed vigorously on his phone as he dialed the phone number of the one person he hated most. He knew that despite his hatred, this person would be the only one close enough to you that Bambam trusted to ensure your safety when he left.

“Bambam? What the fuck do you want? It’s three in the fucking morn-“ Jackson’s voice was husky and rough after being awoken.

“Shut the fuck up and listen.” Bambam was already annoyed with the boy on the other line.

Jackson scoffed and rolled his eyes, despite Bambam not being able to see.

“Have you seen the news?” Bambam ran a hand through his hair and walked out onto the balcony.

“Yeah, if you’re calling to accuse me of any shit I won’t hesitate to block you.” Jackson’s defensive tone was enough to piss Bambam off.

“I’m not accusing you of anything. You might think you’re tough shit but you’re no killer. I’m calling about y/n”

Jackson’s ears perked up at hearing your name.

“Y/n? What about her? Is she okay?” His voice suddenly grew softer.

“She’s fine. But, I’m worried about her. You know how she is, and I’m not sure how I can make sure she’s safe when I leave Eclipse,” Bambam sighed. “That’s why I called. Me, you and Yugyeom don’t get along, but I know you both care for her as much as I do.” A slight breeze caused him to shiver.

Bambam heard rustling on the other end of the line.

Jackson pulled his shirt on and tied his shoelaces.

“When are you leaving?”

Bambam looked out over the silent town, and shook his head to himself.

“Soon,”

Jackson grabbed his keys and reached for the doorknob.

“She’s in good hands, Bambam.”

The line went dead as Bambam leaned his head back, eyes closing.

“She damn well better be. She’s all I’ve got in this world.” He whispered softly to the wind.

Jackson pulled the door of his Corvette open and slipped inside. The curfew didn’t let up for another hour, but he needed to see Yugyeom. His best friend needed to know what Bambam called about, and he wasn’t sure how Yugyeom would react to the prospect of seeing you again. Shifting gears, he sped away in the direction of Downtown.

Yugyeom opted to move to Eclipse permanently after his first semester of law school. His home life wasn’t ideal, and he was happier here than there. His little house on the corner of Main Street and Downtown boulevard was perfect for him. He was in a deep sleep when he awoke to the sound of constant banging on his door. Groaning and reaching for the 9mm pistol in his nightstand, he pushed himself up and rubbed his eyes. He opened the front door to be met with the worried eyes of his best friend.

“Fucking hell, bro. I thought you were a murderer or something!” Yugyeom furrowed his eyebrows as he let Jackson in.

“Funny you mention that…” Jackson rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I just got off the phone with Bambam.”

***

Mark held the printed photograph up next to the sorry male in front of him. The picture matched the guy perfectly, and with a dark chuckle he licked his lips.

“I knew I’d find you.”

The man roughly jerked against the belt that secured him to the chair. Flailing helplessly to try to break away, screaming into the duct tape secured on his mouth.

“Stop trying to break away. Nobody will help you.” Mark cocked his head to the side, grinning at his prey. The man’s muffled screams began again. Mark pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. The only light came from an exposed lightbulb hanging from the ceiling above them. The lighting created a halo above the bloodied man. How ironic.

“I have some questions for you, before I have some fun, so you just nod or shake your head in response. And if you lie, you’re gonna regret it.” He held up a knife in one hand, and a gun in the other.

“This is how this is gonna work, I’m going to ask a question, you will truthfully answer me. If you cooperate, I’ll use this,” he held up the gun, pulling the slide back, “if you don’t cooperate, I’ll use this,” he held the knife up again, skillfully spinning them through his fingers. The man’s eyes widened in fear.

Mark’s eyes gleamed with excitement.

“First question! Have you ever seen this girl?” He held up another printed photo of a smiling young woman. The man vigorously shook his head.

“You fucking LIAR!” Mark screamed the last word. He rolled his eyes and stood from his chair.

“You lied straight away! Nobody ever lies from the first question!” He laughed out, and ripped the duct tape from the man’s mouth.

“Now, count backwards from 100 in sets of 3,” Mark pressed the knife against the bottom of the man’s pinky finger.

“Fucking count!” Mark screamed in his face. He began counting as Mark sawed away at his fingers. Blood dripped down the armrest of the chair and onto the rotting carpet. Mark was in euphoria. The red color was glittering under the harsh lighting and the smell made his grin a little wider.

Many hours into Mark’s fun he grew bored and decided it was time for judgement. The man was on the very brink of passing out anyway, and the smell of blood started to give Mark a headache.

“Alright, man. I’m done.” Mark huffed out. The man looked almost relieved. ”I hereby render you guilty of domestic abuse, and the rape of Yang Jimin. I sentence you to death.” Mark smirked at the man’s appearance, and inability to speak after having his tongue ripped out. He untied the man and laid him out on the floor. He began softly singing, “Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed,” he pulled the gun from his pocket and pressed the barrel to the man’s forehead. “Lullaby and goodnight, thy mother's delight, bright angels beside my darling abide,” He pulled the trigger, blood splattering over his face and clothes. Humming the song again, he brought the knife to the dead man’s stomach. After etching the word “goodnight” in scratchy rough lettering, Mark shook his head.

“Justice is served,” he chuckled and pulled matches from his pocket. Picking up the gasoline in the corner, he walked around the tiny raggedy house, lighting his cigarette with a match before pitching it behind him, walking away and disappearing into the night.

***

Morning light drifted through your blinds when your alarm rang. You blinked your eyes open and yawned before turning the annoying noise off. Stretching, you got up and got ready for the day. You only had one class, but after you had to report to your first day of interning with Eclipse’s best attorney, Lee Kwang, who also happened to be your professor. Upon walking to your car, you never expected to see the familiar black Jeep parked next to your little blue Corolla.

“Kim Yugyeom. It’s been a while,” you smiled halfheartedly to the owner of said Jeep.

“We need to talk.” He seemed on edge, but you figured it was because the last night you spoke in person was a night everyone involved wished to forget.

You unlocked your car and opened the back door, dropping your backpack in the seat. “There’s not much to talk about.” You looked anywhere but at him.

“I talked to Bambam last night,” he leaned his back against the door, arms crossed.

The realization hit you a second later.

“No. Absolutely not. I don’t need anyone’s protection. I’m a grown woman.” You seethed at the thought that these boys saw you as someone so weak.

“It’s not about that, y/n. We just care about you,” he tried to reason with you.

“Who cares about me? Because you and Jackson are the last people who act like they care about me.” You shook your head to stop tears from falling. Slipping into your car, you pulled away from the parking lot.

***

Mark’s eyes met yours the second you walked into the law firm. He waved and smiled as you walked towards him.

“Hey! I never thought I’d see you here!” You beamed at the boy you met yesterday.

“Yeah, small world. I was just on my way out, but before I go, I just, I forgot to ask back at the ice cream shop,” he blushed a little and scratched the back of his head. “Can I maybe, get your number?”

Your face flushed red, yet you smiled widely.

“Yeah! Of course!” You reached for a pen and scribbled numbers onto a sticky note.

“Thanks, I’ll call you later!” He smiled as he walked away.

You took a deep breath and knocked on Professor Lee’s door, not noticing the way Mark looked back at you as he left the building.

60 notes · View notes

zephyr-94 · 5 years ago

Text

barista!jaemin

inspired by the one and only, puff live!

a/n: this is my first ever fic omg pls spare me with my low writing skills cause ive literally never done this fjskdjdhjdks okay i just love na jaemin periodt. (after writing: ITS VERY JUMPY AND LENGTHY I DIDNT PLAN TO MAKE IT LIKE THIS DJSKJSJSS)

so like your aunt owns a cafe which is in the middle of the city

and you live a lil outside just cause you know, school n shit

you visit her so often cause its a small cafe and it calms you down whenyou need a short break from everything

its weird thats its in the middle of the city but its still calming right?

well okay so like you know those small streets down the neighbourhoods?

the ones you dont really go unless you are rlly feeling adventurous n shit, your aunt’s cafe is in one of those streets

okay longass context down

and at school, you are in a photography club,,, or technically you just learn photography from your teacher after school but its not a whole club extravaganza

just cause your school kinda demands an extra curricular after the first year

but it feels really suffocating to be forced to do smth as a group/with people you arent as familiar with,,,,

so you “signed up” for the smallest club: [photography theory]

it was about time you start doing your hobby-ish thing at school and the tutor was cool with you being practically the only student in the club lmao so everything was going well but

youve never rlly done anything big yourself and your school friends havent pushed you to do smth either

so you were kind of looking to at least take part in one out-of-class project initiated by students maybe

and theres this big school newspaper club/writers’ club,,,, and you find out that they are like !! photographers & stories wanted !!

and you ?? at first but apparently its a project where like students get to submit their fav pic & write a mini article about “your place of comfort”

cause the topic of the month is mental health/dealing with stress and the newspaper club wants a students’ view on it, instead of just “meditation” as a topic

then you just have that cafe in your mind like,,, how you would love to shoot the street light shining into the cafe from afar and how calm that place makes you feel,,,

basically you just love your auntie’s cafe lmao

so then you go on about maybe joining it,,, but then you be indecisive cause youve never actually taken a photo professionally you just have a prolonging passion for it,,,

and your teacher is like “y/n idk why you are contemplating no ones gonna judge you just try smth new, go take the chance if you are feeling like it”

we love a supportive johnny, oh yes your english teacher is your photography “club” tutor,,, self proclaimed club

actually there have been many opportunities in the past with taking photos for projects like this one but you just stayed away cause it didnt “motivate” you to take photos for it

so johnny’s words kinda pushed your back n you felt like this was the right thing :))

so then you visit your auntie on the weekends asking maybe if you can take pics & ask her a couple questions about this place

and shes like ofc!! wanna see how you capture this place :))

so then you do this whole process and you submit the article & photos,,,,,

which ends up getting a whole page???

and you are like wh a t

newspaper club: oh you submitted many such pretty pictures & your comment felt very genuine

and you :)) but damn a whole page,,,, you is a lil anxious djskdjdh now the entire schools now going to know you

johnny the hype man teacher: see i told you it was going to turn out nice

and then kaboom, your article lowkey blows up lmao

your auntie is calling you up like “y/n!! so many customers came today!! and a lot of them are wearing the same uniform as you, they must be the students from your school!!”

and shes so happy so you are happy af

but then you remember like,,,, shes never had a part timer,,,,,

and she continues to manage the place by herself after it gets popular among the students,,,,

?? auntie,,, you never take a break ??

shes like maybe ill think about hiring someone?? and you are like, that would be good for you :)) i will be less worried about your health!!

whoop guess who got hired

and after youve had that^ conv, you had constant classes n group projects n shit so you literally had no time,,,

two weeks later, kinda highkey stressed

you decide to go make a quick visit to auntie before going to the library to study

and you peek,,, to see not your auntie,,,,

but a boy??

just standing behind the counter,,, no auntie to be seen but a beautiful boy???

before the opening hours,,,, he?? must be the part timer,,,

and once he notices you by the door,

he just smiles at you,,, so brightly,,,,

wow youve never seen such a pretty face,,,

you actually like forget to open the door you are just staring from outside the cafe,,,,

and he just waves,,, and you snap back to reality like oh shit did i just stare at someone for a solid minute

welp that was embarrassing djkdjdfj

he opens the door for you and goes “hey you must be y/n :))”

“the only person who comes before 9am, thats you isnt it?”

and you just ?¿ confusion??¿

“auntie told me about it :)) hi, nice to meet you, im jaemin!!”

you are still confused but you just shake hands next to the counter,,,

and as you take a seat

jaemin just makes a smol run to the other side and hes like

“you came just in time, i want you to try my latte!!”

jaemin serves a cup of latte with a leaf art

this boy just served a latte first thing after shaking hands i-

you take a sip from the cup

and you are like,,, so auntie hired an experienced boy,,,,

“its really good,,,” it has the same comforting taste you always love

and jaemin just has the biggest smile :)))) you know his smile where the ends just curl in, yes that one

him beaming like that just makes you giggly inside,,,,

you ask him “so uh um im guessing you are the part timer??”

“yes!! i didnt introduce myself properly did i! i started working here two weeks ago :))

ive been coming here for quite a while now so im happy i got the chance!!”

and you ?¿ “ive never seen you here??” you are the most frequent customer youve gotta have seen him before fjsksj

hes like “oh um i always came at 9pm on a friday, after everyone leaves and the whole neighbourhood gets quiet”

you just :o

and come to think of it, you’ve never visited here on a friday night,, cause you know, friday evening is your im not doing anything tonight kinda me time lmao

inside you are kinda happy that someone who knows this place got hired like its a special place to you so

tbh you were kinda anxious even though you trust your aunt,,,,,

and jaemin hurriedly goes “oh and also auntie is taking a break today, shes out to the market so im gonna take over until she returns in the afternoon”

djskdj auntie why didnt she tell you lmao

“im sorry if you needed anything specific from her,,, you should stay for a while until she comes back maybe?”

and you are like,,, “oh that would be great,,, but unfortunately i have to go to the library,,,,”

jaemin: ): he pout

“im so glad you came today tho!! i wanted to see you :) auntie has told so many thing about you”

“wait,, what has she told you,, omg”

apparently shes told jaemin

a) reason why this cafe recently became a popular hideout cafe for students because you wrote a school article bout it

b) that you do photography

c) and that this cafe is your break time so you never study here and auntie loves listening to you talk about school n what not

and then you are like !!

“wait so then you dont go to our school ,,,um are you also a student?”

and you panic a little cause i mean you just met him but you literally know nothing and you mightve assumed things fjsksj

and jaemin tells you “ah yes i go to a hospitality school downtown” “ohh”

and from there he just starts talking about his school and what he studies

he asks you about school but jaemin is extra excited about his hospitality course hes all !! :))!!

and you are so hooked on jaemin talking about his school you forget an hour passes by,,,,

[time to open the cafe]

then the customers start coming in

and you are like “oh sorry ive just bothered you during the preparation time,,,,, it was nice meeting you!! gotta go now :))”

and you rush out cause all you planned to do was give your auntie a little visit

also you dont want to bother jaemin cause its hes gonna handle the place alone for a couple hours

you wave a smol see you soon and

jaemin just does a little chuckle,, and hes like waving so widely fjsksj does he know other people can see him

and thats how your first day with jaemin went

later that day you return home thinking like,,, did you just get so excited to converse with someone who you juSt met,,,

na jaemin’s power

and jaemin on the other hand, is thinking about how beautiful you looked today

just that short while but it made him so happy

hes thinking about you all week uwu

so next week you visit again, expecting to see your auntie

and maybe also that gleaming boy

peeking through before the opening hours

the moment jaemin realises you hes like “y/n!!” what a shining boy

and aunties like “oh y/n right you met him last week when i was out right”

that morning you just talk to auntie about what shes been missing on after you went on a busy week

mind that jaemin is literally just listening to you & auntie talk

and he enjoys it cause you talk so comfortably in front of her :))

you decide to stay the whole day to give yourself a break

which meant you moved to your usual spot by the window

and auntie serving you (free) vanilla latte

you take out your camera and just start adjusting the lenses, trying to find the right frame

customers come and go so you dont get to talk to jaemin a lot that day

but its not like you came here for him,,,, right?¿??¿??

while you were thinking all that

jaemin was asking about you all day like

“so y/n’s favourite is vanilla?”

“does y/n prefer a latte over cappuccino?”

“i want to serve y/n something,,,, what would be the best??”

auntie: how many times did he mention y/n today omg

and as auntie answers

jaemin is thinking like

i wanna see y/n smile

and the entire day your auntie is like !!he :)))))

lmao same auntie same

so when the peak hours finish she goes

“i can take care of everything now, go talk to y/n”

and jaemin just smiles brighter than ever

so when he comes around, you startle

but it puts a smile on your face

because hes brought your favourite cake and just a smiling jaemin in front of you uwu

you both get to know more about each other like

how theres this two boys named chenle & jisung in the preparatory course whom he adores to death

or like

theres this jeno boy whose jokes suck jeno i love you

with a bonus of

you talking about how johnny’s english class is nothing but a comedian’s lesson

so that day went great

and now that you are comfortable

you visit the cafe to talk with jaemin more

even when you have a chill no stress week

it just makes you feel lighter by coming to the cafe now

and your auntie is hella happy that you two are getting along so well

it continues for weeks

just you and jaemin talking from time to time when the peak hours are over or before the cafe opens

you became best pals basically

he encouraged you to join more school projects cause hes sure your photography is worth the chance

you giving him daily support when he feels like he isnt doing the best for his course

sometimes when your aunt had to leave for a couple hours near closing time

you two just stayed there talking for a couple hours giving comfort to each other

late night lattes and cakes

also one time you got so excited from the bestest grades you got you might have hugged him without thinking oops

and one day, jaemin’s friend renjun is there when you come after school

and hes like “hi uh dont mind me im just here a bit because jaemin has to go somewhere after this and i dont want him to be late”

so you just,,, chill as jaemin kinda rushes

and when he goes to the storage room, you just see renjun getting along with the auntie lmao

auntie: “so i got offered this contract with the new type of beans? and idk if i should take it because that would mean i have to go out of the city,,,,”

renjun: “for how long?”

auntie: “two weeks maybe”

renjun: “oh thats fine, dont worry about it. jaemin can take over that. next two weeks right? his mandatory work experience ends this week”

so thats how renjun signed jaemin up to work alone for auntie without his consent

and aunties like “y/n!! it would be so much for just jaemin, you should help him :) your break starts next week right?”

so you also got signed up to this thing

fast forward to first day of break

aka the first time you “work” there

you are nervous and jaemin can feel it

“dont worry y/n, ill do all the talking and coffee, you just have to serve & clean!!”

so you try to calm down a bit

not to mention that you are also nervous cause its only jaemin and you in the room

but then he sees you fumbling with tying the apron and

jaemin says “here, give it, ill do it for you” while smiling a little

and from the back he wraps the apron around your waist,,,

and hes so close to you,,, your heart is fluttering

okay heart stop beating so fast pls thank you

and little do you know,,, jaemin is flushing a bit behind your back,,,

you are both the cutest mess

and you break the silence with a smol

“thanks :))”

trying to contain yourself from screaming

adapting to the serving side & keeping youself busy

you dont realise jaemin is literally admiring you the entire time as you get used to the job,,,,

here and then you forget how close you might be standing next to jaemin,,,

you kinda also realise how rEALLY attractive he looks serving everyone with a huge smile 24/7

and the way some customers are obviously attracted to him,,,,

but what you dont know is he is literally taking this chance to highkey flirt with you lmao

waves (sometimes winks) across the room

causally hovers over you when you cant find/reach smth

beaming the biggest smile every minute he gets to himself

and at first you panicked like ?!????

cause was this jaemin boy holding back for a whole month

is this his nature yes

but it makes you so happy to see him smiling all the time beside you

so jaemin yes its working

you gotta admit tho his flirty-ish behaviour grew on you this entire week djskjssj

a week of giggly smiles uwu

but the week after was unexpectedly the busiest of the busiest

you two forgot national holidays collided with the weekends and for some, it was a week off,,,,,,

so the week rushes by so quickly compared to the last one

it kind saved you tho cause your heart cant take more of that flirty behaviour

and finally,

the peak days are over,,,

and you realise its been a while since the cafe was just you,,,, and well jaemin but just no customers

the silence with faint sounds of cups cluttering,,,, you missed it

so then you go sit on the high chair

just admiring jaemin organise the shelves

he starts to prepare a new cup of coffee then realises you smiling at him “were you in awe at how effortless i look right now??”

you chuckle at his remark,,,

(needless to say that your are chuckling to hide how your heart is melting at his smirky smile)

so you twirl a bit shyly,, and avert the gaze to the familiar wood of the counter

asking him “do you remember the day we first saw each other, me sitting here and you serving the latte?”

“ofc, its the day i met an angel”

oh so confidently na jaemin really just said that

you quickly look up at him like !!!?!???!

and thats how he earned a first kiss (or rather a peck) from you

leaning over the counter and pecking you, a whole blushy mess

then comes a clink by the door

you juMp,,,,,,,

oof the customer may or may not have seen you two

you both rush around flushed like a tomato lmao

spending the rest of the day like nothing happened oops

and after the day ends, you two close the cafe

as you starting walking you are caught off guard when

jaemin just takes your hand,,,

“look y/n!! the stars are so pretty!!”

and starts swinging your arm like a tall child,,,

your heart is skippingnsjsjsjs

then at the corner, jaemin turns around and goes

“this is actually the place i first saw you”

and you ??¿?¿¿

“i saw you taking the photo of this night light shining into the cafe”

still hand in hand, jaemin steps a little closer

and takes his free hand to cup your face, kissing you,,,,

you smile into him as he kisses so softly, thinking

maybe the day i took that photo was a friday night

and melting into the kiss, you really think you are dreaming,,,,,

under the lights you once wished capturing a sparkling moment with the cafe in the back

its now you and jaemin in the frame,,,,

the boy who had you forgetting to breathe a month ago

whos now serving your favourite latte with a bonus of pecks on the cheek,,,,, (maybe on the lips if theres no one watching)

anyways

jaemin brings light to your life and you have never been this happy until you met him uwu

and it goes both ways, jaemin cant live without you now,,,, you are the best thing thats ever happened to him

(thank the heavens & your auntie)

oh and also johnny for pushing you to submit that article lmao plus huang renjun for that involuntary sign up

193 notes · View notes

jackandmarksavedme88 · 6 years ago

Text

My hero. My Love

@ashphoenix06 @nekob00 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps

"Jackie, im not always going to be around to make you mad when you need to use your powers you know?"

"Marvin, i know! But you do it so well and i want to practice" Jackie laughed

The magician and the hero were in the backyard of their big house. Jackie was practicing his powers, throwing energy from his hands into his enemy, and Marvin is the one brother who knew how to push his buttons and help bring it out. Jackie hadnt *quiet* gotten it under complete control, but he was getting there.

'Cmon Jackie, im tired' Marvin said. 'Weve been out here an hour. And you singed my shirt dude'

'Ok ok, get your boxers out of a twist. Lets go inside' Jackieboyman said, laughing.

As they walked in they heard Jack and Chase talking. And then a female spoke

"Wait....is that?" Marvin said to Jackie

"...Christine?"

They both ran to the kitchen and slid to a stop.

Their brothers stood talking to a woman, about 5'4", brown hair to her shoulders. She turned as they came barreling in and laughed

"Marvin! Jackie! There yall are!'

Christine was a family friend of Jack's. Shed grown to love the Septic Boys and came to visit when she could and always commuicated with them, she knew about Anti, knew about Marvin's magic....however Jackieboy Man was something she didnt know about. Jackie didnt want her having that knowledge and being in a different city, he didn't want to take that chance.

This was a suprise though

"What are you doing here???' Jackie said as he picked her up into a hug

"Ah!" She squealed and laughed 'I had time off work and was bored. So here i am!'

She gave Marvin a big hug and they all went and sat down.

"How are you?! We missed you!" Jackie said. Hed always had a bit of a soft spot for Christine

"Im okay! Making it!" She laughed "I told Jack i was tired of seeing him on my computer and tired of only talking to yall on the phone. So, i said screw it. Im my own boss anyway, im taking vacation time!'

The five of them caught up, laughing and talking

*******

A few hours later it was just Christine and Jackie

"So, J you want to go grab something to eat?" Christine asked after the tv show theyd been watching was over

"Yeah. I can always eat!" He laughed. Lets go!'

She slipped her shoes on and they walked outside and headed for the diner that wasnt too far from the house.

As they walked Jackie studied her out of the corner of his eye. When did she get so pretty? Shed always been cute to him, but now she was just plain out pretty. She seemed...different

'So Christi...whatve you been up to? I havent been able to talk to you much except through text. You seem....different'

She smiled. "Yeah. I feel more relaxed. Ever since i finally published my book and got on the best seller list, i feel like i can breathe. Ive been doing book tours and all that, but im finally in a position that i get to make my own hours and take a break when i need too... Its good for the soul."

"Well. Relaxed looks great on you i have to say Miss Jaymes" Jackie said smiling

She laighed softly and he saw a hint of a blush creep across her face

"So. Have you thought about your new book?"

"No. I mean. I have one idea but...its dumb"

"Why? What is it?" Jackie asked curiously

"Youll laugh. I mean. Itd still be fiction, but based on someone real...."

"Oh? Who?"

She laughed and blushed crimson "okay okay. You know the hero Jackieboy Man that everyone talks about?'

Jackie stopped stiffly "uh...yeah. What about him?"

'Well, a few friends and i were having drinks and started throwing ideas around of like a comic or book with him in it. It be all made up obviously but... I dont know. I wouldn't want to get something wrong and offend him or anything, you know?" She laughed and they started walking again.

"Heh. Well. Im sure he wouldnt mind. Youre a really good writer....... Just give him a very pretty girlfriend" he laughed

Christine rolled her eyes and smacked him in the arm. "Typical man...oh theres the diner!"

They went inside and ordered. When the food came they ate and talked more. Jackie couldnt remember the last time he was so comfortable outside of the house.

When it cane time to leave Jackie got up to pay "oh no sir, this is on me!' Christine said standing up.

"Oh cmon Christi. No way"

"Yes way....if it makes you feel better you can buy me breakfast in the morning" she said and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed and rolled his eyes

"Fine. But thats the last time you pay for my food'

"Yeah yeah. Ok." She laughed and walked uo to the counter. As she was standing there a guy walked up to her, Jackie kept an eye on him and watched as he got Christis attention. She hugged him so she seemed to know him at least. Jackie drank the last of his soda and stood up and walked over.

"Oh. Jackie! This is Steven. And old school friend of mine!"

The guy stuck his hand out and shook Jackie's

"Hey! Good to meet you...yeah me and Christi used to be stuck together at the hip!"

"Yeah...shes talked about you before" Jackie said

Jackie didnt know why, but he didnt like this guy. He make his hands tingle and he felt like his powers would shoot out if he didn't calm down.

"Hey Christi....ill be back. Im gonna go to the bathroom"

He went to walk away, then hesitated and as he stared at Steven he kissied the top of Christi's head,a normal sign of affection towards her, but this guy didnt know that so screw em.

In the bathroom he pulled his phone out and shot her a text 'hey...dont go anywhere with him. Ill be out in a minute'

He splashed water on his face and shook his head "Calm down man. Youre acting like a jealous boyfriend. " he scolded himself. He walked out of the bathroom and didnt see Christi or Steven anywhere. He walked outside quickly and his defenses went up....something was wrong...

"Christine???" He yelled out.... Then he heard something from the alley behind the diner. His heart dropped and he took off running in that direction, stopping at the corner of the building

"What the hell Steven?!" You cant just go to hug me goodbye and grab my ass! That's not how it works! You lost that privilege long ago when we decided to be friends and i was a teenager!"

"Oh cmon Chris, dont be such a stuck up bitch. I always used to smack your butt and you liked it!" Stevens voice made Jackies hair stand on end. Oh no. He didnt like him one bit

"Ok. And i was eighteen! Im freakin 30 now! Thats disrespectful as hell. I trusted you. Ive known you how long? We talk all the time and all of a sudden youre trying to make a move on me? Why would you do that?!" Christine raised her voice.

"Because it was a joke. I didnt realize you were such a fucking prude" Steven sneered

At that point Jackie had enough, he stepped from behind the corner, Christi's back was to him but Steven saw the supernatrual blue glow his eyes had taken on and he stopped "What the--"

"So...let me get this straight...because she doesn't want you to touch her without permission...shes a prude and stuck up?" Jackie said, his voice raspy as he tried to control himself, he blinked hard and his eyes returned to normal before Christi turned

"Jackie...I--"

"Nah. Thats not going to fly. See what youre going to do is apologize to her. Do you know how she talked about you man? You were like her big brother, when she talked about you it was about how much you had grown and changed from when yall were kids....and now you go and show what a shit person you really are...and its a joke?" Jackie said, stepping closer and closer to Steven until the other mans back hit the wall.

Steven could sense that even though Jackie was shorter than him, he had a power. He looked at Christi and stammered "i-im sorry. I shouldn't have touched you....it wasnt funny"

Christi had her arms around herself and tears in her eyes "Just go. Dont talk to me anymore...juat leave!"

Jackie watched at Steven took off out of the alley and then he turned to Christi

"Hey....you ok?" He walked over to her and reached an arm out to hug her but she flinched

"I-...i dont really want to be touched right now....can we walk home?'

Jackies arm dropped "yeah...yeah of course"

As they walked the road, he watched the moonlight play along her hear and face. After about ten mintues he stopped her

'Christi....are you...okay?'

She had her back to him and suprised him when she turned and buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms under his. He just wrapped his arms around her and held her, stroking her hair as she cried, after a while he bent and picked her up bridal style and carried her the rest of the way to the houae and up to the porch swing. He sat down and she curled into his chest

"Why didnt i listen to you? He said he wanted to show me something funny on his phone.... And it was...it was.... '

She trailed off and cried again

"Christi...what hon?" Jackie asked slowly

"It was a...gross video...of him...with himself"

Jackie bristled at the thought of what she meant and clentched his teeth

"Did he....did he try anything else?'

"No...i just feel stupid for trusting him and for being upset because he didnt do much to me...."

Jackie pushed her forward some so he could look her in the face "Christi. No. He touched you without permission and showed you that video without your permission. Neither of those is ok. Of course you trusted him. Youve known him a long time...guys like that...hell people like that prey on the ones they think wont judge them....that they have gotten endless amounts of forgiveness from.... Its not your fault that hes a piece of crap. He just showed you his true colors and you finally took a good look at them"

He kissed her forhead

"That doesn't make you stupid. That makes you someone with a good heart... Naive maybe, but you try to see the good in everyone"

She smiled, head on his shoulder."Thanks Jackie.... I dont know what id do without you"

He chuckled "youd have to walk places on your own" he teased

They sat there in comfortable silence and she soon drifted off in his arms

Marvin walked out and saw them on the swing and touched Jackies shoulder "huh?" Jackie said quietly "oh..marv its you"

Marvin laughed. "Uh...everything ok?" He pointed at Christi who was asleep in his arms

"Yeah...long story' Jackie said. "I think i might be in trouble Marv"

"Why?? Are you hurt?" Marvin asked quickly

"No. Nothing like that...its just..... Really natural to have her here in my arms....i kinda don't want to put her down"

"Oh you mean youre finally admitted your sweet on her? Christ. Took you long enough" Marvin teased. "Now you just need to tell her"

"Yeah. But then id have to tell her everything and--'

"And? She knows about the glitch demon, she saw me do real magic with flames and all and didnt even blink.... I doubt it would phase her...hell she hangs out with Mark and his crazy ass egos all the time. Im pretty sure shes passed anything shocking her"

Marvin had a point....

After Jackie got her laid down on the couch and covered her up he made a pallet on the floor next to her and laid down. In the darkness he heard Christis voice

"Hey J....you awake?"

He sat up. "Christi...you ok?"

She smiled sleepily "yeah....i just wanted to thank you...for all of that and for sleeping down here with me... I feel safer with you around" she reached her hand down to his and squeezed it

Jackie reached over and brushed her hair from her eyes "hey Christi....?"

"Yeah j?"

"When you feel up to it.... Can i....nevermind"

She half sat up "can you what?" She asked

"Its stupid....but...i just...i really wanna kiss you...and i completely underatand if you dont want that i ju-"

His words were cut off my her hand being placed over his mouth

"Jackie....that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever asked... Actually" she smiled and in the faint glow of the streetlight shining into the living room he saw her blush "ive wanted you to kiss me way before now....i just never thought...well... I mean look at you! Why would i think youd kiss me?" She laughed

Jackie moved her hand "why the hell wouldn't i?? Youre freaking beautiful. An amazing person with a heart of gold...funny as hell.." He trailed off "why the hell *did* i wait so freakin long?" He said

She leaned forward and he did the same, cupping her chin and pressing his lips to hers softly

After a moment they pulled back and she smiled "hey...doesnt this pull out into a bed?"

He nodded "yeah. Why?"

"She stood up "i feel like id sleep better in your arms than just holding your hand from the floor" she laughed.

He laughed and stood up and they fixed the pullout with pillows anx blankets and laid down again, she curled into his side and lay her head on his chest. They whispered and laughed and kissed until she finally drifted off into his arms

******

The days passed, Jackie and Christi grew closer. She asked the guys if she coukd rent the spare room in the attic since the subject of her new book was from their city. Her editors loved the idea of a sort of published fiction about everyones favorite superhero.

Marvin was constantly on Jackie to tell her the truth. But covered for him whenever he would go on patrol. She never got too suspicious, believing them when they said he was with Jack helping with video filming. One night Jackie had gone out and Christi was in her room writing. She came down the stairs as Marvin was making some tea in the kitchen, he heard her grabbing her coat

"Hey Christi...where you off too?" He asked

"Oh. Im just going for a walk. Clear my head some, get rid of the writers block."

"You sure. Its pretty dark out there?"

"Yeah Marvin. Ill be fine, im not going too far, just over to the wooded place by the pond. I wont be long...Jackie should be back soon" she smiled and looked down at her watch

Marvin grinned "You two make each other really happy...you know? Hes lucky you came along"

She smiled "i think im the lucky one. But thank you. Its been a good 6 months"

She grabbed her phone and put it in her pocket, then walked out into the cool night.

As she walked she could see her breath in the air. It was chilly, but not overly cold. She walked a little ways and reached her bench she liked to sit in. Jackie had bought it and had it delivered after she saw it at a hardware store. It was big and sturdy, but comfortable. She closed her eyes and listened to the frogs and crickets.... Then her ears heard something strange....she listened again...there! It was a cracking...leaves under feet maybe?

She looked around and didnt see anyone. She turned back and screamed when she saw Anti sitting at the other end of the bench

Before it got completely out of her throat he grabbed her

"Shhhhhhhh" the glitch whispered "now now...dont want to alert the kitty cat do we sweetheart?"

Tears began to form in Christi's eyes

'Now. I just wanted to see my brothers new plaything" he spat out

He stood, bringing her with him and backed her into a tree "hmmmm....what does he want with you? " he stared into her eyes and she went to her knees as it felt like he was crawling into her skull

"Ahhh. There it is. .the damage.... Tsk tsk. Does Jackie know about this? Boy wonder would probably go running if he knew whatd been done to you...is that why you left your home? Came seven hours away to live in a house with a bunch of men you think can protect you?" He cooed as he read her mind and things that had happened.

Suddenly anti stepped back as Christi stood and stared him down "oooooh...stronger than she looks eh? No matter' he flicked his wrist and a red string wrapped around her neck and pinned her to the tree

"Now Christi Jaymes...do you really think that stupid book will fix you? Writing about Jackieboyman saving some poor girl from her stepbrother is gonna fix you? Thats been broken for fifteen years sweetheart. That part of you will never be whole.... Maybe you should have him save your heroine from the ex fiancee....the one who told her what to do, when to do it.... Who wouldnt let her piss without his say so?" He mocked as she began to tremble.

He stepped closer to her and was almost in her face when a blue light shot him backwards into the water

Clad in red and a blue mask Jackieboyman came sprinting down the hill and before Anti could get out of the water he met him head on, eyes blazing a blue fury and cussing him out loud.

As they fought Marvin ran to Christi and with a shot of magic cut the string around her neck, he checked the cut it left but it was only superficial. He tried to pull her away but she stood in awe as they fought. Both of their magic strong

Marvin had never seen Jackie's at this strength before. He watched as they went at it. Wishing like hell he could tell Christi hed be ok...but she didnt know his secret.

Jackieboy knocked Anti down and was about to deliver a final blow when the glitch disappeared completely

Well. That was a new trick.

Jackieboy turned to Marvin and Christi and smiled. Marvin turned toward the house as Chase exited calling out to him. As Jackie stepped forward he saw Christi's face drop in fear and she ran toward him

'What the--'

She shoved him out of the way as Antis knife cut through the air....and instead of landing in Jackie it was lodged in her side

Jackie caught her as she fell. Screaming for Marvin.

Marvin turned and saw what happened and shot a green bolt of magic at Anti at the same time Jackie shot his own. The power sent the glitch crashing through the bench and cracked into a tree. Coughing and bleeding from the head he spat out "this isn't finished!" And glitched out of sight

Jackie picked Alison up and ran for the house, screaming for Henrik. He and Marvin and Chase crashed through the back door. Her blood running over Jackies hands in into his suit

"Christi...hold on....hang in there baby girl" he begged her. Secrets be damned

Henrik ushered him into the basemet and to his makeshift hospital room. As much as he had to care for them he had most everything here for easy access.

"Place her der on ze table Jackie. I need to look at it before we pull it out, okay" the doctor asked. Trying to keep calm

Jackie nodded and laid her down gingerly and took a step back... Schneep...she'll be ok right? Shes gonna be ok??"

"Ill take care of her Mein Bruder.... But right now i need you to step out and let me do my job.... Go ait and get zomting to drink...you look like youre going to vall over'

Marvin grabbed Jackies shoulders and steered him out of the basement and up to the kitchen. Jackie sat there, shaking as Chase and Marvin darted around him making tea and trying to wipe the blood from his face and check on him. The hero just stared at the wall. In shock....then looked down at his hands and began to tremble harder and fell to his knees and cried and howled in a kind of pain Marvin had never heard come from a human before.

Chase went to his knees beajde his and wrapped him tightly in a hug "hey. Jackie...its gonna be ok bro. I promise. Henrik is the best. You know that. Shes gonna be ok. Shhhhh" he smoothed his brothers hair and rocked back and forth.

Marvin called Jack who had JJ with him and they rushed over. All sitting in the kitchen. Taking turns on making jackie something to drink. Or eat. JJ signing funny jokes to try and make him smile and distract him....the five of them sat there for what seemed like years until Henrik opened the door

Jackie jumped from his seat "Is she....?"

Henrik placed his hands on his brothers shoulders

"Didnt i tell you i vould take care of her? She will be fine, the knife didnt damage any major arteries. She wilk be good as new in no time" he smiled tiredly at Jackie

Jackie went to race passed him to see her and Jack called out 'Arent you going to take off your suit?!"

"Fuck keeping secrets. I need to see my girl" Jackie called out as he bounded down the steps, mask hanging around his neck

Christi lay sleeping on the bed. His heart caught in his throat by how beautiful She was. Even with bruises around her throat from that asshole....

She stirred and opened her eyes and seemed confused for a minute and then smiled

"I knew it was you" she whispered and reached her hand out to him. He stepped forward and dragged the chair to her side and grabbed her hand

"What do you mean baby girl?" He asked smiling

"I knew you were my favorite hero all along...and when you smiled at me right before he.... I just knew it was you"

"Im sorry i didnt tell you...i just"

She waved her hand "no no. I get it. I know you wanted to protect me"

"Yeah. Lot of good that did" he said bitterly "why woukd you do something so crazy woman' he asked her, brushing her hair from her forehead

"Because.... I knew it was you....and i couldnt let him hurt you.... I love you too much" she said

The words hit him like a truck "you...you love me?"

She smiled "well. I dont take knives in the side for guys i just kinda like dummy'

He laughed and kissed her forehead "i love you too Christi...so much...now get some rest."

She scooted over to the other side of the bed, injury near the edge and said "come lay with me?"

He happily obliged and she fell asleep in his arms

******

6 months later

*****

"Jaaaack" Christi asked "why wont any of you tell me whats going on?"

She walked down the stairs in her dress and shoes Jackie had left on her bed. It was their one year anniversary and she had no idea where he was. Jack, JJ, Marvin, Chase and Henrik stood in the living room and all smiled when she walked down, clearly knowing something she didnt.

"What?!' She asked exasperated

Marvin laughed "Now Christi. Dont try and ruin it. Just enjoy the fun. Go outside. He'll be here in a minute." And with that the five men left the room and walked to the kitchen. She watched them go and rolled her eyes

"Yeah. Ok" she grumbled. Ahe walked to the front door and opened it. She was greeted by 24 long stemmed roses along the railing and when she turned to the left Jackie sat on the porch swing smiling. Her heart jumped at how handsome he was with his hair pulled back and a button up shirt on.

'Jackie" she said quietly. There were candles on the porch and her boyfriend stood up and smiled at her.

"Cmere. Let me kiss you" he said smiling. She walked over to him and he kissed her deeply. Then pulled back. "Happy anniversary beautiful" he said to her smiling

"Baby. You didnt have to do all this"

He smiled and sat on the swing and she sat beside him " you know" he said "This is where i was when i first told anyone i thought i loved you...it was that night...Marvin walked out here and you were asleep and i told him i thought i was in trouble because of my feelings" he chuckled and turned to her and grabbed her hand

"A year ago i held you for the first time, it was so natural. You fit with me perfectly. I didnt know how much youd mean to me though. I thought i cared about you then...but its nothing compared to now. Somehow you fit seamlessly into my crazy world with my crazy family and never blinked an eye... Baby girl im so lucky to be yours"

Christi smiled and ducked her head "oh Jackie. Im the lucky one. You saved me literally and figuratively... And the guys are like family to me. I love them to death. Im just happy to be able to be here with all of you."

Jackie cupped her chin and kissed her softly, she didnt notice his other hand reaching to his pocket.

"Christi Jaymes.... I love you more than i thought possible....and you're the only one i want to hold the rest of my life..."

With that he dropped to his knee in front of her and opened the box revealing a diamong ring

"Will you do me the honor of making me the haooieat man alive and be my wife?" He asked shakily

Inside the house the Septic guys were pressed against the window and cracked open front door "i didnt know if he was going to get it out!" Jack whispered laughing

Christi began to cry and nodded "oh my god! Jackie! Of course! yes yes yes!!" She cried and Jackie slipped the ring on. With that the boy bolted out the door cheering and hugged them both and congratulated them. They all celebrated with whiskey and cake and got stuffed.

******

Later, lying in bed Christi looks at her ring and then at Jackie "you really want to marry me?"

He laughed "hell yes i want to marry you, crazy girl. I love you!"

She smiled "good. Because youre stuck with me now hero boy.... I love you too" she kissed him deeply and he reached over and switched off the lamp, grateful for the distance from his brothers rooms tonight.

8 notes · View notes

unexcusable · 6 years ago

Text

Have some Boy-squad-telling-Martino-he’s-crazy randomness:

It’s Tuesday and Martino absolutely can’t miss any more exams if he wants to pass this year, so he drags himself to school. He’s relieved when Gio is not on the same bus and sits at the window seat, looking out at the city passing by. And feels a pang in his chest, because it reminds him too much..

He passes through this day as if through a fog, as if he can’t really see anything or anyone clearly, as if he’s just going through the motions, sitting in class, spacing out during the literature exam, handing in an almost empty sheet. But he can’t find a single part of himself who cares about any of it. When he finally meets the boys during lunch he’s somewhat prepared to be reminded of Bracciano, of the way his chest had hurt then in a very different way, at seeing Nico and Gio laugh together, at Luca constantly attacking Nico with hugs and smiles and Elia and Nico’s voices inside the car, singing along to a song only the two of them knew. He’s not sure he can endure being around them, but he joins them at the table anyway.

“Marti, there you are! We’ve missed you yesterday, have you–” and Gio stops there, having seen Marti’s expression and understanding, in the matter of half a second, that nothing is okay at all. Marti knew that he wouldn’t be able to fool his best friend.

“What’s wrong?” Gio asks, urgency in his tone, and both Elia and Luca look at Martino, concern and confusion blatantly obvious in their eyes. Martino sits down at the table, looks at his friends and eventually just shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, really guys. Can you just let it slide?”

“Absolutely not.” Gio supplies, and Marti sighs. Of course not.

“Did something happen with Nico?” Luca asks.

“You could say that, yeah.” He breathes, once, twice.. “We’re done–” he sees Elia’s head draw back in confusion next to him. “–it’s over. Because, turns out, It wasn’t real, none of it.” It was too good to be true, anyway.

“What do you mean it’s over? And what wasn’t real?” Gio asks.

Martino looks at him, bites his lips because he can’t, he can’t cry right now, and takes a deep breath. “He’s just had some kind of manic episode, he’s got this thing called Borderline Personality Disorder, I don’t know, but apparently sometimes it makes you do crazy shit and it makes you feel things–” he can’t look at Gio in that instant and drops his eyes down to his own hands instead, fidgeting on the table, “–things you don’t really feel.”

“What?!” Luca says and Martino looks at his three friends, whom he loves to bits, whom he’s so grateful for, but whose shocked, taken aback expressions now just seem painful and make him smile bitterly. Yeah, that’s exactly it.

“It was just..” Martino is looking for the right words, but the only ones he can find are the ones that were put in his head by Maddalena. The words that have been playing over and over in his head, the words that have made him almost completely sleepless for days now. “…a crazy idea he had just then.”

His friends are silent for a long moment, until Gio asks: “Why would you say that?”

“Because Maddalena said–”

“Who’s Maddalena?”

“–she, she’s his ex-girlfriend.” Probably girlfriend, again, now.

“Oh, wow. Martino, my guy, that is some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard you say. You’re gonna believe the ex girlfriend over Nico himself?”

Luca nods eagerly, determination in his eyes. “We saw the way he looked at you on Sunday, Marti.. And hey, my mom has manic phases sometimes, it’s not exactly the same but, I mean.. it doesn’t mean that everything she says or feels isn’t true because of that. It’s just that she gets lost in her head sometimes, but then she comes back again.”

“What, why did you never tell us about that Lu?” Gio asks.

“Well, you never asked.” Luca says, taking a sip of the coffee he’s been holding this whole time. “Yes, my mom is bipolar. And she’s awesome.” He smiles confidently. “Anyway, Marti, listen. We’ve all been around Nico and you, I mean we’ve spent the whole freaking day together..”

Elia and Gio nod in eager support. “When my mom has an episode, I can’t really talk to her, you know, it’s like she doesn’t really understand what I’m saying, she’s just in her own thoughts. But it passes. And you have to understand that in those moments, you can’t really connect with them. But from what I can tell, I mean.. you’ve been connecting massively.“

"Damn Lu, when did you become so wise?” Elia snickers. Luca shoves him a little. “Shut up.” Martino can’t move, can’t find a single thought that would make sense to him right now. What? Just.. what? (Luca wants to add that Marti and Nico seemed like magnets or something, always in each other’s space, always gravitating toward each other, that he’s not sure he’s ever been around such an obvious, intense attraction, he wants to tell Martino about all the times he caught Nico looking at him with brilliant eyes and something like pride, but he decides that he’s going to keep these sappy thoughts to himself.)

Gio puts a hand on Martino’s shoulder, waits until Marti looks him in the eyes and says: “You guys are crazy about each other. And you are crazy if you don’t see that. It just comes down to one question, really: Does him not being well change anything, about how you feel I mean?”

Gio’s hand on his shoulder feels heavier than it should, feels like it’s pressing down with the weight of what Luca just said, what Gio just asked, what Martino said in the bathroom then, everything Nico said in Bracciano. When Gio removes his hand, the weight lifts, and Martino finally sees things clearly for the first time. And he feels how the heaviest weight of them all – do you think he’s in love with you? Know that he’s not – falls away from him, too.

“Marti?” Gio shakes him a little and Marti realizes he has spaced out.

“No, no of course not..” he says firmly, and feels a restlessness, an impatience boil up inside of him. He has to make this right again. He has to ease the guilt of almost having given up on Nico, has to heal the damage that has been done to both of them. Martino feels like that resigned part of him needs to apologize to another, now completely awake and angry, insistent bigger part of him, who can’t believe Marti would just accept Maddalena’s words without question, who feels betrayed and wants nothing more but to go home, to find his other half in Niccolò and never leave his side again.

“I fucked up. I fucked up, didn’t I?!”

Luca shrugs, Elia gives him a silent “duh, yeah” and Gio smiles a little and just says, matter-of-factly, “but you will fix it again.”

#i can't stop ok #sue me #skam italia #ficlet #martino x niccolò #niccolò fares #boy squad support 4ever #martino rametta #nicotino #skamit #i love giovanno so much #and luca is going to blow my mind if they stick with his mom's storyline #sometimes i write things

26 notes · View notes

the-house-of-the-nine · 7 years ago

Text

The Void Forge: The Beginning Part 2

(Warning to those who read, could contain some uncomfortable triggers, capture, torture, dark interactions. I guess NSFW, but lets face it. . . Laz isnt a nice fella. Nothing serious, just not a happy story for this random NPC and The Inquisitor.)

It was several hours prior. . . .

In a stone tomb, secluded from the sunlight radiating from the above; several hundred feet beneath the surface of the cold tundra in Northrend, there came a blood curdling scream that would be heard only by the decomposing corpses of so many that came before. My how such simple things like sunlight, and fresh air are taken for granted when they are stripped away so delicately like plucking a leaf from an innocent flower.

Displayed on an operating table in the center of this cavernous room were various tools and accessories which seemed to scream an almost horrific sight without

even uttering a single word or being handled. Each one was pristine. Clean to the absolute maximum that something could be cleaned, should anyone ever be close enough to examine the items being used on them before having such heinous acts committed. Every piece sterilized, and positioned in a way that would make anyone uncomfortable just by seeing them. One inch apart, pointing north, never touching; never being too far from another. Polished and sharpened to a razors edge. Manual cork screws to bore a hole, forceps and pincers, pry bars and breakers. Each had a purpose; and each seemed far more menacing than the last. This was the plan, intimidation.

Lazarius had started the evening dressed in full from head to toe in a fine silk robe with violet and gold laces throughout. A tapestry of snake like scales woven in the robe from top to bottom. More importantly was the fact that this seemed like an occasion; this was a holiday for him. There was nothing about

the Inquisitors body language that said anything other than ‘I am here to enjoy this, you will not.’.

In that dark tunneled room, torches a blaze with the sounds of near deafening silence collapsing down upon them; the dark lord of the Bastille would step toward his latest victim and proceed to introduce him to the situation. The person being kept here appeared to be Sin’dorei. He was male, and due to the fact that the chair he had been set upon was bottomless, part of him could be seen dangling. A tactic often used in many military extractions for information. Unfortunately for this lad, as with the bottom of his chair; so too were his trousers. In fact, stripped of all clothing, the young male shivered while he had been tied with his hands behind the seat, uncomfortably balanced over the framework and forced to have his genitals so harshly exposed to the cold of this stone bound prison.

“I must regretfully inform you that this was by no means an easy situation for either of us to unfortunately be in. You chained to a chair, I being forced to be the greater of two evils . . . not ideal in the slightest.” Lazarius inched closer.

The sharp blade on his finger slowly scratching across the metallic tray holding the delightful collection of tools and utensils. “Do you understand why you were chosen and currently sit in this predicament?”

“Light be my strength, my shelter. . .” The young elf, not nearly even looking to be but a slight bit over the century mark, would continue to mumble and mutter the phrasing over again out loud.

Lazarius offered a bit of resistance as the adolescent began his mantra. He would keep silent to hear the words repeat over again, a cycle that would be used to try and cleanse the mind of the bound victim. Though this would not deter him in the slightest.

“Light be my strength, my shelter, my shield. . .”

“Do you understand why I have had you brought here. . .to this place, under these circumstances? I want to know where the buyer is. . . ” The Inquisitor repeated.

Again, without responding to the question, the trance induced boy would continue his chant. “Light be my strength, my shelter and my shield. . . let all who attempt to take it away know thine power is my own. . . “

He would not shake easily, and Lazarius knew that. He also knew that there were several things that could rile him up. In the past, someone like this would be met with a terrible fate rather quickly. His temper growing easily when his victims would ignore his requests.

“Do you know wh-”

“Light be my strength! My shelter! My shield! All who prevent me will meet your judgement!” Yelled the man who interrupted Lazarius as he was asking his question once more.

There was no anger in the next move from the dark lord. In fact, every action was carefully planned. This was another trait that was mostly missed during his younger days as a budding Inquisitor. Most cases his anger would get the better of him before he would be able to think through his actions. More likely than not, this anger would force him to make rather impromptu decisions such

as beheading the lad, or killing him in some other horrid manner without actually receiving the information he wanted. But no, not anymore. Lazarius was far more advanced than a decade ago. No longer fueled by rage over his inexperience, but fed entirely by his thirst for power, and confidence growing within his abilities. The clawed ring stopped its tapping, and let the cold steel of the blade rest atop a pair of metal spring clamps. One tap, he knew.

“Light be my strength! My shelter! My shield!”

The Inquisitor calmly removed the clamp and held it up to his vision. Squeezing on the handle would cause the flat jaws to extend, as if they were the mouth of a toothless crocodile widening to devour its prey. The pressure from his palm closing around the handle would keep them open as long as he’d wished. But it was only after releasing, did they close once more. Mind you not a lot of pressure, but enough to hold. .. perhaps two pieces of wood together while a craftsman would glue them for an extended amount of time. Uncomfortable if placed somewhere they were not intended.

The young man would know nothing about the situation, he was screaming his chant with tightly closed eyes. In fact Lazarius had hoped there would be nothing said. And as silent as he had entered the room, the dark Inquisitor would slip toward the bound man and hover behind his chair. “One last time. . . you are here because you know who he sold them to. . . tell me where and I will spare you this reality only once. . .” Despite his effort to offer salvation to the man one final time. He knew that the answer was going to be the same. A resounding repeat of the captives previous saying would shout louder into the room. Echoing off the walls and piercing the ear drums of the Inquisitor, he’d speak nothing of the transaction. That was certain.

Lazarius bent down, in one hand was the clamp and in the other; nothing, yet less empty very soon. He grabbed tightly to the mans scrotum. This was enough to silence the mantra being shouted, to shift attention and cause a pointless struggle that only rocked the chair slightly. “Let me go! No! Stop! Please!” Lazarius did nothing of the sort, in fact, the mans genitals would be pulled down enough so that the flesh coming from the base of his body where they descended was stretched rather thin. The spring clamp in his other hand was then closed around the skin, cutting off the circulation from his testicles to the rest of his body. A painful chilling pinch squeezed around the small fibers and inner parts of the mans insides, no doubt a pressure would be forced into his lower abdomen. Shrill pain manifesting in his kidney and sides while the pressure; that mind you was not intense at all, began to grow with each passing second.

“Let us think about what exactly you wish to say next. . .” Lazarius motioned to the swinging pendulum on the wall. The arm rocking back and forth to help pass the time as the small second hand twirled around the face. “Youve twenty six more minutes to do so, perhaps it will yield a better result. Clarity over time, to help us find the answers we seek.”

And that is where he left him.

The lord of the Bastille often did not choose to indulge in his twin sisters habits. But Vari had been far more active these days, which was good for him; bad for so many other who dared defy them. And her tendencies rubbed off. Lazarius had returned to the table where he kept his tools.

Beside the equipment was a single candle and three hand rolled tobacco cigarettes that were given to him by his twin. All the while, the young elf screamed in a high pitched echo, trying to somehow get through to the sadistic man. But Lazarius would only sit, arms dangling over the edge of the chair while watching the mans scrotum change to a darker shade due to the blood flow causing the oxygen to plummet in that area. He inhaled from the cigarette, all the while watching the scene unfold despite the kicking and screaming from the victim he held. It appeared as though none of this even phased him, the lack of empathy toward him, heartless, cold. . . and calculated.

Time has caught up with Lazarius and his prisoner. (We rejoin from Part 1)

Blood pooled on the floor around the chair that was holding the young elf captive all this time. Parts of him were scattered along the cold stone where Lazarius had been given no choice but to remove them. The information kept in the mind of this elf was far too precious to keep hidden, yet he was persistent. His resolve was fierce. Yet by this time things had gone from bad, to worse and then turned far more bleak.

From the looks of the tool set on the table behind them, plenty had been sullied by the mans blood. Most were out of place, many were used and still clung to small bits of flesh with little metallic hands.

“The location of the Mogu artifacts. . . I want to know to whom they were sold.” Lazarius hissed at the man who had been so far, holding strong to his resolve. But at this point. He was falling into that sleep like state of near death. “And where they are now!”

“It. . .d-doesn’t matter. . . you-you’re. . . to late.” said the elf in a hushed tone.

Lazarius plunged his fingers down into the thigh muscle of the man, digging around with sharp fingered nails and pushing through the sinew to aim for his tendons and ligaments. “Don’t try to divert me with your warnings. . . “

“T-they are already g-gone. . .” spat the captive as he coughed up a large amount of his own blood. “Sent far from anyone l-like you. . .”

The dark lord would pull his fingers from the open wound and slowly wipe them across the brow of the beaten man. “I will determine if my time is being wasted not you. . . you only need worry about your own fate, and your. . .sisters fate, tell me the location and I will make this quick and she will not suffer like you have.” Lazarius slowly made his way around the man in a circular fashion, pausing right before him and leaning in almost face to face. His words were soft, and yet somehow even more menacing now. “The last thing you want, is for me turn around, leave and lock that door behind me, because I will ensure you, that I will keep you alive--for as long as it takes to find her. The festering wounds and septic shock that will set in will be nothing compared to what will come.. . sickness, surgical amputation, starvation. . . let us not forget the rodents gnawing at your flesh while you sleep, unconscious to your surroundings, unable to fend them off. . .and when you finally do meet your end, it will be her starring back at you one final time to remind your dying brain that she will endure something far worse. . .she will have turned against you and her revelation will be getting what I wish to know from you through any means necessary. . .”

There was silence now. Perhaps the man had finally given up and collapsed from the pain. Perhaps he’d passed. It was only a moment later that he coughed again, drooling a stream of saliva mixed with his own blood along his chin.

“Sold. . . to a man Dargon Blackiron. . . Dwarf out of Dun’ Mor. . .” His breathing began to quicken, while he coughed again. “Wrathion sold them. . . to be sealed in G-grim. . B-batol. . away from mortals, away from people like you. . .”

Lazarius listened while the man spilled the information. Whether it was true or not, it was a lead. And at this point, several hours into his nightmare, would lying be worth anything? Perhaps. He knew that it could be a wild chase, but something about the mans answer held truth behind it. The threat to his sister may have done it. Lazarius had known where she was. Given this man was one of Wrathions Black Guards, it wasn’t easy to score the information. But he did manage. This bargaining chip may have been the key, and to be honest; his last chance at intimidating the man.

“Do not. . . let her suffer. . . please all I wish. . . is for her to. . .”

The Inquisitor didn’t even let the man finish his sentence. His head fell back as his throat had been cut clean open with the eviscerating claw protruding from his index finger. Blood spewed from the bubbling cavity along his already ripped apart chest. It ran down his abdomen, into his lap where it had seemed that his scrotum had been torn all the same. Blood was heavily staining the ground around them. Lazarius stood within it, silent, simply closing his eyes as the candle flickered around him. Pure silence, not a single word or sound save for the final last gurgling noises from the nameless prisoner. He couldn’t move yet. But in time Abbigael would come. His dear, sweet hand maiden who for better or worse, served her master dutifully. The innocent girl, a child of a previous member of the Nine; would be forced to clear away her masters mess. But for now. The dark lord would collect himself in the darkness closing in around him.

To be continued. . .

12 notes · View notes

shinwnn · 7 years ago

Text

i said i love you (&. yoongi)

(inspo) five word prompts “i said i love you”

you and yoongi have always been close

like you’ve never known a time in your life where he wasn’t more than a 15 minute drive away from you

& he’s always taken care of u in an endearing older sibling sort of way, even though he was only a year older than u

in hs while you guys were applying to colleges, you figured you’d just maximize ur chances by applying to any college in the city

but yoongi wouldn’t let u and instead went through each place on ur list and crossed out anywhere w in the general vicinity of a crime committed within the past 5 years

“yoongi stop it i’ll buy some pepper spray or something”

and while he’s laying on ur bed looking up each school he says, “pepper spray? u think that’s going to keep u safe? it’s just better if ur somewhere closer to me so i can keep an eye on u”

to which u replied with a teasing smile: “oh i see. so u don’t want me to go far bc ur gonna miss me right? bc ur life would be empty without me?”

yoongi looks up from the laptop and sees how content u are with urself (ur eyes lit up, ur cute smug smile) and his heart almost jumps the slightest bit

but without skipping a beat, he shoots back, “i hope u and ur stupid pepper spray get married far away from me”

neither of you have really let yourselves think abt the possibility of a romantic relationship between the two of you bc things seem so perfect with you guys being best friends that neither of you wanted to even think abt the possibility of change

it’s there though - there’s love in the way you guys look each other and think abt each other when the other person isn’t there and eat dinners with each others families

u end up going to school nearby yoongi’s at a college that he found for u bc he knows the programs ur interested in and atmosphere that u like, and mostly bc he knows ur far too lazy to do any of the research urself

you’ve been going there for about two years now and you don’t see yoongi everyday, but you guys make it a habit to meet up every weekend no matter what

sometimes you go out for adventures on the town, but honestly with yoongi, most of the time it’s just lazy saturday nights on the couch with blankets and good music playing in the background while u guys tell each other abt ur weeks

and it’s just such a cute, wholesome friendship

recently, yoongi’s skipped out on some of these weekend hangouts bc an executive from an entertainment company heard some of the songs he writes in his free time & want him to try composing music for them

so yeah, he’s been busy writing draft after draft of the same demo

and you are so !! happy for him bc you know this has always been his dream

but you’re also worried bc you know how hard he can be on himself and how he always forgets to take care of himself

for the past few weeks you’ve been sending him periodic text messages checking up on him and letting him know what youve been up to, but all you receive in return is a sticker and, once in a while, a :~)”

and you’ve been trying to support him and you give him his space and time so he can write his best but you can’t lie that youre a little disappointed that he’s not making any effort to talk to you

so this weekend you decide to bring him dinner bc he said he’d be in working all night and , quite simply, you just really miss ur best friend

u make him kimchi jiggae bc u know how much he likes ur cooking & u pack some rice & side dishes and head over

but when u show up at his apartment and u realize he isnt home ur a little disappointed and kinda like ??? :/// where is he

you wait around a bit but he’s not answering his phone and after a while its pretty clear that he won’t be back anytime soon so you just hang the bag of food on the door handle with a little note saying “you must miss me a lot right? eat well buddy!!”

and you hang around for 5 more minutes bc ur hopeful but eventually you decide to start home

you remember that there’s a cafe nearby that yoongi would always take you to, so you decide to grab something before you head home

when you walk in the first thing you see is none other than ur best friend sleepily looking at his laptop & ur about to walk over excitedly

but when you look a little longer you notice he’s sitting across from a girl and they’re sharing a dessert & when she says something they both laugh happily

and you can’t explain it, you’re not even sure if it really happened, but you think your heart may have dropped at that moment

you also can’t explain why you turn around and walk out of the cafe when you make eye contact with him

you also can’t explain why you linger outside the cafe just long enough for him to come out and look for you

and when he does come outside you’re a little embarrassed bc you dont know why you did that, but when you look back inside and remember how happy he looked to be ditching your technically unsaid plans, any trace of embarrassment faded into anger

“we haven’t seen each other in weeks and you don’t come over and say hi?” he says playfully with a small smirk

you’re completely taken aback by how he’s acting bc ?? does he not even realize

“oh i am SO sorry!” u say w a violent sarcasm, “i didn’t think you would’ve recognized me seeing how you haven’t bothered to reply to any of my messages”

the soft smile that was on yoongi’s lips fades away quickly as he’s realizing that you’re not joking with him

he looks completely lost and he’s searching ur eyes to try and figure out what’s happening, and he looks like he’s about to say something when you cut him off

“it’s just nice to know that while i’ve been worrying about you, you’ve been out enjoying yourself”

his eyes darken a little with worry “hey,, hey” his voice is soft “i’m sorry i haven’t replied, but you know i’ve been busy. i thought you did at least. where’s all this coming from?”

you break eye contact and look down, you don’t want to say anything bc you don’t know either

you don’t know why you’re suddenly feeling protective over your friend

you dont know why you’re so hurt that he’s hanging out with some other girl,,, he’s allowed to after all

he reaches out to tug on ur jacket bc he wants to get ur attention (but also it’s just a habit of his to tug on ur jacket)

& it’s weird but when u look up to meet his sad eyes and something abt having him there, even when you’re upset at him, is so comforting that, for a moment, u feel every feeling you’ve ignored the past 10 years

u feel how much u completely and absolutely love this boy bc u know that he cares about u SO much & how comfortable and warm he can make u feel even when ur angry and it’s freezing cold outside & u feel that more than anything else, yoongi is home to u

but you can’t say any of that to him so instead u just look down again and say, more softly this time “i’m sorry just,,, go back inside okay? don’t worry about me” and you offer him a weak smile

but to him it’s just completely unconvincing

&when you start to leave he’s completely intending on taking you home and telling you how much he’s sorry bc after all he did kind of ditch u

but he can’t just ditch the girl inside so instead he waits with u by the bus stop

& while youre waiting no one says anything which is funny bc all youve wanted to do these past few weeks is talk to yoongi

"by the way, that girl is in one of my music theory classes. she was helping me polish the song i’ve been working on.”

at this point, you’re feeling a little embarrassed again about the way you’re acting (like a jealous girlfriend)

but you’re stubborn so u just make a sound of acknowledgement

“hey, i’m sorry i haven’t been messaging you. i’ll do better. sorry for making you worry. when i finish my demo track, i’ll take you for dinner ok?”

you nod and see the headlights of the bus coming so you stand up

you feel yoongi link arms with you and you look up to what might possible be the cutest little pout

“please don’t be mad at me” there’s a slight whining in his tone and u cant help but wrinkle ur nose at him, sings of amusement clear on ur face

“good night yoongi” you through him one more weak smile bc you can’t find it in u to offer anything more

he goes back inside after you get on the bus but he can’t focus the rest of the time bc when he was supposed to be thinking about how well certain harmonies complemented each other all he could think about was .... how cute you looked when u were upset?? and how come he though you being angry at him for being w another girl was adorable??

so anyway, the last few adjustments he makes to his track suspiciously has characteristics of a love song

when you get home, u roll around ur bed for a while trying to figure out everything you were feeling before you hear your door ring

when u go to answer it ur surprised to see that it’s yoongi, carrying the bag of food you had left for him ...and another bag from your favorite bakery

when he got home and saw the food you had prepared for him he knew immediately that he shouldn’t have let you leave earlier in the first place, so he figures the next best thing is coming with a bag of apology pastries

“miss me? it’s been a long hour right?” he says before shoving the bag he brought you into your hands “eat with me!”

as he makes his way towards ur small dining table, the weird tension that followed you two earlier dissolves almost completely

and ur enjoying it so much that you don’t even notice that you’re not even eating but instead staring fondly at yoongi

and when he looks up at u curiously, putting down his spoon for a moment and tilting his head bc he can tell there’s something you want to say, you take the opportunity

“sorry for being so weird today, i dont know it was weird i was being weird i shouldn’t have done any of that sorry if i ruined ur night or made you uncomfortable or made that girl u were with uncomfortable i dont know whats wrong with me i had expire yogurt for lunch yesterday maybe that’s it and ur still so nice to me even though i was being so weird and im sorry -”

the words are coming out of ur mouth at a mile a minute bc you’ve been thinking a little 2 much and now that ur finally vocalizing the thoughts, you’re finding it a little hard to stop

thankfully, yoongi also had a little time to think on the way over

and so he doesn’t hesitate to shut you up by leaning forward and placing the softest kiss on your lips before leaning back into his seat, smiling at you like he’s proud of what he did

and you can’t explain why it feels so natural when you kiss & why ur heart feels so warm, but then again you’ve been having trouble explaining a lot of things today

“i love you”

“what?” ur still a little in shock (and the fact that u feel like there are a thousand butterflies in ur stomach isn’t helping)

“i said i love you”

“ok idiot i heard u, but ... what?”

“i love how much u care about me and i love how you get mad at me and i love how happy u can make me and i love how many texts in a row you send me even when i don’t respond and i love-”

this time it was your turn to stop him, in the same way

u can feel him smiling into the kiss and u think to urself that this explains everything youve done today

bc you like him and u always have

“okay, i love you too”

#yoongi #suga #bts #bts scenario #btswritersguild #five word prompt #ok omg finally #this isnt that good but to be completley honest ive had this in my drafts for so long aand im just over it at this point #i ll do better in the future but i hope u can still enjoy this!!

23 notes · View notes

awhilesince · 4 years ago

Text

Thursday, 1 May 1823

1 1/2

Down to breakfast at 9 7/60 Mrs D (Duffin) mistaking said youve only put two spoonfuls in said Mr D (Duffin) you knew you dont take any my dear said I thoughtlessly have the servants an allowance for tea receiving no reply I still more thoughtlessly added you knew Sir I have observed you have seldom lately given direct answer on which he crossly answered you have no business to ask such a question it is no business of yours they have what is right of course I was not a little struck by this quietly ssaid I was sorry for havin asked the question and uttered nothing that was not necessary afterwards

After breakfast wrote 2 2/3 pages to M– (Mariana) Mr D– (Duffin) went to the Gages’ – I went there too on a little while – At 1 we went over the bridge and Mr D– (Duffin) left me at the end of the Belcombes’ passage at 1 1/4 – staid with Mrs Milne while she was with the children at dinner then with her upstairs then with Anne Belcombe, then went out with them – left them at the end of Blake street (they were going on the water with the boys) and went along Gillygate, etc to see poor Eliza Raine – when she was asked if she would see me I heard her say yes – sat with her perhaps about 10 minutes, or not so much – I asked her to play to me on the piano which was open (she frequently plays) but this she refused – I asked the young woman to leave the room for a few minutes – she asked her mother if she might do so, but it was no – they never did leave Miss Raine – Poor girl! she looked pretty well in health, and neat and clean, and altogether much the same as when I saw her last –

From Eliza Raine went to St. Saviour gate to call on Mrs Gilbert Crompton and staid with her some time met Lady Crawford there who went away immediately she was standing when I entered – Mrs GC (Gilbert Crompton) bare me guess what unlikely person she had had placing confidence in her she then told me Mrs Best had yesterday confided to her the story of Mr Hothams having attempted to seduce her in short the same story she told me two or three days ago – Mrs C (Crompton) seemed wondering if I knew anything about it but I pretended ignorance said I hardly knew what to think my thoughts were lost in surprise but at all events I should never utter to anyone what she had told me and thought she had better pursue the same plan she had begun by asking if I would keep the secret but she could not resist telling me it did not seem that Mrs Best had desired her not to name it Mrs C (Crompton) asked if Mary told Mrs Marsh or rather if Miss M (Marsh) knew it she said yes in part but that she might say to Mrs GC (Gilbert Crompton) as they both knew her that Miss M (Marsh) was rather a time server I deprecated this observation having observed however that Mrs C (Crompton) did not at heart dissent she told her husband he could hardly believe without he or his wife saw it in Mr Hothams handwriting and he advised her to call and get to see one of the letters she said she did not give Mary any advice on the subject she really could not pretend to give any I said I should be sorry to name the subject to anyone for the Hothams were in the town and I would not have my name at all brought in with such a story I thought Mrs C (Crompton) was struck with this observation for she agreed with me –

Mrs Gilbert Crompton soon asked me if I would walk with her into Micklegate, and we set off together – I just went in with her for 2 or 3 minutes and then left her with Miss Mary Crompton the only one I saw – Mr C– (Crompton) when he came in yesterday morning while I was sitting with the girls, was quite afloat about some secret or other – ‘Oh! if you go into St. Saviourgate, there’s such a secret for you …. such a secret’ said 2 or 3 times over – For 2nd, the above was the secret – and perhaps Mrs Gilbert Crompton was anxious after my observation to school the C–s (Cromptons) into not letting out this secret – she said to me well perhaps Mrs Best wants it to be known and I won't be the one to tell it for her – what nonsense! –

Speaking of Lady C– Crawford said she had written to Mrs F. Swann, that I was ‘the devil incarnate’ – Her ladyship had this morning taken such violet huff at Mrs Graham’s attempting to go out of the room as her ladyship entered it, that Mrs Gilbert Crompton thought she must be a little cracky – Instead said there was a little misunderstanding between Mrs Empson and myself, or I should have been happy to drink tea with Mrs Gilbert Crompton last Saturday –

Got home at 3 40/60 – After dinner wrote the 1st 8 lines of today – and sent off my letter to M– (Mariana) (Lawton hall) having added a few lines – filled up page 3, and wrote one of the ends – George arrived and brought me a letter from my aunt (Shibden) at 7 – All well – desired him to be in readiness to set off with Hotspur on Monday-week, and left him to do as he liked till then –

Mr D (Duffin) took not ice read him the passage about the time of my being away tho seeming short to me was long to them Mrs D (Duffin) is an ill twined sort of person age after all and selfish enough I suppose he thinks I have made convenience of him there is a great deal of this ssort of jealousy about him I am always tired of my quarters here before I leave them and begin to doubt whether I am ever repaid for coming at all but I won’t quarrel will keep things straight if possible tho it is desperate botheration –

Mr D– Duffin went to a very small party (one table) at Mrs Willey’s at 7 1/2, and I went at 8 3/4 – dressing in the interval very stupid evening – came away with Mrs Anne at 10 1/4 – left Mr D– (Duffin) to finish his rubber – staid up till 10 1/2 then came upstairs a few minutes before Mr D– Duffin returned – glad to be out of his way tho very likely he might be hully at my having come away with Mrs Anne this did not strike me at the time melancholy musing upstairs low and unhappy but now since writing this page I seem quite better writing my journal always does me good

Mrs D– Duffin observed how grave I was at dinner – have been grave all the day – very very fine day – everyone complaining of the heat – Note from Miss Yorke this evening to put off their party to Tuesday instead of tomorrow – wrote the whole of this and the last 6 lines of the last page and had done at 1 10/60 –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/7/0007

#annelistercodebreaker #annelister #aprilmay1823

0 notes

someobscurereference · 7 years ago

Note

ah! if ur still willing to share ur headcanons for fe14, i would love to know ur, um, how shall i say? bedroom ;) (if u catch my drift) headcanons for the nohrian/retainer ships youve done before? only if ur comfortable tho. tbh, if u want to just literally tell me ur headcanons for what their bedrooms are like or like whether or not they prefer to be big spoon or little spoon, that would be equally amazing. just thought id ask bc i love hearing ur ideas for the fe14 ships

I get flustered and embarrassed really easily, but anon, I’mgonna do my best for you!! (I can totally answer, it just takes a lot ofstopping and starting, lol. I’m not sure I think about bedroom activities toomuch, however…)

We can start with just bedroom arrangement and sleepingpositions and stuff though 😉

Laslow… is a Sensitive Boi. He needs to be held and stuff.He gets so melancholic sometimes it’s just all around better for him, probably.I hc him and Odin to be pretty small, actually? (Selena is the tallest out ofthem at like… 5’9’’ or 5’10’’ while the boys are more like 5’6’’ maybe. Thoseheights aren’t solid, but you get the drift.) Anyway, Xander is a big dude andLaslow is smol, so it’s just easier for Xander to lay down while Laslow sleepson his arm/chest. Xander’s probably a traditional guy who sleeps on his back alot (how???), but there are probably nights where Xander does spoon Laslow andLaslow’s face is entirely red from blushing all night. They start out awkwardbut it eventually becomes routine and comfortable.

They’ve probably tried Laslow spooning Xander too, butthat’s always a little awkward because of how short Laslow is in comparison toXander, so their bodies don’t match up as comfortably. Xander still likes itthough, especially if there are days where he feels like he’s not a good enoughleader or really needs to be reassured (during the period where Corrin rejectsNohr/both families, for example).

(Laslow, meanwhile, is thinking, “Hmm, yes, my Lord isCrushing My Arm. Guess I gotta cut it off. Well, it’s a worthy sacrifice.”)

(Tbh Perri probably did come in with breakfast one morningand saw them cuddling and jumped on top of them thinking it was some kind ofcuddle pile or game or literally anything she wanted in on. That morning included a lot of surprised screaming on all ends.)

I remember like reading a fic once where Laslow used “Oh, Ihave to get back to the tent this evening, you know how Owain worries” as anexcuse for something and that really stuck with me? So considering their past,I think all the Time Travel Trio is used to sharing tents and rooms all thetime because safety in numbers and even now that they’re adults, they stillmiss it a bit. (When they shared a tent, no matter how much they fought, Owainand Inigo probably did end up really close together in the night. I hc Severaand Noire sharing a tent a lot, or at least Noire ending up with her in thenight somehow anyway.) So Odin/Laslow are used to holding someone when sleepingand some nights actually sleep a little better that way.

Severa? Probably didn’t get quiet as many cuddles as a preteen/teenbecause of her abrasive nature and Noire’s hesitance and how I’m not sure whatother fe13 characters would have wanted to share a tent and cuddle with herduring the Dark Timeline, though I’m sure there were a few times onparticularly rough days when everyone was holding someone at some point. Still,it’s a little harder for Selena to adjust to sharing a bed than for the othertwo boys? But she probably adjusts fairly quickly and is pretty over the moonat sharing a bed with Camilla.

Camilla is the type to sleep the same way she would hug aperson, i.e. she absolutely crushes Selena to her chest at night. Emphasis on crush. Camilla keeps a tight hold.(Selena may complain but she actually likes it a lot because there’s no debateabout whether Camilla wants her there or not.) Eventually Camilla might loosenher grip a bit in the night, but if Selena tries to wiggle away, Camilla willwake up in a heartbeat and ask where she’s going. Camilla is super into holdingsomeone (and Selena is into being held).

Beruka tends to stay out a bit more? Usually because ofpatrol, but Camilla and Selena often wear her down enough that she’ll share thebed too. Beruka just worries about assassins and being caught unaware, thoughit helps once they point out there’s no greater protection for Camilla than ifBeruka and Selena are right next to her throughout the night. She sleeps on theedge of the bed for easy access if there’s an attacker. On a few occasions, shehas actually come into the bed by herself, very carefully creeping under theedge of the covers when the others are “asleep”. Camilla and Selena onlypretend to be sleeping then, but honestly tBeruka canprobably tell they’re awake too. It’s all for pretenses, honestly, smh.

If there were ever times Camilla and her retainers wereparted, Selena and Beruka would probably end up sleeping separately for a whilebecause Camilla being gone means things are pretty bad and they have a lot ofwork to do. After a few days Selena would end up creeping into Beruka’s sparseroom and demand to sleep together (though she’d probably be self-conscioustoo.) Beruka would probably be very practical about it, and if there was noreason why they shouldn’t (i.e. Selena or Beruka has to be somewhere elsesoon), she’ll of course allow it. Beruka changes a lot when she’s surrounded bylove all the time. She becomes a little softer. It’s nice.

When it was just Niles and Leo, Niles tended to spoon Leoall the time, and some days he still does. Leo would grumble and fight itsometimes but Niles has a way of making anyone flustered enough that he justgives in. (Not that Leo is tooserious. When Niles and Leo first shared a bed, Niles was probably megahesitant to do anything or touch Leo at all until Leo finally said, “Gods,Niles, if I didn’t want you to touch me, I’d tell you.” Niles has taken that asblanket permission ever since. He also wiggled his eyebrows in such a way that made Leo want to die on the spot. smh)

Leo probably spoons Niles on occasion, but that requires Leoto actually go to bed on time and not be practically forced to sleep. Alsospooning Niles makes the archer as close to flustered as he’ll ever get,probably. He’s at least a little more subdued. (Niles very secretly likes beingheld. It’s kinda lovey in a “feeling wanted” kind of way that he’s usuallycynical enough to reject. Sometimes tho…)

With Odin in the mix as well, it basically becomes a LoveLeo Fest though. Odin and Niles both adoreLeo. The way they interact with Leo in-game makes me crack up every time. Theycan’t not follow him everywhere andwill fight battles for him that he doesn’t even want (I’m flashing back to that Beach DLC). So if all three of themshare a bed, it’s often probably Leo in the middle while Niles and Odin are oneither side wrapping their arms around him. Leo often falls asleep overheated.His boys love him very much

Left to their own devices, Niles and Odin tend to tease andbicker and compete more often than not. That doesn’t mean you won’t catch Odinsleeping someplace odd with a blanket Niles placed around him though. (Ibelieve Elise’ C Support with Odin showed that he fell asleep outside his roomat least once, iirc). Niles is much more picky about where he sleeps, but thatdoesn’t mean he hasn’t fallen asleep with his head on Odin’s shoulder whilethey’re camping around a fire at least once.

This ended up being pretty long already and only aboutsleeping positions, lmao. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t think I have anyparticular nsfw headcanons? I don’t tend to think of things like that as “static”characteristics; I think more of in terms of fic scenes, which change a lotdepending on the universe and context. Sorry! If you have a specific nsfwthought, I can throw in my two cents though! 😉

#fe14 #my text #leonilesodin #leodiniles #odin/niles/leo #xanlow #camilla/beruka/selena #i wish i knew their ship names #thanks for the question #asks #i always love the questions you ask anon!#i hope i didn't disappoint this time #long post

39 notes · View notes

vitalmindandbody · 7 years ago

Text

The Struggles Of Dating When You’re Clearly Not Over Your Ex

In April 2012, I met a boy in the middle of a rainy day, on a reces of a busy street. Little did I know the moment he tapped me on the shoulder to say hello “wouldve been” the moment that would change such courses of the rest of my life.

In January 2013, the boy and I made the decision to see one another, and exclusively each another. The bond that has been initiated as a steadily-built affection changed into a quick-blossoming tale. He became person I pleased Id assembled sooner, and one I knew Id hold in my mettle for that momentary instant in time and forevermore.

He was my first love. But I also missed him to be my last.

In December 2014, after a hectic, euphoric-when-it-was-good-but-miserable-when-it-was-bad, on-again-off-again intrigue, I pointed it with the boy — not because I no longer enjoyed him, but because I was afraid of just how much I did.

One year later, the son hop-skip a plane to California and didnt look back. We were no longer together, but that didnt move his leaving any less painful.

Now, three and a half times after we firstly assembled, he is still the first had considered that intersects my psyche when I wake and the last anticipated I take with me to berthed. He got away from me, but he never really got away from me.

Everyone has that someone who got away — the guy or girl who will always be the one. Maybe he came into your life sporadically, or perhaps he was there all along, but “youve never” forget him. He becomes it was not possible to to be forgotten.

After this love with the one expires, you are hesitant to begin a brand-new one. You complain about has no such luck in love, but you dont do anything to change that. You wont used to go because youre is still in your own pate, and when you do go out, you confront potential buffs with a caged heart.

Your life is a series of one waiting game after the other: to the next verse, request or by-chance reunion with the one who got away.

Mistakenly, you believe your ex is your worst antagonist. But he isnt at all; you are your own worst enemy. You are the one containing yourself back from developing a bail with a stranger who might one day turn into someone you are fairly fond of.

And this is the unfortunate ex paradox: the idea that “were living” “peoples lives” propping out for someone imperfectly perfect for us.

But our exes are announced our exes for a intellect. Its because circumstances didn’t work out with them, and we’ve got to learn to move on from them.

Some of us, however, cannot. Some of us suffocate our cherish lives by clinging to the fantasy that the largest patrols of the universe will push us back toward one another because we were once became for one another.

Even though the boy I cherish is pas, I cant improve but hold on to the hope that one day — whether in the near future or someday far, far gone — we will end up together.

But there is danger in waiting for their own lives with your ex, a life that they are able to never come.

You look for old shortcomings in new people.

My ex had shortcomings. On their own, they were of no consequence. But as a whole, they represented something far more than precisely shortcomings in character; they were weakness I descended back on. His imperfectionwas an armchair Ive since learned to rest comfortably on.

These shortcomings are what stirred my ex, my ex — and they’re the mistakes I crave my future buffs to have, too.

I’ve persuasion myself that if I search for my ex’s flaws again in new people, I can kind of recreate him. Ive taken the bad habits Ive seen in the love I formerly knew and enforced them tirelessly onto enjoys has still not been cultivated.

But everyone pallids in comparison to my ex.

Sadly, retrospect is always clearer than actuality. To rely on an outdated image of the man we used to love is to lead with a nave leader and a faint heart.

You dwell on your ex to confuse yourself from a much more profound problem.

There are fewer realizations in life most difficult than coming to terms with the fact that youre focusing on lost adoration as a means of distraction.

My ex is a Band-Aid for something I detect I am missing within myself: his old someone. His youthful vigor. His astronomical, matchless, unquenchable appetite for life. These were all qualities I jealousy, excellences I cherished so much better that I wanted to plagiarize them from him and keep them for myself.

You cant give your all to someone else.

Giving my all doesnt simply aim articulating I will. It necessitates showing I will.

I cant move on by simply telling myself I will. I can reiterate the words all I want, but that wont attain them genuine. Ive got to both taking any decision and make it time.

Until then, though, Im moving red-flag vitality to everyone I gratify, everyone I like, everyone I year — and I can hardly even distinguish Im doing it.

As much as I care my very own willpower “couldve been” strong enough to mend me, season is no other real rectify. I cannot open other beings an honest chance to enter “peoples lives” until I leave myself an honest chance to move forward from the one who’s maintaining me back.

A moment invested wishing your ex will come back to you is a moment you’ll never get back.

I have a picture of what my life is going to be. My ex and I are together. My heart has hurriedly healed; Ive forgiven him for interrupting it. Our future is a reincarnation of the very best specific areas of our past. I live my present biding period until I bump into him again.

But I forget one little possible: Perhaps I am projecting a future that is grounded in foolish imaginations. Maybe the one who got away from me doesn’t speculate I’m the one who got away from him.

And perhaps every moment spent bidding my ex got to find his space back to me is nothing more than a wasted time I’ll never get back.

The post The Struggles Of Dating When You’re Clearly Not Over Your Ex appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2rKpo3v via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes

tuthillscopes-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Why The Laws Of Robotics Would Defeat Robocop

check it out @ https://tuthillscopes.com/why-the-laws-of-robotics-would-defeat-robocop/

Why The Laws Of Robotics Would Defeat Robocop

Oh god, where shall we be held?

Well let us see. Could it be larger than a breadbox?

Yes.

Police vehicle.

I … it is a police vehicle. How did you accomplish that?

Statistics. OK, which was a simple one. Do you want other things?

Yeah. How did I recieve here?

Hmm. Normally, I’d say it is because you had been taken while committing a caper.

Again, statistics.

Speculate you cannot remember what went down, I question if another thing is happening here. Are you currently now a cyborg?

I seem like cyborg now, yes.

Ahh, that settles it, then. You’ve been switched right into a robocop.

That would explain why I am right in front seat.

Not always. It might have been one heck of the caper.

Why did this occur to me?

Hmm. Most robocopification occur to existing police officials. Had you been a cop before?

No. I had been an unsuccessful unemployed man.

Hold on. Your insufficient success brought for you being unemployed?

No. I am talking about that for discovered a duffel bag guy, I had been pretty unsuccessful. Other unemployed people scorned me.

OK, well that most likely explains it, then. It had been from your status being an incredible loser that you simply were selected with this recognition/horror. You’d nothing easier to do, with no you might care should you went missing, as well as did not need to use the great cyborg parts for you.

What exactly must i do? Cleanup the roads? As with Robocop?

Or spray bloodstream all around the roads? As with Robocop?

Strongly wasting crooks most likely is not your own personal purpose here. Remember, Robocop would be a semi-satirical movie in line with the concerns from the era that is made. A robocop nowadays would reflect our current concerns about crime and also the police. Because of the regular flow of unflattering news concerning the police’s practice of targeting minorities, I make a modern robocop would use his incredible abilities to become civil and ethical and otherwise enhance the public thought of police force.

By … targeting white-colored crooks?

Strongly wasting white-colored crooks, but yes.

Awesome! When will i start?

Well, where are you currently parked?

I appear to become parked before an office. The sign states Gentechsys Corp.

Hmm. They’ll most likely be those who made you. And that is great news! Turning reluctant people into cyborgs is most likely a criminal act.

“Ya, sure, it’s gotta be.”

So yeah, just mind on inside and begin wasting people.

Not a problem! ATTENTION, LAWBREAKERS. Place Your HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEADS To Help Ease WASTING.

*several loud thumping actions later*

It happens to me, as I am marching into this building to kill everybody, which i maybe must have requested some harder questions before saying yes to do this.

Without doubt.

Why did not I?

Well, let us look at your directives.

What exactly are individuals?

Somewhere hidden inside your cold, mechanical brain is a listing of considerations to now always do. Safeguard the Innocent or Uphold what the law states as well. Discipline All Crooks. That’s one other good one.

That sounds simplistic.

It’s! It’s pretty much inevitable the results of this complete escapade will pivot on some idiotic confusion about individuals directives.

Why do inevitable?

Poor writing.

Huh.

I am as embarrassed when you are.

IMG 5 TT My novel, Freeze/Thaw, out now!

So how do you check these directives?

I’m not sure. Right click?

How do you … Oh, yup. That labored.

Exactly what do they are saying?

Safeguard the Innocent. Uphold what the law states. Discipline All Crooks. Obey Your Secret Master.

Well there you have it. Much like I stated.

Odd that you would obtain the wording right.

That is odd.

What is your opinion that Obey Your Secret Master factor might be about?

Boy, that’s difficult to say.

I am just likely to ask: Are you currently my secret master?

Well, I would not tell anybody you hear voices inside your mind, so yes, I’d ensure that it stays a secret.

However the master factor?

Indeed, greatly so.

Therefore it was you who helped me? How? Why?

Within my business like a disembodied advice-giving voice, I happened to get a controlling stake inside a bioengineering firm. An unsuccessful bioengineering firm.

Mainly due to my advice.

But after knocking a lot of our accountant’s heads together, I found understand that through the elimination of our nearest competitors, we’re able to be … less unsuccessful. And So I got a lot of our technology, along with pork sandwich along with a really big internet, and that i tried on the extender all to capture a significant loser and switch him right into a weapon of corporate warfare.

Tremendous? Really?

Afraid so, tiger. Anyway, how goes that “killing everybody” factor?

Well, here’s the factor. Everybody began cowering once they saw me coming.

Due to the murder inside your eyes, sure.

And thus we are all here, them cowering and me not. However I can’t appear to kill them.

I have to have an order of the directives wrong. You stated Obey Your Secret Master is on the website, however i guess it’s at the end from the list, and not the top. You’ve most likely getting stuck on Uphold what the law states or some bullshit like this.

Or possibly Safeguard the Innocent.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit.

What?

Safeguard the Innocent is really as the top list.

So? That seems like a great factor. Most likely the best factor?

No, this means I have just produced a killbot.

What?

It is difficult to consider ourselves as anything apart from innocent. People are wonderful at laying privately with that particular point. And there is still some human in your soul somewhere.

What is the issue?

You are probably the most innocent person you realize, and can safeguard yourself no matter what. Even when which means ignoring your lesser-rated directives, like upholding what the law states. Any minor threat you see to yourself can be treated with lethal pressure. Really, this complete factor can only finish in your soul murdering everybody on the planet.

That does not seem good.

It really works out Suitable for you, really.

Though you can find lonely.

Still, I’d prefer not to murder the whole world.

There’s one factor we’re able to try. As being a murderous cyborg is itself most likely an unlawful act. I am unsure what statute particularly, though if little else, our anti-terror laws and regulations are pretty broad. I would like you to definitely try preemptively putting yourself under arrest.

OK, I’ll try. ATTENTION, LAWBREAKER: I am COMING Beside Me.

What went down?

I put my hands on my small shoulder, however I swatted it away.

You protected yourself.

Because I am clearly innocent. This really is hardly my fault.

True. But because a officer, that’s something for that courts to determine. You cannot leave a killbot around the roads. And also you certainly can’t let a killbot resist arrest. Repeat the process.

OW!

Allow me to guess. You are hitting yourself for hitting yourself.

I am attempting to wrestle myself down. OW! Now I am attempting to spank myself?

Which will be the Discipline All Crooks directive then. Odd that you would go this way.

You’ve Been VERY NAUGHTY, LAWBREAKER. Help. OW. Help. OW. I can not stop! OW.

So that’s great news, then. You are held in a vast loop.

This OW does not feel OW like good OW news.

For humanity.

OW. Oh.

Anyway, congratulations! After you are no more fated to murder everybody on the planet. If you want any more guidance, please consult our guide, So You are Tanning Your Personal Ass Within An Infinite Loop Of Discipline.

Chris Bucholz is really a Cracked columnist and other people you know. The writer from the sci-fi novel Severance, his next novel, Freeze/Thaw, is available right now! Holy shit! Join him on Facebook or Twitter.

Have more Robo-action in 5 Signs the New ‘RoboCop’ Movie Might Be Terrible and 4 Reasons Detroit Must Build A Statue of RoboCop.

Sign up for our YouTube funnel to determine why we want Robocop in Why The Scariest Sci-Fi Robot Uprising Has Already Begun, watching other videos you will not see on the website!

Also follow us on Facebook and win a mysterious prize. (Hint: It might be cracked.com articles.)

Find out more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/so-youve-been-turned-into-robocop/

#article

0 notes

viralhottopics · 8 years ago

Text

Everything You Need To Know About Choosing The Right Guy

The following is excerpted from the book Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~ Bill Maher

All the relationship advice in the world wont make any difference if youre choosing the wrong guy. This is the step that often gets missed or overlooked. Women hammer away, trying to pound the proverbial square peg into a round hole, then wonder what theyre doing wrong, why they cant seem to make it fit, why they cant get the love they want. You cant turn a losing stock into a winning stock. You cant force someone to change and to want what you want. You cant convince someone to feel a certain way about you.

I spent way too long chasing after guys who wouldnt or couldnt give me what I wanted, and then I wondered what was wrong with me when it didnt get me lasting love! The problem was simple: I was choosing the wrong men. It sounds straightforward enough, but its a very tricky thing. We fall for these guys because it feels so right, because were swept up in the passion, the chemistry, and the intoxicating aura of unavailability; we get sucked into the space that exists when someone is just beyond our reach and it makes us yearn for him. We convince ourselves that this is it, that hes the one and we just need to make him see it.

This is where the problems develop. This is where all the questions and tears and doubt and uncertainties and fears start to consume you. You mistake these feelings for true love because maybe youve never felt this way before, and you think it must be because this guy is different and this relationship is meant to last.

This is just a glimpse into the confusion that ensues when you choose the wrong guy. If youre hung up on a man who cant commit or wont commit or who is mean to you or who is just a mean person in general, a guy with baggage, a guy with serious issues, a guy who you think would be perfect if only he changed such and such, then youre setting yourself up to lose before you even begin, and you are blocking yourself from ever finding the love you want.

Where Healthy Relationships Begin

Before we talk about what to look for in a guy, its important to look at how relationships begin. The start of a relationship can oftentimes color our lenses and sometimes lead us down a bad path and into a toxic relationship.

Here’s a situation that may sound familiar to you (it was certainly a recurring theme for me in my single life!) You meet someone, something clicks, and suddenly it feels like a force outside of you has taken over.

After this encounter you can’tfor the life of youget this guy out of your head. You try to think about other things but nothing works. You ruminate over every detail of your interaction with himwhat he said, what you said, what his body language said. You think about the things you wish you had said.

You check your phone constantly to see if he called or texted. If he does, your stomach drops, your heart races, you want to leap off your seat and shout for joy. And then of course you need to figure out the exact right thing to say back to him, the perfect quip to show him that you’re perfect for each other.

The high continues as you venture into a relationship, and it becomes even more intense. You never quite know where you stand with him. The uncertainty keeps you on your toes, constantly on alert for something that looks like a bad sign or an ominous foreshadowing. This emotional rollercoaster is as thrilling as it is exhausting. You’re hooked. The worst possible thing that could happen is him leaving. It’s a fear you can’t quite shake no matter how promising the situation looks, a fear that drives everything you say and do.

Now another scenario.

You meet a guy, you think he’s nice and all, you have a good conversation, and he gets your number. While you’re pleased, you don’t go into a tizzy over it. You may check his Facebook profile, but only for a few minutes. You are happy to hear from him if he calls or texts, but you don’t notice the hours that pass in between your interactions. You go out a few times, not expecting much, but soon enough your interest and attraction begin to grow. Things feel calm, there’s no drama, no heart palpitations and it feels really nice.

Which relationship do you think has a stronger chance of survival?

Instinctively, you would say the second one. In real life, you would fall for the first. That’s because the first scenario illustrates everything we’ve ever been told about love.

In movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. There are huge obstacles to overcome, but it’s OK because love conquers all! I mean, would any of us have cared for “The Notebook” if Ali and Noah were of the same social status, went on a few lukewarm dates, then got to know each other and developed a deepening connection over time? Don’t think so.

Unhealthy Relationships Start With a Pull

Relationships that start from a place of pure, unadulterated passion can seldom survive unless they have some substance and depth of connection to stand on. Explosive chemistry isnt what creates a lasting, healthy relationship. It can lead to great sex and feelings of euphoria, and you may come to understand why they say love is a drug, but no matter how intense and all consuming, that sort of thing is seldom sustainable long term.

When you feel a strong and sudden pull towards someone else, the kind that causes you to turn him from mere mortal to deity-like being, something sinister is usually at play. OK, maybe not sinister, but something that isnt exactly what you would term romantic. There are a few good reasons why we might become inexplicably drawn to someone who isnt good for us.

Imago Theory

This theory, developed by clinical pastoral counselor Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., posits that the pull we feel towards another person is guided by our unconscious desire to rectify some issue from our past. Imago is Latin for image, and the theory essentially states that we unconsciously seek partners who reflect the image of our primary caregivers so that we can try to heal lingering wounds inflicted by them by working through issues with someone in their image. These relationships present the opportunity to heal ourselves and become whole again, but they also pose the risk of continuing to pour salt into open wounds.

How it pans out is something like this: if your parents always made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you may seek out guys who make you feel like youre not good enough, then try to win them over in an attempt to rectify those painful feelings from your past.

If your father was very critical, you may find yourself drawn to a man who is very critical, trying to win his love and approval in order to heal from the hurt of your fathers rejection. These decisions aren’t conscious, they happen very deep beneath the surface in areas we can’t easily access. When we meet someone, we immediately sense everything about him, especially the way he makes us feel (again, this happens unconsciously).

On a conscious level, you may assess the things he says, but on an unconscious level, you’re looking at his body language, his tone, the way he phrases things, how much eye contact he makes, his whole demeanor. If your unconscious finds something familiar in that person, something that reminds you of an unresolved hurt from the past, it will light up and push you towards that person.

You may also unconsciously seek out partners who have some quality that is underdeveloped in you. For example, if you’re a Type A workaholic and always wished you could ease up, you may be drawn to a laid-back partner who isn’t so driven.

Maybe this sounds a little too New Agey to you, or maybe it doesnt describe your situation at all, but its a powerful concept and it has gained a

lot of praise and recognition in the field of psychology so its worth considering. I know Ive seen some of this at play in my own dating life.

Infatuation

Being infatuated sounds like a grand, romantic thing, but it can actually be quite dangerous. The problem with infatuation is it isnt based on anything real. Infatuation causes you to fall in love with an image rather than an actual person. It causes you to put someone on a pedestal and overlook his flaws. Since he’s so “perfect,” you become afraid to be yourselfI mean, how could your true self ever compete with perfection? You don’t want to say the wrong thing and scare him off, so you aren’t genuine in your interactions. You rely on his approval so desperately that you also become a bit needy. You may not act needy, but it’s something that lurks beneath the surface and he will pick up on it … men always do. You lose your sense of worth because it becomes so wrapped up in how he feels about you.

Healthy Relationships Build Slowly

Healthy relationships usually begin with mutual interest and attraction that grows over time. This is the complete opposite of unhealthy relationships, which usually start out with a grand light show that quickly simmers into ash. If you can internalize this, it will change the way you date forever.

The most important trait to develop is objectivity. No one really talks about that because its not so sexy, but if you want to find lasting love and prevent yourself from getting hurt, youll need to learn how to use your head a little more than your heart, at least in the beginning. Your heart can lead you into all kinds of bad places. Your heart is the one that tells you its a great idea to go for the bad boy whos just so dreamy, even when hes out on parole and struggling with addictions, or has told you he wont be in a committed relationship, ever. Your heart convinces you that the heart wants what the heart wants and who are you to deny your heart? Your heart doesnt operate according to reason or rational. It makes you do things that you later look back on and wonder, what was I thinking? But you werent thinking, thats not what the heart does. OK, I know Im being mean to the heart. It does have its benefits, but that comes later. In the beginning of a relationship, its best to remain as objective as possible and try to keep your emotions mostly contained.

The best way to do this is to try to go slowly. Ease into the relationship instead of diving in head first. This will create an environment for you to allow your level of interest and attraction to grow steadily over time, rather than flooding you all at once in a big emotional tsunami.

If you spend all your time with him, you risk overlooking critical information about who he really is and if the relationship is built to last. Just because two people feel strongly for each other it doesn’t always mean they can be together.

It is imperative to have a foundation of compatibility, shared goals and interests, and common values. Some things simply can’t be negotiated. Before you emotionally invest, it is wise to determine if you are fundamentally compatible. And the best way to do this is to go slowly. I dont necessarily mean physically, I mean emotionally.

When you first meet someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with him. You talk for hours and hours on the phone, text all day, you can’t get enough. The obvious reason this is problematic is because you may end up relying too heavily on the relationship for your happiness, but also, you don’t get a break from the emotional excitement and stimulation of it all. Then, if you realize this guy may not be right for you, you’ll be in too deep to get yourself out of the situation. You’ll instead rely on some clich like “love conquers all” to justify staying with him.

I am not saying to stay away from guys you feel a strong immediate attraction to and only date guys you’re only “meh” about. I think you should date both kinds of guythe infatuation guy could turn out to be a loser and the “meh” guy could turn out to be the love of your life. (I’ve seen it happen countless times!)

Either way you have to date smart. This will come more naturally with “meh” than it will with the object of your infatuation.

If you just met or just started seeing someone, I strongly advise that you try to limit how much time you spend with him early on. Try to not go on more than two dates a week or engage in marathon texting sessions that go all day. When you do this, you never get a break from the emotional high and you dont get a chance to come back down and recalibrate.

So many girls make the mistake of getting caught up in how the guy feels about them rather than focusing on how they feel about him.

You can avoid falling into this trap by doing regular reality checks. Make sure you see him and the situation clearly. The best way to do this is to make sure you can recognize his flaws. The way you know you’re infatuated is if you see no flaws. has flaws.

Why It Matters

When you get in over your head, you may convince yourself that something like him wanting to live only in the country and you wanting to live only in the city is not such a big deal. Someone who maintains a more objective perspective would acknowledge that she would be miserable living in the country, and since this guy wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else, she would get out of the situation.

I’ve seen (and personally experienced) many situations where a couple breaks up after a long period of time because of some issue that was apparent right from the beginningtheyre different religions, want to live in different states, one person doesn’t want kids. In every one of these situations, the couple believed that things would magically just work out. Imagine how much time and effort they would have saved and heartbreak they would have avoided had they been dating with their heads instead of their hearts from the beginning.

Qualities That Make Him a Keeper

A lot of women write to me begging to understand why their relationships always fail why guys treat them badlywhy they always get hurt … why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common thread in most of these cases is that these women are choosing men who clearly are not husbandor even relationshipmaterial and hoping that by some chance the men will suddenly transform into the knights in shining armor they want. This type of situation doesn’t exist anywhere aside from cheesy romantic comedies. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.

Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. Sure, he has emotional issues, he’s jaded, he’s struggling at work, he has no direction, he still acts like a frat boy even though his acting-like-a-drunk-idiot-and-getting-away-with-it days expired years ago, but there’s a really great guy underneath all that and as soon as we deal with all this other stuff, then we’ll have an amazing relationship. I’m sorry, but no.

The problem with these damage cases is that they often have a lot of the qualities we want, but not the ones we actually need. There is a big difference between wants and needs when it comes to relationships, but it’s not always easy to make the distinction. You might want a guy who is tall and strapping and charismatic and a CEO of a major company, but a guy with those credentials might have a host of other qualities that arent good for you and dont fulfill your fundamental emotional needs. My husband is the opposite of the “ideal man” I had envisioned for myself, but even though he doesn’t have certain qualities I used to consider requirements, he is exactly what I need. That was clear to me and everyone around me very early into our relationship.

When I hit that stage in life where I realized I was done dating for the sake of dating and wanted to settle down and find “the one,” I realized that the kinds of guys I liked to date weren’t necessarily husband material, and I had to really examine my list of wants and needs and figure out the differences between the two. Doing so made all the difference. Suddenly the damage cases who were once oh so appealing did nothing for me.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a serious relationship, these are the most essential qualities you need to look for in a man, the ones that tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the one and this is it.

He loves your good qualities and accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws. You don’t need to hide your true self from him and put on a front in order to be what you think he wants. You can share your true self and be vulnerable and feel safe doing so, knowing that if anything it will make him feel even closer to you.

He is there for you when you need him, even if it’s inconvenient for him. A partnership will sometimes require sacrifice and compromise. Life is unpredictable and unexpected. You can’t predict what will happen and nothing can possibly go as planned 100% of the time. A guy who is husband material will be there for you when you need him. He will be in it with you; he will be your partner in whatever happens and will weather the storm with you, even though he might prefer to stay in the sunshine.

He considers you when making decisions, both big and small. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Factoring you in shows that he respects you and that he wants to create a life with you, not simply envelope you in his world. Our worlds can be comfortable when we dont have to compromise, so it’s not always easy taking someone else into account and factoring in their wants and needs and preferences, but that’s what a relationship is.

He is growth oriented. No one is perfect; we all have flaws. And these flaws aren’t black and whiteusually a person’s greatest strength is linked to his greatest weakness. In a relationship, his behavior affects you (and vice versa) and sometimes his less developed traits will have a negative impact on you. A growth-oriented guy will want to work to strengthen his character. A guy who isn’t growth oriented will say its your problem and that this is just the way he is and you need to deal with it.

For example, let’s say you’re dating a guy who can be insensitive at times. Maybe he doesn’t give you emotional support when you’ve had a rough day and instead just gives you matter of fact advice in a direct way. His no-nonsense approach to solving problems might be useful to him in the workplace, but it might be hurtful to you sometimes when he doesn’t empathize with what you’re going through and instead just tells you what to do about it, or gets impatient by the fact that you’re upset over something he doesn’t consider to be that big of a deal.

You want a guy who will accept that his tone can come across as harsh and hurtful to you and who actually tries to work on it, not one who says it’s your problem and you need to deal with it. He probably won’t get it right every time, but if he’s growth oriented he will at least try.

He has similar beliefs and values. This one seems so obvious yet it’s so often overlooked. Love does not in fact conquer all. If you are not fundamentally compatible, you will face major hurdles ahead. If he is going to be your life partner, you have to make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to issues that matter. And if you aren’t on the same page, then make sure he respects where you stand (and vice versa) and that youre both willing to work together to reach a mutually fulfilling understanding about your differences.

Everyone’s values are different. For some, their values will be rooted in religion. Other people value a strong work ethic, while some value a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. It may sound trivial, but I’ve seen very serious, long-term relationships end because one person couldn’t deal with the other’s lack of ambition or motivation.

He views you as his partner. The relationship is something more than each of you individually … together, you and he are a team. And as that team, you are both individually stronger than you could be on your own. He sees you as his equal, as a person of great value, someone he can grow with. Not someone who is there to feed his ego, give him validation, be his emotional crutch, or be there solely to satisfy his needs.

He respects everything about youyour thoughts, ambitions, opinions, the things you say, the company you keep, your job. He doesn’t make you feel bad about your life circumstances and he appreciates the person you are and the choices you have made.

He wants to make you happy. One of a mans most fundamental needs in a relationship is to make his girl happy. It may not always feel like it or look like it, but its true. In order to truly bond with a woman, a man needs to feel like he can make her happy. And when a man truly cares for a woman, he wants to do whatever it takes to make her happy. Love is a selfless thing. If you love people because they make you feel great about yourself, then it isnt real love. When a man shows he genuinely cares about you and your happiness, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of his own happiness, then you know his feelings are for real.

He communicates with you, even about tough issues and even if one of you is upset with the other. With the right guy, you won’t be afraid of bringing up certain things for fear of rocking the boat. You know he respects you and will see what you have to say as valid and important. Every relationship will face its share of obstacles. There will be fights, miscommunications, arguments, and also times when one partner isn’t feeling loved. The only way to emerge from the tough times better and stronger is to work through them together, and this starts with open communication.

He wants the same kind of commitment you want. A guy can have all the qualities on this list, but if he doesn’t want to marry you (or commit in the way you want), or maybe doesn’t want to get married in general, then he is not for you. When a guy is ready to get married and meets a girl he thinks he can spend his life with, he knows pretty early on. That’s not to say hell get engaged right away, but he knows this is it and she knows it too. Maybe he tells her or maybe it’s so obvious he doesn’t even need to. It might be the wrong time, maybe he wants to wait until he’s more established in his career or more financially stable, but he will still convey his level of commitment; she won’t be left hanging and guessing and wondering.

If he still feels like he has wild oats to sow and is drawn to the single, bachelor, party-boy lifestyle, he is not commitment minded and you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If what you want is a serious, lasting commitment, make sure he is on the same page before you become invested. When a guy is ready for a serious commitment, it’s usually pretty obvious. And if it isn’t, then bring it up and discuss it with him. If he’s husband material, he’ll understand. If he isn’t then at least now you know before it’s too late! And yes, I understand that not every woman makes getting married a goal and I respect that. But Im speaking to those who want a lasting commitment, be it marriage or a partnership without a legal piece of paper.

But the Most Important Quality of All Is

He wants to make it work. Hes willing to put in any amount of effort. If there is a problem, he wants to find a way to solve it. He wants to work harder, to be better, to be his best self. The important thing to keep in mind is that people have different ideas about what it means to put effort into a relationship. He might believe that working hard and being good at his job is putting in effort because he wants to provide for you and give you nice things and a comfortable lifestyle. (I use this as an example because it’s a classic point of contention between men and women: she will often view him working too much as him putting no effort into the relationship and being married to his work).

I remember the exact moment I knew my husband was the one. After about a month of everything being perfect (as they usually are in the beginning), we had our first conflict. It was nothing major; we just started experiencing areas where our personalities clashed and seeing how we process things differently. I tend to be more intellectual and straightforward in my thinking, while he’s more emotional and dynamic in his thinking. I would get impatient with this, and my impatience was hurtful to him. The details don’t really matter, what matters is that I remember the way he brought the issue up and how sincere he was about working through things and getting to a place of better understanding.

I have seen countless variations of this kind of scenario: girl is dating a guy, things are going great (again, as they often do in the beginning), but then they hit that inevitable point of conflict. Maybe she acts needy or maybe he gets distant, but whatever happens suddenly things aren’t as seamless as they were the week before. Then he decides he can’t hang anymore and tells her he “doesn’t have time for a relationship” or he can’t give her what she needs. The girl racks her brain trying to figure out what she did wrong, what she could have done differently.

She thinks if she hadn’t been so needy, if she had been a little more chilled out, if she hadnt done this and instead done that. Really, the only way things would have turned out differently is if she had behaved perfectly according to his script, if shed never disagreed or been unhappy with him, if shed been perfectly in alignment with his thoughts and what he wanted in a partner. That sounds reasonable, right? (That’s sarcasm in case it didn’t come across!)

If a guy leaves when things get a little rocky, it means he is lacking in the most important quality you need in a partner, and that is a man who is committed not only to you, but to making it work. It’s easy to be in a relationship when everything is all sunshine and roses. The truth comes out after time goes on, when you let your guard down, when you can be more of yourselves instead of the absolute best version of yourselves. Even the best couples don’t seamlessly fit together. There is always a certain degree of work involved in order to create that deep and meaningful connection, and it has to come from both people.

When a guy is ready to settle down and sees you as a good potential partner, he wants to make it work. He wants to overcome the differences, to get to a place of better understanding. My husband and I are so different. The way we think and feel is different, and the way we communicate is different. In the beginning of our relationship this definitely caused problems, but now, after really committing to working on it, we have hit this amazing place of understanding and are so much more in sync. The differences still exist, but we were able to meet in the middle. Even when things got difficult, I wasn’t any less sure he was the guy for me because of how deeply committed he was to making it work.

A big mistake I see women making is blaming themselves when a relationship falls apart. They torture themselves with could haves and should haves. I should have been less needy, I should have been more agreeable, I could have been more supportive, etc. Yeah, you could have done all that, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t committed to making it work.

There will always be differences, there will always be problems, you will not always behave exactly how he wants a partner to behave (same for him).

A relationship isn’t about finding the perfect match, it’s about finding someone you can form a meaningful, lasting partnership with. Notice the word form. It’s an active process; it doesn’t just exist. It’s about working together, being a team, and overcoming the challenges.

Some people have deal-breakers and that’s that. Maybe it’s religion or where to live or lifestyle preferences. But all the other stuffpersonality quirks, your nature, your ways of interacting in social settings, your fundamental traits … either he’s in it or he’s not. And if he’s not, then there is nothing you can do.

Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

Every relationship is different and comes with a unique set of circumstances. However, there are some universal standards that indicate a guy isnt the right one for you, a few red flags that should never be ignored but usually are.

You Don’t Trust Him

Without trust, there is no relationship. Period. In a good, strong, healthy relationship you feel at ease. You feel safe. You feel secure. You do not feel constantly panicked and on edge, always anticipating the proverbial other shoe to drop.

If you don’t believe the things he tells you or are always questioning his motives and his whereabouts, there is something majorly amiss. You can’t spend your life constantly on the lookout; that’s just exhausting.

Sometimes a lack of trust develops because of something substantial. Maybe he cheated, maybe you caught him in a few too many lies. And sometimes it’s something that lingers in the pit of your gut. Even though you can’t quantify the reason, you just don’t feel like you can trust this person. Either way, it’s a big red flag and a major sign that your relationship isn’t going to last.

If he cheated on you or lied to you, then you’ll have to be honest with yourself when you decide if you can truly move past it and if you really, genuinely believe that he’ll never do the same thing again. If you can’t get to that place, then there isn’t much point in sticking it out. You’re just setting yourself up for a life in which you always feel paranoid and insecure. Relationships are supposed to bring out your best, not your worst.

If you can’t quite pinpoint the reason for your trust issues, you should listen to your gut. Our gut instincts can be incredibly powerful. Just make sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities onto him and aren’t making him pay for the sins of a cheating/lying ex.

There Is No Depth of Connection

Sexual chemistry is great and is definitely important, but that alone can’t sustain a relationship. An amazing sex life is only one piece of the puzzle, yet for a lot of couples it’s the only leg the relationship has to stand on. I know so, so many women who got so engulfed by the intoxicating chemistry they experienced with their partner that they overlooked every sign that clearly showed he wasn’t the one and wasnt even that great of a person.

For a relationship to last, you need to have depth of connection. You need to know your partner intimately, and this goes way beyond his bedroom skills. You need to know who he is, what he wants out of life, and what his hopes, dreams, and fears are. You need to connect to each other in an honest, unguarded way.

Each person is composed of many layers. In our lives, some people see the surface layer, a select few see what lies beneath the exterior, and very few see straight to the core. Your life partner should be in the last group.

Knowing the basics about someone isn’t knowing who they are. If you know the same things about your guy as most of the other people in his life, then you don’t have much depth of connection. Fortunately, this issue is one that can be fixed. Try to make an effort to connect to him in a real way. If he resists, or you still don’t feel like youre connecting in a significant way, then it means he’s probably not that invested in you or the relationship. Or maybe you’re just not the right fit for one another.

Attraction and sexual chemistry are never enough to sustain a relationship. If that’s all you have thats fine, but you might want to move on if you’re serious about finding the one.

Lack of Respect

Respect is the most overlooked element when it comes to making a relationship work, but it’s one of the most essential. If you’re going to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must respect your partner and he must respect you.

Respect is huge for guys. In fact, I’d say it’s the number one thing men want out of their relationship. Just as most women need to feel loved and adored, men need to feel respected and admired. A man needs to feel like the man; he needs to feel respected. If you don’t respect him or the way he lives his life, he will resent you and will not want to be with you long term.

At the same time, you need to be with a partner who respects you. This means he respects you as a person: your beliefs, your aspiration, and especially your boundaries.

Eye rolling has actually been shown by famous relationship researcher John Gottman to be a big predictor of divorce, and it’s no surprise eye rolling is a manifestation of contempt, which is the opposite of respect.

He Brings out Your Worst

As I mentioned earlier, relationships are supposed to bring out your best.

The sad fact is, a lot of women end up shackled to a person who brings out their worst.

Sometimes you might not even recognize the person that your relationship has turned you into. That was definitely the case for me many years back before I knew any better. I made the same mistake countless women make. I got so caught up in my feelings for the guy that I overlooked the fact that I didn’t really like myself all that much when I was around him.

Throughout the course of my yearlong relationship with Eric, I was unrecognizable from my previous confident, happy, positive self. Instead I felt insecure, panicked, anxious, and perpetually on edge, but I couldn’t let go because of my strong feelings for him. Those feelings locked me in a tight grip, and it was only when the relationship inevitably imploded that I was able to see just how toxic the situation truly was.

It wasn’t that he was a bad guy; he was just bad for me. It’s a fact that would have saved me years of heartache had I realized it sooner. While getting myself out of that relationship felt impossible, the end was always inevitable because we brought out the worst in each other.

The point is, a relationship should lift you higher, not drag you down. It should help you reach your potential and become the best version of yourself. Of course relationships can’t be all sunshine and roses all the time. They take patience and work. But this work leads to a positive place, a place of growth and understanding and more love and connection. Bad relationships are ones where the work involved is expending energy on fighting and arguing and trying to win. A relationship wont always feel perfect and pleasant, but overall it will help you grow into a better person, as long as youre with a good guy who is committed to making it work and loves and appreciates you for who you are.

He Doesn’t Take Responsibility

One of the biggest relationship red flags is when someone wont take responsibility for anything and instead blames you, maybe using a justification along the lines of, “Well I wouldn’t yell at you if you weren’t being so annoying.” Rather than admitting when hes wrong, he comes up with excuses and justifications for his behaviors and reasons to blame you.

One of the biggest indicators of psychopaths or sociopaths is not being able to take responsibility; its a fundamental lack of empathy that prevents them from ever being able to see the other persons perspective. However, it doesnt always start out this way. In the beginning hes enraptured by you and everything you do is right. Then suddenly he’s unhappy and he blames you for everything that’s wrong. If you erroneously reason that youre the problem, he may feed this mentality. You don’t inspire him enough, you don’t give him what he needs, you arent supportive enough, youre always negative. It’s always you, never him.

Im not saying every guy who cant take responsibility is a psycho; he could just be immature. But it is something to keep in mind because narcissists are out there and this is one of their key features.

Hes Selfish

I have a friend who was seeing a guy she really liked, and she continued to date him even though he was clearly a bit immature and selfish and not ready to settle down (we joked that he had her sexmotized and thats why she wasnt able to break free of his spell). There were signs of trouble all over the place, but most were little things and thats why they were easy to sweep under the rug.

For example, one night she suggested they go to a vegetarian Indian restaurant she loved, and he got all pissy and said there wasnt a point in going out for Indian food if he couldnt eat meat. Never mind the fact that he always chose the restaurants, that they always did what he wanted, that they always slept at his apartment because thats what he wanted, or the fact that he had told her to pick a place for dinner. It was the one time she got to decide something, and she was overruled because it wasnt what he wanted.

This may seem like a silly example, but it demonstrates the essence of selfishness, one that will continue to pop up when dealing with a selfish person. And in that relationship, it did, over and over until finally she couldnt take it anymore and ended it. (This launched the make-up and break-up cycle for a while, because thats what happens when you linger in a relationship with the wrong guy, but eventually they cut it off for good.)

Selfish people also tend to engage in selfish love. That is, they love you when you make them feel good; when youre behaving how they want you to, theyre the best partners ever. When you go off script, then they withdraw and wont do anything for you in a sort of tit-for-tat retaliation.

Thats not how a relationship works. A relationship isnt there to serve one person. Its a partnership and its about working together, not one person working for the other.

Let Your Gut Be Your Guide

I mentioned the importance of listening to your gut earlier and want to get into it a little deeper because its an essential skill, one that can keep you out of sticky situations. f At the end of the day, you usually already know the answers to your dating questions. The lists I provided of qualities to look for and red flags to watch out for can help you see things more clearly, maybe making it harder to hide from whats right in front of you, but oftentimes you already know. You know when a guy isnt worthy of youwhen youre wasting your time, when youre not being treated the way you would like to be treated or the way you know you deserve to be treatedbut you push this knowledge down because you just dont want to deal with it. You dont want to deal with a breakup, with putting yourself back on the market, with dating more guys, navigating the waters, trying to find a guy who cares about you. You dont want to because its exhausting! It seems somehow easier to stick with whats broken and try to just make it work.

In a good, strong, healthy relationship, you feel loved and secure. You don’t question whether your man is using you and if the things he says are genuine. You just feel at ease. Feeling constantly on edge, waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop, is usually a sign that something is amiss and your instincts are trying to open your eyes to a reality you don’t want to see.

Your gut is a powerful tool in relationships. It’s something we all possess and it can be fine-tuned to work optimally. The way to get in touch with it is to listen to what it’s telling you. Listen to that small, quiet voice that gently tells you: “You deserve more than this, you don’t need this guy.”

The voice of your ego is loud and overpowering. It tells you “Of course hes the guy for you! So what if he disappears for days at a time, he told you that you were the most amazing women he’s ever met, so I mean, DUH! He loves you.”

Your ego shouts over the noise and convinces you that the outcome you want is reality because it has a lot at stake should this not be the case.

Most people allow their egos to get so entangled in their relationships that when the relationship collapses, their ego comes crashing down with it and then absolute misery ensues.

Our unconscious mind has a whole arsenal of information that our conscious mind doesn’t have easy access to. It has stored up pretty much everything that’s ever happened to us and makes decisions accordingly.

Have you ever met someone and liked him right away even though you barely knew him? Or maybe you meet someone who seems perfectly nice, but you just can’t stand her? This is the unconscious at work. The people we’re drawn to oftentimes remind us of people we’ve had positive encounters with in the past. So too with the people we don’t like right off the bat.

You can pick up on things subconsciously without even realizing it, and it will cause you to have a feeling that you can’t quite pinpoint or explain.

The point is, most of the time you already know the answer. The problem is that you wish it were a different answer so instead of accepting it you whittle away what you know with rationalizations.

Here are a few tips to help you get better acquainted with your gut:

Ask yourself a question and listen for the immediate answer. For example, if you’re debating whether or not to dump your boyfriend, ask yourself: “Should I break up with him?” and listen to what first pops into your head. The real answer will most often come first, and then the excuses and justifications will pile on top.

Make the decision and then listen to your body. If it’s a bad decision you’ll feel an aversion to it, usually in the pit of your stomach.

Check with a friend. It can help to get an outsider’s perspective because sometimes we can mistake wishful thinking for our gut instincts. Talk to a friend you trust for a dose of objectivity.

Practice mindfulness. Most people live their lives bouncing from one thing to the nextwork, errands, happy hour. There isn’t that much time to listen to our own thoughts. Try to stay mindful and conscious throughout the day and check in with yourself to see what you’re thinking and feeling. It also helps to set aside some reflection time. You can use this time to meditate, do yoga, journal, take a walk around the parkanything that will give you the space to check in with yourself.

Remember this: Choice is everything. It will largely determine if a relationship succeeds and lasts or fails and leaves you broken-hearted. The good news is that you have the power to choose the man you let into your life. Choose wisely!

Love doesnt have to be that hard, by Sabrina Alexis is available here.