#like yours -> loving the aroace flag and identifying with it the most

[chemicalarospec]

completed pfp!! yay!! (again, please don't use because these are all my own pictures but I can make a tutorial on how to make this :D)

[fullofbees]

Obey Me Brothers with an AroAce MC!

I know it's technically July 1st but shhhhhhhhh

CW: None!

»»----------► Reader is Gender Neutral

He would be the most nonchalant about it. When you first come out to him, he lifts his head from the desk, staring at you confused. You sweat, about to overexplain before he interrupts you with a question. 

“Will this affect our relationship as it exists now?”   You shake your head, “Of course not, I’m more than content.”  He nods, returning to the paperwork on his desk, the silence only broken by the scribbles of his pen. You remain in place, now the one staring in confusion.  When he notices you haven��t left, he raises his head, “Everything alright?”  “I’m just shocked. Most people have a few... follow-up questions.”  Lucifer shrugs, “Lust isn’t my department.” 

He would first ask a million questions trying to understand. It’s not that I don’t think Mammon couldn’t understand, I think it’s more that he genuinely does not care what you identify as, but he wants to learn about you so he’s going to pester you about it. So long as you remain his friend, and he gets to retain his bragging rights as your first demon, you’ll always be cool. 

You try to keep up as he drags you down the street.   “Mammon, why do I need to go the casino with you again?”  The demons rolls his eyes like you just asked the most ridiculous question in the world, “Pffft! You’re my lucky charm of course.”   “I am not playing the slots for you!”  You almost ram straight into his back when he abruptly stops.   “Don’t need ya to. I’ll be sure ta win with an ace up my sleeve!”   Now its your turn to roll your eyes, at least so you don’t have to look at his smug face. It’ll only encourage him. 

When you first explain your orientation to Levi, he is excited. You know Levi gets easily flustered when it comes to emotions, but he’s made great strides to let you see his vulnerability, so in the end you decided to show yours too. It still doesn’t mean you were expecting him to start on another anime ramble. 

“That makes so much sense!! I mean in My Whole Life I’ve Been a Cat but A Wizard Recently Made Me Human and Now I Have to Attend High School Where a Pack of Dogs Is Out to Get Me Because I’m The Adopted Daughter of Their Rival Gang Leader, the protagonist never receives a love interest! I totally thought they were retconning the manga when they had her turning down every declaration of love but her being aroace would fit the storyline so much better--” 

Already understands; you don’t even have to explain the terms to him. 

“Wait, you.. Know what I’m talking about?”  The demon glances up at you from his book, “That is what I just said.”  “Wha- from what- how?” You hate blathering incoherently, especially in front of Satan, but his reaction is not what you were expecting.  The demon raises his book so that you can see the cover, “Sherlock Holmes.”  You process the comical nature of this interaction before quipping back, “Yes, I suppose it is elementary.” 

Would probably go overboard in his support. Of course he means well, he’s just excited!! He goes out of his way to stay up-to-date on the tea news of the community; and honestly, he probably finds you the most obscure pride merch. 

“You should let me paint your nails the colors of the flag, hon!”  You stare down at your plain, dry nailbeds. They are definitely overdue some TLC.  “I don’t know if I want to be that on the nose about it...”  “Oh hush, I’ve never disappointed you before, have I?” He says with a giggle and a wink, “C’mon, chop chop! Off to my studio!”   “You mean your room?” You tease.  “Studiiiioo~”  

Finds out because he overheard you discussing the garlic bread and cake memes.  

“Aroace cake.... sound delicious, what’s in it?” The hungry demon asks just after his signature stomach growl.  “It’s not a real cake, Beel,” says Levi.  The poor demon’s face drops, now pouting as he looks down at his aching stomach.   “Beel, you okay?”  He dejectedly sulks out of the room and towards the kitchen, muttering to himself about the cake being a lie. 

I think Belphie would understand it to a startling degree. He has never had any serious relationships himself, finding that he already feels fulfilled with his friends and family. Perhaps you can help him explore this new revelation.  

“Mmm, it must be nice, actually. Less time wasted, more time for naps.”  “I never thought of it like that before... I should take more naps.”  He nods with a sleepy grin, patting the cushion next to him, “Who needs a thirst trap when you can have your first nap?” 

•••✦ ❤ ✦••• Submit A Request •••✦ ❤ ✦•••

A/N: Happy Pride Month from your fellow aroace author! Wishing you all the best <3

[old-skyguy]

People who engage in queer discourse seriously need to be reminded of what being queer actually *is*.

It's not fitting into heteronormative standards.

It's not fitting into amatonormative standards.

It's not fitting into gender norms and doing stuff that makes YOU happy. It's taking control of your own body and doing what feels right instead of something that you felt forced/were forced into. This INCLUDES intersex people.

Just because you don't understand someone's identity does not mean you can't be supportive and it does NOT mean you get to tell people whether they do or don't belong in the queer community. They don't owe you thing about a DAMN thing in terms of an explanation in order to justify their queerness. If they say they're queer, they're queer. If not, they're not.

And again. This INCLUDES aro/ace/aroace spec people. It INCLUDES cishet aro/ace/aroace spec people.

It INCLUDES straight trans people. Anyone gnc who identifies with being straight or cis in any way. He/him lesbians, she/her gay dudes, agender people, pangender, it/its, who actually gives a fuck??

This INCLUDES intersex people.

This INCLUDES people who use neo pronouns/identities. It INCLUDES micro labels, even the most obscure ones you haven't heard of because you know what? They use it because it makes them feel good.

It INCLUDES the "cringe" people you think are too weird to be associated with. You can't make up someone's mind about whether they belong especially when they're disabled and have already been excluded from a lot of shit for most of their life, not to mention it's really insulting. Even if they're just "weird" or some shit and not disabled at all, still!! Don't be an asshole! I can't believe I have to say this to a group of people whose entire thing is acceptance and unconditional love for differences, but if you don't accept people in your own group who are different from you, you are the problem!!

Queer just means you don't fit into society's view of what "love" or your sense of self means and I PROMISE you that all these people and all others included in the LGBTQ *Plus* know themselves better than you do. You can ask, politely, if you're curious, but no one owes you an explanation and if they feel like they belong, just leave them be and ignore them if you're really so stuck-up you can't handle queer people who are "weird" or "different" to your idea of queer. Because if YOU are deciding who does and does not get to be included - in YOUR narrow idea of queerness - YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

Flag discourse and pronoun discourse and identity discourse other whiny little assholes complaining about this and that. None. Of. It. MATTERS. Go to a gay event irl or whatever and *no one is going to give a FUCK.* And if they do, they're not worth your time. I promise ipromiseipromise people irl are open to having actual intellectual conversations about identity and shit and the rhetoric of other queer people just telling you to KYS for using some label or some shit is only because the online world of pointless arguments is bleak and sad and devoid of the connection that actual complex people with feelings and unique experiences exist behind the screen. If you're one of these ignorant people, get better, and if you've ever been on the receiving end of this mind rot, it gets better.

The only way we will ever make a change towards a problem that actually matters, we have to forget the whole "UNITE AGAINST THE CRINGE ONES" narrative and open our eyes and stand together against the real oppressors.

Ridiculing people you hate because they're different will not help and will only hurt yourself in the long run.

[selfship-confession-box]

For me pride month is tomorrow and I would just like to wish a very happy pride month to all my fellow queer selfshippers!

Gay selfshippers, lesbian selfshippers, bi selfshippers, pan selfshippers, omni selfshippers, aro, ace, or aroace selfshippers, you're all so valid!! Your love for your F/Os is so inspiring to me as a queer selfshipper, I love seeing people take pride in their identities and show that love with fictional characters! I know they love you just as much as you love them, and they're so happy to support you and your identity!! They're so happy to be with you!

Transmasc selfshippers, transfem selfshippers, trans men selfshippers, trans women selfshippers, nonbinary selfshippers, agender selfshippers, genderfluid selfshippers, or selfshippers of any gender orientation, you're also very valid!! Your F/Os support you no matter what and would love to be there for you on any dysphoria days, they'd always respect your identity and love you just as you are! They want to celebrate the euphoria with you and be there for you when times get hard, they're there for you!!

And to my polyamorous selfshippers, all your partners love you so so much!! Your F/Os understand if you have IRL partners or if you just have multiple F/Os! They love you and their relationship with you, they don't mind their metamours and love how you can show your love for multiple partners freely!! They want you happy most of all! They love you and the way you love!!

Last but certainly not least, my fellow ficto selfshippers!! You're just as part of the community as anyone else, you have a place here and you're completely welcome! You're so valid in how you identify and your partners, even if fictional, love you so very much and wouldn't replace you for anything in the world!! You make them as happy as they make you!

Pride month for me is always a time where I feel very safe and seen, and I want nothing but the best for other selfshippers this month! Your F/Os all love and respect you! (Little bonus points if you have queer headcanons for your F/Os or if your F/Os are canonically queer, that's amazing and so cool!!) (And remember, if you encounter any bigots, they'll squish them flatter than a bug for you or support you as you tear into them. They absolutely don't tolerate any disrespect towards you)

Lastly I'll leave this off with thinking about some pride month prompts cause I think they're sweet. Are your F/Os more subtly or aggressively/outwardly supportive? Do they go all out or have more casual celebrations? Do you think they own any pins/buttons/outfits/flags for their queer identities or if they buy those for you? How do you think they'd be at a pride parade/other pride events? What would they do to celebrate pride month, whether queer themselves or as a supporter?

- S anon

.

[redtail-lol]

I wanted to make a veldian flag (or whatever term you want to use for it, I like veldian because it sounds good) to match my lesbian flag.

[Image ID 1: A 7 striped flag. Colors, in order, are: purple; light indigo; sky blue; turquoise; light green; pale lime-yellow. End ID.]

[Image ID 2: The same flag, with words over each stripe corresponding to their meaning. Purple is femininity and those tied to it. Light indigo is queer love of men. Sky blue is masculinity. Turquoise is gay history and diversity. Light green is gender nonconformity. Pale lime-yellow is nonbinary gays and nblm/mlnb love. End ID.]

[Image ID 3: The same flag as the first, but the bottom three colors are flipped so it starts with yellow.]

I am not a veldian so I made this in consultation with people who were. I don't wanna replace the current one, because I really like it, but I needed a matching one to my lesbian flag for a request. It does not have a name, but if any veldians like it, please submit any name ideas in the comments and I'll make a poll about what to name it.

Anyway. Stripe meanings, fully explained

1. Femininity and those tied to it: This was going to be the gnc stripe but I decided green fit that one better, and this better fit femininity. Feminine men are a very large part of the gay community, though this stripe represents more than just them! It also represents those who are trans and still feel connected to their AGAB, or those who are turigirls. It can also represent how men who like men are inherently perceived as feminine even if they aren't in any other way.

2. Queer love of men: No matter your gender, pretty much all veldians have a queer love of men. This stripe represents that love

3. Masculinity: Not all gay men are effeminate. Some of them are masculine, and masculinity in the gay community presents in many ways. Of course, masculinity doesn't only refer to presentation. It can also refer to gender alignment or connection.

4. Unity: Despite how wide and diverse the community is, and how many names it has, all of them are united as one large community and that's beautiful

5. Gay history and diversity: There is a rich history to gay men and the community of them, which deserves a place represented on the flag. The gay communities of the past and present are large and diverse, and have such a broad spectrum of people. All the ways you can be a veldian deserve to be represented because there are so many

6. Gender nonconformity: A large part of the gay community involves gender nonconformity. Even masculine veldians don't all conform to the idea of masculinity most straight people have (the image of a strong, muscle-y man.) And it's not just nonconformity for men; this stripe also represents the nonbinary gays who are feminine or masculine rather than androgynous.

7. Nonbinary gays and nblm/mlnb love: Nonbinary or elsegender people have grown to be a part of the veldian community, both in who can be veldian and who a veldian can love. While men who love men are at the center of this community, it's important to also remember the love between men and nonbinary folk.

This flag was made by an inclusionist. It stands in support of mspec veldians, gaybians/velaurians, turigirls, and others with contradictory labels. It also, of course, supports aro/ace/aroace veldians, trans veldians, and veldians of color. Anyone who identifies as a veldian, or with another name for the same label, may use this flag.

[tr3ns-d3ath-d3ity]

"LGBTQA+ is one of the most accepting communities, you're not being targeted by other queer people!! 😤​😡​"

Aight, time for the list of things related to my queer identity I've been yelled at for by other LGBTQA+ people (for context: I am an oriented aroace, trans, queer, and polyamorous dude):

・Being a trans man.

・Identifying as queer/calling myself queer.

・Saying that gay And mlm are two different things, just like wlw and lesbian are two different things

・Saying that trans women are women.

・Being attracted to men.

・Not being attracted to women and people on the genderqueer/nonbinary spectrum.

・Being oriented aroace.

・Not being monogamous.

・Talking about genuinely loving men.

・Being aspec and having npd (quote the girl who yelled at me for that: "your npd made you aroace, you're just to selfish to commit to genuine love lol.").

・Not being lesbian.

・Not being pan.

・Saying that I support mspec gays/lesbians because it’s not my place to judge other people’s identities just because I may not fully understand them.

・Saying mspec, the multi spectrum, or multiromantic/multisexual (to include ply, pan, omni, bi, neptunic, uranic, and every other pluralian sexuality) instead of just bi.

・Saying that nonbinary people can present themselves as masculine, androgynous, neutral, or feminine as they want, and still be nonbinary.

・Literally just. wearing green eyeshadow????? (quote the person who yelled at me for that: “t hat's a lesbian color, bro, you're literally appropriating lesbian culture by that.")

・Presenting masculine.

・Using he/him pronouns.

・Referring to the D-Slur as tThe D-Slur (y'all want me to say a slur I can't reclaim?????).

・Saying that the og polyamory flag (the blue-red-black one with the yellow pi symbol in the middle) looks neat.

・Not using any of the new polyamory flags because I prefer the blue-red-black + pi symbol one.

・Asking if there’s a word for nonbinary people who are exclusively/only attracted to other nonbinary people.

・Hating non-men who fetishize achillean relationships.

・Being specifically Half-Asian and queer.

・Writing books about exclusively queer men/non-women, mostly to cope with trauma stuff (apparently if your writing doesn't consist of a trillion sapphics, two gay fathers that get three seconds of screentime, and the occasionally non-human nonbinary person, it's automatically bad writing???? Okay damn. Sorry for focusing on my own experiences, I guess?).

・Not necessarily wanting to get married or have a romantic/sexual relationship.

・Shipping two characters in a queerplatonic way instead of a sexual/romantic one.

・Headcanoning a popular fandom character as aroace.

・Mentioning aroallo people.

・Saying that straight asexuals and straights aromantics are LGBTQA+ since that's what the A stands for.

・Not being T4T (I just wanna love men in peace fuck off with your "but cis men are horrible!! 🥺🤢😱 Limit yourself to trans men because I said so!! 😤🤬🤬"-Bullshit).

・Using someone’s neopronouns.

・Supporting xenogender people.

・Headcanoning a canonically lesbian character as trans female.

・Saying that I want more representation of achillean, aroace, trans, and asexual men in media.

・Asking asking someone who knew I used he/him pronouns to not refer to me with they/them (like, girlie, that’s called misgendering).

・Mentioning that women can be aroallo.

・Saying that people who don’t label their genders/sexualities can be LGBTQA+ too.

・Saying that two pan women I know in reallife dating each other aren’t lesbians because... they’re both pan?

・Mentioning that queer men should always be welcome in queer spaces.

・Saying that amab nonbinary folks can be lesbian.

・Wanting to go on T.

・Jokingly referring to my tiddies and my pussy as boys.

And last but not least,

・Saying "people", "y'all", "esteemed guests", or "everyone present" instead of "ladies and gentlemen".

I dunno, homie, I actually do feel a little targeted here.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I posted 129 times in 2022

That's 129 more posts than 2021!

37 posts created (29%)

92 posts reblogged (71%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@aroacesafeplaceforall

@aroaceconfessions

@tales-of-coffee-and-mint

@thefrogginbullfish

@im-green-salami

I tagged 60 of my posts in 2022

#aroace - 25 posts

#aromantic - 25 posts

#asks - 21 posts

#asexual - 20 posts

#aro - 17 posts

#ace - 15 posts

#lgbtqiia+ - 14 posts

#pride - 11 posts

#please - 11 posts

#aro pride - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 55 characters

#when they realised they were aroace i was not surprised

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I’ve heard some aphobic bs in my time, but I was wondering if it’s similar to any other aspec peoples experiences?

If any Aspec people see this, if you don’t mind, could you tell me what’s the most bs thing someone’s ever said to you? Thanks

17 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#4

Things I don't understand and would appreciate being explained to me

The big thing around soulmates and wether you believe or not

2. people who date without being friends first, like you like each other, straight away? like what if you're not similar? huh?

3. people thinking when someone is trans, that it means mtf or ftm and that they must be/going to be on hormone treatments.

19 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

#3

Quickly! Who can tell me what flag this is? 

For those of you who don’t know, this is the AroAce flag. Also refer to as the “Sunset flag” by some.  Colour meanings are:

Blue (both): Represent "the aroace identity as well as the spectrum of aroace identities and experiences"

White: Wholeness 

Yellow: “Love and relationships that exist outside of more conventional ideas of romantic and sexual relationships.”

Orange: Community

23 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

#2

The Aromantic spectrum (a short version)

(I’ll do a longer one later) (maybe) Obviously, no 2 people are the same, so it makes sense that translates to sexual and gender identity. You may not fit under any of these terms you may fit under a few or maybe you find the one that suits you best! Remember you are valid! <3 I’m always welcome to feedback! If you find that this description isn’t correct, for you or for the community as a whole, let me know! I’ll do another post further explaining it with your help!

This is a short list with explanations of different parts of the Aromantic spectrum.

Aegoromantic

Aegoromantic, (previously known as Autochorisromantic) describes those who enjoy the concept of romance but do not have a desire to participate in romantic activities. 

Aroflux

People who identify as aroflux may experience their romantic orientation as fluctuating between experiencing and not experiencing romantic attraction. 

I.e Some times Yes Romance, sometimes No romance.

Autoromantic

Autoromantic people may elicit romantic attraction from themselves, by themselves. (I’ve been leaning towards this slightly)

Cupioromantic

Cupioromantic describes those who do not experience attraction but do desire a romantic relationship. (Another one I lean towards)

Demiromantic

Demiromantic describes people who do not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone. (According to most definitions)

Desinoromantic

Desinoromantic people do not experience "full-on" romantic attraction, but do experience "liking" someone instead of loving them romantically. (This can be confusing, I’ll do more on this most likely)

Grayromantic

Grayromantic includes (but is not limited to) people who feel very low amounts of romantic attraction, rarely feel romantic attraction, only feel romantic attraction under specific circumstances, or are not sure if they experience romantic attraction. It is usually be considered a romantic equivalent to gray-asexuality. 

This is just a short list, there are many more terms and sexualitys to add. If you want one in particular, let me know! 

174 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Having trouble?

Are you having trouble figuring out if your asexual, Aromantic or both? Here are some signs to look for!

(You don’t have to have all or any of these signs to be ace, aro or aroace, these are just some hints to help, hell you don’t have to relate to any! Your always valid!)

Asexual

You may have little to no interest in sex or intimacy

You may find others attractive but not be attracted to them

You might enjoy platonic to slightly less platonic (kissing or more) but not want to go further

You may not being intrested in the whole “sexy” thing

Aromantic

You may not find the idea of romantic relationships appealing to you

You may have trouble relating to or understanding media and more about love.

You might have a physical attraction to people but you might not develop a crush on them

You may also present as not understanding why people behave they way they do when "in love" (This was a big on for me)

You might not find any or most romantic plots in books/movies/media interesting or needed (another big one for me)

488 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I feel so invisible. If we ever get seen, it’s not US getting seen, not all of us. It’s just aces. And I love them, they deserve acknowledgement and representation and love and more, but I’m aro. Just aro. Not allo, not ace, just aro. And all it does is get ignored. The only time I see something akin to me and my identity be talked about is through asexuality, through misconceptions and erasure. It feels like even if people are learning to care about asexuality, no one cares about aromanticism. No one bothers. I have never felt more invisible in my life. It’s just so depressing. We’re constantly ignored. I’m constantly ignored. And I’m so tired of it, man. I’d feel guilty over my jealousy of aces, but feel much too pathetically sad for anything else to really seep through. I’m just so tired. I can’t even make myself angry anymore. At most just bitter, and tired. So, so tired.

You're definitely right that aro people are often treated as an afterthought anywhere outside the aro community. And aces do get a lot more visibility/rep/attention, etc. And it's absolutely reasonable to be frustrated and angry. Aros who aren't ace, or who identify only as aro, especially deserve a lot more and get left behind a lot.

I do have some words that may give you hope though. So I've been identifying as aroace over a decade now. And it is ridiculous how much I've seen both communities grow. So back then when I was first questioning, the aro community was a blip inside the ace community (and I honestly think this is one of the reasons it took me so much longer to figure out I was aro). And the ace community was a few online communities in places like LJ and AVEN fighting for any bit of legitimacy or acceptance. Pride was a hostile place, nobody outside this community was likely to know what asexuality was or that it was even a possible thing. Your doctor was likely to react by assuming there was a medical issue that needed treated. The only rep anywhere was a character on Shorthand Street, a New Zealand soap opera.

Five years ago I started this blog, and the aro community was just starting to find its feet separate from the ace community. I remember when I started posting I could only find a couple of blogs for aros that weren't also for aces (and I looked), and one stopped posting just a few weeks into me finding them. Another posted very sporadically. There was definitely no rep except for the very rare aroace character (even now most mainstream ace characters are alloro).

Now the aro community, even just here on Tumblr, is very active and thriving. I'm seeing aro rep all the time, especially in books and podcasts. I'm reading a book series right now where a character is defined word-of-god only as being aro (Amos in the Expanse). Obviously the aro community still has a very long way to go. And aros are going to need to keep fighting. But I just continue to be amazed at how fast things are moving and how quickly we're gaining recognition (anyone else see the aro flag on Blues Clues in that Pride song they did at the beginning of the month?). Personally I'm really excited to see where this community is in another 5 years.

So yeah, be angry, because where things are now is not good enough. And aros deserve better. But keep fighting too, because I think good things are coming.

All the best!

[diaqueenunderthemountain]

for the ask game:

🏳️‍🌈 - Do you enjoy the colors of your preferred flag? Do you incorporate it into your outfits, decor, etc.?

🏳️‍⚧️ - What Flag do you think has the best color scheme?

🏳️‍🌈 - Do you enjoy the colors of your preferred flag? Do you incorporate it into your outfits, decor, etc.? YES!!!! (for the most part) 🥳

Purple is my absolute favorite color and I love the ace/ageo ace flag! It’s just … chef’s kiss … y’know?

I’m not quite as much of a fan of green, but I do love the aro/gray aro flag. It’s very calming to look at somehow.

I don’t frequently use the sunset aroace flag because I hate the color orange, but I can appreciate why other people like and/or use it. I have to be in a certain mood to enjoy it.

I generally use the term sapphic instead of lesbian beacuse I feel like its a little more inclusive of things that aren’t exclusively wlw, but I’m not a fan of the sapphic flag. Its pretty, but that shade of pink isn’t quite my aesthetic. As a general rule I like brighter/darker colors. Despite the fact that it has some orange I actually like the lesbian flag alright.

I don’t commonly use the oriented aroace flag, just because a lot of people don’t know it and it’s hard for me to put my labels into words, but I do like the flag. Blue is my second favorite color, and I particularly like teal.

I like the nonbinary flag a lot. Aesthetic wise its definitely my favorite flag after the ace flag. The colors are just so bold and bright and using it makes me feel very confident.

My feelings on the agender flag are very similar to those on the aro flag. Although, I do have to admit I don't like it quite as much because the green is lighter and there’s more gray.

I’ve never really had a reason to use the queerplatonic flag, but I do experience queerplatonic attraction and want a qpr. I think it has nice colors, but they’re too pastel for me.

I do like to incorporate the colors into my outfits, especially for the aro and ace flags. My best friend (and squish) is also aroace and its kind of an inside joke for us to find random things like clothes and decor that were unintentionally made in pride colors. I also have this super awesome twirly skirt that is literally the lesbian flag. (5 stripes pink on top and orange on bottom). I don’t have as much pride decor right now, but I would love to in the future.

🏳️‍⚧️ - What Flag do you think has the best color scheme?

This is a hard one … all the flags are so pretty … do I have to pick?? 🥺

These are my top ones

Non-binary: As stated above, I absolutely love this flag. The colors are so bright and happy and confident, and it just makes me feel all around great. I love purple, and yellow is pretty great too. 10/10

Pan: I actually used to think I was pan because I thought I felt the same attraction to everyone, turns out I did, but the attraction level was 0 and I turned out to be aroace. I was kind of sad to give up the flag though. Very pretty, bright colors, most of the same reasoning as the enby flag. I do love that its all color with no black and white, but I don’t like the thickness of 3 stripes as compared to 4+. 10/10

Toric: I don’t personally identify with this flag in any way, but I absolutely love the colors. My three favorites, purple, teal, and green all in one. I do wish it was less pastel, but it’s still amazing. 10/10

[getreadytosmash]

1. how long have you known you’re asexual? || 2. what ace-spec microlabels, if any, do you identify as? || 4. are you out as asexual irl? || 6. are you transgender or on the nonbinary spectrum? || 7. what’s your favorite asexual stereotype? || 9. cake or garlic bread? || 10. what made you realize that you were asexual? || 11. what’s your favorite part about being asexual? || 12. what’s your least favorite part about being asexual? || 18. what fictional characters do you headcanon as asexual?

@blind-mutant

ONE

Pretty early on luckily! I KNEW from age 10 that I just...find want sex, didn't want to have kids in anyway, but it wasn't until I was around 12-13 that I found a deviantart post about sexualities and different kinds of flags that it Clicked. This wasn't just me being any sort of late bloomer, this was a whole thing that other people felt too. The aromantism took a little longer to accept due to teenage angst but I'm glad I found the label I needed when I did.

TWO

I'd probably say...Grey ace?? Like, I DO get short crushes admittedly and I occasionally experience stuff, but I don't ever really wanna indulge in it or go on a date. I like simply being able to enjoy certain feelings rather then acting out on them and running a possible friendship. Also crushes are WHACK how the fuck do people deal with normal attraction so much, I felt like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time and we had been friends for years.

FOUR

Kinda...?? Admittedly its...hard to be out as ace? Not a lot of people know what it even is and when you try to tell them about it, it turns into disgust as you talk about not wanting to have sex or jokes about being a virgin forever. Usually I say I'm "not looking for anyone" and I'm more open about it online. If more people knew about aspec stuff and didn't make weird jokes about "waiting for the one" or staying innocent forever, I definitely would be more open about it.

SIX

Mm,,,not,,,really? At MOST I'd say a demigirl because I'm not THAT inclined about my gender or percievemnt. I'm fine with they/he being used with me and I usually present myself with "masculine" styles of dress every day. My body is a temple and boy is it run down and filled with rats.

SEVEN

Space. I've never really seen the associated things other sexualties have but I KNOW for a fact that aces have the best and coolest stuff. Space? Dragons? Cake? Garlic bread? Cards? Love that shit so much, I'd be ace just for the associations in another universe lmao.

NINE

Garlic breeeaaad! I WILL eat an entire loaf of it, don't test me. Snsnsn I mean I LIKE chocolate cake but finding an entirely JUST chocolate cake is hard to do, especially when I only like chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream. I'm a picky eater and it infuriates me and everyone who knows me.

TEN

Well, like I said in four, sitting in the sexual education program at school (which, was Not Good btw) and just seeing all that...Stuff, made me release that I just...wasn't into it??? Like, not at all. I just found the whole thing to feel...rather gross, and it was a thing I quickly realised not everyone else felt the same way about.

ELEVEN

Just...the community tbh. Its knowing that someone feels the same way as you do to a degree or knowing that the flash of purple in their flag means the same as it does for you and the fact that it's so varied is nice. No aspec person is the EXACT same - in spectrum or reasoning - and I find that so refreshing in how so many people can still have such a good community.

TWELVE

The jokes. I'm just,,,so sick of people being all Haha Always Gonna Stay Pure! Because??? What does that mean??? If I murder a dozen kids but refrain from having sex I'm still pure?? They're not as funny as you think they are. Also the general gatekeeping of "aces not being queer" as if being queer is something we can inherently dictate and manage, but u know.

EIGHTEEN

Skaar! Also Clint Barton, I HC Natasha and Tony as aro and aroace, I also see Toph from ATLA as ace aaand Steven from su! I probably have others but they're the top of my head rn

[scramblecat]

💜

OKAY SO there isn’t a number specified WHICH IS OK CAUSE ILL ANSWER ALL THE PURPLE ONES >:D

3. Do you own an asexual flag?

I do! I actually have two of them- one big flag that my stepsister got for herself and didn’t want anymore, and one of those little flags on plastic poles that my sister got at a pride event for me :D

6. Are you transgender or on the nonbinary spectrum?

Yes! I identify as nonbinary and go by she/they pronouns. I do not consider myself transgender, though, and I don’t know if I would fall under the label regardless!

9. Cake or garlic bread?

Oh man, both such good things that I love- I’m having to go with garlic bread though, because I could eat a lot more garlic bread at once than cake. But I do really really like chocolate cake haha

12. What’s your least favorite thing about being asexual?

Hmm…. I think it might be people’s perceptions of who we are as people. Most stereotypes I’ve seen by people who don’t fall under the asexual spectrum are things like ‘this person is way too innocent so obviously they’re asexual’ and ‘asexuals are people who can’t love’ (which is one that sometimes turns characters like, evil or to monsters and stuff). Obviously there are innocent asexuals, and obviously there are asexuals who just don’t find romance appealing, either, but this isn’t true for all of us!

15. If you could tell allosexual people one thing, what would it be?

This is also a difficult one! Maybe something like- understand that not wanting sex doesn’t equal not wanting love! Many many asexuals still experience romantic attraction, even if they don’t experience the sexual part. I think it’s risky telling people that I’m asexual (when I’m face to face, at least, online is a lot better) because they might make this assumption- and I don’t want that to happen! I would still want to cuddle with someone, even if I’m not sexually attracted to/don’t want to have sex with them!

Obviously, though, I still love and respect very much all the aroaces among our ranks, y’all are so cool and ilysm (/p)

18. What fictional characters do you headcanon as asexual?

This is a fun question >:D

Sasha Rackett from Rusty Quill Gaming. I’m only about 2/5ths of the way through the podcast, so I have no idea if she has a canon confirmed sexuality, but oh boy I headcanon her as ace.

I even have a few scenes that back it up!

There’s a scene where she does seem to fall in love with someone for a brief moment- but it isn’t by how he looks or anything like that, it’s by the skills he has in acrobatics. As a rogue, she admired the way he jumped rather than his physical appeal, and I thought that was AMAZING.

There’s another scene where one or two player characters make comments on how an npc’s butt is cute, while Sasha is just kind of standing there like ‘haha yeah I guess???’ and I felt that on a spiritual level.

And I do recall there being one more but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was lmao

Though Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives is canon confirmed to be asexual (can you tell I can’t and won’t ever get over this), I still headcanon him specifically as a sex-repulsed or sex-averse asexual (projecting? naaah). In this headcanon in particular I think he would get uncomfortable with detailed mentions of things related to yknow. Sex. And probably would also prefer not to read or watch sex scenes (skips em like I do!).

So yeah! That’s it! Cj, thank you so so much for asking me these, I had a lot of fun answering em and I hope you’re satisfied with the answers I gave!

[withthestarsunited]

meet my skykid ocs i guess

my ao3 is sunshine__y

keep reading so people don’t hate me (cause this is probably gonna be long)

Starla:

-she/her they/them

-don’t call them a girl

-who this blog is named after (duh)

-named after a she-ra character

-my first and favourite oc

-actual sunshine personified

-tries to see the best in everything and everyone

-values all life and refuses to knock over the crabs. gets attacked by them a lot as a result

-would try to befriend a krill (read: has tried to, has failed, and has paid the price)

-would stop and wait for you to tie your shoelaces

-can be naive, and often ignores danger/red flags

-a hiiii girly person, probably makes friendship bracelets

-doesn’t identify themself beyond “queer”

-finished the valley constellation. almost done the wasteland

-i’m gonna say they were “born” in season of belonging (cause i like the cosmetics) but that is subject to change

-whale call

Sukie:

-uses all pronouns, but she/her the most

-Starla’s best friend or possible love interest i haven’t decided yet

-named after suki from atla but with an e to be cool and quirky

-voice of reason

-lowkey TERRIFIED of krill 

-she has to hold starla’s hand whenever they’re in the wasteland for the above reason

-she’s like really smart tho

-probably dreams of being a historian or smth in the vault

-tries to stop everyone else from doing dumb things

-can be a lil stifling? like she doesn’t want to do anything risky or let any of their friends do risky things cause she’s Scared they’ll get hurt.

-demi pansexual

-has finished the forest constellation. almost done the vault

-was “born” in season of rhythm

-cosmic manta call

Lolo

-they/them

-wishes they had a sword

-comes up with the bad ideas

-encourages Starla’s krill befriending ideas

-the main cause of Sukie’s stress

-u know that cat meme where one person is like “stinky. bastard bad cat.” and the other is “NOOOO BABIE!!”? that’s their and Starla’s relationship

-bullies the crabs while Starla is in distress

-probably the best at flying

-does not think about consequences, ever.

-smacks people to show affection.

-aroace legend

-surprisingly functional at like. finishing constellations. they’re the only one who’s bothered to finish more than two constellations. (wasteland, isle, and prairie for your information)

-was “born” in season of belonging like two days after Starla.

-whale call

Cayo or Cade

-uses both names interchangeably (did i spell that right)

-he/him or they/them

-super chill

-doesn’t do any weird shit with the krill or the crabs they just avoid them like a NORMAL PERSON

-deadpan sarcasm is their sense of humour

-probably takes selfies while everyone else is fighting

-literally just here for fun 

-doesn’t talk a lot verbally but uses like. gestures.

-Please let him Sleep

-can be snippy and cold 

-trying their best

-probably bi but he has more important things to do than figure out their sexuality

-has finished valley and vault constellations

-was “born” in season of lightseekers but towards the end.

-crab call

[dwindlingashesburnt]

This is for Nonbinary November, I'll reblog this post with a link to the person who came up with this ask game and with a link to the blog I mention in a later question

1) Which labels do you use? I use nonbinary, trans, agender. I also use aroace but that's not really relevant to this month!

2) What are your pronouns? Honestly who knows. I use they/them, I MAY be interested in xe/xem but I don't know yet because I haven't been able to convince anyone to use those pronouns for me when I'm fine with they/them - it's possible the first time I heard someone refer to me as "xe" I'd realise I hate it. Or, realise I love it. Anyway rn I use they/them

3) How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? 15 or 16? I think 16

4) What's one thing you'd like to tell your younger self? hey I know you don't think you like yourself rn but I promise that's not true, you're okay, and when you figure out the real reason you're uncomfortable everything will make so much more sense. You'll be okay, there's nothing wrong with the situation or with you

5) is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? Okay. As an agender person I would be part of the party benefiting from this I guess, but a lot of people seem to assume that there's only three genders: male, female, and agender. And that nonbinary is just a synonym for agender. This is obviously incorrect and even though I'm kind of mildly, guiltily glad that I'm not among the nonbinary people omitted by this assumption, it still pisses me off immensely because it's so dumb and it's just further bigotry and bullshit. Luckily this is one myth that seems to be almost entirely due to lack of knowledge rather than actual malicious intent!

6) is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? Nope, celebrities don't exist as far as I'm concerned.

7) if you're out, how did you come out? I'm out to my friends - I came out via a rambling, thinking aloud monologue to one friend then to all of them in a more coherent but still rambling announcement during a chat. I am also out to two of my family members but I honest to goodness can't remember how I came out - I do remember one hysterical conversation with my dad in which I was irrationally convinced he wouldn't love me anymore if I changed my name; I hope to fuck that's not how I came out to my dad and brother

8) is there a gender-related pun you like? Nah. I like all the misplaced my gender and traded my gender for x jokes though

9) Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? Nope! Most of my friends are cis, a minority are binary trans people. I wish I had fellow enby friends

10) Do you have a favourite lgbt+ character? Are we talking canon or fanon? I love Crowley and Aziraphale because we can dump a whole lot of lgbt+ stuff on them: aro and or ace, gay, bi/pan, male, trans, nonbinary/genderweird....I also like some takes on nonbinary Beezlebub, but only some. Specifically the ones where they're not particularly evil/malicious but are most definitely a dick, because that feels very humanizing somehow which is nice.

11) Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+...which one do you tend to use? The last one, though if I'm tired and I've already used that once in convo I'll use lgbt after because it's less effort to say/type and they know what I mean

12) how do you explain the term "nonbinary" to people who have no idea what it means? Badly! With a lot of "um" and "uh" and eventually saying "well it's when you're not 100% male OR 100% female only"

13) Tell us a fun fact about yourself! (Gender-related or random) I used to be able to understand French and German pretty well but lost this a few years after leaving primary school

14) How did you find your name? I found my name several years before I even realised I was nonbinary. I was using a baby names website to look at potential names for a story I wanted to write, and was looking at unisex names "because it's more convenient cos then I don't need to change it if the character's a girl or a boy". Sure mate, sure, whatever you need to tell yourself

15) If you're in a relationship...? N/A

16) Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other, something else? I like all of those? SO is a bit long to say though and datemate feels very playful, I think I'd say that to tease my partner if I had one but not seriously. So. Partner

17) A piece of advice for questioning kids? If you're really stuck, start in very broad categories and look at what you're NOT, then gradually close in on what you are. Like, do you identify as male? Do you identify as female? Work from there in more detail eg if your answer to female is "no" and male is "wobbly hand gesture" then you can either say hey, good enough, or start looking at smaller labels and stuff

18) Which flag(s) do you use? To be honest I mostly just use the aro flag, on the basis that being ace doesn't feel that big a part of my identity, being agender feels like too much of a given to celebrate/take pride in, but the aromantic flag is very pretty

19) Any tips for bad days? Take care of yourself, fall back on your support network, see if there's any small thing you can do that will help boost your confidence

20) Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? Not sure if it counts but I love the corvidwritingprompts blog because the prompts are inspiring and hilarious, and I love the normalisation of neopronouns and nonbinary people

21) Feminine, masculine, androgynous...or none of those things? I'm comfortable with long-ish hair but tend to aim at more masculine-androgynous clothing to try and balance out any chance of people happily assuming I'm a woman. I love button-ups

22) What are your three favourite things about yourself? I have very nice, straight shoulder length hair which I love because it's pretty, I personally think it's pretty androgynous, and I don't really have to do anything to make it look good. I like that I'm a person who likes making things and doing things to show people I like them. I like that I'm a pretty fucking average height, it's much nicer than when I was tallest in my year, and I am also generally happy with my height it's good

[ayy-spec]

Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

·  to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me  (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

·  :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

·  i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way. 

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

[saltyaro]

topsydead a réagi à votre billet “Arophobia and the ace community: a few bullet points”

I'm alloace. I haven't seen this behavior in other alloaces but it is concerning and I accept the call to action. It's clear that people don't understand the SAM and don't acknowledge aros. What can I do to help?

You probably don’t realize you see it because you’re not the...target? of arophobia, but I would be very surprised if you’ve actually never encountered it! Maybe you’re really lucky.

I’m glad you’re willing to challenge this habit, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you concrete advice. I’ll try though.

From my point of view, because ace people are oppressed under our society’s assumption that everyone feels sexual attraction, and are often seen as subhuman because of that, there’s this kinda desperate desire to be seen as still valuable “despite” the lack of sexual attraction. As a result, alloaces kinda rely on their romantic attraction to gain “approval” from other people and society. That’s because romance is seen as the most important thing in people’s lives, so, from an ace’s point of view, it makes sense to...double efforts, to “make up” for the lack of sexual attraction? I think it’s important to first realize “why” amatonormativity and arophobia are so rampant within alloace’s communities. Of course, that it’s something understandable, doesn’t mean it should stay that way. That’s my hypothesis on the matter: not necessarily that the alloaces’ arophobia is stronger than in the general population but rather, that the emphasis on romance and amatonormativity is pushed more obviously. If that makes sense. So, the arophobia is extremely visibly and harmful to us (especially because of our shared spaces).

So yeah that’s the way I do things, I try to understand the systems behind things. This is the first step, now what to do?

I’d say, try to train yourself to recognize the assumptions of romance. Try to do a parallel with the sexual assumptions, the systems are very similar. Not going to lie, this is gonna be difficult, because amatonormativity is very strongly ingrained in us, to the point where we perpetuate it without ill intent. It’s pretty sneaky. For an example, you can take the sentences like “we can still love!” as part of this shit. The concept of soulmates, is another instance (yes, even when people try to argue soulmates can be platonic, doesn’t change anything). Or, the constant invisibilization of aroaces/using them as tokens. Everyone’s different, but as a general way of thinking, it’s pretty disrespectful to assume aroaces prioritize their ace identity and will relate to alloace posts. Idk, I’m not ace (i used to identify as aroace though) so it may not be my place, but back when I was in the ace community, everything just seemed so...focused on being in a romantic relationship while ace. It’s not bad to have these resources, they’re needed, but if your blog/activism focuses on that, then it’s not “ace activism” but “alloace activism”. Nothing wrong with that, just, don’t pretend any ace can relate. Aroaces can’t, and I’m sure a lot of non-Sam aces can’t either. Basically, does the post (or anything of the sort) assume “ace” means “alloace”? If yes, then it’s alienating. 

Those behaviours are also harmful to non-ace aros, of course. Because we’re sibling-communities, and (allo?)aces have more visibility than us. If someone places romance over any other kind of relationship, this is amatonormative. Beware of that, don’t ignore it. Obviously no one can be on edge 24/24 but it would be nice to have some alloaces challenge those thoughts!

Basically, before you can do anything, I think it would be useful to read through some aro blogs! There’s mine of course, but I’m a non-sam aro so it could be cool to also read from aroaces and alloaros. We all have different experiences with the ace community. 

Challenging those thoughts takes a lot of work. Stop putting romance on a pedestal, challenge any relationship hierarchy that pretends to be universal - it’s fine if it’s personal I guess but not if it’s supposed to be the norm - and challenge the very idea that what makes us humans is love. Regardless of the type of love I’d say. 

As another example, when you have an ace character in some kind of media with no explicit romanticism...don’t assume they’re alloace. If you know the content the character it’s from, read critically. Maybe there’s no answer but there often is. I’m thinking Jughead, who’s either non-sam ace or aroace, but without romantic feelings anyway. When shitterdale straightwashed him a lot of people were like “he can still be ace! We can still love!” when...yeah, but he’s supposed to be aro to. The “ace” part wasn’t what we were worried about. Same thing happened with (I think, don’t take my word on that) Raphael from Sh/adow hunte/rs, and again, the alloace community rejoincing for the ace rep. How shitty is it to rejoice over the erasure of an aro character? This second example wasn’t great rep from the start apparently, but yeah. Still an asshole move. I also think it’s important to be critical of how all ace rep either is, or is washed to be, alloace rep. Alloace rep is cool and important, but not at the expense of aroaces. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that aro characters aren’t made to be alloaros so there’s definitely a double standard. Bo/jack for an example, “became” alloace when a lot of aroaces related to him at first. That’s what he was coded as but the ace community pushed against it and the creator decided to make him allo (probably in good faith!). 

So yeah, maybe try to react when alloaces get angry when people draw pride art and. Draw the ace flag as a single person, because again “ace” doesn’t mean “alloace”. The “ace” community is shared by allo aces, non-sam aces, and aroaces. 

Please be aware if you see di/s/k h/orse things, when ex/clusio/nism is discussed, of the aromantic erasure that always happens. Even when the ex/cl/u mentions aros, the inc/lu’s answer systematically ignores that part. There was this survey last year, on this topic, and it was shown that people who include aces do not necessarily include aros. Of course, I didn’t see any alloace mention that, even though they showed the results to be all “see everyone/most people think(s) we belong!”. Without mentioning that very important and very telling aspect. I would have loved it if an alloace had mentioned it, and had tried to open a discussion about it! But I didn’t see it happen. I know this is a very specific example, but basically, I think what would be nice, would be for some alloaces to stick for us aros whenever something like that happens. I’m not saying to actively look for such things, but if you follow ace blogs, you’re going to see it happen. 

Oh and also, I don’t know what’s your stance on this, so I’m going to write it just in case but. “Aspec” means aro + ace. It comprehends everyone: non-sam aro, non-sam aces, aroaces, allo aros, and allo aces. It’s not the same as “acespec”! It’s really erasing us aros whenever someone uses “aspec” to mean “acespec”, it’s alienating us from our own community. There’s the aro community, the ace community for our specific, different needs, but the aspec community is supposed to be our shared community so. Definitely “call out” (by that I mean comment on) people who do that! They may not have bad intents but the result is still here, and it’s just. Spreading everyday, and pushing aros further under the bus.

So yeah all it boils down to is, try and comment/reblog posts that antagonize us? Within the limits of your energy and mental health of course. And maybe try to spread knowledge about what amatonormativity is (I have a tag but you can also google it, there’s an easy to find definition), why it’s harmful, and how it operated, within the ace community. As an alloace, maybe you’ll get more attention than aros (whether we’re also ace or not, people don’t listen to us). I personally think it would benefit everyone (including alloaces) to get rid of amatonormativity but for now, pointing it out - whether for yourself or in a more public manner - should be a good beginning. 

I...hope this answers your question? 

[famous-aces]

Joan of Arc

Who: Jehanne Darc (often modernized as Jeanne d'Arc) (Joan of Arc is the Anglicization of her name)

What: Soldier and Saint

Where: French, active in France

When: c. 1412 - May 30, 1431

(Image Description: an engraving of Joan of Arc from 1903 by Peruvian artist Albert Lynch. It was featured in Figaro Illustre. It looks more like a painting than an engraving. It shows Joan in the center. In the background is Notre Dame. In the mid and foreground is a field of white flowers. Joan is front and center from the thighs up. She is in full plate mail but without the helmet or gloves. The armor has gold accents. She has pale skin and a round face. Her hair is black and cut into a bob with high bangs. One hand holds a flag and one hand rests on the hilt of a huge sword. She looks stoically and proudly out at the viewer. End ID.)

Joan of Arc is more legend than woman at this point, but she was very real. She is in part responsible for turning the tide of the Hundred Years War in France's favor. Now she is both French cultural heroine and canonized Catholic saint. Joan is an icon and inspiration and to millions be they French, Christian, woman, queer, or all of the above.

Joan's story is fairly well known. She was an illiterate peasant girl who, when she was 13, was visited by the visions of several saints. From that point forward she claimed to have been following God's instructions.  At the time, France and England were still locked in the heat of the Hundred Years War (1337-1453) and the English occupied swaths of France. Eventually God told Joan to topple the English occupation and save France. She convinced the Dauphin to give her command over troops and dressed in men's armor Joan lead French victory after victory.

Although there were understandably doubts about what this untrained teenager could actually do she was able to convince naysayers quickly.  She won first success at the Siege of Orléans. After the city was sieged for more than six months, Joan was able to turn away the English in only nine days.  She was involved in more than a half dozen battles, many victories, between 1429 and 1431. These included the French success at the Battle of Patay and the March to Reims. During the latter she helped siege and reclaim several French cities and ensured the coronation of King Charles VII, at which she was in attendance.

She continued her campaign despite being injured in the Siege of Paris and was ultimately captured during the Siege of Compiègne. Her troops were outnumbered and her attempted surprise attack was rebuffed by English reinforcements, at which point she was overwhelmed and pulled from her horse.

She was captured, tried for witchcraft (although crossdressing was listed among her crimes/charges), and ultimately, horrifically, burned at the stake. Because she was so well loved the English made sure her body was very publicly destroyed both to avoid rumors of her escape and to make sure no relics could be made from her remains (as was very common for holy people at the time). Although English propaganda and court proceedings claimed Joan was a witch who spoke not to God and saints but to the Devil, her executioner still "greatly feared to be damned.". She was only 19 at the time of her death.

Joan has become a larger-than-life figure.  Her story has been told and retold countless times over the centuries.  Movies, books, plays, operas, songs, pieces of visual art. Nearly every medium that exists has depicted Joan of Arc in some capacity. For example, the first celluloid movie camera was invented in 1895, the first filmed depiction of Joan of Arc was made in only 1898.  Mark Twain was very proud of his oft forgotten novel Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc. Voltaire wrote the poem "La Pucelle d’Orléans" (link goes to English translation) and there was a dramatic rebuttal by Die Jungfrau von Orleans (German) by Friedrich Schiller. Tchaikovsky wrote an opera The Maid of Orléans. George Bernard Shaw's Saint Joan is perhaps his magnum opus.  Robert Southey and Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote the epic "Joan of Arc". She is included in Shakespeare's Henry VI Part 1. The likes of Peter Paul Rubins, Paul Gauguin, John Everett Millais, Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, among others have rendered Joan. She has been used for awards and propaganda.

Joan of Arc even impacted real life fashion, the Bob hairstyle's inventor based the now iconic look off Joan's haircut. It makes sense since the Bob was originally associated with the rebellious women of the 1920s. In 1920 she was canonized and is now the patron saint of France, soldiers, women in the WAVES and WAC, prisoners, among many others.

There is now speculation that Joan of Arc may have been mentally ill or had epilepsy.

(Image Description: a drawing of Joan of Arc by Clément de Fauquembergue found in the margins of a parliamentary document from 1429. That makes this the earliest drawing of Joan we have. It is a brown ink drawing, slightly crude, very simple, of a woman drawn in profile.  It ends just below her midsection. She wears a dress and carries as sword in one hand and a banner in the other. She is scowling. Oddly she does not have the short haircut that would become her trademark look, then again I have no idea how true/untrue to life this is. End ID)

Probable Orientation: Aroace (and obviously GNC. Crossdressing was one of the many crimes for which the English tried her.)

This is already a very long entry because of Joan of Arc's extensive legacy but it is going to get even longer, because I mentioned in Mary Eliza Mahoney's entry that there was another figure I was struggling with in my speculation, here she is. My biggest issue here was more moral than anything else.

Joan was only 19 when she died, that is hardly a full life to determine what her sexual orientation was. I do not object to a teenager self-identifying as any gender/sexual orientation, but it is quite another matter to impose one on them, especially when they died before being able to live a full life.

I thought a lot about the discourse presently surrounding Anne Frank. On my personal blog I have made my opinion abundantly clear (she is not your Bicon, she is a victim of a horrific genocide). So why is Joan different to me? I did some deep soul searching on this. So before going into my evidence as to why Joan of Arc may have been aroace.

The circumstances of their deaths are different. Anne was killed because of her ethnoreligious background in a campaign to wipe out the Jewish people. Joan was brutally killed for her gender and wearing men's clothing as much as she was for being an enemy general.  Indeed, she would not have been burned alive had she been a young man doing exactly what Joan did and not a young woman. But her death is not representative of a larger narrative. There were no other Joans of Arc.

Yes, she is now a Catholic Saint, but unlike Anne Frank Joan was not killed for being Catholic and was killed by other Catholics. Also I should add Judaism is much larger than just a religion. It is an ethnicity as well. Joan was the same ethnicity (if not the same nationality) as her captors.

Anne was also a 20th century girl and 15 when she met her horrible demise. Joan's era and age are something I will expand on.

And importantly I am not the first person to ascribe queerness to Joan's story. She has been a queer figure for the better part of a century by now. Some scholars argue she was a lesbian*. Others say she was nonbinary**. Joan has long been important to the queer community, but that wouldn't necessarily make me right for adding to the debate.

But for Joan of Arc queerness is baked right in to the narrative. She wore men's clothing and broke gender norms, actions so taboo they were part of what cost her her life.  Whether or not this crossdressing had anything to do with her gender or sexual orientation or just done for ease in battle is a subject of debate and boy howdy there is a lot of it. Plus, the actual act of going to war as a woman was an act of gender nonconformity.

Anyway now I am going to tell you why I believe Joan of Arc was an aroace, because it is another piece of the queerness of her narrative that she touted.

Here is one of the most important pieces of evidence to me, her name. Joan's birth name was Jehanne Darc (or a similar spelling), that was her father's surname and it was technically hers. In life she didn't use it. She called herself Jehanne la Pucelle (Joan the Maid) as in Joan the Virgin. That was the name she rallied her troops under. That was how her (dictated) letters were often signed. I have seen the argument made that she was asserting her purity, but it also would remind her troops of her age. Just like today "virgin" held a connotation of childishness. You were not married and inexperienced. Why would a military general want to point out how young she was? She had another name, she could have just been Jehanne Darc. It also told everyone she was a woman, including the enemy, who might use that against her. If she wanted to go with a nickname based on piousness it did not have to be "la Pucelle". There are many that did not imply either gender or age.

Her age is also important. Much like Wang Zhenyi she opted to break convention and do something else when it came time to get married. She was at war at the time when she should have been getting married, French women were generally married between 18 and 25. Her chasteness was noted in that she was only interested in carrying out God's Will. Nothing kept her on the battlefield except her dedication to her cause. She could have retired at any point. Indeed in September of 1429 she was badly injured by a crossbow bolt to the thigh, she had to be dragged from the battlefield and it was only by the king's orders that she did not return to it. She had a mission and marriage did not seem to factor into it. And that, being of marriageable age and not seeking it, would be odd even given her religiousness.

(Image Description: a 1504 painting of Joan on horseback. It is a bright painting on parchment. She is wearing shining armor with a yellow feather in her helmet. She carries a red banner. The horse is white with red and gold accoutrements and is prancing. There are fields and a castle behind her. Joan looks calm. End ID)

The argument could be made that it is impossible to untangle Joan's chastity from her religiousness. But I would argue that there is a way to tell and a way that hers is unique from that of other saints.

Within Catholicism chastity is about sacrifice and self-denial, by being sexless you are giving something up. That is why you will often see saints who are hermits, giving up sex along with everything else. Even saints who die as virgin martyrs (i.e. dying defending their virginity) are generally fending off rape or a marriage that would come between them and God. Unless they are willingly giving themselves up to God Himself chasteness is not supposed to last. Indeed, you are supposed to go forth and multiply and all that.

Officially in Catholic doctrine asexuality does not exist because sexual attraction (to the "opposite sex") is one of God's Gifts.  It is impossible to not feel sexual attraction and be human in their eyes. As per an FAQ on religious life "Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity.". Or even more sinisterly as put by former Priest*** and Ugandan Ethics Minister Simon Lokodo when he said he approved of heterosexual child rape more than consentual gay sex "it is men raping girls. Which is natural" the implication being that hetero sex is the only "natural" thing, because even denial is unacceptable. Yes, Lokodo is an extreme example, but it reflects a mindset about heterosexual sex.

Chastity is only venerated in Christianity insofar as you are giving something up for God.  The Christian faith has engineered the acceptable circumstances for sex and you are expected to have it and want it within those circumstances. Joan's maidenhood is traditionally viewed much the same way a nun's is, that she was driven by her love of God and her desire to fulfill His instructions and thus neglected her own desires. It is unthinkable that maybe she just didn't care, that she would rather be a warrior than a wife. She would be far less beloved if that was the widely agreed on conclusion, I assure you.

(Image description: Jeanne D'Arc (1874) a gilded bronze statue by Emmanuel Frémiet now at the Place des Pyramides, Paris.  Commissioned by Napoleon III and standing 13 feet tall. It shows a triumphant Joan of Arc on horseback with her banner held high. Both she and her horse wear armor. End ID)

*The argument for this is actually pretty weak. The one thing I have seen used as evidence of her being definitively a lesbian is that she shared her bed with women. But this was the 15th century, bedsharing was extremely common, there weren't many beds to go around, whole peasant families might share a bed. Yes, it could mean something, but Occam's Razor, in an era when nonsexual bedsharing was common this is not proof this is was for sexual reasons, there is no reason Joan would be an exception. Without any other evidence she was a lesbian this is not enough to prove she was attracted to women.  I am not saying it isn't possible, I am just saying that is not enough to go on.

**In her being GNC. Again, a possibility, but not definitive. Of course this stuff rarely is.

***He was removed from the priesthood when he entered politics as it is against Vatican law to hold both positions, it had nothing to do with his horrific stance on Queer Rights.

(Image Description: Jeanne d'Arc écoutant ses voix by Léon François Bénouville [done before 1859]. It is a painting that shows Joan when she first was visited by Saints/Angels. It shows Joan in layered but undecorated clothing. She is clutching what appears to be part of a loom or other wool working equipment in one hand. The other holds her wrist. She is white and pale and barefoot. Her hair is dark and partially pinned back, starting to come free. She has a round face and looks shocked, her doll like mouth agape in a gasp and her light eyes wide. She is seated on a rock with a field behind her, dotted with sheep and a horse. Far beyond her in the distance is a burning city. In the air around her in an immense sky are the flying and translucent forms of angels. They have their mouths open, calling to her. One offers her a sword another carries a flag/banner. End ID.)

Quotes:

"Jehanne la Pucelle"

-How Joan signed her dictated letters and referred to herself, "Joan the Maid".

"Alas! that my body, clean and whole, never been corrupted, today must be consumed and burnt to ashes!"

-Joan of Arc after being condemned to death, quoted by Jean Toutmouille

(Image Description: a still from La Passion de Jeanne d'Arc (The Passion of Joan of Arc) a silent film from 1928. It is widely regarded as a masterpiece and a landmark of early cinema. Renée Jeanne Falconetti (Joan) is still hailed for her performance. In this image we see Joan kneeling in front of the stake. She is wearing a wool robe and clutching a cross. The anguish on her face is indescribable. Behind her is an armed guard.  End ID)