#like you can grasp the basics
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just finished arcane and I’m sitting here like… what?
….
what?
#that was so random LMAOOOOO#it lost the plot like what is going awnnn#it’s hard to even piece it together properly#to understand what it’s going for fully#like you can grasp the basics#but the plot lines don’t meld together properly#so it’s like four shows with different throughlines crammed into one#this is just like game of thrones omfg#the only one who has a coherent resolution is viktor imo#that made sense to me but it’s so isolated from everything else#also don’t think I can’t smell anti-communist propaganda from a mile away#they rlly said commie viktor needs to be STOPPED 😔👊👊#this show was so clearly written by americans that’s so funny#anyway I’ll post more detailed thoughts later I’m still processing#arcane#arcane critical#ghost speaks
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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On Isolde and Many Doors (and One Key)
Thinking about Isolde and how she feels like she is constantly trapped in a small cramped room full of 1 million doors. Each door represents a presence that haunts her, an identity that lives inside her that calls to her from beyond the grave, a new mask to dawn.
If every person in the world were to have a room, most would have just one door, their own. But not Isolde.
Isolde feels like an empty vessel who is only there to serve as a point of entry for other people and their spirits. She has been forced to become so repressed by her environment, upbringing, and her nature as a medium that she finds it easy to forget herself. Her “self” is not someone she has ever been allowed to know.
The room grows increasingly smaller, claustrophobic and strangling her with pressure as the amount of doorways in it only increase, every new person she meets a new doorway she is plagued with, a new voyeur who has granted themselves full access to her life and her body. Something she is now willing to let them do. It is easier that way. Easier to let someone else command her vessel, something that never solely belonged to her to begin with. An escape from all the pressure, the expectations, the perfection demanded from her. It is something she should do. The duty of someone like her. Something to hide her wretched face from view, to give the people what they want, to uphold her family’s legacy. A performance that was never allowed to end. Each new door lead right back to that.
The only exception is Kakania. The only person Isolde believes has ever really seen her as more than a host for other identities or something to mold into shape, prop up as a set piece. A perfect lady. The star of Vienna. A tragic heroine. A dangerous hysteric witch. A curse manifested. The only one who was ever interested in finding Isolde’s door and that door alone. When she is with Kakania, a new door does not appear in that ever shrinking empty room, although at first she expects it to. For the first time she meets someone and is not greeted with a new ghost to haunt her. Not a door. But a key. A key that Isolde knows can unlock her own door, even when she herself cannot find it.
#reverse1999#reverse 1999#r1999#kakania#reverse 1999 kakania#isolde#reverse 1999 isolde#e lucevan le stelle#isolde x kakania#Can u tell I’m insane about them#also can you believe this interpretation isn’t even me being shipper-brained it’s like. a pretty direct interpretation of the canon text#It’s based basically 1:1 off of Isolde’s side story#like their dynamic already was destroying me but the side story made them maybe my favorite pair in the entire game#the shit they have going on is too tragic and beautiful and all consuming for me to not be obsessed w them#also if u had issues sympathizing or understanding Isolde during chapter 6 I highly recommend reading the side story#I felt like I didn’t rlly grasp her character fully in the main plot but this side story??#but after reading her side story … 💔💔 she feels so real to me#anyway. Enough yapping out of me.#I don’t think literally anyone is going to read this huge block of text I’m forcing upon u all but like.#Whatever I wrote it mostly for me anyway.#bc if I didn’t it would’ve continued to fester in my brain
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Hey friendly reminder that there're more Batfamily members than Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian :)
#idk if you heard of this but there are women#ik hard concept to grasp#theres also people who aren't just basic white men!!!#crazyyyyyyyyy#(yes im aware of damain and dick but also duke & cass#hm???#yeah#so maybe can you please include this Amazing characters into your silly fanfiction and fanart#because they have a lot of potential#and also like Damian and cass's backstorys are much more tragic than jasons#be for real#ALSO HUNTRESS#like#cmonnnnnm#duke thomas#cassandra cain#stephine brown#luke fox#kate kane#helena bertinelli#barabra gordon#terry mcginnis#ALSO STOP TAKING HELENAS STORY AND CHARACTER AND GIVING IT TO FUCKING JASON#SHE WAS FIRST#AND DID IT BETTER!!!
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i really like the dichotomy of everyone respecting Nana as their friend off stage (and the darker feeling she has that they All take from her in one way or another except Karen) but inside the stage duels as performers with her as their ultimate test, they're all still prideful enough to treat it as every man's glory for themselves, making it so they can't hold a grudge against Nana outside the Revues because to everyone the Revues are Just Business and a space for words that don't belong outside it- which plays into the repression that's hurting all their relationships, they really thought of everything making this series
#Day 8 post revstar movie i can hear colors and see sounds#This is why they don't blow up at her over the Revue of Annihilation to me btw bc Stage Nana is for the Stage like them#What happens on the stage gets resolved on the stage and only the aftermaths are taken back to reality#So Nana humiliating all of them was seen as part of the tests they all accepted to grow in the other Revues there's no grudge needed#All goes back to the thematic question of being on an off a stage#Holding things in by avoiding them vs the courage to be honest and independent#basically everyone loves Nana but when it's time to be a performer/personal glory it's just business they put that friendship aside#bc it's time to compete and when you compete 1v1 there's no such thing as friends in that moment- they can be friends again#and put the stage behind them when they're off it not when they're on it nothing personal- what happens in vegas stays in vegas type shit#revue starlight#Also Nana being the only one dressed in white for death & w two sword musashi style she's their literal metaphorical angel of death#Who needed to be invincible and 'kill' them in RoA so they could pick themselves up#Deadass she's not a villain she's just as unstable as the rest of them but she's got a grasp of how reality & self determination work#That the others had to learn in the movie until they're all free and living better for themselves by the end throwing away their jackets
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Pictures and things
#photo diary#image 1 - pretty sky!.. so many sky photos as always#2 & 3 - baby son keeping me company during one of my Sickness days where I kind of just sit on the floor in a blanket#for hours slowly sipping pedialyte and having applesauce and such lol#He likes to bite the squeezy apple sauce pouches.. and try to steal the heating pad#4. Sky again. lighter more scattered fluffy clouds.#5 - greeting card that I drew at someone's request so they could send it to their elderly family member lol.. It's like.. cats baking#in a kitchen I guess? My eternal curse.. being the number one lover of cats in the world yet still somehow barely having a grasp#on their anatomy so they always look ridiculous when I draw them. I have both drawn and looked at cats for my entire life basically#yet somehow those two things do not come together to make me a good cat artist.. alas..#6 - underpart of an outfit I did (and havent yet posted of course because of my evil backlog of onemillion drafted posts)#I took the main dress off the top but thought the underneath part looked cool on it's own as well#7 - more sky.#8 - Mushroom fettucini alfredo. steak. and grilled asparagus. A fun little meal for me though I can't remember the occasion. I think maybe#as a reward for getting my covid booster or something. Though I still feel it's not as much of a reward when I am personally cooking#everything myself at home gjhbjh.. so its like... I'm having to do quite a lot of labor which makes it feel less relaxing I suppose. but eh#a treat in some form. Still cheaper by overall cost than ordering from a restaurant - and also can be customized and prepared#exactly how I like - which is the point. I guess more I just wish I weren't the only cooking person in the house. Everyone could#take turns making special meals for each other rather than like.. ''hmm I feel like having a treat. suppose I shall spend an hour#making it all myself and then feel tired whilst eating it'' lol.. ANYWAY#9 - and then.. you guessed it..MORE sky pictures!!! This time pinky bluey and so on.. huzzah..#A very sky heavy entry into the photo diaries I suppose#The sky in the 1st/7th image is jsut very ethereal seeming to me. something about the way the lighting is behind the clouds. It's#transportive. An interesting sky will make me feel like many other places in time or things I've seen in dreams or something. You get#a sense of being in a different world or like you're looking out over something you once imagined whilst reading a storybook. maybe lol
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#overthinking a shitty interaction fromna few days ago#ppl talking about me in the notes as if I wasnt there#someome said 'why is he being so familiar?'#i was talking like i normally talk. going for generally empathetic and understanding with an amount of snark bc they were being rude#i shouldnt have engaged to begin with but I was like oh i have good proof to refute this nonsense claim#forgot for a hot second that with some people its about their enotions and what they want to do with it and not. facts#nit like problemnsolving rather than listening it was a bullshit trans discourse claim based on very little of substance#and now im like. why was I so “familiar”?#i dont think I was overly familiar. idk if they were upset I wasnt rising to their bait and being aggressive so they could fight me#such a weird thing#also ran across a pill that makes you green comic with one of those guys who divert conversations like why are you trans im worried about#your mental health must be causing your transness friendo buddy bud my bestie#i dont think I was doing that#they were also really grasping at straws to misinterpret me which I think means I did a decent job being kind#im just spinning about it bc sleep is really eluding me#i should just forget about it#why is he so familiar?? am i supposed to talk like a formal fedora mlady dude?? am I just expected to be an aggressive asshole?#interact like its a legal proceeding??#i have no idea#hopefully now ive got it out i can think about something else#bc it was a totally ffuitless cinversation except as a reminder to not get involved in absurd and spiteful discourse!#tbh a bunch of recentish pills that make you green was making me uncomfortable but the metaphor is abstract enough that I cant logic through#where my disagreement is. just the vibes were kinda of....exclusionary? in ways I cant fully out my finger on?#im just q bit sad disappointed is all cause I have liked them before#i need to find something to do. if youve got this far can you reccomend me a good sleep podcast? doesnt need to be A Sleep Podcast TM#just white noise basically to keep my brain busy that doesnt matter if I only hear pieces of it#have a good one ❤#mine
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We were meant to get work done tonight for college since the deadline is tomorrow and yet I managed to open the laptop to get stuff done and Hyrule decided to front, go 'I don't know these words' and go walk in circles for two straight hours instead.
LIL BRO WE WILL FAIL IF YOU DON'T HELP US PICK UP THE SLACK
Russ
#general haze system stuff#love this boy to death but omfg hyrule pls#he's watching me type this and is making a :3 face at me as i speak/type#did isn't fun because i'm on the verge of failing due to these medieval fictives not knowing how a laptop works#they've barely grasped what they can and can't do with a phone we've basically metaphorically parental locked half the system-#he's the opposite of legend since lege will front for random genetics lessons and write down everything and pick up the slack#he knows too much about breeding and the reproductive functions of guinea pigs coz he's sat for like 2 hours and scribbled notes for me#hyrule will sit in a lesson (co-con only he doesn't like fronting by himself) and think about faeries all day while i work#PLS LEARN THAT IF YOU PRESS BUTTONS IT WILL MAKE WORDS HYRULE I BEG#I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO UNIVERSITY
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I think it was Gabe Newell who said something to the effect of "okay you made it more realistic, did that make it more or less fun?" And it's like yeah why aren't people getting asked that more.
#it sticks out in my memory because it seems like the default understanding is 'if you make it more realistic that makes it more good'#why not prioritize the fun of the thing#instead of just dumping resources into making it look or behave realistically#you can spend very little money achieving something much more impactful by not making it realistic#i feel like I'm losing my mind#what if we spend more money to achieve something less fun that will make infinite money right#someone who's good at economics balance this or whatever#i remember imagining what was basically the breath of the wild stamina bar as a child#and deciding that no that would be about as fun as having to hit a 'blink' button every couple seconds#or having to navigate your chatacter to the bathroom to relieve themselves#there's like. stuff you leave out on purpose to make it more fun#you can't include every detail you're inherently styling stuff no matter what you do#which of those details are important though#this isn't that difficult a concept to grasp is it
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me when character finally starts to feel like a CharacterTM and not some abstract statistician
#its bout eddie's cousin#i can never quite grasp the moment when it's no longer fictional microguy but a real person (to me)#“baby you can drive my car yes im gonna be a star baby you can drive my car and maybe i'll love you” <- her vibe btw#& yesterday realized once again how important it is for me to know what a character looks like#bc i was thinkin bout carlo's father and he's a complicated guy to work with#bc he's deeply self indulgent and it often holds me back likkkkke idk how to explain#some things mean a lot to me and so i try to shove them down deep and smooth them out#and it all comes out not sincere in the end bc being honest is a little scary in this context anyway#(because basically i wanna adjust to what's convenient for others? to put away my personal stuff that actually interests me the most)#i mean i had a vague image of him in my head but it was hm. what it should be? not what i really wanna see yk??#and yesterday i realized exactly what _i_ thought he should look like. i mean like. convincing to me#and just that visual image in my head made it so much easier for me to understand the organics of his character yk yk???#like that made him way more real in seconds?? like i keep forgetting that im makin all this stuff just for myself#random ramblings bc makin fictional stuff will always feel to me as something unbelievable and inexplicably cool. like how tf this works
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rereading the worst scene I have ever written in my entire life and why did harrison have to drag lonan so hard here:
The sound of Lonan’s voice is like crashing into a concrete wall.
#this is a simile that in my poetry workshop we might say isn't quite symmetrical enough#BUT IS IT FUNNY YEAH#not that I care to critique the line because literally not the point of this book but since we're here and I mentioned the symmetrical thin#LET'S TALK ABOUT IT BC IT'S ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I LIKED#ABOUT MY POETRY WORKSHOPS (this is a joke if my prof ever sees this)#anyway so basically entails having a simile where the comparison doesn't feel quite accurate to what it's describing#that can entail accuracy in tone size etc#like for example here it's hard to grasp how a voice can BE like crashing into a wall#bc the senses here aren't quite symmetrical (hearing the sound of a voice VS feeling or seeing something crash)#ANYWAY not saying I don't think it works it's just a neat thing I learned that I actually do like and think you can use#intentionally too....... but I'd never thought of the symmetricality (? lmao) of similes before#& I think it's made them stronger#a revision could be adding a verb that makes the simile more congruent btw#like “HEARING lonan's voice is like crashing into a wall” etc bc the verb hearing is symmetrical with the “image” (in this case sound)#that a crash makes..... anyway this has helped me when i'm like why tf does this simile not work#ANYWAY RANDOM CRAFT CHAT IN THE TAGS AS WE LAUGH AT LONAN HAHAHA YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES U etc
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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youtube
exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.
#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to#sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting#concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that#threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth.#she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want#to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control#like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority#it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police#like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows#they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason#i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it#ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat#i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what#but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care#about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes#i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting#louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just#keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show#that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without#turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us#is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.
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i think the biggest obstacle between me and writing any sort of fiction is that my brain REQUIRES me to understand EVERY MINUTE DETAIL of literally everything. i can't just have my urban/historical fantasy 1950s gangsters smoking cigars in a room because i need to understand the entire culture behind cigars, the time and place in which one would smoke them, the daily life of a gangster, whether this takes place in europe or america, if there where gangsters during that time period, are my characters even gangsters? what exactly is the name of the aesthetic im picturing? how do i find out? i've been calling it a "gentleman" aesthetic but like i can't exactly google that. also how does the social and cultural and economic dynamics of the time influence what these characters are concerned with and talking about. how does magic affect this
and then instead of googling and putting in the work to understand and develop the world and story i just dont
#this happens with fanfiction too#trying to find a place in the s2 timeline to fit in a fic and then i realised that there is literally no space of time that i can#conceivably fit in a scene#there is some part of me that prevents me from writing in any genre unless i consume all the most#important pieces of media in that genre first#i think this is a result of liking and consuming so much post modern fuckin improvised or unconventional media#i don't get the basics like at all#im also autistic and don't grasp cultures and unspoken rules very quickly so i have actively look out for them#im realising that im quite like an ai in that you need to feed me copious amounts of good art#for me to produce anything
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The curse of having drawn for years and having a decent enough grasp on the basics is that it's hard to find advice on how to improve.
#its more just an issue of not knowing where to start. do you just find pictures online and trace them? draw the picture?#i always hear about doing studies or taking classes and like. id do studies but i cant find literally aby advice on how to do them or how#they work. studying anatomy makes sense but how do you do it in a productive way. master/art studies make no sense unless you want that#art style. pose studies make sense because then you know how the body can move. and i cant take classes because i do digital#and most classes in my area are both too expensive and for painting. id look up stuff online or on youtube but ots#*its mostly geared towards people who are just starting out which was definitely good for me a few years ago but now the “draw often :)”#and “learn shading” type of basic tips dont apply anymore because i have a grasp on how they work.#anyway ignore me and my art woes i just want to learn better anatomy lol
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A few times a year I get the urge to learn basically every language ever and then I give up because I get too ambitious. So my new rule is I’m never allowed to not be learning a language. I have to do at least one language lesson per day for the rest of my life
#i’ve been learning italian since december#i feel like i know greetings and pleasantries really well and i have a decent grasp of pronunciation#(i know a little french and spanish so the sounds aren’t unfamiliar to me)#i can string together basic sentences on a few everyday subjects and would feel confident ordering food or doing basic shopping in italian#i don’t think i could do more than that and would probably fall to pieces if someone said a word i didn’t know#definitely i have no business picking up another language when i’m still so far of where i want to be in italian since i’m not understandin#media i consume in the language; wouldn’t feel able to converse at length in the language etc#so tell me why i picked up greek this past week#i’m trying to prioritise italian so right now i’m just focusing on the greek alphabet and learning to read greek#since i have a really hard time learning new alphabets and i don’t feel comfortable proceeding until i can break down a word and read it#i would say i can recognise the entire greek alphabet but i don’t have all the sounds and names memorised and can’t really read yet#so tell me why i want to pick up welsh#i know bore da. prynhawn da. ellen dw i. draig#i’m 1/4 welsh so i would like to learn at some point#my levels of french and spanish are about the same as my italian but rustier since it’s been a while#i have vague plans of improving them but not any time in the near future#so what i’m thinking is i try to learn 3 languages at once. i mean why not right#people do this. i think?#i saw about this kid whose dad is trying to teach him about a hundred languages and he did a video in some of them#and people were saying most of them were pretty terrible but there were a few (german; japanese; native language of tamil) were pretty good#so that proves you can maybe do this?#idk. girl i’m really high don’t ask me#personal
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