#like yes my therapist has called me finn multiple times while u r within earshot u did not mishear that
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synchlora · 4 years ago
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genuinely clueless man
#do not know how to come out so i am just going to drop hints until my parents r so used to my gender shit that they have to accept me <3#like yes my therapist has called me finn multiple times while u r within earshot u did not mishear that#yes i am using ur makeup but also i am using my brothers deodorant cause fuck u#and yes i reffered to myself as one of four guys in my old group of church friends. yes my pin says gay 'boy' <3#i do not know how nothing has clicked yet man. guess its almost lucky but also. pay attention u fucks i dont wanna have to spell it out fr#absolutely not coming out to both of u at once but also either choice is godawful#like im more comfortable w my mom (low bar for me to be more comfortable w someone than my dad but she manages to pass it. barely)#but if i come out to her first my father will be pissed and fall into self pity bc his 'little g***' doesnt trust him w emotional shit#and then he'll be an asshole and guilttrippy and god#every time he fucks up pronouns or my name he'll immediately beat himself up abt it and make some huge pity party of it like.#shut up and move on#no one wants to dwell on that shit. stop making it abt making me feel guilty for making u 'adjust'#know how much fucking adjustment and bottling up ive had to do? u can deal w fucking up on occasion#god it just#doesnt seem worth it to come out but im gonna lose it if i have to hear my parents say im their g*** or fuckin d******* one more time#the last strong link to this shit is from my family and being at home and so. obviously its something that is just fucking constant#and i know if i come out itll just be my parents constantly walking on eggshells and i dont know whats worse#im lucky as hell that they arent like. violently anti trans or anything but god i just fuckin dont know what to do abt them#i already know just about how theyll react and act after i come out but i cannot make the decision lmao#dont know if id rather them think they know me and call me all that shit that doesnt fuckin apply#or to have them Know nd have all those casually transphobic things said and all those pronoun fuck ups and all that 'pity your parents' shi#i dont know#dont mind this rant just getting my thoughts down lmao#dumbass thots#vent cw#vent post#parents mention#transphobia#<- ?? not sure how to tag this lmk if u need anything tagged
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