#like yeah I'll probably continue writing for him but this is the most ive ever written in one series it's wild that he's kept my attention

[dinsbeskar]

put the last chapter in my queue for 9pm gmt NYE, I'm actually kind of emotional lmao it's been rotting my brain for so long, it'll be wild to see it done

[the-kipsabian]

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

18. i probably have a lot but rereading my fics i came across this one and its just. so funny without context lmao

"Slowly Kip reached for the shirt, untangling it and pulling it over his head. A small smile tucked the corner of his lips as he glanced down at it as he straightened it down. An Orange Cassidy shirt. He wanted to laugh, but maybe that would have been inappropriate."

19. oh god do i have wips that are shareable at the moment, hang on... okay i have one thats eventually going to see the light of day i think, so heres a little peek of what ive written so far for an orangekip fic where kip just really wants to make out with oc so he'll come up with an excuse to make it seem like they have to practice kissing for a storyline reasons. its really dumb but its just fun lmao. also this doesnt really describe the actual fic at all tbh but i thought it was nice lmao

"“Okay.”

Okay? Okay? That’s it? Kip blinked at him a few times, after all the panic and effort he had gone through to get those words out of him, that’s what the blond had to say to him?

…Well, at least he didn’t seem to be too concerned, which was good for Kip. It gave him the opportunity to continue to push through with this, to --

“So are we talking, like, just your obvious open flirting or is there more in plans for this?”"

22. sometimes. i mostly just have like one idea im basing everything around and sometimes words take matters into their own hands, but mostly i know where things are going and what the end goal is. how we get there is a whoooooole another conversation tho most of the time lmao

24. ough i dont have any. im bad with moodboards and also all my wips are very dead at the moment lmao. maybe i'll make one for like. immortal fears one day. or for the new one i was planning on writing very privately about some extremely soft slow burn enemies to lovers stuff. hmm

25. if im in the right mood and writing something that tugs on my personal feelings as well, i do cry yes. most recent example (that im actually still really proud of as a fic tbh) being "its not your story to write". i managed to keep myself together until like the last two paragraphs but yeah. this one definitely did break me while writing it (also im upset at myself most days right now cause of my incapability of writing or finishing anything so lmao theres that too)

fic asks ~

[suwya]

Till the Stars Had Run Away - Chapter 6

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Summary: Killian Jones was a voyager. Actually, he was many things, or at least he had been - a lieutenant, a brother, a loving boyfriend - until everything had turned upside down and his life had hit an all time low. So, he gave up. Aboard his spaceship he abandoned Arcadia, his planet, navigating the stars and other solar systems in search of... well, he still didn't know what he was searching for, but his rule was "never remain in the same place longer than necessary."

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Rating: M

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Prologue; Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

AO3

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A/N: Sorry for the waiting, but real life came along and I had to stop writing for a couple of weeks. Thank you @thisonesatellite for being the best beta reader I could ever ask for. And thank to all of you who are reading this. Happy Labour Day!

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Chapter 6 . .

Be not inhospitable to strangers,

lest they be angels in disguise.

(W. B. Yeats)

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When Killian regained consciousness he found himself in what reminded him of a military hospital. There were thin white curtains around his bed, but through them he could spot other beds like his, most of them empty. The room seemed large and dimly lit.

He closed his eyes and remembered the crash landing, the unknown desert planet, the great rock that was about to crush Henry, and that feeling of unease and imminent danger he had felt just before the impact. Where was he? And above all what kind of situation was he in, a good or a bad one? He opened his eyes again, and noticed he wasn’t alone. A woman was checking his IV, and a nearby monitor was beeping intermittently.

Killian tried to sit up, but a stabbing pain in his lungs made him desist immediately. He groaned loudly.

“Look who’s awake.” Said the woman, who was now staring at him. “Hello, handsome.” She added cheerfully.

Killian had found himself dealing with uncharted waters several times in his life. He decided to play the waiting game. “This is usually my line, well, more or less.”

“Really? In this case, I'll warn my husband not to approach you.”

“Don’t worry I'm not into men, not recently at least.” He smirked.

“Oh, but my husband is quite the charming one.”

“I still prefer the company of a fair lady, if I could choose.” He winked and chuckled, and a dull pain made him gasp.

“Take it easy.” She immediately shifted her attitude from playful to worried. “How do you feel?”

“As if I've been hit by a rocket.”

“Not a rocket, but yes, you’ve been hit hard. You’ve suffered two broken ribs. And believe me, you were lucky, it could have been worse. Do you mind if I run some tests and see how you react?”

“No problem.”

While the woman was busy measuring his temperature, making him follow a small blue LED light with his gaze, and extracting some blood to examine later, he took advantage of the opportunity to observe her more closely. She had short black hair and green eyes, bright and lively in contrast to her very delicate skin. Killian found himself thinking of another pair of green eyes, which had been filling his thoughts frequently lately. The memory brought him back to reality quickly.

“What is this place?” He inquired, eager to know what had happened while he was unconscious.

“Welcome to Vernal-Den.” She answered smiling.

Killian tried to remember if he had ever read about this planet. “Never heard of it.”

“Yeah, we’re not very popular.”

Was she too concentrated on checking-in his vitals, or was she being too concise on purpose? He didn’t know, but he intended to keep an eye on her. “How long was I out?”

“A while.” Another elusive answer.

He decided to test the waters. “Were there ….other injured people with me?”

“If you’re referring to Henry and Emma, they are perfectly fine.” She seemed sincere. “They are staying at our place. Henry has visited you every day since you came in.”

“And Emma?”

“Well, she can’t come in. She’s not a relative of yours. But she has spent long hours sitting just outside that door.” She said pointing towards the exit. “I had to order her to go home and get some rest.”

After that she excused herself, saying that she had to attend to other patients.

He realized she hadn’t even told him her name. He didn’t know if he could trust her or not. The fact that she had avoided some of his questions sent chills down his spine. And most of all there was the Emma problem.

Why couldn’t she visit him? Was it true that it was only a matter of rules? Or was she in some kind of peril? He needed to know what was happening behind those doors that separated him from the woman that had been pestering his dreams in the last ten years of his life. He had to know that she was alright. To hell with rules! He thought. And by the way, when was the last time he followed one. He had to get out of this place. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his lungs was so strong that his vision started to blur and cold sweat formed on his temples. He lay back down on the bed, aware that in his conditions he couldn’t have gone far before collapsing unconscious on the floor. He promised himself to solve the problem as soon as he had enough strengths, but he couldn't dwell too much on that thought, because sleep was reclaiming his mind again.

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~·~·~·~

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Time passed very slowly, or so it seemed, but maybe it was simply the fact that every day looked the same. Killian was mostly asleep, probably due to the painkillers introduced through the IV, and when he woke up he couldn't tell how long he had been out, he couldn't even tell if it was day or night. There were no windows in that room.

During one of the moments when his mind regained consciousness, he felt the mattress drop slightly to one side and he slowly opened his eyes.

“You are awake! How do you feel? Can you breathe? Of course you can, you would be dead otherwise! Does it hurt?” Henry was sitting at the end of the bed, and he was asking a lot of questions, as usual. “Sorry.” He suddenly looked contrite. “I should let you rest, but…”

“It’s ok, lad.” Killian cut him off. “I’m glad to see you’re all in one piece.”

The boy greeted him with a wide grin.

Killian remembered the last moments before getting injured, and he was relieved to know that he had been able to prevent that rock from hitting Henry. But other worries crowded his mind. “How about your mom?”

“She’s fine. She’s outside. They won’t let her in. You know, only relatives and all that stuff.” He explained.

“I see. And why are you…?”

Henry didn’t let him finish the question. “I told them I’m your son.” He whispered with a conspiratory smile.

“Clever boy.” Killian’s chuckle turned soon into a cough due to the pain.

“Does it hurt?” The boy asked, frowning.

The man dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. “It’s not a big deal.” He didn’t want the lad to feel responsible for his well-being. “How many days have passed since we landed here?” He asked, changing the subject.

“I don't know exactly.” And at Killian’s questioning look, he added, “It’s complicated.”

“How so?”

“People live underground here,” The boy started to explain, “With no opportunity to look outside. And there are no clocks. My watch had probably broken when we arrived, it doesn’t work anymore.”

The man hummed, he was starting to understand. The lack of windows, the elusive answer he had received from the dark-haired nurse… everything was beginning to tally in Killian’s head. “I want you to think carefully about everything you saw outside this room. Did you feel something was wrong?”

The boy shrugged. “I don't know.” He seemed to ponder. “This place is strange. Lots of corridors and passages underground. We are not allowed to go out into the open. They say it’s dangerous. But I never felt a threat or something. I would rather say it’s boring.”

“Why boring?”

Henry was trying to find the right words to explain it. “All the days are the same, people repeat the same actions every day. They say it’s useful to maintain a routine. But I don’t think Mary Margaret and David are bad people.”

“I’m sorry, who?” Killian asked.

“Oh, yeah, Mary Margaret, she is your nurse. We’re staying at her home. She is very nice. And David is her husband. He showed me the greenhouse. It’s awesome and huge, you should see it! But I don’t think he works there. I don’t know what his job is.”

Routine? New people? A greenhouse? Well, that was a lot of information to process. But Killian felt sleep calling him back. Next time I see that lady Margaret, I’m going to ask her not to put more painkillers in my IV. He thought. “Thank you, Henry, for everything. But I may need to rest for a while now.” He managed to say before falling asleep again.

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~·~·~·~

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Emma knew Killian was feeling better, Henry had told her about their short chat, and some of her child's enthusiasm had even infected her positively, but she continued to feel restless, she wanted to make herself useful. Most of all, she wanted to see Killian again.

All this absurd situation was her fault. And no, she was not thinking about the fact that Killian was lying on a hospital bed because of some bad decisions she had made lately. No. She was not going down that path again. She had already spent a lot of hours regretting many choices done in the last month.

But this was nonsensical, why couldn’t she visit a friend that was hurt and maybe in need of some company? She had actually had a chance to say that she was his wife; after all in the eyes of her guests, she and Killian had a son together, so why not lie a bit more and make Mary Margaret believe that she and Killian were married. But the thought of a possible long time spent together on this planet feigning to be a happily married couple scared her, and she couldn’t go on with the lie.

So there she was, sitting on a very uncomfortable metal chair in the waiting room. She had spent more hours there than she could count.

David had passed by to greet his wife, and he had offered to take Henry with him, on the way back home. So she was left alone with her thoughts.

Mary Margaret peeked out the door with a steaming mug in her hand. “Take this. It will help.”

She agreed with a nod. “Thank you.” She sipped some of the hot liquid and it felt like her nerves were starting to relax a little.

“You should go home and rest. It's late.” The woman said.

“Mary Margaret let me enter.” Emma pleaded for the umpteenth time.

“We have already talked about it. You know I can’t do that. There are strict rules down here, and the best way for us to survive is to follow them.”

“This is insane. I’m not a dangerous criminal or someone who is plotting to destroy this planet. I just want to see him. Please.” She begged.

The dark-haired woman seemed to be pondering all the possible consequences. “All right.” She sighed. “Let’s just say that I’m going inside and leave the door ajar, by mistake, of course. I have to check some very important documents, so I’ll be busy and concentrated. I’m not going to ask you what you’re going to do in the next... fifteen minutes or so. Okay?”

“Thank you.” Emma handed her the cup back, rising from her chair. “You won’t regret it.”

After Mary Margaret disappeared behind the door, Emma waited some minutes before going after her. The room was large and there were many beds, she had no idea where Killian was, but after a quick look at the surroundings, she discovered that only a couple of all the beds were occupied.

She approached one of those and gently opened the curtain trying not to disturb the patient lying inside.

Killian seemed asleep. He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes. She could only imagine the pain he was going through. She had her heart in her throat because she felt responsible for the situation. If they hadn't taken a detour because she had requested it, they'd probably all be home safe and sound by now.

“Hey, beautiful.” He greeted her with a painful grin.

Immersed as she was in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed that he had woken up. She smiled, trying to be strong and not show her inner turmoil. “Do they treat you well here?”

“I'm not complaining. The nurse is kind and the food is edible.” He tried to downplay the situation. “Although I would prefer the care and attention of a certain blonde.” He winked.

Emma chuckled. Then she went closer to him and sat down on the side of his bed, trying not to cause him any more pain. She looked him straight in the eye, and then, gently, she took his hand in hers, intertwining her fingers with his. She saw him swallow hard, and the beeping of his heartbeat accelerated on the monitor. She smiled softly again. “Thank you for saving my son’s life.”

She saw how he wet his lips before answering as if his mouth had been suddenly dry. “It was the right thing to do.” Was his answer, but his voice came out slightly choked.

Emma looked back, checking if any hospital employee was nearby, “I shouldn’t be here, and unfortunately my time is running out. But I wanted to see you... needed to see with my own eyes that you are ok... well, more or less.” She whispered, with her gaze lowered, avoiding eye contact. The physical connection of their joined hands was already arousing too many contradictory emotions inside her.

“Aye. I know the feeling.” He replied, letting her know that he had been eager to establish contact with her throughout his stay in the hospital.

At those words, she stared at him again. “Get well soon.” She bent down and dropped a mild kiss at the corner of his lips. “We need you.”

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~·~·~·~

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Killian was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. This time there was no way he would fall asleep again. Every time he thought about what had just happened his beeping monitor sped up. He blushed. It had been just a chaste kiss, nothing compared to the hot and breathtaking one they had shared a few days before. But she had said it had been a one-time thing and he had promised himself not to indulge in those lustful thoughts anymore. Yet, this last kiss had seemed much more real, and meaningful... it had left him with a feeling of hope.

Hope and distress. Emma was such a strong and beautiful woman, a marvelous creature, as he liked to describe her in his mind, and a princess even. And what was he? A rebel, and a scoundrel. Or a rapscallion... whatever. Okay, maybe not anymore, but he had been in the past, for many years. He had been trying to redeem himself lately. But was he worth enough of her? That was the million dollar question.

He was still ruminating on it when the known brunette peeked out the curtains. “Hello. How are you today?” She greeted him with a bright smile, as usual.

“Better.” He hoped the monitor on his right wasn’t showing his state of mind.

She came closer. “Do you mind if I check your ribs? It's time to change the dressing.” After a short pause, she added, “I'm sorry, but we don't have the best equipment to assist our patients. We have to work with what we have available on this planet.” She said pointing to the bands that covered his chest.

Killian nodded, and Mary Margaret started to untie the bandages. She seemed concentrated on her task, probably she was trying to avoid causing him any pain. It was only when she started to apply an ointment on the bruises, that she spoke again. “You love her.” It was just a whisper, and Killian doubted if he had heard correctly. But then she added “Emma.”

It wasn’t a question, and he pondered what was the correct answer, or if she was expecting one. “I'd go to the end of the world for her… Or the multiverse.” He said eventually.

“And she for you, I take it?”

Killian chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“What’s the problem?” She looked at him surprised. Then took some clean gauzes and started to wrap them on him.

“She's bloody brilliant, an amazing woman. She fights for her son and always does what’s right.” Killian’s voice was so full of admiration.

“Is there something wrong with it?” Mary Margaret inquired.

Killian shook his head again. “She raised the bar very high. The fact is, I don't think I measure up.”

The woman folded the old bandages and took the ointment bottle, then she stood up, she was making an exit when she stopped short. “Since you came here I've been watching you.”

“I don't know if I should be flattered or scared.” The man tried to ease the tension of the moment.

“We don’t have many foreigners on this planet, but believe me, you're not one of the bad guys. You sacrificed yourself for the sake of a young boy. There's good in your heart.” She smiled at him softly. “I’m going to look for the doctor; I bet you’ll be leaving this room soon.”

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~·~·~·~

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The following day started the same as the previous ones. But during the first hours of the evening a man in a white coat came to visit Killian. He explained the medications and precautions to be taken to him, some movements that he should avoid for a while, and other tips for a speedy recovery. Then he handed over some papers for the patient to sign to be discharged. Finally some good news.

After a while redressing and packing up his few belongings in his satchel Killian went to the door. Walking hurt a bit but nothing he couldn’t bear.

Mary Margaret was already waiting for him, and a tall blonde guy was with her. “You must be Jones.” He said. When they shook hands, Killian learned his name was David Nolan, and he remembered Henry had mentioned him in his conversations. “I’m going to take you to our humble abode.”

Nolan's house was in fact modest. A loft with a large dining room, a kitchenette, a bedroom, and a small bathroom on one corner, all open, without doors, except for the bathroom. There was a raised bedroom opposite it, whose access was a metal stair.

Dinner was good, if a little awkward. Emma didn't interact much, and Killian wanted to ask if something was troubling her, but he preferred to wait for a better time, perhaps a less crowded one. Henry entertained them with what he had done throughout the day and kept repeating how glad he was that Killian was back with them.

But the man was still a bit cautious with those new people around him. He didn’t know them, especially the Nolan guy, who had been silent for most of the dinner, glancing sidelong at him as if he wanted to study him thoroughly before making a personal judgment. The feeling was mutual, Killian thought.

Just after dessert, David started to speak. “What will you need to restore your ship?” He asked.

“Uh… a new stabilizer, I think, and some parts of the propulsion engine for sure. But I’ll have to look closely at the damages to be sure there’s nothing else broken.”

The blond man nodded. “Not many ships come and go from here. But I hope we can find all the pieces you need.”

“Thank you, mate.”

“Tomorrow I’ll take you to the hangar where your ship is. We’ll have a look at it.” He seemed sincere in his generosity.

“May I help?” Henry barged in.

A chorus of “No!” echoed the room.

“I appreciate the support, but it could be dangerous.” Killian explained.

“I hate being here. I feel trapped.” The boy complained.

Mary Margaret sighed. “This is a feeling that will vanish with time.”

The woman was no doubt trying to instill some optimism, but Killian didn't like the idea of staying in that place longer than necessary. “Well, then, let’s hope we could leave this planet before the feeling has entirely vanished.” He made a grin and passed his hand on his side.

“Time for resting.” The brunette stated although it sounded more like an order. “But before that, we should change those bandages. Emma, would you like to help me?”

“Me?” Emma, who had been silent and a bit on the sidelines all evening, seemed to re-emerge from wherever she’d gone.

“He won’t be able to do it by himself when you won’t live here anymore. It’s better if you learn how to help him.” Mary Margaret clarified.

Emma looked like she was going to object, but in the end, she asserted. “Sure.”

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~·~·~·~

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If a certain nervousness had taken hold of Emma as she climbed to the upstairs room, it disappeared the instant Mary Margaret helped Killian get rid of his shirt. That wasn’t a thorax, it was a nautical chart. Most of it was covered by gauze, but she could still spot many marks and scars.

There was a tattoo, two of them to be exact, but Emma saw just one at first. It was on his right forearm; it was a big red heart with a dagger running through and the name “Milah” across it. Emma made a mental note to ask him later who she was.

Mary Margaret showed her how to unfasten the bandages, and then she ordered her to stand behind him, to help better in removing them all.

On his back, Emma saw the second tattoo, on his right shoulder. It was an old nautical instrument she had read about in a book when she was younger, but she couldn’t remember the exact name. The drawing was beautifully detailed, even if it had faded, it was probably older than the other one, she thought.

And when all the gauze was out of the way, she saw them: tiny, blurred, old scars that studded most of his back. Emma wondered what kind of life he had to endure when he was very young.

Mary Margaret asked her to help with the ointment. She had already opened the bottle and was showing the blonde woman how much cream to use. But Emma wasn't listening, standing now in front of the man, her attention was caught by the glorious chest hair that was covering most of his torso.

Okay, there was also a big, horrible bruise on his right ribs, but Mary Margaret was saying that it seemed on the way to a fast recovery, if the yellow and purple veining was some indication.

Emma was ogling and she wasn’t ashamed of it either. The amount of hair decreased in the lower part of his chest, leaving a black trail that disappeared under the hem of his pants.

"See something you like?" Emma was abruptly taken back to reality by a smug Killian that was smirking at her while arching an eyebrow. She blushed. She was caught red-handed, but she couldn’t let him win. She took advantage of the fact that Mary Margaret was looking for something in a nearby drawer, to get closer to him. She looked at him lasciviously from under her lashes. “Maybe?” She purred.

Now it was his time to blush, he looked intently at his feet, but she found the bright red that appeared on his ears extremely endearing. Point for Emma.

Mary Margaret taught the other woman how to fix the bandages, and Emma had to use some tiny hooks to hold them together. She did not miss the opportunity to casually slide her fingers over a part of his chest hair that came out of the bandages.

“Bloody Hell!” Killian muttered.

Emma retreated her hand immediately. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?” Worries that she had done something wrong clouded her gaze.

“Apologies.” Killian was scratching behind his ear, in evident embarrassment. “While I do enjoy two lovely ladies attending to my needs, I'm not used to someone taking care of me…” He smiled and brought his mouth close to Emma’s ear: “I’m usually the one who devotes full attention to a woman’s needs.” He whispered, but clearly not as quietly as he would have liked, because Mary Margaret's answer - “Well, you will have to put that off for a while” - made him blush again like a schoolboy scolded by his teacher.

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~·~·~·~

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Suddenly it was bedtime. Everyone was busy making preparations and taking shifts for the bathroom to change for the night. Killian was upstairs, staring at the bed he knew he had to share with Emma, who was arranging a pillow on the nearby sofa. He passed a hand through his hair and then scratched a spot behind his right ear. “I'll crash on that couch.” He stated as if it was the most logical conclusion to a battle he was fighting inside.

“Don't be ridiculous,” she scoffed. “It's barely long enough for Henry. Plus, you’re still recovering, you absolutely need to rest.”

He didn't seem very convinced. “Emma, I'm not sure this is a good idea.”

“And why is that?” Was her exasperated reply, turning towards him with her hands on her hips. “What are you going to do? Seduce me with a couple of broken ribs and a ten-year-old boy sleeping next to us?”

He lifted his arms and surrendered. “Fair point.” He conceded.

In no time they were all ready for the night and Henry was snoring softly on the sofa. Killian was supine, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the events of the day. In any case, sleep had no intention of coming, but he tried not to move. He didn’t want to wake up his roommates. Emma was lying close with her back to him and he didn’t know if she was already in the arms of Morpheus.

He turned his head to observe how her upper body moved with the rhythm of her breathing, blond curls covering her shoulders. Killian had to repress the urge to touch them. And as if responding to his call, she stirred and turned to face him.

Her eyes opened lazily. “Still awake?” She murmured.

“I have the feeling that I’ve slept enough for the rest of my life.” He whispered. “But you can’t rest either, I see.”

She didn’t answer.

Perhaps it was the closeness, perhaps it was the fact that they had spent the last few days apart. Killian didn't know how he found the courage, but he lifted his left arm as an invitation. “Come here,” he said.

She seemed to ponder the situation, chewing her bottom lip. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He decided not to think about all the possible implications of that sentence. He was falling in love with her, he was aware of it. Probably the simple doubt that she might not reciprocate was already hurting him, but he knew that at that moment she was referring only to his physical bruises. “You won’t.”

She slipped under the sheets towards him, resting her head gently on his left shoulder and placing a hand on his chest, avoiding the bruised part. Not many minutes passed before her lids grew heavy and she dozed off to the rhythm of his heartbeats. Killian placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

[villainess-noble-girl]

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Title: Second-Year Valentine's Day

Author: meiberry

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12852677/1/Second-Year-Valentine-s-Day

Fandom: Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Pairing: EnjouXReika

Photo: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/67148847

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"No. I'm not going to take it. It's going to make me sleepy. Plus it tastes like soap."

The muffled voice of Yukino came from beneath the covers. The IV drip tube poked out from the ball of sheets in the hospital bed.

Shuusuke sighed at his little brother's stubborn actions. Good thing he came prepared for this. "Yukino. Kisshouin-san wrote you a letter."

The ball of sheets shifted, and Yukino's head popped out from beneath the covers, his doe peering up at Enjou in surprise. "...Reika-oneesama?"

Shuusuke held up a small pink envelope with "Yukino-kun" written in neat handwriting in the center. Yukino reached for it when Shuusuke swept it back out of reach with a gentle smile.

"..." Sullenly, Yukino obediently drank the medicine. Watching as he finished it, Shuusuke patted his head and handed him a glass of water with a piece of candy to take care of the medicine's bitter aftertaste. Yukino popped the candy in his mouth with one hand and eagerly held out the other, looking up at Shuusuke expectantly. Shuusuke handed him the letter and watched as his little brother opened it earnestly.

In the beginning, Shuusuke was pretty surprised to see him get along so well with an older girl. Usually, Yukino was not so nice. He was a really smart kid for his young age, and many older girls had been trapped by his soft, harmless facade only to be humiliated and insulted beyond repair. But recently, Shuusuke found that with Kisshouin, Yukino seemed to genuinely act like his appearance.

Shuusuke could see why. Kisshouin clearly didn't have any ulterior motives when speaking to Yukino. Older girls usually saw Yukino as a means to an end. If they weren't patronizing then they were obsequious, obviously trying to use the younger brother to get to the older one. But when it came to Kisshouin… if anything, it was as if her treatment of the two brothers was reversed. In the ten years of knowing her, the very first time that Kisshouin started a one-on-one conversation with Shuusuke that lasted longer than one minute happened to be because Yukino. It was a dreadfully humbling experience. Yukino has sure put up with a lot these past few years.

In any case, no matter how devilish he was to other people, in the end, Yukino really was still a little boy, and Shuusuke was simply grateful that he was able to be just a normal, cute kid with someone, even if it was a girl who clearly didn't put Shuusuke in her eyes.

He watched peacefully as his little brother's eyes happily flew across the letter.

"Kisshouin-san really cares about Yukino."

Yukino shot a glance over at him, "What? Is oniisama jealous?" And then he continued reading his letter.

"And don't think that I don't realize you told her to write this to make me obediently stay in the hospital."

Shuusuke smiled wryly. When he could tell Yukino was finished reading, he continued, "Well, Yukino seems to really like Kisshouin-san. I thought maybe you would listen if she asked you personally."

Yukino smiled, happy from finishing Kisshouin's letter. "Yeah, I do like her. Reika-oneesama is really nice and she's not just pretending. Do you want to read it, oniisama? I'll let you read it, since you asked her to write this for me. I'm going to the bathroom."

Yukino handed the letter to Shuusuke as he climbed out of bed and grabbed at his drip stand to roll it into the bathroom in the room.

Shuusuke blinked at the letter in his hands. Although he didn't ask to read it, he was honestly pretty curious. What did she say to Yukino to cheer him up, anyways?

The letter was not very long, and it fit neatly on the cute stationary decorated with little birds and vines.

Yukino-kun,

Enjou-sama told me that you are admitted to the hospital. I am worried for your health. Your family must be even more worried than me. I hope you take care of your body because many people care about you very much, and we want for you to quickly become well again. With that said, I hope you listen to the doctor so that you can leave the hospital soon. I know that sometimes it is really hard to do something you don't like. But experts have their reasons for their advice.

Recently I have been learning to make desserts from a friend. To be honest, my dessert-making skill is much farther behind my cooking. I think I know what to do when I try to be creative and individual with my own ideas, but actually, my friend tells me that the greatest mistake in baking is not following from the recipe. This is completely different from cooking, where not following the recipe is not that big of a deal. When I listened to my friend, I made a dessert more delicious than anything I'd ever made in my life! I realized at that moment, ah, so that is the difference between a normal person and an expert. With that said, I hope you understand the importance of listening to experts such as your doctor.

When you come back, you'll be able to see your other friends and me in the Petite Pivoine salon again.

Wishing you a quick recovery,

Kisshouin Reika

By the time Yukino returned from the bathroom, Shuusuke had already finished reading the letter and had set it on the tray over the foot of Yukino's bed.

"So, what did you think of Kisshouin-san's letter? Are you going to listen to her when she asks to you listen to to doctor's advice?"

"I guess." Yukino sat at the foot of the bed and picked up the letter again, folding it and carefully putting it back in its envelope before he flopped back into bed, pulling the covers over himself. "The way she asks me to listen to the doctor is just less irritating than when you ask me to listen to the doctor."

Shuusuke helped put the covers over Yukino.

"I wonder why Reika-oneesama is learning to make desserts." Yukino looked at Shuusuke, his eyes widening. "Valentine's Day is coming up, isn't it? I wonder what Reika-oneesama is making…"

"Hmm. Who knows."

"I wonder if she's learning to bake something for the person she likes..."

"Hmm. Who knows."

Yukino's eyes widened like big dark marbles as he looked at Shuusuke.

"You're curious, too, aren't you oniisama? Ne, ne, what kinds of sweets has oniisama received from Reika-oneesama on Valentine's day?"

"Actually, I've never received anything from Kisshouin-san on Valentine's Day."

"Ehhhhh!"

Shuusuke thought about how in the ten years since he's known Kisshouin Reika, she has never given anyone Valentine's chocolates. Year after year, the whole school secretly held its breath in wonder at who the Goddess Kali of Suiran would afflict with her attentions. And year after year the answer was an anti-climatic… nobody.

Kisshouin Reika never gave anybody at Suiran chocolates for Valentine's day. Him and Masaya were not excluded.

Ah, wait, that's not right. Last year she gave courtesy chocolates to the student council president. In fact, Shuusuke was the one who pointed this out to Masaya... Even though she had done it in secret, for Kisshouin Reika to give chocolates to a guy at Suiran was no small matter and in the end the word leaked anyways. Because she had done it pretty secretively, there were no massive rumours, but the thing about secrets was that they always spread. Shuusuke heard about it from the more low-key sources.

Back then, he had remembered how she seemed to have had a crush on the same student council president back in middle school, but nothing had happened even after all these years. For nothing to have happened all this time, what other conclusion was it other than unrequited love? He hinted at this story of camaraderie to Masaya in hopes of inspiring him to move on with his life. Unrequited love was not the end of the world. Just look at Kisshouin-san.

Who knew that the whole thing would have worked out so beautifully at graduation. Tomoe Senju actually had a girlfriend! And he called Kisshouin Reika a sister in front of everybody. Masaya was so moved by Kisshouin's composure and courage. Shuusuke felt like he was watching Masaya watch a romance movie. Out of all the times that he's taken advantage of Kisshouin, Shuusuke felt most proud about the way that one turned out. Witnessing the way Kisshouin "handled" the student council president's "public rejection" totally inspired Masaya and brought him back from depression. He completely recovered from Yurie's rejection after that.

Yukino's marble eyes seemed to glitter in wonder as he looked up at the handsome young man sitting beside the bed.

"Wow, even though every year it seems like you get chocolates from every single girl we know, there is actually one girl who has never given you any chocolates… not even once! Hehhh..."

Yukino did not look or sound sympathetic at all with the the corner of his lips twitching upwards.

"That reminds me... when we first met and I introduced myself, Reika-oneesama made a 'geh!' face when she heard my name, like she was really saddened to hear that Oniisama was my oniisama... I thought that maybe she hated you!"

"Hmm. I sure hope Kisshouin-san doesn't hate me. But if she does hate me, then that's unfortunate."

"No, no. I don't think Reika-oneesama hates you, Oniisama! She probably doesn't even think about you at all."

"..." Shuusuke's expression remained serene as he stayed silent.

Yukino looked at his face and suddenly giggled. Shuusuke joined in with a few chuckles. For a short moment, they laughed together.

"Ahahaha…"

"Hahaha…"

"..."

"..."

Yukino turned over in bed. "Don't worry, oniisama. Maybe one day Reika-oneesama will also remember to give you chocolates, too."

"..."

"Oh yeah, oniisama, could you find me something to write with? I want to write Reika-oneesama a reply."

"...Alright. I'll go find you some paper."

The next morning, Shuusuke thanked Kisshouin for her letter to Yukino. She looked really happy that it helped. Yeah, it was really useful. She was pretty humble.

"Yukino said that it was fun to read about making sweets."

"I could only think of unimportant things to say… well..."

Hm, there it was. Shuusuke could always hear the instant whenever it sounded like Kisshouin was trying to wrap up a conversation and escape. Usually, he'd just let her go. But for some reason, he didn't feel like it this time. The words Yukino said yesterday skipped around his mind, reviving an old and annoying itch.

"So Kisshouin-san is making sweets. Could it be that on Valentine's day..."

"Umm…" He watched as Kisshouin's eyes lowered, her cheeks blushing very lightly. He could imagine her cheeks must have been warm to the touch now. "Yes..."

"Hn."

It'd be a lie to say that he never expected any chocolates from Kisshouin Reika. It wasn't to say that he wanted her chocolates or anything like that. In fact, the idea of actually eating Kisshouin Reika's handmade sweets seemed like something that belonged to the realms of extreme adventures and chemically dangerous thrill-seeking. Although, whether or not Reika's chocolates are edible, Shuusuke wouldn't want to eat them anyways, as he didn't have a sweet tooth, but...

...He still expected to get them.

It was about logic. If a girl knew Enjou Shuusuke, then she would give him chocolates on Valentine's day. (The same applied to Kaburagi Masaya.) Three of five of chocolates would be honmei. That was the rule. He knew it was a very unique and extraordinary rule. Certainly not every boy in the world had the ridiculous privilege of receiving a mountain of chocolates and sweets from all the girls he knew. But, that was his experience.

In accordance with his life experience, it was natural to expect chocolates from a girl he knew when he's always received chocolates from every girl he knew. With no exceptions.

Except this one.

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[1rosex]

BTS Reaction to you confessing your crush on them

Request: I loved the angsty writing, can we pls get some fluff now of the members reactions to you confessing your crush on them?😭 Ty

A/N oops i got carried away

Masterlist

Jin

You were waiting for Jin to come out of practice, standing outside on the phone with a friend of yours. Today was the day you'd invited Jin to accompany you to the fair, your best friend, but also your longest crush. Jin came out of the building to meet you as you spoke to your friend over the phone. You failed to notice his presence.

"Yeah, I do like Jin. I know, I know I have to tell him. I will eventually! I hope.." You told your friend that Jin would be out soon and hung up the phone. You turned around to see Jin, his eyes wide. Your mouth fell open, but you were unable to say anything to save yourself.

"Ah! You ruined my plans Y/N!" He said dramatically as he turned away, his face red. You didn't know what he meant by that, but he didn't sound angry.

"Wait.. What?" You asked in confusion, wondering if confessing was the wrong idea.

"I was going to tell I liked you today!" Jin confessed, his face turning an even brighter shade of red as he made his usual yell of frustration mixed with nervous laughter. You couldn't help the smile from appearing on your face.

"Wait.. You.. You like me?" You didn't mean to sound like an excited little kid but you couldn't help it. Jin turned to you, unable to supress the own happiness on his face.

"Yes, Y/N. Ive liked you for a long time now. And I would have told you on top of the ferris wheel or somewhere romantic if I hadn't overheard you." He sighed.

"Well, I didn't ask you to eavesdrop." You joked. Jin shook his head.

"Well, now we can turn the fair into a date hm?"

Namjoon

You were listening to Namjoon rant about how his crush at the cafe kept ignoring him, he sounded upset. You nodded, listening intently but feeling your own heart hurt to see your biggest crush talking about someone else who showed no interest in him. What Namjoon needed though, was something to help him realize that the person he should be chasing after is you.

"And then! I thought it was all going well, and suddenly she turns around and flat out ignores me. She just left! Without a word!" Namjoon threw his hands up in the air, looking very confused. You couldn't help but laugh a little at his cute frustrated expression.

"Dont laugh!"

"Im sorry Joon. She just doesnt seem interested.. I mean, if I was your girlfriend-" You froze when you realized what you had just said. Namjoon was pulled out of his own thoughts, his eyes fixating on you.

".. If you were my girlfriend?" He repeated, his voice soft. You wanted to deny you ever said that, but the hope that had appeared in his eyes urged you to continue.

".. I.. I would be happy to be talked to. I wouldn't ignore you." You said, daring to keep eye contact. Namjoon's lips were suddenly changing into a smile, his dimples appearing on the side of his cheeks. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying- I’m saying I like you. And I wish I was the one you had a crush on.”

"You don't know how long I've hoped you'd say something like that."

Yoongi

In hindsight, playing Truth or Dare with your best friend Yoongi was probably not the best idea. You were both all worn out of dares, you'd already had him sing a whole serenade and send it to the group chat and he had you hide a fake rubber snake in Hoseok's dorm. The poor sunshine. Now, you'd moved on to truths.

"Okay Y/N, your truth." Yoongi tapped his chin and looked at you knowingly. How could he possibly think of anything? Yoongi knew you better than anyone.

"Who's your crush?" He asked, a question that got you off guard.

"Wait.. My crush? Yoongi, thats ridiculous. No way I'd have a crush and not tell you.." You laughed nervously.

"Hey now, play fair. You're lying to me Y/N." Yoongi had a smile on his face that was making you very suspicious. He was your crush. Why was he acting this way? Maybe he knew about it.. Maybe he’d found out. But how did he find out? However he did, you could see that he knew something was up and he wasn't letting you get away that easy.

"I'm.. Im not lying.."

"False. I heard you talking to your friend last night about a certain guy, and I want to know who."

"Why were you listening to our conversation?"

"Uh.. Not the point.."

You took a deep breath and looked at him. You needed to confess eventually.

"Fine. I do have a crush. My crush.. My crush is.." You were having trouble spitting it out. You were so afraid of ruining this friendship, but you knew you felt more for him. He sat there, patiently waiting for his answer. You couldn't anymore, you loved those eyes and everything else about him. "You dammit, I like you."

It was silent, and Yoongi's expression was impossible to read. You began to doubt yourself.

"Truth or dare, Y/N." He asked, breaking the silence. You looked at him in confusion, wondering if he'd even heard you. "What..? Dare I guess.."

"I dare you to kiss me."

J-Hope

You never intended to fall in love with your best friend. But with his lovable personality and his selflessness, how could you not? He was the best person you'd ever met. You were out at a restaurant with Hoseok, acting as you usually did. Despite being just friends, you were both a very touchy and playful pair. The waitress smiled at you two as she set the menus down.

"Oh, you two are so cute together. There's a discount for couples today, I'll be back to take your order." She smiled.

"Oh we're not-"

"No we aren't-" You both started talking over each other, your faces red as you denied the accusation. The lady just laughed and apologized before leaving you two alone to look. You glanced over at Hoseok, he looked really nervous all of a sudden. Was it really that bad of an idea to him? Discouraged, you grabbed your menu and kept your gaze down.

"Wouldn't we make a cute couple though?" Hoseok suddenly said. You blinked in surprise and looked up at him.

"What.. Hoseok dont play with me like that." You frowned, thinking he was joking. But Hoseok just looked up at you with a serious look in his eyes, waiting for an anwer. You swallowed and looked back down.

".. Yeah, I think we would." You said, barely audible. Hoseok grinned, you hated that smile. That smile that meant he knew exactly what you were thinking, and he knew how to tease you till he got the truth out. He knew about your crush, you were sure of it.

"Do you like me, Y/N?" He asked, straight to the point.

You hesitated, keeping your eyes glued to the menu until he reached over and grabbed it from your hands. You slowly looked up at him. "I do Hoseok. I like you." The whole restaurant seemed to hush, you were afraid Hoseok could hear your heart about to pound out of your chest. But then you felt his arm around you, and his face leaning closer to yours.

"Then I guess we do get that couple discount, hm?"

Jimin

You'd spent the whole day hanging out with Jimin, but now you were walking home and your time to say goodbye was nearing. Jimin gave you his goodbye and turned to leave as you called after him. "Bye Jimin, I love you!" You immediately froze in place. Had you just told your best friend you loved him? Oh, fuck. You didn't dare look back as you started to leave, hearing pure silence from Jimin for what felt like a long time.

".. What?" He eventually called out after you. You laughed nervously, then did the only thing you could think of. You took off sprinting towards your house. You heard footsteps behind you and Jimin calling your name, but you were running in blind panic. Suddenly you felt two arms around you and you yelled as he tackled you and you both rolled over onto the grass. You sat up, turning around to see Jimin struggling to stabilize himself after the fall.

" Wait! Sorry I didnt mean to tackle you- but that's not my point!" He said in a rush, looking dizzy. "Why did you run Y/N? What.. What kind of love?"

You sat there in the grass, trying to catch your breath while staring into Jimin's expectant eyes. "The kind of love that's not just between friends.." You finally admitted. You looked away, starting to get up. Jimin's hand was suddenly on your own, and you turned in surprise to see him smiling up at you.

"Then maybe we don't have to be just friends."

Taehyung

You had been friends with Taehyung for a long time before you even realized you had feelings for him. At first you tried to keep them secret, but lately you couldn't contain them anymore. The way he smiled at you, his laugh when you said something funny, those moments he brushed up on you. You wanted more. One day, you two were laying down watching movies and you couldn't resist anymore. You were both tired from staying up so long, your drowsiness was clouding your judgment. You looked over at Taehyung, with his stupid, cute little tired eyes, and his stupid, perfect face. It almost made you angry how strong your feelings for him were.

"I love you." You blurted out. Your heart skipped a beat, everything seemed to freeze as you realized what you just said.

Taehyung despite being tired, snapped to attention and turned to look at you.

"You what?" He asked, the television illuminating his innocent brown eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to say it again. Regretting it, you promptly rolled over and pretended to be asleep to avoid his questions. You knew he probably wouldn't buy it, but you couldn't bring yourself to turn back and face him. It was quiet for a while, the only sound was the faint voices coming from the television. Suddenly you felt one of Taehyung's arms drape over your side, his head pressing into the small of your back.

"I love you too Y/N."

Jungkook

You were sitting across from your best friend Jungkook, both of you absent mindedly scrolling through your phones. This is how you hung out most of the time. As you were scrolling, you found a video that made you laugh. It was one of those, "send this to your crush with no context" kind of videos. Jungkook arched an eyebrow and looked up at you. "You know the rules." He said. The rule, well the rule was basically that you had to send any video you found funny to the other person so they could enjoy it too. Your face went red, Jungkook was your crush.

"But.. Jungkook I can't do it with this-"

"Y/nnnn" Jungkook whined. You gulped. After a moment of staring at him, you sent him the video. You slammed your phone down, regretting your decision as you looked away. Jungkook watched the video with a completely blank expression, and as it came to and end he looked up you with an expression you hadn't seen in his eyes before.

"So do you mean it?" Junkook asked.

"Mean what?"

"The video."

"What video?"

"The one you just sent-"

"I didn't send anything." You lied quickly, and Jungkook stood up and leaned over the table at you with a smile.

"Y/N! Stop! Do you like me?" He asked, straight forward. You had no idea where his confidence was coming from, and frankly neither did he. You swallowed nervously and nodded silently. It was Jungkook's turn to be flustered now as he sunk back in his seat, trying to control his expression

"Does that mean.. we’re like.. d-dating?”

[datingdonovan]

14, 23 and 24 for the fic ask if you’re still doing it! :)

hi anon :):) omg thank you for joining!! <3 I hope you're having a wonderful day/night

14. a fic you didn't expect to write

absolutely the shirabu one. also like, tbh kinda the yaku one. I feel like there are just several characters I never expected to write for including probably those two, moreso shirabu than yaku tho. I could go on and on, but probably the guy I really did not expect to write for that sticks out the most in my mind is Iwaizumi. never in my life did I think i'd write for iwa and I always saw all these blogs that really focused heavily on him and I was like idk. just not my thing hahaha. I find it funny bc now my Iwaizumi drabbles are some of my most popular. I think its just bc so many people love him and his tag prob gets a ton of traffic but like truly. never ever thought of myself as an iwaizumi girl or someone who would write him. still not really an Iwa girl. but I do like to write him sometimes :) hahaha

23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

I was gonna keep this a secret but idk if I can any longer. ok yeah im gonna say it. I really wanted to make the yaku one a real fic with several chapters. and I truly have so many of the scenarios like planned out in my head and never wrote them. I honestly think people would freak if I continued that story so. now that ive said it maybe I'll feel like I have to hahahahaha. and then ofc the suna Anna begins fic, which ive discussed so many times and never finished hahahahaha

24. favorite fic you read this year

whaaaaaaat oh my word this is really difficult. im not sure I can pick a fave but I'll give a few recs lol. I really love @/applepiekyuu's terushima fics and I remember being super into those at one point, but I will say. there was this one fic. I forget if I read it at the beginning of this year or the end of last year, but I really really really liked it and like, have often wanted to go back and revisit it, but can't find it and have no clue where it could've gone to. it was mostly sfw but got spicy toward the end, and it was like, you were an actress hired to fake date Kageyama to soften his image as a pro player or something like that. I seriously seriously loved the fake dating dynamic and how your relationship grew and changed, and the fic wasn't particularly long but it was long enough to really get into the little moments. I feel like fics 5k+ words are harder to find on tumblr as opposed to ao3 but i love finding fics that are like. long enough to really start vibing. like upwards of 5k and over a sort of longer period of time, and you really get into the relationship between the two characters and the nuance of their interactions. please send recs if you know any good stuff like this lol <3 also truly if anyone knows the fic im talking about was please send me the link because I am DYING to read it again for the comforting strangers to lovers kageyama vibes.

ask me about my fics this year!

[amjustagirl]

im the storm chaser anon again Nikkiiii wdymmm ive been here since forever and have read everything in your master least at least once 😳 im just too shy to reveal myself but im sure you've come across me lurking in your blog. i was so excited to see that broken compass is in the same universe as the storm chaser series, i think i like it when stories are interwoven because well, life is a bit like that as well.

which brings me to something else, im currently reading the great Gatsby and i have to say that your writting reminds me of Fitzgerald's so so much, especially after you commented on the absence of dialogue from your fics(?) i noticed the same technique being used in the great Gatsby and was wondering whether you were inspired by him or not? i don't know, i find it intriguing, the omission of dialogue i mean, whether it's done on purpose or not i love it. it allows you to grasp the meaning behind words without having to deal with them which makes the story not only more interesting but also really unique in my eyes. you need dialogue in theatre or modern films but written text is something else entirely. while reading your fics, i can't help feeling that you explore and make the best use of aspects unique to written word, that's why i still believe that you're one of the best writters around here (and im saying this while having read almost everything you've recommended since i followed you 👀)

also the interwoven stories part reminds me of J.D. Salinger's short stories, sorry i said "which brings me to something else" and begun talking about something seemingly irrelevant, it's just that in my mind, Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby resemble eachother a little and my brain skipped two "steps"

anyway, sorry i say a lot of things at once and remain silent for the next two months but im almost done i promise.

love knows not it's depth, i told you something similar when you first published it but i'll say it again, it's one of the most realistic pieces i've ever read and i love that. the fact that Kuroo is one of my favourite characters aside (Kuroo and Atsumu 💔) he was so well written !! like, it felt as though i was witnessing a couple in my circle or something of sorts, it did not feel like a manga character and im saying that as a compliment T^T

i feel like im forgetting something though, anyway if you haven't read the books i mentioned, which i doubt, but if not i recommend them! also since im sending quite a few asks i might as well introduce myself, im ellie ><

i can't wait for your Kita fic, im sure it'll be amazing but take your time with it, it's okay!! im sorry for sending a long as letter in your asks but it'll probably happen again :( (unless ofc you don't want me to do so)

anyway, anyway, i hole you'll have a nice day !! 💛🌻

HI ELLIE!

okay my own rambling will be long so i'll do it under the cut.

oh gosh - never apologise for rambling or dropping into my inbox, i always love love love to hear what my readers think about my stories or anything around the sun! im like you - life is rly interwoven (catcher in the rye, so nostalgic!!), so i feel like..idk it makes sense for me to write some stories in the same universe! i'm glad you enjoyed it - and...

thank YOU for reading all my work! you're far too sweet to me. but yes, that's what i try to get at with some of my works where i don't focus on dialogue as much - there's so much more that's unsaid and i like the subtlety of it, yknow? i don't know - i don't think im inspired by fitzgerald - i'm familiar with his works, but because of where i'm from (former british colony, taught by brit teachers), i don't focus so much on american modern literature, more like - british victorian lit / shakespeare yknow? but but but i went to take a quick peek when you mentioned him...and yeah you're right! like this line from Gatsby - “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” oh gods, that style of writing just gave me chills. thank you for the rec - i'll HAVE to check it out.

i personally feel really bad whenever ppl tell me im one of the best writers around cos i feel like such a fraud - i think im decent but like...argh. i think a lot of us suffer from imposter syndrome LOL.

oh gods, love knows not its depth. idk what possessed me when i wrote it because it just...flowed and i knew after i wrote it that...it was real, yknow? i cld see shades of it in my mother, with my parents' marriage, potential shades of it in my own marriage (if either of us choose not to put in the work), so i guess...writing it was really reflective of real life too! i don't often know whether im writing kuroo right, and i'm glad you liked it cos he's so complex? there are so many facets to him - his cockiness, his maturity, his kindness, his ambition, and it's so easy to just write him as a smirking caricature, and i was afraid of that.

i hope i hope i hope you like my kita fic - i just dropped a sneak peek of it, and i'm back on tumblr cos i just finished writing another bulk (my brain needs to rest, to be continued tomorrow!!!).

i hope you have a lovely week, dear ellie <3 don't be afraid to pop back or even dm me, i'm always always up for a chat!!!!

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Does anyone in my real life still read this blog? I don't think so. Patrick the PussyAssBitch/Danny Defeato probably stopped awhile back, and I don't hold too much interest in that. Bush Whore also probably quit.... or did she? Is seeing her best friend's ex girlfriend having a mental breakdown online amusing for her?

It must've been before, since the bitch kept doing it. (Then complaining to Patrick that I write about her.... No shit dumbass, I owe no sweet nothings to a bitch that was eager to make me the bad guy in her own story, even when before the first breakup happened, it was still "im worried about him having a girl best friend, but then again thats probably due to so many cheating dynamics and more ive witnessed growing up as well as usually banging or having guy friends who hope to bang me, so shes probably not a bad person and i just need to be less anxious; i should meet her or something and feel a vibe for myself."

And then post-breakup, when we got back together but he wanted me to apologize, i was totally fine doing so. (That's a half truth; i hated the idea, but eventually grew into a 'saving my energy' sort of mindset, and figured..... might as well clear the air. Plus, i believe most people are redeemable for their actions. Except for Marco, who officially loses the train metaphor and would be tripped onto some train tracks with ease.)

Buuuut nope, Azalea continued being a stank hoe.

Then even post breakup number two, kept stalking my blog???? Like hoe me and him are not together and dont plan to date again????? Let a bitch vent?

She's a bird. :)

Anyway.

I'll admit it was flattering, but jesus. I hate people who overcomplicate things, so much.

And I guess as I woke up today, I reflected on things.

I feel pretty... good these days.

I'm dating someone who communicates with me. And actually treats me to things simply because they want to. He cooks for me, and with me. He's a real sweet guy, and I'm glad we ended up seeing eachother.

I guess it just feels nice, being in an actual healthy relationship.

And if I'm sure no exes or weirdos see this....

It feels fantastic finding someone that really showed me Patrick #2 wasn't jack shit.

He did good things during our relationship, but in hindsight, always could have done more.

A guy with a girl he clearly likes, works a full time job and only ever spends his money on gas or lunch, still not bothering to buy his clearly poor girlfriend a plate of food? He paid no rent whatsoever either, so it really wasn't gonna dent him anyway.

The same dumbass that made a double/triple decker sandwich next to me as I complained about starving. He was such a dumbass, for fuck's sake...

He did eventually learn it sorta peeved me off, and did offer to treat me every once and awhile.

And still have mixed feelings about last Christmas. DEFINITELY STILL PISSED AT HIS RUDE ASS REACTION TO MY GIFT WITH HIS UNGRATEFUL ASS, that fuckass bitch, thats exactly why I took that shit back a week later. (Better to have it lost in my bedroom, than lost in his. Don't need his dumbass to fucking mock me to whatever naive person he goes with next. "Oh yeah, I got her freshwater pearl earrings, ahd she got me this painting and a fuckton of pins! Hurhurhur how fucking hilarious!" God, he pisses me off in so many damn ways.

His gift was..... eh.

Sweet, but like, it was a pre-bought twofer gift he got at a gift shop. With the abalone earrings, at least THAT was "Oh my godddddd, I love them!" Were they my type of style? Other than the iridescence, not really. I don't really wear dangly earrings. Loved em as a kid, but, they make me self conscious. Just.... feels like they could get stuck on something with too wrong a swing.

But anyway, I already owned pearl earrings.

I came to his house that night.... wearing pearl earrings.

So opening a box, and seeing at what looks like, at first glance, cheap pearl earrings, that I could buy a 20 pack of for 1.99 at the Beauty Supply store.... had made me upset.

I could've laughed it off and still found it nice, if he didn't rag on my sentimental gift so hard.

Girls do not like when you treat their handmade painting, letter about being happy to give things a 2nd try, and your gifted pins about your interests as disposable, as you.... give them cheap earrings that they already owned, that were PRE BOUGHT, and lacked a card.

.....

Outside of him being stingy as fuck while I blew mad money buying more shit for him and his (really sweet) mother, when I already knew I was gonna probably be broke trying to find a sublet to move into....

A great example of *why men deserve less*

..... He was also a massive coward. Was he honest to me about why Azalea didn't like me before we broke up? No. Was he honest about how Azalea was annoyed at having me at the party when I deadass gave him a several day period to tell me, so that if i was told not to come, I could plan something else, and not be hurt trying to put away my outfit or unpack card games? Nope. Was he honest at any point? No.

Hell, even the night I broke up with him.

He had a chance to be fucking real.

He was given a chance to kiss me. I knew if he turned it down, it was a sign he didn't like me enough and to leave. If he did, then I would've never gave him the breakup letter. We could've talked things out, because sometimes we flourished when honest conversations happened.

.....

He turned me down. I accepted that calmly, gave him the letter, and a nice hug.

Only once I got home, suddenly he's vagueposting sad Pepe memes to twitter, and suddenly texting me how much he liked the letter; how sad he was to see me go. All that. Even said he wished he did kiss me.

.......

Guess what he did when given one last chance to talk?

Lied.

And then another after that?

Lied.

......

He always lies. God forbid anyone else deals with him.

Never communicated until worst case scenarios already happened.

And a twat.

Always so condescending.

.......

At some point, I thought he was the best relationship ever.

Until I met another depressed white twitter Marxist, and he was six feet tall with an even bigger dick that PROBABLY took longer than 4 seconds to come.

And he had a personality too, which had me like.... Oh, nice.

Then Cam, then I think two others. I forgot the others.

Cam..... And then Kieran, but that was more one sided, still a chill person.... Ah, then JC.

Juan Carlos is a fucking dumbass, ive noticed. Not much to say about him, other than he was definitely the official transitioner to make me forget Patrick had existed.

Wow, all it took was someone else to be good at oral, and being the first time of someone else. Who wouldve guessed?

Aaaaand then JC totally ruining my self esteem made me feel content.

Why keep settling?

Why settle?

I just knew there were people out there who would value me and treat me with genuine respect.

I set standards and ended up finding someone great.

It feels nice.