#like when someone rubs you the wrong way and you hate someone from a distance but are then forced to spend time with them for whatever

[latenightdaydreams]

WereWolf!König x New!Girl Pt2

Part 1

MDNI🔞

Master List ✍🏽

>cw: fem/afab, forceful, transformation, oral

1.7k word count

🐺

.

.

The very next morning, König wakes up feeling invigorated. There is a peep in his step as he jumps out of bed, your scent lingers on his body. He can’t control his thoughts about you. The simple fact that he can’t be there with you right now is driving him insane. All he wants to do is rub his hands over every single inch of you.

While he usually only goes to the market once a week, he has to go back. Going straight to your home would be too obvious; too weird. The day seems to drag on until it’s late in the afternoon. He showers and quickly gets dressed to rush to the store.

You’re physically at work, but mentally miles away. On the side of your neck is a thick layer of make-up, hiding the bite marks from last night. It’s been a slow day so it’s easy to get lost in thought. When you squat down to restock, you feel a stinging pain shoot through your vagina. You tore, badly. As your eyes stare off into the distance, you accidently place toilet paper in the wrong spot.

“Y/n, hey. What are you doing?” Your uncle comes up behind you, chuckling at your mistake.

“Oh, sorry.” You snap out of it and pull the product back onto the cart. “I’m just so out of it today.”

“Are you doing okay?”

Just as you’re about to answer, the sound of a door shutting outside the store catches your attention. You stand to look over, seeing König walking towards the front door. Frank leaves your side to go greet his friend. A disappointed huff leaves your lips; you really needed to speak to someone.

“König! Did you forget something?”

“Ja, I did.” König chuckles, his eyes instantly landing on you as you walk back to the cash register.

“Well, I’m always glad to have your money.” Frank jokes.

König laughs, his eyes still on you. You linger behind the cash register now, seemingly far away. Hopefully thinking about your night together. He hates the restrictions of human civilization, forcing him to simply smile and nod in your direction as he continues on into the store; stopping where he can watch you from a distance.

“Uncle Frank, can we keep talking?”

“Yup!” He walks back to you and leans against the counter.

“Can you please listen to me without judgment?” You whisper, but König can still hear you.

“Absolutely.”

“I know you said there are no wolves around here, but last night I think one bit me.”

“What? A wolf?” Frank says loudly.

“Shh!” You place your finger over your lips. “Please be quiet. Can you please stay with me? I don’t want to leave alone.”

“Sweety, there are no wolves around here. You only think it bit you? Maybe it was a German Shepherd? Farmer Paul has one that’s a real ass—”

“It wasn’t a dog. It was massive.”

Frank shifts his weight and grabs his keys from his front pocket before letting out a sigh. He knows that you’ve been through a lot lately, but he doesn’t know what to say to you right now. König walks forward and approaches the two of you.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but did you say that a dog attacked you?”

You can feel yourself blush, feeling as if he will think that you’re crazy too. “A wolf.”

“And there aren’t any around here.” Frank says.

“No, there aren’t.” König looks at you and the worry in your eyes. If only he could reassure you that you’re safe with him. “But there is no harm in being safe. I could stay here with you while you close up.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“It’s really not an issue. I have no plans.” König gives you a warm comforting smile.

“Thank you, König.” Frank pats his shoulder.

“Not a problem.”

The last twenty minutes of work pass by quickly for you. König turns out to be a very flirtatious man, his charming smile and hypnotizing blue eyes making the fear of last night’s incident slip far away in your mind. While he may be a bit older than you, you find yourself beginning to like him in an odd way.

“It’s getting dark.” König says, looking out of the window before looking back at you. His once bright blue eyes now darkened, turning a deep yellow. The change is coming, and you’re trapped in here with him.

“It is.” You say as your back is turned to him. “I just have to go grab my keys and I’m ready to…leave.” Your voice drifts off as you turn to see König taking deep breaths, his eyes now animalistic.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you today, Maus.” König’s voice has turned raspy as his teeth grow.

“Y- y—” Words escape you as panic takes over your body.

“Don’t be afraid, please.” König slightly hunched over as you watch in horror. Skin falls from his body, replaced by the thick dark fur you remember from last night. His hands grow long claws that scratch the wall as he tries to balance himself.

A blood curdling scream bursts from your lips as König lets out loud groans of pain. Without a second thought you quickly turn on your feet and rush towards the break room door. Your feet carry you across the floor, just able to get to the door and slam it shut. Your fingers shake as you lock the door and rush to your locker to grab your keys.

From the other side of the solid wood door, you hear a loud howl. The sound makes your stomach flip. You stand still, not moving as you listen for any movement. For some reason you thought that he would give up and go hunt, but you’re proven wrong when you hear a loud banging against the door.

“Open.” König hits the door again, impatient and not wanting to play any games.

 “König! Please stop!” Your voice shakes.

“Mine. Open now.”

The next hit cracks the door, your eyes dart to the small window a few feet off the ground. While you might not fit, it's your only way out at this point. You rush to the collapsible table and drag underneath the window; watching your step you climb up and unlock the window. It opens so you turn yourself to the side and start to pull yourself out.

König continues to bang on the door, ready to break in to get to you. He knows once he can get his teeth on your neck you will calm down for him. Just then he hears a thud. His ears perk up before he turns and runs out of the shop quickly. In the dark night he looks around, spotting you running towards your car. Last time was too close, this time he has to be faster.

You get yourself off of the floor quickly, running to your car. As you reach in your pocket for your key, you realize the keys feel when you dropped from the window. “Fuck!” You should as you turn back to grab them. Just as you do, König appears around the corner and just stares at you, breathing heavily. He stands on two feet and holds a hand out for you to accept.

König looks into your eyes. As much as you want to deny him, he knows that you’re attracted to his human form and he knows you enjoyed begin fucked like a wild animal. Yet, that silly human brain wants to reject what it doesn’t understand. You turn and run. He watches you for a few seconds as you take off across the open field before taking off after you.

In no time he is right behind you, jumping to knock you off of your feet. You both crash to the ground, but he quickly recovers and mounts your much smaller body under his. He sticks his wet nose in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent again. He grabs a fist full of your hair and turns your face towards his.

“Mine.” He growls as he sits you up.

You gaze up at him as he stands. He gets closer to you, letting his erect, leaking cock linger in front of your face. A part of you is disgusted by the sight and smell, wanting to turn away and turn. There is another part of you that just wants to reach out and grab it. A small gasp leaves your lips when he grabs your hair again and tilts your head back.

König steps forward and pushes your face into his groin. The strong smell of his musk consumes your nostrils as his long cock rests along your face, his balls pressing against your mouth. You try to shake your head back and forth, to pull away; but you can’t. He holds you there longer for every moment you struggle.

“Lick.”

You part your mouth slightly, letting the tip of your tongue pass back and forth. His sweaty skin is salty, but you find yourself enjoying it. Slowly open your mouth more and let out more of your tongue to lick over his heavy balls.

König looks down at you with a pleased feeling. You’re finally giving into what you know you desire. He pulls back, dragging his cock across your face and down your tongue. A small growl leaves him as he watches your pretty lips carefully wrap around the head of his cock and sucking lightly. His hips push forward, shoving more of his cock into your mouth.

Your hands shoot to his thighs as you gag from him shoving his cock in too far. Tears begin to pool in your eyes as you try to maintain your composure. The girth of his cock causes your jaw to tire quickly, but you don’t dare try to pull away. Thick globs of spit fall from your mouth and fall on to your shirt.

When he pulls back, you cough and gasp for air. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand as you pant. He watches you try to gather yourself, feeling proud of you for how well you’ve calmed down. His arms wrap around your body, lifting you up, and walking you into the woods so he can fuck you in his den.

[myeuphoricmindset]

Let me remind you

(middle photo credit: @eddiemunsons-missingnipple )

Paring | Eddie Munson x fem!blind reader

Summary | Reader is blind and Eddie is utterly obsessed with you, going out of his way to play you music and read to you. It’s simply a friendship, but he can’t stop himself from crossing the line.

Notes/tags | That’s correct, the reader is blind. I do not mean to write this in any way that would be insensitive; I just loved the idea of seeing Eddie care for someone who has a disability. The way he would be so sweet and go above and beyond. If this fic rubs anyone the wrong way or makes anyone uncomfortable, please let me know, and I’ll remove it. My intentions are pure. It’s a very sweet fic with the vibes of what it feels like to be young and in love. — No smut, but there is making out, and it feels very sensual. Also, cheesy AF.

I do switch back and forth with povs, don’t expect this to go by the writers rules.

— Oh, I listened to Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine while writing this. But what’s new? I always write Eddie fics to that song, even years later.

Word count | 2.1k

Eddie always met you outside. He waits on his porch, finishing his cigarette, and the moment he sees you approaching, he gets up quickly to close the distance, taking your hand to guide you to his place. He loves the excuse to touch you. He’s not greedy either; just your hand in his makes him secretly giddy. He’s focused on it the whole way to his room, even though he’s talking your ear off about a new song he wrote.

Nothing about this is new or different. Eddie inviting you over to play music and talk well into the night has become normal. A friendship that never crosses the line, but Jesus Christ, he thinks of crossing the line all the time. He wonders if your touch would feel different if it was reaching out with love instead of friendship. He doesn’t dare feed into his thoughts of how your kiss would feel and if his name would sound different if you moaned it into his ear.

He admires you as he strums his guitar, only half-focused on the song. By now he’s memorized every curve of your face and has counted every lash on your eyes. It feels wrong to stare, knowing he can’t be caught. Can you feel his gaze?

You’re lying in your usual spot on his bed, surrounded by his scent in the sheets. You try to hide the deep inhales you take as if it were the last time you’d be here. But, it’s not. You’ll be back tomorrow, as you always are.

He plays beautifully, and you try not to smile because he plays softer for you than he does during his shows. Is he nervous to scare you off? He never could.

“I love it,” you say as he finishes the song.

He smiles, and you know because it’s laced with his voice, “You do?”

The sound of his guitar being placed on the wall mount is familiar, followed by the radio on his dresser being turned on. It’s only for background noise. Eddie hates silence, and you can’t help but wonder if he just doesn’t like to sit with his thoughts.

You both lie on his bed in deep conversation with no sense of time. Eddie lazily plays with small strands of your hair with the hand draped behind his head. Does he realize that you notice every time he does it? It makes your stomach flutter.

“Read to me?” you ask as you shift onto your stomach, feet rising up behind you.

Eddie takes a moment to speak, but you hear his breath hitch, and when he does speak, his breath is warm against your face. He shouldn’t be surprised by your question as he reads to you every night, but maybe it’s the way you’re closer to him than before.

Your bodies aren’t touching, but there is a sense of intimacy with the way he’s lying on his back, most likely looking up at you, and the way you’re on your stomach, nearly looming over him.

Unsure if he’s uncomfortable by the way his breathing becomes uneven, you reach over to the nightstand and grab your water, trying to make it seem like you’re giving him a little space. When you return to your position, you’re a few inches away from him.

You realize you were wrong about him feeling uncomfortable because when Eddie grabs The Return of the King off his dresser, he returns to the bed even closer than before.

His arm touches yours as he lies back on the bed, and you can’t take your mind off of it. It gently moves against yours as he turns the page.

“Now, where were we?” he says as the sound of pages turning fills the room. “Aha, here it is.” His smile is audible in his words. “You’ll like this part.”

Eddie begins to read. His voice is like honey, sweet and soothing to your ears. He makes you giggle occasionally with his exaggerated voices for certain characters. His laughter matches your own, and even though he’s read this book a hundred times, it feels like he’s experiencing it for the first time with you.

As he continues, there’s a subtle change in his tone that you can’t quite place until you listen closely to the words. Two characters in the book kiss, and the way Eddie reads the description makes your stomach flutter more than the romance he’s narrating. You feel your cheeks heat up and lower your head to your arms to hide it.

Eddie chuckles softly, saying your name, “Are you blushing?”

“No!”

You bury your face deeper into your arms, breathing in his scent from the sheets. You would give anything to sink into the mattress, completely enveloped by his smell.

He calls your name again, clearly amused by your reaction. His fingers find your sides and he starts tickling you, forcing you out of hiding. You burst into laughter, trying to grab his hands to push him away, but your laughter only encourages him.

“Look at you. You’re so red you might pop,” he teases, continuing to tickle you.

“Stop,” you manage to say between fits of laughter.

You struggle to fight back, and Eddie laughs at your attempts. Your stomach begins to hurt from the laughter, your breathing becomes ragged, and your hair covers your face from the tussle.

Both of you finally give up, gasping for air. Eddie plops down beside you, the weight of his body next to yours so familiar that you long for it when you’re alone in your own bed.

“I’ve never seen you blush that hard before,” he says, amused.

You can feel his stare, which only makes you blush more. “Can you stop?” you groan, playfully shoving his arm.

“Stop what?”

“Staring at me. I can feel it.”

He scoffs, “I’m not staring at you.”

You sit up and demand his bandana. He protests in confusion, but once he understands, he relents. Sitting up directly in front of you, you lift your chin with a sense of victory.

“Because I don’t believe you, this is what I must do.”

Eddie lets out a sigh, pretending to be exasperated though he’s smiling like a fool. “If this pleases you.”

You ignore the flutter in your stomach at his words. Reaching out, your fingertips touch the corner of his mouth, feeling it curve up against your touch. His face is smooth, and you take advantage of the moment to trace your fingers across it, finding their way to his hair. He remains silent, but his breathing is slightly heavier—something only you would notice.

His hair is soft, and you resist the urge to twirl his curls around your finger. Instead, you wrap the bandana around his eyes and tie it tightly behind his head.

“Oh,” he says with surprise, followed by a chuckle. “A little tight, huh?”

“Can’t have you peeking.”

“Don’t you trust me?” he asks.

Your hands drop into your lap as you smile. “Mm, I’m still deciding.”

But that was a lie. You trusted him more than you cared to admit. There were many people you trusted to be alone with, but as you’ve spent time with him, he’s proven that you’re safe with him. The best feeling is being completely vulnerable and knowing without a doubt that the person you count on with your vulnerability handles it with care.

“So, this is what it’s like for you?” he asks softly.

“Something like that.”

The room is silent, the radio off since before he started reading the book you’ve both abandoned. The only sounds are his breathing and the soft hum of the air conditioning. But you notice the parting of his lips and the sudden, yet soft, intake of breath as if he were going to say something but decided not to.

“What is it?” you ask.

He clears his throat as if caught and takes a breath. “Can you…touch me?” You’re nearly taken back by that until he speaks up in a rushed sentence. “Uh, sorry, I —uh, I mean, my arm or face. Show me how it feels for you.”

Your heart warms at his request. And you gladly give him what he wants. Your fingers meet his face again and you admire all the softness. You trace the lines and curves, imagining if he’s as beautiful as he feels. Eddie sits there still for a while, softly breathing.

Then his hands grasp your wrists and lower them to your lap. “My turn,” he says as his fingers begin to move up your arms. Goosebumps break out over your skin, and you try your best to control your breathing, knowing he can hear if it catches in your throat.

His calloused fingers brush against your soft skin, but you don’t mind. One hand drops from your arm and takes hold of one of your hands. You fight back a smile, knowing his fingers tracing your features are close enough to feel your reaction. His hand cups your cheek, his thumb gently brushing against your cheekbone. It feels incredibly intimate, just the sound of his breathing matching yours as time seems to slow.

He breaks the silence. “You’re so beautiful.”

A smile breaks out on your face. “You can’t even see me.”

“I don’t need to. I know exactly what you look like.” His tone is serious yet soft, almost as if he’s in deep thought.

He lets go of your hand and cups your other cheek. Your face fits perfectly between his warm hands.

“Eddie…” you say, wanting to ask what he’s doing, what he’s thinking. But your words fall short as you feel his thumb brush over your bottom lip.

“Tell me you feel this.”

He doesn’t mean his gentle touch on your lips, and you know that. The electrical current between you two could light up Hawkins. He grabs one of your hands and brings it to his chest. Your breath catches at the feeling of his heart thumping wildly against your palm. It’s so strong that you think it might burst out of his chest and right into your hands.

“Yes,” you answer him.

“Tell me I can kiss you.”

Your stomach flutters so fast that you feel like you could float away. “Yes.”

There is a moment of stillness in the room, time frozen. The sound of you both breathing dulls out and you lose feeling in your cheeks at his touch as you await his lips on yours.

He’s so gentle and slow. His lips meet yours and you welcome it, nearly melting into him. The kisses are soft and lazy, as if you both are drunk off each other. Your hands are in his hair and he moans at the feeling. Heat forms in your lower belly and you can’t help yourself when you crawl into his lap.

“Yes,” he breathes as he welcomes you into his embrace. His arms wrapping tightly around your back, rubbing his hands up and down your back while still kissing you.

His tongue brushes your lower lip and you open your mouth to taste him. He’s perfect. He’s all you feel and taste, nearly drowning in him. His bandana is still tightly secured around his eyes and you wonder if he’s consumed by you as well.

Eddie starts kissing your neck and your head drops to the side in pleasure. His hand wraps around your head, keeping you in place as he begins to suck softly in the right spot. You moan and you feel his smile against your skin.

“There it is,” he mumbles, before finding your lips again. “Everything about you is so fucking perfect.”

“Stop.” You mutter against his kiss, fighting back a smile. Your cheeks turn hot and you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

His arms tighten around you and you sink further into his arms. You both stay like that for a few minutes, resting in each other's arms. You feel him inhale you deeply before he starts stroking your hair.

“You may not realize how beautiful you are,” he says as he begins to play with your hair. “But, I don’t mind reminding you every day.”

“Would you?” You whisper.

“I’ll take your hand, tell you in great detail about the world around us while reminding you how it doesn’t even compare to you.” He kisses your shoulder. “Not even close.”

The smile that spreads across your face is almost painful. “You have such a way with words.”

He takes your face in his hands, “I do write songs, sweetheart.”

With that, he kisses you with such passion that you fall back onto the mattress, giggles spilling from your lips as Eddie turns your darkness into light.

[strawburry01]

Ain't No Love in Oklahoma

Summary: Tornado wrangler Tyler Owens and his crew find themselves on your farm as a tornado touches down

2.2 k words, nothing crazy.

“What a view,” Tyler mused as he looked out at the great country landscape unfolding below him. Oklahoma wasn’t known for hills or anything that really detracted from its flat-ness, so finding a spot like this where someone could see a far distance out into the expanse was rare. For storm chasing- it was a downright game changer. Like now, him and his motley crue of chasers there was a dark gray cloud formation starting to look interesting to the north. 

“Dude this is so great. The thumbnails are going to go crazy if we can see one from here,” Boone agreed next to him, already swinging his iPad side to side to try and get it all. The crew of them had just been driving when they saw a break in the fence letting them get closer. Sure it might have been trespassing but who was going to care about them all the way out here? 

There was a loud crack that split the silence and the ground next to Tyler sent mud flying into his pant leg. He quickly turned. 

Jesus. 

You sat perched on top of a brown horse, a few yards away, shotgun balancing on your hip. A wide white cowboy hat on your head covered your features, but he was equally turned on and terrified at the same time.

“Y’all got 30 seconds to start moving or the next shot won’t be as friendly,” you called out from your horse. You could see the tallest man chuckle and say something to the shorter one next to him before turning and leisurely jogging to you. What thoughts were running through his head to convince him running towards a woman with a shotgun was a good idea?

“Afternoon ma’am! Pardon my crew and I, but I feel like we’ve started on the wrong foot,” he said as he got closer. He looked straight out of a magazine cover. Chiseled face, scruff, blonde hair peeking out from his cowboy hat, with a red button down that was one button too unbuttoned. You did feel a pang of guilt for almost hitting him.

“Perhaps we did. I just don’t take kindly to trespassers on my property,” you said, swinging your horse to the side so you could face him better. Tyler rubbed his neck. Ah shit.

“That’s my bad ma’am- see we’re storm chasers, we’re always trying to find an edge to get ahead of the next storm or tornado,” he said, gesturing to the darkening sky. You slowly nodded. “My name’s Tyler Owens, you might’ve heard of me on Twitch,” he added with a charming smile as he held his hand up for a handshake. You slowly shook his hand, taking in the weird man.

“My name’s Y/N. What the hell is a Twitch?” you asked after letting go. He opened his mouth to try and explain, but decided it was fruitless. 

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you miss Y/N. Apologies again for stepping into your land, but we’ve got the looks of an EF-4 starting out there on the horizon and damn it’s going to be a good one,” he said, turning back to the crew and the sky. 

“Hate to tell you Tyler but we don’t get tornadoes out here. It’s been years,” you said with a nod, but following his eyes to the sky, leaning closer to your horse and patting his neck whether for your own anxiety or his. As if on cue, a rumble of thunder rolled overhead which caused your horse to whinny. 

“Global warming Y/N. Spots in Oklahoma that have never gotten hit before are getting struck. It’s up to you, but-” he said as he turned back, the clouds getting lower, “I’d get low,”. Rain started to fall in big drops as you tried to think.

“I’ve got animals Tyler, I can’t handle losing this farm,” you said as you chewed your bottom lip. 

“My crew will help. Before we head out,” he said instantly as he started waving to his crew. 

“IT’S COMING TYLER!” Boone shouted, waving the iPad above his head, “IT’S A BIG ONE!”. Another roll of thunder went overhead and your horse brayed again, getting antsy. Okay maybe these strangers had a point. Seeing their suped up trucks and RV showed that they either had way too much money and free-time or they could actually be trusted when it came to this stuff. Fuck it don’t be stupid.

“Get on, I have to get the cows, but you’ll tell me if it gets closer alright?” you stammered over the rain, holding out your hand to Tyler, “tell your guys to head straight for 5 minutes, there’ll be a barn and a house,”. Tyler nodded and relayed the message to Boone as he slowed the truck down passing you. Boone passed a walkie talkie out to Tyler with a nod, and waved politely to you.

“Don’t you worry ma’am you’ve got the best on your side!” he chirped, before peeling out on the truck sending a wave of mud behind him and leaving a large dent in the ground. Best? Tyler sucked air in through his teeth and sheepishly turned back to you. Before you could try to help him up he was already behind you. Obviously not his first time getting on a horse which did catch you off guard. You slung your shotgun over your back as you started heading back to the house. You felt Tyler move closer to you, gripping his hands onto your sides as your tightened your grip on the reins trying not to overthink this. Dammit you can be horny when this is over, not when a tornado is about to come through. It had been a while since any man had been so chivalrous or intriguing to you. The rain started coming down harder, making it tough to see, which only increased the worry in your stomach as you reached the cows. 

“I’m gonna open the gate, you stay here!” you shouted to Tyler as you jumped down into the muddy grass, before hauling your ass to the wooden gate where the cows were already anxiously pacing by. You unlatched it and swung it open before jumping back onto the horse to start cornering the animals back to the barn. Luckily you only had a handful of cows this season, but it was still tough enough. You shouted over the rain to keep the cows moving and Tyler started doing the same. He turned his head and held a hand up to his forehead to try and get a better view.

“Y/N I don’t mean to alarm you, but I believe there’s been landfall,” he said, breathing close to your ear. You wanted to turn and check, but you also knew your job right now was keeping these animals safe. 

“Just tell me if we’re in danger Tyler,” you shouted back, willing your horse to move faster. By the time you got to the barn a few minutes later the rain had turned into hail. You slid off your horse as you tried to unlock your barn gate, but the adrenaline and water made it hard. Tyler appeared next to you and gently tried his own hand at unlocking the door. 

“The lock is 5999!” you shouted, the small number lock keeping the bigger doors shut. You mentally cursed this decision to have it locked at all. Tyler finally got the lock loose and threw the door open. You started pushing and shouting the cows to get inside, where the sides were already shuttering. Tyler grabbed your horse’s reins and brought him inside as well before he ran off in the chaos.

“Is that it?” Tyler asked in the doorway, wind whipping his shirt. You wiped your hands on your jeans to try to focus and dry off before nodding. Tyler suddenly grabbed the shoulders and faced you in the doorway.

“It’s going to be okay Y/N,” he said, locking eyes with you, “we have to get underground now though,”. You nodded furtively, going back to real life and focusing on the task at hand. Tornado, stay alive. You threw the barn door shut and locked it before grabbing Tyler’s hand and pulling him towards the house. The wind whipped against your face and caused your hat to fly off. 

“Shit!” you screamed as you watched it get blown away in the blink of an eye.

“Come on!” Tyler shouted back, pulling you forward again towards the house. Boone was on the porch holding the door open shouting at the two of you to get in. 

You two jumped into the house before Boone slammed the door shut behind you. You wanted to lay down and curl up right there, but Tyler’s crew were all trying to ask you if you had a basement or somewhere to hide or somewhere to keep down. Tyler placed his hand on the small of your back to try and help. “Hey guys one at a time alright,” he said, quieting the group. 

“There’s a basement, it’s not much and I don’t know if it’s storm-proof and all that but-” you said as you moved to lift up the small door that was in the corner of the kitchen. There was a dark staircase downstairs and you shouted for everyone to get in. You screamed as the kitchen window bursted in, letting rain and hail into the house. Tyler grabbed your waist and dragged you down into the basement, door slamming shut behind you both. Everyone was huddled in the corner, light illuminating from their phones as they watched the storm overhead, continuing to chatter.

You slumped against the wall and finally took a breath. You felt the presence of someone slide beside you. 

“How you feeling?” Tyler asked. 

“Tired. I don’t know how you do this for a living,” you laughed as you looked up at him, laying your head on his shoulder. 

“I’m not sure how I do it either all the time,” he sighed, “being able to help people feels good though. Knowing that the more we understand these things the safer the future can be,” he continued.

“Noble,” you remarked.

“When Boone isn’t recording all of it at least,” he chuckled looking over at Boone who was sure enough recording it all on his phone.

“So you’ve got fans?” you asked.

“Lots. Well, okay a fair amount? A million? Saying that to you makes it feel kind of stupid though,” he said.

“What do you mean?” you said, “a million is a lot of people watching you, that’s crazy,”.

“It’s nice and all, but damn. You have it all out here. Alone. Not needing a million people watching you. Just seems nice,” he explained, placing a hand on your knee as he waved his hand during his explanation.

“Lonely though. I bet you’re never lonely,” you murmured. He shrugged.

“I have friends, it's hard to keep a lover with this lifestyle though,” he said absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I can relate to that,” you said softly, “uhm, if we get out of this tornado thing, I’ll give you my number,” you quickly said, before hiding your face into your shoulder. Ugh what were you a high schooler? You felt his chest rise as he laughed.

“You’re cute Y/N, and I’d love to see your farm under less stormy conditions,” he grinned. Your chest fluttered. 

“I’d love to show you it,” you nodded. The two of you kept chatting as the storm went on for another 30 or so minutes. Luckily the basement did a sufficient job of keeping everyone safe, but you couldn’t help but think of the barn and the rest of the house upstairs. You talked about your time growing up in Oklahoma and Arkansas. About how he went to school for meteorology, and how you dropped out of OK State to take care of the property, but you had really wanted to go back later.

“Seems safe guys!” Boone said as he stood up and kicked open the door. The kitchen was still there, and so was the house. You checked out the window, and breathed a sigh of relief to see the barn was still there.

“Cut right through- spared your stuff by like 50 yards!” Tyler said, relieved. Seemed like the best case scenario here happening. You helped his crew get set up to head back out and slowly lead the cows back out to their slightly damaged pasture. 

Tyler stepped into his truck and rolled down the window. You stepped up onto the running board of the truck to get closer. You handed Tyler a post it note with your number scrawled onto it.

“Like I promised,” you said with a smile. Tyler grinned and stuck it to the computer screen in the middle console. He took off his cowboy hat and put it on your head.

“Since you lost yours. I’ll be back for it though,” he said as he moved your hair behind your ear. 

“Alright tornado cowboy,” you smiled as you stepped down.

“It’s tornado wrangler actually,” he noted before blowing you a kiss and rolling up his window. 

It was a few hours later when you were finally making dinner when your phone buzzed. 

Hey Y/N, hope you’re doing well. Sitting at a motel. Wondering what you’re doing.

AN: let me know if anyone wants a one-off of you trying to get divorce papers to your insane storm chaser husband in the middle of the midwest ->(https://www.tumblr.com/strawburry01/756685031316062208/all-yourn-summary-you-visit-your-husband-tyler)

[6thscara]

How to Deal With a Jealous Partner? [oneshot]

✭ Scaramouche x Reader

ׂ╰┈➤ scaramouche is bad at feelings / jealousy issues / scaramouche is called Wanderer

.ೃ࿐ synopsis ; Wanderer is jealous of you spending more time with others, so you talk it out together 😿.

1,216 words

——————

i’m sleepy i’m tired i’m htting the hay after this

i haven’t posted in like two months but i basically just write when i’m inconvenienced so

also no beta…

——————

Wanderer’s past has led him to become a jealous person. And jealousy is something that he’s never learned to deal with. Which didn’t help the fact that you’ve been spending a bit more time with others— not leaving much for him.

As a result, he’s been trying to distance himself a bit more. He would divert his attention away from you, trying to shrug off conversations. Like he was trying to leave you before you left him.

But now, it was time to talk. You’re sitting down on your bed with your lover beside you. A dim light illuminates your bedroom, a space of comfort that Wanderer has become well aquatinted with.

His stare shows an irregular expression of vulnerability as he tries to maintain eye contact. Still, the piercing indigo hues show his possessiveness.

It’s also evident in the way he grips your wrist, fingers almost digging into the skin as if you’ll walk away. Of course, you won’t, which you try to tell him through a soft gaze.

He isn’t sure what to make of it— or what to do. It’s new for him. He isn’t used to being reassured like this, to be mannered with so gently.

That’s why he hates it when all he can do is tighten his hold. It hurts a bit.

“Wanderer, please,” you whisper, placing your other hand atop his as if to coax him off. He lets out a quiet breath, taking a second to loosen his grip on your wrist. Carefully, he rubs your skin, most likely as a silent apology for any hurt.

You give him a faint smile, opting to hold his hand instead. An expression of unfamiliarity appears on his face, but he tries not to show it.

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong, how you’re feeling, I’m listening.” You say in the kindest voice you can manage. You know he was jealous because of you spending a lot of time with others lately, but you wanted to hear it from him— everything he felt.

After a breath, he looks at you sternly, and grumbles, “I don’t like what you’ve been doing recently.”

You look at him, asking for more. He sighs.

“You’ve been spending most of your time with others, and not me.” Wanderer adds on shyly.

He looks upset, which you assume is because he doesn’t enjoy being vulnerable like this. He hates it— as if his ego is being crushed.

“I understand,” you tell him. You would’ve been jealous, too. There were times where you were, but they’ve been buried sufficiently.

However, it was time to talk through these problems. You knew from the start that being with someone like the Wanderer would be a bit difficult, but you didn’t mind. He has your utmost devotion, as you have his. There was no doubt that you would do everything to make this work.

Your chest feels heavy as you decide what to say. You think carefully, because this moment was a stepping stone for the both of you.

Although you feel a lot of pressure, you knew you had to speak honestly and from the heart, while also being smart about it.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, I get it.” You smile, adding a teasing hint to your voice to lighten the mood. The atmosphere felt a bit suffocating, but you wanted it to be comfortable. After all, talking like this should be normal, right?

Wanderer huffs, scowling at you playfully. He squeezes your hand while you admire how pretty he looks with his face slightly flushed.

“You sure sound to know a lot,” he scoffs.

“I want to make this work! I’m trying…” You tell him, feeling a bit embarrassed now, too.

He lets out a small laugh, looking at you directly. You then continue with your words,

“I still value time with you the most,” you say, “I just also have other people that I care about.” Once you say that, you notice his expression frown a bit. Yet, both of you know it’s necessary to get through.

“So please, don’t try to avoid me anymore because of your jealousy. That’ll make chasing you hurt me more.”

Wanderer slightly opens his mouth before hesitantly speaking, “I know.”

“…I don’t want you to leave.” He pauses.

“The thought of you leaving me for someone else is—… it sounds simply unbearable.”

His words surprise you— it was hard for him to say such things, and you figured it would be a while more until you got to hear him speak so truthfully. Though, you’re glad that he’s comfortable enough to talk.

“I do trust you… I just can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

Once he says he trusts you, a surge of emotions runs through your body. It causes a gentle smile to emerge along with heat on your cheeks.

He turns his head down, avoiding your eyes. A tender expression makes its way onto your face as your free hand moves to his cheek. His skin feels warm and soft, bringing you comfort.

He squeezes your hand a bit, much more gentler than earlier.

Trust is important— you knew it would be a key to many obstacles. And more than anything, you wanted to be a safe place for him.

You guide his head back up to look at you, and opt to quickly but sweetly kiss his cheek. He doesn’t want to show it, but it makes him feel relieved.

“Don’t think I’ll ever leave you, because I won’t.” You begin, “I’m staying with you forever. You’re the only one for me, Wanderer. I’ll always choose to be with you.”

Heat reaches your palm coming from the skin of his cheek, and you hope your words were alright. He pauses again for a moment.

“…I’ll try to stop being so possessive.” He responds.

“I do want you to be free, and to spend time with others without worry. But I’m not going to lose you,” Wanderer finishes sternly.

For a moment, he runs his hand up to feel yours on his cheek, then slowly glides over your fingers. He lets out a breath as his eyes pierce yours.

“…How about we spend some time together tomorrow? Just the two of us, we can do whatever you’d like.” You suggest, working through the situation.

He nods slowly. “I’ll try to think of something to do.”

“…As long as you’re beside me, I can’t think of anything else that would make it better.” He finishes with a grumble, eyes flickering around the room while his cheeks redden.

Sweet words from Wanderer were rare, but when they came, you appreciated it more than anything. He still has trouble at times, but everything is a process.

You squeeze his cheek a bit, letting out a small giggle when he scowls.

In one motion, you push him down to the bed and hug him. His arms wrap around you as well, allowing the both of you to bask in each other’s affection.

When you cuddle a bit closer, he doesn’t shy away— he buries his head along your collarbone, listening to your heartbeat. A sound he’s grown fond of.

Although there were still many obstacles to get through together, you were both happy to figure everything out with time.

—————

eugh sorry to my 3 followers this sucks but i dont wanna edit i just wanna post and i can’t reallt deliver anything good but i do still have that hanahaki au draft

anyways time to sleep bai ily whoevers reading this

[finelinevogue]

brat

summary - you’re being a brat but there’s a valid reason

pairing - longterm-ceo-boyfriend!harry x reader

word count - +1.5k

Harry grabbed on your arm, leading out of the packed kitchen and down a corridor.

It wasn’t until he had pushed you both into the bathroom and locked the door that you shrugged his hand off of you and huffed at him.

“You going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

The way he looked in his black shirt with his tanned arms was making it really difficult for you to concentrate on being mad - well, more jealous than anything.

“Don’t wanna talk.”

“Oh you don’t? Well tough.”

You huffed again, crossing your own arms to match his stance.

It was now a stand-off between who would cave first. Harry knew it would be him, since you were so defiant, so he cracked immediately instead of prolonging this.

“Y/N, you’ve been a right brat all evening. What the hell is going on?”

“Oh, so, because I’m behaving like a brat suddenly means you hate me?” You scoffed.

“Hate you— what?”

“Don���t act like you don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?” Harry threw his hands up in the air, before they fell down to his sides.

You had to gulp back the stone feeing at the back of your throat. This wasn’t a situation that you felt justified getting upset over, but it was getting close to it.

“I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“Well we sure as hell aren’t leaving until you’ve talked to me.” Harry said sternly, clearly getting frustrated with your mood.

“Harry, I’ve told you…”

“Yes and I would like to know what’s wrong, please.”

“I don’t…”

“Y/N!”

“Do you love me?” You cut him off before he could get any more shots in.

“W-what? Of course I love you.” Harry’s facial expression showed he was really confused as he took a step towards you slowly.

“Okay.” You nodded your head tightly.

“Okay? What does that mean? What just happened?”

You looked at Harry as he stepped closer again. You slowly started shaking your head, the tears starting to fall from your eyes and down your cheeks.

“Sweetheart?”

Harry tried to step towards you, but you held out your arm so he couldn’t close the distance. You allowed yourself to sob then, holding a hand over your mouth to conceal the noise.

You shut your eyes and turned slightly away from Harry so he didn’t have to see you, but also because you were really embarrassed all of a sudden.

As if the timing couldn’t have gotten any worse, someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“Hey! I need the toilet, open up!” It was a girl - kind of sounded like Sadie.

“Occupied!” Harry shouted back, not taking his eyes off you.

Whoever it was on the other-side loudly groaned before stomping away with force.

There was more than one bathroom in this house so you didn’t feel entirely bad for taking up this one.

“Hey, c’mon now.” Harry urged you to let him hold you.

You only grew smaller, backing yourself into a corner that you couldn’t escape from. Your sobs kept coming and the tears melted away the mascara you’d spent a lot of time on this morning.

“Y/N/N, baby, you’re breaking my heart.” Harry said sadly, watching you cave in on yourself, “M’sorry for pushing you to talk. I won’t push you again. I just hate to see you so worked up about something I don’t know.”

Your hand slowly lowered its guard and you looked at him carefully looking at you.

You instantly ran to him, locking your arms around his waist and letting the tears fall onto his chest and shirt. At least the leaking mascara blended in.

“There’s my best girl.” Harry said, wasting no time in rubbing a soothing hand up and down your back.

The other hand cupped the back of your head, so you felt less exposed and more protected against him. He knew you liked to be held like this - especially when you were like this.

“I’m sorry.”

“Can’t accept your apology if I don’t know what it’s before, my love.”

“I’m just sorry.” You hiccuped, keeping your arms tight around him. “Sorry for being a bitch. Sorry for causing a fuss. Sorry for ruining your evening. I’m just so sorry.”

“Still not accepting the apology, because none of that is true. You’ve not ruined anything and you’re not a bitch, baby. You’re my sweet girl and I love you.”

He kissed the top of your head and it only made you latch onto him tighter.

You held onto him and him to you for a while.

“I was a brat though.” You managed to let out a small chuckle.

“You were, but I’m okay with that. But only if you communicate with me why, you know that.”

“I know.”

Harry took charge and cupped his hands onto your thighs to scoop you up, before immediately placing you down on the bathroom counter.

Now you were closer in height to him and he wasn’t intimidatingly taller than you - especially when you were feeling vulnerable.

You matched him.

“My sweet girl.” He smiled at you, using his thumb to wipe away the smudged mascara.

“Bet I look crazy. Like a deranged ex-girlfriend.”

Harry frowned at that, making you question why.

“Don’t like the thought of you ever being my ex.”

Harry focused on clearing your makeup, but stopped when he noticed you’d taken a sad look on your face again with your tears welling up.

He titled your face up and looked at you with concern. “Do.. do you want to breakup? Is that why—.”

“God no!” You rushed out, licking your lips clear of the salty tears, “Never, please.”

“Never.” Harry agreed.

“But that is why I was upset.” You pouted, trying your best not to start crying again as you began to explain to Harry the issue.

Harry just nodded, letting you take your time. Letting you know that he was here and he wasn’t going anywhere until you were ready.

“I saw you talking with Sadie and Rachel - you know, those two pretty blondes - and… God it sounds so shallow saying it out loud…” You had to choke back c a sob from erupting.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Harry kissed your forehead in encouragement.

“I was so fucking jealous, Harry. I felt genuinely crazy. I mean, you look so good and I know that hasn’t got anything to do with the situation but I think seeing you with those young, and beautiful, girls just got me really insecure. This is nothing to do with you, like you constantly show me love and in that situation you never even gave me a reason to be concerned about anything, yet my stupid…” You let out a teary cry, “My stupid fucking head was telling me that you would leave me for someone better. Someone like them.”

You let out a few more cries, reaching for a tissue to blow your nose.

“That sounded so pathetic, but I just got so in my head about it that I went a little overly bratty about it.”

“It’s not pathetic.” Harry started by saying.

You gave him a look.

“It’s not!” He urged.

“H, honey…”

“Baby. I would never think you feeling this way would be pathetic. It’s how you feel - I’m not going to shame you for that. That would make me a pathetic human being. Okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Thank you for telling me how you felt. I’m sorry that you felt that way - no, listen - I know you don’t want my apology but let me just tell you anyways. I can’t pretend I understand how you felt in that moment, but sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed and jealous when I see you with other people too.”

“Really?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

“I would never. I wouldn’t, Harry…”

“I know, baby. Just like I know I would never do that to you.”

You nodded.

“Think maybe we need to talk this through in more detail, but do you want to go home first?”

“Yes, please.” You nodded.

“Always my most polite girl.” Harry smiled, giving you a kiss on the lips that felt like a sweet rewards. “Before we go, though, I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you even more.”

“I love you even when I’m a crazy brat.”

“I love you when you’re a brat, too.” He kissed you then. “My brat.”

[whorediaries-09]

imagine eldest daughter!reader not being able to love anyone and flinch whenever someone touches her, and remus being the only person that can touch her and stay with her while she wants to be alone

oh wow. did u really have to...call me out like that?

archer;

pairing- remus lupin x reader warning(s)- hurt/comfort, details of child abuse, touch sensitivity. (let me know if should add more) a/n- i really went ✨self - indulgent ✨ on this one.

ps- the beginning is from the movie 'five feet apart'. it's a really good one, make sure to check it out.

little train

' i've been the archer, i've been the prey.'

touch. the first form of communication. it began with a soft caress of the finger. or the brush of lips on cheeks. it connects one in the times of happiness, bolsters one in the time of fear and excites one in times of passion and love.

to be touched, was to communicate the feeling of security, the feeling of safety and comfort. but to understand the importance of touch, was different, was difficult. to need the touch from the one you loved was as important as the air needed to breathe.

and you understood it's importance, the need when you had none. perhaps it was because you didn't feel the security, the feeling of being safe when you were being touched. even a simple hug or a handshake could set off ringing bells in your head.

it reminded you of the time when your mother would slap down her hands on your back for a small mishap like spilling the juice on the floor. or burn her cigarettes onto your skin, punishing you for wasting the juice and make you clean up.

'you stupid bitch! i don't have enough fucking money for you to spill juice all over the stupid floor!' she'd scream, boxing your ears. she'd pull you by your ears, taking a ladle and letting the wooden handle rain on your back, make you understand the consequences of your mistake.

'please don't cry angel, she'll beat you again,' your father would comfort you, rubbing a cool soothing balm on your burning wounds. you'd cry into the safety of his arms, his callous and rough palms soothing you. his voice was deep and warm, and he'd hold your face close to his chest to let you cry, so your voice was as muffled as possible. the tears would stick on your face and you blacked out, the exhaustion so deeply rooted within your body. you'd fall asleep in his arms.

because the monsters were gone, and your dad was home.

it was difficult to make friends within the community of witches and wizards. where everyone had their own fears but they had mastered the facade of pretend, to hide behind their smiles. and even in this difficult time, when the war was at large, people still found a way to sneak in a ray of hope and happiness into their life.

they appreciated the hugs and kisses. they never knew when they'd lose it. so you watched from a distance as ron weasley was smothered in kisses by molly weasley. and even though he puckered up his face, by his calm stature, you knew he enjoyed it. he liked it and appreciated it.

but oh how you hated it. you hated the fact that you'd have to stand different, reflect within the clouds of happy cheerful faces. perhaps it was you who was in the wrong. you hated the fact that you flinched when somebody tried to touch you. you wanted to feel the same comfort the others felt when they were touched.

'want another drink?' hermione asked, grabbing your attention from the overwhelming scene that played out in front of you. mrs. weasley going around and distributing gifts amongst the children. hermione had been scratching a purring crookshank's ears. your eyes darted down on your lap, where your finger circled around the rim of the empty cup.

'no thanks,' you smiled.

'you must try the eggnog! sirius is the best at making it!' harry said, a proud smile on his face. sirius threw his arm around his shoulders.

'it's fine harry, i'm sure you've never tried other variations of eggnog, if you find mine to be the best,'

'it'll always be the best to me, sirius,' harry said. sirius let out his usual bark like laughter, his gray eyes full of a raw emotion. in harry's eyes, he saw himself to be the father figure he never had.

'you flatter, me harry james potter, you really do.'

'he's not flattering you sirius, you know your way around the kitchen.' remus said, walking through the door. he set down his battered coat onto the chair. with a loud creak, he pulled it out his chair.

you noticed the aging lines around his eyes and lips. his usually pale skin was red. you assumed it was due to the lack of a muffler and the cold gusts of wind that blew outside. he tried to warm himself up by blowing air within the crevice of his palms and rubbing them together. when he noticed you staring at him, he smiled at you.

'merry christmas,' he whispered. his voice was deep and rich, a beautiful vibrato from the depth of his throat. you gulped slowly, watching as the redness from his face slowly faded as he gave you a warm smile. you felt your heart drown in an inexplainable cozy feeling. you smiled back, toasting the air with your empty glass.

'merry christmas,'

*-

the marks on your skin were evident. to be best described, they were like crescent moons staining your skin. the cause, however was not as pretty as the description.

to be wearing full sleeves on a hot summer day was exhausting and itchy, but it was the only solution to hide the burns from the time when your mother had decided to use you as her ashtray. the abuse had been settling upon you. your mother had been growing sicker as each day passed by.

and grief was a weird thing. you wanted to be sad that your mother was sick, and as each day passed, the days of her life were coming to and end. the woman that birthed you, that cared for you- that threw you into an emotional turmoil when your brother was born was dying.

you didn't feel grief, but neither did you feel happy. you were numb, trying to escape the coddling fumes of the tremendous torture you'd been through. to try and be the best role model for your brother.

to try and not keep a corpse in the cradle.

and again, in the realms of your plethora of emotions, you were numb. you didn't feel the pain when you jumped in front of the curse that was thrown at sirius, dodging him away from the soul trapping veil. it was like a white hot curse that burned through your skin and your mother's voice echoed in your brain.

your eyes closed, and while you could still hear your heart beating and the obnoxious screams, you let the darkness succumb you into a madness of sereness. perhaps you'd meet your mother again. perhaps you'll ask her if she ever loved you. perhaps, you'd asked her why she'd have to make you adore her with her hands around your neck.

perhaps you'd ask her the reason she set fire to the rain.

so, when your senses start numbing and you feel yourself falling on the cold hard ground with your head bursting open, you let the blood flow. you don't dream of the warm, calloused hands tending to your wounds and buying you ice cream to allow your mood to lighten. you don't dream about the monsters who were gone when your dad was home. perhaps you'd meet your dad when the world succumbs.

*-

the moonlight filtered through sheer curtains, falling on your face. the sheets underneath you were warm and cozy, pulling you into a beautiful haze of sleep. your eyelids were heavy when you opened them, and you slowly tried to move around, searching for recognition of the place.

you could only recognize the slumped up man sitting within the folds of his jacket. his hands were wrapped around a folded newspaper. his mouth was open slightly, and through the lens of your groggy drowsiness, you could see the lines on his chapped lips, the wrinkles around his eyes. his spectacles dangled off the edge of his nose.

slowly, under the sheets, you wriggled your toes to feel your body. you suddenly felt as if you were on fire. as if somebody had slayed you alive. you were laying down, for once, and not escaping the endless turmoil thrown at your back. for once, you didn't feel discomfort laying down and not doing anything. but it was hot under the sheets.

'sleep well?' remus asked, rubbing his eyes and fixing the angle of his spectacles. it surprised you, and you flinched slightly. he gets up, keeping his jacket on the chair he'd been sleeping on.

the dark circles under his eyes seemed to have deepened. you felt his eyes wander over you. he lower lip was tucked under his teeth, his hands buried in his pockets. he waits patiently for you to answer.

'yes, mr. lupin. where am i?'

'call me remus please. you're at my house. the order's headquarters weren't safe for you anymore. that's because the death eaters are after you. well specifically bellatrix, because you dodged the curse she threw at sirius. for old times sake, she wanted to end it for once and for all.'

you gulp slowly, letting the realization settle into you. you move your fingers slowly under the sheets, testing your capacity to move. you felt bandage clothe rip into your skin.

'you've broken your fingers.' he says moving closer to your form, lying on the bed. 'it's brutal, because your skeletal muscles have been damaged too. do you understand?' he says patiently, gently. you feel a clump in your throat which burns down into your very core. it makes your eyes water.

'y-yes,' you say, your voice wobbly. he stands beside you, letting you fight your tears. he doesn't say anything. and perhaps, you don't want him to.

it's as if, he can't ever leave you. as if he would stay. so, for once, when his gentle, calloused hands touch your body, helping you sit up, you don't find yourself running away from him. you find yourself chased into his warmth, which echoes a gentleness that stills your heart.

because, there's no invisible smoke, or a fire within the crevices of your body. he helps you hold onto him.

********************************

taglist - @reggieisfit @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader @jamespottergf @eternallybipanicking @fictional-magic @iamgayforyourmom1510

(if you want to be tagged please send a request through my inbox.)

*********************************

a/n 2- i know this is a self indulgent statement, but if any of my sirius girlies want me to write something like this with him, please let me know!!

[ashwhowrites]

Reader, who is friends with Eddie ( not best friends but friends) likes Eddie. They hang out but Eddie doesn't see her as anything but a friend. He even tries to fix her up with someone. She is upset but really can't blame Eddie, he doesn't see her like that. She may decide to distance herself from Eddie since he's going out with other girls. Once he sees she's not around as much, he realizes he maybe should have given her a chance. Maybe they do end up together and have mind blowing sex and a happy ending. You know me, I'm a sucker for the triple threat of angst, smut and happy ending.

I hope no one minds that I connected these!! I figured I could knock both out within the same fic :) I hope everyone enjoyed <3

⚠️small amount of smut

The set up

Moodboard by the one and only @starksbabie

Y/N met Eddie just around a year ago. They were friends, but not best friends. She had her own best friends and he had hellfire. They hung out when they could and had fun. But the more she was with him, the more she fell for him.

One night she confessed, and her fear was confirmed. He didn't see her like that, and he only wanted to be friends. It hurt, but she couldn't be mad at him. He was nice and gentle about it. Making sure their friendship would survive. She appreciated how much he cared but it was like a knife repeatedly stabbing her.

Salt was thrown in her wound when he offered to set her up on a date. He had this whole idea of getting her to move on from him, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to go on dates with someone that wasn't him. But she smiled and agreed. A date could be fun and get her mind off of him.

~~~

She was wrong. Eddie left out the part where it was a double date. Gareth, a friend of Eddie's from Hellfire sat next to her. He was sweet. He was a gentleman and made her laugh. She was enjoying the date until Eddie and a girl sat across from them. All her progress out the window as Eddie sucked face with the blonde next to him. She knew he didn't like her, but he knew she liked him. And rubbing this in her face pissed her off. He was insensitive towards her feelings and that stung.

Gareth noticed the awkward energy, trying his best to distract himself and Y/N from the scene across from them.

"Want to get out of here?" Y/N nodded immediately, grabbing her purse as she gladly followed Gareth out of the restaurant.

When they were on their own and Eddie was in the back of her mind, she had a blast. She knew she wasn't going to get over Eddie in one night, but maybe this was a start.

~~~

"I have another guy for you!" Eddie said, smacking his tray down as he sat next to Y/N. She was confused as to why he wasn't at his normal table.

Eddie went on and on about the guy but Y/N wasn't interested. She hated how easy it was for Eddie to talk about her with someone else. Whenever he talked about his dates, Y/N felt like she needed to puke and cry.

She looked around the room and her eyes landed on Gareth. A smile on her face as she waved when he was already staring.

Eddie stopped talking once he realized she wasn't paying attention, he looked over his shoulder to see Gareth waving. Eddie smirked as he looked back at her.

"Oh I see, someone is still thinking about Gareth." Eddie teased. Y/N knew she couldn't date Gareth, he's way too close to Eddie and she'd never get over him. But Gareth made her feel better. She thought a real friendship could be formed there.

"It was one date, Eddie." She rolled her eyes and picked at her lunch.

"Which you both left together." He wiggled his eyebrows as she scoffed at him.

"Yeah because we were sick of tongue tennis." She spat, standing up as she left the cafeteria. Maybe she needed space from him altogether.

~~~

A week passed and Y/N spent most of her time with Gareth. She told him she wasn't interested in anything more than friends. And he was fine with that, he enjoyed her as a friend. She admitted she was trying to get over Eddie and dating his best friend wasn't healthy.

Eddie noticed his two friends were constantly together. Eddie set them up, but now he kinda of wished he never did. Y/N stopped hanging out with him as much, always with Gareth instead. He tried not to let it bother him.

But listening to Gareth talk about her hurt more than he thought it would. He was getting her life updates through her new little boyfriend. He felt replaced, and he missed her.

"How about another double date? Since the first one worked so well for you two." Eddie asked, he wanted an excuse to see her since she blew him off whenever he asked.

"We prefer to be alone," Gareth said, knowing watching Eddie on a date was something Y/N couldn't deal with to see.

"Nonsense! Dinner tonight, my place." Eddie demanded, slapping Gareth's shoulder hard as he walked away.

~~~

"No!" Y/N argued she was not going on another double date.

"Come on! Just think, we can really sell it and make him jealous." Gareth explained, but Y/N rolled her eyes at the idea.

"Jealous of what? He doesn't like me, Gareth. He told me. And he made it clear by hooking us up. Plus he'd have to keep his tongue out of his new slut of the week to even notice us."

Gareth laughed at her pout, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. He rubbed her back softly. "It'll be okay. He seemed very snippy about us hanging out. I think he's realizing he fucked up by not taking a shot with you."

"I really don't think he cares," Y/N argued, mumbling into Gareth's chest.

"The look on his face right now proves you wrong," Gareth smirked, Eddie's heated glare and clenched jaw gave him away. Y/N pulled away, confused, she turned her head to see Eddie glaring at them, a growl on his face as he went in the other direction.

"That was weird." Was Gareth right? Eddie did look pissed off and a little jealous.

~~~

Y/N felt a little excited heading into this date. Seeing Eddie so pissed off and jealous made her rethink the plan. Even if it failed and he didn't get jealous, at least she would be having fun. She wore black jeans, and a cropped band tee, and tied her hair back. She wore red lipstick, a bold color that always made her feel confident.

"Since when does Eddie cook?" Y/N asked as Gareth knocked on his door, hand in hand.

"Since his girl ditched him." Gareth joked, she scoffed and pushed his arm. Laughing right as the door yanked open.

"Aw isn't it the happy couple." Eddie smiled, Y/N swore he almost had crazy eyes as he led them through the door. His tone was too chippy and fake.

Y/N shared a nervous smile with Gareth as they walked in and took a seat at the kitchen table. Some girl was already sitting as she sipped on Wayne's beer.

"Hello, I'm Y/N, what's your name?" Y/N asked politely holding out her hand. The girl rolled her eyes and muttered "Grace."

Y/N coughed awkwardly and took back her hand. A tight smile as she looked at Gareth again, she giggled at the bizarre look on his face.

Eddie felt his whole body tighten when she giggled, snapping his head to look at her as she cuddled into Gareth. Since when was he so damn funny? Eddie angrily chopped up the vegetables, his knife hitting the cutting board repeatedly. Y/N jumped at every smack against it. Gareth smirked and stood up.

"Need a hand?" Gareth offered, joining Eddie at the counter as he chopped up carrots.

"So do you really like her?" Eddie asked a hint of sadness in his voice. He held his breath as he waited for his answer.

"Yeah, she's great. I can't thank you enough for setting us up!" Gareth said, a huge plastered smile on his face as he smacked Eddie's shoulder. "Don't think I'd ever get a girl like that until you just threw her right at me." Gareth knew he sounded like an ass, but he wanted Eddie to admit it to himself.

"Yeah...have you guys been on a lot of dates?" Gareth smirked as Eddie kept digging for information. The plan was working.

"Yeah. Movie dates, arcades, and we even went to that circus at the fair." Eddie felt his stomach drop, he always wanted to bring her to that circus. He wanted to get matching face paint and run around like idiots.

"Did she like it?" Eddie asked, he sounded choked up and Gareth almost felt bad. But Eddie had the chance to be with her, he was too dumb to see it.

"She absolutely loved it. She did wish you were there though." Gareth smiled, walking back to the table as he set down the plates. The girls were sitting in silence and Y/N smiled relieved when Gareth sat down.

Eddie watched them the whole dinner, eyes blazing. He watched as they made each other laugh, the way they held hands and told inside jokes. Eddie wanted to jump over the table and rip them apart.

Y/N couldn't believe the change in Eddie. Just a few weeks ago his tongue was down a girl's throat with no care in the world. But now he watched her every move, Grace ignored it as she picked at her nails. His eyes held so much anger and jealousy that it made her stomach turn. His bitter tone and snarky comments made her throb. Selfishly, she loved the attention he finally put on her.

As they finished dinner, Gareth and Y/N prepared to leave until Eddie asked her to stay.

"I'll bring her home, don't worry," Eddie promised, Gareth kissed Y/N's head as a goodbye and went out the door. Grace follows behind.

Y/N stood nervous as she waited for Eddie to speak. She wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about. Eddie leaned against his counter with his arm crossed, biting his lip as he tried to find the right words.

"I never thought I could miss someone this much," he confessed, "I hate that you replaced me and that you never come around anymore."

"Eddie, I didn't replace you." She defended, but she knew she missed him too. "You set me up because you wanted me to get over you. Of course, I'm going to spend time with him."

"Yeah well, I changed my mind! I wish I never set you guys up in the first place. I hate it. I hate you guys together. I hate hearing him talk about you and the way youlaughateverythinghesays." Eddie ranted. His words blended as he rushed it out.

"So what? You want me just to break up with him because you want to change your mind?" She scoffed.

"Break up with him because you don't love him like you love me." Eddie pleaded, he uncrossed his arms and his body deflated. "Break up with him because you were happier with me and you miss me too."

"Eddie, are you hearing yourself? I told you I fucking loved you and you set me up with your friend. I should fucking hate you! I should hate you for breaking my heart, sending me off for someone else to deal with, and then for you to have the nerve to try to ruin it for me. It sucks because I want to hate you, but I can't. I still love you and I hate that." Her voice cracked as she felt her anger taking control of her. He was so unfair.

"I DIDN'T KNOW! OKAY? I didn't know that seeing you move on was going to hurt. I didn't know that I would be jealous and hate my own best friend. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I LOVED YOU. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WOULD KILL ME TO SEE YOU WITH HIM" He argued, his own anger filling his bones.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T KNOW!" she screamed back. "I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO MOVE ON. You didn't want me, and I found someone who did." She snapped, walking to his front.

"Don't fucking walk away with me." He growled, walking behind her as he yanked her arm. She turned around with a heated glare.

"Don't touch me." She tried to yank her arm free but he wouldn't budge.

"Break up with him," Eddie demanded again, it wasn't a plea. It was an order.

"Fuck you." She scoffed and laughed. His eyes went even darker. His body pressed right against hers as he held her arm. She could feel all the anger rolling off his body. His hot skin burned against hers.

"Do you want him or me?" His voice was low and strong. Almost sounded like a real growl left his throat. His eyes stared into hers as he challenged her. She walked back but he followed. Her back pressed against the door as he pushed himself against her.

He was right there. Everything she wanted and craved was right there. He admitted he loved her. That it drove him crazy for her to be with someone else. She knew she'd never want Gareth like that. This was the plan all along.

"You." She whispered. That was all Eddie needed to hear. In seconds he removed his grip from her just to trap her hands above her head. She whined as she tried to claw out of his grip but he was too strong. He smashed his lips hungrily on hers. His knee shoved between her thighs, and she found herself grinding herself down on his knee.

He released her hands as he traveled his hands all over her body. She panted as he touched her chest, ass, hips and stomach. His hot touch burned her everywhere. His tongue was in her mouth as he took control of the kiss. Her hands gripped his shirt as she rocked against his knee. Everything felt like it was moving so fast, it all became a blur.

But she remembered the feeling of his tongue on her neck and his fingers inside of her. How his cock stretched out her cunt and his hand covered her screams. The bruising on her hips from his grip as he pounded into her from behind. The way he yanked her hair and bit her neck. The echoes of their skin smacking rang in her head over and over. The feeling as she came all over his cock and soaked her thighs completely. The softness of his kiss when he cleaned her up. The comfort of his pillow that rested under her head.

"I'm sorry for not seeing it earlier," Eddie mumbled against her bare shoulder, kissing the skin gently.

"Sometimes you don't know what you want until it's gone." She whispered, holding his hand that was around her waist.

"Mhhm, and now I won't mess it up."

"Shh, I just want to relax in your arms."

~~~

Eddie woke up the next morning and she was gone. He could smell bacon traveling through the small trailer. He rolled out of bed and slipped on a new pair of boxers. He yawned as he walked out of his room, the sight of her in his shirt as she flipped the bacon.

"you look really good in my clothes." He complimented, wrapping his arms around her as he nuzzled himself into her neck.

It took a while for Eddie to get here, but he did. And he wasn't going to mess it up for anything.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93

[leighsartworks216]

To Touch You

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

As someone who hates being touched (not to the extent as this fic portrays it), and also as someone who wants to hold Astarion and give him all the gentle affection he could ever wish for, I needed to write this

Warnings: touch-adverse descriptions of touch, hurt/comfort themes

Word Count: 814

Masterlist

AO3

Touch has always been difficult for you. Or maybe it started in your formative years and now you can't recall. In any case, the result is the same.

If someone brushes against your shoulder, you cringe and move to the closest open space. If someone grabs your hand, even just to pull you to safety in battle, it burns, and you have to grapple with the fact your hand feels wrong. Hugs are hell, and you've since learned how to dodge out of them or push the person away entirely.

And that's what makes this so hard. You want so terribly to give Astarion the soft affection he never had. You want to hold his hand and run your fingers through his hair and - gods forbid - you wanted to cuddle with him.

Since the relationship began, you kept your distance. Emotionally you could provide him the comfort and reassurance he needed, but physically, you sat apart, you were always at least an arm's length away. This distance has grown shorter over time, but you know it hurts him when you create it. A bubble around you. It makes him think you don't trust him, or that you still fear him after all this time. (Allowing him to drink from you was the one instance you granted him leniency, under the stipulation the only part of him that touches you is his mouth. It was worth the itchy feeling that covered your body as long as you got to see that smile.)

And even though it would hurt, you wanted to try. Try proving to him that you weren't afraid of him; that you do care for him in other ways that are easier for you to express than this.

So when you approach him as he sits outside his tent, looking determined as though you were heading into battle, Astarion was understandably confused and concerned. He watched you plop down next to him, only a few inches away. His eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"Darling? What are you-"

You shook your head, avoiding eye contact entirely to stare over his shoulder. "Just let me do this, please." With a sigh to calm your jittery nerves, you finally met his gaze. Your face morphed into something frightened and vulnerable. "Please."

A slew of questions rushed to the tip of his tongue. Do what, exactly? Why did you look so distraught? What had you been working yourself up for? Were you hurt? Were you going to tell him something awful? Were you... stepping away from the relationship? Had he pushed too far, overstepped a boundary? His mind spun with each one. But he pursed his lips to stop them all, and he nodded.

He could hear your breaths shake as you breathed deeply. You lifted your hands and they trembled, all while your heart fluttered in your chest like a frightened bunny. Slowly, you reached forward and took his hand in yours. His eyes couldn't decide where to focus: your face was tense, and you flinched at the initial contact; your hands slid over his skin, feeling the veins and callouses. You'd never initiated like this. Any time he'd tried, even delicately, your face would scrunch up and you'd create a larger gap away from him.

As you held his hand, breathing through each phantom sensation and emotion, you found it wasn't entirely unpleasant. A tingling sensation moved through your hands, up your arms, and down your spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake, but beyond that you could feel how soft his skin was. He stayed absolutely still, but you could still feel his fingers twitching against his will.

All too quickly, the feeling became unbearable. It was too much all at once. You cringed as you pulled away, rubbing your hands against the fabric of your shirt to remove the feeling. Astarion wanted to be offended - Was he truly so disgusting to touch? - until he remembered this had nothing to do with him.

"I'm sorry," you blurted out, voice wavering and anxious. "Your hands are soft, but I just can't..." You look down at your open palms, searching for words to describe it. The skin was red from your ministrations.

"Look at me, my love." Your hands clenched into fists as you met his eyes. You were still so frightened about what he thought. About how he perceived this. He smiled. "I appreciate you for trying, nonetheless. It... means a lot that you were willing to be uncomfortable for my sake.

"But," he continues, genuine smile shifting into a flirtatious smirk, "I'm perfectly content with the multitudinous forms of affection you seem to find to lavish on me. And I will do my best to share them with you, too."

You let out a long breath, relaxing for the first time since you approached him. You smiled, relieved. "Thank you, Astarion."

"Of course, my love."

[cameronspecial]

A New Kind Of Normal (Part 6)

Pairing: Dad!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Drug Use, Mentions about Relapse and Talks About Getting Better After a Relapse

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.0K

Summary: Rafe doesn't know if he has what it takes to be the person that Stella and Y/N deserve.

Masterlist

Rafe has been giving Y/N her space, but it didn’t mean he stopped trying to get her to forgive him. He sent letter after letter. Gift after gift. All of them returned. NA meetings, anger management sessions, therapy appointments and calls from Diana all go ignored as he seeks solace in his drug of choice and ways of getting Y/N to let him back into her life. It is safe to say his week is not going so great.

Lucky or maybe unlucky for him, Wheezie and Sarah were still allowed to see the light of his life and would report back to him how she had been doing. Learning how much Stella misses him causes guilt to form in his stomach. He told his father he wouldn’t be the type of father to leave his daughter, but it was his decision that forced Y/N to create that distance. Every fibre of his body wants to hate Y/N for taking Stella away from him and causing Stella pain by doing so, yet he only seems to crave Y/N’s smile and proximity. He craves their late-night phone calls and her reassurance that he can stay sober. The silence on her end makes him believe she has given up on him. That he has no hope of getting back on the proverbial horse. Again, the only thing that can help remove the little voice inside his head saying he isn’t good enough for his dad, Y/N and Stella is the powder the powder that dries up his nose.. 

After yet another attempt to gain Y/N’s forgiveness doesn’t work, Rafe finds himself returning home from Barry’s with Ziploc bags in his pockets. He has been sleeping in his house in the Outer Banks since his apartment near Y/N’s only reminds him of what he has lost. Before he met Stella, he thought the big house was all he could ask for. That the material things could fill him with happiness. But with Y/N and Stella now in his life, he knows he could not have been more wrong. He begins to feel he will never be happy again without them in his life and he rushes to the closest flat surface. 

His hands shake as he tears the bag open, letting the coke spill all over the entranceway table. He takes his credit card out and starts to form line after line. One finger comes up to his nose to block one of his nostrils so the other can inhale the drug. He does every single line until he runs out. Frustration overcomes him when he can’t get the next bag out of his pocket, so he gives up and opts to try to sleep to help dull his toxic thoughts. He is too lazy to move out of the front room, lying down in the middle of the room spread out like a starfish. 

——

Sarah and Wheezie find their older brother as soon as they open his front door. Sarah would have walked on top of him if she wasn’t looking where she was going. Both girls knew what had happened and that he wasn’t faring well. They knew he had started using again. Wheezie kneels beside Rafe’s head and slaps him awake. He bolts forward, letting out a gasp of fear. “What did you do that for?” he groans, rubbing his cheek. She looks at him with slight disappointment, “We both know you wouldn’t have woken up if we tried a nicer way of doing it.” “Okay, that may be true. What are you doing here?” he questions. It is Sarah’s turn to reply. “We are worried about you. We know you are using again and you are never going to get sober again if you don’t talk to someone.” He lies back down with a shake of his head, “What is the point of getting sober again if I’m never going to see Stella again?” 

Sarah doesn’t respond for a second; instead, she looks for something in her purse. She finally finds what she is looking for and pulls out a piece of paper. Rafe takes the outstretched paper hesitantly. The worry that he is about to read a custody agreement from Y/N fills him with dread. However, he carefully unfolds the paper to find a drawing. The stick figures with pointy hats would not make any sense to most people, but to her father, he knew exactly what they were meant to be. It is a picture of him and his little girl holding hands with witches’ hats on their heads. The big round circle beside him must be a cauldron and the black blob beside Stella must be the cat she has always wanted. The only word he can make out from the indecipherable letters is Stella’s name. Y/N is doing such a great job at teaching Stella to write her name. 

Wheezie can see the confusion about the words on Rafe’s face and goes in to translate for him. “It says get well soon. Y/N told Stella the reason you aren’t coming over is because you are sick. You want a reason to get sober?” Wheezie starts to explain. “That’s your reason to get sober again. Yes, you may not be able to see her right now, but that little girl is waiting for you to come back and you are never going to do that if you keep spiralling.” He sits back up to see the picture in a better light. Tears start to form in his eyes as all his feelings about missing his daughter come crashing down. 

“She needs me still,” he whispers to himself. Yes, his father and Y/N may think he is useless but Stella doesn’t. She hasn’t forgotten about him and still wants him to come back even after he hasn’t talked to her in a week. That is one thought he doesn’t want to leave his head, except he realizes it always does whenever he seeks comfort from the cocaine. It may help him forget about the pain Ward has caused him, but he also forgets the love he gets from Stella. And that beats every other feeling. He gets up from the floor, pulling the rest of the coke easily out of his pocket now that he can think a little more clearly. He hands it to Sarah, “Get rid of this for me, please?” She nods her head and he brings both of his sisters in for a hug. “Thank you for not giving up on me. I promise I’m going to try again,” he tells them. They both return the hug, Wheezie pressing her head against his shoulder, “We believe you and we are here to help.” He may never hear those words from his father, but he is so glad he has his sisters to give him the support their father never could. 

——

“I screwed up, Diana. She’s never going to forgive me.” Diana gives him a concerned look, “Rafe, it’s going to take more than a week for her to forgive you, especially since you only decided to try to get sober today.” Rafe nods his head, playing with the band of his watch. “Right… So you think I have a chance,” he hopes. She gives him a soft smile, “I do. If you give her time and take this one day at a time, I think she’ll come around. Show her how much they both mean to you.” “I can do that. One day at a day,” he repeats. 

——

Luna’s Diner feels so much darker with the knowledge that Y/N is angry at him. He knows he should give her space, but this week has been the longest he has gone without seeing Stella or Y/N. He’s nervous as he listens to the little bell announce his arrival. The little girl at the counter looks up from her colouring and her face lights up when she sees who it is. “Daddy!” she yells, running over to him. He picks her up and brings her into a tight hug. “Are you feeling better, Daddy?” He gives her a kiss on the temple, “I am, little witch. Thank you for my card. I loved it.” Rafe sits on a stool with Stella in his lap. She tells him everything he has missed during their week away. Sabrina is now her friend again because they realize Will is a gross boy. Stella and Sabrina are now dating and their wedding is on Monday. 

“Uncle Benny and I made sculptures. His was as tall as me,” she recounts, throwing her arms apart to exaggerate. Rafe giggles at how happy she is. The sight Y/N comes back to angers her and she is about to blow a fuse. “What are you doing here?” she grits through her teeth. She rounds the counter to take Stella in her hands. He stands up with his hands in the air to show he meant no harm, “I just wanted to talk to you. And catch up with Stella.” “You lost the right to do that when you rela- when you did what you did while Stella was home,” she argues. 

“I know, you know I regret that completely. I will never forgive myself for putting her in danger. I want you to know I’m back on track to getting better.” 

“That’s great. But I can’t just trust you like that again Rafe,” she snaps her fingers to iterate her point. “I want you to leave, please.” Stella looks between the two adults in confusion, wondering why it seemed they were talking in code. Rafe looks into Y/N’s eyes and sees the frustrations she feels. He doesn’t want to cause her any more trouble, so he heads toward the door. “Daddy, where are you going? Aren’t you going to play with me?” Stella calls out in a plea. His heart stops for a second and he doesn’t know how to get it to start beating again. He shakes his head sadly, “I’m sorry, little witch, but I have to go. I have work tomorrow.” Stella’s eyes start to brim with tears. “But you didn’t give me a hug yet,” she cries, holding out her arms for him. He looks at Y/N to confirm he is allowed to and she gives a solemn nod. She can’t deny her daughter a moment with her father. 

Y/N puts Stella down on the floor and Stella runs to her father. She goes into his arms, burying her head into his neck, “Bye-bye, Daddy. Forever and always?” He returns the intensity of her hug and kisses her. “Forever and always.” Her feet find the floor again and she watches as Rafe leaves her. He turns around when on the other side of the glass, blowing the little girl a kiss. Stella may not understand what is going on between her parents, but she can sense something has changed between them and that she might never see her father again. She goes back to her mother with hopeful eyes, “When can we see Daddy again?” “I don’t know, Baby. I’m sorry,” Y/N hates to say, giving the girl a hug to comfort her. 

——

Rafe does not blame Y/N for still being mad at him and for being hesitant to bring her back into their lives. He broke her trust, which is a sacred thing. The gifts were obviously not working and he is honestly glad it doesn't. Thinking back on it, he wants to gain her trust back through actions instead of materialistic things. He isn’t sure how to make it up to her, but he knows he can start a plan. First things, booking his next therapy appointment and increasing how often he sees Dr. Winters. Next, he will meet with Diana and reflect on why he relapsed so he can make a relapse prevention plan. Finally, make a list of possible places to go to rehab if he feels he can’t get sober in his current environment. 

Yes, this plan isn’t about getting back Y/N, but it helps him with recovering from his relapse and this will hopefully show Y/N how serious he is. As he writes down his plan, he vows to do everything in his power to gain back Y/N’s trust and show her he will never make the mistake of putting Stella in danger again.  

Taglist: @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @drewstarkeyswifehoe @kisstaya @magicalyoura @mp-littlebit @loverfu55ii @dark1paradise @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @alyisdead @emeloyy @js-a-writer @kisstaya @optimisticsandwichgladiator

[hairybirthdayclown]

vi. astrology notes

*(not a pro. just for fun)

• i think cancer placements are quite intimidating & no one mentions this. any placement can be intimidating if they're in the wrong crowd but specifically for cancer, people who are not in tune with their feelings can find them quite intimidating. especially their overly emotional tendancies that can rub some people the wrong way. that's why they're quite hated because society was wired to deem such behaviour as weak.

• a mix of cancer & virgo in a natal chart can make someone very open to dealing with unpleasant feelings if it's something that has do be done in order to progress. i think they're also the type to have a "i'll do_____ when i become_____" mentality especially with 6H placements in the chart because they tend to be prone to perfectionism.

• just an observation, but from what i've gathered from my cringey/annoying classmates i had in highschool, most of them had air/fire Sun signs.

to clarify, when i say cringey i mean yelling tiktok audios which would disrupt class or saying unnecessary 'jokes' in which the teachers awkwardly & PAINFULLY had to fake laugh at. everyday was torture but they were a bit friendly. annoying would be randomly starting a fight with a teacher for a stupid reason.

• a person who i've been involved with that had the best energy & aura from all the people i've come across had Sun, Mercury & Mars opposite Uranus and Moon square Uranus. people who have a generational planet as one of their dominant planets have a very striking presence.

• i don't know if this has any sort of significance but my friends 3H cusp is in 10° & she doesn't like using slang unironically or altering her speech with whatever is trending on the internet at the moment like how most people incorporate it in theirs. she hates the word 'rizz' & etc.

• you can never go wrong with astrocartography. the place in which i'm going for higher education at is exactly where my Jupiter line is which will grant me growth, travel & major opportunities.

speaking of astrocartography, a friend of mine lives on her Pluto line & she constantly mentions how she wants to get out of the country & move away. not because it's anything severe but she says she has always felt the urge to leave.

• the last time Mars was transiting my 3H, my cousin got recruited for the military (Mars represents war), my other external family members were always being talked about by my parents more than usual in an disrespectful manner & one of my uncles was being quite demanding/assertive.

• as clichè as it sounds, a guy i know regularly travels to visit his mom & he has the Moon in 9H. my brother who has the same placement travels too from where he lives just to come home. the Moon represents your family, maternal figure & the 9H represents long distance travel.

• it can be difficult for people who have Mars square Neptune to manifest because you might be conflicted with how easy it is. they would rather achieve their goals the practical way especially if Mars is in aries, scorpio & capricorn. getting things out of the blue without doing the work might demotivate them.

thanks for reading :)

[harryslittlefreakk]

dr. styles

Summary: fratboy!harry is a surgical resident in your class, and he helps you to relieve some stress*

Word count: 1745

Warnings: smutty, oral (f receiving), 18+

A/n: i’ve been watching too much greys anatomy and some kind of lhh/alex karev mash up needed to be written . not proofread!

my masterlist can be found here!

You slumped against the door, too exhausted to even get to bed. Your eyelids were heavy, threatening to close if you blinked for too long. You knew being a surgical resident would be exhausting, but this case was eating at you in a way you rarely experienced. Your patient was having seizures every few hours and you had no idea why. Pages of medical journals were swimming around your mind, but you couldn’t find anything that made any sense.

“D’ya need to be carried to bed, princess?” A voice spoke up from one of the bunks. Harry Styles, your bastard colleague. He was one of the men who got into medicine for the glory, for fun stories to tell women who thought he was a hero. He was one of the most arrogant and selfish people you’d ever met. “No, dickwad,” you retorted, too tired to be truly annoyed. Your feet dragged towards a bed on the opposite side of the room, suddenly hating how small the on-call room felt. You liked to keep a bigger distance, for your professional (and personal) sake. If anything was going to get you cut from this program, it wouldn’t be him.

Harry rolled over to look at you, flipping his shoulder-length hair out of his face. You hated his hair as much as his personality. He was forever whipping it around, running a hand through the top, generally fiddling with it in the hopes that young, impressionable women would appear. He was handsome, sure. If you met him at a bar you’d probably lust over him for the night, but he wasn’t anything to write home about. You groaned, covering your face with your forearm as you felt his eyes on you. “What?” He asked, feigning innocence. You rolled your eyes and turned away, slamming a pillow over your head. You needed to sleep so badly, but between your patient and Harry’s presence, you would need to count at least 2 billion sheep.

You only turned back around when you felt a great big lump weighing down the end of the mattress. “What now?” You snapped, glaring up at the man now sitting on your bed. “Jeez, Anna is pissed today too. There’s too many women in this damn hospital, you guys probably all synced up or something,” Harry scoffed, but kept his ass firmly planted where it was. “Fuck off, Harry.” You tried to kick at him, but he caught your ankle with one quick grab. “Seriously, I’m not in the mood. I can’t figure out this case and I need to sleep. Go away,” you half-shouted, now wishing you’d never even tried to rest.

“Tell me about your patient and I’ll leave you alone,” Harry offered, somewhat dejectedly. You sat up and told him all about her seizures, her medical history, everything you knew. He simply shrugged in response. You rubbed harshly at your temples, breathing a sigh of relief as he stood up. But Harry only stalked over to the door, locked it, and then resumed his position on your bed. “Harry, I’m not joking with you. I really need my rest,” you groaned. He knew exactly how to rub you the wrong way. “You’re a real bitch when you’re tired, y’know that?” he replied, coming to lay down behind you. You pushed yourself as far into the wall as you could, not bothering to even ask what he thought he was doing. “Hey, relax. I’m not trying anything. I just know it’s easier to sleep when someone’s with you,” Harry told you, wriggling his forearm under your head. Your body relaxed slightly at this. He was right. You always slept better with someone next to you, and these beds were hardly known for their comfort.

“She could have an aneurysm, y’know.” You barely heard what Harry had mumbled. Turning around to face him, you asked him to repeat himself. “An aneurysm,” you repeated. “That’s it! She had a fall recently. Didn’t even get checked out but that could explain everything!” You were laughing now, so relieved to at least have an idea of what was going on. “Oh Harry, I could-“

“You could what? Huh?” he smirked, glancing from your eyes to your lips. Harry had never wanted to admit how hot he found you, even at your meanest you were still one of the prettiest girls in the world to him. He stroked a soft hand across your cheek, leaning closer as he muttered, “do this?”

His lips met yours softly at first, waiting for you to shove him away. Instead, you opened your mouth wider for him, slipping your tongue past his teeth. He moaned against your mouth as your tongues battled for dominance, a fire brewing deep in your core. Harry pulled you on top of him, taking handfuls of your soft ass in his hands. “Maybe I should solve your cases more often,” he smirked against your mouth, deepening the kiss. “Maybe you should,” you replied, flipping the two of you around so Harry’s big body was above you. You rushed to pull each others clothes off, separating your mouths for as little time as possible.

You’d never realised what an incredible body he had under his scrubs. A chiselled six pack, tattoos littering his torso, and a deep v-line poking out of his boxers. You traced his inked laurels sitting just above the band of his pants with a careful fingertip, before dragging your hands up his body. Your kisses were hot and heavy now, saliva sitting on both of your swollen bottom lips. Harry pushed you back, pressing a hand to your belly to make sure you were flush with the bed, before hooking a long finger inside of your panties. He looked down at you as if asking for permission, and when you nodded, he slipped a digit inside of your opening. “So wet for me already baby girl,” he moaned, withdrawing his finger and licking it clean of your juices. You squirmed under him, lusting after the way his tongue moved skilfully around his fingers. “Harry,” you panted, “more please.”

“And here I was thinking you didn’t like me.” Harry’s words came out in a singsong tune, his trademark smirk nestled between two dimples. He pulled your panties down your legs, sliding down the bed as his arms moved, before nudging your inner thighs with his nose. Before you’d even fully opened yourself up to him, Harry was getting a taste of your pretty pussy. He lapped at your folds, moaning into you with every flick of his tongue. Your hands found his hair almost instantly, grabbing and clawing for something to hold onto. A loud groan tumbled out of your mouth as his lips moved to suckle on your clit. You’d never imagined someone’s mouth could bring you this much pleasure, let alone this mouth. “Fuck, harry,” you moaned, watching his head dive between your legs. “Gotta be quiet baby,” he reminded you, moving a hand up to brush your mouth. You nodded, whimpering under his fingers. He slipped a digit or two from his free hand under his tongue, moving inside you in a beckoning motion. Your back arched, feeling your core tighten. “I’m gonna come Harry, I’m-“

He shushed you as you panted. “I know baby. I’m gonna get y’there, okay?” His fingers and his tongue worked faster now, the idea of your sweet come on his lips almost too much to bear. Your head lulled back as your body began to shake, thighs closing in around his head. His long moan vibrating against your pussy tipped you over the edge. You pulled a pillow over your mouth as you cried out his name, hips bucking into his hand as he rode you through your orgasm.

You collapsed back into the bed, panting heavily. That was the most intense orgasm you’d ever had. “Needed that, sweet girl?” Harry cooed, hands snaking up your body. His face was covered in your juices, his lips glistening with your come. As you were about to pull him in for a kiss, he flipped you onto your front. “My turn now,” he drawled in your ear, pushing his boxers down his thighs. You heard the familiar snap of a condom before feeling the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. His hand landed a heavy blow on your asscheek before he peppered it with kisses. You were delirious already from the sheer thickness of just his tip. You pushed your hips up towards him fervently, ready to have your mind blown again. Harry pushed into you in one thrust, pulling your asscheeks apart to watch himself enter you. “Fuck Harry, you’re so big,” you whined, his huge cock splitting you in half. He pulled out slow, moaning as he watched himself re-enter your tight pussy. Your walls were clenched around him, pulling and pushing your come along his shaft. The sounds were obscene.

Harry reached around and gripped your throat, his free hand steadying himself on the bed behind you. He fucked into you fast, months of built up annoyance and rivalry shooting pleasure deep inside of you. His cock reached sweet spots you didn’t even know you had, you were full to the brim with him. “You feel so fucking good princess,” he groaned, leaning down to bite at your earlobe. “Fuck, Harry! Stay there, stay there, please,” you begged, the angle of his thick tip perfectly hitting your g-spot. He thrust into you faster and harder, fingers digging into the sides of your throat. Your moans were strained, the tightness sending a rush of blood into your head. Before you could even register it, you were coming again. Soaking his shaft in thick, creamy come. Harry watched it ooze out of you, settling at the base of his cock as you whined and squirmed underneath him. He’d never seen anything so sexy. His pace was slipping now, fucking your come back into you in a slower, sloppier fashion. Feeling your opening tighten around him as you came was too much for Harry to take. He cried your name as he came violently, legs shaking under him. Harry collapsed beside you, rubbing a hand over your lower back, after throwing the condom into the bin.

“Should we get some sleep now, sweet girl?” he asked, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. You were already snoring sweetly, exhausted after your two big climaxes.

[bipanicoverthegravessiblings]

Can I make a request?

Can we see Andrew with Reader and Ashley with Reader (separately) raising their own children? How do you think what kind of parents they would be?

I have thought about this a bit too much—

Ashley and Andrew Graves x Reader with their children

Andrew Graves

In all honesty, Andrew never really intended on being a father

He’s already raised a kid (Ashley), and he didn’t exactly want to do it again

Until you two had your first child

Andrew was hesitant to hold them at first, generally a bit discomforted by the idea

But after the doctor pretty much forced the little creature into his arms, he felt a wave of warmth.

Andrew was going through a lot of emotions in that moment. Anxious, overwhelmed, scared- by god he was petrified in that moment. But also strangely….

Calm….and- happy almost.

He cracked open his eyes, peering down at the tiny person that had been shoved into his arms. They stared back.

He turned his head down to look at the child a bit better, and a smile snuck its way to the corners of his lips.

How strange, he pondered. He’d only just met this little thing and he already loved it. He was expecting to feel dread. Dread for having to raise another kid, like he spent most of his own childhood doing. Deep down the dread was still there…

…but it was suppressed with warmth.

From early stages of the kid’s life, Andrew was a mess

He baby proofed everything (if a bit too late, cause when preparing he saw no need to)

He was always on high alert whenever the baby started crying, definitely not helping the situation by hovering over your shoulder and demanding to hold his child

Speaking of hold, you were worried the baby would never learn to walk with how much Andrew held them.

Playing with toys? Andrew would be sitting on the floor with the baby on his lap

Feeding? Who needs a high chair when you have Andrew to hold the baby while he spoon fed them

Miraculously though, he managed to set the baby down enough times for them to learn how to walk

Andrew still insisted on holding them, but it was thanks to you standing your ground that he held off to let the child actually learn

Overprotective is best way to describe Andrew as a father

In a way it worked out for him

The child always needed their daddy when something was wrong

And Andrew relished in this

Any other children the two of you had, Andrew’s protectiveness dialed down just a tad

But it was very clear who the favorite parent was

Ashley Graves

Ashley had never wanted kids before meeting you

To be honest, she kind of hated them and gave you no indication that she would want any

Until all of a sudden she was more than eager to have children with you

It was like someone flipped a switch in her head, on a dime she was suddenly thrilled with the idea

Though unbeknownst to you, it was just another way of keeping you with her..

Ashley’s fingers played with your hair, twisting and swirling strands as you laid asleep with your head on her chest. Who needed a pillow when you had two wonderful pillows attached to your beautiful and loving partner!

Her fingers paused as she stared down at your sleeping form. You were so lucky to have her, in all honestly. She was always there for you, always listened to your troubles, always showed you just how far her love for you went.

She lowered her lips to place a soft kiss on your forehead, her hand gliding down from your hair to rub gentle circles in between your shoulder blades.

“You’re mine dear…” she wrapped both arms around you, her nails daring to dig possessively into your skin, “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

During the early stages of the baby’s life, Ashley kept her distance

She didn’t like the crying, she got frustrated trying to feed or change them, and she didn’t really start playing with them til they could sit up on their own

It was a juggle for you in all honesty, having to give the baby and Ashley enough attention

You were so exhausted that most nights you’d be out cold on the floor surrounded by baby toys

Ashley didn’t start to help til the baby was a toddler, and you’d be lying if you said you wished she’d stay out of it

The two of them were menaces together, Ashley’s bad habits would rub off onto the impressionable kid, and any bad behavior Ashley would reward with words of praise or hugs

It was a lot of back and forth til you two reached mutual ground on what they should let the kid get away with

You both were content with just one kid, you didn’t want to go through the exhaustion of the early days again and Ashley didn’t want to risk neglecting the second one.

For as terrible of an influence as she is, she did grow to genuinely care for the child

[atxxzist]

oh boy | c.s

summary: your curious heart that's full of adventure and knowledge; of what's out there beyond the space of your room and farmhouse, find it in a boy who not only open your eyes to the world around you, but also to a longing you didn't even know was there

pairing: choi san x f!reader

genre: farmboy!san, fluff, angst, suggestive

word count: 16.6k

(ao3) if you don't like lapslock

your father always told you it isn't good to venture out of the farm.

he said the world out there is too big, too dangerous, and too unpredictable; that a fragile and defenseless girl like you shouldn't hold an interest for something ugly that would only do harm in return, though you would say he's wrong.

because although you haven't seen it much for yourself, the few times that you did, along with the stories you've heard, you know that whatever stretches beyond the farmhouse and is sharing the same sky you're looking at, is something beautiful waiting to be explored--

the second you hear the front door slammed shut, you open your own, peeking your head out the empty hallway before grabbing your heels and tippy toeing down the stairs.

you watch your father's figure through the window until he disappears off into the distance, humming a tune under your breath and snapping on your heels, shortly met by the morning sun and the fall weather.

you skip in excitement all the way to manshik's cottage on the other side of the farmhouse, given it's harvest season, he probably needs help with the crops. if not, he might be able to take you to the river nearby to pick out a daisy.

"morning," you call out so sweetly, knuckles tapping his window and waiting for the old man to greet you with weary eyes the way he always does, honestly just blessed he has a heart of gold and haven't pulled the plug and rat you out for ruining his sleep a couple times a year.

a pair of arms pry the window open--arms that are no way in shape or form look like they belong to a seventy something year old man. and then you see his face, and manshik must've turned fifty years younger from the last time you saw him. that, or whoever this stranger is, have done something to manshik.

his expression is not much different from yours, just as equally perplexed and confused. you suppose knocking on someone's window when the sun is barely out does that.

"uhh... where's manshik?" you ask.

he cranks an eyebrow attractively, a couple seconds of silence passing before he answers.

"manshik?" he repeats.

"yes." you nod. "he lives here."

"oh, i'm not sure." you watch as he sits up and rub at his tired eye. "my father and i arrived just yesterday to replace the worker that used to work here."

replace? as in take over manshik permanently?

you wonder what could've possibly warrant the need for a replacement when manshik was perfect at his job and had always been a loyal worker to your father.

you offer an apology to the stranger for disrupting his sleep and begin making your way back to the house completely disheartened, occupying yourself with prepping breakfast until min wakes up and take over.

when you think of where manshik could be or what could've happened to him, death never even crosses your mind. but a nosy question thrown at min, and you find that the old man didn't get fired or quit--he had passed away a week ago, and you can't believe your father never said anything.

knowing the man he is, you don't expect much from him, but manshik's been with the family before you could even walk, you think you deserve to know something as big as his passing.

your father is so cruel.

"i hate him," you spit bitterly, glowering as you take a seat at the dining table.

min shoots you a look and shakes her head.

"miss, you know it's not good to say things like that."

you throw your arms up, as if preaching to someone higher to hear your pleads.

"but all he does is keep me locked up, never bothering to tell me anything. manshik was like family."

"i understand you were very close to him."

you only continue to sulk, knowing that ranting to your father's workers is as far as it'll go when it comes to releasing all the frustrations about your father.

"do you know where they'll be burying him?"

"i'm not sure, but it's most likely in the town nearby."

your eyes light up with something at that, only to be shot down just as quickly.

"can you take me there? so i can make an offering?"

"miss, you know i can't do that. if your father finds out i took you out of the farm, i will lose my job."

you groan in annoyance, arms crossed.

"so what now? i lose one of the only people who ever listened to me, and my father is just going to continue locking me up. i'm going to be bored to death!"

it might sound like a tantrum, but for a young girl who has been deprived of interactions all her life and forced to entertain herself with whatever she could find, it is very much a cause for concern.

"i heard the new workers have a son your age. maybe go and introduce yourself."

that was probably him back there, but they're new and you don't know them.

manshik's patience was also undefeatable and you're not sure if they will be able to tolerate you the way he did. so you don't, instead opting for cleaning around the house (though really, how much dirt can a lone girl like you make considering your father's never home) and making dinner.

there's not a single book on your shelves that hasn't been read and not a single skill taught that you haven't mastered, having lived in isolation so long, you spent most of it sticking your nose in your father's workers hobbies and interests and learning off of them.

but days passing by, awkward and silent dinings with your father one after another, you're officially bored.

you finally make your way out to the other side again one morning, figuring that if they're going to be here for a long time, you might as well get familiar with them.

as you're nearing, you can see a figure going through the apple trees and picking them out into a basket.

you wonder if it's the stranger from days ago, but the person hears your arrival first, turning around to prove you wrong.

"good morning," the older man greets you. he looks a lot younger than manshik, but definitely old enough to be your father.

"hi," you respond with a simple smile. "i heard my father got some new workers and i wanted to come by."

"ah! you must be the young miss!" he smiles in a return, something about him already so welcoming and you're glad for that.

you nod, curling your hands together in front of your dress.

"i'm y/n. what can i call you by, mister?"

"you may call me mr. choi, or anything you see fit, miss."

"mr. choi..." you mumble the name, making a note to yourself you will for sure remember it next time. "do you need any help?"

"oh, i couldn't do that to you, young miss."

you know you look absolutely nothing farm-ready with your dress and heels, but you're always willing to accommodate. manshik's said before that you are a great help.

"it's fine. i'd love to help! manshik, the farmer before you guys, taught me many things."

"oh, i can see he was very good at his job. pretty much everything is ready. they just need to be harvested and gathered."

"manshik was the best!" you praise once again, mr. choi acknowledging with another smile.

"well, miss, if you really insist, maybe you can help me with a couple baskets?"

"of course! but... just one thing." your facial changing from soft to serious. "you cannot tell my father i was here."

mr. choi squints before giving in with a quiet snicker.

"if you say so, miss. it will be very hard to catch up with your father anyways."

"thank you so much! i'll help with what i can, but i'll have to return soon for breakfast."

by the time you have to go back, you're happy to have filled two full baskets for mr. choi, telling him that if your father doesn't return early, you will probably show again somewhere in the afternoon.

you wash the dirts off your feet with the garden hose and shake off any leaves or remains that got on your dress before entering the house, with hyunjoo being the first to greet you as she's disinfecting the living room.

"did you go out to the field again?"

you hold the pair of heels by the hang of your fingers, stopping and answering her.

"of course i did."

she shakes her head, amused by the determination if anything.

"and how was it?"

"good! mr. choi was wonderful. i think we're going to become pretty close."

--

your father finished his meeting early yesterday so you weren't able to go back, unfortunately. but you have made sure to stay for breakfast this morning so you'll have more time at the field.

it's awfully quiet when you get there; not a soul in sight. but you notice that the apple trees are almost done with the exception of one that sits a lone basket at the foot, barely filled.

mr. choi was probably going through it when something came up.

you don't hesitate to take matters into your own hand, picking up the basket and continuing where it was left off, only managing to collect three apples in total when the sound of incoming footsteps behind alerts you.

"stop right there! who are you?"

you spin around tight-lipped and wide-eyed at the voice that doesn't belong to mr. choi, freezing momentarily as you just stare at the familiar boy in front of you, and it looks like he recognizes you as well.

"sorry..." you mutter, "i was just, uhm, i saw there was no one and thought maybe mr. choi went somewhere so i just wanted to help."

san raises an eyebrow, grateful it's not a thief or someone who happened to wander into the farm--just the girl from before who woke him up by banging on his window.

"my father is inside. i'm the one sweeping the field today."

"oh..." you nod slowly, just realizing you've never properly introduced yourself despite making possibly two of the worst first impressions already.

"i'm y/n." you hold out your free hand that isn't clutched to the basket. "my father owns the farm and i live on the other side." pointing with your chin to said direction.

"ah..." it dawns on him, accepting your greeting in return. "well, i'm san. choi san."

his hand is surprisingly soft and silky, not at all harsh like you expected considering the taxing work he does. he also has some very prominent features that sticks out in a good way, and you would be lying if you don't think he's kind of cute.

"makes sense as to why you're able to hop around the farm so easily," he adds and you're unsure if it's a jab, just that your cheeks turn bright red at the reminder of the first meeting.

"again, i'm sorry about that."

he dismisses it with a shake of his head.

"you're good. so, did you ever find out what happened to manshik?"

you nod once, looking down at the ground before you meet his eyes again.

"yeah, but i'd rather not talk about that right now."

he doesn't push any further, waiting until you speak again.

"so, what's the plan after?"

"well, we're going to sweep the crops with one of those machinery. the next couple of days is going to be a lot of physical labor--even more than picking apples."

he switches his gaze to the field of crops a few feet away; you snapping your head to follow.

"if you're planning on visiting the next couple of days, it might be harder to catch me or my father."

you digest the information, humming in understanding.

"no worries. sometimes my father doesn't attend meetings on the weekend so i most likely won't be able to come anyways."

san lets you finish off the last tree by yourself, having ran back inside the house to fetch something but is gone for a lot longer than he should.

only until you're almost done, do you hear your name from the distance and him running up to you again.

"me and my father would like to invite you for breakfast, if you don't mind."

you're no stranger to the cottage--how it looks on the outside or on the inside, manshik always having told you to treat it like it was your own. that whatever was his, was yours.

and despite not being the biggest enthusiast of the interior because it always gave away who lived here; everything mostly dusty or like it came straight from one of those old films you'd watch when there was nothing to do, you grew to appreciate it because it did felt like home.

but when you enter the cottage this time, you almost can't recognize it. a complete revamp, the white and brown is different, but also fitting in a way... and you think you can probably grow to like the more modern approach.

"good morning, miss," mr. choi calls out, and you send a greeting in return, observing as he move around the table to set up what looks like tea.

"would you like some soup, miss?"

you shake your head, quick to mimic san when he goes to take a seat at the table, occupying the one across from him.

"it's okay, i'll take some tea. i ate before i came here."

you're on your best behavior, hands curled together on your lap and watching the father-son duo with intrigued eyes as mr. choi places the bowl of soup in front of san, the younger boy proceeding to thank him with a smile.

dimples. you just noticed san has dimples when he smiles. how cute.

if anything, seeing how effortlessly the two interact and how genuinely happy they look around each other, it's beautiful but also disheartening because you don't remember the last time you even smiled in front of your father.

"your father goes out a lot?" mr. choi asks, finally settling down.

"he's always busy, and when he's not, he's usually in the office all day."

"that's understandable. he probably has a lot on his plate."

you know he has a lot of things to look after, but you don't know what that has to do with you. does being too busy justify confining your daughter and keeping her away from possibly discovering something much bigger?

san catches the indifferent look on you, but you're already moving the subject along.

"this rose tea is good," you say after tasting. "my father's cook, min, knows all about tea. i learned how to tell the difference between them from her."

mr. choi breaks out into an endearing smile.

"you are an interesting one, young miss."

you stay to help with the dishes and cleaning, feeling this is the most you can do for bothering the pair, before announcing your departure of the day.

san is even nice enough to walk you halfway, watching until you make it back to the house safely, your chest can't help but to feel strangely tight because you've lived with people twice your age for so long, it's relieving and nice to have a boy you might be able to share one or two common interest with.

the monday your father leaves for his meeting, you head out to the field again, picnic basket in one hand and walking until you spot a harvest truck along with the boy you're looking for.

"hi," your voice ring in san's ear, making him jump a little before losing himself shortly in your giggle.

"what's going on?" you ask, scanning the many boxes and baskets of produce sitting on the truck.

"just getting everything ready for tomorrow."

that's when you recall that usually after manshik was done harvesting, he would leave for a couple of days out of town to sell it at the local market.

you always asked every time if he could take you along, but he said it was too risky since the market is an hour away by driving and you had to be home before your father's return.

"to the town nearby, right?"

san nods, picking up a box of watermelons that was on the ground, packing it onto the truck and pushing to make space.

"that would be correct."

this is your chance to see another part of the world; what it's like outside of the farmhouse and there's no way you're letting it slip. even if denial takes you, it's worth a try, at least.

"can i come with?"

san snaps to you with those brows that you've seen on more than one occasion--honestly a look on him that is very attractive.

"i'd have to ask my father, since i heard that yours is a little tight."

you roll your eyes and scoff, attempting to come up with another way to convince him.

"i brought sugar cookies." you open the basket and pry one out, wiggling it in the air as san gives you a puzzling expression.

"i'm not taking any bribe--" he's cut off by the sweet tasting flavor of the cookie shoved in his mouth, the way his eyes swell erupting another giggle from you.

"this cookie is good." he takes it upon himself to finish the rest.

"it is."

"i'd still have to ask my father, though. he's out clearing the rest of the field, but you should have an answer by tomorrow morning. wake up extra early in case he says yes so you will have the time to get ready."

you bob your head like a hungry dog, just elevated at the possibility of getting the hell out of here for once.

"got it! i'll be back in the morning." you untangle the basket of cookies, handing it to him. "i made this for you and your father as a thank you for the breakfast yesterday."

he smile tenderly, accepting the offer.

"i'm gonna have to head back, so, see you in the morning tomorrow." you wave, already backing up. "thank you, san!"

he chuckles at the sight of you scuttling along the grasses and back into the house. you definitely are an interesting one.

your appearance is expected when he sees you skipping from a mile away until you stop next to him with heels digging the ground, chest leaned in and hands behind your back, speaking in a sweet tone, "so, what did your father say?"

he does a last once-over of everything on the truck before shutting off the back, head turning to you.

"he said you can come, but you'd have to return before the sun sets."

his words feeling as if you've finally been released as a prisoner, your feet all of a sudden jittery and unable to relax at the pure excitement, san even thinks you might burst any second.

"thank you thank you!"

you leap in for a hug without much thought, his body tensing at the sudden intimacy that makes him clear his throat, only staring dumbfoundedly as you pull away with a smile, emitting a floral scent that whisks past his nose.

"you're welcome," he replies, fighting a smaller smile of his own.

already thinking of what to bring to town, your face light up instantly at an idea.

"are you free right now, san?"

he presses his lips together and nods.

"i should be. we got pretty much everything. just waiting on my father."

"perfect. well then, would you like to accompany me to the river nearby?"

"oh? i didn't even know there was one."

"there is, let me show you!"

you snatch his wrist and he has to keep from tripping at how fast you're going, it must be some kind of skill to be able to do it in those heels.

when you insist to take the cruiser bike, he makes you get in the passenger seat instead, pointing out the directions for him as he cycles down the dirt road.

"keep your hold tight if you don't want to fall off," he mumbles from the front, with you following through as you practically suffocate his tiny waist, peeking your head out from his shoulders so you can tell him to turn left.

"you can stop here."

you fly off the bike immediately, not even bothering to wait for san to properly break. he can only snicker to himself watching as you skip to the open field of daisies with your bouncy dress that is a little too short.

"this place is beautiful," he comments, walking over as the plain grass brushes his legs, admiring the scenery of the river that sits in the middle of all the trees with the sun shining brightly behind it.

"isn't it?" you say in a high pitch, standing up and handing him a daisy that was picked out, but he just continues gawking, only giving in when you force it up his nose.

you pat and straighten the back of your skirt, sitting down to stare ahead at the view with san crouching into the same position.

"manshik would always take me here to pick out daisies," you say, prompting him to turn his head to your side profile.

"you seem very close to him."

"i was. he was like a father to me more than my actual father."

"you don't have a good relationship with your father?"

a deep sigh departs, combined with the drop of your chest.

"well how could i? he keeps me locked up in the farm like an animal. that's why i can't wait to get out of here."

"so you've never like... been out of the farm at all? not even to the forest or local places nearby?"

"i've been out before, to my knowledge. but that was when my mother was still alive and my father was nothing like the man he is now. i was also too young to remember anything. other than that, everything i know about the world outside the farm is from stories i've heard by my father's workers."

san's eyes grow into a mix of sympathy but also sadness, the thought of being confined to a single place your entire life and shut off from the world sounds like an absolute nightmare.

"sorry to hear..."

"it's fine. i've learned to work my way around it, which is why i'm always bothering you and your father, though manshik probably got it the worst."

he lets out a dry but genuine laughter.

"so really, thank you for this opportunity. i know i'm a handful."

"not at all. it is my pleasure. if you have anything in mind you'd like to do when you get there, let me know."

he smiles, gaze meeting your own when you finally turn to look at him.

"my father's cook, min, told me that manshik might have been buried in the town nearby. i came here because i wanted to pick out some daisies for his offering. do you think you can take me when we get there?" you wait for his answer, eyelashes blinking in anticipation.

"shouldn't be a problem. the town only has one gravesite."

"thank you so much, san. i really appreciate it!"

-

before leaving, you hurry back inside the house to get the last item on your list, bidding goodbyes to min and hyunjoo with a promise that you'll be back before your father's return in order to spare the two a heart attack.

the two older ladies unable to do anything else but sigh and shake their heads at the troublesome but understandable curiosity of yours.

you sit by the window, san squashed in middle of you and his father who's driving the truck.

within just the first fifteen minutes of the trip, he has to bite back an amused smile at how you ooh and ahh at even the dark and grimy forest that surrounds the area outside the farm, confirming you weren't exaggerating about the confinement.

"squirrel," you suddenly say, head out the window and butt off of your seat, san has to grab at your belt, afraid you really might fall off.

"there's plenty of them in town." he forces you back down. "now before you fly out."

you cross your arms and brush it off with a scoff, the excitement contained for a minute before catching a stream on the other side shielded by the rocks and trees, but the sound is evidence of its existence.

"that must flow back to the river," you comment.

"oh yeah, that makes sense," san agrees, the realization just hitting him.

he's never really paid much attention when commuting through the forest; not to the animals or the surrounding because he's seen many wildlife and passed many rivers and streams, it sometimes fly over his head.

the journey through the tall trees and sound of nature continues until you can see the light from the sun attempting to sneak through, eventually hitting a road that looks like it stretches out forever into nothingness.

mr. choi tells you that the forest didn't use to have a path that was easily accessible for traveling back and forth, so it either had to be done on foot or a much longer route needed to be taken in order to reach the other side. but over the last decade or so, it must had been a real hassle, a path was made.

"we're almost to the outskirt of town," san announces, and a few more silent strolls down the road, you can see a couple houses from the distance and some livestocks decorating the open field.

you're like a fish fresh out of water when the truck finally comes to a stop, amazed by the life and never-ending chitters around you that makes everything feel so alive.

"let's go," mr. choi says with a smile, san nodding his head in the direction of the door for you to open it.

your feet now on cement, nothing like the soils or grasses you're used to back at the farm, so it's different, but a good different.

"okay, enough of being in awe for now. we have to set up the stall first, then i'll take you around the town after," san's voice from behind takes you out of the fascination, along with the slamming of the car door.

"got it." you nod obediently, watching san run to the back to help mr. choi unload some of the boxes and baskets and then carrying it to the empty stall nearby.

you stand in spot, feeling completely useless and if you should help though your hands are full from clutching a book and bouquet of daisies.

seeing as they're coming back, you think about throwing the items into the car to make yourself useful when an unfamiliar voice kicks the thought out of your head.

"well well well, we haven't seen him in barely a couple of weeks, and he's already returned with a lover?"

you snap to the new arrivals, both of them settling to the left of you with the boy that had just spoken shooting a simple smile when he meets your gaze.

"she's not my lover," san replies, stopping in front of you three only to pry away to grab another box. "she's my boss's daughter."

"oh?" the other one says, you notice he's much taller than the first. "then your boss must've put a lot of trust in you if you're bringing her here."

san rolls his eyes and looks utterly annoyed, you've never seen him in that state before, it's almost humorous.

"what is your name, your majesty?" the first boy that spoke turns to you again.

"your majesty?" san repeats, the ridiculousness makes him want to roll his eyes once more. "will you guys stop yapping your mouth and help me and my dad out?"

"geez, so bossy you are," he sighs out but goes to help anyway with the other boy following behind.

after everything on the truck's been taken care of, you try to contain a giggle at the sight of all the men exhaling and trying to catch their breath, hands on their waist and all.

you wanted to help but they insisted they got it--as quoted by one of the new boy: "a proper lady like you shouldn't ever have to work hard."

"well, shit," the taller one says, being the first to get a word out of the bunch. "anyone up for a drink? heard the bar's having a deal today."

"i'm in." the other raises his hand. "this is also a perfect opportunity to introduce one another. we don't even know the pretty lady's name, yet."

"there will be no drinking and no learning about each other. y/n has to be back before the sun sets, and if you guys already can't see, me and father are a little busy."

"y/n... that's a pretty name," says the shorter boy. "okay, since san wants to be a major buzzkill, then maybe another time, your majesty?"

you nod at that, a smile on your lips.

"yeah, maybe another time." you hope.

the two goes off, waving until they can't anymore and disappearing out of sight.

"sorry, those are my idiot friends, also known as hongjoong and seonghwa."

you chuckle, shaking your head.

"no worries, they were fun."

and you were glad to see others who looks close to your age, swearing you'll never take that for granted given the circumstances you grew up with.

"i'll take you to the gravesite after this," san brings up, assuring he hasn't forgotten.

--

"so you're sure he was buried here?"

"again, it's only a might. but i can't think of anywhere else. if we can't find him, we'll just return back to the center."

"he didn't have any friends? families? do you know where he's from?"

"well..." you drag, at the same time attempting to catch up to san as he takes a big step up the hill. "he's never talked about it."

from your knowledge, manshik only left the farm for work, otherwise, he practically lived there. if he had friends or families, you don't know about them.

the man had a heart of gold, but he was a very mysterious person. you wish you would've asked more about him while he was alive because now thinking of it, you don't even know his last name--praying there doesn't happen to be another manshik at the site.

"we'll have to see," san says, coming to a stop at the top. "here it is. the only gravesite in the town."

it's rather small, with only a dark metal half-fence running around the entire site. you enter it first, glancing back at san, "can you help me look for his name?"

"of course."

you're careful to not knock into any other headstones, treading the area slowly to read each of the names.

"i think i found it," san calls from a few feet away, your head shooting up and hopping to where he is.

"cho manshik," you read the writing. "right! i think it was something like that."

if you think about it hard enough, digging into the deepest scrap of your memories, you could've swear manshik was a cho.

bending down on your knees, you place the bouquet of daisies in front of the headstone first before neatly adjusting the book next to it, closing your eyes to wish him a few words before getting up and bowing one last time.

"i hope i don't sound rude or anything, but why a book?" san asks on the trip back.

"that was manshik's favorite book," you answer with a proud smile. "he would always have me read it to him."

"ooh..." he sings, "what was it about?"

"a true love story. manshik loved those, but especially this one because the two main characters were able to overcome hardships because of love."

san hums, quirking his lips to the side. "interesting."

but he nearly crashes into you when you come to an abrupt stop, turning to him with a question dying to get out. the entire time all you've been talking about is yourself, you wish to learn more about him, too.

"tell me san, where are you from? do you have any other family members?"

he chuckles, those dimples making an appearance again, and san really is so handsome... especially up close.

"i'm from a village not too far from here, you can reach it by foot. as for your second question, yes. me and my father came to find work but on the occasion we do get time off, we return to the village to stay with my mother."

"ah..." you take in the new information. "that's where you guys will be staying for the next couple of days?"

he nods. "yes. it's much closer than the farm, and it's convenient."

you're already dreading the days to come knowing there won't be anything to kill time with, and also no farmboy your age to bother, all you can hope for is that it will pass quick enough.

when you don't say anything, he's the one to talk again.

"let's continue heading back. if you want to look around once we get there, feel free to. i'm gonna help my father in hopefully selling a few, then we can start getting ready to take you home. the sooner the better since it's an hour drive."

--

despite the few jewelry and book stores that catches your eye, you decide to help san and mr. choi instead, a choice that you're glad to have made.

getting to talk to people of all kinds and trying to persuade them is an experience like never before, it was hard to get back in the truck and wait for the return of your mundane life because the closer san gets to the forest, you know it's coming.

your arms are out the window with your chin resting on top, staring out at scene and dwelling in the breeze, head already in a daydream about the day you'll get to come back.

when san announces the arrival, you nearly groan out.

"we're here, your majesty." he pries the door open when there's no movements, leaving you with no choice but to step out of the truck like a sulky child.

"what's wrong? not so happy to come back to the farm?"

"i'll be happy to be anywhere else but the farm," you snark, to which he responds immediately with a sweet-sounding laughter.

"it won't be the last time," he tries assuring.

"i hope," you say sharply, a silence hanging in the air until a question takes over. "how long are you guys going to be staying in town again?"

"hmm..." his lips tremble in the process. "maybe three to four days? it really depends on the sales."

"oh," you mumble, "then, can you do me a favor?"

"yeah, sure."

"can you get me a new book? any book! or maybe two. i haven't read anything new in months since hyunjoo hasn't been bringing in any. and lastly, if you can also get me a new vase, that'd be appreciated. i will make sure to pay you back every penny if you do."

san smiles at the request and nods.

"i'd be happy to."

"thank you so much!" you squeal, jumping in to give him a hug again, the touch sparking something inside of san that makes his cheeks glow a bright red.

"yeah, you're welcome," he tries saying nonchalantly when drawing back, fortunate you're as equally clueless when it comes to love despite having read countless novels about it.

"i-i uhm, gotta head back before it gets darker."

"safe driving, san! and see you in three or four days!" you wave, observing until the very last moment you can no longer make out the truck through the forest trees.

you wish you could tell your father that he's wrong. that the stories you've heard from books, and from min and hyunjoo are true; the outside a big place full of mismatched people with all kinds of smiles and personalities--nothing cruel like your father said they are.

the world is also beautiful, so many more lands and acres to explore, your curious heart that yearns for adventure and knowledge also wants no more than to just be a part of that world.

you've lost count of how many times you'd peek out the window or run out with your heels the minute your father leaves, expecting to see the boy with his father in the field because they happened to return early.

every time, you're met with disappointment. no father or son in sight, just the swaying of grasses as the birds chirp and fly high above the other side.

on the fifth day, almost a week since you've seen them, the revving of an engine outside the window picks your head up from the book you're reading, looking out to see that familiar red truck coming from the forest, absolutely overjoyed that you nearly knock into hyunjoo on the way out.

"you guys are back!" you jump in pure ecstasy once the car is parked and san crawls out the door, an amused smile still on his face at the image of you running all the way to the other side still ingrained in his head.

you look so happy, wide smile on and all, it does something to his heart at the fact you were waiting for him (and his father) all this time. it's similar to coming home and knowing his mother is there. the feeling sure does feel nice.

"yeah," he responds, attempting to hold back a laughter this time, seeing you're not even wearing any shoes. just how excited were you?

"how did sales go?" you ask, waving back to mr. choi when he greets you from the other side before walking off into the cottage.

"took an additional day than predicted but we managed to sell out. that was only the first batch, though. we would need to return next week after clearing the field again."

only a second after, he immediately recognizes that mischievous look in your eyes, the way your face lights up with an idea.

"can i come again?" your voice drops into that overly sweet tone that makes him chuckle a little, unable to resist.

"i'm sure my father is fine with it, as long as we follow last time," he confirms, snapping his neck back to the car when the reminder floods in. "i almost forgot."

you observe as he digs into the car seat, coming back with his hands full, gasping under your breath because you literally forgot, mind entirely clouded by nothing but the return.

"i have no idea what these books are about, but i asked the lady at the front for some recommendation on romance and she gave me these."

he hands it to you before continuing, "also wasn't sure what kind of vase you had in mind so i just picked this one out."

you accept the white ceramic vase into your hold graciously, smiling up at him through your teeth.

"thank you, san! they are perfect!"

he watch as you admire the new items with a pretty smile on your lips, the sight all of a sudden making his cheeks heat up again... you always do this.

he does think you're so pretty, probably the prettiest thing he's seen in his life, always with your floral dresses and curled hair stuck in a bow.

but when you're so sweet and kind, the closer you get to him; touch him, it makes him feel a certain way... similar to the way he'd get when hongjoong or seonghwa would pass around photos of naked women they ripped off of cheap publications... it's like that but also something else.

"how much was it altogether?" your question rips him away from the thought and to your innocent blinking lashes.

"oh no, it's fine. take it as a gift."

he's surprise he even managed without stuttering, never thinking that the exchange would make him so tense and nervous in the first place.

you frown, shaking your head.

"i couldn't do that. not after what i made you go through. here, take this."

when you move everything over to one arm, his brows raises in confusion on what exactly you're going to do, only for his body to freeze on the spot at your free hand shoved in your bra for much too long before getting out a couple rolled-up dollars.

"got it!" you declare as if it's an achievement, gaze moving to him, "here."

he swallows the knot in his throat, accepting the offer with a simple thank, afraid that putting up a fight would be much worse.

"i'm gonna go put these items away first... and hopefully put on some shoes, too," you say, looking down at your dirty feet, the comment actually bringing a genuine smile out of san, "i'll be back."

he nods, eyes tracing your figure that grows farther away, staring at the dollars you gave him again... dollars that probably had been sitting in between your boobs all day--and, what the fuck is wrong with him.

sighing one last time, he decides to retreat to the cottage, because maybe his father might have something for him that will hopefully be able to distract the thoughts of you for now.

san is still as nice as ever; helping and guiding you, and always answering any questions you have. the only problem is, he's just been slightly distant.

if you're both walking out to the field, he's at least a feet away. and if he's teaching you how to trim or pick out the produce, he does so with a good amount of distance and care, almost if he's trying to avoid touching you.

it's not like you guys were super close before or even ever did things together in the proximity of each other for this long, but it does hurt a little that you're barely able to hold a conversation with him anymore.

you've yet to pick out daisies for the new vase so you figure you'll ask san to come with, and if there's anything to talk through, you'll do so at the river shielded by everything else.

mr. choi is alone on the field when passing by, informing you san's still in the house and you're thinking the situation can't be more perfect.

"hello?" you echo upon entrance, the door unlocked most of the time since there's little chance of anyone wandering into the farm.

silence.

you make way to san's room, hearing the running of water from the bathroom and concluding he's in there, you make yourself comfortable on the end of his bed, sitting on top his blanket and nosy eyes roaming the decorations.

it's simple and plain, not really anything reminiscing of a young adult male but you also realize he probably didn't have much say. that your father probably just threw out all of manshik's things and hauled someone else in for a quick renovation.

the sound of water stops at the same time you shift uncomfortably at what feels like something protruding under the blanket, hopping out of the seat to yank it with the revelation turning your entire face a deep red.

you're so flustered you don't even hear the bathroom door shutting and san walking into the room to see you just standing there dumbfoundedly, tracing your gaze to the few stacks of photos he had made sure to hide. photos hongjoong and seonghwa gave him.

he rushes over to pull the blanket back in its spot, cheeks now as red as yours, if not, even more.

"y/n, what are you doing in my room?" he tries holding his voice firm to keep from the embarrassment overtaking his system.

"i-i wanted to come by to ask if you can go with me to the river..." your volume is low, unable to read his expression whether he's angry or not. "and your dad told me you were still inside."

he exhales, running one hand through his hair. he don't mean to come off so irritated but he don't know how else to contain the situation. what exactly do you say to a girl who finds you with naked photos of other girls?

"you could've waited for me on the couch or something."

"sorry..." you stare at your feet. "it's okay if you can't go. you seem... busy."

san can almost choke at your choice of word. why would you say it like that? he shakes his head, attempting to keep the composure.

"no, i'll go with you. just let me change first."

--

the trip there is a lot less awkward than you had thought.

it's relaxing even, with how the breeze travels past your skin and swoops your hair as it dances in the wind. your hands clasped onto san's tiny waist for balance, and your head leaning on his back as he cycles along the dirt road.

when the destination is reached, you're quick to hop off racing to the open field, maybe to distract yourself from what just happened though bits of it still lingers in the back of your mind.

san is behind and taking his time, even more desperate to rid of the recent event, staying quiet and keeping to himself while he watches you pick the daisies one by one.

you usually wore dresses--short dresses, and maybe his eyes might've lingered on your exposed legs due to it a few (or a couple) times, but the skirt you're wearing today is extra short, and your top is cut very low, he can practically see your cleavage from where he's standing.

the sudden image of your fingers digging through your bra, pressing your breast against the other, he still remembers how soft it looks, and how--

"san!" your voice snaps him out, meeting eyes that already leveled his own when you were still just ripping out daisies last he recalled.

"oh shit, i'm sorry. what happened?"

"what's wrong with you?" you frown, arms coming up to cover your upper half. "you were staring at my breasts!"

the accusation sends him into a whirl of panic.

"i-i wasn't, i was just--"

"--yes you were, don't lie. i saw it."

you huff, stepping around him before turning again.

"first, you were looking at photos of other naked women and now you're checking me out--"

"--don't say it like that," he cuts, now more offended than embarrassed that he sounds like a complete pervert.

"then how do you want me to say it?"

"i'm just--i'm just going through something, okay?" like that's all the explanation that's needed for his recent behaviors, but you're still standing there unconvinced, eager to get to the root.

"well, what is it?"

the conversation and topic isn't easy, especially to a girl of his age, more so one who's the cause of it; that the reason he's been making use of sexually explicit photos from his friends and stealing glances where he shouldn't is because of the ache in his pants.

any slightest gesture from you drives him absolutely crazy, sweet or not sweet. he thinks you should know that, given how much you probably stick your nose in romance novels.

"haven't you ever like... read erotica or something?" he says, almost irritatingly he has to spell it out.

"what? no."

the tangent on the tip of your tongue about why you don't do any of that, not because your father raised you to be pure and lady-like, stripped away from the idea of seeking a man only for pleasure, but you just prefer simpler romance.

ones where you can lose yourself in a daydream; the retelling of looking in the other's eye and knowing they're the one. cheesy, sappy romance.

san's message hits you halfway into your thoughts, staring back at him and growing flustered.

you may have spent more than half your life confined to the farm, but you're no hermit completely deprived of civilization.

if san's trying to say what you think he is, you're not sure how to feel about it.

--

when you don't show the next day, san believes that he have officially ran you off. creeped you out so bad even the hunt for knowledge and adventure can't bring you out of hiding.

the day after, when he and his father is set to leave to town, car parked in front of your house to adjust some of the boxes, he's surprise when the front door comes flailing, the sound hard to miss even from where he's standing.

you pop from under the hood, hair half-tied the way you always have it and with a different floral dress, the only thing in your hand a lone daisy.

"hi," you speak, it being almost as low as a whisper.

san blinks down at you and throw on a smile, unable to comprehend that it's only been a day and his body is reacting as if you've been gone for a month.

"hi."

"can i still come?" there's a shyness to your voice, maybe a little bit of shame that you chickened out yesterday only to show again at your own convenience.

but it wasn't that you were trying to avoid him after what happened. you were just trying to sort out your feelings and needed to be away for better judgment.

you spent so long cradling the concept of romance, your head always in books and viewing the idea through a rose-coloured glass.

but that's all romance's been to you--a fantasy in writing form that you think would be nice. think it'd be good to have someone by your side who loves you so much, they'd sacrifice everything.

now, you're starting to feel a lot like the female protagonists you'd curse at because how can they be so foolish and hesitant when it comes to love.

you just couldn't predict you would actually get into a situation with a boy who, maybe, probably takes a small interest in you--only possibly.

and to experience it for the first time, you learn that the concept is actually a bit scary. consuming. nerve-racking.

it makes your heart beat faster in your chest, your fingers and legs tense and nervous, and butterflies swoops your stomach sitting next to him as your eyes shy away when he'd accidentally meet yours.

he really is so handsome, kind, and always gentle with not only you but everything he comes in contact with, and you're not only saying that because he's one of the few guys your age (out of three) you know of.

as soon as you three arrive in town, seonghwa and hongjoong along with two new faces you've never seen before, comes shoving through the commotion and make a circle around the truck.

"look who finally showed again," hongjoong quips, one side of his body leaning on the parked car.

"yeah, but he only showed for work. he's not gonna want to go grab a drink with us," seonghwa adds, gaze caught in yours shortly after.

"but at least y/n's here. maybe she won't mind?"

"y/n," says a blonde one from behind seonghwa, "didn't know san got a girlfriend."

the scene brings a chuckle out of mr. choi, sorting through the items before leaving you youngsters to talk among yourselves.

"she's not san's girlfriend," hongjoong turns to the boy in correction, from the corner of your eye seeing as san already start huffing in annoyance, "she's his boss's daughter he just so happens to always bring along these trips, that's it."

"interesting," hums the other one, closer to hongjoong's height and dark haired, pushing past the other boys until he's standing in front of you. "i'm wooyoung, it's a pleasure meeting you."

you're about to return his greeting when san beats you to it.

"how jobless are you guys to both, be waiting on my arrival, and to even have the time to blurt so many nonsense?" he's snarky, but with a hint of playfulness.

"uhm, excuse me," wooyoung retorts, "ain't nobody faster at clearing the field than us, that's why we're gonna be in town all day."

"what, so you guys can get high off your asses?"

"no other way to do it after long days of work!"

the group of boys continues teasing san in the name of affection, eventually helping him and his father out while blabbering even more nonsense before moving onto sharing stories.

they tell you of how all eight of them--yes, eight, met and came to form the crazy friendship they have to this day. boys from the same village, they said. growing up and finding similarities in each other, they also learned to lean on one another through the hardships of life.

you find the blonde one is named yeosang, and the other three who isn't here currently are yunho, mingi, and jongho being the youngest of the group.

it's a bit chaotic initially, so many bodies standing around one tiny stall, but soon when most of the population gets out of bed and start migrating to the town center, it's proven to be good for business.

five handsome faces catching onlookers attention and pulling them immediately to the spot as the men smile and thank the flustered customers of mostly women by bagging their items.

you smile endearingly thinking to yourself, these boys are definitely some efficient marketing tool.

"but if there's one thing you need to know about him, is that he talks out of his ass more than half the time," san curses wooyoung's name again, testifying the accuracy of his story of san eating shit.

he didn't eat shit. he just almost did, because stupid ass wooyoung and mingi wanted to visit the gravesite at night and ran like little girls when they heard the branch creaking.

you giggle at that, nodding.

"i believe you."

speaking of gravesite, you told san you're gonna visit manshik again and he insisted to come along which you're grateful for because it's only natural the place gives you the creep.

"but yeah, i hope my friends wasn't too much," he says upon reaching the site.

"not at all!" you shake your head, passionate about the answer because that was the most life you've seen and felt in so long, such a contrast to the dull silence at home you're used to.

all the smiles, laughters, and chitters of the boys poking fun at one another and recalling embarrassing stories done so mischievously but also with a certain fondness that it was an absolute sight to see.

the way they tried including you in everything and asking questions when you're quiet for too long, afraid you might feel left out, bringing in the false sense that you've known them for years though you just met.

you're relieved wonderful people like san and his father has equally wonderful people in their lives.

"if you say so," he ends the conversation there, gaze following your walking figure that is soon on the ground to place the lone daisy the same way before, closing your eyes and wishing that wherever manshik is, he's doing well.

san lets you lead the way again, his steps trailing from behind and watching for anything. one minute you're still maintaining your balance and the next, your body's flailing forward at the rock you missed, nearly landing onto your face if san hadn't rush over to keep you from falling.

his arms nicely wrapped around your waist and face only inches away from yours, his breath practically ghosting over your skin.

he's absolutely beautiful, fox eyes staring back and red cheeks coming into bloom at such proximity, he has to clear his throat and pull away when time seems to have stopped.

"sorry," he mutters almost inaudible, lashes fluttering cutely. and you don't know what comes over suddenly, your body reacting before your mind, hands going to retrieve his.

"it's okay," you whisper, closing off the space with san peering down with the most scared but desperate look on his face until you're flushed against his chest, the thumping of his heartbeat loud to your ears.

he swallows hard and the longest silence ensues after.

you're not exactly sure why you pulled him back and why all instincts jumped when he removed his touch. right now, you just know you wanna kiss him, plumped lips and all taunting your deprived body that wants to experience these things for yourself.

so nervous about love; romance but also wanting someone by your side to call yours.

if he likes you, there's no reason to not give it a chance at least, lifting your feet off the ground and dipping in for a kiss on his frozen lips and coming back down to look for a reaction.

he still doesn't say anything, causing an embarrassment to rose immediately, talking in your small voice, "sorry--"

but his lips is on yours again, grips tight on your hips and messy kisses as if he's done this a thousand times before.

your hands find comfort at the rest of his shoulders, attempting to match his pace the best your virgin lips can.

he pulls back first, soft and gentle push at your hips as you both try catching your breath.

"what was that just now?" he says, brows pinched together and like he's seconds away from laughter.

"i don't know..." you reply, a shy smile on, barely able to look at him because your heart is about to fly out of your chest now that the elephant in the room's finally addressed.

both your bodies stand there in the silence of daylight but it doesn't at all feel awkward.

"san," you call out sweetly, to which he acknowledges with a hum. your grip on his shoulders having moved to fiddling his shirt around his chest.

"do you like me?" your tendency to be frank and honest calls for his own as well.

san doesn't have much experiences, not from the girls in the village or nearby towns not taking interests in him or anything like that, a couple of them giving him the stare before.

but because he's spent most of his life in the field and helping his family, sometimes lucky if he's able to stay in one place for more than a few months, the thought of finding the one despite being of age barely crossing his mind.

he's had curiosity and aches, yes, but that's about as far as it goes.

being around you too long, always walking or running in your pretty heels and dresses just looking like that, but especially with how you treat him, he can say he does like you if that also speaks of how much he likes the kiss just now.

"you could say that." he quirks one side of his lips and you can only smile.

because you understand to an extent you both do want this but everything is new, scary, and a bit unfamiliar, which is why you say it's worth a try though whether it will work or not is beyond your grasp.

the return to the center is different, most of the boys unable to pinpoint what is but that something has changed after the trip and is affecting both of your current behaviors.

san is smiling more, and you're starting to become rather shameless with the glances you'd steal his way. whatever it is, they believe it to be something good for the two of you.

when the time comes and you're to go back, accidentally bumping your shoulder into san's when seated in the car that it sets off that familiar sensation.

the situation still new and excited, hiding a smile and keeping your gaze on the road before falling into a slumber on his shoulder.

"y/n."

you awake at the soft call of your name and a light tap on your head.

"we've arrived."

prying your eyes apart the best you can, you face the boy whose voice and touch it belongs to before he gets out to your side and opens the door.

"thanks," you say on the way out, another gentle hold on your arms to keep from stumbling.

coming into view with the house isn't as terrible as expected, but you don't feel particularly excited about it, too. every reminder of being trapped and stripped of freedom, made worse by the fact you know you won't see san again for a while.

"i should go now," he speaks, hesistant and unsure. "i look forward to seeing you again in a few days."

he only makes it a couple steps to the other side when you shout with a protest of "wait" and is already standing in front of him, so nervous but also eager, going to place a peck on his lips.

"i'll see you soon, san," his name falling off more comfortably now.

you see those cute dimples emerging from his cheeks, his reply the closing to the entire scene.

"i'll see you, y/n."

the days goes by very slowly, as a matter of fact.

you still peek your head out the window but with very little expectations, and by the fourth day, you assume that they will be back tomorrow the same as before.

when the morning of the fifth comes, you take your heels and run out the door anticipating for the appearance of a red truck from the forest trees. but nothing. not a single sign of life outside; not even in the afternoon or evening.

you wait for tomorrow, hopeful and yet to jump into conclusion because there's so many reasons why san and his father couldn't make it back in time.

but it's also the same that day, then the day after, and the one after that, too. progressively, your mind that tried being optimistic about it faltering each time you go out and see they haven't returned.

an entire week of nothing, you take it upon yourself and make way to the cottage that morning, knowing the chance of them actually having arrived days ago unannounced is unlikely, but you wish to be wrong.

and for the first time in your life, you hate that you're actually right. the door locked and no sound from anywhere but your desperate knocking.

you retreat back to the house in defeat.

the following afternoon when you're at table for dinner, fork stabbing your untouched food with a huge brick sitting on your chest, you finally ask min, no longer able to hold back the concerns plaguing your mind.

because she's your father's worker, it's her duty to know about everything that goes on around the farm. not you, though. your father doesn't tell you anything if that isn't obvious by now.

"min," you speak, voice relaxing and nothing at all like the turmoil at the pit of your stomach.

she looks up from wiping the counter with a nervous twitch at the call, but with something so attentive like she was expecting this moment.

"it's been a week and mr. choi and his son hasn't returned. do you know what possibly could be taking them this long?"

she just stands there, staring off into space before moving it to her shoes. she knows something you don't.

"min?" you squeak, all that turmoil and worries starting to seep.

you watch with a racing heart as she throws down the towel and turns to look at you, the pity in her eyes similar to that of when she'd tell the new restrictions your father came up with that is in effect immediately.

"mr. choi and his son has been dismissed."

you have to do a second take at that, convinced for a second you're hearing things, but it's all very real. and despite being strict and on the occasional, cranky, min always have your best interest at heart and would never lie.

"w-what why?" is all that manages to make out of your mouth, though questions are generating at the speed of light.

"your father knew they took you to town and fired them on the spot when he found out. i know he ordered for their things to be taken to them, so they most likely won't be coming back."

"but how did he--"

"someone in town recognized you and reported back to your father, that's all i know for now."

the waves of emotions attacking all at once is unexplainable. anger, hopelessness, guilt.

angry at your father for acting like the tyrant that he is, throwing people away like they're disposable at his own convenience. and because you know the second you bring it up, he will claim to be doing it for your own good. bullshit.

but the rage making you red in the face is nothing compared to the guilt, feeling absolutely awful since this is all your fault. your silly little want for adventure and fun is the cause for the permanent loss of san and his father's job, something they do for a living for the roof over their head and food in their stomach.

thinking back to the last few days, that while they were probably trying to piece everything together again, you were just going on your days like nobody's business.

you're about to be sick, not feeling much mightier than your father.

so you sit there on the stairs with each of the emotions taking turns. the current--frustration and anger winning while waiting for him to come home from his daily meetings or whatever he does. you don't really care.

when the front door creaks open, you're fast to stand up in the already thick air ready for a father-daughter fight in the making.

he's surprise to see you, his sweet daughter that is supposed to listen to him and keep quiet at all time.

"why couldn't you just punish me instead? why did it have to be them?" you're straightforward, not allowing any time for confusion, unable to afford it right now.

your father barely squints his eyes but eventually, he gets the message. hanging his jacket onto the rack and heading for the kitchen instead.

you hate it, the way he always fucking act and talk to you like you're stupid and anything that comes out your mouth is unimportant.

"are you going to talk to me?" your voice is stern right behind him, your father drinking a glass of water before putting it down and turning to you. he isn't moved in the slightest.

"there is nothing to talk about. they went behind my back and got what they deserved."

"how can you even say that," disgust and hurt in your voice. "they have been nothing but amazing, including manshik whose passing i have to find out on my own because you won't tell me anything!"

"you don't need to know anything. they work for me, they're not people for you to become friends with so you can ask them to bring you anywhere."

"then what the hell do you want me to do?" you yelp, the volume quite impressive you didn't think you could ever be this loud and mad before. "you keep me inside this farm like a prisoner! but you know what, at least a prisoner has a variety of people to talk to and have the chance of getting out!"

he closes his eyes and exhale, and you already know what he's going to say next. what he always say.

"i'm only doing this to protect you!"

"no!" you're quick to hit back. "you're only doing it for your own selfish reasons. if you really care about me, i wouldn't be on the brink of madness counting down the minute i lose my sanity because i'm so freaking tired of this stupid farm!"

"y/n," he growls, and you don't like fighting with your father but it feels like it's the last option. all the long years of frustration pent-up coming to the surface in the ugliest way.

"your mother was exactly like you, always so eager and excited to see the world and look what happened to her! do you want to share the same fate as your mother?"

"that doesn't mean i'm gonna end up like her!"

from what you know, your mother liked traveling a lot, especially going from one town to another. then she contracted an illness from one of them; an outbreak, they said. she failed to recover and passed away shortly after.

you never really got to know much about her. you were so young then.

"enough! i don't want to hear you talk about that boy or his father, and i order you to stay inside!"

tears starts welling though the last thing you want to be seen as is weak, you're so upset he never listens to you.

"i hate you!" you shout, storming up the stairs and into your room.

--

no matter what, you can't surrender; let your father win and be confined to this prison for the rest of your life, living the same day over and over again until you're too old to even walk anymore.

another thing, is you're afraid you won't see san ever again. the first boy to make something flutter inside your chest, turning your vision with splashes of pink whenever you look at him, and the boy who you shared the first kiss with.

out of anger, and out of spite, you feel you have to do something.

when midnight creeps in, the moon high above in the sky and the entire interior a dark color, you sneak out of the house, the process actually more simple than you had thought.

maybe your father expected you to follow his orders like before, or that you won't have the guts to go out at such hour or at all, but the internal commotion (and drive) proves to be greater than anything, even completely numbing any sense of fear that would usually come with the nightly wind and an empty forest.

the path to town is straightforward and you have the directions ingrained with just the few trips, biking all the way over there with nothing but the hope you'll be able to find someone who knows san's whereabouts.

he's never told you where the village he resides in is located. worst case scenario, you're going to have to find it yourself.

the town is different at night in comparison to the lively atmosphere you're used to, it looks almost ghostly with how some of the flyers slides on the flooring, the wind blowing strong, and there's practically no one here.

but you catch a light from the corner of your eye, maybe one of the only two building to still be alive. you make way to it, the banner at the front hitting you with familiarity.

wonderland. it is the bar san's friends always talked about going in. feeling a lot more hopeful again, you enter and deduce that even if they aren't here, someone around must have heard of san, at the very least.

your eyes roam the old town bar, small but cozy, before your name falls from someone's lips.

"seonghwa?" you squeak, surprise but relieved to see someone you recognize. just when every ounce of hope was about to fly out of your body.

"i heard san and his father lost their jobs," seonghwa says, after you told him you're looking for san and the older boy bring up the coincidence that he's just about to head home.

"yeah... and it's all my fault because i asked to come along knowing my father would've retaliated if he found out."

"you're being too harsh on yourself. i'm sure san and his father doesn't see it like that."

you sigh out harshly, a short silence passing before speaking again.

"do you know how they're doing right now?"

he shakes his head.

"not really. i haven't spoken to him in like two days. was busy with work and all, just finally got the time to catch a drink tonight. but last i heard, they're on the hunt for work again."

"oh..." you mumble, unable to help the guilt making a reappearance at what he just said.

"again, it's not your fault," he adds before stopping and nodding his head off to one of the houses. "this is my cue. san's should be the first on that turn over at the corner, some colorful garden, it will be hard to miss. good luck."

you nod and thank him courtly before he goes off, the man really so kind and wonderful, a different side to him because you're used to him being the butt of the joke or in the back hiding a laughter.

you put the bike off to the side and approach the door with caution, knocking twice as quiet as you can, not wanting to alert anyone at this hour that you're here trespassing or anything.

the door opens to a woman, friendly smile on and a lot shorter than you, who you can only assume to be san's mother if you followed seonghwa's instructions correctly and didn't wind up on some stranger's door instead.

"hello?" she greets you.

"hi, i was just wondering if--"

but your question is answered when mr. choi pops from behind, an equally welcoming smile on when he recognizes you.

"well hello there, young miss," he says, gesturing for you to come in, your eyes curiously wandering the much smaller home once inside.

"this is the daughter of our previous boss," mr. choi introduces, an embarrass flush growing on your cheeks from the usage of previous.

"are you here by his request?" he asks, and you shake your head, about to apologize for everything and maybe leave out the part where you ran away from home, but really just apologize, when the closing of a door snaps your head that direction and sees san just standing there.

"what are you doing here?" he finally speaks once it's just the two of you outside.

you have been waiting to see him again after an entire week, after sharing a kiss and him confirming the possibility of a feeling being mutual, the way your body reacted at the sight of him is electric.

you also thought he would be happy to see you, or at least look the slightest relieved you came. but that doesn't seem to be the case at all, his face everything but a smile ever since he saw you.

"it's all my fault that you and your father lost your job, and i'm so--"

the rambling is cut when he jumps in with a serious, "you shouldn't be here, y/n." all the sparks and hopes of a sappy reconciliation out the window that moment, the scene nothing reminiscing of any romance novels you've read.

"but my father--"

"--it's cool. we'll just look for work again, it shouldn't be too hard. but please tell me you didn't come all the way over here against your father's wishes just for this."

you can only stare at him, the once soft gaze turning cold, because how can he be so dismissive like it's nothing. you know you came by your own will, but it hurts how small he's making the matters sound.

"i came because i feel awful about what happened, and because..." you're afraid you won't see him again.

it may be some form of puppy love, or just the fondness of one another, or that he's the only guy your age you've ever got to know this closely, or that you're the only girl his age he can hold a conversation with for more than a minute, but you are afraid of losing him.

feared that you will forever be stuck in the farm and won't ever see the dimpled boy who'd accompany you to the river, and who allowed you to see a small part of the world for the first time.

"because i wanted to apologize..." you say defeatedly.

had he reacted differently, the confession for sure would've slipped, but it doesn't look like he wants to hear that right now.

"it's okay, don't worry about it."

the assurance doesn't make it any better; if anything, it might've made you feel worse with the thickest silence gauging the air, and that after everything, this is all he can say.

"you should go back," he starts, the silence sitting for long enough.

"no," you reply, because you understand the circumstances... you do. but you also have the tendency to be frank; honest, always wearing your heart on your sleeve. "i'm not going back."

"you have to." he steps closer, not out of intimacy, but because you can tell he's starting to get frustrated.

"he's never going to let me out again if i go, and especially if he finds out i snuck out of the house, i might as well be good as dead."

now, you're starting to sound a lot like a child throwing a tantrum because they got scolded. you absolutely do not need that given the fact all your father ever does is reprimand your behaviors.

"he's your father, y/n. he wouldn't be that cruel to his own daughter."

"you don't know my father, san."

"no, i don't, but it won't be good for you to stay here. i can take you back before it gets too late."

disappointment, betrayal, and once again, anger, brews in your blood, your chest, and your stomach.

"it's fine. i can go back myself."

san watch as you pick up your bike and walk off, not even bothering to spare him a last glance. but even in the pitched darkness, he was still able to make out your brows closing together and your once pretty smile that turned into a frown.

--

dragging your bike all the way back to the town center, you don't even have the heart to get on it, your mind entirely clouded and if you so happen die on this road; get robbed or held at gunpoint, you probably don't even care.

disappointment, betrayal, and anger still in the deep of your chest, because of all people, you wouldn't have guessed it would come from san.

coming all the way here for him; the sweet boy who told you he likes you and thinking he might be able to help because the relationship was getting somewhere.

now, you just feel foolish; stupid, but more so, hurt.

his voice still loud and echoing, telling you to go back to your father even after everything you've shared with him. because although there's no wounds to show for your father's actions all these years because he doesn't get physical, your heart will be forever scarred.

it will remember the days locked inside your room or house and thinking of all the missed opportunities, or all the could be's if he had let you live like any other kids and grow with the curiosities and constant urges for adventure, instead of at this age where you still seek those things.

the center is empty when you get there, all the lightings already out and you don't even have it in you to be scared of the dark or the fact you're alone.

throwing your bike against the bench, you take a seat to catch your breath, all ideas out at this point. that you might as well go back home and kneel to your father and hope he's lenient enough he'll still let you roam the farm.

minutes of staring into nothingness and listening to the ghostly wind, you finally hear something that makes the goosebumps on your arms rise a little.

steps and breathing that only gets closer and louder, and you're still just frozen in your spot like any character making a stupid decision, ready to accept your fate.

"y/n?"

but the voice's still like music to your ear, turning around so fast to see san just a couple feet away and trying to catch his breath as well.

your body doesn't lie and it reacts to him strongly, gaze softening and the beating of your heart a calm but happy one, because he came after you in the end.

"thank goodness, i was afraid you might've already went too far," he says in between the tired pauses, taking the seat next to you.

you look at him through your blinking lashes, a laughter on the verge of coming out at his state because he's huffing and puffing like no tomorrow. but it's also evidence of how hard and fast he ran.

when you took the official leave, really turning your back on him, he did think it was for the better. because what kind of father, especially yours, would be okay with his daughter choosing someone like him?

he's just a measly farmboy, always out in the sun and field and always traveling to find work. he's meant to find a girl from the same village; fall in love with her and settle down with her. not you.

not someone whose family has made a name for themselves, and especially not someone whose father is yours. it just doesn't work like that.

he was ready to accept it, but then he realizes... he may never see you ever again. and something about that really bothered him.

he's okay with not being able to love you; love a concept still new to him, but it does upset him at the thought of you guys becoming strangers; the other person only a memory of the past. he don't want that.

he will miss you, the first girl he kissed who has an obsession with heels, floral dresses, daisies, and books. and he had a gut feeling that if he lets you go now, he's going to regret it for a long time.

"you came after all..." you mumble, not too long ago so hopeless and lost, but it already feels so much better with him just being here.

"yeah." he nods, moving closer and looking down at you. "are you still upset with me?"

he might've said some things he didn't mean, with the only goal to get you to return because he can't think of any other reasons why you'd want to stay here instead.

"of course," you spit quietly, your lips already trembling with tears threatening to spill just thinking back to how much his words hurt you in that moment.

you're a bit of a crybaby at heart.

"i'm sorry, i was just..." he tries finding the right word but is unable to, opting to wipe the first tear to appear from your eye.

"i feel super bad about what happened, i know i keep saying that, but i do. and because i-i thought you liked me enough--"

"--i do like you," he cuts, beginning to get desperate.

"then why?"

"because..." he fumbles the wording again, his choices usually flowery so he can walk around the truth, but you've been nothing but honest, san could learn a thing or two.

"because even if we were to start something, what good would it do? and how long until we realize it was doomed from the start?"

he may not know a lot about love or romance, but he knows about reality. the hardships and hassle of life, and the possible and impossible.

"i'm just a farmboy, y/n. do you really think you want someone like me?"

you swallow nervously, denial at the tip of your tongue, but you know it holds some truth... that the "difference" is there. but you've never thought of him as lower than you or ever looked down on him and his father for the work they do.

anyone that comes into your life with kindness and respect, you will treasure, always having placed value in a person's heart.

"if i wasn't sure, i wouldn't have came all the way over here."

"but what about your father?"

"what about my father? this is about me and my choices, who cares about him?"

san's about to say something but decides to give you the victory, your tongue always a little sharp and you've always been stubborn.

"alright, well, i'm not about to argue with you again. we should head back." he gets up and holds out a hand, your sulky face turning into a smile that instant.

"i can come?"

he nods, fighting the smile at the sight of you squealing before wrapping your hand around his tightly.

--

you're not sure what the morning has in store for you; the creativity your father is gonna go to in order to get you back, but you just know that right now, your heart feels at rest with the boy you like.

somehow, he was able to convince his parents in letting you two share the same bed, reassuring them a pillow would be put right in the middle for separation, a man and a woman in bed together when they're unmarried still frowned upon... but you would say otherwise.

especially if you guys like each other, you don't see the crime in falling asleep in one another's arms or wanting to just be close; your body desperate for his touch again.

the mattress creeks under the shift of your weight, moving closer to san and snaking an arm around his waist assuming he's asleep, but he instead twitches under your touch and the warmth of his hand caressing your arm makes you jump.

"y/n? what are you doing?"

"i, uh... i just wanted to hug something. it helps me sleep faster," you're quick to come up with something, all the years of sleeping with your stuffed animals, the presence of another human being different in a good way.

he shift and turns over at that, the movements felt on the hold you have around him, knowing he's probably facing you right now but unable to see it with the stupid pillow in the way.

grabbing it only to throw it onto the floor, he's surprise at the boldness, but more so at your eyes in the darkly lit room staring back once he can make out your features better.

"hi," you whisper, a smile on that san can't miss.

"hey."

"were you asleep?"

he shakes his head, his ruffled and messy hair brushing your forehead as he does so.

"i thought you were the one asleep."

"couldn't sleep," you say.

"how come? is it because of your father?"

"kind of, but..." you scoot even closer, both your eyes leveling and lips only inches apart, "i was also thinking about you."

the words jolt san more awake than ever, the reason he was unable to sleep also because of you. the closeness conjuring up that feeling again he's tried to ignore because it made you upset last time.

"what about me were you thinking of?" he edges on, attempting to keep his composure because you're so close and he kind of wants to kiss you again.

"just... how much i like you, i don't know. no matter what my father or anyone else say."

san lets a few seconds of silence pass before he replies, a smile on his lips because he's moved by your words.

"i like you, too. like actually really really like you."

he's still not sure if it's love--or if it's possible to love someone in that short amount of time, but he knows everything is so comfortable and easy with you.

with one hand reaching out to knead the silky skin of your cheek, he takes you in for a kiss. a bit messy but also passionate; desperate. he takes his time, the taste of your lips one he will savor forever.

moving against the other's flesh, you don't know how long you've been kissing him, but as soon as you're pulling apart, you're both catching your breath followed by quiet, happy laughters.

you really do like him so much.

"goodnight, y/n," he mumbles, his voice the perfect one to fall asleep to.

"goodnight, san."

--

despite the rocky start of yesterday, the bits with san last night made you so happy and hopeful, falling into a deep slumber with the thought that you're going to be okay no matter what happens.

but when you wake to the morning sun and a series of muffled voices outside the room, that anxiety and nervousness comes crashing back because although you may have acted tough and cursed your father's name, you're still scared of him to an extent.

walking out, the light from the front door makes you squint before the familiar faces outside it has you already next to san's parents and finding that the two arrivals are none other than your father's men.

"your father has ordered us to bring you home by the end of today," one of them says, at the same time san stalks up behind you.

"well, tell him i'm not coming," you reply, nearly rolling your eyes, already annoyed.

"but miss, you have to."

aware that if you don't give a better reason than simply not wanting to go back, it's gonna be an endless back and forth of 'i don't want to' and 'but you have to', you latch onto the first lie you can think of.

"tell him i'm not coming back because..." you even fumble, buzzing before continuing on," because i already agreed to get married."

everyone snaps to you like you're crazy and maybe you are a little. san giving the widest eyes when you back up to wrap your arms around one of his, snuggling your head with an exaggerated smile at your father's men.

"so if he really wants me to come back, he's going to have to come himself."

your father's men can only sigh and shake their heads before retreating back, a victory smirk on you, but san doesn't look very amused.

--

"i was just buying some time," you explain like a child in trouble, with san sitting across.

because if you had given into your father and went back the second he asked, your life would be no different from before. and worse, he most likely would forbid you from seeing san.

you're more afraid of that than anything. so you buy time so you can be with him a little longer. his soft hand in yours and shy lips that wants to kiss as badly as you do.

because when there's a knock at the front door again, the clock almost striking midnight, you know it's your father. and whether you want to or not, you're most likely gonna have to go back.

when mr. choi welcomes him in, you can't even bother to spare a glance, whether out of spite or embarrassment, you just know you don't want him here.

the first couple of minutes are spent with mandatory introductions, big and welcoming smiles on both of san's parents and a smaller one on your dad before they offer him a drink, and then the real show starts.

"i apologize for my daughter if she troubled you guys in any way, i understand she's a bit careless and often do things on impulse."

you fume through your nose, the only thing holding you back is san's soft squeeze on your hand, intertwining it with yours the second they started talking because he knew it was gonna be needed.

"oh no, she didn't at all!" mr. choi brushes it off, the man always full of respect and fairness unlike your father, who you can tell is actually taken aback that others don't agree you're as troublesome as he makes you out to be.

"i also don't mean to make my visit so short, but as i'm sure you're aware, it's quite late and i hope to make it back as soon as possible."

"no worries." mr. choi nods understandably, "if you guys have to get going, don't feel obligated to stay."

your father only hums in return before standing up and turning to you.

"let's go."

the panic that comes over is fast, your squeeze on san's hand getting tighter because this can't possibly be it. he can't just walk in here, not even bothering to hear you out at the very least, and then walk out and expect you to just follow through.

"i don't want to," it almost sounds like a hiss, but your voice already beginning to sound clogged and nose runny at the few tears that slipped out because your fear is starting to become a reality.

if you go back, you most likely won't see san again.

your father only exasperate, whether he doesn't want to make a scene in front of others or that he's tired of arguing with you since he knows you don't have any other choice.

you can't stay here forever, and he knows that.

"i'll be waiting outside," is all he says, his eyes catching the tight grip you have on san before walking out.

"i-i don't want to go," you say through the tears, staring at san so desperately as he wipes them away with his thumbs.

"you have to."

as much as he doesn't want to tell you that, the sting in his heart now that he knows is going to be much worse later, hiding and keeping you to himself at home just isn't feasible right now.

"i promise," he whispers, closing the distance and looking into your puffy red eyes peering up at him and gauging his words so carefully, "i promise that i'll come visit you."

your lashes flutter at that, heart a little hopeful again.

"you really promise?"

he nods, a handsome smile on his lips before going in to give your forehead a tender kiss.

"i promise."

the silence is deadly the second you finally get into your father's car, even the driver at the front have to clear his throat to cut the thick tension.

only keeping your gaze ahead with a permanent sulky expression, your father's voice emit from beside you.

"that boy, you like him?"

but you don't answer, an eye roll is what you give instead because it should be obvious by now.

even though you've practically ran away as a cry for help, on the verge of leaving the farm and your father for good, not much seems to have changed--for the better or worse.

relieved that he didn't bestow some horrific punishment on you or forever take the privilege of going outside, but also disheartened at the lack of progress.

all the crying and efforts of protesting only to land you two right back to silent dinners, non-existent conversations, and an awkward thick tension always hanging in the air.

at this rate, you don't look forward to anything but the hope that san will keep his promise. but even that's starting to fade the more days passes and that dream feeling so much further away because there doesn't seem to be any signs of that ever coming true.

almost two weeks after, you wake to a disruptive sound outside your window, having to pull at your pillow to your ears so you can continue sleeping.

the door to your bedroom jolts open and has you snapping up to hyunjoo standing there.

"miss, someone's here for you."

making way down the stairs after carelessly throwing something on because who else could possibly be here for you, unless your father has finally came up with how to torture you for the rest of his life.

but when the first fresh air of the morning weather hits you, the first thing in your line of sight to be that familiar red truck, you think you still might be dreaming, the only indication this is all very real is the beating of your heart and how loud it is to your ears.

watching as a figure dig through the car with only their legs and back visible, those shoulders all too recognizable by now that you can't help but call out.

"san?"

if someone could monitor your heart rate right now, the machine might as well explode.

when he finally draws back at the sound of your voice and turn to look over his shoulder, the smallest whimper but the biggest tears of joy leaves you both at once running to him that instant and locking him into a hug.

his sweet-sounding laughter vibrating from the top of your head, and oh, you're about to pass out from happiness.

"you really came," you say after pulling away just enough to look him in the face because you miss him so much.

he nods with a tight-lipped smile, those dimples emerging and you miss them just as much as him.

"good morning, miss," another voice from the other side of the truck has you turning head, stunned to see mr. choi that you can only blink.

"your father came by and offered us the job back," san speaks, your attention moving to him again and so surprised by what he just said, you don't even know how to respond as if waiting for him to say he was joking or something.

because this is all because of your father?

"oh..." your response makes san giggle, your eyes fleeting to his father in the back momentarily as he heads for the cottage.

"would you like to go to town?" he asks, "your father said it's fine as long as you go with me."

"really?"

everything still hard to process and you're holding onto your breath at this point that reality wouldn't be so cruel as to take it all back.

he nods, the hopeful look on you making him as equally happy.

"okay, i'll be back! i just need to change first!" you back up, running inside the house again with jittery feet that brings a chuckle out of san.

returning again with your signature look, hair half tied in a bow, platform heels, and an off shoulder dress, you run to san immediately latching onto his hand.

"let's go!"

"wait," he stops, flinging you until you're staring back with adorable eyes.

"i want to give you something first."

you watch him reach for his pocket before pulling out something, an inaudible gasp leaving when you see what it is. a daisy hairpin.

"i got it a while ago... actually a few days before your father dismissed us. saw it while in town and i really wanted to get it for you," he explains, "turn around."

your back facing him as he goes to clip it beside your bow, shifting around after he's done with the most lovesick smile decorating your lips.

"you suit it," he barely gets out the comment, your arms already wrapped around him again as you make yourself home on his chest.

"thank you so much, san!"

"of course."

he rests his chin on top your head, smoothing out strands of your hair.

"you know, i read somewhere that daisy symbolizes joy, purity, and a new beginning."

you smile at the comment and tighten the hug, like every second spent with him is going to make you burst, never in your life have you experienced this immense of joy before. you don't want to ever let go.

--

the second you both arrive in town, all of the boys you've come to know and love along with three others, starts pushing and tripping one another, eager to be the first to get a word out.

yunho, mingi, and jongho fights to introduce themselves, a welcoming demeanor on all of them and jongho going off about how he couldn't wait to meet you, the girl who stole san's heart and made him completely miserable for the last two weeks.

a/n: it's a bit rushed esp the relationship, i understand. but the way i watched the little mermaid two days after i started writing this so i couldn't resist the similarities sdksldks. anyways, go stream oh boy by red velvet

[mangoshorthand]

If we're insisting on a romantic plotline for Five set up in Season 3

Right. I've heard people saying that Five/Lila was set up from season 3. That all their banter was deliberate foreshadowing or something. Now, I'm not sure if that's something the writers said or if that's just people seeing banter and affection and then attributing it to romance with the benefit of foresight. (If it's the former, then it was set up extremely poorly and frankly I refuse to believe that was the plan).

So, if Five had to have a romance plot in s4, (as Blackman decreed) here's how I would have set it up from season 3 in a way that would hopefully not have seemed too weird/forced.

One of the main gripes people had about that season is that most of the Sparrows were introduced and then discarded quickly, so the introduction of a plotline in which Five has a dynamic with one of them might have gone some way towards helping with this.

Now, I know that pairing Five with a Sparrow is an overused fanfic trope that rarely plays well and it's kinda weird for TWO Hargreeves boys to pair up with their multiverese sisters, BUT we are living under Blackman-law and thus Aidan Gallagher must swap spit with someone as soon as possible after turning 18 so this is the best I have:

I would change/develop (and potentially recast) Jayme. Be prepared...this is long:

Personality/Background

She feels out of place in her family.

She hates the limelight and doesn't cooperate in their branding activities.

Even with Reggie drugged up, life feels just as shitty (maybe shittier) to her being under Marcus' regime.

She's been done with the whole sparrow academy thing since she was a kid and is fascinated by the somethings and nothings of ordinary life.

She has a tendency to 'run away' and do her own thing. The Sparrows see her as unreliable and selfish.

She's cynical and feels no loyalty to the Sparrows as a whole, but she does have personal loyalty to Sloane and Alphonso.

You could put her in the wrong/younger body like Five, which could also be leveraged to put distance between herself and the other sparrows, but I also think that would be too convenient a plot contrivance to play well on screen.

I would keep Season 3's plot largely similar, just with the addition of a friendship between Five and Jayme:

S3 E1+2

Initial fight

Five and Jayme have the same initial fight scene with a little more prominence. It goes roughly the same way but perhaps add a bit more interaction/smack talk between them.

Bar Room conversion

At the point Five is first wearing his retirement outfit, a situation occurs that sees he and Jayme sitting at the bar of the hotel obsidian. There are few hard feelings about the fight. They grouse a little and rub along well even though Five clearly thinks she's a spy.

They get onto the kiss with hallucinatory Delores and Five's whole story comes out.

Jayme thinks the peace and quiet of the apocalypse sounds kind of nice (a notion he thoroughly disabuses her of).

She finds herself oddly touched by Five's devotion to getting home to his family, although she can't really fathom doing the same and finds it hilarious that he continues to insist that she must be a spy because they're her family.

Jayme tells a story of being a child and hiding in the mansion and playing house in a little den where nobody could find her. It was her escape. When she got older, she used to escape the mansion and hitchhike around the country for weeks at a time, enjoying a slice of ordinary life.

Five asks her why she came back every time instead of staying away. She can't answer him, but the answer is obvious to him: she too loves her family and doesn't really know how to live in the real world beyond her childhood 'playing house' in her den.

She strikes back that it takes one to know one, and Five concedes this.

But her story chimes with Five, and this is what catalyses his retirement/roadtrip arc with Klaus.

S3 E3-6

Five is pretty busy so they don't interact again until E7. BUT...

The bar room conversation with Five pricks Jayme's conscience and she throws herself into trying to find Marcus and protecting her family.

The confrontation with Harlan goes similarly except Jayme doesn't die and she is instead devastated about Alphonso's death, making her one of the fiercest advocates for killing Harlan. She's angry that Allison did it and she couldn't.

S3 E7

Before trapping the Kugelblitz in Christoper

Jayme lashes out at Five/all of them. Five correctly intuits that she's still upset about Alphoso and angry she didn't get to kill Harlan.

He comforts her in his uptight way and tells her from experience that killing for revenge/out of anger doesn't do any good, but resonates with her that not being able to save the people you love is a terrible, powerless feeling. He ends in saying that, for what it's worth, she shouldn't feel bad for wanting a normal life.

She hugs him tightly, surprising him. He hugs back stiffly but not unhappily.

Post-Kugel-trapping

Lila encourages Five onto the dancefloor, and Five in turn encourages Jayme onto the dancefloor.

They dance and laugh, and it's clear that they enjoy being dance partners. There are a few cross shots that show them liking one another's company. The last we see them together is somewhere around Lila telling Diego she's pregnant and Luther and Sloane's engagement:

Five and her are slumped on a couch. She said she's glad it's over and she's going to put all this behind her.

He asks what she's going to do. She says she wants to try to be a family without being a Sparrow and find her own way in the world. She's going to open a little coffee shop, grow her own food, find a simple life. What about him?

He tells her that his road trip with Klaus didn't go as planned, so he's planning to get nice convertible and go travelling for a while. She says that he'd better put her coffee shop on his route. He replies that he'd like that, and then leaves to find Viktor.

Right before the Kugel-splosion

She is in the conversation with Ben, Christopher and Fei and states her intent to leave and have nothing to do with their plans, but still wants to stay on good terms.

They reject her pretty roundly, and she leaves to go and find Sloane thinking she'll have more luck with her.

And then Christopher blows.

Halfway up the stairs, Jayme is unconscious as a result of some falling rubble, and the expanding Kugelblitz puts her and Ben in equal danger. Five instinctively saves Ben (because he will always choose his family) and Jayme dies in the mansion.

S3 E8-10 (After Jayme's Death)

Five feels guilty and more than a little resentful of Sparrow Ben's assholery given what happened.

His decision to give up the fight and accept the end of the world is somewhat influenced by his bitterness over this.

Otherwise, S3 continues unchanged.

S4 (nearly there)

I would have to rewrite the entire series, but here are the basics:

Jayme crops up again, unable to remember anything until marigold is reintroduced.

She and Five are the ones who get stuck in the subway (or similar plot device that allows years to pass for them while no time passes for Five's siblings). They get together relatively quickly, maybe within a year or so. They have a peaceful few years together growing their own food and trying to coax an old barista station back to life so they can make their own coffee. They're both genuinely happy, Jayme absolutely thrives there, and there would be lots of scenes of Aidan Gallagher kissing someone for Steve to enjoy. (Sorry Steve. Your writing decisions might suck but I'm really giving you a hard time here.)

When Five finds the journal, he hides it from her, although he clearly struggles with himself over it, and becomes unhappy. After a few months of him not being himself, Jayme finally gets it out of him.

When she asks why, Five's all: "Because I choose you. I didn't choose you last time so I'm choosing you this time. I love you blah blah kissy kissy for Steve"

And Jayme's like "Yeah, I appreciate it but I love you too. You wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't leave this behind and go back to your family. I want you to be happy and you can't be happy knowing that you can get back to them."

Five accepts this sadly and thanks her for the little slice of normality and peace they shared together. For a moment it looks like she's going to stay and he's going to leave, but at the last second she joins him. Five is her family now, and so are all the Umbrellas too. She can't keep 'playing house' alone. Wherever they are, she will be happy.

And then the series ends totally differently and they all get their happy endings.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

About Kirbypurrs:

Recently, they made a post talking about a targeted smear campaign against them. As someone who used to be a close friend of theirs, I wanted to share my experiences.

On the surface they're certainly charismatic and easy to talk to, but they've never been able to hold down any relationship deeper than that due to their own faults. In all the time I've known them personally, they've shown to be nothing but an incredibly self-absorbed, toxic, and manipulative person who is unable to accept fault or responsibility for a situation they caused or got wrapped into of their own volition. Time and time again I've given them chances and chances and tried to reach out to them and be understanding and thought the best of them only to be let down by them as a friend and told, actually, I'm the problem, no matter what that situation is. If you try to come up to them about a concern, or tell them you they shouldn't do whatever thing, they will apologize to your face, but in reality, they'll always claim it was a You problem. For example, one time Purrs broke a preestablished rule of our friend group chat. We had that rule written down and put in pins, even. When I told them to stop, they made it out to be me "not letting them speak when something bad happened to them again" and that I was being mean to them by telling them to stop in the first place. This is the kind of person Purrs is. They never apologized about their actions and still think that I wronged them to this day.

Purrs claims that no one has ever come up to them telling them what the issue is. This is BLATANTLY untrue. It is a long, long pattern spanning many years with them that they will avoid confrontation at any costs, even if that confrontation is as simple as a "hey, could you not do this?". They have ghosted people for coming up to them about concerns, and will often dodge around the concern in the first place. Purrs if you're reading this, I have personally tried to reach out to you about concerns only for you to say "I would tell you if I had a problem with you" and then go to the extent of leaving voice chats when I join, softblocking me from your priv, and actively avoiding me wherever I am, without warning or explanation, all for having the audacity to ask you if there was an issue in the first place. And I am not the first person you have done this to, by far. I have personally witnessed you do this to another person not including me, just in the slightly more than a year we were friends. I have spoken to people who were friends with you years before I was friends with you who had the same experience. You have told us stories of how "overbearing" and "clingy" others have been in the past for daring to constantly ask if you had an issue with them due to your poor treatment of them. And despite your claimed "I would tell you if I had a problem with you" attitude, I personally have seen you actively avoid Another two people when they tried to be friendly with you, only for you to shittalk them to absolute hell in our friend group chat about things they could never have known were rubbing you the wrong way, or about things that were, quite frankly, stupid of you to make their fault anyways. Remember that time you got mad at someone because their headcanons were getting more attention than yours? Remember that time you hated someone's guts and ranted about them on multiple occasions in our group chat because you were upset they didn't use tone tags, and then when I said "You should tell them you need tone tags" you got pissed at me instead for not letting you vent? Good times /s

Purrs does not care about fixing problems any problems they cause. They are one of the most hypocritical people I have ever known. If you ever try to act like everything is anything but rainbows and sunshine, they will distance yourself from you and shittalk you behind your back before you even realize. They are the one that will make all these false and exaggerated claims about others. I have witnessed it again and again over situations I was there for, even. Again Purrs, if you are reading this, despite what you think and what you keep telling people, I'm not the reason this supposed smear campaign of yours has come up again. Everyone who speaks ill of you does so because of their own experiences with you. Everyone who I have spoken to about you did not have their opinion changed because of me; those were always their experiences from the start. I just made them realize that this has always been a pattern with you. I'm not going to say that I have never been in the wrong ever, and there are times I genuinely believe you've been unfairly treated and gotten the short end of the stick, but overall in this situation, I know that I am in the right due to the sheer amount of people you've fucked over the exact same way you have me. You are a shitty friend and a shitty person. I cannot express the countless amount of people you have fucked up badly by betraying our trust. It would do everyone well to stay away from you.

To anyone else who has had bad experiences with Purrs, I encourage you to state them on my post. Their behavior has always been a trend, but for the most part, everyone affected has been courteous enough to keep it in the private space. I am done with them playing the victim and I am done with others being hurt by them.

[tumbleweed-run]

Heart Beat

(18+, Explicit) kinktober 2023 Day 13 Heart Beat Bloodweave (background mentions of themxtav)

Gale’s heartbeat had been off-putting at first. Astarion had quickly been able to relegate everyone else’s heart sounds to background noise, except Gale’s. Gale’s heartbeat had been irregular to such a degree that even the constant irregularity hadn’t become regular. It sped up at the oddest times, skipped beats frequently, and when the wizard was at his least stable Astarion had actually become a little concerned he could hear the bomb’s slow detonation. Deep in the night while the others slept, Astarion could only hear the wizard’s.

In an act of self-preservation, Astarion worked hard to try and distance himself. 

Even after the tottering wizard had stabilized the orb, it simply wasn’t normal.

It had been jarring when he first arrived in Waterdeep, the absence of chaos in the wizard’s chest. The wizard’s heartbeat had returned to a normal human tone, often syncing annoyingly with Tav’s. And maybe Astarion had spent more than one early morning watching Gale sleep, listening to see if there was any remaining tick. That was for no one to know but him. 

Part of Astarion hated how attuned he’d become to Gale’s heartbeat, and through it now his moods. Months ago if he’d imagined which of their bizarre crew he might have allowed himself to be sweet on, well, he would have laughed at his own foolishness. Then he would have chosen Tav. 

He was half right. 

It was a strange comradery with Gale, one where they still spent the majority of their time arguing. But, admittedly, without the impending death from all sides, the wizard was… likable. Astarion had never been blind and had always acknowledged Gale’s attractiveness but he’d also done that with Wyll and Halsin and Shadowheart… As much as he’d wanted to strangle each and every one of them at times, at least no one could say they were an ugly group. Even the githyanki had her appeal.

He’d just never imagined Gale being someone he’d willingly kind of live with. 

This is why when he noticed Gale’s heart rate kicking in a way that normally he’d only associated with Tav he was a bit less than personable when he spat out, “She’s not here you know.”

Gale looked at him utterly confused, eyebrows drawn together. 

He didn’t know why the wizard was confused. Tav was… somewhere. Once she’d announced she was leaving for the day Astarion had lost interest. He couldn’t move about in the sun any longer so anything beyond these walls while the sun was out was lost to him. He’d never seen Waterdeep by day and that rubbed him the wrong way. It was best not to think about. 

“You’re thinking about her,” Astarion provided once it was apparent Gale was never going to understand on his own.

“I wasn’t, actually,” Gale asserted with a shake of his head. 

Astarion huffed, amused that the wizard was trying to lie to him. “Your heart rate jumps when you see or think of her,” he explained, “which it did just now.”

Gale’s head cocked to the side, he looked remarkably like Scratch waiting for someone to throw the ball. “My heart rate?”

“Yes, darling, your heart rate.”

“You can hear it?” Gale questioned, eyes going bright with interest. He leaned forward where he was sitting and his hands folded on his lap. Astarion immediately knew this look was one of academic interest. Mentally, he kicked himself as he realized he unwittingly trapped himself into one of Gale’s ‘curiosities.’ 

“I hear a lot of things, I’m a vampire remember?” he sounded more irritable than he really was, hoping to deter Gale’s line of questioning with a sour mood. 

Gale would not be deterred. “Well, yes but very few vampires have assisted in the books written on them. I had assumed enhanced hearing didn’t go that far. Do you hear other bodily sounds as well?”

“What a disgusting way to phrase that,” Astarion said, “and well, yes, I guess I can. But the heart is more important so it’s something I focus on.”

“Yes,” Gale mused his eyes darting toward his desk as if he were considering jumping up to record these details, “being related to the blood I imagine you would.”

Astarion realized he either needed to distract the wizard, leave, or resign himself to hours of torturous and invasive questions. He didn’t really want to leave, there wasn’t much in the rest of the tower but the questions were also something he wanted to avoid. So a distraction it was. 

“What were you thinking about Tav?” Astarion asked quickly as Gale opened his mouth to no doubt ask another series of questions. “I assume it was something filthy,” he drawled. 

Gale’s mouth shut. Astarion waited as a myriad of thoughts ran about the wizard’s face. “I wasn’t,” Gale settled on, his tone unusually neutral. 

Astarion smirked, wondering what dirty thoughts had been going through the other man’s brain, especially given how hard he was working to cover up that he’d actually had them. He turned and stalked towards Gale, pleased to have been finally given something to torture him about. 

Then he heard it. The kick of Gale’s heart once again.

Astarion froze as a realization washed over him. 

It hadn’t been about Tav. It had been about him. 

Oh, dear. 

The way Gale’s eyes widened, he knew that he’d been caught. Curious was putting too mildly a point to Astarion’s feelings. He desperately needed to know exactly what the wizard was thinking. 

“So,” he asked as he resumed stalking toward Gale, “if it wasn’t about Tav, what were you thinking?”

Gale clearly knew that Astarion had realized it had something to do with him, but he was sure the wizard would lie. Which is why it came as a surprise when Gale didn’t.

“That you look… nice,” Gale admitted. 

Astarion smirked finally coming to a stop in front of Gale. “Darling,” he purred, “you don’t sound like that over nice.” He couldn’t stop himself from reaching forward to thread his fingers through the wizard’s hair, leaning over him just slightly. 

A flush rose on Gale’s cheeks, and he cleared his throat but did not answer. 

“What,” Astarion gave a little tug to Gale’s hair and his lips dropped open appealingly, “were you thinking about?” 

Gale swallowed. “You know I find you attractive,” he was still evading the question.

Another tug, less gentle this time, forcing Gale’s head back so that his neck was arched enticingly. “Yes but what had your heart pumping like that? I don’t think all that blood was going to that giant brain of yours.” He glanced down and proved his point. Gale was hard against the front of his trousers. 

Gale’s eyes had gone glassy with Astarion’s manhandling which was certainly a revelation. 

“I want to suck your cock,” the words left Gale as if he hadn’t meant to say them. The look on his face confirmed that he hadn’t. 

Astarion froze once again. 

This was crossing a line that they hadn’t crossed before. Well, it was more like violently catapulting over it. Everything they’d done leading up to this moment had been in front of Tav. This would just be them alone. It removed all sense of security they’d wrapped themselves up in. 

Gale was quickly beginning to look worried, “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Shut up,” Astarion growled. 

Gale did. 

Astarion glanced down at his hand and realized. Realized that he’d crossed the line several minutes ago, the exact moment he’d threaded his hand through Gale’s hair. The wizard of course would let him back out graciously, more than graciously if Astarion never mentioned that he’d actually announced he wanted to suck his cock. It was with trepidation that Astarion realized he didn’t want to back out. 

The silence was weighing heavily on Gale, his eyes had begun darting around nervously. No doubt he would have fled from the room if Astarion’s hand hadn’t been keeping him in place. 

“On your knees,” Astarion ordered after letting it go on just a bit longer. 

Gale moved surprisingly quickly to his knees for someone who often lamented how they hurt. Despite this, once he was there, Gale just waited eyes locked onto the bulge in Astarion’s pants. 

“Fuck,” Astarion hissed when he realized what the wizard was waiting for. 

This wasn’t just Gale being overly cautious about Astarion’s sometimes panic attacks from certain situations. This was waiting for an order. This was submission. 

In the rare moment he’d considered fucking Gale alone he’d assumed they’d both fight for dominance. He’d been almost certain of it after he’d seen how the wizard was with Tav in bed. He’d thought that at best they’d reach and understanding, at worst he’d have to be the one to submit. 

Suddenly, the urge to wreck Gale’s composure was all-consuming.

“Take out my cock if you want it so badly,” Astarion growled through clenched teeth. 

Gale's hands were quick to follow that order, Astarion didn’t miss the way his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Once again, as soon as he’d completed his task, he waited. 

This was intoxicating. 

Gripping his cock with his free hand, Astarion brought it to Gale’s mouth. Teasingly, he brushed the tip across his lips yanking, Gale apparently couldn’t resist darting his tongue out for it. Astarion yanked harshly on the hand still embedded in the wizard’s hair, jerking his head back again. The noise that spilled from Gale was more a moan than anything, and his heart rate enticingly sped up with arousal. 

“Open,” Astarion ordered, tapping his cock off the wizard’s lips once he regained his balance. 

Gale’s mouth fell open, but he did nothing else. 

Astarion took the time to engrain this image in his brain, unsure if he’d be treated to this ever again. “Suck,” he said after some time. 

Gale drew Astarion’s cock into his mouth, only deterred when his lips met the vampire’s hand. He let go, arm falling loosely at his side. Surprisingly the wizard managed to swallow most of him down before retreating. 

At first, it was just as Astarion had expected: eager but skillless. Then Gale grew bolder, licking and sucking with a skill that Astarion recognized as not simply an inborn skill. Sure, the wizard spent a lot of time with his head buried between Tav’s thighs, but men were different. Cocks were different, and apparently, his wasn’t the first in the wizard’s mouth. 

He desperately needed to know, having always assumed the wizard as some kind of sexually repressed prude in his youth. Too wrapped up in magic, in Mystra, to have given his body to others. 

“And how many cocks have been down your throat?” Astarion asked, fingers tightening in Gale’s hair. 

Gale glared up at him. Astarion found he welcomed that defiant spark, the one that fueled almost all of their conversations. But instead of arguing Gale did something devastating with the tip of his tongue against Astarion’s slit. 

“Fuck,” Astarion hissed. He yanked on Gale’s hair, pulling him further onto his cock. He hadn’t meant to and was about to actually apologize when he felt the wizard swallow in an effort to relax his throat. Astarion’s eyes went wide, but instead of taking the invitation, he yanked Gale off of him. 

“I might like it rough, but I do try not to cause lasting harm,” he warned. 

“You wont,” Gale promised sounding very sure of himself. 

Astarion studied the wizard’s face for any sign of reservation. He didn’t find any.

“I am going to find every man who’s fucked your throat and write him a thank you note,” Astarion promised. 

Gale’s smile was wicked. “You’ll be writing a long time.” Then he greedily pulled Astarion’s cock back into his mouth before the vampire could even think to demand that he explain. 

Gale swallowed him down, working his jaw and throat until his nose bumped against Astarion. Astarion let him do this a few times before tightening his grasp on Gale’s hair, a warning. 

In response Gale very deliberately wrapped his hand around Astarion’s calf, digging two of his fingers into the muscle. Astarion realized this as the same motion he’d demonstrated to Tav not very long ago. 

There was no perception in which Astarion was considered green or inexperienced, yet Gale was leaving him upended. All this new knowledge was seriously affecting the image of the wizard he had created. It was leaving him dizzy and far more aroused than it should have. 

Astarion thrust into Gale’s mouth with no further warning, only stopping when he felt the ridges of the other man’s throat. Gale groaned, his other hand moving to hold onto Astarion’s leg for support. There was a soft scrape of teeth when he pulled back, and while Astarion could have ordered him to open wider or even jabbed his thumb into the wizard’s jaw, he relished in the feeling instead. Fucking into his pliant mouth again and again. 

Astarion wanted to come like this, to spill down the wizard’s throat. He intended to, but while he was an asshole, he wasn’t cruel.

“I’m not returning the favor,” Astarion warned, “touch yourself.”

He lightened up on his thrusts, doing so shallowly allowing the wizard’s tongue to massage him instead. Gale took this reprieve to pull his cock out and begin fisting it. Seeing it, Astarion almost regretted his proclamation, at some point he did intend to torture the wizard. 

“Suck,” Astarion ordered, hand falling to the back of Gale’s head. 

Gale did as he was told, sucking even as he had begun fucking into his own hand. He was moaning, the vibrations doing horribly wonderful things to Astarion. His eyes slid shut against his will. 

His head was filled with the slick sound of Gale’s hand on his own cocked, the wet moans around his, and the pounding of the wizard’s heart. It’s what betrayed Gale’s orgasm to Astarion. He opened his eyes to watch as the wizard spilled over his own clothing and hand. 

Astarion pulled Gale’s head against him as the man went pliant. His jaw relaxed totally, allowing the vampire to fuck his throat once more. Astarion didn’t last much longer, the knowledge of whose throat he was fucking pushing him over the edge faster than just the sensation. 

“Shit,” he cursed as he began spilling down Gale’s throat. He gagged now, pulling himself back enough so that Astarion finished in his mouth. Once he’d finished, Gale pulled himself back and held eye contact with Astarion as he very deliberately swallowed. 

They remained like that for some time until the wizard groaned and pushed himself up onto the sofa. 

“Perhaps some warning next time,” Gale complained. 

Astarion didn’t even bother responding, too focused on the words ‘next time.’