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hc: you work from home because your work is haunted but nobody will believe you
And once i started working from home the office seemed less hauntedâŚ
I will say, i have worked in some rather bizarre locations
#most awkward is office in an office#especially when they fight and put you in the middle#but can be fun#like when i was part of the social media#ramdomly hqed in an empty room at Ford Models#also haunted wouldnât phase me much#house growing up was haunted
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be âgoodâ are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like âin defense of menâ when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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God, I'm (yet again) exhausted. What a show. I will say, flaws and all, it's still one of the best animated series I've watched. Ever. No, I don't think it deserves the vitriol it's getting on social media.
I have a LOT of emotions right now. I don't think I'm even thinking straight after watching through everything once. It definitely needs to be re-watched multiple times. No, I'm not offering any kind of insights or anything like that. I think I'm just too emotional seeing my favorite show end.
I really wanna thank the writers, directors, artists, animators, producers, and everyone else who worked on this show for this work of art. It was beautiful, and it's why I love making gifs of this show.
And just because this show has ended, doesn't mean I'll stop making things. There's two whole seasons to work with now. I hope I can have enough free time to post regularly. I still need to make some 8k wallpapers and a ton of gifs haha.
I'll take a break and sleep for now. I'll see what I can make when I wake up tomorrow. I have so many things I want to do, but I also feel like crap and I too, have a life LMAO.
Oh, and I'm still looking forward to the next stories that they tell us! Runeterra truly has amazing lore. Excited to see what's next!
Thank you for all the likes, reblogs, and support you guys give to my lil sideblog! I appreciate you guys so much <3
#personal tag#its arcane.... not everything will be happy fr but gah my heart hurts#ive also allowed replies for now in all gifsets and posts but piss me off and i will block you and close it again#i havent rlly processed everything bc ive been making gifs#but yeah im in fuckin shambles idk what to feel honestly#it rlly hurts to see ppl totally shit on the show you love but i suppose its a sign not to look at social media in general#criticisms are fine but some of them take it a bit too far#the first season was so good (and most ppl watched it with 0 expectations in mind) that the second season had too much to live up to#for what it's worth i still very much enjoyed it even with a few gripes#my grade is like 9.5/10 for s2 while s1 gets like a 11/10 haha#i have a feeling that when i rewatch the show iâll appreciate it more since im less emotional haha the score will prolly go higher#thank you to everyone who was a part of this show <3#anyways its 2am goodnight my goal for the next coming days is a gifset or two a day#thank you everyone ily <3
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I Hope this is good for my first Tumblr post
#I HAVENT SEEN ANYONE DO IT YET#My favorite part is Cecilâs arm#it makes me sad when ppl make Tumblr sexy man posts and donât put him in it#heâs my favorite#cecilsweep2023 will live on forever in my heart#gasterblast Donald Trump 2024#should I tag fandoms like on other social medias?#I donât Post on Tumblr guys I just look at yallâsâs silliness#welcome to night vale#undertale#the oncler#reigan arataka#nagito komaeda#would you believe me if I said Iâve never played Danganronpa or watched Mob Phycho
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me: we are Not going to worsen our life while in a minor depressive episode
the brain: :/
#two things i will now overshare about in the tags:#the number and severity of symptoms i am exhibiting that indicate uhhhhhh#an anxiety disorder that i Don't have. don't want to have please. i fear this.#anyway I'm getting outnumbered. but i am still convinced I'm making it up so anyway#2. bro when u catch a glimpse of ur friends on social media#and the lives they're living and their successes and accomplishments#and ur like damn. yall living out here ?#(and also like. damn. yall feel like u deserve to celebrate yourselves?)#(yall don't feel like a horrible dessicated corpse most of the time emotionally?)#yall is not part of my vernacular i feel the need to say this#hurgle says things#2024 was supposed to be my mentally well year. who the fuck is this#like my depression we are chill i know her. we talk we discuss. we're okay#this new beast though who has been festering in here. i want her to move out............#but i think she might have already set up all her furniture...... and I'm hiding in my room#do u get my metaphors#anyway I'm fine bc I'm used to living like this but i am. unwell.
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If there are a million Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, I am one of them. If there are only two Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, I am one of them (Eva Noblezada is the other). If there are no Reeve Carney as Orpheus fans in the world, Eva Noblezada and I are dead đ
#hadestown#hadestown obc#reeve carney#eva noblezada#seriously im sick and fucking tired of the reeve carney hate on tiktok#'jordan fisher is the only orpheus that matters' 'jordan fisher shouldve originated orpheus on bway'#'they should replace the obc recording with jordan fisher' 'jordan fisher was the best thing to ever happen to hadestown'#shut up!!!!!!!#i adore jordan fisher but you are missing the point of theatre and hating on reeve in the process!!!!!#you can have a favorite but that doesnt mean the actors who are not your favorite shouldnt exist in that role!!!!!#but also your favorite is wrong!!!!#reeve carney brought more autistic swag to orpheus than anyone could possibly recreate!!!#he was naive he was soft spoken he was unaware of social expectations!!!!!#jordan fisher has such a raw powerful voice and thats not what orpheus needs!!!!! hes just a lil guy!!!!#hes just a lil guy who accidentally had a battle of the bands with the devil and won#because he has nothing in his brain except sing and love his girlfriend!!!!!#i love jordan fisher in everything ive ever seen him in and i adore his voice but please stop putting other actors down#im not a huge fan of the way jonjon briones plays hermes but im not out here talking shit about him!!@#or saying he should never have had the part in the first place#(btw i was joking about the 'your favorite is wrong' thing because - again - literally defeats the point of theatre)#please find ways to say that jordan fisher is your favorite without putting reeve carney down#and also please give reeve carney a chance and dont dismiss him just because he is less conventionally attractive#and hip in popular media and on social media#please give the role a chance for what it is and not just which actor you already like#i was pissed when i first found out they were taking damon daunno out for the obc and adding reeve#the only thing id ever seen or heard him in at that point was the live action rocky horror with laverne cox#and he was fucking riffraff#i was mad!!! i didnt think he could do it!!! but i love the show and i gave him a chance and now hes my all time favorite#between both touring casts ive seen and the pre bway cast recording and jordan fisher#just please stop being mean and give him a chance
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I wonât go as far as to say sadness is self-obsession, but I will say that the most helpful thing my futureme letters did was create little snapshots into the past that I would read a whole year in the future and 1) hold empathy for, 2) realize that whatever was tearing me apart back then really wasnât that big of a deal, and 3) honestly cringe a little at it. And thatâs okay! Maybe I was super dramatic over this friend whose name I now barely remember. I was so worried about dropping this one uni class (that I read years in the future when I was already in law school). I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldnât see a way out of the sad hole/spiral I flung myself into for no reason. So wrapped up in myself that I didnât think of a me post-handling the issue. Maybe I was really sad and upset and I had a good reason to be, but maybe-not-maybe, maybe-for-real even, things wound up working out.
And maybe things Iâm stressed and upset about now will wind up working out. Maybe this is a silly story or cute (in a slightly pitiful way) memory for a future version of myself. I know itâs of little comfort in the moment when youâre going through anxieties, but so much fretting comes out of stretching ourselves thin, into shapes and boxes that are really and genuinely not real, but when that clicks in your brain for the first time a lot of things start getting better.
Anyway this was going to be my Twitter post of the day but the character limit is so fucking small and here I can also ramble in the tags, so.
#yes yes destroy the part of you that cringes#however#Cringe is a good tool for yourself if youâre not using it to police your behaviors to arbitrary standards you see on social media#sometimes you acknowledge the silly parts of your own behavior or worries#I will always retell the story#when I was stressed about going back to China right after Iâd moved out#and a wise friend said âstraight up you could just not show up to the airport. Miss your flight.â#and I was like ohhh no no I canât that would be terrible for so many reasons#and itâs like okay. But you *could*.#and that was the moment it clicked for me#I could just fucking miss a flight if I really wanted to#I wouldnât and didnât for a variety of reasons that were all legitimate ones#but after that it was me deciding to do this for societal and familial purposes#not being dictated by those seemingly immovable forces#and over time your boundary gets a little stronger and you realize you only HAVE to do so much.#this is not a call to inaction pls do not interpret as such#this is for the high stress girlies whose lives have always been dictated by expectations#who can hopefully come to realize that they do not have to be#post of the day
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oh! also! while we're on the subject of pride month and Damien and A Neon Darkness, that character of course would be NOTHING without the incredible voice behind him - Charlie Ian. the audiobook of AND is sO GOOD CHARLIE IS SO GOOD and also Charlie is a trans woman and uses she/her pronouns and she and I both thought people might like to know that!!!!
#the bright sessions#damien#and yes she was cool with me making this post!!!!!#i also told her that - like - through the years we had sO many lesbians email and be like#'i'm a lesbian but damien does something to me'#and i'm just saying....the lesbians knew#they knew they were listening to a sexy woman#incredible foresight on their part tbqh#charlie ian#and YES she's still going by charlie!#she's fully out now and when she saw my AND post she texted me and was like 'you should a make a post that's like btw charlie's a woman now#so that's this post! she's not really on social media she never has been#so if you talk about charlie and her amazing work she/her is the way to go!#obviously all my old posts talking about her will be using the wrong pronouns#so this is an update on that#lauren makes things
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1634 make me genuinely ill because there are just.... so few bonds in this sport where you look at them and go. that was 100% meant to happen like that and no one else could've slotted in. like yea, so many of players across the league form close bonds and friendships bc that's the nature of spending a whole part of your life sharing a common goal and space when you're like.. doing this team activity... and guys are constantly befriending ppl and moving on... but auston and mitch it's like. it's almost like THEY feel that they were supposed to have that bond... and go out of their way to reaffirm it at every turn... like they met and got along and loved each other immediately and were so excited to get to play hockey together only to NOT get to for a long while and while they waited, they ??? developed all these rituals. and these things together... their personal routines, things to communicate to each other that they have each other's backs and are building each other into their visions and superstitions and dreams, some of which we'll never know about (unless they'd so kindly like to tell us a la mitch's interview with cabbie where he says maybe some day he'll share the gifts auston's gotten him w the world. tell all book when mitch).. but their gloves and their handshakes and their warmups and even the way they walk into road games and it's jsut. like it's friendship, for sure, obviously. they get along off the ice and make each other laugh the most and have a good time, but it's also the inextricable linking of their own careers. BY THEIR OWN DOING. like they want their names jotted next to each other and that's PART of the chase for this greater goal. yes, they would have been talked about in tandem anyway bc they're out here being the best leafs ever and hitting milestones like 500 points.... 600 points... just weeks apart from each other season to season. but also it's their commitment to each other that makes them talked about too. it's commentators saying they love to play together bc they can see it. they've heard them talk about it. they watch it. "marner to matthews" "matthews to marner". they're always gonna know where each other are.... it makes me . feel. violent with love, lol. makes me feel like some things are definitely meant to be.
#dont even get me started on the way they just slot in next to each other as ppl too#like the perfect complementary pair in SO many ways#having things in common but plenty of things not. to always keep it interesting. adapting n shaping to who is around too#and the way they respect each others opinion and its so. DOCUMENTED. like. auston thinkin hes underrated too fkldjs#ITS JUST SO ? THE CONSTANT LOVE AND SUPPORT ON SOCIAL MEDIA...#MORE THAN FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE . IT GAGS ME... its so simple#feel like ive consumed so much hockey content across the board and the only ppl who compete are like#duos with years and years more on them flksdjfkl#kills me to think abt how much more lore we could know if they werent in toronto as a market liek#how much more open they could and would willingly be fkldsj yet.#part of the whole destiny thing is being there in toronto together too#mitchs home town. auston saddled w the weight of the franchise but also.#feeling like mitch helps him carry it. and hell give him credit any chance he can#co captains fucking when. maybe never but in my ddremas always#its almsot 1am im delirious but ive just#been surfing through some blogs today.. sorting some files on my own computer of them and just the AMOUNT of stuff ive savelkdjklfflkds#STAGGERING. THEY LOVE AEAHC OTHER SO BAD I LITERLALY#AM IN TEARS#1634#who else even does it like this like#i long to be compelled but nothing even touches it. everything else is just. fragments of fiction. WHERE IS THE POETRYY THE FATE THE LONGIN#i need to start a new project or smth im losing my mind
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sometimes it's like. i don't really wanna have an opinion about this in public because i don't feel that strongly. but a lot of people are having ill informed opinions about it and i don't feel i can offer correct information without also an opinion. so i just have to suffer
#this is about nanowrimo lmao#having been involved with nano for fifteen years i can promise it was always a website/organised thing#and there WERE reasons for the website to exist and the community of the forums was a huge part of it#now they totally fucked that up a few years back but originally it was a massive part of it#especially bc when i joined nano twitter was like... barely a thing?#there were so few ways of finding a writing community at the time#very few wordcount trackers you didn't have to build yourself in excel etc#it had reasons to exist at the beginning. i would argue it has much less reason to exist now#but it wasn't a subsequent 'cashing in' on a concept#anyway.#the reason i don't have strong opinions about the current fuckery beyond an eye roll#is that i already walked away from being invested in nano because there has been So. Much. Fuckery#this is a nail in a coffin I'd already accepted was buried#and i get that people are more likely to care about the ai thing#as like. symbolic of wider societal issues or whatever#vs grooming and harassment and racism and firing all the MLs#bc that affects people in the community much more than people inside it#but. look. if you're gonna expound upon it#consider that nanowrimo started in 1999 and forums were THE way to connect with people online#and the website as it grew in the 00s primarily revolved around the forums#and continued to do so through the 2010s#and that no it wasn't just a social media challenge bc social media didn't exist yet#there IS a reason nanowrimo has a centralised website and organisation#it wouldn't exist without them#bc I can't be arsed to explain this again#*more than people OUTSIDE it
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I hate that I was kinda worried about what people on here were gonna say about the finale as if ultimately my own feelings about it are what should matter most to me. catching myself going "oh theyre not gonna like that" multiple times during the episode was so tiring and for whatt
#was it the more optimistic route? yes#we even got a where are they now sequence!!#but i dont think it was badly done at all#though the ceo being thisnopen to changing the rule for the new contract should have been a bit more explored#like the staff and management noticing how its negatively affecting the idols and trainees#or seeing the support the fans show on social media isnt hung upon that condition like it had been up till that point#just smth to see why it was so easy just a year later#as i expected part of why it was fine was shipping culture#anyways worst part was shone accepting apologies left and right#i still think his new guy should accidentally hit him with the camera or smth#and the mom never learnt ANY lessons#almost as if the narrative wants us to accept that this whole situation was normal and everyone was being right and reasonable on their skde#when shone is a shit cousin i dont wish on anyone#and the mom should have fought for her son#only boo
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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oh Joss following trans women! one of whom he filmed a queer drama with, where she had one of the best trans themed storylines in all of thai qls and where he played a sex worker! and then he was a guest in one of episodes of her own show! what could that mean
oh Joss following out gay men!! what could THAT mean
#joss wayar#some people here are fucking ridiculous to look at. are you all stuck in 2015#what's next will you go through gawin's likes on twitter to see if he is following someone who said something acephobic that one time#and then interpret it as gawin having same beliefs and values#should we make a ''your ql fave is problematic'' tumblr blog right away?#i cant believe im taking part in a fucking discourse this time but this is ridiculous#if someone turns out to be a piece of shit in the future with ACTUAL harmful misdeeds on their conscience#that's when you boycott their work#not by hunting down goddamn republicans in their 1.2k instagram followings#i'm too old to see shit like this it's embarrassing how are you not embarrassed#mine#negativity#like idk maybe be mad about pawin still being employed by gmmtv instead? or is it less fun when they are actual criminals#instead of the crime of bad choice of social media followings and likes
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every time jun has gone back to China for activities I become more and more done with XCSS (Pledis China)... it's so clear they're incompetent and don't understand how the Chinese entertainment industry works đ
#either that and/or theyre deliberately sabatoging jun#which like... i do abide by the whole 'dont attribute to malice what you could attribute to incompetence' thing#but also at this point its ridiculous...#a very summarized version is that in china its very common practice for companies to collaborate directly with official fanbases#so fanbases can organize events and provide promotion and support etc.#like its hard to explain but fanbases are more official organizations that are an important part of the entertainment industry#its basically a job for some people#but xcss/pledis has not been properly communicating with juns fanbases (jfortepiano and jun bar)#and its been causing a lot of issues#theyre also not following certain social media conventions for events apparently#all of which is hurting the promotion of juns acting activities#its also not a good look when every other actor has this fan support and jun either doesnt have any or has last minute stuff put together#bc the fanbases were not given proper notice/communication from the company#also im saying this as someone who has actually defended pledis (korea) for many things so like#yall know i wouldnt be complaining about this if it was just a small thing or there was some other explanation for it#the best explanation is that theyre incompetent and are treating c-ent like its k-ent when its not#but after all these years shouldnt they have learned by now and hired people who know what theyre doing??#might delete this but i needed to rant#its also frustrating when so called carats insult jun for doing solo activities and act like he thinks hes above svt#when hes not even getting proper support for his solo activities from the company đ#like no babes i promise this is not easier for him đ#also i have to wonder what the xcss employees even do most of the time...#as far as i know they dont have any artists that promote solely in korea so jun and minghao should be their main priotities right???#but they seem to do jack shit whether chinaline is in korea or back in china to promote stuff#like not even the bare minimum half the time#ugh anyway#melia.txt
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just realised i've been saying "beautiful dylan" in the same voice lila says "beautiful aeneid". with the exact same facial expression too. bless.
#people at school keep mentioning bob to me because the biopic stuff is on their social media#so i am honestly grateful for this film now because EVERYONE'S LIKE jooooo isn't that your guy i've been meaning to ask#and then you see me with a hand over my heart fainting. yes i have the excuse to do that#for fancy med school reasons because we have to perform balance tests and there are certain ways a person#loses balance when different parts of the body suffer#letters from stephanie*
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