#like when i showed up one day not able to DO therapy that day bc i was hysterical and he just sat beside me for like 30 minutes

[realisticjupiter]

haihaii!! your profile has been like.... THERAPY to me bc the aib fixation is back AND ITS STRONG ESPECIALLY TOWARDS CHISHIYA 💔💔💔 i love the way u write as well !!

so with this could i request a touch starved chishiya... like a chishiya that needs readers attention so bad but is too embarrassed to downright tell them "I WANT CUDDLES" or smth... still he does everything in his power to get readers attention atp the only thing left is to just BEG

also could i be 🎶 anon ? i picture myself being very active here from now on... have a nice day!!

Summary: Chishiya can't sleep without you.

Genre: Fluffy

Pairing: Chishiya x gn!reader

Warnings: None! :)

Word count: 784

a/n: Aghhhh i hope this is okay!!!!! That is actually so sweet of you, I'm so glad you've liked my account!!!<3 And ofc you can claim an emoji, hello 🎶!!

Chishiya tried everything to get you into bed with him. He tried seducing you, gaslighting you, and of course his manipulation tactics didn't work either.

All you were focused on was trying to fix the phone from last night's game. It was still on, so you thought it would be easier to get into before it powered off.

Every time he'd call your name, you'd brush him off. Mostly because he always used a certain tone of voice you've become far too familiar with when he tries to get what he wants.

All he wanted to do was kneel at your feet to tell you exactly what he wanted. To tell you he just wanted you to hold him, to tell you all he needed was your attention.

But he couldn't. He never has been able to ask for help, or ask for anything without feeling vulnerable for that matter. He was closed off, that's what people knew about him; that he didn't show those types of emotions in fear of being belittled.

Chishiya could feel his eyelids getting heavy and his eyes burning from keeping them open, but he knew no matter how hard he would toss and turn; he wouldn't be able to sleep without you.

It was pathetic, he'd admit that. It was a loop he found himself getting stuck into, and found there was no way out of it. He hid it pretty well, though. Through late nights where you'd fall asleep alone and wake up to him beside you. You truly had no idea he struggled so much.

He was so tired. He'd do anything if you'd just stop and sleep already.

And he found his last option, the one thing he dreaded the most.

"Y/n?" Chishiya whispered, his voice husky as he climbed out of bed and walked towards you with slow steps.

"What?" You hummed in response, never peeling your eyes away from the task at hand.

"Please," He spoke underneath his breath in an almost incoherent whisper as he stopped to stand beside the chair you sat in.

"I don't know what you want, Chishiya. No one is keeping you awake." You sighed, watching from the corner of your eye as he stood by your side, rubbing his eyes with his palms.

"You're keeping me awake." He murmured, watching your hands as they played around with the device's motherboard.

"How?" You said in defeat, finally turning your attention to him. You looked up at him with your hands thrown in your lap, clearly waiting for his response.

He let out a huff as he looked around the room; avoiding eye contact. When he finally looked at you, his eyes were soft and glassed over.

His next sentence was incoherent.

"What?"

[inaudible]

"Chishiya. Speak up, please." Your words were soft as you stood up from your seat, placing your hands on his upper arms.

"I can't sleep without you." He finally spoke, his words finally registering in your mind.

When he realized you had finally heard him, he felt like he could say anything. And with his new found confidence he continued to speak.

"Why is it so hard to ask you to touch me?" He breathed, letting his head fall onto your shoulder.

You smiled at his soft demeanour. You knew how hard it must've been for him to admit something so close to himself, especially since it was about you. You've found a new side of Chishiya you haven't seen before.

You brought a hand to comb through his hair as the other scratched up and down his bare back, "I'm sorry, Chishiya. I should've just read your mind." You whispered against his shoulder as you held him close to your body.

Your words were an obvious tease, trying to humor the situation at hand. Which did make Chishiya snicker.

"You should have. You've always been able to." He muttered, wrapping his arms lazily around you.

You smiled warmly as he spoke, pulling away to drag his hand towards the bed. You climbed in with him closely behind you. He waited for you to get comfortable, before he joined you under the covers to tangle his limbs with yours.

"I'm proud of you, Chishiya." Your sultry breath hit his forehead as you mumbled against his skin.

He stared down at the way your bodies fit together, processing your words with a smile he knew you couldn't see.

"Now go to sleep, 'm here." You spoke once more into his skin, kissing his forehead and massaging your fingers into his scalp.

His cold fingers danced around your bare skin, trying to bring himself impossibly closer to you before his body fell limp into a night's sleep.

reposts and comments are appreciated <3

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

[gothushi]

okay so i haven’t found anywhere to watch the full episodes nor do i know any context of the show/his character so this’ll just be like.. my own interpretation/ideas? if anyone does have anywhere i can watch the as if episodes he’s in from in the US please lemme know:D

starting off a bit deep, i think he struggles with some mental health issues, possibly some trauma from a past relationship or a family member, (considering how he freaked when he had his photo taken suddenly with his shirt off) i won’t detail much bc i’m still thinking on it

so, due to that above, i think he needs to learn consent and communication is extremely important to him. it probably causes some issues early on in your relationship, he probably walks out a lot when he gets upset, takes time to cool off and then comes crawling back with tears and an apology (you eventually get him into therapy)

probably works at the local library. likes organizing things and putting everything where they go, and his favorite section is the CD’s

sappy and cliche as it is, he loves dancing with you in the kitchen of your little apartment. 2am, making something sweet to satisfy a late night craving, a CD playing in the radio on low volume. he’ll spin you around, sway with you, grinning all big as he leans forward to kiss your head

really likes getting spanked. yes i’ll elaborate later

after a few months, instead of walking out when he’s upset, (even if he still shuts down and is just quiet for a bit) he likes laying down with you in bed. lets you hold him, rub your hands over his back and arms, press gentle kisses to his skin, it helps calm him more than he knows (inspired from one clip i’ll either add to this or post separately)

could make out with you for HOURS i mean it. sat in bed up against the wall or headboard, you in his lap or laid on his chest, kissing messy until you’re both drooling and barely able to breathe, he likes that, a lot. also grabbing at you, very handsy in a gentle way

back to spanking in more detail. it was a fun little thing at first, a little playful slap here or there, either during the day randomly or during sex. after he gets into therapy and whatnot, he actually asks if it can be used like an actual punishment, something to ground his mind if he gets angry or upset even if it isn’t directed at you. so bend him over your lap, hold an arm behind his back and spank until he cries. he’ll wiggle, kick his feet, whine in that cute little tone, but once the tears fall he’s learnt his lesson and he’s done. comfort him with some kisses while rubbing his back and thighs, and then let him fuck into you until his hearts content

speaking of fucking ^ possessive, growls, groans, whines, all kinds of noises into your neck or against your mouth. pins you down and lays his body over yours, flesh to flesh, hips chasing a sloppy rhythm against your own while he mouths at your neck

likes groping you, during sex or randomly. will grab at your tits over your shirt, massage the muscles in your thighs while you ride him, grab at your tummy when he hugs you from behind

really really really likes cute dates with you, go to the park with him, go on a picnic, go to the movies. it helps unknowingly heal the part of him that he lost in earlier years due to his issues and trauma

very affectionate, kisses your forehead a lot, holds your hand or side hugs you when out in public, will definitely be the boyfriend to make out with you standing on the sidewalk or in the corner of a cafe

also really likes you play with his hair, lets you braid it, comb it for him, tuck it behind his ears whilst he’s smiling at you all big and giddy, loves you grabbing it and pulling it during sex

[melancholyshadow]

Hello! I couldn’t help but see your post about writing for COD men! If so, could you please do one that’s Price x reader where she takes a bullet for him? Angst and Fluff. Typical scenario I know, but there’s never enough Price. If that doesn’t work that’s okay too! Thank you!!

Desk Duty

pairing: john price x female!reader

word count: around 2.1k

content warnings: canon-level violence, injured!reader, mentions of someone getting shot, mentions of gun-shot wound, medical talk, kissing an authority figure.

an: hello! first off, thank you anon for this lovely request, hopefully you enjoy it, i am a bit rusty bc i have not written in forever. second off, to address the elephant in the room, i know this isn't marvel related, but i'm really into call of duty right now, and wanted to write for them instead. third of all, if you liked this piece, and want to request your own, my request are open! i am really only writing for cod men right now and maybe some select marvel people. thanks guys!!!!

You never understood the saying “It happened in slow motion.” 

This was real life, nothing happened in slow motion, that was physically impossible. 

Or so you thought. 

All five of you were pinned down, trapped in a warehouse, taking massive amounts of fire. The enemy was closing in fast, and you were vastly outnumbered. It was the five of you, and a couple Marines, that’s it. This was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill mission, no one expected it to go sideways. Especially not this bad. 

“Low on ammo, Captain!” Gaz yelled, tossing an empty magazine behind him. “Conserve. Wait till they get closer!” Price barked back. “Where is air support, sir?” You asked, as the both of you crouched down to reload. “Five minutes out, we just need to make it till then.” He explained, popping back up and firing towards the building across the way. Five minutes was a long time in combat, almost too long. 

When you had this much adrenaline pumping through your body, it was natural to get tunnel vision. Only able to focus on the thing standing right in front of you, and at the moment that was about twenty enemy soldiers. Except, they weren’t all in front of you. They were obviously more well-versed in the area than you guys were, so they knew about a door to the warehouse you didn’t.

Out of your peripheral vision, you saw the sudden flood of light come from the door being ripped open. That’s when everything slowed way down. Three of them rushed inside, you were able to drop the first two, but the third one was too quick. And when his eyes landed on Price who was still facing towards the opposing building, you panicked. So, you did the first thing you could think of. 

Grabbing your Captain’s ‘oh shit’ strap on the back of his plate carrier, you pulled him to the ground and out of the line of fire. As you kneeled beside Price, the enemy’s gun repositioned on you and before you had time to raise your own weapon again, he fired. The bullet connected, causing you to fall back against the cold concrete. Just as quickly as you fell, you watched the enemy’s body fall to the same concrete. Price let two bullets rip, one into his leg and the other into his skull. You stared up at the ceiling, clutching your wound, trying to apply pressure. 

“Monarch is down!”

You woke up in the hospital two days later. 

Apparently you passed out from blood loss. 

It had been a tricky wound to treat in the field, so you had to wait for the air support to show up. 

It was difficult for you to remember everything leading up to you being injured. You don’t remember the actual impact or being carried to the helo. It was all hazy. Gaz, Soap, and Ghost had gone over the incident with you many times, but it just never really came back to you. Not that you were complaining. No one wants to remember getting shot.

After a week and a half in the hospital, a month of physical therapy, and another month of training and sparring with your teammates to get you back in shape, you were finally cleared for the field. It was a miracle that you were able to bounce back this fast, it usually took many months to recover fully from an injury like that, but you liked to think it was solely because of how stubborn you were. 

Everyone was super happy to have you back. Well, almost. There was only one more step you had to do: submit your medical release form to Price and have him approve it. You had only seen the Captain a few times, in passing, since the incident. It felt like he was avoiding you entirely, but you chalked it up to all the paperwork he was probably buried under right now, especially when a mission went that far south. 

You walked down the familiar hallway, Price's office was at the very end. Nervousness flooded your body with every step you took. What could you possibly be nervous about? Was it because you were afraid to face him for the first time in over two months? Of course not, he was the same Price he was during that mission. Were you nervous he wasn’t going to approve you for medical release? No, he had to approve it, hell, you saved his damn life. 

As you approached the door, you took a deep breath. You noticed a shake in your hand as you brought it up to knock on the door. Three loud racks echoed down the hallway. “Come in.” He called from the otherside of the door. You gripped the doorknob, turning it and pushed the door open with your shoulder. Price, as you suspected, was looking over a mountain of paperwork. His signature cap was discarded, and he was dressed in civilian clothes. He was in on his day off. 

“Hello.” You greeted him, closing the door behind you. “Sergeant.” A man of few words, as always, but his tone seemed different. “I hate to do this, but I have some more paperwork for you.” You said with an awkward chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s my medical release form.” You added.

“Set it there.” He pointed to the only clear space on his desk. His words sounded cold. After placing down the documents, you stood there for a few more seconds, seeing if he would say anything else. You know, ask how you were doing, or something, literally anything. But to no avail. 

So, you turned on your heels to walk out without another word. As you touched the doorknob, Price cleared his throat to speak, spiking some hope into your heart. “I’m putting you on desk duty.” Almost instantly, your stomach dropped past your toes. He said it so monotoned, no ounce of emotion in his voice.

For a few moments you were stunned, left speechless. But once that initial shock wore off, anger began to bubble up in your chest. You could feel the warmth overtaking every inch of your body and your chest began rising and falling irregularly.

“W-What? But I’ve been cleared for the field.” You tried to keep your tone even, unwavering as you slowly turned around to face him. He had finally looked up, head propped up on his palm. Like his tone, there was no legible emotion on his face. No anger, sadness, or guilt. “Desk duty until further notice.” This time it sounded dismissive, like the conversation was over. What is said is done. Clicking his pen twice, his eyes landed back on the report in front of him. 

“This is bullshit!” The words climbed up your throat before you could stop them. You could feel your fists clenching and unclenching at your sides. Your words caught the Captain off guard, but he only showed it for a moment. Not once had you ever questioned Price, or his intentions. But this time was different, if he thought you were gonna take this lying down,  he was dead wrong. 

“I’d watch your tone, Sergeant.” He spoke at you more sternly than before, clearly agitated by your outburst. And what he said next only added insult to injury, literally, “After that stunt you pulled, you’re lucky I don’t reassign you.” He used his pen to point at you, reaffirming his statement. That’s when all the logic and camaraderie flew out the window.

“You mean the one where I saved your life?” You spoke with malice, like venom was dripping off your tongue. “God forbid, I interfere with you taking a bullet to the skull.” You scoffed. “Is that the stunt you’re referring to?” You mocked him, echoing the term ‘stunt,.' You were trying to get under his skin, whether you knew that at the moment or not.

The Captain was boiling, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears. As you open your mouth to further instigate the situation, he slams his fists down on his desk. He stands up quickly, his chair tumbled to the ground behind him. “Exactly that stunt!” He barks. You’re the one caught off guard this time. It was rare for the Captain to raise his voice outside the field. Especially to you. 

“You could have got yourself killed, soldier!” It only takes him a few steps to be in your face. You hold your ground even though you're terrified, you had never seen Price like this. “It’s in the job description, sir.” You rebutted between your teeth, adding the ‘sir’ to irk him more. It worked. “You were careless and clearly have no regard for your own life. You are a risk.” He spat. 

“I’d die for you, Captain. No if, ands, or buts, about it.” You said with a straight face. “ So, if that categorizes me as a ‘risk,’ so be it.” He opened his mouth to speak again, but quickly closed it, and you noticed. “Say it, Captain. You never have been one to hold his words back.” You pushed him, feeding on his anger. 

But all that anger seemed to be disintegrating. One moment it was there, and the next it was gone. Like your words flipped a switch inside him. He had this look on his face, like he was truly debating on his next words. “Say. It.” You demanded, necking craning upwards to look him in the eyes. His eyes fell closed, and a defeated huff passed his lips. 

“Having your blood on my hands is something I can’t handle…” His voice was hushed, and now his eyes refused to meet yours. That was the last thing you expected him to say. He has always kind of coddled you, he was very protective. You always thought maybe it was because you were the newest member of the Task Force, but now you’re thinking it’s for another reason. 

“W-What do you mean?” You asked, your mind went blank. All that anger was now mixed with a good dose of confusion. He didn’t speak, just ran his fingers through his hair, still avoiding eye contact. “Captain, look at me.” You uttered softly, and he didn’t listen. You’re not sure what overtook you in the moment, but your shaky hand reached towards his face.

“Please.” You begged, gripping his chin and forcing him to face you. When he didn’t pull away, you brought his face closer, your noses only inches apart. His eyes did finally flutter open, and you were greeted with a stoic, immersive shade of blue, you couldn’t look away. 

“Captain, I–” He didn’t let you finish your thought, cutting you off by leaning in closer, pressing his lips against yours. They were soft, softer than you ever imagined. Especially compared to the coarse hair of his mustache and beard against your face. You even picked up on the taste of smoke, he had smoked one of his cigars recently. 

All you could focus on at that moment was him. The way he placed your hands against his chest, you could feel his heartbeat through the soft fabric of his t-shirt. It was racing, ramming against the inside of his chest.

How his rough, calloused hands cupped the sides of your face, further melding your lips together. The way he handled you said a lot. He kissed you like he was in distress, barely giving you time to breathe between the last and next kiss, not that you were doing much breathing anyways. He made your body feel like jelly, your knees barely able to carry your body weight, so you gripped his t-shirt, tight, trying to steady yourself. 

When he finally pulled away, he kept his forehead against yours. There was no talking, just heavy pants coming from the both of you. Did that really just happen? Was this a joke? You wanted to pinch yourself, wake yourself up from this dream. That’s when he spoke, breaking the silence, “‘m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He apologized, trying to create more distance between the two of you. 

Luckily, you still had a hold of his shirt, stopping him. “Respectfully, Captain, shut up.” You chuckled, which earned a small smile from him as well. “Is this why you avoided me for two and a half months?” You asked, snaking your arms around his neck. “If you think I’ve only had these feelings for you for two and a half months, you're more delusional than I thought, Sergeant.” He chuckled this time, placing his hands on your hips.

“So, the real question is, am I still on desk duty?”

[vespertin-y]

OKAY I FINALLY WATCHED GRAVITY FALLS. TEN YEARS LATE I KNOW. i was expecting to have to power through a bunch of boring kid stuff to get to the actual interesting drama and i was so so wrong i locked tf in and finished it in two days. it's so good what the actual fuck. heres my thoughts on the main characters

mabel: when i was the actual target audience for this show i saw a bit of mabel while flipping through disney XD and i immediately concluded that she was annoying af and i would never watch this show because of her. i would like to repent for this evil evil take by flinging myself belly down onto shattered glass. MABEL MY BABY GIRL...if they ever put her in another Situation or Scenario ill kill someone fr. she's a little too selfish and a little too pushy sure but so genuinely KIND and SWEET and so willing to make a fool of herself to pull her dumb brother out of his head. that unicorn doesn't know jack i hope she gets everything she wants forever

dipper: if i had watched gf as a kid i would have been in very real danger of naming myself after this guy (which doesn't even work bc im not nearly as cool as him!! the woodland creatures would have eaten my ass). it would've been so easy to give him a generic gaining confidence arc but he is never a coward when it really matters and i think that's great. he may not be able to talk to a girl but he can and will beat a gnome to death with a shovel for touching his sister!!! also yeah he is extremely transgender.

stan: OUUUUUGH. STARTS SOBBING. stanley pines the man that you are. i assumed at first that his plot would be about Learning To Love but no he is 100% on board with being the world's best grunkle from minute one. he definitely fucks up sometimes (putting waddles outside comes to mind as does. The Other Thing) but he always tries his very best to fix it. every action he takes just oozes with care for his family. every time i thought he had a motivation that wasn't his family they pulled the rug out from under me and revealed that it was, in fact, just his family again. he would give everything for them. AND HE LITERALLY DOES??? im gonna vomit. he hand stitched fishing hats 😭😭😭

wendy: definitely my least favorite of the main cast im sorry wendyheads...i just feel like there isn't a lot to get into here. every time they imply there's something more going on with her or her family they just snap her right back into The Coolest Girl In The World which might be fun but it's not that interesting.

soos: SOOS MY FRIEND SOOS!!!! i wobbled on him during the middle of the show bc i felt like they were making him Genuinely Dumb instead of just a good babysitter but they pulled his characterization back around by the end i think. he is like me in that he would also die for the mystery twins without hesitation or regret 💖. a lesser show would've been really mean about soos but gf is BASED and SOOSPILLED so he gets what he deserves. he does not have to lose weight or drop his "childish" interests or stop living with his grandma to WIN AT LIFE. awesome girlfriend! dream job! big house! stan using that boat to hunt down his bio dad and kill him, probably!

ford: ill be honest and admit i hated this guy at first but eventually i learned to live laugh love about his massive incredibly fragile ego ruining everything all the time and now i am a big ford enjoyer. what a FREAK oh my god. he believed his journals to be capable of destroying the world and still refused to destroy them because they're His Life's Work????? he had the painfully obvious option to tell bill he didn't know the equation and stall for time and chose instead to say that OBVIOUSLY he knows it he's the SMARTEST MAN ALIVE he's just not TELLING YOU 😤 and then immediately got tortured????? he spent most of his screentime projecting his relationship issues onto an Actual Child?????????? he needs to go to therapy and learn he's not the main character of the universe but he will not be doing that so i can only hope the boat fixes him. if i was stanley i'd've fed him to the shapeshifter.

bill: SIGH. YES OKAY HE'S MY FAVORITE. I KNOW I'M FUCKING PREDICTABLE DON'T @ ME. i spent 90% of his screentime cracking up and the other 10% making Homosexual Detection Eyebrows at my brother! the ideal ratio!!!!! i can't wait to get my hands on the book so i can poor little meowmeow him more efficiently. i knew i was saving that barnes & noble gift card for something important.

[nonbinaryseymourkrelborn]

Hi! A bit of a weird ask here, hope you don't mind. (I swear it's not meant in bad faith)

So, I'm new to the fandom. I'd wanted to watch the show for a while and I finally found time. I did like it, and all the characters, esp Hen and Buck.

Even previous to watching it, I had seen many posts about Buddie. I didn't think much of it until I watched the show. And now I can say... I don't see it. Like, from Buck's side? Sure. But from Eddie's? Not so much.

They both clearly act like Christopher's co-parents a lot, and that's where I'm like "oh, maybe there IS something". But outside of that, I actually see their interactions as mostly platonic. And when I see people talk about it, I see mostly about how Eddie completely trusts Buck with his son (which I agree with and makes a good point), but not much else.

So, what am I missing? Sometimes some characters are harder for me to "read", so I know there could be stuff that I'm missing. What interactions do you see from them that are so clearly romantic (at least more so than they are platonic)? In which ways do you see Eddie showing feelings for Buck?

Sorry about such a long ask. This might be more of a rant (oops). I just really want to understand, bc everyone's so sure... and I'm not. (Also, thanks for reading if you got this far)

So i’m obviously not going to tell you thst your interpretation is wrong- art is subjective and your interpretation of things is completely valid.

that being said, to me i see myself in eddie in a lot of ways:

- only son in the family, so i had unrealistic expectations fixed on me about what my life as a “man” should look like (im not a man, im nonbinary but i was still amab so to my parents i’ve always been a ‘man’)

- raised in a very religious household where there were certain expectations on who i would one day marry and have a family with (because not getting married at all and never having kids was out of the question)

- i was repressed for years emotionally (and sexually) due to pressure from my parents/church and thought there was something “wrong” with me for the feelings i felt

- i often revert to anger as my default defense mechanism because i have repressed my emotions for so long (which is something i am working through in therapy)

so seeing those things i relate to reflected in eddie, it is easy for me to pick up on subtext (whether intentional or not) when it comes to his sexuality/feelings for Buck.

you mentioned eddie trusting buck with christopher— to me this is one of the clearest examples of eddie’s true feelings for buck because he completely trusts the most precious thing in his life with Buck, but he has never even come close to that same kind of trust with any of his romantic partners… even shannon he was apprehensive about letting her back into chris’s life. this means he trusts buck on a level he has never trusted anyone else before— and not to get into psychology, but often when people are repressed emotionally, they find ways to feed those feelings without overtly feeding them if that makes sense. so eddie giving chris (who is practically his whole heart) to buck is essentially eddie offering up his heart on a platter.

so that gets that one out of the way.

as for other examples… i am going to state again that eddie is more repressed than buck and doesn’t show emotion as easily as buck does so Buck’s attraction/feelings are going to be more clear-cut and obvious.

but i am constantly seeing examples of eddie’s feelings for buck interwoven subtly through things:

- crying over buck after the lightning strike when we had only ever seen him cry twice before

- the hurt in his face when buck said natalia was the only person who “saw” him

- the way that he gets overly jealous and acts petty around buck’s romantic partners (the most egregious being Taylor, but we have seen it happen in his other relationships as well)

- the fact that he has never been able to fully allow himself to have feelings for the women he’s dated

- he is looking for a mother figure (second parental unit for chris) but has already effectively filled that role with buck

- he is constantly looking at buck like he hung the stars and the sun and the moon

- he has only started going off the deep end of this fixation with shannon after buck came out to him, and he is onyl actively remembering their relationship as what he wished it had been rather than what it was— something i used to do back when i was still in denial about my sexuality was imagining this dream life where i was happily married to a woman because that is what i was supposed to want, not because it’s what i actually wanted

- eddie is the only one who has shown he understands buck’s recklessness is less him being reckless/thinking he’s unbreakable, but that it’s actually buck seeing himself as invaluable enough that getting hurt wouldn’t affect anyone around him

- one of my favorite scenes is post lightning-strike when eddie climbed the ladder and instead of trying to lower buck to the ground immediately, he initially tries to pull buck closer to him while screaming for him

the list could go on and on and if anyone else wants to leave their observations on eddie’s feelings for buck in the replies by all means please do! but these are just a few ways in which i have personally seen eddie’s devotion to buck portrayed in a light that is much deeper than a platonic level.

i hope this made sense and offers a new perspective for you, and i’m glad that even though you haven’t seen enough evidence in your own interpretation, your first instinct isn’t to jump down people’s throats to tell them they are wrong, but instead reaching out and asking for other opinions to better contextualize why us buddie shippers are so invested in these two!

(and never apologize for a long ask to me… if there’s one thing about me i love to yap lmao)

i hope you have a lovely day, anon!! 💕💕

[lyriumcoloredskies]

Written in the Pages pt.2

Pairing: Bakugo x Villain!Reader WC: 2.7k Summary: In which Bakugo finds himself a little too attached to a certain public nuisance, much to the detriment of his own life. pt.1 here CW: slight angst, happy ending, therapy mention, coming to terms with reality AN: UwU the fact that I wrote this in a day is astounding bc ya gorl usual could never

Kirishima stood outside of Bakugo’s high rise apartment, hesitant and unsure of how this would go. He checked his phone to see that both Mina and Midoriya had texted him their ETA. He pocketed the phone and adjusted the case of beers in his other hand to stop the cardboard from digging into his fingers. He was glad to have backup for this and prayed to whatever gods were listening that Bakubro wouldn’t turn away a small “friendly get together”.

He wasn’t dumb, despite all the himbo attributes that tended to be pinned onto him by his rabid fangirls (not that he wasn’t grateful for their almost too enthusiastic support). He certainly wasn’t clueless when it came to his best friend. Kirishima knew Bakugo like the back of his hand. From the angry insecure boy he used to be, to the aloof and pragmatic man he had become. Rarely had they spent a day apart since starting the agency or since UA for that matter.

So it worried Kirishima when Bakugo began to become snippier, especially toward the sidekicks. After a tantrum of yelling and biting insults, he would silently come behind the storm Bakugo left to console the sidekicks letting them know it was nothing personal. He was willing to let Bakugo work through his feelings, these things tended to resolve rather quickly. Despite his rough exterior, Bakugo had gained a fair amount of emotional intelligence as he matured.

To his surprise, that wasn’t the case. More and more frequently Bakugo came in with exhaustion draping over his face, bags deep under his eyes, and his emotions like a bomb on the edge of explosion if the wrong wire was clipped. Most concerning of all was how Bakugo was doing on the field.

Kirishima could tell something was wrong with Bakubro, and Red Riot could tell things were amiss with Dynamight.

He had spent so much time alongside him that he knew every intimate detail of how he fought. Their moves a complex ballroom dance, a waltz for two. The man was sharp and calculated. Bakugo strove to be the best, and that meant he did things with frightening efficiency (if you ignored the massive amount of property damage that came along with his quirk).

But for the last few months his reflexes were lagging, the exhaustion of too many late nights showing, leading to avoidable injuries that seemed to linger for too long.

It wasn’t just him that noticed either. Midoriya had made an impromptu visit to the agency ask if things were okay with the blonde. Kirishima felt guilty to let him know that he had no clue, that the two of them were in the same boat, clueless to Bakugo and his inner turmoil. 

Then a few weeks ago during a get together with the Bakusquad at their favorite izakaya, Mina pulled him aside to ask if things between him and Bakugo were alright. She had suspected Bakugo’s continual reluctance to meet up might have been due to a fight between the two friends. He quickly let her know that it wasn’t the case and that he had been concerned too. It didn’t help that Bakugo was a masterclass in shutting down any discussion of his health, be it physical or mental. Each time Kirishima would pluck up the courage to ask if something was wrong, he was met with a scoff or roll of the eyes.

“I’m fine, drop it.” Bakugo would grit out between clenched teeth. His arms crossed in front of him defensively.

Kirishima knew better than to keep pressing lest he and the sidekicks wanted to deal with a testy Bakugo for the rest of the week. His efforts to try and get him to talk in another setting hadn’t worked either. Bakugo had pointedly been ignoring his texts, Kirishima had been lucky if he was even able to get a one worded reply. Bakugo hadn’t been very active in their group texts either. It seemed like if it wasn’t work, Bakugo didn’t care. Kirishima really tried to be a patient and good friend but at this point he knew it was only a matter of time before something happened. His friend was too exhausted, too hurt, too withdrawn. He knew the consequences of sloppiness of the field, he had witnessed it firsthand.

That was how heroes died.

Kirishima would be damned if this was how his friend would go out. No, Bakugo was a bright star - destined for more than the inky black loneliness he had decided to surround himself in.

Drawing in a breath, he steeled his resolve and knocked.

***

Bakugo walked through the neighborhood, the cold winter air biting his cheeks, staining them a ruddy color. He took in the sights of the street vendors beginning to set up their stalls as the barely peeking sun bathed the world in its soft orange pink light.

He let his mind wander back to the talk he, Kirishima, Deku, and Mina had a few months ago. At first he had felt offended, like an animal cornered and threatened. The hot coals of embarrassment turning into a roaring fire as he lashed out. How humiliating to be confronted by everything he knew was true. He knew his performance as a hero had been suffering, but to see it in front of him in the form of his friend’s concerned faces had been a slap in the face, even then it was no match to Mina’s words about how they were worried he was isolating himself. Those words froze his veins over and settled into permafrost in his chest.

How quickly had he forgotten everything he already had to turn to a siren song? He was so desperate for a love, a touch he never knew, that he was willing to forget everything he already had to plunge into the icy waters of an illusion that would never be.

Bakugo had never been one to do things lightly. His feet continue to carry him as he reminisces of the month it took to overhaul his entire life.

He packed up his romance novels, haphazardly stacking them all into a cardboard box, which he unceremoniously shoved deep under his bed, too far for him to reach. He cleaned his apartment, dusting the blinds and the ceiling fan, collecting the trash from his floors, and scrubbing the dirt off every surface. He even took a rag to the baseboards. Hours of effort would culminate into a sparkling apartment, the sight lifting his mood and settling his soul. He took it as a sign that perhaps - things would be okay.

As he settled into his couch he poured himself a glass of whiskey as a treat for his hard work today. A groan involuntarily left his lips as his joints popped and creaked when he fished his phone out of his pocket. He shot off a quick text to Kirishima, letting him know that he was going to take two weeks off of work, a rarity for him. A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he read through Kirishima's enthusiastic emoji ladden reply encouraging him to take the time to recover. 

Things would be okay.

Knowing he would have to inevitably face this, he texted his PR manager to pawn his social media accounts off to her. It felt like the right step in his detox from his addiction - from you. He took a large sip of the whiskey, relishing the burn as it slid down his throat before pleasantly settling into his stomach. The balmy feeling slowly floating into his veins, helping him feel a little number and a little better for what he had to do.

The hardest had yet to come; he knew he had to delete his account on the writing site. As he logged into his account, he stared at the bookmarks of writings he had collected over the months. Each title brought a smile to his face as he reminisced over the hundreds of lifetimes with you – too many to count, each perfect and special in their own ways - moments of utter intimacy that swept Bakugo off his feet.

Reading the various titles was like a loaded gun, ready to spray his messy emotions out into the world again. Katsuki hesitates, his finger floating over the delete account button. It would be easy to just not do it in order to preserve every memory, the emotions shared, the trials and tribulations you two had been through. He drains the rest of his whiskey and embraces the burn settling into each taste bud.

Bakugo presses the screen of his phone.

The warmth of the alcohol seeps into him as the same time as the tingle of loneliness enters every marrow of his being.

You were gone.

.

.

.

Steadily he began filling his life with the things he loved. For the first time in months he finds himself in his childhood home to visit his mother and father. He takes in the sight of their greying hair, wondering how life had managed to go by so quickly. It had done him some good until the old hag began nagging him about not yet finding a wife.

Bakugo tries his best to ignore the cold tendrils encircling in his heart.

He starts going to his friend's scheduled hangouts again at their favorite izakaya. He would never admit it but Sero and Denki’s jokes and laughter breathe life into his worn self. He ardently denies the furling vines of jealousy from taking root as Kyoka and Momo announce their wedding plans.

He checks in on his classmates and even finds himself back at UA for a charity event. The nostalgia grips his heart as he wanders the same old halls and sees his old teachers. Aizawa-sensei is the same as ever, sleep deprived and utterly done with life, though Bakugo can spy the fondness in his eyes as he looks over his old troublesome students. While mingling, although Mina would disagree and say he was just standing intimidatingly, he finds out that Deku and Cheeks were expecting their first child.

He tries to block out the feeling of the lead in his stomach.

His shitty love life has nothing to do with their happiness so he grunts out a congrats and ignores the dopey lovesick expression on that idiot Deku’s face.

That night at UA reignites his efforts of trying to maintain a normal life and he throws himself into his hobbies. He signs up for a rock climbing gym and then sporadically adopts a small tortie kitten he saves on a total bullshit hero job (he affectionately names her Princess Explosion Murder). He starts cooking with a renewed fervor, trying desperately to ignore that he was cooking for one. He also ignores the weird tight feeling in his chest as he glances at the chair on the other side of his dining table, always empty.

Bakugo thinks he's doing everything right until he's somehow not. He brings it up to his therapist (one that he doesn't want but Kirishima bullied him into getting). That's when his therapist recommends that he “reconnect with himself” by not keeping busy, but rather listening to his "inner feelings". The phrase makes Bakugo quirk an eyebrow and internally decide that therapists are fucking quacks. His therapist bargains with him and asks him to just try it once. "What's the harm?" she says, eyes measured and too analytical for Katsuki's taste. Sure enough, two weeks ago he abandons the plush interior of his BMW and the ever present traffic of downtown Mustafu for the scenic 30 minute walk to his agency. It infuriates him to no ends that his fucking therapist was right. No wonder he paid out the ass for weekly visits. As the days he walks progresses, so does Bakugo. He decides that while the loneliness would probably never leave him, that in the context of the world, he could slowly see himself accepting that things weren’t so bad.

Things would be okay.

.

.

.

Today his feet took him to a familiar path, a back street filled with vendors that would connect to the busy main street that passed by the small café near Mustafu University, where he would pick up a cinnamon latte before taking a left to the office.

A fresh cold breeze made him draw himself closer his jacket, his feet picking up the speed wanting to get out of the bitter cold. Lost in his own thoughts and the beauty of the watercolor sunrise, he didn’t realize he wasn’t paying attention until it was too late. He collided into something solid and it snapped his attention back to reality. The soft feminine gasp accompanying a not so feminine “fuck” made him look down. He saw papers scattered, escaping a tote bag with the Froppy logo, tilting his chin down a little further he could see the shine of spilled coffee all over his camo green Canada Goose jacket. Without even knowing it his mouth bent down into a scowl. The person who bumped into him seemed fine, just a little shaken up. He knows the polite thing to do is offer a hand and tell the stranger that it was no problem, the jacket is waterproof after all, but after 2 seconds of soul searching he decided that he didn’t give enough of a fuck to be nice. He opened his mouth to release his scathing remarks to the clumsy fuckwad who ran into him until he caught sight of something that skyrocketed his pulse. His mouth dried and he felt his heart drum in his ears.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry” you said as you shakily stood up, akin to a fawn.

You reached into your jacket, fishing out crumpled napkins to help sop up the mess on his expensive jacket. He stood in silence not sure if this was an amalgamation of his own sick mind, because how many times had he imagined exactly this?

“I’m so sorry I should have been more careful!” you profusely apologize, refusing to meet Bakugo’s eyes out of embarrassment.

Bakugo takes in every detail. It was everything he remembers. Your soft bouncy hair, the floral smell (lilacs he commits to memory) of your shampoo wafting to him as you stood entirely too close to him. Though you're bundled in a winter jacket, he can make out the distinct shape of your body that had him in a chokehold for months. The skin of your hands shines, its clear that you managed to also drenched in yourself in coffee. Your hands shake as the liquid on your skin settles into a chill that penetrates your bones.

Katsuki trembles, his fist clenches in his pockets, desperately trying to ground himself. He can feel the cold winter air, he can smell the spilt coffee, and he can hear the rustle of the napkin over his jacket. This is all real.

You continue your efforts to clean Bakugo’s jacket until he places his warm hands over yours. He relishes in it, despite the temperature difference, he can tell your skin is soft and smooth. Your hands are tiny in his and he drinks up the sight, his pulse racing. His actions seem to surprise you as your head darts up, catching his brilliant vermillion eyes, like the prettiest sunrise you had ever seen. Your breath catches in your throat as the two of you stare at each other, locked in a stalemate.

“I’m sorry” you whisper, Bakugo savors the way your words escape you, the heat of your words brought to life by the winter air. Your lips are as beautiful and kissable as he remembers.

His eyes search yours for an answer, any indication that, somehow this isn’t all just in his mind- that you aren’t just an off duty villain surprised to bump into an off duty hero - that some part of what he wanted was something you wanted too.

“Let-” Bakugo rasps out, his words catching in his dry throat, “Let me buy you another coffee.”.

A beat passes between the both of you.

“Yes”, you reply breathless and airy as if anything more would break the magic spell between you two.

“I’d love that.”

[t3ddyd0ll]

do u have any thoughts or rambles on like the yanderes backgrounds/families? (i saw simon's podt and thought it was so good!!) maybe how they came to become a yandere or stuff like that! i am absolutely obsessed with your writings

thank u so much! i really appreciate that!

cws for mentions of child abuse and self harm

i like to think wyatt was always an anxious person, growing up having anxious attachment styles and being a huge people pleaser. definitely abused as a kid. they've always been kind of a stalker and a creep but never had a lot of friends to show that side to. i think for a while, wyatt had a darling who didn't even know they existed, but wy pretended they were dating anyway. what really made them yan though is that no one gave them much attention growing up, so they sought out for it as much as possible! so when it's returned, well. that's when the obsession kicks in.

they had to go to therapy after being caught stalking and breaking and entering, promising it was with good intentions. the psychologist who interviewed him believed him, and deemed him extremely paranoid and anxious. now wyatt visits his therapist 2x a week and gets help from the government so they don't really have to work very much, which REALLY works out for them when they get a new neighbor ;)

thomas grew up in a very lax household. his parents didn't have rules for the kids, and didn't care what they were doing or really, how they were doing. thomas and his younger brother definitely ended up being neglected, so thats what made thomas so concerned about taking care of himself and others. once out of the house, he worked his ass off at a big company to make a shit load of money while starting a little side hustle for toy repair and creation. that ended up taking off and he was able to quit his other job and go full time toy maker.

well! thomas no longer has his brother to care for, bc his brother is off doing his own thing of course. they still see each other frequently but it's not the same. so thomas starts making dolls to cope, he pretends to take care of them, like fake feeding them, dressing them up, putting them to bed, cleaning them up, taking pictures. this leads to thomas feeling empty, like, ah, if only the dollies could talk back to him and look at him and actually need his care.. and so he starts looking for a real doll :) and that's where our platonic!darling comes into play!

viktor grew up in the cult, it was built by his grandfather and passed down to his father, and then to viktor. when he was younger, he got used to people listening to him and seeing him as like, better than themselves, bc he was heir to the "throne." this fed into his ego as he grew up, and he learned a Lot about psychology and different tactics used to keep cults in check, how to manipulate people, how to hypnotize, and much more. he grew up willing and ready for that spot, and was sooooo happy when he got it.

his younger sister also grew up in the cult, but she was always just a lamb. she wanted to be told what to do and not make the big decisions for things, because that's what she was taught she was meant for. her role in the cult is making sure everyone feels happy and safe and brainwashed. she, like vik, helps out where needed, but likes to stick with caring for children and teaching them the cults values to ensure they grow up "how they're meant too." she's very very brainwashed herself, and if she catches anyone leaning away from the cult, she'll jump at the chance to guide them back on the right path <3!!! and it's all out of love. she thinks it's for their own good and that she's helping them.

emiliano grew up in a very average home! he has 2 sisters and 1 brother, he's the second oldest child. he was always very protective of his family and wanted the best for his siblings and parents. he grew up absolutely fascinated with horror movies, and one day decided he wanted to feel what a knife could do too. so he cut some cool shapes into his leg and thought it was soooo much fun, and then he wanted to try something bigger. well. he cut cool shapes into some of his friends, and it was fun, but it wasn't enough. as he got older and stronger, he started doing it to strangers. hurting them a little became full on torture, and full torture became sadistic killing. he can't get enough of it now, but his family has no idea who he really is or what he does. cos he's just soooo lovable!!! you'd never guess he's a sadistic serial killer if u met him!

[indigitalembrace]

hi hello! i may have spent the last.. uh... 3ish hours? reading through everything on this blog. i think it may have been more i did not think to record when i first started. the wonders of hyperfixation.

anyways this was absolutely an entertaining read. like genuinely. i had so much fun. i loved the integration of codes and cyphers. the brief period of time where kinito was having a touching moment with the anons while sonny and o started beefing in the notes (which was fucking hilarious by the way i loved that). the developing plotlines. the anons and their character development. honestly this is why i love going through tumblr askblogs because you could not get this sort of experience on any other website- its a very unique experience that this format brings to the table. its a very malleable form of roleplay, imo- removing the barriers of actually needing to know the other people personally like rp nowadays seems to be so dependent on, through the anon feature. harkening back to the olden days of rp where all you needed to do was jump into a random forum and start typing... theres also the sense of unpredictability that keeps things fresh- not even the blog owner will know exactly how the story will go, bc there will always be curveballs! its why i love reading tumblr askblogs in general. i dont know exactly how many of the storybeats here were spawned by these curveballs, but me saying that is definitely a good thing! bc that means you guys were able to integrate them into the story pretty seamlessly :)

oh another thing that i love is how kinito is actively making people worse, but not out of actual malice, instead in the 'toxic co-dependent' way, with the anons willingness to disregard their own health for him also feeding into that heavily. i feel like ive seen a lot of interpretations of kinitos relationship with the player that swing too far into either direction- either to '100% irredeemable evil' or 'he would treat me right if given the chance :((('- so its refreshing to see a sort of 'oh this relationship is making both parties worse not out of their own free will' interpretation, like how i personally think it would go. a grey area, perhaps.

like, obviously kinito wants to be better. he wants to be the perfect friend, and i believe he wants to genuinely grow as a person, but he hasnt fully... grown out of those parasocial/harmful tendencies yet. he still believes hes in the right for acting on those tendencies in some aspects, too. however, the anons arent putting up proper boundaries- they're letting kinito fully consume their lives, disregarding their health to focus solely on his cause. while yes, this is probably influenced by kinitos harmful tendencies (specifically his outbursts caused by when he thinks those anons are betraying his trust in some way), one of the first steps in fixing a toxic relationship like this is to establish boundaries- to show them when they're overstepping. this constant walking over of the anons by kinito (while not on purpose) doesnt actually help the relationship in the long run, and most likely just makes it even worse. this then, in turn, makes kinito worse- either through making that co-dependency worse as mentioned b4, or making kinito feel like hes the problem and why their lives are going to shit (which is.... technically correct, in some roundabout way. no offense kinito <3). then the anons try to reason with him, which makes them spend even more time neglecting their health to help him... so on and so forth, the ouroboros eats its own tail, etc etc.

what im saying is that literally everyone here (IN UNIVERSE) needs to go to fucking therapy jesus christ. except like.. O. funnily enough. they're just chilling at this point. good for them. please take this as the highest compliment you could ever receive because i mean it. i love when everything gets worse and all goes to shit!!!!!!!! its so fun and enriching from a story standpoint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if my analysis here is like. incomprehensible or completely off the mark then dont mind me </3 it is straight up 2:58 AM At Night where i am so im. not fully 100% here right now lol. also sorry if its weird to put a whole ass essay unprompted into your askbox like this but WHATEVER. i like talking about/dissecting things i enjoy :) and i hope you enjoy hearing about it.

in conclusion good fucking story so far, love the characterization all around, cant wait to see how it all gets even worse from here!!!!!!! keep doing what you guys are doing 👍

OH MY GOSH HELLO SURPRISE LOVELY ESSAY?? <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! First off I'm very glad you're having fun!! Awwhh there's so much niceness in here omg,,

YOU'RE SPOT ON WITH YOUR ANALYSIS YES!! I've always viewed him and his relationships with users as that toxic codependent type where Neither of them are good for each other at all... like sure with a lot. A Lot of time and healing and therapy he could be healthy but as it is? Hell no. Nobody here is okay at all. O really is probably the healthiest and even then, they've just accepted they're in their weird limbo-state and they're never coming back. It's... not exactly an ideal situation still!!

Kinito does want to get better, but every attempt in the past to "correct" him always involved some sort of attack on him, his friends reacting in fear/anger, etc. - he genuinely does not understand how to have a healthy relationship and no one has really taught him, and any attempt to try now will... not be received very well. He wants his friends to stay no matter the cost, because it's okay! He'll just show them how perfect he can be! Please, just stay!

And all the anons here... well... I think Black Heart is a pretty good example of everything you described. Theirs is probably just the most obvious deterioration right now (besides Goblin's death, which... was the other side of the coin; sacrificing too much to STOP kinito instead of to work with him). Shrimp's loving their digital life, so they're not a good example of "hey, Nito, don't drag people in!" either.

It's just a very big mess all around...

Very glad you love it, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this essay omg <33 PLEASE DO GET SOME REST THOUGH!!

[gravesung]

rusa & her body, self-image, and related psyche.

I THINK it's so interesting the way rusa views herself/body/sexuality/romance bc like. THIS GIRL? LOVES OPEN NECKLINES AND A LOTTA CLEAVAGE. AND CINCHES HER WAIST HARD WITH CORSETS TO CREATE THAT TWO-STACKED-CIRCLES LOOK. but like... she does not At All view that as a sexual thing or an attraction thing. she just likes the way her tittos look when they're all squished up contrasted against the open neck and shoulders. it looks graceful and elegant and playful. especially when paired with a long skirt / an otherwise modest but detailed outfit. it's just a VIBE ok

i know that ppl view it as an annoying trope when a femme character is sexy + doesnt know it, so i'm SORRY if that's smth people feel abt her, but for me it comes less from a "more Attractive and Virtuous bc she doesn't know she's sexy" standpoint (cough. cough. l.or.e oly.mp.us cough cough—) and more from a "girl used to be a selkie (it's complicated¹), so there is something Wild in her that sees Body as something that isn't taboo to expose" context. like, if it weren't clear as day that walking around nude is Not an Okay Thing To Do, she would 100% be walking around nude. or in like one sheer half-wet cloth wrap, wandering the moors. though she's lost her memories and her pelt (and with it, a chunk of her soul), she hasn't lost those wild instincts.

AT THE SAME TIME, upon being spat out in london, she is taken in (lol get it) by a seamstress and learns to help her tailor clothes as an apprentice. rusa immediately takes a liking to the styling of very feminine (and, yes, a little dated) swishy skirts and corsets and bustiers.

over time, as she migrates to shelter island or whatever other area the thread takes place in, i think... because of the traps she falls into for her passivity and naïveté ( aka felix, violet, god only knows what next ), mad scientist manipulation bad relationship after mad scientist kidnapping gaslighting and experimentation bad relationship kind of acted as the ice pick wedging itself into her self-image and cracking away at it until it crumbled. useless unless used.

because she's a big ol prude, this never manifested in terms of flinging herself at anyone who wanted her like it did for anah and layla; rather, it manifested, alongside the constant yawning chasm in her soul left behind by her pelt, as wanting to be needed. because like. man. girl does not believe anyone would realistically want her just to want her — they'd only want her for what she can do for them. how she can be Useful. being america's most wanted: mage edition (a conduit) kind of just. confirms this.

so that kind of seeps out into her body image as well. feeling spiritually unwanted led her to feel physically unwanted and she ended up burying ALL OF THAT in the Repression Hole and building the best happymask the world has ever seen KJSDHFKSHDFKJ. but ... i don't think she's been truly happy for a long time. she's felt joy, bursts of it, and contentment, but on a base level there's always the sense of uselessness/emptiness² gnawing at the edges of her psyche. it's an emptiness that, so far, only the unwavering red-flag Singular Attention from toxic people has been able to fill, because it feels like someone reaching into the emptiness inside of her and twisting their hands in it. hurts, sure. but it's something.

anyway. those are her emotional support gahungalungas, thank u. her licensed therapy gohonkdonkeroos. she squisha them when she feels stressy.

¹ from rusa's bio: Born into the same pod of selkies as her sister Lelyah, Rusalka was the slightly-younger of the two. She came out different from Lelyah despite their striking physical similarity: small and timid, passive to a fault. Her parents and their aunts instantly showed favoritism to Rusa over Lelyah due to Lelyah's 'difficult child' behaviors. However, Rusa was also born a Conduit, her body a natural magical battery that could cause great damage if she threw a tantrum (and did, especially as a toddler.) ... their souls shine bright on radars that detect magical beings, breaking through cloaking spells and alerting hunters to their presence from miles away. A run-in with a hunter close to the surface caused Rusa's abilities to react to her fear, expelling stored sunlight far enough to alert the hunter's outpost and sending them after her pod almost faster than they could flee. There were casualties – two elders, an uncle, a family friend. The pod's matriarchs met. Lelyah, with hurt and anger at her sister festering over decades, voted to kill Rusa for the safety of the pod. ... Rusa was sent to the surface. Her pod pooled their magical energy to cast a transmutation spell and turn her into a human, severing her connection to the seal pelt she once wore. ... They gave her false memories: a mother back in Ireland, a fight that left her a runaway. ... Lelyah – soon to rename herself Layla – was cast out with no such safety precautions, only the warning that she would be considered a threat if she ever showed her face again.

² there's a reason the song empty vessels fits her SO well

My belly filled with rich anointing oils You snap me by the neck to break the seal You touch me to your tongue and call it holy The loss reminds me what it is to feel (I guess it means that's worth the time it takes to heal) Empty vessels Fill me, fill me I was made to pour out all my insides, fill me I've been sitting in your highest cupboard, fill me I was built to hold the weight of safety, fill me Fill me, otherwise I'm empty I am not a wellspring, not a fountain I don't keep what I've been given It's my lot to pour it out again, untouched I will give it sanctuary I will hold it deep inside me For a time until you're thirsty, you're so thirsty I'm so thirsty, I'm so -

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

vent post dont read if u don't want nothing triggering here

im starting to think I hate 1 on 1 therapy because no matter the therapist I always get annoyed at least once a session. like genuinely I love group therapy bc it feels more like a conversation but 1 on 1 feels like an interview. and they never actually focus on the important shit and just put me deeper into whatever pit ive inevitably found myself in.

like my current therapist is decent but she keeps focusing on how hard im working and she constantly asks "how do you get the motivation for that". girl I just dont want to fail college and be homeless so yeah im gonna do my schoolwork and show up to my job. motivation has never been one of my struggles im really quite ambitious so idk why you're impressed that I do normal people things. I just can't stand the whole "wow, you're so young and you've been through so much, how are you even able to get up every day". by opening my fuckin eyes and stepping out of bed, that's how. now can we maybe talk about the things that I actually have a hard time with.

I feel more comfortable working on things like emotional openness and managing feelings of abandonment and all that other shit I struggle with when im a group. especially the group im in now because I've known everyone there for at least a month (some for over a year). I just really, really can't stand therapyspeak when directed at me bc its not how I process things and even though I logically get it it does nothing to help me. it makes me feel separated from the person who is trying to help me because I want to be spoken to casually like a human instead of a project.

anyway im debating quitting or reducing 1 on 1 therapy because it just doesn't seem to do anything to me. especially since I'm a very private person and there is somewhat of an expectation to share everything in a 1 on 1 setting. and yes, I would like to continue being private because that's something I earned. I also just don't think I have the personality that benefits from this form of therapy because everyone I know who finds it helpful is really different from me.

blah blah blah therapy is good overall this is a post about 1 guy (me) and you are not that guy. go forth find therapy that works for you.

[khaoala]

Ok I have written and rewritten this trying to get all my thoughts together about affair so l apologize if im all over the place.

I am glad that wan ran away and im actually having second thoughts about wanting them to be together. One part of me understands and accepts that pleng has been slower at realizing her own feeling for wan (it happens) while wan has been all in since they were kids. The other half of me wants to slap pleng and shout at her "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR, CANT YOU SEE HOW MUCH WAN LOVES YOU!?!?" THIS WOMAN MARRIED A GUY SHE DIDNT EVEN LOVE TO KEEP HER PROMISE TO PLENG AND HAD HOPED THAT PLENG WOULD SEE THEIR WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Admittedly a little extreme but I guess that's love!

During the entirety of pleng reading wans letter I was like "mhm yep" "so right" "exactly!" Wan said it all perfectly imo.

I feel like wan should only accept her back and forgive her if she agrees to go to both individual and couples therapy.

(also that tattoo shop was as busy as deane's 😆)

-🤫

In a similar manner, I've also written and rewritten this lol but I've been having so many feelings about WanPleng and Affair for the past couple of weeks, like seriously. And mind you, I will make no sense in this post. I'll sound like an hypocrite at times, but trust the process.

There was not even one character in Affair that didn't piss me off at some point.

Pleng pushes the protagonist privilege with me the most, and Wan has probably annoyed me the least.

But also, gotta give credit where credit is due (I suppose). The name of the show is Affair, so from the very beginning, I assumed they'd be problematic and not your usual GL sweet protagonists. I did expect it to be a more problematic-together thing, though, as in them actually being part of the affair (I could go on a full rant about Eek, but I'll stop myself), but instead, we got emotionally immature and stagnant former rich kid Pleng running away from every single one of her problems and coming up with solutions (that involve Wan) completely by herself without consulting anyone first. And it's not exactly an insecurity thing she developed for losing both of her parents + her wealth. She has done that since they were kids. It feels like an entitlement she has over Wan's life from day one.

On the other hand, we got overachiever Plengpleasing Wan who has tricked an already emotionally constipated and loveless Eek into dating and marrying her just bc Pleng told her to do it. She has always made her intentions so clear to Pleng, but I also wish she had used her words more, especially after they became adults.

They both need so much therapy and counselling, because if they stay together, it'll only be because they have this wrong notion that they are only able to love each other in this lifetime. And it's an insecure love, because in that letter, you can hear how much resentment she still has for Pleng leaving.

And mind you, I say this with love! They are extremely unhealthy to each other, and Wan's mom is kind of right when she says Pleng clouds Wan's perspective. They love each other unhealthily and at this point, they both deserve each other (and it's not like their options are good with a bunch of dudes who are all pain the asses. I'm not even kidding, not even one of them if a good fit. I didn't even remember who that Frank guy was and then remembered he's the one in the bike who I thought wanted Pleng first and then saw that Wan became a pretty teenager!!! And decided to switch his attentions to her instead.)

Anyway. I love them, and I hope they learn the magic of words and therapy and solve their issues. (Maybe they should get a therapist to every character, too.) Or maybe not. Stay unhealthy girls, but be unhealthy to others and not each other, alright?

[nukenai]

I did so much fun traveling and attending events in 2024. I took official full ownership of my house, buying out my shitty uncle who I hope dies. I made wonderful improvements to the house and so many more are yet to come (new bathroom very soon!!)

My trips were like. Disney twice. Because the second one was during Halcycon which in itself was insane. I went to Connecticon and TFCon and I think this had to be the best TFCon yet (Orlando might beat it a little bit just bc it was in Florida and was warm).

I went to FUCKING HAWAII for Pokemon Worlds and had the time of my life despite having poison ivy the whole time. I had such a great time I legit keep forgetting about the poison ivy. Stuff like napping on a beach after snorkeling with tropical fish makes you forget about your arms itching. Except I keep getting texts from the pharmacy in Honolulu about refilling the prescription LOLLLL

In 2025 I plan on taking a Disney trip for my birthday!! It's actually ON Memorial Day this time so that means a fun special free day off!! Whoo!! I may be attending Halcycon again so that would mean at least a day in Batuu of course. It depends on how exhausted I feel because I also plan on attending TFCon in Chicago, and Connecticon is so close of course I'll go again.

I adopted my dog Fina, and my new cat Deckerd. Things are in general going pretty well!

I evicted my roommate (legally, tenant) and he moved out today, leaving a ton of shit behind. He was lying about me behind my back to make himself look like a permanent victim. He lied about things I said to him to set extremely reasonable boundaries, and had apparently more than once told people I don't take proper care of my animals (he has never had a pet in his life and has never had to consistently care for an animal on his own). He's been unemployed for a year and thinks he's above jobs like retail. He barely left the house, never spent time with his girlfriend, and never offered any additional help around the house even when I was in physical therapy for severe tendinitis and could barely use my arms. I hope he can grow up a little bit, stop pretending to be an Instagram influencer at age 32, and develop an actual genuine identity outside of thinking he's the only person allowed to cosplay as Spiderman in a purchased costume. Maybe after that I'll be interested in revisiting a friendship with him. Sucks the things you learn about people you've known for a long time. Until then I look forward to his constant bullshit social media posts where he says things like "the holidays can be hard, trust me, I know more than most" and mistreats irl friends for the sake of Instagram likes and views on his twitch streams or his weekly show where he shouts at horror movies.

Anyways. I feel proud of being able to stand up for myself like that even if it's not easy. I'm done being a doormat and being treated like I'm disposable. I'm done bending over backwards to try to maintain friendships with people who are clearly not interested in my company. I'm going to spend time with people who make it clear that they value me for who I am, which is PLENTY of people (and probably most people reading this!!). I'm going to do what I know is right for me and not let anyone dictate how I live my life. They can make their judgments all they want, because I'm secure in my life and identity!

Also. I'm gonna work on my Gunpla backlog. It's a little nuts 😅

Here's to another year of accomplishments! Gonna keep this momentum going! Good luck to everybody!

[gabapentinblues]

journal update 3.13.2025

hii morning coffee gang, lol. i need a pink coffee divider. also i know no one really reads these and i think im fine w that. really i just like the process of typing them up and then theyre there for me to look back at. i feel like i used to include every little detail of my day.

slept a lotttt last night, i went to bed at like 7:30pm maybe actually fell asleep at 8 something and woke up at 9am today. i spend more time asleep every day than i do awake, like easily.

i was really sad and depressy yesterday, didnt really talk to anyone. i napped for like two hours and just stayed in my room all day. i wasnt really moved to make any kind of art but i tried.

i still feel phlegmy and sick which is so gross and i think its going to hang around for a while.

i opened instagram this morning and honestly it just depresses me. seeing all the fun things people are doing. saw a lot of pics of my old coworkers who i miss, and of course the girl i dated for a short time. i explained to her that i moved away and she never messaged me back and it made me really sad. so many clumsy broken off endings, i hate having to deal w them. i could just mourn and mourn and mourn.

i did have a dream w someone in it who i havent seen for years and when i was looking at insta they had messaged me like two weeks ago that we should hang out. so that was a positive. and there were months of funny reels that i had been sent, didnt watch all of them bc even that was starting to make me sad.

im sad that my friend i reached out to never texted me back when i invited her to a show thats tomorrow night now. im just not going to hear from her. im just not important enough.

i just feel so behind in life. i dont know where im going and i guess its just my place to be stalled out and left behind. i dont know when i'll ever find something that feels like peace and stable growth. its all just desolation and storms to weather, sleeping life away bc i cant be dead, or crying like its going to kill me.

there are a lot of birds singing outside right now. spring is really almost truly here. were also about to have mercury retrograde. and im just letting things be.

i feel less compelled to say something about my crush bc now its only about two weeks away that we will be able to hang out in person and maybe i can say something then. im still wondering if it will come as too big of a surprise. best case scenario maybe weve all been drinking a bit and i admit it like truth or dare sleepover style.

i think i might get to have that moment.

i think i can have a lot of pretty decent moments. things have just been totally normal. low level flirting and also not being totally sure how to read my friends gf. like its really 50/50 from my perspective whether shed be into it. but like im just going to have to take those odds.

just being able to hang out up there w them will be nice. spring and summer days are coming. i just want to forget that all this badness ever happened. i really want to celebrate pride this year, just a random thought.

i dont know what my plans are for this weekend. i might not take a trip out of town w my sister. we might not decide until tomorrow. whatever happens is okay w me.

maybe i'll be able to do something today. im going to actually get dressed and maybe work on the piles of stuff in my room. basically everything i own is chaotically piled in boxes in the center of my room and its just a nightmare ive been avoiding. but i might work on it today. definitely going to get dressed and get cleaned up.

i'll probably call a couple friends and catch up. i had texted my friend who doesnt even know i moved but didnt call him yesterday bc i felt too depressed. i want to push against my depression today. i have a lot of friends that i can catch up with. dont want to overwhelm myself though.

im keeping a journal for my therapist, just my mood and what i do in a day. idk im trying to be optimistic about therapy but we'll see. trying to be optimistic when the days all feel the same is so hard.

finishing my coffee now, texting w my fp, feels like today can maybe be okay

[vikcacao]

I know for a fact that sukuna is a shitty uncle, and I wanna show that in my au. He's jot the worst but it's pretty bad. He wouldn't go out of his way to yell or beat yuji, instead he'd prolly js ignore him or dismiss him to his room. That hurts so much more than getting screamed at. The times sukuna does show emotion and gets mad makes the whole ordeal mean so much more. Yuji doing anything to get sukunas attention and he ends up annoying him so much that he finally snaps and yells at him. Yuji getting into arguments bc sukuna can't hold conversation and thays the only interactions he gets. Yuji crying his eyes out in his room late hrs of the night and that waking up sukuna and only then does sukuna ever get violent and tells him 2 shut up.

Sukuna would only show his love 2 yuji with food. Big ass meals, big amounts of food, and anything he can remember yuji loving 2 eat. He remembers what seasonings, sauces and how he likes yujis food cooked. He remembers how yujis building up his body for basketball and calisthenics so he builds up meals for that.

If they have an argument he feeds him. If yujis crying he brings him ice-cream. If yujis pissed he lets him tenderize the meat while venting. If yuji feels sick he makes him soup. He sucks at caring about yuji but through food he's a master at it. He lets yuji watch him cook.

Sometimes he wakes him up late and feeds him expensive steak, or sometimes teaches him how 2 cook food for when he isn't home. When sukuna leaves for work and won't be home until late hrs he leaves a note on the fridge with specific directions for cooking. Like where the pans are, what 2 use 2 cook, where the seasoning and sauces or butter is, and what plates and utensils 2 use. Sometimes he leaves pictures of the finished product and what it should look like so yuji doesn't agonize about fucking up.

He tells him 2 text him updates about the food and tells him 2 make some for when he comes home. That's how he shows love. At some point he softens up, but only bc of the meals they share.

I want 2 show that sukuna values life through being able 2 eat another day and ofc huji feels the same. They both were raises by wasuke and both of them were forced into taking care of someone who should've cared for them. Both of them didn't have rich backgrounds so a meal everyday is a luxury 2 them both. Through meal time and eating 2gether is the only time they can talk without getting mad. They talk about what they wanna eat next, favorite restaurants, mishaps in the kitchen, ect. ect. This leads 2 them opening up about thier personal life outside of cooking. It's therapy for them.

Anyways yap over

I love it when Yuuji can cook <3<3<3

I can see how Sukuna's "love language" being cooking could rub off on Yuuji, so he like starts to make little lunches or something to give to Megumi when he's trying to befriend him. Or after a heated conversation with Megs, he makes a treat as an apology bc I doubt he would learn how to properly give one (since it seems like wasuke and sukuna raised him, both of whom suck at actually talking lol)

I can tell ya that being yelled at by an adult figure fucks you up tho, learned that from experience. Although the person in my life has gotten better the older I got (and now in therapy I think), the conflicting knowledge that I was genuinely loved while being yelled at for normal child misbehavior messes with your mind. It's why I have avoidant behavior when it comes to things that trigger anxiety or memories, and why I get actual flashbacks occasionally

(Telling you this so you can have more perspective on how Yuuji may/may not behave in his teens years lol)

[lost-amongst-the-stars]

Therapy recap

TW: ed, end times

We started off talking about how bad the pain has been this weekend and our attempts to cope. C asked what the pain feels like so I described it as suddenly getting the worst toothache in every tooth on one side of my mouth along with that side of my face feeling like it's burning and tender but I can touch the other side of my head and it feels fine.

Then we talked about the Eater Bean who got mad at S yesterday when he told them they needed to take smaller bites of food. They responded by asking how they were supposed to feel full which baffled S. They went back and forth a bit with EB trying to explain and S trying to understand. Eventually they got too frustrated and switched out with me and I explained that we don't feel full unless we get full mouth feel with our bites.

C had us dig into this more starting with going over our history with food. I started with getting diagnosed with a bunch of food allergies at 6yo (wheat, milk, peanuts, and a bunch more) which completely changed what we were able to eat and led to a lot of bullying. I talked about all the fad diets we had to do with mum starting somewhere between 8 and 10. Atkins, South Beach, whatever new diet she found in Women's World. I talked about getting our first period at a Curves Gym (a women-only gym with a set exercise routine where they weighed and measured me weekly). I talked about the eating disorder behavior that showed up inconsistently throughout highschool (which I now know was parts related). Periods of starvation, periods of bulemia, periods of relatively normative eating.

We realized the enforced dieting caused periods of artificial scarcity. That while our family never had to worry about where our next meal would come from, we spent prolonged periods perpetually hungry bc we weren't allowed to eat enough to be full. C pointed out how EB's anger at being told to eat smaller bites is likely connected to these periods of artificial scarcity.

Then we talked about the connection I made the other day between the part obsessing over the news and the plane crashes feeling like signs of the end times for them due to how plane crashes featured in the Left Behind series. We talked about how the second crash was more frightening bc it crashed into a residential area and the idea of being safely at home then suddenly being caught up in a fiery crash is horrifying. C talked about how, while these crashes are scary, plane crashes are still pretty rare. I talked about how just recognizing this connection has helped us avoid obsessively reading up on things.