#like what is it so expensive for!!! ughhhh

[xx-justsomeguy-xx]

Gosh i really hate spending money on food like takeout/delivery…

[phagodyke]

hour and a half unpaid overtime I think that's a new record for me. on a day where I was supposed to have no overtime no less. funny how I only have 3 of those this month and the 2 so far I've had to work overtime anyway 👍

[volumniafox]

Jeff needs to go to the kitty dentist and possibly get a tooth pulled put because his gums are apparently starting to absorb it. Send thoughts and prayers for the poorest boy in the world

[daffythefox]

OH MAN I FORGOT I GOT PAID TODAY I WANNA GO OUT AND BUY THINGS

[kittyhazelnut]

man Christmas is great except for that my brother comes home from school and spends every single night screaming at his computer about how fucking stupid his video game is, and yet somehow, it's never stupid enough to stop playing? it's literally been hours and he won't shut up. I was upstairs in the bathroom with the water running and it still sounded like he was screaming right in my ear. and as I was writing this, he left (yet another) hole in the wall, broke the chair we've had for quite literally as long as I can remember and never had a problem with, and fucked up the pet gate that keeps the dogs from murdering annoying my cat. this!!! is not!!! normal!!!!!! it's not fucking normal!!!!! there is nothing normal about this!!!!! how does he not understand how fucked up he is????? does he not understand that this is not healthy????? my poor dogs are fucking terrified!!! they've been hiding under the beds upstairs this whole time!!!!! he even scared my kitten!!!! my kitten grew up with this!!!! he's practically unscarable!!!!! he was fucking scared!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!

[surprisebitch]

missing the UK tbh..

[screampied]

hey i LOVE your work and ykk ou ur toji is just like… UGHHHH

could you do a mean toji who just mocks the reader and makes fun of her while she gets off on him (like idk his thighs or whatever) or when he fucks her? i feel like you would write this very well;)

❤︎ ໋𓈒 toji mocking your moans while you ride him

warnings. fem! reader, thigh riding & cowgirl, dirty talk, praise, ōrgasm denial, breath play, spanking. + thank you sm !! mdni

“we’re quite handsy today, huh,” he’d mumble once his eyes flicker down towards your nude body—you suck in a single breath as he’s got you just barely straddling his lap. with an unsatisfied pout, you’re just here moving up and down against his beefy thigh—oh so desperately wishing that you were riding him instead of his stupid, stupid leg. toji’s amusement only fuels the more you frown and scowl, pawing your hands up his perfectly chiseled thighs before he snickers. “what’s the issue? my thigh not enough to satisfy the pretty girl?”

“no..” you immediately say, throwing your arms around his broad shoulders. he could hear the irritation linger on your tone before you bury your face into his neck . . a good waft of his loud cologne scent infiltrating inside your nostrils.

two rugged hands drag down your back, sending you multiple shivers from his touch before he replies in a hoarse tone. “well, that’s too damn bad,” and his chortling laugh only makes you throb from how close it’s against your ear—fuck. “actually, y’know what. i feel like bein’ nice today, baby. you want more than my thigh? how ‘bout ya jus’ ask me nicely.”

“but—”

“but—nothin’ girl, now speak,” toji utters, feeling your grinding against his thigh—grabbing your chin softly before making you stare him right in the eyes. he slyly grins, a thumb tracing down your dampened lip. “i’ll wait.. talk to me nice, girl.”

your eyes avert towards his dick, just laying there on his stomach—so ridiculously lengthy, a mere tannish color coats it - including his leaky tip that stares right back at you.

it looks so good, you wanted him inside so bad that it hurts—he could tell too, you found it hard to stay still as you made a cute attempt at rutting against him once more.

“i— i want you, ‘toji,” you claw at his body with doe lit eyes, his swollen base—so full of unused seed that you desperately yearned for it to be inside of you, filling up your pretty little womb. “want you s'bad.”

“oh i know you do, babygirl,” he rasps, he can’t help but notice the sudden boner that makes his jaw tighten. coarse big hands grip both of your hips before he gawks at you with that same tantalizingly smug grin. “can’t just spoil ya all the time though, talk more for me. i like listenin’ to that needy voice.”

ugh, you start to grow impatient and he only laughs at your sheer annoyed expense.

“please,” you murmur out in a whiney tone, slowly wrapping your clammy fingers around his length. he doesn’t stop you, he lets you touch all over him, aligning yourself with the fat weight of his cock that was just aching to be buried within you. “i wanna ride you so bad, ‘toj. need it, need your cum.”

“girl you don’t need . . . shit,” he swallows, a cold sweat breaking onto him.

you’re fucking hot—especially whenever you just take what you want, toji could have creamed his pants at just your voice and your voice alone.

you had him so hard, he sucks his teeth in total exasperation before he feels you slowly start to sink him down. “fuck, y’er such a little brat,” he mutters, feeling the warmth of your walls swallow him whole. it was a moist feeling, you were already a bit soaked—purely from riding his thigh for how many minutes, you weren’t even sure anymore, nor did you even relatively care. “ride me then, do y’er fuckin’ worst then.”

“shut up and i will.” you snap back.

he rolls his eyes, feeling your ass thrash against his lap and it makes him squeeze the plush mounds of your rear.

“eh, i really don’t like that mouth,” and he spanks you harder, this time it stings and you moan—he’s so thick that your stomach starts to seize once you feel him gradually reach into the depths of your pussy. “when you ride me, there shouldn’t be any back talk, girl,” and he grabs your chin for the nth time, pressing a sweltering wet kiss right onto your glossed lips. “. . . are we clear or do i gotta let this pussy know what goes ‘round here.”

…so cocky,

you gnaw at your lip—fighting back the urge to roll your own eyes backwards before you thrust against him harder.

it’s relentless, the brutal skin-to-skin contact makes a raw moan harshly yank from the back of your throat as your hands continue to claw on his chest.

his bare chest that was already glistening with droplets of sweat. he was so toned, his pecs—his nipples that were swollen and a sheeny pink color, you even attempt to lean in to lap your tongue against his nipple but he lightly shoves you back.

“leave those alone, slut,” and you conceal back a laugh—by 'those', he was most likely referring to his tits broad pecs. “ride me, ‘n hurry up. ‘m gonna fall asleep at this rate.”

toji never knew how to simply shut the fuck up, such a talkative man—whispering filthy sweet nothings into your ear as you’re taking every thick inch of his cock. he stretches you out so good that you’re already whimpering, eyes goggling profusely at the way his angry tip just thwacks and thwacks against your g-spot. “s-shiiit, toji,” you’d curse out in a sharp breath, continuing to drag your hips further against him at such a pace.

in and out, in and out, you’re rotating your waist a bit before he grunts lowly, head throwing back and he smacks your ass yet again, and again, and again. “fuck yeah, ride me jus’ like that. such a good girl, takin’ this dick like the good girl you are, mhm.”

“t—tojiiiii,” you’d mewl out right against the flapping shell of his ear. your cunt felt so stuffed, a straining exhale snatches from your lungs before you whimper once his base kisses against your ass. his base was so full, you only imagined how much build up cum was stored in there just for you.

“t—tojiiiiiii,” he mimics your tone as you mash against him, the sofa he sits on sinking down a bit from both weights combined. you pout once he starts mocking you, a gruff laugh dies from his throat before he squeezes your right ass cheek. “feels good, yeah? keep moanin’ for me like that.”

“shut up, s-shut uppp,” you moan, burying your face into his neck. doing so, you get a concise whiff of his cheap cologne and it smells so good. you’re a mess, spasming as your stomach continues to seize before he grabs both of your hips so that you could slam down onto him even harder. “close, toji. ‘m really close, fuck.”

he groans, feeling the hefty weight of his balls smack against your skin each time you move up, then down, then up . . . all over again. toji’s a big guy, it was no secret. the way your pussy constricts around his length, paving way for more movement . . . simply hypnotizing.

“yeahhh,” he snarls, strong hands still attached to your ass. green irises of his dilate, his eyes turn hooded for a second as he glances back at you. an entire mess, tongue all lolled out and you’re feeling it steadily about to approach. “look so fuckin’ dumb,” he points out with a subtle head shake, grabbing your chin again. “my dumb baby,” he corrects himself and your pout softens.

he’s so fucking big— you’ll point this out a million times if you have to, the stretch was so immaculate.

toji groans, pressing another saturated kiss onto your lips and you taste a brief mixture of his saliva and alcohol—presumably rum, you lean into his touch before feeling his big hands snake near your neglected tits. his growing stubble tickles against your face as you quicken your pace. so good, so fucking good.

all you can think about is that you’re getting off, you’re about to finish— gush out so much, you feel a familiar pit in your stomach arise. he feels you starting to shake and twitch, it’s cute.

“. . easy, now,” he teases, finding it adorable how whenever your orgasm approaches—you’d be an entire mess, pussy convulsing all on his cock as if it was the first time you ever took him. “oh my just look at that pout,” he points out, reaching towards your chin before bringing you all up close towards his face. not to mention, toji’s so pretty up close—ten times more intimidating with his low hazy eyes and wide sleazy smile. “such a baby. want me to talk ya through it?”

“p—please,” you whine, barely even giving him a chance to finish his seductive sentence.

with a playful eyebrow furrow, he makes you grind against him even harder. the sofa creaks and you squeak out a whimper, feeling yourself about to make such a mess. “please, please,” he copies your tone again, and it’s so embarrassing. toji purposely pitches his tone to sound like you and he snickers at the growing glare on your face. “please what, babygirl?”

with an irritated grumble, your flimsy arms still thrown over him, you moan out a desperate, “please let me c-cum. toji, i want it s’bad, pleaseplease let me be a messy girl.”

“. . . ahhhh,” he parts his lips, and he’s oh so dramatic, flickering his eyes towards the ceiling as if he’s deep in thought. “let me think about it.”

you didn’t know how much you could take, you’re sopping wet and his raspy deep voice that was right up against your earlobe doesn’t make things any better.

jagged breaths rip out from your esophagus as your shaky limbs could barely keep themselves up. he cackles, feeling your soft quavering lips kiss near his face, brushing against the scar that runs near the right lower part of his lip. it twitches as a response from your touch, how cute..

“hurry the fuck up then, lay it all on me,” he finally grunts, witnessing the way your dilated irises light up at his sudden permission— you whimper out, finally coming undone and it’s like a rough wave that crashes over you. the calm before the storm, once it comes, you’re left pulsating with his thick dick still buried inside of your cunt. you hug him tight with your walls like a vice, never wanting to let go. “you make such the silliest noises, girl.”

“s— shut up,” you moan, the under parts of your thighs aching heavily as you’re still in the midst of your teeth-shattering release. it feels so good, your maw drops and the contracts inside of your pussy only duplicates. it’s mouth watering, you grind against him just slightly and he spanks your ass, head going back. “i- i love you, toji.”

“i love me too,” he jibes with a cocky grin, sweat beads racing down the sides of his brow. you shoot him a glare and he rolls his eyes for the nth time. “. . kidding,” and he plants a kiss near your forehead, rough hand still attached to your right ass cheek like velcro. “i love you too, sweetheart.”

you’re still panting, but he’s clearly not done talking— it’s toji, figures.

“now bend the fuck over,” he grouses, eyes gazing towards your ass— a tongue goes against his lips like he was preparing for an appetizing meal. “i’m not finished. we gotta work on that lazy arch of yours, girl.”

[wholoveseggs]

Kinktober - {Day Twenty-Six} {<- kinktober masterlist}

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List} {Kinktober}

{Elijah Mikaelson x f!Reader} Request {Anon}: Hi, for kinktober could you do one with Elijah and have shower/ bath sex with some mirror included? Preferably bathroom sex atmosphere and please use she/her pronouns and heterosexuality please and thank you.

♡♡♡ Ugh love this idea anon! I made this one super sappy & steamyy ..♡♡♡

2.4k words - Kinks: mirror sex, shower sex, Elljah being sweet & a tea kettle ..

Elijah could tell you were exhausted the moment you walked into the compound.

The dark circles under your eyes were a sign that you hadn't been sleeping well. Your shoulders were tense, and the bags you were carrying were heavy. He immediately grabbed them from you, setting them aside.

"Ughhhh," you groaned, falling against his chest. "It's been a day, and a half. A long, fucking, exhausting, day and a half."

He squeezed you against him, his fingers running through your hair. Seeing you like this, all he wanted was to make you feel better. "Did you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." You let out a sigh. "Can we just watch a movie, and I don't know..."

You felt so shitty, that the ability to make simple decisions had escaped you. You were too tired to even think.

"I have a better idea," he said, "go take a hot shower and I'll make you a cup of tea. We can cuddle on the couch and watch movies, okay?"

You smiled against him, and then looked up into his warm brown eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss against your lips. Then, with a swat to your ass, he nudged you in the direction of the stairs.

You smiled, loving when he did little things like that.

As you reached the top of the stairs, you could hear him in the kitchen, starting the water for your tea. You went to his bedroom and into the bathroom, turning the shower on and letting the water heat up.

It's always a bit of a strange feeling, using someone else's shower. You looked around at all of the toiletries, everything expensive and high quality, just like him. The thought brought a smile to your face.

His shower was ridiculously fancy, with a huge rain shower head, glass paneling, and a built-in bench. It was all so pristine, it was as if no one had ever used it before.

You got undressed, and stepped under the hot stream of water, the tension in your muscles slowly beginning to dissipate.

You closed your eyes, and tilted your head back, letting the water run through your hair and down your face. The tension in your muscles had begun to melt, and you sighed with relief.

You grabbed an expensive looking bottle, sniffing the contents. It smelled like him, and it made you feel warm inside. He was always so good to you, and he always seemed to know what you needed, even when you didn't.

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in," you called out.

He entered, his eyes sweeping across your naked form. "What kind of tea do you want? I have chamomile, green, or I have a new lavender blend that Freya made..."

He was trying his best to keep his gaze focused on your face, but you could tell he was struggling. It made your core throb, just the way he was looking at you.

"Surprise me," you said with a smirk.

"Alright," he said, clearing his throat, and making an effort to leave.

"'lijah?" you called out.

He stopped, and looked at you again. "Yes, love?"

"Would you like to join me?" You asked, biting your bottom lip.

He gave you one of his slow smiles, the lines around his eyes creasing in a way that made you want to melt. "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all," you said with a grin.

You watched as he removed his clothes, and folded them neatly, placing them on the sink counter. His eyes never left yours, and the more skin he exposed, the hotter you felt.

The steam had caused his hair to curl a bit, it made him look even sexier, if that was possible.

He opened the door and stepped inside, standing before you, the water running down his skin.

"Hi," he said, smiling shyly.

"Hey," you replied, stepping towards him.

You took his face in your hands, and kissed him, his wet skin sliding against yours. He wrapped his arms around you, and pulled you flush against him, his length pressed between you.

"I have to say, your shower is quite impressive," you said with a grin, leaning in for another kiss.

"Thank you," he said. "I'll be sure to tell my architect."

He pulled you closer, his hand sliding down the slope of your spine, coming to rest on your lower back. He held you like that, the two of you kissing languidly, under the hot stream of water.

He reached for a bottle, pouring some liquid soap into his hand, and then rubbed them together. You loved the way he was looking at you, like he was going to devour you whole.

He ran his hands along your body, his fingers exploring every inch of you. His touch was firm, kneading and massaging your tired muscles. You leaned into him, closing your eyes.

You were feeling relaxed, but you also felt turned on, the way he was touching you, the way his fingers were gliding over your slick, wet skin. You looked up at him, his gaze heavy, and intense.

You smiled, and grabbed the bottle, returning the favor.

His body was perfect. Every inch of him was firm, and smooth. His broad shoulders and muscular chest, and his arms... his arms were something else. You enjoyed his patch of chest hair, and the happy trail leading to his cock. The way the water ran down his face and over his body was enough to drive you crazy.

He was watching you with lustful eyes, the way your hands were exploring his body. You were teasing him, your fingers ghosting along his lower stomach. The heat had seeped into your bones, and the feel of his skin against yours had started a fire inside of you.

You could feel yourself growing more and more aroused, his hard length pressing into your belly, only making you more desperate.

His kisses trailed from your mouth, along your jaw, down your neck, and onto your collar bone. You sighed, your hand coming to tangle in his damp hair, your nails gently scraping his scalp. He took a step forward, backing you up against the wall, the tiles cool against your back.

You reached for him, and wrapped your fingers around his cock. He groaned, his forehead falling against yours. He pressed into you, and you began to stroke him, feeling him grow harder with each pump of your hand.

You loved the way he responded to you, the way the water cascaded down his chest, and the way his breath quickened as you increased the pace of your movements.

He took your wrist and pulled you off of him. Then he guided you towards the bench, getting you to sit down, your back against the tile wall.

"Would you like to see what else this shower is capable of?" He asked with a wicked smile.

"Mmm, show me," you answered, excited to find out.

He reached up and fiddled with a couple of dials, until the jets came on, the water shooting out at different angles, and varying pressures. The steam was thick and heavy in the air.

You could feel the warm water misting against your skin. You sighed, it felt so good. He knelt in front of you, and kissed you, then moved on to your neck. You closed your eyes, your head falling back against the tile.

His kisses trailed from your neck, to your chest, his tongue laving over a nipple. You let out a moan, your body melting against him. His hands moved down your sides, hooking under your knees, spreading your legs.

He continued to kiss his way down, until he reached your core. He paused for a moment, looking up at you, his eyes dark, and lust filled. You bit your lip, and nodded. He grinned, and began to kiss and suck on your inner thigh.

He placed your leg over his shoulder, and then buried his face in between your thighs, his tongue licking up the length of your pussy. Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, desperate for more.

He licked and sucked on your clit, his fingers rubbing your opening. You moaned, your head falling back, your eyes squeezing shut. He was groaning softly, the deep vibrations causing waves of pleasure to course through your body.

He kept a slow, steady rhythm, curling his finger to hit that sweet spot inside of you. Your grip on his hair tightened, and you cried out, his name falling from your lips, lost in the thick, humid air.

Your orgasm was building, your hips grinding against his face. He increased his speed, sucking harder, his finger moving faster, the pressure coiling tighter, and tighter.

And then it happened, a burst of heat and euphoria, rushing through your veins, as the orgasm rippled through your body. You could hear him groan as you clenched around his finger, and his mouth continued to lick and suck at you, drawing out the waves of pleasure.

He removed his finger, and gently sucked and nibbled on your clit, before giving it a tender kiss and leaning back. You were still panting, trying to catch your breath, and regain some sense of reality.

He shook his head, water flying off his hair, a sly smirk on his face. He stood up, and reached behind him, turning the dials off.

He pulled you up, and into his arms, causing you to giggle. He gave you a kiss, and then took a step backwards, bringing you with him, and pushing the shower door open.

"Where are we going?" You asked, laughing.

"Having sex in a shower is never as comfortable as people think," he explained, pulling you out into the steamy bathroom, the air was so thick it was hard to see.

"And I'm worried you'll slip," he said, walking towards the sink counter.

"Ah," you said with a smile. "You're a very thoughtful lover."

He chuckled. "I try."

You laughed, wiping the condensation off the mirror, your hair and skin wet and slick. He was still behind you, kissing and nibbling on the shell of your ear.

You could see him in the reflection, his arms wrapped around you, his hands running over the contours of your body. You pushed your hips back, grinding against him, feeling his cock throb against you.

He looked up, meeting your eyes in the mirror and you smiled, bending over the sink and giving him a wink.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," he said, running a hand down the curve of your spine.

You watched him in the reflection, the way his gaze followed the curves of your body, and the way his tongue flicked out, wetting his lips. His fingers weaved through your hair, while his other hand was on his cock, guiding it into you.

The sensation of being filled, stretched and pleasured was so overwhelming. You gripped the counter, and let out a gasp. His fingers gripped your hips, his gaze never leaving yours in the reflection.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

"More than okay," you assured him. "It's so hot, watching us."

You could see the way his face changed, his lips parting, his breathing quickening. His eyes were hooded and dark, a look of lust and desire that had you aching for more.

He moved inside of you, slow and deep, his gaze fixed on yours. You could feel him, filling and stretching you, each movement bringing you closer to the edge.

You enjoyed the way the water darkened all of his features, his hair clinging to his face, the way his eyes were even more intense, the way his skin glistened. You loved the way his muscles flexed, the way he moved inside of you, how his hands were gripping you.

He began to move faster, his cock hitting you in all the right places. He gently tugged on your hair, pulling you back towards him. Your head fell against his chest, his other arm wrapping around you, his lips on your neck, sucking little marks into the soft, sensitive skin.

You could feel him everywhere, all around you, the weight of his body holding you down, the scent of him in the air. His fingers were gripping your hip, his arm was tight around your waist. You were both moaning, your skin sliding against his.

Your eyes met in the mirror, his expression one of pure ecstasy, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open, his brows knit together. It was enough to push you over the edge, and send you flying. You moaned his name, and clenched around him, your body pulsing and quivering.

He pulled you back towards him, and thrust into you a few more times, before finding his own release, spilling inside of you.

He stayed there, buried deep, his head on your shoulder, the two of you catching your breath. He kissed the back of your neck, and gently pulled out.

You stood up, and he handed you a towel, and wrapped one around himself. Then he scooped you up, and carried you out to his bedroom.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked, setting you down on his bed.

"Much," you said, snuggling into his soft sheets, reaching out for him to join you.

He was about to climb in beside you, when he paused, tilting his head towards the door. Then he stood, rushing out of the room.

You heard him running down the stairs, and then you heard the faint sound of the kettle whistling. You laughed to yourself, shaking your head. He had been so wrapped up in the moment, that he had completely forgotten about the tea.

He returned a few minutes later, and you had made yourself comfortable, waiting for him. He had a sheepish look on his face, and a hot mug of tea in his hand.

"I may have damaged the stove... And the kettle," he admitted, handing you the drink.

You let out a laugh, the steam rising from the cup. "Oh, 'lijah."

He shrugged, climbing into bed beside you, pulling you into his arms.

"How about a movie marathon?" He asked, placing a kiss against your head.

After a long day, nothing was better than this. You were curled up next to him, safe, and loved, and warm. So relaxed that you fell asleep before the first film had even started.

{<- kinktober masterlist}

[asteroshearts]

My Type

Oh no! Nanami's wife is just Itadori's type!

Or the story of how, upon meeting Nanami's wife, Itadori just can't take his eyes off her.

Nanami x Reader

Tags: this story was referenced here, but can be read completely alone, she/her pronouns, discussions of body types, Itadori's a bit of a pervert here (but he doesn't actually see anything!! Nanami, however, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)), typical anime flashing

Hey Ken: How are you feeling?

You: Like shit My fever got worse after you left

Hey Ken: I'll be home soon. Please take ibuprofen, drink lots of water, and rest as much as you can. I'm finishing up now.

You: I just checked our cabinet We ran out of Bufferin UGHHHH I feel terrible I fucking told Daiki from accounting that he should go home if he was coughing but he said it was fine AND COUGHED IN MY FACE And now look at me

Hey Ken: We're out? I'll pick some up on my way home while I grab our other groceries. Please wait for me until then. Take a nap if you can. You're just going to get more exhausted thinking of the idiots in your office.

You: I looked online, delivery is going to take over an hour I'm getting dizzier I don't want to wait I'm going to go to the Matsukiyo near us to get it myself

Hey Ken: What?

Hey Ken: Don't go. I'll pick it up.

Hey Ken: Darling. Read my messages.

Hey Ken: Pick up the phone.

(10) Missed Calls

Several moments ago…

Itadori already thought that today got off to a weird start.

To begin with, it wasn't Ijichi in the driver's seat to pick him up today, but Nanamin. It also wasn't the Jujutsu Tech standard vehicle, but a nice, sleek, and expensive Porsche.

"W-Woah! Nanamin!" Itadori called then. Eyes wide and bright at the polished paint that glistened in the heavy sunlight. "Nice ride!" he said giddily, running his fingers across the aerodynamic doors. Popping his head up toward Nanami's window, he said, "This must've cost you a fortune!" And he thought that Gojo-sensei spent crazily.

"It was a gift," Nanami flatly said. The boy gaped at him like a fish. But who would just give away a car like this? They had to be really close — or maybe he had saved some rich guy and he thanked Nanamin by giving him a brand new car! The boy's eyes shone. Maybe one day he could get a nice gift like — "Get in." The doors unlocked.

"Hiya, Ijichi-san! Must be nice not driving for once, huh?" While marveling at the car's clean interior, he hopped into the back seat, feeling the leather under his hands and the cool blast of the AC hit his sweaty hair after being in the summer sun.

"Good morning, Itadori-kun," the dark-haired man said with a nervous smile. The car rumbled beneath them as Nanami turned the engine back on. "Nanami-san is surely giving me a nice change of pace — "

"Our duties will not change," Nanami stated, turning the wheel. "Ijichi-san is still required to do his job, as well as you, Itadori-kun. Don't get distracted." The pink-haired boy pouted in the backseat. "It just so happens that I have urgent errands to run after this, so time is of the essence."

Turning into an alleyway, Nanami smoothly hit the brakes and put the car into park. "Let's go."

Luckily for him, the curse was a low-level one mostly used for teaching Itadori the ropes, and the two of them managed to exorcise it in record time. For someone who was just thrust into the world of curses several weeks ago, he was doing well. As well as anyone could in his situation.

The boy was still a bumbling newbie, but he had a good head on his shoulders and was a strong opponent for most curses that they dealt with on a daily basis. Lips twitching into a frown, the blond thought that if Gojo didn't poison the youth's mind, surely Yuji would continue having a nice and mature head on his shoulders.

Nanami had to drop Ijichi off at his next assignment, but other than that, all he needed was to drop Itadori off at the college and then he could return to his sick wife. Paperwork still needed to be done, but luckily he could finish that at a later time. Unfortunately, last night you had a major headache and showed signs of an upcoming sickness this morning.

He had just barely convinced you to not do remote work and just take the day off to rest instead. However, as he checked on his messages with you, he found out that you were insisting on double — no, triple mask to go to the pharmacy yourself. All while you had a 37.5-degree fever.

He tried to call you once, thrice, and all of them were left for voicemail.

Cursing inwardly, Nanami leaned his head back on the headrest. Normally, the blond man was the arbiter of restraint and level-headed thinking, but all of that went out the door at the mere thought of his sickly wife dragging herself out in the street to get some medication. Why did you have to be so stubborn?

"My apologies, Itadori-kun." Nanami pushed up his glasses. "I need to take a detour before I drop you off at your dorm. I apologize for the inconvenience."

The boy blinked owlishly. "Oh that's alri — GH!"

Without another word, Nanami quickly turned left, jolting the teen to the side from the momentum, increasing the speed of his vehicle, and raced down the streets.

Within five minutes, Itadori felt like a dog left in the car as his "owner" raced into the nearest grocery store to grab medication, vegetables, and grains for the upcoming, proverbial storm. Even as the cashier tried their hardest to ignore the intense stare of the tall blond man before them, every second that ticked by as they scanned his purchase felt like hours.

As soon as he nearly threw his money on the tray and took all of the grocery bags under his toned arms, Nanami was off again, shifting into drive and ignoring the speed limit all the way back home.

Nanami could've nearly run into his apartment's chain-link garage doors if it had lifted any slower, allowing him access to his own underground parking before he landed in his designated parking spot within three seconds.

Racing out the car, he took all of the grocery bags over one muscular arm and was prepared to run off until he remembered he had a teen in the backseat.

"Itadori-kun," he said hurriedly. "Can you — " The man stopped himself short.

He originally planned to tell the boy to wait for him in the car, but caught sight of the boy's skin gleaming with sweat, reflecting one of the garage's low lights. Summer was brutal right now, with insane humidity that made Itadori's hair damp as if he had just taken a dunk in water. Even though the parking garage was cooler than it was outside, it was still unbearably hot, not to mention cruel, if he had forced the teen to just sit here and deal with it. Itadori had already waited in the hot car when he went out to grab groceries, and although he rolled the windows down, suddenly Nanami remembered all of the articles of puppies and toddlers dying in the back of cars during the summer.

Sighing, the man pushed his glasses up. "Behave yourself. Come with me."

"Ken?" Eyes wide, you held the door open. Keys were lifted up in the air in the man's hands, but you had beat him to the chase and opened the door before he managed to get the key in the keyhole. "Oh! I didn't know that you were bringing a guest." Stepping back quickly, you realized another person was standing behind your husband. "If I had known, I would've worn a surgeon mask!" Alert, you said. "Hold on, I'll go grab one right now — !"

"No need. We'll make this fast." He was about to take a step forward, but then realized that the student hadn't moved an inch ever since you opened the door. "Itadori-kun?"

As still as a statue, pink slowly rose from the boy's neck all the way up to the tips of his ears. He couldn't rip his gaze from you for even a second. Although your hair wasn't done and your face was covered, he could tell just how beautiful you were.

Furthermore, you looked just like the pin-up models he had in his room — you were just his type! Your little chemise barely ended at the middle of your thigh, and although everything important was covered up, it left little to the imagination with how the fabric hugged your waist and hips. As you held the door open for them and leaned forward, the loose triangle top of your nightgown was teasing him with the exposed curves and valleys of your chest.

You were too hot!

"Itadori-kun," Nanami repeated, irritated.

Way too hot for Nanamin!

"Nanamin! You didn't tell me that you were married!" Eyes nearly bugging out of their sockets, Itadori almost thought they had gotten the wrong apartment when you had just opened the door. While his mentor was an attractive man, it was like a mountain and a molehill to the teenager. Not to mention that this strict and serious ex-salaryman was hitched! To a babe no less!

Certainly, you didn't marry for personality!

He couldn't imagine what your daily life was like while Nanamin talked about doing the bare minimum and never smiled.

Raising an eyebrow, Nanami followed Itadori's stare to your state of dress. You weren't even wearing your indoor slippers, and you were absolutely breathtaking even if you had a dark clay mask over your face. He wasn't an idiot, and he could feel his blood vessels pumping harshly. Trying to remind himself with mantras of how Itadori was just a stupid, hormonal teenager, and you could dress how you wanted, and that he especially couldn't beat up Itadori. Pinching his nose bridge, the man couldn't even look at the boy. "My personal life and my work life are completely separate. I wouldn't anno — !"

"But you don't even wear a wedding ring!" Itadori insisted.

"Why would I wear my rings when my daily job involves fighting and getting messy?" Nanami rhetorically asked, stepping through your door with all the groceries in one go. "Wedding and engagement rings are investments, and I'd be damned if I lose my rings and be forced to inflate the wedding ring industry any more than I already have."

Grinning, you beamed at Itadori. Only you really know how seriously Nanami took the "three month's salary on rings" tradition, especially on his sorcerer's salary. "Now you know, Itadori-kun! If you catch him committing adultery while he's out without his ring, you'll shank him for me, right?" Placing both of your hands on your husband's waist, you laughed when you playfully tried to shake him. Of course, that didn't do much. Your man continued to stand there like a stone statue, as if you tried to rock a brick wall while he remained wholly unamused.

From your weak roughhousing, all that managed to do was drop your spaghetti strap from your shoulder. With your dress threatening to slip, Nanami sighed and quickly stood in front of you, blocking your body from Itadori's gaze. He carefully and slowly pulled your shoulder strap back up your body before you managed to flash the poor teen. When you looked up, his brown eyes met with yours.

Gently rubbing your bare shoulder with his large hand, he asked, "I thought you said you were going to Matsukiyo?"

"I was," you rasped out, voice raw from all the coughing you did. "But then I took one step outside and it was too damn hot." Laughing weakly, you said, "I slunk back like a vampire the second the humidity hit me."

The man sighed deeply, and his shoulders dropped in relief and exhaustion. While he ran around like a chicken with its head cut off from worry, he was glad that you ended up not going out after all.

"Why didn't you pick up my calls?" he said deeply, leaning in close enough for you to feel his breath on your ear.

"I was making okayu with kombu," you explained. "Sorry," you said genuinely, "that's all I managed to make for our dinner today."

"I'm upset that you cooked in the first place," Nanami scolded. "You should be resting. I said I'd take care of it. Why were you in the kitchen when the hot fumes could make your fever even worse?" Turning away from his nagging, you pouted.

"I'm hungry though…" you mumbled, far too much like a spoiled child, and Nanami was sure, in some way, that you were spoiled, of his making too. He always prioritized you and let you have your way. "And I already ate the miyeok guk you made."

"You could've ordered delivery," the man countered.

"Nothing interested me there."

Inhaling deeply once more, Nanami tried to calm the upcoming headache he felt. There was no point in arguing with you, not when you were coughing and sick like this. "Stay here. I'm going to whip up a bowl of okayu to have with your medicine," the man ordered before he picked up a blanket you had draped over one of your couches and wrapped you in it like a burrito. When you opened your mouth, your husband only sternly repeated, "Stay."

Playfully rolling your eyes when he left to go to the kitchen, you puffed out your cheeks in mock irritation. Closing the door to your apartment so the AC couldn't escape anymore, you turned to the teen who was standing awkwardly in your home.

"Aw I'm sorry," you said, voice sounding like sandpaper again. "You know, Kento's kinda strict, but I assure you he's a good man," you said gently. "Thank you so much for taking care of him."

"M-Me?" Itadori sputtered. "I'm not the one taking care of him! He takes care of me! Um…" The boy grew demure when he realized he had no way to address you.

"Oh," you realized you didn't introduce yourself. "I apologize! I totally forgot! I know you since Ken talks about you and Ino all the time, but I didn't realize you didn't know me!"

Itadori gasped. "He talks about me?!"

"Of course! All good things!" you assured. "Even though Kento seems like a meanie, he's a genuine person and wouldn't exaggerate, so he wouldn't praise you unless he absolutely meant it." You knew that this was the teen that hosted Sukuna, the King of Curses. It was a heavy burden for someone who wasn't even an adult yet, and your heart grew heavy at the thought of this boy's fate.

"Before I forget…" Quickly, you ran to your bathroom and cleaned off your clay face mask before you returned with your bare face wet and a cloth Pompompurin headband keeping your hair out of the way. "I need to introduce myself."

Now Itadori was sure that you two were married with the way you introduced yourself nearly identically to your husband. With your back straight and shoulders squared, hands flat, and arms straight at your side, you closed your eyes and bowed.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Itadori-kun." You acquired your business card out of thin air and held it out for the boy. "My name is Nanami [Name], and I'm a senior project manager at Yurukawa Corp. If you or your friends ever get tired of exorcising curses and want to look into engineering, you can ask me!"

Huh?

It was too silent.

When you rose and looked up, you realized that your husband had suddenly materialized out of nowhere. Standing in between you and Itadori, your husband's stern expression could freeze hell over as he stared down at Itadori with a frown, arm outstretched and his hand held up — right where Itadori's eyes would've seen your cleavage when you bent over to bow.

"Itadori-kun."

"Y-Yes!"

"We are going. Now."

The car was completely silent the entire way to the dorm rooms. Quickly shifting the car into park, Itadori jumped at the sudden stop.

No one said a word. The entire ride felt like the air was heavy enough to drown in.

"Itadori-kun." Nanami's eyes were hidden by the reflection in his glasses.

"…Yes?" the boy squeaked out, pressing his index fingers together.

"Never ogle my wife again."

[leclercstars]

ROCKSTAR. [pt.4]

Lando Norris x Reader

Summary: Lando invites you to his hotel room after your text exchange. Warnings: 18+ SMUTTYY!! Cursing, unprotected sex, dom!Lando, daddy kink etc.

hope y’all loved this series 🙈

“Ughhhh,” you groaned as the light shone through the curtains in your hotel room. Somehow even after your late-night shower, your mascara did not come off. You looked like the poster child of “partied too hard last night,” with your hair looking more like a lion’s mane and clothes half on. In your hungover daze, you rolled over and saw the slew of text message notifications on your phone. Two stood out, “Attachment: 1 image” and “thanks!” from a number that appeared to be Lando’s. You typed in your passcode and clicked on the texts.

“Holy fuck!” you exclaimed, hurling your phone across the bed. You stared with wide eyes at the phone- hands covering your mouth in shock. You tentatively reached for the phone again as if it was a cobra that was about to bite you or something. Yep, confirmed. Those are Lando’s abs splattered with cum. You were laughing, mostly because this whole situation still felt so unreal to you.

“Well good morning to you too!” you responded. It didn’t take long for those three dots to pop-up on your screen.

“Just come over tonight.” 

Well that’s fucking bold, you thought. But like- there was not a chance you would decline his invite. This is like having one-night stands with the annoying frat guys at school but 10x more justifiable. You were going to play it cool though, even though your skin was tingling with excitement.

“Time?” you replied. 

“10 works.”

Early as hell for a booty call, when is his bedtime? You laughed to yourself.

At 9:00 p.m., he texted you the address of the hotel he was staying at, and you slipped into the only Victoria’s Secret lingerie set you owned. Thank goodness you had impulse bought that for the man you were sleeping with last month who didn’t care if you were alive or dead.

There you were. Outside Lando Norris’ hotel room door.

“What the fuck am I doing,” you muttered to yourself before knocking.

He answered quickly, “Come in,” his voice already sounding sultry and thick. You had the feeling that as soon as you walked in, no time would be wasted. 

Boy, were you correct. He backed you up against the wall, and pinned your hands above your head. “Stuff like this okay?” his tone softened for just a moment. 

“More than,” you replied before planting kisses and bites all along his jawline. You didn’t even make it to his lips before his hand joined the dainty gold jewelry around your neck, pushing you back against the wall. His surprisingly soft lips slammed into yours, his tongue quickly finding its way down your throat. He stripped you down with such an ease that you could tell this was far from his first time around the track. He ripped the lingerie you were wearing off your body.

“Oh come on! That was hot but that was so expensive.” you laughed between the kisses.

“I’ll send you money for 4 new sets, don’t worry about it.” 

Oh that’s right- he’s like rich and is probably used to fucking ultra rich girls too. 

He picked you up and tossed you back down onto the bed- much nicer than yours over at the Hilton. Your neck looked like a vampire had gotten to it- covered in bites and bruises. Him signing your tits should have clued you in on his affinity for marking up his territory.

His fingers slipped into your pussy, and you tightened around him with a loud moan.

“Fuck I don’t think anyone has ever been this wet for me. Glad you like how daddy has been treating you.” Lando growled as he pumped in and out of you, making you more and more obedient with each curl of his index finger against your g-spot. 

He didn’t take himself out of you as his mouth made its way to your boobs.

“This is what I have been waiting for,” he said as he started circling your nipples with his tongue. Fuck- he is so good at teasing you. You squirmed desperately as he cupped your other boob in his hand. 

“Fuck Lando, come on just put your mouth on them.”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna do that without you asking for it,” his eyes glimmering with specks of lust as he looked up at you with his face smushed between your tits. 

Wow, he looked so cute just right there, but you couldn’t wait much longer. 

“Please daddy, suck on my tits. I want it- you so bad.” you whined, giving him the “fuck me” eyes that you had perfected after plenty of experiences just like this one. Those other guys had not been quite so dominant, but it was actually kind of fun being able to let go of all control. His warm mouth meeting your excruciatingly hard nipples was a pleasure like no other. He closed his eyes as he switched between them, biting and sucking. All that dominance really seemed to leave his body as he moaned into your boobs- almost whimpering. You were thrilled that your tits had that affect on him. It felt like you were taming him as you ran your hand through his curls and he fully relaxed himself into your chest. Did it always feel this good when guys did this? You loudly moaned and that seemed to snap him out of whatever boob-induced trance he was in. Thank goodness it did, because you were about to orgasm from his nipple play alone.

He grabbed you by the neck again, and that alone made you whine as his strong fingers pressed on the back of your head.

“You ready to be a good girl for me?” he was staring down at you, his eyes dark and hazy. You could tell he was thinking about what he was going to do to you, how he was gonna treat you like this.

“Yes, daddy.” Before you could even punctuate your words with a whimper- he had thrusted his entire length inside you. You gasped and sat up as his massive cock hit the back of your tight walls. He wasted no time as he started to pound into you. He pressed his entire naked body onto yours- as you buried your head into the crook between his neck and shoulder that looked like it had been sculpted by Davinci. Your nails dug into his back- and he cried out pleasurably- you knew you had to be leaving marks.

You had never been fucked so hard in your life, and certainly not by someone who looked like this. His perfectly tanned skin glistened as he made your pussy his, every single muscle in his arms on display as he held himself up. 

He took one hand and started flicking and pinching your nipple- and that was enough to bring you right to the edge.

“Lan-Lando,” you were barely even able to speak- he had really created such a mess out of you with his attitude, the big dick might have helped too. 

An orgasm shot through your body as he twisted your nipple- white sparks appearing in the corners of your eyes as you gave yourself to the ecstasy of it all,

“I’m gonna cum in your mouth,” Lando groaned as he pulled out of you.

You stuck your tongue out as he slapped his cock on it. You gripped the base and he shoved himself into the back of your throat- making you gag. That was what did it for him- as his hot cum filled up your mouth. His orgasm face was unlike anything you had ever seen before. Contorted so perfectly with pleasure, it was an image you never wanted to forget.

He flopped down onto the bed- no longer the dom-daddy that was fucking you five minutes ago. He grinned up at you, still naked. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of his ass, still a little woozy from his cock.

“STOP LOOKING AT IT!” he yelled with mock rage. You spiraled into peals of laughter as he grabbed the sheets to cover himself up. He was laughing too, looking like such a fool with his makeshift toga. He sat back up on the pillows and gestured for you to join him. He pulled the covers up and you rested your head gently on his chest. 

“So should we like watch a movie or something? I think this TV has HBO on it.” He was smiling down at you.

You could stay in this spot for a while.

part 1 part 2 part 3

taglist: @eviethetheatrefreak @thewritingofspencerrose @formulaa-1 @supremebaddietrash @moonayu @aexitizen-ln4 @notturlover @maxv33rstappen @coco-bitch

[papil0nglegs]

Scent 🕯️

Tf2 mercs scents

A/n: I was gonna say something about Medic shaving but then I got flash banged by that one picture of him with the hairy chest.

Scout

He took the term “cologne king” and ran with it.

He puts on like 10 sprays of cologne every morning guys it’s bad

Tries to cover his sleep stank with cologne every morning but it’s very much there

He does use deodorant because he’s not THAT stinky (tho spy is the one who forces him to wear it)

“Scout, did you put on your axe this morning?”

“ughhhh I don’t wanna 😒”

Uses 2 in one because he’s lazy asf. He’ll only use the good stuff if it’s from spy.

He doesn’t rlly care for face care, he uses the same bar of soap he uses to wash his ass and it works fine surprisingly

His rooms smells kinda musky but it’s subtle,it mostly comes from his mattress that he’s been using since childhood (which he barely fits on)

Heavy

Have you’ve ever been inside the car of a guy who works out frequently? Yeah

He smells musky asf, he does sweat a lot so it makes sense!

He has a subtle Cinnamon smell to him, no one knows if it’s from something he uses or if it’s natural

If you ever give him a hug god rest your soul cuz all your gonna be huffing in that day is his scent.

Def uses Dr squatch deodorant cuz he’s classy like that. Wont use cologne unless it’s a gift from someone

Spy

You’ll never catch this man being stinky, EVER.

He uses the good shit, Le Male Elixir, showers every night, and every now and then has a Smokey scent to him.

Scout begs and begs for his cologne but he’s a gatekeeping king so he won’t budge.

“SPY PLEASE JUST GIMME THE NAME”

“Absolutely not.”

“CMON-SPY WHAT ARE THE TOP NOTES? WHERE DO YOU NORMALLY SHOP??”

His shampoo has no scent + he doesn’t really care for buying the expensive stuff cuz his hair is always covered anyways.

His skincare is pretty good, uses face wash serum and moisturizer. No anti-aging stuff tho, he personally thinks aging is a privilege.

Pyro

If you can smell these two photos, you’re smelling pyro

Medic

He just smells like a hospital, but when finishing a mission he smells like straight blood.

His hospital smell mostly comes from the latex gloves he has to wear, the blood smell is from surgery’s or brutally killing enemies. (Obv)

Definitely doesn’t mind getting blood on him, so if you complain about the smell to him he’ll shrug it off.

Cologne wise he’d use something minty, he’d only ever use it when going somewhere fancy. Other than that he sees no use for cologne.

He’s quite high maintenance, so he never stinks nor does he necessarily smell good. He just smells like.. medic.

Demoman

You’ve ever took a whiff of milk to check if it’s expired? Yeah.

Sorry but he does not gaf, there’s a puke stain on his shirt from like a week ago + he uses pretty cheap cologne.

Def uses Irish spring cuz I said so, it fits him.

Would have a sleep stink but getting a sleep stink would come from a bed, lord knows he’ll make it to his bed before passing out drunk.

He doesn’t shave, he uses child safe scissors to cut his beard 😭 someone help him.

Engineer

ITS BAD.

but it’s also like, hot?

He had that garage workshop scent, he’s also sweaty cuz of course he is. For god sakes he’s in his 50s and doing garage work he shouldn’t be doing that he should be sitting down and having a fucking glass of water.

No cologne for him, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, that being all the sweat he collects from making shit he probably shouldn’t be making !!

Showers at night cuz that’s when he gets all the sweat off, he takes those piping hot showers that would burn off a normal persons skin off.

Sniper

He hangs around piss jars all day, I’ll let you do the rest.

No sleep, no cologne, just him. He just smells like rain and spoiled milk.

His camper van smell interesting to say the least, it’s not necessarily clean so it just smells like straight coffee, not the good kind.

He’s not that musty! He is quite hygienic.. in a way

He had a skincare routine, and spends half and hour in the shower cuz he ends up dozing off after a while <//3

He does NOT play about that skincare routine btw, if he sees a pimple he’s tracking down what he used to cause it.

Once he does he’ll use it as target practice lol

Soldier

This guy smells like 1000 things at once.

If you took a whiff of him he’d smell like straight dirt at first, but then it somehow transfers to a wet dog kind of smell, with a hint of oil.

*need a cologne of that

If you offer him deodorant/cologne he’ll deny it. He says that the way he smells is how god intended

His helmet smells FOULL, if you take the tiniest sniff you’re gonna pass out.

[stitchthelilo]

what if pets had tumblr? you could even call it… petblr?! (this is very self indulgent)

just a quick warning, there will be unreality stuff in this, stay safe ^^

0 notes

🐈‍⬛ orangekittylover Follow

i hate people who call orange cats dumb like bffr that’s an EXTREMELY harmful stereotype and you should be ashamed

🧀 mrsqueaksalot Follow

username checks out

🧀 mrsqueaksalot Follow

why do i hear something clawing at the wall

39,276 notes

👑 goldenkitty Follow

me to the cats who don’t get the expensive shit (my parents actually love me)

🌑 gothcatqueen Follow

GIRL.. LITERALLY ALL CAT FOOD IS EXPENSIVE 💀

👑 goldenkitty Follow

the difference is mine is actually good

#bitches wanna be like me fr

🌑 gothcatqueen Follow

DON’T ACT AS IF WE DON’T SEE THAT TAG, NOBODY WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU!! someone humble this kitten already.. probably the runt of the litter 💀💀

🐈‍⬛ themoontoyoursun Follow

that’s a bit too far.

1,829 notes

🐴 fastestmare Follow

prepping for a race, wish me luck yall

🐎 imevenfaster Follow

i hope you lose so bad they throw you a pity party

🐴 fastestmare Follow

WHAT THE FUCK

160 notes

🛑 petinfo101 Follow

Signs of a Human trying to TRICK YOU!

1. Line of treats, humans tend to use this to lure you into carriers or anything of the sorts.

Read more

🍊 zerobraincells Follow

i wish i saw this sooner.

102,922 notes

🐔 cluckinallnight Follow

to whoever is making that racket right outside of the barn… stop, i’m trying to sleep

🐺 hungryforchicken Follow

no

🐔 cluckinallnight Follow

your username concerns me

🐔 cluckinallnight Follow

like.. a lot. SHOULD I BE MOVING TO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FARM??

🐺 hungryforchicken Follow

WHAT NO STAY HERE I NEED MY DINNER

8,901 notes

❄️ babyitscoldoutside Follow

UGHHHH MY OWNER SWITCHED ME BACK TO DRY FOOD…… WHY EVEN GIVE ME WET FOOD IF YOU ARE JUST GONNA TAKE IT AWAY?? IT’S LITERALLY JUST TORTURE

☁️ balloffluff Follow

NO BUT EXACTLY BRO WHY CAN’T I KEEP EATING IT????????????

😾 angrykitty Follow

it makes me angry.

🧀 mrsqueaksalotjr Follow

username checks out

🐈‍⬛ orangekittylover Follow

if you don’t stfu right now i’ll give you the same fate as your father

🧀 mrsqueaksalotjr Follow

MY BAD? 😨

🐶 thebestboy Follow

your owners stop doing that??

1,892,483 notes

🐇 grasseater Follow

just built a new burrow!!

🐺 hungryforchicken Follow

let me just.. change my username real quick

🐺 hungryforrabbit Follow

you know what they say, it’s rabbit season!!!

🐇 grasseater Follow

IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO RABBIT SEASON ITS JANUARY

🐺 hungryforrabbit Follow

every month is rabbit season for me :)

16 notes

🐾 shortkingsforlife Follow

i swear to dog why do humans make us chihuahuas have such a bad reputation?? WE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING, YOU ARE THE ONES WHO PROVOKED US AND MADE US GET HOSTILE!

🐈‍⬛ orangekittylover Follow

i can relate, humans say black cats are "bad luck"

🐾 shortkingsforlife Follow

aw i’m so sorry :(

🐾 shortkingsforlife Follow

hey how about we talk more in dms?

🐈‍⬛ orangekittylover Follow

i’d like that :3

🐈 thesuntoyourmoon Follow

finally a wholesome moment on here for once

220 notes

[wannaeatramyeon]

Goo Kim x Reader: Partner 'privileges'

G/N reader. This is so so stupid. Crack.

Goo Kim is really a strange kinda guy.

Although. You only need to take one look at him and it simply becomes obvious.

The designer suits and expensive haircuts do nothing to hide the aura of pure chaos.

Really, your partner privileges are just one step away from malicious and even then, it usually straddles the line between loving and unhinged.

Sigh. Who can you blame apart from yourself. After all, you did choose him.

.

.

Upon seeing another couple lovingly feed each other mouthfuls from their respective plate, your boyfriend had the bright idea to copy them.

Which is all well and good until he piled his spoon high and tried to ram it down your throat.

"Fuck off!" you manage, as he squishes your cheeks with one hand and tries to open your mouth with what can only be described as a spoonful of slop with the other.

.

.

And his sulks are legendary. For the silliest things too.

But screw him. You will take your gaming victories, and you will gloat as you completely thrash him on video games even as he begs you to take it easy on him.

When you win, as you always do, you make the shape of an 'L' with your hand and your face takes on a devious expression that is entirely Goo Kim.

What is that they say about couples that spend time together eventually become more alike?

Heh.

Are those tears of sadness in Goo's eyes or tears of rage? Whatever. Cry more.

.

.

"What are you doing?" you sit up slightly to observe your boyfriend tucking you in.

"Just making sure you're comfortable, cupcake!"

Ok. What the fuck, this is suspicious as hell.

One second you're chilling in the bedroom with Goo humming elsewhere and now. He's here with a laser focus.

This cannot be good.

The suspicion grows as he plucks your phone out of your hand then wraps you tight.

Pinning both arms to your side, literally rolling you like a stiff cadaver. Until your view is upside down then righted then upside down then- Until you're in multiple blanketed layers and-

"Burrito time!" he cackles before flopping on you. A complete deadweight that knocks the air out of your lungs.

"Oof! GOO!"

That asshole just guffaws louder into your chest, hair tickling your chin.

You try and wriggle your way out, bucking him off, but find yourself completely trapped.

Ughhhh.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Your eyes take on a dangerous glint and-

You bite down hard on that bastard's head.

Right on the crown. Blonde locks between your teeth and yanking.

Goo Kim shrieks and now it's your turn to cackle.

[subarashiihibi]

Update I went Tuesday turns out I have a little bit of scoliosis wow.! 😘😘😘👏👏👏My therapist is rly cool I told her I have a heart condition and pots (I mentioned I’m undiagnosed tho cuz. I don’t like saying I “have” smth without proper diagnosis and I can’t go to Dallas and also waiting list) and she was rly mindful of those 🥹🥹 now I have stretches and exorcises to do but even these are putting me out of breath dawg I’m dying😩😩😩😩

after 2 years of putting it off i’m finally going back to physical therapy YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!

[trashc-anon]

hazbin hotel is polluting my mind so if I were the editor's intern: reco

• either stretch the season into 16 episodes or cut the plotlines in half;

• definitaly cut Alastor's screen time in half (if not more)

• make up your mind how much of the pilot is canon (especially regarding Lucifer)

• episode 1 is good as is, a soft reboot from the pilot without getting in too much detail and I love hating Adam, "Hell is Forever" is banger (i hope the music writers were properly paid and Disney learns why AI is a bad idea!)

• episode 2 is a problem, because Sir Pentious presence is only because of the V's, make that episode 2/2;

• ep 1/2 - Charlie and Vaggie leave the hotel to recruit; Sir Pentious attacks, all on schedule

• Charlie or Vaggie save some of the eggs from being crushed; when the "battle" is over, Pentious is cautiosly agrees to entertain their hospitalty; angel is untrusting;

• "Starts with Sorry"

• leave the Vs as unseen foes, and Alastor's only appearance is his shadow at the end of the episode (Overlords are mysterious unseen threat)

• episode 2/2 - Vs are anxious that Alastor is with the princess;

• see, the first couple of episodes make sense, but they take away from the girls and the hotel

• but "Stayed Gone" is sooo good! maybe use at a later date?

nevermind

• "Stayed Gone" is a fun song, BUT it doesn't make sense for Alastor, mysterious serial killer, to have childish rivalries; why didn't he kill Vox back when he rejected him and Vox got 'pissy'?

• either make Vox less pathetic or less there;

• soooo, episode 3/1 is would be trust exercises

• i actually liked Angel's plan with BDSM, he's not wrong and I wished he had the chance to be an adult that LIKES sex separate from the victim that uses overtsexuality as a defence mechanism

• each character could have their own moment to show what trust means to them; trust comes in different shades;

• between Angel and Maggie we see sexual intimacy and surviving extreme situations; Husk has issues with openess; Niffty with intrusive thoughts;

• IN FACT! actually stablish WHY Husk and Niffty are part of the exercises! they're not guests, Husk says as much, they are employees LOANED by Alastor; they're not there to earn redemption; *vague hand gesture in confusion*

• OKAY - Overlord meeting... ehhhhhh

• i still want to cut Alastor's screentime! whats the point of the meeting? screentime for the overlords, the dead angel (which we know, but main cast won't until episode 7) Carmila being responsible is important, we need to know who to ask for help, but ugh. I get its also, prelude that you need love to fight and win against angels, but its never stablished in canon, Carmila says it to Maggie to use as internal compass to keep her fighting beyond pain and fear; bloodlust is distracting, love is focused;

• my delight with Zestial being all dark and yummy need to take a hike for the sake of - what am i even doing any more?

• I can't help but think how much of these decision are also based on Voice Actor salaries; because Keith David (Husk) gotta be expensive and for a character that is literaly always presented he almost never talks; and just, ALL of them being expensive and ~ahahah better make fewer episodes if you want big names in your projects~

• ughhhh that's when you know a series has issues, when trying to fix you run into a thousand more problems;

• i would respect how much they put into 8 episodes, ONLY IF it's true they didn't know they would get season 2. Because in that case a bunch of these plot lines needed to be dropped, I don't care how fanfavorite the character is;

• the Vs serve no purpose what so ever, you can easily have Valentino as a lone villain (also less confusion about hells social rules about SA and abuse);

• Lucifer should've been the last big name to enter screen; work up to the trial with Heaven for S2E01 (why even a trial)

• just how PLOT heavy is this series that Viv needed Lilith's bomb to drop in season 1? which is a major inconsistancy for a series based on the theme of redemption, a CHARACTER heavy theme;

• as it is, i don't see how Sir Pentious being redeemed is a good thing, because he died before entering Heaven, so other souls need to die too and hope it's not forever? wouldn't that fuel Exterminators cause to kill in name of 'clensing'? (holy shit, the more I write the worse it gets)

• IS there an primordial EVIL to scare the angels so badly?

• omg I hope they won't try to bring actual GOD into the series; I know there is concept art floating around, but please, do not;

• Supernatural barely got away with it in Season 5 because it was a funny 'what if' and made it got bad in Season 10 (?) (no series should ever emulate Supernatural, its a warning I mean it, don't, not worth it, you don't have 10+ years of dead horse to beat)(the fans, me, stayed out of, idk, regretfull loyalty)

• my english is not good enough for this... KAY IM DONE NOW! BYEEEE

[cloudcountry]

Curious what do you think the octo trio smell like? And maybe like what colones would be similar to what they smell like

I'm totally not asking so I can buy what jade would smell like

fucking AZUL WOULD SMELL LIKE THE MOST EXPENSIVE COLOGNE EVER. except he knows how much to apply so its never overpowering. this might be just me being biased but he would smell soooo nice i love him. like you could just hug him and shut your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder and he would cradle the back of your head as you melt into him and ugHHHH down horrendous i am so sorry anyways

i'm convinced jade would smell like the earth after it rains. he smells like spring mornings with flowers in the air and dew on the grass. he smells like the sunrise and the crisp air of the mountains, he smells like a creek trickling across the rocky riverbed. he smells like birds chirping in the mornings and crickets singing in the evenings, like the chilly breeze you feel when you're out stargazing with him. he smells like the beauty of nature, resilient and gorgeous. if you find a scent like this let me know anon, i want it to.

i feel like most days floyd does not bother with colonge or anything fancy like azul, though sometimes he might try some. i'm thinking a dark, more rich smell if that makes sense? besides, it's not like anyone would get close enough to smell him anyways. but when you, his precious little shrimpy hugs him in the hallway and says "oh! you smell nice today!" you best believe floyd is wearing that scent every day (until he gets bored, of course, but then he'll just pick out a new one for you to like <3)