#like what if steve and tony met right after howard died

[persephonesfill]

steve meeting a young tony rotten with grief after december 16, 1991 and thinking "oh. he's like me."

[27dragons]

New Year Countdown: Dec 22

Of all 32 fics I've written for this countdown (31 days of December plus one for Jan 1, and they're all written!) this one gave me the most trouble. Possibly because I consider "Smaller Without You" to be my definitive Stony soulmate AU? Anyway, have a different Stony Soulmate AU!

Dec 22 - Stony - Soulmates AU - Tinsel

Steve brought his wrapped gifts into the common room to put them under the tree, only to find it surrounded on all sides with stepladders. “What the hell?”

The elevator opened to reveal Tony carrying a stack of boxes nearly higher than he could see over. “Steve! I thought you’d gone skating with the others!”

“No, I had some things I wanted to get done here,” Steve said. “What’s with the ladders?”

“Oh! Well.” Tony put the boxes down. He plucked one off the top and turned it to show Steve. It contained, according to the writing, two thousand strands of silver tinsel. “It was sort of a tradition. The tree would go up right after Thanksgiving, and it was lovely of course. But then on Christmas Eve, my mom would put the tinsel on. It took her half the day - she practically hung every strand individually.” He smiled nostalgically. “When I was older, I got to help, but when I was very little, she’d do it while Jarvis took me out for the day, and when we got back, it was a magical transformation. When they all said they were going to go out skating today, I thought...” He shrugged.

“No, I get it. That’s sweet,” Steve said. “But the ladders?”

“Oh, that’s just so I don’t have to keep moving one around. My other idea was to use the suit, so--”

Steve was laughing. “No, don’t get the suit. You’re ridiculous, Tony, you know that?”

Tony grinned and rocked on his heels. “It’s part of my charm.”

“It’s part of something, anyway,” Steve snarked, ignoring the way his neck grew warm. “Why don’t I help you out, and then you won’t need quite so many ladders?” He folded two of the ladders and set them aside, which gave him enough space to tuck his presents for the team up under the tree’s branches.

“If you insist,” Tony said, handing a box of tinsel to Steve. “I thought you had things to get done, though.”

Steve opened the box and ran his fingers over the shimmering silver strands. “My ma’s tradition was to wait until I was out and then put the presents under the tree. She always swore Santa had come while I was gone, even after I was old enough to know better.”

“Is that why you always wait until the last minute to bring yours out?” Tony asked. “Huh. And here I thought you were just procrastinating with your shopping.”

“You ought to know me better than that,” Steve chided, smiling. “It’s surprisingly hard to find a time when no one is here.”

“Trying to out-stealth the Wonder Twins won’t go very well for you,” Tony warned with a chuckle, “but don’t worry, I won’t out you.”

Steve watched Tony hanging tinsel for a moment so he could match the pattern of it, then went to work. “I’m sorry I never met your mom,” he said after a few minutes. “She sounds like a great lady.”

“She had her faults,” Tony said, “but who doesn’t? I was in awe of her.”

“Anyone who could keep up with Howard had to be awe-worthy,” Steve agreed. “What color were their soulmarks?”

Tony paused. “They weren’t soulmates,” he said. “She was pretty sure the boy who would’ve been hers had died when they were both in school together. Dad never said if he suspected he’d met his, but his wrist was blank his whole life.”

“Oh. Is that why you’re so...”

Tony finished placing a few strands and then raised an eyebrow at him. “So what?”

Steve fought a blush. “You just don’t seem to mind that you haven’t found yours, yet.”

“Well,” Tony said lightly, “if they aren’t as amazing as Pepper, I’m not sure I want to find them. What about yours? Your wrist is still blank, too, but I don’t see you out on the dating scene.”

Steve shook his head. “I’m pretty sure mine died in the war.”

Tony huffed a little. “Well, that brought down the mood. Sorry.”

“No, it’s all right,” Steve said. He picked up another several strands of tinsel and carefully draped them where the tree’s lights would make them dance. “I’ve made my peace with it.”

“But you’re not interested in dating someone if there’s no chance they’ll turn out to be the one who colors your mark?”

Steve lost the fight with the blush, that time. “I didn’t say that. It’s just...”

“Just?” Tony was awfully close, suddenly.

Steve licked his lips, and watched as Tony’s eyes flicked down to his mouth, then back up.

It wasn’t the right moment. But it was never going to be the right moment, was it? This moment was the one Steve had. He took a breath. “Tony?”

“Yeah?”

Steve leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against Tony’s mouth. “I don’t need a mark to know you’re the one for me.”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

The Truth About Love ~ 1

THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE MASTERLIST

Word Count: 1,660ish

Summary: Something tragic happens in the Stark family. You move into your new apartment.

“Come on, ma,” Steve chuckled. “We’re going to be late to Tony’s graduation.”

“Sweetheart, I’m sure that Tony will be late to his own graduation,” Sarah responded. “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t done this before. It’s his third degree.”

Steve laughed. “I guess you’re right.” He paused and looped his mother’s arm through his own. “Where is dad?”

“Howard is on his way. He may be tough on Tony, but he does care.”

“I know. I just wish I could convince Tony to believe that.”

“Tony’s too much like Howard for his own good.”

“You’re right. Let’s find our seats.”

~~~

Howard never showed up during the graduation, causing Sarah to worry since she wasn’t able to get a hold of him. Steve told his mother that he would help contact Howard once Tony had crossed the stage. As soon as Tony’s name was called, Steve and Sarah cheered loudly. For a brief moment, they forgot that Howard wasn’t there. Sarah and Steve met up with Tony once the graduation was over.

“I’m so proud of you, Tony,” Sarah said as she hugged her step-son. 

“Thank you, ma,” Tony said. He pulled away and look around. “Dad couldn’t make it I see.”

“He told me he would, honey. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, ma.” Tony kissed her forehead. “Just thank you for being here.”

“We would never miss it,” Steve responded. 

Sarah’s phone began buzzing. “Hello?” She said as she answered it. The boys watched as her face quickly fell. “We’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone.

“What is it ma?”

She looked at her sons with teary eyes. “Something’s happened to Howard.”

~~~

Tony and Steve were on either side of Sarah as they rushed into the hospital.

“I—I was called,” Sarah shakily told the nurse at the front desk. “I’m Sarah Stark. My husband Howard—“

“Mrs. Stark,” a low male’s voice called from the side. 

Tony, Steve, and Sarah turned to see two cops standing at the edge of the waiting room. The small family hurried over to the cops.

“What’s going on, officers?” Steve wonders, pulling his mother into his side. His heart was pounding and he could already sense Tony’s breathing pattern change for the worst.

“There’s been an accident,” the officer responded. The three of them tensed, Tony reached over to grip onto his step-mother. “Your husband was driving when a drunk driver hit the drivers side of the car. The drunk driver died on impact. Your husband was rushed here. He unfortunately didn’t make it.” 

Sarah gasped as she began to cry. Steve pulled his mother into his chest as her cries escalated. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep his own emotions at bay, as he cradled his mother’s head. Tony stood frozen, having closed his eyes, as he took in the information.

“We are so sorry,” the officer continued. “When you are ready, we will escort you down to the morgue to identify the body.”

Tony flinched at that sentence. It was an awful sentence. Almost just as bad as ‘he unfortunately didn’t make it’ or ‘we hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that she didn’t feel any pain’. That’s what the doctors has told Tony and his father after his mother, Maria, passed away from cancer. Tony would never forget that moment, just like this one would also be forever etched into his memory.

“Can we have a moment?” Steve asked, having to swallow down the growing emotion afterward.

“Of course,” the officer replied, them and their partner walking away.

Sarah pulled herself out of Steve’s arms and shuffled over to Tony. “Tony…” she croaked. “I’m so sorry.” She hugged her step-son, finally getting him to move to hug her back. 

~~~

Tony had to convince Steve to come into the morgue with Sarah and himself to identify the body. Steve had been reluctant to due to the fact he was only Howard’s step-son but Tony gave Steve one look and he knew he had to. Sarah took one of Tony’s hands and one of Steve’s as they went in. Tony clenched his eyes shut as they pulled away the sheet, he couldn’t bare to see his father that way. 

Sarah choked down a sob before saying, “it’s him.”

Steve guided what was left of his family out of the morgue. All three of them felt numb as they headed to their vehicles. Sarah got in the car first as Steve looked at Tony, worried.

“We can come get your car later,” Steve suggested. “You could ride with us home.”

Tony shook his head. “I need to think,” he replied, jumping into his convertible and starting it. “Don’t wait up.” 

The tires squealed as Tony raced away. Steve sighed as he got into the car to drive his mother home. He started the car as his mother rested a gentle hand on his arm.

“Tony just needs some time alone,” Sarah told him softly. “It’s been a long day.”

Steve simply nodded before driving away.

~~~

Many attended the funeral. Most of it was due to the fact that Howard was the CEO and founder of Stark Industries, the world’s number one tech company. Sarah, Steve, and Tony each spoke, then afterwards it was announced that Tony would become the CEO of Stark Industries.

It was the evening of the funeral, when Tony and Steve found themselves sitting at a bar, drinking.

“That son of a bitch never let me have a day,” Tony muttered. “Had to just die on my graduation day. Announced major changes to Stark Industries my other two graduations.”

“He did love you, Tony,” Steve tried. “He just struggled showing it.”

“He never had a problem showing you that.” 

“Tony…”

“I know, I know. Sorry.” He took a sip of his drink. “This is just a lot… I thought that I would have another ten, maybe even twenty, years before having to be CEO. I thought I would have time to party and live some life outside of all the degrees.”

“I’m sure that Pepper will appreciate you attending less parties,” Steve teased. “How is that going?”

“It’s good. I think that this new position is more exciting for her than it is for me.”

“I’m sure.”

“What about you? I know that you stopped your travels to come and see me graduate, again. Have any plans on leaving anytime soon?”

“As much as I have enjoyed traveling around the world and doing art, I think I need to stop and stay here. Ma needs me right now and I’ve been thinking about finally starting college.”

“You don’t have to stay here for Ma. I’ve got her.”

“I know. But she needs both of us.”

Tony nodded. “Hey,” he shoved Steve playfully with his shoulder, “maybe you’ll actually be able to find a girl.”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“What? Did have feelings for that fling you had in London? What was her name—“

“Peggy.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Right! Peggy.”

“No. She wanted to focus on her career and I was just getting started with my travels.”

“Good then you have a fresh slate. Maybe I will need to throw a party or two to get your out there.”

Steve shook his head with a smile. “I did miss you, Tony. I really did.”

“I missed you too.”

~~~

FOUR MONTHS LATER…

You took a deep breath as you pulled up to your new apartment complex. You stared at it as a mix of excitement and nerves raged in your stomach. This was the next chapter of your life, living with a roommate and going to college. When you finally got out of the car, you grabbed a few of your bags and headed into the complex. The elevator ride made your nerves worse. Your thoughts raced with worries about college, your apartment, and your roommate. You slowly exited the elevator and made your way to your apartment door. Taking another deep breath, you knocked on it. You heard strong footsteps before the door swung open revealing a clearly strong guy with shoulder length, brown hair.

“Oh, I… I thought this was my new apartment,” you quickly said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“You must be Y/N,” the guy smirked.

“Uh, yes…”

“Then this is your place,” he opened the door wider. “Natasha! Your new roomie is here!” He easily took the bags from you without a second thought. “Come in.” 

You nervously walked in. A fiery redhead rushed around the corner, exiting the hallway. Her smile grew at the sight of you.

“Hi, Y/N,” she greeted. “I’m Natasha, and this is my boyfriend, Bucky.”

“Nice to meet you both,” you responded with a smile.

“Is this everything you brought?”

“No, I have more down in my car.”

“Give Buck your keys and he’ll run down and grab everything.”

You looked at Bucky, not wanting to overstep. “Are you sure?”

“I’d be happy to help,” he responded, holding out his hand for your keys. You gave them to him. “I’ll be right back.” Then he left to grab the rest of your things.

“Don’t worry about him,” Natasha said. 

Your brows pinched in curiosity. “Huh?”

“In case you were worried, Bucky doesn’t live here with us. It will just be us two. Bucky lives across the hall with his own roommate.”

“Oh.” You nodded.

“Come one,” Natasha took your hand. “Let me show you around.”

~~~

Natasha showed you around your new place as Bucky grabbed the rest of your things. Bucky left for work soon after, so you and Natasha unpacked your things and got you settled into your new home. Once Natasha went to her room for the night, you fell back on your bed. Despite all the worries and unknowns, a smile grew across your face. You couldn’t help but think that this was the start of something wonderful. 

Notes: Please read this post linked here my dears!

next chapter >

TAGLIST IS CLOSED - Taglist Information

[choilaura]

Home

After the events of 'Infinity War', on a rainy night, 5 years later, Peter 'blips' back, and he lands up in a certain someone's lap. I was thinking of writing this as smut but i'm keeping it fluffy/angsty/comforty for now. Maybe I'll do an NSFW version

"I...I lost the kid.." Tony utterered those words at Steve, aka, 'Captain America', as the two met for the first time after that little space adventure, that ended terribly. The whole journey back, all Tony could see, was Peter Parker's expression as he pleaded with Tony, as he dissipated into dust right before Tony's eyes, Thanos, indeed, behind it all. Tony had been alone that whole trip back, grumpy with himself, his mind trying to figure out what COULD have been done, to prevent not just Peter vanishing, but everyone else. Right now though, Tony was unaware of the others that had also vanished, Peter's voice in his head.

"I don't wanna go..." "Mr Stark, I don't feel so good.." "Please...."

The words repeated in his mind, as did Peter's puppy dogged expression, and Tony knew it was going to haunt his nightmares.

The ride home felt like an age, and when Tony did get home, he made a pact with himself, to try to forget those events. The pact went well at first, but soon enough, those thoughts, those.. 'What if' those 'What if I could of...' thoughts intruded his mind, and for the next five years, Tony wondered what he could of done, what anyone in his position could have done, to prevent it from happening.

Nights were worse. The nightmares still haunted Tony, waking him constantly, bad dream after another. He slept alone these days, waking with such a start, that Tony would be breathing heavily, his mind and body riddled with anxiety. Thanos, god damn it, was in his head, and so were those words of all around him, of Dr Stephen Strange, influencing his decision, his thoughts. He should of....protected Peter, and Tony now sat up in bed, the glow of his chest glimmering in the early hours of the morning, fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose, eyes closed as he tried to think, recalling those missed moments where he should of done more, should of said three tiny letters. 'Y.E.S'

"Sorry, i'm confused as to the relationship here, what is he, your ward?" Stephen Strange asked. Tony looked at Strange, then to Peter, their gazes both meeting all but for a moment, before the memory soon faded from mind's eye.

"And if you died....I'd feel like that's on me.." Tony recalled hearing himself say that, right when it should of mattered most, back in New york, when Peter...made a mess of things.

'Urgh, Tony! you should of said yes!' Tony could of almost guaranteed protecting Peter, but obviously, nothing was for keeps in this world. If anything, Tony was the one that had messed up. Big Style.

He had all of that on his conscience for a very long time, managing to hide it all within his Iron suit, his heart putting up an Iron wall, keeping those memories and feelings locked away.

It would be 'business as usual' and boy, things had changed. Life, had changed, and no matter how many times Tony had been in the kitchen, cooking, making dinner, or even just grabbing a late night snack, he never laid eyes on that picture that sat on one of the shelves above the worktops, that were mounted to the wall. It was a picture that'd been gathering dust, nudged away, behind a framed picture of his father, Howard Stark, when he noticed it for the first time in a while. A brow arched, and Tony reached for it, giving it a wipe. His dark eyes stared at it, looking at himself and Peter, their faces goofing out as Tony had presented him with a 'Stark industries' certificate, Peter's face elated with a grin, Tony's own face cooly smug. Tony looked at it a while longer, discarding it to one side, face down, as though he was afraid the pairs eyes looked at him in shame in the photo, riddling him with guilt.

So Tony laid in bed that night, trying helplessly to sleep. Those worries, those anxieties, those...intrusive thoughts came back to him, as they did night after night, and Tony could feel a possible adrenaline rush course through his veins, sweeping over him like a black cloud.

"None of this would of happened, if you'd just listened to me!" Peter's voice was in his mind's eye again, and Tony squeezed his eyes shut, covering his ears with his hands as he felt that surge of adrenaline rip through him, ready to rip out his heart. Good - it may as well of ripped out his feelings at the same time. It'd be a relief. Tony felt his heart race, his skin shivering with a cold sweat, and something felt different, then. He felt...strangely...heavier. Like something was weighing him down on his hips and quads, and Tony didn't want to open his eyes or uncover his ears.

Everything had gone suddenly quiet, and Tony didn't dare move a muscle. His mind had quietened.

"M-Mr Stark..?" A voice sounded above him, breaking the humidity of the night air, and it was only then Tony would recover his senses. He uncovered his ears, hearing another breathing on top of him, and Tony opened his dark hues then, resting on Peter's athletically lean form, straddling his hips, hands on Tony's chest, looking at him quizzically with those soft brown hues in the dim light.

"Are you alright...Mr Stark?" Peter asked, like it was the most casual thing in the world, to be straddling your mentor's hips and waist. He was somehow shirtless..

"Shit....Kid...y-you're..back...?!" Tony was in dis-belief. He hoped this wasnt some sick dream to further taunt him emotionally. He had bottled all this up, it wasn't going to go away so easily. Tony couldn't believe it. He'd heard recently of people 'blipping back' but this was just...out of this world! Screw it, if this was some cruel dream, tony was going to milk it for all it was worth. "I'm fine now, sweetheart.." Tony took Peter's hand, and laid it on the glow that resided in his chest, to which Peter smiled, and Tony pulled Peter in by his front, to kiss him deeply, and Peter was all too happily returning that kiss. "I'm not losing you again kid..." Tony said breathlessly, positioning himself so he was now somewhat leaning against the headboard. "You're safe....you're home.."

[ominousbabiegurlie]

I just rediscovered Hydra! Captain America

and Discovered.. wait for it... Hydra!Tony Stark

okay?? now hear me out

please.

HYDRA! STUCKONY

*que fangirl squeal*

!!tho this prompt is strictly NOT for everyone!!

imagine.

Steve's mum is a Hydra official higher-up and raised him well but ofc with the Influence of Hydra. and yes. he's still good but the type to kill.

what do I mean? well, it's my type of a Dark storyline, where someone WILL actually kill someone when they did something like, kill, rape, lie, or anythin like that. but sweet on people that deserves it

that bein' Bucky, who was assigned to be his bodyguard and turned best friend, his mum, and yea

Yes, Steve was still chosen by Erskine because despite everything, he's still a good person

even though it seems like it, Steve doesn't trust easily so don't worry.

when Steve got frozen, what happened was that the whole plane was malfunctioning, Red Skull died accidentally or something idc

they saved Bucky for the sake of the Captain

so don't worry about people getting suspicious, this info about Cap is very very secret

yea, Captain HYDRA :DD

now we know about Steve and Bucky. time for our favorite, Tony Stark

Howard was obsessed with Captain America and gave Tony a really tough time

he even attempted to replicate the Super Solider Serum, but it didn't do anything (or did it?)

Tony got sick of it and just fukin snapped

he went to organize his parent's murders so well that no one ever suspected him

turns out his father's serum actually DID something but it was so small that it was undetectable. it jus increased his balance, his reaction time, made him slightly stronger and think even faster.

so after they died he decided to make a lil project to.. make a serum of sort... that'll improve him even more

he succeeded.

he might as well be a super soldier himself

he was approached by a Hydra official and they practically invited him in open arms. he told them he could make Extremis (what he called them) but it would not be like his, his was made with he influence of his Father's serum which is lost

either way, Tony Stark was an amazing recruit and helped make a LOT of useful soldiers that had gone through extensive tests for their loyalty

that when he was turned to one of Hydra's most important people

he was one of the only people that knows the truth about The Captain as well as The Winter Soldier.

he also found his best friend Rhodey there, in which he was his assistant of the sorts

don't worry, he gets along with Bucky too

this all started when he was just 16 almost 17. yes he was still kidnapped by Ten Rings and thats when he also tricked the public. just like Captain America

he just didn't suffer much with the reactor an everything, he also recruited Pepper who was AMAZING with the public and laws which was awesome

Natasha as well as SHIELD has the wrong sets of information, like, Bucky only acts as if he's been brainwashed and y'know, stuff like that

everything in the movies is what they think happened/happening

they covered it really REALLY well

Tony IS an assassin, he's known as The Mechanic. someone who make sure that their mission is an absolute success and works frighteningly well with The Winter Soldier

so yea, Hydra Tony Stark!

now for my favorite,✨✨

when captain saw Tony Stark he was enamoured with the guy. then he met the guy then he was halfway in love with him

he was just so passionate, and smart, and sweet, and attractive and he didn't really treat him any different than he treats everybody which was a relief to him- (reminds him of his Bucky)

he wanted to make a move or something but he just seems so determined to do what's right

it's like forbidden love.

that's why he acted so hostile to the man but even then, he couldn't deny his attraction to the man.

after the whole.. avengers with Loki and stuff, Tony wanted him to join with his ride somewhere. he went of course because, why not?

he started getting squirmy when he saw they were in a secluded place but other than that the place seemed relatively nice and homey

he went in then he saw someone sitting in the chair..? who?.... BUCKY?

that's when Cap found out about Tony :))

I loved this idea and I want a story from itt I mIGHT make a one-shot from this

but who knows

-!!ART NOT MINE!!-

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - May 2

I know I say every week that I read a lot this week but I have been indulging in my favorite coping technique and so this list is ridiculously long. Twitter encouraged me. Blame them. 

**Indicates my recent favs 

~*~ 

On the inherent homoeroticism of cake decoration by welcoming_disaster (616/8K)

“She’s matchmaking, Barton,” Carol sighed.

“We,” Thor corrected, thumping himself hard in the chest, “art matchmaking.”

“Who, Cap n’ Tony?” Clint asked, his mouth full.

“Cap and Tony,” Janet confirmed, cutting herself a thin slice of egg and gently depositing it on her whole grain avocado toast, “it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Wait, I thought they were—“ Clint frowned, glancing around the room as though to confirm. Nothing but confused faces met his questioning gaze. “Huh. I really thought they were fucking.”

“And there is the crux of the issue,” Jess licked a bit of spaghetti sauce off her lip.

“Aye,” agreed Thor, “there’s rub.”

-----------

The team tries to set up Steve and Tony. Things don't go as planned.

Baby lovers like you and me (never say die) by FestiveFerret (Old Guard AU/7.5K)

The Avengers. They'd found him frozen in the ice, told him he was immortal, of all things. And with the way he'd lived through seventy years deep in the Atlantic, he found himself inclined to believe them. They'd also been very… convincing.

Without question, they integrated him into their unit - The Avengers, a secret team of unkillables seeking wrongs around the world and making them right, supported and housed by an enigmatic billionaire named Tony Stark. Their immortality, it seemed, was a secret to everyone but him.

Ready, set, bake by ChocolateCapCookie (Great British Bake Off/11k) 

The Avengers are on a nationally televised baking competition, but nobody seems to have warned the producers that the Avengers, while they save the world everyday and put their loves at risk doing so, are a) insanely competitive, and b) absolutely terrible bakers. Steve Rogers, especially, has a competitive streak a mile wide, and he's determined to win this competition, but it's not easy when his only real opponent is also the man he's been in love with for years.

***To make flowers grow (in this barren heart) by SoldiersShield, KakushiMiko (Hanahaki AU/16K) 

“You hide yourself away in your technology, but you are just as human as the rest of them. Your heart betrays your desire to possess.” Her gaze falls to the arc reactor, and Tony's blood runs cold in his veins.

“The Earth will reclaim what we have lost,” she says, dragging a hand over the chestplate of the armor. “It is you, and your kind-- your greed that pulls life from the soil as if it were nothing. You will reap what you have sown, Stark. The avarice in your heart will strangle the very life out of you.” Arna meets his eyes once more, a serene smile on her face as she leans forward.

“I hope he is worth dying for,” she murmurs, before digging her hand into his ribcage.

(Tony Stark falls in love with Steve Rogers. A rogue enchantress ensures he pays for it.)

Shelter from the storm by silkspectred (KidFic/5k) 

Tony adopts a baby. Guess who's Majorly Fucked Up™ about it.

Keep on beating by itsallAvengers (Domestic Fluff/6K) 

There were an awful lot of things Steve loved about Tony. But one thing in particular Steve could never get enough of was his heartbeat.

The good or bad thing by petreparkour (Multiverse/10k) 

 “It’s the metal suit,” Thor informed Steve, his normally-booming voice tinny over the SHIELD comms. “What did Stark call it—Iron Man?”

“But he’s down here,” Steve protested as the Hulk roared in Stark’s face, startling him into waking with a shout. “How could—”

“It’s damaged,” Thor reported. “But it looks different. More advanced. And he—ah. He’s carrying you, Captain.”

“Please tell me nobody kissed me,” Stark breathed out, and then Stark’s voice suddenly came over the comms, but the man lying next to him hadn’t moved.

“Guys, come on, you’re killing me here. What is it, 2012? God, I hate time travel. First, I'm fighting Thanos. Now, I have to deal with my past self and Thor's bad haircut? Oh my God, Cap, yes I hacked their comms, they’re my comms.”

Steve nearly opened his mouth to protest that he hadn’t said anything when he realized that this replica of Tony Stark wasn’t speaking to him.

***The tipping point by nightwalker (Domestic Fluff/7K) 

Tony has a few quirks. Steve's still trying to figure them all out.

We two, how long we were fool’d by glassessay (Soulmate AU/9K) 

Steve Rogers comes into the world as unblemished as his mother. When Anthony Stark is born, his soulmark is an obvious pattern of ink across his tiny chest.

It only takes a century, two names, and a shared love of Walt Whitman for them to find each other.

The tape in the cave by betheflame (Canon Divergent/5K) 

Steve had no idea what was happening.

“You think I didn’t know that?”

Tony was staring Zemo down as though the Sokovian was actual vermin - which, Steve reflected, he kind of was.

“You think that I,” Tony continued, not hiding the sneer in his voice, “Anthony Stark, who has more powerful technology in my literal fingers than most nations have, that I wouldn’t know everything possible about how my parents died? That I wouldn’t know it wasn’t an accident, that your silly little HYDRA Nazi knock-off pals are the ones who murdered them? Please, you are pathetic.”

Happy ending by Robin_tCJ (No-Powers AU/28K) 

 Steve is a mobile massage therapist, and Tony is a stressed billionaire. What could go wrong?

With a decent happiness by torigates (Teacher AU/16K) 

Tony Stark is Iron Man. Steve Rogers isn't, and never was Captain America.

Or, the one where everything is the same except Steve is a kindergarten teacher.

Nothing left but scars by SailorChibi (MCU/6.7K) - Reread

Steve wakes up to the fact that no one ever compliments or even says thank you to Tony, and that he has fallen into the same trap of painting Tony with a specific paintbrush.

This is how he showers a very confused Tony with praise to make up for it.

Our hearts should remember and follow by frostfall (MCU/5K) 

Steve hums. “I didn’t know you could play. Or sing. Don’t think I’ve heard anyone mention it before.”

Tony shrugs. “It’s one of the few things, skills, I don’t flaunt. Not something people are interested in, anyway. Not gonna sway any board members by playing fucking Für Elise for them. Sides’, there’s a high chance I wouldn’t even play. Well, maybe if you get me drunk enough and near an instrument. Then, I might reconsider.”

(After a dream leaves Tony rattled, he turns to the piano as a way to distract himself.)

Finally, you and me by pensversusswords (Multiverse/10K) 

Because in every layer of time, in every conceivable dimension, he was always meant to love Steve.

By some miracle, Steve was meant to love him back.

***Full disclosure not required (but appreciated) by Potrix (Identity Porn/16k) 

The one where Steve knows more than he lets on, Tony knows less than he pretends, Clint has a big mouth, Bucky is a little shit, and everyone learns why keeping secrets never ends well.

Almost never, anyway.

Heartlines by nanasekei (MCU/7.9K) 

“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.”

i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt (marriage series) by quidhitch (Marriage Series/16k) 

Tony Stark doesn’t believe in marriage. It’s nobody’s fault. —Well, it’s Howard's fault, probably, but Tony doesn’t like to think about that for too long, finds that it dredges up all sorts of issues he’d rather keep buried under a mountain of strategically employed sarcasm, humorous self-deprecation, and the occasionally effective substance abuse.

***Hide your love away by sineala (Soulmate/33K) - Reread

Tony has suspected for a long time that the soulmark on his chest matches Steve's -- but he's never told Steve about it. And then it's too late to tell Steve anything at all ever again. In the wake of Steve's death, the Skrull invasion, and Norman Osborn's rise to power, the identity of his soulmate is just one of the many things Tony cuts out of his memory forever.

When Tony returns to consciousness, he's forced to deal with the aftermath of a war he no longer remembers fighting, not to mention a Steve Rogers who can barely stand to be in the same room with him. Surely the last thing Tony could ever need in his life is more amnesia. But that's what he gets. And Tony's new missing memory just might be the key to finding out the truth of his soulmark... as well as his chance to make things right once and for all.

Break the chain (can’t live in circles again) by orphan_account (FWB/19K) 

There had been seven amazing weeks of dating Steve Rogers before Tony realised that they weren’t dating at all. And then it was a scramble to adjust to the situation as it had always been: being Steve’s friend-with-benefits.

And if Steve seemed a little confused and bewildered by the way Tony was acting, well. Tony was probably just misreading that, too.

Five times steve and tony (tried to) bail each other out of jail by Teyke (MCU/6k) 

Twice before Civil War, twice after, and once during. For very loose definitions of both 'bail' and 'jail'.

Cracked hearts under iron ribs by XtaticPearl (Established Relationship/14k)

Rhodey is away for almost six months now and comes to meet Tony after the mission. He doesn't understand the domesticity of the whole Tower and unknowingly sets off a whole truck of insecurities which make Tony crawl back into being a Stark instead of just Tony. The team is not at all happy and Rhodey joins them in trying to figure out a way to help their resident genius feel better in his skin.

The single biggest problem with communication by BlossomsintheMist (616/108K)

In the wake of Steve's return from the dead and the end of Norman Osborn's reign of terror, the superhero community is recovering--Steve has taken on a new role and Tony is trying to put his life back together. Things are still awkward between them, but they're determined to put things to rights. But when a discussion about their feelings leads to further misunderstandings, they discover that might be more difficult than either of them realized. Set in the early Heroic Age after the end of Dark Reign, this is a get-together story about crossed wires--and second chances.

What are friends for? by bobertsmallismydad (MCU /2.8K) 

In which Steve is targeted by a virus. Will the Avengers be able to save him in time?

Starving by festiveferret (Vampire AU/2K) 

Steve woke up starving.

***Everybody wonders (What it would be like to love you) by SoldiersShield (MCU/3K) 

“...Is that what this is about?” He asks slowly. Steve blanches.

“Oh my god. It is.” Tony has no right looking as giddy as he does. “Steven Grant Rogers, are you jealous?”

--

Or: Steve and Tony have been dancing around each other for a while now, and Steve's rather content with it. Attending a gala together just might change that.

Re(A)d all over by brandnewfashion, MusicalLuna (Drunk Flirting/3k) 

Contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark can blush.

It just takes Steve getting drunk on some magical Asgardian mead for it to finally happen.

***The Do-over Proposal by nightwalker (Established Relationship/1.2k) 

Steve wants to go on a journey, Tony doesn't think it's a good time, and Bucky needs to beat some sense into both these idiots.

A Winter’s Ball by alliejowrites (Victorian AU/3.8K) 

Steve moves to London in search of a patron, so that he can finally devote himself to painting. He is not expecting everything he finds upon meeting Lord Stark. A fluffy little Victorian AU. One-shot.

What’s a fanfic by starksnack (AvAc/1K) 

Kamala introduces Tony and Steve to the world of fanfiction. There is a surprising amount of content about them being gay.

[histrionic-dragon]

Project Snowfall, continued

Tumblr won’t let me reblog my own posts from my blog now, apparently? Vexing. Anyway, this is more casual playing with the AU where Tony is Bucky’s biological son--Hydra tried making a child with supersoldier serum but Howard found and adopted the apparently-abandoned baby--as outlined here: https://histrionic-dragon.tumblr.com/post/653462779595014144/a-little-unusual-an-mcu-au-ideapartial-fic

ONE POSSIBLE VERSION OF THE BUNKER SCENE:

[Zemo plays the video....]

The Winter Soldier looked up then, it seemed directly at them. Blank, efficient, he shot the security camera, and the screen went dark. Silence fell in the bunker.

And Tony started laughing, a black, desperate laugh but not entirely mirthless.

The microphone caught Zemo saying “What?” distantly.

“Oh, you don’t know,” Tony said. “Of course you don’t. You don’t know.” Another helpless chuckle. “‘Obi-Wan never told you about your father, did he?’“

“Um,” Bucky said, quietly.

“You killed him,” Tony said, pointing at him, still shaking with something, face twisted in pained amusement. “And no, Darth, you are my father. Oh, you know, I thought this couldn’t get weirder but boy, was I wrong.” 

The helpless, resigned look on Bucky’s face was rapidly giving way to confusion. “What?” 

“Tony,” Steve began.

“Nope,” Tony said. “Nope. I’m gonna-- You--”  He made a shoving gesture from Steve to Bucky. “You explain, and I’m gonna--”  He raised his right hand and blasted out the window in the little booth where Zemo had been hiding. “I’m gonna deal with this, okay, and we’ll talk later, before this turns into some Shakespeare, no,  Greek tragedy, everyone-is-related-and-everyone-dies bullshit thing.”

SOME CONVERSATION MUCH AFTER THE BUNKER, WHEN ZEMO’S BEEN CAPTURED AND BUCKY’S BEEN FILLED IN:

“I don’t know what to say,” Bucky said finally. “It’s hard to believe I have a kid, let alone one older than me.”

“Yeah,” Tony said. He hadn’t thought of it that way before. “I mean. This doesn’t have to be a thing. More of a thing. You’re not my dad. I mean”--Bucky’s face crumpled in pain and guilt--“Yeah, complicated, moving on. You didn’t raise me; I am disturbingly sure I exist, was made, whatever, without your knowledge or consent, which is its own basket of horrifying and maybe makes you hate me--”

“I don’t,” he interrupted quietly. When Tony raised his eyebrows, he shrugged and said, “Looks like you turned out alright.”

“Yeah, I had a few horrifying what-if moments thinking about Hydra-me too,” Tony said. “Good thing Dad was in the labs. And arrogant enough to just adopt random lab-babies, I guess. Anyway, so, cool, my existence per se isn’t offensive, or disgusting, that’s a good foundation. But we just met, and you’re right, I probably am older than you, and I just do not see this dynami going very parental. So.” He took a breath.

“Hi. I’m Tony Stark, Iron Man, inventor, genius, billionaire, philanthropist, constantly arguing with Steve Rogers, totally incidentally carrying some of your DNA.” He stuck out a hand.

After a moment, Bucky shook it.

“Bucky Barnes. Recently un-brainwashed, still probably officially dead, and a friend of Steve’s. I completely understand arguing with him.”

ANOTHER VERSION OF THAT CONVERSATION, OR BEFORE IT:

 “Okay, someone say something.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said softly, and now he was looking right at Tony, and no, nope, nuh-uh.

“Not that,” he said. “Anything but that, can’t do that conversation right now, kind of doubt you’re up for it either.”

[vagrantblvrd]

Thinking about RDJ squirreling food away on sets while filming MCU movies and that AU where Howard tested a the super soldier serum on Tony in secret.

Because Reasons.

Reasons like suspicions about HYDRA infiltrating SHIELD and bad parenting instincts and paranoia because, okay. HYDRA has to know what he’s been working on and they’ll be after it, and it’s like. He knows his sins, but he’s got a wife and a kid and maybe he’s been drinking and and anyway.

He’s protecting his kid by doing this and the paving on the road to hell he’s been on since Steve put that damn plane in the ice is all fucked.

(If he’s honest with himself, it was before he met the man who’d become Captain America, you know? Knowing Steve just made it easier to see in hindsight and all that.)

So Howard gives Tony the serum and watches the hell out of him in the aftermath, but before he can determine if it’s had any effect on Tony (small mercy in it didn’t kill Tony, but he deliberately didn’t think about that the night he injected Tony with the serum because of he couldn’t, wouldn’t let himself think it) the Winter Soldier takes care of him.

And Tony, okay.

The aftermath of his parents’ death is a clusterfuck and he doesn’t think anything about surviving it.

(Rhodey does, and so do Jarvis and Ana and Aunt Peggy because Tony damn near - should have, with how hard he tried - drunk himself to death but he survived all that and went on to do better/worse things before he leveled off somewhere down the road. Still reckless, but that hard edge was blunted and anyway, he lived, right? Small miracles and all.)

Tony doesn’t really notice anything’s odd right away, okay. Maybe it’s a late growth spurt - he’s still short, but he gets a few inches he wasn’t expecting so the jokes aren’t as bad.

Also?

He’s hungry all the fucking time.

Metabolism thing, probably, weird trick of genetics or whatever, so he takes to keeping stashes of snacks all over the place whenever he gets hungry.

(Keeps people from nagging him about eating and whatnot when he’s down in the workshop or whatever because look! He’s eating! Not just the shakes DUM-E makes him and so on.)

He’s strong, right? But that comes from the kind of work that involves hauling metal and what the hell else around all the time, and if he’s extra clumsy for a while after he comes out of that nightmare time after The Accident, well. That’s probably not unusual too, right?

(The thing with his senses being a little sharper, clearer? He was out of for a while, probably forgot how good they were before.)

He just.

He’s so busy with the company and whatever else that he doesn’t stop to dwell on the changes, always has some handy excuse and anyway, it just never occurs to him, right?

But then the thing with the JERICHO missiles and Afghanistan and it’s a goddamn miracle he survived the surgery that resulted in him having a nightlight in his chest, right?

Afterwards, all anyone can talk about it how Tony built the first Iron Man suit from a box of scraps in a cave, but no one bothers to ask how he lived long enough to do that. Maybe he doesn’t make it public, the bit about the shrapnel in his heart and Yinsen saving his life and all that? But yeah, no. By all rights he should have died there.

From there it’s all the superhero antics that should have killed him and just...doesn’t.

The initial tests on the Iron Man armor and the fight with Stane and so on.

Palladium poisoning.

Vanko.

The shitshow of the Avengers coming together to thwart an alien invasion.

The Avengers themselves, because Steve insists Tony learn to defend himself out of the suit and no one’s trying to hurt him, but he gets knocked around a bit in sparring.

Tony’s smart mouth and a limit to the others’ patience and they’re all sharp edges in the beginning, and he gets knocked around. Nothing worse than a bruise or two, a sprain that time he lands badly but he heals fast.

(Funny thing, though, he can’t remember if that was always true, and surely that would have slowed down as he got older? But not so you’d notice and also,also, he doesn’t look - or feel - as old as he knows he is. Especially with how hard he gets hit in the suit, big shiny metal target that he is and all.)

And so on and so on, and after a point the others start to notice?

Like.

Natasha and Clint because they’re the other squishy humans on the team and Tony makes them better body armor and such but they still get hurt.

And then there’s Tony, out there getting thrown through buildings and walls and slammed into the ground. Taking hits that would have killed anyone else and he just plops down on the couch with an ice pack and a tablet grumbling about repairs he has to make to the suit.

Maybe a glorious black eye and cut on his face or something else to indicate that he gets knocked around in the suit, but even those signs are gone in a day or two.

And it’s like.

This gradual realization that something isn’t quite normal about Tony?

(Because the sparring thing again, you know? The way Tony can’t keep up with Steve - squishy human and all - but he does better than people might think for being a squishy human. Enough to hold his own long outside of the suit to satisfy Steve and the others.)

Bruce is like huh, because yeah, now that they mention it he sees it too? And the three of them are like.

Junior detectiving the shit out of the mystery of Tony Stark And The Shit That Should Have Killed Him (But Didn’t) while Tony is like, doing his best not to ask because he’s pretty sure he’s better off not knowing?

(They think about getting Steve in on it, but Steve would totally tell Tony and ruin their little junior detective club and anyway, killjoy, so.)

Shenanigans such as occasional abductions and missions that go wrong and Tony ending up in medical but he always - always - stirs up shit until they’re lad to let him sign himself out as soon as he can.

He limps around the tower after that, sore and hurting and relieved to be back home and anyway, Steve, stop with the puppy dog eyes, Tony will be fine in a day or two.

(And he is, every damn time, no matter how hurt he was.)

And then!

There’s a Thing with Steve and Natasha (and new friend Sam)  discovering HYDRA’s infiltration of SHIELD and the whole identity of the Winter Soldier and it’s a mess, okay, a damn mess.

Only Steve goes to Tony the moment he can about the truth in Howard and Maria’s deaths and that -

Another mess, but Tony has people now, right?

(He had people before, too, a precious few, but it was different then and he knows they tried, but this is different. Hurts in the same way, but he’s older now, not so much wiser as...something, and it makes a difference.)

And anyway, anyway.

Barnes comes to them, walks himself right up to the tower - or, really, a back loading bay, but JARVIS is watching and JARVIS sees him and it’s better if no one else who shouldn’t does, so.

Barnes shows up and they get him the help he needs and he reclaims the parts of him HYDRA ripped away, pieces them together in a way that fits, works.

And then!

“So what’s up with Stark?”

Because Bucky, okay, Bucky.

Outside perspective and better able to see that Tony is kind of super not normal?

Sees the way he gets tossed around on missions and comes back with a couple of aches and pains, a new bruise or whatever, and it’s the suit. Of course it is, but he’s still inside the damn thing, and walks off whatever injuries he picks up a hell of a lot faster than he should.

(Natasha and Clint take longer to heal, and they’re younger than Tony. In peak shape nearly all their lives and so on.)

Other things like that, and it’s like.

Natasha, Clint, and Bruce haven’t really put in serious effort to figure out what the hell is up with Tony for a while now. Just put it down to Tony being Tony and no little luck.

But with Bucky pointing out the obvious, even Steve takes notice.

Tony is like “Good genes” and other excuses, but after a while even he can’t ignore the obvious.

So tests and whatnot and “Goddammit” because of course something’s off and there’s a whole Thing when they realize what happened - and it’s like.

Tony’s version of the serum isn’t the same as Steve’s, isn’t even what Bucky got.

Weaker, maybe, flawed.

Something.

Just enough to make him less breakable, more durable.

Able to survive the shit he has, will, and it’s like.

More reasons to curse Howard’s name, and the man he became (or always was?) if he could experiment on his own kid like that.

But he’s still alive, survived everything life’s thrown at him with more in store, and he’s got a good thing going right now.

A family of outcasts and misfits the world call heroes joining Rhodey and Pepper and Happy, and if Howard hadn’t given him that bastardized version of the serum he wouldn’t have that, so.

(Besides, can’t change things now, just have to live with them, and it’s like. What else can he do?)

So, yeah.

Of course, though, this means that Steve and Bucky - and Natasha and Clint and everyone else who loves tossing Tony around in the name of sparring and such - stop taking it so easy on him.

Which.

On one hand, flattering? But the other, ow, because they know he can do better and it shows in those first few days before they discover where his new limits are.

(Bruises and such and he could totally guilt Steve and the other if he wasn’t just as curious himself as what his limits are, so yes.)

Anyway, anyway, yes.

Tony with a version of the serum who has no clue about it for years, like the guy who doesn’t know he’s a vampire for the longest time because reasons???

(Gen or Steve/Tony or even Bucky/Tony - or because reasons Steve/Bucky/Tony???)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[marvelstarwarsetc]

I’ll Be Seeing You - B. Barnes

Summary: In which the reader was in WW2 with Steve and Bucky, and she and Steve realize that Bucky is still alive during the fight on the bridge. 

Warnings: Fight scenes, Angst.

A/N: I am absolutely terrible at summaries but this has been floating around in my head for so long and I finally finished writing it. I set it up so that there could be a Part 2 if people like it enough and want me to write one. I could definitely turn this into a series if I was motivated enough to do so lol.

A ghost. That’s how Natasha had described him at the hospital, with a look of fear in her eyes that was rarely ever present on the former assassin.

Ghost was certainly a perfect way to describe him. He came out of nowhere, striking hard and fast, aiming to kill. 

His face was completely concealed under a mask and a pair of black goggles, dark hair hanging loosely around his face. He wore a black tactical suit, the left sleeve missing in order to showcase a metal arm with a red star painted amongst the silver plates. 

It was clear he had some form of the super soldier serum running through his veins, his strength and agility close to if not beating that of mine and Steve’s. He was a skilled fighter, each of his fluid movements calculated and thoroughly thought through. Each blow Steve and I dealt was dodged expertly, the assassin known as The Winter Soldier never missing a beat. Had it not been for the fact he was trying to kill us I would almost be in awe of the way he moved.

As my back collided with yet another parked car I sighed, taking the brief moment Steve had allowed me when he started another assault on the soldier to refill my lungs with the air that was just knocked out of me. Then I was back in it, striking the soldier from behind, in time with Steve’s blows at the front.

But the soldier was good, he was fast, and not nearly enough of my hits were actually landing. If they were ever landing at all. 

It was when he turned to face me that I finally got the upper hand, using the momentum from his turn against him, I slammed my fist into the side of his head. The force was enough to send him stumbling back a few steps, and it caused his goggles to drop to the ground. His eyes met mine with a murderous glare and I felt my body still completely, my own eyes widening in both horror and recognition.  

I knew those eyes. A stormy mixture of blues and greys, colder than I had last seen them. But I knew them. I knew those eyes a lifetime ago, stared into them more times than I could count. Watched various emotions pass through them the longer I knew the person those eyes belonged to. They held little to no emotion now, just pure anger. A pain resting so deeply in his stare that you’d miss it if you didn’t know the person those eyes belonged to. But I did. I knew those eyes, and they held no recognition as they regarded my own covered face. 

I wore the mask to help keep my private life private. To separate the Avenger from the person. It was bad enough when someone recognized me from the exhibit at the Smithsonian and had more questions than I had answers. The tech Tony had installed in the mask was also an added bonus, the assistance of Jarvis more than welcome in a fight. But right now, the mask felt like a mistake. 

It felt like a barrier between me and the man who fell from that train all those years ago.  

He had been dead for about 70 years. Him standing here in front of me was nearly impossible. But then again, Steve and I were both meant to be dead ourselves, and we both were standing here fighting with him now. He regarded me curiously, no doubt wondering why I had stopped fighting back, those familiar eyes taking in my relaxed stance and my arms hanging limply by my sides. He threw another punch and I could hear Jarvis’ voice in my ear reminding me that the fight wasn’t over yet and offering assistance if I needed it. I could hear Steve yelling in the background, voicing his concerns on why I was no longer fighting back. Steve was begging me to continue fighting back. But Steve hadn’t seen his eyes yet. He didn’t know.

The hits kept coming and as hard as Steve tried to fight him off of me, as loud as Steve’s shouts got for me to fight back. I couldn’t. The memories of eyes filled with hope and longing paralyzing me as my body hit the ground. 

I was running late, as usual. The briefing with Captain Rogers and the rest of the Howling Commandos once again running later than expected. We were meant to be going over the schematics of our mission for the next day, but everyone kept getting distracted by the news of the band the army was bringing in for tonight. An effort to raise the troops’ spirits. It was what everyone on the base was discussing, each of the soldiers trying to find a date for the night’s festivities. Peggy and I had already turned down several invitations from various desperate soldiers.

 Every time Steve tried to bring the attention back to the mission, Dum Dum would bring up whether or not Steve planned on asking Peggy to be his date for tonight, and all of the guys would tease the captain as he blushed helplessly. 

It was inevitable that he would ask her, that much was clear. But the guys just loved to ruffle our captain’s feathers, which would have been fine if I wasn’t meant to meet with Peggy and Howard an hour ago about about some new weapons for the mission tomorrow.

Seemingly noticing the annoyance on my face Steve’s turned to a look of recognition and he apologized for keeping me from my meeting with Peg and Stark, and dismissed me from the briefing. 

I was about halfway to my destination when a familiar voice called out after me, stopping me in my tracks and causing me to roll my eyes in mock annoyance at the pet name he refused to stop using.

“Hey, Doll! Wait up!” Turning, I watched as Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes jogged towards me with a leather bound book gripped tightly in his left hand. My journal, I recognized.

“Don’t call me that,” I said softly, for what felt like the millionth time since we had met at that gym in our home town of Brooklyn all those years ago. He smiled at me, a mischievous glint in his eye since we were both more than aware he would only continue to call me that.

“You left this on the table, you were in such a hurry that you must’ve forgotten it.”

I take it from him with a small smile and a quiet thank you, and then continue to walk towards where I knew Peggy was waiting for me. No doubt thinking of all the ways she was about to murder me for being so late. I expected Bucky to go back to hangout with the other guys, but was surprised when he fell into step beside me, his hands resting in his pants pockets as we walked. 

When the building came into view his left hand reached out and gently gripped onto my right arm, causing me to halt and turn to him. 

He looked at me softly, a longing resting in his blue-grey eyes that I had seen numerous times before. A look that was shared between the two of us more times than I could count.  

“Doll-”

“Don’t call me that.”

A laugh left his nose in a huff as the sides of his mouth raised in a smile, his eyes looking towards the winter sky before looking back to me. 

“Y/N, I actually came looking for you because I wanted to ask ya something.” He started, his voice soft as he continued to look at me with those same eyes that I couldn’t help but feel myself get lost in.

“I thought you came to give me my journal?” Another laugh, and then his eyes once again focused on me.

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in going to see the band tonight?” His voice was nervous, his eyes full of hope and something I couldn’t quite place. I knew what he was asking. I was hoping he wouldn’t.

It’s not that I didn’t want to go with him. In any other scenario I would have said yes in a single heartbeat. However, this wasn’t any other scenario. I was the only woman in the Howling Commandos, the only woman on the front lines in the entire U.S army. Getting them to accept me even after Dr. Erskine gave me the serum was almost impossible. Every day that I am here I have to prove myself. I have to be better, stronger, faster. I didn’t need to show my true feelings for another soldier and have everyone use it as a means to try and get rid of me.

And if that wasn’t enough of a reason there was the obvious one. We were in a war. A war where people died constantly and there was nothing to do but keep fighting. I had already lost my father and three brothers to this war, my twin included. I refused to let myself get close to someone and then lose them too. Losing my twin brother almost killed me. And looking into Bucky’s eyes I knew that losing him would be more than I could handle. 

Still, not being able to find the strength in my heart to turn him down directly I did what I always did. Deflected.

“I fully intend on going to the band tonight,” I stated in a matter of fact tone, my eyes betraying me when I had to look away from his stare. 

“You know how I meant it, Doll.” His voice was soft, yet steady, and his gaze never once faltered as his blue orbs bore into mine.

“Don’t call me that,” I said meekly. My eyes cast completely at our boots in the snow now, not being able to find the strength to look at him any longer. All it did was make me falter in my reserve.  

I heard him sigh, and then he said my name so softly I almost didn’t hear him. The softness in his voice cause my eyes to meet his, and his smile was kind, though it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“At least save me a dance, Doll?” 

I simply nodded my head slowly, words not coming to me in that moment. The way he was looking at me was causing my brain to malfunction, I was sure of it. I couldn’t go as his date, but what was the harm in one dance?

“I’ll see you tonight then, Doll.” 

And then he was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts before I turned around to see a smirking Peggy standing behind me, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked at me knowingly.

“Alright then, since you’ve managed to skip our meeting almost entirely I don’t see the point in trying to start it now. Stark will just have to explain things to you before your mission tomorrow. Now, we have a dance to go get ready for.” 

I smiled at my friend thankfully, before the two of us made our way to our shared tent to try and find something in her closet to wear tonight.

By the time we finally walked into the large tent the band was playing in, the party was in full swing. Men and women were dancing and laughing gleefully, something that had become a rare sight in recent years. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been to something like this, or even had worn a dress. 

Peggy had leant me a sea green number, with long sleeves and had what Peg called a “floaty A-line skirt” that came to just below my knees. It was possibly the most comfortable dress I had ever worn, which is what made me agree to keep it on even though I much rather would have put my trousers and boots back on. Peg had even done a little makeup on me, and it made me realize that I don’t think I’d ever worn makeup in my life. 

“Y/L/N, You might finally give Barnes a heart attack tonight looking like that.” Dum Dum called from behind me, making me shake my head with a light laugh as I turned to my fellow Howling Commandos. They were all regarding me with curious looks, no doubt wondering how Peg got me to agree to wear this. 

“Forget Barnes, I think I’m having one right now!” Morita clutched at his heart with a dreamy look on his face, causing Dum Dum to hit him on the back of his head with a laugh. I only chuckled at my friends’ antics.

Peggy went off to find Steve, and I found myself getting lost in the crowd searching for a familiar pair of blue eyes. 

Dum Dum must have recognized what I was doing, because he only made a sound of disapproval before taking my hand and leading me over to the dance floor, guiding me in the steps to the dance that everyone here seemed to know but me. 

"I thought you turned him down when he asked you to be his date?” Dum Dum asked me in between steps, and I rolled my eyes softly.

“I suppose I should have guessed he’d go back and tell you all of our conversation.”

“When are you gonna stop pushing him away and realize what everyone else already knows?” My friend asked me softly, knowing it was a touchy subject for me. Dum Dum knew full well why I was so reserved about admitting my feelings for a certain blue-eyed soldier. One night with a bottle of bourbon and the man had me confessing all of my greatest fears to him. 

“Timothy, you know why I don’t.” The use of his first name caused the man to let out an additional sound of disapproval as he led me through the next part of the dance. 

“Aren’t dames supposed to know how to dance? You step on my foot again and I might lose it!” He joked, my hand coming out to swat at his arm. 

“Call me a dame again and you’ll lose more than just your foot!”

Over the course of the next few songs I found myself dancing with each one of the Howling Commandos, excluding Steve, who was dancing with Peg happily. Both wore big smiles, and the sight warmed my heart and made me question myself for a moment. 

Peggy and Steve were clearly in love with one another, and it was clear that they would end up spending the rest of their lives together when this was all over. Their love for one another was so clear that everyone who took one look at them knew it, and no one thought of Peg as any less strong because of it. So why would it be any different for me? 

My thought was cut off when the song ended and the male singer took a break, a woman taking the stage in a beautiful dress, the sparkles making her seemingly shine. The band started a new song, something much slower than the last few. I let go of Jim and thanked him for the dance, before excusing myself and heading for the exit. 

We had an early mission in the morning. An important mission at that. We finally got a good lead on where Zola would be heading next, and were going to board the train and stop him before he could get to his next destination. If this mission was successful and we captured the scientist, it would give us a leg up on The Red Skull. A leg up that could possibly mean an end to this war. 

I had just exited the tent when my body collided with another, nearly knocking me off my feet before a large pair of hands grabbed my forearms and stopped my body from colliding with the snow covered ground. 

I went to apologize, but stopped when I looked up to see Bucky standing in front of me in his uniform, his hands still lightly grasping my arms. His smile overcame his entire face when he looked at me, and the sheer happiness in his eyes was enough to make my heart swell. 

“All these years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen ya in a dress, Doll.” His tone was playful, yet warm, and in that moment I couldn’t find it within myself to argue with him about that name.

“You’re late.” I informed him softly, his hands now leaving me and causing a cold feeling to fill my body from the loss of contact. Though he didn’t pull away from me, and was still so close I could feel his breath on my face.

“Had some stuff to do before tomorrow, but I made sure to come down to dance with my best girl.” 

Ignoring the fluttering in my chest I took a step away from him, reminding myself of why I couldn’t get close to him.

“I was just leaving-”

“Just one dance, Doll. You promised.” And before I could say anything Bucky took my hand in his, his right hand moving to my waist to hold me delicately, starting to sway us slightly to the new song that was just beginning to play. 

I recognized the song. It was a soft one, with a pretty melody. I think the original singer’s name was Billie Holiday, but the woman on stage sang it just as beautifully. The words reaching something deep inside of me. 

I'll be seeing you In all the old familiar places That this heart of mine embraces All day through  

I wound my free hand around the back of his neck affectionately, bringing the two of us closer than we ever had been before. From this angle I could see every shade that nestled inside of his blue eyes, the colors swirling as he looked at me with that look in his eyes that I still couldn’t place. The look that set my skin on fire every time he looked at me like that.

In that small cafe The park across the way The children's carousel The chestnut trees The wishin' well

“Doll, there’s something that I’ve been wantin’ to tell ya for a while now,” He began. A nervousness setting in his eyes and mixing with that unknown feeling. 

“What is it, Buck?” I asked, my voice in a near whisper. The nighttime air was cold, yet comforting as the soldier held me in his embrace, the band’s song wrapping around us as it floated through the air. 

I'll be seeing you In every lovely summer's day In everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way

“You look absolutely stunning tonight, Doll.” He let out in a breath, his nervous eyes still focusing on mine. 

“You’ve been wanting to tell me that I look stunning tonight for a while?” I joked lightly, causing him to laugh. 

“No. Well not no, you do look stunning tonight. So stunning. Absolutely beautiful, not that you’re not beautiful all the time! I think you’re always beautiful, which kind of has to do with what I’ve been trying to tell you-”

I cut him off with a soft whisper of his name, not wanting him to finish his sentence because I didn’t have the strength to hear it and then have to walk away and pretend that I didn’t.

I'll find you In the morning sun And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon But I'll be seeing you

“Buck, Please don’t.”

“I know that you’re scared, Doll. I know and I understand it, I do. I understand it because every time I look at you, I am so terrified of losing you. I know that things are tricky right now-”

“Things aren’t tricky, Buck! We are in the middle of a war. Either one of us could die at any time. We could die tomorrow, and I can’t lose you. That’s why you can’t finish your sentence, because there’s just too much we could lose if you do.”

“Doll, Y/N. Me not saying it won’t stop either of us from losing the other. Whether I say it now or don’t one of us could still die. And don’t you think it would be so much worse to lose each other without having told each other what we both already know?”

I'll be seeing you In every lovely summer's day In everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way

The song continued to play but we had stopped dancing by now, just desperately holding onto each other as Bucky’s words hung in the air.

“You are everything to me, Y/N. My light, my laughter. The reason I get out of bed every morning to face another day of this war is knowing that I get to do it beside you. I look at you and I forget every bad thing that’s happening. I look at you and I’m not in the middle of Siberia fighting a war that we might not win. I look at you and I’m back in Brooklyn, watching the cluelessly beautiful girl sweep around the gym just waiting until everyone leaves so she can start throwing punches at the bag. I look at you, Doll, and I’m home.”

By the end of his confession tears were lining my face, freezing against my skin as the cold Siberian night air brushed against them. His hands let go of me and instead came up to hold my face delicately, his thumbs reaching up to brush the tears away. 

“I love you, Y/N. More than I’ve ever loved anybody else. More than someone can love another person. It fills me completely. Every ounce of my being is you. And I know that you’re scared. And I know that you probably won’t say it back to me because you’re the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life, and that’s okay. It’s okay if you can’t say it back right now. It’s okay because I know that you love me too, even if you can’t say it.” 

He finally ends his confession with a lingering kiss to my forehead, pouring so much love into that one simple gesture, and then he lets me go. He gives me one last smile before telling me he’ll see me tomorrow, and turns back towards his tent.

I'll find you In the morning sun And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon But I'll be seeing you

I’m shocked back to reality when this version of Bucky’s fist lands a hit so hard to my face that the metal of my mask cracks, finally making me have to take it off to avoid it slicing into my skin further. 

The second the mask leaves my face his assaults stops coming. When I open my eyes he isn’t the winter soldier anymore. The look in his eyes is a mixture of hurt, anger, confusion, recognition, and that look I haven’t seen in nearly seventy years.

It’s clear that whatever Hydra’s done to him had jumbled his mind. If they hadn’t, he would have recognized Steve right away. 

I lay motionless beneath him, not daring to make a move as his mind tries to process what’s going on. I can see the confrontation going on in his head as every emotion presents itself in his eyes.

Finally, he focuses back on me and removes the mask from where it covered his nose and mouth. Physically, he has barely aged in the last seventy years. But all the innocence that remained on his face then was completely absent now. His features hardened by heartache and death. 

In the background I can hear Steve’s gasp as he finally realizes who we had been fighting and why I had stopped the moment I saw his eyes.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, drawing Bucky’s attention from me as he gets up and turns toward his once best friend.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Marvel What If’s Women Problem

Welcome back to the feminist rant!

I really didn’t intend to spend three weeks in a row writing about the Marvel animated series What If…? But I wanted to see this through.

Last week we talked about this show’s abundant use of the “fridged woman” trope. However, a show doesn’t need to kill its female characters in order to fail them.

Remember that time I made up a feminist movie test? I call it the “Want Test.” You can read the full explanation here, but here’s the summary:

This test requires that a film (or, in this case, an episode of a TV show) has at least one named female character. After watching the show, ask, “Does what the named female character want matter to the plot?” Then, score the movie based on the answer to this question.

If the answer is “Yes, what the named female character wants matters to the plot,” then give the movie a checkmark!”

If the answer is “Yes, AND this is true of multiple named female characters,” then the movie gets a check-plus. If these characters help each other get what they want, the movie gets a check-double-plus!

If the answer is “Yes, BUT her wants are an obstacle to a male character’s goal,” then the movie gets a check-minus. The woman may matter to the plot, but her importance is centered on her relationship to a male character and how much he matters to the plot. Often movies with a check-minus involve a male protagonist actively trying to stop a female character from getting what she wants; while she has an impact on the world around her, the movie isn’t rooting for the woman.

If the answer is “No, what she wants doesn’t matter,” then the movie fails the test. Give it a minus.

Okay, now let’s talk about Marvel What If. Once again, there are spoilers for the first seven episodes of this show below the cut, and some discussion of the plot points in the movies these episodes are based on.

When I compare the first seven episodes of What If to the Want Test, they each barely scrape their way to a check-minus (though after my rant last week, I’m tempted to edit my test so that a show that fridges a female character automatically fails). In summary, it does not matter what most of the named female characters want. Each episode has a single woman whose wants do affect the plot, but what she wants is always some kind of obstacle to a male character’s goal. Even when the women of What If survive the episode, the male characters’ feelings are the primary engine of the show.

As I neared the end of Episode Six, “What If… Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?” I said to myself, “Well, at least Pepper and Shuri aren’t dead.” But then, in the last minute of the episode, Shuri and Pepper meet and state their intent to take down Killmonger. And I said to myself, “Okay, so why didn’t we get THAT episode?”

Sure, it’s cool to see two smart girls teaming up, but they don’t get to do anything! This episode repeatedly puts Pepper and Shuri down. Every time they express suspicion of Killmonger, someone contradicts them. What they want does not matter. They are obstacles to the men, and they are easily pushed aside, and so all they can do is stand in the background and watch while the boys run around and play war games.

If your named female characters only matter in the last scene of the show, then they don’t really matter. This episode wasn’t about the women at all. It was about the men killing each other and making each other sad.

*

I really don’t want to say much about the seventh episode, “What If… Thor Were an Only Child?”

What I will say is, “Why, why, WHY is Dr. Jane Foster more concerned about hurting the hot guy’s feelings than she is about how the hot guy is about to cause the end of the world?”

And I will also say, “Why does Captain Marvel need to be nice to Thor at the end of the episode after he spent the entire episode being a jackass to her?”

And I will end this section of the blog post by saying, “Frigga deserves so much better than any man in her family has ever given her.”

*

The second episode of this show, “What If… T’Challa Became a Star-Lord?” might be my favorite episode. Mainly because it’s the only one I genuinely liked while I was watching it. It was fun, and I was happy to hear Chadwick Boseman’s voice one more time. Overall, it’s a lovely tribute to both the actor and his character.

But, for me, liking this episode required ignoring a big problem: Nebula and Thanos’s relationship.

We don’t know exactly when in this timeline T’Challa met Thanos and convinced him to give up on the “murder half the universe” plan. But we do know that even before Thanos collected the Infinity Stones, he was roaming the universe slaughtering millions. We know he committed genocide against Gamora’s people the day he “adopted” her, and it’s safe to assume he did the same to Nebula’s. We know that he raised Gamora and Nebula to fight each other, and every time Nebula lost a fight, he replaced a part of her body with cybernetics, constantly torturing her.

What If never tells us that that Thanos did not abuse his daughters. It never tells us that he did not slaughter millions, including his daughters’ birth families. But it does tell us that Thanos is Nebula’s father. And he wouldn’t be her father if he hadn’t been roaming the universe killing people.

In this episode, we see an adult Nebula who seems to think her dad is annoying, but any feelings she might have about how genuinely terrible he is – feelings she was freely willing to admit in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies – go completely unmentioned.

Thanos and Nebula’s relationship is played for laughs, like they just need to get over their past and hug it out. That bothers me a lot. It’s like the show is saying that Nebula’s pain doesn’t matter. What matters is that Thanos is sad she doesn’t want to hang out with him.

I should also point out that in Avengers: Infinity War, Gamora gets fridged. Her feelings are unimportant to the plot; her stated desire to die before she can be used as a part of Thanos’s plot is mocked and discarded. When she is murdered, the moment of her death is all about how it would hurt Thanos to kill her. Gamora’s death also serves as motivation for Peter Quill to sabotage the other heroes’ efforts to stop Thanos.

Gamora is nowhere to be seen in this episode of What If. The women that Thanos abused really don’t matter here at all.

*

I’ve been putting off talking about this show’s pilot episode, “What If… Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?” This episode was… You know, it was fun, in a very similar way to how the Star Lord T’Challa episode was fun. I can’t lie and say I didn’t like seeing super buff Peggy Carter beat the crap out of Nazis. That was a lot of fun.

But the thing I couldn’t stop thinking while watching was, “This isn’t Peggy’s story. It’s Steve’s!”

Peggy Carter may have gotten the super serum in this reality, but Steve Rogers is still the main driving force of the plot. Peggy goes to Germany to save Steve’s best friend. She works with Steve’s allies, the Howling Commandoes, instead of finding her own. Steve’s issues and emotions are central to everything Peggy does; she may say in dialogue that she wants to end the war, but what we see is that Steve is her motivation. In fact, he’s everyone’s motivation – in the scene where Peggy, Bucky, Howard, and the Howling Commandoes decide to go take down Red Skull, they all go around the table and say that they’re doing it “for Steve.” Not because ending the war is the right thing to do, not because they care about the millions of people murdered and tortured by the Nazis – but because they care about Steve.

When I first heard about this show, I thought that Steve was going to die, and that would be why Captain Carter would exist. The interesting/ironic thing here is that the episode pokes at the idea of fridging Steve, but it doesn’t quite have the guts to go through with it. Everyone thinks that Steve died on the train, but then they find him in Red Skull’s castle, and he’s totally fine! Killing off Captain America would have been an interesting, powerful new direction to take the story. But this episode doesn’t seem interested in taking new directions. It seems more interested in showing how things would stay the same even if Steve didn’t get the serum, even if Peggy switched careers from secret agent to superhero, even if Bucky never became the Winter Soldier, even if Red Skull decided to open a portal to tentacle hell. Things just stay the same.

And I don’t get the point of presenting us with a show where there are “endless possibilities” if things are just going to stay the same. If Peggy Carter will still be a side character in Steve Roger’s story. If Hank Pym’s grief still matters more than Janet and Hope Van Dyne’s lives. If Thanos will still never be held accountable for abusing Gamora and Nebula. If Doctor Strange is still an arrogant jackass. If the only realities we see are ones where men get to act and feel, and women get to be plot devices.

The truth is that the Watcher just isn’t interested in showing us realities where women live and thrive in their own right. For all its emphasis on how different decisions can cause dramatic changes to reality, the creators of What If have no real investment in making different decisions in how they portray female characters. It’s just more of the same.

I’m done thinking about this show. Let’s talk about something else next week, okay?

Be good to yourself, be kind to each other, and you’ll hear from me again soon!

[until-theend-oftheline]

Finding Neverland - Part 2: Aimless

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Warnings: PTSD, Survivor’s guilt, Insomnia, aimlessness, mention of character deaths.  

Squares Filled: Tony Stark for @star-spangled-bingo 2021 and Insomnia for @badthingshappenbingo

Word Count: 1400ish

A/N: Still no reader in this part - we will meet her in the next part. 

Betaed by: @blacktithe7​ - thank you love

MASTERLIST - TAGLIST

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Bucky couldn’t tell you why exactly, but his first stop had been visiting the lake where Tony had been put to rest. He parked some distance away from the house. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb or cause any pain to Pepper or the little girl. Instead he quietly snuck up to the lake across from the house. 

Bucky wasn’t sure how long he stood there letting the night of December 16th 1991 play over and over in his mind. He had done a lot of things he wished he could have stopped himself from doing. Things that kept him up at night or pulled him from his sleep screaming at himself to stop. Every life he had taken haunted him and caused the insomnia he had battled ever since he had gotten control of his mind back. Every single one, but somehow, that night was clearer than the rest. Maybe it was because Howard had once been a friend, or maybe it was because Tony had grown up to become a friend of Steve’s. He wasn’t sure. He also knew he should have been angry at Tony for trying to kill him and Steve that day so long ago, but he wasn’t. He never had been. Bucky hadn’t wanted to die, but if he had died that day, it would have been justified. Bucky even resigned to his faith back then and had only started fighting back when Steve wouldn’t stop helping him, and Tony’s rage had turned on Bucky’s best friend. His only friend. The only man that had never given up on him. 

Bucky didn’t realize he had started crying, and he had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her walk up next to him. He only became aware of her when she handed him a handkerchief.

Bucky’s eyes briefly met Pepper’s as he took it before her eyes drifted to the lake. They stood there silently watching the stillness of the water, and Bucky desperately wished he knew what to say. He didn’t. He hardly ever did, so he kept quiet, not wanting to leave, but not sure if he had any right to stay either. 

“He didn’t blame  you anymore.” Pepper’s voice was quiet, hesitant almost but she sounded sure. “After Morgan was born, I think he started seeing everything differently. He felt betrayed by Steve to a degree, but he was also ashamed of what he had done. He never spoke about it much, but I knew him. Better than anyone I suspect.”

“He was right to blame me,” Bucky lowered his head. 

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Pepper turned around to face Bucky. “It’s so much more complicated than that Bucky. He was angry and hurt, but like I said, when Morgan was born he let go of all of that. If he had been here with us, I know he would have told you to do the same. What they made you do, there is no changing that. There is no bringing back Tony. We just have to find a way to live with the past. We have to live though, for the ones we lost.”

“I don’t know if I know how,” Bucky answered truthfully, his voice heavy with grief and guilt. 

“When you figure out how to let go of it all like Tony did,” Pepper smiled, reaching out to give Bucky’s arm a slight squeeze, “then you’ll know.”

Bucky looked down at her hand before meeting her eyes. He gave her a sad grateful smile. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. 

“Do you want to come back to the house? Meet Morgan?” Pepper offered, making Bucky quickly shake his head. He didn’t want to do anything to upset the child.

“Okay. I’m heading back to her,” Pepper sighed was she turned to walk away but stopped, looking back up at him. “You’re always welcome here Bucky. You don’t have to try and sneak in. I doubt with all of Tony’s tech and Happy keeping an eye out, you could if you wanted too.”

Bucky smiled. He had been an idiot thinking no one would know he was here.

“That’s good,” Bucky nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

He stayed in front of the lake for a few minutes after Pepper disappeared back toward the house. He walked back to his bike, feeling a little lighter, but still not able to forgive himself for what he had done to the Stark family or to any of his other victims. He had hope though, hope that he would be able to find a way to live with it all, just like Pepper had advised him. He just had no idea how yet. So Bucky drifted around from town to town for a few weeks. He never stayed in the same place for more than a day. He told himself he was exploring his country, but he wasn’t. He felt aimless. He had no idea why he had left a place where he was at least doing some good to drift around with no direction at all. When he was on the run he had a goal; stay under the radar - don’t get caught. Now he was just… drifting. 

He had no one left but Steve and maybe Sam. He had left the two of them behind to look for something; he had no idea what. He felt useless, and was almost ready to go back a month after he left, sitting awake in a hotel room hundreds of miles from New York. He had just about made up his mind when his phone suddenly rang, and Steve’s face appeared on the screen. 

Bucky grumbled, slightly annoyed that Steve somehow always seemed to know when he needed to talk, even if Bucky never wanted too. 

“Steve, it’s the middle of the night,” Bucky groaned into the phone, and he could practically feel Steve rolling his eyes at him. 

“You weren’t sleeping, and it’s not night here yet,” Steve retorted, before pausing. “Bucky I have to tell you something… Becca she…”

“She died while I was gone. I know,” Bucky interrupted Steve. That was one of the many things that haunted Bucky at night. He had the chance to go see her when he was on the run or in exile. It would have been risky, but she had been alive.

“Yeah… I’m sorry Buck. I found out where she’s buried,” Steve said hesitantly.

Bucky felt as if the air was knocked from his chest. He hadn’t looked for her resting place, because visiting her would make it real. His little sister was no longer breathing the same air that he was. He no longer had a family, not aside from Steve that was, and with his decision, chances were Bucky would be forced to outlive him too. 

Bucky had understood. He wanted Steve to be happy, and he wouldn’t have wanted Steve to choose any differently. He had encouraged his choice, and he would again. 

“Stevie… I don’t know if…” Bucky stammered, and he heard Steve take a deep breath on the other end of the phone. Just like he usually did when he was getting ready for one of his speeches. Only nothing came. 

“I’m gonna text you the address.” Steve announced, and it was Bucky’s turn to take a deep breath. 

“Okay…” 

“Bucky,” Steve tried, making Bucky shake his head even if he knew Steve couldn’t see him. 

“I’m fine Stevie,” he lied. 

“I think you should go see her. I think… well I think that might be where you need to go,” Steve said, without really saying anything. It always annoyed Bucky when he did that, but he was also too tired to argue. 

“I might,” Bucky promised without promising too much. “Goodnight Steve. Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” Steve’s voice sounded before Bucky ended the call, waiting for the screen to light up with an address. He stared at the phone for a few minutes before tossing it onto the bedside table and throwing himself back onto the bed. Tears flew down Bucky’s cheeks as he stared into the ceiling. For the first time in forever, he let himself feel the loss of his family, and it hurt so badly he could hardly breath. 

Reblogs spread my work and make me happy. Got a favorite part/line? Did something touch you? Do you relate in some way? Please tell me and make my day.  

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[idga-buck]

Some and Others, 3/?

Earth’s mightiest heroes save the city again, but that’s never the end of the story.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4,301

Content: canon typical violence, death, destruction, swearing

Bucky was going to call. He just didn’t. He was surprised you hadn’t and overwhelmingly disappointed that it meant if he was going to apologize, it was a conversation he’d have to initiate himself. It could wait though. Just a little longer while he figured out what he wanted to say.

A week later, the Post ran a story about the same gossip site that had leaked your photo of him being shut down after many of their stories and photos were found to be fake. A rarity for the world of journalism these days, Sam noted casually as they stopped at a newspaper cart. Bucky bought a couple candy bars and watched the man with the thick black mustache and the gold chain slip copies of the article in front of a few of his worst sellers. Could he actually be that lucky? It was an easy out after a week of dodging questions and trying to remind the world to stay out of his business.

“So that photo of you? The secret girlfriend?” Sam waited for Bucky to respond, but when the centenarian opted to buy a Pay Day instead, he watched closer. Bucky hated that. Sam said he had a staring problem, but Sam was the one with x-Ray vision. He could read people, read a room, read Steve’s body language from across a battlefield and adjust his position without being told. As annoyed as Bucky acted when paired up with Sam Wilson, he was one of the few people in this century that Bucky Barnes respected. Truly. Except for that moment on a street corner when brown eyes were scanning his complete lack of guts and deciding what was worth commenting on.

“Yeah,” Bucky ripped open the wrapper a little too aggressively and responded with peanuts between his teeth. “It wasn’t real.”

Sam nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets while Bucky stuffed his face. “I don’t know how you land the fake girlfriend story, when I’m right here,” they started walking away from the stand while Sam jabbered on. “And lookin’ as fine as I do? Come on, man,” he danced ahead of Bucky a few steps, forcing him to look up. “You know this would make a better story.”

Before Bucky could say anything, a loud crash echoed between the buildings. Nothing was visible from their block, but both men, trained for combat, were instantly on alert.

“That for us?” Sam asked, eyeing the busy intersection.

“No,” said Bucky, a clipped tone in his voice as he shook his head and started walking again.

Another crash, this time accompanied by the faint human noises that usually follow tragedy.

“You sure about that?” Sam’s eyebrow shot up.

Sirens from every kind emergency response vehicle blared in the distance, growing louder then quieter again as they wove their way through the streets, changing directions to avoid traffic.

Bucky pointed at a passing fire truck, waiting until it had turned down another street before speaking. “See? They got it.”

Then Sam’s phone rang and Bucky swore, planting his hands on his hips while whoever was on the other line confirmed that the emergency growing in the distance was in fact for them. Sam placed the call on speaker and gave their current location. Stark’s voice was muffled and metallic, the way it usually was while calling from inside his fancy helmet, but he told them to stay put as he did a fly by with Sam’s equipment.

“Tell the Tin Man he’s got a special delivery,” Tony informed them from somewhere overhead.

“They're your wings,” Bucky grumbled, looking up from the ground as the familiar glare of Iron Man’s thrusters came into view. “And your robot.”

“First of all,” Sam informed him. “Red Wing isn’t a robot. He’s a drone.”

“It,” Bucky corrected, “is a robot.”

“I’m gonna tell him you said that,” said Sam before pointing up to where Iron Man had doubled back to get a better angle. “And… unlike some of us present, my body is exactly as God created it, flesh and bone.”

“Pop up, deep center,” Tony’s voice rang out obnoxiously through Sam’s phone once more.

Bucky watched a black bundle falling from the sky, trying to position himself under it and pushing more than one pedestrian out of his way to do so. “Actually, I was a catcher back in ‘32.”

“THEN CATCH!” Sam hollered just before the EXO Falcon gear landed square in Bucky’s chest, forcing him off his feet and onto his ass, skidding to a stop on a sidewalk while the people around them scattered, gasping and grabbing at their phones to take pictures of the two Avengers. Bucky laid flat on his back, both arms still wrapped around the bundle, and took a deep breath when Sam stood over his head, arms shooting out to his sides as he yelled “SAFE!”

Bucky groaned and tossed the black bag up into Sam’s arms, hard enough to make him stumble but not enough to knock him down. “Should have said ‘out.’” Bucky grumbled and Sam chuckled as he dug through the bag for his equipment. “Safe makes it sound like I-”

“You really wanna argue about baseball right now,” Sam laughed, securing his wings over his torso and releasing them both with a flash as if stretching before a fight. “Or are we gonna go save the world?” Bucky didn’t answer, just took off running in the direction of the screams. “That’s what I’m talking about,” said Sam to himself, shooting up into the air.

…

Robots. Drones. Whatever they, Bucky Barnes has decided that he hates them.

Fighting Nazis was easy. Not physically. Not when your gun isn’t really yours and the food sucks and you’re almost as worried about losing your toes as you are losing your team. But it made sense. These men in their wool coats wanted innocent deaths. Something in Bucky that had been there all along was born anew in the war. He was a protector. Of his sisters, of Steve, of his country. It made sense.

Nothing about Hydra made sense and the therapist he stopped seeing told him it was okay to think about those years differently than the rest. So he did.

When T’challa presented him with a black vibranium canon for his left side, the enemy was otherworldly. Literally. They didn’t bleed like men. They made horrible screeching noises when they died, but even that was different from me. They rode disgusting creatures with teeth that could have scratched his arm if he’d let them get close enough. They were invaders, their leader sought destruction on an even greater scale than the War. Bucky was a protector again, protector of Earth, of life in the universe. An unimaginable title for the boy he’d been, sitting in front of the radio with his family and marveling at the president's voice. It’s not like he was eager to do it again, but space invaders whose goal was universal genocide would be met with the business end of Bucky’s favorite rifle.

Fighting robots, however, was fucked up.

Bucky was still processing his new life, still getting used to the idea that people carried plastic cards in their wallets and could pull money out of the walls with just a few buttons. There were movie theaters with screens two stories high. Cars plugged into the sides of hotels. The cell phone in his pocket was overwhelming as is. In a few minutes, he could buy all the clothes he’d ever need, pay for dinner, and talk to people across the country. It was baffling.

All this technology, all this progress, and of course there were people who weaponized it. Bucky hated that. He remembered science fairs, remembered Howard Stark’s big promises. There was so much hope in him as a young man. He’d live to drive a flying car, his children would learn about the world through a holograms in their livingroom, his grandchildren would live on the moon. The possibilities were endless. So much so that people with horrible intentions for the world also believed that the possibilities were endless, forcing Bucky into his current position.

His thighs were wrapped around the base of a machine, arms wound near the top. He threw his shoulders back with all of his might, squeezing his legs in the process, and didn’t stop until the metal gave way. Bucky fell onto the pavement with his own momentum, the enemy in two pieces with wires exposed and frizzling as they died. He dropped the robot and rolled to his side, observing the scene around him. Steve used a cleaner approach and sent his shield flying through the air. Three more bots’ were sliced in two, the last of which was pinned by the shield into the side of a brick building. Sam circled above, with Redwing swooping below to draw laser fire away from bystanders while Wanda tried her best to herd them away, spinning to throw angry red energy at anything that came their direction.

“Sergeant Barnes!” The familiar and overly excited voice of the kid in blue and red spider gear startled Bucky. The kid swung in unexpectedly, decked out and ready to help. Bucky didn’t care that he was probably skipping school to do so and swung his vibranium arm behind him, the metal of another droid crunching under his elbow. “How can I help?”

Bucky squinted, a little dumbfounded at the question. There was a six block radius being overrun with droids, drones, robots- whatever- and people were terrified. “Pick something,” he grunted, taking the robot's head… top part, between his hands and twisting until it gave way and the bottom half dropped powerless to the ground.

Just then the sound of metal screeching pulled both their eyes to a city bus being thrown around like it was weightless, crunching the vehicles nearby, and sending more people into a frenzy as buildings were still evacuating onto the street. “That! Pick that!” Bucky commanded and the kid flew away, attached to a white string like a kite. Two more robots were approaching from the sidewalk, red eyes glowing and ready to fire. Bucky looked around the street for something, anything that he could use before deciding on a minivan. The windows looked clear, driver and passengers already scampering away at the first sign of trouble, so Bucky planted his boot into the back door and kicked. The door caved in and the vehicle flipped onto its side before skidding to a halt on the sidewalk and crushing the robots beneath it.

“Uh! MISTER BARNES, SIR, SARGE-!”

Bucky turned back to look at Peter, propped up on a light pole and leaning so far back his body was almost parallel to the ground. The only thing keeping him upright was the two thick white webs attached to the bus, one at the front and one at the back. It was tipping over dangerously low, trapping a small group of people between the bus and two buildings, one that had smoke billowing out the windows. This was a mess.

Bucky ran through the street, jumping onto the hoods of abandoned cars to avoid weaving between them before leaping off an SUV and rolling back into a run on the sidewalk. A laser struc Peter, knocking him clean off his perch, and the webs supporting the bus went dangerously slack as it started tipping toward the trapped people again. Bucky jumped, wedging himself between the building and the collapsing bus with great effort. His shoulders dug into the brick behind him and his thighs burned as he shoved the bus away from the wall, gritting his teeth as he felt it slowly start to tip away from the ground. The kid was now on the ground somewhere out of sight and Bucky had to hold back from sending the vehicle flying, lest he squash Stark’s favorite spider in the process. The tension in his legs grew as he held it steady, adjusting his feet and shoulders until he felt it wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey!” He called out to the people below him. “Get out of here, go!”

There were rushed thank yous and lots of tears as the crowd dispersed from their trapped position. But one voice stood out among them and it made Bucky’s heart speed up.

“Bucky?! Oh my god, BUCKY!”

Bucky’s eyes were closed under the strain, but he’d know your voice anywhere. He opened them just in time to see Peter recover and zip off in a new direction. Bucky released his breath and shoved his feet out hard, tipping the bus back. He dropped from the wall and grabbed you as the bus wobbled precariously in both directions before finally falling into traffic and directly onto the roof of an empty red sports car.

Bucky hadn’t realized how tight he was holding you until you said his name again and the word was broken. His arms relaxed a bit, but you made no move to run away… or let go of his jacket. The two of you just stared at each other, breathing heavily, before screaming drew your eyes away. The small crowd of people you’d been stuck with were running away from where you stood, but the two in the back collapsed, their bodies charred and heavy as they hit the ground. You screamed then and Bucky pulled your back into his chest, hugging your stomach as you keeled over. He’d seen so much death in his hundred odd years, it was hard to witness it with these fresh eyes. You weren’t prepared to watch two innocent people’s skin melting under lasers. Hell, neither was Bucky and while you cried in his arms, the smell of burning flesh stung his eyes. He’d never get over that smell, no matter how many world wars he participated in. His face was buried in the back of your head, shushing you as he lifted you up. He took careful backwards steps until you were both hidden in the same alley you’d just been trapped in. Bucky looked up at the burning building and decided he had a minute before you were both in danger here.

“Hey,” he said softly when you went limp against his chest. “Hey now,” he repeated, spinning and almost dropping you when he realized you hadn’t just relaxed… you were unconscious. “Shit,” Bucky dropped to his knees and let your body lean up against his chest, slapping at your cheeks and calling your name to try and wake you up. Half of your face was red with blood from a wound he couldn’t see somewhere in your hair. Break up or no break up, he couldn’t leave you like this. Any other person, he’d run them to safety and double back to continue clearing the streets. But this wasn’t any person. It was the girl he dumped in the middle of a restaurant and had continuously put off calling to explain himself. He hadn’t gotten the chance to clear the air and leaving you to wake up in a few hours in the middle of a destroyed midtown was just too cruel. He did like you and now it felt like he owed you.

Bucky picked you up like a doll and slung you around to his back, crossing your arms over his chest as your legs dangled behind his knees. That wasn’t going to work, he decided after only a few steps. “Can you hold on a little-“ Bucky drifted off as he turned his face to see your face hidden behind him, your forehead limply resting against his shoulder. “Of course not,” he berated himself and stopped to adjust again. This time he stooped, grabbing one of your arms and one of your legs with his hands. You were slung over his shoulders like a backpack, the same way he carried goats in Wakanda, only much easier since you weren’t kicking or screaming and he had two hands with which to wrangle you.

His steady march out of the fray was interrupted once by Wanda. After directing pockets of people to safety, she’d sought out the source of the invasion. Bucky looked around for a safe place to stow your body and found an SUV that was abandoned but still running with the doors unlocked to lay you out across the backseat, carefully tucking your feet in before slamming the door behind him. He liked Wanda, despite not knowing what exactly she was capable of, but liked her a lot less when he found himself immersed in a glowing red forcefield and being lifted into the sky. When he was forced through the large glass window of another building only to look up and find her floating gently through the hole his body had created, she shrugged.

“This way was faster,” she said, Sokovian accent much softer than their first meeting.

“Right,” Bucky groaned, making a mental note of how many Avengers could zip through the air with ease and the odds of being the one she found on the ground.

They raced up the final set of stairs and Bucky ripped the maintenance door to the roof off its hinges. It was unlucky that Bucky and Wanda had been the ones to find the bastard responsible. If it had been Steve, he’d been bound and handed over to the authorities. Tony might have thrown him in armored vehicle and shook him around a bit before demanding answers. Bruce… depending on the day wouldn’t have been much better. Nat would have gotten answers easier than either of them and Sam was easily the most noble of the bunch, so Bucky had no idea what he’d do. The right thing, whatever that was. But Wanda wasn’t particularly fond of people who harmed innocent people. The motivation didn’t much matter to her when the sounds of children crying could be heard in the streets. Bucky didn’t have much grace for people who were smart enough to help, but broken enough to hurt. Like the bastards in Hydra, who healed him, kept him alive, gave him extraordinary strength then weaponized him. Anyone who had this level of technological advancement and chose to bring destruction with it was a waste of air. Wanda hoisted the man up into one of her angry red orbs while Bucky broke the control panel into as many pieces as he could, destroying anyone else’s opportunity to learn from this guy. Neither of them had anticipated this guy to be so well armed. It looked like a pistol, but whatever it fired managed to get through Wanda’s energy field and pierce her shoulder, breaking her focus just enough for him to drop back onto the roof. He took off running to the edge and leapt, but Wanda recovered faster, using her powers to yank him back. Bucky caught him in the air and squeezed, locking the man in a painful hold until he noticed glowing red numbers counting down behind the man’s neck. Shit.

“Bucky!” Wanda pointed at the man’s hands, wrapped threateningly around a plunger that could only mean one thing.

Without a better option, Bucky turned back to edge. He released the man and as he tried to stumble forward, Bucky’s boot landed square against his sacrum, launching the man through the air and into a neighboring building in a ball of fire. Both Avengers watched the corner offices go up in flames, disgust and horror in both their eyes.

“The whole block was evacuated,” Wanda said softly and Bucky nodded. There was a distinct lack of screaming coming from the direction of the building and sirens soon flooded the streets below as first responders made their way into critical areas. From the ledge, both of them watched as the remaining bots dropped to the ground before their team, disengaging en masse. Steve looked up from atop a bodega and saluted the sky in their general direction, lifting the shield as a second acknowledgment before jumping down to the street to start… whatever Captain America does once the threat has been neutralized. The PR and clean up stuff wasn’t Bucky’s scene and he turned away, making it all the way across the roof, still observing the scene below, before remembering that you were somewhere, either still unconscious or just waking up, deeply confused in the back of a stranger’s car.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, wanting to make sure before asking Wanda for any favors.

She pulled her hand away from her shoulder, black nail polish and red blood looking menacing and downright witchy against her pale fingers. “I’ll be alright,” she assured him, eyes already glowing red as she prepared to offer more aid.

Bucky stopped her and nodded over the side of the building. “Gimme a lift?”

She snorted and waved her fingers without looking at him and soon enough, Bucky found himself falling on his ass once again. He needed to work on his dismount if this was going to become a regular pairing. Thankfully or maybe not, you were trying to wake up as Bucky slipped into the driver’s seat and commandeered the vehicle. He turned back to watch you whine in pain as you tried to sit up, before slipping back into sleep when he told you to stay down. You were in and out for most of the drive, which helped Bucky weave up and over curbs to avoid stagnant areas where everyone had abandoned their cars out of fear.

…

You woke up with a headache, exasperated by the bright lights of the emergency room. Bucky could see the moment you came to by the hard squinting that melted into a grimace. You’d had a couple false starts, but when your eyes opened and locked on his, Bucky knew it was the real deal this time. He stood to pull back the curtain and immediately a nurse was shimmying her way into your space, brushing her chest against Bucky’s in the process. He nodded and gave her a tight smile. It had been like that since he walked into the ER with you. Avengers carrying blacked out civilians get a lot of attention, but they also get speedy service. Which is what Bucky told himself when he stuck around once you’d been admitted. You’d get better care if he stayed with you, so he did. Feet propped up on the end of your bed and dropping whenever someone came to run another test. He wasn’t family and didn’t claim to be, so they told him nothing, but nurses managed to smile flirtatiously in between doing their job. In another life, Bucky would have… done something. Anything. He smiled. He was a hundred, not dead, but there was something off putting about receiving these looks when you were asleep right there between hanging curtains in an overrun hospital as ambulances and families started to arrive from the mess he’d just left.

You answered their questions slowly, but correctly. Your name, where you were, what year it is, who the president is. The doctor would be in soon and Bucky took the minute of alone time to scoot the chair they’d brought in for him. You were watching him expectantly as the legs scraped across the floor, just a few inches before he could reach a hand out to yours. You looked down curiously at your hand in Bucky’s.

“They spelled my name wrong,” you murmured and Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut as you lifted your joined hands to observe the little plastic bracelet closer. He shook his head, wanting to apologize, but also hoping you wouldn’t connect the dots that he’d given them your information incorrectly. “Bucky?” He looked up to find your eyes wider than usual, a little more vulnerable than he was used to seeing you and wanted to do something to make you feel better. But like the entirety of your relationship, he had no idea how to do that.

“You’re okay,” he nodded, telling himself as much as he was telling you.

“Thank you,” you squeezed his fingers as your voice shook.

Just then a man in a white coat, pushed back the curtain and Bucky stood reflexively, dropping your hand in the process. He turned back and saw your face fall before crossing your arms over your chest and looking away from him.

“Sergeant Barnes,” the doctor addressed him first.

“Bucky,” he corrected without thinking and turned his body, opening up the room a bit and directing attention back to what mattered. The patient. You.

“Thank you for bringing her in,” the doctor continued, then looked back and forth between the two of you. “We’ve got it from here, if you need to-”

“He can stay,” you piped up. The doctor asked if you were sure, but you were. The doctor nodded, turning fully toward the bed and while that was Bucky’s goal, he now felt completely out of place in the tiny space.

“First things first,” the doctor started. “You and the baby are just fine, so I don’t want you worrying about that at all. Do you have a OB or a-”

Bucky stopped listening at that moment and focused on the roaring ocean in his ears. He looked to the bed where you were listening intently to what the doctor was saying, nodding and shaking your head mechanically. While he stared, you stole a glance in his direction. Your face was blank and he didn’t spend much time trying to read it.

“This sounds personal,” he said, voice flat and vibranium hand already reaching for the curtain at the end of your bed. “Take care.” Without sparing another look, Bucky walked through the busy emergency room with his left hand tucked into his front pocket, making him invisible to anyone who didn’t know he was there.

A/N: Here we go! It’s happening. I’m not sold on the way this ended but it was getting long as is and don’t worry, Bucky will have his chance to make it up to you.

Tags: @fangirl-swagg @learisa

[just-dreaming-marvel]

It’s Always Been You ~ 143

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,600ish

Summary: Surprisingly, more secrets come out. A final plan is formed.

Notes: Please read the ending note. You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time. (gifs aren’t mine)

“She’s not the only one whose kept secrets, Steve,” Natasha said, once Y/N was clearly gone. “We all have.”

“This is different,” Steve argued, mad. “This has to do with half the universe turning into dust and the man who did it. She should have told us so that we could have—“

“Done what, Steve?!” Tony retorted. “Spent the past five years planning and waiting for something to happen?! That’s not a way to live! I know that because I’ve lived that! I’ve tried to do that!” Tony took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he backed away from everyone. “I may be the only one who feels this way, but I wouldn’t change the last five years. Yes, I miss people terribly and feel the guilt of what happened constantly. But I finally have the family I’ve always longed for. I have a daughter who is my whole world, and a wife who fights for what she loves.” 

“Her telling us everything wouldn’t have changed when Scott came back or when I put the pieces together about time travel,” Tony continued. “Keeping that a secret didn’t change anything.”

“Tony’s right,” Clint spoke up. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

Tony and Clint nodded at each other. Tony knew it had to be hard for Clint to admit that, especially since he had lost his whole family. Steve clenched his jaw, frustrated.

“Steve,” Natasha called calmly, “have you ever thought about how many times you get angry at Y/N for keeping things from you?”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” Steve said.

“You freak and turn around and blame everything on her. Maybe she doesn’t tell you things because she knows that you won’t react in the best way. And you doubt her, so much.”

“How is this now about me?”

“I’m sorry, isn’t everything?” Tony retorted. The two men glared at each other in silence for a moment, the tension getting thick. “I’m going to go check on my wife.”

~~~

“Hey Pepper,” Y/N greeted, video calling her friend. 

“Hey Y/N,” Pepper replied. 

“Is Morgan up?”

“I’m sorry, I put her to bed already.”

“That’s okay.”

“Is something wrong though? You seem a little down.”

“I just… can you poke me in there for a second? I just need to see her.”

“Of course.” Pepper began heading to Morgan’s room. “She really misses you guys.”

“We miss her too.”

Pepper quietly opened Morgan’s door and reached her hand in so that Y/N could see the little girl on the phone. Morgan was sound asleep, clinging onto the Iron Man stuffy that Tony had bought her. Y/N’s eyes slowly filled with tears as she longed to hold her child.

“Thank you, Pep,” Y/N said softly. 

“Of course,” the woman replied.

“Tell her we’ll call her tomorrow. And that we love her.”

“Y/N, what’s up?”

“This is all just getting more real. And I don’t want something to happen with Morgan knowing her parents love her.”

“Nothing’s going to happen. You and Tony are going to be fine.”

Y/N gave her friend a tight lipped smile, clearly not believable. “Thanks for taking care of her for us, Pep. Good night.”

Y/N sighed after hanging up, leaning back against the headboard. She closed her eyes and sucked in her lips. She had never missed her abilities more in the last five years, then at this very moment. She wished she could simply portal herself home, to hold her child. But Y/N couldn’t, and she knew she needed to stay at the compound and finish out the mission. No matter the cost.

“Are you okay?” Tony’s voice was quiet as he leaned in the doorway, worried eyes raking over his wife.

“I’m fine,” she answered, not bothering to open her eyes.

Tony sighed before he walked over and sat himself on the bed. He made sure he wasn’t touching her, not wanting to press. “I let Steve have it after you left. It wasn’t right for him to do that. Red even had my back.” Y/N didn’t respond. “Honey… I’m sorry.” He set a comforting hand on her leg. “I know that I’ve pushed you in the past for not saying anything. But I’m beginning to see the weight that the Stones have placed on you. I’m so sorry.”

“He will never understand,” Y/N breathed out quietly. “He hasn’t been able to since he came out of the ice… I lived 5 years with believing he was dead. I changed in that time and he has never been able to accept that… but doesn’t make it hurt any less. He’s still my twin…” Y/N finally opened her eyes and met Tony’s. She reached out and took his hand from her leg. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For standing with me.”

“I made vows to do so. I never intend on breaking them.” 

She pulled him closer to her. She wrapped herself around him, earning a light chuckle. 

“Can we stay like this the rest of the night?” She whispered.

“Of course,” Tony answered, kissing her hairline. “We can stay like this as long as you like.”

~~~

In the morning, the couple ate breakfast in bed before venturing out to face the rest of the group. Everyone was seemingly trying to act normal, but Steve. Every time he glanced Y/N’s way, it was harsh. Cold and unforgiving. Tony kept himself at Y/N’s side as the group began going over the Tesseract.

“Our first major run in with the Tesseract, or Space Stone, was back in the 40’s,” Steve explained. He was standing in front of everyone, pictures, videos and information were playing on the screens behind him. “HYDRA’s then leader, Red Skull, was using it to create mass energy weapons. Y/N and I were on Red Skull’s plane when it took off to bomb major cities around the world.” Steve looked at Y/N. “Would you like to tell the rest of it?”

She pursed her lips, trying to keep her emotions in check. “Sure.” She stood up and went to the front of the room. “As Steve said, we were in the ship. I was trying to get to the controls and the Tesseract, when it could knocked loose. It portaled Red Skull away. I…” Y/N paused with a sigh. She hadn’t recounted this story since she woke up. “I grabbed the cube as it fell, burning my hand. Dropping it, it burned a hole in the floor causing both myself and the cube to fall. I grabbed onto it as a fell…” Y/N looked down at her scarred hand, rubbing it nervously. “Howard Stark later found it in his search for Steve and I.”

“After that, it was in SHIELD’s hands,” Y/N continued. “And, from what Carol has added to the record, a scientist who was trying to save the Skrull species. From their Fury began tests on it and began making weapons of his own. That’s how the Battle of New York started… Being control by the Mind Stone himself, Loki came and took the Tesseract. He used it to open a giant portal, letting the Chitauri army through.” 

More video footage began being played of that day behind her. The all watched, with those who were there remembering the day like it was yesterday.

“How long did you fight these guys?” Rocket asked.

“About, uh, two or three hours,” Natasha responded. She looked at Tony who nodded along in agreement.

“The Chitauri are the suckiest army in the galaxy. Why didn’t you just blow up the mothership?”

“We didn’t know that was a thing,” Steve said.

“You didn’t know that was a thing?” Rocket laughed. Tony stood up from his seat, shaver in hand. (He was shaving as he was listening.) He went up behind Rocket and shaved some of his hair on top of his head. “Everyone knows— Hey!”

“There we go,” Tony said. “All better.”

“Tony was the one to send the missile up through the portal, successfully destroying the mother ship,” Y/N explained. “I closed the portal.” She looked at Tony, who met her eyes. “Luckily, we all came out of it alive.”

“Not all of us,” Clint commented. “We lost a good one that day. Phil Coulson.”

“Yeah… about that… Fury actually brought him back to life.”

“What?!” Natasha, Clint, Thor, and Steve exclaimed. The four quickly noticed at Bruce and Tony weren’t phased.

“Did you two know about this?” Natasha asked.

“Yes,” Bruce answered, “but only because it was vital. We were helping Skye—“

“Daisy,” Tony and Y/N corrected together.

“—and Y/N with their new found powers. Phil was a big part in that.”

“Those missions… that base you would talk about… SHIELD suddenly resurfacing,” Steve mumbled, putting the pieces together. “You leaving to save your Team… You kept SHIELD and Coulson alive, right under our noses.”

“Again, I was only doing what was right,” Y/N defended herself. “We saved the world countless more times than anyone even realized, including the other heroes in this room…. Coulson’s team is the reason we found Loki’s scepter. And in Sokovia, the helicarrier Fury brought was from Coulson. He had found it and patched it back together.”

“Sif,” Thor whispered. “She was so very vague about the two times she was down here.”

“She was keeping the secret. If people knew that Coulson was alive, it would have changed the game.”

“How did he survive?” Natasha asked.

“It was called the TAHITI Program. Fury directed Coulson to head it. It was meant for a fall of an Avenger. To bring them back if anything were to happen in battle. After years of trials, it was disbanded. The side affects were awful… but then Coulson died. And Fury couldn’t accept that.”

“Who else knew?” Steve asked.

“Besides Fury, Tony, Bruce, Sif, and myself,  Maria Hill, our SHIELD teams, and many government officials worldwide. Including President Ellis.”

Steve scoffed. “All the secrets,” he muttered, shaking his head. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“Where is Phil now?” Natasha asked. “Did he survive?”

“He died right before the Blip,” Y/N answered. “Complications from the TAHITI Program and other things that had happened… Please don’t be angry. I understand that it seems like I’ve kept some big things from everyone. But you have to try and understand it from my point of view.”

Everyone was silent, not knowing what to say. Y/N stood in the front of the room, preparing for the attack on her. But it never came. Steve stormed out and the others from the original team followed, including Tony and Bruce. Y/N closed her eyes, trying to keep herself calm.

“I know that I’m new here and don’t know much,” Scott said, standing up to go to Y/N. “But I know that you have a good heart. And that you were only trying to protect everyone.”

She looked at him with a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, Scott.”

~~~

“It’s just one thing after another with her!” Steve exclaimed. “Is everything a lie? It’s like I don’t even know who she is anymore!”

“Steve, I think we need to stay calm and look at this from her said,” Natasha said. “She has been trying to protect everyone, except herself. The whole time she was going from fight to fight without much of a break.”

“It’s true,” Tony agreed. “I personally witnessed the wear and tear it did to her.”

“When she got shot after SHIELD fell, was that because of Coulson?” Steve asked, marching up to Tony.

“It wasn’t because of Coulson. It was because someone on her team ended up being HYDRA.”

Steve ran a hand down her face. “I don’t know where the lies stop and the truth begins.”

“She never actually lied to you,” Natasha brought up. “She told you what she could and kept the rest to herself. To protect everyone.”

“She still should have told us about Coulson,” Clint spoke up. “He was important to all of us.”

“Coulson and Fury specifically instructed her that the team not know,” Tony explained. “She actually got in trouble for telling me and Bruce.”

“But again we had to know,” Bruce said. “Y/N and Skye—“

“Daisy.”

“—had suddenly gained powers. If anyone was going to be able to help them, it was going to be us.”

“I need some time to think,” Steve said, walking away.

“We really shouldn’t be focusing on this right now,” Bruce sighed, shaking his head. “We should be focusing on the Stones. What Y/N kept from us is not the priority.”

“As long as she tells us any other information that could be of use to us,” Natasha said. 

“She will,” Tony promised.

“I can’t imagine she’s taking this well,” Clint mentioned.

“She’s not really showing very much, trying to keep it all in. But I don’t blame her. Steve’s been going after her since he got out of the ice.”

“It’s hurting both of them,” Natasha said. “It’s like they want it to be how is was before the ice. Yet, they both have changed.”

“I don’t think Steve’s willing to see it the most,” Bruce added. “It’s going to tear them apart when we need them to work together the most right now.”

“Together, they can be one of the best teams.”

Tony sighed. “Let’s finish getting the information on the Stones. Then we can worry about the rest of it.”

~~~

They all gathered back together to go over more about the Stones. They finished all the new on the Tesseract and Space Stone before moving to the Mind Stone. It was hard to talk about that one, since Vision was a big part of it.

“Where’s Vision now?” Scott asked.

“We brought him back to the Compound, but the Accords and his own will forced us to give his body to an organization called SWORD,” Natasha explained. “They were forced to dismantle him because of the Accords.”

“We were too late in getting him to Wakanda,” Bruce explained. “So there was no way to bring him back without the Stone.”

“Hopefully that the only permanent casualty we take from all this,” Tony commented, bringing Y/N closer to his side.

“That wasn’t the only life lost,” Nebula said. “My sister, Gamora, she died too.”

They took on the Soul Stone next. There was very little information on it besides what Y/N and Nebula knew.

“Thanos found the Soul Stone on Vormir,” Nebula explained.

“What is Vormir?” Natasha asked, taking notes.

“A dominion of death, at the very center of Celestial existence. It’s where… Thanos murdered my sister.”

Everyone sat there awkwardly, and saddened. Not knowing what to say or do.

“Not it,” Scott said, breaking the awkward silence.

“Y/N,” Steve called, in this stern Captain voice. “Do you know anything about the Soul Stone that could possibly help us?”

“I know that it is a very power Stone in its own right. With it I was able to conjure the spiritual representation of those who are dead.”

“What?” A few gasped. Tony reached over and grabbed her hand.

“I saw…” She paused, swallowing her emotions down. “I saw my unborn son, AJ, my parents, and Phil Coulson.”

“Our parents?” Steve questioned. Y/N responded with a simple nod. “How could you not tell me?”

“At the time we weren’t talking, and it never came up later.”

“I can’t—“

“Guys,” Natasha stood up in the middle, placing herself between the siblings. “Stop fighting. We have something bigger we need to focus on, and if you can’t see that you both can leave.”

“I’m not the one with the problem,” Steve growled.

Holding the tip of her tongue between her teeth, she silently watched Steve. She was trying to put her thoughts together when Tony decided to speak up.

“Seriously, Rogers, cut the bullshit,” Tony said. “I get you’re probably hurt that she never told you anything. But that doesn’t give you the right to make her your personal emotional punching bag. Crap happened and she didn’t tell you, but she’s telling you now.”

“You know…” Y/N began slowly. “I miss the days when it was you, Bucky, and I against the world. Just like you do. The days you trusted me and didn’t doubt me, no matter what… you blame this all on me, Steve? Fine! But communication is a two way street. Just remember that. I’m not the only one that’s kept secrets. Like the one about Howard and Bucky.” That left Steve silent. “I’ll be in the other room, trying to put a plan together if anyone needs me.” She left.

“Go work out some energy, Steve,” Natasha suggested. “We’ll take it from here.”

~~~

Tony found Y/N laying on a table with FRIDAY talking to her about the Time Stone.

“Mute,” Tony ordered, coming into the room.

“If you’re here to talk about Steve, I’m not listening,” Y/N responded, looking at the ceiling.

“I figured. That’s why I came to join you and help.” Tony leaned over Y/N and gently kissed her.

“Uh, guys,” Bruce broke in before the couple could get heated. They turned to see Bruce and Nat standing in the doorway. “We just came to see if you needed any help. Everyone else needed a break.”

“Help would be great,” Y/N responded.

Tony crawled up onto the table, sitting by Y/N, while Y/N sat up. Bruce and Nat came in further and the four of them began going through everything they knew about the Time Stone and trying to form the most logical plan to collect the Stones. After of few hours of nothing coming together, Tony and Y/N were back laying on the table. Bruce was laying on the floor with Natasha leaned up against him.

“That Time Stone guy…” Natasha began again.

“Doctor Strange,” Bruce corrected.

“Yeah, what kind of doctor was he?”

“Ear-nose-throat meets rabbit from a hat,” Tony answered, spinning his glasses in one hand while rubbing his eyes.

“Something neuro,” Y/N clarified.

“Nice place in the village, though,” Bruce added.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed. “Sullivan Street.”

“Hmmm… Bleecker.”

“Wait, he lived in New York?” Natasha wondered.

“No. He lived in Toronto,” Tony scoffed. “Were you even paying attention?”

“Guys, if you pick the right year, there are three Stones in New York.”

Bruce sat up in surprise saying, “Shut the front door.”

~~~

The team was quickly gathered and Y/N explained the best points for them to go.

“Okay, we will retrieve the Soul and Power Stones in space 2014; the Reality Stone on Asgard in 2013; and the Space, Mind, and Time Stones in New York City in 2012,” she told them, pulling the information up on the screens. 

“Now all we need are to assign the teams,” Tony stated. 

“I’ve sketched out a plan and would like to get everyone’s opinions.” 

They all glanced Steve’s way, waiting for the Captain to say something. He simply glared, arms crossed over his chest.

“Shoot,” Clint encouraged, when Steve didn’t speak up.

“So, due to certain knowledge of events, I believe that we need to try and stick to our own timelines, even though it could be dangerous,” Y/N explained. “We know our own timelines best. Where to avoid, where the Stones would be found, all that jazz. With that in mind, I was thinking Thor would go to Asgard, Rocket and Nebula would go to space, and the rest of us would go to New York.”

“The teams need to be evened out,” Steve spoke up, not impressed.

“I was just getting to that. I was going to see if anyone was going to volunteer to retrieve any of the Stones. I believe we need at least two people on each mission. And remember, the space mission is actually two separate missions.”

“I’ll go with Thor,” Rocket offered. “I think I could probably help the best there.”

“Thank you Rocket.”

“I can go with Nebula,” Rhodey said. “I’m not familiar with any of the spots, so I might as well.” Y/N nodded in agreement, making a note of it.”

“I should stay in 2012,” Tony said. “Being back in the Tower, I might have to break into JARVIS.”

“Agreed,” Y/N.

“I’ll stay in 2012 as well,” Steve said. “I also think Scott could be a good asset with us as well.”

“Sounds great,” Scott nodded along.

“Bruce, I was thinking that you and I could go and speak to the Ancient One and get the Time Stone,” Y/N suggested. “I have a feeling it will take some convincing to take the Stone from her.”

“Okay,” Bruce agreed.

“That leaves Clint and Natasha. Since you guys are a good team, how do you feel about hitting up Vormir for the Soul Stone?”

The two looked at each other and nodded, before looking back at Y/N.

“We can do that,” Clint said.

“Awesome,” Y/N responded. “Now we just need specifics for each mission. Break off into teams and use the information to create a specific plan.”

Everyone split off and created plans for their team. Coming back together, each plan was explained.

“Alright,” Steve claimed the attention once the final plan was laid out, “we have a plan. Six Stones, three teams. One shot. Take the night to get things together and rest, we’ll meet up and head out in the morning.”

next chapter >

I know that this fighting and secrets thing is probably annoying, but I promise there is a point to it. Please be patient with me. Thank you.

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[marvelship-oneshots]

SOULMATES (STUCKONY) [part 1 of 2]

Soulmate AU where people are not necessarily their soulmate's soulmate [1.7k words]

Soulmates existed, whether people believed it or not. Having a soulmate was something crazy. It could be the person you loved or the person you heated. One never knew who their soulmate was, they revealed themselves in the most unique way, most of the time in the least appropriate of times. One could be married, thinking that their spouse was in truth their soulmate, and then, out of the blue, their real soulmate just appeared. The other problem with soulmates was that it was possible, rare but possible, that one soulmate had another soulmate. That was the case for Tony, Steve and Bucky.

Bucky knew who his soulmate was since he was a kid. Steve was his soulmate. Steve was his best friend, they grew up in the same building. He was 14 when he understood that his fragile best friend was his soulmate. One day, Steve touched his forearm and left a light red handprint. That was how he knew it. Bucky had loved Steve since then. One they turned 16, he told Steve, who was surprisingly on board with them being together, despite the time they lived in. On the other hand, Steve didn't know who his soulmate was. He had told Bucky that he was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together and when Bucky asked him where his handprint was, he had told him that, for him, it manifested in another way. He didn't have the courage to tell him the truth, that he didn't have a handprint, nor any other signs that Bucky was his soulmate. Steve knew it would break his heart and Bucky didn't deserve it. Bucky might not have been his soulmate, but Steve loved him anyway. Then the war happened, they both enlisted, Bucky left for war and Steve became Captain America. They were separated and then they met again. Steve tried his best to find a sign, a tiny mark, a sound, whatever would tell him that Bucky was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together. Then Bucky died and Steve thought that that was the reason why Bucky couldn't be his soulmate. If Bucky was dead that young, he couldn't be anyone's soulmate, right? Steve convinced himself that Peggy was his soulmate.he liked her, but she was no Bucky. She was pretty great, a beautiful, badass woman, but what he felt for her was nothing like what he felt for Bucky. He had a chance, on that plane. Stay and keep pretending that Peggy could be his mate for life, or die. He didn't want to live in a world without his Bucky, not if he didn't even have a soulmate. And so, he decided to go down with the plane and the bomb. He couldn't feel the pain for Bucky's death if he himself was dead as well.

Except, he was not dead. Somehow, the super serum and the ice preserved his body. He woke up in an era that wasn't his, everything he knew was gone. His family, his companions, his friends, his Bucky were gone. Peggy as well wasn't there anymore. Even his Brooklyn, the Brooklyn where he grew up, was now foreign soil. He was forced to build a life in a new century. And then is when Steve met Tony. He thought Tony would be much more like Howard but in truth they couldn't be any more different. Thank goodness, if you ask Tony. Truth to be told, Steve didn't really like Tony when they first met and neither did Tony. Steve and his extreme righteousness drove Tony crazy. On the other hand, Tony's sarcastic, witty comments, made Steve insufferable. So there they were, in the middle of a crisis, fighting over dumb stuff. But that was just Steve trying to flirt. Bucky was the flirty one, not him. He never even had the reason to be flirty with anyone, so he didn't know how. He didn't know why he wanted to flirt with Tony, he absolutely couldn't stand him, but something attracted him to the billionaire like a magnet. After the alien situation -he fought aliens, how crazy is that?- he tried to ignore the obvious connection between him and Tony, but it was like the whole world was trying to push them together.

In a week they would meet at least  twice at the SHIELD facilities. The third week, Steve finally found the courage to ask him out. He didn't see it as a date date, he just meant for it to be a nice dinner with a friend. For Tony, it was a romantic date. Although Steve didn't expect it, it was nice spending time with Tony in a romantic way. When he was alone, Tony was actually nice and Steve was sure that he could have liked him in a romantic way. Their date ended with them, sweaty, in Tony's bed, barely covered by Tony's silky sheet. A few days passed before Steve noticed Tony's red handprint on his hip, right above his pelvis. That was the same handprint that Bucky had on his forearm many, many years before. That could only mean that Tony was his soulmate and that there was no doubt that he made Bucky live a lie. His love for Bucky was not a lie though.

Tony didn't have a soulmate. Until then, he had never experienced an unnatural attraction for someone. He liked Steve more than he had ever liked anyone else, but there was something about him that didn't sit right with Tony. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that Steve was in fact not his soulmate, unfortunately. But he ignored that. He was happy, they were happy and it didn't matter. It didn't matter until he actually met his soulmate.

Under Hydra, Bucky was rarely himself, but those few times he was himself, the only thing that got him going was Steve's handprint on his forearm. As far as he knew, Steve was dead. Or that was what he hoped. Immortality was good only on paper and didn't really want Steve to live such a life, seeing everyone of his friends dying. But Steve was not dead, and they eventually met again and Bucky realised that he knew the man. They were on the helicarrier, Steve's face was bruised and Bucky was so close to kill him and complete the mission. "You know me" "No, I don't" Bucky said, lashing out at Steve in anger. "Bucky, you've know me your whole life" Bucky hit Steve but Steve didn't fight back. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes" He hit the Captain again. "Shut up" There were things in his head that didn't make sense. Noises, thoughts. Steve took off his mask, showing his face and let his shield fall from the plane. "I'm not gonna fight you. You're my friend" Steve fell on the ground with Bucky over him. "You're my mission" he punched Steve in the face "You're my mission!" Bucky was trying to convince himself of that. He was confused. Something about Steve was familiar but he had a job to finish. Killing Steve was his mission, just like many others before. "Then finish it-  Bucky stopped his fist midair- cause I'm with you to the end of the line" Bucky's confusion was now showing on his face. He moved himself from Steve, sitting next to him, looking at nothing. Voices and images were floating in his head. There was a fragile kid picking fights in Brooklyn and then there was Captain America on the train the day Bucky supposedly died. Steve sat up, looking at Bucky. He carefully moved closer to him. "Bucky, I know you're there, somewhere inside. It's me, Steve" Steve took his arm,slowly rolling up the sleeve, showing his red handprint. He put his hand on the mark. "See? It's me. Remember?" Bucky opened his mouth to talk, but they both got distracted by the sound of the glass floor cracking. Before they could realise, the glass  broke under their feet and they fell in the water. Steve didn't have the strength to swim and he really thought that that was it, he was going to die. He woke up on the shore, feeling a fresh breeze on his face. Bucky was gently stroking his hair,  as he used to do whenever Steve got sick in the 40s. "Buck" Steve whispered. "Steve? Stevie you alright?" Bucky caressed his cheek. Steve put a hand over his. He slowly sat up, looking at Bucky. He had dreamt about that moment when they would meet again, but it was definitely not like that. "You're here, you're alive" Bucky nodded, bringing their foreheads together. He hesitated before kissing Steve, pushing him back on the ground. He kneeled over him,putting Steve in between his legs as he started helping Steve out of his uniform. Steve let him do, knowing how long he had probably wanted to do it. Steve wanted it too, he missed Bucky and still loved him the same way as when they were 16, but something didn't feel right. The chemistry was there, but something was off. Steve felt guilty, he was not technically cheating on Tony, they didn't clear their relationship yet, but he felt like something was missing. Bucky's kisses were good, he loved feeling his hands all over his body. There wasn't anything wrong with what they were doing, they were never technically broken up and Steve still went on with his life as if they were. But to Steve's defense, Bucky was dead, he saw him fall from that train, there was no way he could have known that Bucky survived. Bucky got rid of the upper part of the uniform and started moving towards the pants, leaving small wet kisses on Steve's abs. He stopped when he saw the handprint. Bucky put his hand on it, noticing that it was much smaller than his. He looked at Steve and then at the mark again. "It's not mine" Bucky said, disappointed." That's not my handprint" Bucky got up and sat a few steps away. Steve followed him, throwing on the t-shirt that was laying on the ground. "Tell me it's not how I think it is" he said, with a

tear rolling down his cheek. " Steve sighed, looking down. "Why did you lie to me? Why did you tell me that I was your soulmate?" Steve took Bucky's hand. "This- he pointed at the handprint- is the only thing that kept me from killing myself when Hydra was not only mind, and now you tell me I'm not and never was your soulmate?" Bucky turned away.  "Buck-" "Whose is it?" he asked, not being able to look at Steve in the eyes. "Tony Stark" Steve replied, sighing. "Howard's son?" Bucky asked, looking up with a look of terror mixed with tears in his eyes. Steve nodded. "What's wrong Buck?" Despite being mad at him, Bucky threw himself at Steve,who, surprised, fell back on the ground, with his best friend in his arms. "I killed them." He said in between tears "The winter soldier killed them" Steve felt a sensation in his stomach.  Bucky didn't say who,but he had the sensation that he was talking about Howard and Maria Stark.

[squishneedsahero]

Oh Yeah, I Remember Now

It’s Who I Am Part 4

Word Count: 2555

Warning: I didn’t go into much detail but there is mentions of abuse and other things which the reader went through during their time with HYDRA

How would The Falcon and The Winter Soldier have played out if you, the younger daughter of Howard Stark got involved? You had been kidnapped by HYDRA at a young age, your mind taken from you as they forced you to work towards creating new weapons for them and when HYDRA had fallen you had gotten free with your scattered memories for you to slowly piece together.

You'd had a relatively good childhood, sure your father was a dirtbag to both you and Tony but your mom was good. She tried to protect the both of you, Tony had done his best to protect you as well. But you'd always lived in their shadow. It was always, "oh you're Howard's daughter? I didn't know he had a daughter," or "aww what a cutie, you must help your mom take such god care of your father and brother." All of this made you sick. None of it was Tony's fault it was all misogyny and your father's sexism.

The next thing you remember is a science fair. It's third grade and you've made a tiny drone, which you can fly around and take pictures with. You were so excited to show everyone, to show your dad that you could be an engineer as well, but only your mother and Tony came. They tried to encourage you but you didn't say anything, it isn't until you get home and you're lying in bed that you cry. You're good at keeping your crying quiet, quiet enough that no one would know you had spent the night crying and when you got up in the morning the tears were gone.

Then you're at boarding school, somewhere they could teach you to be a proper 13 year old girl. One night sticks out above the rest, the dorms caught fire everyone was getting out. You tripped as you tried to get out of bed and then when you tried to get up a cold metal hand covered your mouth and someone picked you up, throwing you over their shoulder, you feel something prick your arm as you begin to kick and scream, and then things go dark.

You're in a small cell with grey walls and grey floors. You're 15 as you're sitting there, refusing to cooperate with HYDRA's current plan, the door slams open and in walks one of the nameless agents. They show you a newspaper, the headline announcing that your parents had died in a car crash, they then show you other photos, and tell you how they had had them killed by the Winter Soldier. From there they go into great detail on the fact that if you didn't begin cooperating they would bring your brother to be the next one they make you torture.

From there things get especially messy in your mind. Some days remembering your past and other days not. Some days you're the one doing the torturing and other days the one being tortured. HYDRA had forced you to commit many atrocities in their name, so many you couldn't begin to count. There were the times where you were the one who was in charge of resetting Bucky's mind, wiping it and preparing him for a mission. There were other times when you were difficult and they had the winter soldier beat you into submission.

There was one day, one day during which nearly all of HYDRA's agents disappeared and never came back. You were locked in your tiny cell, you don't know how long you were there on your own, hunger clawing at your stomach and dehydration quickly becoming an issue. You don't remember how but you got out and escaped.

It's who knows how many months later that you become aware of anything again. You're lying in some alleyway somewhere and have none of your memories. You find your way to a library, feeling safe there, from there you begin to figure out how exactly the world works and how you can survive.

It's another few years after that, having short term memory loss and being slow to pick up on anything. It is at this point where you've some how ended up in NYC and as you're walking down the street that you bump into Tony. You don't recognize him but he recognizes you. It happens quickly, he gets a DNA test to be sure but soon you're living with him and have some of your life together but still no memories. It's during this time that you meet a few other people, but thanks to Tony they keep the fact that you're still alive quiet, not wanting to overwhelm you with his life when you barely have yours together.

After that you're sitting in the Avenger's compound with Rhodey when something happens and people you haven't meet before show up. First it's just one guy named Bruce, then a group of people Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Vision and Sam. That was the first time you had met Sam, though you hadn't spoken to him. From there you all go to Wakanda, try to save Vision, apparently cross paths with Bucky, fail to save Vision, fight some aliens in one of Tony's suits, punch a giant purple dude in the face a few times then ultimately get turned to dust with a few billion other people on the planet.

Then you find yourself lying on the ground in the jungle of Wakanda with half of the people you'd been fighting Thanos with. Some sort of portals open up in front of all of you and you fight even more aliens. You pass by Tony at some point and give him a quick hug in the middle of all of it, despite not having memories you still knew you cared deeply for him and was one of the few people you felt safe when you were with. Then as soon as your world had come together, it falls apart again, Tony had sacrificed himself to save the rest of you.It is when you're at his funeral that things begin to set in for you, your brother is gone, you're once again alone in the world... except you weren't. Tony had a wife and a daughter, Pepper and Morgan, it didn't take much for them to take you in and act as though you had always been part of their family.

It's in the six months following that when you create your own suit, and somewhat get yourself together. At least you have it together enough that your memory of that time is pretty solid even if your mind felt scattered. It is after those six months of relative peace and calm that brings you to the present. Where you had met up with Sam and Bucky on accident and teamed up with them to figure out this problem.

There is a knock on the door you have your back too, and it shakes out of the state you are in. "Hey, y/n," it's Sam, "are you alright in there?"

"Uh- yeah- yeah- I'm fine." You stand up and quickly wipe the tears which had formed in your eyes before opening the door. "Hey," you can see the concern in Sam's eyes, "I'm fine, just needed a minute," you pause before changing the subject, "so what's the plan?"

"Sharon is going to be hosting some people here and will ask around to see if anyone knows where we can find Naegele," Sam explains, "so we can join the party and just have to blend in with the crowd."

"Sounds good," you look down at your dress that has some blood splattered on it then look back at Sam, "you think she has a different dress I can wear?"

"Probably, we can go ask her."

You let Sam lead the way back to the other room, where you give Zemo a death glare before asking Sharon, "hey, you have a dress I could borrow? I don't think blood will blend well."

"Sure," she goes over to a closet and gets out a dress which she hands to you, "here, put this on, I'm going to get headed down to begin letting the guests in."

You nod and take the dress, going to change quickly before coming back out, where you're greeted by Sam and Bucky telling you Zemo had gone with Sharon. "Can I help you?" you ask with more than a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

Bucky doesn't hesitate, "what happened?"

You raise an eyebrow at him and pause for a moment before say, "shit. Shit happened, and I... remembered." You shake your head a bit, "before you ask, no I don't want to talk about it. It's a lot, it's fucked up and it's a lot but like, I can get drunk so I'm going to go do that downstairs right now then drunk cry it out so I'm good to go tomorrow."

You admitting that you remembered has Bucky feeling uncomfortable because you were right it was fucked up and he had been involved in it.

"Y/n, getting drunk it's going to help," Sam says.

You sigh and look at Sam, "I know that but I'm going to do it anyways because at the moment I don't want to deal with it. Plus I don't think I've ever gotten drunk before so it won't take much to do so I'll be good to go in the morning."

"It's still a bad idea," Sam says but isn't going to argue further since you're obviously set on this plan.

You go through with your plan, and you were right about it not taking much for you to get drunk, but its enough that you don't have to think about life for a few hours. Then in the morning you wake up hungover, but with enough time to mostly recover by the time it's time to go find Naegele. You get dressed in in your 'suit' of leggings and a shirt before heading out with the other four to find Naegele.

You go with them down to the docks, where they keep all the shipping containers. Sharon leads all of you right up to the one he is supposed to be in. You let the boys go in and you stay out with Sharon, mostly to make sure Naegele doesn't make a run for it but it ends up being pretty convenient for fighting some of the guys the power broker sent to stop all of you from getting to Naegele.

It is with ease that you take them down, discovering that the reason you hadn't been great at fighting before was because of HYDRA wiping your mind. They took the methods you picked up over time from your mind, making it nearly impossible to improve even if you instinctively knew what to do. There is a lull in the fighting, during which you and Sharon slip into the shipping container and go to the back and into the secret are to find the others.

The two of you barely make it into the room when a gunshot goes off, Zemo killing Naegele right there. You only have a chance to shout, "what the hell?!" Before the box around you explodes.

You tuck and roll, escaping the flames and second rocket fired at the shipping crates. You don't know if anyone else made it out but for now you just need to make sure all of you will survive past this point. Your suit had protected you well, and you were thankful since you'd learned the evening before that you weren't at all enhanced but just had an unusually high pain tolerance. It doesn't take you long to spot one of the people who were after you and you focus in on them, one thing you could control. You could control that they were kept busy fighting you and you could control where they were so the others could get out.

As you throw yourself at the man in front of you, you hear gunshots and you're thankful. That means the others made it out of that explosion. You don't want to kill anyone, you had come close when Zemo had activated whatever it was HYDRA had put in your head, but you'd done enough killing in your life. You just needed to incapacitate them, and you do. It's just a matter of hitting a few pressure points and he should stay down for a few hours at least.

From there you move onto the one other person you can see but you are beat to them by Sam. You jog up to him now that things had calmed down a little and see Sharon and Bucky, leaving Zemo as the only one unaccounted for. "Hey, did we get them all?"

"Seems like it," Sharon responds.

Sam looks at her, "come with us."

Sharon shakes her head, "just get me that pardon you promised."

Sam nods once then looks at Bucky, about to say something only to be interrupted by Zemo pulling up in a car. "Shall we?"

You get in the car without hesitating, taking the seat behind Zemo so you can keep an eye on him. Bucky claims the front seat and Sam gets in behind him, saying something about him not moving the seat up. Then you're off, leaving to get back on Zemo's plane and head to the location they had gotten from Naegele.

When all of you are on the plane there is a short conversation as you go over the plan. Then silence falls over all of you, not a nice silence but an awkward silence and you can feel their eyes on you. You finally decide to break the silence and look at Bucky, "hey, I should apologize for all the shit HYDRA made me do to you, so... sorry," you frown and shrug a bit in an attempt to play it off like no big deal as it's always awkward to experience emotions with other people around.

Bucky just shrugs a bit, "it's alright, not exactly your fault. Sorry for kidnapping you."

You don't know why but you laugh. Maybe because it's so ridiculous but you shut up as quickly as you can and shake your head, "it's alright, not exactly your fault either."

"Having less of a memory problem I see," Zemo cuts in on the slight moment the two of you are having.

Your head snaps around to look at him, "you're on thin ice, so tread lightly, or I'll make you wish you'd died in that explosion back there."

Zemo laughs, "ah, there is the Stark attitude that HYDRA had so much trouble controlling." He presses his fingertips together and relaxes in his seat before continuing, "HYDRA was only able to get Lemonade to stick in your mind. It was in case you needed to protect one of the agents from a monster you had created. They had to manually mess with your memory thanks to you being so stubborn, as they couldn't seem to break you."

You can't help but feel a little nauseous as he speaks but you know he's telling the truth. "Yeah, and you better not use it again though I'm pretty sure I broke it last night." Then you look at Sam, "in the case that I didn't break the programming I have weak knees if you hit them from behind and a peanut allergy, knock me out if needed I shouldn't die."

You don't get a response to that but you felt better knowing they could easily stop you if Zemo pulled anything. But that was it and with that you were able relax for the rest of the flight.

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

I think I shall now promote my ironstrange fics.

Let It Be - While dealing with his son's car accident and a rapidly-dissolving marriage, Tony is drawn to Peter's surgeon, Dr. Stephen Strange. 15877 words. Teen and up.

Bonded - As a result of a spell gone wrong, Tony and Stephen form a mental link. 8552 words. Explicit.

Alone and Together - There's something weird going on with Tony and Stephen. Steve just can't figure out what. (short follow up to "Bonded") 1541 words. Teen and up.

Gold Roses - Royalty AU. Prince Stephen Strange, on the run after his home and kingdom is taken over, seeks shelter with the king Tony Stark. 15894 words. Explicit.

Kinktober 2018: Ironstrange Fics - 31 Days of slutty ironstrange for Kinktober. 32165 words. Explicit.

Thanksgiving in Hell, Nebraska - Tony and Stephen join the Strange family for Thanksgiving. It . . . doesn't go well. 3808 words. Teen and up.

From The Top - “Stephen, if you’re . . . there somewhere . . . when I drift off, I’ll be with you again. I can’t wait.” || Personally, I think the MCU would be much better as a love story between Stephen Strange and Tony Stark. Don't you?Starting from Iron Man, and going all the way to Endgame, with all the appropriate stops in between. Let's take it from the top. 154561 words. Mature.

Celebration - Tony and Stephen celebrate their engagement. Privately. In bed. 1086 words. Explicit.

How Can I Repay You? - Stephen has a fantasy. Tony wants to fulfill it. 1335 words. Explicit.

So What If We Grow Old Together? - Tony is insecure about his age after Stephen returns from the Snap and no longer seems attracted to him. Stephen sets it right. 1239 words. Mature.

From the Top: Spider-Man: Far From Home - Eight months ago, Tony Stark brought half the universe back from the Snap. Now, while he's taking a much-needed vacation with his husband, Peter has a whole new set of problems to deal with. Namely, going on vacation, recovering from his death, elemental monsters, betrayal, and telling MJ he likes her. It's looking to be a long summer. 11348 words. Teen and up.

Don’t Lift The Veil - A thousand years in the future, Stephen is Sorcerer Supreme, but his husband Tony Stark is dead. One of the sorcerers gets the idea to summon his spirit, but it doesn't quite work out. 1689 words. Teen and up.

. . . To The Very End - Tony dies of old age, and Stephen must go on. 1514 words. Teen and up.

“We Adopt Six Cats” - Tony and Stephen have a Youtube channel, so obviously when they adopt a cat(s) they’re gonna vlog about it. 472 words. Gen.

Dreamt by the Stars - Tony didn't dare look at it. He still didn't know what the thing wanted from him. His father, Howard, had traded him to the monster in exchange for peace, to stop the raids on their mines and towns and castles. It was a smart choice, Tony knew. The only way to ensure the safety of their people. Knowing that did not stop his resentment, or his fear. He told himself the beast wouldn't kill him. If it wanted blood and death, it did not need to make deals. But if you listened to stories, there were worse things than death that a dragon could do. 5783 words. Mature.

Who Would Ever Dare To Love A Dragon? - He had gone to sleep and dreamed of the Omega all night, a young man with brown eyes as deep as the sky and more beautiful than the stars themselves. When he woke, the images stuck in his head, and he knew where Anthony was. It had taken far longer than he wanted to bring Tony home. There were times when he was tempted to burn the castle down and steal him away, but that wouldn’t make a good first impression. Instead, the loss of his raiding rights to Stark’s kingdom in exchange for the prince was more than a fair trade, and one he was happy to make. Because now, Anthony was finally home. || (Stephen's POV for "Dreamt by the Stars") 6466 words. Mature.

Paint It Black - In one universe, peace and stability were brought through war, bloodshed, and dark magic. Ruled by the Sorcerer Supreme and Iron Man as they raise their son, Earth-1250 has never been happier. But that's not the universe they find themselves in. 32884 words. Mature.

Begin Again - Tony suddenly finds himself thrown into the future, and struggles to adjust to the future - and a fiancé he never met. 4507 words. Teen and up.

A Strange Wedding - Sherlock's been invited to his uncle's wedding. His uncle just so happens to be Stephen Strange . . . and the man he's marrying is Tony Stark. 13442 words. Mature.

Happy Birthday Mr. Stark - Tony comes home on his birthday and finds a lovely gift . . . 2073 words. Explicit.

Synergy - Stephen Strange is obsessed with Tony Stark, who's mostly just irritated that he hasn't found a way to defeat the sorcerer . . . at first. 6684 words (in progress). Mature.