#like this is why the anne marie cover doesn't do it for me

[mayanangel]

my random weird pet peeve is when two completely normal - completely acceptable-as-a-couple - people do a cover of "rewrite the stars"... and i'm supposed to feel the same way i felt when zac efron and zendaya were singing it in the greatest showman, lol

like... the song is literally forbidden love coded 🥹

like... ACTUALLY FORBIDDEN LOVE.

difference in race-fobidden love.

difference in class and social status-forbidden love.

literally subject to prejudice from society at large-forbidden love.

so when it's just two ppl who... are normal and look good together... who i guess sing nice as well... when they're the ones singing about wishing they could change fate in order to be together, it's like...

y'all just get married, don't waste my time. there are real ppl out there who need this kind of hopeful energy, not you.

[orchideous-nox]

what kind of books/movies do you see everyone reading/watching???

I love yapping about books and films, anon, how did you know?

Okay AHHHHHHH so many thoughts. I'm going to include modern films though

Remus - I think he loves Lord of the Rings (both the films and the books) and some Greek Mythology classics like The Odyssey and The Iliad

Sirius - Boy doesn't read. What's a book? Films though, I think he likes a good action film. Maybe something like Bullet Train with some comedy in there, or like John Wicke and he spends who whole time like "Keanu looks so good in a suit, don't you think?" and stares until you agree.

James - James says that he likes films like Blade Runner, but when he's home alone he's watching Krrish. I could see him being into Star War too. In terms of books, I think he prefers non-fiction or maybe like a sci-fi book, idk too much about those.

Peter - As a kid, he was reading Goosebumps like there was no tomorrow and loved the Swiss Family Robinson. I think he'd also like Star Wars with James and maybe Indiana Jones. I could see him enjoying Stand By Me and The Goonies as well, he's be really into classic 80s movies.

Lily - Anne of Green Gables all the way. I think she got called Pippi Longstocking when she was younger and has refused to have anything to do with it since. Lily would love the tv show Anne with an E. I think she likes watching the LotR films with Remus because she loves the women but would complain that they don't have enough to do. She's also a lover of Wuthering Heights, I feel. And The Princess Bride.

Mary - OUR ROMCOM QUEEEENNN!!! Her favourites are Clueless, The Notebook, The Proposal and whenever she watches Love Actually she gets irrationally angry at Harry before he's even done anything to hurt Karen, it's just a vibe. She reads those smutty romance books with the cartoon covers, but also loves Janes Austen like Emma and Pride and Prejudice. She's also into Eve Babitz and Joan Didion I feel.

Marlene - She reads a lot of biographies and autobiographies. One time someone caught them reading Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter and they hated all men for two weeks, even James who she was normally friends with. I think films...I want to say Bend it Like Beckham but that feels so obvious. She can also recite a lot of The Devil Wears Prada but that's their girlfriend's fault. Marlene could probably be a horror film buff? That seems kinda fun.

Dorcas - Like I just mentioned, The Devil Wears Prada. I think she also likes period romances like the 2005 Pride and Prejudice and Atonement. She'll also watched Bend it Like Beckham...and there is absolutely no link between those three films that would explain why she likes them. In terms of books, I think she would enjoy some Stephen King, her and Marlene have a joint love for The Shining and Carrie.

Pandora - I've been thinking about this and I think Pandora would be a big fan of Guillermo Del Toro's film Pan's Labyrinth. Maybe also The Dark Crystal? In terms of books, I think she let Marlene borrow her copy The Bloody Chamber but she also likes Maya Angelou.

Regulus - Motherfucker is so pretentious. He is reading Russian novels and glares at anyone who calls him out for it. I think if Regulus watching films, he's watching very deep and thoughtful films, ones that either aren't particularly popular but are good for discussion. I couldn't name one though so 🙃

Barty - No.

Evan - I think he could be into horror novels or like psychological thrillers. The first one that came to mind was I'm Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid, but I think he could fuck with The Picture of Dorian Gray which doesn't fit the same vibe but it makes since to me I think. Also medical journals and books about the human body. I've said previously that I think Evan would really like films like Martyrs and The Idiots and I stand by that. Maybe also Un Chien Andalou.

Xenophilius - I mentioned earlier in this post that I think Xeno fucks with folk stories so that's what he'd be reading. Maybe like a classic dystopian such as 1984? I am struggling with films though, I genuinely have no idea.

[isfjmel-phleg]

TSG season is upon us, so I've been rereading a few things. Today I finished The Making of May by Gwyneth Rees. Maybe not Great Literature, but a lot more readable than its cover (which is more suitable for a younger reading level) would suggest.

It's not straightforwardly a retelling of The Secret Garden, but it is in conversation with that story and the heroine references it multiple times. I was trying to figure out why this worked for me, while Ann of Sunflower Lane's constant references to Anne of Green Gables came to grate on my nerves. And I think it's because instead of piggybacking on a classic and trying to fully parallel it, The Making of May *interacts* with The Secret Garden but isn't trying to replicate it on every level.

May hasn't even read TSG; her fascination with the story comes from a VHS she owns (this book was published in 2006, when VCRs were not as uncommon as they are now) of what is very obviously the 1975 BBC miniseries. She identifies a lot with Mary, although she acknowledges significant differences in their backgrounds. They are both orphans, but May points out that Mary has grown up unloved while she herself has been raised by her much-older half-brother and -sister, who are a bit in over their heads as parental substitutes but genuinely care about May and are trying their best. Note that May highlights Mary's emotional neglect rather than traditional grief; her understanding of the story comes from an adaptation that closely follows the original text, and she's even actively opposed to watching a "more modern" version (implied to be the 1993 film) that she doesn't feel is an authentic rendering of her comfort character.

Because that's how May sees Mary of the 1975 miniseries--a friend who understands her life circumstances in a way that others around her don't seem to. She rewatches the tape as often as she can, usually when she's in a low mood, and the story informs how she sees the world. It's a kind of escapism for her. She does this to a lesser extent with other films she finds interesting too, but TSG 1975 is her favorite.

Like Mary, she is given the opportunity to restore a walled garden, which she insists on calling a secret garden. But this isn't accurate; everyone on the estate knows about the garden and knows she's working in it. She is joined in this by the son of the estate's owner, and her first thought is that this is just like Mary's working with male friends. But that's where the overt comparisons stop. Alex is very different from Dickon or Colin, and his arc, while broadly similar to Colin's in that he must heal a broken relationship with his father and realize his extent of his own abilities, is significantly different. He and May investigate mysterious goings-on in the house--a locked room and a housekeeper disappearing there with a tray--which initially has a very TSG feel, but the mystery's solution is no gothic secret but a perfectly normal, mundane thing. May even expects the forbidding housekeeper to resemble Mrs. Danvers after having seen Rebecca; this isn't very grounded in reality either. Even the actual central secret of the novel has nothing to do with locked gardens or hidden rooms; it's the fact that May's brother fudged his resumé to get a gardening job on the estate.

Like Mary, May restores a garden, makes friends, plays an instrumental role in repairing a father-son relationship, and experiences physical and emotional growth. But unlike Mary, her arc involves having to learn to distinguish fiction from reality and grow past projecting onto a fictional character to cope. It's not that her engagement with TSG is an inherently bad thing, but the extent to which her relationship with it has gone is maladaptive. She has come to take the story so seriously that she can't see it as a story anymore; when she tries to show the miniseries to Alex and he finds it laughably low-budget and dated (harsh! but not inaccurate), she is as offended by his criticism as if he had spoken against her. Because the story is such a personal thing to her--and I really can't blame her, I feel the same way whenever someone is dismissive of something I care about--that her identity is bound up in it to an unhealthy extent. She needs the balance that comes with engaging with the real world and real people and getting out of her own head, and her adventures at the estate help her do just that. In some ways, the themes veer more into Northanger Abbey than The Secret Garden!

May by the end hasn't abandoned her love of the miniseries, but now instead of fixating on Mary as she is at the beginning of the story, she can see Mary's completed arc and understand the story as finished, not as perpetually ongoing in her own world. May is finally given a copy of The Secret Garden to read, but she isn't sure if she's ready to read it yet, or even if she needs to--she's about to embark on new adventures of her own, adventures that will be completely separate from Mary's.

So ultimately the book is less about recreating The Secret Garden in another setting and more about how the heroine relates to an adaptation of the story--not even the actual book, an adaptation, a constructed interpretation of the book. Which is a surprisingly fresh take and, honestly, more interesting in some ways than a straightforward adaptation because of its meta perspective. It's a story about someone's response to someone's response of a story. And in that regard, it has a lot in common with Noel Streatfeild's The Painted Garden, which concerns the filming of an adaptation of The Secret Garden in late 1940s Hollywood and features broad parallels to the original story while commenting on how the change of medium and the vision of the adapters alters the narrative and characters.

There's probably an essay to be had on the concept of how these two books interact not only with each other but with The Secret Garden and film/TV adaptations of it, both real and fictional, but for now this is long enough and I'm not writing it.

[defensivelee]

ok ok here's my detailed nsfw headcanons (or ig....canon anyway bc it's my story?? LMAO) for six lives. obvious warning for nsfw/kink but also for mentions of domestic violence and sexual abuse (of adults and minors)

-William IS asexual in the usual sense that he doesn't experience attraction, however this society doesn't... have a term for that

-ironically, he's the guy fucking the most here. he has a very unhealthy view of sex-- he thinks it's unnecessary, it's awkward, he'd prefer to avoid it altogether, but he feels that because he CAN have sex as an Overlifer... he SHOULD. something his father taught him!

-he CAN enjoy it, just for the stimulation, but even that makes him kind of ill afterwards. it's a mix of the feeling that he saw something he shouldn't have as well as his trauma from the CSA

-he likes all sorts of BDSM, it genuinely makes sex a little more fun for him bc he's actively doing smth else while fucking. he CANNOT handle just lying there and taking it, and he can't handle seeing someone else that way, either

-for example: he loves to stim with the gags Bentinck puts on him. they need to be taken off pretty quickly so he can breathe, but he lovesss drooling over it

-he does draw the line at choking tho DO NOT CHOKE HIM

-if he loves you (like he does Bentinck) then he'll wrap his long long tail around your waist while you fuck his brains out 🥺🥺

-i've mentioned this before but he's very vocal. if you get him into subspace, he'll say things or make noises you NEVER could have imagined for him...

-now Bentinck! so this guy acts normal but he's kinky as shit, same levels as William

-he can be a gentle dom but he has a mild preference for subbing. he LOVES to be ruined

-he doesn't like pain so much tho, he's more into bondage and servitude and humiliation

-he loves gangbangs, especially when shit gets MESSY. he wants to be covered in cum and piss and drool and sweat

-however sometimes it's hard to enjoy them when he knows the people fucking him aren't really attracted to him, they're attracted to the idea of fucking an Ally, like some kind of power reversal. his biggest fantasy is being 'worshipped' by a bunch of his followers, and being instead fucked by people who would like to see him dead really messes with him... it's like, they don't deserve to see that of him

-he hardly ever cums without jacking off or someone doing it for him

-he's very good with fisting (he took someone up to their shoulder once and YES THAT IS POSSIBLE AND NO DONT ASK ME HOW I KNOW THAT) and huge dildos. he owns a few crazy monster cocks and has great fun riding them

-eating ass/pussy is his favorite thing in the world (oh yeah when Keppel shows up it's gonna be over for you bitches)

-he laughs. a lotttt. it's kind of a nervous response in the aforementioned gangbangs William sets him up to do, but he also does it bc he's having fun when he's topping

-Mary time!! she's actually pretty vanilla but rlly enjoys blindfolds, and she's got a bit of a sadistic streak

-she loves making boys cheat on their partners with her it's her favorite thing (imagine getting cucked by Mary tho LMAOOO)

-she's actually not super horny all the time like her father but when she gets high, she goes fucking nuts and is something of a power bottom

-also when she gets high, she's very loud

-she'll only let girls dominate her

-that's why she's got a bit of a friends-with-benefits situation going on with Anne Villiers, they regularly fuck and Anne's great at it so Mary has High Standards for her partners

-she prefers to have sex with her assassination targets before she kills them bc she rlly hates getting blood on her clothes. to her it's the hottest shit when she's washing blood off her tits

-and yes as Anne mentioned before she has lots of dildos and sex toys too. she can have her own fun

-in particular she loves vibrators

-and now we have her father!! oh dear where do i even begin. full on sadomasochist, the extremes of both sides of the spectrum. not a kink out there he doesn't like. he'll try everything

-generally he prefers to be a dom as well as a top, there's VERY few people he's willing to sub and/or bottom for

-however even as a dom he likes to receive pain. and like i mean crazy amounts of pain, he loves being whipped until he bleeds and he's REALLY into CBT

-there's also, ofc, knives, which he gets if he genuinely attempts to kill Maria. force her to fight back and all that

-you can't even nonconsensually torture this man bc he loves it so much

-as for the pain he INFLICTS, he loves flogging, beating, slapping, choking, shocking, all that wild shit. he'll just do it unprovoked tho, like without any discussion beforehand

-he regularly ignores safewords and pushes his partners to their very limits

-obv he ADORES bondage

-his favorite aspect of bondage is gags, specifically ring gags (the ones that force your mouth open). he loves to use Marly's mouth like that

-can't forget the green stockings kink. here it's extended to him being drawn to just the color green in general, he couldn't tell you why but he LOVES to see it on people and makes his partners wear it to remind everyone that he 'owns' them

-completely opposite views from William; he believes that as an Overlifer, he's entitled to the bodies of everyone around him. and he'll take them whenever he likes

-when he forces himself upon somebody for the first time, there's a very good chance he'll kill them if they don't show him respect for it. he seems to calm down a little after you get used to it, but it's terrifying for anyone involved. ofc, part of what's so thrilling to him is the fear

-he loves humiliating Marly and Maria. sometimes both at the same time

-sometimes when fucking Marly he'll mock the latter for his moans, like he'll hear Marly let out a gasp and then he'll copy it just to echo how pathetic he sounds

-mean rough fucker, won't let you cum without begging. and he's VERY good at making people beg

-there's no love for his subs after he's done with them. despite the fact that they might have reacted like he wanted them to, he still finds them fucking UNBEARABLE to look at afterwards. for just a moment, he hates them for their powerlessness

-necrophilia? probably. don't ask

-and now for everyone's favorite: Marly!!! ooh he's not kinky at ALL, despite the fact that he often finds himself in some damn Situations in all his movies/shows, and has actually come to hate BDSM for what he associates with it

-he's not even that much of a hoe tbh. he just happens to work for James, who thinks Marly is a horny little bitch who eats everything up

-despite being terrified of bondage, he finds the powerlessness and vulnerability kind of DOES turn him on. even the fear itself does smth for him. he's not sure why but the idea that he likes it even a little bit makes him highly uncomfortable

-as well as James taunting and humiliating him for it? no thank you, not for him

-he hates pain especially, all the ways James slaps and bats him around during sex INFURIATE him. he wants to be treated nicely in bed yknow

-he can tolerate BDSM a little bit more if it's consensual, but ofc it never fully is bc. well it's kinks he doesn't like. but like, if James is extra affectionate that night... he thinks he'll be okay

-he's never once complained about it tho. he thinks if that's how James wants to use his body, then he deserves to, and he gets enough out of it by having James fuck him anyway and knowing that his master is rlly enjoying himself using HIS body. oh it's an honor to him

-i mean it's crazy, he REALLY loves James' cock, he loves sucking it and worshipping it and taking it

-he's very polite. calls James 'sir' and thanks him for everything, even when he's just about losing his mind in the middle of it

-also a lot of 'i love you's. he tries to be very sweet

-oh yknow the tattoos on James drive him nuts

-something he's weirdly into is how he'll put on makeup and by the end of the night it'll be SO fucked up bc of how rough James was with him

-sometimes, if the two of them are drunk enough, they'll have the closest thing to loving, consensual sex they can get to. none of the bondage or violence Marly hates, just a lot of kissing and whispers on James' part, and Marly thinks he can remember why he ever fell in love with this man in the first place

-it's just a very complicated thing for him. some nights, James' touch is all he can think about, other times he just wishes James would look away for once

-during the three-ways with James and Maria, he'll usually be their sub. mostly he just feels bad for her; she's clearly VERY uncomfortable

-he's never had sex with Sarah once. he believes it to be heresy and that he doesn't deserve her, even tho he REALLY wants to do so...

-ok here's a speed round for characters that don't fuck much in the story/haven't appeared yet but i still think about them

-Keppel's favorite thing in the world is sucking cock without a doubt. he's soft when someone's fucking him, but he'll be hard as shit while blowing someone

-he loves drinking cum

-he can switch his genitalia out anytime!

-with a pussy he's a squirter like no other and loves being eaten out

-also he's a fierce power bottom and brat. takes a lot to get him to fully sub for you but... i think William can manage it, no?

-Charles is 100% a pup. he's got the hood and everything

-he also likes to be called 'good girl' and have his asshole referred to as a 'cunt.' curious, curious

-Maria's not that much into BDSM either, but James finds her a lot more receptive when she's drunk or upset. she'll do anything for him in that state

-she's actually fully asexual too and struggles with a lot of guilt when it comes to pleasing the devil ancestors

-Anne Villiers is absolutely a full sub and bottom, she WISHES Hanni would tie her up like he does to William...

-Shrewsbury is an exhibitionist. period full stop he just loves humiliation and having people watch him and degrade him and all that. he might be a sex worker here but i gotta think about that

-Louis loves being gang fucked by a bunch of his nobles and politicians, it's a form of worship to him

-he also has a breastfeeding kink, having given birth to his own kids he likes it when his partners suck milk out of him too

[three--rings]

Me, with Max open, hitting refresh: SHOW SHOW SHOW SHOW

Spoiler reaction to 2x04 below

Hi I'm back after having seen it and OMG OMG. Hi, they came for us. They came to kill us all. I'm in pieces. Somehow all of that is a good thing. Raise your hand who else is deceased.

Buttons, BUTTTONS, we're getting Buttons info? Oh, just a tease.

God god there's so much happening.

"First time I've been on this side of a walk of shame" Wee John I fucking love you.

Ed my heart, sigh. I get it, of course anger is the easy way to go with this. "You're not a fucking mermaid." Literally the funniest thing he could have said somehow.

Buttons, you really should have separated those two sentences. "Walk with me so I can explain." Cool you sound wise. "I'm hunting for a vessel so I can turn into a bird." And...you've ruined it.

For real tho the way this show manages to be so funny while still giving us the serious story is wild.

He's fucking quoting the song my god.

The bunny scene. The glove covering the spider. And I KNEW the bunny wasn't lasting long and wouldn't be a thing. I KNEW it. I hope the fandom doesn't more poor Stede Bunnet too badly.

So is that the canonical explanation for Buttons? He visited the gravy basket too many times and his grip on reality is permanently loose? Like someone who has done way too much LSD?

I should watch this show at more than 30 second intervals but there's too much to talk about.

I love them so much I love this whole scene with Anne and Mary omg. (I still hate Anne's corset with the fire of a thousand suns for looking like every mass-produced shitty steampunk corset of 2012 but)

Do whatever you want you're good at that. I love them.

Them sitting on a fucking couch together "can we not do this now?" I'm LIVING.

WTF WTF is going on with Anne and Mary.

I was WONDERING why Roach's cake looked like a wedding cake. It was for traumatic reasons.

"Artsy outsider was always your type." OH REALLY SAY MORE.

Disappointed Anne and Stede weren't caught by Ed and Mary but okay.

Izzy...izzy...izzy. I wish we could have seen him drunkenly fighting the unicorn.

We all wondered what would make Ed break that chair....yeah finding out Stede went back to Mary would do it...

I can't I can't you guys I'm dead. I'm dead and gone and we're never recovering from this,,

But how fucking honest and open ED was in this conversation. " I was all in." like I love them so much.

Why didn't we get a toxic lesbian kiss, huh? I feel robbed.

Izzy...Con fuck you very much. That's all.

Okay okay, fucking Stede being like "hey you wanna uh spendthenightwithme" and Ed "Yes".

And then Buttons is (maybe) a bird now? Good for him, good for him. You gotta change to love them right. Yeah I see you.

Then running off through the trees together giddy. I can't. Didn't think we would get this.

"The new unicorn" okay. gonna need someone to explain this to me with meta.

That ep omg like perfection? like why are they being so nice to us? I can't.

So...Ed and Stede...did they...uh...?? If they leave it ambiguous in the next ep am I maybe gonna write it? maaybe.

[thiefbird]

Top 5 books!

Okay so. Gonna cheat just a lil and give my top 5 books OR series(and my fave book in each series)

In no particular order:

1) The Aubrey-Maturin Series

This should shock no one who follows my tumblr: I have talked about little else for the last five months. These characters invade almost my every waking thought; the few thoughts that aren't about them are about related subjects like Temeraire or Hornblower. Patrick O'Brian's writing style has permanently changed my own. I think probably my favourite book in the series is HMS Surprise. Patrick O'Brian has gotten fully into the swing of things, he knows his characters inside and out. Diana is there. And unlike some of my other favourites, the story in Surprise is self contained - as opposed to Desolation Island/Fortune of War/Surgeon's Mate, which are all the same arc.

2) Dragonriders of Pern

I read these books way, way too young (they are not in any way meant for an eight year old) and they changed my neurochemistry. Dragonriders of Pern is why I loved Eragon, and why I love Temeraire. There is a more age-appropriate series, the Harper Hall books, but that's not all that I read. I think my favourite book in the series is probably Dragon's Dawn, which is the book that explains the sci-fi connection to what starts off as feeling purely fantasy. It does such a good job of explaining how we get to where the series ends up in the first books, and also confirms the Anne McCaffery super-universe is alive and well(if you read any of her sci-fi series, there are always little references to show that they're all in the same universe, though they may be centuries or millennia apart). Do not give these books to your eight year old. Maybe not even your twelve year old. Sixteen is probably good.

3) Septimus Heap

For all you people who want to introduce your kids/your sibling's kids/your friend's kids to reading, but don't know what to recommend to little kids who like fantasy now that Terfwizardry is a no go, let me introduce the better Special Boy Learns Magic Books! Septimus Heap is the seventh son of a seventh son, but he doesn't know that at first. These books have a fascinating magic system that actually makes sense, an entirely separate from real life setting, and actually healthy family relationships! I don't have a specific favourite book, but even though they're very much aimed at younger kids, I reread them recently and they hold up! They're cute and sweet and heartwarming and also the cover art is excellent. If you have kids age 5-12 in your life and you want them to enjoy books, but don't want to recommend Percy Jackson for the billionth time? Give them Septimus Heap! (Or Gregor the Overlander, my personal favourite Suzanne Collins series; it might actually be more depressing as an adult than The Hunger Games, and it is written for late elementary/middle school kids. Give your kids a really weird but good experience and opportunity to talk about the horrors of both war and capitalism, all surrounded by giant rats and bats and cockroaches who are your friends.)

4) Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre

Are these the same series? Not really, but they are in my heart; the Brontë's books in my mind are so intertwined that they can share a space. Its what they would have wanted probably. I am a miserable Gothic bitch at heart. Highschool Birb read these books pretty much on repeat, with occasional breaks for Jane Austen or Mary Shelley. In terms of a favourite, my heart lands just a little on the side of Wuthering Heights; I am a sucker for parallels and inescapable fates.

5) Madeleine L'Engle (cheating again)

There's quite a bit of JV/YA fic on this list; I think there are some brilliant books that are ignored because they were written specifically for children, and anything by Madeleine L'Engle is absolutely included in that list. A Wrinkle In Time, and the rest of the books about the Murry-O'Keefe's(The Kairos series), are the reason high school Birb bought three nonfiction but not textbook books on string theory, and another textbook. They are almost entirely the reason I have a grasp on Christianity - Madeleine L'Engle's particular flavour of faith is a beautiful thing, and she ties it so perfectly into an intensely sci-fi and scientific series. Her more slice of life series, the Chronos series, is definitively but obscurely tied into the more sci-fi Kairos, in ways that are wonderful to think about. As a high schooler, and even after coming out as trans, both Meg Murry and Vickie Austin really spoke to me, but I think my favourite book of all of them is A Swiftly Tilting Planet. There is something heartbreakingly hopeful in all of L'Engle's writing, but especially in the scenes of the Murry's waiting at home, together, hoping that they'll see the morning, and then doing so.

[legends-of-time]

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 35: Gwaine

Masterlist

Amelia's POV

Amelia, Merlin, and Arthur ride to a hill overlooking a small Village. They had just finished a long day of hunting. Amelia had enjoyed herself as she had been able to take a break from the emotionally draining performance she has to do in front of Morgana. To explain why she would go anywhere willingly with Merlin, Amelia had lied and said Arthur had insisted, not herself, and it would be suspicious to deny him.

"You know what you need after a hard day's hunt?" Arthur asks.

"Sleep," Merlin replies.

"Shower," Amelia mumbles to herself so the other two can't hear.

Arthur ignores Merlin. "A nice cold tankard of mead." He rides towards the Tavern.

Merlin is unimpressed. "Mead?" He looks at Amelia.

"It is nice to be refreshed." She offers. Merlin rolls his eyes and the two of them follow after Arthur.

——

Amelia, Arthur, and Merlin dismount and tie their horses up in the small Village.

"No better place to measure the mood of your people than the local Tavern," Arthur remarks.

"This is one of those moments where I tell you something is not a good idea and you ignore me, isn't it?" Merlin admonishes and Amelia sniggers.

"You are learning, Merlin. Slowly, but you are learning." Arthur replies with a quick reproachful look in Amelia's direction. "Now, remember, in here you are not my servant, I'm just a simple peasant like everyone else." They finish tying the horses up and walk towards the Tavern.

"Simple part's right," Merlin mutters as they walk side by side.

"What?" Arthur asks.

"He said, the sun is very bright." Amelia covers, hiding a smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

——

They walk into a busy Tavern and quickly take their seats. As they walk over, Amelia notices a man with long brown hair staring at them. She feels something niggling at her brain as if she should remember. Is this man important? Either way, Amelia admits he isn't bad looking. A woman soon walks over to take their order.

"Afternoon. What'll it be?" She asks.

"Er..." Arthur looks around, presumingly to figure out what others are having.

"Mmm... You're a handsome fellow." The woman says. Amelia looks away from Arthur and back to the woman, feeling curious.

"Well, you wouldn't be the first to say it," Arthur says cockily. Amelia rolls her eyes and Merlin huffs annoyed.

"Oh, no, sorry." The woman apologises. "I was talking about your friend here." She gazes appreciatively at Merlin. Merlin looks at her surprised. Amelia giggles, glad someone wasn't stroking her cousin's (it still feels weird when remembering that the two of them are related through their birth mothers being sisters) ego.

Arthur is stunned. "Him?"

Merlin's expression turns pleased. "Thank you."

Amelia laughs. "Yes, he has a lady friend who would agree."

"Mmm... lucky her and a shame for me." The woman responds. The women share a laugh while Merlin blushes.

"Three tankards of mead, please!" Arthur says abruptly. The woman gives Merlin another smile before walking away.

"I was wrong, coming here was a great idea," Merlin remarks.

"I still do not understand why Anne likes you," Arthur grumbles. It was just before the Goblin incident when Arthur had learned that something was going on between his servant and Amelia's and he hadn't stopped complaining about it.

They soon receive their drinks but after a short while, the Tavern suddenly goes quiet. Amelia turns around to see that a large and dirty man had just entered and he doesn't look friendly. He slowly walks into the room. It is when he throws the dishes held by a waitress do Arthur and Merlin take notice of him.

"Afternoon, Mary." The man greets the woman, who had flirted with Merlin, threateningly. "Business looks good."

"We have our better days," Mary replies calmly but Amelia can see she's no longer the chatty and smiley woman from before.

"I don't suppose you'd begrudge me my share, then." Mary throws him some coins. Amelia realises he must be extorting money from the Tavern.

He counts them. "And the rest?"

"That's all we got," Mary replies.

The man suddenly grabs the front of Mary's shirt and pulls a small dagger near her chest. "I'll not ask again!"

Amelia is alarmed when Arthur stands and walks over to the pair. "Take your hands off her."

The man smirks and attacks Arthur but Arthur dodges his punch. Arthur then throws the man into a shelf.

"I'm gonna make you pay for that." The man threatens.

Merlin chuckles. "I'd like to see you try."

"Merlin!" Amelia hisses sharply. How is that helping?! She doubts the man came alone. 

The man whistles and a large group of tough looking men enter the Tavern. Amelia hates it when she's right. Merlin and Amelia quickly stand.

"You had to open your big mouth, didn't you Merlin?" Arthur remarks, glaring at his manservant.

The long brown haired man Amelia had noticed earlier walks over. "You three have got yourselves in a bit of a pickle, haven't you?"

"You should get out of here while you have the chance," Arthur warns.

"You're probably right." The man takes a swig from his drink, hands the drink to the man who had been threatening Mary, and punches him.

A brawl then ensues. People are punching each other with their fists or grabbing anything around them. Amelia grabs a chair and whacks a man in the head, knocking him down.

"Arthur!" She hears Merlin yell. Amelia looks to see that Arthur is being pinned down by the first man.

Merlin stands in the middle and Amelia hurries over to him. Despite Merlin having powerful magic, there's only so much he can use discreetly and his physical fighting isn't too good so she worries about him. They jointly take down a man that tries to knock them down.

"Merlin! Amelia!" Arthur yells. They both look at him. "Behind you!"

Just in time, Amelia and Merlin duck just as a man throws a chair. It flies over their heads. Arthur gets himself free and gets the upper hand.

"Ætslide bencþel." Amelia hears Merlin say. His spell throws a bench at two large men marching toward them.

Amelia then moves to the bar. She notices the man with long brown, who had started the actual brawl, has another man's arms locked around him. A different man from the gang tries to hit the long haired man on the head with a stool but ends up hitting his friend on the head when long haired man spins them around.

Mary is trying to rescue her merchandise as Amelia slides under the bar. Mary helps her knock out some other man by using some jugs. Amelia then magically throws plates at another attacker and the long brown haired man approaches the counter as he knocks out the man he has in a headlock.

"Pass the jug, heh?" He asks, holding out his hand.

Amelia blinks at him and hands him the jug. He takes a swig and then punches an attacker behind him.

"What do they call you, then beautiful?" He asks. Amelia stares wide eyed.

"Amelia."

"Gwaine. Pleasure to meet you." He holds out his hand. She offers hers and he kisses the back of it. Amelia gasps. She blushes in embarrassment at her behaviour. Amelia then sees another man approaching from behind.

"Gwaine—"

Gwaine smashes the jug on another attacker's head.

"Such a waste, heh?" Gwaine jokes.

Arthur is still fighting the leader and gets knocked to the floor. The larger man then pulls out a knife. Gwaine then lunges at him. They both fall to the floor. Gwaine struggles to get up and when he does, he falls over and knocks himself out on a bench. Amelia gasps when she sees the knife sticking out of his thigh. Merlin bends down to examine Gwaine.

"How is he?" Arthur asks. Merlin bandages Gwaine's leg.

"Not good. He's losing a lot of blood." Merlin explains.

——

The people throw rotten food at the leader, named Dagr Amelia had learnt, in the stocks outside the Tavern. Gwaine is slung over Arthur's horse while Amelia and Merlin sit on their own.

"If this man ever troubles you again, word is to be sent to Camelot. Soldiers will be here within a day." Arthur declares to the people.

"How can you make a promise like that?" Mary asks.

"Because I'm the King's son, Prince Arthur," Arthur explains and begins walking off on his horse with Amelia and Merlin following. The people gasp.

"Prince Arthur? Prince Arthur in my Tavern?" Mary utters in disbelief. "Come on!" Mary and the others pelt Dagr with rotten food.

——

They quickly bring Gwaine to Gaius' Chambers so he can be treated for his wound. Merlin and Arthur set Gwaine down on Merlin's bed.

"Merlin, fetch me some fresh water, towels, a needle, and silk thread." Gaius orders.

"And honey?" Merlin asks.

"You're learning," Gaius says. Merlin leaves to gather the material needed.

"Helps fight the infection," Amelia explains to Arthur, who looks confused. She misses the days when she was young and spent all her time in Gaius' Chambers.

"Will he be alright?" Arthur asks.

"Providing he's strong," Gaius replies.

"He's that, alright. The man saved my life, Gaius. He's to be given anything he needs." Arthur declares before leaving. Amelia stays to help Gaius and Merlin.

——

The next day is full of preparations for the mêlée and the Knights are arriving. Amelia and Morgana decide to take a break from the hubbub and go to the stalls in the Lower Town. Morgana wanders off from her momentarily and that's when Amelia gets absconded by an upright Gwaine who presents a small flower to her.

"I believe this belongs to you." He declares.

Amelia raises an eyebrow. "I do not think so. It's not my colour."

"Ah, well... let us see." Gwaine puts the flower in her long brown hair. Amelia pulls a face and quickly takes it out.

"I bet you've got a whole bunch of those to hand out," Amelia remarks casually as she twirls the flower in one hand while she carries a basket carrying some of the merchandise she had brought.

"No. Yours is the only one." Gwaine holds up empty hands as proof.

Amelia scoffs and hands him the flower. "I see you are recovering well. Arthur will be pleased."

Gwaine pulls a face. "I'd rather talk to you." He smirks.

Amelia rolls her eyes. "Well, if you are being like that, I'm busy." She tries to move past him but he doesn't let her.

"You did not tell me you are one of the most important women in Camelot. I would have paid more respect." Gwaine then speaks.

"I often don't tell people who I am if they don't know so to avoid them being fake or being prejudice." Amelia explains.

"You are not a mere lady but a princess." Gwaine bows to Amelia.

Amelia sees people staring, which makes her uncomfortable as they usually don't notice her due to the fact that she makes the habit of going down to the Lower Town often. "Stop it." She hisses. "People are staring."

"Not until you accept my gift. Or are you too high and mighty for a flower?" Gwaine challenges.

"Fine." Amelia huffs and takes the flower. She puts it back behind her ear and then puts her hands out in a sarcastic 'ta-da'.

"There." Gwaine straightens. "That was not so hard now, was it?"

Amelia tries to move past him. She clings to her basket.

"Let me carry that. A princess should not have to lump her purchases." Gwaine continues.

"Unfortunately, I'm not a princess but a mere lady." Amelia mocks his earlier words.

"Ah, but you see... you are no mere lady to me." Gwaine retorts.

Amelia stares at him in disbelief and laughs. "Am I now?"

"This isn't working, is it?" Gwaine realises.

"I could not say," Amelia smirks. "Thank you for the flower though. I'm sure you can find more in case someone else takes your fancy." She continues down the street.

"I've only eyes for you." Gwaine declares.

She turns around to look at him. "I'm sure." Gwaine chuckles as he turns to walk up the street.

Morgana suddenly arrives at her side. "Who was that?" She links her arm with Amelia's.

Amelia laughs. "No one."

Morgana doesn't laugh. "It should be. We have got more important things to worry about."

Morgana's reference to 'their' wider plans for Camelot sobers Amelia's joyful mood. She gives a simple nod.

——

The two women walk into the Main Square to see two Knights storming past on horseback.

"I see more Knights arriving," Amelia observes.

"It's good to Sir Oswald again." Morgana has a pleased smirk on her face.

Amelia frowns in confusion. "Again? We have met him before?"

"Yes, do you not remember?" Morgana asks, looking confused herself.

Amelia rolls her eyes and huffs. "Head injury, remember?"

Morgana shakes her head. "Right of course. Sorry sister." She looks at the two Knights that have stopped at the steps leading up to the Castle. "I do not recognise the other man."

Sir Oswald and the other man dismount. Arthur and Merlin emerge from the Castle and go down the steps to greet them.

"Do we greet them?" Amelia asks.

Morgana's face twists. "Best not. I do not want to be around Merlin any more than I have to."

Amelia winces at her mistake and hurries to cover herself. She purposefully twists her face to match Morgana's expression. "I agree. He always has to ruin things, does he not?"

"Agreed." Morgana then smirks. "We'll get revenge soon sister. Do not worry."

That isn't what Amelia is worried about.

——

Throughout the rest of the day, Amelia sees Sir Oswald and the other knight, Sir Ethan, run  Merlin around ragged. Amelia worries for him but knows Merlin can look after himself.

That evening, Anne hurries to Amelia's Chambers to tell her that Gwaine has drunk himself silly at the Tavern and is in trouble.

They go to Gaius' Chambers to find Merlin. They open the door to find Merlin and Gaius eating their dinner.

"Merlin, I think you need to come with us," Amelia says awkwardly.

——

They enter the Rising Sun and are quickly handed a large bill by an angry Innkeeper while a drunk Gwaine is being held up by some man.

"You drank all this?" Merlin questions.

"With some help from my new friends!" Gwaine yells.

"Yeah!" The Tavern folk cheer.

"He says that he hasn't got any money." The Innkeeper explains before grabbing the front of Merlin's clothes and drawing him in. "So, it looks like you'll have to pay."

"But... I can't afford this."

"You better find someone who can." The Innkeeper lets him go. Gwaine laughs and falls over.

Amelia sighs. "Don't worry, we will." If Arthur wants to help Gwaine so much then so be it.

——

Arthur is not pleased with the bill he receives and deems it necessary to hand out a punishment to Gwaine and Merlin. He has decided that the two of them clean the boots of the entire army.

"Arthur is a thoroughbred little braggart." Amelia hears Gwaine complain when she pokes her head into the Throne room to see how they're doing.

"What makes you say that?" Amelia calls to them with a smirk they turn to her and she makes her way up to where they are sitting.

"He's making us clean the boots for the entire army!" Gwaine complains.

"I think it's fair," Merlin says and he thoroughly scrubs at his boot. Gwaine pauses and looks at him in disbelief as Amelia plonks herself next to him.

"He seems to disagree," Amelia remarks, pointing at Gwaine before sticking out a hand, gesturing towards a spare brush. Gwaine blinks at her in surprise but hands her the brush and she gets to work on her own boot.

"If you admitted your father was a Knight, you wouldn't have to," Merlin argues.

This causes Amelia to pause and look at them in surprise. "What?"

"You are not the only one who hides their title." Gwaine remarks to her before turning to Merlin. "And maybe I should. But I'm not making the same mistakes that he did. Anyway, my father always treated his servants well."

"You didn't know him." Merlin points out.

"Well, I like to think that he did." Gwaine snaps. "What about yours?"

"No, he didn't have any servants. He didn't have... well... anyone." Merlin says sadly.

"When did he die?"

"About a year ago." Amelia looks at him sympathetically, thinking of what Anne and Merlin had told her about that time. "I just wish that I had the chance to know him better. So much he could've taught me."

"But you did get to meet him," Amelia says with a smile. "While I knew my adoptive father and he was a good man, I have never met my birth father."

"Yeah."

"If there's one thing that I learned from my father's life, is that titles don't mean anything." Gwaine declares. "It's what's inside..." he slaps Merlin's knee with the cleaning brush, "...that counts."

"Ow," Merlin grumbles and rubs his knee.

——

That night, Merlin returns to Gaius' Chambers with worrying news. Sir Oswald and his companion, Sir Ethan, seem to have anterior motives.

Gaius bandages Merlin's cut finger as Amelia, Anne and Gwaine watch.

"To the eye, the sword appeared blunt, but when I touched it..." Merlin mimics a grimace.

"You were lucky. I've seen those blades in action. They're forged using sorcery." Gwaine explains.

"What would they want with a blade like that?" Anne questions.

"I think they mean to kill Arthur in the mêlée." Merlin realises.

"But in front of all those people?" Gaius asks doubtfully.

"It's the perfect cover. If they succeed, nobody will suspect it was intentional." Gwaine argues.

"I need to warn Arthur." Merlin declares.

"Merlin, Sir Oswald's a Knight." Amelia protests. "He comes from a well respected family. You can't accuse him without proof."

"Then we need that blade."

"I'll get it," Gwaine says.

"What if they catch you? What reason would you have to be in Sir Oswald's Chambers?" Merlin argues. "No. It's safer if I do it."

——

Merlin leaves to do just that but those waiting become anxious when it begins to take too long and Merlin does not return.

"Merlin should be back by now," Gwaine says.

"I know," Gaius murmurs.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Anne says anxiously.

"Shall one of us go find him?" Amelia asks.

"I'll do it," Gwaine says before walking out of the room.

"Gwaine," Gaius calls after him but it doesn't help.

——

Merlin was in trouble as Sir Oswald and Sir Ethan had caught him though not before Merlin realises the former is one of the thugs from the Tavern, Dagr, which Merlin explains to Gaius, Amelia, and Anne on the way to the Council Chambers. Gwaine had saved him but, using their disguise of respected Knights, Sir Oswald and Sir Ethan had Gwaine arrested.

Guards bring Gwaine into the Council Chamber in chains. Amelia watches anxiously from the side of the room.

"Sire, this man attacked me, with a sword, tried to kill me." 'Sir Oswald'/Dagr declares.

"Is this true?" Uther asks. Amelia rolls her eyes at him. While she hopes it'll be different, she knows who Uther will believe.

"I stepped in to protect Merlin," Gwaine replies.

"I tried to talk to him. He was like a man possessed. I'm sure that Sir Ethan will back me up." Dagr continues.

"Indeed, I can vouch for his every word." 'Sir Ethan' says.

This infuriates Gwaine and he leaps up but is quickly grabbed again by the Guards. "He's a liar!" He yells.

"I will have your tongue! How dare you speak to a Knight in that way?!" Uther yells.

"Nobility is defined by what you do, and not by who you are," Gwaine argues. "And these men are anything but. They are arrogant thugs!"

"Gwaine." Arthur tries but is interrupted.

"Well, you see, Sire, how he behaves," Dagr concludes.

"I've heard enough. For a commoner to attack a nobleman is in violation of the Knight's Code." Uther declares.

"I couldn't agree with you more, Sire. He must be made an example of."

"Sir Oswald, please." Arthur pleads.

"Nothing less than his execution will give me satisfaction." Amelia's eyes widen. She feels Anne place a hand on her arm in comfort.

"Father, I understand how this must look, it's an embarrassing situation." Arthur tries to divert his father. "Sir Oswald is a dear friend and our guest here in Camelot. But Gwaine is my guest here, too. And he may not be of noble birth, but I can vouch that he has a noble heart."

"How can you say that when you see the way he behaves?" His father protests.

"Gwaine risked his life to save mine." Arthur continues to argue. "I beg you, please, if a Knight's word is his bond, then I give you my word Gwaine is a good man. He deserves clemency."

Uther thinks for a moment before turning to Gwaine. "You are banished from Camelot. If you ever return, you will pay for it with your life. You have until dawn to leave the City."

——

Amelia runs after Gwaine as he leaves Gaius' Chambers with his belongings.

"Gwaine!" She calls after him.

He turns and gives her a small smile. "Amelia."

"I am sorry you are leaving but you did a brave thing, you know," Amelia says.

"Hell of a lot of good it did me." Gwaine retorts.

"I know Arthur. He's not like Uther." Amelia argues. "You saved his life, I'm sure one day he'll repay you."

"He tried to speak up for me." Gwaine comments.

"See? Arthur's fair. He'll be a great King. I know he will." Amelia declares.

"Maybe."

"Thought you didn't care about Arthur." She smirks.

"Yeah well, some nobles are worth it I suppose. Look after this one."

"We do it all the time." She puts her hand on his arm. "Good luck. I think I'll miss you."

"I'm sure you're sick of me already." Gwaine retorts. He looks down and Amelia sees her hand is still on his arm. She quickly let's go, blushing.

"Well, when you're not acting full of yourself and like a flirt, you're alright."

Gwaine chuckles. "Thank you, Amelia." He turns and continues to walk down the corridor.

——

"I don't know what we should do," Merlin says as he paces the room.

"I could try and persuade Arthur to withdraw from the contest," Gaius suggests.

"He won't. You know what Arthur is like." Amelia argues.

"I'll have to somehow... use my powers to defend him," Merlin murmurs.

"With the King and half of Camelot watching?" Gaius questions in disbelief.

"Merlin..." Anne puts her hand on his arm.

"I don't have a choice." Merlin declares.

——

The crowd gathers in the Tournament Grounds. Amelia takes a seat on the left of Uther's chair while Morgana sits on the right. Anne and Gwen sit nearby. Merlin stands next to Gaius in the crowd opposite. Amelia knows that Anne has been restless and upset all night at the thought of Merlin risking exposure in front of everyone and nothing Amelia says will reassure her.

Uther enters the stands; the people stand and cheer. Amelia frowns, she feels annoyed at the people's support for Uther though she knows she needs to bite her tongue until Arthur becomes King.

Morgana and Amelia stand as well before retaking their seats when Uther does so. The Knights line up. Uther gives the signal and the mêlée ensues. Amelia follows Arthur's figure anxiously. She flinches as Knights begin to fall to the ground. She sees that Uther and Morgana are both smiling and cheering but Amelia can't bring herself to join in.

Amelia begins to notice that some Knights are beginning to look more seriously injured than knocked about and she knows that it's Dagr and whoever Sir Ethan really is are the ones to blame.

One of the imposters begins riding directly towards Arthur. However, Arthur ducks, and his attacker is thrown from his horse. Amelia sighs in relief. More Knights are knocked off their horses.

The thug that had fallen goes for Arthur on foot. Amelia knows Arthur is in trouble as the thug jumps and pulls Arthur off his horse as Arthur fights another Knight, and then tries to stab him. Arthur rolls out of the way. Arthur fights with the thug but Amelia sees the other thug riding toward them to attack Arthur.

Amelia makes eye contact with Merlin across the grounds. He gives her a nod before he begins to mutter. The spell he had enchanted breaks the girth breaks on the thug's saddle and he falls off his horse, then gets up to join the fray.

Amelia sees it is two against one and she worries for Arthur. Then another Knight gets up and joins Arthur though their arm appears injured. Amelia wonders who it could be. The Knight helping Arthur disarms one of the thugs and catches the sharp blade he carries. Amelia gasps in shock when she sees those moves. After what Merlin had said to her, there's only one person who can do that. Gwaine.

Gwaine stabs the thug he's fighting and the crowd gasps. The other thug knocks Arthur down and goes for the kill. Amelia leans forward in panic, as does everyone else (except, probably, Morgana). However, Gwaine blocks him and stabs him with the sharp blade, the crowd gasps. The people clap while Uther stands up. Amelia shares a false look of confusion with Morgana though she knows it's real on Morgana's side. Arthur and Gwaine get up and face each other.

But instead of fighting, Arthur removes his helmet, and the crowd cheers. He says something and Gwaine sticks his sword in the ground and lifts his visor. Arthur smiles and shakes his head as he can see Gwaine's face while the crowd can't. Gwaine then removes his helmet and turns toward the King's box, surprising those in it and surrounding it, except Amelia. She simply beams at him and he sends her a wink. But the cheery mood doesn't last.

"Guards! Seize him!" Uther cries. Guards run onto the grounds.

——

Amelia follows Arthur, Uther, and Arthur to the tent where 'Sir Oswald's' and 'Sir Ethan's' bodies have been laid. Gaius kneels over them.

"Is there nothing you can do for them?" Uther asks.

"I'm sorry, it's too late for them," Gaius admits.

"The prisoner is responsible for their deaths. I want him executed immediately." Uther hisses to Arthur.

"You might want to hold your horses before you pass judgment." Amelia interrupts. Father and son look at her confused.

"I fear that..." Gaius pulls the Crystal from the neck of one of the bodies. "Sir Ethan..." Gaius pulls the other Crystal from the other body's neck. "...and Sir Oswald are not all that they seem." Gaius removes their helmets to reveal Dagr and the other thug, who Amelia recognises from the Tavern but does not know the name of.

"Sorcery." Uther gasps in shock.

Arthur crouches by the bodies before looking at his father. "And once again, I owe Gwaine my life."

"Now what do you say to that," Amelia says pointedly.

——

Amelia waits with Anne, Gwaine, and Merlin as they wait anxiously in the Phoenix Corridor as they wait for Arthur to tell them the verdict. After a while, Arthur appears from around the corner and they snap to attention.

"The King is prepared to overlook the fact that you fought in the mêlée," Arthur announces.

"That's fantastic!" Amelia exclaims.

"Thank you, Arthur," Gwaine says.

"But..." Arthur continues, "he's a stubborn man. He will not rescind his judgment. You must leave Camelot."

Gwaine gives a rueful smile and nods. Amelia looks at him with a sad expression.

"Oh, you got to speak to him, Arthur, make him change his mind." Merlin pleads.

"Merlin," Gwaine says to stop him.

"I'm sorry Gwaine. My father's wrong. If it were up to me..." Arthur apologies.

"I know. You don't need to explain yourself." Gwaine replies.

"You have until sunset."

——

Amelia walks in the Lower Town, looking for Gwaine so as to say a proper goodbye. She sees Gwaine salute Arthur and Merlin, who are on the ramparts, farewell.

Gwaine spots her when he turns around. "This is goodbye then." They stop in front of each other.

"For now." Amelia corrects. "I'm sure you'll turn up again somehow."

"You're not going to argue that I should tell the King who I really am so that I can stay?" Gwaine asks pointedly.

"Why would I?" She asks. "I understand that you wouldn't want to serve under Uther."

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked you over Merlin." Gwaine remarks jovially.

Amelia smirks. "Begging you to stay is he?"

"I think he might fancy me. What do we tell Anne?" Gwaine jokes. Amelia laughs and touches Gwaine's chest.

Amelia sobers. "It's funny, you came here hating nobles and you leave liking one. You seem to get on with Arthur well."

"They're not all bad." Gwaine looks pointedly at her. "I can think of another I like even more."

Amelia looks down with a bashful smile before looking at him again. "It would never work."

Gwaine smiles at her ruefully. "I know but why don't you give me a token for my journey?"

Amelia leans in and kisses Gwaine on the lips. They stay together, lips moving together softly before parting.

"There," Amelia says matter of factly, trying to ignore her blush.

Gwaine does a mock bow. "My princess." He straightens and they go their separate ways with smiles on their faces.

——

"Amelia." Amelia hears from behind her as she walks the corridors. She stops and turns to find Arthur leaning on a pillar behind her with his arms crossed with a serious expression on his face.

Amelia realises he must've seen her with Gwaine. "What?" She asks innocently.

Arthur, however, is not fooled. "I saw you."

"You saw me?"

"Yes, with Gwaine."

Amelia frowns in false confusion. "Gwaine? And what was I doing with Gwaine?"

This irritates Arthur and stands up and walks to stand in front of her. "Do not play innocent Amelia. I saw you, anyone could have seen you."

Amelia rolls her eyes. "And?"

"And?!" Arthur exclaims before quietening his voice. "He's not a noble. It could never happen."

Amelia huffs. "You can talk."

"What do you mean?"

"Gwen?" Amelia says pointedly. "I'm not the only one fraternising with the common people." She's not going to reveal Gwaine's noble heritage when he doesn't want anyone to know.

"Nothing's happening." Arthur insists. "Nothing can happen." He then seems to sombrely say to himself.

Amelia smiles at him sadly and rubs his arm. "You'll be alright Arthur. We'll be alright."

That's if Morgana and Morgause don't kill them first.

——

A/N: Had so much fun with the Gwaine/Amelia scenes 😅😂

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[televinita]

Library Sale: The Results

I'm actually really glad I only got here for the bag sale, because I genuinely don't know how many of these books I would have bought if I were paying for them individually, but I kinda love like 90% of them now. Which is bad from a "has too many books" perspective but GREAT from my current perspective of being overwhelmed w/ excitement about them.

Anyway, these are the results of me whipping through a room full of books in approximately 40 minutes with no time to second-guess any pulls. This is the closest I will ever come to one of those manic timed shopping sprees that were popular in the nineties.

Part I: Books For A Me!

1. What Happened to Lani Garver - Carol Plum-Ucci (2002): this book made a huge impact on me as a teen, and it held up ten years later. This is a slightly undersized paperback, which I don't love given what it does to the font size and line spacing, but I was excited to find it at all, let alone in new condition!

2. The Body of Christopher Creed - Carol Plum-Ucci (2000): I haven't read this one, but it got more acclaim than the above. I don't think I'll like it as much, but I've long been curious, and my library doesn't have it anymore.

3. Sky on Fire - Emmy Laybourne (2013): I saw post-apocalyptic/survival YA thriller and went YEAH!, but turns out this is actually a sequel to Monument 14, which I've heard of (and was apparently quite popular?), but never actually investigated. There appear to be a LOT of books and I don't know if I'm that interested in "5 kids remain inside the store. one is pregnant. the rest have a blood type that will turn them into bloodthirsty killers if exposed to the air." So this will probably move to the rehome pile. But it is cool that this is the UK edition.

4. The Dirt Diary - Anna Staniszewski (2014): Also definitely a read-and-release, but I'm weirdly drawn to books where the daughter of a housecleaner ends up helping clean her richer classmates' houses and discovers SECRETS.

the contrast between these covers is hilarious 2 me

5. Sabre, The Horse From the Sea - Kathleen Herald (1948; this edition 1963): VINTAGE HORSE BOOK *SNAP* MINE. Alas, having gotten it home, I see it's a bit spotty on the sides, so that won't do. Will have to be a read and release.

(edit: oh damn, this is apparently a pen name for horse book authoring queen K.M. Peyton, AND it's apparently her first novel!)

(oh double damn, Bookfinder has it priced starting at $30 with no ebook so apparently it's gone scarce over the years even for a common paperback edition; booo)

6. The Secret of the Andes - Ann Nolan Clark (1952; this edition 1974): I'm a simple girl; I see a little vintage Scholastic paperback, I buy it. Did not even realize it's a Newbery winner! I probably won't keep it...but I do adore this cover, and it's so small...

7. Brother of the Wolves - Jean Thompson (1978): I am also a simple girl in the way I will see a Weekly Reader edition of a book with animals or Native Americans (or both!) on the cover and buy it.

8. Wren - Marie Killilea (1954; this edition 1968): a children's adaptation of an evidently popular midcentury memoir called Karen (written by the mother of the titular Karen, who had cerebral palsy) that I must admit I don't know. I just saw a girl hugging an Irish Setter on the cover of a vintage paperback - especially since the summary promises to focus on the kid and their pets - and said "gimme." Probably read & release.

----

9-10. A pair of Doctor Who Target novelizations: The Day of the Doctor (Steven Moffat) and Twice Upon a Time (Paul Cornell)

I actually just stumbled upon an old post reminding me why I wanted DotD so bad (I should probably actually watch the whole special at some point, maybe). I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually read the one w/ the Twelfth Doctor or if that was going in my resale bag, but who am I kidding...I cling to any non-Eleven Doctor Who stuff I find in the wild like my life depends on it.

----

11. House Warmings: For Those Who Make A House a Home - Patricia Hauck Sprinkle (1992): Total gift book, literally intended as a housewarming gift, I don't need it at all but it was SO PRETTY! It's a slim volume with a puffy cover, featuring little anecdotes (and a definite Christian slant) from the author's life about the houses they lived in and, well, making them...homes. The color illustrations on nearly every page are just so beautifully cozy 90s-ish. See also, the artist's website -- Gail Roth.

-----

12. A Zoo Man's Notebook - Lee S. Crandall, "in collaboration with William Bridges" (1969): Nonfiction; I literally didn't even flip through this, I just saw "William Bridges" (an early Bronx Zoo director, which I know because I already had one of the many books he wrote about it) and ran. It's packed full of anecdotes and interesting facts about the animals there. Books about zoos were really popular in the latter half of the twentieth century, I've noticed, but seem to have fallen out of fashion. Still, stories about animals never go out of style. Speaking of which...

13. Some Of My Best Friends Are Animals - Terry Murphy ("Director of the Dublin Zoo") (1979): so obviously I was not gonna not take it with that information...another book full of anecdotes and photos. It's surprisingly heavy for not being that thick even using glossy photo paper, which is a pain, but I might keep it anyway.

----

14. Horseplay At White Meadows - Marlene Chase (2013): a cozy mystery of the type that drives me nuts, because they have beautiful sleek hardcovers on very solid bindings, with ribbon bookmarks!, and all in all just look like damn works of art, all for writing that is as basic as can be while still being competent at storytelling. They're really ideal for like, 13-year-olds who want to read Grown Up Books and grandmas who want simple, clean reads (I don't think this is even a murder mystery, it's just someone furtively trying to drive a rival out of business with nefarious "accidents"). But between the cover photo and the fact that there are horses and it's set on a dude ranch, though, I can't give this one up right away.

oops, after all that raving I forgot to take a photo so (weirdly huge) Amazon pic theft it is

15. The Artist's Library: A Field Guide (2014): the only ex-library discard in the batch, I won't keep this long-term but it's a small, sturdy little hardcover and I wanted to look through it. Near as I can tell, it's about celebrating the beauty of public libraries and ways to be creatively inspired while working on projects in a library.

Part II: Books To Rehome

(either to sell to Half Price Books, or I might just put them in Little Free Libraries; depends how long it takes me to collect a full bag and my mood that day)

Last time I just did a cover photo of the pending culls, but this time they're honestly all interesting enough that I wanna talk about 'em, so:

16-18. The Gryphon/Alexandria/The Morning Star - Nick Bantock (2001-2003): the second trilogy, also books 4-6, in the Griffin & Sabine series with removable letters and postcards. Absolutely beautiful books and literal works of art; I already have the full set but it was absolutely KILLING me that these were still there with 25 minutes to go (you fools!), despite one of them having been left flat with cover facing up, so I seized them. I feel like they should have value (I see on the HPB website they have a couple copies priced at $10, so not a lot but standard at least), but I also love them so much that I sort of just want to put them in an LFL so that someone else can have pure treasure.

-----

19. Pagan Spring (Max Tudor Mystery #3) - G.M. Malliet: I know this doesn't have actual value because it's a random semi-cozy English Village mystery from 2013, but I couldn't help picking it up because it's so pretty! (my motto of the day, apparently) Deckle edges and the endpages are illustrated with a map. Gonna be hard to give up. What if I didn't give it up yet.

-----

20. Unleashed - Lisa Wogan (2007): this is a smallish photo essay/coffee table book introducing specific dogs by name and the outdoor activity/sport they excel at, from backpacking to windsurfing. It's so cute and I know I would have fallen in love with these dogs and imagined they were mine if I'd read this book as a kid. That's why when I'm done, I'm going to put it in the Little Free Library outside a local elementary school. Kids still like physical books right? At least ones about dogs?

21. The Grace of Dogs - Andrew Root: I saw a dog and put it in the bag. Turns out this is written by a theologian and focuses on what you might expect; sounds boring and I'm happy to send it on.

22. Rescuing Sprite - Mark Levin: I actively disliked this book, but I figure, cute dog on cover might entice someone.

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

NETFLIX PERSUASION LIVE REACTION

Okay, so far not so bad

*Anne drinks wine from the bottle, "single and thriving*... nevermind.

I say, What an oddly proportioned bed!

This is a lovely room... for, say a cottage.

Isn't the point of Anne that she doesn't have any hope of Wentworth? Isn't that what this whole thing is about?

Wait I'm sorry I didn't see what Mrs clay was saying there I was busy staring at her... wayward figure

Anne did you wake up in a daze that your put your blouse on the OUTSIDE of your dress?

I like these Crofts.

I wouldn't even mind the fourth wall breaking, if this dialogue was anything Anne Elliot would ever say.

Is that a shift?

If this was TRYING to be Tumblr Dialogue absurdist Jane Austen I would LOVE the empath line, but it's not trying to be that so I can't.

I'm struggling because I hate this scene of her with the wine bottle at the window but she's wearing a shift under those stays and that butters many parsnips for me.

Your hair is also suitability... appropriate *her hair looks like she just rolled out of bed*

That is... too big to be Uppercross Grange. This is as bad as the House Inflation in Emma.

Could we have cast someone [as Wentworth] who actually has a jaw please? Just once?

Oh look a brief glimpse of actual dialogue!

"Charles wanted to marry me first!" WHO IS THIS WINE AUNT?

Hilarious that Charles hasn't even like talked to Anne in this version?

I need to roll that back, because I must not have any occasion to miss this terrible dialogue -- my sister

*laughing at the blackbeard line*

This is not dance music

Wow do you have enough mascara on?

Oh I see she finally decided to put her hair up

Self-care! The words "self-care" just... *pounds chair arm* CAPPUCCINO! --my sister (fun-fact, the cappuccinos we know today were first known to exist IN ITALY, in the 1930's)

The height difference between Mary and Charles here is about the difference between Alice and Jasper in the Twilight books

This guy would make a better Edward Ferrars

Shifts but no bonnets...

The location cards on this movie out here in your face like the new covers for the Twilight books

What is with them and casting my sisters babies as Harvill? First Joseph Mawle now Edward Bluemel

Take a drink every time Anne takes a drink

Can we stop casting musicians as Austen heros?

"You've never had trouble speaking for yourself." Ummm

Ah yes schmoozing, prostrating oneself before the superiority of woman, very attractive

The only thing Henry Golding would be good for in my estimation is playing Sulu by that ship has sailed. He's too mustache twirly for anything else

I want Anne's green redingote

I just wanna say "hes a ten--I never trust a ten" has the same flavor as "my mother's oft repeated warning echoes in my ears: never trust a man who can dance" from Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if that line wasn't in the movie the association is enough to make me cackle like a fish wife.

I love how Anne always has a hangover in the morning

Richard E. Grant is just such a perfect Sir Walter

Okay for what this is, Dakota Johnson is actually doing a fine job

This is one of those Period dramas where all the awful characters are dressed impeccably well in things that you want to wear SO BADLY and the character you're supposed to "relate to" is dressed like a slovenly peasant, because the people making the film think that tasteful and intricate clothing is bougie and ostentatious. Like bitch you don't understand what ostentatious was in 1816.

The Octopussy speech... I... *downs whole glass of dry Vermouth*

Bitch what quiet dignity? You put jam on your lip!

I like everything about this version except for the leads, her costumes and the dialogue

He just does not cut a fine figure in his uniform. He's not dashing.

Is this concert in the daytime????

THOSE GLOVES ARE FISHNET

Why does that dress not fit

Put a feather in her hair and she'd look like a whore

Here we've all been bemoaning Dakota Johnson when the worst thing about this adaptation is what they've done to Wentworth.

I'm changing it from taking a drink every time Anne does to "every time Anne is a total wino"

Edward Bluemel is such a wonderful Harvill.

"The Universe" is invoked so many times here because we're allergic to religion

Bath Marathon? BATH MARATHON!

Guys the problem is I'm not moved at all. I feel nothing. At all.

What is this music?

Oh look a wedding! That's different

Why is Mr Elliot even in this version?

If he was a better Wentworth I would be really enjoying this wedding day sextant scene

My sister: *slurring because we've had a lot of prosecco* did she just wink.

Afterthoughts

Not Enough of the crofts

I'm VERY dissapointed that this petty bitch wino version of Anne didn't get to go off about Dick Musgrove. Which just proves that this is an adaptation of the Cliff Notes and not the actual book.

[ezarelz]

Yeah, don't like Erika for many reasons but some are: When visiting Mary-Anne all she wondered was why Leif was so angry when the walls were covered in blood with kids that were tortured there. Her s** scenes are uncomfortable, she seems possessed to me and kinda forces herself on the guys. It's disgusting how she used "demon" as a slur when she's one. A hypocrite- kills Yvoni, attempts Anne but doesn't understand others who have a more personal revenge. The cheating V-day too, I can go on.

Hey anon! :) I definitely agree with some points you made.

One thing I dislike about the dialogues they gave us was in episode 27, when “our” character/Er*ka snaps on citizens asking the chiefs questions, but then, literally five seconds after, asks them and gets sad when they strictly say “you’re going to be told exactly what everyone else is told, I can’t tell you.” I was like??? And then she’s like “Woooow! Okay, I see how things are.” and runs away, prompting the boy (LI) to chase after her. Then, when he asks what’s wrong, she talks about everything else and how overwhelmed she is. I get it, a lot of things happened, but she needs to check her double standards and understand that she’s not a Light guard member, either. I thought it was hypocritical for sure, and for the guy to have to deal with that in the middle of a mayhem, I just felt bad. 

Yes, Beemoov writers aren’t careful enough about how they go about sex scenes, and we’re left with a boundaries-breaking MC. It’s so, so annoying. I played episode 22 again, and she literally says: “I know Ezarel hates being touche but I reach-” Let me stop you right there. If you know, don’t allow yourself unless formally being given the right to. It just teaches that boundaries are “vague” and flexible, and that you can try to push them if you (not the person being touched) feel comfortable doing so. There are also too many instances imo where the way the sex scene is written that suggest that she, again, pushes their boundaries, and I feel uncomfortable, because that’s the last place it should occur. Boundaries during sex are what makes it feel safe for anyone implicated. Sometimes, it was written: “I succeeded in convincing him into giving in”.... Um, jail. Anyway. 

As for the slur, yes, it’s not hard to understand that slurs to discuss races are bad and that if members of a community ask that you don’t refer to that racial group as (enter slur), you don’t do it. As an aengel whose blood is heavily mixed with human one, she definitely should’ve been more careful with “throwing around” that term. Had I existed in that world, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to use it as it demonizes an entire race, which, wtf, plus, as an Earthling, it resonates with life on Earth so, she had no excuse :/. 

I don’t remember my opinion on her view of killing, but I could come back to this once I go through the scenario again :).

As for the Valentines Day event, to me, events aren’t exactly canon. So I don’t consider it cheating per se, although her feelings lack consistency. Especially between TO and New Era. It could’ve been better worked, because although she says she’s trying to move on, it seems a little too easy. Like,,,, wasn’t that the love of your life? I mean, had I been with Leiftan, I’d tell him if you don’t want to be with me anymore you need to explicitly tell me, because we didn’t magically break up in the crystal, and you were already repenting before the sacrifice, so the fact that they barely spoke and acted regularly the next day is mind-bending to me. That’s literally ONE example of all the routes. Like, had my boy been Ezarel, and Nevra had put his hand on my face at the cliff, I’d be like “Wtf Nevra. I was with your best friend literally two months ago in my eyes, I’m overwhelmed, confused. I feel alone, sure, but for you to do that is crossing a line.” Maybe I have stronger principles, but oh well. It’s not about seven years having passed, it’s about taking (and in Nevra’s case, giving) the necessary time to heal before even considering anything else. 

There are too many inconsistencies anyway. Although Nevra’s anecdote of his,,,, ahem being almost experienced with twice by the crazy labman is CANON AF in my eyes lmao.

[pmiller1]

Thieves Den: Shadow Mariko and Snow Empress Mariko

-1-

Ryuji: Man, I didn't recognized that she was Mariko's Shadow.

Yusuke: Indeed, she does seem to be different from her real self.

Ryuji: I mean, dang. At least the other shadow lose close to there real self.

Yusuke: That is true. But I fear that if she would have put on some pound she would a lot like her shadow.

Ryuji: Dude! Not cool!

-2-

Haru: Mari-san... it still pain me to see you like this.

Futaba: Well look on the bright side, at least she didn't bring out a bunch of robots on us.

Haru: In some way I expected that would happen on us.

Futaba: Really?

Haru: She was mistrusting her staff. I expected the history to repeat itself.

Futaba: Well you should be lucky that it didn't happen like that. Like I said look on the bright side.

Haru: Heh. I guess. I take to heart, Thank Futaba.

-3-

Sumire: No way, really in the cold?

Yusuke: Indeed. Her Jail was a Cold as Winter itself.

Sumire: Then I'm glad I wasn't there. I don't think I could survived with my Phantom Thieves outfit.

Yusuke: I have to agreed with that, your outfit dose seem to bear more skin.

Sumire: It kind embarrassed wearing something like that, I do wish I have someway to cover my legs.

Yusuke: Would that make you less mobile?

Sumire: Yeah... Maybe it not the best idea for me.

-4-

Yoshida: See to a fellow Mayor been so cold hearted to make her staff as slave to her Gluttony.

Ann: I always thought that Gluttony mean that you like to overeat.

Yoshida: Nonsense. Gluttony is more excessive consumption then just the food.

Ann: Oh. So it isn't wrong to eat whatever we want?

Yoshida: No. But her action have exhausted then to the point that seem like she feeling off they life-forces.

Ann: Ohhhh! I think I getting it now.

-5-

Mariko: So this is what became of me?

Haru: Yes. You was power-hungry that it hurt me.

Mariko: Oh Haru. I feel awful for what I done to you.

Haru: It okay Mari-san. I just glad to see you alive.

Mariko: I still made you suffer as more as your father had before.

Haru: Hey, it okay. I'm all better now. I just glad I can save you.

-6-

Futaba: This maybe be odd thing to ask but, was she always that skinny? The Real One, I mean.

Haru: In all her life really, she was always a picky eater.

Makoto: I don't want to assume anything but do you think that Mariko had... eating disorder?

Futaba: You mean was she Anorexia? I mean, I hope she doesn't have it.

Haru: Is could be, I not too sure on myself. She never told anyone if she was.

Futaba: Man, I do not want to stop eating myself.

Makoto: Well maybe she keep an healthy diet, it doesn't have to be that.

-7-

Zenkichi: Man, she so does not look like the real Mariko.

Morgana: Sometime they Shadow does not always close to real one, most time they look like something that do not want to seen by the pubic.

Sophia: Like something behind the light?

Zenkichi: Something that they not want to been seen. Yeah, that does seem like a shadow in someway, I-I think.

Morgana: It okay, you get the hand of it.

-8-

Akechi: It must hard for you to seen another love fall to corruption.

Haru: Yes. But I stay strong even now. I want to save her as mush as I would for my father.

Akechi: Then you must glad that I wasn't there, if you understand what I mean?

Haru: Oh don't worry I'll make sure you wouldn't cross the line if you was there.

Akechi: Urrg. And they say I'm the crazy one.

-9-

Hifumi: So it the Snow queen or Snow white?

Shinya: I don't know? It could be both for all we know.

Hifumi: Hmm... the White Snow Queen. I think I like that.

Shinya: Whatever it just a white blob monster, just let it go.

Hifumi: I subpose so.

-10-

Makoto: It still said that those people blackmail her the lose of a little girl.

Zenkichi: In someway I can see why she did what she did. Not that justify her action.

Kawakami: She must be so guilty for her lose. Poor Lady.

Makoto: It must been eating at her all day, wanna to keep those that did all this pay for what they did.

Kawakami: People those day I swear.

[iffyswriting]

Gang-Related 1

Pairing: Ann-Marie x Black!OC

Genre: Romance and Angst.

Summary: Journey Nelson is in need of money, quick and fast. She's enlisted by her friend to become a dealer for one of the most fearful Gangs in their city. She meets the leader, Ann-Marie and sooner than later they begin a romance that is doomed to burn up in flames.

Note: I might as well start dropping some of my lesbian fics over here. I'm finding it difficult finding black gay fics 🥺. If y'all have any, don't be shy- DM it too me!

"Hurry the fuck up, Journey!" Tika yelled to me breathlessly, her feet slapping against the pavement just as fast as mine.

I looked both ways before crossing the street, more sweat gathering on my hands. My heart drummed in my chest the darkness surrounding me furthering the anxiety I felt.

2 months ago I'd never be out this late but things had changed and I had changed. I was desperate and when you're desperate you become a person you've never known before.

We came up to a building shrouded in darkness, slipping into its shadows. Under the umbrella, Tika knocked on the door three times, grabbing my arm to making me stand back. We waited for what seemed like longer than a few minutes when a slot under the door opened and Tika slipped something to the other side.

It opened seconds later and a girl glared at both Tika and I as we came in. A small number of girls covered the entire area leaning on furniture. Some were counting money, others were packaging- all were talking but it came to a stop when I stepped into the room.

I puffed out my chest to seem a little tougher under their scrutinizing gaze but I still felt like I was posing. Pretending to be hard when I was really easily breakable.

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Someone new."

"You got cleared for that?" The girl with green hair questioned, leaning on her hip.

"You about to get cleared for an ass-whooping, if you keep asking questions. "Tika gritted through her teeth. "Where's Ann?"

"Where she always is- in the back."

"Thank you." Their eyes had yet to leave me, burning holes into my back as we walked down the long hall. I started to feel more restless, the closer we got to the back and I couldn't control the twitching in my body.

Knocking on a new door, Tika glanced my way sucking her teeth at the sight of my shaking hands.

"You need to get your nerves together. You can't look nervous in front of this girl- you'll look like a pussy."

"I can't help it." I said wiggling my fingers."My body shakes on its own."

"What are you scared for anyway?" Chewing on my bottom lip, I felt embarrassed to say.

"What if she doesn't like me?"

"That's what the hell you're worried about!?"

"She has to like me- if I'm gonna work for her, she has to think of me in a positive light. That's how a good, boss-employee relationship works."

"Fuck Journey," She rubbed the space between her eyes." I forget how you are sometimes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Before she could answer the door opened and a single person moved out of the way showcasing who we needed to see. The Ann-Marie, sat on a table counting her stacks, the hard-earned money she worked for.

You could consider her enigma- her male counterparts taking her as a joke when it came to selling and handling a kingdom. Nothing was funny about how she moved, however, and she proved herself to more ruthless than expected.

Ann-Marie isn't a terrifying name but she makes it scary. She brings dread just by a mere mention and that's power a single person holds. Power that surrounds her crew and everything else she does.

Tika asked me why I was so afraid- the reputation before me proceeded all things especially fear.

"Tika Ray!"Ann gave a fake warm welcome, her eyes bouncing onto me as an intruder."I see you bringing visitors unannounced now."

"I'm bringing you, workers."

"I didn't ask for that." Her mouth was drawn into a frown, prepared to dig into Tika.

"We always could use the help." She attempted before a scoff was heard.

"So, you think we're struggling by ourselves?" Ann asked accusingly, Tika's foot beginning to jump.

"No, I just think-"

"You think about everything else but never think to ask." She pointed at her head, her nails shaped like claws. "Never think to check-in with the person actually in charge."

"Ann-"

"I don't wanna address this in-front of company."She said paying me attention. "Let me hear from her why she's here." Tika started to talk again but Ann raised her hand, cutting her off.

"I wasn't speaking to you, I was speaking to her."

Ann was so intimidating, even with how tiny she was she still had an aura that made her feel bigger, taller, maybe even stronger. She hopped down from the table she sat on and walked up to me, staring straight into my eyes. Her eye contact was scary and made me feel inferior but like I was the only thing in the room.

"Why you here, baby?" Her tone became soft, truly catching me off guard.

"Tika told me you could give me work." I gulped down air before continuing."Easy and quick money."

"That's all you want? Just to pull weight?"

"Yes." I said confidently, hoping Ann couldn't see through my front.

"You don't look built for it, honestly." She clasped her hands together, standing straighter. "But none of us are when we start out."

"I can prove that I'm useful. I run really fast and I've always been good at math." I listed off, looking more awkward than qualified. Ann actually gave me a smile, a ghost of a laugh coming from her throat.

"You don't gotta treat this like an interview, baby." Swiping her tongue over her bottom lip."If Tika trusts you, then I have to trust her word." She gave Tika a slick smirk, Tika keeping her face neutral and her stance calm.

"I'm gonna try you out on a test run and if you do well- we'll continue to talk."

"I don't think you'll be a disappointment."

"Thank you so much for giving me a chance." I gushed, a bit of relief flushing out of me.

"Don't mention it." Ann looked at me longer- suddenly she took ahold of my chin making my heart speed up tenfold. Bringing my face closer to her's, She examined each of my features, her eyebrows scrunching together in deep thought.

"You are so pretty."She mumbled, her eyelids lowered.

"Thank you."

"I'll get out your space since I'm making you uncomfortable." Ann laughed good-naturedly but that didn't make the tension I felt leave my system.

"You aren't."

"Your body language says different." Her hand dropped to her side, and it felt as if our eyes finally broke away from one another. Ann started to talk to another girl as Tika threw her arm over my shoulder giving me a hopeful smile.

Within the crew, there was a huge sense of loyalty. Looking at everyone, I knew I wanted to belong here. I knew if I joined them that I would never be hungry or alone. I knew I would belong to an actual family.

Glancing at Ann, the one person I had to impress- a new feeling sprung up inside of me. Determination. I had to ace my test run, and prove myself and consequently not embarrass Tika.

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 4: Let’s Ms. Behave

Sources:

Charlotte Corday

The British Museum

Brooklyn Museum

Find A Grave

History Channel

UCL Art Museum

Encyclopedia Womannica (Podcast)

The Blonding of Charlotte Corday

Giulia Tofana

Wut. (Podcast)

History Collection

Historical Post

Medium

Mike Dash

Virginia Hill

The Mob Museum

Encyclopedia of Chicago

Alabama

Further reading/watching: The Damned Don’t Cry (1950 film), Bugsy's Baby: The Secret Life of Mob Queen Virginia Hill (eye roll from Alana), Virginia Hill (1974 film)

Click below for a full transcript of the episode!

Lexi: A brief warning about the following episode of Lady History: this episode contains sensitive topics, such as suicide and murder. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. To learn more, visit suicidepreventionhotline.org 

Alana: I think my therapist is listening to our podcast.

Haley: Wait what really?

Alana: Yeah. Because I was looking at like our dem– like our listenership and it said a bunch of people in Arlington and I don't know that many people in Arlington. I know like my mom's... my parents’ like family friend from… my dad like went to high school with them and then they introduced my parents and we call her my Arlington mom and so I was like oh maybe it's her but that's too many people to just be her and I think my therapist lives in Arlington and I told her about this so shout out Dr. Sterman.

Haley: I would love–

Alana: If you’re listening.

Haley: –Your next session she's like ‘by the way I don't listen to your podcast’ even though... and just like out herself from… not super listening but also listening we just had… 

Alana: I might bring it up. I'm seeing her on Tuesday, virtually obviously, but I’m seeing  her on Tuesday.

Haley: ‘Just wondering, do you listen to my podcast?’

Alana: Well I'm going to talk about how like ‘oh I started my podcast and it's doing this this and this for my mental health’ and then be like… just see if she says she’s listening.

Haley: I feel like she wouldn’t though. I feel like she wouldn’t just to…

Alana: I don’t know if she would.

Lexi: Does that cross the like professional boundary?

Haley: Yeah…

Alana: Is that a HIPAA violation?

Lexi: Is it though? It’s only a podcast

Haley: Well none of us are in the medical field.

Lexi: No. We are not.

Alana: Let us know.

Haley: So we can’t have a definitive answer. But I can see someone–

Lexi: Hey if you're in the medical field or are a certified therapist please email us at ladyhistorypod@gmail.com and let us know if listening to your patient’s podcast violates HIPAA.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Thank you. You can also email other stuff there. Don't, don't– you don't have to be a doctor to email us.

Alana: No. I also I have a– because you can do asks on Tumblr, and I have our ask page for the Tumblr– Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com– I have… you can suggest a lady.

Lexi: Please, suggest ladies.

Haley: I would love that.

Lexi: Please suggest ladies to us at Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com.

Alana: You can also DM us, and as previously mentioned if you DM the Instagram that's Lexi and if you DM the Twitter that's me and they're both at LadyHistoryPod. We're gonna plug that again at the end so it's just a constant cycle.

Haley: No one can slide into my DMs. I'll just use one of… if you want to slide into my DMs, use like, the Twitter and just be like this is for Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and they’ll know it’s for me.

Lexi: Okay if you DM or email any of the accounts, if you need the message to go to Haley, please use that name only. Any messages directed to Haley will not be given to her.

Alana: We’ll be like ‘who’s Haley?’

Lexi: So go back–

Haley: I don’t even know what I said. I forgot.

Lexi: No, so go back–

Alana: Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and I will never forget it.

Lexi: Just go back, listen to that however many times you need to to get it in your brain, and then use that when you address Haley in any of your communication to our general inbox.

Alana: Hang on, my light went away because I have to go change Haley’s contact info in my phone.

(Lexi and Alana laughing)

Haley: I really hate if like I am interviewed for a job and they’re like… ‘so…  Twinklebear McPuss-n-Boots… 

(Lexi laughing)

Alana: It was Sprinklebear

Lexi: You didn’t even get it right. She can’t even–

Alana: Sprinkle… Sprinklebear… 

(Lexi laughing)

Haley: I used to have a crush on Puss-n-Boots when Shrek first came out.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History, the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m the next best thing to being in the same room as Lexi. Lexi, what's the name of your favorite plant? 

Lexi: My favorite plant is probably a pothos. Just really cute, a cute plant, a good plant, grows well, grows well in my climate, has not failed me, has not died, so that is why I love the pothos.

Alana: And also in the virtual studio is Haley. Haley, how’s the weather?

Haley: It's quite gloomy. I am in San Francisco so we're still dealing with the wildfires. But I think it's just Karl the fog today.

Alana: Karl the fog?

Haley: Yeah the San Francisco like fog that just like looms over this bay area is called Karl. He even has a Twitter, a whole kids’ picture book. Karl the fog.

Alana: That's giving me An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green vibes.

Haley: And also, oh, the SF MOMA… the new building of it is Karl the fog. It doesn't– it looks kind of like a… like an old time steam iron, like on an ironing board. But it's like meant to be Karl the fog. Or like blend in. Karl just mushes his way through San Francisco.

Alana: Oh my god that's incredible.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: And I'm Alana and I theme my canvas tote bags based on event.

Lexi Nice. Solid.

Alana: Thank you.

Haley: So can I tickle your tastebuds with a fun fact?

Lexi: Oh… oh, tickle away.

Alana (whispering): Tickle your tastebuds… 

Speaker 1: This is either going to be like the best thing I've ever created because like– let me just give you a side note: I thought of this joke while taking shower and was cracking up for ten minutes.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: It's either– it's probably gonna flop. But, with this fun fact– it’s kind of setting the mood for our crime theme and it's about the guillotine and the family of the guillotine, Dr. Joseph– I think his name’s like Ignace? It looks like Ignatio, but it’s like Ignace Guillotin– was so horrified that like their family member invented such like a horrible thing, and if you don't know what the guillotine is, it is basically a big sharp knife that comes down from a pulley, will slice your head off, used in many executions– that they appeal to the French government to change the name and the French government just took it to a step higher and was like no we won't change the name but we will make it one of like the official ways of executing people. more s– to the point that the last execution was like in the 1970s. And this is like across Europe and at least for France it was in 1977. So this is where it gets to my cringy joke because I've used this before. If you want a sick burn while your parents are talking about their childhood and they grew up in like the 60s, 70s, you can just go ‘Pft, the land and time of the guillotine. Such heathens.’ And I like this more than the… the burn that goes like ‘when the dinosaurs roamed’ because dinos just like didn't live when humans lived and it always made me so mad where it’s like I learned that the dinosaurs were born millions of years ago but we have this like iconic just… execution machine that was used for so so long and no one realizes that this was just used until the 70s as a humane way of execution, which like I won't even get into that whole argument. There's so much of a rabbit hole of whether the like guillotine was humane or not. But it's just– it's almost funnier because like it did happen this was an ironic like ‘oh you’re so old you’re like a dinosaur’ this is like ‘you were born when the guillotine was used!’

Alana: Because that's like a burn but it's also true.

Lexi: Yeah. That's the worst kind of burn, I– I mean the best kind of burn because it hurts the worst.

Haley: I once said it to my dad because he was like talking about something when he was like younger and I was like the guillotine just looked at me and was like ‘excuse me?’ I was like ‘you lived during the time of the guillotine, heathen.’ And he was like ‘well…”

Alana: It's true!

Haley: Because he was like ‘no that's like the Middle Ages’ and I was like ‘let me school you on some facts. And that actually is a great segue into my first gal.

Alana: Alright, let's go Haley.

Haley: Uh, so my gal, like Artemisia, we have another one with her own movie. It's an unfortunate movie because I couldn't find it anywhere, but who am I talking about… Charlotte Corday. And other names include… side note, I don’t speak French, I speak Spanish. Please don’t come after me, with my horrible horrible French pronunciations, I had my boyfriend, who speaks some French, pronounce them to me… probably didn't remember anything that he said to me. Her other names are Corday d’Armont, Marie-Anne Charlotte, and now her like more modern name is Charlotte Corday the Assassin. So I love Charlotte as a topic, because other podcasts, like crime, history, women's studies, have covered her to an extent. Like I– you'll see in the show notes I like I've even used her– thanks, Encyclopedia Womannica. But on the other hand, not many people know about her. And they don't even know like her influence with the French Revolution because I've been in like many discussions about like history of crime or what like– the world history that we had to take, and I asked like about her and my even like my history teachers like ‘I don't know who that is’ and everyone just gave me that blank face and it's like wait a minute, this is weird, why isn't this covered. So of course, I'm going to cover it. And let's crack this case wide open before we do a deep dive and go over just like some historical background and some of the people be talking about because I don't want you guys to be lost in this whole mumbo jumbo. So Charlotte was a Girondin sympathizer– again, my French is not good– she came from a family of impoverished aristocrats from a little town outside of Paris, France. And as a noble family she was given the opportunity to go to a formal education, but really this formal education came because her mother and one of her sisters died. And her father was just so grief-stricken and also just couldn't handle the now need to raise two daughters, so he sent them to a Roman Catholic convent so they could get a formal education. During this formal education of hers, she learned about French politics, history of France, and was able to mold her own theories and just ideas about the world around her. Thus, she became a French moderate Republican party member during 1791 and 1793 and this is during the French Revolution.

Alana: I'm guessing that moderate Republican back then doesn't mean the same thing that moderate Republican means now.

Haley: No, not at all. I'll explain more. So that's– this is exactly why I wanted to do our whole kind of let's see the players let's name some names and let's go over some history because just looking at her based on just the woman it's very hard to understand why she's one, seen as a hero; two, seen as a murderous assassin which both are correct in a way.

Lexi: I mean, goals. No I’m just kidding. I’m not condoning murder.

Haley: No so that's basically where she's at in the scope of where she grew up and what role she’ll play in the French Revolution, or what side she was on. And she's also mainly known for murdering Jordian Jean-Paul Marat, and he was on the other side he was Jordian so she was very opposed to his ideals. So again like Alana said is this kind of like what our U. S. politics is like? No, this isn't the Republican Party. However we have two extreme sides and people on one extreme, people on another extreme. That is very much similar. And he was an outspoken leader of the French Revolution to the point where he was the founder of a popular journal, deputy of Paris to the convention, opposed legislation that would hurt the other side, empower him and to Charlotte and other Girondan followers. So now that we cover the big picture ideas and we know the players and we know how extreme both these sides are, let's do our deep dive. She was committed to fighting the Girondist side of the revolution, posing the radical Jacobin faction. So this was right before the Reign of Terror, and why I mention this is because all her actions were to stop a civil war; and the Reign of Terror was a part of the French Revolution that kind of like started the first French Republic and culminated in a series of massacres and like many many public executions. So this is what she tried to stop from happening in French society. However, her whole story and what role she played in the revolution actually caused the Reign of Terror. So that's why for me as– in high school was like why aren't we talking about her and now we're gonna talk about her now. So, we come to the point where our victim Marat was continuing his train of like bloodshed, and was responsible for utter catastrophe, and putting a lot of lives in danger of like the French– like the French people were just terrified of him, to an extent. And that’s why Charlotte just hated him. He was seen as definitely one of the leaders of this one extreme side that had to be taken out. So that's exactly what she kind of planned to do. And she was not in Paris, she was still in another city outside of Paris, France. So, Charlotte stabbed him while he was taking a bath; and that's really the punch line of like her whole story. If you do like a quick Google search you'll get a lot of stuff for her and even in some textbooks that I tried to look at it was just like Charlotte Corday assassin… stabbed Marat in the heart. Really, she stabbed him in a planned assassin while he was taking a bath. I'm gonna just go through the accounts of this whole story because they're not really pieced together in one area and I'm going to piece them together now so you can understand why he was like in a bathtub, why she stabbed him, and so on. Because this just sounds so strange and it's really strange to see this as your history. So the planned assassin started because she wanted, like I said, to stop from a civil war happening in France, and she truly believed that to do this you have to kill one of the leaders; and also to an extent make the other side seem strong in that way. Like if you kill one of the leaders, you prove that the other side is just as strong or stronger. So she originally planned to kill him at a Bastille Day parade to make a huge show of it and this was on July 14th 1793. Unfortunately, or fortunately for her plans in a sense the event was just like it either didn't happen or it became apparent that Marat was not going to be at that public event. So she quickly had to say okay what else can I do, how can… what will be the next step to kill him. On July 13th, so the day before this event was supposed to happen, she was able to get a meet and greet with him or just gain access to him by saying and promising to betray her political side and give some insider secrets– like name names, basically become a traitor. And Marat was like cool you're definitely high up in the Girondin side of it, let you like, come into our area, we’ll hold– like we’ll basically keep you hostage, in a sense, like that's the feel I got… like Marat was also like come to our side because if anything happens you'll be on our turf; and she did. She was like cool, great. You don't know I'm gonna kill you, you think I'm gonna come and like give you all my secrets and then you'll protect me in a way. So Marat was having this meeting in the bathtub, but this was a very normal occurrence for him because he had a terrible skin disease or infection that he would just be in the bath all the time, like the water soothed him. So he was just very vulnerable, but that was his normal state– like nothing was wrong with him taking a meeting in the tub… so like she could be alone with him. It would be more weird if they were just walking around in the streets together. And instead of having this whole conversation that Charlotte said she would, she took this knife out of her bodice that she was just like hiding there and stabbed him in the chest.

Haley: He died almost immediately; and she actually waited for the police to come. She did not run away– she waited and confessed, essentially. She was proud of what she did, she wanted this assassination like the public assassin– assassination to still have some sort of effect on the public to show that her side did it to the other side, she is responsible for ma–Marat, and she did it as this political leader, in a sense. So at the trial, she allegedly proclaimed ‘I killed one man to save a hundred thousand’ and she kept reiterating that this was in fact a planned assassination, this wasn't out of passion. She took some thought, even wrote down like accounts and like had this whole… I saw like some people called it a journal or like statement– different written statements basically on her thoughts of an upcoming civil war and what she thought she was doing to help prevent that. She was also able, before the trial she was able to write down like write a letter and write her thoughts, feelings, concerns to her father. So her father was still alive and was able to get this kinda like last testimony of hers. And of course during this trial because she did essentially plead guilty… she was ordered to be executed via guillotine just four days after the murder; so July 17th 1793. And another quote from a lawyer from all this whole trial came from I think this was a man named Vergniaud, but I couldn't find this quote as in from like a reputable source as yes this was him, so could have been just another lawyer and not this guy. However, someone as a witness to this whole trial on this whole ordeal said ‘She is leading us to our death, but she is showing us how to die’ and it was because he, as a lawyer, saw this whole thing, saw her whole plan, and knew okay this is going to become a massive shit show. Like this won't end well. She is not preventing a civil war; she actually just started a whole other battle. However, she is showing us how to die with dignity, and showing how to like own up to the actions and just just die. Essentially die because a lot of people through the Reign of Terror did die. So you thought I'd be done– and I know this is gonna be my longest but this is such a great great story– because now we get into her overall death legacy, and we do know a lot of things, unlike Amelia Earhart where we just don't know what happened to her after death. A lot of this we still have artifacts and evidence of. She overall became this French savior, like the savior of French society in her circle. Months after her death, there are just so many portraits of her in different scenarios; short hair, long hair– like I needed to go back and make sure these were the same Charlotte Corday and if there could have been multiple Charlotte's just to make sure that these images looked so vastly different. And it was because people wanted to show that she was just this holy woman and ladies now weren't the ones who are supposed to be stuck in the kitchen with raising the kids. They had the power to do something in life and in society, but they also had a spin on it, so like– like I said, she was seen as a savior, this holy woman, goddess… like they even used her Christian name so Marie-Anne Charlotte, which she– to my knowledge, and to my research didn't necessarily go by that name. But there are definitely images of that name and her with very fair skin, white, brunette hair, looking very womanly and accentuating her womanly features. So that really pissed off the other side. Like all Marat’s supporters, they were absolutely flabbergasted that she was getting such a reputation. They thought this can't be happening; she just murdered one of our political leaders, and she was executed for it, why is everyone trying to kind of put this holy cap on her. And yes, that worked to an extent, like their outcry, because like yes she did murder someone. But it didn't help enough, and there were women in French society who did try to distance themselves from her and just for ideas of what women should be like. But, Charlotte did such a good job at like the legend of her as a woman, even before she died, that it didn't matter. Like I read an article about whether she had blonde hair or chestnut brown hair from a 2004 academic article; like this is still being discussed. And she had a part of her reputation– like she knew that whether it started a civil war or not she needed to form her own reputation. And there's even accounts that she witnessed the paintings and drawings of her that would be published and printed post-execution, and she gave comments. She was like no no no no, make me look more like a schoolgirl; or like make me more with curly hair. I don't really know the specifics but it was documented that she would give kind of suggestions on how she would look like. So while she did it, she tried so hard to like make herself look like this holy woman, and yes it did work. Marat, when he died, one of his very close friends, Jacques-Louis David painted the classic portrait or classic image, not portrait The Death of Marat, which is capturing the scene of his death and that is still considered like a classic image and the classic picture from– especially from the French Revolution. So I don't– I don't want to go as far as saying either Charlotte's portrayed as this holy one or this heinous, murderous, like scoundrel because both of them have lasted to this point in history that no one can make up their mind whether this was like a good thing that happened or a bad thing that happened. And I don’t even– I don’t even want to put out like in the universe whether we should have the discussion; if we should say like yes or no. I just wanna give you the facts and let you kind of like decide but that is Charlotte Corday.

Lexi: She is very interesting.

Alana: Yeah that's real cool. That's fun. That was a good transition for… from the guillotine to…

Lexi: Yes, good choice.

Alana: Charlotte Corday. I’m glad we let you go first.

Lexi: Alana hit us. Hit us with it. Don't hit us please don't hit me.

Alana: I won’t hit you. Okay so I will be talking about Giulia Tofana. Um.. Ooooh Haley's face, I'm so excited. I feel like– I hope I do this justice. Oh no. She is Giulia but it’s spelled G-I-U because she's Italian. Okay. So. I like to give credit as we've seen in the past like where I have first found out about my stories. And so I first found out about Ms. Tofana– I should I should call her Giulia not Ms. Tofana because there’s another Tofana, her mother’s name is also Tofana. I heard about this for the first time on Wut. W-U-T which is another great edutainment podcast by women. I'm gonna promo them without needing a sponsorship or a collab because women supporting women. So if you like us, go check them out. That was fun. They're not specifically women's history they're just kind of fun facts in general so not as niche as us but still pretty cool. And then I heard about that podcast from my friend Jesse on Twitter… I think we're friends I don't know I think we're friends… so shout out to Jesse. So Giulia Tofana, G-I-U because she's Italian, lived in the seventeenth century. Exact dates are kind of weird because she was a woman and not highborn. Best guess she was born in Palermo in Sicily. Her mother was executed for poisoning her father, possibly because he was abusive. This is a thing– like a running theme that we’ll see it later. Also later, Giulia's husband died mysteriously, probably also poisoned, probably also abusive. So she moved to Rome at some point in the 1630s-ish, probably, as a widow with her daughter to sell cosmetics and be apothecaries and poison people. Dun dun dun… 

Alana: So women in the seventeenth century have so many options. They can be sex workers, they can be essentially auctioned off to almost always abuse of older men and then later if their husbands died become respected widows. Those are your options. So many! So many options! What– how are you going to pick, so many things.

Lexi: The amount of choices is staggering.

Alana: Paralyzed by choice, really. My sources call these women ‘aspiring windows’ as if they are gold diggers and not battered women with no escape. I love– I love that like my running theme is criticizing my sources. That's my thing. Giulia crafted essentially her own poison. Created her own poison, or what by all accounts… she was the one who came up with this. Between like her and her mother and her daughter they came up with this poison called aqua tofana, named after her. It's a combination of arsenic and belladonna and lead, which are things that are already in cosmetics at the time but not quite lethal, still have problems, but not lethal unless they're ingested. And so having these things on a vanity looks totally normal. And so Giulia, as someone who experienced abuse, who had watched her mother get executed for defending herself, essentially… I am not condoning murder, and I know it's never good to say something at the beginning of a sentence like ‘I'm not condoning murder’ and then doing ‘but’... I feel like… there are no options.

Lexi: Self defense.

Alana: Self defense.

Lexi: And it seems very clear– again, we don't know the whole situation but it seems very clear that she was in a bad situation.

Alana: A bad situation. Yeah

Lexi: We are not the judge, jury, or the executioner so we can't say.

Alana: So she, having probably been abused and having watched her mother probably been abused and watched her mother get executed for essentially defending herself… she's going to help these other women get out of their marriages in such a way that it can't be traced. Because this poisoning with this mixture of belladonna and arsenic and lead, it takes really long for someone to die. Really long is like two to three days, but it also looks like natural causes or another illness which always happened in the 1600s. People got sick and died and that was just normal. And it gave these men time to get their affairs in order and to confess their sins and in a very Catholic area at a very Catholic time you like automatically got into heaven as long as you confessed your sins. So since these people had time to confess their sins, our murderess wouldn't have to feel so guilty that she was condemning her husband to hell even though he was probably hurting her. It only takes four to six drops to kill someone, depending on their size and all of that other stuff. And another side fact, side fun fact: Mozart, who nobody knows how Mozart died, Mozart wholeheartedly believed that he was poisoned with aqua tofana, but nobody knows. I feel so good that Haley is just nodding fervently. I feel like I'm doing a good job. Thank you for that.

Haley: I've awkwardly read so much on arsenic poisoning. Just so much so, but yes you are correct. There are probably just so many people who died of arsenic poison in the 1600s because autopsies weren’t like what we have today where you can do a toxicology, so so many people would seem like they were getting ill, because a lot of the times it just looks like a common cold or flu-like symptoms, they just weren't feeling good. But then they would die so now people do toxicology because it's a thirty year old man with no pre-existing conditions. But when you're talking about it in the 1600s it's like ‘oh they got sick we don't have modern medicine to help out.’

Alana: Nobody knows what's happening, essentially. It's like ‘oh no another person got sick.’ So Giulia Tofana sold this with her daughter and some employees at this family business, essentially, which is a weird way to think about it– that the family business is murder. They operated like this for about fifty years, for decades. And… at least the estimated number is something like six hundred plus people died because she sold their wives poison. But she got caught, and legend has it– and there are so many foggy details but this seems way too specific so I think like somebody exaggerated but, one of her clients who had bought the aqua tofana to poison her husband had poisoned a bowl of soup but decided, ‘no, I can’t. I can’t kill someone’ and dramatically knocked it out of his hand. And that's where I am thinking this… somebody exaggerated. Somebody made this up because that's way too specific. But she stopped her husband from eating the soup and confessed her crimes and turned in Giulia Tofana and her daughter and their three employees at the business. And all of them were executed. Under torture, of course, it's the seventeenth century, she turned on a bunch of her clients as well. So a bunch of her clients were also executed. Some of them were not executed, because they claimed that they didn't know that it was poison and it was just ‘oh no, I spilled some of my lotion in my husband’s soup… Oops. Oopsie poopsies I’m only like fourteen I don't know any better.’ I made myself laugh with that one I’m sorry. But those people were spared. So there is something to… was Giulia a hero, was she a murderess, could both of those things be true…

Lexi: Was she an anti-hero?

Alana: She's kind of an anti-hero. I think that's what we’re going for.

Haley: I like that, I like anti-hero.

Alana: I think– I also think like–

Lexi: Like a Robin Hood, but murder.

Alana: Batman, but murder. Does Batman kill people?

Lexi: Robin Hood stole things, he didn't kill anyone. This is like the Robin Hood of murdering people.

Alana: Sure.

Lexi: It's like murder the rich, give to the wife?

Alana: Vigilante!

Lexi: I don't know. Vigilante murder, yeah.

Haley: So far we’re on the track of like ‘our criminals are good, question mark?’

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Mine was definitely a criminal, but we'll get in that.

Alana: Well, I am done. So, Lexi let’s get into that.

Lexi: What a segue! Okay. So my lady, though definitely also had a lot of background trauma as it seems that a lot of these ladies had definitely did crime. So we'll just jump in. Have you guys ever heard of the queen of the mob?

Haley: Yes. I'm so excited that you're doing this one.

Alana: Maybe. You'll have to tell me her name.

Lexi: Okay.

Haley: This is truly like my favorite episodes so far, and I like hate when people like get really into criminals like some people, like for Jeffrey Dahmer, people love him, think he's like the most beautiful man, same with Ted Bundy, and that's not where my head is at.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: I have a true fascination with the history of crime, death, medicine, and how our society perceives it now. When I say I love these people or I love these stories that is not where I'm going.

Lexi: You're not doing the whole crime fandom crush thing.

Haley: No.

Alana: I have seen people get like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer's signatures tattooed on themselves.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: Yeah

Lexi: And I don't condone that.

Alana: No we don't like that.

Lexi: But you can be interested in crime especially because as someone who has taken courses in the forensic realm… and who likes bones, and likes that kind of thing, I think you can be interested in the human phenomenon.

Alana: As academics.

Haley: That’s where we’re at for me.

Alana: Not as fanatics.

Lexi: Yes, yes.

Haley: I was listening to like you guys speak and kind of like going back in my head like oh, I seem like such a psycho when I’m like ‘I love Charlotte’ like she is just a fascinating human.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Well now we’ve clarified which is good.

Haley: She assassinated someone. And assassinations aren’t swell.

Lexi: But like when you think about like what is interesting on TV, or like what is interesting in our fiction, it's because humans have a general interest. So–

Haley: I wanna write a whole paper on that. Just truly that whole concept.

Lexi: So the queen of the mob, Virginia Hill. You can learn about her at the Mob Museum, people are really really fascinated with her and her story is really interesting. And she was born on August 26, 1916 in a place called Lipscomb, Alabama. I might have said that wrong, you know general– general reminder I say things wrong sometimes. She was born on her father's horse farm. Her father was abusive and he actually beat her and her siblings when they were children and one day she got really fed up with him attacking her and her little siblings so she hit him with a hot skillet in self defense. At the age of fourteen, Virginia married a man named George and three years later the couple moved to Chicago. When they got there she dumped him because you realize the world is a lot bigger than her hometown in Alabama, and so seventeen year old Virginia wanted to start her life anew. At the time, the 1933 Chicago Century of Progress Exposition, which is a World's Fair style event, and it was conceived to bring hope in the wake of the Great Depression that was happening. So Virginia took a job dancing, like as a shimmy dancer, so she had a really unique–

Alana: What– what does shimmy dancer mean? Like a go-go dancer? Like a str– like what?

Lexi: I think you dance shimmy like you shake back and forth and you wear tassels, I believe.

Alana: Dream job.

Lexi: But someone feel free to correct me.

Haley: Yeah, I was thinking one of those 1920s cigarette girls.

Lexi: Yeah that could probably be it because this is a similar era.

Haley: Like they would have like the thing that went over them holding a plate platter like tray that they would just like walk around, dance around, and you can buy stuff from them.

Lexi: Yeah. It could possibly be akin to that. When the fair ended, Virginia became a waitress at one of Al Capone's old haunts the San Carlo Italian Village, which is a restaurant not a town. I had to Google that. Though Capone was at that time in prison, he went to prison in 1931, the community of criminals that he had built was still thriving, and it was– it was in this role as a waitress serving tables of America’s mobsters that Virginia met the man who would change her life. His name was Joe Epstein. He was an accountant and bookkeeper for Capone's crime family, and he took a liking to Virginia’s style, and that doesn't mean like her physical attractiveness… she had a certain style of a way that she talked to the mobsters, and she seemed to really have like a no-nonsense kind of ability to deal with the mobsters, which is really unique in a girl so young. So he felt he could trust her, and he took her on as a money launderer for his racketeering. She laundered the money by placing large bets on horses in Chicago's racetracks. She later moved into betting scams which is basically when she learned how from Joe to collect bets on fixed boxing matches. So the matches will be predetermined, but she would encourage people to bet the losing side. Virginia didn't just launder money. Joe taught her how to dress and act like a rich woman, and used her to cross state lines with stolen furs, jewels, and other items, because of course no one would suspect a nice, rich lady of stealing things and crossing state lines with them. The craziest part is that this all happened before Virginia even turned twenty. So by the age of twenty she was wearing really wealthy clothes, working really wealthy circles, and basically was a part of the mob. Over time, Hill became a trusted cash carrier, money launderer, and information gatherer for Joe and the rest of Capone's crew. She had many rich boyfriends and often used these relationships to benefit her mob family. In one instance she dated an oil tycoon named Major Riddle. No, you cannot make up this name, and yes, I wrote in my script to pause for insane laughter but no one is laughing. I think his name is hilarious.

Haley: I think that’s the best name ever.

Alana: We're on meat. We're on mute. Lexi that's why we're not laughing you didn't... they won’t be able to see the face that I made.

Lexi: Yeah. That's true. I forgot. Well anyway she dated this oil tycoon Mr. Riddle and she convinced him to give her money for investments that were like completely fake and she took that money back to her boy Joe. And Hill used her womanly charm, and by that I mean she seduced men. And through these methods she was able to obtain valuable information for her mob bros. Joe encourage Virginia to move out east to build connections between Chicago and New York crime syndicates. In New York, she laundered money and met many more men including a Mexican night club dancer named excuse my pronunciation, if this is wrong, Miguelito Valdez. At some point Virginia marriedValdez to help him maintain his residence in the United States. And then Virginia, at the same time as this marriage, had an on and off affair with Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel who is a really famous leader in organized crime.The pair is well known to have real chemistry so this wasn't just considered to be a case of her seducing someone. They think that she genuinely liked him And unfortunately at the time Bugsy was married to another woman. In 1940, he was sent to jail on a murder charge. While Bugsy was in jail, Virginia tricked Valdez into signing divorce papers. And it was all very “90 day fiance” of her if you ask me. It is unclear if it was through her marriage or not but at some point Virginia had become very fluent in Spanish. She used her newfound language skills to begin trafficking drugs particularly heroin from Mexico to Chicago. In the 1940s, she attempted to start a career acting in Hollywood while transferring cash from New York to Chicago to LA. Meanwhile, Bugsy was setting up his new crime life in Las Vegas which he believed was the new up and coming resort destination for Americans and in hindsight he was probably right. He wanted Virginia to join him and she did but mainly only to spy on his activities and report back to her other mob leaders like Joe. Unfortunately, Bugsy’s biggest dreams were dashed when his resort project the “Flamingo” failed. He had drowned too much money into elabore improvements to the resort and lost cash when lucky winners struck it big in his casino. In a desperate attempt to save the business, he closed the casino and reopened the Flamingo as a hotel only, which sadly was unsuccessful, because we all know how Vegas went. Hill received orders to leave Las Vegas, so she did. 12 days later, someone shot Bugsy dead in their home. In 1950, Virginia went to a ski resort in Idaho, which I didn’t know you could ski in Idaho, but apparently you can. And she fell in love with an instructor named Hans Hauser. Again, very “90 Day Fiance” of her. Though she was still laundering money and Hauser was not a criminal, he still wanted to marry her. The couple eloped and had a son named Peter. Later that year, Virginia was subpoenaed to appear in a trial on organized crime which would be shown on National TV. She arrived like a star, dressed from head to toe in expensive clothing and jewelry. As a witness, she served her crime family well, evading details and giving vague, basic answers to in depth questions. She used creative lies to explain away all the cash she had laundered, explaining how she had bet money on horses to win her initial cash. She also insisted that most of her wealth came from gifts of suitors, or as we would probably call them today her sugar daddies. Now quick side note- this kinda gives me vibes of the musical Chicago and that song about the main character’s testimony, where she basically used her charm and virtue as a woman to get out of murder. “Well I can’t help it sir, I am just so beautiful men flock to me and give me free things.” On the stand, Virinigia denied that her male friends and lovers were racketeers. When the investigators caught her in her lies, she simply denied knowledge of the nature of their work. “But I never knew anything about their business” she would say. She denied her ability to have any financial knowledge, you know, because she was a lady, and ladies don’t do money things.

Alana: Ladies don’t money.

Lexi: Ladies never money.

Alana: Women be shopping but women don’t be money.

Haley: I love the comparison, like this whole story cuz this is so much like Charlotte. Both of these ladies are trying to be like, “Oh women do this, this is how women look, look how beautiful we are.

Lexi: That’s the vibe. That’s the vibe she was going for. The investigators were still suspicious, it did not work. Because, you know, it was about to be the sixties I mean it was the fifties but was about to be the sixties and so women were going to be liberated. As Virginia left the trial, she cursed out the press and she punched a reporter in the face. Then as she got her car she told reporters she hoped an atomic bomb would be dropped on them, which I think is a timely thing to say. This was right after World War II. That- That’s a big insult. That’s really mean.  Virginia and Hans then realized that they needed to leave America so they moved to Europe. The IRS was still on Virginia's tail and she knew she could not return to the States ever again. She met up with her old boyfriends and colleagues while they were in Europe and it was clear she still received money from her life's consistent characters like Joe. In the nineteen sixties Virginia and her family settled in Austria and her mental health rapidly declined.

Viriginia had suffered with her mental health through most of her adult life, getting hooked on sleeping pills and almost dying from a sleeping pill overdose on at least one occasion. Her life was turbulent, her trauma was intense, and she survived at least three separate suicide attempts. On cold, winter’s day,  March 24th, 1966, in Austria, Virginia took her own life. Pedestrians taking a walk along the water found her body, laying in the snow, along with a note stating the reason for her death, “I am tired of life”. Her husband Hans also took his own life, passing in 1974. Their son Peter, who would go on to become an American soldier and veterean of the Vietnam War, died in a car accident 20 years later. The family is buried together, in Salzburg, Austria. To this day, some crime enthusiasts believe Virginia may have been murdered, force fed pills as a method to hide a murder as suicide of someone with a history of mental illness. Though her apparent struggles with her mental health throughout her life really suggest this theory is unlikely. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood and instead of getting help she needed, she was married off and eventually she was convinced to do crime. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it's possible some for mental health issues stem from that early trauma. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood, and instead of getting the help she needed, she was married off. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it is possible some of her mental health issues stemmed from that early trauma. I think Virginia also teaches us that it took more than men to make the Mobs of early and mid century America function.  Virginia was often called the mistress of the mob, but that’s not fair- she wasn’t a mistress of the mob, she was a member of the mob. Women, both those whose stories are recorded and those whose stories were forgotten, played central roles in organized crime. So maybe next time you think about famous figures like Al Capone, think of the women like Virginia Hill who supported the crimes too. And that’s why we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly of women’s history, because there are so many stories that go untold.

Alana: That was so beautiful.

Haley: That was mind blowing.

Lexi: Thank you! I am gonna leave in you guys calling it beautiful too!

Alana: That was incredible.

Lexi: I really thought about that really hard.

Alana: Holy shit!

Haley: I truly love that like all our stories had a moral like that the ending for Alana was also just like you have to face that you're a killer that's a no no and like Lexi here with mental health and then me being like it's not all black and white you’re both bad people!

Alana: Nuance and context is like my mantra these days.

Lexi: That’s academics.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: Nuance and context as academics.

Lexi  As people who studied at a university. Oh my.

Alana: I have a bachelor's degree.

Lexi: Mhmm. Is this podcast just proof to your parents that you got a bachelor's degree?

Alana: No, they paid for it.

Lexi: They know.

Alana: They know.

Lexi: They suffered.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show, keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, Garageband, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to be in the kitchen cooking up some great stories about famous women chefs and cooks alike. 

Alana: WHERE WE BELONG.

Lexi: In the kitchen.

Alana: /s.