#like this is very easy to read over and simply accept bc it's such a small paragraph and also it's not presented as something super bad?

[agardenintheshire]

tolkien (a studied linguist) and me (has taken their fair share of linguistic classes) staring at each other after the narrator casually drops that the hobbits just 'forgot' their languages and simply adopted the common speech as if that is a normal thing that happens out of the blue and isn't connected to at best cultural assimilation and at worst colonialism, imperialism, and oppression

[latenightdaydreams]

Alright hear me out

König and insecure reader; like he is head over heels puppy dog following them around and the reader is like “ofc he doesn’t like me we’re just friends” bc of insecurity

And and then he makes very soft advances which turns into a soft session on the couch during like a movie night 😔🙏

I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS PLOT

König x BestFriend!Reader (fem)

MDNI🔞

Master List✍🏽

>cw: fem/afab, fluff, oral, p in v, insecurity

1.8k word count

🛋️

.

.

The second König met you; it was as if he found his soul mate. Normally people fear him due to his height, but you never even mentioned it. You both met freshman year in high school at a welcoming event. In the corner of the gymnasium, you simply walked up to König and began to speak to him as if you knew him. He just gazed down at you, studying your face and realizing he was falling in love. You’ve been inseparable ever since.

 A decade later and you're now both in your early twenties and still see each other every day. Even for simple things like grocery trips. You both walk close together as he listens to you talk about your day at work. He holds the basket for you as he always does, his pale blue eyes gazing down at you with a certain sparkle in them.

“Do you want to get some snacks? Maybe we can watch a movie after we unload everything?” He rubs your arm gently as he waits for your response.

“Uh, yeah.”

You can’t help but to smile bashfully up at him. He touches you as if you’re the most delicate thing in the world and it makes you feel calm; at home. In an attempt to detach yourself for the feeling you look away and step forward, grabbing a bag of candy.

König’s eyes follow you as you step forward, his hand lingering in the air for a moment as he debates reaching out for you again. Knowing that you aren’t the most comfortable with physical affection, he decides against it. Your skin is so soft that the feeling lingers on the tips of his fingers. His eyes trail down your body as you have your back to him, you’re so perfect.

When you turn back around König stands there with a big smile on his face, making you smirk. “What?”

“Nothing, Maus. Let’s check out and hurry home.” König held his arm out for you to hold as you both walked back, you accept. 

One thing consumes König’s mind. You. As he drives you both back to your apartment his mind is racing with different thoughts of how he would love to express to you how much he loves you, how beautiful your body is. There is no easy way to do this; he either gets the love of his life or he loses you forever.

Back at your apartment König helps you unload your groceries before he heads to your living room to begin looking for a movie while you went to your room to change. Feeling self-conscious, you put on a pair of black leggings and a baggy shirt in an attempt to hide your body. The way your stomach looks when you sit makes you uncomfortable.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by König. His eyes trace down your body, still able to see some of your stunning shape, but he’s upset that you treat your body as if it’s bad. If only you could read König’s thoughts, then you’d never lack confidence again.

“Come, sit.” König pats the seat next to him.

When you sit, he scoots a little closer and rests his arm across your shoulders. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah.” You say softly.

König presses play and the opening credits for a recently released horror movie begins to play. You feel your body naturally relaxing into his, the warmth from his body is welcoming. His hand pulls you into him more, wanting you even closer.

“You can relax.” He says with a light hearted giggle.

You smirk and adjust the way you’re sitting so that you’re cuddling his body. One of your hands rests on his stomach feeling his solid body and gently moving your fingers in a soft pattern. He lets out a pleased hum as his hand rubs your arm.

“You smell so good, Maus.” König whispers as he leans in to smell the top of your head before planting a soft kiss.

You can help but to feel your face heat up but you keep your eyes on the movie and ignore his kiss. It’s just a friendly gesture. Then he kisses you again and his hand moves from your arm to your waist. Instantly you can feel your heart sink, as his fingers gently rub back and forth on your stomach. You don’t want him to be disgusted.

König isn’t. He loves your stomach, he loves to touch it. He would plant a million kisses across it until you’re convinced that you’re truly beautiful.

A few minutes pass before his fingers gently graze the hem of your shirt before slipping under. His warm fingers leave a trail of arousal in their wake. Your muscles tense feeling his surprising touch. You swallow hard, but say nothing; only encouraging König to go further.

“You feel so soft…” He whispers as his palm spreads out across your abdomen.

You raise your head from his chest and look up into his blue eyes. His lips and pull back into a warm smile as he studies your face for a moment. At this moment, he’s unsure if he should just kiss you or…

König’s other hand comes up and cups your jaw, tilting your head up more. Without hesitation he leans in and presses his lips against yours. Your eyes flutter closed as you return the kiss. It’s a timid kiss at first, as if the both of you can’t believe it’s finally happening.

When you pull away König only leans in more, he isn’t ready for the kiss to end yet. He breathes you in, the taste of your lips is overwhelmingly sweet. His hand on your stomach slips up towards your breasts, squeezing one through the cup.

“Come here.” König whispers when he pulls away from you.

As if you weight nothing, König effortlessly moves your body so that you’re laying down on your back. You gaze up at him as his eyes stay glued to your body. He slowly lifts your shirt up, exposing your light-colored bra and the supple flesh of your abdomen. His eyes trail down to the waistband of your leggings before meeting your gaze again.

“You’re so beautiful. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” König says as he lowers his head to place lingering kisses down your chest and stomach.

König gently slips his hands up your back to unhook your bra, his eyes widening slightly when he finally sees your breasts. They’re perfect. His mouth instantly latches to your nipple, his other hand groping and squeezing the other breast. You close your eyes and let out a small moan, allowing yourself to relish in the moment with König.

König sits back and pulls his shirt off, tossing it aside. It’s not the first time you’ve seen his body, but this time feels so much different. Your eyes look up and down, taking in every detail of his pale skin. When his hands reach for your waist-band you put your hand on his, stopping him.

“Wait.”

“What’s wrong?” König’s pale blue eyes now darkened by how dilated his pupils are.

“What if you… don’t like it.”

König looks at you so confused. His eyes drop and trail over your body again, tugging slightly at your leggings to reveal more of your lower stomach and hips. He drops his head and begins to kiss along the edge, causing your body to tense with pleasure. Your fingers comb through his blond hair as you watch him.

“I love every inch of you. Everything about you. I always have.” König says as he pulls your leggings down alone with your underwear. His eyes trail over the beautiful mound between your legs and down your thick thighs. He takes his time pulling your leggings completely off of your legs.

You shiver as you feel his warm breath waft across the sensitive flesh of your thighs. Propped up on your elbows, you look down at him with a nervous yet excited look in your eyes as he parts your thighs. His lips continue with their trail of kisses back and forth between your inner thighs. The smell of your arousal is strong and consuming König’s senses; all he can think of is the fact he finally gets to taste you.

König’s eyes meet yours for a quick second before looking back between your legs. There is a pearly white bead of your arousal lingering between your lips, teasing his tongue. His head lowers and he flicks his tongue out, slipping between your folds. A moan leaves his lips as his eyes close for a moment, you taste divine. He buries his face in between your legs, his tongue desperately licking over your sensitive little clit; sucking on it slightly.

“Oh god, König.” You moan breathlessly.

“Maus, you’re perfect.” König says as he gasps for air coming back up.

He moves his hands from your thighs to his pants so he can undo them, eager to finally feel your wrapped around his aching cock. His tongue slips down and swirls around the entrance of your tight cunt before pulling away. Your eyes follow him as he stands to fully undress. When you see his cock for the first time your jaw drops. He is absolutely massive.

König smirks, looking at your face as you take him in. He adjusts his body to loom over yours, fitting between your legs. There is a moment where you both simply look into each other’s eyes, no words needed to express the mutual love between the both of you. His hands run from your breasts down to your legs.

The tip of his cock presses against you, König doesn’t break eye contact wanting to see your expression when you feel him for the first time. He thrust forward softly, his fat cock spreading your lips as he buries himself deep inside of you. Your eyes flutter shut as a loud pathetic mewl leaves your lips.

“Look at me, Liebling. Please don’t close those eyes.”

König speaks with a strained voice as he gently rocks his hips. The feeling of your tight wet pussy is almost enough to make him cum with barely any friction. His eyes are locked on to yours, the expressions of passion in them sends a shiver down his spine. He leans forward, resting slightly on your body as he begins to thrust into you more passionately. König’s lips press against yours leaving sloppy absentminded kisses on your neck as his moans mix with yours.

“Ich liebe dich, Maus.” König moans. “So much.”

The movie fades into the background, neither one of you even aware of what the plot is at this point. Sounds of orgasmic pleasure and bodies clashing drowns out all other sounds. It’s just you and König. The way it was always meant to be.

[prettyboykatsuki]

fang i used to never understand queerplatonic relationships (never judged!! just couldnt quite grasp the concept) until i read over your feelings/situation and i think i finally get it now and i realize i was in some sort of queerplatonic (borderline) situationship back in high school 😭😭 i never knew how to explain the relationship me and this dude had but i think that best describes it 🧍🏻🧍🏻🧍🏻crazy

the reason i always defend queer platonic relationships is because they are Not the same as friendship and i dont think its easy to understand why that is unless you have firsthand experience with the feeling.

(and this ask is not to u anon!!! but to other people in general. im so so glad that the term queerplatonic is helping u define ur emotions towards someone!!! )

like. i get it. i get why people equate these things. i get why people see the notion of deep platonic intimacy and associate with the idea with friendship. i get why the instinctual reaction to an unfamiliar relationship dynamic is seeing it as an annoying gen z semantics thing and choosing to invalidate it

but qprs are so very different from friendship and romance - both semantically and logistically no matter what anyone says. they are probably closer to something in the middle.

i think the reason people want these things to be the same so badly is because society at large is obsessed with defining relationships through hierarchy. and in that hierarchy - romance is always at the top of the totem pole so anything outside of that must be either Serious Platonic Friendship or Familial Love. our social view of love is very binary and rigid and a lot of this is proved in fandom culture itself.

on top of that it is also a matter of access. often, when people hear the term queer platonic they assume immediately that it's another - more inaccessible kind of friendship and that it's intentionally trying to put hierarchy on what is actually just best friendship which is not true. the label was never intended for that. it was coined by aroaces looking for life partnership and commitment most similar to romantic relationships but not.

in the first place, invalidating the harmless labeling of a relationship bc you find it annoying is asshole behavior lmao. but refusing to acknowledge that there are people who experience something that you dont and then overall insisting whatever their lived experience may be is false is insane asshole behavior shskjdfjs.

qprs are their own separate Thing. but they are relationships informed by commitment that is simply not normal in our society for friendship no matter how much people insist on it. the only time that kind of friendships is acceptable is usually between cis women which by definition makes that version of intimate platonic friendship inaccessible to everyone else.

and they are like every other relationship in our society in which the nitty gritty details can only be defined by the people within them. they are platonic committed relationships defined as being Queer in how they exist because the behavior and aspects in them would generally be considered unconventional to other, not queer people. and tbh!!!!! even to queer people sometimes fuck!!!!!

i get really defensive about this because its my lived experience several times over. in fact discussing it now just gave me a huge OHHH SHIT moment about my current situation

[danikamariewrites]

imagine dark reader who is azriels sister x lucien, she is possessive and obssesed with lucien and has plotted her way into his life. From the second she lied her eyes on him when he and feyre came to velaris she knew she had to have him no matter what. reader goes to great lenghts to make sure nothing stands between her and her precious lucien. She pushes elain towards her brother and slides in comments about how they make a great couple and that the mating bond isn’t really a big deal. She cringes while she says it bc she would kill for a mating bond with lucien, and cannot stand how elain is ignoring him. it enrages reader so much but also pleases her bc now she has him all to her self. Now lucien turns to reader for comfort and ofc reader gives him just what he needs. when they share their first night, she almost doesn’t let him leave their bed, she knows how charming he can be and the thought of someone being on the recieving end is nauseating. and anytime she hears the ic says something sbout lucien she defends him to no end, even with him there, she almost lets her mask slip, she calls mor out calmly when mor says something mean about him being there for starfall. still the next day someone broke into mors house and ruined all her dresses. no one knows who did it👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

please you would write this so good, like i’ve read through everything you’ve written. pls i’m so desperate for lucien being protected, i’d pay so much money for s fic. literally like do you take comissions??? i’d pay frrrrr

Fox Hunter

Lucien x Az’s sister!reader

A/n: As soon as I saw this I put my glasses on and opened my laptop. I love evrything about this and loved writing it. And thank you very much for reading all my stuff and liking it anon, that means a lot.

on the topic of commisions (it's been on my brain for a while), I have been thinking about setting something up to do them for a while now. So if that's something you guys are interested in let me know. I'll probably do a poll or something.

Warnings: dark!reader, manipulation, Elain slander, suggestive

When he stepped through the front door of the Town House for the first time I swear I stopped breathing. Though he was caked in dirt and tired looking, the seventh son of the Autumn High Lord had to be the most beautiful male I had ever seen.

His that tan skin glowed under the Fae lights. The scar over his eye gave him a handsome, rugged look. And that golden eye. Oh how entrancing that golden eye is.

It simply broke my heart when I found out he is mated to the middle Archeron sister. But Elain is a shell of a female now. It would be easy to dissuade her from accepting the bond.

Truthfully, I am jealous of the girl. Jealous and angry. She has one of the most beautiful males in Prythian willing to throw himself at her feet, and she will not give him a second of her time.

I watched as they sat together for the first time. How she reacted when he tugged on the bond. Elain was angry. I couldn't imagine being angry.

I placed my hand over my heart. Hoping against the Mother, the Cauldron, and the Gods that they made a mistake. That I would feel the tug in my chest for him.

I noticed the small glances she and my brother share. Azriel seemed so intent on keeping her from Lucien. Good.

If he kept Elain for himself I could keep Lucien. Another easy task. Azriel is desperate for love. They will not be hard to manipulate.

Lucien broke my heart again when he left for the Continent. I know it is necessary for the coming war, but it didn't hurt any less. I had made sure to say goodbye to him. To wish him well on his journey.

He seemed happy that someone in the court was treating him with kindness. Lucien had kissed my hand, thanking me and asked me to be safe as well. It took all of my power not to lose my composure in front of him.

After the war, after everything with Nesta, life calmed down. It has pained me to wait this long to truly set my plan into action. But good things take time.

I had made sure to spend time with Elain all these months. To gain her trust and show her friendship. "I must admit," She said to me, one afternoon in the garden. "I was afraid of you at first. You and Azriel were so simialr with your silence. Then you opened up to me and I'm so happy to have a friend like you, y/n."

I smiled at her. Although it was fake part of it felt real.

"I'm happy to have you as well, Elain. You can bring anyone out of their shell I'm sure." I smile at her from the stone bench I'm perched on. My wings spread a little to soak up the sunshine. "Well, not everyone." Elain says solemnly, looking back at her tulips.

I gently place a hand on her shoulder, "Keep trying with him Elain. I can tell Azriel is in love with you. You see the way he looks at you, yeah? There's no denying it."

Elain looks back up at me with those hopeful, doe eyes. "You think so?" "I know so." Happiness flashes across her face for a moment. Then she goes back to that somber look.

That look drives me crazy. Elain needs to stop feeling sorry for herself. It's not cute and it is driving me crazy.

"But what about Lucien...and the mating bond?" And there was what I was waiting for. "Your sisters, Rhysand, and Cassian make out to be this glorious thing. For them it may be that way. But you get to decide to do with yours.

"Do you feel connected to Lucien?" She shakes her no. "Do you feel the need to be close to him? To have him hold you?" She shakes her head again.

"Then the mating bond doesn't matter. Reject it of you must, but follow your heart, Elain. Not tradition." The fool smiled up at me again. Standing, she wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. "Thank you, y/n." I hugged her back for the theatrics of it all.

I watched as she scurried off inside. Most likely to fling herself at Azriel. It did hurt a little, telling her to break the bond. If someone had said that to me I'd most likely slit their throat.

The mating bond was something I had longed for since I was a little girl.

I had never had many friends or lovers growing up. It was just me and Azriel in that dungeon for most of our lives. And if we hadn't met Rhys I would be without wings.

When we got older I watched as Azriel had females fling themselves at him. While many of the males in Windhaven showed their intrest in me, I did not return the sentiment. I knew those relationships would never go anywhere.

So, I'd stick around for the fun they'd offer for a week and move on to the next. None of those males ever excited me the way Lucien did. Never made me feel love.

A few weeks later Lucien was back in Velaris. Rhys had sent him to the human lands for emissary duties. I made sure to ask him to lunch before the rest of the Inner Circle tortured him with their questions and scared him off.

We went to a nice restaurant with a view of the Sidra. Lucien pulled my chair out for me like the gentleman he is. Before sitting I gave him a small peck on the cheek. Holding his smooth face in my rough hand.

I could've swore I saw the corners of his lips twitch and his cheeks turn red. I bit my lip, taking my seat.

As Lucien sat across from me we fell into easy conversation. Mother above, he's just so perfect. And charming. Any female would be lucky to have him. And that female would be me.

A lull settles between us and I sip on my water. Lucien clears his throat and I meet his gaze. "Elain has asked to meet with me." His tone changed to serious, leaving the playfulness I love so much behind.

"Do you know why?" I ask, my tone coming out more clipped than I meant. "I have a feeling it's about the bond. I know her and Azriel have been...together." He said that last part like he could feel it. I could sense his discomfort.

I hated that look in his eye. That look of feeling unwanted. I had seen it in my own eyes so many times as I stared at my reflection. I reach across the table to hold his hand with both of mine.

"You deserve love Lucien. If she doesn't see how hard you have been trying for her then she doesn't deserve you. I want to see you happy, fox." He gave me a loving smile at his nickname. "Thank you, little bat. You have always shown me kindness when you family hasn't. I love that about you."

Love. My heart fluttered at the word falling from his lips. It sounds so right. I want him to tell me he loves me. Tell me he'll do anything for me like I would for him.

That night, my fox came to the Town House. I had taken it over since Rhys and Feyre moved to the River House. It was empty and quiet here.

Opening the door I saw the distraught look on Lucien's face. I felt a pang in my chest. I had caused this for him. I have to stop this feeling. Have to make him better. "Lucien," I breathed out, "come in."

I drag him over to the couch and sit next to him. We're so close our thighs are touching. I drape a wing around his back for extra comfort. "What is it, fox?"

Lucien takes a deep, shuddering breath. "We broke the bond." I want to breathe out a sigh of relief, but I have to keep the facade up. "Oh Lucien, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're going through."

He looks at me with a pained smile, taking my hand in his, desperately kissing my knuckles. "I am hurting, yes. But Elain made realize something." I held my breath. I could feel my eyes going wide. Could this be it? Could all the work I had planned to do already be done for me by that little fool I call a friend?

"The love I have been searching for has been in front of me all along. I was never meant to be with her." Lucien slide off the couch onto his knees in front of me. My hands still trapped in his. "I love you, y/n. And I curse the Mother and the Cauldron for not putting us together. I need you little bat. I cannot bear another moment without you."

I am frozen in shock by his declaration of love. All this time I thought it would be me on my knees before him. Telling him sweet nothings and saying how we belong together. This is all I needed to hear from him.

Before anything can change I grab Lucien's face, my lips colliding with his in a heated kiss. It's all teeth and tongue. Want and desire. Lucien pulls me to his chest, holding the back of my head.

"Take me upstairs fox. Show me how much you love me." I whisper against his lips. Lucien stands, holding me by my thighs. I wrap my legs around him. I feel his hard cock pressing against my core and grind against him letting out a moan.

Lucien gently places me on the bed, careful of my wings. We undress together. Baring ourselves to each other. Feeling a bond that should've been ours.

The next morning I lay awake staring at Lucien's sleeping form. I trace his scar a few times and play with the ends of his hair that are splayed on the pillow. As his eyes slowly open he sends me a smirk. "Morning my love." Gods I want to keep him like this so I can hear his morning voice forever. It's gravely and deep, sending heat straight to my core.

"Good morning, fox. How are you feeling." Lucien thinks for a moment. "Hurting still. But I feel better with you." My smile widens. It feels genuine this time, it almost brings tears to my eyes.

Lucien moves to get up. My hand flys to grip his bicep, pulling him backdown to the mattress with all my strength. "No," I practically yell. "Stay with me? Let's stay here all day and rest." He lightly kisses my lips and pulls me to lay on his chest. "Ok little bat," he whispers.

We lay in a comfortable silence together. We trace patterns on each others bare skin until I ask, "Lucien, I know things have changed now but I need to know," My heart is pounding so hard. I hate to ask him this but I need him to feel in charge, like he wants me and I need him.

I look up at him as I force tears to line my eyes. "Are we...please say I'm yours now." His lips form a sweet pout I want to kiss. Lucien squeezes me to his body, placing a chaste kiss to my forehead. "There is no one else in this world for me. I love you, y/n. Last night was just the first of many. We have a life time ahead of us together and I don't plan on wasting another moment of it without you."

I cradle his cheek in the palm of my hand. "I love you too, Lucien. And I never want to be without you either."

[summershouto]

baby 5 & sanji- the role of gender

I’m definitely not the first person to say this but Sanji’s women obsession is very similar to Baby 5’s need to please and I wanted to expand on it more bc the thoughts keep bouncing around in my brain 

Sanji and Baby 5 have the same core need to find love and it effects their actions- especially in matters with romance/the opposite sex. While both of their fixations are often treated as jokes, they still reflect underlaying issues tied to their backstories.

The way they act on this romantic drive is somewhat different, as they both assume the traditionally expected roles in accordance with their gender. They’re putting on a performance, behaving over-the-top in effort to please, while still varying in how they portray their love-sickness to remain a model man/woman. these differences set them apart, and I feel in Sanji’s case it can result in his behavior being brushed off as simply a weird quirk (unlike Baby 5, who’s actions remain lighthearted but are recognized as a trauma response).

They both have the same reaction to potential interest/attention, but remain strictly on the opposite ends of the spectrum of Man vs Woman in a conventional relationship. 

Baby 5 maintains a caretaking, flattering-focused obsession of the opposite sex rather than transforming into having pervy gags. She wants to be needed but she also enjoys (and sometimes imagines) being swooned over.

Looking at Sanji in the beginning, before the annoying nosebleed/creep gags became more prominent, he was also rather romance driven rather than motivated by lust. He, similar to Baby 5, saw many as potential suitors; a hopeless romantic at heart. While Baby 5 strikes at the first sign of interest from a man, Sanji equally treats every woman as someone he needs to look after . 

Baby 5 jumps into the role of a caring wife. She blushes like a schoolgirl and assumes that every man who is kind is showing interest in her. Meanwhile Sanji, filling the role of a traditional man in the relationship, seeks to provide. He wants to aid women in any way possible- whether thats with cooking or actual physical protection. His pervy gags could also be read as a way to fit this norm- as a man it’s more societally acceptable to be lust driven- (and in some cases, lust/sex is a way to “prove” ones manhood).  This is especially prominent after his time apart from the crew surrounded by people that challenged his notions of gender.

Overall their use of these traditional gender roles are safe; an easy way to get attention. People in real life often use romantic attention as means of fulfillment, and I read their actions as the same.

Baby 5 and Sanji are both people pleasers. Baby 5 is named as such, noting she can’t deny anyone anything because she longs to be needed. Sanji’s lack of self-worth causes him to always put others first, even at the cost of his own wellbeing. They see themselves as existing to fulfill a needed role, bidding their time until the moment arises. 

Other people have noted how similar Baby 5 and Sanji are in this way, joking that it’s good Sanji and Baby 5 never met because they’d get married instantly. I think it would actually be very interesting if they had met. Two people pleasers in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, especially with people as passionate as Baby 5 and Sanji. Their way of dealing with conflict would be to.. not. Neither would ever want to say the other is at fault. Their approach towards romance is seeking a sense of fulfillment, which would create an interesting dynamic with their exaggerated swooning. 

Now there are some people who truly are greatly motivated to pursue relationships, but with Sanji and Baby 5’s backstories revolving around a lack of love,  it’s safe to assume that it’s a bit more of an inorganic reaction for them. Especially when looking at the situations their love gets them into, such as when Baby 5 fell head over heels for a man because he was kind to her once despite not showing any prior attraction. 

Sanji is on the opposite side of the spectrum, finding /every/ woman beautiful and himself unworthy. Where Baby 5 aims to prove her worth from any one person and seeks a reason for her receiving kindness, Sanji places himself below all the women he meets and grovels in attempt to please as they stand on their pedestals. 

Sanji was raised by Zeff- someone who had a strong influence in how Sanji perceives and treats women. Sanji’s hunger for love was enhanced by the teaching of strict gender roles and emphasis on chivalry. While Baby 5 longs to be the helpful wife, Sanji becomes the pursuer- acting like a white knight as he sought women’s attention. That’s not to say his attraction isn’t real, but his extreme reactions to women reflect his desperation to please. 

Sanji also has the added factor of the men vs women in his life prior to Zeff, with only his mother and sister showing him kindness. Women were safer; and Zeff furthered this belief through his teachings.  

They’re both self-sacrificial to a dangerous degree. To them, their lives are indispensable; meaning if someone needs to die for the greater good then that’s the role they feel they were made for. Their life IS other people.

This is also interesting to consider in the perspective of non-heterosexual relationships. Sanji has a complicated past with gender/sexuality, so his aggressive actions towards men reflect what he feels a “real man” should be. Feminine attention is good, acceptable to enjoy, but male attention is something to scorn.

For Baby 5, we don’t really see her react to the kindness of a woman. She grew up around predominantly men and men appear to be the ones who most often take advantage of her. It’s curious to consider if meeting another woman with good intentions would allow her to be more sincere. 

I guess in conclusion I often see Baby 5’s actions being recognized as a response to her past, but I don’t often see Sanji’s explained similarly. Personally I think Sanji’s behavior is greatly effected by his starve for love, and he throws himself into it just like Baby 5. However, the way theyre perceived is greatly effected by their gender and their according behavior to fit the norms. Regardlessly, he and Baby 5 both rely on other people to find their worth- and the quickest way to do that is to turn to romantic love. 

[calypsolemon]

if i did have one Actual Criticism of ToH (I actually have a few I just am trying to avoid sounding negative about the show bc overall I very much enjoyed it and think its good) it would be that I do think the reasoning Papa Titan gives Luz for why Belos's actions and her own do not come from the same place is... a little off the mark.

Mainly because I think there's not too many ways in which you could say Belos's choices aren't genuine to him. Oh, the reasoning he gives other people of course are a bunch of lies and bullshit, and he even lies to himself, but the root cause of his delusions lies in the puritanistic upbringing he was exposed to from a young age. An upbringing which very much convinces people that control and subjugation of others are necessary to protect their mortal souls from the damnation of hell.

For this reason, "genuine-ness" reads a bit too much of a handwavy abstraction of Luz's actual concern to me. Belos's existence has made her painfully aware that it is really easy to rationalize massively harmful actions to yourself if you believe it is in service of protecting someone else. This doesn't mean that Luz actually has hurt anyone, or that she needed to be as harshly punishing of herself as she was (in fact I would say her desire for self-punishment is a reflection of Belos's puritan values weighing on her), but rather that I think it doesn't really solve her conundrum to simply tell her "well, Belos is kind of a big fat liar who is trying to control people, but don't worry, you're Not That."

What I really wish he had said, and what I do think the series implies in other ways but maybe could have been served to have said openly in that moment, is that Luz is not the same because she is capable of self reflection. In all the times Luz has ever lied to someone, or attempted to change someone or something else to fit her idea of them (think attempting to cure Eda, playing along with King about him being the king of demons, Witches before Wizards, etc) she has ultimately realized it was wrong, and allowed herself to embrace the way things naturally are. In fact, she more often feels like she should be trying to change herself in response to ppl expecting her to fit into social norms. When her environment feels too stifling for her, she finds a different one. She doesn't attempt to fit everything around her into a mold that perfectly suits her, nor does she attempt to destroy everything which doesn't agree with her.

Luz stresses over being just like Belos because she has been raised to, if anything, be too self reflective, and feel like an awful person for not being able to conform to norms that don't naturally fit her. What she needs to be told is that it's admirable, that she tries so hard, and it's a good thing that she is able to see where she maybe needs to change herself at times, but she needs to allow herself the same grace she gives others. She needs to be told that nothing good comes from keeping yourself from happiness. That wanting acceptance and love from others is not the same as attempting to control them.

Buuuut I know they only had like 3 minutes to convey what's going on so I get why they phrased it the way they did. What Luz really needed was a 7 hour long therapy session with daddy titan which. I'm not even sure would have been entirely on point bc the Titan himself probably has some issues he needs to work through. But that's another post

[lesbianboyfriend]

((i’m sending this to blogs i know are run by lesbians, feel free to delete/leave unanswered))

recently i’ve had a spiritual awakening.

despite my fluid sexuality,

my soulmate is going to be another woman.

i can only imagine waking up next to a woman for the rest of my life.

i have known this for years yet never said it out loud.

how do i get over the fear that i am “missing” something by not “trying out” men?

how do i live my life prioritizing women and the relationships we have?

please share any thoughts you may have. thank you and blessings. ✌🏼🌿

hi anon!!

okay so firstly i would like to very gently suggest that if you can only ever imagine being in a lasting relationship with a woman, your sexuality might not be as fluid as you think. you might be a lesbian.

and i knowww it can be super scary to admit that. even to yourself. it took me a while to accept it for myself BUT the thing is that accepting i’m a lesbian has made me so much happier in my skin and self….and i say this even as someone who is not “out.” just allowing yourself to live that truth even if it’s just a personal truth is so freeing and wonderful. being a lesbian is actually so fucking awesome

obviously you know yourself your feelings your sexuality best so if lesbian doesn’t fit for you that’s cool. but i think the best way to come to terms with and learn to love your identity is simply engaging with lesbianism. which doesn’t have to be dating—talk to other lesbians, read lesbian novels, watch lesbian movies, find lesbian art….allow yourself to imagine a future where you are with another woman. allow yourself to imagine a future where you are with another woman and happy.

now how to get over feeling like you’re missing something from not having relationships with men. for me this one is really easy bc i’ve never met a man who isn’t the worst fucking person on the planet. i think about every woman i know in a relationship and how she’s settled for someone who doesn’t treat her as good as she deserves, who doesn’t help around the house, who doesn’t know how to express their emotions etc…..and obviously this is a huge issue and i hope all straight and bi women with boyfriends/husbands are happy and treated well. but i also know realistically that’s not the truth and most men fucking suck. so i mostly just think about that. and if you’re not attracted to men, especially with the prevalence of misogyny, there’s really. nothing attractive about having a relationship with a man other than social capital. (NOT saying that lesbians/lesbian relationships can’t also be bad/abusive/etc.)

now i can’t really give advice on being in a romantic/sexual relationship BUT i can give advice on prioritizing women in your life in general. number one, seriously confront the misogyny you’ve ignored from your male friends and acquaintances. chances are, if you’re like me, you’ve let stuff slide because you know they “don’t really believe that” and they’re “just joking.” well that’s not true. they MIGHT think they’re just joking but realizing that misogyny in the first place is even funny to them and actually grappling with that…changes how you see them! and you can do with that information what you will. but most importantly view it as a catalyst to simply prioritize the women around you. talk to them, hang out with them, compliment them, tell them when their boyfriend is being shitty and they deserve better (but be sensitive to the situation and don’t push. let them know you support them but don’t give them cause to pull away esp. if you’re concerned about abuse but that’s an entire other convo). flirt with women, uplift them, etc….if you find yourself focusing on mostly the men in a situation or even like when watching a tv show, ask yourself why? actively look for the women in a situation and ask yourself how they are being treated, who is being prioritized, and make it your goal to treat them right and prioritize them.

and at the end of the day, remember these phrases: “he’s just a man” and “i hope jakey dies”

i hope this was in any way helpful and good luck on your journey…..loving women + being a lesbian is literally the best <3

[bonesandthebees]

part of stars!wil’s issues is that bc of his trauma and they way he was treated all his life, he doesn’t believe anyone could actually care about him beyond their own personal agenda. he’s internalized so much of the abuse from his whole life that he believes it’s simply an unchangeable fact. it’s at the point where so much of his repeated “phil/techno doesn’t care about me/us, they just want power over us” is starting to sound like something he’s trying to force himself to believe. bc if someone actually does see the value in him, if someone actually cares about him for who he is, then it means that his situation on eldingvegr was truly horrible. it means that he really didn’t deserve any of it and that people were just shitty to him bc they chose to be. and that’s so fucking unfair!!!!

idk how to make my point here but the way you write all of this without flat out saying any of it blows my mind and it’s feels so realistic to how people process (or fail to process) abuse, disasters, and tragedy. something about how victim blaming happens bc of the illusion of control, that if you do everything right, then bad things won’t happen to you so if bad things happen then you must have done something to cause or deserve it, bc if you did everything right and the bad thing still happened anyways, then bad things really do happen to good people and there’s nothing you can do about it and all your effort into doing everything right was wasted.

and if wil really didn’t deserve the abuse, then he has every right to be angry. but he’s spent so much of his life repressing his anger, partly bc he believed all the bad things he was told about himself/believed he deserved it bc why else would it be happening, and partly bc he wasn’t in a position to acknowledge it bc of his position on eldingvegr and expressing any kind of anger towards his situation is the exact opposite of what everyone wanted from him, and partly bc he doesn’t want to burden tommy with it. now he’s not on eldingvegr anymore and there’s less of a reason to hold back that anger, and the new trauma and being introduced to a new environment where him being a bastard is not common knowledge, is a bit of a novelty almost, plus all the new stress PLUS phil actively encouraging his anger AND starting to genuinely care about him, it’s a perfect recipe for wil to have a complete breakdown bc everything he’s built his whole worldview on is being tested!!!!

- 💜

purple heart anon i hope you know i read this and started mouthing at my screen "they get it they get it THEY GET IT" like you understand exactly what i'm going for here. wilbur's repeated mantra that phil and techno don't care about him and tommy is fully him trying to convince himself at this point. because like you said, if they do care, that means someone sees value in him. and that in turn means his situation on eldingvegr was genuinely horrible.

thank you for saying it all feels really realistic! I put a lot of effort into making the way my characters process their own thoughts and emotions regarding traumatic situations feel very true to life, because a lot of the time, it's often so much more subtle than people realize. if you've been in an abusive situation, especially in an instance of more 'subtle' abuse like emotional abuse, coming to the realization that you were abused is a very hard thing to do. it's not an easy thing to accept because it shifts your entire perspective on your life in a rather negative way. it changes the way you view yourself and the people around you. so yeah, wilbur is struggling to accept just how bad his situation on eldingvegr was because that's a very hard thing to do. he's spent so much of his life repressing his anger and forcing himself to accept that this is just the way things are. because he's known from a logical standpoint the way he's treated isn't fair, but actually accepting that he deserved better? that's a different beast entirely.

and yeah like you said, he was never able to express any frustration about his situation because that would just make it worse for him, and it would put more of a burden on tommy too. but now his situation is so different. he's been through a whole lot more trauma, he's no longer in an environment where everyone looks down on him for being a bastard, he's in an insanely stressful political situation with a ton of pressure on his shoulders he wasn't prepared to take on, and now he has a parental figure actually acting like he cares for him and encouraging him to be upset about his former situation. and not to mention! for the first time since he was 8 years old, he no longer has his main support system (niki). so yeah, his entire worldview is being flipped upside down rn and it's a bad time for him

[loetise]

♡ + allevi 🥺

send me ♡ + a ship and i’ll tell you…, accepting!  ˎˊ˗

who is the most affectionate? they're both soooo affectionate come on now. i think allie wins out in the slightest bc levi is more regulated to me. he has an Inch of resolve over her vs allie who would run on stage during a show to give him a hug if she wanted to. this is why she has to be a model for them on the cross or she would be unhinged.

who initiates the handholding? allie!!! but i don't think there's ever a time when levi won't hold her hand back.

who worries more for the other? allie worries for levi more i think, even if she doesn't quite have a reason too she's just a worrier and tries So Hard not to be which makes it worse. she worries about him but it's not for any one reason and she will go with him and Also do anything he does unfazed. a little bit silly she is.

who is more likely to ask for help? maybeee allie but i don't think it's horribly unlikely for him to either? i think levi sees her as a very vulnerable person and easy to ask for help, and her always asking him for help def helps to me

who is the one always losing the keys? i feel like they're both absolutely horrendous at it. it's the vibes. levi has cool goth metal keys and they're still always losing them.

who leaves little love notes for the other? allie <3 she leave stickie notes all over his stuff. i feel like levi is more prone like. another weird affection thing but idk what ,kjhdghsc

who can’t sleep unless the other is there? mostly allie!! she misses him a ton when they're not together for sure and he's so safe to her :(( i think levi loves sleeping with her he's like. in general just a touch more chill than her.

who is more likely to propose to the other? mmmm maybe levi? allie generally is not a marriage girlie but she just wants to date forever and ever sjdjdjsjkd, the marriage part scares her a bit.

who introduced the other to their family first? levi <3 he’s met all of allie’s plant and animal friends though

who is more likely to play with the other’s hair? maybeeee allie? i think they both love to play with each other’s hair bc it’s very easy to play with and So long. allie has def braided them together JFFGJK

who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated? allie, and she really likes cooking for him when he's busy too :((( it's very much a love language for her And she gets to take care of him a win is a win.

who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other? levi methinks. even if he's not thee toughest guy he has scary guard dog energy and it's enough for allie who falls to the ground when anyone seems upset with her.

who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other? theyre both such silly surprise people to me. like with the sanrio plushies. anything big i feel like theyre more likely to talk abt, for allie it's bc she simply cannot keep surprises a surprise that are Very exciting and she's so easy to read.

who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things? allie core!!!!! it would be very funny and not surprise me at all if levi started doing it too bc of how often she does it.

who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch? i feel like both of them this feels like a both thing. allie frequently falls asleep places and i feel like levi is very similar in that way, they're just sleepy little guys <3

[teruthecreator]

sorry but i just think berdly is a very physically affectionate guy. like he’s quite physical in General with just the way he moves and gestures. we all watched him jump onto his desk to read a passage. we all saw his weird little mannerisms and stances during his fights. he’s just Like That, okay? and that usually translates to being physically affectionate. like if you’re one of his Trusted Few just be warned that he WILL grab your hand or arm randomly while you’re chatting. probably when he’s excited and DEFINITELY unintentional, but if you don’t point it out he won’t let go for a good few minutes (or until he needs that hand to gesture). people like to joke that he’s part urchin because of how close he stands to noelle--they practically walk in-sync! 

she’s probably the most used to his antics and doesn’t mind how clingy he is (sometimes. one time he got anxious at a school event and refused to leave her side the entire time, and she had to keep asking him to let go of her hand bc of how hard he was squeezing it). more often than not, she will be holding his hand or letting him grab onto her shoulders when he gets excited because it’s just comfortable. it’s their dynamic. she Loves physical touch but is bad at initiating, and berdly cannot go a minute without grabbing someone. (it is a product of both of them being VERY lonely kids but that’s a topic for another day) 

and i just keep thinking about how, as his friendgroup grows, the different ways he’ll show his appreciation/affection. he knows that grabbing susie the way he grabs noelle will Probably end with him flat on his ass (not out of malice--simply impulse), so he learns to adapt and makes sure susie sees him coming before he playfully punches her arm or touches her shoulder. and, of course, susie will respond in kind with a playful punch or shove back--though, usually, she overestimates her strength and knocks him over. and sometimes, when he notices susie lingering the halls long past the final bell and seeming...reluctant to leave, he’ll ask for her a hug and she will sort of. collapse. into him. and he’ll support her weight for a time before “challenging” her to an “epic gaming tournament that should last ALL NIGHT so uh you can come crash on my couch if you need...?” 

with kris things are a little more. sporadic. he sort of gets right off the bat that kris is VERY selective with who they are physical with. he remembers when asriel used to walk them to school and how kris would hold his hand and be quite reluctant to let go when they’d finally arrive, and how much that’s changed now with toriel (where they seem almost resigned to their fate of being held and coddled like they’re still an infant). they are also a resident urchin to susie--always staying either directly at her side or right in front of her--and enjoy when she’ll randomly grab them and shake them around. berdly is maaaaaaybe a little jealous that he’s the only one out of their little quad friendgroup that kris isn’t so willing to be near, but he supposes he is simply for the “refined palette” (aka not easy to get used to LMAO) and is willing to wait for them to get comfortable. which does happen btw. a lot quicker than expected. they’re both just sitting on the couch in the dreemurr home, duking it out in Super Smashing Fighters, when kris just. bumps into him. and very obviously On Purpose too. like they’re trying to throw berdly off his game. so instead of relishing in the joy of Oh Yes They Consider Me Important Now! he just kinda smirks and bumps back. thus begins the Bumping War of 20XX. from there on kris is very willing to be held and grabbed and stood near, and they will often mimic berdly’s motions absentmindedly (which berdly secretly delights in). sometimes they’ll offer to walk berdly to the library for his shifts, and berdly will always accept (enjoying the brief company they provide for the lonely walk), and then kris will grab hold of his hand (wing. whatever) and not let go until the absolute last second. similarly to how they’d walk with asriel. 

idk i just think with his whole “forgettable little bluebird” shtick, i can’t help but think he’s extremely touch starved and in DESPERATE need for some hugs. which his friends are more than willing to provide <3 

[viola-ophelia]

in defense of cutler beckett

it’s kind of a tradition of mine to periodically write “in defense of” essays for unpopular characters (see “in defense of celegorm” and “in defense of bunny corcoran” lol), and idk what it says about me that i frequently feel the urge to advocate in favor of characters that are deemed unlikable/ unredeemable/ unworthy of attention by their respective fandoms, but i’m rolling with it lol. anyway, today, i want to focus on lord cutler beckett from pirates of the caribbean, because the general consensus about him on tumblr these days is… pretty abysmal lol, but i think he deserves a closer look. beckett seems to be the vast majority of people’s least favorite character, and not in an ironic way like some of the characters in POTC are treated online, like oh haha yeah barbossa was kinda annoying for going all ghost zombie mode on everyone but also we love him, weird eclectic uncle vibes, woo!.... no, everyone just straight-up hates beckett. and look: i get it, i really do. beckett is a much “realer” villain than davy jones or barbossa or salazar or any of the other POTC baddies, and that makes him much easier to hate. he’s not a giant octopus or a cursed skeleton or a slimy ghost guy with mystical powers, he’s literally just some guy– and he’s an asshole of a guy, because he’s basically just a random capitalist who wants all our favorite characters swinging from the gallows because they’re getting in the way of his trading schemes. and, if you count the price of freedom as canon, he’s also a slave trader, which is pretty unambiguously terrible. but despite all that, i actually like beckett. in fact, he’s one of my favorite characters in POTC: although it’s important to note that when i say that, i’m in no way saying that i condone his actions or that i think he’s morally good. as i see it, it’s totally valid to enjoy villainous characters while also acknowledging that they’re evil/problematic/whatever and that their actions are not morally acceptable in the real world. but the realm of POTC– where people (including the “good guys,” might i add!) are murdering and backstabbing each other left and right, any and all historical accuracy has to be taken with several grains of salt, and occult magic and sea goddesses and evil fish-men casually exist– is pretty far from “the real world” if you ask me lol. but anyway, let’s get into it then, shall we! (adding a read-more bc this is LONG oop)

beckett gets a really bad rap in the POTC fandom not just because he’s a ‘problematic’ character, but because on the surface, he comes across as a very one-dimensional, and therefore boring, villain. there are certainly other not-so-morally-pure characters in POTC that don’t seem to get the same treatment beckett does… no one really seems to talk about how pintel and ragetti threatened to r*pe elizabeth in the curse of the black pearl, for example. but pintel and ragetti are goofy comedic relief fan faves, and they’re also on the “good side” (aka the side of the pirates), so they have some redeeming qualities. in contrast, beckett is unique in POTC– a franchise famous for morally complex characters– for his seeming complete lack of redemptive nuance. he’s easy to understand as a villain because he’s just one of those villains who’s bad just ‘cause he can be. and he sucks! he’s ruthless, he’s power-hungry and materialistic, he plots against the pirates simply because they’re an inconvenience to him, and he represents the unjust authority which jack sparrow and the “good guys” stand against. the law permits beckett to freely exploit people in the name of the east india company, but does not allow jack and his companions even a chance of survival if they’re caught: and he knows how unfair this is, and doesn’t care. but here’s the thing: at its core, POTC is a pirate story told by pirates. of course we’re going to root for jack, will, elizabeth, and the gang over characters like beckett and norrington… because the pirates are the ones in control of the narrative. if we want, we can choose to believe them when they show us how much beckett sucks (and to be fair, they’re largely right lol), but it’s sort of boring, i feel, to just readily absorb the story that’s made most prominently visible to us and not bother to examine other perspectives. 

so let’s talk about beckett’s motives. maybe he really is power-hungry and exploitative because he just is, and that’s all there is to him… but again, that’s what the pirates think, but it’s worth considering other possibilities too. what is beckett’s backstory, then– what, if anything, prompted him to go on his pirate-killing spree? well, in the movies, he doesn’t have one. he kinda just shows up one day and crashes will and elizabeth’s wedding as an obnoxious power flex, and from that point on, he’s just, like, there and he hates the pirates REALLY bad and wants to kill them all through any means possible, seemingly just because he can. the price of freedom, though, does give beckett a backstory. i’m not going to summarize the entire thing here, but in it, he and jack once worked together for the east india co. before eventually having a big mutual betrayal where jack wasn’t a fan of the fact that beckett was transporting some slaves, so he freed them all, which fucked beckett’s career over so beckett branded him as a pirate and then went on to become the asshole we see in the movies. but to be honest, this doesn’t really compel me all that much. it’s certainly an important moment for jack, but it explains away beckett’s motives the same vague way the movies do, aka by going “well, he’s just evil because he is/always was.”  

what was really going on with beckett to force him through such a transformation had to have been much more than jack fucking up his job one time. the price of freedom tells us that he was a sickly kid not expected to live past childhood and that he was lowkey abused by his family, so i think a desire to prove his own worth was definitely part of it. but i don’t think beckett became evil (or doomed, for that matter) when he branded jack as a pirate. there’s a point in the book (if i’m remembering correctly) where young beckett gets captured by pirates and his dad refuses to pay the bail to have him released. it doesn’t explain how he eventually managed to escape, but i can only imagine that the experience left him with some internal damage… a fear of losing control, most likely, and of being out of his element. that’s kind of a lot for a teenager to take in… not only that his family doesn’t want him and he’s gonna have to fend for himself for the rest of his life, but that the world is cruel and unforgiving to vulnerable people, and the only way for him to survive is to seize all of the power and control he can and never let it go… because, if he doesn’t become the biggest fish, then a bigger fish is going to come along and that’ll be the end of him. beckett never manages to get rid of this fear of instability and vulnerability, which– especially after jack’s betrayal– manifests itself in a hatred of and desire to dominate (perhaps an attempt to conquer or mask a secret, intense fear of?) pirates and the occult. and of course, this eventually becomes his downfall, as he freezes the second he makes a mistake in at world’s end and is so unable to move beyond the loss of the upper hand that he literally just dies. beckett’s death is exactly what he deserves, but it’s also a remarkably devastating moment granted to a character who, up until this point, we’ve been guided to unreservedly hate and root against. in the grand scheme, it represents the fall of the old order, but for beckett himself, it’s his worst nightmare coming true– it’s the loss of control he’s been fighting this whole time and not realized was sneaking up on him till it was literally staring him in the face… and that’s tragic, and we’re meant to think so! we see his fatal flaw laid bare in a way that we would normally only expect the narrative to do so for its heroes, and it’s an incredible and shocking moment, being forced to briefly see things from the other side. 

it’s hard for me to hate beckett as i watch him dying, and honestly it’s hard for me to hate him in general, because tbh i do resonate with him in some ways. obviously, his actions as a character are awful (and in particular, there’s no avoiding or diminishing the unequivocal evilness of the slave trading thing), and that’s what makes him a villain. but at the root of it all, i kinda just see a guy who’s sought to prove himself for so long that now he’s at the helm of this incredibly powerful and dangerous position that he cannot lose because he’s nothing without what he’s worked for, but even as he’s surrounded himself with people he can use as tools he has no one he can truly trust, so he projects this cold and calculating persona at all times because he has to, because it’s how he maintains control and he has to maintain control because without control he knows he’s already lost, but as tightly wound as he must be, he somehow manages not to break his composure even at the very end and goes down with his fucking ship in a moment that’s weirdly heroic… like. you don’t have to like beckett, but i do think he deserves respect. in a fandom full of wacky, fun, exciting characters, i know it’s not exactly intuitive to focus on the one decidedly un-supernatural, un-thrilling character… but in a story told by, about (and arguably for) pirates, beckett maybe rebels the most of all, by refusing, right down to his last moments, to succumb to a narrative that was never for him in the first place. and i think there’s something to be said about a character who-- villainous or not-- sticks by his principles till the end even as the very world around him bends to different rules, who doesn’t run from the law when it no longer benefits him but who acknowledges that he’s lost and owns it. 

[thisdreamplace]

three propositions — a deep dive 🌊

🌊 “three propositions” is a lecture by neville goddard that you can read here or listen to here

imo, this is one of the absolute best lectures because neville hits on all the important things and clarifies popular confusions. let’s dive in ! 🌊

“If the first proposition is true that the individual's state of consciousness is the sole cause of the phenomena of his life, then the normal, natural question that is asked "Why doesn't he change it to a more desirable state if he could change it?" Well, that is not as easy as it appears.” i think that much of the law is over simplified. many went from the law of attraction to the law of assumption, thinking they’d found a better alternative and with that offered up very watered down versions of the law. while the law of assumption offered more freedom (gone are the days of ‘is this meant for me ?’) even here neville admits that while it appears easy in theory… applying the law can be difficult in practice. so in other words — here is your sign to stop feeling bad about yourself and your journey. 🐠

“but man finds it very hard to leave the things to which he has grown accustomed. We are all grown stuck in the habitual.” here neville openly describes the difficulty many face, and it has all to do with us being creatures of comfort ! even if the familiar is painful, it’s still familiar and therefore it becomes a sort of home. 🐬

“Most of the things he whispers are negative in justifying his behavior. There is no need to justify. He is excusing delay or excusing failure, or he is arguing, or he is judging harshly or he is condemning. Many of us have secret affection for hurts: we don't want to be liked by certain people; we just wouldn't like it if they liked us. We just don't want certain things to take place in our world even though they may bring a greater comfort and a greater satisfaction. Man has a peculiar, strange feeling, a little affection for the feeling of being unwanted or the feeling of being hurt, and he likes to talk about it. Well, try to pull that man out of that habitual state: it would be just as difficult as to keep that soldier boy away from that sordid room…” i think this part is so important bc i know at many points i could relate to this. and i know many of you can too. i am highlighting this because extreme honesty with oneself is the first key to unlocking your (mental) prison door. if you cannot even begin to take responsibility for your own inner activity, you will continue to struggle. you cannot change something you are unaware of. so start becoming aware. 🐳

“Now, if you do not know the state in which you abide, it's a very simple technique you may employ to discover that state: for the man dwelling in a state… could easily discover the state by listening within himself and observing his own internal mental conversations… it reveals itself in man's inner speech.” in case you’re wondering how to figure out the truth of what’s going on inside you, here is neville’s tip ! 🦑

“Most of us do not even know what we mean by state of consciousness. To those who are here for the first time it is simply meant by state of consciousness the sum total of all that a man believes and accepts and consents to as true.” here neville clearly and easily describes exactly what a state is — no more need for confusion in that aspect ! :) 🐟

“So though man is called upon to change his thinking that he may change his world, for we are told "Be ye transformed by the renewal of your mind", man can't change his thinking unless he changes his ideas for he thinks from his ideas.” i love this part sm bc flipping thoughts and forcing thoughts is such prevalent advice in the community. it works for some but leaves many frustrated and pushing down their feelings, leaving them often feeling worse than before. here is a direct quote saying you first must change your ideas, and then your thoughts will follow that lead. so decide what you wanna believe in and begin there. 🐡

“It is the height of folly to expect changes to come about by the mere passage of time, for that which requires a state of consciousness to produce its effect could not be effective without such a state of consciousness.” and “He may move physically across the ends of the earth but he will encounter similar conditions; he can't get away from the house in which he abides.” time will not be on your side and neither will a change in your surroundings. as long you keep living by the same beliefs, dwelling in the same old state of consciousness… your life will not change. the faces may be different, the month may be different, the city could be different… but your experiences will remain the same. this is so important to understand as many of us think our desire will be our saving grace ! it simply will not be — it cannot be. 🐙

“Now, if I sincerely desire to change my world there is no one in my world I need change but myself, so that I don't need to change you as an individual but I do need to change my attitude towards you. If you dislike me or if I think you dislike me, or if your behavior offends me, the cause of my offense is not in you and your behavior but I must look for that cause within myself. Now if I seriously and I am honest about my search, I will find it and I will find that inwardly when I think of you it is never a pleasant conversation that I carry on with you.” eiypo and how exactly to move forward — it was never about changing them but changing self. and this is on all scales, personal or even societal. 🐠

“It is nice to change a mood from some unlovely to a lovely, but I want a transformation and by transformation I mean that when one state into which I have moved and move so often that it becomes a habit and that state grows stable, so that it expels from my consciousness all of its rivals, then that central habitual state defines my character and really constitutes my new world. It spells out a transformation, but if I only do it a little bit and return to my former state, then I might have had a temporary lift but I will not notice radical changes in my outer world. I will notice these changes in my outer world if inwardly I have truly changed. Then without effort on my part I will find the outer world changing to correspond to the changes that took place within me.” your change is on going, it’s not about i felt happy and now i feel down. it’s not about i did it and nothing happened — it’s about practicing this daily. day in and day out, and when you have stabilized more frequently in your desired state of consciousness. then the world will reveal to you the fruits of your inner harvest. 🐬

“Imaginative love where only love guides it is incapable of hearing anything but the lovely.” let love lead, always. 💙

i hope yall enjoyed this deep dive into one of neville’s lectures and found it useful ! 🌊💙

[yourmidnightlover]

i totally lost the ask bc i forgot to put it in my drafts, BUT i remembered which prompts were requested.

this one was kind of a challenge, so i LOVED it.

MINORS DNI

kiss list #5: kissing as an interruption

smut #8: mirror sex

fluff #5: “you smell really nice”

CW: fucking in front of a mirror (duh.), unprotected sex, penetrative sex, fingering, hate sex?, it’s kinda enemies to lovers. *let me know if i missed anything*

it had been yet another new years celebration at rossi’s mansion. another new years where spencer’s pining over what seems to be so untouchable, unattainable. you.

for what spencer would recall as ages, but was actually 3 years, he has been in love with you. he’s in love with the occasional nose scrunches. he’s in love with the way you gently bite your lip when you’re in concentration. he’s in love with your voice, the gentle, soft sounds it produces. he’s so in love with you he can’t say a thing.

in fact, he’s never said a thing to you.

ever.

over time, you had developed a theory that spencer reid simply didn’t like you. at all. he would stare at you until you would look at him, making him break his eye contact. he would never even say a word to you unless it was a random statistic or for a case.

but that was just because spencer was nervous. how was he supposed to approach a girl like you? just walk up to you and say hi? no.

while he’s dressed in a suit and mask, thanks to rossi’s masquerade themed party, he notices a woman waltz in with a beautiful gown, her eyes and the top of her face covered my a matching mask. spencer knew all eyes were on this mysterious person, and he couldn’t help but feel drawn to them.

still, he couldn’t approach her.

or could he?

he was wearing a mask. why wouldn’t he be able to?

she wouldn’t be able to recognize him.

and maybe he needed this girl to help him get over you - that train has clearly left long ago.

using all the courage he could muster up, he approached this woman with a feigned confidence.

once he had gotten closer to her, he had realized she must’ve been there for a while, the faint smell of alcohol wafting from her breath when she greets him.

“hi!” she says with a smile wider than he’d seen in a long time.

“he-hello,” he stutters already, suddenly wondering how he’d manage to maintain confidence long enough to even talk to you.

“my name is - shit,” she stumbled over her dress, effectively falling forward and latching onto spencer’s arms to secure herself.

“what a lovely name,” he chuckled as a blush grew on his cheeks.

“no! shit isn’t my name,” she giggled as she let her head rest on his chest. “wow, you smell really nice,” she says as she let herself be overwhelmed by his scent.

“oh… thank you,” he whispered. “you smell nice, too,” vanilla, he thought.

“you’re cute,” she pulled back enough to poke his cheekbone with a smile. “like a model.”

“you-i’m not very cute when standing next to you,” he tried to be smooth. “that wasn’t very good,” he laughed at himself. “i-what i meant was that you look… you’re very beautiful.”

“you can’t even see my face!” she argued, the smile remaining on her lips. “but thank you.”

“it’s no problem, truly,” he whispered softly.

“wait,” she suddenly seemed all-so-sober as the next couple of words left her mouth. “are you spencer?”

“wha-yes?” he nodded his head slowly.

“what the hell?!” she whisper-yelled before pulling him into the nearest room, which happened to be a bathroom. “what the fuck, reid?!”

“what? what did i do?!” he argued, not sure where anything went wrong as he took off his own mask.

until she took off her mask.

shit.

“y/n?” he mumbled, already knowing the answer.

“yes, y/n! fuck, reid!” she sighed exasperated.

“what’s the problem here?” he stepped back while she tried to compose herself.

“what’s the problem? what’s the problem?!” she scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “the problem is that you fucking hate me and decide to flirt with me at a party! what? you have to wait until i look presentable to want to even talk to me? i actually respected-no, i looked up to you before i came into the bau. i had read your manuscripts and theories and your inserts in newspapers. i was wanting to meet you once i finally realized my hard work had paid off, and i had made it into the bau. but no! the first day i met you, you wouldn’t even say fucking hello! it’s such an easy word! hel-lo! there! i just did it!” you chuckled once more, about to explode again. “god, i didn’t think adults could be as petty as you’ve been. you refuse to even talk to me unless it’s absolutely necessary. you only fucking stare at me until i look your way. why don’t y-“

and his lips were on yours.

in a moment of weakness, or maybe strength, spencer was able to face his fears of actually kissing the girl of his dreams.

and you let him.

at first, you were surprised. the shock was evident in the way she tensed up. spencer was about to pull away, accepting his defeat, before you finally kissed him back. your hands cupped his wrists that were firmly planted on your face as you inches your body closer to his own.

“i don’t hate you,” he breathed into your mouth as you both heaved for air that had been lost amongst the heat. “in fact,” he placed his leg between yours, noticing how a whine had left your lips, “it’s quite the opposite.”

“reid, please,” you tried to grind yourself down on his leg.

“ah-ah,” he chuckled. “if we’re doing this, you’re calling me by my first name.”

“spencer, come on,” you argued with the man, he finally obliged and rose his knee to meet your center. “fuck.”

“you like that? i can make you feel much more than just this,” he growled in your ear.

“please, anything,” you sighed, placing a kiss below his ear.

“come here,” he removed his leg, and in an instant it was replaced my his hand trailing up your leg, underneath your dress. “someone’s excited,” he announced once he felt how wet you were.

“shut up,” you sighed, gently biting down on his shoulder to keep yourself quiet.

“what was that, princess? did you tell me to shut up?” he teased, feeling you nod against his shoulder.

“‘m sorry,” you cried as his fingers entered your heat, quickly thrusting in and out. “oh my god, yes.”

“yea? maybe this’ll teach you to not tell me to shut up, huh, princess?” he chuckled against your ear as your body began relying on spencer to keep you upright.

“wha- oh my god, i’m so close,” your nails began digging into his clothes back as he drew you closer to your finish.

and right before you were over the precipice, he took his fingers out of your heat. a whine left your lips as your body chased his touch, bucking towards him for some type of relief.

“don’t tell me to shut up,” he warned once more.

“please. please,” you whined. “i’ll do anything, please, just…” you began kissing on his neck, gently sucking marks where your lips had been.

“what do you want, princess?” he asked, his hands trailing over your waist.

“you. please, i want you so bad,” you huffed. “please, inside me.”

“you want me inside you?” you nodded eagerly, pulling at his shirt before he pressed his lips back to yours.

he twisted the two of you so you were pressed against the counter, his front to your back.

“so, so bad,” you wiggled your ass so you could feel the bulge that had been forming in his pants.

“lucky for you,” he began unbuckling his belt, “i want this just as bad,” he let his hard cock rub along your folds before entering you.

“oh, shit,” you cursed under your breath, holding onto the counter for stability.

“fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned in your ear before pulling almost all the way out, his tip only inside before slamming back into you.

“spen-spencer,” you gasped out as he set a ruthless pace of slamming into you.

“what is it, sweet girl? you need more?” he saw the pathetic excuse of a nod from your head and reached his hand forward to grasp your hair rather than rub your clit. “too fucking bad. if you’re cumming on my dick, you’re coming from that alone.”

when he yanked your hair back, a pornographic moan was ripped from your throat. you were able to look yourself in the eyes as the man who you thought hated you was fucking you into oblivion. you were more than grateful that the alcohol had worn off so you could remember this moment forever, although not as good as his own eidetic memory.

“you like watching me fuck you, princess?” he lent down in your ear to whisper. “you look so fucking good like this, don’t you think?”

“ye-yes,” you sighed before he let his forehead rest on your shoulder, allowing his hips to plow into you at a relentless pace as his other hand snakes between your legs to pull them further apart.

“there we go,” he chuckled at the deeper angle he was able to reach, places that were untouched inside of you. “you gonna come?”

“please, oh my god, please!” you broke eye contact with him in the mirror to take a breath before he yanked your hair back.

“then fucking do it,” he growled in your ear. “come all over my dick, baby.”

“oh my-fuck!!” he felt your pussy fluttering around his member as he fucked you through your orgasm, helping him near his own.

“shit, so fucking good,” he moaned in your ear. “where do you want it?”

“inside. inside, please inside of me,” you begged him once more.

“want me to fill you up?” he looked up to see you looking at him with pure lust… and maybe something more before he came inside of you.

as he fucked his cum back into you, the both of you could hear fireworks going off in the background.

“happy new year, spencer,” you chuckled before he pulled out and fixed your underwear.

“happy new year, y/n,” he smiled before gently grasping your face and pulling you in for yet another kiss.

here’s to a happy new year and many more with what you’ve come to find is the love of your life.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 3/8/22

this week on This Old House

listening dangerous heart, by night club. another kind of goofy little song with a hook that’s thoroughly stuck in my head, that little bloopy bit that sounds like you’re booking it down a rainy highway in a eighties cybernoir. i would have been Very Into this song in high school, but it’s got a real 2016-2018 flavor of...songs that a movie about a female assassin would feature in the climax, where she’s stalking inside a secured facility soaked in rain and neon to kill her mentor/replacement father figure. this sort of driving but understated club music simply did not exist when i graduated high school in 2013

reading fallow week

watching everyone will be delighted to know i am finally watching deep space nine, one of the uncountable star trek tv runs. im about halfway through s1 and im very much “wow cool space station!” and enjoy the little morality puzzle it throws at me and then immediately bulldozes over. who all here has good meta or background reading. apparently there’s a podcast some of the cast did breaking down each episode and i do want to listen to that but maybe not right now.

i love aggravated hands on hips dad sisko. no one will be surprised to know i adore major kira. awful terrible woman, great deal of fun to watch.

playing parking jam 3D, a free mobile game by popcore. unfortunately i did pay to remove ads on this one but i think it has paid for itself by helping me fall asleep several nights in a row. sometimes i check out an app if it’s been in the top 20 for several months of logging shit for work in a row. just to see what’s up. i like simple slidy puzzles. soothing for the brain

the dev, popcore, is a berlin-based company with 100+ employees which is on the larger side for a studio that hasn’t been snapped up yet but they’re making a fucking killing bc their ad placement and frequency is incredibly fucking annoying and this half-paying-attention feedback loop makes it real easy to do uhhhhh several thousand levels while waiting for other things to happen. hypercasual games! easy to pick up with no language barrier where a level can be played in under thirty seconds! that’s how they getcha! i know how it works and i work here and it still got me!

making all right here we go lotta shit happened this weekend bc i attempted to work out some rage in a healthier way mostly by making my kitchen nicer. i’m still catatonically angry but my kitchen does look way nicer.

but first two additions to the bay window room (in my head i call it the office bc that’s mostly what i do in there but it feels very proprietary. other people live here also):

this tiny hardwood/brass table cleaned up very nicely, i regrettably did not take before pics and the craigslist posting has been sensibly taken down. brassoed the living hell out of it, then murphy’s wood soap, 3 layers of tea stain on scratches that didn’t do much of anything, tightened the joints, “solved” a stripped screw problem with a generous dollop of wood glue, and put my little felt furniture pads i love so much on the feeties. there are zero ninety degree angles in this house and none of the floors are level either but it’s at an acceptable level of wobble. i keep forgetting to acquire a rubber mallet to gently persuade the little brass tray to go back in its little cutout but it’s usable. the goal is to make a nice little reading nook in the entryway/other living room bc we simply don’t really use that room very much and it’s weird.

this three and a half foot tall lamp also cleaned up real nice: (vacuumed the shade, glued an alarming amount of the trim and edging back down with my good friend liquid stitch, cleaned the glass and cord, dusted off the metal part, pried open the bottom and removed the broken nightlight bulb)

kitchen: put up art (vaguely anti-war and anti-military-in-space themed, i cannot think of a more western massachusetts thing than decorating my sundrenched prewar kitchen with a gallery wall of activist posters mostly purchased in one fell swoop the last time i got a bonus, i have become that which i hate but it does look fucking sick imo) patched nail holes from failed attempts at gallery wall, caulked a bunch of shit while i was up there, patched some other nail holes from other shit.

after/before, posters from left to right: fuck your space tourism, protect mauna kea, bofa het (my sister got this at some local print on demand shop but here’s an etsy listing), daddy what did you do in the climate war?, a gift from the people of the united states of america, we checked no heaven for bootlickers, octavia butler

acquired pompom trim. acquired more fabric to make curtains for the hall window. washed the new fabric and the curtains i had already made and managed to bleach them evenly, a thing i did not manage the last time i washed them. put the pompom trim on the sink window curtains, managed to complete one set of cafe curtains but i do not have it in me tonight to do the other set so that’ll have to be next week’s making or something. also put up plants on plant hooks from the ceiling (found out my ceiling is inch and a quarter thick plaster and lath) but am also not satisfied with how they are hanging. much to tweak.

there are a couple more things i want to do in the kitchen (magnetic knife strip, contact paper for our weird backsplash, figure out wtf is up with our water filter, finish the wretched hive of scum and villainy cross stitch + frame + hang that up so it covers a weird hole left by a light fixture over our back entryway, a better solution for mops and brooms and shit, caulk some more shit and replace the weatherstripping on the back door) but other than that i am mostly satisfied with that room. i have plates and glasses and cutlery i like and a kitchen table and chairs that could survive a direct hit from a tank. spent a truly ridiculous amount of time and money getting this kitchen, the room i spend the least time in, Just So bc i had such a clear vision in my brain of what i wanted and we are Almost There.

also deep cleaned the kitchen and discovered a slow leak bc that’s just how it goes. conveniently, the shower handle fell the fuck off last night and the bathroom sink stopper has not worked since we moved in (we have been propping it open with a dull paring knife for eight months) so hopefully whoever our landlord sends to fix this will make our house much more functional. even if he refuses to pay for the moth treatment, plumbing shit is a thing that is very clearly his responsibility in our lease. bastard.

[binniesthighs]

don’t you forget about me | reader x jeongin

it’s the last day that you might ever see him again, so, to hell with it, right? (image from straykidsfilm on twt!) 

please read the CWs bc this fic talks about body image!! this is something close to me as well, and I wanted to share some cute innie love!! <3 

hey you reading this! you’re gorgeous ;) 

don’t you forget about me | reader x jeongin 

Pairing: self insert, female reader x yang jeongin 

Genre:  fluff n’ smut 

Tags: high school crush au (everyone depicted in this fic is at least 18), virgin!reader, virgin!jeongin, plussize!reader (i think this is the right tag, if not plz correct me!) first time au, cuties in love, softdom!jeongin, (hehe ya know I love me a soft dom), sub!reader, unprotected sex (stay safe cuties!) semi-public sex, nipple play (f), fingering (f), cumshot, somewhat of a quickie, dirty talking, lil bit of a corruption kink, cute fluffy undertones!

CWs: brief mention of a fistfight and blood/wounds, insecurity over weight and descriptive narrative about body weight/appearance and negative self image 

Word count: 7.1k 

Word had spread that someone had gotten into a fight on the last day of school.  Supposedly, it had occurred during the second to last hour of the day, and it was a group of three to four boys. The rest of the details had been unclear, but you had heard mutterings about their names, or how each of them had walked into the principal’s office with bloodied knuckles, fat lips, and purple bruises to their cheekbones. You had heard that one of them had laughed in the face of the principal, claiming that they simply had it coming. 

“I heard that they were from class A-4. Or was it A-3?” 

Your friend leaned over with her skirt ruffling on her plastic chair. 

“Who could be so stupid?” She strung her bubble-gum around her finger with cracked nail-polish. “Are they looking to graduate, or what?” 

“I don’t know...” 

In your lap, you hands grew clammy with sweat. It was against your will, but you couldn’t but help thinking...

Yang Jeongin was in class A-4. 

Your chest tightened thinking about if it had been him that had gotten in the fight. 

It was no secret that you had harbored a crush on the boyishly handsome student from the other class of your same year. You had read or seen somewhere that the reason that they called crushes “crushes” was because they did just that--they crushed you to the full extent of the word. Whoever had said that, you had learned that they were 100% right. Having a crush on Yang Jeongin had been the most painful experience of your life. Since middle school, it had been something that you had scribbled in your diary, and the reason why you would hold your breath when he walked by with his friends, or when you’d see him on the same bus as you. 

You can’t exactly recall when it started, it just kind of did. 

There was nothing extremely notable about him: he wasn’t his class president, he wasn’t the ace of a sports team, nor did he even have friends who really were notable either. No matter how much you pondered it, you couldn’t figure out what it was about him. 

Yang Jeongin was known for having a kind smile and a jovial laugh, so you just decided that it must’ve been one of these things. This semester he had ashy-grey brown hair, and your best friend still hadn’t heard the end of it from you. Over time, you had learned that he liked banana milk with his lunch and kept a fox enamel pin on his backpack. He had worn the same beat up sneakers for all of high school and wore this same grey hoodie on most days when it would get cold. 

A couple times you had imagined what it would’ve been like if he had let you borrow it on the days when it would mist on spring mornings, or when snow would fall early in November. There had even been times when you imagined him holding your hand, walking down the hall, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to hold you close...among other things. Somehow, you liked to think that he would be the kind of person who would love you more than you could love yourself. Granted, you never could know for sure. Being optimistic made up half of your fantasies. 

“Just confess already.” 

Your best friend had said half a million times over the course of the years. 

The more you had contemplated it, the less sense that it made. A confession would’ve been a whole lot easier if he had known who you were. 

“There's no way.” You had said morosely. “As if he would say yes to me.” 

“Can’t know unless you try.” Your friend smiled, sucking at her lollipop on the walk home. “Don’t pretend like you’ve never written him a confession letter before...” Her backpack hopped up and down with her arms outstretched animatedly in that alley decorated with vines. “...Where do you keep them? In your desk? Under your bed? In your sock drawer?” 

“Oh shut up!!” You nudged her, sending her spiraling out with laughter. 

“If it’s the last day of school, you’ve got nothing to loose! You’ll never see him again! If he says no, no big deal!” 

The clock ticked on the wall to your classroom, the seconds hand moving silently faster and faster the more that you looked at it. Under your desk, your fingertips pricked the edges of the pink envelope. You had written your the name as nicely as you could with flowery cursive with tiny flowers. On the back, you had sealed it with a sticker: an orange fox. 

Your throat grew dry seeing only six minutes before the bell would ring, and then the metal legs of chairs would scrape on the floor, the hallway would flood with students, and you would make your way to his locker and pray that he would stop by there. In many ways, just thinking about it was enough to make your stomach do somersaults and for your hands to wet even more embarrassingly with sweat. Your knees felt limp, and you wondered if you even had it in you. 

Even worse, a deeper fear crept in the back of your mind--it was much more venomous and horrifying, but you couldn’t keep it down. You feared that he would laugh in your face, throw the letter down, and throw his head back at you and how ridiculous your moment of confidence had been. 

How could be like someone like me? 

Perhaps your biggest fear of all, even greater than the rejection, was him admitting that he could never like someone like you. 

Your skirt was tighter on you than most, at least, tighter than it was on the other girls. When you would shop at the school uniform store, you could never escape the glares from the ladies when you and your mother asked for the larger sizes that they had. Your soft cheeks were plush and squishy, and your belly striped with stretch marks that you had stopped looking at in the mirror. Because it was more comfortable, you wore leggings under you skirt, even in the warmer months, even if it made you sweat. Oversized sweaters would swim over your frame, for the very reason that you could swim in them. 

As optimistic as you could be, there had been some nights worse than the others where tears would wet your eyes before sleep, no matter how many affirmations and positive sticky notes you had pasted to the back of your bedroom door. 

How could I like someone like you? 

It would be so easy for him to say it. Words flicked off the tongue hastily are the ones that often hurt the most. You just hoped and hoped that he had been everything that you had made him to be...as unrealistic as it was. 

The bell chimed, and you felt your heart leap into your throat when the room erupted into cheers and papers and desks went flying and screeching around the floor. 

“Are you ready?” Your friend winked, and the corners of the letter pricked your fingers. 

~💌~

With some stroke of luck, he was exactly where you had wanted him to be. Even then, some small part of you had secretly had hoped that he hadn’t just so you could walk away. You would’ve walked away from him, that school, everyone who had known you and just let it be. However, fate had been much kinder to you...damned fate. 

Your heart quickened upon seeing him. He was wearing that same grey hoodie with the drawstrings that he would tie into bows sometimes, and that same enamel pin shone silver on his backpack. You realized that it even looked almost exactly like the sticker you had used. His navy uniform slacks were dusted with dirt however, and one of the knees had a bit of a tear to it. In your horror, you then saw the scrapes on his face: one right under his eye, on his left cheek, and a thin red line on his bottom lip where it had cracked open. Before you could think of anything else, seeing how much it must’ve hurt him made your heart twist.

From your backpack, you drew out the rest of the stuff that you had prepared, and tried your best not to collapse from the way that your knees trembled. 

“H-hi...” You announced, head down, and mouth deathly dry. 

Yang Jeongin whipped his head over to see you, slightly startled. Up this close you could see his adorable brown eyes that even looked at if they glistened with stars in them. 

“...Hi?” He returned, closing his locker, and wetting his lips. 

Your heartbeat rang in your ears, and you quickly presented him with the letter, the carton of banana milk with the heart sticker on top, and the tiny case of animal shaped cookies. 

With eyes glued to the floor and his beat up gym shoes, you said the words as fast as humanly possible, “I-know-that-you-don’t-know-who-I-am-but-I’ve-really-liked-you-for-such-a-long-time-now-and-seeing-as-its-the-last-day-of-school-I-wanted-to-tell-you-so-please-accept-this!!” 

You waited for what felt like hours, then he took the items from your hands with a tentative touch. “Um...thank you...for this.” 

This was it. It was happening. You had already known that it wouldn’t get much better, and the way that he looked petrified only made you feel even more heat rush to your cheeks. Even then, now that the words had escaped your lips for the whole universe to hear, it felt good in some small, relieving way.  

“Y-you don’t have to say anything back. Please don’t...don’t feel obligated to, I just...” Your voice trailed, and your eyes wandered to the exit door behind him, and the green of the summery trees. 

I should just leave. It would be better if I left. If I walk away, this is all over...

The hem of your skirt tickled your nervous fingers, and you had nearly made up your mind. You wished at least that he would say something rather than just staring. 

“I-I can just...leave, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...how could I think that...nevermind.” 

It took everything that you had, but you blinked the tears that stung the corners of your eyes and you hiked your backpack straps up a little higher. 

You motioned to the things in his hands, “I hope that you enjoy those things and...good luck at university.” 

You flashed a feeble smile for him, right back to his astonished face. Just outside of the exit, there was the rest of the world in front of you, and you also took peace in the fact that it really was a really nice day then. 

“W-wait!!” He suddenly said with a slight crack to his voice, turning after you to grab at your wrist too. As soon as he did, his eyes widened, the the gruff voices of a group of boys echoed down the hall. 

“Where is that shithead?? This isn’t over.” The tall boy from class A-4 balled up his hand into a fist, and smacked it into his palm. The tall boy and about three of his friends also had red knuckles and scratches on their faces, each to a varying level of degree. 

“Shit.” Jeongin bit his lip, and his grip on your wrist tightened. “Uh-can you come with me?? This way?? Fuck--” He nodded toward the opposite hallway, and your head spun thinking why he would want you to come with him. 

“What?? Why??” 

“Just--” He watched the boys coming frantically and hid behind his locker door. “They’ll beat the shit out of me again. Just....come on!” 

A nervous thrill sent a shiver down your spine feeling his hand and the warmth there while he guided you, pushing and parting the sea of bodies chatting and hugging each other goodbye. 

“Where are we going?” You called to him, and the little carton of banana milk swayed in his opposite hand. 

“I don’t know. Anywhere.” 

You followed him further and further, through the hallways that had emptied of students or any semblance of them. Shades had been pulled in most of the empty rooms, and the chairs had been placed on top of the tabletops of desks. Both of your shoes squeaked under the flooring when you turned corners, and the sound of his nervous panting became louder and louder. Where he held you, the sleeve of his sweater bushed up against you, and it was even softer than you had imagined. 

Jeongin pulled at several doorknobs, finding them to be locked, head turning to see if the group of boys had followed. At last, he found one that did unlock, and he threw it open on its hinges as quickly as he could. It was one of the storage closets for the theater department, and it was dustily coated on all surfaces and even moldy smelling, with not a window to be found. Jeongin flicked on the light, revealing the stacks of props and furniture that you vaguely remembered seeing in performances in the past. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pull you so hard.” Jeongin finally said. 

“It...it’s okay.” 

“If I got caught with them again I might as well kiss college goodbye...” He raked an anxious hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to fight with them before...” 

“Are...you okay?” You softened your tone, seeing the way that the pink marks on his face must’ve been made against the hard cement of the floor outside. 

“I-I’m fine. Thank you.” 

His eyes really did look like they glistened. 

“It...it’s really funny actually...” He shoved his hand into his pocket, fumbling with the contents with a shaking hand, then took out a crumbled piece of notebook paper that had been torn. “Take it.” He prompted with wide eyes. 

“Me??” 

“Who else?” He laughed lightly. 

The note had been written in black ink, and it smudged and bled to the other side of the paper, and the scribbled handwriting looked rushed as if it was an afterthought or some kind of crazed ramble. You unfolded it all the way, starting at the first sentence. 

dear y/n from A-2, 

you probably don’t know my name, but I’m yang jeonjin jeongin from class A-4, i wanted to write this to tell you that I think that youve you’re really  pretty, beautiful and that i’ve been kind of watching you for about a year now, i’m sorry if that’s creepy but, yeah, i just think that you’re really cool and i like it when you smile. i’m sorry that i didn’t say anythimg aything anything about this sooner, i was kind of shy about it to be honest, i didn’t want you to thank think that I was being disrespectful or anything like that, but seeing that its the last day of shcool school and I don’t have a ton to lose loose lose i thought that it was worth a shot. if this doesn’t go the way id i’d like it to, please don’t stop smilng smiling ♥

-yji 

By now, the boy from A-4 was swaying his body back and forth almost violently as he waited for you to read the letter and fiddled with his arms crossed. His teeth tugged at his lip, and he anxiously awaited for you to say something. Little did he know that reading his words you were so shocked that you were certain that you had forgotten how to breathe for a couple moments. 

“M-me? You mean this...for me?” 

“Yeah?” He advanced to take the letter back, “I’m really sorry if it’s creepy, I know that you don’t know me at all and we’ve never spoken, this must be really startling but...I wasn’t expecting for you to write me one too.” 

The adorable boy blushed and rubbed the back of his neck with a tiny growing smile. 

“S-sorry that I was so quiet earlier, I was just really surprised.” Jeongin flipped your letter over too, then gasped a little seeing the fox on the back. “Oh.” 

On the other side of the door, the loud and clambering footsteps of that group of idiotic boys clomped and they grunted among themselves asking where Jeongin had went. The two of you held your breath, and soon the voices receded. Once they passed, you threw your backpack around to scramble around the front pocket, pulling out a Band-Aid that must’ve been there for at least a year, but it still worked the same. 

“Here...do you need it?” 

“Oh! Um-no, but, thank you.” 

A silence filled the dusty room, and Jeongin awkwardly moved to sit on one of the old prop couches. He patted the spot next to him, beckoning you to do the same. 

“The timing...kinda sucks.” 

You laughed slightly, “That’s sort of my fault.” 

“--My fault too.” He quickly added. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get the chance to know you sooner. Maybe we could’ve...” Jeongin dug his fingers into the velvety upholstery. 

Slowly, your sinking insecurities started to creep like vines with thorns, and the words spilled out of your mouth before you had something to do with it. 

Maybe he’s just being nice? Are you really certain that letter was meant for you? 

“I guess that I’m just really surprised that you of all people could end up liking someone like me. Someone...that looks like me.”

The young boy cocked his head with his eyebrows confusedly crossed. “I don’t see what you mean?” 

“‘Cause I’m like...” You motioned to your thighs, a bit chubbier, your larger breasts, and your skirt riding up your legs too. “...like this?” 

“But there’s nothing wrong with you?” 

“Psh...”nothing wrong with me”...” You laughed with sarcasm at the comment. “Have you seen the other girls in the school? Some of them are frickin’ idols for crying out loud...” 

Jeongin’s eyes widened, and he scooched in a bit closer, but slowly; carefully. “What I’m trying to say is...that there’s no one else like you! And--” 

“--That’s exactly it. I’m not like everyone else...” 

Jeongin blabbered, and his hand found yours resting on your lap. “I-I’m not s-saying that’s a bad thing! I’m saying that the reason why you stood out to me was because I think...” He shied, cheeks becoming even rosier. “...Because you just seemed so happy all the time, like, you didn’t care what others did or thought of you, I could tell, even from kind of far away, that you were someone who’s real not some kind of made-up thing that you put on every morning for the rest of the world to see you as. Also...” He giggled, “I just thought that you were really cute too.”

His thumb brushed up against the back of your hand, and you couldn’t help but smile at the small feeling. 

“I mean...I do think about what people think of me, I think about it all the time...” 

“I do too.” He said quietly. “Why else did I let it get so far that I let four guys gang up on me outside school?” 

You didn’t press him for more, but merely let your opposite hand rest of top of his as you watched his expression fall. When he was in school, you had only ever seen him smile, but now seeing him like this, it was a whole other side. He looked up at you with his pleading eyes, and they were utterly gorgeous. 

“My mom...my mom doesn’t make a ton of money. She barely makes enough to send to me school here, or buy me stuff like new clothes or uniforms each year. I almost never see her because she has to work so hard for me and my brothers...those...assholes had something to say about it and I kind of...snapped. No one can say shit about my mom when they don’t know how hard that she works for us.” 

Your eyes fell to his scuffed and worn sneakers, and it all made sense. 

“Then they found the letter...I didn’t want them to ruin the last good thing that I had going for me.” 

In that moment, the whole world became silenced. You were the last good thing going for him and you had never even known. 

Then, he smiled, broken as it was, bit it was still embodied his gentle warmth that you had fallen in love with all those years ago. 

“But! It turned out okay I think.” Jeongin said with a sigh. He glanced down at your interlocking hands on your lap and chuckled a little bit. “Kinda cool that this worked out though. Maybe we could spend the summer getting to know each other?” 

This time, you let one of your happy tears drip down your cheek, and nodded gleefully. “Okay. I’d like that.” 

Jeongin smiled, just as you had seen him do it a hundred times, but this time you knew that it was all for you. 

“Can I...can I kiss you? If that’s okay? I-I’m sorry if this is really forward...I just...really want to.” He asked gently, then wiped away your tears with the pad of his thumb. 

You nodded, feeling  your whole body shake just a little with your nervousness and anticipation. The world appeared to melt away once he had leaned in to press his lips on yours as softly and as carefully as he could. In that moment, you had forgotten where you were, what time it was or the rest of the beautiful summer day outside the doors of that school. Here, it was just you and him. Embarrassing as it was, this had been your first kiss too. Your mind raced with a million thoughts, asking yourself if you had been doing it right, but once you felt him smile lightly into you, your chest shivered with a sense of relief. 

You had never expected kissing to feel like this, and it was a bit strange feeling something so close and intimate right on your own skin. At the same time, it felt like nothing else in the entire world had, and you only wanted more and more of it. He was cautious and respectful in the way that he had tilted his head, and loving how he had cupped your face with his hands cracked and bruised. You didn’t know where to put your hands at first, but settled one hand on his thigh, and the other on his shoulder where you tugged at his white button up stained with dirt. 

He too shook with a sigh, readjusting himself, then ran one of his hands down your arm to hold your hand were it rested on him. He tangled your fingers together, and made a tiny little gasp feeling you connect with him. In seconds, he allowed himself to grow rougher, running his lips over yours with a type of fervency that teased at your bottom lip where you felt the warmth of his tongue. It took no more consideration, and you gave him the permission to meet the heat of his tongue with yours between parted lips now becoming a bit swollen. 

Jeongin broke your connection for moments, and a different kind of haze took over his eyes. The way that he looked over your quivering lips sent shivers through your whole body, and he dragged his thumb over the tiny streak of saliva that shone on your lip. 

“Is it okay if I touch you? In other places?” His eyes fell, and you giggled at the way that a kind of lust-filled hunger seemed to overtake him. For years you had fantasized about him ravishing you like this, and giving love to every inch of your body no matter how hard it had been for you to do that same to yourself. Still, as hesitant as you were, you feared that he would get a taste of all of you, and still change his mind. 

“Really?” You stammered, instinctually crossing your arms around your chest. “You don’t think that I’m gro--”

“If you’re about to say “gross” don’t.” His expression became much more serious. “I-I’ll say it again a million more times if I need to: you, all that you are, is what I’ve been thinking of for so long, I’d love to touch you wherever you’ll let me.” 

This time, you didn’t know if the tears were happy or sad, but regardless, the fat drops still fell down your cheeks. 

“--And you can say no too. If you’re not comfortable, we can just keep doing what we were doing...there’s nothing wrong with that at all.” 

The dim yellow light in the room buzzed, and you had recalled all the many number of times that you had pictured the very scene about to occur. On lonely nights, you wished to have felt his hands all over you, and now, they really could be. 

“What do you say?” He asked, and squeezed your hand along with his. 

“Can we...go slow with it? I’ve never...no one has ever offered to--” 

“Of course we can.” He smiled adorably, which was a bit odd considering what he had just proposed. “But...I didn’t hear you say yes?” 

“Yes.” You quickly added with a nervous inhale, but held his gaze with your assurance. “I-I want you to.” 

The boy from the other class grinned, then took to carefully running his hands down your arms once more, and craning his neck to plant sweet little kisses into your neck: the stimulation from which made you whimper out of your own accord, and he giggled upon hearing it. 

“You like that?” He whispered greedily, then continued sucking a little harder. Jeongin shrugged down your sweater from the collar, and his wandering hands circled little rubs into your bare arms. 

Next, his fingers crept up slowly and cautiously at the bottom of your shirt, testing at first, but not pulling up the fabric all together. His cold fingertips buzzed on your skin in that drafty room, and he brought his lips back up to yours, also making tiny trailed gasps as he crept up all the way to your breasts. The moment that he touched them, both of you appeared to shiver on each other’s bodies, and your kisses grew even needier. At first he cupped over the padding of your bra, kneading and squeezing to play with the way that they jiggled slightly then pulling a bit harder, and relishing the way that they filled up his palms. 

“Does this feel good?” Jeongin asked on your lips and you nodded back immediately. 

The two of you leaned back on the aged couch, and the young man cradled your head to guide you into the cushion of the upholstery. He admired you for a few moments under him with one leg between your thighs and the other supporting himself and slipping a little on the cement floors. His thigh was just close enough to the heat of your arousal between your legs, and it ached and throbbed so badly, you were convinced you had never felt a feeling as intense as this. He leaned in closer, and pressed the muscle into your clit, and a muffled moan caught on your lip that surprised even him. 

“Can I touch you even closer?” He asked, and those ashy grey-brown strands of his dipped over his eyes. 

“Y-yes...please.” You found yourself begging, and he mischievously grinned at your desperation. 

Under the cotton of your shirt, his fingers slipped under the padding of your bra to toy with your breasts directly. He kissed even more tiny quaking breaths into your mouth, finally finding your hardened nipples and tweaking them with his thumb and index. He pulled lightly at them, making your buds even more sensitive. You cried out with a helpless “ah!” and he stopped, worry across his face as if he had hurt you. 

“F-feels really good. Don’t...don’t stop please...Jeongin...” 

Absentmindedly, your hips had started to grind against his leg, and he had taken notice of it too. Had you been a bit more attentive, you could’ve seen the way that his member had swelled in his navy slacks, and throbbed, begging for attention too. 

You could barely watch, but he hiked your shirt up, baring your cushy tummy for him to see only and you threw your embarrassed arms over your face. As long as you had kept the evil words at bay, they were much more seductive than any affirmation you could’ve repeated to yourself. 

“Oh-are you okay?” Do you want me to stop?” The young boy immediately stopped and removed his hands. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“N-no...it’s just...I’m really nervous be-because I’m--” 

He sighed, then pulled your shirt down once more. “I can stop doing that for now. But...I just want you to know...I think that everything about you is even more beautiful than you know and these...imperfections--which they’re not--is everything that drives me crazy. Please don’t think that I see you negatively at all. I promise that I want to make you feel good everywhere.” 

“Mm-okay.” You shook with a heavy sigh. “You aren’t...disappointed or anything?” 

Jeongin pressed a simple kiss onto your upper lip with a smile “Disappointed? Why?” 

“Because I don’t want--” 

“--No?? I’m not disappointed at all! You don’t owe me anything at all! Especially when you’re not comfortable with it.” 

“Hm, thank you.” 

He continued with a tiny grunt, lowering himself even closer to you, “Can I please kiss you some more?” 

You allowed him, with the warmth of your kisses' meeting in the middle. The heat in your pussy pooled even greater, and you grinded further, thirsting for him in ways that felt forbidden. For a brief moment, you felt the fear seeping back in, head racing with the dozens of thoughts that he might have if he were to see your stretch marks on your belly and on the top-parts of your thighs. The more that you found desire for him, the less that you were convinced that he wouldn’t desire you as much as you did him. 

“Do you want...I can touch down here too?” Jeongin hushed, breaking for a minute to hold your eyes earnestly. “Would that be okay?” 

He had noticed the way that you had pathetically rubbed into his leg, and this too sent your hands over your shy face. 

“M’ sorry...I can’t help...it feels good too...” 

“Don’t apologize! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way.” Your crush smiled with his eyes smiling in the same way. “You can...probably tell.” 

“--But...what if you don’t like it?” 

He cocked his head, “Like what?” 

Your lip quivered and you found tears stinging your eyes once more. “Don’t like..m-me? What I look like?” 

“What!? Y/n...my head is like frickin’ spinning thinking about what you look under these clothes--can you please believe me?” 

“It...it’s hard to...” Fat tears came waterfalling down your cheeks, and once again the young boy fully stopped his advances. 

“The fact that I’m here with you, kissing you like this after daydreaming about it for so long...there’s nothing more that I want than to make you feel good right now. Trust me.” 

“A-are you sure?” 

“Y/n. I’m 100% sure. And you don’t--you don’t have to even take this off if you don’t want to...” He toyed with your skirt. “But these might get in the way.” He ran both of his hands up and down your thighs and leggings with flat palms, and you felt your whole body ache for more than just that. “Again, we don’t have to if you don’t want.” he gave you a reassuring smile, “We still have the whole summer--” 

“I do!! I...still do...” 

Your quick answer started the both you, but Jeongin still didn’t advance faster than what was comfortable to you. Instead, he carefully snaked his hands up and under your skirt, finding the elastic of the leggings then pulled. 

His eyes blew out, enamored, seeing your bare skin, and he wetted his lips too seeing the way that your underwear had glistened with your essence. It was against your will, but you had soaked through your panties which he had swiped over a couple times accidentally, and the action itself sent an aching quiver to your untouched bud. You watched his every move has he angled his hand to ghost over the wet fabric, making you squeak from the new sensation. After, he found the band to your panties, pulling them down too. 

“Wow.” He gasped, seeing the way that your bud twitched. 

Jeongin dipped his fingers into your wetted folds, teasing at first. 

“Woah.” He said with a little gasp. “You’re really...” 

You stifled a moan with your lip, feeling your cheeks grow even warmer as his digits slicked with your arousal. “I-I know...I’ve never like, done anything like this before.” 

The young boy’s thumb grazed over your clit, eliciting an immediate response, and your heels went digging into the cushion of the couch. 

“This is your first time?’ He asked gently, two fingers now filling up your entrance. 

The best you could, you tried to remain quiet, but the harder and deeper that he had advanced, the harder that it became. Your eyes wandered, right to the pressure he had created under his belt loops, and you wondered furiously what he would’ve felt like inside of you; if he could stretch you out, or what it would have felt to just be like that with another person. 

Jeongin admired the way that your face scrunched up with a prideful little smile, and loved every minute of the way that your mouth would form airy “oh’s.” 

“You like feeling my fingers inside of you? Fucking right into your wet pussy?” 

His gaze held a lusty glaze seeing the way that your eyes blew out upon hearing his dirty words, and it only seemed to make him throb even harder himself. 

“Y-yes...” You mewled, reaching out grabby hands to hold yourself steady on his shoulders, the other going to tug at his belt. 

“I-I wouldn’t mind if you...you know...” 

Jeongin rolled his body over yours, attaching his lips with yours once more just to let the words stick on your tongue. “You want me to fuck you?” 

“Only-only if you want to--” You could barely get the words out feeling your thighs to shake as he coaxed your nearer and nearer with his thumb rubbing circles over your enlarged button. 

“Of course I want to.” He assured you with even more kisses. “Are you sure?” 

You hooked a couple of your fingers to pull out his black leather belt from its confines, muttering a tiny “yes.” 

Jeongin carried out the rest of your job for you, going to quickly clink the metal of his belt away, tossing it to the cement floor haphazardly. From the boxers that he wore, there were a couple little wet stains, and the outline of his dick protruded thickly. Seeing it like this awakened something in you, something primal and feral that wanted nothing more to be connected to this boy and to have him spread you out until you could barely breathe. It was a horribly naughty thought, but as shameful as you felt, it was just as thrilling. 

The boy sprung free his erect member, pink and dripping with his pearly pre-cum, and pumped at it a couple times, eyes raking over your whole body in the way that you had only ever dreamed of. 

“This is actually...my first time too.” 

He had said the words coolly, almost like he didn’t care at all about them, but you had assumed he had done so to keep you from worry. 

“Oh fuck--” He muttered, taking his left hand to reach under your shirt once more and play with your breast roughly. “God, I can’t believe that this is happening.” 

You coyly hiked up your skirt a bit higher for him to get better access, but not all the way, just as far as you could feel comfortable. 

“I might’ve thought about this a couple times...” Jeongin said with a tiny smirk, then slowly dipped his hand back down to wet his fingers with your arousal, then coat it around his length. When he did so, he let out an unapologetic groan that wavered out of his mouth and filled up the room beautifully. 

“I’m gonna go slow, okay? I feel like I heard somewhere that it can kind of hurt for you the first time?” 

You nodded out quickly to let him know, finally becoming impatient enough to claw at his arms all wrapped up in that grey hoodie of his. 

He leaned down one final time, kissing you over before aligning himself with your pussy, kissing down your jaw, then to your neck where he buried his head as he lead himself into you. His arms shook where he held himself up, and the two of you shuddered at the feeling at last: that euphoric, tight, unreal feeling that you shared for the first time. 

You whimpered out, digging your nails into his back, and his breath hitched in his throat too. 

“I-its...s-so..tight.” Jeongin barely got the words out, but merely let himself throb around your velvet walls for a moment. “Y-you okay?” 

“Mmhm.” You said, barely able to get more words out than this. 

Truthfully, it did hurt just a little, but not as much as you had pictured it to be, but it was more like a pressure, and it only grew heavier as you got used to him. 

Jeongin started to thrust his hips slowly, even painfully so, but he maintained his pace dragging his hips over yours. He filled you up so fully it was unfathomable, and his length pressed up against your deepest spot, sending a kind of electricity through your whole body. 

He settled into a rhythm, finally getting comfortable enough to return back to your mouth to slick his tongue across yours, and cradle the side of your face in his hand. You let little whimpers fade into his mouth, as he did for you, and after long, he had decided to speed up just slightly to milk himself off with your tight walls. To your surprise, he reached his hand back down to your clit to rub at it erratically. His pattern made little sense, but compared to how he had been stimulating you deep inside too, you could barely hold on. 

Jeongin grunted, biting into your lip with a trace of teeth. “I-I want you to c-cum first--I can’t...I can’t--” 

Before you could even understand what he had said, the young boy snapped his hips harder, eyes closed and tiny bits of sweat forming on his brow. The pads of his fingers pushed harder, and you found yourself spinning even closer to an orgasm by his hand, the thought alone was enough to fulfil your deepest fantasies. 

“I want you to cum all over my dick for me, okay? Sh-shit...” 

“Jeong--” 

“God, you’re...fuck...” He laughed a little. “I really really like you y/n. I really...” 

It was as if the words had been stolen right from his mouth, and his voice had abandoned him, but all he could do was press harder, faster, glide his hips over you rougher...

“M’ gonna--” You gasped out with your whole core tightening into a knot that was just about ready to snap. The pressure behind your clit was intense and burning, and you became light-headed nearing the brink. 

All at once you came with a searing and inexplainable white heat--much more intense than you had ever felt before in your whole life, and every single muscle in your body quaked as you did so, and you threw your head back to that dusty cushion of the couch. Your eyes rolled back on their own accord, and the best that you could do to muffle your moans was throw your hand over your mouth--which was quickly removed by the young man to do the job himself. 

Your thighs violently shook and you felt yourself tighten around him. He too strung out explicatives as if they were the only words that he had known. You breathed out shallow gasps into his palm, and soon he tore himself out of your walls with incessant breaths, only having to jerk himself off for a few moments before his swollen tip burst with the white strings of his cum. He continued jerking himself as such until he had nothing more to give, and his own thighs shook where he had straddled you. You could feel his warmth on your thigh and the way that it dripped and slicked with the sweat of your leg. 

Jeongin’s entire face flushed with pink, and he stammered out realizing the mess that he had made all over you. 

“I-I’m so sorry...I-I didn’t realize, I wasn’t thinking...I just...” 

While it was a predicament, you mustered the best smile that you could for him, secretly and utterly loving the way that it felt on your bare skin.   

“I’ve got...I can figure something out--” 

“--Jeongin?” 

His attention snapped back to you in your afterglow, and you could practically see the boy melt right then and there. 

“--Don’t worry about it.” 

Just as he had been before, his smile creased into a shy and awkward little line, and he could barely hold your eyes. After the initial embarrassment, he couldn’t help himself but admire you.

“Hey Y/n?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this before, but I really do think that you’re perfect. If not perfect for yourself, I hope that I can show you how you are to me. You’re perfect for me. You’ve always been.” 

“So have you.” You admitted to him in that cobwebbed room that held all kinds of forgotten trinkets and items. 

“And thank you for giving me your letter too.” Jeongin raised the back of your hand to his lips where he placed a chaste kiss, then helped you carefully back up as to not make a mess of your skirt with the white staining your leg. 

Your crush smiled, then let out a gleeful exhale, “I can’t wait for this summer.” 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

[patchofsunlight]

Warmth | Zuko x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Avatar!Reader AU | Zuko has made many mistakes and holds uncountable regrets, but maybe Y/N can still love him back. Spoiler: she does.

REQUEST (by anon): “Could you do a zuko with maybe a f! avatar? Him falling in love with her like how they joked in ember island play. And him being tormented when she 'dies' in cross roads and them having some tender moment of confessing either in the western temple or ember island? maybe the play has the kiss and he confesses idk”

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

WARNINGS: Y/N is the Avatar, so Aang doesn’t exist. kissing, there might be swear words but I don’t really remember, bad editing. lots of mutual pining and some angst. I don’t know if I did this request justice but I really tried?

OBSERVATIONS: there’s a bit of Sokka x Reader bc I’m a weak woman but in the end he’s the main Zuko and Y/N shipper. not having Aang seriously hurt me. I wrote most of the Zuko sad rant in the beginning listening to Words Fail by Ben Platt and I think it would be interesting if you guys listened to that while reading? idk

I hope you all like it!!! feedback is always appreciated, so keep that in mind and thank you very much for reading!!

There was a hole inside his chest that Zuko simply couldn’t get rid of. It hurt him to his core, bringing pained sobs to the edge of his throat and slowly dismantling his soul.

He always thought getting rid of Y/N would quench his anger, rebuild his honor and complete his destiny. Now, his father accepted him again, Mai was his girlfriend, and Azula treated him like a true brother, in her own deranged ways. The Fire Nation considered him a hero, the man who killed the Avatar.

Then why did it trouble him so much? Why did he wake up every night in a cold sweat, with tears stinging his eyes? Why did he have the same nightmare over and over where he was the one responsible for her death, hitting her with lightning and watching as the light inside her disappeared, leaving behind only her idle body and Katara’s desperate cries? Why couldn’t he be satisfied? He had fulfilled his fate. He had done what he was meant to do, sided with his people, and fought against his greatest enemy. Why wasn’t he happy? Why couldn’t he ever be happy?

Back in Ba Sing Se, he saw her at the Jasmine Dragon more than once. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she first entered the teashop, and he was pretty sure she had recognized him, but Y/N managed to send a polite smile in his direction and sit down, greeting “Mushi” with joy. When Zuko served her tea, she asked him what his name was as if she didn’t know. She didn’t confront nor attack him — she simply let him live his new life and went on living hers. It felt like she had washed off his sins, erased the bloodstains he carried in his soul and hands. Y/N freed him of his past and he had thrown it all away.

It was the right thing to do, he had told himself day after day after day. Except it wasn’t, and now Iroh refused to talk to him and the Avatar was probably dead and, in the case she wasn’t, she would never forgive him. She wouldn’t let him be free of himself again and he would never get redemption for his mistakes.

He wished he could go back in time and fight alongside Y/N in that crystal cave, wished he could live up to the trust Katara offered him before they were saved, wished he could have stopped Azula from throwing that lightning bolt. He wished he could do things in the right way, yet he couldn’t. Zuko tried so hard to regain his so-called honor and to bring his father pride but his only real achievement was engulfing himself in guilt and regret, being aware that powerful and forgiving Y/N could be dead because of his lack of dignity and character — this couldn’t be honor. Violence, betrayal, death, and hurt couldn’t be honor, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his father’s pride if it meant feeling like this, like he was no good, like he was not worthy of love or praise or admiration.

Zuko had spent a great part of his life hating himself, but nothing compared to the hate he felt every night after waking up from another crushing nightmare. How dared he make this about himself and his feelings of guilt when the Avatar could be dead? How dared he worry about the Fire Lord’s pride when the world’s last hope was gone? How dared he indulge in self-pity after all he had done? He didn’t deserve pity, didn’t deserve help, he only deserved to wallow in his own pain and die. But that wouldn’t fix anything, neither would it bring Y/N back — he had to act, and he had to do it fast.

Going after Team Avatar was not difficult. He thought he would feel complicated like he had when first betraying Y/N’s trust, thought it would hurt like coming back to the Fire Nation did. Thankfully, leaving only caused a new type of satisfaction to bloom inside his chest, giving him the sensation he was finally walking through the right path. Hope seemed to pour out of every pore in his body and he could somehow think of better, future days when he would have done enough to make up for his mistakes, days when he didn’t feel the urge to scream every time he looked at a mirror. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to despise himself like he currently did, maybe things would be okay and he would be truly happy, if that was even something he had the capability to do.

But then they didn’t want him. He left everything behind, he charged every inch of his hope with the idea of joining the Avatar, and they didn’t want him. Why would they? Why would they, after everything he had done? How could he have even considered they would accept him, that she would trust him again? Of course they didn’t want him. No one did and no one ever would and that was entirely his fault — it was his fault that he was a bad person, took the wrong decisions, and caused pain and destruction. It was his fault he never did the right thing and he should’ve known he would be rejected again, for being rejected was just what he deserved.

But it still hurt. Oh, Spirits, it hurt. She couldn’t even look at him, even after he helped them defeat Combustion Man and was finally accepted in the group. Sadly, it made Zuko realize that, no matter where he stood, he would never be a part of their team, and Y/N would never trust him entirely. For some reason, that was more upsetting than their rejection. He wanted to impress her, wanted her to like him, and she never would.

“Y/N? Can I—can I come in?”

The Avatar looked up from the map she was currently analysing on her bed, studying his figure carefully before nodding with hesitance, “yes. Do you need something?”

He sighed deeply and walked towards her, feeling his heart crack when she brought her legs closer to her body and away from him the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, “I—I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, everything.”

Her expression hardened and she averted her eyes back to the map, “we have nothing to talk about, Zuko. You can go back to your room.”

The Fire Nation Prince swallowed nervously, “Y/N, please. I’m so, so sorry. I have made so many mistakes, I—”

“Zuko,” her voice was firm and emotionless, but that quickly changed when she met his gaze, “I thought things could be different. I thought things could be different back in the North Pole, when we first talked to each other and you told me about Azula. I thought things could be different when you saved me as the Blue Spirit. And I was so convinced things would be different when we met again in Ba Sing Se that I—” she scoffed at her own words, “I had a crush on you, can you believe that? That’s why I visited the teashop so regularly, I just wanted to see you. Stupid, of course. I should’ve known.”

Zuko was sure she could hear his anxious heart beating from the other side of the bed. They were less than a foot away, and yet it felt like miles. He didn’t want her to think about him like that, he didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. Damn, she used to have a crush on him, she liked him, and he screwed everything up like usual. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m—I’m here now, I’m on your side.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were on my side back then too. Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You need to teach me firebending and that’s the only reason you’re allowed here. Talking is unnecessary.”

“Please, I—”

“You should leave, Prince Zuko,” he flinched at the title escaping her lips, hating how it sounded bitter coming from her, “I have really important matters to deal with. We’ll start my firebending training tomorrow.” 

“Y/N—”

“Leave, Zuko.”

With a heaviness inside his stomach, he left the room, missing if by a second the frustrated tear that ran down Y/N’s cheek. She wanted to trust him, but how could she? How could she let him in after his betrayal? She had always been forgiving, but she refused to be naive — seeing Zuko side with Azula in the crystal caves hurt her deeply and shoved her little crush on him down her throat. She couldn’t go through that again, it would be simply idiotic to. Y/N had to stand her ground. She wouldn’t be hurt by him again.

-----

“Hey, jerks. Mind if I watch you two jerks do your jerkbending?”

“Get out of—” Zuko was interrupted by the Avatar’s laughter. Sokka smiled softly at her, cheeks blushing. For some reason, that only managed to piss Zuko off even more, “get out of here!”

“Okay, take it easy. I was just kidding around,” the Water Tribe boy winked at Y/N, “see you later?”

“Sure, we still need to see that part of the temple we found yesterday. Exploration partners!”

“Exploration partners!” he agreed with a chuckle and turned away from them. “Bye, Y/N. Jerkbending… Still got it.”

Zuko glanced at her with irritation while she watched Sokka leave. He felt already incredibly frustrated for not being able to produce his fire and not knowing why, he definitely did not need to watch as Sokka and Y/N flirted. 

They would make a cute couple, though, and she smiled so brightly at him it was physically painful to watch. He wanted her to smile like that at him, look like that at him. But she wouldn’t — she was over her crush and had no reason to ever feel anything towards him again, not after what he had done. He didn’t deserve her love anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

“So? Any progress, Sifu Hotman?”

“I told you not to call me that,” he snarled angrily and she sighed.

“Sorry, Sifu Hotman.”

“This was a mistake,” he sat down roughly, ignoring the ache on his legs due to the sudden movement, “maybe teaching you firebending is not my destiny.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, not understanding, “what do you mean?”

“How can I teach you anything when I’ve lost my fire, Y/N?” he chuckled sadly, letting one of his hands go through his hair in distress. “I wanted to be on the good side of the war and I can’t even make myself useful.”

“You haven’t lost your fire, Zuko,” her voice was careful, “I think you’re just going through some internal conflict and that’s reflecting on your bending, but if you were meant to teach me firebending, you will. Your destiny is still your destiny regardless, Sifu Hotman.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the Avatar! I’m not even sure who I am anymore, but you have always known what your destiny was.”

“Yeah, and I was scared of it,” she smiled softly, “I ran away and disappeared for a hundred years. People died because of my absence. I have made mistakes, and I have failed many, many times. Sadly, that doesn’t make me less of an Avatar. Zuko, if you must be my teacher, it’s gonna work. We’ll figure things out and you will get your fire back. Okay?”

He stared inside her eyes. There was still some sort of mistrust in them — she was willing to help him because she needed him, but still suspicious. She wasn’t really sure he was on their side, but this was a start. He was going to fix everything and he would make her proud. He would make Y/N happy to call him a friend. Or something more.

Maybe he had a crush on her, too.

-----

Toph’s idea to look for the original source of firebending had greatly backfired (no pun intended, even though Y/N could clearly hear Sokka’s laughter in her head at the joke). They traveled to the Sun Warriors’ ancient city and found an impressive temple adorned with statues. Things were going surprisingly well until they weren’t, and now they were stuck in a disgusting glue because Zuko touched the pretty gemstone. Hours had passed and Y/N was increasingly more annoyed at their situation.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn’t you?”

“At least I made something happen! If it were up to you, we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be stuck here either, so did you really win?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, “this is stupid. How are we getting out of here?”

“Help!” the girl screamed as loudly as she could, being met with only silence.

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody’s lived here for centuries,” the Fire Prince argued and it was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, what do you think we should do, genius?”

“Think about our place in the universe?”

Despite her current irritation, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at his words. He instinctively smiled back and she felt warmth spread through her chest.

She was starting to think she wasn’t as over her crush on him as she thought.

They were rescued by the Sun Warriors and judged by the last dragons, and Y/N was sure she hadn’t felt this alive in a while. After burning Katara (it was so long ago it seemed like a different life), she had thought of fire as something destructive, harmful, but she could now see it with new eyes. Fire could be love, life, and power. 

The Avatar glanced at Zuko. Maybe she could try and see him as that, too. 

-----

“You did well today,” Zuko complimented warily, avoiding her gaze, “if we keep up the training, you might become a better firebender than me.”

“Why, thank you, Hotman,” she smiled brightly and Zuko was sure he could pass out right there, “I just have a great teacher.”

“Y/N!”

The Avatar felt Sokka before she saw him, laughing at the way he hugged her from behind joyfully, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “Hey, honey. What’s up?”

“Doing fine,” he mumbled, brushing her hair off his face delicately, “wanna grab something to eat?”

“I think I’m gonna train some more and clean myself later. I’ll meet you after?”

“Sure! I’ll be back inside. See you, Y/N, Zuko.”

They both watched as the Water Tribe boy entered the temple again. There was a weird burning sensation running through Zuko’s blood when he asked, voice slightly raspy and overly quiet, “so, you and Sokka, huh? You make a nice couple.”

She turned her head to him so quickly it almost gave her whiplash, “what? No! I mean—” she blushed at the question, flustered by the fact he would even consider something like that. The Fire Prince waited silently, irritation surfacing at her stammering. He wasn’t sure why that angered him so much, but he decided to be still and listen, “we are just friends,” she concluded, “he means a lot to me, but so do Katara and Toph, you know? We are—we are just friends. He even likes that Kyoshi Warrior, Suki! So, yeah, we are definitely not a couple.”

“I see,” Zuko felt curiously static with that piece of information, “and you don’t have feelings for him?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I had a thing for him when we first met, but now it’s gone. He’s my best friend and I love him, just not like that.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?” Y/N turned her head to the side in confusion and he paled considerably, finally noticing the meaning of his own words. “Why is that good?”

“Oh? I—it’s good that you love him! Yeah, having friends is amazing, right? Yeah.”

She smiled amusingly, “it truly is.”

“Yeah.”

The Avatar chuckled lightly, “come on, Sifu Hotman. Let’s do that leg movement again, I think I’m not doing it right.”

Days passed and a lot of things happened. Zuko knew Y/N wouldn’t be happy with Sokka’s suicide mission, but he couldn’t let him do it alone, so he accompanied him to the Boiling Rock. Again, she wasn’t happy when he followed Katara for revenge for her mother’s death, but then at least someone had Katara’s back and was ready to protect her. He desperately wanted to earn Y/N’s trust and friendship, but that was rather difficult when he insisted on doing the stuff she didn’t want him to do.

They continued their training on Ember Island and the whole Team seemed to thoroughly enjoy the place. Y/N was giving her all to learn firebending and was succeeding splendidly. To be honest, Zuko loved to see her get the moves right — every single time she made it, she would look at him with bright eyes and grin. It was the most beautiful sight Zuko had ever seen and he would do anything to have it permanently engraved in his mind.

They stayed up late during one particular night. They were both exhausted after hours of training and ended up sat beside each other on the ground on the back of the Fire Nation Royal Family’s beach house. The air between them was filled with silence and heavy breathing from their previous effort.

“Hey, Zuko?” after a few moments, Y/N called him gently, voice tired and raspy giving him chills. She laid down and stared at the dark sky. “Look at the stars with me.”

He blinked, “really? I mean, shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Please?” her eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, lying down next to her. They looked at the sky quietly for a bit.

He liked to be around her. It could be the Avatar thing, but Y/N had a calming aura around her that was just unmissable. Being next to her like this gave him the feeling things would be alright, the feeling he was not worthless. It was a lie, of course. There was no way to know how their plans would go, and he was pretty much worthless.

But being beside her was enough to trick his mind. Maybe the little crush he harbored towards her had become something more — Spirits, he liked her so much. Not that it mattered, considering there was no way she would ever love him back, not after everything he had done.

“When I was younger, I believed we became stars when we died.”

He turned his head to look at her, “really?”

She turned to look back and his breath hitched at their close proximity. She chuckled, “yeah. I didn’t even know I was the Avatar back then, I was so young. They told me when I was sixteen, and I ran away shortly after,” there was bitterness to her words, “like a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Y/N. You had no way of knowing how things would go.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Besides, if you hadn’t run away, you wouldn’t have been stuck on ice for a hundred years, and I would never have met you, which would be awful,” he widened his eyes, completing quickly, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. I wouldn’t have met them either. Of course.”

Her smile was so pretty he forgot how to breathe, “you’re right, Zuko. I don’t think I would have liked to live a life where I never met you,” she smirked before going on with teasing eyes, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. Of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a blush on his face. They stared at each other carefully and Zuko was pretty sure his heart was performing a professional routine of somersaults inside his body. He definitely was past just a simple crush.

Y/N smiled that dazzling smile of hers before averting her gaze to the stars again and yawning. “We should go in.”

“We should,” the Fire Prince immediately started to sit up, but she held him down with a hand to his chest, and probably felt his crazy heartbeat under her fingers.

“Just a bit more, Prince Zuko,” she whispered, eyes trained to the sky. Slowly but surely, she moved her hand from his chest to his own hand, creating goosebumps on every inch of skin she lightly touched on the way there. Zuko could feel his body burn at the barely-there feeling of her fingertips. She intertwined her fingers with his carefully, giving him the chance to pull away if he so wished. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand. She immediately squeezed his back in reassurance.

In the middle of the quiet and comfort they suddenly found in each other, they fell asleep under the stars, fingers playing with each other until exhaustion finally engulfed them in dreams of pretty smiles and light touches.

It was nice to dodge the nightmares.

-----

“I’ve heard you and Zuko slept outside today,” Sokka had a teasing tone to his voice. Y/N glared at him, “you are together now or something?”

“We are not,” she countered, scratching Appa while they talked. Zuko, Toph, Katara, and Suki had left for the beach already. Y/N still needed to feed her sky bison and Sokka offered to help with the excuse of being a good friend. The Avatar was absolutely sure that wasn’t the real reason he stayed back alongside her and he was currently proving her right, “we were just stargazing and then fell asleep.”

“Stargazing, huh? Real cute. I bet it was an endearing impromptu date, wasn’t it?”

“Since when do you even know the word impromptu?”

“I am always full of surprises.”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes and he laughed loudly, “it was not a date.”

“But you do like him, right?.”

“What?” she turned her entire body to him, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms in a defensive stance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself and I can tell you have feelings for him,” Sokka copied her movements, staring at her with a smirk, “I also know he likes you back.”

Y/N scoffed and transferred her attention back to Appa, “he does not.”

“So you admit you like him!”

“Shut up, Sokka!” she glared, but quickly gave up under his intense eyes and raised brows. “Yeah, I like him. It doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yes, it does! He feels the same! Look, what about this,” he leaned in closer, that crazy look he had whenever making up a plan taking over his face, “we are going to watch that play about us tonight, right? Well, you guys can sit next to each other! Like a couple!”

“That’s a terrible idea, honey.”

“It’s not! I bet he’s gonna make a move!”

“He won’t, because he’s not in love with me.”

“Wait, you’re in love with him?”

Y/N’s entire body tensed up. She shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t in love with Zuko! Was she? I mean, she did love to be beside him, and her heart sped up when he gave her one of his rare smiles, and training with him when he had his shirt off was distracting to say the least. Besides, he really seemed to have changed and grown — she felt like she could trust him again, but she could never be sure, and she was adamant on not getting hurt once more. Especially now, when she was dealing with so many things. If he betrayed her a second time… Spirits, it would be just too much to handle.

“I don’t know,” she muttered and Sokka’s cheeky smile faltered, “I don’t want to be.”

He stretched an arm out to hold her hand fondly, “it’s fine, Y/N. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”

The Avatar smiled sadly, “thank you, Sokka. I’m really glad to have you in my life.”

“I know, honey. I’m great like that.”

She laughed loudly and he grinned in satisfaction, turning her body around and starting to lead her towards the beach, an arm through her shoulders holding her close to his body.

“Shut up, Sokka. You’re so stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

Zuko felt a pang to his chest when Sokka and Y/N arrived at the beach holding each other so dearly, but he knew he had no right to complain. She would be better off with Sokka anyway — he was good-looking, nice, funny, smart. Meanwhile, Zuko was nothing but a sad mixture of mistakes and regrets. The Avatar deserved more than that.

“Hey, Hotman,” she walked to him with a smile, planting a kiss on Sokka’s cheek before leaving his side. “Why are you all alone on the sand?”

“Because he’s boring,” Toph answered from some feet away and Katara chuckled. Zuko could feel his face redden.

“He is not,” Y/N argued amusingly, sitting down beside him and grinning. She glanced at him with a happy spark in her eyes, “are you excited for the play tonight?”

“No,” he muttered, but his lack of vivacity didn’t bother her in the slightest, “the Ember Island plays are always ridiculous.”

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she shrugged contently, basking in the hot sun, “if it isn’t, we can always throw food at the stage or whatever.”

He tried really hard, but couldn’t bit back the smile that took over his frown. He watched her attentively, noticing how she seemed to glow in the daylight, giving off this incredible warmth he had only ever seen on her. He averted away his gaze, feeling his neck and face heat up at how unapologetically beautiful she was.

Zuko cleared his throat quietly, “yeah, I guess.”

She only smirked in response.

-----

The play could be worse, he figured. Yes, their portrayal of him was horrible (even though his friends — could he call them friends? Were they friends? He hoped they were — said otherwise) and the actress playing Y/N was not nearly as pretty as the Avatar really was, but Y/N was next to him and, at some point, she had leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly and stayed there. All the training was getting to her and he felt inexplicable joy in the fact she trusted him enough to rest her body on his.

“Look,” her voice was raspy from sleepiness and a chill ran down his spine, “I think now is when you join Team Avatar and becomes our friend.”

He nodded carefully not to disturb her from her position and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled closer to his neck. Zuko watched as actor Zuko was accepted into the group and just after a scene with only him and actress Y/N started. Actor Zuko stared at the actress longingly, “my dear Y/N… I know I have wronged you in many ways, but I wanted to apologize for my mistakes and beg for your forgiveness!”

Y/N giggled at that, nudging him affectionately, “that really happened.”

He smiled, eyes following the performers on stage. Actor Zuko continued, “your forgiveness… And maybe your love, Avatar.”

They both immediately tensed up at the words and Y/N moved her head slightly, brows furrowing in confusion.

“My love, Prince Zuko?”

“Yes, my darling.”

They all watched as Actor Zuko and Actress Y/N kissed passionately, earning cheers from the audience. Sokka whistled loudly and Y/N turned to glare at him, receiving a wink in return.

“I have been in love with you since we first met!” Actor Zuko declared excitedly, holding Actress Y/N’s hands. “You are the only one who can make me forget about my teen angst. I love you, Y/N.”

“Well… I don’t!” Actress Y/N moved away swiftly and the crowd gasped in surprise. “I have accepted you in my group, Prince Zuko… But I’ll never accept you in my heart! You’re a bad person that doesn’t deserve my love!”

“What?!” Sokka almost screamed in disbelief. Y/N finally took her head off Zuko’s shoulder, incertitude swimming in her eyes. Before she had the chance to speak, Zuko had already left. The Water Tribe boy widened his eyes at her. “Go after him!”

Y/N nodded her head, getting out of her seat and walking after Zuko, calling his name. He ignored her, feeling anger boil inside him. He knew she would never directly say something like that, but he also knew it was true. She would never love him — he wasn’t worthy of her love, and he was pretty sure she was aware of that too.

“Zuko, wait!” she finally catched up to him, holding his arm and pulling him back. “It’s just a stupid play, Zuko. None of that is true.”

“Really, Y/N?” he turned to stare at her, rage covering his expression. “Because I’m almost certain it is. They said I don’t deserve love, Y/N, and that’s true. After everything I’ve done…”

“No!” she exclaimed desperately, shaking her head vehemently in disagreement. “Zuko, of course you deserve love. Yes, you have made mistakes, but all of us have. You shouldn’t care about what some actress says.”

“But they’re right, Y/N,” he insisted, feeling tears stinging his eyes, “I’m unworthy of love and everyone knows, and that’s why nobody actually loves me.”

“I love you!” she yelled out before she could stop herself, breath hitching at the troubled look taking over his face. Y/N sighed deeply, crossing her arms shyly and looking away, “I do,” her voice was small as she blushed, “I thought I was over my little crush for you but I wasn’t, and it’s—it’s much more than a little crush. I was afraid of admitting it but I know who you are, Zuko. You are loyal and smart and so inherently good and I love you. Spirits, I really do.”

  He stared at her for a second, processing her words. She fidgeted anxiously and he smiled at all her small manners. With certainty to his movements, Zuko took a step forwards and cradled her face in his hands. He studied every inch of her expression, waiting for some kind of rejection. She offered him a hopeful smile and he was quick to smash his lips with hers, feeling the warmth that always surrounded her consume him entirely. He kissed her passionately, happiness pouring out of him — the words “she loves you” echoing inside his mind like a broken record, filling his heart with joy.

She moved away when there was no more air in her lungs, breathing heavily and grinning like a mad woman. Y/N lifted her arm and touched his scar so fondly it physically hurt. Never before had he been touched with such care and it made tears flood his eyes, something she instantly noticed, giggling at his cuteness and drying one running tear with her thumb. She felt like her chest was full. He kissed her thumb lovingly when it rested near his mouth. 

She loved him. She thought he was worthy of love, of her love, even after everything he had done. No matter how many mistakes he had made, she still loved him, and that thought was enough to make Zuko feel some sort of hope towards the future.

Spirits, she really loved him.

“I love you too, Y/N. Very, very much.”

is it good? not really. could it be worse? yeah lmao

taglist: @bottledcostcowater @lammello @coldlilheart @azucanela @samsmultifandomblogs and @knaite-solo that asked to be tagged on this particular piece

thank you all for reading!! I hope you liked it!!