#like this is shit i'm Good At. and do regularly
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ok this is kind of a weird thing to say but sometimes i feel like there is too much of. me
#not a vent post to be clear im just like. sort of confused i guess?#like i have so many hobbies and so many different sides and so many different aspects to myself#and logically i know everyone is like that but also the people i keep meeting are so genuinely one-note like to their core#it's almost eerie#like. especially some of the ppl who im in honors classes with#their entire Thing is that they do one (1) sport and they are smart. and that's it#like they don't really have any other... hobbies? or anything?#like they are either studying or playing Sport. all the time#and it's like. how does that even. work#when i tell these sorts of people about the things i do they're always really confused#and this isn't really counting my fringe adhd hobbies that i've only done a couple times#like this is shit i'm Good At. and do regularly#idk it's just weird to me i guess? like i wear so many different faces and i do so many different things and i'm just different all the time#and these people. are just. constantly the same. nice + helpful honors student who plays One (1) sport. and that's it#idk if this is tying back to my excess of creativity or what it's just something i've noticed
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thinking about how for like the first two years of obi wans apprenticeship qui gon did not give a fuck what obi wan did (or even really what happened to him) before snapping out of it and realizing he was actually very much responsible for this child and course corrected into being a helicopter parent and how obi wan always read this as mistrust instead of concern and guilt.
#Star wars#qui gon jinn#obi wan kenobi#The disaster linages complicated relationship#Neglect#Trauma#Like qui gon was deeply traumatized individual#And I think he just could not deal with being responsible for another child#Like I'm pretty sure obi wan would do something and qui gon would be having literal flashbacks of xantos#Which is not an excuse for obi wan being left to fend for himself but#And that lackluster care ran deep man like obi wan regularly ended up on a completely different planet during those early missions#But to that 13 year old baby wan it felt like trust#So when qui gon started suddenly giving a shit and putting rules in place it felt like mistrust#It's a pretty common reaction to see in kids when their parents who hadn't been parenting get it together#Qui gon having so much guilt being a helicopter tired dad#Wrestling his feral padawan into one of those kid leashes#Qui gon: through gritted teeth: its the will of the force Padawan stay fucking still I mean it I swear to all the gods#Obi wan: 15 and feral and war veteran twice over embressed to the point of finding this humiliating:#Master hates me? Mater distrusts me?? He thinks I need to be held on to like I'm fucking 7 years old when will I ever be good enough for hi
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I feel like it probably says something about me that my "comfort" video game is a difficult puzzle platformer that's famous for players repeatedly dying in very stupid ways and only 25-30% of players (depending on the version) ever finish
#ori and the blind forest#everyone I've ever talked into playing the game: 'god why do you like this so much? it's hard!'#me who regularly finishes it in 3-3.5 hours: 'idk. I just think it's neat!'#(this is complicated by the fact that I'm absolute shit at playing Will of the Wisps asdfghjkl)#(the secret is that I am good at platformers designed to be played on a computer and bad at ones designed to be played with a controller)
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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the only feature that i consistently have difficulty with removing permanently in windows is windows defender, which is honestly arguably a good thing. id never outright endorse it but with winaero tweaker+knowing what you're doing win11 is very tolerable
#op#people are regularly surprised i'm on 11 because it looks and feels identical to 10 for me just stabler#my windows is a good girl who does what i say. Sorry. Sorry who said that. Sorry#i use mint sometimes but since i like. need the full power of my beefy ass gpu and its drivers for a lot of shit i do daily it's+#+just not especially practical for me to use wine all the time
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i just feel like i have more of an angle on things i mean i am aware of the perspective i have gained because it sticks out to me. now i can say "i like them because they're so different from my dad<3"
#girl........ anyways#i can't lie though that is definitely a big part of why i was here/why i latched on and why i am here again. cut me some fucking slackkkk#it's free comfort and reassurance‚ i think maybe i can't always afford to wallow in sfuff that makes me feel bad‚ it helps with#working through it but sometimes i have to take the other route. regularly maybe. like an alternating current#i gotta have the adventure times and the uhh (struggling to come up with anything that was ever important to me that was wholesome) uh#the other things. alongside the bad & the sad things#most things are sad. or most things make me a bit sad. i'm only interested in being sad‚ or disturbed‚ or weirdly aroused#and it's been good that way! i live for that and for freak shit! i just have limits here too ig#gotta switch it up man i gotta and then i can get back to bad & sad with renewed enthusiasm. literally#so again‚ forgive me if i become lame and act weird!! either i'm regressing or doing what feels right for me‚ we'll have to see#kata.txt#for organization's sake..#21p
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
#witchblr#taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted#still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while#and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice#like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to#like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break?#and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask.#and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it#and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points#idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao#you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee#anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience#its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it#ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY#i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life#just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on
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They get their estrogen together <3
#JSBSJASVISSBKDCNRIFBFICBDK OKAY I GOT INTO MSA LIKE YESTERDAY AND FINISHED THIS IN A SINGLE SITTING TODAT#THAT IS LIKE BIZARRE. AND DOESN'T HAPPEN FOR ME#THE BRAINROT IS REAL FOR BOTH OF THESE THINGS SO I'M SHOVING THEM TOGETHER#Also it helps that when I first saw Vivi I was like :0 Holy shit that's June#I was originally gonna draw June in clothing more similar to Vivi's but I was like Ehhh what about casual and then this happened#The shirt is blatantly a lie but she got it back when one of her friends came out to her when she didn't know she was trans#(pick like any hs cast member you want as the person who came out to her they're all trans)#But then didn't feel wanna waste a good shirt so she still wears it. regularly.#Also her skirt is intentionally on backwards#I've never drawn June in any greater form that a notebook doodle vut I will be definitely be doing this again if for no other reason than#how much I enjoyed doing the clothing#vivi yukino#june egbert#mystery skulls#(<- Is that the right tag? Idk.)#homestuck#may i plz have an art tag#Like look at my you need to understand how much I relate them to eachother. Blue gals. Magical super strong dog is a major character.#One has a bat one has a hammer. Glasses. Dead friend(s).#Okay that's all I can think of off the top of my head and I'm sure I'll remember more later but please understand me here#I've literally never interacted with the msa fandom before plspls pleaseeeee tell me if I did any of the tagging wrong if I did ^^'
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this is SO bizarre and idk what to do about it re: guy in my public speaking class
#for reference we had weird drama in hs where we knew each other via band and theater and now we're in another performance-ish-based class#and a lot of the issues w us in hs stemmed from that we regularly auditioned for the same roles and parts and shit and um. he took it#really seriously and didn't like that i was stealing his spotlight or whatever tf. and i was just trying to make friends. feels weird.#like i don't get it what did i do. bro i'm not asking to be friends just why r u talking sm shit.. will never forget how i was sent#screenshots of him saying i shouldn't have a role bc i was new and i was like. um. are you mad because i'm good at this. whats going on#ANYWAY i am going to be so friendly and/or not talk to him if that's what he wants or talk to him if he wants#i think abt it a lot. just feels bad man. what did i do to you#need my bf to check messenger bc he is going to lose his MIND
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"i'm not like those Other People, i only consume Unproblematic Media™ with Good Representation™ and i don't like Irredeemable Media™"
"i'm not like those Other People, i don't like this Sanitized Media™, i only like Real Art™ with Bad Messy Representation™"
you are literally the same people wearing different hats the only things you disagree about are what counts as bad media and what counts as good representation
#bats makes a post#oh this ''bad'' representation you love was made by an actual queer person? depicting their lived experiences?#and/or you like it because it in some way reflects your own actual lived experience? so you think it's good rep then.#and this other queer media doesn't reflect your lived experiences at all?#and it feels too clean like it was made for straight people and not actual queer people? you might even go as far as to say it's... bad rep#''i don't like Show A because there's not enough good rep'' ''i don't like Show B because there's too much good rep''#You Are Both Grown Adults Arguing About Shows For Children. You Are The Thing You Claim To Hate.#everyone needs to chill the fuck out and get some nuance and recognize this a giant community where everyone has different needs#and that we all have better shit to do than argue over ultimately nothing#and to be clear i'm not different from any of these people either! none of us are! we all like it when things are good#and don't like it when things are bad#and it's completely within human nature to argue over pointless shit so i don't necessarily blame anyone#back in the day you had to get books published and shit to be a philosopher#but now anyone can be a philosopher for free and share their ideas with the world#and that's wonderful! but god is annoying to read sometimes#(and to be absolutely clear i'm not coming specifically for people who love ''bad'' rep#those are just the takes i see more often due to content curation#and therefore the side of the debate that annoys me more because i actually see it regularly#and generally is the side i agree with more often in the broad strokes which Makes It Worse when they're annoying about it)
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Seeking an adhd diagnosis is like "bring someone from your childhood, someone from your adulthood, your 3 most recent report cards, $500, and your firstborn to an appointment you had to call the same practice 5 separate times to be given after following a breadcrumb trail of referring providers. you may or may not receive the diagnosis"
#chats#I mean the really shitty thing is like#I don't dislike how my brain works?? it's just bad at the one thing I need to do to survive under capitalism (9-5 job)#I mean it'd be great to be able to respond to emails and remember to eat and not miss buses because I consistently forget my keys phone etc#but I like how well I do with ideation#I like following whatever interests me in the moment#I like that I'm kind of good at like 80 things#I only want a diagnosis because that's the only way to get medication which is the only way to treat adhd#my therapist keeps talking about 'the meds won't help you still need to know how to prioritise tasks' I already do that#how does a bitch who regularly forgets to brush her teeth maintain straight As APART from prioritising that shit#also it's so expensive and now I have to worry about which friend to bring and whether they know My Relationship With My Symptoms#I mask!! a lot!! if my friend says 'oh nah she always seems on top of things' is that going to preclude diagnosis?#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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i'm not letting anyone ever make me feel bad about me, my choices, things and people i love/care about, hobbies whatever, ever. respect me, or (kindly), kick bricks🧱 i'm just done with that "letting things happen" or niceties if you're not nice to me or others. you gonna disrespect me, i won't respect you and i just won't talk to you. life is too short to be a mean person. i don't wanna be a pushover. i'm not gonna let people make me feel bad anymore no matter who they are. i cried my last tear over that stuff. not gonna be hostile, or mean but assertive, because it's a new era and i want positivity. i want good things, i like my peace and anyone who threatens me with that i don't want around me. it's just bs. 💩 i don't want any negativity, so if you're gonna be mean or whatever do not interact w/ this.
#personal#ugh#i literally cried myself to sleep with my stomach in knots over this shit#like my bfs aunt is so mean#she's been saying these little things and she's really getting to me#all week long giving me shit about everything i do#i'm so thankful for my boyfriends family and i love them all but she i can't with#its a good thing she lives 3000 miles away regularly#his mom was so upset when my bf and i were discussing things last night bc the aunt has a habit of doing this stuff#and she didn't know it was as bad as it was between her sister and me#so all this is spurred by her#and like generally#his grandma was mad too bc i have literally done nothing to this woman#and i'm newly moving in and i'm overwhelmed and chaotic these days with that#i'm tryna stay positive#i'm a lil nervous bc they're gonna have a convo with her#and let her know that she's being a lot rn and i'm like afraid of her#i also don't wanna make her madder than she is already#if she's even mad or its just how she is#idk the whole thing#but it really hurt me bc i looked forward to meeting her and then when i did we do not jive#i thought we would#never meet your heroes kids
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no bc coming up with ideas is SO hard its not talked abt enough. I find the writing moderately easy but with a lot of my fics it takes me so long to flesh out ideas for the actual story instead of one big idea.. ti's a curse
literally like I actually burned through that zelink fic I wrote cause I just for once actually knew the whole time what was going to happen like putting down a bunch of bullshit and going back to fix the bullshit later and make it not bullshit is actually remarkably easy for me if there's anything I can do it's ramble but coming up with ideas for the specific bullshit??? well brother you can just die
#I kind of wonder if I found the fic writing so easy just cause of a combo of the zelink fixation being really powerful#and the dunning krueger effect? like I never write I've hardly written so I'm not an experienced writer#which means I find the writing easier and like it better bc I don't have the experience to know enough about if it's bad you know?#whereas like. everytime I attempt drawing. I am good enough at drawing to know my drawings are bad so I hate it#like I was thinking it could possibly be that?? cause I was like there is no way the writing part of it is regularly this easy#but so far my only 2 problems have been coming up with ideas or being bored with the idea#(loz byler au. first chapter unfortunately bores the shit out of me which is why it's been like 6 months since I started that)#but yeah if I like the idea and want to see it really bad I can do it I JUST NEED IDEAS😭#BUT I'M CONSTANTLY SEEING MY ACTUAL AUTHOR FRIENDS BE LIKE “SO MANY IDEAS NO MOTIVATION”#ask#anon
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.
#Can't believe I graduated last week and that I've quit my job. I'M FREE!!!! for a while at least but I AM FREE#there are so many things I wanna do so many things I wanna get back to. fics to read posts to reblog & to reply to. little fanarts to create#also fixing my sleep schedule is on top of this list!! because surprise you can't do life when you need to fucking rest all the time#my body has been in a state of hypervigilance for the past five years because of uni and intense work#and i'm aware that chronic dysregulation takes a lot of energy to sustain..#it takes time for the body to recover and recuperate and get used to the new feeling of normalcy and safety after#running on super high levels of cortisol and adrenaline which it is NOT meant to do chronically#I'm looking forward to rest and to eat well and connect more with nature and spend carefree time under the sun#without feeling like I'm running late or that there is a shift I need not to miss#I'm looking forward to be consumed by art freely without feeling STRESSED because time is limited and I need to be doing other things#i'm excited to rewatch ls (which you do regularly!! ofc) but it's exciting that we have four whole seasons now and there is a SHIT LOAD of#gifs posts and fics i want to read and interact with and comment on!!!!#ironically i'm not really feeling good today. and there's a lot of family drama going on but good days are coming and I'm optimistic#:') hope you all have a good day. love youuuuu#about me
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Ah yes, the dream £10 vintage Laura Ashley skirt (made in Great Britain), in good quality corduroy
The dream skirt that requires a fucking PHD in ironing
#I just don't understand how the gores are meant to work#It probably isn't actually very difficult to iron but this is 2023 nobody irons regularly anymore#I do not have the practise and even though I intend to start ironing more often this is not a beginner's project#Not entirely a dream skirt tbh it has no pockets and I'd have preferred more of a circle skirt shape than whatever this hell with gores is#A circle skirt also would be better for when my weight fluctuates as it only has one measurement#And I'm going to have to attach some hooks and eyes and give it a deep clean as it is#But for £10 secondhand in a really nice colour that I can wear with shirts I already own I'm not going to complain#At least not more than I have already#Anyway I'm supposed to be doing like actual work and instead I'm sitting here looking at the pleat/gore situation thing like ??????#I'm actually not a huge Laura Ashley fan generally tbh it's a bit too flowery and floofy for me#But whenever this skirt was made was obviously when they were making really good quality stuff#The corduroy is just miles better than the shit that John Lewis are selling now#And because it's corduroy it's a lot less pre-Raphaelite than it could have been THANK GOD#So yes we are celebrating#No offence to lovers of flowery and floofy fashion btw it's just not me#Other than the calf-length skirt fascination I would be in menswear to the end of time#But that requires so many more measurements and I'm cheap so skirts it is
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breaking news: historically "gifted kid" gets a grade below a b in a class for the first time in her entire life at 19 years old and has a breakdown
#fuck that final exam man#you're telling me that the highest possible grade i could've gotten on that exam was a 57????? are you shitting me??????#we haven't been given any feedback yet so i definitely feel like i'm being cheated out of some partial credit points#but the deadline for contesting a grade has welllll since passed and the c+ overall grade is in my transcript now so i can't do anything#i'm not as much sad abt my academic ability and more mad about the fact that that happened#bc i was doing well throughout the whole class and was regularly getting a's on them but then i bombed both of the exams#and all fucking ten assignments are only worth FIFTEEN PERCENT OF THE FINAL GRADE FUCK THAT#anyways. time to redeem myself this semester#i have to have the same goddamn professor again for the third time and he's the one i've consistently gotten lower grades in#bc he's SO BORING AND ALL HE FUCKING DOES IS READ THE SLIDES WITHOUT ANY EXTRA VALUABLE INFORMATION AND HE SKIMS OVER THINGS#THAT WE ALL NEED CLARITY ON AND GOES ON TANGENTS ABOUT THE MOST BENIGN CONTENT#i swear to god if i have to have this guy again after this year i will Heavily Consider dropping out bc fuck that noise#anyways. that is my evening#good fucking night
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