#like this is shit i'm Good At. and do regularly
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i didn't read this immediately when you posted it because i knew it would destroy me, and i needed to pick the right moment very carefully and STILL .... well i am destroyed and i have no idea how i will continue with my life, go to work tomorrow, and such :(
i loved their date so much, it was so romantic and sweet and hot, and it was the first time (and certainly not the last time) while reading this that i wished javi was a real person - like the way he immediately held ms reader's hand when they left the apartment 😔 need me a freak like that
(also once again ms reader was just like me when she was like "So he’s a southern boy. That detail definitely adds to his charm." because i would've jump javi right then and there)
but everything that came after that did exactly what i predicted -> DESTROYED me ... “I don’t think I can just be friends with you.” 😔 i'm so glad they immediately came back from that because i wouldn't have been able to go on knowing javi's heart had been broken, that he thought he'd been rejected again, it would've been too much, also ms reader's insecurities were so fucking relatable, i would be the worst if i was dating pornstar!javi, i would drown in them actually (but also i feel like if a guy like javi just so much as looked at me, it would do wonders for my self-esteem)
but luckily, their "first time" more than made up for all the heartbreak you put me through, like javi said so many hot things i had to take a break regularly to catch my breath ... “Go ahead, baby, take it. Put it in.” (skdjhasjf) “I’m not gonna last—shit.” (right after he put it in like wtf???) “That’s right, baby. Gonna give me one more on my cock, show me how bad you wanted it.” (yeah i still haven't recovered from that one
and then, at the end, when ms reader is like "You're not real" i felt that ..... because he isn't real for me and no matter how much i wish he was he's never going to be 😔 good for her thought that she finally got everything she deserves, and i can't wait to ferociously live through her ...
West Side | Pornstar!Javier Peña x Fem!Reader | Part 5 of Unscripted Desire | ~15k wc | Series Masterlist | gif cred | Explicit. Minors DNI.
Summary: A lot of firsts with Javi.
Tags: smut, slight angst, nipple play, dry humping, lots of making out, alcohol consumption, dirty talk, jealousy, edging, overstimulation, use of sex toys (vibrator), oral (f receiving), cum eating, unprotected p in v sex (finally), javi is clipped (not mentioned), babe wake up pornstar!javi lore just dropped, no use of y/n, any typos/grammar mistakes are of my own doing and i apologize in advance, if i missed any other tags pls let me know ok thx.
A/N: i attempted to make this chapter a little longer, definitely filthier, and above all: satisfying. shoutout to my bestie hermosa @persephone-girl for reading over part of this and quelling all the second thoughts i had in the middle of writing it out 🖤 love you guys, enjoyyyy ✨
You purse your lips at your reflection, tilting your head as if a new angle will make everything click. The phone is wedged between your shoulder and ear, and Connie’s voice crackles over the line, keeping you company.
“Since when do you care so much about getting dolled up?” she teases, picking up on the way you’re fussing.
You tug the hem of the dress down a bit, “That’s not even the issue here,” you counter, a little more defensively than you meant. “It’s just… what do you even wear on a date with someone like Javier?”
Connie lets out a sly laugh. “Well, if I knew more about him, maybe I’d be able to help you out here.”
You huff, rolling your eyes even though she can’t see it, leaning closer to the mirror as you swipe at the mascara wand. “You’re still on that?”
“It’s not every day that my friend leaves with a man like that at the end of her shift, only to find out he’s some annoyingly hot coworker she didn’t even bother mentioning—”
“There was nothing to mention,” you cut in quickly.
“Nothing to mention?” she repeats, scandalized. “He ate you out in an elevator, you talked an orgasm out of him, and you let him slip the tip of his dick inside—”
“Okay!” You cut her off again, voice a bit higher than intended. “Shouldn’t you be out saving lives or something?”
“Currently on day two, hour nine, of my three-twelves.” Her sigh fills your ear. “I’m exhausted. Let me live through your smokin’ sex life so I don’t tear my hair out.”
“Steve not doing it for you anymore?” you tease, rubbing away a bit of lipstick that smudged onto your teeth.
“Oh, he is, but after three overnight shifts? Even the thought of sex is exhausting,” she admits, a laugh edging her words.
You get it; distinctively thinking about the last spring break week where you worked non-stop, running from shoots all day to the bar all night on three hours of sleep.
That was definitely the week you aged five years in one go.
“Now, back to you,” she snaps you out of your memories. “What did you finally decide on?”
“The black dress.” You say it like it’s the only logical choice.
She groans, dragging it out for dramatic effect. “No. You wear that thing out all the time.”
“I bought it for a reason. To wear it.”
“Oh, come on. I think you should switch it up a little. Make it more fun.”
“Fun?” you echo, skeptical, glancing over at your closet.
“Fun,” she confirms, “like that mini skirt with the flowy fabric. Makes your ass look so good and shows just enough cheek to leave him hanging,” she says all playfully, “Just throw on a top that shows the girls off and you’ll be set. It’s flirty and hot… exactly like your little boy toy and way fresher than a black dress.”
You snort, feeling a little flutter at the mention of Javier being your boy toy. “A classic date-night outfit is classic for a reason, you know?”
“Mhmm, so classic I’m falling asleep. Go grab the skirt and thank me later,” she presses.
You grumble out a fine, deciding to humor her. Maybe you will like it better than the dress.
Rummaging through your closet is a little difficult with the corded phone in your hand but you manage, finally spotting the garment under the mountain of clothes that you’ve just thrown in here and pretended weren’t your problem.
“Where’s he taking you, anyways?”
“No idea, which makes the getting ready process even more difficult. I’m putting you down,” you warn her, setting down the receiver on your dresser.
You toss aside a few ‘not quite’ options before finding a top cute enough for this flirty and hot vision she’s painting. The deep color of it has your skin glowing, the cut of the neckline making your tits look enticing.
The snug skirt teases just enough at your thighs and you do a half turn, glancing back at the mirror to check your own ass out—and damn if she wasn’t on the money.
“Okay, I’m back.”
“And?”
You pause, smiling as you take in your reflection. “I look hot.”
There’s a sharp, delighted squeal on her end. “See? I told you! That’s what friends are for—giving you advice you don’t listen to until you’re basically forced to.”
Her laugh makes you grin, but then you hear a muffle as she talks to someone else in the background. She comes back, tone rushed but still playful. “Alright, I’m being called back onto the floor. But seriously, have fun. Don’t put out unless you want to, and please, please, don’t wait months to fill me in, okay?”
“I won’t,” you chuckle, her instructions making you feel like you’re back in high school. “Thanks, Con.”
“Go get him, you vixen,” she teases, and the line goes dead, leaving you with your thoughts.
You’ve been doing everything possible not to spiral into overthinking, trying to act normal about this date. Part of you still can’t believe it’s actually happening.
You’ve fought him, resisted him, silently judged others for falling for his charms—yet somehow still managed to give in.
If someone had told you months ago that you’d be in this position, you would’ve straight up laughed in their face.
The whole trajectory of it feels warped. You can’t help but wonder if this is all some elaborate game, a long con to get you in his bed.
But then, the doubts don’t quite hold up, not with how much effort he’s put into just getting your attention. If it were about sex, he wouldn’t need all this—he could walk outside, flash that lazy, dimpled grin, and probably have someone falling for him within seconds.
Hell, he could call one of his co-stars and make it that much easier on himself.
Yet, he keeps choosing you, showing up with this sincerity that’s completely messed with your head, confessing feelings and sticking around like he’s actually serious. He’s taken over your mind, lingering there like a sexy, infuriating ghost.
At least you’ve given yourself an ultimatum: if this goes south, you’ll walk away and he’ll leave you alone.
You still remember how low you felt after things with Frankie, and that was amicably ended.
With Javier, it would sting worse if he turned out to be the arrogant womanizer you’d pegged him as after all the shit that’s transpired between the two of you.
You finish getting ready and head into the kitchenette, grabbing a shot glass. You pour yourself a quick splash of Fireball, hoping it’ll help you feel a little more mellow, maybe a little less wound-up. You toss it back, letting the burn calm the nerves that won’t stop buzzing as the minutes drag by.
Then, you hear the familiar creak of the stairs, the soft shuffle of footsteps, followed by a knock at the door. Your heart skips a beat.
With a deep breath, you slip on a light jacket and grab your purse before unlocking the door and swinging it open.
The sight that greets you could knock the air right from your lungs.
His typical black leather jacket stretches across his broad shoulders, a flushed blue shirt underneath, his neck on full display while the top of his chest teases you beneath the few undone buttons.
His jeans fit him perfectly, hugging his narrow waist and leading down to a pair of well-worn leather boots. But what really catches your attention is the single peony he holds delicately in his hand.
“Hey,” you greet, trying to keep it casual, as if your heart isn’t pounding just from seeing him stand there. He is so damn handsome, it almost feels unfair.
His gaze roams over you, like he doesn’t know where to look, definitely lingering on your legs then your cleavage before his warm, brown eyes meet yours. “You look good, nena.” He leaves you feeling like he’s undressing you with just that look.
You bite back a smile and raise an eyebrow, opting to tease him. “Thanks, Javi. You look… exactly how you always do.”
He chuckles, a lazy smile spreading across his face, and you catch a little dimple on his cheek. “Damn. And here I thought I put in more effort tonight.” He licks his lips, then holds out the flower. “This is for you. I might’ve mentioned our night out to my neighbor, and she clipped this from her garden. Thought it was less on the nose than a red rose.”
You take it from him, its soft petals brushing against your fingers, and bring it to your nose. The sweet, fresh scent makes you sigh a little.
He’s doing the bare minimum, bringing you a fucking flower, and you’re already feeling all warm and mushy. You’ll just blame the one shot of whisky for that. “Talking me up already?”
He chuckles, his eyes appreciating the way your makeup highlights each feature.
“Let’s just say I bum cigarettes off her in exchange for a little company. You just happened to come up.”
“Well now I have to know what you said.”
“Maybe one day.”
This moment already feels charged for no reason.
“I’m going to hold you to that” you warn him playfully. “Thank her for me. And tell her she’s got good taste in flowers.”
He gives you a nod, eyes softening. “I will. You ready?”
“Mhm,” you hum, stepping out to lock the door behind you.
As you turn, you realize how close he’s standing, and the scent of mint and cologne hits you in an instant, making your head spin. He smells fucking incredible.
“So,” you start, trying to ignore the fact that you can practically feel the heat radiating from his skin. “Where are we going?”
He falls into step beside you as you both head down the stairs. “To the best food truck in the city.”
“Really?” You raise an eyebrow, both amused and a little charmed by the casual choice.
He nods, a small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “It’s by Lake Hollywood Park, which is convenient ‘cause we’ll end our night around there.”
It seems like he has an actual plan for this date, which surprises you, but then again he’s been full of fucking surprises since the moment you met him. “Sounds like fun. Better not be shit though,” you say, adjusting your bag strap on your shoulder, twirling the flower between your fingers.
“I think I’ve lived in L.A. long enough now to know what’s good and what isn’t.”
So he’s not native to this city, which was kind of obvious with the slight twang some of his words seem to have. You wonder where he’s actually from.
As you reach the sidewalk, Javier surprises you by sliding his hand into yours, smooth and confident. The gesture catches you off guard, and you can feel heat pooling at your cheeks. He’s annoyingly charming, and he knows it.
His hand is so much bigger than yours, rough skin brushing against your softer palm in a way that feels—well, it feels like it fits.
Your mind doesn’t miss a beat, leaping straight to the memory of his fingers pressed inside you, knuckle deep, his tongue flicking at your clit as you unraveled for him.
You bite the inside of your lip, willing yourself to stay cool, but damn, those hands could do a lot of things.
How you even fit two of his fingers remains a mystery, but it’s one you’re more than willing to solve again.
“This okay?” he asks, glancing down with a glint of mischief in his eyes, catching you right in the middle of your little lustful trance.
“Perfectly fine,” you reply, squeezing his hand, that glint pulling you in deeper, and you let it.
“Okay, I think I have a little more faith in your spot now that we’re here.” You settle across from Javier at the picnic table you managed to snag nearby, eyeing the food as he sets it out between you.
He smirks, raising an eyebrow. “You doubted me?”
“Just a little.” You pinch your thumb and finger together with a playful grin, scrunching your nose as you laugh. His lopsided smile makes an appearance, sending your heart into a flutter.
“Then I’ll let the food do the talking. Let that be my ‘I told you so.’”
“Oh, please, I don’t need to hear that twice in one day.”
As you stick your straw into your cup of hibiscus agua fresca, the sweet flavor hits you instantly, and you let out a delighted little hum without even thinking.
His gaze snaps to you, amusement lighting up his eyes. “Someone’s already beaten me to it?”
“Connie,” you confess, dragging your tray of tacos closer and inhaling the smell that makes your stomach practically growl. “She helped me pick this outfit, you know, since someone here was pretty vague on the details.”
He chuckles, reaching for the salsa verde and giving his tacos a generous drizzle before handing the bottle over. “I told you we’d be outside. I thought that’d be enough.”
You take it from him, fingers brushing together, and damn if your skin doesn’t actually tingle. “Honestly, I was expecting more of a steakhouse vibe.”
He gives a soft scoff, looking amused. “That’s not really my style. I’d feel like a total fraud…” he pauses, studying your expression, “unless that’s what you wanted. I could do it if that’s what you’re into.”
Your tongue darts over your lower lip as you take in his thoughtfulness. “Nah. This is...perfect, actually.”
A light sparks in his eyes at your word choice. “Perfect, huh?”
You playfully roll your eyes, “Uh huh, don’t get a big head over it.”
“So, I owe Connie for getting you in that skirt?” His voice is smooth, that teasing lilt unmistakable.
Heat climbs up your neck, pooling at your cheeks. “You like it?”
His eyes narrow slightly, that look dark and appreciative. “I think it’s sexy as hell, yeah. But in an effort to be more...gentlemanly—Te ves hermosa. Like always.”
Normally, you’d roll your eyes at him laying it on thick, but right now? You don’t mind it at all.
The attention feels genuine, his words dipping straight between your legs rather than floating on his usual bravado.
“Sweet talk me all you want,” you say, trying to rein yourself in, “but the real test of this date’s success? It all lies in this meal.”
He chuckles, and you’re grateful for the little shift, picking up a taco and clinking it with his, like a toast. The first bite is practically life-changing—the smoky, spicy flavors somehow better than you’d even anticipated.
“Oh wow,” you say, chewing slowly with a hand hovering over your mouth. “Not bad, Peña. This is actually delicious.”
His grin is smug, triumphant, and as he takes another bite, you’re momentarily distracted by the way his jaw flexes, muscles taut as he chews. And damn, if you don’t notice every bit of him in that damn leather jacket, his dark hair slightly tousled and looking as if he were some walking sex deity.
You mentally curse yourself for already feeling way too into him.
You chat lightly, going over the usual first-date questions. Somehow, even the simple stuff feels easy and natural with him—there’s something in the way he responds that keeps you drawn in, even if the questions themselves aren’t all that thrilling.
What’s your favorite color? When’s your birthday? Where are you from?
“Texas. And you?” he answers, swiping the napkin over his lips before balling it up, tossing it into his now empty tray.
So he’s a southern boy. That detail definitely adds to his charm. You tell him the name of your hometown, and then, after a beat, add, “Bit far from home, huh? Got family here?”
He shakes his head, reaching into his jacket for a pack of gum. He pulls out two pieces, offering you one.
Okay, another bare minimum act that’s got you all fucking blushy.
“Nah,” he says, chewing his own piece of gum. “It’s just me out here.”
“Your family must be thrilled about what you do…wait, do they know?” you ask, unwrapping the stick and glancing at him.
He sighs, scratching at his jaw. “My pops knows. My mom…” He pauses, a shadow of something crosses his face. “She passed when I was in high school.”
Your heart squeezes, a flicker of guilt making you wince. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t sweat it,” he interrupts gently, waving it off casually. “It gets tiring hearing it. But yeah, my pops and the rest of them…they don’t exactly jump for joy when it comes to my job. Guess it’s a good thing I stopped giving a fuck about what they think.”
The reality of it sinks in as you watch him across the table, his eyes distant for a moment. You’d never really thought about how it all might affect him (or any of the other stars, honestly) outside of sets and studios.
The world sees sex work as some kind of sordid choice, casting assumptions.
Sure, it’s got its problematic aspects just like any other industry, but with the puritan culture that’s plagued society since the beginning of time, really, it’s seen as such a devious thing when in reality; it could be something so beautiful. A celebration of the human body, of the unity between two people.
Whether you’re a woman or a man—you bear the weight of every stereotype, every judgment, and, especially, the stigma that comes with it.
You hesitate, but your curiosity gets the best of you. “Are you close with them?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he absently smooths his mustache with his thumb and forefinger, eyes thoughtful. “Yes and no.”
Something in his tone tells you this isn’t a thread to pull on right now. So, you pivot the conversation, deciding to leave that part of him for another night.
You glance at your tray, grinning. “This might actually be the best meal I’ve had in a long time. And I’m not bullshitting you.”
His eyes light up, that charming, lazy smile sliding back into place. “I’ll refrain from saying I told you so.”
You laugh, throwing a crumpled napkin at him, which he catches without missing a beat.
He leans in, his voice low. “So, now that I’ve won your approval in the food department, I’ve gotta finish on a strong note so I don’t mess it all up, right?”
You feel your pulse quicken “Sure do. Got anything up your sleeve, or is this where the gentlemanly plan ends?”
“I’ve got plans.” His voice dips, his eyes tracing over you, wetting his lips and that thudding begins to thrum faintly between your thighs. “Thought we’d take a walk, keep getting to know each other…” The suggestive way in which he’s speaking definitely gives his words a double meaning, “Then head to my favorite lookout spot. Best view in the city, hands down.Whatever happens to feel right can unfold after that.”
“Sounds like you’re anticipating something unfolding.”
“Can you blame me? You’re walkin’ around lookin’ good enough to eat.”
You feel a thrill dancing up your spine at his bluntness, “Boundaries still stand, Javi. I’m not sleeping with you.”
He chuckles, a low, knowing sound that sends your stomach into a twist. “That’s fine. I think I’ve shown we can have plenty of fun without crossing that line.”
Every electrifying sexual encounter hits you all at once, and as much as you’d hate to admit it, he’s right.
No one has ever gotten under your skin or tangled your senses like he does. With Javier, the tension builds until it’s all-consuming—whether it’s the way his hands map every inch of your skin or his mouth works you over. It’s maddening, how easily he pulls you apart and leaves you craving more.
“And If I remember correctly, I wasn’t the one begging for more.”
A hot flash sweeps through you. “You’re so fucking annoying.”
He grins, not missing a beat. “Admit it, you like it.”
And as you share an amused glance, you can’t help but think… yeah, maybe you do.
The two of you walk side by side under the soft glow of the street lights lining the park. He flicks open his lighter, cigarette wedged between his lips, and you watch the quick flame as it lights up his face for a second before fading out.
You would usually mind the smoke, but somehow, with him, it’s just… fitting. A small indulgence that somehow suits his edges.
“Favorite music genre?” you ask, breaking the quiet.
“Would it be a cop-out to say a little bit of everything?”
“Oh absolutely.”
Javier pauses, a thoughtful look in his eyes as he takes a long drag from his cigarette. “Alright, alright. Probably rap. Used to be all about rock—my pops had me hooked young. But out here? My taste has gotten a little West Coast.”
“A Texan boy gone Cali,” you say, feigning surprise. “You love to see it.”
He laughs, his eyes crinkling as he glances at you, then flips the question back. “What about you?”
“R&B. Lauryn Hill and Destiny’s Child have provided the soundtracks to some very pivotal moments in my life.”
He nods, and for a while, the conversation flows smoothly from one topic to another—favorite childhood memories, the dumb stuff you did as teenagers, and random things you never imagined you’d share with him.
Javi raises an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I bet you were a teacher’s pet.”
“Teacher’s pet? No way. I was a bit of a know-it-all, but I had this rebellious streak,” you admit, “Got in trouble more than once for talking back. I just couldn’t help it.”
“Figures. You’ve got that fire.”
Eventually, he flicks his cigarette to the ground, stamping it out before looking at you with a curious glint in his eye. “I gotta ask you something,” he says, his voice dipping just a bit. “And be honest. Why didn’t you like me?”
It’s not the first time he’s asked you this, but now that you’re seeing him in a different light, the answer comes easily, less defensive. “Okay,” you start, meeting his gaze. “I wasn’t a fan of how you... got around. And the way you’d micromanage every move during shoots, like your way was always best. Or how you’d just use your dick to get whatever you wanted.”
His silence stretches, and he takes out another piece of gum, nodding slowly as he listens. “And when we met, you were already trying to charm your way into my pants like I was one of your groupies,” you add, “Made it feel like you were always angling for something. I guess I just didn’t want to be another name on your list.”
He exhales, scratching at his jaw. “Fair enough,” he declares. “I didn’t always used to be like this. The whole showboating thing, it’s sort of… a front, I guess. When I started, I had to become a different version of myself. This cocky asshole who had his shit together because… fuck, I didn’t know what else to do. After the bullshit back home, I needed the distance. I needed to prove something.”
There’s something in his tone that pulls at you, but you don’t press. You’re surprised he’s even sharing this much.
“The women, the confidence—all of it. Figured that’s who I had to be to make it. And it worked up until you left… when I realized just how fucked things had gotten for me. After walkin’ out on Robbie, I’ve been trying to be more careful with the jobs I take but fuck, it’s hard.”
This man—this smooth, confident guy you thought you had all figured out—carries more than his rugged allure and that killer smile.
Sympathy blossoms, the kind that grows for someone who’s managed to build walls without even meaning to.
The details remain unsaid, and though curiosity simmers, you let the silence hang.
“You’ll figure it out, Javi. Life has a funny way of kicking you when you’re down, but somehow, things start falling into place eventually. Might sound like a bad fortune cookie, but it’s true.”
His gaze intense and warm under the park lights, brown eyes looking softer, shadows dancing across his face. The way he looks at you makes your legs shake.
You can’t help the small, vulnerable smile that plays at your lips as you wonder if maybe, just maybe, this moment is worth disregarding your own rules for.
His eyes flicker down to your mouth almost on instinct, and you’re caught in a breath, almost tempted to close the space and feel those lips on yours.
But instead, you let the moment breathe between you, keeping the tension electric, and he’s the one who finally breaks the silence. “Thanks nena. Here’s to hopin’ I don’t have to make a trip down to the unemployment office.” He jokes with a laugh that pulls one out of you too, “Let’s head back. Got one more thing to show you.”
As you both turn back towards his truck, he reaches for your hand again, his fingers curling around yours, gentle and reassuring. You lean into him, resting your head on his arm as you walk. It feels natural, like you’re both finally seeing each other, piece by piece, without all the defenses.
A gentle breeze passes through as you lean against the hood of Javier’s truck, taking in the iconic view.
The twinkling city lights are sprawled out in front of you, while the Hollywood sign looms large and proud in the background. You’ve avoided tourist traps since you moved to LA. Dealing with the general public and pornstars on sets on a daily basis already felt like a big enough dose of Hollywood.
Tonight, though, there’s some kind of magic in being here and you can see why people find themselves drawn to it. Maybe it has something to do with the handsome man beside you.
“You bring all your dates here?” you ask, teasingly.
Javier rubs his lips together, a quiet smile flickering at the edges. “I don’t go on many dates, believe it or not.” He inches a little closer, draping his arm around your shoulder.
“Oh wow, Peña. So smooth.” You roll your eyes, but you can’t ignore the steady, intoxicating scent of him, the one that’s been teasing you all night, and how it engulfs you entirely.
There’s a warmth that reaches from his body to yours, one you can’t help but lean into as your hand finds his, fingers lacing loosely.
Resting your head just near his chest, you feel the gentle rise and fall of his breath, solid and steady.
“Can’t let this night end without you knowin’ what my intentions are.” He pauses, then adds, “I want to keep seeing you.” His words melt into the night as he dips his head to press a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his face nuzzling softly into your hair.
Your breath catches for just a moment, and he feels it too, the faint hesitation creeping in.
Because the truth is, you’re not sure exactly what you want from this. A relationship? A fling? Could you handle being with someone whose job meant fucking other people—even if emotions are fully detatched?
You draw away slightly, positioning yourself to stand between his legs now as he leans against the truck, watching you, a question in his eyes.
“Tonight was wonderful. Better than a lot of first dates I’ve been on…” you trail off, and he quirks an eyebrow, a hint of concern already flashing in his eyes.
“But…?” he prompts, his voice soft but wary.
“Look, I have the utmost respect for what you do. I know what it takes, if anyone can understand what you actors go through, it’s me and all the other crews out there. I’ve seen shit hit the fan more times than I can count.” You twist your fingers, feeling the tension between wanting him and feeling hesitant. “But dating someone in the industry… I don’t know if I’m cut out for that.”
His shoulders drop a little, and he sighs. “Yeah… I figured.” He lets out a rough laugh, though it’s clear he’s disappointed. “Not the first time this has happened, or the last, probably. I just… I guess I was hopin’ this would be different.”
“It’s not about you, or… or the work. I don’t care that you’re in porn.” you say gently. “It’s just the idea of dating someone who—well, you know.”
He lets out a sigh, a heavy, defeated sound, and his eyes meet yours. “I know, nena, trust me. It’s a lot. I’m not holding it against you.” His hand runs over his face, frustration tightening his jaw. “It’s just…disappointing as fuck, but I get it.”
Before he can sink too deeply into the regret, of thinking he’s wasted a night taking you out, you reach out, catching his wrists and gently pulling his hands down. You’re close enough now to feel his breath brush across your cheek, and you hold his gaze, fierce and a little daring.
You’d be fucking stupid to walk away from all this without knowing what it feels like to kiss him, the man who’s wound you up so tight and left you as breathless as he has conflicted.
Slowly, you place his hands on your waist, leaning in until your lips barely touch his, your breath mingling together. You can practically feel his heart beating against his chest.
“Kiss me, Javi,” you murmur.
There’s no hesitation. His mouth meets yours, warm and certain, sending a spark through every nerve. His hands tighten around your waist, pulling you closer, and you lose yourself in him.
Javier’s mouth moves against yours like he’s savoring every second, his lips plush and gentle, taking his time.
It’s all so new, so beautifully unhurried.
You meet his pace, moving your lips softly, feeling the slight press and release. When he parts from you slightly, you’re already missing the taste of his mouth, chasing after him.
Then he tilts his head and leans in again, deepening the kiss, his lips fitting against yours with more purpose. He presses closer, his body warm and solid, and you feel his tongue swipe slowly across your lower lip.
A shiver runs through you as you part your lips for him, and the moment his tongue dips into your mouth, a soft moan escapes you, helpless against the sensation.
The sound seems to set something off inside him. Suddenly, the kiss grows hot and urgent, his hands gripping your hips as if he’s afraid to let go, kneading the flesh there while his mouth moves against yours with a new hunger.
Your own hands find their way to his jaw, your fingers sliding up to frame his face, desperate to bring him closer, needing the taste of him to linger.
The feel of his mustache brushes against your sensitive skin adds an edge that only heightens every sensation he’s bestowing on you.
Your tongue meets his, every glide and stroke of it fueling an ache that spreads through you, heat pooling as your teeth clash slightly, both of you pouring months of pent-up desire and frustration into this kiss.
His hold on your waist tightens as your hands slide up to tangle in his hair, tugging at it, and he lets out a low, guttural grunt that gets your bones vibrating.
In one swift movement, Javier maneuvers you, switching positions so that your back is pressed against the hood of his truck.
The cool metal beneath you contrasts with the heat of his body, and one of his hands slides from your waist, strong and possessive, until it grips the plushness of your thigh, hitching it over his hip and pulling your core against his.
The friction, the way his body aligns so perfectly with yours, ignites every nerve in your body.
You gasp against his mouth when his hard length presses against your clothed cunt, right where you need him most. The pressure sends a surge of arousal pooling low in your belly, and you arch into him, craving his intensity.
Your own hands roam, sliding to his jaw, feeling the scratch of his stubble against your palm, then his back, his shoulders, reveling in the feel of him. His mouth moves from your lips to your jaw, tracing a slow, wet line down to your neck, where he leaves a trail of heated kisses that have you gasping for air.
The burn in your lungs is nothing compared to the ache building between your legs, an ache that only grows sharper every time he ruts his hips against yours.
“Gonna make me cum in my pants kissin’ me like that,” he mumbles against your neck..
He drags his lips back up, brushing his nose against yours, coaxing you into another kiss—this one softer, more controlled, yet no less potent.
You’re breathless when you part again, but it’s as though your body doesn’t care, desperate to keep feeling him against you.
When he reaches the curve of your breasts, he pauses, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses over the swells, grazing the sensitive skin with his teeth just enough to make you shiver.
“Please, Javi,” you murmur, though you’re not even sure what you’re asking for. All you know is that you’re floating in this thick haze of desire, utterly lost in him, the feel of his lips, the intoxicating drag of his teeth against your skin.
His mouth curls into a smirk against your collarbone, and he lifts his head slightly, his hand sliding over the fabric of your top, shifting it down until your breasts are bared to the cool night air.
You gasp, eyes widening, instinctively sitting up straighter, a half-laugh, half-nervous glance flicking around your surroundings, instinctively pulling him closer to shield you.
His dark eyes meet your gaze, a flicker of mischief swirling with the lust there.
“Here? What if someone sees us?” you breathe, heart thudding in your chest as the chill hardens your nipples to sensitive peaks.
“No one’s gonna bother us, nena, te lo prometo.” Before you can respond, his mouth is on your neck, placing a soft, slow kiss there, licking a stripe and tasting your perfume.
His hands find your breasts, fingers curling around the supple skin, his thumbs brushing your nipples in languid circles that have you melting against him, your breath catching with each teasing stroke.
It’s impossible to focus on anything when Javier’s so in tune with every inch of your body, instinctively reading each gasp and shiver.
His hands are so skilled, cupping, squeezing, until one trails along your waist, playing with your pretty skirt with a firm, claiming touch.
It's the perfect push and pull that floods your senses with him, until you’re completely lost.
His scent fills your lungs, his taste lingers on your tongue, feeling his perfect fucking body against you, hearing his subtle grunts, your vision glazed over with tears of pleasure from how he’s making you feel.
He watches your reactions, eyes dark and filled with a simmering hunger as you lean flat against the hood of the truck, giving him access.
His mouth descends again, and he looks up at you when he’s reached your breasts. “Not gonna fuck you, since I’m bein’ a gentleman and all,” he murmurs, the words hot against your skin, “but I am gonna get you off just by playin’ with your tits.”
The whimper you let out is animalistic, your legs wrapping around his waist, pressing him closer.
Javier’s mouth is unrelenting, lips wrapping around your nipple with a hot, wet pressure that sends electric jolts straight to your cunt.
His tongue swirls over the sensitive peak, teasing it, as his teeth scrape the aching bud ever so lightly, making you gasp. Then he shifts, sinking his mouth lower to nip, to suck harder, his fingers coming up to twist your other nipple roughly, pinching and tugging at it, making you cry and writhe beneath him.
“Oh fuck that feels so good.” You can’t help but be so vocal and he loves it, the sound of your voice doing just as much to get him off in the same way that his mouth doesn’t let up on your tits.
His other hand is no less demanding, gripping your thigh and ass with rough squeezes, the heat of his touch spreading through the thin barrier of your skirt. When he smacks your flesh, the jolt arches your back off the hood of the truck, pulling a breathy moan from your lips that has him smirking against your chest.
You’re soaked, and he can feel it, his cock pressing insistently against the heat of your clothed pussy as your hips grind down onto him, building a rhythm that he matches with his mouth.
His tongue circles, flicks, and finally he pulls at the hard peak with his teeth, sending another shockwave through your body that has you rolling your hips, more wildly against him.
He pulls back just enough, a string of saliva still connecting him to you as he murmurs, “Baby, just with the way you’re movin’ your hips, I can tell you ride cock like a fuckin’ champ.”
His praise lights you up, fueling your need. Your fingers tangle in his hair as you pull him back to your chest.
He groans, his mouth latching onto your other breast with fervor, tongue flicking over your nipple rapidly before he pulls it into his mouth, the wet sounds of his lips smacking against your flesh, working your sensitive and pert nipples is filthy and obscene in the best way possible.
“So good, Javi… I’m so close,” you manage, the words spilling out unbidden.
He lets out a low groan as he adjusts the angle of your hips, pressing you firmly against his erection. The new angle grinds perfectly against your clit, drawing you deeper into the pleasure until it’s all-consuming, each nerve tuned only to him.
“Oh, god… Javi,” you gasp, feeling the familiar coil of pleasure tighten, your orgasm creeping closer with every pull, every flick, every grind.
Your body is on fire, trembling as you near the edge, your breaths coming in gasps as you hump him, completely lost to the intensity building.
Javier’s mouth alternates between your breasts, each suck and bite tugging moans out of you until you feel like you might lose it.
When his lips finally find yours again, his fingers replace his mouth on your chest, rough and insistent as they pinch and twist your sensitive nipples.
His tongue sweeps into your mouth, deepening the kiss while your body trembles, your jaw slack as you melt into him, moaning his name into his mouth as your orgasm breaks over you in a helpless wave of bliss.
Your body locks up, head canting back and hitting the material beneath you with a gentle thump as you wail his name out into the night.
“That's right, baby, just like that,” he murmurs, his praise and gentle kisses softening the overstimulation into something even more intoxicating.
His mouth trails over your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, every kiss pressing into your flushed skin while spots of pleasure blur your vision.
As you go limp against the cool hood, Javier’s touch softens on your chest, his fingers now gently kneading the sensitive flesh while he eases you back down, his lips trailing tender kisses over each swell before pulling your top back into place.
He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his deep inhale followed by warm, nipping kisses, his mustache scratching your skin just enough to bring out a fresh shiver from you.
“Javi,” you whimper, barely catching your breath, utterly wrecked and starstruck, amazed that he brought you so much pleasure by just teasing your breasts and rutting against you.
“Yeah?” His voice is a husky rasp, a hint of satisfaction at his lips.
You giggle, breathless, “I… don’t even know…” You laugh again, and he joins in, that low laugh rumbling in his chest as he cups your jaw, his thumb brushing over your cheek.
“You enjoy that?” He tilts his head to the side, smugly grinning down at you.
“What do you think?” you tease back, still panting, eyes half-lidded.
You can’t help but admire how sexy he looks with his swollen lips and mussed hair.
“Wait you didn't finish—” You murmur, beginning to reach down to toy with his belt, but he catches your hand gently.
“Don’t worry about me, nena.” His gravelly voice reassures you. “Seein’ you like this is enough for me.”
You frown, feeling like you should do something for him, but before you can argue, he’s leaning down to kiss you again, over and over, until you’re both sinking into another slow, heated makeout session under the open sky, everything else fading away.
You’re standing in front of your door, the glow of your porch light casting soft shadows over the two of you. “Thanks for tonight; I had a great time,” you say, though your legs still feel shaky from what happened earlier.
Javier’s eyes linger on you, “Thank you for letting me take you out,” he says, his tone soft. “Even if… things aren’t ending the way I’d hoped.”
A frown flickers on your face, but you keep your tone light, forcing a gentle laugh.“We can still be friends, you know? That’s one hell of an improvement from where we started.”
But your attempt to ease the tension doesn’t reach him; his expression remains fixed, serious.
“I don’t think I can just be friends with you.”
Then he goes and says something stupid like that.
“So, what now?” you ask, voice sharper than you meant, forcing yourself to hold his gaze. “We just… go our separate ways? Pretend none of this ever happened?”
He looks down, his jaw tense, and the silence that follows is thick, each second feeling like an eternity. His eyes meet yours and he sighs.
“I guess so.”
You release a bitter huff, shaking your head as you turn away, rummaging in your purse for your keys.
Fine. Fine. If that’s the way he wants it, you’ll let it be.
He calls your name, his voice slipping through your defenses like a last-ditch plea, making your shoulders tense. You ignore him, wrestling down the tide of frustration and vulnerability clawing its way back up.
You’d told yourself you didn’t want to get involved with him from the start, and now it feels like you should have stuck to your guns. Would have been easier to just tell him to kiss your ass that day he came into the bar, seducing you in your apartment, then asking you out on a date that ultimately meant nothing.
You find your keys and jam them into the lock, refusing to look back.
The second time he says your name, it’s firmer, and you whirl around to face him.
“Javier, listen—before tonight, I didn’t think there was a chance in hell I’d ever be into you. But I gave you a shot, and turns out, you’re not that bad. You’re actually pretty fucking sweet,” you confess, half-laughing, but it’s tinged with the bitterness that you feel. “And maybe if things were different, I could see us together. But things aren’t different. They’re the same as they always have been, and I won’t make you choose between me and your job.”
“I could quit—”
You let out a laugh, loud and unfiltered. “And do what? You’re damn good at what you do, Javi. I’ve seen it firsthand, and yeah, most of the time it’s some pretty raunchy shit, but there’s something almost… artistic in it, and I’d feel selfish as hell if I was the reason you gave that up.”
He places his hands on his hips, shifting his weight, exasperation written in every taut line of his body. “Do I need to remind you that I’m a grown-ass man who can make his own decisions? I’m starting to hate this job, and I want you. I don’t care if I have to work a hundred side gigs. If that’s what it takes for you to be mine, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
The weight of his confession makes your grip on the doorknob tighten, his words sinking deeper than you want them to.
“Javi, please, think this through—”
“You sound like my agent,” he interrupts with a dry laugh, flexing his jaw. “I’ve thought about it. It’s all I can think about. I can’t even keep my cock hard enough to fuck the girls on set anymore, and like I told you before—I’m not taking pills for that shit.”
He steps closer, and you feel a pang in your chest as his hand brushes yours, his gaze desperate, pleading with you to see him the way he sees you.
But it’s messy and it’s hard, and even if it’s everything you didn’t know you wanted, you’re terrified it might be everything you don’t know how to hold onto.
His hands slide up, fingers splaying gently over your cheeks, holding you as if he’s anchoring himself. “Please stop fighting me on this,” he murmurs insistently. “I know what I want, and it’s you.”
The intensity in his eyes roots you in place, brown and warm and so damn certain it’s almost overwhelming. You’re taken aback by the softness in his touch, by how steady his hands feel against your face.
He’s usually much braver in action than in words, and yet here he is, unwavering.
“And you’re sure?” you whisper, not sure you can even trust yourself to hold up your guard.
“Si, nena.” There’s no hesitation, no doubt, just a rock-solid conviction that somehow soothes your racing heart.
“You’re not gonna regret this down the line? Not even a little?”
“Absolutely not.” His answer is quick and firm, like he’s spent every minute leading up to this one, getting ready to say it.
Oh, fuck. With him looking at you like that, you know you don’t really have any other choice but to give Javier Peña a shot at being your boyfriend.
“Okay… okay, Javi, fine. We’ll see where this goes, but if you start having even one doubt—”
He doesn’t let you finish, cutting you off with his mouth on yours, pulling you close in a kiss that’s somehow even more intense than you were expecting.
It’s deep and consuming, worlds away from anything you’ve ever felt, like he’s pouring everything he has into it, and you can’t help but lose yourself in him like you have been since the moment things shifted in your dynamic.
When you finally come up for air, foreheads resting against each other, you’re both a little breathless, eyes shining with adoration.
“So...we’re doing this?” he asks, a crooked smile on his face that makes him look boyish and so damn pretty.
“I guess we are.”
“Does that mean I can come inside?” And with the way his lips quirk up into a cocky smile, you know exactly what this motherfucker means.
“Nope, we’re taking things slow… and I’m not fucking you until you get tested.”
He shrugs nonchalantly, “Fair enough. I can work with that.”
You kiss again, his mouth soft and so damn inviting that it takes all your willpower to pull yourself back before you’re tempted to give in right here, in the doorway. “Alright, Javi,” you murmur, feeling his breath linger against your lips as he bites playfully at your lower lip before letting you go. “Goodnight.”
He’s grinning, and it’s that smile that has a way of melting everything inside you. “Goodnight, nena. I’ll call you, set up our second date. Soon.”
The giddiness hits you hard—like back when Frankie was all about pursuing you, only it’s different this time and you don’t know why.
‘“I’ll be waiting.”
He quirks a brow. “I won’t make you wait too long.”
One last, lingering kiss and he’s gone, leaving you at the door, flushed, breathless, and completely jumbled in the best way possible.
“It feels weird being on this side of the bar,” you say, settling onto a barstool across from Connie. Javier slides into the stool next to you, immediately pulling you closer, his hand warm and possessive on your thigh.
“If you’re here to flaunt your relationship, you should start charging for it—I know I’d pay to see it,” Connie teases with a wink, already preparing your usual drink and turning to Javier. “And what about you?”
“Whiskey. Neat,” he answers, then leans into you, his voice a murmur by your ear, his hand slipping higher up your thigh, sneaking under the hem of your dress. “She does have a point, though.”
You smirk, pretending to ignore the way his fingers are trailing dangerously close to your panties. “Not sure I’d be any good on camera. Not like you, anyway.”
He chuckles and you can feel the heat between you two, that ever-present hum of lust you’ve been riding since the night he first kissed you.
It’s been blissful a month of dating Javier, and being with him is like no relationship you’ve had before.
You’ve found so much joy in the simplest moments with him—like when he fixes the little issues around your apartment that your landlord could care less about, or, the lively debates you have in the grocery store aisles, passionately debating which brand of coffee is better.
Sure, you still haven’t officially slept with him, but that hasn’t stopped either of you from exploring each other. He’s kept his promise to make you feel amazing, finding delicious ways to learn your body without actually crossing that line.
It has only made everything feel deeper, sweeter. The way you make out like teenagers, unraveling each other in all the ways that matter, has been more than enough.
It wasn’t until a few days ago that you finally returned the favor, slipping into the shower with him and blowing his mind in every sense of the word, until he was helplessly spilling down your throat. Your jaw’s still a little sore from how eagerly you’d gone down on him, the memory of his breathless groans seared in your mind.
Tonight, he’d asked you to be his girlfriend, officially. He’d planned this whole evening at a rooftop restaurant, it was a little too fancy, but he looked at you like he couldn’t believe his luck.
The restaurant itself was overpriced and borderline ridiculous, but you two had made a game of it, teasing and laughing over the small portions and the pretentious plating.
He even surprised you with a beautiful pair of earrings that you immediately put on, and he looked so damn proud when you showed them off.
Now you’re here at Lucky’s, both of you a bit overdressed, not ready to call it a night yet.
You can feel Javier’s gaze on you, intense and unwavering. “Baby, you’d be a fucking sight,” he says, teeth grazing your earlobe before he bites down gently, his warm breath tickling your skin and sending a shiver through you. You can’t help but giggle, feeling breathless and flushed as he plants a quick kiss to your cheek.
“Why are you two all dressed up?” Connie asks, setting your drinks down with a raised brow.
“Went out for dinner at the most overpriced spot I’ve ever set foot in. Easily spent my entire Friday night’s tips, and I’m still hungry.”
“Not only does that sound like a waste of time, but it’s definitely not your style.”
Javier leans back, one arm draped over your barstool. “To clarify: she didn’t spend a damn dime,” he interjects, “I had to take her somewhere special to ask her to be my girl,” he says, voice dripping with smooth confidence as he raises his glass for a sip.
Connie’s eyes light up, and your cheeks flush. “Consistent dick is the ultimate antidepressant. Trust me, I’d know,” she says with a wink.
You laugh at her bluntness, and fall into an easy rhythm of conversation, her giving updates on things with Steve, then gushing over the earrings Javier had gifted you earlier.
Just as you’re leaning in to admire them together, you notice a figure approaching. A woman, older and stunningly beautiful, glides up to the bar—her gaze fixed squarely on Javier.
“Javier, is that you?” Her voice is low, sultry, every word dripping with familiarity as she slides up beside him, her gaze unmistakably hungry. “Dios mío, mira qué guapo te has puesto, mi amor.”
Your head snaps up, conversation with Connie dissolving as Javier stands, greeting her with a hug that makes you do a double take.
You share a look with Connie, her expression mirroring the curious frown you feel. She raises her brows, silently mouthing, Who is that?
I don’t know, you mouth back, jealousy twisting in your stomach as you glance back at them.
They part, but her hands linger a moment too long on his chest, her manicured fingers trailing down. Javier very politely but firmly moves them away, a small frown creeping onto her face.
“Judy, long time no see.” His tone is courteous but distant. “This is my girlfriend,” he says, his voice warm as he makes the introduction, stepping back to your side, positioning you squarely in her line of sight.
You’re about to revel in the term girlfriend rolling so easily off his tongue, but her eyes lock onto you with a chill that runs down your spine. Standing your ground, you straighten, meeting her gaze head-on.
She’s stunning, her hair tastefully graying in elegant streaks against her rich brunette, her makeup precise and expensive. The smile lines around her mouth only enhance her aging beauty and if it weren’t for the absolute diabolical vibes you’re getting from her, you would have complimented how good she looks.
The tailored outfit, chunky gold bracelets, diamond-studded earrings and matching necklace leave no question—she has money.
What she’s doing at a dive bar like Lucky’s is beyond you, but maybe LA has its fill of pretentious types everywhere.
“Encantada,” she purrs, a fake smile flashing across her face before her focus shifts back to Javier. “¿Tienes novia? No lo puedo creer, Javiercito. Nunca me lo imaginé de ti.¿Sigues actuando?”
Her words drip with disbelief, her eyes giving you a nasty once over, and you catch enough Spanish to know she’s making a point to speak only to him. It’s like you’re just a side note, something to size up and dismiss.
Javier shifts, catching the tension in your posture, but she’s unrelenting. He responds curtly, “No, not with others. More solo work now.”
She scoffs, a haughty tsk of disapproval as she tilts her head.“No me digas que tu noviecita no te deja.” A mocking pout twists her lips. “Mija, if you’re going to date a pornstar, you’re going to have to deal with the baggage that comes with it. You don’t just get to benefit from him, from what I taught him.”
A flush of fury burns through you, and you’re on the verge of standing up, ready to beat her ass for her audacity. But Javier senses it and steps in, fingers pressing gently but firmly against your thigh, silently calming you down before you do something that’ll make him have to bail you out.
“It was my choice. Gig isn’t fun anymore,” he says firmly, a hint of irritation finally creeping into his tone. “We’re actually in the middle of a date, so if you wouldn’t mind leaving us to it…”
She glances between the two of you, clearly displeased at being dismissed but not quite willing to push her luck. Her smile turns syrupy, and you roll your eyes, signaling Connie for another drink. She’s failing miserably at pretending like she’s not listening in.
“Of course,” she says in a sugary tone, eyes lingering on him.“Provecho. Si cambias tu mente, sabes donde encontrarme, Javi. We used to have so much fun together.” Her fingers trace down his arm a little too slowly, and she practically purrs, “Enjoy your date, sweetheart,” as she struts off, hips swinging with exaggerated flair.
But his eyes don’t follow, they turn to you.
Once she’s out of earshot, you raise a brow, waiting for some explanation. “So… who was that?” you ask as he sits back beside you, tossing back the last of his drink.
“An old colleague,” he says flatly.
You feel another surge of jealousy, and the second your drink arrives, you’re downing it in one go.
“Woah, nena, take it easy—”
“Is that normal for you?” you ask, unable to hide the irritation bubbling up. “Having fans… ‘colleagues’ just approach you out of nowhere, all of them ready to fuck?” You know your tone’s more annoyed than you intended, but the image of her hands all over him pisses you off.
He studies you, cautious, as if measuring his words. “Honestly? Yes. I’m very popular, baby,” he says with a crooked smirk, trying to lighten the mood. “I thought you knew that.”
You let out a sigh, guilt creeping in for directing your irritation at him. “I know… I do. There’s just a difference between knowing and actually experiencing it.” You try to keep the bite out of your tone. “It’s not like she was being subtle either. Looked like she was two seconds away from spreading herself out for you right here.”
There’s definitely an adjustment that still needs to be made in terms of dating a pornstar.
“I’ll be better about shutting them down,” he murmurs, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Even if you do look hot when you’re jealous.”
You try to suppress a smile, rolling your eyes as he leans closer, brushing his lips along your bare shoulder, then trailing up to your neck, melting your frustration just a bit. He’s too good at this.
“I wasn’t jealous,” you lie, glancing sideways at him. “Also didn’t peg you as an ‘older women’ guy. I’ve only ever seen you with the younger girls.” Saying it even makes you cringe.
As if on cue, Connie, ever the observant bartender, swoops in with replacement drinks, eyebrows raised knowingly. “Everything good over here? I don’t need to call an ambulance or anything, right?”
You snort out a laugh, shaking your head. “No, Con, we’re fine.”
“Even though I wouldn’t mind seeing her kick some ass.” Javier teases.
She laughs, nodding at you. “Oh, you want to see her fight? Be here during a major sports event. Last year during March Madness, she gave this guy a black eye ‘cause he called her a cunt when she accidentally changed the channel, then ended up going toe-to-toe with his girlfriend.”
Javier raises his brows at you. “Seriously?”
You shrug, unfazed. “They asked for it.”
As Connie gets pulled away by some patrons at the other end of the bar, Javier turns to you, his expression shadowed and a bit more serious than before.
“When I first started, my confidence was shot. I’m talkin’ nonexistent,” he admits, his voice low.
You arch a brow, struggling to picture a less-than-assured Javier Peña. “Really? I’m having a hard time imagining that.”
“Yeah, well…” He lets out a rough sigh, “When your fiancée gets knocked up and leaves you at the altar for the guy she’s been cheating on you with, that tends to happen.”
You choke on your drink, and your hand flies to your chest, eyes wide. He glances at you, his concern slipping past his own discomfort for a second. You wave him off as you try to get it together, the words still rattling around in your mind.
“Sorry—what?” you finally manage, hardly believing what you just heard.
“Didn’t mean to dump it on you like that,” he says, leaning on the bar, his fingers tapping a slow, rhythmic beat on the counter, his gaze cast downward.
“Hold up. You were engaged?” You can’t help but lean in, your curiosity clawing to the surface. “And she left you?” You’re struggling to piece it all together, mind spinning through images of the man sitting next to you, younger and heartbroken.
“Yeah,” his jaw twitches. “Her name was Lorraine. We were high school sweethearts—whole ‘marry your first love’ thing.” There’s a hard edge in his voice now, his fingers gripping the glass a bit tighter. “Thought I’d have the life, fill a house with kids, do the whole all-American family bullshit.” His words are bitter, the resentment so clear you almost feel it yourself.
He takes a breath, rubbing the back of his neck before continuing. “Wedding day comes around and she’s gone. Left some half-assed note saying she ‘couldn’t do it,’ and her sister finally broke down and told me what was really going on. She’d been screwing her boss. He got her pregnant.”
There’s a crash behind the bar as a glass shatters. You glance over to see Connie, her face red, scrambling to clean it up with an embarrassed apology. You can’t blame her for listening in—you’re feeling a similar gut punch.
You knew there was something that happened that made him jump the gun and move to California, now, you know what it is. An ain’t shit ex.
“Javi, that’s fucked. I can’t even begin to imagine how much that must have hurt.”
He gives a small nod, lifting his glass and taking a slow sip.
From where you’re sitting, you can see his profile in the low light—his strong nose, the gentle curve of his cheekbones, those lips that naturally form a pout when he’s deep in thought.
"I tried to keep it together, but that town became… suffocating. The looks I got…” Javier’s voice trails off as he shakes his head. “So I packed my shit, said goodbye to my pops, and just started driving. Stopped in all sorts of places, did some sightseeing, trying to figure things out.” A hint of a smile plays on his lips. “Ended up here, and Steve was the first friend I made. That asshole’s the one who got me into porn.”
Your brows shoot up, surprised yet again by his story’s unexpected turns. “Steve? Oh god, don’t tell me he used to do it too.”
Javier smirks, amusement dancing in his eyes. “He did a few flicks. Nothing groundbreaking like me.” He says all cheekily, and you can’t help but nudge him. “So, yeah, I started out for a few bucks. Wasn’t so hot in the beginning—and then I met Judy.”
At the mention of her, your face twists involuntarily, and he notices but ignores your reaction.
“She taught me most of what I know, and we shot a lot of projects together. People liked what they saw, and after a while, I started getting paired with older co-stars. That kinda became my thing. MILFs and cougars,” he says, his gaze tracing your features to gauge your response.
You’re still reeling from everything he’s told you so far, marveling at the many lives this man has lived before finding his way to you. “That explains a lot, actually,” you say, your thoughts slipping out with your words.
It now makes sense why he’s so damn good at foreplay. Skills like his? They’re honed under women who know exactly what the fuck they’re talking about, who aren’t shy to take what they need.
Suddenly, your own insecurities begin to simmer and you wonder if you’ll ever amount to the women before you.
He raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “Yeah? Like what?”
You glance up, unflinching. “Like the fact that you can fuck.” Your bluntness pulls a laugh out of both of you—his full of mischief, yours tinged with nerves.
“Not a problem, is it?” he asks, that signature smirk softened, yet curious.
It’s a loaded question, so you take a sip, buying a little time before answering. “What, that you can fuck?”
He laughs again, more genuine this time, a sound that melts some of the tension inside you.
“No, nena,” he replies, still grinning. “Everything else.”
The laughter fades, and for a moment, you sit in the quiet, watching tiny droplets slide down the condensation on your glass.
You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for honesty. “It’s not a problem, Javi. But… if I’m being real with you, I don’t feel up to par with what you’re used to.”
You can tell from the way his face falls into a scowl that he doesn’t like how you’ve phrased it. “What I have with you is different, cariño. Not something scripted for a camera.”
“I know that, but still. You’re used to professionals—people who know exactly what to do, how to look, how to please. Me?” You let out a shaky laugh, grimacing at your self deprecation, and your gaze falls to the drink in your hand. “You’re lucky if I even get on top.”
As the last word falls, your cheeks flush with embarrassment, feeling raw and exposed at a fucking dive bar.
Before you can turn further away, Javier leans in close, gently catching your chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting your face up to meet his gaze. His expression is nothing but tender, his dark eyes soft.
“Hey, stop that,” he murmurs, his voice so gentle it’s almost a whisper. “You’re more than enough. Trust me.” His fingers stroke softly along your jaw, lingering. “I wasn’t looking for a waxed-up, camera-ready professional. I wanted something real and I found you.”
Your heart stirs at the depth in his voice. He lets out a small breath, his thumb brushing the curve of your cheek. “I know you’ve got your hang-ups, and I get it. I’ve been there. It’s… hard to feel like you’re enough when you’re constantly comparing yourself to people who don’t even matter. But I’m tellin’ you, baby, it shouldn’t be like that with us.”
He shifts a little closer, his gaze earnest. “I’ll help you feel more confident the way someone once did for me. But the difference? I’m givin’ you everything. Not just sex, not just some half-hearted attempt. I’m here—all in.”
You swallow the mix of emotions he’s just poured into you—gratitude, desire, and a newfound trust that fills the spaces where your insecurities had settled.
Your eyes search his, words catching in your throat as you try to express everything you’re feeling. But instead of speaking, you reach for the hand at your face, your stare steady as you quietly murmur, “Let’s go upstairs.”
You stumble through the door, bodies pressed close as you and Javier crash into the walls of your apartment, lips never parting for more than a heartbeat.
Your hands roam each other’s bodies, his fingers tracing down your spine, your own tugging eagerly at his shirt, popping buttons until it falls open, greedily feeling up on his warm and toned chest.
His belt follows, clinking to the floor, and as you kick off your heels, you barely register the sound of them hitting the ground—lost in the heavy rhythm of your pulse, the taste of his mouth, the roughness of his scruff.
He sinks down onto the edge of your bed, and you move to straddle him, but he catches you just in time, leaning back a bit with a smirk. “Take your dress off…” he orders, his voice gravelly as his eyes travel hungrily over you, biting his lower lip.
Your heart races as you take a few steps back, antsy fingers reaching for the zipper at your side.
“Slowly,” he adds, and you slow down, teasing him as you draw the zipper down until your dress is loose against your skin.
Holding it to your chest with one hand, you turn around, letting it slip and fall in a gentle whisper to the floor, leaving you standing in just your underwear.
His satisfied hum makes you shiver, and you feel his gaze burn down your back, over the curve of your hips, your thighs.
Looking over your shoulder with a flirty smile, you catch his eye, and he grins in return.
“Turn around, baby, let me see you.”
You turn to face him, nerves quieted by the way he’s looking at you—as if he’s seeing you naked for the first time.
He lets out a soft, almost reverent groan, then extends his hands, urging you closer. You step forward, your hands finding his shoulders as you finally straddle his lap, his warmth searing through you.
His mouth captures yours, rough hands sliding up to cup your breasts, teasing your nipples until you’re trembling, gasping against his lips as you remember what happened the last time he toyed with you like this.
“Javi…” you whisper his name, your voice barely a breath as you pull away just enough to speak, eyes meeting his. “I want you. All of you.” You lean in to kiss him again, fervent, moving to trail your lips along his jaw, nipping lightly.
“I want you to fuck me.” You say it firmly, leaving no room for doubt, wanting him to understand exactly what you need.
He groans deeply, his hands dropping to grip your ass and pull you closer. “Are you sure?” his nose brushes along your neck, his breath hot against your skin as you continue kissing along his jaw.
“Yes, Javi,” you breathe out, voice thick with need, “I need you so bad.”
With practiced ease, Javier shifts you onto your back, stretching out beneath him as he hovers close, his touch claiming every inch of exposed skin. His hands trail over you, hot and lingering, and you feel like you’re melting beneath him, completely under his control.
When he finally pulls away to slip out of his remaining clothes, you see his gaze wander, fixated on something by your bedside table.
Following his line of sight, you realize he’s locked onto the purple vibrator you’d left out after using it the other night when he wasn’t around, leaving you to fend for yourself.
A sly smile tugs at his lips as he reaches over, picking it up and turning it over in his hand. “This little thing gets you off?” he teases, holding it up as though he’s sizing up the competition.
You roll your eyes, wrapping your legs around him to pull him closer, but he resists, firmly planted just out of reach.“When I’m in a pinch, yes. Haven’t exactly needed it much lately, thanks to you.”
A thoughtful hum escapes him as he glances between you and the toy, as if weighing his options. Then, moving back over you, he kneels between your thighs, one hand gripping your hip possessively, teasing the band of your panties, while the other holds the vibrator with a wicked gleam. “I think we could put this to good use tonight.”
The spark of excitement floods through you, making your thighs tense instinctively, hips lifting slightly in response. Javier notices, his smirk widening as he lets the band of your panties snap back against your skin, making you gasp.
His eyes darken as he watches you writhe, clearly savoring your every little movement.
“Oh, yeah?” you manage to ask, your voice breathy with anticipation. “How?”
Instead of answering, he switches the toy on, and the low, steady hum fills the room. His eyes never leave you as he drags it lightly over your pelvis, nowhere close to where you ache for him, but enough to make your breath hitch, a soft moan slipping out as you arch into his touch.
His grip on your hip tightens. “Stay still,” he commands, using that sexy bedroom voice of his that’s even more gravelly and deeper than his usual cadence.
Obediently, you settle back, watching him with bated breath. He keeps the toy hovering just above your soaked panties, tantalizingly close to where you need him most.
When he finally presses it down on your clothed pussy, just enough to tease, you let out a low, pleading whimper, your hands gripping the sheets as he works you over in slow, cruel strokes.
His stare holds yours, a silent promise that tonight, he’s going to take his time, making sure you feel every single second of it.
Your breaths come out heavy and uneven, your whole body tensing as you fight the urge to grind up against it, trying to maintain some composure while he has you pinned down beneath that slow, teasing rhythm.
Javier moves the toy in tight, deliberate circles, dragging it excruciatingly slow over your needy clit, the first setting absolute torture.
He’s in no hurry, watching with intense focus as you tremble, his eyes tracing every twitch, every bead of arousal that weeps from your cunt, dampening the thin fabric even more.
He keeps that maddening pace, and as the vibrations ripple through you, you feel the familiar tightening in your belly, an orgasm coiling dangerously tight, ready to snap.
Your nails dig into the duvet, a strangled moan spilling from your lips. “Oh, fuck, Javi—I’m… I’m gonna come—”
But just as you reach that edge, he pulls the toy away and turns it off, leaving you gasping, the sensation dissipating as quickly as it built. Your eyes snap open and you sit up slightly, desperate and hazy, locking onto him. “What the fuck?”
“Shh,” he hushes you, though there’s no denying the look of satisfaction on his face. Javi brushes his lips over the corner of your mouth, calming you with a soft, feather-light kiss. “Just trust me, okay? You know I always take care of you.”
You do know. This man has pulled so many orgasms right out of your body without even fucking you with his dick. That reassurance melts away your frustration from being pulled back from the precipice. You nod, swallowing hard. “Okay.”
Your lips meet in a kiss that’s so intoxicating, tongues sliding against each other, his hand skipping down your side to the band of your panties.
Slowly, he drags the fabric down, his fingers gliding over your skin, leaving a blazing trail as they go.
When he finally discards your underwear, you’re left bare beneath him, exposed and aching, while he still wears that unbuttoned dress shirt, his slacks riding low on his hips, half undone.
It’s annoying how good he looks—just dressed enough to drive you wild with impatience.
He taps your knee, urging you to spread wider, his gaze fixed on you with unrestrained desire. And the way he looks at you—like you’re all he’s ever wanted—banishes every flicker of self-doubt, every whisper of insecurity.
You let yourself open up to him completely, your sticky, swollen pussy on full display, pulsing in anticipation, needing him more than words can say.
His eyes rake over you with reverence, dark and smoldering as he drinks in every inch of yourself that you’re offering to him, his chest rising and falling a little heavier.
“Always so fuckin’ pretty,” he murmurs, pressing a slow kiss to your knee before settling back between your legs.
The vibrator flicks on again, and he traces it up your inner thighs, letting you tremble beneath his touch. You bite down hard on your lip, trying to hold back the urge to shout at him to stop playing around, to just give it to you.
Javier trails the toy along your slick lips, his gaze dark and hungry as your arousal drips out of your cunt, every inch of your body clenching with need. When he finally presses the vibrator to your clit, a shudder ripples through you, your back arching off the bed.
He groans low and deep, clearly savoring your reaction.
“Javi,” you moan, hips already grinding against the pressure as he keeps the vibrator in place, turning up the intensity to make you gasp, your body moving to meet it, demanding more.
“Feel good, baby?” he murmurs, his voice like smoke.
“Uh-huh,” you manage to get out, nodding feverishly, your eyes squeezed shut as you let the pleasure wash over you, helplessly rocking against him.
But just as you’re about to tip over the edge, he pulls it away.
Over and over, he teases, edging you with that relentless, maddening rhythm, each denial more tortuous than the last.
He alternates between fucking the toy inside you, pressing it against the fleshy cleft of your clit, and peppering soft, almost loving kisses down your body: your neck, your jaw, the valley between your breasts. His tongue traces your nipple in slow circles, flicking it just enough to drive you wild, until you’re a trembling, teary mess beneath him, desperate for release.
“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” he coos, stroking your cheek as he sets the vibrator to its highest setting, plunging it inside you. The wet, obscene sounds of your pussy crying around it only fuel his hunger as he watches your face.
You feel his fingers cup your jaw, firm and unyielding, his eyes blazing into yours as you cling to his touch, mascara running down your cheeks, feeling so utterly wrecked.
“Please, Javi… please let me come,” you beg, your voice ragged. But he just tightens his hold, fingers digging into the skin of your cheeks, pressing the toy in deep as his thumb circles your clit, leaving you breathless.
“Just when you think you can let go… it’s snatched from you,” he whispers, ignoring your pleas, dragging you to the brink only to pull the vibrator away once again, leaving you a shaking, furious mess.
A strangled sound escapes your throat, torn between anger and need, barely feeling like yourself.
Javier chuckles, bending down to nip at your chin, his teeth grazing your skin before his tongue traces a line up your jaw. “That’s how you’ve been making me feel for months now, nena,” he murmurs, his breath hot against your skin. “Driving me fuckin’ crazy. It’s only fair that I make you feel even a fraction of it.”
“Y-You’re an asshole,” you try to retort, but your voice comes out barely above a whisper, your tone more a helpless whine than any real protest.
He grins, mocking your pout with one of his own, voice dripping with feigned sympathy. “Don’t say that, baby. You’re breakin’ my heart.” He brushes one last kiss against your lips, pulling back just as you lean into him, already aching to feel him close again, his warmth a cruel tease.
He undresses fully, and your mouth literally waters as your gaze traces the sculpted lines of his stomach, following the trail of hair that leads down to his thick, throbbing cock.
The head is swollen and red, already dripping with precome, and you can’t help the moan that slips from your lips, your hips shifting instinctively, every nerve ending primed and desperate for him. You’ve been dreaming about this moment for so long, craving it with every fiber of your being.
You need to fuck this man.
As he climbs back over you, his hands reach to pull you closer, your legs wrapping around his waist as if they belong there, your hands clutching at the solid warmth of his shoulders.
You pull him down to you, your bare breasts pressed to the hard plane of his chest, as he balances himself with both hands planted beside your head, his eyes burning into yours.
“You okay?” he asks, voice soft, and you nod, kissing the corner of his mouth before tangling your fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck.
“Mhm,” you breathe, staring up at him, completely wrecked and totally ready. “I’m just ready to take you, Javi. Need it so bad.”
He groans, the heat in his eyes darkening as he adjusts his hips, hovering right there, just out of reach. “Go ahead, baby, take it. Put it in.”
His words are like gasoline to a fire, and a shiver runs through you at the sheer, visceral need in his command.
Reaching down, your fingers wrap around his length, both of you gasping as you feel the heat and hardness of him pulsing in your hand. You squeeze gently, stroking him slowly, and he hisses, rolling his hips into your grip.
You swirl your thumb over the head, spreading the bead of precome across his skin, the silky-slick texture making you dizzy with anticipation.
Drunk on him, on everything he evokes in you, you guide the head of his cock to your soaked, swollen entrance, rubbing it slowly against your aching slit.
The sensation has you trembling, but when he finally pushes forward, easing himself into you, you let out a loud, breathless whine. The stretch of him is so perfect, so utterly fulfilling that your back arches, your toes curling as your head falls back into the sheets.
“Oh, fuck—Javier, you feel so good,” you gasp, your walls clenching around him, holding him deep as your body adjusts to every thick, pulsing inch. It’s even better than you ever imagined.
He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his breath hot and uneven as he thrusts forward, filling you to the hilt. “Nena,” he grunts, voice ragged, “I’m not gonna last—shit.” He sounds as wrecked as you feel, his hips pressing flush against yours as he sinks in deep, your inner walls gripping him as if you’ll never let him go.
“Please,” you whimper, grinding your hips up to meet him, urging him on. He sinks his teeth into the delicate skin of your neck, sucking until he’s left a mark, his mouth hot and relentless as he peppers kisses and bites along your throat.
He’s holding himself back, giving you a second to catch up, but every inch of you craves him.
“Give me, fuck, gimme a second,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your collarbone. He starts to move, his thrusts slow and controlled, his mouth capturing yours in a heated kiss, your bodies locked together as he builds a rhythm, deeper and more intense with every movement.
Your fingers clutch at his shoulders, nails digging in as he grinds just right, the coarse hairs of his cock rubbing against your swollen clit, making you babble helplessly against his parted lips, your own pleasure climbing higher with each thrust. “Right there, Javi, right there—I’m so close, please…”
He speeds up, his strokes hard and unrestrained, driving you to the edge. But even as he tries to keep his control, you feel him faltering, his body tensing as the pleasure becomes too much.
“Fuck—puta madre, nenita—you feel so good—” His voice breaks, and he gives one, two, three hard thrusts, burying himself deep as his release finally takes over, his warm, pulsing release spilling into you as he groans loudly, hips grinding as he rides out the last waves of his orgasm.
Your chest heaves with every breath, your body still humming with tension. As much as you’re flattered by his performance, you’re left tingling, unfinished, after all the edging and teasing he put you through.
“Javi…” You murmur softly, your hands sliding from his tousled hair down his shoulders, the heat radiating off his skin.
He responds with a low grunt, still draped over you, his weight grounding you.
“Javier,” you say again, a bit more insistently this time, and he lifts his head, eyes heavy and glazed, looking at you as if you’ve just broken him in the best way possible.
You’ve never seen him look this wrecked, his breath still uneven and his face flushed—all because of you. Fighting the urge to smirk, you can’t help but revel in the sight of him.
Men can be sensitive about finishing quickly, but he looks nothing but smug.
“Pussy’s too damn good, baby. Fuckin’ Christ,” he groans, a grin tugging at his lips, his words breathy and awed.
Now you let yourself smirk, feeling the flush of satisfaction. He nuzzles his nose against yours, murmuring, “Gotta make up for that.”
You raise a brow, intrigued. And then he’s moving, slowly pulling out of you, making you hum as the absence of him sends a small flutter through your sensitive cunt, his warm, milky cum trickling out and coating your thighs.
With determination in his gaze, he begins his descent, his mouth trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your sternum, his breath a delicious tease against your skin until he’s nestled between your legs.
His broad shoulders press your thighs open, and then he throws them over his shoulders, eyes locked on yours, his look nothing short of ravenous.
Javi nips and kisses along your inner thighs, each bite and lick sending sparks straight to your core. When he finally reaches your swollen, aching pussy, his thumbs slide over your folds, parting them to reveal the slick mess he left behind.
Then, you feel the first swipe of his tongue, warm and slow, tasting you both. His groan is deep and low, the sound vibrating against you as he begins to devour you, licking and slurping at your mixed arousal with a hunger that’s overwhelming.
You can’t hold back—you’re too wound up, too sensitive, and you grab at his hair, your fingers twisting and tugging as your release crashes through you, every wave building on all the ones denied before.
You’re left gasping, body arched and taut, thighs clamping around his head as you scream his name, mindlessly babbling through the pleasure.
“Javi! Fuck—fuck, yes, oh god—”
He growls against you, mouth working as he drinks in every pulse, his tongue relentless as he wrings every last aftershock from your shaking body.
It’s beyond anything you’ve felt before, overwhelming and intense, leaving you utterly spent as you finally start to come down, your body melting beneath him, weak and utterly satisfied.
As he finishes devouring you between your thighs, you barely have a moment to catch your breath before he’s thrusting into you again, harder and deeper this time, with a fierce intensity that rips a loud, shameless cry from you.
Right, he’s got that pornstar stamina.
His hands grip your hips, pulling you up with him as he sits up, his brows knitted in concentration, his tongue peeking out as he watches you completely unravel around him.
“That’s right, baby,” he growls, “Gonna give me one more on my cock, show me how bad you wanted it.”
You used to roll your eyes at the exaggerated moans you’d hear on set, doubting anyone could actually be that good.
But he is that good. Beyond that good. He’s better.
Now here you are, body trembling, head thrown back, moaning his name so loudly it might echo through the whole building. Every hard thrust feels like it’s driving into the core of you, filling you so perfectly that the room spins.
His grip tightens, hands splayed across your hips as he finds a rhythm that sends shocks of pleasure coursing through you. The thick drag of his cock hits every spot, and he knows just how to read every gasp, every shudder, adjusting his pace and angle to push you higher and higher.
He pulls your legs up, folding them against your chest, his hips angled to grind against that one perfect spot that has stars dancing across your vision. You’re lost to him, mimicking those moans you used to scoff at, now higher and even more desperate as he laughs, deep and husky.
“Got you singin’ like a fuckin’ bird, nenita,” he teases, his laugh tapering off into a low groan. “And to think you didn’t want this. Now look at you—all fucked out and creamin’ on my cock”
Your bed creaks with every hard thrust, the scent of sex thick in the air, but all you can focus on is him—his rough hands, the way he looks down at you, utterly in control.
He’s all you can feel, all you can breathe, and as he digs his nails into the plush skin of your thighs, you know you’re on the edge, your pussy clenching tightly around him.
Your gaze meets his, and somehow you manage a blissful, shaky smile, a small act of defiance just before he pushes you over.
“There she is,” he murmurs, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Come on, baby—let me feel it.”
“Javi… oh my fuck, I’m coming!” The words are a gasp, strangled and desperate, as your body locks around him, your orgasm crashing through you in waves that leave you breathless, gushing around his cock as every muscle in your body clenches tight.
It feels like you’ve drifted to the heavens, like he’s drawn out every last ounce of strength from you.
You’re dazed, floating, but he’s still there, whispering to you, “Good girl, that’s it. I’ve got you,” his voice a warm balm as he slows his movements, matching the rhythm of your aftershocks, soothing you with each gentle thrust as he holds you close.
Your body shudders, tiny jolts of overstimulation sparking through you as he stays with you, coaxing you back down from the edge, until you’re nothing but a soft, sated mess in his arms.
He gently eases your legs down, pulling out of you with a slow, tender touch before settling by your side.
His arms wrap around you, drawing you in close as you both lie there, utterly spent, skin warm and sticky from sweat and the lingering traces of your wild fucking.
His lips press a soft kiss to your forehead, and you let out a contented sigh, burrowing into his chest. You crave the solid weight of his body, the grounding warmth of him as you slowly come back to reality.
“You’re not real,” you mumble into his chest, your voice muffled but laced with awe. His chuckle vibrates against your cheek, a low, comforting sound that makes you smile even wider.
“I’m very real, and very yours, nena,” Javi replies, his hand drifting lazily up and down your back in gentle strokes that make you melt even further. The warmth of his words seeps into you, and your heart flutters.
You lift your head, resting your chin on his chest, and take a moment to really admire him: the deep brown of his eyes, the dark sweep of his lashes, the fullness of his mustache, and that defined jaw you love tracing your fingers along.
Your hands wander, tracing faint shapes on his shoulders, running over the hard lines of his triceps, relishing the feel of him beneath your fingers.
“I need a shower. And to change these sheets,” you murmur, glancing around at the disheveled bed.
“Yeah, someone made quite the mess,” he teases, pinching your ass, which makes you yelp and swat his chest with a playful smack.
“Asshole,” you grumble, but he just laughs, leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss that’s softer, and you melt into him all over again.
“I’ll go start the shower for you, then change the sheets while you’re in there.”
“Catering to my every whim already? I just became your girlfriend,” you tease.
“Yeah, and I’m trying to keep it that way for the foreseeable future,” he says, brushing a quick, sweet kiss on the tip of your nose before slipping away from you.
You can’t help the little pout that forms as he sits up, rolling his shoulders back, his muscles jolting, which makes you weak in the knees.
You watch him as he moves throughout your room then into your bathroom, your eyes trailing over every muscle, every line of his body, unable to resist biting your lip.
He really is gorgeous—so damn hot—and he’s all yours.
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lawyer Regulus Black?
writers i gift unto you this idea. someone who knows something about the law please write this cause i don't know shit and i really don't want to do the research, i'll end up studying for the bar. the adhd is WILD.
Regulus "law is a gentleman's profession" Black. Lawyer Regulus Black with a fantastic excuse to wear very expensive perfectly tailored suits every day. who definitely came from money and took advantage with the best schools, a comfortable home etc, but now takes pride in NOT living off the Black fortune, thank you very much. he's still working through some of his privilege.
Regulus Black as a prosecutor who is absolutely out for blood against anyone hurting the vulnerable. he could be rather disapproving of his wild older sibling's best friend. he knows Siri is the more reckless of that pair but they egg each other on! they're going to get into real trouble one day...
Divorce lawyer Regulus Black who is so comforting and kind and thoughtful behind closed doors and absolutely terrifying in the courtroom.
Autistic lawyer Regulus Black who loves the order and rules of the court, and that (hopefully, maybe, generally) we're trying to do the right thing. it doesn't always work but it's all we have, really. lawyer Regulus Black who was raised to work within the system. with some pretty grey morals that he works on over time.
Defense lawyer Regulus Black who really does think everyone deserves a fair trial and representation. one of the few who still say that with real sincerity. he could meet the rest of the skittles more easily that way, be they other lawyers or defendants.
Slightly corrupt lawyer Regulus Black? perhaps finding his way back to being a good person or perhaps pushed into the corruption? AU with the black family having their fingers in the muggle world and its political powers and courts. pick any country you like for this really
Trans Regulus Black who took the education and ran away now that he could take care of himself. transitioning away from his parents and living totally separately, meeting up years later for some legal matter and they don't recognize him at all. but now he's done the therapy work and isn't scared of them any more. Regulus telling the court officer to please make sure Walburga and Orion aren't regularly interacting with any children because he is a mandatory reporter isn't he? "you see now she's scared. cause I know everything about you and I don't owe you loyalty any more"
please take this idea and run with it. i'm already a reggie kinnie but my anxiety is too high and my adhd too bad to end up studying law and that's how i research as a writier
#marauders#regulus black#jegulus#starchaser#sirius black#slytherin skittles#trans regulus#autistic regulus black#sunseeker#james x regulus#jegulus microfic#jegulus fanfiction#regulus x james
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ok this is kind of a weird thing to say but sometimes i feel like there is too much of. me
#not a vent post to be clear im just like. sort of confused i guess?#like i have so many hobbies and so many different sides and so many different aspects to myself#and logically i know everyone is like that but also the people i keep meeting are so genuinely one-note like to their core#it's almost eerie#like. especially some of the ppl who im in honors classes with#their entire Thing is that they do one (1) sport and they are smart. and that's it#like they don't really have any other... hobbies? or anything?#like they are either studying or playing Sport. all the time#and it's like. how does that even. work#when i tell these sorts of people about the things i do they're always really confused#and this isn't really counting my fringe adhd hobbies that i've only done a couple times#like this is shit i'm Good At. and do regularly#idk it's just weird to me i guess? like i wear so many different faces and i do so many different things and i'm just different all the time#and these people. are just. constantly the same. nice + helpful honors student who plays One (1) sport. and that's it#idk if this is tying back to my excess of creativity or what it's just something i've noticed
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thinking about how for like the first two years of obi wans apprenticeship qui gon did not give a fuck what obi wan did (or even really what happened to him) before snapping out of it and realizing he was actually very much responsible for this child and course corrected into being a helicopter parent and how obi wan always read this as mistrust instead of concern and guilt.
#Star wars#qui gon jinn#obi wan kenobi#The disaster linages complicated relationship#Neglect#Trauma#Like qui gon was deeply traumatized individual#And I think he just could not deal with being responsible for another child#Like I'm pretty sure obi wan would do something and qui gon would be having literal flashbacks of xantos#Which is not an excuse for obi wan being left to fend for himself but#And that lackluster care ran deep man like obi wan regularly ended up on a completely different planet during those early missions#But to that 13 year old baby wan it felt like trust#So when qui gon started suddenly giving a shit and putting rules in place it felt like mistrust#It's a pretty common reaction to see in kids when their parents who hadn't been parenting get it together#Qui gon having so much guilt being a helicopter tired dad#Wrestling his feral padawan into one of those kid leashes#Qui gon: through gritted teeth: its the will of the force Padawan stay fucking still I mean it I swear to all the gods#Obi wan: 15 and feral and war veteran twice over embressed to the point of finding this humiliating:#Master hates me? Mater distrusts me?? He thinks I need to be held on to like I'm fucking 7 years old when will I ever be good enough for hi
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I feel like it probably says something about me that my "comfort" video game is a difficult puzzle platformer that's famous for players repeatedly dying in very stupid ways and only 25-30% of players (depending on the version) ever finish
#ori and the blind forest#everyone I've ever talked into playing the game: 'god why do you like this so much? it's hard!'#me who regularly finishes it in 3-3.5 hours: 'idk. I just think it's neat!'#(this is complicated by the fact that I'm absolute shit at playing Will of the Wisps asdfghjkl)#(the secret is that I am good at platformers designed to be played on a computer and bad at ones designed to be played with a controller)
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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the only feature that i consistently have difficulty with removing permanently in windows is windows defender, which is honestly arguably a good thing. id never outright endorse it but with winaero tweaker+knowing what you're doing win11 is very tolerable
#op#people are regularly surprised i'm on 11 because it looks and feels identical to 10 for me just stabler#my windows is a good girl who does what i say. Sorry. Sorry who said that. Sorry#i use mint sometimes but since i like. need the full power of my beefy ass gpu and its drivers for a lot of shit i do daily it's+#+just not especially practical for me to use wine all the time
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ramen dinner with the girls tonight 🤩❤️🔥
#i'm so excited !!#and also nervous bc we haven't hung out in forever 🥹#which means yay lots to catch up on & that's always fun#but also means they might bring up -certain- things that 😭 i do not wanna talk about ever again lol#that's the problem with not seeing each other as often is having to discuss things that happened months ago..#but what are ya gonna do 🤷♀️ it's hard to hang out regularly since we all got full time jobs#+ we live and work far away from each other & the weather always sucks & eating out gets expensive 😫#our vacations are on different times too#and now it's getting darker earlier so... yeah#it's getting less and less safe to hang out at night here and even in broad daylight too man 🙃#we gotta find more activities to do lol but usually i'll see one of them for coffee and walks & those are my fav#man i just wish i lived closer to my friends it sucks#cause even if it's easier now than it was years ago bc i can drive to them#there's alwayssssss construction and traffic the city is horrible#like we mostly just hang out in the suburbs now bc of that. sure there's less options here but at least we can drive peacefully and PARK#that's also another major issue in the city ugh#and it's not even like public transit is a solid option there's always problems there too 🙃#get ur shit together montreal !!!! i wanna love you but you're so hard to love sometimes !!!!!!!!#anyway. i do miss the city i can't even lie. i never go downtown anymore 😢#and i miss my friends !!!!!!!! 😭😭#i'm so excited we're hanging out i hope we can do it more and more often#**#update: ok they didn’t ask about any of the things i was worried about so we good 😇
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i just feel like i have more of an angle on things i mean i am aware of the perspective i have gained because it sticks out to me. now i can say "i like them because they're so different from my dad<3"
#girl........ anyways#i can't lie though that is definitely a big part of why i was here/why i latched on and why i am here again. cut me some fucking slackkkk#it's free comfort and reassurance‚ i think maybe i can't always afford to wallow in sfuff that makes me feel bad‚ it helps with#working through it but sometimes i have to take the other route. regularly maybe. like an alternating current#i gotta have the adventure times and the uhh (struggling to come up with anything that was ever important to me that was wholesome) uh#the other things. alongside the bad & the sad things#most things are sad. or most things make me a bit sad. i'm only interested in being sad‚ or disturbed‚ or weirdly aroused#and it's been good that way! i live for that and for freak shit! i just have limits here too ig#gotta switch it up man i gotta and then i can get back to bad & sad with renewed enthusiasm. literally#so again‚ forgive me if i become lame and act weird!! either i'm regressing or doing what feels right for me‚ we'll have to see#kata.txt#for organization's sake..#21p
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
#witchblr#taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted#still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while#and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice#like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to#like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break?#and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask.#and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it#and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points#idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao#you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee#anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience#its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it#ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY#i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life#just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on
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They get their estrogen together <3
#JSBSJASVISSBKDCNRIFBFICBDK OKAY I GOT INTO MSA LIKE YESTERDAY AND FINISHED THIS IN A SINGLE SITTING TODAT#THAT IS LIKE BIZARRE. AND DOESN'T HAPPEN FOR ME#THE BRAINROT IS REAL FOR BOTH OF THESE THINGS SO I'M SHOVING THEM TOGETHER#Also it helps that when I first saw Vivi I was like :0 Holy shit that's June#I was originally gonna draw June in clothing more similar to Vivi's but I was like Ehhh what about casual and then this happened#The shirt is blatantly a lie but she got it back when one of her friends came out to her when she didn't know she was trans#(pick like any hs cast member you want as the person who came out to her they're all trans)#But then didn't feel wanna waste a good shirt so she still wears it. regularly.#Also her skirt is intentionally on backwards#I've never drawn June in any greater form that a notebook doodle vut I will be definitely be doing this again if for no other reason than#how much I enjoyed doing the clothing#vivi yukino#june egbert#mystery skulls#(<- Is that the right tag? Idk.)#homestuck#may i plz have an art tag#Like look at my you need to understand how much I relate them to eachother. Blue gals. Magical super strong dog is a major character.#One has a bat one has a hammer. Glasses. Dead friend(s).#Okay that's all I can think of off the top of my head and I'm sure I'll remember more later but please understand me here#I've literally never interacted with the msa fandom before plspls pleaseeeee tell me if I did any of the tagging wrong if I did ^^'
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this is SO bizarre and idk what to do about it re: guy in my public speaking class
#for reference we had weird drama in hs where we knew each other via band and theater and now we're in another performance-ish-based class#and a lot of the issues w us in hs stemmed from that we regularly auditioned for the same roles and parts and shit and um. he took it#really seriously and didn't like that i was stealing his spotlight or whatever tf. and i was just trying to make friends. feels weird.#like i don't get it what did i do. bro i'm not asking to be friends just why r u talking sm shit.. will never forget how i was sent#screenshots of him saying i shouldn't have a role bc i was new and i was like. um. are you mad because i'm good at this. whats going on#ANYWAY i am going to be so friendly and/or not talk to him if that's what he wants or talk to him if he wants#i think abt it a lot. just feels bad man. what did i do to you#need my bf to check messenger bc he is going to lose his MIND
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"i'm not like those Other People, i only consume Unproblematic Media™ with Good Representation™ and i don't like Irredeemable Media™"
"i'm not like those Other People, i don't like this Sanitized Media™, i only like Real Art™ with Bad Messy Representation™"
you are literally the same people wearing different hats the only things you disagree about are what counts as bad media and what counts as good representation
#bats makes a post#oh this ''bad'' representation you love was made by an actual queer person? depicting their lived experiences?#and/or you like it because it in some way reflects your own actual lived experience? so you think it's good rep then.#and this other queer media doesn't reflect your lived experiences at all?#and it feels too clean like it was made for straight people and not actual queer people? you might even go as far as to say it's... bad rep#''i don't like Show A because there's not enough good rep'' ''i don't like Show B because there's too much good rep''#You Are Both Grown Adults Arguing About Shows For Children. You Are The Thing You Claim To Hate.#everyone needs to chill the fuck out and get some nuance and recognize this a giant community where everyone has different needs#and that we all have better shit to do than argue over ultimately nothing#and to be clear i'm not different from any of these people either! none of us are! we all like it when things are good#and don't like it when things are bad#and it's completely within human nature to argue over pointless shit so i don't necessarily blame anyone#back in the day you had to get books published and shit to be a philosopher#but now anyone can be a philosopher for free and share their ideas with the world#and that's wonderful! but god is annoying to read sometimes#(and to be absolutely clear i'm not coming specifically for people who love ''bad'' rep#those are just the takes i see more often due to content curation#and therefore the side of the debate that annoys me more because i actually see it regularly#and generally is the side i agree with more often in the broad strokes which Makes It Worse when they're annoying about it)
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Seeking an adhd diagnosis is like "bring someone from your childhood, someone from your adulthood, your 3 most recent report cards, $500, and your firstborn to an appointment you had to call the same practice 5 separate times to be given after following a breadcrumb trail of referring providers. you may or may not receive the diagnosis"
#chats#I mean the really shitty thing is like#I don't dislike how my brain works?? it's just bad at the one thing I need to do to survive under capitalism (9-5 job)#I mean it'd be great to be able to respond to emails and remember to eat and not miss buses because I consistently forget my keys phone etc#but I like how well I do with ideation#I like following whatever interests me in the moment#I like that I'm kind of good at like 80 things#I only want a diagnosis because that's the only way to get medication which is the only way to treat adhd#my therapist keeps talking about 'the meds won't help you still need to know how to prioritise tasks' I already do that#how does a bitch who regularly forgets to brush her teeth maintain straight As APART from prioritising that shit#also it's so expensive and now I have to worry about which friend to bring and whether they know My Relationship With My Symptoms#I mask!! a lot!! if my friend says 'oh nah she always seems on top of things' is that going to preclude diagnosis?#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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i'm not letting anyone ever make me feel bad about me, my choices, things and people i love/care about, hobbies whatever, ever. respect me, or (kindly), kick bricks🧱 i'm just done with that "letting things happen" or niceties if you're not nice to me or others. you gonna disrespect me, i won't respect you and i just won't talk to you. life is too short to be a mean person. i don't wanna be a pushover. i'm not gonna let people make me feel bad anymore no matter who they are. i cried my last tear over that stuff. not gonna be hostile, or mean but assertive, because it's a new era and i want positivity. i want good things, i like my peace and anyone who threatens me with that i don't want around me. it's just bs. 💩 i don't want any negativity, so if you're gonna be mean or whatever do not interact w/ this.
#personal#ugh#i literally cried myself to sleep with my stomach in knots over this shit#like my bfs aunt is so mean#she's been saying these little things and she's really getting to me#all week long giving me shit about everything i do#i'm so thankful for my boyfriends family and i love them all but she i can't with#its a good thing she lives 3000 miles away regularly#his mom was so upset when my bf and i were discussing things last night bc the aunt has a habit of doing this stuff#and she didn't know it was as bad as it was between her sister and me#so all this is spurred by her#and like generally#his grandma was mad too bc i have literally done nothing to this woman#and i'm newly moving in and i'm overwhelmed and chaotic these days with that#i'm tryna stay positive#i'm a lil nervous bc they're gonna have a convo with her#and let her know that she's being a lot rn and i'm like afraid of her#i also don't wanna make her madder than she is already#if she's even mad or its just how she is#idk the whole thing#but it really hurt me bc i looked forward to meeting her and then when i did we do not jive#i thought we would#never meet your heroes kids
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no bc coming up with ideas is SO hard its not talked abt enough. I find the writing moderately easy but with a lot of my fics it takes me so long to flesh out ideas for the actual story instead of one big idea.. ti's a curse
literally like I actually burned through that zelink fic I wrote cause I just for once actually knew the whole time what was going to happen like putting down a bunch of bullshit and going back to fix the bullshit later and make it not bullshit is actually remarkably easy for me if there's anything I can do it's ramble but coming up with ideas for the specific bullshit??? well brother you can just die
#I kind of wonder if I found the fic writing so easy just cause of a combo of the zelink fixation being really powerful#and the dunning krueger effect? like I never write I've hardly written so I'm not an experienced writer#which means I find the writing easier and like it better bc I don't have the experience to know enough about if it's bad you know?#whereas like. everytime I attempt drawing. I am good enough at drawing to know my drawings are bad so I hate it#like I was thinking it could possibly be that?? cause I was like there is no way the writing part of it is regularly this easy#but so far my only 2 problems have been coming up with ideas or being bored with the idea#(loz byler au. first chapter unfortunately bores the shit out of me which is why it's been like 6 months since I started that)#but yeah if I like the idea and want to see it really bad I can do it I JUST NEED IDEAS😭#BUT I'M CONSTANTLY SEEING MY ACTUAL AUTHOR FRIENDS BE LIKE “SO MANY IDEAS NO MOTIVATION”#ask#anon
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