#like this is not about being transgender this is about having autism. genuinely feel more comfortable around cis guys sometimes cus-

[stardustfanfare]

I MISS CAMPPP 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BUT ITS ALSO GOING TO KILL ME

[atlasoftheunknown]

I used to hate anybody and everybody was radqueer. I don't anymore, for one reason in particular;

I'm concerned. Honestly everything you guys do is more concerning than anything. You all clearly have something going on, and I have a feeling it's either from the echo chamber you've dragged yourselves into or you are genuinely delusional. You all need therapy. Before one of you tries to argue why you shouldn't go to therapy, you need to understand that I am well aware therapy won't necessarily fix what's wrong, however it will give you healthier coping mechanisms than cosplaying as a minority. Three things in particular I want to criticize about radqueers however are; 1. TransAbled. I've heard the argument that "transids" are the same as transgender, a misalignment of the body and mind. I'm white and therefore do not feel comfortable speaking about transrace, however I'd like to know how you can physically not have autism, depression or anxiety, but mentally have it. That's not exactly how that works. Unlike sex and gender, mental disorders are entirely mental. It's in the name. And wanting to have a physical disability is weird at best, horrifically diminishing at worst. I guarantee if you were actually disabled you would not want to be. This is not trying to say that disabled people cannot be content with being disabled, but it's really strange to want to struggle in life. All the disabled people I've met, talked to, heard from, they don't hate their disability. They don't want to have it either. It's just their circumstances. 2. Transbody, transopinion and transoccupation These are three things I've seen a lot of and they honestly just feel like an attention grab. Transbody terms are mostly just insecurities, "feeling as if you should have [x feature]". Either that or they're unrealistic, which I'm becoming concerned is causing more insecurities for confused kids that they didn't even know could happen. Transopinion is one of two things. It's either people who are so desperate for labels they're clinging to stuff they know is bad, or is literally just changing your mind, except apparently you're not allowed to do that. This also ties into the concept of "stances" which seem to be immovable ideologies that once you express you're not allowed to change. That's a topic for another day though. Transoccupation is genuinely just having dreams and aspirations, or finding something interesting. You guys know you're allowed to have interests right? 3. Paraphilias (specifically the "big three" and other harmful ones) Paraphilias should not be accepted in the way you all think they should. There should absolutely be a little less shame involving it so that individuals can get access to the proper help, however we should not be normalizing paraphilias. They are not normal, and they are absolutely not queer identities. I'm genuinely terrified for "radqueer" kids who are saying that pedophilia is okay. What happens if it does get normalized and you get SA'd? Or when it's your kids? Or does it only apply when it's other kids, ones you don't know? This is honestly just a breeding ground for grooming and sexual abuse. It is absolutely not okay.

For the record, I still support bodily autonomy, obviously I cannot stop you from doing whatever you want with your bodies, however please stop claiming to be part of communities you were never part of, and stop trying to push your voice into our conversations.

[tittyinfinity]

I've really enjoy following you this past year and I wanted to ask for insight on something because I respect your viewpoints. I want to stay on anon because this is something that has caused me a lot of internal pain and i am not confident enough to go public about it. I started calling myself non-binary back when I was 22 (I'm 32 now) and due to autism + polycystic ovarian syndrome I've felt at odds with "cis womanhood." my inability to wholly conform to what is expected of me is something I have grappled with my entire life. I have regularly felt that I am not a "real woman," thus adopting the label. My genuine attraction to women as a bisexual person is perhaps the only thing that links me to womanhood. There are times where I have felt that I don't have a gender at all whatsoever and that trying to apply one to myself is only a cause for stress and anxiety. I have no desire to transition and there are individual aspects of estrogen I have enjoyed experiencing. Lately i have been feeling at odds with the nb label, and as I interact with more and more trans and transitioning non-binary people, I feel like I am a fraud taking up space. I sometimes wonder if I am in spaces that are not for me and I certainly don't want to claim any labels that are not mine to claim, especially as trans healthcare is constantly under attack in the US and that is something that does not directly affect my rights. I love and value the trans friends that I've made but I worry that I may have been calling myself a term that I don't have any right to use, as though I am a "tourist," or something along those lines, trivializing meaningful labels from an already heavily oppressed community. I don't want to cause any harm or pain to the trans people I care about by adopting a label that doesn't fit. Should I just go back to calling myself a cis woman who struggles with conforming to traditional patriarchal expectations of womanhood?

anon i love you. these are literally the same exact same thoughts i had before coming out as agender. I felt like the only thing that was connecting me to my "womanhood" was the oppression, sexism, and misogyny i faced as one. and that made it so much harder to give up the "woman" label because it felt like I was somehow abandoning and/or invalidating those experiences. it's ESPECIALLY harder when you're dealing with issues related to your reproductive system, like you and I both. what you're feeling is very valid and normal. but our bodies and our outside experiences are NOT what defines us.

i have to constantly remind myself "you only feel like you don't belong in trans spaces because your heavy experiences with misogyny still brand you as a woman against your will."

almost every single transgender person has had those thoughts of "I feel like my gender doesn't fit me, but I still experience things as This Gender so therefore I would be 'intruding' on trans spaces." please please do not feel like you're "invading" any space.

You are not hurting anyone else or taking resources away for just being yourself.

You can allow yourself the space to be something other than what society has labeled you, as a "woman."

And when you do allow yourself to have that space, it is SO FREEING. it feels AMAZING!

there is no problem whatsoever with throwing away a past label, because it's like throwing away any past label of yours – you're not the same person you were 10-15 years ago, so why keep identifying that way anyway?

I don't know who you are, but I'm already excited for you to begin your journey. Be who you want to be. BE YOU. I love you I love you I love you.

Go be YOU.

[cannibalisedthoughts]

Today’s Reminder (tw for mentions of suicide, and lots of abelism as well as seizures)

Fake claiming is always wrong, and it is especially wrong when you do it behind someone’s back and to their friends. It is especially wrong to use someone’s genuine concern for their health, their right to ask questions to get answers as a reason to claim they are faking.

This post goes out to the person I used to be friends with, and trusted who fakeclaimed my bipolar behind my back because we didn’t share the exact same symptoms.

To the same person, who told my best friend that I was faking the fact I may potentially have seizures because “the questions they’re asking sound nothing like seizures”

The likelihood of them seeing this is low, but if by some miracle they do I just want them to know how much damage they caused by sending those texts to my best friend.

She read those to me the other night, and just hearing those two things ripped me apart so much that I barely slept that night.

Your words destroyed me J.C.

It makes it worse that you have misgendered me to my two closest friend as well, misgendered me despite only knowing me as he or they SIMPLY because you know I’m transgender.

I am disgusted in how you can treat someone like this. I trusted you.

For those wondering why I seem more upset about these things than feels warranted allow me to list everything this person has done to me since I became friends with them.

Suicide baited me, forced me to check on their girlfriend because he refused to text her after announcing he was going to kill himself

Misgendered me to two of my best friends (who very much refused to do the same)

Fakeclaimed me

Tried to undermine my struggles because they weren’t presenting the same as his

Broke several of my boundaries and then tried using one of their disorders as an excuse

Guilted us for expressing a boundary made because of a very serious trauma

Made his trauma the only trauma allowed to be valid in the group by constantly reminding us of what he went through

Sending us pictures of something someone said about us, that caused trauma responses. These images were sent unsolicited

Telling us we were a bad friend for not being able to communicate MID PANIC ATTACK

Spreading lies about us, making us out to be a villain

Involving us in situations where we couldn’t be safely involved such as when someone they no longer wanted to associate with started to stalk him.

Creating an atmosphere in the friendship group that meant nobody felt safe to talk about their struggles.

Invading my friends’ privacy and dismissing her trauma as nothing serious.

Doubling down when they were corrected on misinformation (doubling down means they continued to aggressively insist they were correct)

Saying our migraines could not cause neurological symptoms, that it was impossible

Making us feel lesser to them because we’re still waiting for an autism diagnosis

Making us feel bad because we cannot treat our depressive episodes

Triggering our tics. Constantly and without remorse.

And that is merely half the list.

Barty from The Circus Tent System

[soundbodys]

AMBROSE BASSFORD: autism?

hi!!!! welcome to part 1 of "i've got some thoughts on adamandi" >:) i have some other analysis that i do want to share about other things, not just randomly diagnosing fictional characters! but this post is about ambrose being on the autism spectrum <3

i'm not a medical professional by any means, but this is just coming from both my experience as an autistic person and the research i've been able to do about the disorder. and other people's experiences! please dont come for me if things are just a touch inaccurate. without further ado: lets fucking gooooooooo!

[ID: ambrose bassford with his hands on vincent lin's shoulders. he is looking into the distance with a determined look in his eye. vincent looks towards him with concern. end ID]

(please excuse my terrible quality screenshots. um. yeah.)

i'll also preface this by saying that yes, much of this is also informed by his status as a transgender student in the early-mid 1900s. i still think it's fun to analyze and compare my (and others') experiences to his!

THE MARMORIUS SOCIETY

[ID: preston monterey and adrian farthington (or miscellaneous marmorei) putting a letterman jacket on ambrose. ambrose is smiling. there is a caption at the bottom reading "rooftops that nobody frequents where secret societies meet" in all caps. end ID]

firstly, i will address the marmorius society. i'm fairly certain that the marmorei in "word to the wise" are meant more to represent the then-present-now-past members that welcomed ambrose freshman year rather than preston and adrian, but thats ok. what matters more is the subtext in word to the wise that we can glean from the choreography and interactions between ambrose and vincent. beginning the song, and similarly his freshman year, ambrose struggles to fit in like each of the other students entering ardess. he initially seems more comfortable interacting with vincent, but then gets taken in by the marmorei. this is exactly where his mannerism and attitude shift

here, we see ambrose fitting in (or, making an attempt to) with the other marmorei. from vincent's account, we know that ambrose's actions and behaviors almost completely changed after becoming part of the society. this is a really roundabout way of saying hey, ambrose found a place where he thinks he might belong! rather than learning and adapting to normal and regular social rules, he latches onto and mimics a very specific subset of people. to him, they know what they are doing and they have a way of being social that he can't understand so he mimics instead of just adjusting the way he already was. this mimicking makes a bit of sense in that he's not quite conforming to social cues (he still doesn't exactly fit in), but he's trying to. it feels to me a bit like how it is to feel alienated from your peers, even though you are trying your hardest to mask. of course, his "off"-ness is also contributed to by his transness so take that as you will.

2. WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?

[ID: ambrose is standing facing vincent. vincent is facing him with his hands to his back uncomfortably. the caption reads. "i've been looking to include more variations in body type." end ID]

this one is shorter than the marmorius society bulletpoint. actually, most of them are. that one is long winded. ANYWAY, ambrose is kind of... interesting when it comes to his interactions. specifically, he encourages vincent to join the marmorei by saying he's been "looking to include more variations in body type." to him, he's being completely honest and genuinely wants vincent to take interest in his phaethon project. unfortunately, to both vincent and much of the audience, this comes off as comically insensitive at best or offensive at worst. this comes from a lack of awareness of social cues, similar to the lack of knowledge of social norms from the previous bulletpoint. while he knows how to conform to the marmorei, there is still a lot of social cues he needs to work on. often, autistic people will speak bluntly and honestly in their communication. this is really not that far off, even if it was just a little gag!

3. OMG, SENSORY ISSUES!

[ID: caption reading, "he didn't eat the apple because he said he didn't like how its flesh felt on the skin of his thumbs." end ID]

kind of self explanatory. all metaphors aside, ambrose doesn't like the flesh of a peeled apple on his thumbs. i understand (<- i loooove peeled apples though)

4. BLACK AND WHITE THINKING: IF NOT ME, WHO?

[ID: lyrics reading, "if i was stronger i could fix this; / cut the bad and leave the good / be the marble and the sculptor / like my father says i should." end ID]

[ID: lyrics reading, "so my parents and my girlfriend / my closest friends and you / will know i deserve their love / once there's no more work to do / there are only three people who'll be perfect in their eyes / me, myself, and i" end ID]

two screenshots! often, autism causes what can be called "black and white" or polarized thinking. it's like, there's only one solution or there are only the extremes (although, this isn't to be confused with the black and white thinking associated with BPD. i don't have experience on that but ive heard quincy and vincent can fit the bill). for ambrose, there's only one solution to both his dysphoria and distorted self worth: becoming the perfect man by... becoming marble or whatever. as if there is only ONE way to do this, without alternative methods. i sometimes find myself in the same spiral, and have meltdowns either when it doesn't work out or if i'm offered an alternative solution that goes against what i thought might work. even in the second screenshot here, we see that he thinks the only way to earn love is through this specific task. he cannot be unconvinced, even if vincent tries to offer him an alternative solution.

5. WHY APOLLO, BOYS?

[ID: ambrose is hanging off a ladder, his hand out and mouth open singing. the caption reads, "apollo's look is yours: sound body, sound mind" in all caps. end ID]

this is where i dip more into the headcanon territory than i already have. i couldn't really include every screenshot where he talks about a) apollo, b) sculpture, or c) fitness. this is kind of part of his character in general but i like to think of it as his special interests. it's remarkable how many autistic people i know who have majored in something related to their spinterests (including myself! in a way)

6. DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, LIN!

[ID: vincent awkwardly puts a hand on ambrose's arm, ambrose looks at him longingly. end ID]

ambrose... did not interpret the social cues correctly in the scene directly after "sound body, sound mind." it's really just written in the text, but just in case, i will remind you that vincent pretty much says "hey, i kind of strived to be like you because i had this incorrect assumption of who you were, sorry about that lol" and ambrose took it all wrong and thought this was a romantic advance. he just... didn't interpret it right. honest mistake, but a very common mistake among autistic people. and, unrelated to the autism thing, his comeback isn't smooth at all lmao

THERE YOU HAVE IT! i'm sure there could be more to be said, but my hands hurt (disability) and i can't think of any more off the top of my head. feel free to add on with anything you want to say!!!! thank you for reading!!!! here's the sillies for you, as a reward for getting this far :)

[ID: preston, ambrose, and adrian with their arms on each others' shoulders, stepping in sync. end ID]

[nightcolorz]

i’m late but for the ask game: armand 6, 8, 25

YIPPIE!! Thank u sm for sending this, I’ve been pretty severely injured lately and I woke up feeling so shit and sad, so getting this notif absolutely made my day. Armand !!! He is my favorite character in anything ever. I have literally never been so insane about a guy before. U picked some great questions so I’m super excited about this.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I identify strongly with Armand for a lot of weird little reasons. I think the root of it is transgender and autism stuff if I’m honest 😭 Im going to try not to get tooo personal 👍👍 but I will let’s be honest, I will get personal. I can relate to being fetishized and characterized for my sort of androgynous/pretty/boyish appearance while I feel like how I look doesn’t truly reflect who I am as a person. I definitely get the struggle of being demeaned and treated like a child bcus of the juvenile ish appearance transitioning can give you. I also can relate to being demeaned and treated like a child because of my social awkwardness (due to autism) that causes many ppl to assume I’m unintelligent or immature, need to be treated gently or talked to slowly, etc. I see these parts of myself reflected in Armand ofc in different more vampiric ways, and having a character who is infantilized and talked down to while also fetishized and sexually exploited for a perceived innocence that isn’t reflective of who he really is at all, a guy who is also very strange and awkward and doesn’t act right, who is also simultaneously very bad ass (imo lmao) in his shamelessness and his overtly violent and freak of nature attitude, is weirdly very validating and empowering for me, lmao. He is like the weak shameful parts of myself if the weak shameful parts of myself had teeth. 👍👍👍 Yeah 😁😁😁😁 Armand 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

lmfaooo, I’m so happy u picked this one bcus I love complaining and being a hater 😍 I am sorry in advance if I say anything that ruffles any bodies feathers, just bcus I don’t like these things ppl do doesn’t mean I don’t like the ppl who do them, y’all do u I’m not stopping u. Anyways.

I don’t enjoy how a handful of amc exclusive fans characterize Armand, because you can tell they rlly only understand him based on Wikipedia reads and his brief appearance in the show so far, which results in this sort of glaring simplification of his character in fan content. This wouldn’t rlly bother me if not for how prevalent it is 😭 like it’s genuinely difficult for me to find interesting and in character fanfic about Armand bcus so much of it is uniformed. The amc fandom sort of dominates the tvc fandom, it’s just so big. I don’t like when Armand is reduced to Louis’s new scary hot boyfriend/Lestat replacement/potential villain. It feels like he’s often perceived through this lens of a role in the story, like “hm this guy seems like a potential villain”, “no I think he’s a new love interest”, which is a conversation I find no appeal in at all considering you can’t fit the Armand I love into any of these narrative boxes. This isn’t rlly smth I have personal beef with bcus there’s no harm in fans of the show characterizing armand based on there limited knowledge while they wait for the next season, but for me it’s a pet peeve you know, as someone who rlly rlly likes armand a lot 😭.

(This is the exception to my no hate to u if u do this disclaimer btw, all the hate to u). on the subject of amc fans, I also often see this hostility towards fans of book Armand, where I’ll see amc fans talking about how perverse he is conceptually in the books and how gross ppl who like him are, which REALLY makes me very mad, because ok. Listen. Show armand is not a character yet, any and all things you enjoy about armand as of now as someone who hasn’t read the books are 1. How he looks. And 2. Things from the books that you apply to him in a new context. Assad’s performance, the people working on the show, the writers, everything that you base your enjoyment of armand in, is from the books 😭 But god forbid someone enjoy the source material over the hypothetical character who barely exists yet? God forbid someone do the same thing u do (take smth arguably morally dubious and interpret it in a way that u find interesting and compelling while acknowledging the morally dubious source material) just not in the context of an adaption. Ok. God forbid I enjoy and identify with an adult character trapped in the body of a child who is misperceived for his youth and sexually abused, it’s not like this is the same concept of beloved amc Claudia anyway. It’s also not like I am capable of enjoying something while criticizing it and disliking it’s flaws, and coming to conclusions based on critical thinking and analysis of concepts that may have been executed poorly, that I still admire and enjoy, bcus I am capable of complex thinking, and I don’t need to blindly enjoy every part of smth and perceive it as flawless to enjoy it. We all know that’s fake ! Anyways sorry for the angry rant 😭😭😭 moving on.

On a separate note, I also sometimes have beef with how fellow book armand fans portray him. This is small and sort of petty but it bothers me when Armand is drawn as like, very small and skinny. Maybe it’s bcus I head canon him as chubby and sort of cherub-built, maybe it’s bcus in TVA armand describes himself as strong in build and “not waif-ish”, but either or it does feel sort of wrong and off putting when I see Armand drawn as like, so small and petite that it’s emphasized. To me this reads as a missing of the point, if you will. An emphasis on physical qualities representative of innocence and youth that aren’t reflective of Armand’s character, only rlly how some other characters see him. I can often tell when an Armand fan enjoys him for the superficial qualities (eternally young, angelic looking, etc) over who he is, and it always encourages me to steer clear. I hope I’m making sense lol. This is also sometime present in fic but it’s more subtle and difficult to describe. Anyways

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I was thinking about this yesterday! I was first introduced to Armand when I was maybe 11 or 12, my dad put on 94 interview with the vampire for me and my twin sister while he did work around the house etc. he started watching it with us (he loves 94 iwtv) but by the time Armand showed up at the half way point he got up and started doing other things, so my sister and I were alone in front of the screen. For some reason lost to time my sister and I were very excited about seeing Antonio Banderas, maybe because we knew him from Zorro, so in the aftermath of the buffoon scene with Santiago that we found really funny, when Antonio Banderas appeared on screen we were hyped tf up. We were so enthralled in the moment of his cunty ass entrance we started cheering and clapping and screaming 😭 I think shrieking ARMANNNDDD!!!! At the screen (with no knowledge of who armand even was) Till I started laughing to tears is in my top ten formative moments. My first viewing of iwtv was just like that 😭 there was smth in the water that had my sister and I loosing our fucking minds with excitement over that movie. Anyways, I only immersed myself into the fandom and got rlly into tvc just last year, when I read interview with the vampire (smth that’s always been in the back of my mind since my first viewing, I really did love that movie) and then the rest of tvc. When I was reading interview with the vampire I had that subconscious excitement over Armand’s half way point appearance brewing from the get go (every time my sister and I have watched iwtv together since we were 12 we’ve done the same screaming at the screen ritual for armand) so when I was re introduced to him I was instantly attached to him. I very quickly discovered how much I was enthralled by this guy, like by his first appearance and description it went from a weird little nostalgic affection to a “omfg I feel many inexplicably strong feelings for this guy”. He was just so magnetic and weird, I was intrigued by every thing about him, like Louis lol. I started drawing him a bunch b4 I’d even finished the first book, and by the time I was introduced to him in tvl he was my favorite character. Tvl really solidified my armand obsession, and queen of the damned made me the person I am today 😭 insane. I think my impression of him now should be obvious at this point 😔 he is my silliest guy every morning I wake up and he is the first thought in my mind I cry about him daily I worship him like he’s my god sometimes I see a blender and I am so overwhelmed with emotion I want to scream if a professional looked into my brain and saw all the armand in there they’d diagnose me with super mega autism. I like him a lot. 🫶

Thank you sm for sending this ask once again! I’m sorry it’s so long lol, hope my responses were interesting. This is the ask game in question for anyone who may potentially want to send me more asks: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/734243514562510848?source=share I would cry with joy if so.

[sillylittlevulpine]

Something that sincerely confuses me about society and internet culture is like, people going out of the way to invalidate people. Like society has turned into this contest of who suffers enough to be considered allowed to be seen or heard. And anything that may be considered semi similar to their experience that they don't like, they go out of their way to shut it down.

Speaking as someone that is Trans, I see so much hate from the LGBT community for people expressing other parts of themselves and considering it dysphoria. Namely Therians.

The definition of dysphoria is literally about not being satisfied with life for one reason or another. So the idea of species dysphoria is genuinely plausible.

People consistently arguing there are no reasons scientifically people would feel like that, there are several reasons someone will feel that way. Autism, Schizophrenia, DID, PTSD, etc.

And being transgender is literally a difference of mental structure and/or hormonal makeup.

As is Autism and anything else. It is happening at a mental level which makes us feel the way we do.

The problem with our culture is that we see things as wrong or right ways to exist. And consistently have to try to find a way to consider things we don't like as a 'disorder' that way it has immediate negative implications on said person. And can be easily used as an excuse to crush expression or push an agenda.

For example if we were try to classify being queer as a disorder that needs to be fixed, people are automatically gonna try to make them go get fixed (and news flash, that's why it was so hard for gay and transgender people to have any sorts of rights, cause that was exactly what was happening to them)

Actually a lot of Autistics are predominantly queer. And you don't think cause the way we think or view things may affect the way we perceive ourselves? Autism is a difference in the wiring of the brain and not even a mental illness. It is not classified that way.

There is a difference between something harmful and maybe something that other people may not understand or see as a little weird that may be a byproduct of another thing going on with us. And honestly expressing yourself in ways that don't hurt you or anyone else is totally ok!

You are allowed to express yourself and make yourself comfortable in your own skin! If we all saw how so many people's struggles are similar in a way and worked together to bring each other up rather than tear each other down, a lot more people would be happier and safer.

[sapphicjigsaw]

the scary jokes..... arent jokes supposed to be funny not scary (interested in knowing what this is)

OOOOOOOOOOHHHOHHOHOOOO

The lesbianism beam is charging up.

Ok so The Scary Jokes is a band (1 transgender and a dream) who describes their sound as “indie bedroom synthpop” which means nothing because genres are fake and don’t mean anything BUT the music is very good. It’s kind of beep boopy and very gay and I really love how their voice sounds in the quite minimal production of the first 3 albums.

If you want to start with them I would recommend listening to BURN PYGMALION!!!!!! A Better Guide to Romance. Listening to albums front to back is my preferred way to listen generally but even if it’s not for you I’d highly recommend front to back because OF THE REALLY GOOD MUSICAL PACING. I will die for this album this album is my religion this album is the one album I will never stop preaching about. Its sounds fuckifn incredible and has songwriting designed to maximize the desire to be a lesbian werewolf and claw and bite into someone. It’s a narrative album about the relationship between Sylvia, an up and coming movie star, and Jeanine, a journalist who has been working to boost Sylvia’s career. They are both dealing with shit from past relationships and are insane in different ways (Jeanine is obsessed) and it all goes bad. The pov of the songs switches a lot and honestly it’s probably better if you just listen for the music and the feeling the first time through but you got me on my autism and it’s not slowing down. The tracks hop from slow and kind of angsty too teeth rottingly fluffy with a distinct feeling that everything is about to go wrong to a series of knife twists that leave me feral every time. There’s so few songs that communicate the ache, the need, the kind request to be seen and heard and the terrible hunger it hides, the tired anger, the feeling of spiraling as well as the tracks on this album.

I love the album so much and to pick favorites from it is genuinely hard. Sylvia’s just a dying is incredible, it sounds like falling through an anxiety void filled with glitter and the knife twisting lyrics being punctuated with “after all I’m just a friend” HERRREGGHGFGGGV IM CRAZY IM CRAZY. Pygmalion makes me want to tear into someone more than I already do and Starstruck is the ultimate kicking my feet and giggling I’m going to explode song. Admire the Architecture is short but it sounds so good and the lyrics are very focused on the narrative and it really draws you into the characters for the consecutive series of gut punches that is the back half of the album. No Leverage/No Pleasure oh my god oh my GOD, if you listen to nothing else listen to this PLEASE. THIS SONG IS THE HUNGER, IT IS SUCH INTENSE LOVE AND DESIRE THAT YOU ARE SO CONSUMED YOU CAN DO NOTHING BUT CONSUME. Crushed Out on Soda Beach makes me cry. It’s an apology, it’s defeat, it’s beautiful and it’s only a start but it is a start and whatever brought us here is gone. And then the floating away with Bets against the void. HHHHRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS GOOD. THE LESBAINS!!!!!!

There’s also 3 OTHER ALBUMS which are also VERY GOOD. April Fools is their most popular project (you may have heard the track Icicles from it) it is not narrative and not about a specific relationship but it’s a lot of SAPPHIC AND TRANSGENDER HARD TIMES. If you listen to it I would highly recommend the 2021 version simply because of the fuller sound and slight refinements. It is full of bangers with Blood from the Concrete, Catabolic Seed, and Night at the movies being my personal favorite. I’d highly recommend this album to anyone who likes Burn Pygmalion!!!!!! A Better Guide to Romance or people who listen to both Toby Fox and Mitski.

Bad at math is their first project and much more low key and personal. All of the songs are quite hit or miss, my personal favorites are Poison Ivy and Hold Yourself Tight. Retinal Bloom is their most recent project, it sounds good but the production kid of puts the lyrics in the background in a way I like less. It’s much more soundscape focused and does that well but it’s not my personal taste.

I have MORE INFORMATION if WANTED but I need to COLLAPSE AND SLEEP NOW GOOD NIGHT MWAH

[hollyhomburg]

I had a question that is more personal (I'll add a tw for gender here just in case) so completely ignore me if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but when/how did you know you identified as gender fluid? I feel like I've struggled with gender my whole life but I was always too embarrassed? to try to figure out my feelings. I had my kid as a teenager and I'm a mom now, there's just something that doesn't sit right in my stomach when I'm just seen as a woman. I know I'm not transgender though I have been feeling the process Tae's going through in bily very personally. Like I said, ignore me if discussing this makes you uncomfortable, I was just curious.

Much love to you for sharing your beautiful writing ❤

it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable it's just- it's not necessarily safe for me to talk about in my daily life because of my family, so i tend to leave thoughts about my gender alone and just be happy being safe even if it feels yucky.

gender is primarily to me- a private thing- but it's not necessarily secret either!

i think that like you i like always sort of knew that i was different, like obviously i wasn't experiencing my gender and femininity the way that cis women where. when i was growing up it just seemed to come so easy to them where as being a woman was harder for me- less natural. i could do all the same things that they where doing but that still didn't make me a woman.

even having a pussy felt a little- eh- i don't know- like a mistake? like if there is a god (i don't belive in god) they just flipped a coin even though a dick or a pussy wasn't really what i needed.

i don't think there was ever anything that told me "yeah you're this/that/the other thing" it was more that feeling that permeated my adolecense and adulthood than a glowing sign that said male or female.

heres what i know; cis people don't think about their gender. it's kinda the same thing with autism like- people who genuinely aren't autistic don't just think that they have autism and a good way to judge if you might need that label is looking at it closely and thinking "huh, alot of this fits, not all of it, but alot". People who are genuinely cis and not just masking don't have difficult feelings or thoughts around their gender like tae does in bily or like, you and i do about your motherhood.

to me- figuring out precisely what i am doesn't really matter- not that it shouldn't matter to you it's all up to personal enjoyment. but once i started identifying irregardless of my gender (i went through a period of time where i had safe people not use pronouns with me, like i literally just had them call me Li), it got a lot easier to feel comfortable. I think i view myself more as Agender now.

i think one of the things that you might be struggling with is that alot of people in the trans community view being trans as a physical transition- a change from one to another, when for some people who are genderfluid or non-binary or agender or literally just queer- don't want to become either masculine or feminine. i don't want to be a man or a woman because i'm not one, i'm just me.

that was kinda rambling but! hope it helped!

[theheartbrokensystem]

GUESS WHO'S BACK? I AM! SO HERE'S A NEW REF OF LAMB FOR Y'ALL! THIS IS A LONGASS POST BTW! (MY BABY HAS A MUSTACHE NOW :D)

Lamb Begonias reference sheet (V2)

Real name: Lamb Begonias

Boxer name: “Delicate Lamb”

Nicknames: Loverboy (Disco), Honeypie (Bob), "Little Lamb" (Jana)

He/They, Transgender man, Questioning

Has Autism, Depression, and PTSD 

Age: 22

Bio parents: Havika Keomany (father) and Kalea Vongsay (mother)

Adoptive mother: Jana "Begonias" Albacete

Languages he knows: English (Primary), Spanish (Secondary), Laos, and Vietnamese (Speaks neither, but knows a bit of both.)

Voice claim: Fujin (Mortal Kombat series) voiced by Matthew Yang King

Jobs: Boxer and Sex worker

Nationality: Asian (Laos and Vietnamese)

Rank: Minor Circuit, #2

Record: 23 (Total fights), 17 (Wins), 5 (Wins by KO), 10 (Losses)

Stance: Southpaw

Height: 5'5

Weight: 139 lbs (63 kg)

Birthplace: Philadelphia, PA, USA

Birthday: February 6th, 1917

Bio: Lamb's a timid, compassionate, and easygoing man who loves socializing in contrast to his timid nature. He's always kind towards everyone, even to those who treat him horribly. But he does have a limit, and won't hesitate to be assertive. When it comes to other aspects of his life; he prefers to keep quiet about it, in fear of being ridiculed.

Likes:

Plushies

Sweets

The color pink

Cold weather

Tea

Quiet areas

The smell of essential oils

His pet Baba named "Sweetie" (seen here)

Dislikes:

Receiving physical contact w/o permission

Loud noises

Bright lights

Creeps/Pervs

Bland food (taste wise)

Strong perfume (sensory issue)

Clowns (phobia)

Paparazzi (sensory issue and they genuinely make him mad.)

Hobbies:

Drawing

Ballet

Crochet

Writing poetry

Boxer (started out as a hobby, became a job kinda.)

Heavy Metal singer

(OLD REFERENCE SHEET HERE)

{Regular moves}

Right jab: Lamb shakes his right hand before taking a jab at Little Mac.

Left jab: Lamb shakes his left hand before taking a jab at Little Mac.

Left hook: Lamb winds up his left arm counter clockwise before throwing a left hook at Little Mac.

Right hook: Lamb winds up his right arm counter clockwise before throwing a right hook at Little Mac.

Uppercut: Lamb stretches his arms before uppercutting Little Mac.

Taunt: Lamb awkwardly laughs and waves to the crowd. Then throws a left hook, right hook, and an uppercut; Little Mac can dodge all of these moves.

{Signature Moves}

Soft Flurry (Contender): Lamb takes a deep breath then unleashes slow yet powerful punches, Little Mac can dodge this move.

Wistful Fury (Title defense): Lamb sighs before unleashing all of his regular moves twice, and does two overheads at the end. Little Mac can dodge this move.

{Quotes}

When selected (Contender)

“Oh. Alright.“

“I’ll try my best.“

“It’s... my turn?“

When selected (Title Defense)

“I feel… bad about this.”

“I don’t want to do this, but I have to.”

“As you wish.“

{When attacking}

“Watch ya self!“ (Left jab)

“Try and keep up!“ (Right jab)

“C’mon! Step it up!“ (Left hook)

“C'mere!“ (Right hook)

“Gonna get cha!” (Uppercut)

{If Mac is hit}

“Did I hit too hard?”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry-”

“Sorry for hurting you!“

{If Little Mac’s attack misses}

“What?“ (Left/right jab)

“C'mon Mac, you're better than this!“ (Left hook)

“Don’t loose focus now!“ (Right hook)

“Huh?“ (Uppercut)

“What.” (Soft Flurry)

“You tried.“ (Wistful Fury)

{If Little Mac dodges}

“Good timing!“ (left/right jab)

“Great job!“ (Left/right hook)

“Smooth like butter, Mac!” (Left uppercut)

"What? How?" (Right uppercut)

Impressive, Mac!“ (Soft Flurry)

“You got a hawk’s eyes.“ (Wistful Fury)

{If hit by Little Mac}

“Good job, Mac!“

“You hit hard!“

“Caught me off guard!“

{Star Punch}

“Damn Mac!“

“That’s how you throw a punch!“

“Damn! You ain’t playing around!”

{If Star Punch is missed}

“You tried!“

“Better luck next time, Mac!“

“You lagged there, man!“

{Performing signature moves}

“Feel my flurry!“ (Soft Flurry)

“One flurry coming right up!“ (Soft Flurry)

“This will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you.“ (Wistful Fury)

“I promise I’ll make this quick.“ (Wistful Fury)

{If Little Mac is down}

“…Sorry about that Mac!“

“That look like it hurt… Ouch.“

“C’mon Mac! Up!“

“Don’t let me stop you Mac, c’mon!“

{KO/TKO Animations}

KO Animation: He slumps onto the ropes and gives Mac a thumbs up.

TKO Animation: He stumbles around before falling straight on his face.

{Victory Animations}

Contender Animation: He awkwardly laughs and stands there, while also looking back at Little Mac because he feels bad for him. 

Title Defense: He doesn’t even say anything, he just stares at a defeated Little Mac and sadly sighs with his head down.

{Punch-Out!! Theme}

Lamb’s theme would be lo-fi, to fit his timid personality.

{Intermission}

Contender

“…Good fight Mac.”

“You got guts! I like that!”

“I like a challenge!”

“Doc Louis taught you good Mac, be proud of yourself!“

Title Defense

He won’t say anything during Title Defense, cause he’s stressed out, so he’ll just snuggle Sweetie.

{Doc Louis tips}

Contender

“He throws slow but powerful punches, careful kid!”

“Lamb spaces out from time to time, use that to your advantage!”

“His ‘Soft Flurry’ ain’t soft at all, remember that Mac!”

“He may be goin’ soft on you, don’t let that stop ya though!”

“What’s that fuzzy thing? Ya know what it is Mac?”

“Lamb’s knows what’s up! I taught you good, didn’t I Mac?“

Title Defense

“Something ain’t right Mac, you probably should go easy on him?”

“Careful of his 'Wistful Fury’ kid, dodge it whenever you can!”

“They still goin’ soft on you, guessing they really don’t wanna hurt ya.”

“At least that fuzzy thing is there to help them.”

“I think he feels bad for going up against you, kid.“

Relationships with the other boxers + Doc Louis

(Sorry if the relationship chart looks weird, I tried to squeeze all of the boxers in there. - Joey)

Punch-Out!! (Wii)

Little Mac: He treats Mac like a little brother, tends to spoil him a lot.

Doc Louis: Lamb sees him as a father figure, since his bio father wasn't there for him as a kid.

Glass Joe: They're train together often, even if Lamb doesn't understand French. He tries his best to make Joe happy.

Von Kaiser: They're best friends, as they've bonded over their traumatic experiences, and helped one another; when they were at their lowest points of their life.

Disco Kid: They're dating each other, so Lamb is lovey dovey with him. Disco is open about the relationship; he's cool with PDA from Lamb and Bob.

King Hippo: Lamb treats him with high respect cause of his "King" status. Though Hippo speaks in his native tongue, Lamb is learning to understand him.

Piston Hondo: Hondo and Lamb barely talk, but respect each other enough to have each others back.

Bear Hugger: Bear treats Lamb like a son, after Don told him about Lamb's past. Bear took upon himself to be there for Lamb whenever he can.

Great Tiger: Tiger helps Lamb with his memory problems, since Lamb suffers from memory loss due to his PTSD. Lamb helps Tiger with errands in return.

Don Flamenco: Don feels bad for Lamb after finding out about Lamb's past through gossip. Which is why Don tones down his ego around Lamb; so that Lamb doesn't feel self-conscious around him.

Aran Ryan: Lamb has a love/hate with Aran cause of Aran's teasing, however Aran grew to like Lamb. After Lamb admitted to enjoying Aran's antics.

Soda Popinski: Lamb does errands for him and spoils him with free drinks. Soda does the same in return.

Bald Bull: Like Hondo, they barely talk. but respect each other enough to have each others back. Since they both hate the paparazzi.

Super Macho Man: They're friends, since Lamb sponsors Macho's stuff. But their relationship became complicated; as Macho caught feelings for Lamb. On the other hand, Lamb is aware. But prefers if they'd stay friends.

Mr. Sandman: They're friends, Sandy's unaware of Lamb's crush on him. So whenever Sandy looks at or speaks to him, Lamb gets all shy.

Punch-Out!! (SNES)

Birdie Mac: Like Mac, he also spoils Birdie and treats him like a little brother.

Gabby Jay: They're friends, Gabby gives advice to Lamb whenever he needs it.

Piston Hurricane: Piston and Lamb are friends, as they met through Lamb's other job place. Piston works as a body guard there. (Lamb's a sex worker.)

Bob Charlie: Like Disco, they're also dating. Lamb is lovey dovey with him too; Bob doesn't mind PDA from Lamb or Disco. Bob on the other hand; is quiet about the relationship, but likes dropping hints just to tease people.

Dragon Chan: They're friends, but sometimes Dragon's competitive spirit makes Lamb doubt himself a lot. In which, Dragon isn't aware of.

Masked Muscle: They barely talk, but they're chill with each other.

Heike Kagero: Lamb and him are best friends, Heike met Lamb through Disco and got along quick. Since Disco and Heike were friends before Lamb came around.

Mad Clown: Lamb stays away from him, due to his fear of clowns.

Narcis Prince: Lamb and Narcis are exes on good terms, yet Narcis misses being with him though. But he's happy for Lamb either way.

Hoy Quarlow: They have a grandfather/son relationship, Hoy spoils Lamb cause he feels guilty. As Hoy knows Lamb's bio parents and is aware that they aren't great.

Rick Bruiser: They're gym buddies who train together sometimes, nothing more than that.

Nick Bruiser: Like Narcis, they're exes on good terms too. But nobody knows how they even got together, not even Rick knows. (Forgot to add this to Lamb's relationship chart.)

What others think of him

Punch-Out!! (Wii)

Little Mac: "I like him, he's super nice."

Doc Louis: "He may be shy, but once you get to know him, he's a great guy!"

Glass Joe: "Lamb est un bon ami, il est toujours si attentionné envers tout le monde. Même si je ne comprends pas très bien l'anglais."

(Translation: "Lamb is a good friend, he's always so caring towards everyone. Even if I don't understand English that well.")

Von Kaiser: "We've bonded over our experiences with PTSD and comforts me whenever I experience an episode, I think he's a nice guy."

Disco Kid: "Lamb's sweet like honey and people immediately stick to him, that's what I love about him!"

King Hippo: "He is worthy of respect, for his compassion soothes those around him."

Piston Hondo: "I respect him and he respects me, that is all."

Bear Hugger: "He's always so friendly! How can you not like him?"

Great Tiger: "Lamb has a pure heart, people continue to wound his heart. Yet, he manages to stand strong"

Don Flamenco: "Lamb? Oh, I think he's nice. Poor boy been through a lot though."

Aran Ryan: "Lamby boy? He's a wimp, he's too nice! But a lil' kindness won't kill me though. Don't tell em' I said that!"

Soda Popinski: "Lamb's a kind lad, I like him."

Bald Bull: "He has my back, I have his."

Super Macho Man: "That Lamb dude? Oh, he's radical!"

Mr. Sandman: "Lamb's a nice guy, I don't understand why he gets all flustered around me though."

Punch-Out!! (SNES)

Birdie Mac: "Lamb always spoils me and Mac cause we're like his lil brothers, I don't mind it though."

Gabby Jay: "Lamb's a nice lad, always manages to make anyone smile."

Piston Hurricane: "He's cool, I hate how people take advantage of him for being too nice though."

Bob Charlie: "Lamb's such a sweetheart, he's always lookin' out for those he cares about."

Dragon Chan: "He may be timid, but I know he has potential in his heart."

Masked Muscle: "Lamb's a cool guy."

Heike Kagero: "He's an angel, I don't understand how some people can be so mean to him."

Mad Clown: "I get why he's scared of me? But like, Lamb bursts into tears whenever he sees me. Geez."

Narcis Prince: "Lamb's a nice fellow, but I miss what we had all those months ago..."

Hoy Quarlow: "He's a kind soul. Yet, he masks his sadness and pain."

Rick Bruiser: "He's kind of a wuss, but he means well."

Nick Bruiser: "Lamb's nice and cute."

Going into depth about Lamb's Autism, Depression and PTSD

[Lamb's Autism]

Lamb was diagnosed with Autism by the age of 4, Lamb in his childhood was selectively mute and preferred to be alone. But as he grew older he had to adapt with living with his needs not being met, so he had to leave his comfort zone a lot; such as being forced to go to places w/ bright lights and constant noise.

Lamb's stims: Flapping hands, rocking back and forth, humming, and feeling his clothes. Lamb likes: Compression, doughy textures (food), soft textures (clothing) and cold places. Lamb's triggers: Loud noises, bright lights, crowds, tight clothes, and unwanted physical touch (If you wanna hug him, ask first.) What are Lamb's meltdowns like?: Lamb cries uncontrollably, pulls his hair a lot, and hates confrontation. So he runs away to find a place to isolate himself.

[Lamb's Depression]

Lamb was diagnosed with Depression at the age of 14, after his bio mother kept complaining about his outbursts and how he always isolated himself from his parents.

What's Lamb like when depressed?: Lamb becomes numb (as in emotionally blunt kinda numb), more irritable, tends to zone out, and seems distant when people try to talk to him. When he's experiencing a depressive episode, he's in this constant state of like "the things that make him happy can't even cheer him up" kinda sad; and Lamb has no energy to do anything. Including eating and bathing, his depressive episodes can last up to 3 to 5 weeks.

[Lamb's PTSD]

Lamb was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at the age of 14, after experiencing neglect from his bio parents and an traumatic incident that happened to him when he was 7.

The cause of Lamb's PTSD: Neglect from his bio parents and the incident. What triggers his PTSD episodes?: The word "gentle" used around him w/o context. Coping mechanisms: Laughing in uncomfy situations, isolating himself, and sleeping a lot.

More info about Lamb

Lamb's presence calms animals.

He collects rocks for fun, he thinks they're neat.

Lamb likes to rearrange things by color.

He has a fascination with cheese, he knows all about cheese.

Lamb daydreams to cope with stress, besides sleeping.

He has a high pain tolerance, but has a bad immune system so he gets sick easily.

[antiradqueer]

felt like sharing our experience as an anti radqueer anti transID system who is queer, disabled (mentally & physically, although the ramble focuses more on the former) & has transspecies alters.

we talk about this semi-regularly, but we really do hate it that the term was just co-opted in an attempt to legitimize shit that genuinely sucks and is bad and weird.

like, so many of us have varying degrees of species dysphoria (not everyone who has it IDs as tspecies but all that ID as tspecies in our sys are dysphoric). most our transspecies alters have been trying to acquire various items (fursuit parts, cosplay acessories, etc) as "temporary parts", none of us really want permanent body modding despite dysphoria.

and like, these are all experiences that are legitimate and understandable, just like how all other alterhumanity/alterbeing is. sometimes brains are like this. especially disordered or neurodiverse ones. like ours is! we have a lot of mental disabilities, including a few we were born with (autism and ADHD). some of our transspeciesism is also caused by layers and layers of trauma from how we were treated as a neurodiv (& later on physically disabled) kid and later on teen and a queer one. some of our transspecies feelings just come naturally, with no given brain cause other than the dysphoria itself.

and like, you prolly have seen the discourse before. "no, trans- and dysphoria are transgender only terms" "no you're mocking trans people" "you're just trying to worm into queer spaces" etc. and obviously all of these are false. but it does still exist as a mindset in eyes of people who aren't nonhuman. and the term is somewhat obscure, with a lot of blogs that used to use it in older tumblr days being gone as far as anyone who's been involved with the alterbeing community for a loooong time is concerned.

so it really doesn't help at all that the term, which transspecies folk have to explain and defend, is being co-opted by transID/transX. because those people have bad intentions in mind, and are trying to legitimize terms for stuff that is ableist, racist, antisemitic, or otherwise harmful. they are taking a perfectly fine and harmless term and identity and attempting to claim it as a term for their community and erasing it's true history as an unafilliated to radqueer alterbeing term and experience, in an attempt to legitimize themselves. and it sucks! because for a while, and still a lot, people's first exposure to the word was their bullshit! now genuine (I do not think transID transspecies folks are faking it/aren't transspecies, it's that they're appropriators and promote harmful ideas) & good intentioned transspecies folk have another thing to have to defend, their community's and labels history and have to be very loud and overt about hating radqueers and transID all the time so people don't take them sharing their experiences the wrong way.

it really does suck. it sucks a lot (especially given we're mentally disabled and our brain freaks upon any sort of rejection). it's made the word transspecies and even more stigmatized term than before, and now we have to second guess how people will react if we casually state being transspecies. how much will they assume? how much will we have to educate and defend?

also really hatehatehate as a disabled in both physical and mental DIDsys how ableist the community is like. we love our disabled self but also it is a sign of either privilege & fetishization or a trauma or internalized ableism issue to wish you were disabled/more disabled.

thank you for sharing, and i understand where yall come from, i myself am alterhuman/otherkin/nonhuman with species dysphoria and phantom limbs and all that good stuff, i dont call myself transpecies tho as i think that label doesnt suit me but i absolutely share a ton in common with yall and other transpecies aswell as your concerns,

i dont think in the slightest that transpecies is something trying to worm into the queer community by using "trans" or "dysphoria" because those words dont belong to anyone, but however the rq use of it, especially along side the use of "queer", is absolutely trying to get into the queer community. perfect example of this is if you can think back to when everyone suddenly knew what a 'MAP' was and now suddenly theres people out there who thinks that maps are queer and lgbtq n all that.

but anyway, thank you very very much again for sharing you make some very good points

[myriadeyed]

I’m not transabled (and I am disabled) and I do feel like the thing as a whole is a huge mess of everything but… I don’t think “cisabled” implies privilege? Cisgender does because cisgender people objectively and undeniably have privilege over transgender people, but on its own “cis” means just “on this side” and “trans” on the other…

No, not inherently. At the base definition of the word. My post (which is an old one lol so, genuinely, thanks for digging that up, I've been wanting to go into more detail on it) is a response to the connotation of the word. And how it's used.

Here's the earliest in-earnest post I could find on "cisabled":

As far as I can tell, the term "transabled" was inspired by both the transgender and transspecies communities, and physical or psychological transition (I do not know how they intend to psychologically transition) is the central point. "Transabled" as a term is derivative of "transgender," and it seems to me that the coiners of the word were not aware that the trans in transgender is not short for transition, because every definition of transabled I see is centered around this transition.

With "transabled" being derivative of transgender, if you follow the line of thinking here, it's clear that "cisabled" is derivative of "cisgender." Cisgender in almost all contexts implies privilege. No matter what the root word means, or whether the coiners didn't intend it, the coining of "cisabled" implies that the cisabled group holds some privilege over the transabled group. And by including disabled people in this group, frankly, it pisses me off. (Sorry it's 4 am and I lost my train of thought a little bit there.)

OP of what I think is the coining post here describes physically disabled people as "making a choice to remain in their [disabled] body." Unless I forgot somehow, my chronic pain wasn't a choice, my autism wasn't a choice, my mental illness was not a choice, and none of them "constitute normality" in an ableist society. Ableism as a system does not differentiate between people who were born with missing limbs and people who removed them through surgery, it leaves neither with any kind of abled privilege. But that also has to mean it doesn't differentiate between a "transautistic" person, and an allistic person. Or a "transdeaf" person and a hearing person. Etc. People who identify as transabled cannot claim marginalization, they are abled in a world that wants them to be abled and celebrates them for being abled. They cannot claim oppression especially at the hands of disabled people desperately trying to hold our spaces together. I have seen people get up in arms about gatekeeping, comparing us to transmeds, comparing us to TERFs for telling them they are not disabled. All cisabled is to me is an ableist term.

I can't even respond to this properly. It makes me sick. I hope it's a troll. Gender and race are not the same thing. Gender and disability are not the same thing. The sheer lack of nuance in these communities is astounding. And the surplus of nerve is nothing short of disgusting.

For what it's worth, I'm all for bodily autonomy. I think that if a person with BIID wanted to (edit: safely!) remove one of their limbs or one of their senses, then they should. But it doesn't make me a violent transphobe to say that an abled person is not disabled, or that an allistic person can't just say they're "socially transitioning" to autistic, because disability is not the same kind of social category as gender. And neither is race, while we're at it.

Please come back and tell me if this doesn't make sense. But do it after 1 pm because I don't think I've slept in the past 24 hours. And I'm gonna go to bed now.

[silver-chasm]

A week ago, I made these icons of all my fursonas with all these pride flags (cause they're all trans lol). Two have a few extra flags/symbols on them, representing me

Two of the symbols you see here aren't lgbt ones. I'm not saying that what they represent should be part of the lgbt community, just that they're just as much a part of me as my queer identity

An explanation of who my fursonas are and what the flags are under the cut. I tried to be brief but some of these are a bit lengthy

1. Toxic Chasm

They're my main fursona (and the namesake of this blog). E is something called a Monsuno Sapien, a human mutated by alien essence (the species comes from the Monsuno series). She is me but more grounded and more at peace than what I was when I created him. Despite the grotesque and intimidating appearance, xe is compassionate and gentle. Chasm means a lot to me

The flags/symbols:

The bandana - genderqueer:

Genderqueer is a term that encompasses anyone who not only fall outside of the binary but also gender nonconforming people (those who "queer" their gender)

Chasm is genderqueer, partly because they contain the colours of the flag. Ze also challenges the idea of anthropomorphism with hir existence, much like how I seem to challenge the gender binary with my own existence

The garland - bigender

Bigender people have two genders. These two genders can be binary or nonbinary. A bigender individual may experience both of their genders simultaneously or shift between the two

In my case, I'm a man and a demiwoman at the same time ^-^

The hearts - bisexual and asexual

Bisexual is when you're sexually attracted to more than one gender. Asexual is when you don't experience sexual attraction. Asexuals may also still experience romantic attraction

Biromantic asexuals, like me, are physically unable to experience sexual attraction but are able to experience romantic attraction to more than one gender

The infinity symbol - neurodivergence

One of the non LGBT symbols. Neurodivergent people are those with neurodevelopmental conditions (such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc) and mental health conditions (such as BPD, bipolarity, OCD, etc) and similar conditions, like schizophrenia. The infinity symbol is prominently used by autistic people, representing both the diversity of autism and neurodivergence

I'm 90% sure that I'm autistic. The other 10% is my anxiety keeping me in check

2. Korong

She is the fursona who I've had the longest (and was my primary fursona before creating Chasm). They're a giant monstrous dropbear with squid tentacles coming from her back and a second mouth on their belly. She is an absolute glutton. They are also the kind of being who would gloat about her power before trying to devour you

The flags:

The bandana - demigirl

Demigirls feel a partial but not complete connection to being a girl or woman. It is a nonbinary identity

Korong represented a past version of myself. Naturally, as I realised more about myself, she would change with me. They were never really "womanly", more monstrous than anything else

The flowers - a former vore pride flag

No, you didn't misread. This is the other non-lgbt symbol. Vorarephilia (shortened to vore) is a fetish where pleasure is derived from the idea of one being eating another (eg. snake eating a mouse, a giant holding someone in their mouth, etc). It's quite broad and typically fantastical in nature. The colours you see there belonged to a flag designed by a user here on tumblr, a genuine attempt at creating a pride symbol for vorarephiles. It wasn't a flag used outside of here. The creator has since deleted the post describing the flag, almost effectively wiping it from the internet

Korong is an embodiment of my vorarephilia. Her monstrous appearance also reflects a deep-seated shame toward this part of me I've had for years (and all for what? Strange thoughts?)

When I saw that flag and what it meant, I guess it gave me permission to feel something else towards this part of me. On top of the, the creator was reblogging vore positivity posts and posts where people were using their flag and being proud

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. They showed that it's okay to be like this

Originally, I was going to draw the flag itself. I pivoted when I found that the original post (and the positivity posts) had been deleted. I drew it as hyacinths (flowers that represent grief and sincerity) because, as silly as it seems, I was dismayed that the flag and the little, safe, accepting corner of the internet had vanished. After all, what is left is a blue and purple symbol of mockery, with people disgusted that someone would think like that

I'm tired of feeling shame. As I said before, they're just strange thoughts that I cannot control. Nothing more

3. Hognose

They're a friendly Goodra, a slug dragon Pokemon. Much like the snake they're named after, Hognose has an upturned snout and a forked tongue. They're quite the skilled baker, with their favourite recipe being apple pie. They like cooking for their friends

The flag:

The bandana - agender

Agender people lack a gender, have a neutral or indefinable gender or don't identify with the concept of gender

Hognose doesn't have a gender. I forgot to give them one when creating them. Their gender expression does lean somewhat to femininity

4. Lantern

They're a baki, a goomba-like enemy from the Drawn to Life series. Technically, they've existed longer than Korong but I never considered them as a fursona. They were the mascot of my old blog thelanternwielder. They're a quiet being, tending to watch from a distance. Their eyes can cast light when its dark. They don't mind being carried by their handle (just don't swing them around too much)

The flag:

The bandana - nonbinary

Nonbinary people are those whose gender identity falls outside the man/woman binary. It's an umbrella identity, as there are many ways of not fitting in the binary

Lantern is another fursona I forgot to give a concrete gender to. And when I remembered, it didn't really make sense to gender them. They've always been a little bit unknown and mysterious, so their gender is vague and undefined to me

5. Aster

They're a fantail centipede/bee hybrid from space. Their hive lives in a moon above a resource abundant planet they collect and harvest from. Aster was one of the workers who became curious about what was beyond their planet and moon hive. So, they left and became a vagabond explorer among the stars

The flags:

On the left - agender

As it was stated, agender can mean 'genderless' and it can refer to those who don't identify with the concept of gender. Aster falls into the latter category as gender is a bizarre and foreign concept to them

On the right - intersex

Intersex people are those who were born with variation in sex characteristics that are 'atypical' from male and female sex characteristics. This can manifest in a number of ways, as sex is made up of several components. Intersex people can have any gender identity

In Aster's case, they are completely sexless. Their anatomy does not conform to the 'typical' sexes of humans (male and female). They are typical for their species, as many workers tend to be sexless

6. Hugs

He is a spotted hyena pyromancer who dances with fire. He's all about having fun and showing off his skill. He's easygoing and relaxed. His power comes from cinnabar he's imbued with

The flag:

The bandana - transgender

Being transgender is not identifying with the gender assigned to you at birth. Contrary to what some may assume, this does include nonbinary people (what do you think the white stripe in the flag represents?)

Hugs is trans guy. He's the only one here who has a binary gender

7. Alezan

He's the only child among my fursonas and the only one who was designed by someone else. They were designed by chibitacolord (here on tumblr!) He's an elfish fox child whose design is based on the raposa from Drawn to Life. Alezan mostly lives in the woods by themself, proclaiming himself to be 'the prince of the woods'. They're quite mischievous and playful. He loves flowers. They would be a florist if he was older

The flag:

The garland - genderflux

This is when the intensity of a particular gender changes. It can be considered a type of genderfluidity where the gender changes between something and nothing

Alezan is boyflux. The intensity of being a boy changes for them. Being so young, he doesn't quite have all the words to describe how he feels sometimes

8. Lasso

They're a strange being who has the body of an ox, the head of a humanoid crab and draconic wings. Their design is based on lamassu, ancient Mesopotamian guardian deities, and my Chinese and Western zodiac signs. Lasso was a being who was created at the edge of reality itself. As a result, they're incredibly inquisitive. They are also quite protective once they get attached to you

The flag:

The bandana - aitherogender

This is a xenogender. Some people feel that usual language around gender isn't able to describe the gender identity they experience, so they use metaphors to describe it. Aitherogender is an ethereal and otherworldly gender that is almost impossible to describe with written or spoken medium. It was originally intended for neurodivergent people but anyone can use the term

Given where Lasso came from, it would be likely that their gender wouldn't conform to human expectation or understanding of gender, let alone be able to be described in human language (or any language). I just thought it would be neat for them to have an otherworldly gender when they themself are otherworldly

[nonbinarychaoticstupid]

I'll Never forgive twitter who spread like wildfire that Noelle, a trans person who feels connection to shapeshifters, of being "nbphobic" because "DT is the only nb character and is morally gray and non human shapeshifter".

Oh and that them being a chameleon isn't because salamanders and chameleons are known for blending with their environment by deceiving predators, it's because Noelle wanted to make a lizard person because he hates Jews?? Sooo many goyim kept telling me this shit.

KJSHBNSKJJIDBNSJKHBNDDHBSHJSBH YEAH goyim need to shut up and let us speak for ourselves! like. we’re all entitled to our own opinions. but i REALLY don’t need someone who knows next to nothing about jews or what it’s like to be trans telling me how to feel about a character.

it’s the same thing as neurotypicals deciding they’re suddenly The Expert On Autism and writing whole threads on why s5 ep 2 is ableist and at the same time managing to imply that autistic people are stupid and can’t think for themselves and speaking directly over autistic people and treating us like we’re stupid and can’t think for ourselves and ‘don’t understand when we’re being oppressed’... hhh

twitter is a MESS tbh kjHGjHJnh like i can definitely understand why a nby person might have issues w dt (and you’re so valid btw) but i am not going to criticise or demonise a transgender person for making a character they feel is an accurate representation of their gender, or making a character something they identify with (and ngl double trouble is a pretty accurate representation of my gender, too). 

this is why i do my best to stay neutral in most fandom issues, mostly because 99% of them are fuelled by people who don’t GET to have a say in them (like the whole livestream thing being blown out of proportion specifically by white people exaggerating the issue to the point where suddenly noelle was ableist towards physically disabled people please lmk if i phrased that incorrectly /gen and nbyphobic AGAIN).

we also need to talk about the whole passive vs active thing - noelle is perfectly capable of making genuine mistakes, but they aren’t a racist, antisemitic, nbyphobic, or otherwise prejudiced person.

note: i say all of this with full understanding that people are capable having internalised prejudices towards their community (eg its fully possible to be butch and perpetuate butchphobic stereotypes, etc). but i also want to point out that in some (NOT ALL) cases, it becomes a matter of perspective. people have different viewpoints/opinions and those are all valid, unless they come from refusing to accept other people’s views/a place of prejudice. personally, i don’t have an issue with dt, but i can understand why other jews + nby people do, and i am willing to listen and give support to them, and i think their opinions are valid. 

you probably shouldn’t be having an opinion on what is nbyphobic and.or antisemitic if you aren’t trans or jewish, unless it comes from being genuinely informed on the subject and you’ve actually listened to the opinions of trans and jewish people on the topic itself. otherwise, you’re at risk of coming off as antisemitic/nbyphobic yourself. you start to prove that you prioritise being critical of the media you consume over the opinions and perspectives of real people. you also need to remember that not everyone is going to have the same opinion, and you should listen to as many different (INFORMED) takes on the topic as you can before making an informed decision on what to believe, and even then do NOT speak over the communities directly involved

this is very rambly but. tl;dr it is not your business to tell people what is/isn’t prejudiced against their community when you are not part of their community and doing so in fandom spaces can spread misinformation, which leads to people often stopping paying attention to said community and then treating them like they’re stupid and,,, h. 

it’s okay to be supportive of and help out communities but PLEASE i’m BEGGING YOU learn to let us speak for ourselves. PLEASE learn to at least wait for an actual consensus from members of the community before you start to discuss this. we’re grateful for your allyship, but you have to learn that that includes LISTENING TO US. we are not some endangered species, we aren’t stupid, we are real people who know how to recognise our own oppression.  

i have a LOT more thoughts on this but uhhh if you want to add to this/correct anything i’ve said/provide a different take/summarise this mess, go ahead!!!

[topmodelsmag]

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Supermodel Lais Ribeiro talks passion and purpose.

Embroidered dress, $13,900, and embroidered dress with swan print, $5,500, both at Burberry Luxury District; Samira hoops, $650, and Stripe ring, $200, both at Jennifer Fisher; L’Arc de Davidor ring GM with Palais diamonds, $11,050, at L’Arc de Davidor

Lais Ribeiro is one of the most hardworking models on the planet. She’s walked countless runways (Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Versace, Dolce & Gabbana, among others) and has been photographed for high-fashion glossies all over the world. But today, she’s laughing and chatting with me about her 11-year-old son Alexandre’s obsession with TikTok and her deep love of guacamole. She’s got that kind of pure and genuine energy that is infectious—the kind of energy that just makes you want to become her best friend. And after speaking with her for only a few minutes, it becomes very clear to me why her success has lasted more than a decade. Sure, she has the face and body of a goddess, but it’s her attitude of gratitude that has given her career such longevity. A lot of that, she says, she owes to becoming a mother in 2008, when she was just 18 years old. “I’m thankful that I was a mom before I started modeling,” she says. “I have so many things going on, but he makes me feel grounded and has given me a purpose in life. I’m doing this for him. I want him to be proud of me and I want to give him the best life possible.”

Tulle dress, tulle top, silk belt and wool and silk pants, all price upon request, at Louis Vuitton, Luxury District; Arya sandals, price upon request, at Giuseppe Zanotti, Luxury District; Curb Chain necklace, $17,500, at David Yurman, Bal Harbour Shops.

A year after giving birth to her son, Ribeiro was studying to become a nurse in her hometown of Miguel Alves in the northeast region of Brazil. But little did she know that her studies were about to be put on hold—indefinitely. Ribeiro was chosen by modeling scouts to walk in the Sao Paulo and Rio Fashion Week runways, and from there it was straight to New York Fashion Week. She relocated to New York City in 2009 to pursue what would become a very successful modeling career. “It was tough,” she says of being away from her son. “We spent five years separated because I was just starting out and I didn’t have the setup to have him here [in NYC], so he had to stay with my family in Brazil,” she says. “When I brought him here, it was one of the happiest days of my life.”

Pajama suit jacket, $2,290, pajama suit pants, $1,190, and sheepskin mules, $895, all at Balenciaga, Design District.

These days life is pure bliss for Ribeiro, who is in the midst of planning her upcoming nuptials to fiance and NBA baller Joakim Noah. (They’ll tie the knot in Brazil this summer. “It’ll be a party!” she promises.) But Ribeiro is also working toward a cause that’s very close to her heart. In 2013, her son was diagnosed with autism, and she’s made it her goal to use her platform to raise awareness and compassion. Because, as she tells me during our chat, her most important job is being a mother. Here, Ribeiro shares her inspiring journey to success, and how she finds balance as a supermodel and a supermom.

Mesh embroidered caftan, price upon request, at Mary Katrantzou; Bebe sandals, $995, at Giuseppe Zanotti, Brickell City Centre; Triangle earring 30, $758, by Shihara at The Webster, South Beach; Diagonal Stripe ring, $295, at Jennifer Fisher.

Tell us about your hometown of Miguel Alves in Brazil.

I am in love with Brazil. I grew up by the river. We don’t have a beach in my hometown. Still to this day I take Alexandre there. We do fires by the river, and we fish with family and my best friends who I grew up with. I try to go back twice a year.

Take us back to the beginning of your modeling career. What was your first big break?

I was going to school to be a nurse. But a friend of mine was a model and told me about a contest they were doing in Sao Paulo. I didn’t think I had a chance because in the north, the [models] were very tall and thin. I didn’t think they’d be interested in Brazilians. But my friend insisted, and then the scouters from Sao Paulo came down [to my hometown] and chose me. Everything happened really fast. I stayed in Sao Paulo for three months. It was tough, because I had already had my kid. I was about to go back home and continue school, but then Fashion Week happened in Sao Paulo and Rio in Brazil. Scouters from New York came to Sao Paulo and they liked me, so I came to New York in 2009. My first job in NYC was Fashion Week, but campaignwise, it was Gap. I remember there was a big Gap store in Union Square, and I saw my face on the windows. I would pass by all the time just to see it because I couldn’t believe it. It was pretty cool.

DNA Spiral maxi dress, $1,250, at Off-White; pumps, $970, at Bottega Veneta, Luxury District; Stripe band pinky ring, $200, and Stripe band ring, $200, both at Jennifer Fisher.

What’s it like to balance your modeling career with motherhood?

I thank God I’m traveling less now. It’s still a little complicated, but he understands that Mama is working hard for the future and he’s proud. I miss him a lot when I travel, but it’s always so good to come home to him. He’s always so happy. He’s a very special one.

You also opened up on Instagram about his autism diagnosis. April is Autism Awareness Month. How can we get involved?

I always wanted to be involved with a charity that made sense for me, and I am working with my agency to put something together to use my voice for a good cause, especially because of my son. We have to understand more of what their needs are. I have to understand more. That’s why we’re trying to put something together and work closely with a charity that brings awareness to everyone. It’s in the process.

You have more than 2 million followers on Instagram. What’s it like to share such a big moment with so many people?

It’s crazy. Technology and Instagram play a very big role in our lives, and it can be good for us to have a voice. I try to post pictures of natural moments, not only professional moments, because I want people to know me, my personality, that I have a son, that I work, that I have fun. I think it’s pretty cool that we can inspire people to do good things. But it can also consume a lot of our time, so I try to balance that.

Denim jacket, $995, and striped blouse, $2,350, both at Versace, Design District.

There are a lot of changes happening in the fashion industry since you started modeling in 2009. How do you think the industry is changing for the better?

The industry is slowly learning and changing its perspective of beauty and being more inclusive and diverse. And that makes me really happy. Before it was straightforward. It had to be one way. It’s good for people to see and relate to the people who are in the campaign. I think what’s happening now in the industry is great.

What’s been your favorite experience in your career?

It actually just happened. I filmed a reality TV show in Brazil and it’s about diversity. It’s called Born to Fashion. It’s the same concept of America’s Next Top Model, but with transgender models. It was really beautiful to learn their stories and their struggles. It’s the first TV show in Brazil that’s giving them a voice and allowing them to express themselves and open people’s minds. I’m really excited for that. It’s airing in Brazil this May.

Who is somebody who you want to work with who you haven’t collaborated with yet?

Oh my gosh—there are so many! I was never a makeup girl, but lately I’ve been getting into it. I’ve been doing makeup tutorials on YouTube. I did one recently that was a Carnival look. But during fashion shows, I would always sit in Pat McGrath’s chair and she would do makeup so well. I would love to have a collaboration with her.

Dress, $14,900, at Valentino, Design District; Berry heels, $625, by Pyer Moss x Aurora James at Pyer Moss; necklace, $6,500, at Bottega Veneta, Design District; L’Arc de Davidor ring MM with cognac lacquered ceramic, $1,800, and L’Arc de Davidor ring GM in cognac lacquered ceramic, $2,750, both at L’Arc de Davidor.

How do you prep for a big shoot?

I think being in front of the camera is something that we get used to. As a new face, you’re a little scared. You just have to find yourself—you have to find your confidence and be aware of the people around you. As a model you have to be at peace with yourself and everything else will follow. And skincare is important...

Yes, and your skin is so flawless. How can we achieve that glow?

I use cleansers because I wear a lot of makeup all the time for work. And I love Clarins Hydra-Essentiel lotion. I use it every single day, every time I’m getting out of the shower. And I do the sauna every day as well. It’s really good for the skin, and it’s good for stress and sleeping—everything. And the sun is good for the skin. Be tan!

What does your fitness routine look like?

My favorite workout is Pilates. (I do not like to run!) I love Pilates because it engages every single muscle of your body. I also lift weights here and there, and I train with my fiance. He’s pushing me. It’s been really good to see how focused he is because he’s an athlete. It excites me and I want to do the same. And I love boxing because you have to be present and you don’t think about anything else. You’re just there.

Diamante sleeveless dress, $1,790, and crystal harness, $690, both at JW Anderson; sandals, price upon request, by Kenzo at Neiman Marcus, Bal Harbour Shops; L’Arc de Davidor ring GM with cognac lacquered ceramic, $2,750, at L'Arc de Davidor; Stripe ring, $200, at Jennifer Fisher.

Speaking of your fiance, do you have a wedding date set?

Oh boy. I’ve been planning! My dream wedding will be at the beach in Brazil next summer. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and the list is just getting bigger and bigger, which scares me. We have almost everything settled now. We have friends all over the world and it’s a little hard to get everybody together, but we are working on it. But I promise you, it’ll be really fun!

What do you love to do when you’re in Miami?

Sip a margarita on the beach! I also love to get sushi at Azabu.

Your mantra for 2020?

Be present. Live in the moment because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

                                                  Lais Up Close

                          The model answers our rapid fire-questions.

The show you’re binge-watching? Grace and Frankie. They’re so funny!

Hidden talents? Volleyball. I play really well. See, I’m so humble!

Last movie that made you cry? The Joker.

What stresses you out? I’m such a Libra. I don’t like when people are unfair. I like balance and justice.

What relaxes you? Hanging out and playing with my kid.

What’s the emoji you most commonly use? The emoji that’s crying and laughing tears. Or the salsa dancer.

What’s the weirdest app that you have on your phone? My son has so many apps on my phone, it’s crazy. He’s obsessed with TikTok. It’s very creative.

First thing you thought when your alarm went off this morning? I was thinking that my trainer told me to wake up too early and I was a little bit mad at him!

Celeb crush? My fiance. I’m an engaged woman! What are you trying to do?

Cheat meal? French fries. Pizza. Pasta. And guacamole! If I see it, it’s gone. I can’t resist guacamole.

Dress with sequin top and contrast embroidered fringes, $11,000, Gucci, Design District

[noahsenpai]

an honest review of a website i found. parents of trans kids, don’t use it as a resource!

ok so idk if y’all have heard of this website but i was doing some research on gender dysphoria tonight and i came across a website called parentsofrogdkids.com??? and i was looking around on their website and like...holy shit it hurt my head (if you decide to click read more, just know that all of this is my own observations from the site and my opinions and you’re more than welcome to leave feedback, idk i might get hate for this lets see)

here’s some things i found on the site that i find iffy:

-ppl who transition are more likely to experience dysphoria and be less happy than before they transitioned (how does this even make sense??? statistics please, that is, if they exist) -ppl who transition “gain popularity and attention” so that’s why they do it -gender dysphoria is DIRECTLY CAUSED by other things such as depression, anxiety, adhd, autism, bipolar disorder, body dysmorphia, borderline personality disorder, etc. and HAS A VERY SMALL CHANCE OF ACTUALLY BEING RELATED TO BEING TRANSGENDER AND WANTING TO IDENTIFY WITH OPPRESSED GROUPS AND REJECTING PRIVILEGE (this is a fucking terf argument if ive ever seen one) -calls trans people “transgenders” (oh please you’re not fucking helping susan) -IM BEING OPPRESSED BECAUSE IM SPREADING MISINFORMATION AND BIASED IDEAS THAT I GENUINELY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT (just look under the “our stories” tab but warning that you might lose all your brain cells) -ppl identify as trans only because they are being “swayed by the media” and genuinely being introduced to gender expression and identity (as they say, through the gender unicorn) and letting them know that it’s okay to explore things about themselves, oh no!! -taking a child out of a home is more damaging than leaving them with people who psychologically and emotionally (maybe even physically) abuse them and not listen to them when they tell them how they feel and tell them they’re wrong about themselves because “their parents have good intentions and just want the best for their kids and abusing their children is another way to tell them they love them” -being trans is “lying to themselves” and their “biological gender” (u mean sex sweetie there’s a difference, like most doctors agree that sex and gender are two different things but you still have the audacity to say “tHeReS nO rEsEaRcH oR eViDeNcE !!!”) -ALL VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT ARE TRANSGENDER AND WANT TO TRANSITION AND IDENTIFYING AS ANOTHER GENDER THAN THE ONE ASSIGNED AT BIRTH IS A SIGN OF “PSYCHOLOGICAL DYSFUNCTION” AND/OR REPRESSION OF ANOTHER ISSUE -so yeah they’re basically saying that being transgender isn’t real. = TERF WEBSITE.

also it says a lot of stuff about the gender affirmative model which i don’t know that much about so can someone pls explain this to me so i can formulate an opinion??

basically that’s all i have to say, and at the end of the day idk, if you decide to visit the website and have a look around pls lmk what you think!! my experience says its just a terf website (with that being said, don’t rely on this site for anything factual or worth relying on) but again idk, i’d love to hear your opinions!! so yeah, sorry for all the bullshit, rant over.