#like this happens SO OFTEN you canNOT still find it this unexpected???

[thedreadvampy]

like clockwork someone who's been openly a sex pest for decades gets named as a rapist and sexual predator and we all get to play the hit parade with such classics as:

oh my god oh my god did you know this industry full of rich people who are rewarded for exploitative and abusive behaviour...has an issue with rape and abuse??? CAN YOU BELIEVE THERE'S ABUSE IN THIS INDUSTRY???? (yeah man we know. we've known for quite a while actually. for longer than I've been alive for sure.)

oh my god I can't believe there are rapists among us (1 in 3 women have experienced rape, who do you think is doing it?)

but he seemed so nice! (not really tbh)

well I met him and he never raped me and like, I'm really hot so if he was really a rapist he would have (Jesus fuck get help)

is it really rape to fuck 16 year old girls when you're in your 30s? (yeah it is if you fucking rape them mate)

can't believe everyone knew but never said!!! (they literally did say and also hey imagine if you will what reasons there might be too not say anything, such as, say, it's not your story to tell and the victim had expressed a wish to not be at the centre of a whole shitstorm)

Real Victims wouldn't go to journalists they'd go to the cops!!! (hey guys I have some upsetting news about the experience of reporting rape to the cops)

This is a conspiracy to make this irrelevant celebrity look bad! (please touch grass)

it's all just a bit of fun innit (no)

and every time we all over again have to go to this place where rape is simultaneously a significant threat and common experience (agreed) but also everyone who's ever talked about being raped is lying, and nobody's ever done a rape even if there's 20 years of documented evidence and on camera confessions and also their whole public persona is 'cheeky sex pest' (fucking. what?)

and then that guy hopefully gets cancelled and people feel a bit more guilty about watching him. and then they'll go HOORAY THE EVIL IS DEFEATED WE HAVE GOT RID OF THAT GUY THAT DID THE RAPES. OUR WORK HERE IS DONE. COMEDY/FILM/MUSIC/TV IS FREE OF PREDATORS NOW

and then 6.5 seconds later allegations will come out about someone else and we will start the whole thing again from scratch OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE THERE'S ABUSE IN THIS INDUSTRY???

[robertpattersonsleftcoochieflap]

FTM!Wanderer x Reader

Unexpected treats are the best kind of treats~

Wanderer x Reader

Contents: ftm!wanderer, eating out, fingering, wanderers god complex comes out.

Summary: Reader and wanderer are getting frisky but reader realises that something is not quite right and investigates (with their mouth)

Authors note: I've been a trans scara truther since day 1 and cannot handle the lack of content for my boy. Like, damn. Can a bitch not eat any boy pussy around here.

It was often that Wanderer and (Y/n) would meet up like this, now. Whether it be in an old storage closet or an empty office - they'd always end up in the same position. (Y/n) kneeling on the floor between Wanderer's legs, worshipping him in his most intimate places.

They could still remember the first time it happened.

(Y/n) and the famed Wanderer had always had this thing going on between them. They'd bicker constantly. It was almost an unspoken competition on who could annoy the other first.

This time, they were stuck together in the empty academia library. Sticking the new order of books on the shelves. It was late on a Friday, and all the academia students were out for the weekend. Yet the library was anything but silent.

"Will you shut up and do your job, unsightly worm." Wanderer snarked, purposely hitting (Y/n) in the face with his long sleeves as he flew past to place the next stack of books.

(Y/n) snorted.

"Y'know, for someone so short you do have a large temper," (y/n) smirked - they knew the subject of height was touchy for her coworker, "It's truly impressive how you fit all of it in one body... along with your huge ego."

Wanderer flew past again, shoving into them once again.

"It's a wonder how you keep that ugly, fat head of yours on your shoulders." The temperament blue boy sniped back, this time staying next to (Y/n) to stack books on the shelf beside them.

"Wow is that really the best you've got." (Y/n) faced him, crossing their arms over their chest.

Wanderer's perfect lips curled into a scowl.

"I have nothing else to say to pathetic losers like you."

(Y/n)'s face soured, "HEY. Don't. Be. Such. An. Asshole." They poked at Wanderer's chest between every word.

The Wanderer bared his teeth at them, roughly slapping away their hand.

The pair stopped and stared each other down like a pair of feral dogs. The tension was thick.

(Y/n) struck again, poking Wanderer's hard chest with more force.

Wanderer repeated his previous action.

They repeat a few more times, each action getting rougher, until they eventually escalate to shoving each other around the library.

(Y/n) gasped as their back hit the shelve, their chest heaving. Their hands still gripping tightly at the front of her assailants' clothes.

Wanderer glared deeply into (Y/n)'s eyes. The tension thick enough to cut with a claymore.

(Y/n) once again made the first move, roughly pulling the shorter man in and kissing him. The response was immediate. Quickly becoming another battle for dominance between them.

All the months of built-up frustration between them finally being released.

(Y/n) bucked their hips into his. Their tongues and teeth clashing together. Neither of them seemed to care though. Wanderer's delicate hands gripped (Y/n)'s waist, matching the rhythm of their hips.

They continued like this for a while, their hands groping and fondling each other, until finally (Y/n)'s hand trailed down to his crotch.

Their hand fumbled around the front of his pants, feeling around for the expected hardness. Only to realise they couldn't find it. (Y/n)'s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, still not breaking the kiss.

Is he not into it? They stressed in their mind.

Wanderer broke the kiss, his lips moving down (Y/n)'s neck, where he nipped and sucked. The recipient moved their neck, giving him more room for him, moaning at his actions.

(Y/n)'s eyes fluttered at the feeling, their anxiety washing away. He wouldn't be this into it if he didn't want me, right? Maybe his pants are too thick. They resumed fumbling with his pants, their hands unbuttoning them and weaseling in, continuing to rub around.

The man groaned into their neck, humping the hand between his legs. He was not used to this feeling.

(Y/n)'s eyebrows furrowed in concentration, continuing to search his pants for something that was apparently not there.

He's gotta be into it? Maybe he's just small-- Their finger made contact with the wet patch in his underwear. Oh.

OHHH.

It finally clicked.

They knew what they had to do now.

(Y/n)'s free hand came up and pulled the blue haired man away from their neck and resumed their kissing. Carefully navigating him backwards until he hit a desk.

Wanderer grunted at the movement.

(Y/n) pulled their other hand out of his pants and worked on pulling them down. Once his pants were down they moved back to look Wanderer in the eyes. The mans eyes snapped open and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Is this alri-" (Y/n) was cut off.

"Did I say stop, worm." The blue haired brat snarked.

(Y/n) blinked. "I wanted to ask can I-" They were cut off again.

"Yes. Now hurry up." Wanderer gripped the back of (Y/n)'s hair and brought them back into an impatient kiss.

Damn bitch, okay. (Y/n) mentally rolled their eyes at his behaviour. What did they expect. They pull away from his soft lips and start kissing down his neck. Making their way down to the waistline of his breifs.

Wanderer looks down at (Y/n) kneeling between his legs and he swears his nonexistent heart started thumping. He felt like he was being worshipped. Like a god.

(Y/n) stared deeply into Wanderers eyes, their fingers curling into the waistband of his underwear, before pulling them down. Exposing him.

The mans eyes widened in surprise and a ferocious blush bled onto his cheeks. His mechanical pump working overtime to push blood around his body.

"Wh- what the hell are you-" Wanderer was cut off abruptly and gasped.

(Y/n)'s tongue delved deeply into the wet heat between his legs. Groaning loudly at the taste. Their nose buried in the neat tuft of blue hair above his slit.

Wanderer's legs almost give out, causing him to prop hiself onto the table. (Y/n) took the opportunity to hike one of his legs over their shoulder, spreading him wider.

(Y/n) ate him out like it was their last meal, savouring every flick of their tongue. Their hand gripping the leg on their shoulder. Their free hand trailing up and sliding into Wanderers weeping hole.

Wanderer's hand flew up and gripped (Y/n)'s hair, his head falling back. His thighs trembled around their head. He had definitely never felt anything like this before. He felt like his artificial nerves were on fire.

A broken noise came from his throat.

(Y/n) sped their fingers up, curling them and latched onto his clit, suckling on it. The thighs around their head shook violently ans the fingers against their scalp tightened.

Wanderer felt something inside him tighten, then break. He let out an almost primal noise as he gripped (Y/n)'s head with both hands, holding them tighter against him as he rode their face.

(Y/n) let him ride out his orgasm on their face, his juices dripping down their chin and hand. It had a slight buzz to it, tingling on their tongue. It was addictive. They pulled their fingers out of Wanderer and gave him one last lick before standing up and taking his head onto their shoulder.

Wanderer leant his weight onto (Y/n) as he came back to his senses. They stayed like that for a few minutes before he sat back up and stared deeply into (Y/n)'s eyes, a lazy smirk rising on his face.

"Again."

Extra:

"EH?! WHERE DID THIS STORM COME FROM?! HURRY UP AND GET MY KEYS OUT ALHAITHAM MY HAIR IS GONNA BE RUINED!"

Me trying to convince you all that wanderer is trans.

[divinesolas]

Flowers | The Series | Chapter 17 | Surprise!

Summary: You receive even more unexpected visitors and receive some upsetting news that you are not looking forward to.

Jacaerys Velaryon x Dunn!Reader

a.n: GOD SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT !!! i really appreciate all the comments and promise to get around to responding to any ive missed !! hoping to have this story done by the end of the month <3 im already working on the next one as i write so dont worry about another long wait i swear.

series masterlist

taglist ! (open)

@newestobsessionishere @alexa554 @th3b4tm4n @hazzapotter @claire-loves-music @tssf-imagines @melsunshine @majoso12 @brain-empty-only-draken @urmomsgirlfriend1 @emmalvei-blog

You had thought that would be the most exciting thing to happen, Joffrey would stay for awhile before he returned to his duties in the eyrie and then everything would go back to the sort of normalcy you had before.

Yet your parents received a raven that had your stomach turning inside out. “We are to go to the Highgarden's to welcome prince Jacaerys and his soon to be wife lady Cassandra Baratheon for their engagement tour, Highgarden is apparently the first stop.” Your father ripped the letter for your mothers hands and skimmed it over himself, “They are asking all the families to arrive and bring an engagement gift? this is ridiculous!” Dorothy, the head maid of the house scoff as she placed a plate of food on the table. “The nerve of them.”

You have lost all your appetite.

you measly push around the food on your plate while everyone around you erupts into boisterous chatter. "after that man publicly humiliated my daughter? they dare ask this of us? the nerve!" "maybe she could fake illness and wont have to attend the festivities?" "i can already see their snug faces as they look upon her ugh i refuse to attend such an ordeal."

When your hands slam on the table all chatter seizes and all eyes turn to you where you keep your head down towards the table. wordlessly you walk out the hall and the others in the room look at each other concerned.

you find yourself mindlessly walking through the fields as you attempt to catch your breath. it is fine. you were simply not chosen that is all. and now he wants you to attend his stupid engagement tour? for an engagement to a women that is not you? you fall on your back and stare at the sky in disbelief. this was ridiculous almost outright shameless to point you cannot believe it was his idea. Cassandra never did like you maybe this was her way of trying to stick it to you and laugh in your face.

your face grows sour at the idea of having to watch her snarkily brag with jacaerys on her arm you were going to be sick.

You had thought you were finally making progress moving pass your feelings for the prince but if anything they have only gotten worse. you think of him far too often these days especially with joffrey and trisk here. a part of you wonder if he thinks of you too. its a foolish thought, he had made his choice and there was nothing else to do but to live with it and move on.

You close your eyes and fall into a light sleep unable to continue thinking in reality and far more interested in living in dream land where he laid with you as well. hes there waiting for you, the familiar flower fields of your homeland being a comforting sight and with him sitting there you fell all the more better. He strokes your cheek gently when you open your eyes to greet him, a comforting smile on his face. “my love.” your eyes fall closed as you grab his hand and press it closer to your skin. “wont you look at me?”

Harshly you shake your head, though the limbo you meet him in is merely a dream the pain of reality still stings at your skin. “you will not even allow me to hear your voice my love?” you squeeze your eyes shut as he caresses your face. “it hurts.” his other hand comes up and plays with your hair, “its alright my love just look at me.” you fight with yourself for a few moments before your eyes flutter open and your heart aches. He looks as beautiful as ever, smiling down at you with moon crested eyes.

“there you are.” you hate the way a smile creeps up on your face and you especially hate the way his grin grows at that. “i hate to see you so upset.” this has you huffing and you try to sit uo but he keeps you firmly in his lap. “you have no right to say that to me.” his face falls and he cups your cheek as you turn your head away from him. “im sorry.” “then why did you do it?” your fictional prince has no response and thats because you have no clue as well.

as if he is a brush of air he disappears as you willed him to and sit up with your head in your hands. he had basically told you he wanted to marry you, scared off any other suitors you could have had gods you were even in a courtship before he wormed his way in and for what? nothing.

You force your eyes open and suddenly you are right back to reality where you huff as you shakily stand taking a deep breath as you realize the sun is much higher in the sky. how long had you been out here? you decide you should head inside before you freeze at the silence around you.

the fields especially this time of year are bursting with people tending to the flowers for the seasons prep but you can’t see a single soul out there. You wonder where everyone could have gone, maybe you are still dreaming. you walk back towards the castle once taking one last final look around before heading inside and you pause.

now you know this must be a dream because why would three dragons be sitting on one of the empty fields not too far from your home. you must be seeing things.

Yet when you walk into the hall you quickly realize you are not making things up or seeing things as when you pinch your arm the group of three stands before you and you feel your stomach plummet. “just the lady we wished to see.”

you find yourself bowing as your mind races trying to understand what was going on, “my princes, princess.” “just the lady i was looking to see!” “you honor me my prince.” lucerys eagerly walks over to you and grips your hands in his. “i have missed you. things ive been grim without you.” Despite how confused you are by his presence or even his words you force out a smile, “You honor me.”

You have no clue what else to say or what else to do. Every single pair of eyes in the room are looking upon you and you look down at your hands as you mind tries to make sense of this mess. thankfully aemond grips lucerys back and tugs him away from you. “he is as eager as always do not mind him lady dunn.” You’re more than thankful for the saving, you weakly grin at him as you still try to make sense that members of the royal family now stand in your familys main hall.

your eyes drift towards your parents who seem just as bewildered and lost as you are. You use the opportunity of lucerys and aemond bickering with one another to slip around them to go stand next to your parents who urge you next to them. “what is happening?” Your mother tilts her head down towards your ear and your eyes widen in horror at her words.

—

jacaerys realizes his life ie much quieter today. As he roams around the halls he feels as though he is missing something but he has no clue what. He’s done all his studying, hes sat through the unbearable meeting with cassandra and his mother about the wedding preparations, he did his afternoon training what was missing?

He tried not to think about most things these days. Simply allowing life to pass around him while he keeps a mundane routine but today was truly throwing him off. When he walks into one of the common rooms he stops before cassandra and aegon who seem to be chatting about something at the table but the two stop when jacaery approaches, cassandra even looks embarrassed that jace had walked in on them but he does not acknowledge it. “my sweet nephew! finally done being broody today?”

He rolls his eyes, why does he even bother but as he turns to walk away he freezes and turns back around. “Where is everyone else?” Normally the rest of his siblings and lucerys would all be sitting around with him but only cassandra is there awkward sipping at her chalice full of what he only hopes to be tea.

Aegons grin turns sinister and jacaerys feels a pit of dread grow in his stomach. “oh did you not hear? they left to the reach just this morning. you know, for your tour.” Jacaerys stares in confusion as aegon takes a happy chug from his wine. “the engagement tour.” “i know the tour you speak of.” Aegons chuckles fill the room as cassandra looks back and forth between the two men. “why ever would they leave now? the tyrells are no where near ready to host.”

“oh no. theyre not staying with the tyrells.” jacaerys head turns in confusion while aegon only seems to be happier the more and more this conversation goes on. “did they not tell you? the dunn’s will be hosting them for our stay in the reach. Theyve gone to go hang out with our good friend lady y/n.”

Aegon cannot stop the roar of laughter that bubbles up in his throat at his own words and he folds over in his own fit of laughter. Cassandra looks bewildered by this news and sits up straight. “house dunn? truly? i thought flower hall was a rather, small place.”

Her real feelings about the matter and the state of house dunn and its hall very clear in her expression and tone. She looks over at jacaerys too worried about his reaction to only see a blank look on his face as he looks upon the two of them. Jacaerys rapidly blinks for a moment before he slowly opens his mouth. “how pleasant.” after which he spins on his heel and walks out the room swiftly.

Aegon pouts as he watches jacaerys leave, clearly he had been hoping for a better reaction out of the crowned prince. aegon however turns back towards cassandra with a smirk. “bah who cares about all that though right? lets go back to what we were talking about.” A blush creeps up on her face as aegon leans towards her the conversation they had just had with jacaerys already gone from her mind.

[pookie-mulder]

June 2024 fic roundup

Here are my favorite June reads:

👶📝 Of Our Own Making by @television-overload

I totally forgot to put this on last month’s list! I absolutely loved reading each new chapter every morning at work. I can’t not read a marriage of convenience fic, especially when there’s a baby involved.

💌🦃 Small Lives Awake by Jesemie’s Evil Twin

You know when you read something so sweet, so pure, that you feel like it breaks your heart in the best way? That’s this fic. It’s incredibly fluffy without being cheesy, and the writing style is so elegant.

🏝️👨‍👩‍👦 The Eden Series by Jacque LaVa

Was this the best fic I’ve ever read? No. Was everyone OOC? Definitely. Did I still enjoy it? You bet. I cannot resist the siren call of a survival fic, an amnesia fic, or a kidfic, and this had all three.

👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️ The Marriage Spectacular by @cecilysass

I’ve never met a cecilysass fic I didn’t like, and this was no exception. Fake relationship my beloved! Only one bed my beloved! Mulder and Scully being idiots in love my beloved! Absolutely delightful. 10/10, no notes.

🌀☔️ Hurricane Season by beduini & rah

This fic perfectly captures M&S’s “we’re completely and utterly devoted to each other and literal soulmates yet we still doubt our place in each other’s lives and we never actually talk about it” dynamic that we know and love. It takes place when William is a few months old and they’re still trying to define their relationship. I loved it SO MUCH!

(hmu for an epub — the chapters are long, which makes it easy to lose your place if you don’t finish the chapter in one sitting)

❄️✈️ WHITEOUT by EvanBlack

A classic “Mulder and Scully get in a plane crash and have to survive until help arrives” story. (You all know by now how much I love a survival fic!)

I absolutely adored the dynamic between them in this one. They’re down SO bad for each other, and it shows. I especially loved the beginning when they’re both wishing they were sitting next to each other so they could hold hands. That’s the good stuff right there!

🛁🧪 Antidote by Rachel Howard and Karen Rasch

Mulder and Scully investigate an unknown contagion in a remote town. You can probably guess what happens from there.

This was the perfect road trip read! Engaging and exciting without being too plot-heavy.

🤰👶 40 Weeks by @malibusunset-xf-blog

What if the IVF worked?

The most delectable pregnancy fluff with a dash of smut and a healthy serving of Mulder and Scully figuring out their relationship.

🪶🐎 Omens by @lepusarticus

I cannot say enough good things about this fic. It’s definitely a new addition to the Holy Grail list.

It’s a casefic, but it doesn’t feel like a casefic…more like an exploration of magic and family and love. With its spooky small-town gothic vibe and emphasis on powerful women and strange houses and ancient magic, it reminds me a lot of my favorite book series, The Raven Cycle. (If you liked this fic, you should go read TRC!)

This fic has layers and nuance and themes and motifs and gorgeous metaphors and one incredibly hot scene that ticked all my boxes. Even the OCs are rich and compelling. I would read a whole series set in this universe!

💥🚗 Goshen by Bonetree

Emily angst plus survival plus tending to each other’s injuries plus hurt/comfort? Yes please! I love it when I find a fic that seems to be created in a lab just for me.

(After reading the summaries of the following installments, I’m not quite sure if they’re really my thing. Has anyone read the rest of the series? Did you like it?)

👦🏻🦊 A Boy and His Fox by 6hoursgirl

Mulder and Scully “platonically” coparent their son. Mulder learns what it means to be a dad. Pure, unadulterated fluff! If you like kidfics, this one is a must-read.

📚👩‍⚕️ Heuvelmans’ On the Track by The_Mythopeodic

This fic is a fandom classic, and I can definitely see why. The author uses language in unexpected and interesting ways, which is not something you see very often in fic.

I tend to go for “popcorn” fics that are addictive and easy to binge. This one is more like a hearty slab of meat. Both types are good in their own way, but this fic made me work for it.

Anyway, I got a bit frustrated with myself around the halfway mark and kept having to reread passages a few times to truly understand what’s going on. I lamented that I needed a reading guide like they used to give you in English class.

After putting it aside for a few days, I came back and DEVOURED the second half. I don’t want to spoil anything, but if you’ve read it, you know what I’m talking about. I loooooved seeing Scully be resourceful and scrappy and capable, and the epilogue is incredible. I’m glad I pushed through!

🪡🌨️ Skamania County by Sarie_Fairy

This is actually the second time I’ve read this one, which I didn’t realize until near the end when I tried to leave kudos, haha. Anyway, I loved it both times! It has everything that makes survival fics so enticing: a nice trip to the woods that quickly goes wrong, one person hiding their life-threatening injury from the other, the intimacy of tending to their wounds, cuddling (naked) for warmth, and finally resolving that UST. Chef’s kiss!

🧙‍♀️🔭 The Mars Differential by @asteraceae-blue

This one is a WIP, and I cannot wait for the rest! It’s an intriguing casefile with plenty of msr.

I also read a bunch of @o6666666’s fics thanks to this masterlist that made its way around recently!

They are the master of writing fic that hurts so good. This IVF arc one might be my favorite, along with this season 9 one that squeezed my heart like a stress ball.

[blackjackkent]

"I never thought I'd say this, but I need your advice."

Any BG3 character of your choice to Minsc, just for fun, haha

(Sentence starter meme)

Ahhhh this was fun. :D I'm not entirely sure this turned out my best work, but I do love Minsc muchly and it was definitely fun to bounce two characters off each other that I don't normally. ^_^

TY for the prompt!

---

"I never thought I would say this. But I would welcome your advice."

Minsc looks up as a lithe, stringy shadow falls across the light from the campfire. The interruption is unexpected but not surprising; he has been deep in a conversation with Boo, and he finds quite often that those around him see fit to interrupt such conversations as if they were not happening. For a time it bothered him, but Boo has reassured him that there is no offense to be taken. Boo will always be there, after all; all others in Minsc’s life ebb and flow with the tides of victory and tragedy.

So he tucks the hamster with practiced ease into his pocket and smiles genially at the githyanki warrior standing outside his tent. “Then it you shall have! What may Minsc of Rashemen do for Lae’zel of Creche K’liir?”

Lae’zel shifts uneasily from foot to foot. Her cat’s-pupil eyes are narrowed as if in wariness, though Minsc cannot fathom why. He has fought many gith in their raids upon his homeland, but he has never - that he can recall - shown threat to Lae’zel here in Baldur’s Gate.

“What troubles you?” he asks, his tone lowering in volume slightly. “If it has a butt that may be kicked, Minsc and Boo shall remove it from your sight!”

“Chk.” The young warrior flinches defensively. “You suggest I cannot fight my own battles?”

“By no means!” Minsc smiles widely. “Minsc has seen too many githyanki blades piercing unwary bellies to believe so! But Minsc and Boo never saw a righteous battle to which we could not add a blow in service. You have only to point the way.”

“It is not battle for which I require you, berserker,” she says, staring with distinct interest at the cobblestone next to his boot.

He tips his head slowly to one side. “For what, then?” he asks agreeably.

There’s a short pause. “You are from Rashemen,” Lae’zel says quietly. “You have traveled far from the place you would call home. You have seen loss as much as you have seen victory. Yet you thrive among strangers and show no fear of failure or of mockery. You are… joyful.”

Minsc nods vigorously. “All of these things are true, yes!”

A muscle works sharply in Lae’zel’s jaw. “I would know by what secret you manage it,” she says gruffly, and drops into a sitting position opposite him in a single motion, her legs crossed. “For I am also far from home. And each day I feel farther still.”

“Ahhh… I can understand this.” Minsc’s smile fades and he nods gravely. “However far Minsc has traveled from Rashemen, Lae’zel has surely traveled farther from the rocks of wildspace.”

“Yes.” 

He considers her for a moment thoughtfully. “But what tongue would dare to mock you? Minsc has seen Lae’zel fight. The ferocity of at least ten hamsters. No, twenty!”

In spite of herself, Lae’zel’s lips twitch with a flash of amusement. “This is a compliment, among the Rashemaar?”

“It is a fact only,” Minsc says gravely. “Boo confirms it.”

“Indeed.” She does not fidget, but Minsc can tell by her intense stillness that she would like to, and she still does not quite meet his eyes. “There is much in which I have failed.” She admits it flatly, like a soldier at attention reciting a patrol report. “My former goddess seeks my head. I once thought to ride a red dragon through the Astral, and instead I crawl upon Toril’s face like a broken beast.” A slight pause. “And we seek a monster even among ghaik, the creature of ultimate nightmare, my people’s greatest enemy. We hunt ghaik at the expense of all other endeavors, yet in my first hunt I shamed myself twice over in failure and capture. Meanwhile, the people of this realm cannot comprehend true githyanki majesty; they look upon me and see a brute animal, alien and vicious.”

Her lips draw in a tight line. “To fear such things is shameful. It serves no purpose. Ch’ka m’vakoth sta’leth - ‘where faith goes, fear stands aside.’ But my faith falters, and so I feel it. I know my own weakness, my own strangeness in this place. So I would know your secret, istik, that you stand among strangers, and bear the worm’s curse and the mocking of weaker folk, and laugh.”

Minsc clicks his tongue thoughtfully, and within his pocket Boo gives a loud squeak of dismay. Neither of them knows Lae'zel very well - and indeed this is probably why she speaks with such candor to him - but Boo's endless compassion is roused on the gith's behalf, and Minsc shares it. She is young; she does not yet know how to carry all the conflicting feelings within her, while Minsc is an old hand at the maelstrom. 

He thinks for quite a long time in silence before he decides how to answer. Lae’zel waits in patient stillness, like a spring coiled back on itself, unsprung. Her eyes glint in the flickering firelight. 

“Minsc has often been told,” Minsc says gravely after a while, “that his mind is as full of holes as the cheese within his pack. But his eyes have no holes and and his ears only two, and they see and hear much. And true it is that at times there is mocking at Minsc’s expense. But Minsc has found it is not all alike.”

He begins to tick off on his fingers. “There is the mocking that is true and right, where Minsc has failed. In these things Minsc mocks himself as well - to have fallen thrall to the worm and seen his mind made not his own. To have seen friends fall while he could not save them. These are fearful matters, and as when Boo encounters a hungry cat on a dark night, there is no shame in feeling all the fur stand up. In these things, Minsc thinks there are matters to be learned within the story of his failure, and so he sifts about for those good bits among the rotten and counts them a blessing.”

He tips his head pensively to one side. “Then there is the mocking of evil tongues. Those who taunt so as to distract Minsc’s boot from their buttocks.” His lips curl in a tight, feral smile. “These bear no thinking of at all, except for the thinking that chooses where my blade might slice them.” 

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and the smile fades again. “Then there is the mocking which is foolish, cruelty without cause. Those who decry Boo as no more than a common hamster, and Minsc as a mad mongrel to be kicked about. This is the sort you mean, I think.” He waits for her to nod before he goes on. “Minsc has traveled many leagues from Rashemen, and in that time he has learned much. And one thing he has learned is that not all those who speak are worthy of the hearing. So Minsc stays among those who would value him, and kicks off those who would not as he would kick dust from his boot.”

“A thing easily said and less easily done,” Lae’zel says bitterly. “In K’liir, one is not afforded such choice. The eyes of judgment are always watching, and they suffer no failure.”

“But we are not in K’liir,” Minsc says brightly. “And so Lae’zel may choose which of her failings are worthy of scorn, and need not suffer the opinions of rude strangers whose tongues would prattle foolishness. Or - if they are not strangers, she will tell Minsc, and Minsc and Boo will see to it the rudeness is well thrashed out of itself.”

She says nothing for a long moment, but he can see the wiry, tight muscle of her shoulders start to relax slowly. “Hardly spoken like a sage,” she murmurs dryly. “And yet well-spoken in its own way.” 

She lets out a slow, heavy breath. “In truth it is not any current mockery that troubles me,” she adds in an undertone, “but the fear of it in the future. Of being found wanting, when all is said and done, by those whose opinions mean most. Among the githyanki, the weak are culled out, dishonored, sometimes killed. I would not…” 

She trails off and makes a noise of frustration as she struggles to find the words that express what is in her mind. “My people and my goddess are behind me now, and that is a shame I carry, but there are others I would still not wish to fail.”

Minsc nods. “Your people hone themselves to a sharp point, and perhaps their cruelty is worth its cost where they travel among the stars,” he says. “But where we stand upon the ground, there is no call for such culling. If it brings you comfort, you may look upon Jaheira - for she has found Minsc wanting many a time, and has told him so in full voice, but always with friendship, and always remaining by his side.”

Lae’zel lifts her head and looks at him fully for the first time, and chews the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. This, it seems, might be a new concept to her - that her failure could be censured and forgiven in the same breath. “That is some comfort, yes,” she says, with uncharacteristic softness. “I thank you.”

“No thanks is necessary,” Minsc booms cheerfully. There’s another soft squeak from his pocket, and he nods. “Only Boo asks that should you ever travel again into the skies, that you keep your eyes widened in search of another such as he. Surely you, of all our comrades, might have heard tell of other such miniature giant space hamsters, and Boo has sought a mate for many a long year.”

Lae’zel actually laughs softly. “You may tell your hamster I have heard no such tales - but in return for your counsel I shall report any I might find, and we shall consider it an even trade.”

[sheafrotherdon]

for @werebearbearbar

*

When Yusuf returns to their room with his tunic bloodied, Nicolo stills, prepared for the dozen or more eventualities that might spin out from such misfortune. He is relieved that Yusuf has come back—the truce between them is so fragile that he is often gripped by the worry that Yusuf might yet leave—but relief wars with frustration at how rash Yusuf can be, how often he finds himself at the wrong end of a blade. He looks Yusuf over from head to toe, rapidly assesses his healing, and then drags his gaze back to Yusuf’s face, to the expression of defeat he wears.

“What happened?” he asks quietly.

“We will not be traveling to Cairo today,” says Yusuf, as if this explains everything. He sits heavily on the edge of his rough bed.

Nicolo’s temper—the blistering, sharp-edge of his temper that he has yet to master—flares. This man. This infuriating man. His errand was so simple, and yet his arrogance, his stupidity, his readiness to fight—which of these maddening qualities ruined their plans? He swallows hard and opens his mouth that his feelings might pour out, tenses his hand into a fist and . . .

. . . pauses.

Yusuf is not readying to oppose him. His shoulders are not squared in anticipation of argument, nor his body poised to make his lingering disdain for Nicolo’s company known. His eyes are closed, his breathing steady in the way Nicolo has only observed when Yusuf prepares to pray. Something curls, sour, in Nicolo’s stomach, concern rushing from beneath his breastbone to skitter through his limbs, and he goes down to one knee, reaches out to touch Yusuf, then reconsiders.

“What did he do to you?” he asks instead.

Yusuf laughs sharply, mournfully, and looks up. “You would not understand.”

Nicolo watches him for a long moment. “You are not still hurt?”

Yusuf shakes his head. “He . . .” There is a visible struggle within him; his expression hardens, then softens again. “We could not agree on a price. He rescinded his offer and we argued.”

“His blood or yours?”

“Both.”

Nicolo stays still. “And?”

Yusuf looks away and blows out a breath. “He offered the curses of a schoolboy, the needling insults that a child might use.” He looks back at Nicolo. “He said I was my mother’s great shame, my father’s undoing, that my bloodline was cursed, that no son could dishonor his family more.”

Nicolo has witnessed by day and night Yusuf’s wrestling with their destiny. To be thrown into company with an invader whose body knits together like his own; to refuse to sink his blade into Nicolo’s gut despite the provocations of the heavens; the decision—the awful decision—to exile himself from his home lest he grieve his parents with the stain of whatever dark magic animates their souls. . .

“You are none of those things,” Nicolo says earnestly, voice no more than a whisper.

Yusuf makes a small choking sound, and presses his lips together firmly.

“He did not see a truth in you,” Nicolo continues. “A charlatan cannot.”

“And you do?” Yusuf asks bitterly.

Nicolo feels a strange and unfamiliar warmth creep up his neck. “I am further along that path than some wastrel merchant.”

Yusuf meets his gaze and for a long, terrible moment, neither of them speaks. “Perhaps,” Yusuf says nodding at last. “Perhaps you are.”

It is an unexpected thing to find that this matters, this agreement, the nearness of Yusuf’s body, the fact that Nicolo can find words enough to craft comfort when Yusuf is distressed. There is something here, some puzzle to unravel, but Nicolo cannot fathom the twists of his own mind on this score.  “You may take my clean shirt,” he says, and stands again, dusting off his knee.

Yusuf nods and stands too, pulls his dagger from his belt and lays it on the bed. “Thank you,” he says simply, and studies the blade.

[fandoms-in-law]

Beaming Brilliance

Summary: Robin had teased Steve over the convertible, and joked over how he still drove the Beamer for the kids. They thought it was a one time thing of a vehicle getting too close to the weird. Then the Beamer decided to drive itself while Steve tried to teach her how to drive.

Author's note: I scripted a page of things I didn't get to write, including Eddie waking up and joking with them about the cars, somehow Nancy took over instead when I decided the jump from the first bit I wrote to that was too abrupt. Not really Nancy unfriendly though but almost. Decided to try moving my idea for the fic to the end too since it's similar but different to the summary.

/\

It was meant to be a way to distract them, and get an extra driver in the group just in case. It was not, Robin insisted, a chance for Steve to tease her constantly about stealing his car away: Steve insisted it was, after every joke she’d cracked about the Cadillac Eldorado.

They were in the Beamer when it first happened; Steve explaining the pedals and which signals went each way, as Robin sat in the drivers seat, pressing on them without the keys in the ignition at all. Then the car started itself, driving onto the road as Robin screamed. Steve had dived into her lap just hoping it would let him take over driving. “Nope, thank you Beamer, but no unexpected trips today.” He grunted, struggling a little to be comfortable driving and half prepared to get kicked since by necessity he was stepping on Robin’s feet.

“What was that? What did I do? Was that bad?” Robin began yelling as soon as he got them parked, slightly down the road from his house, intending to make her move into the passenger seat to take them back.

“That was the car taking over.” He muttered, looking at the dashboard, “Honey does it to me often enough, but I’ve never known the Beamer to do that.”

Robin gaped at him, opening the door to shove him out and climbing out herself. “No, the car is not coming alive! I cannot learn to drive a living car.”

“You’re going to have to. Honey gets pissed if I drive cars other than this one too much and has tried following me once or twice. The Beamer knows you’re learning and will probably do the same.” He huffed, but stood to pat the front of his car. “They don’t mind you dating other humans at least.”

She glared at him, “You’re just jumping to me dating your car? What about a get to know you time?”

“That’s me teaching you how to drive. Think of it as chaperoned dates from those Jane Austin books Nancy was talking about.” He shrugged. “I’m more concerned that it decided to take us for a drive before I’d even pointed out the hand break. The car taking control should only happen if you can take over if and when necessary.”

The Beamer’s lights flashed twice, and Steve was fairly certain it was using the same yes/no communication they’d sorted out with the Eldorado.

“Yes.” He used the stern voice that occasionally got the kids to listen. “I’m not having Robin go around in you if she doesn’t know how to drive. Let me teach her properly or I will find another car for her to learn in.”

The lights came on and turned off once slowly, as if the Beamer was reluctant to agree.

Robin however was nodding continuously and seemed close to hyperventilating. “That’s good, I prefer that. Now crashes from the car driving itself please?”

“Robs, take a deep breath please.” Steve moved so he just had to lift her chin up for their eyes to meet, before demonstrating the deep breath, gesturing with one hand. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded, “I don’t know how to drive, Steve. This was meant to just be learning.”

He nodded in time with the deep breaths he was still trying to get her to match. “And that’s all it is still. Do you want me to drive us back to my house and watch a movie instead while you calm down?”

“Yeah.” She agreed. “Not that I’m against your car liking me, it was just terrifying to be moving suddenly and I didn’t know what to do.”

Steve couldn’t deny the scene had scared him, and he’d probably be shaking with it too if he didn’t need to keep them both calm for a while longer.

At least they could both laugh at seeing Honey now parked in front of the house when Steve turned the car around.

/\

“Okay, Steve’s said I should be able to drive on my own now. I’ve got a test booked in next week so we’re just going to the Wheelers so Nancy can come back to movie night with us.” Robin explained as she approached the Beamer. “Please let me drive unless you think I’m in danger.”

For all the request felt redundant, the lights flashed once. It was usually Steve asking for that, but Robin needed it, just in case she ever did need to drive a different car.

Getting in and starting to drive Robin smiled a little. “I guess we don’t need the chaperone any more,” She remarked, not expecting a moment of full beams to shine over the road ahead. It dazzled her enough she was breaking immediately. “Nope, we need a different way for you to agree when I’m driving. No blinding me with sudden lights.”

This time the signal turned on, just long enough to click once.

“Okay, that works.” Robin agreed, starting to move again and smiling as she went.

/\

“Robin, hey, he’s actually letting you drive alone.” Nancy called, already waiting outside as she pulled up. “It’ll be so good to...Funny, let me get in Robin.”

The Beamer had reversed as soon as Nancy got close to the door and Robin had no clue how to react. “Beamer, can you let Nancy get in? We’re here to pick her up for movie night remember.” She asked as quietly as she could, deciding to focus on that instead of replying to Nancy.

Two flashes of full beam lights were her reply.

“Okay. You dislike Nancy, but without blinding her again, would having Mike come mean you let her in?” She tried again, seeing the kids inside. Steve hadn’t agreed to her driving the kids around yet so she’d have to call him.

A glance out the window showed Nancy frowning at her as she pretended to be fumbling the car controls to hide the car was in charge right now. One click of the signal made her relax at least.

“Sorry, having some issues with the car. I think I’m getting a little scared cause that was my first time driving alone. Can I call Steve for a moment? Check what I’m confused over?” She began rambling while opening the door.

“It’s fine, but I can help. There’s no need to-” The car reversed from Nancy again as she moved to get in and try to help Robin from there.

Robin really felt like panicking now the car had moved with the door open and no seat belt on. “Seriously, let me call Steve.” She barely got out, half pulling to shut the door and ready to let it drive her home if Nancy refused again.

“Okay, come on in then.” Nancy looked dubious but at least didn’t move closer to the car.

Having put the hand break on and locked it, Robin hurried into the house, down to the basement where Dustin was thankfully with Mike and Lucas. “I need your walkie now.” She requested, ignoring Nancy pointing out the phone was in the entry way.

“Why?” He rightfully looked confused.

“Really need to talk to Steve privately after that drive.” Robin knew the explanation barely made sense but she was not standing in a hallway talking about the car refusing to let Nancy be the only passenger.

Mike just rolled his eyes. “Mines in my room, on the desk. Use that, shut the door to keep Nancy out and don’t go snooping.” He instructed.

“Thanks Mike, you next like 5 rentals are on me.” She declared, already heading up the stairs.

“Steve! Steve! Not kidding but I need advice or extra permissions on who I can give lifts to like right now.” Robin was hissing into the radio as soon as the door was shut.

“Extra permissions? What? Also you’re calling over the channel the kids can and do listen in on.” Steve’s voice came through a moment later, and Robin switched the channel they usually stuck to since Dustin hadn’t worked it out yet.

She folded onto the floor. “The beamer hates Nancy. It literally reversed to stop her getting in twice.”

“What?” She could hear the confusion and bitchiness already.

“And flashed full beams at her to refuse letting her be the only passenger with me when we’d already agreed to signal instead to avoid blinding or dazzling anyone.” The addition felt important, but Robin had no clue what to make of the situation now she was out of it, no more than she had when it was happening.

For a moment the radio just crackled, as if Steve was trying to find something to say. “Okay, so the Beamer doesn’t want Nancy as your passenger, what does that have to do with extra permissions?”

“It would only agree to let her in if Mike or I guess anyone else was with us too.” She relayed.

Steve hummed for a moment before deciding, “I’m coming to pick Nancy up. We’ll figure out why your car date refuses to have Nancy near you later.”

“You mean once Nancy and Jonathan have left and we can talk it all through again.”

“Yep. Just say you got jitters from your first time driving solo. The kids are doing their own thing tonight. I think it’s making a recording or something that can play in Max’s room when they aren’t there.” Steve muttered, deliberately distracting them both, even if the reminder of the two party members unconscious in hospital wasn’t a good one to use.

Robin nodded, taking a few deep breaths, “Okay, see you soon, I guess.”

“Yeah, hey do you think Eddie would like us to do that?” Steve trailed off thinking before breaking the connection. Robin knew he’d probably be talking about it at some point that night anyway.

/\

Both cars reversed from Nancy.

That was a difficult one to explain since neither Steve or Robin was inside them and the slope of the road meant they couldn’t pretend they’d both somehow left the breaks off. It was made harder because Nancy had already drawn her gun.

Then Steve laughed, “I told You! I told you she moves on her own! You knew this Nancy! I told you, told everyone when it first happened. Honey says you aren’t coming with me, The Beamer clearly says the same so I guess either call Jonathan to pick you up or enjoy a quiet evening reading.” He didn’t suggest she drives herself because Karen had taken her car for the evening, partly so Robin had the chance to practice.

“You expected this? You knew they could move on their own?” Nancy’s yell was shrill, enough to get Dustin coming up stairs.

“Guys, we’re trying to record. Can you stop being so loud?” He complained, looking at Robin and Steve stood beside Steve’s cars and Nancy a few metres from each of them.

Robin just nodded, “Yeah, Mini dingus, we’re just having some issues with who takes Nancy.”

“Such as?” Dustin looked between them and both drivers gestured for Nancy to get in either car.

It took one step forward before Dustin was gasping, gesturing wildly. “They’re haunted? Or are they sentient? When did they start doing this?”

“Honey did it when Steve started repairing her, remember? He got everyone over to check and then couldn’t replicate it.” Robin pointed out, tone saying he should have remembered. “The Beamer did it when I started learning to drive. She likes me better than Steve.”

“So like two weeks ago?” Dustin seemed dubious, “Makes more sense why Steve’s letting you drive solo so quickly. But what’s with those reactions.”

Steve and Robin shared a glance before they both shrugged and replied, “The cars don’t like Nancy.”

Both the Beamer and the Eldorado flashed their lights once.

“Was that them agreeing with you?” Dustin asked, looking between them, “Also Steve, you given the cars any reason to distrust Nancy?”

“Of course he hasn’t.” Nancy replied, once more stepping closer but finding the cars reversing and flashing their lights twice at her.

Robin shrugged, “Given it was with me they first reacted like this, I’m saying it’s more than Nancy did something near the Beamer that made them distrust her. How about this, if I promise I am definitely not attracted or going to date Nancy, especially not when she already has a boyfriend can I give her a lift to Steve’s where her boyfriend is probably waiting already?”

The signal on the Beamer flashed once.

“Great, and you aren’t going to make me think we’ll crash or hit something, are you?” She asked, narrowing her eyes before adding, “Not when that would make me reluctant to ever drive again.”

Another signal flash.

Steve snorted, gesturing to where Dustin had produced a notebook and was recording the interaction. “You wanted to get back to the recording for Max, right? I think we’re going to be off now Robin’s got the Beamer to agree to letting Nancy have a lift.”

The back door of the Beamer swung open.

As Nancy moved to shut it and open the front door, the Beamer moved, nudging her with the door as it was placed so she had to get in the back.

“Fine. Stupid car with ridiculous reactions.” She muttered out.

Robin wasn’t surprised to realise the car was driving itself as much as letting her drive it on the was back to Steve’s. She however a little freaked when Nancy’s seatbelt released and door flung open as soon as she tried to park it.

“Yeah, Hi Jonathan, has Steve explained that it’s probably best neither of us give Nancy lifts now, or was he leading up to that?” Robin sheepishly called, seeing the pair waiting on the front step.

“Wasn’t sure I believed him, but he had said that, yes.” Jonathan nodded, eyeing the Beamer cautiously. “Has it done that with any of the kids around?”

Steve shook his head. “I haven’t let Robs drive with the kids yet, but I don’t think it’d have any reason to misbehave like it seems to for Nancy.”

“So is this a possessive jealousy thing or do your cars just hold grudges?”

“Not sure. This is the first time they’ve acted like that around more than just me and Robs.” Steve admitted.

Robin nodded along with him. She’d come around to his car deciding to be hers, but still found the situation harmlessly bizarre. Considering the rest of Hawkins though, that was fine.

/\

My Idea for the Fic: Robin x Beamer - She'd teased Steve over the convertible, joked over how he drove the Beamer for the kids and thought it a one time happenstance, got too close to the weird shit. Then the Beamer followed her as Steve threw his keys over. She still wouldn't drive without knowing how but learning was a lot more interesting once Vecna was gone.

[ofcoffee-andletters]

FFXIV Write day 28 - Deleterious

WoLG'raha - Toxic edition Middle of Endwalker

Deleterious : harmful often in a subtle or unexpected way

———————

My inspiration.

That’s what he had been called, once, and then a few more times after. Sometimes he would stare at the source of those words from afar, look at him smile and be a bit shy, do his best to try to fit with what he considers some of the best people he could’ve found.

Heroes all of them.

And then those crimson eyes find him, and he can’t stand his devoted look, the amount of love and admiration he finds within that gaze.

So he grumbles and walks away.

————

It is never lost on him how G’raha yearns to accompany him everywhere, how he is always ready for anything as long as he goes along.

Sometimes he wonders what would it take for the other man to realize that he is not what he pictures, what he refuses to see, what he keeps painting over with his idealistic dreams and a hundred years of idealization — he never ends up acting on those impulses because he does not want to hurt him.

Far from it.

Which is more the reason why every single interaction with him kills him inside, slowly.

——————

They fight — a lot.

It all started because of a passing comment while he was recovering still, another scolding, a joking one and yet it had been the last straw.

Screaming came, and then unsaid grievances came, yelling and grabbing each other with the need to make the other understand and stop being so fucking stupid.

And there’s no hiding it, as much as he wants to run away from the truth, he knows the reality — as much as he hates how their relationship seems to advance, he knows he does nothing to stop it. Because he likes this.

It hurts.

Every word of devotion, the willingness to die for him, the readiness to claim he is a Hero. The pressure that he is the inspiration, the reason G’raha endured for a hundred years, and yet he cannot be, truly, what the other man wants and needs. He is not the Hero who died fighting, he is not the Hero who had songs and myths made for him in a distant cold and bleak future.

He is just himself.

And when he finds G’raha again, after yet another fight — he wants to yell at him, be angry, demand that he stop putting him on a pedestal he doesn’t want to be. To stop looking at him like he has answers to everything, like he can stop whatever the world, the fate, the entire Universe throws at them.

“…You’re a fucking idiot.” The Warrior of Light can’t stop himself and he makes G’raha wince and then frown, but before he can even complain, Brucie has already grabbed him by the clothes.

There’s a hug, so tight, using way too much strength to the point he worries he may hurt G’raha but…but… “You’re my idiot, though…so I guess this is just my lot now…”

The other miqo’te sighs, his eyes are closed and he hugs his inspiration back, “One day you could try to not attack me on sight…”

“…That is never going to happen, and you know that…I love you, but you’re infuriating, and annoying. And…” G’raha pushes Brucie away, softly. “What?”

“…You’re also an idiot.”

They both stare at each other, and then they laugh softly, because this is stupid. This is childish to a point — and unhealthy. They don’t talk about their actual issues, they don’t touch the root of the problem.

They just accept that they both use the other, as much as the other might want to deny or claim that…well, that was never the intention. But somehow they work. They fit. They’re not fine and it will be a long time before they’re fine — and maybe, that day…

They can truly love the other for who they are and not the shadow of what they yearn for.

[aching-tummies]

Hey, this is the same anon whose hunger ask you answered on 22nd January! Just wanted to say your rp response was unexpected but delightful! You really have a way with words.

And for the Manual Stimulation starter:

I tiptoe downstairs, expecting to see you watching tv...only to find you on the couch with a still full stomach. My own one growls loudly, but I ignore it. It's been four hours since dinner - I can eat in the morning.

'What's wrong?' I want to ask, but I know what's up. Your stomach cannot disgest everything on its own, I realise now. Maybe I have been too lenient with the tummy rubs.

I sit down next to you on the couch. "It's okay, I'm here," I say to you. "Wow, you must've loved the mac and cheese, huh?" I say, smiling affectionately as I begin to massage your belly. At the mention of mac and cheese, my middle rumbles louder for food. I again ignore it. Honestly, so impatient!

I continue to massage your belly, hoping it begins to digest soon. I press a bit harder on it, whilst my own groans with hunger.

Wow, January 22? I'm shocked people are keeping date-stamps ^^ I had to go back into my archives to look for the post in question. Yeah, I enjoyed writing that one.

A familiar squeaking of one of the stubborn steps startles me out of my reverie. I jump in my seat, but soon settle when I realize it's just you.

"Hmm? Sweetie, what are you still doing up?" You yawn, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you shuffle into the living area. Your stomach gives a hollow growl, revealing your own reason for venturing out of bed.

"Nngh…i-it's nothing. C-Couldn't sleep and I didn't wanna wake you." I mutter.

I can't help the wave of hot jealousy that washes over me at hearing your stomach growl--already hungry and demanding more food. I guess neither of us can really brag as the states of our tummies are what have us awake at almost 4AM…though for very different reasons.

I expect you to shuffle onward to the kitchen and fix yourself a "midnight" snack. Instead, my stomach gurgles sickeningly as it's jostled when you settle on the couch next to me.

"What's wrong?" You ask me seriously, reaching out to lay a palm over my belly, hidden under an oversized hoodie. Your eyes widen at the taut curve of my belly that meets your hand, not having much give to it even four hours after dinner. "Aww. You must have loved the mac and cheese, huh?" You mutter, gently kneading at my belly. "You're so full." You assume I snuck down to have seconds or something.

"Nnngh…oww…y-yeah…it was good…four hours ago." I snarl through gritted teeth as my stomach ache intensifies at your actions.

"Four? Still? This is from dinner?" Your eyes widen, palm slowing at the incessant kneading as you realize what's been keeping me up. I'm not up because I snuck down for a midnight snack. I'm up because dinner is still sitting like a rock in my stomach, overstaying it's welcome and causing all sorts of problems. "Aww…poor tummy." You coo at my stomach as the gurgles intensify under your touch. You continue your massage, but focus more on kneading at my intestines rather than at teasing my engorged stomach-organ. While you love teasing it when I overindulge, prodding at it after it's been straining for hours doesn't sit well with you. Guilt washes over you as you recount how the day went and begin to think this is your fault.

We had mac and cheese for dinner tonight--a rare treat 'cuz we both love it, but the ingredients are pretty expensive and we rarely ever have time for home-cooking. It's also not exactly a light dish so we don't indulge often. I stopped myself after two servings at dinner while you went for a third. We still had half the pan to put in the fridge as leftovers. The two servings didn't make me full, but I knew my poor tummy would struggle to digest something so heavy and I didn't want a 'too full' ache to accompany the upset that would no doubt happen. We've been burning the candle at both ends and been extremely busy for the last couple of months. When you went for your third serving, I assumed you'd be adding 'food coma' to 'exhaustion' in reasons that you'd be conking out pretty soon after dinner, leaving me with no help in trying to coax my stubborn stomach to digest.

Your stomach growls loudly and I frown, reaching over. The oversized pajama top you have on isn't buttoned all the way and it isn't hard for me to brush aside the loose fabric to reveal your adorable navel and the source of the hollow growls.

"Nnngh…you're loud." I mutter, deftly sliding a finger into your navel without warning. I feel you shudder at the sensation as my nail scratches at the sensitive flesh inside.

We continue this way, with you massaging my stomach, trying to coax it into digesting and with me poking at your stomach, particularly your cute little navel, whenever it growls. I poke deeply into your navel in retaliation whenever your massage gets a little too far on the painful side. As you get closer to me on the couch, I throw in a few descriptive phrases--mostly focused on food and the dinner we had hours ago, delighting in your shivers as the phrases cause your stomach to clench in hunger.

"Seriously, though, babe--weren't you coming down for a snack?" I ask you as the room begins to brighten. Apparently, we've been at this for a little over two hours.

"Nnngh…later." Your face is set in a determined pout and it seems you're set on getting my stubborn guts to digest before you fill your own belly.

I lean back on the couch, trying to relax as I remove my own hands from my tummy, letting you have free reign as you work your magic. The house is silent, save for the grumbling coming from both of our stomachs.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Fit to Fat and the Reverse

Read here or on AO3!

This is a little different than my normal writing style, but I wanted to give it a try. It is much more narrative with less dialogue and I do like the setup. I hope you enjoy! <3

---

Yoongi is a fit guy, always has been. He works out regularly after a successful basketball career in college, however, an unexpected injury brings everything to a halt. Yoongi has to break from his normal routine to recover which results in him relaxing his diet and his habits.

Jimin, his always chubby (more like fat, but Jimin thinks chubby sounds cuter) boyfriend, is supportive of everything he does, yet Yoongi is constantly telling Jimin he will go back to working out. Jimin isn’t sure after six months pass and Yoongi is fully recovered but still avoiding the gym and eating whatever he wants. 

Yoongi started the journey at a healthy 170, made of toned muscle from years of discipline. Jimin, on the other hand, had always fluctuated around 250. He’d been bigger his entire life and decides not to keep up with his weight regularly. It wasn’t truly an insecurity, especially after how much Yoongi loved him regardless of his size. 

Jimin was more than happy to share his food, offering Yoongi bites more and more often considering that his partner was actually saying yes to indulging now. He kept their pantry well-stocked since they were going through food much quicker. 

A year later, Yoongi weighs nearly the same as Jimin, gaining around 80 pounds up to that point. Jimin starts going to workout classes with his new work friends, encouraged to join rather than peer pressured or bullied into going as he had throughout high school and college. 

All of their usual food was still there, but the old habits of Yoongi’s once-disciplined diets were making an appearance in the fridge yet they were now for Jimin. That left all the sugary desserts and savory snacks to Yoongi while his partner was eating more lean meats and fruits and vegetables.

It takes time, but Yoongi realizes that Jimin is starting to slim down for the first time since he’s known him while he cannot resist his new sugar cravings. 

Yoongi first sees that he and Jimin are similar in size right before he also realizes that Jimin is starting to lose weight. They are in bed one night and Yoongi cuddles Jimin, thinking he seems a little smaller so he asks, thinking that maybe it’s a mental thing from his own insecurities. 

To Yoongi’s surprise, though, Jimin gets shy about it and confirms his question. 

“Well, I have lost a little weight, but I didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s a sensitive subject right now.”

The guilt hits Yoongi immediately for making Jimin feel like he had to hide it so he makes it a point to compliment Jimin more and be more observant. He realizes that his own insecurities were bleeding into the relationship and he was distancing himself from Jimin in ways he never wanted to happen. 

However, once he realizes it is not a phase or failed diet and Jimin is actually slimming down for real, Yoongi is torn because his partner is doing so well and looks beautiful as always, but he’s feeling more insecure each time Jimin looks smaller. 

He struggles to say to Jimin’s sweet face when he excitedly tells him about reaching another goal or when Jimin buys himself a treat, only to eat a bit and hand the rest off to him. Yoongi assumes that his partner must know that he can’t say no to him by now, not only because he is weak for Jimin’s pout but also because Yoongi is finding it harder and harder to say no to sugar.

Yoongi starts to outgrow even the largest of his own clothes after a while and he realizes that Jimin’s clothes are no longer oversized on him which is hard to process. Added to that feeling of insecurity was the fact that Jimin was now wearing some of his old stuff to the gym when he didn’t want to do laundry.

Jimin had never been able to wear Yoongi’s clothes unless it was a very oversized sweatshirt which still was snug on him in the past. He never expected his soft, chubby Jiminie to be able to wear his old compression leggings or running gear.

When he starts outgrowing Jimin’s clothes, Yoongi finally has a breakdown. 

Jimin offers comfort and calming energy plus some bigger-sized jeans he had hidden away in the closet from when he was going through particularly hard times since Jimin used to eat his feelings. (The main reason why he has always been bigger all his life.) 

But, even those jeans are snug on Yoongi and that is life-altering news for him.

Yoongi's realization that things he never noticed before, now stick out in his mind. 

He has to put in more effort to get off the couch while Jimin can get up off the floor with ease now; something he realized Jimin couldn’t do easily before. Yoongi also sits at home and eats a bowl of cereal or two while Jimin goes on morning runs with Jungkook now which used to be the opposite.

Jimin is now the one grabbing him, rubbing his belly, and sitting on his lap which has completely changed from how it used to be. Yoongi used to push close when he had to compete with Jimin's belly, but now Jimin sits close when Yoongi was bloated and his growing gut was taking up more of his lap as time goes on. 

Jimin also starts walking around the apartment shirtless which never used to happen and Yoongi realizes that he has been taking his shirt off less and less subconsciously. He thinks Jimin looks incredible, yet he can’t bring himself to do anything except internally panic whenever he sees Jimin naked now. 

Yoongi has moments of jealousy or bitterness which he immediately feels guilty for and then eats to make himself feel better which then makes him feel worse again for binging. It is a harsh realization for him when he thinks about how they have switched coping mechanisms. 

He used to be the one spending hours out running or doing intense workouts in the gym when he was frustrated while Jimin pulled every sweet food from their fridge and pantry to binge. Yet, Yoongi finds himself buried deep in a tub of ice cream while Jimin is at Pilates or running near the Han River when they are stressed. 

Yoongi gets awkward when anyone congratulates Jimin on his new body while they avoid the topic with him, especially their friends. It’s even worse when he gets the occasional relationship weight comment because Jimin never got those before - he had always been on the bigger side so his weight wasn’t a new thing. 

Jimin shuts down too much teasing from their best friends, knowing the little stuff is fine but if Yoongi is having a hard time, Jimin makes it clear that he is the only one that can comment. 

He gives out death stares at the table, even to his hyungs. Hoseok and Namjoon both start jokes that they don’t finish after seeing Jimin’s glare. Taehyung doesn’t even open his mouth after seeing Jimin’s expression. 

Since Jimin grew up fat, he was used to the light teasing from his friends, but he knew that Yoongi wasn’t used to it even if it wasn’t malicious. His partner’s headspace is Jimin’s to protect and their friends respected that. 

Jin notices first that Jimin is trying to keep a lid on the comments and starts teasing him instead, a good hyung to both of them. Jimin will get avocado toast and hot tea at brunch instead of bottomless mimosas and a massive plate of French toast which Jin used to eat off of. Jin says “God, I miss fat Jimin” every time Jimin order his food and breaks any potential tension from the Yoongi defense efforts at the table.

Jin and Jimin have always been the fat besties in the group while Jungkook and Yoongi were workout buddies. Jin loved baking with Jimin and going out for lunch while Jungkook and Yoongi were both former athletes that enjoyed going to the gym together.

But it has now become the opposite. Jungkook and Jimin are training for a half marathon together so Namjoon and Jin come over to hang out and eat breakfast on the weekend mornings. Saturday is Jungkook’s morning to cook and Jin is salty about him being out running with Jimin. 

In reality, none of them are upset about the new arrangement - happy that everyone still has a person to connect with. Jin can’t count the number of times Jimin thanks him for being supportive of Yoongi to which the reply is always the same. 

“You two are our best friends, Jimin-ah. There is nothing to thank us for.” 

However, the kindness from their best friends is not always the case with people they see in public. Yoongi has become more of a homebody which Jimin tries to stop, but the interactions they have out do not help. 

The worst reaction comes from an outing to their favorite coffee shop where Yoongi runs into someone from his old basketball team who sees Jimin first. He barely recognizes Yoongi, hyping up Jimin on his new body to then being at a loss for words when Yoongi comes over with his two pastries and sugary coffee drink.

Jimin offers him comfort in that moment as he does all the time. As much as Yoongi wants to ignore it, Jimin has been nothing but perfectly supportive and loving. He is Yoongi’s rock, his person, and while the insecurities sent him through a tailspin constantly, he knows Jimin is always there. 

His partner gives him explanations for things like random pains and stretchmarks which Yoongi does not have experience with in the slightest. He gives massages and belly rubs to help him digest and feel better. Yoongi always lays down while trying to process what Jimin has told him and ends up going mindless once his boyfriend gets his hands on him. 

“God, my lower back is killing me. Maybe it’s finally all the old injuries hitting me.”

“Uh, baby, I don’t want to upset you, but it’s kind of a thing you’ll have to deal with…”

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s because…I mean, you have more weight to carry around now. Your body will adjust, but it will become a consistent thing if you don’t walk or stretch.”

“Oh…”

“Come here, I’ll give you a massage. It will help, I promise.”

Somehow, Jimin always knows the perfect way to say things to be light and gentle without judgment. It almost makes Yoongi feel worse when he is caught up in his head, but he knows all the feelings are irrational at the end of the day. 

Yoongi will ask why his sides and inner thighs are getting so itchy and Jimin explains how stretchmarks feel when they are coming in, rubbing lotion on them to help ease the sting. Jimin keeps telling him it’s normal and they are pretty before Yoongi can even question it further. 

Jimin points out his old white ones and says “we match now” happily. However, Jimin is also one of those people that has them on his thighs and hips, but he never got them on his belly between his genetics and his progressive gain over the years. 

Yoongi is struggling to accept that he absolutely covered in them now. His stomach filled with pink and red lines, some angrier than others. Jimin simply continues to soothe him, pointing out his own every time Yoongi finds a new one.

Jimin tells him that he eats well and intuitively, that he listens to his body and is finally resting after years of putting his body through rigorous work. He tells Yoongi how proud he is and he can see that underneath the stress, Yoongi looks at ease when he eats. 

He really tries to take it in and let his partner’s words soothe his mind, but it just doesn’t seem to work. Yoongi can’t help the feelings of insecurity and frustration when he ends up stuffed on the couch at the end of the night once again. 

Sometimes, Yoongi gets worked up enough that he tells Jimin to stop giving him so much food or to stop buying all the sugary treats that are somehow always on their shelves, but Jimin just counters that they do the shopping together and he is not going to put any sort of limits on what Yoongi eats. 

That seems to hold Yoongi over long enough, knowing that the last thing he wants is a fight with Jimin. He has no one to blame but himself after all. 

Finally, Jimin has to talk about it. He feels stuck and unhelpful which is not a place mentally where he can stay for very long. Yoongi swings from overly reliant on Jimin emotionally to completely distant with no warning. All Jimin wants is a happy Yoongi.

Without being hurtful, Jimin is direct and mentions that Yoongi is bigger than him when he was at his biggest. 

That, of course, makes Yoongi have a bit of a breakdown because Jimin was always the biggest person in Yoongi’s close circle. To be bigger than him itself is a mental hit, but he also can’t see himself as being beautiful even when Jimin is the most beautiful person in his life no matter what size he was. 

Jimin says it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to have gained weight and that Jimin is happy with him no matter what. He tells Yoongi that he could be so much happier if he talked through the negative feelings and quit being so hard on himself. 

Jimin rants about loving him regardless. He tells him how he loves that Yoongi stopped pressuring himself to keep a certain image or force himself to keep hobbies that he no longer enjoyed.

Yoongi is now spiraling, confused about how Jimin could see all those things when he never said a word about it. He had never hated working out and he definitely never hated basketball, but when the injury happened, Yoongi was tired. 

He wasn’t relieved about injuring himself, but he was certainly relieved to have a break. However, in Yoongi’s mind, a break never meant gaining weight - let alone this much. He especially never meant for Jimin to see all of those things without him talking about it.

The silence carried on as Jimin waited for Yoongi to say something, not expecting his partner to just walk away from him. Not allowing the conversation to end, Jimin had to stop him and get at least some type of answer.

Jimin wasn’t angry, he never had been, but he certainly has hit an emotional wall. He wasn’t going to let something as superficial as weight drive them apart. 

“Did you love me any less when I was, you know, bigger?” 

“Of course not! You know that, Jimin.”

“Then why would I love you any less? Hmm, tell me that.”

“Because I’m fat now, Jimin!”

“So was I! That is not a good answer and you know it. You really think that I limit my love to appearances? I know you know me better than that. If you really love me the way you say you do, then I am certain you know that I would never do that.”

Yoongi is silent, at a loss on how to respond because deep down, he knows Jimin is right.

“You know what, this is going nowhere. Yoon, you know I hate fighting at all, but especially about something like this. I’m going to make dinner, you take a minute to think about what I said.” 

As Jimin walks away, Yoongi drowns in his thoughts. Sitting alone in their bedroom for fifteen minutes felt like three days went by. Jimin’s words were like a slap in the face along with the fact that Yoongi had just referred to himself as fat for the first time out loud.

He finally dragged himself to the kitchen and tried another route with the conversation. Yoongi knew Jimin better than he knew himself which is why he needed to let go and trust his partner.

“What are you making for dinner?” 

“It doesn’t matter, you’ll eat it.” 

Yoongi could see the smile on Jimin’s face. Jimin was happy with Yoongi simply leaving the bedroom and making an effort. 

He knows that all Jimin needs is for him to talk. Yoongi has to stop shutting him out, no matter how he felt about himself. Banter is their language so he knew this was a good start.

“Hey! Are you fat-shaming me?”

“Babe, I would never. Also, just because my body isn’t fat anymore, doesn’t mean my brain isn’t. I know how you think.” 

“You know, I never teased you like this when you were fat.”

“Yoongi, come on, you used to pinch my cheeks all the time.”

“They still are cute cheeks, jagi.”

“You used to call me chubs while you did it.”

“That’s cute!” 

“Oh, is it cute, chubs?” 

“Okay, you know what, actually not that cute. My bad.”

“Yeah, was eating my leftover carbonara your bad too?” 

“I do not like this side of you, Park Jimin.”

“You love me.”

“Of course, I do.” 

And with that and quite the heated make-out with Jimin on the kitchen counter, Yoongi makes it a point to talk things through with Jimin, even when it hurts.

There are many little moments where Jimin offers Yoongi tips like adjusting his clothes to get a bit more room before replacing them or how to avoid getting out of breath. He teaches him how to avoid chub rub and how to stretch out his shirts the right way, subtle breathing at the top of stairs and switching from the booth side to the chair side when they go out to eat. 

Yoongi knows that Jimin means well, but it just solidifies that he is the fat boyfriend now. 

Jimin prepares Yoongi for their first holiday after the noticeable changes in both of them. This is the moment sees the situation in a different light. Before, all of Jimin’s comments were about how to make himself feel more comfortable physically. 

They hadn’t spoken about how Jimin dealt with things emotionally as Yoongi assumed that a lifetime of having that body meant his partner felt differently than he did. He knew it was natural to have insecurities and Jimin was a good communicator throughout their relationship, but the holiday season opened his eyes.

Yoongi realizes all the shit Jimin had taken for years and puts an end to it. Hearing Jimin tell him to barely eat at dinner so no one says anything and they can get food afterward breaks Yoongi’s heart, hating the idea of how many choices Jimin had made like that in the past. 

Something clicks in his mind and Yoongi does the exact opposite. He eats as much as he wants, refilling his plate at dinner multiple times before sampling every dessert there and telling everyone to shut up when they start opening their mouths. He says he doesn’t want to hear it about himself and they will never address Jimin’s size again, good or bad. 

The amount of love in Jimin’s eyes after his heated rant made it all worth it to Yoongi even if their family was mad about his language. He especially couldn’t seem to care when he was rewarded so well back at home.

Their sex life is also different now and Yoongi has many realizations about how different the experience must have been for Jimin. Yoongi feels like he is always trying to catch his breath like he just finished a huge workout.

Yoongi decided that since he was making a better effort to talk about it, he would ask Jimin as they lay together in bed. 

“Was it always like this for you?”

“I mean, I lasted a bit longer than you did, but yeah, it’s a lot of work.”

“Rude, but yeah, you’re not wrong.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m smaller now, not sure what we’d do if we were both fat.”

Yoongi is too out of breath to be mad or comment, actually joining in Jimin’s little giggles. 

“What happened to my insatiable Min Yoongi?”

“I need like ten minutes and a Gatorade and I can go again.”

“Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England.”

“I’m serious, Minnie…” Yoongi pauses to breathe “...I’m good”

“Baby, I appreciate the effort, but you sound like you’re going to pass out.”

“Again, rude.”

“I don’t want you to pull a muscle, big guy.”

“Ugh, don’t call me that, it’s doing something for me that I’m not ready to deal with yet.”

Jimin paused to laugh again, tilting his head up to press small kisses along Yoongi’s soft jawline while his hand caressed Yoongi’s belly.

“Let me know when you are ready to deal with it because I have some ideas.”

Yoongi stilled and decided to keep that comment in his back pocket for later. Jimin had been dropping more and more hints lately that made Yoongi feel like Jimin’s interest in his weight was more than just support.

“Maybe the weight isn’t too bad. I don’t think I’ve ever finished that hard before.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but smirk when Jimin was the one that paused, a small noise catching in his throat before he continued his gentle motions. Jimin covered it well, but Yoongi was so in tune with his partner that he was still on to him.

“Yeah, probably because I did all the work for once.” 

“That’s it!” 

Jimin’s laugh only grew louder as Yoongi rolled on top of him, peppering his face with kisses. 

From then on, things seemed to change for the better.

It had been three years since Yoongi’s initial injury that started his considerable gain.

Jimin is now slimmed down to 165 and Yoongi is 340. Jimin has gone from fat to chubby to in shape to fit and trim while Yoongi has gone directly the opposite way. 

One day, Jimin excitedly tells Yoongi that he hit his weight loss goal of weighing 75 kg and Yoongi decides to weigh himself to see the difference considering he stopped keeping track two sizes ago. 

It didn’t go unnoticed by Yoongi that Jimin was almost more excited to see the number on the scale for his partner than himself.

Yoongi finds that he has gained 75 kg meaning two things. 

He has officially doubled his body weight and he has gained as much as Jimin currently weighs.

The most surprising thing of all is that Yoongi’s insecurities were long gone. He was feeling pretty good in his much bigger body, especially after being very well-loved by his partner for so long. 

Jimin didn’t plan on losing any more weight. He was going to maintain and train at his current weight, happy to enjoy his Pilates class and go running with Jungkook.

Yoongi, on the other hand, even if he wanted to stop gaining, it probably wasn’t happening now. With how he enjoyed feeling full, his weight had nowhere to go except up. All things considered, Yoongi was perfectly fine with it. 

And as if he hadn’t made it clear, so was Jimin. Yoongi decided that was the next conversation to tackle, but maybe he needed to do a little research first because it couldn’t be a coincidence that Jimin enjoyed feeding him more and more as the scale went higher.

[paragonrobits]

random thought, its never really sat well with me how comedy or funny things is usually simplified to 'bad stuff happens to someone and it makes me laugh' since more often than not, that kind of humor leans much more into being deeply discomforting; it depends entirely on how its presented, but if if the vibe is generally 'something bad happened to this guy, laugh at it!' i tend to feel more uncomfortable than anything. something similar applies to jokes about someone being embarrassed, mortified or even outright emotionally hurt is almost invariably uncomfortable, instead of funny

so it begs the question; what DO I find funny, and what makes something funny as a definition?

honestly I don't know how to answer that. its a complicated thing that runs on subjective vibes I don't know if i can clarify it. But as a few general rules of thumb, a lot of things that make me laugh, and that other people i know tend to also fun equally funny:

wordplay, puns, and disruption of expectations. This is a real broad category and varies from simple puns and word play, and the latter includes pretty much any joke where the humor comes from HOW its said, most speciifcally the joke of 'saying something really lowbrow in a really complicated or fancy way, or tossing up a radically different speaking style out of nowhere into dialogue'. Things like someone with a very coarse or every day way of thinking suddenly dropping extremely technical and complex terminology out of nowhere (especially if the character never normally talks like that) and then goes on like it didn't happen is always deeply funny (This can also apply to dramatic moments; let's take the Legacy of Kain series, which is infamous for its very melodramatic speaking style, with every single line being a grand and deeply dramatic delivery straight out of a Shakespearean monologue; if you've ever seen that 'raziel making chocolate pudding' video based on that one Rugrats meme, I cannot stress enough how THE ENTIRE SERIES IS ACTUALLY LIKE THAT. So when Raziel greets his deteragonist Kain by saying "OH no, its you again; every time I see you something unbearable dire happens. I don't think I have the stoomach for it", its genuinely funny because he NEVER says anything like that. Something similar applies to Kain, after spending the entire series as either a schemer manipulating everyone and trying to outplay his foes OR running a long-term gambit not even the player is likely aware of, after he sees the true eldritch horror of one of the settings' biggest perils that he was completely unaware of, he is reduced to simply stating "What the hell...?" that comes off as both funny (again, because he NEVER says anything like that) and dramatic because before this, Kain's usual deadpan remarks and fondness for eloquent musings completely deserts him.)

Unexpected/surprise. This is by far the single most funny thing i can think of, if something is surprising, catches you off guard or otherwise makes your brain go WHOA I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT. One great example is the trend of making Google Translated videos; dubbing dialogue after feeding normal lines into multiple layers of google translate and making them completely nonsensical, especially if still spoken with a grandoise or dramatic air. They're just so UNEXPECTED and even seeing them multiple times is always a delight. Additionally, if you're sensitive to things that make you feel bad, so much so that characters in distress makes you uncomfortable instead of amused, these kind of jokes have the benefit of not really working that way; the joke is not taking amusement in the misfortune or discomfort of someone, but just something being REALLY DANG WEIRD. (One example is pretty much a lot of Looney Tunes' earliest and most widely liked works, but another is actually Garfield. One of my favorite gags in that strip are the ones that come completely out of nowhere, such as an entire week of Garfield being startled by a random dog popping out of increasingly improbable places like a trapdoor in the floor while shouting "(x thing) DOG!" Its one reason that my favorite era of the strip was the mid 80s to mid 90s, which mostly featured this kind of comedy.)

[jeannahas]

MIDNIGHT MUSINGS-

Martial Arts and Drama

Having woken up die to intense and unexpected sorrow and lamentation, I have a few thoughts.

I’ve posted a little bit about this before, but one of the unfortunate side effects of training in martial arts is that it comes with *Drama* almost no matter what you do. No matter how much you try to avoid it, and sometimes BECAUSE you try to avoid it. Speaking from experience in that last one- (cue haunted expression)

It makes sense why this happens though if you think about it for a bit. You get a bunch of usually VERY competitive people, get them together, and teach them to fight. hOWEVER- I don’t think that’s the source of the drama- it just excaberates it. I personally think most of the drama actually comes from the fact that Hate is usually born from a place of Love. We develop a strong love for our students, teachers, schools, and associations, and several layers of trust as well. So, when someone in our school does something that attacks us personally, when a Master we’ve trained with does something so blatantly cruel or manipulative that you cannot ignore it, it feels like a much stronger betrayal than such a thing would feel from other services. When another schools attacks you, or another master insults your students, our love for our school and students drives us to defend them- to protect our tribe, our people, and builds aggression and rivalries.

So, a deep love built over the course of years or decades becomes soured- grudges are built, rival schools are formed, and due to the fact that many martial arts extol determination and not backing down as virtues, the chances for reconciliation are…. Greatly reduced, with these rivalries frequently lasting well past the lifespan of the two masters, with their entire schools or traditions regarding each other with distaste.

And this has consequences- short and long term. I have friends- former- who I don’t really speak to, because we sided with different masters when things came to a head back in ‘21, and it has consequences now as well- we (speaking of myself and the masters I sided with) left an association, which left us cut off and isolated, very much in the organizational hard mode. If we wanted a tournament, we had to organize it- if we wanted a black belt training, we had to set it up, and if we wanted other schools getting involved, the best we could do would be to invite them and move on from there. Hope they came. Often, some did, and we were able to maintain those friendships.

There is some awkwardness now that I’ve been promoted to Master as well- drama deepens. For example, my brothers can still attend the high level trainings with my old association- however, I cannot- having left the association, in their eyes I do not exist, and it wouldn’t surprise me if I walked through the door in civvies and they straight up asked me to leave.

Naturally, there is some bitterness there inherently, but ties back to my OWN choices, and due to the traits I’ve cultivated over the years, I find it HARD to see another way things would have gone. My own mistakes as a manager of my old school’s location led to schisms and rivalries, led to people leaving because I didn’t process their information correctly, usually, but that still led to strong and VEHEMENT emotion. We INVEST in martial arts, and that makes those emotions run DEEP. So, when fallings out happen, they hurt, and they hurt like dragging a knife through your soul.

Some things have impressed me though- the Art has not changed for me- it is still my deepest passion and the best way for me to re-center and calm myself. It is still a key part of my identity, and I still hold to and follow the teachings of my first Grandmaster, using his precepts and advice as an aditional guideline to my actions. I deemed my leaving as the only way I could follow my original Black Belt path honestly as levels of corruption and favoritism / nepotism were exposed where I lived, and I couldn’t in good concious say I upheld my moral obligations of what I promised to BE as a black belt at the same time as my oath to not leave the association- the cognitive dissonance was REAL for a while.

I don’t think I’m trying to get anywhere specific with this- nostalgia, mourning what could have been a bit I suppose, and trying to decide how to move forward after personal me mistakes set you back about as far as you can go, but I’m still training, gearing up to start teaching again as I’ve recentered, and I look forward to opening my doors to new students again. I do this because I know how it’s helped me, and I want to help other people, and that will remain my focus.

[anxiouslyfred]

Cave Visits

For mine and @lostcephalopods dragonau

Summary: Remus and Roman continue visiting Janus's cave, Roman to try and keep an eye on Remus and Remus intent on befriending the water dragon.

Authors note: This has been a busy day so again I haven't written as much as I'd have liked, but I'm happy with having reread most of the posts I could find to remind myself of this au. I'll write something with more of the characters involved in it at some point I'm sure

My idea for today: dragonau - How does Remus get Virgil and Janus to be his friends? When do one of them tell Roman to stop apologising for Remus?

/\/\

Since Virgil had first spoken to Janus he’d formed a specific splash for coming into the cave, although yelled just as often. This time he barely did the splash, as if hoping to remain unnoticed as Janus was pretty sure he knew why: The avali brothers that had arrived the day before.

“So the two avali are still in town, refused to leave and you’re hiding with me; Someone Remus has declared he’ll befriend. Wonderful reasoning, Virgil. I’m sure you’ll definitely avoid them this way.” Janus drawled, settling beside him.

“They’ll disrupt the ecosystem, and I’m not avoiding them. I’m observing them, specifically why one if so set on befriending a dragon. Some dragons eat avali so it has to be mad, which is worse as then I can’t predict how it’ll act or what damage it’ll bring.” Virgil ranted, glare going unseen but evident in his voice.

They hummed lightly, “Oh Remus is definitely mad, but I doubt he’s so unpredictable. In fact, I predict he will come in via another ventilation tunnel, and try to find the kitchen rather than either of us.” They could feel the ripples in the water already so expected the second avali was also coming and probably going to reach them first. That was unexpected.

“Why would he look for the kitchen? You’re lying to me over knowing that birdbrain so well already.” He growled out, voice quiet as if he was trying to listen to the ambient noises while they spoke.

“Because I insisted on coming in the intended entrance you showed me.” Roman replied, surfacing from the water tunnel. “He wants to prank me at every opportunity and probably you both as well since we’re acquaintances now. Apologies for that in advance.”

Janus swung to look just left of Roman, “Why apologise? You are not your brothers keeper, are you?”

“Most people met when we happen to travel together assume I am.” Roman replied easily, “And I did enter your cave and return today in order to avoid him being harmed.”

“But you didn’t get out of the area as I said to. That would avoid it best.” Virgil near snarled. He must be more worried than Janus expected as they rarely saw the procyon-mer so ready to fight for their river.

The avali twittered for a moment, before Janus heard the dripping of his feathers speed, as if he’d bent over or perhaps bowed. “That I will admit was partly due to my own curiosity over how a blind dragon and some form of mer became friends. Would you tell me the story?”

“No.” Virgil huffed, “Leave the area before you damage it.”

“I see perfectly well, thank you. Enough to know foolish folk give honours to those they cannot know if they should be given them, such as bows.” Janus mused, feigning disinterest and wondering if the words would make Roman doubt their blindness.

Before Roman replied however a cackle came from behind them, “You’re blind and I’m your friend.” Remus called, moving fast as he spoke so Janus didn’t try to pretend they could see him.

Virgil let out a low growl, “Just move on with your exploring and leave me river be.”

Janus could only assume neither avali showed signs of following the demand as they settled into chatting, ignoring Virgil.

/\

“Please do apologise needlessly for Remus again. I’m riveted to your words every time.” Janus drawled out, hearing the splash of someone feathered climb out of the water in their cave. It had been 3 weeks since the avali had arrived and they’d both visited everyday.

In all honesty Janus found them amusing now, but the regular apologies Roman repeated were tedious.

“Actually I was wondering if you’d seen him today. His shelter moved.” The voice sounded chipper, as if it was mere curiosity that brought the question, not concern as Janus thought most people felt if their family went missing.

“Can’t you see him right beside me, Roman? It’s clear he’s been here all this time and not exploring whatever caught his interest of the moment.” They didn’t hold back their smug head tilt, or tail waving around the area when hearing the avali moving around them, likely trying to confirm their words.

Sure enough it was only a few moments before Roman spoke again, “Eurgh, maybe I should start jumping in and out. All this swimming will ruin my gorgeous feathers. Also you can simply say he isn’t here rather than lying.”

“Your reactions amuse me, and friends do tease each other, correct?” Janus tried to imitate the wonder Thomas spoke with on some of his visits. They did view these two avali as friends now, and was fairly sure that Virgil did too since the grumbling was less about trying to make them leave now, rather focusing on ensuring they didn’t impact the areas ecosystem too much.

Roman’s breath caught. “I’m humbled by your friendship and gratified to have it. Please also be warned that Remus will be cheering when you mention this to him, since you refuse to let me apologise on his behalf.”

“If he appears in my caves I will do so.” Janus nodded slowly.

[kokorowoutsu]

-- JMF '24: Change Doesn't Come Easy

"... I do not know what happens to us when we die, but I like to hope that maybe... we get a chance to sit with all those we have loved and talk to them one last time."

The air hung heavy on the beaches of Alola -- Ashe 19, Kianga 18. The two barely knowing each other but already like siblings. Such a comment had been unexpected in the silence, but she often wondered how his mind worked, this mysterious young man she had met in the rain. She didn't know exactly what was on his mind either, but his eyes... his eyes held such a forlorn expression that it made her feel somber -- at least for what she could feel with being numb to everything.

Noting her Eevee and his Zoroark watching them, she carefully reached out to lay a hand on his, prompting him to look over at her as she cast her gaze skyward. She swallowed down her emotions hard, the urge to cry coming forth.

"... I'm sure you'll get to see them if you look hard enough before that." She pauses. "My gr--..." She trails off, taking a moment to correct herself. "... Someone I love told me once that when people go, you'll often find them not just beyond the Great Veil, but also in the little things they did." She paused then. "... But I wonder if that counts for the pieces of you that didn't exactly get to live either?"

Silence greeted her question and what hand she had been resting hers on gently laid itself to her head, pulling her over to rest against his gently, softly. "I cannot answer such a question because I seek that answer too... but I can tell you that it is something we will probably question for as long as our long lives take us through." He had tried at least, and Ashe was grateful for it.

--

Stirring from her dream, Ashe sat up in the late afternoon, the sun pouring through, the sounds of people outside talking and things being lifted for the preparations to the festival. She swore she heard some familiar voices of acquaintances they have made from the festivals too, but her mind was locked onto the memory... dream? she had had. Maybe it was prompted by the fact Grusha had asked a question not to anyone, but to himself she supposed, about this idea of 'change' and not just that, but the idea of moving on.

She had long pondered the idea of the 'Ikiriyo' she had heard about as well and it hadn't took long for her to see shadows of a girl wearing an Eevee mask, crying softly, and she was guarded by a second girl -- a teenager who radiated anger, still wearing an Eevee mask. Ashe knew who they were and while she had every intention of settling things, she had caught them out of the corner of her eye every time something bad had happened to Willow who was curled up with Larvae presently nearby. She hadn't said anything to Leon just yet, but angered surged through her because they sought to harm her daughter. Her future -- her chance at happiness... all because she hadn't made things right with them yet. She supposed it was her own impatience that was showing in them, that led them to act in such a way and not give her the time to do so, but she still felt fury towards the Ikiriyo she gave off.

Rubbing her temples, she got out of the futon and went to sit beside her daughter, all too aware that she was being watched by said Ikiriyo right now. She felt something brush against her in that being Lucky, and slowly both turned to look at the spirits with a mix of hurt and anger. They cowered back but remained firm in remaining.

Ashe said nothing to them, but she and Lucky turned back to watch over Willow and Larvae, one ribbon finding its way around Ashe's arm as the woman softly exhaled to try and release a bit of tension that now had found its way into not just her body, but her heart as well, in preparation for tomorrow's festival.

[inundatae]

@heartreign: ❝ you know that you can always call me when you need me. ❞

𝐀𝐧 𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞. Repeated far more often in recent days than he cares to count. It’s strange. For all that he has built these walls between himself and the rest of Fontaine, still have those around him managed find the cracks upon its exterior. He wonders at what point he’d allowed this to happen and should he chastise himself for being so careless.

These people see a man caught in the ever ceaseless current of trials and the day to day responsibilities required of him and think him a man drowning beneath a sea of paperwork. When in truth, the administrative duties are the least of his troubles. It comes to him as second nature especially when he has a host of gestionnaires to delegate many of the more tedious and less pertinent matters.

And yet… he cannot help but believe when Chlorinde speaks to him now, that there is more to her offer. That whatever lies within her heart, whatever sentiment that has spurred her on, has little to do with his work. Behind him is the soft patter of rain against the window, the grey light of afternoon waning as the day progresses. Yet another unexpected forecast though he supposes, if one were to pay attention to the scheduled trials for the day, then one might have expected this outcome. What lays before him now are the last of the papers for the case. One final signature and it too along with so many others will be filed and stored away. Forgotten by many save for him. At that moment he wishes for nothing more than to cross into that rain. But there is his work. And his duty.

“Thank you, Chlorinde.” His pen finishes its last loop across the final line. The usual rejection and reassurances as to his emotional and physical health coalescing upon his thoughts. Coming as routine to him as the paperwork. But his gaze drifts once more to the rain, to the trial and the victims who have had their lives shattered in irreparable ways. And he rises, chair sliding back. “I think… I should like to take a walk. And I would very much be pleased if you could accompany me.”

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 139

Tw: $uicide

Please reach out, if you need help or if someone you know is struggling. I absolutely implore you to please seek help and help your closed ones.

I'm going to try my best to discuss about this respectfully.

But to be quite honest, I don't even know how to start with this. This is yet the darkest cpc chapter. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the warning. So let's start with the beginning of the chapter, shall we?

So it turns out Leelathae will be going to another country, I think? Or at least another kingdom.

Since she's in the same carriage as Jack's, I'm guessing Jack will find out she's inside the trunk when she accidentally make a noise or when he opens it up to check the clam?

I wonder what Leelathae will ask the clam, or if she would even ask it something. Maybe she will ask what her future holds for her? Or maybe about her folktale tragedy?

Anyway, here's some sweetening before we get to the Gwen part.

Ayy we get to see young Molly :D she looks so pretty.

And Leelathae's reaction to the clam is hilarious lol. I would be pretty dang confused too if a giant clam just starts to talk to me outta nowhere 💀

Okay, let's discuss.

This chapter reminds of this post I made about Leelathae

Now, first of all.

As I said before, I'll try to discuss this topic as respectfully and thoughtfully but still thoroughly as I can.

Gosh this chapter.. Now not only Gwen feels guilty for everything, her siblings will feel even more regrets and guilt too.

This chapter hurts so bad, because it hits really hard (and unfortunately relatable for me). And the worst part? It wasn't unexpected. Gwen has shown signs and we've seen her mental health goes worse and worse. We cannot do anything because we're just an audience behind the screen. I know this is all fictional, but it still hurts knowing some people in real life actually go through this.

Mental health is very important to take care of and Lambcat has done a correct disturbing "example" of what happens if we neglect it for too long. It's not something to romanticize about, it's something really disturbing and need to be talked about. Often times, people who suffers would isolate themselves away from their loved ones. In time like this, it's important to reach out to them but also provide the safe space they need.

Self esteem problem can be something dangerous, no matter what caused it. Honestly, every problem will be dangerous if neglected for so long. Remember chapter 40?

Yeah. If Saffron hadn't pulled her out, she could've.. Gwen is too selfless, that even people around her are starting to hurt too. Maria and Lorena confronting Gwen hurts, because they feel very guilty because they think they are horrible sisters for not noticing Gwen's need. But it's nobody's fault, really. Or maybe it's everyone's fault partially. But can we even blame them? I am speaking from experience here. Talking to someone, opening up, especially to your loved ones is one of the most difficult thing to do. I can't imagine myself telling my family that I don't love myself. Because I love them.

I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about these to your closed ones, you absolutely should. I'm saying that it's.. difficult, ya know?

And while reaching out to someone struggling is very important to do, often times we don't even know that they're struggling. That causes us to feel guilty for not being there for them. Even though we actually are always there for them, we just didn't know that they needed help.

In short, what I'm trying to say is: Is anybody really at fault here?

I almost forgot to talk about this.

This panel was absolutely heart breaking. The regret, the fear, everything.

Gwendrick is cute and all, but I don't think they should immediately go to a relationship. Both Gwen and Frederick desperately need help. They should work on themselves first before continuing their relationship.

Alright, theory time.

I wonder who will wake Gwen up? I'm hoping we will get to learn every kinds of love (platonic, romantic, familial) through Gwen's wake. I don't want true love kiss to wake her up. Maybe a little romantic love, but familial and platonic love are important too. Maybe the whole cpc, her family, and Frederick will come to her aid? Perhaps even Leopold would come too?

Remember, I'm saying all of these from my perspective. So there's a chance I might be wrong. If I am, please do correct me. Mental health is a topic that must be handled carefully, and I'm trying to do that.

Okay, before I end this post, here's a summary of what I've written about mental health and a message for all of you.

Remember, big problems stem from a tiny little problem. It's like a seed, or perhaps a weed. If you let it grow, it will grow wildly and taking control of it will be difficult. Neglect is perfect for growing this weed. If you ignore a weed, it will grow and take the plant's nutrition (aka your happiness and health), wouldn't it?

Therefore, don't neglect your health. Pay attention to your needs and take care of yourself, alright? You're worth much more than you think you are. Loving yourself isn't something that can be done forever, but just know that there are people who love and care about you.

Stay safe, okay? Don't forget to hydrate and take care of yourself. If you're having serious problems, please seek help to a professional, as I'm not one of them. All I can do is just tell you that you're worth everything <3

(You can probably tell that I'm highly interested in talking about this. To be fair, I have always been interested in mental health subject and psychology since I was in grade school haha)

See ya guys, gals, and pals.