#like there is no way you couldn’t see the joke in dan not being able to compliment phil like cmon……

[manchesterau]

not being able to understand a bit or when dnp are joking is top five phannie fails

[asmolfolk]

Danheng romantic headcanons. 🍓☽。･:*:･

Not me writing romantic stuff even though so, I never had been in a relationship- Fandom: Honkai Star Rail; Character: Danheng; Idea: "How would be the characters as romantical partners?"

🍓☽。･:*:･

Danheng

Falling in Love.

Who fell in love first?

You fell first

 Danheng isn’t one to fall in love so easily, he would need a deeper connection or to spend more time with someone to actually feel something. Being in a constant fight, helping others/each other and completing missions would be a way to deepen your connection with him…

 But even so… It has some sort of chance of you being the one who falls in love first. Falling for him seemed like... A fall from grace. The introverted one of the trio, the one who doesn't talk or smile at all... He seems almost unreachable, but, that was a concept that could be easily broken. Just by the way he genuinely cared about you, just by the way that he tried to engage in conversations just because of you.

How do they notice they have fallen in love?

He fell harder.

 Danheng would notice how… He misses being with you, if he isn’t always with you - as a group - he would stay on the Astral Express waiting for you to come back. He would notice how some stuff remembers… You, how you are on his mind almost every time… How he would think about you daily.  He was growing those feelings, deep and sweet, about you. He was letting them grow until it became unbearable to him, he didn’t think it would happen to result in that... He thought that ignoring those feelings, they would eventually disappear.  Oh, he was so wrong…

Confession

Who confessed first?

It depends a lot.

 While Danheng is, indeed, aware of his love for you - he wouldn’t tell you anything until he was sure that you felt the same. He knows that telling you this would change his relationship with you… And that he wouldn’t be able to actually show something with you - In the meaning of... He would lose you, all those little talks, all those times that he showed you something new, something that he liked while you did the same to him. All of that would be simply... Gone.

 So... In resume, he is afraid of your reaction.

 Because of that, you would need to be the one confessing - If 7 March doesn’t happen to help him into confessing to you.

“Come on, Dan! You can’t let those thoughts win against you!” Said 7 March trying her best to hype Danheng out, but it doesn’t look like she can do much. “Come ooon! You are, like, one of the strongest persons I know!”

 “...The problem isn’t strength, 7 March… The problem is… What if they-”

 “Don’t overthink! That will only make you more and more afraid of confessing… You should do other things'' As 7 said that, Danheng only looks at her face - his cold yet curious expression said enough “You need to have more courage… Like, wayyy more.”

But if you actually confessed to him… It would be way less trouble. After all, he would be sure that you love him, you would NEVER confess as a joke… Right?

 As you finished your confession, you could only see Danheng standing there… Looking at you with a cold gaze, it was like he didn’t care or understand what was going on. You only sighed as it seemed to be clear that it was… Too early for him, maybe?

 Before you could say anything else, you felt a warm embrace and then, you were meeted with Danheng's body. He was holding you close enough to feel his breath… And to hear his heart beating so fast… So he does love you too, he couldn’t find the words yet - but his embrace was a confirmation enough.

 “...I’m sorry… I should have said that before, it’s just… Not easy to find the exact words to express myself. I thank you for telling me this… I- I do love you too, I wanted to tell you that before… But I was… Scared.” He said, slowly, trying to think about his next words “...But now… I can only feel… Pure happiness… Thank you, it has been a while since I was able to feel something like that…”

Language of Love

What's their language of love?

Acts of Service and/or Quality of time.

If there’s something you need to do - but don't want, he will do it for you. If you need him, he is right at your side…  He wants you to feel appreciated and loved, he is accustomed with showing respect/love by doing stuff not by physical touch. You would probably be his first relationship like this. He would probably try to show more love by words of affirmation or physical touch [Depending on your preference] and try to maintain you as happy as he can. Even if relationships need BOTH sides working together, in his head - he can’t rest… You are the best thing in his life, he needs to meet with your expectatives of him.  He will tell you what he thinks about all of this - and especially how he feels - after some time… He wants some advice and he trusts you with all his soul and heart… Just make sure to explain to him that this is normal and explain that you love him, if you wish him to show more affection towards you physically or to praise you I'm sure he will do it.

He is always looking at you. Looking, analyzing… And you never know what’s going on in his head… Oh, if you only knew… The thoughts that cross his head day by day, what he thinks truly about you…

 “They are so… Incredible, their skills are always surprising to me.” “They look so beautiful in this outfit… I would love to see them wearing more of this color, it really matches their eyes…”

 Praises, praises and even more praises. He wants to tell you exactly how he feels, but again, he feels like he shouldn’t just jump into praising you like crazy… So, he normally just says “You look pretty” or something similar without much explanation… But it only takes one look into his eyes, and you can see how they shine for you… How much he love you… It’s always a refreshing sight… Know that you are a muse in his eyes.

Reaction of your language of love.

It doesn't matter.

He would probably be okay with any type of love language, he has some limits tho- He doesn’t like PDA, so he prefers to reserve them for only private… But he does hold your hand and hug you in public. He just doesn't like kissing or anything else in public.

 Of course, if he feels like you are… Sad or anything else because of this, he will let you kiss him on the cheeks- Don’t expect anything else- He thinks that ‘those kinds of stuff are reserved for only us.’  Of course, letting this aside… He is okay with pretty much anything! Just shove this man with the love he deserves <3

"You... You don't need to adapt yourself. I'm fine with... Anything." He said, in the middle of a dinner "...That serves for both your love language and the food. I don't really mind the touch or praises or anything like that, I'm just... A bit shy sometimes."

As boyfriends

How do they treat you?

Gentleman, sweetman... Please give him some love.

As a boyfriend, he would try to act like a gentleman - it doesn't matter your gender - and would try to be the best boyfriend he can! You need to go somewhere? Let him help you! Do you need to pick something? He will pick it up, open it and feed it to you... If it's food- You need some rest but has to finish something up? Go rest, he will finish whatever it needs so you can just relax. He is just... In love, deeply. He tries to overcome his own insecurities each time, to overcome his shyness and awkwardness and to actually tell you the praises and what actually comes into his head. Every single cliche thing that you could roll your eyes at, he absolutely loves it! He wants to try it... And, seeing those cold eyes having sparkles and seemed so happy to the thought of doing something like that... Could you really tell him "no"?

"To be honest, sometimes I thought that doing everything at once would save me estress and would actually be beneficial... But it wasn't. Mental Health, taking breaks and resting are more important than finishing everything at once... Please, leave this with me if it's needed to finish today, I will finish it for you while you rest... Don't worry, I got you."

Jealousy

Well... That may come off as a surprise. DanHeng does gets jealous but not in the way some people may see it. Before getting into a relationship: Dan Heng just feel discomfort. He feels something everytime he sees you talking so freely with someone else, when this other someone just puts his hand around you and both of you show public afection. He feels... Terrible. You are only friend's with that person, but still, he is envious and jealous of this. He wants to tell you anything, he wants to be here for you too... Maybe, this would be the way that he would find out that he feels love towards you.

In resume.

Dan Heng is a sweet gentleman that would do anything for you, he worries deeply about you and tries everytime to make you feel happy, to feel good and to rest a bit. Even so, he has some troubles... He thinks a lot and can't tell you everything that bothers him, not wanting to trouble you with his problems. But as the relationship progresses... He would talk a lot more, I think.

[sacredjake]

Moon To Me Part Two

pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader

word count: 3.7k

warnings: fluff, angst, drinking, cussing, mentions of being crossfaded, shitty ex-best friend.

Read Part One

honestly when i originally wrote Moon To Me i didn’t plan on giving it any more parts, but here we are! i plan on writing one more part to this mini series and i promise it won’t take as long. thank you to @malany-gvf as always for feedback and endless support <3 love you lots.

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It had been a month since Jake and the boys came back from touring, and in that time there had been only a handful of days you didn’t spend together. He took you back to that spot in the woods to stargaze only one other time, yet again staying out all night. Usually you would hang out at his house or your apartment, but sometimes the other guys would invite you out with them. 

Danny had reached out to invite you to go bowling with them one night. Of course you and Jake teamed up and kicked everyone else’s ass, much to Josh and Sam’s dismay. 

“Oh that’s so unfair!” Sam threw his arms up at the sight of you landing your third strike. You spun on your heel, walking back towards the group with Jake shooting you a wide smile. 

“Atta girl!” Jake’s hand came up, giving you a high-five before you settled in your seat. 

“You two are never allowed to be partners again!” Josh shook his head, reaching down to grab his ball from the rack. 

“Hey it’s not our fault you guys suck!” You laughed from your seat next to Jake, and watched as Josh sunk another ball in the gutter. 

“Should I go ask the attendant to put up the bumpers for you, Josh?” Jake snickered, earning a glare from his twin. Josh turned back around and waited for his ball to return, tapping his foot impatiently, arms crossed over his chest.

“What’d I miss?” Danny plopped down in his seat between you and Sam, nachos in hand. 

“Oh just Josh sending the ball into the gutter, again, and me getting a strike… again.” Your reply was as smug as the smile you offered along with it as you reached over and plucked a chip from the paper boat, popping it in your mouth. Danny swatted playfully at your hand when you went back for another.

“Hey! I did not buy these for you. Jake, control your best friend.” He joked, pulling the nachos away from your reach and making you giggle while chewing happily on the chip you were able to steal. 

“Ah, sorry Dan, that’s my bad. I forgot Moon’s backpack leash at my house.” 

“Hey!” You hit Jake’s bicep lightly with the backside of your hand, “I am not a child!” You pouted and Jake’s smile grew even wider, putting his hands up in faux defense. 

“Jake, you’re up.” Sam caught his brother’s attention and nodded his head toward the lane. Josh was making his way back after taking far too long for his second shot. Jake sent a wink your way before standing to take his turn and Josh sitting where he had just risen from. 

“Jokes aside, I’m glad you came out with us, y/n. Jake’s been trying to keep you all to himself since we got back.” Josh shoved his shoulder into yours gently, beaming at you with bright eyes. Your cheeks and chest warmed at his comment about Jake. You cast your eyes over to where he was standing, bent over the rack to retrieve his ball. 

He picked up his ball, bicep flexing and fingers dug into the holes on the sphere, and you couldn’t help but stare. Jake had always been very special to you, he was your best friend after all. But things had begun to change on your end. The evening after the two of you went stargazing, you woke to his face nuzzled in your hair, and light snores filling the air with his arm draped over your waist holding you close, his legs tangled in yours. You felt something stir in your chest. 

It was like you were seeing him for the first time. He was so content and peaceful lying there. Beautiful, even. Golden light from the setting sun danced upon his hair and skin, bringing out the lighter strands and causing his face to glow. Your heart tightened just watching him, admiring him, in this way. 

Since then your feelings only grew deeper. You constantly felt conflicted about your new emotions. He was your best friend and you didn’t want to jeopardize the ten plus years of friendship, but you also couldn’t ignore how you felt about him. 

“Hello?? Earth to y/n.” Josh’s hand came into view, waving in front of your face. You blinked a few times, thoughts leaving your mind, but your eyes stayed on Jake as he threw the ball down the lane. Another strike.

“What?”

 Josh’s eyes followed your gaze landing on Jake, and his smile threatened to reach his ears. He chuckled to himself, snapping your focus away from Jake to look at him instead. 

“You uh, spaced out there.” His voice drifted off, a smile still very much present on his face as he met your eyes. Your throat felt dry and you knew your cheeks were bright red this time. He obviously had caught on to your not so subtle longing. 

“Just, um… a lot on my mind.” Your voice was soft, and you gave him a nervous smile. He rested a comforting hand on your knee, squeezing it a tad. “Mmm…” He removed his hand from your knee, letting it rest on his own thigh instead with a nod of his head. It was quiet for just a moment longer until he spoke again. 

“I’m having a party Saturday night, obviously you’re invited.” 

“Yeah, of course I’ll be there.” You smiled at him more assuredly this time, thankful that he didn’t press you further. This wasn’t exactly the place you wanted to discuss your feelings for Jake with his twin. Especially not when Sam was within earshot, god only knows what he would say to you.

Jake had finally made his way back to the rest of the group instantly grabbing your attention. 

“Sorry guys, but Moon and I just whooped all of your asses, what can I say, we make a great team.” He rubbed his hands together with a chuckle, beaming at you.  

“Like I said,” Josh pointed his finger at you with a smirk, “Never allowed to be on the same team again.” He gestured between you and Jake, both of you wearing shit-eating grins. 

“I agree, this is ridiculous! Next time y/n is on my team!” Sam exclaimed as he stood to retrieve his ball from the rack. You followed his lead and snorted a laugh as you reached for your own. 

“No way Sam, I like to win.” You winked, causing him to huff in playful annoyance. Making your way over to the racks that held all the different bowling balls, you placed it with the others of its same weight. Finally, you joined Jake on the bench near the concessions to take your bowling shoes off. 

“I so carried you.” You teased as you sat down next him on the small bench. 

“In your dreams, Moon. My back hurts from carrying you all night.” He tucked his hair behind his ear so he could see you better while he was bent over, untying his shoes. The small action made your heart rate quicken. How were you just now noticing how adorable he was? 

“Oh shut up, liar.” He let out a laugh as you nudged him with your shoulder. 

Eventually you were all rid of your shoes, replacing them with the ones you wore there and heading out the door. 

You said your goodbyes, parting ways and letting them know you had a good time and that you’d be seeing them soon. For once, you and Jake had driven separately. He had some kind of meeting before joining the rest of you for bowling and wasn’t able to pick you up. Honestly you were kind of glad you drove yourself because it meant you were able to daydream about him on your way home. 

You thought about him a lot. The way he smelled, his laugh and smile, how bright and soft his eyes were like pools of rich milk chocolate, the way you always felt safe with him. He was always on your mind, even when you were together like right now. 

He had invited you over to his place to help him pick an outfit for Josh’s party before heading down the street to his house. You were sitting at the end of his bed, legs dangling over the edge and kicking slightly while you waited for him to show you what he had picked out. 

“Jake c’mon! We’re already late!” You called to him, picking away at your nail beds to pass the time. It was an awful habit, but you had yet to kick it. 

Finally the door to his bathroom opened and he stepped out. Air stopped flowing freely from your lungs, and your heart thumped faster as you looked him over. He was wearing a blue cotton button down, most of the buttons left undone to show off his tanned and toned chest, his favorite one of a kind jeans that had been beaten to hell and back that he somehow still pulled off, and a pair of white slip-on vans. His hair was down, a black wide brim hat sat on his head. He looked absolutely stunning. 

“What do you think?” He turned around in a circle to show you his outfit from all angles. Your throat burned as you finally drew in a breath and swallowed. He walked over to his full-length mirror in the bedroom to look himself over. 

“I think those jeans are almost at their end.” You smiled lightly hoping to play off how good he looked, and how affected you were. Something about the way his hoop earrings caught the light every now and then was making you feel light headed. What else were you supposed to say? ‘You look so good I want to climb you like a tree?’ Definitely not.  

“I’m only joking, you look great as always.” His eyes met yours in the mirror and his face brightened at your words. 

“You’re missing something though.” You slid off the end of his bed and walked towards his bathroom. You scanned over the array of jewelry on his countertop, finally landing on your favorite necklace of his. Jake entered the bathroom as you picked up the cool metal, and stood behind you waiting patiently. 

“I think this would tie everything together.”

You turned around to face him, holding the medallion necklace in both hands to slip it over his head. Without question, Jake removed his hat with a smile and placed it on top of your head to make it easier for you. Slipping the jewelry over his head, making sure not to mess up his hair, you let your fingers gently brush the medallion as it rested in the divot of his chest. You lifted your head up to meet his eyes, fingers still lightly touching the metal. 

His hat began to slip down over your eyes at the upwards movement of your head, hindering your view of Jake’s face. You could see his hand come up towards your face before pushing the hat back out of your eyes. 

“It looks good on you, Moon.” He smiled down fondly at you, a shy smile and blush adoring your face. You lifted the hat from your head and placed it back on his, a smile still dancing on your lips. 

“I think I like it better on you.” 

Neither of you moved for a moment, silence and tension hung thickly in the air. It wasn’t that either of them were uncomfortable, they just felt different than they normally did. Jake began to open his mouth when his phone started ringing loudly in his bedroom. 

“How much you wanna bet that’s Josh?” He rolled his eyes and took off towards the noisy device without your reply. 

“I don’t need to bet on it, I know for a fact that’s him.” You followed after him back into his bedroom, and returned to your previous spot on the bed. The conversation Jake had with his twin was exactly what you had expected. Josh was grilling Jake about when he’d be showing up, what he’d be wearing, if you’d be there and just about anything in between. Once he hung up the phone, you decided it was time to head over to Josh’s party. 

From the moment you stepped foot outside the house, loud music was heard floating down the street. 

“I didn’t know he was throwing a fucking rager.” Jake scoffed and pointed in the direction of the loud music. Josh’s house was large and mostly desolate, but at the moment it was flooded with people making their way inside.

“Oh tonight should be fun.” There was a mischievous tone in your reply knowing all too well how crazy Josh’s parties have been in the past.

“Y/n! I’m glad you came!” Josh threw his arms around you, enveloping you in a large hug as soon as you walked through the door. You squeezed him back with the same force, but had to steady yourself as Josh leaned most of his drunken weight onto you. 

“Josh,” You involuntarily rolled your eyes, “I told you like last week that I would be coming to your party.” He peeled himself away from you and waved you off with his hand. 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be glad that you’re here. Now, you look far too sober so let’s get you a drink.” 

Before you were given the option to protest, Josh took you by the hand and pulled you away from Jake’s side towards the kitchen. He made a drink you requested, definitely on the strong side, and then, in true Josh fashion, demanded you be his partner in beer pong. 

“Bet we can put that bowling arm to good use, c’mon!” He practically dragged you towards the table, arm linked in yours.

And that is where you had been for the last hour. The game was quite exciting to watch as a spectator, but as a player you were on edge. Both teams were down to their last cup with each round volleying back and forth on redemption. Every time someone made a cup for the win, another person from the opposing team would easily sink their ball into the cup for the redemption point. 

This has been going on for at least fifteen minutes. 

You hadn’t seen Jake in the last hour that you had been playing, ultimately curious as to where he had run off to. The thought didn’t linger long as it was your turn to shoot, hoping to put this game to an end. Your ball sank into the cup with ease, earning whoops and hollers of excitement from the crowd that had gathered to watch. Josh took his shot and also landed his ball in the cup. The first round where both players had made it. Naturally, the balls were rolled back to the both of you giving you each another shot to which you missed, but Josh had made. 

Your opponents now had to make three redemption shots. This was great news as you desperately were ready to end this game. But you also wanted to win of course.

Dread started to set in as both of the first two shots were made. You watched the ball in what seemed like slow motion as it left the guy across from you’s hand and flew through the air, coming down onto the table and narrowly missing the cup. 

The space where the pong table was erupted into loud cheers, your own mixed in. Josh wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and lifted you into the air, spinning you around before setting your feet back on the ground. 

“That was fucking amazing!” Josh practically screamed in your face due to the volume of the voices around you. 

“God I am so glad that’s over. That went on for way too long.” You laughed with a shake of your head and steadied yourself by holding both of Josh’s shoulders.

“I’m gonna go find Jake, see what he’s up to.” You told Josh before leaving him at the table to wander his house in search of his twin. 

So far you had walked through the entire house and there was no sign of him. He wasn’t in the kitchen making another drink. Nor was he in the living room lounging with Sam and Danny. He was nowhere to be seen in any of the bedrooms either. The last place you had yet to check was the backyard which a good portion of the party goers were hanging about. 

The night was fairly chilly now, a shiver cascading down your spine upon stepping outside the house. The air was mostly filled with chatter from all the different people standing around and, mostly quiet, music that drifted from a few speakers. Josh was adamant about keeping the volume outside to a minimum for the sake of his neighbors once the hour reached 9 p.m. which your respected.

You bobbed and weaved your way around groups of people, eyes searching every face for Jake’s. He had to be out here there was no way he wasn’t. You were about to give up when a particularly grating voice stopped you dead in your steps. A voice you knew all too well, but hadn’t heard in years. 

Amber. 

Amber was your best friend during middle school and all of high school. Until she decided to spread a particularly nasty rumor about you and Jake when she had a thing for your boyfriend at the time. After something like that the relationship was well… irreparable. 

Your head whipped to her nauseating, overly sweet laugh and the sight before you physically made your stomach churn. She was sitting sideways on Jake’s lap, her long fake nails running up and down his toned chest while she giggled something in his ear. Your eyes locked with Jake’s immediately, but you didn’t dare take in the details of the scene before you. Instead you turned quickly on your heel and headed directly out the side gate of Josh’s backyard. 

Tears stung your eyes and blurred your vision as you all but ran back to Jake’s place a few houses down. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears making it impossible for you to hear the sound of a gate crashing behind you. Wiping tears from your cheeks as rapidly as they fell, you reached your car and slid inside. The ignition rolled over quickly allowing for your quick getaway, not once stopping to see that Jake had almost reached you. 

He watched you speed by, chest heaving from running as fast as he could to try and catch you. He turned around and kicked the nearest object, a frustrated groan ripped through his throat. Had he been sober, the pain from kicking the fire hydrant would’ve instantly washed over him, but he was far from sober. He’d be feeling that in the morning.

Jake was so crossfaded that he almost didn’t realize that he was staring back into your eyes for a split second. Staring directly into your eyes while Amber literally threw herself at him. 

In his defense, she had come out of nowhere and just sat on his lap thirty seconds prior to you showing up. He definitely did not enjoy her company, and was just about to tell her to get lost. While he didn’t want you to get the wrong idea, seeing as he wanted to be with you, he also felt terrible that it had been Amer of all people perched on his lap. He felt horrible thinking about the look on your face, how you must be feeling. Of course you didn’t know that though, and he had no idea what he was going to do. 

You, on the other hand, drove straight home. Tears flooded your eyes and rolled down your cheeks continuously, making it incredibly hard to see the road. It was painful enough to see another girl wrapped around him, but for it to be Amber? That was like a punch to the gut. 

Thankfully you made it home safely, pulling into your apartment complex roughly thirty-five minutes later, and you throwing your car in park. You sat in silence for a few moments, just breathing in and out deeply to calm yourself. With your eyes closed you focused on your breathing until a light illuminated the dark space. 

Taking a deep breath you opened your eyes to find that the light was coming from your phone. A litany of texts coming through never allowing the screen to dim. Each one was from Jake. 

You picked up your phone, but did not dare open any of the texts. Instead, you pocketed it and made your way outside of the vehicle as lightning cracked across the sky, and rain drizzled down from the heavens softly while you made your way towards your apartment. 

You were glad the rain was more of a misting than anything else, otherwise you would’ve been soaked to the bone. However you knew a downpour was sure to follow the thunder that clapped and lightning that cracked overhead. 

When you finally made it into your apartment you rid yourself of the uncomfortable party clothes. These were not the clothes to cry and wallow in while you watched shitty, sappy rom-coms. You slid a pair of sleep shorts up your legs and threw a baggy, worn t-shirt over your upper body followed by a pair of fuzzy socks. You cleaned your face of any makeup that had been applied earlier and washed it as you normally would before bed, taking your time to indulge in the small self care act. 

When all of that was done, you made your way into your living room, plucking your most comfortable and soft blanket from the ladder next to your tv, wrapping it around your shoulders. You made your way further into the living room and plopped down onto the sofa, snuggling further into the plush blanket. Out of habit and feeling the need to self-sooth, you put on said shitty rom-com, one you knew almost every line to.

The rain from outside had picked up considerably now, large, heavy raindrops pelting against your windows. While the dim light from your kitchen lit most of the living room with soft lighting, the rapid lightning from the storm starkly illuminated the space every few minutes. Thunder boomed loudly, shaking the walls around you, and wind slammed rain against the brick outside. 

It was oddly comforting. 

However what was not comforting was the knock that sounded from your door, barely audible above the storm that raged outside.

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Moon To Me Masterlist

join my taglist!

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[inseasofgreen]

(holds mic out) Can we have an insight with regards to your naming schemes and how you come up with them? Your collection of names are quite unique, cohesive, and impressive for me!

A lot of tears and vocal stims (only half joking) but yes!! I am one of those readers/writers who adores names “fantasy” names. I will die on the hill that “Overlord Zurkuth” is better than “Overlord Dan”

I’ll going to using my countries Ivaenia, Saevi, Vultis, and Zenier as the examples for this first bit.

So for my name schemes in regards to POTO, a lot of them derive from a the simular letters/sounds. I had in mind that I wanted them to all be variations of the same “language.” A lot like how Latin is. For POTO the language isn’t real (yet) but I wanted it to be believable. As it’s pretty obvious with the country names, a lot of ‘ae’ ‘v’ ‘i”. That’s the kinda back bone of the fictional language, which I then gave their own little spins to. Giving them their own different, but same feel to them. It also helped flesh out the language even more, giving it a lot of S’s and Z’s— which more on that later. As for how I got to the final names, I went through a lot of Generators and found even more sounds I liked. I also looked up different languages and listen to the sounds of their words through google translate. Another big help is dissecting real life words, much like I did with the generator. Even better if they have meanings that a line with said culture. The city Pyros in POTO is ripped straight from pyromaniac. The most associated character with Pryos is Zemorri, who is associated with fire and dragons. Now that I have an even better base of my language, I moved on to Character names.

For this part, I’m going to use Zrato/Irayo, Zaentriaean, Iveaenian, and Oscai names.

So back to my mention of S’s and Z’s. In my little fictional Latin, I decided that S and Z were once the same letter, but as the people who spoke the language moved around the Nite Region, they became two separate sounds and letters. A very weird bit of lore, but it helps tie it all together in my opinion. The Z tends to be used in Vultis the majority of the time, and S everywhere else. Vultis takes a lot of inspiration from ancient middle east, think Sumerians, Babylonians, Assyrians, and Persians. So I based their language off of modern day Arabic and Farsi, with a hint of Hindi as Vultis is a very large country (an empire if we’re being real here) and so I wanted different regions to have different vibes. So mixing all of that together, there’s so much to pull from, along with my fictional Latin to help guide me. There’s so much that goes into a Zrato/Irayo name because of how much I pull from, so I’ll go over the more notable names. Obviously, we have Zemorri, which have the “Ze” we see a lot. “Morri” actually came from Momemto Mori because it fit his character arc well. From Zemorri, I got Zevetta, which is a bit more melodic than most of the Zrato/Irayo names, but I ended up giving her region of Vultis more melodic names, so it works in my mind. I also got Xenari, Nazari both following similar melodic vibes. Ivemaar, “i” and “v” fit within the scheme, and “maar” come from the Farsi influence (also apparently means snake.) There’s a few odd ones that I got just some combining random sounds until I got something I liked, that being Qhuirex and Rhiari.

So Zaentriaean names tend to have the typical elf feel. I decided they would favor the “ae” sound, and pretty much ran with that. I did draw inspiration of Valerian names from ASOIAF, because they’re so pretty. As for how I come up with them, I will literally sit and combine all sorts of mashed up words until I think it sounds pretty.

So I actually already had Sciosa as a name from a long ago scrapped wip when I was in middle school, so how I thought of it I couldn’t say. But it did give me some great material for Ivaenian names. I was able to play around with the S and Ci of it, which got me Cyren, Cyn. I love the way “il” sounds and looks, so I combined it with is ‘os’ from Sciosa, and I already had two names with y. So “Ilyos” was born. Ryon is literally just Ryan but I didn’t want to just name him Ryan, and A’s are more Zaentiraeal than Ivaenia, so I swapped the a for o, which is littered through out Ivaenia names. Ivaenia still has some of the Zaentiraeal feel to it, and so some of their names to have “ae.” My thought process is those closest to the kings off dawn king to have more names influenced by the kings of dawn. The further removed, ei. A commoner, or nobility that lives to the north and thus closer to Zenier, the more Zaentriaean their names will be. The Kings of Dawn are often thought of as gods living amoung mortals, and with the common practice of not naming your kid too closely to a god’s name, I can see commoner’s erring onto the side of caution, while nobility who is around the chaotic family, feel like they are on the same playing field. (I have mentioned Nelia and Nae’lia in a previous post but that is the only exception to the practice)

Oscai names! So this one is actually the most straight foward. They’re all Latin, or Latin-esque names. I throw in a few C’s S’s V’s and so on from the other names, but they all derive from Latin.

Okay! I hope this was helpful, I tried to explain my thought process behind it all. It’s really just a bunch of sounds and me sitting at my desk talking gibberish to myself until something sticks. There’s also a lot of world building and lore behind it all which I think plays a big part. But my best advice is find languages, fictional or real, and dissect them into sounds you like. Okay I’m actually done now. I need food.

Good luck!

[lyon-amore]

What if...? Duskwood Chapter 37

Chapter 36 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  

*Macie POV*

I feel like a fool for getting so angry and nervous. But at the same time, the guilt of not having been paying attention drags me down. The more I talked to Thomas, the more I calmed down. He loves Hannah very much and fears that she is dead. Like Richy. He's freaking out every time we find out something else, powerless not to do something. I read the chat I've had with him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Thomas Hanna is dead. And so is Richy The others are just trying to ignore all the facts. And I’ve really tried But I can’t I just can’t do it anymore

 Macie Thomas, listen to me Amy was found, but Hannah wasn’t This is a relatively good sign ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I try to believe the words I have sent him. I want to believe that Hannah is alive because of Jake and Lilly. Everything else doesn't matter to me. The matter with Jennifer has nothing to do with what I'm investigating, that's what the police will take care of when this is all over.

 Thomas hates being in the house hiding and not being able to do anything. I know. I understand. I hated that I couldn't do anything for Jake when he wasn't around, and even though the I Am Jake article and photo worked, I felt like I didn't really do anything. Just hide behind words. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Thomas Macie? If you were Hannah If you had done something so horrible in your past Would you have told your partner? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I keep reading the question. I don't think I've ever done anything wrong… I think… I don't want to blame myself for that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Yes I think I would And I would expect the same from my partner ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I watch Jake fixing access to the phone. He told me the truth. He told me that the government is persecuting him for getting into things where he shouldn't. Since then, I think that confidence in both has been improving.

I put my hand to my neck, but this time I don't think about the kidnapper, but about Jake, at bath time. Little by little we are getting closer, but... It seems that fate always interrupts us when we are about to get closer or I get nervous when he jokes. Will we ever break that barrier?    "You are more calm?" He asks me from the computer.    "Yes... I'm better... Sorry..."    “Do not apologize, Macie” I hear him sigh “, I know I pushed you pressure on the phone, I am sorry."     Well, at least he always ends up apologizing when he knows he makes mistakes. But I also know that this phone is important to communicate with the kidnapper. Without him, I cannot write to him. It is the only way to try to reason.

I get a message from the group and smile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Cleo Right Dan and I are finally arrive

 Macie Then you’re all there no

 Cleo Yes 🙂

 Dan What’s the stich? You got a free in bed or something? 

Macie Haven't you been in bed long enough?

 Dan I’ll give you that one ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Before arriving, they had taken a detour at the accident area. Dan's idea. The poor thing for having been in bed all this time that he had not been able to help us much. I can partly understand it, it's a bit boring to do nothing and be wanting.

Cleo has told me that she suspect that they have not kicked him out of the hospital already, but that he has left on his own and it would not surprise me at all, knowing how I have known Dan, I see him very capable of having done it. He would have to be doing rehabilitation to walk again. He's going to give me a nervous breakdown with this whole group at this rate.

I sit up in bed and look out the window. Night is starting to fall. The sun is already hiding. I let out a long, exaggerated melodramatic sigh.    "It's been a long day, right?" I tell Jake.    “I agree with you” he admits without looking up “even though it is ranked number two on the long-day list."    "So there's a first."    “Depending on how it ends, it will still be number two."     He sounds very tired… I wish I could do something for him. I'm going to the forum again. I don't know how many posts I've read and commented on today but I think I've broken my record to my teenager ages.    "Macie?" I look up when I hear him call me "I have done it" I get up from the bed, approaching him ". We have access to Hannah's cell phone again."    “Good, that means I don't have to strangle Thomas.” I say as I hug him from behind, stroking his hair lovingly.    "No, I suppose you can spare his life." he answers with a laugh.     I roll my eyes, laughing too. I get a text and see it's Lilly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Lilly Hi Macie I saw you were online I'm not interrupting you two anyway, am I?

 Macie Mmm… I don't know I don't know….😜

 Lilly 🤭

 Macie No, don’t worry

 Lilly I don't want to keep you But we’ve just lit the fire and Thomas just went to get his guitar So I wanted to give you two a heads-op so that you’ll be on your phone 🙂

 Macie Thanks for letting us know, Lilly. That’s something we are not going to miss for the world 😁

 Lilly Haha, right 🙂  I thought you two could do a with a bit of a distraction, too Like all of us Ok. I'll call you 🤭 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  “I just read through Hannah's browsing history.” He moves to invite me to sit down and I do. Can I say without a doubt that I never need another seat in my entire life? Sitting on top of him is enough for me.    "I already did that too." I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.     He smiles proudly at me. Ah… It's good that it is for me…    “One of the last pages Hannah visited was that of  the Pine Glade festival.” He brings up the website, and I pay attention "Michael Hanson mentioned it in connection with his daughter disappearance."    "Yes, I remember" I answered, remembering the audio with Alan "The Aurora was packed because of the festival, that’s why he had no time for Jennifer…” I drawl out slowly, until I remember why I was really here. Because of work. For the article. But not only that. It was something more important "Jake, that festival is tomorrow!"     I see you frown, thinking.    “I think you should ask the others about the Pine Glade festival” he commands me with a new task ", and the one ten years ago, to be exact."    "Nobody will remember" I commented a little doubtfully ". Who knows how everyone was that day ten years ago..."    "I sincerely hope not, but for trying" He brushes my hair back from my face, stroking me carefully ", and even if they remember only fragments, we must understand how this accident came to pass, and I believe that Hannah was probably at the festival with one of your friends."    "Yeah, I think so too..."     Lilly's video call interrupts us and I look at Jake, smiling.    "Access my phone from the computer." I tell him excitedly.    "Why?" What is happening?    "Just do it, I promise to watch from my phone so they don't see you."     He looks at me a little doubtfully, but he does. I accept the video call and the first thing I see is Thomas playing the guitar. The fire from the bonfire is like going through the screen, I can feel the heat. I smile when I see the quiet group and my gaze accidentally drifts to the computer, to see it much better. Jessy seems intent on listening to the guitar music, her eyes closed. Cleo seems to be thinking, surely Hannah and her mother, she had to leave Duskwood to protect herself. Then there's Dan, in his wheelchair drinking whiskey. I have to have a serious talk with him when I can, I'm quite worried about his health. But there they are all together... Protected... Calm...

I sigh when Thomas finishes and the video call hangs up.    “Well then.” I hear Jake say.    "Well, I like it." I commented, placing my head on his chest.     I look up and see that he smiles. It's finally a relaxed moment for us too.    "Let's give them a little more time to rest" I commented, not wanting to rush them by still asking about the festival "Just a little bit…"    "Alright."    “Which means” I rise from him, grinning “we deserve it too."     He looks at me without much desire.    "Come on Jake, you've been busy getting Hannah's phone back and I almost killed Thomas" he laughs and I continues "so we're going to have our own proper break, too."    "Alright" I see that he puts on an interested look "And what is your plan?"    “Let's dance” he rolls his eyes and I turn around to prepare one of my playlists "and I won't take no for an answer."     When I turn to see him, I find him already standing before me, offering me his hand. I look at him shyly, I thought it was going to cost me, but no. What a surprise. I accept his hand and place the other on his shoulder, while he places one on my waist. We move slowly while Ed Sheeran's 'How do you feel' starts playing in the background. The atmosphere could not be more romantic.    "You really would like to be with them right now, would you not?" He asks me slowly "I have seen it on your face."     I make a face doubting whether to answer or not. But I can't fool you.    "Yes, I’d like that a lot." I say a little sadly "I want to protect them."    "They will be far from Duskwood, don't worry."    "Wouldn't you like to be there too?" I ask at the same time that he makes me spin on the spot. I thought that he didn't know how to dance and that's why he had pouted. I wonder who taught him.    “I think would feel incredibly out of place."    "But you wouldn't be" I reach out to him, trying to wrap my arms around his neck, though I manage to grab my hands. But it's okay, because we're pretty close together "You’d be exactly where you belong" I whisper, looking into his eyes, little by little it's hard for me to breathe ", with them... With me..."     Jake eases his hand down my face, up to my lips, resting his thumb under them. He fixes his eyes on mine, intense. He leans in slowly as he also tilts my chin up, our lips brushing against each other.    "You give me the feeling of belonging somewhere for the first time in my life..."     I don't know which of the two takes the step. I don't know if he or me. But finally our lips meet. It's a slow kiss, one of those you see in the movies and you don't want them to ever stop, because it was what you most expected to see. I try not to be clumsy, because I don't even remember how to kiss, I let him guide me a bit, although… I also notice him nervous.

 In the end, we managed to calm our nerves and I even ran my hands through his hair, making sounds of satisfaction as I felt his tongue play with mine. Jake runs his hands down my back, down to below my waist. He pulls me so close to him that it's like I'm going to melt into his body.

There comes a time when we need air and with a little sadness we separate a little. I can see it in his eyes. The desire. Will he see them in mine too? As if he understood me, I nod and slowly we approach the bed. He takes his hands to my blouse and begins to unbutton it and while I unbutton his pants. We later exchanged the task, until we were exposed. He stares at me, running his hand over my shoulder.    "Please…" I say, in a pleading voice "Please don't stop now…"    “I wanted to completely admire you” he answers, slowly starting to lay me down on the bed ", I have never been with an angel."     He takes my breath away listening to him speak. I don't hesitate to kiss him again, hugging him against my body.

 It has been even better than in my dreams. Jake's hands have traveled all over my body, leaving no place without being caressed. And now I can say with more certainty that he is good with his hands. But it's not just that, it was because of the affection that he treated me, although his eyes looked hungry, he was as careful as possible, even when he left kisses on my neck, telling me that he was going to make me forget about the pain. Sometimes I even begged him to kiss me, I envy my body, it was being kissed by him, but my lips wanted another kiss. Another kiss that silenced my moans. Ah… He really knew how to handle the situation. Had he also dreamed of this? Had he wanted it too? I think from the way he pronounced my name, he seemed like he had been doing it all his life. Or so I wanted to believe.

 I had finally felt contact with his skin. My hands had run up his back, I was lucky I have short fingernails or he would be marked by me from how tightly I gripped to him.

 The music plays all over the room, it's romantic, slow. It's the perfect environment right now. I admire him as I lie on top of him and his hand slowly caresses my back. I can't stop smiling, I think I already know how it feels when you do things with love.    "What are you thinking about?" He asks me, giving me a smile.    "That I don't want tonight to end." I answered, approaching him a little more up to get to his face "And you?" I ask, tracing circles on his body.    "That you are better than the government and everyone who is after me." he says with a laugh.    "Why?"    "Because you were the only one to catch me."     I kissed him intensely after hearing his words. Jake tries to pull me closer to him, as if that's possible. There was not a gap between us. We were finally where we wanted. Together. If all the breaks we are going to have are like this, I think I will want to work a lot more to have this reward.

 My phone rings and I complain. I didn't want the job so soon.    "They claim you." he whispers into my lips.    "They can wait." I replied, giving him little kisses.    "Maybe it is about the case."     I grumbled. He's right. It can be important. I sit up getting out of bed, then I fall into something for a moment.    "Did you do it to see me standing up and naked?" I ask curiously.    "No, I swear." He replies, sitting up on the bed.     I frown, approaching him with the phone, seeing how he now smiles mischievously. I sit on top of him, kissing him again before seeing the message. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan What’s up honey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "It's Dan." I replied, resting my head on his chest.     I listen as Jake grumbles, reading it.    "Hey, I am going to take a shower, can you watch the computer?" He asks me, pointing "And so you talk a little with your friend." I hear how he drags the word and I laugh.    "Okay, as soon as I'm done, I'll go." I replied, letting her get up.    "Do not let him entertain you too much." I see his back as he picks up new clothes. The famous tattoo I can finally see it completely.     I bite my lip when I see him. It's much better than I imagined.    “Stop looking at me like that.” he tells me, even though his back is turned.    "It's not my fault you're so sexy." I tell him, sitting up on my knees in bed.     Jake leans in and kisses me, caressing my body slowly.    "Do not be long..." he whispered.    "I won't…"     He separates from me going to the bathroom and I admiring him. I grabbed his sweatshirt from the floor and put it on to cover me while I got cold, sitting in the chair to talk to Dan. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie That’s Macie to you

 Dan You have taken a long time to answer Where were you? In the bathroom? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     <<No, with the sexiest guy in the world.>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Doing some exercise to defeat the man without a face 😜

 Dan Haha, very good that one! Aren’t we in a merry mood today You have no idea how good it is to finally by out of that hellhole of hospital

 Macie I think ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 He hands me a picture of him with his Wishkey glass in hand. Well, despite everything, I'm glad he's okay… But I'm mad at him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie So, what’s up with that fancy new wheelchair you’ve got?

 Dan Don’t know what you mean ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I pass him the proof that Cleo sent me. He's not going to get away from this. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dan Hahaha Do you like it?

 Macie But that’s just temporary, right?

 Dan Yeah ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I try to get him to confess that he had left the hospital. What was he thinking? He still had a little more to recover, it was okay to wait a bit. At least in the hospital he was safe. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie Why would you do this?!

 Dan You’re one to talk I’d have expected you to be here before me Because you are in Duskwood And you're all alone You aren’t the one who should be angry with me, but the other way around

 Macie Hey! Don't give it back to me! Unfortunately mine is for work I have to get up early But I accept your concern, Dan, even though I'm fine. 

Dan How not to worry, little detective If it had been you instead of me You would have done the same

 Macie Maybe, who knows Probably 😒 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe if Jake and I hadn't met here, I probably would have gone with them. I knew that at the moment he can't show himself to more people, too risky. Only three people know what Jake looks like: Hannah, Lilly, and me. The people closest to him at the moment. And it's risky enough for him to do it. It will always be so.

Dan hands me a photo of the girls and Thomas, talking quietly by the campfire, though Thomas seems a little more lost in thought of him. Thinking about our conversation for sure. In Hannah. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie So it's about protecting others? I warn you, if anything happens to you...

 Dan Then what?

 Macie Then I'll personally make sure you never leave that wheelchair again

 Dan Oh my I’m much more afraid of you than of that raven dude. Totally If that feathered freak really comes here Then I’m the only one who’d have the guts to do anything And you know it And I owe it to Richy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I massage my temple. Unbelievable… Dan was risking perhaps losing his life a second time. And by the least indicated person. Still, he's an incredibly cool guy, I have to admit. When he doesn't go stupid and open up, you can clearly see that he's not like everyone else thinks too. I don't know, I think  of him as the older brother of the group. I welcome him to the group of detectives and he laughs.

 We received a group message, Cleo wants a meeting with everyone.

 I wait for the news when I get a message from Hannah's phone. There was a connection again and I was already starting to ask myself when he would text me again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Unknown Do you remember what I told you on the phone? I'm coming, Macie And I am going to kill them all

 Hannah I won't let you I really feel sorry for you I understand you At least I’m trying to understand you It’s been ten long years You saw no other way of finding peace Give up and tell me where you are ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bite my nail, nervous. Hoping my words work. He don't have to go through with this. Just that everything comes out honestly. It will make his situation worse if he continues like this, he won't look any better than Hannah.

 I get the messages. Messages that scare me to read. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Unknown I set a trap for you And you didn’t even realized *Jake POV* 

I did not think I would break the rule I set for myself about not involving my feelings towards someone when I had to leave home. I was alone for four years. No friends, no family, no co-workers… No one. Me and my mental conversations. Changing places every month. There was nothing I cared about and I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself. 

Well, that day I met her, the days I spent with her, that rule was breaking more and more and the barrier that I imposed on me became thinner. 

Tonight I have forgotten all the rules written in my head to feel Macie in my arms. I have forgotten why I am really here or what I had done in the past to end up losing everything. Because she has made me feel that I do not need anything more than her to be complete. 

I have loved every part of her and I have not been able to restrain myself from whispering her name on some occasions or kissing her neck so as not to leave any trace of what that man did to her. Now only the traces of kisses that I had left her remained. There is nothing about her that I have forgotten to caress or kiss.

Macie is taking a while to come to the bathroom, could something have happened to the group? Has something happened to Lilly? I finished showering and I grab the towel, wrapping it around my waist. When I come out, I see her sitting on the chair with my sweatshirt on. It's quite big on her... I do not know if I will want to wash it now that she is wearing her scent.    "Is everything alright, Macie?" I ask concerned "You took a long time."    "Yes, sorry, the talk with Dan has been extended."     I lean towards her and kiss her. Every time I do it, my mind does not think of anything other than making her mine again... Does that sound bad? I do not want to sound possessive, but I can not stop thinking about something else right now.    "Now I'm the one asking you if you're okay." She tells me with a laugh.    "I was… thinking."    "Oh yeah?" Macie stands up, playing with my towel. She is tempting me too much "in what?"    "I'm sure you already know that." I whispered, starting to slowly pull the sweatshirt up.     We are going to kiss again and her cell phone rings. I see on the screen that it is a video call with Lilly. Just in case, I back off a bit.    “Hello Lilly.” Macie says, sitting up on the bed.     I sit next to her, watching closely.    "Hi Macie." I see her looking everywhere "Are you “busy”?"    "It depends on the definition." she replies, looking at me with tempting eyes.     I try not to get nervous, because on top of that, it is my sister she is talking to. Now I do not know if I prefer that they get along like before so as not to go through this or that they be friends so that I do not have to worry about the situation of splitting myself in two.    "Well, I'm sorry to spoil your moment" she sighs, genuinely annoyed for interrupting us. "In case you didn’t see it in the group chat, Cleo just ask us to come in to discuss something.” She focuses on the ground for a second "I thought that you shouldn't be excluded and that's why I called you."     She walks into the house and we see Cleo and Thomas sitting up and Dan in the wheelchair. A 'What going in?' had been heard in the distance. Jessica.    "Guys, I called Macie too" Lilly announces "she's also part of the group and she's probably interested it."     I see that she turns the cell phone around for them to greet her.    “Hello Macie” Cleo says “. I'm glad Lilly brought you over too."    "I never miss a party, even if it's virtually." she replies, in an amused tone.     I avoid laughing so they won't hear me.    "Well, this party is over" Cleo looks angry, her arms crossed. I do not like this ". Sit down” she tells him, looking at Jessica ". So I was actually looking for a lighter, but instead, I found this." She turns a little and takes out a gun naturally, leaving it on the table.   I watch Macie look worriedly at the gun. Jessica gets up scared and Dan adjusts his glasses to see the gun.    "What the f-" Jessy has a terrified look on her face.    "Is this a real one?" Thomas asks, in a tone of genuine surprise.    “Yep.” Dan picks up the gun for a second and puts it down again.    "Well? Whose is it?" Cleo asks, pointing at it.    “Definitely not mine.” Jessica replies.     Macie seems to scan their faces, looking for the person who had taken it. Some reaction. Dan is completely calm and Thomas shakes his hands.

In the background we begin to hear the slight sound of a cell phone.    "You hear that?" Jessica asks, looking at them all. "It's coming from the hallway."     One by one they begin to move away from the table, except for Dan who does it slowly because of his wheelchair.    “Hannah's phone.” Thomas says.     He is the first to enter the room and turn on the light. He could hear the phone much more closely thanks to Lilly.    "A call..."    Jessica goes over to the phone to see who she is and she looks at them confused.    "No number." she says, not knowing what to do.    “Pick it up.” Cleo orders.     Frightened, Jessica accepts the call.    "Hello?"    "I know where you are now!" A distorted voice sounds through the other line "You were too confident, but you fell into my trap."    "What?" I see Macie's face, expression completely changing. She was beginning to be afraid for her friends.     I go straight to the computer, to see how he could possibly know where they are now.    "I'm coming now" I hear Michael's words clenching my teeth angrily ", and then I am going to end this."    "What the-" I hear Jessica say, after that a scream.    "Guys?!" Macie yells.     I move away from the computer to get closer to her.    "What's going on?" I ask nervously.    "I-I don't know! The lights!"    "Stay on the cell phone." I commanded as I returned to the computer, to find out why he knew where they were.

    According to the data, it seemed that the cell phone's GPS was the cause of the location. Shit, it was my fault, I should have paid attention. I try to see what other things they could also have located and I read some messages. Macie had talked to Michael. And she hadn't told me. I look at her and she seems more relieved looking at the phone screen.

 Why have she been keeping these messages from Michael from me?

Chapter 38

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 10

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 10: Wild Horses

The following morning, Noah and Mark made him breakfast and hugged him before leaving for work. Phil smiled at the thought that Mark and Noah sometimes acted like his stand-in parents; he was glad that they never made him feel like a third wheel and that Noah was so wonderful, just accepting their friendship and joining instead of trying to break them apart.

Taking a deep breath, Phil thought about the day ahead. He was not going to check his phone for any sign of Dan because he knew that it would probably take a few days for him to reach out. If he put it into his head that today was the day Dan would text, he would only get anxious. Instead, he went for a morning walk after breakfast, bought lunch and came back home to work on his next video. He considered it for a moment. If Dan really wanted to go on with the project he’d mentioned, it would bring his own sexuality into question, so why not take the opportunity to make a coming out video of his own?

To be fair, Phil wasn’t really in the closet, everyone knew. Or most people knew anyway, he just didn’t announce it. Maybe it was time for a change. 

He grabbed a notebook and started the script titled “Coming Out To You.” It was a bit sassy but it was the truth; Phil wasn’t coming out in general, this was just for his viewers, for them to know a bit more about him, to feel loved and accepted, and to open the door to that conversation. This would come with the added bonus of finally being able to make gay jokes on his channel and it would also probably cost him some sponsors, but if he couldn’t afford to come out with so many subscribers and after 10 years on the platform, what was the point?

He made this script his lifeline, a mental escape from his reality and the imminent wrecking ball to his mental stability that Dan’s text could potentially be. He paused briefly to consider what he would do if Dan backed out of his own project or on wanting to name Phil. He decided that he had made himself to focus on the video so much that he was going to work on it anyway.

It took 3 more days for Dan to contact him. By Sunday, Phil was starting to worry, despite his attempt to avoid thinking about Dan. Maybe the problem was that the script was ready and he had even chosen an outfit to film in. Luckily, just as he was finishing his lunch, Dan texted through Messenger.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Alright,” Phil replied.

“Really? Just like that?”

“That’s what we agreed on when we last spoke and my friends think that I should talk to you.”

“Mark?” Dan asked and Phil could hear the jealous tone even in written form.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Partially. His boyfriend said that we should talk. Mark didn’t comment on it but said that he would break your legs if you hurt me.”

“I see,” Dan replied. “Where would you like to meet?”

“You can come to my flat.”

“Does Mark still live with you? I need my legs.”

“Planning on hurting me?”

“Technically I already have so I am looking out for myself.”

“I like how you used technically right there.”

“I feel like if we continue this conversation in writing it will not end well for me, so please give me your address and let me know when I can come over.”

Phil sent his address and paused for a moment. “You can come over today, any time that works for you.”

“Thank you. I will take a shower and take a taxi.” 

Phil reacted to the message with crazy eyes.

“Don’t react me,” Dan said, making him laugh.

An hour and a half later, the doorbell rang and Phil checked himself in the mirror before opening the door. “Hi,” he said, sounding almost shy.

Dan smiled at him, probably relieved to see that Phil was not immediately angry at him. “Hi,” he said and handed him a Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks. 

Phil looked at his cup and thought back to the endless hours they had shared at Starbucks back in Manchester. “Thank you.”

“I just figured this would make it so you don’t have to keep making us drinks that we forget to drink,” Dan said and stepped inside, looking around already. “This is nice.”

Phil resisted the urge to remind Dan that this was supposed to be their shared flat. He had never sent Dan the link to the ad because he was already distant towards him. “Yeah.”

“I’m glad that YouTube has been good to you.”

He smiled and didn’t comment.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Nothing.”

Dan raised one eyebrow at him. “Really, Lester?”

Phil sighed. “I moved into this apartment in 2013 to take the job at the BBC and paid one year of rent upfront in cash with my savings.”

“Oh, this is the one… I didn’t know. You don’t really show your flat a lot in videos.”

Phil’s lips formed a tiny O as he caught onto that tidbit of information. “So you still watch my videos.”

Dan blushed. “I’ve always been your fan,” he said, and for once, he wasn’t being sarcastic or trying to sound edgy. “Are we going to sit somewhere or are we just going to stand here by the door?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Come on. Let’s sit on the sofa and drink these before they go cold.” He took a few sips as they walked for good measure. Phil let Dan sit and joined him on the sofa, taking a spot near him, but leaning back against the armrest to avoid any awkward touching. Besides, from this spot, he could really look at Dan without it being so obvious. His eyes followed the outline of Dan’s nose, his dry lips, his rosy patch and all the way down to his black sequin jacket that was catching the afternoon sun and projecting rainbows around the room. 

“So…” Dan said.

Phil stayed silent and just gave him a look, indicating that he should start.

Dan swallowed and gave a small nod. “I gave your analysis of everything a lot of thought and I couldn’t untangle it alone, so I called my therapist and booked an emergency session, which turned into almost 3 and then I continued on my own,” he said. “I believe you were right. I thought that I had everything fairly processed so this caught me off guard. I was so mad at myself for not seeing it sooner.”

“I’m glad that you agree.”

“This whole situation, meeting you in a random street in London… it brought so many memories and, honestly, so many issues back.” He took a sip of his drink and continued, his eyes looking around the room, avoiding Phil’s eyes. “I thought that I had it together and I liked the life I was living, but then I saw you and - I’m not over you.” He finally looked into Phil’s eyes with an openness that made Phil shiver. “It was so easy to see when I was not focusing on helping other people, when you were no longer just part of my past, so I had a mental breakdown.”

Phil tried not to smile but failed miserably. Even if it amounted to nothing, and even though he might not have wanted to admit it to himself the first time he heard it, he was happy to know that Dan still had feelings for him. It almost sounded too good to be true.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Dan asked, frowning.

“I am saying many things - inside my head.” He sipped on his coffee and set it back on the coffee table.

“Care to share with the class?”

“Fine,” Phil huffed. “I thought that I was over you because I’ve tried my best to not even think about you, but Noah said that it’s obvious that I have not moved on and other things I am not going to repeat. And I realised that he’s right.” He paused, doubting on whether he should really say it but seeing Dan in front of him, nearly holding his breath, made him take that leap of faith. “I had managed to convince myself that everything was fine, but no. Happy?”

“Very,” Dan said with a gorgeous smile. “Do you think we can try again? I would like to see where this goes and if it doesn’t work out, I would still like to stay friends.” He reached out once again, just like he had a few days ago, waiting for Phil’s reaction.

Phil looked at him, hesitating briefly and nodded, taking Dan’s hand and lacing their fingers together before setting their joined hands on his leg. Then, a thought crossed his mind. “What about Sebastian?” he asked. “Isn’t he your boyfriend?” 

“Not anymore. I thought I was happy with him, but there was never a chance that I would choose him over you and he knew that even before me,” Dan said, chewing on his lip for a moment. “He actually broke up with me before I could even think about it.”

“Oh,” Phil said, trying to not sound happy about it.

“He was right to break up with me,” Dan said, downing the rest of his coffee and setting the cup down. “It’s ok. When I came home from the play and he had moved out I felt relief. That’s a horrible thing to say, Phil. But it’s the truth.”

“How long had you been together?”

“Almost a year.”

“Never made it that long with anyone,” Phil blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Really?” Dan frowned.

“They weren’t you,” Phil said, watching Dan’s gleeful smile appear at the comment. “I stopped going out, I stopped hooking up with random guys. At this point, I could almost qualify as a virgin again.”

Dan smirked and his eyes darkened. “I doubt that.”

Phil knew that look well. “Behave,” he said, squeezing Dan’s hand. “We can’t just pick up where we left off. Things don’t work that way. Last time we rushed into it and it got complicated.”

“That’s true but -” Dan pouted.

“No buts. Let’s just hang out and see how we feel about it. See where it goes, if it goes anywhere.”

“Alright,” Dan said, but the air around them was still charged. “Let’s play some games.”

Phil smiled and let out a sigh of relief, he was hanging onto the will to resist Dan’s lustful eyes from a thread. He wanted it too, but not just for a day. He wasn’t going to repeat that mistake. There was still a chance that Dan would freak out again. He reluctantly let go of Dan’s hand. “Mario Kart?”

“Always,” Dan smiled.

Phil turned the console on and reached for his coffee, downing the last third of it.

“You still haven’t finished it?”

“No, you know I forget I’m drinking something and I finish it when I remember it.” He grabbed a cup containing half of his morning coffee and finished it as well just to prove a point. “This was my breakfast.”

“Come on, man!” Dan said. “Get it together!”

Phil winked at him with both eyes, sending Dan into a fit of laughter. Fuck, Phil had missed that sound. The hyena laugh.

To the surprise of no one, Dan won most of the races until Phil decided to slide closer to him and lay partially against him. Slowly but surely, Dan started to shift his attention from the game towards Phil, giving him little touches, playing with his hair and eventually, just pulling him to sit on his lap. That was the moment they dropped the controllers and just put on a random Studio Ghibli movie. 

Dan was fully enjoying messing with Phil’s hair, giving him odd hairdos. He ran his fingers through it, pushing it into a quiff. “I like your hair pushed back.”

“Did you just quote Regina George to me?”

Dan barked out a laugh. “I think I did.”

“I know you did,” Phil said, poking Dan’s tummy. It was so soft. Phil wanted to lift his T-shirt and look at it.

“You look so gorgeous, Phil,” Dan mumbled. “I hope you don’t mind me saying it. You were always hot but right now you’re just stunning. I can’t cope with that.”

“Me?” Phil said and paused. If he told Dan what he was thinking about his body, things were going to get out of hand, so he reformulated. “Your curly hair suits you so well and your back looks so good too. You look so strong now.”

“Thanks, I think I finally hit puberty,” Dan laughed. “Do you really like my hair like this?”

Phil nodded. “It’s perfect. So pretty,” he said looking at Dan over his shoulder.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s frame and dropped a small kiss to the tip of his nose.

Phil pressed his back to Dan’s chest and dropped his head back just so, their breaths mixing together as they got lost in each other’s eyes, the moment held them captive. Phil swallowed and cleared his throat, giving him a wide smile before looking away. It was not time yet. “How is your video idea coming along?” he asked instead.

“I paused it until we could discuss it again.”

“I like it a lot. I started a script of my own.”

“Oh?”

Phil finally got up from Dan’s lap and went in search of his notebook. He found it laying on his bed, uncapped pen at its side and everything. No, there was not a blue dot on his sheets, thank you for asking. “Here,” he said, handing it over to Dan.

Dan’s eyes widened when he read the title but he kept going, laughing here and there until he reached the end and looked up at Phil. “I love it. It’s much more detailed than your usual draft. Or - more detailed than what you used to write long ago.”

“I still draft the same way, it’s just for this project. I want to say the right thing and keep it brief, you know?”

Dan nodded. “I was thinking about hiring an editor, some are not as expensive as I’d thought. And for visuals… Do you remember Hector from Shittywatercolour? The one who made illustrations of us back in the day? I contacted him and can you believe that he agreed to do some illustrations for it?” He let out a deep sigh and shook his head, twirling a paper napkin between his fingers. “There are almost no people following me anymore, I’m below a million, so this is just for me. I need this video, or a part of me will always feel inside the closet no matter what  I do.”

“ I understand,” Phil said. “Are you scared of your family’s reaction?”

Dan shook his head. “I emailed them last week.”

“What?”

“I kept backing out so one day I just sent them all an email. Everyone was cool except for my dad, so I cut him out of my life. No surprise there. Nana and Popsie said that it’s ok as long as I’m happy but I think they don’t get it. Hopefully they will soon so that I can flaunt you at family gatherings and vacations.”

“Really?” Phil asked. He could almost picture that, but Dan was getting a bit ahead of himself.

“Yeah,” Dan said. “For now, I would like to flaunt you in a few weeks, if you’d like to go see my play. It’s called ‘Family Disaster’ and it’s about a family crumbling as one of its members spirals. The narrator is the person spiralling so things get a bit crazy and abstract at times.”

“Sounds interesting,” Phil said. “Of course I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, Philly,” Dan said, kissing his cheek quickly.

Phil felt his heart grow twice its size inside his chest just from hearing Dan calling him Philly again.

----

Phil both loved and hated the fact that he and Dan were so compatible, now maybe even more so than before. Having grown as individuals had given them a sort of new perspective on life, yet their opinions, their humour and even their flirting had followed the same path. It was almost as if they were soulmates, just as Dan had said in the past, despite insisting that he didn't believe in any of that.

In the following weeks, proofreading and reworking Dan’s script for his “June Video” was easily overtaking his life. Dan’s passion was just that infectious and it seeped into Phil’s soul, making him even more excited over his own coming out video. At first, he didn’t want to show Dan his work because they were very different videos but Dan was so eager to see it that Phil just couldn’t deny him. 

“So you’re filming it literally inside the closet,” Dan snorted. 

“I thought the old-time viewers would appreciate the irony,” Phil said with a smirk. 

Dan leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek. “I do appreciate it, thank you for thinking about my preferences.”

“Dork.” Phil felt himself blush and couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. It was all so new yet so familiar. They were officially doing a take two on their friendship but after some debating, they decided that certain things were allowed, such as hugging, cuddling and oftentimes, hand-holding, although not in public. “I was thinking, do you think it’s still alright for me to go see your play? I mean, if we are trying to be low-key about it.”

“I doubt that anyone we know will go see it and actually notice you in the crowd,” Dan said. “But if you feel unsure about it you don’t have to go. We can totally skip that and I can come over after, if you let me have a shower though; I’ll be a sweaty boy.”

“No, it’s not that I’m unsure about it,” Phil rushed to reassure Dan. “It’s just that-” he stopped himself, not wanting to plant the seed in Dan’s mind.

“What? You can tell me,” Dan said softly.

Phil knew he would confess all his secrets to Dan if he asked in that tone. He sounded calm, open, honest, ready to discuss things maturely and willing to listen carefully. “I am a bit hesitant because… I fear that you will freak out if someone realises I’m there, and I don’t want that to happen. I want to avoid any setbacks.”

Dan nodded. “I understand, but I don’t think I will. I know that the chance always exists but I know the chance exists, but even if it were to happen, I’m ready.”

Phil pulled him into a tight hug and smiled widely, slowly swaying from side to side, taking his time to let Dan know how proud of him he was without a single word. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s shoulder. “Look for me in the audience.”

“I never stopped looking,” Dan whispered.

---

When the day for Dan’s last show came, and with the support of his friends, Phil was ready to watch the play. He, along with Mark and Noah, sneaked almost last to a decent sized theatre and took their seats in the gallery, waiting for Dan to make an appearance. 

Phil was in awe, his eyes fixated on Dan as he did such an amazing job of fleshing out his character's emotions, putting his entire body into it and not only relying on the dialogue. It was a sad play but it had a hopeful ending as ‘Tom’ underwent treatment for his mental disorder, which had gone unnamed the entire play and the family sat down to eat in a much calmer way, the lighting brighter, reminiscing of a summer afternoon in contrast to the dark and moody ambient from before.

The lights were on and the entire cast came out to bow for their audience. Phil stood and joined the crowd in the final applause. Only then did he tear his eyes away from Dan and saw Noah and Mark at his side, clapping and giving him a knowing look. 

Looking back to the stage, Phil made eye contact with Dan, who winked at him and made a head incline. Phil smiled, feeling as if the butterflies in his stomach were going to fly out of his mouth at any given moment.

Noah leaned closer. “I liked the idea of going out to dinner and finally meeting Dan but it looks like you might want some privacy.”

Phil raised one eyebrow at him and blushed but didn’t address the comment. “We can go out to dinner as we agreed.”

“Please, he has managed to sneak looks your way the entire time,” Mark said. “We can go out some other time, I’m sure he’ll stick around.”

“Really?” Phil asked. “I thought I was imagining it.”

“No, it was obvious if you knew what to look for. He was smart about it,” Noah said. “He’s a good actor.”

Phil nodded proudly. “He was a theatre kid.”

“That makes sense,” Noah said. “Well, we’ll see you another time. Keep us updated.”

Mark wrapped his arms around Noah, setting his chin on his shoulder happily. “Remind him what I said. He better be good to you.”

“Shush,” Phil said, rolling his eyes. He looked down at the stage and found Dan still staring at him with a huge smile.

----

Phil stayed in his seat until most people had left the theatre and only then went in search of  Dan at the back entrance. He whispered a brief hello and grabbed Phil’s hand, catching him by surprise, and led him to a taxi. Once they were sitting inside, Dan just blurted Phil’s address and turned to look at him with wide eyes. “Is that alright? Sorry, I’m just tired and since your friends left I figured we could stay in.”

“Of course. Pizza and Mario Kart sound good?”

Dan let out a breathy laugh. “You know me so well,” he said, wrapping one arm around Phil’s frame.

Letting his head rest on Dan’s shoulder, Phil relaxed and kept thinking about what he’d seen on stage. Dan was born to be in the spotlight, it’s where he looked more comfortable and at peace. 

“What did you think of it?” Dan asked.

“You were amazing and the play was very interesting. It was very creative.”

“Hmm, Is that a good thing?”

“It is. I could tell that you put some of your psych knowledge into it. It was a nice metaphor on mental health and the impact it has on the person and their family.”

Dan nodded happily and stared straight ahead. “Can I still take that shower?”

“Sure,” Phil said, begging his mind to stop in its tracks. He looked at a droplet of sweat, or perhaps it was water, that fell from Dan’s hair and ran down his neck, disappearing under his white shirt.

Dan pinched Phil’s leg when he tried to pay the taxi, paying it himself instead and helping Phil out of the car. Once they were in the flat, Dan pulled him into a tight hug and stared into his soul for a moment before pressing their lips together. The fireworks igniting in Phil’s body were threatening with setting him on fire. They moved slowly, tentatively, but Phil could feel Dan’s love for him in every touch of their lips, in every sigh, in the way Dan’s hand rested on his neck softly. 

Dan was relentless and it was starting to affect Phil, the heat rising within him by the second. It was too soon for that. Phil stepped away and smiled when he caught Dan’s lips chasing after him. “You can use anything from my closet, the shower is down the hall.”

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled, blushing slightly and running upstairs, presumably to Phil’s bedroom in search of clothes. 

Phil pulled his phone out and called Domino’s ordering what used to be their usual. He then went to the living room to set the console and the plates before sitting on the couch for a bit. He was startled by a hand on his shoulder but relaxed when he opened his eyes and saw Dan, his hair still dripping from the shower, wearing his cookie monster pyjama pants and his York hoodie. That pulled at his heartstrings; Dan had always loved to wear that hoodie. “Did I fall asleep?”

“You did,” Dan laughed and pointed at the pizza on the coffee table.

“Fuck, I missed the doorbell?” Phil mumbled.

“It’s fine, it was a funny interaction with the delivery guy. I came out in a towel.”

“You went all the way down in a towel?” Phil asked with wide eyes. 

“No! Oh my god!” Dan snorted. “I buzzed him in and got the door here. Still an unsettling view for the poor guy though.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Unsettling, right.” He paused. “Have you considered being a model?”

“Are you serious? I could never! I look like a potato.”

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous!”

“I don’t see it,” said Dan and Phil was sad to look into his eyes and realise that he still believed that. “Don’t give me that face,” he said.

“I just think you’re so beautiful and I wish you could see it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” Phil said, still trying to find the right words.

“I’m working on it... Baby steps,” Dan said and shoved him to the side unceremoniously to fit at his side. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, his brow furrowed with worry.

Phil poked his side and smiled at Dan’s childishness. As the night progressed, they melted deeper and deeper into the couch until Phil checked his phone and his stomach dropped at the amount of Twitter notifications. He hadn’t posted anything for a few days, this couldn’t be good news.

“Is this 2012? My 13 year old self is crying tears of joy! My ship is sailing! @amazingphil @danielhowell” Attached to the tweet were three pictures. One taken from Phil’s back as he watched Dan on stage, one zoomed in from across the street as Dan guided him to the taxi and another at the first stoplight where Dan had already settled his arm on Phil’s shoulder.

[lenteur]

random thoughts about run on, episode eight

(please do note that this post contains spoilers so read at your own risk.)

i forgot to talk about this in my previous post but it’s like the roles were reversed between mi joo and ji woo (seon gyeom’s mother). yook ji woo became sort of a fan of mi joo because she stood up to ki jeong do. it might be only in my head but i thought of it that way :)

once again, mi joo tells seon gyeom to care for himself before others. this time, it’s due to the fact that his father still has a hold on him. she doesn’t want him to suffer more than he has already

this episode was full of funny scenes, the first one being yeong hwa thinking he’ll have a “date” with seo dan ah but he ended up with mr. jeong. his facial expressions were priceless

when mi joo yeong hwa and seon gyeom end up getting drinks with each other, it felt like seon gyeom was the third wheel lol he tried to step in the conversation but he immediately killed the vibe. sorry but this isn’t about you sweetie

that scene between dan ah and tae woong was heartbreaking. the only reason he keeps trying to talk to dan ah is because she’s the only one who doesn’t treat him as if he’s invisible. “it also takes effort to hate someone” when you love someone, you’re willing to go through a lot and tae woong is the proof of that

i thought it was interesting when dong gyeong said that seon gyeom’s natural gift was to motivate people. it’s true that while he doesn’t know what to do now that his career has officially ended, he has that gift that allows him to motivate people. you can see that when he interacts with the kids he sponsors/coaches, even with mi joo. he’s the one to encourage her to eat better/run etc. i definitely agree with dong gyeong’s statement

just like i said in one (or several) of my previous posts, i’m grateful that they show a lot of scenes with seon gyeom’s family. in this episode, his mother acknowledges the fact that he did “raise himself”. she thought it was easy to have kids, that they would mature with time but it’s not that easy. she thanks her son for being the way he is even when she wasn’t the best mother. that’s why she’s okay that he doesn’t have a job. she wants to give back his kindness. it’s the least she could do

finally my wishes were fulfilled! we saw little moments of mi joo translating. i’m even more thankful because i’ve never translated in these conditions and i was able to see what it was like. i’m aware that this doesn’t represent every translator that had to do this job but i’m sure some could relate to these scenes. 

one thing i’d like to point out when they showed these scenes is the importance of communication. mi joo couldn’t translate every demand the director has made because she was in a rush but she did her best. result: the scene wasn’t 100% exactly what the director has asked for but she came up to apologize and ask for a little more time to translate. and i like that they showed this. for a translator, it’s crucial to be able to communicate clearly with all the people who took part in a project so everyone can be happy in the end. in episode two or three (i don’t remember), mi joo talked about being a bridge between two cultures/languages and the movie scenes are a great example of that. without mi joo (or any other translator), there would be a completely different end result.

i told you i would annoy/bore you with my long paragraphs about translation. it wasn’t a joke!

“you know what it’s like. you feel safe only when you’re part of a group as a kid. and, as an adult, you live in fear of being ostracized” this drama is full of quotes that will be imprinted in my brain forever

[headcanonsandmore]

Ways Parted

Summary:  Yaz finds herself being sent away to safety by the Thirteenth Doctor. However, a certain hologram (and a message from a past incarnation of the Doctor) may just help her save the time lord she loves. Slight AU of "The Power Of The Doctor".

Tagging:   @wholesome-dragon-lady @asugarfoot @anxietyriddenhuman

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                       Read on FFN.                               Read on AO3.

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Yaz was not having a great day.

First, Dan had left the TARDIS and, while Yaz did miss him already, she didn’t remotely blame him for leaving. Given that he’d almost had his space helmet punctured, he probably deserved a bit of a quiet life. Like he said, the life Yaz had with the Doctor wasn’t really for him.

Still, she missed him nonetheless. He had been there for her through those long years in the early twentieth century, making sure she didn’t lose faith and keeping the mood light with a joke when things got too heavy. He had almost become like an uncle for Yaz; hopefully, they’d be able to keep in touch.

Then, the whole plot with the Master had happened, and Yaz had been thrust into the UNIT headquarters. And met Tegan Jovanka and Ace McShane. That had been a bit of a shock, to say the least. She’d met Captain Jack before, of course, but this was… different. Two women older than Yaz’s mum had been travelling with the Doctor when they had been Yaz’s age. That… shocked her.

Although she could guess that Tegan’s “we used to be you” hadn’t been referring to… whatever was going on between Yaz and the Doctor.

That was a thing now. Her and the Doctor.

Talk about a quick turnaround. All that business with the sea devils had drastically changed things between them. The Doctor did care for Yaz in the same way that Yaz did for her, but… the two of them couldn’t do anything. Time was apparently running out for the Doctor. And Yaz wasn’t sure she could bare to see the Doctor she loved change into a whole new person.

So, here they were. Trying to enjoy things while they lasted.

Anyway, back on topic.

The Master had turned up, caused all manner of difficulties. Now, Yaz was holding the Master under armed guard while the Doctor piloted them back to the Russian Empire during the First World War.

The TARDIS slowly stopped groaning, and the Doctor headed out of the doors, following by the Master, who was smirking in that infuriating way. Judging by Tegan and Ace’s reactions to him, he had been causing trouble for decades. Yaz didn’t want to know about the cat thing, though.

Yaz followed them, pointing the gun at the back of the Master’s head. She was just reaching the doors when the room beyond them opened up before her-

Daleks and Cybermen. Dozens of them.

‘Yaz?’ the Doctor said, as she stepped out of the doors.

‘Yeah?’

‘…. I’m sorry.’

‘What for-’

But Yaz heard the tell-tale sound of the sonic screwdriver, and the TARDIS doors slammed shut between Yaz and the Doctor.

‘No!’ Yaz screamed, charging forward. The gun fell to the ground, forgotten. Yaz slammed her hands against the blue doors, but she could already tell that they had been locked. Behind her, she could hear the TARDIS dematerialising.

Turning, she hurried towards the console.

‘C’mon, if I can get back to UNIT,’ she thought aloud. ‘I can fix this; get help and-‘

‘Heya!’

Yaz jumped, turning.

A hologram of the Doctor had appeared. Same hair, same clothing, same smile.

Yaz let out a small squeal of alarm.

‘If you’re seeing this, I’m probably dead,’ said the hologram. Yaz stared at them, her mouth falling open. ‘Oh… bit overdramatic, maybe? Anyway, I have been working on this literally forever! It’s a fully interactive holo-me! It’s based on my behaviours across thousands of years, and it will only activate in the gravest of circumstances. Like if I’m not around. Anyway, I will have remembered to insert a nano-trigger under your skin at some point. I should do that; I need to remember to do that.’

‘You could have told us you’d done that!’

‘Whoa!’ the hologram said, wobbling. ‘The emotional receptors on this AI are a little oversensitive. Apparently, you’re… upset with me? I should… apologise for something?’

She’s lucky she’s cute, Yaz thought, sighing. Sometimes she really does take the mick.

‘You locked me in the TARDIS,’ she said, irritably. ‘Trying to keep me safe because you’d know I’d follow you into anything!’

‘Oh…’ the hologram replied. ‘Er… sorry.’

Yaz turned and frantically tried to operate the TARDIS controls, but they didn’t seem to budge.

‘Did you set them on an automatic course?’

‘Probably,’ the hologram said, from behind her. ‘I’ve got the TARDIS controls linked up to my sonic, so I can remote operate it if need be.’

‘Where’s it sending me back to?’

Yaz stared into the monitor.

Sheffield. Present day.

Of bloody course it was.

She’d sent Yaz home. That stupid, self-sacrificing time lord had sent Yaz home. Away from danger.

Away from the Doctor.

Yaz sank slowly down the floor, turning slightly as she did so, her back leaning against the central console. She put her face in her hands, and closed her eyes.

‘Please…’ Yaz whispered. ‘I need to help her. She’s surrounded by Daleks and Cybermen, and the Master as well. I… she needs me.’

The TARDIS made a soft bleep, and Yaz’s eyes flicked open.

Then, two new holograms appeared in the centre of the console room, as if being projected from the TARDIS data banks. Two figures; one was a tall man in a leather jacket, the other a shorter, blonde woman in baggy flared jeans.

‘This is emergency protocol one…’ spoke the man, in a Mancunian accent. ‘Now, Rose; listen…’

‘Gosh, that’s me,’ said the hologram of Yaz’s Doctor. ‘Haven’t seen that face for a while.’

‘That’s Rose, isn’t it,’ Yaz said, putting down her hands and looking up at the woman. ‘The friend of yours that Captain Jack mentioned.’

The hologram nodded.

Yaz had long suspected that she hadn’t been… the first time the Doctor had fallen for a companion. She knew that there had been others before. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. But… well, this wasn’t her Doctor. Technically, it was the same person, yes, but… Yaz had fallen for her Doctor. Not any of the others.

‘Emergency programme one means I’m facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine,’ continued the man. ‘So this is what you should do…’

‘But… what am I supposed to do?’ Yaz said, looking between the two figures.

‘And if you want to remember me, you can do one thing… that’s all, one thing.’ The figure turned to look at where the projection of Rose was standing. ‘Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose; have a fantastic life.’

Yaz stared up at them both. There was something strangely calm about the face of that Doctor. In the face of presumably overwhelming odds, they were still calm, asking nothing other than that Rose be safe and happy.

Which would have been fine, if it didn’t remind Yaz of what her own Doctor had done.

‘You can’t do this me,’ Rose exclaimed, her voice cracking. ‘Take me back! Take me back!’

The holograms of the other Doctor and Rose disappeared. Yaz sat still for a moment, processing this. The Doctor clearly had always been this self-sacrificing, but that didn’t make her feel any better. She could completely understand Rose’s anger and pain.

‘But what happened to her?’ Yaz said, turning to look at the hologram of her Doctor, which had sat down next to her. ‘Jack mentioned she was living on a parallel world, but that doesn’t explain how she saved the Doctor.’

The hologram of Yaz’s Doctor flickered.

‘Yaz… I can’t tell you. But… please don’t do that. Don’t do what Rose did.’

‘Save you?’ Yaz said. ‘I have to! You’d do the same for me!’

‘That’s why you shouldn’t,’ replied the hologram, looking terrified. ‘Please… just forget me.’

The hologram turned off.

‘Not bloody likely!’ Yaz exclaimed, jumping to her feet. ‘You’re my Doctor and I will save you!’

The TARDIS console gave a groan from behind her, and a panel opened. Yaz turned, getting onto her knees. She looked into the streaming light that emanated out of the opening. Her heart seemed to beat in her ears, and her mouth fell open gently. The TARDIS spoke to her.

She saw the past. She saw the present. And she saw the future. She saw it all.

 *

 ‘Forced regeneration,’ the Master said, staring at the Doctor. ‘The time lords even did it to you once, didn’t they? That’s how you ended up as that dandy with the white curly hair-’

The Doctor’s brain was scarcely able to process this, before she automatically startled. The noise… that noise!

Was that-

‘TARDIS materialising!’ shrieked the Dalek commander.

The Master swung round.

‘Bah! You cannot escape, Doctor!’

The doors of the TARDIS slammed open, and a bright light exploded out of it. It was so dazzling that it was almost blinding.

Yaz was stood in the doorway, her eyes glowing.

The Doctor felt as if both her hearts had stopped. No… no, not again…

Yaz floated off the ground and soared across the room, coming to a stop in front of the Doctor. With a crash, the constraints around the Doctor fell to the floor. She staggered forward.

‘Yaz!’ she cried. ‘What have you done?’

‘The TARDIS called to me…’ Yaz said, her voice strangely ghostlike, as if speaking from a point faraway. ‘And we looked into each other…’

‘Yaz, you looked into the time vortex!’ The Doctor collapsed to the floor by Yaz’s feet. She stared up at her friend. ‘No-one’s supposed to see that!’

‘What is this?’

The Master was staring at Yaz, his face contorted with a horrified expression, as if every fabric of his being was telling him to run. Run far away as fast as he possibly could.

He pointed the gun at Yaz, and fired.

The Doctor screamed, but the lazar halted in mid-air as Yaz turned to look at it. The lazar was forced back, back into the gun, which exploded in the Master’s hand.

‘Bad Wolf…’ Yaz said. ‘Yes, that’s what she called herself…’

‘Yaz, please!’ The Doctor cried, ‘You’ve got to stop this; you need to stop this now! You’ve got the entire time vortex running through your brain! You’re gonna-’

‘I want you safe,’ Yaz said, and for a moment the light faded from her eyes, and her voice became like Yaz again. Tears began to trail down her cheeks. ‘My Doctor. Safe.’

‘You cannot defeat me!’ spat the Master, clutching his injured hand. ‘I am a Time Lord; I am far beyond your-’

‘You are tiny!’ Yaz said, her eyes glowing once again as she turned to look at him. ‘I can see the whole of time and space; every atom of your existence, and I will not have you hurt my Doctor anymore!’

With this, she raised a hand, and the Master was thrown back several feet. He hit the wall, which collapsed around him, covering him with rubble.

The nearest Dalek sent forth a beam of deadly energy, but Yaz raised her other hand, sending the energy back into the Dalek, which exploded. The very particles of every Dalek and Cyberman in the room began to dissolve, leaving nothing behind. Soon enough, Yaz and the Doctor were alone in the room.

‘Yaz, you’ve done it…’ the Doctor said. ‘Now stop.’

Yaz did not respond.

‘Yaz… please! Just let go!’

Yaz did not respond.

‘Yaz, you can’t control the universe like this! No-one can!’

‘I… I know,’ Yaz said, and the light faded again from her eyes. ‘But… it hurts, Doctor. It’s gonna kill me. How can I…’

‘You’re Yasmin Khan,’ the Doctor said. ‘You can do anything. It wouldn’t be the universe without Yasmin Khan.’

‘Please… help me.’

The Doctor stood up and wrapped her arms around Yaz. Yaz’s arms reach around her, and the two of them embraced tightly.

‘Always will.’

Slowly, the Doctor took on part of the vortex energy, feeling it coursing through her like a conduit. Yaz slowly settled against her, as if a great weight was being lifted off the young Yorkshirewoman’s shoulders.

The power, showing as more of the light, slowly drifted away, flying back through the doors of the TARDIS. Eventually, when all of it had returned, the light faded and the doors slowly swung closed.

Yaz and the Doctor stumbled.

‘You did it,’ the Doctor said. ‘Yaz, you did it; you saved me.’

Yaz smiled, tears still running down her face.

‘Couldn’t have a universe without the Doctor, could we?’

Without thinking, the Doctor leaned forward, just as Yaz did the same. Their lips met.

The Doctor wished the circumstances could have been better. The two of them were both exhausted and drained, scarcely able to stand up. But she found it difficult to care. All she knew was that she should have kissed Yaz a long time ago. If she’d been braver, she would have been honest with Yaz from the start. But she knew as well as anyone that it was no good to think about what could have been. All you could do was make the best of the time you had. And that’s what she was doing.

Slowly, they broke apart, and the Doctor was dimly aware of falling gently against Yaz. The young woman lifted the Doctor off the ground and into her arms, carrying her softly towards the waiting doors of the TARDIS.

The Doctor slowly drifted out of consciousness, her sole thought being that Yaz was safe.

 *

 The Doctor startled, and sat up.

She was lying on the floor of the console room.

‘Ah, you’re up.’

Yaz was stood next to the console, a wide smile on her face.

‘How long was I…’

‘A while,’ Yaz replied, taking a few steps towards her and helping the Doctor to her feet. ‘Long enough for me to stop and pick up Tegan, Ace, Graham and Kate; they all send their regards by the way.’

‘You dropped them off home?’

‘Yeah. Well… Croydon, so near enough.’

The Doctor chuckled, before staring into Yaz’s eyes.

‘You… you saved me.’

Yaz shrugged.

‘You would have done the same for me-’

The Doctor stumbled. Yaz grabbed hold of her.

Clang!

‘Why’s the cloister bell sounding?’ the Doctor gasped, looking around in confusion.

‘Doctor…’ Yaz said, slowly. Her voice was strangely hollow. ‘Look at your hand…’

Slowly, as if moving through treacle, the Doctor looked down at her hand. Time seemed to slow down as she processed the sight that met her eyes. The sight that she had been dreading for longer than she cared to admit. Ever since the she had met personification of time. Perhaps longer, when she had started noticing the way Yaz looked at her. The way that Yaz smiled at her. Because she knew it would cause pain, and she hated that she knew she would be responsible for the pain Yaz would feel.

Regeneration energy was leaking out of the Doctor’s hand.

‘What?’ she gasped, horrified. ‘No… that’s not right! I need more time! I want more-’

But she turned to look at Yaz, and a dagger seemed to go through each of the Doctor’s two hearts.

Yaz was crying.

Tears were streaking down her face, and her mouth was trembling with suppressed sobs.

In that instance, the Doctor forgot about the regeneration, she forget about everything else, everything except Yaz.

‘Yaz…’ she said, softly. She cupped Yaz’s face in her other hand. ‘It’s okay, Yaz… it’s okay…’

Yaz’s breath was ragged, as the sobs threatened to erupt. It broke the Doctors hearts to see her like this. Yaz was indomitable. Again, the Doctor cursed her own bad luck. Yaz deserved better than this. She deserved every happiness. But all the Doctor could give her was a small comfort, knowing full well that the ending was coming soon. That their ending was coming soon.

‘One last trip…’ the Doctor said, softly. ‘Where would you go? What flavour of ice cream?’

Yaz gave out a small, teary laugh. Their eyes met for a moment, and then tears began to slide down the Doctors cheeks too.

‘I did this…’ Yaz mumbled, agonised. ‘I made you take on the power of the time vortex-’

‘Ssshhhh,’ the Doctor said, pressing her forehead against Yaz’s. ‘It was an honour, Yaz. Truly.’

‘You’re dying…’ Yaz sobbed. ‘And it’s my fault…’

‘No; Yaz, none of this is your fault. I wouldn’t let you die. Don’t you remember? Can’t have a universe with no Yaz. I can’t have a universe with no Yaz. I promised I’d keep you safe, and that’s what I’m doing.’

Yaz let out a miserable chuckle, as if responding to a joke the Doctor didn’t think they’d made.

‘So… how about that last ice-cream?’

Yaz sniffed, before smiling.

‘Let me guess; no money?’

‘Empty pockets.’

Yaz chuckled, before putting her arm around the Doctor’s waist.

‘What kind of date are you? C’mon, big head; ice cream is on me.’

And, holding each other, the two of them headed out of the TARDIS doors.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, everyone; hope you enjoyed this fic!

[zalrb]

Leyton literally has nothing going for them not only do they not have any chemistry but half the time their scenes are just word garbage. Like for a ship described as being able to see each other in ways nobody else can, they say some of the most surface level bs of all time.

OK so there are like a bunch of different things that I think are done poorly with Leyton. One of them is actually Nathan.

One of the reasons why I really like Dair is because they could relate to each other in a way they couldn't relate to their previous partners

and don’t get me wrong, I’ve said repeatedly that there are many issues with Chuck and Blair and how Chuck treated Blair (hotel!), and there are of course issues with Dan and Serena, but the thing about Derena and the thing about Chair is that they did have their moments and we see their moments and we see what the attraction was

but they weren’t getting this sense of fulfillment that they got from each other:

and their tastes reveal more about their characters, it’s not just like WE LIKE THE SAME MUSIC, WE LIKE THE SAME ART, WE LIKE THE SAME FILMS, there are nuances to their interests and how they share them with each other, it’s not just info-dumping.

Nathan and Peyton’s relationship is so cartoonishly awful where it’s like does it even need to be Lucas for Peyton?

Like it could just be a boy who doesn’t throw her CDs out of his car and abandon her at the side of the road,

or a boy who doesn’t get into an accident with her car, leaves it and is perfectly OK with her potentially taking the fall for something he did,

or a boy who doesn’t say she’s PMSing, like it just needs to be not-Nathan really because Nathan was a dick with no redeeming qualities in that relationship.

Even with Marissa and Luke, Luke is pretty shitty and he cheats on Marissa all the time but he’s like your run-of-the-mill, generic asshole and it’s clear that a lot of their relationship revolves around partying, which allows for Marissa to hide her discontent since she has a drinking problem

Nathan was a verbally abusive villain

And then moving past Nathan, to this whole idea of connecting to each other in a way they couldn’t connect to other people just had me like, do this better.

Like Marrisa clearly had issues before Ryan showed up but those issues get swept up in the culture of her crowd, for instance, again, her drinking, she clearly has a problem with it, but her friends party all the time

and shrug it off

but then Ryan is like

that is seeing something other people aren’t seeing.

Even the idea Peyton can’t speak to her peers because everyone is so shallow, Brooke does engage with her and is melancholy about it

but Peyton doesn’t see it that way and basically looks at Brooke like she gave a vapid answer

Marissa doesn’t enjoy being in her circle as much as other people think she does

but after spending time with Ryan (and Seth) she tries to have that conversation about how frivolous everything must look and it doesn’t register

she’s no longer at least appearing to be a part of the fold

it’s clear that her connection to Ryan has altered her in some way and has changed everything. When she and Ryan speak about their home lives, Ryan explains his dad is in prison, a bit embarrassed about it,

Marissa explains her father is in trouble and at first Ryan cracks a joke like I can’t relate to your problems

but then Marissa clarifies, this is a legal matter

and there’s that bond forming and that’s all that’s needed. It’s not angsty info dumping

Like, what does this even mean, Lucas? She’s a stranger so you can tell her everything you’re feeling or by you telling her this you two are no longer strangers and why does either thing matter, why can’t you tell Haley?

With Stefan and Elena, Elena has been telling everyone she’s fine, including herself

she wants to move on, she wants to get over it, even with Bonnie she’s like I have to be OK

Stefan is like you’re not OK now

but you will be

And then the content of Peyton and Lucas’ talks

ok but the entire episode before this is about why Lucas decided to join varsity and not stick to the street court, he’s just repeating what Whitey said  for this “connection” with Peyton, which isn’t them understanding each other, it’s just them talking in circles and calling it depth

Like, this doesn’t mean anything, so when we got this in season 2

I was like when was the first time you two spoke about something real? I mean, when he finds out about her mother’s death, I guess,

but the real weight of conversation with that storyline goes to Whitey

and the fact that nobody knows this is the anniversary of her mother’s death is inconsistent writing if the reason why Peyton says the two of them can’t be together later on is because Brooke helped Peyton through her mother’s death everyday as a kid, Brooke would know why Peyton is acting this way.

Ryan and Marissa don’t have to go, “you know when you’re having one of those days and xyz”, Marissa tells him her taste in music because she’s angry and Ryan looks at her and grins because he gets that, he doesn’t need to tell her how he gets it, he just gets it

when Lucas and Peyton are supposed to have a “just get it” minimal dialogue scene

No one else can do this or say this?

Like why is that more of an emotional connection than this

And then there’s the chemistry. The reason why I'm fixated on the chemistry aspect of it is because excessive dialogue is not needed for a peering-into-your-soul dynamic even if a large part of the relationship is talking.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Hidden Marks

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Request:  Hii! If you still taking request I want ask for an soulmate au with Elijah, where which one of them have the same mark. He and his soulmate are very good friends for a long time and never have thought about this, but someday he see her mark and find out about this but don't tell her for being afraid of hurting her because of his family -Anon

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Tad bit of angst, mentions of blood, but that's canon at this point.

Author’s Note: I apologize that this wasn't out earlier today. But there was some things in it that were bugging me and I just couldn't let it post without fixing it! It's still the 7th for me so this is your fic for the day! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

“Oh come on,” Y/N said as she turned and faced Elijah as a smile pulled at her lips. “Are you really telling me that you’ve given up on looking?”

Elijah shook his head slightly as he let a huff of air past his lips. “For as many times as you’ve tried to persuade me to find who my soulmate is, my answer has remained the same.”

“Deep down I don’t think you mean it.” Y/N said with a slight tilt of her head. “You give the advice of your best friend ‘needing’ to find who she is ‘destined’ to be with, but you wont take your own advice or mine for that matter.”

When Elijah was younger, he believed that Soulmates finding each other was something magical. He may have lived with his mother who was a witch, and even a few of his brothers, but this was different. Elijah could remember the stories some of the villagers told him about how they found their soulmates. That the marks they were born with would match the person they were meant to be with.

Elijah had hoped that his soulmate would come along and he’d get to experience that kind of magic that he witnessed. He wondered who his soulmate was. How he would meet them and when they would realize who they were to each other. But when Henrik died, Elijah had felt his opportunity to meet his soulmate had been lost the moment he became a vampire.

The magical feeling he once believed in had been diminished over time. As the centuries had passed Elijah had never once met someone who he would ever be his soulmate. That there was no longer someone out there that would share the same mark as he did. As the years passed, the thoughts of a soulmate had all but diminished.

Elijah’s mark had been just below his left clavicle. The mark is a few shades darker than his skin tone. An intricate design of three circles intertwined in a horizontal line. His clothing always covering the mark from everyone around him. So long as it was covered, he wouldn’t be asked about it.

At least that was until Y/N came into his life. The vampire may have been several centuries younger than him, but they had become close friends over the past century. Elijah had met her during his time away from Klaus. The need to be away from his brother for a while had proved to be much needed. And when he met Y/N there didn’t seem to be anyone else better to spend his time with.

But during that time, he never mentioned what his mark looked like, let alone asked her what her mark looked like. Y/N was like Elijah in some ways. She once believed that soulmates were like fairytales. But when she turned, the notion of having her soulmate found had diminished.

“Was it not just a few hours ago that you reminded me that you’d rather not find them?” Elijah asked as he watched her.

The smile she had on her face faded slightly. “I have my reasons.” she shrugged slightly. “I may change my mind if I see you find yours.”

A light chuckle passed Elijah’s lips as he began walking down the pathway they stopped in moments before. “I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

There were several more conversations similar to that between them. But no matter how many times each of them brought it up, they both believed that they didn’t want to know who their soulmate was. They were content with their lives and it avoided the disappointment if their soulmates were human and lost some time ago. This way, there wouldn’t be heartache.

_____

“Elijah?” Y/N called out as she struggled to keep herself steady as she walked into the compound. She hadn’t ever expected to go to Elijah when she had been injured. But she needed help this time. Someone had attempted to shoot a wooden bullet at her and it was currently lodged in her back.

In a blink of an eye, Elijah was in front of her taking in her appearance. His eyes had widened as he helped her over to a seat in the courtyard. “What happened.” He asked as he took note of the current bullet holes in her shirt.

“Oh you know, failed attempt at making friends.” She tried to brush off the pain that was currently radiating through her. “ I just need you to help take one of them out. The others were easy to do. But this one is lodged in there.”

Elijah moved behind her as came to take note of where she had been speaking about. There had been a tear in her shirt from the attempt to make the bullet hole bigger to get the wooden bullet out. He could see the healed spots from the others that she had been able to take out.

It was as he moved the fabric aside to begin pulling the bullet out that he noticed the mark right above it. He stopped for a moment as he took in the horizontal circles that were intertwined. For as many times as he had seen his own mark, it was replicated on Y/N’s skin.

Y/N could feel how he hesitated; she looked over her shoulder at him. “What is it?”

Elijah shook his head slightly. “I believe that is the first time I’ve seen your mark.” He said before he began to poke and prod at the bullet hole.

She hissed as she felt him digging into her skin and muscle. “There’s a first for everything.”

Y/N knew that while they had joked and pressed the other to go in search of their soulmates, they never once actually saw each other’s mark. For the century and a half that she had known Elijah, she had never once seen Elijah’s mark, just as he hadn’t seen hers until this moment.

Elijah hadn’t said anything in response. If anything he was letting his mind go over everything the last several centuries had shown him. He had been at his lowest, the lowest that he could be as a Vampire, when Y/N had entered his life. They had gotten along so well during that time that Elijah just considered it them having a lot in common.

“I take it now that you’ve seen it, you’re going to go on a mission to find my soulmate for me?” She asked a moment later, hoping to fill the air with voices instead of the sound of blood and muscle being messed with.

“I thought you disagreed with that plan.” Elijah tried to keep his voice normal as he talked with her.

As much as seeing the mark should have made him happy, that he should have stopped right then and there and told her what it was that he realized, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It had nothing to do with the bullet that he was now pulling out from her back. If that had been the case, he’d tell her the moment he watched her skin begin to heal before his eyes.

“Oh, I do.” Said with a nod as rolled her shoulders, stretching out the muscles of her back where the bullet had been moments before. “That doesn’t mean it will stop you from doing it.”

Her words had caused him to chuckle as he pulled out his handkerchief and began cleaning his hands of her blood. She turned towards him in her seat, watching as he tossed the bullet onto the table a moment later.

“I have no intentions of seeking someone out that you do not wish to meet.” He noted with a nod of his head as he looked over at her. Even after getting into some trouble, she still looked as if she could still take on the world.

There was something in her eyes that changed a moment after his words had pierced the air. “Would you tell me if you saw the mark on someone else?”

“Of course.” He said even though it had been a lie. He knew he wasn’t going to speak of the very mark that was on his chest.

As much as Elijah wanted to express every thought he was having at the moment, he couldn’t allow himself too. Not with the past that he had. Not when there were multiple reasons why he didn’t want her to know.

Not to mention the track record he had with the women in his life. While one would argue that it was all meant to lead up to him meeting Y/N, Elijah knew that even she wasn’t immune to the darkest parts of his family or even himself.

He watched as she stood up from her seat. “Thank you for helping me with that.” She gestured to the bullet. “Would I be able to interest you in a little night hunt?”

There was a smirk pulling at her lips, one that Elijah couldn’t stop one from forming on his own. She was offering him a night of catching those that attempted to harm her. Between the two of them, the sport of keeping each other and his family had been a game of keeping score. His head nodded in agreement at the thought of helping her.

He always promised to help keep her safe. And it was as they began leaving the compound that Elijah realized in order to do so, he was going to have to keep his mark hidden from her.

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[gothicwidowsworld]

Jealousy D.T

Set during the 2020 f2 season at Silverstone

“You think I don’t notice?” Dan asked aloud, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over the pair. The young man’s question was short and direct, and the thoughts that had accompanied the query had caused his knuckles to turn white with how harsh his grip on the steering wheel became. Tilting her head slightly in confusion the y/h/c girl turned to face the Driver, watching the world pass by had been a good distraction in the silence but Y/N knew she couldn’t pretend to have not heard the question. “Notice what?” Y/N asked slowly raking her y/e/c orbs over her boyfriends tense frame. “You and him” Dan replied plainly, somewhat thankful that he’d insisted on driving the dull flame of jealousy begging to burn brightly but he knew if he gave in the flame would take over and burn anything it came in contact with to the ground. “I like the lipstick but not if it was for him.” Dan added coolly, gritting his teeth when he heard Y/N sigh heavily. 

“It’s just chapstick Dan…” the y/h/c girl mumbled defensively, a jealous Dan could be handled in one of two ways and the most common option wasn’t on the table due to them currently being in the dark BMW in broad daylight. “I assume we’re talking about Schumacher?” the y/s/c girl questioned the Brit sternly. Mick had become a great friend to Y/N and it was rare for her to be able to get time to see him in person due to the f2 calendar and the fact that during the off season Dan even more rarely left her side. “So you admit it then!” the honey brown haired man scowled. Dan Ticktum was renowned for having a somewhat short fuse but usually his irritation wouldn’t be aimed towards the y/h/c girl and Y/N was damned if she’d allow it to start now. “For fuck sake Dan he’s just a friend!” Y/N retaliated the lingering aggression from the British Driver beginning to seep into her pores. The man scoffed his knuckles once again pressing up against the ghostly pale skin “The way we were just friends?”. 

Running a y/s/c hand over her face in frustration Y/N turned silent, trying to navigate a defence for something she didn’t do after a day at the track wasn’t easy and it was made even harder by Dan jumping down her throat every five seconds. “Pull over.” the younger girl said quietly, once again turning her attention to the suburbia currently passing by. “What?” Dan replied hesitantly his tone was stiff but cracks of sadness and regret were starting to show. “You heard me Daniel pull over. I'm not staying in a car with you like this.”

Finding a safe spot to pull over had been easy, too easy for the man’s liking. A part of him was hoping that Y/N was just joking. It would have been terrible timing but still he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her familiar teasing laughter to fill the air. Putting the vehicle in park Dan tapped his pale fingers on the steering wheel the awkward silence he had created was now uncomfortable. “Please don’t leave, let's just get home yeah?”  The young man pleaded, reaching over the centre console to try and retrieve the girl's hand. Dan had always joked that their hands fit together perfectly but right now Y/N wouldn’t even let him touch a finger. “Y/N/N please” Dan whined sorrowfully yet again reaching out for the girl's hand. “I’m sorry I was jealous it won't happen again.” Dan mumbled his voice cracking under the weight of guilt and regret, He knew he’d fucked up, he’d hurt Y/N with his accusations. “I can’t do this possessive thing anymore Daniel, it's toxic.” the y/h/c girl replied carefully attempting to put as much distance between the pair as humanly possible. “God I was so stupid. Naïve to think you’d change after last time.” Y/N added barely above a whisper as she berated herself harshly. 

Jealousy had been like a mould on their relationship every time Y/N thought they’d dealt with it another harsh winter would arrive and the speckles of damp would return. “I don’t even get what Mick has that you envy? Is it his name? Because Mick didn’t get a choice in that?” The y/h/c girl ranted her breath shaky as she could feel the oncoming tears. “He has you in a way I never could..” Dan interrupted pitifully, nibbling on his bottom lip anxiously. Dan didn’t like being vulnerable, he hated it even more so in front of Y/N it was an unfortunate combination of his environment and his friends. His mate’s were very masculine in a way only British men could be. They were the lads. And the anxiety of having the piss taken out of him had caused Dan to fear being vulnerable and intimate with that part of himself. “He’s my friend Dan. He’s not the one I go home to at night, I don’t wear his hoodies, I don’t drag myself to different circuits all year for him. I do that for you because I love you.” Y/N stated firmly her usually bright y/e/c orbs focusing intensely on the young man’s face. “I love you Ticktum.” Y/N reiterated enunciating each word gently, inching closer to the Driver running a soothing hand along his still tensed arm. Cuddling precariously into the y/h girl’s soft side Dan sighed deeply. Those three words were more reassuring than Y/N would ever understand. Those three simple words removed the bricks of stress and envy from his shoulders. “I love you Y/N/N I’m sorry.” Dan whispered into the girl's neck her familiar calming scent easing his rigid limbs. “I know Dan.” the y/h/c girl acknowledged softly, delicately brushing the young man’s hair as they just held each other. 

[kevindayscrown]

Neil Josten, son of Mars.

If you remember, a while back I had made this post about who would be the godly parents of the Foxes if they were demigods. So I'm starting off this headcanon with our resident violent boi.

Mary Hatford was born in violence and war. It was inevitable that she would one day attract the attention of the Roman God of War.

Patient and fierce, loyal and a fighter, Mars saw in her something that immediately pulled him to her.

That's how Nathaniel came to be. He lived as a Wesninski, his mother still ending up marrying Nathan, but he was a child of violence.

Nathaniel didn't know about his true heritage until after they runaway. After his mother was killed and he became Neil Josten. After a short blonde slammed the butt of his sword against his stomach.

He was told that he was a demigod. Of course, he didn't know what that meant, but even when he found out, he laughed it off and refused to believe it. He called the blonde and the man that had come with him crazy.

That was, until Kevin Day appeared. Of course he knew Kevin, because of his father's involvement with the Moriyamas. He knew Kevin better than he knew himself.

When Kevin said he was also a demigod, Neil started thinking they were all insane.

And then, he started believing he was insane, when he saw an actual monster attack them. When he saw Kevin and Andrew defend themselves with swords and spears. Swift and agile, strong and fierce. Like some goddamn Hollywood movie.

Kevin said it was a miracle Neil had not been attacked so far. Neil suddenly understood his mother's paranoia to move from place to place, never stopping or looking back.

And like this, the red head was convinced - and really, given no choice - to follow them to Camp Half Blood.

Of course, it wouldn't be that easy for Neil. It never was.

Gods nowadays were forced to claim their children early on. But with Neil, something was wrong.

Weeks passed and he was yet to be claimed. He had to suffer through the endless rantings of that one Hermes kid named Nicky at the Hermes Cabin, waiting for his so called 'godly parent' to give a sign.

He was starting to believe people were pulling some kind of prank at him.

However, he couldn't lie and pretend he didn't love some aspects of this camp. Playing capture the flag by Kevin's side, training, sharpening his skills, becoming better and better.

It took almost a month for someone to piece things together. To understand that Neil had a different attitude about him compared to other Greek demigods.

One day, a girl came and said she would help him figure things out.

She was Dan, daughter of Bellona. Neil didn't know what that meant until she explained that Bellona was a roman war Goddess.

She explained that there was another camp. For kids of the Roman gods.

Upon arriving to Camp Jupiter, Neil immediately thought that he had grown fond of the disorganised and chaotic Camp Half Blood and would probably never get used to the roman version of it.

Of course, the moment he stepped in, however, he was claimed.

Neil Josten, son of Mars.

The realisation that Neil wasn't his father's son, that he wasn't a Wesninski, shook him to his core. He was raised like one, though, and that stain would never disappear.

He asked to be taken back to Camp Half Blood. No one forced him to stay and so, Neil went back.

Realising that, unfortunately, he was half brothers with Seth Gordon, Neil moved to the Ares Cabin, still not trusting anyone. He still believed that this was some sort of joke.

Even when he saw things with his own eyes that shouldn't be possible.

It took a while to settle in, to slowly slip into a routine. It took even longer for him to understand his new self. It was like another new identity, with the only difference being that this one wasn't made up.

As a son of Mars, Neil was strong and fast. His impulses and tactical way of thinking translated well into battle. He also found that there were more weapons he could make use of, and skillfully so, but he more often than not stuck to his knives.

He was able to adjust well to this new violent reality, at least. Training, fighting, preparing for battle.

Kevin promised to make him a better fighter. Promised to take his potential and make it into something useful.

He was a son of Athena, and claimed there wasn't anyone better to do it than him. Seeing him fight on the field, Neil believed him.

Andrew promised to keep him safe from the monsters of his past.

He was a son of Apollo. A strange kind of new light in Neil's life. And the redhead believed him.

But little did he know that war was being stirred up. And he was about to find himself right in the middle of it.

[edie-baby]

Baby Boy Chapter 5 | Lando Norris

Summary: Milana Navratilova is the best friend of Victoria Verstappen, and is for lack of a better word, a minx. She can pull anyone into bed with her at any time. So when she attends the Austrian Grand Prix with Victoria, the drivers make for good bedfellows. Until she finds a man who makes her finally feel like herself. Her baby boy.

Warnings: smut, swearing, non-con kiss (will be a chapter warning for that one), OC is a w h o r e and i love her.

The Austrian summer sun glared into Milana’s eyes from her position in the middle of the master bed. She rolled over slightly, wanting to get out and find her best friend so they could go for breakfast and then some shopping they both knew was inevitable on any trip. With a huff, the Czech stood up, only just realising exactly how sore the men had made her. She waddled to her suitcase, willing herself to suck it up and keep walking around until she got used to the pain.

A white pleated skirt and tight red cropped shirt seemed like a suitable enough outfit for her day’s plans, so with a waddle only a penguin could rival, Milana made it to the bathroom for a hot shower. The entire hotel room had the unmistakable smell of sex, and she was sure she’d need to leave the room before the smell seeped into her hair and clothes. Maybe housekeeping could work some magic while she was out.

“BABE ARE YOU HERE?” Milana heard the very recognisable croaky voice of her best friend. She called out that she was in the shower, and in a few short seconds, Victoria was sitting on the vanity in the bathroom, swinging her legs while Milana continued to cover herself in body wash that smelled delightfully of cherries.

“So, you had a good time with Lewis, I hear.” Milana giggled, and Victoria couldn’t help but to laugh along. She knew it was ridiculous that the man was able to make her scream his name so loud and for so long that she nearly lost her voice entirely.

“And judging by the bed, your silk tie, and the overall reek of the room, you did too. So, who’d you bring back? Daniel? Max?” Victoria questioned. While her brother was off limits to most of her friends, Milana was one of two women Victoria was familiar with that she would allow to mess around with her brother.

“Both.” Milana replied. Victoria gasped, giggling out a quick ‘you whore’ before asking what exactly her best friend meant.

“Like, you took Daniel from the party and picked Max up down the hall?” Victoria pressed, the only other option was that they had willingly come together, which didn’t seem like something her brother would be comfortable with.

“Nope, took them both at the same time.” Milana answered as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself as Victoria looked at her in complete shock.

“Oh, I’m never going to let Max live that down.” Victoria giggled before she jumped from the counter and moved to grab some clothes to wear for the day. Milana got dressed into her outfit and felt quite proud of how cute it looked considering she had basically picked up two random items and hoped for the best. About forty-five minutes later, the girls left the room hand-in-hand, their makeup and hair done as beautifully as it was last night, but hopefully today it would last more than a few hours before getting ruined.

“Morning Max! Going to see Dan?” Victoria chirped as she saw her brother walking toward where she and Milana waited for the elevator. Max’s face went a deep shade of red and the girls simply laughed and stepped into the elevator together.

Victoria and Milana had found a cafe nearby the hotel to have a quick brunch before heading out for their big day of shopping. As soon as they walked in, many heads turned thanks to the jingle of the bell above the door. Victoria spotted the Twitch Quartet in one of the tables up the back, the rest of the patrons seemed to be members of teams from all over the grid, as many of them were dressed in their team kit.

George waved the two girls over, coincidentally there were two seats spare at the table, one squished between Lando and the wall, and the other at the head of the table. As Victoria was a few paces ahead of Milana, she took the spacious seat at the head with Alex and Charles nearest to her. Milana practically floated over to the seat beside Lando and sat with her back leant up against the wall, her knees brushing against the Brit’s thigh.

“Milana, I’ve heard quite a bit about you. I saw you at the party last night, but didn’t get a chance to chat to you. I’m Alex, I drive with Max.” The Thai introduced himself, offering a hand to shake as he was straight across the table from Milana. She accepted it gracefully, a sweet smile curling her lips. She could see from the corner of her eye that Lando was looking at her with a small frown on his face.

“What’s wrong baby boy? You look upset.” Milana commented with a soft voice, the late night and early morning contributing to her voice being a little huskier than usual. Lando blushed fiercely at the pet name and bit his lip. The others around the table looked shell shocked by the words that had fallen from the Czech woman’s lips.

“You just look tired.” Lando mumbled, his blue-green eyes darting up to make contact with the dark hazel of Milana’s. Her eyes softened at his words, and she couldn’t help the smile on her face. She patted his thigh softly and assured him she was alright.

“You girls looked lovely last night, by the way. I didn’t get the chance to tell you before you were leaving with Daniel and Max, and then Vic disappeared not long after.” George complimented. Victoria giggled, the fact that she had teased her brother about going to see his ex-teammate less than a half hour ago, and already the two were being brought up together.

“Yeah, I noticed that too. And also noticed the noise an hour after that.” Alex grumbled. Milana smirked, and saw the shock smack Charles and George in the face. Lando seemed to be watching her with intrigue.

“Wait, you took one of them back to your room?” George questioned. At this, Victoria burst out laughing, garnering strange looks from everyone but the woman of the hour.

“Well, no. Not one.” Milana spoke, staring George in the eyes until he understood what she was implying. He gasped so hard he choked on his spit and began coughing up a lung. Victoria rubbed his back sympathetically, while Charles continued trying to figure out the implications of the woman’s words in a language that was not his native tongue. Lando and Alex had understood at the same time as George, albeit with less dramatic reactions. Alex’s jaw dropped, his ideas of his teammate changing as he stared at the woman in front of him. Lando’s eyebrows were raised, a small smirk on his face, he was impressed.

“So, let me get this straight. You convinced Daniel Ricciardo, the womanizer of the grid, and Max Verstappen, Mr. I Don’t Share Anything to have a threesome?!” Alex almost squealed. It was at this point where Charles caught up, the blunt words finally clearing his confusion up, at which point he began mumbling in broken French. Milana simply nodded at George and took a sip of Lando’s iced coffee, to which he barely reacted.

“Fuck, they must have ruined you.” George muttered, looking at Milana with sympathy and a small shake of his head. Victoria began giggling at this again, and George looked at her with confusion. It was obvious at this point that the young Verstappen couldn’t hold the truth in without giggling.

“My wife here has a special talent for making difficult men submit.” Victoria nodded proudly at Milana. George began coughing again, Alex looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing silently, and Charles began rambling in proper French this time, however he was talking so fast that Milana barely caught the worlds ‘petit friponne’ before tuning back out. Lando was staring at her again, the earlier expression was gone, and he looked at her with a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. Milana couldn’t help but want to assure the adorable boy in front of her that it was just sex, and if there was anyone she had her eye on at the moment, it was him. But alas, she didn’t.

The group finished their brunch with a lot of stories, laughs, jokes, and new friendships being formed. It made Milana a bit upset as she and Victoria made their way to the Aston Martin they were borrowing, that in about five days, she would be returning to her apartment in Prague, going back to work, and being forgotten by people she could have lifelong friendships with.

The drive to Vienna from Spielberg was about two hours, according to the GPS Victoria had programmed whilst Milana fiddled with the position of the driver’s seat. A few moments later, the girls were on their way, a playlist of their favourite singalongs and party songs blasting through the stereo, the windows down and the two women completely carefree.

[kevindayisafrog]

Part 2 of the post that was supposed to be a one shot inspired by @knandersonart ‘s art on Instagram (I have too many ideas for it to be left as a one shot, babe, I’ve got a whole book planned)

TW - abuse, anxiety and mentions of Dr*ke

Kevin had been at Palmetto for over a year now; alone and in fear. He tried hard to fit in with the upperclassmen but his short temper and constant panic left a huge gap between them that no one had tried to fill. He tried to get close to his father too but he knew that he’d never be able to tell him who he really was to him; he knew that his dad would only turn him away like Riko said. Kevin tried to keep in contact with Neil but their texts and calls had gone from one a day to one every few months. Everything was falling apart and all Kevin could do was watch as he fought like hell to climb back to the top. And the top is where he is now, but this time the podium he’s standing on is for him only, Riko can’t pull him down. Until Kevin’s alone with his thoughts, then he remembers how small he is against Riko’s power and ruthless abuse. Kevin felt himself slip further into the darkness around him when the championships were announced, something to finally concentrate on and a place where he’ll finally be with his Neil again; even if they’ll be against each other.

Kevin stared blankly at the empty bus seat in front of him as he sat at the back of bus alone; distantly listening to the upperclassmen’s idle conversation as the foxes made their way to the banquet. He couldn’t sit still as fear warred with excitement in his tight chest. He placed his AirPods in and called Neil, knowing that he’d see him in less than an hour but couldn’t wait to hear his voice. He grumbled to himself when it went to the voicemail and hung up, choosing to listen to his music instead as he watched the scenery pass by in a colored blur through the window.

Kevin was last off the bus and he stood behind the other foxes as Wymack opened the storage compartment on the coach, passing their outfits to each player. Matt tossed Kevin his dark green suit before turning back and catching his own suit before it hit the ground. “Jesus, Coach, this cost me a lot of money”, Matt smiled despite his words and smoothed down his suit. Wymack retorted dryly but Kevin didn’t hear what was said as he already turned and made his way towards the stadium; his body buzzing with a distant memory of Neil’s body close to his. He pushed his way into the locker room with a sign reading: ‘Palmetto Foxes’ written in black sharpie. He quickly threw on his suit with his back to the others, ignoring Nicky’s wolf whistle as he moved to the mirror to smooth down his forest green blazer. “Where are you going, hot stuff?”, Nicky winked with a laugh as Aaron groaned and turned away from his cousin. “I’ll be on the court”, Kevin muttered as he left the locker room and walked as fast as he could to the court. It pained him to see a perfect court being used as a dance floor and dining area, but he wasn’t here to be disgusted. He opened the court door as he felt a stern hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch and duck down. “Don’t worry, it’s only me”, Wymack pulled Kevin back up and turned him so that they were facing each other, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay before you walk into the lion’s mouth”. Kevin looked up into his father’s eyes and blushed in embarrassment at the raw worry that he saw. “I’ll be fine as long as we’re not near Riko or Tetsuji”, he wrung his hands together and tapped his foot impatiently. “I’ll keep an eye on you, kid and if you’re worried in any way come straight to me, okay?”, Wymack gave a fierce squeeze of Kevin’s shoulder before pushing him through the door. Kevin turned away and made his way over to where the seating charts were. He ran his finger down the sheet until he found the Foxes’ name and made his way to the back table, freezing as Riko stood from their shared table. “Kevin, welcome home”, Riko announced in Japanese, spreading his arms in a vicious gesture of a hug. Kevin gulped and clenched his hands before taking a deep breath and making his way over to the table. “Riko”, he muttered as he sat down opposite Neil, relaxing as Neil wrapped their ankles together, “the rest of my team are just coming”. Riko barked a shrill laugh as he sat down and leaned towards Kevin, “me and Jean were just talking about how we’re surprised you guys made it into the championships, what with your small number of players”. Jean looked up and sent Kevin a subtle shake of his head, mouthing a small ‘I’m sorry’. Kevin sent a small smile back before turning to Neil, ignoring Riko’s annoyed frown. “Hi”, he whispered, running his ankle up to Neil’s thigh. “I’ve missed you”, Neil replied in French, reaching down and squeezing Kevin’s ankle under the table. “Hmmm, so we’re doing this now? Speaking other languages so I won’t understand”, Riko nodded slowly before laughing and curling a large smile, “your mother would be so disappointed in your disobedience. If you’d shut up we’d all hear her turning in her grave. Even though we’re so far away from her”. Kevin tensed and clenched his jaw, trying not to give Riko the satisfaction by showing his anger.

“Riko, it’s so lovely to meet you, Dan Wilds”, Dan led her team to the table and scraped her chair back, sitting down with her hand extended to Riko. Riko looked at her hand in disgust before shaking it with a fake smile, “I hope you’re looking after my Kevin for me”. Matt sat beside Dan and laughed sarcastically, “he’s not yours anymore, he’s ours”. Riko dropped Dan’s hand onto the table with a thud and turned to Kevin, “weren’t you just telling me how much you hated this team and that they’ll never win the championships?”. Kevin sat up straighter and smiled, “no, I wouldn’t say that and do you know why, Riko? Because although these aren’t the best players, they’re the strongest I’ve ever met. They use their teamwork to push back and fight to win their deserved place at the top. You won’t be smiling so wide when we beat you and win the championships”. Riko’s smile fell and he grabbed Kevin’s left wrist in an iron grip, “don’t fucking push me tonight, remember that you’re my pet. I won’t hesitate to put you down, do you hear me? One wrong move and I’ll bring your whole team down with you, see if you’re so brave then”, he growled in rapid Japanese. Nicky looked between the two before placing his hand over Riko’s and digging his nails in deep, “I’d advise you to take your hands off of him or I’ll break it off”. Kevin turned to Nicky in surprise and was shocked enough to let his long lost genuine smile get plastered across his face. Riko pulled his hand away and glared at Kevin, “you’ve deluded these jokes into thinking that they’re better than they are. You’re getting cocky, Kevin, what will you do when they turn you away like they inevitably will?” Andrew elbowed Neil to get him out of the way and leant on Neil’s hunched back, “now, now, Riko, let’s not throw your toys out of the pram. I told you what I’d do if you messed with my family, do you really want to test my word?”. Riko tensed and slowly turned to face Andrew, “One more word, Andrew and I will get an old friend over to play with you. Drake must miss you”. Andrew flinched at the name and let out a long medicated laugh, “try me” he growled. Neil shouldered Andrew off and stood up, ignoring Riko’s glare, “I’m going to the bathroom, try and fucking stop me”. The foxes watched in silence as Neil left the room without a single glance back to the table. “Your pets aren’t as loyal as you thought, are they?”, Dan asked and she tapped her nails against her glass, “must suck when everyone turns their back on you”. Riko growled in annoyance, hating how he’d lost control of the situation and his words were thrown back at him. Kevin stood up quickly, knocking his chair onto the floor with a loud clatter as he left the table, half running to the bathroom and ignoring Wymack’s shouts of concern.

“Neil?”, Kevin called into the seemingly empty bathroom, pushing open the stool doors slowly. “I really did miss you”, Neil walked around from the corner of the room and stood on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck, “I actually missed your irritating shouting and obnoxious presence on the court”. Kevin let out a small huff as he brought their lips together, smiling into the kiss of ‘hello’. “I hate you”, he whispered into the kiss, knotting his fingers in Neil’s orange hair. “Sure you do”, Neil replied, purring as Kevin tugged lightly on his hair. Kevin pulled away first and stared down into the ocean blue eyes before him, the auburn eyelashes fluttering his eyes back open. “Neil”, Kevin started but Neil let go and walked away to the sinks, “please just hear me out”. Neil sighed and turned on the tap, “Kevin, not now, can we just have this moment? Stop trying to ruin everything”. Kevin frowned and followed Neil, leaning his hip beside him at the sink, “I don’t ruin everything”, he muttered. Neil placed his hands under the tap, refusing to look up at his pouting boyfriend, “you know that’s not what I meant”, he sighed and dropped his hands to the bottom of the sink, “I can’t come back with you”. Kevin groaned in annoyance and pushed off of the sink, pacing his way back to the stools, “why not? Why the fuck not, Neil? Nothing is stopping you and even if something was you wouldn’t care anyway”. Neil turned the tap off and slammed his hands against the ceramic, “for fuck’s sake, Kevin, are you being obtuse on purpose? If I could go, I would. Do you think that I enjoy the nest? Do you think I like you being so far away from me? Because I fucking don’t, it’s hell”. Kevin laughed flatly and crossed his arms, half turning away, “you can come with me, you just don’t want to”. Neil pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed heavily, “why do you always twist things? Listen to me”, he dropped his hands and marched over to Kevin, pulling his arms apart forcibly, causing him to flinch, “listen, I hate not being without you, okay? And I know it makes you cringe when people talk like this, but I can’t live without you and I hate to admit, I really do, but I need you. I’m trying so hard to get out of there so you’re not alone anymore and Andrew’s helping too. We’re so close to getting out, we just need to be patient and wait a little longer before we can be with each other again, okay?”. Kevin dropped his head and Neil stood on his tiptoes so their foreheads could touch. “I hate being alone”, Kevin whispered, “I’ve never been alone before. When my mom found out who Tetsuji really was, who his family were, she exiled us to Ireland and never let me leave her sight. She took me everywhere with her, not even trusting teachers to look after me at school. But she left to go to the shops in the next town whilst I was sleeping and Tetsuji paid people to stage a fatal car accident. After that day I was with Riko and he wouldn’t let me leave his sight either, so I don’t know what to fucking do. I’ve never been alone before”, he sniffed and let out a small whimper. Neil gently placed his hands either side of Kevin’s face and placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose, “you’re not alone, I’ll never let you go”. Kevin lifted his head and turned to look away, “but you are leaving me alone”. Neil shook Kevin’s head and pressed his own head against Kevin’s ribs, “I’m trying, I really am”.

They stood in silence as Kevin hesitantly wrapped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “I know you are, I’m sorry, I’m just scared”, he placed a gentle kiss atop Neil’s head and rocked him side to side slowly. Neil hummed and looked up, taking in his boyfriend’s worry filled eyes, “that color looks good on you”. Kevin frowned and looked down at his suit, “I wanted to wear red but I don’t really suit it”. Neil snorted and pulled away, turning to walk to the bathroom door, “you suit red, Kevin, trust me”. Kevin watched as Neil left the bathroom with a wink and couldn’t help but feel alone once again, a heavy feeling weighing on his chest. “Thank you”, he whispered with a small smile to the space Neil left behind as Riko kicked open the door with two broad shouldered Raven players behind him.

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Look at me - Spencer Reid x fem! reader

A/N: I've written a lot of Hotch content recently and as much as I love it, I felt like I needed to get some Reid in there as well. This was a bit rushed so sorry if there are any mistakes in there. Enjoy:)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of panic attacks/past trauma, toxic relationships

Word Count: 2462

***= time skip

Any details from a case are made up, not based on an actual episode.

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My mind is not something I ever thought I’d fear. I just assumed no matter how bad things got; I would be in control therefore it would never be anything I couldn’t handle. Even when I joined the BAU and was surrounded by harrowing cases all day, naively, I assumed I could keep on top of it. In case you hadn’t figured it out by now – I was wrong.

**********************************************************************

We all collapsed into our respective seats on the jet, none of us saying anything. This case had been particularly brutal, and it took a lot out of us. We had nothing to talk about besides the events of the past few days and no one wanted to think about it more than necessary. I took the first window seat I saw, grabbing a blanket and curling into myself. The sun was beginning to set and watching it above the clouds would bring me some sense of peace. As cliché as it sounds, being above the clouds and watching the light slowly sink beneath causing there to be an orangey glow – everything felt so quiet, so calm. As if I was untouchable, like nothing bad could reach me. As I starred out of the window, I couldn’t quite get comfortable. Normally after cases, I was able to fall asleep roughly half an hour into the journey home, but something was keeping me up. This must have shown on my face as I felt as soft jab to my side, breaking me from my thoughts.

“You good pretty girl?” Morgan asked, leaning on the edge of my seat.

“Hm? Yeah I’m all good. Just can’t sleep.” I said offering a small smile.

“I feel you. I’ve been trying since I sat down but I guess today just isn’t our day.” He replied sighing. “You need a drink or anything?”

“Nah I’m okay. Thanks though.”

“No problem gorgeous. Hope your able to drift off soon.” He said before heading to the back for a drink. I sighed, turning my body to face the window once again. But before I was able to get lost in my thoughts yet again, Spencer sat down in front of me. His brow was furrowed as his eyes scanned over me.

“You okay there?” I chuckled looking over at him.

“I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.” He replied matter of factly. I raised my eyebrow at him as I shifted to face him a little better.

“May I ask why?” I said in a light-hearted tone.

“Because you can’t sleep.” He stated. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that so I stayed silent, allowing him to continue. “You always fall asleep. You sit by the window, you curl up, and your asleep within 20 minutes. The only time you don’t is if someone’s talking to you. But no ones spoken to you until just now and your still awake.” He explained. I starred at him, in slight shock. “S-so I think what I’m trying to figure out is what’s keeping you awake? And see if you’re okay?” He concluded, suddenly looking rather nervous as if he was worried he’d overstepped.

“Look I’m sorry just pretend I didn’t say anything.” He said going to stand up. “

No hey it’s fine. I’m just surprised you noticed that’s all.” I replied quickly.

“Of course I did, I care about you.” I’m not sure why but that simple sentence caused my heart to flutter. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always appreciated the fact that Spencer is attractive (even if he doesn’t believe it) but I’ve never thought of him in a romantic light. Since I’ve joined the BAU, we’ve always been able to lean on each other no matter what the situation. There was just something about us that clicked almost perfectly, there was nothing I couldn’t tell him. And even though we constantly got teased about being together, I’d never even considered it.

“Your right though, something is keeping me up.” I admitted, leaning back into my seat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer offered, copying my actions.

“Yeah I’d love to. I just don’t know what it is. There’s something making me feel, I don’t know, uncomfortable I guess? But I haven’t got a clue what.” I rubbed my head as I spoke, feeling the beginning of headache starting to form.

“Oh.” He replied shortly. I could tell he was trying to figure out what it could be, but it was no use. “Is there anything I can do?” He asked. I smiled at him but shook my head.

“I’m afraid not pretty boy, I’m sure it’s nothing. Was just a hard case you know” He nodded.

“Well, if you remember, o-or even if you don’t and you just wanna talk, you know you can always come and find me.” Once again, I felt my heart flutter. Why was he making me feel this way all of a sudden?

“Thank you Spence. You too.” The rest of the journey went pretty smoothly. I didn’t fall asleep but for the most part, the uncomfortable feeling left me alone.

********************************************************************

“Okay guys, head home get some rest. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Hotch said as we made our way out of the parking lot. We all called out to each other before jumping in our cars and made our ways home. Even now, something was playing on my mind, and it was starting to piss me off. You’d think I’d be able to remember something that was bugging me this much. I tried to push it from my thoughts as I flopped onto my bed. I was so worn out I couldn’t even be bothered to change, I just wrapped myself up under my duvet and prayed that sleep would find me soon.

********************************************************************

“Come on y/n, you’re overreacting. You know I only did it because I love you.”

“How the fuck am I overreacting? I never remember asking you to bash someone’s head into the sidewalk out of LOVE”

“You know what? This is your fault. You made me do this.”

“I MADE you?”

“If you didn’t hang out with him dressed like such a slut I wouldn’t have had to do anything.”

“You’re joking right? God your fucking insane.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? Does it hurt your feelings?”

“Shut up you bitch.”

“I’m done with this. I’m done with you. I should have never gone out with you. I’m leaving”

“No you’re not.”

“Dan I swear to fuck if you don’t let go of my hand I am calling the police.”

I jerked upright. My skin was damp with a cold sweat. My heart was hammering against my ribcage. My head was spinning. I couldn’t breathe. The sheets clung to me as scrambled out of my bed and headed for the front door. My mind was scrambled, I couldn’t stay at home. There was only one place I knew I’d feel safe. I pulled my shoes back on and ran out my front door before I begun sprinting down the road. I didn’t trust myself to drive right now.

******************************************************************

As I walked up the stairs of the apartment complex, very much out of breath, I begun second guessing my idea. It was literally 3 in the morning. But before I could convince myself otherwise, I raised my hand to knock on his door. I shouldn’t be here. He was probably asleep. Just as I turned to leave, the door swung open.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” A very dishevelled looking Spencer asked.

“Um yeah, no I just- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have woken you” I replied, fidgeting with my hands.

“It’s fine I’d actually fallen asleep on the sofa, so you did me a favour if anything.” He said with a soft chuckle. I couldn’t focus on his words, my mind still spinning. I could feel my breathing begin to quicken again. I was losing it.

“Hey, what’s going on?” His voice sounded muffled, as if he wasn’t stood right in front of me.

“I-I can’t breathe” I stammered. My legs felt as if they were about to give way. Before I could do anything else, I felt spencer wrap his arms around me and walk me into his apartment. He moved me to the sofa before closing the door and sitting down in front of me.

“What’s going on? Please I want to help but I need you to talk to me.” His voice sounded sincere. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my thoughts.

“I-I knew him.” I stammered, my hands trembling.

“Knew who?” He asked gently.

“I dated him. I don’t remember him being violent but then this one time- oh god. It’s my fault. I did this. T-they died because of me.” By this point, tears were streaming steadily down my face.

“What? Y/N who died? What do you mean you knew him?”

“THE FUCKING UNSUB SPENCER” I yelled, hysterically. I ran my fingers through my hair frantically. “I dated him. Ages ago. I don’t know how I didn’t recognise him. I think, no no I know, I was his stressor.” I explained, breathing heavily. Spencer starred at me. You know it’s bad when you render the boy genius himself speechless. “There was this guy I was friends with at the time, while I was dating Dan.”

“The unsub?” He cut in.

“Yes. Anyway, I’d been friends with this guy before I’d met dan, but they’d never liked each other. And then one night, I’d gone out. It was some sort of occasion, like a celebration thing I don’t know it’s all a bit fuzzy. I was wearing a dress and it wasn’t anything too bad, but it was showing off a decent amount of skin. I don’t really know how but dan turned up where we were and beat the living crap out of my friend. He ended up going to hospital. But that was the last time I saw dan, I left him that night. That has to of been his stressor.” I concluded, resting my head against the back of his sofa.

“You know it’s not uncommon for the brain to repress traumatic memories. That would explain why you didn’t recognise him and why you don’t remember everything, even now. You were most likely in such a toxic, stressful relationship with him that your mind didn’t know how to handle it. So instead of causing you more pain by trying to make sense of it all, it simply pushed those memories back far enough until you’d essentially forgotten that part of your life.” Spencer explained. What he was saying made sense, I didn’t like it, but it made sense. I could barely remember my relationship with him. All the details were jumbled up in my head. “When we brought him in, seeing him in the station must have triggered you to remember him. Or at least parts of it.” I nodded at his words.

“Most likely.” I mumbled. I still couldn’t shake the thought that I’d caused all of this. The pain the victims went through, their families, their friends all because of me. As if he could read my mind spencer spoke up yet again.

“Stop blaming yourself. This isn’t your fault.”

“It is though. If I hadn’t-“

"It’s a chemical thing y/n. That part of him was always there, it just takes a certain situation to cause it to snap. I know it’s hard, but you have to remember that you did not cause this.” His words provided me a slight comfort. Not much, but enough for me to drop the subject.

“I’m sorry to have put all this on you this late.” I mumbled.

“Don’t be. I’m glad you felt you could talk to me about this.” He replied, shifting so he was sitting next to me rather than in front. We sat in a comfortable silent for a few moments, enjoying each other’s company. I tried to stifle a yawn but failed miserably.

“How did you get here? I didn’t see you with any car keys when you came in.” Spencer asked softly.

“I ran.” I admitted, to tired to lie.

“You ran? You live like 3 blocks away.” He said, surprised.

“I was just so shaken up I didn’t think I could drive.” I reasoned.

“You should’ve called me; I would have picked you up.” He replied gazing at me. I felt my stomach flip. I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that I was only now realising how much he cared for me, but in that moment I felt nothing but love for spencer. I studied his facial features for a second, appreciating how attractive he really was. The way his eyes shone constantly with eagerness and knowledge. The way his brows twitched slightly if something confused him. My eyes eventually travelled down to his lips. They looked so soft and inviting. Suddenly, I found myself consumed by the desperate urge to kiss him.

“You’ve always been there for me you know spencer? I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.” I said softly. He looked slightly taken back by my words, but his lips curled up into a small smile.

“You mean a lot too me too. More than I could try to describe.” Before we realised what was happening, we found ourselves leaning closer into each other.

“Spence I-“ But he swiftly cut me off, cupping my face in his hands and pulled his lips to meet mine. My arms found their way round his neck as I laced my fingers into the back of his hair. He held me carefully, as if he was scared he was going to lose me. The kiss was gentle, but it spoke a million words for the both of us. When we eventually pulled away, he kept his hands where the were as he slowly caressed my cheek with his thumb. We didn’t say anything, we didn’t have too. We both knew where we stood and what this meant for us. I just smiled at him, feeling like a lovesick teenager. Eventually he layed back on the sofa, pulling me on top of him. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist protectively as I cuddled closer to him. I’d never felt more at peace than I did in that moment. It didn’t take long for me to start drifting off yet again, with the rhythmic beat of spencer’s heart and the feeling of him tracing small patterns on my back. I felt him press a kiss to my head.

“Sleep well. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. I love you.” He whispered, just as I slipped away into the darkness of sleep.

[caterpellas]

munich nights • harry styles

summary: touring inseparably as best friends and musicians, yours and harry’s relationship takes a cruel turn in munich.

warnings: smut (oral m recieving) 

genre: bestfriend!harry, friends to lovers(?), angst, smut

pt 1/? (two is here)         word count: 4k

a/n: this is my first time writing in like a year so some feedback would be amazing, pls be kind and show some love to my crumby attempt lol

chapter playlist :D

harry.

he was sort of your anchor. unspoken, of course, that he had taken such a high profile role in your life. he didn’t need to know, to know. you were certain it worked in reverse, that you grounded him just like he did for you.

you’re not sure of the timestamp on the beginning of your friendship, sometime 3 years ago after mindlessly chatting in a shoreditch bar, at the sort of venue you were both cackling over after a couple of overpriced gin and tonics.

“i’m not sure why i came here, it really isn’t my scene,” you said after calming your laughter down.

“me neither. i’m not all that into £18 cocktails made with organic fruit juice,” he jested back, although you felt a hint of sadness in the next, “it makes me miss home.”

after that you clicked instantly.

you both bonded over being musicians; your styles contrasted entirely though. his band, who you met a few occasions later, were the antithesis to yours. mitch and sarah looked and sounded like they were fresh from a 70’s pop rock band, whilst your bassist and drummer, both twins, had buzzed heads and black dr martens on 24/7. the differences between you and him didn’t matter in the slightest. which is why, after 18 months of building the strongest friendship you’d had in your life, he asked you and your band to come on tour with him.

touring with your best friend and now biggest fan was the single greatest experience of your life. you would admit to the apprehension you first felt about opening for harry as your music wasn’t exactly in keeping with his genre- you were a little grungier then his soft style. i suppose the opposites between you is what enhanced everything about your relationship, musically and personally. in articles harry was always praised for his effeminate fashion choices, and since gaining some recognition as his opener, the articles were now mentioning how you dressed too, hyping up your more boyish, ‘can’t be bothered’ clothing taste you’d developed over your years in the band. your shoes were always chunky and platform, your top or bottoms usually oversized and always with the same thick chain around your neck. to some, your style seemed intimidating but it couldn’t be further from the truth. harry knew that best of all.

3 months into the tour now, you had made it to munich for the 1st night of your european portion of the tour. you and harry were sat next to one another on the plane, sharing an earpod each, playing music from your playlist titled “h”. you hadn’t been able to sleep on the overnight flight, after reading a particularly disturbing article about harry’s recent paparazzi shots. “harry styles’ player ways making a comeback?” it read, and pictured him with a couple models you’d met in new york together after going out for the night. you couldn’t place why but the article made you feel sick. you put it down to seeing such a close friend’s name slandered in the press, and you hoped he hadn’t read it yet. harry was often disheartened after reading the gossip people like to spread about him, occasionally involving you as well.

“you seem very deep in thought.” harry’s morning voice could be heard over the sound of steely dan in your ears. turning to him, one of his eye’s peering at you, you reply, “not really- just thinking about the set list.”

“you need to switch off your work brain sometimes,” he grins up at you, “have a little more fun! munich will be great, lots of beer to try.”

“of course that’s what you look forward to most. you know munich is filled with some beautiful architecture and history right?”

“that’s great and all, but you know what else they have?” harry questions you and you shake your head.

“oktoberfest.”

-

you arrived at your airbnb not long after- harry’s band and yours all preferred staying in a large house or apartment then some posh hotel that didn’t feel quite as welcoming. harry’s manager picked the place out, opting for a villa that sleeps 10 people, filled to the brim with oak panelling and a big fire place in the centre of the room. there was a hot tub outside that would probably never be used in your short stay there. the kitchen had a large island in the middle and a big aga keeping the place warm in the late september weather. his manager really outdid herself this time.

“this is place is so beautiful,” you still weren’t over all of the beautiful places this tour had taken you, the short time you’d been travelling had been a sensory overload.

“you’ll really like munich, y/n,” harry said yawning, grabbing both your shoulders from behind. his touch took your mind back to the article.

“harry,” you started, reluctantly turning to face him, “i know it’s none of my business who you, you know- fuck, but i was just wondering what happened with those models after i left?” harry’s calm expression never faltered as he answered, “me and camila kissed in the taxi but then i went back to the hotel. why?” you didn’t have the strength to answer honestly, and tell him it was because the thought of him having a threesome with two supermodels made you physically wretch, but you felt an obligation to give him a somewhat truthful answer.

“i saw an article about it, the paps caught a glimpse of it,” you white-lied. if you were going to be honest with yourself, the reason him with people like camila and gina bothered you so much is because of the way you compared yourself to them. you were overall confident, you were proud of your style and “gives no fucks” attitude you’d built up over the years, but these were literal models. women who were paid, like paid a lot, because they were beautiful. harry’s dating history has had a lot of women you could never measure up to be as good as and that was a real confidence breaker.

“well anyway, are you ready for tonight’s show? we were thinking it would be cool if you guys came on with us and...”

-

harry, as per usual, performed with all of his heart and soul and yet again amazed you. he had been doing this for three months, playing at least three shows a week and his energy levels were still unmatchable. you were back in your dressing room, taking off your stage clothes and putting on an almost identical outfit, wiping the sweat off your brow and upper lip. the monitor in your room played harry’s set, and you had to find any way you could to distract yourself from his performance before you ended up fantasising about the way his sweaty curls cling to his neck and how you wished he was sweating like that just for you, for an entirely different reason.

“thank you so much munich!” you hear harry’s accent through the small tv, and look up to see him panting and grinning, before running off stage. you had no idea why, but tonight there was a small amount of nervousness about you. since reading the article, you’ve had to address the gnawing idea that you could possibly have feelings for harry that were more than just your deep set friendship. would you act differently about the man you loved more than anyone in this world? you didn’t want things to change- they were perfect with him. he’d jest with you when you became too much of a perfectionist about your latest song, telling you to stop thinking so hard or you’ll have an aneurysm. if people commented on his style or yours, he’d laugh it off and tell everyone he’s “the woman in the relationship” sarcastically, and you’d be in awe at how he essentially said a huge “fuck you” to gender norms. he made you comfortable being you and you coveted his ability to be so happy being him. the thought of this bond being broken frightened you to your core. the knock at your door was a good signal for your thoughts to end.

“you coming y/n?” the group of you were all headed to a german beer bar, since harry was so eager to try the world famous pilsner. finding a large lounge space with sofas inside the bar, you all sat and ordered a round, celebrating a good night’s work.

“to the first night in europe,” you toasted, “cheers!” all your glasses clinked together and the nervous feeling started to fade finally. sat next to harry, you discussed the tour so far, he told a story about being in one direction and it reminded you of a hilarious story from when you were 15, when you used to listen to emo music and swore how much you hated one direction, and they all laughed at the irony. if you had told your 15 year old self this was where you’d be at 21, you’d have snorted and laughed till you cried. but life works out in strange ways and you wouldn’t change it for a second. a few drinks in and any of those nervous feelings about what harry was to you had evaporated like alcohol till you eventually had to remind yourself that whilst your hand was on harry’s knee, it meant nothing. and the way he leans forward to you as he laughed at your not-so-funny joke. but those reminders were getting weaker the more his touch started to linger after he went to go and grab his pint the same time you did.

“we really must stop meeting like this,” he jokes as your hand rubs against his for the 50th time that might and you laugh at him because your afraid if you don’t play it off as a joke you’ll lean over and kiss him. you find yourself in need of a distraction from his low buttoned shirt and endless black ink drawn across his chest that you can see in high definition when your this close to him.

“i’m going to get another round,” you exclaim dramatically, telling yourself more than the rest of the group. making your way over to the bar, you can feel harry’s vision bearing into your back as you lean against the counter to get service.

“another round of pilsners on the table’s tab please,” you ask as soberly as you can. you’re not off your face yet, but the alcohol is definitely present, surrounding the corners of your vision.

“i’d rather by you a drink.” a slightly german accent crowds your ears and you look over to see a man, not all that different to some of the guys in harry’s band, smirking at you.

nervous, you reply, “no you don’t need to do that we have a tab here.”

“i insist.” afraid to be impolite you quietly thank him, and turn back to the bar. you can’t even think of chatting to guy at a bar whilst the man you love is sat so close by. even though it’s not returned, the pain of giving him up to flirt with a stranger is too much to bare.

“so what brings you to a local’s bar like this one?”

“me and my friends are working here for the night.”

“just here for the night? such a shame,” his smile, although attempting to seem unthreatening, is making you uncomfortable. the bartender seems to be taking forever with your order.

“i’m staying in a hotel a few minutes away, come and join me and their bar for a real drink?” your heart was pounding. you rarely got hit on so you were a little out of practice on how to deal with persistent assholes like these ones.

“i can show you how the germans like to do it.” that was it- he’d gone too far and you were so embarrassed by this point you were too humiliated to even reply to him. your neck was getting hotter and you could feel your cheeks reddening.

“you okay?” harry’s voice took you out of your panic-stricken state, “you were taking a while.”

turning to harry and preparing to tell him how this man won’t get the message, the german creep pipes up, “she’s fine mate. we were just discussing a date.”

“listen mate, i suggest you back off. alright?” harry grabbed your hand, tightly, and guided you out of the bar.

“harry where are we going?” you could barely comprehend what had happened in the last five minutes to even realise he was hailing a taxi.

“back to the house. i’ll text the others.”

“harry i’m fine honestly it’s no-“

“who said i was fine? i wanted to leave and i thought maybe you did too.” he was angry, which wasn’t something you saw in harry often. he was a happy guy, and optimistic about most things in life.

“is this because of that guy?”

“of course it is y/n.”

“i’m sorry i didn’t realise he’d be an assho-“

“why’re you apologising?”

this shut you up. you didn’t know why. this wasn’t the first time a guy had been slightly predatory towards you and you doubted it would be the last. after the first couple times your in situations like this you tend to see yourself as the problem and not the guys doing it.

“i don’t know, harry.” you climbed into the cab together and harry gave them the address, seeming somewhat cooled off from earlier. your head was buzzing from the alcohol and the fact that harry had essentially rescued you from what could have been a scary situation.

“harry?”

“yeah, y/n?”

“why did you kiss camila?” alcohol had made you more outspoken and you asked the question that had been driving your nervous energy all night.

“why are you asking?”

a little more honestly then last time, you answered, “i’m just curious.” harry shifted in his chair, slightly unnerved by the question. his whole demeanour had shifted entirely from earlier. he was close and warm with you, the friend you’d become addicted to being with. now he was closed off and moody- a rare sight for anyone who knew him well. you could have picked a better time to ask the question, of course, but you had to know. you had other questions too, like why he was so angry right now, and why did he care that i was chatting with a guy at the bar, even if he was a creep.

“because she wanted to kiss me and i wanted to kiss her. the same reason most humans kiss,” there was a slight element of humour back in his voice now.

“and that was it?”

“yep.”

“hmm.” you tried to ponder this, but your attention span was limited when you were this inebriated. your thought process had quickly moved from harry’s sex life to harry in general and his outfit of the evening- a personal favourite. he’d worn white cream trousers with a vest top and an unbuttoned short sleeve shirt, along with the necklace you’d given him last christmas. you could see his two swallows peaking from the straps of his wife beater and your mind wandered to the thought of having your mouth against them. against all his tattoos, individually placing a kiss on each and everyone that you had grown to fall in love with.

you remembered the memory of harry coming with you to get your largest tattoo,  a greek statue on your upper arm.

“harry you know this isn’t the first one i’ve gotten?” you laugh at how hard he was clutching your hand in the chair next to your seat.

“i know but i’m so excited for you. i want you to know i’ll be sat here the whole time to hold your hand,” he squeezes your hand to emphasise his point.

“harry i’m getting another tattoo not going into life-altering surgery.”

but inside, you were squealing at his words.

“y/n?”

harry’s less chipper current voice took you out of your memory and back to the cab in munich.

“you’ve been staring at my chest for a couple minutes,” his brows were furrowed as he studied your face.

“i want to lick it.” if someone had asked you why you answered with that, you genuinely couldn’t give them a good answer. alcohol didn’t do much to you, except allow you to have fun, and lose any sense of a filter. now was a perfect example of the effects. harry’s eyes widened at your candour- and so did yours. his calm expression only faltered for a few seconds though, before it returned to his neutral, warm face.

“what else?”

“i-uh- what?”

“what else were you thinking about?” your heart was beating so loudly you were sure harry could feel it across in his seat. why was harry asking this? you didn’t want him to know about your thoughts- they were far too embarrassing and far too private.

“i was thinking about all your tattoos,” you confessed.

“i was thinking about yours too.” you thought about all of your tattoos and remembered the dog rose you had on the back of your thigh, as well as the koi carp on your hip bone.

“which ones?”

“the flowers and the fish.” you gulped, knowing he was thinking of your most risqué tattoos.

harry, unusually, was completely serious as he said, “i thought about licking yours too.” you didn’t know where you stood with harry now. you were sat in a taxi, having the conversation with him that you thought would never happen. he wants you the same way you want him. he may not want you the same way a nagging voice told you. he could just be looking for an easy fuck, and you thought to yourself that even if that was all he wanted, you’d still give yourself to him.

“harry-“

“maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore, yeah?” you felt like you could cry- how could he not want to talk, and you were on tour together? this was the most gut wrenching feeling to have him tell you not to talk anymore. harry studied your face as you lip began to quiver, “jesus y/n i meant about the current conversation. of course i want to keep talking to you, i love you- you know, like a friend.”

“like a friend?” you couldn’t ever begin to describe how your heart felt like it fell to the pit of your stomach whilst the acid slowly burnt it away. friends is it. harry isn’t yours to have and he never will be, he just had to remind you in words of this.

“well we’re both a little drunk and clearly turned on- maybe just this once it could be more than friends? just for tonight, i mean?” harry’s clear green eyes didn’t stop looking into yours, and he seemed, i’m not sure, hopeful? as if on cue, the taxi took you back to your villa which was warmly lit from inside and you felt a nervous excitement crawl up your arms and legs at what could possibly come next. harry gave the driver the cash and you dashed quickly to the door of the house, the cool september air cutting through you both dressed inappropriately for the time of year. it dawned on you that your outfit- a big vintage men’s shirt with your oldest and favourite pair of dr martens with sheer tights- wasn’t the wisest choice. harry fumbled with unlocking the door and opened it to find the fire lit and the lights dimmed. it was more romantic than either of you would ever mention out loud but it felt like the house was routing for you. you weren’t sure where harry wanted this to go next, the air beginning to stiffen and feel awkward.

turning to face him, you started, “harry i-“ his lips met yours in an instance and any of the awkwardness left in the room had been dissolved by harry’s soft kiss. he tasted good, despite the beer you’d both been drinking and had you not been intoxicated by the pilsner and harry’s gentle touch, you’d probably care about things like breath. harry grabbed you by the shoulders, much like he did earlier that same day, and guided you into the room further, finding the large sofa and pushing you onto it. falling back, you glanced up at his towering figure. harry was already tall, but his powerful presence added a less literal height to him, and his shadow looked over you. you couldn’t help but stare at him as he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders, exposing some of your favourite tattoos of his. you got to your knees so that you were closer to his body and you finally relaxed in his presence, touching all the places you’d dreamed about. your hands raked up his torso to his chest and his head leant down to kiss you again. his lips were perfect and seemed made to be against yours so tightly, and made for the crook of your neck as well as they kissed and sucked there too. the fire in the corner of your eyes illuminated the small amount of gold in harry’s hair and he looked as angelic as he always did in your dreams.

“am i better than him?” harry murmured against your neck. the question caught you off guard. he’d only known one other person you’d had a sexual relationship with since you two became friends and that was a sound tech from one of his old touring groups that you had a small fling with. him and harry never got along and harry even accused him of purposely messing his sound up during a performance once. harry has walked in on you giving him head in your dressing room once and it was incredibly awkward but you both moved past it.

“who are you talking about?”

“you know, that arsehole sound tech from the american tour. do i kiss you better than him?” you could hear the layers to his voice- he was asking with a confidence that you felt straight in your core, but there was another layer to it- insecurity.

“god yes,” you gushed, he had to at least know how he physically made you feel even if you can’t admit your feelings, “you kiss far better then he ever could.”

an idea came into your head at this, “in fact, i bet you’ll feel better in my mouth then he did.” harry jaw slacks slightly and you give him a shy smile. talking like this wasn’t something you ever tried when you were having sex, but harry made you want to be honest. it was the closest you could get to confessing your love to him, and you’d take what you could get from harry right now. stunned into silence, you continue to undress harry, removing his vest to expose his lean stomach and small trail of hair from his belly button, that you kissed all the way down. he let out a sharp breath as soon as you got to the top of his pubic bone, and you finally noticed just how hard harry already was. with a little fascination, you dared to take it to the next level and cupped his length through his trousers, causing harry to groan at the contact. he felt big in your small hand, you couldn’t wait to reveal him, impatiently struggling with his zipper.

“woah, y/n, slow down,” harry puts a finger under your chin and you look up under your lash at him, knelt below him. his smile is a classic harry smile and for a brief second this feels like more than a casual fuck.

“you’re still wearing too much clothing.” harry bends slightly to get to the bottom of your shirt and speedily pulls it over your head, revealing your black cotton bralet and tights. harry’s mouth watered at the sight of you in nothing but your underwear and boots, your long hair falling in messy waves around your minimally tattooed arms. your sure your black eyeliner is smudged and your gloss practically jin existent but harry’s eyes make you feel like he wants nothing more then to fuck you.

“that’s much better,” he smiles again at you, and you take that as a good cue to continue on his member. eagerly, your hands go straight back to his flies, rapidly undoing them and letting his loose fit trousers fall from his hips, exposing his form fitted boxers and you get a much better idea of just how big harry’s cock really was. without realising you mumble, “i want you in my mouth so bad,” under your breath.

“fuck say that again.”

looking under your lashes again, you repeat, “i want your cock in my mouth so bad.” harry groans as his eyes roll back, his words almost being enough without your touch. but your hand still went back to his dick, pulling it out from the restraint of his boxers. it was thick and bigger then you had been with before. without missing a beat, your hand pumped him a few times, and his hips reacted instantly. as if beckoning for your lips to surround his cock, his hips thrust towards you again, and you obliged, licking and then parting your wetted lips for the head of his dick. the pre-cum touched your tongue and it urged you to take more of him further, swiping your tongue on the underside as you push more in. harry moans, gripping your scruffy hair in his large hand, and had to restrain from pushing your mouth around his whole length. as your mouth got acquainted with him, you started to move up and down the length, as harry’s moans got higher and louder.

“y/n your mouth is fucking magic.” the praise went straight to your clit and your underwear was dampening at the knowledge of the dirty things your mouth was doing.

“can you- fuck- can you grab my balls?” you responded immediately and cupped them lightly whilst continuing to bob your head on his cock.

“didn’t know you could you use your mouth for such dirty things, y/n. do i fill you better then he did?”his jealousy fuelled you to go even quicker, this time switching up to concentrating on his swollen head, your tongue lapping against it feverishly, whilst your hand pumped the rest of him. the combination of your hand and mouth was enough to drive harry insane.

“you do so good y/n, i’m gonna cum soon okay?” you release him from your mouth, and keep stroking him, eager for him to orgasm. you couldn’t describe the desperation you had to see the way he looked as he climaxed. if you were to die after this, you knew you would die happy, if only to have seen harry in that state of euphoria that only you could bring him to.

“fuck y/n i’m gonna cum,” harry pants, his thighs tensing and his eyes glazing over. you aim him over your chest and feel his load fall all over your breasts, soaking your bralet as he lets out a breathy moan. his breathes are loud and aside from the fire crackling are the only noise filling the space of the living room. you let his now soft cock go and fall back onto the sofa, too tired to think about all of what just happened, the only thought on your mind is of harry’s moans on repeat. your chest is sticky but you’re too exhausted to care. harry has slowly crept over to sit next to you on the sofa, and you’re unspokenly thankful he hasn’t distanced himself afterwards.

“i need to clean you up.” harry disappears as quickly as he arrived and comes back with a warm flannel. wiping your chest, you watch his face as his brows furrow delicately on his forehead and his mouth is slightly crooked in concentration. you loved every single portion of his face, and suddenly it meant something different. you had seen his face at it’s most real and vulnerable and you had that memory forever.

unfortunately moments like the one you and harry had finally shared don’t last forever, and once harry’s done wiping your  breasts off, he leaves a kiss on your forehead, grabs his clothes and leaves you on the sofa.