#like the intensity of the scene I just watched has me questioning my existence how can i do 40 mins more of this. fuck. FUCK

[technicalthinker]

Told myself I wasnt gonna liveblog (breaks immersion) but just fyi Im half an hour into trop s2 ep8 and I might not survive this actually

[brainwormcity]

I've seen people remark on how awkward the 1967 scene is and that is so frustrating because, for me, it is one of the most emotionally resonant flashbacks in the entire series. It is so multifaceted and ripe with implication and that assertion is baffling. As though just because this conversation appears to be hard for them, it must mean that there has to be some sense of weirdness or awkwardness between them?

This scene feeds heavily into my theory that 1941 ended in some sort of aborted romantic moment between the two, most likely initiated by Crowley. Aziraphale can barely stand to look at Crowley because the very first moment he looks him in the face, he can't stop himself from giving him this hooded eyes, barely contained look of longing.

The next thing we see is Aziraphale immediately launching into a statement about his fear for Crowley's existence that is as brutally sincere as it is heartrending. His eyes are wide, his voice is heavy with emotion, and it's clear that he is terrified beyond belief to lose Crowley. Even as he acquiesces and gives him the holy water, you can see that he wants to take it back and deny him it all over again.

Then, of course, Crowley asks if he can give him a lift, which is definitely something that they both know is a totally different question than what lies on the surface, given that they're mere feet from the bookshop and at first Crowley frowns so deeply that it's almost cartoonish but a moment after Aziraphale turns him down you get this glimpse of very real sadness:

Aziraphale sees it for what it is and in an attempt to comfort him, without being able to do what currently seems impossible to him, shares a fanciful but resigned fantasy about spending time together unbothered and unrestrained, all to the tune of these tight little, loving smiles:

When he asks again, you can just see Crowley's desperation for Aziraphale not to go. It's hard to say how long they'd been apart, but it's safe to say that for them, that previous interaction likely is very fresh in their minds.

Aziraphale has always been more fearful than Crowley when it comes to their feelings for each other. You could even potentially look at the holy water as a metaphor for their relationship. In his expressions of concern about The Arrangement, Aziraphale has always been remarking on how Crowley could be destroyed, similarly to his words here. So when he's telling him, "You go too fast for me, Crowley," what he's really saying is, "I'm terribly afraid and I'm not ready to take that step if it means that I could lose you." And it's plain to see by the wistful look on his face that it pains him greatly to say it:

The scene so quickly cuts to Crowley looking intensely at the holy water after Aziraphale has left the car (as if trying to convince you that that was the real point of the scene) that it's easy to miss this devastated expression on Crowley's face:

There's no look of perceived rejection on his face. Just a somber look of resignation. There are so many barriers in front of them, and I think that Crowley was willing to risk it but understood that Aziraphale wasn't ready to.

This is the most honest and laid bare we ever see these two be when it comes to their emotions. There's so much being said without being said and even their actual words (i.e. Crowley remembering exactly the amount of time when the 'fraternizing' conversation happened) are so full of emotion that it might even be a bit hard for some people to watch.

It's not awkward. It's just that the scene is just so incredibly earnest and heavy with coded language that it's easy to be swept up by the fact that the two aren't engaged in their typical banter and bickering. What we truly have here is an incredibly difficult and loving conversation between two people who are stuck in a seemingly impossible situation.

[toska-writes]

“Where the stars can shine”

Summary: the fighting never stops, and it never will so it’s in everyone’s best interest to find the calm moments when you can.

Pairing: The Bad Batch x padawan!reader (OF COURSE THIS IS PLATONIC)

Warning: none just so much fluff!

Word count: 1261 (not proof read but what did you expect)

Notes: IM WATCHING THE NEW BAD BATCH SEASON AFTER THIS! So this is my way of manifesting everyone being alright to end the show 🥲

The war never ended, nor would it for anyone who has endured it and its intensity.

One fight always rolled into another and nothing could be done to stop it. The only way to get through it was to find the little cracks in all the bad. The place where the sun could shine and the flowers could grow.

Or in this case, the stars could twinkle.

"This is already too high for me." Wrecker stated loudly hauling himself up the side of the Marauder.

Crosshair, who was currently under Wreck scoffed to himself before clambering up the side like it was nothing. "You never seem to have that problem when we're in the air." He quipped.

"Well I'm inside then." He whined finally being assisted by Hunter who had the small hands of Omega making sure he didn't fall.

You could only laugh at the scene, leaning back on Echo you could feel him laugh too.

"Who do you think's falling off first?" You ask with a smile that was masked by the moonlight.

"The real question is," Echo leaned forward, surprised a little bit that the top of the marauders could fit 5 fully grown clones plus omega and the Jedi padawan. "Who's going to be pushed off first."

You looked back towards him and in an instant you spoke the same word together. "Tech."

Speaking of the devil, Tech's voice rang out as you looked over to where he had an arm pointing something out beyond the horizon.

"-and if you look there you'll be able to see Endor"

Omega's eyes lit up brighter than they have been in the past few days, nothing seemed to be going right for that bad batch no matter how much they tried.

"Have you guys been there?" Omegas eyes scanned the rest of her family that sat gazing with her. The sky on this backwater planet was surprisingly clear, clearer than you thought it would be.

"Eh once or twice." Hunter shrugged it off with a smile as all that Omega could do was gawk up at her big brother.

"Thats an understatement." Crosshair added quietly from beside you. With a nudge to your shoulder he added. "That meat-head over there blew up more than half the forest and got us kicked out. For life."

"Hey!" Wrecker let go of his strong grip of the Marauder with one hand to wave it at the sniper.

Omega giggled giving you a glance as you could help but laugh at the exchange. "Have you?"

You could only smile at the found memories the question brought you. Landing with your Master on a planet you've never even heard of at that time. The trees the towered over you and the abundant shades of green that you didn't even know existed. The faint sound of your master laughing as you stared up from the base of the tall trees fathomed by the hight.

"Yeah I went once I think during the Clone Wars. It was beautiful there." You spoke, the smiles spread from Omegas face to Hunters as he watched you retell the fond memories.

"Well I also did kinda crash into a tree there but other than that the rest was beautiful." Echo hide his laugh behind you as you told the more embarrassing part of the trip.

"I think I did hear about that one." The ex arc trooper spoke out. You shoved him back slightly as your gaze returned to the stars above.

"Now if you all turn your gazes eastward you can spot the Orion constellation which should also mean the Canis Major is pretty close." Tech pointed upward now, his own eyes locked tightly on the stars.

"That one has the brightest star in the whole galaxy right?" Omega filled in, whether Tech wanted to continue himself or not he could only beam down at the girl, who clearly heard this from him before.'

You smiled also recounting when Tech probably told the group for the first time.

The bounty hunters came from nowhere that day, Omega gripped on the back of Echo's armor plate  with tears streaking down her face clearly scared.

Tech stood above you the, a data pad scanned over you as Hunter tried to apply some pressure to a wound you sustained on your side. Wrecker and Cross stood around the group, the sniper's gaze fixed on the darken horizon beyond.

Panicked breath sounded out and flown into the barren night, as much as you didn't want to scare Omega more you really could help it. You were scared yourself.

"Do you see that over there." Tech took your free arm in his hand and pointed up to the looming sky with it. "That really bright star?"

You were pulled back from your thoughts with the slightest nudge from Crosshair who spared you a glance, nobody else seemed to notice his movements

"I want to go to all of those planets one day." The words were light from Omega, a smile still evident in her voice.

"You'll definitely need to learn to fly then." You added shooting a look at Tech who finally spared a glance at someone else and was immersed in taking pictures of the different planets and constellations.

"If you can find another ship." Tech said mater-o-factly with a finger in the air.

"Aweeee Tech." Omega did the only thing she could think of, huge tooka eyes found Tech and with the pout of her bottom lip you could almost see the moment Tech cracked.

"More contemplation will be needed for that"

Though Omega wasn't disappointed for long as Crosshair whispered to her. "That's practically a yes."

Hunter laughed now shoving Crosshair back into a lying down position. He noted that his brother looked quite different without his armor, but it was a sight he could get used to.

Opening his mouth Tech was about to defend himself before a snore racked through the air. 

"Put someone else to sleep too Techy." Crosshair jabbed a finger at wrecker who still seemed to gripped the ship tightly.

You couldn't blame him though, and is wasn't just because of Tech talking, but you did insist the stars and planets were best to see in the late night. A yawn stifled through you, Echo wasn't the warmest person but the arms that wrapped around you from the clone seemed to do it.

"It's not even that late." Omega protested but her heavy eyelids seemed to contradict her own words.

"No no, we all can't fall asleep up here or it's going to be a pain getting down." Omega curled up into Hunters chest as he spoke. He slowly started to get up.

"One of us should get Wreck." Your own eyelids battled against you as you fought to sit up.

"On it." Crosshair was the last person who you thought would offer but as his leg extended you watched Wrecker rolled over the side.

His startled yell was masked by the thud of him hitting the soft grass below. 

"See it wasn't even that far." The skipper shrugged pushing himself over the edge and landing gracefully with even using the side to get down.

You chuckled as you rolled your eyes at the brothers were up to their old antics.

The chill air was a good contrast to the heated days that came before, so much fighting it seemed that it would never end.

Moments like these would always be cherished, and surprisingly Tech wasn't the one to get pushed off the Marauder.

_____________________________________

Taglist:

@arctrooper69 @thereforepizza @padawancat97 @pb-jellybeans @floffytofu @verybadatwriting @solstraalaa @ray-rook @gregorsmissingarmor

[leikeliscomet]

Flop and Bubble - I’m Not Stanning RTD2’s Racial Commentary

On Dot and Bubble, experiencing fandom backlash and what this means for the Black Brit (or lack thereof) in the writer’s room.

Part 1 - The Episode

If you’ve already seen my posts, I don’t like this episode. At all. I watched it on Friday night with everyone else not knowing what to expect and live-tweeted away. It wasn’t worth the late night stream. I rewatched it on Saturday and still felt disappointed. Apart from 50 minutes of cringe millennial/Gen Z parody, mid social media commentary, boring aliens and a whole intense, action-filled scene dedicated to Lindy trying to walk in a straight line, Dot and Bubble tried to give us a racism commentary too, which in all honestly felt like someone was taking the piss. Opening up Twitter and Tumblr to see this episode being called the best of the season and ‘the greatest’ episode of nuwho felt like a 73 Yards of my own. Most posts about how ‘groundbreaking’ and ‘important’ this story is make my eyes roll into the back of my head I’ll be honest with you. I don’t wanna copy and paste everything I’ve already said in my original thread (here’s the Tumblr version), but I’ll recap my main issues with it.

The predominantly white casting fails as a racism commentary in a show that’s already predominantly white. White fans who’ve grown up in white areas watching a predominantly white show have no reason to question why that show would be white too. It’s their default. Including that of the writer's room, as there were no Black writers for series 14. White fans who didn’t notice the white casting have no reason to. Why would they when the show has catered to them for most of its run? There is no fundamental difference between Dot and Bubble’s predominantly white cast and the all-white main cast of Series 6 or the episodes of RTD1 where Martha or Mickey were the only Black characters of the episode. But only one of these results in pearl-clutching. The self-flagellation from white fans late to notice felt very strange. Apart from the guilt of not noticing something they had no incentive to notice, nothing productive comes from this guilt. Being upset about having white privilege is an acknowledgement I guess, but what material actions are coming from this? RTD and co. wanted a message about predominantly white representation then didn’t have any Black writers in the room to create that message. There’s no point in gasping at how white the table is and then not offering Black people a place to sit. Dot and Bubble wasn’t a new story either, as it was originally planned for the Moffat era instead. What would the ending look like for the 11th Doctor? No bowties allowed? To say this episode sprinkled in racism last minute doesn’t seem that far-fetched considering it wasn’t originally a part of the script in the first place. How can I credit an ‘intentional’ build-up of microaggressions to the big racism reveal in the last 10 minutes when they were never originally there to begin with? How can this be a good commentary on the Black experience when Black writers were not only missing but the Black main character himself?

RTD Who’s campness is already something I disliked from RTD1, but for the big white supremacy episode out of all to choose from was just in poor taste to me. I already hated the Love and Monsters style episodes of the OG RTD run, but for an episode that represents systemic racism of all things felt like a slap in the face. Not to say racism can’t exist in comedy because it can. Many Black writers including in the shows I recommend later in the thread do this, but they use humour as the Black characters’ coping mechanism for racism. The actions of the racist characters aren’t minimised because of this. Dot and Bubble doesn’t have the range for this that Doctor Who fans think it does. Lindy’s incompetence is a way for Fifteen, Ruby and the audience to look down on her in the sense she’s clapped basically and her racism comes from the fact she’s unintelligent. But in the real world, white supremacy is a lot smarter. White supremacist rhetoric is hidden and cloaked intentionally so it can’t be noticed and this is used as a way of recruiting white people to join in and maintain it. White supremacy is a system constructed for the purpose of oppressing Black people and other people of colour. It’s a bit more than a few silly billies trust me. Even if we do entertain the idea of ‘accidental racism’ the only reason it happens is because of this white supremacist conditioning which tells white people it’s okay. It’s not your fault for being born in this system but it’s absolutely your fault for continuing to maintain it when you have the choice not to. The only sign of intellect Lindy has comes from when she betrays Ricky and gets him killed. This was what Lindy could’ve been. A white woman who weaponises her incompetence and innocence to her own advantage because she knows how it will benefit her in a white supremacist state. An episode with a darker tone exploring racism in a technological dystopia. This is what fans think the episode did but frankly, it didn’t, but they wanted it to because they idolise RTD to the point of creating his writing intentions for him. Lindy didn’t weaponise being incompetent she is incompetent. Her incompetence is attached to her social media obsession and youth and without these things she lacks even more intelligence than she already does. The episode promotes the idea that racism is the product of low intelligence and overreliance on technology. She is a walking talking caricature for the fans to project onto than a real person capable of actual harm. Apart from the ableist connotations that the lower the intelligence the lesser the person morally, it’s an overly basic and mediocre representation of racism. I won’t speak for the Black people who do relate to the representation of Lindy as a racist, but for me personally, the Lindys of my life were never silly in their racism. They knew what they were doing. They knew no matter how harmless their actions were (to them not me that is), they would get away with it. And they did. I didn’t have time to laugh about how silly the racists I’d met were. I was too busy trying to survive. It’s hard to giggle about being smarter than a racist when they hold the power to dehumanise you completely. What use is an intellectual high horse then?

Speaking of projecting onto characters, I don’t care about Ricky September. His main role was to get Lindy to walk in a straight line and find the escape. He provided as much interest to the episode as water adds flavour to white bread. Ricky is raised in the exact same Finetime conditioning as Lindy but he’s an antiracist icon because he likes walking and books I guess. White fans will be disappointed to know that racists can read and exist outside too. He becomes the ideal white man, a white saviour we’re supposed to distance from the rest of Finetime. The episode again reaffirms that racism is about moral character and not a system. The Ricky Midtembers of my life still benefit from racism even if they are just are just ‘nice’ white guys. Ironically, Ncuti Gatwa’s interview about white mediocrity becomes relevant again. Ricky is put on a pedestal for just existing, expecting applause from the audience. My hands are staying still.

What makes the episode’s politic even more flimsy is how it’s missing from the rest of the season. In The Devil’s Chord, Fifteen opened the TARDIS doors in 1963 with an afro and big smile on his face and I was confused. The arrival of the Windrush generation, the Bristol Bus Boycott and the Notting Hill race riots had all taken place by the time Fifteen and Ruby landed. Would this play any key role in this historical British episode featuring a Black man as the Doctor for the first time? Nah! Only a week after D&B he and Ruby were kicking it with British aristocrats in Rogue, a group of people well-known for respecting Black people for sure! The show’s avoidance of addressing Black British experiences almost feels intentional at this point. Black British history is rarely if not never taught in the British education system, let alone the rest of the world. From previous discourses on Rosa, Thin Ice and Human Nature, ignorance about our history is so prominent in the Doctor Who fandom. White British fans can’t accept the idea of racism being British, not exclusively American, on the same level as the US or even worse. And the show passes up the opportunity yet again to debunk this. So far the show’s closest attempts were Human Nature/Family of Blood and Thin Ice, but even then these episodes had limits. We had Mary Seacole in War in the Sontarans but as the title suggests, the Sontarans were the focus of the episode, not her. Whilst some white fans think the futuristic focus is a smart move, it just highlights the lack of depth a Black perspective can provide. When was the racism of Britain’s past actually addressed? How on earth can you claim learning about Britain’s racist past is limited when you don’t even know about it? How can you address race in the future when you can’t even address it today? Racism can only exist in a futuristic world, far away from Earth in a fictional blue-blooded race of the white bourgeoisie because we can’t have this sci-fi-attempting-fantasy show getting too real. Dot and Bubble’s racism needs to exist in its own isolated white echo chamber so that the racism of the Doctor Who fandom’s one can stay intact.

Dot and Bubble is a failure because it reinforces the bias white fans already have. That as long as they aren’t a specific flavour of white person (rich, Christian, cisgender, heterosexual, allosexual, able-bodied, neurotypical and perisex) they can’t be capable of anti Black racism. The episode comforts them in knowing what they already want to be true and need to be true. They don’t have to question or self-reflect their own antiblackness because the episode doesn’t give them any reason to. Why should they? They’re a Ricky not a Lindy, right? The white fans ‘saddened’ by Lindy’s low assumptions about Black men will continue in their hatred of Ryan Sinclair, Danny Pink and Mickey Smith. The white fans disgusted by Lindy’s disgust will keep going on about how ‘off’ they feel about Martha Jones but ‘don’t know why’. The white fans that ‘hate’ Lindy’s hatred of Ruby and Fifteen’s close proximity will keep gagging at the thought of the Doctor having any romantic connection to Martha Jones because she ‘deserved better than that’. The white fans ‘heartbroken’ for the ‘first’ Black doctor will keep erasing the Fugitive Doctor. The white fans that stan the ‘anti-racist’ slugs today will hate the Black people that fight against racism tomorrow. The white fans praising this episode for being ‘groundbreaking’ and ‘inspirational’ and ‘important’ will be racist to Black fans that dare to say that maybe it was a bit shit. And that is exactly what happened.

The fandom’s praise of Fifteen’s compassion, kindness and humanity (of a Time Lord that is)  hinges on him being a ‘good’ Black man for the racists that hate him to the core. If he hadn’t begged and screamed to save Lindy, that praise would’ve been revoked instantly. Fans uncomfortable at his anger towards the Chuldur and the killing of the Goblin King confirm this. Despite the long morally grey history of the Doctor, Fifteen’s darkness is uniquely ‘out of character’ because thanks to bigeneration this isn’t supposed to happen anymore (allegedly). Deep down, this is what the white audience wants. There can never be an alternative to Dot and Bubble’s ending. It’s easier to imagine racism as an inevitable part of the natural order we must experience for the sake of storytelling, the only form of conflict that Black characters and people can ever have than that we could ever, just maybe, say ‘no’ to the white standards put before us. We must beg. We must be nice. We must be compassionate. Even when history and current events have shown us time and time again white supremacy can’t be killed with kindness. Why take the boot off your neck when you can find out how strong and brave you are for handling it instead? Either that or just pretend it doesn’t exist. White incarnations of the Doctor on the other hand have and will continue to be the radical icons of the show because unlike Fifteen, white characters will always be given more agency to explore their actions and behaviours. Punch racists! Free the Ood! Stan the anti-racist slugs and eat the rich! Slay!

When Black people stop chasing after the boat, we don’t get this same radical praise. We pay a price. And the response to Dot and Bubble’s criticism would ironically prove this.

Part 2 ->

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x11 Thoughts

I have to write my thoughts down right away this time.

[Please don’t hate me if calling TL a rom-com is your favorite thing but] I’ve always felt like Ted Lasso isn’t a rom-com in the traditional sense where a protagonist finds love with an “opposites attract” kind of person and it ends right as they’ve decided to be together. Because the rom-com structure can be brilliant for what it is, but it’s all about the build-up, the whirl of questions and magic that gets you to one perfect moment of clarity. Ted Lasso is a kaleidoscope of people, all learning from the light reflected off the others. People within its world fall in and out of love, but the “movie” isn’t structured entirely around a single love story between two people. And I like that, as much as I have strong feelings about the potential for romantic love in this universe. Because a lot of times, when I watch a rom-com, I can’t quite picture what will happen to the characters who have fallen in love now that they’ve cracked the code of getting there. But, of course, what if Nora Ephron wrote a sports film? (—Jason Sudeikis.) As soon as this ep ended, my wife said she loved that this very Ephron-filled episode rather aggressively tied up a lot of loose ends all at once, with a lot of rosy moments and schmaltzy dialogue and the kind of magic that exists in a romantic comedy, revised to be about sports. Which are actually about life. Or whatever.

I appreciate that structure a lot, but even more than that I appreciate that the Ephroniest episode of this show is the penultimate one. I assume—or at least, I very much hope—that now that they’ve tied up so much and hurtled these characters so rapidly towards the close of the scene, the finale will have some breathing room to be a bit more real and more messy. I hope that it still feels like closure for this story, but I also hope that it’s open enough that we not only trust that all these people will still have lives, but will actually be able to imagine them.

It’s kind of funny how much the ending to this one felt like a cliffhanger even though I’m certain Ted is going to tell Rebecca he’s going to need to leave at the end of the season. A neat trick for the rom-com ep, cutting off the two protagonists right before their moment of clarity. Because of course Ted is already clear. And I would have HATED Rebecca’s so-self-aware-the-fourth-wall-was-quivering speech about the truth bomb if it weren’t for Ted so clearly having something to say, and if it weren’t for how casual and almost careless she is about being down in the office simply because it’s on-schedule. I mean, this woman was in no way able to handle it when Higgins merely suggested rethinking Ted’s role when the season was going badly; I’m really curious how shaken she’s going to be when he tells her, and how quickly she’ll get to acceptance. 

For all that I loved the flirtation with rom-com structure, and the big sports movie messages, and all the very intense interpersonal dynamics (Ted and his mom! Beard and Nate! Roy and Keeley and Jamie loose in Manchester! Even the ten seconds of Bex and Ms. Kakes showing up at Rebecca’s doorstep!), there’s also a big part of me that’s just aching, though, because I just love Ted and Rebecca and Ted&Rebecca and Ted/Rebecca so much. And even though their connection would never be a rom-com romance to me—because their connection is forever, and their connection has already taken so much good work, and that’s as it should be—I would love to watch them fall in love in a romantic way (if not a rom-com way). That still of them watching the movie together was sooooo lovely and soft and framed with such perfect movielight that I just feel wistful. But Ted is right about You’ve Got Mail not quite being his favorite story. It’s Sam’s rom-com, and I would have even liked the little glance between Sam and Rebecca as Sam feels his own wistfulness if it weren’t for how much I just wanted to see that promo still come to life.

(The absolute bullshit of shipping wars notwithstanding, I feel like even among the sensible non-warring people there is a camp of seeing no romance between T/R and a camp of seeing romance in everything between T/R, and I’m just. In neither place. I have seen a lot of their connection points this season as full of the potential for some kind of realized love, and I think many of the things they have said to each other and done for or with each other have a comfort and familiarity that could flip nearly instantaneously into a romantic and sexual love. Also, aren’t rituals kinda kinky anyway? And their whole relationship is based on rituals? 

It’s so weird; I don’t think I’m delusional, but I could still see them having a huge moment in 3x12 and in fact am certain there will be one, I just don’t know what it will mean to them. But I will never be like “I’m clowning again” when it comes to this shit because the ingredients are literally all there, and I guess they can make whatever cake they want, and I’ll unclownily respect it while continuing to see what I see.)

Other stuff: 

Ted’s mom added some cutesy pillows and kitchen stuff to Ted’s flat, right? I think it’s interesting that her ultimate message was that Henry misses Ted and that he can’t be scared of parenting him, but in the lead up to that truth she was doing stuff to populate his living space in London more fully. I’m curious if that was the equivalent of the cute animal videos he referenced in s1, when she’s trying to work up the courage to talk about something real, or if it was something about a parents’ desire to make their children more comfortable even if they screw up, or if it portends something more complicated on the horizon w/r/t Ted’s relationship to “home.” 

I loved Becky Ann Baker’s performance so much, and I thought Jason Sudeikis played off her incredibly well. There is nothing more irritating than being irritated by someone whose worst qualities are the exact same as your worst qualities. And when Rebecca and Beard and Higgins and the entire team just adore Dottie, it’s just so…of COURSE THEY DO. It was so good.

I think this show has something very frustrating to say about forgiveness and I think maybe there needs to be a different word for this concept they keep invoking?! I’m certain there are interesting philosophical and theological beliefs about forgiveness and how it’s not really about willfully becoming okay with someone who has hurt you but more about freeing yourself from how horrible it feels to be trapped by how that person made you feel. And I think that is what Ola advises Sam to do when thinking about the bigots who trashed him publicly and trashed his restaurant, and I think that is what Ted advises Jamie to do when he suggests how Jamie reframe how he feels about his dad. I don’t think either conversation is intended to minimize the horrors of what has happened, and it feels like the intention/vibes/overall care for the person receiving the advice/outcome in each situation is “correct” in that both Sam and Jamie end up finding the conversations helpful. But something about forgiveness as a concept just feels like they needed to invent some new word or contextualize the old word better or something.

When Jamie’s mum takes his side about his hair being walnut haze OH MY GOD.

Genuinely thought Keeley and Roy were fully back together last episode and I think Rebecca also thought this, LOL. I am unsure what I even want to happen at this point. I mean, obviously Jamie/Keeley/Roy should ride off into the sunset together. So I guess I do know what I want to happen.

Beard backstory! Ted and Beard backstory! I am so, so glad the Ted and Nate reunion didn’t happen in the Ephron ep. I am so, so glad Beard showed up and gave something of himself and grew as a human being a little bit. I’m glad that Nate did not send anyone any groveling tomes, and that this continues to be a story about forging and reforging connections rather than the economy of redemption. 

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m fuckin’ exhausted. Until next time, so long, farewell. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.) 

[chairteeth]

Fun fact, Nemu is a sadist

So you see Papa I know I’m gonna need screenshots for this one but HEAR ME OUT. I have actual arguments for this. There’s gonna be a lot of screenshots though, because I feel like in this case it’s a bit more overt once you look at it through this lens. This isn’t so much an essay as something similar to that time I went on a short rant about how Touka acts like a cat but here you go.

Editing Note: The Ao3 version of this essay is superior, I recommend it more than the post.

I’m gonna be very blunt. Nemu is a sadist. An extremely picky sadist that goes from mild to borderline disturbing, but a sadist nonetheless. Girlie has hella concerning moments. There’s the part about enjoying seeing people in pain, yes, particularly pain caused by her (directly or indirectly), but it’s more complex than that. It’s relishing one’s power over others. It’s enjoying when others are humiliated. Enjoying putting people in messed up positions and situations, watching or forcing them to hurt themselves or their loved ones, Sisyphean tasks, etc. There’s pretty terrifying potential to what she would be capable of if encouraged, considering her extensive historical and literary knowledge (looking at you, Madness of Hercules Shizuka. If you know you know).

As for the reasons, well, it makes sense with her background and as a coping mechanism, a way to vent. Sadism most often originates from feeling powerless in daily life, general powerlessness/lack of power even over the self, and repressed anger/frustration, so it tracks with what we know about Nemu. And yes, this happens since childhood. I’m gonna explain my arguments for the intense ‘Nemu is a sadist’ interpretation I have, don’t you worry, and there will be screenshots galore for once!

Let’s start with the mildest stuff. Which is actually Touka-related. Nemu really enjoys getting a reaction out of Touka, mainly earlier in their relationship (when she wasn’t Irreversibly Whipped)—though bits of it remain. This manifests in all of the teasing and the purposeful “humiliation” through things like games (the card game scene comes to mind). It’s easy too, because Touka is so extremely reactive. Here’s a very old example of this much milder manifestation, the card game scene in question:

Touka then starts crying (you can see the tears) because she’d mapped out the entire game and memorized Nemu’s cards and Nemu truly had no reason to pull this move. Leading to this response from Nemu:

Going to another side of things, the funny (/s) humiliation uwasa should not be overlooked. I know I haven’t posted my document where I hyperoveranalyze what each and every one of Nemu’s uwasa means (because it is incredibly disturbing in this raw form), HOWEVER, the Rumor of the Cemetery Banquet Feast is just one of multiple rumors that adds to this specific topic. And also uh the Fashion Monster. There are many, many things that I can gleam from the latter existing in the first place, but it’s described as:

“A Rumor that appears before confident, dressed up girls. It drags its victims into an alley, and if the Rumor isn’t told it looks stylish, it will strip off the victim’s clothes.”

Thank you Nemu, thank you so much. I don’t think I have to say anything for you to see why this applies to the sadist thing. As for the Rumor of the Cemetery Banquet Feast:

“My, have you heard? Who’d you hear it from? The Cemetery Banquet, and the rumor thereof! Fated rivals, arguing friends– if you want everyone to get along, then this Rumor is for you! Anyone who reads its invitation will be guided to the pre-banquet proving grounds. If– and only if– you can make the banquet lively, then you pass! And you’ll be invited up to Paradise, complete with kindly parting words. But if you plan to participate, you’d better take great care! If you fall short of proving yourself, you’ll literally fall into the underworld, to boot. It’s a rumor that ALL of the temple’s supporters are talking about. C’mon now, let’s liven things up!”

And the way the event goes is… Well. 

The Rumor greets its “attendees” in a kind, heavenly voice, casually “forgives” (brushes off) their attempts to break its rules, and gives gentle encouragement (plus painfully-gentle critique) as they resort to performing various party tricks to satisfy it. Once they satisfy the Rumor by setting aside both their pride and their mutual animosities, it escorts them to the top of its pagoda in a giant, golden hand… where they literally pass on to the afterlife.

Thank you Nemu, thank you so much. I think you see where I’m coming from here. As for some of the other things I mentioned at the start, well, there’s this part of Arc 1 Chapter 8:

She truly does speak in the cultiest possible way. Her dialogue is far more cult leader-like than Alina's or Touka's. There's also this part:

Doesn’t she look quite pleased… These are pretty much one after another. But okay fine, here’s a couple from Chapter 9:

Really. Really look at this through the sadism lens. She also giggles while telling the others that they’ve reached their limit right after Kanagi and especially Tsuruno expresses feeling sick and heavy and in pain. Which… is a worse reaction than Touka’s, that’s for sure. What’s fascinating is that in her MGS, Nemu seems to care the most about the Feathers.

As for my final example, I’m just gonna leave a bunch of screenshots from Uwasa Tsuruno’s MGS here. Pay attention to the way Nemu speaks to Tsuruno and the words she chooses to use (it'd be a lot more obvious if Nemu was older than Tsuruno probably):

So in closing. Nemu Hiiragi is a sadist. Funny venting mechanism you’ve got right there, I sure hope it won’t lead to anything more questionable than you’ve already done. Good luck with your wife, Touka, have fun.

[partyfears]

3, 12, 14, and 15 for FT asks? :D

Okay so to start with I’m sorry that I took so long to answer this!! Thank you for asking you lovely person and also I’ve been drinking for hours (merry christmas ho ho ho 🎅🏼) so these answers may be a load of unintelligible shit but lol whatever lets go

3. What is your favourite episode and why?

It might be a controversial one but honestly? Episode 1. I just love beginnings. The hope and potential and possibility of a fresh start, the excitement and thrill of the unknown, the electricity of new connections, I’m just a sucker for it. I watched episode 1 when it first aired and honestly felt as though it could’ve existed as a stand alone short film. It was the perfect way to set the scene for the series but also was such a beautifully told story in its own right. Idk if any of you have watched Weekend by Andrew Haigh? Idk if I’m chatting nonsense here but it gave me a similar vibe to that… all the emotion and potential and unspoken truths simmering under the surface, intense feelings manifesting as sexual interplay… all of it culminating in what felt like somewhat repressed and wasted potential. I’ll shut up now lol but it was such a perfect first episode. I could babble about it endlessly.

12. Which song, used in soundtrack, you liked the most?

Ooooh such a good question - are we talking about the score, or are we talking songs that were included? Whatever I’ll do both

Score wise can I just say it is the most fucking gorgeous soundtrack, I am such a slut for a good soundtrack and this one has me in a chokehold I love it. It’s so emotional, I cry just listening to it. Paul Leonard-Morgan I loge you you’re a genius

My favourite piece of music from the score has to be Waiting for Tim, it makes my heart ache. I’d love to say something a bit more eloquent about it but honestly it just makes me want to throw up from emotion ✌️ omg and Forbidden Joy that plays during the game of charades in ep2, that scene makes me feel like someone just scooped out my insides

Aside from the score I loooove anything by Arthur Russell, especially Love Is Overtaking Me. If Its Magic by Stevie Wonder is also amazing, especially as a choice for the opening scene. Also You Turned The Tables On Me by Anita O’Day. And omg Found A Cure by Ashford and Simpson that plays when Tim and Hawk are dancing in the club, so so so good

14. Do you have any unpopular opinions about Fellow Travelers?

Hmm….

I don’t think it’s controversial, but I do think that all the people on TikTok and the like who comment like ‘Fuck Hawk he’s evil and never loved Tim!!!’ must either be emotionally constipated or like 14 years old. Like how can a fully grown adult watch this show and come to that conclusion???? And whyyyy are people so obsessed with good vs bad? ‘Tim is an innocent baby and Hawk is a BAD MAN’ like how is that all you see?? Surely that is the least interesting thing about these characters? The most wonderful thing about this show is that everybody is painfully human, they hurt and hurt others and make mistakes just like we do. How can you boil down an entire human being to being ‘good’ or ‘bad’? It’s boring and I have no interest in it. It’s so telling of the time that we live in, that people immediately want to categorise human beings based on their perceived morality. All the characters in this show are just shades of grey, they are nuanced complicated human beings carrying all the complexity that a human being should carry. The focus should not be on bad vs good. It frustrates me!! That is surely the least interesting thing about these characters!! They have such rich inner worlds and such complex motives and you want to reduce them down to “Hawk is bad man and Tim is innocent baby and Lucy is evil lady” ugh it’s so BORING how is that all you see

15. What is your favourite relationship from the show (could be romantic or platonic)?

Oh this is so easy. Obviously fav romantic is Hawk and Tim - pretty self explanatory, I won’t elaborate or we’ll be here all day

Favourite platonic is Tim and Jackson without a shadow of a doubt, I’ve talked about this quite a lot on here already (I think? Or was that on reddit?) but yeah, I just feel as though they were connected from the moment Jackson was born and, similarly to how infrequent Hawk and Tim’s interactions were, Tim and Jackson remained connected for life, regardless of how much time and distance was placed between them. They were kindred spirits. I feel as though their scenes together were some of the most pure and honest and powerful in the entire show.

[pessimisticgh0st]

HELLO AGAIN

i am once again bored and plaguing you with my awful existence to ask you dumb questions:

if you were to get into a war on twitter what would it be about? (the more specific and detailed of an answer you give the better)

very sorry that i do this and annoy you - aware that i mildly suck lol :)

ENJOY YOUR DAY GO OUT THERE AND BOTHER PEOPLE YOU DESERVE TO TAKE UP SPACE AS MY FUCKING AWESOME TUMBLR MUTUAL AND FRIEND :)

Hello again to you too

STOP BELITTLING YOURSELF. You will never plague me and your existence is the complete opposite of awful. I love talking to you and answering /asking you questions (I honestly need to start plaguing your inbox more, I'm truly sorry I haven't done it as often as I should).

That's a tough one... I think maybe something to do with the lack of sapphic rep in media? I don't know how much of a war it would be though, I just have a lot I could say about it.

Like I'm truly happy that mlm people have so much representation, but why must wlw people have to watch as decent sapphic shows get cancelled after one season? I'm not saying it should happen to mlm media, I just wish it was more equal. Why aren't there more sapphic books getting adapted into film and TV? Why are sapphic characters always getting overlooked in media or ignored? Why are there very little sapphic coming of age films? Why can't we see our experiences on screen too? Why is it that often in mainstream media sapphic characters are used just to check a box instead of actually developing the characters?

I feel the same for all identities to be honest - not just queer ones - because there is a severe lack of decent representation in the media, and it's fucking tiring at this point. Like it's 2024 for fuck sake but whenever there is representation for a minority group, it's just for the sake of representation rather than the people actually spending the time to enrich the characters and give them actual personality traits and it pisses me off intensely. But hey, instead they just continue to keep making remakes of things no one asked for, and repeating the same story lines that have been told a million times before when there are so many wonderful stories that haven't been told yet. (I'm aware each take on a plot will always be ultimately different, but realistically they all just copy off each other and blur into one because of repeatedly flat characters and dead dialogue).

To me it seems like most of the TV industry seem to be so scared of their show getting canned that they end up rushing character development and scenes so they end up ruining the plot entirely in the end which saddens me greatly.

Sorry for the rant, I don't know if it has the level of detail you were asking for but it was something, I guess.

And please don't apologise! You do not annoy me at all and you definitely don't suck. Thank you for asking me this :) but what about your answer @justquietcorners?

You're too kind, but thank you (though I didn't really do that much — I'm as social as a bloody rock). But please do the same, my fucking amazing tumblr mutual and friend :)

[halsinshoneypot]

You Are More Than Her Lies pt.3

To the girls, the gays, and the theys. I'm on my period and it's fucking awful - instead of 2 chapter uploads I'm gonna write a long one and hope you guys enjoy my literary waffle. I'm a heavy fantasy-romance reader (the Maas universe has me in a chokehold and I'm foaming at the mouth waiting for flame and shadow) so do not be surprised that there is a lot of inner dialogue and scene description over character dialogue. Now. Time to binge eat Reese's while escaping reality by writing <3

Sanji 

“I killed an official of the capital...” Zoro mumbled, looking away with a painful grin on his face. 

“Huh?!” Sanji shouted, watching as his unlit cigarette went flying to the sand.  

Sanji’s mind broke. Mosshead was supposed to lay low, LAY LOW, not KILL an OFFICIAL of Wano. Just... what the fuck?! For the love of God, I hope none of the other’s followed his stupidity. The blond didn’t know what to say, what to do, what to even think ahead for. Was Zoro being chased? Were the others with him? Where are they? Why did he kill the city official? The question’s kept piling up and Sanji was too worried for the other crewmates to ask for the answers, if he didn’t acknowledge the bad, the bad didn’t exist – a hands over eyes kind of situation. But he needed to face the truth, because the possible consequences of mossheads actions could have the crew in deep shit and if they were, well, the two men needed to form a rescue plan. Maybe I can get mosshead to figure out where we are first and then sneak back to the capital? No, that man can’t navigate for shit. We’d just get eaten by a wild tiger or drown in quicksa- 

“The others are fine. It was just me. Their covers aren’t blown, and they had no idea anything was happening for them to intervene – I made sure of it. They are always my priority, so stop worrying.” The feeling of confidence and reassurance trickles down the bond, this answers Sanji’s worries, and he is surprised that the swordsman had the brains to not include the other crew in his fuck up. But Zoro has always been protective over the crew, even over Sanji – Luffy the most, who isn’t though? – so it shouldn’t be surprising he didn’t risk the others. Maybe the blond was being a little harsh. On that note, Sanji lets go of the swordsman and sits opposite of him, deciding to gather their baring's to avoid the intense staring Zoro was adamant on.  

“Oh, I didn’t realize I was projecting. My Robin-chwan is safe! But where are we? Do you at least know that?” There was the beach, a light and delicate sand that got darker the more contact it had with the deep blue of the sea. The shipwrecks were an ugly contrast to the stunning day that Wano was experiencing, the harsh view making reality that much more apparent. A cooling wind rushed between the wreckage’s, creating a whistling sound. Shadows of exotic trees native to Wano were towering over the beach but only slightly touching the two men, a sweet relief from the blaring sun made the cook want to reside in the full shade rather than fight in the sun. All Sanji could gather was that the climate of Wano was exotic, desert like in their current location, but he could see greenery in the distance. and he wasn’t sure if that would change the further inland they travelled. The cook could see some towers with smoke pollution in the far distance, the heat of the land and wind causing the sights to dance. If that was a factory then they must be close to a town. “I know we are in Wano”, the cook deadpans at the swordsman who only gives back a cheeky grin, “You were wondering around lost weren’t you?” This doesn’t surprise Sanji, it’s expected of the swordsman, Sanji had to ask in case the universe decided to be kind and give Zoro a sense of direction – but Sanji new not to hope for the impossible.  

“I’m not wondering around lost... I’m just making sure Wano is fully explored, if there are any undiscovered societies or islands! How did you get here? Where’s the rest of the WCI crew?” Zoro’s tanned neck and tips of his ears started to turn pink, ignoring the fact that the two men shared a bond, his anatomy couldn’t hide his embarrassment from his directional challenges. Once again, because apparently the poor cook doesn’t a break, panic rises again “I don’t know! We travelled UP a waterfall with some koi that Luffy had a hold of”. As the cook rattled on about the events that led up to him being washed ashore an abandoned shipwrecked beach, Zoro tried his best to keep the cook from passing out – reminding the cook to “Take a breath shitty brow”, “Okay repeat that part but slower”, “Will you just slow down”. Sanji found it rather rude of Zoro, but the swordsman knew how the cook got when retelling events, he started to speed up and blame himself, claiming that if he was stronger than the event wouldn’t of went the way it did. The blond never catches onto Zoro’s reassuring looks; his comments that focusing on the past would hinder the cook's future growth, that Zoro would always have the crews back, and especially Sanji’s.  

Sanji thought Zoro’s comments were because the swordsman was too stupid to keep up, of course the stupid muscle head didn’t understand Sanji, of course he didn’t have to worry about being strong enough to protect the crew, of course he would always come to Sanji's aid. It infuriates when the mosshead tells Sanji to take a breath or slow down; what if while informing the mosshead what happened just means the crew get injured further, get taken further away from their current location or possibly killed! Zoro is always calm, showing anger but in a controlled manner and then giving a short but quick speech to rescue or avenge the crew that were blackmailed or taken – as much as Sanji hated Zoro for being everything he couldn’t, Sanji also liked that about Zoro. The consideration and comforting words the swordsman has an uncanny way with, the bond that he doesn’t need to use to silently communicate to Sanji with and how it always works. Just like now, the frustration that Sanji felt was being wrapped and lulled to determination, changing the need to kick something into the need to wrap his arms around Zoro and thank him.  

“You have no clue where they are, it’s fine. Knowing Luffy he’s made friends, ate some food and promised to beat up some corrupt person terrorizing his new friend's life. Since we are in Wano, that corrupt person is most likely Kaido and Luffy knows he needs his crew with him – needs his two strongest by his side. Nami is crafty, she’ll bat her eyelashes and scam her way to Usopp or someone already in Wano and get safe. The rest of them will either follow Nami or Luffy so we don’t have to worry. It’s okay, take a smoke and calm a little, use that smart brain of yours”. Zoro ranted, his hands on the blond's shoulders, grounding his thoughts from running further. Sanji listened and wondered why he didn’t think those things, but Zoro did. This moment solidifies why Zoro is first mate and Sanji the second. Zoro’s words are why Sanji can never be fully committed to the bit of hating each other, so Sanji does as the mosshead says.  

Getting up from the sitting position the two are in, Sanji starts to walk towards the trunk of a large tree, “Follow me will you, this heat makes me more agitated than calm” Sanji explains to the mosshead – who lets out a gruff and follows Sanji to the tree, feeling the same way about the heat. The cook is the first to and rest against the tree, the swordsman sits next to him, their shoulder’s touching “You don’t need to sit so close mosshead, I’m not going to run off on a single man rescue mission!”. “I know, but this helps me; I’ve missed the crew, even the ones I see around the FC. I feel more myself when I’m around you lot, and I’ve been walking for days in this heat. So, deal with it.” Zoro says, eyes closed, and head tilted back on the tree. 

Sanji blushes a little, he implied my presence is relaxing, didn’t he? Or the whole crews? Or each of us in our own way maybe. “Are you saying I’m relaxing to be around?” Sanji had to get clarification, Zoro acted like this with Nami and Luffy after the 2years they were separated. What’s changed for Sanji to become one of those people? “You are the first one I’ve seen from the WCI mission, and I’m exhausted. If you were Luffy I’d be on the floor suffocating from his crushing hugs. Plus, you are strong enough to have my back so I’m comfortable relaxing around you. I’m assuming I’m not making you uncomfortable cause you would’ve kicked me away by now” the exhaustion was clear in the swordsman voice. “You taking a nap isn’t gonna help us find the other’s ya’know, but if you insist on some photosynthesis then who am I to stop you.”, the blond quips up, hoping it’ll help the slight awkwardness he felt. 

“I would need sun for that, not shade.”, of course he tries to be smart now. A sleepy feeling slithered down the bond, like getting in a warmed-up bath after being out in the snow all day, but no feeling of bracing for a threat like there usually is. Turning to get a proper view of Zoro’s head, Sanji sees how at peace Zoro is; his head tilted back, a slight smile to his usual scowl, the shade meant he didn’t need to squint his eyes leading him to look more youthful, and his chest was rising in a steady pace. It’s been a while since Sanji last got to see or even feel Zoro like this, possibly the trip from Punk Hazard to Dressrosa, even then there were certain stressors (like their multiple guests) so maybe before that? Then again, it’s been a while since their lives have had any semblance of calm. The rise and fall of the mossheads shoulder against Sanji's felt nice, the physical touch should’ve repelled him, burnt him, had him hissing like a cat at some tinfoil. Instead, the feeling was welcomed, and Sanji spent some of Zoro’s light nap wondering why they don’t behave like this around each other – the answer is Sanji and his embarrassment. Finding that answer led to memories of Momoiro Island and Ivankov’s teaching’s which helped Sanji grow both physically and personally.  

Ivankov gave Sanji a lot of insight on how to learn new fighting styles and grow the ones he currently used. The revolutionary also noticed something new of Sanji that few others have, Sanji shared a bond, a soulmate bond. The soulmate aspect of the bond was news to the cook. He didn’t mean for Ivankov to find out about the strange power linking the two crewmates to each other, but on one particular training day Sanji felt immense pain. Pain so strong that he also felt where on Zoro it originated from, his left eye. Sanji reacted to the pain, screaming until he felt Zoro close off his emotions to the bond. Ivankov wouldn’t let go of what happened, the queen thought it was a side effect from training and wanted to lessen the blond's load. The truth finally came out at the idea of not being able to improve, to catch up to the others, to get strong enough to protect Zoro from that kind of pain in the future.  

Learning the bond was due to the two men being soulmates was an even bigger shock than the fact Skypiea existed. Sanji knew there was some attraction to men, but he got confused quite often – thinking his attraction was more to the other male powers, wishing he had said powers to impress ladies with. When he started to find certain men attractive when they didn’t have desirable powers that’s when the blond started questioning. It was a rough journey and Ivankov didn’t help the acceptance of the newly dug up attractions. Learning Zoro (of all the people in the world, that shitty mosshead?!) was his soulmate only made Sanji’s feelings towards the man more turbulent. Even now, watching Zoro nap peacefully and knowing it was due to Sanji’s presence made his heart beat that little bit quicker, but would he admit that to the swordsman first? No, he needs to know if the swordsman felt the same way, then he would do something about their entwined fate.  

“I hope you figure it out soon, I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.” Sanji muttered, feeling a bit more at peace with their situation then he did a few minutes ago.  

“Hm? Figure out what?” Zoro mused; I should’ve kept my mouth shut, Sanji thought. 

[iwonderwh0]

"The usual" Hank ordered, then glanced at Connor, who stood quietly next to him, watching, hands behind his back.

"You want anything?" Hank asked.

Connor frowned turning his head as he was about to say something, but Hank chuckled.

"Just kidding."

"Still follows you?" asked the owner of the "Chicken feed", indicating Connor with a nod.

"It's consensual."

----------

Hank bit into his burger as Connor stared at him, leaning on the stand-up table. Although he wasn't making any remarks about Hank's habits it became quickly uncomfortable as Connor's eyes continued to follow his every movement with a look of intense curiosity.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" asked Hank with a slight frown.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Do you always look at people like you're watching zoo animals?"

"Sorry," said Connor looking away from Hank, but barely a minute has passed before his eyes were drawn back to where they were before.

Hank slurped with his drink trying to make an eye contact intense enough for Connor to take a hint, but he seemed rather clueless, or maybe just pretended to be this way.

"Gee, I wish you could eat something so you wouldn't just stare at me the entire time." said Hank putting his drink down.

"How does it taste?" asked Connor eye-pointing at the burger.

"Is that what you've been thinking?"

He nodded.

Hank looked at the burger, thinking about how can it be best described, but not finding the right words he just shrugged.

"Tastes like a burger to me."

Connor thought about something for a moment and finally looked away.

"Have you thought about changing anything?" Hank asked, trying to make up for his failed attempt at describing food, "Like trying new clothes or... going somewhere, watching a movie or something." Hank stopped for a moment thinking what else to add to that list.

"If you're interested I can change my hair colour." Connor said.

"That's...not what I was thinking, but whatever works for you."

Hank took another bite thinking about this weird offer, but Connor kept looking at him as if waiting for a response.

"You mean like now?"

He nodded.

"Watch this."

Connor's hair gradually started to turn from dark brown into light shade of blond.

"What the..." Hank put his burger aside and reached his hand to touch Connor's head, "Now you can just turn blond on command?"

"For example," Connor tilted his head as his hair colour changed once again from blond to to black, "Or I can turn them pretty much any other colour. Like black. Or ginger."

Hank took a sip from his drink, looking at yet another change in Connor's hair colour. It involuntarily reminded him of some sailor-moon type of transformations. The thought made him smile.

"I think I should actually keep them this way," said Connor as his hair turned fully ginger, "It suits me."

"Why?" Hank frowned, confused with this sudden decision.

"Isn't it obvious?" Connor smiled expectedly, but Hank's expression turned even more confused.

"What part of it is supposed to be obvious?"

Connor's smile became slightly bigger.

"Gingers have no soul."

Hank didn't laugh. He looked at him seriously, almost disgusted.

"Very funny, Connor. Very." He put his drink down.

"You won't finish your meal?" asked Connor as Hank walked away from the table.

"No, you can have it."

------------

This scene was originally part of the fic (which I now feel like I'll never finish since my perception of the story and characters changed and now I can't feel them the same way I used to), but this scene can exist perfectly fine without any additional context so I decided to share it. I died laughing when I first thought of that, so I hope some of you will enjoy it as well.

[egyptologist-that-never-was]

First post and some Good Omens musings

Firstly, yes I know this is my first ever post and I have had this, largely forgotten, account for years. Apologies if I don't post properly, I don't social media a lot.

Secondly, I know I'm a crap writer, but I have a swirling head full of thoughts and this seemed like a better place than most to write it out. After the last month I have had I could well be reading into things that aren’t there, but hey-ho, that is half the fun of head-canon I think. 

What is ahead contains Good Omens 2 spoilers so…don't read ahead if you don't want them, I guess.

I watched through all of Good Omens 2 today for the second time, and I noticed something. I don't think Maggie and Nina are just a mirror of Crowley and Aziraphale's own relationship. I think they might be Crowley and Aziraphale. 

Maggie's record shop never seems to sell anything and has been there for generations. Vinyl is pretty popular, and you would think it would do a decent trade but it doesn't seem too, except for her apparently sending records to a random pub in Edinburgh (which is odd in itself, surely there would be one more local, it’s Edinburgh after all) and them sending her back copies and copies and copies of the same single from the 50s. She doesn't seem to either react to being as weird as it really is, or tell them to stop sending them.

In the first scene in the 'Give Me Coffee or Give me Death' a classical version of Bohemian Rhapsody is playing in the background. Also it seems to be a reference to 'Give me liberty or give me Death', which could be equating the Revolutionary war as breaking free of Heaven/Hell or apocanearlys (I am British though, and my knowledge of American history is intensely patchy). 

In the Ball in the Bookshop Nina is fully well aware that something is under effect as she comments that she knows she should be feeling bad but she isn't. She also calls Maggie 'Angel' when they are counseling Crowley and Maggie gives her a *look*, which could be 'stop slipping'.

Aziraphale also tries to miracle Maggie and it doesn't work. I assume that Aziraphale would notice if it failed so Maggie can't pretend it worked. He's under pressure at the time so doesn't question it.

Which way around is it? I’m not sure, the obvious would be Maggie the record seller who dresses like it’s the 50s would be Aziraphale, and the much more sarcastic Nina is Crowley. I’ve yet to figure out a reason, but I would assume it’s to do with the Second Coming (or going by some of the newspaper headlines and the opening credits the second already here) and the how? To use a familiar phrase, wibbly-wobbly timey wimey…stuff. As in his previous existence, Crowley was something akin to an angelic Astro-physicist, and we know he is powerful as he brought Mr Brown back without really thinking about it and could open the files in heaven..

But like I said earlier it’s probably the muddled thoughts of an overtired, stressed, not-far-off-40 year old who’s had a horrible month. Yes, the ending broke my heart, but the sadness was in a way I cannot explain precisely what I needed to breach the floodgates. The land of my soul can repair and life can flourish again. So to Neil, to Terry, to David, to Michael and to everyone else… Thank you.

[skye-huntress]

The Witch from Mercury Reaction

Episode 12: “Keep Marching on Instead of Running Off”

I am so very late getting this out. Winding back to the night it aired, I recall this intense feeling of apprehension, so I wasn’t in the mood to record my thoughts during or after the show, so I called it a night. After that, I got distracted by one thing or another so I had to force myself to sit down and do a rewatch. I like doing this, I want to do more of this for other things I enjoy, but I don’t keep up the habit it’d be difficult to start over. With that explanation out of the way, here are my thoughts on the Season 1 finale.

That Sophie really has a few screws loose. Giving her dramatic and theatrical introduction to Suletta… who can’t possibly see or hear her!

“The girl will come to us.” “The girl”? That’s some reductive language to use for your own daughter. That said, this reiterates that Suletta is still important to Prospera’s plans. Perhaps she has a certain synergy with Aerial that Prospera just couldn’t match. Just as she needed Ericht to pilot the Lfrith, she needs Suletta to pilot Aerial.

Interesting choice for Jeturk to pilot a suit himself. Perhaps it is that same sense of pride (or arrogance) to take control of one’s own fate that we’ve seen in Bob few times

Why can’t Delling just tell his daughter to put on a space suit without framing it as a criticism?

So despite being Lfrith models like Aerial, these new Gundam’s still seem to function the same as every other Gundam we’ve seen. So the question is, is the technology less dangerous or is there something different about the pilots to keep them from dying?

“The Antidote” doesn’t work on them either, though it’s clear raising the Permit score to 4 puts a severe strain on the body. Sophie’s comment about still being alive is probably something to take note of. I might have an idea or two of what that’s about but perhaps its best to wait until we learn more about the Witches from Earth

That pollution comment is one I take interest in. Using live ammunition in space is especially dangerous, especially when fired so recklessly. Fire a bullet on Earth, and a combination of air resistance and gravity will limit how far and how fast it travels. In the vacuum of space, any object fired will keep its momentum until it hits something. While I’m sure Norea has very valid criticisms of Spacians, especially in regards to Earth’s pollution, she is just as despicable for disregarding this issue even if you ignore the terrorism and murder.

Of course Suletta’s first thought is to save Miorine.

Wasn’t expecting to hear anything about what actually happened to Miorine’s mother. I think I’m starting to get a sense of what Delling is like, though do not get me wrong, he’s still a massive asshole who should probably be sitting in prison.

This is starting to feel a lot like the prologue, what with the ordinary workers just going about their day being murdered indiscriminately.

Looks like Earth House made it despite holing up in a massive target. Of course, it’s difficult to give credit to Nika when she was partially responsible for endangering everyone in the first place. Now the question lingers about how the confrontation with Martin will turn out.

Oh look, Bob got his first win in 11 episodes… and he still loses! Definitely the series’ punching bag. That said, on his account, this was just horrendously bad luck. As for his father, I’d almost consider it karma if I actually thought such a thing existed.

So now the scene between Suletta and Prospera is one I wanted to watch again closely. It’s difficult for me to find fault with anything Prospera is saying because there is clear logic there. This is a kill or be killed situation where surrender and negotiation are not an option. Still Suletta has a certain child-like innocence to her, while also having been moulded by Prospera over the years to be a weapon.

I think the real issue has to do with the mantra, “run, gain one; move forward, gain two”. There are many situations where that works, especially for someone who lacks confidence like Suletta, however it doesn’t always work like that. The prologue proved there are cases where running is the better option. There are also situations where there are more options than “forward” or “run”. Of course, this situation wasn’t it.

There are a number of other nuances regarding this issue as well, but considering they were in the middle of a crisis, it wouldn’t be fair to fault Prospera for not bringing them up, even if she never has any intention to. It just wasn’t the time or place to discuss morality, ethics, rules of engagement and all number of topics. For better and worse, Prospera’s method of encouraging Suletta was probably the difference between life and death for Miorine and a number of other people.

Aerial has received quite the upgrade, but the result I think makes her look less friendly and more intimidating. In other words, more like a true machine of war. I take issue with that. I agree with Sophie, I prefer the old look, too.

Even in the middle of the fight, with life or death consequences, Aerial managed to check the status of Earth House and their ship.

Two Gundams, using live ammo, and they still can’t even scratch Aerial

I’m questioning what it is that Sophie actually wants from Suletta. To fight her? Screw her? Both?

At first, I was somewhat peeved that the credits started after Suletta and Aerial located Miorine, then the after credits scene started and that strong sense of anxiety I had before came back with interest.

I can’t really fault Suletta for that action. There was a terrorist with a gun pointed at her fiancée and she was in a giant robot that wasn’t designed to fight humans on foot. There was an extremely tight window for her to react before he got a shot off. That the action was so gory could not have easily been avoided if that were even possible.

I also can’t fault Miorine’s reaction to seeing that display from her perspective up close, having blood and dismembered body parts make contact with her. There’d probably be something deeply wrong with her if that didn’t freak her the fuck out.

The part that gets me though is how seemingly unaffected Suletta is to the gory mess she created. I get that she now thinks killing to protect those you love is a “good thing”, but she just fell in a pool of blood. It seems unnatural that she is this desensitised to violence after seeing her mother shoot someone in front of her. I’m not too surprised since there is already plenty of evidence she has been conditioned to perform this level of violence. If that’s true, there’s only one person that can help Suletta but she might not be in the right frame of mind right now.

Prediction time

It’s possible Bob will be picked up by search and rescue and interrogated. However, it seemed like one of the Dawn of Fold (Olcott?) spotted his suit as the retreat was sounded so it is possible they picked him up instead. Knowing his bad luck, I’d bet on the latter. That could get interesting. If they know who he is and find out what he did, they could take advantage of him in any number of ways for their own cause. After all, he is the official punching bag of The Witch from Mercury. Actually, given who he is, there’s a solid chance he could be chained to the ceiling and used as a literal punching bag. Seems like the kind of thing Sophie would do.

There’s a high probability that if the rift between Suletta and Miorine isn’t dealt with quickly and effectively, Number 5 will not hesitate to take advantage of it. The Peil faction doesn’t seem like they want to deal with the Dawn of Fold, they just want the secrets behind Aerial, probably more so knowing how effortlessly she fought off two Gundams at once.

As for Suletta and Miorine, this is more of a long term prediction, but I don’t believe we’re close to done with them yet. I do believe they’ll eventually overcome this, and then be met with even more challenges that make this one seem manageable in comparison. After all, even without knowing a thing about Gundam, I had no illusions that it would be smooth sailing for this ship. The drama may hurt, but that just makes it all the more satisfying to see them overcome it and beat the odds. Ultimately, I still think they’ve got a decent shot at being endgame.

That’s it for me, I think. I’ll definitely do this again for Season 2. Meanwhile, I’ll think about what else I want to write about.

[rose-lalondde]

Naruto Fic Recs Friday

Unsent Letters

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: G

Summary:

Gai finds a box of letters with his name on them when he's going through a neglected closet.

Comments: Actual old men in love and it made me weep. Big win fpr kakagai fans.

Twitch Streamer Yuji and Youtuber Megumi

Chapters: 7/?

Rating: G

Summary:

Yuuji is a famous Twitch streamer who does streams from his college dorm. Among his fanbase, his huge crush on a random book reviewer on youtube has become a running joke. The fanbase decides to make it their mission to discover who Yuuji's mystery crush is.

Megumi has a very small book reviewing channel on Youtube he started in high school. He doesn't even know what Twitch is, but Nobara keeps insisting he needs to help her find this random Twitch Streamer's secret crush. Her reasoning: the secret crush does youtube and reviews books.

Comments: As you will find I'm such a sucker for modern aus and this one is really cute! Megumi being a booktuber & its so sweet to see them fall for each other just through their channels.

Ain't That A Kick in The Head

Chapters: 27/?

Rating: M

Summary:

He really, really doesn’t want to think about what it’ll mean to be a double agent. What it’ll really mean. How he’ll have to act. How he’ll have to lie for the sake of his revenge, how he’ll have to reforge severed bonds. And it’ll all be fake. Is a false bond better than not having that bond at all?

Sasuke feels haunted by Itachi's death. Literally.

During their fight, his brother placed a seal with the remainder of his chakra on him as a protective measure so he could watch him from the grave. Itachi, however, did not realize that his actions would change everything... by being able to assist his brother with getting his revenge against Danzo.

This is the story of how one unhinged outlaw, along with the ghost of his dead brother, infiltrates a village to flush out the corruption within and faces those who he left behind. Including but not limited to: old teammates, classmates, and the guy he has feelings for that he keeps repressing.

Maybe they'll even save the world and have a proper conversation.

Comments: Itachi is so funny, literally causing drama from beyond the grave. It's naruto if it was a romcom, and its hilarious & very gay. Also I love sasuke in this fic <3

Redemption In A Worthy World

Chapters: 69/?

Rating: M

Summary:

Sasuke Uchiha has returned to the Konoha of his youth missing an eye and questioning everything. While knowing what's to come is an incredible advantage, his very existence starts a domino chain of events no one could predict. With both the Akatsuki and Danzo interested in a new Uchiha, Sasuke will have to fight to keep those he loves safe in the cloak-and-dagger world of the shinobi. Except things are changing before he's even woken up, his younger self is just as stubborn as he is, and he's going to have to learn how to parent all over again.

Comments: LISTEN LISTEN ik it says 69 chapters it's so worth it, especially if you love sasuke or fix-it fics or time travel or worldbuilding and lore. If you like learning about the Uzumaki clan and always wanted that to be explored go ahead and open it up. It's in my top 3 fics of all time, that's how serious this is. I will say that it's rated M for a reason, which is that the violence is very intense and a bit gory & in chapter 66 there's a sex scene, but you can skip it if you want. It's definitely emotionally heavy and, I'm not even gonna lie, it's a really long read. Personally, I don't care for the aliens, BUT they do their part & the writer makes them interesting, they're also not as prominent in the story as you keep reading.

The "Five Years" Game

Chapters: 21/21 - Completed

Rating: T

Summary:

Things have finally calmed down to business as usual—as much as business is ever usual, for the Ouran High School Host Club—and Kaoru is feeling some tried and true Hitachiin-brand boredom. Seeing this, Kyoya issues an intriguing challenge: he plans on winning a certain game in exactly five years. If Kaoru wants to beat him, all he has to do is figure out the goal of the game before Kyoya wins it.

As if a tried and true Hitachiin could turn down a challenge like that.

Let the “Five Years” game begin!

Comments: I feel like I should tell you that my only bookmark notes on here say "VICTORY!" Anyway, I love it when people write kyoya and know what they're talking about, he's my favorite host club member. I have not been into ohshc for a while and this made me want to get back into it. It's very clever and well-written, had a lot of fun reading this. Definitely cried a bit at the end lol.

Crazy Stupid Love

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: M

Summary:

Mikoto Uchiha and Kushina Uzumaki were more than just friends. What they meant to one another would take a lifetime to express, so they did. The shinobi world is cruel, but it is also very beautiful. Sometimes, you can still find that beauty on a battlefield or on a lazy Sunday morning.

A companion piece to Redemption in a Worthy World, but can be read separately.

Comments: It felt wrong to not include this when I'm recommending Redemption too. It's so beautifully written but it's so dark and tragic, but I think about this fic often. It's also good for providing background info on some things that happen in Redemption but they're both standalone fics.

[love-bigboss1fan-me]

Spoiler warning if you haven’t played MGSV or not familiar with any of the MGS games. Please keep in mind that this is my opinion and interpretation of V if you have another that’s wonderful because V’s ending has evidence to support both sides. With that said here is once again my theory on MGSV’s ending just more organized 😂 Also warning that this is long.

After 9 years of MGSV being out yeah I still think Venom is in alter ego of Big Boss’s mind. I’m not an expert so if I get anything wrong please correct me. So the ending shares that one of the things that caused Big Boss to go into a coma was a heart attack and he enters a brain dead state. This has a possibility of allowing brain damage. The medicine that Ishmael uses a “pick me up” was once used to help people who had suffered heart attacks. It is interesting to think that Big Boss and Venom’s injuries are in the same place, the head and the heart. I like to think Ishmael is a representation of Big Boss’s survival skill because seriously no one reacts to him when he makes any kind of noise. Which is odd that XOF soldiers just ignore him during their search. It is also odd that his right eye is tracking. I know some say it could be a glass eye or something and but the thing according to Para-Medic it’s ruptured and nothing has mentioned his eye being removed before or after. Even before V starts we had a snippets of Big Boss’s PTSD in the form of flashbacks and hallucinations. The famous scene of when The Boss passes and the flowers turning red is hallucination of his guilt and grief the flower petal turns white the second it leaves his hand and when he is no longer in that field. It is easy to say that is just MGS imagery but because it is MGS it probably does have something deeper going on beneath the surface. Portable Ops and Peace Walker have shown us him having intense flashbacks and in PW it actually causes him to black out once in the AI pod. We even hear a mix of voices of The Boss and her AI pod that it makes hard to tell which is the one from the pod and inside his head. The AI pod even has phantom butterflies and flower petals inside it. That imagery only stops once the pod is destroyed. He has a tendency to lie to himself when memories are too painful to recall. Like in PW he knows full well what the truth is of 3 otherwise why would he eventually go off on his own but because the truth is too painful he goes with the cover story to prove some mental release. Can you imagine how much stress he must be under in trying to keep his trauma at bay and having people to rely and look up to him. He can’t show that he is cracking. Could you lead with all the questions and doubts inside your head? It is like with the clones he knows they exist but rather than admit that he dismisses any talk of cloning because wouldn’t you if it was done without your consent. So why not pretend that they have no relation. MGS4 even mentions that something about Solid and Liquid’s DNA having differences. Also who is to say Ocelot didn’t run the test and just lied to Miller by saying that they have no relation. After all Miller knows too much about Zero and the clones to be a simple “business partner”. It would serve Ocelot well to keep him in the dark for the time being. Instead of acknowledging past betrayals cough Miller cough why not pretend they didn’t happen. Most remembered him saying “they are much sicker than that” when Ocelot mentioned them being cell grown in a lab however not 2 seconds later he tells Ocelot to treat them like everyone else. That’s such a fast switch and why. I don’t think all the tapes are truthful since we have seen Ocelot and Miller in the Paz hallucination so who is to say there isn’t more. Speaking of Paz it is forgotten that she says in PW

“I am an angel of Peace I will be watching over you” it kind of makes sense why he would think about Paz that way. Before Zeke he did seem to care about her in some way and even sounds a bit upset after the battle. Despite her angel of peace act he did eventually warmed up to her and some of her ideas.

“Fighting is the only thing I understand but this doesn’t mean I have a grudge against those who believe in peace.”-Big Boss (this really needs to be talked about more)

I also noticed she sounds oddly cutesy in the truth tapes much like the hallucination tapes. Paz only sounds like that when she is undercover and drops it when she doesn’t have to hide anymore like her diary or Ground Zeroes tapes. So why is she doing the young voice when talking to Zero? It is strange unless it is a clue that V is still not being honest. The credits in V and the timeline also are a bit strange like Kiefer Sutherland being credited as Snake but not as Big Boss yes they share the same code name but if they are different why not credit them differently that’s like calling Big Boss and Solid Snake Old Snake you would be kinda of right but still wrong. The timeline says Big Boss’s Phantom ok if Venom is his own character why not call him Venom, use the player’s name, or heck call him Ahab as we hear from time to time. Why phantom? It sounds very vague.

In MG2 SS there is a codec you can read that talks about the rest of Big Boss’s limbs and right ear becoming cybernetics and MGS4 talks about rebuilding his body. We don’t know what that rebuilding means but the novel and database do lean into that rumor being true.

I also have some interesting snippets of Skull Face also being a potential alter ego even though I go back and forth with it but impossible to ignore. Skull Face and Big Boss have the same past. In the “unofficial” official Big Boss is a third generation Japanese American in Hawaii and became an orphan during WW II. You could go far as to say we don’t know what language he grew up using, a mix of Japanese and English or if one was more favored over the other. Skull Face is Hungarian and also became an orphan during a war. Skull Face is referred to as a ghost without a past well who does that sound like? Big Boss will not tell the other characters about his past other than The Boss. Heck as the player you actually have to dig around for it in the wiki or databases. Even the name John Doe is a reference to an unknown male. He is very much our ghost without a past. Skull Face has an odd interest in The Boss that only shows up when we are in the jeep with him and even holds onto some of her possessions.

“You left everything behind your country, your identity, your past, and ideals”-Miller about Big Boss

“His country, his family, his face, his identity, everything was stolen from him.” Ocelot about Skull Face

I don’t think I have to mention them being burn victims. They even share dialogue

“Nothing to be ashamed of pain gets the better of us all.”

“Chico, growing up means choosing how you are going to live your life.”

Lol I think that’s everything. If you read to this point thank you. As I said this is just my interpretation of V’s ending if you do believe Venom is his own character then go for it V has evidence to support both sides to keep us talking for years to come.

Happy 9 years MGSV

[feratus]

Do you know what it feels like when your heart drops randomly throughout the day for hours on and off at the same time feeling extreme tension as if the organ is being squeezed?

This is happening while I am forcing myself to go through the day as if I’m on auto pilot trying to stop thoughts from going through my head There are moments when my mind goes completely blank, but I’m moving Only absorbing what’s in front of me. So what that means is that I’m only using or focusing on One of my five senses, in order to Keep from feeling or maintaining a neutral sense of existence. Forcing Myself to stay centered. I stop using my feelings some people may say that I I have no heart I think my feelings are too intense or that my heart is too big. I think my heart is meant to be the way it is. Although having no feeling or being numb starts to develop hatred. So I’m replacing. All of that hurt with hatred because I don’t enjoy feeling Happiness or sorrow.

Feelings of happiness are uncomfortable and false, making me angry because they don’t last. Really happiness is just annoying. I have no interest and having that feeling. Feelings of happiness brings a sense of weakness because having to stay strong through a never ending struggle has hardened the way my thoughts process. This makes me Exhausted leading to anger. I don’t think this is fixable unless I’m truly released of all stress being able to spend the rest of my life in a state of comfort. I know what I want and need because it’s one and the same. So advice on this issue is Irrelevant because it’s a cliché can you understand that?

This explains why I’d like to be laid to rest whether you like it or not.

-Travis Gonzales

Ferátus34

The cops shot the Homie shadow in the stomach six times and then drug him across the sidewalk by his foot that was on video a By standard was videotaping after they heard the gunshots.

The night before he got killed, he called me and asked me if he can come stay where I was because his lady kicked him out. I was staying with some friends At least I thought they were friends. I was already there too long and I couldn’t have shadow over because they probably would’ve kicked me out. The next day I was watching the news and they showed his face, they said that he was shot by the police and died on scene. Not even five minutes later my brother called me and told me what happened. He was right outside his apartments and fell out because he was up too long. He had a backpack with a big bag of dope and his gun. The cops say that he pulled his gun out when they went up to him to wake him up. He was probably surprised and scared because he knew what he had in his bag. I don’t know if he really pulled the gun out but that’s what they said in the report sounds like something he might do But then again, the cops knew who he was, and what he was doing, and definitely wanted him to go away so it’s questionable of what really happened.

The Homie Lumpy was in Greeley. He was getting robbed. I don’t Know how many but they were Norteños “north siders” one of them was behind him sitting in his ride another was sitting beside him had him at gun point they started struggling over the firearm and I guess lumpy shot one of them in the head. He got off for self-defense. I’ve never seen him again after that happened.

I wasn’t challenged very much very rarely did I have to fight unless I picked the fight. I was always on guard. Never cracked a smile and took every moment serious because everywhere you went you were in danger. You make the wrong move when you’re at a party with all the Homies, They’ll stop you out or if you’re at the gas station and the other side pulls up you had a bang (fight). I was at the gas station by myself and a whole car full of north siders pulled up. I grabbed a weight bar that I had in the car ran up to the car but before I could smash the windows out, they drove off. They only went down the block which was basically across the street from where I was staying. One of the Norteños got out of the car grabbed a rifle and started cocking it as he raise it in the air. My dad came out, took his shirt off and started running up to the guy with the gun yelling at him to shoot him so, the norteño was bluffing, he didn’t do anything but I was nervous. I thought I was going get shot.

There were many moments throughout the years that my life was put danger. To this day I still walk around like everywhere I go I’m going get hurt or killed. I can’t help it, it’s automatic so I don’t mess around… ever. I don’t have a smile. I don’t chitchat when I talk, If I say something I have something to say.

Another one of the Homies just graduated, was doing good. He was doing something at the high school, got an argument with some fool pulled his gun out and held it up to his head. The guy told him if you’re going pull your gun out you better use it, so he shot him in the head. He’s doing life. He was young, I only met him a few times he used to come around smoke weed with us, he just got put on and I guess he had something to prove. His name was Adrian. I was actually at his graduation. I saw him walk the stage and get his diploma. He wasn’t around very long. Things wouldn’t have happen like that if I was there.

I wasn’t out to start shit I wasn’t going to put up with any bullshit from anybody either, but I wasn’t trying to cause problems. I was really trying to keep everything safe and everybody knew everything was going to be OK if I was there because nobody wanted to deal with what was coming if they got out of line. Protecting friends and family was the number one priority.

It happened like that one day everybody be hanging out, drinking 40s kicking back the next day you hear about somebody getting caught up getting jumped or somebody died and that’s the last time you’ve ever seen him. Having all the time.

I was in Fort Collins at one of the Homies house. We were just there to hang out for a minute visit whatever you know normal shit. I guess my brother had some problems with another one of the Homies over a girl. He pulled up with somebody he knew that I didn’t recognize. He was a lot bigger than me weight wise. The one that had a problem with me was taller and wait a little bit more than me. They started pushing me around over whatever problems my brother had with them. The big one they called germ ended up getting me on the ground, I ended up on my stomach. Germ held me down while the other one almost smashed my head in with his foot like you smash a big you know… . If I wouldn’t have moved my head to the side, I would be dead or retarded right now. But he missed so instead he kick me in the face like you kick a soccer ball. Somehow got on my hands and knees, then was kicked in the ribs knocking the wind out of me. I couldn’t breathe meanwhile, the other Homies I came to visit and pulled up with just sat there and watched. The fight was over So the ones I was fighting, and the one that lived there went inside. Me and the Homie that I came with me left. I pulled out of the driveway into the middle of the street popped my trunk grabbed my bat and smashed their back window out in the truck they were driving then we left. I didn’t really have anything to do with the problem he had with my brother, who is now deceased, because of an overdose, leaving three children behind with that very woman. I was just there to hang out.

About a week before we were at the same spot. Same guy was hanging out in the room when we walked in, he tried to push me so slid back and punched him three times in the face Before he knew what happened. He started bleeding out of his nose then we went outside and proceeded to fight. He was bigger than me Like I said earlier. So he got me on my back, all I could do is grab his hands by the wrist so he couldn’t hit me. He tried his hardest to get out of my grip, but he couldn’t I’m surprisingly stronger than most partially, because I have big hands. When I let go, he tried to punch me in the face several times, but I blocked very one of his blows. Being trained in self-defense martial arts I knew how to defend myself in such a situation. Somehow I got my leg out from underneath him, and launched him off of my body into the fence behind him, he was kind of embarrassed or humiliated you could tell I mean he was supposed to win no problem. Still bleeding and mad he got in my face again Calling me names, and whatever else I wasn’t really listening then Started spitting at me. I looked like I murdered somebody Because he was spitting blood on me. I left, went to the nearest gas station and clean myself off in the restroom.

2011 Fourth of July in harmony, I threw a party, invited all the Homies. It was a normal party. We were just chilling, listening to music drinking barbecuing Later, on my cousin and my ladies brother came. Everything changed. All the Homies had a problem with my cousin and my ladies brother ended up getting into it with one of the them and he got punched in the face. I was trying to keep all the Homies off of my cousin, for whatever reason they had a problem with him I didn’t want nothing to happen. I had my kids in the house, (they We’re already laying down for bed.)

My cousin and my ladies brother left and came back. My ladies brother had a knife and was yelling he was going to go in there and stab the fool that punched him, well I wasn’t going let that happen because I had my kids at home so, I started yelling at him. He was in the middle of the street. everybody Went outside at that point The party was over after they came and crashed it. It was late street lights were on. I told my ladies brother nobody’s going get stabbed in my house and he had the ignorance to say well what’s up? Immediately I was in raged. I ran up to him, jumping in the air with my fist out our eyes connected. I threw my punch. He threw his, but he had a knife hanging on the side of his hand and sliced the side of my head front to back I started bleeding the fight didn’t stop there. I started throwing punches he ended up falling on his back. I was standing over him, punching him. But he was stabbing me. He got me in the shoulder and somehow he stuck the blade in the front of my thigh. I didn’t even realize I was getting stabbed, turned around and grabbed one of the 40 bottles that my Homie had it in his hand and threw it at him. I was bleeding all over the place. The fight was over they left I went inside.

There was a nurse there so she cleaned me up all nice and proudly)) I had a bandage around my head she bandaged my shoulder up then I looked down, there was blood on my shoe coming down from my leg then I realized that I got stabbed in the leg. It felt like a Charlie horse I thought I just got punched in the leg. she clean that up as best she could, and I laid down went to sleep. The next day my leg was swollen huge like nasty big, I had to go to the hospital. The doctor stuck his finger in my wound to see how deep it went well, obviously it went all the way through because there was a hole on one side and a hole on the other. They cleaned and stitched me up, some detectives came in and asked me what happened. I said there was an altercation and I ended up getting stabbed. I was trying to protect my home and family. I didn’t give up any names. Nobody got in trouble and life went on, but I was angry, realizing how close to death I was made me extremely mad and aggressive. It changed my life and the way I walk into any situation. I had a cane for about two weeks. I was so angry that I’d start hitting stuff with my cane all the time I couldn’t calm myself down I wanted revenge. Eventually I got over it, but it made me extremely aggressive realizing I had to fight for my life even against family.

Being a victim of a violent crime can either make you Afraid or it’ll make you more prone to violence. that’s what it did to me. Made me more violent faster. I have to control my aggression which was elevated to a level that not very many people can understand. Do you think I’m wrong? All I’m doing is just trying to survive. I have to remind myself that most people aren’t violent and I should be peaceful I really struggle with being insulted or looked down upon because I had to survive through the violent street I was raised in, really just trying to protect myself my friends and family that’s all. You had to be feared or the streets will eat you up like nothing. I have experience in hand to hand combat. I am proud because I survived and I wasn’t afraid.

You see you can send me anywhere, and I can do the right thing for the right reasons without hesitation. You can teach somebody or train somebody in combat but experience in the real thing is more valuable. I should be more important to this country. Opposed to being despised for having to fight my way through life. I didn’t choose to be in the hard-core streets, I was born into it.

I don’t talk about Anything that happened or what went on ever 🤫 Just listen to stomper and high power and you’ll get the idea. I’ll say one thing there was never anyone that was raped if I would’ve heard about that we would it Taken care of it.

[cattatonically]

How to Defy a Vampire - Alice Winters (VRC: Vampire Related Crimes, book 5)

Synopsis

Finn Stumbling into a crime scene is pretty typical for me. As a human, joining the VRC has done everything but keep me out of trouble. And now I seem to be playing a part that I’d really rather not play… if I want to keep my head, that is.

By my side is my partner Marcus, a vampire who has vowed to tear the world apart—and even a mattress—to keep me safe. I want to do everything I can to protect my newfound family, no matter what we’re forced to face.

Marcus When ghosts from my past step right into my path, I want to look the other way. I’d rather enjoy my life with Finn, figure out a way to make my brother less obnoxiously gaudy, and find out how to never go roller skating ever again.

Finn is the bravest person I’ve ever met, but he’s also a human and we’re working against some of the strongest vampires in existence. I’m left doing what I can to shield those dearest to me while trying to keep the past from consuming the present.

I can’t let the same mistakes happen again.

How to Defy a Vampire contains peculiar festive wear, misguided attempts at welcoming a human, and Marcus terrifying everyone as usual.

My Thoughts

As the conclusion of this series, it stands to reason that it would be the most intense book. And it really, really was. My watch can attest to that, as it tried to get me to do breathing exercises for my elevated heart rate on multiple occasions.

Marcus’ past comes into clear focus in this book, and yet, it’s not his past that really sets the events of this book in motion. It’s the intense corruption within the vampire council – the organization that’s supposed to keep both vampires and humans safe. And clearly, as exhibited by Finn and River’s experiences, they failed spectacularly in their supposed mission.

Ender fascinated me completely. He was truly morally bankrupt, but I couldn’t help but sympathize with his goals. Could he have accomplished them without all the drama, murder, and bloodshed? Sure. But what would have been the fun in that?

As the events of the book bring our favourite VRC detective even closer together, I can’t help but feel like there might be some unfinished business here. Just a little niggling at something that may come back for them. There aren’t too many unanswered questions left, but I just have a feeling that we’re not quite done with Finn, Marcus, Alexei, and Claude.

Of course, that could also just be wishful thinking on my part.

I absolutely loved this series. There were a lot of dark, grim, intense moments. But overall, I grew heavily attached to the detectives in the VRC, and they will always hold a special place in my heart. (And honestly, Briar needs a raise, putting up with the amount of pure chaos that she does.)